#keeping a child in fear

[furiousgoldfish]

It gets scary when you are a child, and your parent tells you 'Nobody will ever love you like I do'. Because they already don't love you, you're aware that you are only barely tolerated, you're always seconds from getting yelled at or violated and humiliated. You don't feel loved.

And then what they're saying is that this is the most of love you'll ever get, that from now on, there's going to be even less love for you. You already missed out on any other form of love because this is it for you.

It makes you believe that you'll never be loved at all, that these scraps of attention mixed with aggression and pain is the best you'll ever have. That if you try to seek love outside of that, there's going to just be a whole world of nothing, empty.

It's exactly what they want you to think, but experiencing this as a child is terrifying. You already start to plan your life under the assumption that nobody will ever love you, that you're impossible to love, that even hoping for it makes you stupid. It makes you reluctant to form connections or to bond with people because you're now constantly aware and scared of the worst possible scenario, that you'll discover sooner or later that you're unlovable, that nobody truly will give you even as much attention as your abusive caretaker.

Even an adult would be broken by this. Putting a child trough this is inhumane. Your abusive parent doesn't want you to understand that what they're giving you is hatred, so they convince you that you live in a world where love for you cannot even exist.

And none of this is true, there is no difference between you and any other child, any other person who is currently loved and experiencing acceptance, safety and care. You are equally lovable as every other person on the planet, and only those who want to isolate you and drown you in despair can benefit from you believing otherwise.

[extra-somethin-somethin]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

[vigilskeep]

i need to wynnepost. somebody has to

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

“Feelings buried alive never die.”

Karol Truman

[squishdraws]

cool pose turned stupid meme not clickbait

[original quality below]

[fluffypotatey]

*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*

PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????

I have. So many Feels. About Themst™

The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????

Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.

If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.

Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.

Indifference is the true opposite of love.

Hate is love that's gone rotten.

“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK

WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)

(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)

OK OK SO

we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?

F+ father of the year :)

he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:

(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)

also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)

UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.

UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?

not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!

UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.

ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana

now, about the double edged blade…..

as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse

way #1

i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)

MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?

early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2

MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!

MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?

UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!

to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.

the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.

ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)

way #2

compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)

ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.

ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.

we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them

(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)

on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.

notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀

however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse

looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)

AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.

UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!

so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here

Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).

so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.

OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic

sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)

when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)

however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.

[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]

anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.

SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)

^worried/protective Morgana

^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers

Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).

that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.

it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.

like honestly,

look at them T^T compared to before

their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.

fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.

like fuck, man

two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood

screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite

[forestofsprites]

mutuals to sit in underwater aquarium tubes with. mutuals to wander through botantical garden butterfly exhibits with. mutuals to visit art museum sensory shows with. and such

[almalvo]

How does it feel having possibly the BEST Miguel angst art

haHAA - I dont even know if that's TRUE???

lmao idk what is going on in the deeper coves of spiderverse fandom, specifically in the Nueva region, but our son's misery-ridden miserable ass aint ignored, at least not by me haha

I know he's tortured by not being like the other girls.

So time to make him eat his pain and grow from it.

[mymarifae]

i don't want to post here today can you guys just watch aventurine bidding farewell to his past self

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

walking back here because I have more crumbs for you :3 (referring to the angsty fight between you and Childe) YOUR brain is bigger btw!

My heart.. FL is too good for this woorld imagine when he'd try to get near you, you panic and yield your weapon out of self-defense

oohh the small growls.. you're trying to calm down and take a breather, then you hear that growl like?????? is he mad at you???? tense moment because what if he'll hurt you now, but eventually realizes it's directed at Childe

please if you want to do another part go for it!! ovo (reading the tags and felt. FELT. if someone yells at me? you don't want to do that because I WILL cry. <3 Childe getting angry at us is a different level of fear tbh this man is a menace but we all love him for that)

(referring to this post) more crumbs,,,, YESSSS MORE CRUMBS!!!!

when Foul Legacy growls... oh when he growls, you're terrified. it doesn't matter that it's intended for Childe, with how tense you are and the fight still weighing heavily on your shoulders, you can only assume the growls are directed at you. immediately you stiffen, mind screaming to get away but too scared to catch Foul Legacy's attention, so instead you let out choked, panicked sobs, curling in on yourself and holding your head. Foul Legacy snaps away from growling at Childe, turning frantically and nudging his face against the side of your head, letting out desperate, high-pitched whines. when you simply shrink away and cry harder, Foul Legacy gently takes your hands, moving them out of the way so he can cradle your cheek with his claws

he encourages you through soft clicks and croons, licking away your tears as your cries fade to sniffs and hiccups and you wrap your shaking arms around him, reaching as far as they can go. you hate fighting- you hate it so much, it makes you sick and silent- all you want to do is make amends with Childe, but what if he doesn't listen to you? what if you say something wrong? what if you're really entirely at fault here? what if he's still just as angry at you- you know he feels everything so strongly

Foul Legacy simply whimpers and strokes your hair, devastated at how your breath still hitches and you cling to his lavender fluff. you look tired- so tired, like you've spent far too many hours awake- and silently he scoops you into his arms and stands, shielding your limp body from the rain outside. he'll take care of you, make these past days up to you, even if it wasn't his fault, because it matters much more to see you smile again, to see his light glow again. with his talons he'll stich your broken heart back together, piece by piece, even if it takes an eternity

Childe opens his mouth to say something, only to be met with guttural hiss- haven't you done enough harm? and he falls silent once more

[numberfiveisback]

not sure if the idea exists already but...

CC/Evan being stuck in a loop of his own birthday. Aka death day. Think Groundhog's Day!

Nobody else remembers the loop of course. Just him. And he has to find a way to end said loop despite the fact he always somehow gets nomed on or vibe checked in increasingly concerning ways.

He manages to escape the diner? He forgot to look both ways crossing the street. He gets past the street? A stray baseball knocks the life out of his body. He somehow gets home? He trips on his own feet and hits his head against a table.

At one point Mike jumpscares him and his heart gives out.

By Day 73 of the loop he's sick of everything and probably decks Michael. Unfortunately the surprise of doing it makes him faint and oh there he goes hitting his head again--

[furiousgoldfish]

For those who are constantly sabotaged from learning survival skills, who are told repeatedly that they're "good for nothing", "incapable" and "will never be able to do even basic stuff in life themselves", I just want you to know that it's normal that you feel absolutely terrified for your future and unsure if you'll ever be able to live independently. It is really scary to be kept in that belief that you will fail at anything you ever try, that your work is not good enough for you to be hired or paid, that you wouldn't be able to survive without your parents. It is debilitating, it is stopping your progress in you life, its making it impossible for you to plan or imagine any kind of future, when you can't believe that you'll be able to achieve anything.

I was that person, I was convinced that I was both stupid and incapable, I was convinced I couldn't learn to cook or even do laundry by myself, I was told over and over that any decision I make will lead me straight into ruin and that teaching me anything is a waste of time and effort.

But I am now years away from being treated like this and you know what I think about it looking back? It's laughable. My skills and abilities are already superior to those of my parents. Looking back it is extremely obvious that the only reason I wasn't able to progress with any kind of skill was the intense sabotage, and if truly had been hopeless, there would have been no need to sabotage me at all, I would have been allowed to try and learn on my own.

You are not hopeless, you're kept from development on purpose. Nobody is going to be able to keep this from you forever. Nobody is hopeless. Everything can be learned in freedom and with kindness.

[kebriones]

Greek doctors won't prescribe you painkillers after surgery but will prescribe you antibiotics after bacterial infection test turned out negative "just in case" lmao.

[reneesfanworks]

given the girl canonically becomes the god of fear and hunger and le'garde manages to survive until termina do you think she harbors resentment towards him?

we know for her ending she's at least somehow merciful with the player if you're good to her, but was that really the god doing a conscious choice or just remnants of her mortal mind? is she indiferente towards him? does she understand his ideals or resents him for not helping her? or doesn't think about him at all?

i just think there's something hilarious about a man so desperate to be great he becomes obsessed with a vague ass prophecy and enters what's arguably one of the most dangerous places in europe just to be left in the dust by his daughter

[halfyearsqueen]

the way " she was my only daughter and they killed her. they stole my crown and murdered my daughter and they shall answer for it, " was spoken at visenya's funeral. the way she was in so much physical pain that she needed milk of the poppy to blunt the edge of it. the way she was in labour for three days knowing something had gone terribly wrong, and she still wasn’t coming yet. the way she rested for the night, and then there was her funeral, and council, and then her coronation. and more councils. the way she sat in council for the three days post sending luke off to storm’s end wholly unaware he was dead already

[dearjewels22]

I feel like my 7 years from breaking a mirror are almost up. Trying to hold on.