#just my thoughts. uh. they could be completely wrong so take this with a grain of salt

[whisper-and-tangle]

ohhh god. oh no. tangle is CLEARLY super nervous here- she's sweating, and has no idea what to do- but she's making jokes and trying to smile and even laugh, because first of all, she wants to be a hero-

does trying to be witty to divert attention away from disastrous situations remind you of anyone. anyone with blue quills and pronouns.

-And she even did this during the metal virus arc, when she literally fucking died. Tangle is desperately trying to keep the team together- she doesn't want it to fall apart, and won't let that happen- she's trying to reassure everyone, but Lanolin's just done with it. Every mission they've ever been on- From the metal virus (Where a pissed-off Lanolin appeared in the background) to Surge,- they escaped by the skin of their teeth. They're barely scraping by- and Lanolin was on the sidelines then. She's now being referred to as boss, by Tangle, trying to cheer her up- basically Tangle's way of saying 'oh god. we're completely fucked. we need a plan or we're all fucking dead' (i mean. im exaggerating a bit but whatever) and Lanolin...just gave up.

She doesn't think she's cut out for it. She was desperate, needed help- maybe a distraction from life- or a way out of this place- or was done with all the destruction- I'm not sure yet, I don't exactly know her origin story, but either way, she joined the restoration and watched it crumble.

She watched leaders quit and falter, she watched the metal virus destroy their last 'bastion of hope', she watched the restoration that was supposed to rebuild, razed to the ground, forced to start all over again.

Tangle's terrified and she doesn't want to show it.

Lanolin's gave up and lost any hope.

Sonic's struggling, but trying to hide it.

And Blaze & Silver only just arrived-

And Whisper?

She's hurt. Not physically, atleast yet- but she's clearly emotionally hurt, her relationship with Tangle clearly strained at the moment-

But Tangle's struggling too, and she can't always be upbeat and cheery, but she can try, except the Whisper being upset with her isn't just painful for Whisper- it's painful for Tangle! She had no idea about Surge! She was trying to be nice- trying to honour their memory- and while it was a stupid, maybe even out of character decision- her intentions were pure, and she doesn't know why Whisper is so mad about it. Whisper has a right to be upset- but, for things to be fixed, they need to push past this and have a moment to talk about it.

The thing is, though?

Tangle already tried.

She tried talking to Whisper, but she's too mad to even want to talk.

Either they'll have a big argument, maybe eventually sorting things out, or Whisper will finally calm down- and they'll be able to talk things out.

But right now? The former seems more likely.

She just wants to fix things, but it seems like everyone else is too busy watching the flames burn it all down to try.

[married2myphone]

Chapter Six: Blast To The Past

Life As The Avengers' Housekeeper

Pairings: Platonic! Avengers x Female Reader

Tags & Warnings: humour, fluff

Chapter Summary: Bucky spends all his time inside watching the same movie over and over again, so Y/n takes him out and helps him feel like he's back home.

A/n: Tumblr's doing this thing where it won't make my posts show up in tags. On pride month too, so disappointed.

Word Count: 4.5k

Tag List: @olsensnpm, @natasha-belova, @caroldanvers2, @matchat3a, @venomsvl, @glxwingrxse

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

—

“Hey, what are you watching?” Y/n asked when she saw Bucky sitting on the couch staring intensely at the screen.

“The Godfather.” Bucky mumbled, not looking away, but taking note that Y/n had sat next to him.

“Again? This is like the seventh time this month now.” Y/n said and Bucky simply grunted in response, not seeing anything wrong with what Y/n said.

“There are other films out there set in the forties, you know?” Y/n said, looking at Bucky who still kept his eyes on the tv.

“Like what?” He asked and Y/n let out a huff when she realized she didn’t really have an answer.

“Uh, Casablanca? That was in the forties, I think.” Y/n said and Bucky stayed silent for a moment.

“I didn’t like it.” Bucky answered and Y/n let out a surprised gasp.

“Seriously? I thought that was one of the best movies or something.” Y/n said and Bucky simply shrugged.

“It wasn’t for me.” Bucky said and Y/n let out a sigh as she took out her phone.

“Let me look at some other movies for you to watch so you don’t rot your mind with The Godfather.” Y/n said and Bucky simply nodded in response.

“Let’s see… Boy In The- Nope.” Y/n said, scrolling past that suggestion because she doesn’t think a movie about the war would really help Bucky who fought in the war.

“Dunkirk. Nevermind not that. The Pianist, yeah no. Darkest- Okay, no. Pearl- I’m not even gonna say the next word. Jojo Rabbit? Oh that’s cool, one of the actresses looks just like Natasha.” Y/n said, showing a picture to Bucky who finally glanced away to look at the photo.

“Looks nothing like her.” Bucky said, returning his attention back onto the movie.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Y/n said as she continued looking. 

“Oh, The Sound of Music! Apparently it’s set in the late thirties, but close enough, right? I watched it and I liked it. Maybe you should try it.” Y/n suggested and Bucky paused the movie and leaned back against the couch so he could focus on the conversation instead.

“I don’t know. I’m not really a musical guy.” Bucky said and Y/n raised a questioning eyebrow to the man.

“What?” He asked.

“It’s just that Steve told me you were a huge dancer back before the whole icing thing. He said you were the best dancer he knew.” Y/n said and a small chuckle left Bucky’s mouth. 

“Well, Steve didn’t really know a whole lot of people back then, so take his words with a grain of salt.” Bucky said and Y/n let out a scoff of disbelief.

“He’s Captain America. I’m sure he knew tons of people.” Y/n said and Bucky fiddled with his fingers awkwardly.

“Well, when he became Captain America, we didn’t really have a whole lot of time to go dancing.” Bucky said and the air became awkward at the implication.

“Right…” Y/n mumbled, but she shook her head and the smile returned on her face.

“I’m sure that dancer is still in there somewhere. Maybe you just need something to pull it out, like a musical.” Y/n said and Bucky shook his head in response.

“I lost that part of me a long time ago. That hasn’t been me for a long time and I don’t think I have it in me to become that person again.” Bucky said in a surprising bout of vulnerability.

“Don’t say that.” Y/n said with a small frown on her face.

“It’s alright. I don’t think it’s even possible to come out of something like that completely your old self.” Bucky said as he grabbed the remote and started the movie again.

“Well, I like the way you are right now, even if you don’t sometimes. But I bet some old part of yourself is still in there.” Y/n said, patting Bucky on the shoulder and the man released a breath.

“Maybe.” He mumbled and Y/n thought to herself for a moment before getting up.

“Well, enjoy your movie!” Y/n said with a smile and Bucky gave her a small wave as she walked away.

A few weeks later, Bucky was laying in his bed, doing nothing but staring at the ceiling, when he heard a knock on his door. Bucky looked at the door before reluctantly getting up and going over to open it.

“Y/n? Do you need help with dinner?” Bucky asked, recalling how a few hours ago, Y/n had announced that no one was to step foot into the kitchen unless they wanted their arms chopped off as usual before cooking. 

“No, I actually already finished dinner, but we’re not going to eat here tonight.” Y/n said and Bucky furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“But you said you just finished dinner.” Bucky said.

“I know, but that’s for Bruce and Pietro. We’re going to be eating out tonight.” Y/n said, but it didn’t really ease Bucky’s confusion.

“Okay? Where are we eating?” Bucky asked and Y/n grinned up at him.

“It’s a surprise. Now go take a shower, and get dressed like how you would normally get dressed before you became a soldier.” Y/n said.

“What?” Bucky asked, getting more and more confused with each sentence Y/n spoke.

“Just do it! Meet me outside once you’re done, and don’t take longer than an hour!” Y/n said, closing Bucky’s door and walking back to her room. Bucky stood there in confusion.

“Before I became a soldier?” He mumbled to himself in confusion as he got himself a towel and headed into the shower like Y/n told him to.

When he got out, Bucky went through his closet and must’ve stared at it for half an hour, trying to figure out what Y/n meant. When he realized that his forty minutes were almost up, Bucky just grabbed what he thought looked good.

He took some brown pants, a white undershirt, and a light cream shirt, leaving the collar open a bit with some suspenders. Was this what Y/n meant? He didn’t have a lot of time to think about it, so Bucky just grabbed his Converse and put them on before walking out of his room.

He was relieved to see that Y/n was nowhere to be found when he walked into the living area because that woman surely would’ve given him hell had he been late. Bucky looked over to the kitchen to see food sitting in a pot on the stove and was confused as to why Y/n wanted to go out.

His attention shifted elsewhere when the sound of a door opening from down the hall filled the air. The loud clicking of ears followed and Bucky turned around to the hallway, eyes widening when he saw who was walking out.

“Don’t I look so pretty?” Y/n asked with a big grin as she put a pearl earring on before extending her arms and doing a little spin.

She was wearing a cream colored dress, similar to the one Bucky was wearing. The sleeves were folded up a bit and her hair was done up and curly with a red ribbon. She also wore red lipstick, heels, and had a pearl necklace and matching pearl earrings on to finish the look.

“My butt is so numb from sitting in front of that mirror trying to curl my hair like this without burning it. I don’t know how women in their forties could do this everyday, it is such a chore.” Y/n said with a chuckle, then she realized that Bucky hadn’t said anything.

“Well? How do I look?” Y/n asked, snapping Bucky out of his thoughts.

“Like you walked straight out of the forties.” Bucky said as he looked Y/n up and down. For a moment, he had forgotten he was in the twenty-first century and was taken back to slightly easier times.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Mr. Barnes.” Y/n said, putting on her best forties accent.

“Nobody actually talked like that.” Bucky said with an amused smile on his face and Y/n frowned in return.

“Really? But all the people in those forties movies talked like that.” Y/n said and Bucky shook his head in amusement.

“Where are we going dressed like this? I don’t think many people are walking down the streets of New York looking like we’re in the middle of a world war.” Bucky said and Y/n placed her hand on her hips, sending the man a pointed look.

“You know, the point of a surprise is that you’re not supposed to know what it is until it happens.” Y/n said.

“I wasn’t aware that I was in for a surprise.” Bucky said with raised eyebrows.

“I thought me not telling you where we’re going to eat was enough of a hint that I had something planned.” Y/n asked, crossing her arms and Bucky paused for a moment before releasing a breathy laugh.

“I guess you do have a point there.” Bucky said and Y/n smiled in response.

“Come on, I don’t want us to be late.” Y/n said, grabbing Bucky’s arm and leading him out of the compound.

“Here, catch.” She said, tossing Bucky something which the man easily caught with one hand. He looked down to see a pair of keys.

“If you want me to drive, I’m gonna have to know where we’re going.” Bucky said as he followed behind Y/n.

“Yes, yes, I know. But to avoid ruining the surprise, I’m just gonna tell you which turns to make.” Y/n said as they were met with the cold night air.

“Wouldn’t using a GPS be easier though?” Bucky asked in confusion and Y/n turned to him, walking backwards while facing him with a smile.

“There’s not gonna be a GPS on what we’re riding in tonight.” She grinned and Bucky was about to ask something again when his eyes caught something behind Y/n.

His steps slowed to a shock as his eyes widened at the sight of a seemingly new sleek and dark red nineteen-forty Chevrolet. Bucky’s dream car ever since it came out.

“How did you…” Bucky said in shock as he slowly walked over to the car, hand touching the hood and staring at the car in disbelief.

“Now you better behave, Mr. Barnes. My daddy is expecting you to bring me back home before midnight and if he sees even a single scratch on his car, you’re gonna be staring down the barrel of his shotgun.” Y/n said jokingly, repeating the forties accent she did earlier.

“Again, we didn’t talk like that.” Bucky said, still in shock as he looked up to Y/n who let out a huff.

“Just let me enjoy it, okay? Now do you want to drive this car or not?” Y/n asked and the Bucky looked back to the car once again before a huge grin spread onto his face.

“Can I really?” He asked Y/n whose face softened at the joy on this man’s face, causing a smile of her own to appear.

“Yes, now come on!” Y/n said with a laugh and Bucky shook his head in disbelief but didn’t wait any longer to go over to the driver’s side and get in. 

“Oh, wow. It still has that new car smell.” Bucky said with a satisfied smile as he felt the material of the seats, looking around the car and taking in the sight of the car he’s been dreaming about for so long.

“How does it feel, Bucky?” Y/n asked, enjoying the look on the man’s face, as if he was a child that had just walked into a toy store.

“This reminds me of that one time I convinced Steve to sneak into a car show with me. We snuck into one of these and just sat there. We knew it would be the only time we’d ever experience sitting in a car like this, and even though we got beat up by the guy who owned it later, it was so worth it.” Bucky recalled as he lifted his hand up, gripping the steering wheel and letting out a deep breath.

“What are you waiting for then? Let’s take it for a spin!” Y/n said enthusiastically and Bucky looked at her with a smile on his face, as if unable to believe this was real.

But he came to his senses and put the key into the ignition and started it up, getting chills when the car came to life.

“I just realized this thing has no seatbelts.” Y/n mumbled as she looked around, trying to find something to protect her.

“Oh, you didn’t need any seat belts back then. You just stuck your arm out the window and enjoyed the thrill.” Bucky said as she put the car into drive. Meanwhile, Y/n had just processed what he had said.

“Wait, what?” She asked, but Bucky didn’t even hear her, too excited as he sped the car off.

Y/n felt herself be pushed slightly back into her seat as Bucky started rolling his window down. He seemed to revel in the wind hitting his face and the experience of driving this car. Y/n has experienced riding fancier and much faster cars than this, and she’s sure Bucky has as well.

But it seemed like none of those other vehicles compared to the feeling Bucky was getting from this car alone. His excitement was becoming infectious and Y/n couldn’t help but grin as she rolled her own window down and stuck part of her head out, feeling the wind against her face as well.

She took it up another notch as she leaned half her body out, turning as her body was facing up and letting herself lean back with her arms extended out. Bucky glanced back and forth between the road and Y/n who was screaming her excitement out into the dead of night without fear.

Bucky grinned as he leaned his head out as well, keeping his hands on the wheel, but copying Y/n as he shouted out into the air. When the two put themselves back into the safety of the car, they couldn’t help but be out of breath from all the excitement.

“Oh, make a left turn!” Y/n pointed out and Bucky was quick to turn the wheel and make the turn right before they almost missed it.

Y/n continued to point out directions and she couldn’t help but happily watch Bucky drive. It was the most emotive he had ever seen the man be, and she’s known him for a bit of time now. The Bucky she knew was always so solemn and passive, obviously resulting in everything he’s been through since dropping from that mountain on that mission decades ago.

But Y/n couldn’t help but feel like she was seeing the person Bucky used to be before all of that happened to him. 

When Y/n had told Bucky to pull up to the side of the street, the man was incredibly hesitant to get out.

“We can drive around the city in the car for as long as you want after dinner, okay? But right now, I’m really hungry and you need to eat something as well.” Y/n said and Bucky let out a sigh.

“Okay.” He said, taking the keys out and stuffing it in his pocket as the two exited the car.

“Follow me.” Y/n said and Bucky nodded and he followed the girl into a dodgy dive bar. 

The dive bar looked incredibly sketchy. The place seemed incredibly old and Bucky has been in some gross dive bars before, but this was a whole new level of weird.

“Can I get you something?” The man at the bar asked. He was a big and burly man, wearing a simple vest and undershirt, arms covered with tattoos and a balding head of hair.

“Oh, hello there, darling. Me and my friend here heard rumors around the streets about this place and simply could not wait to experience your wonderful establishment. But don’t worry, we bring many gifts with us as well.” Y/n said, returning her forties accent which made Bucky look at her in amusement.

The intimidating glare the man wore quickly disappeared after hearing that last sentence, being replaced with a warm smile as he beckoned the two over with his hand, walking into the back room.

“What is this place?” Bucky asked as Y/n started eagerly following the bartender.

“You’ll love it, I promise.” Y/n said excitedly, grabbing Bucky’s arm and leading him towards where the man was taking them.

“You both look incredibly lovely, it’s always nice seeing people put so much effort into playing the part.” The man said, his gruff tone from earlier disappearing completely, being replaced by a soft Irish accent.

“Why thank you, sir.” Y/n said, curtseying to the man who nodded his head in response with a smile before opening another door, leading to a set of stairs going down.

“Let’s go!” Y/n said, quickly heading down the stairs with Bucky following behind, still very much confused about the situation.

As they continued making their way down the stairs, Bucky’s ears were met with the beautiful sound of brass, drums, piano, and this soulful voice along with the loud chattering of people.

They were met with another door and once Y/n entered it, the stairway was filled with light and it was like the two were transported to an entirely different world.

Bucky felt the air in his lungs leave his body as he was met with a bar full of people that look like they all came straight out of the forties. From the people, to the music, to the ambiance, it all felt like Bucky was back home in Brooklyn where everything was normal and nice.

It felt like the overwhelming modern world Bucky was thrusted into no longer existed within the confinements of this room. As if this room really did capture a part of the forties and stuck it into this speakeasy without any complications.

“How did you find this place?” Bucky asked in wonder as he looked around, feeling nothing but nostalgia run through him.

“I did some digging and found out this speakeasy does historical themed events every month based on a different period of time. This month just happened to be the forties and I thought it would be perfect for you.”

The Avengers were constantly having events because of Tony and the need to get more investors to support the Avengers, and each time Bucky had to attend one of those things, he would always feel incredibly uncomfortable and out of his limits.

But right now, Bucky has never felt more normal since waking up from being brainwashed by HYDRA and being saved by his best friend. He was finally able to go back to the life he was stripped away from after all these years, and he almost felt like falling to his knees and crying.

“We have been standing here for over five minutes and you still haven’t offered to buy me a drink. Where are your manners, Bucky?” Y/n teased after seeing Bucky fall deeper into his thoughts. She didn’t want Bucky to fret too much because she wanted the man to take advantage of this event and enjoy it as much as he can before it’s over.

Bucky looked back to Y/n and gave her the most thankful look he could convey with his eyes alone. Being able to ride his dream car was already more than Bucky could have ever asked for, but this… This really was a dream come true.

“I apologize, I don’t know what came over me. Usually I’m more of a gentleman. Let me make it up to you.” Bucky said, mimicking the accent that Y/n did with a small smile appearing on his lips.

“I knew you guys talked like that.” Y/n said with a grin and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. Y/n looked over at the man and felt her heart swell with pride after seeing Bucky’s relaxed posture and carefree smile on his face, a twinkle in his eyes that Y/n has never seen before.

“Let’s go have some dinner now, shall we?” Bucky asked, sticking his arm out to Y/n who grinned and grabbed a hold of it, the two making their way over to an empty booth.

Bucky ordered a beef stew and some bread along with a nice cocktail while Y/n ordered a simple steak and mashed potatoes, plus two slices of Pecan Pie for her and Bucky as dessert. Throughout the meal, Bucky reminisced to Y/n about his time with Steve in New York when they were both younger and how it was the best times of their lives.

“I left him for one second to get a drink and he already managed to piss some guy off and get beaten up in an alleyway. Again! It was the third time that week already, but the guy just doesn’t know when to quit!” Bucky recalled fondly and Y/n chuckled in response.

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like something Steve would do.” Y/n said and Bucky shook his head in amusement.

“The guy was useless at everything. Couldn’t hold himself up in a fight, had two left feet, absolute wreck around women. I don’t know how he managed to pull off becoming a super soldier for that long.” Bucky said with a sigh as he took a sip of his drink.

“You talk a lot of shit about Steve’s dancing but I don’t see you doing any better.” Y/n teased.

“That’s because you’ve never seen me dance. But anyone can make themselves look like an incredible dancer when they’re dancing next to Steve. It’s why I was more famous on the dance floor, his moves kept making me look good.” Bucky joked and Y/n grinned.

“Why don’t you prove it then? Steve isn’t here to make you look good, all you have is your own skill.” Y/n said as she finished slid out of her side of the booth and stood up.

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked in slight shock when Y/n turned to him and held her hand out to him.

“May I have this dance, Sergeant Jame Buchanan Barnes?” Y/n asked and Bucky looked up at her with a hesitant look on his face.

He hasn’t danced in years and Bucky wonders to himself if he even still remembers how to. This was probably the most he’s smiled in years as well because there hasn’t been much to smile about at all. Everything that came with being in the twenty-first century was filled with nothing but bad memories and experiences.

But being transported back home through this underground bar that Y/n had found just for him, it made Bucky feel like all of that didn’t even exist. Like he was never taken away from his life and that he was back to living it the way he was supposed to be.

Even if it was just for tonight, Bucky let himself pretend that all of that; HYDRA, the brainwashing, becoming the Winter Soldier, the killings; never happened.

“Yes, you may.” Bucky said as he grabbed Y/n’s hand and left the booth, walking her over to the empty space in the bar, spinning the girl who let out a shocked but excited yelp at the action.

It was like falling back into an old routine, one that Bucky never really forgot even after all this time. Bucky pulled Y/n back into him as he let himself feel the music, his feet moving fast against the beat with Y/n easily following his lead.

Without even thinking about it, Bucky pulled Y/n back into him, one arm going to her waist and the other holding onto her hand as she spun them around, swaying back and forth like it was second nature to him. 

People were watching and soon enough, other people got the courage to get up and join in on the dancing, making Bucky feel like it was a Friday night in the local bar where everyone just got paid and decided to have fun after a never-ending week of overbearing work.

As they were dancing, someone entering the bar caught Bucky’s eyes. He gaped at the sight of Steve Rogers wearing familiar forties attire walking inside, looking around the bar with a look of wonder on his face. Bucky slowly stopped dancing as he met eyes with Steve who gave him a small smile, a light sheen to his eyes.

“Oh, you made it!” Y/n exclaimed when she turned to where Bucky was looking out, immediately filling with excitement when she saw Captain Steve Rogers.

“Well you sound so enthusiastic over the phone that I just had to come.” Steve said as Y/n ran over to him and gave him a hug.

“I thought you weren’t set to come back yet.” Bucky said slightly breathless as he went over to his best friend. Steve was on a mission and he wasn’t supposed to come home until five days from now.

“Well, Y/n managed to convince me to wrap up my mission a lot sooner because apparently she had something planned for us. She said if I didn’t follow through, she'd lock me out of my room and make me sleep on the couch for a week.” Steve said and Y/n smiled up at the man.

“And you just regained your room privileges.” Y/n said and Steve chuckled in amusement.

“Well? What do you guys think? Did they get the place right?” Y/n asked, watching the two men look back to the bar and take everything in.

“More than you could imagine.” Bucky said with a sigh before turning to Y/n.

“Thank you. This means so much more than you know.” Bucky said and Y/n smiled, pulling the man into a hug.

“You’re welcome.” She said before pulling away and smiling up at the two men. 

“Come on, Steve. I need someone to make me look good on the dance floor.” Bucky said as he started walking back to the center of the room, leaving Steve with a furrowed look on his face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, following after and Bucky just snickered. 

Y/n watched as the two bickered in the middle of the dance floor with Bucky trying to teach Steve how to dance and Steve standing uncomfortably stiff around everyone else. It was nice to see those two in their element and Y/n was proud to say that she had some part in that.

[nekropsii]

Hi just wanted to say that I really like the way you think about Damara.

Like I really like her, but I kinda of hate her character because of the way Hussie handles her.

There is also the japonese/Asian stereotype thing, I don't mind Damara being like Japonese or whatever, In fact I kinda of like it?(Im probably bias cause Im japonese, but still) but the way that it was written makes it look so insulting and kinda of fetishy an uh its just gross...

Also I have a thing againt her desing, its just-

Idk how to explain it, it just tickles me the wrong way. I guess it has to do with the fact that her clothes look far more chinese than japonese and the fact that she has those sticks coming out of her hair and it looks like chopsticks(thats not a thing people please stop drawing japones people with that, like draw her with an kushi or a kogai or like something..)

Idk man it just makes me so sad and grossed out…

So uh, thank you for the refreshing takes on Damara?

Hey, I’m glad you like my thoughts on Damara! It means a lot, really! She, like all of the Alpha Trolls, has fantastic potential, though it was mostly squandered by them being written by… Well, Hussie. Genuinely, I think if she wasn’t written with such heavy-handed Fetishism and Misogyny, she would have honestly been one of the best characters in that specific cast! Alas, we can’t all have nice things, I suppose…

Her design always struck me the wrong way, too. You can tell she was designed without any due respect or sensitivity in mind- Hussie wasn’t designing her with “Japanese Woman” in mind, he was designing her with “Generic Eastern Asian Woman” in mind. She’s a stereotype in aesthetic, basically, and it’s written plainly and shamelessly across the entirety of her character design.

[DISCLAIMER: Take my discussion of this with a few grains of salt- I am a Westerner, and while I know a thing or two about some Chinese and Japanese history, I am not speaking from personal experience, nor am I an expert. I am guaranteed to get something wrong- these are just the thoughts I have on the matter from my own limited perspective. Feel free to correct anything I get wrong. Thank you.]

Hussie seemed to have been going for a “Pseudo-Traditional Oriental” Aesthetic for her, but it kind of just sucks, lol. Like, Racist execution aside, it’s incredibly plain, and nothing about it truly makes sense! Her shirt almost reads as Hussie halfheartedly making an attempt at drawing a Qipao, which could have been a very interesting display of her being a Time Player, considering those are essentially Flapper Dresses that are constantly evolving over time but… That doesn’t seem intentional. I am not about to give Hussie undue credit. Considering everything else about Damara, they probably just drew the most “Generic Eastern Asian” outfit they could think of and called it a day. It doesn’t even fold over the body- the neckline and the stripe going down the body aren’t folds, they kind of just look… Printed on. Even with all this aside, the Qipao is something that belongs more to Chinese culture than it does Japanese culture.

The hair hurts me in its level of stereotypicality, but it seems like a natural progression of whatever was going on with Aradia’s hair. I just wish the bastard didn’t complete the look with the Totally-Not-Chopsticks. Literally any other style of Kanzashi would have worked. Hell, it could’ve even been one hairpin that just splits off into prongs at the top to resemble the symbol for Aries, but… Nah, gotta have that chopsticks look! Painful, painful thing.

[queridopascal]

Happy 500! Ive had this idea for a while, but it might be too long and complicated. If it is too much feel free to disregard, no hard feelings! I just had this idea where Frankie has been really happy lately and kind of hiding things and sneaking around. So of course the guys think he started using again so they start following him and stuff to kind of catch him in the act, but hes just has a baker girlfriend they don't know about yet and hes been hiding sweet treats she makes him so he doesn't have to share with the guys. If you do write it thanks in advance ❤❤

Hi anon! I looooove this, thank you for sending it in 💞

Frankie’s secret (Frankie Morales x F!Reader)

Warnings: reference to addiction and use of drugs, curse words, fluff

annie's 500 followers celebration ✨ (NOW CLOSED)

"Something's up with him." Pope sighs as he puts down his beer.

Frankie had just entered the bar with a huge smile on his face and was now headed towards the counter.

"He's been acting weird lately..." Benny huffs and shakes his head, Pope and Will nod silently.

"You guys think...?" the youngest Miller asks as he glances at Frankie, and then looks at the others.

"I hope not. I really do." Pope lowers his head and stares at the table's wood grains, lost in thought: Frankie is like a brother to him, and to think that he could have relapsed and fallen down that wagon again makes his blood freeze.

"Hi guys," Frankie joins them and takes a seat at the table "what's with the long faces?"

No answer.

"Fish," Pope takes a deep breath and turns to him "I want you to look at me and tell me what's going on."

Frankie's eyes widen and he lets out a nervous laugh, his gaze darts between Will and Benny before settling back on Pope's face.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on." he says, indignant, crossing his arms and letting his body language speak.

"Fish," Pope glares at him, his nostrils flaring "just... tell me you're not doing that shit again."

"Christ," he unfolds his arms and opens them "why would I? I'm clean and I'm done with that shit! What's wrong with you, uh?" he starts to gets up from the table and looks at the two brothers for back up, but they stare back at him in complete silence.

"Fish, please." Pope tries to reason with him, but he won’t listen.

"We’re worried, Fish." Benny rests both elbows on the table and looks at him "You’ve been acting strangely, avoiding us at times, you’re not answering your calls, you’re always sneaking around suspiciously and... we’re concerned."

"There’s nothing to be worried about," Frankie puts his right hand above his heart "I swear."

***

It’s Saturday morning when Benny stops at a water fountain to freshen up a bit after his routine morning run. As he catches his breath, a familiar figure walking on the other side of the road captures his attention: Frankie is holding two large paper bags that look like they're filled with food, a joyful expression painted on his face.

Benny doesn’t remember ever seeing him that happy, and he chuckles at that scene before squinting his eyes and noticing that the logo printed on the bags is the one of a famous bakery located at the end of the street.

Driven by curiosity, Benny jogs towards the bakery, a perfect excuse to investigate while buying something for breakfast.

As soon as he enters the small shop, the delicious smell of freshly baked bread and pastries makes his mouth water, and a gorgeous girl greets him from behind the counter.

“How can I help you, sir?” you asks him in a lovely voice as you adjust your apron.

“I’d like to get one of those croissants, please.” Benny points at the pastry behind you and you nod, turning your back to him and putting the croissant into a paper bag before handing it to him.

“Anything else?”

“Well,” Benny gets closer to the counter “Francisco Morales, do you know him?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you nod “he’s my boyfirend. Why?”

“Your what?! ” Benny’s eyebrows rise with surprise at your words.

“My boyfriend, we've been dating for a little over a month now.”

“Oh, that explains a lot of things.” he shakes his head with a smile.

“Wait, are you one of his Delta Force...?”

“Yeah, I’m Benny.” he says, extending his hand to you, and you introduce yourself.

“He’s talked a lot about you, Pope and Will. I'm finally able to put a face to name.” you glance at him as you serve another customer.

“Well," Benny sucks his teeth “no offence, but he’s never mentioned you, I didn’t have any idea he had a girlfriend... ”

“I know. Frankie’s been through a lot, I think he really wants to be sure before sharing something with the people around him." you sigh and Benny nods.

"Well, it was nice to meet you. I'll see you at the party then." he waves at you and leaves the bakery as he takes a bite of his croissant.

***

It's evening when Benny, Pope and Will practically invite themselves at Frankie's house to watch some football.

"You got anything to eat?" Pope asks him as he gets up from the couch and stretches his back.

"Yeah, help yourself. Mi casa es tu casa." Frankie exhales as he watches the game, attentive eyes glued to the screen.

Pope walks into the kitchen and opens the first two cabinets, finding them filled with biscuits and pastries of all sorts. He huffs and opens another cabinet in search of something savory, but its content is the same as the other ones: pastries.

"Fish, what the fuck is this?" he shouts from the kitchen.

Frankie and the other guys rush to him, and Benny's mouth falls open at the amount of baked products stored in the kitchen cabinets, and he smiles to himself.

"That's a lot of pastries." Will steps forward and grabs a plastic container filled with small squares of millefeuille.

"I can explain." Frankie puts his hands up apologetically and takes a deep breath.

Pope and Will look at him, their expressions a mix of curiosity and anxiety, while Benny tries to keep his composure.

"I have a girlfriend and..." Frankie sighs "she's a baker."

"Wow, okay, so this is..." Pope looks around, pointing at all the food.

"Yeah, this is all her work."

"And I guess that's the reason why you've been acting weird lately, uh?" Benny steps closer to him and he nods.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Pope punches his arm playfully "When are we meeting her?"

"Next week, at my birthday party."

***

"You think they like me?" you ask as you help Frankie clean everything up after the party.

"They love you, babe." he walks over to you and places his hands on your hips "Especially Benny I would say. Please, don't run away with him." he adds, pouting a little.

"You don't have to worry, he's not my type." you shake your head and wrap your arms around his neck, caressing his nape with your thumbs.

"Yeah?" he cocks an eyebrow at you.

"Yeah," you nod firmly "he's not you, he's not my Frankie."

Frankie beams at you and rests his forehead against yours, gazing into your eyes for a moment as you get lost in the warmth of his brown ones.

"I... maybe it's too soon for you, but," he sighs, closing his eyes "I think I love you."

"Frankie..."

"I'm sure." he nods, putting his hands on your shoulders "But you don't have to say it back if you're not ready, it's alr-"

"Will you shut up!" you exclaim, putting your index finger on his mouth to silence him.

Frankie gulps and keeps quiet, staring back at you with those adorable puppy eyes.

"I love you, too."

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @withakindheartx @myguiltypleasures21 @computeringturtle @lilpopizzle @sara-alonso @radiowallet @evelynseventyr @thatgirlselectryc  @shadowolf993 @janebby @kirsteng42 @cheekygeek05 @jenacide02 @t3rradactyl @anditsmywholeheart @andiesturgss @tothejedi @mswarriorbabe80 @spideysimpossiblegirl @sunfairyy @sleep-tight1 @jediknight122 @carstwirs @donnaa @miulola @jeeperky @the-wishmonger @aana4664 @hnt-escape @agingerindenial @greeneyedblondie44 @phoenixhalliwell @hb8301 @jediknight122 @snow302085 @elegantduckturtle @darnitdraco @omlwhatamidoinghere @heythere-mel @tobealostwanderer @serini-ty

FRANKIE TAGLIST: @hunnambabe @writeforfandoms @linnie0119 @shinymoonstarfish @gingib @pedritoispunk @audreyispunk

[ellohcee]

It Seems Fitting

Summary: (get it cause they meet at the fitting rooms)

Well this is something I’ve had sitting around for a while and it was going to accompany a piece for day 7 of Jaspvid week until the other idea hit me. Since I had this mostly fixed up to post by that time I decided to finish up and post it anyway.

- - - -

David hummed softly as he turned back and forth in the mirror, tugging the dress shirt down a little and trying to see how it rested in the back. He liked it, it looked good with the slacks and vest but he would have to get the seal of approval first. He turned around and opened the door to step out of the dressing room stall, looking down at himself as he did so. “Okay, how does this look?”

“Rockin.”

David froze because that was most definitely not Gwen, looking up to see a man standing there with a pair of black pants slung over his arm, paused midway to find an open room. He looked nonplussed, but David immediately flushed red in mortification regardless. “OH, I’m- I’m sorry I was expecting my friend to be out here I’m so sorry-” he stammered.

“Hey hey, it’s chill,” the man said with a grin, making David’s stomach flutter. “But for real though, it’s good on you.”

“You really think?” David asked, his shoulders hunching a little closer to his ears.

“Yeah dude. I mean, I’ve been told my fashion sense is shit so take my word with a grain of salt, but I think you look baller,” he said matter-of-factly. “Classy.”

“Oh. Thank you,” David replied, pleasantly surprised.

“David I found you another tie that’s less stupid looking- oh, hey, friend of yours?” Gwen asked as she walked up, looking between the two curiously.

David stammered for a moment before the stranger cut in, rescuing him. “Impromptu outfit rater. I was just tellin’ your boy here he looks-” he paused to click his tongue, rocking a fist side to side with his thumb and pinky extended. “Awesome.”

David flushed as Gwen let out a bark of laughter, giving him a look that doubled his embarrassment and told him he’d never live this down. “You giant dork, did you just barge out here and ask a stranger?”

“I wasn’t looking and I thought you would be out here like you said!” David protested in mortification, his ears and cheeks red as can be and suddenly feeling too hot under the bright lights of the fitting rooms.

“I’m sorry but I had to get a different tie, that one with the pine trees is so fucking stupid,” she shot back while the stranger watched on, obviously amused by their bickering.  

“But I like it,” David whined in protest.

“Fine, let’s ask your new outfit rater,” Gwen teased as David started to protest, holding two ties up to the man while ignoring David’s hurried attempt at intervention. “Which one do you think would go best?”

“Gwen, come on, leave him alone I’ve already bothered him enough-”

“I like the pine trees,” their new friend replied calmly, smiling at their incredulous looks.

Gwen groaned, her eyes rolling so far skyward and her shoulders dropping in defeat. “God, seriously, you too?” she demanded, giving him a betrayed look despite knowing this man for all of two minutes.

“Yeah man! I’m not a big tie guy, but when I am absolutely forced to wear one, I do like me a good fun pattern,” he said, winking at David. “The trees are cute, and the green matches your eyes.”

David’s face went redder, his heart giving a big uncomfortable thump because excuse me pardon but what did the wink mean??

Meanwhile Gwen made a frustrated noise. “Fine, keep your stupid dorky pine trees,” she grumbled, tossing the tie at David and earning a surprised noise as he fumbled to catch it. He blinked down at the tie before looking up to watch Gwen as she left to put the other one back.

David swallowed, looking back over to his impromptu outfit rater. “Um, s-sorry,” he said, trying to smile.

“No worries dude, it’s all good. I’m Jasper, by the way,” he dropped casually, shoving his free hand in his jeans pocket and resting his weight to one side.

“Oh! Uh, David!” the redhead replied pleasantly, straightening out the tie in his hands before he could wrinkle it. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Jasper grinned, making David’s stomach flip again because gosh what a nice smile he was such a sucker for a nice smile and he was so not prepared to have a conversation with someone so handsome in the dressing room after embarrassing himself like that-

“So Fancy Pants, you guys gettin’ ready for a thing?” Jasper asked, breaking him out of his spiraling thoughts.

“Oh, yes, Gwen insisted that I get something new otherwise she won’t be seen with me,” David murmured, embarrassed.

Jasper laughed kindly. “Well I’m sure you two will look great together no matter what.”

David was about to reply, when something hit him and he suddenly furiously did not want Jasper to think the wrong thing even though they’d probably never see each other again but he had to let it be known- “Oh, no we’re not d-dating,” he corrected hastily, making the other man’s eyebrow quirk slightly, that calm smile still on his face. “But we are going together to a friend’s wedding this weekend, since we’re both single.”

Jasper suddenly blinked, losing his amused look. “This weekend? Long shot, humor me here, but it’s not Deena and Sai, is it?”

David’s mouth dropped open just a tiny bit. “Yes, it is. You know them?”

“Yeah dude, I’m goin too!” Jasper said with a grin, holding his arms out a little. “Sai is one of my buds from high school.”

“Gwen and I have worked with Deena for the last two years,” David said in surprise.

“Small world,” Jasper replied, looking amused and a little… delighted? It was an unexpected break from his so-far casual demeanor that threw David a little bit for a loop. “Well then, I’ll let you get back to it. Hope I see you there, Davey,” he said with another wink, making David’s heart to that stupid flip-flop thing again.

Who gave this perfect stranger authority to send him so completely off kilter?

“Y-yes, see you then,” he said, trying to sound like he hadn’t just been run over.

Jasper’s grin stretched a little wider before he headed down the row of dressing rooms, disappearing into one of the doors.

David let out a shaky breath, trying to compose himself just as Gwen appeared at his side again and made him jump. “Are you still standing here? You been talking to your new boyfriend that long? I don’t blame you, he’s hot.”

“Shhhh!” David shushed her frantically, waving a hand in the direction Jasper had gone as his heart raced double overtime now between the interaction and Gwen’s sudden reappearance. “He’s just down that way,” he whispered, still red, still flustered.

“So what? God, what a dork. Are you gonna get that or what?”

“I’m- I was- you-”

“Come on David I don’t want to be here all day, I want to get lunch,” Gwen insisted, crossing her arms impatiently.

David sighed in frustration, retreating back into the changing room to get back into his normal clothes and most definitely not pouting. “You didn’t even tell me if it looks good,” he mumbled petulantly, just loud enough for her to catch.

“You didn’t need my opinion, you seemed to hold his high enough,” Gwen teased calmly from outside the door, making David go red again. Was he that obvious??

“Gwen, please keep your voice down,” he whined, imagining Jasper several doors down probably hearing at least Gwen’s half of the conversation and maybe his whispering and probably deciding that David was in fact a giant mess and now debating whether or not he actually hoped to see them at the wedding-

“Why? What’s the big deal?”

“Because,” David said pertinently as he gathered up the clothes and opened the door, stepping out. “He is going to the same wedding this weekend,” he hissed, his lips pursing in what liked to think was a stern glare but in all actuality looking like a peeved child.

“What! No way!” Gwen exclaimed as the redhead quickly shuffled her out of the fitting rooms.

“Yes, and I’d rather not be a complete mess if we see him and he overheard,” David grumbled softly.

“Why not? He seemed kinda sweet on you and you were a total mess already, like, near disaster levels and he was still cool,” she mused. “You can talk to him again, maybe get his number!”

“I- nonono, I don’t think he- he wasn’t-” David stammered.

“He totally was,” Gwen shot back. “He low-key complimented your eyes and winked at you, he is not straight.”

David took a shaky breath as something hit him. “Twice,” he said softly in realization.

“What?”

“He… winked at me again after you left,” he said, embarrassed. “When he said that he… hoped he’d see us there. And he called me Davey.”

Gwen looked incredulous and maybe on the verge of hitting him or strangling him or both if the mood struck her right. “And you still think he’s not interested?? He thinks you’re cute you idiot!! If you don’t find him at that damn wedding and get his number I will end you! Did you at least get his name?” she asked, her tone clearly pleading work with me here.

“Jasper,” David said, hunching his shoulders a little.

“Well at least you got a foot in the door,” Gwen scoffed, her murder plans paused as she gave him a not-so-gentle but still friendly nudge where he’d slowed a little. “Pay for your shit and let’s go eat, then you can sigh and daydream about his smile and whatever all you want.”

“Gwen,” David whined miserably.

- - - -

Nerves ate him up all week as David found himself simultaneously dreading and anticipating seeing Jasper at the wedding. He had a hard time imagining someone so handsome and easygoing would so easily take a shine to his awkward self when he’d been such a disaster, but Gwen was adamant. That didn’t stop him from dreading making a fool of himself again as he stood there sipping from his water at the reception on Saturday. But also meticulously scanning the crowd looking for Jasper...

So what if he’d mentioned David’s eyes. And complimented his outfit. And looked kind of excited to find out they were going to the same wedding. That didn’t mean anything. Gwen insisted he’d been flirting but no one ever flirted with David how was he supposed to know. There was no way Jasper had been flirting with him. Right?

“You got the threads!”

David whirled around in surprise, his heart racing upon seeing Jasper approaching, looking unlawfully handsome in black slacks and a purple dress shirt. He’d rolled up the sleeves and there was the ends of a black tie with little rainbow polka dots hanging from his pants pocket and now it was going to be ten times harder talking to him. He was toeing the line between causal and formal and it just looked so good on him that it wasn’t fair. “J-Jasper,” he greeted, smiling and trying to control the butterflies in his stomach.

“Hey Davey, you look great, just like I said,” Jasper grinned. “Even better without price tags hanging off ya,” he added playfully.

David just barely stifled his surprised laugh. “Thanks, you- you do too. Purple really suits you,” he said shyly.

Jasper didn’t seem the type for formal clothing, judging by the jeans and well-worn t-shirt he’d been in the other day, but he sure pulled this off nicely. It didn’t even seem out of place that he still wore the few colorful woven bracelets David had spotted in the dressing room. It fit him.

“Thanks dude, I can clean up alright sometimes,” Jasper teased, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Where’s your friend? Gwen, right?”

“Yes, she’s talking with Deena and some of the other ladies.”

“She abandoned you? Weak,” Jasper tsked softly. “I’ll hang with you, if that’s cool?”

“O-of course,” David replied, receiving a grin in response that suddenly rendered him a little bit weak.

They talked for a little while about standard casual things, work, hobbies, interests, the stupid stuff Jasper had done with Sai in high school, and David found himself slowly relaxing as time went on. It was getting easier to talk to Jasper, he was so casual and laid back it was like a vortex of calm that was drawing him in, telling him to stop being such an anxious mess. He would love for that to happen, it would be a lot easier of finding someway to see Jasper again in the future if he weren’t a total anxious mess.

But no matter how nervous he was, he couldn’t help but laugh at the cheesy quips and jokes Jasper made, and the other man seemed a tiny bit delighted at every little laugh and giggle he got in response.

Without realizing it, they’d gotten lost in their own little corner of the reception talking for nearly an hour. When the band started playing again after a break and people headed for the dance floor, Jasper’s eyes fixed in that direction. They’d both gone silent when the music started, Jasper’s keen gaze remaining on the crowd for a few moments before suddenly clicking his tongue as if a decision had been made. “Soooo,” he drawled slowly, casual, glancing over at David. “Yoooouu... wanna dance?” he asked hopefully.

David met his eyes in surprise, a blush burning his cheeks as his mind fought to catch up. “I- y-yes, I’d… love to,” he said softly.

Jasper’s face lit up. “Sweet,” he said happily, holding a hand out.

David took in a quiet, shaky breath before placing his hand in Jasper’s and letting the other man lead him over to the dance floor.

“I’m not like… a super great dancer? So do you wanna lead or should I?” Jasper asked, surprising David because he hadn’t even thought about who would lead.

“Oh, um, either way is fine?”

“Well you’re taller, so I think you should,” Jasper said matter-of-factly, turning to David as they found a spot and bringing the redhead’s hand to his waist without missing a beat. He arranged their hands together on the opposite side before resting his free one on David’s shoulder, giving him a disarming grin.

David flushed at the feel of Jasper’s waist under his palm, swallowing. “Well I don’t think that- has anything to do with it- but- okay,” he stammered, moving to start the dance and placing his feet carefully.

“It’s a way to decide and get us dancing sometime today,” Jasper shot back playfully.

“Fair enough,” David laughed softly, watching their feet for a few moments as they continued to move, slowly getting used to the contact. “You’re not that bad!”

“Gimme time, I’ll fuck it up, don’t worry. And that’s not a threat just a promise,” Jasper replied casually, making David laugh again. “That’ll be the true test, how many times can I step on your feet before you get sick of me,” he teased.

“Well, I have to say your charm far makes up for whatever you may lack in dancing,” David replied.

“You think I’m charming?” Jasper asked, his eyes alight.

“It’s hard not to,” David said, smiling at the adorable and sincere delight on his dance partner’s face.

“I’ve been told goofball, dork, manchild, square, way back when anyone but me still said that, but never has my me-ness been described as charming. It’s pretty cool,” Jasper decided. “You’re pretty cool,” he added, grinning.

“Oh, I am not,” David chastised softly.

“Nah dude, seriously, otherwise I wouldn’t be taggin’ after you like a lost puppy,” he laughed, going a little pink actually. “I’m stoked and amazed I haven’t driven you nuts yet.”

“I don’t mind at all,” David replied, smiling at Jasper’s surprised look. “I um, I really like talking with you,” he added.

“Most excellent,” Jasper said, his grin coming back full force and his cheeks going a little darker. It made David feel better to finally not be the only one who was flustered, even if it was only a little on Jasper’s part.

They continued to talk and dance into the next song, and while they kept a respectful inch between them, it was never tense or uncomfortable. Despite Jasper’s earlier insistence that he wasn’t a good dancer, they flowed well together. No one’s feet ever got stepped on and things got even better when the band switched to something a little more upbeat.

People around them started dancing to match the new mood, and Jasper so smoothly pulled David into a new style of dance he took a few moments to adjust. It was… he didn’t know what it was. He thought maybe Jasper was making it up on the spot but then again it kind of seemed like that’s what most people were doing.

“C’mon Davey, loosen up, this is the part where we just wing it and no one gives a shit if we look like dorks,” Jasper teased, lifting David’s hand up and spinning under it so easily and casually that it pulled a delighted laugh from the redhead before he could stifle it.

“There ya go!” Jasper egged happily, the grin nearly splitting his face, his eyes bright and shining under the lights strung above the dance floor.

David’s face was flushed with delight, his own smile rivaling Jasper’s as they fell into a comfortable rhythm together.

They danced, happily oblivious and lost only in each other for some time. Without even realizing when it had happened, David had grown much more comfortable with Jasper. He was still a bit of a mess and the butterflies would not let up the whole time, but it became much easier to talk and joke with the other man.

He wondered where Gwen went, catching glimpses of her through the crowd sometimes but otherwise it was just them. Eventually they decided to break for some water, leaving the dance floor and heading over to the refreshment table to catch their breath. David felt like he was in a dream the whole time, as Jasper seemed perfectly content to stay with him as they leaned against a low stone wall near the venue’s fountain, talking quietly.

He wasn’t sure when it had gotten dark, but a bit of a chill was definitely setting into the evening air, and it made him very aware of Jasper’s close proximity next to him. He could feel the man’s body heat where their arms were nearly touching, creeping in through the fabric of his dress shirt and making David feel warm, hazy.

During a few moments of comfortable silence, David felt his phone buzz in his pocket and took it out to see a text from Gwen.

Want to wrap up your shit? Go in like 30 min? Tired.

When had it gotten so late? Had it been so easy to just get lost for hours with Jasper?

Sure, he texted back, setting his water down so he could use both hands while Jasper glanced curiously at him. I’ll meet you in front at 10:30?

Better, she responded, and he could hear her grumpy, mostly seriously threat even through text.

He smiled, looking up at Jasper. “That was Gwen, she’s almost ready to go and I’m designated driver. So I’ll be leaving at 10:30,” he explained, half because he felt rude for texting next to Jasper, even though there had been a lull in the conversation, and half in apology to cut short their evening.

“That’s cool,” Jasper replied evenly, not quite hiding a touch of disappointment in his voice. He was graceful about it though. “I’m a night owl but I’m feeling ready to bail too. I’ll hang with you until then?” he asked hopefully.

As if David could possibly turn down even a few more minutes with him. “Of course,” he replied, smiling.

He’d completely forgotten about asking for a phone number and now would’ve been the perfect time, but he just found himself soaking up that last little bit of time together. They talked quietly, worn out from dancing and just the overall noise and energy of the reception. Talking about nothing in particular just to talk, and as much as David loved Jasper’s constant jokes and his fun energy, the low, soft tones of his voice now in the calmer atmosphere was soothing, warm.

A few minutes before he was supposed to meet Gwen, they stood up and started heading for the front, passing through the dwindling reception and into the building where the ceremony had taken place, and finally outside again facing the parking lot. They stopped a short distance away from the doors to be out of the way of people leaving, but still visible to Gwen whenever she arrived.

“Soooo,” Jasper drawled playfully, much like he’d done earlier, scuffing his shoe on the pavement with hands shoved in his pockets, the tie still hanging off to one side.

Even though he’d glanced down when they were dancing, David only just now realized that Jasper was wearing all black sneakers, not dress shoes, and it just… fit him. He made it seem like a perfectly normal thing and not at all out of place for the formal event, and David found it very endearing now that he’d noticed. Dress shirt and pants, sneakers and worn out bracelets, and those piercings… It was all so charming. So Jasper. He came out of his little reverie when the other man continued.

“If you think I’m cool enough, you wanna like… hang out sometime?” Jasper asked, looking up with a hopeful grin.

David smiled back, his heart racing excitedly although a little toned down both from being tired and less nervous around the other man. “Yes, that sounds wonderful.”

“Awesome,” Jasper replied, digging his phone out. “Let me just get set up… okay, number?” he asked, typing the digits as David spoke and saving it into his contacts. He kept typing, clicking his tongue as the glow of his phone lit his face in soft blue. “Wig, here’s me,” he added, just before David’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “So you have mine. Well! Where’s your friend at?”

“I’m… not sure,” David frowned, looking around. He’d seen her from a distance but hadn’t talked to her in some time, and he wasn’t sure if that was intentional on Gwen’s part or not. “She’s only a couple minutes late...” he mused, checking his watch with only a little furrow to his brow.

“I’ll wait with you? Or I can help you look for her if you’re worried,” Jasper offered, sounding a little concerned himself.

“Oh- there she is- Gwen!” David called, waving and catching her attention.

“There you are you bitch,” Gwen greeted as she walked up. “Are you two still just flirting or did you get digits yet?” she demanded, poking David in the chest. She wasn’t slurring but she was definitely drunk, he decided.

“I- we- Gwen-”

“Listen,” she said, turning to Jasper and giving him a deadpan look. “He really likes you, but he’s a fuckin’ mess and I saw you two dancing like forever, so please put me outta my misery and say you two are gonna date or somethin, yeah?”

Jasper stood silently through her tirade, gaze flickering to David, who had a hand over his eyes in mortification. He looked back to Gwen, taking everything in surprisingly easy stride. “Well, hopefully,” he said with a grin, seeing David’s hand drop as the ginger stared at him, wide eyed and blushing. “We did phone numbers and I was planning on asking him out, sooo...” he trailed off, eyes flickering briefly to David with a warm smile.

“Well good!” Gwen insisted, poking Jasper now to emphasize her point. “Cause he’s a weenie and you gotta ask him, otherwise he’ll just be a sad little shit and tell me you don’t like him and whine about how hot you are and how nice your stupid smile is I’ve heard all about it-”

“Okay, Gwen, sweetheart, I think that’s enough please, thank you so much,” David interrupted softly, a little frantic, setting his hands on her shoulders. “How much did you have to drink?” he asked with a frown.

“Daviiid, it’s a fuckin’ wedding, you’re supposed to get plastered,” she complained.

“All the same, I think it’s time we get you home, alright?” he asked, steadying her as she wobbled a little in her heels, the first physical sign that she was feeling the alcohol. Definitely a good time to take her home, both to rest and before she made an unfortunate step in those heels.

“Whatever mom,” she shot back.

“Want a hand?” Jasper asked sympathetically.

“Please,” David replied softly, ducking under one of Gwen’s arms just as she waved her hand dismissively before their new friend could help.

“I can walk David for fuck sake, just gimme a second to get out of these heels from hell-” she grumbled, bending one leg at the knee and hanging onto David as she slipped the shoe off, before repeating with the other and pushing away from him. “Jesus christ, mother hen,” she huffed, holding the shoes by the straps and walking towards the car as the men trailed after her like ducklings.

David trotted ahead a little to unlock and open the passenger door, dutifully allowing Gwen to clamp onto his shoulder as she got into the car, making sure her dress and hands were safely inside before shutting the door. He sighed, straightening up and turning back to Jasper. “Well, thank you, for… everything today,” he said shyly.

“Course, thanks for hangin’ with me,” Jasper replied, holding his hand out.

David blinked, hesitating only briefly before relenting and placing his hand in Jasper’s once more. The other man brought it up and kissed his knuckles, making David flush. If he wasn’t already smitten, the hopeless romantic in him would’ve taken a nose dive off a cliff over that small, but tender gesture. Hell, he had anyway. It was still sinking in that Jasper liked him, wanted to ask him on a date, and he’d momentarily pushed that out of his head while making sure Gwen got to the car okay-

“I had a great time with you,” Jasper said softly, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze and pulling him out of his spiral. “And I really meant it, that I’d like to take you on a date sometime, if that’s cool?” he asked, giving a hopeful look.

David took a shaky breath, smiling. “I’d like that.”

“Rad,” Jasper said, a wide grin lighting up his face.

The torrent of butterflies in his stomach was so strong, and he was so high on cloud nine and a little bit of panic from everything, that before he could overthink it David found himself leaning in and placing a quick kiss on Jasper’s cheek.

Now it was Jasper’s turn to look gobsmacked, as he flushed bright from the action. “Oh, wow, double rad,” he whispered.

David giggled softly, gesturing over his shoulder to the car. “I’d- I’d better get her home.”

“Yeah, yeah, course, take care of Gwen,” Jasper said, releasing David’s hand finally and ruffling his hair nervously, looking a little shell shocked. “Drive safe, yeah?” he grinned, still pink in the cheeks.

“I will, you do the same,” David replied, his smile growing. “Bye Jasp, talk to you soon?”

“Absolute,” Jasper replied, shoving one hand in his pocket and giving a mock salute with the other. “Bye Davey,” he said happily, walking backwards a few paces before whirling around midstep to practically float off to his own car.

David took a deep, steadying breath and let it out slow, unable to keep the silly look off his face as he watched Jasper disappear among the departing guests, his heart still pounding in joy and disbelief...

“Hey!” Gwen barked from inside the car, startling him both with her shout and the loud slap of her palm hitting the window. “Let’s go pinetree, sometime tonight!”

David took one more breath and turned to walk around to the driver’s side, pointedly ignoring Gwen’s rude gesture.

Despite her tendency to get ornery when drunk, Gwen still offered him a playful congratulations on ‘bagging his man’ once they were on the road and heading home. She teased him the whole way about the way they’d been connected at the hip since finding each other, and it confirmed his suspicions that she’d ditched him to give him time alone with Jasper. Why he’d seen her only in passing all night as she seemed to avoid him.

Which was why he was very sincerely thankful this one time to be abandoned by a friend at a social gathering. This thought found him smiling fondly the whole way walking Gwen to her apartment, keeping an arm around her as she fumbled keys out of her purse and unlocked the door. Despite more protests, she allowed herself to be escorted inside and to her bedroom.

David carefully unraveled her hair of it’s pins and twists, got her a glass of water while she changed, and made sure drank at least half of it before bidding her goodnight and leaving, making certain the lights were off and the door was locked on his way out.

Once he was finally home and able to start getting himself ready for bed, his ears rang in the blessed silence after listening to the sounds of the wedding all day. He’d changed and brushed his teeth by the time his phone buzzed, and David was ridiculously elated to see Jasper was already texting him.

J: Hey, sorry for the late text, just wanted to make sure you got home okay and Gwen is good.

D: We’re both fine, thank you. I got her situated and I’m at home now.

J: Cool, good to hear.

D: Thanks again for today, I had a really great time.

J: Yeah totes, me too! I’m really glad the wedding came up cause I thought you were real cute but there’s no smooth way to ask for someone’s number in a changing room without looking like a creep, ya dig?

David giggled softly, flushing.

D: I don’t think I would have minded but I’m glad it worked out how it did. Besides Gwen getting in your face at the end there.

J: No big, she’s cool, outspoken. I like her. Anyway, it’s really late so I’ll leave you alone. Talk to you later?

D: Sounds good. Thanks again, and goodnight.

J: Night!

David let out a happy sigh as he set his phone down, almost unable to believe how lucky he was. He didn’t know what Jasper saw in him, but he wouldn’t argue. He really hadn’t even expected to have that great of a time at the wedding, let alone meet anyone. He’d expected to stay close to Gwen, talk to Deena and Sai and maybe some other people from work the couple had invited. He certainly hadn’t expected to dance with anyone but Gwen.

Then along comes Jasper, looking happy to see him, chatting with him, asking him to dance. He’d never expected someone so fun and handsome to be interested in his dorky self, but Jasper really seemed to like him. He stared at the ceiling of his bedroom in the dark that night, still smiling like an idiot as that sweet but casual kiss to his hand replayed on loop in David’s head, all the while wondering how soon he might see Jasper again.

[chockfullofsecrets]

Critical Role: Waiting For My Mind To Go To Sleep

(Read on AO3)

Rating: Teen & Up for Caleb having a pretty bad day

Summary: He levers himself up from the little nest he’s made of his arms, his sudden suspicion the only thing keeping him from stumbling over the word. “This does not tickle one bit, by the way.”

“Okay,” Caduceus says. “Did you want it to?”

Caleb can't sleep. Caduceus decides to take matters into his own hands.

Wordcount: 5.3k (SAVE ME)

A/N: so this turned into... something... i think it’s safe to say in general that if you ever feel like Caleb, please take a deep breath and do something nice for yourself <3 

For anyone who's trying to keep track - set after Difficult, with a bit of reference to Staying Warm.

---

Caleb has not possessed a desk in a long time, so it is a shame that he is currently wasting his new one as a place to rest his head while he waits for exhaustion to take him.

He’s counting off the end of twelve minutes, growing increasingly frustrated as the simplicity of the numbers fails to stop his brain from running itself in ragged circles, when slow footsteps sound out from the hallway. “Oh, you’re still up.”

It’s Caduceus. Caleb peels himself off long-dried sheets of spellwork and tries to make himself look a little less like an empty shell of a person. “Ja, I am up, what can I do for you.”

The slight downward tilt to Caduceus’ eyebrows in an otherwise placid expression radiates disappointment. “You said you were going to sleep, earlier.”

Earlier being an hour and forty minutes ago, when Caduceus passed by him with a full teapot on his way to the roof. Strange, given that the kitchen is just next to the staircase and his study is on the opposite side of the house. He sighs and rubs at his face - there is a chance, however slight, that this time pressing at his temples will actually help with the headache even if he deserves the fucking thing for getting them here in the first place. “I am working on ah, a new spell, I am a little distracted.”

It’s not a lie, exactly. Studying is distracting him from sleep, and the cold comfort of possessing a house and certain debt gifted to them by a major political faction of the Kryn dynasty is distracting him from studying, no matter how nice his desk is. The last time his life took such a turn, he was a young man recently arrived in Rexxentrum with his two best friends in the entire world - he can think of many, many good reasons to prise the jaw of this particular gift horse open.

The problem, then, is stopping. Easy enough, when he can turn himself into a bat, but his distracted attempts at study and the resulting failures have removed even that avenue from him today. It is lucky that the Dynasty has yet to ask a new favor from them that would require him to cast.

But then, he has never held much hope for luck - and, oh, Caduceus has moved much nearer at some point.

“I will sleep,” he acquiesces, nodding in the vague direction of a flowing sleeve, and refrains from adding any sort of incriminating time frame. “You should get some rest as well, mein freund.”

Caduceus clears his throat, somewhere miles overhead. “Your arms are going to get sore, if you keep doing that.”

He looks down. Takes a deep breath and lets it out as he pulls his hands away from the scars and lays them flat against the fine wooden grain of the desk. “Thank you.”

That should be the end of it, he thinks, and he can go back to counting miserably, but the smudge of pink in his peripheral vision stays stubbornly present. “Is… is there something else?”

“You know,” Caduceus says with that unruffled serenity of his, “I think I’m going to make some more tea. I’ll bring you a cup, and we’ll sit for a while.”

Caleb winces.

He is fond of Caduceus, very much so, as he is of all his friends. It is just - it is not that he doesn’t know he is terrible, anymore, he has revealed all but the worst of it in Felderwin and their group has decided that his contributions are worth the trouble of associating with him anyway. But Caduceus, who cares so naturally and unselfishly, who operates with a faith in everything around him that Caleb cannot begin to understand - something about his knowing gaze is unsettling, when Caleb cannot tell what he knows or how he is judging him.

The part of him that is tired would welcome a friendly presence to lull him to sleep, instinctively knowing by now that they are safer here than nearly anywhere else in the world. The other part, bitter and exhausted, trusts no one. Least of all himself, when he cannot even think through political machinations.

He’s waited too long to respond - he can feel Caduceus’ gaze now, prickling at the side of his head. “I can bring some of this to the kitchen, if that is where you are going.”

“Oh, I was thinking we could use your bed,” Caduceus says. The visual of Jester waggling her eyebrows suggestively springs to mind, and he bites the inside of his cheek before he can smile. “Why don’t you go lie down, and I’ll be there in a minute with the tea.”

It sounds more like a command, really - Caduceus wanders off, and there’s nothing to do after that but to retreat to his room. He begins the rote process of shucking his boots and socks in deference to the warm night and reaches up for his holsters.

His fingers close around the buckles, and suddenly he is frozen, possibilities of disaster everywhere. It will be safer if they stay on him, even though they are in the middle of a residential neighborhood, he has to keep them close-

He breathes out, slowly, through his nose and strips them off as well. It feels like a punishment, but then, maybe that is how he can stop himself from thinking too much. Not that it has ever worked before, piling discomfort upon discomfort like a stone wall, but if it is what he has to hand at the moment then so be it.

Next, the bed. He takes a step towards the bed, knowing that is where Caduceus will expect to find him - but his mind is still spinning with a dozen different threads, spells and spycraft and a sudden curiosity as to what the Kryn stuff their mattresses with, surely they do not grow hay or cotton here-

He’s still standing there when Caduceus ducks through the doorframe, large fingers wrapped with delicate care around the handles of two mugs, and shuffles one of them forcefully into his hands. “There we go. It’s not too hot, is it?”

He gulps the first sip down inelegantly. It’s the perfect temperature to warm his throat without burning his tongue, as Caduceus’ tea always is, but it feels - wrong, somehow - “Is there something in this?”

Caduceus blinks down at him. “Oh, did some of the tea leaves get through the strainer? I mean, they’re probably pretty tiny if they can do that, but I can try to pick ‘em out if they’re bugging you.”

“Ah - I mean - it tastes-” He pauses, proceeds more delicately. “There is not anything in this meant to put me to sleep?”

Caduceus looks surprised, for a moment, before patient amusement washes over his face - Caleb glances down, awkwardly, and hopes that the gentle steaming of the cup in his hands hides the way his face flushes. “It’s not drugged, if that’s what you’re asking. But with how tired you look, I’m not surprised that’s what it feels like.”

“Oh,” he says. Maybe if he downs the entire thing in one shot, it will do him the mercy of knocking him out here and now anyway.

Suddenly Caduceus’ hands are on his, gently pulling the empty cup away from his fingers and setting it down next to his holsters. “Mind if I sit?”

“No,” Caleb says, and then “Uh-” as Caduceus takes him by the elbow and starts leading him in the direction of the bed. “Wait, what are we doing?”

“C’mere,” Caduceus tells him, easing himself down at the edge of the mattress and folding his legs up beneath him.

He stares stupidly. “Where?”

“On the bed, ideally.” Caduceus says, and tugs him a little closer. “Didn’t seem like you were gonna make it there yourself.”

He should walk around to the other side and lay down there, he knows, but months of travel with these people have ruined him - he sits automatically next to Caduceus and leans into his side as he might if they were stopping for an hour of rest before realizing what he’s done.

He jerks away. “Ah - you meant to lay down, of course, I will just-”

“Nope,” Caduceus says, and promptly snakes his arm around Caleb and pulls him over into his lap.

His back hits Caduceus’ knee with a solid thump - he flounders for a moment, trying to figure out where all his limbs are among the tangle of long firbolg legs, and then he realizes that Caduceus is watching him.

Their eyes meet. Caduceus smiles down at him, seemingly unbothered by the presence of an idiot in his lap. “There, you’re laying down,” he says. “Comfy?”

“Hnnnng,” Caleb whimpers. He rolls over as best he can and buries his face in his arms, unwilling to bear the eye contact - how many more things can he do wrong today?

Caduceus hums thoughtfully.

The next thing he feels is softness as gentle fingers undo his ponytail, combing through the strands, and arrange his hair to lay loosely around him - they smooth the last of it down and start massaging the back of his head, rubbing gently behind his ears.

It is so completely unexpected that it undoes him; he spares a single moment of thankfulness that he’s washed his hair recently and succumbs to the simple bliss. “Oh, Scheisse, that feels good.”

Caduceus’ belly, pressed warm against his side, shakes in quiet amusement. “Thought it might,” he says. “You’re not easy to calm down, are you.”

“No,” Caleb says, honestly regretful. Even as the rush of tingles from having his scalp scratched washes down his back, he still cannot make himself stop thinking - about whether he has manipulated Caduceus into doing this by being too lazy to take himself to bed earlier, about what he can do to return the favor-

“I know you think that I am neglecting myself,” he says finally, groaning a little as Caduceus drags a thumb firmly down the back of his neck. “I know I need to rest so that I can cast, I just - ah - it is tricky-”

Caduceus pauses, rubbing at the edge of his shoulder blade for a moment. “Of course you can take care of yourself.” He punctuates the statement by untwisting Caleb’s spine with a loud crack that leaves him gasping in sudden relief as a good amount of the tension in his back disappears. “Doesn’t hurt to have a little help, though.”

He scratches lightly at the backs of Caleb’s ribs. It’s pleasantly sharp, little pinpricks of sensation rushing up and down, and Caleb squirms happily for a moment into his hands before he realizes.

He levers himself up from the little nest he’s made of his arms, his sudden suspicion the only thing keeping him from stumbling over the word. “This does not tickle one bit, by the way.”

“Okay,” Caduceus says. “Did you want it to?”

Squirming a little more, he bites back the traitorous yes, please that forms on the back of his tongue. “No.”

“Then be good and stay still,” Caduceus says, and keeps scratching.

Caleb huffs and sticks his nose back into the crook of his elbow. “You are very bossy sometimes, you know that?”

He tenses as soon as he says it - there is a reason he keeps these things to himself unless he is talking about Beauregard, who seems to prefer his annoyance to most other things that leave his mouth.

Caduceus just chuckles. “You don’t have any siblings, do you.”

“No,” he says - and then, if only because they have been on his mind of late as he thinks about politics and consequences - “old friends, though, growing up.”

“Shame,” Caduceus hums, hands sliding down to scuff at his sides. “Then I guess you’ve never been in a tickle fight.”

There is the familiar, guilty, sting, thinking of the past - but one more thread of thought could hardly make the tangle any worse, could it? Of course Astrid and Wulf had known he was ticklish, they knew everything about one another. In the beginning, when there was still time for such things, he remembers them abusing the knowledge at times when Ikithon’s clear favoritism rankled a little too much, or, more rarely, to play - it had been much easier, then, to make him smile.

And then Molly, with his infernal grin and equally devilish fingers prodding for every sensitive spot he could find, the teasing - and that night by the fire, just before Hupperdook, his arm blazingly warm around Caleb’s shoulders in the winter chill as he jostled him around and assured him that it was perfectly normal to want such affections.

They are kind memories, even with the bitter regret of his own blame in their ending, and -

Verdammt, his ribs are starting to get sensitive.

He tries to breathe through it, but his lungs are fidgeting as badly as the rest of him would like to, startled and giddy; instead, he presses the edges of his fingernails into his palms and tries to see reason in the dark cradle of his forearms.

This will not help him sleep. He is wasting Caduceus’ time, if he lets this continue. It does not matter what he wants, when he has no right to ask for any of it.

“Caduceus,” he starts. The syllables shiver on his lips, too close to laughter for comfort. He tries again. “Caduceus, I - I am feeling much calmer now-” His heartbeat pounds loudly in his ears. “-if you would let me up-”

“Hey,” Caduceus says. “You got all tense again, stop doing that.”

“I just-” The path of Caduceus’ ministrations drifts over his sides, sending already-tingling nerves into high alert, and he panics. “Let go of me!”

It is the exact worst thing he could say, made worse in the harsh tone in which he spits it - the hands that have been chasing pleasantly up and down his spine still and lift away, the simple action radiating just as much disappointment as Caduceus’ furrowed eyebrows earlier, and his back arches in a miserable attempt to follow them before he can stop himself.

He bites his lip. He needs to apologize. He needs to crawl away and back to his desk like the worm he is, as heavy as Caduceus’ judgment is weighing down on him. He needs to do something other than lie here-

“Well, you don’t look very calm,” Caduceus says mildly. “You okay?”

“I am fine,” Caleb grits out automatically. He cannot be incapable of even the simplest of thought, he cannot-

“Huh.”

One of Caduceus’ hands makes its reappearance, suddenly, at his neck, two fingers slipping along the stubble under his chin to rest on his racing pulse and catch him in his lie.

The other, even more inconveniently, reappears just by the exposed hollow of his left armpit.

Suddenly, he cannot think of anything at all - he jumps and squeaks and curls away as best he can, fighting back the tremulous ah-ah-ah-! of burgeoning laughter that bubbles up behind his teeth as five fingers flutter merrily against the thin cotton of his sleeve.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Caduceus says placidly. He stops moving his fingers, but they just stay there, just barely touching, as if he is daring Caleb to try and crush them under his arm and see what happens.

Things seem very dangerous in a completely different way than they did seconds ago - if he was at peril of sinking, before, the feather-light presence against tender skin makes him feel like he might float away. He holds as still as he can, waiting.

Still, he shivers all the way down to his toes as Caduceus clears his throat. “You know, I have a sister - had? - uh-”

“May have, if you are uncertain,” Caleb says automatically, decades-old Common grammar lessons rushing to the forefront in lieu of any instinct that might actually be useful, and promptly bites his tongue.

“Sure,” Caduceus concedes, and gives his armpit another good tickle. Caleb squeaks again and tries fruitlessly to wrap his arms more tightly around his head. “She’d swear up and down that she wasn’t ticklish too, when she didn’t want to be. Not that it helped her much if you got a hold of her feet.”

Caleb becomes suddenly, horribly aware of his own exposed soles - he is facedown on the bed, his knees will not even bend the right way to let him hide them against the mattress-

Caduceus must catch the involuntary scrunch of his toes - he laughs, low and pleased, and pats him warmly on the back. “I think your ribs were working out just fine, but if you’re curious-”

“I am not.” Caleb says hastily.

Something swoops, low and excited, in his belly.

It really isn’t fair how tall Caduceus is, especially when it means that he can keep one threatening hand pressed to Caleb’s ribs at the same time he reaches for his feet. Caleb, still bundled facedown in his lap, only realizes what is about to happen when he feels a soft, fuzzy palm close around his heel. “Oh - oh, bitte-”

The first pass is a single fingertip, drawing tiny circles on the calloused ball of his foot. It hardly feels like anything at all, and for one foolish moment Caleb lets himself relax.

Then the fingertip drifts down to the softer arch, wriggling into a crease as his foot curls reflexively, and it tickles like a motherfucker.

“No, no, NO,” he yelps, and scrambles blindly through the next few moments -he jabs something solid with his elbow, cool air rushing on his face as he twists and pulls his knees in, but all that is secondary to the rush of relief as he gets something beneath his feet and jams them against it. He squeezes his eyes shut and pants, clutching his chest as if he can will his lungs into proper behavior.

Something knobbly vibrates against his shoulder.

He freezes. “Um.”

It takes a long moment for him to realize that he is, somehow, still in Caduceus’ lap - his shoulder is pressed to homespun cloth and a bony chest, his feet are crowded up against one of Caduceus’ thighs as the rest of him perches on the other.

His seat shakes a little as Caduceus continues to laugh at him. At this point, Caleb can hardly blame him.

Caduceus lets out a long, happy sigh just above where he’s pressed his face back into his hands in blatant embarrassment. “Oh, we’re going to have to hold you down for that, huh.”

He says it so matter-of-factly, like it is a foregone conclusion that someday Caleb will find himself with his ankles pinned and teasing fingers coming for him, helpless to stop them. It’s far too easy to picture, just now, and despite himself anticipatory giggles start to well up in his chest.

Unacceptable - Caleb presses his lips together, burrows as far into his hands as he can and tries fervently to pretend that he is not still well within range of someone capable of doing all of these things. What is wrong with him? Nothing is happening, no one really wants to tickle him, it is not funny-

Caduceus’ fingers, though, are still moving - one hand is dancing over the tops of his feet now, hardly touching, worrying at his ankles and the sparse hair on his toes. It doesn’t even - it shouldn’t tickle, but he can’t stop thinking that it might, or that Caduceus might reach for his ribs again, and he is too tired to redirect his thoughts anymore, he feels halfway to dreaming already, and - “Hnnmm - heeeh -”

His cheeks are already warm from the desperate effort of not laughing, but they burn even brighter as the giggles start flooding out.

Caduceus can surely hear him, for all that he is hiding his face and never intends to reveal it again, and besides that he is squirming, winching his arms to his sides and scrubbing his feet uselessly against the rough fabric of Caduceus’ trousers to try and get away from his fingers without lifting them. “Heheeeh - ahaha - oh, stop, stop, help, I cahahan’t-”

Curling up in a ball doesn’t seem to help at all - a small part of him knows that he’s more or less tickling himself at this point, but all that means is that there’s nothing to get away from as he twitches and begs, no mercy from his own overtired brain, no one to help him get out-

Just as the panic really starts to choke him, something warm and grounding wraps around his shoulders.

He regains just enough awareness to feel Caduceus’ huge palm cradle the side of his head and pull him into his chest. “Shhhh,” he soothes, so low that it rumbles through the both of them. “I’m here, I’ve got you. Breathe, breathe.”

Caleb comes back to himself slowly, like the tide pulling back from the rocky cliffs of Darktow - the exhaustion is still there, burning behind his eyelids, but the thunderous crash of his heart in his ears slows to a steady echo under Caduceus’ touch. He takes in a tentative breath and nearly buckles from relief as it stays in his lungs.

Caduceus murmurs something to himself, pensive. Caleb hears it more through his chest than his ears. “Better?”

He sucks in a few more breaths before he feels calm enough to answer, slumping further against Caduceus and drawing his hands cautiously away from his face. “I am fairly sure that is not how ti- ah, how that is supposed to work,” he says tiredly. “But at least it is over. Caduceus, I am sorry-”

“Oh, I’m still going to tickle you,” Caduceus says, and Caleb nearly starts choking again.

A thousand startled exclamations catch in his throat. “Why,” is the one he gets out, and oh, he does not even begin to know what to do anymore with the excited little twist in his belly at hearing Caduceus’ words.

Gentle fingers take his chin and tilt it up until he can see Caduceus looking back softly back down at him. “You’re not being very nice to yourself, are you.”

That wrenches a rueful little smirk from him. “And why should I be?”

“Don’t do that,” Caduceus admonishes. He doesn’t - frown, exactly, just looks at Caleb more intensely until he has to fight the urge to wriggle himself loose.

“You were disappointed, earlier, when it didn’t tickle, don’t think I didn’t see it.” He tries to shake his head, but Caduceus holds him still. “I saw how you looked when I said we’d have to hold you down later, too - you want me to tickle you, Caleb, so I’m going to. That’s enough.”

Caleb opens his mouth to tell Caduceus that he doesn’t want it, that he has long since accepted that tickling is a happy and childish thing for those who do not have to try all the time to not be terrible, but he can’t quite get the lie out under his steady gaze. “I shouldn’t,” he says instead. “I should sleep, I am just wasting your time.”

Caduceus huffs, cuddling him impossibly closer and rubbing a thumb over his cheek, and Caleb has to close his eyes - he does not know, sometimes, how these people can be so careful with him, so willing to offer affection, unless he has tricked them somehow. He does not know how to repay it, either. It is hard to tell which piece of his ignorance is worse.

“You’re not. We’re going to talk about that, someday, when I’m not trying to put you to bed,” Caduceus tells his eyelids. “But that night after the dragon, a little tickling put you to sleep just fine - and you were doing all right until you decided you were going to be stubborn.”

Caleb has to smile at that, just a bit - Caduceus sounds openly affectionate, if mildly frustrated, and even though he does not deserve that it is a little funny to think that he might be as much of a troublemaker as Jester or Beauregard simply for refusing to sit still in Caduceus’ lap.

Caduceus pokes lightly at the slight round of his cheek. “There, that’s better.”

He loosens his grip, then, letting go of Caleb for just long enough to loop his arm around his chest. Caleb opens his eyes, curious - Caduceus is smiling at him, slow and mischievous, and his elbows automatically twitch halfway to his sides before he realizes that Caduceus’ arm is in the way and blocking him from getting them all the way down.

That tricky, light feeling takes hold of his chest again. “Ah - Caduceus?”

Caduceus adjusts his grip a little and raises his other hand, wiggling his fingers in a way that might be considered thoughtful if they were not pointed distinctly in Caleb’s direction. “Yeah?”

Despite everything, Caleb finds that he is fairly good at reading people when he needs to be. Which means, in this case, that he can tell - Caduceus is trying to make him more ticklish.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop it from working.

He widens his eyes entreatingly. “I was not being stubborn! I - I just panicked-”

“I told you to be good and stay still, didn’t I?” Caduceus’ arm is more than long enough to wrap all the way around his skinny chest, especially without the holsters - his hand curls carefully under Caleb’s arm, and he has to press his lips together tightly to avoid laughing then and there.

“I couldn’t!” he pleads. “You - you were-” He stumbles over the word itself, half hoping Caduceus will interrupt him again - but he doesn’t, just holding him steady. “I was trying,” he finishes lamely, willing himself not to blush and failing entirely.

Caduceus is grinning at him now, through his beard, smug in that gentle way of his. “And I was trying not to rile you up too much.” he muses, “Suppose we’ll just have to tire you out instead, how’s that sound?”

Caleb gapes. Caduceus is the nicest and gentlest of all of them; surely he is not about to trap Caleb in his lap and tickle him until he cries. And surely he should not want it, the traitorous squirmy feeling in his belly up and fluttering like a live thing.

The long, downy fingers of Caduceus’ free hand pluck his shirt loose from where it’s just barely still tucked in and slip underneath to tease at the fuzz of hair on his tummy, and such logical reassurances suddenly lose much of their weight.

“You - you planned this,” he accuses breathlessly. “You did, I didn’t - hm! - even do anything-”

“I mean, I don’t plan a lot of things. Dinner, mostly.” Caduceus prods at his belly button and he jumps, completely off guard for what comes out of Caduceus’ mouth next.

“You’re just really, really ticklish.”

Caleb whines. Just saying it makes every nerve in his body hum with anticipation, now, and when Caduceus pokes his belly button again he’s sensitive enough that he can’t hope to fight back the peal of laughter. “Don’t.”

Caduceus snickers and just keeps poking at the same spot, sending him into a tumble of frantic laughter as he twists this way and that and fails to escape. “Oh, that helped, huh?”

“No, no, oh nohoho-”

The hand holding him in place tickles gently through his shirt at the softness just above his ribs - usually he is protected by layers of leather and paper there, enough to hold off one of Veth’s crossbow bolts, but all he can do now is whimper.

Caduceus’ free hand sneaks up his other side and repeats the process under his shirt, and he shrieks.

“Heh,” Caduceus chuckles, and eases off for a moment. “You gonna be good if I’m not holding on to you?”

Presumably he wants to get his other hand under Caleb’s shirt and torture him even more, but that’s not the reason Caleb reflexively clings to his arm. “No, no, I need-”

He cuts himself off before he can say that he needs Caduceus to hold him, largely because he does not want to admit it even to himself.

Luckily, he does not need to say more. “Okay, I’ve got you,” Caduceus says easily, and squeezes him a little tighter. “Let me know when you’re done, yeah?”

Before Caleb can ask what that means, Caduceus’s fingers spider under his shirt and start kneading, gentle and merciless, at the top of his ribs.

Caleb breaks instantly. He can’t get his arms far enough down to protect himself, can’t hope to get loose - he tries to bite his lip for a moment to stop himself from laughing, flinging his hands back over his face, but all his breath rushes out in a sudden squeal as the first shock of ticklish sensation hits him in full. “Ahahaaaaa - aaa!”

Caduceus tickles one side of his ribs until he’s sobbing and kicking, completely insensible, and then lazily spiders down over his sides and belly and back up to the other side to tease and tickle as he pleases. He tickles up into his armpits, around the soft curve of his tummy, and rubs his thumbs into the bony outcrop of his hips through the pockets in his pants - he goes back and forth, back and forth, until Caleb loses track of time and numbers and which language he’s begging in and can only measure how much air is left in his lungs before he starts wheezing again.

At some point, he can’t hold himself upright any longer - he sinks down against Caduceus’ bracing arm, but it only stretches the skin over his ribs further. He wails.

It goes on until all he can do is gasp and snicker weakly as Caduceus prods his way back up his side, stopping to trace at each ribin turn. His eyes drift shut, at some point. He doesn’t think he’s ever been tickled so badly in his life.

Still, it seems that there is the possibility for it to tickle even worse - Caduceus’ hand finally, finally slips out from under his shirt, and he just manages to gasp out a sigh of relief before it closes gently around his ankle.

His eyes spring open. “Mein Gott, bitte, bitte, not there,” he hiccups. “I’ll die, I’ll die, please!”

Caduceus hums - held upright, he can just see Caduceus’ wrist pinning down the top of his foot as his index finger traces a light, tickly circle around the thin bone of his ankle. “Tell me what you’re thinking about.”

Caleb grasps for the threads of his thoughts, heedless of confession in the face of being tickled more, but to his surprise there is little left to worry about - even the exhaustion feels far away now, his whole world narrowed to the warmth of being held here.

“Nothing,” he says honestly. He giggles a little as Caduceus’ fingers keep moving. “Ankles, maybe.”

Caduceus laughs aloud at that, letting go of his foot and untangling their arms as he briefly nuzzles his forehead. Caleb’s seen him do it to the others, before, but never to him. He sighs at the warm, fuzzy pressure against his hairline, the light huff of breath that stirs the mess of his hair. It’s nice.

“Alright. Off to bed with you, Mr. Caleb, come on.”

He’s already dreaming, he thinks - Caduceus has to help him over to the pillows, where he flops out and curls contentedly into the blanket tugged over him. Maybe it’s that he can barely move from exhaustion, cheeks still sore from laughter, but the bed has never felt better.

Drifting off, he allows himself to hope foolishly that this might not have to be the last time.

[baepsaesbae]

QuaranTime

Pairing— Kim Seokjin x reader x Min Yoongi  

Genre— SMUT like str8 up pwp

Warnings— Double penetration, threesome, oral (f receiving), nipple  play, a butt slap, masturbation (male), unprotected sex, sensual themes in general

Word Count—  ~2.6k  

Summary— Bored and horny with your roommates during a social distancing period. What could go wrong?    

A/N— Hi everyone! I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy~ Here’s a little something that will hopefully help lift your mood. Please let me know what you think!                                

 Your roommates have always been competitive. That was one of the first things you noticed about them when you moved in. They competed to see who could help you move in the fastest (which was a blessing since you didn’t have to do any heavy lifting). Living with two random guys was an interesting thing to get used to, especially when they were already friends. It’s been a year since you moved in, and since then all three of you had gotten pretty close.

Now, due to the ongoing pandemic, everyone has been ordered to stay inside. It’s been months now, and you could swear you were all going insane. Playing board or card games always resulted in a sore loser (one or both of the boys). Day drinking had become such a common occurrence that even the thought of alcohol made you guys feel queasy, so that was out of the question now.

“Whoever does the next grocery trip can get puzzles?” you offered.

“You think I wanna do puzzles with Jin? That guy has no patience. I give him five minutes before he starts getting bored,” Yoongi scoffed.

“You WISH you lasted five minutes!” Jin childishly argued.

“We all know you’re a one pump chump,” Yoongi rolled his eyes.

You observed them silently from the couch, doing your best not to smile. They’ve been your main source of entertainment during these trying times. Their bickering was comparable to cheesy reality TV shows.

“What are you laughing at over there?” Jin dragged you into the conversation.

“Can you guys make fun of each other’s sex lives later? Let’s get back to curing our current boredom,” you responded.

“We have too much testosterone built up right now. Let us yell at each other for a bit first,” Jin said before turning back to Yoongi, “I think it’s pretty obvious who gets the most action around here!”

“You don’t SEE the girls I bang because I go over to THEIR place like a GENTLEMAN,” Yoongi raised his voice.

“So what? Are you guys gonna jack off in front of each other to prove who can last the longest?” you laughed.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jin’s squeaky laugh filled the room, “Unless…” he shot a sideways glance at Yoongi.

“There’s no way in hell that I’m doing that,” Yoongi immediately dismissed the thought, “But ___...how are you holding up?”

“Me? I’m fine. Online classes are weird but most of my professors are being super lenient so--”

“Not that,” he interrupted you, “You know…like uh...”

“He’s asking if you’re sexually frustrated,” Jin explained bluntly.

“Okay, I know I don’t get nearly as many dick appointments as you two but I make do,” you answered defensively.

“I may have an idea to settle our argument, but we’d need your help,” Yoongi tilted his head in contemplation.

“Are you guys both gonna fuck me?” you asked, now amused at the thought.

“Yes and no. If you’re okay with it, we’d be going at the same time. One in the front and one in the back. Unless you want both of us in the back, that part is up to you. Whoever cums first loses,” Yoongi explained.

“What does the winner get?” you try to mask your interest, it’s been so long since you’ve had any physical intimacy.

“They get to have fun with you all night long while the loser has to sit and watch,” Jin answered gleefully.

Both boys seemed to be completely on board with the idea. All they needed was for you to give them the green light.

“You guys are positive that things won’t be weird afterward?” you asked.

They both gave you their word. You took it with a grain of salt, knowing that neither of them have been laid in weeks. To be honest, you have been extremely horny lately. Living with two handsome guys wasn’t helping you. All rational thoughts were thrown out the window.

“I’d prefer one in the front and one in the back then,” you winked.

“Coin toss to see who’s where?” Yoongi suggested to Jin.

“Tails cuz I want that ass,” Jin answered with a smirk, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Dammit, tails,” Yoongi announced.

“Are we just going straight into this then?” you asked nervously.

“Don’t be silly. We’re gentlemen, foreplay is our middle name,” Jin took you by the hand and led you to Yoongi’s room, “It’s your idea, so we’re gonna use your room,” Jin said before Yoongi could complain.

They sat you on the bed, and that’s when things suddenly got awkward. All three of you stared at each other in silence, waiting for the first person to make a move. You were beginning to doubt your decision, and almost opened your mouth to call it off.

“Can I kiss you, ___?” Yoongi broke the silence.

“Uh, sure,” you agreed, scooting over to make space for him on the bed.

Yoongi shyly sat down beside you, showing you a side of him that you’ve never seen before. He softly brought his hand to your cheek as your eyes met. Your heart was racing, and you were sure Yoongi could hear it as he leaned in closer.

Meeting Yoongi in the middle was a dream come true. Admittedly, you’ve had a minor crush on both of them since you’ve moved in, but who could blame you?

Yoongi’s soft lips brushed up gently against yours. You found yourself melting into his palm as he continued to cup your face. The kiss was gentle and intimate, something you never wanted to end. Until you were abruptly yanked from Yoongi’s grasp.

“Hey what the fu--”

“My turn,” was all that Jin said before his lips crashed against yours.

Unlike Yoongi’s tender kiss, Jin kissed you with such a ferocious passion, it was almost as if you’d been dating and he hadn’t seen you in months. His hands immediately began to wander across your body, starting from your hips and working their way upward. You softly moaned into his mouth when his hands slid under your shirt to fondle your breasts. You yelped with surprise when he began to pinch and pull at your nipples.

“You’re so sensitive,” he chuckled, “This’ll be fun.”

“Stop hogging her,” Yoongi grumbled.

“Make me,” Jin challenged.

Yoongi yanked you away from Jin, and pushed you onto your back. His plush lips connected with your neck, aka your weak spot. You stifled a moan as he began to mix in small nibbles with his kisses.

“Take off your pants,” he ordered you, his dominance reemerging.

You shook off your pajama pants, revealing a plain pair of panties. You suddenly wished that you had gone to change into something sexier, and as such your body involuntarily shied away from Yoongi.

Jin pinned your legs down. He was about to kiss your stomach when Yoongi shooed him away. Jin was displeased but obeyed anyway, curious to see what the younger man would do. Yoongi kissed a trail down your neck, between your breasts, across your stomach, and finally settled at the top of your panties. He planted kisses on your inner thighs, inching closer and closer to your pussy.

“Let’s get this off,” Jin focused your attention back on him as he tugged at your shirt.

“Then you guys have to take yours off too,” you huffed.

“Of course, princess,” Jin kissed your forehead, his sudden affection making you freeze.

He helped you take off your shirt, and in turn took his off afterward. You were about to make a comment on his physique when Yoongi flattened his tongue against your clothed core.

“Don’t ignore me,” Yoongi growled.

“Take off your shirt,” Jin reminded him.

“In due time, I don’t think she wants to wait any longer,” Yoongi said as he pulled aside your panties.

He licked up from your entrance to your clit. His tongue teased your clit in slow circles, causing you to moan. You covered your mouth in embarrassment, but Jin swatted your hand away.

“Don’t ignore me either,” he whispered as his lips once again connected with yours.

Jin played with your nipples as his mouth collided with yours. His kisses were wet and messy, but you didn’t care. You were lost in ecstacy. Yoongi’s mouth was heaven sent; every flick of his tongue had you moaning into Jin’s mouth. You gasped when he stuck a finger inside, curling to hit your g-spot.

“I think she’s ready,” Yoongi cockily stated.

“You ready for us baby?” Jin asked sweetly.

A simple head nod was all you could give them without getting too flustered. You couldn’t believe that you were in this situation. You were roughly flipped over onto your stomach before you could think too much about it.

The boys tugged off their pants and positioned themselves on either side of you. You looked up at Yoongi with anticipation. The moment he looked down and saw you, his cheeks reddened and he had to look away.

“You can take it out...if you want,” Yoongi muttered.

You didn’t hesitate to tug down his underwear, revealing his thick dick. You began to salivate on sight, you’ve never seen such a pretty cock before. You got closer to lick it when a sharp pain stung your ass.

“We have to go at the same time. Bad girl,” Jin admonished.

You felt him run his cock against your wet pussy, teasing you even more.

“Wait, shit. I should go get a condom,” Jin groaned in frustration.

“Just pull out,” you said softly.

“What?” the boys asked in unison with disbelief.

“I’m on the pill so it should be fine. I mean, as long as you’re both clean I’m okay with you guys pulling out,” you clarified.

“You sure?” Jin asked.

You nodded again.

“Alright then. Should I go get a timer?” Jin asked Yoongi.

“It doesn’t fucking matter. Please, I just want her to suck me off already,” Yoongi grew impatient.

“Fine, fine. In 3, 2, 1,” Jin counted down.

The boys entered you in perfect harmony. Jin’s long dick penetrated you deeply, and the curvature of his dick allowed him to graze your g-spot with every stroke. Yoongi let you take the lead as soon as the tip of his dick entered your mouth. He was worried about choking you, so he stood in place. Jin’s powerful thrusts made you gag on Yoongi’s cock anyway. Tears welled in your eyes as Yoongi hit the back of your throat.

There you were, being spitroasted between your roommates. Just the thought alone was enough to get you all riled up. Here you were, living your best life.

You did your best to flatten out your tongue to let Yoongi’s dick slide neatly in and out of your mouth. Unfortunately, Jin’s rough strokes had you moaning uncontrollably. Drool dribbled down your chin and there was nothing you could do about it. You looked up at Yoongi, only to find that his eyes were already set on you.

That did him in.

“Where should I cum? I’m gonna--oh fuck,” Yoongi stuttered as he unleashed his load into your mouth.

Jin was still thrusting, making Yoongi’s explosion even messier. Yoongi collapsed onto the bed beside you, defeated. Jin finally stopped moving and got off the bed.

“You okay?” Yoongi asked you.

You nodded after swallowing some of his cum. Jin came back with a warm washcloth and wiped off your face. He even handed you a glass of water. You were happy to see that his kindhearted nature was incorporated into every aspect of his life.

“No water for me?” Yoongi joked.

“No water for losers,” Jin said sternly, “Besides, the night is just getting started.”

You were flipped onto your back (which was a blessing, you were tired of having to prop yourself up with your arms). Jin smirked above you as his hand made a beeline down to your dripping pussy. He fiddled with your sensitive nub, making you squirm beneath him.

“You’re such a good girl, ___,” he cooed, “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you right.”

He inserted himself back in. Instead of resuming his rough pace from before, he took an agonizingly long time to bottom out. He used the same slow pace to pull out. You figured he was going to do it again, but you were wrong. This time, he opted to roll his hips into you. The sensation was different, and it allowed him to set a rhythm that was optimal for both of you. Judging by the high pitch of your moans, he figured you enjoyed it. He was absolutely right.

Yoongi moved to cup your face once more. He was leaning in to kiss you when Jin forcefully pushed him off the bed.

“Dude, what the he--”

“Losers don’t belong on the bed. They definitely don’t get to touch her for the rest of the night,” he snarled as he brought your knees by your ears.

This position let him hit even deeper, which you didn’t even think was possible. Again, he began to roll his hips. He leaned over to kiss you, forcing you to moan into his mouth.

“Hold your legs for me, princess,” Jin whispered.

You complied. As soon as his hands were free, one of them began to stimulate your clit. He went straight to rubbing you quickly, wasting no time in toying with you. It seemed as if he was desperate to make you cum before he did.

From the corner of your eye, you spotted Yoongi sitting at his desk chair, his eyes fixated on you. His pretty hand was wrapped around his fat cock, pumping it quickly. It looked like he wanted to cum with you too. His sweaty hair stuck to his forehead, and his mouth was agape as he concentrated on you. Yoongi gave you a little smile when you looked over at him. This time, it was his turn to make you come undone. That, and of course Jin going to town on you.

“I’m c-coming,” you announced as your body spasmed.

Jin helped you ride out your orgasm, his hand quickened over your clit. The extra stimulus made you squirt all over him, something you’ve never done in your life. Once he was sure that you’ve come down, Jin quickly went to jack himself off over you.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” he panted before he splattered all over your chest.

Again, Jin went to go get a warm washcloth. In his absence, Yoongi quickly made his way onto the bed to cuddle you. He was the big spoon, and he brought you in close to his chest.

“Did you cum again?” you giggled as you asked.

“I did. Don’t look at my underwear. It was the quickest thing I could grab to clean myself off before Jin came back,” he answered.

“Dude, my cum is still all over her,” Jin said when he got back.

Yoongi just shrugged and kissed your cheek as Jin wiped you off.

“Guess I’m the little spoon then,” Jin said as he wiggled his way into the cuddle session, “Did you enjoy it, ___?” he inquired.

“I did. Maybe a little too much. I’ve never squirted before,” you admitted.

“I can always make you do it again,” Jin laughed.

“I can do it too,” Yoongi chimed in.

“You think you can do that? You can’t even last in her mouth!” Jin mocked.

“You would’ve cum first too if you were in my position!” Yoongi yelled back.

“Looks like you guys have another argument to settle,” you joked, trying to join in the teasing.

“Bet,” Jin said.

“Oh, you’re so on,” Yoongi sneered.

They agreed that the new bet is to be settled at the same time, different place (Jin’s room) tomorrow. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your isolated days like this.

Published September 18th, 2020. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2020 Baepsaesbae.

[yyxy-seph]

I wanna try to make a writing request, of you say no tho I totally respect it m8.

But what if... Sephiroth has a timid gf who's literally attached to her old (and very raggy) baby blanket? (Despite being a grown woman) and like... she likes to cuddle it when upset? Like that thing is her most treasured earthly possession?

How would he react to finding out something that odd?

...again it's fine if you don't want to take the rq but uh, I uh... could relate to a prompt like this lol.

If u do decide to do it, sfw plz and maybe some fluff?

God bless and have a lovely day!

Hello! Thank you so much for requesting. I hope you’re also having a blessed day. Sorry for taking a bit on this but here it is.

- I don’t think he’d judge you for this at all.

- He might not be used to it at first but just give him a little time.

- When he is used to it, he’ll think that you’re super precious for it and hopes that he gives you the same feeling of comfort and protection.

- He’ll even grab it for you along with some snacks when you’re having a rough day.

- We all know that Seph is a sensitive guy so I think he’ll certainly understand and encourage you to do what feels best for you.

- and here’s an imagine I also made for you!

My Muse

Pre-Nibelheim! Sephiroth & Female! Reader

Description: An imagine in which Sephiroth is in a bad mood and he counteractively takes it out on you. You proceed to your prized possession trying to brush it off until he comes to you, feeling bad and you two have a sweet breakthrough.

—————

It was one of those days.

Sephiroth was on edge, with his phone to his ear, and his boots making the floor creak as he paced around.

The mixed sounds and aura of his anxiety were also putting you on edge. He was on the phone with Lazard, rejecting a mission request for whatever reason. He didn’t really like to keep you in the loop of his SOLDIER duties as he said he never wanted you to worry about his job. Although that’s just him reassuring you that he’ll be fine, You somehow still find it...disappointing. Truthfully, you have a right to know since you two are together.

If his life is put in jeopardy, so could yours be put in harms way. But then again, He’s Sephiroth. Maybe you shouldn’t worry. But he makes it so hard with the constant movement, twitching eyebrows, and-

“I’m not going on the mission. And that’s final!” He finally hung up the phone, having decided the conclusion.

He placed his phone on the table; heaving a sigh so hard, his back fell forcefully, revealing his stress and concern for the situation.

“Sephi, are you okay?” You asked in a warm tone.

He turned around swiftly. “What does my face say, Y/N? The only people I care for are turning their backs and dropping like flies before me. And how do you think that makes me feel?”

“I-I...”

“It’s as if people don’t even take the grain of salt I try to extend with my whole...heart-“

He cut himself off, suddenly gazing my way.

I looked him in his eyes in return.

“Will you leave too?”

“I never said that.” I spoke up.

“What do I look like? Huh, Y/N? Do I look heartless? If so, Is that why people assume I care less about the people I surround myself with? The fame doesn’t concern me, my power doesn’t control me. And why do I still get the short end of the stick?

“Seph, I-“

“You know what? Save it. I don’t even wanna talk to you right now.”

What even just happened? You tried to speak but he cut you off twice. This is his defense mechanism. He tries to shut people out when upset.

While even in the heat of the moment, he instantly regretted talking to you like that. Indeed, he does have a heart. Otherwise, you two wouldn’t be together. His heart is the reason you are together in the first place. You can empathize with his misunderstood and heavy heart. You want to figure him out and give him the love he deserves.

In silent retaliation, you stormed upstairs to your room to tend to your low spirits.

A few moments later, his heart began to ache while his face held a bit of sorrow. He felt so bad for lashing out at you. He sighed to himself once more.

“I have to do better. I love her too much to be acting like this.” His feet lead him upstairs to you, face down in your pillow with your precious blanket in your arms. That blanket was your most prized keepsake. The warmth in each fold seemed to shield you like no one else. It comforted you with Its scented memories and lighthearted aura.

No one seemed to understand your attachment and you don’t really care to explain it. What matters the most is that you know its significance and it’s your comfort.

There were a few occasions like this where after an argument or a hard day of work, you’d come right home to your possession. Sephiroth never really noticed this until the third time he’d caught you with it. And this time would count as the fifth.

He treaded lightly once more in your room, trying to get a feel of your mood.

“Y/N...” He started, “I’m- I’m so sorry. I don’t-“

“I thought you didn’t want to speak to me.” Your muffled voice sounded through the cloth.

“And I understand if you don’t want me to speak to you as well... I’ll give you your space. I’m sorry, my love.” His silver locks surpassed his face, nearly sinking to the floor as his head dropped.

Before he could leave, even with your timid heart, you spoke your mind.

“Why do you always do this, Seph? You cut me off and shut me down when I try to help you. And it never fails...” You say, clutching the blanket a bit tighter.

You continue on, “And you wonder why people think you’re heartless. It’s because when they extend their heart to you, you put it aside and make your SOLDIER duties your main focus. I try my hardest to get your attention and affection because I love you. And I know you love me too because I see it; but what will it take for you to settle down and just make time for those you love?”

Those words made a bigger impact than you initially thought. You said all the right things to get through to him and this day forward he really would take your love-driven advice.

Your relationship is not toxic at all. You both are just trying to understand each other as a new couple. Arguments can be healthy. Without them, there’s no breakthrough. And this was definitely what you two needed.

He lifted the covers up on your bed and got in next to you. You turned around to face him.

Your glistening cheeks appeared, showing that you had been crying. He grazed his thumb over your cheeks, wiping them dry.

“You’re so right. And I’m dead wrong. I want to be better for you, Y/N. I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Please try and communicate with me more. Don’t shut me out.” You added.

“I promise, dear.” He replied with a kiss on your forehead.

Right then, His green, cat-like eyes were staring deeply into yours. You blushed naturally, knowing you could never resist those gems.

He chuckled, already figuring you out. Until,

“Oh.. I keep meaning to ask. What’s with the blanket? I’m seeing a pattern here. I’m just curious.”

You swallowed, preparing to be judged. “I-it’s my source of comfort. I’ve had it since I was a child and... I’ve never seemed to detach myself from it.” You explained shyly.

His eyes trailed down to the intricate details on the cotton piece.

Not knowing what was going through his mind you said, “Sorry, I know it’s weird. Just forget I said anyth-“

“No! No. I understand. It’s your muse. I sort of have something similar.”

Your eyes lit up. “Really? What’s that?!”

He glanced to the side, moving his hair from over his chest and around his shoulder.

“You’ll laugh at me.”

This was honestly the most vulnerable you think you’ve ever saw him. And you liked that he was able reveal this quality of himself to you.

“Now, why would you think that? Just tell me, love.”

“My.....masamune.”

“I knew it!”

He smirked.

“Yeah, I can’t really explain it either but It’s my relief as well. I get this stream of confidence and comfort when holding it. Maybe it’s because I’ve been with it since my childhood as well.”

“We relate quite a bit, don’t we?”

“We do.” He agreed, pulling you closer to his body under the covers.

You two kissed, completely enamoring each other in warmth and love.

“Oh, Sephiroth.” You say.

“Hmm?”

“Call Lazard back. You’re doing that mission. You have to face your one-winged angels.”

He grinned once more at your clever words.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

________

[jadethest0ne]

In need of Refueling, Chapter 11 - Help

Summary:  “You?! Why would I trust you? You have brought me nothing but failure. Time and time again; nothing but disappointment!”

His father’s words might have been a result of his possession by the  White Bone Spirit, but whether or not they were his true thoughts, Red  Son vows to prove them wrong. To do so he seeks to attain a power strong enough to destroy his father’s immortal enemy. After all, he’d much rather throw fire at his problems.

Word Count: 2173

Ratings/Warnings:  Teen and up; injury, burns, angst and hurt/comfort, toxic thoughts caused by toxic parents, panic attacks, abuse

Notes: Time for Red Son and Sandy to have a talk

Credits: Big thanks to @painted-arachnid and @simplyfornardo  for helping me bounce ideas off of them. And also thanks to @lemonsqueazie for providing me with “Journey to the West” lore. I don’t know much about the original novel or other iterations, but I still tried to keep  some things compliant with the lore. You should check all of them out, since they’re really great content creators with neat ideas!  

Read on AO3

———-

He must have passed out at some point because Red Son wakes up, finding himself still on the floor, leaning up against the bed. Pillows and blankets have been stuffed around him and a heater has been placed in the small space. The shivers he was experiencing earlier have quieted down to a low rumble beneath his skin, and he feels much more cozy.

There is a tray in front of him as well, with some more tea and a couple of bean buns on it. From the steam coming from the tea, he can tell it is still warm. The steam reminds him of his sudden lack of powers, and he sinks his nose down into the blankets, hitching his shoulders up to his ears in remembered embarrassment and shame. Not only is he injured, but without his powers he is utterly defenseless.

A gurgle from his stomach alerts him to how empty it is, and he eyes the tray once more. He weighs having to leave his little cocoon of warmth to eat, but ultimately decides that having something warm to eat and drink will satisfy both his hunger and his need for heat. The thought that they might be poisoned did cross his mind, but he logics that if the Blue One was going to kill him, he wouldn’t have bothered healing him first. No, there had to be another reason he was going through all this trouble.

Red Son worms his arm out from the blankets and reaches down to the tray, picking up a bun and sinking his teeth into the plump bread. It has the perfect texture - soft and pliant, but firm enough that there isn’t a hint of sogginess where it touches the sweet beans inside. The bean paste has a nice creamy texture to it, with grains of surgery goodness. A contented mumble purrs out of his mouth as he chews on the sweet treat. He gets through half a bun before his dry throat reminds him to slow down and drink something. He takes a sip of the tea, which has a pleasant bitterness to it, with a mixture of ginger and flowery fragrance balancing it out. The tea and the buns compliment each other nicely. Red Son couldn’t remember eating or drinking something with so much apparent care and flavor put into it in a long time. If the big guy’s snacks taste this good, he wonders vaguely what any meals he makes taste like. Not like Red Son intends to stick around very long to find out though. A part of him that he doesn’t want to listen to quite yet, wonders where he’d even go.

Instead, he turns his thoughts to his present circumstances. Where is that big guy anyway? There are still a few cats in the room, but true to the man’s warnings they stay away, eyeing Red Son cautiously. Chewing through the first bean bun, he picks up the second one and notices another two items on the tray - a bell and a note. The note says ‘Red Son: I hope you enjoy the tea and bean buns. Please ring the bell if you need assistance.’

Red Son rolls his eyes at this. Like he wants anything to do with an enemy. Then again, he did seem to care for his injuries and give him some (extremely tasty) tea and snacks. But why? Red Son still can’t figure that out. He huffs out an anxious breath and puts down the last half of the second bean bun, stomach now having been filled despite the small amount of food. He slowly nurses the rest of his tea as he contemplates the situation. Where would he go? What happened to his parents? Would they even want a now powerless demon like him around?

After staring out at space for a bit, getting distracted at nothing but the same questions rolling around in his brain, he notices that his tea has gotten a bit cold. His body is also really achy from sleeping on the floor the whole time. He tentatively stretches out his sore limbs as best he can despite the bandages. He contemplates the distance from the floor to the bed, and decides that he can totally get up there by himself. He struggles onto his knees, careful of his sore ankle, and puts a hand on the bed.

A meow distracts his progress. He looks down to see that blue cat with the tuft of fur that matches the big guy’s mohawk. It’s pawing at his leg and giving him a meaningful look.

“What’s wrong with you? Go away! I’m trying to do something!” Red Son swats at the cat.

The cat responds with more meowing.

“Pft, dumb loud cats,” Red Son grumbles as he tries to ignore the yowling, and shifts his body upwards. He wobbles on one leg, but keeps steady with his hand on the bed. Unfortunately, the bedding is too fluffy to give him sturdy enough leverage to help him up to it. He lurches forward trying to use the momentum to get him up, but instead finds himself doubled over in pain, as his ribs protest the movement. His leg gives a final wobble, and he slips back to the floor with a grunt. He muffles a yell of pain and frustration in the soft mattress.

“Are you all right?”

The loud, but somehow still soft voice causes Red Son to flinch back. He swallows another grunt of pain, in the form of a growl he throws at the Blue One who had appeared in the room. “Of course I’m not all right! I-- I…” He looks to the side unhappily. “I can’t get into the bed.”

“You could have asked for help,” the man says matter-of-factly. “I left a bell.” He smiles genuinely and points to the bell still on the tray.

“I don’t need your help.” Red Son grumbles.

The blue man blinks, then squats down to Red Son’s level, and tilts his eyebrows upward, as if trying his best to appear as small and non-threatening as can be. “It’s okay to ask for help, you know?”

With an eye-roll, Red Son huffs, “Well, I didn’t ask for your help.”

“Technically, you did,” the man points up a finger.

“Listen,” Red Son says ignoring that obvious falsehood. “I’ve been completely fine on my own before. I’ve never had to ask for help! I don’t know what you’re doing here by bandaging me up and stuff, but I’m not playing your game! I don’t need your help! I can do this myself if I just try a bit more!”

“I’m sure you can!”

Red Son gives him a rueful look at his placating tone.

The man’s eyes soften. “But you don’t have to.”

Red Son’s instinct would be to argue further, but there’s something just so darn honest about the man’s tone and a gentleness in his eyes. He mulled over the man’s words. He hadn’t thought of it that way.

The man speaks up again, his gentle demeanor not changing in the slightest. “Would you like to get in the bed?”

“Yes.”

“Can you get in the bed by yourself?”

“...Not… easily,” Red Son decides.

“Would it be easier and less painful if I helped you?”

“Yes.”

“Would it be okay if I helped you get in the bed?” The man holds out an offering hand, palm up.

Red Son looks between it and the man. He nods slowly.

“Okay!” The Blue One beams like Red Son just made his day.

Red Son grimaces and squints as if he is looking directly at the sun.

It ends up being much easier getting into bed with the man’s help. Red Son gets the feeling that the Blue One could’ve just picked him up and put him in bed. But he took care to allow Red Son to go through the motions of pulling himself up and shifting into a sitting position on the bed, as if he had done it on his own, and not that his entire weight was being supported by the Blue One. Red Son decides to not dwell on that fact, and tries to hold onto the last dregs of dignity he had left. Once in bed, the man moved the pillows and blankets back in place once again creating a warm cocoon for the demon to be nestled in. He also moved the heater closer to the bed, and brought him a new cup of warm tea.

A big part of Red Son hates all of this unnecessary pampering, but he was beginning to get very tired and cold again and he didn’t have the energy to fight back.

“Why did you help me?” Red Son asks finally.

“Like I said before, you asked me to!” the man says jovially.

“No, not the bed thing - why did you rescue me?”

“You asked me to do that, too!” Upon seeing Red Son’s disbelieving expression he says, “Well, technically, I don’t think you knew it was me you were asking - you were kind of out of it -  and also maybe you don’t remember because of the whole shock, and cold, and being injured thing…” Red Son notes that the blue one really likes talking with his hands as they gesture about in his explanation. Either way, Red Son is not convinced.

“But why? This must be some sort of trick, or maybe a way to hold me hostage for-- you’re not going to try to use me as leverage for my parents, are you? Or-- what happened to my parents?! You haven’t captured them, too?!” Red Son’s voice starts pitching wildly, and he casts a highly suspicious gaze at the man.

“Woah, woah there! It’s not any of that!” The man holds up his hands in surrender. “MK was able to stop DBK. It’s… difficult to explain what happened, but you all were carried away by a, uh, flash flood…” Red Son quirks an incredulous eyebrow up at that. But the Blue One continues, “I happened to find you washed up on shore by my house boat. To be honest, I don’t know what happened to your parents. ” He shrugs apologetically, as Red Son’s eyebrows knit together at that revelation.

He mulls over the explanation. But something didn’t track right. “But I-- I attacked your friends. We’re… enemies! There’s… no way you would help me unless you had some sort of a plot.”

“Red Son,” the Blue One says, (again with that annoying, honest, gentle voice!). “I helped you because you asked, and I wanted to. No other reason than that. You are free to go and look for your parents whenever you want.”

Red Son sits there, confused. He considers himself very good at reading people. If this guy wanted to intimidate him and hold him hostage, he could easily do so through force, if his appearance is any indication of that. But instead he used everything in his power to appear not threatening. So either the Blue One was one of the best liars that Red Son had ever seen, or he was telling the truth. And he isn’t sure which explanation perplexed him more. Furthermore, if he was free to go and he did find his parents, would they even want him back? Maybe this was secretly a ruse to do so and find that they had actually disowned them. He would certainly deserve that after what he did…

Red Son shakes his head as if to rid himself of those thoughts. “How did you know my name?” he asks instead.

“I try to remember the names of everybody that I know.” The man gives a toothy smile, and points a thumb at himself. “My name’s Sandy, by the way!”

Red Son scrunches up his nose in what he hopes is convincing disgust and not embarrassment at not knowing an enemy’s name. “O-of course I knew that was your name, Blue One! I just don’t lower myself to using the names of peasants!” He tries to make a show of folding his arms, but it’s difficult when one is bandaged to his torso.

The Blue One laughs loud and heartily, which is not the reaction that Red Son wanted, but by now he supposes is the reaction he should expect from this impossibly happy man. “That’s fine! But please,” he places the tray with the bell on a table next to the bed. “Feel free to ask for assistance if you ever need it!”

Red Son grunts in response and buries his nose back under the covers, sinking into the cocoon of blankets. He realizes that he is still very tired and his eyes drift shut. He feels that he can maybe relax a little bit around the Blue On-- Sandy. Still, uncertainty about his parents and his powers bubble beneath the surface. Maybe it would be better if he stayed here. He couldn’t show his face to his parents. Not after all this.

start || <– previous // next –>

[igirisuhito]

Title: Writing down all the things gone wrong Relationship(s): Komaeda Nagito/Matsuda Yasuke Rating: Teen Summary: Upon receiving a gift from Hinata, Komaeda attempts to learn more about a student who once went to Hope's Peak academy. After a strange nightmare, he contemplates the trustworthiness of his memory. Trigger Warnings: Childhood trauma, Religious discussion (I guess?), Doctor/Patient, Medical angst, regular angst, Treatment refusal, Dementia Notes: Happy birthday Komaeda. I hope you like suffering. 

[Ao3 Link]

『••✎••』

"Hey uh, do you want this?"

Hinata's hand outstretches towards him, holding a thin paperback book between calloused fingers. It appears to be a school notebook; worn, ragged, really in a complete state of disrepair. The once white cover was now a full grey, bearing smudged writing and barely recognisable symbols. If they were symbols from any other organisation, Komaeda probably wouldn't have recognised them and asked why Hinata thought to insult him with this utter piece of trash.

"I know you like Hope's Peak memorabilia, right? This isn't really memorabilia, per say, but…" As he rambles away to himself, Hinata starts to look more and more awkward. Is he embarrassed? Ah, who wouldn't be humiliated, being seen giving such a thoughtful gift to Komaeda in an act of pity.

Before Hinata can try and make some other excuse, Komaeda reaches out, pale digits barely passing over the messy kanji. "Ry…ko… Oto…'s…"

He has to pause, squinting hard at the words. He wonders if there's a chance he's reading it wrong. "Memory notebook? Like a diary?"

Komaeda takes the notebook into his hands, accepting the gift. However, he can't suppress the grin that crosses his face as he looks back up at Hinata, the desire to tease the other just too tempting to resist. "Oh my Hinata-kun… why are you walking around with a girl's diary?"

"I-I got it from the Monomono machine, okay?!" He flushes bright red, beginning to stammer as he shoves his hands back into his pockets. "I-It could be a guy's!"

Doubtful, Komaeda flicks the crinkled pages open, carefully separating each one with his fingers. The way the ink is washed out on every page reminds him of when you would accidentally put a receipt through the wash, full of barely comprehensible writing and doodles. An overuse of love hearts and sparkles, however, proves his theory correct.

"Even if you didn't get it from somewhere weird... I'm not sure if it's really okay for me to accept this!" Sucking in a deep breath, Komaeda grips his elbows in order to calm himself. "There must be some incredibly bad luck waiting for me! For Hinata-kun to go out of his way to give me something so amazing… haha, I feel a little tingly just thinking about it!"

"Seriously, it's no big deal," it seems as though Hinata's face is just getting hotter, he must be truly embarrassed by how much of a fuss Komaeda is making over it. "Just take it, okay? We had a good time today."

"Well, thank you, Hinata-kun. It makes me unbearably happy that you would give me a gift like this!" Smile stretching impossibly wide, Komaeda holds the notebook close to his chest, careful not to crush it.

"Go home, Komaeda."

With an aggressive nod, he says his farewells, "Well then, I'll see you tomorrow, Hinata-kun."

And with that, Hinata turns away, already running off down the beach. He's sprinting like he's trying to escape something, though it wouldn't surprise Komaeda if he was just trying to run away from any possibility of them speaking again. Unfortunately for Hinata, their time on this island isn't nearly over, and he would have to face Komaeda once again tomorrow in Jabberwock Park.

A soft sigh slips past his lips with the thought. He glances towards the horizon, the glowing sea of orange as waves gently roll up on the shoreline. The sun is setting on another perfect day. A cool breeze plays at the strands of Komaeda's hair, knocking it into his eyes. He brings a hand to his face, tucking the loose white locks behind one ear as he glances back down towards the notebook in his hands.

"Memory notebook, huh?"

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

Komaeda sits himself down on the edge of the bed with a sigh, placing his gift from Hinata at his side. It has been an unbearably long day, between spending the morning working to collect resources and the afternoon making sandcastles with Hinata, he was worn to the bone.

He leans down to undo the zips on his boots before kicking them off. As he wiggles his toes, he is overcome by the unpleasant sensation of sand sticking between them. With a groan, he begrudgingly pulls off his socks too, all too aware of the sound of the grains hitting the floorboard as he does. A mess to deal with later.

Quickly dusting off his feet, then brings them up onto the bed with him, laying back on the covers. An ache immediately begins to settle in his muscles, and a yawn forces its way out of his mouth. With the warm heat of the evening, it feels as though he could fall asleep right here and now. As pleasant as that would be, he has yet to properly examine Hinata's gift. He'd been brimming with anxious excitement to look at it the whole walk back to his cabin.

Bringing the notebook up to his side, he lays his head against the pillow and flicks it open. The first page is filled with rushed writing done in black pen, ink that has since been washed away. If he squints hard enough, he can just barely make out the characters, fill in some blanks. This is definitely a notebook once belonging to somebody going to Hope's Peak Academy.

How exciting!

He turns the page. There's a two page spread of nothing but blurry sketches and doodles, and from what he can tell, they're incredibly well done. The artist obviously had quite the knack for reproducing realistic details, honing in on fine points such as the eyes and lips.

Carefully flicking to the next page, he finds more hastily scribbled notes and drawings. It's unusual, the subject is the same in almost every occasion, and with each depiction Komaeda finds himself starting to build a better image of that person in his head.

The ballpoint scribbles illustrate a young Japanese man, bearing long shoulder length hair and meticulously detailed eyelashes. His lips are thin, often turned down in a frown, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. The owner of the diary was very clearly infatuated with him, and he could understand why. The man was naturally gorgeous even with such a pouty face.

And somehow, he felt strikingly familiar.

Komaeda turns through a few more pages, carefully poring over the illegible kanji and fuzzy details. No matter how hard he squints, he just can't understand what the words read, as though the information is purposefully taunting him, hanging just out of reach. With a sigh, he closes the notebook and allows his eyelids to flicker shut.

"How despairing."

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

"Your dementia is progressing quickly." Crossing one leg over the other, the doctor spun around in his chair to face Komaeda.

His demeanour was… laid-back. Much too laid back for a doctor. And mean, harsh, unnecessarily cruel. It was clear on his face that he thought Komaeda was the most revolting thing he'd seen all day, and he was probably right.

"Ah, such is fate for someone as worthless as me. Perhaps I really am meant to die." He laughed softly to himself, gazing down at his lap.

"Shut up," the doctor hissed. "Are you taking your medication?"

Komaeda stared out the window, wordless in his thoughts. The sunlight streaming through the glass felt warm on his skin, unlike the chill of metal on the medical bed beneath him. It was a lovely day brimming with hope, a day he would have liked to be out there enjoying.

"It's a nice day isn't it, M̧̩̹̗͕̮̼̆̋͑a̦̮̟̠̓͜ť̇҉̺̙s̪̦̟̋ͤ̽͗͜ŭ̺͉̖̫͍̯̪ͯ̐͠d̷̬̤̹̩̱̫̻̺͊a̵̯͙͖̙̩͇͂͛̓̊-kun?"

"Huh?" The doctor blinked, before looking up from his clipboard and out the window. "What are you talking about? Answer the damn question."

He remained silent, continuing to gaze out the window at the campus below. There were students socialising, exercising, running to class. Blurs of smiling faces amongst a sea of brown, each student filled with a sense of pride. The air is filled with distant laughter and chatter. It's too quiet in the room.

"Why don't you wear the Hope's Peak Uniform?"

There was a loud clatter as the doctor's clipboard hit the floor. Before Komaeda can react, (as if he was going to), he's risen to his feet and practically pounced on the boy. The doctor's pale hands reached for his chest, securing a handful of his sweater. A soft gasp escaped his lips, being pulled forward until he came nose to nose with the doctor, warm erratic breaths coming short and fast on his lips.

His face was difficult to see when he was on the other side of the room, but Komaeda realised that distance was not the issue. Even when he was so close the details were hazy, Komaeda only barely being able to make a deep frown etched beneath his dark bangs. Every time he tried to take in more details, it was as though he were looking too closely at a painting, unable to take in the full image beyond a few brush strokes.

"I knew it. Of course you wouldn't take them." He spit, teeth bared and eyebrows furrowed. "You just think your fucking luck is going to save you, that this is all some big plan for 'hope'."

The doctor let go, allowing Komaeda to slump back into his chair. He looked distressed, unreasonably so to the point of unprofessionalism. The doctor swept back his hair, giving Komaeda a glimpse of glaring blue eyes before he pressed the palms of his hands into his eye sockets.

Komaeda couldn't help but chuckle to himself. And before he knew it, he was laughing. Laughing raucously, in a way that made his whole body shake with dread, his mind spin with despair. His fingers wound their way to his scalp and he gripped and pulled at his hair until he could see the doctor's horrified expression looking back at him.

"Hope?" The word dripped from his mouth like venom. "There is no hope in taking that. The disease is incurable! There's no point in messing with that fact! What hope is there in waking up every day sick as a diseased dog just so I can tack a few extra years of suffering onto my lifespan? Do you want me to suffer, is that it? Does the Ultimate Neurologist truly believe he can play God? That you can cure a terminal illness? It's embarrassing, you truly don't know when to draw the line, to give up on a piece of human garbage like-!"

"What the fuck would you know about God, you demented freak?!"

Komaeda bit his tongue, a sickening grin forming on his face.

"You think some God is going to sweep you away from this? There is no damn God!" The doctor near screams the words. "There's you, me, and a miserable little pile of pills. You're the one who refuses to see an expert, you're the one who insisted on seeing an 'Ultimate', and yet you refuse to do what you've been told. I don't know why I bother, shit, you can rot in that empty skull of yours for all I care."

By the time he was done with his rant, he'd fallen back into his chair, dejected, out of breath. Komaeda didn't miss the flush on his cheeks, the way his nails dug into his thighs. What a brash display of emotion.

"I never knew you felt so strongly about God, Matsuda-kun." Straightening out his sweater, Komaeda shot the other a wide smile. "I guess it makes sense, you are a man of science, after all."

The doctor did not raise his head, remaining in his hunched over position. He was shaking, fists scrunching the fabric of his pants as he tried to regain his composure, probably to stop himself from jumping across the room and choking Komaeda to death. He thought he would have deserved it at this point.

"Do you really not understand how privileged you are? Are you doing this just to mock me, to make me suffer? I shouldn't have expected any less from Komaeda fucking Nagito," his voice trembled and cracked. "Am I the incompetent one? Should I be coming to your dorm every night and forcing the damn things down your throat? I can't fucking listen to you, I can't stand you. Every time you look at me with that stupid fucking grin on your face it feels like you think this is all a joke. What if you do die? What do you think is gonna happen to the people who love and care about you?"

Komaeda opened his mouth to refute him, but quickly snapped it shut again when a scalpel zipped past his head, lodging itself in the wall behind him with a thwunk. The doctor had raised his head, arm poised with another scalpel in hand and eyes filled with deadly intent as he glared at Komaeda.

"Get the fuck out of my office you ugly bastard."

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

Komaeda opens his eyes suddenly, silently.

It's no dramatic waking up from a nightmare, no shooting up out of bed with his lungs burning and chest heaving. Just a sudden realisation that he is awake and that he has been dreaming. Perhaps he was kicked out of Matsuda's office, but how would he know? It was just as possible that he'd risen to his feet and beaten him senseless.

…Matsuda?

It's a familiar name, but not one that belongs to anyone Komaeda knows. "Matsuda-kun. Matsuda… Hope's Peak?"

He mumbles to himself, attempting to make sense of the information thrown at him. They say dreams are pulled from your memories, so why would he have memories from Hope's Peak? Why would he have memories of a person he has never known?

"Matsuda… I called him the Ultimate Neurologist, didn't I?" He asks the question to the darkness of his room. "I wouldn't forget somebody like that, would I?"

Komaeda sits up, pushing his hair back as he brings a hand to his forehead. "Would I?"

Eyes drifting along the covers of his bed, he spots the memory notebook. "I wonder if I should start keeping one too," he chuckles.

[sasa-gay-yo]

Just Us (Chapter Thirteen: Feel)

←Chapter Twelve

The two of them stood next to the Garrison Captain’s feet, one on each side. The other was being held up by his neck, struggling to break free. Once I opened the door to the café, he was thrown in, face hitting the wooden floor. 

“You offered to take the brats a while ago, well here they fucking are. This one caused a huge fight and spilled over all our grain stores for the week.” He pointed at Eren on the ground, both of them glaring at each other. Eren’s gaze made me shiver much more than the wind coming in did. It was the middle of a snow storm and I had no idea how mad Eren made the Captain who was willing to pull them through the wind and the flurries. However, I didn’t question it, seeing how cold the blue-eyed boy was. His nose and cheeks were red and I could hear his teeth chattering. The only thing protecting the girl was a red scarf. 

“Yes, I’ll take them.” He then proceeded to shove the others into the café and turn back around, pulling the hood of his thick jacket up. I quickly closed the door, frowning as the snow flurried in, and turned to the three of them. The girl was at Eren’s side, helping him up while the blonde boy was talking to him about how much trouble they’d gotten in. I just looked down at them, trying to hide the pity in my face. The grandfather the boy had, was he one of them? I sighed and took one step towards them so they looked up at me. 

“Do you three want anything to drink? Tea? Hot chocolate? Go sit by the fire and take your shoes and socks off before your feet get too wet.” They seemed to be taken aback by my accepting tone. It probably seemed a lot more empty though than when I’d given the bread to the blonde boy, but for the past month, I had no energy to give emotion to society anymore. Every time I tried, it would end in a fury where I had to defend the Scouts. I was tired. That’s why I closed the shop this week, not thinking anyone would come knocking at my door in such a harsh winter. 

I looked out at the window again, thinking about how cold they all must be. I was so selfish too, thinking about Levi’s wellbeing in the snow storm. He had a winter coat, but did the Wall Maria refugees all have one? They left on such a nice, warm day in late January, everyone was so surprised that the weather had turned out this way. Maybe it was a sign that what the Scouts were doing was blessed by some higher power. Sometimes we have warm winters, and other times we get no snow at all. We thought this winter was going to be the latter and how wrong we were. A month later, when we were almost to spring, the blizzards hit. 

I yawned before putting the chocolate flakes into the milk I’d found. Adding to my tiredness was the amount of nightmares I had while he was gone. I was starting to realize why Levi drank so much tea. I had one with me now as I didn’t sleep at all last night.

“Here you go. Just wait a bit for the chocolate to dissolve.” I handed the three their own mugs and I could instantly tell how they were feeling by the gaze at the milk. Eren was snarling at his milk, his hands shaking. The blonde haired boy seemed to be close to tears, taking his spoon and swirling it around. The girl showed no emotion, just staring at Eren. I assumed it was their personalities. While they sat on the raised brick hearth of the fireplace, I sat on the floor in front of them. It was probably a really pitiful sight, a thin coat over an even thinner, weak looking girl. 

“What are your names?” They all looked up at me as I started talking to them, but I was now mimicking the blonde boy, staring at my tea and swirling in some of the last honey stores I had. I couldn’t go a minute without thinking about him it was pitiful. I’d picked at my thumb too and a tiny speck of blood came out. 

“Mikasa.”

“Eren.” 

“Armin Arlet, Ma’am.” A tiny smile traced your lips, but it dropped easily after a second. The blonde boy was cute.

“Just called me, Eva. Titles don’t matter in a time like this.” I took a sip of the burning liquid, letting my body feel something. It tasted like him. I set it down next to me, not wanting to taste it anymore. 

“Miss. Eva, why did Captain Tresus take us to you?” Just like I observed before, Armin was the mouthpiece of the three. His question made me think back to the days I gave them bread. How long ago was that? I’d lost track of time completely while I waited. Back then, you were so naive thinking that Wall Maria falling was the worst thing that could happen to society. It was up there, but this, now, was so depressing. At least after Maria fell, you had Levi with you. So selfish.

“They threatened to kick you out in front of me a long time ago, and I said that they could just send you to me.” Armin and Eren’s eyes both widened, one in fear and the other in anger. Hopefully it wasn’t directed at me. 

“We aren’t allowed back?!” Eren gripped is mug harder, some of the liquid splashing over the edge on his hand. When he felt the hot milk tough his hand, he winced, but seemed not to care enough. He just had that rage in his eyes. If he didn’t get that under control, he’d be in much more trouble. I knew first hand.

“They never said that. I’m pretty sure they aren’t allowed to kick minors out, even if you ruined their grain supply,” you directed at Eren. That made whatever he was holding in burst.

“It wasn’t theirs! They were taking the grain from us to eat for themselves all while making fun of the people they sent out to die!” His voice echoed through the empty café and I saw Armin’s eyes fill with silent tears as his friend said that. He didn’t think his grandfather was going to die, but it was a suicide mission they were sent on. I wanted to reach over and pat him on the head or something. Something to tell him that it was going to be alright. Armin and I were in the same boat, stuck waiting for someone to return from the most horrifying thing that has the pleasure of gracing our ears. However, Armin’s grandfather had a much smaller chance of returning. Armin must have known that, seeing his reaction to Eren’s harsh words. I’d heard those types of words too much over the last month and a half that I was numb to them. My calmness probably scared them. 

“Would you three like something to eat? I can’t offer much in terms of meat, but I can make some porridge and bread. I suppose my offer to the Captain was for you three to come here and help me make bread for the other refugees, but that’s not an option anymore. Would you like a blanket Armin? You look very cold.”

“U-uh, I…” I smiled down at him, standing up, taking my teacup with you to go make them some porridge. All fake smiles.

“I’ll get you one anyways.” I could tell they were trying to figure out who I was and why I was doing these things for them by the whispers that I heard. I just turned my back to them and let them talk while I started to make porridge on the stove. I gave Armin one of the blankets I’d brought down from my apartment, planning to sleep near the fireplace tonight because my apartment was too cold to bear. He refused it first, but when I went back to put the porridge into bowls, he’d wrapped it around himself, engulfing everything but his face. Eren seemed to be warm enough by the anger boiling inside of his stomach, but soon he settled down and got under the blanket with Armin. Mikasa just held the scarf closer to her, looking at Eren or my back. Her gaze was scarily familiar and you realized it was probably because she shared similar features to Levi, however she seemed to be oriental like the extinct people Mr. Flynn had once talked about.

“Why are you giving us food? Don’t the people here hate us? That’s why they sent them away to fight the Titans.” I spooned some porridge in my mouth, again not caring that I was burning my throat while doing it, and shook my head at Eren. 

“Someone I care about left with them too. I don’t hate you, I understand you.” That seemed to set him off again. Something about me, a person who’s in a house and has food, understanding him didn’t sit right in his heart. How could I understand his situation if it looked like I had everything he didn’t? In retrospect, it wasn’t the best thing to say. I understood only a little what he was going through, the orphan and fighting for yourself part, but not the trauma of watching your district be eaten by titans. 

“You can never understand us,” he growled, gripping the spoon hard. Okay, this was getting to be over-the-top. I understood why the Garrison might think he was too much. The anger in his eyes only let you see a little bit of what he had inside, and I’m sure that part was terrifying. If this boy got somewhere where he could display this anger, it wouldn’t be a good scene. Was I going to try and be his therapist? Well, I shouldn’t be. Not in the state that I’m in, but of course I was. That’s what the Flynn clan does. 

“Well, I’m an orphan, too. I grew up in the Underground. Someone I care for is out there right now with the refugee’s fighting to retake Wall Maria. I’d say we’re pretty similar, minus the titans.” I’d peaked Armin’s interest and his blue eyes shined up at me. He was the type to want to gain information. I could tell he was smart and well-read by the way he talked. Maybe I’d give him a book or two. 

“You grew up in the Underground? I’ve never met someone from there. What is it like? If you don’t mind answering…” I almost laughed at his sensitive nature. Normally, I wouldn’t be willing to indulge someone in my past, but today I was feeling open. It was because all four of us were now at a certain lowest point and he looked like he really wanted to know. 

“Awful. Damp. Smelly. I lived in an orphanage almost my whole time there. You’d get beat up all the time by people looking for food or money, none of which I had. The man who owned this bakery found me and took me home with other kids in my same situation. I guess I’m giving you food because it’s a habit I’ve developed. Take kids off the street and try to help them see the light. That’s what I thought I was going to do when I saw the Garrison Chief kick you, Eren. Sorry I can’t offer you more.” Eren’s face then morphed into one of guilt. It made me smile lightly, not a real smile, but one that knew what he was thinking. Too quick to judge. I used to be like that too. This therapist thing was really about to happen. 

“You know someone in the Scouts?” His tone had changed from before, and now it was the same as Armin’s inquiring one. Was he also a little boy infatuated with Humanity’s suicidal heroes? 

“Yes, I do. Haven’t seen or heard from him since they left.” I had to fight down some tears in front of the kids. Every time I thought about it, it made me cry. I didn’t know where Levi was, and there was no possible way he could send a letter with some sign or location. All I knew is that he probably wasn’t dead. I didn’t feel anything but loneliness in my heart, and that was the only indication he was alive. It was ironic that all these negative emotions made me feel comfort and safety. 

“I’m joining the Scouts. Next year. I want to kill all of them. All of the titans.” The look was back again, the one that gave you chills. This type of thinking was dangerous, because once he started his plan, he wasn’t going to stop. The anger, if no one quenched it, would continue on. I knew this anger all too well. Was he angry at the titans? Angry at the world? Which was it?

“What are you going to do when all the titans are gone?” I took another drink of tea, regretting feeling the taste when talking about things like this. It just made it harder and harder to focus on the situation at hand. 

Eren paused, probably not ever having thought about that possibility. In all honesty, it probably wasn’t a possibility. 

‘“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Well, you have three years to figure it out before you join the Scouts. I’ve heard the man who trains you is brutal.” Levi had mentioned his name in passing. Keith. He was loud and wasn’t afraid to deal out punishments for the littlest thing. It was a point to break someone so the military could rebuild them in it’s image, and he seemed to be the perfect person for the job. He was also one of the only people who survived long enough in the Survey Corps to be retired to another position. 

“Fighting titans isn’t as heroic as you’re making it sound, Eren. While the Scouts… while they really are the ones who will save us, if anyone, they’re also the first to die. They’re the first to see their friends get eaten. The first to… I don’t mean to scare you, sorry,” I said that in response to Armin’s horrified face, “but it’s a big decision to make so young. I’ve seen someone go to the Scouts and never come back, but I know people who’ve been there for years and are still alive. If you have any doubts, then I’d advise you to not go.” Eren was determined, I knew that. There was no way my words were going to change his mind on this. However, I could see the fear behind Armin’s eyes. I wondered if he was being dragged into this by Eren, or if he really wanted to fight back. Maybe it was his grandfather’s possible death that motivated him, but you still felt his fear from across the room. Mikasa looked determined to follow any and everywhere Eren went, so she was gone too. But Armin. Something made me want to save him. Not from the winter cold, but from the fate he was creating for himself by joining the Scouts. Maybe I’d ask Levi to watch over them if he comes back. 

No. When he comes back. When. When. When. 

“Miss Eva?” I snapped back to the conversation we were having, noticing I’d dropped your spoon on the ground. Hopefully, they didn’t ask me anything. 

“I’m sorry, did you ask something?” Armin seemed hesitant to ask again, and it was almost hurting me how timid he was. He shouldn’t be fighting titans. 

“We just wanted to know if you knew about the mission to reclaim Wall Maria before…” I sighed, remembering the day Levi left. I thought about it over and over, the way he acted so differently. He was receptive to every touch, even initiating it while I made him some food to take along the way. To me, there was something wrong when I heard that the Scouts would be leaving at night and close to the outer edge of Trost. While he was holding me from behind, his face in my neck, I asked if I could send him off since it was the first expedition of the year. He gripped me harder, almost making me drop the rice from the stove, and rejected it. Even though he seemed to never leave my side in the house, when it was time for him to leave, he promptly let me go on my doorstep and only kissed my forehead. There was no goodbye, no smile, no annoying remark, no last kiss; it almost upset me, the quick change once he made his exodus. 

I realized a day later, after finally knowing what he was leaving to do, that he had to act like that to be able to leave. He probably thought that if he kissed me, he would be pulled back in too tight. I blamed myself too, for giving him weeks of regular, domestic bliss, that probably tortured him with every fleeting moment. If only I knew, I would have made it easier for him to leave. I wouldn’t have been so bold with my affections. His apprehension to sleep in my bed made sense now. It wasn’t just because of the connotation, but also because if he woke up on January First, entwined in my warmth, would he be able to throw the covers off and leave me? 

“No, I didn’t. I had no idea what I was sending him off to.” This time, I couldn’t hold back the tears that fell into my porridge. The only good thing in this situation was that fact that I gave him all the emotion that I could have. I’d sit in my bed for the first month, listing off the reasons that he didn’t tell me. The obvious, logical one was that I was a security threat. How far back did he know about this plan? That night on the couch, I was delivering bread to the refugees every other day. Did he not tell me because he didn’t want me to feel his hurt? He didn’t want me to tell them? The other one was a reason that had come from my mouth originally. 

I’m not going to hold myself back because I’m afraid of what could happen.

If he told me about the expedition to reclaim Wall Maria, would I have acted differently? Would I have been more reserved or would I have intensified my affections because I only had a few weeks left with him? It seemed that he didn’t want to entertain that idea, and left me in some form of naïve domestic bliss.

“You three are much braver than I’ll ever be. I could never hold the responsibility the Scouts have.” I could never keep an operation like that under wraps. I could never listen to a government who sacrifices their people. I wasn’t strong like Levi. 

They left a few hours after that, and at some point I turned my attitude around, making them help me with some pastry orders. Eren was hopeless, so I made him run the mixer while Mikasa and Armin helped me assemble and decorate. Mikasa was amazing it at from the start, and I let her dollop on icing without supervision. It seemed like we all accepted that we didn’t want to talk about what was happening outside the bakery, so I asked them about their hobbies and interests. Anything to get our mind off the expedition. Armin liked to read, and I offered him a few books to take with him. Eren didn’t really do anything other than get into fights with some local boys and Mikasa was always the one who saved them. It was fitting for Eren, but I secretly hoped he had some other interest than fighting. Maybe cooking or something. I couldn’t criticize him though, because at that age I was exactly the same.

I was able to find some heavier sweaters for then, stealing some of Ben’s and my older clothes to give to them. The snow had stopped, but it wasn’t going to stop being cold and I didn’t want to see Armin shiver like I had before. Something about how delicate he was made my heart try to warm as I put the coat and blanket around his shoulders. He was already starting to develop a cold and his nose was running. 

“Stop giving the kids handouts. Pretty soon you’ll have all the little brats at your door wanting food and clothing.” I glared at the Captain who was sitting warm in his military issued coat. Just like Levi would be. 

“You’ve told me that before and nothing happened. I’ll give them what I want.” I could see Eren smirk up at the Captain who was finally getting back what he gave to others. I stood up and put my hands on my hips, ready to chew him out if he said something out of line next. 

“It seems helping raggedy kids off the street runs in the family,” he sneered and my hands went into fists. 

“It seems that the Garrison picks their officers the same way, Captain.” He didn’t like that I got in the last word, so he wasn’t going to stop his insult. 

“How does it feel to support a group who lead thousands of people to their deaths, Eva? If you supported the Garrison half as much as you did the Scouts, maybe your café would still be open.” 

“At least I support a group who does something. All I see the Garrison doing is drinking themselves to death on the street. Do you really think you can fight against the titans when they show up?” The kids were just looking back and forth between the two of us as we spouted out insults. My anger was steadily growing as he kept going on about how the Scouts were going to all die outside the walls and how stupid they had become as an organization once Erwin took control. 

“That is, if they come back, Eva. Your little love affair might be coming to a close soon.” My eyes widened at his statement, knowing exactly what he was talking about. He, along with others in Trost, had noticed Levi’s presence at the café, and tried to connect the dots themselves. Levi made sure he always walked in the front door during lunch rush, wearing the uniform that I washed the night previous. Still, it made people talk, like they enjoy doing. 

“He’s going to die, Eva. You have to know that!” The Captain stuck his face out near mine, a sly smirk on his face. 

One day he’s going to die, Eva. If he doesn’t leave you before that.

Scouts die everyday. There’s no guarantee that I’ll come back.

I sent him to the white ground, the blood from his nose painting it red. My knuckles burned, knowing that I hit him incorrectly; not the way Levi taught me. However, the anger I had built up over these past months had given me enough power to send him sprawling. Armin had let out a little shout, but the way that Eren reacted to it made me pause and collect my labored breathing. He was looking at the Captain, a look I’ve never seen before. A look others had probably seen on my face. He was smiling down at the Captain who was struggling to get up, holding a broken nose. My actions fueled the ones I wanted Eren to let go of because I was no different than him. I saw myself in Eren, that’s why I wanted to talk to him, and now here we were displaying the same behaviors I wanted him to stop. 

“If you kids need anything else, just come here.” I slammed the door behind me and locked it, knowing the Garrison Captain would want to get inside and give me a piece of his mind. 

I went to sit down on the hearth, not tending to the slowly dying fire. I just held my head in my hands and cried, not caring about the blood I could feel popping up around my knuckles. It was better to feel something other than sadness. That was the only good side of this situation. 

Three Months After the Start of the Mission to Reclaim Wall Maria 

“I talked to Duran recently…” Ben trailed off, de-pitting the other cherries as I was heating up the sugar. 

“I think you’re the only one who talks to him still.” A Garrison member held up their coffee cup for a refill and I smiled at him to let him know I was on my way. The Captain hadn’t shown up here since that day. 

“Well, I’m the only one who thinks he’s a semi-decent person. He said he’s gotten some free time and might come down to visit. Maybe we could send a note to Catrin, too and get together like we used to.” I laughed at that, more of a scoff, and went to fill the member’s cup up, obliging in their second long conversation before I reverted my face back to its neutral position.

“I didn’t think Duran liked us that much to want to come back. He didn’t leave on a good note.” Ben put the cherries into the pot and I stirred, mashing them to make the filling for tonight’s cherry turnovers. 

“You two didn’t leave on a good note, but he said that he’s going to do some intense training soon, so he wants to come visit before he can’t. Since I’m this family’s head, I’m going to invite him. You know he’s going to want to see the apartment and the café.” I gave him a confused look, knowing the Duran that got into a screaming match with me before he stormed off without a goodbye. He hated the café and the apartment. In fact, he screamed that he wasn’t going to come back either, but now he’s asking to visit? He must’ve hit his head. 

“I don’t think Duran’s presence will be the best for my mood.” Ben took a deep sigh, not knowing how to help me at this point. Being a good brother, he was trying any and every way to keep me happy and occupied. He also said that Jonas had heard people talking about me on the street, specifically how I seemed depressed, and so Ben had to come and see me because Jonas was still too stubborn. Ben said that to make me laugh, but somehow it made me feel worse. 

Even if we fought, if Jonas was hurting as much as I was, I would have visited him. Apparently, a whole childhood of friendship didn’t mean the same thing to him. 

“Duran told me something about that too, but I don’t think it would be the best for your mood to tell you.” I took the cherries off the heat and turned to take someone’s order, the fake smile plastered back on my face. Whatever Duran had to say, I was interested in hearing it. It was the most comfortable to live in naivety for the past three months, knowing in my heart that Levi wasn’t dead. It was also easier to be selfish that way. I didn’t want to worry about millions of people, I just wanted to worry about one. It made me feel like a horrible person every night when I wrote in my personal log, but at this point I couldn’t pull self-hate out of the vat of emotion I had inside. The only ones that came out regularly were self-pity, anger, sadness, and maybe the occasional sadistic humor. Everything else was fake. I was putting on a show to the people around me so they would stop asking if I was okay. I wasn’t, but I didn’t want them hearing it from my own mouth. 

“I don’t care what he says.” It was short and curt, enough to cut Ben off for a few minutes, frustrated with how I was acting. He was going to end up giving me some sort of lecture on why I should be happy, only for me to blow him off to go shut myself in my apartment before he could drag me to some family dinner. Those were the only times I saw Jonas, and even then we didn’t talk or look at each other. 

“Do you not talk to people because you feel they won’t understand you or…?” There it was. I rolled my eyes. 

“I just don’t want to talk about my feelings right now.” He put one hand on his hip. 

“So when and with who? Everyone here can see you’re dying inside.” Ouch. I went back to making the turnovers. 

“I don’t know, Ben. Not now and not with you.” That’s how I knew something was wrong deep down. Ben had to have known too. I told him everything, easily. If it wasn’t Jonas who knew, you could count on Ben. It ranges from my favorite color as a child to the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone. Yet, these feelings seem too scary to tell him. Too raw. They also were quite immoral to say out loud, and I felt that Ben, someone who worked closely with the people the government sent out to kill, would see me differently after I told him. I know he wouldn’t judge me, but there was just something there that didn’t let me, no matter how much he pressed. This may be the only thing I haven’t let Ben in on, and he was probably hurt too… and very concerned. 

At night, I’d try to write it out like Levi said, this feeling of needed to keep self-secrecy, but I just didn’t have the words to explain it. I didn’t have the words to explain a lot of things in my log, and most of the entries were not even half a page long. I would detail what happened during the day, which was the same thing over and over, and then I’d write a sentence on how I was feeling. When he came back, I knew he’d be disappointed at how little I’d shown him. 

Levi had left a letter the night he left, which I didn’t find till morning. This letter detailed everything that he didn’t tell me about the expedition, and also reassurances of his safety. He also instructed me to write out what happens while he’s gone so I wouldn’t forget him. Everyday I wrote, and everyday I’d read over it and hate the words on the page. I’d imagine him reading it and feeling burdened by what his absence made me feel. That was probably another reason I couldn’t write down what I was truly feeling. 

So there it always was, like a rain cloud over my head for three months straight. 

Tonight’s entry actually went over a half of a page because I had to elaborate on how Duran and I left each other after Mr. Flynn’s funeral. 

Today was the same as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. Ben came again, trying to get me to talk to him and helping at the café. Mr. Shwiner ordered a latte instead of black coffee, but I didn’t ask why. Ben told me he talked to Duran, remember, my brother. He’s joining some new MP branch and so he has mandatory training, and somehow that willed him to want to come to the place he hates before being locked up in wonderful Mitras. The last time Duran was here was after Mr. Flynn’s funeral and we got into a screaming match in the café. He said he never wanted to see this stupid place again and I slapped him across the face. It doesn’t make sense to me why he wants to come back. I don’t want him to come back. I want you to come back. Yes, that’s it for the day. Hopefully, this will be the last day I write this to you. If you come back tomorrow, I’ll tell you my real name. 

Knock. Knock. 

I put the pencil and notebook down on my bed, groaning when I heard the knock. I shoved on my slippers walking to the door. Probably some nightwatch or Reeve’s company trying to get me to order more with all the money I don’t have. Either way, they’d end up with my door thrown in their face. 

“What do you need this late after dinner?”

He just stood there, staring at me. His hands were in his pockets too, but I could see them twitching, not knowing what to say. I took one good look at his figure, up and down, and then went to slam the door. 

“Wait!” His hand caught it, pushing the door back a little bit so I could see his face still.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want anything else. I already put in my order for this month.” My tone was harsher than I expected it to be. 

“Eva-” I raised my voice. 

“I said I already ordered!” Still, he wouldn’t let me close the door, and I turned my face away from him. Did I feel abandoned? Yes. Was it partly my own fault? Also, yes. This is why I turned away from him, because I didn’t want to face those emotions when all these other ones are building up. 

“Eva, I need to come in.” His hand was still flat on the door, making it impossible for me to close it on him. Even if I didn’t want him to come inside, he was going to push his way in. I just walked away from the open door, leaving him to close it as he came in. Still, I had my back turned towards him as I stood in the center of the living room between the two couches. 

“Eva, we need to talk.” I crossed my arms, looking over my shoulder slightly to see his face. It shouldn’t look so out of place to have him stand here. 

“Say what you need to say then get out.” I cursed myself for letting him hear how shaking my voice was. He knew I was holding in tears.

“Eva, just stop thi-” 

“Stop what?” He sighed, just like Ben did this morning, but it was deeper. He was getting ready to yell. I flinched on impact.

“Stop acting like you’re fine!” The silence hung after he yelled. That’s when he knew I was gone. Just like how I have an instinct around Ben, I have one around Jonas as well. When he fights, I fight back. That’s how it’s always been. Now, I was just standing there letting him do this. That’s how drained I was. Yet, I wasn’t drained enough to not try and hurt him back. To expel my emotions in some other way than crying. 

“Stop acting like you care.” He laughed after that. Three times.

“Oh, Eva, you know I’m the person who cares the most.” His tone was calm, not sarcastic or dripping with anger like mine was. It made me feel worse. 

“It only took you four months.” 

“Well, you waited six months for him so I though-” I turned around sharply, my eyes probably wild as I started over at him. 

“Leave.” He held up his hands in defense. 

“Okay, I’m sorry, that one just slipped out.” My glare was serious. If he was here to talk about Levi, he was going to exit. 

“I’m not here to talk to you about your relationship and I know you don’t want my apology. I’m here because I promised you something a long time ago.” That made me intrigued. I don’t remember promising him anything. 

“Which is?”  He smiled lightly, finally having my attention. I wouldn’t have kicked him out. I would have let him talk either way. 

“When we first went to secondary school, that first day, do you remember what happened?” 

“I kicked the boy in the side and got reprimanded, yes.” 

“And you saved me from getting beat up by the older kids.” Jonas had always gotten into fights from primary to the beginning of secondary. I don’t know if it was because his face looked punchable, but he would always attract upperclassmen boys who wanted to kick him off some sort of high horse they thought he was on. I always felt like I had to help him too, no matter the situation, even if we were probably the smallest kids and would end up in the headmasters office. Still, I didn’t see the relevance of him bringing this up and he could tell he was ringing no bells.

“That day, do you remember what happened that made you kick the boy’s head?” My eyes widened. Oh. We were thinking of two different days. The day he was referring too was… 

“I remember yes,” my voice had gotten softer and all the anger had left it. That day had been shoved into the back of my memory for years. This also let Jonas know he was getting to his point. 

“You told me that you never wanted to be that person again. The person who said that you wanted to kick the boy’s head until his blood painted your shoes.” You shivered when he repeated your words. You did say that, but after as you were standing outside the headmaster’s office while Ben played your caretaker. 

Mr. Flynn said it happened to all of his kids. Once they reach puberty, something in them snaps and the trauma comes flooding back through. He hoped that with the right care, it would never happen to me, and he thought it didn’t, because that was the day I started confining in Ben. At first, I would steal things from the booths or even money from the register, but I would horde them in a box under my bed. I wanted control over the things I had. Ben said he started that way too. Next, I would hurt things smaller than me, giving back the world the pain I suffered. It was a power dynamic. I finally had power over something. It made me understand why older girls would kick my ribs in the Underground alleyways. Finally, months of these behaviors culminated into that day. 

He was kicking Jonas on the ground, like the people in the Underground, and the two other boys on his side watched. I ran over, yelling at them with my fists as tight as they would go. I was still small from malnourishment, but I knew how to fight from years of doing it. It was all fine and normal, only throwing insults back and forth, until he called me an Underground rat. They knew where I lived and who my caretaker was. That’s when it all came flooding back. I didn’t want to hurt small things anymore, I wanted to kill that boy who was hurting Jonas and making me feel the way he did. Ben said that it was a form of atonement for the times I was beat up in the Underground and couldn’t do anything. My body atoned for those periods of weakness by taking it all out on this one boy a grade above me. 

I can remember the words I spat at him and his friends. I’ll kick you till your blood paints my shoes. I’ll show you who you call an Underground rat. This is the Underground! Are you happy now? Isn’t this what you wanted?! Stop yelling for help, it isn’t coming!  It took Jonas and the two other friends to hold me back, as well as a teacher seeing from outside his window. The only saving grace was that no student saw it happen as they had caught Jonas in a corner. Therefore, when those three boys went to their class and said something, no one believed him. I was too small and never spoke. Ben came, took one look at my dilated eyes, and knew right away what happened. The instant he looked at me, the guilt came flooding through. I realized what I did to that boy. I realized what was happening in these past few months. While the headmaster was threatening to throw me out, I cried probably for the first time in front of Jonas.

I made him promise. 

“You made me promise that if you were ever starting to go back to how you were in the Underground, that I’d have to stop you before it was too late, and here I am.” I deflated when he said that, because I knew it was completely true. Recollecting the feelings I felt back then, way back then, it felt exactly like now. I felt hopeless, alone, lost. The only difference was that I was waiting for someone to come back and take those emotions away. 

“Jonas,” maybe it was a plea for him to stop talking. If he kept going, I’d break.

“You’re going back, Eva. I heard what happened with the Garrison Captain. Even if he deserved it, it’s not like you to break someone’s nose. That coupled with the fact that everyone in Trost is coming up to ask me why you look like you’re always in pain… Eva, I’m still not over what we talked about before, but that doesn’t matter when you’re spiraling back into the girl from the Underground who lets no one care for her. Who only lets one person care for her and when they’re gone she shuts down completely.” I clenched my fists again, feeling exactly like the girl in the school corner that day, but now instead of anger, I was about to collapse.

“What’s wrong? Why do you feel like this? Is it all because of him?” His voice was soft, like it used to be. Those nights when he would comfort me from a nightmare came back into my mind. He would always know the right things to say to make me feel better. He would say the things that didn’t make me feel like I was that helpless girl back in the Underground who had to kill to stay alive. Would that make me feel better now? 

“I…” I took a deep breath, trying to give myself a chance. A chance to speak. A chance to feel something other than sadness. 

“I…” I looked up at him again, his eyes pleading for me to continue. This was exactly like before. I was afraid to share what I was thinking, knowing how awful it was, just for it to culminate and me trying to kill a boy. I was afraid. I wanted Levi to come back. If he was back, I wouldn’t be afraid of what might happen if he doesn’t come back. 

“It’s because of him.” I felt weak when I said that, and it didn’t help that my legs felt like they were about to collapse. Jonas saw this. He saw how I was about to fall over from something and he came over quickly, sitting me down on the couch while he sat on top of the coffee table. His hand was on top of my knee. For once, I wasn’t shying away from human contact. The human contact that I needed because I was reverting back. Yes, I needed Jonas right now. I regretted letting him stay away for so long. Again, I was being selfish. So selfish. What did he think about this contact? 

“It’s fine to feel like this about someone you love, Eva.” I was hurting Jonas now, not just me. This is why I didn’t want to share my emotions in the first place. I was burdening him because he had to comfort me about someone he didn’t like. About someone he wanted to be. The fight we had was coming back in my head too. I put my head in my hands, trying to push it back. I was on overdrive. 

“Eva, what’s wrong?” His voice stayed soft, regardless of how I was acting. Yet, his eyes were gaining intensity as I seemed to be getting worse. 

“Jonas, I’m hurting you.” His grip tightened on my knee just a little bit. 

“No you aren’t, Eva. Right now, I’m trying to make sure my best friend is okay. You’re hurting.” With that, I took my hands off of my head and looked up at the ceiling. He called me his best friend. Like before. Best friend. How had I gone months without having Jonas to rely on like I used to? Maybe that was the difference this time. Before when Levi was gone, I confided in Jonas. I told him if I was sad. He knew when I woke up in tears to some nightmare. Now, I had forcibly removed myself from him and from everyone else. I had no one to turn to. Is that why this time hurt so much more? 

“I miss him, Jonas, and I want him back. I’m frustrated that the government made him do this, but on the other hand I don’t care about the refugees. I want him to come back. I’m a horrible person. I made bread for them. I handed them soup and talked to them like they were friends. Now here I am, not caring about them, not even one bit. I felt sad when I read what was happening, but was I sad for them, or was I sad that we as a society have gotten to the point that we have to sacrifice thousands of people to survive?” He didn’t move from his seat on the table like he normally would, but as soon as I got that out, it felt a little better. I didn’t mind the small tears that fell on my face, and he just nodded in agreement with what I said. It was just like before. 

“I think that’s normal to do when you love someone. You don’t care about the others around them, you care just about them. It’s also good that you recognize your thinking is bad. It would be worse if you felt like that and had no remorse.” 

“I think about it sometimes. What you said. I sit up at night and stare at the wall, thinking about in five years, will I be in the exact same spot? Can I wait that long for him? That makes me feel awful too. All he does is fight to protect us, and I’m being selfish. I’m so selfish.” He shook his head and I lowered my head to look at him. 

“Eva, you know what you’re feeling is all normal, right? You love him, but can you keep hurting yourself like this for the sake of love? Sorry, I know I told you I wasn’t going to talk about your relationship.” I just shrugged at him and leaned forward to rest my head in my hands again. I wiped off some tears too. It was a miracle I wasn’t sobbing at this point, but maybe before I was sobbing because I had no one to say all of this to. 

“Are you saying that still hoping I’ll break up with him and come to you?” I wanted him to say it. Just because he was coming to talk to me as my friend doesn’t mean he was thinking that when standing outside of my door, gaining the courage to knock. 

“Right now, I’m thinking about what will make you not feel horrible. Am I considering the possibility of what you said? Yes, but I’ve had four-ish months to work through my feelings.” I nodded, not wanting to push him further. 

“Is that all you’ve been feeling this whole time?” 

“I have nightmares of him dying. I wake up and my heart is racing, I’m crying, but I know he isn’t dead. Still, it’s scary to see that in front of me every night. I don’t think I’ve slept more than three hours in a night since he left. Then, I tell myself throughout the day to not think about it and serve the customers, but I can’t help it. I’ve started picking at my hands again, even with the lotion. It’s anxiety, I know it is. I’m anxious about his condition, and then I get anxious when I think I’m starting to think about him again because it makes me anxious. It’s a vicious cycle. I only allow myself to think about it completely at night before I go to bed. That’s probably why I have such horrible nightmares about it too.”

“And I wasn’t here, too.” I just nodded, knowing that I’d have to draw that boundary with him once I asked him to stay tonight. He probably came here hoping for it too. I’d have him sleep on the couch like he always does, but I won’t allow him to come in my room. 

“I couldn’t tell Ben because… I don’t know, I just felt if I told him things about the refugee’s he’d judge me. I care about them and how many of them make it back, but I care more about Levi and his well being. If only Levi came back, just one person, I’d be happy. It’d be such a smack in the face to the refugee kids and families, but I’d walk around Trost happy. I can’t believe I can say that, especially when I just fed and gave clothing to three refugee kids whose families probably went to fight the titans.” I groaned and lifted my legs up on the couch so I could put my head in between my knees. 

“He’s just worried about you, Eva. That’s all. He tells me everyday too, but when he came back today and told me what you said to him, that’s when I knew I had to come here and keep my promise. You told him that you weren’t going to tell him. Not now and not with you. He was just afraid that something awful happened like before.” 

“Something awful did happen.” Jonas just nodded, agreeing again with me. He probably thought Levi was the awful thing. 

“Thank you for telling me. Thank you for letting me in. Like before. We’re going to go back to before. If not for myself, for you. You need people around you, Eva. It hurts me seeing you walk around Trost with absolutely no life in your eyes. I couldn’t look at you at dinner because I couldn’t face the fact that… It took me four months to realize that my feelings don’t matter when you’re dying inside. If anyone was being selfish, it was me. It took this much for me to realize that, and I apologize.” That made me feel some form of warmth in my heart. For the first time in months. His apology, gaining my friend back, it made me feel something other than sadness. That’s what made the tears flow even heavier, but my head was between my knees so he couldn’t see it. I’d finally started to feel again. It was an indication that I wasn’t reverting back to my inhuman ways. I just nodded and accepted his apology. 

“C-can you stay? Tonight?” This made his smile grow even wider. It was just like before. Of course, there would be rules and lines that weren’t able to be crossed now, but I knew he deemed it worth it. I did too. 

“Yeah, just give me a better blanket than last time.” His lighthearted voice made me feel a little better. Maybe tonight, I would cry only a little bit for Levi.

“If… I-If I have nightmares, I’ll just - yeah, I’ll just come out here?” It shouldn’t have been a suggestion, but even so he agreed to it, knowing why I said that. I also remembered Levi’s reaction to when I told him what Jonas did to comfort me. It did cross a line from friend to something else in Levi and Jonas’ eyes. It made sense too. We weren’t twelve and the room in my bed that was once there for Jonas had been taken up, or well, will be taken up soon by Levi. I couldn’t let someone else take his spot that easily. 

I stood up to go to sleep, knowing that’s what my body wanted. My body also wanted to leave Jonas before I started really crying. It was only a few minutes until the emotion of all the words I said came too. It was always delayed. I’d write my log entry and it would be five minutes until I’d cry. I’d read Levi’s letters over and over again and then a few minutes later, the tears would fall and dampen the paper. I knew the same would happen here, too. 

“Goodnight, Jonas.” He smiled up at me again from the couch, having the heavier blanket this time. 

“Night, Ev. This feels right, like it should be. Just don’t snore, yeah?” I wasn’t ready to smile at people yet, so I just nodded. That made his smile drop too. It was going to take more than a vague heart-to-heart for me to feel okay again. 

“Eva, I know I wasn’t going to say stuff like this bu-” I closed my eyes and cut him off. 

“Just say it. Don’t hide things anymore, that’s what got us in this mess.”

“Is it worth being with him if every time he’s away, you fall into a hole so deep you can’t pull yourself out? Is the love worth the pain?” That one hurt and the delayed tears were making their way up. I felt ashamed to close the door without giving him some type of reassuring answer. He knew I was going to cry. The walls were thin and he heard it. He would always hear it. That made me feel worse. I took one step forward and then took that same one back. 

Jonas came tonight. Just now. I felt like I had to add that in for you so you didn’t find it annoying when he was back when you come back. I realized that this time was worse because I shut myself out from everyone else. Before, those six months, he was there. No matter how much you might hate it, he’s someone I can talk to. I can freely share my emotions when you’re not there. Do you have someone like that too? Hange? Erwin? I hope you do, because I’ve realized I can’t do this alone. Don’t worry, he’s on the couch and I told him not to come in here either. I have to keep this spot warm for you. If you come back tomorrow, you have to hold me to sleep. No exceptions.

Chapter Fourteen →

Chapter Masterlist

[xiaoderys]

❝ Saturated Sunrise ❞ (l.dh, n.jm)

DISCONTINUED

pairing: haechan x reader, jaemin x reader

genre: crack, fluff, angst, possible smut

soulmate!au, college!au, social media!au mixed with narrative (in future chapters)

warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive with possible smut in future chapters

word count: 1.2k (this is only the prologue so future chapters will definitely be much longer~)

parts: prologue character profile, I

synopsis: you gradually lose your ability to see colors as you fall out of love with donghyuck

you were red and you liked me because I was blue. but you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky. then you decided purple just wasn’t for you.

A/N: <the italicized texts are y/n’s thoughts~> I highly suggest that you guys pay attention to the tiniest details because they can be much more meaningful in the future than you think. Feel free to ask questions if you’re confused about something🤗 this is my first proper au so constructive criticism is welcomed~

prologue

One month in uni, you’d think you’d know your way around the place by now, but unfortunately for you, this was the third time you’ve passed the equestrian statue that stood in front of the grand concert hall and you start to realize that you were probably going in circles

without giving it much thought, you started to walk towards the marble statue, admiring every edge and curve. you’ve always had the sense of interest in the classic aesthetics; looking at the golden plaque, it read ‘Lee Taeyong’— you observed his face, it looked so perfectly sculpted, no human could’ve possibly existed looking like that, right?

as you were lost in your thoughts and have completely forgotten about where you were headed, the mellow sound of a piano being played, softly rang through your ears and like a lost puppy that just got a sniff of some treats, you followed it into the building

you slowly opened one of the doors which lead you to the back of the stage and roamed a bit until you ended up on the main stage, you peeked from behind the curtains and there.. there he sat in all his glory; actually you didn’t really know who he was as his back was facing you but as far you could tell, his hair was dark? his broad shoulders stood tall and he was definitely well-built, he didn’t look like someone you knew though

you were dazed by every single note he played and even felt a bit nostalgic hearing the song yet you just couldn’t quite figure out where you’ve heard it before

you stayed there for a good couple of minutes, just listening to him play and admiring his physique. you couldn’t leave even if you wanted to— your legs wouldn’t move; he just had a way of playing that made you want to listen to him forever.

and then he stopped- “I know you’re there, you can come out now” your eyes widened at the sudden statement

is he talking to me ??? and out of panic, you blurted out a quick “no, I’m not!”

he sighed and turned around, arms crossed on his chest. “Come out now, stalker, those curtains haven’t been cleaned in years” okay, so that’s why I’ve been trying to suppress probably ten sneezes for the past few minutes now

“How’d you know I was here?!”

“Why were you stalking me?”

“I wasn’t stalking you!”

“Really now? You’ve been staring at me play for the past 10 minutes behind those curtains, I’m pretty sure that’s called stalking, babe”

“I wasn’t stalking you, I was just- I was picking up my-“ you looked around for something and- “saxophone!”

you walked over to the sax and as you were picking it up he leaned his back on the piano with one of his brows raised “play something for me then”

“hmm?”

“You watched me play the piano, isn’t it only fair that you play for me too?”

“uh, I can’t- I uh don’t have my lucky socks on”

“what’s that got to do with anything?”

“well you know how it is with us musicians and our lucky socks haha”

He raised his brows, not feeding into a single grain of your obvious lie. “Okay fine but I’m a little rusty today”

He wasn’t fond of the lying but he did find it rather amusing how committed you were so he just lightly smiled and waited.

You wiped the mouthpiece, silently praying that whoever owns it doesn’t have herpes or something but you were committed now so there’s no going back.

“Do you have any song request?”

“Not really, just play whatever you want”

You thought for a short moment and the only song you knew that’s played on the sax is— Careless Whisper. You put your handkerchief over the mouthpiece because- hygiene, and started to play more like tried to but as soon as you blew your first note, you both knew you were done for.

He didn’t even let you finish the first verse before cutting you off “figures”

“someone probably messed with it, I have to reshape the holes and all that” reshape the holes??? huhhh y/n, what is wrong with you?

“mhmm”

he stood up and walked over to you then picked up the saxophone case from beside you, revealing the name of the owner “okay then miss.. Mark Lee, you’re very committed to your lie, I applaud that but unfortunately you’re quite bad at it”

“Why? What’s wrong with my name? You’re sexist? You don’t think girls can be named Mark? Is that it? Wow I didn’t expect that from someone who looks so-”

“Woah calm down, babe, I never said any of those things but what I am saying is that I’m friends with a little someone called Mark Lee who owns the exact same sax as yours so you tell me”

“uhh common name?” you laughed nervously but he gave you a stern look, telling you to just give it up but you brought this upon yourself so you just— bolted.

but it really wasn’t your day because before you could run, he stopped you in your tracks by putting both his arms on the wall behind you, trapping you between his arms

you didn’t get the chance to actually take a good look at him before but now, he’s only a few inches away from your face and you swore you couldn’t breathe.

he wasn’t bad looking at all. his hair was a bit long and some even fall on his brows, his eye color was dark as far as you could tell and he had those really pretty lashes that fluttered every time he blinked. his lips weren’t the fullest nor the thinnest yet they were dry and chapped. his face looks so softly sculpted but his striking eyes and sharp eyebrows contradicted his soft features. it wasn’t only his way with the piano that made you stay, he had this charm and beauty that can hold anyone captive— “you’re already falling in love with me, aren’t you?”

“what the- no!” you snapped out of whatever that was “I was just looking at your chapped lips, they’re so dry, I thought I was in the Sahara desert for second there”

“ouch! hurtful but true” he chuckled “doesn’t excuse the fact that you were daydreaming of me though”

you just wanted to get out of there so you bumped his forehead with your own and when he winced in pain and let his arms fall, you quickly ran out of there

you ran as quick as possible with some guys saxophone in hand which you didn’t realize you were still holding.

as soon as the music hall was out of sight, you settled down and thought about what you’re gonna do with this stolen sax;

are they gonna conduct a search for it? am I gonna be known as the sexy saxophone thief ?? wait, that dude saw me! well now he knows the face of the culprit, dumbass! noooo I’m too pretty to be jailed😭😭

you sighed and decided to just return it tomorrow and proceeded to go to where you were headed earlier. you checked your phone for the time and that whole shenanigans apparently took about half an hour and you were late for your study date.

y/n, why do you get yourself into these kinds of situations?

[zuzu-hotman]

Ready To Love Pt.2 [[Zuko]]

Pairing: Zuko x Female!Reader

Warnings: More angst??? Dark-ish imagery?

A/N: Uh so I got asks for more??? I want you all to know most of my works are angst- but I live for good ends so dw (; I’ll link the first part after posting bc tungle is dumb. Anyways, probably gonna do a third cause there’s a bit more I want to do with this and I don’t want too much at once <3

Pt.1

“ Hᴇʏ, ᴡɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴏʟᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ?”

Seeing him again was like adding salt to deep wounds- rubbing the coarse grains deep into gashes, open and bleeding. You kind of hated that it hurt so bad- you were supposed to be over it. You were supposed to be completely done with him. With all remnants of him. His choice was clear- the truth was laid out bare for your eyes to see.

He was not who you thought he was. He was not the Zuko you knew in your mind- and maybe he never was.

No one who had once worn a kind smile could look like he did that day, right? There was no way someone like that could just... lose all sense of themselves? That look he held- the crazed fire in his eyes.. how those flames should have touched you- burned you. Perhaps Zuko was not as skilled as Azula. He didn’t bend the way she did, but that didn’t make him any less powerful. He had good aim- he knew you’d find it hard to even try to make an attack on him. He could’ve used that against you- it’s what Azula would have done.

You assumed that if he could so easily turn into Azula’s direction.. he’d be able to be as cruel as her. That he’d use your weakness to him against you. You felt the heat of his flames, you knew they could have scorched you. You weren’t that accustomed to fighting yet. For a long time you had suppressed your bending- scared of what it might bring you and what it meant for your future.

You came to regret that eventually. You could have told your parents- your Father could have shown you so much..

Fate was absolutely cruel- you firmly believed this now. She had no right to harm you like this- to drag you through the mud, already beaten down and tired.

She allowed him the chance to be in this group. You wanted to object, violently so. It wasn’t your place to though. Your personal ties to him had no place stopping him from teaching Aang about fire bending. The Avatar needed to know all four elements to bring balance. It was important to Aang’s journey and to putting an end to this long war.

That didn’t make you despise it any less. Hatred or anger- which was it you felt?

“Please talk to me..”

His quiet plea fell upon your ears in the dead of night, long after everyone else had retired to their own spaces. You had suspected he’d find his way to you soon- someway or somehow. With no one else around to bear witness. You hated how you froze in place- how all that anger just fizzled into nothing at the sound of him. So sad- so lonely. You were his only link to his former self, to who he should have become. A tiny string stuck on it’s last thin thread. You didn’t know that however. t’s not as if that was his only reason for reaching for you like this, and that you didn’t know of as well. You were in the dark on his feelings.

As you assumed you always had been.

“___, please..”, he whispers once more when he gets no response.

You make sure to keep your breathing even, to not move at all. Give him an inch and he’d probably take miles. Miles upon miles- stretch you until you break into tiny pieces. Yet some small pieces would still yearn- crave for what your brain told you not to. 

You hear his breath hitch a bit, as if he’s fighting back overpowering emotions- him? The glorious crown prince who had slain the Avatar? The prince who turned a blind eye to you, to his good Uncle? The audacity- and yet you felt no actual anger. Not when he spoke.

“I- I’m so-- ___ I’m so sorry. I know that’s not enough. I know it will never be enough- I was wrong. I did everything so wrong and Uncle- I’m sure he hates me. I’m sure you do too. I never meant- I thought it was my destiny to.. to.. capture him. For my honor and my nation. I thought I was right and..”, he takes in a shaky breath. You’re glad you can’t see him. His face just might break you. “I hurt you. I hurt Uncle. I-I made you not trust me- I disappeared and I never responded to any of your letters- I still have them I- I don’t know.. I don’t have a reason or any excuse I just.. please. Please at least talk to me- say something! Anything! I’ve missed you- I was miserable- it’s not home.. not without you. I made mistakes even there I.. even she told me that I was wrong.. even..” and he trails off, gaining no response.

Little did he know he was close to getting one. She? He didn’t mean Azula.. he would have said her name. You hated how your chest burned- what mistakes could he make there? At home? No- not home. Not your home.

“...You’re sleeping.. I hope. I almost got loud. I’m..”, he sucks in a breath, “Okay. Another time.”

You choose to ignore the way he sniffs- knowing all too well it meant he’d shed tears. If you acknowledge it, you know what may happen. You know how it’d go- how weak you’d be. This isn’t how it should be, you should be able to ignore him without batting an eye. He should be able to just let you go. He’d already done so. What was the use in this? Hadn’t he decided already, who he was or at the least who you were to him?

Clearly nothing-

You let out a heavy breath, almost shudderingly so when you hear his footsteps fade away. You clench your eyes shut, banishing any trace of wetness from your eyes. No no no- you would not cry. Not again, and not anymore. Remember how he looked- remember those crazed eyes and harsh blasts of fire. Remember and hold it- no apology could fix it. Not so simply. It would take much more than words because.. you weren’t sure your aching heart could take much more of it..

Morning came quickly, with no remorse to any who had not slept in her absence. Specifically to you or Zuko. Luckily enough, you hid it well enough. Zuko? Not so much. Clearly he looked like he’d had a fitful sleep.

Hmph-

“Wow. I didn’t know it was possible for you to look even angrier than usual.”, Sokka pipes up, already at his usual antics of antagonizing the newest group member.

“Shut. Up.”, Zuko hisses in response, causing Aang and Toph to laugh a bit at his expense.

“You really should sleep. Set a good example for your new student.”

“I said shut up.”

“He is kinda right, you know.”, Toph adds in, “It’s not good to be up so late.”

Zuko freezes for a moment, but says nothing else. You’d almost forgotten- Toph was very attuned to the earth. Of course she’d know if anyone was up and moving. The only thing to question was if she’d heard him. At the time though, there would be no answer to it. He wouldn’t ask and she didn’t seem keen on pressing the issue. No one else was aware either. So it just faded into silence, not spoken of. It was replaced by Zuko barking at Aang that it was time to start his training.

“I lost my stuff.”, he says it so plainly. Uninvited and without any context.

“Wasn’t me.”

Zuko makes a face, “No I mean my bending- I don’t know I..”

You decide to tune him out, spacing away from his frustration and Katara’s laughter. Was he really that out of it? He suddenly couldn’t bend? What a load of garbage. If he expected you to feel bad, you didn’t. Not even the slightest. Serves him right for the look he gave you when he learned of your bending. When he saw the element of fire was not in you to control, but-

“___” , He speaks your name softly.

You look up to where he stands, a few feet away. You hadn’t noticed everyone else had already gone to bed. It was just you and him and the dwindling fire between you.

“I-”

“Goodnight.”, you say, starting to stand up, brushing your legs off.

“Wait-”, he gently grabs the sleeve of your shirt but you push his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” You don’t look at him- you can’t. You must remain strong- don’t do what you did in Ba Sing Se. Don’t fall into that hole a second time..

“At least hear me out- get mad all you want. Scream at me- hit me I don’t care just-”

“I’m not going to do that. You made your bed. Lie in it.”

“I did, you’re right. I did and I’m so-”

“Don’t apologize. Teach Aang bending. I’m not a part of this- none of them know I knew you, which clearly I didn’t. I never did. I know you as this guy I bumped into in Ba Sing Se. This guy that I thought I was nice and had a good heart but I guess I misjudged. Maybe he just feels guilty or that apologizing to me might right his wrongs or whatever. If this is your way of getting them to trust you more, I’ll allow it. Anything to help Aang.”, you speak as calmly as you can. Not sparing a glance, “You already made your choices- you already let me go so just-”

“I don’t want to let you go though- I never wanted to. I just- I thought I was right. I thought that.. you’d come home. I thought that that was still home. I was wrong. I was so wrong-”

“Yet you still stayed, huh?”, you say, bitterly now, “You had a little life out there- you had your glory. Had the nation at your feet. The crown prince who slayed the-”

“I’m not that person! I never was!”

“You seemed to think you were! You acted the part! You were there for well over a month!”, you looked at him now, eyes burning, “You weren’t sorry enough to come back earlier! You didn’t think enough- you didn’t care enough! You were gone for three years! You never replied- I lost my Father! I lost what I thought was home and you weren’t there! I find you in Ba Sing Se- acting like no time had passed! Like we never grew apart! You talk to me like you still knew me, like you still cared! Yet you still chose to do what you did!”

He’d shrunk back a bit, shocked at the bass in your voice- how heavily it weighed on him. He didn’t know you felt all that. He had no idea..

“Your Father-?”

“Don’t.”, you hiss, quieting down, now aware you might have stirred the others from their sleep, “Don’t even. Don’t come to me with any apologies unless you really mean it- unless you’re ready to tell all you have to tell. I’m done with secrets and lies. Good night.”

You walk off now, leaving him to stand by the dying fire. His hand feels cold- his chest aches- your Father? That man he’d seen love you so happily- the home that was worn down but well loved? Gone? How had you suffered so without him even knowing- what had happened to you in his absence?

Why hadn’t he even thought of it?

How did he manage to screw up a screw up?

Zuko groaned to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, “...what would Uncle have me do- what’s right..”

How to salvage this mess?

“Mʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ɪs ᴀ sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋs ғʟᴏᴏʀ..”

Pt.3

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

[does-this-look-logicality-to-you]

Ordinary

words: 3256 universe: human AU characters: Patton, Logan, Poman pairings: romantic Logicality, platonic Royality warnings: angst, crying, kissing (which i’m not very good at writing in the first place) a/n: this is a sequel to “little miss perfect”, an absolutely wonderful fic written by an absolutely wonderful person, @katlikethesword​. this is my first songfic, and my first time writing a kissing scene, so i hope it’s okay. enjoy!

I notice how she looks at me, but I pretend that I don’t see. It’s easier if I let the tension subside. It had been three months since Patton had last spoken to Logan. It tore at his heart every time he saw his friend avoiding his gaze, averting his eyes whenever they met Patton’s. He missed Logan horribly; after all, he had always considered the intelligent boy to be one of his best friends. Patton often wondered if Logan hated him. After the last time they’d spoken, he wouldn’t be surprised. He’d moved much too quickly, and had made a fool of himself. As usual.

I’ve seen it in the books I read, a magic that you cannot see. There’s no limitations, they wear it with pride. Patton was standing by his locker, getting ready for his next class. His eyes fell on a drawing he had attached to the door of Steven and Connie from Steven Universe. Roman had drawn this for him as a gift for his last birthday, a very nice drawing that had taken him days to complete. Patton stopped for a moment. They looked so happy together, without a care in the world. He couldn’t help but wish he and Logan could be like that again, like they used to— whether he wanted their relationship to be platonic or not, he wasn’t sure. Still, why couldn’t it be that easy?

But the characters I read never act or look like me. I can’t depend on them to lead me through the right door. Suddenly, Patton felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He spun around and, to his delight, there was Logan. “Logan!” His voice was probably about five times as loud as it had to be, but he didn’t care at all. Logan was talking to him again! By his own free will!  “I’ve missed you! Where have you been?” “I’ve still been in school, Patton. I’m legally obligated to be here, after all.” Logan gave Patton one of his rare, genuine smiles, making his heart do a flip in his chest. “That’s a good point. So what’s up?” Patton asked him. “Well, I actually wanted to ask you if you would like to come to my house tomorrow night? My parents will be out of town, and I figured it would be a good time to reconnect.” Hold the phone. Logan wasn’t mad at him? He wanted to see him? And spend time with him? “That sounds perfect, Lo! I’ll absolutely be there.” He beamed up at his friend and was rewarded with another smile. “Good to hear. I’ll see you then.”

And what’s the point of falling when I know I’m only stalling? For the rest of the day, Patton could hardly focus in class. His thoughts all went back to Logan, Logan, Logan. What had prompted him to invite him over? Why had he stayed away for so long? What was going to happen that night? Was it going to be awkward, after what had happened before? Were they going to be alone, or were there going to be other people there? This went on for the rest of the day, which meant that he had hardly thought about anything else. After the last class of the day had ended, Roman was waiting at the door. “Hey, Pat. You okay? You’ve been kinda zoned out all day.” “Oh, yeah, I’m- I’m fine!” Patton replied cheerfully. “Just… got a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Roman gave a knowing smirk as the two of them started heading out of the building. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain nerd, would it?” “What?” Patton let out an awkward laugh. “I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about!” “Uh-huh. Okay, sure. It’s not like I saw him talking to you in the hall earlier or anything. For the first time in months. What was that all about?” “Nothing!” “Looked like a little more than nothing.” “He just asked if I could come over tomorrow.” They reached the building’s exit. Patton held the door for Roman as he passed. “It’s not that big a deal, he’s my friend.” “Yeah, because friends ignore each other for three months, and then suddenly invite them over out of the blue.” Patton went silent for a moment. “It’s… It’s complicated.” “Whatever you say, Padre,” Roman chuckled. “I’ll text you the notes when I get home, okay?” “Thanks, Roman. I really appreciate that.” “No problem.” Roman started toward the school parking lot. “You driving home?” Patton shook his head. “I’m walking today. It wasn’t my turn to take the car this morning.” “I can drive you home, if you want.” “No, that’s okay. I can walk.” “It’s really no problem. C’mon, hop in.” Patton opened his mouth to object, but Roman was already opening the door and pushing him into the passenger seat. Patton buckled his seatbelt as his friend went around the car, got into the passenger seat, and turned on the engine. “You know where I live, right?” “‘Course I do.” “Really? You sure you won’t get lost.” “Patton, I’ve been to your house dozens of times. I know exactly where you live.” Roman buckled his seatbelt and backed out of the parking spot. “So, what’re you gonna wear tomorrow night?” “Probably the same thing I’m wearing to school that day.” Roman shook his head as he left the school parking lot and turned right. “No, absolutely not. You’ve gotta look nice! This is your first date!” “It’s not a date!” “Did he invite you over?” “Yeah, but—” “Is anyone else gonna be there?” “I dunno. I don’t think so.” “It’s totally a date. So you need to wear something nice. What about that skirt you got last weekend? The light blue one, with the cats on it?” “Do you think he’ll like it?” “Oh, he’s gonna love it.” Their conversation went on like this for a while. Patton found it refreshing to talk about his feelings with Roman without anyone else around to hear. Soon enough, Roman arrived at Patton’s house. Patton got out of the car and onto the sidewalk by his house. “Bye, Pat!” Roman called, rolling his window down. “I’ll see ya tomorrow!” Patton  waved goodbye. “Bye!” With that, Roman drove away. Patton sighed and, dragging his feet, trudged to the front door of his house.

‘Cause I have to go back home… where I’m just one in the herd, tripping over my words, trying hard to go with the grain, keeping the quirks in my brain. As usual, Patton received no acknowledgement upon entering his house. His mom was on the phone, likely talking to one of her clients, and his dad was playing outside with his two little sisters. This didn’t surprise him; nobody in his family ever greeted him when he got home. Sighing, Patton headed up to his room, throwing his backpack down on the floor and laying on his bed. He took out his phone and opened Tumblr, scrolling absent-mindedly.

I’m on the brink of discovery I think, but what if I’m dreaming? That’s what it seems like. Logan hardly left Patton’s mind the rest of the night. His head buzzed with endless questions for his classmate, none of which he would dare ask. Why had he invited Patton over? Why was he only now expressing a desire to rekindle their friendship, after avoiding him for so long? Patton knew he should probably resent Logan for acting as if he didn’t exist. After all, he wasn’t sure he had done anything wrong. Had he? Maybe he had, and he just didn’t remember. After all, he did have a pretty lousy memory. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to be upset with Logan. He couldn’t help it; he cared too much for him to harbor any hard feelings. He instead felt relief that Logan hadn’t given up on their friendship, alongside a giddy kind of excitement for the next night. He loved all of his friends, of course, but there was something different about Logan. The way he listened intently to Patton’s ramblings no matter how absurd they were, the subtle smile that crossed his face when he was amused by Patton’s ridiculous puns and not wanting to admit it, the way he went off on tangents about the things that interested him. All of these little things, to which nobody else seemed to notice, were what made Logan special. All of a sudden, Patton felt a twist of fear in his chest. What if tomorrow went horribly wrong? What if this was some kind of elaborate joke? What if he messed up somehow, and made Logan hate him all over again? Patton shook his head to clear it. Everything would be fine. It had to be.

‘Cause this girl thinks I’m part of her world, and that new territory’s scary. If I turn the handle, am I asking for a scandal? Patton stood at the door, fidgeting with his skirt. The same worries that had swarmed in his head the night before remained all throughout the day, no matter how hard he’d tried to ignore them. Finally, after hours of waiting and worrying and wondering, he was standing on Logan’s front porch. He took a deep breath, smoothed out his shirt, and rang the doorbell. Almost immediately, the door swung open, and Logan was standing in front of him. The sight of Patton seemed to take him off guard, opening and closing his mouth as if searching for the right words. Patton broke the silence. “Whaddya think, Lo?” he asked, swishing his skirt a little. “I saw it had cats on it and I knew I had to get it immediately.” “You look… magnificent. I mean gorgeous! No, I mean good! You look good, Patton.” He couldn’t help but giggle. He’d always found it endearing when Logan got all flustered like this. “I know what you mean, don’t worry. Thanks!” Logan moved out of his way, and Patton stepped inside. “Make yourself at home.” He followed the other boy into the living room and sat down on the couch.

Should I try to be ordinary? “So… what do you wanna do?” Patton asked, feeling a bit awkward. “It’s up to you. You’re my guest, after all.” “Yeah, I guest that’s true,” he cracked with a goofy grin. Logan rolled his eyes, groaning. “You haven’t been here for a minute and you’re already making puns?” “Aww, c’mon, you gotta admit, they’re pretty pun-derful!” Despite his dramatic eye-roll, Patton didn’t miss the soft laugh that escaped Logan’s lips, making his heart skip a beat. Baaah!

I’ve always been a little odd, the only pea inside the pod. That’s not an expression, I’m guessing, oh well. Before long, the two were going about their night as if nothing had changed. Logan had ordered a pizza— Patton had offered to pay multiple times but he had insisted on it being “his treat”— and they ate their dinner on the couch, watching Steven Universe. Logan had nestled between Patton’s legs, Patton’s arms draped around him. A peculiar sight for many, but it wasn’t that unusual for them. Patton was a naturally affectionate person, and Logan didn’t seem to mind his cuddly tendencies. When the episode ended, Patton was struck with an idea.

“Let me braid your hair!” he blurted without thinking. See, that’s exactly what I mean! I’m just as awkward as I seem! Plus she makes me nervous, I hope she can’t tell. Embarrassment flooded over him. What a stupid thing to stay! He hadn’t been prompted by anything, they hadn’t even said much at all, and here he was suggesting something Logan surely thought was childish! “What?” “Let me braid your hair! I have two younger sisters, so I know how! Plus I think your hair would look really good braided!” His suggestion may have been stupid, but he couldn’t retract it now. Logan looked as if he was about to object, but, in an act of desperation, Patton broke out his secret weapon: his puppy-dog eyes. “Alright, fine.” Logan’s reluctant response discouraged Patton more than he would like to admit, but he didn’t show it. Instead, he just clapped happily, cheering in triumph. Gosh, he must look so ridiculous! “You’re too tall to do it like this,” he said. “Here, lay down in my lap.” Logan moved to do as he was told, and Patton slipped into the familiar motions of braiding, using his fingers to comb through his silky hair.

What is it she sees in this cluster clump of me? Or, could it maybe be I’m going crazy? And hey, who am I kidding? This isn't some sweet beginning! Just a detour to the end. Then back to the herd, tripping over my words, trying hard to go with the grain, ignoring the quirks in my brain. It didn’t take long for Patton to finish the braid, as Logan’s hair was much shorter than what he was used to. Satisfied with his handiwork, Patton started to lean back. Alarm shot through him as Logan reached up and grasped his shirt. His deep brown eyes met Patton’s. The voice inside his head was yelling at him, urging him to kiss him, kiss him, KISS HIM! I’m on the brink of discovery, I think. “If you’re uncomfortable, please tell me to stop,” Logan breathed, before Patton could do anything. “What? Why would I be uncom—?”

But what if I’m dreaming…? Patton didn’t get to finish his sentence as Logan’s lips met his, moving his hands to Patton’s cheeks. He felt his heart soar as he kissed back, closing his eyes and taking Logan’s face in his own hands as if it had always belonged there. He took in the moment, wanting to remember all of this, as he kissed the boy he loved at last. All of a sudden, Logan pushed him away and dashed out of the room as Patton felt his heart shatter.

Do I rewind, induce amnesia? Pretend I didn’t see her? Succumb to stupid fear? Or just believe in my heart? Patton just sat there, tears rolling down his face, in shock and in disbelief, trying to process what had just happened. That kiss, that small handful of seconds, had felt more perfect, more right, than anything he had ever experienced. But Logan’s reaction… he had been the one to initiate it in the first place, so why did he panic like that? Was it because of Patton? Had he done something wrong? Was he that bad a kisser? When they’d kissed, Logan had seemed so sure in his actions. He had been the one to initiate the kiss in the first place, so why did he run away? If it wasn’t Patton’s fault, then what other reason would there be? Patton sat there, pondering for a while. After what felt like an eternity, Logan returned. Patton looked up at him, and just seeing Logan’s expression made his heart ache. “Lo?” He cringed mentally at how pathetic he sounded. “I’m sorry, Patton. I don’t know what overtook me. Silly impulses, I’m sure. It would be best for both of us if we acted as if this never happened.” Patton blinked back the fresh tears that began to form in his eyes. “Do you not… like me that way? I thought that after what happened in the bathroom, I might actually have a shot with you. I guess not.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I do like you, Patton.” The other boy sat down beside him. “It’s just that the people at school… what will they do if they find out that I’m…?” He trailed off. Patton looked at him. Was that all he was worried about? A handful of other students judging him because he was attracted to men? Why play a part? Why follow the herd? Why not trust in my words? Don’t wanna go with the grain! Why try to make myself plain? I’m on the brink of rediscovery, I think. So what if I’m dreaming? I like the scene that I’m in! “Gay?” he finished for him. “Logan, please don’t start with that,” he pleaded. “Who cares what they think? It’s just high school.” “Yes, but high school leads to college, and college leads to graduate school, and graduate school leads to the rest of our careers.” Logan slumped his shoulders. “I have to be perfect if I want to achieve everything I want to do.” “Logan, no one is going to care who you do or don’t kiss in high school. It won’t affect your future at all, assuming that you and I…” He couldn’t bear the thought of it. “don’t see each other after high school.” They were silent again for a minute. Did Logan really care about his reputation that much? Patton hadn’t realized how important it was to him. More important than friendship or even romance, that he couldn’t tell.

And this girl is a part of this world. The thought of being normal’s far more scary. “No, I… I really do like you a lot, Pat. And if I could, I’d love to try dating you some day. But the others at school—” Patton let out an exasperated noise and leaned forward to kiss Logan again, this time only for a few moments. “Forget about the others at school for a second, Logan! Literally no one will care! Sure, people will spread gossip for a week, but then they’ll move on to some other thing. Think about what you want here, right now.”

I’ll be brave and I’ll be kind. I’ll make a choice and change my mind. I will mess up all the time. They’ll say I’m weird but I’ll be fine. He looked into Logan’s eyes, his exasperation giving way to fondness. “Why did you kiss me?” “Because I’ve wanted to for several years,” he replied without hesitation. “Okay. And do you want to kiss me again?” “Yes, very much so.” Patton forced himself to keep his voice steady as he said, “Then do it.” Logan didn’t argue; he simply leaned toward Patton and lightly pressed his lips to his. “Do you want to kiss me again?” Patton repeated once Logan pulled away, feeling confidence building up inside him. He nodded. “Do it, then.” Again, Logan obeyed, this time letting the kiss last a few seconds longer. Patton couldn’t stop the smirk that spread across his face. “Do you still care about what the others at school will say?” he asked. Logan didn’t answer with words this time. He instead surged forward and once again his lips met Patton’s. Instead of pulling back again, like Patton had expected, Logan held the kiss. Patton moved his tongue ever so gently against Logan’s teeth, and the other parted his lips for entry. Everything was perfect— in Patton’s eyes at least— and neither seemed to want to pull away. When they finally did, Patton found himself on top of Logan. He worried for a moment that Logan would try to pull away again, but he didn’t. “If you want me to stop kissing you, I will,” he told him, smiling softly. “But do you get my point now?” He nodded. “Screw the others.” He moved his hands to his cheeks. “You’re right, it doesn’t matter what they say.” Patton’s smile widened, nodding. Without either saying a word, Logan sat up and kissed him once again. I’ll be anything but ordinary!

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Punch Out Mansion AU

Thought I’d elaborate a little bit on my Punch Out AU where all the WVBA boxers live in a mansion together by giving some background on the characters, like their cliques and lives outside of boxing and other random tidbits I felt like adding. This was all just for fun and is admittedly biased toward/against certain characters, so take it with a grain of salt.

Glass Joe

-Along with boxing, Joe is a photographer.

-Only tried boxing out on a dare and was horrible at it. But he kept trying, insisting he could get at least a few wins. The WVBA liked him so much that when he did get his one win, he was given a place in the minor circuit and is essentially a rite of passage for new challengers.

-No one can really bring themselves to be mean to Joe.

-Sandman learns French from Joe so he can shit talk Little Mac in front of him. Joe also learns English from Sandman and can speak it decently, though he has a noticeable accent.

-His closest friends are Von Kaiser, Sandman, and Little Mac.

-Favourite food is baguettes. (I think that was a little obvious)

-Dog person, pretty social and outgoing.

-Dang good at cooking and baking. Always makes food for the others.

Von Kaiser

-Boxing was Kaiser’s main gig for a while but he’s now out of his prime. He used to be a great boxer in his thirties and was even the champion of the major circuit for a while. However, old age and increased cowardice made him lose more and more until he was only able to defeat Glass Joe to keep his position in the minor circuit.

-Everyone calls him “sir,” some mockingly and others sincerely.

-His english is passable, but he gets certain phrases/words wrong sometimes. Everyone tries to be polite about correcting him.

-Cat person.

-He and Joe are best friends, meaning Kaiser also hangs around Sandman and Mac.

-Plays video games just because the ‘kids’ wanted him to do it. His favourite is NES Mario.

-A bit of a dad to the group, being the oldest.

Disco Kid

-Also started boxing because someone dared him and stuck with it because he wanted the exposure for his disco dancing career. Out of all of them, he is the newest to boxing. (Apart from Little Mac, of course)

-Often wears leotards.

-Dances around the house with headphones on a lazy day.

-He and Don Flamenco are best friends and often play Just Dance (their favourite game) competitively.

-They both also hang out with Great Tiger. (Cuz they’re divas)

-Disco Kid is also a famous TikToker.

-He and Don worked together to make:  “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.” Where they basically make fun of King Hippo.

-Dog Person

-Can’t cook at all.

King Hippo

-Nobody knows his real name so they just call him “Hippo.”

-Favourite food is all.

-Doc Louis shares some chocolate bars with him.

-King Hippo’s son, Prince Potamus took over the throne “temporarily” when King Hippo left for boxing. Now that it’s been a year, people are questioning whether he will ever return to his home island.

-He can’t hold a controller, much less play video games. However, he does wreck everyone at Swordplay in Wii Sports Resort. Nobody can figure out how, but they can’t manage to beat him.

-Just eats everything raw without preparing it.

Piston Hondo

-Does martial arts professionally like Karate and Boxing and shit. He is also new to boxing, and was offered directly by a WVBA person after they saw one of his martial arts demonstrations. Hondo accepted and did some training before starting his boxing career. He fights anyone who challenges him, which is why he hasn’t passed his position, he hasn’t had a chance to challenge anyone himself.

-He speaks very slowly in English in order to get all the words right. It is slow, but proper.

-Pretty much everyone from Major Circuit and onward arm wrestle with Little Mac. Hondo tries to regulate the arm wrestles the best he can. (It needs to be a fair fight!)

-Favourite food is sushi. (I think this is kinda canon, but whatever)

-Piston Hondo and Little Mac train together. Their morning jog is outrunning the bullet train.

-Hondo and Doc Louis are the “dads” of the group and are the most responsible.

-Everyone kind of respects him, even the higher ranks.

-He’s not really a gamer, but he likes Ace Attorney.

-Almost exclusively cooks food from his home country, going off of recipes from his childhood.

Bear Hugger

-Apart from boxing, he is a lumberjack.

-He challenged everyone in the minor circuit and won, but couldn’t defeat Hippo. So he just decided to challenge the first major circuit person, who at the time wasn’t Hondo because Hondo only has one loss.

-Loves camping but none of the others ever want to go. (Aran Ryan might go to prank him.)

-He keeps his squirrel as a pet. One of the others has to take care of it while he’s out. (Hondo or Doc usually offer)

-Favourite food is maple syrup. (Also kinda canon)

-He’s pretty chill with everyone and content to go with the flow most of the time.

-Mobile gamer. He’s really dedicated to PvZ in particular.

-Probably arm wrestles Mac from time to time.

-The only one to really get along with Bald Bull all that well.

-Wakes up early to make pancakes for everyone.

Great Tiger

-He is a street magician, probably. Maybe a professional magician with like a show. I don’t know how this stuff works.

-Probably seduced the ref to get so many decision wins.

-He beat everyone up to Don and was literally about to challenge him for the championship when Little Mac came along. (We can all agree that Great Tiger is much more difficult than Don Flamenco, right?)

-Either didn’t beat King Hippo and did the same thing Bear Hugger did or did beat him and didn’t take the belt because it was “beneath him.”

-Total douche with his clones. He’ll do things like tickle Little Mac to win an arm wrestle. (Hondo and Doc try to stop him but can’t)

-Total prankster.

-Uses magic literally all the time even when he doesn’t need to.

-He surprisingly knows a good amount of English. He still forgets words/phrases and enunciates certain things oddly but he can carry a solid conversation in English.

-Switches to Hindi to trash talk the others, particularly Little Mac. (Even if he’s grown to secretly respect the persistent kid)

-Hangs out around Don and Disco and will help them prank people for TikToks. They will also game together.

-Favourite food is pakora. (It’s an indian dessert. If you’ve never tried it, it’s delicious)

-Same as Hondo, in which he just knows how to cook foods from his country. Uses his clones to do every little task in order to cook. (Ex: Will have one stirring something, one at the rice maker, and another at the stove)

-Eats insanely spicy foods. (Will sometimes eat chili powder right out of the shaker)

Don Flamenco

-His full name is Juan Eduardo Flamenco Ramirez. He was nicknamed “Don” by his friends growing up and stuck with it for his boxing name. He used “Flamenco” as the second half of his name because it was pretty.

-He is canonically a bullfighter and boxer. That’s all you really need.

-Don climbed the ranks like Mac did. He originally kept the minor circuit belt for a while but decided he wanted something more impressive. He challenged Von Kaiser for the major circuit belt and won.

-Also probably seduced the ref if we’re being honest.

-Loves dancing and expensive dates.

-His best friends are Disco Kid and Great Tiger. He nicknamed Disco Kid “Niño de Disco” and Great Tiger “Gran Tigre.”

-He is pretty much bilingual, and has little trouble switching between English and Spanish. He will switch to spanish to tease Little Mac, though it’s pretty harmless in comparison to some of the others.

-He’s only emo in the ring and sometimes around Little Mac. “It’s not a phase, Mac.”

-Dog person.

-Favourite food is churros. (A spanish dessert. Also delicious.)

-He’s really not a gamer and will only play Just Dance with Disco Kid.

-He punched Bald Bull through the roof for a TikTok. Completely unrelated to that, there is a “natural skylight” in Don’s room.

-Challenges Little Mac to arm wrestles whenever he’s bored. Apart from Hondo, he’s probably the least “cheaty” out of them.

-An excellent cook. Because he loves to impress the ladies.

Aran Ryan

-Actually used his real name for boxing. The absolute madman.

-Apart from Boxing, Aran is a telemarketer. He also scams people on the streets as a side hustle.

-He started on the World circuit, the absolute madman, and Soda Pop was the first boxer he met. Aran Ryan can’t manage to beat him or any of the others though and picked on the lower ranks to work up a record. His “number 5” rank is technically unofficial.

-Wastes a lot of money on alcohol.

-Eats nothing but potatoes.

-He and Soda Popinski are best friends. I could see him and Great Tiger either being friends or rivals.

-Doesn’t get along with many of the others. Bald Bull especially is his enemy.

-Learned Russian to communicate with Soda. Likewise, Soda learned more English to communicate with Aran.

-Tries to use two hands while arm wrestling Mac. Doc or Hondo try to get him to knock that shit off.

-Dog person

-He loves gaming and will hack literally any game he can get his hands on. Newer Super Mario Bros Wii is his favourite game.

-Is banned from the kitchen.

Soda Popinski

-Works at a bar selling drinks.

-He’s been boxing for a long time. Held one of the circuit championships at some point but lost it. His other loss was against Sadman.

-He and Aran Ryan are drinking buddies. (Yeah sure it’s soda. It’s spiked with vodka or steroids. You can’t fool me.)

-He’s not much of a gamer, but often gets pulled into playing Aran Ryan’s hacked games with him.

-Always drinks the entire supply of soda. If anyone else wants soda, they have to hide it in one of their rooms.

-Chugs an entire can of steroid soda before arm wrestling Mac.

-“Favourite food? Uh, soda! That is a food, right?” -him at some point

-Understands English well, but has trouble speaking it himself.

-Mostly keeps to himself oddly enough.

-Doesn’t cook. Pretends to not know english when someone asks him to.

Bald Bull

-Apart from boxing, he’s a professional bodybuilder.

-Just kinda challenged people randomly and somehow won most of the time. His losses (pre Mac) were against Macho Man, Sandman, and twice against Doc Louis.

-Is laid back unless the paparazzi come around or someone does something to piss him off. Then he goes beserk. Like the time Don used him to make a “natural skylight” for a TikTok.

-Probably started the arm wrestling tradition against Little Mac, but no one is really sure.

-He and Doc Louis insult each other constantly. Aran and him are also bitter enemies.

-Talks shit about everyone in Turkish.

-Speaks in very broken english and usually hides out in his room.

-He is most chill around Bear Hugger, his closest friend.

-The others normally don’t let him touch a video game controller. However, he did beat King Hippo at Swordplay, shocking everyone.

-Can probably cook just fine but was preemptively banned from the kitchen so no one is really sure.

SMM

-His real name is Chadrick, like the asshole he is.

-A Hollywood actor for sure.

-Was the champion for a while until Sandman kicked his ass. He didn’t take any of the other belts because it was “beneath him.”

-Buys all the skins and battle passes in Fortnite. Also buys a ton of other useless rich person shit.

-Doesn’t live in the mansion but will visit every now and then during parties and shit.

-Eats nothing but In-n-Out. (Thanks Tumblr, for conflating these two in my mind)

-Is totally lying about his age.

Mr. Sandman

-His real name is Michael. People often make the comparison between him and Mike Tyson.

-He looked up to Mike Tyson as a kid.

-He is 100% devoted to boxing. Before boxing however, he worked in retail, which would explain his utter rage with the world.

-Didn’t take the minor or major belts because it was beneath him.

-Extremely competitive with Little Mac.

-“LITTLE MAC YOU ATE MY FUCKING LEFTOVERS THIS CALLS FOR A REMATCH!” -Sandman, all the time

-Also arm wrestles him a lot and challenges him at Minecraft, the favourite game of the two of them. He has a Minecraft world that he’s used for six years on Survival with all these crazy builds.

-Fairly chill when not boxing or competing with Mac.

-Good friends with Glass Joe and admires the persistent little guy despite his lack of skill in boxing.

Doc Louis

-Was the champion before Macho Man. Climbed the ranks like Mac did, and gave up his belts after retiring. Sandman was probably the final straw.

-Fought Bald Bull back in the day, and often won. They’re still rivals now.

-Favourite food is chocolate. (Literally canon, but whatever)

-The ultimate dad of the group.

-Gives them all advice, but clearly picks his favourites (Little Mac).

-All the older fighters get a little nervous when they see him eating chocolate. (You know what I mean if you’ve played Doc Louis’s Punch Out)

-Plays games with the others when they need an extra player.

-Loves cooking and does it all the time, often for some of the others too.

-He’s retired so he doesn’t “officially” live at the mansion. However, the couch has become his designated spot and the table beside it is where he puts his bag of chocolate bars.