#just realized that im going to NEED to download some shit if i want to get good comparison shots

[shodansbabygirl]

the way it just looks worse <3

[obsidiancreates]

Robin Hood: Man In Vents

@pineapple-psychic

"Gus." Shawn whispers as quietly as he can into the little mic pinned to his collar. "I see you flirting with the receptionist."

"Heh, one second." Gus's smirk slips right off as he turns and whispers back "You told me to say I'm security!"

"So no-one would question the mic and earpiece! Not to creep out some poor girl taking this jerk's calls all day!"

"I'm not creeping anybody out!"

"She's literally holding a tiny lipstick taser in her palm."

"Wh- where are you?!"

"The vents. ... Top of the wall to your right."

"Shawn, you're supposed to be in this guy's office already."

"I had to take a pit-stop, man, you were totally ignoring me!"

"Just get in there, if someone we know spots me we're toast."

"Dude, Lassie and Jules are totally busy with that other case with the dead bull or whatever."

"It was a dead matador, Shawn, and they're only busy because you put them on the wrong lead!"

"Yeah, so we're covered."

"Just get into that office!"

Shawn watches Gus turn back around with his 'Smooth Gus' smile and keep chatting with the receptionist- who's relaxing more as Gus talks to her, actually, and she realizes he's just Not As Smooth As He Thinks He Is rather than Trying To Be Creepy.

Shawn crawls through the vents, wondering not for the first time why Santa Barbara seems to make all their air vents big enough for over-30-year-old-men to crawl through with room to spare, and makes it to the office. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his little uses-actual-tape vintage tape recorder, stolen from his dad's house, and hits record.

"No, look, if we sell more than this it'll look suspicious. ... I know, I know, but our payout won't be worth shit if we get caught. Just- have you taken care of the severance situation? ... Well, cripes, Monty, if you don't find a way to avoid paying out severance after this we'll have done it all for nothing! ... That's it, I'm coming down to your office. No, I don't give a crap if your wife is there, kick her out or I'll beat her ass along with yours. ... You'll take this talk from me as long as you live, if you don't want to become my next scapegoat."

The phone slams back into it's receiver, and the CEO storms out of his office.

Shawn tests the vent grate- if he did it right when he pretended to be the building inspector a few days ago, it should just-

CRASH!

... Whoops.

Shawn slides out of the vent and lands in a heap on the floor, springing back up as quickly as possible and going for the computer! This office is relatively isolated, but someone will have heard that. Gus posing as security can maybe buy him twenty minutes, but after that he's risking everything.

Gus would kill him for saying so, but all that makes this even more fun.

He copies the password he saw being entered in the reflection of the window when he came in to sabotage the vent, pulls out the list of keywords Gus's jotted down for him, and starts combing through the files as quickly as possible. He plugs his pineapple-shaped hard drive into the PC unit and begins downloading everything relevant to the insider trading and company self-sabotage.

"Dude, hurry up, I just got told over the walkie that there was a loud sound in the CEO's office," Gus hisses through the earpiece.

"I'm hurrying!"

"Hurry harder, Shawn! Oh, uh, hello, fellow security team. Yeah, Im uh, going to check out the disturbance myself. no need for all of us, right?"

"You're in fire, dude."

"Yeah, well, I'm a uh, black belt in taekwondo, so I really don't need any backup. Might get messy."

"Black be- okay I know that's not true, but I also know you've been sneaking out of cases more often than usual. Gus, are you taking martial arts classes without me? How is our partnership supposed to work if you become a lethal weapon of flesh and blood and I don't?"

"I'm not taking any classes, I'm buying you time," Gus hisses again. "Quit distracting me!"

"Fine. ... But we should sign up for some classes together after this."

"I agree, but shhh!"

"Fine. ... Okay, okay, I got it!" Shanw unplugs everything, makes sure his gloves didn't rip or leave any fibers behind- and then looks up at the vent. "Oh. Oops."

"Oops?!"

"It's uh- it's a little high to reach."

"Oh my go- you didn't measure a way up to your only escape route?"

"I was a little focused on the entire rest of the whole plan!"

"Figure it out fast, we're almost at the elevator!"

"Ah- stall for time! Pretend to pee yourself!"

"No, stop using that as a go-to distraction!"

"Well do something!"

"Ah- HEY! Ahem, hey, guys, uh, you know, I read in Men's Digest last week that elevators have been linked to Kidney Stones."

Shawn looks around frantically for something he can use to get up to the vent that won't leave a suspicious trail- nothing. Unless...

"Dude, I'm taking a risk."

"Another one?!"

"Trust me!"

Shawn pulls the wheely chair over to the vent and stands on it. It's just enough for him to leverage himself into the space. He hops off and grabs the vent cover, puts it on top of the headrest, and turns. He puts his feet on the wall, walks them up to the vent opening, and slowly walks his hands up to the top of the chair to leverage himself into the exit.

As soon as his hands reach the top he hears the elevator ding down the hallway. He hears Gus's rambling coming closer, and knows it's now or never. He takes a deep breath, winces in preparation for the on coming pain, and pushes off of the chair! He just barely manages to grab onto the vent as the chair goes flying across the floor back into place!

His push gets him halfway into the vent, the wind knocked right out of him, but he has no time to recover. He squirms the rest of the way in, and managed to re-affix the loose vent cover right as the door to the office opens.

Gus glances up at the vents and they lock eyes. Shawn gives a thumbs-up, and begins scooting backwards out of the line of sight.

"I'm never helping you with one of these again," he hears Gus mumble over the earpiece.

They both know Gus is lying. They're partners in crime-solving and in crime, and they always will be. Especially when it's something like this.

Now to figure out if blackmail or exposure is the best use for what they've gathered...

[samaraxmorgan]

Hello it is me, the Yap Anon but in my true form, before I yapped again I drew some eyes and i wanted to share them because I think the colors are cool.

NOW TIME TO YAP, OK SO I KNOW I KEEP GIVING YOU LIKE SUGGESTIVE-ISH IDEAS SO YOU GET AN ANGSTY ONE, SO WHAT IF HEAR ME OUT HERE, WE COME HOME FROM A LONG DAY AT WORK TO FIND SUKUNA OPENING THE DOOR AND WE LOOK AT EACH OTHER BEFORE SUKUNA SAYS 'Where the hell have you been?!' WHICH SHOCKS US BEFORE WE REPLY SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF 'Work' AND SUKUNA MUMBLES SOMETHING UNDER HIS BREATH ABOUT OUR JOB WORKING US TO DEATH AND HE TAKES OUR HAND (How scandalous) AND BRINGS US INSIDE SETTING US ON THE COUCH BEFORE SCOLDING US FOR NOT TEXTING HIM WHERE WE WERE AND WE RESPOND WITH SOMETHING LIKE 'Why would you care' OR 'it's not like you'd notice or care' WHICH MAKES SUKUNA MAD SO HE GRABS OUR FACE AND MAKES US LOOK INTO HIS EYES WHILE HE SAYS 'I do care, no matter how much it seems I don't I care, please, don't worry me like that again' AND WE'RE JUST SPEECHLESS BECAUSE WTF SUKUNA CARES ABOUT US AND WE GAWK AT HIM BEFORE COMPOSING OURSELVES AND HUG, PLUS SNUGGLING AS A TREAT BECAUSE :3

IM SORRY I KNOW THIS IS STRUNG TOGETHER HORRIBLLY BUT I THINK IT'S SUCH A FUN IDEA FOR SOME SILLY ANGST, I'M SORRY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

REMEMBER HAVE AN AMAZING DAY/NIGHT :DDDD

HELLO BABE GOOD TO SEE U AGAINNNNN!!! True form I LOVE THAT FOR YOUUUU <3 and I loveeeee the drawings they look SO COOL!! The colors are so nice I love it!!

AAAAAA HIM BEING SO LOWKEY POSSESSIVEEEEE!!!!! SOOOO I have a very similar thing coming in a part soon!!!! We’re out in the city with him and we lose our phone and he spends HOURS trying to find us hehehehe :) he’s so MAD when he finally tracks us down but it’s just because he was worried fucking sickkkkkk

Ugh the idea of him shit talking our job I love it askalakk <3 I used to work at a place that treated me like SHIT and I knowwww he would fucking storm in there and curse my old boss out!!! King!!! And also I bet he HATES us having to stay late and work overtime because he’s always secretly staying up waiting for us to get home, both bc he wants to spend more time with us but also because he wants to make sure we’re safe!! I bet after something like this he would ~casually~ suggest downloading Life 360 ASKAKKAKS

God I know he was pacing around the apartment constantly checking the time watching as we were supposed to be home at one time but then an hour goes by, and another, and ANOTHER and he’s losing his MIND thinking something happened to us. I’m not gonna get too into it bc I don’t wanna spoil BUT I have his backstory planned out and let’s just say… he’s not exactly accustomed to regular every day jobs and he’s also VERY afraid of losing the people he cares about. So the first time we stay late at work he’s in a full PANIC

He doesn’t mean to lash out, but he tends to show fear through anger. We think he’s being over dramatic, unreasonable, but he’s got past trauma that we’re not aware of; and believe me he IS relieved that we’re okay, but his emotions are running HIGH and he’s having a hard time keeping them contained.

And when we ask him why he would care he’s stunned into silence. His mind is running, because how could we POSSIBLY think he doesn’t care? How bad has he been with showing us how important we are to him? Do we really think he doesn’t value us? He’s always been a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, but for once he realizes that he’s gonna need to communicate verbally, as much as it kills him to do so.

He’s not exactly graceful with his words, but we can tell that he’s TRYING. His hands cupping our cheeks to keep our gaze locked on his and the look in his eyes is so serious, so genuine. He DOES worry about us, he DOES care for us, and he tries so hard to hide it because he hates being vulnerable, but for us it’s worth it <3 We give him a hug and he squeezes us a little too tight that it hurts, he waits a little too long to let go, his fingers linger a little too much on our skin, and the look he gives us is a little too close to lovestruck, but how could we be sure?

And I got a LITTLE TOO carried away ASSKAKAK ANYWAYYYY!!!! If u couldn’t tell I LOVED this idea hehe

I hope you have a wonderful day :) !!!!

[andromeddog]

the way your draw uniforms tickly my brain very nicely, they always look amazing! do you have a specific source for reference pictures or have you drawn them so often now you don't need them that much anymore? xoxox- struggling artist who can't find good refs

hehehehe anon i love talking about uniforms so this ask is a real treat… this may get long so it’s going under a cut

first of all thank u for noticing i do really try to make the uniforms as accurate as possible. i spend a long time trying to figure out what specific coat/gun/boot/helmet/whatever people are wearing and what its purpose is…. thats really just googling around and clicking on links until i find something. luckily for band of brothers/ww2 related stuff theres a lot of interest and you can often find ppl on forums from like 2003 discussing the minutiae of gear that will point you in the right direction. ww1 related stuff is a bit harder to come by but i bought a full illustrated book to help with that lol

as for straight up references- pinterest is one of my main resources!! there are lots of pics of the boys from bob if that’s what you are specifically looking for (some boards i like are here and here.) these can be hit or miss sometimes if you’re looking for ref of a very specific thing, because they don’t always capture the angle of that bag or clear shot of a belt that you need.

if that’s the case then i just… rewatch the show lol. i have it downloaded on my phone through the amazon prime app so if im drawing a scene or looking for very specific reference i will literally go frame by frame to get what i need. i cannot tell you how many times ive watched this series just looking for reference. so many. too many??? for this secret santa piece im doing i have watched the same 10 second scene so many times that i can see it when i close my eyes. the bad thing about that is you cannot take screenshots (fuck you amazon prime) and also, it’s rly easy to get sucked into the show and spend an hour just watching it bc it’s a damn good show. i think ive watched the breaking point like 20 times by now bc of this. this is insane idk if you want to do this but if you are looking for straight up accuracy then it’s not a bad option

also, and this is not specific to uniforms, if you draw something enough the pieces will start to stick in your head… this happened to me with 1917 and ww1 british kits lol. i drew them so much they just stuck. knowing what layers are under a jacket, where a belt sits and what’s attached to it, the specific shape of a helmet (fuck you stahlhelms fuck you m1s AND FUCK YOU BRODIE HELMETS) and shit like that just comes with drawing them a lot. and also watching how they fit and move on an actual person is why rewatching the show is good. researching stuff also helps but i know ppl don’t always want to spend hours doing that shit if you’re just looking for a basic reference. but i’m rly into uniforms so that is fun for me!!

i’m realizing this is a lot but…… i like uniforms! thats part of why i like military history shit. its fun to think about how all the gear interacts and moves with a person! how different each country’s uniforms are and how they carry everything they need on their backs and how they change over the years! i just think its neat!

[carltonlassie]

So I stopped paying for spotify premium, right? And started to listen to my local music + using DAPs (digital audio players, like ipod or walkman) and I feel like I'm definitely being more intentional about my music consumption.

Before, I used to go through the vast catalog of music to find some song that would fit the theme of my playlist, and I would barely listen to the songs I discovered because I was busy skipping all of them to see if it matches the theme. I literally just searched for things by title and see if it matched the vibe and added it to my playlist if the few seconds i let it play seemed ok enough. It was definitely itching my novelty seeking brain + organize things into category brain, but i was rarely listening to any music. I was letting spotify shuffle or automatically create a mix after listening to a song that I wanted to listen to at the moment. Good for discovering new songs, I suppose, but spotify algorithm gives songs you've listened to before and liked, so what you get in the auto mix is not even that novel. I was wasting so much time just, going through songs. I feel like i have a shit ton of spotify playlists but I don't ever really go back and listen to the majority of them.

The spotify playlists I still listen to are the ones where I organized *my* music. But I can do the same thing with my existing music collection. Group them into my favorites, genre, moods, etc. without searching for random songs to pad the runtime of the playlist. When I'm adding a new song to my collection, im actively seeking it out and downloading a song, and it feels more intentional, like a commitment. It takes up a physical space on my disk that I'm allowing it to occupy. And every morning when I start work, im not mindlessly opening spotify and letting some daily mix play. I'm actively going through my selection and choosing an album to listen to in full length, and I'm rediscovering so many old favorites.

It's not that I *can't* do that on spotify. I can definitely go through my favorite albums and choose to listen to it fully. But there's too many distractions and after an album finishes, it starts playing other songs in an auto mix and it scrambles my brain back into seeking out and exploring music that I KNOW will be a timesink but ultimately yield nothing much of value. I know there's a setting to turn off autoplay but I haven't touched it because the whole point of spotify is to... do that, right? Discover and spend time on their platform. They've been adding so many random "shorts" like feature where you can "preview" songs with short clips of videos like how I was using spotify before. But seeing that feature pushed into my face, I realize what the platform was doing to me - they wanted me to spend time on it, drive their engagement scores up, etc. It was sucking my time and me into it.

Do I miss the spontaneity? Yes. Do i miss HQ audio? Yes, kinda, but my music collection has higher quality files, and the only time im missing out on quality is when I look up a song that I don't yet have in my collection. Do I miss listening to songs that are good but I don't want to download? No, cuz I can still do that. If I continue to seek it out on spotify, then it's telling me that I need to download that song because it's my favorite!

I like the pause I get after an album finishes. Because it lets me sit in silence while I reassess - do I want to stop work for a second and take a break, or do i need to continue on with this task? And pretty much all of the time, the answer is: I can stop and take a break because most albums are about an hour+ and I've been working for that long!!

I think it also gives something for "future me" to look back, because going back to see my music collection and finding throwback music ... it's always like lmaooo let's goooooo Airplane by B.O.B.!!!!! there's something about music that transports you back into time, and I don't mean the time when the song was released. Time when I first listened to that song, time when I was spending time with the person who introduced me to the song, and feelings I was going through when I was listening to that song. It's a time capsule!!! And I like leaving traces for me, unashamed, true me, things that I truly enjoyed. Instead of worrying about my spotify wrapped being cringe or my playlist being discovered by others so i feel like I have to intentionally curate my appearance. I will do whatever I want!!!!!

[pretentiousactress]

fallout 1 rant

god i hate trying to find content of other people also struggling with fallout 1 but all you can see in comments is just people shitting on the person struggling bc "lol skill issue you're supposed to find this thing in x y and z how do you not know" when A-there is a ONE HUNDRED PAGE MANUAL to the game that's just... a literal walkthrough in place of a proper in game tutorial. but this manual is stylized in it's writing, is a pain to realize exists (i only discovered it on accident bc i was in the game files trying to fix a bug), isn't scanned properly (several pages are the wrong orientation or just off), and long as hell. If you had the physical copy back in the day, it made sense, it was something to read and skim while on the ride home from the store and the game downloaded. B-the game is buggy as hell. Some quests or obvious dialogue are broken bc of bugs C-piss poor in-game direction for the player. you NEED to have read the manual to get the most out of the game, or even play. i feel like the game relies on that so much to do it's heavy lifting the game itself suffers for it, in a way.

I'm really struggling with quests bc the quest tracker is shit. Local area maps gives you no info other than like.... a vague floor plan. The game wants you to barter with some random NPCs that aren't merchants at times just bc they want you to encounter the function.... but barter is slapped onto everyone, even when they have nothing. Choose the wrong stats or anything in the beginning? you're shit out of luck make someone new. Exploring a dungeon is exhausting bc lootable objects blend into the background.

Some stuff i've only discovered by chance, either in game or someone mentioning it in passing, or watching a streamer play the game and see him interact with stuff. You literally cannot play this game without some sort of outside help LMAO. if you could, congrats!

i've finally found a proper walkthrough i think that will finally help me. It tells info straight forward. My first time playing i couldn't even leave the vault without dying bc of bad resources bc of my bad build. I personally HATE builds and crafting one, so since then i've just tried only following examples. I think i eventually got out before but then I also couldn't figure out how to enter a location bc NOTHING WOULD SAY just click the lil green triangle in the game when you enter the green bubble (and even later when i tried looking up help). I've gotten the farthest i've ever gotten recently, after finally figuring out how to enter locations but god my own brain suffers from its own pitfalls. Took me forever to figure out how to even enter vault 15. reading dialogue HURTS bc my eyes strain against the saturated green text on dark green for so long. thats not just a this game issue tho it's also a problem for me in modern fallout games if the text is too saturated i will not read terminals and i try to spend the least amount seeing it. Also not a fan of the fat jokes against one npc but it's a product of its time and just another me problem.

sucks hard bc i really want to like the game but with everything compounded makes it such a boring slog other than like... the few easter eggs and fun encounters i came across traveling between towns. I'll probably end up relying on watching Jabo's playthrough of it but im gonna give it one last go. properly adjusted setting from the start and properly following a walkthrough. not gonna patch the game with a fan patch just bc i dont care about it enough to put in the effort LMAO

hopefully i can eventually enjoy the game properly myself this way on my final attempt. I wanna like the game and have fun so bad but i might just have to accept it's not for me.

jesus im glad i never actually streamed playing this game bc i would have just felt so insecure with all my struggling and it doesn't help just how *mean* fans of old fallout are. Not all of them, but it's sad how it seems like the nice ones are the minority.

i just hate struggling in games if i'm the only one playing. I'm happy to struggle with others in a multiplayer. struggling on my own is what i already do irl im not dealing with that shit in a game that's helping me escape lmao

as shitty as bethesda games can be, they worked several miracles getting fallout into a format that's just far more accessible, easier to get started and understand, and still make sense. Bethesda know best how to make a genre of a game just... more casual and easier to digest. Not everyone's cup of tea, sure, esp depending on the genre (not a lot of people like starfield but i love it. a lot of people love most space games and i hate them LMAO). New Vegas, everyone's beloved, i don't think would have been loved by so many if it wasn't bethesda general easy to consume format with og fallout creators (tho maybe just fallout 2). best of both worlds.

if bethesda didn't snatch up the IP, fallout would have died in the 90s LMAO. but sadly, i just think a lot of people would have preferred that. it is what it is. people be wildin.

[romanticfistfightz]

a list of everything that went wrong today bc if i dont complain and joke about it ill think too much . under read more cuz its 20 points.

my mother got a speeding ticket bc she was 10km/h over . on an empty road at 5am but it wasnt cops ther ebut the one that flashes its not happened to me exactly but it went wrong

had to pay 260pln at the airport cuz the fucking ryanair app didnt work properly and didnt give me my boarding pass when i definitely clicked download and then gave me an "unknown error"

already stressed went to the gate . looked at my boarding pass . only one bag. fuck

paid anothe 200 to be able to take my luggage with me already sweating and shaking (at least the vodka in dutyfree was on sale)

the dude taking my payment told me to take out electronics and meds cuz "these bags get lost sometimes" causing me to die instantly

i gave my bag to a dude next to my plane so he can put it inside the plane with other checked in bags . which should make me more normal cuz like i gave it to him and saw him walk to put it in

didnt help. i was already panicking. what if he took it to a different plane (there were no other planes) . what if he took it for himself and hid it (its bright fucking yellow someone would see it) . what if the plane runs it over (????)

had my adhd toy and was very nervously playing with it and sweating and the lady sitting next to me asked if everythings okay (probably assuming im scared of flying/planes/heights) . so that was nice of her i told her im having an awful day but thanks for asking

the emergency instructions that they give every time made me worse. the plane shook when flying up (normal) and i was sure its crashing . the force of flying up felt different i was sure the engines stopped and died

realized i need to throw up NOW so i went to the bathroom and threw up a bit. never threw up thousands of meters into the air

didnt wanna flush it cuz what if it sucks out too much and sucks out my bag and it falls out

the rest of the flight was fine i chilled out n saw mt etna which is fun i always wanted to see a volcano

landed. started freaking out a bit cuz my bag wasnt coming out for a long time (normal time) and what if they lost it the numbes were slightly different what if somone already took it- oh nvm here it is

cool going for the bus oh wait i need to have coins to pay for the ticket i just bought a carbs free(?) beer for 1.90eur at the airport

wanted to smoke so i wanted to grab my cigarettes from my backpack and realized half of my shampoo spilled out for some fucking reason and the ziplock wasnt closed fully so my backpack (with my laptop charger cables and most important handbound physical copy of unholyverse which was a gift from my bf) was in shampoo and i had no tissues

okay crisis averted it wasnt as bad as i thought. oh shit im almost late for my bus the next ones in 1.5h

managed to get in . and it even had ac. doesnt matter the zip on my backpack broke but after a 10min fight i fixed it

my phones at 7% i need to climb uphill to get to my hotel . the checkins not until 3pm (it was 11.30 at the time its 12.30 now)

okay fine i have an adapter ill charge my phone a bit and go for a walk . yeah sure lmao the adapter doesnt work apparently so im charging my phone from my laptop

well at least theres two swimming pools so ill go swim for the first time in 8yrs.

[inpursuitofmeaning]

September 9, 2024

Hello there, void! Oh, how I’ve missed your non-judgmental mirror. It's been a fucky wucky few weeks. Got a prophecy stone and it's rocked my world to say the least. Called a suicide hotline, went to Co-Dependents Anonymous, layed on the floor in a dark room pondering the existential concept of one’s self, got a new tarot deck, drank my bodyweight in tea, got drunk with a friend (never wanted the night to end), got a therapist, saw some friends (incredible friends) in toronto, and am currently dealing with the grief of letting go of some things that are well overdue to be let go of. More on that after the break... It’s the darkest before the dawn, right?

I’ve recently come to realize that there are a few relationships which I must, in the nicest way possible, leave. Call it a premonition, a download, a knowing, or whatever you want. But quite simply, it’s logic, I’m afraid. That the people who made me feel like shit - like I’m annoying, un-attractive, like i like them more than they like me—literally anything short of the grounded, funny, knowledgeable, wise person I want to be—must shove off. Seriously, people don't give a shit nowadays and it shows. I must be more critical of the people I let into my life. Are you kind, do you add to my life, do you make me feel at peace?

Amusingly enough, the moment I made the decision to distance myself from them (two people in particular, and another who distanced themselves), to no longer sought their validation, my self-concept improved, and blessings started flooding in. Immediately. The universe was just waiting for me to clean house. Almost as soon as I did, the universe was like, “Oh, you get it now. Here are some rewards. Keep going this way! Here's a treat you silly little ant”. Out of nowhere, people started approaching me in public, I got invited to hang out, I felt like conversation flowed naturally, and for the first time in forever, I felt grounded in the version of myself that I've been working toward.

But, of course, the universe doesn’t just hand you wins without throwing in a challenge or two. Classic. Biblical. So, I get tested. And lo and behold, old habbits die hard, and despite resisting the urge to seek validation from a friend by oversharing an exciting piece of news (that I had been invited on a walk by her brother's friend), I ended up telling her a few hours after seeing her in person. Damnit. That wasn’t very black-cat-sigma-male-thomas-shelby of me. I was really excited to have something going on that I didn’t immediately share. The irony? He’s one of the ones who reached out right after I leveled up my self-concept. Classic. Biblical. So, I want to have things going on in my life that others don’t know about. The self-respect to not tell people everything. So naturally im now hating myself and worrying that i ruined things. But this is ALSO part of the test. tricky one, universe. youre good.

This slip-up happened about 30 minutes ago. I felt like I was falling back into the same old cycle—the one that messes with my self-concept. Seeking validation, wanting her to be impressed, ask me questions, make me feel flattered and interesting. But I see it now for what it is: a test from the universe. It’s all part of the lesson. This challenge is here to show me where I still have work to do, where I need to tighten up so I can be unshakable in the face of things that actually matter.

But here’s the progress—I didn’t tell her right away. I left it a few days before I caved. I paused and realized I still have time to get back on track before I meet with him. This is an opportunity to be the person that I want to be. This is a chance from the universe to be a grounded self. The 3D is a reflection of the inside. As above, so below, and it’s not in real-time. Everything is a manifestation of the past self. So I can return to the current self. Be grounded in who I am. I've got options. It’s not the end of the world. The Emily that I want to be would recognize this and move forward. Recognize the blip and not do it again. It’s a lesson. Karmic. The pattern, revealing the unhealed. Growth is happening! It's okay to have shaken my self concept a little. its only been a day honey. it might take a few to change 24 years of a belief system.

Did her reaction make me feel like shit? Yes. Did I let myself down? Also yes. Does that mean it shakes the Emily of the now? No. I learn from it. Move forward. It’s an opportunity to be the person I want to be in the face of a challenge. Acknowledge what I didn’t like, and move on.

Now is a change to prove to myself who I am. And asure myself in what I know. That the resitsnce is re-direction.

[aamethyst000]

Another Late night May 5,24 - 3:07am

Even when i take my meds, i cant seem to sleep. so i think i may need those melatonin stuff, i think ill take them in gummy form. now that i have emulators downloaded, i think that is what ill use up my time for. Especially if i cant sleep. Change of subject, since i havent worked for a whole ass year now, i am just going to start looking for a job. at least, what i can do here in this small(ish) village (i say "ish" because, as ive been told on may occasions, we arent exactly "small" we have about 4200 and more while the other villages has way less than that). there isnt much to do, and i want to save up money to move and possibly visit my older brother who lives down south. since ive been planning this for years, i have been getting better at saving up my money. so far, the method i have been using is working now. i got less than i have hoped but it is way better than nothing (i definitely would have cried about having no savings). im just so worried about never having enough. since prices have gone up, it has been making me very hesitant about moving anywhere. owning is too expensive, renting is way out of my limit, even with one other roommate. it got to the point where i added another person to my personal plan to move down south. I dont mind it, since its my best friend. but i also have plans to move in with my brother too. whoc was my original plan; find an appartment and move in with him.

then, after my little brother graduates, he and i can save up and have him move in with us! i want that more than anything. Before this whole ordeal. i wanted to move in with my 2(two) childhood best friends. then shit happens in our own life, individually that is, like, it got so bad that we drifted apart and it is not even our own fault (or am i just making an excuse for us?). It sucks, but what can i do? one lives in the same village as i do and i hardly go to see her, the other lives in town and she, herself, doesnt go see anyone othere than her immediate family. shit got crazy during our teen years man, it isnt even funny.

anyway, i figured, since i cant fall asleep, il just use this time to rant/vent about whatever was on my mind. and it seems to be on the past, im trying to let that go but i cant, or rather, i dont want to. cause as much as i hated being that young and naive, and those shit happening to us and around us. there were good moments that over ride the bad in my life, and i am desperately clinging on to that hope and happiness i had before turning 13-14. and that is way too young to be left undiagnosed and depressed.

but who would believe a teenager actually being depressed? we were "attention seekers" and "trend follower" (to be very fair though, i really did try to follow a lot of trends in my life) there was even a moment where i went to this little convention event thingy that was going on in my village, and it was about suicide prevention. so, i decided to go, because if i wasnt going to get help from my own family, i may as well get it from somewhere else (i really was trying so hard to activly not look for bad habits to start on, one of them was already developing without me knowing or realizing...so). when i got there, and we got into a circle to introducing ourselves, open up and talk. the instructor said to talk about why some of us choose to go to that event, so when it was my turn. i talked about how i--

((((by the way, very strong TRIGGER WARNING!!!! talks about suicide attempt and possible eating disorder))))

--was feeling so alone and just so very lost and caged up because of my ex boyfriend, i sat there on my bed with scissors i grabbed from the kitchen and just stared at my arm. i didnt message anyone, or even write a letter. i just wanted out. i opened the scissors enough to make it easy to hurt myself, that part alone i was trying to figure out how i should do it. that thought did scare me at the time but it does now, holy shit. anyway, i made the decision and then, like a movie theatre, memories of both my brothers played in my head, their smiles and laughter loud and clear for me. like someone was there just waiting for the right moment to show me them, who ever they were, im glad and thankful. because at the very lowest moment of my life, i was already struggling with my eating habits. there was no inbetween for me. i either ate a lot, enough to be "teased" about looking or "being preggo" which is sick by the way when your teasing a literal MINOR (12 through 17) about being pregnant. like, why would you even do that? anyway, it wasnt my family that unintentionally helped me develop those bad eating habits. it was my friends and me comparing myself to every girl and characters out there.

i didnt care that it was a bad thing to get into at the time, to me, i was surrounded by girls that were skinnier than me, or, who i thought were skinnier than me. ive seen photos that my family and friends took of me, i cannot believe that i ever thought i was ever fat, ever, but i guess thats what low self esteem and bad comparisons does to you. i mustve been looking through foggy mirrors how dysphoric(???) i fucking felt. it was so bad that most days i choose to either have one meal or throw that plate away in my own garbage bag and just have a toast for my first "meal". i didnt care about the calories i was eating up, or lack therof, like raw ichiban, dry cereal, or just popcorn, and on "good days" i let myself have pop and chips with my first meal which is usually dinner time. it made a bigger effect on me when my little brothers dad decided to act like a total bitch and not get any proper groceries and just get chicken nuggets, ichiban, cereal, hot dogs, milk, and rice.

so, i forgot to mention, but i was 16 when all of this was overwhelming me and when i nearly took my own life. i didnt tell this story as detailed as i did while in the circle, but as soon as i finished, feeling (while it was very short lived) lighter after i told my reasoning, you know what i heard? on my right, this elder lady: *snickers* "im sorry, i didnt mean to laugh, but i think that was cute. that was all?" i didnt hear the rest because i was ready to cry again. how can you say that? i shut down for the rest of my time there. i dont remember how long that event went, but i knew from there on, not to ever open up here in the village. ever. mind you, there were other servivors who talked about their own stories in their own ways but why was i laughed at? How in the ever loving fuck is what i almost did "cute"? how was my story not made a big deal just like the others? i wish i knew but that fucking hurt like hell.

((((END of TRIGGER WARNING))))

wow. i did not think that this would be a big post (journal entry) but here we are. im not going to lie, im still feeling iffy about posting this. or if i want to delete that whole section and just say " id rather not go into detail about my...." idk what else to call it other than my lowest point. i dont know what else to write about so i am going to get ready for bed and see if i can fall asleep after having a toke. cause right now, it is currently 4:16am and i want to get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight, or at least try to. hopefully i feel better after writing this out and sleeping on this. we shall see tomorrow.

good night.

[chiyoso]

hiraeth! how are you doing today?

got a 59, 35, 42. 56 and 57 for your ask game.

it's a lot BUT I AM I N T R I G U E D

hehe! hey pretty <3 feel free to ask more, because i love intrigued people 🤭

35) favorite subject

i've ALWAYS, always had an affinity for music no matter what. i realized it late though, but because of my mom's wants of me being good at music in general, i developed a natural talent for teaching violin/piano in my own way that amazes her.

e.g. i helped a clearly struggling student of hers, and it was the day of the performance + we only had 1-2 hours of practice left, a piano student, she was having a hard time with counting the beats, and being on beat, having trouble with pacing as well, which i picked up almost immediately, and my mom was busy making preparations so she couldn't help. but i stood up and decided to because i just- idk? i really just wanted to help!

and i wasn't aware that this certain action of mine would lead to a successful performance, with a damn headmistress of a school offering me a free college scholarship because of my own performance + my sudden deeds

bam. (i think i overshared and retold my story about the free college scholarship lmao)

more info under cut! ❤︎

42) favorite books

hrm, i don't have a lot of books to read in this time now BUT

my favorite books growing up was diary of a wimpy kid (i swear i was so addicted to it, and i finished all books of it, PLUS THE MOVIE??? RODRICK??? OMG)

those fairy books i forgot the names but i think the titles were literal names of the fairies? idfk

bridgerton (cough) i'm a sucker for this genre

i can't think of anything else since i dont read much anymore, but i want to say that my favorite genres are; fantasy, romance, dark mature content (no, not 50 shades of grey) smut duh, sci-fi and i think thats pretty much it!

need recommendations... i wanna read some books where we flirt with some shadowy, dark eldritch horror or even the grim reaper himself (im so fucked omg)

56) favorite food

ITALIAN FOOD BABY, but i've been growing fond of uhh... chicken liver. i'm also really open to trying lots of things

ranking: most favorite

1. italian cuisine

2. fried japanese foods

3. korean cheese tteokbokki and tteokkochi

4. tbh convenience stores go hard too for my broke ass

5. philippines food

pizza reigns supreme.

...along with fries dipped in ice cream.

57) favorite animal

cats. any cat. (except for the furless ones im sorry)

cats remind me of scaramouche, lyney, neuvillette, blade and jing yuan so much, i wanna have a black cat along with a white one with gold eyes.

59) why i joined tumblr

now this... hrm

i genuinely forgot why i suddenly downloaded the app... shit.

dammit, i forgot. fuck. i just know i joined when me and my ex were at an all time low and the verge of breaking up.

i remember why i stayed and decided to write myself, i got inspired, heavily inspired and horny from the star rail fics i kept encountering, like my sexual drive just went through the roofs because of this certain welt yang x stellaron hunter blowjob fic, and some aspects of it, like welt and her not trying to get caught — my cynosure reader is inspired by that, doing lewd shit in secret.

and then i kept encountering fics, over and over. showering support to all which was so rejuvenating for my mental health, and then i encountered nat's al haitham fic, encountered you through my first story, and nat's mutual who guided me when i received anon little shits talking about my tagging lmao, yall were the three pillars that kickstarted my writing career genuinely

but if i can try harder to remember why i joined tumblr... i was uhhh, i was heavily depressed, dealing with my ex's shit, life, etc, and i was just mindlessly looking for something, anything, to give me energy, anything eventful for my overly draining situation.

that's all! ehe, ily aine <3

[night-rhea]

Sometimes, its really hard to keep yourself motivated. I know many people can relate at this. Social media can be, cold sometimes. Because, we actually dont know what people think about us,do we? I mean, i mostly dont know. Especially here in tumblr, well i dont use any other platform either jhgfghjkl Sure i have few friends here ,which is im SO grateful, but in majority idk how people see me, or my oc's. I also dont know if thats normal or bad or good.

Why am i talking about that?? Well its because today im kind of emotional. Today is my first years anniversary in tumblr, and i kinda wanna talk. Randomly.

My thirst for drawing started in last year in middleschool. I had many stories in my mind and i wanted to see them on paper. I wanted it so badly, so i tried. Of course i knew results wont be perfect, but i also didnt expected it to be that bad.

I tried many times, but surely not enough, and after many fails i gave up. I told myself "You are not talented for this Naz, you will never be. You are wasting your time and hurting yourself. Find something else."

And i did. I stopped trying. I didnt know this was the worst decision i can make.

İn my last year in highschool -which is one year ago from today- i was kiiinda depressed because of my univercity exam. I wasnt sure which one i wanted to go, i was just randomly studying for a good point in exam. But studying without knowing what you want to do was harder than i thought. When this covid thing happened and i had to stay in my room for months and just study, i just couldnt take it anymore.

I told myself "Fuck everything. Fuck it. You wont do anything good anyway."

I wanted to play some games to kill time, and finished few games. That was the time i remembered Hogwarts Mystery. And i downloaded again. And i fell in love with it.

Time to admit, back then i didnt watch any Hp movie, or read its books. No, i just knew the Harry Potter, saw few film scenes on tv but that it. So its safe to say i learned the Hp universe with Hphm, with Night. It was expected for me to want draw them.

And suprisingly i really started to draw. I didnt care how bad it was, i was already in bottom end i thought it cant be any worse.

And here i am. İn the end of my first year of univercity, studying comminication design, taking art classes, using little graphic tablet. With Night, i realized thats what i want to do. I also find the courage to come out as enby, with Night again. Look how my art changed, how Night changed in a year.

Sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i didnt gave up on drawing, back then when i was in middle school. Thats why im keep saying everyone i know to not stop, believing in theirselves.If you want to do something, that feeling will never leave you alone. You will always want to do it and will do it one day too. Just dont lose that much time like me.

Sooo as you can see, Night is pretty important to me, so Tumblr. Thats why i deeply care about mc's here, all the amazing people here. Because all of you are part of Night's life, at least in my eyes. Thats why a simple like on my art makes me feel happy for week, a simple comment makes me feel loved, cared, seen.

It pains me to find it hard to reach people here. Like most of us here, im not sure if im bothering someone, annoying someone, or talk too much or talk shit too much. It doesnt even makes sense most of times, dont worry i know. But i feel like it anyway. But its okay, isnt it?

I believe we need to let ourselves to feel negative things. To get rid off them. Thats what im doing it anyway. It also shows me how i have love for somethings in my heart, enough to get hurt by it. In its own weird way, im happy to feel that love. If a little negativity comes with it, who cares??

Im happy to be here, cant believe its been a year. I cant believe how my art changed during that time, how i changed.

If im liking your posts, reblogging, leaving comment; i hope you at least smile and feel seen. Because im here, seeing your hard work and amazing results (even if you think its not amazing)

Thank you, and i hope you are also happy to be here. Because i am happy that youre here.

Happy one year anniversary to me and Night, i guess

[silveanna]

Nct 2020 + You as Class E

Y/N:

-Had bad records in your previous school and now you’re here

-plays around with ChenJi

-gives helpful advices to everyone

-likes to break the rules

-doesn’t get involve to gang fights cuz Taeyong did not allow you to

-you’re their precious little flower

-the boys have a lot of respect for you

-started a food fight once and got suspended

-“im like earth, already in a state of global warming”

Taeyong:

-the president

-always late

-is quiet and always frowning

-looks like he might suddenly punch someone

-but when you get to know him he’s actually

a nice person

-“I repeat, once you got in Class E, you’ll graduate as a student of Class E”

Kun:

-Class A banned you guys inside the cafeteria

-most of you are too lazy to cook your own food

-so Kun had to use his skills and cooks lunch everyday for his dear classmates

-the most decent

-always present

-the one who just watches when there’s a fight

-“I’m not giving you guys lunch for free, now pay up”

Taeil:

-looks innocent but not really

-always asleep

-would even sometimes sleeps on the floor and use his bag as a pillow

-easily catches up on the lessons/discussions

-“what’s our next class? homeroom? ok bye”

Johnny:

-the chill kid

-but when he gets angry u better run for your life bro

-the tallest so he sits at the very back of the room

-vibes with everyone

-damage to school properties is the main reason why he’s in the fam

-⚠️Don’t laugh AT him⚠️

-“not my problem”

Yuta:

-the arrogant one

-probably imagines beating the shit out of someone in his mind sometimes

-superior at sports

-paints his nails

-“I’m tired of seeing the same faces everyday”

Doyoung:

-The Vice President

-also a decent one

-is tired of taking care problematic dudes everyday

-doesn’t look like it but he’s a nerd

-is seatmates with Taeyong

-Cold af

-“shut up I’m trying to study here”

Ten:

-one of the moodmakers

-mocks his teachers

-always rest his foot on top of his table

-brings his pet cats to school

-puts big ass rocks inside his classmates bags

-“I just downloaded tiktok, follow me guys:)”

Jaehyun:

-the escort (duh)

-doesn’t give a fuck

-always a pageant candidate

-records the fights for ✨memories✨

-varsity player

-“can I go home now?”

Winwin:

-a very nice person

-became friends with you on the first day

-eats a lot

-shares his food with you

-“I only gave Y/N food! Why are you guys eating too?!!”

Jungwoo:

-a literal softie

-gets along with everyone

-the first one to be thrown in Class E

-others call him Zeus

-hides his classmates bag

-“I believe in hate at first sight”

Lucas:

-Chick boy

-also eats a lot

-but doesn’t like sharing his food

-no one wants to be smacked with that big ass hand

-steals pens

-“if you’re more handsome than me then she’ll probably choose you. Better luck next time bro”

Mark:

-got low grades and now he’s stuck with a bunch of intimidating guys who teases him everyday

-but he loves them

-is starting to adapt

-brings his guitar to school

-“wanna listen to some music?”

Xiaojun:

-plays games with yangyang at free time

-SMART

-goes with the flow

-jams with mark

-helps you with your math class

-“just tell me if you need help”

Hendery:

-looks normal but isn’t

-also a mood maker

-almost sets the school on 🔥

-lives at the same neighborhood with you, so he walks home with you sometimes

-“life is so hard I just want to be a fly”

Renjun:

-small but terrible

-likes astronomy

-would not hesitate to choke someone

-likes to tease others but when he’s the one being teased he gets angry

-doodles whenever he’s bored

-debates about the existence of aliens

-“i don’t want to live on this earth”

Jeno:

-also a varsity player

-the one who suddenly throws crumpled papers

-bad fingered his teacher

-plays with Ten’s Cats

-“If you want to rock, you gotta break the rules man“

Haechan:

-cHaOtic

-most likely to start a fight lol

-was caught stealing and now he’s in the family

-helps everyone cheat on their exams

-the only one who cleans the room

-“don’t worry I got you”

Jaemin:

-doesn’t like being called “nana”

-the super quiet one

-stays at the very corner of the room

-sleeps on the floor with taeil

-number one complainer

-“close the curtains, it’s too bright here”

Yangyang:

-the prankster

-drag racer

-makes fun of his hyungs 24/7 with haechan

-would step in a fight even though he doesn’t stand a chance at all

-just to protect his friends

-“Haechan! What’s the answer to number five test B?”

Shotaro:

-a cutie

-but a freaking gremlin like everyone else

-learns new tiktok dances with ten

-this boy may look innocent but in reality he beat up 5 grown ass men alone

-“^_^”

Sungchan:

-Class A’s president has a huge crush on him

-so he’s the only one allowed inside the cafeteria

-pretty chill

-looks up to Taeyong

-Hacker

-“I’m going to the cafeteria, does anyone want some snacks?”

Chenle:

-RICH KID

-🐬🐬🐬

-loud asf

-sings randomly

-“I kissed Class A’s president that’s why I’m here”

Jisung:

-sticks around with you all the time

-cuz he sees you as his older sibling

-adored by everyone

-got transferred in the wrong class but he likes it here

-“I baked cookies want one?”

Bonus:

It was a Normal day at NCTY High, you and sungchan were headed back to the classroom after being sent to detention. You bumped into a group of guys from Class D, half of them were smirking, the others glared at you and sungchan. It was strange to see them in a abandoned building since Class E is the only class who uses the building.

You and sungchan exchanged looks and shrugged.

Everyone was chaotic as always, you sat in your usual spot and chit chatted with the guys until Chenle started screaming and there’s fire crackers blasting everywhere making everyone left their seat and gathered at the very corner of the room.

Kun immediately opened the windows to let out the smoke, Doyoung and Taeil tries to calm everyone down but FAILS.

“WAAAHHH!!! We’re being attacked by terrorist!” Chenle screamed and hugged you, Jisung did the same.

“JOHNNY YOU’RE BIG ENOUGH! SHIELD US!”

“FUCK YOU!”

“WHERE’S XIAOJUN?!”

“I DON’T KNOW! MAYBE HE’S DEAD!”

“I CAN’T FIND MY CATS!”

You counted them all and noticed there was one missing aside from Xiaojun, PRESIDENT!

You looked around and saw Taeyong in his spot, idiot was still peacefully sleeping. “How could he even— Argh!” You reached for a book near you and threw it at Taeyong’s head. “WAKE UP YOU DOOFUS!”

Eventually he woked up and yawns, Taeyong cursed under his breath after he realized the situation. He came to you and also tried to calm the others down, Haechan hugged him from the back tightly “Pres! We’re all gonna DIEEE”

“Shut up! Doyoung! Get your ass over here!”

“Get a fire extinguisher! Quick!” He commanded.

“I can’t! The fire crackers are blocking our only exit, and I can’t jump off the window we’re on 4th floor” Doyoung explained, Taeyong couldn’t think and do anything but to face palm himself.

A cold breeze blows your skirt up midway, everyone stopped panicking and there was a figure at the door. It was Xiaojun, he was holding a fire extinguisher. Face almost covered with bruises Did Someone beat him up?. “Class D.. It was Class D!”

Knew it.

[justpeachii]

Pairing: Sugawara Koushi x Female Reader 

Summary: After getting bored with your love life, you download one of those silly dating apps. However, things don’t go as planned, leaving you crying in your best friends arms.

Genre: College AU (Juniors), angst, comfort, platonic, mutual pining but both are dumb, kind of a cliche ending but :’)

Warnings: profanity and that is all.

Word Count: 3.2 K

Author’s Note: hello! This is my first fic here on the good ole tumblr and i hope you enjoy it! This was very much (sadly) based off of real life events and really just something i wanted to write to get my feelings out. i do suggest listening to the little playlist below while reading because not only were they what i listened to while writing, but also what got me through it (along with some great friends). Also uh… i didn’t expect this to be this long hehe YIKES. Anyways, enjoy! (also i’m SORRY TENDO he got the short end of the stick 😭 i’ll make it up i swear)

also tagging the lovely @noya-sannnn​ !! who inspired me to write this!!

Playlist

blame game (acoustic) by mxmtoon

Grow As We Go by Ben Platt

dream of you (acoustic) by mxmtoon

did it to myself by orla gartland 

ready now by dodie 

Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray

Late nights were always the worst. Between the endless torrent of thoughts or the overwhelming amount of homework, sleep was a luxury you could hardly afford. Afterall, juggling not only 18 credit hours of classes, a part-time job, and work projects for your major was not the norm, but for you, it was. 

Not only was sleep something you often overlooked, but love was as well. That is until one night you decided to download one of those silly dating apps on one of those late nights. After choosing a few of your best selfies and creating a fun little bio, you got to swiping.

Left. Left. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Pause. Right.

It’s a Match!

After a moment of hesitation, you closed out of the message prompt, continuing to swipe and scroll before feeling the weight of sleep upon your eyelids. 

It had been two months since matching with Tendo Satori. Two months full of laughter, late nights at each other’s apartments, and confessions of love. Or at least what you thought was love. What started as a spark had grown to the size of a wildfire, burning inside your chest. A newfound love so strong it made your heart ascend to the highest of places.

However, what goes up must come down. 

While you would like to believe it was sudden, all the warning signs were there. Him growing distant, opening texts but not responding, cancelling plans last minute; the list goes on. The one thing that was sudden was the text you received before class.

Of course this would happen to you fifteen minutes before a two hour lecture. The last thing you would want to see: a paragraph of half-assed excuses followed up by “i just don’t think im ready for a relationship”.

You wanted to scream, throw your phone against the concrete, cause a scene, but you didn’t. As the tears began to flow, you scrolled on your phone for your most trusted friend, pressing on the call button next to their name. 

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Y/n? Don’t you have class soon? What’s going on?”

At this point, you were holding back sobs, voice coming out in a quiet whisper as you held the phone to your ear with a shaking hand.

“Suga… I have class in a few, but I- he-” you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words. What would you tell him after all? While you and Tendo had never put a label on it, it still felt like a break-up. 

“He? Y/n, are you okay?” There was a faint rustle on his end of the line, the sound of him putting his shoes on. “Can you take a few breaths for me? Take your time, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” 

Doing as he said, you took a few snot-filled breaths before managing to get the tears to stop falling. While you did so, you found a spot outside the lecture hall, sitting beneath a tree and leaning your head against its trunk, letting your eyes close. 

“He ended it. Tendo… He texted me saying all this stuff of how he was sorry for pushing me away and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.” You said in a firm voice. It was as if you were willing yourself to be strong for his sake, not wanting to worry him more than he was. 

There was a pause from Sugawara as he processed what you had just said. When he spoke, his tone was bitter, one you rarely heard.  

“That piece of shit. Over a text! He didn’t have the decency to call you or, hell, even set up a dinner or something!” He gave a sigh followed by a beat of silence. “I’m so sorry, Y/n… I know it is probably the dumbest question to ask, but are you okay?”

“Not really, but I have to be since I have class in,” you glanced at your watch, groaning, “six minutes. I don’t really want to go, I just want to go home, curl up in my blanket, and cry.”

While your heart was breaking over some boy you had known for a couple of months, Sugawara Koushi’s was breaking for you. Not only was he your closest friend since you transferred to the same university, he was also head-over-heels for you. When you mentioned to him the dates, he feigned happiness for your sake, supporting you through all of it. Now, hearing you in shambles on the other end of the phone made him want to run to you, pull you into an embrace, and give you the world.

Sadly, he couldn’t do what he wished. He knew your professor had a strict attendance policy, which meant that you would have to sit in class for two hours with a broken heart. Two hours for him to prepare as much of the world as he could. 

“I know this is one of the last things you want to hear right now, Y/n, but I know it will get better. If your professor didn’t have such a stick up his butt you would be able to skip without a problem.” As your friend spoke, the tears began to fall once more, your free hand coming up to swipe them away. 

“I know it won’t be for another two hours, but after your class, do you want to come over and we can have a movie night? We don’t have to talk about anything, just watch Tangled or Your Name.”

It took you a minute to find your voice once more, the ball of despair tight in your throat, leaving you to silently nod. Then you find your voice.

“I’d like that, Suga… I’d love it, in fact. I just… I don’t want to be alone tonight, but I also don’t want to bother you and I know-”

“You know you’re never a bother. Trust me, Y/n. After class, come over to my place. You can have my bed and I’ll take the couch.” His voice cut you off from finishing your thought, leaving your lips parted with an apology, a breath falling out in its place.

For the first time in the past nine minutes, you smiled. It wasn’t much, but Sugawara could hear it in your voice from the other side as you whispered, “Okay. Thank you, Suga. I love you, you know?” 

“I love you, too.” His own face was graced with a smile, though behind it he held all his emotions. How he wished to hear those words uttered in a non-platonic way. “Now get to class before you’re late! I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

While you were busy in class, both from note taking, group discussions, and trying your best to not break down any minute, Sugawara was busy in his own way. As soon as the phone call ended, he was out the door, making his way to the nearest convenience store, buying the essentials for healing a broken heart. Four pints of ice cream, a mix of his favorite flavors and yours, a couple bags of chips, some candy, and even a new stuffed teddy bear later, he was checking out, checking his phone constantly for the time, in case he had spent more time than he thought.

With his bags in hand, he made his way back to his apartment, getting everything set up for the movie night. While it wasn’t going to be a joyous occasion, he wanted it to have a happier atmosphere than what the topic of discussion would be. He placed the bags of chips and candy on the coffee table, the teddy bear placed between them; ice cream in the freezer for future consumption. Once the snacks were in place, he began to gather the softest blankets, grabbing your favorite along the way. 

Every time you would come over, no matter the temperature outside, he would find you curled up in it. One finals week while the two of you were cramming for an exam the next morning, he found you dozed off at the coffee table, the same fuzzy grey blanket wrapped around your shoulders. He even took a picture of you, asleep with your cheek in hand, other hand slack from writing notes that had since been abandoned. You still didn’t know about the picture to this day, but it was one he cherished. 

Time seemed to pass quickly as he finished getting everything together, not realizing the time until you knocked at his door. Answering it within seconds, he gave you a gentle smile, opening his arms for a hug he knew you desperately needed. That was all it took for the dam to break once more. As your arms wrapped around him, the tears fell in steady streams onto his t-shirt. 

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back as he slowly shuffled backwards, pulling you two past the threshold, allowing him to close the door behind you. One hand rested on the back of your head, holding you close to his chest, the other in the middle of your back. The two of you stood there for what seemed like hours before you lifted your head, eyes red and puffy. Sugawara’s hand moved from the back of your head to hold your face, wiping away any remaining tears.

“Sorry for soaking your shirt.” you said with a small laugh, as you finally met his gaze. Warm, brown eyes full of nothing but comfort and safety met yours. There was a soft smile on his lips, while it was kind, it held a hint of sadness. 

“Don’t worry, I like my shirts soggy.” He said with a chuckle of his own. After making sure your face was dry of any tears, he nodded towards the living room. “Now come on, I have a little surprise for you!” 

After slipping your shoes off, you followed him into the living room, spotting the assortment of treats, along with the teddy bear. You swore you were done crying, but a few tears found their way out once more, but this time for a different reason. As you made your way to the coffee table, Sugawara disappeared to the kitchen, grabbing two pints of ice cream and spoons. When he reappeared, you were already curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, bear in your lap, and a few tears rolling down your face.

“You really didn’t have to do all of this, Suga. A movie and talking would have been just fine,” you said as he sat down next to you handing off your chosen flavor and spoon. He scoffed at your remark, gesturing with his spoon.

“And just fine isn’t good enough! No one deserves to be broken up with through a text. Especially you, Y/n. Why, the next time I see him, he better watch his back.” He said, his glare pointed off to the side.

“There will be no fighting him, okay? Physical or verbally. What happened is… What happened. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming when I could have if I just looked.” You said, opening up the pint and taking a spoonful. With a small huff, he copied your motions, a beat of silence falling between the two of you. 

The lull in conversation lasted for a little while as neither knew what to say. You didn’t want to speak anymore on what had happened, but it was eating away at you. Sugawara could tell it was, so finally he spoke, clearing his throat before doing so.

“I’ll listen,” he said, his gaze meeting yours. The look you gave him was almost that of a puppy that had been scolded. Hurt. Sad. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. You can tell me everything, okay?”

The two of you sat in silence for a minute more before he decided to put on a movie, filling the void. By the halfway point, the two of you had finished your pints, the cartons since abandoned on the coffee table. The other snacks are left untouched. Finally, you turn towards him and take a deep breath.

“I’m ready now.”

Those three words were all it took for him to pause the movie and shift to face you. For the next two hours, you spilled your emotions to him, both the highs and lows of the two month endeavor. At some point, he had pulled you into his arms and between his legs, his back against the arm of the couch with you on his chest. Your tears soaked his shirt once more as his hands ran up and down your back. Soon, you found yourself asleep in his embrace, exhausted from emotions.

Sugawara looked down at your finally peaceful face, cheeks stained from tears. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, closing his eyes as he silently prayed he would never see you like this again. 

After that night, you and Sugawara started to spend more time together. Not only for study nights, but weekly movie watch nights, daily lunch meet-ups, and impromptu ice cream runs. 

The three months leading up to finals left your old feelings to return, but somehow stronger. While you had gotten over Tendo rather quickly (and likewise with him. Not a week after your “break up” he was in a relationship with someone else) you didn’t want to admit your feelings for your best friend. At least that was the plan until a particularly late night study session that had you banging your head against a textbook that lay on the coffee table. 

“You know you can’t actually cram the information into your memory, right?” Sugawara said with a chuckle. You groaned in response, wadding up a piece of paper and throwing it at him. He batted it away swiftly, leaning on his elbows.

“I know that, but what I don’t know is how I’m expected to memorize all of these algorithms in order to pass!” You whined, giving up as you flopped onto your back, tugging the blanket that was around your shoulders closer. From his spot across the table, Sugawara continued to type away on his laptop, stifling a yawn. 

Laying there, you looked up at the ceiling, thinking back over the past few months. Your mind wandered back to that one terrible day and the lengths that Sugawara had gone through to make sure you were alright. It brought a smile to your face as you closed your eyes, giving a soft sigh. This caught the grey-haired boy’s attention, looking away from his work to see you with the dumbest grin on your face. He couldn’t help his own from pulling at his lips.

“What are you thinking about over there? Doesn’t seem like it’s math by the smile on your face.” 

“You.”

Caught off guard, he blinked a few times before responding. You, however, hadn’t realized what you had said just yet. While it wasn’t wrong, it was very bold.

“Me? What about me?” He asked, his curiosity overpowering his nerves for the time being.

“How you surprised me that one night. Ice cream, snacks, a teddy bear… Your smile, how much you always seem to make me laugh, you good of a hugger you are… How much I think I love you.” As you listed things off, you grew quieter and quieter, your voice a whisper by the end. 

Sugawara’s heart felt like it had just gotten done running sprints after losing a match back in high school. He felt his cheeks flush as he shifted to better look over the table at you. Never had you said you loved him outside of a friendly manner and here you were, on his living room floor confessing your love for him. 

“You think… You love me, Y/n?” The breath that he had been holding exhaled in a sigh afterwards, only to be replaced with another as he waited for you to respond. 

It was then that you realized what you had said. Immediately, you felt your cheeks flush as you sat up with wide eyes, abandoning the blanket on the floor. Looking like a deer in the headlights, you searched his face for a sign of anything. What you found were cheeks as red as your own, a hint of excitement behind his eyes, and a semi-confused look plastered on his face. You felt it was as good a time as any to get it off the table. Taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“I do, Suga. And I have since the first semester of sophomore year and I never told you because I didn’t think you felt the same way or that things would get a little awkward between the two of us. I tried to just push the feelings away or ignore them, hoping they would go away, but they didn’t and I was too dumb to say anything.”

In the silence that followed, you prepared yourself for the worst. However, the worst didn’t come. Instead, a small string of laughter fell from his lips as the corners of his eyes crinkled, a bright smile lighting up his face. 

“Then we are both dumb, Y/n! I did all of those things for you that night because not only are you my best friend, but I truly do love you. It hurt seeing you like that and I knew I couldn’t tell you how I felt because it wasn’t right.” 

Letting out a sigh of relief, you moved back to the coffee table, placing your elbows on it before laying your hands flat on the surface. Soon, his hands found yours, thumb brushing against the back of your hands. With a small laugh, you gave a small shrug.

With a breathy laugh, you responded, “Even so, why didn’t either of us say something sooner! Then we would have avoided all of that to begin with.” 

Sugawara just shook his head, giving your hands a tight squeeze. “True, but that was the past. Where we are now is where we were meant to be. Like I told you, it got better.”

“It did, and it was all because of you.” Turning your hands over in his, you gave them a gentle squeeze, to which he returned.

“I love you, Y/n”

“I love you, too, Suga.”

[liberolove]

Testing the Waters (pt. 1)

Summary: youve finally graduated high school and now youre moving on to college. youve decided to go to sendai university. its summer and youve become curious about checking out the dating pool in miyagi, so you download a dating app. you figure you might as well have fun before delving too deep into your studies

Part: [part one] out of ???

Pairings: nishinoya x reader / kuroo x reader / oikawa x reader / kiyoko x reader

A/N: theres tons of ships here, just me living out my hoe phase lmao please dont judge me. let me know what yall think

Genre: fluff, smut, crack

Warnings: flirting, college shinanigans

even though you decided to stay in your hometown to further your studies, you moved out as soon as you could. your parents were smothering you and you were honestly tired of it. so, you got your own apartment and started to live on your own. everything was fine and easy so far but then you realized how lonely you felt. your friends had moved away to go to other universities, and you were never really good at relationships. the anxiety of not knowing what to do with yourself until classes started was consuming you. to deal with this, you figured you might as well download a dating app. 

“Gotta check out all the hot singles in my area, I guess,” you thought.

it had been a while since your last relationship but you were sure you were ready again. or maybe you could try to find something different. maybe some hookups could be enough to help you during this weird adjustment period. 

you downloaded the app and added whatever details were needed. 

Name: l/n, y/n

Looking for: chat, relationship, hookup, anything

Bio: 

it took you about ten minutes to finally decide on what you wanted to add to your bio. finally, you typed out:

Bio: just another single college student looking for genuine human connections. Interests include watching anime, reading nerdy shit, and getting to know you 

you were never too good at coming up with bios but this should be good enough for now. time to see what kind of fish you could catch..

not even a minute after uploading a picture of yourself, a new message showed up.

Nishinoya Yuu: hey, beautiful! (;

Y/n: oh hi! how are you?

N: doing better now that I’m talking to youuuu. how about your lovely self?

Y: wow someone is really straightforward. I’m doing pretty well rn thanks. what are you up to?

N: just been bored as fuck on here and then BOOM you showed up (:

Y: lol youre silly. so hows the whole dating scene look like on here? any good ones?

N: nah it sucks honestly. But now you’re here so its a million times better!

Y: oh shush lol. does this site really work? like have you actually met someone from here?

N: uhh i actually havent met anyone yet, but ive had some nice conversations so far! ive still got high hopes

Y: have you been on here for a long time?

N: i just downloaded it like two weeks ago? idk but yeah. im hoping that maybe youll be my first??

Y: your first what? haha be more specific

N: OH sorry!! i didnt mean it like that omg. i meant like my first person to meet off of this app lol

Y: i mean if youre not busy right now, we could meet up for a coffee date or something? (cliche right?)

N: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? like... right now rIGHT NOW?

Y: yeah (: sorry for doing this so fast. you’re just really cute and im bored haha

N: nooooo its fine i swear im just a little shocked. and WOW you think IM CUTE? you should look in the mirror because your gorgeousss *heart eyes emoji*

Y: so its settled? lets meet today at around 1 pm at XXX cafe? 

N: yeah! thats not too far from here! i CANT WAIT

Y: same here (:

as soon as you sent that last message you hopped in the shower and started getting ready. you debated whether to put on makeup or not and then eventually decided to do it. you wore that one red dress that greatly accentuated your butt and your curves. you checked the clock and it was 30 MINUTES UNTIL 1 so you finished up by brushing your hair and adding on a spritz of peach scented perfume. “Hopefully this impresses him.”

the cafe you guys agreed to meet at was only a short walk away from your apartment. you were almost at the cafe when you noticed the time again and it was already 10 MINUTES PAST 1! you were so scared that he thought you stood him up but as you got closer, you noticed a cute boy sitting by himself outside. you stared at his backside for a little, unsure if this was your mystery boy. so you messaged him on the app

Y: heeeey are you the one sitting alone outside with a tan shirt and some ripped black jeans?

your phone lit up with the answer to your question: “yes”

as you looked up again, you noticed the stranger you were staring at had stood up and was looking right into your eyes. once you locked eyes, he grinned the biggest smile you’d ever seen and he chuckled. 

“Hi there!! L/n, right? Nice to meet ya, I’m Nishinoya Yuu. Wow, you’re even more beautiful in person!! Do you want anything from the cafe? I’m buying”

You were kind of shocked by his beautiful smile and his spiky hair. It took you a while to respond as you tried to take in the wonderful sight in front of you. He was simply breath taking. You could tell he was the athletic type by the way his shirt hung onto his broad, toned shoulders. 

“Ummm... L/n? Are you okay? Do you want any coffee or sweets from the cafe?”

“OH, oh my god, I’m so sorry! I got distracted..” you said as you looked away from him, getting redder by the second. you hadn’t even noticed his compliment or the way he kept eyeing you up and down and licking his lips. “Yeah, I’d love to get a coffee, if you don’t mind. Please..”

His eyes snapped back up to yours. “Awesome, I’ll go order inside. You can just sit your pretty little self here while I do that. Don’t run away! I’ll be right back!”

now that you had some time to reflect on what the heck just happened.. you breathed a sigh of relief. You couldn’t believe that he was real and so goddamn gorgeous. His little tuft of blonde hair at the front of his head was so cute and his smile.. goddamn. the way he looked at you.. and his friendly demeanor. it was all so much to take in. you didn’t really know how to react. as soon as you had relaxed, you tensed back up as he came back and sat down with you.

“Here’s your coffee hot and ready just for you, hun”

“Thank you so much Nishinoya” you blushed a bit as your mouth pronounced his name

“Hey, just call me Noya! Or Yuu...”

“On a first name basis already?”

“Only if you want to..”

you giggled as you noticed that he was getting bright pink too. “Okay, Yuu.”

as soon as you said his first name, his eyes lit up and that bright pink hue on his face soon turned into a passionate red

“Soooo..” you said as you tried to break up the silence.. “what do you do? do you go to school?”

“Yeah! I’m going to start going to Sendai University in the fall! I’m going to be playing on the volleyball team! How about you?”

“No way.. I’m gonna go there too! I guess I’ll be seeing you around probably. And wow! Volleyball huh? That’s hot.”

when you said that last part, Noya almost spat out his coffee. you laughed at the look on his face. he was blushing so much he couldn’t keep still. you were almost afraid he would just run away from you and never come back.

He just tried to regain his composure and laughed. “You really got me there oh my god i almost choked. But yeah I can’t wait to play again.”

The rest of the afternoon you guys talked about everything from anime to your favorite season, to your least favorite horror movie. The more you two bonded over common interests, the more he let his wild side out. He became more rambunctious and fiery and this did things to you, to say the least. you checked your phone to check the time and it was already 6:45 pm. You had no clue as to when the sun had started setting, but it didn’t matter because you hadn’t felt this warm fuzzy feeling in your heart in a while. it felt so nice. you didn’t want it to end. but then noya interrupted your thought by saying, 

“Hey, (y/n)..” you two were on a first name basis already and it was just the first date. “it’s getting pretty late and I have to go home and help out my family with some stuff. I hope you don’t mind. Sorry! But we can definitely go out again if you want. i know i sure do..”

“Yes, of course! I totally get it. But first can I get your number?” you look away as you say this because this was the first time you’ve ever asked a guy for their number. 

you two exchange phone numbers and hug goodbye. you let the hug linger for a little longer than you should and plant a quick soft peck on his cheek and say,

“I can’t wait to see you again, Yuu.”

He just smiles and replies, “Me too, Y/n. I’ll see you again soon, babe.”

You freeze up and don’t know what to say as he walks away. you think to yourself, “did he really just call me babe?”

[drangues]

ansbwjjcnw I still gotta read it but my motivation to Do New Shit is. So very low right now. All I want are naps. BUT I’m sure an art of Tangled!Dazatsu from you would look really nice, if you decide to draw it! ALSO GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TEST IM ROOTING FOR YOU, make sure you get enough sleep and eat something filling!!! Anyways, let’s be honest- Dazai and Chuuya only get worse when their attention flustered their boyfriends. (Nyanon, 1/7)

This is because (A) they think Flustered BFs are fucking adorable, and also (B) they know this means that their boyfriends haven’t been appreciated much and that means War (on their low self image). Also I love the implication that rich kid!Dazai and Chuuya’s natural reaction to being Pissed at each other is to spoil Atsushi or Akutagawa. It’s great. And! That is: EXACTLY. What I’m saying. (Nyanon, 2/7)

I can imagine them as that one post of the writer and the artist throwing chapters and pictures at each other, ahaha. Dazai practically being the embodiment of a chaotic author is Very Fitting, he writes when he writes and in whatever genre strikes him. No, there’s no need to worry about him, he’s definitely not living on coffee and spite alone. And Atsushi is definitely the type to mostly stick to fluffy drawing, I think! (Nyanon, 3/7)

He can definitely do other things, but he probably finds drawing cute stuff comforting. Also Kyouka likes the super cute ones and he’s pretty much willing to draw whatever to keep the baby sis happy. I also imagine that he’d do commissions? Because it never hurts to have an additional source of income. Except he’s a pushover when people tell him his prices are “too high” or something, so Kyouka has to put her foot down and tell him to Not give in, haha. (Nyanon, 4/7)

(It’s okay Dazai, I’m an attention whore to. I want to be complimented too much.) And! Poor Atsushi, haha, he probably wasn’t expecting his favorite author to say he liked his art? He probably keysmashes and then draws a cute little doodle for another one of Dazai’s fics and then Dazai is just. Gone. Also ten bucks says that their first DM interaction is Dazai saying something memey. It just feels like something he’d do. (Nyanon, 5/7)

And a bonus: Kyouka does really deep analyses of different shows and books and games, and occasionally on fanfiction as well. Kunikida makes a comprehensive, huuuge post on the lore Igor different series because I feel like he’d enjoy doing something like that? Just like, organizing the background and making it more understandable, if that makes sense? I’m not sure what Chuuya would but I get the distinct sense of someone who makes edits and aesthetics from Akutagawa. (Nyanon, 6/7)

Yosano and Ranpo both probably have that weird “list of questionable shit the authors need answers to” blog or something... I’m in too deep. Help. But! Have another Concept: Faking dating jealousy cliche, with Dazatsu and Chuuaku. Basically, Chuuya decides that he and Atsushi should pretend to be a couple to see if it’ll get their crushes attention. Cue confusion and jealousy from Dazai and Akutagawa, who may or may not have realized their own feelings. (Nyanon, 7/7)

dude dont worry i was joking there no pressure!! and felt. right now im so sleep deprived and studying for a test and i have oTHER ASSIGNMENTS TO DO- its all draining, and i mainly feel bad because i havent posted any art, but i do know that fandom is not a job but a hobby and its okay that i take my time

also kyouka being his number one supporter is just!! so!! cute!!! in my opinion kyouka would be that very young but hella good with technology in the fandom like, she would make gifs and edits in an INSTANT and when everyone learns shes fourteen theyre like W H A T?? either way, shes the one who probably shows atsushi the ropes of digital art and has the vibes of that young tech person in a show that definitely can hack into any government files. (as a joke she would most definitelly do an edit of “dazai” except its just screenshots of his fics and some lines here and there with some dramatic effects and sexy music. atsushi wont admit that he has it downloaded)

dazais way to start a conversation is definitely sending a random meme to get it going, since atsushi would be too shy to initiate conversations

also kyouka doing deep analysises is so her!! she would probably even start a youtube channel where she explains everything in that robot voice and funny editing but no one can lie that all her videos are very in depth.

OH GOD KUNIKIDA IS THE TYPE TO GATHER ALL THE FACTS OF A SHOW, POST ABOUT IT. EXPLAIN THE MAGIC SYSTEM FOR ANYONE THATS CONFUSED. IF THERES AN ANIME WITH A CONFUSING PLOT THAT YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN?? KUNIKIDA IS YOUR MAN. HE CAN EXPLAIN ALL OF JOJO SEAMLESSLY AND DOES MANY REVIEWS ON ANIMES AND GATHERS ALL SORTS OF LORES MEANWHILE YOSANO AND RANPO ARE THE MORE CRACKHEADED ANALYSTS (when the three collab its just kunikida trying to be serious while yosano and ranpo do the fuckboy lip bite behind him and then throw in jokes and “author if you do not explain why these two characters are a little too fruity ill personally use my chainsaw on you” “why are these two siblings even together, wHY ARE THEY IN THE SAME BED-”)

dude. i feel like chuuya and atsushi would fake date and it would be for akutagawa. atsushi definitely wants to tell dazai about this but chuuya is afraid dazai will run his dumb mouth, plus when they “announce” it chuuya just Sees how dazais demeanor changes and is like “you know what,,lets keep this up” (either way akutagawa would end up crying like a loser in front of chuuya and chuuya would feel so bad for even fake dating to make him jealous meanwhile dazai is just mad that he couldnt have internalised his feelings and bottle them up “you just H A D to date the slug, my biggest pet peeve!!! if it was anyone else i wouldve MAYBE let it sLIDE-”)

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Fall Back to the Jet

Summary- Bucky x Y/N (Steve, Natasha, and Sam features) Cap tells you to fall back to the Quinnjet, but you decide on another option. Lucky Buckys close by. Warning- Violence, swearing. Written for @hopingforbarnes​ 250 Writing Challenge. Congrats!!!! Prompt is in bold italiacs. 

Word Count- 1.9k

It was all going smooth till Steve spoke directly to you in his com “Y/N, we have it from here, fall back to the quinnjet” 

You were still the rookie although its been a year, and Steve was the Captain, No one defies the captain, except for you. You eyed the open doorway the hydra agent just went into, taking a deep breath as your resolve settled, you werent going to sit on the quinjet any longer while the rest cleaned up. Ducking into the dark doorway, you stalked down the stairs while hearing your name being yelled at in the com “Y/N, I TOLD YOU TO FALL BACK” Sorry Cap, not this time. 

There are times in your life you maybe regret a decision, this was one of them. You thought the room was clear, sweeping your sights back and forth from the other end of a rifle, when there was a clip to the back of your head, knocking you forward and stupidly dropping your gun. “You Mother Fucker!” you yelp, and turn to face your opponent, twisting your head slightly to knock out the kink he put in your neck. He was well over twice your size, his meaty hands flexing to get around that slim column of your neck, you could see it in his eyes when he lunged at you, side stepping around him with a kick. It was like bouncing your foot off cement and didnt phase him much, smirking at you as he came at you again. “SHIT!” you state as you start blocking and trying to attack back. 

“Bucky you got her?” Steve hissed as they barged into a lab and Steve threw up the shield, blocking the barrage of bullets aimed at the two men. 

“Yea I got her” Bucky ducking behind the shield and once in a while lifting behind from it and aiming his own specially trained on targets rounds, he twisted away and went back out the way he came, using his vibranium arm to slam open doors to see them empty. “Come on Y/N, where the hell are you?” He snarled, until he heard you cussing out someone and the shallow sound of flesh getting pounded on. He hoped that it would be you doing the pounding, but when he opened the door, that certainly wasnt the case. 

Bucky came into you looking twisted around the mans arm, and him slamming you down into the floor, doing your best to keep your head from being bashed in, attempting a kick into his face, his throat, just about anywhere to get him to release his hold. Blood ran down the side of your face from your scalp and your words were flying just as much as anytime youve ever been pissed off, regardless of the situation. “If you dont let me the fuck go you dick wilted asswipe, Im gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.” If Bucky wasnt scared as hell for you at the moment, he would have rolled his eyes at you, once he realized the way you were being flung back and forth wasnt gonna allow him to take a shot, he shouldered the weapon.Close attack it would be 

Without another pause, Bucky strode forward, his strides wide and his metal arm slammed into the hyrdra agents side of the head, jarring his hand to open wrapped around your neck and you fell to the floor from a considerable height,snapping the back of your skull against the cement with a sharp cry. Rolling away from the two men clashing like titans above you. Bucky was shorter in stature then the hydra agent was, but much more quick on his feet, as well as being a super soldier, it wasnt exactly a fair hand on hand fight. Within minutes the agent was merely blocking the bone rattling blows Bucky was issuing, you were crawling across the floor to where you dropped your weapon, sitting back and putting it to your shoulder, waiting to get a clear shot.

Buckys silver hand wrapped around the back of the mans neck, the plates clinking as he tightened pressure and swung him around right in the aim of your shot, you lining hydra right up in your cross hairs, and pulling the trigger. Barnes turned his face away to keep from getting splattered from brain matter and blood. Loosening his hold, the hydras body, minus the top of his skull, collapsed with a dull thud. You lower the rifle and wince, placing your hand against your head. “Bucky... he got me pretty good.” Your vision going in and out at the moment. 

“Jesus Christ Doll” He hisses as he sidesteps around the body and goes to you, his hands cupping your face to look in your eyes. “Can you focus on me?” You blink a few times and wide eyed stare right at him best you can. 

“Hows that?” You question, grinning stupidly since your just glad Bucky got there in time. He frowned a bit and sighed, wrapping you in his arm to get you to stand. 

“Steve, I got her, Im taking her back to the Jet.” He spoke, not to you though and you didnt bother trying to get an answer. With his assistance, you two hobbled, less with sleuth, but with plenty of pauses for Bucky to check to make sure the coast was clear, the two of you headed outside. Sam was already in the jet, waiting on the two of you. 

“Steve and Nat are finishing up downloading the computer files, then they will join us. Come on Kid, I got a spot waiting for you.” 

“She had her head hit pretty badly” Bucky stated as you two followed Sam inside, going to sit you down, a wave of nausea threatened to upchuck whatever breakfast was, which what was that again? Oh yea, bowl of Wheaties, you remarking to Steve and Bucky this morning across the table. 

“Breakfast of Champs!” You werent exactly feeling like a champ right now. 

Sam looked you over to, prying one eyelid open, then the other. “I think shes going to be okay, but once we reach the compound we will be able to take a closer look.” Bucky settled in beside you and you pried them open once more. 

“Thanks for coming for me.” 

It was this moment Steve and Natasha returned, Steve snapping past you without acknowledging you at the moment. “Get us home Sam” his voice clipped, and Natasha plopped down next to you, her eyes brimming with worry. “Hey, we win some, we loose some right? You also got a hard head, I know.” She teased, having sparred and tumbled with you plenty of times. Steve stayed up at the front with Sam for the moment, but once he was sure you were okay, back home, you were most likely gonna get one of the famous Cap speeches youve seen him dish out to other agents. For now you were content to lay your head on Buckys shoulder, his hand resting against his knee, palm up. Without hesitating, you weave your fingers with his and he gives them a gentle squeeze. It might amaze others just how gentle he could be with that vibranium limb of his. Not you though. 

When the jet lands, you walk off, much more in control then before, but Bucky still hovers nearby and follows you into the medic bay. Quickly your head is checked over, a flashlight shining in your eyes, follow the finger, clean up the scrapes and blood. “Your gonna be dizzy for a few days, so nothing strenuous.” 

In this moment, you were okay with that. 

Steve came in, his demeanor still snapping in anger, but a touch calmer then before. He glanced at the medic and asked “Please, give us a few moments Ma’am, then you can have your patient back.” Bucky moved to take over bandaging the rest of you up as the medic left the room to the three of you. 

He looked at you, hands moving to rest against his hips as he seemed to asses you. “I heard your okay, Y/N. Good, you gave your team quite a scare.” You did have the audacity to look a bit sheepish, but felt the need to defend your actions. “I know, I honestly thought I had him.” 

“Thought, not good enough. Your still fairly new to the team...” This caused a look from you while Bucky patched up the back of your head as best he could. “So I think a bit more team building practices are in order Y/N. Until then, field work is off the table.” 

“What? Steve, come on.” You go to push Bucky back so you can stand up, but hes firm, firmer then you can give him credit for. “It was one mistake, I made a bad call.” 

“Yea, could have gotten you killed. Your always trying to think solo and you just cant. Were a team Y/N. We work together. Ive already made the decision.” 

You kinda gape as Steve turns to leave, fuming. You swear your heads going to blow like in those old bugs bunny cartoons where it goes off like a train whistle. “That son of a bitch just benched me. BENCHED ME!” This time you manage to move to a stand, about to storm off after Steve, but Bucky caught your arm and sat your ass back down. 

“Youve got to calm down before I can fix you up, Okay?” Bucky said calmly as he works diligently. His hands just as gentle as ever, you can barely even tell hes doing anything. You stay as still as you can, fighting back frustrated tears at the Captain benching you like this. Your tired and sore, your reaction just adding to your already bad day. “It was one mistake, one. I just hate always being told to go back to the jet when I could be helping you guys out. It was a bad call on my part, but fuck... I just wanted to be useful. I cant believe how bad this has turned into.” 

Bucky is silent for a moment before he pulls back and studies your face momentarily, and sighs. “Listen, I will talk to Steve, okay? Right now hes just being a dick. He will give everyone else crap about not following orders, but damned if he does.” You wipe at your face to get rid of the frustrated tears build up and arched your brows, hopeful. 

“You would really do that Bucky? If he says yes, I promise I wont mess up again.” 

“Course I would, and let me tell you, Steve wouldnt have listened either.” He went to pick up the tools and waste sitting on the table nearby, and scrubbed his hands clean. “Let him just cool off, hes probably speaking in worry as well Y/N. He doesnt always show it, but your just as much family as the rest of us.” 

Tentatively you go to stand, touching the bandages he finished securing gently and wincing. Without even asking he held out some aspirin that you popped immediately. “How about we go crash on the couch? You still owe me live commentary on that second little people going to drop some jewelry in a fiery hole movie. What was it again?”

This caused you to laugh. “The Twin Towers? Sounds good Bucky” 

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