#learn excel for begginer

[ironstrange1991]

Careful What You Wish For

Pairing: Doctor!Strange x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: The reader and Stephen are students at Kamar Taj and when she needs his help with her exams, Stephen makes her an indecent offer.

Word Count: 6,5k

Warnings: SMUT: Dubcon, hate sex (at least in the beggining), handjob, oral sex with male receiving, forced (?) deep throat, umprotected p n v, lost of virginity, mentions of pain and blood, forced (?) creampie.

A/N: It took me a while to finish this fic, but I'm very happy with the result. Hope you like it.

You had been a student at Kamar Taj for no more than a few months when the new guy arrived. You were in the hall and even served him tea at the time, then you left letting the Ancient One and Master Mordo speak to him. However, of course you were peeking behind the curtains listening to the entire conversation. You saw the disrespectful and absurd way in which he addressed the Ancient One and you also saw how she, with all her power and somewhat sadistic humor, put him in his place.

You spent that day studying the old books that Wong had recommended for you and as you did so you heard the incessant knocking on the door and the shouts of "Let me in" or "I have nowhere to go." The situation was funny at first because like the Ancient One, you also had a certain sadistic side, but after hours of that incessant whining you started to feel sorry for the man. He was kinda cute.

When he was allowed to join you and become a student of the mystic arts you decided that you would not make his life easy. Whenever you could, you teased him for being the new guy, for being the guy whose hands could barely conjure mere sparks. During training in the courtyard, The Ancient One always had the two of you train together and you didn't take it easy on him. You might be small, but you were agile. He on the other hand was tall, had a well defined body, not too thin, very muscular, but was extremely slow. Apparently all the years of being an arrogant rich guy had made him soft and you liked seeing him lying on the floor whenever you got the chance.

"Y/n, no messing around. Grab your relics and get into fighting stance." Master Mordo instructed in one of the training afternoons and you chose one of the relics, but when the new guy went to get his, you slapped his hand making him look at you with a mixture of surprise and irritation. He was very handsome when he was angry, his blue eyes darkening with the fury he tried to contain. Wounded pride showing in every line of his furrowed brow.

"You don't deserve a relic yet, old man."

He ran his tongue across the corner of his cheek, clearly annoyed, but decided to play along. "I already told you my name is Stephen Strange."

You shrugged, getting into a fighting stance. "And I already said I don't care. Now be less miserable and conjure a weapon, so I'll feel less bad when I hit you."

He chuckled nervously, making a valiant effort to conjure something that could barely be described as a weapon, but it would have to do because you quickly went in for a blow that he reasonably defended himself from.

You smiled mischievously "You're getting better. I've always believed it's possible to learn through pain."

He clearly didn't like your comment, because he struck a blow at you that you barely have time to defend yourself by creating a shield.

"You don't know anything about my pain." He spat out the words.

Apparently you had hit a nerve. Excellent.

Your relationship with Strange didn't changed much beyond that for a long time, but you liked to think that somehow you were growing inside him, because he was always close even when you didn't necessarily need to be together. Like in the library.

It was as if he always knew the exact time you were in the library and would go there and steal books that were clearly not allowed for someone of his level. Not even at your level.

"You're going to end up with your head in a bucket over this." You said one of those nights while reading under the light of a single candle at the farthest desk in the library.

"Only if you tell on me." He responded, bringing the book under his arm and coming towards you. He threw the heavy book on the table and smiled arrogantly at you. When you looked at the book your eyes widened in complete amazement.

"This book belongs to the Ancient One's collection, are you crazy?"

He pulled out a chair and sat at the desk with you. "Wong said no knowledge is prohibited at Kamar Taj."

You rolled your eyes "Yes, I know that speech, it was exactly that that led Kaecilius to perdition."

Strange stared at you and then at the book. "So this is the book that was stolen."

"If it's in your hand, it's obvious that it wasn't stolen. Only a spell was removed from it. An evil spell that neither you nor I have the slightest idea of ​​what it does."

But it was useless, every word of warning seemed to instigate the man even more. You had been around Strange long enough to know that he was hard-headed and when he put something in his head no one could take it away.

You closed the book you were reading and levitated it to the shelf by moving little more than your fingertips.

"Show off." He scolded as he flipped through the forbidden book.

"If you allow me, I will leave before you do something that’ll get us killed, or worse, expelled."

With that he smiled widely, that must have been the first time you saw him smiling, at least for you.

"Did you just quote Harry Potter? How old are you, twelve?"

You shrugged. "I'm 21 in two weeks, I'll take a gift." You said walking down the hall.

As days went by, it became increasingly clear to you that all that provocation had a much deeper meaning than you wanted to admit. You've never been with a man, in fact you've never even been interested in a man. Your life has always been studying and after you were orphaned after a car accident that killed your parents and almost killed you, you felt lost in the world and found out about Kamar Taj and dedicated yourself one hundred percent to it. That's what you always do, you find a source of interest, become completely obsessed and devote yourself to it until you learn everything you can from it and then move on to another obsession. At that point you were already recognizing the pattern and wondering how far you could go with that obsession with Strange when teasing or pestering him during training seemed to not be enough anymore.

You started teasing him in other ways, wearing robes that were tighter than necessary, shorts and tank tops that were smaller and shorter than allowed, all so he could get a good look at what he was missing. That is, of course, if he had any interest in you in the same way that you had in him. To be honest, you had no idea what you were doing. Provoking him was easy, but seducing wasn't exactly an area you had mastered.

The day before your birthday you were in the kitchen stealing what was left of your cake frosting when Strange caught you in the act. You were only wearing skimpy pajama shorts and a top that barely covered your breasts and bent over as you were, half of your body inside the fridge, you could imagine the image Stephen had of your ass.

"You should be embarrassed." His baritone voice came from behind you and in shock you hit your head on the top of the fridge which made him laugh. That laugh was something new and the way it made your stomach flutter was new too.

You took the pot out of the fridge, but left the door open, illuminating the dark kitchen with a beam of yellow light.

"It's my cake, my birthday, I have the right." You responded by sticking your index finger into the bowl and scooping out a little more of the icing and sticking it in your mouth teasingly taking it out with a loud pop.

You could see him swallowing thickly, his eyes getting darker with what you didn't quite know what it was.

"I'm referring to walking around the Kamar Taj dressed like that."

You shrugged "It's hot in Kathmandu." You made sure to smile mischievously at him. "After all, what are you doing walking around the Kamar Taj at this hour, Strange?" You questioned as if you had any right to it.

He pulled out a chair and sat down. "I can't sleep. My hands are hurting more than usual."

You looked at him for a second, still leaning against the sink with the glass bowl in your hand, trying to think of what to say to him, but ended up opting for the easiest answer.

"You don't expect me to take pity on you and offer to massage your hands or something, right?" You tried to sound sarcastic, but since there was some truth in your suggestion, your voice sounded softer than you would have liked.

"I don't want pity, but a massage would be nice."

“Fuck off” You replied, turning around to put the bowl in the sink and wash your hands, but mostly to hide how red your cheeks had gotten.

He sighed, getting up and mumbling a good night and leaving the kitchen and you stood there wondering if he was really serious or not. In any case, that was absurd, you both didn't have that kind of intimacy.

You ended up as usual in the library, finishing the last chapters of the book that you needed to finish for the end of the year exams. When you joined Kamar Taj, you didn't realize how much theory you would have to learn, you always thought it would be more practice than books and exams, but things weren't exactly as you imagined and you weren't as good at theory as you were in practice. Your memory wasn't like Strange's. The bastard could memorize an entire book in that deranged brain of his, you could barely memorize your own notes. Clearly there was a bargaining chip there, you thought ironically. I massage his hands and he help me study.

You chuckled to yourself thinking how absurd the idea was, but as you read the endless pages of the book that confused you more than clarified the subject, the more tempted you became to actually make the offer to Strange. The best you could get for an answer was no, right?

Finally, you gave up on your studies and put the books back on the shelves and left the library towards the dorms, you were still deciding between going straight to your dorm or knocking on Strange's door when you heard a sound coming from his room. You stopped in front of the door, your hand on the doorknob waiting and then you heard it again, a groan. He must have really been in a lot of pain to be groaning like that. You even felt bad about the way you spoke to him in the kitchen earlier.

You gave up knocking and simply turned the handle and to your surprise the door opened. It was dark inside, but the little light coming from the window made it clear as day what he was actually doing or trying to do and before he noticed your presence another groan escaped his lips followed by a curse "Damn hands. "

You swallowed heavily and closed the door behind you and only then did he notice your presence.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked completely defensively, adjusting himself in the small chair at the desk that could barely contain his entire size in it. At the same time he removed his hand from inside his boxers, but there was an erection there so obvious that the white fabric did little to hide.

"I came to make you an offer, but since you're busy I can come back another time." You answered turning around to leave.

He groaned and in that sound you could feel a little frustration, a little irritation and also some curiosity. “Wait.”

He snapped his fingers and some light bulbs came on. "If you tell anyone what you saw here, I swear I'll kill you." He threatened.

You smirked, "Threatening to kill me isn't the best thing you can do to keep my mouth shut. It's actually the worst thing, since we both know you're no match for me in combat."

He raised an eyebrow challenging you. "I've evolved a lot since I got here, Y/n, don't underestimate me."

You shrugged. "I'm not here to fight, Strange. I came to ask for help with my studies. You know my exams are coming up and I'm not as good in theory as I am in practice. If I do poorly in the exams, The Ancient One won't let me participate in the advanced spell training and I'm really excited to get started...”

"Let me get this straight. You're asking for my help? Is that right?"

You walked over to him and sat on the bed, crossing your arms dramatically. "Unfortunately it's my only option."

He shifted again in his chair and you couldn't help but notice that thing between his legs.

 "So... what do you say?"

"I could help you. The question is whether I want to or not. Let's think about it for a minute. Since I got here you have dedicated yourself to make my life really hard. You are an insufferable brat, you are rude... "

"Okay, I understand. Where are you going with this? Are you going to help me or not?"

Strange smiled mischievously as if suddenly some brilliant idea had crossed his mind. "It will depend on what you’ll give me in return."

Something about that smile made the heat rise to your cheeks again and you swallowed thickly.

"You mentioned early in the kitchen that your hands were hurting. I thought… maybe you wanted a massage or something." Your voice became lower and lower and by the end of the sentence it was almost a whisper.

He hummed, "Something like that." He replied and then sighed heavily.

"Do you know what the big problem with my hands is? I can't jerk off"

You looked at him, completely shocked that he was saying that to you, but you supposed that after teasing him for all that time, he didn't exactly have much respect for you, especially because he must have already noticed that you maintained a certain interest in him.

"And tonight, after you were showing off that ass of yours for me in the kitchen I really needed to jerk off."

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

"You tease me and tease me, but you don't offer anything in return. You keep wearing these indecent clothes and I know it's not because of the heat, but because you want me to look at you. You call me an old man, but I know you love how old I am. So spare me that innocent face of yours because I know you're not innocent."

Actually, you were, but you didn't tell him that. You had never been with a man. Some heated kisses, yes, some touching and teasing, but nothing more than that. The problem was that you played your role too well.

"Are you going to help me or not?" You mumbled.

"Come here." He asked and you hesitated for a moment, but then you gave in and slowly walked towards him, stopping in front of him, waiting for what he would say next.

"I don't want a massage. I need your hands to jerk off. In other words, I want a handjob. A really good handjob and depending on how good it is I might be good and help you pass those exams."

You chewed on your lip. There was a part of you that liked the idea of ​​being intimate with him like that, but another much more conscious part knew how wrong it was. You weren't comfortable with that situation.

"And how exactly is a really good handjob? I need to know my chances here if I'm going to do this."

He smirked. "Let me see your hands. Palms up."

You obeyed.

"They're small, which means you'll have to use both at the same time because, as you can see..." He brought his hands to the sides of his boxers and in a quick movement they were on his knee, freeing his huge dick. "It's very big."

"You're an arrogant idiot, you know that?" You mumbled, unable to hold your tongue in your mouth.

He grabbed one of your hands and brought it to his cock and instinctively you wrapped it around him and it felt so warm and so hard, you didn't imagine it was that hard.

"Come on, you know what to do!" He said, closing his eyes and sighing heavily.

You knelt down to his height and moved your hand up and down, but clearly something was wrong. "Shouldn't it be wet?" You asked innocently, to which he let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I don't have lube. You'll need to use your own spit."

You looked at him in surprise, but he clearly understood your reaction as disgust.

He sighed dramatically, held his own cock by the base and spat on it and then moved his trembling hand spreading the saliva over the entire length. "There. It's wet now."

You grabbed him, determined to end it once and for all. From what you knew, he hadn't had sex for a long time and if you did it right he wouldn't last long.

You started to pump him up and down quickly, but contrary to your plans, he held your hand "Slow down, I want to enjoy myself for a bit."

You sighed doing what he wanted, you used both hands to stroke him slowly making sure to rotate your hands on the way down and making sure to touch his head on the way up. It was your first time doing that, but you weren't a saint, you had already watched porn and remembered some things and by the way he started to squirm, barely able to stay still in the chair, you could tell you were doing something right.

He started to moan too, at first low and then louder and soon some words began to escape his lips as if he was unable to contain them.

"Fuck Y/n, you really know what you're doing, don't you? Oh I missed this, it's been so long!"

You couldn't hide from yourself that his words seemed to move you, it was almost as if you could feel a warmth in your chest, a surge of pride at being praised by him and more than that, you felt your panties getting wet.

There was no point trying to hide that you were enjoying this. Deep down you always imagined yourself in some kind of erotic scenario with Strange. Alone in your small room, you found yourself thinking about him and he was right, you teased him to try to get some reaction from him. You just never imagined things would happen this way, but you were too involved in it to care.

You watched in delight as how much of that sticky liquid came out of his tip the more you stimulated him, and you also realized that you liked the noises that your hands jerking him made, not to mention his moans that got louder and louder. The next thing you knew, you were squeezing your thighs together and he only didn't notice because he had leaned his head back and kept his eyes closed, but when an involuntary moan escaped your lips he looked at you intently with a grin in his lips.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you? You dirty little brat!"

You couldn't maintain eye contact with him, so you kept your eyes on his cock, noticing every vein, every detail of that cock that was the first one you had the chance to see up close.

You spat on his cock and continued your work without responding to his provocation, but he wasn't willing to let it go.

"Look at me."

You did what he asked somewhat reluctantly.

"I want your mouth, sweetheart."

You looked at him in surprise, not because of what he asked, but because of the way he referred to you and especially because of how it made you feel.

"I... I don't know how to do it." You replied and he smirked.

"I find that hard to believe."

You looked away feeling your face even hotter. Was it really possible that you had played your role so well that you managed to make the man you were interested in believe you were a whore? You were not. You weren't even close to that, but now it was too late to try to change his opinion about you.

"Tell me how you like it." You asked, disguising your inexperience.

"Deep in the throat. That's how I like it. But I'll take what you give me. Just use this mouth of yours for something more productive than talking shit."

You were slightly offended and bothered by the way he was treating you. Despite everything, in your fantasies he was always kind, but you tried not to let that show and opened your mouth as much as you could and he stuck his head in and instinctively reached his hand up to your head and grabbed a handful of your hair. "Use your tongue, swirl it in the head."

You did exactly as he asked and felt his hold on your hair tighten. He started to push your head down, forcing you to take him deeper and deeper until you gagged and tears ran down your face.

"That's how I like it." He took his cock out of your mouth and held your chin making you look at him. "There's nothing like a good cock to tame a brat, right sweetheart?"

You swallowed the saliva you had gathered in your mouth and nodded obediently.

"You can take a little more, can't you?"

You nodded.

"Good girl. Open your mouth really wide, I'm going to go deeper this time, okay?"

You just nodded again, apparently that was all you could do, obey his commands even if you didn't agree with them. You felt as he pushed his cock deeper and deeper into your mouth, entering your throat until you could no longer breathe. Automatically you grabbed his thighs and started pushing to try to get away from him, but he didn't let you go.

"It's okay. Just breathe through your nose" He cooed. You had never heard that tone of voice from him, at least not when he was talking to you, but a part of you liked it.

You did as he ordered, but the sensation was no less uncomfortable when you felt him going down your throat. Your gag reflex was horrible and soon you were crying profusely as streams of saliva ran down your mouth as he continued thrusting against your throat.

"Look at you, you're crying on my dick, sweetheart. Do you have any idea how beautiful this is?"

You pushed his thigh again and tried to lift your head and this time he allowed it.

He continued holding your hair though and wiped the tears from your cheeks.

"Not such a bully now, are you?"

You were feeling overwhelmed, your voice refused to come out and there was a secret part inside you that was loving the feeling of being used, even when you knew deep down that it was wrong.

He stood up and pulled you up too. "Let's make a deal. I'll touch you now and if you're dry I'll let you finish with the handjob and we'll stop here..."

You stared at him, fully aware of the mess that was between your legs.

He smirked, pleased with your reaction and continued explaining "...but if you're wet... Oh sweetheart, if you're wet, I'll fucking ruin you."

When his hand slipped into your shorts and panties your legs were shaking and could barely support you standing. You knew you should tell him the truth, that you should stop it while there was still time, but you couldn't. You were paralyzed. Physically your body was having positive reactions, you were soaking wet between your legs, you were ready to take him. But mentally you were a mess. This wasn't what you imagined for your first time. It wasn't how it should be.

"Oh I knew it! I could smell it on you. Your arousal... such a sweet smell."

You placed your hand over his hand "Strange... I don't know..."

"Shhh, it's okay.  I think you can call me Stephen now."

He moved his middle finger through your folds and circled your clit making your hips move involuntarily against his hand. He brought his face closer to yours and for a minute you thought he was going to kiss you, but instead he whispered in your ear. "You always wanted this, right? All the teasing was because you wanted me. I bet you've already touch yourself thinking about me, haven't you?"

You didn't respond, but when he took two fingers inside you, you winced feeling a sting deep inside. He didn't seem to notice.

"Tell me." He insisted.

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"I always wanted you." You whined.

He hummed "I'm here now. I'm going to give you what you've always wanted."

With that he bent you over the desk and pulled your shorts and panties down to your knees and you could hear him spitting into his hand.

"Stephen...w-wait..."

He spread his saliva at your entrance and you clung as best you could to the edges of the small wooden desk bracing yourself for what was to come.

He didn't say anything, he just buried himself inside of you with a strong, firm thrust and it was done. All the fantasies, all the expectations around it disappeared in a second, giving way to pain, a tearing sting that brought tears to your eyes, but you didn't make a sound.

He groaned in pleasure, but in confusion too and then stopped altogether. When he spoke again his voice sounded low and slightly nervous.

"Were you a fucking virgin? Really?"

You let out the breath you were holding in small puffs, "I t-tried to tell you."

He pulled out and turned you around to face him. "You didn't tell me shit. How was I supposed to know?!"

You wiped the tears from your eyes "It's no big deal okay? I should have resolved this a long time ago, I just never found..." You bit your tongue before you said too much. You had already given him too much power over you that night.

Stephen ran a hand nervously through his mouth. "We'd better stop this here." He stated, but you held his hand.

"Stephen... it's no big deal. I want this. Just... do it."

He held your face between his huge, shaking hands and stared into your eyes and you could see all the certainty in him slipping away but you had to keep going. If you stopped now it would be too humiliating.

"Stephen, please." You whispered.

 "You stupid little brat!" Stephen said with a heavy sigh and then kissed you. An angry and desperate kiss. A clash of lips, tongues and teeth mixed with the hums that escaped your throats.

In one quick movement he picked you up, bride style, eliciting a gasp from your lips.

"What are you doing?"

He walked over to his bed and laid you carefully on the pillows.

"If we're going to do this, sweetheart, let's do it right."

You watched as he got rid of his tee and found yourself analyzing every inch of his body. He was so beautiful, his defined chest and abdomen, his strong arms, his hands... you lost count of how many times you stared at his hands while your mind conjured up the dirtiest scenarios possible.

"Like what you see?" He asked arrogantly and you couldn't help but roll your eyes, it was stronger than you. "If I didn't like it I wouldn't be here."

"I thought you were here to offer me a deal." He smirked grabbing your shorts and panties that were still tangled around your knees and pulling them off. He threw them on the floor, staring at you with a damn arrogant smile on his lips. "Give up being a brat, this behavior doesn't suit virgins."

You felt the heat returning to your cheeks, but you didn't have time to think of a response because he climbed onto the bed and came on top of you, your legs parted so he could settle between them and before you could understand what he was doing, his lips were on your belly as he lifted the tank top you were wearing and continued his assault on your skin. He kissed and bit you while lifting your top exposing your breasts. He caught your nipple in his mouth, sucking it with newfound passion. A low moan escaped your lips while he did it and you moved your hips up involuntarily. He hummed pleased with your response.

"Stephen...please."

He moved his lips up to your neck, sucking a bruise on your sensitive skin. The touch of his goatee making your entire body shiver. He continued moving his mouth up, nibbling on your earlobe, breathing heavily into your ear on purpose while grinding his hard dick against your uncovered pussy.

"Tell me what you want." He whispered.

But instead of answering him, you surrendered to your fear and asked. "Will it hurt more?"

He cupped your face. "The worst part is over, but I'll take it slow now, I promise."

You shook your head. "No. Just do whatever you have to do until you make me feel good."

He grabbed your chin with more force than you would expect and used his other hand to direct his cock to your entrance and kissed you as he entered you again, going all the way in. You felt the same sting deep in your belly, but it hurt less this time, however the discomfort of having him inside you was something you still needed to get used to. He was big and even though he wasn’t moving you could feel his dick pulsing inside you. It was an strange sensation.

"Now move with me." He asked, grabbing your thigh and wrapping your leg around his waist and with that going even deeper. The movements began, he thrusted slowly but hard and you clung to him, your arms wrapped around his torso, nails biting against the skin of his back as you tried to imitate his movements.

The whole time his lips didn't leave your lips, your chin, your neck. He kissed and bit everywhere he could reach and in between his kisses he let out moans and groans and little praises.

"Oh fuck, this little virgin pussy feels so good... so tight."

You didn't imagined how much of the sexual response was much more physiological than a conscious thing. Before you even knew it your body was moving beneath his with much more desire and the pain and discomfort were replaced by a type of pleasure that was much stronger than the one you got when touching yourself in your room. Each thrust from Stephen triggered a new wave of desire and suddenly what he was giving you didn't seem to be enough, you wanted him all inside you, you wanted him to merge with you until it was no longer possible to know where one ended and the other began.

"Oh my god... it feels so good." You moaned against his lips as you wrapped both legs around his waist, crossing your feet behind his back and trapping him there.

"Yeah? My cock feels good inside you. Isn't that right, sweetie?"

“Uh hum” was all you could respond, but it was enough to inflate Stephen’s ego even more and he groaned loudly in response, gripping the headboard and you couldn’t tell how, but you knew he was close. There was something about the way his eyes were fixed on yours, his breathing became faster, his movements more irregular and in the midst of your bliss you were still able to reason "Stephen... I'm not taking anything."

But your words didn't have the effect you expected, on the contrary, he seemed to become even more determined to finish. His mouth fell open, loud moans and grunts escaping straight from his throat and his thrusts became even harder and faster.

"You're being such a good girl for me. Letting me fuck your pussy raw. I think I'll make it up to you." He rested his forehead on yours and continued. "I'm going to fill you with my cum and you're going to take all of it, won't you?"

You shook your head, but he shushed you.

"Of course you will. I'll leave you leaking my cum for days so you remember what you get for being a good girl. Who knows, maybe you'll come back for more?"

"But... we can't..."

He thrusted even harder against you and your mouth went agape with the feeling forming in the pit of your stomach. You knew you were close, but at the same time it was unlike anything you had ever felt. I was stronger and it seemed to come from much deeper inside you.

"Of course we can. Going to fuck a baby inside you, sweetheart. I know you will look beautiful carrying my baby."

 Your pussy fluttered at those words. How was it possible for you to feel that way? You knew you couldn't let him do that, but you didn't have the strength to fight him when your body was against you. The tension inside your stomach increased and you were so close, all you needed was a small push to fall and surrender to your climax.

"S-Stephen... I'm gonna cum. Oh my... shit."

He kept his pace holding on to the headboard to put more strength into his thrusts while with his other hand he grabbed your chin making you look at him.

"Look at me, Y/n. I want to see it happening. Show me how good my cook is making you feel."

"So good... cock feels so good inside me. I am so lucky." You muttered, barely aware of your own words. "I need to cum. Let me cum... Please..."

He smirked, surely satisfied with your total submission. "You can cum, sweetheart. Do it now."

The tension exploded within you with an intensity you had never experienced before. Unlike every time you came, the sensation was not concentrated in your clit, but came from the inside out, making your entire body shake and tears accumulate at your waterline.

"There you go." Stephen stopped thrusting, watching you with a victorious smile on his lips and then kissed you, a wet kiss, full of lust and desire. Fuck, he was such a good kisser. You felt yourself melting on his lips.

He groaned at your lips and, against your will, you felt him spilling inside you. You knew you should fight it, but in your state of pure bliss you couldn't find the strength within yourself to even try.

He broke the kiss only to lower his lips to your neck where he sucked a bruise too visible for you to hide with your robes. But you knew that was exactly his intention. He wanted to claim you. Showing you that from that moment on you were his and no matter how absurd it might seem, you liked the idea. In fact, that was exactly what you wanted.

He rolled to the side when he was finished, his breathing slowly returning to normal and you lay there feeling the weight of everything that had happened, disbelief and shame finally taking over you. You were suddenly terribly self conscious about lying naked on Strange's bed while his cum dripped from your violated pussy.

In the middle of your internal debate you decided to get up, but you were interrupted by Strange who held your arm and asked with some disbelief. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To my room. I... I think I need a shower."

He cupped your face smirking "Wait here. I'll clean you up."

You waited for him motionless on the bed, your heart beating so hard you could hear it pounding in your ears. You heard the sounds coming from the bathroom, he had left the door open and the room was too small so you couldn't hear him. He peed and wash himself and then came back a few minutes later with a towel in his hands and went back to bed. He cleaned you gently, the towel was wet with warm water and it felt good although the whole situation was extremely embarrassing.

"I'll help you with your studies." He said when he finished what he was doing. "You can wait for me in the library after dinner, but you can't rely on that alone to pass your exams. You need to read. That's what works for me. Hours of reading."

You sat on the bed and stared in disbelief at the small stain of blood on the white sheet. Your face blushed so hard you needed to look the other way.

"I shouldn't have done what I did, Y/n. I had no idea you were a virgin. I'm so sorry. I imagine it wasn't what you expected your first time to be."

You shook your head. "I always wanted it to be you." You confessed, staring at your hands. "You're right. I have feelings for you. That's why I tease you... so you'll notice me."

He sighed, but there was a certain tenderness in his eyes that you had never seen before.

"And do you want this to continue, or it’ll be a one-time thing?" Stephen asked and for a second you could see expectation in his eyes, as if he was waiting a long time for the answer he wanted to hear.

"I don't know, Strange. Do you want it to continue?"

He smirked looking away and then he nodded. "Yes. I want to do it again. And you can keep calling me Stephen. I think it's the most normal thing after I took your virginity."

You felt the heat running down from your cheeks to your neck.

"You look beautiful all red like that." He smiled at you. "I always thought you were beautiful, Y/n."

He came closer and cupped your face and kissed you. Soft and calm for the first time. Your lips moved in sync and somehow this kiss felt even more intimate than the others. When he broke the kiss there was a passionate smile on his lips.

He sighed getting up. "Feel free to use the bathroom. I'll change the sheets so we can sleep."

You did as he suggested, hiding in the bathroom while he disappeared with the evidence of your lost innocence. You took the opportunity to wash your face with clean water and went back to the room. He was already lying down and patted the mattress for you to join him. You picked up his tee that was on the floor and put it on and then lay down on the bed next to him. He pulled you into his arms and you both fell silent.

I need to know that you're okay, Y/n" He said.

You nodded. "I'm fine. Really." You glanced at him for a moment and then smiled. "You can call me sweetheart whenever you want. It's terribly cute." You teased.

He pinched your cheek "As you wish, sweetheart. Now let's try to sleep. We need to wake up early for training tomorrow. Promise you'll be good to me."

Your smirked “I’ll try.”

Reblog please! Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing!

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🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻

My SydCarmy fics MASTERLIST

Carmen Berzatto just stood there in front of her and didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. -Copenhagen He was reduced to a bunch of boneless matter with a heartbeat that only existed because she laid her dark eyes on it. -Après ce, la liberté

At that moment, she realized that her favorite place on Earth was right there, standing 334 feet above the ground, nestled in his chest. -Ponte degli Innamorati

🐻 Slowburn >>> They win a Michelin Star and Carmy confesses his love for Sydney.

🐻 Larrabe >>> Syd moves to her own place, they win a Michelin star and “celebrate”. Luca and Claire also make an appearance here.

🐻 Pasta >>> Carmy & Syd cook together, then eat each other and then there’s this invisible string they discover has always linked them in a sense. Mikey is also mentioned here.

🐻 Heart >>> Carmy goes to therapy to get in touch with his true feelings and Syd tries to deny hers, which explains her ❤️ tattoo.

🐻 Hint >>> Claire reflects on her breakup with Carmy.

🐻 Sunset >>> Carmy must make a choice. Are actions ultimately more important than words?

🐻 Pillow >>> Syd and Carmy open their X files. Not what you think. Now part of a collection alongside "Chef Talk".

🐻 Après >>> Carmy hits rock bottom. Love is an act of mirroring.

🐻 Chef>>> Sydney realizes that Carmy has an uncanny resemblance to a celebrity who features in a steamy CK ad. Claire makes a brief cameo here because "maybe" she always falls for the wrong guy. Now part of a collection alongside "Pillow Talk".

🐻 Madame >>> Sydcarmy is written in the starts but they need a little nudge. Love is in the air but they're fire!

🐻 Stella >>> Stella Bear, the heiress, is here. Now part of a collection alongside "Madame Stardust".

🐻 Shark >>> They get married in secret and honeymoon in Barbados where she starts calling him "Bear".

🐻 Ponte >>> They renew their vows in Italy on their 1st Anniversary. Now part of a collection alongside "Shark Hole".

🐻 Focus>>> Sydney finds out Carmy has been drawing Sistine Chapel-level sketches of her.

🐻 Dreams >>> They have wet dreams about each other simultaneously.

🐻 Tucson >>> Carmy goes to rehab because he almost checks himself out of life permanently and learns to use his words, Syd grows too fond of this new Carmy.

🐻 She's not you >>> Claire was great and scared the shit out of Carmy, but she was no Sydney Adamu.

🐻 Beggin' >>> It's a pseudo-songfic, an experiment, a blurb, a rarity, a little cannoli with mortadella mousse and pistachios that links Carmy, Syd, Donna, and others to this song that I love because I feel it just fits.

🐻 Chococookies >>> Auntie Syd and Uncle Carmy babysit little Bianca and Carmy also babysits Syd when she has a severe case of baby blues 🍪🍪🍪

🐻 Sydney’s secret >>> Carmy holds on to one of Sydney’s most personal items and loses his mind, but turns out Syd had a different take on his “madness”.

🐻 Mother of Victory >>> Donna had to die. Austenianly, of course. Now part of a collection alongside "Chococookies".

🐻 The new Berzattos >>> Syd & Carmy are raising a new family, and now The Bear is gonna be a big brother to this new cub Syd is "cooking". Now part of a collection alongside "Mother of Victory".

🐻 Rain >>> Syd kisses the words right out of Carmy's mouth. Chococookies'prequel. Now part of a collection alongside "Mother of Victory". 🍸🍸

🐻 Last clause >>> Syd and Carmy get a divorce and she gets The Bear. The city of Love might play an important part here. Now part of a collection alongside "Sunset clause".

🐻 Every second counts >>> Victor Emmanuel Berzatto, "The Cub", thanks his parents for having taught him the most valuable lesson of them all. Now part of a collection alongside "Mother of Victory".

🐻 3:10 >>> Carmy pushes himself harder than ever and demands excellence from his crew, they do their best to match his intensity. He does this for Sydney and for Sydney only.

🐻 6 Letters >>> Syd and Carmy say the wrong names in bed when they are fucking their respective partners.

🐻 Play >>> Carmy gets too playful with Syd's braids ;)

🐻 Cupid >>> Syd breaks Cupid's heart 💔.

🐻 More often 🛋>>> Syd falls asleep on Carmy's new leather sofa and wakes up in his bed.

🐻 Unicorn >>> Uncle Carmy & Aunty Syd confess that they could potentially have a whole soccer team of kids if only they'd find the right "partner" to do that with 🦄

🐻 Copenhagen >>> Carmy fucks up big time, as usual, and Syd leaves him but comes back to him over and over, teaches him to speak again, nurses him back to life and Carmy fights her every step of the way because he feels he doesn't deserve her, but ultimately it's her call, not his. 🌁

🐻 Blood 🤐 >>> The Bear goes down the classic broke chef-male stripper-awarded chef pipeline and Syd gets a lapdance.

🐻 His pesto 🌱>>> Carmy cooks for Syd and they end up eating each other.

🐻 Letting go >>> Syd is pondering Shapiro's offer. Carmy feels he already lost her and is not about to beg her to stay.

🐻 Bond, Jane Bond 🧨>>> Syd makes a change of regime and Carmy is her Sous. People die in this one.

🐻 The Fairest Creatures Collection >>> Thom Browne offers Carmy and Syd to be the bodies of his new fashion campaign.🪺🪽🪶🦚

🐻 Watermelon Sugar 🍉🍹💕>>> Tina comes up with a love potion based on watermelon and it works wonders on Carmy.

🐻 #Sydcarmychefkiss 🤌💋 >>> Syd and Carmy are judges in a reality show and they have their own fanbase who ships them. Carmy donates part of his profits to charity.

🐻 The Marcusgate 💵💵💵>>> Marcus competes for a million dollars, Carmy finds out Syd has cooked dinner for the pastry Chef and doesn't take it that well.

🐻 Forever 🌟>>> Carmy & Syd get tattoos. Syd is not worried about the competition. 🐻

🐻 The Fix >>> Fixing S3's awful season finale. Carmy shows up a Sydney's apartment and comforts her after her panic attack. 🐻❤️

🐻 Sunday morning >>> Syd and Carmy have loooots of morning sex because Syd is insatiable and Carmy ends up cooking breakfast between her legs. 🌅

🐻 Nothingness >>> Carmy finds a letter from Mikey in an old jacket and falls apart, but Syd is there to break his fall. 💔

🐻 Do-over >>> This time Carmy doesn't ditch Sydney and they cross all the lines. 🍝

🐻 Venice >>> Syd and Carmy go on this romantic trip to Venice and end up almost breaking up. 💔 Part 2 of a larger fic that is actually part of an even larger saga, and my first collab.

🐻 Vegas >>> Syd and Carmy pretend to be newlyweds in Las Vegas and end up spending a real romantic weekend. Part 1 of a larger fic that is actually part of an even larger saga, and my first collab. ♥️♣️♠️♦️

🐻Petrichor >>> Syd reads the farewell letter her late mother wrote for her, and it helps her make a life-changing choice. 🌧️ 🔥

🐻 Uma >>> Syd is the working mom of this little girl who is a perfect blend of Carmy and herself, and that, in a completely mind-bending twist of fate, inherited her uncles Richie´s & Mikey´s punk personalities. This is my first cross-over FF, The Bear / Abbott Elementary, set in Philly. 🖍️🧸🦄

🐻 Back Home >>> Carmy flies back home, and home is where his ❤️ is, but turbulence follows him wherever he goes. ✈️

Remember to Reblog and recommend if you like it and comments are always welcome on AO3 because more often than not I get inspo from them, seeing as I have the best Sydcarmy readers out there!

XOXO

💋

[tower-girl-anon]

Asteroid Memoria (1247) in the sign and houses

Hello everyone! I apologize for the long absence along with the on and off vibe given these last couple of months. As a little resume, this year hasn't been the easiest in terms of emotions and health, but, after a period of struggle, a kind of balanced footing has been found these days so there is hope to get back on track with sharing more astrological posts. It won't be the same as it was at the beggining of the year or the last one, but I will try to keep it moving.

After saying this, now I have come with another asteroid post that could be interesting to know and that is Memoria (1247), which, in english, means memory.

This asteroid in the natal chart could represent on how does our memory work and what things our memory tend to keep so, in this post, I will describe how does our memory work based on sign and house placement.

As always, take what resonates, enjoy it, and don't copy this post without giving proper credits to the owner. So let's get into it.

Aries/1st house These natives have a very quick mind. Depending on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, this sign and/or placement could grant the native with the ability to memorize everything quickly and with ease, so much so that they could be known for their amazing ability of retaining information. This could describe perfectly of those people who only study a few ours before an exam and still get an excellent grade despite the lack of prior study. Despite this, the retain of information can dissapear from their minds as quickly as it came. Remembering past actions, violent episodes, and peoples faces or bodies could be some of the things that they tend to remember the most. They don't usually shy away of sharing the things they remember.

Taurus/2nd house Depending on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, this sign and/or placement could indicate a person who needs time and hard work to retain information on their memory. Despite this, once they learn, live some experiences, or study hard, they don't tend to forget what they learned. They don't tend to make the same mistake twice and their ability is not usually shared with others if this asteroid falls in the second house. Mathematics, finances, hard-work experiences, fashion, cooking recipes, and art could be some of the topics they tend to remember the most.

Gemini/3rd house Depending on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, this asteroid under the sign and/or house of the communicative Gemini could signal a person who has a strong and quick memory. This person can remember almost everything, especially things that has been writen or said out loud, that is why they never, or almost never, have a problem with school grades. Maybe they can grasp conversations or situations that are happening in another part of the room. For example, they could be studying but, a few steps away, there is a couple who are talking and they can remember both the information of what they are reading and the conversation that is taking place a few metres away. Goosip, texts, and knowledge are some of the things they tend to remember the most.

Cancer/4th house This individual has a very selective memory; they prefer to keep on their head or mind the memories which created some emotional impact in their lifes. Of course, the strength of this memory depends on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart, but, in general, these natives they tend to keep on their memory everything related to their emotions such as family, their home, chilhood, friends, etc., and every emotional reaction that came from those memories. If they formed an emotional connection with somebody, then they will never forget them. For better or for worse, every pain and joy in their lives will be safely kept in their memories.

Leo/5th house The memories of these natives are very selective; they don't tend to retail especific details, but are very good on remembering the general or most important information of a situation. Of course, as I've said on every other sign and placement, the strength of this memory depends on other aspects such as the house or aspects of the planet ruler in the natal chart. What they tend to remember the most are not only the most important information of every subject, but also things related to their childhood, their creativity, and the things that make them feel important. For example, if they have a hobbie or a topic that they really love, they would remember most things they learn from those things rather than from other topics that they are not interested. If they date, maybe they will be able to remember all the details of their exes. The same can apply to the celebrities they follow.

Virgo/6th house The memory of these natives are very unique. When it comes to remember things, this natives can remember almost everything that has been said and done, no matter the topic, or, in case there are some conflicting energies between this asteroid or its ruler to other planets in the chart, there are capable to recount conversations and facts so detailed about them or others that many could feel surprised. It is like, if they remind you of something you said and, in return, you ask them of when did you say that, they could tell you with almost every detail of the place, hour, date, or situation along with the almost the same words you used. This ability is really helpfull in careers that need especific or careful procedures such as medicine or engineer.

Libra/7th house These natives are very good at remembering things related to other people. No matter if the people they met were good or bad; if they had good intentions towards them or not; if they stayed for long or not; no matter what circumstances, these natives will remember them. Of course, it will depend on other aspects if their memory is strong or not, but, if you impressed them, then they will remember you. These natives are more prone to remember the actions of other people and their appearence rather than words. No matter if they are family, romantic partners, friends, or whatever, if those people were bad or unjust towards them or towards other, they will remember it and take note of who to trust or consider a good person. The same applies to those people who treated them better.

Scorpio/8th house For those who have this asteroid under the intense sign of Scorpio, your memory could either be very good or very bad. It will depend on many things, including aspects of the ruler of the sign or house to the rest of the chart, but since Scorpio or the eight house rules the intense place of the underworld, the taboo, the sexual side, among many things, these individuals could have a detailed memory when it comes to these topics. Maybe they can even remember past lives or bring back hidden traumas from other lifetimes. If they experienced trauma in this lifetime, they could either remember the experience very well or they could shut it down completly in a way that they may forgot about it. In any case, these natives will prefer to keep their memories private. Intense experiences (be it physical, love, sexual, spiritual, or related to money) could be the main thing they remember.

Sagittarius/9th house A very good placement for students, travellers, explorers, or people who likes to learn new lenguages. This placement is ideal, unless there are some other aspects in the chart that block this energy, because it allows these natives to gain more information and keep it in their minds with ease. It doesn't seem to be a limit on the capacity to retain things in their memories but, despite this, they could be prone to remember knowledge better than other things like familiar or romantic stuff. Along with that, they could be prone to learn more general details rather than detailed ones since their excitement for knowledge could make them impatient when it comes to spend more time knowing extra details

Capricorn/10th house The life lessons are the most important element to keep in the memory for those individuals who have this asteroid under this sign or placement. Rather than knowledge, they prefer to remember their career or path through life; their lessons and achievements; the obstacles and setbacks they had to face in order to reach the state or placement in which they are now; all that has to do with life experiences. They could be prone to remember old family stories or stories that elder people tell them. History could be a subject in whic their memories work better or, at least, feel more enthusiastic abut it. A downside of this aspect or placement could be a complication of their memory once they start growing older. Somehow, their memory could be a huge element that could affect their career path.

Aquarius/11th house This is an interesting placement for sure. It is not about these natives of being fixed on certain memories or not having a good memory. On the contrary, if there is something that captures their attention and is important to preserve it in their memory, then they can remember it with a huge ammount of detail. This group of people could be the type, in the case that they have bad aspects that could create problems to their memory, to remember something out of the sudden and then forget it the next second. The things they could remember the most are friends, things that happens in their social circle, things they see or learn through internet, or news related to things that affects others in general.

Pisces/12th house These individuals have a curious memory, but full of potential when it comes about reaching or recieving downloads of memories through spiritualism, tarot, and dreams. At some points, their memory can get foggy since it may look as if they are unable to remember what others told them or to remember a lot of details. In a way, they could remember the things they needed to do at night, when they are about to go to sleep, or just at random times. Despite this difficulties, that others may refer to as lack of concentration, they have a strong intuition. They may remember things from past lives, being that memories or abilities, but they may not always know it. Sometimes, it is just an intuitive feeling rather than a conscious recollection. Dreams, art, and spiritualism could be some of the topics that they remember the most.

[guaxinimraccoon]

Less an ask and more a comment, but I'll make it into an ask. I personally think I would love to be around little borrower tinies but my general vibe (especially while unmedicated) would be extra repulsive to them. It's the ADHD energy of never sitting still, always pacing, or leg bouncing, shifting my weight back and forth, being Loud, etc. Do you think any of your human (or non-canonly human) OCs would fit into this category? How do you think little folks would handle it?

Oh that's so lovely, we don't bring up mental conditions often enough in g/t scenarios (at least not that I'm aware of) and I think it's so important and interesting to show the difficulties of having to adapt to one's behaviours in g/t stories. It makes everything more interesting, not only we have the size barrier, but also the mental condition barrier, be it on that G's or t's side.

I don't believe mental condition habits would be repulsive at all! For the smaller fellas, it'd be part of the whole deal of having to adapt to the size difference, not so different for the big fella who also has to be more careful around them. It's all a process of adaptation and having fun with it!

Talking about OC's, I think human Toby would fit into this category coming to think about it, it would make soooo much sense if he had ADHD lol.

He'd definitely help Brad to move to someplace, like idk, to the top of the fridge and forget his friend is there and leave the room. And then Brad would be like "eh bud I didn't bring my rope- TOBY WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING I'M STILL HERE" I guess it'd take awhile for them to overcome this

Brad would probably feel like Toby's too dangerous to be around in the beggining, not only he's big but also forgetful and, in his perspective, unecessarily loud. But overall, it's all part of the package of befriending a giant. Toby's still nice, chill and friendly, he likes to be around him and seeing that he's trying his best motivates Brad to stay. The big dude may forget that his tiny pal was on his hand and start looking for him everywhere (making Brad inevitably laugh at it), but they have a excellent dynamic and Brad wouldn't change anything on his friend.

It'd be soooo angsty (I'm a bitch for that, I'm sorry) if Toby felt self conscious about the whole situation too. He can't help but notice Brad flinching when he talks too loud and paces around the house, making him wonder why his tiny bud keeps visiting him when he's such a mess to be with. He'd be extra careful, extra conscious, but just like Brad, be more chill eventually about it.

The habits won't stop, Brad learns to not be afraid of them. Brad will take some time to stop flinching, but Toby will do his best to keep his voice low and pay attention to where his friend is.

AND once they're all good with that, Brad will definitely enjoy being bounced up and down on Toby's knee, is like a mechanical bull for him. All the while Toby being "you're the weirdest, c'mon, come to the table" and Brad like "DON'T TOUCH ME I'M A COWBOY AND THIS IS MY INDOMITABLE STALLION" and then Toby "lmaoo I'm not even thinking abt it dude wtff"

[irregulartheclockworker]

Hello!

Idk how to write this lol. But I've come to say that you've been an art inspiration for me since I was in high school freshman year and now I'm in college trying to get a degree in the medical field😭 Recently, I got back into some hobbies and passions which includes art. So I was wondering if you have any art tips or things you've used to improve drawing that way I can make fanart :D If not, then I just wanted to drop my appreciation!

What.

what?? ;-;)/

Just saw this .

I am... shocked

.surprised....

Woah

I

Blushes

A

I Dunno what to say. For a moment I was so shocked I thought you made a mistake.

If not...well.uh thank you do much! :'3

The only advice I can give you is to try to keep practicing not matter was others tell you. ( Trust me, you will hear a lot of bullshit)

But most of all try to enjoy it / have fun. There is no point in any field of you can not take it too seriously. I wish I had realized sooner, maybe I would have started practicing and enjoying myself sooner while I was not such an old person.

If you can assist to art classes or small courses to learn / practice do it.

I am mostly self thaught so you can actually see my trial and errors...(.and horrors at anatomy...or perspective..) .I need to practice and learn that still lol.

I am trying to have free time to assist to art courses but unfortunately my real job..( in the medical field) keeps me very busy.

I have found some very good tutorials and artist on you tube: NIro and kuroshiro are excellent....( I sill have have a hard time deciphering steps/ or the reason they do stuff)

Also bought myself basic books over time.:

Artist master series

https://pdfcoffee.com/artists-master-series-color-and-light-compressed-1-3-pdf-free.html

Color and light :( read this one first)

Begginer guide to digital painting is my most. Recent purchase and it is very good , it has a step by step tutorial on photoshop ( which helps you on most program) I don't own a copy on pdf...but I think you can find it...

Thank you so much for your kind words.

And sorry for my English. It has come to my attention that I don't have much respect over such language uwu

[mpscreport]

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[annarellix]

Two Little Souls by B.R. Spangler (Detective Casey White #9)

Two children clutch each other tight, huddled together on a tiny raft and shivering in the ocean wind. Fear fills their matching hazel eyes. Slowly, little Tommy whispers: “We saw them kill Mommy and Daddy.”

Detective Casey White’s heart shatters when she finds Tabitha and Tommy Roth, just three and six years old, drifting alone on a raft off the coast of the Outer Banks. The children witnessed the murder of their own parents before escaping on a life raft. As Casey clutches them tight she promises to fight for justice. Combing the coastline Casey finds an abandoned yacht, the broken bodies of a man and woman on board. Ransacking the boat for clues, when Casey sees Sara Roth’s police ID badge her blood runs cold. The children’s mother was a detective from another state. But who would want to tear apart this beautiful family? Casey soon learns that Sara was tracking down a dangerous murderer who dressed their victims up like dolls. As Sara closed in on the killer, was she silenced forever? When the body of a young woman perfectly arranged like a doll is found on a nearby beach—her lips and fingernails painted crimson, her hair perfectly combed—Casey is certain that whoever murdered the Roths is now stalking the Outer Banks. With local women terrified and the whole community desperate for answers, Casey is on the trail of the most twisted killer of her career.

But the closer she gets to the truth, the more danger little Tommy and Tabitha are in…

Buy link: https://geni.us/B0C3VYXLJDsocial

My Review: When you are part of a blog tour you know that you are requested to post your review on certain date. This means having read the book and have the blog post ready. Life happens and sometimes even the best scheduling can fail so yesterday I was at the beggin the novel and wrote asking to postpone my post as I didn’t know If I was going to be ready. I erred on the side of caution because this novel is high on one-more-chapter-factor and sleep-deprivation-cause, and this means that I ended tonight. It’s not the best novel to read at night time as it’s a tense and gripping story featuring a terrifying killer and some very moving moments. It’s fast paced and there’s plenty of surprising twists. The last one was really big and I didn’t see it coming. I was glad to catch up with Casey, Jericho and the cast of characters. I liked how they related to the traumatized children and how they flighted to catch the killer. Another excellent story that I strongly recommend. I can’t wait to read the next one as there’s a sort of cliff hanger and I’m very curious about the future novels. Highly recommended. Many thanks to Bookouture for this ARC, all opinions are mine

The Author: By day, B.R. Spangler pushes pixels, typing lines of code. When he's not developing software, or elbows deep in hardware, he is writing stories, plotting thrillers, or reading. B.R. Spangler lives in Virginia with his wife and kids, as well as five cats, a parrot, a finch, a lizard.

Social media: TWITTER: https://twitter.com/BR_Spangler FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/authorbrianspangler/ Newsletter sign up: https://www.bookouture.com/br-spangler

[see4eg]

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[silphine]

ESCAFLOWNE Voice meme (2/5)

[ Escaflowne voice meme made by @drkstars-art ]

PART 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

------------------   

2. Who is your favorite character and why? Was it love at first sight?  Has any of their qualities or quirks swayed you on characters in other series?

Instinctively, Van.

He was my favorite character right from the beggining. And despite I now love the vast majority of characters (for many different reasons), I'm still really attached to him.

WHY ? > Mainly because Van's story is the (painful and challenging) process of a boy growing up to finally become a man.

He has the widest range of emotions through out the series, which makes him very realistic and human.

He is the combination of a Life of Duty, Fight, Revenge with the tough, rebelous and doubtful period of adolescence. These two concepts confront inside him and I just love the dynamic it gives to his character :

- Deep inside, Van is a shy, kind, sensitive, pacifist and simple young man > But must endorse a King role he never aimed to and has to learn to fight and kill if needed.

- He lacks of self confidence, is also very impulsive and wholehearted with his beliefs (he is still a teenager after all) > But has to deal with many adult and overwhelming situations (with other royals, leaders, politics...)

- Physically, he is quite small for his age and pretty puny > But reveals being strenghful, mature (on many aspects) and determined. Plus, very dangerous in critical situations :

When he kills several Zaibach soldiers in Energist mine.

When he slaughters all Dilandau’s soldiers.

When he finds and enters Zaibach invisible forteress 

I just love this contrast !

Gaea is a violent world for his kind soul. But he finally accepts his fate and deals with it the best he can, even if it's too heavy for his young and small shoulders.

He internalizes his suffering most of the time and that's why I sympathize so much for him.

His resilience always impressed me.

> He lost almost everything at the beginning of the story, but manages to overcome the situation. We clearly see Balgus' influence in him. (I always loved Balgus. A strong, stoic, proud but so reliable and very kind man. An excellent father figure for any young becoming man.)

By the way, I love the fact that the promise Balgus made to Hitomi to find a way to send her back home foreshadows Van x Hitomi relationship all over the series until its very end.

" We will find a way to send you back on Mystic Moon." " A Fanelian warrior never lies. "

Indeed, Van never lies to Hitomi. By friendship (and because he genuily understands her sadness for being separated from her family), he takes up the promise Balgus made her...

...and reminds her later (in a bitter way) Even if he is deeply irritated by her presence on the moment, frustrated and full of jealousy towards Allen : he WILL keep his promise.

And he will. Definitely. Despite their mutual love. I don't think many young men would do the same. That's why I find him so special. Was it love at first sight ?   > Here was the very first time I saw him.

Frankly, how can it not be a love at first sight ? I knew nothing about his character, neither the story of ESCAFLOWNE. But I instantanly understood in this scene he was desperatly in love with this girl kissing a "perfect blondie man" and that all his hopes just gone up in smoke ! I felt so bad for him... (I feel the same each time I rewatch this scene.)

(Second dose... In case the viewer would not really get how much his heart is broken !) Honestly... How can a heartbreak be so beautifully portrayed and hurt so hard in a single image !? I also love watching him get irritated and not understanding his own feelings. He saves and protects Hitomi most of the time but, paradoxally, is unable to properly express his love to her. He is so lost on that topic ! To finish : his character taught me a lesson on humanity has a young teenage : > The most dangerous person may not be the one who attacks, cheats, enforces domination or hurts people in the first place.... 

... But the most kind person, pushed to his own limits... (Dilandau just freaked out...) > Everyone can become a monster if pushed too far or blinded by its hatred/anger. We all have violence inside us and it can be easy to give in to it. For all these reasons, I love his character. [ > PART 3 ]

[s0lar-ch3ri]

making this a series ig (spoilers, mostly minor, idk well just have to ROLL WITH IT AND SEE)

episode is starting from zero, episode 1 (quick note: i love how excited everyone is aty the beggining for this camoain, so heartwarming) "'for all you audio listeners your about to hear what a man catching on fire sounds like' 'and also a house catching on fire'" "so its like 3 belts? yeah" "this character sucks not enough belts" ok chip hasnt been described and hes already drawn blood "how much trouble does this woman have keeping her pants up holy shit" "anything that looks valueable, take it" "whats a barrel" instant love with this campaine from here "ill carry this" "ok" "but w h y" “this is the fastest I've ever committed arson in a campaign” "ok as soon as we light this ill let them know so they die an honorable death" "but the barrel is terrified of fire" "so this is a barrel" "lets blow up this popcicle place" hes trying guys "grab a barrel as well i need to study" "in you multitude of belts" when did i forget jay had so many and got bullied for it "i hope she didnt find any more belts in there" ok but whenever i hear marshal jon being described the dopamine just floods out "oh! that wasnt the bathroom!" "no it was not, it was the room where we got the explosives" "WHAT ARE YOU GRABBING THE EXPLOSIVES FOR" "to blow up your ship" bro i loved how gill interacted with people before what an idiot /pos "gill make a-dont make anything you told the truth" gotta love grizzly doing a save "and jay you go to kick this man in the back of the knee and you do you realise that his calf muscles are literally built like boulders" "i want to put my hand on his shoulder" and so it begins the convincing! yes gill go!! "hang on let me see that...big j" "JON, ITS YOUR CHOIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE" "as the door is blown off-" "did somebody fart?" ah yes gill you lit the explosive that makes people fart" "BACHOW!" please dont stop this man from making random noises its great "is your skin always wet or is it dry?" GRIZZ ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS!! "you are to learn a lesson from the moisture master!" remember when gill made his title canon now, its 6 seconds to 20 minutes in "THOSE PIRATES!" man knowing him now its kinda strange to hear him hunting them down "i just occasonally grab people and im like 'you can be better'" cant believe gill went from telling people to be better to just immedately trying to solve their problems (like not even 2 episodes later if im remembering right) "excellent jay you are a fog frog" "im gonna steal somebody's hat then run out the door" jay stealing chips job now "im passing the barrel out the window" i remember when hed just be a problem for any stealth kind of movements "MY FRIEND SAID HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO HAVE AN ADVANTAGE" "there is still time" ITS STARTING WOW "you get the sense this guy cannot see very well" i forgot he had sight problems "YOU BLEW A HOLE IN OUR TOWER" "and you blew a hole in my heart" ACCIDENTAL FORESHADOWING AND A GREAT MOMENT FOR SHIPPERS?? HOW MUCH IS CHARLIE FEEDING US WITH GILLION TIDESTRIDER!?!!? (spoiler: a lot) "can i make a persuasion check?" "sure" if charlie never said this we would never have the future pirate jon, IF HE NEVER GOT A 16 THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED "you cant tell if i cry a single tear or if im usually that moist" the fact that he is can make for an angsty hc that nobody really would notice gill crying "jon didnt make it" oh this better not be another accidental foreshadow "you see, a pink frogtupus" everyone being excited for the preztal reveal was also all of us huh dont lie! "i look like a big flounder" fanartists canon gill description /j "god damn it big j" friendly reminder that (from what ive seen) marshal jon is the only character gill gave a nickname, and he had met him like 20+ minutes ago "YA BOY GILL ABOUTA BE FRIED" "ima just grab them both and jump" ngl i cant put my finger on it but calmer gillion probs the chaos control thats needed because of him being feral "jon this is for you" *proceeds to get an 8* (would have been epic if he suceeded that charisma tho) "jon, the power is- eyeh" "i look over wistfully (?) 'but w h y?'"

[gaybarbiegirl]

My Top 5 Gay Barbie ships

As an avid Barbie fan and a lesbian, I feel like it was only a matter of time until I made this. I think we can all agree that the Barbie movies blessed us with some of the best lesbian relationships gal pals of our childhoods, and I guess this is just my way of paying homage to my favorites. A little disclaimer, this is all just my opinion, so I'm sorry if your favorite ship isn't here.

5. Kristyn and Hailey - Barbie and the Pink Shoes

Starting out with a painfully underrated ship from a painfully underrated movie, we've got Kristyn and Hailey. In my opinion, Barbie and the Pink Shoes is the funniest Barbie movie, and these two are a big part of the reason why. They bounce off of each other really well, they have a great and believable daydreamer/down to earth dynamic, and their relationship is really sweet. I mean, it's hard to watch two people navigating an unknwon world together with no one to count on but each other and not end up shipping them. Plus, the scene where Hailey gets captured by the snow queen and Kristyn runs crying through the frozen road always breaks my heart.

4. Mariposa and Catania - Barbie Mariposa and the fairy princess

I'm gonna be honest, the way the pairings went in the Mariposa franchise actually makes me kinda bitter. And that's because they had these two characters who I think are perfect for each other, but they totally disregard their relationship for the sake of pairing Mariposa with Prince Carlos (who is honestly just a male version of her).

I mean, seriously - Mariposa and Catania have this Romeo and Juliet type of story, being from rival fairy kingdoms and all, and it would definetely have ended in romance if this was a het ship. Catania is the only one who's kind to Mariposa from the start, she bothers to learn about her culture and to make her feel welcome in her kingdom, and she trusts her blindly even when everyone around her tells her she shouldn't. In return, Mariposa listens to Catania about her struggles, and does everything in her power to help her overcome them. They have a lot in common and a lot to teach each other, their relationship development feels very natural, and their bond is what saves the day in the end. But nooo, Barbie has to end up with the prince. Smh.

3. Barbie and Sal-Lee - Barbie Starlight Adventure

These two probably have the most down to earth relationship in this list, ironically. They have no big dramatic bonding moment, no speech about believing in each other, and their love isn't what saves the universe. It's all very simple and low key, and that's kind of what I like about it.

I love how nervous Barbie is to meet Sal-Lee in the beggining, how it takes a little while for them to get used to each other, and how even in the end there's still a bit of healthy competition between them. You can tell both of them weren't what the other one was expecting, but once they get to know each other, they realize they're something even better, and I think that's really great. I also love how Sal-Lee gets all protective of Barbie, always looking out for her in the end. Overall, their relationship is just very wholesome and comforting. 10/10.

2. Merliah and Kylie - Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 2

Rivals to lovers, anyone? Truly one of the best relationship tropes out there, and it was executed beautifully in this movie.

Merliah's and Kylie's flirty rivalry in the beggining is everything, and I like how it's not one sided. Like, Merliah isn't the nice "let's all be friends" girl who's being cornered by mean girl Kylie, they're both mutually competitive, which is pretty unique for a Barbie movie. And, of course, as their relationship develops, all of their scenes are just the cutest and the gayest.

Kylie saying "since when does the queen of the waves give up?" when she's pulling Merliah out of that whirpool? Amazing.

The two of them holding hands while swimming together? Beautiful.

Merliah swooning over everything Kylie says, from her plans to her bad jokes? Lovely.

And the whole ending sequence to that movie lives in my head rent free. Merliah is all upset over being a mermaid forever because, in her own words, this means she can't surf with Kylie anymore. Then she turns human again and gets to compete with her one more time, but with love instead of animosity. And finally, the two of them thank each other for everything they got to learn together and agree to share the 1st place trophy. Incredible. Lesbian excellency. Love it with my whole heart.

1. Liana and Alexa - Barbie and the Diamond Castle

Surprising no one, Alexa and Liana get the 1st place, and for a good reason. To this day, they're the biggest wlw icons from any Barbie movie ever. Everyone has seen the posts talking about how the colours of their dresses are the colours of the lesbian flag and the bi flag, or about how they're the og cottagecore lesbians, or about how there's a scene in the movie where the two of them literally float away from their "love interests" on a rainbow, and they're all 100% right.

But while the sheer amount of gayness these two have is great, I still think this isn't the best part of their relationship. The best part, I think, is just how devoted they are to each other.

Like, we know they regularly write songs about how happy they are together, and both of them consider their relationship to be the best part of their lives. They take care of each other in a way that is so casual but still so meaningful, and you can tell it comes from a place of real love. When they get the chance to make a wish, they don't even have to think before wishing to be together forever. And throughout the movie, we see them risk their lives and rethink their values for the sake of keeping the other one happy and safe.

They're not just my favorite barbie ship, they're one of my favorite ships of all time, and they totally deserve all of the praise they get.

[looonnamoon]

Hm a concept:

Chef bakugou x apprentice reader

He takes them on as one of his many other (failed) apprentices

He is a well known chef not just because he makes excellent food but it's his demeanor and intimidation that anybody can connect to him

You, being a local chef in a small restaurant (You're the head dessert chef, yk lol) , decide to expand your tastes and skill by taking on an apprenticeship with Bakugou

At the beggining, it's really rough, Bakugous screeching at you for messing up one single measurement of an ingredient and you screeching back that it was just a drop yk

Time goes on, and the two of you are still...sorta tolerant towards eachother

At this point, the two of you have (begrudgingly) learned many things from eachother and have taken then into your own accounts

(Bc I wanna make this Christmas themed too lmfao)

It's the busiest day of the year, people coming in every minute, new orders coming in every second, and the tension between you two are rising every millisecond

After closing, the two of you sit down finally, to look at eachother in silence

So quiet...yet so many loud unspoken words are dying to come out of your mouths...

What's going to happen now?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

U think I should write it?

[ceriseisland]

Of course Red is a himbo, but in a way he isn’t actually stupid. Sure, he has absolutely no aptitude for learning the theory of battling like Blue does, but Red’s whole deal from the beggining is that he’s able to win through sheer creativity. His rare combination of empathy and ingenuity is the reason why Oak believed in him enough to give him a pokedex in the first place, and you don’t just become known as “the battler” without having the smarts needed to excel at a sport that requires a lot of thinking, but most of all Red is the fighter because he’s the most creative dexholder in battle. Even though he has no understanding of the academics of battling, like strategy and all the physics involved and whatnot, he’s ingenius enough to not only make up for his lack of knowledge, but to become one of the strongest trainers in the world, and I think that’s worth something.

[cafedanslanuit]

would it be ok to ask for hcs of the main 6 + vaderwood and how they would react to their normally energetic and funny mc being a little off and making some self-deprecating jokes (like a little too dark to be funny) as a way of coping and hiding their anxiety/depression? if not thats ok im just in a similar mood today.

self-deprecating jokes are my thing too, tbh. hope you’re feeling better! <3 Also, I couldn’t picture Vandy for this particular hc, I’m sorry :c

Yoosung

This boy honestly loves how fun you are. He will always laugh with you and you don’t tease him that much (Saeyoung does that for you)

One day, when he comes home from his job at the vet, he finds you calling for pizza. He lets you finish the call and then you look up.

“Hey, welcome back! I accidentally left the stove on for too long and messed up dinner” you casually said, with a small giggle. “So I called Pizza Hut, hope it’s okay”.

“It’s okay!” he says. “I love pizza”

“I know, me too” you smile. You stand up and stretch your arms. “Okay, so I’ll take a shower before it gets here. How the fuck did I forget the stove on, I don’t know” you laugh. “I swear to God I would totally leave me at this point”.

Yoosung says nothing, shocked. He watches you walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower. He knows you like to joke around, but that joke had been pretty specific. Leave you? Why would he leave you? Over some burnt food?!

He waits until you come out, wrapped in a towel and hands you a cup of your favourite tea. You smile weakly.

“An award for my awful cooking?” you tease him.

“Hey! It’s just food! And you solved it. I don’t really care, MC, please let it go”. He sees your lips tremble a little bit. “Are you okay?”

You had a really rough day at work. You tell him all about it while sipping on the tea and he silently listens to you, nodding at the right times. The pizza finally arrives and he puts on your favourite show so you both can watch it. When you go to bed, he makes sure to give you extra cuddles, so you never have to feel any more pressure on yourself.

Zen

Honestly, he’s not the best at comedy. But he really likes how much you can make yourself laugh with your own jokes.

He comes home and hands you his tablet. You arch an eyebrow and look at him from the couch. He sits beside you and asks you to press play. You nod and comply his request.

It’s a video from rehearsal. He’s singing at he’s actually hitting all the notes just right. You smile softly, watching the video in silence. When it’s over, you turn and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re amazing, babe. You did the song soooo good! How can you be so talented?”

“Thank you, babe. And I don’t know, can’t help it. I’m just talented.” he shrugs, with a confident smile.

“Well, someone has to be” you responded quickly. His smiled faltered and he looked at you, confused.

“What are you talking about? You are talented too. I’ve seen your drawings, those building projects you have been working on. They’re masterpieces, MC, I love them and–”

“I didn’t get the job, Zen” you quickly answer, not looking at him. “They didn’t like those ‘masterpieces’” you added, making the colons signs with his fingers.

Oh. So they had already sent you the email.

Zen would put the tablet aside and hold you on the couch. Whisper over and over again how talented you truly are and how they were in the wrong for not noticing it.

“If they can’t see how brilliant you are, why would you want to work for them?” he asked. “I’ve been rejected more times that I can count. I know how you feel. And you know what makes me feel better?”

You look at him and shake your head.

Ten minutes later, you’re both riding on his motorcycle, feeling the air against your face. you hug him tighter and smile.

Jaehee

Jaehee’s not one for jokes. But she does enjoy the occasional laugh she has with you. You make tons of jokes, but, unlike Saeyoung, you know when to stop

“Babyyyyyyyy, I’m a mess!” you complained, stretching on your bed. Both of you were working on your laptops, when suddenly you put yours aside.

“C’mon. Help me, Excel Goddess! Can’t seem to make this thing to work and I need to show it to my boss tomorrow” you asked. Jaehee smiled softly, put her laptop aside and grabbed yours. She started typing formulas, fixing your work.

“You’re so good to me, baby. Thank youuuu. That’s why you’re the smart one here”. Jaehee just smiled, continuing her work.

“They should have taught me Excel in school instead of sports. Did anyone of my class turn out to be an athlete? No one. Are we struggling to get a job because we don’t know shit about Excel? We are”.

“Maybe that’s why I’m failing. Maybe that’s why I had to settle with this shitty job, because I can’t comprehend the monster that in Microsoft Excel. Maybe that’s also why my Computer Science teacher hated me at school” you said dramatically. Jaehee chuckled softly.

“Maybe that’s why my whole life is a mess right now. Maybe that’s why I can’t find joy in the things I do anymore, maybe that’s why my father left us. Because I’m a shitty person who can’t do Excel and can’t get a decent job”.

She stopped typing and looked over at you.

“MC. What are you saying?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m tired. Don’t think about it too much”

“I-… Do you want me to talk to Mr. Han? Maybe there’s a position and… I know C&R takes most of my time but an entry level job may be good– at least for your resumé and–”

“I’m fine. Don’t think about it, baby” you dismissed, but Jaehee grabbed your hand.

“Can’t you really find joy anymore?” she asked. You sighed.

“Happens to me when the cold weather beggins. Will go away in a couple of weeks” you shrugged. Jaehee squeezed your hand.

“Let me know if I can do anything to help you… well, find joy again”.

“You do help!” you assured her. “I can find bits of joy here” you smiled and gave her a small kiss. She smiled and kissed you back.

Jumin

Jumin doesn’t understand most of your jokes. Most of the times, you have to explain them to him. He doesn’t mind, but it’s only because he really enjoys watching you laugh at your own jokes. The sight of you giggling it’s enough to light up any day.

That day, you decided to visit him during lunch. Which wasn’t a rare occurrence, you tried to visit him at least once a week, making sure with Jaehee you wouldn’t be interrupting.

“Good afternoon, my love. Didn’t expect you here” he greeted you, giving your cheek a tender kiss when you approached him. You gave him the bento you had prepared and sat in front of him, on the other side of his desk.

“I know. I just thought your darling, loving wife might make an appearence. I do have to keep those heiresses away from you” you laughed. He smiled softly and opened his bento. “Don’t want them making you change your mind about marrying some poor girl who couldn’t even afford university by herself”.

Jumin arched his eyebrow while eating his lunch. “Is there a problem with your classes? I thought you were excited about finally attending university, even if most of the classes are online for security reasons. Are the professors not competent enough? Are they not grading you fairly?”

You laughed. “No, Jumin, classes are fine. I just… Don’t really fit with your social class, you know. I mean, I knew I wouldn’t fit, but someday’s it really… just… I don’t know. You can put a working class girl in a Channel, but you can’t really change who she really is inside, right?” you smiled weakly.

Jumin furrowed his eyebrows, visibly upset. “What are you talking about?”

Your facade disappear and you sighed. You reached out for his hand and held it tighly.

“Please, don’t misunderstand me. I love you, I really do. Nothing can change that. But I can’t– I can’t pretend I don’t hear the whispers when I come here to have lunch with you. How I listen to them mocking these nice clothes you bought for me” you said, pointing at your light blue dress he had given you. “I don’t… I didn’t grow up with these things. I must look really dumb pretending to be part of a class I’m not”.

“Who made that comment?” he asks, angrily.

You try to cover it up, but after some pushing, you tell him it’s the secretary that works two offices away. She has a desk beside Jaehee’s. Jumin stands up, not stopping when you ask him to. He takes one step outside his office and spots the secretary you must be talking about.

“You’re fired. Assistant Kang, take care of that paperwork”.

Jumin returned to his office and locked the door. You can’t believe what just happened. He walks over to you and lifts up your chin with his hand, gently.

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you you don’t belong here. Or that you don’t deserve elegant clothes or anything I want to give to you. I know you didn’t grow up the same as me, but that’s why I love you. Because you didn’t look at me and saw my money or C&R, you looked at me. At who I was. Who I could be. I want to be the best man I can be, just for you. And I want to please you, giving you anything I can so you can enjoy life at its fullest. Also, look at you” he said, taking a look at your whole outfit. “You look breathtaking. You look classy, and it’s not just the dress” he smirked, kissing your cheek and making his way to your neck, leaving you a mess of giggles.

Saeyoung

Ok, so we all agree he’s the king of dark humour and self-deprecating jokes.

And he’s used to be like that around you and sometimes you make the same jokes and you both just laugh it out.

So that day, he doesn’t notice something’s off from the start.

He’s fixing the robot cat, since it had been malfunctioning. You’re reading a magazine  on the couch while he’s sitting on the floor, both of you talking on and off.

“One day you should teach me who to do that. You know, fixing stuff and such”

“I wil! But you’ll need to call me sensei during our lessons.”

“Sensei? Isn’t that japanese?”

“It is! I’ll be your sensei if you wish. But what do you want to learn to fix?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to be the dumb one of the relationship”

“Awww. But we make such a good pair~”

“Just because you haven’t got tired of me yet” you chuckle.

“How could I get tired of your cooking? Never!~ I swear my mouth waters just thinking about your waffles.”

You laugh. “That’s all I am? My cooking?”

“Well, also how clean you keep this, Ms. Vanderwood hasn’t been complaining as much as before” he teases you.

“Well, you know I have to keep this apartment clean and your stomach full. That’s why I’m here, right? Until you get tired of my stupidness” you chuckle.

Saeyoung looks back at you, stopping on his fixing of robo-cat. He’s not longer smiling.

“… You really think that? That I think you’re stupid?”

“Well… I’m no genius. I’m just one more secretary, I’m… c’mon. You’d have more fun with someone who’s just as smart as you. I’m just here… until my time’s done. I’ve accepted it long ago.”

Suddenly he’s over you, making you lay on the couch, pinning both your arms over your head.

“Stop! What? Stop, just stop, what are you even saying?! You are kind, compassionate, generous and the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen. You stayed by my side when I was at my worst. You saw all parts of me and still loved me. I’m the one who isn’t worthy of someone as loving and forgiving as you. I– I could never. I could have never rescued Saeran without you. I could have never been happy or even think about real happiness if it weren’t for you. So honestly, what if you don’t know anything about computers or hacking? That doesn’t matter to me. It’s you and your heart. It’s always been about your loving heart, MC. Please, please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ve loved you my whole life. Even before I met you. I just didn’t realize it.”

Your eyes water

damn, saeyoung i almost cried as well, you fucker

You both stay on the couch, holding each other until you fall asleep. He keeps whispering soft and warm words to your ear every now and then, making sure you never doubt yourself again.

Saeran

“i want to die” “same”

It’s so usual for you both to make dark jokes, he doesn’t really notice when it stops being a joke to you.

You’re both laying on the couch. You’re on top of him, resting your head on his chest. You can’t remember how it started, but you start joking around.

“Your girlfriend’s a mess, you know”

“She is. Have you seen her hair?” he teased.

“What the hell does she think she’s doing? Have you seen the way she dresses?”

“Total mishap. It’s like a match made in hell”

“And her voice? More like a screech” you laugh, making fun of your own voice.

“Will she ever shut up?” he sighed dramatically, smirking softly.

“Why does she think she actually make someone happy?” you chuckle. His smile disappears.

Saeran stays silent for a minute. “You’re not happy?”

are you not happy with him? has he already bored you out of your mind? are you having second thoughts about your relationship? because he’s been trying, he’s been seeing a psychologist and even though there still isn’t a big change, he— is it because there hasn’t been a big change?

“Well, you’re not” you replied in a small voice. “And I can’t– And I don’t how– Maybe it’s me?”

So, Saeran decides to try something he’s been talking about with his psychologist. Better now than ever, he thought.

“I love you”

You raise your head, looking at him in disbelief. He’s never said that before. When you started dating, he had kissed you and you had understood how it was hard for him to express feelings due to the severe trauma he had gone through, so you hadn’t pushed him but… Saeran was still looking at you, a tense expression on his face. You suddenly realized you hadn’t said anything back.

“I love you too”. You had said it before. You had told him that a million times, but it was the first time you said it back.

“I know it seems I’m not making progress– But I think I am? I mean, I just told you that, right?” he said, scratching his head, a little nervous. “He said we were going to work on expressing feelings, and it was easier to express the most intense ones.”

“Your most intense feeling– one of your most intense feelings is loving me?” you asked, still surprised.

“Shut up” he said, making you laugh for real this time.

[xviicprc]

You have a very cute style and yes I realize I'm sending this ask while your profile pic is your mastersona with blood on her but it's true! (also she's cute I'd like to know more about her if that's okay?)

 Hi hi. Sorry to answering so late!

So.... About My Mastersona.......

Cyra Kuromaki!

An extremly Average mage-  

She is the daughter of two Mages, her father used to be a teacher in the Mage Association, while her mother is the oldest among her siblings and the one who inherited her Family’s Crest.

In theory, she should have been an excelent Mage, but her parents Magical Affinities were literal opposites, so they "nullified" eachother, leaving Cyra someone with tons of Mana, but no way to use it. Like having a powerful battery with no device to use it on-

So, Cyra was seen as "the weakest link of the chain" to both sides of her family. Which in the Fate World its the biggest dishonor™ to Mages, ever.

So she has no formal training in Magic, and only knows things in “theory”- her parents didn’t find it necesary to train someone who couldn’t even shoot the most basic of spells.

And, she joined Chaldea one day, merely by the benefits it would bring.

After all, it IS another prestigious Magical institution, and to Cyra, "It still counted". And it would lessen the sting of being someone who never could archieve anything in the Mage World. 

Of course the Grand Order happened.

"Guess I have to save humanity. This sucks, I am part of humanity".

Someone who always follows every command given to her in the beggining, but to not be held responsible when things go wrong, even if the order is wrong. “They can’t blame me if I do as they said, that’s on them” she would say if you called her out on this. You should thank her parents for that.

It took some time for her to be able to act without any commands.

She doesn’t get along with Mash or Olga at the beggining. 

In regards to Mash, she found her too clingy and “spoke too much“. But she mellows out with her the more she understood why Mash is the way she is, to the point where they became really good friends.

Olga on the other hand- she hated her guts. Cyra always had to bite her tongue around her, while internaly screaming. She even called Olga "bitch" when she said Cyra would be fired after they returned from Fuyuki, and promply recieved a slap to the face.

She didn’t take it back though.

------------------

Cyra always speaks her mind, with no sort of filter- which leads to her to clash a lot with many Servants at the beggining.

However, she does apologize later. If you show her why she was wrong, she’ll take your words at heart. And she wants to be a better person, being confined in a Antartic base with Heroes from the Past and the rest of the destroyed wasn’t what she expected to mature, but hey! If it works, it works!

While the Grand Order consumes most of her time, whenever she catches a break you can find her drawing in many places inside Chaldea (and even inside Singularities). She mostly draws the Heroic Spirits, the many places they explore, and even some members of the staff. If you were to look at her drawings, you could easily guess the order in which Servants appeared in Chaldea.

Interactions with other Servants would be:

The First Servant to answer her summons is Martha, who ends up treating Cyra like a little sister. They get along extremly well. Martha likes that Cyra doesn’t hide how she feels or if she doesn’t like something, while Cyra admires Martha for her strength and for being able to tame Tarasque while still having what people wouldn’t consider “the proper attitude of a saint” (Which both of them agree is stupid).

Her interactions with the children Servants start out very awkard. She doesn’t know how to handle them, and says “She is a horrible influence!” for them. So she avoided them at first. The first real interaction they had was when Nursery and Jack aproached her while drawing. “I want to try it out too!”. Later that day, she got them crayons and other art supplies for them to have fun. She still remembers how fun it was to be a kid and draw, and Cyra carefuly saves the drawings they made for her.

At the start of the Grand Order, the more boisterous Servants, like Drake or Cu made her nervous and jumpy. Explotions? No problem! Voices louder than average? “That is never a good sign”. Luckily, she gets over that anxiety she feels and learns to have fun with them.

If she is talking to herself, murmuring, or anything of the sort, there is a great chance someone else is there too.

Is good friends with Karna. Cyra is always happy to see him, and you ber they’ll perfom the Special Handshake. They are both “the quiet friend”, and if you find them together, they are definitively vibin in silence. And both “failed at communication” many times, so that’s another thing in common they have.

Cyra keeps a distance from most of the “King” Servants, the only concrete exception being Artoria, because she was one of the very First Servants Cyra summoned and has known her the longest. That, and, Artoria doesn’t have “the same attitude as them”.

-----------

WELL wasn’t that long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hhh im still working on her story and such- I’m more of an artist than a writer, so its easier for me to tell stories and such on drawings than in text format haha.

Thank you for asking about Cyra!!!!! Im also happy you find my art cute and wanted to know more about my self indulgent oc hahahahhaa

[jentrevellan]

Believe Again: Chapter Six

Rating: Mature Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition Relationships: Cullen Rutherford x Female Trevelyan Tags: slow burn, slow build, slow romance, mage/templar dynamics, family drama, templars, mages, enemies to friends to lovers, angst, lyrium withdrawal, crisis of faith, loss of faith, The Chantry, sexual tension, innuendo

MASTERPOST:

A/N: Tags to be updated. Chapters posted on the 1st Thursday of the month.

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CHAPTER SIX - Cullen

Arguably those first few weeks following the formation of the Inquisition were the most pivotal. Although there was no leader yet, the initial actions were carried out by the Herald of Andraste herself. The advisors were there to simply advise, but it does appear that she took her own path and made her own decisions in the Hinterlands, much to the apparent frustration and anguish of the others (see appendix VII for detailed experts of letters). Some may think her brash and arrogant, but her legacy of saving lives and helping others is evidence to the contrary.

- An extract from the book ‘Lady, Mage, Herald, Inquisitor: a biography of Elsie Trevelyan’ by Hugo DeSalvet

6. Cullen

“She’s done what ?”  

They were in the warm and stuffy War Room for their morning meeting and Leliana had taken Cullen and Josephine through the latest report from Scout Harding in the Hinterlands and Cullen couldn’t quite believe his ears.

“The Herald has secured most of the inner Hinterlands - she’s been very busy indeed,” Leliana replied, handing the report to Josephine.

“Goodness,” the Antivan exclaimed. “Mounts for the Inquisition secured from Dennet; apostate camp destroyed; templar stronghold disassembled; rifts closed; forward camps established… it goes on!”

“Let me see that,” Cullen grumbled, taking the missive from the ambassador. He skimmed the contents. “Reports of a dragon! Maker’s breath, is she trying to prove something? That she is immortal, playing with fate this way?”

“I hardly think that’s her intention, Cullen,” Josephine said evenly. “Her hard work and determination in the Hinterlands will no doubt bring us useful allies, and perhaps even the Queen of Ferelden may begin to take notice.”

“Indeed,” Leliana said, clasping her hands behind her back. “I’ve received word from my spies that the work the Herald is doing is laying the foundations to our reputation - everyone is talking about her and her deeds.”

Cullen passed the report back to the spymaster, but he was not sold yet. “She was told to return to Haven once she had spoken to Mother Giselle-”

“Oh! That reminds me: the Good Mother arrived this morning actually,” Leliana interrupted.

“Ah, excellent,” Josephine replied. “I shall ensure she is comfortable with rooms in the Chantry.”

“Now hold on-” Cullen tried to get a word in but not for the first time, his words fell on deaf ears as Leliana and Josephine continued to chatter - that part of the conversation about the Herald was past and settled, in their view.

As the women began to talk enthusiastically about a noble’s daughter they once knew, Cullen turned to his pile of reports and opened one with interest as he recognised Cassandra’s handwriting.

Cullen,

I have made contact with Corporal Vale and whilst I’m sure he has filled you in already on the granular detail, I just want to confirm that the relief efforts are progressing albeit slowly: although it would be slower still if it weren’t for the insistence and help of the Herald.

I am still very unsure what to really make of her. On one hand, she acts rashly and appears to have exceedingly high morals. I would call her selfish, but the Herald has hindered our progress with the sole reason to help the people here - I can see no other reason nor ulterior motive.

On many occasions, I have stressed that we would be better off leaving Corporal Vale and his soldiers to do their assigned duties without our interference, but the Lady Herald is almost as stubborn as you are.

Despite this, I hope for us to return to Haven within the next week or sooner, Maker willing. Trevelyan needs to learn that she can not fix every problem under the sun.

With regards,

Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast

*

Nearly four weeks after receiving Cassandra’s letter, there was finally word that the Herald had finally left the Hinterlands. And yet a week after that, there was still no sight of her or her party. Every day since, the people of Haven had been anticipating her return and more people arrived daily seeking help or enlisting in the meantime. Although Cullen was loathed to admit it, Josephine and Leliana had been correct: the work she had been doing in the Hinterlands was increasing their reputation and influence as well as bolstering their forces. Each and every day, Cullen found himself face-to-face with more new recruits, from sellswords and mercenaries to templars and apostates. Not only that but more and more young men and women were signing up, eager to fight and learn, even though they were still wet behind the ears.

As Cullen watched over a small regiment of new recruits run drills one afternoon, activity in the expanding stables caught his eye. He saw Josephine approach the new horse master Dennet and exchange excited words, whilst looking at a horse he couldn’t quite see. Cullen excused himself and left Rylen to continue the drills, as curiosity got the better of him.

“Aye, ‘tis a fine breed indeed, even if it is from the Marshes,” Dennet was saying, brushing the horse’s mane.

Josephine nodded thoughtfully. “Hmmm, it seems my letter to Bann Trevelyan proved to be more beneficial than I had anticipated.”

“I’ll say,” Dennit continued. “This is not the only Trevelyan horse they’ve sent - have a look at the missive, milady: there are to be at least half a dozen more expected in the coming weeks.”

“What do you think, Cullen?” Josephine asked as he approached.

He looked at the mare who was quite calm in her stall, despite the flurry of activity. She was a soft sandstone colour with a peppering of warm dark marks like freckles on her rear.

“This is a fine horse,” Cullen conceded.

Josephine smiled and looked annoyingly smug. “You see Commander - a little nobility can go a long way.”

“No doubt that is why you are the Ambassador and I am not,” he replied dryly before turning to Dennet. “You mentioned more horses from Trevelyan?”

“Yes ser - they are to arrive soon, but this one was sent ahead: she���s is a gift for the Herald.”

Cullen crossed his arms. “They needn’t have bothered with the effort - by the time the Herald does come back to Haven, the horses could’ve been here and be on their way back in that time.”

Josephine rolled her eyes. “Lady Trevelyan will be back soon: she is doing such good work, as you know.”

“Even though she can’t follow simple orders,” he muttered.

“Forgive me ser, err, Commander,” Dennet interjected before Josephine could reply. “Beggin’ your pardon, but if it weren’t for her, many of the folk in the Hinterlands would’ve perished, and then some.”

Cullen said nothing and inspected the new Trevelyan mare again. It was hard to stay angry at the Herald even when his own prejudices and assumptions about her told him he had every right to be annoyed. And yet Dennet’s words had abruptly put him in his place. However, disagreeing with her blatant lack of regard to follow orders or even acknowledge them was something he could not tolerate from any of his recruits, nor any of the men and women who served the Inquisition’s army. Maybe that’s where my fault lies , he thought. Perhaps I need to stop seeing her as a recruit and take her for what she is . Although he wasn’t sure what that was exactly - other than a stubborn, noble mage, who was annoyingly beautiful-

“Commander?” Dennet interrupted his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or agitated that he hadn’t been able to complete his trail of thought, as it was dangerous territory.

“Sorry - you were saying?” he tried to give the man his full attention. “I’m afraid my mind was momentarily elsewhere.”

“Thinking about trebuchets, no doubt,” Josephine teased.

He didn’t dare entertain the thought of voicing what he had actually been thinking, so said smoothly: “Funny you should mention that Lady Ambassador,” he continued, silently gleeful at his expert diversion. “We’re having a few issues transporting some materials for the construction of the trebuchets. Apparently, some Orlesian seems to think he owns Haven.”

Dennet snorted. “Even though it’s in Ferelden.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Cullen said, flashing a rare but brief smile at Dennet. It was good to be back in his home country and to be with fellow countrymen.

Josephine sighed. “Leave that to me - I will arrange a meeting with the Marquis and smooth things over. A good day to you both,” she said, excusing herself politely.

“While you’re here Commander, would you like to see your stallion?” Dennet asked, making his way further into the stables.

Cullen nodded and followed him. “I suppose it would be good to see him. I feel I am rather neglecting him at the moment.”

“It’s understandable ser - but he is gettin’ a bit restless,” Dennet admitted as they approached his black-coated Ferelden Forder. His hooves kicked the barn wall and he grunted as Cullen went to offer him an apple Dennet handed him. The stallion blinked slowly at Cullen before being sold by the treat and begrudgingly began to eat the apple from Cullen’s open palm.

“Have you thoughts of a name for him yet?”

“I haven’t, no,” Cullen admitted. “What did you call him, as his breeder?”

“We’ve called him Al since he was born, as he’s always been strong-willed and is very much the ‘alpha male’ with the other horses,” Dennet chuckled.

Cullen thought for a moment, patting the stallion’s dark neck. “I’ll call him Alphonse - but Al for short.”

“Very good, ser,” Dennet smiled. “It’s a strong name for a strong horse.”

Alphonse nudged Cullen’s hand and he went to scratch the horse’s nose. “I’ll take him for a ride tomorrow - could you see to it that he’s saddled and ready by first light please?” An early morning ride suddenly sounded a very appealing way to start his day.

As Dennet excused himself to assign work to some loitering stablehands, Cullen stayed a while longer with Alphonse, grateful for the silent companionship. His eyes travelled over the expanding stables that were filling up fast with mounts. He looked over at the Trevelyan mare and was reminded of her words about losing everything with her family when she became a mage. He, like all who joined the Templars, had also sacrificed his homes and family... but he and most of his fellow recruits had surrendered it willingly and with pride, unlike their charges. Why had he not considered that before?

“Commander?”

He turned to see a young page run up to him, with a letter in his hand, the seal unbroken.”This just arrived for you - from the Lady Herald,” he explained breathlessly.

Taking a final look at the Trevelyan horse, Cullen thanked the boy and began to walk back to his tent, slipping his fingers beneath the seal. He was unsure why his gut lurched at the thought of a letter from her, but all the same, he was perhaps a little keen to see what she had said. Upon writing this, she had been thinking of him. Although, their farewell at her departure had been less than amicable. Is that why I feel this way? Guilt?  

He unfolded the letter and stopped outside his tent to read in the sunlight.

Commander Cullen,

I understand that you may have a few reservations about my insistence upon staying in the Hinterlands. The fact of the matter is that these people need us, and I am all too capable to help. For you see, I am not a soldier in your army (you’re welcome, by the way, for the new recruits), I am not even under your command, and I do not follow your so-called orders. I am not, and I will never be your charge. I am a free woman, a free mage and will do what is right, and not blindly follow orders or wait until the last possible moment to do the right thing.

I will return when I return. Until then, try not to treat every passing mage as suspiciously as you do me. I know it will be difficult, but I have the utmost faith in you.

Regards,

Enchanter Elsie Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste  

He read the letter over several times outside his tent before scrunching it up in his fist. She knows then, he thought. “Curse that dwarf!” he swore aloud.

“Cullen?” he glanced up to see Rylen looking at him peculiarly. “You alright there, mate?”

He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Yes, fine, fine. Just a...frustrating report from the Herald is all.”

“I didn’t know the Herald was a dwarf,” the Starkhaven man quipped, earning him a glare from Cullen. He threw his hands up and chuckled. “Kidding, just kidding. Fancy a game of Wicked Grace to take your mind off whatever is going on in that curly head of yours?”

Cullen flinched at the subconscious use of his nickname bestowed upon him by the said dwarf and slowly shook his head, even though he was tempted. “Another time, perhaps. I feel the result of this report is going to give me much more work to do.”

“All the more reason to take a break now!” Rylen grinned, opening his arms in exaggeration.

With much reluctance, an hour or so later, Cullen found himself convinced and was sat in the tavern with other officers. He stared down at his tankard of ale, barely touching it and hardly playing the game, only speaking when was socially necessary. He still had her letter in his pocket, albeit scrunched up, and yet what she had said was burned in his mind. The hum of the tavern noise was drowned out as he repeated her words over and over in his head, beating himself up more and more each time. Finally, when it was his turn to deal and Rylen elbowed him in the ribs, Cullen decided to down his drink in one before focusing on the matter at hand - winning Wicked Grace.

*

A couple of days later, Cullen headed over to the stables, as was now part of his morning routine. As usual, Alphonse groomed and saddled, ready to go. He gratefully took the reigns from the bleary-eyed stablehand who barely registered he was there and mounted the stallion.

It was a cold morning, and even though it was dawn, there was little light as the sun was obscured by thick clouds. Nonetheless, Cullen dug his heels in and set off at a canter down the road, looking to perhaps ride for an hour to some of the forward camps dotted around the outskirts of Haven.

But Alphonse had different ideas. The horse moved well beneath him, and in the last few mornings together, had become accustomed to one another. He found himself on one of the forest paths, which went ever so gradually upwards a small hill on the side of a large mountain. He crossed not another soul, except from the morning chorus of the birds and one nug that ran out in front of Alphonse. It was idyllic and Cullen silently thanked the horse for leading him on a different path. He felt human again, and alive. And today is a new day , he thought, watching the sun rays peek through the clouds. The crisp morning had proven to be a serendipitous medicine to him.

As he descended the mountain path, he spotted fresh hoof marks in the snow which were not his own. He slowed Alphonse down and inspected them, estimating that there were perhaps three or four sets of hooves. He scratched his head and continued on - it had been a very long time since he had done any tracking, so his knowledge was terribly limited.

Upon approaching the stables, he was astounded to see it a hive of activity. Before he had left, it had been only himself and the sleepy stablehand and now stableboys and girls and assistants ran errands and Dennet’s voice boomed over the commotion. Cullen walked Alphonse into the chaos and saw four familiar horses outside, ready to be unsaddled.

“Lady Cassandra,” he said, spotting the Seeker. “You’ve finally returned.”

The Nevarran woman smiled thinly. “Finally indeed. Although I expect we will be back on the road soon if the Herald has anything to do with it.”

“As long as I’m given time to soothe my saddle sores, I don’t care,” Varric grumbled, limping away from his horse.

“If you had given us a proper warning of your return, then all arrangements for baths could’ve been made and ready for you-”

“Is that the sound of a disapproving commander, I hear?” another voice from behind him said. He whipped around to see the Herald pull her dark brown travelling cloak off her shoulders. “And it’s barely an hour past dawn,” she continued with a wry smile.

He opened his mouth to reply but snapped it shut as he took in her appearance; chestnut hair loosely braided down her back, windswept strands framed her face, and her cheeks and nose were flushed from the cold wind. He tried to remember that he was angry with her, but for the life of him, at that moment, he couldn’t understand why he would be mad at such a simple but beautiful woman…

“Lost for words, Commander? I’m flattered,” she smirked, her grey eyes twinkling mischievously. He blinked, his stomach flipping as her words were far too close to the truth.

She walked up to him and frowned as he still did not speak. Once again, his eyes involuntarily skimmed over her, but this time settled on her neck, where dark bruises were beginning to fade.

“What’s this?” he asked, impulsive brushing his gloved fingers gently over the marks.

It was Trevelyan’s turn to look uncomfortable, and her hands flew to her neck self-consciously; touching his in the process, which he snatched away as if scalded.

“Oh, this? This is nothing. A minor inconvenience at the Crossroads is all,” she said dismissively, not meeting his gaze.

Cullen’s brow furrowed and a twinge of what felt like fear came over him. “You were attacked,” he stated.

“Well yes, that is one of the hazards when you step into the middle of a war,” she forced a smile, but it did not reach her eyes and she faltered when she saw him looking down at her. “Careful Commander,” she said quietly. “Or I might think you actually care.”

His face heated up at her words and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, ahem. As long as you are alright.”

She smiled softly at him, and his gut twisted, not unpleasantly. “I am, thank you.”

He nodded, mainly to himself. “Good. well not good, but yes I am pleased you are alright. You are our only way of sealing the rifts, and we can’t afford to lose you.” he said and instantly regretted his words as she stiffened and her smile vanished.

“Ah, I see,” she said. “We can’t forget that I only have one use, and one use only,” she muttered, wriggling her fingers on her hand with the mark.

Cullen crossed his arms. “That’s not what I-”

“Isn’t it? Well it doesn’t matter,” she glanced at him and Cullen mentally kicked himself. You were worried about her as a person, is that so hard to admit ? he thought. He began to formulate something to say, but her eyes had been drawn away from him to something over his shoulder. She brushed past him, her eyes wide in awe as she approached the stall with the Trevelyan mare.

“Hello beautiful girl,” she murmured, placing a hand on the horse. “You’re Trevelyan bred, aren’t you?” she said with wonder.

Cullen cleared his throat and approached, making the Herald jump. “She’s a gift from your family.”

Elsie smiled faintly. “From my father, you mean. I sincerely doubt my mother had anything to do with this.”

He looked at her curiously, trying to comprehend her meaning, but she simply shook her head. “Nevermind - it’s a long story.”

Cullen didn’t press her but watched her quietly as she petted the horse, noting that she seemed almost at ease with the beast, and yet she chewed her lip, so he knew her mind was racing. Again, he was drawn to that simple innocent action which flooded his body with heat.

“What will you call her?” he asked, forcing himself to look at the horse and not Elsie. She contemplated his question by chewing her lip again and Cullen stared pointedly at the horse. He had to do something to stop his straying eyes. How can she elicit such a range of emotions from me when she’s none the wiser? He thought.

“Rose,” she said eventually.

“Rose?” he repeated.

“Well, they’re my favourite flowers, as cliche as that sounds, plus it reminds me of simpler times, at home,” she admitted, her cheeks faintly tinged with red, which Cullen couldn’t help but smile at.

“My sister is called Rose,” he blurted out suddenly. Elsie studied him with surprise. “Well, it’s Rosalie actually, but we always called her Rose when she was a baby.” He was rambling, but the woman before him appeared to be listening to him, so he continued. “I don’t know if she likes to be called that now though - it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen her.”

“When was the last time?” Elsie asked.

He thought a moment. “I was thirteen when I joined the Templars and left my family behind. So, what’s that? Sixteen, seventeen years? Maker, Rose was a toddler when I left and probably doesn’t remember me!”

“I’m sure she does,” Elsie said gently.

There was a pause. “If you don’t mind me asking, but how old were you when you went to the Circle?”

The question seemed to surprise her, but not as much as he surprised himself with it. Still, she didn’t scold him but tilted her head to the side. “Well, now that you mention it, I was probably about the same age as when you joined up. My sister Cecelia must be the same age as Rosalie: she was three when I left.”

“Cecelia didn’t forget you,” he said slowly.

Elsie smiled sadly. “No, she didn’t. But I was lucky enough to sometimes visit home - perks of being the ex-heir of a noble house in the city,” she shrugged.

They fell into a comfortable silence, their minds on times past, and Cullen thought of apologising for bringing up her deceased sister. But she didn’t seem angry or upset, just reflective. He himself was now more desperate than ever to see his siblings once again, as they were so close here in Ferelden, but still so far.

“Well, here we are,” Elsie said from the blue, and Cullen looked at her in confusion. “We’ve just had our first conversation that didn’t end up in bickering!” she laughed. “I take that as progress!”

Cullen couldn’t help but smile down at her. And that’s when he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was falling or Elsie Trevelyan, the Herald of Andraste, and a mage. Maker’s breath , he thought. She patted his arm affectionately and said farewell, heading to the bath-house. Cullen had to stop his mind from making the obvious assumption that in order to have a bath, she would have to remove her clothes-

“Dennet!” he cried out in a strangled voice, cutting off his thoughts abruptly. “I’ll take Alphonse out for a ride again tomorrow morning.”

The horse master raised his brows at his outburst but nodded. “Of course, Ser - I’ll make sure he’s ready.”

Cullen nodded. “Good, that’s good,” he said, watching Elsie walk away, noting the sway of her hips. He swallowed. I want her , he thought. Maker help me.  

*

Unfortunately, the tentative truce Cullen had formed with Elsie did not last long. That very afternoon, the war council convened and once again their opposing views on matters clashed head-on. To him, appealing to the Chantry seemed pointless, especially if the remaining clerics were anything like Chancellor Roderick. But the infuriating woman was determined and Cullen was vaguely aware of Cassandra’s words in her letter to him all those weeks ago: ‘She’s almost as stubborn as you are.’

Cullen drummed his fingers on the pommel of his sword at his hip, trying to ignore the pressing headache that had begun slowly but was now battling him, full-force. He was frustrated that he was starting to feel weak and was annoyed at Elsie more than anything. But if arguing with her had taught him one thing, it was that once her mind was set on something, she would see it through: her work in the Hinterlands was proof enough. As she listened to Josephine explain some of the itineraries for her trip to the capital, Elsie tilted her head to the side and he saw those dreadful marks around her neck again, and not for the first time, he wondered what had happened and why she had brushed him off. He tried not to think too much about why he was so concerned with the thought of her being hurt, especially as it was in the past and she was clearly a skilled mage in combat, from the little he had seen.

Cassandra caught him staring at Elsie and his face heated with embarrassment. She shook her head, mistaking his actions. Probably telling me not to pick a fight with the Herald , he thought.

A wave of exhaustion overcame him, and he felt like all of his willpower had been purged out of him. He shuffled from foot to foot to try and wake up, and to bring sensation back to his legs, but even concentrating on the effort to do so was enough to make him feel the fatigue take a fresh hold of him again. Carefully, so as not to draw attention to himself, Cullen laid his papers down on the table and took a steadying breath, hating how his hands shook.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he looked up to see Cassandra watching him with thinly veiled concern. He shook his head slowly, the world spinning as he did so, and the room fell silent as all of the women stopped talking to look at him.

“Commander?” the Herald said. “Are you alright?” Her voice was sincere in her concern and much kinder than he rightly deserved.

“I’ll ah, I’ll be fine in a moment,” he managed, as even forming words in his mouth was tough.

“Perhaps now would be a good tie to adjourn for the day,” Leliana said smoothly. “We can continue the preparations for your journey tomorrow morning before you leave in the afternoon.”

Cullen shot a brief but grateful look to the spymaster, who barely inclined her head.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. It has been a long day,” Elsie conceded, still looking at him, a slight frown on her face.

As they gathered up their papers and went to leave the war room, Elsie lingered, as if waiting to speak with him. Not now , he thought wearily as he winced at the sudden shot of pain in his head, like a weight pressing behind his eyes. His unlikely saviour came in the form of Josephine who blocked Elsie’s line of sight.

“Come Lady Herald; let us take tea in my office. I would love to hear more of your life in Ostwick,” she said, looping her arm with Elsie’s, and thus steering her out of the war room.

Reluctantly, Elsie left with Josephine, but not before throwing him another look over her shoulder, before the door closed softly. Once alone, Cullen took a couple of steps backwards and sunk into one of the cushioned chairs, throwing his head back. He closed his eyes, grateful of the calm and oddly peaceful darkness.

He must’ve fallen asleep almost instantly because when he came to, he was aware of two things: one, that his neck was awfully stiff from sleeping upright; and two, that he was not alone.

The Herald was perched on the war table, watching him. He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly aware of everything from his dishevelled state to her long, unbound hair and their fairly close proximity. If he reached out, he would’ve been able to touch her knee.

“You talk in your sleep, you know,” she said, breaking the silence.

Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed his neck. “Do I?” he mumbled, knowing full well that he did. He was all too aware of the intimacy of the situation and had no clue as to why a woman who appeared to resent him was calmly sat so close to him, alone.

He coughed again and forced himself to stand, grateful that his migraine had vanished. “I thought you were having tea with Josephine,” he remembered, his voice low and hoarse from sleep.

She shrugged casually. “I did. But that was four hours ago. So I popped in to get some reports - for bedtime reading you see - and what do I find? A burly commander sleeping like a baby and talking in his sleep,” she teased with a small smile.

He said nothing and moved to stand next to her, picking up his own neglected reports. She slid off the table gracefully and leaned back, resting her elbows on the wood.

“Look, Commander… Cullen,” she said quietly, and he jolted as she said his name. It was the first time, so he looked down at her in surprise. “I… I wanted to apologise. I’ve been a right pain in everyone’s backsides and I… need to do better - to be better - especially with you.”

“Why me?” he asked slowly.

Elsie sighed and shook her head, her chestnut hair falling around her face.”Don’t make me say it, Commander,”

His heart thudded in his chest as he waited. Surely she doesn’t feel something too? He dared to hope. It was then he noticed how his hand on the table was perilously close to her elbow and as she looked up at him, he couldn’t help but glance down at her pink lips which looked so, so soft. It would take little effort for him to lean down and-

“You’re a templar,” she continued. “Or you were, and I’ve been unfair and judgemental.”

Cullen closed his eyes briefly. Of course , he thought. It’s just you having another ridiculous infatuation!

“Although, I’m sure you’ve been doing the same to me - what my being a mage and a noble,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“I thought you were apologising?” he said flatly, but the corners of his mouth tugged into a faint smile.

She glared at him then smiled in return. “Very funny, Commander.”

“Well then, it seems I owe you an apology also,” he admitted. “I promised myself I would not jump to conclusions and judge mages unfairly as I have in the past. I need to do better too.”

Elsie opened her mouth to say something, perhaps about his previous interaction with mages, but she pressed her lips together and decided better of it. Instead, she pushed off the table and turned to face him, holding her hand out for him to shake.

“To not being our stereotypes?” she offered.

There was no sign of mockery, no teasing, no jibes, just honesty. He placed his hand in hers and shook it firmly, relishing the feel of her hand in his, even though they were gloved. “To not being our stereotypes,” he agreed, indulgently holding her hand a moment longer than was proper; but if Elsie noticed she didn’t say anything.

She picked up her notes and helped him gather his reports and they left the war room together, walking in a comfortable silence through the quiet Chantry. It felt like a weight had been lifted and he felt invigorated as they walked amicable, side-by-side. As they approached the large Chantry doors, raised voices could be heard and they looked at one another in alarm before pushing them open.

In the courtyard outside there was a commotion taking place between two clear groups: templars and mages were faced off against each other and Cullen could feel the thrum of magic as the mages summoned spells at the ready to attack or defend as the templars gripped their swords. Cullen stared at his fellow templars with unconcealed disappointment and out of the corner of his eye, saw Elsie with a similar look at the mages.

“So much for the stereotypes,” she muttered, so only he could hear.

“Enough of this!” he shouted, making both groups jump and turn their attention to him.

“These apostates were-”

“That templar- ”

“ENOUGH,” he bellowed, holding a hand in the air. “We are not part of any Circle or the Chantry here. We are all part of the Inquisition.” He crossed his arms and stared them all down, daring them to say otherwise.

“What about you and the Herald?” a voice Cullen couldn’t place called out.

He glanced at Elsie who met his gaze levelly.

“Speak plainly and we will answer,” she said, her hands on her hips.

A young mage stepped forward, defiant. “Are you his charge, Herald? Does he watch over you?”

Yes I watch her , he thought, but not for the reasons you think .

“I am nobody’s charge but my own,” she said hotly. “And neither are you.”

There was a murmuring before another voice shouted: “But we’ve heard you don’t get along! Why should we comply when you don’t?”

“The Herald is not my charge,” Cullen said vehemently. “She is my…” he hesitated. “Friend.”

Her eyebrows shot up and Cullen looked around at the crowd, refusing to meet her eye. If he did, he knew his face would heat up and someone would guess his ill-conceived infatuation.

“It’s true the Commander and I have not always seen eye-to-eye and I doubt we will agree on everything but look at us here and now: standing together before you as equals, as allies, as friends .” she spread her hands. “We all have much bigger problems to deal with than this. If Cullen and I can set aside our differences to work together for the greater good, then for the love of Andraste, so can you.”

The crowd murmured around them with many heads nodding, whilst some still looked unconvinced.

“It will take time,” Cullen said calmly.”But it is not beyond the realms of possibility to be civil and work together.”

He was going to say more, but a man jostling through the crowd made him stop and cross his arms. “Back to your duties, everyone,” he ordered, and the groups willingly dispersed as Chancellor Roderick strode up to them.

“A rousing speech, for a heretical mage and templar,” he sneered.

Elsie stiffened. “I thought you had gone to Val Royeaux to seek my execution or something of the like.”

Anger licked at Cullen’s gut. “Haven’t you done enough already, Chancellor ? Leave the Inquisition on peace, if you know what’s good for you.”

“Is that a threat ?”

“It could be,” Elsie said darkly and Cullen felt a pull of magic and spotted sparks of fire in her clenched fists.

“You dare threaten me ?” he cried incredulously. “And you , you templar - can’t you do a better job at keeping your mage under control?”

Elsie hissed between her teeth but didn’t move. “You just don’t know when to shut up, do you?”

“My thoughts exactly. Chancellor , perhaps you had better talk with Seeker Cassandra or Sister Leliana before either of us do something we might regret.”

“I wouldn’t regret it,” Elsie murmured.

“Nor I,” he breathed.

Chancellor Roderick flailed and opened his mouth like a fish out of water, gasping for air, before throwing his hands up in frustration and storming between them. He spun on his heel at the Chantry doors and pointed a finger at them. “You’ve not heard the last of this,” he spat, before slamming the Chantry doors behind him.

“If only it were,” Cullen deadpanned, and Elsie snorted.

“At least that is one thing we can agree on.”

“What’s that?”

“Our mutual dislike of that man,” she smirked and his chest tightened.

Suddenly, he wanted to kiss her: to leave her breathless and see if tasting her mouth would be enough to sate him, and put an end to the temptation. But she had shown no sign of having any thoughts of that inclination, so he cleared his throat.

“Shall I escort you back to your cabin?” he offered.

“Ohh, an escort? Is this because we are friends ,” she teased, falling into step beside him.

He rolled his eyes. “I… forgive me if I misspoke, but-”

“No, no, it’s quite alright. I think I would like us to be friends if we can.” He tried not to look too pleased with her words but he was all too aware that if Elsie looked at him, she would catch him with a silly grin on his face.

“It would make sense to know more about each other if we are working together. I already know about half of Josephine’s family history,” she continued as they walked, their boots crunching in the freshly fallen snow on the path.

“Well, what would you like to know?” he asked.”Perhaps you’ll find we have more in common than our mutual hatred of Chancellor Roderick.”

She chuckled. “You see, that’s one thing I am learning about you already - that you have a darkly sarcastic sense of humour, quite similar to my own. I never would’ve guessed it.”

He shook his head sadly. “My secret is out, Maker help me,” which earned him another trickle of laughter that was light and musical. He adored it. Andraste, if I can make her smile and laugh and be her friend, then I can be content with that...can’t I?

As he bade farewell to her outside of her cabin, he walked slowly away, shuffling around the thoughts in my head. I will have to be content, he thought. As this will feeling will never be reciprocated.

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