#just sharing their ??? suspicious morning vibes with the world . not a single care in the world

[stromer]

wdym you “made sure of that” ??? 🫵🏼🤨

[mehphoobia]

You are beautiful

pairing - Tom Holland (actor) x Reader (college girl)

summary - Y/n is visiting her parents for the first time to Rio, whom she doesn’t know properly because they left her with her aunt when she was young. She is insecure about meeting her parents but she finds comfort in a stranger.

MASTERLIST

word count- 2.9k or around 3k

warnings - mentions of insecurity and self doubt, no swearing(cause its like my first post so gotta stay ‘pure’)

“Get up Y/N and Claudia…its 8 am already. We are going to be late.” a faint alarm could be heard from the kitchen, two rooms away from your room.

_______________________________________________________________

Your parents had been looking forward this vacation for months. With your father working in Rio for the past 7 years and your mother being a full time nurse at a nearby hospital in Rio where your parents lived, you never got a chance to feel how it felt to be with your parents. So naturally with no one to your care, you grew up with your Aunt Cass and your cousin Claudia, around whom your entire world revolved for the past 20 years.

________________________________________________________________

Grumpy, filled with laziness up to the brim Claudia dragged herself to your bed and tortured you to get up. “Just two more minutes. I swear”, you begged as if she was listening. Then came the final blow with a splash of water on your face and then well….its self-explanatory. You both got up, finished through the verbal fight which left Aunt Cass chuckling in the kitchen.

“Aren’t you a tad bit excited to go to Rio, it’s been years since your parents last spent time with you.” Asked Claudia looking at you expression-less face in the mirror while brushing your teeth. “I don’t know Cloud, it’s just that I don’t know how I should feel about it. I am nervous and scared and tired just thinking about how awkward it can get.”

________________________________________________________________

Your parents had last seen you on your 16th birthday, when they showed up at your house. The 16th year where you are neither an adult nor a child, of all those years they could have shown up, it was that year. Your mother had gifted you a manicure set and your father had bought you a hair kit and you absolutely had no idea what to do with it. Little did they know that you were more interested in trekking and photography rather than painting your nails and dyeing your hair? Where other girls chose tight fitting dresses and expensive heels you chose the comfort of sweatshirts: pajamas or jeans and sneakers.

_______________________________________________________________

“You will be fine, it’s YOU after all. If I can tolerate you enough to share my room with you then trust me, anyone can put up with you” said Claudia boasting her patience and handing a comb from her dresser. “Why don’t you curse or compliment me one at a time” you snapped annoyingly. But you were grateful for supportive arms around you which calmed you down.

After getting ready, you greeted Aunt Cass with a smile on your face and a stretched good morning as you helped yourself with some toast and orange juice. “Eat well, it’s a long flight after all” said Aunt Cass followed by a “Yes ma’am.”

“Keep your phone charged at all times. Keep calling me after every two hours and did you pack enough clothes to last you a month. I don’t want to hear your mother complaining later about it. Should I pack some extra snacks for you, you will surely not take care for meals and if you skip any your meals throughout the day, I swear you have had it then.” It never ceased to amaze you how multitasking Aunt Cass could be. She is strict, tough and a woman of her words. There was not a single day when you and Claudia had not done your college assignments or homework with Aunt Cass being at home. But at the same time she would sit with you past midnight when both of you cousins stayed awake for you midterms. Maybe that’s why you never missed your parents because you never had a void in your life, Claudia and Aunt Cass had filled it lovingly.

That being said, before you knew it all three of you were in the car and already off for the airport. The entire ride was filled with constant chattering as to how famous and beautiful Rio is and as how will not be able to walk down a street without bumping into a celebrity. However you were lost in your thoughts about living with your parents for a month, about whom you knew nothing and neither did they about you.

After reaching the Leipzig Airport, you waved them goodbye, leaving the loving and proud embrace of Aunt Cass and a cute envious look on Claudia’s face you were all set for Rio.

During the flight:

It was a 15hr flight, with the overthinking and hyperactive person you were there was no possible way you could have had a simple excited flight journey, but there is no harm in wishing one for right? Or so you thought.

When you were boarding the plane you noticed an unusual number of bodyguards outside, literally engulfing the poor person standing in middle. What annoyed you the most was the people who were cheering, because at some point of time it wasn’t cheering anymore, it was a mob attack. After boarding, what greeted you were the over excited air-hostesses which was obviously because ‘the person’ as you painfully learnt through the mob attack. But all you could care at that moment was your seat being a window seat or not, and luckily it was. After putting your hand luggage in the upper compartment (you had three suitcases and one hand luggage) you finally asked a fellow passenger dressed in black hoodie with a mask on his face and skinny jeans as to what exactly was the commotion about and to brief you about the situation. The answer surprised you- it was none other than Tom Holland.

Your mouth was literally in the O shape and eyes wide open. It was the Tom Holland. It was your favorite actor travelling in the same flight with you. That explained the mob attack. The only person that came to you upper floor was your Claudia.

Y/N: TOM HOLLAND is in the flight right now!!!!!! Tom freaking Holland.

Claudia: wwwwhhhhaaatttt!!!???????, damn I knew I should have gone with you. How could you do this to me? Why?

Y/N: I am sorry ok I didn’t know or wait maybe I did. His visit to Leipzig was mentioned in his itinary on his twitter account how could we miss that? We just got lucky man and also I was squashed in the mob attack at the airport.

Claudia: Oh! You mean you got lucky dipshit!? Please tell me you got a picture!

Y/N: no I couldn’t, I hardly knew about him being on the plane I asked someone and I have been freaking out since.

*announcement for switching off electrical devices.*

Y/N: I have to switch off my phone for a while, the flight’s gonna take off.

Claudia: okay, I knew I should have come with you. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!text me soon..love you

Y/N: yeah you should have, I miss you. Love you too.

“Are you a fan too?” asked your neighbor. You look at him with suspicious eyes was he eying your texts? Because if he was, that’s not healthy and it creeped you out.  Even though, “well yes, me and my sister.” You said and hoped the conversation will die out there. He took the answer and you could imagine a small smirk curling upon his face by the wrinkling of his eyes which was adorable. By his physique and posture he looked no older than early twenties. “What about you, are you fan?” you asked, unknowingly and regretted it immediately. “He doesn’t bugger me, so you could say so. How long have you been a fan?” ,“My aunt happened to be watching ‘The Impossible’, when we were younger and we have been crazy about him since. My sister liked him like crazy as to how cute he was but I liked his acting in the movie but ended up liking him too.”

“Very interesting..” something about him was attracting you, maybe his aura, the charming vibes, you didn’t know, but you were just attracted. But something pinned you, his accent, he had a British accent. Unknowingly, when your eyes met, your heart skipped a beat. It’s him. He was sitting right here. He realized your surprised expression and said, ”You can take a picture now” he chuckled and looking directly at you. Your brain on the other hand was still processing the vital information and the very awesome physique with veiny and beautiful hands and captivating eyes. How could you miss his eyes, those beautiful passion filled dark brown eyes.

“uh..um..h hi, I mean hello nice to meet you, I am Y/N”, ”Tom Holland” he said extending a hand not taking his eyes off of you. It amazed you really, how could he despite being an actor maintain such a down to earth personality. The way he talks, listens to you, waits for your reply and him being in the economy class instead of comfortably sitting in the first class seating arrangements. Wait!?Why was he here?. As if he read your mind and a sudden change in your expression from being flustered to confused. “Too many people, I needed to get out of there and breathe by myself for once. No cameras, no media, no stylists….jus… just plain old me. By the way, my manager is my imposter”, he said with a smirk on his face.

“Oh sure, I can understand that, it can get tiring sometimes. The attention being forced on you that you were never used to it. My parents too, in that way, been out of my life since the very year I turned 1 and suddenly they want meet me and want me to stay with them for a month in Rio. I didn’t want to but my aunt convinced me and I couldn’t say no to her. ”, ”You stayed with your aunt your entire life? Didn’t you miss your parents?” his passionate eyes suddenly changed into concern and pity, “yeah, but she means a lot to me, she was there for all my dance ceremonies, each and every one of my birthday’s , my graduation, she means the world to me so does my sister, she is like my pillar, my support , an annoying one at that.” You said smiling on you lap, and you could feel his gaze softening upon yours. ”my parents, uhh…you can never miss something you never had.” You looked at him again, but this time you could feel and see his gaze on you, watching you and never leaving your eyes.

Both you were so lost in each other that you didn’t realize when the flight had taken off and the snacks table breaking your moment. “Oh it’s been so long already since the plane took off, I didn’t realize we even missed the safety instructions”, you both chuckled at that. “Oh man!, you are really beautiful, really” he said running his hand down his locks and realizing that his tone was a bit too loud, and he meant to keep the compliment to himself. “Sorry?” you asked, despite you pretty much heard it when he said it, you wanted to hear it again.

“uhh..i m..mean your teeth are beautiful.” He realized what he said and his expression was like ‘did I really just say that?’. “I mean your smile is beautiful, Not your teeth..oh wait..I mean your teeth are beautiful too but your smi…” you couldn’t hold you laugh anymore looking at him and his cute ‘war’ with himself. “Thank you, I guess, a lot of people say that about me after I got my braces removed.”

“Oh you had braces? Since when?” “around when I was 15, like every girl wanted to look pretty and wanted boys around her ,so me and my sister had braces for the sake of it, not that I cared about me getting a boyfriend, just for fun”. He seemed to have got stuck on one word, “so you got one?”…”got what?” , “a boyfriend I mean?”. His expression changed and yet again you could feel blood rushing to your cheeks, “I always wanted a crazy guy, who could have something similar to my interests, ‘cause I am not like every other girl in the town, I am into trekking and photography and outdoor activities, not just a girl who likes shopping and who always has to be around people so, my specifications are a bit particular, so I have never had a boyfriend.”

“So, no boyfriend, right?” he asked as if that being the only part he was interested in, or who knows may be he actually was.

After a few hours, you realized you had a lot of things in common and the internet was all wrong about his interests and all. It was like meeting a complete different person, a person whom you have known for the longest time as if you have always been together. You were attracted to him and so was he to you, and you could tell that.

“So what are you doing in Germany? Did you have a shoot here?” you didn’t mind asking because he already had mentioned a lot of stuff that he was not supposed to and also his eyes lit up when he was excited to tell you about some stuff anything at all. “uh..yeah we had to film a segment in Berlin and then we decided to take a break, so I around different places and now we are heading towards the Carnival.” “oh Carnival huh? My aunt says its pretty lively. That was like the main reason why I agreed to go Rio. ”

“so don’t mind me asking, but are you going to be awkward around your parents? Like I know you are not very close to them..” he asked you sincerely concerned with his hands slightly brushing off of yours on the handle of the seat. It’s like he wanted to hold your hand because he knew the weight of his question but he felt like you would disintegerate if he did so. You could feel the same pit around your stomach filled with nervousness that you had forgotten about a for couple hours. “I don’t know, it’s complicated, I don’t know anything about them and also they might have certain expectations about me and what do I do if I do not live up to it. I know we haven’t had a very comfortable story build around us but somehow I don’t wanna disappoint them from my side because they don’t know anything about me like the birthday incident I mentioned about. But I simply don’t want to disappoint because I don’t want my mother, who was never there for me, to question my aunt, who has always been there for me” It’s like you pour the entire timeline of your life in front of  Tom and you were scared if he would drift away. “I understand Y/N, but your parents were the ones who planned this trip right?” “yeah they were the ones.” “so that’s it, you know when I have too much on my plate, my manager asks me to take a break and let everything go for sometime. All my meetings and appointments are cancelled because I will ruin them anyway, so there is no point of it. Your situation is kind of similar too, you have had a lot in your life with you parents not being there and now you simply just have to take a break and forget everything for a while because that’s what your aunt wants to you to do.” His hand finally rested upon yours and none of you flinched. It’s as if it’s meant to be.

That being said, you have already arrived in Rio and a beautiful ocean greeted you with open arms and you accepted it with a fresh mind. Tom’s hand still resting over yours and his fingers brushing the upper part of your hand and you look at each other embracing each other’s warmth with your eyes. That’s when you realized that you have fallen for him, not Tom Holland but just him, just Tom.

After the plane landed he was still holding on to you, scared to let go. He was scared to let you go because he cared about you and some fact had gotten him attracted towards you and he was scared to show you his vulnerable side. On the other hand you were scared to let go because you might never see him again. As if he sensed it again, what you were thinking, “I will see you again for sure. Don’t worry.” With a tight squeeze on his hand you let go and say “thank you, I will wait for you.”

“me too.”

You didn’t see him again after departing the flight, he would steal glances out of every opportunity to see you ,lost between the flashes of cameras and cheering, till the last second. The last time you saw him was to murmur something to his manager pointing towards you and that was it, the escalator distanced him from you. But you would still wait..

Outside the gate you could see your parents waiting for you, with Tom’s words in your mind you greeted them with a smile and everything seemed normal, as if they were always with you.

Two weeks later, still no message from Tom.

Claudia bombarded you with messages, when you told her about the entire duration of the flight. You were kind of annoyed with messages cause they were literally somewhere is hundreds. So you decided to ignore her for sometime.

*Ting* some part of you wanted to check that message but the other part of you wanted to go eat pizza because you were really tired from messaging and explaining everything to Claudia over texts. But then you were like *screw it* and you checked the message and…

*unknown number*: I said you were really beautiful Y/N….

A/n- uh..first of all thank you for reading this, cause it like my first post and my first fanfiction so i was a bit skeptical about posting this but fuck it, here it is guys it took me around four hours to complete this and its worth it. 

also if you wanna be tagged in this just let me know!!! *uwu face*

lemme know if you want a part 2 of this, because I will gladly include it with improvement of course, love you ppl...

[eddie-redmayne-italian-blog]

I never read before, interesting article !

How nurse caught nation’s deadliest serial killer, her co-worker

By Post Staff Report

April 14, 2013 | 4:00am

The Good Nurse: A True Story of Medicine, Madness, and Murder [Hardcover] Charles Graeber For Sunday Postscript

He was supposed to be an angel of mercy — but he was an angel of death, and likely the most prolific serial killer America has ever seen.

Charles Cullen had most recently been a nurse at Somerset Medical Center in New Jersey when he was arrested for killing patients with drug cocktails he secretly administered. He confessed to 40 murders in New Jersey and Pennsylvania — though investigators believe he may have killed as many as 400. He is currently serving 17 life sentences.

It was never revealed how detectives were able to stop him — until now. In a new book, “The Good Nurse,” author Charles Graeber unveils the identity of a confidential informant, Amy Loughren, who cracked the case.

Loughren was another nurse at Somerset, a co-worker and confidant of Cullen. Contacted by detectives, Loughren agreed to provide them files from the hospital, wear a wire to try to get him to confess, even talk to him in the interrogation room.

It was Loughren who first realized the scope of Cullen’s madness. This exclusive excerpt reveals the chilling moment, in November 2003, that Amy Loughren discovered how Cullen was picking — and killing — his victims.

Amy found curious combinations of drugs that Charlie had consistently ordered. The list was long, sometimes half a dozen in a night. Amy knew these drugs to be more commonly used in a cardiac unit. Charlie was working in intensive care. His orders emptied the supply drawers.

Then, time and time again, Charlie ordered a restock from the pharmacy. His position meant he’d be the first to take the delivery. At the time, he was seen as being helpful. Now Amy wasn’t so sure.

The two Somerset detectives who had contacted her, Tim Braun and Danny Baldwin, were investigating the deaths of a handful of patients who had suspicious levels of a heart drug called digoxin in their systems.

HOW HERO NURSE GOT CHARLES CULLEN TO CONFESS

Detectives were trying to trace a single gun; Amy thought this was pointing to an entire arsenal.

Charlie had been bartending, titrating a pharmacopoeial mélange, from both drugs he’d pulled from the cabinet and drugs he hadn’t.

Each drug in the cocktail had a specific biochemical effect. Together, they were a biochemical symphony. In combination, it didn’t require nearly so much of any one drug to push a vulnerable patient over the edge. One drug pushed while the other pulled.

Only the patient’s reaction mattered. The gap of time between the serving of the cocktail and the patient’s reaction was suspenseful. There might be a crash or a code or a Lazarus-like recovery. The cocktail was the riddle and the lab reports were the answer.

Amy had imagination enough to make sense of the patterns, but she couldn’t begin to imagine the monster that amused itself with them. All she was certain of was that it wasn’t the same gentle soul who was her friend Charlie. The emotional disconnect bothered her as much as the murders themselves.

Amy considered herself to be a perceptive person — a spiritual traveler, a listener with well-tuned antennae for the frequency of vibes. Growing up as she did, she had always assumed that if she was near a monster, she would feel it. And yet, standing next to Charlie, she had never felt anything like evil.

Maybe she’d gotten him wrong, or maybe her antennae were broken. Or maybe, Amy thought, she was half blind and could see only the good in people.

Somerset used a computer system for keeping track of patients called Cerner. Charlie’s Cerner pages told her she had assumed wrong. Charlie was not, actually, the world’s greatest nurse, the world’s greatest chart keeper Amy had ever seen. He had hardly typed a line.

It was, in fact, the worst charting Amy had ever seen. There were blotches of words here and there, blurts, spasms of hurried and misspelled observations. It couldn’t have taken him more than a minute to do that work. Whatever he was doing on the computer, it wasn’t input. That meant Charlie had been outputting something.

Amy had to wait until her next shift to print out the rest of the records. This time, she couldn’t wait until she got home. That morning she called ahead, then brought her paperwork to the second floor of the prosecutor’s office to share her discovery with the detectives.

The Cerner automatically kept track of everything a nurse did within the system and provided a time and date stamp of every page a nurse had browsed. Charlie was browsing all night. That was what he was doing. Browsing.

Cullen’s computer records were the most incriminating piece of evidence the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office had against him thus far. But in order for the detectives to understand it, Amy needed to provide a quick primer.

Cerner had been introduced to the medical profession only a few years before as a compact and efficient way to input notes on patients, to look up their allergies, code status, lab values, etc.

But nurses were only supposed to do that for the patients they were caring for on shift.

What nurses never did, at least not any nurses Amy had ever known, was use Cerner to look up the status of other nurses’ patients. But that, it seemed, was exactly what Charlie Cullen had been doing.

Amy started with Charlie’s June forays into the chart of one patient, the Rev. Florian Gall. The hospital records showed that Gall had gone into cardiac arrest at 9:32 a.m. on the morning of June 28 and died approximately 45 minutes later.

Gall was not Cullen’s assigned patient on the night he died. Yet the Cerner records showed Charles Cullen snooping into Gall’s medical chart at 6:28 a.m., then again at 6:29 a.m. on June 28. He was checking in, only minutes apart, looking for something only a half-hour after a digoxin spike had registered in Gall’s lab work and three hours before the digoxin levels in Gall’s system would stop his heart.

“And that’s just Gall,” Amy said. The Cerner records contained lines and lines of Charlie Cullen’s log-ins at the computer, thousands of them, sometimes hundreds a night.

“He was studying them,” Danny said. “Why the f— was he studying them?”

Amy thought she knew. The nurses had IV bags lined up for them. But what if Charlie had made a drug cocktail, and injected it into one or more of the IV bags sitting by where he worked?

He wouldn’t need to bring them to the patient’s rooms, he wouldn’t need to be present at all. The other nurses — even Amy — would do that work for him. Charlie could simply retreat to his corner and use the Cerner to scan the lab reports and the patient’s progress.

Cerner would tell him where his loaded IVs landed. He wouldn’t need to be present for the death to feel the impact; you could just scan back on the Cerner anytime and follow the action.

It could be that same night or the next day, it didn’t matter; the event was always available on the screen to be relived again and again.

Was that what he was doing? Amy felt her heart beginning to sicken. She had delivered his drug cocktails.

And her friend Charlie had been following the action across the ward, like the box scores on a sports page.

Excerpted from “The Good Nurse: A True Story of Medicine, Madness, and Murder” (Twelve), by Charles Graeber, out tomorrow.

[mildly-incoherent-ramblings]

A Breakup And A Party (Writing Prompt)

Friendships at the punk house were always strained to some extent. When you have a bunch of dysfunctional people with fucked up backgrounds all crammed in a space together living in squalor, conflict is inevitable, and as normal as taking a shit once a day. There was a party, and bands were set up in the living room. Alcohol was brought and supplied in surplus by the many attendees, to the point where there were just unopened fifths of booze laying around you could pick up and take a swig of and no one would fuck with you. There wouldn't be any running out that night. This was pre-covid times, so people didn’t care about sharing drinks or being close. Taking a swig meant having the courage to down a good 2% backwash-to-alcohol content from about 20 or so other people as well as the gunk left on the lip of the bottle from the last guy, but these kids had more important things to worry about. 

The space was crammed, poorly vented, disgusting. Everyone loved it. Bands played for about 15 minutes at a time with a few people out front watching for cops who would rotate between sets. On a busy street like that one, noise complaints were not common, so there was truthfully little to be worried about. In the backyard, two girls were making out passionately on a half busted wooden bench, trying to avoid getting splinters in their asses, and a dbeat kid studded head to toe keeled over the side of the back fence to vomit, a romantic backdrop for their little moment. A circle of stoner kids that had no affiliation with punk but kind of just showed up wherever the drugs were sat and passed around a suspiciously funny smelling joint, remarking on how they didn't know about all this “heavy shit” but liked the general vibe. 

Nearby, Henry, double fisting two bottles of store-brand ripoff Jack belched as he attempted to utter the question “So when is our set?” only realizing after that he was, in fact, talking to a fence. He stumbled up the dangerously busted stairs and swung open the back door violently proclaiming that he was ready to party as if he hadn't already been for the last several hours. Henry was sauced constantly, to the point where a lot of his intoxicated tendencies were just seen as part of his natural demeanor. You generally could not tell when he was drunk or not because he was always drunk. 

In the back room several kids piled on a stinky old leather couch just barely supporting their weight, ready to bust. In the middle of them was one kid in a thrasher vest trying to brush his long hair out of the way with his elbow as he attempted to cut several lines of coke on a busted DVD copy of Videodrome. The kid next to him sneezed, and the powder flew like a sad little cloud, and instantly he was shoved from the couch and told to leave, booted out by the other couch kids with great aggression and narrowly escaping an ass kicking through the kitchen door. Thankfully they were all already way too wasted to get up, so when he left the room, it was as though he had not existed. They licked their fingers and wiped the coke residue from the DVD and dabbed it on their tongues fiendishly hoping to get every last little bit. A crusty kid knelt on the floor and tried to sweep up what was left and snorted it, with all the grime and debris it had mixed with. Realistically, he had consumed worse before. His friends laughed.

The last band had finished their set and Henry had set aside his two bottle friends to plug in his amp when Nelson walked in wondering loudly where the fuck their drummer was. Stink wasn’t even a punk kid, he was a DJ and fucked with the electronic scene, who just so happened to really like drumming on the side. Speaking personally as the narrator removed from this situation, I would argue that his insistence in being there while also taking no interest in the music or community whatsoever was the most punk thing anyone present was doing. 

But, where was he? 

As Nelson hurried to set up the mics and get things in order, Hackney arrived with his bass set up, ready to play within seconds. He always had his shit together. His eyes were red from the 100g edible he had just eaten (the thc content in legally sold edibles was not as heavily regulated at that time so these things were easy to access in the city.) Yet somehow he was clear and present, and immediately irritated that even though they were supposed to start their set right now, their drummer was not even present, and the other two members were wasted beyond belief, even for them. 

Just up the stairs however, a frustrated Stink and his girlfriend Melody were amidst a heated quarrel over several unresolved relationship issues that really could have been discussed at another time. But, as alcohol has a tendency to inhibit judgement and heighten a certain sense of impulse, one or the other, it was unclear who, thought it to be the best time to try to have a discussion. Not just thought so, they felt it had to happen NOW, or their fun time for the night would be ruined with no chance of salvation. 

Stink was not exactly emotionally present, or competent, and communicated poorly. He was also a notorious cheater, an aspect Melody would frequently be in denial of in despite of his repeated offenses, sometimes in full view of her and her friends. He truthfully was not the type to be able to have a girlfriend, but was also unfortunately passive to a fault, and could not stand to end a relationship with someone as lovely and admittedly clingily as Melody. She adored him maybe a bit too much, and had this hope that she could change him somehow. 

 A side-note, from your very gay little narrator here: Please, women of the world, understand. You cannot change your dirtbag boyfriend. Leave Him, Honey. You will be so glad you did. I promise you that. You deserve better. You really do. 

They were fully engaged in an aggressive back-and-forth complete with insults and counter-accusations fit for an episode of Jerry Springer. Melody was clutching a broken red solo cup in her left fist she had crushed in frustration, the remaining beer inside it dripping on the wooden floor. Stink was guzzling a pint of Ancient Age between cruel remarks. After a particularly sour comment, that red solo cup collided with his crooked face, and he returned fire with the nearly empty bottle of Ancient Age. Just then, Henry came storming into the room, grabbed Stink by the collar and dragged him out, leaving Melody to sit and sob on the bed for a little while before composing herself and venturing down the stairs to fix her makeup. Not a single person in this situation even once considered that this was not their room to begin with. The gentleman who lived there would soon come home to discover that his space was briefly a theater for domestic violence in his absence, a discovery that enraged him to say the least. 

Having dragged him down the steps the way a fed up mother would drag a misbehaving child by the ear, Henry shoved Stink behind his drum kit which some well-to-do hipsters took upon themselves to set up for him so the time wasted would not eat into their experimental shoegaze/normcore set, scheduled for immediately after. Seemingly not phased by the last hour or so of nonsense, the band immediately started to go through their setlist. In all fairness, they had a reputation for some level of inconsistency, so when they missed their own cues or played in a tempo different from what was intended for the song no one really noticed it. The whole time, Melody stood amidst the crowd of crust punks, dbeat kids and preppy art school kids, glaring at Stink from behind his drum kit. He however seemed indifferent to the whole situation, and avoided looking her direction for the entire set. 

They would not speak for the rest of the night, he sequestering himself off with his bandmates who went to have a smoke out front and then wandered down the street to the bodega for even more booze they definitely did not need; her nestling herself in the comfort of a small group of queer and trans kids who in despite of being welcomed by this “progressive” community felt as isolated and excluded as ever. They fixed her eyeliner and complimented her outfit while giving her some much needed space to vent, and the rest of the night she spent enjoying the company of her new friends. She would not speak to him again for weeks. Conversely, he would act as though none of it happened and wondered with emotive confusion to his friends why she was upset in despite of her having told him very clearly why. The relationship eventually ended, but not before several attempts at resurrection much to the distaste of their friends on either side who could see what neither was able to; that the combination of the two together was like mixing bleach and ammonia. A very bad idea. 

Upon their return, Henry stayed behind outside, lit another Marlboro, and looked up at the sky. The fog loomed over the distant hills. The occasional car on the nearby overpass zoomed by. He found a moment of peace there. He was the eye of the storm, the settling of the dust before it would be kicked up again. On the horizon, the faintest hint of the morning light began to glow over the city, and the night finally ended. 

Semi-Fictional. The people existed, only some of this actually happened.

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (11)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 35.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Phil hates taking public transit anywhere that he hasn't memorized a route and the inevitable issues with it, but he's not about to ask his parents for a ride to the city. In fact, he ducks out of the house with nothing but a 'be back later' tossed over his shoulder. His stomach is making unhappy noises the entire ride to the Rusholme area, and he regrets not putting a cereal bar or something in his bag after his parents went to sleep. He supposes that he could have braved breakfast and his parents' disappointment, but he desperately did not want to deal with that so early in the morning.

He's grumpy from lack of caffeine and food by the time he tumbles into the coffee shop, but he can't help his mouth from curving upwards when he sees Dan behind the counter. They're handling a customer, but their face lights up when they make eye contact with him, like they thought he wouldn't show. Phil gives them a little wave and drops his stuff on an armchair by the cozy fireplace. He's planning on being here for a while, he might as well stake his claim on the good seat now.

The fact that the chair has an unobstructed view of the counter isn't on purpose, but Phil can't pretend he isn't happy about it. He takes his jacket and scarf off, waiting for the stranger to go away so he doesn't have to hem and haw over his breakfast choice with an audience.

Phil should probably be using this time to look at the drinks on the chalkboard menu or the fresh pastries in the case, but he's too distracted.

It's been a day. A single day. Less, even, since it hasn't been a full 24 hours. And yet his eyes keep drifting back to Dan like it's been ages since he's seen them. Their eyes are lined thickly with what looks like black ink and their lips are shiny, but their face is otherwise bare. Phil wouldn't be able to clock the lack of makeup at all if he hadn't woken up beside Dan's clean face and accidentally memorized it.

Finally, the customer leaves, and Phil is free to approach the bar without feeling like an idiot. He gives Dan a sheepish sort of grin as he sidles up, only now looking at his options.

"Morning," says Dan, in that vaguely cheerful customer service voice. They push their sleeves up to their elbows like they need to be doing something with their hands, and Phil gets distracted again by the new shade on their nails and the shape of their forearms. "What can I get you?"

"Uh," Phil says eloquently. "Coffee. And food?"

Dan's smile twists into a smirk and they look like they're barely holding back laughter. "Funnily enough, we do those things here. Do you know what kind of, uh, coffee and food you want?"

It takes all of Phil's self control not to flip Dan off or tease them right back. He wouldn't bother holding back, normally, but there's a man with a 'manager' nametag working the espresso machine and the last thing he wants is to get Dan in trouble. Phil turns his attention to the menu again. He's retaining just as much nothing as he was before. "Uh," he says again. After a moment of thought that lasts far too long, Phil ends up shrugging. "Surprise me?"

"Sure," says Dan. Their eyes are sparkling, and Phil finds that just as hard to look away from as the glitter that had been on their face before.

"I'm kinda lactose intolerant," Phil informs them, just for something to say that he doesn't have to think too hard about. "And I like sugar. Like a lot."

"I can work with that." Dan shoos him away with their big hands, still smirking. "Go on, go sit down. If we get busy back here I'll call for you, but I can probably just bring it over."

Phil glances at the manager. "You sure?"

Dan follows his gaze, brow furrowed in slight confusion, and then rolls their eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. Gabe doesn't give a shit if we talk to our friends as long as we get our work done. Right, Gabe?"

"Whatever," Gabe says, almost monotone in how little he seems to care.

"It's fine," says Dan. "Go. Sit."

Phil doesn't have much of a choice but to go take up camp by the fireplace. He takes out his phone and checks in with his friends to make sure they got home alright and to subtly see if any of them are mad at him. He doesn't like the idea of them feeling like the whole weekend was a bust - even if it kind of was - and he likes the idea of them being irritated with him even less. He's having enough trouble with the reality of his parents being unhappy with his choices.

The last thing he needs is for the other important people in his life to be feeling the same way. He fields PJ's concern and Chris' flirting and Sophie's helpful links to sleep paralysis theories with relative ease. He doesn't care about his own problems with the Wilkins place or the situation he's put himself in as much as he cares about what his best friends think.

The fact of the matter is, Phil knows he can't do this forever. He doesn't need his parents telling him that. He likes what he does, more often than not, but it's getting harder and harder to keep pushing himself into a routine that he might have outgrown by now.

He has so many ideas. There are so many stories he wants to tell and far too many different ways he could be telling them. He wonders if he keeps going back to other peoples' ghost stories because it's easier, safer, than putting innermost parts of himself out there for public consumption. Luckily, his friends aren't pushing him yet. He imagines it's only a matter of time before they notice that he's just going through the motions.

Even so, he doesn't like hearing things from his parents about his wasted potential. He doesn't need them to say what he's already thinking about all the time.

"Hey, you still on Earth?"

Phil starts a bit and almost drops his phone. Dan is standing there, setting a steaming mug and a cinnamon roll on the rickety end table at Phil's elbow. They smile at him and he smiles back, just a little embarrassed about zoning out so drastically.

"Sorry," he says, immediately reaching for the mug. "Haven't had coffee yet."

"What a tragedy," says Dan.

"It is," Phil insists. He takes a big gulp of the drink, ignoring Dan's protests that it's too hot. The mix of chocolate and cocoa hit his tongue and probably scald it, but Phil isn't about to start waiting for his drinks to cool down now. He hums happily and fits both hands around the mug to leech its warmth. "Oh, this is good."

He doesn't think he's imagining how pleased Dan looks by the compliment, but he manages to half convince himself that they're just proud of their barista-ing skills.

"Thanks," Dan says happily. They shift their weight from one foot to the other and pull their sleeves back down. Phil wonders if they're actually getting warm and then cold again, or if they just don't know how to act when their hands aren't busy with something. Phil notices that the shop is more or less dead - there's a trio of students with earphones in and textbooks open by the window and Gabe obviously continues to exist behind the counter, but it's not at all the same vibe as spending a late morning in a Brighton Starbucks. Phil has done that many times, and all it ever manages to do is make his anxiety worse.

He doesn't feel like that here, like he's taking up space and not moving fast enough. He feels like he's allowed to loiter here as long as he wants to, as long as he keeps buying coffee and doesn't distract Dan too much. It's nice.

"Are you just gonna stand there?" Phil asks.

Dan's cheeks flush a bit, more obvious without the glitter and skin-like paste - Sophie might have called it foundation, once, but Phil thinks that's probably a house term and not a face term and he hadn't actually been listening closely.

"Well, yeah," they say with a tiny shrug. "I can only sit down for a bit at a time until my breaks, but Gabe doesn't care if I hang out over here. I just gotta look busy."

"Okay," says Phil. He waits for another couple of seconds before he gently adds, "You don't look busy."

Something in Phil's stomach twists when Dan blushes deeper and starts pretending to organize the trinkets on the mantle. He wonders how much of Dan's insistence on moving around is because of where they are and how much of it is their inability to sit still. It's unfortunate how cute Phil finds them. He really shouldn't.

He decides to put off this line of thought, again, because he's got a cinnamon roll and an unfortunately-cute person to focus on. He's not going to think about how many times he's already procrastinated this budding crush. He eats and drinks and makes idle comments about where certain things should be and generally winds Dan up a bit. They only manage to sit still for a couple minutes at a time, even though they need to help a total of customers twice more before Phil needs a refill.

The drink Dan brings over this time is a different colour than the mocha, and Phil sniffs at it suspiciously before taking a sip. He was raised well, so he doesn't spit it out, but it's a close call. Dan seems to see something on his face, because they throw back their head and cackle a bit.

"Okay, not a dark roast guy," they tease, reaching for the mug like they intend to give Phil something else entirely. Phil pulls it out of their reach and shakes his head.

"No, hey, I'll drink it," he huffs. "Just point me to the sugar. I need a gallon of it."

--

Phil doesn't actually get much opportunity to talk to Dan in the handful of hours he sits around the coffee shop, but that doesn't surprise him very much. He gets comfortable with his laptop, legs tucked up under him in increasingly pretzel-like ways, and passes the time by editing the footage they do have. It isn't much, and that almost frustrates him enough to walk out and get the soonest train south, but every time he reaches that point, Dan is there with their big smile and another experimental drink in hand.

He's never really considered himself picky when it comes to hot drinks, since he likes his coffee instant and his tea weak, but Dan is quickly changing his mind about that. Most of the things Dan brings him are gross or just not something Phil would ever voluntarily order again, and Phil starts to think that he's probably the problem here.

"No more," Phil whines when he sees Dan making another mug of something indistinguishable.

The students in the corner have left, although Phil can't remember when, and Gabe is in the back doing... something, so he doesn't feel self-conscious talking across the small shop. At this point in the day, it's just him and Dan.

Dan laughs loudly and shakes their head. "This is for me, you big baby," they say. "My shift is done. I figured I could have a drink, if that's quite alright with you."

"I suppose that's fine," Phil grins. He saves all his work and shuts down his laptop, stretching his legs out for the first time in ages. He's gotten up to pee enough times that Dan probably thinks there's something wrong with him, but he's been in a bit of a research vortex. "Thanks. For, y'know, letting me come hang out here."

"Sure, anytime," Dan says. They sound sincere about it, not like they're just saying so.

"What do I owe you?" Phil asks, digging around in his bag for his wallet. He doesn't have all his equipment with him or anything, but his laptop bag is still cluttered with a bunch of nonsense he doesn't actually need to carry around.

Dan rattles off a number that doesn't sound correct at all, so Phil adds another bill to the pile before heading to the counter. Dan opens their mouth like they're going to protest. Phil isn't exactly in the mood to argue, so he just walks back to his chair without a word. He hears a loud, exasperated sort of sigh behind him, but then the sound of the cash drawer opening. Dan ducks into the back room for a couple of minutes and when they come back they're out of uniform and holding a travel mug with Pokémon all over it.

They're dressed more comfortably than Phil has seen them before. A dark hoodie that's clearly a couple sizes too big is hanging off their frame, falling somewhere around their thighs. It's a different shade of black than their leggings, but Phil doesn't think it matters to them. Their curls are a bit ruffled from being under a cap - still looking as soft as Phil remembers, though.

"Hi," Dan says, grinning a bit hesitantly as they sit in the armchair across from Phil. They hold their travel mug close to their face like it's a shield, but it's no use. Phil already saw the pink tinge of their cheeks and won't be fooled into thinking it's from the heat.

"Hey," Phil says, resisting the urge to hide his own smile behind his hand. "That hoodie looks so comfy."

Dan looks down, as if they'd already forgotten what they threw on. "Oh, yeah, it really is. I basically need pyjamas for this lecture or I'll be grouchy all day."

"What class was it?" Phil asks. He realises that he doesn't actually know what Dan is studying. Then his brain tumbles further down that rabbithole, because there's a lot he doesn't actually know about Dan. They've spent so much of their new friendship just talking about Phil's job and all the nonsense that comes with it.

"Human Impacts on the Biosphere," Dan says with a wry smile, like they know exactly how little Phil knows about the topic.

"You're studying biology?" Phil asks. Dan shakes their head, but they don't laugh or anything like Phil's question is a stupid one. He feels like it probably was.

"Environmental science," Dan corrects him. "But it's a biology class, so you're not far off."

"That's really cool," Phil says sincerely.

Dan blinks a few times in quick succession, and the fluttering of their long lashes is hypnotizing. They seem surprised that Phil is taking an interest, or maybe that Phil finds science cool. He doesn't know anything about it, really, but that's never stopped him from being interested in a topic. Especially when someone who actually knows what they're talking about is walking him through it - like Sophie with her experiments or PJ with his junkyard sculptures. Phil doesn't have to have a working knowledge of something to enjoy talking about it.

"Really?" Dan says, that familiar skepticism behind their sparkling eyes.

"Save the planet and all that, right?" Phil guesses. He must have guessed right, because Dan gives him a smile brighter than the fire beside them. "Yeah, I don't know much about it, but it sounds cool. What year are you in?"

"Third year, ready to be done with it."

Phil remembers what that was like. He also remembers all over again that Dan is twenty-one, like the fact had been simmering just under the surface until now. It isn't that Phil is drastically older than them or anything - more like he's nostalgic for an age he didn't even like all that much when he was experiencing it.

Things were their own kind of screwed up in Phil's third year of uni, but at least he still had... hope. Hope that his parents would come around to the hobby that was slowly starting to make him money, hope that he'd find a guy who liked his particular brand of weirdness, hope that he'd be able to do something with his life that he enjoyed. One by one, those hopes started to feel further and further away until he was here, turning twenty-six in two months and with nothing but a moderate-to-severe anxiety disorder and a couple thousand quid in his savings to show for it. He never even found a guy who'd put up with him for longer than two dates. He wonders what sort of hopes Dan has right now. He tries not to wonder how long it's going to be before they, too, start to feel like it's useless.

"Are you okay?"

Phil shakes himself out of his own thoughts, meeting Dan's eyes again. They're so warm and lovely that Phil feels a bit better just looking at them.

"Yeah," he lies, starting to pack up his stuff. "Just hungry, y'know. Teatime."

"Oh, right," says Dan. They look a bit startled, but whether that's from Phil's abruptness or the time of day, Phil has no way of knowing. "That makes sense. Want me to walk you to the bus stop?"

That sounds nice. Then Phil remembers what's waiting for him at the other end of the bus ride, and he shakes his head. "No, uh. I was thinking about getting dinner in town." He looks down so he doesn't have to see whatever Dan's expression does when he adds, "And I'd love company, if you... want."

"Do I want to have dinner with you?" Dan repeats, like they aren't quite sure if that's what Phil actually said. Before Phil can answer, though, they're already talking again. "Obviously, yes. There's a great sushi place down the street if you like sushi, and if you don't like sushi there's other good restaurants all over the place, like there's -"

"I love sushi," Phil interrupts before Dan settles into yet another ramble. He's too nervous to look Dan in the eye again, even with the positive reaction. "Let's go. My treat."

[sethrine-writes]

Comfort in the Downpour

Fandom:  Devil May Cry 5

Pairing:  Dante x F!Reader

Words:  1597

Warnings:  Fluff, Schmoop, Wholesome teasing

Commission Request:  900 words, fluffy stuff with Dante and a rainy day.

A/N:  This is a commission for a lovely individual who wishes to remain anonymous. Thank you so much for commissioning me, and thank you for your patience! I hope the extra words make up for taking so long.

------

All the signs for a possible rainstorm had been in place since that morning, with billowing clouds overtaking the sunshine of the day, their darkening grey hues an ominous forewarning of the downpour that would soon follow. It wasn't until about mid-afternoon that the sky let loose, dousing the entirety of Redgrave with a heavy wave of rain before gentling into something more steady that would most likely last well into the evening.

When the storm came pelting down over the rooftop of Devil May Cry, the mood within the shop shifted from its normal chaotic energy -there was always a chaotic feeling to the place, regardless if there wasn't much going on- to something much more mellow.

In mere minutes, you could feel the effects upon your conscience, aware of the calming shift within your very being from just the muted sounds coming from outside. The few bills you had been sorting through suddenly didn’t seem as important in that moment, and the tension you had been unknowingly holding within your shoulders and face slowly began to ease. Even your breathing had changed, your body reflexively shifting into a deeper inhale, slower exhale, and further relaxing you into a lull.

For a moment, everything was at peace.

“Uh...babe? You good, there?”

You startled at the unexpected voice, opening eyes you didn’t remember closing to find Dante standing in front of his desk, of which you were currently sitting behind. He was holding what looked to be the last of a sandwich in his hand, which meant he had somehow passed you by on his way to the kitchen without your notice.

How long had you been sitting there, completely unaware of your surroundings?

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Yeah, I’m good,” you answered, shaking your head lightly and looking down at the desk.

There were still bills littering the top of the hardwood. They were easy enough to deal with, nothing yet past due and any past balances all but finally paid off through careful money management. You had been crunching a few numbers before the rain hit, and then...well, numbers suddenly didn’t seem all that important.

“I was just trying to get the bills straightened out. I don’t plan on letting them get behind, unlike someone-”

Dante was quick to interject.

“Hey, I’m a busy guy! You know, killing demons, saving the world...I’m lucky I get a chance to breathe.”

You gave an affirming sort of sound, though it was anything but sincere, especially paired with the playful smile you sent the half-demon’s way. Dante was all too willing to play along and pulled on an affronted pout that had you giggling and him smiling seconds later.

As if it were an afterthought, Dante popped the rest of his sandwich into his mouth, looking you over as he finished off his late lunch.

“Seriously, though, you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, not sure why I wouldn’t be. Is something supposed to be wrong?”

“You were kind of spacey, there, for a moment,” Dante explained, waving a hand about as if that would help you understand what he meant.

Rather suddenly, you were struck with the thought that maybe you hadn’t told him how much you enjoyed rainy days. Now that you thought about it, most times that it was storming, Dante was away on a business call, or it was much later at night, where the calming sounds were lulling you into a peaceful sleep under the guise of you possibly being worn out from the day.

Simply put, it just wasn’t something that had really been brought up.

“Oh! Well, it’s raining,” you said, “and it’s been awhile since we had a good rainstorm like this. I just really like the way it sounds.”

Dante stared at you for a long moment, giving off the vibe that he didn’t quite believe you and that you were potentially hiding some sort of sickness or harboring some sort of animosity or melancholy that he hadn't been privy to. You just stared back, partly confused by his rather serious demeanor, but mostly just letting him come to his own conclusions.

“Huh, alright,” he said after a moment, the tension that creased his features slipping away. "Guess I'll let you get back to it, then."

You followed Dante's retreat towards the stairs, suddenly suspicious of the nonchalance of his dismissal. Regardless, you turned your attention back to the task at hand, skimming over the water and electric bills once more.

"Sike!"

You nearly screamed as you were turned around swiftly in your borrowed swivel chair to meet Dante's grinning face, his arms snaking around you and pulling you into standing before him.

"Dante, what...hey!"

Without warning, Dante hoisted you up into the air and over his shoulder rather effortlessly, the surprised squawk that left your lips indignant and rather embarrassing. It didn't keep you from laughing, despite the fact.

"Dante, put me down!"

"Just a minute, babe," he answered, following up with a firm smack to your rear. You reciprocated the action with a vengeful sort of playfulness, your upside-down vantage point providing the perfect opportunity to do so.

Dante laughed as he began walking back up the stairs, pausing to open your shared bedroom door. He entered and pulled you from his shoulder, letting you fall onto the bed with a light, surprised shout, followed by a short bout of giggles.

"Any particular reason you decided to hoist me up to our room like a caveman?" you asked, raising a brow at Dante's following shrug.

"Had a little idea; figured I'd try it out, see if it lands me any points with a certain someone."

You shook your head at Dante's suggestive eyebrow wiggle, though you couldn't help the grin that lit up your features.

"Well, a certain someone is sitting at a big, fat zero in the points department, so far-"

"Jeez, babe, give me a minute to work my magic! Rome wasn't built in a day."

"Of course not, it took at least two."

"Haha, so funny, a woman truly after my own heart," Dante mocked playfully, cocksure grin in place as he moved toward the single window and pulled back the curtains fully.

There had been just enough light coming through, despite the dreary sky, but even more downcast lighting washed the room in mute, almost grey tones. You could somewhat see the rain as it fell, blurred by beaded drops of water clinging to the glass pane, forming little rivulets that slowly slid down its surface to collect other droplets before disappearing altogether.

Dante gave a small grunt as he hoisted the window open a few inches, the steady pattering of raindrops hitting every exposed surface from outside filling the room instantly.

"The floor's gonna be wet," you chastised lightly, though you didn't mind as much as you let on.

"Good thing we don't have carpet," Dante teased, following up with, "I'll clean up the mess later."

He moved back around the bed at gave a swift pat to your thigh.

"Alright, up you get."

Dante helped you sit up on the bed, then maneuvered you with gentle prodding to sit in the middle of the bed, facing the window. You made yourself comfortable there, crossing your legs and heaving a heavy sigh.

Already, the effects of the rainstorm were setting in, lulling you into a calm state of mind with nature's version of white noise.

You heard rather than saw Dante's boots hitting the floor, felt the dip of the bed behind you as he moved. His arms were around your middle but a moment later, his legs coming in to bracket your own. He pulled you against his chest as his head came to rest against your shoulder, surrounding you in his warmth.

Everything was at peace, in that moment. No care for bills needing to be paid, or small puddles of water collecting on the floor. No clients, no demon attacks, no emergencies. Just the rain and the man you loved dearly blanketing you in a bubble of absolute bliss and contentment.

"I guess I can add a few points to your score," you spoke up quietly, earning a small, amused huff against your neck.

"Glad to know I'm rising in the ranks," he said, nosing at your ear to gain your attention.

You turned to look up at him as he looked at you, his smile genuine and sweet, meant for your eyes only.

"You know your hair smells really nice?"

"And your breath smells like ham and cheese," you mused while crinkling your nose, earning an affronted gasp.

"And here I was, trying to woo you properly."

"With ham and cheese breath. So sexy."

Dante leaned in to place a tender kiss against your lips. You obliged, regardless of your previous teasing complaints.

"Guess that makes you a lucky woman," he murmured, and though his words were meant to be playful, there was a serious note to them, as if he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing.

You reached up and pressed your palm to his cheek, the stubble of his beard prickling your skin.

"I sure am," you responded sincerely, watching as the odd tension in his features eased away, leaving behind a lilting smile upon his lips.

Outside, the rain continued to pour over the city of Redgrave as steadily as it had begun. Inside, you remained wrapped up in the warmth and love that Dante provided you, water puddles beneath your bedroom window slowly growing larger as you enjoyed the comforting downpour together.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot recap 2x18

(Aka the one where Roman gets to go on another excursion, Weitz wants to date literally the entire team except for maybe Patterson bc he’s intimidated by her brains, Reade is Touched By An Angel, and Nas falls on her sword for reasons which will probably never become entirely clear to anyone)

Okay, yes, I am the world’s worst procrastinator, and so am only just managing to get this posted now despite the three-week break. Tbh I intended to do it a couple of days ago, but then ended up getting distracted doing some writing of a different kind (stay tuned for that one very shortly!) and as such ended up with very little time for this-- hence why it’s a little shorter and kinda all over the place lol. But anyhow, if you were wanting a refresher on last ep before the new one tonight, you’ve come to the right place haha.

Enjoy. 

Okay I'm confused by this very large number of phenotypically-diverse children in one house. Also this blonde lady looks suspicious. Oh no and now the shouting girl is dead... after jumping from the second floor onto dirt? It would be unusual to die from that kind of injury, especially as a young person with strong bones, though it‘s certainly within the realm of possibility, depending on the type of impact. Also it's times like this that I'm reminded that both this show and I are kinda grim haha

Naaawwwww look at the Mayhem Twins in their little domestic bubble. Jane's so excited about her new 'bring your little bro to work' sitch and Roman is all *grumble grumble emo teen* about it, which lbr is pretty fair, but like Jane says, ‘freedom is something you have to earn’. Just bc you can't remember all the bad things you've done, doesn't mean everyone else can just forget it too, buddy! And considering you were literally the enemy not too long ago, it’s actually pretty impressive how much the team has let you in and treated you kindly. If anything demonstrates that the team (*cough* especially Weller *cough*) truly loves Jane, this is it. So be nice to your sister, bucko, because she's the reason that you actually have a chance at living a normal life for literally the first time ever. Sigh, my poor little battered babies. Why must you suffer so much and be hugged so little. Also well done makeup team on remembering to keep Jane's face bruised haha

Lol I love this scene, bc now without Reade, the team consists of poor beleaguered Weller and four badass (and currently rather displeased) ladies. The varied responses to Weitz’s inquisition are hilarious though-- Patterson is all (ง'̀-'́)ง , Zapata is all eye-rolls and being so done with this shit, Nas is already planning and scheming and looking at it from all angles, and Jane is there solely to support Weller and get his support in return, bc MARRIEEEEDDDD. And ugh Weller is such a good leader and reassures them all and then ugh he and Zapata having that little moment of worry over Reade and ugh my babiessss 

Speaking of Reade, he’s apparently busted both his face and his phone lol. He's also in a very weird hospital room; like this is a huge space for only two beds. I wonder who found him though? Also given his recent expensive habits, can he even afford the price of medical care?? If he was here in Aus, it'd be free, but in the States??? Good luck, bro...

Naww the team is soldiering on, with Patterson telling them about a new tattoo to check out-- a tattoo with numbers somehow linked to the girl that died. As usual, Patterson's explanation of just how that happened went in one ear and right out the other, for both me and the team, it seems. Oops. But ugh poor Jane looks a little bit sick at the thought of the girl's death being linked with her tattoos-- it must be so hard sometimes, to be covered in (what is sometimes the equivalent to) people's death sentences? Seriously Weller needs to hurry up and kiss all of those tattoos and remind her that in carrying them, she helps the team save people. Ugh, that woman just really needs a good long hug. 

Oh and look who it is, the ADA that everybody loves to hate. Gotta say, I still kinda ship him with Zapata a little bit. Like, in a 'hate each other so much they occasionally meet up and have angry sex' kinda way. But then again I kinda ship her with Roman, but then kinda also don't at the same time... Idk, imagining her and Roman kissing would be a little weird. Like he's just such a lil puppy and she's all wildcat. But aaaaanyway, ooooohhhh I love Weller's teeny tiny eye-twitch when Weitz mentions Jane. It's like turning his Protective Hubby mode onto vibrate-- none of the big loud shouty anger, just a subtle 'come near her and I will end you' vibe that radiates through him lol. I dig it. Apparently Weitz has no sense of self-preservation though, so not only threatens them all with suspension, but also steps directly in Weller's way, AND refers to Patterson as a lab rat. Oh boy. I'm so proud of our Weller though, clearly he's been working on his anger management haha. Plus, he totally just won that round and Weitz knows it. 

Dude they totally wouldn't be letting bystanders that close if the body was still right there. But whatevs. Also I like Weller's boots. And now oooh all the kids and the foster mom have disappeared, whatever could have happened....

Ughhh I love that Weller, Nas and Jane are all blatantly watching Patterson being interviewed, and Weller's all casual about it like 'yeah she's tough she's got this', but you just KNOW that if Patterson looked to be in any distress at all, Weller would be storming through those doors in a fury, with Nas following behind ready to provide some kind of excuse, whereas Jane would have slipped quietly away and set off the fire alarm or something before shimmying through the vents and dropping down into the room behind Weitz's guys, basically forming a pincer-maneuver with Weller, ready to kick the crap out of anyone that dares upset their lil Patterson. Of course Zapata would be flying in there right beside Weller (except when he would put himself in front of Patterson, she'd just launch straight at Weitz lol) but she's not present in the equation rn. Oh but here she is now, actually, with a lead-- she's found streetcam footage of the teenage boy from the foster-house. If they can find him, maybe they can solve the whole mystery and save the other kids.

Ughhhhh speaking of Patterson and Weitz, he's grilling her about Borden, and ugh my baby is being so tough and not taking any of his shit and for once I feel kinda grateful for that slimy weasel Fisher bc at least he gave her good practice for dealing with scumbags like this? Ugh I know my baby had somewhat of a breakdown in last ep (I wonder if she's cleaned her apartment up at all after that) but she really seems kinda... battle-hardened... now. Which makes me sad, but at the same time, we know that Jane has been through a whole ton of awful crap and she's still a little cinnamon roll despite it, so I have high hopes for Patterson to do the same. Especially with Jane there to help mentor her through it.

Oooh the Power Trio (by which I mean Jeller and their sidekick, Nas) are in Weller's office, and lbr this is very much a scene about a married couple having a debate, with Nas hanging in the background trying to be unobtrusive haha. I love that Jane was just reminding Roman this morning that these things take time-- but the first chance she gets she goes to hubby and is like 'let's put him on the team' haha. And lbr here, Weller puts up a half-assed argument purely for appearances’ sake. We know he's going to allow it, bc he's whipped a caring and supportive hubby and he wants the woman he loves to be happy. And also he wants Roman to be redeemed, bc if there's hope for Roman then there's hope for them all. He makes an excellent point that today is literally THE WORST day to be thinking about doing this-- literally a single thing goes wrong out there, even something that's not at all Roman's fault, and Weitz is going to be all over their asses. The dude's just waiting for an excuse, and letting a 'known terrorist' (sorry puppy, you know I don't mean that) out on a case is bound to be exactly the kind of thing he's after. But who cares, those are all far too sensible and logical things to be worrying about. Nas, surprisingly, has done a 180 from her shared opinion with Dr Sun that Roman is a monster, and encourages Weller to let him out in the field. Is she deliberately doing that to try to get them to play right into Weitz's hands, or is she just doing it bc she knows Weller's going to give in anyway and so she adds her support, letting Weller pretend he's been 'out-voted' (despite him being the highest-ranking person in the room) rather than actually just being the big marshmallow that he is? And ugghh he finally says yes and Jane is trying really hard to look mature about it and not beam at him and he's trying really hard not to seem pleased about making her happy and ugh these two giant dorks are gonna be the death of meeeee

Dude you're really not gonna use your work insurance? I suppose maybe you can't, since you quit like yesterday, you big dumb idiot. And then ugh the other guy asks him about his PTSD, and it's very convenient that the sole other occupant in the room is someone that can give Reade some real insight into his situation and help him get on the right path. If this was a daytime movie, we'd find out at the end that this guy was actually an angel the whole time, placed there to help him find his way. But it's Blindspot, so more likely he's a Sandstorm plant or something lol, since they seem to be literally everywhere haha. Also Reade denies being a veteran, and is he just trying to cut off the conversation, or is that answer honestly a no? I feel like my understanding of his character was that he WAS in the army before the FBI. But hey, maybe I just made that up.

Naawww Roman is like 'wait I'm coming out on a case that's not directly related to me?? Really??' and Jane is all 'yep now let's go out there and show them how great you are' and he snarks back about getting tossed back in a cage if he doesn't, and I love that there's a hint of reproach in her tone when she tells him that it's important, and a big opportunity-- like okay bro I know you’ve had a tough time but everyone is trying super hard to be inclusive and give you a fair shot so maybe ease up on the attitude mmmkay?? I love that Jane is Roman's biggest advocate when talking to others, but when he starts to get a bit whiny she (gently but firmly) puts him back in his place. Man, she’s such a big sister. Also dude they're gonna have to be even more careful with what they say about Sandstorm etc now, considering that Roman's detail is in the lab with them? Though I suppose all Patterson's lil lab techs are usually hovering around all the time, so maybe these are all high-clearance people. Rn Patterson's concerned about Weitz twisting everything they say, worried that telling the truth may not be enough to protect them. But Weller is all 'truth or nothing, we die with honor*' (*paraphrasing lol) and ugh I'm so proud of him for being such a good, incorruptible man. And so now they have another lead-- the teen's music teacher lives near where he was seen on the cam, so maybe he's gone there for help. Weller wants to check it out, but Patterson's already got plans at the morgue (that's where I'd go too tbh, autopsies are fascinating) and Zapata's got a date with Weitz, so that doesn't leave many other options. Jane's quick to suggest Roman, ratcheting the tension level up to about 300 before Weller is all like 'screw it, alright come on but just don't mess up okay bc wifey will be really upset if something bad happens' and Roman is all 'yes sir I would never intentionally make my sister unhappy sir' while Jane practically skips out of the room behind them haha

Weitz is asking Zapata about Reade-- ooh is someone worried about competition, Weitz?? Don't worry, she and Reade are just friends. And you are dirt on the sole of her shoe. But hey, maybe that's one of your kinks or something. Anyway oooh it comes up that Nas gave the order to enter the Sandstorm compound and that Weller wasn't there. The writing in the scene is clever and focuses on the Weller side of things, but it's also a setup to Nas getting blamed... wonder if they'll pounce on her later?

So it's snowy again, which means weather-wise, we should be approaching somewhere close to a full year since Jane was found in Times Square. Though since my theory is that she was found in January, I'm going to assume we're maybe around November now. Anyway I love that Weller allows Jane and Roman to head around back while he takes the front-- so much trust in Jane ugh (and some in Roman too, obviously). And he said Roman's detail would have to come out with them, but I don't see them anywhere... maybe scoping the perimeter? Round back they find Eli playing on a little pitch-pipe (it kinda looks like little plug-adaptors for TV aerials-- did he make it himself?) and ugh Weller reassures him and is doing his whole fatherly thing and ughhhh I love it (almost as much as Jane does hehe)

Meanwhile Patterson just found out that their girl's body has been basically snatched from the morgue, which is unfortunate. Clearly there was something about her body that could give the bad guys away??

I think Nas is trying to psychoanalyze Roman. But he's doing a better job of it himself tbh, and indirectly admits that he's scared of himself. Ugh, my puppy. Let me hug you. In the interview room, the Jeller dream team are talking to the kid, with Weller looming over him a little as the stern dad-figure and Jane sitting at his level, being the sensitive, understanding mom figure and ughhhhh I am having premonitions of them talking to their own teen after they go out drinking or stay out past curfew or something and ughhh I better not fall down this rabbit hole rn bc it'll be hours before I pull myself out of it, so let's focus on the present instead okay. Patterson has no leads on the body-snatchers, the music teacher has been out of town and has no idea about anything, and so all their hopes rest on getting Eli to open up. Roman suggests giving him back the pitch-pipe, recognising it as a sentimental item, much like the coin he and Jane shared. And ugh Weller approves and Jane is so proud and ooh Zapata just came into the lab and looked at Roman with a guarded expression and ugh stop making me ship it okay?? Anyways Jane's up next to talk to Weitz, and man does she look eager about the prospect lol

Aaaaaahhhh Weitz's first question is whether she's been in a romantic relationship with Weller (dude do you have a crush on Jane as well as Zapata?? Fair enough, I understand) and ugh I love that she doesn't go straight for a 'no', she instead questions its relevance to the investigation. And yaaaaasss I love that it's only after Weitz pretty much implies that she slept her way onto the team that she denies the romantic relationship. Because after all, it's kinda true; they definitely have (or as she thinks in his case, HAD) romantic feelings for each other, and they have had romantic interactions, but they have never been in a literal boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, therefore her answer is not a lie. (Though I hope one day it will be hehe). And then he attacks her about zipping Roman, acting like she has something to hide, trying to get her to slip up and somehow incriminate Weller, claiming that her loyalties are with Roman and (basically) that Weller's loyalties are with her, meaning he believes Weller would choose her over the FBI if it came down to it, and ugh I know this guy is trying to cause problems and everything but I kinda love him for laying it out to Jane like that, putting the thought in her mind that maybe Weller WOULD choose her, maybe Weller cares enough about her that if it somehow came to it, he would turn his back on the agency that has been his life for a dozen years in order to stand with her. And lbr, he would. Heeeeelllllppppp.

Aaaand Reade is still ignoring calls and being an all-round butthead. Also I've suddenly decided Reade needs a dog. Oooh and angel-Trevor not only has PTSD, but he's dying bc of his drug and alcohol abuse, having already lost his family because of it. Yep, this guy was definitely put here to teach Reade a valuable life lesson. Good luck Trevor, hope you succeed. Also sorry to hear about the dying thing.

Naww Weller is being the understanding dad now, since mom-Jane isn't there to do it, and Zapata has taken on the role of that cool aunt that you can tell anything to. Also this kid must be kinda in awe of the hotness of the women in this place lol. He is like 16, after all. And then ugh he finally tells them that their foster mom was giving them pills-- and then BAM, he breaks open the pitch-pipe and there's one of the pills. Score one for Roman! Also I very much enjoy watching Roman watch the interviews. Handsome, emotionally troubled men with hearts of gold are definitely part of my aesthetic. Zapata takes the pill to Patterson to be tested, whereas Weller is accosted by Weitz, who looks positively delighted to get to have some alone time. Well, if a bunch of observers and a camera counts as alone time, anyway.... (#kinky)

And ughhhh yet again his first question is Jeller-related. We definitely have a shipper here. And ugh Weller describes his relationship with Jane as professional, which is technically true. Their relationship is multifaceted, and a big one of those facets is their work partnership. Especially lately, while the personal stuff between them is only just beginning to delicately blossom again. Then when Weitz pushes-- clearly desperate to know if there's hope for his OTP or not-- Weller hedges, saying that they go out for drinks as a team sometimes. Again, true; that is another facet. I love how he is very much skirting around the head-over-heels-in-love facet. Well played, Weller. It's Weitz’s fault for not asking you directly if you're in love with her. For once he's probably somewhat relieved for the conversation to move onto Shepherd-- well, until Weitz starts claiming that she's Weller's benefactor (slash future mother in law) and that he may actually be working for her somehow. Remember those anger management lessons, son, you've been doing so well. Just get through this and you can go find Jane so she can be outraged on your behalf. 

But nope, instead he walks into the lab, and when Jane asks how it went, he grumpily changes the topic. Sigh. I guess it would be a little hard for him to seek support from her when all the team-- including Roman and Roman's detail- are standing right there. Plus he probably still feels a little awkward about nearly getting caught out on the whole being in love with her thing. Kinda makes sense that he's a little touchy. Anyway Patterson has discovered that the foster kids are being used as guinea pigs in illegal drug tests. And cue a scene with labcoated people talking about euthanising the kids, which the foster mom initially argues against, but then accepts. Wow, messed up, much? Thankfully the drug has to be out of the kids' systems before they kill them, so that buys them another hour for our team to come to their rescue.

Lol Trevor and I seem to share feelings about home-renovation shows. I'd sure as hell rather watch hockey too, buddy. Reade catches him right before he falls over trying to change the channel, seeing that his legs are too weak to even support him anymore, and angel-Trevor then tells him to get control of his life 'the right way' by talking about his pain, getting it all out. And Reade starts to open up to him and ughhh I really hope he is an angel and not some kind of plant bc if the wrong person finds out about this, Reade could be in some serious shit...

Nas' contacts are closing in on Sandstorm's bank account after tracking that transaction Roman made, but Weller's more fixated on the fact that his unwanted 'link' to Shepherd is a threat to the team (now you know how Jane feels, bud!). Thankfully though Patterson has found a lead-- the capsule that holds the pill's contents is (very fortuitously) only used by four companies, and they showed photos of employees to Eli until they found the doctor he'd met-- a man with a very Polish-looking name, which Patterson can't pronounce, and Weller thinks he can, but can't. Literally I'm an Aussie who has never been to Poland, and while I'm definitely not sure exactly how it's meant to sound, I know enough to know it's not whatever he just said. But anyhow, let's add another uncle to Weller's list haha-- he seems to have been collecting a few lately. I wonder which side of the family they were on? Not that it matters, since he's estranged from both, I guess... but anyhow there's only one way to find the doctor, and that's to use Eli as bait. I appreciate that they get his consent first, bc lbr they probably didn't have to. 

And like a sucker, the doc fell for it, and they traced the call to a warehouse. Roman's detail is assigned to cover the back entrance (good, keeps them out of the way) and Weller puts Jane together with Roman while he and Zapata take another entrance. I love the Roman/Jane teaming up thing because again, it shows Weller's trust in Jane... but I want my Jeller combo back. How long til we can have Zapata and Roman teaming up? Bc I am veeeeery interested to see how that goes. I do appreciate that Zapata raises no concern about Roman being out with them though. It's nice to see him being accepted more ughh. Sounds like the foster mom has had a change of heart, and doesn't want the kids to die. Too little, too late, lady. And then she literally tries to grab a gun to shoot at Weller (rude) but he fires a warning shot, bc he believes in JUSTICE not vigilantism and ugh I just love my sweet honorable boy. And speaking of sweet honorable boys, as the team approaches the kids, Roman runs straight to them and starts cutting them free ugh, while Weller chases a bad guy and Jane finds the power source for the machines (not sure why, like she could literally just pull the IV's out of the kids' arms)-- but it's lucky she does, bc it puts her in the perfect spot to grapple with another suddenly-appearing bad guy. Roman nearly gets shot in the head about five times in the process, and he and the kiddies make a run for it while the rest of the team is locked in their own individual battles. Zapata personally kicks the shit out of the doctor guy, which I appreciate. They all dispatch their opponents and regroup at the same time, realising Roman is nowhere to be found. Jane looks super worried but also convinced that he'll pop up at any second, while Weller's just like 'shit I can't deal with this rn' and then ta-da Roman appears with all the kids safe and sound and Jane is practically bursting with pride and rainbows and Weller just gives this little nod like 'good work... u lil shit' and we didn't get to see Zapata's reaction but I stg she would have been frowning bc she found the whole situation worryingly hot lol 

Ugh now they're all at the hospital and Roman and Jane walk up to Weller together but she lets Roman take the lead bc lbr seeing the two men she loves most in the world interact is probably like her favourite thing ever, plus it's good for Weller to be reminded that Roman really does care ugh. And then Jane tells Roman how great he did and Weller agreeeeeeeeessss (bc now it's just them there so he doesn't have to keep up the cranky-boss appearances anymore and can just be the approving bro-in-law and ughhhhh save me). Oh and it seems Zapata is here to do just that, bc she's discovered Eli is missing from his room-- turns out he's gone to confront foster-mom. Also according to the decor, this is literally the same hospital that Reade is in. Imagine if the team ran into him in one of the corridors?? Awkwaaaaard. But anyhow the team finds Eli, and Weller approaches and starts talking him down while the rest watch from the doorway, and ughhhh "don't let what she's done ruin the rest of your life"/ "the things that you've had to go through, they can make you stronger, but you have to make the right choices" and ughhhhh his words literally could relate to any member of the team, but are clearly hitting Roman especially hard rn. Yaaaas give me all the Roman/Weller bonding. And omg the kid drops the knife and then walks straight into Weller's arms and I'm screaming bc ALL THAT SPECULATION ABOUT WHICH OF THE WOMEN THE HUG WOULD BE WITH, AND IT'S A FREAKING TEENAGE BOY. Oh, man, that promo sure got us good. I'm so amused by this haha 

Oooh Weller has called his ladies (sans Nas, which imo is the way it should be) into his office-- he's giving Tasha the lead on the Sandstorm op, which makes them all go "??What???" so he explains that in order to prevent Weitz taking the whole team down, he's going to fall on his sword, take the hit to spare the rest of them. And lol yet again it's a mixed-bag of reactions-- Patterson is all (ง'̀-'́)ง  again, whereas Zapata-- as a bureaucracy-understanding agent like Weller-- clenches her jaw, telling him they'll fight it together but knowing why he's doing what he's doing; but ugh Jane's eyes are locked on Weller's face, voice rough with emotion as she insists there IS no team without him. Because to her, there isn't. There's nothing without Weller-- she can't even comprehend existing in a world where he is not at its center. And when he insists that this is the plan he's going with, she looks to the others, hoping they'll help her talk him out of it-- but they're silent. There's nothing they can do. He's still their boss, and this is his final order. Weitz has his victim at last.

But not, apparently, the one we were expecting. While Weller was saying his farewells, Nas Kamal-- the sneakiest of the sneaky-- is already in with Weitz, claiming full responsibility for literally everything (did you know she shot JFK, too??). So, okay... what is actually going on here? Was this literally the point of her character all along, to provide someone else to be offered up as a sacrificial lamb, when all the shit that has happened this season finally catches up with them? I just... idk. I don't get it. I feel like Nas' character makes no sense, like she's some kind of shape-shifter, initially one thing, and then another, and then another, based on the whims of the writers. After nearly a full season I have no idea what her motivations actually are, and I have no idea whether any of the things she said or did were genuine or by design. But, well, better her on the chopping block than Weller, I guess? Well... so long, Nas, and thanks for all the fish-y business!

Ugh my precious Weller catches up with them just as they're leaving, though clearly dreading what he's about to do but ready to do it anyway to protect his team. And then Weitz is all "Boy, bye"... though not before offering to take him out on a date. Does this man literally have a crush on EVERY member of the team, or??? 

Reade is getting out of hospital, and he leaves his number for Trevor (silly boy, angels don't need phones to speak to you), and the last bit of advice he receives is not to face his demons alone. So c’mon, Reade, who you gonna call?

Okay I am super uncomfortable with drinks being poured on top of the touchscreen table thing. I can't believe Patterson is allowing this. And aww the team thanks Nas for her sacrifice, but lbr they're all secretly glad it's her and not Weller. And then she says a mildly emotional goodbye (she's not really one for touchy feely stuff, lbr), passing the torch to them to continue on her quest against Sandstorm-- and giving them the bank account details, which will no doubt be their next lead. Aaaand yep I am still no closer to understanding anything about why she does what she does or what she wants or anything, really. Which either means that the writers are waaaaay more clever than I am, or they have no more of an idea about it than I do lol. Personally, I'm kinda leaning toward the second...                                                       

Aaaaaahhhh Reade called Zapata. GOOD BOY.  THIS IS THE FIRST GOOD THING YOU'VE DONE IN WEEKS. And ugh he thanks her for coming over and she thanks him for calling back and they HUGGGGGG and I still do not ship them in the slightest but man have I missed their awesome friendship!!!! And then aaahhh he picks up the tape (apparently he's found a VCR at a thrift store or somewhere lol) and tells her that what he was doing wasn't working and that he needs to know so he can move on and then ughhhhh they sit on the couch together and she holds his haaaaaaaand and ugh I so desperately hope that it's just a game tape and ugh I'm terrified to find out and oh man I can’t even imagine watching that with someone knowing that they may be about to see you violated in that way, knowing that this is something they will always be aware of in the back of their mind when they look at you, and mannnn I just can't get over the incredible depth of the relationships in this show like yes this particular situation is horrible but these connections are so what I came here for ughhhhhhh

Ew, Shepherd. I was enjoying a few episodes without you. And okay blah blah blah you've bought something very expensive and very toxic looking in Bangkok. Whatevs. Hope it backfires on you somehow.

And okay that's the ep done, just in time haha. About the promo: my prediction is that the Jeller kiss we saw will actually be interrupted before it happens, but that Jeller will find a way to ensure that some uninterrupted smoochin' happens by the end of the episode. And lbr they are so DUE for a kiss. Like it's a legit pattern; both of them kiss somebody else. Then they kss each other. Then they both kiss someone else again. Then kiss each other. Then, most recently, they've both kissed other people again, people whom they no longer have any relationship with. Which means: this Jeller kiss is a definite guarantee. It's pure science. Just wait til tonight's ep; you'll see. And after that, the pattern’s gonna end, bc these two won’t be kissing anybody but each other ever again ugh

[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 7

We had to wake up at four am that day in order to catch the first bus heading to New York City. It was almost mid october and the cold air wasn’t having any mercy on us while we were waiting in front of that bus terminal. Despite me wanting to rip out my eyeballs because it was fucking five in the morning now and my fingers were fucking frozen, the excitement about going to one of the most beautiful places in the world for the first time gave me chills.

Or maybe it was just the weather.

As usual, Normani and the boys couldn’t come with us, they usually made separate plans. Although I wish we could all be together, especially in moments like these where we’d hopefully make beautiful memories and remember it for the rest of our lives, they weren’t there but at least I had my girls with me and I couldn’t choose best company for myself even if I wanted to.

It was around nine when we arrived at the Port Authority Bus Terminal. We were sleeping there for one night only because hotels in NY were expensive, and staying there just for the day wouldn’t allow us to see much. We had our cellphones in hand with the google maps app open, walking through the streets trying to find the hotel. Luckily for us it was located just a few blocks away from Times Square, which is one of the main places that tourists usually want to see, and so did we.

After long minutes walking around with our suitcases I was glad to enter the warm hotel lobby. It wasn’t even that cold anymore but I couldn’t stop shaking since I got out of the bus. I was embarrassed that new yorkers seemed just fine while I had my coat, gloves and winter hat on, but hey, better embarrassed than freezing. We checked in and put our bags in the room to proceed to the sight seeing, we couldn’t afford wasting any minute only because we had two days to see everything, which of course was impossible to accomplish, so we just had to see everything we could fit in less than forty eight hours. Also, we had booked a room with two double beds because it was the cheapest we could find. Well, I hadn’t found anything ‘cause planning trips it’s just not my thing, I just pay what I have to pay, go and bless people with my presence - but not really. Lucky me to have had Dinah and Ally around to do that kind of stuff.

Our first stop, of course, was the Times Square. I’ve always had a soft spot for NY. If you’d asked younger Camila if she could pick a city to live in the entire world she would definitely choose the big apple, even though she had never been there before. Something about the architecture and that big city vibe, the constant sea of people and cars roaming around, tourists everywhere and different languages spoken around you, it looked like I was inside a movie. To me, not even the lovely Paris would beat NY, but I had never been there either. The truth is that I am a sucker for big cities, and it’s not that I don’t appreciate other environments, just like everybody else I crave calmness and isolation too sometimes, but I’ve always been a big city girl to the core and New York seemed like the perfect place to fulfill my fantasies. I really didn’t care about the dirty and noisy streets and the bumping of shoulders when you walk around. Maybe the endless movement seemed to make me feel less lonely, the idea of having people around me all the time and different options of places to go and things to do and see was the perfect combination for my heart and mind.

For the entire day we were walking around between subway stations and posing for pictures, sending our brand new memories to our parents at home, it was New York after all. Big part of our time was spent in the Central Park and inside the Times Square chaos. The plan was to rest a little bit in the hotel after a day walking around non stop and do something later at night. The four am was starting to kick in and so was the craving for a shower and a bed.

We got ourselves ready to go eat at night, McDonald’s of course, because we had to live the college life to the fullest - or maybe we just didn’t have money to eat something else - and then proceed to see Times Square again, since it was the nearest place. We were too tired to try to find a party or a bar, so we decided to buy a couple of beers or something we could drink in the room.

On the way back to the hotel Lauren seemed to be pretty close to me. We ended up staying next to each other in almost every group picture, almost making it seem like our little group were composed of two couples, Dinah and Ally, Lauren and I. She was also eager to take pictures of me by myself too.

“Hey Camz, let’s take a picture together," Lauren stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk because apparently she decided to take a selfie with me out of nowhere. I remember one time one of my high school teachers said that if a person asks you to take a picture with them, it’s because you mean something to that person. Even if you’re not best friends or lovers, or even family, that person has enough affection for you to the point that they want to freeze that moment and have a visual memory of you together. He had said that on our last week in school, where we were saying goodbye to our friends and preparing for the nostalgia feeling that comes after you finish a big chapter of your life. That really stuck with me because I had identified myself with what he had said. I remember asking for pictures with some of my classmates during our farewell dinner, we were not best friends or not even very close for that matter, but I felt the need to have them with me in a picture just because I liked them enough, and since then I’ve never forgotten his speech. Now, a few years later, I was in the middle of Manhattan with Lauren asking me to take that photo with her and an instantly smile appeared on my face.

We took a couple selfies and they looked pretty decent. Lauren was satisfied with it and I was glad to have that memory with her now. She probably sent it to her parents and I sent it to mine too.

We decided to eat our sandwiches in the hotel room, yeah we were that tired. Nobody was in the mood to drink what we had bought too, so we were just chilling with our big macs and fries. I was sharing my bed with Lauren since we were kind of closer now, Ally and Dinah sharing the other one. We’d always sit together in the bus too. Lauren’s back was hurting a bit due to the long walks we had during the day, and probably because of the cold too. We had to stop at a drugstore to buy something for her, a pain relieving cream being the best option. We were lying on the bed and an idea popped up in my mind.

"Do you want me to do a massage, maybe it will make you feel better,” I don’t want to sound cocky but I was really good with my massages, at least that’s what my friends always tell me, because unlike them I actually do it when they ask me to. And I wanted Lauren to enjoy it. If I could choose only one person in that moment to enjoy my massage, that person would be Lauren Jauregui. I had planned on using my massage skills on Ally back when I was crushing on her, but she was very ticklish and that ruined my plans. Straight Ally wasn’t making it easy for me.

“Sure, I could really use a massage," And at that moment I swear I was screaming inside. I really had to step up my game on this one.

We finished eating our meals and prepared to sleep. The room lights were off and the tv was on, we were all making small talk but I was afraid that Lauren had forgotten about the massage.

"Do you want me to do it or not?” I had to remember her, or maybe she was just too shy to remind me. Little did she know that I wanted that more than her, that’s a certain.

“Yes please, get that cream”

Yep, that was it. The tv was off now, we were just talking while Lauren pulled up her shirt a little bit to expose her back. I was too afraid to sit on top of her so I just leaned on my side to make it more comfortable. I didn’t want to scare Lauren and it would be really weird to sit on Lauren’s butt with the girls there, not that it would have a sexual connotation for them, but it definitely had in my mind.

They didn’t need to know that.

I was really trying to make it pleasurable for her as in giving my best, and of course I did not stick to just the place of her pain, Lauren was getting a full back massage because you don’t just waste that kind of opportunity in life. We’ve been there for a long time because the girls wouldn’t shut up while me and Lauren were really quiet.

“Why are you still doing it? For fucks sake just stop and go to sleep,” I had to suppress the urge to punch Dinah in the face because of that comment. What did she have to do with it? It was Lauren’s back and it was my massage, so Dinah can mind her own business.

We stayed mute instead, it was like Dinah wasn’t even there, much less the existence if that comment.

A few minutes after that I stopped because I didn’t want to look very suspicious too. I positioned myself on the bed to finally rest after a long day. I had my back against Lauren when I felt her snuggling closer to me. She didn’t do more than staying closer than necessary. It was not like we were in the dorms on a single bed with limited space. It was a king size bed and still Lauren decided to sleep close to me. “Should I make a big deal out of it?” was the last thought I had before drifting off to sleep.

We woke up later than we had planned, but the day went smoothly while we visited museums and saw a different side of Central Park. It was a lot warmer too and for that I was happy. We were leaving the Grand Central Station when the back topic came to surface during our conversation. Of course we had to relive that iconic first episode of Gossip Girl where Serena arrived in NYC on that same station. Not to mention Chuck and Blair’s wedding in the Park.

“Is your back any better? Did the massage make any difference?" That was my way of trying to know how much she had enjoyed it.

"Oh yeah, I feel so much better today, it definitely made a difference. Thank you by the way”

“You’re welcome! I’m just glad to help, don’t hesitate to ask if you need it again,” smooth Camila arising.

Unfortunately the day was coming to an end and we needed to take the bus back to our routine. New York had been everything that I had expected and a bit more. We would be back for sure to see the other things, since we still had ten months to come back and see whatever we wanted. The only problem was that it wasn’t cheap, otherwise I’d be there every weekend. Those forty eight hours had also given me more moments with Lauren than I was expecting and that made me excited for what was going to happen next.