#kinda maybe. its a tiny reference but also a big deal so

[larabar]

i think they should be friends. besties even

[fools-ramblings-and-whatnot]

Yuu showing off her high marks on a quiz/test to the smart kids(Riddle, Azul, Trey, Idia, Vil, Jamil, etc.) and expecting to recive a kiss on top of the head from them

Moving forward, I am gonna use the pronouns used by the asks for Yuu. If not mentioned, I will continue to use they/them.

Yuu knows that he knows what she is expecting him to do. Pretty sure he was the one who asked her for a list of Kiss gestures and its corresponding meanings.

Of course, words of affirmation and tiny gifts are good. But it doesn't have the same depth and appeal than a kiss on the top of the head.

"It's in the RULES!" Yuu would argue with Riddle, showcasing her high marks in History of Magic. She wants her praises! Her job well done! Especially after the torture..ehem.. study session Riddle put her through! Riddle would ask where in the rules? and Yuu would just reference that her List of Kiss Customs is technically a Rulebook for her, and because Riddle read it. The rules also apply to him. Riddle can't argue with her logic even if it feels flawed. Ok, maybe just a quick kiss on the head then!

Trey's hands are full. He praises Yuu but he avoids her expectant eyes, seeking more than pastries for her congratulatory gift. He knows what those sparkling eyes want from him. He keeps himself busy in the kitchen but Yuu doesn't budge, even volunteering to help him until he acquiesces to her rightful demands. Yuu is stubborn and in the end, Trey has no choice but to give her a quick peck on top of her head. He's kinda reminded of his younger siblings when they ask for praise.

Azul just does it as quickly as possible so that you'd stop staring at him from across his desk. You wouldn't budge at all, even with the threat of being squeezed by Floyd. What hit the nail in the coffin is when you said that he's in debt if he doesn't give your reward, which is him praising you using her Kiss Language. Your logic was obviously flawed but alas, he really hates just the thought of having a debt. He kisses Yuu on the head quickly, trying to remain his suave attitude even when he accidentally sniffs the top of her head. (He feels weird and awkward and he's gonna overthink this later tonight. Would you think he's weird?! He didn't mean to sniff your head, it was incidental!!!)

Idia doesn't go out of his room no matter how hard she bangs the door. He can hear her silent,.... well, not-so-silent demand from behind the door. He absolutely will NOT kiss the top of her head! It'll kill him! Maybe it's an exaggeration but stillllll!!!! He cannot deal with overly affectionate people, especially those who have good intentions. It totally contrasts him and is not his vibe! Also, he'll never live it down if someone took a picture of Idia kissing the top of the Prefect's head! NO WAY, NO HOW!!! The room is alight with bright pink flames illuminating every corner of the room.

Jamil immediately shuts Yuu down. He speaks before she can even say another word. He praised her, even gave her a nice meal. That's it. No kisses! If hard enough to control Kalim, its even harder to control his dorm members from spreading false rumors about your relationship with him. Especially since he knows she just means well, and her actions are not romantic? But how can he possible explain Yuu's strange Kiss Language to others without sounding crazy? If Yuu is relentless, he might just give in, pulling her in the corner and giving her head a quick peck, making sure nobody saw.

Vil doesn't kiss Yuu because he tells her it's not enough, much to her annoyance. A congratulatory kiss is a big thing, even if Yuu did work hard, that hardly is a reason to get a kiss from THE Vil Schoenheit, she needs to continue to do better. Vil can see the way Yuu takes it as an insult against her and Vil almost relents. She did work hard. However, Vil stands by his principles and opts to pat her head instead, which doesn't really satisfy Yuu fully, but it's ok. Maybe next alchemy midterms?

To find other related post in my blog, the tag is #TwstKissAU

[artdcnaldson]

im starting to feel a little bit like im harassing you with all my ideas lol, but you just get me fr!!!! also blushing so hard at the peeps mentioning me tihihihihihii (i have a praise kink and i love attention :))) )

but i did have another epiphany, another vision, in which stepbro! patrick not only leans into the whole fauxcest/stepcest thing, here he simply has no shame, but he is so into it. he loves how gross and wrong it is. his ultimate goal is to get under your skin, and this does that like nothing else. i like to think that reader would refuse to refer to pat as her brother, in any sense, because then she would have to deal with the fact that she finds her kind of brother kinda hot... and thats just too weird

maybe its not even really on purpose the first time, within his constant pestering it just sort of slips out. something like, "you really should be sweeter to me and take care of me like a good little sister would", with that infuriatingly sexy smirk............ pls keep holding my hand, yall can not back out on me rn...... but your reaction is just gold to him. youre groaning in disgust and telling him hes a perv, but he sees your thighs clenching together

from there on out hes doing everything he can to rile you up like that again, constantly referring to himself as big brother. UGH hes so yummy. the tension is so important to me actually

-🐞

Hnnynngnnggggg ily you’re matching my freak so much with all of these aus and asks it has me giggling and kicking my feet

He’s so mean :(((

Bc you know he’s hot for you, and you know he knows you want him so bad. You’re both fucking with the other, both of you trying to like, idk, exert your dominance, make the other break.

He relishes in the way your face twists in disgust when he calls you his sister. you ask him for a favor and he reaches up to change the lightbulb in the bathroom with a smarmy, “don’t worry, big brother’s got it.” Your eyes light up, just for a second, before your expression twists in annoyance.

“You’re not my brother,” you say firmly. “You’re a creep.”

And it’s a good thing you aren’t related. Good thing your mom only married Mr. Zweig for his money. Because why would you be wearing tiny too-small shirts squeezing your tits, short little skirts, giving him flashes of pastel colored panties? And why is he always wearing thin shorts, or grey sweats, or something where you can see the imprint of him?

He catches you looking at his dick, grins, stretches out, spreads his thighs to accentuate it. “Don’t you want to come sit on your big brother’s lap?” And you’re caught, so you just roll your eyes and flip him off and stomp off to your room.

He doesn’t need to know that you’re on your bed, humping your pillow and muffling your cries into the sheets. You don’t need to know he’s at your door, listening to your mattress springs squeaking and the little whimpers you make.

[astranite]

Edges of the Universe: Part 2

Scott and John :)

Part 1 // Ao3

The tags in summary: Hurt/Comfort, this is what it is fundamentally but we do dive into the angst and the fluff, Autistic John Tracy, Scott Tracy has ADHD, Scott Tracy Has PTSD, Autistic meltdowns, References to Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Chronic Illness, that's how i'm treating John's space issues, this is all written from a disability and neurodiversity lens and lot of my own experience, there's alot going on but there's also alot of love here, and acceptance, its about hope its always about hope ultimately, things are hard and they wont just fix themselves but it does get better, we just have to keep hanging on. all of us you and me together, its not a straight line there are alot of up and downs and emotions in this fic, as in life and everything because thats whats its like but its not impossible

@idontknowreallywhy thank you for all.

---

“You alright?” Scott asked, “And I’ve brought takeaway if you’re feeling up to it.” 

“‘S only a headache,” John mumbled.

Scott’s hand gripped his shoulder more firmly. “Seems like some headache, Johnny.”

“Don’t.” 

John couldn't handle even the gentle ribbing right now. Or Scott needling him about what the hell was wrong with him to make him admit to it, which was pretty hypocritical coming from Commander ‘I’m actively bleeding out but I’m Fine.’

John sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. That wasn't fair on Scott. He was getting better at letting them in when it was needed. All the smothering came from a good place of looking out for little brothers prone to getting themselves into trouble, and John also had a history of being less than honest about exactly how ‘Fine’ he was.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard of the bed as the blurry dark crowded in at the corners of his vision at the rush of his blood pressure dropping. Because he, Thunderbird Five, head of communications for IR and an astronaut breaking records for space hours and expertise, had really pushed himself today. Went totally wild with it. He had, he checked his mental notes, landed on Tracy Island yesterday evening, sat in the passenger seat of Tracy One as Scott did all the flying to get here and immediately clocked out as soon as they got to the hotel. Then attempted to attend a meeting today. Wild, he bit out in sharp, sarcastic thoughts. Maybe that ignored the busy week he’d already pushed through. Even if he usually had to rest the day after the rough descent down from orbit because that was what his body needed and that was meant to be okay.

John reached over to flick on one of the bedside lamps to make it easier on Scott. He squinted in the brightness but it was better than the main light. In the background was the rustle of biodegradable bags and the distinctive snap of takeaway containers being opened: Chinese, from the place he and Scott had really liked the last time they were here, predictable so he wouldn't have to deal with trying something new.

Objectively, the food smelled good but John’s stomach turned. He spent several amusing minutes poking at his noodles, trying to figure out whether it was merely his usual space issues or he was coming down with something.

Scott bumped his shoulder ever so gently. “I got the not too spicy ones for you in case you weren’t feeling so good.”

“Thanks, Scott.” John’s voice came tiny and squeezed out. 

He picked up a mouthful and they were okay, it was him that was at the point of so hungry he was nauseous, and Scott had realised that he hadn't had lunch or dinner and made sure to bring back food John would like. Because he was thoughtful and he cared, and John had the best big brother so why did that make him want to cry?

They ate in silence. Companionable silence. It was kinda nice actually, just sharing space with Scott.

John did not cry all over his brother and his noodles. He would’ve gotten his tablet to read on and distract himself except he’d need his glasses which were in his bag, though he could turn up the font size, except the headache made staring into a bright screen currently unpalatable, so the entire point was moot.

He tipped his head back, resting it on the wall, then turned to Scott.

Scott had scoffed his entire meal far too quickly, shovelling noodles into his mouth with his set of chopsticks, whilst scrolling on his phone. Hair falling out of its careful gelling, top buttons of his blue business shirt undone, meeting out of the way and laughing at something inane, he seemed far more relaxed than this morning. Share space with Scott was nice because he too rarely got to.

John looked away. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping an arm around them, rocking slightly before it made him too dizzy. He stared off around the room, mostly to keep himself from giving in to the urge to worry at the numb, hollow wound in his thoughts. To map out its shape and form, going over it like the hole left by a pulled tooth. To not drag himself into a John classic overthinking spiral, and attempt to ground himself or whatever. 

The room. Too much beige. Carpet, curtains, walls, really what were they thinking? 

John liked colour. He’d chosen the stripes running throughout Thunderbirds Five and his bright orange baldric with the matching narrower lines through his uniform on purpose. They broke up the monotony of whites and greys space stations were far too prone to and he soaked it up, everything from the stickers and few books in his little room to the colour coded holotabs that displayed each of his siblings’ vitals. Bright and vivid, they reminded him of alive, alive, alive. 

Here, even the abstract painting was nearly monochrome. Virgil would have a lot to say but John could only muster a vague disgust towards it. Or maybe it was mostly his mood turning to harshly critical.The place was nice enough, clean and neat, nearest to TI. They didn't need fancy. 

Hints of the darkened evening view shone through the gaps between the curtains in the form of city lights. John had watched the sunset in hours previous briefly paint the dimness of the room through slitted eyelids. 

There had been the colour he wanted, but he’d ignored it instead of opening the curtains up to the light like he usually would in lieu of visible stars. He had stared at the wall, drifting in his thoughts amongst the achy pain and exhaustion instead of choosing to do literally anything else.

And here he was overthinking, doing exactly what he wasn't supposed to be doing. Fantastic job, John.

Doors to the hallway and bathroom, both shut, John listed. Lamp on Scott’s bedside table, dark grey, not black, switched off.

The blue blanket Scott brought everywhere lay as a bright splash on top of the covers of Scott’s bed, a familiar sight no matter where they were.

They didn't have to share a room, with the large beds on each side where John took the one nearest the window under claim it would be better for the stargazing he wouldn't do because of the light pollution but would make Scott edgy from feeling too exposed and too far from the exits. His brother’s face had crumpled in relief before he’d gleefully bounced on his bed like he was totally still five, as John laughed with him. 

With their money they could easily afford two, could get the frankly a waste of money whole penthouse suite of rooms, but they didn't need to. And it was nice to be close.

He and Scott hadn't regularly shared a room since before Alan had been born, and John was fully aware that as adults it would drive them both mad within a week, but on the occasional business trip or even rarer holiday, it was nice. Waking up disorientated and jet lagged in the middle of last night, he’d fallen back to sleep to big brother’s calm, even breathing. Plus Scott could look over and reassure himself at least John was here and okay, as substitute for checking in on all his little brothers before he turned in.

…it had actually been a bit after Alan had been born that the rooms had been shuffled. When it had been Mum and Dad and baby Allie he had to sneak past to go stargaze outside for a few months until Alan was big enough and got the cot, sharing a room with Gordon. Then it was him and Virgil so Scott as the eldest, encouraged by Dad, could have his own room. 

Virgil was a lot quieter and less prone to dragging him into crazy schemes, and John had loved sharing a room with him, of course he did, but something had still ached as he helped take Scott’s aeroplane posters down from between his glow in the dark stars to put them up on bare blue walls that smelt of new paint. Virgil had never woken up when John went to stargaze, no matter what he tripped over or how much he swore, so he never came with him on those forbidden midnight trips either. Scott had. 

But after Mum, because John was evidently all for following miserable trains of thought tonight, Scott technically had still shared a room with them. Just when no one, especially Dad, would notice. John had woken up to the door opening after everyone else was asleep each night to Scott tiptoeing in to curl up on the floor between his and Virgil’s beds, wrapped in the blue baby blanket that had been Allie’s until it was put away but had originally been knitted by Mum for Scott.

John had always shuffled over to make room for Scott beside him. Scott shouldn’t be alone, he wasn't meant to be alone but everyone had known that evidently except for Dad. He’d always woken up at dawn when Scott left too…

Scott’s hand back on his shoulder startled him, and between the flinch he barely processed the worried, “Earth to John?” 

A wave of dizziness hit and John buried his head in his knees. 

“Sorry,” John mumbled.

“No apologies needed.”

Scott gently took the container of noodles out of his hand which he was holding and had kinda forgotten about, even as the pointed edges dug into his palm. John’d only managed half of his before he had to put it aside. Maybe later, if he got over the nausea. 

Scott held out an arm, giving John the option of being pulled into a hug. He swallowed and shuffled closer, then leant against Scott. 

[aforrestofstuff]

Chapter 164 (redrawn version) Expert Review™️

It’s been a hot minute! I’m in the middle of a heated custody battle with Cain over our 37 kids and Pokémon card collection and that’s kinda been weighing on me a bit so I didn’t have the energy to write these.

Anyways, I did write a review for the first version of 164 but then ONE ran into Murata’s office screaming “ERASE THAT SHIT!!!” so I deleted it and here we are. I hope Murata doesn’t upload another chapter before I post this otherwise I’m gonna have a real fucking shit-my-pants meltdown. Like some real fucking episodic type shit.

I’m gonna get started before I need to call one of my emergency contacts.

Oh dude ooooh dude Garou is so starved for affection and appreciation that getting just a crumb of it was almost enough to make him abandon everything oooooh dude it almost makes me wanna hug him but then I just think about the time he stole my Capital One Platinum Credit Card and those evil thoughts go away.

Um um um something something African proverb: “A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

Really fucking hamfisting it here, like—Garou’s entire rampage from Silverfang’s dojo since day one has been him screaming “I want to be accepted, I want to be loved” and his jealousy towards the heroes for garnering that acceptance and love… after getting just a tiny bit of what they get, it was almost enough for him to figure out what he really wants. But of course, he’s still angry. So he’ll keep fighting. Keep trying to bring the world into despair, not knowing that it won’t make him feel any better.

I’m sure if he were given time to cool down, he would find that he’s just looking for affection. I’m guessing that’s what they were going for before they SCRAPPED the Saitama sit-down arc. Saitama was probably gonna talk him down, give him what he wants, tell him what he really is, and Garou would slowly crumble back to being human instead of being punched back into one. Or he’d get pissed, flip the table, and a social worker would have to intervene. We’ll never know!

And I mean, I’ve seen some criticism of that before the redraws—people saying it’s too OOC of Saitama to wanna sit down and talk to Garou and I mean… kinda? It’s not like Saitama’s never been selfless before. Sure, he’s not Superman-levels of patience, but he’s been really kind! Giving the credit to the other heroes for defeating DSK, letting that kid keep his cash after the hero costume fashion show contest super bonanza whatever, saving that one dude from suicide with his gay little chopsticks…. I don’t think it was too hard to believe that he’d also want to help Garou.

GO GO GADGET ASS JETS!!!!

Ok I know they’re not coming out of his ass but that would be really funny—AND ALSO…. WHAT’S MURATA’S WHOLE DEAL WITH DRAWING MOTHERFUCKERS TRANSFORMING INTO JETS AND SHIT???? I’m not engineer but that doesn’t seem super realistic (I say as I’m reading a comic book full of superheroes and women who never complain about back pain despite having tits the size of Wyoming).

It was really stupid when Psykorochi did it and it’s a little less stupid now because at least we got the whole mountain-smashing attack or whatever thing (I’m not gonna go back and look at the name because it was probably really gay) so WHATEVER I guess but it doesn’t make a ton of sense okay SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF OR WHATEVER IDK ugh I feel like a greasy nerd complaining at comic-con when I’m really just a greasy nerd complaining in my bedroom.

Speaking about the aforementioned mountain attack (or whatever), Murata really removed the big titty elf woman and my sweet cheese my good time boey Boros 2.0 (AKA Murata’s ripoff of my sweet Xanados), so thats kinda a bummer. But I’m sure they’ll probably crop up later? Maybe? Please? I’m so upset about this LMAO

And “dimensional seal”? I assume that’s to keep “that bastard” in, yes? Perhaps in some sort of space jail? Could they be referring to this thing?

Which, I mean… it’s probably God. It looks like God… it’s really big like God…. and it would make sense that Blast and his Justice League would be really concerned about this seeing as though stopping God from committing fuckery is their whole deal (and also the fact Blast just “happened” to appear once Saitama poked a small peephole into this Thing’s jail cell)… but if that’s God and he’s been imprisoned in someone’s basement this whole time, then who the fuck has been fucking with Homeless Emperor and getting jiggly with it on the moon? Or, is this a sorta “awake and dreaming” situation where the God everyone has been seeing is just a projection by this Thing and he won’t reach his true power™️ until he breaks through the aforementioned “dimensional seal?” I’m super confused dawg! None of this shit was in the Bible!

Also this whole thing seems kinda sacrilegious but I’m not enough of a Christian to care lmao hell yeah I’d love to see Saitama clock this dude. If OPM gets a sequel then he should fight Jesus next.

Like 90% of this shit happened because God has one-sided beef with Saitama and everyone else just keeps getting in the middle of it with their Main Character Syndrome and I think that’s the funniest shit ever.

Lmao God is so fucking pissed at Saitama for breaking the rules (or just his limiter I guess) and becoming too powerful so now he’s brewing up all these fake ass haters in hopes they’ll be able to stop Sai. This is toooooo funny. I love the idea of God as central antagonist to OPM; that’s both hilarious and terrifying at the same time because there’s only one person capable of going up against him. Is that where this is going? Is that gonna be the Climactic End to this series way down the line? Saitama fights God? Because I mean… there is realistically no other being in the universe capable of giving Sai the thrill of a fight anymore. He has to fight God at this point. He’s already at the top of the mountain, the only thing left to do is reach for the heavens.

And I was wondering why God doesn’t just bloop Saitama out of existence or get down there and fight him himself since he hates his dog ass so goddamn much and I suppose that rounds us back to him not being at full power due to his imprisonment in the Dimensional Seal (which is basically just the phantom zone). This is all speculative, by the way. I’m not allowed to talk to Murata anymore.

Anyways, Sage Centipede, Evil Natural Ocean, and possibly even Psykorochi and Homeless Emperor were all sent by God to take out Saitama’s broke ass by proxy and if you don’t think that’s the silliest shit ever then idk what to tell you. I love it though. It makes perfect sense.

Now Garou is one of God’s artificially created Saitama Haters and he looks kinda cool I guess idk. Boy’s got mad hips for a celestial being I’ll tell you what.

OOOOOOUUGGGHHH I HATE GOD’S DOG ASS FOR PLAYING WITH GAROU LIKE THIS!!! BOY IF YOU DONT GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN A SEWAGE DRAIN PIPE RIGHT NAAAOOOOWWW!!!!!!

Multiple things to be said about this:

1. By Biblical standards, Garou is now considered a prophet.

2. I am aware this may not be Thee Abrahamic God™️ from the Bible but it’s really funny to think so and I’m gonna keep making jokes about it.

3. By Biblical standards, Garou is now also considered to be heavily concussed and dying from internal bleeding.

4. Even while Garou is Biblically concussed and witnessing A Religious Event, he still wants to beat God’s ass.

5. God ignores Garou wanting to beat his ass, which is hilarious. “I know you’re going through a lot right now so I’m gonna ignore you said that… take my hand and beat that bald dude’s ass for me.”

6. Garou wants so badly for Silverfang to be proud of him that he willfully takes “his” hand in this severe moment of weakness. Reminds me of Tai Lung from Kung Fu Panda (okay, everything about Garou reminds me about my boy TL because their stories are so similar) where, in his final fight against Master Shifu, Tai says “everything I did was to make you proud.” And when Shifu gives him an ounce of adoration, he wavers for a minute. KIND OF LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE WE KNOW…. OOUUUGGHH

7. God is a bitchass motherfucker for exploiting this and he better keep his doors locked tonight.

Edit: food for thought… what’s gonna happen when God takes his power back? I mean, we know Garou’s not gonna die or anything but like… oooooh spookyyyy. Oh shit. What if Garou does die lmao

In conclusion: GARFIELD, ARE YOU /J OR /SRS!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?

In conclusion part 2: still peeved we lost the comedy gold of the Saitama sit-down arc and my legal grounds to sue Murata for stealing my OC (this is a joke please), but I do think overall this works a bit better. The Monster Association Arc has largely been drawn out way too long and I kinda just want it to end but I’m sure a lot of the pacing issues will be ironed out in print. And if they aren’t, fuck it! I’ll violate my probation and fly to Japan to stick ONE’s nose in it (this is also a joke please). Have a good weekend. It’s Pride month, by the way. You’re gay.

[shijiujun]

i feel kinda bad for shl cos all the fans of hyx and spl are blaming shl since their dramas are being delayed :(

LMAO I really don’t get that altho i can see that the timing might be a little back to back, and i’m not a SHL-only stan by any measure but:

For HYX especially,

Firstly it was already having problems since the end of last year with censorship and review. This is mostly due to the reason that 2ha is a pretty big fandom and is the cult fave in the danmei industry - what this means is that there are three types of fans basically right, (1) Normal fans who love the novel + show (2) Those who fanatically love the novel in some extreme ways haha (3) Those who hate it and/or are HYX-onlys - so you get it all in a bag. 

The first type of fans is definitely the easier ones to deal with, but unfortunately in big fandoms you get a lot of (2) and (3). It’s not something that’s exclusive only to 2ha/HYX but because it’s a cult fave, and a controversial one at that, problems definitely arise.

(2) are the ones who head down to the filming scenes, take photos and footage despite crew telling ppl not to do it, not to sneak around filming sites and definitely not to leak photos or footage. They do it anyway. Yeah sure of course it’s a couple of photos every few weeks or a tiny video every few weeks but word gets out. They’re inevitably hurting the show and the fandom with their actions, because shit trends on Weibo really fast, and the censorship committee (not just for the film industry or shows) is always lurking on the site to catch any sign of you know, hate speech for the country etc. and more. Not related, but the point is that social media is watched very closely. It’s not a myth or an exaggeration, you really just got to be careful, and HYX is a show that, despite not having been broadcasted, has consistently trended on Weibo over the last few months. Not always because of leaks, but yeah, HYX is in everyone’s faces. Fans themselves put a fucking huge spotlight on the show BEFORE we even have any content at all, and of course this isn’t enough to like create huge trouble for the show but then we have-

(3), which I believe creates the most trouble - the thing is 2ha and meatbun who wrote the book, has a long line of haters and antis, way before HYX came into the picture. I shall not go into details of how I’ve seen some big accounts on Tumblr here spit vitriol at the book without even reading it just based on the content/trigger warnings and playing the morality card (and I think most ppl who’ve followed me for a while know just what I think about that). Like this was way before any footage or leaks or even HYX being a thing came about - as a cult fave it has its share of haters, and this share is a huge. There are those who get off on their moral high grounds XD and I think especially these ones are the most troublesome, all they have to do is report that HYX is immoral, bad for culture etc. etc. hahaha and yeah the censorship team is always ready to step in on reports, especially on BL stuff.

And of course the larger part is the change in censorship processes - honestly even way before SHL came out in end Feb, HYX was no closer to getting passed by the review committee than it is now. Maybe yes, SHL scenes may be now used as reference for comparison but seriously? People are deluding themselves if they thought pre-SHL HYX was going through the review process smoothly and only hit roadblocks after. I mean, we’ve all seen the leaks, some of them are truly like god-tier scenes that may be hard to explain away. It’s not like they can repackage the script especially because they have to submit everything to the review committee.

I mentioned this in a post yesterday but how SHL passed reviews is due to the fact that they didn’t have to submit a full script. They only had to submit a partial script, and that makes a world of difference. Basically a team, under these requirements, can repackage the script to include the more het looking parts even I feel, and of course some heavy misdirection by the team, it could work. Now that you have to put an entire script up for scrutiny.. I mean, it’s hard. This is just a game of probability.

And the last reason I think is still Tencent. Honestly, I’ve never seen a huge ass MNC like this handle a show this terribly.

1. No control over leaks - This is honestly the dumbest shit to do

2. Terrible crisis management response time - When fans leak footage, it’s standard and practical business sense to control it IMMEDIATELY. They shouldn’t just leave it up to the crew to put up notices and as the company that owns the rights to the show, it’s up to them to possibly threaten legal action as well. Basically a sterner stance would have helped a lot, but Tencent is a motherfucker of a company who only cares about free marketing and publicity without any considerations over impact to the show itself 

3. Terrible at communicating with fans - Seriously, I’ve never seen a company or team that’s been this bad at confirming delays etc. and providing updates about a show. I understand that it’s mostly due to them not wanting to affect the review process or create more chaos within the fandom but lmao Tencent allowed the hype to build so much and then goes absolutely silent at crazy rumours. I mean we had to find out about a delay from Cai Bao, their cat mascot, like??? In a really veiled and poetic message that didn’t outright say the word ‘delay’ like damn these ppl have a lot of time

As for SPL,

Lol we don’t know anything about this show. We don’t know if they took out or left in the Yifu part that would supposedly make it less gay or whatever, we don’t know anything about how gay it should have been or could have, so this one might be a tad more ridiculous. I mean none of us have seen any good leaks, and we haven’t seen any of the script, we got ZERO idea about this. Maybe they really went hard on the bromance, how would any of us know hahaha so all the more it’s like people have zero basis to go on, to say that it’s because of SHL. Seriously, everyone’s shooting in the dark.

Technically if laws didn’t change last Feb, I think SPL/WIK should have been passed in the same way as SHL did, but it’s just inopportune time for them.

===

- So tl:dr HYX already had tons of problems, that I doubt were going to go away just because SHL didn’t air, honestly. For SPL, it’s really hard to tell what failed the review, because none of us know what’s going on in the script.

No one cared about SHL, even I only realized the show was airing on the day itself and then made a rec post after I watched the first 4 eps. And if it truly was anything to do with SHL, I’m telling you that the first thing the censorship committee will do is basically shut SHL down, get Youku to take it off sites etc. until it’s reviewed again etc. etc. That hasn’t happened yet, at least not before HYX and SPL were stalled.

===

ALSO!! Don’t have to feel sorry for SHl fans hahaha I’m telling ya a lot of us definitely weren’t OG SHL or TYK fans, seriously! All the bigger accounts I see on Twitter are a combination of CQL/SHL or MXTX/SHL, SPL/SHL and I am personally 2HA/HYX/SHL. The fight is all out on Twitter HAHAHAHA but it’s not that bad, we’ve all got practice. Seriously WHO ACTUALLY is an SHL only stan I’ve honestly not seen much?! HAHAHA the point is we’re all yelling on behalf of SHL as a cross fandom fan, easier for us to do so as well. We’re talking about 2ha/HYX/SPL/Priest dedicated accounts that delved deep into SHL championing for no-nonsense in the space hahaha

[imjustwritingg]

pillow talk

This was supposed to be a quick one-shot, a continuation of 8x04, but when I started writing I couldn’t stop and Upstead kinda just took over my brain. It’s a long one. Enjoy and let me know what you think. 💜

Also here: AO3 & FanFic.Net 

---

pillow talk: the intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation that occurs between two lovers

---

Hailey can tell by the look on Jay’s face that he knows she’s lying, but he doesn’t call her out on it. He doesn’t say a word, just watches her with concerned eyes as he takes a long swig from his bottle of beer.

“You staying?”

It’s a weak attempt to change the subject, but Hailey needs them to talk about anything else other than her father at the moment

“If you want me to,” he says.

“It was implied by my asking.”

Jay rolls his eyes at the way she smirks at him, but takes a step forward and braces himself against her kitchen island.

“Then I’m staying. I may or may not already have a bag down in the truck.”

Hailey raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, but he shrugs it off with a small smile.

“I figured if I was gonna spend the night again we shouldn’t have another occurrence of me wearing the same clothes two days in a row. The team is bound to notice if they haven’t already’,” he tells her.

“Well, if they noticed they aren’t talking. Go get your bag and I’ll heat up the pizza from last night.”

Hailey tosses him her keys and then he’s gone. She locks the door behind him, the cop in her being cautious, and gets to reheating the pizza as promised.

While the food is warming in the oven – because leftover Bartoli’s in the microwave just doesn’t taste the same, Hailey changes out of her jeans and sweatshirt into a pair of baggy sweats and a tee. She’s just pulled her hair out of its tie when she hears the click of her front door. She steps out of her bedroom into the main room of her apartment and meets her partner in the entryway with a duffel slung over his shoulder.

“Pizza’s in the oven. You have some time if you wanna change first,” Hailey tells him.

Jay smiles at her and makes his way towards her. He reaches his free hand up to her face, cups her cheek in his palm, and then leans down to brush his lips against her forehead. A silent thank you. His lips are gone a moment later and he just smiles at her again with soft eyes as he steps around her.

Hailey finds herself smiling as she watches him walk away and disappear into her bedroom. She knows he’s always been a man of action, rarely being able to voice his feelings so instead he shows her in other ways.

Like how his eyes always find hers in the bullpen during a tough case. An unspoken question of “are you okay?”

The way he squeezes her shoulder when no one’s looking. A gentle reminder that he’s there for her.

How he always gets her a cup of her favorite coffee when he’s getting his own before work because he knows she runs on caffeine. To show her he cares.

Hailey realizes then as she finally makes her way back to the kitchen area, a grin still plastered on her face, that her smiling has become an almost permanent fixture since the night Jay kissed her at the bar. She lets out a sigh of contentment as the memory of that night comes back to her, and she has to bite her lip from smiling even harder as she checks the oven to find their dinner is ready. She takes the pizza out and plates a couple slices each for her and Jay before calling out to him that the food is ready.  

Hailey knows he’s heard her. Her new place isn’t small by any means, big enough for her and the company she keeps, but it’s not nearly as big as her condo was in Lincoln Park. She found herself hating the large amount of space and the sheer silence she’d return to after work, especially after Vanessa was gone. So, she sold it and found a new home, enjoying the smaller space she now resided in.

Jay emerges from the bedroom in his own sweats and a t-shirt a moment later, and meets her at the island. He picks up their beers from the counter and follows her to the couch as she carries their plates. Hailey turns the television on and they eat in silence while they watch highlights of some hockey game from the night before.

Once they’ve finished eating, they abandon their dishes to the coffee table, and Hailey notices how they’ve only gotten closer on her couch. They’re drawn together almost like magnets. At some point Jay’s hand had found her leg as she stretched out next to him to rest her socked feet on the table in front of them. He’s got a gentle hold on her upper thigh and her hand moves over his arm, drawing invisible patterns with her fingertips.

They’d slept together for the first time two days ago, but somehow the awkwardness that a small part of Hailey had anticipated there being between them just doesn’t seem to exist. There is nothing, but comfortability, a sense of domesticity that surrounds them, as if they’ve been doing this dance for a lot longer than forty-eight hours.

While Hailey’s fingers continue their movement against his skin, Jay glances over at her and smiles at the look on her face. She’s still very much awake, but he can tell she’s tired by the way her eyes blink slowly. It’s been a long couple days between finding the murderer of a slain cop and dealing with the situation of her father.

“You wanna go to bed?” He asks as he gives her leg a light squeeze.

Hailey looks over her shoulder to peek at the clock on her stove before turning back towards him. It’s almost nine.

“Not yet. If I sleep now I’ll be up way too early.”

Jay understands, having been there himself many times before where he didn’t know when or if sleep would come to him, and so he just nods as he squeezes her leg again. He feels her move next to him and watches as she tucks her legs under her, and then leans into his side. He moves an arm around her to pull her closer and she rests her head against the crook of his shoulder. She’s got her hand on his leg now, still needing to touch him with her fingers. A new thing that has developed since the morning they woke up together for the first time and they found themselves unable to keep their hands off of one another.

Jay can tell she’s thinking about something, maybe too hard, as he looks down at her and notices she’s staring off and no longer paying attention to the television, but he doesn’t say anything. He just moves his hand down her arm to run his fingers over her skin, another reminder to let her know he’s there. That’s he with her. He can’t help the smug smile that creeps out on his face when he feels the tiny shiver that moves over her at the feel of his touch.

He knows not to push her though. He learned that quickly earlier in the day when he thought he was helping her with her father. He wouldn’t soon forget the look on her face and the tears in her eyes when she’d revealed a small bit to him about her past.

“You don’t know the half of it...”

Those words have been lingering in the back of his head since she’d spoken them and he didn’t see that changing anytime soon. He didn’t know. And that killed him, but he knew her well enough to know that she’d tell him eventually. That she trusted him enough to tell him everything about herself when she was ready.

Jay had always felt protective over Hailey, even before they started this new thing between them. She’s his partner, his best friend, but hearing those words from her yesterday in the hallway made him feel unrelenting anger towards her father and he suddenly feels a sense of pride for the woman beside him. He’s so proud of her for not going to see the man who abused her. He may not know the details yet, but he knows enough to be able to say that Hailey doesn’t owe anyone forgiveness, and anyone who has hurt her sure as hell doesn’t deserve it.

He feels her move against him again, turning her head deeper into his shoulder, and then she’s breathing him in and he lowers his head just a few inches to drop a kiss into her hair. He moves his other arm hanging over the back of the couch and takes hold of her hand against his leg. He squeezes her fingers in his and faintly hears her mumbling into his shirt.

“What was that?” Jay asks her, his voice low as he looks down at her.

He feels her squeeze his fingers in return and she angles her head just enough to look him in the eyes when she speaks again.

“I said I like this,” she says.

Jay knows immediately what she’s referring to and he smiles at her. “I like it too.”

“It should feel weird, but it doesn’t. It’s like nothing has changed between us,” she admits and he notices the way her eyes dart between looking at him directly and looking anywhere else.

“Some things have changed,” he says. He quirks his eyebrows at her and there’s a suggestive smirk on his face which makes her roll her eyes at his lack of subtlety, but she’s smiling now.

They haven’t talked about what this is between them yet. What it means or what they are or where they go from here, but the somewhat nervous look in her eyes and the way he can tell she’s biting the inside of her cheek through her smile makes him grin. She looks adorable and all he wants is to kiss her nerves away so that’s just what he does.

He lifts his hand and weaves his fingers through her hair, holding the back of her head as he leans down and captures her lips with his own. She’s kissing him back immediately and he doesn’t miss the throaty moan that escapes her when his tongue slips past her lips to meet her own. It’s something new they’ve only just learned with one another. The way their lips move in sync with one another’s, how to make each other shiver and moan beneath the other’s touch, but it also feels as though they’ve done it a million times before now.

When they break away, the sight of her blue eyes staring back at him and the hazy look residing in them makes his heart ache in a good way, and he smiles down at her. There’s a fleeting moment where he realizes then just how hard he’s fallen for his partner. This woman who pulled him back from his dark days and bad decisions, who was patient, but pushy. This woman who saved his life, who never stopped showing him she cared, that she was there, that she was always in his corner. This woman who he is completely in love with.

And if it wasn’t for the fact that they’d only just fully started this thing between them mere days ago, he’d be saying those words out loud to her right there as they were pressed against each another on her couch. He holds the words in though, not wanting to make this moment between them any heavier, not wanting to freak her out even though he’s certain that she feels it too.

He’s quickly pulled out of his thoughts when he feels her hand against his cheek, thumb brushing over his stubble and a smile spread across her face. He realizes then he’s been staring at her the whole time he’s been lost in his realization of just how deep his feelings go for her.

“Let’s go to bed,” she tells him.

“Thought you said you couldn’t sleep yet.”

Hailey shakes her head at him, not breaking their eye contact, and he gets it then. There is a look of something in her eyes that tells him she is nowhere near wanting to sleep anytime soon.

“I didn’t say I wanted to sleep,” she nearly purrs at him as she voices his assumption out loud.

Hailey pulls herself away from him and stands from the couch, ignoring the plates and bottles on her coffee table, and reaches for his hands. He stands and follows her as she walks backward towards the bedroom, pulling him with her. Her hands let go of his as they near the side of her bed, eyes never leaving his, and she reaches for the bottom of his shirt. He lets her pull it up and over him before she tosses it to the floor, and then her hands are on him. She glides them across his stomach and up his chest, before settling around the back of his neck so she can pull him down closer to her level and kiss him some more.

There’s a guttural moan that escapes her again as Jay deepens the kiss and his hands find their way below her own shirt, his fingers ghosting over her warm skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in their place. His hands grip her sides, fingers slipping below the band of her sweatpants for a mere second before he pushes them down and they pool to the floor at their feet. Her underwear follows a second later and Hailey kicks them off as Jay moves closer to her. His proximity forces her to take a step back, but she goes willingly.

When Hailey feels the bed behind her, she turns and pushes Jay down to it and he pulls her with him. She falls on top of him as gracefully as she can in the heat of the moment, but Jay holds her over him easily with his hands on her hips. Hailey leans over him and then he’s squeezing the tops of her thighs, then her backside before dragging his hands up her back beneath her shirt.

He sits up with her in his lap then, her legs on either side of him, and pulls her shirt over her head before moving his attention to her neck, needing to taste her somehow. He nips and sucks as he explores the new, but familiar skin while Hailey’s hands fumble down his chest and back up his torso to move through his short hair. She’s deliriously distracted by the feel of Jay’s lips on her, letting out a gasp when he grips her hips again, tightly, and rolls them so he’s on top now.

Hailey nearly growls at him as he’s already taken control in the bedroom, but it’s fleeting when she realizes she still has a slight upper hand on him. She is able to push and pull at the waistbands of both his sweatpants and boxers now until they fall over his hips and he kicks them off at the foot of the bed.

Jay presses his lips to hers as he pulls the duvet up over them. He’s leaning over, trying to keep most of his weight on one arm so he doesn’t crush her, but Hailey just pulls him flush against her. They’re pressed so close together, skin against skin. There’s no sure way to determine where either of them end or begin as legs tangle, hands roam through hair, tongues explore, and fingers travel over skin. It’s electrifying, but that familiarity they’ve come to know hangs over them.

The last coherent thing Hailey remembers is the way Jay feels moving on top of her, how his eyes somehow find hers through the dimly lit room and is able to say so many things to her without uttering a single word. How she’s left thinking about how she is undeniably and so incredibly deep in love with this man as he takes her over the edge with him.

---

They’re still pressed against one another, both their bodies left in a residual state of ecstasy, as they lie under the covers. Hailey’s never really been the cuddling after sex type of woman. She doesn’t like showing her vulnerable side, but as she lies in her bed with her partner beside her, she thinks it��s something she wouldn’t mind doing every day for the rest of her life as long as it’s with him.

Jay props himself up on one elbow while she lies on her side facing him. His free hand rests over her backside above the covers, holding her close, while her fingers have gone back to drawing nonsense on his skin. All he can do is smile at her, completely amused by her, as she starts some rendition of connect the dots with the freckles splayed across his chest.

“You enjoying yourself?” He asks.

His soft smile turns into a teasing grin as she glances up at him and rolls her eyes at him, but her fingers don’t stop moving.

“I am actually. So many freckles.”

“I’m glad someone appreciates them. I was teased so bad in elementary school because of ‘em,” he tells her.

“You were probably so cute as a kid though,” she says absentmindedly, fingers still moving over his skin.

“I like to think I’m still cute,” he counters.

“Eh,” she says, pulling a hand back for a moment to give a back and forth gesture for good measure.

“You’re funny,” he says, sneaking his hand up behind her under the covers to run the tips of his fingers across her rib cage. She wiggles against him, trying to hold back a laugh.

“You’re not ticklish are ya, Hails?”

She shakes her head. “Not at all.”

“Not at all, hmmm?” He asks as he runs his fingers over her skin again and she wiggles once more before a loud laugh escapes her.

“Ok, maybe a little. You should know that I cannot be held accountable for my actions if you don’t stop.”

Jay knows she isn’t serious in the slightest and lets out a laugh. He stills his fingers, but keeps his hand on her hip under the covers and gives her a light squeeze.

There’s a moment silence that settles over them as Hailey’s fingers move across his chest before they stop suddenly and Jay catches her staring. His eyes follow hers, and he sees her index finger just shy of the scar below his shoulder. He watches her as she hesitates another moment before running the tip of her finger over the skin slowly, carefully, as if she’s afraid she’ll damage him somehow.

“Does it ever hurt?” She asks him then, but her eyes don’t leave the tarnished pink skin.

“Not anymore. Physical therapy helped with the stiffness. Now it’s just a reminder of how stupid I can be.”

Hailey shakes her head at him, her eyes finding his.

“You can be a little reckless maybe, but you’re not stupid. You just have a big heart. It’s one of the things I like most about you,” she tells him.

Her tone is quiet and sincere, but he recognizes a hint of sadness in her voice as she speaks and he can tell she’s thinking over something in her head.

“I have a question,” he says a beat later.

“Oh boy,” she groans out.

“It’s nothing bad. Just curiosity,” he assures her.

Hailey only nods and waits for him to continue.

“You said the other night that it’s been a long time for you since you saw me as just your partner,” he says and watches her smile at the memory.

“I did.”

“When did it change for you?”

Jay watches her as she takes a deep breath, no doubt the question taking her by surprise. Her fingers stop moving against him and she moves her hand down his chest to his waist. There’s virtually no space between them, but she somehow inches closer, holding him against her. He drops his elbow to lie straight on his side next to her and can’t help himself as he runs his fingers through her hair to the top of her head, needing to always be touching her now.

Hailey takes another deep breath, trying to find the words to answer his question, and she squeezes her hand against his hip again before she lifts her eyes to his. She needs to look at him when she answers him.

“I think it was maybe after your dad died. You got shot and I found you in the street. I just lost it. I thought you were dead. I went out drinking with Adam that night, trying to wrap my head around everything. Trying to ignore everything. I needed a distraction and then, well, you know what happened after that.”

Hailey watches as his eyes grow a bit wider at her admission. She can tell he’s not upset, not angry with her. He couldn’t be. But she does see a slight look of realization in his eyes.

“I didn’t know it was that night,” he says. He’s not sure how he’d never known that detail.

Hailey swallows a large lump in her throat that she hadn’t noticed was forming during her confession. She forces it down and squeezes his side again, letting out a long sigh.

“I was a wreck Jay. He was there. A warm body to sleep next to. I didn’t think anything would come of it,” she explains.

“I’m not judging,” he tries to assure her, looking right at her, almost through her as he notices tears in her eyes now.

She knows she doesn’t owe him any further explanation, but she can’t stop herself or the words from pouring out of her now.

“What happened with Adam wasn’t serious and I knew it wouldn’t be, even if it did last longer than I expected. I tried for a while to bottle it all up, push down my feelings for you. We’re partners, ya know? All I could think about was what happened with me and Garrett, with you and Erin. And then things just spiraled after that. Al died and Antonio left. Kelton was on a warpath. Then you got shot again last year and that time I really did almost lost you.”

Jay nods in understanding. He knows about Garrett, what she’s shared of her relationship with him, and he knows it destroyed her when she lost him. Jay’s own relationship with Erin ended poorly to put it lightly, and the rest were ripple effects of unforeseen circumstances and bad timing. There’s a somewhat sad, reminiscent look on Hailey’s face now as he leans his head down towards hers. He moves his hand up her body and holds the side of her face.

“The awful things that have happened, none of that’s on you,” he tells her. He needs her to know that none of it is her fault. That he doesn’t blame her. That he never has, never could.

“Trust me, I didn’t exactly plan on falling for another partner,” she attempts to joke. He gives her a side eye and notices a tiny twitch of a smile peek out at the corners of her mouth.

“Yeah, you kinda came out of nowhere for me too,” he tells her.

Jay smiles sweetly at her before closing the remaining gap between them and presses his lips against hers. It’s sweet and slow, and she kisses him back just the same.

“When did it change for you?” She finds herself asking when they finally pull away.

“I think I was a little later to the game than you, but not by much,” he says honestly. Hailey just smiles softly at him and waits for him to go on.

“It was that domestic case with the Alderman’s wife and that kid, Devin. I just remember seeing how it was affecting you and wanting to protect you. Be there for you. We had drinks at your place that one night, then Adam showed up. I got really jealous when I realized he had you and I didn’t.”

Her hand finds its way to the back of his head then, holding him to her for a millisecond before she kisses him just as softly as he’d done to her moments ago. It’s quick, but sincere, and she finds herself mesmerized as she stares into his green eyes when they pull away.

“He never had me, not like you. Not like this,” she whispers.

And then he’s kissing her again. It’s the closest they’ve come to saying those words and he tries with everything in him to say the words he wants to say out loud with his lips against hers instead. They get lost in the softness and the tenderness, and then the moment is broken by the ringing of a phone coming from her nightstand beside them.

Jay groans against her lips as they pull away and Hailey just smiles at him, knowing they’re both thinking the same thing. That phones are not their friend when they’re in bed together. She turns in his arms and reaches for her phone that has once again broken a moment between them, but the grin on her face doesn’t go unnoticed by her partner when she looks at the screen.

“Who is it?”

“Vanessa wants to FaceTime. I haven’t spoken to her since before New York,” she tells him.

He nods down at the phone in her hands. “You better answer it then. A pissed off Rojas is no joke.”

Hailey’s smile widens and she kisses him once more before turning to reach for her shirt on the floor. She pulls it on quickly to cover herself, then leans back against her headboard and swipes to answer the video call.

When she sees Vanessa’s face on the screen, the younger officer’s grin matches Hailey’s and she immediately goes into it with the blonde.

“Hi my favorite roomie! I miss you so much. I’m finally back to real life and I needed to talk to you. How are you? How’s the team? How was New York? Tell me everything! I miss you guys!”

“Hey V! I better be your favorite roomie and I miss you too! I’m good, the team is good, New York was alright. Glad to be home though. How was the case? And where are you?”

The blonde notices her friend isn’t in a hotel or a room of some kind, rather sitting against a wall in some sort of plastic chair.

Jay smiles at the interaction between the two women that have become fast friends, smiling wider at the one beside him when he notices the look of pure happiness and contentment on her face. It’s a sight he loves to see on her so he sits back against the headboard and just watches her.

“I should also tell you I’m not alone,” he hears Hailey tell the younger woman a few seconds later. He glances at the phone in Hailey’s hand in time to catch the curious look on Vanessa’s face.

“I’m at the airport about to catch a flight back to Chicago. The case took me to Boston for a bit. But what do you mean you’re not alone?” Vanessa asks.

Hailey scrunches her face, smiling sheepishly, and glances over at Jay for a moment who just smiles and nods, knowing what she’s asking.

“Well...” Hailey begins and then she turns the phone just enough for Vanessa to catch sight of a shirtless Jay sitting beside her.

Neither of them misses the bulging eyes of the girl on the phone and they both laugh, and then Jay waves.

“Hi Vanessa,” he says.  

“Well hello, Halstead. Fancy seeing you in Hailey’s bed and shirtless, no less,” the young woman teases with raised eyebrows.

Jay just smiles and nods, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink that makes Hailey laugh.

“All I have to say is it’s about damn time. What’s it been? Like a year since the hospital thing, Hails?”

Hailey’s eyes bug out and she shoots a glare at Vanessa, but not before catching the curious look on Jay’s face. She can already see the wheels turning in his head.

And she’s right. His mind starts playing flashbacks of that day he was released from the hospital and she came to pick him up. When they had once again been interrupted by a phone and he almost screwed up again. He remembers how she had said she wanted to tell him something, but she never did.

“Uh, yeah. It’s been a while,” Hailey says, looking back at her phone.

“Well whatever happened, I’m glad it did. You guys are both so clueless and stubborn,” Vanessa says with a shake of her head.

There’s a distant voice from somewhere in the background and the look on Vanessa’s face tells Hailey their time together is about to be cut short.

“They’re starting to board. I gotta go, but as soon as I’m back we have to get together. I want all the details my friend,” Vanessa winks through the phone.

“Oh god,” she hears Jay scoff from beside her and she laughs again before nodding at her former roommate.

“Be safe and text me when you land,” Hailey tells her and watches as Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“Yes mom,” she teases.

“We can be lazy this weekend with some Grub Hub and Netflix, and catch up on everything,” Hailey suggests.

“Sounds good to me. I love you lots and I’ll see you soon. Bye Jay!”

Hailey turns the phone back towards Jay and he waves again. “Bye Vanessa. Be safe.”

They disconnect a moment later and Hailey places her phone back on the nightstand before she turns to look at Jay who has a shit eating grin on his face now.

“What?”

“That day in the hospital,” is all he says and she rolls her eyes at him.

“You caught that huh?”

“Damn right, I caught that. You were gonna tell me you like me,” he teases her.

Hailey feels the heat in her cheeks almost instantly and she looks anywhere, but at his face. She tries to distract herself with the corner of the duvet that rests over them in her bed, but he reaches for one of her hands and laces his fingers through hers. She tilts her face towards him and catches his bright green eyes staring back at her, a grin still fixated on his own face.

“I like you too,” he says with a squeeze of her hand.

“I thought you might,” she tells him, unable to stop herself from grinning right back at him.

There’s another moment and then he can’t stop himself when he says, “I really like you.”

Hailey nods in silent agreement knowing exactly what he means and what he’s trying to say, but also knowing they don’t need to say those words just yet. She knows this thing between them is real, that it’s the long-haul type of deal. She knows that even though he’s never been good with his emotions, he’s somehow good with them when it comes to her and she realizes she doesn’t need to hear the words just yet. That she wants to bask in the newness of them for just a little while longer.

And for a few more moments she does until the day catches up to her and she realizes what she had done earlier. How she lied to him in her kitchen and a feeling she doesn’t like creeps up inside of her. A feeling that she doesn’t want this new thing between them to start out on a lie, however minuscule and necessary it may have been hours ago when she’d done it.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“I lied to you,” she says before she loses her nerve.

He raises an eyebrow at her, not sure exactly what she means, and then he smirks at her to lighten the slight tension he notices has formed between them.

“What, you don’t actually like me?” He teases.

“No. I mean, yes. Ugh. Yes, I like you, but no, that’s not it,” she says as she takes her free hand and runs it though her hand nervously.

“What is it?” He coaxes. The look on her face tells him they’re about to have another one of their heavy moments.

“Um, when you first got here. I told you that my dad was good, that I talked to him, but I didn’t talk to him. I stared at him through the window of his room and then I left. I just, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, I - “

“You don’t need to explain yourself Hailey. Not to me,” he tells her while squeezing her fingers against his.

“But I lied to you.”

“I already knew you lied and I get why you did it. I knew you’d talk to me about it when you were ready.”

“How did you know that?” She asks him.

“Because I just know you Hails.”

Jay notices the look in her eyes then, a tiny bit of confusion and as if she’s waiting for more. He feels the way her hand is almost trembling in his now and he realizes that she’s expecting him to be angry with her. It’s what she has witnessed with her parents and what she was used to seeing as a kid. It’s as if she almost expects the anger and hostility to come, but it doesn’t. It won’t. Not with Jay.

He is sure she knows he would never hurt her, but a part of him feels like he needs to remind her. Because the way she’s looking at him with tears glistening in her eyes again is making his heart constrict almost painfully. He just wants to wrap his arms around her and shield her from everything, but he knows he can’t and he knows she wouldn’t let him.

“Can I say something?”

Hailey can tell he’s treading carefully by the tone in his voice. He’s always careful with her, but not in an overbearing way, and at that moment she’s grateful despite the tiny part of her that is feeling nervous over the words he could say. She nods at him anyway and watches him take a quick, deep breath before he speaks again.

“I really am sorry for yesterday when we were questioning Zach. You thought I was talking about you when we were pushing him, and maybe subconsciously I was, but it wasn’t my intention to make you feel bad about the situation.”

He pauses for a moment letting his words sink in before he squeezes her hand yet again and continues.

“I know I don’t know the full extent of what happened to you, of what you experienced with your dad, with any of it, and I would never try to force you into saying or doing something you don’t wanna do. That you’re not ready to do. I also know that you’d kick my ass if I ever tried to boss you around like that.”

He gets her to smile like he hoped he would and then pulls his hand from hers to hold the side of her face.

“I’ve told you before we’re good. We’ll always be good. That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to,” he tells her.

“And one more thing? While we’re touching on this subject at least,” he adds before she can say anything.

“What’s that?” She asks him as she sniffs back more tears.

“I need you to hear me when I say you’re safe with me. That I wouldn’t ever...I mean, I couldn’t, God, I can’t even say the words Hailey.”

“You wouldn’t hit me you mean?” She offers. She says it so casually like it’s not something terrible to speak of.

The realness of it all and what she’s been through hits him in the gut again. It claws at his insides how someone as brave and strong and wonderful as Hailey could ever be in a situation where she doubts her worth or questions whether or not someone loves her. He’s completely dumbfounded how anyone could ever hurt her.

“Yeah,” he chokes out and she finds herself nodding her head at him.

“I know you wouldn’t. Still a little reassuring to hear it though, so thank- “

“Don’t say it,” he nearly pleads with her, his eyes glistening with tears of his own. He certainly hadn’t expected their night to go like this, with this conversation.

“Say what?” She presses.

“Don’t thank me for saying I wouldn’t ever put my hands on you like that. It’s not romantic or chivalrous, Hailey. It’s the absolute bare minimum,” he tells her.

All she can do is stare at him as the weight of his words sound in her ears and hit her hard in her chest. She always knew the bar was low, that not being an abuser wasn’t usually a checkbox on the list of qualities to have in a significant other. That it should just be a given that it wouldn’t happen. He just stares right back at her with so much care and concern andlove that it makes the tears she’s been holding in fall from her eyes.  

The only response she has for him is another slow nod of her head and then she’s kissing him again, tears be damned. She presses herself against him and pours everything she has into that one moment, like it could be their last, even though she knows it won’t be. She knows they’re going to have so many more of these moments. These kisses and admissions and gentle caresses in the middle of the night.

Her eyes are still closed when they pull back from one another, and then she’s relishing the feel of his lips on her forehead for the second time that night. When she opens her eyes, he’s staring right at her.

“This has been some pretty heavy pillow talk we’ve had tonight,” she says to him once they’ve settled back down into her bed under the covers.

Jay’s arms and hands find their way around her again, needing to touch her. He smiles softly at her once more and leans over to kiss the side of her head. It’s the only response that feels right.

Hailey’s not sure how much time passes between them in silence. Sleep has started to creep up on her fast and she knows it was near eleven when she got off the phone with Vanessa. She glances up at Jay and sees his eyes are closed, but she knows he’s still awake because his fingers ghost over her skin. He drags them up and down her spine and over the dip of her lower back. It’s as if he’s trying to put her to sleep himself, but she has a sudden thought and she needs to say one more thing before she passes out beside him.

“Hey Jay,” she calls out, just audible enough for him to hear her, but not loud enough to break the sleepy state they’re succumbing to.

“Hmmm?” She hears him moan out and then he squeezes her side in recognition as well.

“Just for the record, I really like you too,” she tells him.

Jay opens his eyes at her words, the unspoken meaning of them not being lost on him, and Hailey gives him a sleepy smile. He just smiles back at her with a stupid grin that she’s come to adore, and then he nods in quiet understanding before he leans down to kiss her again because he doesn’t think he could ever stop kissing her now that’s he had her.

The air around them thins out, the heaviness of their evening beginning to dissolve, as they kiss each other slowly for another few moments and just hold onto the other.

As heavy as their words have been tonight, Hailey realizes their conversation over the last few hours has almost been necessary, maybe even a little overdue. It’s only been two days of this, but she’s sure they’re not moving fast. If anything, they might not have moved fast enough. After all, it did take them quite a long time to get to this moment. Three years worth of time to this moment where they’re lying in bed together, naked under covers, saying I love you to each other without actually saying the words. It just feels natural. It feels like them.

[thetriggeredhappy]

can I request sniper and scout planning a little secret symbolic wedding for themselves? its just self indulgent, since they wanna have this connection so they do a tiny intimate thing for the two of them but then all the two teams show up, ms pauling, sniper's parents and scout's family to celebrate too, and they all have a happy day

i dunno if this one will be coherent or and i dont have a joke for ya so thats where we’re at today

(no warnings)

-

He notices Scout looking at things just a little longer. Scout was a man of motion, of emotion, of elation, so seeing him pause, ever, for any length of time, was enough to pique Sniper’s interest. It had to be a big deal, of Scout was looking at it, and he prided himself on being observant.

So seeing the things he paused in front of—jewelry stores, boutiques, flower shops, at first it confused him, but then he saw what Scout was looking at in them. The flower shops had pretty arrangements right in front, labeled vaguely in some with phrases like ‘arrangements for your special day!’ and less vaguely in others as ‘wedding arrangements available’. The boutiques often with white dresses towards the front, and pictures of smiling couples nearby.

Little cards in the display of the jewelry store window proclaiming ‘engagement rings’.

It didn’t take long to piece together.

A number of issues were present. The concept of legal marriage alone was a big one. First because they were two men, one of whom was shaky in terms of immigration and two of whom were shaky in terms of being legally defined as criminals of the highest degree, potentially legally dead in some ways, and certainly smart enough to not walk into a courthouse. Besides that, the paperwork involved, the idea of getting either of their families around when Scout’s family was constantly on the wind in at least one corner and his own hardly on speaking terms with him, the heartbreak—

But Scout paused when he looked at the engagement rings.

Sniper was increasingly exasperated and helpless against the little voice in his head that seemed to watch out for Scout’s well-being, that said, well, couldn’t he at least try and figure something else out?

So it took some thinking. Some rehearsing his words in his own head. Some justifications being made, torn down, analyzed and readdressed with a clearer mind. And he came to a decision.

And when he next got the chance, he called his mum and had a talk with her about a lot of things, so many of them at least a decade and a half in the making. And she didn’t understand, not at all, not on that first phone call, not on the second. But on the third she took care to assure him that she would try, she really would, she really would, and finally gave him permission to use the old family heirloom engagement ring.

And it was subtle and sudden when Sniper proposed. Scout was sat on the steps of the camper, using Sniper’s pocket knife to pick mud out of the soles of his shoes, and Sniper took a seat next to him, plonked a pair of bottles between them. Scout leaned over to bump their shoulders together, grinning at him, and Sniper smiled too, started drinking his own.

Out clear on the horizon line, most of the clouds hadn’t quite blown far enough to obscure the sun. It would be setting soon, and then Scout would be off to eat with the rest of the team and Sniper would get to his own routine. It was a nice night, though.

Finally Scout flicked the knife closed, tucked it into his pocket best he could, reached for the bottle still sitting next to him, popped it and started drinking before it could foam over (he didn’t know how it always did that, he just had awful luck, apparently).

Sniper finished his own drink before Scout could get very far into his own. Stared out across the desert.

“You good?” Scout finally asked, picking idly at the label. “You seem, uh... I dunno. Sad, maybe. One’a those?”

“No, er... just...” Sniper tried, cleared his throat. Now Scout’s eyebrows were raised. “Nervous, is all.”

“Oh, one’a those,” Scout said, and frowned when Sniper shook his head again, drawing a hand down his face, taking a deep breath. “Is... is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Sniper nodded, took another deep breath. “Yeah. Just...”

He paused for a long few moments. Reached to fish through the pocket of his vest, held his closed fist out to Scout. Scout freed up a hand to hold a hand out, palm-up, still frowning, and pulled it back to look at the item Sniper had dropped in his palm.

Blinked. Blinked. Sniper gulped, wishing he had a drink still, something to help with how dry his mouth had gone all of a sudden, watching Scout’s expression carefully.

“Oh,” Scout whispered. Barked a laugh, like shock more than humor, the volume abrupt. “Oh.”

Sniper gulped hard again, looked away, looked back. Scout’s expression didn’t change in the time he wasn’t watching it. “You seem, er... surprised,” Sniper said carefully.

“Well, yeah, duh, yeah, I didn’t—“ Scout said all in a stumbling rush, and took a breath, and seemed to hold it. His eyes hadn’t moved from the ring since he first saw it. He blinked a few times, barked that laugh again. “I didn’t think you’d want...”

“I do,” Sniper said, voice tight, and Scout looked up at him for the first time in a while, and his eyes widened in even more surprise.

“Oh, shit,” he said quickly, seeming to finally register the nervousness, the fear, the worry, and he surged forward, hands on Sniper’s shoulders, one wrapped in half a fist around the ring. “I, yeah, yes, I, yes to the—yes! I’m—“

And then he kissed Sniper, hard, almost bruising, and it didn’t get particularly far before it was broken by another huff of air against Sniper’s lips, and when he pulled back Scout’s grin was a little weak.

“Just never thought you’d ask me, not in a million years,” he admitted.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to cry,” Sniper teased, entire body awash with a sense of relief.

“Oh, fuck off, you’re the one with the watery eyes here,” Scout scoffed, and kissed him again.

And they both made sure to note that they knew there were more conversations to be had, but those could wait until both of them had a clearer head again, which took damn near a week and a half, both so much more giddy than they’d expected to be, then another week when Sniper next saw the ring, hung on a little chain usually tucked beneath Scout’s shirt, worn around his neck apparently since the day he got it.

He liked the word fiancée more than he’d expected to, and he’d expected to like it a lot, and even then, Scout seemed to like it even more.

And Scout admitted half his surprise up front had been because he himself had no real idea how this was going to work, it was just that the idea of being married made him really really happy. He liked weddings, loved weddings, loved the idea of... of settling into something. That really, marriage was the only kind of settling down that he’d ever liked the idea of. And even if it was just... just something quiet, just the two of them, that was fine by him.

And Sniper had nodded, and there had been a pause, but then suddenly Scout spoke up again with a ‘but, I mean, my Ma is always going on about wanting to see me get married, so I kinda have to invite her to whatever we do’.

That was a good start for the plans they had. No particular pressure on it, really, considering they decided not to tell anyone at first. Sniper started trying to figure out where might be a good place to hold... something, maybe not a whole ceremony, but something. Scout started trying to figure out where to get a suit, and where Sniper could get his own tailored, but they weren’t in a rush, and a few months passed without making much progress at all, nothing even feeling like it had changed except that now Sniper would catch Scout fidgeting with the chain he kept the ring on and grinning.

The first real change came when someone else noticed too.

Pyro, stood in-between matches and pointing at the chain around Scout’s neck as he switched into a less charred shirt and mumbling a question, made Scout stammer. Scout stammering made most of the team turn to look. Then more of them saw the chain there, saw the ring there, and some of the more perceptive ones pieced together a few things rather quickly. It was Demo who first said something, outright asking ‘is that an engagement ring?’.

A beat of silence where all were frozen, then the voice over the intercom rang out telling them they had ten seconds until battle, and Scout was off like a shot towards the gate.

In his absence, eyes turned to Sniper instead, who proved to be even less helpful in that he stuttered his way through all ten of those seconds and the team had no choice but to follow Scout’s lead and leave it for later.

Sniper was hoping that he’d be able to escape the team’s questions after battle if he could make it through the Resupply room before everyone else did. But he realized very quickly that would also mean throwing Scout to the proverbial wolves, and besides that, he couldn’t run from this forever. So instead he kicked around the Resupply for a few minutes waiting for the team to come back from chasing down the other team in the humiliation round, and wasn’t entirely surprised when Scout was one of the first back, expression tight with nerves up until the exact moment that Demo and Soldier came wandering in, elbowing at each other and chatting at well above speaking volume.

Neither of them, apparently, had much to say, besides Demo clapping Sniper hard on the shoulder and proclaiming that it took them long enough, and Soldier brushing off their ‘fraternizing nonsense’ in favor of continuing his argument with Demo. Pyro was in the room next, talking and gesturing enthusiastically, and while Scout was trying to translate to Sniper the Engineer came in and shoo’d Pyro along, telling them to mind their business, albiet with what Sniper would almost refer to as a proud smile aimed in Scout’s direction. Medic and Heavy were in the room next, and all that Heavy seemed to be confused about was the legality surrounding marriage between anyone besides a man and a woman in the United States, with Medic attempting to explain but also largely clueless to the actual logistics of the thing. Spy only stuck around long enough to quip that it was a little ridiculous for any of them to worry about legality of all things, which Sniper wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret.

Demo, across the room, in the middle of trying to unstick his jacket from himself with all the mud coating one side of it, quipped that he’d better be invited, and asked what he had to do to get the best man position. From there, a series of what Sniper interpreted as mostly jokes followed, the team chiming in about their attendance, including a number of them laughing that they weren’t exactly allowed in any churches and Pyro insisting that they wanted to be the one throwing the flowers (and no they would not in fact set any on fire) and Heavy saying that if they couldn’t find a good glass to stomp on then Medic had plenty of spare beakers that he wasn’t using for anything, much to the doctor’s protest.

This became the team running joke for a while, was everyone constantly bringing up the wedding. When Spy stomped into the room fuming because of another perfectly good shirt ruined by the base’s washing machine, the Engineer quipped that oh no, what would he wear to the wedding now? When Soldier got into an argument with Pyro, Demo referred to it as a spat between groomsmen. When Sniper was acting particularly cranky one day (not his fault, the base’s coffee machine was awful and they really needed to replace it one of these days), Spy muttered into his tea that it was a shame Scout had to put up with such a bridezilla, a joke Medic chortled about well into the afternoon.

It might have gotten out of hand around the time that poor Pauling had to hear about it, just trying her best to oversee delivering a set of brand new weapons and explaining their assorted bells and whistles, accosted through her entire explanation by jokes that this was a bit extravagant for a wedding gift, that hopefully she’d at least get time off to attend the reception, that competition for maid of honor wasn’t exactly steep but she’d probably be winning anyways, until finally she snapped that if Sniper and Scout were actually going to get married then they needed to note that on their upcoming contract renewals but to otherwise stop talking to her about it so damn much.

This, Scout said, is when he started feeling bad for not talking to his Ma about it yet. Miss Pauling knowing he was getting married before his own mother felt wrong, he said, and so he spent the afternoon steeling himself to make the phone call.

From the combination of relief and vague dismay on Scout’s face when he came back, Sniper could tell something was up, and it was with a number of pauses in the middle of speaking that Scout explained that he’d barely gotten through the news before Ma had started calling over various brothers to tell them the news too, each taking a turn on the phone to get halfway through some kind of third degree that they needed to pass along to Sniper before actually congratulating him, each asking when they’d need to get down there for the wedding in turn. Apparently he’d accidentally called when some of his brothers were over for dinner, and so he explained to Sniper that word was as good as out, because as much as he loved his brothers, not a single one of them could keep their mouths shut to each other.

And so they both sat down with a calendar and had to pick an actual date for a wedding.

Altogether, the date they picked was a little over a year since Sniper proposed, which felt appropriate, and only a few months from then, just long enough for Scout’s brothers to get time off of work. They decided against a whole entire proper ceremony with a priest and vows and all, mostly because legality being an issue, they didn’t have much a reason to stick to tradition. A few things would end up sticking, though. They’d have seating, because Sniper’s mum wasn’t up for standing around for long periods of time anymore and one of Scout’s brothers had that bad leg and cane from his time in the army. They’d dress up for it, because Scout was truly looking forward to that part, to looking nice on the actual day. Vows weren’t necessarily going to be on-script, but they’d both take a moment to say something to each other, and there would be a kiss, and then they’d have a bit of time set aside for if either of their families brought up any traditions they truly wanted to do. And, of course, there’d be some kind of party afterwards, because they both knew that the team would make there be a party afterwards either way.

What they didn’t expect was how quickly the team jumped to help as soon as they mentioned they’d set an actual date in stone to some degree. The Engineer was quick to offer to help with setting up chairs and tables, carting things around if they needed it, having a truck and all. Soldier was happy to offer suggestions for if they wanted catering, having eaten at and subsequently been banned from every eatery in the county, and Pyro started baking at an until then unprecedented clip as they tried to find the exact right recipe for a good wedding cake because they had to have a wedding cake and it had to be perfect. Heavy, to his credit, pointed out a few logistical issues with having the wedding, namely that it couldn’t be anywhere on the base and that they weren’t allowed in the town of Teufort, and Demo was so kind as to offer up his own house and property, given that it had so much space and he knew his mother wouldn’t mind it and besides that, it was a very pretty place.

And then Spy found in the mail the magazines Sniper was looking through when trying to pick out something suit-adjacent, and he could tell Spy was gearing up to really lay into him about it before Sniper pointed out that Spy should really just stop snooping through other people’s mail, and by the next day he found a pair of order forms in his camper on the table, almost entirely filled out except for a few of the fields regarding things like the color of the suits and payment information.

And then he and Scout were trying on suits, and figuring out which hotels were close enough for Scout and Sniper’s families to stay in, and looking at flowers, and figuring out how many days they should schedule off of work and whether the team would be doing the same—

—and then it was the week before, and one night Sniper found himself standing in the camper with Scout, late at night, half-exhausted and stressed out and more terrified than he’d expected to be, arms tight around Scout’s waist. And Scout held on just as tight, and inhaled, and exhaled, shifting with that breath in Sniper’s grip. And Sniper found himself breathing out apologies, so quiet they didn’t quite catch against the grit in his voice, for causing such a fuss about all this, for things getting so out of hand. And Scout had laughed, had squeezed him tight in arms usually used for hurting people to instead give him so much comfort in that moment, and said that he wouldn’t want it any other way. Anything else and it wouldn’t exactly feel like them.

And the two days before the wedding stretched out infinitely, a mix of terror and impatience lacing his every move, and then the day of the wedding itself felt like it took no time at all.

The sun didn’t quite beat down upon them, a blessing even with them wearing simple vests as opposed to full suits, a scattering of cloud cover making the heat bearable and throwing the sunshine out away from them. And the grass around the DeGroot residence was slippery in the morning, slick under their shoes, and Sniper watched nervously across towards his mum and dad as his dad squinted suspiciously around at things and his mum patted him consolingly about only god knew what. And one of Scout’s brothers had brought a camera and was dashing around taking pictures, and most of the team had managed to dig up assorted formal wear, and the Engineer bustled trying to make sure everything was set up just right as Soldier helped Pyro with carrying the frankly ludicrous cake towards the table somewhere. And on one side was Scout’s family, all rowdy, and on the other was the team, even rowdier, his parents squashed between and being vaguely protected from the team by the more generally responsible ones (namely Heavy, who Sniper’s father clearly approved of in some way for being so imposing, and Spy, who Sniper’s mother approved of on the basis of him being entirely polite). And Miss Pauling was there much to Sniper’s surprise, claiming that she was meant to oversee off-base activities (although he suspected she just wanted the time off and was glad to watch the final nail go into the coffin of Scout’s long-gone infatuation with her). And Medic was so kind as to let Sniper know the other team had left a present at the base for them that morning—assuring him, at his alarmed look, that it was merely a prank dummy bomb set to tick as loudly as possible within the packaging, and a note thanking them for the free time off. That was as much a relief as the cloud cover.

And then the ceremony itself happened, so long before Sniper was ready, as if he could ever truly be ready. And he’d seen Scout’s vest already, but not worn, not standing across from him with a glitter in his eyes and a watery smile and hands fidgeting nervously with grip tape that wasn’t there, face red. And Sniper’s hands were sweaty and clammy, and his voice cracked from the very first word of what he had been rehearsing in his head over and over since he proposed, but the way Scout’s expression shone with pride and love had made so much of that nervousness disappear, and he couldn’t find it in him to be nervous, to worry about the team.

He didn’t have it written down, felt that note cards would make this feel stiff, and he wasn’t all that good at writing down his thoughts regardless. But Scout was sniffling by the end of it, and his own voice had gone rough as he just barely kept it together, so he at least knew he was doing something right. 
And Scout didn’t have anything written down either, and when his turn to speak came, there were a few long moments where Sniper worried he’d blanked, forgotten what he wanted to say. But Scout got there, voice surprisingly steady, surprisingly level. And he didn’t remember all of it, but he remembered some in the middle.

“I still can’t believe you love me, that you wanna stay with me for as long as we can, that you trust me and care about me,” Scout said, “but I’m gonna try, I’m gonna try so hard, and I’m gonna do whatever I gotta do to make sure you know I love you too, every single day, and to earn it. I promise. That’s what this is, is me promising. I promise.” 
And that’s when Sniper broke, the first tears falling, needing to wipe at his face gingerly with his sleeve and accompanied by a general ‘aww’ and chuckles from the crowd of loved ones gathered there, and Scout smiled all the wider.

And Sniper did end up stomping on a glass (not one of Medic’s beakers), and both of them were all but showered in assorted confetti by the family they’d somehow gathered over the years, and there was eating, and dancing, and drinking, and dancing, and by the time the sun started to set down beyond the horizon line he found himself stood there with Scout in the middle of it all, kissing him over, and over, and over again, each and every one a promise that he very much intended to keep, come what may.

“I love you,” he said, again, again, and Scout never once stopped smiling.

[ineedglasses]

VK Character Analysis: Rido Kuran

Rido is a complete, messed up, SOB, but I still like him as a character because he is simply such a fun villain. If I were to place him in that alignment chart thing, he would be “chaotic evil” without a doubt.

While he is generally seen as a creepy, sister-obsessed, maniac, I really believe he was different earlier in his life. 

This analysis is based off the Rido we see in the manga and the light novel, NOT the Rido in the anime, since the anime was trash and deviated from the manga when it came to his arc. Anyway, at the start of the post, I will go over the info from the light novel and manga, next will be my headcanons of him as a young man and at the end is my interpretation of him when he was crazy, as we see him in the original series.

                                                               XXX

The Deranged Love story in the Fleeting Dreams light novel talks about Rido’s obsession with Juri and gives some info on their past. However, when compared to the original VK series there are several points that don’t add up, and some parts of the light novel simply make no sense.

First, Both VKM and the light novel mention that Rido killed his parents and presumably devoured them to take their powers. That makes sense, it seems like something he would do. What doesn’t make sense to me is the timeline. When exactly did he kill his parents? 

All the light novel tells us is that he killed them immediately after they engaged him to Shizuka. Is this around the time Haruka and Juri got married? I always assumed Haruka and Juri have been married for a while, like at least 1000 years. If this is the case, within that time period, how can they not notice that their parents are dead and that their brother killed them? 

Or does their murder occur closer to the time Juri got pregnant? But this doesn’t make sense either because Rido referred to Shizuka as a “small child” when he killed his parents, and by the time Juri was pregnant with Yuki’s real brother, Shizuka was probably already at least one or two thousand years old. Unless Shizuka is much younger than we thought? So when exactly Rido kills his parents is quite the mystery.

Secondly, How did he kill his parents? 

I assume the older a pureblood, the more powerful they are. So how can he, by himself, kill his parents, both of whom are older and more powerful than him? I doubt his dad was a weakling because as former king of vampires, he should be quite powerful. In the light novel, it seems his parents were already wary of him and wanted to keep him away from Juri. Thus they wouldn’t completely let their guard down around him. And its not like Rido could carry around a hunter sword with him without it being noticed. Even if he was carrying something small like a dagger, his parents should have been able to overwhelm him in a fight since its 2 vs 1. 

Kaname has commented that “purebloods have equal powers, so they would only exhaust each other in battle”; basically it is hard to kill another pureblood unless you have some advantage (e.g. Shizuka being already wounded by Zero’s hunter gun). So the only logical way Rido can kill his parents is if he catches them off guard, such as when they are taking a centuries long slumber in the family mausoleum, basically doing what Sara did to Hanadagi. 

Thirdly, another point that makes no sense is that Rido in the light novel says:

“My parents had taken my precious Juri far away from me and made it so that we could never meet.” 

How exactly did his parents take Juri away and stop them from ever meeting again? Send her abroad with no intention of ever letting her return? And yet the manga clearly contradicts that, because Rido is still in contact with Haruka and Juri, he was there to see their firstborn baby!

Fourthly, this is a small detail that has always irked me: In the manga, when Yuki’s brother peed on him, Rido mentions that he used to change his siblings’ diapers when they were babies. 

However the light novel kind of contradicts that, because young Rido upon being called in to meet his baby sister says: “I will confess that newborns seemed very uninteresting to me at that time”; does this sound like an older brother that would change his younger siblings’ diapers? It sounds like a guy who would leave baby care to the nannies and stay far away from soiled diapers. 

Finally, we get to the biggest illogical point in the light novel: Rido was a psychopath that just randomly developed an obsession upon seeing the newborn Juri.

“ It was in that moment – somewhere in the depths of my being – something abruptly flared to life. […] I was overwhelmed by the urge to devour her.”

No normal person just out of the blue feels the urge to consume a baby, only crazy people do. The rest of the light novel story continues depicting Rido as a psychopath. Their parents notice there is something wrong with their son because the mom slaps Rido and starts to keep him away from Juri. Adding on to this portrayal of him as batshit crazy, after he (somehow) kills his parents, he says the following:

“That’s what you get for getting in my way, you naughty things…” 

LOL, who in their right mind would call their parents “naughty things”?

My issue is this: I highly doubt Rido was crazy from the start, because it would make no sense. If Rido was crazy, how the hell could Juri and Haruka not have noticed for over 3000 years?! Even the dumbest person would get a clue that their brother was crazy after just 30 years, much less 3000 years. They trusted him enough to let him hold their baby, so they clearly believed Rido was not crazy. There is no way that Juri and Haruka were that stupid and blind. Thus, I doubt that Rido was crazy at the start of his life. So, this aspect of the light novel is just total BS to me.

IF Rido really was crazy from the start, then his mom and dad were bad parents. Yes, it makes sense to keep Juri away from Rido if he really were a psychopath, but their other actions were just extremely irresponsible and selfish. If you know your son is dangerous, maybe you should address this issue properly. After all, he is a pureblood and if you don’t deal with the problem, there will be huge repercussions for everyone given the destructive powers of purebloods. 

But instead of taking their son to see a mental health professional like any decent parent would do, Papa and Mama Kuran decided to solve the problem by engaging him off to a “tiny child”. I’m no parenting expert, but I’m sure if your son has mental issues, you definitely should NOT marry him off to any girl. Even if they didn’t get him some help, they should have at least locked him up like Shizuka to ensure he didn’t harm anyone... but they just let him roam free.

If this is the extent of their problem-solving ability, then it’s for the best that they ended the monarchy because they must have been cruddy rulers. But who knows, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they believed the “tiny child” they chose for him has a PhD in psychology and can provide their son with the help he clearly needs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, I consider the light novel to be only pseudo-canon since it was inspired by Hino but written by someone else (Ayuna Fujisaka), so I will just ignore the parts that don’t make sense and keep the parts that do.

                                                              XXX

This following section is what I believe Rido to have been like when he was a (sane) young man, based on the info in the manga and the few bits that do make sense in the light novel.

Since Rido was the oldest son and born in a time when the Kurans were still the ruling family, he probably grew up with a lot of pressure and expectations as he was the crown prince. Given these conditions, he was most likely serious and hardworking, doing his best to live up to those expectations and preparing to be the next king (kinda like Eins in The Royal Tutor LOL).

He was also probably a bit older than Haruka and Juri (because according to the manga he has experience changing their diapers and taking care of them). And since he was probably busy with his princely duties, he did not spend a bunch of time with his siblings and thus Haruka and Juri were naturally closer to one another than Juri was to him. She probably saw him a respected older brother but not as reachable and easy to connect to as Haruka.

Rido was probably arrogant, possessive, and entitled even at the start (though at much milder levels than towards the end), which makes sense given his background. Not only was he a pureblood, but the crown prince too. And since he was prince, he probably had to deal with the dog-eat-dog world of politics from a young age, so that probably made him more cynical and darker than his siblings who had much less pressure and responsibility. It would almost be shocking if he was a humble and kind person instead.

Anyway, according to the custom of primogeniture, both the throne and Juri should have been his. Since it was tradition of the Kurans to marry their siblings, it only makes sense that as the oldest son and legitimate heir, he was the one that Juri should have married. Yet for whatever reason, their dad decided to end the monarchy, which must have been a huge blow to Rido who spent his whole life preparing to be the next king. He probably drove himself to despair questioning why and if there was something wrong with him that his father would pull such a move.

Then Rido probably got another big slap to the face: Juri choosing to marry Haruka instead of him, with his parents probably giving them their blessings. So not only has he lost the throne, he also lost the fiancée that should have been his according to precedent. And Juri choosing Haruka probably made Rido lose face among their society, since people would naturally wonder why Juri spurned tradition and married the second son instead.

(Actually, it wouldn’t matter if the monarchy getting dissolved took place first or if Juri choosing Haruka took place first, the point is both happened and it screwed him up.)

Rido most likely didn’t love Juri, but simply believed he did. He probably conflated Juri with what he lost/ what should have been his by birthright and became unhealthily obsessed with the idea of her. It didn’t help that the one Juri chose was Haruka, who we know has a mild and kind personality. To someone like Rido, those are traits probably considered “weak”, and thus he probably never thought of Haruka as his rival. Therefore, the fact that he lost to Haruka of all people shocked him, and there might have been some anger and sorrow at being betrayed by a sibling. So anyway, Rido’s emotions as well as his ego got clobbered.

But fate is not done with him yet! His parents most likely decided to engage him to Shizuka “without his consent” around the time that Haruka and Juri got engaged/married. They might have rushed to engage him off to whoever was available at that time (unluckily for Shizuka it happened to be her), hoping to get him out of the way of his siblings’ happiness. Rido probably was pissed, since not only does he not get to choose his new fiancée, the one chosen for him hails from a clan with a history of supposedly going insane, instead of someone with a less problematic pedigree. His parents really doing him dirty lol.

I think he really had some deep-rooted problems with his parents. Sometimes parents just don’t like their child, because of personality and ideological differences…Anyway, they were definitely in a strained relationship which would explain why Rido could go so far to kill his own parents and feel no guilt over it.

                                                                XXX

Finally, towards the end of his life he really just lost it.

Rido probably tried to keep up appearances and act like everything is okay and that his world is not falling apart, thus allowing Juri and Haruka to still trust him. But over the years he just stewed in his anger against his parents, his siblings and the world in general and turned into a very bitter and hateful person on the inside. And although he probably tried to suppress his growing darkness, his bad traits got amped up while his better traits died. It was probably extremely infuriating for him to see his siblings so happy in their pink glittery world while he himself was drowning in darkness.

(Even Kaien was annoyed by Haruka and Juri’s “pink world”, imagine an already salty and bitter Rido seeing this type of scene for centuries and just frothing with rage on the inside LOL)

So Rido became a sadistic ass towards the end, taking his anger out on people that have nothing to do with it. He tried to make Shizuka miserable and force her to be docile and had no luck with that but succeeded in breaking Senri’s mom and driving the poor woman crazy. Though if you think about it, in a way he did succeed in breaking Shizuka too… he caused her lover’s death and when she lost her lover, she basically lost her will to live.

Hino showed how talented Rido is at antagonizing others. While he possessed Senri, he intentionally hurt Senri’s body to toy with Takuma.

Even after his death, his dregs were tormenting Kaname by pointing out all his inner concerns, taunting Kaname about how he has no hope left. 

In VKM, Yuki mentions Rido as someone “with overwhelming desires that only plunge the world around [him] into misery.” Overall, Rido probably got his giggles by making others miserable.

Besides getting high off ruining the lives of other people, he was just a bastard in general. He used everyone around him as tools, even his own sons. Unlike Shizuka or Kaname, he did not care about his subordinates at all, to him they were just “appetizers” and expendables. He also had zero reservations about forcing lower vampires to submit to his will.

Anyway, Rido probably was already a bitter jackass but he really snapped when he found out Juri was pregnant and would start a happy little family with Haruka. Maybe he was idiotically holding onto hope that as long as Juri didn’t have a kid, he still had a chance? Regardless, it was at that point that he gave up any vestiges of humanity he had left and decided to just pursue power instead.

With no hope left he just decided to give in to his primitive instincts and lust after power, at the expense of family ties. In a way, he might have felt betrayed by his family, and reasoned with himself that unlike the throne and Juri, at least power won’t be stolen away.

BTW, I think his decision to sacrifice Yuki’s real brother to ancestor Kaname was spontaneous and not premeditated. After all, crazy people are unlikely to plan things in advance and just do as their whims dictate...

Maybe it came to him right when he stared at Juri holding her newborn. 

“It’s such irony that this baby was named ‘Kaname’ like you. That’s what got me started thinking of this.”

Because his plan (if he had one) sucked. He should have known that the famished, revived ancestor would attack him, since the blood of a tiny baby was clearly not enough. And yet he made no preparations to fend off such an attack and ended up getting drained by Kaname.

As a side note, Haruka could have killed Rido right then, when Rido was badly wounded by ancestor Kaname. 

But he didn’t, and chose to have Rido imprisoned by the Senate instead. Haruka should have known that Rido would never give up on destroying his family as long as he lived, so the logical thing would have been to kill him. Even Rido mentions this later when he returned for Yuki.

While Haruka’s pacifist nature played a part in this, I think he also restrained himself from giving in to vengeful rage partly out of the fact that they are family, and more likely out of guilt. Perhaps Haruka had always felt guilty for marrying Juri and realized that he was partly responsible for driving Rido insane.

Anyway, Rido crossed the line by killing a helpless baby and basically burned all his bridges. At this point he didn’t really give any fucks anymore. 

Asato mentions how Rido was like a child, even though he has lived so long. I think the analogy fits, because Rido acted like a child throwing a tantrum, trying to destroy everything and doing whatever he pleased with no regard for consequences or others.

In a sense, like Shizuka, Rido had already lost his will to go on living. The only thing keeping him hanging on was the need to lash out. Even though he acted like he was pursuing greater power, aiming to consume Kaname and Yuki to become more powerful, he wasn’t actually trying. 

If he was serious, he would not have gotten easily distracted, suddenly deciding to have Yuki replace Juri instead of continuing with the plan to devour her. Rido also didn’t bother trying to fight seriously at the end and Zero comments on this.

Otherwise Zero and Yuki together could not have beaten him, given how Rido is much older/powerful and consumed at least 2 other purebloods. Even Sara said that Rido was acting foolishly reckless, saying he was just having fun.

                                                             XXX

Overall, given this interpretation of Rido, I actually feel bad for him. I believe that he drove himself crazy wondering why his parents ended the monarchy instead of letting him be the next king, and wondering why Juri chose Haruka over him. Those questions probably haunted him for centuries.

That feeling that you tried your best, did everything you were supposed to, but still ended up with nothing is something I can relate to. Sometimes one just wants to watch the world burn given how unjust life usually is (even though logically we know it is wrong to feel this way). So yeah, these are my headcanons and analysis of Rido, who I prefer to see as a deeper/more interesting character than just a sis-con psychopath LOL.

[bethelina]

On G/t, Identity, and this post

For two days now I’ve thought about this post. 

First of all, @so-very-small​, I want to commend you for your response. I wouldn’t have been as calm and collected. I wanted to respond, but I didn’t want to lash out in anger. So, I waited and reflected. And I’m glad I did because I had an epiphany tonight.

It didn’t feel right responding in a reblog. So here it is in its own post. (Also sorry for the life story, but I felt like it was relevant.)

I have always felt small. Like always. I think I was something like 3 or 4 years old when I realized this, but as a child, I couldn’t put it into words. I would rewatch Thumbelina over and over again (hence the nickname Bethelina) and just imagine my life like that.

At the ripe old age of 7, I confided in a close friend (who was something like 8, if I remember correctly). I told them that I wished “I could be as small as Thumbelina.” I will never forget their response. They looked me dead in the eye, blinked, and said, “Why would you want to be that tiny? That’s weird.”

From that instant I understood. I could never speak of it again. There was something wrong with me, and I had to hide it from the world.

But that didn’t stop me from dreaming. Anytime anything dealing with size came up in media, I was simultaneously enthralled and embarrassed. I couldn’t let my family know I was interested in Big People and Little People™, but I desperately craved content. Books, movies, TV shows… I would find them and consume them in private.

As I got older, my thoughts became increasingly preoccupied with being tiny. The thoughts became more and more intrusive. Some days, it was all I could think about.

When I was in High School, I had recently discovered DeviantArt and decided to do a search for “shrinking”. That day changed my life. There were others who liked this stuff too, and they called it G/t. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t a freak. The deserted island I was living on suddenly became a metropolis.

Inevitably, I encountered the NSFW side, which I mostly saw referred to as macro/micro. I was disgusted and ashamed. Even more so than ever, I couldn’t let anyone know I was interested in G/t. They might assume I have a fetish. The very thought made me nauseous. I lived in constant fear of being outed.

[Side note: If you are interested in the NSFW side of G/t, you are valid! I personally cannot handle it.]

After a few years of lurking on DeviantArt, I made my own G/t account and properly joined the community. Secretly of course. None of my friends could know. Except, they ended up stumbling over it one-by-one when they recognized my art. (Whoops). After an anxiety-ridden 3-hour explanation (each time a new friend discovered it), I finally came clean. Much to my surprise, all of my close friends were understanding and supportive.

I continued to struggle with the concept of my physical body never being able to be tiny. It started to add into my depression and anxiety, which honestly didn’t need any more fuel. (But that’s another story for another day). One day, I ran across someone else describing just this. They used the term “size dysphoria” and everything clicked in my brain. I finally had a term I could cling to.

I worked really hard to become more comfortable with my tiny identity. I opened up to more and more people, slowly eroding my fear of being accused of fetishizing giants. Maybe my fear was unfounded. Maybe people are more understanding then what I gave them credit for.

And then I saw this post.

All that fear… all that self-hatred… all that doubt came rushing back. I wanted to say something snarky in return, but I knew that wouldn’t help the situation. I decided to ignore the whole thing, but then my epiphany came.

Why do I have such a visceral reaction to being accused of having a fetish? A few years ago, I realized I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum. [I’ve never publicly said this before, and I don’t have the guts to come out to my family, so posting this is kinda scary for me.] Very recently, I’ve learned that sometimes the very idea of having sex (with people I know) is physically repulsive to me. Like I feel like I might throw up.

Being tiny is more than an interest to me. It’s who I am. Because it’s so deeply ingrained with my identity, it horrifies me that someone would automatically connect my desire to be tiny that with sex. And tonight, that finally clicked.

It was really hard for me to type all of this, and I’m sorry if I rambled on at some points. But it has felt therapeutic to get all of this out.

 TL;DR I am tiny, and not everything is about sex

… thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[wcamino-confessions]

Okay wow I usually don’t say this kinda thing especially after I swore off ever touching amino but I feel like this needs to be said.

Have you guys tried to educate her? Yes. Did she refuse to listen? Yes. does she have every right to be criticized for her actions? Yes. We’re her actions bad and unruly? Yes. And does she deserve backlash for them? Yes.

You guys have every right to be mad at Tae for what she said and done, her callout post was immature, her statements were not researched and she refuses to be educated, she’s clearly confused and says blatantly wrong things. Her actions so far have been shown to be rude, sarcastic, or childish at best and again you have every right to be mad and vent about it.

To be clear I absolutely hate alm and blue lives matter, everyone and anyone who defends them are racist and people who refuse to be educated r especially racist and you have every right to call em out on it. But like... be a lil nicer to the minors???? You can still criticize they’re actions bc Tae’s actions are well bad and immature and you can still vent and rant about them on here if you want. That’s not harassment. I’ve been on here for awhile trust me it’s not harassment if you just vent about her actions or post screenshots about it. But I’ve seen people admit they’ve been borderline harassing her and like just, don’t do that? Again your welcome to be mad and your welcome to criticize or rant or vent about her. But don’t cross the line, she’s a minor and while that doesn’t excuse what she said or her actions , harassment has more of a negative impact on her then adults. You don’t have to sympathize with her because what she’s been saying is racist, you don’t have to like her, you don’t have to stop posting about her, you don’t have to stop being mad about it, but like, just be a tiny bit nicer to her? I get it I get it she’s being annoying and harmful and immature, but the situation would be a lot easier on to handle if you could calm down just a tiny bit. Besides you guys can pretty much ban her at this point, isn’t that the worse punishment you can give to her without harassing her? She deserves a ban and it won’t be crossing the line.

As for Tae, listen I know your a minor and you say stupid shit all the time. I used to be a transcum until I had a trans friend slap me over the head and tell me that’s a shitty take and to change it /hj. Which I did btw. I get it, but Tae you need to sit back and educate yourself. I know it’s hard to believe these people, probably because these thoughts are being aided by friends or family or just you don’t want to because of the amount of backlash your getting. So let me explain to you, as one minor to another, why ALM is bad and racist. ALM is a movement made to directly combat against Black Lives Matter, thus why its racist. And I know your about to think “oh but what if you separate the words from the movement” and to that I say, your still doing what the movement is trying to aim for, saying “all lives matter” even if your apart of the movement or not is still overshadowing and ignoring the fact that many POC lives are still in a state or position where many people don’t think they matter. Think of it like there’s a house on fire, saying “all lives matter” is the same as going up to the fire fighters and saying “oh all houses matter, why aren’t you taking care of the other houses” you might think your helping but in context your just making everything worse. No matter how you say that phrase now, whether it’s in connection to the movement or not, your still harming the cause of BLM. And yes, it is a big deal people are dying, I know you think “it’s a part of life” but people are losing they’re fathers, mothers, and children, all because some cop didn’t like someone’s skin color and decided that they should die for it. It’s never a okay thing to do, to take someone’s life over their skin color, something they were born with, something they can’t really control. That’s like ((as an example)) someone killing your mom because she has red hair or something. You just lost your mom because she had red hair. These deaths aren’t just “deaths” they’re impacting other people’s lives, these people who died were important to others. And they didn’t deserve having they’re lives taken away. And as for “they didn’t have it as bad in the 60’s” of course they didn’t, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have it bad here aswell, that’s like saying “oh atleast I didn’t blow up the building” after tearing down a wall, it doesn’t change the fact that you still tore down that wall. Sure it could have been worse but literally everything can be worse. It doesn’t change the face things are bad now, and need to be fixed. From the context on how you speak about the movements and how you use “they” when referring to POC im going to assume your white or atleast not POC ((correct me if I’m wrong)) which means you don’t fully understand why this is so important because you maybe ((again correct me if I’m wrong)) have never experienced what it’s like to be a POC, if that is the case then you need to step down from your high horse and realize that you can’t say something is “not as bad as _____” if you’ve never even experienced first hand. Comparing pain and suffering is only going to lead to more problems. Tae they’re is always room to change, your not a lost cause. But you need to educate yourself and realize what your saying is bad if you do want to change and be a better person. You can’t excuse your actions, you can’t undermine them, you have to own up to them in full volume and realize what you said was harmful.

I already expect backlash for this post, which is fair, again I’ve been on wac for awhile, I don’t think any of these posts here are harassing Tae ((although it would be epic if you guys can refrain from using the c word, just a personal request u don’t have to follow through )) these posts hold valid critique that I think Tae needs to listen to, even if some of them are a bit harsh. And I know the mods wouldn’t allow harassing messages to get onto this blog. But if your in like the comments or something saying “I’d rather harass her then not” like... calm down my guy, you have a right to be mad but you can also just ban her ass and get the same effect and message with it being deserved lmao.

[crispy-ghee]

Forgive my absolute novice question, but those environment studies are BEAUTIFUL! I've never done them but I want to try, since it's good practice. What's your process, do you have any advice?

Thank you! No reason to apologize either. I can give a glimpse into my process, but fair warning it’s quite messy (I did this one quickly after work as an example) and I might not have the besssst explanations for everything. 

Everything under the cut!

I do these off of photos I find on google images, since i’m not using them for profit or anything like that. I kind of decide what i wanna try and study (tropical scenes, forests, mountains, whatever) and then just look for an image that strikes me. 

Something to note when you’re going into this is to have some idea of what you want to try and focus on. If there’s a specific thing you want to work on or capture when you do this. For me, it was trying to get better at seeing and picking colors, plus maybe fiddling w/ how mountains and rocks work haha

Having a specific goal makes doing studies easier because you don’t feel like you have to focus on basically everything when you’re painting. When the end goal is just ‘get better,’ that’s a lot of stuff you have to try and get right or pay attention to! Doing things one at a time is good.

So anything like...Wanting to understand color, wanting to understand shadows, wanting to understand light, wanting to know how trees work, or even something like ‘i saw this photo and i like how the light hits this one particular spot and i wanna capture how that spot feels’--just give yourself something to focus on!

Anyhoo, I picked this one. wanted to try a desert scene. My focus, again, is trying to understand color a lil better (kinda gave myself a rule, which was ‘no colorpicking’)

I work on a really tiny canvas btw like... 3 inches by 2 inches, and with a kinda fat chalk brush with pressure opacity on. This makes sure i can’t get fiddly on it. 

Usually start with a really basic composition sketch that is definitely gonna be inaccurate, but that’s okay since that’s not what i’m doing this for lol

a lil more ‘detail’ pulling out the forms of biggest interest. sometimes this includes the a shape of a large shadow, like at the bottom! just the big important sections of the composition that you see. 

I start laying in the colors really messily, again going for BIG at first. Right now the focus is establishing those big spaces in the composition. Right now this also includes some of the stronger shadows, since those are important to the form of things. The colors I choose to lay down vary, but usually go for the sort of ‘mid tone’ that i can suss out, maybe a a bright hilight, and then a deep shadow. 

lol okay this is definitely a jump forward. But you can see i focused on the mountains. I ended up painting over that tree because it wasn’t in the right place anyway.

Anyway, TIPS on how I approached this: 

TRY NOT TO GIVE A SHIT OVER WHETHER SOMETHING IS SUPER ACCURATE. Just make sure that it reads!

Focused first on laying in the darkest shadows, bc those really inform a lot about the shape of the thing. 

A lot of squinting and stepping back, and also making the reference picture zoomed out small. This really makes the small detail disappear and helps keep you from getting caught up and confused by it. Sometimes you can eliminate certain details, or combine them with nearby details. 

I added some new colors here and there, but nothing too strong. I avoided introducing too many different colors though, and most of what i had was a result of mixing the colors I already. If you add a very different color, that creates an area of high contrast. Which can be great, if that’s the focus and you want to hilight the area, tho! 

Tried not to draw outlines. In fact, I made sure most of my strokes were downwards or sideways to make sure that I had to focus on things as blocks of color. 

How do you do manage the shape w/out outlines? One thing to remember! You perceive form through contrast! Basically, in an area, how does the shadow butt up against the light? Look for those edges/places where they meet, and then think about how different those areas look to each other. Are the colors really different from each other? Are they similar? Is the edge hard, or is it more gradual? Look for those places where things meet!

Keeping in mind that color is relative. When you’re trying to figure out what color something is, peer at the color itself and try to isolate it. For instance a color may seem grey to you, but maybe it’s blue, and it looks much more desaturated bc you have it up against a really warm, bright color. Maybe what you think is a green is actually a red or a brown. SOME TIPS: 

If you’re not focused on color as your study, feel free to colorpick off the photo! You’ll see the difference between what you perceived and what the true color was, and you’ll learn from that!

I’ve gotten good enough to be able to peer at colors and separate them in my brain from the rest of the picture. If you can’t do that, then you can mask it out physically in photoshop so that it’s literally isolated! You’ll get way better at picking up on color differences this way, and then can work towards doing it without having to physically mask things. 

Questions to ask yourself when trying to figure out a color: Does it feel warmer or cooler? What hue is it (does it look purple or purple or red to you)? How saturated does it look?

Shadows usually gradiate. Shadows are made bc they block out light. So they’re darker when it’s harder for light to get into a space. So the further away from an edge or a crease, the lighter the shadow becomes.

Be wary about your colors getting too muddy, bc that happens when you’re mixing colors. Step back now and again, and if they look like they’re getting too grey or brown, feel free to paint some saturated color back into it.

Anyway, I added the trees (spent less time on them bc they’re unimportant to me lol) and cleaned up a couple other things...

And the last step is just creating a clean border around the painting to make it look clean! 

And there’s my study. 

ALSO

Also

the most most most important step

is to close the fucking Reference you were working off of and not look at it after that, because you’re gonna like what you did way better as its own thing when you’re not comparing it to the real deal lol

Anyway...I think that’s all i have to say? Idk. If something’s not clear, feel free to ask, but that’s what I got. This painting was pretty rushed so it’s not the *best* representation of everything, but hopefully it got most of the point across. 

[gild-and-fire]

ggweek 2020: All About Rio

Tagged by the wonderful @inyoursheets and absurd @sothischickshe

Tagging (but no pressure!!) @fairhairedkings​ @missmaxime​ @briosgina​ @mrslackles​ 

Questions from here and I think I added a read more?

Why do I personally like or dislike Rio? (I added this one for fun)

A few different elements of Good Girls drew me in (humor, acting, UST, etc) and I have been hyperfixated hooked since! And not to get too real on the main--jk imma bare it all out here on the internet--I found Good Girls in a time when I didn’t really have much independence or agency in my life. So, obviously, beth being a boss bitch and rio being straight-up unhinged definitely satiated me.

Specifically, other than the fact that he is very very handsome and i would give him my life savings if he just said the word “muhney”, I love that he takes calculated risks (ie any risk he takes on beth), has fun being a prick (“what’s up, you miss me?”, “it’s too good, ma”, “need another bathroom break?”, “we’re consolidating”), has amazing outfits (no further comment), uses his charisma to cajole and charm people into compliance (rip Gil & Lucy), and yeah i just think he’s neat

What are your headcanons about Rio’s and Mick’s relationship? Did they meet through crime? Are they lifelong friends?

OH definitely best buds for LIFE who met during crime and then like just trusted each other’s judgement. I think Demon follows orders without a second thought (which Rio loves), Rio laughs manically whenever Demon says something sassy or rude (which Demon loves), and they neither one takes life too seriously, ya know? They’re both just having a good time and appreciate that the other is on the same wavelength.

Now that’s what is probable. What isn’t probable BUT I want dearly??

Mick barbeques every other month and Rio brings Marcus everytime

Rio and Mick have matching tattoos on their ankles from a very fun night in Canada

They play basketball together and the winner rubs the victory in the other’s face for the rest of the week. Rio always dunks on Mick, but Mick is surprisingly agile and good at stealing (bc he’s not wearing a tiny leather jacket duh)

Mick has tried to set Rio up with his many cousins by bringing them to the bar “coincidentally” at the same time Rio is there

They text each other pictures of their food and share restaurant/food truck suggestions

What are Rio’s hobbies outside of work and Marcus? What do you think he’d get up to on a day with absolutely no responsibilities?

ART! ART! ART! I will not accept any answers except for boxing/basketball and art. That man’s apartment was wayyy to gorgeous, and have you seen his hands?? I can only imagine the things he can do with a paintbrush

What do you think Rio’s goals for the future are?

Total mayhem and destruction (at the Boland residence)

What do you think Rio is bad at (cooking, dancing, singing, etc.)? How come?

There’s NO way he’s good at singing, but i would bet everything i have that he is a good dancer. I mean,, I could stare at the way he walks allllll day.

Why do you think Rio is drawn to Beth? + Why do you think Rio didn’t kill Beth?

Before I joined the fandom, I really questioned why either one was attracted to the other, and oftentimes, I was convinced that they simply were using each other for selfish reasons and for the sake of manipulating the other. Now, I still believe that they use each for selfish business reasons, but that genuine feelings and interests have also developed since around 1.06 and it has been challenging for both ever since business and personal have mixed.

I think the fact that they are two sides of the same coin makes their attraction so delicious for a viewer, but I think that they are both distrustful individuals and thus are destined to always second guess the other’s motivation even if they are being genuine. It kinda reminds me of Epifanio and Camila’s marriage in Queen of the South: they love each other, but the clash of their individual ambitions make it difficult to trust each other.

But, back to the question lol. I think Rio is drawn to Beth and hasn’t killed her because he understands her, sees himself in her, and enjoys how she challenges him. Specifically, they are both motivated by the desire to provide for their kid(s) and their love for crime. Beth hustles hard, leverages her unfortunate situations into advantageous ones, and only trusts herself--I think the same can be said for Rio and that he admires these parts of Beth.

What are your headcanons about Rio’s family? Siblings? Parents? Lifestyle growing up?

This is a tough one bc I absolutely love the different OCs created for Rio’s family and I think it’s so fun to see his older sisters clown him on the daily. However, I’m inclined to think he has one older sister because he drinks his respect women juice and has STRONG younger sibling vibes (re: constantly causing trouble but always acquitted). In my limited experience, I think older siblings have to be more responsible, and Rio plays it a little more fast and loose.

I would also venture a guess that if he had a “stable”/”traditional” childhood, he likely wouldn’t have fallen into crime? I have a hard time placing what his parents and upbringing was like, because I only have my frame of reference and like who thinks that’s sound judgement lol. But I suppose that Manny’s own backstory would be a good starting point: he grew up in a rough area, has traditional grandparents (who likely supervised Rio when his parents were working/not home), and is hustling to move up in the world. I also think that he is someone who has come to discover and define his own style over time, but wasn’t able to when he was younger.

Do you think Rio’s been arrested before Beth got him arrested in 1.10? When, and what for?

MY bby? My “too smart for his own good”, “two-steps-ahead” bby??? ABSOLUTEL Y  NOT  i think the shutdown episode is such a good example of why not, and i think we know that beth is a BIG, glaring exception in his normal business dealings, so getting arrested doesn’t happen often, if ever

If Rio weren’t a crime boss, what jobs do you think he’d be good at? Why?

OK so I went back and forth on this one. Let me explain my thoughts

I think he is well-suited for being a PM in tech because it requires “disruption” and Rio definitely loves to disrupt things lol, and he is a natural leader who can motivate a team to follow his lead.

I DO not think that working at a consulting firm or law firm or something businessy like that would be up his alley bc its way too stuffy and too many rules (ethics & compliance training, what the fuck?) But Rio is also good at being a snake

Maybe a math teacher? Before you laugh, hear me out. He’s good with kids, he’s good at math, and we know he likes to give lessons!! (does he do it well? Idk but obviously beth was ready to shoot boomer in S2 and then taught Max in s3, so there’s that lol)

But yeah, I think an entrepreneur in tech is perf bc is requires a certain degree of rule-breaking, a certain degree of charisma, and strong math/science skills.

[avvidstarion]

I realized i never really post about ursula’s plot so here’s a summary of her backstory up until the events of the campaign:

- if you don’t know, ursula arctos is a human bloodhunter (order of the lycan). her lycan form is a werebear (specifically a moon bear)

-ursula had a pretty good childhood, unlike literally every other oc of mine. she has two dads, maurice and haemire.  maurice is a quiet human goatherd who used to be a powerful mercenary called Maurice The Grizzly, but abandoned the life in favor of a quiet life with his husband. haemir is an elven wizard/artifcer who met maurice on a job and convinced him that supposed god-given glory wasn’t worth a short life of misery and hardship

-ursula herself is a pretty solid combination of both of her fathers- maurice taught her combat skills and leadership and haemir taught her all about magic and the joys of learning (although she is absolutely terrible at spellwork itself) 

-ursula was always a restless child and always felt too big for her tiny little village, so when she turned 18 she decided to become an adventurer herself. she enrolled in the local bloodhunter academy, the Silverbite Academy. although bloodhunters are generally seen as creepy freaks, she had always thought they were cool. she viewed studying at the academy as the perfect way to mesh her interests together- the academy trains its students in combat but also has its students take intensive courses in things like monster lore, religion, history, and magical studies (”know thy enemy”, etc). since she sucks so bad at casting, she figured the next best thing was to just read and learn about magic as much as she could. plus blood magic isnt quite actual magic, but it’s as close as she can get.

-students study at the academy for four years (students are usually 18 when they start, it’s basically college, but anyone can join at any time), and then do a year of work in the field under the mentorship of an experienced bloodhunter. the valedictorian of each graduating class gets to study under the headmaster of the academy. silverbite is specifically order of the lycan, so the night after graduation all graduates are given the gift of lycanthropy in an extremely secretive ceremony. students aren’t told anything about it besides the fact that there is a chance they could die during the process (it’s basically the joining from dragon age), and that afterword they will receive an earring in the shape of a silver fang as both a badge of honor and as a way to control their lycanthropy. the ceremony is affectionately referred to as “getting your fangs” by students, bc 1) you get your lycanthrope form and 2) the earrings

-on her first day at school, ursula met an elvan man named sasha ilihice. the two immediately hated each other and were rivals for their entire time at the academy, constantly trying to outdo each other in everything and competing for the valedictorian spot. eventually, the two of them realized that they had developed feelings for the other, and began dating in their senior year. shortly after, they graduated as co-valedictorians of their class.

-that night, after they graduated, sasha and ursula got super drunk and realized “hey we might die tomorrow so fuck it let’s get married” and then had the dnd equivalent of a vegas drivethru wedding. 

-ursula made it through the ceremony fine, but sasha did not. he didn’t die, but he came very close. the process wreaked havoc on his body, turned his hair white, and left him very weak. he couldn’t even transform all the way. he was still given a fang and was allowed to do his year of mentorship in the field, but he struggled for the first time in his life and was left feeling very resentful and angry. sasha was the son of nobles, and his whole life his parents raised him with insanely high expectations and made sure he always maintained a perfect image. he hated that he looked so pathetic, and hated that others were better than him and looked down upon him. he felt entitled to success, and when his life didn’t turn out the way he planned he kinda flipped out

-ursula and sasha completed their year of field work studying under the headmaster of the academy, octavius hu. octavius is beloved by all students of the academy and is seen as a semi parental figure, and the three stayed close friends even after the year was up. ursula even helped babysit octavius’s daughter, olivia, who immediately took a shining to her. ursula was like olivia’s Cool Big Sister, and she really looked up to her. 

-sasha and ursula moved into a little house on the grounds of the academy (there’s a whole little residential area on campus that graduates move in to bc 1) the academy also serves as the HQ for all the bloodhunters in the area, and so those who are active in the field have to stay close so they can get assignments and stuff and also 2) bloodhunters and lycans are generally disliked so honestly there’s nowhere else for them to go). as the years went on, sasha and ursula’s marriage became strained.they’re basically those people that marry their high school sweetheart right after graduation only to wake up years later and realize that they are completely different people than they were when they got married and that maybe they rushed into things, but they’ve been together for so long that they don’t get divorced bc they don’t know anything else

- also sasha became resentful and jealous of ursula and her success, and ursula coddled sasha and treated him as though he were something to save, which only made things worse.

-about five or six years after they graduated, strange things began to happen around the academy. people’s tempers became short, fights were breaking out, stuff like that. sasha, ursula, and octavius, strangely, seemed to be at the epicenter of it. sasha especially seemed to be especially on edge at all times. 

-tensions came to a head one day when ursula and sasha were out on a monster hunting job. while in her lycan form, ursula just completely lost control of herself and ended up going berserk sasha, too, seemed to be driven into a frenzy, and the two of them ended up killing some civilians. the only thing that snapped ursula out of it was the fact that, somehow, sasha was able to fully transform. she had never seen him do that before, and immediately figured out that obviously something was very, very wrong

-ursula poured herself into research, and came up with a theory about what was going on: someone in the academy had become corrupted by malar, the god of evil lycanthropes, and the corruption was spreading among the graduates. basically it’s magic rabies

-ursula presented her findings to octavius and sasha in the headmaster’s officce. sasha and her ended up in a fight, and as she turned to storm away he grabbed her from behind and slit her throat in a fit of fury. as ursula lay bleeding out, sasha revealed to her and octavius that it was he who had made the deal with malar in exchange for the power that was stolen from him

-ursula died, went to hell, and some time later ran into a party of adventurers. she agreed to help them with their quest in exchange for help busting out of hell

-they made it out, and ursula realized that she had been dead for seven years. she’s still caught halfway between life and death, and still has an open wound where her neck was slashed. she covers it with a choker, but can never forget that it’s there and can never forgive who gave it to her

[queenofthefallenangels]

My Knight Part 1/2

Jon Moxely X OC 

Requested by: @xladyxfatex​ 

Rated: M 

Warnings: smut and fluff 

Summary: Kenny takes his little sister, Ashlynn to one of his matches to try and cheer her up. Ashlynn goes with Riho and some of the other girls to a bar after the show. That’s where she meets one charming man. Too bad that man was exactly who her brother warned her against. 

I groaned as I got out of the car. It was amazing to go anywhere with my brother. My brother had taken me along to much different wrestling shows that he had performed with, all over the world.  This was different. It felt like he was inviting me as a pity trip. I knew mom and dad had tried to coax him into taking me out of town to cheer me up.  

“Come on, Ashlynn,” Kenny said smiling as he handed me my bag. We were at the hotel for the city he was wrestling in tomorrow night. “You love coming to my matches.” “I do. When there isn’t a hidden agenda behind it.” I sighed. “I know mom and dad made you do this because they are worried about me.” 

“Of course they are. I am too. You have been locked up in the house ever since.” He paused. “It’s not healthy.” “I am perfectly fine.” I rolled my eyes as I rolled my bag into the doors. I knew what he was talking about. The last few months of my life have been in pieces. My fiance left me for his boss, I lost my job which caused me to lose my house. To top it all off, my Yorkie passed away. It all came at once like a nasty hurricane, leaving nothing, but destruction in its path. I moved back in with my parents which is something at twenty-eight years old, I thought I would never do. I was miserable. I locked myself in my room for days. Just wishing that I wouldn't wake up.  I knew Kenny's niceness was only my parents trying to get me away from my Netflix binging. Which was probably a good thing. The office was even getting old after its thirtieth run through. 

"Ash, you aren't fine. We are all worried about you. We thought maybe if we left you alone that you would snap out of it. You haven’t.” 

I sighed, “Fine, but did you really have to make Riho take me out. That makes me look even worse.” Kenny raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t make her. She asked me if I thought it would be okay for you to go out with the rest of the girls on the rooster. I thought it would be a perfect thing for you to do. You need to get out with some girls and forget everything.” 

“To a bar... where I could get drunk...and met a boy? What kind of big brother are you?” She teased lightly. 

“No wrestlers,” Kenny warned. That was always Kenny one warning. He would tell me all these horror stories about them. How most of them were just looking to get laid to fill the need of being lonely on the road. A lot of them also had let the fame get to there and the fact that girls were practically begging to jump on their dicks. He never wanted me to become one of those girls that he sees. He said there was more to me. He said I could date any other kind of athlete, but he had just seen too many with wrestlers. I never dated much of either. I mainly date normal joes with normal nine to fives.  I still ended up getting hurt though. It didn’t seem to matter. “Especially Jon Moxely.” Kenny entered that pulled me away from his thoughts. 

“Why especially him?” I asked as I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms tightly across my chest. I had no idea who he was even referring to. I hadn’t seen any of his shows since he joined AEW. I had really no intention as bad as that sounded. 

“He is no good. Just stay away.” Kenny’s voice was stern. I sighed as I nodded in agreement to stay away. 

---------

We went to the bar as soon as most of the girls were freed from the arena. Some of the male wrestlers had followed them as well though Riho had told her. Her English still wasn’t the best, so Brit and Brandi could have said something completely different and it didn’t fully translate. That or the boys just brought themselves. I didn’t care. I had no interest in any of them. I was too busy with a drink in my hand. It had been a while since I had alcohol which helped mend the fact that it had been a while since I was not used to being in crowds. I had hidden in my room for so long. This was the most I had other than going to the store. 

The problem with it being so long is that I wasn't as tolerant to alcohol as I used to be. I could feel how lightweight I was by the first beer. I didn't care though. Kenny wanted me to go out and have fun and this was definitely making it more fun. 

I was soon dancing on the dance floor with a couple of girls. I was actually enjoying it. Giggling with them. I had forgotten everything that happened these last few months. Kenny was right I needed this. 

Someone had to ruin my fun though. A guy soon came by and pressed his junk hard against me. I groaned as I turned around to see who the boy was. "Fuck off," I told him. "You aren't getting shit." I slurred him. I tried to smack him, but I stumbled a bit since he moved from it. 

"Feisty," he chuckled. "I like them feisty. Now, come on, I will give you a fun ride." He sneered at me. He grabbed my arm to pull me close to him. I tried to fight him off. It was no use. The man was stronger than me. 

"Hey!" Someone yelled from the back of the crowd as he moved forward. The voice was rough and husky. I turned to see a tall muscular man coming towards us. He had a short reddish-brown that you could tell was thinning at the top. He had a well-groomed beard. When I met his pale blue eyes it was like lighting between us. He grabbed the guy who had touched me by the collar. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to treat a lady, Sammy?” He asked. “If she says no that doesn’t mean force your tiny ass penis on her more?” He said as he pulled him away from me. “Hey, mind your damn business,” Sammy said as he pushed the man back. The other man stumbled back. A fight broke out between the two men. I was shocked. It had to be the tipsiness in me, but I couldn’t help, but think this was kinda hot. The man had gotten the upper hand on him. Sammy ran off into the crowd trying to fix himself from the embarrassment he just had. 

The man turned to me. I smiled slightly. I could feel my cheeks starting to get hot. “Thank you for that. I didn’t think he would leave me alone.” 

He shrugged. “He had it coming for being a disrespectful little prick. He doesn’t know how to treat a woman right.” 

“Well, thank you anyway, my knight, in shining armor.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek softly. 

He grinned, “I don’t know about that now. I am not much of a knight.” “Well, I would love to buy you a drink on me,” I said. As I moved towards the bar I could feel myself start to stumble on my own feet. 

“I think you have had enough to drink for tonight.” He said. “How about I get you home?” 

I looked around for any of the girls I had come with. I had lost them in the fight. Kenny would most likely kill me for going home with a random guy, but I had no idea where anyone else had gone. To be honest, I wasn’t looking that hard. I nodded, taking the hand that he moved out for me to take. 

“You never told me your name,” I mentioned as we got to his car. 

He opened the door for me, “Jon.” He got into the car. “What is yours?” 

“Ashlynn.” 

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” He winked with a slight chuckle. “Where am I taking you?” 

I told him the hotel I was staying in. He smiled which confused me. “That is the same hotel I am staying in tonight.” 

“Mhm, maybe you were meant to come and save me, and be my brave knight.” 

“Are you always so corny?”  He laughed. I couldn’t help but love his laugh. 

“Maybe. I am pretty sure it’s just the alcohol. That and I haven’t exactly been around people a lot lately. I have been living in my own world after my world kind of came crumbling down. “I know that feeling.” He nodded. “This isn’t a pass at you or anything, but if you’d like I could take you up to your room and we could talk it out. Alcohol isn’t exactly a good way to deal with it.” I opened my mouth to say yes, but then I remembered that I was sharing a room with Kenny. He would be livid that I didn’t come back with Riho and that I got into the car with this strange man. He wouldn’t be so nice. “How about your room?” She asked. “Mine has my brother and I don’t think he will like some random guy from a bar in his room.” 

“Nah, and I don’t need to get into another fight because of you,” He winked teasing me. “Come on, I will help you sober up a bit.” He pulled into the parking lot outside the hotel. He got out of the car and ran over to open the door for me. I blushed a bit as he took my hand and walked with me into the hotel. It was nice to actually be getting some attention from a guy. Even before the break-up, my ex had been harsh and barely wanted to touch me. I could tell he was slipping away before it even happened. I had been naive enough to think that I could make it stop. 

Once we were in Jon’s room, he shut the door behind us. He handed me a glass of water. I started to drink it, noticing how thirsty I was once the liquid hit my lips. I could feel my mind clearing up as I drank the water. I started to feel more nervous being in a room with a guy I only knew by the first name. When alcohol was still clouding my mind, this seemed like an okay decision. Now, I wasn’t so sure. 

“I don’t think you should have sobered me up. I may run out of this room now before you get your way with me.” I teased to help calm my nerves and end the awkward silence between us. He shrugged out of his leather jacket, “Or maybe that was my plan all along.” He winked at me. My heart skipped when I saw him wink at me. He smiled at me with his dimples showing perfectly. How in the hell was a guy like this interested in her? He was built like someone you would find in a romance novel, not a guy you would actually meet in the bar. In her experience, most of those were missing teeth or had a few STDs on their lips. He had none of that. He was honestly the sexiest guy she had seen. She could see better now that she was out of the dim lights of the club. His white t-shirt hugged his biceps almost perfectly. He had never missed a leg day because even his jeans hugged him perfectly. No wonder he had never made a move yet. There was no way I could be his type. He needs a girl more like him. 

I wasn’t ugly or anything like that. I was just well, average. My brown hair which waved at the ends fell to my shoulders. I was slender with not much boobs or ass, but decent enough. I couldn’t twerk, but my ass looked somewhat good in jeans. I had a little to grab.  go My pale hazel eyes were the best-looking part about me. It was why I wore a lot of eye makeup to make them pop even more so guys would ignore the rest of me. 

Jon and I slowly began talking to fill the awkward silence in the air. It wasn’t anything that deep, but it was nice to just talk to someone and he was probably the easiest guy to talk to. He was so laid back in every single way and had some amazing stories. He had me laughing like crazy. He made me laugh so hard I snorted at one-pointed. I covered my mouth completely embarrassed. He laughed at me, only causing me to blush harder.  

“I am sorry, that was just cute.” He said as he reached for my hand. “You don’t need to feel embarrassed at all for me. I won’t judge you.” His words were so sincere that I felt like I could trust him. He leaned into her. “I also know I said I wouldn’t take advantage of you, so you can leave after I say this, but you are honestly the most beautiful girl. I am glad that I came to the bar tonight.” He leaned in more, closing most of the space between us. I couldn’t believe what was happening. His soft lips were soon against mine. He wrapped a hand on my waist, pulling me close. 

Now, the smart side of my brain was telling me that I needed to smack him in the face. I needed to tell him off and walk out of the room. Just because he saved you from one creep doesn’t mean he isn’t one himself. The other side of my brain was taking over though. I wanted to kiss him so badly. The smell of his cologne filling my nose.  I kissed back wrapping my arms around his neck. In that second, it became more heated between us. He licked my bottom lip as he begged for access which I happily gave to him. I allowed him to explore every inch of my mouth before I wrapped my tongue with his. He pulled me onto his lap making me straddle him. I could feel his already hard dick pressed hard against me. It's been so long that I had no willpower to fight it. I needed him. I needed this physical contact that I was unaware I even craved anymore. 

I rolled my hips across him. I could feel myself starting to soak through my underwear. I bit my lip trying to hold in a moan. He must have taken notice because he pushed himself up against my core. I gasped as I felt him brush against my clit. His eyes dark as he flipped me onto the bed laying me on my back. He kissed down my neck, dragging his teeth on it. He was sending chills down my spine as he went. Once he reached my shirt, he pulled it up. His warm hands cupping my breasts as they pushed passed my bra. His hands were rough against my soft skin. I didn't mind. It felt amazing. His lips met my stomach as he began to kiss it. He undid my pants with one hand yanking them down to my knees. He pushed my panties to the side and licked ever so lightly against my lips before he kissed down my thighs. He moved his face back to my core. I could feel his hot breath sending goosebumps up my body. I didn't know what he was waiting for, but the anticipation was killing me. I bucked my hips. "Please Jon, I want this," I begged softly. That seemed to be what he was waiting for. He pushed his head back in my heat and licked my lower lips. He spread me open with his fingers still licking long stride before he focused his attention on my clit. He licked circles around it making me buck my hips towards him. God, I wanted more. He wrapped his arm around my hips holding me down as he sucked my clit. He pulled it into his mouth and sucked before making a slight popping noise to release it. I tried my hardest to move it back towards him. I could tell he was loving teasing me. He licked around my hole before he dove into it. He licked in circles before he thrust in and outside. I threw my head back as I arched towards him. My hands fell to his head as I tried to make sure he couldn’t get away with pulling back and teasing me more. I could feel him smirking against me before he went back to work. It wasn’t long before my high was coming close. I was moaning his name like prayer as my pussy clenched around his tongue. He picked up the pace of his tongue and carried it on through as I came all over his face. 

As he pulled away, I saw him licking his lips. “You taste like heaven.” He smiled as he kissed me again. My hands went down to his jeans. I could feel that his dick begging for freedom. I undid his pants and pulled them down. My hands went to his chest as I pushed him onto the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head as he laid back. I couldn’t help, but pause to stare at his body. It was almost perfect. I ran my hand down his abs. He didn’t have to flex them for me to feel his abs perfectly. His V was outlined perfectly as I ran a finger down them.  I slowly kissed his chest before I moved to his V. It was a good thing that I was so lost in lust or I might be nervous about this. All I could think about was giving him the same pleasure that he had given me. 

I wrapped my lips around him as I slowly started to bob, swirling around my tongue around his base. I began to take more of him into my mouth. I, soon, pushed him all the way down my throat. He groaned as he wrapped his fingers through my hair. He thrust towards my mouth. I gagged. My first reaction was to pull off, but he held my head there for a bit longer. He pushed a couple more times down my throat before he released my head. He pulled me back up towards him. His blue eyes met mine. “Are you sure about this?” He asked me. I didn’t even have to think. I didn’t even respond with words. I just smirked as I slid on top of his dick. His hands landed onto my hips as I began to move them against him. We still hadn’t broken eye contact. I moved my hips faster as I began to bounce on him. He dug his nails into my hips as he thrust back up into me. I threw my head back as my eyes rolled back into my head. 

He flipped us over so that I was on my back. He hooked my legs putting them over my shoulders. He pushed back inside me. He started out slowly at first then he started on a brutal pace, going fast and deep.  I gripped the bed sheets as he moved in and out of me. I moaned loudly as I pushed my hips against him. It wasn’t long till I could feel my pussy clenching around him tightly as my high was getting close. He reached his hand over as he began to rub my clit. “Cum baby.” He said his voice was rougher than before. It forced me over the edge as I came all over his dick. He wasn’t far behind me as he pulled out suddenly cumming all over my stomach. 

He got up from the bed grabbing a towel as he carefully whipped my stomach off before cleaning himself off. I missed his warm cum on me, but it was soon replaced by his warm arms. I didn’t mind it. He held me close as he ran his fingers through my hair. It didn’t take me long before I was sound asleep. It was the easiest I had fallen asleep in days. 

--- 

I could hear a soft ring as I began to slowly open my eyes. My head was pounding in my head. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed I was in a hotel room, but it wasn't mine. The room was very similar, but the artwork gave it away til my eyes could see clearer. I could see my clothes on the floor mixed in with someone else. I looked over to the side of the bed to see a man sleeping next to me. In my drunken state last night, I had never put two and two together. Jon was actually Jon Moxley. The one Kenny told me to stay away from. 

As I looked at him with the sunlight coming through the window,  I felt bad for doing this, but if Kenny found out I was dead. I quickly grabbed my clothes throwing them on. I kissed his head before I headed out the door.

[softestsaddestbitch]

December TC Challenge

stole this from @elder-edda (sorry for creeping! just, given the usual demographic of the tc community I was excited to find another 20-smthg)

1) what color is your tc’s hair?

He has just, simple brown hair but he’s starting to go grey which, no lie, is 100% doing it for me.

2) is your tc married?

Yes? He doesn’t wear a ring and I believe she kept her last name which makes me think it’s more of a civil partnership since they’ve been together since the early 2000s at least. But he also will refer to her as “my wife” and was telling me once that they waited until “after they got married” before moving in together.

3) if yes, do you care? would you do something with them regardless of their marriage?

I know these questions are general but I do take offense at the idea of being a homewrecker/other woman. I’ve met his wife, she’s really nice.

4) what’s your worst memory with your tc?

I put my foot in my mouth SO OFTEN. Good lord. Especially my last semester at that school? He was acting weird and I had just realized after fucking ... four years?? that I romantically liked him. So I kept bringing up my weird age fixation and other bs bc I have adhd and am possibly autistic?? and can’t read a room to save my life.

5) what’s your best memory with your tc?

One year we had a really bad snowstorm, so bad in fact that I had my first-ever snow day. The college that I used to go to has four campuses across as many cities, and C has to drive in twice a week to my (old) town from his. Now, morning classes had been canceled but afternoon classes had been given the go-ahead. C, who does not check his emails until he arrives at campus, evidently did not get this message until he was already in town and therefore didn’t have a morning class, but did have an afternoon class. On this day I had a late morning class that had been reinstated, but my prof didn’t get that memo so I also was on campus but didn’t have a class. So I went to visit his office, which I had been doing throughout the semester (I didn’t have a class with him at the time) and we just ... hung out for like 2 hours. It was so nice and one of the anecdotes he told me still haunts me lol.

sidenote: at the time, I hadn’t yet realized that I liked him, but I still went out of my way to visit him. Damn I was a dumbass.

6) does anyone in your school know how you feel?

ish? I told a classmate but in a “haha joking” kinda way. And a friend who went to that school knows. No one at my current school knows.

7) does your tc know how you feel?

I think he might? might have a lil inkling which would explain why he started acting so weird my last semester. Or at the very least was told/realized how bad it could look that he was getting so chummy w/ a student.

8) do you think there’s any chance your tc reciprocates your feelings?

He and his wife have been together for around 20 years now. No. No, I don’t think so. Maybe in an alternate universe.

9) are you getting your tc a christmas present? if so, what is it?

I have in the past! Specifically like, a tin of cookies lol. I’ve also given him an actual present when I left. I do intend to send him a Christmas card every year but not this year because ... you know ... the apocalypse.

10) have you ever flirted with your tc?

Flirtation inherently has intent. So, no. How he interpreted our interactions I don’t know.

11) how long have you had a crush on them? what began it all?

SO! TIMELINE!

I was at my old school from September 2014-April 2019, I had C for the first time in September 2015. Like I mentioned above, I did not realize I had a crush on him until literally the middle of my final exam of my class with him December 2018, so I’ve only consciously had a crush for about two years now. However, as I also mentioned, I went out of my way to stop by his office, even when I didn’t have a class with him. And my relationship with/feelings towards him are complicated so I’m not going to say I did so solely because I like him, but I would put it maybe closer to somewhere in 2017. You don’t plan your schedule around someone you don’t feel strong feelings for.

12) do you believe you’ll get over them shortly after you stop taking their class/have the chance to spend time with them?

As of today, it has been been exactly a year and a half since I last him in person. In the time since, I have cried over missing him, routinely gone back to keep up with his current research projects, and made his picture a part of my home screen. I almost exclusively listen to the playlist I made for him -  so much so my Spotify Wrapped is pretty much that playlist with a few extras.

13) what kind of grades do you get in their class?

Haaaaaa pre-supension I was failing his classes. My first semester back I got .... a mid/high 70? and I finished my last class with him with an A+ and the essay I had written for his class had the highest grade between the two classes so..

14) does your tc ever do any tiny, little things that you adore?

When he puts a hand in his pocket and leans against the wall. When he tucks his hair behind his ear because he keeps falling in his face (he has long hair, a little past his shoulders). When he can’t stop himself from googling something even if its in the middle of class. How you can ask him anything at any time. The way he would chuckle at my jokes. How his handwriting hasn’t improved in decades. How easily he brushes off toxic masculinity. His candidness and willingness to share little anecdotes. The way he used to always smile whenever he saw me. That he goes home everyday to have lunch with his wife.

15) are you their favorite student?

I was! And it was obvious to other students that we had a friendly, casual relationship too. For a time, if his other students had questions about him they would ask me, and I usually had the answer. I didn’t matter in the long run, but I was. 

16) do you two share any tastes? movies, books, music, etc.

He’s a legal historian, I’m a baby legal/political historian. We also like the same historical cooking youtube channel.

17) is your teacher religious?

I doubt he would say he’s religious, but I feel like we have a similar relationship to religion which is to say no formal association, but had profound effects on our childhoods and subsequently, presumably, how we view things as adults.

18) do you masturbate to them?

Yes.

19) do you communicate with them outside of school?

I sent him a meme once. And asked about the socialist uprising scandal he was apart of. I also almost emailed him while at a museum exhibition with my history friend. These are all through email.

20) do you have any tc songs or songs you relate to your tc? what are they?

SO my number one song this year was “You are the Reason” by Calum Scott because, you guessed it, of him. But also:

I Lost a Friend - Finneas When You’re Ready - Shawn Mendes You Are in Love - Taylor Swift Break My Heart Right - James

& given the season, especially w/ what transpired last year, Last Christmas by Wham!

21) what’s your favorite thing your tc has said/memory you have with them?

One time he kinda trailed off in the middle of lecture after stating that he thought of xyz a particular way which contrasted one of the popular schools of thought, and the way he plainly said, “well, yeah, which I guess ... is I’m arguing it” almost like he was semi-surprised with himself has always stuck with me. 

But also, in addition the memory I shared earlier, we spent an hour and a half talking about grad school and what to expect and how to get there. 

22) do you plan to continue a relationship with them after you leave school?

I trid, I really did. But he doesn’t “socialize with students part or present” so I can’t exactly see him. But I did get some academic-related from him at the beginning of the year.

23) how will you deal during the summer? will you see him/her?

He’s a hermit who used my last vacation before I moved to go on all the vacations he had to postpone because he was working on his last book. And this past summer ... Covid. This question is obviously directed at high school students, but in general, he lives in the back of head always, and when I’m in my hometown for the summer my heart aches because theres a none-zero chance I’ll see him, but I know I won’t.

24) does your tc support gay rights?

Yes. He’s never been put in a position that I know of where he had to outright condemn homophobia, but in one of his classes, he actively made the choice to make the very first reading of the semester about how women in ancient times had more agency than assumed, and also how the woman in the case study was a lesbian.

25) what class do you have with them? And what period? Do you have them every day?

History classes. I won’t get into specifics because it’s kind of an eclectic mix and I’m paranoid someone from the area could come across this. But I had him twice a week every semester that I had him. Again this kind of question is more so applicable to high school students, not so much university students.

26) have you ever drifted out during a lecture thinking about them and missed information?

No. In his classes he is too enthralling, and I’m a good student otherwise.

27) have you stalked them online? what did you find out?

In theory. He’s a fifty-year-old history professor whose reaction to a description of the big lipped/tiny face filter on snapchat was “that sounds disgusting.” The man doesn’t have social media, and if he does those privacy settings are on so students can’t find him he thinks he’s very professional. I do visit his mini-bio section on the college website fairly often tho.

28) have you ever run into them outside of schools? what happened?

I did once. He introduced me to his wife, who said “oh you’re E! C has talked about you” and it apparently he had done so positively, and blew my mind because this was back when I was failing classes and also, as a person, I don’t believe that people think about me when I’m not there. They gave me a restaurant recommendation and afterwards his wife surprised me a they were leaving the restaurant because ... we had listened to them, and they also went there for lunch that day.

29) has your tc ever spoken of teacher-student relationships? what did they say?

It had recently come out that it had been found out that another professor had been in a relationship with a student and he’s the one that brought it up before class one day (with all of us not just me). He didn’t say anything for or against it, just that it was generally discouraged, but that most schools did have policies in place to handle the situation.

30) do you regret telling anyone about your tc? if you’ve kept it a secret, why have you done so?

Absolutely not. I can’t tell my best friends because they’d do nothing but give me shit for it and it would call every time I mention him into question. But the friends that I have told ... its been so freeing, and like a weight has been lifted from my heart. One friend in particular I unloaded on her all my emotional shit pertaining to him this past summer and she was so understanding it legit since then I’ve been less distraught when thinking about him. It still hurts, but it feels less like I’m suffocating now.