#kate elizabeth russell

[vanesawye]

my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell // may december (2023)

[blixabargelds]

“This, I think, is the cost of telling, even in the guise of fiction. Once you do, it’s the only thing about you anyone will ever care about. It defines you whether you want it to or not."

My Dark Vanessa, Kate Elizabeth Russell Succession (2018-2023)

[drowningin-fantasies]

perpetually thinking of this

[esotericswiftie]

there’s something deeply personal to me about suki waterhouse reading my dark vanessa in 2023

[emiliosandozsequence]

the incest diary, anonymous / my dark vanessa, kate elizabeth russell / the secret diary of laura palmer, jennifer lynch / twin peaks: fire walk with me (1992) dir. david lynch

[vesselofgrief]

the sacrificial lamb

my dark vanessa, none, rollercoasterwords, pale fire, anguish, mdv, mdv, agnus dei, layana clouet

[opaline-gemme]

Kate Elizabeth Russell

[girl-interrupted111]

‘I’m special. I’m special. I’m special’ - My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. 

[the-recovery-diaries]

"It might seem small to you,” she says. “But it was enough to wreck me."

My Dark Vanessa, Kate Elizabeth Russell 

[morallygraygf]

kate elizabeth russell, my dark vanessa // phoebe bridgers, motion sickness

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i really love the ending (not spoiling) of my dark vanessa and vanessa’s characterization overall. i love how in terms of trauma, she’s very typical of someone who’s become their own worst enemy in the process of rationalizing their pain and has become “difficult” to be around, and there’s a point where people can’t stand to be around her because she is aware of the issue but feels incapable of processing everything. where people feel for her, but at a certain point give up on trying to help her when she’s crying out for it because as soon as they do, she back tracks and resorts to insults and deflection and dumping her trauma onto others but wanting no real solution, and no reaction is good enough for her because not even she knows what she wants from others, or what to feel. it’s this endless cycle of self destruction and deprecation until she realizes she can’t go on living that way when it couldn’t even serve the person benefiting the most from it all.

[drowningin-fantasies]

kate on labeling mdv as coquette

[esotericswiftie]

1. illicit affairs, taylor swift / 2. [you fit into me], margaret atwood / 3. alone together (2012), maria kreyn / 4. bag of bones, mitski / 5. love poems, anne sexton / 6, 11. my dark vanessa, kate elizabeth russell / 7. save me, aimee mann / 8. @mountainqoats (going to scotland, the mountain goats + two girls (lovers) (1911), egon schiele) / 9. when the party’s over, billie eilish / 10. cardigan, taylor swift / 12. your love is killing me, sharon van etten / 13. romeo and juliet (1968), dir. franco zeffirelli / 14. letters to milena, franz kafka / 15. the unabridged journals of sylvia plath, sylvia plath

imagine this: love as self-destruction.

is emotional self-harm a thing? because sometimes that’s what i think i was doing when it all went down.

at the time, i was so depressed, so full of self-loathing. i didn’t want to die, not quite, but i wanted to self-destruct.

i knew doing that shit with him was gonna traumatize me, but i didn’t care. i not only didn’t care, i actively craved it. i WANTED it to hurt me. i WANTED to be ruined.

i knew exactly how much it was gonna leave me bleeding, tear me apart, turn the knife inside me, etc…i knew and yet i did it anyways.

the truth is, i wasn’t stupid. i wasn’t even naïve. i just hated myself.

sometimes i really do wonder if that’s any better. i don’t think it is.

[emiliosandozsequence]

the incest diary, anonymous / flowers in the attic: the origin (2022) cr. declan o'dwyer & robin sheppard / the woman destroyed, simone de beauvoir / my dark vanessa, kate elizabeth russell

[vesselofgrief]

[andley]

Zdaję sobie sprawę, jak łatwo suma moich dziwnych zachowań doprowadziłaby do określonej diagnozy. Niejedną noc spędziłam na czytaniu, odhaczając w głowie kolejne symptomy, lecz odczuwam osobliwe rozczarowanie na myśl, że całe moje wnętrze można określić jedną kategorią. A co potem? Leczenie, dawkowanie farmaceutyków, wyzdrowienie? Być może dla niektórych byłby to szczęśliwy koniec, lecz dla mnie istnieje tylko krawędź kanionu i woda kotłująca się niżej.

- Moja mroczna Vanesso, Kate Elizabeth Russell