#just makes me feel like ok i suppose everyone else is excited now and i'm still not

[neighborlystudios]

・﹒・ from vault 32 [1]

Summary: You got approved for a marriage partner from Vault 31 after not finding a suitable boyfriend in your own. After meeting your future husband, and standing ready to saw your vows, you both agree to call it off. But they couldn't not have a wedding- so you chose his cousin.

Warnings: 18+, arranged marriage

Pairing: Norman MacLean x GN!reader

Notes: Yes I love him and Cooper I am a man of many tastes. Also this was too long for 1 part so I broke it up. Where my Norm lovers at???

Parts: 2

Today was the day- you were getting married! Despite not dating much, you were excited yet equally as nervous since your new spouse was someone completely unknown to you. Sure, you had crushes here and there, but all the guys here were so...boring?

Nothing about them were interesting to you, they were all the same, so that led you to seeking out Vault 31 for someone. This was completely normal so it wasn't odd, if anything, it was just a matter of time. Well, the time came and was now just moments away from seeing your soon to be husband.

"We're so proud of you...we'll miss you but, just know that we we'll always love you" Your mother sniffled as she adjusted your appearance here and there, ensuring that you were as perfect as can be. You assured her that you would visit once a year and that everything was fine. You, your family, the overseer, and few other dwellers of your vault who you knew stood outside of the entrance to 31, and you were nervous. Then, the door slowly opened.

There he was, standing in the center just like you were with your vault members. He was tall, and attractive, but you didn't know what to even say. Then, your friend bumped into your shoulder as a sign to say something as everyone else was silent, anticipating you and your future husband to say something.

"Um...hello" That was not the ideal first impression, but you couldn't help it! You could hear your friend groan from the awkwardness, which was understandable.

"Hi, I'm uh...Chet. You can call me Chet! Haha...yeah, Chet" Either he was having an off day or he didn't seem too interested in you. Was there supposed to be some sort of spark? Because you know you didn't feel anything and it was obvious that he didn't either. Awkwardly laughing along with him, internally cringing, your graze drifted over to the much shorter man beside him.

Oh he was cute. Shorter than you, but he had short, black hair and all you could really describe him as was cute. Why couldn't you have been paired up with him instead? Your eyes and his eyes both met and only then did you feel that spark. But before you could fully process what that means- their overseer ushered everyone to their vault so the wedding can begin.

"Hi...Chet. So...excited? Nervous?" You tried to make small talk as you walked beside him, but it was if everyone around you could sense that this wasn't going to work out.

"Well...if I'm being fully honest, I was put up to this" He leaned closer and whispered in your ear, the honesty caused you to gasp but then you realized that you needed to be secretive as he whispered it to you.

"Oh...but why?" You whispered back, slightly concerned. Your gaze drifted back to the shorter man standing on the other side of him and you caught him staring back at you.

"Well uh...I may or may not have a crush on my cousin, Lucy. So they uh...thought this would help me get over it. Namely her father, the Overseer" Turning back to Chet, you just stared at him as that was...unexpected, to say the least. Clearing your throat from how awkward it got. you didn't feel bad about not marrying him anymore. Stealing another glance at the shorter man, you looked back at your arranged husband and he looked back and forth between the man and you.

"Ok- either I'm stupid or do you guys like each other?" You slightly jumped as he was suddenly louder than before, causing a few heads to turn in your direction before facing forward again.

"Chet!" The black haired man scolded him and hit his shoulder, causing Chet to say "ow".

"This is Norm, he's my cousin and Lucy's younger brother" Chet smiled as he introduced the man who you fell for far too quickly, you awkwardly smiled at him and he did the same back.

"Hi Norm, nice to uh...meet you"

"Nice to meet you too..."

"What's going on?" A girl with long, dark hair whispered from the other side of Norm, curious of what you were all discussing.

"Nothing, Lucy!" Chet and Norm both yelled in hush. So that's Lucy... After that- you made small talk about some things from your lives and before you knew it, you were on the small stage ready to say your vows, looking at him and he was looking back. But you both knew that this wasn't going to work out in the slightest. Staring into the crowd mixed with his family and yours- you found Norm looking back at you. His expression seemed...pained, almost. Did you both genuinely fall for each other while you're marrying another man? Like sure he was really cute...but you just felt drawn to him in a way Chet wasn't.

"Do you?" The sound of the officiate shook you from your thoughts as you looked back, humming to have him repeat it.

"Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded husband?" You stuttered as you stared at Chet, he looked as equally as worried about this, not wanting to go through with it. So you said the first thing you thought.

"No"

[jakeperalta]

I never really got it when people would talk about getting the ick but alas. now I do

[cybertronic69]

dark but just a game

just you and your brother's best friend who is completely off limits.

warnings: bbf!ellie , top!ellie , bottom!reader , oral sex (r!receiving) , fingering (r!receiving) , scissoring , slightly mean!ellie at first , then loser!ellie shows up , she's actually a simp

●○●○●○●○●

ellie. your brother's best friend for as long as you can remember. always around, always being so... ellie. when she's not ignoring you, she's picking on every little thing you do. you're excited talking about something? she tells you to shut up. you're walking in the living room of your own house? she tells you to leave. but the thing is, this type of behavior is specifically directed at you. everyone else, and i mean everyone else, always talks about how nice she is. about how good she is at patrols, how kind she is to the people of jackson, how every single kid in town likes her. jesus, even the horses seem to be affectionate towards her. you don't understand why she always had such a distaste for you. you might be overreacting a little bit, cause that's what you do, but it really bothers you cause you also think she's nice, kind, and cool. so you're always, subtly, trying to get her attention. the only thing you're not aware about is that ellie is doing the same thing. but in her own twisted way.

today is one of these days where you're at your house and find ellie walking around like she owns the place.

"what are you even doing here?" ellie rolls her eyes when you two bump into each other at the kitchen. she does her best to look cool in front of you, crossing her arms and making a face that she thinks it's intimidating.

"i live here." you stare at her like she's stupid. which is not too far from reality. you take a look at how her lightly toned biceps are flexing. she's totally not doing that on purpose. it's not like she always wears her sluttiest tank tops around you cause four years ago she heard you talking about how you're into arms to one of your friends. yeah, it's not like that at all, if you ask her.

"in the kitchen?" she raises an eyebrow like you're the stupid one. what a smart ass.

"i'm sorry, ellie, may i get a glass of water from my own fridge?" your tone is dripping with sarcasm, and she chuckles. ellie bows stupidly in front of you and points to the fridge.

"go ahead." she talks as if she's doing some kind of charity, a mocking grin plastered on her face. her eyes are attentively following you as you walk to the fridge.

"i'm grown now, ellie. i don't need supervision to be in the kitchen." you roll your eyes and she just keeps staring at you with a blank expression. "what?"

"what are you wearing?" her voice is quieter now. if you didn't know ellie, you'd say she looks nervous. "i mean, this is a family house." she adds, trying to seem playful. you look down at your oversized white shirt and... that's all. all you're wearing. in your defense, you thought you were home alone. but ellie always pops up in the corners like a ghost.

"my pajamas... or something like that." you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed. ellie simply nods. whatever. she heads to the living room, crashing on the sofa. you quietly follow her and just stand there, watching her roll a blunt. she's pretty much back to ignoring you now. her hands are fast and skilled. she lights up the joint and takes a hit. you're still awkwardly standing there when she turns on the video game console. you just want her attention.

"ok, you can play." ellie sighs and rolls her eyes. "just don't... remind me you're here." she tosses one of the controllers to your side without even sparing you a quick glance. she brings the blunt to her lips again, not sharing it with you. she's not taking the risk of looking stupid in front of you just because of an... indirect kiss. yeah, she's ridiculous.

"manners?" you raise an eyebrow at her actions. everyone knows that a joint is supposed to be shared. she's always doing petty things like this when you're around.

"you get manners when you get your own weed." she blows the smoke on your face, just to piss you off. you roll your eyes. what a child. the game starts. "don't start whining when i beat your ass." she looks focused with her tongue poking out of her mouth, and she is, indeed, beating your ass. you groan.

"you're so not fun, ellie." you blurt out, eyebrows furrowed in anger and she snickers. oh, she loves this.

"i said no whining. jesus, it's just a game. what a bad loser." ellie says as if she didn't purposely use every skill she has to beat you in seconds. she's bitchy like that.

"it's just a game, huh?" you cross your arms as you give her a sour glance. you're tired of her always having the upper hand. you're gonna play a different game with her right now. "what are you even doing here anyway? my brother's not home."

"it's none of your business." she looks away, and suddenly the blunt on her hand seems to be the most interesting thing in the world. got her.

"aww... you just wanted to see me?" your mocking tone makes her ears get slightly red. there it is.

"shut up." she grunts, still not looking directly at you. yes, she wanted to see you. in fact, she always does. her heart begs to see you every day, even if it's just to bicker with you and piss you off. she just wants your attention.

"is someone feeling lonely?" you tuck her hair behind her ear, and ellie suddenly forgets how breathing works. what are you doing? "you just want to be touched a little, don't you?" your whisper in her ear makes ellie fully blush. she didn't expect this turn of events, but she's not moving away from your touch.

"i..." she whispers back, her gaze glued on the ground. her mind is racing. she wasn't expecting this at all.

"hm?" your hands find their way to her hair, and you start massaging her scalp. she melts. ellie leans closer to your touch, and she's not sure what to do as her heart beats faster and faster. "you're so cute when you shut up." you whisper, making your lips brush against her jaw. her breath hitches. she leans in closer, wanting more with her heart pounding wildly. you laugh.

"what?" she mumbles, embarrassed. she knows you two shouldn't be doing this. ever since you were kids, your brother has been overprotective of you. he can't stand it when his friends try to have their way with you simply because they are his friends and you, his little sister. it's weird for him. ellie knows this. still, she's not making any effort to get out of your trap.

"you're dirty, ellie." she looks like she was hit by a car. her eyes, wide, and her breath, shaky. "you know that, right?" you start to firmly caress her thigh, and now she's trembling. "this is wrong..." your whisper is like a spell, making her dizzy from the thrill, but also from the guilt of it all.

"um..." she tries to you something. anything. a 'stop'. but her mouth doesn't seem to have the ability to form words. this is wrong. this is wrong. this is wrong. but it's so good...

"you wanna fuck your best friend's little sister, huh?" your kiss her neck, your hand closer and closer to... it. "he's gonna be so mad at you..." ellie shivers, her breath even more shaky. she closes her eyes tightly, not believing this is happening. she tries to get away from you, but her body isn't cooperating right now. you firmly cup her pussy, and she gasps. "are you enjoying taking advantage of me?"

"you know that it's not... like this..." her voice is weak and needy. you straddle her thigh and she whimpers. she's starting to panic and she looks pathetic. how far are you going to take this?

"you're filthy." you whisper in her ear, and she shakes her head with a miserable expression. you're gonna kill her.

"you're... the filthy one..." she swallows hard, not knowing where this is all leading. she's shaking and breathing rapidly, but you have control of her now. you're teasing her in all the right ways, and she's barely able to respond.

"me? but i'm so shy..." you bury your head in the crook of her neck, gently sucking on her skin. ellie's heart is pounding like it never did before, but she's enjoying every second of it, even if her brain is telling her it's wrong.

"you're not shy at all..." she mumbles breathlessly, her entire body trembling. you're not. you've never been. not in situations of that kind, at least. all these years, you've watched ellie from afar, hearing her talk about random girls to your brother, and you felt jealousy build up inside you. not... not cause you like her... or something. it's just that... you know you can be better than them. you're gonna show her. but for now, you're messing with her a little bit. this is just a fun game for you. yeah. just a game.

"oh, i am... i don't even know what i'm doing." you blink your eyes at her. ellie's heart rate goes up even higher. you're making no sense. you're not even shy. you're just playing her like a puppet.

"you know exactly what you're doing." she whispers, exasperated. she's frustrated, annoyed and horny. very horny. this is not fair. she's always had her little fantasies about what she would do to you if she had the chance, but you're nothing like she expected. you are a tease. you're breaking her.

"i bet my brother wouldn't think that... right, els?" you're getting a kick out of this situation. it's way too fun for you. ellie, on the other hand, is on the verge of a heart attack. she can't do this. she can't do this. she can't do this.

"i s-should... i need to go." she whispers, trying to push you away. if she really wanted, she could do it easily. she's stronger than you, after all. but something is telling you that ellie wants to stay right here in this moment.

"but i didn't even get to show you my new panties..." you mumble as you play with the hem of your big oversized shirt. ellie's jaw drops. what the fuck. you can't do this to her.

"what?" she asks, her voice hoarse. when you press your body against hers, she shuts her eyes hard. she can feel every little curve of your body.

"they're pretty... but they're not here." you start. "i'm not wearing anything right now." you whisper the last part in her ear, and ellie is about to faint.

"you're not wearing anything?" she asks, like she's fucking deaf. maybe she is. maybe you broke her to a point where she's losing all her senses. her voice is still raspy from the shock and her is mind spinning.

"not even a bra..." you gently hold her hand and make her grab your breasts. ellie looks at you like you just stabbed her with a knife. her heart is beating so fast that she's afraid it'll jump out of her chest. her hand is trembling when she hesitantly palms your chest.

"oh god..." it's all she can say as she bites her lips, trying to hold in a noise. you're not wearing anything at all. she can feel your hardened nipples under the fabric of the shirt. this is so not fair to her.

"what were you saying again? something about going home?" you start moving your hips back and forth on her thigh, and she buries her head on your shoulder, her body giving up. she's weak. you have her just where you want.

"please... i can't..." she mumbles, her voice so needy. poor thing. but then her hands grip your hips tightly, as if she doesn't want to let go. you smile. that's what you like to see.

"your hands are so strong... and pretty..." you keep moving faster and faster, her flexed thigh giving the exact amount of pressure you need on your clit right now. her tattoed arm tenses up, making her veins pop. you almost cum at the sight.

"y-you feel even better..." ellie whispers, her hands massaging your hips. she's getting lost in all these feelings you're giving her right now. her brain is mushy and she's completely at your mercy.

"yeah? you like it how i grind my pussy on you?" ellie whimpers at your words. you take that as a yes. "give me a kiss..." you mumble, still moving up and down. she eagerly slams her lips on yours, you two sharing a messy and needy kiss. she moves her hips to match your rhythm, unable to help herself. she's giving you everything you want now. your soaked pussy presses against her clothed one, making a mess all over the fabric of her jeans and it feels so good. her hands are all over you, squeezing your boobs, your ass, your waist. her lips are hungry, leaving a trail of hot kisses down your jaw and neck, leaving marks that you'll have to deal with later. she's not even thinking. she just wants more of you.

"take it... take it off...." she mumbles into your lips as she lifts your shirt, throwing it into the air.

"you seem very eager for someone who can't stand me..." you try to tease her a little to show that you don't care about this at all, thank you very much, but ellie is not even listening. she blinks hard, her eyes glued to your body as if she's in a trance. "it's ok. you can touch me... anywhere you want." you add quietly, suddenly feeling kinda shy with all the attention. ellie nods eagerly, burying her face on your boobs. of course that's where she wants to touch first. she kisses it and squeezes it, looking up at you from time to time as if you are a goddess incarnated as a human. her hands palm your ass, pulling you closer to her as she takes one of your hardened nipples into her mouth. a soft moan escapes your lips. your fingers are tangled in her auburn hair, pushing her head onto your body harder.

you're feeling... weird. every time ellie gives you one of her sweet looks with those gorgeous green eyes, it feels your heart is being thrown directly into an electric fence. it's making your palms sweat and your stomach is... oh, no...

"what?" ellie stops her make out session with your boobs. she looks so pretty, lips glistening with saliva, face flushed, freckles all over her cheeks, furrowed brows and... "hey? are you okay?"

"you're very pretty." you want to slap yourself in the fucking face. why the fuck did you just say that?

"oh..." she scratches the nape of her neck awkwardly. she looks away so you don't see her pink cheeks. "thank you." you want to grab her face and kiss all over it, tell her how much you like her, and oh my god. what is wrong with you? you have a frown on your face. when ellie sees that she timidly whispers: "we should stop, right?"

"no, no... not at all." you press your lips onto hers again, in an attempt to forget... that. ellie is caught by surprise, but soon she is kissing you back with just as much passion. her hands cup your face as you kiss, your bodies falling onto the couch. she's now on top of you, your legs wrapped around her waist. her hands slide down your torso, feeling your soft skin and she closes her eyes for a few moments, almost as if she can't believe this is happening.

"can... how... should i..." she stutters and you can see the way her hands are trembling. ellie killed and dealt with countless infected by herself, and yet she had never been so nervous in her life. all because of a pretty girl.

"here." you lock eyes with her and gently grab her wrist, guiding her hand between your legs. her cheeks get more pink, if that's even possible.

"ok." she sucks in a deep breath. "here..." her fingers cautiously touch your slit, taking in your wetness. she bites her lip, her gaze glued to the sight. you slowly part your legs even more, and ellie blinks hard. "prettiest... prettiest fucking pussy.... i've ever seen..." you're sure she's never seen that many. ellie's not a player, you know that... she's more of a romantic. when she likes a girl, she likes a girl. and you hope she likes you. you have to fight the urge to close your legs when you look away from her. you're... nervous. as much as you hate to admit it. you feel her giving your clit a sweet little peck, and you shiver. "pretty..." she mumbles again almost as if she's in a daze. her lips start to place a few kisses on the inside of your thigh. "so... fucking... pretty..." her fingers gently rub your clit in little circles as her lips get closer and closer to your dripping cunt. you look down, and caress her hair as you bite your lip. ellie gives you another one of her Sweet Looks™ before closing her eyes and diving into you.

"oh, god..." your back is arched as she eats your pussy like she's never tasted anything better before. your legs are both resting on her shoulders as she pushes her face deeper and deeper into you, her hands gripping on your ass cheeks. she licks and slurps everything you have to give her, leaving your hips trembling and making your grip on her hair get stronger. she's moaning into your cunt and basically humping the couch under her, getting so worked up just from eating you out. "ellie, f-fuck... k-keep doing this..." your thighs start to press against each other, trapping her head and ellie nearly goes cross eyed. she's even more hungry now, your juices all over her skin. her veiny hands pull your body against her, making you fuck yourself on her face. you roll your trembling hips on her mouth and she grunts. It's like she's getting as much pleasure from this as you are.

"i'll keep... doing this..." her babbles get lost in the heat of the room when she slides two slender fingers inside you. she latches her greedy mouth on your clit again, and start fucking you so good. her hands are fast and skilled, after all. at this point you can't hold back any noises and ellie's going crazy. she's the one making you feel like this. not the girl from the stables, not the guy from the pub, it's HER. it's on her fingers you're clenched around, it's on her face your hips are pressed against. and it's for her that you're gonna cum. "gonna give it to me?" her voice is shaky and needy as she gasps for air. "please, give it to me..."

"y-yes... fuck, ellie..." oh, that she's doing. you close your eyes tightly, and next thing you know, a tingle is spreading all over your body as your hips squirm and you bite your hand to hold back a scream. ellie gently pecks her way up your body and cups your face with both hands. she's trying her best to hold back the I love you that wants to escape her mouth. instead, you two share a sloppy and lazy kiss.

"i want more..." she mumbles as her lips brush against yours. your hands slide down her body, caressing her hips and abdomen. ellie lets her head fall into your neck as she tries to calm down. her boxers are fucking soaked. unwittingly, her hips buckle against your body. she's needy. she just wants you.

"shhh..." you whisper as you kiss her biceps. couldn't miss the chance. "gonna take care of you now, ok?" ellie feels like crying. she's desperate. you feel her nodding in the crook of your neck and you hug her tightly. you're feeling... a lot. for her. but you can worry about that later. right now... "let's take this off..." you gently tug at the fabric of her jeans.

"yes..." she whispers in a whine. as if by magic, she's naked. your gaze instantly falls to her perky tits and next thing you know, your tongue is on her pretty pink nipples. ellie becomes a whimpering mess, hands gripping on the flesh of your ass, pushing your body against hers. it's messy. your hands are groping her biceps, because why not, as you suck on her nipples like it's candy. then you press you cunt against hers and ellie loses it.

"need... need to..." she pushes you, making you lie on your back on the couch and sits on top of you, fitting her pussy into yours. "oh, shit..." she throws her head back, eyes tightly shut, as you two start grinding against each other. ellie grips your thighs and throws one of your legs over her shoulder, placing sloppy kisses on your heel as you roll your hips on her. "this is... so fucking..." ellie is babbling as she pounds onto you harder. if the noises leaving your lips weren't enough, the wet, squishy noises hanging on the air were dirty. it was erotic. and so... "so fucking good... oh my god..."

"ellie..." you whine as you feel your lower belly tightening. you're so sensitive that your eyes are wet with tears. you can't see anything at this point, just a very blurry ellie slamming her pussy against yours like she's trying to fuck a baby into you. as if that's possible.

"fuck... fuck... gonna fucking cum all over you... shit..." ellie's eyes are tightly closed, her lip between her teeth almost drawing blood. she's pretty much using you at this point, her hips moving in an insane pace. she needs it. bad. you hands find their way to her tits and you pinch her nipples making ellie gasp. her pretty green eyes roll to the back of her head as her body falls on top of you with a silent moan, her warm sticky slick coating down her thighs. she's still trembling when you hug her, the two of you holding each other, trying to catch your breaths.

"so..." you start after a few moments of silence and ellie shushes you. you giggle softly. "what?"

"don't even... just shut up..." she sweetly pecks your lips and you feel that again. that weird feeling from earlier. you're scared of what it could possibly mean. ellie, noticing your expression, whispers: "hey... what's up?"

"i'm feeling weird... that's all." you mumble, hiding your face on her shoulder. she gently caresses your hair with so much affection that you don't even know what to do with yourself. so much for not being shy.

"weird? like.. good weird? or bad weird?" unlike you, she seems completely comfortable with the situation, her arms wrapped around you as you timidly snuggle against her body.

"that's the point... i don't know." your voice is muffled since you have your face pressed firmly onto her shoulder. "probably... probably good, yeah..." you admit. "don't laugh at me."

"i'm not laughing!" she is. a little. just a little. "it's just... i don't know..." ellie is happy. she's the happiest girl in this shitty town right now. when she looks at you again, she sees that you still have your face hidden. "hey... come on, look at me." you slowly look up at her, and for the first time, she sees your eyes filled with hesitation. "it's alright... i got you..." her gentle touch finds your cheek. "we'll figure it out."

"really?" your whisper is quiet and shy.

"i promise." she adds. maybe you don't have as much control of this game as you thought.

achievement unlocked

fall in love with your brother's best friend.

●○●○●○●○●

[yuri-is-online]

Head up this ask is kinda weird.

So do you think people wear perfume in omegaverse AUs 😀? Because the fact that everyone already has scents, perfume has to kind if clash with it right? Maybe some people use light perfumes to enhance their scents, and then those "Alpha Male" (omg that just gets a whole other meaning) podcast bros call it catfishing.

Would perfume even exist in the first place? I don't really see a purpose for perfume if everyone already has a scent... but bro imagine Yuu (who isn't from an a/b/o world and is getting really confused as to what the fuck an omega is and cringes every time of the guys calls themselves an alpha. Meanwhile everyone else is trying to figure out why this weirdo doesn't even have the slightest sent. Especially jade becuase I'm on that JadeYuu shit rn) that wears perfume or cologne trying to get more. And when they can't find any at Sam's they just try to fucking make it. I mean it's a little weak smelling and some of the notes don't exactly go with the others but hey! They have something to spritz now! :)

And now their friends are doing double takes because bro you did not smell like that last night. Also it smells artificial and it's weirding them out

Anyways I sincerely apologize for making you read that.

oh no you don't go apologizing for this confused, a/b/o is a guilty pleasure of mine (also i am doing concept drawings for asmodeaus rn. the timing of this ask made me laugh real hard) This isn't a smutty ask, but just so all of you know, I am good with those since I need the practice with suggestive stuff. I just won't be very good at it for a bit.

Anyway. I have never actually thought about this, but I have always sort of thought of scents in abo worlds to be a very instinctual thing that no amount of perfume can cover up. I don't know if you've ever encountered a scent you can taste but I have, a light in the room of a pool I was swimming in went out and let out a smoke so foul you could still feel it on your tongue and in your lungs when you pinched your nose. It was beyond overwhelming. That doesn't mean there's any less of a reason for perfumes to exist though, as I talked about in that post about Rollo's handkerchief in the past disease was thought to have been spread through foul smelling odors and bad air. If anything I could see that being an even bigger superstition in an abo world where scent is already super important. I could see people trying to make scents that complimented their natural one, maybe it could even be a courting ritual for an Alpha to give an Omega they are interested in a perfume they've made that compliments their smell and has notes of their own... Oh! Or working in notes of their scent to their own perfume to indicate interest!

a-twistedheartslonging mentioned in their tags on that post about Jade's scent that Morays use scents to attract a mate, so if you take that idea about perfume being a courting step I could see Jade just being so distraught that his beloved pearl has no discernible scent. And what's worse they keep changing what little scent they do have! What's he supposed to do with that huh? I think he'd be the only one excited by Yuu making their own perfume because it gives him an excuse to talk about the scents that Yuu likes and what perfumes are like in their world. Maybe they could make a perfume together next time (⚈_⚈)? Oh haha he's just thinking out loud he knows you aren't close enough for that ye- Oh you... you would like that? You think he smells nice and you want to know what sort of perfume or cologne he uses?

(he'd get so delulu so fast if you said that. sure Yuu you can smell just like him c: just let him dim the lights a bit first he hears that's important c: just remember to be gentle with him ok???)

[olicitymckono]

I STILL LOVE YOU

AN: Hey guys, how is everyone? This is something I whipped up and if you enjoyed it then send me a like or a request.

Any mistakes are my own. I'm still learning french so forgive me if it's wrong.

Warnings: My feeble attempt at smut so pls be gentle.

Yn DuPont always wondered how she had become friends with the Leclerc siblings. Yes, her mother and Pascale had been friends and co-owners of the salon before she had passed away a few years ago but Yn just didn’t get how Arthur could be friends with her. She was smart but that was all she had going for her. No one besides Arthur ever spent time talking to her when they were at school. She had even heard once how some of his guy friends had been asking him how she and him could be friends. He had stood up for her making her smile but that was who he was. Her protector. A few weeks ago, though Dante Gabriel one of her fellow classmates asked her to be his date for some dance. At first, she had said no but over the course of the next few days he had worn her down until she agreed. Arthur was happy for her. It was time she let herself have some fun instead of just studying all the time. The day of the dance arrived, and Pascale had done her makeup and hair. As she smoothed down the black knee length dress she had chosen, for the first time in her life she felt pretty. She was excited and could feel the butterflies. She went downstairs and sat down on the sofa in the empty house as her father was away on business and waited for her date. And waited she did. 45 minutes passed before she realised, he wasn’t coming. She got up, grabbing keys as she passed the hallway table and slammed the front door closed behind her.

Charles Leclerc was the dreamboat of Monaco. He was a popular Formula 1 driver, and the girls loved him. Boy did he know it. But as fun as it was spending time with his friends and having the fan girls throwing themselves at him, sometimes he enjoyed just being by himself. Currently he was sitting on the deck of his yacht in the marina, enjoying the night sky and the quiet. It wasn’t always that he had time like this, but he was between races and need some much tlc. It was while he was sitting there enjoying the view when something else caught his eye. A young girl who looked oddly familiar was walking across the dock towards one of the other boats. He shook his head though, because it couldn’t be her. She never dressed up and if he remembered correctly, they were all at some dance. He leaned his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes only for a few minutes before his phone started to ring. He picked it up and saw his little brother’s name.

“Aren’t you supposed to be dancing?” he teased his brother.

“Charles, I need your help.”

Charles sat forward, alert. “What’s wrong?”

“It's Yn.”

“Is she ok?”

“I don’t know. She’s not here and she’s not picking up her phone. That dickhead of a date dropped her.”

“What do you mean?”

Charles heard his brother sigh. “Dante asked her to the dance, but he is here with another girl. When I asked him where she was, he said she cancelled. But his date said he lied. It had been some sort of prank.”

“Merde.” Charles realised that it had been her he had seen.

“Charles, I need to find her. We’re leaving the dance now. Can you help?”

“Art, stay. She would want you to have a good time.”

“How can I?”

“I have an idea where she might be. I’ll take care of her. She’ll be pissed if you left because of her. I promise I’ll call you if I can’t find her, ok?”

“I don’t know. “

“I got her.”

After much convincing Arthur agreed and Charles made his way over to a yacht near the end of the jetty. He saw her sitting there. “Permission to come aboard?” he asked loud enough for her to hear.

She turned her head in his direction. “You’re going to whether I say yes or no,” she shrugged.

He could hear that she had been crying and he felt anger surge. She was his friend too and he cared about her. Anyone who could hurt her didn’t deserve to know her. He climbed aboard and made his way up to her. He could see she was wearing a dress and had pulled her hair into a messy bun. But it was her face that hurt him. She had gotten all made up and now her face was stained with tears and smudge makeup, and she was shivering. He took off his hoodie and held it out to her. She tried to smile as she took it before pulling it over her dress. He sat down next to her. “Are you ok?”

“Don’t know why I’m surprised really.”

“What do you mean?”

She tugged her legs up under her and wiped her tears before leaning on her elbows. “I’m not good enough.”

He twisted so that he was looking at her and his was pissed. “What? How can you even think something like that?”

“Because it’s true,” she shrugged.

“Look at me. Hey,” he reached out and lifted her chin, so she was looking at him. “You are so much more than you think.”

“So then why does nobody care about me? No body want me? Even my own father would rather be travelling the world than spend time with me.”

“Cherie, there are people that love you. My mother loves you, my brothers, me.”

“I just.... feel like I’m not enough.”

He pulled her against him and allowed her to cry into his shirt.

Hours had passed in which both of them had fallen asleep. It was only the sound of his phone ringing that woke him up. “Hello?”

“Did you find her?” Arthur’s panicked voice sounded through his phone.

Charles looked down at the still sleeping girl in his arms. “I got her. She’s sleeping at the moment.”

Arthur sighed in relief. “So, she’s, okay?”

“She is. But that guy won’t be if I see him.”

“We took care of that.”

“Art, what did you do?”

“Nothing illegal or that will get us into trouble. Don’t worry. Where did you find her?”

“Pop’s boat.”

“Of course. I’m an idiot.”

Charles chuckled. “I’m gonna let her sleep a bit more. Will bring her home later. Don’t think she should be alone.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“Ok. Hey Art, bring some supplies.”

“You got it.”

Several hours later Y/n, Charles and Arthur were all stretch out on her large sofa watching horror movies. Arthur had come through with all her favourite snacks and after the day she had Y/n was feeling loads better. She was conscious of the fact that Charles was sitting rather close to her while Arthur was on the other side of them, in actual fact the younger Leclerc boy had fallen asleep a little while ago. Something jumped out in the movie startling Y/n, and she grabbed hold of Charles’ hand. He chuckled as she realised what she had done and quickly tried to withdraw her hand, but he held tighter. “It's ok Cherie.” He whispered. He took their joined hands and placed it down on her thigh making her feel something she hadn’t felt before.

Arthur shifted making her quickly pull away from Charles letting his hand fall on her thigh, when she tried to shift away from him, he increased the pressure making her stop. She gulped. She felt her face begin to heat up as his hand slowly began rubbing circles up and down her leg. Her breath got caught in her throat as she felt his hand slide higher and higher. He turned to her a look in his eyes, “Can I?” She licked her lips hesitantly before nodding. He leaned closer to her till she felt his breath against her skin leaving goose bumps. “Tell me when to stop.” She nodded not sure her brain could form sentences. Her head fall back against the sofa as his hand reached the top of her leg and continued till, he touched her most intimate spot. He kept his eyes on her to make sure she was ok before moving his hand to the top of her shorts. “Open,” he gently instructed. She moved slightly so that her legs were more apart and moaned softly as he slipped his hand down her underwear and touched her bare clit. His hand was warm, but she still shivered as he moved his fingers up and down. She bit down on her own hand as he slipped a finger inside of her. He pressed his lips against her neck before whispering, “Do you like that, Belle?”

“Yes.” She whimpered in pleasure.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, please.”

He increased the speed and inserted another finger, stretching her out causing her to moan a little louder. “Shhh Belle. Don’t want to wake Arthur.” She closed her eyes and bit down on her lips, but Charles quickly reacted. “Take your lip out your mouth.” She complied. He could feel her reaching her climax and just before she could make a noise as she reached her high, he kissed her swallowing her moan. She was so high in that moment that she didn’t even think about the kiss or what any of this meant. As soon as her breathing had returned to normal, Charles withdrew his fingers and popped them in his mouth all the while watching her. He liked how flushed she looked. He pecked her lips one more time before getting up and headed for the bathroom.

A few days later Charles was due to leave for Maranello but every time she was alone with him, he had touched her in some way. She was a little confused by it because whenever someone else was around it was like she didn’t exist. She was currently at home studying, alone yet again when there was a knock at the door. At the door stood Charles with a single red orchid in his hand. “Hey,” she smiled.

“Hey Cherie. Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She stepped aside to let him in. “Who’s that for?” she asked indicating to the flower.

“You.”

She took it from him and smelled it. “I love orchids.”

“I know,” he chuckled.

She walked to the kitchen and quickly found a small vase to put the flower in. As she was pouring water in, she felt his hands on her waist. He had followed her into the kitchen. She felt his lips against her neck as he gently began to pepper kisses on her skin as his hands roamed over her body. She couldn’t help but lean back into him.

He turned her around to face him pulling her into a deep kiss that left her breathless. Shifting them slightly he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her on to the counter causing her to let out a squeak of surprise. He pushed her legs apart and stood between them hands on either leg. Almost on instinct she wrapped her arms around his neck as he began to kiss her once more. After a while he wrapped her legs around his waist and picked her up, carrying her to the sofa. He laid her down, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Remember to tell me to stop if you want.”

“Ok.”

He went back to kissing her neck as she felt his hands slide under her top fingers brushing against her nipples. As one of his hands took a nipple between his fingers the other slowly trailer down her body to the band of her skirt, leaving her skin burning at the contact. He detached his lips from her neck where he had left a dark mark and looked into her eyes. “I’m gonna take them off.” She nodded. He sat up and grabbed the band of her skirt with both hands as she lifted her legs slightly allowing him to pull down her skirt. “I think red would suit you better Cherie.” He remarked seeing the black panties she had on. She squirmed slightly as he pressed his lips to her inner thigh just inches away from where she was beginning to ache. “Charlie?”

“Yes Cherie?” he felt his cock twitch when she called him Charlie.

“Can you......”

“What?” he asked. “Tell me.”

“Touch me here.” She pointed to her clothed pussy.

“How? Like this?” he asked rubbing his finger against the garment. “Or how about like this?” he leaned down and placed a kiss against her sex. Both actions had made the ache even more but something about the kiss had her begging for more.

“Like that Charlie.”

“Then I think we should get rid of these,” he pulled on her panties. He felt himself twitch again at the sight of her bare pussy underneath him. “Si belle ma Cherie.”

He couldn’t wait any long before lowering his face and taking a long swipe of his tongue along her pussy. He had to taste, and it was better than anything he had ever tasted. It was like he was starving, and he hadn’t realized it until now. The faster he licked and longer he sucked, the wetter she got, and the louder her moans. He sure as hell wasn’t going to silence her, the sounds coming out of her mouth was driving him crazy. But his turn would come. He was going to drive her off the edge and then do it again.

“Faster, please Charlie,” she begged as she thread her fingers through his hair. She was close.

He added a finger into her pussy causing her to buck her hips, but he pushed them down with his free hand and held them there as he slid another finger inside her. Her breath quickened and her grip on his hair tightened but he barely felt it as all he could think about was how good she tasted.

“I’m cumming,” she gasped seconds before she felt her release. He kept going till she begged him to stop because of how sensitive she was. He pressed one last kiss on her sensitive nub before moving closer and kissing her lips, letting her taste herself.

“Think you have one more for me? I want to be inside you.”

She reached down and rubbed her hand against his cock, feeling how hard he was. “I want you.” She reached up and undid his belt almost impatient to release him. He stood up making it easier for her to get his pants off. She needed a minute to appreciate the view before she pulled him closer. “I’ve never done this before.”

“We can stop.”

“No, I don’t want to. Just maybe be patient and tell me what you like.”

“Ok.”

She started placing little kitten kisses along the length of his cock on either side but when she placed her mouth around it holding onto him with a hand, that was when he groaned. She wanted to pull away thinking she was doing it wrong, but he held her head exactly where it was. “Don’t stop Cherie. Feels so good.”

She slowly moved her head up and down. His groans were now doing things to her down there. She began moving her hand as well making him groan louder when suddenly he pulled away. “Cha....”

“Need to be inside you right now,” he said before making her lay back. He positioned himself above her entrance before asking her one more time, “Do you want to stop?” As soon as she shook her head no, he was pushing himself inside. Man did it feel amazing how her walls gripped his cock. He tried to go as slow and gentle as possible to allow her time to adjust but she had other things on her mind. She wanted, no she needed him to go faster, harder. She was close to the edge again and so was he, so he picked up the pace. Faster he moved, groaning as he began to feel that pressure increase.

“Right there, I feel it cumming,” she cried.

Right at that moment she climaxed once more, and he pulled out just as he released all over her stomach. Once their breathing was back to normal, Charles got up and went to the bathroom. When he came back, he had a warm wet face cloth and sat down beside her, before gently cleaning her up.

“What is happening Charles?” she asked.

“I thought that was obvious Cherie?”

“You know what I mean?”

He sat back and pulled her legs onto his lap. “I like you Y/n.”

“But?”

“I have really amazing fans, but also some pretty toxic ones as well. And I’m in the spotlight.... a lot. I don’t want you to get hurt. Or lose you. I’ve seen it happen before. I don’t have a normal life.”

She moved her legs away and stood up,” Okay, I get it.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna take a shower.”

Charles sighed watching her close the bathroom door behind her. He sat there for a few minutes hearing the shower running before standing up, “Fuck it.” He pulled his shirt over his head and went in after her.

That night as she lay in her bed, she thought about the conversation they had after he had made her come again in the shower. They both cared a lot about each other and wanted to keep doing what they were doing so he had suggested that they kept it a secret from everyone even their families, at least for the time being. And she had agreed.

And that’s how it started. Every chance they got to sneak away together they took. Y/n would travel to certain races under the pretence that she was going to support Arthur at his races, or she would suggest to her friends to go on mini trips to get a break from school. Charles would constantly send her little gifts of her favourite things to remind her how much he missed her. Weekends away just the two of them. It had been hard keeping the secret from Arthur and the family, but they made it work and even when y/n started getting acceptance letters to medical schools across the globe, Charles had promised things wouldn’t change no matter where in the world they were. And everything was great for over a year......until she showed up.

Charlotte Tilbury was a beautiful, smart leggy blonde who had joined the Ferrari team for the new season. She was their media liaison and the longer they spent together the closer she and Charles became. Night-time calls became shorter and quick weekends away became less but when they were together, Charles reminded y/n how much he loved her. But the weekend of the Italian grand Prix things changed. Charles was spotted out with Charlotte and speculation was rife amongst the media of the new “couple” in the paddock. When she and Arthur had met her for the first time , Arthur had commented on how beautiful and smart Charlotte seemed which was exactly Charles’ type. The media and fans alike couldn’t get enough of the driver and his media liaison.

Y/n stopped answering his calls and responding to his messages. When the time came for Formula 1to hit Monaco he was standing at her door with an explanation. It was a PR stunt that management was forcing him to do. Ferrari were controlling his life and if he wanted to renew his contract, he had to go with it. Apparently, the fans had seen a connection between the driver and his media officer and had run with it. But he was adamant that he loved only her. He asked her to trust him and let it run its course and like a fool she had believed him. She endured the family get together which she had been politely ordered to attend and she had never been one to deny Pascale of anything. Charlotte had joined them and slowly she had to watch as the man she loved was photographed with the other woman. She didn’t attend many races anymore, but she answered his calls and messages pretending she was ok. It wasn’t till he was home for two weeks between races that she reached her braking point. One day he had been helping her study concerned that she was over doing it. But she assured him that she was okay. He had left an hour or so before everyone was due to head over to Pascale’s house for dinner. Y/n finished up her paper before quickly hopping in the shower.

 

She had been catching up with Carla, Arthur’s girlfriend ever since she had gotten to the house unaware that Charles was even there. It was only when she excused herself to use the rest room did she find out. He was sitting in his old bedroom sitting on the sofa phone in his hand. He was talking to someone who she recognised as Charlotte. She wasn’t one to listen in to other conversations but when she heard her name she stopped.

“Charlotte she’s my friend that’s all.”

“Come on Charlie.” y/n felt her heart crack. As far as she knew she was the only one he let call him that. “It’s painfully obvious that she has a thing for you.”

“She can feel what she wants but she’s not my type.”

“Which is why I’m perfect to fit the role. I’m exactly your type.”

“I guess.”

“I can tell you want more Charles. Maybe when we spend the summer together in Corsica, we can explore our relationship more.”

Summer together? Y/n was confused, he had made plans to go with her and Arthur to Los Angeles for her birthday. Guess that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

“Ok. I can’t promise anything, but you are beautiful and smart, so maybe we can see what happens.” Charles replied. “I need to go. Family dinner and all.”

“Would have been nice to be there.”

“Yep. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Good night, Charlie, Boy.”

Y/n knew it was over. Charles wanted a woman like Charlotte not her. Suddenly everything just made perfect sense and she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t seen it before now. She quickly rushed downstairs and collided with her best friend.

“Hey Petal, where’s the fire?”

“Art, can you tell your mom I’m really sorry, but I have to go.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just feel really sick. Think I ate something bad at lunch. I need to go.”

“Go where?” Charles had joined them.

“y/n isn’t feeling good. Thinks it was something she ate.”

“y/n?” Charles was concerned. He knew she hadn’t eaten anything all day so it couldn’t be that. “Maybe you need to sit down, Art, can you get some water?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back.”

“Y/n come sit,” he took her arm, but she quickly withdrew it. “Cherie, what’s wrong?”

“I just need to go home. I really don’t feel good.”

“You haven’t eaten today. That’s probably why you feel ill. Eat something then I’ll take you home.”

She mustered up a small smile before looking at him. “I’ll be ok. Just need to go lay down a bit.”

He eyed her suspiciously. “Ok, let me get my keys.”

“I can walk. Fresh air might do me some good.”

“No way in hell I’m letting you walk home. Wait here.”

Arthur returned with a glass of water which she quickly drank down. “Woo slow down there.”

Charles quickly returned, keys in hand. “I’m gonna take her home. Tell Maman not to wait.”

The car ride was quiet as she rested her head against the window, her mind going over her whole relationship with Charles. Had anything been real at all? She had thought he was different, that he actually loved her, but she had been deluding herself all this time. She quickly opened the door as soon as he pulled to a stop and raced inside. He followed after her calling her name, but she didn’t stop till she had locked herself in the bathroom. If she was using that excuse, she may as well make it believable. She heard him call her name from the other side of the door, but she just sank against it. After a couple breaths she called out, “Go to dinner Charles. I’m just gonna clean up and go to bed.”

“I’m worried about you Cherie.”

She forced down a sob slowly breathing in and out before she responded. “I just feel so nauseous. But I’ll be ok. Your mom is waiting for you.”

“Ok Cherie. If that’s what you want.”

She waited till she heard the front door close before getting up and slowly made her way to her room.

She woke up around 3am and felt a strong pair of arms around her. She shifted slightly to see Charles laying next to her asleep. She gently removed his arm so she could get up and tip toed to the kitchen before putting on the kettle. She sat down at the table pulling a bunch of papers closer.

“Bébé?” Charles walked into the kitchen topless and hair a mess. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

“Got thirsty. Making some tea, you want?” she had decided last night that she wasn’t going to cry over anything anymore. She was tired of feeling like she wasn’t good enough. She was going to start over and knowing the man in front of her, he would try to stop her, she had to do what was best for her. He could have Charlotte; she would not make him chose. Besides what’s that saying? “If there’s a choice between two women, pick the second. Cause if you really loved the first you wouldn’t have found something in the second.”

He pulled out the chair next to her. Sitting down he took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb against her skin. “I want to know what’s wrong.”

“You were right. I was pushing myself too hard and it just hit me.”

“You need to take better care of yourself Cherie. I need my bubbly girl.” The kettle began to whistle, she began to stand but he made her sit. He got up and made the two of them some chai tea with honey. After placing the cups down, he got a container out of the fridge and popped it into the microwave. “You still haven’t eaten, have you?”

She shook her head, “Haven’t really had an appetite.”

“I brought some food.”

“Thanks. I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“You were sleeping so I didn’t want to wake you.” The microwave dinged and he pulled out the food which y/n had to admit smelled amazing. Pascale was an amazing cook. He placed the steaming bowl on front of her with some hot sauce, knowing how much she loved it. He grabbed a fork out the draw. “Eat, please?”

She smiled softly before placing some food in her mouth. It tasted so good, and she heard her stomach grumble. Causing Charles to chuckle. She grabbed another fork full and held it out to him. He shook his head. “Please?”

He leaned forward and she popped the fork in his mouth. He looked at her the whole time and it made her stomach flip, not from hunger. He loved holding eye contact with her especially when they were having sex, and it always made her excited and loved. But now that she knew the truth it felt different. She looked back down at the food. He knew something was off, but he knew he couldn’t pressure her. He turned to the papers. “Have you thought about where you want to go?”

She shrugged, “There’s John Hopkins and Oxford. Harvard has offered as well. All three have amazing med programs.”

“Oxford is closer though. You wouldn’t be so far from me.”

“I still have to figure somethings out before I make a decision.”

“We can talk about it, if you want.”

“It’s late. Maybe later.”

“Ok just promise me that you won’t make one without talking to me first.”

“I won’t.” But that would turn out to be the biggest lie she would ever tell him.

 

7 Years Later

“Dr DuPont? Dr Adams needs you in treatment 4 please.” y/n looked up from the chart in front of her towards the nurse.

“Did he say what he needed Sarah?”

“He had a little boy on there and you know how he is with children.”

“Yep, okay I got it. Can you make sure Mrs Leire gets to x-ray please. I think she has a fractured fibula.”

“Will do Doc. Hopefully it stays like this today.”

“As long as no one says the word,” she pressed her finger to her lip with a small chuckle.

As a resident at North-western Memorial Hospital y/n was used to how chaotic the ER could get so it was kind of nice that it wasn’t as busy as it usually is. She had managed to help Dr Damian Adams with his “small” problem before she was drawn back into the ER by the nurses. She was handed an iPad and made her way into the next treatment room to find a young woman sitting on the bed holding her left arm tightly to her chest. Y/n looked over the chart. “Hi Alexandra, I’m Dr DuPont. How are you doing this evening aside from the obvious?”

The brunette woman smiled softly at her clearly in a significant amount of pain. “I’ve felt better.”

Y/n noticed her accent and mentioned as much. “Is that a French accent I detect?”

“It is. I’m from France.”

“Enchante.” (Nice to meet you.)

“Tu parle français?” (You speak French?)

Y/n nodded. “I grew up in Monaco.”

“Oh, wow that’s great. My boyfriend is actually from there.” She grimaced as her arm shifted. “He’s on his way.”

“Let’s have a look.” She began gently taking Alexandra’s arm and trying not to cause any more pain she proceeded to examine it. “What exactly happened?”

“Some of us went ice skating and I’m not really good at it. Took a tumble and landed on my arm.”

“Does it hurt anywhere else?”

“No, just my arm.”

“I’m going to send you for an x-ray but I think at the very least you have a fracture and the worst a broken arm.”

“I hope it’s not broken.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you up to x-ray and have you sorted out in no time. Everything else seems great.” She got up and stuck her head out of the room, “Nikki?” she called to one of the nurses at the charge desk.

“Dr DuPont?”

“Can you please take Miss Marlowe up to x-ray please?”

“No problem.” the young girl got up and came over. “Miss Marlowe, you ready?”

Alexandra nodded and got up off the bed. “Thank you, Dr DuPont.”

“We’ll see you in a little bit.”

Y/n was helping another patient when Alexandra’s boyfriend and another friend walked into the hospital. Alexandra was still currently getting her x-ray, but Sarah allowed the two men to wait in the consultation room for her. Y/n had just handed over care of her other patient for admission when she headed over to the nurses' station to find them huddled together whispering among themselves. “Ladies, is everything okay?”

“Oh, that girl with the broken arm?” Nikki asked.

“What about her?” Y/n asked.

“Well, her boyfriend just arrived and all I can say is Wow.”

“Has her x-ray come through yet?”

“Yep,” Sarah handed her the iPad.

“Great, now can you act like the professionals you are and get back to work?” she narrowed her eyes slightly.

“Sorry Dr.” they mumbled half-heartedly together.

“You can see for yourself Y/n,” Sarah said to her softly as she passed.

Y/n rolled her eyes, “Have Andy come down to put a cast on her, I’ll speak to the boyfriend and write up a prescription for meds,” she said before heading into the consultation room.

She felt her heart stop for a second when she saw the two men standing in there. He looked even better then when she had last seen him all those years ago. He was just staring back at her in shock.

“Y/n?” Joris, Charles’ best friend was the first to break the silence. “Wow.” He walked over and pulled her into a hug which she returned still looking at Charles.

“Hi.”

“Alexandra is your girlfriend?” she asked them both unsure.

“She’s his girlfriend,” Joris pointed at his friend who had evidently last his ability to talk. Joris looked between the two noticing how awkward it was. “I’m gonna go.... somewhere not here.” Neither of them seemed to take note.

After what felt like an eternity Charles stepped closer to her and pulled her close, placing his face in the crook of her neck, “Cherie.”

She didn’t want to, but her body reacted of its own accord, and she returned the hug. An announcement sounded outside and broke the spell causing her to pull away. “Its good to see you Charles.”

He didn’t want to let her go. He tried taking her hand but she moved away from him. “You look good.”

“Thanks. Alexandra has broken her arm and will have to wear a cast for about 6 weeks. She can go to her local doctor to have it removed after that. I have a prescription for some pain medication which will help. She’s getting the cast now but as soon as she’s done I’ll discharge her but she might be a bit drowsy from the medicine.”

“Thank you. I miss you.” He again tried to move closer to her but just as he did Alexandra returned.

“Hey Babe, I see you met my doctor.”

“Yeah we’ve met.”

Joris choose that moment to return. “You okay Alex?”

“Yep. They gave me the good stuff.”

“Yeah about that, no driving or anything too strenuous at least for a few days. Need to let that bone heal. Doctors orders.”

“Thank you Dr DuPont.” She smiled.

“Hey, y/n you coming to the wedding?”

 Everyone turned to Joris, Alexandra surprised. “Art will kill me if I don’t. Besides Carla asked me to be maid of honour.”

Alexandra looked at them before asking, “Am I missing something? You all know each other?”

Y/n smiled lightly at the girl, “Monaco is a small country. I’ll go get your discharge papers ready.” She left the group in the room and found Sarah.

“Are you okay Doc?” the older nurse asked her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Been a long night. Can you please get everything sort for Alexandra? She’s good to go.”

“Sure no problem.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna go get some air. I’ll be back in a few.”

Sarah was busy finishing up the paperwork when Charles came out of the room looking for someone. She smiled at him as he approached her. “Hi there. I’m looking for Dr DuPont?”

“She stepped out for a minute. Maybe I can help?”

“Thank you, but I really need to talk to her.”

Sarah nodded knowingly. “Coffee truck outside. But you didn’t hear from me.”

He smiled in thanks before making his way outside. He saw her standing talking to a man inside a small caravan. He made his way over.

The older man looked away from the young doctor and smiled. “Hi there, what can I get you?”

“Actually, I’m here for her,” Charles replied looking at y/n. “Pouvons-nous parler?” (Can we talk?)

“Je dois retourner au travail.” (I have to get back to work.)

“Please?” he looked at her, eyes pleading.

“Ok.” She walked over to a bench in front of the hospital and sat down. He joined her.

“I’m proud of you Cherie.”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Why did you leave? You didn’t even say goodbye.”

She sighed, “I had to make a choice.”

“I thought we were going to make it together. You promised you wouldn’t decide without talking to me.”

“What would it have matter?”

“I loved you Cherie.”

“I asked you not to call me that.”

“Why? Last I remember, you loved when I called you Cherie, or Mon Amour. But especially Belle when I was inside you.”

She stood up. “I need to get back.”

He got up and grabbed her hand stopping her. “Did I do something wrong? Did you not love me?”

She pulled her hand from him. “Are you kidding me? You had my heart Charles. I would have done anything for you. But I was just your little secret.”

“What are you talking about?”

Y/n felt her pager go off and quickly grabbed it. “I have to go.”

“Y/n?”

“I’m sorry,” she threw her cup on the trash and raced inside.

 

Several weeks later.

Being back home in Monaco after all these years felt like nothing she could describe. The familiar sights and smells made her realise just how home sick she was. And that didn’t even include seeing her friends and family again. Sure she had met up with a few over the years here and there but to be sitting across the table from her second mom Pascale was beat by nothing. She had only arrived at the airport a few days ago and they had been waiting for her. Pascale, Carla and Charlotte, Lorenzo’s girlfriend. The three women had engulfed her and she knew she needed to come back more often. But it was when she saw Arthur and Lorenzo that she really felt back. She hadn’t seen Charles yet but she wasn’t surprised. They hadn’t spoken again since Alexandra had been discharged but she had noticed that he had followed her on Instagram. They were busy discussing some wedding plans when Charles and Alexandra arrived. The feel of his lips against her skin when he had kissed her cheeks lightly burned. How was it possible that after all these years he still made her feel things. After everyone had settled and enjoyed lunch, y/n had excused herself under the pretence of seeing some other old friends. She had just reached Pascale’s car which she was borrowing when Charles stopped her. “My car.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m driving.”

“Okay, well have fun,” she said opening the door. But he pushed it closed making her realise how close he was.

“Cherie, don’t argue with me please. Get in my car.”

“Why?”

“Because we need to talk. I’m not above dragging you,” he smirked.

“Sure, but what would your people think?”

“Our people, and I don’t care.” She bit her lip thinking about it. He reached out and pulled her lip out. “Don’t do that. Am I dragging you?”

She shook her head. “Fine.”

He went around the side and opened the door for her waiting for her to get in before closing it. He walked over to the drivers side and climbed in. “Where to?”

“You tell me, seeing as how I’m here against my will.”

“And I thought you wanted to go somewhere?”

“I wanted air.”

He nodded in understanding. “Ok I know where to go.”

“Where?”

“You’ll see.”

They drove around for a while before he pulled into the marina. He got out and was by her side before she had a chance to unbuckle her seat belt. “The marina?”

“Yep, I know how much you love the open water.”

“Last I checked,” she waved an arm around, “this is the marina not open water.”

“Technicalities Mon Amour. Come on.” He grabbed her hand and practically dragged her along the jetty towards his boat. “After you.”

She climbed aboard the boat and made herself comfortable while Charles got them out into open water. He watched her as he drove, she was more beautiful then ever and he had missed her when she left. Hell he still missed her everyday. “Cherie?”

She looked towards him. “Why do you still call me those nicknames?”

“Because they are yours.”

“What about Alex?” she asked looking back over the water.

“What about her?”

“I’m sure she can’t be happy that you out here with me. Besides don’t you call her those things?”

“No. And we are free to do what we want.” He stopped the boat and went to sit down beside her. “What did you mean? Back in Chicago.”

“Charles I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“You owe me an explanation.” She looked at him. “You left. You basically cut me out of your life, no goodbye, no reason. You ignored my calls, my messages. Why?”

“Charlotte.”

“What does this have to do with my brother’s girlfriend?”

“Your girlfriend Charlotte. She was your type, beautiful and smart.”

He sat back, “I know I have a type. What I don’t understand is your point.”

“She’s not my type.”

“Excuse me?”

“I heard you talking to her, the night of your mom’s dinner. You told her I wasn’t your type.”

“Yn I said what I had to say to keep the powers that be happy. You’re more my type then any other girl. You’re the smartest person I’ve every met. And why do you think I call you Belle?” he took her hand and pulled her close. “Every inch of you is perfect and beautiful.”

He ran his fingers down across her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch and bit down on her lip. He groaned. “What?”

“The only one who gets to bit those lips is me.” He took hold of her chin and pulled her in for a kiss.

She knew it was wrong and she felt like she couldn’t trust him but her body reacted of its own accord and she responded. It was only when he pulled her into his lap that she came to her senses. She pushed off him and began to pace. “No. You can’t do that.”

“Cherie.”

“Charles no. You treated us like a secret. For over a year, we had to sneak around and when others were around it was like I was invisible.”

“We agreed that it was for the best. You know how the media and the fans can be.”

“No you decided that and I went along with it because I love you. Yet Charlotte and Alexandra get hate. I’ve seen it and you don’t bat an eye.”

“I thought I was protecting you. I knew how hard it was for you, how you felt like you weren’t enough. But Bebe you have always been enough for me. More than.”

“What about our families?”

“I admit that was for my own selfish gain.”

“What do you mean?”

“I liked having you all to myself. Just us and no one else. Arthur already has you as his best friend. Maman sees you as her daughter. I just wanted you for me.”

“Charles,”

“No, I was a selfish bastard.” He got up and walked over to her needing to touch her. “It was so hard watching other guys talk to you especially the drivers. But knowing you were mine made it easier.” He pulled her flush against him. “Cherie, I’m sorry for all of it. If I can go back and change things I would. I just wish you would have talked to me.”

“Would it have changed anything? I was always going to go to med school.”

“I know, but I would have been by your side. Supporting you just like you did for me.”

She tried to pull away from him, knowing that if she didn’t she was going to give in to need for him. “Charles please let me go.”

“If you can tell me you don’t still love me.”

“What?” she choked.

“You said you went along with me because you love me. Present tense. So Cherie look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t and I’ll let you go.”

“I.....”

“Why are you crying Cherie?” he asked brushing her tears.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

‘Say I don’t love you.” He pulled her in for a searing kiss but before things got out of hand, she pulled away. “I’m getting married Charles.”

He stepped back in surprise. “You’re getting married?”

“Yes.”

Sitting back down he patter the seat next to him. She sat down. “Who is he?”

“His name is Ryan and he is a detective back in Chicago.”

“Why isn’t he here and where is your ring?”

“He is testifying on a case but he’ll be here for the wedding. As for the ring, it was too big so it’s getting resized.”

Charles couldn’t believe it. He had thought it would the two of them together forever but now she was telling him that some other guy was going to get to make her his wife. “When?”

“When?”

“Are you getting married?”

“We haven’t got a date yet.”

“Why not?”

“Just been busy and we just got engaged a month ago.”

“Ok.”

“Okay?”

“I have time.” Charles got up and went to start the boat

“Time for what?”

He just winked at her and turned the boat back towards the marina.

As soon as he had dropped her at his mom’s house, Charles made his way to his brother’s place. “Arthur, I need you to help me get Yn back.”

“Back?”

“You have beer? We need to talk.”

 

Over the next few days Y/n found herself been teamed up with Charles at almost every event. Not to mention she received a lot of little gifts here and there, she knew it was Charles. Ryan arrived just five days before the wedding and Yn was happy to see him but she didn’t miss the way Charles would watch them or the fact that Alexandra wasn’t around. The night of the rehearsal dinner Arthur dropped the bomb that y/n and Charles would be walking down the aisle together and as party of the wedding party they would be sharing a dance. She pulled Arthur away just before dessert. “What are you doing?”

“No idea what you mean?”

“I’m supposed to be walking with Enzo.”

“Change of plans, Carla wanted Charlotte and Lorenzo and you and Charles.”

“Why are you both pushing me and Charles together?”

He shrugged, “We’re not. It’s just how it’s worked out. Come on y/n it’s one day. Look I know things with you and Charles is complicated...”

“You have no idea,” she mumbles.

“Actually, I do.”

“What?”

Arthur looked towards the door, making sure they were alone. “Charles told me.”

“How much?”

“All of it. I wished you would have told me. I kinda sensed that something was different, the fact that he was always worried about you and how he’d get irritated when some guy was talking to you. I should have seen it.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. You’re my best friend.”

“It’s okay. He explained it all. Even the part of Charlotte. She never made him happy. Now I know why.”

She walked over to a little bench and sat down. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. He’s with Alex and I’m with Ryan.”

Arthur joined her, “They broke up “

“Who?”

“Charles and Alex. That day when you two disappeared, that night after he told me everything he broke up with her.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s in love with you.”

“Arthur...”

“Y/n hear me out.” She nodded for him to continue. “Do you know he went after you?”

“He did?”

He nodded. “It was a few months after you left for America. He had to wait for summer as he had back to back races but I remembered he would pester me with information about where you were. Apparently you blocked him. But he found a picture of you with some of your class mates and he was able to track you down to Baltimore but by the time he got there you had gone on summer vacation with some of your friends.”

“He never told me.”

“He never told me why he was going there. He just said he was taking a trip to the US. He knows he screwed up big time and I know that he is in love with you. The question is how do you feel?”

“He knows how I feel but I love Ryan. We’re getting married. I can’t just throw the last 4 years of my life away. Besides I live in Chicago my home, my job it’s there.”

He took her hand, “Petal you are my best friend and you know I love you and want only the best for you. Whether that’s Charles or Ryan, only you can decide. But I want you to promise me that you well think about things before you actually marry Ryan. Before you commit yourself to anything.”

She nodded. He pulled her close and kissed her upon her head. Before getting up and re-joining the party. She sat there for a few more minutes before Ryan came out looking for her. She got up took his hand and kissed him before they too re-joined the party.

 

The day of the wedding arrived and even though Carla was supposed to be the show stopper, Charles could not take his eyes off of y/n. The dark purple dress that Carla had picked for her bridesmaids looked amazing on her. It flowed down her body in soft silk, hair up exposing her beautiful cream neck. That neck that he loved to suck on, leaving his mark on her. He had sent her little gifts, everything she loved. But he knew his time was running out of he was going to get her back, He hated seeing her with Ryan, he just hoped that his plan would work.

“You look gorgeous Mon Amour.” Charles finally had the opportunity to talk to her and have her on his arms as the bridal party took to the dance floor. Arthur had made sure to pick a good song which allowed him to hold her close to his body without suspicion.

“You can’t call me that anymore Charles. You know that.”

“I’ll never stop call you that, or Cherie or Belle. Because that’s who you are. I don’t care about Ryan.”

“He’s my fiancé.”

“For now.”

“Just what does that mean?”

“You haven’t set a date.”

“So?”

“So are you sure you want to marry him?”

She tried to pull away but he held her tighter, tight enough to make her gulp. “Charles,”

“Song is still playing. Might raise some questions Cherie.”

“Well maybe I don’t care.”

“Oh you care because your fiancé is watching and if you rush away now, he’ll have questions. How are you gonna explain to him that you have feelings for someone else?”

“Don’t do this Charles.”

“I love you and you love me.”

“It’s not that simple. You know that.”

With that the song ended and she was finally able to move away from him. He did not get the chance to be alone with her again that night.

Two days after the wedding Ryan had to return home and Yn was staying behind a few more days. She and Pascale were spending some time together when she got a phone call.

“Hello?”

“Good Afternoon is this Dr Yn DuPont?”

“That is correct. Who may I ask is this?”

“My name is Giovanni Merlenti I worked for the FIA. We’re the....”

“I know who the FIA is, I grow up around Formula 1.”

“That’s right, I read that in your resume.”

“My resume? I apologise for being blunt but why are you calling me?”

“Its about the job. We would very much like for you to join our team. Your resume speaks for its self and added to that the recommendations we’re received, well you’re perfect for the position.”

“What position?”

“Head of our medical staff. You’ll be travelling the world with the formula one teams making sure that everyone, especially the drivers are healthy and should the need arise make sure they are taken care of should anything happen.”

“I’m sorry Mr Merlenti but I didn’t send in my resume. I wasn’t even aware of the position.”

“Of course, we received it from a team principal, you come highly recommended.”

“Which team principal?” she asked bit having the feeling she already knew the answer.

“It doesn’t matter Dr DuPont. I can sense that this has come as a surprise but I would really like you to think about it. You will of course be well paid and get to see the world. I have your email address, so I will send you a contract to go through and give you a few days to think about it. You can respond to that email. Have a good day further.”

“Thank you. Good bye.” She put down the phone, fuming. Just what the hell was Charles doing?

 

Charles had just sat down to watch a movie when someone started banging on his door. He put down his cup of coffee. “I’m coming, just relax.” When he opened the door he came face to face with a very pissed of Yn. “Hey Cherie.”

“Don’t ‘Hey Cherie;’ me. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she slammed her purse on the kitchen counter. He walked over to her and reached out his hand which she slapped away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Calm down Yn and tell me what’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong? You applied for a position with the FIA for me?”

“Oh that.”

She hit him in the arm, quite hard. “That’s all you have to say? Why would you do that? I have a job.”

“Yeah, in Chicago.”

“It’s my home.”

“No, you’re home is here in Monaco. Actually technically it’s with me.”

She sighed, “I’m not having this discussion with you again. I’m getting married Charles. You need to accept that.”

“I can’t,” he said moving closer and trapping her between his body and the counter. He placed his hands on either side of her.

“Move.”

He shook his head, “Why haven’t you set a date yet?”

“I told you, we’ve been busy. We both have hectic jobs.”

“The truth Yn. Are you in love with him?”

“Stop.”

“Answer the question first.”

“I love him ok?”

He shook his head and lifted a hand to run his thumb across her lips. “That’s not what I asked.”

“Please.”

“Does his touch make you ache like mine does?” he ran his finger down her neck towards her chest. “Does he make you wet just thinking about his fingers, like I do? Does he touch you in just the right places? Does he even know the right places?” She felt her eyes close as his hand continued to travel down her body to the hem of her dress. While he leaned in and started trailing little kisses on her neck. She instinctual moved her head to the side to give him better access. She let out a moan as she felt his hand slip under the dress and into her panties. “Your already dripping Belle. Can he make you do that?”

“Charlie,” she gasped as he easily slid a finger into her wet pussy.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” he looked her in the eye finger still inside her but not moving. “Tell me now.”

Without a word she crashed her lips onto his. He pulled his hand out and grabbed her making her jump into his arms. He wrapped her legs around his waist and carried her to his room never detaching his lips from hers.

He made her stand as he removed her dress and underwear before pushing her onto the bed. He made quick work of his own clothes and joined her on the bed, his lips leaving searing kisses along her body. He grabbed her hands and held them above her head as he gently slipped his cock inside her warm, wet walls.

“Charlie,” she moaned as he filled her up, reaching the deepest parts.

“Tell me what you want, what you need Cherie.”

“You.”

He began moving faster and harder, the sounds of skin slapping on skin, heavy breathing and moans that were like music to his ears. He let go of her hands so that he could touch her clit while he moved his cock in and out.

“Please go faster,” she cried as she grabbed onto the bed sheets, the pleasure building inside her. She didn’t know if she could last much longer.

He knew it, he knew her body, just how to make her squirm and thrive. “You look so beautiful. You were made for me Mon Amour. And I was made for you. Cum for me,”

“I’m close. Don’t stop, please.”

He felt her tightening around him, and he could feel his own ache coming, “Let go Amour.” He felt her body begin to shake as she reached ecstasy crying out the name he loved to hear caused him to explode inside her , coating he walls with his cum. He flopped down next to her pull her with him so that he was still inside her. Just the fucked out look on her face made his cock twitch again. He kissed her, before pulling her into him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Alex broke up?”

“I didn’t want you to blame yourself.”

“But you broke up with her because of me?”

“I broke up with her because I didn’t love her. It would have ended soon anyway. No one lasts because their not you.”

“Charles.”

He kissed her again to silence her. “ No, lets just enjoy this. Tomorrows problems are tomorrows. Right now all I want to do is hear you scream my name again.” He pulled out of her causing her to whine. “Oh Cherie, just you wait. I’m not done with you.” Sliding down the bed he grabbed her legs and pulled her down placing each leg on either side of his head he dipped down ready to taste.

The sunshine work him up and he turned with a smile which quickly fell away as he saw the empty bed beside him except for a piece of paper with two simple words, “Goodbye Charlie.”

It had been several weeks since she left and Charles had not heard from her at all. He had thought about calling her but he had realised that this was her answer. He missed her, it was almost eating him up in side and he knew it was effecting his driving. He was struggling out there and today’s qualifying was the tip of the ice berg. He had just barely made it through to Q2 of the English Grand Prix when he lost control of his car and ended up in the barrier. It wasn’t a bad crash but he had some how managed to cut his arm while getting out the car and was currently waiting in the med bay to see the doctor. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear someone come in until they spoke.

“You miss me that much?”

His head shot up at the sound of her voice, “Cherie?”

“Hey Charlie. I’m sorry I left. I had to go back and sort some things out. I mean if I’m going to be travelling the world with f1 I had to pack up in Chicago.”

“You took the job?” he replied getting up.

She nodded.

“What about Ryan?”

“I ended it. You were right, I never picked a date because even though I loved him, I wasn’t on love with him.”

“Really?” he smirked.

“Yeah, turns out there’s the Monegasque guy who kinda stole my heart along time ago. And I can’t seem to find anyone who makes me feel the way he does.”

“Do you want someone else to do that?”

“No, I want him. But I’m not sure he is available.”

“Oh I know for a fact his available.” He pulled her into his arms.

“Careful, we need to fix that arm.”

“It can wait. I need my girl more.”

“Charlie,”

“Don’t call me that here Cherie.”

“Why?”

“While I don’t think you’ll want me to take you right here do you?”

“I love you but nope.”

“I love you too Cherie. And as soon as I get this arm fixed up and do my media duties I’m taking you out on a date.”

“Really? Where we going?”

“Somewhere extremely public. I want the world to know who is the love of my life and who is going to be my future wife and mother of my children.”

“Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself there?”

“I lost you once Cherie. I have no intention of ever making that mistake again. You stuck with me for life.”

“I like the sound of that.”

[roger-maylor-brian-tay]

I Don't Get It

Ok, so I read a thread on X about what's happening in the next chapter of Given 10th Mix. I was excited to know that there was some akiharu moments there, but then afterwards I got disappointed and confused at how Akihiko is treating Haruki.

Honestly, I'm pissed.

So, they're like, supposed to be so called married, because Akihiko is showing off his ring, but then Haruki isn't wearing one because Akihiko doesn't let him? And his reason was so that Haruki doesn't look like a lonely married woman? It looks more like the only one married or engaged here is Akihiko (to whom tho? I don't know, because nobody else is wearing a ring) and Haruki is not. Who even think that when you see a person wearing a ring while having a coffee in a cafe all alone that you'll think "oh look, that person is a lonely married woman!" Who the hell think that way?? You cannot tell if a person is married and lonely just by looking at the ring and noticing zero companion he/she has!? And seriously, you do not jump to such conclusion right away after seeing a person wearing a ring and alone to be someone who is married and lonely! On the contrary, Haruki not wearing a ring is just telling everyone that he's single and can be approached by anyone! This is mind boggling to me! Would you want your partner to be the only one wearing a ring and you're not wearing one? Would you like that? I don't understand Akihiko's logic. I don't understand Kizu sensei's logic! Is Akihiko taking his relationship with Haruki seriously? Is Kizu sensei taking Akihiko and Haruki's relationship seriously? What kind of a partner is Kizu sensei trying to make out of Akihiko for Haruki? The Akihiko who freaked out from not having a clear relationship with Murata Ugetsu is now not wanting Haruki-his partner-for-real, to wear a ring while he does? So, that's like back then he wanted a relationship with Murata Ugetsu but the other person didn't want it. And now he wanted a relationship with Haruki and already got it, but then not wanting Haruki to let other people know that he is in a relationship with him? History seems to be repeating here, in a way. What the hell? This is confusing af. What the hell is going on in Akihiko's mind?

I'm taking this as "Akihiko not knowing how to be in a relationship with someone", given that he never had serious relationships with anyone in the past before, and that Haruki is the first person he's seriously romantically involved with. But 10 years have supposedly passed, and shouldn't he be going through some character development already? Unless Haruki as the person who's been in a real relationship before, allow all this to happen. After 10 years being with Akihiko and still not understanding him seems like he's okay with being confused all the time. Haruki seems to be tolerating his lover too much. Is Haruki taking his relationship with Akihiko seriously?

I even couldn't use the word married for their relationship because it doesn't feel and look that way. They're not living together when they're in the same town and only one of them is wearing a ring. So, to me Akihiko and Haruki aren't married, they're still just lovers. Kudos to Ritsuka and Mafuyu for looking more like a married couple from living together all this time.

Well, since Haruki is not wearing a ring then he's open to be snatched away by anyone anytime now lol.

===

April 1, 2024

[bracketsoffear]

OK time to recreate my Final Pam propaganda: When conceiving her, Griffin asks, "If the Four Horseman are Conquest, War, Famine, and Death, what would the fifth one be?" After going through the potential names Phyllis the Unconquerable, Indomitable Pam, Ruin, Pam Who Death Forgot, HOPELESSNESS, LOOK OUT IT'S PAM, and The Overseer, his answer is "The Final Pam": "She is both the metric by which the world will be judged and the judge and executioner...when the seventh seal is broken and the last of the horns is blown". Her official titles include:

Believing there won't be enough resources in the Vault (where they're going to escape the coming nuclear apocalypse) for everyone, Pam secures the supplies for herself and her family by telepathically murdering everyone else in the neighborhood:

Unfortunately, tragedy strikes--her first husband Trash Hulk is murdered and her son Shaun kidnapped by the plot, and her second husband/son Roachie despawns. Thus, Pam (Griffin) comes to blame the game itself for her misfortune:

"All right, let's go find some more husbands and children to lose, I guess. I'm less excited about this now, this game's taken everything from me. Two sons, two husbands".

In Episode 2, using her godlike powers and incredible strength, Pam--along with Metal Husband (Codsworth)--wreaked havoc upon the Commonwealth. This includes brutally punching radstags, increasing the size of Dogmeat, murdering molerats and resurrecting their mauled corpses, murdering raiders and resurrecting their desiccated corpses, and tampering with the genetic attributes of herself and others. She also replaced Shaun with Coffee Tin (who is, in fact, a tin of coffee)--humanity has been replaced with objects/junk.

Following an ill-fated attempt to summon Shaun, which instead produces ghostly copies that weren't supposed to exist--"I don't this fool is in the fucking game"--Pam decides to try and break the game itself, with her first attempt being to detonate 1000 Nuke Mines in the middle of Diamond City:

(Pictured above: one Nuke Mine detonating.)

Finally, we get to the finale: 

"We made a promise at the end of the last episode. That we would destroy the game from the inside out. I feel like we should make good on that because I'm kind of sick of this shit. I don't want the game to kill itself before I can do it, and I know that that is sort of Bethesda's--like--core competency, is making self-destroying games, so let's get to work."

When faced with a world that is fundamentally wrong and horrible because of corporate incompetence and the cruelty of greater powers--a world that ripped away her loved ones while she was powerless to stop it and is generally broken and bad in every way, a world that is Always Ending because of its shitty code--Pam swears to personally kill it. She won't even let it self-implode, she specifically wants to be responsible for the Terrible Change. She doesn't even just want to crash the game--"That's not fun [...] I want to get the game to a state where it can no longer be loaded by anyone." Her goal is to render Fallout 4 fundamentally uninhabitable, rending apart the very fabric of her existence and changing it into something so alien and terrible that it can no longer be handled or endured.

And by god does she make good on that oath.

First, she discovers the power of the setrace command that lets her turn any creature into anything else (which is described as "beautiful") and decides to test if she can turn someone into a Vertibird:

So that man was just turned into a machine. She then turns Metal Husband into the mighty murder bot Liberty Prime, followed by a human--making meat out of one that should not be meat.

She then decides to take a more direct approach to breaking the game: "we're gonna find a way to kill every important character in this game and that'll be how [...] we win."

Then after the ensuing murder spree (where it's revealed Pam has a proboscis somewhere), she has a revelation:

“I can just start turning off parts of the game.” So she turns off the grass--which is Extinction for obvious reasons--and then she turns off something called “trijuicing.”

Apparently that was important enough to the integrity of the game that getting rid of it makes the save file unplayable and accidentally creates a Pocket Dimension Heaven where she and her husbands, sons, and husband/son live, unable to die.

Pam then tried to kill the Vault-Tec Representative in an attempt to change the past and free the inhabitants of the Pocket Heaven Dimension because "I don't want all of my favorite loved ones to be stuck with me in this frozen hellscape where life does not exist and therefore it cannot end." This fails, so she resorts to detonating Nuke Mines again, killing Trash Hulk again but failing to set anyone else free.

Final Pam struck out into the now-pristine land untouched by the bombs, only for Todd Howard to seal her in an infinite ocean full of Coffee Tins to stop her from destroying every other video game world:

"He's trying to protect the other video games on Earth by keeping her locked in this pocket hell dimension. [...] It's gonna be up on every game site in the world--game corrupted by intelligent NPC. [...] Right now I'm in Kingdom Hearts III, still in development, and I'm ruining it from the inside out. You heard it here first, that game's gonna be bad because The Final Pam got to it, but she can't access it because she's locked in this hell dimension."

Unfortunately, Todd Howard underestimated the lengths to which Griffin and Justin would go to keep Pam's dream alive and spite Howard for not letting them do all the dumb shit they wanted to. By deleting Fallout 4 entirely, they unleashed Pam upon the digital world.

Final Pam is invading every game, everywhere, even ones that were created before she was. She cannot be stopped. She will bring ruin to every world.

TL;DR: Final Pam was created to help cause the end times in a way comparable to fellow Extinction Avatar Pollution. She responds to an unfair dystopian world--dystopian in that Fallout 4 takes place in a nuclear post-apocalypse in a region that's pretty shitty even by that world's standards at the time, and dystopian because it's a badly programmed video game that cruelly takes away her loved ones due to hackneyed plot and game mechanics--by setting out to destroy it. She twists the inhabitants of her world into unnatural abominations, slaughters others in scores (sometimes with radioactive explosions, because Massachusetts wasn't irradiated enough for everyone not as immortal as her), and tampers with the code itself to such an extent that her world crumples and dies. Even when the creator of her world intervenes to try and stop her reign of terror, she breaches containment through the death of her homeworld to bring ruin to countless other ones. The monster that humanity created has escaped her constraints to inflict Extinction across time and space as the result of their hubris and wrath.

Y'know, her backstory is a lot more weirdly reminiscent of John Gaius' than I expected.

Anyway, The Final Pam is just as much an Extinction Avatar as any of the other of the semifinalists, and even if she doesn't win--which I think she should--I want you to understand why I went to the trouble of creating this damn propaganda post TWICE and backing it up externally so EVERYONE WILL FEAR PAM.

.

[dumdeeedum]

Interview with the Vampire season 2 (Spoiler Warning, obviously)

OK, I'm going to get my thoughts together better on this but I'm not sure where this season is going and I'm losing interest already. I'm starting to understand why Anne Rice's son hasn't promoted this. It feels like they think they're writing a better story than the source material and... no. The things they seem to think are intriguing are not the things even Anne Rice seemed to think were interesting and they're not the things I find interesting. I don't like this story unravelling like a big fucking reveal. If you're going to make "Interview with the Vampire" two seasons, which they never should have done, focus on the characters! I don't understand so many things and it isn't in a way that's exciting to me anymore. They've made so many changes in ways that actually take away from the characters (Claudia, Armand, Lestat, and Daniel in particular) and I'm not seeing a good reason for that on the horizon either. They've also made changes that make certain things about vampire lore in this story less interesting and I'm bummed about that! I'm going to reiterate that the ages of these characters matters very much, the things these characters have been through relative to their ages matters very much. Making these actors so much older than they're meant to be ABSOLUTELY takes away from their characters and I'm having a hard time even recognizing these characters and reconciling them with the ones from the source material. And it isn't that they're bothered by making Armand an old vampire but also a 17-year-old sex trafficking victim that they wouldn't even have to get graphic with (because they never did in the books) because they had no problem making Claudia 14 and giving her sex scenes with an adult man. What these VERY YOUNG characters go through at their VERY YOUNG ages is what MAKES THEM. Lestat being a fucking 21-year-old fuckboy idealist who went to Paris with his musician boyfriend to be an actor MAKES HIM. Why are all the actors pushing 40?! Why is Daniel aged up and why don't I give a shit about him anymore? Especially when Armand and Daniel had a really interesting story in "Queen of the Damned!" ONE CHAPTER exploring the relationship between these two was more interesting than anything they're giving us right now. I'm not the type of person who theorizes very much, I'd rather let the storyteller tell me their story and decide how I feel about it after but obviously I'm supposed to come away from each episode intrigued for the next and I'm just not. I'm bored and I'm confused and in the age of the streaming service having television shows walking on tight ropes to earn another season that's really bad. They don't have time for this shit. This series is feeling like it's meandering and given the age changes they DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT. They don't have time to spend 10 years telling a story with actors pushing 40 who aren't meant to be aging! What age were they supposed to be again? Did they even say? I don't think the issue is the race changes, it's not moving the show into the future and all the things they have to do to have these characters navigate that. In fact, that would have been more interesting than this. The problem is taking away these timeless things that these vampires deal with that makes them interesting and even somewhat relatable. Right now Louis and Claudia are fucking boring. It's boring watching Louis putz around with adult ass looking Claudia trying to convince me she's a child when sometimes she's seen as a child by everyone else but then sometimes she isn't because the adult man she dated couldn't tell. OR COULD HE? Which is it? Why don't we know?? Why does Louis seem to understand so much about being a vampire as to render this search for others meaningless? What are they doing?? I wish I were more excited for this season but I'm just wary. At least Lestat actor was entertaining and a distraction to some extent even though he's too goddamn old. We'll see, I guess.

[randomrabbidramblings]

Random Phantom Ramble

Ok starting writing this just a couple of hours after the news of Phantom's return.

I wasn't really prepared and I still have some brain fog from the not so great week, and my brain isn't yet in the "Total Chaos" mode, so I'll write my thoughts now.

I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say the reveal was really unexpected. The DLC Is supposed to come out by the end of the year, but I guess at Ubisoft they couldn't help themselves. When they said "late 2023" I immediately tought they'll release it around Christmas, but at this point, I think it will be sooner. Since there are already rumors of a new Nintendo Direct in September, some people speculate they will pull a Luigi's Mansion 3 and the setting will be an haunted hotel, maybe it's going to relaese in late October/November? May be fitting!

Phantom as a main villain is something a lot of people expected since his dedicated trailer back in Kingdom Battle. To think this has a chance to be true is something my brain has not yet fully grasped. The fact that he might show up with Cursa's broken mask is just *chef's kiss*.

Finishing writing this as I'm feeling way better and the announcement is starting to dawn on me. I've been staring at the Instagram post grinning like an idiot for a bit too much, lol.

I know I may sound like a broken record and really biased on this take, but Phantom has been one heck of a character for me. I think he might be the character I had an acitve fixation on for the longest time (maybe on par with GlaDOS and Wheatley from Portal back then). I've always loved hammy, full of themselves, hypocrite villains and Phantom has all that plus a musical number? And he's based on the Phantom of the Opera? A literal theater ghost? A melodramatic, capricious, vain, fancy dressed cartoony theater ghost with a remarkable ego, singing about another character's supposed flaws while not seeing (or not aknowledging) his own? All of this offering plenty of character development to play with in the fandom? Canonically he'll gladly kick Mario's ass if he had legs and in fandom his selfish, vain persona is just the tip of the iceberg? 100/10 fits all my checks for being my favourite.

To think about it now, after the reveal, it makes a lot of sense. The hints, the shoutouts, the cameos, the foreshadowing (the dreams, lol, stil not over the fact that a lot of us dreamed about a supposed return). I didn't have a lot of faith for them to bring him back, at least not in Sparks of Hope, in my mind there was no concrete reason within the lore to do so. I really like how the devs love the character too. Between the cameos and averything else, the reveal really does feel like they're so excited to have gotten that Rabbid on a stage again. Wonder if Phantom willingly came back or he played hard to get again and the devs had to bribe him somehow, lol.

[By the way, if Phantom shows up wearing makeup I'll start to believe the devs listen to their fans (or at least aknowledge our fanarts, lol) as a lot of us has been drawing him with it.]

*A cathartic experience*

[quetzalpapalotl]

Anyway, Energon Universe Transformers spoilers under the cut

Ok, so first of all, they fucking killed Bumblebee. Oh my god, if nothing else, I gotta admire the audacity of it. But I guess it makes sense, not just for the shock it would have for Transformers fans, but also because they're trying so hard to get non-tf fans to read this. Bumblebee is one of the few Transformers those people would be likely to recognize, so it's the best choice for it to have any sort of impact. I hope it sticks because otherwise it would feel really cheap.

(Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't they want to kill Bee in idw1 phase 1 and Hasbro said no?)

But also I fucking hate it, oh my god, that's my boy!!!! You gutted him like a pig!!! Why!!! I get everyone is tired of Bee getting the spothlight all the time, but you didn't have to kill him!!!

Well, it creates a link between him and the Witwicky's, which is as good as any hook.

Killing Jetfire does feel like a waste tho. RIP Ravage (is he actually dead) but nice that the Decepticons also got a fridged character so we can feel for Soundwave. Equality.

Now, for the most important thing, which is of course the man himself Optimus, he seems good. I greatly enjoy how much he's suffering and how troubled he is, but they seem to be sticking to a noble characterization. Not that I don't enjoy a gritty Optimus on principle, I just don't trust people to be able to do it right. Anyway, god, look at this man, I can already feel how he's regretting all his life choices.

The preview of issue 2 seems to imply that Optimus doesn't need energon to run thanks to the Matrix, which is cool and makes sense.

No trace of Arcee despite how prominent she's in the covers, but for that reason I'm sure she'll show up soon enough, very excited.

Speaking of covers, it's a sure thing Megatron won't show up at least until the first arc. Strascream is very vicious in this, so it'll be fun to see what happens when he inebitably returns.

What I'm interested in is how short the war seems to be. Strascream says they're been at war for a hundred years, I suppose he's not counting the years they were offline, but how much is that? I really hope is not millions of years this time, but on VD #1 Jetfire deduced he was stranded for millions of years (and he hadn't seen SS in centuries before that?) so the war could have started at any time after that.

Well, given everything they're saying and VD #4, it would make sense that it started due to lack of resources, which is supposed to be a component of the war in many continuities, but in this one you can really feel the shortage. If I had to guess, the most obvious conflict would be that the Decepticons wanted to exploit other planets for energy and the Autobots refused to do that, but even if that were true they don't seem to have actually taken the war to space given how unfamiliar they act with encountering other life forms.

That Squish typed in blood was really nice.

Anyway, it's too early to say anything, but this seems like a good start. I'm pleased with how the Autobots are in a really thigh spot, it actually makes me a bit nervous and excited to see what comes next. I don't really have any complaints expect that the Johnson still doesn't seem used to drawing robots and lot of the angles and poses are really awkward. Which is a pity because I would love to ogle at Optimus while he's in pain. Otherwise is pretty good, the flow, shots and general feel of it is very, vey good. The humans look better than anything from IDW and the colors are nice.

[ashleighalba]

Jeremiah’s Selfish Summer: Me, Myself, and a Little Bit of Belly

*Jeremiah* In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to make this decision but I've never been so sure of anything. I know my mom has been through so much this past year and I would love to spend this summer with her but I have to do what's best for me. I know she’s getting sicker as the days go on and our time together is limited but she’ll never admit how much pain she is in and it kills me that her days are numbered. But I'll see her when summer is over and hey maybe I'll come back for the fourth with my dad so we can all spend time together just like the good old days. I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but it just feels right. You saw the way they looked at each other the second she got out of the car you can't tell me it didn't mean anything… I will never stand a chance against him cmon it's Conrad Fisher for God's sake, the golden boy. I don’t think anyone will agree with my decision but this is the first summer I am finally going to put myself first. 

A few days later…

Jeremiah: Hey Mom do you have a second, I've had something on my mind that I wanted to talk to you about.

Susannah: Yeah what's up honey?

Jeremiah: I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I think I want to spend this summer in the city with Dad I know it's not ideal but I figured since I'm going to be a junior this upcoming year it would probably be best if I begin doing things to add to my resume this summer and maybe go to a few football camps to get a headstart.

Susannah: Oh honey, why would you want to waste your summer? Those things will be waiting for you when you get back. You've never cared about those things and moments like these we spend together as a family are so precious, none of it is guaranteed and could be ripped away from you in seconds. I know you have your mind set on this but please think about it, it could be the last summer we get to spend all together. 

Jeremiah:  I know Mom and as difficult it was to make this decision I have to do what is best for me. I'll miss you guys like crazy, but hey I'll see you for the fourth. I already talked it over with Dad and he said he's excited to have someone to keep him company while everyone else is away. I leave first thing tomorrow morning and I just wanted to give you a heads-up.

Susannah:  OK, keep me updated and if you change your mind let me know and I'll make the drive up to go get you right away.

Jeremiah: Thank you for understanding. I love you.

*Jeremiah* It kills me that I had to lie to my mom about something like this because I tell her everything she’s my best friend. But how am I supposed to tell her that I don’t want to spend all summer watching the girl that I thought I would marry and grow old with one day be so madly in love with my older brother? She was supposed to be my girl, she was supposed to be my future wife…

A month and a half later… 

*Jeremiah* This summer has been exactly what I needed. I hope they're all doing well at the beach house. I miss my family a lot but I met a nice girl and I think I’m gonna take her with me to the beach house for the Fourth of July. Her name is Lilly and my dad said it would be okay and it would be nice for her to meet Mom. Being we became official this last week I know it was quick but it’s been a while since I've met someone who gets me the way she does. It's refreshing. 

The Fourth of July… *Arriving at the beach house*

*Jeremiah* I'm excited for everyone to meet Lilly, especially my mom and Laurel gosh I've missed them a lot. This summer had been very refreshing and boy was it nice to not have to think about Belly and Conrad. Oh no, I forgot about Belly, I forgot about her feelings. How is she gonna feel about Lilly? Well, there's not much I can do now we're pulling in… Belly and I lock eyes almost instantly as I get out of the car Belly races towards me and jumps into my arms. I spin her around. Something about her being back in my arms just feels right.  I didn't think I would feel this way, especially since I’m with Lilly now. But there's just something about her beautiful smile, the way her hair frames her face so perfectly, my stomach fills with butterflies when she smiles at me there's just something about her I can't help it, Belly has and will always have a special place in my heart. Oh no, Lilly, I turned back around and helped Lilly out of the car, and as she stepped out of the car the smile on Belly’s face dropped and her face went blank. She asked who was this and I introduced her to everyone. Guys this is Lilly she came to spend the fourth with us this year. 

Belly: Oh that's nice of you to bring a friend. 

Jeremiah: No Belles she's my girlfriend.

Belly: GIRLFRIEND!?!?!

Steven: Nice bro now we can go on double dates with Shyla!

Lilly:  A double date sounds like a lot of fun, it's nice meeting you all Jerimiah has told me a lot about you guys.

Susannah: Here let me help you guys with your bags. Come on Lilly I’ll show you around and where you will be staying with Jerimiah.

Lilly: Sounds good thank you for showing me around, if you don't mind I'm gonna go find Jerimiah.

*Lilly hears Jerimiah and Belly in the living room and peeks around the corner*

Belly: Jere why would you bring her here you know this is supposed to be family only it's time we are supposed to spend all together before our last few weeks of summer, not for your little girlfriend.

Jeremiah: You don't get to do that. You don't get to act like you finally care about me and tell me what to do with my life. You've spent your whole life throwing yourself at Conrad any chance you got and I had to beg for your attention. And now all of a sudden you care about who I’m with and what I'm doing. I don’t wanna hear it.

Belly: What are you talking about? So that’s the reason you chose to leave all summer because of me and Conrad? We are nothing. 

Jeremiah: That's exactly why I left, is that what you wanted to hear? I left because I couldn't stand watching the love of my life throw herself at my older brother.

*Lilly enters the room*

Lilly: She's the love of your life?

Jeremiah: No Lilly it's not like that I didn't mean…

*Lilly takes off *

Belly: Jere I’m sorry 

Jeremiah: Just stop can’t you see you've done enough?

*Jeremiah chases after Lilly*

Jeremiah: Lilly please stop, let me explain.

Lilly: What is there to explain, you promised me you were over her.

Jeremiah: I know and for that, I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was but I guess I’m not. Please understand that my feelings for you are real but I do wish I would have told you about my feelings towards Belly these types of feelings don’t just go away you have to understand that.

Lilly: It's okay I know there's a lot of history between you… She did seem pretty hurt by us maybe you should go see what those feelings were about.

Jeremiah: Thank you for understanding, I hope we can still be friends. I genuinely do care about you.

Lilly: Go on go get her.

*Jeremiah runs off*

Jeremiah: Hey Mom, have you seen Belly anywhere?

Susannah: I think she went to the dock honey why what's up?

Jeremiah: Thanks, I'll explain later.

*Jeremiah sprints to the dock and sees Belly from afar, except there's someone else with her it’s Conrad…*

*Jeremiah* Of course she ran back to him as she always does. Why would I even try? In a perfect world, she would realize I’m the one who truly cares for her, who understands her in a way Conrad never will. But no, she keeps going back to him, like a moth to a flame, blinded by some illusion of love. What does she see in him anyway? He’ll never love her the way I love her. He doesn't know the depths of her soul as I do, the way her laughter dances like the sunlight on water or the way her eyes hold a universe of emotions. Yet she keeps choosing him time and time again, leaving me here to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. But maybe one day she will realize, maybe one day she will see that I'm the one who truly loves her, the one who would do anything to make her happy. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll finally choose me over him. But when that day comes, and she finally waits, I’ll be gone because my heart can't handle any more hurt, and if she does choose me, who knows how long her love for me will last? I truly hope she finds everything she ever wanted in him. Please take care of her the way I never got the chance to. 

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Part 8: The Wedding

"You look absolutely stunning" I say to Julie with tears in my eyes.

She hugs me "Thank you for being here by my side through all of this." She says softly.

"You and Tom are like family to me. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the whole world right now"

Julie's dad comes in the room. He starts crying and hugs Julie "my baby girl" he says. They stay behind as the ladies go find the men in the hallway that leads to the room the ceremony will take place in.

The guys are already standing there. Evan turns around and a smile lights up his face. We didn't get to stay with each other last night and it's like Christmas for us both. Oh, the honeymoon phase.

He breaks away from the group and comes up to me "Hi Beautiful" he says and rubs his hand on my shoulder. "You're so soft" he kisses it.

"How's it goin' handsome?" I say to him and smile.

"I don't want to smear your makeup" so he plants a light, soft kiss on my lips. I smile.

"Places everyone!" The wedding coordinator is wearing a headset on her head and she looks like she isn't gonna take shit from anyone. I'm suddenly so excited I get to walk on Evans arm.

Suddenly, I'm knocked into and I'm falling. Evan reacts instantly and catches me. I hear "oops, my bad" and look behind me to see Heather smirking. Even though she is wearing the same dress as the rest of us, she looks slutty. It's just her natural state I guess. I roll my eyes. "That all you got, honey? You don't have Evan so I guess you have nothing exciting in your life" Evan smirks and pats my hand as if to say "children, please"

We walk down the aisle and separate at the arch. Tom nods at me and shakes Evan's hand. The party files in one by one. When Julie walks down the aisle, Tom starts crying. It makes us all a bit puddly. Throughout the ceremony Evan and I peek around everyone. He winks at me. I smile. Finally, they pronounce husband and wife and Julie and Tom are now married. We all cheer and clap. We file out and when we get into the hallway Evan kisses me on the forehead.

When we take pictures we are all joking and having a good time. Evan and I get a photo as well as all the other wedding party couples.

After we are introduced into the reception, we eat and sit through speeches. Tom and Julie dance and then they invite the wedding party out. We stand and Evan puts his hand out to me and leads me to the dance floor. He takes me in his arms and takes the lead. He leans to my ear "I can't wait to get you home later"

I smirk "I have plans for you already" I say coyly

I can feel his heart beat speed up

The song is almost over and he speaks again. "Can I talk to you about something?" He sounds serious.

"Is everything alright?" I ask with concern in my eyes

He nods "I just have been wanting to tell you something for awhile now."

We go sit out in the lobby on a couch where it's quiet. He starts.

" I just want to tell you something. I have been very hurt in the past. A long relationship went south and we were engaged. And I have been a little guarded since."

"You don't seem that guarded with me, though."

"There's just something about you that's different. But, lately I have just been feeling a little...like, scared. And not showing it. I'm just afraid it's going to grow and fester. Are we moving too fast?"

"Do you think we are? If you need space, it's ok..."

"I think I'm afraid because I feel so different with you and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Is there more to this story that you're holding back?" I ask

"Yeah." He's silent. "I was not treated well by my ex. It was a bit..abusive in some ways. My self esteem was crushed. Kinda soul crushing a bit. I just feel like I need to know what love actually is supposed to feel like again. I don't know. I'm just feeling a lot of different emotions."

"Well, first of all, thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot. Second, I have said this before but it bears repeating that this is a safe space. You are so, so safe with me, sweetheart." He closes his eyes and I touch his face.

"I need to be showed that as well. My ex was good at talking and reeling in, but not following through with her supposed good intentions" he says

"I will move mountains to show you. I am here for whatever you need from me. Let me help you. Let me love you like you deserve to be loved. I am so blessed to have you in my life. I will do anything it takes to make you believe and feel that"

"I felt like I could tell you this. I felt like it would do me good to tell you what I need"

"I want you to tell me what you need from me, always. It does not ever matter what it is. The only thing that matters to me is that you feel loved and satisfied and happy. Your body and your sweet soul."

He kisses me hard. His tongue finding mine. I pull away and ask "ready to go home with me, my sweet love?

He nods yes and kisses me one more time.

😭😭

[timeoverload]

Well it has been a crazy week so far. I have had to stay late every night. I'm so happy that I have Thursday and Friday off next week for Thanksgiving.

I felt sick this morning and I was coughing a lot but they wouldn't let me go home so I toughed it out. They wouldn't let me leave because there wasn't anyone available to cover me which was kind of shitty. I am supposed to train another person tomorrow how to do my job so I hope that alleviates some of my stress. I feel better than I did this morning at least. I was contemplating calling in tomorrow because it would be nice to rest. I don't want to be super tired and crabby on Friday. I probably won't do that because I have no idea if I'm still on probation. I don't want to think about work anymore right now.

I wanted to say that I really appreciate all of the encouragement that I've gotten lately. I was thinking about that a lot earlier. It has helped reduce some of my anxiety. I also feel a lot more confident in myself. I know I can achieve my goals and I just need to keep trying. I am not giving up. I've realized that I just need people to believe in me. I'm glad you haven't given up on me through this surreal experience. Thank you all for being patient with me when I have said crazy things and when I don't understand something. I am grateful for all of the people that have been keeping an eye on me all this time. I appreciate you all for giving me guidance and something to look forward to every day. Thank you for being the light when I've been in a dark place. I know I have said that I feel alone in the past but I know I'm not. I was very emotional and confused for a while. I know I have a lot of people that care about me. Thank you all for listening to me and being so nice to me. I love you all!!!!

Maxwell I also wanted to say that I appreciate you being more open with me because that has helped me a lot too. I have enjoyed getting to know you better and I like the things you have shared with me. We definitely have a lot in common. I can't help but be curious about you because I think you're fascinating. You know how to make me smile and laugh when I'm in a bad mood. You are an amazing person and I'm so happy I met you. My life is so much better with you in it. I'm so excited to spend time with you and have fun. I love you!!! 💖💖💖

I have faith that everything will get better soon. I need to do my best to maintain a positive attitude. I am going to be ok.

I am getting tired now. I have a feeling I will be up late though because I still have a lot to do before bed unfortunately. I will have to stay late again tomorrow but I will try to make it a good day anyway. I should probably stop rambling now. I hope everyone else has a wonderful day tomorrow!!! :)

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Impatient anon again 👋🏻

I'm always excited to see you posting asks it helps me to ease my mind and do a reality check. Since the release of "Seven" I felt kinda guilty and isolated for my reaction to it (mostly because of lyrics/rap part) in the ocean of adoration and praise about JK's choices in chapter 2 from everyone else. Then I stumbled across your post and it was exactly what I was feeling/thinking at that time. I instantly felt "I'm not the only one!!" I'm not crazy!!" So thank you for that 😊

And I like to listen to your thoughts because I personally don't see it as pessimistic or dramatic, just raw. You don't sugarcoat things and I'm all in for that. To me it sounds quite rational even if it come across as rude or harsh to others. I guess I have the same style of expressing myself: emotions + explanations 😂 I am an emotional person but I always use critical thinking and somehow tend to "roast" the people I love the most (because of emotional involvement and instant reactions).

I love and admire his personality. He is my favourite versatile singer. His voice...is truly healing. But now I can't feel the magic. I'm just an observer who is trying to trust his choices (even if it's questionable sometimes but what do I know about the industry he is working in?). I don't know what to connect to anymore (his lack of artistry/creativity) and that what makes me sad the most. No excitement, more like anxiety for the new releases 😂 I just miss my man talking to bugs and fish and kissing his dog endlessly on his cozy lives ❤️‍🔥 But he chose to release p*rn songs (ah, sorry, matuuuure and honest) and be more "sharp and powerful". Ok 🙃 (btw I'm not against it just wanted him to write the lyrics himself, make it sensual and kill the whole fandom with it. Imo he could make it tastier not that provocative/edgy/american~ish to show his "mature" side). Or maybe it's just me.

I absolutely adore his softness (it's rare in men and I don't necessarily think that's all he has as for his character), I just wish he could accept this side of him without trying to look a particular way in the eyes of the public. But realistically thinking with his position in life this must be the hardest thing for him to do. Not to overthink. Can't even imagine the pressure and craziness of his life. I want an excursion to his brain to finally understand him without drowning in my own assumptions about him (or others). He is always saying something without further proper explanation in the interviews and...I just can't with him 😅

And what's for the teaser...I liked the quality (great director), the vibe and even the song. Sounds better than seven judging by the tiny snippet but the lyrics... I'm expecting the worst 😁 Something is telling me it won't pass the misogyny examination of Namjoon's female professor he is always consulting with on this topic. Let's see what will happen tomorrow 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

*sorry for any mistakes and over explaining, English is not my native language (but I tried 😅).

Hi impatient anon! Thank you so much for the warm reassurances!!! I'm very happy you can relate to me. I can relate to you as well. I post stuff not only to get if off my chest and process my feelings, but also in hopes that anons like you will reach out and I can feel understood! I understand the way your mind works and the over explaining part haha. I'm the same. I have reservations about Jungkook's songs, and dread them more than anticipate them as well, which kinda sucks haha. I think we're going to get generic lyrics, overtly sexual on Jack Harlow's side, subtle on Jungkook's, with Jungkook walking around holding a bat (he's so baby face, how is he supposed to look tough? and that's such a cliché anyway), and the trailer seemed nice, but who knows what will come of the MV! Fingers crossed though!

Thanks for the ask! I'll see you on the other side! Make sure to over explain your thoughts on the MV later! My ask box is always open!!

[iamthecomet]

I always feel bad for coming in here and just ranting about my problems, cause I know yet aren’t that bad but I can’t really talk to anyone in person here about them and I just feel a little bit better talking here because I feel it’s actually genuine.

But have you ever had someone pray on your down fall, or unknowingly do it? If that makes sense… but I’ve had ppl say they truly didn’t think I’d make it this far, to my face, and weirdly enough I could handle it. I took that and pushed my way to get athletic and academic scholarships. But just now for a project we had in physics only one person in our group had to turn it in, which the professor didn’t say that so we were all working on it. But when we figured it out they called and told me cause I was still working on it but I had don’t all the graphs and formulas and sent it so I could help them out. I asked if they got them and they go “uhhh yeah imma be honest, they weren’t right…” UM HELLO. Thanks for telling me before I turned it in?!?

Like it won’t hurt my feelings if you tell me I’m wrong, give me some advice on how to do it right, but it DOES hurt knowing that your weren’t going to tell me and let me get a bad grade. Thanks. That right there made me lose all trust in those two girls. Girls that I’m taking multiple classes with and am also on the same team with.

I know you get a lot of ppl who like to talk and tell you what’s going on in life, and I think it’s because YOU are a TRUSTWORTHY person, a GENUINE person who wants what’s best for people. So thank you, and all the other online friends for being some of the few people who are like that, holy shit. I know I’m being dramatic but right now I can’t tell if I’m more pissed or sad that it all happened.

But PLEASE distract me tell me all the things in your life right now, good or bad, if you’d like. Tell me fun things that have happened or things you’re excited about!! I’d love to know if you’re doing amazing:)🖤🖤

Holy shit, Mo. In all genuine honesty, fuck those people. Like, seriously. I'm sorry that you have to do so much with them. I think people are so afraid of conflict that they unintentionally create it by being like this. Or maybe they just genuinely don't care--either way it's not a great way to live your life or communicate with other people. And it isn't a reflection on you it's a reflection on them. Ok, enough of that. My life? Christ, Mo. My life is BORING haha. Let's see, my library is planning a solar eclipse party for whatever day in October the partial Solar Eclipse is. We're BARELY getting any actual eclipse but we got sent five billion eclipse glasses and we love an excuse for programming. (And we're getting a full eclipse in April so this is our practice run). So that's going to be my fun work thing for the next couple of weeks! I saw one of my best friends over the weekend. I don't see her much anymore since she left her husband and moved in with her new boyfriend 2 1/2 hours away. But that's alright, she is SO MUCH happier. I made her a little dumpster fire crochet (she immediately named him Daniel). We judged the clueless out of staters for a few hours at a weird craft fair thing we went to, and then we went to the book store and got boba tea and it was just a really wonderful day. I'm in a writing group that's supposed to last from August-May and the end goal is to have a finished draft/self-published book by the end of it. So that is super exciting. I'm working on a story I've been trying to tell for YEARS. I'm just hoping to get it out of my head. It has nothing to do with fantasy, or smut, or ghouls. But I'm hoping it will help me process some shit. It's exciting, I am unmotivated, but I'll make it work haha. Everyone else in the writing group is like 10-40 years older than me so it is a WILD experience. I sort of feel out of place with all these "adults" who read their fancy literary books and I'm over here like "well...I...read books for fun so they have to be fun!" I feel like the dumb little kid in the room. Which I'm pretty used to at this point in my life. But I have faith in my own skill, and I've worked with the guy running it before in short story programs he's done and he has faith in my skill, so I am unbothered by being the weird young person in the room. I am worried that I'm going to get to May had have nothing to show for it--but eh, we'll see when we get there. Please never feel bad about coming to me to vent/talk. I'm glad you know that you can just come into my ask box and decompress from the bullshit. Everyone deserves a place like that. Sending you love and hugs if you want them. And, seriously, fuck those people.

[lightlycareless]

sooo can we get a sneak peek 👀👀

Heya anon!

Was planning to do a post for that, kind of like "if I get one like I'll post a sneak peak" and then like it myself lol but you won me to that!

Anyways, here's the first page/segment of the next chapter :) I hope you enjoy it!

WARNING: spoilers for chapter 33🤭 also, some words might change. Gotta give it that last proofread if you know what I mean.

“Dear Hinata—

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m still not used to writing that, the whole dear Hinata thing. It reminds me of those really old letters, like from the Victorian Era or something, or those during the war, when people used to be very polite and stuff, super formal even with their own friends and family! I don’t know how to describe it… I hope you get what I mean.

But yeah, reading back through my letters after I'm done writing them always makes me laugh because I think I’m being melodramatic.

In my excuse, it’s all because of those etiquette classes we were forced to take since, I don’t know, we were born? Ugh, and only because of our roles in the clan! Which I don’t mind! Really… but sometimes the elders tend to be very weird about it, and it makes me feel like they don’t deserve to be treated respectfully at all! I know that you, more than anyone else, would understand what I mean.

Ah, well, I’m not writing to you to complain about my preferences, I’m doing so because… there’s no other way to put it: I miss you.

It’s been a while since I heard anything from you, or at all. And I’m not writing either to complain about that! I don’t want you to feel guilty, if you ever get time to read my letters, for not responding because I know for a fact you’re very busy with work. 

Last thing I heard was that the crisis was getting worse. It was already bad during my last mission, so I can only imagine how it is now.

Either way, even when I understand why you can’t respond, it’s still… painful to not hear anything from you. I wish I could at least get one letter from you, a call, even a smoke signal for god’s sake, I don’t care, just to let me know how you, Ren, dad, and everyone else is doing.

I hope Satoru isn’t bothering you too much, Sumire too. I know very well how annoying they can be on their own, so I feel even worse knowing that I can’t help you ease the burden of their antics ^^; hang on, Hinata!!

As for me, life here has been… ok, to say the least. The life of a married woman is surprisingly boring, but I think that’s mainly because there’s so many new things I now have to take care of that I ever thought of before! Mom and dad sure made it seem so fun… or that’s what they wanted us to think? 

Anyways, now that I’ve experienced a bit of the “married life” I now feel confident to tell you that you did the right thing in not marrying Satoru. Being a wife is boring, you’re expected to keep most of the time in the house, tending to it and its inhabitants… So yeah, definitely boring. Although I think Satoru could’ve managed to also make it irritating. 

But yeah, being a sorcerer is much more exciting, totally.

That kind of makes my life sound terrible, right? Like I’m locked or something. Please, don’t worry. I’m ok, busy, but ok. Just missing you, and Ren. 

I hope dad is ok too. He worries me the most. I… hope he hasn’t taken up on drinking again. You know how bad he gets when he spirals… please take care of him if you can.

From there, I don’t really have anything new to say. My ladies, Mariya, Haruko and Hitomi, have been quite calm nowadays, and that’s a bit eerie if you ask me! Anyways, I hope you can meet them one day. Or Mai and Maki, I think you’d find them adorably funny too! And mischievous. They kind of remind me of us when we were younger. Oh, but they’re definitely way nicer, we used to be our parent’s nightmare, remember?

But all in due time, I suppose.

Well… I guess the main point of this letter is to tell you that I miss you, very, very much. That I hope you’re ok and… don’t worry about me. Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll be here.

Take care, and give everyone a big hug from my part.

Yours truly, Y/N.

P.S. Don’t let Satoru get the idea that just because I’m not there, my things are his. They’re not. And please, please, please don’t let him delete my save files. I do intend on playing them again when possible”