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inkskinned · 1 year

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 months

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The Dungeon Meshi crew 'leap' into action!

#dungeon meshi #marcille donato #laios touden #senshi #chilchuk tims #Full confession time: I originally planned to post this last thursday so I could caption it “Hoppy Leap year everyone!”#But as I was sketching I realized that the tentacles and Tansu party stuff came first #So devastated to have the frog episode and leap year be a week off. Almost a beautiful coincidence.#I love how they play on Marcille's vanity to get her to wear the outfit AND repair the situation #It is true her ears make the suit look very cute.#And shout out to our girl for having her priorities straight (heh) and not wanting to rescue her crush in a frog skin suit.#Though we all know Falin would be so into the idea. The painful thing that dungeon meshi never lets us forget is her absence #Falin would love to dress as a frog...She is meant to be there so much that it is painful. Beautiful tragedy beautiful writing.#The red dragon arc starts next week and I'm clawing at the walls. To those who are anime only: Get ready.

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puppyeared · 2 months

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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago

#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW #when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas #or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it #my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT #IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently #most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of #smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say #its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words #its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me #5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention #doodles #diary #sona #puppysona #comics

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puppetmaster13u · 6 months

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Prompt 271

“Grandmother is visiting,” Damian suddenly said with no warning and with his usual not-quite demanding tone.

“Who?” Tim wasn’t the only one to startle, seeing as Bruce had practically froze, a downturn to his lips in a silent show of confusion.

Damian scowled. “Are you deaf Drake? Grandmother is coming to Gotham to, quote, make sure I am being properly cared for.” None of them had known that Ras was with anyone actually. At least Tim was pretty sure that would have been in the files.

“Oh?” Dick didn’t quite crouch to Damian’s height but it was a near thing. “She-” “He,” Damian corrected, interrupting him. They all exchanged a glance before Dick continued.

“Is he coming to the Manor or…”

Damian scoffed again, a tiny bit of a flush against his face. “No, Grandmother will most likely be staying with Akhi-”

Now wait one moment-

“YOU HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER?!”

#DCxDP #DPxDC #Prompts #Deadly Decisions #Danny & Ras are the homoerotic rivals that no one knows if they’re flirting or attempting a murder #It’s actually both they’re just also both Immortal #Danny to Jason: You can become a crime lord if you finish college- you’ve said you wanted to get a degree this is ur chance #Dusan (nodding): Mother has made all of us finish at least our basic education nephew #Why yes this does mean that RH has just made the heads in a duffel bag debut & the bats have no clue it’s Jason #Normally Danny wanders the universe but RAS (affectionately derogatory) HOW DARE U TRY TO HIDE THE GRANDCHILDREN #Morally Gray Danny #He’s well over 300 and that has an affect lol #Also has some fun fae vibes thx to his ghost half & human half finally balancing out #Let Jason & Damian be brothers #Tiny Damian: Akhi look I found a frog :>#Jason (newly not brain damaged & has no clue who this small child is): …. That’s great #Tiny Damian: *GASP* Akhi you can talk now :D #Fuck it- all the Al Ghuls deserve fangs from ecto contamination #Is Danny actually Dusan & Talia’s mother? No one knows and no one wants to ask the probably immortal fae being okay #Danny brought Damian a ghost hound puppy & Jason an original signed Pride & Prejudice book #How come Bruce wasn’t aware of Danyal? Talia forgot to inform him that the mother she was speaking of is in fact still alive #He disappears for a decade sometimes longer she was using past terms how was he supposed to know

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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months

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i am not immune to transmascs in sweatpants and a sleeveless top

im rly fucking weak about it actually

#losing my mind rn #i still can't get over it #💀 i told him aksksksk the prog won buddy my boy my guy i can Not think straight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i look at someone's upper back a little too long then i can't get them out of my head for 2 days is this how it is??!#(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) i haven't seen him in a while im not used to how hot he actually is #which is funny bc i distinctly know what he looks like but u ever just see someone irl and you're like AAAAA THEY'RE HOT #⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄ ♡⁠ hey ..#my friend how close ur sitting makes my heart feel like it's going to explode but I'm trying to be so cool about it #but also not really 🫠#not anymore!! 😭 i need to let u know

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lunacias · 2 months

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(Silence. CARPENTER tries to rally HAYWARD's spirits. She's afraid she's going to lose him.)

"All three of us - we can all go on living, Hayward. Just like you said."

#the silt verses #tsv #sister carpenter #carpenter #james hayward #audio drama #horror podcast #artists on tumblr #listen all my tsv drawings so far have been vibes based so pls ignore the inconsistencies on here alfkdsj #namely: i know carpenter uses a rifle (opted against it visually)#and then i spent like half an hour looking at iv diagrams and idk how medical care is on a plane but. listen. I'm ignoring all that #let alone with a patient you were forced to heal after being held hostage LOL #(not putting hayward in a hospital gown for the finale. i'm not. so he gets his bloodied clothes)#anyway i (notoriously slow artist) rushed to get this out before the finale #they mean so much to me!!#(faulkner voice) jeez hayward how come you get to have a good relationship with paige AND carpenter in the final season #also if you follow my main the small detail of carpenter not letting go of hayward's hands in the beginning-#was my load bearing emotional support bit of the episode you know I had to include it #the way i spent forever trying to get carpenter's expression right only to last minute decide NOT to cover it up alfsdjk #id in alt text #pls lmk if there's anything in the description i should change!#i try to keep it short but I know I ramble #tw blood #tw eye strain

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chitinleg · 1 year

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got him off-balance!

#my art #ds9 #star trek deep space nine #julian bashir #elim garak #garashir #watercolor #image desc in alt text #i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare #“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT!#look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior #if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !”#cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad #ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole #the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod #AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel #because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it #often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows #i struggled at first to find full body references #they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless

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arinmoss · 1 year

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i painted Astarion hehe :3c prints here

#i planned on doing a quick litttle sketch based purely on memory than i was like maybe ill use a ref actually and then i ended up making #a painting of that guy lmao #this took anywhere from 2 to 4 hours idk a good amount of tim was looking at his face and trying to remmeber how to fucking draw lmao #like im bad with making drawings look like someone but i tried!#haven't played the game btw i dont have the moeny nor the laptop for it but i have been watching a lets play of it #want to try and draw more of the companions especially karlach and wyll cause i love wylls design and i love karlach #astarion #bg3 #astarion bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion baldurs gate #astarion fanart #painting #art #art work #digital painting #arin moss #arin moss art #also i know his hairs not that curly but i like drawing hair like this lol #im sure theres more i can fix but whatever i fix it lateer maybe but liekly i wont lol #okay i edited his face a little but idk if this version looks better #maybe ill go back and put the old version in but for now i think this looks a tad better but idk idk #baldurs gate 3 #astarion ancunin #fanart #vampire #vampire art

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jacobglaser · 4 months

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Now, in the darkness, at the very heart of the world, the drums of war thunder once again. And Azeroth, at last, awakens. The Worldsoul, so long denied me, shall be mine.

→ World of Warcraft: The War Within

#world of warcraft #wow #the war within #xal'atath #faerin lothar #sorry azeroth it's been real but i'd sell every one of you out for xal'atath in a heartbeat #i know she's the big bad of this expac but like. they should let us shadow priests side with her. just for fun #faerin looks so badass too. i've been avoiding alpha spoilers so i dunno what her story is but she has a shield arm so i'm sold #the cinematics just get better and better. crazy how good the faces are now #anyway brb gonna let xal'atath crush me like a bug byeeee #world of warcraft the war within #tww #nat gifs wow #mygifs #warcraft #tw flashing

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ohno-the-sun · 8 months

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Sol

#I’m just gonna put these here so I can rant about all the issues I see in the #so like I as an idiot was like let’s see if I can do a style study on qwille using my favorite boy right #but qwille a brain works in mysterious ways cause like I’m trying to hard to firgure out how they know where to put stuff #and of course the rendering is like that in between fully rendered and that more soft vague #which is gorge #but my brain when I do it is like you need to fix you need to fix this looks bad you suck blahblah #not to even mention the anatomy #which is completely fucked here #I can’t do shoulders to save my life #and he looks so dumb sitting on that box #like what’s wrong with his shoe #I know something’s wrong #I think I need to take a moment #I’m caught in one of those logic loops rn #blahhhhhh

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braisedhoney · 1 year

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the tsp jim button except it wipes gabriel’s memories instead

#good omens #good omens fanart #good omens 2 #good omens gabriel #good omens jim #love how like half of us took one look at this himbo and immediately became that one dog meme #the way my head SWIVELLED when i heard the name jim holy shit #the archangel fucking gabriel #i LOVE that that’s a tag #genuinely don’t think this counts as a spoiler since it was in the trailers but #let me know if it is lol #good omens 2 spoilers

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

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Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment.#I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again).#Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him.#This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse.#It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship-#-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care.#And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you.#You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged.#I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated.#People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away.#I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'.#And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media.#We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May.#Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.

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beastwhimsy · 19 days

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they're out for the evening!!! Simon isn't great with parties but Magus is helping him find his footing!

please don't repost! if you want to, please ask first.

#MAGUS'S OUTFIT TOOK ME FOREVER BUT I'M VERY HAPPY WITH IT!!!!#right amount of Weird and Wizardful and Fashionable I think.#I LOVE HOW CANONICALLY MAGUS PRIDES THEMSELF ON BEING STYLISH AND KNOWING A LOT ABOUT FASHION #they DEFINITELY chose simon's outfit for the night #magus's outfit is COMPLETELY made up off the top of my head #I mean. so is simon's but I went NUTS with magus's outfit #if you look closely I used different golds!!#magus is wearing all warm golds and simon's golds are a lot cooler #life giving magus #simon petrikov #adventure time #atimers #adventure time fanart #fionna and cake #simon adventure time #wizards adventure time #lgm adventure time #magus adventure time #life giving magi #ancient sleeping magi of life giving #(simon's clothes aren't springing to life because magus enchanted them to be immune to their magic. or something)#let that wizard grab his midriff!!!!! cmon!

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puppetmaster13u · 10 months

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Prompt 81

Danny blinked at the small children Ellie was holding the hand of, looking quite proud of herself. The small children- between ten and twelve so somewhere similar to Ellie’s age- who both practically stank of magic and Gods.

He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose even as Dan cackled while opening the door more to let them inside. “Alright, what’s your name, kids?”

“B-billy…um, Billy Batson...” “‘m Percy! Percy Jackson.”

“Nice to meet you two- any idea where in your family you have a god or two, because one of you definitely smells like Zeus and I’m pretty sure Poseidon and I am not dealing with either of my half-brothers.”