#kind of geek therapy

[madameminor]

WHY I DON'T LIKE TECH x PHEE: An unintentional essay

Alright, yall, I've figured it out on my end. I think. I just need to get some of this out so that I can move past it. I'm not even gonna tag it under tech x phee, cause you know what, I don't want to harsh the mellow over in that space, I'm just voicing what I've discovered.

This is long.

Wanda Sykes: I LOOOOOVE Wanda Sykes, love her - love her so much that I can't see anyone else with her voice. A 60 year old lesbian comedian... and you want to make her a 20 something pirate captain flirting with a male cl- no. No. Capital N. O. Like, I thought she and Rhea Perlman were going to be a fun comedic, older duo playing off of each other. Or that they'd have some sort of sassy relationship. But instead she's a coy, fun adventurer who starts to join in TBB family? Nope. No. Didn't sell it for me. Gimme someone else, might have worked. Try Anika Noni Rose, or if you need that star factor, Halle Barry or Beyonce or, for fucks sake LIZZO (can you imagine her beautiful voice as Phee? OOOO I just shivered. Loved her as the Duchess, but her as Phee! Instantly WAAAAY more excited about that character.) Not Wanda Fucking Sykes (like I said, LOVE her. But no. Choices.)

The Build Up: You guys. We are all literally writers. Where were the beats? Where were the moments? You naturally want there to be a moment the audience goes 'ooooooh yeah ok I see it'. IT HAPPENED WITH HUNTER. The next day I remember quite a few of us going 'OMG YES!!! Yes, totally ship that, saw the chemistry with Phee and Hunter! Into iiiiit.' I resisted that one too, cause of the Wanda Sykes thing, but you know what? IT. WORKED. I went with it cause it worked. Was actually kind of excited. Was looking forward to the fics. Did not happen once with Tech, never saw anyone go 'oh look at that chemistry between pirate and genius'. NOPE BTW SUDDENLY THEY'RE ALL TEASING TECH AND TECH AND PHEE ARE IN A SCENE AND THIS IS ALL ABOUT THESE TWO TAH DAAAAH! No. Nope. Not how it works. Feels like my favorite is getting the shitty end of the romance arc stick. Fuck off, no. We have all written better.

Toxic Matchup: The way Phee (see dude, I almost wrote Wanda. Thats how much I can't not see her in this character) treats Tech. One of my mutuals on here, @shadestepping, put it perfectly - "It’s because instead of understanding who tech is as a person and being respectful of how his mind works, she tries to force him to mask because it’s what she wants/it makes communicating with him easier". The example that keeps popping into my head is when Phee sarcastically says "when two people are talking its called a conversation". My eyebrows shot UP, like, this is one of the FIRST THINGS YOU LEARN about Tech- his face is in his datapad. Treating him like an idiot (which is what it sounds like in Wanda voice) because he is doing what he is always doing is not ok (seriously, WTF, dude?). Another mutual, @dumfanting agreed and shared how that hit them: "As someone whose been forced to mask for her entire life, that is wrong and damaging and perpetuates the idea that we as austitics are only worthy of love if we continue to suppress ourselves." And it really doesn't have to be that way. I can rewrite every scene they are in together, still have her be sassy, have her show interest and respect for who he is, and still move him out of his comfort zone. I will do it, if I need to, just to prove it. If the writers are trying to give her some growth too, cool, then TAKE THE TIME TO DO THAT - instead we only hear how HE's being taken out of his comfort zone. How about HER? You want to be with him? Maybe you have to meet him half way, honey

Ultimately, I could have gotten behind this if it was done another way - but the way they went about it missed so many marks. And for my man, that's unacceptable to me. He deserves the best, not something thrown together.

I have spoken.

(Ok, I think that is out of my system.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for planning to go to a convention without my partner even though we usually go together?

My partner (21 NB) and I usually always attend different conventions around our area together. We like to dress up in costumes, get pics with celebrity guests, and go to panels and meet-ups and all the fun convention activities together. The problem is.... this past year has been really hard for them mental health wise, and it has kind of sucked the fun out of going to conventions for both of us.

They have diagnosed ADHD and anxiety/depression, as well as what we think is autism, but they are undiagnosed. If I thought they were having a good time attending conventions, I would worry less, but the crowds of people and the noise overstimulates them and they've told me that they feel unsettled with that that many strangers around. They've had a range of minor to major panic attacks at each of the conventions that we've attended for the past year or so.

I usually try to be really supportive of their mental health. They have come a long, long way from the deep depression they were in back in high school, and they have worked hard to get their ADHD recognized and properly medicated, and I'm really proud of them. I have anxiety myself, so I feel like I understand at least a little bit of what they are typically dealing with, in a small way.

However, I also absolutely adore going to conventions. I convince myself every morning to get up and go to work by telling myself that "I'm working to fund my next cosplay," or whatever. A little self-motivation, you know. Costumes and conventions are my biggest hobby. Though I attend multiple conventions, every one is different in its own way, so it feels like it only comes once a year.

And this is where I might be a bit of an AH. I know my partner can't control their mental health, but I feel like I miss out on a lot of the convention whenever they have a panic attack or get overstimulated and I have to sit with them until they feel better. And yes, I know that sounds really bad, and I should care about my partner's well-being more than seeing a panel or a celebrity guest, but conventions are my "once a year getaway" from reality and typical life and all that. I don't really take any other vacations, and I don't really get to interact with any other nerds/geeks/weebs/lovely fandom people except at conventions because my anxiety is mostly social anxiety, and talking to people is hard and social media is intimidating.

So.... I did some thinking, and there are two, maybe three conventions that I'm planning to attend this next year without my partner. I'm not planning on telling them that I'm going without them, I was just planning on not mentioning it at all. I think if I tell them outright that I'm going without them, they'll take it personally and I don't want to upset them. If they ask for a reason that we're not going, I can just say it's financial, which isn't exactly a lie, because I did take a pay cut at work not too long ago. And my partner doesn't work due to their mental health, so I always fund or costumes and tickets and hotels. But I don't want to give that reason outright either, because I don't want to lie unless I have to.

There are two or three other conventions that we go to yearly that we'll still go to together, so I feel like they'll still get to attend and we'll get to go together, but I'll also have my "alone time" at the other conventions and get to do things I don't usually get to do, like late-night events.

If it's worth anything, my therapist supports my idea, because she thinks it'll force me out of my shell a little bit, and force me to stop using my partner as a "social crutch" if I go alone, making it like exposure therapy for my social anxiety.

So tumblr... AITA for wanting to go to a couple of conventions without my partner due to their mental health and my fear of missing out?

What are these acronyms?

[shegeekery]

Reparenting Loki

I want to talk about a dynamic in the Loki/Mobius relationship (in the Loki TV-series) that I've seen touched on but not really discussed in depth.

Note to Lokius-lovers: nothing I say here in any way precludes a healthy romantic relationship. They're both consenting adults, after all, and this wasn't a formal therapist-client relationship.

There's a technique in therapy called "reparenting". The idea is that trauma and behaviors caused by bad parenting can be addressed to some extent if the therapist assumes the role of a "good parent".

I think we can all agree that the "All-Father" was crap as an actual father. Odin knew that Loki took after him even more than Thor did, but many of those shared traits were things that he tried to hide from everyone, while Thor better represented the image he wanted to project. The result was a cruel favoritism, which was picked up by Thor and the rest of the Asgardians. Frigga's love and support wasn't enough to counteract that cruelty, particularly in a strongly patriarchal society like Asgard.

Side note (because I'm that kind of geek): there were so many similarities between Odin and Loki (Odin's friend and blood-brother rather than his son) in the old Norse myths that some scholars have suggested that Loki was at one point simply an aspect of Odin. There's also evidence that the stories as they came down to us were manipulated by the Christians who committed them to writing to shoehorn Loki into something more like the Christian Devil.

Anyway, getting back to our guys... Within the context of the TVA, Mobius represented an authority figure to Loki, who had a long history of rebelling against (or betraying) authority for obvious reasons.

I think the first turning point in the relationship for Loki was:

Loki: I am smart!

Mobius: I know. Loki is rarely left speechless, but his only response to Mobius's simple affirmation was a very un-Loki-like "Okay..." He didn't know how to respond because he wasn't used to that kind of thing, particularly from someone who had power over him. It happened again with:

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

The dynamic between these two people throughout Season 1 was like that. Mobius's genuine love (whether you read it as romantic, platonic, fatherly, brotherly, or a mix of any or all of these) for and non-judgmental acceptance of Loki was apparent from the start, but of course Loki's experiences during his very long lifetime made it nearly impossible for him to trust that until Mobius's actions convinced him that it was real. Learning to trust Mobius also allowed Loki to see himself in a new light.

For his part, Mobius consistently modeled what a good father would have been: loving and accepting, yes, but still able to apply "tough love" when that was warranted. Mobius didn't put Loki into the bad-memory loop to punish him because he was angry (though he was angry, or at least a bit hurt and disappointed). He was just trying to force Loki to acknowledge a truth about himself so that they could move forward — and it worked!

Mobius's instincts and experience as an actual father to two boys, one reasonably well-behaved and the other a mischievous troublemaker, served him well in this, even if he didn't consciously remember his life on the timeline.

Mobius all but confirmed this when he said:

Mobius:  I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold... 

It's also significant that when Loki brought this up later, he called it "patronizing", which we usually use to mean "condescending", but can also mean "supporting" and has its root in the Latin word "pater" (father).

I see the hug in episode 1-5 as a sign that the reparenting had taken hold, and that Loki, while not completely healed (it would take a lot more than that!), was at least in a place where he could trust someone, accept love/friendship, and think beyond his own wants and needs.

By Season 2, the relationship between the two men was evolving into one of equals, but even then Loki still occasionally looked to Mobius for guidance. Mobius's approval had become important to him. When Loki witnessed the firm but compassionate way in which Don dealt with two boys who were so like himself and Thor (despite being a stressed-out single dad rather than a god-king with tremendous resources at his disposal), he had to have seen that this was at the core of who Mobius was. Moreover, Loki — and any viewers who had similarly survived a traumatic childhood full of emotional abuse and neglect — probably guessed that Don himself was a survivor who was determined to see to it that his boys would never have to deal with that. If that was the case, then Mobius didn't just see his own son in Loki. He saw himself and couldn't help but empathize.

Don wasn't perfect. His frustration with his younger son was very evident, but Loki, observing, could see the love that lay under it. He may even have thought of times when Odin was driven to anger by Loki's actions and realized that the anger didn't necessarily mean that Odin didn't really love him. Learning to forgive what can be forgiven is another aspect of recovering from childhood trauma.

It's worth remembering that Mobius knew Loki in much the same way we do. We got to see the things that Loki never let anybody see: the fear, the vulnerability, the pain, the longing, and the sadness. (Doesn't hurt that TH can turn a simple reaction shot into a freakin' soliloquy!) The difference is that, while we only get to see the highlights (and lowlights) of Loki's life, Mobius had access to all of it and he had centuries to study it.

Mobius literally knew Loki better than anyone else in (or out) of the multiverse. How could he not love him? And for Loki, knowing that somebody who knew him that well genuinely cared so much for him (same with Sylvie, who understood him in ways that only another Loki could and vice-versa) had to have shaken him to his core and made him rethink a lot of things. The fact that it was Mobius to whom Loki turned in episode 2.6 when he thought he might have to kill Sylvie shows how much he still looked up to Mobius in many ways.

This was a show about redemption, yes, but also about healing from childhood trauma. They did an amazing job with it.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Hewwo!

I'ts me again.

I had this idea for a while now, but how do you think the Tokyo Rev boys would react if they like, get teleported in our world were all their life is just a maga/anime, and they find out by meeting the reader who is also an awful simp for them?(They have like shirts, posters, action figures, an maybe like the tattoos also?, and is just an otaku- geek).

If you decide to do it could you please do it with Baji, Draken, Mikey and Kazutora?+ Others if you want.

Sorry if this is long, and specific, but I need it so baddddd😩😩😩

Ohh this is funny! Lmao they'd probably be so confused, well some more then others...

Mikey- is very confused, doesn't know how he got here or what to do about it. He isn't too concerned though, knows Draken can take care of the gang until he can figure out a way back. Fiddles about with all the merch, picking up random things and examiming them. If you don't have the most merch of him then he will pout, wants to know where his merch taiyaki maker is and isn't happy when you tell him it doesn't exist. Completely ignores exploring around and just decides to sleep in your bed instead. Will ask you to bring him food and tie his hair for him when he wakes up (have fun being the new Draken).

Baji- "what the fuck" he says it so often that it might as well be his new catchphrase. He seems angry about the whole situation, not wanting to waste time in our world when he's got so much to do in his world. If you have any Kisaki merch then hide it or he will break it. Calms down a bit either because you have a cat or if you don't then you use cooking to distract him. He's a bit short tempered but is a good guy so he'll help you with anything you need while he's here but in return asks you to help him find a way home.

Kazutora (post valhalla)- Is sooooo confused. One minute he was in juvie and the next minute he's here. Has conflicting feelings about this, he enjoys not being locked up but also wants to serve his sentence. Also worries about his progress in therapy and what leaving means. Once he gets over the shock he becomes quite curious, asking you questions, wanting to go outside with you to look around, playing about with the merch (it doesn't last long though he goes quiet when looking at the Baji merch and then the rest of toman).

Draken- Thinks this is some kind of dream or prank at first, gets frustrated when he eventually realises it isn't though. Probably punches a wall or something before realising he's probably scaring you and apologising. Isn't really interested in the merch but will politely listen as you show him things (flicks over a Hanma plushie when he thinks you're not looking). Actually contemplates reading the manga to find out what happens but decides against it. When he realises he's probably stuck here for a while he asks you to show him around your neighbourhood (he wants to check out what motorbikes are like in this world).

[tennfan2]

Oh shit. This is absolutely wild. This blog literally changed the entire course of my life.

I started this as a vanilla hypnosis blog, because I wanted to make content for other people who were just really interested in hypnosis. It’s easy to read that and chuckle; I get it.

But like: me of 2013 knew I was very into hypnosis but was also stuck in decades of shame and self-loathing about this kink. I dare not call it a kink; I’d only told three people about it, all of whom were my long time partners when I told them.

I hated myself for this thing I loved, but I was also deeply, fundamentally *interested* in it, not just as a turn-on, but as a need. I wanted—I still want—to know everything about hypnosis.

At the time, finding blogs that were actually SFW about hypnosis was like water in the desert. My friend Cam’s blog was kind of my inspiration, and he was really my first “friend” on here.

Over time, I connected with so many lovely folks and I’d read and interact with folks on the NSFW side of hypno-tumblr. As I read their stories and and scene logs, I felt less ashamed. These were normal people doing a thing they loved. (I’ve written a ton about the particular influence of @hypno-sandwich on that journey.)

Eventually, I joined some Skype groups, went to a local hypnokink meetup and then to a con, and the rest is history. My life is fundamentally different and better for my time here.

I still keep this blog very close to SFW because I know there are more people like I was—folks who are working through shame and fear; they seek that essentially every hypnosis geek who isn’t doing therapy is doing it for kink, and that’s a profoundly isolating feeling. I’m less SFW than I was, but I still believe that making space that lets people ease in and see that there’s a space for them is important and valid.

It’s quieter here now, and I do less scene logging than I once did. But I still treasure this place and this community. Thanks to all of you who made me better for being here.

[wondero28]

Hey wonder, I hope you’re doing well :> Idk if you still continue the 4town Fboy series but my friends and I are still wild over it. It’s truly An amazing series!!

I was wondering what’s something the person the boys are interested in could do to make them fold or show genuine interest in them?

I’ve risen from the dead I suppose!

Im still around. Still invested in 4town. Still think about them daily lol

But truthfully i’ve moved on from the fboy 4town thing, it was originally just a bad joke that i kept writing for cause it kept getting traction & i liked the attention. i was having fun with it at the time, but now its just kinda goofy & feels a little awkward. I made them too sympathetic originally lol, but this is the first writing request ive had in such a long time. I really don’t mind doing it.

Just know this is the last time ill probably ever write for fboy town, it’ll be kept short too^^ Maybe ill go back & revisit those designs i made for them & repurpose it, maybe not!

Oh also, the genuine answer for this is that most of them WOULDNT get genuinely invested. Because they’re all emotionally fucked over guys who need therapy lol. But these headcanons humor the idea that they’d genuinely change

+

You’re free to write your own fboy shenanigans based off what I originally did too. I dont mind. You don’t need to credit either, i think id just like to leave these guys behind after this /lh

Either way, its nice to see someone here again 💜

——

What the fboys are attracted to + what might make them fall

—

Robaire

- genuinely? he’s attracted to independence

- Like its a little silly & a little cliche but Robaire is kind of only genuinely invested in people who give 0 shits about him. He’s not used to someone not caring about his status, money, or power. But when a person is independent & confident in themself, when they mind their own business and simply dont fucking perceive him as some sort of idol- he thinks its hot

- It drives him crazy though. He likes the worship and praise. Even if his friends are faux and he knows it, he likes feeling wanted and desired. And when someone doesn’t inherently just want him, he wants them even more

- So even if you DO want him, the best way to genuinely win him over is to treat him like a normal person. He doesn’t realize he wants to be treated like a peer or be seen as just a person & not an asset- but he does. He’ll be unbearable & act cocky while he interacts with you, but the more you treat him like just a normal person? The more of a person he actually starts to become 💀

- Any specific actions that would affect him are probably just like… engaging with him on your own terms or showing interest in what he ACTUALLY likes to do.

- A lot of people dont actually know what Robaires interests are so he’s really unengaged socially in that regard. He’s a closet geek though, get him talking about his interests or show investment in his interests like a genuine friend & youll start to win him over in a genuine way

————

Jesse

- Jesse doesn’t show much tenderness, but he’s very attracted to it

- He’s got a habit of breaking hearts & having multiple people wrapped around his finger at once. Because Jesse’s kind of genuinely incapable of being tender in a way thats meaningful with someone (aside from his kids & the guys), he’s really lacking in any true emotional intimacy

- He’s very VERY alone in that sense.

- His heart’s been broken in a very honest and true way so he’s kind of given up on finding that intimacy too. Its sad & sucks lol. But because of that struggle he has a much more genuine attraction to tenderness

- To win him over with tenderness, showing politeness or interest without expecting romance or sex wins him over, denying either from him makes him go wild. Jesse’s generally wanted because he’s attractive & suave, but if someone sees him as a person outside of that then he’s really into it. Honest to the gods he just wants a friend. He’ll never admit that though

- But for another genuine romance? He needs you to be a friend. A tender & patient one.

- Specific actions to win him over are small and easy, show interest in his day. Show interest in what his classes have been like or offer him a space to speak. He’ll try so hard to flip it around into a flirting game but eventually he’ll break & just start to like,, interact with you in more meaningful ways

————

Tae Young

- Tae Young both likes & needs someone with a dominant personality & passion for themself/their interests

- Short and simply put: Tae Young gets bored of people easy 💀. He needs someone who 1. Can keep him on his toes and 2. Challenge his personal sense of authority. A dominant & passionate person is PERFECT for that. Having someone who can spontaneously do something on their own & then proudly show it off is just what Tae needs in his life

- He thinks spontaneity is attractive and he loves a dominant personality to try and stand up against. A friendly sense of competition with someone, someone he can perceive as a peer or “on his level” is someone he’s wildly attracted to. And trust me, he WILL try to challenge your dominance and authority if you’re that kind of person. So dont step down, snap back at him! He loves it, it keeps him excited

- The harsh truth is that Tae simply isn’t genuinely engaged with most interactions he has because he has such a hard time connecting with people in a meaningful way. He likes being popular cause it keeps things constantly moving in his life & gives him opportunities to find brief engagement

- So just,, he needs someone who can do that. He’ll become genuinely attached to them, and then eventually find everything they do interesting

- Specific actions can be simply engaging with Tae & telling HIM about YOUR activities. If you get excited and energetic enough about it, he’ll match that energy & find interest in it. He’ll likely tell you about his own misadventures and if you can engage with him on that then you’ll have him hooked on you

————

Aaron T

- Aaron T needs someone to calm him the fuck down. He doesnt want it per say, but he NEEDS it

- Aaron T is, for lack of better words, a bit too much. He’s got all the friends, all the ego, and all the charisma to combine and make the dumbest but most charming motherfucker you’ll ever meet. He’s not stupid, just dumb. And he does dumb shit for the sake of fun & enjoyment. He needs someone who can keep up with him & either catch him when he falls or stop him from doing the dumb thing to begin with

- Being that kind of person isn’t easy, keeping up with T & being close enough to him to read him is hard. But when you’re close enough to do that? Well gosh, you probably already have him hooked

- T wont ever admit it, but he so so badly wants someone to care about him enough to tell him no. Its weird, because he hates it and Will usually just do what he wants, but theres a certain comfort he finds in knowing someone wants him safe and sound

- And the longer someone can keep up with him the more T will start to wind down & relax. He’s still dumb & stubborn as all hell, but he’ll listen to whoever cares enough to try and watch out for him where most others dont.

- Specific actions that may really win him over are being there to patch him up after a stupid stunt or literally blocking his way to keep him from going somewhere. He’ll be pissy in the moment, but hours later he’ll be so much more tender in private if given the opportunity

————

Aaron Z

- honest to god this man is easy & the least problematic. But Z both wants & needs someone who’s patient & understanding

- He’s simply not someone who believes in settling down anymore + he’s in a part of his life where a lot is changing and evolving. He wants someone to rely on, but he NEEDS room to grow and have spontaneity. He cant do commitment right now and when things start to feel too tense he flees from the relationship (romantic or not, he’s even flighty with his friends sometimes)

- So Z really flourishes with someone who can be there for him without “tying him down”. He wants freedom and he’s very attracted to people who offer the attention he wants from relationships while also being patient enough to let him explore. He needs someone who wont nag him about expressing his genuine feelings because honestly they aren’t always pretty but he’s not going to move forward without getting to express them.

- So to really win him over, someone needs to be able to listen to him even when he’s not verbally speaking. He needs his freedom but he needs a stable person to return to at the end of the day (starting as friends or not, its not easy to fill this role)

- Specific actions to win him over arent easy. But quality time based on things HE may want to do (but be too shy to always directly request) is good. Or just offering him quality time to unwind & relax with may help

- He starts to open up more and more as time goes on. He’ll become more emotionally available the safer he feels with someone who offers him room to grow without judgement

[lesbiantahani]

🤡 - ur an unsub! congrats on ur absolute clown behaviour

💅 - penelope garcia- fruity little kind hearted geek who probably has a hyper fixation, i want to study you in a lab

🌈 - emily prentiss - gay ass!!! you have insane mommy issues and can never decide on a hair style. you also pine. like a lot. it's embarrassing

🔪 - elle greenaway- omg ur so cool. u have that vague sexy aura about you. but please get therapy oh my god

🔫 - spencer reid- you probably still say "finger guns in bisexual". also daddy issues

👑 - aaron hotchner- being cynical as a personality trait is soooo 2005. but king behaviour fr all day

🌷 - jennifer jareau- chin up queen ur crown is falling. loyal as hell. ur probably a younger sibling. yes, we can tell.

💣 - david rossi - oh my god I don't even know what to say, sorry if you picked this emoji praying for you dead ass

💖 - derek morgan- you love yourself so much I can't even be mad, ur confidence is inspiring. pls stop judging everyone around u tho omg

✈️ - victim - yowch!!! that sucks for you, at least you know ur killer will 100% be brought to justice

[justmeinadaze]

Unattainable Part XIII (Eddie X Theater Girl)

A/N: I am going to go cry now lol I do have one future idea for these 2 but I'm going to wait awhile before I write that. I attached a playlist of some songs got me thinking about them when I was working WISHING I was writing instead lol To all the people that said that they understood and related to Theater Girl...you are loved and beautiful. I hope you find (or found) the happiness that she herself was searching for <3 Warnings: Trauma mentions with Theater Girls parents. Mentions of alcoholism and treatment. Eddie and Theater girl being cute. Word Count: 3053

I dance on my toes outside of Ms. O’Donnell’s classroom waiting for the period to end. The bell rings as kids swarm outside into the hall. I see the familiar Dio vest and pull the leather clad arm it belongs to.

“Fucking hell!” Eddie shrieks as he stumbles into me. I giggle, pulling him down for a quick kiss. 

“So?”

“So what?”

“Don’t you do that, Eddie Munson!” I shout after him as he starts walking down the hall towards his locker. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, my lady.” I can hear the playful tone in his voice. 

“Eddie! I’m the actor not you. Come on now. I’ve been waiting forever!”

He furrows his eyebrows as he sucks in his bottom lip. “Oh! You’re talking about the final I took?” He reaches into his jacket pocket and unfolds a piece of paper, holding it up proudly. “I got a C-.”

I squeal with delight as I jump into his arms wrapping my arms and legs around him. “Oh my god, baby! I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it!”

“It’s all because of you. You helped me study and stuff.”

“Eddie, you did this. This was all you.” He guides me back to my feet, kissing my forehead. 

####################

“Hey.” My mother says softly from my door frame. “Eddie’s here to pick you up.” I thank her as I get up to grab my purse and take one last look in the mirror. Eddie and I were going to the annual end of the year party hosted by one of the seniors. Everyone was supposed to be there and even though he wasn’t a fan of that particular environment, Eddie wanted to hang out with his friends as much as possible before we left Hawkins. 

“I may not be home when you get back. I’m supposed to meet with a sponsor tonight and I have no idea how any of that works.” I gently smile at her admission. 

Since the evening with my father, she had been genuinely trying to get her act together. She started going to AA and regular therapy. She was home a lot more when she wasn’t at any of those places or work. My dad on the other hand seemed to get worse. I expected him to call constantly to try and talk to me but within the time frame of when I last saw him, he had only called once. I overheard my mother talking to him over the phone. 

“I am not telling her that, Danny. Are you kidding me? It’s her high school graduation…. No, you can break her heart if you want to but I’m done being that kind of parent.”

“You look beautiful, by the way.” She says reaching over to move a lose strand of hair behind my ear. I throw my arms around her, knocking her slightly off balance. This is new behavior for my mother that I’m praying works for her. If it doesn’t… at least I can saver it while it lasts. “Go on, now. Don’t keep him waiting.”

#######################

Eddie cringes slightly as he stares at the house we’re parked outside of. “Of course. Of course, it had to be Jason Carver’s house.”

“Just think of it this way. This is the last time you’ll have to see people like him on a day-to-day basis. Next time you see him will be, I don’t know, ten years from now at the reunion when he’s got a beer gut, working at his dad’s shitty company, ranting about how ‘these were the days’.” 

He beams over at me as he hops down from the driver’s side and comes around to open my door. “And by then, you and I will look all badass with your Grammy and my Oscar.” I loop my arm through his as we walk towards the party. “Everyone will be super jealous of the Freak and the Theater Geek.”

Eddie throws his head back as he cackles. “I think you just found the title for your autobiography!”

When we enter through the front door everything is already in full swing. Kids are drinking and dancing while others huddle within their cliques talking about futures they are ready to begin. Eddie finds his other Hellfire club seniors poolside by the keg and detaches from me to go join them. I find a couple of my theater friends and we sit on a few of the lawn chairs outside. I feel Eddie’s eyes occasionally checking in on me to make sure I’m ok, my knight in shining armor. 

After about an hour of mingling I notice the cup in my hand is empty. “I’m going to get some more. You guys, want anything?”

“Hey, would you mind running inside and grabbing one of those wine coolers from the fridge? I just love those.” My friend grins up at me as she puts her palms together as if she’s praying. I smile at her as I nod and make my way inside. 

Before I make it into the massive kitchen, someone grabs my wrist pulling me away. I look up to see Eddie’s wavy mane bouncing as we run up a flight of stairs. He places his index finger over his mouth in a shushing motion as he opens the door to a bedroom and guides me in with his hand on my lower back.

“Eddie!” I whisper as I giggle at him. “What are you doing?”

He locks the door behind him and leans down to gently kiss my lips. “I thought I’d give you a glimpse into 10 years from now.” 

“Aw, Eddie. That’s so gross.” I bat my eyes playfully at him as he sticks his tongue out at me. “This must be his parent’s room.” We start to wonder through taking in the surrounding. 

“Either that or a home for a small family. Jesus, this room is huge.”

“You think that’s huge? Look at this bathroom!” 

Eddie walked past me towards the walk-in closet. “Who even needs all the stuff?” He lets out a breathy laugh that causes me to turn my head and look at him. His face was smiling but something else shadowed over it in his eyes. I look back down towards the massive counter in front of me, reaching for the perfume, and squirting some away from my face. I lean in to sniff but pretend to start coughing. 

Eddie’s eyes glance toward me. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I wave my hand in front of my nose. “I don’t think that’s the perfume I’d wear on my husband’s big night.”

He takes a few steps out of the closet, looking at me like I’ve gone insane. “Um, did you get married between the bedroom door and the bathroom counter?”

I playfully look towards the ceiling as I pout my lips. “No. No, no.” I turn back towards the mirror and pretend to play with my hair. “You see, my husband is a famous guitarist. I’m sure you’ve heard of his band, Corroded Coffin?” I look at him through the mirror as slow grin spread across his face. 

“Actually, no, I don’t think I have.”, he plays along, crossing his arms as he takes a few steps towards me.

I dramatically gasp, “Sir! Well, then let me tell you, you are missing out. Their last single reached number 1! It’s amazing. I love it.” I gesture towards him. “And I’m not just saying that because I’m married to a member.”

Eddie comes up beside me and leans his back against the counter. I can see through his reflection that he’s looking down at me but I pretend not to notice. 

“And what about you, miss? How did a gorgeous, award winning, number one movie in America actress come to be with a heathen like that?” He paints the picture with his hands before intertwining them in front of him. 

“Sir! First of all, he is NOT a heathen. A dork maybe but…” He chuckles as he nods. “I remember the first time I saw him he was playing this really confusing game called Dungeons and Dragons.” I grab his arm. “Have you ever heard of it?”

“I know a thing or two.”

“Good because I don’t get a damn thing no matter how hard he tries to explain it. Anyway, I was staying late after school one night rehearsing and I heard these voices screaming at the top of their lungs ‘TO THE DEATH’.” I mimic them as I watch the side Eddie’s face in the mirror as he watches me. “Then this crazy man jumped on his throne style chair and was just so into what he was doing with his friends.” I smile at the memory. “I’d never seen anyone like him before. I was so jealous of his passion. The only thing I had ever been excited about was pretending to be someone I wasn’t for a couple of hours.” I feel my mind start to drift and I reel it back in. “Then the asshole ran into me knocking me over!”

Eddie’s fingers grab my shoulder and gently turn me to face him. “I didn’t know you saw all of that.”

“I did. I was behind the curtain. You, uh, you were very mesmerizing. And that was just from behind! When you looked at me with those beautiful eyes…” I shrug as I shake my head. “Ok! No more cute crap.” I giggle as I started to move for the bedroom but Eddie’s hand pulled me back towards him. In one swift motion, he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me on to the counter. 

“I know you like to pretend you’re not into the romantic gestures and all that ‘cute crap’ but I also know why you do.” He cups my face into his hands. “Now, no scrunched-up faces, no sass. Baby, I love you. You are amazing and beautiful. I’m glad you stalked me.” My face starts to turn as I laugh but he holds me firm in my place. “Ah! This is serious!” He grins as he drops his hands to my sides. 

“I love you.” I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’m glad you stalked me to. To be fair though, MY stalking was more effective. I mean I got your number in 24hrs. You said you first saw me two years ago so—”

He cuts me off with a kiss and I smile against his lips. “So, are you going to make love to me now on the bathroom counter or do I have to wait another few years?”

Eddie rolls his eyes as he starts to turn away. “I don’t know with that attitude—” I pull on his leather jacket bringing him back to me. He giggles in his throat as I let out a soft moan when I feel one of his hands glide up my thigh into my skirt. His fingers graze against the outside of my panties and he groans when he feels how wet they are. 

“Eddie, please.” His lips travel down my cheek to the side of my neck. 

“Oh no, babe. Right now, I’m Eddie the Grammy winning rockstar and you’re the award-winning actress.” His fingers slide behind the cotton blocking my center and runs them over my clit. I try to lean my forehead against him but he moves back slightly out of my reach as his other hand lightly grips my chin turning me to look directly at him. “So Miss, how do you want me?” Eddie’s fingers shift back down my core as he pushes two fingers into my entrance.

My hands fly out and grab his waist pulling him forward which he allows. “Do you want soft and romantic?” His fingers begin pumping slowly into me. “Or do you want it hard…and…rough?” Between every word he thrust his digits harder into me as I cried out. “I’m fine with either one.” His forehead connected with mine as I looked up into his brown eyes. “I just want you.”

I grabbed the back of his head and smashed my mouth to his. When his tongue caressed mine, I pull him back as I licked my lips.

“I want you to fuck me like a rockstar.” 

Eddie growled pulling me off the counter, spinning me around to face the mirror. He pushed my skirt up to my waist and removed my underwear, throwing it into the void of the room. I watched him as he dug into his pocket and threw a condom on the counter as he quickly reached to unbuckle his belt. I grabbed the wrapper, tearing it open, and handing it over my shoulder to him. He kissed my shoulder as he took it from my hand and put it on. 

He reached down and lifted my left leg on to the bathroom counter. Eddie ran his cock between my slippery folds before pushing aggressively into my cunt. His arms wrap around to my front as he leaned against my back thrusting into me harder than he ever had before. My hand smacked against the mirror for leverage as I tried not to scream about how fantastic he felt. Eddie’s pace slowed but the intensity remained as he straightened his back, bringing me up with him. 

“I just realized something. Open your eyes.”

“I….I don’t know if I can. Fuck.” I whimper as I lean back against his chest. “You feel so good.”

Eddie gently grabs my jaw, centering my head. “You can do it, baby. Please.” My eyes open and meet his own looking at my reflection. “You finally get to see what I see when you cum. How fucking beautiful you look.” I watch as he licks his hand reaches down to rub fast circles on my clit. “Fuck, you feel amazing and taking me so well. Look at you. Look how gorgeous you look like this.”

The words he was grunting into my ear was enough to push me over the edge. I felt my pussy start clenching around his cock. His hand returned to my jaw. “No baby. No. Don’t close your eyes. Open them.” My body shock as I watched myself climax. My leg fell off the counter and Eddie’s arms immediately wrapped around me, keeping me steady. I placed my own over his as he started thrusting into me rapidly. His eyes locked with mine in the mirror as his hips slowed and after a couple of hard pumps, spilled into the condom.  

He delicately pulled his cock out of my hole and with one arm still holding me, he pulled off the condom and threw it in the tiny trashcan. 

“I’m going to let you go, ok?” I nodded as his arm released me and he gripped my sides turning me around to face him. Eddie pulled up his pants, buttoning them, as he went on the search for my panties. As I was pulling down my skirt, he reappeared with them, displaying them in his hand. I grinned as I took them from him and shoved them in his jacket pocket. 

“Here you go, rockstar.”

He laughed as he pulled me in for a hug. I could live in this man’s arms forever. I didn’t need a fancy house or a flashy career. This is exactly where I wanted to be. 

#########################

Eddie’s howls could be heard over the clapping as I walked across the stage to accept my diploma. I, on the other hand, barely got a chance to because as soon as Principal Higgins begrudging handed him is, Eddie quickly pulled it away and ran off stage giving our principal the finger. 

I shook my head at him when I found him after the ceremony near the front of the school. He cackled wickedly. “Ah haha! It’s mine now!” He tackled me, planted a kiss on my cheek. 

“Hey kids.” My mom’s voice was soft as she stepped forward, Wayne trailing behind. 

“Really, Ed?” Eddie gave him a faux confused look like he had no idea what he was talking about. His uncle pat his shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. “I’m proud of you, Kid.”

His nephew thanked him as Wayne bent down to give me a much softer hug. “I’m sorry your dad couldn’t make it but, you know, I’M proud of you to.”

“Do you guys want a picture?” My mother asks as Wayne backs out of frame. “Ok, smile!”

Eddie pulls me to his side as I stick my tongue out and he holds up the rock and roll symbol. Wayne rolls his eyes as he laughs to himself. My mom grins showing her all her teeth. That was the first time I saw her genuinely laugh in such a long time. Eddie leaves my side, walking over to her, and gives her a hug of his own. I watch as her hands hover for a moment before resting on his back. 

He pulls away, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I’m proud of you to.” Eddie gives her a polite smile and as he turns back towards me, I see her grin to herself. 

##########################

“Sweetheart, it’s ok.”

“I know it’s ok. I’m fine. I’m just… I can’t believe it’s finally happening.” 

Eddie reaches for my hand as we wait for the attendant to call our number for our flight. It had been 2 months since graduation and it felt like everything happened so quickly. We found an apartment near the school and Eddie found a job at a music store that sells instruments. We packed everything which for both of us wasn’t much and then spent any remaining time we had in Hawkins with our friends having fun. 

“I know. I’m excited.”

“Are you not nervous at all?”

He slides his arm around my shoulders. “Of course, I am but I’m with you. I’m safe, right?”

I cup his cheek in my hand and guide him down to my lips. “Always, my knight in shining armor.”

Eddie looks to the ceiling as our seat numbers are called. He animatedly jumps to his feet and extends his arm out towards me. “Come, my lady. Onward towards the rest of our lives.”

####################

@hufflepuffprincess24 @fanfiction-lover-24 @theoriginaldoll87

[dykelawlight]

5 mikami and 14 mikalight !

HEHEHE love these. Thanks!!

5. Fear headcanon (Mikami)

One thing I SINCERELY HATE about a lot of Mikami characterization is that it depicts him as this very sort of fearful, cowering person because of his deference to Light in the anime (particularly, I think, the bit of the warehouse scene where he's working from behind the door). Mikami does not scare easily! Mikami canonically had the shit beaten out of him over and over as a child by groups of boys significantly stronger than him (in manga canon it is explicitly stated that on one occasion he was stripped naked, beaten, and subjected to an attempted hanging from a tree) for doing what he believed was the right thing, and he just kept fucking doing it, as a skinny nerdy kid with few friends and what he perceived as no support from his mom. Mikami killed a guy on a bus in broad daylight. He is not a timid dude, except MAYBE where Kira is involved, and even then, he's prone to moving independently and acting on his own intuition. That said, I think when he DOES feel fear he becomes very existential and sort of bleak about it very quickly, almost disturbingly so. He is not a super mentally well person and can be prone to paranoia, particularly given that throughout his life it's seemed that an unknown force can read his thoughts and kill people he thinks badly of. I also think he's big into the idea of exposure therapy and is the kind of person who thinks that if you're scared of bugs you should let one crawl across your face so you can overcome your fear or whatever. Let me know how that works out for you bro!

14. Romance headcanon (Mikalight)

DREAMY SIGH!!!!!!! I love them. Honestly a huge chunk of what I like about them is how blatantly canonically attracted to Mikami Light is. Like he picks the dude off a TV screen after being ~mysteriously drawn~ to him out of a slew of Kira supporters. He spends a HUGE part of the time immediately after Mikami is introduced musing on how he picked the perfect surrogate actor. There's also whole bit of the phone call between them in e32:

which is like. You cannot tell me this man is not ROCK FUCKING HARD rn. Also I think this is very much Mikami's first time experiencing this kind of thing! Not because he's not hot or thinks of himself as unattractive (he is, and he doesn't) and not even because other people don't know he's hot (they do) but because he socially positions himself in such a way that nobody has ever approached him to tell him they're attracted to him before and he's never approached anyone else for the same purpose. So I think when Light is very blatantly like "I think you're attractive and I'm interested in engaging with you in a romantic sense" (or whatever geek ass shit he would say because he knows the lines he pulls on girls aren't going to work) he's like ⁉️, but not in the sense of like, nerd guy getting hit on by hot homecoming king, rather just like...oh I didn't know this was going to happen to me and honestly haven't given it a ton of thought. I don't think he's a guy with a whole lot of secret romantic longing and fantasy going on (unlike Light who VERY MUCH IS) because, with the exception of his streak of religious fanaticism, he's pretty pragmatically-minded and likes to focus on things he perceives as actually relevant to his life, so when he first starts kind of crushing on Light he's like Oh so I just think stupid shit now? What the fuck? and attempts to get over it (thereby only making it worse). ANDDDD he thinks Light is divine and beautiful instantly but doesn't have a lot of context for what that means or feels like. And they kiss each other a lot and stuff. Okay. That's enough for this post

[lost-technology]

I was about to respond to someone directly on their thoughts in the ether, but I decided that I didn't want to harsh their buzz or cause a fight, so I'll just let out my thoughts here. Someone was talking about Wolfwood's grief-reaction in Badlands Rumble to thinking that Vash died. How he wrecked the red fridge in his hotel room (I also see red things and think of Vash. I've had a few things named "Vash" because they were red - good thing Wolfwood wasn't anywhere near my old tower computer). How he donned Vash's sunglasses to go to battle. Vashwooders point to that and go PROOF OF THE SHIP! and I'm like, huh? Really now. I don't think it's just because I'm an asexual. I think if people want to use that as romantic subtext, it's fine. I just think that it's proof of closeness, whatever the form. This is a problem I have with fandom in general, actually - people taking any and every interaction and making an entire thing on it and acting like people who see things differently are wrong. I am going to share a sad story now. I lost someone very dear to me this year. A found-family / chosen family nephew who was also my best friend. (An adult). This was back in January. A huge part of my grief-reaction early on was anger... like pure unfiltered rage without direction. I didn't put my fist through a fridge but I did other things. I screamed at so many people who did not deserve it. I actually had to quit the fast food job I had at the time because I feared that I was going to beat this one snide high school kid who worked there who liked to purposefully antagonize me upside the head with a greasy spatula and decided that getting therapy was better than getting an assault charge. (He did not know my situation, he was just a jerk in general, but I knew that he would be evil if he knew and I was just... not well). Another part of my grief reaction and subsequent healing has been surrounding myself with Eevees. I spent many days doing a canvas painting of a frolicking Eevee. I made careful displays of my nephew's Eevee figurines. We bought a big Eevee-plush for his memorial service that now lives on my bed. This was because my nephew loved Eevees and I associated Eevee as his icon. Either that or Optimus Prime. I can tell you absolutely that if my nephew had been murdered by a bandit rather than a random heart attack and it was time for me to go to battle to bring said bandit-gang to justice, I'd be ornamented with every Eevee-related item I have in his honor. We never banged. We never wanted to bang. We were Aunt and Nephew. We were peas in a pod geeks. And I think that is lost to people in fiction fandom sometimes - the value and importance and even the possibility of other kinds of relationships. I think it's because our society puts so much importance on romance and sex that all else is forgotten. It is perfectly okay to see certain Vash and Wolfwood interactions and reactions to each other as romantic. I know full well that my little Vash x Meryl heart SOARED during that scene in Stampede where Vash comes out of his Plant-coma and tells Meryl that he heard her (Rem's) voice through her / "I heard your voice, too." depending on whether you're watching dub or sub. I don't think it makes Vash x Meryl canon in any way and the relationship is just as easily friends / "Hey, some humans like me!" But, yes, I understand the impulse. It's just... it's not the only way to interpret it or "irrefutable proof" for all fans.

[ironicsopsychotic]

First Line Ask Game! Rules: List the first lines of the last ten stories you published (or works in progress if you’re feeling brave lol). See if you or others notice any patterns!

ooh okay i've done this before (i think you might've been the one to send it to me lol) but only w wips, so i'll do this w my published fics/fic updates! thank you, babs <33

like some kind of vision (ch3/3)

The next few days solidified something in Nina’s mind.

the hard part (03. in series)

Two days. Two days after Amber gave the breakup news, two days of incredibly uncomfortable Sibuna meetings, two days of Eddie blatantly lying to himself that ending their whole tryst wasn’t a big deal. Two days of all of that, and then Nina sent him to the clearing in the woods for a solo mission but showed up five minutes after he did. Two days, and she told him that waiting for things to cool down wasn’t cutting it for her. He took in her words slowly, but he took them in, and he took in the meeting place, and then he took her in.

then somebody bends, unexpectedly. (ch6/7)

Her last first day of high school sits oddly in the pit of her stomach.

03:00.

22:49. “We need to move that chair. And that couch.”                 “No, don’t drag it!”                 “Shh!”                  “Alfieeee, you’re on my hair.”                 “If Victor wakes up we’re pretending to be asleep, alright Yacker?”                 “While we’re standing up? Good plan, Weasel Face.”                 Whoever had the brilliant idea for a couples’ movie marathon the night before summer break began should have been exiled from Anubis House, because while Sibuna and Co. got along for mysteries, apparently moving furniture was just too hard.

subtext

From the moment the words “big brother figure” leave Jamie’s lips, EJ is certain his heart slowly breaks over the rest of opening night.

it's called "therapy," and we all need it.

H of A | 5:16pm [eddie] wth is vic on his period or something the man’s even more unhinged than normal

yes, and?

By the time Gina’s Uber drops her off outside the Caswell-Porter(?) residence, it is well into the late afternoon and her head feels heavy with too many overdue realizations. 

tugging on my heartstrings

After Mr. Mazzara delivers the news of the cast getting benched for a week, Gina is more than ready to curl up on the couch and knit for a few hours. Ashlyn has Big Red upstairs for some Career Day-adjacent thing, and Gina has no plans to interrupt their coupley evening, so she settles with her legs crossed in a bathrobe, full pajamas, and warm socks and gets to knitting.

messy

Her last day in America shouldn’t be a memorable one.

what teenagers do (ch2/?)

Nina was seriously wondering why they even bothered sneaking up to the attic when Victor was home. She and Fabian could be geeking out over some ancient Egyptian artifact upstairs in Vera’s old bedroom, thrilled with their progress and excited to update their friends, and then it would all be ruined two seconds later by Victor showing up.

so things noticed: i haven't uploaded much in the past two years gkrlg. interesting to see the similar messy and tsbu ch6 openings, both of which were followed up w explanations afterward. the more humorous openings (03:00 and it's called "therapy") have more snapshot/dialogue intros, but everything else varies from one-liners to paragraphs. i didn't realize it split pretty evenly, but i am conscious of not beginning everything the exact same way. also kinda cool to see the hard part move up from the wips ask to the published ask

[thundersyst3m]

I'm slowly healing myself together with mom,

Yesterday at the mall we were looking at a small geek store, we saw Sonic plushies and got really excited, this came after us going on another stand and seeing Amy and Sonic funko pops,

My mom looks at me and says "You really like Sonic don't you dear? I'll keep that in mind!"

As a child, I never could show mom my interests, because she was terrifying, but now thanks to therapy, I can show her what i like!

Sometimes I get bitter and wish she was this kind of mom to me since the start, sometimes I get angry she abused me for so many years and now is buddy buddy with me, but it's good that I at least get this type of mom now, it's good that she's trying to compensate for the past... <:]

[onewomancitadel]

The problem is that because people are used to oversharing online, especially because it's easier to admit traumatising stuff online versus not actually sharing your life, most people's bullshit detectors (who are leading terminally online discourse) are completely off. 'The wise man caught naked covers his face, not his body' is kind of the adage.

This means when somebody is legitimately doing a behaviour IRL of inappropriately sharing personal information (which can sometimes be... because they're traumatised and have no sense of boundaries as a consequence) it doesn't twig as strangely as it ought to and people begin to conflate this with 'sharing your basic life experiences' or 'getting to know somebody' or 'community compassion'. I also think this is partly an undersocialised person thing/teenage thing because once you have enough exposure to people who use traumatic life events to ingratiate themselves with you, you usually know the actual warning signs. What follows with so-called 'traumadumping' is usually a pattern of behaviour of entitlement, codependency, and offense at you having your own life.

I also think this is a pushback as a consequence of the fact that anonymity or a pseudonym is beginning to really be rejected, meaning that it's much more connected to your IRL identity, and the intimacy yet disparateness of online communication is basically vanishing. It does twig as weirder when Jessica from Sydney is telling you that her boyfriend abducted her dog and then he stole her car and ran it in the river like the first time you talk as opposed to sandwormpopcornholder from Tumblr telling you the same thing.

I also think this is an over-therapised phenomenon of therapy jargon being used as a cudgel to like... beat people over the head about basic communication, but I think also a fundamental discomfort with the idea of human evil. When bad things happen to other people it reminds you that those bad things are possible, and whatever tool that can be used to suppress this (victim blaming, 'traumadump' language, whatever) will be used, because I do think there is an inherent cowardice in society towards acknowledging human evil and its agents.

Before sharing things that are just a part of your life made you an oversharer or an attention seeker, now you are a traumadumper; it's just worked into a different paradigm of currently socially acceptable discourse.

So I think there's a lot surrounding traumadumping as an idea (therapese, online culture shifting, the enduring discomfort with the idea of human evil) including something I am going to introduce now which is the classic case of the geek deconstructing basic human dynamics. Before it was 'small talk is meaningless' and now people suffer from no social script for navigating everyday situations and phonecalls. Now it's 'don't talk about anything about yourself ever' not even in the meaningful sense of traumadumping. This will keep happening as long as online philosophers think they are special.

[cookinguptales]

dealer's choice for a reading! be as silly or serious as you want with it ; )

Got a lot of requests for mushrooms rn, so let's mix it up and do pulp.

(Five of Swords, Strength, Five of Pentacles)

Hmm. Well. IIRC, you usually like getting silly readings rather than serious ones. If I were to do a serious reading here, I don't think either of us would like it. (tl;dr life is currently full of struggles but you have the inner strength to deal with it, etc.)

So uhhhh let's just go for something silly.

(For the uninitiated, we used to play games sometimes where we'd write silly stories using the pictures on the cards instead of doing a serious reading! I stopped offering that option as much once I started getting more takers each night. It takes longer to come up with a story, especially a stupid one. And this is about to be really stupid.)

OKAY so once upon a time there was a soldier who was like "Gosh, it sure does seem like the five of swords is a card of conflict and pyrrhic victory. That seems like kind of a downer so fuck that," and instead he went on an adventure.

As it turns out, though, learning to handle a sword offers up limited career opportunities, and he eventually turned to the circus, where he learned how to do sword swallowing. While there, he met a very beautiful lion tamer. He was very certainly down to clown (no circus pun intended) but as it turned out, she was largely uninterested.

Broken-hearted and without access to a therapist who would've helped him work through his emotions, he fled the circus that had become his home and instead went to The Big City of... um... Milwaukee. Sure.

He lurked the streets of Milwaukee, drowning his sorrows in cheese curds and beer, and he was generally directionless until one day he came across a lady with a baby.

To his surprise, the baby was kind of the brains of the operation here. Its eyes glowed and it spoke in a deep voice and the lady was just one of its many minions that stole cash, jewels, and baby formula for it.

The ex-soldier ex-geek was like "holy shit" and I mean. He was gonna peace out, obviously, but then he really thought about it. He'd followed a king and he'd followed a ring master, and both of them had kind of sucked. So was a demon baby thing really that much worse?

no

So he became the horrifying child of the corn's right-hand man and eventually learned how to funnel his feelings of restless uselessness and abandonment into jewel thievery and also an art therapy program in nearby Sheboygan.

the end

[ciaossu-imagines]

Hey did you get my pms? Hope you're well today

Hey there! So…I've been told by several of you lovely readers that you really appreciate how I'm always really kind to all of you and really understanding. And I try really hard to be kind, to make this a happy, peaceful, fun blog for you guys. And I'm really sorry for anyone I'm going to disappoint here because I'm not going to be as nice as I normally am.

I have received your direct messages. I was sleeping because it was late at night when they came in Thursday night. So I wasn't able to read them until Friday morning before work. I then worked a full shift, as I do have a job that takes up quite a bit of my time, so I wasn't able to answer right away and honestly, I needed to take some time and think about how I wanted to reply to them because of things I'll cover later on. This came into my account around the time I was eating an early-ish supper on Saturday, so the messages hadn't even been sitting unanswered for very long, to be honest. As said, I work a job, volunteer with Mental Health, have to sleep and eat, have regular therapy appointments, have friends in real life I try to see in person or reply to their texts with some regularity (even though sometimes it can take me days or even a week to even answer friends texts) so I don't have as much online time available and what time I have online is largely spent lately writing the actual requests and posts for the blog (mostly in advance, and then finding the time to proof and then post them), clearing my inbox and draft folders. I've been honest and upfront always on this blog that I'm very much trash on replying to private messages and that it does take me a while to find the extra time, and social battery as I am an introvert and sometimes just can't find it in me to want to talk to people directly, to want to message back. On top of that, I had five other people waiting for replies to their direct messages to me that I hadn't replied to either at that point, now four of them, and some of their messages have honestly been sitting there for over a week. I am working on answering people back, but please respect the fact that it can take time and, maybe because of my neurodivergence, but reminders that the direct messages are there and hey, answer them because someone is waiting make me feel really pressured and stressed and definitely not eager to reply or talk to a person.

Now, since you brought this into a publicly answerable space by coming into the inbox, and because honestly, I've been really struggling with how to respond to your messages, I'm going to respond publicly, because most of it I would like to share with everyone who reads this blog. I mean no active disrespect to you by doing so, and will apologize in advance if you take it that way. Below is the private messages sent to me.

First, I do want to say, I do see the compliments in the message. I really appreciate them, they're very kind words, I appreciate the time you took to write them and the fact that reading my posts inspires you to write as well. Thank you very much for every compliment written.

Now, we'll tackle the answers, and things I did want to say, not only to this person but to everyone, step by step. I'm really glad that this person, and many of the others who read my stuff, do see the amount of effort I put into each and every one of my posts. Especially with the AU's, for most of them I really do take at least a day or two, sometimes longer, to really think them out, build up the worlds, figure out how the characters would really translate to this newly built up world, how they'd interact with each other in it, how their relationships in canon can be translated over. For some AU's, I do go and do research to build the actual world…going to use the most recently posted AU here, the mall AU with Eyeshield 21. As mentioned in that post, I went and actually pulled up maps of a mall to consider all the potential stores and since Deimon was really the focus and I set them working at a Cabela's like store, I was like…I know I've been in a Cabela's but how are the stores laid out again, what are all the different sections in a Cabela's and not only did I go look on their website but I phoned a friend I'd been meaning to hang out with anyway and was like 'shopping date? Only thing I ask for stores is that we stop by a Cabela's and you don't make fun of the fact that I'm not going to buy anything, just want to walk the store haha'. With the AU's, the match-up's, the headcanon requests, I'll sometimes even get stuck on whether an idea in my head really matches up with the character and does truly feel right, so I either go watch clips of the character or research, see what trivia I can dig up to either double-check what I already know, or see if I missed anything. So you are right in that, yeah, there is a lot of effort put into my posts and my writing. And I am so, so, SO happy and not at all bothered by putting in that amount of effort. Writing these posts, coming up with the ideas, spinning everything out, it is fun for me, it is something I enjoy, so please don't think that I am complaining about that, just wanting to explain why I'm going to go the direction I am in this reply.

Plain out blanket rule on this blog - if you see something on here you love and you come up with story ideas, with additional headcanons, with something you want to write, draw, do anything creative with? Please, please feel free to do so and to share those things publicly if you are comfortable. I do ask that you give me or my post credit for inspiration, because that would be the polite thing to do and tagging me in it so I can see what you did and geek out and love up on it would make me very happy, but I will be able to shrug it off if you don't, with the only exception to this being The Ever Young, where I do demand credit at the very least because that is at least a year, if not more, of solid world building and character building on my side.

Honestly, even though the AU's and even some of the headcanon posts have given me serious story ideas and I would love to, and plan on, finding the time and creative energy to properly write them out, the fact of the matter is that as writers, based on that one idea, both me and someone else can write it as a story and our stories are honestly probably going to be drastically different, because we'll have different ideas, different views of characters and relationships, different styles and tones to our writing. And I get being inspired by others - I've never made it a secret that the delinquent!Shouhei fic I write and post on here is inspired by some absolutely brilliant and inspiring headcanons shoheiakagi (if you're a fan of K and not following them, please click the link and check them out because they are wonderful and I personally really love their blog and how they help keep the K fandom so alive and active) wrote on their blog and that without those, the fic wouldn't exist.

This particular person though? I'm not sure I love the idea of you taking my ideas and running with them for one very important reason, and maybe it's really mean and petty of me, but it's the reason text on that screengrab of the messages is highlighted. Please make no mistake - what I do on this blog, the headcanons, the AU's, the match-up…everything, really. This is all very, very VERY much writing, just as much so as writing fic. I've written, in my storied fandom career (which started on Quizilla, way back in 2002 guys, yes I am the cryptkeeper), short fic, long fic, roleplaying posts - both as an original character and as canon characters, comfort letters to people from their favourite characters, quizzes, choose your own adventure stories, and what you see posted on this blog and my former one polycanons. And I can absolutely guarantee you that they are all forms of writing, that they all can be extremely time-consuming and hard to write in their own ways, that they all take effort and creativity. To reduce what I do on this blog into 'not exactly writing'…to be honest, I struggled with whether to even answer the messages and how to do so because I do accept my neurodivergence means I might overreact to things at times and I wanted to give my brain time and space to really think on what you sent to see if I was potentially overreacting. But honestly, it's now Sunday, three days after the messages were sent and while I would have liked a little more time to process and think about this, this person seems to want a more immediate answer so… I might be overreacting and I might be being petty, but I am also stating my truth when I say that the way that was worded came off to me as so incredibly dismissive of my hard work on my posts and a little disrespectful of me as an actual writer, to the point where it really invalidated any compliments you did give.

Honestly, while I love each and every single one of you, my constant, lovely readers, and will terribly miss you (my heart will, honestly, ache a little over the loss and I will carry you lovelies in my heart and wish you well) I will ask, as I'm asking this person, that if you really honestly and truly hold the opinion that what I do here on the blog is 'not exactly writing', if you can't even give me that baseline of respect, then please unfollow me and please do not use the ideas that I, as a writer, come up with.

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

random but just realized, the vibe i’ve been picturing immortal roomies au beatrice sometimes having about her gfs is like entrapta with the clones and/or the robots, and i just realized mid sentence that going by that line of thinking beatrice is a monsterfucker but anyway that’s not my point, point is beatrice is lowkey a nerd about her gfs being supernatural beings, and obv she’s also just endlessly fascinated by her gfs in general, in every aspect of em

like beatrice obv looks into werewolves after becoming a werewolf, to learn more about what being a werewolf means for her, but at some point, to just make the supernatural stuff in general less daunting she starts branching out, and at some point after she’s more settled into the whole being a werewolf thing and the self loathing over it has lessened and stuff she just kinda starts developing an interest in learning about the supernatural stuff, particularly like culture n history n stuff,

and 1) she defo loves infodumping about that stuff to her gfs (and they probably gen do learn a few things from it, given while lilith’s a vampire and ava’s an immortal they can’t and weren’t everywhere on the planet at once every single second for millenia + stuff about supernatural beings is sparse esp since they’re often relatively secluded)

2) at some point it consciously sinks into her that technically she’s supernatural, and her gfs are supernatural, and she’s just like, omg that’s so cool internally (and obv not in those words sjsjsjsj)

Oh yes, when Bea's nerd senses activate, there's no going back. If we go with the idea that all of the other girls are supernaturals too, then she goes full geek mode on them, learning everything she can about them and their abilities.

I think she hopes that with ingenuity, hard work, and maybe help from other kinds of magic, she can overcome or bypass some of the really shitty aspects of being a werewolf, like the fact that you have to nearly die to become one. She would look into ways to improve survival rates. And she would want to find ways to improve the transformation itself, which is slow and painful. So maybe she works with fae!Camila and/or wizard!Yasmine to come up with potential solutions, all with her gfs supporting her.

And when she learns how many werewolves go insane as they age, she would be very interested in learning how Ava and Lilith have survived for so long without losing their minds. She would have to balance her keen interest and desire to help her kind with respecting her girlfriends' emotional boundaries, but maybe it works out for the best because her questions provide an opportunity for Ava and Lil to open up about their experiences in a safe environment.

Because really, it was just the two of them for so long, what need or reason would they have to talk about things that have happened? They were both there, after all, what is there to say? But when Bea asks, they both realize that there's actually quite a bit to say, and it leads to better communication overall.

BTW, Lilith definitely hates psychology and doesn't think it's a real science, and Ava has developed coping mechanisms so ancient and ingrained in her psyche that it would take one psychologist their entire career (hell, their entire lifetime) to get to the bottom of all of it. So therapy, while necessary, definitely isn't happening for those two, meaning they'll have to find other ways to improve their mental health.