#just thinking about this while i cope with the fact 2015 was in fact not 5 years ago but 9

[leafsfromthevine]

hello everybody 2014 was 10 years ago so anytime you think "wow this is so 2014 tumblr" you're outing yourself as a tumblr user for the last DECADE.

[foxes-that-run]

Walking in the wind

Harry Styles has a gift for answering a question and not answering it at all at once. In the Made in the A.M track by track he said WITW was inspired by Paul Simon’s song Graceland.

I love how Harry's solo work draws modern inspiration from his diverse music tastes and he encourages his fans to broaden their tastes. Hindsight being 20/20 you can see where he went with his debut in that short video and this song.

When Simon wrote Graceland he and Carrie Fisher were divorcing and his relationship with Art Garfunkel was bitter. Simon said Graceland was a metaphor for the journey to mend a broken heart. Much like 2015 Harry who had broken up with Taylor and was on tour as One Direction ended. Simon also went to Africa to make this album, much like Harry went to South America for debut.

Timeline

Made on the AM was written in Japan in February 2015. Harry talked being able to just write 'good songs' because it wouldn’t be toured which made space for a song like this. WITW was probably written between February and May 2015. Harry and Taylor had been close at the end of 2014, it was over on or by his 21st birthday 2 February 2015. His smile when he saw her at the start (0:29) of BBMAs showed no animosity, but it’s unlikely WITW was written after the BBMAs in May (Woman). He also started looking even sadder live then.

To rolling stone Julian Bunetta said:

“That title was born in Japan. Just the title of it and the idea of it. Everyone’s different experiences of what they’re going through, whether it’s this or that, I’d like to think that these songs can apply to more than just [one instance].”

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Harry] A week ago, you said to me "Do you believe I'll never be too far?" If you're lost, just look for me You'll find me in the region of the summer stars The fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye Means we've already won A necessity for apologies between you and me Baby, there is none

The relaxed and happy tone depicts their romantic friendship that continues. I think they genuinely cared for each other, are nice people who both prioritised their careers. To me, “the fact we can say goodbye means we’ve already won” shows that mutual respect for each other.

To me “Do you believe I’ll never be too far” is agreeing to be apart while they focus on being massively famous and together in the future.

In the context of their later work about being end game, the 1, sushi is about having only a piece of your persons life, in as it was and golden he sings about it being time or feel her taking over.

Harry does not have anyone that would never be too far in a literal sense, and although at that time he was always with 1D they have spoken in interviews that year of that not being good.

[Pre-Chorus: Niall] Ah-ooh, we had some good times, didn't we? Ah-ooh, we had some good tricks up our sleeve Ah-ooh, goodbyes are bittersweet But it's not the end, I'll see your face again

Taylor has a similar lyric in The 1 “But we were something, don't you think so? / Roaring 20s, / tossing pennies in the pool / And if my wishes came true / It would've been you” this is about appreciating the relationship.

[Chorus: All] And you will find me Yeah, you will find me In places that we've never been For reasons we don't understand Walking in the wind Walking in the wind

Where their earlier work on Red and other 1D albums sung about always wanting to be together and coping in their career by Made in the AM and Reputation onwards they started singing about being connected but apart, on faith they’d come back together.

[Verse 2: Louis] Yesterday, I went out To celebrate the birthday of a friend But as we raised our glasses up to make a toast I realised you were missing

This may be referring to Lily Aldridge’s birthday where they both were. Harry’s 21st birthday was 2 weeks later but Lily and Taylor were in Nashville. In Hunger he sang about making her cry on his birthday, if it was for Debut the 1 year to 2 timeframe line up for that. (Hunger also sings of “your stuff” as in music, doesn’t taste the same, as in Two Ghosts)

Later on 27 February he posted the overgrown winding wheel and she started dating CH.

[Bridge: Harry] And I know we'll be alright, child Just close your eyes and see I'll be by your side Any time you're needing me Oh, yeah

The bridge is similar to Fine Line, which also ends on “we’ll be alright” in Fine line he’s reflecting on being friends with someone he’s in love with. Here he is asking his muse to have faith that although they are not together he’s there for her. Also Sign of the Times "Just stop your crying / It'll be alright"

I just wanna love you leak

In September 2023 a leaked song, I just wanna love you referenced WITW with “A week ago you said to me: "We've started running out of time" / Crying over memories that we lost and cannot be found / Why don't we stop talking now? / (I just wanna love you)” which to me, in the sound and this lyric is the sequel to WITW, he’s saying it’s time. It also refers to Late night talking, and The 1 and Question…? Where they explore friendship with someone they love, in WITW they seem to agree to leave a live unresolved, on Harry’s House and Midnights they are contemplating that unresolved love.

[slashingdisneypasta]

After seeing my wife in the wild and am now currently watching Bride of Chucky, I am here to send a LONG overdue ask of Tiffany Valentine thoughts ^^

I think you said you haven't seen the actual movie yet? If so, I'll try to keep this as spoiler free as possible.

First thing that popped into my head; Tiffany's S/O reacting to her pet tarantula. She expected them to be scared, as that's the norm with spiders. But if her S/O did still try to engage with Charlotte, or even hold her, Tiff will be pleasantly surprised and so happy that to have someone who sees the beauty in spiders ^^

Simialry, imagine seeing her with her doll collection. Tiffany has to have been collecting doll parts before Chucky. She has a soft spot for vintage items and is also into restoration. Imagine sitting next to her, watching her sew up a dolls torn dress or matching the proper limbs to a toy... Imagine seeing the longing look in her eyes when she finds a baby doll and hearing her confess how she's always wanted to be a mother 🥺🥺🥺

Being right there alongside Tiffany while she's collecting newspaper clippings of Chucky; his death, the literal paper trail leading her to Andy, and eventually finding Chucky. If you didn't know about her past with him, this is probably the time that Tiff tells you the truth. You're her best friend/crush, and she wants to trust you. But if you do know, then... You're probably against the idea. Chuck is an asshole 😅 but you want your best friend to be happy too. Even if it means having to watch the woman you love fall back into a bastards arms.

We have plenty of reader pining after Tiffany while she's still in love with Chucky. How about the other way around? Imagine talking to Tiffany about this cute guy you met, failing to notice how distracted she looks. Imagine you introducing your boyfriend to her, and this time you can tell there's something wrong in the way she almost ignores him. Imagine that, years later, she's right there with you shopping for a wedding dress (assuming she didn't kill the loser-), and by now she's trying to accept the fact that you're in love with this guy. As a romantic herself, she gets it... But she wishes that she hadn't been so hung up on Chucky for so long that she lost you.

Kinda related, but... Imagine that, with her experience with love, you go to Tiffany for boy advice. How to get the right guy to look your way. How to cope with heartbreak... How to properly kiss?

Imagine Tiffany introducing you to her mother! (Let's say she's still alive XD) And she's basically like Jim's mum when she meets his S/O; tell Tiffany that she needs to marry you before Chucky scares you away.

Imagine having a similar situation with Doll!Tiffany that Chicky does with some of his victims; somehow you come into possession of this strange doll, and mysterious things start occurring. Granted, Tiffany won't really kill someone like Chucky (unless she has a reason to), but odd things do still happen around your house. It feels like your new doll is alive somehow, and you can't help but treat her as such; confiding in her your troubles, taking extra special care of her, etc. And Tiffany with her bleeding heart can't help but get attached to you.

Thats all I got so far. I hope you enjoy these! ^^

Ooh, we are doing opposite vibes tonight XDD I just watched Cinderella 2015 and now I'm onto Beauty and The Beast 2017 XD

BUT I LOVE THESE SO MUCH!!!

Those first view Imagines with Tiff and her sweet S/O who loves Charlotte and the dolls males me think of a Princess-Like S/O!! Like, a really really lovely soft gentle pretty-in-pink, kind-to-a-fault S/O. Imagine Tiff with this person!! The clashing of the aesthetics!! Tiff doing her gentle powdery make-up and the adorable pink S/O doing her dramatic goth make-up. Tiff protecting this innocent person with bloody viciousness. Tiff kissing that girl with blood in her mouth and that girl winces but she kisses her back because she loves her!! Tiff and the sweet flowery S/O baking together and decorating cupcakes together! 🧁

And- Reader snarking at Chucky once Tiff's got him back VS Tiff snarking at reader's fiance. I need it XD 💜💜💜

Also imagine reader finally catching on to Tiffany's feelings for her Too-Late, once she's engaged!! Imagine them fighting!! 'Why couldn't you want me then?? Why did you have to do this to me n o w???' 'Baby doll I'm not gonna stop you! I just want you to be happy, ya know that!' 'This isn't fair!' 'Honey, life's not fair.'

Tiffany secretly comforting reader like a girlfriend when thats exactly what she cant be now vibes.

Omg XDD You know I immediately imagined Tiffany as yet another Bickerman XD (Bickerman Twins+Little Sister AU?? Sorry I have a problem XD ) Because I can TOTALLY IMAGINE Delores saying a lot of those things that Tiff says her mother told her XD

Omggggggg. Now I'm imaging buying this Tiff doll and suddenly you keep coming home to freshly baked cookies 🍪 or cupcakes 🧁 XDD

[milfygerard]

hi hi hi i’m sorry about the everything in life for a distraction i would love to hear your detailed thoughts on your favorite mcr albums or taylor albums or a detailed ranking of either i just love Music Opinions and also i hope things get better soon<3

thank you sm for sending in <3

im terrible at ranking so ill turn to opinions hmmmm

My favorite mcr album changed by day hour minute but i think i wanna talk about.....bullets....yeah bc bullets is so insane as just a sheer proof of concept, like an expression of raw skill and talent that was growing within this band. Rays guitar work alone was enough for it to make complete sense for major labels to be knocking at the bands door begging to suck them off and then they also had GERARD!!! And this was even before mikey really could write bass parts and frank was still not really in the band like its just ray gerard and geoff (and otter who wrote drum parts that r cool but also somehow out of his skill range? girl you MADE THEM). The fact that vampires not onky exists but was like the second or third song written? Like before mcr gerard either never wrote music or wrote shitty three chord throwaway punk that existed as an excuse to print band stickers and arent even good enough to save on tape and then you decide to start writing for real to cope with major national level trauma and your first song is SKYLINES??? and youre next songs are VAMPIRES and OUR LADY OF SORROWS???? and oh my god the vocals gerard gives on the albuk as a completely untrained vocalist who did one musical once in middle school and otherwise never sang professionally unless you count crazy kids song in breakfast monkey. and then you hear the vocals on fucking vampires???? Like gerard doesnt exactly sing like celine dion on bullets but the raw harmony work and ability to PERFORM and really stretch the emotions of a song and do whatever strange or vulnerable thing is needed to sell the track. Theres still few songs more affecting than early sunsets. Like i fully think gerard is probably the strongest vocalist in the emo scene just because of their ability to completely and utterly sell you on the songs emotions (not just anyone can sing im not okay and get away with it) and thats before all the developing technical talents both already present like how gerard can just toss a melody onto a track without thinking about it or the fact gerard did a lot of the base writing for mcr while fucking barely knowing guitar how did that even work girl. Like i havent even mentioned the lyrics??? How do you. Like you can tell both that gerard never learned how to write songs and also that gerard listens to so much music that he can just fake it anywayyheres like 2 songs with actual choruses on the album and neither of them are the self proclaimed pop song h4h which opens with a queen riff?????? ans then is like a hardcore version of a beatles pop song????dont talk to me about drowning lessons. deomolition lovers!?!?! half of these songs are just poems that gerard hammered into songs and theyre so like. genuinely so incredible and they work??like the album works! as a cohesive piece! it coheres!

and thats the first album. Id say my favorite ts album is probably evermore though i might actually have less to say on it just bc i havent had it since 2015. Evermore is just so....ANGSTY!!! it feels like a complete fulfillment of what she was exploring on folklore with the fictional framing devices and keeping the songs clearly personal while also removing herself in a way she never really has before. It feels like a level of introspection through art that taylor has always been both pushing towards and shying away from because too much introspection or strangeness or even pulling away from the diaristic idea too much never worked with where taylor was at with her career. Evermore had a new collaborator, and the massive success of folklore as well as the continued quarantine gave her both an unprescedented level of artistic isolation personal confidence and professional security that allowed her to just go "fuck it" and write fucking. cowboy like me and dorothea and coney island and closure and she GOT AWAY WITH IT!!! like the albums been out for 3 years or something like that and I still feel like i havent fully processed its existence despite listening to it constantly. It truly felt like she was unshacked and was able to write about herself while also completely pulling away from any sort of literal Truth and going crazy with concept and the way she writes feels so unconstrained from the rules she would sometimes set for herself, it felt like a natural evolution from the freedom she felt jumping into the lover era but its past the honeymoon phase and like it is pop music but its also not scared to be...not pop music if that makes sense? She really fully settles into folk as a genre for the first time and it lets her writing flourish. Songs with no choruses songs with barely any structure at all lyrics that stretch at the ends of verses and fun bouncy wordplay and just allowing herself into a characters life and seeing how it fits her. She has some straight up ren faire tracks on here liek willow is just a collection of similies and metaphors she likes smushed together over a lute and its so GOOD. It feels like she was allowed to really live in adulthood as a woman in her early thirties who creates art because she loves it and because it keeps her alive ALSO proof that she needs to keep collaborating w new ppl bc whenever she does you can feel her pushing herself harder and she becomes so willing to try these new kind of weird things that she may have never tried otherwise aughhhh!!!! i didnt even talk about coney island!!!! I love how moody and dour the whole project is it feels like November where fall drags you into a cold unforgiving winter and you're just trying to survive with your sanity and any of your personal relationships intact. its so!!! tbh its SO new england also which makes me biased. ok thats all

[thedreadvampy]

I'm having a kind of metamorphosis time I think. not as big as the one I had a few years ago when I started seeking help but it's a bit of a seismic shift nonetheless, I'm in the middle of readjusting how I think about myself maybe.

which is probably good, I think that should happen every 5 years or so. but you know. there's some earthquakes and broken dishes involved.

what's changing? not sure I could name it, necessarily. tbh a lot of it has to do with confidence and self-respect. I think I am understanding myself differently as a result of the last year or so of changes and if I'm honest generally I like the person I see myself as a lot more. or I see myself as a person I like a lot more. one or both of those.

but it's a change and change is messy and not easy.

I think, much like back in 2015-17 I was coming to grips with the idea that I'd been physically harmed a lot. in 2023 I'm coming to grips with the idea that there's long term emotional consequences to a lot of stuff that I can now recognise wasn't my fault.

like I'm getting to a place where I can look at how I've been treated and instead of saying 'pathetic that I couldn't cope with this' or 'I caused this by insufficiently managing the situation' I can just be. upset and angry that so many people have thought that was an ok way to behave towards me.

which like. that legitimately Is Really Hard. it's been a lot easier to make excuses for people and downplay this shit because that makes it feel controllable and explainable but honestly this just has been out of my control a lot of the time.

and it's stuff like. yeah it's a problem if my partner's begging me in tears to tell them what's wrong and I just can't. but on the other hand if I've already told them multiple times that I've recently been raped and what the circumstances that trigger me are, then it doesn't take a huge amount of care and emotional intelligence to reach out past that inability to talk. and if nobody does that, that's not on me. (to use one example from several years ago)

I think that something my loved ones often find really exhausting and frustrating about me is that I have been operating on the Getting On With It mode for at least 20+ years, which is to say while stuff's happening I'm like NO TIME TO HAVE FEELINGS RIGHT NOW I HAVE SHIT TO DO and then after the fact I'm like well. dealt with that. nothing more to be done on that really. moving on.

and then periodically I have a big crack up and get big time triggered and start shutting down and blowing up and acting weird and the whole time I'm like haha that's weird what's that about? silly me!

now that's not a great way to do emotional communication, I think. but it's also a hard habit to break. I legit have spent at least since early primary working on this self-parenting thing where I don't so much experience feelings directly as look after them as if they're a toddler having a meltdown. so a) I honestly am just guessing most of the time about what the feelings actually are beyond 😭 or 🤬 and b) it's SO HARD to turn off the part of me that's like HEY LET'S WRAP THIS UP. SHHHH YOU'RE FINE SHHHHHHHH WE HAVE TO DO PRODUCTIVE THINGS. IF YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH THIS EMAIL YOU CAN HAVE A SWEETY.

but you know. I'm working on that. it's a new thing. but it's not Fucking Easy and there's a lot of feelings back here. who knows what happens when they get off the leash? not me! bc I physically can't let them off the leash!!!!

[philosophersystem]

from Mono: Comment On Our Self-Help Guide Regarding Paranoia from our brother, Mark.

Thank you for your input on the guide and the helpful experience report of paranoia for a possible expansion of it and including other coping strategies. :)

This guide was good. Something you helped me realize was how I look for threats where there aren’t any and that I’m distrusting of everyone. Whether due to past experiences, increased stress over long periods of time, past traumatic experiences, or all of the above combined. I know recently that it culminated in me trying to catch the people someone from a group that has been surveilling for the past year and half to two years. Though when I’ve thought about it I think the surveillance and questioning has been going on since at least 2014 or 2015. I often have asked people questions to rule out other thoughts or suspicions I had in my head and it would seem confusing for the people being questioned if they had no idea why I was asking or they weren’t doing anything wrong. Even if some of the people that I encountered and confronted denied what they were doing to me I would persist and it would just make me even more frustrated and push the envelope further in an effort to get to the bottom of the surveillance being perpetrated on me. To the point I recently tried rouse someone from the brush in an effort to make to get someone to admit to what they were doing. The real experience of surveillance has made my paranoia much worse and more poignant and my brother here has helped me open my eyes to it. I noticed I was a bit paranoid even before the surveillance was so overt and malicious towards me, but the experience heightened my paranoia to the point it’s obvious enough to treat. And Mono has helped guide me in the direction I should go to be treated. Paranoia explains some of the difficulties I have had in the workplace. Having been sabotaged at work before I’m always on the lookout and will suspect others of doing something, sometimes when I’ve done something wrong by mistake, and I’ll believe it even if it’s untrue. Today, I do now always feel watched or followed. I always find it very hard to trust others. I have to be friends with someone for years before I can trust them. I analyze situations over and over in my head non-stop for days and days on end. My near photographic memory makes analyzing quite exhausting when I’m finally finished, replaying minute details and piecing things together until I reach conclusion. Sometimes I reach false conclusions in an effort to make things make sense. Most of the time my anxiety and stress is so high that my thoughts outpace my tongue and actions before I can stop and think it through fully. Having random adrenaline spikes does not help either. I would say I do accept some of my irrational thoughts as facts, but also the converse of that is that when I am correct in my thinking I wait far too long before acting because I’m looking for more confirmation in the environment around me. In regards to a less intense past experience that I can relay to everyone, someone damaged some product at work unintentionally, but I immediately assumed he did it on purpose (sabotage) and had planned it because of the way he was looking at me scared and wide-eyed before he came over to talk to me while absentmindedly fiddling with the product I had just produced (which he damaged.) I realized later that he looked scared because he was sent by management to ask me some questions. Anyways a few days later I had to go back and correct the misunderstanding and all was well. Some of the things that are suggested to cope, I already do. The problem is in the action of the moment there’s not much that helps. Sometimes I slow my breathing. Sometimes I hold onto Winston my dog, though I can’t take Winston with me to work. But he does make everything feel better most of the time. Jazz, vocal jazz, instrumental, orchestral, and choral music are all really good as well. This week I’m supposed to get on neuroleptics for paranoia. We will see how that goes. I’ve not found a fit for a therapist yet.

[poeta-nascitur-non-fit]

6/26/2024, pt II

I've been reminiscing quite a bit about where I was in my life in 2009, 2015 and 2020. Youth. Youth would be overrated if not for the fact that you can collect a lot of interesting memories and stories from that time period. Having a vivid and nearly perfect photographic long term memory makes all of that feel like it was just yesterday, too. He always tells me that "nostalgia is a liar," and while I get where he's coming from, I don't think that's always true, that nostalgia doesn't mean much at the end of the day, because it's something we only idealize in retrospect but lose sight of the whole picture, only seeing the good and repressing the bad.

He also tells me that those good memories and special moments were less about the other people involved and more about the good energy I put into making those things happen. I don't know, I don't think all of those experiences were entirely me. Despite how much he hates on my exes for being shitty people, he just couldn't possibly know the whole story, why those experiences happened with the people they happened with, because he has never met them, and he is not me. Some of those people did end up being shitty people in the end, but people are complicated, and they weren't always shitty. Am I supposed to just write all of that off entirely? That's what he would prefer, I think. Jealousy strikes once again.

Reading through his blog and seeing him revisiting memories of some of this exes and writing about looking them up on social media makes his stance fairly ironic. Granted, those posts were written years ago, but I really do think that it's just an innate thing for people to be nostalgic from time to time, and if only I were in his head, I bet I could say with almost 100% certainty that he still gets nostalgic even now, too. And... there's really nothing wrong with that.

I *do* understand his BPD jealousy, of course, because I also have BPD, and years ago when I had no idea how to cope with it at all, my jealousy nearly drove me insane. Speaking for myself, I am glad I eventually learned how to be rational and work through all of that. I *had* to learn how to cope, because otherwise, I would've become one of those 1 out of 10 BPD casualties.

Anyway, I'm kind of burying the lede...

It's probably time for me to revisit old photographs, old writing, old blogs. Some of my most creative pieces came from those years. I don't know how feasible it is, but I would love to tap into that nostalgia and bring it up to date with who I am now, so to speak. I want to find myself again. What drove me then? And how can I recapture it? Can I build on that for something even better now? Where would I start?

Too tired to delve into all of that this morning.

It stormed before sunup. I laid in bed, window open, nodding off on Vicodin, listening to the pouring rain and the wind whipping through the trees. Few things are as relaxing as a summer downpour. Vicodin itself is one of the exceptions, though.

Time for sleep.

[bisluthq]

Harry and Taylor clearly hooked up on and off for a very long time. There are whole songs about it by both of them. That’s not a love story for the ages, but denying what’s spelled out is just… weird.

You don’t have to be a Haylor or like them together to analyze the evidence and come to an objective conclusion. I don’t even like Harry and never have. I also don’t dislike him, I guess? He’s just there for me. I don’t think they fit together, I don’t find them particularly compelling as a couple. Context aside he’s probably one of the least interesting exes she has for me, right behind Conor Kennedy and Taylor Lautner.

But that doesn’t mean that if she says she thinks about jumping off a building to see if he shows up, I’m gonna act like “yeah I mean, I’m sure there were some feelings involved.” Like, you guys want to avoid being Haylors so much you end up being the other side of the same coin.

He wrote really devastating songs about her that he ended up not even releasing, probably because they were a bit much. None of us know the actual truth aside from Taylor and Harry, but my god, the woman said in an interview, when talking about Style, “it’s about that person that comes in and out of your life and you feel like the narrative is never truly over.” And there are pictures of them at the same party, dancing side by side, weeks before she got with Calvin.

Yeah, of course she dated Matty in the middle. Harry was literally dating some blonde model as well, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t hook up. Neither is a bastion of morality when it comes to this sort of thing and I doubt either of them were in committed relationships with those people anyway.

Why else would Calvin have such a visceral reaction to Harry? Cause idk if you guys remember but he used to block people with his face as their profile picture on sight. And when he and Taylor broke up, around the time of his tweeting rage about her, he followed Harry on instagram, who the hell knows what he wanted to accomplish. But it seemed like a pointed attack.

Harry legitimately wrote a sob song about Taylor dating Calvin a year into their relationship. You heard it, I’m sure, you talked about it.

“She dated Matty in 2023, so she couldn’t have hooked up with Harry in 2014/2015” is not a logical conclusion. Truth of the matter is that whatever she did with both or either of them was kept private and we’re all speculating, but there’s reason to believe one thing and absolutely nothing to back up the other.

As for Question, I fear you’re analyzing in too much detail with “I don’t think Harry is that confusing.” First of all, that’s not a reason to dismiss him as the muse lol. And second of all, she spells out how confusing he is in soooo many 1989 songs, an album written pre-first Maylor iteration.

Taylor is pretty straightforward with her Easter eggs and cross references. She interpolated a song that’s 100% about Harry, and then referenced lyrics from said song. And the song actually does fit Harry, and this thematic of “we always end up together” that she’d talked about in the past.

It’s possible it has Matty elements as well. I personally don’t see it, but I’m not gonna become a shooter against it bc I don’t actually care that much, but if she’s referencing Harry/his songs in it, then it’s most likely about him, and everything else is just cope from fans who don’t want it to be about him, for whatever reason.

And no, I don’t think Matty and Taylor were “super unserious and it was nothing hahahahaha” like some Swifties insist on saying, trying to erase the fact that she legitimately said “I love you” on stage. I just don’t think the first iteration of the relationship was that deep. There’s no indication that it was ever more than anything physical that happened a few times. I don’t think she was pining over Matty fucking Healy for 8+ years and close proximity while working on the album blah blah blah.

AT MOST Taylor and Matty hooked up for 2 months, given the timeline. Then it was Calvin, then Tom, then Joe, with basically no breaks in between, not really time for them to explore anything further.

With Harry they started something in the spring of 2012 and were on and off (most of the time off, of course) at least until fall 2014 with possibly one last encounter in early 2015. She admitted a bunch of stuff about Harry both in the OG 1989 and in the Vault tracks.

I also don’t think she was pining over him, or that she has feelings for him now, or that she wrote Question because of a 5 minute encounter at the Grammys.

I think Question was a result of seeing him in what looked like an adult serious relationship and also not feeling particularly good on her own. Wondering if things would be better if that person who she once thought would interrupt her wedding came sweeping in and saved her from how awful she felt in her current situation.

It’s not about Harry in particular. I don’t think she has delusions that they’d be compatible now. But it’s the most normal thing in the world to be sad about a partner and reminisce to good times with an ex. Obviously Calvin doesn’t elicit good feelings, Tom was a nothingburger, Matty even more so, at that point, I don’t even have to explain why her brain wouldn’t go to Conor, and who else is there? Joe Jonas? Married with a child. Jake and John? Who she knows had inappropriate relationships with her? Taylor Lautner? Also married.

It’s a process of elimination her brain probably did on her own. She explained what the songs were about quite well, and I tend to believe her and her very direct allusions and hints.

I think either extreme about Haylor is just fans wanting to bend reality to their perception, and I love you, but you always tended to minimize Haylor to a point that was almost like “they fucked a few times.” And then both of them had songs released/leaked that had you having to adjust your perception of them in real time. And I think, honestly, that you still have some leftover hesitance from then.

Admitting that they probably went on hooking up for quite a few years, even with long breaks in between, and that she allowed herself to think what if while having her heart shattered by who she thought was the love of her life does not mean you think they’re star crossed lovers and it was right person wrong time or whatever the fuck Haylors believe lmao

this is very well argued. I don’t necessarily agree but I am happy to respectfully disagree if that makes sense? I think you’ve made some excellent points. I genuinely do. The main reason I think Question is about Matty is because they’ve kinda said that? He had it on his pre show playlist and took it out when they started going on the fritz. He was also around when she was working on Midnights so while I agree she might’ve thought about other people and situations (including Harry) to me the song seems to pretty explicitly be about Matty and wondering if they could’ve worked out (which she then actively tried to do lol like shortly after). I think context wise it does seem like it’s about Matty? And she does rededicate songs regularly so I wouldn’t say something being “explicitly” about someone is necessarily proof it always will be. Love Story was explicitly about a specific guy but now it’s about her relationship with her fans yk? So I don’t think interpolations are proof of anything idk.

[disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope]

@grunnies watched it sooner than i expected 😂

- watched cinderella 2015 today so my sister decided we should watch cinderella 3, she loves this one a lot.

- I feel extra bad for cinderella in this movie cause when she finally got her happy ending, it goes back in time, when she finally reaches the prince he doesn’t remember her, when he almost remembers SHE IS ALMOST DEPORTED, WHEN SHE IS GETTING READY TO MARRY SHE GETS STUCK IN A PUMPKIN LIKE OMG LET HER BREATH

- love cinderella and the prince cute interactions so much

- I don’t have a favorite step sister in the og movie, but I really love Anastasia in the sequels. Glad disney made her sympathetic

- the evil step mother is even worse here. Everytime she’s on screen I have chills. She really wants revenge and goes too far imo 😭😭😭 SHES TOO OP REVERSING TIME???? WOMAN CHILL. She could have made herself queen right there with the wand but noooooo she WANTED cinderella to know they knew she was the girl from the ball while seeing other girl take her place. She had to made a point of destroying cinderella deeper than ever. Pure evil

- the animation is so good and clean for a straight to dvd disney sequel. Cinderella looks extra pretty here I think

- the songs are really good ngl. I love the cinderella song so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I sing that "I want much more than dream" (that’s how it goes in the pt dub idk the eng lyrics😶)

- SHE GETS INTO THE CASTLE WITH A SMILE 😭😭😭😭 PURE & CLEVER CHILD. The men smiling too kkkkkkkk

- idk the name of this blue dressed lady but I was so happy when I saw she was in the movie cause I recognized her from cinderella 2 😭. It then she was a big pain in the ass…. Don’t remember how she was in the other movie but I suspect bossy there too

- cinderella is so clever. She would have done this whole mission so fast if the others didn’t have the wand

- the prince is so lovable and unintentionally funny I love him 😭😭😭😭😭

- NOT HIM SAYING THE ONLY CLUE HE HAS IS THE SHOE SIZE. BOY YOU STARED AT HER THE WHOLE BALL. YOU MUST HAVE PICKED ON OTHER FEATURES 😭

- HIS FACE WHEN HE ENTERS THE ROOM. HIS NOSTRILS. "AM I IN THE RIGHT ROOM?"

- he did know it wasn’t Anastasia so I guess he did pick on other features

- he tried so hard to make them leave in the most polite way. He’s precious

- I was never a fan of how Cinderella’s hair looks let down but I do like seeing it with the white cloth headband thing

- THE WAY SHE SMILES AT HIM AND HES LIKE 😃 "you need help hun?”

- "maybe it was another prince" 😒

- the way he knows her from the feel of her hands sounds really stupid tho. Maybe her hands are so damaged from the years she spent working that her hands really are like any other 🙂 but like, she was wearing gloves at the ball SO HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW HER HANDS FEEL LIKE 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨😳

- jaq and Gus are such good friends. They really saved the day. Encouraging her to go after the prince, spying for her, singing the events to the prince…. True friends

- I wanna eat every cake in that room. But like omg they cooked all that in 1 day or something? Rich people things

- the way the prince is describing Anastasia to the king…. He’s such a gentleman…. He really would have described her like that even without the spell i believe. He’s just that nice

- my sister really doesn’t give 2 shits about the 1st cinderella movie, but she loves this one so much. And the prince even ranks in her faves along with Shang and Flynn

- Anastasia dancing is EXACTLY like me in the obligatory dance classes we had at school during PE 😬 having bad memories rn

- it actually hurts how she believes he’s in love with her despite the magic….. girl deserved better

- love the shell and the story

- cinderella is such a boss in this movie. Got into the castle like it’s hard and now is undercover in the lion’s mouth

- she’s so sassy with the step mother oh I love it "we’ve won" " I don’t think so" TELL HER

- Lúcifer on screen is always a bad time I really hate that cat

- sliding on the stairs’ rail cause she tends to lose her shoes on the stairs

- SHE GETS THE WAND BUT IS STILL STOPPED OH I HATE THIS SO MUCH SHE WAS ALMOST THERE

- their bodies on the mirror I can’t cope

- this whole talking to the rats scene is so hilarious 😂😭 love how he just goes along with the craziness. He’s trying, so patinete and willing to listen. A KEEPER

- the song IS A BOP

- my sister hates how she loves the movie so much and has watched it many times but I’m the only of the 2 who knows the lyrics of the songs kkkkkk 😂

- HIM CALLING HER CINDERELLI TOO 😭😭😭😭 that’s precious

- POOR FUCKING KING HIS SON IS TALKING TO RATS AND JUMPING THROUGH WINDOWS. THE PRINCE IS A KEEPER BUT HES CRAZY

- I’m so glad the whole internet knows about the jumping from window thing. This was meant to be memed

- girl lived as a slave all her life and was really gonna be sent away to god knows where, without even her rat friends while her abusers lived her destiny…. Cruel… I hate this movie

- the horse riding scene reminds me so much of eugene going to save Rapunzel at the end. I do love me some badass in love disney princes 🥰😍

- HOW IS HE SO GOOFY AND HEROIC AT THE SAME TIME 😭😭😭😭 HE JUST YETED HIMSELF BUT STILL LANDED IN A COOL WAY

- "want to marry me cinderelli?" "It’s actually cinderella" "wrong girl then"

- I love the facial expressions on Anastasia and her mother when they are found out and deciding what to do. Anastasia was so devastated

- poor king only wants grandkids……

- EVERY WEDDING DRESS CINDERELLA WEARS IS A BANGER

- this cloning cinderella thing always freaked me out so much. It’s so evil, twisted and repulsive. Great plot point tho, this is a Disney sequel but they went all out

- even in the ragged dress she looks good 😭

- I love cats, but Lucifer deserves hell

- "not gonna miss my wedding" GO GET YOU MAAAAN 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

- the priest is so funny looking

- cinderella protecting Anastasia and the prince protecting them both….🥰

- love how her distransformation mirrors Cinderella’s transformation in the 1st movie

- the king telling her everyone deserves true love even after all she did…. Love that for her

- another banger wedding dress

- "old life?" Yeah they really lost relationship progress cause of that evil bitch. So upsetting but at least after all this rollercoaster of bad luck for Cindy, she got the man

- everytime we’d finish the movie, my sister an i would put the music video of the credits song. It’s so good

- this is a hard movie for me to qualify, I have always had mixed feelings about it, a love hate relationship with it. Cinderella is my least fave princess, but I still love her here. Love her too much in fact cause I just hate how very step she takes towards the prince, the step mother has her take 10 back. It’s heartbreaking, I always feel so frustrated watching it cause has she not gone through enough in the 1st movie?? Why all this torment of ruining the only good night she had, the only love she felt?? But it’s still super entertaining and funny and genuine. Really felt like they had a story to tell instead of just doing it for the money like some sequels. And it’s a good story. The animation, music, comedy, the epic moments… all so very good. It’s a frustrating good time I think that’s how I feel.

[martyrgargoyle]

MASTERPOST TO THE TYLER JOSEPH SITUATION FOR ANYONE CONFUSED!

On September 2nd, 2020, Tyler Joseph tweeted this:

Before this post Tyler has never spoken up about BLM. Many of his fans, especially POC have been asking him to please voice and show support since he has a large influence. Instead, he chose to downplay a movement based on the minority having the courage to face their oppressors that have brutalized and discriminated against them and demand change. Instead of holding this movement as serious and important as it is, he chose to make it a punchline to his insensitive and self centered joke and mocking the people that are risking their lives fighting for a difference.

Tyler Joseph has an estimated net worth of 20 million. That's 20,000,000. He also benefits from being white, cis (and het passing/straight), male, and physically abled. He won't risk being homeless due to being fired (other people signed to the same label has spoken out) or kicked out/evacuated if he spoke out. He won't risk brutalization by the police for speaking out. He would not risk being shot point blank for speaking out. All of these, and more, have happened to people that's fought for BLM. Protesters have been tracked down and arrested and killed. Yet a man with as much privilege as him refused to say anything this entire time.

He is in the position and has power to speak out and influence thousands with his platform and being an idol to a lot of younger teens that take his word as fact and will defend him. This is incredibly dangerous because it starts and gives a pass for racist mindset to younger people, meaning they could think BLM is a joke or not serious or lead to even worse racist thoughts due to them wanting to be like their idol.

Then Tyler proceeded to post this rant on mental health about 40 minutes after being criticized by many fans:

Okay so I have a lot of thoughts on this and dissecting his s*icide baity and victimizing rant.

1. While using humor can be a valid coping mechanism, it has a time and place as well as a subject matter. For me I can say a dark joke on my past abuse. But for someone else, it is not their right to make my trauma their entertainment. Especially if that person is someone that didn't/doesn't face the same trauma and is in a position to benefit from it.

2. Why is supporting BLM such a burden on him? He doesn't face the discriminated they do yet act as if they're a burden if he cannot make their suffering an entertainment. He acts as if saying Black people shouldn't be killed due to their race harms him and he's suffering due to it. Instead of even remaining silent (which is violent and dangerous as well), he went out of his way specifically to mock the movement.

3. He's weaponizing mental health as an excuse for his tone death joke. He's trying to make himself seem the victim for facing backlash and when he first posted these, it was spaced out and had a s*icide baity feel. He shouldn't put POC down to uplift mental health, both are such important issues but instead....

3. He says reminding us what he's 'fighting' for, which apparently is just mental health. But what about POC's mental health, in this case? What about a Black person being depressed and drained and scared because they see their family and friends being killed only due to their race? And on top of that, having to worry if it happens to them as well while constantly grieving? Is that not important or 'worthy' of his support? Or is he admitting he only 'fights' for something that'll cater to and provide for him as well? And that if he can't benefit, he won't care or deem it something worthy to fight for and that he doesn't care? He can't use his mental illness/your shtick as a reason why you will excuse and ignore (and cater to) racism.

But most controversial and insensitive of all he tweeted this with it:

Here he is upfront and clearly defending his joke, despite being told and aware of how insensitive it was. He is admitting he doesn't care about POC feelings or how it impacts them and the way his original tweet has hurt his fanbase. He is defending his mocking of the BLM movement and the people actually fighting while being less privileged than him. He is saying his feelings and his joke means more than POC dying for no reason other than their skin color. He is defending his insensitive tweet knowing it has hurt POC.

He is bluntly being racist and aware of it.

And finally, he tweeted the damage control:

And this is just as repulsive and wrong as his mental health excuse.

1. It was about human rights. There's no way to excuse or lie or downplay it. He literally made a joke about his POC fans begging him to show support and use him platform given his privilege and influence. He can't lie his way through this to excuse himself or try to make people that were understandably upset look like over reacting fools.

2. No room for that? People never said he has to only talk on BLM. If he's waiting for it to stop mattering or trending, it's disgusting. Black lives will ALWAYS matter, it doesn't change based on the hashtag trending or it gaining more attention. He acts as he can't care about two different things or that Black lives doesn't matter as much as a subject that affects you. No one said he can't talk and continue to bring awareness to mental health and for many POC it's more important than ever to have resources and support since they live in a world with a society literally designed to kill and target them. Instead of tweeting one thread or link to donations or awareness to the discrimination Black people face daily; Tyler made a joke, defended it despite it hurting POC, then threw a tantrum for an excuse on why he could never be assed to even pretend to care that much.

3. If it hurted someone? POC were literally telling him from the start it was harmful and damaging. He DID hurt POC but he didn't listen or care until he realized how damaging it is for his career? He isn't sorry he hurt POC, he's sorry he has hurt his career and reputation in exposing his immaturity regarding serious issues. He's ignoring and shifting blame and finally doing even below bare minimum. From the very first tweet to him defending it, he has alerted and told on himself for placing his feelings above Black lives. He deemed a joke on the expense of BLM meaning more than actual Black people's feelings.

Debby Ryan and Josh Dun has both liked his original tweet:

---

As well as these tweets he has had a questionable history. Involving:

Racist tweets from 2015 he never apologized for.

Anti-black lyrics such as in Lane Boy:

'I wasn't raised in the hood

But I know a thing or two about pain and darkness'

And while that can be and is a reference to how mental illness impacts even privileged, it just doesn't sit right with me personally.

He also uses hip hop and rap (a genre specifically tied in and dominated by Black artists and labeled as not real music/easy musix), per example of Heavydirtysoul (just entire second half is continuously putting rap artists down) and Holding Onto You, quoting the song 'Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It' by Dem Franchize Boyz to be below him. (Bridge 2, line one)

Tyler has also refused to publicly disagree with his brother's racist, transphobic, homophobic, right-winged views.

Has not spoken about police brutality before, such as ignoring it until a police officer got killed back in 2016.

---

Please feel free to reblog and add on/talk about your thoughts! :)

[charmie-inspiration]

I thought I had to be quiet, I thought there is absolutely nothing to say about this. At first because I didn’t think there was anything to these claims because I have been here for awhile and fandom tends to take things too far. 

But this isn’t about that at all. I don’t want to even add to the conversation just like I wouldn’t argue with someone that climate change doesn’t exist. If you aren’t convinced by now then there’s nothing that I can say that would make it better.

The reason I am making this post at all is because I am going through this and if you ask any of my friends, I am sure they would agree on being worried about my reaction.

Because I have been here for almost five and a half years. I watched a 60s spy movie in 2015 and I fell in love with this stupid tall guy with the kind eyes and rumbly laugh. I’m 20 now and realising that a stable like that isn’t what you made it out to be, is hard. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know of our existence. I know that there are people out there who have to wrangle with the fact of losing someone close to them through a fucking daily mail article.

It feels like you just got broken up with over email, in a shitty side sentence while he tells you about his new woman. And that’s the point right. This isn’t about those women, it is about him and how he made you feel and those women and how he made them feel.

I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I had to wrangle with the fact that he is smoking at all. But that’s something a lot of people do. Drinking is something a lot of people do. And I suppose there’s a way to do so responsibly. However because I have no part in that community I know what it’s like when people that are close to you offer you to drink. And tell you to drink. And question why and how you don’t drink. Again and again and again. I didn’t say yes but I know tons of people would and do every day. They’re your friends, after all. You don’t want to lose them.

And he is Armie Hammer. I wouldn’t say no to him. I know that. And that’s how I know that they can be right, that sometimes you say yes but it’s not a yes. Society has issues understanding that no means no. That a drunk yes is a no. But a community that is largely female should look at themselves and do a fact check. A coerced yes is also a no. And that makes this abuse.

I am speaking up because this is one of the hardest things I have to do. Because if I can look at the 5 years that I spent following this man’s career, rooting for him and having my life changed because of him and still admit that there are things you can’t forgive or forget then so can you. 

Did you know that my first fic that I wrote in English was in The Man from UNCLE fandom? That I learned to speak this language like a native because of someone that I connected to through our love for tmfu and then because of our love for the actors in it. That’s tarnished.

Did you know that the first time that I ever travelled without my parents was to go to Crema? To meet friends I had made because of CMBYN and our shared love for it? That’s tarnished.

Did you know that I regarded Feb, 29th the happiest the day of my life? That after following this man for 4 and a half years I finally got to see him in person because I had been stuck in Europe where you don’t just see actors parading around all day. Not the kind that I wanted to see so badly anyway? That’s tarnished. 

And that when it all started coming together, I looked at my life where he’s in so many nooks and crannies, in the posters on my wall, on the lockscreen of my phone, in the messages to my friends, on every single social media on every single platform that I have used in the past 5 years. And that’s incredibly hard to just let go. I sat there and was like “I don’t know how to hate him.” But I learned to be disgusted by him and the absolute lack of remorse that he has shown. 

It’s hard because we all have our coping mechanisms and these days we rely on them more than anything else. I have lost my sport and I have lost someone very close to me that used to make me smile. And this was always, always something that I could count on. When I felt like absolute shit yesterday I wanted to watch tmfu because it’s the movie that always makes me laugh. And I wanted to read the stories that I had written that I am so incredibly proud of. But I couldn’t because he broke those things. The way I dealt with loss was always turning to those characters and knowing that not only I can’t do that right now but that I never can again, that life is gonna continue to shit on me and I have to do it without him sucks. 

He had a responsibility. He had a responsibility to be a decent human being, just like everybody else.

I am angry, I am devastated. I don’t know how to proceed with those shambles and I know that he hasn’t touched me, that I don’t have to look at myself in the mirror with the knowledge that I let him do what he did to those women to me. But I know I would’ve that still feels fucking shitty.

I don’t know if anybody will read this. I don’t know if anybody will care about this. This isn’t for you or for them and definitely not for him. I still feel nauseous, because I know that he would fucking get off on knowing the kind of control he has over my life. Has had for many years. I am still picking up the pieces of what I went through yesterday. It will take time and I have friends because of him that helped and will continue to help me through this. I am going to be okay, eventually. For me it’s going to be a lesson, getting away with a black eye so to speak. But there are real people who have really been hurt by this.

So I am asking you, if I can go through this because I know it’s the right thing to do then so can you.

[destielfanfic]

My First Destiel Fic, vol.3

Thank you guys for sharing your memories! My First Destiel Fic is a nostalgic survey open to any destiel fan and has a simple goal - to celebrate fics that were our gateway into a wonderful world of destiel shipping. Thank you, fic writers, you are our heroes!

from @nextheirofslytherin

my first destiel fic was “In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn't Dare Elsewhere” by RhymePhile. the girl i liked who got me into supernatural in middle school recommended it to me, so it always has a special place in my heart 😅 it was the first fic i read on ao3 too! i read it while i was watching s3 (cas hadn’t even shown up yet!) but the show was in its 9-10th season

All fic titles link directly to the fic, when it’s possible, we have added another link to our review or submitted rec post.

In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn’t Dare Elsewhere by rhymephile [M, 34,000 word count, posted 2010] (our review)

It's 1995, and Castiel's high school years are destined to be difficult: home-schooled until eighth grade, he is awkward, shy, and socially inept. The weird kid with the funny name would rather isolate himself and draw in his sketchbook than deal with the constant bullying he faces every day. Things only get worse in his junior year when he excels in home economics class, leading the captain of the baseball team, Alastair, to start taunting him for being gay. Then new student Dean Winchester arrives at Flour Bluff High School, sharing many of Castiel's classes. Castiel has seen his type before -- handsome, athletic, arrogant, and sure to be the most popular kid in school. But Castiel eventually learns that he and Dean have more in common than he thought, and they form an unlikely friendship.

from @deansbff

i joined the fandom in the beginning of 2019 and molting expectations by tricia_16 was the first fic (over 11k words) that i read. it really made me fall in love with deancas because i realised i didn't need them to be in the canon!verse to be so wonderful, their relationship was amazing in whatever universe they were in and it was always intriguing to read about!!

Molting Expectations by tricia_16 [163,100 word count, posted 2019]

After having trouble coping with a traumatic incident on the job, Dean takes his little brother's advice and leaves everything behind to go stay at the old family cabin in Colorado. Nobody's been there for years so it needs some major work, but it's secluded, and that turns out to be exactly what Dean needs in order to start to feel at peace again. Now in the mountains with nothing but nature to amuse himself with, he takes up bird watching and plans a hike into the mountain range across from his cabin in search of a golden eagle. High up in the mountains, he discovers human footprints. Thinking someone is in danger, he follows them into a cave and quickly becomes familiar with a form of wildlife he never could have imagined: winged people who call themselves angels.

from @bornonathursdayinmarch

I actually started out in the fandom against Destiel. I mean, it was pretty clear that Dean Winchester was not into men. But then I read “Redemption Road” by accident around 2015. I didn’t know it was Destiel. But I got really into it and this fic totally changed my mind on Dean/Cas. I have since read hundreds of Destiel fics and I am more into the ship than ever. My absolute favorite fanfic is “Sweaters and Cigarettes” by lemonoclefox. I love how shy, caring Dean softens cynical Castiel and how in love they are despite being so different. It makes me smile when I’m down.

Redemption Road by spnredemption (the fic is a collaborative effort of a group of destiel writers and artists) [NC-17, 650,000 word count, 24 episodes, posted 2011-12)

With Castiel having set himself up as the new God, drunk on power and volatile as a nuclear reactor, Dean, Sam, and Bobby find themselves on the run from the jealous, capricious monster wearing the face of their friend. Desperate for protection and wary of his brother’s mental state since Castiel unlocked Sam’s memories of Hell, Dean knows Castiel must be defused before he can wreak further havoc in Heaven or on Earth. Although Bobby advocates for destroying Castiel by whatever means necessary, Dean is convinced the Cas he once knew still remains, buried somewhere beneath the mass of poisonous souls and calling out for help. Determined to save the angel who once rescued him from Hell and redefined his purpose in life, Dean himself must resist the allure of the false deity vying for his obedience, and come to terms with the knowledge, long-suppressed, that his feelings for Castiel run much deeper than brotherhood. It is this bond, and the dubious distinction of the Righteous Man, that will ultimately grant Dean access to where Castiel’s grace languishes in Purgatory. However, what Dean brings back with him is broken, angry, and only half-angel, certainly not the Castiel he remembers—and nor is it the only thing that returns to Earth with them…

Sweaters & Cigarettes by lemonoclefox [NC-17, 150,000 word count, posted 2014]  NOTE - the fic was deleted from ao3 by the author, please see our review for more details

Dean Winchester is in high school, crushing hard on Castiel Novak, the unbelievably hot goth who Dean does his very best to convince himself he hates, despite the fact that he can’t really stop staring at him. Dean tries, but when the two of them finally cross paths, their first conversation takes a surprising turn. And suddenly, they both find themselves falling harder and faster than they ever could have expected.

from @iamasphodelknox

Hi! The fic that made Destiel my OTP was The Walk series by Persephoneshadow. It blew my mind and I hadn’t even started watching Supernatural yet. 🙈 I started watching the show last year, just as Season 15 was starting. I’m a newbie but this comfort ship felt like coming home. I also read a turn of the earth by microcomets just as I got to season 4 and it is one of the best things I’ve ever read, fic or no. :)

The Walk by Persephoneshadow [NC-17, 190,000 word count, posted 2017]

Castiel tells himself it was a one time thing, even if his night with a hooker named Dean changed his whole world, but he can’t keep away from the man fate keeps throwing in his path. Castiel is married and he knows his sexuality is an affront to God and everything he’s ever been told is right. Dean tells himself he doesn’t care about the weirdo with blue eyes, but every time they meet he gets a bit closer to something like hope. Dean’s nothing but a homeless waste of space with a brother in foster care a world away and a father in the wind. As the connection between these two lost men deepens, it threatens the carefully maintained lies their lives are built on in a story of faith, mistakes, and the journey of love.

a turn of the earth by mishcollin microcomets [NC-17, 95,300 word count, posted 2015] (our review)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run. Frigging fantastic. (Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline pre series and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

If you enjoyed the fic, please drop by the archive (AO3) and let the author know with your comments and/or kudos! And if you found our recs useful, let us know by Liking and/or Reblogging our posts!

You can find all My First Destiel Fic posts under this tag!

[fiore-rosewood9]

♫FrUk :D

Thank you for the ask, I will send a few songs that remind me of fruk, a whole playlist if you may, not only one song. I also touch a few of triggering topics as I explain the nations's personalities and relationships with one another so I apologize in advance if I upset/trigger someone and will put my trigger here - Warning - mentions of abuse, alcoholism, s*exual trauma. Under the explanation there is a playlist of songs that make me think of Ukfr/Fruk, so if anyone gets upset you can feel free to skip my general headcanons about fruk/ukfr relationship dynamics. There are too many songs that make me think of different characters or ships but I collected the ones that make me think the most of them.

I know the original song is by Lady gaga but this version is too sweet and cheesy for me so I chose the rock cover by the group Halestorm since I prefer it, it sounds more genuine and rough and kinda makes me think of the dynamic that ukfr/fruk has, that some people present is as just the enemies to lovers trope or them just fighting which is.....simply unhealthy????? Fruk is much more than that and I wish people would stop seeing it as a two dimensional thing, yeah they do argue on a lot of things and it is not the healthiest dynamic however it does work in my mind because they stick through thin and thick and that requires effort and true love since a lot of people nowdays do not take time to know the other person, they just jump into marriage and have a few divorces and just argue over everything and then separate, fruk is an off and on thing where they break and make. This kind of dedication is hard to find in today's couples. I know they're fictional characters and no one really cares but I practice my psychology skills and my knowledge of people around me, and I sometimes see people with similar or almost the same characters as fictional characters, they may not have all of their hobbies but they do act the same way. And certain pairs, no offence, just make me want to gag my self due to history with bad and toxic fans but if I look at it subjectivly and never encountered mean fans from a certain ship, I would say that they ship simply doesn't work. No ship bashing but as far as I know, people with this kind of personality from this ship that I dislike, and get upset when seeing fan art of, simply just do not get along and had a hard time divorcing, it is not only unhealthy and unbalanced, it is downright abusive because both partners seek control and to have the upper hand and this is not...what romance is about???? It is about two people taking care of each other, understanding personal space and boundaries, lifting each other up and yeah, they will argue a lot, sometimes for small things, sometimes for bigger things, but generally the point of romantic relationships is not someone using you, or abusing you financially and generally being better or bigger than you. This breeds insecurity and jealousy in the other partner and makes them feel inadequate. Usually such problems are not talked over and one of the partners acts passive agressive which is what ultimaltly leads to said divorce. So yeah, people can go away with their (BUT IT IS CUTE, IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE) pairing because real life pairings and how humans communicate and develop friendships and relationships isn't based on what your mind conciders and doesn't concider cute and there are lots of factors on whether relationship will ever happen like common interests, type personality, etc and just block me so I will never hear from them and their childish mindset ever again, which is why I blocked certain tumbrl fan art hetalia accounts who produce art of a pairing I (dislike) lowkey hate, for historical reasons, for manga reasons, for toxic fans who bullied me and made me go on 3 hiatuses reason and ultimatly in real life experience and psychology and how humans and the human mind works and what is healthy and unhealthy reason. Why should I support something where certain people have been hateful towards me and these same people that act like these characters and I know in my life are on bad terms in real life? Why shouldn't I just move on to something more realistic and more healthy, that I have seen that works with humans I know first hand? I am not a clinical psychologist and I have no power or saying in this but I had to write thesis and read books by psycholgists and analyze them in high school and my first year of Uni, in order to pass the year and I have also read reccomended books by a psychologist I went to because I wanted an advice on how to deal with my anxiety and talking to people, because my condition is extremely severe but I honestly feel stuck and try to improve but also feel confused, I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough to

self improve as a human. I sometimes come off as too cold or overly bitter and angry without intending to, and it sucks.

Francis is a really manipulative person and Matthew picked up that from him while part of Alfred's agression doesn't only come from confidence in his own abilities but the fact that England him self is an overly agressive person and is very dominant or at least used to be for a very long time, now he is more mild to keep his gentleman persona but he does suffer from severe anger issues which he hides while Alfred is prone to breaking things and screaming, Arthur is more prone to being rude, sarcastic and generally mean before he loses it. Matthew and Francis do not engage in fight if they can avoid it which is why sometimes people call them cowardly I think? And Matthew is a bit prone to being a codependent people pleaser as far as I see and he seems to have severe anxiety issues. Francis albeit charismatic and beautiful, is deep down in his core lonely.

I think that part of his pervertedness, shocking people with his s*xual humour and all of this sex obsession comes from trauma in his childhood and dressing like a girl. I wouldn't explain what the trauma in question was since it is not canon but I do headcanon that he had s*xual trauma and it is partly why Hungary dressed like a guy. I don't know if this is legit, it is bias from reading too much japanese fan comics relating to hetalia or just general history of humans and how they treated consent and what is moral today, wasn't amoral or against the law a few centuries ago, but I have seen artists touch on it. I think both Arthur and Francis suffer from neglect and they weren't particularly good fathers, in fact no country is, the whole FACE family is dysfunctional and while I love all of them, I kinda pity them. I think Rome was a bit discriminatory mostly towards France and never towards his other children while Arthur had to constantly prove him self and was bullied by his brothers. While other nations have suffered from trauma too (I headcanon that Prussia was burnt on stake and people threw rocks at him due to his albinism and being left handed) something similar happened to Arthur, who I headcanon that he was burnt for being a witch and Francis went a few times through the guillotine, or Arthur still having a bullet scar on his arm from the American revolution or Francis having nightmares from that day where Jeanne was burnt and waking up in his own sweat. Arthur also must suffer from workholism and alcoholism, judging by how much he works and goes to pubs to drink. Everyone chooses their own poison and how to cope with life and many use unhealthy coping mechanisms, hell, even I used unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot in the past and I am not proud of them, in fact, I try to improve.

I can talk about their history and how it relates to their mental health and what scars they have for hours but I would bore you. You came for a song and I am probably boring you so I apologize for writting a lot of words, in advance. I basically think that fruk/ukfr is the ultimate ship for many reasons because they click, I do ship spuk/engita/asakiku and many other things but fruk/ukfr is kinda like butter and bread, it is a great combination. I never said it is 100 percent healthy, however their relationship makes psychological sense and their personalities click. I know people like to present arthur as this dumb tsundere man that blushes and says baka, or he is this garbage rat dad that no one likes or francis is presented or at least used to be this perverted sex machine that touched other countries inappropriatly or at least the 2012-2015 fans saw him this way and while he still has the reputation of a pervert, what many young people in the fandom see as disgusting, I just see as an overly lonely man that just happens to have high libido and copes with it by having casual sex and just has a sex humour, the same way some people have fart jokes humour or darker, more cursed humour, I am really glad that fans mostly left off this whole - Francis is a r**ist and will grope you, in the past, because honestly r**e is not joke and as a character he clearly understands consent and boundaries and I don't think someone like him would do such a thing. Also Greece and Turkey have even higher libido than him and sleep around more, yet he is the ''pervert'', I don't get it??????????? but fruk is just so much more than opposites attract, they have a lot in common so I can't say they're full opposites, no one is truly. I have heard people ask why does anyone ship fruk when it is just opposites attract/enemies to lovers trope and I am honestly confused, because that is extremely rough generalization to say the least, it is like saying - All men/women are the same, it is simply wrong/uncorrect. I think they ''married'' five times - The Treaty of Paris (1657) formed an alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French Alliance (1716–31) formed another alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French blockade of the Río de la Plata (1845-1850). The Anglo-French joint invasion of Qing Dynasty (1856–1860). And the last one which is their official marriage The Entente Cordiale (1904) fought together in both World Wars. As far as I remember Francis tried to marry Arthur but he refused and why he refused is up for subjective opinion but I must write a whole thesis on why Fruk/ukfr works so well and people are not here for that, they're here for the music and I will provide. I also always saw Francis as the more gentle and more submissive partner, I just love to see him drawn in frilly beautiful dresses with bows and stuff and Arthur as the more dominant, I mean as a country he was a powerhouse during the 1600s-1800s and used to be a punkrocker, usually rockers are mentally tough and that man is extremely cunning and witty so...people drawing him as this useless baka uwu overly feminine anorexic boy that looks more like a tween rather than a 23 year old guy just assasinated his character in my opinion and it disturbs me but I am just some awkward human on the internet and no one values my opinion anyway because this is the internet and many people nowdays love to have hot takes and try to gain followers through clickbait stuff which sometimes goes out of control and everything just seems more fake and shallow to me, the more old I get.Okay that was my silly rant no one asked about but I feel really passionate about hetalia and Fruk/Ukfr. Anyway, I apologize again for my long rant and going all over the place, please enjoy this playlist

PLAYLIST WITH SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF FRUK/UKFR

1 - Halestorm - Bad romance - rock cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll4NJs3NBIU

2 - Queen - Somebody to love - lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk

3 - ABBA - Voulez vous - (I know everyone chooses Waterloo and while waterloo is a fruk theme, I think Voulez vous works too) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcgMVXuBJc

4 - London beat - I've been thinking about you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBryyQSrD8

5 - Santana - Smooth - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

6 - George Michael - Careless whisper - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

7 - Robbie Williams - Feel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk

8 - Michael Buble - Feeling good - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI

9 - Edith Piaf - La vie en rose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4

10 - Chopin - Marriage d'amour (Spring waltz) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJ7kDva7JE

11 - Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERw2LuU6Jj8

[crescairis]

Hi! I don't mean this to be disrespectful in any way, shape, or form, so please forgive me if it comes off as such!

What is the difference between kin (as in like those tiktoks they say yoy "kin" characters), otherkin, and i believe you called it fictionlink?

hello there! your politeness is appreciated!

a note before i start: in this context, i define voluntary and involuntary as the ability (or inability) to stop identifying with or as something or someone.

while others may define it as the ability/inability to choose one's identity with or as something/someone, i feel like defining it by the ability to stop accounts for people whose awakenings were brought on by a more casual identity!

that being said, the explanation is as such:

1) kin (as in "kinning") is typically defined as a nonhuman and/or fictional identity that is voluntarily cultivated; for example, i could look at ivy from carmen sandiego and go "wow, we're so alike! i kin her" while not actually believing that i am, was, or ever will be ivy, spiritually, psychologically, or otherwise. while this identity could evolve into something more, for many people, it stays a casual hobby! kinning only became a popular trend in the past 5-6 years, and it's based almost entirely in a misunderstanding of the otherkin community.

2) otherkin is defined as an involuntary nonhuman and/or fictional identity with multiple possible roots, whether they be spiritual, psychological, or otherwise; for example, i'm kin with ivy from carmen sandiego, because bits of her soul got mixed into mine! for the large majority of otherkin, this is a serious, impactful identity; in fact, the otherkin community has existed since the 1970s, and it has roots in neo-paganism! extensive notes have been taken on otherkin history (the otherkin timeline by orion scribner), and people have even written books about otherkinity! (a field guide to otherkin by lupa)

oftentimes, people who "kin for fun" (KFFs) are at odds with otherkin, largely because they don't understand or even respect the weight that otherkin put into their identities. the idea that "kinning for fun doesn't hurt anyone" has been rebuked multiple times by otherkin who've been scorned by KFFs who responded negatively to learning that otherkin actually believed they were their kintype. (us included!)

just as well, KFFs, due to their belief that kintypes can be picked up and "dropped" at will, also tend to believe that one shouldn't have "problematic" kintypes, and that whoever does should "drop" them, because having them makes them a bad person.

otherkin...can't do this! sure, they could shove that kintype into the back of their mind and try to forget about it, but it's bound to resurface. we have personal experience with this! that's what involuntary means!

but i digress!

3) fictionlinks, or more widely, otherlinks, are defined as a nonhuman and/or fictional identity that is voluntarily cultivated for a variety of reasons; this is the term that otherkin very often suggest KFFs use instead! originally coined as copinglink (a voluntary identity cultivated for coping reasons) in 2015, the term was broadened to otherlink to accomodate those who either didn't have linktypes for coping reasons, or didn't want to have coping in the name.

i'm...not really sure why so few KFFs actually take our advice and use the term 'link? people can be very stubborn :(

otherlinking is fascinating to us as well, because identities that are voluntarily kept and cultivated have the capacity to be stronger than ones that aren't!

vergil (co-host) hardly thinks about his past lives nowadays, largely because they're all parts of him that will exist no matter what; voluntary identities, however, usually take a lot more effort and thought to keep! in this way, they almost have the potential to become involuntary! it's all very interesting stuff :)

thank you again for asking!

[scapegrace74-blog]

Lucky

A/N  I’m enjoying going back and filling in some of the missing Metric Universe details.  This one is set during the time of Jamie’s injury, so just after The Beginning, and it introduces some important secondary characters.

Inspired by the Radiohead song “Lucky”, and particularly by Thom Yorke wailing “it’s going to be a glorious day” as though he is trying to will it to be true from the depths of his agonized soul.

The entire Metric Universe is available on my Ao3 page.

January 6, 2015, The Royal London Hospital

Sterile hallways.  The noxious funk of London smog blending with the antiseptic sting of the Intensive Care Unit.  The endless thrum of traffic, bleep of life-saving equipment, squeak of rubber soles on linoleum.  It was only when she left the Highlands that she realized how much she took their clean air and miles of quiet for granted.

A few feet away from where she kept vigil in a stiff avocado chair, her brother lay in a medically-induced coma.  An orchestra of machinery beat out the tempo to his survival.  The zigs and zags of his heartbeat against the ivory background of an electrocardiograph called forth memories of their youth, racing like wee fiends down the snow-laden slopes behind Lallybroch.

Younger by four years, Jamie had long been larger-than-life, even before he surpassed her own diminutive stature at age eleven.  Lying now under hospital sheets carefully draped to avoid his flayed back, she remembered the tiny babe in arms their mother had carefully lowered into her lap all those years ago.  Fragile, as though life clung to him with only a provisional grip.

“Dinna ye dare think of leaving me, Jamie Fraser,” she softly threatened for what must be the hundredth time since arriving at her brother’s bedside five days before.  “I ken ye miss them, but Mam and Da have each other now.  I only have you.”

January 11, 2015, The Royal London Hospital

“Fer the love of Christ and all the saints, jus’ drink the damn water ye clotheid!” an all-too-familiar female voice rang out.

“Leave me in peace, Janet.  I dinna want any water,” a masculine growl replied.

Ian Murray was still some distance from Room 418A, but he could hear the siblings bickering just fine.  Doubtless a good handful of staff and other patients were within earshot as well.  He rounded the corner and observed a scene that was equal parts poignant, comic and exasperating.

Immobile by necessity while the surface of his back slowly reinvented itself, his best friend lay facing the door.  Ian’s fiancée stood beside the bedrail, five feet of visible agitation.  She held a cup of ice water so tightly in her right hand, the straw quivered.

Jamie was no longer the pallid husk who awaited them at the end of a frantic race from Lallybroch to the Royal London that first morning of the new year.  Normally hale and over-flowing with vitality, it was distressing to witness him so motionless, eyes sunken and muscles slack.  Unfortunately for both Jamie and Ian, Jenny’s sharp tongue increased in direct proportion to how much emotional turmoil she was forced to cope with.

“Och, ye’re finally here,” the woman in question exclaimed.  “Will ye explain tae this bampot tha’ he willna improve if he doesna listen tae what his doctors tell him?”

“And what of no’ getting me riled up, hmm?  Ye dinna seem tae care what the doctors say when ye stick yer neb in my face every twa minutes.”

“Mebbe the doctors dinna realize that ye’re a muckle-sized bairn with the sense God gave an...”

“ALRIGHT, THE BOTH OF YE!” Ian yelled over the melee.  “I am tired of hearing ye bicker an’ so is the entire fourth floor.  Jenny, ye’re tired.  I’ll take o’er for the night while ye get some rest.  An’ Jamie, drink yer water before I pour it over yer bloody hot head.”

Both Frasers froze with their mouths open in retort, surprised by Ian’s uncharacteristic outburst.  A deafening minute of silence elapsed before Jenny silently gathered her coat, cap and purse, wished the two men a curt goodnight, then left in a swish of gabardine and discontent.

“Ye’re gonna pay for that later,” Jamie remarked, bending a rueful smirk around the extended straw.

“It’ll be worth it no’ tae hear ye two scold each other fer eight hours,” Ian retorted, taking Jenny’s place in the uncomfortable avocado armchair but sliding it back a foot so that it no longer blocked Jamie’s view of the hallway.  

“Jen could harry Auld Nick inta church, and ye ken it well, a charaid.”

“Grant her some mercy.  She’s scared witless, Jamie.  After yer Da...” Ian left the rest unsaid.

His childhood friend nodded against the bleach white pillow, weariness and something more insidious weighting his eyes closed.  Minutes passed, but Ian could tell from his irregular breath than Jamie was still awake.

“How is it today?”

A shoulder twitched in a minute shrug which still caused its owner’s brows to furrow with pain, though his eyes remained closed.

“Hurts like hell, if ye must know.  But I’m told I should feel lucky tae be alive by a team o’ London’s finest medical minds.”

“And do ye?” Ian persisted, trying to excavate the kernel of anguish that lay almost hidden beneath all the layers of physical pain.  It had been nagging at him since Jamie first woke three days earlier.  It wasn’t only the extensive physical damage to his body and daunting road to recovery that was afflicting his friend.  The blast had shifted something nearer his foundation, destabilizing the very structure of the man he’d known since childhood.

A long, hissing breath told him Jamie understood what Ian meant by his question, and was giving it due consideration.

“Mebbe feeling lucky is wha’ led me tae this hospital bed.”  He spoke quietly but urgently, with the tone of a penitent in the confessional booth awaiting divine judgement.

“Ye dinna mean ye think ye deserved tae be burnt near tae death?  Christ, Jamie, twas an industrial accident and ye’re a firefighter.  Awful luck, aye, but twasn’t something ye did or didna do that brought it upon ye.”

Another long pause, and this time Ian thought his friend may have fallen asleep.  Finally, almost drowned out by the whir and whisper of life-giving machinery,

“I dinna ken what I think anymore, a charaid.  I got lost, an’ this is where my mindless feet brought me.”

Long after Jamie drifted to sleep, Ian sat in the awkward chair, listening to his breathing and trying to make sense of what he’d just been told.

February 13, 2015, The Royal London Hospital

Beads of sweat furled down his neck and his back burned anew.   Aegrescit medendo, he thought wryly as he readjusted his grip on the wheeled walker and continued his unsteady progress.

“Very good, lad.  We’ll have you running again in no time!”  Dauntlessly cheerful and deceptively matronly, Jamie soon learned that Maureen Graham was an exacting physical therapist as well.  It was exactly what he wanted, when he wasn’t cursing her for it.

“Can we no’ take the elevator to another floor?  Mebbe down tae the A&E?”  Jamie tried to pass it off as an offhand request, but silver-grey eyes narrowed shrewdly.

“That’s the third time you’ve asked to go downstairs this week, Jamie Fraser.  I’m beginning to think you don’t like my ward.”

Thwarted, he carefully pivoted in a half circle and began the arduous trek back down the hallway to his room.  Six weeks spent nearly immobile while the surface of his back was slowly reborn had sapped all his strength.  Even if permission had been granted, he wasn’t certain he could navigate his weakened frame all the way to the emergency ward he’d last visited the night of his accident.  The last place he’d seen her.

“What’s her name?” Mrs. Graham asked as he shuffled the final few feet and sank gratefully against his bed.  He thought about deflecting her conjecture, but it posed an opportunity too good to pass up.

“I dinna ken”, he confessed.  “Twas the nurse who saw tae me when I was first admitted.  Curly brown hair.  Eyes the colour o’ ripened barley.  I think she served overseas fer a time.  Afghanistan, mebbe?”

He was doing his best to appear nonchalant, aided in part by the fact that his muscles twitched violently after every therapy session, but he still didn’t think he was fooling Mrs. Graham.

“Oh, I know just the one.  You were lucky to be in her hands.  No wonder you pulled through.”  She poured a large amount of fresh water into his re-useable bottle.  He drank it down in rapid gulps that leaked over his chin.  He realized his was beyond pride at this point.

“Her name?” he begged.

“Nurse Beecham.  Spelled the French way, but she’s as English as they come.”

Nurse Beauchamp.  She finally had a name.  He vowed he would recover his strength so that one day he could walk up to her and properly express his gratitude.

[calzona-ga]

EXCLUSIVE: ABC’s promo for the Season 17 premiere of Grey’s Anatomy teased a “shocking, jaw-dropping ending.” That was an understatement.

In one of the series’ biggest twists ever, a beloved character, Patrick Dempsey’s Derek Shepherd, whose tragic death in an April 2015 episode left fans heartbroken, came back. Appropriately, the late McDreamy appeared in a dream sequence, joining Ellen Pompeo’s Meredith Grey on a beach seconds after Meredith collapsed in the parking lot of Grey Sloan Memorial.

The sweet Meredith-Derek reunion was the joyous coda to an emotional two-hour season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy’s 17th season, dedicated to frontline healthcare workers, which marked the conclusion of a Station 19 crossover. It was marked by tragedy, as Meredith struggled to cope with the mounting COVID deaths at the hospital; anger, as medical personnel were left to fight the disease without enough PPE; hope, as the teenage girl whom DeLuca had unsuccessfully tried to save from human trafficking was reunited with her family; heartbreak, as Owen refused to reconcile with Teddy despite her pleas for forgiveness; and happiness, as Link and Derek’s sister Amelia took their newborn baby boy home. In fact, just minutes after Link announced their son’s name, Scout Derek Shepherd Lincoln, Derek made his appearance. While not necessarily designed as a clue, “it all came together quite beautifully,” Grey’s Anatomy showrunner Krista Vernoff and star Pompeo said.

In an exclusive interview with Deadline, which had known about the big twist, Dempsey, Vernoff and Pompeo reveal how the idea for McDreamy’s return came about, how long he will stick around, how the scene was filmed, and the great lengths to which the show went in order to keep the cameo a secret so fans can fully enjoy it.

Vernoff and Pompeo also address Meredith’s fate following her medical emergency and in the context of Pompeo’s contract coming up at the end of the season, how the real-life coronavirus pandemic changed Grey’s Anatomy on and off the screen, whether will there be COVID casualties among the staff of Grey Sloan, are there plans for a time jump, and is there hope for Teddy and Owen.

Dempsey, who has a cancer foundation, had his own questions for Vernoff and Pompeo about whether advancements in COVID treatments and the issue of wearing masks are reflected on the show.

DEADLINE: Before we talk about Patrick’s return, let’s address the incident that brought on the cameo, Meredith’s collapse, because we usually associate those kind of visions with somebody on the brink of death. Is Meredith OK? Is this just her being overworked, or is it COVID or something else very serious?

VERNOFF: Well, you have to tune in next week. We started the episode with Meredith dreaming of a beach, and at the end of the episode, she’s dreaming of the beach where Derek happens to be, and that’s what we know so far.

DEADLINE: How did the idea to bring Patrick back come about?

VERNOFF: From a writer’s perspective, it happened because it was my job to find a way — once we determined that we were doing the pandemic — to also bring joy, and escape, and fan candy, and all the things that at Grey’s Anatomy we give people. We give them romance, and we give them humor, and we give them joy, and a lot of that is lacking for the medical community in this pandemic. And so, I was walking on the beach one day, and I was like, what if there’s a Meredith dream motif?

There have been studies about how intense our dream life has been. In the pandemic, people are having really intense dreams because of the lockdown. We’re not getting enough stimulation, and so, it’s happening in our dreams. So, it started as that. It started as, how do we give people some escape. I had this imagining of a beach motif throughout the season, and I called Ellen, and I said, what if we bring back, I don’t know, some dead character that you could dream of on the beach, that would be so fun for the fans.

And she said, let’s get Patrick. Even in my most excitable dream life, that thought hadn’t occurred to me as an option, and there it was.

DEADLINE: Ellen, what made you think of Patrick?

POMPEO: Patrick and I both have homes in Malibu, and we went for a hike one day. I had known that Krista wanted to do a beach thing, and I was at the beach. Patrick and I weren’t hiking on the beach, but we were hiking in Malibu, which, you can see the beach.

And the idea just struck me so I just said to him, would you ever consider coming and being a part of the storytelling this season? I know that Patrick has his foundation in Maine where he helps cancer patients and cancer survivors, and that’s a huge effort of his, and I know that it’s important to him, also, to give people hope, and give people joy, and we wanted to bring something to this moment.

There’s just so much darkness, and we knew that coming together would be a little ray of light. And so, I think we had the same idea, at the core, to want to help people and bring a smile to people’s faces. So, he loved the idea, and we were just so excited, and we had a ball filming it.

DEADLINE: Patrick, were you surprised when Ellen asked? What made you say yes?

DEMPSEY: I had a lot of calls from a lot of local government officials in Maine saying, we really need to get the message out there, to get people to socially distance, to wear a mask. I came across a photo that I was going to post that had Ellen and I, and I think that produced a call where I reached out to Ellen, and this was right around, the conversation was starting for Season 17. And Ellen’s like, let’s get together, I want to go over a couple things, I want to catch up.

We hadn’t spoken or been together for a while. It was a great opportunity to catch up and say, OK, what can we do for all the frontline responders? I’ve been tracking what Grey’s had been doing with giving masks, and making sure that people had the right equipment, and it came from that place — OK, what can we do to make people feel better, to give some comfort in this time of uncertainty, and that’s how it began. And it was really a wonderful experience to go back, to work with [director/EP] Debbie [Allen].

I think the whole atmosphere has changed, certainly working at the beach, and seeing everybody again was really a very healing process, and really rewarding, and a lot of fun. And hopefully, that feeling translates, and the fans enjoy it. I know that they’ve been wanting us to get back together, and I think this will satisfy a lot of people, and surprise a lot of people, hopefully.

DEADLINE: Was it easy to go back into character?

DEMPSEY: It was really enjoyable. It was really exciting, and fun, and it was great to see everybody. Kevin [McKidd, who directs Episode 3] was there as well, so there was a lot of familiar faces, a lot of new faces. The dynamic behind the camera had changed. There’s much more diversity within the crew. There was a nice balance, too, of equality that I was seeing. So, culturally, there was a lot of things that were different, that I thought were very positive and very inspiring, actually.

DEADLINE: Ellen, Patrick, did you filmed the beach scene together?

POMPEO: Yes.

DEADLINE: How was it looking at each other, on set, in character, after so many years?

DEMPSEY: Well, I have less eyesight than I used to, so (laughter). It was great. It was really fun, very special. it felt really comfortable, incredibly safe. The whole process, I have to say, from getting tested before even showing up to the set, the whole process in which we shot, I felt safe the whole time. You felt the crew was protected. We had the outdoor space, and it was easy.

POMPEO: It felt great. Patrick and I have this chemistry, where I think, even from when we first met, for some reason it just felt like we’ve known each other for a hundred years, and it’s just the same feeling. It’s like riding a bike, we just have a chemistry and a dynamic that’s always served us well, and I think we have a genuine affection for each other.

And it was very healing to come back, and know that we’re doing something good, putting out a positive story, a healing story, going to make people smile, and I think, for me, I’m really grateful for the opportunity to be able to be at this place in the show where we can do this. We constantly get to rewrite, I don’t want to say the ending, but we get to keep the rewrites going, which, I guess, you writers love, right?

They love to start over, to scrap it and rewrite it, and make it better, and that’s what’s fun about this process this far along, is getting the opportunity to work with Patrick again, and just coming up with ideas, how do we keep surprising the fans, and how do we keep the quality of the show up, is what makes it continue to be fun.

DEADLINE: How long is Patrick going to stick around for?

VERNOFF: It’s more than the one scene you saw, Nellie, and it was just joyful. I really want to echo that. Patrick and Ellen and I were all there at the beginning of this; I wasn’t there for the pilot, but I was there for the first seven seasons, and that was 17 years ago. That was, like, a lifetime ago; my kids weren’t alive. It was so wild to walk out on that beach, and just be together again as these different people that we are now. But I can’t overstate how joyful and healing an experience this was.

DEMPSEY: Yeah, for me as well. It was really special. It’s really hard to believe, 17 years, that’s remarkable. I mean, a lot of us didn’t have children at that point, right? So, our kids have grown up, they’re now in school. It’s crazy how much time has passed, but it really was so comforting, and lovely, and inspiring to go back, and to work together, to see everybody. It really was so open, too, that was the thing, really, people were very, I think, vulnerable in a positive way, where we were all grateful to be there and to be together.

DEADLINE: And you are game to do more episodes?

DEMPSEY: Yeah, it was fun, because I really love the message of what the dynamic is in this story. With everything that we’re dealing with right now, and certainly we have been distracted with the election, but we’re going to get back into the reality of COVID and being in a pandemic, and all the lives that have been lost. Where are these souls going? And I think that’s what attracted me to this storyline, I think it can be really helpful and healing to so many people.

POMPEO: I also think that, in a strange way, the behind the scenes of the show is certainly paralleling what we need, with the stories that we put out. What do we love about the show? We love that the show brings people together. We love that the show hopefully opens people’s minds, it opens people’s hearts, and I think that, in the running of the show and the making of the show, if we follow those same principles, if we follow the principles of love first, of acceptance, of open mind, open heart, forgiveness, all of it is, that’s the message of Grey’s.

And for us to be able to mirror that behind the scenes, and truly walk our walk and talk our talk with each other, those who created the show, I think, is a really amazing full-circle sort of story for a TV show that’s gone on this long.

DEADLINE: How hard was it to keep Patrick’s return a secret?

VERNOFF: I have to say that it was an epic feat, the keeping of this secret. I didn’t send cuts to the studio and network that included that last scene. I didn’t have writers’ assistants in the writers’ room for the last couple of months. There were writers who didn’t know we were doing this on that staff. Most of the actors didn’t know we were doing this. The crew didn’t know we were doing this when they showed up on the day.

I put the name “Ellis Grey” in the script that we read at the table, and I had Meredith say “Mom” at the table, so we got there on the day, and no one had been told what was happening. So, also watching the crew react, and [producer] Linda Klein, who’s been there from the beginning, we got Norman back, who was our amazing hair guy from the beginning [Norman T. Leavitt was makeup department head on ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy for the first 14 seasons]. I was like a crazy person with this secret. And Ellen and I were texting at all hours of the night, like, who knows, I think this person.

POMPEO: Absolutely.

DEADLINE: Will we see Ellis on the show this season?

VERNOFF: I don’t know. I don’t know. You have to tune in and see who comes to the beach. It’ll be a joyful discovery.

DEADLINE: Ellen, your character is dealing with a lot of tragic COVID deaths in the premiere. For you and Krista, will we see some tragedy within the ranks of the Grey Sloan staff too? A lot of medical professionals have lost their lives to COVID in real life.

POMPEO: I think we have a responsibility to really show what these healthcare workers have been going through. It’s so easy for a big part of the population to just be irritated with wearing a mask, and they’re sort of disconnected from what real doctors and nurses and anyone who works in a hospital are actually dealing with.

I don’t want to speak for Krista, but I think for me, certainly, I saw this as an opportunity to tell the story of how hard this is for our healthcare workers; it’s devastating for them. I think Krista will tell you that they’ve sat down with so many doctors and nurses, and they hear the stories, and they’re writing right from these stories that they’re hearing. And this has been devastating, and changed the medical community forever.

So we have to show, that’s our responsibility, to show what a struggle this is for healthcare workers, and continues to be as we see [COVID] numbers spiking again. We have to try to spread some empathy, and show people that this is very real, and it’s really hard, and the next time you want to complain about wearing a mask, think about what these people have to do. They have to wear a mask, they have to wear full PPE, full cappers. They literally have to do 50 things just to be able to perform their job.

DEADLINE: Krista?

VERNOFF: I have to say that I feel like Ellen did an extraordinary job in that premiere, paying respect to healthcare workers with her performance. The thing that she did is exactly what I’ve been talking about so much, which is that these doctors and nurses who come to the writers’ room every year. They are joyful and excited, and they’re always there to tell us these exciting stories. And this year, it felt like, it was the first time they were talking to anybody.

It was the first break they were taking. It was the first time anyone was asking them what they were living through, and to a person, it felt like they were on the verge of breaking. They were different people, and I felt like Ellen so beautifully embodied it throughout this episode, the change, what this pandemic is doing to people who were trained to help and heal, but not trained to walk through war, and not trained to lose dozens of patients, sometimes in a day.

It’s breaking them, and I feel like we’re already showing the strain and the impact, and yes, there will be more of that, and somehow, we’re also bringing joy. We’ve been carefully threading this needle, of paying honor and homage, and telling the truth of this story, while finding ways to also bring joy to the audience, and I’m really excited about Season 17.

DEADLINE: You’re not going to hint whether anyone on the show is in jeopardy, are you?

VERNOFF: Well, for sure, Nellie, for sure people are in jeopardy. Meredith collapses at the end of the premiere. People are in jeopardy, and multiple people are in jeopardy throughout the season, in myriad ways, because that’s the moment we’re living through.

DEADLINE: Ellen, should we read more into Meredith’s collapse in light of you figuring out your future on the show? You have said that you’re not sure what you’re going to do beyond this season.

POMPEO: You can’t read into anything. Really, that’s dangerous territory. I think that, collectively, we, or creatively, it’s the same this year as it always is. Is there a reason to continue? What stories do we have to tell? What characters do we have to bring back that gives us story to tell? I said in another interview last week, we’re always in this incredibly sweet spot with this show, for whatever reason.

We always have incredible circumstances that allow us to continue creatively, whether it’s ideas, or circumstances that happen. Our goal is just to make good TV. I think we’re all aware of the icon status of the show, we’re so aware of that, and I think that that’s why Patrick was so humble and so grateful to be able to come back, because we are very grateful that we have this huge platform. And I don’t think any of us take the platform that we have lightly.

And so, at this point, I think, we don’t know what we’re going to do. We know that we’re grateful, and we know that we want to show our gratitude, and grateful to each other making the show, that we’re able to keep continuing to grow, and to tell stories that we think are important, and getting this moment. Listen, who gets career runs like this? Patrick Dempsey’s been working since he’s … I know he’s been working off-camera even earlier, but I mean, when was your first role, Patrick, when you were 16 or 17?

DEMPSEY: Sixteen, 17, so 30 years.

POMPEO: Who gets a run like that? So, I just think that we’re incredibly grateful to be able to still be here, and be telling these stories that we feel are important, and we’ll see. Creatively, this is our heavy-lifting, to keep raising the bar for ourselves, but we’ve got something great, which is we’ve got gratitude, and we’re all smart, creative people. So, if there’s a way to figure it out, we certainly will.

DEMPSEY: The range of emotions, where you’re getting a chance to cry, but you’re also getting a chance to laugh, I think that’s a huge success in the storytelling. The whole ride has been remarkable on so many levels, being a part of this show for so many years, and it’s profoundly changed my life in so many ways. I’m very grateful for that, and hopefully to use that platform in a positive way, where you’re doing something good. And I’m grateful to be a part of this show at this particular moment in time.

DEADLINE: The premiere is set in April 2020. Krista, will the show fast forward to now?

VERNOFF: We’re not fast forwarding. We’re playing it through. So, by the time it’s airing, most of what we’re doing is almost a year ago, in the timeline. And there’s more joy.

DEMPSEY: Do you get into how the disease is treated over time as well? Do you get into how the science — and I think this is an important thing for us to remember and to really believe in the science, in the breakthroughs that they’re making on a daily basis. How do you track that, and has that been part of your conversation?

VERNOFF: It is. It’s a constant part of the conversation, and we have three doctors on staff now who come into the writers’ room most of the time, and we have a lot of conversations of even the evolution, what you see in terms of the protective gear that they’re wearing in the premiere versus the evolution of the protective gear, when are they treating with ventilators and when are they not. There were drug studies and drug trials, and we’re doing our best to be honest about that progress, and also the evolution in the hospitals.

Grey Sloan in the premiere has a special COVID ward, and these intake tents, and then, throughout the course of the season, other spaces evolve to hold COVID patients, and we’re hearing news about other hospitals. Washington was hit really hard early on. So, we’re trying to play through all of that.

DEMPSEY: Sorry, follow-up question, if I may. Do you get into the politics of the mask, and how that affects in a negative or a positive way? Do you go down that road at all?

VERNOFF: We try to stay away from overt politics, and the politicizing of the mask is a real thing that happened. So, we’re not talking about politicians. We just don’t do that at Grey’s Anatomy, partly because we want the show to be for everybody, and we don’t want it to become so polarizing, where it feels like we’re preaching from some particular pulpit. We’re just sticking with the science, and the reaction of doctors to the idea that people are not understanding and/or not believing that masks are imperative to protect other people and themselves.

So, we’re playing it through character, is the answer, like what an outrage it is for these doctors, who spend their lives and their all-day, every-day, trying to save people, to see human beings out there choosing not to protect their fellow human beings, because they’re not believing in science, and they’re not believing scientists.

DEADLINE: How is filming going? Grey’s was one of the first shows to shut down production early in the pandemic to protect the cast and crew. How is it now, with the new COVID wave? I write stories about shutdowns virtually every day.

VERNOFF: I mean, knocking wood, so far.

POMPEO: Good so far, yeah. We’re good. Of course, anything can happen at any moment, but I think that collectively, everybody’s really careful. And again, we’re trying to be mindful of one another, and we’re trying to be mindful of how we live our lives when we’re not at work, because that’s the smart thing to do, and we have to come to work and keep everybody safe. Nobody wants to get shut down.

VERNOFF: We’re really careful in our creating of the show, also, to help the actors feel safe. We shut down before other shows, we also came back to production before a lot of other shows, thanks to truly the leadership of Debbie Allen. There was some leadership from me, but for sure, it was guided by Debbie Allen going, if we don’t come back, we’re never going to come back, come on, Krista, we’re coming back. Set a date, set a date, set a date, where’s the scripts? Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

She kept saying, if you put a date on the calendar, we’re going to work toward it, and we’re going to figure out how to do it safely, and we really did figure out how to do it safely. We were lucky that we’re set in a hospital, so that our actors, when they’re working together tightly, can be in masks. But it was also my job, and the job of the writers, to come up with plans and motifs that allowed the audience to see the actors’ faces, and the actors to feel safe in that.

So, you didn’t just see a beach motif, which is a continuing motif through the season, and it was designed, that particular motif, so that Ellen could come to work without a mask and feel safe, because she’s outside; the epidemiologists have been clear about how much safer outside is. But you also saw, for the first time in 17 seasons, Meredith’s house back yard. We built a backyard set on the exterior of the lot, outside the writers’ bungalow, so that those actors could give us some no-mask time, and feel safe in the beginning.

And more and more, we’re understanding how to keep everyone safe indoors, so we’re getting a little bit more without masks indoors, but at the beginning, we had to really be creative, in terms of how are we doing this, how are we keeping ourselves safe, how are we helping them feel safe, and how are we giving the fans a show that’s joyful in addition to true.

DEADLINE: And one final question: is there any hope for Teddy and Owen?

VERNOFF: Teddy is doing good. They’ve got a long haul, Nellie. If there’s hope for them, it’s in the ethers, but you know, I didn’t have a lot of hope that Patrick Dempsey was going to be back on Grey’s Anatomy last year, and look where we are. So…