#life and my way of thinking and makes me unable to just neglect some part of the work i just can't do it

[drysauce]

uni definitely isn't for me but everything else isn't for me either so i have to somehow bear with it i guess

[finniestoncrane]

Here is me requesting my birthday maxi smut honestly im thinking maxi threw some stuff together for a little surprise for her ! And ( he actually does give her a real gift) but the best part comes in the bedroom....

Pun not intended 🤣

I Got You Something

Maximus x Fem!Reader, word count: 1k ay happy birthday!! i love maximus, he's just the softest, sweetest little lamb and the strangest little bug ever and i am obsessed with him and how he'd learn how to be a good boyfriend to someone ;-; 🧡 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: fluff, lil bit of smut, oral sex mostly!!

"You're paying attention, right? Because I really can't see anything..."

"Yeah, yeah, I got you! Just a little... further...Oh, shit, watch that pile of... what is that?"

Your feet kicked something soft in front of you and you recoiled, caught in Maximus' arms.

"Max! Can you just uncover my eyes, please?"

"No, almost there. Just a little further..."

As sweet as the gesture was, you almost regretted telling Maximus that it was your birthday. He was so keen to impress, so determined to make sure you still retained a semblance of your old life, of some goodness. He wanted you to keep that optimism, the kind that made you excited for something like a birthday, something he'd never really been all that fussed by.

More importantly, he wanted to be a good boyfriend.

So he kept his front pressed to your back and guided you over the miscellaneous debris that he had neglected to clean out of the way when he found a safe enough space to set up for your surprise. And then, when you were past the door frame, he removed his hands from your eyes and practically squealed.

"... ok, tah-dah!"

When your vision returned, you found yourself in an empty room, the view from the window suggesting it was on the outskirts of the settlement you and Max had been staying in for the past couple of weeks. On the walls there were tiny triangles of stained fabric, tied together to form bunting. In the corner, a bed with the cleanest sheets you'd seen in months and a dresser with an assortment of your favourite snacks. And in the centre of the room, two dining chairs and a wobbling table, upon which there was a strange looking package.

"Max! This is..."

"It's not great, I know, but... Happy Birthday!"

You could tell that your silence was worrying him, so you choked out whatever words could come to you first.

"Maxi... this is amazing."

The effort he'd put into making the space look at least a little welcoming, and a tiny bit liveable, had rendered you almost entirely speechless, unable to express to him how much it really meant to you.

"You sure?"

"Of course! It's... I love it. It's amazing. Thank you."

Reaching up to him, you cupped his cheek as you pressed a kiss to the other, beaming a bright smile at him before you gestured to the package on the table.

"And this?"

"Oh, right! Your present."

"My present?"

Your eyes widened, excited at what you had suspected had been a gift.

"It's not really like... We don't- didn't... do birthdays in the Brotherhood. But I know it's a big deal for you so..."

He reached for the gift, pulling out a chair for you and placing the parcel in your lap once you were seated. As you looked closely at it, you could make out some of the design on the paper. Singed edges of old comic books, scraps from books, all held together with some strips of duct tape. It upset you to even unwrap it, as you thought about the effort he had gone to, so you tore the paper away gently, admiring your gift once you had revealed it.

"Oh, Maxi, this is so sweet."

You held an almost pristine souvenir mug with the Nuka-Cola logo on the front. There was no way of knowing how he'd managed to find it up here, or how much he might have had to spend to get it from a trader. It was perfect.

"It's not great... it's... I'm sorry, it's crap."

"It is not! I love it!"

"Wow, really? Because I had a back-up if you didn't-"

Your ears pricked up, eyes focusing on his sweet, flushed cheeks as your pupils dilated.

"A back-up? You mean there's another gift?"

Maximus stammered over his words, nervously scratching at the back of his neck, flustered by the intense focus you were now giving him.

"It's more of a... like a surprise."

"Well, show me!"

With a renewed excitement, Max took your hand and guided you from the table to the bed, slightly giddy in the way he practically skipped over to it.

"Ok, lie down."

You raised an eyebrow with an excited smile, but did as he asked, letting your body sink into the busted bedframe and watching as he sank to his knees at the bottom of the bed. His hands, shaking with nerves, skimmed up your thigh and grabbed your hips, pulling you down the mattress closer to him. You let out a squeal of shock, giggling as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your pants, pulling them down your legs and taking your underwear with them.

"Max!"

"What?"

You sat up on your elbows, looking down at him with a grin so wide it almost hurt your cheeks.

"Are you really doing this?"

"Yeah... I've been practising."

He raised his eyebrows, his lips forming a sweet, proud smile.

"Yep, I've been practising."

"I don't even want to ask how..."

"Then don't, just let me show you."

With your lower half completely exposed, your pants and underwear placed in a small heap next to where Maximus knelt, you felt your body warming with arousal, anticipation spreading through your veins as you felt him leaning in, his warm breath on your thighs, then against your cunt.

And then, his tongue, hot, wet, pressed flat against your lips, forcing the tip between then, spreading them apart as he dragged the muscle up and down over your entrance, teasing it as he reached the top. He had been practising, and he’d obviously learned a little bit about anatomy somehow.

“Max… Max, this is… it’s so good…”

He paused for a moment, smiling happily, a sense of pride in his work.

“It is… you taste good… better than anything I’ve eaten out here…”

You gripped at the sheets as he returned to your body, lips enclosing over your pussy as he sucked and lapped, moaning with satisfaction at how you tasted, how you felt against his face, thighs pressed against his cheeks. And with the innocent joy he always held for these intimate moments together, he wondered if you’d let him do this again for his birthday.

[wolfjackle-creates]

Bring Me Home, Chapter 2 Part 3

A little shorter this week. I had my graduation ceremony over the weekend and the opportunity to hang out with my sister-in-law for the first time in a few months! (She and my brother moved states a few months back.) If you scroll down a bit, you'll be able to see how I decorated my graduation cap! I love how it turned out.

But you don't care about that. It's Wednesday! Time for a WIP Wednesday segment!

Story Summary: Tim and Danny are both neglected by parents who care more about their work than their families. They deal with this by spending too much time online and find each other playing MMORPGs. They keep up their friendship as Tim becomes Robin and Danny becomes Phantom and don't bother keeping secrets from each other.

First, Previous

Word Count: 1k

----------

Unable to get Tim’s attention, Conner asked, “Who’s Technus?”

Danny shrugged. “One of my rogues. Tuck thinks he’s the ghost of Nikolai Tesla. He’s interested in controlling all technology and will make himself a giant mechasuit cannibalized from any electronic he can find in, like, a half mile radius. Super annoying.”

Tim hummed. “You didn’t tell me about him being Nikolai Tesla.”

“It’s a new hypothesis of Tuck’s. He’s been trying to research all the ghosts that come through as part of our profiles on them. That involves trying to figure out who they might’ve been in life. We’re hoping it’ll help me deescalate confrontations to cut back on property damage. Thanks to my parents talking about how evil all ghosts are, no one trusts Phantom and I get blamed for everything.”

Tim reached out and squeezed Danny’s shoulder. Practically everything Danny ever said about his parents made him like them less. To change the subject before he learned something else that’d make him want to attack Jack and Maddie while they were under the same roof, he asked, “So why does ectoplasm harm electronics anyway?”

Danny seemed to lean into his touch. “Well, ectoplasm is complicated. It is generated in this dimension but doesn’t really belong here. It comes about through death and leads the way to the Ghost Zone. At least… that’s the hypothesis I think is the most likely. I’ve only really been studying it for a few months since my own accident, though.” He shook his head. “Anyway! When it interacts with things on Earth that aren’t trying to get to the Zone, things get weird. Especially with non-sentient things that can’t will the ectoplasm to act in a specific way. Even animals can exert some control over ectoplasm. But electronics can’t.”

It was only a few minutes more before Danny had completely disassembled the phone. He then grabbed another pipette and adjusted the volume and added ectoplasm to certain pieces. Then took a third size and did it all over again.

“How on earth did you find out how much to add?” asked Bart. “You’re changing quantities constantly.”

“Trial and error. Long and tedious trial and error. We tried dipping sections in the ectoplasm to start, but that generally fried the tech and mutated its function. Wires do do best with submersion, though. No more than a second or two for small ones. Even after we stopped submersion, we started by adding way too much—spreading it over the entire chip. But that also didn’t work. Realized just half a microliter applied to the connections was best. The camera, speaker, and microphone need more. Those get ten microliters apiece. And we just kept trying different amounts until we had something that worked. We ruined four phones before we started testing each component individually.”

Conner let out a low whistle. “Well we’re glad you have. Thanks for helping with this.”

“Of course. Anything for Tim.”

Tim’s face heated as Cassie laughed. “Yeah, our Tim has a way of winning people over, doesn’t he?”

“I think I won him over, actually.” Danny hung the pipette back up on the holder. “All right, now just to put this baby back together. Who’s hungry?”

“Me!” called Bart. “It’s been ages since we’ve last eaten.”

“You’ve got an accelerated metabolism, right? We’ll stop by a store and get some extra stuff if you need anything overnight or tomorrow.”

“I like you,” said Bart. “You should come with us when we leave. Join our team.”

Tim buried his face in his hands, did none of his teammates know the definition of subtlety? Offering Danny a place with the Teen Titans or Young Justice was the first thing he tried.

“Thanks for the offer, but as I’ve told Tim, I can’t leave Amity. No one else is capable of responding to ghost threats.”

Conner shook his head. “Looks like your parents have it under control.”

Danny laughed. “Oh hell no. They’ve got a lot of inventions and most of them do something. But it’s not always what they expect them to do. And dad’s aim is terrible.” As he spoke, he continued to reassemble Tim’s phone.

Tim couldn’t help but admire how expertly Danny’s fingers moved over the pieces. And before he knew it, Danny was handing the phone back to him.

“Should work now. Turn it on and double check.”

Tim took it and held the power button until the WE logo appeared. Sure enough, once the screen loaded, so did a dozen missed phone calls and even more missed texts.

Bruce, Dick, and Barbara had all attempted contact multiple times. Even Alfred had called once. He winced and immediately called Bruce back.

“Hey, B,” he said as soon as the call connected. “We’re all fine. Just crossed an area that messed with our tech.”

“How did it mess with your tech?” Bruce demanded.

“It’s normal in this area. But I’ve a local friend and he fixed my phone. He’ll take care of Conner’s, Cassie’s, and Bart’s after we grab some dinner. So if anyone else is worried, tell them we’re fine and they can call me in the meantime if they have questions.” Tim made sure to use civilian names so Bruce would know they were no longer in costume.

“Who is this ‘friend’?” asked Bruce.

“God, B, it’s fine. I’ve known him for years. We game online together when we can. Have since we were kids.”

“Hn.” Why was it so much harder to read Bruce over the phone than in person? It was so annoying. “I see. Where are you currently?”

“We’re in Illinois. Will probably stay here a day or two with Danny and his parents. And then we’ll come home and share everything about our trip.” Aka, submit an official report about the outcome of their mission.

“Very well. I expect to know all the details. And I want twice daily check-ins until you’re home.”

“Fine, fine. Will do. Bye, B.” Before Bruce could demand anything else, Tim hung up on him. Next he shot texts to Dick, Alfred, and Barbara assuring them he was fine and his phone was working again. Replies came instantly and he ignored them all. “All right, that’s done. Let’s go eat.”

---------

Next

I think this is the first time I've had an actual scene break to stop the segment at. I usually just go until I see a change in the conversation, but I've got my <hr> marker at this point and there's gonna be a scene change! (So I won't have to repeat a paragraph or two next time I post.)

You get a different explanation for ectoplasm in this fic! Wasn't planning on that, but it happened and I like it.

Hope you enjoyed.

Tag List Part 1

@gremlin-bot, @bonebrokebuddy, @britcision, @lady-time-lord-, @welcometosasakiworld, @akikkobara, @phoenixdemonqueen, @dolfay, @skulld3mort-1fan, @we-ezer, @markus209, @sjrose1216, @onyxlightdragon, @dragonsrequiem, @jesus-camp-the-sequel, @spidey29phangirl, @kyrianclawraith, @evilminji, @introvert-even-on-the-internet, @emergentpanda-blog, @lexdamo, @v-inari, @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit, @longlivethefallen, @undead-essence, @xye-chan, @liandrin, @seraphinedemort, @kisatamao, @schalensitzbucket, @caelestisdreamer, @runfromthemedic, @nutcase8691, @channajen, @tonicmii, @ambiguouslyominous, @vythika96, @addie-lover-of-stories, @ironicvixen, @violetfox2, @pickleking8, @mysticalcomputerdetective, @ark12, @mygood-bitch99, @squirrel-wolf, @satisfactionbroughtmeback, @sometimesthingsfallapart, @automaticsoulharmony, @d4ydr34min9, @revnantdpxdclover, @midigeria, @raginblastocyst

[litnerdwrites]

So Nesta might also have second hand trauma...

+ Elain is a hypocrite.

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

This quote has rubbed me the wrong way since I read ACOSF for the first time. I reblogged and responded to a post by @simmanin where I discussed how Elain is a hypocrite for this line, since the IC have never considered what Nesta's trauma did to her. That was one of two thoughts I had regarding this quote, the second being how Nesta's reaction seems completely logical.

I think Nesta's response to Elain wanting to search for the Cauldron to be a form of real trauma caused, not only by her mother, her father's neglect, the cauldron, turning fae, the war and the shit ACOSF put her through, but also the trauma faced by Elain. This is a form of trauma called Secondary traumatic stress disorder.

Secondary trauma is most common in health care workers and mental health professionals, as well as others who help and deal with other people's trauma on the regular. This, to me, makes complete, logical sense. If you're exposed to so many traumatic experiences, even if it isn't directly, on the regular, then it makes sense that your mental health would also suffer for it.

There have been cases in which a person goes through trauma, and their family members, like siblings, develop secondary trauma as a result. Moreover, it's natural for any form of trauma to affect a person's relationships with friends and family, which we see happen to Nesta in how she distances herself from even Elain.

It makes complete sense that Nesta, who has set herself up as Elain's protector their whole life, and acts as more of a mother figure to her, would develop some form of secondary trauma when she almost loses Elain, or watches Elain endure suffering when shoved into the cauldron.

It wouldn't be far fetched for a parent/sibling to develop a form of secondary trauma after almost losing their child/sibling, in an accident or at the hands of another human being. So why is it that nobody considers that Elain's kidnapping caused even more trauma for Nesta.

While I'm not trying to say that it should come before Elain's trauma and experience, it also isn't okay to discount and overlook Nesta's just because her coddling of Elain is considered a bad trait. It isn't good that Elain is coddled like a child, but using it as an excuse to disregard the obvious traits of trauma that Nesta is showing is unfair to her, and just another example of Elain, perhaps unknowingly in regards to secondary trauma, thinking only about Nesta's trauma is doing to her. How she's upset by the way Nesta handles it, rather than considering that Elain's support is the one Nesta needs the most.

Nesta spend her whole life feeling like a failure. To her mother. Her grandmother. To Feyre. To Amren. To the court. Nesta grapples with feelings of self worth and views herself as a failure for being unable to protect those she loves so fiercely, which greatly affects her mental health and is a huge factor in driving her to want to commit suicide. The only thing she didn't feel like she failed at, was protecting Elain. Until the cauldron. Until Hybern. Until they were dragged into a war that Nesta wanted no part of, but got involved with because of Feyre's request and Elain's insistence.

Nesta tried to give to Feyre what Feyre gave to her in that cabin when she allowed her to use their home (despite Feyre's friends accosting her for issues that aren't theirs to address or comment on), and even then, she feels like she failed when the mortal queens turned traitor. Failed to make it up to Feyre, failed to protect her people, and when Hybern came, failed to protect Elain.

Now, for Elain to not only reinforce those negative feelings, but dismiss Nesta's traumas entierly, from the moment the war ended, is cruel. Elain is a hypocrite. She is a hypocrite who was quick to abandon the one person who's been in her corner for her entire life. While there are clearly issues between Elain and Nesta that need to be sorted through, especially in regards to how Elain is coddled and borderline infantilised by her Nesta, discrediting Nesta's trauma, the way she's accused of doing to Elain despite how Nesta sacrificed her own healing just to be by Elain's side and get involved in the war, again, at Feyre's behest, is not how you go about it.

Nesta appears to have a form of secondary trauma that stems from Elain's own traumas, and she's not the only one. I think tamlin's actions stem from a form of secondary trauma from watching how Feyre suffered and died under the mountain. It doesn't make what he did right. It doesn't excuse his actions. Nor does it excuse Feyre's, since one might argue that seeing her sisters dumped into the cauldron gave her a form of secondary trauma too (since Mor mentioned Feyre feeling responsible for what happened in acofs, and wanting to fix all their problems as a result).

However, it does explain them. Much like how Nesta's traumas, first and second hand, explain her actions. That's not to say that an explanation is an excuse. It merely provide a context from which to examine their actions can be examined and create a path to empathy and compassion. Whether they're forgiven and forgotten is entierly up to those affected by their actions (pretty much just Feyre and maybe Elain for the coddling), and in the case of fictional media, audience discretion.

Nesta has certain things she should apologies for (again, to Feyre mostly, and maybe a little bit Elain), I don't disagree with that. However, none of that can happen until Nesta is able to heal.

The quote above is the perfect example of Nesta being denied that, despite the delusion of the IC in thinking that's what ACOSF was about. Her trauma isn't considered valid by the Ic, or even her own sisters, which is why it isn't treated as such.

So to sum it up, yes. Nesta is thinking about what Elain's trauma did to her because it did have a very real affect on her. It caused real trauma that Nesta has to deal with. The dangers faced by Feyre and the entire court, cause her trauma. She suffers with the fear of losing those she loves so fiercely so that her mental health took a swan dive because of that, amongst other reasons. Yet nobody acknowledges that Elain's suffering, real and horrible as it may be, also caused Nesta pain. Hell, they don't acknowledge the pain Nesta's own suffering caused her, much less anybody else's.

Also Elain and the IC just prove that they have no empathy or compassion despite their own traumas being so similar to the hell they're putting Nesta through. Either their traumas weren't traumatising or the cycle of abuse broke the so badly that they can't even recognise the abuse they put others through.

[amysubmits]

Do you think a woman that has been in relationships previously that were abusive (physically, verbally, financially, emotionally or any one of the above) can ever truly submit? Or is that self-protection wall just too much of a barrier to this dynamic? The D/s dynamic is so appealing at first consideration, bc she would want to build that deep trust and have that open communication, find that place of safety that she never had.

But then her mind jumps even quicker to those thoughts of “I’m not enough”, “I’m not wanted” “I’m not desired”, the downward cascade is endless and so she hits the road for self-preservation.

In your opinion is that insurmountable?

So, disclaimer - I'm no mental health professional, just a traumatized ND person who has had psychology and therapy as an interest and hyperfixations several times in my life, and who has 5ish years of being in therapy as a client.

I wonder what you mean by 'truly submit', to be honest.

I think most people (not just women) have experienced at least a little abuse at some point in their life...and I think literally all people have experienced at least a little trauma. And abuse and other causes of trauma can definitely lead people to be unable to let go of control and/or to trust. So, I think abuse can make submission harder. I think abuse and trauma are really common causes for specific hard limits. For example, if someone had been verbally abused as a child and told they were stupid, that may have a really direct correlation with why they might make verbal degradation a hard limit. Or it can be a more vague relationship. Maybe they weren't outright called stupid or verbally abused, but they were emotionally neglected and part of that meant they were never told good things about themselves, but were criticized frequently. So they have low self esteem as a result of having their shortcomings highlighted but not having their strengths highlighted - this may cause them to be unable to tolerate being verbally degraded in a BDSM context. Different causes, but essentially the same trauma and outcome.

On the other hand...sometimes abuse or other forms of trauma makes people people-pleasers who are prone to fawning or freezing. They may have the same internal beliefs that you mentioned - I'm not good enough, I'm not wanted, etc - but rather than that leading them to avoid submission, it may make them submit in ways they shouldn't. For those people, submission may be harder because they will try to submit when they should be setting limits. These people may be misread as deeply submissive, but if they are agreeing to what their dom says out of a trauma response and not out of a true choice, then IMO, that is a big problem. So anyway...I think abuse can make D/s or BDSM hard. It can pose challenges that have to be navigated very delicately. I think it can (and should!) result in hard limits being set. Do I think it impedes 'true' submission? I don't like that 'true' word as I think it's often used to mean unhealthy things. But I don't think abuse keeps people from D/s or BDSM generally speaking. To me, submitting does not mean having as few limits as possible. Submitting means being as open and honest and vulnerable with your Dom as you can be given the amount of trust that you've built together - and submitting in the ways that you've agreed to and that are healthy for you to do so. What is healthy for one person may not be healthy for another. Being the best submissive possible is a totally personal, individual thing.

That may mean that you never submit in certain areas. If you have financial trauma, you may never submit to financial control, for example. That can be being the BEST submissive possible because it means you know your needs enough to advocate for not having your trauma triggered and that is being a great submissive, helping your dom protect you from harm. Where for someone else, learning to submit in that area might feel like their best submission. It's totally individualized.

[sanityshorror]

Heyyy, I'm not the person that send the original ask but I'm really curious as to why Julius is so against kids.

Hope ur doing well!! ^^

[Part 2] A Summary of Why Julius Hates Babies and Children:

[Read Part 1 First] The number of the explanation correlates to the reasons listed in Part 1:

1.)

His confusion comes from Julius having no concept or understanding of childhood. At only four years old, the following all began: working in the coal mines (keep in mind Julius was born in 1874), neglect resulting in him having to fend for himself, severe, constant abuse and trauma of every kind.

This all accumulated in Julius having almost no memories prior to the age of 13, and even after he has a very foggy memory of his life. He does not understand children or childhood at all, let alone a happy one.

The ultimate result is confusion, that quickly turns into Julius becoming extremely distraught, leading him to lash out about something unrelated to disguise his true feelings, then run off and self-destruct.

2.)

Julius becomes extremely jealous seeing happy children and families because he never experienced a semblance of a childhood and he was raised in an incredibly abusive and toxic environment. He doesn't understand why some children seem so happy yet he couldn't have that.

His logic just makes the jealousy escalate to rage, his thoughts being, “The world – all of reality – revolves around me, right?! My upbringing was normal, right?! So why the fuck do these people with such a strange, abnormal life get to be so happy?! Why aren't they miserable and suffering and being hurt?! Pain is perfection, right?! How the fuck can things be so perfect without pain?! It HAS to be a facade like it was for me! …Right…?! Why are their smiles real but mine never was?! Why did I never get that childhood when I'M supposed to be the center of EVERYTHING?”

Julius can't handle thinking about it further, a mental block goes up, he forces a convincing and warm smile but quickly retreats – unable to stand thinking any longer and either destroys things in a rage once alone or more likely …finds some poor undeserving random person to take his rage out on.

3.)

I've never released this information before despite it being part of Julius’s canon for well over a year now. This is the reason Julius was so traumatized by having his children with Emily.

When Julius was 15 in the asylum, he wound up having a 16 year old girl as a roommate due to the only bed being open – and Julius being admitted in an emergency – the two wound up being roommates despite different genders.

To make a long story short (Hellbound gets much deeper into this however and explains everything, including why she had the thought process), he did not consent to her climbing top of him nearly every night for months. As we all know, bodies react beyond our control and very commonly happens to AMAB folks during unwanted sexual contact. Julius had that experience of his body reacting despite him not wanting it - which only made it more traumatic. His roommate very wrongfully had the interpretation Julius enjoyed it and she was making him happy.

Killian is the only one who knows and only because he saw the interaction. Bringing it up to Julius is just an absolute no, under no circumstances.

When Julius was 17, she showed up at the pub he was working at…with a baby. Memories came flooding back that Julius had suppressed because Julius had developed the automatic coping mechanism of shutting down and dissociating the second he was touched in an unwanted way.

Understandably, he flipped out and said she had the wrong person. Unnecessarily, he threatened to end her and every person she cared about if he ever saw her again, and flashed his pistol. Then immediately ran off to the place he always went when he was upset.

The experience was so traumatic especially due to all the abuse by Lucien he'd been put through while at the asylum as well was just too much to handle. The fact there was a living person out there – and now likely descents of the person – is a constant reminder of that time.

Julius lived in fear of ever seeing her or the child ever again – and now fears running into descents. He never did see her, the child, and to his knowledge has never seen any descendants of said child. All babies and children remind him of all this all too vividly.

• Again, I need to specify a few things:

And now you know!

A.) Julius doesn't hate teenagers; therefore this does not reflect how he feels about teenagers. He mainly just finds teenagers annoying and avoids them because of this.

B.) Julius doesn't target children or teenagers as victims. He avoids even being near children (as I'm about to explain) and avoids teens as I mentioned above. Additionally, they just are utterly irrelevant to his MO as a serial killer.

C.) This doesn't mean he cares about them at all.

D.) During his time as a human, he was psychologically and physically abusive towards his own children – though he was absent and negligent more than anything. He has not intentionally and/or directly harmed any other minors (excluding when he was a minor himself).

[aihoshiino]

Ai's bio dad was quite a nice person according to the newest interview in Da Vinci magazine, at this point I don't even know what to think about this whole situation anymore. Did Aka just retcon Ai's background setup?

First off the bat: holy shit thank you so much for pointing me to this interview! I had absolutely no idea it even existing so seeing a whole four pages of an in character interview with Ai... Merry fucking Christmas to me!!! I've archived the translation from 4chan and plan to make it accessible on Tumblr once I'm home. If I can get ahold of the magazine or some scans I'll also do a proper TL myself!

That said, this isn't a contradicton to me at all. I think there's some confusion here and that people are conflating two characters but "Ai's biodad" is not the same person as "Ayumi's boyfriend" - Ai explicitly states that she was only living with her mother back then and it seems like her spending time with her father wasn't something that happened often. This only makes sense if her parents were separated. In addition, when Ayumi was arrested, Ai was put into a children's home rather than her father's care and Viewpoint B states that it was her mom's side of the family specifically who were in talks to adopt her. This makes it pretty implicit that her dad was unable or unwilling to care for her.

Not only that but like... the context that her dad is being discussed here is also important. It's a spinning off of a previous question, where the interviewer asks if she has any time childhood memories and Ai says this:

"Let's see... I do remember my dad. It wasn't something thathappened often, but this one time,went to the grocery store and bought some natto. Then took the plastic from it, wrapped it in seaweed and he said "oh you did it well", that made me happy. That's why, even to this day, I'm quite skilled at wrapping food in seaweed."

Really think about what's being asked here. When pressed for a happy childhood memory, the best Ai can come up with on the spot is "my dad got me cheap grocery store food and praised me for eating it neatly". That's all she can scrounge up. Something that should be a total non event in the life of any other happy child - something even the interviewer calls "trivial" - stands out enough in Ai's memory as something to remember and treasure in comparison to the rest of her life.

That doesn't scan as her dad being especially nice to me - just that the bar was in hell and by not being actively physically abusive and neglectful to her, he was treating her better than the other adults in her life. But this is still the same woman who describes herself in her most honest and raw moments as someone who has never loved or been loved by anyone, so he clearly wasn't *that* good of a dad. If anything, his presence in Ai's life just reinforces what I've been saying all this time: that every single adult in her life who had the responsibility to love and care for her failed to do so and that this chain of neglect goes all the way back to her parents.

So yeah, this really doesn't read as a retcon to me in the sense that anything has meaningfully changed or been altered - it's a case of her history being fleshed out with things that were maybe not a part of it before, but I don't think that necessarily counts as retconning.

[februaryschopin]

(audience booing track) okay hear me out before you guys throw your tomatoes at me because i killed off a previous chara i had just HEAR ME OUT… as always i’m 9688385 dms behind but trust me i will get back to you all one like at a time :-) it’s me anwar (not hadid) + thank u! yapping below on a particular visitor from allara!

liam fanning-ngoc, 25 / general (footnotes wip if i ever get to it lmao)

ENTER the life of a former weird boy (still is actually) from the allara server and more specifically from boston, massachusetts, usa where finding a wasian of irish and hoa vietnamese chinese descent is as easy as 1-2-3. his parents had a meet-cute back in their college days so whenever liam tells people how his white dad and asian mother met he’s always met with dreaded questions alluding to his dad going out of his way to find an asian wife (you know what i’m talking about don’t play with me) and liam’s like “yo dude what are u talking about lmao my dad met my mom on accident in boston college’s dining hall”. SO the now berklee college of music professor marries his long time girlfriend, a vietnamese chinese immigrant woman from terra who’s a musical therapist for children

all was technically well until some unaddressed hiccups concerning their marriage tho? as in cultural differences and backlash on the mother’s end who refuses to fully assimilate to allaran/american society which didn’t translate too well for the white side of his family that are “pseudo true” americans as far as having more than 4+ grandparents who were born in allara. so plenty of misunderstanding stemming from xenophobia and liam’s dad is a deadbeat emotionally especially bringing up the fact that liam is very visibly mixed looking and not at all white passing (more on that with his first cousin on the fanning side of the family *side eyes emoji*) which made him the butt of the joke for shitty “stinky lunches” and anti-viet/sinophobic sentiment while growing up overweight and as a continual afterthought

his dad is an amazing lover, a wonderful husband, a love bomber to infinity which is probably what convinced his mother!! BUT.. the downside like we mentioned above is having an emotionally neglectful/deadbeat dad who simply filed an app to terrascape for a kid by the expectations of his wife (lowkey to shut her up hahahahshafjgj ah shit) and the same shitty tired ass excuse of being “married to his work/career” comes into question. bro can’t name any of the 2 childhood friends liam grew up with, but his mother can. after a certain age his father ends up not knowing a damn thing about his kid and i think. at the end of the day. it’s because he’s unable to fathom his son’s biracial identity and refuses to help confront his son’s difficulties.. with such? especially considering that his wife raises liam with a strong arm because she REFUSES to have a useless whitewashed child that embarrasses her so.

this is the part where liam’s dad starts to hate his wife who is a person outside of being an object of his desires which is fucked as we all know and spoiler alert: he doesn’t have the fucking balls to break up/divorce her because men love making their problems everyone else’s so :-) but do keep in mind that liam’s mom isn’t emotionally avail either, very much the “here’s some fruit i cut for you” immigrant mother after she emotionally abuses you because she always thinks what’s best for her is what’s best for You so no she’s a mother who never apologizes but will. cut up some damn fruit or cook his fave northern viet dishes for him and it’s probably why liam was a fat lil boy

he’s def that weird kid you shared an honors class with that people just left alone after making shitty jokes about? but you feel kinda bad for him despite not knowing much about him? liam grew up on making friends from rpg games, forums, aside from the 2 buddies he’s known all his life. he was a band kid and was fairly good at playing the upright bass, but didn’t have aspirations to pursue music the same manner his parents did. instead he’s working on his 20th-21st century comic book/manga collection and can flawlessly imitate the voice of bruce lee speaking in english (and LOVED play fighting with his loser friends after binge watching 1970s hong kong martial arts movies).

tho eventually he stops feeling bad for himself (which honestly partial to blame is america’s amazing job at emasculating asian men which is totally a conditioned culprit!!!) and ends up losing the weight upon sophomore year of college, gains an interest in fitness and attempts to finding a personal style which honestly still he’s not really fashion conscious. painfully looks like a frat boy and is used to the allegations but the fuck ass loser in him hasn’t left, but he realizes how people treat him in the last recent years due to being relatively conventionally handsome(?) and only hot people get to be weird and have niche interests apparently

AND ALAS it’s been three years since he graduated from umass boston with a vietnam + ireland flag sash draped around his neck lookin like a goof but reppin hard for both sides lmfao and rn he lives in the megabuildings with a roommate (plot? anyone?)! a bachelor’s in communications + marketing with a minor in digital arts. since he was a kid he used to mess around on a hand-me-down terra-esque-photoshop-based-software and since then i’m afraid we having the coming of herb lubalin except in the year 3024. bro was making his family homemade birthday card graphics, eventually websites and now is working on prototype designs for apps, etc. he works for the gaming company that has launched the ever so successful iron fist which has been his latest project atm and man is he psyched, so much that he was offered to position in their physical office in terra’s server so long as he migrates with the proper visitation/work documents AND YEAAAH i’ll quit yapping here bg-wise but i can happily :-) expand if needed be. i fucking love expanding..

personality

truthfully and i know i always say this but he’s definitely leaning towards the ambivert side of people, give him a topic that he’s well informed on/interested or if you guys have a common interest then BOOM. it’s all over, i fear that you have a yapper in him. but that aside genuinely quite friendly aaaaaaand keenly leans into his intuition too a lot of the time? naturally curious about people and things so believe me when i say he just Has to fuck around and find out or else it’ll kill him to not? want to do that? very trustworthy, almost just as reliable, enjoys being someone’s rock or pillar to lean on because he didn’t have that as much growing up so it’s really the least that he can do. half a strategic planner, half a “fuck it we ball get up everyone today’s the day”, one hundred percent hypocritical and conflicting and very much a social/emotional chameleon. despite being a yapper also do trust me when i say that his yapping is purposeful (the aquarius mercury is doing so much heavy lifting in his chart). uh also is pro-terra bc bro is not tryna die out he just would like to enjoy his time in this simulated reality so!! idk man people hate him for his boyish whimsical nature but that’s neither here or there

[beansmakesthings]

You 🫵

Yes you

Give me your Penny Lamb headcanons (legoland)

Boy, what happened to 'hello' and 'please'. I have a name, you know /lh

I will preface this one by saying I think it's very funny if Legoland Penny and RTC Penny exist in the same universe as separate people and all my hcs are approached from that perspective. Cool? Cool.

This one is also just random general stuff and will feature some vague references to parental abuse and mental health issues. Cause you know, it's Legoland.

- RTC Penny started calling her 'PB' when she found out she had a crush on Constance. As in, she's the future Penny Blackwood. (I will refer to her as PB for the rest of this for clarity)

- Yes this means there's a Penny Lamb dating Ocean and a Penny Lamb dating Constance. I just think it's funny.

- PB and Ezra'a parents were neglectful at best days and cruel at worst. PB did everything in her power to keep their attention off of Ezra and took care of him as best as she could. As a result, she's a lot more affected by their childhood than Ezra is.

- She has a bad habit of getting into fights as she has pretty poor emotional regulation due to her childhood trauma (see biting Johnny Moon in the face) and the internal anger over being unable to stop it. She's going to therapy and has improved considerably, but she still sometimes has a tendency to lash out at people who bother her.

- PB and Penny absolutely hated each other at first. It was just plain creepy. Both from somewhere a little outside Uranium City, have the same name, both have parental problems, both subject to bullying, both autistic, it just rubbed them the wrong way. They eventually grew to like each other though.

- PB still has a legally enforced curfew she has to follow as part of the court order after the Johnny Moon incident. This is a great travesty as it means she can't join any choir sleepovers.

- When Constance finally cracked and told PB all about the warehouse after the Cyclone accident and coming back to life (she felt guilty lying and hiding it from her), PB took it rather well. She once used her brother's money from selling his ADHD meds to cross the boarder into the States, snuck into a bar, and attacked a celebrity once, so who is she to decide whether or not 6 people collectively remembering God in the form of a fortune machine making them perform a musical for a rat was a real event or just mass hysteria? Weird things happen all the time. She's just glad they're all alive either way.

- PB loves going into the woods and finding little bugs and frogs and things. She takes pictures of everything and gives them all names

- She has no idea where the whole 'PB' thing came from, but literally everyone except Ezra calls her that at this point and she DOESN'T GET IT

- Constance usually shortens the PB nickname even further and just calls her Peebs. It's so far from her own name at this point that it's kind of frustrating, but she can't convince anyone to stop (Constance is also in on where it comes from and thinks it's adorable)

- PB has no idea how most teenagers dress and has never been in on a trend in her life (aside from Seven Up and we all know how that turned out) so she usually dresses like a 70s hippie

- She has a tendency to bring home wild animals and try to sneak them into her room. She once hid a family of raccoons in her closet

- PB formed a weird friendship with Ocean that almost entirely relies on comparing their shitty drug addict parents

- PB absolutely loves music. It's so stimmy. Once she's out in the world and becomes friends with the Saint Cassian Chamber Choir, she's being introduced to more music than she ever knew existed. She loves watching the choir perform and loves being in a car with any one of them and cranking their music until she can feel the bass in her chest.

- Constance keeps telling PB she could join the choir if she wants. They have plenty of room for her. PB declines because, while she can hold a tune and play ukulele, she doesn't like singing nearly enough to get in front of so many people and open herself up to judgement. She prefers to listen, so she'll just sit in the front row, thanks.

- PB does not like eye contact and will never look anyone in the eye ever unless she has no choice

- PB and Ezra were featured in one of Mischa's rap songs on YouTube

- Elysium didn't have a lot of modern technology so PB is terrible with most of it. She can barely use her phone without getting trapped in the notes app and panicking and needing someone to fix it

- Since she was homeschooled and kind of got to pick whatever she found most interesting to learn about, PB is incredibly knowledgeable about a lot of history and biology, but is god awful at math. She's pretty convinced she'll fail grade 12 math because what the hell is a parabola?

[syrena-del-mar]

A Jungian Perspective on La Pluie

Saturday... It really wouldn't be Saturday if La Pluie didn't decide to serve me some heartache with a side of Tien. We're finally getting to the crux that that has been plaguing our characters. La Pluie has been positing this question of since the first episode: How do you choose who to love?

Since last week, I can't help but think of the transformation all four of our protagonists are undergoing due to the love or idea of love that they hold. Honestly, you can utilize any form of psychology to analyze media, but this time around I couldn't help but pull towards Jungian psychology, due to its more mystic and spiritual roots (especially in the conversation of love) that I find so fitting with the plot of La Pluie. This will not be an exhaustive study of Jungian theories on romantic love, but more of a focus on a couple of specific Carl Jung quotes that I find to be analogous, so I will be diving into those.

Explaining Jungian Theory on Love and Life

Simplified, Jungian theory holds that there are three elements that make up the human psyche: the ego, the personal unconscious, and the collective unconscious. Jung found that to fully realize one's talents and potentialities, humans have to integrate the conscious and the unconscious. He referred to this theory as 'individuation' and held that individuation would only begin when the human experiences a 'crisis', because of the emotional power of crisis breaks down the ego and initiates questions regarding meaning of life and self. The ultimate goal, under Jung's theory, is to become a fully realized state of self-hood and individuation is what allows one to become fully-realized by combining the ego, personal and collective unconscious through the experiences one has.

Romantic relationships, while unable to be reduced, contribute to one's ability to become fully realized. Jung held that love can be a crisis, as Eros is the creator of all higher consciousness and humans are the victims of cosmogonic love. Fundamentally, to be fully fulfilled, two humans seek a psychic relation with one another, because of an awareness that love will fulfill the spirit and the spirit needs love. Now the journey in finding that love and the experiences you have during while being in love is what really determines how you develop as a human. As a result, falling in love can shatter the ego and experiencing ego death allows one to develop into the transformed self.

Some other accompanying Jungian theories that is necessary to understand for my analysis are the following:

Ego death, while not explicitly stated in Jungian theory, leads to the dissolution of the false or constructed self that is built upon societal expectations, conditioning and attachments. Essentially, through the stripping of one's egoic identity, a more authentic nature is revealed, resulting in a profound shift in consciousness. Ego death results in the ego transcendence and expansion allowing integration of the ego with the conscious and unconscious, which Jung's mainly focused on.

Shadow refers to the repressed aspects of an individual's personality, the parts of ourselves that we deny, disown, or suppress because they are unacceptable, immoral, or incompatible with our self-image. It consists of both negative aspects, such as anger, greed, and jealousy, as well as positive qualities that we may have neglected or denied. Integration of the shadow does not mean indulging in destructive or harmful behaviors, but rather embracing the totality of who we are and finding constructive ways to express and channel those repressed aspects.

Chemical Reactions with Tai, Tien, Patts, and Lomfon

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: If there is any reaction, both are transformed."

Through the transformative reaction of love, one may learn to distinguish between who they really are and the image that is forced upon them or what they imagine themselves to be. Just as chemical substances cause a reaction that transforms the substances, he theorizes that if two personalities come together, both individuals are similarly transformed. He holds that personal growth and development can only occur when two humans are able to have an authentic and meaningful connection. Through loving another, this includes their shadow aspects, we learn to love the shadow aspects in ourselves.

First, let's talk about Patts and Tai, the couple that is/was most apparently destined to be together.

Even before knowing that they were soulmates, Patts had an immediate attraction to Tai. An attraction so intense that he was willing to throwaway the soulmate connection for Tai, without even an ounce of awareness that Tai was his soulmate. Meanwhile, Tai was facing his internal battles long before even meeting Patts face-to-face. He was in constant struggle with his "shadow" self, because of his conscious rejection of the soulmate bond. Tai's rejection and suppression manifested through his silence, an active denial of the condition that bonded them. The moment that Patts walked into that café, Tai's perception on their condition and willingness to love changed. Tai's parent's divorce didn't only bring the soulmate connection into question, but also love and human connection. Bow made that explicitly clear about Tai.

Much like when chemicals meet, Tai and Patts were converted and rearranging their perceptions about their conditions and their willingness in regards to love. They wouldn't have undergone this process if it wasn't the other at the end, their willingness to change their understanding and start the process to transform was because it was Tai and because it was Patts.

The meeting of two personalities does not indicate that just anyone will cause this 'chemical reaction' to occur. We see this through Patts and Nara relationship, as well Lomfon and Tai's non-relationship. There is no question that Patts really did love Nara, the pain of his breakup with her is testament to the love that he had for her. [@lurkingshan had a great post about Patts and Nara's relationship]. Yet, Nara's insecurity with the idea of Patt's having a soulmate didn't change even when Patts swore he was committed to her. There was no conversion or sudden change in their perception that could overcome the obstacle of the rain connection, instead there was just the collapse of their relationship. Now in episode 10, we see that Lomfon finally tells Tai about their connection and Tai doesn't question the relationship he has with Patts. He still held that he was in love with Patts and the sudden connection with Lomfon didn't change his feelings towards him, the only shift was his understanding of how the rain connection worked.

Moving onto Lomfon and Tien. Quite literally, the moment that we met them, we saw the reactions that they were causing one another right off the bat. Their personalities, on the surface, absolutely did not match. If this was actual chemistry, their chemical reaction would be more of a combustion.

Lomfon struggles with a similar shadow at Patts and Tai, but to a more volatile degree with his distaste for the idea that his condition would somehow lead to his soulmate. Yet, it's still a question that plagues his mind as we saw in Episode 10. He's struggling with and Tien's relentless belief in the idea of soulmates is threatening his own ideals. He's built himself up to be a skeptic, or an atheist as @shortpplfedup stated, and the fact that he has not one but two soulmates all of a sudden. On top that he is self-aware of his developing attraction and feelings towards Tien, and he even seeks his opinion and like always, Tien's reasoning is opposite that of Lomfon's.

Tien, on the other hand, has the most different shadow to deal with than the rest. His temper and brashness is at the forefront, a shield of sorts, that he utilizes to keep people from stepping in and getting to know him. And it works, it works so well, that he's sidelined by almost every single important person in his life. He's self-sacrificing, generous and over-attentive of others to a fault, and to his own detriment. He uses his light (the brashness, etc.) to hide his true emotions and he neglects himself. Lomfon comes in and challenges his understanding of soulmates and offers him what nobody else has done in his life, a place where he can actually display his emotions. Tien is an enigma, he's friendly but never truly open to the others. Lomfon is playing an important hand in unraveling the walls that Tien has built for himself.

Tien, Tai, Lomfon, and even Patts are embarking the journey of overcoming their ego-death to reach self-discovery. Tien's understandings, plus idealism, surrounding soulmates are being shaken and the walls that he had laid down for Lomfon are likely going to be rebuilt higher and even more impenetrable. His brashness had been beat at the cost of his sincerity being disregarded. Tai has destroyed the ultimate connection that tied Lomfon, Patts, and him together. He finally made a choice, but that also means he's truly alone for the first time since the night that his parents divorced. Patts has finally had his cool and collected demeanor ripped away, unintentionally. He suffered seven years of silence, after finally reaffirming his love for Tai being beyond their mutual condition, he's back to being shut out. Lomfon... I'm with @bengiyo on this one... Talk shit, get hit. For all his rationality that he poses with Tien, he's really the one that has reacted the most from his heart rather than his mind.

Now that all four of them are undergoing their ego death, the question that remains to be seen is if they are going to make it out in tatters or will they come out with a deeper understanding of themselves and their partners?

Choices, choices and more choices

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Jung's understanding of personal growth revolves on the idea that while individuals are shaped by their past experiences and external circumstance, one can overcome themselves, through conscious choice and self-determination. The ability to choose allows humans to have the possibility of transcending their limitations and shaping their own identity and the future that strive to fulfill. Rather than leaving one's fate at the hands of fate, Jung's theory encourages to take responsibility for their lives by making intentional choices, taking an active role in shaping their own lives leading to higher self.

The choices made, and the (pseudo-)lack of choices made, were so apparent in episode 10 that it was almost painful to watch. @liyazaki has a great analysis on Tai's choice in this episode where he chooses to break his own pre-determined destiny. For someone like Tai, who has actively chosen to take a back-seat in his life, this was supposed to be a turning point for him. While he's choosing to not be a product of his pre-determined environment, he's failing to take the front seat driver side in his love life. Like @ginnymoonbeam said, Tai is incredibly conflict-averse while Patts very much prefers to address conflict. Tai's avoidance is still very much a choice and it's a choice that ultimately not only lead to the destruction of the connection but also to the breaking of his relationship. He could have chosen Patts, much like Patts implored, but he didn't, he ran. His choice of running ultimately left him alone, mirroring the night that his parents announced their divorce. His choice gave him what he thought he wanted, but isolation was never the key to his happiness, and I think he realizes that now in the aftermath. [@sunshinechay has a great deep dive into Tai's state of mind after the bond has broken due to his choice]

With Tai's silence, Patts is driven to a point where he cannot just continue to be patient. I'll be honest, I'm going to refer a lot to @lurkingshan's post about the guys and their conflict style for Patts' portion, just because I'm much less well-versed in who he is as a character. Before even making any choice, Patts does what any reasonable lover would do, he double checks with Tai. He checks in to see if Tai is where he said he would be. Like @lurkingshan said, he finally thought there was a sense of trust and understanding between them two and instead he's met with lies after lies. He questions why it was so hard for Tai to choose him, why Tai couldn't just say something. Something that would explain how their whole relationship became twisted, but instead he was met with Tai's silence and when Tai does speak, it's an ultimatum. While Tai offers the bait of breaking up, Patts is the one that makes the choice for them. Just as Tai never explicitly chose him in this episode, Patts ultimately doesn't chose to continue with Tai either. No matter how much you profess your love, when you're presented by an ultimatum and silence, how much is there to salvage? Patts chooses to stop catering to Tai, to stop coddling him, because Patts has his own needs and insecurities that are not being met. It takes two to tango and today, Tai didn't show up, so Patts made the choice to surrender.

Arguably, the only one that didn't make a choice or was even granted a chance to make a choice before hell broke loose was Tien. Instead, he was collateral damage to the choice that Lomfon made. His confession, was not so much a choice as it was a reaction to the combustion that occurred and he was left helpless to watch. And the pseudo-choice that he did make, incurred by the hypothetical question that Lomfon provided, was made without all the details. Tien made a pseudo-choice with a bias that Lomfon was already aware he had, instead of posing the question with the inclusion that he had two soulmates which could have shaken Tien's answer, Lomfon formed the question in a way he knew how Tien would answer. Instead, Tien becomes accidental casualty of his environment due to always being on the outskirts. The only choice he made this time was to not stick around for his pain to be visibly seen or felt. Lomfon was the only one that had seen him at his worst, at his most fragile, and this time he walks away.

Lomfon... Again, where to start with this kid. If I think Tien had no choice, I think Lomfon, on the other hand, made way too many. The main choice that really seemed the most intentional was his choice to kiss Tai. @heretherebedork really hit it on the nail, rather than the soulmate bond (that he presumably would have thrown away to explore things with Tien), it was his choice of holding the significance of the keychain, of their original meeting, higher than his feelings with Tien or even the soulmate connection. For all the scientific and factual hot-takes that he makes regarding the idea of soulmates, he still chose to pursue the idea of fate. While he might be skeptic of the rain anomaly, he doesn't choose to be a skeptic of the keychain coincidence.

The Jungian theory about intentional choices is that they form who one wants to become. It emphasizes personal agency and the ability to transform oneself, something that is a bit counterintuitive to the idea that the deafness and connection with someone in the rain leads to your soulmate. All four of them have the potential for growth and to consciously shape their destiny, yet ironically, the most skeptical about fate, of the four, made a choice based on the idea of destiny. Personal growth isn't linear, but making a choice is a start.

Bright light in a dim world

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."

Jung's understanding of human existence depends on the idea of the primary of our lives to bring forth 'inner illumination' in the existential darkness that can accompany mere existence. The "darkness of mere being" refers to a state of existence where individuals may feel disconnected, lost, or lacking a sense of purpose or meaning. It is a condition of living without tapping into our deeper nature or engaging with the depths of our psyche. By kindling a light within, one's creativity and individuality, one can bring awareness, consciousness, and meaning to their lives. This inner light is a source of inspiration, growth, and transformation.

We've finally reached the moment where any ounce of happiness or loudness that Saengtien would have mustered has been lost. In the aftermath of the fight, he's left to pick up the pieces of his brother again. Only this time, he's learning that the one that he likes didn't have him in mind. Much like his name, where a candlelight can be indispensable in the darkness, it can also be snuffed out just as easily. Tien, who's in the outside looking in throughout his whole life as the third child in his family, is also left disconnected by the one he likes. No matter how much Lomfon had liked Tien, even without Tien knowing, he didn't think of him when he found out that Tai was the one that saved him. Tien has become the afterthought. The first person to reach out and attempt to uncover his mask, is the same person that verbalizes the position that Tien is always left in. An outsider.

"What does that have to do with you?" Seven simple words that are arranged in the only way that it could truly pain Tien.

Tien, who masks his pain under his brashness and his prickly self, who hides his own feelings for the happiness of those who he loves. After all the mistakes that Lomfon has committed, Tien still pauses the moment that Lomfon states that he was in pain. Yes, Lomfon fucked up and hurt his brother, but Tien also cares about Lomfon's happiness and he would still put Lomfon's feelings before his own. Until Tien's own insecurities were used against him, even if it was unintentional. Tien has done everything in his power to be the 'candlelight' in the darkest times for everyone else. And for once, he thought he found someone that would be that same beacon of light in his own life. Instead that possibility was extinguished and his sad reality was thrown in his face.

This time around Tien needs to be more careful with his 'candlelight', he needs to learn to put himself first, to finally say what he truly feels and not prioritize the feelings of others over his own. He's pieced himself together to be the person that everyone can depend on, but that meant giving up who he really was. He got trapped into being the odd man out, an outlander in his own home and in his love life, because he never prioritized himself. To find that inner illumination in the mere darkness of life, he has to learn that his happiness is just as important and to strive towards achieving it. Once he learns this, he can also grow and become self-realized.

Final Thoughts

Tai, Tien, Patts, and Lomfon are all in their own journey of self-discovery in a world that treats a condition, that connects you to another person while it rains, as a sign of destiny and fate. La Pluie really does trope subversion really well and brings into question whether a designation of fate is sufficient to establish a relationship. Relationships require work and a mystical attachment cord does not just get rid of that. The four of them are only starting to realize that and hopefully, they come out of this better people. Whether that means together or separate, their meetings will change them in one way or another, and that's not simply because of destiny. You have to put the work in to better yourself, and the people that you meet are only catalysts.

[livsspecialinterests]

don't really know what I'm writing or why but it's 0350am and I'm sitting in bed unable to get back to sleep having a weird slight panic

idk whether I'm feeling a bit of a writing slump because I know that the dead should stay dead still has quite a way to go and some part of me worries that by the time I've gotten at the very least to the next big plot point a lot of people may very well have lost interest in the fandom

like I know it's silly because there's probably always going to be some sort of fandom around BJTM but this little community means so much to me and has meant so much to me during a really difficult and life altering time, I mean for gods sake I started writing fics to try to figure out my own meltdowns

plus at this point I really have no other strong interests, idk maybe I'll get super into Doctor Who again with the specials and the new series starting but I've really gone hard on the One Interest

I really love the last few chapters of the dead should stay dead but it's felt a bit different writing them. maybe it's because I feel a little guilty spending whole days on chapters when I've got so much that I need to do for work (I know it sounds sad but there's exams, portfolio etc), plus I'd really like to give writing original fiction another go

there's also that gnawing fear that the fandom is going to like... vanish, which again is probably not true in its entirety but once the tour ends I can see some people falling off or finding another thing

also people leaving or drifting away from the fandom is a completely okay thing to do I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad if that's what they want to do

it's also not to say that people are obliged to engage with or comment on my fics or hell even read them, of course no one *has to* do anything in fandom it's a bunch of people just having fun

I know I should just write for my own fun and enrichment but external validation is nice, okay? plus these past few weeks the external validation and thinking 'no, I want to write this for the people who are reading the fic and want to know what happens next' have been big motivators

my main motivator used to be this absolutely unstoppable creative drive and love for the show and it's characters (which is still there, I'm unfortunately going to love this silly show until the day I die I think) but this past week I've found that I'd rather study for my work exams than spend time writing a few paragraphs

if I cool it off a little with the frequency of chapter updates it'll probably be a net good for me, I really need to buckle down and get these exams passed, I need to start actually engaging in planning my career because I think in my head I've been thinking I might get a book published one day and as a result I've been sort of half neglecting the actual really decent career I've got

but also my mental health is so much better, I've mostly healed from a lot of my late diagnosed autistic trauma, plus work is actually quite good right now?

maybe more of my writing for BJTM fics was motivated by being mentally ill than I originally thought, and maybe I don't *need* to write fics anymore but I want to and I want to still love writing fics as much as I did back when I was having that difficult time, where it was a huge personal comfort to be able to write Beej having a hard time in very specific ways and have other people comfort him

I have said to my husband that I'll probably cool it with the fics once I've finished the dead should stay dead and am going to focus my creative energy on something original to see where that goes but there's still so much to go on the dead should stay dead..

that silly little fic has become like my baby, I want to write it all, flesh out the characters before the next Big Thing happens, I want to do my ideas justice but I also want to make sure there are people still in the fandom to read it once I get to that point

again I'm super tired it's the middle of the night and I'm rambling, I don't want to imply that anyone reading this should carry on reading something they don't enjoy, and I don't even think the number of people reading the fic has even gone down, I've just woken up this morning full of dread for the fandom changing because, fandom and interests wise, BJTM is kind of all I've got right now.

I didn't really belong to a fandom for years after BBC Sherlock ended and I realised while watching the 4th series that it wasn't that good there was just a very passionate fan base and that's what I likes (I know, I know), BJTM was the first thing I got really into for ages and the first thing I got really into while figuring out what it was that I got *really into* stuff (autism)

obviously no one has to stick around in a fandom for the benefit of a silly autistic fanfic author whos terrified of change, and please, please don't think that's what I'm implying or what I want

ughh idk what I'm even writing, I should probably just reach out more to people but doing that is scary without the buffer of a fic

I should also probably invest more time in doing stuff irl but I know that no hobby gives me the joy that writing gives me, like when I'm really vibing with something there really are few better things for me than being safe at home and writing

also maybe I should try to get into some other stuff but I don't really want to but equally I know the BJTM fandom isn't going to last forever I just.... 🙃

the silly musical and the silly community that has sprung up around it and making art and writing fics for it has saved me in so many ways I'm just scaaarrreedddd (and also tired and typing this at 4am so I might be being dramatic for nothing, plus I know I struggle with assuming any fleeting emotion is going to last forever, maybe I'll feel different in a weeks time idk)

anyway I'm going to try to get a little bit more sleep because I've got to be up for work at 6 for my actual grownup job that I should probably pay more attention to

(this is also totally not some way to subtly say I'm not going to finish the dead should stay dead BTW, I love that fic and I'm proud of what it is and what I've got planned for it, so to the people who are still reading please don't worry 💜)

[forgetmenot1057]

What is the shape of water ?

What is the shape of love ?

I cannot believe that Guillermo del Toro’s first(and only) romance movie portrayed the most isolated members of our society during the cold war: an unemployed closeted-gay artist, a black female janitor and an orphaned mute Elisa who falls in love with an amphibian creature. Seriously Del Toro never disappoints, I knew he wouldn’t just make an ordinary romance movie.

Guillermo del Toro always depicts the way a historical event or an era impacts an individual’s life. He likes to fuse this idea with fantasy and myth. (E.g. Pan’s labyrinth/Spanish civil war) While his depiction of the reality is cruelly straightforward and sharp(the rotting finger of Strickland), the mythical components are laid out very delicately.

So when I see the transition into the black and white fantasy of Elisa singing and dancing to “You’ll never know”… I cannot stop my tears from falling all over my face.

This fantasy scene is so musical and beautiful creating a sharp contrast with the depiction of her reality. Up to this point, Elisa had somewhat coped with her desires by masturbating every morning, watching musicals and listening to radios. But now that she is in love, she faces some true frustration of her “incompleteness”. She can’t say ‘I love you’ so she thinks that ‘[he]’ll never know’ her love.

But here is what Elisa does not know: when she sees that the amphibian creature is “happy to see her”, “does not see her incompleteness” and that “they are the same” what is he looking at then?

He is looking right back at Elisa trying to make him happy, teaching him sign language, saving him and showing her last action of love: to release him.

Elisa thinks that her disability hinders the expression of her feelings. Nevertheless this is not true. He sees, and the audience sees so painfully clearly her true love for him.

I will always love this movie and Guillermo del Toro for showing that the loneliest people who are neglected by the society also desire for love and to be seen.

Also, now that Big is not here anymore, I empathize with Elisa releasing her lover to the river even more. Because letting someone you love go is an ultimate act of love.

The first time I watched this movie, I thought of you, Big (in fact you were right next to me). I thought it was because you were not human but today I realize that it was because I loved you.

Now that you are gone, I feel like you have become a part of me. I am still lost and lonely but I feel your presence. Today, this quote resonates with me on a different level of understanding.

“Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere.”

The Shape of Water

2019

[crown-bearers-of-the-new-faith]

Narinders Backstory: A life of neglect

Or how a simple black cat became a god

[Part 2]

[trigger warnings: neglect / abuse/ trauma ]

As the tall brown hound took me in, all I knew was that I lost my family forever. One way or another I knew I'll never see them again. It was terrifying. I was just a kit.

I still remember how my sister cried before I left. She might have been my baby sister but we were equals to eachother in a way.

I was not given as a child to keep. I was they house help. A child of 4- perhaps 5 years old. I had to learn to clean. The old house help they had, a kanary bird, was too old to bend down. She taught me what to do, but she was not kind either. Neither her or the family I came in.

Every day was a new hell. The early waking was not a thing for me, but the constant work without a break wrecked my already weak body.

"You'll get stronger if you work harder" they said as I felt my joints fall apart as I was lifting the heavy weaponry. A child of five. Bringing several swords. Sure, call it strong. I still have trouble standing straight now.

Sometimes I was denied food for days, until I almost dropped from the way my body weakened. They called it disciplining me, for making mistakes. Saying that way I'd learn. Saying I was worthless anyway. Why did I believe it?

Perhaps they were right. They were not the first or last ones to call me that. Perhaps I was never meant to be-

Fuck why am I contemplating that now.

Back to the plot... let's think... where was I... my memory of my past is getting foggier every day. Hundreds? Thousands of years ago?

Well...

One day when I was perhaps 7, I was busy cleaning out the chimney. I knew that some of the ash would stay in my fur. It was hard anyway to know if the black bits got out of my black hairs.

I heard the master come back in. That bastard. He and the cleanser talk as I was coming down. It was the first time in the whole time that I felt something so strong again. I can not recall the conversation by word, but I do know what happened.

The master spoke about a village burning down. A village of the Phoenix. The one place I came from. Everyone died. The god was dead and the people were unable to keep themselves alive anymore.

My family... my little sisters. They were all gone. My baby sister! The one who always was by my side, reduced to ashes. And that bitch dog was laughing. Laughing how he managed to buy the land off for a pence.

My eyes filled up with tears. My tail slowly swung from side to side. I felt my claws drawn and before I knew it, I ran at the guy, clawing at his face.

"Those are my sister you are talking about! You dirty dog!"

I felt his blood on my paws but as soon as it started it ended. I was not strong enough to keep fighting him, as he quickly swung me at the wall, shouting at my disobedience as I lost my consciousness.

[part 1]

[part 3]

[pekuliar]

HC for Reigen, his sibling, and his childhood

Reigen having a sibling is a pretty common HC!! Most headcanons with Reigen’s older sister/Reigen having a sibling portray the sibling as the “good kid”/“golden child” compared to his loser ass, but mostly based on…….projection from my own childhood……. I’d like to think it’s the opposite. IMO, Reigen was the “good kid” while his sibling was the one who Reigen’s parents probably worried about more

I think it’s quite a common hc too that Reigen’s parents were strict/emotionally neglectful/had unrealistic expectations of their kids, which I totally agree with. Now, here’s some projection and traumadumping to illustrate how children with these parents might grow —

There are a couple ways children survive living with overbearing/strict parents — by running themselves ragged trying to please them, or by accepting the frequent arguments/groundings/bans as part of life. I think Reigen (as I did) chose the former, and his sibling (as my sibling did) chose the latter.

My childhood went something like this: I was seen as the “unproblematic child” with a tendency to be a fast learner wherever it counted. I thrived off being good at things, and being told I was good at things. Classic “you can do anything you set your mind to” child. I wasn’t perfect by far; I just developed a sixth sense for getting away with things — lying, “reading” my parents, finding loopholes, scheduling “coincidences”, and a healthy amount of crying to guilt-trip my teachers.

My sibling, on the other hand, was the opposite — they skipped school, never cared to find any extracurricular clubs, and were always at odds with my parents. They made friends quick though; where I tended to only befriend people I was in the same class/club with, my sibling somehow always had a web of friends spanning multiple schools. Crucially, despite how often they fought with my parents, my sibling almost never lied, instead choosing to go “Yeah, I did that. So what?”, accepting the ensuing arguments.

Because of that, we grew very differently. My sibling is so much more open and sociable, hating environments where he’s made to act more “formal”/“professional”, figuring out early on that you don’t actually need to continually convince people that you matter. On the other hand, I think I’ve habitually covered up any single iota of genuineness inside me. I’m great at making first impressions but bad at actually connecting; I can’t cope with not being busy 100% of the time; I keep obsessively finding new skills to pick up because idk what else I can do. I also don’t have any good coping mechanisms for failure and rejection because, well, why would a “gifted kid” need to learn how to deal with being bad at things?* [*: sarcasm]

Does all this sound familiar?

So yes anyway. I think Reigen is Reigen because he was always good at pleasing his parents/teachers using a combination of deception/manipulation and actually being good at things, and was unable to accept failure/rejection because he’d always found a way to avoid it. And as a result of being unable to accept any outcome below the ideal, he would’ve gotten less and less honest about his own genuine emotions, eventually becoming great at presenting an “impressive” front but terrible at actually genuinely connecting with people.

And so in conclusion — LET CHILDREN BE SHIT AT THINGS. LET CHILDREN SUCK AT SCHOOLWORK/SPORTS/ETC. Literally no one was created to be perfect at everything. Allowing children to fail in a supportive environment doesn’t encourage them to “”underperform””; it makes them so much better at accepting failure and moving forward from it in a safe and non-self-destructive way. Also, forcing kids to be perfect doesn’t make them perfect — it just makes them damn good liars. Idk why this is becoming a parenting PSA from me, a single 24-year-old, but please just. Let children be shit.

[e1dritchqueer]

You mentioned Callisto a little while back and I think drew some art of her too? I just wanted to say I thought it was awesome! I’d love to know more about her if you’d be willing to share!

Awah thank youu! And yes! I'd love to share more!! I always love sharing more about her :333!!!

So she's my character from a Beam Saber game I'm in, called UNITYxEclipse. The basic pitch that I used for her goes as follows:

my character is essentially (or at least started as) Kobeni but in a mech, or Char Aznable if he had panic attacks. (I have some vignettes about her that I've written so I'll just put it there)

She is someone who has been running from the war her entire life but the war has finally caught up to her. She is a desperate and cornered with a knife in her hands And for some terrifying reason she is very good at using that knife

But like yeah, I have this idea of her running from the war her entire life but eventually being unable to escape from it, being forced into it and becoming a rifleman in a botched assault (like the veery first mission of titanfall 2), the assult goes horribly, people die, a mech falls, and she finds shelter in its bloodied cockpit. The next time she opens her eyes she is the only mech standing in a quiet battlefield. And her hands are gripping the controls

In essence, the mech is something she is terrified of. It is the very representation, the very manifestation of the destruction and domination under empire that the war has wrought. It's something she's been running from for her entire life, and for some strange reason, she's bonded with it.

I also have ideas about her inhibiting the facade of the last pilot. I have ideas about the faction that made her a rifleman, the faction that mech and the previous faction are from is some kind of fascist faction, and they likely have very fascist ideas about what a pilot is in their propaganda, in their mythology. Whatever that idealized pilot is, is not her, her existence that she bonded with this mech, that the previous pilot died, is a refutation of that ideology, an error, and that is an error that must be hidden. She is forced to operate under a callsign that is not her own, the callsign of terror, of domination, of that previous pilot. The death of the previous pilot is covered up, it is believed that he is still alive and my character has been completely forced to play the part

Some other interesting details that this pitch neglects to mention is she uses the Ace playbook, which mechanically is super interesting for callisto's themes. I've talked about it elsewhere but it's a playbook all about being able to do more with your vehicle than others, being able to push it more, doing more stuff with it, and most of all, becoming more connected with it. Which to me is REALLY interesting for Callisto because she is VERY much afraid of the Wraith of Deimos (her mech) so having her be in a system where she will inevitably get MORE connected with her mech is really really interesting. Among the many many themes I want to play with for Callisto (Identity, agency of the self, violence, etc.) intimacy is one I REALLY want to explore.

That's like.... the most straight forward pitch of Callisto I probably have on hand and that doesn't even begin to do look at how Callisto has begun to change and transform throughout the game (Which makes her really interesting to talk about!!! And is also something I want to do a write up about). I have a bunch of other info/asks on Callisto through my #oc: calisto noa tag (big shoutouts Ella for sending me a bunch of Callisto asks :3) but yeah!!! That's the basic pitch of her! I love love love love looove infodumping about her so if you have any more questions feel free to send em my way!!! :333

[psychewritesbs]

I wonder how much about being a jujutsu sorcerer megumi had to juggle on his own while having a sister who doesn't seem to be as involved and having gojo as a "mentor" (I use that very loosely lol) I mostly mean this for megumi's mental and emotional state. I don't think he actually talked about how rough being a sorcerer is and just moved forward by building a very personal set of morals. He thinks so lowly of himself in terms of ability, so it makes me think he had a hard time adjusting to the idea that he would one day have to become a sorcerer that could actually make a difference or maybe knowing he was going to be sold influenced this thinking too. I always thought it was sad how a child had to choose becoming a sorcerer in exchange to receive funds for he and sister and offset being sold to the zenins. This may sound like I'm trying to make him seem more tragic, but I imagine he and tsumiki had pretty harsh lives despite not living dirt poor anymore. I just want to pick at his brain to be more honest so this is just a huge word vomit with some level of coherent thought but idk anymore

Just let me inside his head gege please !

HOLA! Thank you sooo much for sharing your Megumi brain rot! This is amazing aaaand it was indeed coherent. 

So many details to unpack for conversation’s sake...

THE MEGUMI BRAINROT BELOW THE CUT:

“I don't think he actually talked about how rough being a sorcerer is and just moved forward by building a very personal set of morals”: 

Oh I love this so much! 

Megumi’s morality is something very interesting to me. And the way you’ve framed the whole thing makes so much sense. 

“A very personal set of morals” is defo something that characterizes him.

I personally see Megumi’s moral compass as very self-serving. What I love about it is that he saves people unequally, and I get the feeling its because he gets emotionally attached to people and is unwilling/unable to let them go. 

“He thinks so lowly of himself in terms of ability, so it makes me think he had a hard time adjusting to the idea that he would one day have to become a sorcerer that could actually make a difference”:

Personally, this is one of the things I find so relatable about him. 

Megumi has massive impostor syndrome and even though he’s so naturally talented (Grade 2 Sorcerer at 15), and even though everyone and their Jujutsu-mom acknowledges and speaks highly of his skill and ability, Megumi is the only one who can't see it. All he can see is “I’ve got this trump card that I can use to win, I’ll die, but at least I’ll win.”

The thing about impostor syndrome is that it is insidious. God, it’s awful to be so naturally talented at something that you don’t even know you’re talented. Spoken from personal experience, when you have impostor syndrome you have this mentality that everyone can do what you’re uniquely capable of doing, that your abilities are not in any way, shape or form special. 

So Impostor Syndrome kind of makes you second-guess yourself, it colors your perception of what is possible for you because you don’t know what you don’t know--in Megumi’s case, even knowing that one of the Zenin ancestors took down an ancestor for the Gojo clan must have been a big surprise. 

I’ll talk more about how Megumi’s mindset could be the result of his history of childhood trauma and neglect later.

And that’s why, in all honesty, seeing his arc unravel is one of my favorite #things ever. 

If you’ve been reading my Megumi brain-rots, then you already know that seeing Megumi become someone who challenged his own sense of self is something I love. But above all, I love how along the way he also learned to value himself and his life.

Not sure how much canon truth there is to this idea, but the way I interpret this change in him is that I feel like when Megumi realized he could accomplish more than he thought was possible, he gained the confidence to value himself and his abilities so that he could fulfill his desire to protect “good people”. After all, he can’t protect “good people” if he’s dead. 

It’s almost like part of his arc has been about him learning to be comfortable with using his very unique abilities to, as you say, “actually make a difference” as a sorcerer. 

So I totally love what you’ve said about how his old sense of self was uncomfortable with the idea of being a hero, someone who “actually makes a difference”. After all, in his mind, how can he make a difference if he doesn’t see the value that he can bring to the table?

We already know Megumi plays small and self-sabotages since he thinks so low of his ability. It’s also like on a subconscious level he can’t handle the pressure of having to “become a sorcerer that could actually make a difference.”

Again, Megumi is so gifted. He’s literally blessed with the family jewel (the 10 Shadows Cursed Technique), but he’s literally limited only by his sense of self. It takes him a whole 60something chapters to realize he can and should make a difference.

Ah, not sure how much of this is head canon but, as you say in your ask: Just let me inside his head gege please !

“Maybe knowing he was going to be sold influenced this thinking too...”

Yeah, totally. 

Psychologically-speaking, a child of the same age when Megumi was abandoned tends to internalize what happens to them as it being their fault. 

Imagine mom abandoned you, so did dad, and now even the other woman who was supposed to take care of you left too. It is likely for a child to internalize this abandonment as something that happened to them because they are not lovable or lovable enough. 

To go back to the idea of how his childhood trauma affected him, the way Megumi is written is that his sense of self reflects the unconscious limiting belief that he is not “worth much” as a person.

And come to think of it, it makes me wonder whether Megumi’s resentment towards Toji comes from him being resentful of how he felt unimportant and unlovable enough for his own father to stick around.

When Gojo shows up at his door, Megumi also demonstrated that he had an understanding of how money works, so by learning he had been sold to the Zenin clan, Megumi probably internalized the idea that he’s a burden to others that isn’t “worth much”. 

Boy, little does he know.

The point is that when you grow up with a limiting belief revolving around your sense of self worth, it typically translates into the kind of behavior that Megumi exhibits--that undervaluing of himself which translates into how he plays small, won’t ask for help from others, and is so easily able to throw away his life because he thinks the best he can do when in a pinch is to summon this monster he thinks he can’t control just because no one before him has been to do it.

Megumi is also a character who had to “grow up” too soon to be able to navigate a world he was not psychoemotionally prepared to deal with. I mean... he was 6? 7? Gege messed up on the timeline, but it’s safe to say Megumi was a school-aged child at the time he was abandoned by Tsumiki’s mother. 

When you’re a school aged child, parental figures are supposed to provide the best possible conditions for a child to thrive in so that they can have what is considered proper psychoemotional development. If you think about it, Megumi didn’t have that opportunity to be a child.

And I have to say there’s something so beautiful about Megumi’s childish innocence when it comes to having to make the choice to become a sorcerer to protect Tsumiki. 

It’s almost like, despite having to grow up too soon, his child-like innocence comes through in how confident he is in taking on the burden to become a sorcerer because of what it will mean.

Almost like he had this unfounded over-confidence that he could take on the world if it came down to it...

“...This may sound like I'm trying to make him seem more tragic...”

Not at all.

I wouldn’t say you’re making it seem more tragic than it is at all. Quite the opposite, I’d say Megumi’s backstory is meant to be tragic af. You’re spot on thinking about how sad his circumstances as a child were and how these circumstances affected and shaped his mindset as a person.

And in my opinion, what elevates the tragedy even more, is the idea that (I headcanon) Megumi is resentful and feels hurt about being abandoned by his father, but is unaware that he was actually beloved--probably even considered a blessing to the ones who named him. 

If you think about it, Megumi’s circumstances are the result of a cruel and tragic fate--events and circumstances outside of his control. 

Despite his gender, he was given the name that represents the concept for “blessing” even though it is a kanji normally used for female names--so I like to assume that he was the much expected and much beloved child to a couple that might have been very much in love. ✓ fate.

Mom got sick and died? ✓ fate. 

Dad (who is also known as someone who broke fate) being at the right place at the right time, which ultimately led to his death? ✓ fate. 

Gojo being at the right place at the right time to learn about Toji’s kid, the kid who inherited the Zenin clan’s most prized Cursed Technique? ✓ fate.

While we don’t know what happened to Tsumiki’s mom, I’m going to go ahead and chalk off her disappearance to ✓ fate since it was outside of Megumi’s ability to exercise his free will.

Aaaaaall that to say that I had honestly not thought about it, but I have to say I totally agree that Megumi probably didn’t have the most idyllic childhood even after Gojo took him in. 

Megumi basically grew up knowing he was indebted to someone else (✓ fate). I want to think that one of the reasons why he grew up to be such a cranky teenager who was always getting into trouble was precisely because fighting was how Megumi could exercise his free will in a world where the odds had been staked against him.

But, more importantly, in my opinion, one of Megumi’s themes as a character is overcoming fate--especially your self-fulfilling prophesies.

What I love about how Gege wrote Megumi is that Megumi isn’t defined by the tragedy of his life. 

Megumi isn’t on a revenge plot to get back at anyone, he doesn’t go around moping and bemoaning his fate (like Charlie Bernard from the Culling Game does), and his motivations are not grandiose--he just has a duty to fulfill because he basically sold himself for future labor so that he could protect Tsumiki.

In my Professional Anime Psychology Nerd opinion, I have to say Megumi’s character is so well-written. I also see him as a character-study on how unconscious trauma affects, directs and defines mindset in ways we are unable to understand because we take our reality for granted.

In a nutshell, emotional trauma distorts and shapes our sense of self.

Bringing to consciousness the unconscious stories tangled up in the emotional trauma we’ve experienced is the work of a lifetime--individuation.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record... this is what captivates me so much about Megumi.

The fact that Megumi broke through his own mental barriers in such a dramatic way is something I aspire to do for myself. 

He inspires me.

So there you go.

Megumi word vomit lol.

Ok but listen. I LOVE brain rotting about Megumi and I totally just went on a ramble--I hope I was able to sort of have a conversation about him as I do tend to go on tangents. Thank you for reading lol.

But in all honesty, above all, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I love sharing my love for anime with others so I am grateful you stopped by to share the Megumi love.

Same for anyone who reads the #Weekly Mental Gymnastics.

Much Megumi-love!