#laudna was just saying ‘maybe this should be the end of me’

[batwingsandblackcats]

Absolutely fascinated by Laudna’s “she has a debt to pay. She owes me her life like she took mine.”

This isn’t just a “I’m worth nothing so might as well smoke em if I got em” mindset with Delilah. It’s some of that, but it’s not the whole picture.

This is “might as well smoke em if I got em, and if this is the end of me god damn it I am taking this bitch with me.”

[rucksackmentality]

List of the truths shared in Nana Morri's Honesty trial (C3E79):

Imogen: I am genuinely scared to meet my mom again.

Laudna: Deep down inside, both Delilah and I want the shard...Fearne should have it, but I don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings, or hers.

Imogen: I love Laudna deeply but I'm disgusted at the thought of Delilah looking at us all the time.

Orym: I'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. It doesn’t matter if I'm bunking with one of you guys.

FCG: Sometimes I pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don’t do enough with them...Chetney, you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything other than wood! There's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood!

Orym: I've always kind of laughed it off but I guess I do kind of wonder if Chetney is my dad.

Ashton: I am the reason that the Jiana Hexum robbery went fucking wrong, and the reason why I got thrown out of a fucking window.

Fearne: I feel like we’re very ill-equipped for this job and we're going to fail at saving the world. (Laudna: Honestly that's probably true, I'm right there with you.)

Chetney: While wood may be the superior material to metal, I do fear that, with the dwindling interest in it, that children will find my toys - and thereby myself - obsolete every year I grow older.

FCG: I think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time I hurt or kill something - it feels really good. It makes me sort of relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away.

Imogen: I know we're supposed to save the gods, but I've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them would ever respond. I think I'm tainted. I dont know if I want to save gods that don't love me.

Laudna: You know we could rip-cord out of [saving the world] at any moment...right? And sometimes I fantasize about it all the time.

Fearne: I sometimes do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping - not weird stuff, I just like to look at you closely...and maybe like, twiddle your hair or braid it. Nothing bad!

Ashton: Whenever it starts to get quiet, I start worrying that one of us - most of us - are going to end up killing another one of us accidentally...I have panicked thinking about when one you kills another one of us.

Orym: I have all the faith in the world in you guys...and I have also spent time thinking of how to neutralize each of you.

FCG: I kinda worry that I put all my eggs in the Changebringer basket and she might betray us all. I had a really weird conversation with her and I think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me - but what if she does? And I'm saying horrible things?

Imogen: Fearne, I was really disappointed in you for running away from your power. You should take the shard!

Orym: I really miss Dorian, and sometimes I think that's okay, and sometimes I think it isn't.

Ashton: I feel fucking worse that I just fucked up Fearne's life way more than mine and I should've died instead of that happening.

Chetney: I grew up in the Bramblewood outside of Westruun, and when I was a kid, I came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. All they left behind were toys. They ran when Errevon the Rimelord was running across the plains, and so I'm kind of afraid of dragons. And I had five siblings - Alabaster, Pepper, Sugarplum, Hermey, and Chad - and I was so mad that they left I never looked for any of them, and now I'm pretty sure they're dead. So I think any family I have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me. That's why I don't get attached to anybody.

[nellasbookplanet]

Okay but I'm going a bit insane about the growing disconnect of "maybe we're meant to harness it"/"maybe we're meant to fight it". They both thought they were on the same page when they said it, when actually they were on polar opposite ends of the same spectrum. Imogen meant "I never plan to give in to this power even if part of me wants to, I will continue fighting it, but it’s a comfort knowing there’s someone who understands the temptation and who I know won't judge and will still love me and understand if I ultimately fail and give in". Meanwhile to Laudna it meant "I've been in this struggle for longer than I can remember and I don’t know if I can do it much longer. I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know if I even should, or if giving in would be better for all of us because I'm a lost cause. You understand this about me and won't judge as I inevitably am doomed by the narrative, and you won't demand of me that I fight an inherent part of myself, even if it’s destroying me". And Imogen is finally catching on to this disconnect, is realizing that to Laudna their connection isn’t just understanding but an excuse, not too different from Lilliana. And, desperate of losing Laudna to power just like she did her mother, she says, 'if you let me go, I'm gone', meanwhile Laudna is going 'all I can do for you is die and let you go to lift you up' and both of them are going 'why are you so upset about this. i love you'.

[sbrn10]

I'm sorry, will I be thinking of ANYTHING else for the next three (3) business days? No.

"Even if it means the end of me... which maybe it should. Maybe it should. I'm trying to look at Delilah as a tool, to use and... discard" MARISHA RAY, WHAT THE FUCK????? THE WAY THE DELIVERY ILLUSTRATES SO CLEARLY THAT LAUDNA ACTUALLY MEANS HERSELF, SHE IS THE TOOL TO BE DISCARDED??????

(Side note: Ashley full on hiding behind Mister, in pain vs. Travis having the time of his life vs. Robbie's eyes going round in wtf??? every other sentence chef's kiss)

I will say, I personally did not take "I'll miss our cottage though" as Imogen breaking up with Laudna, moreso a reference to the fact that Laudna directly said she thinks she should die and, you know, you can't live in a cottage with horses if you're for real dead, but. BUT. Marisha full on breaking down in tears at that specific moment DID NOT HELP with having a rational response to the conversation!!!!!! MARISHA. WHY. WHY MUST YOU DO THESE THINGS TO ME.

(Side note: You know what the funniest fucking thing would be? Is if Laudna thinks they broke up and Imogen doesn't and they go through like three days confused at each other. Actually, no, it wouldn't be funny, but I am stressed and I cope by making bad jokes, let's move on.)

Dorian asking Orym, and only Orym, if Laudna can be trusted and Fearne looking at Orym, so sure that of course he'll say she is, and then the look on her face when Orym just sighs and says nothing. She's waiting, and waiting, and just. Her FACE. Oh my god.

"It's my fault." and "I just want her to want to fight it." I AM DYING HERE, LAURA. PLEASE. STOP. Jesus christ.

Laudna shuffling away to give Imogen space and Imogen moving back closer overnight -- SEE ABOVE. IT WOULD BE KIND OF FUNNY.

Anyway, yeah, other things happened but I processed like zero of it, please leave me to pace around my room and yell at the clouds because Marisha Ray specifically is so, so insane.

[realtalk127]

alright fuck it. i can't sleep and i need to talk about this scene from the last episode of critical role.

because holy shit if this ain't some of the best rp – nay, storytelling in general – that i've ever seen. (buckle up, it ain't gonna be short.)

laudna: i made you a doll. because dolls are for children. and you're a child.

the way she says this is not nice! it's biting, it's snarky. she definitely seems to mean it as an insult – and she probably does! – at first. but laudna's idea of a child is much more expansive than just a cheep insult, as she makes clear shortly.

then ashton's response: i've never had a doll before. this is the nicest thing anyone's ever given me.

i don't know if this reaction melts laudna a little (if it does, she doesn't show it visibly), or maybe she was already coming to the conversation with a more nuanced definition of 'child', but either way, the conversation shifts immediately – and the next two sentences clarify where they're both coming from here.

laudna: i like children. // ashton: i don't.

she likes children! and we knew this, of course. marisha, the god of intentional rp showed us this within the first few moments of laudna's screen-time way back in episode 1. but still! it's worth repeating. despite the bite of her initial comment to ashton, she doesn't necessarily mean it as an insult. i don't know that we could entirely call it a compliment, given the context, but at the very least, i think she intended it as a point of connection.

after all, our data re: Laudna And Kids is not limited to that one scene from episode 1. there's also the parallel scene that mirrors it (with a happier ending) back in episode 38, when laudna first visits the sun tree after her resurrection. we also know (via a 4sd episode that i don't care to dig up right now) that laudna had another friend before imogen, who was a little girl.

and i think it's that little girl that's the most important piece here. we don't know anything about that story except that she exists, but i'm willing to read between the lines and make an assumption that laudna – on average – has better luck getting children to be kind to her (when they've not yet been taught to be cruel) than with adults. there is an innocence there that laudna needs! she needs people who haven't been hardened by assumptions and pre-judgements and all that bullshit. for laudna there is safety – both emotional and literal physical safety – in a childlike perspective.

ALL THAT TO SAY: laudna's associations with childhood are, generally, positive. for a variety of reasons.

but!

ashton's are NOT.

ashton's childhood sucked. from the jump. he was a part of a shitty cult that he barely remembers, and after that they were in an ophanage. their associations with childhood are overwhelmingly negative, and likely associated with feelings of helplessness and loneliness.

whether or not laudna intended that original comment ('you're a child') as an insult, we can pretty safely assume ashton took it as one.

they continue:

ashton: they're awful. // laudna: they're not.

NOW, we're getting into the meat of it. where before they were dancing around a metaphor, it becomes immediately clear what's really being talked about here. ashton is saying 'i'm awful', and laudna is emphatically saying 'no you're not.'

which! first of all, is so insanely generous of her. after what ashton just put her through less than 24 hours ago, laudna has every reason to affirm ashton's assertion that they are, in fact, awful. but she doesn't. ashton knows this, which is why he amends his original statement:

ashton: they can be.

they're saying: perhaps i can concede that i am not always awful, but let's at least agree that sometimes (like specificaly, oh, i don't know, LAST NIGHT) i can be.

laudna: you should remember what it's like to be one.

ashton: i do. it wasn't great.

the LAYERS, y'all. the LAYERS. the important thing here is that it's all in the context of that first comment: you're a child. which is, critically, a statement made in the context of ashton's decisions the previous night. they're talking in generalities here, but they're mostly talking about last night.

so!

when laudna says they should remember what it's like to be one [a child], she also means: you were a child last night, but not in a cool, whimsical way, just in a shitty, immature way. AND! when ashton says they remember, and that it wasn't great, they're saying they know they fucked up last night, but all they know of childhood is an overwhelming helplessness, how can that possibly be spun to a positive?

and this, really, is the crux of their two differing worldviews. these two have a lot in common – much has been said about that in game and out – but this point is where they split. laudna has survived, by embracing her childlike nature (admittedly, to a fault, at times). how to keep from being hurt? just keep everything fun and whimsical! nothing to worry about here, it's all just a silly little game! and she has also needed people who share that perspective. people who are willing to take her at face value and without any of the negative assumptions and prejudices they may have picked up along the way.

ashton, on the other hand survived by growing up immediately. they got through their own shitty childhood by becoming an adult (or acting like one anyway) as quickly as possible and STAYING that way. ashton needs to have a tough exterior (there's the made-of-stone thing again) to feel safe. (admittedly, from an audience perspective, this veneer is basically see-through. but ashton doesn't necessarily know this. they're trying their best. so from their perspective, the tough guy thing is Working.)

laudna: you should find more joy in your inner child.

she's saying two things here:

(1) you can be soft and be safe. those can co-exist, aND!

(2) i need you to be soft for me to be safe. when you have this false tough exterior, it hurts people. it hurts (hurt) me.

which is certainly a resonant metaphor to play with for the literal ROCK GUY who just got literally MELTED into LAVA 12 hours prior.

ANYWAY- that's what i've got for now on this scene. i'll probably never stop thinking about it, and there's even more good shit from later on in the scene when they talk about the doll, but that's it for now.

[revvethasmythh]

Some aspects of Laudna's behavior from the most recent ep have really started to stand out to me re: her backstory. We're told basically that after leaving Whitestone she roamed to different cities and was subsequently run out of many places by the townsfolk for being...well, a creepy undead witch. This is really all we know of thirty years of her life, we have nothing more detailed than that until Gelvaan, which is also not very detailed on what exactly she was doing there. And it's interesting because this backstory feels like it's meant to elicit a lot of sympathy on Laudna's behalf--i.e. she is being wrongly chased out of places for the crime of being/looking different. But something about the way she approached Imahara Joe's establishment--sending in the creepy whispers, specifically making a bunch of terrifying "rattling noises", and responding with a smile and saying "It works every time" when they heard a noise in response--really has me like. okay. Laudna, did you get chased out of places because you were terrorizing people in those places? because it sounds like you've done this before, potentially many times, and what's "fun scary" to one person can so very easily be "scary scary" to the people on the other end of the schtick.

Laudna clearly loves people, but I do have to wonder if she experiences a certain amount of dissonance about the effects that her actions cause. She very much has this Manic Demon Nightmare Girl persona thing going on, and that delighted, manic energy mixed with her penchant for the macabre, often directed at other people where she enjoys their freaked out reactions? I think, perhaps, there were reasons she kept getting run out of places that we have not, uh, unpacked as of yet.

To go deeper with this, Laudna is a character who rarely feels like she's in charge of her own destiny. Some of this is intentional, like the repeated puppet imagery re: Delilah. But I wonder if, perhaps, Laudna is someone who has had so many things--bad things, terrible things--happen to her that she had learned to erase her own role in her life. There was nothing she could do when the Briarwoods took over Whitestone, there was nothing she could do when she was murdered by Delilah, and there was nothing she could do when she was resurrected as the undead creachure that she is today. But there are thing she could have done in the intervening thirty years to change her situation. She could have pursued threads about getting rid of Delilah for thirty years, long before meeting Imogen. She could have (somewhat) altered her behavior so she wasn't freaking people out wherever she went and maybe she could have stayed somewhere. She could have been proactive in making changes and pursuing things in her life and I just wonder if she has forgotten that she can do that for herself and that the things she does do have consequences. In ep 49, she told Imogen, "The gods have never kept us from our ability to have a choice." But she only says this to Imogen. When does Laudna finally make an active choice? When does she realized that her behavior and the consequences of the behavior are in her control? When does Laudna decide that it's time to stop being a spectator in her own story, a person that things happen to? Soon, I hope. She should be the main character of her own story, and right now she simply isn't

[utilitycaster]

Hey, so can you explain to me the difference between the gods taking down Aeor and Ludinus destroying Molaesmyr? I’ve read some pro-Ludinus takes and, at least the ones I’ve read, seem to forget Molaesmyr. I feel like Ludinus and the gods did the same thing but for different reasons. The gods wanted to save themselves and at the same time (maybe I read it wrong) tried to find other ways to take down The Factorum Malleus with minimal casualties. Ludinus, according to his notes in episode 58 of c3 hoped “a channel of consciousness could be opened and perhaps whatever is seeking his attention from the red moon can bring clarity and purpose.” But that didn’t happen. He caused poisonous fumes, miasma, to happen and it killed a lot of people. A lot of people who are pro-Ludinus (at least the ones I’ve read) always bring up the innocents of Aeor and how awful it it that they died because of the gods actions, but what about the innocents in Molaesmyr? The ones Ludinus killed? They both brought down citys. So, what’s the difference? I could totally be wrong, but every time I read Ludinus lovers takes I feel like I lose brain cells.

Hi anon,

I can't say I've avoided ascribing intent to other fans in the past, nor that I don't at times speculate (see: the Laudna ask from last night) but I cannot answer the question of why other people might gloss over Ludinus's destruction of Molaesmyr. I think it's fair to say these are very different situations in terms of intent of the destroyers, number of survivors, innocence and intent of the city itself, and lasting effects; I personally would say "Ludinus Da'leth has no moral high ground re: destroying a city," but some people wouldn't. You would have to ask them.

I did want to use this opportunity, however, to sort of explore my sticking point re: people in favor of Ludinus because what gets me in the end is I can't find any like...narrative or moral throughline. I don't think I've seen anyone at this point say that he's right, is the problem; the people who are in his favor still have him joining Bells Hells as a redemption arc.

I find a lot of the fans of Ludinus believe that the gods should leave. They downplay the threat of Predathos and the vast harm Ludinus himself has done; wildly overstate the harm done to Ruidusborn (and ignore that a lot of the contemporaneous harm towards Ruidusborn is specifically directed at the Vanguard, a cultish army), and make unsupported assumptions regarding the positions of the gods re: Laudna; they overstate the power of Vasselheim; and generally have either a tenuous grasp on the lore or a shameless willingness to fabricate support for their claims. However, outside of the occasional banal "idk maybe it would be interesting if a god got eaten!" post, pretty much everyone stops short of actually fully siding with him.

This, to be clear, is good, because he really has been an architect of such war and destruction and abuses of power within Exandria over the past several centuries that it's fairly unconscionable to do so. The thing is, this leaves us with an interesting conundrum: how does the campaign end? Does Ludinus just. step down? Does he start killing the Vanguard? Does he undo the harm he's done to the weave of magic? What happens to the Weave Mind? Do they become the enemy? If your clear and present BBEG just flips sides, and his larger goal is one you think is kind of okay...where does that leave us? What does this look like? What happens to the gods then when the guy trying to kill them just gives up? Is there any resolution to any of the story beats? Like, what is the ending of this story when Ludinus is on Bells Hells' side?

It's honestly the eternal fix-it fic/What if the Villain could be GOOD problem. I'm not saying there can't be compelling stories about redemption and healing - obviously there can be - but sometimes a fictional character really isn't built to make sense of a narrative of redemption and healing. I don't think Ludinus is built like that. The story kind of unravels around him if he does not see his purpose of a thousand years through to the bitter end. I'm not saying it's impossible; a simultaneous strength and weakness of actual play is that the unexpected can happen because of player choice and particular dice rolls, and sometimes the unexpected is brilliant and sometimes it really isn't.

I find myself with the following two hypotheses. They are only educated guesses; they are not confirmed in any way.

Ludinus Da'leth is, in a way, Matt exploring the terrifying question "what if someone who subscribes to the politics of bitterness and revenge happened to also be intelligent and competent." I hesitate to draw direct comparisons to such figures as, say, Trump, or Elon Musk, but there is something in how Ludinus is played that evokes that base desire to destroy something because you found it insulted you (especially if it wasn't even after you personally), and dedicating your power and resources to taking it over, even if that is a joyless endeavor that destroys you in the process.

I think a lot of fans of Ludinus Da'leth are terrified of being wrong, either morally or in terms of their predictions; ironically this leads to a tendency to hedge to the point of incoherence as seen above such that I think it's impossible for them to ever be correct in their predictions other than in the most tangential or obvious (ie, everyone is predicting this) ways.

Anyway: this didn't really answer your question for the reasons given but I hope this explores why, in my mind, it kind of doesn't matter.

[leet911]

Can I

It is night in Jrusar, and Imogen tells herself that this should be like any other night in the Windowed Wall.  Because they’ve done this so many times.  It shouldn’t be different.  Even if Ruidus is hanging fixed in the sky casting its red glow over the world, none of that is visible from their room, with the curtains drawn and the lone window facing the wrong direction anyway.

So she brushes her hair, pretends it's a normal night, and Laudna busies herself tucking in Pâté and Sashimi.  While Imogen arranges the sheets for sleeping, Laudna fills a flagon with water to leave on the nightstand, and that too, is exactly the same as always.

“Goodnight,” they say in unison, each with a faint half-smile for the other.  But when they put out the lights and climb into bed, Laudna leans over, kisses Imogen on the cheek, and that is different.

Before Imogen can react though, the room is dark, and Laudna is settling into her side of the bed, pulling the blanket over her shoulders.  Imogen’s pulse pounds in her head as she slips into the sheets, fights the urge to slide even closer to Laudna than usual.  She hates feeling so needy.

The house is quiet, Zhudanna having long since retired, and Laudna’s slow breathing barely audible.  But each exhalation from Laudna still makes Imogen’s pulse more intense.

She doesn’t know how long she stays there, unmoving, counting Laudna’s breaths, thinking of covering Laudna’s mouth with her own (just like before), trying to figure out if Laudna is laying nearer or further than usual.  It’s not a particularly wide bed, and there’s no warmth seeping across the sheets, but Laudna’s never warm.

And Imogen thinks of moving, but she also doesn’t want to disturb Laudna’s sleep.  Laudna’s had a rough few days.  Laudna needs rest.  Even if Imogen wants nothing more than to roll over and kiss Laudna again (and again and again).

Just days ago, it felt like the world was ending.  And maybe the world still is ending, but it doesn’t feel so bad anymore.  Imogen’s heart is racing, but for entirely different reasons.  She lets out a long breath in an effort to calm herself, to no avail.

After an interminable wait, there’s a pause then in Laudna’s breathing, a lull in the slow rhythm, and Imogen finds herself turning to face the other woman.  It’s dark in the room, but faint light glints off Laudna’s open eyes, revealing inky pools of blackness.

Imogen shivers.  She never did quite get used to that.  “Laudna,” she whispers, “you awake?”

Dark eyes blink in the night.  “Yes, I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”  (Can I kiss you?)  But she doesn’t say that out loud.

Pause.  Laudna doesn’t respond for several seconds, and in the darkness, Imogen feels like her heart is bursting.   The question is on the tip of her tongue, and she wants to ask.  Even if part of her hates herself for needing this so much.  But if she’s honest with herself, she’s always needed this, even if she never let herself think it, never let herself consider asking before today.

“Imogen?”  When Laudna does speak, her voice is pitched high, unsure.

Imogen licks her lips.  “Yeah?”  (Can I kiss you?)

Another pause, longer this time, but Laudna’s breaths come in rapid succession during it.  Laudna’s head tilts, looking away at first, but then locking eyes with Imogen in the dark.  Imogen feels the gaze more than seeing it, as Laudna’s night vision is far superior.  But the words whispered by Laudna cut right into her.  “May I kiss you?”  The question is breathless and quiet, nervous and uncertain.

And Imogen melts.  “Please, I’ve never wanted anything more.”

She reaches out with a hand as Laudna presses closer, their fingers intertwining as their lips touch.  Imogen can’t stop the sound that comes from the back of her throat, the flaring of her nostrils, or the breath that rushes out of her.  Laudna’s lips are cool against hers.  Her hands too, if a little clammy, and the nails sharp when they grip Imogen just a little too tightly.

Laudna trembles, tries to pull away after one kiss, but Imogen follows her, kisses back, and Laudna gives in.  Laudna kisses her with determination, becoming firmer each time they touch, and when Imogen allows her tongue to poke out just a little, she’s met with Laudna’s long lithe one.  And it’s Imogen’s turn to shake.

“Is this ok?”  Imogen asks in between kisses, suddenly aware that she is the one leading here, even if Laudna started it.

But Laudna doesn’t answer.  Laudna covers Imogen’s mouth once more, runs her tongue down the length of Imogen’s and elicits a moan.  Laudna kisses from the corner of Imogen’s lips, across her cheek, and along the jawline, before finally stopping just under an ear.  Imogen is vibrating so much her fingers and toes feel numb.

Imogen buries her face in Laudna’s neck, kisses right where the pulse is, locks her in a crushing hug.  Laudna is alive.  And more importantly, Laudna makes Imogen feel more alive than anyone ever has.  As if on cue, a long tongue curls around an earlobe, and Laudna whispers into Imogen’s ear.  “You’re very capable.”

And Imogen promises herself she will never let go.

[angrydemonfawnbaby]

look while ashton doesn’t strike me as possessive they also do not strike me as the type to just jump into romantic shit casually. our only frame of reference for this is sally (i think, i could be misremembering) from the nobodies and what little we know of that relationship. but it’s the only romantic relationship ashton’s alluded to thus far and even that only came after some prodding. when ashton sees sally again, it’s tense. they swing on her for suggestion that he would’ve left her in the street dying if the roles were reversed.

it’s fearne that asks ashton if they’ve ever been in love. and ashton’s answer is illuminating i think, especially as a callowmoore shipper in the wake of the “sister” comment. they say they don’t know and fearne agrees that it’s very hard to know sometimes. ashton says they thought they were, but they don’t know if they actually were. he says “sometimes it is very easy to misconstrue friendship for love, lust for love—it’s very amorphous, i have a hard time defining it.”

(this is immediately followed by laudna saying she’s never been in love either, and then immediately saying that’s not true because she deeply loves imogen…who she later calls her sister…who she later kisses…so.)

anyway what i am getting at is in the same conversation ashton and fearne both admit to not knowing or understanding love in the romantic sense. friendship and lust, sure, but love is confusing.

and then ashton and fearne and the group as a whole grow closer. friendship happens, and friendship can be confused for love as ashton has experienced and admitted already. and then fearne and chetney happen, and they happen after fearne kisses ashton on the cheek, and they happen while ashton and the other half of the group are Having A Bad Time. but they happen, and that’s lust, and fearne has already said she’d probably make her way through the whole group eventually, and so maybe ashton is thinking that’s just what this is for fearne. especially after she makes a deal with a hot devil and then spends the night with a ghost pirate. fearne is flirty. fearne comes across as fickle. and that’s fine. i’m not saying ashton is jealous or judging, because i don’t think they are. but maybe ashton doesn’t want to confuse friendship and lust with love again, especially since it ended with him being abandoned last time, and the stakes of everything are so much higher this time. and maybe the everyone saying the two of them should fuck to awaken the shards is just confusing friendship and lust and love and ashton has a hard time defining love already.

so he defines it as sister, because it’s maybe the least confusing option. and it’s the option that gets everyone else to shut up.

[unicyclehippo]

For the one-word prompts, glutted?

post 67

the hound lay at the entrance to their hideaway, glutted on scraps and slumbering, content, under laudna’s stroking hand.

it was, it had to be said, a wretched thing. what skin it had was mottled and torn to reveal grey flesh; what grey flesh it had was ravaged and split to reveal bone; what bone it had was brittle and cracked, missing pieces of itself to reveal the hollow hurting ooze of marrow and shadow; what shadow it had menaced in eye hollows and the depths of a growling throat, it was a flicker of dark purpose linking bones and ragged tendons. it was also just kind of gross. the shadow bled out of the hound as they rested, a creeping pool of black that was starting to be soaked up in the hem of laudna’s new skirt. she didn’t seem to notice, or maybe she didn’t mind. long pale fingers scratching behind a tattered ear.

‘does it have a name?’ imogen eases herself down at laudna’s side, a full plate for them both to share in one hand. she uses the rock wall for help instead of laudna’s shoulder; that would only end in disaster or dislocation and she figures they’ve both had enough ouches for the day.

two pairs of inky eyes blink over at her. the hound growls, low in its chest.

‘don’t be foolish,’ laudna chastises. for a moment, imogen can’t be sure who she’s talking to. ‘this is imogen. if you growl at her again i’ll unravel you.’

it ought to worry her, the way laudna’s been talking to them. pate, the hound. and it does, a little—the scolding, the rebukes, the dismissing. it doesn’t matter if pate dies, he’s already dead. let me throw him, let me use him, he’s mine i made him. that coiled tacky knot of pride and disgust. look at what i’ve made.

imogen lifts pate onto her shoulder and settles their dinner on her knee.

‘it’s alright. it’s brand new.’

‘no it’s not. it helped kill a judicator.’

imogen hums, nods. ‘and you told it all about me during the fight.’

‘well. no, but,’

‘so how could it know?’ she clicks her tongue st it and, when it lifts its head, curious, she pats it. it was cool to the touch, something imogen was quite familiar with, and slimy. if tar had a dead cousin, that was what the shadows were fashioned from; it left a grey film on her fingers that laudna groaned about but imogen only laughed, burned it away with a flicker of lightning. ‘are you going to name it?’

laudna grimaces. pats it a moment longer before her fingers curl around a black current of energy, a leash, and the hound sighs and collapses in on itself. when it’s over, there’s nothing left but a black stain on the rock.

‘we shall have a menagerie soon,’ laudna jokes. her mouth stretches in a pretty smile. her eyes stay locked on her lap, her twisting fingers. ‘pate, mister, the dog.’

‘chet.’

it startles a chortling laugh from laudna, that really wonderful one, boisterous, gleeful. ‘that’s wicked,’ she scolds, grinning.

imogen grins back. ‘i love your laugh.’

laudna’s eyes widen. she laughs again, nervous. glances over to the rest of their party clustered closer to the smokeless flame, orym with his sister. when she looks back to imogen, shadows slink through her shadow-black hair, and secrets creep behind her eyes, soft and hazy. ‘m-my laugh?’ she asks, softly. ‘truly?’

‘yeah. always. i like how you can tell how genuine it is.’

laudna ducks her head. ‘i have always enjoyed yours as well.’

‘i sound like a horse,’ imogen grumbles. laudna nods, very sweetly, which earns her a gentle slap on the shoulder. ‘you’re ‘sposed to say no, imogen, you don’t sound like a horse,’

‘darling, you do. it’s very…’ laudna tilts her head to an uncomfortable angle. ‘cute,’ she says slowly, word awkward and uncertain, like she isn’t sure of it, sure she should be using it. ‘it’s - well - it has always been such a treat. you don’t laugh nearly enough, in my opinion.’

‘i don’t remember laughing before i met you.’

laudna smiles again, eyes soft. it’s sad and a little awful, to admit it, to think it—surely there was a time, some friends when she was younger, but the memories are staticky with hurt and fear piled over them. there’s something so nice about laudna, her cheer of course, but also her teeth, her chill, the way she can reach out and menace someone to their very soul. with laudna at her side, hurt and fear can’t do very much.

‘i was considering truffle. for the dog.’

‘truffle.’

‘yes! it has such a prominent snout, perhaps it was a truffle hunter in another life.’

imogen settles their dinner plate between them, moves so she can be close to laudna. tuck herself into her side, almost as protected as she had been, wounded, shielded. ‘i like it.’

‘but you don’t love it.’

‘i just don’t know if it fits.’

‘no? hmm. i’ll give it some thought.’

[nephriteknight]

Highlights From My Bells Hells Playlist

So I have a Bells Hells playlist that has some really perfect songs if I do say so myself, and I want to talk about my choices! So here's some of my favorites. (Here is the full playlist btw, with songs ranging from word-for-word-perfect to Just The Right Vibes Idk Man)

Rule #2 - Moonlight by Fish in A Birdcage For Orym :) About a person on the moon singing to their lover on Earth. "All I want is to come home to you." Is this song about Will or about Dorian? I think it's even better because it works for both. There are lines that are for Will and lines that are for Dorian and it's all mixed up and full of longing and in light of recent confessions? Just perfectly heartbreaking. "Finally broke down / Houston, please come in / There's someone that I need to talk to / Honey, how've you been? / I miss you, my dear / There's something that I have to say" "It's good to hear your voice / I'll tell you what the world looks like from up here / there's hurricanes / and blizzards too / please stay safe and warm 'til I get to you"

Control by Halsey For Laudna. This one is very straightforward. "And all the kids cried out please stop you're scaring me / I can't help this awful energy / Goddamn right you should be scared of me / Who is in control?" The rest works pretty well too, there's more lines that feel Very Delilah, it just works.

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives For the whole party! I happened to get into this song right when the whole "powder keg" conversation happened, and it's only gotten more relevant. "Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me." It's great it's perfect it's them. "What happens now? / Do we have another go / Do we bow out / And take our seperate roads / I'll admit I've had my doubts / But I want to be let in not out" "Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad / And you would always crack / And we'd both be laughing in the end? / Now you're not so quick to forget"

Moving in Place by Shauna Dean Cokeland This song is so Ashton. It's about using drugs as a teenager and feeling stagnated, blaming things on other people, drowning in daydreams where you're awesome, spending time with a group of friends you really care about.... It works quite well. (I also really recommend this song if you have ADHD/use music to stim, it's got really great overlapping vocals and kinda scratchy sound--this is the song I put on when my brain is eating itself and no other music can get through to it. It's great.) "Take me to the far side of the beach / Before it falls into the ocean / Before you notice I'm eroding / I know you don't wanna be lonely / I know 'cause I would feel the same thing" I'm having trouble picking out specific quotes because they're all really wordy and long, but trust me it works and it's a great song.

Soap by The Oh Hellos Ashton! I especially like this for Ashton and Orym (platonic or romantic both are good) but it also works for Ashton and the Hells—and once again, this song hits even harder after the shard incident. As far as picking specific lines I just want to quote like the whole song, but I'll exercise some restraint. "I've heard since I was younger / That oil and water don't mix / They're polar opposites / With a molecular rift you can't fix / But I swear with all your burnt bridges / You can leech what's caustic and find / A rudimentary lye / Some kind of miraculous bind" "Oh, no / I think I'm not quite ready / To let you circle the drain / All the things we've broken / Can be puzzled together again / All your sums and your pieces / Are enough to clean up all / The messes you've made" "I think that you're worth keeping around. I think that you're worth holding onto." "I've heard if I were tougher / Then maybe I'd make it alive / I've got a tender side / I'll need a harder shell to survive / But if seeing is believing / I don't know I've seen a thing grow / Without an open coat / Not without a softness showing / I know maybe you're not quite ready / To loosen your hold / On the safety blanket you've been keeping around your shoulders / But your sums and your pieces / Are enough to make you whole / You gotta let go" "It's gonna hurt like hell / but we're gonna be well / I'll give you my best shot" Oops I basically just quoted the whole song. But look how perfect it is!!

The Leaving of Liverpool (folk song; I like this version by The High Kings) This one's for Dorian! Specifically, for Dorian leaving :( It's an old folk song about going away from home and leaving your love behind. It's not as character specific or detail heavy, but it just feels so right for Dorian having to leaving Orym and Fearne in Jrusar. "So fare thee well my own true love, and when I return united we will be. It's not the leaving of Liverpool that grieves me, but my darling, when I think of thee." My mom and I go to a Celtic Christmas concert every year, and one of the last songs is always this one. Everybody knows it, and they invite us all to join in the chorus. It's a beautiful moment, and I'm so grateful to Brian O'Donovan, the host, who passed away this year. He brought so much joy and gave so many people a piece of their home to enjoy here. He will be missed.

Canary in a Coal Mine by The Crane Wives If the title didn't clue you in, this one's for FCG! It's not just because of the mine, though, it all works really well. This song is about the 'canary', who puts so much into a relationship, doing everything to keep their partner happy and support them, but fears that when they need help themself their partner will abandon them. "Feed me promises, keep my heart well / I'll sing you songs until the darkness does recede / But if in the end I lose my voice / Will you forget about your love for me?" "Let the dirt hang heavy in your chest / Drag me deeper down the long, dark ground / Know that all my love will your breath / I will save you when your lights go out"

Bonus: A Convocation of Fauns (A Faunvocation If You Will) by the Oh Hellos Fearne. The title says it all. (It's just instrumental lol)

[12pt-times-new-roman]

c3e77

"You volunteered to be the recon team that goes to the moon" what a fucking sentence.

Laudna, Fearne, and Imogen go wandering around the castle. Laudna guides them; she wasn't just someone who got picked by Delilah, she would also often take refuge in the tunnels beneath the castle and steal things from it like a mouse in the walls. She also says that she was "captured" before being brought to the dining hall, rather than having been invited there for a nice dinner like she'd said before.

Imogen summons a reiloran to..... unlock a door for her. She's able to summon multiple types of reilorans; this one is a Hexmind, and I'd guess that this one has skills, another type has melee attacks, and a third has ranged attacks.

In the room that Delilah used as a bedroom, they find a hidden chamber: it's filled with strangely-shaped furniture, desks, contraptions, equipment -- like a laboratory. More than that, it was a torture chamber, with refined residuum dust all across the floor and hungry shadows. Initiative!

Laudna's ability is actually called hunger of the shadow-shard. It allows her to absorb the target's soul, and deals 4d8 necrotic damage on a successful melee attack. The creature takes no damage (it's immune to necrotic), and recognizes Delilah within her -- the form of dread looks more like Delilah than ever before, with a choker around her neck and a second pair of shoulders over hers.

As the shadows fall, they all hear a voice: "Loyal servants of the castle. They were all useful subjects." It's Delilah's voice, emanating from Laudna. "It's interesting; you found some of my old additions to the castle grounds. A place to keep Sylas to rest, a place to experiment -- it's nice to see it again. [What am I to you? Are there others like me?] There are no others like you. [So I'm your only thread to the material world.] As I am yours. You have been dead for a very long time. I am the only thing that keeps you here. So let us put aside these strange and unnecessary quarrels and instead,maybe, do some great things together. I'm sure you've many questions -- well? What is it you wish to know?"

What are you after? I wish nothing more than to see history come to its natural close. I want to outlive this world, to uncover its mysteries and keep them to myself. What's so wrong with that?

You may live to see the day, then, unless you help us defeat Predathos. I do not push against your goals. Truth be told, Our interests are quite aligned. I leant you my gifts because you need them and I need you; I should hope thta offers you some solace. [Vecna] has little to gain from the destruction of the gods; I gave up everything to create one. His power is through you, as well. He -- I -- do not wish to see that taken by the enemy of ancient insolence.

And if Vecna goes away? So do we.

Delilah wants Laudna to devour more magic -- she recalls absorbing the gnarlrock, the soul from Bordor, the hunger. Life, power -- and if Laudna grants enough to her, she may be able to separate their souls while keeping Laudna intact. With a new body and new power, the first thing she would do is to bring Sylas back.

"I didn't choose this!" "No. But fate's a fickle mistress, isn't she?"

Delilah also senses that Fearne has the potential to become something terrible and beautiful, a meeting of realms. She recalls looking through a mirror into possible futures,

Imogen, she says, is the child of the god-eater -- "fate itself fears you, and rightly so. No one knows the limits of what you can do, what you're capable of if you should find out... where one like you would normally draw the eyes of the gods, you are anathema to them. You might be the one to choose the future of this world, if your mother doesn't make it first."

"Imogen, I need you to make me a promise. If something happens to me, the greatest honor you could give would be to move on. To be happy. To live, to live! I am quite literally a dead end. If anything happens and I become her little puppet, I trust you to make the right choice." I don't know why but this feels..... unearned, somehow.

Scavenging the room, they find nothing of use.

As they leave, Delilah creeps into Laudna's mind again. "Let us work together. Despite everything, I do care for you." "Let's do beautiful and terrible things together."

And to break!

The morning opens with a lovely little speech from Orym to Fearne. "I got you something." "What?" "I stole it!" "What?!" He gives her the spyglass he stole from the skeleton pirates!

For Chetney, he's doing this because he wants to go to the moon, yes, but also because he wants to be remembered. He's getting old, so he wants to leave his mark on the world -- for him, it's about legacy, planting seeds in a garden he'll never get to see. (i'm SORRY--)

Orym wants to avenge his husband and Derrig, wants to protect the Tempest, yes -- but if his life is lost in defense of all the lives on Exandria, or in defense of the Bells Hells, then it is well-spent. "But what about you? What's your happy ending?" "Tomorrow."

It's snowing in Whitestone, and Ashton doesn't know what sledding is. They decide to take the day to have fun, to remind themselves that they at least love each other even when they don't like each other, and to remember why they're not gonna kill each other when the stupid decisions eventually come.

Allura and Cassandra are supposed to arrive in the afternoon, so the Bells Hells disperse throughout the city to spend the time.

Imogen goes to the temple of the Dawnfather. It's certainly interesting that, between the structure of this temple, the attitude and vocabulary of the arbiter, and the General Vibe of the Place, this place is the most like a real-life Christian church I think we've experienced in Exandria thus far. Regardless, there's a massive difference between the way the Dawnfather's temple receives a non-believer versus temples of, say, the Matron (who has twice granted literal visions to people who have never once prayed to her).

But she prays anyway. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I hope you know we're trying to fix things for y'all, and if everything goes right then hopefully you'll have the power to help us in return. I'm not looking to make any deals, I know that's not something you're supposed to do with gods, but I could really use your help with her -- I know you're more powerful, I know you are, and I guess I could call that faith. But anyway, I'm gonna try real hard to help you. Thanks." She leaves the door slightly ajar as she leaves, and glancing up, she immediately sees the snow-dappled statue of the Matron looming over the graveyard, over the figure of Vax'ildan, the cold vision of death. A raven takes off into the snow. There is no warmth, and there is no response.

Orym heads to the Whitestone expansion of Gilmore's Glorious Goods. The storefront is bare, picked clean by the war effort. He buys 3 basic healing potions, a potion of heroism, and some pastries from Pike's bakery.

Ashton and Fearne go on a walk to the clocktower. "Could you imagine being so pasionate about your life that you'd do something like this? Up until recently, I would've said no... if everything goes terrible, your Nan is going to miss you so much. But if everything goes terrible, no one's gonna miss me, because everyone who would care would be right there with me."

y'all my Rockwild heart is thriving-- "well, when I said sister, you know I meant... I mean, you're hot and otherwise, you've got it going on--"

fuck. Ashton trusts someone. They trust Fearne to make the right decision, and they trust themselves to let Fearne make the right decision, and they are so convinced that they were never meant to have anything but if Fearne survived and they didn't they know that someone will miss them.

but Ashton wants Fearne to be their acomplice in allowing them to absorb the second shard, even against the will of everyone else in the group, just because they think that it is what's meant to happen. they want it to be Fearne and them alone, when the transfusion happens, because they don't think Fearne will try to stop them. "do what you can, and if I'm not okay, it's not your fault."

"Well, I-- I think you're pretty hot too." And Fearne runs the fuck away

They reconvene in the war room with Cassandra, Percy, and Allura.

I'm not transcribing all of this, there's a ridiculous amount of information here, so here are the highlights.

Residuum seems to be mostly unaffected by the solstice, and it is very uncommon for people to understand the workings of complex machines, so Percy offers a way to scramble their automatons to cause a distraction (and suddenly, this ornery old man has a Christmas-morning sparkle in his eye); they're essentially arcane EMPs. There are only 2, and FCG takes both.

They've also agreed that an onslaught of magical illusions would provide sufficient distraction en masse. It sounds like Allura will be the point-person for this, and on top of her being a 20th-level wizard, her magic will be amplified by the nexus point at the key.

The Hells are given a number of magical items: 2 scrolls of mass nondetection; 1 scroll of greater restoration (for Ryn); 1 scroll of dimension door; 2 potions of greater healing; 1 potion of superior healing; 1 potion of speed; 2 potions of gaseous form; and a bejeweled baking sheet worth 1000gp (the material component for heroes' feast).

Next is the matter of Ludinus' vest and the titan shard. First, the place: at the prompting of Cassandra, Percy leads them through well-carved, well-guarded pathways to a chamber; there are researchers here, in this cavern crowned by massive roots, and they climb the steps of the Ziggurat.

(I cannot believe that Travis resisted the urge to use grim psychometry on this place--)

I also can't believe that the Bells Hells are just...... okay with Ashton and Fearne doing this alone. They're not even questioning Ashton's extremely shifty behavior here, insisting that everyone goes away before someone puts the harness on. It legit feels out of character for them to just leave (especially Orym, with his absolutely ridiculous passive insight, and Percy, who's about to leave two near-complete strangers to do whatever they will at the top of this ziggurat).

There's something that's just so incredibly frustrating and wrong about this encounter and I really don't know what it is.

Ashton puts the harness on, and Fearne puts the crystal into it. They feel warmth in their chest, and it begins to blossom -- warm to hot to burning -- the golden fractures on Ashton's skin glow orange. The heat feels like something is trying to awaken, like a second heartbeat, a dormant organ -- it flexes, their shoulder lurches, and the heat goes there. It cracks and falls, shatters on the ground. "Don't you dare--"

The heat spreads, and through Ashton's grin, their ear shatters on the ground. The gold is molten, running, the rock of his skin is smoldering. The crystal loses its color, crumbles, and falls away; Ashton's chest is glowing like a furnace, their body expands slightly, and with each lurch -- like an earthquake that changes tectonic plates -- parts of them fall away.

Ashton fails a saving throw, they close their eyes and look to Fearne -- where their eyes were, there are coals that emit burning light, their body shakes -- another shift, their chest expands, and their right arm falls and shatters.

They start to run up the ziggurat. Ashton staggers toward FCG, FCG puts up a death ward, Fearne casts aura of life, Imogen uses telekinesis to keep Ashton together. None of it's going to work, Ashton is going to fucking die here -- and as much as I do think that Orym, Laudna, and FCG acted incredibly out of character, I also think that, with the context of Molly's death, Matt is giving a fucking masterclass in acting. I genuinely cannot tell whether he's legitimately distraught about Ashton definitely dying here, or if he's putting on a show because he knows that Ashton is coming out the other side of this changed.

"You are a man, currently holding two bombs on the verge of detonation." The gold parts of his body glows bright-hot, his face tenses, and beams of sheer white light shine into the roots of the Sun Tree and Ashton shatters -- until his ring of temporal salvation pulls him back together. They have five rounds to keep them up for.

Their only hope right now is to keep ahead of the damage, but Laudna has already given up and is trying to drag Imogen and Chetney back out of Allura's protective sphere even though she has some perfectly good healing spells in her arsenal. The party is in triage mode, they're throwing everything at this, but they only have a few more rounds to go, and Chetney and Laudna have done absolutely fucking NOTHING.

"Have you not realized that I'm a hypocrite?!" Ashton my beloved

FCG's aura of vitality is saving the fucking day here, and this only supports my hypothesis that it is the best fucking healing spell in the game.

"anyone wanna use up any more healing spells they have here?" Laudna, who has wither and bloom: *silence*

with everything that Matt has said, doing this should've killed Ashton instantly. But because of 2/3rds of the rest of their group, and a couple lucky rolls, and an overpowered spell or two--

"There's a moment where you think he's gone. And then, he erupts in steam, filling the entirety of the ziggurat with mist. You pull back, the heat burning your eyes, and you can't help but cough -- and as it passes, you look over and see Ashton there, cooling. Unmoving."

Ashton sits up, and where their arm was, there is a heavy, muscular, molten-rock arm replacing what they lost. It glows, and where gold once was, there is now just cracks of orange in the crust atop magma. "Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for saving me." Fearne just kicks him in the face with a hoof. "I am never trusting you again!"

They stand beneath the roots of the Sun Tree, and for whatever loss this place has seen, at least something was saved here.

[thisisnotthenerd]

So after that lore heavy episode I have some thoughts (spoilers ahead):

Starting from the beginning—the dichotomy between what the players want Travis to do with Graz’tchar and what the characters want is hilarious. It does serve as a major power source for the wielder, and it sets a standard for the kinds of things that Bell’s Hells will encounter. The differences in interactions with the blade really brought Chetney, FCG, and Ashton into sharp relief.

Imogen’s in her helping the gods era now: I think Liliana could be convinced away from Ludinus in an opportunistic moment like Astrid and Eadwulf at the end of Campaign 2, but right now she’s solidly in enemy category.

The hole idea is just like the happy fun ball from C2–a way to really get around teleportation limits. Although Chetney had the bag of holding with him, so I’m not sure that it should have worked. I don’t think Matt is looking for another nuclear explosion at this point in the game, so let’s just say he hands it off to Ashton or Orym since Imogen was casting.

Next up: Keyleth is healed and in recovery! I hope BH thinks to take some blue perennum paste with them in case they run into the Vanguard and Otohan again—she’s been conspicuously missing, and I don’t like it. I know Imogen is consciously reaching for her mom and being contacted in turn, but it seems odd to not at least try to find out what Otohan’s doing. They don’t even know if the scry ball is still working.

Bell’s Hells in Zephrah has been lovely—I’m glad to see Orym recognized for his heroics. I hope this encourages more thought of himself outside of serving Keyleth and Zephrah. Savior Blade of the Tempest indeed.

The Reilora being more defined now can’t be a good thing. I low key want Imogen to try summoning until she gets one with information, but that might be a later conversation.

Ashton has Titan’s blood in them! Along with something Keyleth doesn’t know about (hint hint). This is actually cool as hell and I love it. Maybe the Hishari we’re trying to use the knowledge of Evontra’vir to resurrect a primordial with the aid of a beacon that ended up resulting in Ashton. The potion of possibility being added to his brain might have jumpstarted whatever Luxon fragments he still has floating around in there. Also Ashton bonding with Keyleth as an authority figure/mentor is so fun. I love that for them.

The whole interaction with the Changebringer had me breaking down much like the table did. Bless Sam for learning from the Jester Lavorre School of Aggressive Deity Contact.

Now onto the theories: much like VM had to gain vestiges in order to fight the conclave, I think BH is going to be doing some teleporting from place to place to gain power and fight Ludinus. They’re going to see D to get the harness fixed and after are headed to the Shattered Teeth to look at the aftermath of the sundering of the Tree of Names. Watching top table’s reaction to the Shattered Teeth was *chef’s kiss*. Maybe when they get there I’ll go for a Calamity rewatch to see what I can find.

As for what they’ll find there: obviously crazy elemental magic that links into Ashton’s origins. Maybe a link to Asmodeus from what’s left of the sundering that Fearne can look at. A therapist to talk with FCG but also all of BH. A cool map for Travis.

My hope is that they start dimension hopping and becoming champions of some of the outer planes. Like the elemental plane of earth for Ashton, plane of fire for Fearne if she’s not Asmodeus’ champion at that point, wait she’s already a fey druid that could probably commune with nature and wildfire of her own power. Maybe the Shadowfell for Laudna’s sorcerous origin? Anyway this falls, I’m excited to see how it goes, as the true start of a new arc for Bell’s Hells.

[non-neutoniangender]

So I finally got my life together enough to continue my C3 watch... I'm still at 33, I've made more progress on C1 recently. Finally the combination of finding Mini Metro and actually logging onto Tumblr on the web made the barrier of watching Those Episodes bearable.

Spoilers for ep 33 and minor vibe spoilers for episodes in the future that I'm not sure of but its all stuff I absorbed via osmosis and fandom.

It's been almost a full year since these episodes came out and I was mindlessly scrolling Tumblr during my 10am linguistics lecture and stumbled upon everyone panicking because of the lack of diamonds for the amount of people who died. Anyway.

The anxiety of not quite remembering exactly I learned happened is not doing me any favors, but good god, I can really only handle some of this stuff not watching live.

Anyway, here are some assorted thoughts:

Liam you really did not have to make me Feel Things about Orym and his husband while Orym is passing out.

Laudna what is that spell that adds hit dice, that is So Good

Good GOD Otohan is not pulling any punches.

.....this is so close to TPK wow.....

Matt hesitating before essentially killing his wife's character, but doing it anyway.....

It's really interesting to see so many of them up and huddled around the map, things are really getting heated, with Liam just living behind Ashley and Laura's chairs.

"I don't want to be the only one not dead" followed immediately by "soometiiimees you gotta cut a bitch" Yes Travis, that is the correct energy to bring to this clusterfuck.

:OOOOO Not the natural 20 to fucking save Laudna

Begging the DM for the extra hit point like its gonna matter lmao

"I should be more complete at my job" Good GOD

The sending stone 😢

And there's the first one

"We've met before" 😒😒

The sense of failure, the bitersweet feeling of seeing Will and Derrik again 😢😢

I hate it for them that they are getting important lore while they are on the verge of a TPK and loosing their characters

and yet they make jokes like "we can't afford that Sam" to careless whisper

"He is not a creature at the moment" :O omg. Ow. God that hurts.

I gotta say, I'm really enjoying seeing all these hail mary type moves.

You really only see the uber creative dumb shit Hail Mary calls when things are extremely dire.

I love how Beau's voice and mannerisms sneak out a lot as bits and jokes

And there's the second

"That was a helluva run" 😢

"Embrace it or be culled like the rest" oh my god

"That brings us straight to your initiative because everyone else ahead of you is dead" Oh my god Matt

If this actually tpk'd, this would probably be in the running for the longest, most painful tpk. Usually its all at once, rocks fall, everyone dies, the dragon breath attack....

Something about Travis repeating "do you fight it" to laura is so sweet to me.

Also Imogen is making such a wild decision mid potentially worst day of her life omg.

"Save your last line, you might still have a chance" Damn Matt you didn't have to be Like That

"I give in, and I fuck Chetney" "We all do at some point" 🤣

"Is she your favorite" and the immediate "I'll go with you, I give in" oh my god. Having seen that clip of Laura being like 'I didn't know Imogen was in love with Laudna' oh my god the pining is there.

Oh shit the whole city is turning red.

And THATS the end..................

I was gonna go to bed but........ Maybe I can afford to make 1 poor decision

I love the friendship, everyone congratulating each other and matt, no hard feelings. But I wonder how many people are rolling up characters just in case cuz oh my god.

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 70

Thursday Night on WEDNESDAY Night this time ... crazy ... with a bit of luck we should be back to NORMAL schedule for next session. In the meantime ...

Matt: "What are you putting on your head, Sam?" Me: "Oh gods ..."

Yeah, this is gonna be so bad. Are we looking at a recipe for motion sickness this time? Marisha: "You're so close to me, stop!" Sam: "The hood is saying I should battle Travis!" Travis: "I will destroy you." Yeah ... Sam: "Laura, maybe you should --" Laura: "Stay away from me, Riegel!" Also yeah ...

Ooh, delicious pastries ... damn you, now I'm hungry again ...

Ah yes, the end of Shithead ... Sam: "That was the first main character death in a long while." XD

Back in Bassuras, then ... okay, what's going on here, then? Oh lovely, more god police, that's lovely, that is. Apparently Vasselheim has come ...

A skyship just BLEW UP? What? I'm sorry, what the actual?

Hmmmm ... is there some casual insurgency going on here right now, perhaps? Interesting.

Ashton: "It looks like we might have walked in in the middle of someone else's issue here." Yeah ...

Issues? Hmmm ... so ARE THERE problems with the skyships or IS THIS some kind of uprising?

Oh yeah, Kimothee Chalamet, of course ...

Kiki bird! Awwwwwww ...

FCG; "When a dead lady's worried about your health you should listen."

AAAHH!!! Fucking crawler! Watch it!

Keyleth going solo ... yeah, I am NOT too confident about that ...

Wait ... is Travis rolling an insight check on the TRESHI BALL? Like a Magic 8 Ball?

Off to Joe's, then ... ah, yeah, still early ...

Trap check? Oh boy ... please don't pull a drunk Nott, Chetney ...

Chetney unlocks the door, then Imogen uses her Mage Hand to open it ... before Laudna has a crack at just SCARING THE FUCK out of Joe ...

Wait ... has something HAPPENED to Joe? Oh fuck ...

Wait ... NINE PEOPLE in here? Crazy ... oh shit, what's THAT?!!! Fuck, emergency dex rolls! Crap!

Awwww ... Chetney protecting Imogen ... which has NO effect on what happens at all ...

Lightning damage? Crap ...

Meanwhile Fearne and Ashton are round the back ... did they just do that to keep from suffering ill effects? Bit sneaky, guys ...

Laudna Spiderclimb! Yay! Always fun ...

Ashton turns his hammer into a platform for Orym to climb over the fence. Cute ...

Ah, an ambush ... of course ... oh, is Joe alive, then? Hmmm ... oh no, more bad guys ... oh no, THERE'S Joe! Phew ...

Stealth good, Orym ...

Back door? Okay, somebody coming ...

Layout? OH YAY!!! Battlemap!

Oh sweet ... Nice place, Joe! And Sam TOTALLY ballses up the plug ... XD

Shield of Help? Nice ... additional AC to Dancer, that's sweet, Letters.

Interpretive dance? Imogen: "Are you confused?"

Yeah, not sure SUMMONING THE BEES is a good idea, Laudna ...

Every time Marisha starts PERCHING I know we're proper in the shit ...

Balls ... here we go all too soon ...

Wait, WHAT?!!! Fuck AND it's a sneak attack? Fuck ... Laudna, NO!!!

Roll for Initiative! YEAH, NO SHIT!!!

Wow, these are some HIGH initiative scores, guys! Is that good? Oh, except for Imogen ... 5? Ouch ...

Dancer rolled a NAT1? Oof ...

Laudna up FIRST? Oh fuck ... yeah, Form of Dread IMMEDIATELY. She is PISSED, clearly ... a FIREBALL?!!! You're sure about that play?

Boom! Crap ... black powder? Oh shit ...

NOW we roll damage? 25 points of Fire damage? Oof ... and ROLL FOR FEAR!!! Yup ...

Yup ... scuttling Laudna for the maximum creep factor ...

Oh, that was almost hairy ...

Whoa, full on MONK SHIT?!!! Great ... that's not good at all ...

Save the mini, Matthew!

Bird skull? DUSKMAVEN!!!

Shield! Nice save, Laudna!

Fucking Paragon's Call! Damn it ...

Fearne does a Mirthful Leap and Travis does a goat bleat ... XD Oh, hello Mister! Oh, she DOES have Sneak Attacks? Hmmm ... but she's already moved ... crap, now she has POPPED HER KNEE!!! Great ...

Okay, flaming monkey shit! Here we go ...

Dragonborn? Okay, then ...

Shit! Sneaky monk ninja shit! Oh fuck ... TWO attacks hit? No, Fearne! Aaaaaargh ...

Here we go, invidible Chetney on the attack! Go, wee man! Blood Curse of Bloated Agony? Here we go ... but NOT invisible now ... balls, znd now he's using the sword for the first time? Hmmmmm ...

The talking sword DISTRACTS Chetney enough to full on MISS the first hit ... but at least the SECOND one hits ... wait, he's CHARMED now? How the fuck ... Chetney, you spawny bastard ...

General Ratanish? Oh fuck ... and HE'S RAGING!!! Shit ...

Fuck, Chetney gets hit BAD ... ouch ...

FCG: "Dancer, hide, use your Pussy for protection if you have to!" Oh my gods ...

Banishment? Fuck, Sam ... Holy shit, Ratanish rolls a ONE for Charisma? Fuck ... yeah, HE GONE ... For a minute. Use it wisely, guys!

Wait ... did they MISS? Oh no, now Chetney's BAKING inside his armour ... 12 points of Fire damage? CRAP!!!

Yes ... get the dick monk, Ashton! CHARGE!!! Advantage since he's Raging ... here we go! Beat that monk ass WHOLESALE, Ashton! Boom! Yeah ... 20 points of damage AND a strength save? Okay ... and he SHOVES her! Okay ... Chaos Burst? Reckless ... whoosh ... POW!!! What's THIS gonna do? 23 points of damage in the back of the head? Ouch ...

Orym is GTAing a crawler? Crazy ... yeah, that didn't work ... and now it's just a fucking TIME BOMB ... rescuing Fearne instead, then ... crap, no hit ... TWICE? Bollocks ...

Scared guy attacks Chetney and HITS?!!! Crap ... strange confusion ensues as the Charmed one PROTESTS ... oh, interesting save ...

Dragonborn attacking Fearne ... oof .. thanks to Orym at least, only SIX points of slashing damage ...

Imogen just PUNTED the monk off the roof? Sweet ... heading in, then ... help Chetney, girl! 4th Level Lightning Bolt? BOOM!!! Not great damage, though ... 10 points only ... nuts ...

Dancer is JOINING the fight? Okay ... oh, SHE'S helping Chetney? Okay then ... Cure Wounds through Pussy 2? Yeah, that causes a lot of unnecessary jokes ... and she's peacing out again ...

Spell Sniper? Oh that's cool ... whatcha gonna do, Dead Girl? She hits one ... but at least it's the one she WANTS ... 12 and 9 damage ... and that's it for the Charmed condition, then ...

Step of the Wind ... AND Flurry of Blows? Crap ... except it MISSES FCG on the first ... but the second hits! Crap ... punted! Ouch ... oh no, the Banishment? Oh thank gods that held ...

Scorching Ray in Melee? Hmmm ... okay, Charm Person instead? Okay ... it works! Nice ... and she STEALS HIS CROSSBOW?!!! Cute ...

Laura thanks Keyleth for leaving just before they REALLY NEED HER ...

Mister's TAKING DAMAGE?!!! My gods, that NEVER happens!

Taliesin: "I have a dumb plan that may or may not work." Travis: "I love those."

A miss on the knife throw ... but it HITS the core? Crap ... and NOW Matt finally crit-fails ... oh my gods that couldn't have happened at a better time ...

"Chetney Tatum"? Yes, that IS terrifying ...

Laura: "God, I hate him! I never thought I'd MISS Craven Edge!"

Chetney gets the HDYWTDT!!! Nice ...

Is there an ON switch? Yeah, dunno if THAT'S a good idea ...

Meanwhile they're all comparing him to a border collie obsessed with the sword ... XD

13 points restored from a Healing Word on Chetney? Nice save, FCG! Then he goes to attack the monk with thesaw blade ... AND HITS!!! Nice ... Divine Smite? Sweet ... 14 damage! Sweet ...

Shit, Chetney's STILL burning? Crap ...

4th Level Erupting Earth? What? Oh dear gods ... oh, that's NOT NICE!!! THREE of our group take hits? Crap ...

Oh balls ... goodbye Banishment ... oh no, scratch that, it succeeds after all? DON'T SCARE US LIKE THAT, Matthew!

Turns out the monk is a SMEAR now ... Nice ...

Ashton going crazy to rescue Fearne ... yay! Batter him, mate! Nat20! Sweet ... Crusher? Oooooh ... a BRUTAL Critical? Nice ... I love when he has to math it up, means it's gonna be SO HIGH ... 33 damage? Fuck ... AND he rolls ANOTHER Nat20 on the second attack! 28 AND pushes them back ... oh yeah, that REALLY fucking hurt, clearly ... Ashton, you scary sometimes and I love it ...

Orym is ONCE AGAIN gonnatry and steal the crawler? Hmmmm ... okay, yanks the guy out instead ... ties him to the crawler? Hmmm ... what ARE YOU doing, Orym? He keeps CRITTING the bike ... and a TRIPPING attack? Marisha: "Can you also steal the bike's lunch money?" LOL

Oh fuck, that worked ... and that guy just gets BLOWN THE FUCK UP!!! Nice ...

Oh I love that ... he gets out but then the second one FALLS ON HIM?!!! Oh yeah, Dragonborn is SO DEAD now ...

Oof ... that's 15 slashing damage against Imogen? How dare you, sir?

Laura asks how high the ceiling is? Hmmmm ... oh, okay, yeah ... "That's telekinesis, Kyle!" XD She just SLAMS the guy into the wall AND dumps him into the fire ... 22 damage! Nice ...

Pussy 2 and Shocking Grasp? Oof ... miss? Crap ... anticlimax!

Spell Sniper again, this time on the caster ... Eldritch Blast and A NAT20! NICE!!! And another hit! POW! And again, BOTH hit again ... yeah she is just POURING hits down on this fucker!

Armour of Agathis! Sweet ... and now she BOOTS the door open! Okay, then ... looking for Joe? That won't work ... so she sends Mister to Joe instead, but not enough movement to make it ... do he just chucks some more flaming shit instead. 12 fire damage AND MISTER GETS THE HDYWTDT?!!! Nice ...

Oh that's just ... he shoots the flaming shit IN THE GUY'S MOUTH ... fuck ... exploding head ... charming ...

Chetney bursts in ... "Hi!" Yeah, that WOULD be terrifying ... and bang ... oh yeah, this guy just gets SPLATTERED!!! Nice ...

Blood Curse of Bloated Agony on the caster? No they're too far away ... crap ...

Mass Healing Word at FIFTH Level! Okay ... everybody gets 10 points back ... Nice one, Letters!

And the Bolt Thrower at the caster ... DOUBLE crit-fails? FUCK!!! It just misfires entirely ...

The caster POLYMORPHS into a big fucking bird and grabs Joe and the other guy? Not fair! Attack of Opportunity! Turn this around! Come on Fearne ...

Moon sickle ... okay WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THAT RIGHT NOW? ONE POINT OF DAMAGE? SERIOUSLY?

At least it's now STUCK IN THE DOORWAY!!! Try again, people? Go, Ashton! Oh, BOOM!!! 23 points of damage! And yet it STILL keeps flying ...

Reckless, and he jumps, WORMHOLE STRIKE?!!! 22 points of damage? The bird pops and ... now EVERYBODY IS FALLING ONTO THE BROKEN FENCE!!! Matt: "And THAT'S where we're gonna go to break!"

And we're back! With Joe Bout to DIE!!! Do something, Ashton! Violent Gateway? Oh fuck ... and he has NO CHOICE in this ... SHIT!!!

Yeah, again this is just CHAOS ... Ashton catches Joe, now Orym's trying to do the same with the other guy ... but he's just a little guy! Is this even gonna work?

15? Hmmm ... 60 feet up ... oh boy ... Bait and Switch ... oh shit, so now ORYM is falling on the fence instead! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Imogen trying to grab them both with her telekinesis ... CAN SHE grab both since Orym has hold of them? Fuck ... wow, oh ... no, instead she's just SHOVING THE FENCE AWAY instead ... so they just crumple and roll instead ...

And now the caster is KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!! Okay ...

So 40 seconds before Ratanish reappears ... TIME TO RUN!!! GO NOW!!!

The other one's a Lagamore? Bunny guy! Okay ...

Oh, they're gonna fight after all? Okay ...

FCG heels Joe a little. It's appreciated ...

FCG: "Dancer, you wanna come smash this guy with your Pussy?" Wow ... Samuel ...

Chetney is holding Inflict Wounds, Imogen's prepping Psychic Lance ... here we go ...

So we're ready?

Oh, so Laudna's summoning her Hound as well. It just DROPS from the ceiling and splats before reforming ...

Ratanish reappears ... and they all go OFF!!!

Chetney unleashes, Laudna casts Blight, FCG casts Scramble the Dead(with modem noises?), Fearne casts Scorching Ray for 3 hits but only ONE actually hits ... plus Mister chucks more flaming shit! Imogen looses her Lance, so he is INCAPACITATED as well as hurt! Orym just slashes at his weapon arm, which he fails so he drops his axe, then stabs him in the leg ... znd THAT'S IT!!! That's the HDYWTDT!!!

Wow, he DROPS Ratsnish so he falls at Ashton's feet ... who just delivers the coup de grace upon him in beautiful style! Nice ...

Well that's that on Ratanish, then ... oh, and the druid failed all his death saves too ... charming ...

Okay, here come Joe's neighbours to check on him ... oh yeah, nice save there, Joe! Way to cover for us ...

Oh, the lagamore is a woman? Okay. Who's this then? Verna the Viper? Interesting ...

So Ashton already knows of her? Okay ... specialises is strange esoteric explosives? Intriguing ...

Don't forget to loot the bodies! Laura is INSISTING!!! Ms Bailey, your Vex is showing again! :3

Oh, spoils! Goody!

Yay! Laudna gets some new bones! XD

They show Joe the harness and Verna is intrigued too ... oh, so they've been put to work by Ratanish after the Solstice? Hmmmm ...

A Brumestone nullifier? Gods ...

TRAVIS GETS A WHISPER!!! What is he learning?

They have a Whisper Sponsor now? Beard Sorcerer? What the hell, Sam?

Wow, cool go-bag, Joe! Yup, time to go! Need to go!

Oh yeah, need to meet Keyleth! What now, then? Need to move ...

Verna know the All Minds Burn? Intriguing ...

Fearne is STEALING SHIT on the way out just like you'd expect her too ... meanwhile Laudna creates a nightmare fuel booby-trap for whoever's coming ...

So where to? Hondir's place? Might be smart ...

Group Stealth Check ... with Pass Without A Trace ... HOT TABLE!!!

Wait, so is Hondir not here either? Hmmmmm ... yeah, he's gone, clearly. Just squatters ... crap ...

So they're staying anyway? Okay ... just resting then while Joe and Verna continue their inspection of the harness ...

Oh, so this would likely NOT be safe to use? Hmmm ... so it's gonna be a question of supplies and equipment ... where to go, then?

More Timothee Chalamet jokes ... XD

Calloway ... oh, so Verna knows Fearne's folks? Interesting ... but perhaps not surprising.

Short rest! Yay!

Residuum? Do they have any left? Hmmm ...

Two weeks ... sounds fair for such a specific job ... OH YEAH!!! Send them to Whitestone! Yes! Percy! Are we poking fun again?

Reverse the Funnel to siphon the power OUT of Ludinus? That's really smart ... would that work?

Is Laudna flirting with Verna a little bit?

"Suck in moon power?" That's a ... worrying idea ...

Ashton and Imogen sneak out to look for Pocket. Asking around ... Persuasion check? With gold for advantage ... nuts, they've gone underground. That complicates things ...

Weird shit? Oh ... yeah, I thought that would be it ... yeah, off to the All Minds Burn ...

Ashton: "Try not to read anybody's mind." Yeah, that is REALLY sound advice here ...

Oh, is this a goliath? Shady Sally? Oh boy ... apparently THIS is a name from Ashton's past ...

Debts to settle? Oh, that doesn't sound good ...

I see ... so she's one of Ashton's old crew, who abandoned him near death ... and he hits her! Okay ... and she catches it. Okay ...

Here we go ... and she FUMBLES completely! Oh boy ... Ashton just flips her on her arse.

Justi! Hey! I love this creepy bitch so much ...

So Ashton is proposing they clear their debt to him by getting the Nobodys back together to help fight against the Ruidus shit ...

Yeah, clearly NONE OF THEM are up to fucking with what Ashton has in HIS mind ...

Ashton's never been this deep in here? Oh, that's worrying ... and masks? Great ... not a scary sign at all ...

Oh yeah, this place is ALL KINDS of wrong ...

She lowers her defences a tiny bit ... a Wisdom save? FUCK ... oh yeah, this is some SCARY ARSE LOVECRAFT SHIT right here ...

"Pus coloured"? For fuck's sake, Matthew ...

A mass of organic matter ... oh boy ...

Yeah, I'm just watching Travis this whole time and he is NOT ENJOYING THIS AT ALL ...

THIS is the All Minds Burn? Oh my gods ...

Fuck ... Imogen, are you SERIOUSLY actually trying to COMMUNICATE with this nightmare fuel?

Ashton admits that his mind would hurt them without him meaning to ... that is interesting in a really worrying way ...

Imogen's memory lane ... sweet experiences intermixed with her most awful moments ... fuck ...

Whoa ... it wants to see the moon? Intriguing ...

The Brood Pit? Dear fucking gods ... "It wants to be seeded." Okay ...

So the idea is, if they go to Ruidus, they take this with them and leave it up there ... riiiiiiiiiight ...

Justi: "It means no harm, it's just ... lonely." Okay then ...

Imogen: "Well, that is NOT what I expected it to be." You don't say, luv ... yeah, Imogen, you really do make some very strange friends sometimes ...

Ashton: "I've spent my entire life taking up space and being ignored, and I've learnt that it's the things you ignore that get you in the end."

Laudna: "It's happened! Ashton's finally abducted Imogen!"

I love how much Imogen is geeking out telling Laudna about what she's just experienced, it's absolutely adorable ...

Stealth check with Pass Without A Trace ... and Marisha still completely TANKS her roll ... blimey ...

SQUIRREL KIKI!!! It's got antlers and everything! Adorable!

The Bloody Bridge? Yeah, that fits ...

So it's chaos, then? Sounds like business as usual in Exandria again.

Yes. Whitestone is the smart move here. Do that.

Introducing Keyleth proper to Joe, Verna and Dancer. Okay ...

Jirana the Shore Shrew ... "Shoo shoo shoo" .. Matt: "I will murder you all." XD

Cool! Tree portal! Always fun ...

Yes! Get in there quick! Go! Stop with the advice Kiki! They go through ... and THAT'S IT for tonight!

[burr-ell]

7 and 12 for CritRole! Reminds me maybe I should answer the ones I got way back that I never got to, lmao.

choose violence ask game

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

This gets long and a bit ramble-y under the cut:

For awhile there—roughly episodes 23-37 of C3—I was really burned out on Laudna. I was not a fan of all the fan-created angst over the gnarlrock fight (a conflict that never felt like it actually got resolved in any meaningful way), but when she died and some people were saying they'd be interested in a narrative where her death was permanent, you'd have thought those people personally shot her. The genuine personal fury that people aimed at fans who said a permanent death might be a worthwhile story was almost alarming. And I think what frustrated me most about it was that from where I was sitting, there were some things about Laudna that I was waiting for Marisha to engage with that she...kind of wasn't, and in some ways still isn't, and I'm hoping that, given Marisha's remarks acknowledging Laudna's arrested development, it's a conscious choice that she's just playing close to the vest.

All that said, I think episodes 38-51 have been a lot better for her. What I think is most intriguing me right now is the Form of Dread in the form of a tree, as well as the ambiguity of Delilah's tether to her. Whitestone as a setting is so uniquely representative of breaking cycles for several characters—that's part of the beauty of it to me—but obviously, Laudna's issues aren't going to go away that easily. I think that more time spent away from Imogen (someone whom Laudna still feels she has to protect) and with Orym (someone who canonically has already worked through a lot of his grief) and Ashton (someone who's really good at pushing her buttons) will help her to start to examine the things she's been running from.

Basically: I'm glad she was brought back, but I also hope this Issylra arc can really give her more to do, because at the moment her story still feels like a lot of potential with little payoff as of yet.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Pelor! I've written about why here, but suffice it to say that I think he gets a bit of a bad rap. He's not always nice, sure, and he's intense, but he's good, and at the end of the day he's kind and one of his principle tenets is to preserve and protect life. (Plus, I like intimidating people! When I bully them and get away with it, I really feel like I've earned it.)