#kinda wanted to do a vent as last post of the year but I guess I'll have to leave that for another moment bc I don't have time rn

[rencoons-trashcan]

[raksh-writes]

Gosh, Ive been in such a writing slump for like almost a year now and Im just. So tired. I just wanna create!! I wanna write something again! But anytime I look at one of my WIPs I just can’t get myself into any of them and I mean its very possible that's also just a side effect of being so rusty and not writing for so long and the fact easy distraction like youtube is just a click away but then again it just feels like the creative juices won’t flow and its killing me ;_; I want to Write, I want to Create and I want to share it again, and maybe its just that I miss posting my work and interacting with fandom and having that fan-obsession so there's a question there to consider what exactly Im missing but... damn I really do just wanna write again and feel how good that feels to be creative ;_;

This just sucks man...

[risingsunresistance]

been getting back into mother 3 after All That and every time i see the sunflower field im like. whoa. that's so neat. i am Not overthinking it !

[mintykiwi]

who hurt all tomorrows for you :(

):

[chisatowo]

Ok nvm having Mizuki Thoughts

[mmcgemino]

How I almost went on stage with Gene Simmons (and also a heavy vent)

Today was the first day of Summer Breeze here in Brasil and Gene’s on the headline. I traveled 8 hours just to see him and Sebastian Bach play. I was so excited to see them and my mind was set on giving Gene a poster and a letter. I really wanted to give him a piece of my work and say how much KISS changed my life.

There was going to be a signing session at 3pm and when arrived there at 11am there was already a line. No problem for me, honestly, I could wait. But then somebody from the staff told us that the time changed for 7pm. I didn’t want the whole day of festival + Sebastian’s show, so I gave up on that.

Sebastian Bach’s show was amazing (I even got an autograph!). It was kinda short but I still had a lot of fun. Next would be Mr. Big (that I didn’t bother to watch) and then, finally, Gene’s band.

God, I was right in front of him. LITERALLY. This was my view the whole show:

I was SO close from the stage, already at the barrier (is that the right name in english?) It was actually funny, because the first thing he did when he finished the first song was to point at me and say with eyes wide opened: sua bunda é linda! That’s a silly thing he says every time he’s in Brasil. (There’s a video of him saying it on a tv show just for reference). I also had some silly interactions with him, like me motion grabbing his tits and him looking shocked. Honestly, if the show ended like that it would be just fine. I’ve never been this close to someone who’s so important to me, much less recognizing my presence and being silly with me. Hell, I didn’t even care about my letter anymore. It was a kick ass show.

But in the last song (that was obviously Rock n Roll All Night), he started calling a lot of girls on stage. There were some in front of me, between the tiny gap separating the stage from the fans. I guess they were sponsors, photographers or idk, more than VIP. But then he pointed at me and called me!!! What ??!????? It sounds just like a fanfic, unbelievable. And I swear on all my family that I ain’t lying. I crossed that barrier with the help of other people and ran backstage.

To have Gene pointing at YOU and calling YOU to be on stage with him is once in a lifetime. To be ON STAGE, my literal dream and goal in life. What I’ve been working for the past couple of years. To have the chance to give my letter to him and even sing by his side. With Gene fucking Simmons from KISS, my favorite band.

But when I got backstage, they told me that I couldn’t go. “There’s too many girls there.” I was the last one he picked and the only one who didn’t make it. I begged that guy, not from Gene’s production but from the event. I even cried. The securities around me were sorry but if I didn’t leave, their jobs would be on the line. I couldn’t even see the man leave the stage. I couldn’t even see the show end.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from now on. There’s nothing to say, no consolation prize, nothing. “But there will be other shows, other opportunities”, that’s the kind of bullshit that I had to hear. No, there won’t be another Gene Simmons in Brasil calling me to be on stage. My life could have been changed forever.

I was never lucky, never won any raffles or had accomplished great achievements in life. In my letter, the first thing I wrote (as cheesy as it is) “If you’re reading this, everything is possible”. I also wrote how KISS literally changed my life when I went on their last tour here in Brasil, how they took me out of a really bad place and made me run after my dreams. It seems silly, part of me feels like an idiot to be that sad. But I just can’t get over this, can’t have any consolation on that. To be always “almost there” but never actually “there”.

Also, this is the poster I wanted to give him:

The quality is crap and I definitely could do better if I had more time. But I gave my all making it.

Sorry for the long post and the crappy sob story. This just happened like 2 hours ago and everything is still fresh. I decided to write this post because I wanted to share my frustration with people who understand that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

(Fun fact his pants were tearing up but nobody told him)

[mariejordans]

i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

[alpaca-clouds]

About the international vampires (that are not really vampires)

You know what? Based on the rant I posted last week about the James Somerton video, let me vent about this one specific thing that I have seen around since basically forever. The thing even I believed, because the non-fiction books on vampire mythology I read as a teen claimed this as well. The claim that there are vampires all around the world, that basically every culture has a vampire myth. And that... it is just bullshit. And not only bullshit, but colonial bullshit.

Let me ask you one thing: What do you think of, when I say "vampire"?

I would guess your thoughts are:

Undead (and hence probably immortal)

Drinks blood or maybe consumes human life energy

Probably some sexually charged stuff

And, well... Those things are only really a thing with some of the vampires we find in Eastern European Mythology, which later spread into other parts of Europe (especially England). There is one of the wanna-be international vampires, that kinda fit the deal - though only through more modern interpretation. And that is the Aswang from the Phillipines. But even here, this is not part of the original myth but more came to be through mixing of the myths of the culture with Western mythology.

And that... is actually the big issue here.

See, vampire mythology as we know it is mostly a thing from Victorian England. While we will find some of the ideas in the Eastern European mythology that Victorian England based their ideas on, most things we associate with it come from England. And you know what England did over the years? Yeah, that is right, they colonized most of the fucking world.

And that is where the issue comes in.

See, as someone who is very much into comparative mythology I can tell you: Yes, there are certain ideas in different mythologies that repeat. Showing up in myths around the world. (One of my favorites is the "magic tree connected to knowledge".)

But a big issue with comparative mythology is, that some parts of it are also Western researchers (or people who wanna be such) looking for imagery that confirms their preconscieved notions. And as such they want to find those creatures and gods and patterns that are "just like this thing from our mythology". It is a big thing that happened with Campbell.

And that... kinda has just happened with vampires as well. If you look into the claimed to be vampires all around the world, you will find, that most of them are not vampires at all. At times they do not consume blood, are not undead and also do not have anything about themselves that could really be considered vampiric. Or they are undead, but if we were honest, if anything they are more like zombies than vampires (the hungry dead of Chinese mythology are a good example of this).

And, yeah... I am sorry, but that is just colonial bullshit. It is taking a Western thing and pressing international mythology through this one specific lense. That is not how any of this works.

It is disrespectful towards those other cultures and their mythology. Those creatures are not vampires, they are their own fucking thing.

Now, by all means. If you wanna put other European creatures through the vampire lense... Fine. But don't go around and claim that stuff from other cultures is actually "totally like this one European thing". It is... just horrible.

And yes, I am looking angrily at fucking World of Darkness here, too. Because boy howdy, do they like to do that with their rulebooks, too. (For heaven's sake, White Wolf, just hire people from other cultures. I am begging you!)

[bosskie]

Draw Abe and Molluck kissing.

'You know, Abe, I always somehow liked you. I didn't name you the employee of the year for nothing. I designed Mudokon Pops look like you for a reason. I would still have enjoyed killing you, I wasn't even supposed to like you, so killing you including my own feelings toward you would have been the right choice. You, blue bastard, ruined my life but also saved it... I have dreamed of crushing you but now, instead of that, I feel another kind of desire of a crush. Kiss me, you schmuck!' Molluck told Abe after they had done their parts of the deal of helping each other.

I'm actually glad that you suggested me to draw that since I have been joking about Molluck and Abe turning from enemies into lovers but never said a word about it. So, thank you for giving me a reason to draw it! (Y) Yeah, what an odd couple they would be but hey, it's Oddworld! The best 'from enemies to lovers' thing I could still imagine (I know nothing about this stuff though, only the concept).

Frankly, I'm kinda surprised at how little Abe x Molluck stuff I have seen, just one 'spicy' drawing... (I don't know about fan fiction, I don't read it.) So yeah, I personally like this ship. It's not easy to explain why but it just has depth, is odd but 'makes sense'... It's just would be quite interesting in general.

I basically had two ideas for this but I chose this one since I got this 'from enemies to lovers' idea, and well, now I 'came out' with it. I wasn't sure about where to draw them but they are somewhere at Nolybab where the sun doesn't shine, underground I mean. Molluck's name has been cleared and Abe could meet his mother, and it was all thanks to their collaboration. They were reluctant to work together at first but their relationship developed during that, and Molluck let his softer side come out more. This is idea is basically behind this Molluck x Abe thing. I know, it can sound so odd but it's not the first time if I'm odd for something I like; I have heard it for so many times already. Oh, and yeah, maybe you also noticed that Abe has no longer his stitches; it makes the kissing easier too. (Y)

And yeah, this came out more 'proper' than I planned but it's still 'quick-ish' since it's not fully rendered and looks kinda sketchy. This was also challenging to draw and I wasn't' sure of how to draw them kissing, like I didn't want it to be 'too intimate', so something simple enough. I hope that this looks okay at least. I just felt really bad about my drawing skills last night out of nowhere, so I just wish that my art doesn't look like Slog shit. I just kinda don't like how this came out but that 'better image' I have inside my head feels 'too intimate'... Just didn't feel like going 'too far' with this. Also yeah, I used a bit different style here since I'm still trying to figure out my way to do digital art, even I have done it for so many years... It's just that it feels like I'm never pleased with my art style; it makes difficult for me to feel like I had any artistic talent... I'm still always just trying my best.

Let's just say that posting stuff like this in public is difficult for me, even I still would like to post stuff like this... I don't even draw proper self-ship stuff and I rarely even draw it, even I think about myself with Molluck every single day. I guess it's mainly due to my self-hatred, like why I would spend so much time on drawing something only I'll see. I just have never drawn anything as proper as this about me and Molluck. Maybe I should but I cannot help myself but think that it's waste... I'm sorry but I just feel so awful about myself... Last night was just another night when I asked Molluck to eat me... I'm so sorry for this vent but I'm just so tired of this and cannot be silent, pretend that I was okay when I feel like crying...

I still hope that my stuff is enjoyable, even when I feel like I should just delete everything here... It's just because I can see my stuff looking so awful sometimes. I just don't feel like I draw Molluck well enough; he is still challenging to draw... I think that I should end writing for now; I just feel so bad about my stuff right now...

This doesn't really relate to the drawing, anon. This is just the usual stuff my condition makes me feel... But hopefully you like it and don't regret suggesting me to draw that kiss. I really liked drawing this still and that's probably why I painted this more than I planned; the idea of this drawing amuses me. (I tend to enjoy creating stuff in general but I rarely like what I created, the outcome I mean... Oh, and I don't really mind Molluck being with someone else than me. They are just different stories and I'm just glad that Molluck gets love!)

I just have difficulties with expressing love in public (even if it didn't relate to me, being about a ship like this), even I do have done it many times here, told you how much I love Molluck but, it still feels challenging... Like posting my 'Molluck love sculpt' was kinda scary actually but I still posted it, especially because I put so much effort on him. I don't even know what I was afraid of, I'm already used to people seeing me as a weirdo. Maybe I'm just afraid of love because this self-hatred just makes me even wish that no one loved me. But my heart still tells me that it's not true that I'm not someone to love.

Even I love Molluck with my whole heart, wish to hug and kiss him, enjoy his body every single day, it kinda scares me to be loved back... I know, it can sound odd but it's just that I don't see myself worth loving and just wish good for the others when I try to prevent them from loving me since I feel like I'm only waste of everything. My condition really makes me act and think like this. Even I realize how this is unhealthy and I imagine Molluck being confused about this behavior, it's still so difficult to feel like I'm someone to love... But the important thing is at least that I always imagine Molluck loving me, even it's difficult for me to receive that love. Even I do enjoy imagining that Molluck enjoys and loves me too, I still can feel like it's better for Molluck if he didn't... It makes me feel bad/sad but it just feels 'right' since I'm not someone to love...

These awful thoughts just don't wanna leave me alone... And if I sometimes do not vent to my posts, it doesn't always mean that I felt better. It can also mean that I feel like I should be just silent, I'm only ruining everything with my vent... It's just making me feel a bit less alone with this shit when I write this stuff here, and hopefully I can give some peer support. Also, if one day my stuff is gone or if this blog seems abandoned, you know why. I don't wish to bring more negative energy to here but I just cannot hide my condition; I'm just trying to save my life.

~ I really appreciate your tolerance and support!

[bots-and-cons]

I feel bad that I've been venting so frequently lately, but I don't really have anyone to talk to irl right now. Feel free not to read, but if you do, thanks

I'm feeling so damn overwhelmed. I have so many things I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't seem to get started on any of them. I really should start my swedish course, because it's the last summer course I have. I finished the other two courses last week, but I don't really feel any sense of accomplishment and it fucking sucks. There's apparently not really much to do with the swedish course, because one of my classmates got it done in under an hour, which is fucking weird, because it's a 5 credit course and one credit is supposed to be 27 hours of work. I hope it's actually that easy.

I've been having a lot of really weird and violent nightmares, which is also not fun. Also my intrusive thoughts seem to be sort of coming true in my dreams? In addition to the nightmares, my intrusive thoughts have gotten pretty bad and very violent. That has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and I just keep trying to ignore it. The intrusive thoughts just give me a lot of anxiety, and they scare me pretty bad, especially when I'm around other people. Lately it's also been pretty bad with the whole "kill yourself" thought when something goes wrong. Like I drop a spoon and my brain is immediately like, "omg you're such a failure, kill yourself". I don't understand why, because I'm not suicidal atm, not even close, I'm just stressed and overwhelmed. (I put the tw in the tags anyway though)

I hurt my foot like a month ago, probably a stress fracture or something of that sort, but it's now starting to feel better. I refused to go to the doctor about it, because a) I would have had to walk there and b) they would've most likely blamed it on my weight and hadn't actually done anything to help. I'm not saying my weight has nothing to do with it, of course it does. I'm fat, that's just a fact, but often doctors blame everything on my weight and don't look any deeper. It's fucking infuriating, because I know there's something wrong, but the only advice I get is "you should lose weight". I'm sure that would help some of the stuff that I've got, but some people treat it as some miracle cure.

I'm probably not going to do practical training at all this autumn, because I honestly don't feel like I can. I'm wondering if this whole school thing is really even worth it tbh. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to hold down a full-time job. I would love to be able to work some day, at least part-time, but Idk how realistic that even is.

I've been able to manage school for a year and a half now, and I'm starting to feel pretty burned out. I don't know if I'll make it to next spring without having to take sick leave. I'm honestly fucking scared. I don't want to go into a depressive episode or trigger a more severe psychotic episode again. I've been having some hallucinations lately, and I'm pretty paranoid about a lot of stuff. It's not fun. One thing I've been wondering is what my psychosis actually is? My best guess would be psychotic depression, but I should probably talk about my psych nurse and psychiatrist about it.

I have a hairdresser appointment tomorrow, and I'm kinda nervous, because it's a new place, and I'm gonna have my hair dyed so it's gonna take a while. I'm not very good at spending time at places I don't know or where I haven't been before. The last time I got my hair cut was about a year ago so it's time to do it again. I want my hair shorter again and I decided I wanted to dye it purple. Probably a pretty dark purple because I don't know if I want to have my hair bleached first. Anyway, I feel a bit better having written this out, and I hope I can get an actual fic post out later this week too.

[nerdinsandals]

Hi I just need to vent a lil bit because I'm kinda frustrated with my health at the moment shdkfj

I'm not like, sick or anything, or at least I don't think I am. I'm just feeling physically and mentally exhausted to the point that I can barely keep my eyes open sometimes, or maybe I manage to do one (1) task and that's enough to knock me out for the day and maybe even the next day sometimes if I do more than one thing that requires the smallest amount of effort. It's not like I was full of energy before because my battery is always at like 60%, but I don't think I've felt this weak in a long time, and this has been going on for months already. Some days are better than others, but I never feel like I'm at my normal.

At first I thought it was just the result of all the accumulated exhaustion I wasn't allowing myself to feel while preparing for my librarian exam (which took place in late January), but like I said it's been months already and I feel like the exhaustion should've been gone by now? But then I remembered that I was sick with a high fever a couple weeks before said exam, because a relative thought it was a great idea to come to visit with clear flu-like symptoms and no mask (and they didn't cover their mouth when coughing, either), so of course I caught whatever they had. I rarely catch viruses, but I still get vaccinated and take as many precautions as I can because, when I do, I usually have to deal with the nastier side-effects, unlike other people who recover just fine.

Since I was isolating anyway because I was in full hermit mode studying for my exam, I didn't think about taking a COVID test, but now I'm starting to think that maybe what that relative had was in fact COVID and what I'm experiencing is post-viral fatigue? It's the only thing that makes sense with the information I have, since iirc it can last for months… I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done to make it better so idk if I should bother my doctor again (healthcare is currently very overworked and understaffed here, and especially in the summer), but if I keep feeling this way after the summer I guess an appointment won't hurt. 😅

My librarian exam fortunately went well despite already feeling the exhaustion (which at that point I chalked up to the stress of preparing for the exam for like a year), and I don't know the final results just yet because they're taking an embarrassingly long time to publish them, but I have to wonder if I would've done better had I not fallen sick. I needed to do exceptionally well to secure the position and unfortunately, while like I said, I did well (like an 80 out of 100), I didn't do "secure the position by getting in the top 10 out of thousands" well. ;; There's always next time I guess. But right now I just want to be able to draw and do things I enjoy without getting tired!

So yeah, I thought I'd be able to get at least a couple pieces done for Conway Day this year, but with only a bit over a couple weeks left I haven't been able to even finish *one* because I don't want to push myself and make it worse. I hope I can at least finish one of them, since I should be able to make a couple posts out of it! And of course I know this should be the least of my worries, but I just really like celebrating Conway Day and it frustrates me that I can't have my usual stash of new art to provide haha

Anyway, thanks for reading and take care of yourselves! And tell your relatives to wear a mask if they want to visit you and they know they're sick (or maybe don't visit at all?) 😑

[leggyre]

hii venting time

idk it's been like what? 3? 4 years? Of me being ill with things I don't even know anymore. Just slowing down until I reached this point where I'm stagnant and I can barely invest in the things I want to do in my life. As of late I noticed I struggle to get up early, not because I'm lazy, not because I went to sleep late, but because I have no motivation to get up in the morning. Like what am I even gonna do when I'm up? I used to have a simple routine. Get up, eat smth, take my meds, grab a cup of coffee and sit down by my computer to draw. It went on for the whole day, interrupted by snack breaks, "got lost in YouTube trying to find good background noise" breaks, "friends are having a really fun conversation so obviously I chime in" breaks... That kinda stuff

Nowadays I just remain in bed until my body decides it's been enough so I have a massive headache and can't breathe and my heart is palpitating and my muscles feel weak and it just sucks. Then I go up to the computer and... do pet site stuff, I guess. I haven't been able to draw very often still, and when I have the inspiration and motivation for it there's definitely some physical feeling causing me discomfort like dizziness, neck pain, jaw pain, fucked up headaches, sudden anxiety, breathlessness, the list just keeps on growing

I feel like I've been throwing all these years in the trash because I can't do anything about it. I can't do the stuff I like as much as I'd like to. And at this point I'm questioning what am I even doing still here. It hurts so much to be unable to create my craft, the stuff I do with so much love. Every doodle nowadays, every little thing I've been posting had been an attempt at sparking that fire again. Sometimes it works, but it never lasts and on the next day I'm struggling again. It's demoralizing.

[masked-and-doomed]

NEW ME NEW INTRO!!

Hello, I'm Kat/Kats (or Yomotsu), welcome!! I am so normal about my boyfriends.

Please feel free to ask me about my OC, UG!! Hell, even cooler if you do it in a roleplay kinda way.

Other places you can find me:

@katsdoodles - art blog/archive.

Discord: thatonekats

👆 just in case. Tumblr explodes. Talk to me if you wanna ig (I am not good at conversing. So. Keep that in mind.)

Ao3: ThatOneKat2

👆 Might as well have it here. I've been more in a writing mood this year.

Twitter: @ThatOneKats

I have a twitter now I fucking guess. A bit of bonus content there (a little bit more of unhinged thoughts) but you're not missing much if you don't go there.

--

Suspected BPD, have been diagnosed autistic. I will feel things very intensely either forever or feel nothing about it in the next hour max. You may see vent posts. Every now and then. Check the tagging system to block em out.

I am deeply in love and sickly affectionate for my 4 darlings. They're my boyfriends, girlfriends, besties- our relationship? Is uhh whatever man. It's love. It's love. (Also not the best fathers but hey I take what I can get)

First two being Yomotsu Hirasaka (pfp), and Takao Hiyama. They are my most intense hyperfixation of 2 years.! They are from Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. An anime/manga which I don't really like.

The next beloved is Pocketcat! He is from Fear and Hunger. He's. A silly :) There's so much intrigue of him aaaghhh ough he is so sad.

Last one !! Faust. From Guilty Gear. He's a. He's somebody. Got him on Valentine's Day. He makes me a different kind of ill. Alas, this doctor cannot cure me.

They're 💙 just like me fr. I love them. URL is them btw. Masked men, doomed.

(comfortable with sharing and gushing together with everyone. I don't mind if you send or @ me in stuff that has Faust shipped with someone, (I like appreciating art of Faust in any form :] ) just know I'm uncomfy with all (canon x canon) Faust ships except Happy Chaos, meaning that I won't talk about them (eg., fau.slayer) together.)

I am. Also obsessed with my lambs as well. (The Conclave, consisting of Axus, Libraria, Baldias, and Chronus) They mean a lot to me. I wish to give them happiness they didn't have the time nor place for. You will see me reblog lambs and tag it as them. Feel free to send me lamb pictures, effectively beaming Conclave to me.

NOTE! I do sometimes post about needing my darlings to kill themselves, or wish great harm upon them. I will not always have positive things to say about them. I am a hater as much as I am a lover. (Not the "I want him dead" (lovingly) (though I do have sadism and would enjoy killing them for the fun of it), I have genuine hatred towards them all (Libraria the least) and I loathe their existence.

(if I had to guess, this is the bpd doing its thing)

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Yayaya tagging system time!

#ah rambling - general yapping tag

#[MN/funger] rambling - ramblings of MN or funger

#[MN/funger] bangers - memes/shitposts of that fandom

#oc time - posts about the little OCs I have (currently empty. DW about it)

#unnamed girlie - posts about my self insert. (UG for short)

#UG spoilers - in case you wanna go through the UG tag but not be spoiled about the endings and such.

#guy in my head - headcanon posts

#doodle tag - stuff not high effort enough to put into my art blog goes here

#reblog moment - reblogs! So you can filter them out

#lovesick - yandere / obsessive behaviour

#gatito - kitty tag.

#belalang beloveds - grasshopper tag. Belalang is grasshopper in Malay :)

#art save - images I wanna draw (typically memes I wanna draw with my guys)

#art reference material - reblogs of posts with helpful art stuff

#general reference material - reblogs of posts with whatever that isn't art. Not really 'general' perse but I don't have another word

#epic meowtual art - art by the meowtuals!

#ask game - reblogs of ask game posts

#ask game answer - answers to asks abt the ask game

#hello asker - ask tag

#tag game - reblog of posts that are meant to have you tag other ppl to continue the chain

#negative. And #/negative are used for vent posts. Make those sometimes.

#hxrny aroace on main - (mind the x) epic posts where I feel feelings for some characters (carnally)

#fanfic shit idfk - posts related to fanfics I'm reading (or something like that)

#girl what you on?? - posts where I'm in some sort of delirium, talking to my beloveds. And being ill about them.

#shit I send to fictional guy - posts I'd send to fictional characters. Will prob have their name tagged too.

#unnamed oc core - wow it's just like him fr. Many things will be tagged this btw. They are not okay. (Same person as UG jsyk)

#pocketkitty - for posts I don't want in the pocket.cat tag or reblogging posts that are like pocket.cat. (only applies to him everyone else gets tagged with their name in posts that are like them)

#robot nephew - similar to pocketkitty just that it's. Mr robo.t K.y

#silly doctor man - I fell into gui.lty g.ear and now I'm in love with this bozo. When I don't want it to be in the main tag. Yes like pocketkitty and robo bo.

#mister omelette - guy that asks which came first the chicken or the egg. Answers himself, it's omelette.

#mask quartet - fucking stupid masked bitches trying to save humanity gone wrong

Liveblog tags:

Guilty gear: #pride in my gears: sign, #pride in my gears: rev, #pride in my gears: overture, #pride in my gears: strive

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Tag me in stuff you think I like!! I don't mind! Or like tag games.

There's also a *cough cough* side blog. For degenerate thoughts of mine. If you want it just give a DM ig.

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Pictures i want here

(This applies mostly to Faust. Sorry not sorry Faust. I will give you the worst horrors.)

(This is me any time someone mentions Conclave. I wish I could say I was exaggerating. I'll just say that Conclave has spiked my libido and I've been the fastest to draw suggestive art of them and write smut of them than of any other character I've fallen in love with. I need them carnally. And I tell you, it is a need.)

[crazybutgood]

Thanks for tagging me lovely @getawayfox (x) ❤️

I guess mine is going to be more of a reflection of 2023, and will kinda set the tone for this year too.

I did a lot of things last year! Origami, writing, modding, betaing, you name it. However, it's hard for me to completely figure out what I feel about whatever I created, because burnout does that to you :’) And all the numbness, frustration and self-doubt that came with that made (and makes) it really hard to keep morale high throughout the whole thing, simultaneously for multiple things. To have the energy to boost and share something I was genuinely excited about coming up with at the start (never did make that wireless claim post).

There are many reasons why, both in fandom and (especially) irl, I was basically running on an empty tank for a long while. And there are many people because of whom I somehow managed to keep going till the end of 2023. I won't tag anyone specifically because I'm sure I'll accidentally miss someone out. So I'll just say this: to everyone who ever checked in, listened to me vent in your DMs, offered me advice, cheered me on, cheered me up, helped with my creations and planning and fests, made/sent me something, dropped a sweet ask or text, left a kudos/comment… thank you so much for your kindness 💖

Now, as much as I wish it would, burnout doesn't go away fast 😅 And so I've been trying to take it easy (as much as is possible for me) and learn to rest, trying to be less nervous about the very idea of creating something new. I'm sticking to simple stress-free folding for now! I also must admit I've been on and off about the fandom lately, so I don't know how much I'll create for it anyway. I'll still be around and doing things of course! Just the frequency and type of engagement will very much depend on my fluctuating energy. I hope to get better as 2024 goes on.

I hope you all have a wonderful year ahead! Take care 🫶

If anyone yet to do this wants to share about their 2023, feel free to do so and tag me!

[yooniesim]

I REALLY don't want to come off as mean because I understand what it's like to struggle financially and the stress that puts you under, but I really really think it'd be for the best if you stopped using curseforge, Ceci.

Please do early access if you must! We get that it's not a matter of greed but rather a matter of survival, but please please use the means less damaging to others while keeping yourself healthy. Sims politics is nothing compared to a genocide. I hope you think about it, and I hope you can meditate on this choice. My thoughts are with you and your family 💜

Thank you for this kind comment, nonny! 💜

Honestly, I have considered it. Having a paywall is the last thing I want to do, but after living under this much financial strain for around a year now... well, it's weighing on me. As is using curseforge in the first place. I'll be honest- this month, I'll get $50 from cf. For the whole month. Sometimes it's more if I have points leftover from the previous month (so like $100 in one month), but usually that's the average. Having to use it for such (relatively) little money and dealing with the guilt of using it and the hate that results is pretty damn tough, I'll tell you that much. Like, curseforge fucking sucks and even beyond the boycott I resent the hell out of it at this point. I literally hate it and want to delete it so bad but it's the reason I was even able to even buy my meds this month. I've been working on making my patreon have better benefits without having an actual paywall, and some amazing people have kindly donated, but the amount per month varies so much it's tough to rely on. I'm really getting to be at a loss of what to do at this point. I've been exploring every other possible avenue of extra money I can that fits with my current job schedule, I do other freelance work online on top of that and cc making, and sell any stuff I have left from my collecting days. But I'm still in the red every month and it fucking sucks man. And then to come on here and have people say you love/support genocide, while researching and finding out even more about how Overwolf fucking sucks and trying to figure out how to help the boycott, then people just straight up lie about what you said so others will gossip about you publicly like middle schoolers- it's seriously awful all around. Sorry to vent at you nonny, but it's honestly depressing.

I'm on the verge of just saying fuck it, but the truth is, I'm scared to. The bottom line is that I can't function without my meds, and no one here on tumblr is gonna be with me irl to help me or pick my ass up, you know what I mean? When I log off here, simblr doesn't matter, I'm the one that deals with my own life and any negatives of that. And no matter what I do online or irl activism wise, I have this shit haunting me in the back of my mind. It feels like selling your damn soul for 50 fucking dollars, man. And how pathetic is that, you know? I guess it probably sounds like a simple choice to everyone else, but it isn't. I'm still deciding what to do and hoping, praying, that a few opportunities I'm trying to get irl yield some results. Cos like, even with CF, I'm kinda screwed either way at this point lol. I don't know. What does it even matter, right? I'll consider the early access option, but it's more probable I just quit CF and not do any paywall/CC making in general before that happens. I think if I did early access all my want to be a cc creator would suck out of my body even more than it is now. And boy has it fucking waned ever since I started posting on CF. I don't know. It's literally midnight and I think I need to sleep on it- I was supposed to already be asleep, but I saw your ask and had to answer it, oops. Sorry to ramble, nonny. Thanks again for the ask and being understanding 💜

[dishsoapthe2nd]

i am remembering the Instrument…

maybe a vent post idk it’s just me talking about not wanting to do things

ok sooo like last year i did concert band. and played clarinet. and I completely forgot about it. i have not practiced a single bit for the whole summer. what if i like suck now and forgot how to play. i have like a week left of summer how much could I possibly do in that time. im Stressing and I have a headache which is NOT helping !

also like. it’s a new band teacher . which is scary. i know he’s not mean because ive MET him several times but I’m always like “ok but what if he’s Different when actually teaching” yay. hoora

also ! my previous band teacher was always like “hmm maybe you should switch over to bass clarinet because I feel like it would fit you better” and I’m like “Ok!” <- guy who did not know what a bass clarinet was before he mentioned it and is barely committed enough to band to care that much. these Thangs cost THIUSAND. dollar. i don’t think thousands . just thousand. at l east . that’s a lot of money!!!! my parents will have to pay for that!!! and im just gonna end up disappointing them sooo no thanks i dont think it’ll fit me well. and the only reason he asked me abo it it is because . I CANT DO HIGH NOTES!!! which like ill get over it!! ill learn how to do it!!! I am NOT buying a thousand dollar second clarinet just so that i don’t have to fucking. high notes

okay i guess there’s more to it. there’s not a single bass clarinet player in our concert band. which I guess we need. so they give that task to the least committed guy in the band. hoo ray now I have the pressure of the entire band on me

Okay well I guess rant over. I won’t worry about it for a while. i think I was hoping that it would help get rid of my headache because sometimes when I have a headache and I really focus hard on typing something or something it kinda like makes my haedaxhe go away or something because i forget about it AAAGHHHH my cat just walked in and the door made a freaking soumd and it scared me. CREAKING not freaking