#kids do not know what’s best for themselves and ellie should not be allowed to make a decision that big

[softestepilogue]

the biggest relief anna would feel if she could see this random man willing and ready to kill for, die for, and live for her daughter. the relief she would feel if she could see the parental love and care her daughter has now. the relief she would feel that that man slaughtered a whole bunch of people, including her best friend, so her daughter could live. there is no doubt in my mind anna would root on joel to the very end.

[hella1975]

my ask from rori held spoilers so paraphrased but also copied infodumping is coming in here we go:

ok so like. vaccines cannot be made for fungus but that is information I learned w resources today. Nobody would know of this then and so there is no reason to stop the procedure on ellie. Like of COURSE ellie should be saved but there's just that horrible complexity of possibly saving the fucking world for more than just one person. Like Ellie I think would've said yes even if there was death, she's seen so much of it she's had to BE A PART OF IT so much this girl knows she's supposed to be more than she is and if that means dying? Of course she would. Dying is a lover to her a friend multiple lives an ENTIRE other world WHY was she living anyways. Ellie lost her ability to choose that for herself from the fireflies sure but also from Joel. He was selfish to the world and to her, but I literally encourage that like it would not be Joel if he did not show his love for her like that.

And throughout this series we have seen people do the exact thing. Like can you blame the woman who suggested the bomb before the outbreak? She just requested then to go see her family. We don't know if she told them they were going to die, we don't know what her last moment was with them. Bill and Frank weren't heroes to anyone they stayed close to themselves, NOT existing as a bigger picture for the hope of humanity but for THEMSELVES. Kathleen wanted a brother for a brother, because hers died to ensure the safety of Henrys but how is that fair. There is no bigger picture for them he and that kid will die no matter what. Tommy loved his wife/future kids and he left Joel, it was selfish for him to do that but he just wanted to shed his skin from what he'd done with Joel. Marleen wanted hope for the future she PROTECTED ellie and ellies mom protected her too by lying. Like I can't get any more across that you cannot pick a good person in this place, I'd even say there's no bad person either. (besides david. actually i think hes one if not only The Worst.) But you get what I mean ndmsksmw

THIS THIS THIS I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING HERE like the reason i think morality is handled so well in tlou is because oftentimes when you're presented with 'morally grey' shows, they just mean all the characters are awful and you have to pick the least awful from the bunch, and that's fucking exhausting. but in tlou very few of them are wholly evil with bad intentions. you can SEE how some if not all of them might have started as good, normal people. it's such a beautiful, heartbreaking way of showing survival because it feels REAL. it's scary and harrowing because you can see yourself and your loved ones falling into the same mistakes as the characters because they're not acting as bad or good people; they're just people.

and joel's choice being selfish!!!!!!! this a hundred thousand times. like ellie's character is so determined by autonomy and choice and he TOOK THAT FROM HER but he had her best interests at heart. his way of taking choice was from a father's viewpoint, was him seeing this little girl, a CHILD who isnt old enough to comprehend her choice yet and legally wouldn't be allowed to in a better world, and taking such a collosal choice from her hands because she fundamentally doesn't understand it yet. the fireflies didn't do that. they didn't have ellie in mind, and that's why it's different. im with joel all the way with the choice he made just as i support ellie being angry with him when she inevitably finds out.

[nicklloydnow]

“First, to the kids: There are people in your home town who have taken certain books off the shelves of your school library. Do not argue with them; do not protest; do not organize or attend rallies to have the books put back on their shelves. Don't waste your time or your energy. Instead, hustle down to your public library, where these frightened people's reach must fall short in a democracy, or to your local bookstore, and get a copy of what has been banned. Read it carefully and discover what it is your elders don't want you to know. In many cases you'll finish the banned book in question wondering what all the fuss was about. In others, however, you will find vital information about the human condition. It doesn't hurt to remember that John Steinbeck, J.D. Salinger, and even Mark Twain have been banned in this country's public schools over the last 20 years.

Second, to the parents in these towns: There are people out there who are deciding what your kids can read, and they don't care what you think because they are positive their ideas of what's proper and what's not are better, clearer than your own. Do you believe they are? Think carefully before you decide to accord the book-banners this right of cancellation, and remember that they don't believe in democracy but rather in a kind of intellectual autocracy. If they are left to their own devices, a great deal of good literature may soon disappear from the shelves of school libraries simply because good books -- books that make us think and feel -- always generate controversy.

(…)

Third, to the other interested citizens of these towns: Please remember that book-banning is censorship, and that censorship in a free society is always a serious matter -- even when it happens in a junior high, it is serious. A proposal to ban a book should always be given the gravest consideration. Book-banners, after all, insist that the entire community should see things their way, and only their way. When a book is banned, a whole set of thoughts is locked behind the assertion that there is only one valid set of values, one valid set of beliefs, one valid perception of the world. It's a scary idea, especially in a society which has been built on the ideas of free choice and free thought.

Do I think that all books and all ideas should be allowed in school libraries? I do not. Schools are, after all, a "managed" marketplace. Books like "Fanny Hill" and Brett Easton Ellis' gruesome "American Psycho" have a right to be read by people who want to read them, but they don't belong in the libraries of tax-supported American middle schools. Do I think that I have an obligation to fly down to Florida and argue that my books, which are a long way from either "Fanny Hill" or "American Psycho," be replaced on the shelves from which they have been taken? No. My job is writing stories, and if I spent all my time defending the ones I've written already, I'd have no time to write new ones.

Do I believe a defense should be mounted? Yes. If there's one American belief I hold above all others, it's that those who would set themselves up in judgment on matters of what is "right" and what is "best" should be given no rest; that they should have to defend their behavior most stringently. No book, record, or film should be banned without a full airing of the issues. As a nation, we've been through too many fights to preserve our rights of free thought to let them go just because some prude with a highlighter doesn't approve of them."

“If you accept -- and I do -- that freedom of speech is important, then you are going to have to defend the indefensible. That means you are going to be defending the right of people to read, or to write, or to say, what you don't say or like or want said.

The Law is a huge blunt weapon that does not and will not make distinctions between what you find acceptable and what you don't. This is how the Law is made.

People making art find out where the limits of free expression are by going beyond them and getting into trouble.

(…)

The Law is a blunt instrument. It's not a scalpel. It's a club. If there is something you consider indefensible, and there is something you consider defensible, and the same laws can take them both out, you are going to find yourself defending the indefensible.

(…)

I loved coming to the US in 1992, mostly because I loved the idea that freedom of speech was paramount. I still do. With all its faults, the US has Freedom of Speech. The First Amendment states that you can't be arrested for saying things the government doesn't like. You can say what you like, write what you like, and know that the remedy to someone saying or writing or showing something that offends you is not to read it, or to speak out against it. I loved that I could read and make my own mind up about something.”

[jobrookekarev]

Sweet Preteen

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 4000

Summary: When Zola acts out at her Birthday party and yells at Ellis. Meredith decides to present her with Derek's ferry boat scrub cap in the hopes that it will remind her of the girl Meredith and Derek love.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, and Alex Karev/Jo Karev.

Characters: Meredith Grey, Zola Shepherd, Ellis Shepherd, Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Derek Shepherd, Amelia Shepherd, Maggie Pierce, and Lexie Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Sisterhood, Fluff, Preteen Drama, Mother-Daughter Bonding, Adoption, Ferry Boat Scrub Cap, Derek’s in Flashbacks.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

……………………………………………………………………

Meredith looked around the backyard and smiled. She spotted Zola with her new friends over on the picnic table and smiled before going over and wrapped her arms around Zola’s shoulders. 

“Happy birthday, Zola!” She said, squeezing her shoulders and leaning in to kiss her cheek. 

Zola sighed and frowned as she pushed away from her Mom while her friends giggled around her. Meredith knew that she was the embarrassing Mom at that moment, but she couldn't help it. She smirked and let go of her, turning away so Zola didn’t see her smile fade.

As she got up, she looked around the rest of the backyard where all their friends and family were laughing and smiling. All the little kids, Bailey, Ellis, Scout, Harriet, Leo, and Allison all chased each other around. While the grown ups sat off to the side, talking amongst themselves. 

It was a mixture of a family party and a friend's party and Zola had finished opening presents and they were all enjoying the chocolate cake. Meredith thought it was working out pretty well until Zola came over and tapped on her shoulder. At ten years old Zola was only a head shorter than she was and Meredith could hardly believe how big her little girl was getting.

“Hey Mom, can my friends and I go to the park for a little while?” Zola asked, a begging smile on her cheeks.

“What's wrong with staying here?” Meredith asked, looking around to where Owen and Alex were pushing two of the kids on the swings as Ellis got a little too high and screeched. 

Zola grimaced as she followed Meredith’s sights. “There are too many babies around here.”

“Well I'm sure there'd be some babies at the park,” Meredith said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Please Mom, it's my birthday, can't my friends and I just go hang out with each other?”

“Zola, everybody here is your family and they're here to celebrate your birthday with you. I know you want to spend time with your friends, but your family is looking forward to this day with you too. Can’t you just hold off for a few more hours and then go to the park?”

“No Mom we want to go now,” Zola insisted, clenching her fists.

“Fine,” Meredith said, she knew what it was like to be young and too not want to hang out with parents and younger cousins. “But your Aunt Amelia and Uncle Link have to go with you.”

“Fine,” Zola relented her anger escaping like steam as she unclenched her hands. “But can Scout stay here?”

“I don't know, ask your Aunt Amelia?” Meredith said, gesturing over to where Amelia and Link were sitting on the bench.

“Aunt Amelia,” Zola shouted across the back yard. “Can you and Uncle Link take us to the park, but can Scout stay here with Aunt Jo?”

“Yeah, so long as Jo doesn't mind,” Amelia said right away, looking over at Jo who sat on the edge of the sandbox playing with Scout and Allison.

“Um, I guess,” Jo looked a little taken aback as her lips parted, but Alex quickly nodded.

“Yeah, don't worry about it, we'll keep an eye on him,” Alex said, joining Jo in the sandbox and tickling Scout's side as the baby shrieked with laughter and crawled away from him.

“Great,” Zola smiled as she and her friends quickly got up.

“I want to go too,” Ellis said running over and grabbing Zola’s hand.

“No,” Zola said shaking off her hand and scowling at Ellis. “No babies allowed.”

“I’m not a baby!” Ellis insisted, stopping her foot.

“Zola, Ellis can go with you if she wants too,” Maggie said trying to defuse the situation and placed her hand on Zola’s arm

“No, it’s my birthday. I get to do what I want!” Zola said, brushing off Maggie’s hand. 

“Ellis,” Meredith said, coming over and kneeling down in front of her. “Let’s let Zola play alone with her friends and we’ll go to the park with Zola tomorrow.”

Ellis sighed, looking down at her shoes as she kicked the grass. “She never wants to play with me.”

“I’ll try and talk to her,” Amelia whispered to Meredith. 

Ellis watched as Zola left with her friends and Amelia and Link, who trailed behind them. They all hoped that Zola’s reluctance to play with Ellis was just a phase brought on by her new friends. Meredith let out a sigh and went back into the house.

She knew that one day the moody preteen years would be upon her, but she didn't realize that it would be the year that Zola turned double digits. This was the beginning of it and she couldn't imagine it getting any worse. Although she had seen touches of it happening recently. Usually, Zola was such a sweet kid and didn't mind hanging around with her younger siblings, friends, and cousins. 

However, when Zola’s friends were over they always shut themselves up in her room and yelled at Ellis or Bailey if they tried to join them. At first, Meredith let them have their privacy. Understanding how the girls just wanted to play by themselves for a while, but recently it had escalated the point of the girls purposely excluding Ellis and making her cry. It was hard to imagine her sweet Zola, who was so excited to have a baby sister and always kiss her goodnight before they went to bed, could say something that made Ellis cry.

“Hey,” Alex said, bringing her out of her head as he walked into the kitchen. 

“How did this happen? Meredith said gesturing to the empty kitchen around her. “The minute she turns ten she turns into an annoying preteen who thinks she's too cool to hang out with her family.”

Alex just shrugged and walked over to sit on one of the stools. “Most kids don't like hanging out with their little siblings, especially when their friends are around. She's just trying to figure out how to be cool. Give her a couple of months and she’ll come around.”

“What if she doesn't, what if this is my life now? I mean she’s a preteen now. What am I going to do? I never had siblings like she did. I don't know how to deal with all this?” Meredith said as she shook her head and looked out the window to see Bailey and Ellis were still playing in the yard with Maggie and Winston. “And soon she’s going to start dating boys or girls!”

“Well she can't be any worse than you,” Alex said with a shake of his head with a smile. “But you and Derek figured it all out.”

Meredith smiled thinking about how it would be karma if Zola was as boy crazy as she was. Unfortunately for her, Meredith didn't get it together until she was a resident. She couldn't imagine watching Zola be boy crazy until she finished her residency. Then she thought about how Zola would soon be kissing boys or maybe girls. She didn't know for sure, but sometimes she caught Zola staring at Sofia when she visited and it made her wonder. That whole conversation of her daughter dating, she definitely wasn't ready for.

“Hey,” Jo said, appearing in the kitchen with Scout on her hip as he rubbed his eyes and Jo looked just as tired. “We're gonna head upstairs for a nap, I should be down in a few minutes, but can you go back out and push Ellis on the swing? She was asking for you.”

“Yeah, we'll head back out and I’ll come and check on you in a second, just in case you fall asleep too,” Alex said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Very funny,” Jo said, coming over and leaning in to give Alex a kiss. “Thanks though.”

Jo disappeared into the hall to head upstairs and Alex watched her go as Meredith looked out the window. Ellis and Harriet were smiling and laughing as they chased each other around in circles. At five and four years old, respectively the two of them were best friends and nearly inseparable. She missed the days when things were simple and her children's emotions were displayed on their faces. 

Meredith just shook her head. She opened the cabinet on top of the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of tequila and two glasses. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Not tonight, Mere,” Alex said, setting her with a look, knowing that she was using alcohol to avoid her daughter's preteen attitude.

“What about Jo? She’ll want something,” Meredith decided, pouring another glass.

“Jo can't drink, she's pregnant,” Alex said, his words completely flying over Meredith’s head as she took a shot of her drink and poured another one.

Meredith finished pouring her drink and then went to put the top on the bottle, but froze halfway. She looked up and met Alex's eyes. He smiled widely as she finally processed what he had said. 

“Jo’s pregnant?” 

“Yeah,” Alex said with a laugh as he nodded, he seemed giddy at the thought of them finally having a child. 

“Congratulations,” Meredith said, coming around to give him a hug.

“Thanks,” Alex said, pulling back as Meredith said down on the stool next to him.

“With your luck though, the baby’s going to be born in your guys’ car,” Meredith said with a smile.

“Shut up,” Alex said with a smile and a little laugh. “We're doctors, we know what labor looks like, and we practically live at the hospital, besides she wants an epidural as soon as she goes into labor.”

“Yeah, she's taken care of enough screaming mothers to know what she wants,” Meredith said with a smirk remembering how Jo was complaining of an earache after a Mom screamed in her ear during labor last week. “And with your big Karev head, she'll probably end up tearing.”

“Don't tell her that,” Alex whispered, looking around to see if Jo had appeared in the hallway again.

“She's an OB now, she’s seen your baby photos, and she still agreed to have your kid, she knows what she's getting into,” Meredith said with a smile as she shook her head.

“Yeah, but you don't have to remind her about my big head,” Alex said with a grimace before his expression softened and he smiled. “Zola’s a good kid, she's got a good head on her shoulders. She's ten, most ten-year-olds are just trying to figure out how things work. She’s smart and she'll figure it out.”

“Yeah, I know,” Meredith said with a smile. “You and Derek are good at this stuff. Derek especially, he always talked about how he mediated things between his sisters and how he’d do it for our kids. It’s times like these when I miss him the most.”

“Derek was pretty good at that stuff,” Alex said with a nod, giving her a smile in return. “But you know what, you're pretty good at this stuff too.”

Meredith nodded and put the lid on the bottle of tequila, before putting it away. She knew what she wanted to say to Zola when she got back. Maybe it wouldn’t stop the preteen drama from continuing, but she knew it would remind Zola of the kind girl Meredith knew she was.

……………………………………………………………………

2014

Meredith laughed as she watched as three-year-old Zola put another band-aid over Derek's nose. Dr. Grey-Shepherd had taken her job very seriously and had insisted that her Daddy absolutely needed several Disney princess themed band-aids. So far Derek had one on both of his arms, his knees, and now his nose. The three of them were playing in the living room as Meredith and Derek spent some two-on-one time with Zola now that Bailey had gone down for the night.

“You know Zo Zo Daddy is doing much better. I really don't think I need this many band-aids.”

“But Daddy you're hurt,” Zola insisted as she placed the band-aid over the little bump Derek had gotten on his nose after Bailey whacked him with a toy. 

Zola had immediately ran to get the box of band-aids and had insisted on kissing her Daddy's boo boo better. 

“Alright,” Derek relented as he smiled and tilted his head at her.

Zola put a band-aid on his nose and leaned down ever so gently to kiss the band-aid and Meredith couldn't help but awe at the sight. Zola was always so caring and eager to kiss anyone better. She wished she could capture the sweet little moments and keep it in a bottle forever. 

Meredith was content to watch Zola and Derek play. As always Derek was wrapped around her little finger and anything she wanted, she got even if it meant a princess band-aid on his nose. Derek was completely focused on Zola as she held up her real stethoscope to his heart and he showed her where to put it so she could hear his heartbeat. Christina had said that Derek would be enchanted by Zola putting applesauce in her ear and Meredith believed it as she saw them play before her. They both ran off to get something, probably more things from Zola's doctor kit and Meredith waited for their return. 

“Okay go show Mommy how much of a proper surgeon you are,” Derek said, his hands on Zola’s shoulders as he gave her a gentle nudge forward. 

Zola ran over to her with this huge smile on her face as she stood before Meredith dressed in a pair of dark blue scrubs and Derek's ferry boat scrub cap tide on her head.

“Why hello Dr. Grey-Shepherd, you look very professional, are you getting ready for surgery,” Meredith said if she smiled at her little girl, to be honest, she was just as enchanted by Zola as Derek was. 

“Thank you, Mommy,” Zola beamed at her compliment, swaying back and forth a little bit as she held her hands behind her back.

Derek came over and put his stethoscope around her neck and she pulled it off to go find her teddy bear’s heartbeat. Suddenly Meredith got a glimpse of the woman that she would become and it made her heart both happy and sad. She was so happy to see the wonderful woman that Zola would be, but sad that her little girl wasn't going to be little forever. 

“I got the scrubs from Alex of all people,” Derek chuckled as he sat down beside her and they both watched Zola play.

“Yeah, that sounds like something Alex would get for her,” Meredith said with a smile and a laugh.

“I think I'll pass that scrub cap on to her when she’s ready.”

“Really?” Meredith said, looking up at him as he had eyes only for Zola.

“Yeah, you know in Medicine we always talk about passing on our skills to the residents, but it'd be nice to pass this on to her. She's going to make an amazing surgeon someday, just like her Daddy,” Derek smiled his eyes glazing over as if he was imagining it before him

“And like her Mommy,” Meredith added.

“Like both of us,” Derek agreed, looking back at her with a smile.

Meredith ran her fingers over the little band-aid on his nose as Derek winced. He probably could have gotten away with just a little bit of antibiotic cream but Zola had insisted on a band-aid. She believed they made everything better, like magic. 

“You're going to have to help me get this thing off later tonight,” Derek said as he gently pulled at the side of the band-aid, but stopped as it hurt too much to pull off.

Meredith giggled and shook her head as she looked back at Zola. “I think Daddy can keep it on for another day, besides Zola would be so disappointed if you took it off tonight.”

“But I have to work tomorrow?” 

“I know,” Meredith said with a smile as Derek shook his head and tickled her sides and she laughed. 

Zola came over and joined in on the tickling. The two of them ganged up on Meredith who retaliated with nimble hands of her own as she captured Zola and they each tickled her sides. The sounds of their daughter's laughter filled the room and Meredith smiled because both she and Derek lived for that sound.

“Stop, stop,” Zola eventually said, holding up her hands as Derek and Meredith immediately pulled back their fingers.

Zola laid in their laps for a moment as they all caught their breath and it took them each a while to control their laughter. Zola eventually turned her attention to her bear. Ever the willing patient as she started to listen to his heartbeat and excitedly told her parents about it when she found it. Derek put his arm around Meredith’s shoulders as she leaned her head into his chest as they watched their daughter play, completely enchanted by her. 

……………………………………………………………………

2021

Later that night Meredith knocked on Zola's door. It was long after the party had ended and everyone had gone home, but Zola’s friends had stayed for a sleepover and we're currently camped out in her room with popcorn and movies. 

“What!” Zola asked, opening the door just enough to stick her head out.

“Zola, can I talk to you?” Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow at her as she used her calm, but firm Mom voice. “I'd like to give you an extra present.”

“Yeah, okay,” Zola said, her voice softer as she slipped out of the room, closing the door behind

Meredith motioned for her to follow and together they walked down to her room. She closed the door behind them and Zola stood next to the door. Meredith opened the top drawer of her dresser and she pushed aside her socks to pull out a little box. Meredith knew that it was time she gave this one to Zola. She had two others that she would give to Bailey and Ellis when they were ready, but this one was always Zola's.

Meredith turned around and sat on the bed patting the spot next to her as Zola sat down. She put her arm around Zola and placed the box in her hands. Zola looked a little confused as she opened the box, but gasped when she saw Derek's ferry boat scrub cap. 

“Mom?” That was all Zola managed to say as she looked up at Meredith, her lips slightly parted and she looked back down at the scrub cap. 

“Your Dad loved you and from the moment he held you, he knew you were his daughter. He loved that ferry boat scrub cap and he told me that he wanted you to have it when you were ready,” Meredith said as she squeezed Zola’s shoulders and kissed her forehead. Zola turned in her arms and hugged her. “Your Dad would be so proud of the smart, beautiful, capable, and powerful young woman that you have become but with that power comes responsibility.”

“Are you trying to tell me I'm Spider-Man?” Zola asked with a smile.

“I'm trying to tell you to be nice to your siblings, but it's kind of like Spider-Man. He was a superhero and he was good to his neighborhood when he didn't have to be. We each make the choice to do good or bad things. We choose to do good things because we are responsible and kind, like hanging out with your sister. I know it was your birthday and you should be allowed to spend it however you want, but not if you are mean to Ellis. She’s your sister Zola, you shouldn’t shut her out, because she cares for you and loves you. Trust me, I spent far too long pushing away my sister, when all she wanted was to love me. I missed out on that extra love when I didn’t have to.” 

“Are you talking about Aunt Lexie?” Zola asked, she didn’t remember Lexie, but Meredith told her about Lexie as much as she could.

“I am,” Meredith said, smiled softly as she remembered Lexie. “Your Aunt Lexie wanted to love me and to know me as a sister, but it took me a year to let her. When I did though, I had a sister who was crazy like me and kinder than I was. It was so good and I grew to love her and I know you love Ellis.”

“I do love Ellis. I’m sorry, Mom, for everything. I talked with Aunt Amelia when we were at the park and I know I kind of acted like a brat earlier. I didn't mean to disappoint you or to hurt Ellis. I just wanted to hang out with my friends,” Zola said, giving a little shrug.

“Your birthday is about celebrating the day that you were born and your family, your sister wanted to celebrate that with you and you were kind of a brat,” Meredith said, raising her eyebrows at Zola. She pretended to be the strict parent for a moment before she dived in with her fingers, tickling Zola’s sides as they giggled together. 

They tickled each other for a moment until Zola cried uncle and Meredith pulled back. Zola looked at the scrap cap picking it up in her hands. Maggie had braided her hair into box braids that went down to her waist. She quickly brushed them behind her shoulder and wrapped them into a big bun at the base of her neck, before she put the scrub cap on. Then, she looked over at herself in the mirror and smiled. 

“I know I don't look like Dad or even Aunt Maggie, but wearing his hat it kind of feels like I do,” Zola said, turning back to look at her with a nervous expression. “Aunt Jo said that every time she looked down at the watch Ms. Schmidt gave her, she feels like a piece of Ms. Schmidt lives inside of her and I feel like I have a piece of Dad in me too especially with his scrub cap. Is that weird?” 

“No,” Meredith said, shaking her head. “You're wearing his scrub cap, you have dreams of being a neurosurgeon just like your dad. You love him and part of that love for him is inside you. A part of him that is represented by that hat.”

Zola’s smile returned as she looked back at herself in the mirror. She straightened her shoulders and sat up straighter. She didn't look any different than she did the day before, and to Meredith, Zola was still that little girl she fell in love with. But at that moment she looked so stunningly grown up. Zola turned around and hugged her and Meredith closed her eyes as she held her daughter. 

“Thank you,” Zola whispered against her shoulder, hugging her Mom tightly. 

Eventually, they settled down and Zola gave her one last squeeze before she got up. She paused in the doorway and looked back at Meredith. “Good night Mom, I love you and I love that you are my Mom.”

“I'm glad that you're my daughter, Good night Zo Zo.”

Zola closed the door behind her, but Meredith heard someone knock. She looked out in the hall only to see Zola step into Ellis’s room. Meredith smiled and relaxed, as she closed the door letting the sisters talk alone. She looked over at the pictures of her sisters, one of Lexie and one of Maggie and Amelia on her dresser. She was happy that her daughter had a sister like she did because at the end of the day they would always have their sisters.

[oboevallis]

lost

sorry this is so long, i don’t know if it really makes sense but i was talking with him grandmother and she told me this story about how we went to the beach with the family and we went walking and it was late and high tide and we got absolutely completely lost and she didn’t speak great english and had no phone and we were just walking trying to find the hotel which all look the same while everyone was looking for us and that kinda inspired this story (lol sorry i feel like i do a lot of stories based on events that have happened to me so idk if that’s boring or not ill stop talking now tho)

Amelia quietly slipped out of bed once she realized her son was awake and babbling to himself, and she knew if she didn’t quickly attend to him, he’d start wailing causing the rest of the house to wake up. As much as she savored her sleep she enjoyed the early morning feeds, no one else was up, allowing her to be solely focused on her son. She quietly slipped out the back door to get settled on the lawn chair, and was startled when she saw Maureen, almost forgetting the two had come to visit.

“Good morning.” Maureen smiled, nursing her thermos of coffee.

“Morning.” Amelia reciprocated settling in the chair next to her.

“Hope you don’t mind I came back here. Eric is in a work call and I tend to distract him, and I just found myself out here.”

“No not at all.” The neurosurgeon responded truthfully as she guided her son to her breast, which he eagerly latched onto. “Thanks again for taking the kids for the day, it was much appreciated.”

“Of course. We had a great time with them.” The older woman smiled kindly, putting Amelia at ease. She tried so hard to make a good impression on her boyfriends parents and now felt at ease knowing they thought she was good enough for their son. “I don’t know how you and Link do it, especially in a pandemic. I mean you can’t take em to the park, museum, or anything.”

“Me either.” The woman absentmindedly chuckled, she was just taking it a day at a time. The women turned around once hearing the door open to reveal the oldest child.

“Auntie Amelia, I have a proposition for you.” Zola smiled as she walked further into the backyard still in her pajamas.

“A proposition huh?” The woman chuckled, it always impressed her when her niece would use a vocabulary word out of reach for a girl her age in the proper manner.

“Yep, I think we should not do school today, stay in our pjs, build a fort in the living room, and have a movie marathon.” The girl announced jumping on the balls of her feet, as much as Amelia wanted to oblige she knew she couldn’t.

“We can this weekend, but I’m sorry we can’t just not do school.”

“Ugh, but mom would let us.” This caused Amelia to laugh.

“We both know your mom would not in any capacity let you miss school if you weren’t sick.”

“It was worth a shot.” Zola shrugged.

“It was, but I’ll let you pick what we have for dinner tonight.”

“Pizza?”

“You’ve got it.”

“Do you think Link will still help me with my report.”

“I’m sure he’d love to, just let him sleep a bit more and once he wakes up ask him.” Zola nodded and ran back into the house, Amelia sighed in relief there wasn’t a tantrum.

“You’re good with kids, especially remediating a situation.” Maureen commented, admiring the younger woman more.

“I try.” Amelia chuckles, Maureen has only seen the kids well behaved and not in their tantrum state.

“So, I hate to be blunt, but my son doesn’t tell me a thing, are the two of you planning on getting married?”

“Oh, umm.” Amelia blushed awkwardly shifting her son. “Not at the moment, we’re going to wait until things calm down a bit.”

“As long as it’s in the cards.”

“I think it will be.” The neurosurgeon smiled, thinking about Links plans to get married in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

________________________________________

Bailey had an hour break before his next Zoom started up, so Link took the opportunity to take him out on their daily walk and get his energy out around the block while he tried to lull his son. This time though his father tagged along, he still had a lot of resentment towards his parents but was trying his best to be civil.

“That kid almost has as much energy as you did before..” Eric trailed off, but Link knew what he meant. Before his cancer tore his family apart, and made him a shell of the kid he was,but he was determined to only talk about the good things.

“Yeah he keeps Amelia and I on our toes.” Link quickly said, so no talk of his cancer came up.

“I know your upset with your mother and I, but we just want to help. And rebuild our family.” The ortho surgeon did his best to not roll his eyes at the statement, he couldn’t understand why they couldn’t have worked it out in the first place, why they decided to track along across multiple states during a global pandemic, and why they had to keep freaking his girlfriend out with the concept of marriage.

“I really don’t have the energy to talk about this right now, why don’t we just change the subject.” Before Eric could agree his sons phone started to ring. “Crap this is the hospital, I’ve gotta go in. Bailey! We gotta get home” He called up ahead to the boy who was scootering.

“It’s alright I’ll keep walking with them.”

“You sure?” The man asked wearily.

“Of course you know me I love a good walk.” He took the baby out of his sons arms and Link wrapped the baby snug across the older mans chest.

“Thanks dad!” He smiled as he jogged back to the house to grab his car and head to the hospital, while Eric caught up along side of Bailey as he turned another corner.

________________________________________

After Amelia finished helping Ellis with her math homework she realized it had been well over an hour since the boys had gone for their walk it typically lasted 40 minutes and the house was wearily quiet. She made her way downstairs to be met with Maureen folding the pile of laundry.

“Oh I’m sorry, you don’t have to do that.”

“Please, I don’t mind.”

“Do you know where the boys are?” Amelia asked feeling her anxiety start to rise as there was no indication of them being home.

“I assume they’re still walking, they haven’t walked in yet.” The neurosurgeon pulled out her phone and tapped on her boyfriends contact to be met with a scrub nurse who informed her, he was in fact scrubbing in on an emergency surgery.

“Link is at work.” Amelia informed Maureen rather confused, Link always told her before he left the house, but assumed he was so excited by the notion of a surgery and left the boys with his father.

“I’ll try Eric.” Once the older woman dialed the number they heard ringing coming from the coffee table where he left his phone. “I’m always telling him he needs to carry his phone around, he’s terrible with remembering it.” The woman huffed obviously starting to get a little startled.

“Okay.” Amelia took a deep breath. “I’m going to go look for them, would you mind staying with the girls?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks.” Amelia quickly made her way towards the door and grabbed her keys from the hook, noting her boyfriend failed to bring the diaper bag as it was next to the door. Nonetheless she got into her car and tried the best to calm herself down, though all she could think about were worst case scenarios.

______________________________________

“Do you have any idea where we are?” Eric asked Bailey as he walked beside him, the boy had gotten tired and now just tracked the scooter along side them.

“No we usually don’t go this far.” Baileys fearless persona faltering, he assumed by this point he was late for class and was going to be in big trouble with his aunt and teacher.

“Everything kinda looks the same huh?”

“Yeah.” Bailey nodded nervously biting his nail, a habit he’d recently picked up from his aunt.

“Hey bud, it’s going to be fine we’ll find our way home.” Internally he was cursing himself for not bringing his phone along with him. After some more walking they found themselves on a street with convenience stores, Merediths house wasn’t far from the heart of Seattle but they were definitely far from where they were supposed to be. He was tempted to walk into a store and ask someone for directions but he didn’t have a mask and had two small children so that wasn’t an option. “Alright, let’s go back to that last street and make a left, maybe that right was a bad idea.”

“We’ll never get home.” Bailey said hopelessly.

“We will don’t worry about it.” And if things couldn’t get any worse the baby had started to fuss which in no time would turn into fill on crying.

Amelia slowly drove through the neighborhood looking for the three, not knowing she was on the opposite part of the neighborhood from them. Meanwhile after aimlessly walking and multiple turns Bailey started to recognize where they were and lead the way home.

“Where the hell have you been?” Maureen immediately asked as they walked through the door taking the now crying baby from her fiancé. “You need to have your phone on you!”

“Just strolling.” Eric responded nonchalantly.

“No we were lost. Really lost.” Bailey corrected as he ran into the kitchen to find something to eat since he missed lunch. Maureen followed taking out a bottle for Scout and calling her daughter in law informing her they were home, she heard a large sigh of relief through the other line.

Amelia happened to pull into the driveway the same time as Link, she wiped her stray tears as she had gotten herself into such a state and slammed her car door.

“Hey, where were you?” The ortho surgeon smiled brightly, he had just completed a rather simple surgery but just being in the OR at any capacity was heaven.

“Where was I? I don’t know, where was I?” Amelia chuckled on disbelief. “Where the hell were you? I spent two hours driving around trying to find your father and the boys.”

“What they never came home?” Link asked in a panic.

“They just did. They were lost and struggled to find their way home so they were aimlessly walking around while I aimlessly drove around in the wrong direction.”

“Damn it, how could my dad do this?” The man ran a stressed hand through his hair.

“This isn’t your dads fault it’s yours!”

“Huh?”

“Oh don’t act stupid. First you don’t even take the diaper bag in the walk with all the essentials and a first aid kit and then you up and leave for a surgery without even texting me.” The man was about to interject but Amelia held up her hand. “And you let your father continue the walk, even though the man has been to Seattle like two times and doesn’t know his way around.”

“I thought they were just gonna go the rest of the way up the block and back, and that he’d tell you where I went. That’s what Bailey and I do everyday.”

“Have you been living with Bailey for the past four months? Or has it just been me? Bailey will just keep riding that scooter no matter what and go any which way paying no attention to his surroundings, of course Eric is just gonna follow him around since it probably seemed he knew where he was going. You know what I can’t even look at you, I don’t want to say something I’m going to regret.” Amelia walked past him and quickly made her way into the house, to be met with her sons cries and quickly took the baby from Maureen cradling him closely, the baby immediately calming.

“I am so so sorry Amelia.” Eric apologized obviously upset.

“It’s not your fault.” Amelia forcefully smiled, she wasn’t entirely mad at him mostly at her boyfriend. Link then walked through the front door to be met with his mother scolding him.

“And what the hell were you thinking? Not telling anyone you were going to the hospital, and leaving your father with two kids in a place that’s foreign to him. Is surgery really all you can think about?” For the past couple of months he’d been complaining to his mother how much he hated not being able to operate.

“She would’ve done the same thing.” Link quickly pointed to his girlfriend who was cradling their son in the couch.

“What are we five?” Amelia asked when her boyfriend accused her in such a manner. “And I would’ve had the decency to tell you I was leaving and made sure you had the kids handled before I left.” Link backtracked and took a deep breath.

“Alright how about we just take a moment, they’ve been found so it’s fine.” The tired mother rolled her eyes and walked up the stairs with her baby, not in the mood for her boyfriends best case scenario talk.

“This could have been prevented by the both of you.” Maureen pointed to the two men who’s heads hung in shame.

“You should’ve made it clear to your father it was just up the block and back, and you should’ve texted the mother of your child.” She then directed her attention towards her husband. “And you need to pay more attention and keep your phone on you.”

“Sorry.” The two men answered in unison, ashamed to have messed up so greatly.

_______________________________________

The rest of the night was foreignly quiet, Bailey was exhausted and the couple was avoiding one another. After everyone had dinner together Maureen and Eric retreated back to the RV and the kids were all tucked in their beds. Once Link walked into the bedroom after his shower he sighed realizing Amelia wasn’t there. He quietly trekked into the nursery to be met with Amelia asleep in the rocking chair and her hand inside the crib, their sons hand was loosely holding her index finger. He would’ve smiled at the sight of he didn’t know what she was doing, her plan was to sleep in here tonight to avoid having to be in the same bed as him. He carefully removed her hand and picked her up out of the chair.

“Nooo.” Amelia sleepily groaned. “I’m sleeping in here.”

“No you’re not, your going to sleep in our bed.” He softly affirmed as he laid her down on her side of the bed. Once he moved to the other side of the bed and got settled his girlfriend was now wide awake and turned to face him.

“What happened today can never ever happen again.”

“It won’t I promise.”

“You know we’re so good at communicating within our relationship but not so great outside of it.” Link chuckled nodding in agreement. “You need to tell me when you get called in, and you need to let others know what the plan is, so they’re not getting lost in Seattle woth two small children.”

“I promise.” Link grabbed her hand in a reassuring manner. “I am so so sorry for what happened today, I was just so excited to be operating and I just lost my mind and didn’t think about anything outside of that operation.”

“I know this is hard for you, your not used to kids in the capacity that I am. You didn’t grow up in a loud house and you don’t have a large quantity of nieces and nephews. Your used to dealing with the occasional peds patient for like twenty minutes. I’m not saying your bad with kids I mean the peds floor loves you, it’s just this is a lot really quickly and non stop.”

“Wow you just articulated how I feel perfectly and I haven’t been able to even form a cohesive thought of what Im feeling.”

“Hmm, maybe that’s because you just sleep so you don’t have to think about feelings.” Link chuckled, sliding over to kiss her sweetly.

“I love you.” Link affirmed. “And I’m so sorry about today.”

“Tomorrow will be better.” Amelia agreed. “And I love you even more.”

“Impossible.”

[thewayshedreamed]

This Time— Part 5

A Nessian Fan Fic

Fic Masterlist

This chapter was a tough one for me to write. I got stuck a few times with the order of things (for this chapter and the following ones). Once I decided on that, the angst in this one was a little emotional for me to write, then edit. So, proceed with caution. That’s the official angst warning!

On a more positive note, this is a definitive turning point toward resolution, so it WILL get better! Thanks again for all of you who have offered your feedback and followed the story. Knowing y’all are enjoying this little au with me makes it all the more fun to write 😊

Trigger warning for short depiction of grief.

——————————————————————————

Birthday breakfast was really more of a birthday lunch the day after celebrating at Rita’s. Elain was sitting at the small island of Nesta’s kitchen, nursing a Gatorade and holding her head in her hands. Feyre was next to her scrolling through her phone. She was doing intel on their group’s collective social media updates, and so far, there were no embarrassing posts to deal with.

Nesta was mixing pancake batter, periodically folding in chocolate chips. Chocolate chip pancakes were reserved for Archeron birthdays or holidays, and they looked forward to sharing them when the occasions presented themselves. She poured some of the batter into her skillet, absently watching for bubbles as her indicator they were ready to flip. After making the initial flip, she walked to her refrigerator and produced a bottle of champagne with orange juice.

“Who wants to open the champagne for birthday mimosas?” She set both bottles on the island, with glasses, before turning her attention back to the pancakes. Elain’s only response was a long groan. Feyre giggled, pulled the champagne toward her, and started untwisting the cage over the cork.

“What’s the expression, El? Hair of the dog? It may make you feel better.” She stood away from the island to pop the cork. The last things they needed were physical injuries.

“I guess it can’t make me feel any worse, right?” She picked her head up from her hands. “I’m going to go grab my phone,” she said, with a cringe. She padded away to Nesta’s room, returning seconds later. She was scrolling through her phone as she walked and stopped short once she met the threshold of the kitchen, a horrified expression on her face.

”Why the fuck would I have deleted all of my texts last night?!” Her voice was more shrill than normal, and her sisters’ eyes grew at her use of “fuck” during pancake breakfast.

It was Feyre who dared answer her. “Umm... I have no idea. Maybe it was an accident?”

”That’s a pretty impressive accident.” Nesta realized her comment wasn’t helping as her sisters glared in her direction.

Elain continued. “I’ll tell you why. Because drunk me tried to hide something from sober me.” She paused for a second, blushing. “My evidence, in case you were wondering, is a text from Azriel that says: ‘*laugh emoji* Not cool. You had me worried there for a minute, Ellie. Goodnight. Hope you enjoyed your birthday.’” She glanced up at them in horror.

Nesta gave her a small smile. “Ellie, I’m sure it’s nothing. Even drunk you couldn’t have said anything too terrible. Maybe just talk to Az? It would be better than wondering.”

Elain sat down, her anxiety palpable in the small kitchen. She was quiet save for the nod she’d given her sister in acknowledgment of her advice. Nesta assumed maybe she could use a little more encouragement since she didn’t look wholly convinced.

“I really think it’ll be okay. Az is reasonable and has probably said his own fair share of drunken things he would care to take back.” She offered a short chuckle before sipping her mimosa. “You could call him, maybe, or—“

”Nes, are you really preaching to me about communication right now?”

Nesta blinked, taken aback by the irritation in Elain’s voice. “I wasn’t trying to preach, El. I just meant you didn’t have to worry and could trust Az to give you a chance to—“

”The same way you gave Cassian a chance to fix whatever the hell you’re holding against him? Why should Az be any more gracious than you’ve been?” Elain snapped. Her shoulders rounded a little at her own words, and Feyre’s eyes grew to the size of two steel blue saucers.

“Cauldron, Elain,” she said, looking from one sister to the other. Her back was straight, anticipating Nesta’s best weapons: her words.

Nesta took several seconds to reflect on their current situation. It was such an unexpected shift, where Elain was the one throwing insults, and Feyre, of all people, was defensive of Nesta. She wasn’t used to this type of interaction with Elain, and her words stung more than she was willing to admit. She finished her mimosa in one swift gulp and placed her dishes in the sink.

“Lucky for you, Azriel is nowhere near as disappointing, or shitty, as I am. I’m going to shower while you two finish breakfast. I’ll bring you home when you finish.” Her tone was neutral, dry even. By all measures, it was on the milder side for Nesta. She was halfway to the bathroom when she heard Elain’s wavering voice.

“Nes, wait. I’m sorry I didn’t mean—“

“Don’t ever apologize for saying what you mean, Elain,” she said, coldly, before walking the rest of her way. She couldn’t get out of there fast enough, wanting to leave the gaping wound that Elain had ripped open far behind her.

——————————————————————————

The following week went by fairly quickly. Elain and Nesta had made up within the day, Elain insisting that she had spoken from her own nerves rather than how she truly felt. She asked if Nesta wanted to talk about what happened with Cassian, but she declined, saying it wasn’t a big deal. She tasted the lie the second it left her mouth, but she shoved that down with everything else.

Her attention to the day of the week was higher than usual in anticipation of Wednesday. She was oddly preoccupied with a day that truly meant nothing to her, but it had haunted her since she overheard Cassian’s conversation with Alis. When the day finally arrived, she found herself ruminating over their conversation, letting her imagination run wild with the possibilities of how they were spending their time.

She told herself that she didn’t care beyond the fact that he would usually tell her all about these sorts of things. Gods, it bothered her to no end that she wasn’t his person anymore.

That Thursday, she found herself getting ready for dinner with Tomas. He had called her that Monday to see if she’d like to go out, and she didn’t have a reason not to. She may have even wanted to go. The downside, when the day arrived, was that it happened to be a particularly brutal work day. She was at home touching up and mentally preparing herself for a couple of hours of conversation. She would usually call Cassian for pep talks on days like this, but their non-friendship was a dealbreaker in that department. Not to mention, he likely wouldn’t have cared to give her a pep talk for this particular night. Gods, it bothered her to no end that he wasn’t her person anymore, either.

Dinner had been fine enough. Tomas looked handsome and seemed completely engaged with her the entire night. He was interested in her work, how her life had been since he’d last seen her, and her friends. He made brief mention of her mother and how he had been really sad to hear that she passed a few years ago. His condolences were sincere, but Nesta found herself oddly defensive at his mention of her. He hadn’t known her well, since their relationship hadn’t lasted long, and she felt like he couldn’t possibly imagine the void she left in their lives.

She resisted any response beyond a “thank you”, knowing that her reaction was likely due to her death anniversary coming up within the week. The rest of the night had gone well. The food was good, the conversation was fine, Tomas was fine. They had a fine time together. Everything was just fine.

Which is why, she assumed, that Tomas had tried to kiss her at the end of the night. He had driven her home, walked her to the door, and hugged her goodbye. As he pulled away, his cheek lingered next to hers, face turning toward her in slow motion. She cleared her throat abruptly and reached into her bag for her key.

“Well, thanks for tonight! I had a nice time.” She had the key in the lock, and she was already mentally selecting her sweatpants for the evening.

“Wait.” Thomas grabbed her elbow, turning her around. “Why are you being so weird? I thought we had a good time?”

”We did. I just said I had a nice time.”

”You seem to be rushing out pretty fast for a person having fun.” He paused for a few seconds to allow her to insist that she was having fun, or to invite him inside, she thought. She did neither.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Is it Cassian?”

She knew she was balking at him, but she didn’t have it in her to control it.

“Are you kidding me? Just because I’m ending the night without kissing you or asking you to come inside and fuck me, there has to be a man responsible? Could it be because this night has taken us as far as it was ever going to?” She rolled her eyes, turned the key, and walked inside. “Goodnight, Tomas,” she said, as she shut the door in his face.

She kicked her shoes off in her entryway and tossed her purse onto the small table next to her door. She removed her dress over her head as she walked purposefully to her bedroom and ripped her sweatpants out of the too-full drawer. She pulled on an extra large t-shirt and went to the kitchen to pour herself some red wine. She settled onto her couch, put on some mindless television, and tried to relax.

She reflected over the night’s events. She was honest when she told Tomas that they had a fine time. She had enjoyed herself tonight, and she started to feel a twinge of guilt for snapping at him in her doorway. He hadn’t done anything wrong before asking that question, and if she was honest with herself, she knew why it bothered her so much. It’s not that he wasn’t handsome, that he was unkind, or that he was disrespectful. It wasn’t even that he had misjudged and asked the wrong question. The truth hammered through her brain like an ambush, and she was utterly incapable of stopping it.

He’s not Cassian.

——————————————————————————

Nesta watched several episodes of a home renovation show as she worked through her bottle of wine. She decided that it was the perfect type of show to watch on nights like tonight, where she was knee-deep in her thoughts. Her earlier revelation had sunken its claws into her brain, and she was having trouble thinking of anything else. She wasn’t sure at what point she had stopped fighting it— either glass 2 or glass 3. She finally allowed herself to take a critical look at all these pent up emotions, and noteworthy memories of Cassian started to play through her mind like a montage.

She is sitting in the passenger seat of an older, black pick-up truck. Cassian is driving, and they have the windows down to feel the cool fall breeze. They’re going for a leisurely drive because he got his license just yesterday, and he loves the freedom it’s given him. He doesn’t have to be a slave to his home life or his abusive father anymore. He can just drive. She makes a joke, and he’s laughing now. His mid-length waves are dancing around his face, and he turns to look at her for mere seconds before looking back at the road.

She sipped her wine thoughtfully, noting the memory as the first time he ever took her breath with how beautiful his joy could be. She remembered how her chest had burst with pride at being able to make him laugh and smile like that, despite his pain. She noted now what she was too scared to admit then: there was little she wouldn’t do to protect his happiness.

It’s junior prom, and she’s posted against the wall with a bottle of water. Her date is a total jerk, and she’s hoping that maybe he’ll just leave. His departure would be better than pretending to enjoy herself anymore. She sees Cassian approaching her from her left. He looks so much more mature in his tux, half of his waves tied back in a knot at the back of his head.

“Hey, Archie. Where’s your date?”

She chuckles softly. “I don’t know. But I think I like it that way. He’s kind of the worst.”

Cassian frowns. “Well, he’s an idiot, then. Dance with me?” He extends his hand to her, palm up, and offers her a half-smile. He looks almost nervous, and her heart swells with affection for him.

“Always. You’re my favorite person here.”

She wiped the tears from her face, not sure of when she started crying. The feeling now so vivid; her favorite person. The truth of that statement refused to be downplayed. She shook her head, realizing it to be as accurate as ever.

It’s her sophomore year of college, and her friends are at a local bar celebrating the end of finals. She hasn’t been able to see them nearly as often this semester, and she’s enjoying their time together. At a certain point, a guy she doesn’t know gets awfully too comfortable with her, and he’s touching her all over. She tries to walk away, and he grips her arm tightly as she fights against him. He’s so much stronger than she is, but her brain can only focus on getting away from him. Just before the panic sets in, she sees two familiar figures approaching from the side. Faster than she can note what is really happening, Azriel is separating the guy’s hand from Nesta’s arm and is shoving him too easily away from her. She’s immediately wrapped in a tight hug, her face tucked tightly into Cassian’s chest. She inhales his scent as she steadies her breath, and she clutches the back of his shirt like a lifeline. She isn’t truly crying, but tears are starting to pool in her eyes from the sheer relief of being safe with him. He pulls back only as much as he needs to cup her face with his hands. His brow is deeply furrowed as he scans her face in that knowing way of his, and his lips form a tight line. He is painfully concerned. He is furious. He is fighting all of those things to remain even for her.

“Are you okay? Nes, please. Talk to me. Tell me you’re okay.”

”I’m okay.” Her response is quiet, robotic.

“He’s gone. Azriel took care of it.”

She was yearning for a sense of normalcy, the intensity of his care becoming too much. She resorts to humor as she usually does.

“I’m surprised. It’s usually you who runs straight to the front lines. Forever the hero.” She cracks a small smile, hoping it’ll comfort him.

He’s still holding her face in his large hands. He drops his gaze briefly as he shakes his head, and when he looks back at her face, he’s wearing an ironic sort of smile.

“All I could see was you.”

The memory knocked the breath out of her, having been so long since she had thought about it. She understood his meaning then, but it hit her with a renewed vigor now. She superseded his basic instincts to protect, eliminate the threat. When it came to her, he trusted no one else and had to personally ensure she was okay. He would throw himself between her and anyone or anything that threatened her, and he would do it happily. Her heart clenched as she thought about how no one else could have made her feel comfortable or calmed her under those circumstances. Another tear rolled down her cheek at how careless she had been with his heart and how much she had taken him for granted. At how much she had always lied to herself. Because she was feeling particularly masochistic, she entertained one last memory, her tears pouring.

Her mother is terminally ill, and the doctors believe she will leave them any day now. It’s 3 AM, and her phone rings. Her father tells her she’s gone, and she holds herself together until she hangs up the phone. She is panicking; can’t catch her breath. Her father is calling Elain and Feyre, and they are supposed to meet at his house when they can get themselves ready. She doesn’t know how she will face this. She can’t do it. She can’t do it. She Can’t. Do. It.

Her fingers work automatically, pressing Cassian’s contact and putting him on speaker phone. Holding it to her face seems too taxing, and her tears will smear all over the screen. He answers in two rings, his voice gravelly with sleep.

”Nes?”

Her only answer is a choked sob, followed by several attempts at catching her breath.

“Nesta. I’m on my way. Stay on the phone with me.”

She complies, finally mastering herself enough to say, “Momma” through her sobs.

“Nesta. Sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I’m in the truck now. Please stay with me.”

Everything else is a blur except for hearing him come through her door. He opens her bedroom door swiftly, obviously in a hurry to get to her. He leaves the bedroom light off, allowing the hallway lighting to be his guide to her. His weight is shifting the mattress next to her, and he’s leaning against the headboard. He easily pulls her into his lap, and she’s tucking her face into his neck as she cries. She curls her legs into herself, and he holds her for what feels like seconds and years. She feels something wet soaking into the shoulder of her t-shirt and realizes his tears are falling as well.

He drives her to her father’s once she’s ready, holding her hand the entire way. He never leaves her side the days following, through arrangements, the ceremony, and family visitations. He makes sure she eats on somewhat of a schedule because time is all an illusion to her. He sleeps on her couch every night for the couple of weeks following, knowing bedtime is the hardest time for her, and she won’t want to be alone. She is so touched by his dedication, and she isn’t sure she could do this life without him.

She cried for a long time, only recovering when she felt like she had nothing left to give. She was hardly surprised at the landslide of emotions tackling her considering she had been repressing them for the entirety of their friendship. It was now apparent to her what should have always been apparent: she was in love with Cassian.

She was in love with him, but she had been myopic for so long that she may have finally exhausted his love for her.

——————————————————————————

A/N: Well, here it is. We’re nearing the end of this one, and I’m excited to get the rest up for y’all. As always, your feedback/ comments are welcome! If you’d like to be tagged, feel free to message, comment, or reblog! I’ll be happy to add you to the tag list.

Tags are below!

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[sharada-n]

Febuwhump day 13 - Hiding an injury

Fandom: Left 4 Dead 2

Also fills @zehecatl‘s whump dialogue prompt

"Fuck, we should split up!"

Nick wasn't sure if the others had even heard him over the deafening roar of gunfire, but he had to take the risk. He saw Coach and Rochelle veer to the left, so turned right at the next corner himself. Heavy panting behind him indicated Ellis was following him.

They kept running, the muscles in Nick's leg started straining but he pushed forward until the sound of bullets was gone and it was only their own feet against the pavement. His lungs burned with the effort to keep going. They had to put as much leeway between them and the bastards as they could manage.

They finally came to a stop in an alleyway, the sudden silence eerie as it fell over them. The bandits' shouting had faded in the distance, and they probably wouldn't pursue a lone group of survivors this far, to begin with. Their supplies couldn't be worth that much trouble.

"Shit-" Ellis managed between deep inhales to catch his breath. "Haven't run that far since I did track back in high school."

Nick wheezed. "Yeah?" He was really starting to regret all those years he spent smoking with this whole apocalypse thing going on now.

The alley they had landed in was a backstreet between two brick buildings, made even narrower by the fire escape squeezed between. Nick straightened his back and was rewarded with a sharp pain shooting into his side.

He pressed a hand to the wound, feeling the slick warmth of blood. The stain would hardly be visible on his ruined suit, dirty from weeks of accumulated end of the world shit.

A ricochet wound. One of the bandit's bullets must have knicked him.

"So how do we get back to the others?" Ellis asked. He had been standing with his back towards Nick, and when he turned around to face him, Nick pulled his jacket over the injury.

They didn't have time for Ellis to fuzz over him right now.

"Let's see if we can get to higher ground, orient ourselves." Nick brushed the sweat-slick hair from his forehead. "Should be easy to spot our rendez-vous from the roof."

Ellis grinned at him. "Let's do it then."

"Damn Nick, you can see the whole city from up here."

Nick grunted, unable to answer at first through how hard he was grinding his teeth. The pain was getting worse.

But he forced himself to speak anyway. "Yeah? Can you see those pricks who were shooting at us?"

Ellis was leaning on the metal bar at the edge of the rood, the wind almost blowing his cap away. He held onto it with one hand.

"Nope, but I can see where we are supposed to head."

"Great, let's get the fuck out of here then." Nick couldn't wait to get back to the others. He was too old for this shit.

"Hey, Nick. You alright man?" Ellis was staring at him, scrutinizing his face with unusual consideration. Nick bit his tongue hard to keep from showing how much pain he was in.

"Just peachy once we get off this roof," he answered.

Ellis nodded and lead the way.

It couldn't be that far. It couldn't be. They had to be almost there.

He felt the sweat run down the back of his neck, not from exertion this time. Nick's hands kept shaking and he gripped the Glock tighter, feeling the strength in his fingers fade too.

How much blood had he lost?

The room was swaying side to side and he just stood there as Ellis searched the cabinets, pulling out a bottle of alcohol. "We could probably use this for a molly." He gestured at nick with the bottle.

Nick couldn't even find it in himself to respond. Nausea was creeping up his throat. He had realized a while ago that the wound might be a lot worse than he had judged it to be, but with no time to lose and no sense in putting themselves in any more danger by stopping and playing field medicine, he had pushed himself to bear it.

That wouldn't work much longer.

"Nick?" He realized too late that Ellis was talking to him. Probably had been for a while now. Nick had to blink just to focus. "Nick, what's happening?" A hand reached out for him.

"El-"

Then the world shifted and Nick was on his ass.

He didn't hit the ground as hard as he thought he'd have, which meant Ellis must have caught him halfway down. He was slumped against the ground and Ellis was pulling at his suit jacket. The bullet hadn't graced Nick, but rather hit him inches above the hip bone. It must have exited on the other side – Nick had enough experience to know when a heated piece of metal was still stuck inside him – but that hadn't helped with the bleeding.

Ellis cursed under his breath, untied the overall sleeves around his waist, and ripped off a piece to press against the oozing wound. Nick jerked as the pressure renewed the pain, but avoided kneeing Ellis in the face for his troubles. A cough suddenly forced its way out of his throat and he hadn't realized until then how hard it was to breathe.

"Nick, why didn't you say nothing!" Ellis was scolding him. At a time like this, and the kid was going to mother hen him. Nick laughed, but it was humorless and empty.

"Didn't want to be a bother."

Ellis frowned, every line on his face standing out between the dirt and blood smeared on it. His eyes were dark blue, like the ocean at low tide. When it all pulls back and reveals the white sand beneath the surface. But when Ellis grinned, they shone. "You pick now to stop being a selfish asshole?"

A coldness engulfed Nick's fingertips. He didn't want to think about how pathetic it was to be immune to a deadly pathogenic but then die in an apartment building because 911 is out of service.

He cleared his throat, tasting iron at the back of it. "This might be your last chance to say something to me, Kid. You should make it count," he said. "Or make it something nice at least."

Ellis' eyes grew wide. Suddenly wetness was pooling in them and they seemed even more like the ocean, brimming with tears. "Shut the fuck up, Nick. You're not- You're not supposed to say that."

"Yeah? I'm saying it anyway. Give me your best shot."

It wasn't meant to be a challenge but figures Ellis would take it as one anyway. For a moment he wasn't pressing down on the wound anymore, cold fingers coming up to trace Nick's face, cup his cheeks. The tears spilling from his eyes and getting caught in his lashes. "You're not dying, you asshole. Not when I haven't had a chance to tell you I loved you yet."

For once in his life, Nick was clean out of retorts. So instead he used the last remaining power in his limbs to bring up one hand and grab hold of Ellis' shirt, pulling him forward and down into a kiss. It was messy and hard and not very romantic, tasting of blood and despair. There was barely any oxygen between the two of them so it couldn't even last that long.

But it was a farewell kiss if Nick's ever had one.

He fell back against the wall, energy spent. The pain was unbearable, making dark spots dance in his vision. He gave into them at the same moment he heard Ellis call his name again.

Hours later Nick woke up with a splitting headache and the world's worst case of back pain. He couldn't move, a restricting bandage around his stomach making it even worse, but just enough to turn his head and look around.

Nick was already surprised enough to be waking up at all, but even more that he would do so in their safe room.

Rochelle and Couch were sitting against the opposite wall, her head resting on the big man's shoulder and a blanket had been thrown over the both of them to keep them warm. Nick felt palatable relief at seeing them safe and sound, though he hardly would show it.

He didn't need to be a genius to figure out what had happened. They had been close enough after all.

Ellis on his other side, trying hard to sit still but too busy fidgeting in the spot. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept all night.

"Did you stay up just to watch me?" Nick asked.

Ellis' eyes flew open, his face shifting rapidly between worry and then reassurance at seeing Nick awake. He wiped at his eyes, red-rimmed. "Just keeping an eye on you, 's all."

When Ellis smiled it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off Nick's shoulders.

Then the kid worried his lip between his teeth, turning suspiciously red. "Uh, are we gonna like... talk about what happened."

Ah, shit.

Nick tried to roll over onto his side but the wound wouldn't allow it. He closed his eyes instead. "I guess. Tomorrow. After you get some sleep."

"Right." Ellis nodded, looking away. Him blushing in a situation like this was almost cute, but that might just be the pain clouding Nick's mind.

That too could wait until tomorrow.

[anjanettexcordonia]

Ties That Bind

**Trigger Warnings** 

DARK DARK DARK 

-NSFW/Mental Health/Violence/Rape Minimal fluff if any at all tbh. 

***If you are sensitive to any of these please do not read. 

Pairing: Liam x MC, Liam x Riley, Drake x Olivia 

Word Count: 4,189 (I know its forever long but its worth it in my biased opinion) 

This is my first time writing any kind of fiction. I was inspired by all of you amazing writers! I received positive feedback on this chapter so I’m hoping you all like it too! Its very dark and very very twisted. I can not emphasize it enough. 

**READ WITH CAUTION**

Excuse any grammatical errors or misspellings. 

This will be a six part series. I do not have a timeline for when I will post. (I’m a mom & work full time) 

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

“Riley it’s time to go, My Queen.” Liam yells from the first floor of their quarters. “Drake & Olivia are already almost to Lythikos with our children and we are still at the palace! Let’s goooooo my love!”

Riley & Liam were preparing to head to their Valtorian Estate for a night before heading to the United States for a week long excursion at their Biltmore Estate in North Carolina. The Biltmore was their American private residence. Left to her after the death of her mother. They went twice a year just the two of them. Their children had never stepped foot on the property. Much less America. Riley hated America. She used the country only to satiate her needs. Her father and sister never visited the Biltmore Estate. Her father primarily lived in his penthouse in New York. Her sister never left their childhood home in the Hamptons. The Biltmore was hers to do with as she pleased. 

Riley and Liam make their way down to a blacked out Cadillac Escalade waiting for them in the Royal private exit of the garage. 

“Liam, let’s call Drake & Olivia one more time before we get to Valtoria. You know after tonight we won’t be communicating with anyone for a full week.” Riley winked at Liam. 

My God this woman is my everything. How did I survive without her? Liam thought. 

Liam pulls out his iPhone and scrolls to Olivia's name and hits call. 

“Yes your majesty,” Olivia purrs into the phone.

 “Hello Liv, just checking on the kids. You and Drake know Riley and I will be incognito for a week. Remember if it’s an emergency reach out to Hana and Maxwell. Do not contact us unless it’s literally life or death.” Drake yells through the phone, “Li we do this twice year every year since the first little squirt you two brought home. We got this. By the way what exactly do you guys do in America that you’ve never told us?” 

“This trio is a joy. They are perfectly fine. Uncle Max is on his way with Auntie Hana. This should be a Mary Poppins nightmare.” Olivia chuckled.

“It’s just our special time. Not as King and Queen of Cordonia but as husband and wife. That’s all.” Riley replies. Liam squeezing Riley’s thigh at her smirk, knowing full well that wasn’t exactly true. 

“Tell our babies we love them, and take care of and protect them while we’re gone. Don’t let Max feed them too much sugar. They will never sleep!”

Always,” Drake softly spoke, “Uncle Drake and Aunt Livvy are going to show them how fun we really are!” Ellie squeals in the background at her Uncle. 

Liam & Riley end the call with a sigh of relief. This trip was going to be catalyst. They both knew they were coming back to Cordonia forever changed. 

Three hours later Valtoria came into view. The sun was beginning to set over the cascading waterfall behind the large castle. Riley and Liam had been catching up on last minute emails before they arrived. They had an understanding between each other that during their two weeks a year no work was allowed. No cellphones other than 1 for emergencies only. No laptops no tablets of any sort. They completely unplug. 

Bastien stopped the suv in front of the large estate. Liam hopped out running around to hold the car door open for his wife. HIS Queen. 

Gladys met them outside the door. 

“Your majesties” Gladys dipped into a low curtsy. 

“Hello Gladys” Liam replied. Is everything ready for our stay tonight and departure in the morning?” 

“It is.” Is there anything else Your Majesty requests?” 

“No thank you Gladys.”  

As they walk towards the entrance of the large French Gothic style castle, Liam scoops Riley into his arms bridal style and walks her across the threshold. 

“Good night everyone. Gladys have our usual chicken tangine, apple butter bread, balava & chocolate cake left in the kitchen. Everyone is excused for the rest of the night.”

Gladys nodded her head at her King’s command and curtsied as he walked up the grand staircase. 

“Thank you, Gladys!” Riley yelled down at her. 

Gladys and Bastien both knew what that meant. Get out now. Do not come back until sunrise under any circumstances. Gladys and Bastien were the only two who knew. And also who knew why. 

Liam carried his bride to their suite. Their bedroom at Valtoria was protected. They had it modified during their engagement. No one was allowed entrance. Gladys was the only person granted entrance for 2 hours to clean after each visit. And only under the watchful eye of the Queen herself. This belonged to them. They maintained this room. Not staff. Not like the palace. 

The entrance of the door was built almost as a panic room. A large heavy blast proof door protected the entrance. A Handprint scan of both the King and Queen were the only way of access to their master suite. That entire room was reinforced. It was safe. Nothing and no one was coming through to hurt them. If they ever needed protection, this is where they would bring their family. For now, it wasn’t for their family. It was a source of healing and triumph. It was terror and torture. It was love and pain. 

Most of the other service members believed they were simply paranoid. Ruling a country you had a right to be paranoid, is what they told themselves when they walked by the master suite. Some were curious about what was behind that heavy steel door. No one ever attempted to sneak peek. They knew better. No one could explain it, as the king and Queen were very kind and fair people, there was a vibe or an energy that everyone could feel from them. It was uncomfortable. Sometimes there was no emotion from either of them. Hollow blank stares & flat monotone voices. That rarely happened. And when it did, their week vacation was close. Whatever they did during those 2 weeks out of the year made them better each time. 

🍈

Liam flashes his million dollar smile down at his wife as they enter. His manhood already dancing in its confines. They enter their bedroom and swiftly close the door.  Their bedroom in Valtoria is for them. And them only. No one including their children are granted access. And for good reason. The master suite of Valtoria has a large four-poster bed. Above the bed hung a large medal bar suspended from the ceiling with leather arm straps. arm and ankle straps hung from each corner of the bed. The walls were adorned with shelves of Belts, gags, riding crops and rope. There were shelves of weapons large & small daggers and swords. 

The walls were a deep maroon. It was still exceptionally regal but with a darker contrast. This is not a place most people would be comfortable walking into. Most people except the King & Queen of Cordonia. 

Liam kicked the door shut with a force that made the door trim rattle. He tossed his Queen on to the bed, climbing on top of her. He pulled her full lips into his mouth and breathed her in. He could never get enough of her. How did he survive without her? Without her touch? Her voice? Her scent? He never needed anyone except her. Only her. Forever her. No one could calm him like she could. She was his safe house and his haven. He could do things with and to her no one else could understand. Her crystal blue eyes darkened into the depths of the ocean only for him. He knew her. He was her. They were one. Not only in marriage but spirit and soul. They were connected. 

Riley stared up at her husband taking in every perfect feature and every invisible flaw, only flaws she could see. Only flaws she could love. She understood him. She never had to ask why. She was never afraid. It was Game, Set, Match the first time she locked eyes with his deep dark painful eyes. She could sense him before she ever knew him. Her long honey blonde hair pooled around her head as she sank into his fiery kiss. He was the only man she ever willingly kissed. The only man she allowed to ever touch her body. He worshipped her. He was her breath. She couldn’t breathe without him filling her lungs. He filled the deepest parts of her. Parts only he knew existed. Parts that were created not born. Evil. In every sense of the word. 

Fourteen Year Old Riley. 

“Mother, why are you crying?” Riley watches her mother standing in her large walk-in closet pouring herself another drink. 

“Just go away Katherine Riley.” Ashley sighed. Riley could her the sadness in her voice. Usually her mother just ignored her. 

“Mother I..I.. I think it’s best we all stay at school for the summer this year.” 

“I SAID GO THE FUCK AWAY! WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?”

Riley felt the sting of tears in her eyes and she quickly turned to walk away. 

“Wait Katie” Ashley sighed. “It’s time we had a conversation. You're old enough now & after the things you’ve seen and heard throughout your life, it won’t come as much of a surprise to you, I believe.” Riley turned around. Eyeing her mother not sure what to make of this conversation. 

“Your father & I had what you would call an arranged marriage per se. People of our status in life, it’s not uncommon. We dated some. A short while I suppose. Coming from the families that we do it’s important to ensure that our wealth will always continue to grow, we married after a few months of dating.” Ashley took a long sip of her gin & tonic. “To our parents' delight. Not ours. Not mine.”

“Immediately after we married things changed. I was a virgin & I wasn’t ready yet. I wanted to love my husband first. He stole that from me in the most horrific of ways. And you were the product of that. When I look at you, that’s all I see. I see violence, blood and stolen innocence. Each of your siblings were the products of the same. Violent and brutal attacks. Each time left me broken. After the last assault he shattered my pelvis and ruptured my cervix. I can no longer bear children. That’s all each of you are to me. Your father is evil. An evil which you’ve never known. Next time he will kill me. I’m leaving tonight.” 

Riley stood stunned. Trying to wrap her mind around what this woman in front of her has told her. She couldn’t understand. She knew her father tortured her mother. She had her the screams and the slams at night. She saw the blood stained carpets and walls in the stairwell in their Hamptons beach house. She knew her father was evil. All too well. Ashely has no idea the hell her children had been going through. He tormented them as well. He would sneak into her room in the middle of the night when the screams finally ended and watch her. Her brothers never spoke of their trauma but she knew it was there. 

“Can we come with you Mother?”

“No.”

“Can you wait until after my birthday? It’s tomorrow Mother?” 

Riley wasn’t sure why that memory had flashed through her mind. She furrowed her brows in confusion. 

“What is it Riley?” 

“I was thinking of the night before he killed her. Random I guess.” Liam leaned down and kissed her forehead. 

“My King” Riley sighed, holding his forearms in her grasp. 

“Yes My Queen?” 

“Are we prepared for our return to the estate?” She asked, leaning into to bite his shoulder as he hovered over. 

“We are. Our gifts are already waiting for us. They were delivered this morning. They are being fed and groomed as we speak my love. I’m ready for our warm-up before the real work begins.” 

Riley’s stomach groaned. 

“I’m ready. We can eat when we’re finished.” 

🍋

Liam pulled Riley to her feet. He tugged her top above her head. He was thankful she wasn’t wearing a bra. He leaned down taking a taut pink nipple in his mouth, swirling his tounge until it was a hardened peak. He showed the same attention to the other nipple. Riley pulled Liams t-shirt over his head. She always worshipped her playground. She licked her way between each sculpted ab. Liam gripped her hair as she slid his sweatpants to the floor. She leaned on her knees engulfing his engorged length in her mouth while she swirled her tongue all the way down his shaft.  She slowly eased him out of her mouth and stood back up. 

“Fuck Riley” 

“I just needed to taste you my King.” 

Liam bit his bottom lip as he pulled her sweatpants down. Leaving her lacy black thong on her hips. 

They walked hand in hand to the large bathroom. The bathroom sleek and modern. Liam felt the warmth of the heated floors on his feet as he lifted his Queen into the tub. He grabbed a bottle of baby oil off the counter. He poured a generous amount into his hands and covered Riley’s body in oil. He gently lifted her from the tub carrying her back to the bedroom. He climbed the small steps on to the bed standing on the mattress. Riley lifted her arms into the arm straps suspended from the high ceiling. Baby oil kept her skin protected and also made it more of a challenge for them. 

Once she was firmly secured into the arm and ankle restraints with only the medal bar for her to grip onto, Liam stepped off the bed. 

“My Queen, what pray tell interests you tonight?” 

“Torture me Liam” 

“As you wish my Queen, safe word?” 

“Celeste My King” 

Liam smirked at her chosen safe word. Oh Celeste will know who her king is too when we’re finished with her. Won’t she my Queen? 

Liam grabbed a riding crop from the wall and smacked Riley hard across her bare ass. Thong still in place. Riley winced as she heard the crack of the crop against her slick skin. 

“Please my king” 

“Shut up, you don’t speak until I tell you to open your filthy mouth for me” 

Smack. Smack. Smack. 

Liam pulled a small dagger from the bedside table. The handle adorned with red rubies in the shape of W & K. King William Constantine Rhys & Queen Katherine Riley Vanderbilt Rhys. 

He ran the dagger along her torso up to her neck tracing old subtle scars. 

“Open your mouth baby” Liam whispered. 

Riley opened her mouth. She could feel her core pooling. Moisture threatening to drip down her thighs. 

Liam slid the dagger over her flattened tongue flipping it over in her mouth. He slid the dagger down her chin to her throat. He pressed the dagger more firm into her skin causing her blood to bubble to the surface. He sliced gently to her belly button. Riley wincing in pain but loving the feel of cold dagger dragging down her flesh. 

Liam knelt to his knees and clasped his mouth around her nub. Still holding the dagger against her thigh as he gripped her. He dragged the knife across her sex and sliced her underwear in two. 

Liam delved his fingers into her sex as hard as he could. He swirled his tongue around clit. Liam pumped and curled his fingers in out of her fast and hard. His rock hard length dripping precum. 

More Liam Don’t stop.” Riley screamed. 

Hearing Riley scream made Liam abruptly stop completely. Fingers still inside her, Liam pulled his head back to look up at her. 

“Did I tell you to speak?” 

Sliding his fingers out, Liam grabbed the crop and slapped it hard across her dripping pussy. 

“You speak when I say. Next time I won’t be as calm with you.” 

“Fuck you Liam” Riley screamed, Venom dripping from her lips. She was seething at his refusal of her release she so desperately needed. 

Riley covered in welts from the crop and dried blood across her torso, Liam unhooked each restraint. 

“What the fuck Liam? We aren’t finished playing.” 

Liam slapped her hard across the face with the crop. Riley’s head falling to her shoulder. Fire burned in Liams eyes as he watched the blood drip down the corner of her mouth. Riley reached for the dagger as Liam crashed his mouth onto hers. Riley could taste a mixture of copper and salt on his tongue. 

Riley dragged the dagger across Liams thigh drawing a bit of blood. She reached the hair on the nape of his neck and pulled hard. Liams neck snapped as she slid the dagger across his jugular. 

She dragged the dagger across his chest, ripping his chest open watching the blood drip down his chest to his abdomen. 

Liam has enough. He needed her now. He had everything he needed from her. He pulled her into his taking the dagger from her and throwing it on the floor. The slight scabs that had formed from the congealing blood on her sternum ripped open with friction of their bodies rubbing together. Liam slammed Riley into the bed. He grabbed her ankles and spread her as far as apart as he could before slamming his hard cock into her waiting center. 

Riley screamed in pain and satisfaction. Her manicured nails digging into back as deep as she could grasp him. 

“I’m not holding back My Queen.” 

Liam pumped into her hard and fast. He put one hand on her stomach pressing down, the other hand securing her leg as he continued to massage her walls. 

Riley ran her fingers across the dripping blood mixed with sweat. She slid her bloody fingers into her mouth eyeing Liam. 

Liam leaned his head down and licked the blood pooling between her breasts and crashed his lips into hers. He felt Riley’s wall fluttering knowing she was close. His cock tightened as she came underneath him. Liam wrapped his hand around her neck and squeezed as his thrust became frantic. Riley’s eyes were wide seeing the power and fire in his eyes. 

Riley tried to say Celeste. She couldn’t breathe. He was choking the life out of her without even realizing it. He was pumping hard concentrating on his thrusts as his cock disappeared in and out of her glistening walls. 

“I. can’t. let. go. Riley.” Liam spoke between breaths. 

Riley understood. He physically couldn’t let her go. Even if he did kill her. It wasn’t malice or hate. This was raw pure love. This is what he needed from her. From his wife. And this is what she needed. She needed him to bring her to the brink of life and pull her back at the same time. This was them. 

Liam found his release deep within her. He released her neck right as everything went black. Riley’s eyes fluttered open with a satisfied grin on her face. 

“I love you so much my Queen.”

“I love you Liam.“

They laid together on their white silk sheets breathless. Both of their minds running towards the following week. 

“We should get cleaned up my love. We’ve made quite the mess I suspect.” Liam whispered. 

They both slowly rose from the cloud like confines in a state of stupor.

They made sure to always have white sheets to see every drop they spilled from each other. They’re bodies marked from each other’s carnal pleasure. A release unlike any they’ve shared with anyone else. 

“My King you did well. Let’s leave the sheets for tonight.” 

“Very well my Queen. I’m not finished with you yet. We will have a week before our next release.”

The dawn crept through they’re tightly drawn curtains. Riley stretched reaching for her husband but found his side of the bed cold. Riley slowly rose from the bed. Still naked and marked from their endless night. Riley made her way to the shower to find Liam soaking in the tub. 

“Join me?” 

Riley slid in front of him feeling the sting from her open wounds that covered her body. 

“We have a long flight to states in an hour. Are you ready for this Riley?” 

“Liam It’s time. It’s time to take off our masks and savor the tastes of revenge. Of freedom.” 

“This is our last time. We need to take our time with them. Please don’t make it too quick like last time with Madeline.” 

“My king, I take offense.” Riley huffed. “I gave you the release you craved with Madeline. Her life was a sweet release for me.” 

An hour later the King and Queen bordered their private jet to American hand in hand. 

Biltmore Estate

“I can’t believe I’m doing this for these twisted fucks. Fucking monarchs just get to do whatever they want with whomever they want.” Anthony muttered to himself. 

Anthony was the groundskeeper. He took care of everything for his King and Queen during their stays. And they paid him handsomely. He primarily resided at the estate to maintain the grounds as well as the estate itself. The estate held many secrets that he was tasked to solely hold. 

“Please” a raspy voice called out. 

“Shut up Celeste. Your King is on his way.” 

Celeste let a muffled cry as she heard the bars slam shut. 

“I’ll be back to get you cleaned up when I’m finished with Ashley and Amelia.” 

The private jet landed at the airport in Raleigh North Carolina. Liam and Riley made their discreetly to an SUV meant to take them to their estate. 

“Your majesty King Liam” Anthony bowed. 

Liam rushed in. “Hello Anthony, you are dismissed. I’ll need the keys to the Bowels please. Our gifts are secure and ready I presume?” 

“Yes your majesty, they have been cleaned, fed, and await you. I will take my leave now.” 

Riley waited in the suv until Anthony left. She couldn’t maintain a stoic facade during their times away. She spotted Anthony’s car pull away from the estate headed to the servants quarters. Riley rushed out and straight to Liam pulling him into a lustful kiss. They made their way to the nicknamed Bowels, a cellar that has been retrofitted with cells. They hold Liam and Riley’s victims as well as their aggressors. 

“Wait Liam, why is Anton here?” 

Riley looked on the computers outside the cellar doors in the security room. They were only supposed to have 3 women. She didn’t understand. What was Liam up to? 

Liam smirked. Suddenly a loud knocking was coming from the front doors. They glanced down at the monitors. Riley’s eyes widened when she saw the fiery red hair standing in front of the cameras. 

“Liam uh where are our children? Please...” 

“Riley. They are with Max and Hana in Lythikos. Leo will be there soon to help with them as well.  Don’t worry my love. Now to explain about Drake and Liv. They needed to see the truth. About them, about us. I’m ready to share parts of our true selves with the family we created.” 

Riley nodded. She was not in a teaching mood. 

“Private now Liam.” 

“What Riley? What’s the problem?” 

“The problem? How can we be US with them? I’m not here to teach them how to become sociopaths like us Liam. Fuck.” 

“Relax baby.” Liam only used the baby pet name when he was confident in his prowess. 

“Fine. They better not fuck this up and I’m not holding back.” 

The two couples made their way to the cellar door. Liam held Riley’s hand while he unlocked the door. The electronic key and palm scanner both sprang green in sequence. Drake and Liv quickened their breath. 

“We have a ritual guys if you don’t mind standing back. And you can join if you like.” Riley calmly stated. 

Liam and Riley stripped naked. Liam pushing Riley against the cellar door in a hungry kiss. Liv admired the marks and scars the two in front of her were covered in. Some old, some new. She was intrigued. Drake’s breath quickened. They joined their best friends in the nude. Liam and Riley glanced behind them noticing Liv and Drake in the same fashion. None of them faced with the pain they had felt at sometime or the other. The abuse. The abuse that twisted them into who they were. Not who they had become. 

The door opened. Celeste gasped seeing her half brother, sister in law, the scarlet duchess & the commoner walking through the door naked. Celeste had no idea what circle of hell she was about to enter. Nor that there were others destined to meet the same fate she would soon come to meet. At the hands of her King and his Queen. 

“Hello Cece” Liam laughed in a voice unrecognizable to the others in the group yet all too familiar to his wife. 

The demons have come out to play.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

This is awkward

Summary: could u maybe do a reddie x daughter where she gets her period, but wants to hide it from richie and eddie bc they’re guys, so she steals richie’s phone and calls bev for help. but like as she goes over to bevs house (maybe they live close) richie and eddie think she’s missing or lost and they freak out? i just feel like that’s such a reddie situation lmao

warnings: period talks 

In retrospect, she really should have seen it coming. All the signs they taught you about in health class presented themselves full force, from having abdominal pain and a bloating stomach after eating a cracker, to using the bathroom more than she usually has to. 

Never the less, it remained a shock when she wakes up at five in the morning to searing throbbing in her lower abdomen that leaves her helplessly whriting. The clock strikes six am at the exact moment she groans, curling her body into a fetal position and covering her stomach with her arms.

She lays still for a while, tossing and turning in an effort to find a pose that won’t hurt, but nothing helps, and so she decides to go to the medicine cabinet and fish out medication to reduce the ache. In order to do that, she removes the heavy silk comforter off her body, and shivers as her temperature reduces from the added coldness that sticks in the room. It’s nearing summer time, so the sun is gleaming up every last detail of the room even at six o’clock, rendering the lightbulb hanging from the ceiling useless.

She gets up, and as soon as turns around to readjust the comforter out of the corner of her eye she spots a red blood stain, soaked into the covers of her one person bed. Ellie’s first instinct is, embracingly enough, to cry, the sight of blood leaving her squeamish and ready to do whatever it takes to get rid of it.

Her pain tolerance is high, but the second a blotch of blood presents itself anywhere near or on her, it needs to be removed point black.  

It clicks in her mind what this situation means and what the logical explanation is, but she’s still in a daze that allows her to calmly rip the covers of the bed an paddle downstairs to the washing area, carefully avoiding to touch the blood itself, free of any panic or discomfort, beside the continues stabbing sneers. Only after disposing of the covers in the washing machine and shutting it with a small click, she sobers up and worries.

Ellie grabs a towel of a mountain of dry-cleaned clothes that Richie was ordered to organize room by room but forgot after a last minute stand up show the night before and wraps it around her middle. The towel specifically is her favorite, colored blue with the animations of winx club printed upon it, as a child her favorite cartoon show, with her name embroider on the top thanks to her uncle Mike. A trait she copied from Richie was that she lost stuff so much that Eddie got sick of it and started writing her name on article of clothes and shoes so that if someone found it they returned it to the right person, and because at the time Mike was practicing embroidery, he sowed her name in the towel as a gift.

The edges of the towel are worn out and frayed, but the texture is soft to the touch and smells like sunscreen, in a way tied to a few of Ellie’s preferred treasured memories. It’s the only at hand though, and time is of the essence, and she wants to wants desperately to avoid any more blood spillage.

Scanning the floor while hurrying to a bathroom Ellie cautions that she stays upright and doesn’t hit her toe against the doorframe like she idioticly does time and time again. She reaches the bathroom she unlocks the door from its hinches and opens it soundlessly, her parents lost in dreamland a door over. She feels weirdly docile about the whole thing, not at all trembling or making rash decision like she foresaw whenever she thought of this moment. The bathroom door shuts behind her, and she silently awaits for any sound to emerge from Eddie and Richie’s bedroom, but none materialize, thankfully.

At that point, there’s not much she can do. The house is empty of anything remotely resembling pads, with Richie and Eddie not needing them and Ellie hadn’t required them so far either.

Having two fathers is a blessing that Ellie is magnificently proud of, and most of the time she forgets that core families usually exist of one father and a mother. Richie and Eddie fill up any void that a mom could possibly leave behind, and so she is often oblivious that her home situations isn’t ‘normal’. There is nothing that a mother adds that Richie and Eddie don’t provide her, but maybe this is the one exception.

Ellie learned about menstrual cycles and how to deal with them via sex ed in school, but at home not a word was ushered about this. Unintentional no doubt, since Richie took it upon himself to bring up as much cringe-worthy conversations to shy her away from trying anything stupid. She never brought the topic up, and it must have slipped from Richie and Eddie’s mind too.

She debates waking up Richie and Eddie to drive her to the store, but it’s too early for that, the sops opens at nine, and there honestly sounds nothing worse but rousing her fathers for something like a period.

Richie will joke, and Eddie will research the whole thing down to the smallest details to aid her with all the knowledge found on the internet, but what she would really benefit from is a girl simply explaining the whole thing to her.

The solution literally falls in her lap, as Ellie accidentally knocks over the parfum Beverly left behind last time she visited. Aunt Bev and uncle Ben live two streets away, in a giant modern home they fosters pets in, at the edge of a forest.

They reside there any time they aren’t on their boat travelling around the world, but with Beverly six months into her pregnancy, they swore to not go on any outings up to the birth of their very first child.

Both Ben and Bev work every weekday, but if Bev is home, she’ll be happy to help, Ellie is certain. She should call first, to let Bev know she was on her way and to ensure Bev won’t contact the police on her, a figure appearing out of the blue early morning might not present well. The only problem with that is that Ellie’s phone was dropped in the water of a bath, cracking the phone’s screen from the hard landing and drenching it in water, causing all the phone’s functions to give out.

Calling aunt Bev is only an option if Ellie locates a phone, and her best bet on that is her pops.

Richie obsesses over his phone, and while he says that’s not the case, Eddie humorously hid it once and it send Richie in such a frenzy he explored the whole house top to bottom and discarded any and all cabinets to locate it.

Eddie chides the overexercise usage and resorts to conking Richie over the head if he dares to divided his attention to it for over ten minutes, but it’s all in a loving way, Eddie wouldn’t ever dream of hurting Richie.

A compromise was formed, Richie promising to leave his phone unattended on the bedside table at the end of the bed, and Eddie dialing down his complaints. The phone can’t ramify it’s toxic radiation from that far, but it’s close enough that the alarm clock rouses them up if necessary.

Invading Richie and Eddie’s bedroom is a dangerous game to play at, Eddie’s hearing out of this world with precision and picking up on the smallest, barely there clamor, but assisted with a tad of luck, Ellie might be able to evade waking them. After all, she’d rather get caught sneaking in, than having to provide a valid reason she ought to shop.

------

The clock strikes eight a.m. when Richie stirs awake, the light streaming through the window in such a way it glistens directly in Richie eyes, and in order to avoid it he swivels around on his stomach. His arm covers Eddie side, snoring loudly right net to his ear. Huffing out a laugh, Richie retracts his arm to cover his eyes from the sun that maliciously demands him to wake.

Eddie sniffles, his hand lifting in search for Richie and sighing happily when his fingertips bump against Richie’s shoulder, tugging his arm back in position.

‘Too early’, he grumbles, smacking his lips to rid himself of his dry mouth and burying his head further into his pillow. Richie laughs, kissing his husbands bare shoulder and readjusting Richie’s shirt he’s wearing after.

Weekends are a synonymous with rest and sleep, but Richie starts the day bright and fresh anyway, cooking a giant breakfast with Ellie to lure Eddie out of bed under the guise of food.

It strikes Richie as odd that Ellie’s not up and about it yet, he strains to hear any movement in the house but he comes up empty.

‘Aren’t you gonna make me breakfast, babe?’ Eddie asks his lips curled in a teasing smile, accustomed to their morning routine.

‘Sure thing Eds’, Richie says gooey, slobbering a kiss on the first part of Eddie he can reach, his temple, knowing that Eddie revolts the thought of kissing without brushing teeth first.

‘Wait I was kidding come back,’ Eddie whines, outstretching his arms to stop Richie from getting up but failing.

‘You’ll be so much happier when the food’s ready, trust me. I’m going to wake our munckin up too.’

He steps away from the bed, pulling his shirt, bunched up thanks to the wild gestures he performs in his sleep, down in the meanwhile and yawns so wide his jaw protests.

His limbs feel lose and relaxed of waking up not so soon ago, and they seem to be begging Richie to crawl back under the cover and cuddle with Eddie some more, but tour life stretched itself through all the aspects of Richie’s life these past months, and he really long for some time to spend with his daughter.

As he stumbles blindly, his hand scours the miniature table, but the only thing he can find are his glasses, neatly tucked away in what must have been Eddie’s doing after Richie zonked out.

At first he thinks he missed it, but then his glasses help him see clearly, and he notices that the phone is no longer there.

‘Hey, Eds?’

The only answer he receives is a grunt, muffled by the blankets Eddie hides under.

‘Did you hide my phone again?’ Richie asks, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Eddie shakes his head without looking up, napping on.

‘Huh’, Richie responds, deciding to let Eddie wake at his own terms. He probably ditched the phone somewhere and is drawing blank on where it could be, but it’ll be found again soon. With a deflated shrugs, Richie leaves the room to wake up his daughter, excited like a kid on Christmas to rope her into mischief.

Eddie huffs, forcing the blanket of off him and screwing his eyes open, scratching at a spot on his back that insistently itched all night.

Soon, Ellie will run in with coffee, with a meticulous steady head so none of it spills, and announce that breakfast is prepared. Some of it will be burned, other things will be so delicious Eddie will look forward to it every day of the week till he eats it again. Regardless of how good the food is, the most important thing is that it’s family time, and that no interruption or distractions occur but the laughter and unprovoqued leering both Richie, Ellie and Eddie gathered throughout the week.  

Eddie smiles contently, resting his eyes a tad longer and imagining the inviting warm smell flowing up from downstairs. What he gets instead is frantic running up the stairs, loud thuds that rattle the foundation and follow each other quickly, subsequently followed by the bedroom door ricocheting of it’s hinges.

The urgency behind it spooks Eddie, who scrambles out of bed before Richie manages to utter a word.

‘Ellie’s not here.’

----

‘Thank you for helping me aunt Bev’, Ellie reinforces Bev, who brought out mint tea and joined her on the sofa to watch tv.

The movie provided background noise to the conversation they previously held, Ellie a little intimidated otherwise.

‘Any time honey you know this.’

Bev smiles brightly enough that her pearl white teeth show, her hair in a braid swiped over her shoulder, she radiates happiness to a degree Ellie has never seen.

‘I love dad and pops, I do, but you know how they get’, Ellie grimaced, his hands twisting nervously in the hem of the shirt she wormed herself in on the way here. A laugh bubbles out of Bev, already nodding her head.

‘They mean well but yes. I’m glad you confided in me.’ On instinct, Ellie dropped her hand down to pet the soft fur of Ben and Bev’s dog, a lifelong companion to them but also to her. She swiped nothing but air, Ben took the dog on a walk in the park, leaving the two girls to discuss thing among themselves. It was sad she didn’t get a chance to say hi to them, but she figures she’ll visit again later.

‘I really should get going,’ Ellie starts, her hand enclosing the plastic bag filled with supplies Bev landed her gracefully. ‘Pops and I love arranging breakfast, so I should really get home before they wake up to me not hanging around the house.’

Bev blinked innocently, surprise grazing her features. ‘Well, it is nine am, will they not be awake yet?’

‘It’s not that late yet is it?’ Bev’s phone rings loudly, startling Ellie out of her stupor. Even from her angle on the phone, she deciphers her pops names before Bev announce that it’s Richie.

‘Oops’, Ellie mutters, grimacing as the severity of the situation begins to down on her. She’s in big trouble now. Accepting the call, Bev puts in on speaker, a hand apologetically stroking Ellie’s arm conveying that yes, Bev’s sorry, but Ellie might get killed today.

‘Beverly’, Eddie distraught voice shakes through the microphone. A sinking stone weighs Ellie down, flushed with guilt, she hadn’t thought she’d be here so long, she only counted a five minute drop by.

‘Do you know where Ellie is? She’s not in her room or in the backyard either.’ In the background something smashes to the floor, in addition to cursing that sounds more like roaring, and Richie running out.

‘I really think she snatched my cellphone. Maybe she called someone to pick her up?’

Bev attempts to capture their attention goes unheard, the bickering between Eddie and Richie hardly begun.

‘I fucking told you Richie, dump the goddamn phone so much.’

‘How the fuck is that my fault? It has nothing do with that’, Richie argues frustrate, it’s obvious from the way he snapped back at Eddie he is equally as overwrought as Eddie.

‘You’re right, it’s mine. I’ve pushed her away by being to hands on. I should have given her more freedom to do what she wanted and I-‘

‘Eddie no. I honestly don’t think there’s anyone less strict as you. You remember when she was ten and she asked for two ice creams in a row and you just gave them to her because we were on a vacation?’

‘Stop dad. Pop’s right, I’m not running away for fuck sake’, Ellie yells out eventually, frustrated by the conversations taking place.

‘Ellie?’ A chair is pushed back and screeches across the floor, intending on the floor Eddie hammered on about being careful on.

‘Stay where you are, we’re on our way.’ Richie grounds out, seizing hold of his jacket and racing to the car. The connection then severs and dead silence is left in its wake.

‘Good luck with that.’

----

Though Bev, Ben, Eddie and Richie live nearby, Ellie is shocked by the fast response as the car halts not fully parked, Eddie and Richie jumping out in pajama’s.

Bev opened the door, so they waltz right on it without regarding Bev, seizing Ellie in a close knit hug both Richie and Eddie participate in.

‘Don’t you ever, ever scare us like that again. You hear me?’ Richie threatens, his words crackling with relief that his daughter is fine.

‘I’m sorry, I won’t. I honestly thought I would be back before you knew it.’

‘Why are you here in the first place?’ The family remains close, Eddie’s hand holding Ellie’s forearm loosely.

A blush shoots up her cheeks, coloring them bright red at the question. 

‘Yeah about that, Is it not enough for me to promise to never do this again?‘

[cartoonfangirl1218]

PetraxLuisa Headcanons

Sort of inspired by a brief convo thread with @bisexual-dragon-queen queen but that Petra and Luisa have so much in common and it would sort of been cool to see how they interacted together, and maybe put Petra with someone with whom she had less baggage than that Petramos gaslighting breakup/makeup mess in season 5. So here goes..

It all began when Luisa visited the Marbella more often to see the nieces and nephew that she hadn’t gotten to see in many years and connect with them. She often took over for the nannies because she wanted one on one time. With that, Petra apologizes for the time she allowed Luisa to stay in asylum and for scheming to take her shares which Luisa forgives as part of her road to a better path now that she is no longer interested in money. Petra even muses that Luisa was the reason she had inseminated herself in the first place, implying that Rafael was still in love with her and all, so she inadvertently led to three accidental children. This made Luisa feel a bit bad, even though Petra assured her that it was the best mistake because she loved her girls, but Luisa still cringed to think of all the drama and stress she caused her brother. Which Petra reminded her, she was not the only one. She, (Petra) inseminated herself, initially defended her mother and twin, repeatedly tried to steal shares from Rafael among a host of other things. And they sort sympathize with the feeling of being a screw up. At least in Rafael’s eyes, and how things are better now, but that sometimes it still felt like Rafael expects them to slide back to their old habits and mistakes. Which is real judgmental in hindsight considering that Rafael went into his dark place several times, blew them off when it suited him, and still sticks in Petra’s heart that he hadn’t noticed her twin was impersonating her while she was freaking petrified. Anyway with that common, they find the other things they have in common too. Like the toxic relationships they tried to cut. The feeling of being ignored or treated as wrong and paranoid (especially in Luisa’s case), feeling isolated when all they want is family to support them. They talk about discovering their sexuality and how it has sometimes affected the way people treat them. Luisa starts to admire Petra’s sheer strength of will, how she sets goals and achieves them. How in control and self confident she is as a businesswoman and hotel manager. But she also admires Petra’s vulnerability, the few times the mask slips in front of her. Especially when it comes to family. How loyal Petra she is to those she loves and her girls. Petra appreciates how Luisa tries to make amends for her past mistakes, that she is always trying to move forward even when the past rears it’s ugly head, something she finds all to relatable. She likes passionate Luisa is in anything. In her family, in her spiritualism, in sexual fantasies She likes how Luisa tries to see the best in everyone, how she is open, something Petra wishes she could be like. She also admires Luisa’s loyalty to others even when it is to the detriment to herself and so she tries to help her become more self assured to go after what she wants and set healthy boundaries.

Then slowly, that admiration turns to love and they start to fall. Luisa is nervous because, what the hell, wouldn’t it be weird if she started dating her brother’s ex wife. It’s enough with the crazy family relationships. What if she’s too “unstable” for Petra? Meanwhile Petra couldn’t care less about Rafael’s reaction. She is worried about Luisa. What if this is just a rebound thing after JR? She doesn’t want to hurt Luisa if this is just her, (Petra), being lonely for a relationship. But none of those thoughts stop them when it comes to their first kiss. The girls are asleep, they talk a bit about their lives, the kind of talk that goes all night about anything and everything, and it just happens. It is passionate, it is tender, and it just feels right. They have a talk right after that steamy make out session, Luisa balking that it must be lack of sleep, but Petra admits she had been harboring some feels for a while (and some dreams but that’s not the point now) and so they talk. They talk about their fear for why they shouldn’t but decide they want to try. While Luisa is jobless, she stays with the girls a lot. Having their own fashion shows and teaching them about crystals and other things from her shaman as well as random medical school facts, and being the cool aunt she always knew she could be. Even if Petra warns her about not spoiling them and trying out being the disciplinarian.  

Luisa gets Petra to play more by showing her, and the girls the childhood games that Petra hadn’t had the luxury of doing when she was younger. Like in a spirited game of tag even though it messes up her pristine silk shorts. Luisa adores making Petra laugh until she’s breathless and see her carefree. One of the few fights they have is when Petra becomes controlling in making sure that Luisa doesn’t relapse. When waiters ask if Luisa wants wine, Petra will immediately say no before Luisa could answer herself. Luisa appreciates that Petra is trying to look out for her but she doesn’t have to coddle her. In order to be healthy and set boundaries, she has to be the one to do it. She has the self control. Luisa confides in Petra the nightmares she still has from her kidnapping by the Germans and being hit with steel pipes and Petra tells her of her kidnapping by and murder of Roman Zazo, something she hadn’t told anyone but the police and her mother. 

They both commiserate about their mother figures and how they wish it could have been better, and they assure themselves they won’t end up like them. Luisa comforts Petra especially as there are days when she still feels that she is an inherently bad person, that she will fail her girls and Luisa reminds her how far she has come and that she will never be like her mother because she cares about her kids and she cares in general. Petra comforts Luisa in turn about the feeling of becoming paranoid and gaslighted, and no one believing or caring and how isolating it is and how no one should feel that way.

They both get explore bondage and roleplaying, and take turns being tops. Luisa quickly got into her inner dominant which made Petra melt in more ways than one. But when it comes to cuddling, Petra is on top. She loves being the big spoon, and getting to hold Luisa in her arms protectively. 

Petra is such a dork once they start dating. Loving gazes when she wasn’t looking, pushing instead of pulling the door, accidentally quoting song lyrics and imaging them in rom com situations, that’s sort of thing. Luisa had always been more open when she’s in love so sometimes Petra would catch Luisa staring at her lovingly, like she’s the only one in the world and her heart just stops, and her breath catches in her throat. She can’t believe that she could inspire such a look by just being herself doing some mundane thing as paperwork. But she does with Luisa. Luisa showers Petra with the non-sexual physical affection she had been missing all her life though it took a talk as Luisa learned about Petra’s abusive exes and how they were the reason she was instilling the idea of physical boundaries-“do not touching bodies without consent,”  etc. Luisa respects that and starts slow before diving into the surprise PDA, hand holding, pulling her to dance, whispers inappropriate suggestions, playing with her hair etc. Luisa was also delighted when she found out Petra was ticklish despite the long held poker face. She cracked when Luisa found her knees. 

Luisa admits to Petra that sometimes she misses Rose and hates that she killed her. Even though she knows was a sociopath and a murderer and toxic, she was one of the first people who loved her and deeply cared for her well being. Petra assures her it’s okay to have these complicated feelings but that now Luisa has a whole family who cares about her and loves her, and that she won’t leave her side. 

Petra is the one who cooks when they do not order dinner because even though the girls don’t always like the Czeck dishes, Luisa had always been an adventurous eater and loves them. 

Luisa sometimes helps Petra with the Marbella since she has some know how from listening to her father and Raf over the years. But general keeps out of the way as Petra likes it being her thing and Luisa respects how important it is for the Marbella to be her legacy. Luisa eventually opens her shop of jewelry, healing crystals and other spiritual healing connections so others could get comfort and help like she did from her shamans. Even though there are times when Petra finds that stuff to be complete nonsense, she supports her. 

Luisa is the only one who calls Petra her real name, Natalie, in private. It’s just a little thing and Petra is so used to her new name, but sometimes she misses it. 

Rafael and Jane are happy for the couple though Rafael was a bit stunned by the news and couldn’t imagine what drew them to each other. But they’re ultimately happy they are happy and how Luisa softens Petra and Petra bolsters Luisa. Luisa also meets up with Rogelio a lot on FaceTime. She had always appreciated how he used those acting exercises to help her open up and get to the root of her feelings and they often talk. She also secretly laughs at how Rogelio and Petra still can’t understand each other’s accents. 

Anna and Ellie both enjoy Luisa as a semi-mom/aunt to them. Though sometimes they find it easy to use her to get around their mom’s rules which she often lectures them about. But they also like how it’s easier to talk to Luisa about more emotional stuff that they think their mom’s “Life’s sucks, get over it” philosophy. 

It takes a couple of years before they tie the knot, Petra being a bit hesitant with marriage after all her experiences but Luisa asks her after the newest Marbella chain opening and Petra just sees how her life has soared and come together and says yes. They get married at the Marbella, with the girls as bridesmaids, Jane as maid of honor and Rafael returning the favor and being the best man. And Rogelio acting as the priest. 

[elrielllll]

“Perfect” part 2

A/N: Well, here we go again- Not a big fan of this one but it gets better after this one! Also thank you for all your lovely comments! x

Azriel stepped forwards and swallowed, “Hello, I’m Azriel, I’m one of the builders  on the sports hall on the person you should come to if you have any questions or concerns. we’ve decided that the best place to build will be outside the language block and we would like to get started tomorrow. I’ll be on site every day so come and find me if you have any questions. I’ll be sending out an email later tonight about the details of the changed taking place.” He gave a tight smile and nodded again, stepping back to let the Headteacher dismiss everyone.

Elain wasn’t listening. She had made the mistake of allowing her eyes flick back and forth to Grayson until the room was spinning. With every glance the memories forced themselves to the front of her mind until she was surrounded.

She stood up on shaky legs and braced herself on the chair in front. One minute she was fine and the next-

She didn’t even know.

Well, she did.

“I’m going to see Rhys and Az do you want to come I can introduce you?” Feyre asked,  pulling Elain out of her spiral and already moving towards them.

Elain shook her head, “no its okay I have a lot to do but I’ll catch up with you later”

“alright see you tomorrow!” Feyre shouted over her shoulder and over the buzz of people leaving.

Elain didn’t hear, she was trying to push through the people to the door muttering a weak “excuse me” every now and then, cursing her height.

In her rush to leave and just get outside, she ran smack bang into someone’s chest. The person reached out a hand to steady her,

“whoa Ellie are you okay?” Lucien asked, then he took one look down at her face.

“alright, excuse me thank you” he said as he tucked her into his side and pulled her with him through the crowd. Once they were out he didn’t let her go, walking her down to her classroom and shutting the door behind them.

Elain sank down onto the nearest chair but she still couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe-

“Its alright, you’re alright” Lucien said as he crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in his own. “just breathe with me Ellie, estoy aqui”

He took deep breaths, 10 seconds in through his nose and 10 seconds out through his mouth. Elain copied, calming down enough to whisper a small

“I’m sorry”

“don’t be,” Lucien shook his head, “ can you get up?”

Elain nodded still looking down,willing her legs to work “yeah. Yes. I can”

Thank god she had Lucien, he knew the best way to handle whatever this was, is to move on like it never happened. It was always best like that.

“okay good,” Lucien said, pulling her up, “I need help packing up some books come on” he turned towards his classroom next door with Elain following after taking one last deep breath.

As they were packing he asked “ do you want to tell me what happened?”

Elain shook her head.

No. She didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. Not ever. It’s easier that way, not getting other people involved. She hadn’t even told her sisters about the panic attacks or anxiety or whatever it was. Partly because she didn’t want to worry them, partly because it was too much effort.

And also because she didn’t want to give them a reason to see her as weaker than they already did, than she already was. She felt small.

Grayson was good at that. Making people feel small. And although the bruises had gone the words that had accompanied them still remained. Haunting her. And she hated it. She hated herself for giving him that power over over. Hated that she still let him have that power over her. Hated that she couldn’t get it- him- out of her head.

And she hated that she didn’t know how to fix it.

“ I can’t believe that we’re going to have to deal with the noise, trust it to be us, but honestly it will be a miracle if its louder than my class.” Lucien complained, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Elain smiled, Lucien was a Spanish teacher, and Spanish classes were notorious for being rowdy, especially Lucien’s. She was grateful for the peace that came with teaching French, she could barely cope hearing it next door.

“I personally think that its all to do with the teacher” Elain mused when she felt a book hit the back of her head. She turned around, hand flying to the back of her head “hey what was that for?!” she asked, eyes wide.

Lucien aimed another book at her, “criticise my teaching style again, I dare you”

“I though throwing things at people was your teaching style” Elain teased

She dodged the next book

“proving my point!” she laughed    

He shook his head, “just this time Archeron”

She smiled, thinking of all the book and pencil and glue stick wars that they’ve had in this room, one ending in a dislocated shoulder on Lucien's part when he tried to commando roll over a table James bond style, and Elain spending all evening washing glue out of her hair.

She was still smiling thinking of Lucien. They had been best friends since she had begun working at the school, being the two youngest teachers there, before all the ~older~ teachers retired and new teachers flowed in,they had hit it off straight away. It was love at first sight when Lucien swore in Spanish at one of the kids that was messing around.

It was brilliant. Having someone to say exactly what she was thinking.

Because she was thinking the same thing.

She was still smiling on the drive home, thinking of all the fun they and the kids had messing with the scared newbies.  

But that evening she wasn’t washing glue out of her hair.

She dropped her bag by the door and headed into her room. Sweatpants and a hoodie felt like heaven as she grabbed her long awaited bottle of wine and left over pizza and put them on the coffee table in front of the couch.  

She sighed as she turned back to the door where she left her bags full of books and exams. It was going to be a long night

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter 

Masterlist

Part three will be up within the next half an hour and I swear they’ll meet ;)

Also feel free to drop me any prompts- I’m in a writing mood :) 

Bisous x

Tags:

@stars-falling @cirieael @abraxos-is-toothless @suppengott @candid-confetti @nite0wl29 @tyheronthorn @negativenesta @sleeping-and-books @awkward-avocado-s​

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧  Chapter 186

Sleep was hard to come by that night. Meeting new people, doing new things, getting involved in troublesome activities… at this point in your life you thought you might be a little more unmovable. A little more unfazed. But after an episode like that and the knowledge that you had two enhanced girls sleeping under your roof- enhanced girls of which there were many more like them that you’d see tomorrow- ...young kids that your former trusted President Ellis may or may not have been going after now with a secret task for… 

Yeah. Sleep wasn’t happening. 

Tony laid silent beside you while you tossed and turned the first hour. The next he drew you close. The two of you talked about nothing at all. Trying to avoid the subject of what tomorrow would bring. And the hour after that the both of you got up and did anything else other than talk or figure out what next steps were. He started working on his projects and you started working on Stark Industries business. 

Instead, you knew, you should have been formulating a plan. Thinking about what you were going to say to Charles Xavier. What was important to figure out, what would be important going forward. And then you should have formulated a plan for what you were going to do to Ellis to stop all this. But somewhere between five and six AM as you were answering another email that was wholly unimportant, you wondered if this was even your business at all. 

...of course it was, but… 

Could you hand it off to the Avengers? You and Tony had technically stepped away from all of that. If someone- even President Matthew Ellis- had sanctioned action against enhanced individuals, shouldn’t the Avengers deal with that? Should they at least know? 

If not yes to the former, the latter was still certainly true. Which meant you had a phone call to make. Then you waffled around for far too long trying to decide if this was best in person or on the phone. Probably in person. So with that in mind, what did your current path look like? 

Taking Jubilee and Kitty on a jet to the facility so you could at least talk to others about this, then taking them home? Talking to Xavier, for however long that took, with whatever you were going to say to him- and then going to Ellis to deal with him? Did that seem right? 

While you weren’t sure that was the best course of action, what you did know was that even thinking about all that made you incredibly tired. ...or maybe that was just that you hadn’t slept all night. Probably both. 

At seven AM you stepped out of a too-hot shower and stood in front of a foggy mirror, watching your phone as it sat on the side of the sink. It was decided, now, what you had to do. So you texted Steve, knowing he was up. 

Tony and I are coming by the compound in a couple of hours. We have to talk about something. 

Maybe it would have been more fair to be a little more concise. As Steve seemed to struggle with what to say. Dots popped in and out several times before a text finally appeared. 

Something serious. 

Not asking. Because he knew. If you were making an announcement like that, obviously it was important. 

Yeah. Get the team together. 

Again, he typed and deleted, typed and deleted some more. It was strange to think that Steve was removed this far from you now. That he seemed like he couldn’t be open with you. Worried, maybe, about what you’d bring. Instead of just… happy to know you’d be coming by. 

Things had changed. You hated it. But you didn’t know what to do about it now. Maybe that was fair, too. You had said you and Tony were stepping away. So if you were coming by to talk, it could probably only be about bad news. ...to think that’s exactly where your relationship was now… that sucked. A lot. Because sooner rather than later you and Tony would try to get the team together to try and talk about something happy. 

Your futures. But… 

Eventually Steve decided on something succinct. 

Will do. See you soon. 

You got the girls boarded on the jet between your second cup of coffee and your third. They’d been given breakfast, courtesy of Happy dropping by with egg sandwiches and orange juice. Not exactly five-star celebrity treatment, but it would do. They were still eating as Tony pulled the jet off the deck and into the air, munching and talking amongst themselves as your hand found Tony’s sitting beside him in the cockpit. 

Nervousness held the both of them, but you supposed that was fair. They’d sneaked out to go to the big city and now they were being returned by the Avengers. There was a lot to be nervous about. Shifting over, you pressed a kiss to Tony’s temple, eternally grateful that you had him here as your steady rock. His smile was a brief twitch and then he watched out of his peripheral as you got up. 

Standing with a hand on the wall to keep balance, you stopped in front the girls. “We’re headed to the Avengers Facility first. I hope that’s okay.” Deciding to give them some room to breathe. 

The both of them looked up. Kitty smiled. “Can I see the labs there, too?” 

Tony half turned in his chair- you assumed after putting the controls on auto. “You know, Stark Industries is offering internships right now, if you’re so interested in all my tech.” 

She turned a little bashful. “I don’t know about all that. Or if I’m even allowed.” 

Jubilee gave her a little nudge. “We keep pretty busy, anyway.” Tony threw his hands up in a little shrug and turned back to the controls. You were about to speak when Jubilee caught your attention again. “Hey… I’m just wondering… you’ve never heard of mutants before, right? Not before last night?” 

This was a strange start to a discussion you weren’t sure you had enough energy right now to have. One you thought you’d be having with Charles. Not this teenager. “Uh- yeah. This is all news to me, though I have met your professor before.” 

The two girls looked between each other again before Jubilee set her sights on you again, “How come you haven’t asked what we can do?” 

Kitty sat back a little. “Well. She did ask if we were enhanced.” 

“I did.” Cutting between them before they get too into it. “But. It’s none of my business.” 

A puzzled feeling worked between the both of them. Jubilee crossed her arms. “How do you mean?” 

This was difficult to answer. You took a seat, finally, realizing this was going to go on for a lot longer than you’d thought. Your thoughts came out a little stilted as you tried to sift through them. “From what I understand… alright. From what I know, enhanced individuals get that way through the means of others, usually. Captain America was experimented on by the government. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver- same thing. Iron Man is even considered an enhanced individual- because of the suit-” 

Tony hummed from the front seat, “So are you, honey.” 

You rolled your eyes in only the fondest way. He was treading thin ice purposefully, but only in a way that you would know. “So am I- anyway. That’s different from what mutants are- though I’ve only started learning since last night. Your powers are… intrinsic. I think. Something you gain as you grow. It’s fascinating, but feels like it’s a private matter. I wouldn’t just demand you tell me what you can do.” Finally settling on this as soon, you feared, this was exactly what the world would become. “No one else should, either.” 

Ellis had some taskforce bent on gathering up these people. Inhumans- were they just mutants? Or were they something else entirely? They were close enough, at least, that those brainless little thugs with guns didn’t care about grabbing them. Really, they seemed not to even care about the difference between enhanced individuals and mutants. And you yourself thought there was great room for difference there. ...it was actually helping, to talk to them. Helping finetune your thoughts. 

Jubilee’s head drew down. A certain sadness cloaked her suddenly. “Even if they think we’re dangerous?” 

They’d been imprinted upon. Maybe by last night, maybe by events prior. Living isolated in a mansion certainly wasn’t helping. ...well it was, in one way. But you imagined it was hurting in another. What other reason would teenagers sneak out for? To go see a life they were missing out on. Being denied because they were different. 

You thought very carefully before speaking this time. “The world is changing. Drastically and quickly. It feels like, before Tony outed himself, nobody knew or cared about… any of this. Sure, we had Steve, but that was different. Suddenly there are more enhanced individuals than ever before. Aliens. Gods-”

“Like Thor.” Kitty’s full attention was on you. 

“Like Thor, yes,” answered with a nod. “There’s just… so much out there that’s new. And people who have been trying to live their lives are getting spooked. Everything is changing for them. And they feel helpless. They feel scared because they don’t know what to do. But that’s why the Avengers try to give them some sense of the known. That we’re really the same as them. We’re on their side. We’re all just people trying to do our best.” 

Jubilee was impassive. “But even when you try to protect them- against threats- some people still don’t like you.” 

You gave a shrug that you hoped didn’t come off as helpless as you felt. “We can’t change that. All we can do is continue to do what’s right. And protect them, even if they don’t like us. Because we have means. They don’t. I can only just try to do what’s right. For them and for me- for us.” 

A small sense of somberness came from the cockpit. Tony was thinking about something. Listening to you… made his heart ache for some reason. A conversation for another time. 

Kitty tilted her head to one side. “But those men in the city-” 

Quickly you tried to put a stop to that. “They were acting under orders. I’m going to get to the bottom of it and put a stop to it. We’re going to have to bridge a gap sooner than I was prepared for. But I’ll work on it.” Making that promise not only to them but to yourself. You had to find an end to this. 

Jubilee considered what she was going to say, but tried her luck anyway. “I thought you just said you can’t change their opinions?” 

Tony had gotten out of his chair and was now standing behind you. “If anyone can…” You could hear the grin in his voice. “-and, look. Anyway. You kids should be more worried about school and dates than world changing events. Let the adults handle this one.” Being his ever charming self as he tried to assuage their fears. 

It worked, too. They seemed a little taken with him. But… you couldn’t say you blamed them. You wouldn’t be surprised if one or both of them had a poster of him somewhere in their bedroom with the way they outwardly hid just the softest sense of butterflies. 

He turned his hand palm up. “And- she might not want to know, but I am curious.” 

The corner of your mouth moved in just a little upturn. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to know. I said it was none of my business.” 

Tony leaned in just a little. “Well call me nosy.” 

“You are.” Turning towards him now that he was in your space to press a kiss to his cheek. 

This seemed to turn the girls into real mush, tried to hide it though they did. Whether or not they wanted to before- and you had gotten the sense they wanted to share- Jubilee held her hand up, colorful sparks igniting in a gentle burst. “I call them my fireworks.” 

Tony went intensely focused. “Energy eruption? -no, wait. Can I see that again?” He asked this as he moved towards the tablet table in the center of the jet, typing a few things. “FRIDAY target a sync.” 

“Yes, boss.” 

Though the girls were excited, you couldn’t help a little warning. “Tony. They’re not science projects.” 

“No, they’re not. They’re mutants.” Agreeing with you and then he gave a little signal to Jubilee. “Only if you want to.”  Jubilee happily acquiesced, doing it again in a slightly bigger shower of sparks this time. Tony started typing away. “Plasmoids.” Out of the corner of his eye he probably caught the tip of your head. So he started explaining, “Kind of like- think of ball lightning. All plasma and magnetic fields.” His brain was going. “You have total control on the expanse?” 

Jubilee grinned. “Yep.” 

Nodding with a pleased grin, Tony typed a few more things in before looking Kitty’s way. “Feeling in a sharing mood?” 

She smiled, in that same bashful way but nervousness took her soon after. “I have to be careful- especially here- oh- here can you hold up your hand?” Asking you with a small gesture. You did as she asked and then she held up her own- ...which she then brought down, completely going through you. 

There was no feeling associated with it- maybe a little chill, but you wondered if that was more your brain being over reactive to such a thing- but it did spark a memory. “You did that in the alley last night- and fried all their hardware.” 

A quick jolt of some weird focus mixed with panic fluttered inside of Tony as he zeroed his gaze in on Kitty. She nodded. “Yeah. I can phase through things.” 

“Go invisible?” You couldn’t help but get caught up in the fascination. 

She shook her head. “No- well- not exactly- I mean I phased through the dumpster and hid in there. I guess that’s kind of like going invisible. But not really. When I go through things-” 

“Quantum tunneling? Maybe. And that’s…” Tony was typing again. “-FRIDAY you got any footage from last night?” 

“Scanning.” Then, a second after, “Here boss. From a police camera.” She isolated exactly what moment Tony was looking for. When Kitty came out from hiding and stumbled, purposefully, right through those men. It was weird seeing yourself on camera, no audio, taking that aggressive stance and arguing with them while backing both girls behind you. 

After watching the footage back again and then typing a few more things in, Tony suddenly stopped and looked up. “You disrupt electronic fields.” He was grinning, but the girls wouldn’t be able to tell but there was a little bit of weakness about it, as he pointed at her. “Solid only in my labs.” 

Kitty grinned back. “Of course, Mr. Stark.”

                                                              ---

Conversation shifted away. The girls were seemingly ecstatic getting to share with people that weren’t exactly from their world- maybe one they looked up to- but all the same weren’t judging them. In fact, Tony’s interest seemed to make them happy. Maybe just because it wasn’t a negative one. But, when he touched the jet down and you let the girls out of the hatch onto the lawn, you held him back. 

“You’re scared of her.” Having assessed that situation fully. 

He put his hand on your shoulder with a little raise of his brow. “Honey… she could junk both our suits in the blink of an eye.” 

Ah. ...that was bad. That was very bad. And it made him anxious. It made him feel powerless. 

This was probably going to keep him up for a few months. 

You settled your own hand over his heart, trying to send a wave of calm and assurance to him. “Good thing she’s on our side.” 

Tony nodded slowly. “She’s a good kid. Hope she stays that way.” 

“Let’s make sure of that.” 

                                                             ---

Helen took the girls off your hands for a little while as you gathered the team in one of the small conference rooms. It was nice to see everyone all at once, for a change. JARVIS (Vision- but always JARVIS to you), Steve, Sam, Nat, Rhodey, Wanda, and Pietro. While there was quiet discussion, and genuine happy-to-see-you’s going around, Rhodey was the one that cut through the fog. 

“So. Can’t imagine you called a random meeting to discuss an upcoming holiday party.” 

Tony put his hands in his pockets as he came to stand beside you. “Why not? -and you’re all invited, by the way. Stark Tower. Christmas eve. Mandatory.” 

Nat smiled. “I thought it was the Avengers Tower?” 

He grinned. “We’re doing some reclamation. Seeing as how you’re all here now. Can’t be an Avengers tower with no Avengers.” 

Steve crossed his arms. “There’s at least two there. By my count.” His smile was light. 

You smiled back. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but, no, this isn’t about a holiday party.” 

JARVIS studied you carefully. “This seems to be about the two girls you’ve brought who- by my account- are… mutants.” Right. Right. JARVIS knew about that. And probably knew way more now than he had before. He was free from protocols telling him to dig only so much. He probably knew more than any of you in that room combined. About everything. 

Wanda and Pietro looked between each other before she asked, “Mutants?” 

You put a hand up. “Not a derogatory term, I assure you. It’s actually what that group picked for themselves.” 

Tony started his slow pacing, hand moving as he spoke. “Derived from how they get their powers, which is a mutated gene that starts switching on at puberty. In most cases, anyway.” 

Steve was very suddenly not smiling anymore, but it was Sam who asked, “Powers? What kinda powers are we talking about here?” 

“Enhanced?” Steve looked at you as he asked. 

You gazed back. “They are- but. Not like you. They’re more…” Trying to figure out a kind way to say this. 

Tony was not as gentle, “Less homegrown and more just grown. They just are.” 

Rhodey’s expression was neutral. “And there’s more of them?” 

You found yourself nodding. “A lot more. And… President Ellis seems to have sanctioned a commission of soldiers to round them up. ATCU-” 

Tony followed up, “-Advanced Threat Containment Unit.” 

Nat frowned. “Are they a threat?” 

“No.” You found yourself almost… hurt by the quick insinuation. “They’re kids.” 

She continued to argue- but… maybe it was less arguing and more gathering all the information. “They aren’t kids forever.” 

“Which is all the more reason to not start isolating them.” Now you were really the one doing all the arguing. You noted that Wanda and Pietro were suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable.

Steve shook his head. “They seem like they’re isolating all on their own. How come we’ve never heard of them until now?” 

Tony chuckled. “Fury knew.” 

At this Steve rolled his eyes. “Of course he did.” A sizzle of anger was clear. You tried not to feed too much into it. Easy to do when he set his sights on Tony. “I’m willing to bet you did, too.” 

You held both your hands up, immediately trying to shift the focus of the conversation. This wasn’t about Tony. Or Fury. Or- “Listen- this isn’t so much about them.” 

Rhodey arched a brow. “How is this not about them?” 

“Okay- it is- but right now it’s more about Ellis rounding up anybody with powers and doing who knows what with them. Can we all agree on that?” Trying to gain control back of the situation. This seemed to cool the room off when agreeable murmurs came all around. 

Steve was quiet but focused as he looked at you. “So, what’s the plan?” 

Right. A plan. You needed a plan. “I’m going to drop the kids off, and talk to the guy who runs the school. And then I’m going to talk to Ellis and get him to shut his little secret squad down.” 

A chill crept across the room, confusing you. People exchanged glances. Sam crossed his arms, mirroring Steve. “Okay. That sounds an awful lot like you’re doing everything. So…” 

Nat tipped her head to the side. “Why bother telling us?” 

This surprised you. “I thought you should know what was going on.” ...they were insinuating you were trying to do everything on your own. And maybe they were right. You’d only considered telling them so that they had the information. Not actually… letting them do anything about it. ...you still had a problem, didn’t you? “Look- I don’t wanna spook this guy, or any of the people living where they are. He agreed to meet with only Tony and I. But… I would like some backup when I go talk to Ellis.” 

“I’ll go with you.” 

Nearly everyone in that room volunteered at once. 

Sometimes you forgot but… you really did still have a family. No matter the distance or the time apart. You were also really glad you didn’t have to go this one alone.

[helihi]

The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty: RWBY Vol 6 Ep 8

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT BEING WORRIED. PLZ KELIN BE SAFE.

Overall rating: 5/10

Spoilers Ahead

The Good

One thing that the CRWBY had gotten right since day 1 was the family dynamics and the depiction of abuse in the Schnee household. I don’t say this lightly: I personally know what is to grow up in an abusive household. When I heard Weiss be so hard on herself in Forever Fall during those first episodes, I knew she likely had an abusive parent.

When analyzing a show, especially when one touches on very delicate subjects, it’s a huge sign of disrespect not to dive into them and extract everything you can from the themes. In this case, it gets personal.

Tumblr is an odd place: a site where anonymity and honesty blend together in an odd way. For years, I used this username as a way to put myself out there without endangering myself, but as I grew up and started using the internet to find a job, it was hard to separate this personal little hole I dug for myself and the projects I had in mind for the future. Today, I make choice while doing this review, and that choice is sharing with you part of my childhood, and the reason behind it is to state my bias: I don’t feel empathy for Willow, even before she was introduced I felt she was the worse mother in team RWBY. That, in the short future might change, but here are the reasons why:

Jacques Schnee is an awful person. He’s a terrible businessman, an abusive husband, and an abusive father. He left a mark on all of his family members: his wife turned to drinking, his oldest daughter joined the military to escape him and put herself in harm’s way to protect her younger sister, her second daughter hated herself and didn’t trust anyone around her, and his son mirrored his behavior to protect himself.

However, an abusive household can have more relationships than just “an abuser and his victims”, it can also be “an abuser, an enabler, and their victims”. I don’t mean to say the enabler is not a victim themselves, but their secondary role has an important impact in the life of children.

So here’s my truth: my mother is abusive and my father is an enabler. I don’t know how it happened, but my mother’s violent and hurtful behavior was first downplayed by my father, then it was dismissed, and, in odd times, it was mirrored. A while ago, Lindsay Ellis made a video about Guardians of the Galaxy 2. There’s one quote that always resonated with me:

“The dynamic between Gamora and Nebula might read as familiar for people who grew up in households with abusive or addicted parents, and that is the displacement of anger from the abuser (...) to an older sibling or parent that failed to stop the abuser or the addict. (...) It can be even harder for people to forgive a sibling or a parent who failed to stop abuse than it is to forgive the abuser.” - Lindsay Ellis on Gamora and Nebula’s relationship.

That being said, I don’t, in any way shape or form, believe that Willow is worse than Jacques. However, before you’re quick to defend her or “protect her” remember that she allowed her husband to harm their children as much as he could. At no point did she ever stand up, or seek help; maybe it was because of shame or the need to uphold an image to the outside viewer, but the truth remains: she failed her children.

I’m not saying that Willow was in an easy position, due to her dependency on alcohol and her lack of confidence in herself, we all know that she’s a victim herself, but that will never excuse her behavior in my eyes. When my grandfather became dangerous to my mother and aunt, my grandma packed everything and disappeared with her daughters despite her fear. She made a very risky choice: to move to another province with no job offer and without knowing anyone, but she kept herself and her daughters safe.

My father never put a stop to my mother, and if he ever did, he never was there to make my brother and I feel better or to tell us that we weren’t at fault. I never knew my household was toxic until I started spending more time at my friends’ house (something that my mom wasn't a fan of). It was then that I realized my friends were not scared of their mother’s “wrath” as I was with mine. It was after years of learning this that I realized the reason why I suffer from an anxiety disorder and had suffered from several panic attacks.

Now, I want to draw your attention to a very important scene of this episode, the most important for me: Winter breaks and shouts at her father when under pressure. We’ve never seen her like this. Even her petty quarrel with Qrow didn’t have the same weight to it, and I can tell you why because I’ve lived through it myself:

When you can recognize your abuser’s tactics, and see how they try to gaslight/hurt you or the people you care about after being outside of that toxic environment, you go back to the child you were when you had to live through that. It was like time had never passed. You may get scared or, like me and Winter, you explode.

Winter might have found a surrogate father and a plan outside the Schnee name, but in reality, she’s still at Jacques mercy, more so than Weiss, like I said before. Though it feels great to be right, I cannot describe how miserable seeing the Schnees makes me.

With that finished, I want to move on to what Willow said to Weiss about her and Whitley:

She’s able to recognize that’s better for her children not to be at home, but just like time and time again, she’s an observer, not an active player. She likely saw Weiss leave with the help of Klein, but at no point in time was there for her daughter. So, thanks Willow, for nothing.

Willow is right about Whitley, however it is infuriating that she’s putting his life on his sisters’ shoulders. “You left him here with us.” For fUCKS SAKE. I am doing my best not to go on a rant here, but this whole phrase truly angers me. WHITLEY IS NOT WINTER OR WEISS RESPONSIBILITY, IT NEVER WAS.

I always tried to shield my siblings from my parents’ wrath, but this is not a responsibility you should put in a child. I don’t fucking care if Winter and Weiss are adults, they are victims dealing with their trauma, and though we are all sure Weiss is going to help her brother, that’s not her job. It shouldn’t be her fucking job.

For me, if there was any way for Willow to be somewhat “redeemed” in my eyes, it would be by protecting at least 1 of her fucking children. Say what you want about Raven, she’s an asshole, a manipulator, and a coward, but at least she was there to protect Yang when Neo was about to murder her.

Also, Imma add this here: A kind anon informed me that the vodka that Willow drinks is labeled “Six Swans”, which is a fairy tale written by the Grimm brothers in which a Princess (later Queen) works in silence for years to set her family free from a curse.

If that’s true, then Willow’s cameras will bring Jacques down for treason and the Schnees will be free of him.

So, after all of that, I’m fucking delighted that Winter spoke out during the meeting. People pointed out that Robyn was happy at that, which means that she likely now knows that Ironwood doesn’t trust Jacques, and she will trust on the bees word more than she did last episode.

Don’t think I miss the flirting between Qrow and Clover. It’s so good to see Qrow opening up and refusing alcohol.

The Bad

Fancy dinner everyone! Except no one in the gang is dressed for the occasion.  It makes sense for Ironwood, Winter, and Clover to go in uniform, but the kids have no freaking excuse. Everyone was wearing dresses/suits, except for them. Was it too expensive to suit the gang up, CRWBY?

I don’t like the exaggerated movements of the whole JN_R operation. They could’ve gone the classy spy way, but I guess we need cheap laughs.

Unfortunately, after having a steady episode duration, the writers pull a move from their old books and cut a possible whole episode/special into two for cheap cliff hangers. There’s no reason this episode had to be only 15 minutes and end in the middle of the dinner party. It’s just stupid. This episode only has buildup, no middle, and no end.

I’ve taken a lot of points off this episode because of that cheap trick, I can’t believe they went back to it after doing so well previously.

The Dirty

A long as table and barely anyone there, the fuck???!!!!!!

Also where the fuck is KLEIN IF HE’S NOT SAFE I FUCKING QUIT.

--

Overall rating: 5/10

AN: We don’t talk about the Schnees.

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Percival ‘Percy’ McCormick III → Charlie Cox → Dhole

→ Basic Information

Age: 228

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Born or Made: Born

Birthday: January 22nd

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Religion: Jewish

→ His Personality Percy has very rarely failed in his life. This is not necessarily because of his skills or brains, but mainly his family’s money. He is a creative and often idealistic person, who is focused on pushing the envelope to see what else is out there. He is confident and charming, and has managed to make most things he creates work. One thing that isn’t working is his idea of a joint pack. It began in the 1930s as a way to bring people to Chicago and keep themselves above boat during the Depression. It worked for a while, but in the last 20 years has begun to spiral. Violence and hatred have gotten to a boiling point and the pressure only rises with new members moving in every month. He still thinks it is working and an idea worth fighting for, however even he is feeling the cracks. Percy has become an insomniac and his emotions are so high strung that his eyes frequently flip back and forth between white and his typical brown. He has taken to carrying sunglasses to hide his effect from those in and outside of his pack.

He has recently decided, under Liz’s recommendation, that he needs to destress his life. Percy gets self-confidence and pride from his work, so slowing down feels as though he is failing more. It has allowed him to attempt to fix his relationship with his wife. He is absent at best and neglectful at worst when it comes to Rose, and he realized he had started to become exactly like his father. He wants kids and he wants his kids to see two people in love raising them. Percy has a habit of thinking about those who benefit from all his actions, rather than those who must suffer with the other side. He is willing to sacrifice the few for the many and even if it hurts others, may refuse to give up what he wants.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Head of the Triumvirate and Owner of WJDF station, The Chicago Herald, McCormick Media, and a conglomerate of publications.

Scars: None

Tattoos: Up to Player

Two Likes: Sunglasses and Skyscrapers

Two Dislikes: Close minded people and Conspiracy Theorists

Two Fears: Bankruptcy and People thinking he’s fraud

Two Hobbies: Genealogy and Proofreading

Three Positive Traits: Idealistic, Charming, Confident

Three Negative Traits: Assertive, Proud, Unyielding

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Percival McCormick II (Father): Percival II built the media in Chicago from the ground up. He initially ran the telegraph and telegram stations out of Chicago and eventually created The Chicago Herald and the radio station. These catered to humans, but also supernaturals. There were special channels to broadcast supernatural news and it created the foundation for other supernaturals to create content and information for themselves. Creating an empire so expansive was not without cost. Percival II was rarely home and treated his wife and son as merely objects set out to impress. It left him with a constant need to prove to his father that he was just as clever as he was, even in death. Percy III created the first television station and has expanded into the internet and digital sphere as time has gone on.

Pamela McCormick (Mother): Pamela was not frequently involved with Percy. She was there for the worst moments to comfort him, but she was dealing with her own issues and didn’t have the time to help both. She was never cruel and often was willing to listen and entertain his imaginative ideas.

Sibling Names:

None

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Rose McCormick (Wife): Percy is admittedly a horrible husband. He’d like to blame it on the way he was raised, but even he knows he could stop that cycle whenever he wants. Rose is smart and fierce, but didn’t fully know what she was getting into when marrying him. He needed someone to stand by his side and have no desire to get involved in his life. He’d provide for whatever she wanted as long as she’d keep everything in their marriage private and eventually have a kid with him. It’s been a decade since they’ve been married, and they’ve kept up their deal. She has her own bedroom and they only typically see each other over dinner. Rose hates him and he understands why. Recently, Percy has begun to think being open with his wife and mate may calm him down more. He wants to start a real relationship with Rose, and is attempting to show that to her. She is becoming more receptive though she doubts him.

Platonic Connections:

Elizabeth ‘Liz’ Snow (Best Friend): Percy knows Liz better than anyone else. Liz is the only one who has truly seen him at his most vulnerable. They understand each other and the choices they make and support one another fully. It’s hard not to fall in love with someone who knows you well, and Percy was not immune to this. However, he knew it would never work. He found a dhole shifter who would agree to what he wanted from a marriage and tried to block out any thoughts of Liz, unsuccessfully. He still is much more emotionally connected with Liz and confides in her, rather than in Rose.

Simon Brodeur (Packmate): Percy has over 90,000 nimbles in his care and would be lying if he said he knew all of them by heart. However, Simon has recently popped up on his rader and Percy has been keeping a worrisome eye on him. Percy has never had a bad experience with Simon but when Simon’s mate was obviously killed by a hunter, Simon had blacked out causing a mess for Percy. Simon had gone into a frenzy and changed a few humans. Percy and Liz were able to cover it up and Simon was released punishment free but Percy is unsure what his next step should be and whether to go after the hunters who did this.

Austin Semler (Packmate): Percy is familiar with Austin work and the work of Austin parents. Percy knows potential when he sees it and Austin is bursting with potential but it is clear to Percy that Austin isn’t ready yet.

Isla Johns (Packmate): Isla acts as the speaker for the prey members of their clan and is also a member of the Triumvirate. Percy and Isla are nearly never on the same page making Liz their referee on larger impact topics. They can never have a strong relationship while he knows what she thinks of him and how he runs the clan. It would both him more, if he wasn’t as confident that Liz saw his vision and wanted it to succeed.

Anton Kowalski (Unsure): Anton has not been a part of his clan for long but Percy isn’t blind to how Anton avoids him in comparison to the way he flocks to everyone else. While Anton isn’t the first coywolf that Percy has met, he is one of the first shifters to transition into Chicago in decades from a single shift nimble pack; meaning their pack one had one type of nimble species. He’s been keeping an eye on Anton and plans on giving him a proper introduction soon.

Clarisse ‘Clara’ Fields (Clan Leader): Percy and Clara have known one another since they were kids. While Asa and Sam preferred leaving him in the dust, Clara was always a bit more willing to be friendly. He was glad when she took over as head of the Heavies and they often end up on the same side in council meetings.

Chris Bialar (Clan Leader): Chris stated once that he would be neutral when it came to nimble affairs and Percy has done the same for him. Percy personally doesn’t care about the local cat clan and only communicates at council meetings with them. Percy, however, has recently heard rumors about Chris and Ellis discussing a supernatural schooling system and wants in on the project.

Ellis Watts (Clan Leader): Percy has little interactions with the jackal clan and stands neutral when it comes to Ellis. Percy, however, has recently heard rumors about Chris and Ellis discussing a supernatural schooling system and wants in on the project.

Nick Hamelin (Clan Leader): Nick has been around for a while and was friends with Percy’s father. This made things a little easier when it was Percy’s time to take over. Nick and Percy are the closet of allies and their clans often work together to gather information. Percy’s people teach the rats reporting and/or journalistic investigating skills in exchanging for information and leads.

Isaac Baker (Clan Leader): Percy rarely has to deal with the wolves. When he does he typically sends Isla to discuss any incidents they come across with the wolves. Isaac certainly brings more spontaneity to the votes and certainly makes council meetings more interesting.

Scorpius Getta (Clan Leader): Percy is indifferent about Getta and the vampire community as a whole. The only time they communicate is at council meetings.

Sirius Cobic (Clan Leader): Sirius and Percy have come to an understanding as the police and media to keep the people of Chicago from finding out that over 1/3rd of their population is composed of supernatural beings. Their people work closely together but Percy personally deals with Sirius each time as a sign of respect and good faith.

Hostile Connections:

Sam Thompson (Childhood Bully): Sam and Asa used to bully Percy as a child. They would bring him into the middle of the woods, shift and then run. He frequently got lost, and only found his way back by accident, or by Clara helping him. He thinks Sam believing he could be the head of the Heavies is laughable, and ignores any contact that Sam tries to make with him.

Asa Fields (Childhood Bully): Sam and Asa used to bully Percy as a child. They would bring him into the middle of the woods, shift and then run. He frequently got lost, and only found his way back by accident, or by Clara helping him. Asa disappeared about a hundred years ago, which Percy was grateful for. Unfortunately he’s returned and apparently wants to make things right within his pack.

Pets:

None

→ History (paragraph(s) on background)

→ The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Charlie Cox (Percival “Percy” McCormick III) [1][2][3][4]

[ververa]

“You are enough”

CHAPTER 7 (part 2)

And so the ceremony started. Ellie didn't leave her girlfriend even for a while – until a few of her aunts interfere. They claimed that since Ronnie is the youngest she would make a great job taking care of kids for a while when they will be chatting. The girl agreed and left them smiling at her girlfriend – who promised to join her soon. Little did Ellie know that the things were about spinning out of control.

Ronnie had never really liked spending time with children and there she was. Kind of trapped in the huge garden with a group of shouting little kids. At the very beginning everything was fine – they were enjoying themselves – doing the kids' things – and she was just watching, so that none of them can get hurt.

At the same time Ellie got stuck with the other women from the family. They were all mothers already and so they soon began to talk about having a family.

"So, Ellie" started one of them "Do you plan on getting married or something or is it just a kind of casual acquaintance?"

"She's my fiancee. And to be honest it was never just a casual acquaintance"

"Fiancee?"

"Yes. I proposed and she said yes" she smiled

"Oh my god! Really?" one of them exclaimed

"How long have you been together?" the other one asked

"Almost 2 years"

"And how did you two meet?"

"Well, she used to be my patient for a while"

"Wait. My child is being taken care of by a nut?" asked Lena

"And are going to have kids?" asked the other one at the same time

Ellie was confused

"I- Don't call her that! She's not a nut!"

Lena rolled her eyes at how protectively Ellie acted

"We... We talked about it, but we didn't decide yet"

"You should consider it. She's young and healthy. She can carry the baby. For now, but how long it will be like that?" Lena said as if she were an expert

"I'm not going to push her into anything. She doesn't like it"

"Sometimes you need to take the control over. Kind of put her in her place"

"I beg you pardon? What do you mean by this actually?"

Ronnie began to wonder what takes Ellie so long and why she still needs to look after the kids. She tried not to pay too much attention to how bratty they began to act, until one of them - a boy named Archie kicked the ball to the swimming pool.

"Fuck!" he yelled

"Watch your language" she reprimanded

The boy looked at her

"That's not what you told aunt Ellie when she was yelling fuck in the morning"

Ronnie stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds

"Aunt Ellie is a grown woman. She's allowed to use such words in particular situations"

"My mom never yells fuck"

"Well, maybe she doesn't have such situations with your dad"

"Like what do you mean?"

"Nothing. You'll find out when you're older"

"I want to know now"

"Archie, you're too little... We can talk about it when you're older. For now just go back and play with the rest"

"I won't until you tell me"

"I already said I won't. I don't like to repeat myself, so just do one!"

"I'll tell my mom!"

"Tell her what?"

"That you're not nice to me"

"I'm nice. Trust me, I can be worst than that"

"I want my ball back. Give it to me!"

"I'm not your servant. Ask me nicely and I'll think about it"

"Fuck you"

"Hey! Little..." she was about cursing, but bit her tongue "You'd better go back and play with the rest"

Archie huffed and ran towards the other boy who was holding his own ball. The boy tried to whip it off from him and when the other kid didn't let him, Archie jerked him with such force he fell down.

"Hey! Stop it!"

"Don't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!"

That was enough. Ronnie wasn't able to control herself any more

"You're lucky I'm not your mother. If I were you wouldn't even dare to act like a little arsehole you are!" she snapped at him

Archie looked at her. He already knew he won't get what he wanted with Ronnie, so he began to cry "Mommy!!!"

"Fuck..." she mumbled to herself seeing Lena walking towards them

"What happened sweetheart?"

"Ronnie is rude!"

"No! I just..."

"She didn't want to help me with pulling my ball out of water. And she said I'm stupid and called me an arsehole" he cried

"How dare you use such words with kids?! And how could you insult my son like that?! He's only a child!" "I did not! Oh my god... This is crazy"

"Crazy?! You're the one crazy thing here! I hope you won't have children, cause you will be a terrible mother!"

And suddenly there was a complete silence. Everyone was looking at them and waiting what will happen next. Ronnie got a load of all of them. They were staring at her as if she had killed someone. Her eyes met Ellie's – who just appeared at the backyard. She seemed to be furious and the girl freaked out. Ronnie walked into the house as soon as possible trying to hold her tears back.

"Are you satisfied?!" Ellie snapped at Lena "She did nothing to you and you little fucked up son. It's him! He always gets on everyone's nerves, but you don't see it. Or just pretend you don't. And you're the one who's a terrible mother! You not only can't reign over a 6 year old kid but also cannot control yourself! You're the one fucked up here!" and with this Ellie hurried to the house to find her girlfriend

_______________________-

"Ronney?" she knocked to the bathroom's door and would open them if the girl hadn't locked them from inside "Baby, open the door"

"Leave me alone!" she sniffled

"You know I won't" she sighed "Please, honey bun. Open. I want to see you"

"You saw enough"

"Ronney... She's a bitch and he is a spoiled brat"

Ellie didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say, so as not to make the things even worst

"It wasn't my fault" she cried

"I know, baby"

"I didn't mean to... He was just..."

"I know. Open the door, Ronnie"

"She's right. I will be a terrible mother" she cried

"What? No! Ronnie, no. You won't. She's the one terrible here. Come on, open. I want to hug you"

"No. Ellie, please, just go away"

"I won't. I'm going to sit right here and wait until you open"

There was a long silence – no words were spoken and only some sniffles could be heard. Ronnie wanted to open. She wanted Ellie to hold her close, but was also afraid. She was sure Ellie thought the same as her aunts. She was terrified that she won't look at her the same way as she used to. That she would see a heartless woman not good enough to be a mother. Maybe not even wanting to be.

"Ronney? You don't have to open. Just... talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you, so I can fix it"

The girl took a deep breath

"I-I... What if..." she cried again; fresh tears streaming down her cheeks destroying her make up completely "She's right. I won't be a good mother. Not after all that happened. And I-I... Don't want to any more..."

"She is not. And she didn't have the right to judge you. She knows nothing. She doesn't know you the way I do. She doesn't know how carring and loving you are. She doesn't know how creative and talented you are. She doesn't know anything. And I think that if you will ever have a baby... that little creature will have the best mom ever. And he or she will be the luckiest kid in the world just like I'm the luckiest woman – having you"

And the sniffles stopped. Instead of them Ellie heard a click of the lock and then there was Ronnie – standing in the door. Her eyes were red and puffy and her makeup was smeared. She looked like a mess, but Ellie didn't care. She didn't pay attention to all of this. She only saw her precious girl.

"You aren’t mad at me?" she asked with shaking voice as Ellie approached her

"Why would I be?"

"I... I thought you think the same. And you don't want me any more, because I'm not good enough to... have kids"

"How could I ever think something like that?"

"I looked at you... And you were so furious. I could see it in your eyes"

"I was. I was furious, but not with you" she moved her hand towards the girl afraid that if she would do something more Ronnie may run away "Come here"

And she did. The girl let her girlfriend pull her closer and held her – still trembling – body.

"Shhh. It's okay. You're good" she said caressing the girl's back and hair in a soothing way "Shhh. Baby girl. There's no need to cry"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for" she kissed her wet cheek

"I must look terrible right now"

"No... You look cute. Like a little panda" she chuckled

Ronnie smiled

"Here you are. That's my girl" she pecked her lips gently "Come on, let's get you cleaned and let's go back to the party. No bitch is going to spoil our fun tonight"

Ronnie nodded.

__________________

When they came back to the rest of the guests, Ellie didn't leave her until the end of the party. She was holding her close placing a soft and soothing kisses to the girl's forehead from time to time. She let her sit on her lap as they were watching how Ellie's cousin and his new wife were dancing together.

"She looks beautiful in those dress" Ronnie stated

"You will look way better in yours"

The girl looked at Ellie.

"What?" the older woman asked

"Nothing. Just... I love you"

"Oh, I love you too, princess"

"Do you think we can dance?"

"I..." she wanted to say that she doesn't dance, but those beautiful pleading eyes made here weak

"I mean, I know you don't dance. But I..."

"It will be my pleasure"

Ronnie smiled happily as she put her hands on the woman's hips.

"Just like I taught you. Move your hips" she instructed helping her to catch the rhythm

Luckily for Ellie it was one of the slow songs, so swaying was just enough – especially that Ronnie seemed to be exhausted.

They were dancing for a while, before Ronnie spoke up

"Ellie?"

The older woman hummed in response

"I think... I don't want to have kids"

"Ronney, she..."

"It's not because of her. I just don't want them now. Maybe in the future... But now I only want you"

And Ellie couldn't help, but hugged her tight

“I hate to interrupt” Robin and Stephanie stopped next to them “May I have this dance?” she offerend his daughter a hand

“I-” Ellie hesitated not wanting to leave her girlfriend

“Go” Ronnie smiled

“You sure?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, I won’t fight again”

“I’ll take care of her” Stephanie stated smiling friendly

Ellie looked at the woman, but say nothing. She seemed to get nervous around her. Ronnie knew about Ellie’s mother accident. The woman told her how she died and so on, but she never liked talking about her stepmother.

“How are you?” asked Stephanie as they were approaching the table

“I… I’m okay”

“I heard what has happened”

“Everyone did, probably”

“Don’t worry about it. Lena is just… herself. It’s hard to understand sometimes and she definitely doesn’t understand the women, who don’t want to have kids. For her only this matters”

“It’s not like I don’t want to have kids. Or maybe… I just don’t know any more”

“It’s okay not to want kids”

“You know… I think that maybe I want them, but I don’t feel like being pregnant. I had some eating disorders, you know. And I don’t think I can do this. I mean the woman’s body changes during and after the pregnancy… But I’m afraid to talk about it with Ellie. I don’t know why I’m telling it you. I barely know you”

“Well, sometimes it’s easier to talk with a stranger. And what’s you mother’s opinion? She definitely knows you better, so maybe she can help…”

“Actually, I don’t talk with her at all. She’s one of those toxic mothers, you know. So, it’s like I don’t have family at all” she smiled sadly

“Oh, I’m sorry”

At the same time, Ellie was dancing and talking with her father.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you… That you met someone”

“Dad… I just didn’t feel like…” she hesitated

“Visiting us? Calling?”

“I was busy”

“I bet you were. Look, I know you’re working a lot, but it would be nice to see you or at least hear your voice. I and Stephie”

Ellie rolled her eyes at the woman’s name

“We would like you to visit us tomorrow. We can have a dinner together or whatever you want”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. Ronnie is already at the edge. One more incident and it may be too much”

“We’re inviting only the two of you and Michael and Amy. No Lena there”

“I-”

“I ask you for two hours only. Do you think you can give me at least a little bit of your precious time?”

“I’ll talk about it with Ronnie” she stopped moving “I should look for her” she smiled and left Robin there

The girl was still sitting with Stephanie. They talked a little bit more about work and life in general. Ronnie smiled seeing the psychiatrist approaching them.

“I’m tired. Shall we go to our room?” Ellie asked not looking in Stephanie's direction

“Of course” she stood up “Thanks for the talk. It was really nice”

“You’re welcome” the older woman smiled

_______________________

It was bothering Ellie since they came back to the room. What were they talking about? Ronnie seemed to enjoy the conversation and in general the presence of her stepmother.

“What were you chatting about?” she asked finally

“About various things. Work – she said she would like to see my paintings” she said excitedly

“Great” she said without enthusiasm

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing”

Ronnie arched her eyebrow questioningly

“You like her, don’t you?”

“She’s nice…” the girl shrugged “Why shouldn’t I like her?”

Ellie looked at the girl

“She’s my stepmother!”

“So what? She didn’t do anything wrong, did she?”

“She took my mother’s place!”

“Well…” she thought for a while “Maybe you should appreciate it. Just be happy that you have someone like Stephanie, who wants to act like your mom”

“I didn’t ask her to act like that. I didn’t want her to. I never did!”

It was hard for Ronnie to talk about such topics, so she got riled up quiet easily

“You, at least, have a good mother figure. You should respect it instead of making problems out of nothing!”

“So, I’m the bad one now?!”

“I didn’t say that” she sat on the bed “I just… I’ll do anything to have someone like Stephanie. Even if she would be my stepmom. Maybe it’s high time you appreciated it?!”

“Well, maybe you still need someone who will replace your mother, but I don’t! I’m capable of being on my own”

Ellie’s eyes widened with terror, as she realized what she just said. Ronnie said nothing. She only stood up before the woman could grab her hand

“Ronney… I-”

“I’ll take a walk” she said walking towards the door

“Baby?” she wanted to go after her

“Don’t! It’s enough for today. I need some fresh air”

“Ronnie I didn’t mean...”

The girl shook her head leaving the room.

Ronnie didn’t know where to go, so she simply went to the terrace. She smoked 2 cigarettes, before Stephanie appeared.

“What are you doing here? I thought you’re with Ellie in your room”

“Well” she shrugged “We argued”

“What happened?” she came closer

Ronnie looked at her. She barely managed to hold her tears back.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s not my business probably”

“No. It’s okay”

Stephanie smiled friendly

“I’ll bring you a blanket, so we can sit here and talk. If you want of course” the older woman said

Ronnie nodded. And after a while Stephanie was back with a fluffy material.

“Here you are, sweetheart”

“Thank you”

Stephanie only smiled making her way to the chairs and pointing at the girl to sit down too.

“Ellie is… an incredible person, but it’s hard to get to her sometimes”

“Yeah. It is” she agreed

“She acts like she doesn’t care, but she does”

“Yes, I know. You see, I tried to get to her many times. I wanted… I don’t know. Just I treat her as if she were my own child, even though I know she hates me for some reason…”

“She thinks you wanted to  replace her mother”

“I… I did not. I have never wanted it. I knew I won’t be able to replace Amanda – I’m nothing like her. But I  hoped that maybe we could at least befriend. You know, it’s good to have someone…”

“Yes. I know, but she doesn’t understand how it is when you have to be on your own for the whole time. And she probably thinks it’s stupid that I want such person…” she wiped her cheek, as she could feel the tears escaping her eyes

“She doesn’t. She loves you”

“But she said so”

“What? What do you mean?” she offered her hand to the girl and Ronnie gladly took it

“That I’m not capable of being on my own. That I cannot take care of myself and so on… But you know, I’m just tired of it. I had to do this for my whole life. I love her. I really do, but it hurt”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sure she didn’t mean it. She was probably nervous and wasn’t thinking about what she’s saying”

“Yeah… It is probably too much for the one night. First, Lena almost called me a monster and said I will never be a good mother and now Ellie”

“I don’t know you good enough, but I’m sure you’ll be a great mother one day. You’re caring and full of love that you’re eager to give to someone”

“But I don’t know if I want it”

“You’re young. You have a lot of time to think about it. And if you won’t want to carry the baby, you can always think about adoption. Ellie has never wanted to talk to me, so I’m not experienced when it comes to such conversations. But it’s okay to not being sure about something. It’s okay to have doubts. We’re all only humans – we all make mistakes”

As the door shut Ellie broke down. She was devastated – not only because of a painful memories, but because she hurt the most important person in her life. She did it in the worst of possible ways and couldn’t get over it. She cried for some time and when the tears didn’t want to fall any more she was just laying in bed. She was thinking. Recalling everything that Ronnie said. Maybe she was right. She definitely was – of course. Ronnie was younger, but was probably one of the most intelligent people Ellie knew. The woman sometimes wondered how it could be – that she knows so much. That she knows what to say, how to act in certain situations – when even she – the great psychiatrist didn’t.

She began to think of Stephanie – how she was always there for her, but she was too stubborn to appreciate it. It hit her all at once and she felt terrible.

She was brought back from her thoughts by a light knock to the door. Ellie stood up slowly and opened. It was Stephanie

“Hi” the older woman smiled “I just want to tell you that Ronnie fell asleep on the couch. So, don’t worry about her. She’s… well, hurt, but safe” she smiled and wanted to leave

“Wait” Ellie stopped her

“What is it?”

“Thank you”

“Not for what” she smiled “But you should apologise to her – whatever happen. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. Just apologise and tell her you love her. She deserves it”

Ellie moved to the woman and surprised her with a hug

“Thank you for everything” she said

Stephanie didn’t know how to act at first, but soon she hugged her back.

“I’m sorry” Ellie sobbed

“Shhh. Don’t cry. It’s okay”

“D-do you think I can go to her now?”

“I think you can”

“Thanks” she pulled away wiping her tears and chuckling a bit embarrassed with the whole situation

_______________

“Hey” Ellie whispered kneeling in front of the sleeping girl

Ronnie opened her eyes slowly

“I…” she wanted to say something

“No, no. It’s my fault. You were right about everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. It didn’t come out properly. I know you are able to be on your own, but you don’t have to. I don’t want you to. I want you to rely on me, always. No matter what happens. I love you.”

“I love you too”

At this Ellie kissed her.

“Will you come back to bed with me? I cannot sleep without you by my side”

“I will” she hugged her

The psychiatrist smiled and lifted her almost effortlessly. Ellie carried her to their room and made sure the girl slept as close as possible to her that night.  

[randomnumbers751650]

So, I'm writing this because I'm trying to understand psychological horror, focusing on two animes from last year: Angels of Death and Happy Sugar Life. I wanted to write this because I got inspired by discussions on the Netflix's Ted Bundy show, Explanation Point's video on HSL (which made me watch it), and because I made the mistake of reading AoD's prequel manga Episode 0. Spoilers abound.

Due to way I was raised, I have difficulty in understanding stories that villains are the protagonists. Why would anyone cheer for them? Sure, there are many logical arguments, like the attempt to understand how his mind works and the cathartic feeling of being able to do feelings you know you'd be wrong. I have a RP blog and I once talked to with a friend on trying to understand how musing an utterly despicable muse could be so cathartic and she wondered if it's because it allows her to vent her stress and negative feelings on fictional characters, instead of real people. Logically, it makes sense, but I still feel odd about it.

I first watched Angels of Death because I really enjoyed the portrayal one of my best friends in the RPC had of the protagonist, Rachel Gardner. I honestly think it was a well-written anime, Rachel telling Zack that they weren't tools and the climax with the building on fire were my favorite moments. AoD also had a great advantage because it was self-aware, the banter between Rachel and Zack was pretty hilarious, and Cathy and Danny were also evilly funny. I always wondered how AoD managed to get to be an anime and Ib not...

Also, another thing that AoD makes sure to show is that every single named member of the cast is a murderer, and the man behind everything judges himself God for the sake of an experiment. It shows Zack murdering people in flashbacks and enjoying every single minute of it. In fact, the biggest plot twist is that the apparently innocent Rachel is probably the most dangerous murderer of them, the moment when she tries to kill Zack in her floor was a moment that actually got me on the edge of my seat (said event was properly foreshadowed).

When I say all characters of AoD are well-written, I say this in a "technical" sense - given their backstories, they act in a way consistent to what they are. Zack had a really crappy childhood and turned into a murderer; Danny was bullied and indirectly caused his mother's suicide; Cathy is subconsciously guided by a desire to punish sinners that caused her parents' death; Eddie was rejected so hard that he saw killing what he liked as the only way to preserve; and Rachel also had a crappy childhood, but parents who hated each other and killing her father in self-defense just broke her, her emotionless insanity is what guides her death wish (funnily enough, it doesn't seem that Gray has anything but a god complex). In other words, while they might be nearly a caricature, they still show to act on motives that make sense for them.

The question that guides the series is "what does it mean to be human?" In the end, we all want to avoid loneliness, as Gray says to Danny while the building explodes. Danny had a really pathetic death - he was a "love to hate" villain, even if he had a childhood excuse, nowhere implies that we should sympathize with him, on the contrary, he's one of the creepiest waste of air type of characters - if we showed his portrait in the game, one could put a sub "Most Likely to be a Pedophile").

But then I decided to read the prequel manga. I hated it. A lot. The characters are nothing but violent dicks to each other, in a grand scheme to get the role of "angel" in Gray's experiment (I used to muse Dr. Danny in my RP blog, it was fun to protray him as a pathetic peepermaniac, but I lost my drive after it). It doesn't try to be nuanced or anything else, but I guess if the objective was to remind us that the characters were murderous scum, it succeeded. The effect was so bad on me, that made me question the entire point of AoD itself.

I thought about this for a while. In Aod, we're basically siding with two murderers and Zack's popularity is immense, he's a Chad of murderers. The question is why?

It would be easy to dismiss his popularity as an example of the "bad boy fantasy", mostly associated with women who latches on a "bad boy" type in hopes of "fixing him", but that alone is insufficient to explain (and although it's usually recognized as a 'feminine fantasy', I want to avoid any implication of sexism, even though I don’t doubt this has been discussed in woman’s studies).

At point a friend of mine linked me Explanation Point's video on Happy Sugar Life. Why is Satou, a murderer and near pedophile (near pedophile because she doesn't engage in actual sexual activities with Shio, but it's not less disturbing), a sympathetic character? I won't recap the entire video here, but Satou is sympathetic because of many factors, such as the fact almost everyone around her is worse (arrogant rapist manager, sadomasochist actual ebebophile Danny's long lost brother, lolicon, an actual succubus in human form, obssessed copycat stalker, mad artist - the only developed characters that save themselves are Shoko and Asahi (and not 100% in his case, his determination was his downfall) - I honestly dislike Shio because she's annoying), had a crappy childhood, and that she seems sincere in her feelings for Shio.

The issue, in the end, it's about the way it's framed. Lindsay Ellis has a pretty good video on framing, on explaining how Mikaela actually had potential to be a well-written character in the first Michael Bay’s Transformers movie, but it was ruined by the way she was framed - as mere fanservice, instead of a strong character. The same principle applies to Happy Sugar Life, just pay attention to the way Satou is framed, as a strong character, in “pure” love, flowers appears on the screen when she’s thinking of Shio.

Framing is one reason why HSL failed or, at least, lost a part of its power as a cautionary tale. In the last episode, the way her imagination exploded with images of what her happy life with Shio could be, sprinkled by sappy imagery. Even if Satou killed herself to save Shio as a way to defy her aunt, it still gives a mixed message.

If we apply EP’s argument on Satou to Zack, I think we have even better “case” for Zack. Let’s count the reasons why one should sympathize with Zack:

Antagonists (Danny and Cathy) are worse people

Strong and powerful, to the point of turning into a shonen protagonist when cutting rocks in the last episode

Has a code of honor, only kills people who are laughing

Has standards, refuses to accept godhood from Rachel

Enjoys what he does, he’s probably the most sincere character of the cast

Has a twisted sense of humor

Has a sad backstory, that offered the chance of following another path (but the old man died)

Recognizes he’s messed up

Ridiculously loyal to Ray in the end

We never get to see the PoV of his victims and when we do, the frame actually makes Zack sympathetic - for example, the woman in his flashback, we see her lying to him and him killing her for it - it’s a bad thing, but the scene is framed in a way that Zack is the offended party (it was his PoV anyway)

He’s hot - granted this only works for the anime, because in the game he was some sort of tall mummy gremlin

As another friend of mine said, when I brought this to her, in the end you’re kind of cheering for them to escape police and continue murdering others. And, in the end, they do get away - Zack (and Ray, to some extent) is never punished for his crimes, even though the ending is ambiguous most people believe they escaped anyway.

In HSL we have a similar situation: even though Satou killed herself, Shio is still irreparably damaged, preferring to live her “happy sugar life” in her head than the real world. In fact, HSL’s ending is one of the most hopeless that I’ve ever seen recently, that the entire surviving cast is apparently beyond repair (as worse as Shio worse is Taiyo - it’s quite rare to portray female on male abuse on such a realistic way, any other anime would make a semi-hentai scenario on him, but here, I wouldn’t be surprise if he died starving himself to death in his room). HSL’s ending managed to be much more hopeless than AoD’s ending.

But, returning to Zack, the way his story is framed makes him a sympathetic character. However, while I argue that Zack is a well-written character, he’s not a very realistic one for one simple reason: he’s too conspicuous to be a successful serial killer, he’s too loud and messy; actual serial killers are methodic people, they plan a lot to not leave clues. Meanwhile, Zack is dumb as a rock, which might add him being an escapist character another trait of him.

And that’s where the comparison with Ted Bundy enters. It might be a stretch comparing a fictional character with a real person, but I still think it has some merit. While I haven’t seen the Netflix series, I read the debate on whether it glorifies Bundy or not. Basically the way the series frames Bundy is an argument for the glorification, but the interview with the victims who escaped him and loved ones of his victims is an argument against it. But the fact remains that both have their fans.

If we criticize Bundy’s fans for not noticing how much of a pathetic and deranged person he actually was, why can’t we do the same for Zack’s fans? Well the fact that one is real and the other fictional might be one reason, and being fictional he acts as an outlet for our own frustrations and tendencies just as I discussed with my friend above, but I feel that alone is insufficient, there must be a further reason... but I can’t think of anything else. Otherwise an argument has the danger of turning into the fallacy “videogames make kids violent” sort of thing.

One thing that has to consider is that both AoD and HSL are psychological thriller/horror series. If Zack, Ray and Satou got caught, the shows would be lesser works of art, because one function of psychological horror is to challenge our perceptions of justice.

Horror challenges our perceptions of safety and we are used to the bad guys being punished in the end, it’s a safe assumption. Instead, in horror, the bad guys get away and might be sympathetic, making us sympathetic to their getaway. It’s horror in the sense our own safe perceptions of morality and justice are twisted upside down.

I could go on and approach the thorny question of whether AoD glorifies murderers and HSL glorifies yanderes with children, but this essay is already getting too big, so I leave it for another occasion.