#just truly unhinged individuals

[criminalizegolf]

Pls rb if you vote or whatever

[ducks-love-peas]

Good Omens s2 e2 | minisode A Companion to Owls

[pebblesmustard]

I don't think I can ever describe it decently enough but finding a kindred spirit (of sorts) between two authors' voices (especially when they are so distinct from one another and unique to themselves) is so magical.

[ratgirrrl]

try not to put an insane violent woman in everything you write challenge (failed)

[wolsalwastaken]

Rant + spoiler warning for TBOB

So like, thinking back on Bill’s behavior in The Book Of Bill, I kinda realized something that I haven’t seen anyone talk about?

He does not understand the difference between “right” and “wrong”. Now, I think he sometimes can tell the different between the two, but it’s definitely not 100% of the time.

Many of the clearly abusive and cruel things he did seem like he legitimately did not understand at all how messed up it truly was, he seems to legitimately believe it was a mutual game between the 2. While he’s sadistic and a liar, it would frankly be a strange thing to lie about, as it’s almost more incriminating than saying he wanted to mess with him.

Like, he literally essentially just says it’s a “sexy little game” (paraphrasing obv). It truly seems he has such little grasp on how things work that he doesn’t fully grasp the difference, it’s possible that maybe his perception of himself is just so warped that he literally doesn’t grasp the difference between objective rights and wrongs. I mean, he himself said he doesn’t understand the difference between fear and love.

So whilst obviously his behavior is beyond unforgivable, I do not think he’s beyond redemption because conceivably, it’s likely a lot of what he did were things he didn’t understand fully. He seems like a deeply troubled, ill individual, but like if he allowed therapy to work, he realistically *could* recover.

Anyways enjoy my unhinged rant lol

[absolutebl]

Best & Worst BLs of 2023

My Top 15 BLs of 2023 are (in order)

1 Our Dating Sim

Korea Viki

Nerds in love, deadlines, gaming, teasing, pining tiny idiots, casual affection, linguistic oops, ADORABLE. If you haven't watched this, it's a must. A perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy.

I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent.

Also recieves my 2023 award for best giggle.

2 I Cannot Reach You

AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

Japan Netflix

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen.

Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way.

This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen.

Also wins the best thirst award.

These were the 2 BLs that got 10/10 from me in 2023. The rest of these got 9/10 from me.

3 My School President

Thailand YouTube

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? My favourite GMMTV BL offering to date. And yes, I've watched them ALL.

Received the Namgoong award for best wingman 2023.

4 I Feel You Linger in the Air

Thailand grey

IFYLITA is an exquisite BL, from filming techniques to narrative framework. Steeped in history and family drama this is an elegant and classy BL. The main couple (both as a pair and individuals) were excellent, particularly Bright (Yai) whose eye-work acting style is a personal favorite of mine. It's a marker of how great it was that it's so high on my list despite the ending which was very much not what I wanted.

Additional accolade, sexiest moment of 2023 - (the oil scene).

You could try to fight me, but you'll have no grip.

5 Kiseki: Dear to Me

Taiwan Gaga & Viki

The plot is totally ridiculous and slightly unhinged. There’s a gum-ball machine of cameos, elder gay rep, great chemistry from all pairs (everyone is queer), and a KILLER side couple. It involves all the tropes under a very offhand framework of gay mafia gangs + food = love. As a result Kiseki is a poster child for Taiwanese BL, and I happen to love Taiwanese BL. Bonus? They also managed to END IT WELL, which we cannot expect from Taiwan.

Best side couple 2023!

(thank goodness Taiwan made this list!)

6 Jun and Jun

Korea Viki

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. With a snappy (sometimes even raunchy) script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and descent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching.

Best flirting 2023.

AKA "the tongue knows" award

7 The Eighth Sense

Korea Viki

This one is a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it has a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

2023's most likely to appeal to non-BL watchers.

8 Unintentional Love Story

Korea iQIYI

The lead, Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT, who carried this show. He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, which he used to carry a killer plot and challenging role. Forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the eyes EMOTING at us in PAIN. Driven by external conflict, social tension and pressure this story seems simple but it's actually refined and quite complex. I loved this show.

Best story structure 2023.

9 My Personal Weatherman

AKA Taikan Yoho

Japan Gaga

This is classic yaoi of the kind that really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but both are so repressed they actually don't realize they're in love. It's high heat is well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" which is exacerbated by the fact that they're already fucking. Sure is sexy tho.

Best use of props 2023 for the shower of sheets.

10 Our Dining Table

AKA Bokura no Shokutaku

Japan Gaga

Lonely salaryman and talented cook gets accidentally adopted by a college kid and his little brother. It’s a quiet & cozy little parable of found family alleviating loneliness. It's lovely & sweet with the romance beats used to build a family relationship, not just couple intimacy. Special.

First prize for domesticity.

11 Laws of Attraction

Thailand iQIYI

This is a great gay suspense thriller with several solid couples, fun plot, killer characters, queer rep, and a happy ending. It’s tons of fun and I had an absolute blast watching it.

Charn wins my favorite character of 2023.

12 La Pluie

Thailand Viki

This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL. With good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn high marks.

Most interesting concept 2023.

13 The New Employee

Korea Viki

So good, SO QUEER, so soft, a near pitch perfect office BL with conflict derived from that setting. Also found family and a lesbian bestie. This is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Rainbow rice cakes forever!

Best overall queer rep from Korea.

14 Step By Step

Thailand Gaga & YouTube & Viki

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one. This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk which added tension to the narrative and character development.

Chot wins best queer character 2023.

15 Love Tractor

Korea iQIYI

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed = all my favorite silly tropes.

Biggest "he so pretty" gasp of the year award.

10 Worst BLs of 2023 (that I watched)

My Blessing

My Universe: Casanova Begins

Boyband the series

Cafe In Love

Chains of Heart

Hit Bite Love

Only Friends

Senior Love Me

The Luminous Solution

The Promise

Yes, you read that right. I know I'm against the flow but I really did not like Only Friends. Everyone's taste is different.

However I DNFed faster and more BL's this year than ever before, so that means my 10 worst probably aren't quite reflective...

10 Probably Actually Worst BLs (I dropped 'em)

My Story

The Day I Loved You

Beyond the Star

Crazy Handsome Rich

Dinosaur Love

House of Stars

Mr Cinderella 2

Love Bill

Stormy Honeymoon

The Star Always Follow You

Codicils in General

I only carefully track/watch Thailand, Taiwan, Korea, and Japan. Other countries are not fully represented.

My Numbers

So my spreadsheet chronicled 138 BLs that finish airing in 2023.

101 = watched & reviewed

2 = still in the docket (WDYEY2 & Love Syndrome III)

15 = CNF (could not find)

20 = DNF (which also accounts for how few very low scores I handed out in 2023 as opposed to previous years, I just stopped watching). Speaking of which...

Ratings spread

(# of stars. #of BLs given that rating)

0 (see the DNFs instead)

2 - IT'S DEPRESSING they killed the gay, save yourself

7 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM WATCHING AND NEITHER DOES IT

7 - FATALLY FLAWED but still basically BL, however… do we want to support this kind of behavior?

9 - WATCH IF YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO but don’t expect much, it’s a total hot mess

17 - WORTH WATCHING BUT FLAWED probably around the ending or in narrative structure/cohesion or censorship

14 - RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS i.e. isn’t quite BL, convoluted, not strictly HEA, too short/long, or chemistry issues

30 - RECOMMENDED some concerns around tropes (like dub con) or story structure but still satisfies as BL

13 - ABSOLUTELY RECOMMENDED probably a few pacing issues or one flaw

2 - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED faithful to tropes, happy ending, good chemistry, few flaws, high rewatch potential

(source)

[ih8simps]

Slightly unhinged/ yandere Gojo (x reader)

“Nanami”

“No”

“Na-Na-Mi” you cooed.

“Again, no” he sighed exasperatedly.

It had been exactly 20 minutes since you began following the sorcerer from Jujutsu tech and you were already giving the senior teacher a head ache.

“Oh come on. What would be so bad about having lunch with me?” You contorted your face into the visage of a pout. Since childhood, this had been the face that broke Nanami’s resolve every time. His eyes danced across your face for a moment, and it almost seemed like he was going to crack.

“No”

“But-“

“Just listen. I can’t. I don’t want to have to argue with him again. He’s just as annoying as you are”

Your face fell. He was always the wedge between you and anything you wanted.

“He doesn’t have a say in who I get to hang out with. Nanami you used to be my-“ the onset of your tantrum was stopped by a warm hand engulfing your arm. His grip on you was sudden yet firm.

“Who doesn’t have a say?” His voice was smooth like velvet and the soft hum of his voice sent a chill down your spine.

“And Nanami was what to you, again?” The grip on your arm tightened with every syllable that fell from his lips. You couldn’t form a tangible thought in his presence. His sudden intrusion left you feeling suddenly very unsafe. When did he get here? How did you not sense his presence?

The intel you received a few days ago said that Satoru Gojo would be far from jujutsu tech. He was supposed to be so far away that he shouldn’t even be able to sense you. How was he here? Did he ever really leave? Why did the informant lie?

Hearing Nanami’s deep sigh pulled you from your thoughts.

“I’m leaving. See you around, (y/n)”. The moment he turned on his heel to leave, your heart began to sputter. Panic began to rise in your bosom. You couldn’t be left alone with Gojo, not even in public.

“Na-nanami. Wait. Please”. The slight pitch to your voice must have coaxed him. He let out another exasperated sigh. It seemed that he was thinking deeply about something. He slowly turned back around to see you pulled closely to Gojo.

“You know. It would be nice to have a meal with you both.” he made sure to loudly enunciate the last word. Both.

If anyone knew of the possessive and obsessive nature of Gojo, it was Nanami. Since childhood he had noticed the way Satoru interacted with you. His gaze was always fixed on you a little too long and his hand always found some way to keep a hold onto you. It was no secret that Gojo had been unparalleled in his all consuming obsession with you.

Nanami was there the day young Satoru Gojo proclaimed to all of the students, although there were so few, that anyone who was dumb enough to get too close to you would have to get through him first. That day was the last real day of your individual freedom.

As the strongest son born into the family, it was clear that Satoru was going to be the next head of his clan. He never truly flaunted his status or threw around his influence. The day he proclaimed you as his, he was simply voicing what he considered to be obvious.

It didn’t seem that his message had the impact he intended because 2 weeks after his announcement, he saw you gallivanting around Tokyo with a new beau. Satoru didn’t even register what the boy looked like before he ripped you away from him. He said nothing as he dragged you away from him. The iron grip he had on your arm felt like he was truly trying to crush you.

Some part of you believed that was the day Satoru truly had lost his mind when it came to you. A week after that you realized that your family had been acting strange. Your father had more meetings than ever before and your mother seemed to be lost in deep thought at all hours of the day. The unspoken issue in your home came to a fever pitch when your parents finally broke the news. The Gojo clan had requested something from your family that only they could supply.

“Satoru wants you” your mother whispered, tightly grasping your hand. “H-he has threatened taking rash action if we decline” she continued, not even allowing you a moment to question her words.

“I’ve been meeting with the clan every day and it seems that he wants nothing else. There is no way to keep you from doing this, (y/n)” your father’s voice came out low and shaky. You realized you’d never seen him look so defeated. “I offered them many things, but they cannot decline a request from the next head of the family. He’s offered not only to take care of you, but the rest of our family as well. The only thing he wants in return is you. He’s quite adamant” he mumbled shaking his head in what looked like disbelief.

Time seemed to freeze as you took in his words. You’d been practically sold off to Satoru. You knew he had a powerful position, but you didn’t know he could just get his way like this. Every part of your body shivered in anger and disgust. He was like a plague or a natural disaster. He swept through a place and destroyed everything in its path.

Life was never the same after that. All of your things were moved to the Gojo compound and you began your life as Satoru’s ‘special guest’.

11 years later and you were still under his constant watch. There were days and moments when you felt like you were truly alone but those moments were short lived. The longest you had gone without being under those all seeing eyes was three months. Those were three of the most comfortable months of your life, but today because you were summoned by the higher ups, that comfort was surely over.

“(Y/n) can’t go to any meals with you today actually” if you didn’t know him, you’d think his tone was calm but that was quite the contrary. Satoru was seething. You’d been missing from his sight for three full months. He’d want everything from you now, including an explanation.

You carefully turned your gaze to his. “But Gojo I-“

A look of pure rage swept past his opalescent eyes and you knew instantly that you’d made a mistake. You were never supposed to call him that. It took him years to break you out of that habit and in only three months you were back to square one.

“We’ll have to take a rain check” he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, “we have things to discuss”.

[filurig]

Insane guy popped up in my mind (more info below). going to make more friends of them later...

tussilago is a member of a group of basilisks who call themselves "the flowers", an artist collective of sorts, who took a particular interest in intra-species artistic collaboration, currently in talks with a human artistic collective in stockholm. a big fan of the emerging expressionist movement (which hasn't really been coined as a term yet), tussilago values personal and individual expression in art highly, often combining it with the "shapeform" movement in basilisk culture, an artistic movement investigating how different forms interact with different art forms. their favourite artistic means is through fabric, but gained an interest in painting as well after trying it with humans.

tussilago is... a bit unhinged. they talk before they think, but don't like coming off that way - often ending up saying out of pocket things only to further elaborate into infinity about why they said it and how it truly touched upon something profound underneath the initial outrageous impression it gave off. despite their impulsive nature he does enjoy to ponder esoteric things and can get very philosophical, and isn't actually unintelligent - just a bit... socially impaired!

[dandytron2000]

My Little Dungeon AU pony magic explained

The three types of pony magic; unicorn, earth pony and pegasi are fundamentally the same, the only difference is how it's cast.

All pony magic comes from something known as candy dust. It's a subclass of mana, which comes from the breaches between the physical and the magical world. Ponies themselves are creatures originally from the magic world that migrated to the physical world so long ago nobody remembers how or why it happened. Candy dust is an especially potent type of mana that can only be safely used by magic world natives. Some ponies are also able to make limited contact with other creatures from their native dimension, enhancing their magic further.

Unicorn magic: Name of Control

Unicorns use raw star dust without any aid from spirits by cultivating their pure magic roots. It takes an iron will and a strong character with maybe a bit of narcissism to become a powerful caster as a unicorn. It is very dangerous to create new spells, one wrong step may result in a disaster. Majority of unicorns learn their magic through experience of others as to avoid dealing with the risks of candy dust blowing up in their face.

Twilight is a bit of a nutjob when it comes to magic so after she learned every spell she was interested in from the books, she disregarded all warnings and started creating her own spells. She did succeed, creating numerous new, powerful spells and earning herself the title of a warrior princess, but she did pay the price. The unsuccessful attempts left permanent scars, most noticeable being the star mark on her face and the wing-like mark on her back.

Rarity also uses Control, though in a significantly different way from unicorns. She uses the vibration of impact instead of raw will to manipulate candy dust, mainly by tapping her hoof in certain rhythmic patterns. It becomes much stronger when done in water.

Earth pony magic: Name of Cooperation

Cooperation is arguably the most versatile out of the three types. Unlike Control and Cohabitation that have very strict limits put on them unless you're fucking unhinged and are willing to risk your life, Cooperation is only limited by how much work you are willing to put into mastering it. Name of Cooperation is all about working together. It is usually cast through song, the more powerful spells requiring a chorus of sometimes dozens of ponies.

It takes a pony to be completely in tune with nature, their peers and the world at large, as well as deep compassion for others and high empathy to become a great mage as an earth pony. Having a good ear for music also helps, but chanting is just as effective as singing for most spells.

It is also quite common for earth ponies to work with creatures from the magic world. It's quite rare, but some families, including the Apple family, have guardian spirits they believe to be their ancestors. They hold yearly festivals to honor the spirits with song for the magic and food for the friends. It's unclear if there is any real correlation or not, but ponies from families that honor their spirits tend to be more powerful mages than their peers.

Pegasi magic: Name of Cohabitation

Pegasi are able to concenrate large amounts of candy dust within their bodies, which makes them quite close in nature to a pure magic creature which gives them the ability of flight, to walk on water and clouds as well as almost effortless control over some phenomena. Pegasi essentially are part spirits because of this. It takes a relaxed, open-minded, and free individual to become a truly powerful pegasi. Because of their more closely aligned nature, pegasi are able to sense spirits more clearly. All ponies have some sort of feel for spirits, but it's more of that they'll feel off if there aren't any spirits around, while pegasi can sense them as if they were present on the same physical plain as ponies, they are even able to tell what type of spirit and how strong it is. Some can communicate with the spirits and even make deals and contracts, further enhancing their magic potential.

Fluttershy is a great example of a pegasi that made a deal with a spirit. She, much like most of her family for many generations had made a pact with a powerful wolf-like spirit from the everfree forest. It increased her every physical characteristic and gave her strong healing magic, but the wolf spirit's power also permanently changed her appearance and made her a carnivore.

Her younger brother Zephyr also has a pact with a wolf, though instead of healing magic he had received clairvoyance, and her older brother Angel had made a pact with a killer rabbit, which is a strange choice for an animal sprit in the Shy werewolf family but it seems to be working out for him just fine.

Chaos magic

A rare form of magic, also called Name of Null, it uses very potent and unstable mana that comes from the world above the equestrian dungeon. It is largely absent below the middle point of the sky dome and peaks of the northern mountains, but ponies that once used this potent mana seem to never be able to get rid of it even if they go far away from the source. It gets stuck in their hair, in their fur and even in their mind like a whole lot of invisible magic glitter.

It's difficult to classify the way chaos magic is cast into specific types, however it can be similar to a combination of some aspects from multiple Names ponies use.

Pinkie pie concentrates a lot of Null mana which gives her the supernatural senses she is known for, and uses strange verbal magic practiced only by the witches of the Pie family.

Rainbow Dash accumulates mana just like any pegasus would, but because of the limited exposure to Null mana, some of it got mixed into her candy dust. While it's not a lot, taking up less than 20% of her total mana she is able to use it very effectively by controlling the chaos magic the same way a unicorn would. This allows her to do tricks physically impossible for a regular pegasus!

Discord, on the other hand, is a unique case. He has never used any of the Names ponies use, so he developed a unique style of chaos magic. Anything he thinks of could just, conjure itself into reality at any moment. He has no control over what comes to be and what doesn't, the only thing he seems to have any control over is the colors and patterns of his body. Though, many changes seem to be involuntary and dependant on his emotions. His mother says he should make a pact with a greater spirit to gain control over his power, but he adamantly refuses to do so as spirits scare him and he doesn't want them to touch him.

[primrosebow]

HEYY!!! i love your art soo much!!! Your post abt the hazbin hotel women 🩷🩷 its so GOODD!! As Vaggies #1 fan i love how you wrote for her and drew her! I love how you added little details like the night dress(id fuck her in her night dress too she looks so cute:3) but i was wondering if you could maybe do some rosie x reader nfsw🙏 PLSS she barely gets any love and your writing(and art but yoy dont have to draw her if you dont want tooo) is so good!! Anyways could i maybe be 🎀 annon? i hope you have a good day!!! Bye

Hey I'm back from trying to find out how to be a good artist

I did not figure it out 🗣📢📢📢💥💥 also we're on strike.

❣️_-->Rosie x reader

//

!Content warnings!: nsfw, rosie being rosie (she bites you fr), uhhhhhhhh the usual??? I still don't know how to do content warnings, gender neutral reader because I didn't specify anything, good luck reading my handwriting (every day it becomes less readable and becomes more like a doctor's. I am transforming. I am becoming the doctor.)

Guys if I don't buy the skulls on a string I'm going to die. I need to buy it.

//

//

One may be surprised to find that in my opinion she doesn't hold any regards to who is "topping" or not- little of that matters to her. What really matters is how close you both are- she is all about the intimacy when it comes to this. Talkative all the way through, she will be affectionate with the sweetest words she can offer you. She uh... really doesn't make much of an effort to be understood by you if you are unfamiliar with the 'slang' she tends to use- you can ask about it later, after she is done with you.

Another thing she does, something much more predictable: is that she tends to bite you. There are no intentions of hurting you when she leans into your body and digs her teeth into your skin, it goes without saying that you will of course bleed, and, afterwards she earnestly and truthfully showers you in apologies for harming you! it's just.. your taste is truly intoxicating to her- you need to understand! She has said it herself in the unfiltered delirious state you both get to: she'd most definetly eat you, you tasting so perfect the way you do- if she wouldn't miss you so much if she did. Your company brightens her days, makes every little moment worth it, she wouldn't be capable of existing in a world without you now; sometimes she wonders how she made it so far without you to begin with.

Any compliments you may give her are met with shy looks to the side and comments for you to "oh stop it- you're much too sweet..", being truly invitations to get you to do it further.

//

Stupid little edit I made of her with the creative liberties I took :-]

@bigfatbimbo as usual

Somehow despite typing with numbers between my words to shorten everything I still manage to not sound completly unhinged and like a severely brainrot infected individual

Moral of the story is: delete tiktok

[uhgood-girl]

why jikook?

i've been asking myself this a lot recently bc well, why them? why not tkook? or ynmin? hell, jihope even, they're underrated as hell honestly, have you seen that hot tub video? hobi was ready to unhinge his jaw to swallow jimin whole (and who (jk) could blame him.)

but jikook, in a not joking way, hits different. they always have. it's been years at this point that i've been deep in this rabbit hole (within the larger bts rabbit hole, my god, how deep does it go) but i don't recall making the conscious decision to fall in.

maybe a little background?

i'm a fake love army. actually, if we're getting technical, i'm an outro tear army bc it was in the comments of the freshly released fake love music video that i saw someone recommend outro tear if i enjoyed fake love and then it was over for me. extremely not fake love at first listen, who's voice is second on this track? i NEED to know. i'm a yoongi/rapline bias to this day. fake love still fucks though, don't get me wrong, it's a never skip for me.

for that first year and then some, i consumed backlogged content like it was my day job. i am a prone to hyper-fixations hermit, basically, who was going to stop me? my therapist? nah, she picks her battles.

i watched everything i could get my grubby little hands on like someone would be testing me on it later. (shoutout qdeoks, you were so real) i didn't open stan twitter for the first time till probably the end of 2018, really just in time to be slapped in the face full force with the shitshow that was a hate campaign against these boys i was deeply invested in by then, the likes of which i had never experienced in an online space up to that point. it was a truly, truly wild era, don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

all that to say, i've been here for a hot minute and i developed my own first impressions on bts and the members as individuals in a vacuum. no one had to point jikook out to me, they stuck out on their own.

potentially relevant disclaimer before we continue: i am really really queer. i grew up in the united states conservative deep south and had to change high schools my sophomore year bc i was outed and then violently ostracized for being in a relationship with my same sex best friend at the time. it is safe to say i have a lot of feelings about and experience even when it comes to having to be low key (understatement lol) about who you love. i am not here just to make my barbies kiss.

actually, on that note, jikook wouldnt even be my chosen barbies out of bts. if we're in true fantasy delulu hours here, i would want yoonjin to be real. god, that would be the stuff, they're so old married as it is. peak romance.

i think the first place jikook ever truly caught my attention were the memories dvds. jimin has always been a sweet, bby angel taking care of all his members but i remember thinking that he seemed to pay a little extra, special attention to jungkook. and of course, why not, jk's the maknae after all. all of them have always been doting on him and deservedly so. but in those briefly shown really serious, quiet moments, jimin was often first in line. a spot very easy for him to obtain tbh as jk never seemed to be very far from him anyway. maybe if you've never in real time lived the satellite jeon accusations (hi pandemic army, bless you, i hope you make it to 2025 when we have them all back without restrictions) you might find them easier to dismiss but it was so consistent back then in all of the content being released. and once noticed, i don't know how anyone ever un-notices it. but i was in deep before i even realized the water was boiling.

should i talk about why not tkook? or ynmin, for me? i'm just pulling those as examples bc i know they're the popular contenders here but all joking in the beginning of this post aside, none of the other members interpersonal relationships, in any configuration (sadly, RIP yoonjin romance), have ever struck me as anything other than puppy crush/deep friendship/family. and that's not bc i don't think over half of those men aren't queer in some form or fashion because WHEW, that is an entirely different post and we simply do not have the time to unpack rn but it's not for lack of looking.

i started in a vacuum, but i have by no means stayed there, i walked in all of those front doors and sat down and said "convince me." i've got the time and lack of life, i am ready to be won over. what have i missed?

to this day i still regularly try and check my own confirmation bias, i'm obviously looking for jikook at this stage but i'm still ready on my toes if any of the others want to get crazy. (yoonjin i am rooting for you, we're all rooting for you)

and i'm not here to really persuade or sway anyone one way or another either. there are a 1000 other blogs on this site that can probably offer you better explanations, specific clips, and detailed break downs of moments throughout the years and even then people are going to see what they want to see. i just wanted to write some of my own thoughts down finally.

though...i guess if i had to point to any one single piece of "evidence" it would definitely be tried and true gcf tokyo? but if watching that the first time didn't ring through you like a gunshot, i def don't think there's anything i could say beyond that.

honestly, i think so much of "why jikook" for me boils down to the pit in the bottom of my stomach that i used to get when i first began to notice them. when i got past the initial warm fuzzies inspired by the sincerity of their interactions, my immediate second emotion was concern.

i remember the first time i heard some of the other boys make an offhand joke about them being a couple and i got anxious, fast. i thought hide, hide better, please be safe. i began to pay extra attention to the other members in general too when jikook would do things and felt like i could sometimes see a similar anxiety to my own in their expressions. for a long time, i just worried about them and where i saw other people rejoice in their more obvious moments, i was slow to celebrate.

despite my initial hesitation, it's now been about 5 years since the first time they ever made me double take. they're a few years younger than me but i feel like we've been growing up together. (parasocial? idk her.) they're less conspicuous these days, and for lots of obvious reasons, but i feel like overall, their confidence in themselves and each other is quite high. i know that's probably a funny thing to say in light of this last week especially, but i stand by it. i've seen this song and dance before. i have managed my own expectations in the past, taken full steps back only to be beaten anew over the head so many times with enough "coincidences" i felt borderline foolish to try and deny anything. jikook are truly some sort of neuro-spicy pattern recognition drug, i swear.

and i've never really gotten to talk about any of this with anyone before! i'm shy irl, and shy online apparently bc i have just been lurking around the outer lines of this circle this whole time like some creepy creep but i've decided i'm over it. fuck it. growth.gif. idk that i have anything important or new to contribute to the conversation but my god, no one else seems to let that stop them so i might as well take my turn on the soapbox, no?

so 📢 JIKOOK REAL (?) jikook sus. jikook make bandaged queer little heart go boom boom.

[littlefeltsparrow]

Please explain to me why the Inner Circle seems to think Nesta is some kind of feral mongoose.

They straight up act as if Nesta is 3 seconds away from killing them all. Aren’t you supposed to be a group of the most powerful individuals in Prythian? For a group of 500+ fairy warriors they sure act like cowering wimps when it comes to Nesta. Oh? You’re the most powerful high lord of all time and yet a depressed 25 year old who’s kinda bitchy threatens you? On what planet does Nesta pose a threat to the oh-so-noble inner circle?

You would see the way they react to Nesta and think she was some crazed annihilator who is habitually violent and unhinged and yet we’re never shown what led to this conclusion. If anything, they’re the ones who growl, hiss and intimidate her (looking at you Rhysand) when they so clearly are in a position of power over her. But if Nesta is even slightly angry at the way they treat her, they act as if Nesta just ordered a bomb threat.

Feyre even snapped at Rhysand after he made a jab at Nesta, telling him to not talk about her sister like she’s a feral animal. So that gives us some insight into how she’s viewed by the people around her and how she’s viewed by her sisters (who truly know her). Rhysand’s comments about Nesta manifest in the Inner Circle’s body language and implicit behaviours as well. During the intervention, Nesta strongly objects to being sent to the house of wind and they actually try to shield Feyre from her, anticipating that Nesta might attack her.

It’s enough to make you burst out laughing because, Nesta? NESTA?! You think Nesta is the type of person to lunge at her sister and attempt to physically harm her? That has NEVER been who Nesta is and it’s foolish to even think that it is. Even when the IC intentionally provokes her, Nesta never resorts to physical violence. Even when they are taking away her autonomy, she might’ve gotten angry, but she’s never demonstrated any kind outwardly aggressive behaviour. She’s not the one making threats, THEY ARE.

The most egregious detail of all is that the characters and the narrative act as though Nesta being a bitch is on par with the Inner Circle literally imprisoning her and coercing her into doing tasks for them. Not only do they exploit her, but they treat her terribly while doing so. Cassian will bully her, disregard her boundaries, force her to train, humiliate her and treat her callously and yet I’m supposed to think they’re equally bad to each other.

The worst Nesta can do is be mean to Cassian, the worst he can do is imprison her and control every aspect of her life.

[dropouttvpollbrackets]

Most Unhinged Dropout Cast Member Poll Bracket - Round 3!!!

Alright, that's all for round 2, so it's time to move into our quarterfinals! At this point we are down to 8 truly batshit individuals. Still in the running, we have chaotic spouses, Brennan Lee Mulligan and Izzy Roland; absolute masters of both straight-facedness and total madness, Vic Michaelis and Katie Marovitch; DnD players who live to baffle Brennan, Emily Axford and Erika Ishii; and a showdown between both halves of the nightmare fuel that was Total Forgiveness, Grant O'Brien and Ally Beardsley.

But before we move onto this round, some factoids about Round 2:

The poll with the most votes in round 2 was Emily Axford vs. Lou Wilson, with 1273 votes

The contestant who received the most votes was Grant O'Brien, with approximately 913 votes

The most contentious poll was Emily Axford (53%) vs Lou Wilson (47%)

The most unanimous poll was Erika Ishii (93%) vs Raph Chestang (7%)

The winners of this round received, on average, 76% of the votes in their polls

I'm gonna be honest, this is the first round where I'm genuinely stumped on how I'm gonna vote on some of these, so I thought I'd share with you a question I've found myself asking a lot as I think about how to vote, which is: is unhinged behavior a choice for this person, or is it as natural to them (and difficult to stop) as breathing? Follow-up question: Are they always aware when they're being unhinged, or do they regularly do things that would boggle the average mind as though it was the only reasonable thing to do? Just some food for thought. As ever, vote based on whatever criteria happen to float your boat!

Now, let round 3 commence!

[smallnico]

can you tell esper is uhhhhh. ill?

got tagged by @beecreeper for the character insp meme! (check out his here!!) this was a lot of fun, there are a couple of honourable mentions i'll get into under the cut, along with some elaborations for the curious.

list of names, L > R 1: harrowhark nonagesimus -- the locked tomb saga 2: isaac -- castlevania (netflix series) 3: cole -- dragon age: inquisition 4: blackbeard -- our flag means death 5: (bingo free space) 6: seven of nine -- star trek: voyager 7: katya zamolodchikova -- real life / unnnhhhh 8: paul muad-dib atreides -- dune 9: maomao -- the apothecary diaries

1: harrowhark nonagesimus -- the locked tomb saga

if you've read the locked tomb, this one's pretty self-explanatory. but i took a lot of inspiration from harrow's grief-sodden religious zealotry for esper's pre-tadpole self, and i think about harrow the ninth every time i write from esper's perspective during the events of the game. it's the amnesiac goblin madness for me. esper would also absolutely put their bone marrow into a soup to kill someone if that was something they could do. they're extra like that

2: isaac -- castlevania (netflix series)

i just fucking love isaac, man. he's such a fascinating character, taken from a place of pain and degradation into the service of a mad god-figure hellbent on destroying humanity, then banished and forced to just. figure out for himself what he wants to do with his life. and it turns out that what he wants to do is relate to the hellbeasts he raises to use as soldiers, and let them try to eat strawberries and live in houses for a change, take a chance at living as something other than vessels of violence. i love him. that's really all esper wants, too -- to find a peaceful existence after a lifetime of pain and brutality and monsterhood.

3: cole -- dragon age: inquisition

cole is such a vibe. he lives in the attic staring unsettlingly at people and reading their minds and exhuming their pain so he can help them with it, including with his knives. he has that unearthly creepy vibe that esper projects, as well as their tendency to poke around in people's private emotions and their slight uncanny distance from human morality and ethics. making cole more human also ends up around the same for esper -- cole is never quite all the way there, but happy to be truly Among the people whose souls he reads and finally able to experience those things for himself.

4: blackbeard -- our flag means death

apart from the leather and queerness and propensity for violence, blackbeard was also a big influence for esper's journey from "yeah, this violence thing is fun for me, besides it's not like i can Leave this life, i'm stuck here so i might as well enjoy it" to "actually even though it's fun it's also exhausting and all i really want is peace. maybe even a monster like me can love and find a community that loves me."

6: seven of nine -- star trek: voyager

god, where to start? "i was a child who was raised to be perfect, my humanity and individuality were completely overridden and my very body was used as an object for unimaginable violence, and now even though i don't know how to be a Person anymore, i'm cut off from everything i've ever known and i don't know what to do." and now, like seven, esper is just trying their best to build a personality out of the leftover scraps they have with the help of their crew of misfits and weirdos. also, perpetrator trauma -- like seven, esper doesn't feel Guilty about their past actions, but it does haunt them, and they don't really know what to do with it. also, i didn't mean for the two images of esper and seven here to make them look exactly the same, but hey.

7: katya zamolodchikova -- real life / unnnhhhh

this one's more of a bit. i watch unnnhhhh with my wife a lot, and every now and again katya will just say something that makes us both go "that's esper-coded". she has that slightly imperfect balance of genuine darkness and unhinged silliness that esper also teeter-totters between, which results in a specific kind of charisma that you kind of have to see to understand.

8: paul muad-dib atreides -- dune

esper's pre-durge and pre-tadpole backstory draws a fair bit of inspiration from paul's narrative arc lmao. he starts out life as a male heir to a bloodline of female psychic specialists, trains with them, and ends up sacrificing his humanity to fulfil a violent divine path pre-ordained for him. real evil messiah hours. esper has way fewer qualms about killing from the start, and the match isn't perfect, but this is an inspiration, not a stencil.

9: maomao -- the apothecary diaries

another weird one, but probably the most purposeful inspiration on the board here. when i was first playing as esper and trying to sort out their personality, i was also watching apothecary diaries, and maomao's feline predilections and sense of mischief and flawless composure and cunning without ambition had me completely enraptured, so i thought, what the hell. she also shares some backstory elements with esper as the [spoilers] bastard daughter of a disgraced but extremely talented courtesan and a creepy war tactician. like esper, maomao just wants to keep her head down and make enough money to fund her special interests. they also both drink poison for fun (at least, esper does pre-tadpole). i think the main thing they diverge on is that esper thinks poison is for basic bitches.

honourable mentions

jimmy "pickles" hoffa -- jimmyhoffathecat

just look at him. that's an esper. photo credit here

tilly -- my parents' house

pretty self-explanatory for any cat owners out there. esper acts like a cat in general, but they specifically act like this cat. she's so influential and talented and perfect.

towa "murase" -- slow damage

this one is an honourable mention instead of being on the board because i didn't meet towa slowdamage until like 3 weeks ago (well after esper was already realized), but the two of them have so many specific things in common it's actually ridiculous. convergent evolution at its finest.

fenris -- dragon age 2

esper and fenris have very little in common story- or personality-wise, but i can't deny that he was a huge visual influence, especially for pre-tadpole esper. i mean, come on. look at him.

yelena belova -- black widow, hawkeye

i'm not much of an mcu person, but the concept of the black widows in general did influence a lot of esper's pre-durge backstory, and i like yelena. she's like a more charismatic and more down-for-murder natasha. she's not a specific inspiration for esper as a character, but they do have a rhyming vibe.

selcis aureus, umbras heltor -- exodusbound

hello, it's fantrolls! i disqualified selcis and umbras from the inspboard because they're literally other ocs i had a hand in creating, and a lot of the things they have in common with esper aren't public, but they both did (and exodusbound did in general) have a lot of influence on esper as a character. i can't help that i like themes of alienation and life persevering in spite of it all in my characters. art shown here by my wife barbelzoa!

espurr -- pokemon

literally a pokemon, not a character. special place in my heart though because i literally named esper after this thang when i first made them in the character creator. they just had the same dead eyed stare and psychic magic, so i went, yeah, that'll do.

thank you so much for reading this much if you did!!!!!

[hyperlexichypatia]

Please explain the relationship between HIPAA and second wave feminists being ok with calling adults girl

Okay, but you must understand that this is truly my most unhingéd, crack-est opinion that I would generally reserve for High Rambling. If I were a vlogger, I would be saying it in my car. I do not have "evidence" or "logic" or "a coherent argument." You cannot hold this against my actual thoughtful arguments that I promise I also have, because this is not one. But. Okay. If you still want to read my unhingéd crack. Here goes.

So, for most of the 20th century, it was colloquially common to call adult women "girls," and this was part of a pattern of women being infantilized and treated as children, and a big part of second-wave feminism in the 1970s was pushing back on that infantilization, including insisting that adult women be called "women" instead of "girls." Right? Right. But then by the 1990s/2000s, many of those same feminists were openly calling women "girls" and using infantilizing language (like dismissing women voters as "girls trying to impress boys"). What changed?

Now obviously the most obvious explanation, and undoubtedly biggest factor, in this shift is just the passage of time and ageing. The older people get, in general, the more they tend to infantalize younger people. Somebody in their 20s in the '70s would be in their 50s by the '00s. They might have grown children of their own. This is the logical explanation. Okay.

But also...

Until the 1990s, the status of patients' rights to medical privacy, autonomy, and decision-making in general was, well, abysmal. A lot of people who grew up in the post-HIPAA era don't realize the extent of it -- they think the laws around medical privacy were just codification of what was already an established cultural and ethical norm. And of course it was worse for women, people of color, disabled people, poor people, queer people, etc, but honestly, even for a straight white abled middle-class man, it wasn't that great. Doctors would tell patients' families a patient's diagnosis and tell them to lie to the patient about it! Doctors would go around in public talking about Mrs. Smith's gallstones! There were some ethical guidelines around privacy, but patients had no real recourse to enforce them.

'70s feminists somewhat supported medical freedom and privacy as part of women's rights -- like, they opposed the common practice of doctors bringing a woman in for a biopsy and just scooping out some organs while you're in there -- but they also weren't especially pro-privacy or pro-autonomy in general, and were generally sex-negative, transphobic, etc. We know this.

When patients' right to privacy became legally codified (HIPAA being the most prominent example), privacy rights were primarily defined based on age. Thus why "parents rights" advocates were outraged! That minors could have privacy rights for reproductive healthcare (but depending on the state, not for any other kind of healthcare!). See, prior to that time, "adulthood" as a status didn't necessarily confer a medical right to privacy.

(I'm actually working on writing something longer with actual thought and evidence and logic about the social construction of the "age of majority" and how it's not necessarily meaningful to talk about different times/contexts having a "higher" or "lower" age of majority without unpacking what that meant at that time... but this is not that. This is unhinged crack.)

And... around that time... you just... quietly... heard less and less about "Don't call adult women 'girls'" and more about "Influences on Our Girls."

So I guess the actual grain of theory behind my rambling, if directly stated, would be: As "adulthood" became ontologically defined as conferring an individual right to medical privacy, the authoritarian wings of the feminist movement quietly rescinded the claim that women are "adults."

I guess I could've framed this around Lawrence v Texas and sexual autonomy rather than medical privacy, but I happened to be thinking about HIPAA at the time.

Anyway, bet you're sorry you asked, huh?

[nutal]

If you were to write a Sinner Adam arc for the show, how would it go? Would he go immediately to the Hotel, or perhaps his pride keeps him from doing so? Would he eventually find redemption, or perhaps find more fulfilling purpose in Hell?

Oh god, I honestly have several ideas with regards to how this could go. But, I do definitely think he��d be having a mental/existential breakdown right off the bat. ALSO THIS POST IS GONNA BE HELLA LONG SOO…

First off this man went his whole LIFE conducting and participating in mass killings of sinners because of what they are… only to find he’s become one himself. Like I think that whole concept in general would be very interesting to explore, especially since Adam is typically a guy who is very overconfident and egotistical on the outside… and then this just pushes him to his breaking point, letting it all spill and becoming a shell of himself for a while. That’s until his rage flares again and he just starts losing it.

As for the Hotel, he’d adamantly refuse help. Just lashing out, getting violent, etc. Then one day, he’s practically dragged in/and or he’s just at the bottom of the barrel and has absolutely no choice anymore. As things proceed, maybe with some individuals trying to fight for his soul (potentially the Vee’s, which, oh fuck, this route could get really really dark, and quick), but as I was saying, I’d want Lute to come in as quick as possible, maybe when she’s waging war against hell, assuming Adam is dead, and when she’s out there killing, she stops in her tracks at the feet of a CERTAIN sinner.

From there it’s just such a total heartwarming scene, w/ Adam thinking she’s gonna murder him right off the bat, but instead she just tackle hugs him and holds him there for god knows who long. And argh, I’d kill to see this, and they’re both just trying to fight tears but they’re with each other again and… MAN!

Lute would probably be super pissed at the hotel and everyone else who is trying to ‘help’ and or ‘take control’ of Adam, she’d become a killing machine, just UNHINGED, though at one point or another, she’s forced to realize the Hotel is the only option. Lute isn’t typically one to change her beliefs but after seeing what happened to Pentious, she has to, for Adam’s sake.

So while Adam is going through lots of hard emotions and thoughts, so is Lute, questioning everything she’s ever known. The fact that she’s in love with a fucking sinner, but she convinces herself that it’s a mistake, Hell made a mistake, as always. And that to her, Adam will never truly be a sinner, never.

Eventually, I’d both want Adam to be redeemed somehow, coming back with a definite diff outlook on shit that he’s not sure if he can still process.

That’s all I got haha I could prob think of more but this post would get very long.