#like 15° F changing outside

[peapeaprincess]

it's 33°C / 92°F (per my old timey naval thermometer in my room) and i blame americans

[marcsburnerphone]

And they were roommates

(Captain John price x F!reader)

Summary: the captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.

Warnings: angsty (minimal), john being slightly troubled, alcohol, reader being slightly embarrassing.

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5!! -part 6

—————-

You wake up to the sun softly beaming in your room. Limbs stretching beyond the covers. You look around a little confused as to when you got back in your bedroom. Then it all came together. John, John leaves today.

You get out of the covers leaving your bedroom hoping he’s still there but of course to your disappointment he’s gone. You head to the kitchen knowing at least there will be a note. 

Good morning doll, I thought of waking you but decided against it, though I might regret it. The movie was good, you seemed to really be enjoying it also:) Here's the phone number of a friend in case any problems arise. Next time I’m back I hope to see another painting - John 

(xxx-xxx-xxxx) - nick

You stare at it trying not to let your emotions get the best of you. So you fold it and put it in the kitchen drawer. Although John was an awfully quiet roommate you could feel the weight of his absence. The cold floor beneath your feet has grown warm for how long you’ve stood there. You make your way towards the front door deciding that an iced coffee and a long drive with music will rid you of this feeling you can’t decipher it feels like want but in a way it’s also need but what is it you want and need? Not even you could answer that question.

Long story short you think it made the feeling intensify.

————-

1 month in

You’ve booked your schedule full leaving not an ounce of time for yourself. From the morning till night you had clients which were good for money but really it was a distraction for your mind. That same feeling felt like it was running into new veins every day seemingly consuming you. 

You tried to start a new painting but something was off about the color scheme and it was a waste not only of time but material and energy. You wonder how John is.

————-

2 months in

No problems have arisen since he’s been gone. It's like the house knows you’ll call the expensive plumber instead of John’s friend. 

However you have started a painting you are beginning to like. It’s a mix of hues you’ve never used before blues and oranges, a flame. You don’t know where or why the idea came to you but it’s what you wanted so you started it. A single candle is the outline, and the surrounding of it is the orange yellowish aura of a flame. You tried making ratatouille the other day and although it was good you wished it was made out of pepperonis like your childhood mind had imagined. You forgot there was no longer anyone to finish left overs so you ate it for three days straight.

Also you bought a new rug.

————-

3 months in

You’ve begun putting the final laminate on the painting. It’s taken you far longer than it would’ve if you hadn’t accepted 15 new clients. Not that you mind anyways. 

You’re also a little ambivalent to the idea of John paying for 6 months of rent when he doesn’t even live here during it. 

Besides that life seems stagnant and you’ve begun to lock your bedroom door at night again. 

————

4 months in

The painting now hangs a foot away from where the other one in front of John’s door does. It’s a beautiful contrast and really you were overjoyed at the outcome. You also randomly decided it’d be a good idea one night after too much wine to order new furniture for the outside deck. When it arrived you were one in disbelief of all the building pieces and and two excited to have something more to do. 

You should've stayed up the night John left.

————

5 months in  

Redecorating the deck wasn’t enough change. You needed a makeover physically but couldn’t decide how. Maybe a tattoo? No. New makeup? No. How about a haircut?  Fuck it, yes. 

So you did just that, you got a few almost unnoticeable highlights and chopped a good amount off. After the fact you were obsessed. Was it impulsive and could it have gone so horribly wrong, yes. But did it? No. 

———

6 months in 

John’s still not back and it’s all you could think about. What if something happened to him? What if he wasn’t coming back? You worried yourself sick so much so you physically became sick. 

You waited week by week for anything, maybe he’s back on base but just hasn’t come back home yet. But something was telling you it was more than that. 

———-

7 months in 

At this point worrying wasn’t going to make him appear. Your hobbies have now turned into distractions. So tonight you sit in the living room with a glass of wine and watch another rom com. You’re as comfy as can be in this cold brutal weather. It stays below 30 degrees Fahrenheit during this time of year and the snow bites at any unclothed skin. 

You fall asleep to the small hum of the heater while on the couch. Thick blanket thrown across you and tv playing as background chatter. 

You don’t know when you wake but it’s still dark outside when you hear someone that sounds distressed. Your groggy mind isn’t processing that the sound is coming from inside the house. But when it does you're up in a second looking around as your eyes try to adjust to the darkness. 

“Fuck!” You hear from down the hall. John’s room.

You walk quietly towards it as he continues to chant that word. Suddenly it falls silent and you just hear what sounds to be deep breaths. You don’t know what wills you to knock, but you do. 

“John, are you okay?” You ask softly from behind the closed door. He doesn’t respond but you know he’s in there from the quiet but quick breathing. 

“No.” He says with that familiar deep drawl.

You open the door slowly to see him sitting on the floor near the corner of his bed clearly distressed. You take notice of the mess wondering how you slept through the making of it. There’s glass from somewhere on the floor and clothes strewn but when you look at him your heart breaks. He’s in full uniform, vest on, belt with equipment on, as if he didn’t stop anywhere. Just came straight here. His hair has grown out to an odd length and his beard has grown longer. 

“I can’t get this fucking vest off.” He interrupts your thoughts looking at you with a sense of sorrow. You kneel to where he is careful to avoid glass. His eyes don’t glance up to meet yours; they stay fixated on his hands that are covered in dirt.

���May I?” You gesture towards the plastic buckles on the vest. He nods and you start with the two at his shoulders. Then you reach down his chest to undo the two near his belt buckle. You realize it must be connected somewhere in the back when it doesn’t come off. He leans forwards as you look trying to avoid the bloodstains that taint the once green vest and sure enough the tiniest but mightiest buckle is on the center of his lower back. He shrugs it off with a sigh. 

“Better?” You ask softly.

“Yeah, Thankyou.” He slowly tilts his head back to lean on the comforter and you don’t move an inch. 

“What can I do?” Truthfully you’ve never been in a situation so unbearably awkward but so unwilling to just leave.

“Just sit here with me.” So you do. You scoot right next to him and lean your head on his shoulder. He couldn’t admit it but the nights he slept in cold frost biting weather the thought of returning to your warm presence got him through.

“He almost died.” His voice gives out at the end of that sentence.

“Who?” 

“Johnny, it would’ve been my fault. One second later and they would’ve put a bullet through his skull.”

“But he’s okay?” You know John loves his team even though he doesn’t outwardly say it.

“He’s perfectly fine.” 

“Worrying about what could’ve been will kill you.” 

“Sometimes I feel like that’s what I deserve for some of the things I’ve done.” 

“If not you it would be someone else making the world a better place.” 

“I know.” 

You sit there with him for a while in silence. He can barely believe he made it back alive but right now the battle feels worth it. He hears soft snores not too long later and realizes you’ve fallen back to sleep. His head leans to rest above yours as he closes his eyes. He knows sleep won’t come to him but he’s never had you this close and for now he’ll cherish it.

————-

When you woke up again the sun had risen and a golden glow lit John’s room. 

“John.” You whisper trying not to move your head in case he’s sleeping.

“Yeah doll.” He lifts his head to look at you.

“I’m so sorry.” You feel slightly embarrassed and bad that you just fell asleep on him.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” He sighs before standing on his feet with a groan then offering you hand to help you up.

“I’m going to shower.” He says as you dust yourself off.

“After can I give you a haircut?” He laughs a little at your not so subtle realization of his long hair..

“If you’d like.” 

“I’d love.” You say before leaving, assuring him you’d be back when he's done.

You pick up your mess from the previous night. Folding your blanket and putting it back in the basket near the couch. Taking your wine glass to the sink and rinsing it out. You go to your room and change into an outfit for the day and do your morning routine. After you grab your shears, clippers and cape. By the time you're done doing all of this you no longer hear the water running meaning John’s done with his shower. You knock on his door lightly.

“Come in.” You walk in to see him sweeping up his mess with the small house broom and can’t help but smile at the sight. 

“Come on, let's cut your hair in the bathroom, better lighting and you can see what I’m doing.” You say heading straight there. You sit him on the little bathroom bar stool that’s been in there since your ex moved out. Once he’s sitting the only cape you have is pink so you throw it on him begging yourself to not laugh which you fail causing him to smirk. 

“Okay so I’m just gonna clean it up, fade the sides a very little, cut the top with shears and what not.” You let him know.

“You cut your hair?” He replies, staring at you through the mirror.

“Yeah so?” You smile.

“I like it, it looks good.” You feel that feeling only johns been able to provoke.

“Thankyou.” You begin the cut, slowly combing out sections making sure to be precise. He seems far more relaxed than you’d imagined as you just freely cut at the top. After the matter once you're satisfied you shave the sides a little just enough to where it looks cleaner. 

“Can I do your beard and mustache?” 

“You're the hairstylist, not me?” Is all he says. 

So you do, very carefully, mere inches away from his face your hands hold one side of his jaw softly to trim the other side. He watches your expression intently. The way when you’re focused there’s a crease that forms between your eyebrows and your pupils blow a little wide.

“All done.”  You say pulling him from his trance. You move his face with your hands really checking to make sure all is well.

“Very handsome.” You compliment before turning around to rinse your shears and put them away. 

“Thank You doll.” He says examining it himself in the mirror thoroughly pleased with how well you did even though he knows you don’t cut men’s hair. He doesn’t notice you grab his beard oil from the cabinet till you're smoothing it between your hands and asking him to face you so you can rub it through the coarse brown hair. Ever the nurturer.

It feels like time apart only made you two feel closer somehow. Or maybe it’s because you wanted to be close and those feelings were equally reciprocated. 

The rest of that day John had loads of paperwork to file, sign and report. So he did that, he sat in his office for long hours going through the process. The only thing that slightly lightened this burden was your voice humming in the kitchen as you cooked something. You’d stopped by and offered him some which he gladly accepted from your giving hands. Hours later you bid him a goodnight and went to bed and even then he had so much more left.

—————

The next day you catch John in the kitchen and tell him there’s something you must show him.

“So you built it all yourself?” He says as you show him your little project you did outside. There’s a thick coat wrapped around you as you don’t fully step outside to avoid slipping on the icy ground. Him though, he stands on it with no problem in what looks like military issued boots. 

“Yes I did.” You say proudly despite his clear disdain.

“I missed you, even your stubbornness.” After the months John’s been through there was no point in hiding the way he was feeling.

“I missed you too.” You smile while clearly avoiding his gaze.

How had he missed this all along?

“Would you like to go out for drinks?”

“What?” You turn around to meet his eyes.

“Can I take you out for drinks?” What being mere inches away from death does to a man.

“Yeah.” 

-

You both silently walk away trying to break the bounds of the tense pull that makes you want to gravitate towards each other. You put on something cute but also warm and slip on some brown doc martens as your choice of shoe. You do light makeup as you give yourself a pep talk.

“Only two drinks, only two drinks.” You have to tell yourself cause after two your too you. 

You hear John putting his shoes on by the hallway and take in the sight of him, brown leather jacket and beanie. You’re not sure how he’s going to stay warm in that but something tells you he will.

“Ready?” He asks and you nod nervously.

-

“Okay, hold on, I have to do this really slow or I’ll fall.” You say stepping slowly out onto the ground below the porch stairs. 

“Well come here I’ll help you.” He offers his hand. You grab it softly, swooning at the way it encompasses your own. There’s something inside of him that doesn’t even want you to risk walking on this floor but of course he also doesn’t want to push. 

“Okay nice and slow.” You’re not even taking full steps, just small slides. You clutch his hand for dear life and he loves it. 

“Good girl.” He says once you reach the door of his truck which he opens for you. He doesn’t let go till you sit inside then only does he slip his hand from your warm one and closes the door. 

“Which pub?” You ask as he turns on the heater only for your sake.

“The one downtown near the little Italian grocer.” You know exactly which one he’s talking about. Its dim light atmosphere is cozy but fun but usually full of mainly couples.

“Mkay.” You say looking out the window at the gloomy sky realizing it just might rain. 

He glances your way during the small drive, your scent of your floral perfume mixed with his of cardamom and musk is quite perfect. 

“You alright?” He asks.

“Yeah, just comfy, you?” He grins at your response.

“Never been better.”

He pulls into one of the street parking spots and despite the weather the streets are full, he gets out to put coins inside the slot for time before heading to your side of the car. 

“Wait, I'm scared.” You say realizing that the distance to the bar doesn’t seem to be a survivable one. 

“Come on, I'll hold your hand.”

“I’ll fall regardless.”

“Want me to carry you?” He genuinely offers.

“What?” You laugh. 

“Doll I’m very serious I will carry you, just get on my back.”

“What if we both fall?” 

“I’m not falling, trust me.” He says turning around motions for you to get on his back.

“Okay then.” You hook your legs around his upper waist and his arms reach to tuck themselves firmly beneath your knees.

“Comfortable?” He asks. He’s sure you can hear his heart racing from the proximity you’re in. 

“Very.” All your dreams of climbing this man have come true. 

You shut the door as he steps onto the sidewalk. You tuck your chin in by his neck for warmth. He smells woodsy with a hint of musk, it makes your head spin.

“How are you not slipping?” You say very suspicious.

“Doll I could run on this floor with these boots on.” He answers looking slightly over his shoulder at you.

“Well don’t.” You say seriously and he laughs as he approaches the bar, opening the door and setting you softly on the floor. 

He finds you both a booth in the corner and sits on the side where he can see the entire bar, very John of John.

“What do you drink?” He asks, trying to make conversation. Suddenly the air feels very intimate, almost too intimate for what he considers his old man heart.

“When I’m out, martinis.” 

“Espresso?” 

“Mhmm.” You’re trying your hardest to hold the eye contact he’s giving you but something about the blue in his eyes and creases on the side of them has you breaking it quicker than it started.

“I’ll be back then.” He says sliding out of the booth feeling slightly accomplished.

You sit there looking at the lively pub, how many romances are at their peak here, how many friends are having the best night of their lives, how you amongst them are finally feeling like you again. 

“Here we are.” He says returning with two glasses, his is a classic bourbon with a square ice cube in the glass.

“Thankyou.” You say as he slides it over to you.

“So what’d you do while I was gone, other than be reckless and build furniture.” He asks as you sip from your glass.

“I did lots of hair, painted a bit, found new color schemes for decor and that’s kinda it, I’d ask you the same question but I fear you can’t answer.” 

“Your fears are true.”

“That Kate woman, she's very pretty.” Are you a little jealous?

“Yeah she’s also very married.” He says it like he doesn’t know what you're on about.

“And also not into men.” You nearly choke on your drink and swallow hard to get it down.

“Well I was just saying.” Sure you were.

You two have small chatter as you go through drinks. You tried to offer the second round but John said no for you to just stay in your seat. He came back with thirds and you definitely were starting to feel the effects of the previous two, him though not at all.

“So you’re telling me John you as very um good looking as you are haven’t had a girlfriend in how long?” 

“Eight years.” He says while being very amused with your light hearted, open attitude.

“That’s just not right.”

“No?” 

“No, personally, well never mind.” You’re not drunk enough to say what you were about too.

“What about you, why no boyfriends?” 

“I’m very, I would say needy I guess clingy even, I’m a double texter, someone who worries and loves too much and I think that can be overwhelming for a lot of people.” You admit.

“Don’t believe that.” He says, sounding a little annoyed.

“For the right person you could never be overwhelming.” He says looking at you intensely and this time you can’t seem to look away.

Once your third drink is finished it’s raining outside and you’re words away from trouble.

“John?” 

“Yeah doll.”

“You make me feel alive again.” You admit, the alcohol has casted a pretty shade of pink on your cheeks as you lean your head on your hand and John doesn’t think he’s ever been more entranced. 

“You and me both, here drink some water.” He slides it to you. You’re sweet, too sweet. He feels like if he touches you physically or emotionally he’d be tainting art.

“Has anyone told you you're very climbable?” 

“It’s time for us to get going, you're quite the light weight.” He laughs offering you a hand as you slide off the booth.

He leaves a tip on the table before walking with you to the door. He has to bend far more than he normally would for you to secure yourself on his back before he’s walking outside. This time he’s walking faster because of the rain droplets that are falling hard. He seats you in the car and reaches across you to buckle you in before heading to his side. 

The drive home is pretty quiet, he drives extra slowly because of the precious cargo he carries. Once he pulls back into the gravelly drive way you unbuckle and open the door as he puts the car in park. 

“You don’t want to wait for me.” He asks, a little concerned.

“I got this.” You hop out of the elevated truck immediately slipping and having to grab onto the door. He walks quickly to your side laughing at the expression on your face.

“You sure do.” He says as he grabs your arm

“Oh stop it.” You say accepting the help, sliding your feet on the ice again till you get to the door. Once you get inside you groan into the toasty air. 

“Thankyou for tonight John.” You say facing him once you kick your boots off. You hadn’t realized how close you were till you turned around and could feel the heat radiating off of him and smell the bourbon on his breath. 

“No, thank you.” He says feeling awfully captivated, hanging onto your every move. You cup his face and stand on your tippy toes, boldly yet slowly placing a kiss on the corner of his lips. 

He’s starstruck. Absolutely dazed at the look of mischief in your eyes, something that tells him you know exactly what you’re doing to him. 

“Goodnight John.” You say patting his chest and walking down towards your room.

—————

I couldn't wait till tommorrow i'm sorry.

comments and reposts are greatly appreciated:)

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[helen-with-an-a]

You always have an excuse

Hi. So this is a request and I really liked the idea. Hopefully, I did it justice. I hope you enjoy

Barca Femeni x reader

Description: R always has excuses but eventually slips up.

Word Count: 3.8k

Shit. Shit. Shit. You were late. You were so late. But it wasn’t your fault; indeed, honestly, it wasn’t your fault. Your parents were not the greatest at being parents. They had you when they were just 16 and far too young to be having children. Sure, they paid for your football stuff and gave you a lot of what you asked for, but it was to keep you quiet and out of the house. You didn’t mind too much. It was easier when you only had to look out for yourself, never telling your parents where or who you were with. You always had a range of excuses ready for anyone who asked – lying and telling your friend’s parents that someone else would be taking you home, saying your mum was just around the corner, she had work so couldn’t come to your matches. It was fine. You knew nothing different.

You signed for La Masia when you were 10. The training was intense, but you loved it. You thrived under the pressure, quickly working your way up the ranks. Your debut for the first team happened shortly before your 16th birthday. You had never felt prouder of yourself.

“And here we have it. At just 15 years old, Y/F/N Y/S/N, making her debut for FC Barcelona Femeni. She’s homegrown, working her way up La Masia ranks. She is definitely a future star.” The commentator said as you made your way onto the pitch. This is what you have been dreaming of since you discovered football. This was the dream that only some people achieved. And you were one of them. A professional footballer. Your life’s goal was achieved.

The game was an easy win. The other team was fighting a relegation battle, as Barca slipped 10 goals past their keeper.

“Vamos,” Patri shouted as she shook you by the shoulders. “A debut and a brace. Is that a Ballon d’Or I see in your future?” You laughed as she wrapped you in a fierce hug.

“Neña, what a performance, hey?” Mapi called as Alexia affectionately hit the back of your head.

“Where’s your Mamí? I’m sure she wants to see you after that performance.” You didn’t even bat an eyelid as you smiled sweetly at Marta

“Oh, she said we’d meet outside by the main gates – saves us from trying to find each other on the pitch and in the crowd.” You waved at the chaos surrounding you. You knew your mother was nowhere near the football stadium – you doubted she even knew you had a football match, let alone your senior debut. It was easy to slip away from the changing rooms; you had significant practice doing it most of your life.

And now you were running so, so late. You had woken up on time, but the food in the house looked a little off, so you rushed to get something from the bakery on your way to the bus stop. But the line was bigger than anticipated, so you were rushing to catch the bus. A man walking in the other direction wasn’t paying attention and crashed into you, causing you to drop your stuff and spill hot coffee all over yourself. That had disrupted your flow, and you missed the bus, having to wait 5 minutes for the next one, which wasn’t a big deal. However, the metro system was delayed. And now you were 10 minutes behind, and then the bus you were supposed to catch from the metro station to the training centre never showed up, so you had to catch an alternative one, making you 30 minutes late. You had texted Jona to tell you you were running late but you knew you had laps waiting for you when you actually got there. You arrived at the pitch hot, sweaty, and tired. This was not an ideal start to the morning.

It was a known ‘Alexia Rule’ that every minute late to practice without a reasonable excuse was a lap. As you arrived at the huddle, one boot on, one still in your hand and your shirt stained with coffee, you could tell she was unimpressed. With all your rushing, you had forgotten to think of an excuse. You didn’t want to tell her the real reason; you had a feeling ‘Oh, sorry Alexia, I’m late because my parents are really shitty, forget they have a kid sometimes, and they haven’t been home in over a week, and the food in the fridge looked a little funky’ would not go down too well. She arched an eyebrow at you.

“Um …” You floundered, thinking about what to say. You could tell her the semi-truth that the metro was delayed and you had missed the buses, but they thought you got dropped off at the top of the road by your dad on the way to work. You could tell them there was traffic, but they all drove, so they knew you were lying.

“You have 30 laps to run at the end of training,” Alexia had a stern voice that you knew meant she was serious. 30 laps? That was basically 10k. Your eyes widened to comically sized proportions. 45 minutes of running around in a circle … after training? She was trying to kill you; you were convinced of it.

“You can’t be serious?” You gawked at her. Her other eyebrow rose to join the other one.

“Deadly.” She said icily and walked away.

Holy fuck. You were really, royally fucked this time. You were so dead. You had to miss training. But again, it hadn’t been your fault. The boiler had broken in your house, which wasn’t a big deal – it was late spring in Barcelona, and you didn’t need heating. But you did need the hot water. You had tried to ask your parents to stay home whilst someone fixed it, knowing that you had training and they could definitely work from home for a day. They had dismissed you with a flippant wave of their hands and continued what they were doing. You phoned the company, asking them to come and fix it as soon as possible. But, as expected, they told you they would be there before lunch, which was the best they could offer. It was now 2.30pm, and there was no sign of them. You had texted Jona this morning, offering a weak excuse of feeling a little rough. You hadn’t expected him to tell Alexia that you were feeling bad, and it sounded like you were home alone.

The knock on the door had you running towards it – thinking it was the person coming to fix the boiler. “Gracias, Gracias. Es el …” You rushed the explanation, not realising that it was not a plumber but rather your irate captain. You froze as you looked up. Shit.

“You look fine, neña. You don’t look like you’ve … what was it? Ah, yes, ‘picked up a little something’.” She was far too calm. You could see her anger bubbling under the surface, though.

“Ale, I-” you tried to explain.

“No, no quiero escucharlo,” she cut you off, a hand raising to stop you. “You lied. You skipped training. Was it worth it? Was it so much more important than training?” She hadn’t bothered to come into the house, standing at your front door, a bag of things meant to help you feel better in her hand. “Here,” she shoved it at you. “You’re on the bench until you can prove that you want to be a part of Barcelona Femeni.” And with that, she stormed off.

Tears welled in your eyes. She hadn’t let you explain … but what could you say? ‘Sorry, Ale, my parents are arseholes and don’t realise that I have a life and a job as well’? ‘Sorry, Ale, I had to wait for the plumber to come and fix our heating and hot water, and no, my parents – the adults in the house – couldn’t do it because they think their time is so much more important than mine’? ‘Sorry, Ale, I’m currently trying to raise myself, and whilst I’m usually ok at it, sometimes I fuck up’? You couldn’t say those things to her. You couldn’t tell her how tough your life could be sometimes … most of the time. You couldn’t tell her that your parents don’t even know you have a game, let alone watch it or attend it. You couldn’t tell her you often wake up in an empty house for weeks because your parents jetted off somewhere again. You couldn’t tell her that you doubt your parents could even tell you your full name and birthday.

She thought you didn’t want to be a part of Barca. Barca was your saving grace. Barca was the only thing that got you out of bed. The friendships you made were the closest thing to a normal family you had. Jana, Vicky, Martina, Patri, Claudia, Bruna, Esmee, Salma … they were your crazy cousins, always making you laugh and willing to go along with your mad ideas. Ona, Aitana, Lucy, Cata, Mapi … they were your big sisters, always protecting you on and off the pitch and lightly teasing you. Ingrid, Caro, Keira, Mariona, Frido … they were the calming aunts that helped you through any predicament. Marta, Paños, Irene … Alexia … they were your motherly figures, the people you could always rely on to love you regardless of what else was happening in your life. Did they think you didn’t want to be there? Barcelona was the single most greatest thing that had ever happened to you.

You looked at the bag Alexia had shoved at you. It was full of healthy smoothies, nutritious snacks, and your favourite chocolates. You could even see a soft teddy instructing you to ‘Get Well Soon’. It made you sob even harder. Eventually, you moved to the sofa. Once you started crying, you couldn’t stop. You cried over everything – disappointing Alexia, having no hot water, being benched, your parents' dislike of you, your seeming lack of support system, how you appeared to fuck up the one good thing in your life. You cried yourself to sleep on the sofa, clutching the bag to your chest and feeling so incredibly sorry for both you and the girls you had failed.

The next morning, you looked horrific – puffy, red eyes, dishevelled hair, blotchy skin. You didn’t even try to hide it as you made your way to the bus stop, ignoring the weird looks thrown your way. You were in a daze as you walked through the metro system and onto the second bus, forgetting to hurry down the side alleys instead of the main road. You didn’t see Ingrid’s car as it drove past you, a concerned Mapi, Ingrid, Ona, and Lucy in it.

“Era que?” Mapi asked, pointing over her shoulder.

“Y/N? Sí, fue” Ona nodded.

“Why, though? She said she gets dropped off by her dad on his way to work.” Ingrid was just as perplexed. You seemed to know exactly where you were going and had stepped off the bus with an ease only known to someone who took the same route every day.

“Maybe it was a one-off? He couldn’t take her today, so she had to get the bus? Although I don’t know why she wouldn’t just ask one of us – she lives on most of our routes to work.” Lucy pondered, all of them confused over you.

“Hey,” Ingrid said as you walked into the changing rooms. You didn’t even smile at her, just nodding and moving to your cubby. “Um … so, how come you were on the bus?” You froze. How did she know you got the bus?

“It’s just that we saw you as we were driving in. If you needed a lift, you could’ve just asked; you know we’d all be more than happy to —” Ona explained.

“Yeh, my d-dad only told me this morning that he couldn’t take me the whole way, so … he dropped me off near the metro, and I just got the bus from there,” you lied, rushing to gather your boots and head to the pitch. It was a blatant lie. Your voice was too high, and your hands shook slightly as you tried to devise a realistic excuse.

“Todas sabemos que era una mentira, verdad?” Mapi looked around as the door swung shut.

The following month in training was awkward, to say the least. After your slip-up with the bus, you made sure to take the earlier trains, getting to training before most people had even left their beds. You figured you’d use the time to prove to Alexia and the others that you wanted to be there. You were still benched, but your name was still on the game day sheet, so you liked to believe they weren’t thinking of selling you or cancelling your contract after the season ended. The issue was getting home. If you stayed late, you were often questioned, but if you were seen walking out of the car park, you were also questioned. You really needed to learn how to drive ... quickly.

Eventually, Jona could no longer justify you sitting on the bench. Barca had the Champions League semi-finals coming up, and everyone noted your absence on the pitch.

“Y/N, you will be playing the next match. You’re going to be a sub around 60 or 70 minutes.” It was a short announcement, but you couldn’t help your heart soar. Did this mean they finally believed you when you said that Barca was the best thing that happened to you? Alexia still hadn’t looked at you since That Day, but she was no longer actively seething, which you took as a win. But now you would be playing in the home leg of the Champions League semi-finals. You were nervous, but not because of the match; you were on a 0 – 3 aggregate, and you were going to be playing at Camp Nou – it was an almost guaranteed win –but because you knew the team would be more suspicious of your lack of parents.

You decided to do what you always did – never look to the crowd, do a lap of the stadium for the fans, hurry back into the changing rooms, and slip away. Simple. Easy. You had been doing it all your life. But you hadn’t accounted for how attentive the team would be. They watched you wearily from a distance, concerned when you made no effort to look to the friends and family section during warm-ups or after the match when everyone usually went to see their loved ones. You stayed back, signing more things for fans, and then headed straight to the tunnel. After the celebration in the changing rooms, you gathered your things and disappeared before anyone could bring them up. You had mastered the art of vanishing like a ghost after matches.

But now it was the final. It was obviously an away game, but everyone’s family came. Even the coaching staff brought their loved ones. Not you, though. Your parents hadn’t known you’d left the country, let alone understood that you were playing in the most prestigious match in Europe for clubs. You were in the Starting XI, but you weren’t nervous. You knew you could win this match; this Champions title was yours for the taking. You didn’t realise that the fact that you had no family would be exposed the minute the final whistle went.

You played the full 90 minutes and an extra 5 for injury time. You were exhausted, but that didn’t matter as soon as the clock ran out. You had done it. Champions of Europe. The screams and shouts were so loud it hurt your ears, but you didn’t care. You felt unstoppable.

“Vamos, pequeña. Donde esta tu mamí? Quiero finalmente conocer a la mujer a la que debemos agradecer por regalarle al mundo contigo.” Mapi said as you sat on the grass, your medal around your neck.

“Más tarde. I just want to sit here and soak this all in.” You waved her away. She took you at your word but made meaningful eyes at Alexia, having an unspoken conversation as you moved away. Alexia watched as you leaned back, resting on your arms, legs outstretched, and eyes shut – head tilted to feel the sun on your skin. She waited for 10 minutes, watching you make no effort to see your family. It was the first thing she had done after the trophy celebration. She had run straight to her mother and sister, thanking them profusely for all their sacrifices and expressing so much gratitude towards them – throwing her sweaty body at them and tackling them into long, tight hugs.

“Do you want to see your family now?” It was the first non-football-related words she’d said to you in well over a month.

“No, I’m ok. I’ll see them later,” you dismissed her quickly.

“Do you know where they are? We could bring them down onto the pitch if you don’t want to stand up.” She wasn’t letting this go. She had an inkling that she hoped was wrong.

“It’s alright, Ale. Honestly. I’m fine sitting here, soaking this all up by myself.” You hadn’t opened your eyes, so you had assumed from the quietness she had moved away. “It’s not like you’d find them anyway,” you whispered as an unwanted tear escaped you.

“Qué quieres decir, cariño?” Your eyes snapped open, coming face to face with Alexia, Ona and Keira. You sat up, trying to hide your face.

“Oh, noth-”

“No me mientas. Dónde están tu mamí y papí?” Alexia asked sternly. You misunderstood her, thinking she was angry at you. You shook your head, refusing to answer.

“Neña, are your parents here?” Ona asked quietly, coming to sit next to you. You took a deep breath.

“No. They aren’t.”

“Do you want to phone them?” Keira suggested, hoping that it was just because they couldn’t take time away from work to attend in person. She also sat down, gesturing her phone to you as an invitation to use it. You took another deep breath.

“I don’t think they even know I had a football match, let alone a Champions League final.” Another tear slipped down your cheek. Alexia sat in front of you, reaching for your hands.

“Qué quieres decir?” She asked again, thumbs rubbing gently over the backs of your hands.

“My parents … I don’t really know how to say it,” you paused, Ona gently rubbing your back comfortingly. “My parents don’t really … parent?” You chuckled lightly.

“They don’t support you?” Keira asked, her hand resting on your knee.

“They don’t care enough. They leave for weeks on end without telling me. I get food and stuff like that on my own. I’m basically raising myself at this point. I don’t think they know I have a contract with Barca. I doubt they even know I play football. They just let me do whatever I wanted as long as I was out of the house, not causing trouble and quiet; they didn’t care. They’re lucky I haven’t turned into a criminal or something.” You tried to add a joke to lighten the mood.

“But you said you meet up with your parents after home matches,” Ona couldn’t imagine achieving half the things she did without her family supporting her from the sidelines.

“And you told us your dad drops you off every morning on the way to work,” Keira added, equally disbelieving – her parents were her biggest fans.

“Yeh, I lied. I just go home after matches. And I get the metro to training.”

“But training is nowhere near the metro, and you don’t live near a metro station either.” She still didn’t want to consider what you were saying to be true.

You explained, “I get a bus from mine to the metro and then a bus from the metro to training.”

“That’s why you were getting off the bus that day when we saw you,” Ona realised. She hadn’t trusted your story but had considered no other possibilities.

“That’s why you're late to training sometimes? Because of the buses and trains?” Alexia asked, her hands never leaving yours.

“Yeh.” You looked down, ashamed of your situation and lying to them.

“And that day when you missed training. You weren’t sick. What happened?”

“I … um … the boiler broke, so I had to wait for someone to come fix it. Which they never did, by the way. I had to phone some random company that massively overcharged me, and the water definitely doesn’t get as hot as it used to.” You babbled nervously. “It wasn’t because I don’t want to be at Barca. It’s the only thing that keeps me going, knowing that I have you guys looking out for me. It makes everything else seem not as bad,” you whispered, needing them to know just how important Barca was to you. You looked around. Patri and Pina tried to do the perfect chest bump as Jana and Bruna filmed. Lucy was chasing her niece and nephew. Ingrid and Mapi were with Ingrid’s parents, smiling widely as they talked. Marta and Caro were sat off to one side, talking quietly. You could see the others dotted around the stadium, talking to fans, speaking to parents, and enjoying the support.

“Cariño, I am so sorry,” Alexia implored. I shouted at you and benched you. I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t believe you took Barca seriously.”

“Why didn’t you tell us, neña?” Ona asked.

“We only want what’s best for you, kid,” Keira added.

“Um … I don’t really know. It doesn’t really matter. It’s been like this my whole life, so…”

“Cariño. It does matter. But we know now, and that’s all that matters, sí?” Alexia stood up, dragging you with her. “Let’s go see my family. Mi Mamí has been asking to meet you for ages. And before you say no, she already has plans for you to come round for dinner one night. Y en secreto, ella siempre quiso una tercera hija.” She said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as Ona took your hand.

“Oh, Eli will have to fight my Mama on that one, Ale. She always wanted a goal-scoring daughter.”

“Well, my mum says you are more than welcome to stay at her house if you ever visit the UK as long as you cook her paella.” Keira smiled.

Maybe your biological family was shite, but your found one certainly wasn't.

I hope you liked it <3

[thot-of-khonshu]

Say You Love Me (Joel Miller x f! reader)

1K Celebration | Masterlist

Part 2 - Coming Soon

Pairing: Joel Miller x f! Reader (pre and post outbreak)

Rating: M (18+, explicit smut)

Word Count: 6.2K

Summary: Red wine. Rage. Regret. Reunions. When pride separates you from the man that got away in 2003, you thought you’d never see him again. But when going to tie loose ends for Bill and Frank, you see him and a young companion.

Content: TLOU spoilers, slight changes to the story, age gap (~10-15 years), multiple sex scenes, dirty talk, unprotected p in v sex, fingering, cowgirl, creampie, oral (f), rough sex, alcohol consumption, grief, violence, mentions of death, the musical stylings of Fleetwood Mac

A/N: Happy TLOU day! This initially started out as a creation for my 1K celebration to "Maroon" by Taylor Swift, but as you can see it completely manifested into its own short story. Thanks to everyone for being patient for my writing. I hope y'all enjoy!

Every time you have a dream about everything before, you try to document it down in your ratty journal with your pen running on empty. Everything seems to run on empty.

You dream of your former life less and less as the years go by. It’s a hazy memory and you can’t remember how we were able to live on such luxuries and be comfortable and be happy. 

You dream of the man with his large hands and warm smile on your living room floor, warm with wine. 

Red lips. Red cheeks. Red wine. 

The bitter taste of cheap red blends on his tongue. 

Sticky Austin nights where you’d start outside in the thick humidity but end it in ice cold a/c. It never mattered anyway, Joel always ran hot like a furnace so you’d have to settle yourself in between thin sheets. 

You met through Megan who was dating his younger brother Tommy, a Gulf War vet that was more serious about holding his liquor than he ever was fighting in the war. One night when he’d had too much to drink, Joel, the responsible one, picked him up. A sleeping baby girl in the backseat. 

He barged through your front door. “Tommy, what the hell are you doin’ bothering these–” 

He stopped as soon as he looked at you. From that moment it was like the two of you had this instant communication. He didn’t have to say anything, all you needed to do was look into his eyes. 

“HI there.” He smile at you, that warm smile with that dimple on the side of his cheek. “I–uh–hope you’re not the girl my little brother’s been botherin’ “

“That would be my roommate.” You smile back at him. His smile grows even wider and you can’t remember the last time you had such electric eye contact with someone. 

Tommy bursts through the door, coming out of the bathroom with Megan hoisting his large frame.

“Please get him in bed and away from vodka.” She hoists Tommy onto Joel. 

“Tell me a bedtime story.” He slurs. Joel looks at you apologetically as he turns to bring him to the car. You and Megan exchanged a silent look as she could pick up on what was going on and she nudged you to go after him. 

“Hey wait!” You call out, you try not to focus on his broad back muscles. “I think it’s clear Tommy needs some chaperoning whenever he comes over here.”

He furrows his brow in confusion at first. “Y’know, his big brother to come over and make sure he’s doing right?” ‘You smile. 

“Just say when and I’ll tag along.” Joel winks at you. 

He was always a man of his word. 

The next weekend, Megan invited Tommy over and suggested he bring Joel along as well. Tommy came barreling in like a freight train and Joel laid back to greet you at the door. He held up a six pack of beer. 

“I didn’t wanna come over empty handed. It’s all we had in the fridge.” Joel said. 

“Yeah, Joel wanted to come right over after workin’ tonight. Even let Sarah stay at a friends house, ain’t that sweet?”

“Alright, Tommy. I still clearly gotta babysit you.” Joel rolls his eyes. 

“We’ll, thank you for the beer, Joel but we’re more wine drinkers here. Do you like red blend?”

“I’ll drink whatever you give me.”

————————

A few hours later, Megan and Tommy have gone off on their own adventure. You and Joel split the bottle of wine between the two of you and despite him stating he could handle his liquor, his large body was sprawled out across your living room floor with his empty glass tipped over. 

“Miller, I thought you said you could handle your liquor.” You grin at him from the couch. 

“I usually can. I don’t know what was in your roommate’s cheapass screwtop–” 

“Hey–don’t blame the alcohol for why you’re currently on our living room floor right now. And while she can’t defend herself.” 

“You saying I’m a sloppy drunk?” He leans closer towards you and you observe the patches in his beard. 

“I’m saying I don’t wanna hold your hair back above the toilet.” You grin at him. He looks at you, hard. You feel your heart rate rising and the moment is almost too much to handle. You need to ground yourself with something, anything. You turn to your vinyls. 

“You like records?” You ask him, moving towards the shelf. 

“Didn’t know people your age still listened to them.” He called out. You scoffed. 

“I’m not that much younger than you. Besides, this is timeless. CDs might come and go like 8 track players, but these? These are gonna last through everything.” You hold up a record and he nods in approval, Fleetwood Mac’s self titled album. You flip to side two and the sounds of “Say You Love Me” flood the living room. 

You join him on the living room rug and close your eyes, listening to Christine McVie’s voice. 

Have mercy, baby, on a poor girl like me

You know I'm falling, falling, falling at your feet

I'm tingling right from my head to my toes

So help me, help me, help me make the feeling go

“God, her voice is just so ageless. I know everyone always looks at Rumours as their best but this one is just cla–” Your breath hitches when you feel his hand brush your cheek. You feel the warmth of his face coming closer and closer as you finally open your eyes to see Joel ready to kiss you. 

But he forgot his wine glass in his hand as it spilled onto you with the remainder of his alcohol. 

“Shit, shit.” Joel stumbles up and looks around. “I am so sorry, I can clean that up.” 

You get up to him walking around your kitchen, looking for paper towels. When he turns around, you put your hand at his chest and look up at his beautiful brown eyes. 

“Why don’t you help me find a new shirt?” You ask him in a low voice. His jaw is slacked as he slowly nods. 

“Yes ma’am.” He follows behind you, taking your hand as you lead him into your bedroom. 

One thing about Joel Miller? He takes his time. He takes his time giving you soft, syrupy kisses and drawing the anticipation by pulling at your lip. 

He builds you up by meticulously touching every part of your body while peeling off your clothes, grabbing at the swell of your ass, the dips of your hips and pulling at the back of your neck. He wants to make you feel amazing.

Once you’re naked, he lays you on top of your bed and peers up at you as he pulls your knees apart. 

He drags the tip of his tongue over your clit, savoring your taste as he moans in relief. You tremble against him, dragging your hand through his dark curls as he begins to put his full mouth into you, his tongue entering you as his nose brushes your clit. You can’t help but squirm on top of him, rocking onto him as he moans below you. 

“You taste so fucking good.” Joel gets up for air briefly and dives back in. Kissing at your inner thighs, he takes one of his thick fingers and pushes one into you, your body instantly tightening around it. 

“So wet for me too.” Joel moans. He moves in earnest, putting his mouth back onto your clit and the pleasure is all you can concentrate on. He adds another finger, getting up to watch you squirm at his fingers as your wetness fills the room from his methodical thrusts. 

You feel yourself tense, your muscles tightening around him as your pleasure intensifies and your breaths go shallow. When he curves his fingers and moves his mouth back to your clit, you short circuit completely. 

You writhe on top of him as you cum, moaning louder than you’d expected and hoping Tommy and Megan don’t hear anything. Your shallow breaths fill the room and your eyes are shut. Pleasure still pulsates through your body as Joel is now on top of you, kissing at your throat as you feel his heavy, still clothed cock on top of you. 

When you release it, it springs from his boxers, thick and dripping at the top with precum. You rub the tip of his head as he lets out a hiss of air at your throat. You bring the liquid to your mouth and savor the taste. 

“I hope this ain’t too forward,” His hands cup and knead at your breasts. “But I’m desperate to feel you.” 

“Please” You beg. “I have condoms but I’m also on the pill. Whatever you need, just please don’t stop.” 

Joel lines himself up against you, rubbing his thick cock against your soaked walls. His eyes don’t leave yours as he gently enters you. It’s soft at first, him trying to fit in every single inch while also not cumming immediately while he was inside of you. You gripped him, wet and tight. 

During the pause when he’s finally deep inside of you, you both are riddled with heavy breathing. Your kisses are slow but hungry. You start to move below him and that’s what drives him wild. 

He begins to pump faster inside of you, rubbing himself against your swollen clit. You don’t think you’ve ever had something so intimate before. You’d had sex, but this just felt like something out of another dimension. Joel was entirely focused on your pleasure, hungrily pawing at your body as he rocked on top of you. 

When circled his fingers on your clit, you knew you were going to cum a second time. You grabbed at the bedsheets, another climax of pleasure making you arch. 

After you came twice, Joel was needier. He raised your leg so he could get into a deeper position and you had felt so incredibly full. He fucks you at a rapid speed and feeling you convulse around him for another orgasm wasn’t helping and the room filled with the noise of his balls slapping onto your skin. 

You loved that his broad body surrounded you, that all you could feel was him and all you could hear were his grunts into your ear. His hips began to stutter as he filled himself into you, emptying himself as much as he could into your tight walls. 

You don’t realize how badly you were gripping him until you rub his back, his head on your chest and you feel the claw marks. His breathing is labored, still feeling the impact of your sex as you bury your fingers into his curls. 

“This should go without being said,” Joel looked up at you. “But I would really like to take you out sometime.” 

You weren’t going to say no to that. 

—---------------------------------

You wake up, the motion of the car rattling you. 

“Morning, sunshine.” Megan smiles behind the steering wheel. Before everything, Megan was terrified of driving and now you’d catch her dead before she’d stop and pick someone up, choosing to run them over instead because they were likely a hunter. 

And wouldn’t you rather kill than be killed? 

It all happened so fast but so painfully, hauntingly slow at the same time. In one night, civilization as you knew it had ceased to exist. Megan came home, shaking, covered in blood telling you you had to leave tonight. 

You drove until you ran out of gas. You walked until you were able to rob some idiots that tried to give you a ride and take advantage of you. And that’s how you ended up at the Philadelphia quarantine zone. Somewhere far away from Texas and the sticky heat and long carefree nights.

There were a lot of men like that in this world, who thought they could take things from vulnerable women. Little did they realize, the vulnerable women didn’t make it. Not all of them were like that, though. Bill and Frank weren’t. 

You’d met Frank over the radio, talking over some music his partner BIll was playing as some sort of signal. Frank was incredibly kind, warm and worldly in a world with almost nothing left. He’d offered to trade things between you and Megan’s QZ and the Lincoln town he lived in with Bill. 

And Bill? He was…Bill. He wasn’t exactly kind and open to strangers, but he knew the both of you and trusted you after all of these years. Whoever Frank loved, he loved. So when you’d heard the 80’s distress signal coming from the radio, you’d decided to risk the trip and make sure everything was okay. 

When you had gotten to the gate, usually coded, it was wide open and the two of you exchanged looks in surprise. Without having to say a word, you grabbed your handgun out of the glove compartment. Megan pulled up to Bill and Frank’s, seeing their door open. 

The two of you had tried to get out of the car as quietly as possible. Crouching behind the car as you heard the crunch of footsteps. 

“It could be Bill and Frank.” Megan whispered. 

“When is it like Bill to ever keep the gate open?” You asked her. You heard the crunches coming closer. 

The two of you signal to step out at the same time, adrenaline pumping through your veins. After all of this time, it never gets easier doing this. 

Before you could pull the trigger, you hear a HYAH and see a small figure jump out towards you. 

Jesus, it’s a child. Before she could try to stab either of you, Megan pins her down to the ground, knocking the knife out of the way and the kid squirms under her. 

You see another figure jump into frame to defend the kid. A man with grey hair, a broad frame and a handgun. The two of you are in a standoff but something feels off. You know you’ve been to Lincoln so many times before but something about this feels entirely too familiar. 

“Do not hurt the kid.” The man drawls, looking down at her and then back at you. “She didn’t—“

And then his eyes meet yours. Still as piercing as you remember. And you realize that you’re standing in front of Joel Miller for the first time in twenty years. 

“…Joel?” Megan says something first. 

“Hi Megan.” He looks at her briefly to acknowledge her, but he looks back at you. The gun still in his hand, gripped tightly. 

“We’re not looking for any trouble.” Joel says. “We’re here to check on our friends.”

“Bill and Frank.” You finally say to him. “Our friends.” The look of confusion on his face is apparent. 

“You two knew Bill and Frank?” He asks. 

“How about ‘it’s good to see you two alive after all this time’, Joel?” You ask him, exasperated. You were tired of holding this gun, your hands were getting clammy and you had no intentions of shooting him. Even after all this time, you knew he wouldn’t shoot both of you either. 

Megan lets the girl up and she runs to Joel. She puts her gun down and you motion for him to follow suit. He looks at you for a long hard moment, his eyes scanning your body as you feel yourself redden with embarrassment, feeling fully exposed in front of him and looking like apocalyptic shit. He sets his gun down as you follow suit. 

“I think y’all should come inside, then.” Joel said. “Some things you need to see.” 

You follow Joel and the young girl-you find out her name is Ellie- into Bill and Frank’s house. You go to the same place that Bill and Frank would keep supplies, notes or any clothing that Frank had to spare - the second cabinet to the right. That’s where you see their note. 

Frank’s condition had worsened over the past few years. A degenerative disease you weren’t sure exactly what it was, but when he asked for a wheelchair from the Philadelphia QZ you were both more than happy to bring it to them. You knew it was only a matter of time before he went. When Bill decided to go with him, you weren’t surprised. Despite his exterior, everything Bill did was for Frank, the man he loved. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt that kind of devotion to someone until today. 

The four of you sit at the table. An awkward silence between the four of you, the only sound being Ellie rocking her chair. One of the legs must’ve been broken and Bill hadn’t gotten to it ye–

Oh. Right. 

“I didn’t know Bill and Frank knew anyone else besides us.” Megan said. 

“Likewise. I guess that makes sense.” Joel said, his eyes still on you.

You agreed. “Frank, I’m sure, would’ve loved the extra company. More people to host garden parties and socialize for but if Bill had anything to do with it–” 

“He would’ve threatened to kill us.” You say in unison. 

“Trust me, he made sure to make us aware if we tried anything he had his gun right on the table the first time we met.” You said. 

“His reputation precedes himself.” Joel said. 

The two of you are silent for a moment. Megan and Ellie looking between the both of you. 

“Am I missing something?” Ellie asked, pointing at the two of you back and forth. 

“And I think that’s my queue to look around for some food. Maybe we can have some dinner, figure out what the fuck we’re doing and then call it a night before we go our separate ways, huh?” Megan quickly said. 

You sit at the table with Joel and Ellie, completely silent as Joel is now looking away from you and Ellie keeps looking at the both of you. 

“You can cut the tension with a knife, huh?” Ellie whistles. 

“Ellie, go take a shower. They’ve got hot water.” Joel says. She quickly gets up and runs down the hall. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice. But after I take one, you’re going in because man. And if we’re gonna be around company…” 

“Ellie.” He raises his voice into a stern inflection you haven’t heard since…

Where the hell is Sarah? 

—-------------------------------------------------

Later that night, you’ve hunkered down with Megan, Joel and Ellie. The four of you have rabbit along with some vegetables and rice from Frank’s garden. The tension has subsided as you’ve gotten into the wine cabinet. That’s when the memories flow back. The three of you share stories from Texas, your old lives that seem so long ago. Reminiscing on how things used to be as Ellie interjects with a question about the old world every now and then while reading a comic she snagged from Bill’s basement. 

Megan eventually stretches her arms up. “Well, I’ve been drivin’ all day and I’m exhausted. I’m about to hit the hay.” 

“Well I am gonna finish reading this in peace and quiet so I can read about this alien’s guts spilling out without interruptions. Goodnight! You kids have fun!” Ellie grins. 

Megan gives you a look etched in worry before she heads to the stairs. You roll your eyes at her because you can take care of your goddamn self. You have been for ages. 

You hear the footsteps go upstairs as you and Joel sit across from each other at the table. It’s like a lockbox with feelings you hadn’t had in years starts rattling in your chest, a monster of them waiting to come out and erupt.  

You look over at him, his hair slicked back from his shower, grays prominent in his hair and his beard. The swell of his lips was still prominent and had the ability to drive you crazy. 

“Bill and Frank.” You say to him, hoping to silence the voices in your own head.  

“Bill and Frank.” He repeats, his hands fidgeting on the table. 

“So, uh, I guess while we’re here–I’m gonna raid the liquor cabinet.” You head to the liquor cabinet to see if there’s anything strong enough to hold the awkward air between the two of you. You see a dusty bottle in the back of the cabinet, a red blend that looked entirely too familiar to pass up. 

You bring it to the table, setting it down in front of Joel. He looks up at you and shakes his head in disbelief, a small smile etched across his face. 

“After all this time, you still drink the same shitty red blend.” Joel says. 

“Can you handle your liquor any better, Miller?” You slide it towards him, he catches the bottle with one large hand. 

“I guess we’ll have to see.” He grumbles, slicing the wine bottle open with his knife. 

It didn’t take long for you to feel the heaviness of the wine, sloshing in your stomach as you and Joel took turns taking long drinks from the bottle. 

He tells you of Tess, his smuggling partner that had recently gotten infected while smuggling Ellie out of the city. While you admired her bravery and her sacrifice, you can’t help but feel a sting of jealousy. You’d had your partners every now and then, but none of them ever stuck around long enough. None of them ever mattered like he did. 

“She was like family.”  He stated. 

You knew you couldn’t just say sorry. “I’m sorry for your loss” almost seems insulting these days with teh weight of how much it happens. 

“Did–uh–you have any smuggling partners?” Joel asks, sipping on the bottle and looking away as if to play nonchalant. Twenty years and you can still tell when it’s all bullshit. 

“I did. None of them were exactly like family but they were enough to help Megan and I get by. I never trusted them enough to introduce them to Bill and Frank.” You said. 

“Oh.” Was all he could say. 

“I–I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let myself get too far with anyone after–” You can’t even bare to say it. But he looks at you as if you have, like you’ve just cut part of his soul open. 

“What the fuck happened?” You muttered, swigging from the bottle.

“You want the version they’re teaching kids in FEDRA school or the version we remember?” Joel asked. 

“Joel…” You give him a long look. He looks at you, briefly, breaking eye contact to look anywhere else and scowl. He chooses to grab the bottle from you, taking a large gulp. 

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” He says. 

“Maybe it doesn’t.” You say. “But I still wanna know. I just…we could’ve had this life.” 

His brow arches. 

“You and me. Tommy and Megan. Bill and Frank. We could’ve been a team. It would’ve been something.” 

“Tommy decided to fuck off and join the Fireflies. Pretend like he was makin’ a difference. And then when that fell through last I heard he was in Wyoming. Megan was better off.” He stated. 

“You were…” He silently mutters. 

“We don’t have to talk about any of it. I’ve done some shit I regret but I did it to survive. Because that’s what we have to do in this new world. I get it. But those first few years…I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” 

He takes a large drink of wine. “Or Tommy.” 

“Or Sarah.” 

“Well, there’s no damn use in thinkin’, is there?” Joel snaps back. You know you’ve clearly hit a nerve talking about Sarah. With whatever happened to her. Was she with the Fireflies? Was she with her Uncle Tommy? You’d hate to think it could be any worse. That brilliant, beautiful girl in any sort of trouble or not existing in this world. 

By the pain in Joel’s eyes, the exterior he’d tried to mask by furrowed brows and a hardened expression, you knew. Suddenly the air felt thick. 

“I’m sorry…I’m gonna step outside.” You rush to the porch as you feel the tears flood through your eyes. Sarah’s gone. You didn’t know that after all of the pain, after all of the violence, after everything this world has taken from you, that you could still feel this searing pain of loss. 

You suddenly hated yourself for not being there. For not calling. For running away from things when they had gotten too serious, as if some bullshit relationship problems would matter in a week’s time in that moment. You had no idea what was about to happen. 

If you’d known you would’ve lost everything and everyone in your life you had loved, you would’ve tried to hold on to the man you loved and his family for as long as you could. 

But then again…maybe it was better this way that you weren’t there. You didn’t hold him back, you didn’t hold him back either. This world isn’t for the weak. Love makes you fucking weak. Joel makes you so fucking weak, 20 years later. It’s infuriating, intoxicating and confusing. 

You hear the door open and footsteps come through. You wipe your tears away as you see Joel sit next to you on the bench. 

“I’m sorry.” He says, solemnly. “You didn’t know. It was that night of the…” 

“I know it’s so god damn insignificant now…but I’m so sorry I didn’t call.” You choke. Joel remains silent, his lips wavering. 

“You didn’t know.” He repeats himself. 

“So what happens now?” You ask him. 

“We do what we came here to do. Get our supplies, celebrate Bill and Frank and we drink.”  

“We drink.” You nod. 

And drink you did. 

You drank and remembered the good times, the times when he’d come over every Friday night that Sarah had a sleepover and you’d talk and touch each other until the sun came up. You drank and remember how even though Megan and Tommy had fizzled out, he had still come over to be with you. You drank and remembered the bad times, when you couldn’t handle the intimacy, you both couldn’t decide what this was. 

You can’t bear the way he looks at you. You need an escape. You head to Frank’s record collection. 

You dust off the record collection and see the familiar cover of Fleetwood Mac’s self titled album. You look up at Joel and his cheeks look like they sting with glee. He lets out a small giggle. 

“What was it I used to tell you?” You try to remember. 

“Records are timeless.” Joel says as you flip the vinyl to side B. “You were always right.” 

The room floods with the faint sounds of “Say You Love Me”. It had been years since you’d heard this song but you still remembered every word. Joel extended his hand out to you and you took it, fingers stroking his palm. 

You pressed yourself lightly against him, turning and looping over the hardwood floor as the music continued. Somehow, someway, you could still smell his subtle sandalwood scent. 

'Cause when the lovin' starts and the lights go down

And there's not another living soul around

You woo me until the sun comes up

And you say that you love me

The two of you giggled like children as you looped around Bill and Frank’s living room. The light of the moon shone on Joel’s face and the hardened exterior of the older man was gone for a moment, and you were taken back to 2003 where that gorgeous carpenter was leaning against your doorway for the first time. 

Your hand crept up his neck, feeling his peppered curls as he shivered. In response, he pressed his body closer to yours until you were cheek to cheek. 

He turns to face you. His eyebrows scrunched in worry and confusion of the feelings that were rising. He never thought he would see you again, and these damn emotions kept flooding through his body. 

“I showed up to your house that morning.” He whispered. “Right after we dropped Sarah off at school. My birthday.” 

“So do you still think it doesn’t matter?” You asked him. 

“It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“But it would’ve given us one more good day. Before it all went to shit. And if that’s all we had, then I’m okay with that. Better than the alternative.” 

You pressed your lips onto his, slow and calculated at first. You gave him one small peck to test his willingness to kiss you. You looked back at Joel and his eyes were shut tightly. 

“I’m sorry–I shouldn’t have–” You try to break away but he tightens his grip around you. 

“I’m just trying to savor this moment.” Joel whispers. You meet his lips again, hungrier, needier. Both of your hands exploring each other as if to make sure this was real and you weren’t dreaming it. 

“Joel.” You break away as he strokes your cheek. “Let’s go to bed.” 

“Yes ma’am.” He says. 

It’s no shock that after all this time, you and Joel still fit together like a glove. Your body melts into his with a comfort that you haven’t felt in years. You didn’t know your body could ever feel that good again. 

You didn’t think your hair, greasy and damaged when you looked at it in the mirror, could be stroked like that again. As if Joel had gotten a spool of gold and he didn’t want to ruin it, Joel petted you with delicacy as he undressed you. 

Your stomach, somehow softened throughout the years with age even though you hadn’t had proper nourishment in years, being planted with soft kisses as Joel moved south, desperate to taste your pussy again. 

You climb onto his lap and grip him with one hand, still as thick and as long as ever. You take a moment to look at him through the moonlight, after all these years he’s still incredibly handsome but this world took the sparkle in his eye away. 

“Please, sweetheart.” Joel begs. “Let me feel you again. I’m desperate.” 

That word is what makes you sink down onto him, inch by inch until he’s all the way inside. It was probably a bad idea to attempt to do this without any prep work but you didn’t care, you needed him and it filled a part of you that hadn’t been taken care of in years. 

“Fuck. Fuck.” Joel rasps. “You’re still so goddamn tight.” You can feel your inner muscles clenching at his thickness and the desperate groan that he releases makes you weak. 

You start to move, slowly, as his fingers dig into your hips. The pressure between the two of you is unbearable, you feel him and his full length but you’re desperate for more release. Joel’s ragged breaths concern you, though. 

“Are you gonna be okay if I go faster?” You ask him. 

“I ain’t that old, sweetheart.” Joel rasps under you, that damn smile back in action. 

And with that, you lifted yourself up and slammed yourself into him, grinding your clit against his cock at a fast and desperate pace. 

He moves forward, putting a mouthful of your breast into his mouth as his other hand rests on your lower back. You can feel the intense pleasure so blindly that you don’t know how long it’ll be until it boils over. When you contract around him and cum, Joel lets out an animalistic groan. 

“Fuck, that’s it.” He moans. “Milk my cock, baby.” 

You ride out your orgasm and just when you think you have time to recover, Joel begins to thrust upward deep and hard. His hips snapping up and bouncing you on top of him. He tangles his fingers into your hair, pulling you down to thrust his tongue into your mouth. 

You suck his tongue and desperately cling to him, unsure how much longer you’ll be able to go without cumming again. 

“I can feel it, sweetheart.” Joel groans. “Cum around my cock one more time, just give me one more. Please.” 

He breaks free from your tight embrace to rub your swollen clit as you grind on top of him again, trying to remain as silent as possible so you don’t wake anyone else in the house. 

You convulse and cum around him again, dizzy with pleasure as he takes one leg for leverage and begins to fuck into you harder than before. At this point, you can’t control the sounds coming out of you as he hits a spot inside of you that feels so good. His hips begin to stutter and Joel fills himself into you. He cums so hard that you feel it leaking out of you while he’s still inside. 

The two of you stayed just like that for a few moments, clung to each other as you heard his heartbeat hammering inside of his chest. You peppered soft kisses onto his body as you got from on top of him. The contrast of being full and then leaving him made you wince. 

Joel got up from the bed and you hesitated for a moment. Did he regret this decision? Was he going to sleep in his own bed? When he came back, he had a warm washcloth and he used it to wipe between your legs. Hot water will never be taken for granted in this world. 

The two of you then snuggled up together, the situation being better left unsaid. You knew that you both had to start preparing for the morning, so instead of talking, you just shut your eyes and tried to enjoy his strong arms around you. 

—-----------------

You heard a faint knock at the door and almost forgot where you were for a moment. When you felt Joel’s arms around you, his lips pressing against your cheek, you woke up with the biggest smile you’d had in a very long time. 

“Good morning, you two.” Ellie shouts throughout the door. “Knock knock. Megan’s making breakfast, wake your asses up, lovebirds!” 

“Don’t–don’t come in here Ellie.” Joel tries to exclaim, sleep in his voice. 

“I’m fucking good, man. I’m gonna help Megan with breakfast.” You hear her footsteps as she leaves the hallway and you turn to him. 

He was still there. And suddenly you were reminded of each and every time he’d stayed over, Megan making everyone breakfast as you’d talk and laugh through the previous night. 

This morning was no different. It felt oddly comfortable, the four of you enjoying each other’s company even though you knew it had to end. You’d spent the rest of the morning gathering supplies but then it was time to grab your backpack out of the bedroom. 

Joel was sitting on the edge of the bed. It reminded you of how things were the previous day, where he couldn’t look you in the eye. He was riddled with discomfort. In this world, you’re so used to not even having to say goodbye. That’s honestly not as painful as having to do it. 

You walk up to him, giving him a long hug. 

“Joel, if it’s true what you told me – if she’s immune – this is huge. It might give the world another chance. It might give us another chance.” You say to him. 

“You still have so much hope for the world. That's why I will always love you.” Joel whispers. You feel your heart crack. You feel the toolbox in your chest start to rattle. 

You know you shouldn’t say it. You know you’d be an idiot to say something so vulnerable and stupid in this world. But if you don’t say it, what else do you have? 

“I love you too, Joel. Take care of yourself, okay? Take care of Ellie. If you ever find yourself at the Philadelphia QZ you know where to find me.” You say to him. 

He presses his lips against you softly. As if to savor every moment, every feeling. Every curve and swell of your lip. He grabs at the back of your neck and you mimic him, grabbing the back of his. As if pushing further into the kiss could bring you back to those hot Austin nights. 

Because you knew this was the last time you’d get a good taste of home. 

You walk him out towards the car, Ellie already next to the passenger seat bouncing up and down because she had never ridden in a car before. You and Megan send them both off, his reflection in the rearview mirror never leaving your sight until the truck becomes a small blur. 

“You gonna be okay?” Megan asks you, with that same look of worry she had given you the night before. 

You’re not sure if you will be, but you have to forge ahead as you always do. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.” You state. And the two of you get ready to go, heading into the car back to the QZ. 

“Talk about a blast from the fuckin’ past.” Megan says, starting the car. “It’s funny…I had actually heard about Nick – y'know the one that was in the Fireflies– talking about somewhere in Jackson. Small fuckin’ world.” 

You lean your head up against the car window. Your thoughts immediately go back to last night. 

Small fuckin’ world indeed. 

[writing0305]

Hi, may I request something with Butcher? Prompts #5 and #15. Maybe the electricity goes out in the place where the boys are crushing for the night, and it's cold and windy so they're all freezing. Reader had to share a room with butcher, and when he sees her shivering he offers her his coat. It's still freezing though so they end up having to cuddle for warmth which makes reader anxious since they have a massive crush on butcher. Maybe butcher thinks he's making them uncomfortable, which leads to an unexpected confession and then to them falling asleep entangled in each other's arms :)

thank you in advance and feel free to change anything you want on my request 🙏💕

Heartbeat.

Pairing: Billy Butcher x F!Reader.

Summary: You've had a crush on Butcher for a long time and one powerless and cold night pushed you two closer together and made confessions come out.

Warning: Swearing. That's it, I think?

Prompt: Fluff - 5. "I can hear your heart beating, relax."

15. "Your jacket smells like you." - "Is that a good a good thing?" - "It’s… It’s comforting."

----

Thank you for this request!! I enjoyed writing it so much!! I hope I did your request justice and you like it!!

It had been weeks since you, along with the boys, had to go into hiding. All your covers had been blown and you were all burned. Grace Mallory had been kind enough to help you with a hideout. The place was shitty and falling apart and the neighborhood was sketchy.

It was only three bedrooms between the six of you and everyone had to room up together. Frenchy had insisted that Kimiko and him share, and before you could intervene, Hughie had already claimed MM as his roommate.

Hughie was one of the only people who knew about the crush you have on Butcher. The second he joined the boys, you and Hughie grew close and one night after sharing a bottle of wine, you confessed to Hughie that you liked Butcher. And since that very fucking day, Hughie has done everything in his power to push you and Butcher closer together.

Butcher didn’t mind sharing a room with you, but for you, it was a living hell. You were extremely aware and self-conscious of everything you did around Butcher. You two had a close relationship and that only made it harder for you. Because you couldn’t pull away from him without him getting suspicious but pretending to only want to be close friends with him was torture.

One night you were in the living room, sitting on a crappy couch with Butcher and Frenchy. While they watched a movie, your attention was running around the dimly lit room. You always tried to keep noise and lights to a minimum in the house, so as to not draw any attention. Right now, the room was only illuminated by the small TV screen.

Suddenly the TV went off and the place felt ten times darker and colder in the absence of power. MM came out of the room he shared with Hughie, who was already sleeping. “Is the power out?” He asked as he glanced around.

Butcher stared at the turned off tv for a second before tilting his head to look over at MM.“No, can’t ya see the TV is on? Look, they’re showing those fuckin’ rich sisters with the ginormous asses.” He snarkily replied as he pointed towards the TV and Frenchy let out a chuckle.

MM rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You gotta be a dick all the time?” He questioned as he raised his eyebrows at Butcher.

Butcher offered him a lopsided smirk as he spread out his arms by his sides. “It’s my trademark.” He replied and MM rolled his eyes again as he shook his head.

You got up from the couch, patting your feet through the dark. You made your way over towards one of the windows that had been plastered over one of the many busted windows in the place. You shivered at the cold breeze blowing over your face as you peeled a piece of the newspaper back and glanced outside at the pitch-black streets. “Look’s like the whole street is out.” You informed them as you pulled away from the window and Frenchy turned on the flashlight of his phone, lighting the room up a little.  ���Fuck, it’s freezing in here.” You muttered as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

“Maybe we can start a fire, no?” Frenchy asked as he looked between you, Butcher, and MM with raised eyebrows.

MM slowly turned around to face Frenchy, raising his eyebrows. “On the fucking floor?” He asked as he pointed his hands down at the floor before shrugging his shoulders. “Where the fuck are you going to make a fire, Frenchy?” He asked, seeing as the shitty place didn’t have a fireplace.

“It was just a suggestion,” Frenchy muttered softly as his lips slightly pouted out and his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah well, it was a dumb fucking suggestion.” MM huffed as he shook his head at Frenchy, a frown tugging at his lips that nearly made him look disappointed and it made you smile.

“I’m going to bed.” You muttered with a soft sigh as you stretched your back and the three men said their goodnights as you sauntered off to your room. Two mattresses lay on the floor, both on opposite sides of the room. You sighed as you glanced at your mattress with only one blanket lying across it.

You pulled on a sweater to warm yourself up a little in the cold. The only window in the room was busted as well and it allowed for a cold breeze. You kicked off your shoes, keeping your socks and even your jeans on. You all had grown used to keeping your day clothes on for when you had to leave through the night in a hurry.

You climbed underneath your blanket and pulled your knees up to your chest as you lay on your side. Your body trembled every time you shivered and your teeth began to clatter. Your muscles quickly grew sore as your shivers grew more frequent.

The door to the room opened and Butcher looked down at you, eyebrows deeply furrowing. “Jesus, I can hear ya fucking teeth clatter all the way down the hall.” He grunted with a huff as he made his way through the room, kicking a bag of clothes out of his way.

You scoffed as you sat up on your mattress, lips pouting as you rested your chin on your knees, wrapping your arms around your legs. “As if this place wasn’t cold  enough to begin with.” You muttered softly. “Why don’t we have more blankets?” You asked with a sigh.

Butcher turned to you, quirking an eyebrow. “Sorry luv, wasn’t on the fuckin ‘running from every law in this country’, bucket list.” He replied as he shrugged his shoulders and spread his arms out by his sides.

You stared up at him, pursing your lips. “You know, MM is right.” You muttered softly, but there was a lighthearted tone to your voice.

Butcher hummed as his head cocked to the side. “About?” He questioned as he raised his eyebrows.

“You being a dick.” You replied softly as a teasing smile tugged at your lips. A shiver ran down your back and you wrapped your arms tighter around your legs.

Butcher scoffed in amusement at your words and he nodded in agreement. "Thank you, luv.” He muttered with a grin. He stared at you as you shivered again and he pursed his lips and pulled off his long black trench coat. “Here, take my coat.” He insisted.

Your eyes slightly widened in the dark room and your lips parted. Your heart began to beat with loud thuds in your chest. “No, I can’t do that.” You replied softly as you shook your head. You couldn’t have Butcher be cold just for you. Even though you were sure the temp V warmed him right up.

“Take it.” He insisted as he dropped the coat down on your mattress. “Can’t listen to your teeth chattering the whole bloody night.” He muttered as he climbed down on his mattress, pulling a blanket over his legs and resting with his back against the wall.

“Thank you.” You spoke up softly as you sat up on your knees and grabbed his coat. You shrugged it on and tensed up when you smelled his lingering scent on the fabric. You softly cleared your throat as you sat back.

Butcher watched you, his eyebrows furrowing. “What is it?” He questioned as his head tilted to the side.

You pursed your lips as you shrugged your shoulders. “Your coat smells like you." You muttered softly as you wrapped your arms around your waist, leaning into the warmth of his coat.

Butcher was silent for a few seconds as he stared at you, admiring the way you looked completely engulfed in his coat that was a little just too big for you. "Is that a good thing?" He asked after a while as he raised his eyebrows.

Now it was your turn to be silent for a few seconds. You stared into the darkness in front of you as you pursed your lips again. Butcher hummed questionally and that snapped your attention back to him. You turned your head to face him. “It’s… It’s comforting." You whispered and your whole body grew so warm that you almost stopped shivering.

“Yeah?” He asked, his voice oddly soft as his eyes remained on you. “And why is that?” He asked curiously as he shifted on his mattress so that most of his focus could be on you.

Again you remained silent for a second before shrugging your shoulders again. “I don’t know…it just is.” You muttered softly as you shifted to lie down, pulling your blanket tightly over yourself as you curled up. You began shivering again and your teeth clattered.

Butcher watched you for a while, sighing when all that filled the silence, was your teeth clattering together. “Bloody hell, I can still hear your teeth, Y/n.” He muttered.

“I can’t help it.” You replied with a sigh as you curled up even more, trying to stop your teeth from clattering but failing completely. “It’s a normal bodily function.” You huffed at him.

Butcher stared at you for a while again before he flipped back his blanket. “Come over here.” He softly called out to you as his lips pulled into a thin line.

Your heart nearly skipped a beat right there. Your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at  Butcher through the darkness surrounding you. “What?” You asked in confusion.

“Bring ya blanket and come here.” He insisted as he patted the spot directly next to him on his mattress.

This time, you could have sworn your heart did skip a beat. Your lips parted as you stared at Butcher, your stomach knotting. “You…you mean-” You muttered softly, letting your sentence drift into nothingness.

“Yes,” Butcher replied as he patted the spot again. “Body heat will warm ya up faster than that flimsy fuckin’ blanket.” He said as he nodded his head at the blanket that covered you.

“O-okay.” You muttered, hesitantly getting up from your mattress and patting your way toward Butcher’s. your heartbeat picked up with every step you took. You hesitantly lay down next to Butcher as he shifted, pulling his blanket over your body before wrapping an arm around you.

You ever so slightly tensed as you were pulled against his chest, your head naturally coming to rest on his shoulder. Butcher was warm, extremely warm. The lasting effects of the last of the temp V in his system. You were one of the few that was aware he had been shooting the shit up into his veins. What you didn’t know was, that your crying when you found out about it, was what made Butcher stop taking it. He swore to find another way to kill Homelander. He couldn’t be the cause of your heartache or tears.

Another lasting effect that still lingered was his enhanced senses. He could so clearly smell the mixture of both your scent and his scent combined on you. He could also hear how loud and fast your heart beated. The thudding nearly hurt his ears.

“Bloody hell, I can hear your heart beating, relax, will ya?” He spoke up in a grumbling voice as he gave your arm a gentle but firm squeeze. It was an attempt to calm you but his touch only made your heart beat so much faster.

“I can’t help it.” You whispered as you squeezed your eyes shut, feeling embarrassed of the fact that he could so vividly hear your heart. You were surprised he didn’t notice the way your heartbeat always picked up when he was around.

“Yeah?” He hummed softly as he raised his eyebrows.  “Is sounding like ya heart’s about to fuckin’ give out, a normal bodily function as well?” He questioned sarcastically, with a hint of teasing in his gruff voice.

“In this situation, yeah.” You muttered underneath your breath but the temporary supe next to you heard every single word.

“This situation?” He questioned as his eyebrows furrowed and you sighed softly at the knowladge that he had heard your words.

“Can we just sleep, please?” You pleaded softly with him as your eyes remained closed and you almost let out a breath of relief when the room went silent. Butcher didn’t say a word for a few seconds and you started to wonder if he had fallen asleep.

But he didn’t, and he spoke up once again. “You know…we’ll warm up faster naked.” He commented as a smirk tugged at his lips. He always enjoyed making comments like that. Especially when he was on temp V because then he could hear the way your heartbeat picked up and he could feel the heat of embarrassment and shyness radiate off you.

Your eyes widened and you tensed for a second. “What?” You questioned softly as your heartbeat thudded so loud, it pounded in your eardrum.

“Skin on skin, they say it warms ya right up.” He explained, and while you couldn’t look up at him in the darkness, you could nearly hear the smirk in his voice.

“Yeah, when you’re wet.” You muttered softly as you sighed, slowly shaking your head.

“Well, I bet ya are.” He commented playfully as he chuckled softly.

Your eyes shot open and you gasped. “Butcher.” You scolded him as you slapped his chest and he could hear your heartbeat picking up once again.

He cleared his throat, shifting in his spot. “Sorry luv, didn’t mean to make ya uncomfortable.” he apologized softly as he gave your arm another squeeze. “Just kiddin’ with ya.” He assured. Usually, you weren’t this affected by his filthy mouth. Other times you would have laughed.

“You can’t say things like that when you’re this close.” You muttered softly as your lips slightly pouted out and your eyebrows furrowed.

Butcher was silent for a second, his eyebrows knitting together. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked softly as he looked down at you.

Your eyes slightly widened and you gulped down the lump forming in the back of your throat. “Nothing.” You whispered as you shook your head.

Butcher shifted, sitting up and forcing you to sit up as well. “No luv, you can’t say things like that with ya heart fuckin beatin’ like this.” He said as he reached out to place a hand against your chest, feeling the thuds of your heart beneath his palm. His eyebrows furrowed as your heartbeat picked up at his touch. He moved his hand from your chest and cupped your cheek. “Tell me what’s goin’ on in that head of yours.” He insisted.

You stared at him through the darkness, taking a deep breath before you spoke up. It was no or fucking never. “It’s you…it’s you that makes my heart beat like this.” You admitted softly and his head tilted to the side.  “It’s like I can’t fucking think straight with you around and I get this warm feeling in my chest, and my heart beats like crazy, and it feels like…I don’t know how to explain it.” You sighed as you lowered your head.

Butcher stared at you as a look of realization crossed his face. He lifted your head so that you could face him. “Ya don’t have to luv.” He replied softly as he shook his head. “I know the feelin’.” He admitted as his thumb brushed over your skin.

Your eyes widened and your lips parted. “You do?” You asked softly as your eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“Yes.” He admitted with a nod of his head before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead and then he moved down to kiss the tip of your nose and then down to press a feather-light kiss to your lips. You inhaled softly at the touch of his lips against yours. He smiled when your heartbeat picked up for a second again. “Get some sleep.” He insisted.

He shifted to lie down again and pulled you with him. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you snuggly against his chest. His warmth engulfed you completely. Your head was nuzzled into the crook of his neck and his head rested against yours. That’s how you fell asleep that night and every other night that followed. Sometimes with fewer clothes or no clothes, but always in each other’s arms.

[lvrdrafts]

Rescued by Love Part 1

★ Summary: Your brother Steve always hated you after your mother's death and when he finally gets the family's empire he is ready to sell you off to some toxic marriage but will the knight and shining armor save you or make it worse?

★ Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader

★ Warnings: Arranged Marriage

★ Word Count: 2,000+

★ Genre: Angst/ Fluff

Masterlist

From the moment you took your first breath, you carried the weight of a past you didn't fully understand. It was a past overshadowed by the loss of your mother – a loss that your older brother, Steve, held against you.

As far back as you can remember, there was always a palpable tension in the air whenever you were around Steve. His eyes held a mixture of resentment and sorrow, a constant reminder of the day your mother's life slipped away while giving birth to you. A day that, in his eyes, marked the beginning of his own torment.

Your father, desperate to mend the frayed threads of your family, tried tirelessly to bridge the gap between you two. He believed that time and shared experiences could heal the wounds that festered beneath the surface. But no matter his efforts, Steve's heart remained encased in ice, his bitterness toward you seemingly unbreakable.

★

15 years later...

The air was alive with the beat of the music and the laughter among the people at the lively party. Steve and Bucky stood by the refreshments table, each holding a drink and engaged in a casual conversation

"So, have you talked to Sarah lately?" Bucky asked, leaning against the table. Steve shrugged, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Yeah, we caught up yesterday. She's doing okay, just busy with school and all."

Bucky chuckled, nudging Steve playfully. "You know, I think she's got a crush on you." Steve's cheeks flushed slightly, and he rolled his eyes. "Come on, Bucky. We've been friends forever. It's not like that."

As they continued chatting, you stood at a distance, watching them with a mix of envy and loneliness. You'd always felt like an outsider, never quite fitting in with the crowd.

Seeing Steve and Bucky laughing together only accentuated your isolation. Summoning up your courage, you decided to approach them. You took a deep breath and walked over, hoping to join the conversation and maybe finally feel like you belonged somewhere.

"Hey, guys," you greeted softly, a small smile on your face. Steve and Bucky turned their attention toward you, their expressions changing ever so slightly. Steve's smile faded, and his brows furrowed as if he was annoyed by your presence. Bucky knew how this would end and a part of him felt bad.

"What do you want?" Steve snapped, you'd heard that tone so many times. But still, you were taken aback by his sharpness, and you stumbled over your words.

"I just thought... I mean, I don't really know anyone here, no one really wants to talk to me... and I thought maybe I could join you guys."

Bucky shot Steve a sidelong glance, his eyes silently questioning the change in his friend's demeanor. Steve's lips twisted into a bitter smile.

"We're not in the mood for your company. Just go find someone else to annoy." Bucky shot Steve a look, clearly taken aback by his friend's harsh tone. "Steve, come on."

Ignoring Bucky's protest, you felt a lump forming in your throat. "Please I promise I won't bother you and-and I—"

Cutting you off, Steve's frustration boiled over. "Well, maybe you should've thought twice before showing up. People like you shouldn't be at parties like this."

Your heart plummeted, a mix of hurt and humiliation washing over you. Swallowing hard, you turned and hurriedly walked away, tears stinging your eyes. You found a quiet corner where you could be alone and tried to hide your face as you wiped away your tears.

As you huddled there, Bucky's voice reached your ears. "Was that really necessary, Steve?" Steve's response was cold and unapologetic.

"Yeah, it was. She's always been nothing but trouble, if it wasn't for her I would have still had my mother."

Bucky sighed, a mixture of disappointment and frustration in his voice. "You still didn't have to be so harsh. She's just a kid who wants some friends. You don't have to be an ass about it."

Steve shrugged, a stubborn set to his jaw. "She needs to know her place."

★

7 years later...

The corridors of the mansion stretched out before you, each step echoing the weight of my uncertainty. Ever since your father had succumbed to Alzheimer's and the grip of illness, Steve had ascended as the new head of your family's sprawling mafia empire.

It was a shift that had altered the dynamics of your life in ways you couldn't have imagined. With hesitant determination, you made my way toward Steve's office, a heaviness in my chest that seemed to grow with each passing moment.

Even if he didn't love you, you were still determined to try even if it would take a million years so like every day you brought him lunch even though you knew he was probably going to reject it.

As you approached the slightly afar door, fragments of conversation reached my ears, stealing my breath away. "...marrying her off to Jason Storm," Steve's voice cut through the air, a sentence that hit like a sledgehammer to your heart.

Jason Storm – a name that carried a reputation that curdled your stomach. A man who was known for his cruelty, a vicious cycle of abusing his wives. The realization struck you like a bolt of lightning – your life, your choices, was being manipulated for the sake of getting rid of you.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stumbled away from the door, your world crumbling around you. The bitterness of the truth tasted like betrayal, a sharp reminder that in this world of shadows and secrets, your well-being mattered little in the grand scheme of things.

You found yourself outside, the cool air doing little to quell the turmoil within you. The weight of your emotions was suffocating, and the façade you had tried to maintain for so long was crumbling. Your sobs echoed through the empty corridor as you leaned against the wall, your heart aching for the love and compassion you had always hoped to find within your own family.

Amidst the darkness of my despair, a voice cut through the haze – a voice you recognized as James Barnes, a name that held a sense of familiarity and warmth. "You can't do this, Steve." Bucky's words were fierce, laden with conviction.

His presence was a surprise, a glimmer of hope in the darkness that had enveloped you. You wiped your tears away as you listened intently, your heart pounding in your chest. "Why not?" Steve's voice was tinged with a coldness that had become all too familiar. "Because it's wrong, Steve. You can't marry her off to a man like Jason Storm. You know what he does to his wives,"

Bucky's words were like a lifeline, a lifeline that you had never expected to find. Steve's retort was sharp, but Bucky's resolve didn't waver. "You want to marry her, then?" At that moment, you felt a spark of something deep within you, a flicker of hope that perhaps someone was willing to stand up for you, to see you as more than just a pawn in a dangerous game.

Bucky's voice held a determination that cut through the tension. "No, that's not what I meant." And then the words that would change everything hung in the air – words that carried a mix of motives that I couldn't fully comprehend.

"Actually, I will," Bucky declared. But in Bucky's heart, he didn't want to marry you, but marrying you would be a disguise for his parents to stop nagging him while he was off with whores.

As the weight of the conversation continued to hang heavy in the air, the office door swung open, revealing Steve and Bucky. You sat there, tears glistening in your eyes, vulnerable in your moment of despair. Steve's scowl deepened as his eyes met yours, and without a word, he turned and walked away, leaving you to wrestle with your emotions alone. Bucky; however, spared you a quick smile before quickly following Steve.

[wintersera]

would you be open to writing mommy!kim lip fucking reader with her strap

mommy!kimlip x f!reader

notes: felt like i needed to make reader a little bratty but i dont know if it’s bratty enough ☹️ kimlip is also a little mean.

cw: mommy kink, spanking, STRAP!!! (term cock is used for strap too), bratty reader (sorta), edging at the end?

word count: 0.9k

it’s currently 9am in the morning and it seems that lippie was in a horrible mood. you know how it is with her, sleeping at 8pm at night and waking up at 6am in the morning. but of course, oec are performing and she had to stay up late as hell.

now, as the youngest of the group, you were well… a bit of a brat. you wanted the attention of your mommy on you and not on whatever the manager was saying, so like an annoying little kid you came from behind, wrapping your arms around her waist.

the people around, and kimlip herself, were pretty much used to your behaviour, you’d always follow lippie around like a kid, hugging, touching, doing whatever to her. it seemed innocent at first, everyone just ignored what you were doing and carried on with their day, but as soon as you slithered your hands into her pockets to caress her thighs, she grew sort of annoyed and undeniably turned on. she wanted to listen to the manager so bad but your annoying ass was distracting her.

whispering under her breath “y/n stop. can’t you see i’m trying to listen?”

you ignored her.

continuing to rub your hands on her thighs, she had to stifle a moan. it was embarrassing for her, the manager questioning if she okay and if she was ill due to her flushed face. oh she was getting pissed off.

“we’re in public y/nie. save this for later or else…”

or else what? you thought to yourself. what is she gonna do with so many people in the room?

“manager. can i excuse myself? i need to have a talk with y/n. it’s important” with a stern tone and a cold look she turned to you… oh fuck you forgot that she was your leader.

dragging you outside the room and into another, she threw you into the wall with force, not enough to hurt you though. “what was that all about, huh?” her voice was flat, at this point you knew you were screwed.

“wait, sorry. i didn’t mean it.”

“didn't mean it? as if you weren’t trying to fuck me right in front of the manager” its as if her words were like daggers. cold and piercing. “why don’t you be a good girl for once and follow mommy's orders” reaching for the bag she brought with her, you couldn’t help but wonder what she was going to do. punish you? it seems like it. “strip. now.”

a shiver ran down your spine. strip? with the chances of someone walking into this room right now? “come on, obey mommys orders or else”

“o-okay mommy…” with ease, you took off your flimsy hoodie followed by your sweatpants, leaving you almost completely bare. it was embarrassing, she was standing there with full authority over your exposed body, lights on and everything.

“atta girl. now bend over”

and you did what you were told, fearing as if she was going to punish you badly when you got back to the dorms.

you wanted to please her, you obviously knew she was pissed off but you didn’t know it went to this extent. so with that in mind you spread open your pussy, arousal coating your folds.

if it wasn’t anymore humiliating, she suddenly slapped your ass, a loud thud echoing around the room. hissing at the hot throbbing pain in your cheek, it was quickly replaced by a feeling teasing your dripping hole.

“fuck- jungeun?!” another slap to your ass,

“that's mommy to you, another mistake and i’ll leave you here” hands on your hips, she steadies herself as she prepares you for her strap…? she brought her strap into the music bank changing rooms?

“oec we’re back on stage in 10 more minutes” panic starting to set into your body, what do you mean 15 more minutes? “m-mommy wait i don’t think we have enou-“ within seconds you feel her cock reach deep into your pussy, ramming into you without any mercy. an unbelievably loud moan ripping out from your throat, followed by the sound of her tutting in disapproval.

“be quiet”

fuck it was good. your legs were already shaking from the immense pleasure, her cock hitting your favourite place with every thrust. “oh my god, mommy- fuckfuckfuck slow down p-please” you could tell she loved being called ‘mommy’ noticing that whenever you call her that, she groans. her nails sinking hard into your skin leaving red stripes across the sides of your waist.

hands supporting yourself on the wall, you moan out loud on accident. as if you weren’t red before, your face was now flushed red, the embarassment was too much for you that you felt overwhelmed.

pulling your hair from behind, jungeun made you look back at her. eyebrows furrowed as she slams into your abused pussy relentlessly. “do i make you feel good? baby do i make your tight pussy feel good?” only focused on yourself you answered her with a small nod. unhappy with, your reaction she slapped your ass harder than earlier. “good girls use their words, are you gonna cum? tell mommy you’re gonna cum” the anger in her voice being oh so delicious, it was driving you so close to the edge.

“cum- cumming mommy pleasplease i’m cumming” legs beginning to spasm and your eyes rolling back, you felt your orgasm come close and then…. she pulls out. “what the fuck?” whining at the loss of her cock in you, sadness crosses your face, “why’d you pull out?”

she doesn’t answer, instead, she let’s your managers booming voice answer for you “oec, you’re about to get on stage” taking the strap of her, she places it back inside her backpack (specifically for the strap) walks to the door and stops before she could open it.

“if you perform well, i’ll think about letting that punishment go later” then she walks out without a care, leaving you without an orgasm. fuck…

[luvrxbunny]

idk

Pairing: No Outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Prompt: Praise 

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, praise (kinda like body worship), age-gap, piv, unprotected sex (lmk if I forgot anything)

WC: 2.8k

A/N: this might suck im so sorry, its super rushed. also I couldn't think of a name (not proofread at all)

You shake your head as your friends laugh. They always think it’s funny, and although it doesn’t bother you very much, it’s still quite annoying. Your friends seem to think that your relationship with Joel is a fling, some sort of manic, impulsive decision to date someone so much older than you. You’ve explained to them over and over again that what you have with Joel is as real as it gets. You’ve never been more in love with anyone, but they think you’re dickmatized, they’re waiting for you to ‘snap out of it’.

“I told you guys, I love him.” You state before finishing your drink, rolling your eyes at the way they giggle. You check your phone for updates but all you get is Joel’s same ‘15 minutes away.’ text that was there the last time you checked. You pray that every light he comes across is green and the streets are empty, you want to get out of here as soon as possible. 

“I don’t even know if I believe that!” Stacey is drunker than she should be, saying things she shouldn’t be. You’ve grown used to it now, she’s the one who has the most to say about your relationship. “I feel like you treat him like…” She laughs abruptly. “Like he’s your boss or something!” She cackles again at the way your face drops. “And he- he could be, ‘cause he’s so old.” You take a deep breath and look up at her, your face blank as her laughter dies down. 

“Joel is-” Just uttering his name from your lips brings a smile to your face. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He understands me, my needs, and my wants in a way that I don’t even understand. I’ve known him for a year and a half now, I’ve known you much longer, yet he knows more about me than you ever will. He’s my everything and that’s never gonna change. I’m not upset at you, just to clarify.” You say with a soft chuckle. “I think all of this is coming from a place of jealousy if I’m being completely honest. I hope that you find someone who loves you like you’re his entire universe.” You begin to collect your things, deciding you can wait for Joel outside. 

“He makes me feel like an angel, like-” You laugh at their shocked and confused expressions. They have no clue what you’re talking about, it makes you pity them a bit, but it mostly makes you happy, feeling lucky you were able to find it. “Anyway…” You chuckle awkwardly and stand to leave. “That’s how I feel about him. So, if you could like… not, say things insinuating that I don’t love my boyfriend, I would really love that.” You smile and awkwardly bow/curtsey at them, waving and walking away. You’re a bit embarrassed at the silence in the room as you walk away. You turn the corner as quickly as you can and jump at the man standing in the middle of the foyer. 

“Joel!? Oh- You scared the shit outta me!” You place a hand over your heart with a smile, taking deep breaths as you walk toward him. “Did you text? I’m sorry there was an… altercation.” He nods at you slowly and only then do you realize his stare. It’s different from the one you usually get, softer, more watery somehow. “I know.” He pauses to take a deep breath as you reach him. His hand reaches out for yours and you take it with a confused smile as you both start walking to the front door. “I uh- I heard actually.”

Joel feels your hand tense in his for a moment as you let out a nervous giggle. “Oh! That- That’s great.” You chuckle and glance up at him for a moment, mumbling. “That’s so embarrassing.” He laughs gently at that, his hand leaving yours once you guys reach the car. “That’s not true, darlin’.” He says as he climbs into the car. You’re chuckling quietly, still embarrassed as you ride home in near silence, the only noise being the little hum of the radio. 

He doesn’t bring it up until after dinner, you’re both on the couch, in Joel's shirt, watching some movie that recently came out but Joel’s mind is on the rant he heard from you earlier. He had shown up unannounced due to his phone dying mid-way through the drive-over. He heard Stacey mention the way you act toward him, how unaffectionate you were. Joel doesn’t necessarily agree with that but he’s definitely questioned your feelings toward him before, constantly wondering if you actually like him or if you’re just lonely. So of course he wanted to hear your answer, he prepared himself for the worst, held his breath, grit his teeth, and waited for the pain of your answer. His heart stuttered when you paused after “Joel is-” 

He was ready to hear the most heartbreaking words tumble from your mouth next, but then you said he was the best thing to ever happen to you, and his heart stopped. His eyes went wide as you rambled on, saying wonderful thing after wonderful thing. He felt his heart tremble inside his chest, loving the things you were saying, and the way you were defending him against your friends. The fact that you were outwardly announcing the extreme feelings you have for him made so many different emotions swirl through him. He was in a daze until you turned the corner, and he’s fallen into that same one again. 

You can feel Joel staring at you, you can see his head turned your way from the corners of your eye. You’re trying to ignore it, but he clears his throat and you turn toward him. “You okay?” His face is a bit frantic and he’s looking at you in that way again, the one you couldn’t really explain. He’s taking slow breaths and turns to you, letting you know this was going to be a whole conversation. You face him, letting the TV play because you don’t even understand the movie anyway. 

“Why don’t you talk to me that way?” His question baffles you. You glace over at the TV, seeing if he's referring to something that happened in the movie but come up with nothing. You turn back to him slowly, watching his expectant, worried expression, and furrow your brows at him, prompting him to explain himself. “Back at Stacey’s house, you were sayin’ real nice things.” You feel the temperature in the room rise as embarrassment creeps into your bones. 

‘Why don’t you talk to me that way?’

“Do you want me to?” You ask concerned. You would never want to even imagine that Joel isn’t feeling loved enough, that you’re not giving him enough, despite all the things you do for him. You reach out for him, waving your hands toward yourself to motion him closer. His head is hung, staring at the couch’s cushions as he scoots himself to you. “I can start telling you all this stuff. I- Honestly I didn’t think you’d want to hear it.” You giggle nervously and take a sudden interest in the couch's patterns. 

Joel’s shocked to his core at your words but quickly takes your opening. “I’d really like it if you’d tell me... I get worried that maybe you don’t- “ He takes a deep breath, his chest heaving with a sigh. “That maybe you don’t like me as much as I-” You cut him off with a hurt, yet firm, “No!”

“Joel you’re so so-” You grunt, unable to explain the way he makes you feel. “You just- You’re everything good, and positive, and amazing in this world.” His entire body relaxes as he lets out a relieved sigh. “You’re perfect. You can’t even argue with me on that. You’re literally my dream guy. You’re kind, even though you’re hot enough that you probably don’t even need to be as nice as you are. You care about me and my feelings even though I’d probably just let you use my body, and throw me away if you really wanted. I-” You pause and take a breath- already worried about how he’ll take some of the things you’ve said. You give him a shy smile, a small laugh slipping out at his dazed look. 

Joel couldn’t breathe as you spoke. His heart was swelling at every word, but there was also a dull hum in his lower stomach that was growing the longer you did. It flares up when you meet his eyes, giving him that pretty smile he loves so much. His head is all jumbled up. He doesn’t know if you’ve asked him something or if he should be responding. All he knows is that he really wants- really needs more. “Can-” He clears his throat, stalling and trying to clear his mind a bit. “Could you tell me more about- about my looks? How-” He feels anxiety flare in his chest as he requests. He’s looking at his hands, examining his knuckles, completely terrified at how you’ll react to the request, scared that you’ll have a look on your face that’ll break his heart. “How do you feel about ‘em?”

Joel has to fight the urge to run his fingers through his hair, run his nails along his beard to comb it and maybe cover the patches. He’s already regretting asking you. He didn’t get enough sleep last night, he probably has bags and he can’t even begin to think about how many gray hairs he has littering his head, and his beard. This shirt is a little too tight too, he can feel his stomach pressing against the fabric.

What do I expect her to say? Fuck, this was a stupid fuckin’ idea. I should’ve at least looked in goddamn mir-

His thoughts are cut off by a squeal and your shaking body. You’re wiggling yourself back and forth on the couch, bouncing in excitement. “Oh my god, Joel, I have so much to say.” He’s astonished at your excitement, at how eager you are to praise him. He can feel the humming in his stomach intensify. “You’re so-” Your voice drops to an adorably shy whisper. “You’re so fucking hot.” He lets out a soft gasp as you straighten your back, place your hands in your lap, and put on a semi-serious face before speaking. 

“So the first thing that’s coming to mind right now is your thighs.” His eyes flicker down, but it doesn’t clarify anything. “How big they are, how thick and meaty- Ugh! I love them so much!” His heart warms and his pulse races at the way you’re smiling, as though telling him these things brings you actual, genuine, joy. “So next I’d like to mention your arms- oh, your arms. They’re so thick, you’re so strong” Your hand comes up slowly to squeeze his bicep, then caress it softly and he can feel himself hardening in his pants. He finally understands the feelings your words cause, he’s grateful, feeling incredibly loved, and insanely turned on. 

“Now I wanna talk about your shoulders! Okay so, what really messes me up like- in general, is how fucking-” You take a shaky breath, that shy smile on your face again as you look at his lap, almost crying at how empty it looks. He notices your hesitance, where your gaze is and he sits back, opening his legs a bit wider and tilting his head toward it. He’s ready to have you on him, for you to know how this is affecting him. His breathing is already speeding up at the thought, watching you climb into his lap. You gasp, eyes wide, a devious smile on your face as you stare at him after feeling the way he's pressing into his jeans for you. “Joel…” Your tone is teasing but playful, bringing a smile to his face as you settle yourself in his lap. 

“You like this? That’s why you want me to talk to you all nice?” His mouth drops open as his hips tilt up, pressing into you as his cock hardens fully. You can feel him filling out his boxers as he nods eagerly at you. You’re grinning as he lowers his hips back down but keeps a small grind for his personal sanity. “Can you keep-”

You’re nodding and continuing before he can finish. “You’re so big, Joel.” The compliment comes out as a whine and you tilt your hips toward him, pressing your chest against his, and your clit into the tip of his dick. He’s groaning your name and bringing his hands to your hips, pushing you into him. “You’re so broad, m-makes me feel so safe.”

He’s kissing your cheek as you speak, grinding up into you, and pressing your hips to him. Your head is getting clouded, consumed with your love for Joel, with the pleasure you’re giving him. “You- Your hair.” His heart stutters slightly, nervous about what you’ll say. “The curls, and it’s so soft and-” Your eyes slip shut as your hips take over, moving on their own as you grip Joel’s hair, pulling him into your chest. “The salt and pepper look is so good, Joel.”

“Fuck me.” His eyes roll back and his hands push your hips up. His hands fumble with his belt as you smother him in your chest, whining about how much you love him. “Love that this turns you on s’much, baby. It’s so fucking cute.” He can hear the smile in your voice and his eyes roll back as he lets out a sweet moan of your name, pressing the heel of his palm into his dick for a moment. 

“Sweetheart, I gotta-” His words are broken by a whine as he finally gets his cock out of his pants, wrapping his warm hand and pumping his cock perfectly. He could cum like this, with you above him, telling him about every feature of his and how it affects you. Your hips are still swiveling in the air as you speak, waiting and looking for something to press against your pussy. It’s the only reason he doesn’t just keep jerking himself to your words. “I gotta fuck you, darlin’. Need you so bad, I want you so much.”

You don’t even look back, you just pull your panties aside, and lower yourself onto him, trusting that he’ll lead himself to the right hole. You’re clinging to his neck as you sink down, moaning his name over and over as he stretches you out. “You’re so tight, baby. Holy shit.” You clench down on him, and pull out of his neck, pressing a sloppy kiss against his mouth. 

He’s thrusting into you slowly, hands gripping your hips to keep your rhythm steady. You’re letting out beautiful moans and little mumbles into his lips, not having the restraint to pull away for even one second. Joel slides his hand from your hip, up your back to hold the back of your neck gently, and pulls you away from him. “What is it, honey?” 

He’s breathless as he fucks into you, his dick pulsing already. He grunts and closes his eyes as you moan incoherent words at him. You’re trying to answer him, your brain has completely turned to mush from the way he’s pounding into you. “-eyes are so p-pretty.” 

Joel’s eyes snap open again. “Your lips are so soft and-” You’re still praising him, still rattling off your list of things that you find arousing about him. He doesn’t understand how you even have this much material, how even though you’re too fucked out to grind yourself on his cock properly, but you can still talk all about how much he turns you on, and how beautiful you think he is. He can feel his balls tightening. 

His hand cups your face, sticking his thumb into your mouth as you whine and hump him harder. He’s trying not to focus too much on how warm, and wet your mouth is and slips his thumb out, ignoring the whimper you give. He relishes in the groan that’s pulled from your chest as he puts pressure on your aching, swollen clit. He’s rubbing circles before you can finish your moan of his name, your eyes roll back, and your body tenses. Joel’s in shock at how quickly he’s got you cumming around him. Your pussy spasms and your hips jerk against him with your mouth open in a silent moan. 

Joel keeps his finger running over your clit as he watches you cum, still thrusting into you, chasing that last push he needs to fall over the edge. You give it to him without him having to ask. “Fuck me so perfect, Joey-” You pitch up into a whine and tangle your hands in his hair roughly. “A g-good boy, such a great guy-” You’re cut off as he bucks into you, his hips lifting off the couch completely, almost throwing you off as he groans and fills you to the brim.

He’s resting his head against your shoulder, his arms wrapped around you and holding your body to his as he throbs inside you, spilling all he has into your pulsing hole. He's huffing out groans in time with the ropes his dick is spurting into you, his entire body shaking as pleasure takes him over. You’re encouraging him the whole time, talking him through his orgasm, helping him tame the fire that’s raging through him.

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, here's the rest of my Kinktober Works and be sure to check out my Main Masterlist!!

[ebbaskz]

heaven and back | l.mh + h.js | (a,f)

masterlist

pairing: lee minho x han jisung x reader (y/n)

content: angst, fluff, unrequited feelings, college-aged, mainly just a silly y/n who is going through it rn.

word count: 2.6 k

Thursdays.

If there was one thing you could say about Thursdays, it is that they are the pure feeling of going to hell and back.

Actually, scratch that. You haven't even been able to come back from this hell of a day.

Nothing had helped. Even when buying coffee in the hopes of lifting your spirits, it had been extremely too bitter and ruined the entire drink. The attempt to get a nice walk outside during your lunch break had only left you caught in a rainstorm with no protection from the harsh elements. The walk back to your next classes should have been considered a walk of shame from the stares of your fellow classmates and your pure embarrassment of not checking the weather.

The one bright side of today is that you can now finally go home.

No more dreadful professors giving useless monologues or ignorant students on campus bumping into you when trying to leave class.

Just a nice, calm, soothing night left to enjoy by yourself--

***buzz buzz buzz***

On second thought, you might actually lose your mind before the night is over.

You take out your phone from your back pant pocket as you make your way up the stairs of your dorm building, hoping that whoever texted is either dying or needing immediate assistance (both of which you doubt are true as it could very well just be Felix blowing up your phone for the 6th time this week, asking if you would finally let him teach you how to play League of Legends).

~

ji ji ji ji baby baby : tell me you aren't busy tonight. minho and i ordered too much food to the dorm for the two of us to eat by ourselves... please come over? 🙃

~

Oh, nevermind.

I guess this text isn't as horrible as you thought it would be.

I mean yes, you could very easily just get into bed and sleep off the last torturous 9 hours of your life as you have dreamed of doing all day.

or....

You could definitely take up Jisung's offer of eating some free food while also being able to hang out with the two men who you are absolutely infatuated with.

Yes, it's a bit of strong of a term to use when referring to two men (yuck) but it's just the truth. From the day of college orientation three years ago, when your childhood friend, Hyunjin, introduced a few of his closest friends to you (Minho and Jisung included), you have been a strong group of 9 since.

All of the boys are nice, but Minho and Jisung just happen to be the ones who have kept your attention since the first day of meeting them. From their adorable dynamic to their love for their friends, there is no reason to prevent anyone from falling in love with both of them...

other than the fact that they are already dating eachother.

Logically, it's impractical. You are the third-wheeling, pining over two men who already exclusively pine over eachother. If anything it's so damaging for you to be so close to them while having these feelings, but can anyone really say no to Jisung when he asks so sweetly.

~

y/n : for sure, ji! i can be there in 15 minutes, if thats okay?

~

You scratch your forehead a little while waiting for a response, wondering what you should change into before heading over there. Obviously something comfortable, but also maybe something a little nice so that they could be impressed or-- no.

They are dating. Stop. You are just friends. No romantic opportunities, unless you feel like home-wrecking your two bestfriends (probably not the best option).

~

ji ji ji ji baby baby : yea that works for me and min! just lmk when you are here and i'll come get you from the front of the building.

~

And cue the stomach butterflies.

You know how to get to their dorm from the front of the building, but every time Jisung insists on coming to get you from the front door. It's such a little gesture, but it never fails to get your heart beating and you checks burning.

It takes you a few minutes before you are finally back out of your dorm, taking your time to pick an outfit, fix your hair, and retouch your makeup after the rainstorm that you struggled through earlier.

The walk to their dorm is pretty quick, only 7 minutes on a day with some good pep in your step (aka a day like today where you are practically running to their front door).

~

y/n : I'm here 😗

ji ji ji ji baby baby : omw, y/n! we need to eat before the food cools down too much. minho is getting hangry and I cannot handle him when he is hangry.

~

Jisung is downstairs in less than a minute, making it seem like he's the one who was practically running to see you. Or maybe that's just your mind trying to give in to your delusions...

"Y/N!" Jisung screams a little while picking you up into a hug, "I need us to get back upstairs quickly before Minho decides that he is tired of waiting for us."

You giggle a little at that statement, knowing that Minho would never start to eat without Jisung. He would not be able to handle the pout that would show on Jisung's face if he found out.

Thats when your heart pangs for the first time tonight, already feeling hopelessly doomed to be the third wheel before even seeing Minho.

This was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~

Dinner is going by smoothly. The lo mein and miso soup that had been ordered by Jisung and Minho was a little odd considering you are the only one of the trio who eats lo mein, but you pushed that thought aside. The food was delicious nonetheless.

The pangs kept happening though.

When Jisung would stare at Minho with such adoration that you felt like a spectator on the sidelines of a romance show, rooting for the main characters to be together while simultaneously wishing that you were them. When Minho would get up from his seat to get something from the kitchen, having to pass by Jisung and giving him a loving pat on the head every time, causing Jisung to smile and spread a blush across his puffy cheeks.

It was getting to the point of pain where you had just needed to step out of dinner into the bathroom just to take a breather, convincing yourself that you can get over this and be able to just be best friends, nothing more.

breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, ou-

"Y/n? Are you okay?"

It was Minho.

You hadn't really felt like you had been in the bathroom for too long to be concerning but a glance at your phone screen surprises you when you see that you had been standing there for over 15 minutes just trying to ground yourself.

A look up in the mirror is also a sudden surprise, seeing tears running down your face, leaving your makeup disheveled and streaking down your cheeks. When had you started crying? Probably sometime in between thinking about your horrid day to thinking about your pitiful love for two men who don't feel the same.

"Yeah-" sniffles "I'm all good Minho. Just-" sigh "Just give me a second and I'll be out..."

Just stop, y/n. You are not making this day better.

And then the door open a smidge. I guess you forgot to lock it.

Even though the door is barely open, it's still enough for Minho and Jisung to see your reflection in the adjacent mirror with the mascara tears running down your face.

The door is no longer open a smidge, being forcefully shoved open by Jisung as he pushes past Minho to get to you, engulfing you in a hug that only fuels the tears.

"Y/n... What's wrong? Please talk to us. Well, cry it all out first then talk to us". Jisung says while speaking into the side of your head, making you chuckle through the tears at his attempt to humor you in your times of turmoil. You wish you had a Jisung like this all of the time.

"You do have me, Y/n? What do you mean? I'm right here, so is Min."

Yikes. Nothing is going your way tonight. First, they see you sobbing. Next, you say your thoughts outloud.

This instantly humbles you and brings you back to where you are, immediately attempting to apologize for whatever you just muttered out of your mouth, "Ji- I mean- I know I have you, but like- I just- I wish I also had someone like you, you know. Like you and Minho". This was clearly such poor phrasing as you watch Jisung pull away to fully face you and give a little look of shock with confusion written across his features.

"What do you mean- Like me and Jisung? You want a boyfriend, y/n? Is that what this is about?" Minho announces this from behind Jisung, making you unable to see the slight look of hurt that flashes on his face.

You look up from where you had been looking at your feet, trading your eyes between looking at both Minho and Jisung. Your brain is being wrestled right now while trying to find the words to explain how you don't want just any boyfriend but the two boyfriends who were standing in front of you.

"Not that, exactly..." You finally manage to mutter out after bullying your mind to produce any answer to stop the two from looking at you with such concern and hurt for you. "I just can't explain my problems to you two..." You look away from the two boys, not being able to watch them as you try not to break down further.

"Y/n if this is something serious, you can talk to us..." MInho pipes up, Jisung grabbing your hand for reassurance, causing you to turn your head back toward them.

Your logical side seems to be taking over for the first time, in a long time, telling you to do what you know needs to be done for your own sake.

"I think I should take a break from seeing you guys..." You finally said it. The words you knew needed to come out eventually to allow yourself time to heal and get over this silly infatuation.

But, the look that you then saw on their faces might have just killed you right then and there. You don't think you have ever seen them both be so in sync with their expressions, synchronizing their faces of hurt and sadness in a way you didn't know you could hurt so much from.

"You.. What? Why?" Jisung asks, his voice cracking a little and letting go of your hand to step back towards Minho, allowing Minho to leave a comforting hand on Jisung's shoulder.

If you wanted to run away ever in your life or sink into a black hole, it would be now. The embarrassment of this whole situation and your reasoning behind why you need to do this just simply cannot be explained to them without ruining everything.

"Did we do something?" Minho asks with no faults in his voice, but a single look you take towards him shows that he really is trying to maintain his composure.

If there's anytime to say anything. It'd be now. Your relationship is already changed. There's no going back.

"It's not you guys. It's me," You say while looking at both of them, powering through what you are about to say even with seeing their heartbroken faces, "I just cannot do this anymore. Being around you two all of the time is so painful because you guys are just so happy and in love, and I would do anything to be like you. Not with other people..." Here it goes. "but with both of you. I cannot handle being around you guys while I am helplessly in love with you both. Just give me some time, and I know I can get over this..."

Well. There it is.

You finally said what has been torturing you for years, laying it all out on a platter for Minho and Jisung to observe and pick apart.

But thats not the reaction you get from them when you check back in to register their facial expressions. It's bizarre. Minho looks almost relieved while Jisung looks.... happy? Where you missing something? Was this what they wanted to happen?

Before your thoughts can go any further, you are tossed into a hug between both Jisung and Minho, rocking you back and forth and holding you so tightly.

"Are you serious, Y/n? You actually had me so horrified I thought we were going to lose you" Jisung mutters into your shoulder.

You are still so incredibly confused as you manage to let out a quiet, "...What?..."

You are finally released from the grasp of the two hugging you to be faced toward Jisung, "Me too. I mean- like I am in love with you, too. So is Minho."

This information actually shatters any ability to function that you had left, only being able to repeat the word "Huh?!" while looking at Minho to confirm what Jisung said, to which Minho nods.

"We always have, Y/n. We just didn't really know what to do about this because you never told us anything or made it seem like this was mutual. I thought we would always be stuck as bestfriends." MInho says this so gently to you while reaching up one of his hands to cup the side of your face and caress your cheek so lightly with his thumb. I think this is the first time you have ever recognized Minho looking at you this way. It's the same way you notice him and Jisung look at each other everyday.

"You guys love me?..." You manage to get out while bringing up a hand to hold Minho's hand that is resting on your cheek. This is a surreal moment for you. What you have been fearing as the break in your relationship as a trio may actually be what causes your relationship to grow further, into....???

A nod comes from MInho, "Can I kiss you?" he asks ever so sweetly.

A simple nod is given in return, a silent conversation that you and him exchange in before he initiates the kiss.

It feels like a dream. Finally being able to feel his lips on your own after years of pining. By holding onto the back of his head, you keep him close to make sure that this is real, and he isn't leaving.

That then makes you think about Jisung, who's simply standing to the side, mouth agape and blushing across his entire face at the two people he loves kissing eachother. To Jisung, this is like a dream come true, but he does want some attention from you (casual Jisung behavior).

He tightly grabs ahold of your side, turning you away from Minho and guiding you towards his own lips. The moment you and him meet is as electric as it was with Minho.

The pangs in your heart are no longer from the pain of unrequited love, but now a pleasurable pain of an overwhelming love from those two boys who have captured your heart.

Maybe this day has finally had its come back from being a burning hell, reaching the sweet and blissful heavens that we all dream of.

a/n : ahh my first fic on here. I hope to only improve from here and I apologize for rushing the ending haha. lmk if anyone has any requests or ideas, i'm open to writing anything - eb

[rubyreduji]

a producer's studio — ljh

summary: when you meet jihoon at age 15 he fills your stomach with butterflies. now at age 25 you find that sometimes things never change.

tags: smut (minors dni!), chilhood friends to lovers, fluff, minor angst, producer!au, idol!au warnings: jealous!jihoon, fingering, oral (f. receiving), reader has nipple pericings, soft sex, first times, reader is a virgin wc: 5.4k an: i wanted to post a short jihoon fic because i love him so much but then it turned into having an actual plot whoops (it actually didn't turn out how i wanted it but i wasn't gonna scrap a fic that was already 3k words in so…)

“I’m Lee Jihoon.” The boy in front of you has black hair that falls over his forehead and soft round cheeks. “I’m a new trainee too! Maybe you and I can be friends.” He flashes a smile at you and you feel your face heat up.

You don’t know why you’re even flustered to begin with, it doesn’t happen often, but this boy makes your stomach flutter and your heart clench. Maybe it’s because he’s just like you, or maybe it’s because he’s the first person who seems genuinely interested in becoming your friend. You're not sure, but you are sure that you hope that he's right and you guys can become friends.

After that day you don’t see Jihoon too much, considering he trains with the boys and you train with the girls, but you do see him enough to build the semblance of a friendship between you two. You guys sometimes talk in the evenings after training and you trade stories of your groups.

You’re still quite shy around him, but he doesn’t seem to mind. (Maybe you wouldn’t be so shy if your heartbeat didn’t speed up everytime he looked at you.) You wouldn’t call Jihoon shy, but it’s obvious he’s a little reserved when talking to you, but he seems to be like that around everyone. Maybe he’s just cautious before getting to know someone. You don't mind either, as long as he stays talking to you.

It’s not exactly a crush, but you do have a bit of an interest? fascination? in Jihoon. You like how passionate and hard working he is. You've both taken an interest in the producing aspect of the K-Pop industry and you like to talk about that together. Outside of producing and being trainees you guys share plenty of other interests as well like the shows you watch and the foods you like. You enjoy his friendship and he obviously enjoys being around you as well.

Over the years you guys warm up to each other more and more until Jihoon is one of the people you are closest with. You see him less and less though as his debut date gets closer. He doesn’t seem to have much free time on his hands anymore but it still warms your heart when he's able to slip away to come see you. Jihoon even sends you some of the tracks he’s working on for you to help out with. When you guys are able to talk, your conversations always drift to your careers, dreaming of your futures climbing up the ranks of the K-Pop world.

That was a decade ago. You and Jihoon both are now international K-Pop sensations with stable careers and multiple awards under your belts. It’s not uncommon for you guys to have each other’s names on your tracks due to the amount of collaboration you guys do. Your groups are close and all of your fans love to see the interactions between each other.

You and Jihoon have grown a lot since the first day you met, both growing in your bodies and personalities, and even though you guys have been friends for ten years, it doesn’t stop you from sometimes still slipping into that shy persona you once always held.

Due to the nature of your job you’ve never had a boyfriend or even had sex with anyone. You do occasionally find yourself daydreaming of Jihoon in both situations though. You know it will never happen for a multitude of reasons, and you kind of hate yourself for even thinking about him in that way, but sometimes you can’t help but think about it.

Jihoon has always been there for you since day one. He’s one of your best friends and someone you can always rely on. You’re not sure when your little infatuation with Jihoon turned into a full blown crush but it’s been going on for far too long. It doesn’t help that you and Jihoon are always around each other and that your fans ship you guys an aggressive amount. You two ignore it but sometimes you wish that Jihoon would show some kind of emotion to it, even if it was disgust, just so you can gauge his reaction.

It wasn’t uncommon for your members to tease you guys whenever you would be at the same event or even if they caught you guys together working on a song. You would always blush a bit and tell them to shut up while Jihoon would grumble at them and get defensive, but he did that whenever his friends teased him about anything so it wasn’t enough to know if he was putting up an act or was actually upset about it.

Even if Jihoon liked you back a fraction of the amount you like him, you could never be with him, at least not for a long time. Seventeen just renewed their contract for another seven years and when your contract is up you know that your group will be doing the same. You guys are idols first, this is your whole career. You belong to the people, to the fans, and dating makes things messy and it would be even worse if you guys did date and it didn’t work out. There are too many factors, too many risks.

Nobody actually knows about your crush on Jihoon, though you’re sure everyone has their suspicions. You’re just glad the fans haven’t caught on yet or that would be embarrassing for you, having to see even more edits of you staring lovingly at your friend. The edits and posts you’ve seen so far are already bad enough. The fans have even started speculating that some of your love songs are about Jihoon and they’re not wrong but it’s a fact that you don’t want anybody to know.

“Y/N!”

You look up from your computer and pull the ear cover off of your right ear. Jihoon is standing behind you with a notebook in one hand and a bag in the other. You slide your headphones off your head and down around your neck at the sight of him.

Your guys’ new studios are right next to each other inside of the HYBE building, after you guys got moved out of the Pledis building. You spend equal amounts of time in both of the studios though.

“Hey! Thought you could use a break,” Jihoon tells you as he takes a seat on your couch and opens up the bag to pull out two servings of fried chicken. You put your headphones down on your desk and move your chair over to where he is beforing grabbing your food.

“My trainer is going to kill you,” you tell him but still dig right in.

“Are you still working on that song from yesterday?”

You sigh. You can’t seem to get this one song perfect and you don’t know why. It’s not working out how you want and you and Jihoon messed around with it all day yesterday and it still didn’t sound right. “Yes. I honestly might just set it aside for now. It’s just a solo song so it’s not super pressing, at least not as much as some of the group songs are.”

Jihoon frowns at this. “If that’s what you think, but don’t give up, I know it will come together eventually.”

“Thanks Jihoonie.” You shoot a grin at him.

“Hey since I’m here, want to help me with these lyrics?”

You watch from the side as Jihoon, Seungcheol, and Soonyoung shake their asses. You already know that the move is going to be a fan favorite. You love watching Jihoon dance and you smile as his voice cuts through the rest as he sings his part. When the boys are done filming, Jihoon runs up to you.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were going to be here today.”

“I thought I’d get out of the studio and drop by. I like your pants.” You grin at him and Jihoon chuckles as well at the two pairs of pants that sit around his hips.

“What are you doing after this?” Jihoon asks you. You respond with nothing and Jihoon smiles at you. “Want to get take out and watch a movie with the boys at the dorm?”

When the filming wraps up you join Jihoon and Soonyoung as they pick up food and go back to their dorm. Seungkwan and Jeonghan have already set up most of the things for the movie night and they look thrilled to see the food has arrived.

“Y/N-noona!” Seungkwan runs up to you and throws his arms around you and you hug him back.

“Hey Kwannie!”

“Are you staying for the movie?”

“Yep!”

Seungkwan cheers a bit more and pulls you onto the couch to cuddle. You hear a scoff and look over to see Jihoon rolling his eyes.

“Let her breathe Seungkwan.” He’s setting one of the bags of take out on the counter.

“Don’t worry Jihoon, it’s okay,” you laugh as Seungkwan pouts. You bury yourself deeper into his arms to show that it’s okay.

Soon Jihoon is walking over to you with two plates of food and he sits down on the other side of you before handing you a plate.

“Where’s mine?” Seungkwan asks.

“Get it yourself,” Jihoon grunts and you giggle. Seungkwan whines but still lets go of you to go get his food. You shift over so your arm brushes up against Jihoon’s. You two eat silently as the other three settle down and start the movie.

When you and Jihoon are both finished with your food, Jihoon takes your plates to the seat before taking his spot next to you again, this time pulling you into his arms. You know Jihoon isn’t big on skinship but he never seems to hesitate to touch you. You hope he can’t feel your heart beating out of your chest as he wraps his arms around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder. If you guys were any closer you’d be sitting on Jihoon’s lap.

“Why do I never get to cuddle Y/N?” Soonyoung’s voice interrupts the movie as he stares up at you and Jihoon on the couch from where he’s sitting on the floor. “A little selfish of you Jihoonie.”

“Shut up.” You can’t see him but you know if you were looking at Jihoon he would be rolling his eyes. “Get your own friend.”

“Y/N is my friend! I want my Y/N time!” Before anyone can stop him Soonyoung is standing up and wedging himself in between you and Seungkwan on the couch so he can be pressed into your other side. You laugh as he does but Jihoon is huffing at his actions and Seungkwan is yelling and hitting at Soonyoung. Jeonghan snickers as the three boys start to fight even more. While they’re distracted you pull yourself away from Jihoon and move over to Jeonghan who happily wraps you up in his arms.

“How long do you think it will take them to notice?” Jeonghan whispers.

“At least three more minutes.”

Your guess is right and it isn’t until Seungkwan and Soonyoung are full on wrestling while Jihoon yells at them do any of them notice.

“Y/N! You traitor, how dare you go over to the devil!” Soonyoung says, fake scandalized.

“Hey! I’m an angel,” Jeonghan says and you giggle even more.

“You guys ruin everything,” Jihoon mutters. You pull yourself from Jeonghan to walk up to Jihoon and pull him into a hug.

“Don’t pout Ji it’s okay!” Jihoon seems to melt into your arms and he smirks smugly at the other members.

“See, fighting is useless when she likes me best.” Jihoon then sits down, pulling you onto his lap as he does. You squeal a bit before you fully settle. The other boys seem to pout a bit but don’t say anything more as you continue on with the movie.

“Can you go higher on that part? Come, come into my world,” you sing the last word higher. Vernon nods and tries again.

“That sounds great, thanks Vernon,” Jihoon tells him.

Just then Seokmin walks into the studio. His eyes light up at the sight of you and he pulls you into a hug. “Y/N! I didn’t know you were going to be here today. Aren’t you guys rehearsing today?”

“Ah, I thought I’d drop by to help with the recording. The Hip Hop Unit is doing dance practice but that doesn’t entail me, and I’m not far if they do need me.”

You love helping Seventeen record. You love your girls as well, of course, but the group of rowdy boys always brings up your mood. There are just so many of them and they’re all so talented. It's never boring being around them.

When recording wraps up you and Jihoon go back to his studio so he can piece together the whole song. Even though your guys’ studios are nearly identical, you love being in Jihoon’s more. Maybe it’s because there’s always a handful of boys hanging around or because his couches are a bit more broken in than yours. Not to mention he always had better food than you in his studio because the boys constantly bring their own snacks in. Deep down you know it’s because you love being able to watch Jihoon work, his face concentrated as he plays with the pitch of the song, but you won't admit that outloud.

“Jihoon-hyung!” The studio door is opening and Mingyu bounds in. All previous thoughts are forgotten though when his eyes land on you. “Y/N!” He moves over to the couch and wraps you up in his arms. He practically smothers you as his large body lays on top of you on the couch. You giggle though and wrap your arms around him as his large head buries itself into your neck. His body rests in between your legs and he hums contently at the warmth of your body.

“What do you want, Mingyu?” Jihoon’s annoyed voice interrupts the sweet moment between you and the large puppy boy. 

“Oh right! Uh…”

A sigh from Jihoon. “Did you forget?”

“...Yes,” Mingyu admits shyly. “I’m sorry! Y/N is just so comfy and it distracted me,” he whines and hugs you tighter.

“If you don’t have a reason to be here then, get out.” Jihoon’s voice is demanding. “I need to work on this song and you’re distracting.”

“But Y/N can be in here!”

“Since when are you Y/N? Exactly.” Jihoon’s glare burns into Mingyu which has the younger boy quickly pulling away from you and scuttling out the door. You miss the weight of his body on top of yours and frown towards Jihoon.

“You didn’t have to kick him out like that, or at least you could have done it in another way.”

“He was being a nuisance. I need to focus on this song.”

You sit up at this. You don’t know what has the boy in a bad mood and you hope you don’t make it worse. “Do you uh, do you want me to leave as well?”

“No,” Jihoon answers firmly. “It’s…different for you. You’re a producer as well, you understand and you aren’t annoying. I like you here. This is our space, you know.”

You know he most likely means ‘our’ in a loose way, saying that generally about studio spaces belonging to producers, but it doesn’t stop your heart from fluttering when you hear him say it. Our space. A place for just you and Jihoon.

Idol and Producer Woozi from K-Pop Group Seventeen Seen On Date with Mystery Girl

You stare down at the headline. You were casually scrolling on Twitter, waiting for Jihoon to get back to his studio, when it came up. There were pictures attached and sure enough there was Jihoon, with a woman. You recognize her, not enough to know her name, but enough to know her face. You’ve seen her around K-Pop events, you think she’s some kind of manager or coordinator. In the photo the two are sitting in a cafe while Jihoon holds her hand on the table. He’s in ‘disguise’ but you can still tell it’s him through his mask and hat. In another photo it shows him leaning in, whispering in her ear. The final photo shows them standing, most likely saying goodbye, the two in an embrace.

A pain clenches at your heart and you don’t even realize you’re not breathing until you let out a small sob. Tears are quickly welling up in your eyes and you want them to stop so badly, but they don’t and they start to pour down your cheeks. They collect on your chin before falling down onto your phone screen. You shut the screen off so you don’t have to look at the photos anymore and you drop your phone to the floor as you yourself drop onto the couch. You dig the heels of your hands into your eyes as your shoulders shake with tears.

It’s stupid, crying over someone you’re not even dating, but you still do it. You didn’t even know Jihoon was looking into dating.

You’re startled out of your crying when the door to Jihoon’s studio slams open and Jihoon himself is standing there, a bit out of breath.

“It’s false!” He tells you before he walks up to you and sinks onto the ground. He grabs at your hands and clasps them tightly. “I promise I wasn’t- it’s not- we weren’t on a date! Those photos they, th-they make it look bad. It was a business meeting, of sorts. I wouldn’t, I’m not, it’s all…no, it’s just all no.” He’s babbling and you’ve never seen him so uncomposed but his eyes are wild yet sincere as he talks to you. “D-don’t cry, okay? I wouldn’t do that to you.” He reaches up and wipes at your tears. His hands cup your face and the warmth of his touch starts to calm you down. It seems that the touch also helps Jihoon himself calm down.

You two sit there in silence, both of your chests heaving as you try to catch your breaths. Slowly you slide off the couch and onto the floor yourself. You lean forward into Jihoon and he takes you in his arms as you bury your face into his neck, breathing in his scent. This seems to help ground you even more as you take a shaky breath.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” your voice is soft and a bit hoarse. “It’s just…stupid rumors. I’m just being dumb.”

“You’re not dumb,” Jihoon tells you, his firm in the way it always is when you talk bad about yourself. “It’s okay to cry. Are you okay now?”

You pull away from his embrace to look him in his eyes. They’re filled with worry and before you even know it you’re spilling your guts out to him. “No, I’m not okay, because I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen and I think about you all the time, everyday, and every song I write is about you, and I can’t imagine you being with anybody else, and it broke my heart to even hear rumors about it because a part of me has been hoping and praying and wishing that you want me back and-”

Before you can end your rambling Jihoon is grabbing your face again, only this time it’s to pull you into a kiss. Your lips smash together and you instantly sink into the kiss. Your fingers find purchase on Jihoon’s shirt as you grip him tightly. Then, too soon for your liking, Jihoon is pulling away.

“I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. The guys won't stop making fun of me for it but I can’t help it. I want you all of the time, and nobody else. It kills me when the guys have their hands all over your and flirt with you. I never want to see you cry again because it breaks my heart and I hate when you call yourself dumb because you are the smartest, most beautiful, talented person I know.”

You want to cry again. Not because you’re sad, but because Lee Jihoon loves you back. You can’t find your words. You’re too overwhelmed. You feel so relieved and loved and happy and you want to tell Jihoon all of this but you can’t so instead you just pull him back into another kiss. This time it’s a bit needier as you try to take in all of Jihoon before you’re deprived of him again. He cradles your head in his hands and kisses you back with just as much want.

Your lips move against each other’s as you pull Jihoon into you by his neck. Your kissing is frantic and your teeth clash together as you desperately try to taste each other. Jihoon is then pulling away again so he can whisper to you, “I need you.” His voice is breathy and filled with lust. “I’ve needed you for so long now.”

“Please,” you whimper as his fingers start to trail up your shirt.

“Wanna show you how much I love you.” Jihoon’s mouth is kissing at your neck, his words muffled by your skin. His fingers are squeezing at you over your bra and you careen into his touch. “My pretty, pretty girl.”

Your fingers shake as they grip onto Jihoon, desperate to ground yourself to something. His hands are warm and skilled as they run across your skin. Want for Jihoon pumps through your blood as you push your body more into his. He grabs you and yanks you onto his lap as his lips find yours again. You kiss him passionately, his plump lips sliding against yours. The feeling of his warm tongue slipping into your mouth has you moaning and you feel your panties dampen.

Without breaking the kiss Jihoon picks you up and places you on the couch. Jihoon has barely sat down next to you before you’re reaching down to palm at him. The feeling of his hard-on is foreign but not unpleasant. You rub at him through his pants and his hips buck up to meet your hand. You squeeze lightly and can fully feel just how large Jihoon is under his sweatpants. Under your hand you can feel his dick twitch a bit and it has the man next to you whining.

“Shit, baby, don’t do that. Gonna make me cum in my pants,” Jihoon mumbles. “Lemme take care of you first at least.” He reaches down and removes your hand gently, placing it on his thick chest. His hand then moves to your hip, his palm and fingers digging into your hip.

Just from his touch alone you’re all worked up. Pleasure sparks through you as his lips suck gently on the skin behind your ear. His free hand moves up your thigh. The warmth from his palm trails up your leg and you unconsciously close your legs, but Jihoon gently nudges them back open. His fingers flit across your waistband before they plunge down the front of your pants and into your panties.

His touch burns your skin and you scream out before quickly biting down on your lip as the tips of his fingers connect to the bundle of nerves between your legs. He quietly shushes you as he starts to rub soft, slow circles into the bud. You whine and bury your face in his neck as he continues to work at your clit. He holds the back of your head with his hand to comfort you but doesn’t let up his ministrations.

“So pretty like this, all shy and needy for me. You’re getting so wet for me baby.” His fingers move further into your panties as he slips on into you. You clench down around the digit and grind against his hand which has Jihoon chuckling.

He pumps the finger in and out of you as you try your best not to come undone too quickly. He slowly inserts a second finger into you and you already feel so full, you’re not sure how you’re going to take him. His other hand comes down to paw at your pants and you help him yank them down your legs so he can have full access to you. You lay back and spread your legs a bit more so he can get a full view of your dripping cunt.

He groans at the sight of it and has to will himself not to bust right there. He starts to pick up speed in his thrusting, your arousal spreading all over his hand. His fingers are skilled from playing instruments and he easily curls his fingers into you, projecting pleasure throughout your whole body. You whimper as he slides a third finger into you. It’s a tight fit and you can feel the way he stretches you out on his fingers. He tells you how good you’re doing before leaning down to suck at your plush, smooth thighs.

The pleasure gets to be too much for you as you start to shake. Your pussy is fluttering as you clench down on Jihoon’s fingers, signaling to him that you’re close. He starts to pick up speed, thrusting in and out of you at a quick and steady pace. You’re a moaning mess as he does and it doesn’t take long for you to cum all over his fingers. Your eyes squeeze shut as you mewl out. Jihoon removes his fingers from you and you’re about to whine at the loss of the stimulation but you don’t even get the chance before Jihoon is leaning down and licking at your slit. He cleans you up with his tongue, sucking at your clit as you ride out your high.

When he pulls back his face is sticky with your arousal but he has a small smile on his face. “Taste so good, just like I knew you would.”

“Need you so bad Hoonie,” you whine and open your legs a big more. Jihoon’s dick stirs at the sight of your slick cunt, waiting for him to fill you up.

“Of course baby, I’m gonna show you all my love.” He’s pulling his shirt over his head and pulling down his own sweats. He gets up to grab a condom and you decide to strip yourself of your shirt and bra.

When Jihoon walks back over to his couch he stops in his tracks at the sight of your bare chest. He nearly creams his boxers right there when his eyes land on the small metal barbells that sit adorning your perky pink nipples.

“Shit baby, when did you get these?” Jihoon sits down on the edge of the couch and reaches down to pinch one of the piercings between his fingers. “Didn’t feel them earlier over your bra. God that’s so sexy.” You cant up into his touch, moaning as he teases your nipples.

You’ve actually had your piercings for a while. You were twenty when you got them and it was on a stupid dare that you and your members had made. The only people who know about them are your members and your stylist who is sworn to secrecy.

“God I need you so bad,” Jihoon tells you. His voice is low and dripping with lust. You can see how badly his cock is straining through his boxers, begging for release. You reach forward and gently reach into his boxers before pulling his dick free.

When his member pops free from its restraint you gasp a bit. It seems even bigger now that you can see it. You’ve never seen a dick in real life before but the sight of Jihoon’s makes your mouth water. You pump at it a bit but Jihoon is pulling your hand away before you can really get going.

“Don’t wanna cum too soon,” he explains as he pulls his boxers all the way down. He tears the condom open and rolls it down his throbbing dick. He crawls over your body, taking your mouth against his once more. You love the taste of Jihoon, all sweet from the Coca-Cola he guzzles down on the regular.

You can feel him rubbing up against your slit and you pull away from him, gasping a bit. “Jihoon, I’ve never uh…I’m a virgin.”

“I’ll take good care of you okay? But only if you want me to.” His voice is kind and caring as he caresses your cheek. “It’s all up to you baby.”

“N-no, I want you! I’m just afraid you won’t fit,” you admit in a shy voice.

When you look at Jihoon, his face is a tomato. “O-oh.”

Jihoon has hooked up with people before, nothing serious, but it’s happened. You on the other hand haven’t. Maybe it’s because your virtue is seen as more valuable than his, or maybe it’s because you’ve never wanted any guy other than Jihoon. You’re not sure, but know you’re a bit nervous as you’re just so inexperienced.

“Just uh, go slow okay?”

Jihoon gulps thickly and nods. He reaches down and lines himself up to your entrance before he slowly pushes his hips towards yours. The stretch of his dick is even tighter than his fingers and you can’t help but whimper as he fills you up.

Once he’s fully in you he waits as you adjust to his thick girth. You already feel overwhelmed just by him putting it in you. When it finally starts to feel less uncomfortable and more pleasurable you signal for him to start moving.

At a gentle pace Jihoon starts to slide out of you before he thrusts his hips back into yours. You moan at the feeling of his cock dragging against your walls. You grab at his broad shoulders and dig your nails into his skin. Jihoon groans at the feeling and he buries his face in your neck. The intimate action makes your stomach flutter and you feel giddy knowing that your long-time crush loves you back, and right now he’s showing you just how much he loves you.

His lips press soft kisses into your bare skin. The feeling of his plush lips against your warm skin sends shudders through your whole body as your pleasure starts to spike higher and higher as his hips rut deeper into you. His pace has quickened but he still keeps his soft demeanor. You let out a slew of mantras as you start to feel the tension in your body build up to an overwhelming amount.

Jihoon senses your impending orgasm and starts to suck at the sweet spot on your neck a bit harder as his hips start to snap into yours more deftly. With a final moan you’re releasing all of your pleasure, your orgasm washing over you for a second time today. Your body shakes as you grip onto Jihoon tightly, pulling his body into yours as you mewled. Jihoon’s hips stutter inside of you as he finds his own release.

When you finally calm down you slowly release your grip from Jihoon and let your body melt into the couch cushions. You stare up at Jihoon with droopy eyes and give him a soft, fucked out smile. You grab at his face and pull him down to kiss you and he complies. This kiss is softer than any of the others, and just from the soft touch of his lips you feel completely loved.

After a couple moments you pull back and Jihoon is pushing your hair out of your face. “I love you so much. Never think anything else.”

You only nod, your eyes starting to flutter shut. Jihoon is then pulling out of you and removing the condom before tying it off and throwing it away. You’re in and out of sleep as Jihoon cleans you up and gives you one of his sweatshirts and a bottle of water. After he’s finished he gathers you into his arms, whispering sweet nothings to you, as you drift off to sleep in his arms. You can worry about everything else later, right now you just want to feel safe in the arms of the man you love, in the studio you love so much.

[cheynovak]

Forbidden Hearts 

Soldier Boy x F/Reader (Y/N)  

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Alcohol, Family trauma, abuse,  

Side note: English isn’t my first language.   

Words: 6500 

*Does not follow The Boys storyline!* 

--------------------------------- 

Y/N and Ben (Soldier boy) both grew up in South Philly. Ben’s father took an interest in Y/N’s mother a few years after her father died. By the time they made their relationship public both you and Ben were young teens. As young kids you two saw each other as siblings but the more time they spend time together, the more Ben noticed his feelings weren’t normal sibling love. But what happens when Y/N reaches the age where her mother wants to find a good husband for her only daughter. 

--------------------------------- 

“Really mom? Again?” Young Y/N wined, “I don’t like Benjamin, can’t I go play outside?” Your mother sighs. “Y/N first off, Benjamin and his father are our guests, we welcome them like a proper host. And secondly a young respectable woman like yourself doesn’t run around or play in the streets.”  

Your mom was firm. “Now get upstairs and put on the pink dress Sheila picked out for you. Sheila was your servant, a beautiful young girl, barley even a woman, but she was the only real friend Y/N had. Sheila and her mother have been in this house as long as you can remember.  

But when your dad died, the money influx stopped, and your mom had to let go of a servant. Sheila was cheaper and so she could stay but work a few more hours. She was always nice to Y/N, she even made an outfit with pants so you could go play outside, and mother would never notice the mutt or grass stains on her good dresses.  

By the time Benjamin and his father arrived you and your mother waited in the grand hall to greet her guests. This wasn’t the first time you saw Ben, two years ago she met him on one of his father’s parties, remembering him as a little annoying snob, a bully. She didn’t know her mother had been writing and receiving letters from his father over the past year.  

The boy you met then had changed into a young man, Benjamin was a little over a year older than you, he turned 15 last week and starting to grow into his body, made him look like a handsome young man, but in Y/N’s eyes he was just an annoying teenager.  

You really didn’t want him here and the look on Ben’s face was exactly the same as yours, bored. His father gave him an elbow to his shoulder, urging him to greet you properly.  

Benjamin’s dad made his visits weekly, which means you had to endure the young boy in your house, while listening to boring talk from the adults. Every few minutes your mother would correct your posture. God you hated that. One time she made a comment that made Ben laugh, you hated that even more. 

“Ma-am? Pardon me, but it’s nice weather outside, perhaps miss Y/N could show the young Benjamin the garden?” Sheila interfered. Trying to safe both of you being bored this entire afternoon. “I like that idea.” his dad answered, making it impossible for you mother to decline. Sheila winked at you.  

You showed Ben the large garden and the treehouse your father made for you right before he died. The second he left his father the young boy changed. The stiffness in his shoulders disappeared, he even started to talk to her. Pretty soon they found out they had a lot more in common.  

Both lost the parent that cared the most for them. She found out Ben was in boarding school and that he only came home on the weekends. Which were now occupied with weekly visits to you and your mother.  

Luckily the treehouse became a safe place for the youngster to hang out or hide out from their parents. His father was considered a well-respected man by society, so he showed his interested in your mother by doing what a man should, courting her, for months. Until the public eye would have forgotten both were once married and have grieved long enough.  

“Does you mom always make you wear those ruffled dresses?” He asked while lying on the ground in the treehouse next to you, shoulder to shoulder looking at the sky via the opening in the ceiling. Watching the clouds drift by.  

“Uhu, A like a proper lady should.” She mocked her mother. Ben let out a sharp breath “You, a proper lady, not in a million years.” - “What do you mean?” She looked shocked. “You want to be a free little birdy. Go where the wind takes you.” You look at him not knowing where that came from. 

He lifted your skirt right above your knee. Which made you flinch and push his hand away. “Your knees are covered in bruises.” he added seeing your discomfort. “I’m sure a proper lady doesn’t go out and play rougher games outside.”  

“Well, I think that is a ridicules rule.” Y/N blushed “Amen.” He preached while winking. Y/N really liked it when he did that, such a small gesture but it gave you a warm feeling. 

 “Aren’t you bored being he every weekend?” You asked while placing your back against the wooden floor again. “Nah, this is better than being home with my old man. He doesn’t know yet, but the school is going to call him.” - “Again? That’s twice over this year I known you.” you looked at him. “Why this time?”  

“Some punk hit me. I hit back.” He answered like it was the most normal thing to do. “And why did he hit you?” Ben smirked before he turned his face to you. “I may or may not have kissed his girlfriend.” - “BENJAMIN!” that reaction made him laugh, crossing his arms over his stomach.  

“You don’t do that!” you said like you were his mother, completely in shock. “Oh come on Y/N, this is a safe place, right? What good is our friendship if I can’t tell you things like that.” You felt your cheeks heat up. “Friendship?” she asked shy.  

“Yeah, I mean, you’re nothing like al the girly girls I know. I like hanging around you, you have a ‘no drama vibe’. Doesn’t that make us friends, Birdy?” - “I guess so, you’re not as horrible to hang out with like I thought.”  

“Oh, wow thanks! Most girl even like to hang out with me.” he bumped her shoulder. “Till they get to know you.” She joked. “Wow, jeez thanks!” You bumped his shoulder back. “Being friends means tough love.” 

“Benjamin! We’re leaving!” you hear his father yell. “That time again.” He said lifting on to his elbow towards you. He looked through the cut-out window “I’m coming father!” he responded. “Well, see you next weekend, Birdy.” He said looking down at her, almost hovering over her.  

Y/N’s heart dropped, she looked into his green eyes. He’s never been this close to your face.  “Eh yeah, next weekend.” you said almost in a whisper. Ben jumped over you to crawl out of the treehouse. You still lay down on the ground, feeling the heat in her cheeks rise. Taking a deep breath before walking out after him.  

During diner your mother started yet another awkward situation, “Y/N darling, what do you and Benjamin do all afternoon in that child house?” She didn’t lift her eyes of her plate and neither did you. “Treehouse mother, and we talk.” She raised her eyebrow, you noticed. “About school, our grades, hobbies, you know, stuff” she continued. “Hm... stuff.”  

She thought for a second, “You know that young Benjamin is turning into a man.” Y/N looked up from her plate. “And a young man creates certain... desires around this age.” Oh no, not this talk you thought, while feeling your cheeks blush again.  

“And you being younger and a woman, may not feel the same desires as him, as you shouldn’t. So, it’s important you don’t give him the wrong impression.” Her eyes looked at yours. “I’m trying to say, you should know that a woman needs to be pure when she marries a man.” 

“Mom! Please stop! Ben never... I never. It’s nothing like that, he never tried anything, he is my friend!” Y/N took a deep breath, calming her nerves. “We’re just friends. You can stop this...talk.” She nodded slow, “I just noticed the time you two spend together.”  

You look back at your plate. “Well, I though, it would please you knowing I’m trying to be friends with the son of the man that’s courting you for over a year now. I mean, I believe we might see each other more often.” She smiled her well practise fake smile. 

-- 

September 1936 

Not only Ben’s birthday month but also the day your mother and his father came out as an item and engaged. And to celebrate they want to throw a party on Saturday the 20th... The day after Ben’s birthday, the day he could celebrate his 17th birthday with his family.  

You watched your mother clinging on to your stepfather to be. Flashing her ring to every woman she sees. It made your stomach turn. In the corner of your eye you see Ben, with the same disgusted look on his face. Poor Ben, he turned 17 yesterday and how did his father welcomed him home that day? By telling he is engaged. 

You saw him taking a little silver bottle out of his pocket and pouring the liquid in his orange juice. Your feet automatically walked towards him. “This was supposed to be your day.” You whisper in his ear before giving him a small welcome hug. You could see his beard coming through. Seeing his freckles, his skin, his lips moved slightly into a smile when your greeted him.  

You don’t know when he started to change, but over the last year, Ben’s slim childish figure had morphed into a man, he looked similar to his old man, clearly inherited his broad shoulders, full beard and hair colour, but Ben grew slightly taller this last year.  

Although he looked a lot like his father, his eyes were his mother’s, the hard green eyes may fool someone who doesn’t know him. Making him looking firm and tough, but if you looked closer you could see the softness and caring behind them.  

He was no longer a young boy, no, Ben looked like a man. And yes, I will admit it to myself, but never to him, he looks really good. “Quite the party.” He sighs before looking you up and down. “Did your mother chose this dress?” Y/n’s eyes grew big “No I did, why?” you ask looking at your body wondering if you made the wrong choice.  

“I thought so, you clearly have a better taste.” He winked at her. “Well, I hope I’ll have better taste in men as well.” You let those words slip without thinking, your eyes look in an instant at Ben. “I’m so sorr..”  Without any emotion he interferes your apology. “Yeah, hope so too.”  

Poor Ben, you heard his stories over the last two years about his dad, at first thinking he couldn’t be that bad. But when you saw him one weekend with multiple bruises on his back, you had no choice but to believe him. Normally he would just break Ben down mentally but sometime when he got drunk or really angry, his belt came off.  

“Ben?” - “Hm?” - ”With all this going on, I didn't have the chance yet to give you your birthday present.” His eyes grew wide looking down at you. “Follow me?” you said with a mischievous smile. 

 Ben looked around while you grabbed his hand and ran to the backyard. Noticing your mother seeing the two of you sneak out. Without thinking you climbed up to the treehouse. Ben followed right behind you, looking once over to the party, seeing your mother staring at him though the window.

He grinned before climbing up.  

She really hated the fact that her perfect daughter was so close to him, he had been thrown out of school, again. She really hoped his influence wouldn't affect her little girl. Or worse.  

“I’m really getting too big for this.” he said while climbing through the hole in the floor. Y/N chuckled soft “Need a hand?” - “yeah!” you pulled him up, accidently pulling him closer than needed. Your laugh softly faded away when roaming his face that towered over you.  

The treehouse was dark part from the soft lighting coming from the main house through the cracks. The yellow light fell perfectly on his golden skin. His eyes even warmer than before. Thank the heavens he couldn’t see the heat on your face.    

“What was it you wanted to show me?” His voice sounded deep, still holding her hands in his. “Show yo... Oh yeah, right.” you chuckle again, only this time it sounded more nervous. Ben regretted the second you let go of his hands, taking all the warmth with you. “Happy Birthday, I hope you like it.”  

Ben opened the packaging, his eyes blinked fast. “I notice you read the same Agatha Christie story over and over so I figured you might like a new one. So, you know, you can at least change once in a while.”  

Ben didn’t answer, he just stared at the book in his hands. Which made you nervous and started to talk. “I hope you don’t have this one yet? The lady at the bookstore told me it was the new one, or you know at least from last year. But it is supposed to be really good.”  

Before you could say more, he pulled you into a hug. Leaving you frozen, Ben never hugged, he tapped your shoulder or knee, gave an elbow, shoulder or wink. But a hug, never. “You really know me.” He said trying to sound neutral while he felt emotional.  

The last person who gave him a book, the book he kept reading was his mother, she loved the Poirot thrillers. Sharing it with her son. And she was the only person who ever really understood him, knew him. Y/N unknowingly reminded him of his mom. “I’m glad you like it.” you whisper against his shoulder. “I love it, it’s perfect.”  

He slowly let’s go of you, but his eyes were still lingering on your face, like he was looking for something. Ben slowly moved down, kissing your cheek. You closed your eyes, while taking a deep breath, clenching your fingers around his arm. You had no idea if it was his amazing smell or the kiss, but something made you lightheaded.  

His lips felt soft and lingered just a little too long on your skin. “Thank you.” he said again. “Ben...” he looked at you. What are you going to say Y/N, you thought to yourself. You’re welcome? Don't stop? Kiss me? You managed to snap out of it. “Maybe we should get back.”  

You could see the sadness, disappointment in his eyes. “I think you right.” He said while letting go. “Ladies first.” he pointed his hands to the opening in the floor. The two of you walked back in silence. Hands every so often brush against each other.  

-- 

Almost a year had been passed, and the parents decided to move in together, since his father had a nicer house, read: a house that had been taken care of over the years, your mother decided to move to his place. Much against the disliking of Y/N. She had to leave the house her father bought.  

Ben had been thrown out of school again, making it hard on his father to find another school that wanted to take him. “I really don’t know what to do with you son.” he had said. “You’re so far behind no other school wants to take you on.”  

“Perhaps sir, I can lend him my books after school, so that he doesn’t get behind on school knowledge and he can join next semester?” Both men looked at you with big eyes. “I wouldn’t mind tutoring him. Keeps me busy with my schoolwork as well.” You turn to your mother.  

“What do you think love?” Oh god, you hated it he called you mother that. “As long as your schoolwork gets done properly, I don’t mind.” Y/N smiled softly at Ben who shook his head softly displeased.  

“Right, that’s settled.” You mother added, “Oh and Y/N darling. Don’t forget to go to the debutant practise? It’s only in a couple of months darling. If we want to find a proper suiter, we need to get you ready. You're 16. The time is right.” You answered with a smile that looked like you had a toothache. “Of course, mother.”  

Ben saw the tears in your eyes well up. You never thought that after your father died, she wanted to continue the tradition. Besides it was the father’s job to walk his daughter down the stairs, to present his daughter. 

You hear a soft knock on the door. “Mind if I come in?” Ben asked leaning in the door. 

“If it makes you feel better, I have to go too.” He sat down next to you on your bed. “Well, ... you’ll have 20 women on each hand, trying to get your attention. I’m the weird freak who does nothing but study.” He placed himself on his back, his hand under his head. “I’m sure there are plenty suiters.”  

Y/N fell back next to him, turning your head to him. Making it touch his elbow. “And what if no one ask me to dance?” His broad smile appeared “Then I’ll find you.”- “You?” - “Yeah” - “That will be the talk of the town.” you giggled making Ben smile genuine.  

-- 

Months gone by, the night of the debutant ball came closer. Your mother made sure it would be a night to remember, Ben’s father had agreed to walk you and he arranged that, Jonathan the son of a colleague would take over the first dance.  

You both practised together, he seemed nice and interested. On the last rehearsal he saw you and Ben talk. “Hitting on my girl Benny boy?” -” Just a friendly conversation, johnny boy” he mocked his voice.  

“Listen buddy, you might want to hit on everything with a skirt on, but this one is mine.” Y/n looked shocked. “Excuse me?” - “Y/N isn’t yours pal, you might want to take it down a notch.” - “Or what?” he took a step forward. “Forgot how I rearranged your face last year buddy? Don’t mind doing it again.” Ben stood toe to toe with Jonathan.  

“Ben, Jonathan, stop it!” Both guys looked at you, standing almost in between them. “Act like gentlemen please!” To your surprise Ben listened, “But don’t worry Johnny, I'm not going after your girl. Stacy is my date. He waved at the hot girl a crossed the room. Who had no idea how to act.  

“Who is Stacy?” you asked Jonathan after Ben left. “I used to date her, but Ben who said to be my friend kissed her. I hit him, he hit me. You know.” - “That was you?!” Jonathan looked not understanding her. “Ben told me a long time ago.”  

The more you spent time with Jonathan the more you could see why he was a nice decent guy. You even started to hope he would like you enough to get to know you better.  

--  

The night of the debutant ball  

Y/N was extremely nervous that morning, while she promised Ben to help him pack his things she had to rush to prepare her own bag. Making the mistake of taking the wrong bag to the fitting room. Each girl had their own small space to prepare. It was more like a shower curtain box than a room, but it would work.  

Y/N noticed she had taken Ben’s bag with her instead of her make-up and hair supplies. Shit! She thought to herself. Y/N popped her head out of the curtain when she heard Ben’s voice. “Ben, Ben, Ben! Over here!” She yelled.  

He left the group of guys behind and ran over to you. “What’s up? Need a hand with the zipper?” he joked. “No...” She thought for a second, “Actually yes that too, but you have my bag.” You pointed to the bag in hand before disappearing back behind the curtain.  

Ben followed behind it making sure it was closed. You checked the bag making sure your make up was inside. “Thank god.” Y/N sighs. Ben noticed she was still in her silk robe. “Need me to come back for the dress?” -  ”Just, turn around for a minute.”  

As he did, he noticed his cheeks getting warmer. While his mind zoomed out to the idea that she was probably completely naked behind him. Only a few inches away, if he took a step back his back would touch hers.  

“Ok you can turn.” He moved her hair aside to close all the buttons on her back. Starting at her lower back up to her shoulders. His hands shook which made it difficult to close them. When she turned back around, he couldn’t contain gaze.  

Ben saw this beautiful white ball gown, her waist snatched in all the right places, her cleavage slightly shown, just enough for a young man to dream how she would look without the dress on. He had seen her change into a young woman over the year, this was one of the few times he actually looked at her.  

“What do you think?” you asked nervous. “Eh, you look... nice.” He forced a smile. Feeling an idiot. His answer made you unsure of the choice of dress. “I look ridiculous, don’t I?”  He saw the nerves in your eyes. “What? No, no! I’m just not used to you in this... I meant wow, beautiful.” He smiled sincere blushing.  

“I-I I got to go.” Ben said while rushing out behind the curtain. Y/N followed him and held him back by his arm. You kissed his cheek. “Thanks, good luck.” - “You too.” He smiled, when he turned, he saw Jonathan who looked displeased at what he had witnessed. Making Ben grin even more.  

As he wanted to pass him by, he bumped his shoulder to him. “What were you doing in her room?” Jonathan hissed. ”None of your business Johnny boy.” Ben almost sang.  

The moment was there, Ben’s dad held your hand that was lying on top of his. “Ready?” he asked. “As I’ll ever be.” Y/N breathed out. The moment the young girls were introduced on the top of the stairs they could look into to crowed. But most of all they would see their partners lined up down the stairs.  

You immediately notice Jonathan wasn’t in his place. Making you search nervously into the crowed. Ben noticed you were stressed, as he was standing almost last in line. He knew how heartbroken you would have been if his dad had to leave you with all the girl who couldn’t find a partner.  

So, he did what he had promised, making sure you would have a dance. He moved up front right before his dad and you took the last step.  

You had seen him rush to the front seeing him for the first time in a black tuxedo complete with a bowtie and his hair combed back. Compared to the other boys he really could pull this look off. “What are you doing Benjamin?” His father asked, but he didn’t answer, he just smiled at you. “Thank you.” you mouthed, looking grateful. 

Unfortunately, this meant that Stacy had no partner to welcome her down the stairs, which made Ben look extremely bad with the other parents. Making him once again a bad match for the most eligible families.  

The opening dance began, “You do know you blew your changes this year, again.” You said while Ben placed his hand under your shoulders, guiding you over the dance floor. “What do you mean?” - “Every parent knew the couples. You leave the most popular, most desired girl standing alone.”  

“Most desired family to marry into maybe.” He looked over to the ‘loner’ table. “I couldn’t have you sitting there, this dress needs to be seen tonight. You need to be seen.” - “What a compliment, charmer.” you blushed “Did it work?” He asked with a flirty tone, just a little too close to your face. 

Ben couldn’t stop looking at her, he had seen her dress and what it did for her body but know she had done her hair and make-up she was truly transformed into a beautiful young woman. Her lips had a soft reddish look, not tacky like some other girls here, no, a deeper colour than what she already naturally had.  

It reminded him of the colour she had on a winter’s day, when they took a walk in the park. He remembered that day because he couldn’t stop looking at her lips when she kept talking about some school project. He wanted to shut her up by pushing his lips on to hers.  

Her eyes shined under the lights of the room. Again, just using whatever she had and enhanced her natural beauty. Ben couldn’t stop staring, wondering why he never noticed. Or did he?  

The music faded out. The couples were now free to choose another partner in case they wanted to meet someone else. Ben held her hand, fiddling on her glove. “Do you want me to...” He nodded to the girls sitting on the side of the dance floor.  

“May I be selfish and have one more dance?” You asked shy. Not ready to leave his strong arms already. Really liking how easy being with him felt. Besides that, Ben was a really good dancer, compared to what you had seen in practise, he never stood on your toes once. 

After a moment of silence Ben spoke. “Do you like one of these guys?” Your head tilted. “I mean, do you see one of these men being your... husband, one day?” His question took you by surprise. “Eh, not that I know, why?”  

He grinned “Want to get out of here?” You were shocked “Ben we can’t!” - “Oh come on, this is all one big charade. Tell me honestly you like this and we’ll stay.” You try to protest. “You’ve been dancing with me for the past 5 songs. I’m bored, you’re bored. Let’s go.”  

Although Y/N was always the playing by the rules kind of girl she did follow him. He whistled for a taxi, driving you to your old house. “What are we doing here?” You whispered while Ben opened the gate to the garden.  

Your old house had stood empty for a long time, only being sold just last week. “Remember this?” He asked when he stopped in front of the treehouse. “Ladies first.” He held out his hand, helping you up the steps. Leaving your high heels, coat and gloves on the grass.  

You heard a scratching sound, noticing your dress ripped under your arm, all the way down to your hip. Ben struggled to get through the hole in the floor, once he got up the stairs, he saw you looking at the broken dress. “Ha, couldn’t wait for me to get up here to undress did ya.” He joked.  

“This isn’t funny Ben! Do you have any idea how expensive it was? Mom is going to kill me!” He shook his head while turning you to him so he could take a look. He noticed you weren’t wearing anything underneath the corset looking top, showing a lot of skin. “Here.” He took of his jacket throwing it over your shoulders, covering you.  

Ben took the old blanket they hide up there and placed it on the wooden floor underneath the opening in the ceiling. He sat down, tapping the place next to him before he laid back. One arm under his head while his other rested on his stomach.  

Y/N crawled next to him. “I missed this.” you sigh content. Ben looked over to you, watching you looking at the stars above them. “Yeah, me too.” After a long comfortable silence, you turn to him.  

“Ben? Can I ask you something?” - “Sure, anything.” - “Do you feel ready for all of this... courting, dating, marriage... You know life.” He thought about that for a second. “Maybe if I find the right one. But no girl out there at that stupid ball is going to change anything.”  

“How about you, you honestly think one of those guys is going to make you happy?” - “I don’t know... maybe.” - ”Really?!” He lifted himself a little, to take a better look at you. “I mean if someone would give me a chance.” shocked of his reaction.  

“You do realise it is them that should be glad to even get a chance with you right? Not the other way around.” You didn’t understand what he meant. “Those losers don’t deserve you Y/N. All they want is a-a housewife, someone who has no life of her own. Just serving her husband.” - “I know.”  

“Oh come on birdy, that’s not you!  I knew from the second we spoke you were a free spirit, I won’t let any man bind you to a golden cage.” - “That is not up to you Ben! What if I want it like that! Normal.” - “You don’t.” - “How do you know!”  

Ben sat back up facing you, your voices a little louder than whispering, hearing the frustrations growing. “Because I know you. This is your mother talking!” - “Yeah, well,... maybe she is right.” - “Bullshit!” - “Benjamin!” - “No of real Y/N, stop thinking about her, what do you want!”  

Y/N lifted herself on to her elbows looking at him.  

“I want someone to love, someone who likes me. And if that means I need to change, I will.” Ben thought about that for a second. “And what if you don’t have to change?”  

She wanted to protest but he held his hand up. He swiftly looked at her before he looked at his knees, his fingers fiddled with the laces of his shoes.  

“What if, you find someone who thinks you’re an incredible, powerful, beautiful, smart woman. Who deserves the world.” Your heart bounced in your chest, unable to talk or think all you could do was look into Ben’s eyes. Wondering what he meant. “What?” you barely answered.  

Ben’s hand moved to the back of your neck, before you could realise what he did you felt his lips on yours. Hearing your own heartbeat in your ears. Not knowing how to react. It wasn’t until he pulled back you realised you didn’t close your eyes, neither did you kiss him back.  

Your fingers move to your lips, like you could retrace his kiss. You stare in his eyes, seeing the heat he carried with him. His face was still close to yours, his green eyes kept looking back at your open lips. Looking for an answer from you.  

Ben let out a deep breath when your fingers found their way to the back of his head, you wanted to feel him again, his lips felt softer than you thought, never did you dream that your first kiss would be with him, but something felt just right.  

Before realising you laid back against the floor, with Ben hovering over your body. The kiss slowly deepened, the noises, breaths that came out of him made your blood boil. You knew he had more ‘experience’ all though you never talked about it into every detail.  

But for some reason your body knew how to react to his touch, one knee moved, so his body pulled in closer, feeling the warmth of him radiate on your skin. 

When Ben’s lips moved to your neck, you arch your back. His hand moved over your ribs, feeling his fingertips slipping under his jacket that you still wore. Touching the skin that was shown through the rip in your dress.  

Even that soft touch made you moan under your breath. Pulling him closer to you, your hands roamed over his broad shoulders, wanting, no needing to feel his body closer to you. His lips moved back to your lips, his tongue asking for permission to find yours.   

Ben’s hand moved slowly down, caressing over your thigh to your knee, pulling the dress up so his hand disappeared underneath. Kneading your thigh just above the knee before moving up to your hip, kneading again.  

But just when you realised this might be the moment, Ben pulled his hand back and placed his forehead against yours. Humming a deep breath. “What’s wrong?” Please don’t say you regret this. “Why are you... stopping?”  

Ben opened his eyes, smiling. “You have no idea how long I wanted to do this.” he kissed your head. “Then why stop?” You asked biting your lip, feeling a little bold. “Everything has it’s time, Birdy.” Knowing he meant he knew you were inexperienced. ” I’m ready.” you mumbled against his lips before luring him down into another breath-taking kiss.  

“Let’s just... enjoy this for a second ok.” you nodded in response. “I want your first time to be special, perfect.” he looked around “not in a treehouse on a wooden floor.” your hand moved through his hair before cubbing his cheek. He took your hand and kissed your wrist a couple of times before taking his place next to you again.  

Pulling you into a hug, your head against his shirt.  

-- 

Both you and Ben woke up by the sound of voices. Both of you had moved during the night. Ben still held you in his arms only his face snuggled against your neck. One arm under your head and neck holding his other hand that hung over your side, connecting in front of your breast.  

“Ah mister Benjamin, good morning boy. I see you have company.” Both of you looked at the hole in the floor. Seeing a police officer’s head pop up. “Please come down here, now.” He said firm. While you both climbed down you hear him talk to the new owners of the house.  

“Just two teenagers ma-am, nothing to worry about, we’ll make sure they get home and have the proper punishment.” While you both sat in the police car on your way home, the policeman turned to Ben.  

“You’re lucky the young lady is with you boy, next time I catch you breaking in somewhere I'm locking you up. Seeing how proud daddy is of you he wouldn’t mind.” He turned to his colleague in the car. “I lost count how many times I had to bring this juvenile home. "  

-- 

Once home your parents took you to separate rooms. Ben’s father lost his temper again. “Are you out of your mind boy! Do you realise what you did to her?  The consequences? I had to move heaven and earth to convince Jonathan’s father to take her to that dance!  

“Then where was he? He would have made her look like a fool.” - “No boy! YOU DID! You’re family!” “Like hell we are!” Ben’s father lifted his hand, making Ben quiet, knowing he might get a beating. “And like that wasn’t bad enough, you ran off and take advantage of her.” he continued.  

Ben’s eyes widened, “I-I didn’t!’ His father hands pinched his cheeks, “So you’re a faggot know?” making him turn his face toward the mirror, seeing a soft lipstick stain on his lips. “Is that it, Benjamin? You like to dress up as a woman?”  

If looks could kill.  

“Let’s not start on the fact that her dress is ripped apart, like a goddamn animal touched her! I knew I had to keep an eye on you, but you, you are a disgrace to this family! You not only ruined your chance at finding a proper wife, you ruined hers on finding a man!”  

“Stop pretending you care about her, or me!” He matched his tone, "Don’t talk to me like that boy! You are a shame to this family, to our name!” 

-- 

You are a shame to this family, to our name! you heard his father yell.  while your mother played the ‘I was so worried’ card. You sat silent in front of the mirror, while she let your hair down and brushed it. “Y/N, you need to tell us what he did.”  

You didn’t answer, “Even if it makes you uncomfortable, we need to know, so we know how to punish Ben for doing so.” You didn’t answer, you just looked down at your hands. “Don’t worry honey, his father will find a way to get rid of him” 

This made you look at her in the mirror. “I swear mother, he didn’t do anything.” -”Oh honey, you said that before, and I trusted you, but I clearly can’t trust you or that boy anymore!” 

“No, I swear! He just saved me from the ball!” - “I’m sure that is what he wanted to make you believe. He saved you. Like he had saved countless, other, young woman in this town.” Her hands landed on your shoulder.  

“He is a Casanova darling, we had complaints over the last few years of parents whose girls were tricked by him. Madly in love but he let them down. Just like he is playing you now.” 

“No.” Your voice sounded weak, teary. “He is nothing like that mother, not to me.” You could see the pity in her eyes. “That boy turned for the worse I knew he liked girls, but i never thought him taking it this far."

"When his mother died, I had hoped to pick up her role but it’s clearly impossible.”  

“He won’t change. And I won’t let him change you, you are a perfect daughter. And you will marry into a perfect family. I’ll make sure of it!” 

-- 

That night was the last night both you and Ben had with the family. Your mother had demanded that you would join boarding school instead of Ben, to prepare you for the life to come. Asking the principal, you could stay over on the weekends and vacations.   

A class no matter how old you were, you had to take the course for 4 years. To rehabilitate.  Ben had to work with the lower working class. Earning his father’s thrust back. Knowing very well he would never redeem Ben.  

-- 

End of part one. In the next part Ben and Y/N meet again, her coming home was not how he expected.  

Let me know what you think <3  

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[melodygatesauthor]

Chapter 15: Forgiveness and Understanding

prof!Steven Grant-Jake Lockley-Marc Spector X f!Reader

Edited by: @whatthefishh

Mood Boards - Book Cover - Masterlist

Chapter Summary

After all parties take some time to breathe, you realize that you can't say goodbye so easily.

Tags/Summary (these are for the ENTIRE fic):

college AU, no powers/not in MCU/no Khonshu (as a deity), talk of mental illness, Marc has DID, forbidden relationship, age gap, reader is 21y/o, Boys are 38y/o, reader attends college in America but isn't necessarily American, smut, sex, masturbation, p in v, creampies galore, reader is on birth control, dubious consent due to identity issues, ANGST, romance, fluff and smut, oral sex, falling in love, reader is not race coded, minor mentions of alcohol addiction and depression.

Word Count: 2.9k

----

It was nearly a week and a half before you spoke to them again. 

When you weren’t brushing off your ever inquiring roommate and begging your professors to postpone your midterms, you were crying…again. You didn’t want to be such a mess over him, you’d always been a fairly confident and independent woman, but you felt so betrayed you couldn’t help it. Of course the guy you lost your virginity to was a nutjob. Of course that would be just your luck.

Who were you kidding? Luck had nothing to do with it. You were stupid. Completely moronic. You never should’ve pursued that relationship in the first place. This was just as much your fault as it was his. Whatever game he was playing, if it really was a game, you’d fallen for it, and fallen hard.

Your stubbornness only got you so far though, before you were dragging yourself to your laptop for answers. A little voice in the back of your head was telling you to at least look into it. You didn’t have to forgive him, but you had to know if he was telling the truth. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that he’d been lying to you all that time, and it certainly didn’t change the fact that he slept with you and then tried to dump you like you didn’t matter.

But you definitely mattered to at least one of them…

You mattered to Jake Lockley, who stood outside the bar where he’d saved you, leaning against his car smoking a cigarette. He was going to go inside, but he wanted to wait a while, knowing without a doubt that Marc would take over once he got in there, but Jake had to come back to the first place he’d truly met you. He missed you, and that shitty bar made him smile when he saw it.

They’d all been co-fronting since they’d decided to tell you about their condition. The only reason Marc and Jake had taken a backseat in the first place was to give Steven the perfect life, but it would seem that was impossible for them now.

“How long are you two going to be sulking for anyway? This is for the best, her being out of our life,” Marc said, looking back at Jake in the reflection of the side-view mirror.

“I’m not sulking pendejo,” Jake replied, taking another drag off his cigarette, “just wondering when you’re gonna admit that you miss her too.”

“I hardly know her, and I’m not like you guys, I have morals,” Marc looked away when Jake faced the mirror in disbelief, “alright maybe I’m not moral but, I’m not attracted to someone half my age who’s my student,” he scoffed, “and I’m not going to sleep with her and pretend to be someone else!”

“Yeah…you’re right about that. I guess for once Steven gets to be the bad guy.”

“Hey!” Steven shouted, his reflection visible in the window, “m’not a bad man just because…well…”

Jake smirked, “yeah…we all kinda suck,” he said, dropping his cigarette on the ground and putting it out under his shoe.

“She didn’t have to be such a little bitch about it though,” Marc said, which resulted in both Jake and Steven yelling over each other in your defense.

Jake stopped when he saw a couple walking by, staring at him with confusion and horror in their eyes. Yelling at his reflection in public probably wasn’t the best idea. After telling them to fuck off, he slipped into his car angrily and sped off in a huff.

“She just overreacted,” Jake said after a few moments of silence, “I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”

“Then she shouldn’t have said it,” Marc said coldly.

“She’s y–” Jake cleared his throat, “she’s uneducated.”

“No, no…what you were gonna say is right, she’s young, and she doesn’t know anything. Maybe that’s why both of you had no business with her in the first place, hm?”

“You know what really pisses me off Marc? That after all the shit we pulled back in Egypt, you’re suddenly acting like you’re señor perfecto. This twenty-one year old girl says something she shouldn’t say, and you’re gonna really look yourself in the eye right now and tell me that you’ve never said anything you regretted?”

He looked in his rearview mirror for a moment, waiting to see if Marc had anything to say, but Marc looked away.

“Thought so.”

Jake didn’t even know where he was going, he was just driving, trying to keep himself from losing his cool even more. He shifted gears, driving faster down a winding road. He could hear Steven muttering in the back of his mind, always hating when Jake took his frustration out behind the wheel.

“We never even had the chance to tell her about Egypt,” Marc said, seemingly unfazed by Jake’s reckless driving.

“It’s probably better that way,” Jake said, pulling into an abandoned parking lot and sighing heavily.

“Can we not sit in this parkin’ lot?” Steven asked several beats of silence.

Jake looked in the mirror, “what’s wrong with this parking lot?” He chuckled as he remembered, “oh…si, you two had fun here didn’t you?”

“Yeah we did…right after the best date of my life.”

It was silent again. That hit home for all of them. Not one of the three had been in any sort of meaningful relationship, not until Steven had been with you. Even Marc let it fester for a while, the thought of having someone that looked at him the way you looked at Jake and Steven. He wondered what that felt like.

----

By the time you decided to talk to them again, you’d reflected heavily on the entire situation. It wasn’t easy, weighing the scales, looking at the wrongdoings of both sides versus what you’d all done right. Relationships were complicated, and this one wouldn’t be any different, but one thing was for certain; you weren’t ready to let Steven out of your life, and you were willing to do what it took to get through this.

So you considered all the factors, one of the most prevalent being that people make mistakes. Neither of you had planned to run into each other at that coffee shop before knowing you were his student and he your professor. Neither of you had planned to flirt and find comfort in each other’s company. Neither of you thought that it would get this messy.

Steven, being the much older one of the two of you, never should’ve let it continue, but you were also an adult capable of making your own choices. He should’ve been honest with you about Marc and Jake from the start, but when you thought about that more, he was probably afraid of your reaction. And of course, you reacted exactly the way he’d feared.

Jake slept with you without your consent.

Another major factor to consider. You felt dirty when you thought about it, but the more you considered it, you wondered if it actually upset you that much. He owed you an apology, that much was for certain, but when you thought about the fact that he helped you get through such a hardship - losing Steven -, and the fact that he’d saved your life, - dealing with that guy at the bar -, you realized that he must’ve cared for you too. None of that excused his actions, but you might be willing to forgive him with an acceptable enough apology.

It was time to talk to them again. You were ready to apologize for calling them crazy, or a ‘nut job’ as you’d so insensitively put it. You texted them, hoping that you hadn’t upset them to a point of no return.

You: Hi guys

You stared at your phone, waiting with bated breath to see if they’d even respond. When your phone went off right away you nearly collapsed on your dorm room floor. Despite the name popping up as Steven, you knew immediately that it was Jake texting you.

Steven: Hola corazón.

That was a good start, he couldn’t be that mad if he was using pet names, right? That meant at least one of them was open to talking.

You: I think we should talk, can we meet somewhere?

----

You met at the park, a few miles away from school so you didn’t run the risk of any other students or faculty seeing you together. Even in his flat cap, white button-down, tie, and black coat, he still looked enough like Steven that it would look suspicious to anyone who knew he was your professor.

You sat next to him on the bench, and he looked over at you with a sly smirk. The differences between them were so obvious now that you knew the truth. The casual way Jake sat with his arms across the back of the bench, and his legs spread out like he owned the place was in stark contrast with Steven. He would’ve been sitting with his hands in his lap, fidgeting with his too-long sleeves and avoiding your gaze. Jake looked right at you, eyes boring into yours like he knew your very thoughts.

He let out a heavy sigh, “perdóname…for everything, bebita,” he said in his soft, sultry voice. 

His eyes were pleading, begging you for forgiveness, but you didn’t know if you could give in so easily. You stared at him until an awkward amount of time passed. You didn’t know what to say, and he was still just watching you…waiting.

Finally you took a deep breath, “how could you do that to me? How could you…sleep with me like that, knowing I thought you were someone else?”

He let out an exhale as though he were surprised you didn’t fold for him immediately. You suspected that Jake wasn’t used to rejection. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket. You snatched them from his grasp and glared at him.

“No,” you said firmly, “you’re not doing that anymore.”

“That’s not really up to you beb–”

“It sure is. I said no.”

“Yikes, you’re really gonna let her talk to you like that?” Marc said with a chuckle, “regretting meeting up with her yet?”

“Just wait until you figure out Marc’s vice,” Jake tsked, smiling a little too wide for Marc’s liking.

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole you know that?”

“Fine,” Jake said, giving you a smile laced in frustration and ignoring Marc, “I wish I could give you a good answer sweetheart, but when I saw the way you looked at me when you thought I was Steven…” his aggravated smile turned into one of affection, “no one’s ever looked at me like that before.”

“Like…like what?” You felt the heat rising to your cheeks.

“Like they were in love with me, like nothing else mattered except me. Made me sick to my stomach and like I could jump out of my skin all at once,” he sighed and chuckled, “never felt such a rush and then you kissed me and…”

He reached out and took your hand. Jake thought for sure you might pull away from him, but you didn’t. Instead you stared down at the moons embroidered on the knuckles of his gloves and rubbed them under your thumb. When you looked back up at him, your eyes were wet, tears threatening to spill over your cheeks. You gulped, clearly attempting to hold your sobs at bay.

“I always knew something was off, about the entire way he was…well…you were acting.” You damned the tear that fell down your face, “but I wanted so badly to believe that what Steven and I had wasn’t over that I ignored it all.” You looked down again at your connected hands.

“I know, and I shouldn’t have pulled you along like that, it was wrong and I don’t deserve your forgiveness but–”

“You don’t…but I forgive you anyway.”

When you looked up at him this time, his face looked pleasant, calm, less pained than when you’d arrived. He reached up his other hand and cupped your cheek, brushing along your skin with his thumb.

Jake’s heart skipped several beats when he looked at you now. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get the opportunity to truly love you properly. He thought the two of you would sneak around in the shadows for a while and then it would all fizzle out like some bad romance novel with a shitty ending. But there you were, looking him in the eyes just like you had before. He wanted to lean in and kiss you, maybe even take you right there on the bench despite the woman playing with her dog on one side of the park and the family playing on the other, but he restrained himself.

You supposed it was your turn now to apologize. You scooted closer to Jake on the bench, your knee touching his as you did. You felt the anxiety pooling in your chest. It was just a simple apology, but you were struggling to find the words. You wondered if Steven and Marc would hear the apology, or if you’d have to tell them each individually. Regardless, you would do it. You’d apologize a hundred times if you had to.

“I’m sorry too. What I said when Marc told me about your disorder,” you sighed heavily, “it wasn’t right.” You shook your head, feeling disappointed in yourself for the way you handled the situation. “You don't have to accept my apology but–”

Jake leaned forward, moving his hand from your cheek to the back of your head and pulling you in, slotting his lips over yours. You could feel it now, the differences in the way they kissed; in the way they felt. A passionate breath left your lips as a deep moan left his, and when he broke off the embrace, you wanted to go back for more, but you resisted.

“Wow,” you said, breathing as if you’d just run a marathon.

You both sat there, just looking at each other and trying like hell not to continue. Jake stopped touching you altogether to curb the temptation, and he slid over on the bench, knowing that being out in public together was still a bad idea, even if it was a distance from your school. Not to mention the screaming Brit in his head who didn’t seem too keen on sharing you with the other two just yet.

“Can I talk to Marc?” You asked softly, a major contrast to the sound of Steven losing his cool in Jake’s mind.

“No,” Marc said bluntly.

Jake sniffed out a laugh, “Marc’s pretty pissed off, maybe not the best idea to talk to him right now sweetheart.”

You scowled, “I just want to apologize! What is his problem?”

“Apology heard,” Marc said from the headspace, “but I don’t have to accept this shit, if you two wanna keep fucking around with this stupid…girl…then I’m through trying to stop you, but I don’t have to partake in her bullshit.”

“Settle down hermano,” Jake said out loud, noticing immediately the quizzical expression on your face. Jake sighed, “He’s not interested right now corazón, but if you wait until he’s got a couple shots down the hatch, you might get a better response.”

Jake was surprised that Marc didn’t have a retort for him. You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, feeling a pit in your stomach. What if Marc never forgave you? Would that be the end of this whole thing? Was he always going to be there, constantly putting a wedge between you and Steven and Jake?

Oh hell…Steven…

It had been so long since you and Steven had been together. It felt like there was a hole in your heart. You thought back to the early days of your relationship, a relationship that really wasn’t all that long when you thought about it. It didn’t matter though, you knew how it felt. You missed him more than you could stand to put into words.

Plus there were still so many questions.

What if he didn’t want to share you with the other two? How would that work? What if the other two each got girlfriends of their own? Well, Jake clearly was too interested in you to do that, but what about Marc? He couldn’t be expected to just sit in their head and watch the other two be happy, right? He deserved to be happy too. But the first thing you had to do, before you could figure any of that out, was talk to Steven.

“I miss Steven,” you said quietly, looking up at Jake again.

He sighed, “I know bebita, I know.”

“I want to talk to her, but I’d rather do it at our flat. Wanna do an apology my way y’know?”

“Si,” he said to Steven, “come to the apartment tonight at seven, you can see him then.”

With that, you nodded, both of you bidding the other farewell with a hug, and for the first time in weeks, you felt whole again.

----

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[ejoygvf]

A Bad Day

I don’t really see Josh as much of a hardcore dominant, so this was very different to write but something I needed to get off my chest!

Your day was going from bad to worse. Luckily your wonderful boyfriend was happy enough to be able to change that for you and turn a bad day into a great one.

Content Warnings: 🔞 EXPLICIT Sexual Content!!! Fingering, oral M/F, unprotected sexual intercourse (don’t be silly, wrap your willy) , spanking, whipping, spitting, daddy kink, extreme degradation, mild bdsm, control, bit of fluff and I THINK that’s it. Straight up porn basically.

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Female Reader

Word Count: 5.6k

———————————————

Your day had been an absolute shit show. The stress that had amounted up throughout the day and you had just about reached breaking point. It had been one thing after another. You dropped your favourite mug in the morning and it had smashed into irreparable pieces, you missed your first train on the way to work and your second was delayed, a dickhead truck driver decided to drive into a puddle and soak you with muddy rain water as you walked along the pavement, you left your work pass at home and were stuck outside in the pouring rain for 15 minutes before security eventually buzzed you in. Yeah, THAT much of a shit show day.

Finally, you were on your way back home from work. It had dragged on for what felt like 15 hours, rather than 8. The train journey home was a lot smoother, thank fucking god. It was actually quite quiet too, which was a relief. You put your headphones in and turned the volume all the way up before slumping your head back into the train seat and taking the deepest sigh, humanly possible trying to figure out how to de-stress after todays events. There was just one thing. One singular thing that could help vanish this shitty day away. Whipping your phone out of your pocket you sped text your boyfriend, Josh.

You: Hey baby, I know you’ll still be at the studio when I get back but hopefully not for much longer, right? I need my daddy and I need level 10, please? Love you

Josh: Angel! Will be finishing up the vocals now and headed home after, so see you soon. Jesus fuck babe, level 10? Been a while, must have had a shit day? Daddy’s got you. Love you too, forever

You: Perfect, see you soon.

You and Josh had been together coming up four years, you were absolute best friends and knew each other inside out. Everyone knew that you two came as a package deal. He was a ray of sunshine, the most energetic human with the widest smile, always had optimism up his sleeve and on top of all that he was fucking gorgeous. The most beautiful dimples, a set of perfectly straight, white teeth with a tiny gap in his front two, caramel coloured eyes and curly brown hair, falling around his face.

Greta Van Fleet had blown up so quickly, it had been a bit of a whirlwind the last few years. They had millions of fans across the globe, people screaming their names at concerts, thousands of comments of admiration on their instagrams. But even with the weight of all of that, your relationship never once faltered. In fact, if anything, it just strengthened. You were so proud of the boys and were lucky enough to get to go on tour with them, so you and Josh didn’t have to be apart for long stints at a time. You had a lovely apartment together in Nashville and work were really understanding when you went on tour with him, letting you work remotely.

Your sex life was a whole different story. Everyone always knew you both as the most loved up, affectionate and gentle couple. Always calling each other pet names, touching in any capacity you could, two peas in a pod. Your sex life was incredible and very different to what people assumed it would be. You’d had a system that you’d built over the last couple of years, using the first two years of your relationship to explore each others bodies, likes, dislikes, turn ons, turn offs and kinks. Your system was simple and discreet enough for the two of you. 1 being loving, gentle, slow and romantic. 10 was hard, rough, bdsm, painful, dom/sub sex. You had normally stuck between 3-6 week to week, rarely ever using 10 but tonight you needed it. Josh knew of your Daddy issues and was completely okay with this name being used on certain occasions.

Finally after what felt like forever, you got through your front door, throwing your bag and coat on the floor beside you before throwing yourself on the plush, burgundy sofa. Your apartment always smelt like incense and was full of plants, colourful art work, Moroccan style rugs and sun catchers. You stared up at the ceiling taking deep breathes and decided to doze off for a bit before Josh got home. Before you knew it, you’d fallen into a light sleep.

You must have not been sleeping long before you felt a finger gently dragging along the bridge of your nose. “Hey baby, wakey wakey. I’ve missed you, it’s been an entire 10 hours since I last saw you.” You heard Josh giggle as he whispered to you. You knew the corners of your lips began to turn upwards but kept your eyes closed. Pretending to keep up the sleep facade, you ignored him, seeing how long it would take for him to crack. “Baaaaabyyyyy!! I’m here, wake up now!” The volume of his voice was definitely louder now and he had began raking his fingers through your hair. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from laughing. You heard him let out a sigh of defeat. He knew you were faking it so decided to play you at your own game. “Well, I guess I’ll just go and make myself cum because my little whore is clearly too tired from her day.” He went to stand and you grabbed his wrist before he could walk away, pulling him on top of you.

He chuckled as he fell against you, laying on top of your torso with hands either side of your face. He lifted one of them, stroking your bottom lip with his index finger. “Ahh, did someone’s dreams become a nightmare?” He said through a mischievous grin. “Absolutely Joshy, I dreamt that my boyfriend wasn’t going to be throat fucking me any more.” You gave an over dramatic pout and puppy dog eyes. “Oh no, we wouldn’t want that. Because I definitely will be throat fucking you. Got to make Daddy happy, don’t we?” Before you could say anything else he firmly grasped his hand round your jaw, pushing your lips together. The pain from the inside of your cheeks pushing against your teeth sent a quiver through your body. “Now, from this moment on, you’ll listen to what I say, you’ll obey the rules I lay and you’re going to be a good whore for Daddy, aren’t you?” You nodded eagerly, eyes starting to water. “Good, now taste me.” He spat straight into your mouth before leaning forward to lick across your lips, all while his hand hadn’t moved from squashing them together. “Swallow me down, whore.” You did exactly as he asked.

Within seconds you were on your hands and knees with one of his hands wrapped around your hair, being used like a dog lead. “Follow me, slut.” He pulled you along by your hair towards the bedroom and you crawled on all fours behind him. Your stomach flipping at the thought of what was to come. Your shit day was already starting to wash away, you just wanted to be dominated, whilst simultaneously having the best orgasms you could get and hoping the rest of the world would disappear.

You eventually crawled your way into the bedroom, Josh being almost silent the entire walk there, only a small smirk across his face. “Up, now.” He pulled you up by your hair and he tightened it into his fist, causing your neck to snap back so you were looking up at him. “Go and stand against the wardrobe. Back against it, hands by your sides, palms faced flat against the doors. Don’t fucking move. You got it?” Curious as to what was in store you nodded “Yes.”

A soft slap across your cheek took the breath out of your lungs. “Yes what?”

He asked, holding onto your wrist. “Yes Daddy, I’ll do what you say.” His face lit up “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? You filthy whore.” He placed a gentle kiss to your rising red cheek and pushed you in the direction of the wardrobe.

Back against it, like he asked, hands flat and pressed against the door, facing the bed. He was right in your eye line. Breath, shaky with the anticipation of what he had in mind. He sat at the edge of the bed, lent back on his hands, legs spaced widely apart. He had the look of sex in his eyes. He started reaching to the hem of his white jumper, pulling it over his head and winking at you as he threw it across the floor. Next, he kicked off his shoes, took off his socks, all whilst keeping eye contact.

You were practically writhing, stood in your place at the sight of his naked torso, you wanted him so bad. The heat between your legs had been building up long before this started and you could feel your wetness pooling. “So far, so good. You’re doing well for me. Aren’t you, you worthless slut?” The degrading names caused your clit to throb “Yes I am Daddy. Just for you, all for you.” He nodded, hands starting to slide to the growing bulge in his jeans, using his palm to rub over it. “Ahhh fuck…” his eyes rolled back and his head flopped backwards to reveal his delicious looking neck to you. You watched him lick his lips before he unbuckled his belt and placed it on the bed next to him, you knew it was going to be used later.

“You’re gonna watch me, baby. Watch me make myself feel good. You can’t do anything about it but watch.” Your stomach dropped. Oh fuck, how are you about to control yourself? How are you going to manage to stay still through this, you were already dripping at the show he was putting on. His hands were working fast to unbutton his jeans, you hear the zipper and watched him shimmy the denim and boxers off. The hardness of his cock making a slapping sound as it hit the bottom of his stomach. The smirk on his face is so fucking smug and you hate how much you love it. You’re clenching your legs together at the current sight, Josh sat fully naked on the edge of your bed with fuck me eyes.

“You like what you see, don’t you? You’ve seen this cock so many times before baby and you’re amazed every time. It’s yours, all yours. You want it bad, huh?” You stare, almost in a daze and nod your head, licking your lips. His hand makes his way down to the base and starts moving slowly up and down his length, thumbing up to the tip, collecting the drops of pre cum before smoothing them over himself. You can see it practically twitching in his hands. You’re digging your nails into the wood behind you to stop yourself from lunging forward.

“Oooooh shit, this feels so fucking good baby. You have no idea. You like how Daddy’s cock looks in his hand? Mmmm, I could cum just like this.” He licked him lips, staring straight into your eyes with whimpers escaping him and a heavy breath. You were throbbing at the sight. “Come here, baby.” He moaned out. Finally, you thought. You’re going to get to touch him. You started to walk over before his hand came up to halt you. “Uh uh, on your hands and knees, slut. Crawl to me.”

You did just that, no questions asked.

You made your way toward him before kneeling in front of him, face inches away from his cock, you could smell him and see every pulse and vein as his hand slowly worked over it. A light slap across your face snapped you out of your trance and his hand snaked it’s way around your throat with a firm grip. “You’re staring too hard you dirty whore. I bet you’re dripping for me, aren’t you? I want you to strip for me. Make it slow, show me that you’re worth it.”

Obeying his every wish, you slowly stood, keeping your eyes on his big caramel coloured irises and brushed your hair behind your shoulders before starting your strip tease for him. You’d never been overly confident in your body, picking faults and finding new things to be insecure about, daily. But Josh had changed that, he taught you how to fall in love with all of yourself. How to admire every little scar, stretch mark and all the insecurities that would eat away at you. He made you feel sexy, beautiful and confident. So doing things like this in front of him was less of a dreaded thing and more of a thrill seek.

Your shoes and socks were already off and you were just left in black leggings and an oversized hoodie. Thank god you chose today to wear matching underwear. You turned round slowly, back to him, shimmying your leggings down the curve of your ass, giving a spank on your left cheek before taking them off completely, lifting your hoodie to show your ass, giving a little shake. His eyes were lighting up at the sight of your ass shaking in the thong. You very slowly body rolled your way out of the hoodie before you were left in the matching navy blue set he got you one Valentines holiday. You ran your hands up and down your curves, using your finger tips to trace over the cups of your bra and the hem of your thong. You turned back to him, wearing a smug smile.

Josh had dramatically slowed down his hand movements, jaw gaped open at the sight before him. He stood and made his way over to you, tracing his hands over your shoulders before turning you back around, facing away from him. “Touch the floor, baby. I want to see you bent over.” Knees bent slightly, you palmed the floor with your ass up in the air. “Mmm, good fucking girl, such a good girl, baby. You look so good.” CRACK, a searing pain felt across both ass cheeks made you jolt and your knees buckle. Josh hurried to keep you from falling. “You gotta take these whips like a good whore. Stay still. You’ll stay still for me, won’t you? You know the safe word if it gets too much.” The after sting felt so good and you knew there would be belt shaped bruises splayed across you tomorrow. “Yes Daddy, I promise. Punish me.” You sounded pathetic and desperate. The leather hitting you three more times, Josh asking you to count with him with each blow to the ass. Your cheeks were numb by the time he was finished, watery eyes and an almost hoarse voice from your screams and moans.

He knelt down with his face centimetres from your ass. “Such an obedient little slut. So desperate, so pathetic. I love it.” He delicately kissed his way over both your ass cheeks, lightly grazing his fingertips over the raised marks, a slight burn with each pass he made. “Marked the way you should be, by me. I can see how wet you are. Your underwear is practically stuck to your pussy. You’re leaking out the sides, baby. Fuccck.”

He laid his palms flat against each ass cheek and used his thumbs either side of the crack to trace down to your entrance, pulling apart slightly when he got to your pussy. “Looks so good, whore. Wanna taste? Don’t answer that, it’s not a question. Taste yourself for me.” Without hesitating, you slid your hand in between your legs, dipping under the lace and curled two fingers into your entrance, you were soaked. You brought them up to parted lips and sucked off your juice. You tasted sweet, fresh and wanted more. “Mmmm, so good Daddy and all for you.” You could hear him grinning through his words “You’re damn right, you cum slut. My turn. Don’t fucking move.”

His hands made their way to the top of your thong, pulling down gently, hooking his index finger under the thin fabric between your cheeks he pulled forward and let them fall to the floor. “There she is. Pretty, soaked pussy. Ahhh baby, look at her. Almost as pretty as you.” He gave a firm but quick spank to your cunt before leaning forward and blowing gently over it. You were whimpering, your entire core burning, twinging. You were so desperate for just some sort of touch. Then he stood up and backed off. Feeling deflated you let out a sigh. “Aww poor baby, thought I was gonna eat you out? No. You’re here to serve me right now, come here and choke on Daddy’s dick.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, lent back on his elbows, legs slightly spread and he gave you a nod. You hopped down to your knees looking up at him through your lashes and he placed a finger under your chin before grabbing your throat tightly, choking you and knocking the air out of your lungs. “Take that bra off, I wanna see those tits bounce while you suck me.” Reaching behind your back, you released the clasp and threw the bra to the side of the room. Your nipples were already hard and so sensitive so it made you squeal when Josh lent forward twisting them in his fingers. He moaned at the sight of your eyes rolling back at the pleasure he was giving you. “Such a bombshell, baby. Will never get tired of this view. Now put that mouth to good use, you pathetic slut.”

Doing as you were told, you slotted yourself between his parted legs and took him in your hand. It was warm and rock solid, twitching with any movement your hand made. His lips parted and his eyes were fixed on yours. You gave a long firm stroke from the base to the tip, leaving your tongue on the tip, lapping up any pre cum you could, just for a taste. He was impatient, not wanting to be teased, he grabbed your hair into his fist, pulling your head back “Open up baby. Use this and make it sloppy.” He grunted before spitting into your mouth. He pushed you onto his cock, you took him all the way back until you could feel the tip hit the back of your throat. “Ahhhh shit, you dirty fucking slut. Take it all.” He was pushing himself into you, keeping your hair fisted into his hand. Your mouth was full, eyes watering, gagging around his length, you could barely breathe but my god was it making you spill down your thighs. “Mmmm, let me fuck that mouth of yours, stay still for me.” You placed your hands on his thighs, knowing what was to come. He started slowly thrusting in and out of your lips, his mouth falling apart and letting out disgruntled moans with each pass. He was warm and slightly salty from the pre cum, so hard and you could feel every bump, vein and crevice of him. You sucked him in with every thrust.

“So good, such an obedient whore for me. But I’m not ready to cum yet. Up. Stand up, now.” He stood up, pulling you up by your hair and walked you over to the bed before pushing you down. He grabbed your ankles and pulled you down so your ass was half hanging off the edge. He knelt in between your legs, taking one of them over his shoulder. “Fuck, I’m going to enjoy this baby.” he breathed, his eyes found yours before reaching down and dragging a finger over your slit. “Tell me. How much do you enjoy having your cunt eaten? You want my face buried in that pretty pussy of yours until you cum on my tongue?” You nodded eagerly holding onto his hand, your other gripping desperately onto the sheets.

With that he gave you a wink and licked through your folds, his tongue flat and wide as he did. Repeating this, he made sure to stay around your clit, sucking gently at it before pushing his weight up on his hands and staring up at you. “Now, be a good girl and ride my face.” he demanded, his pupils blown out, causing his eyes to turn from that caramel colour to almost black. With that, he moved to lay at the head of the bed, grabbing your hand and pulling you to him as you got up on your knees. “Hurry up baby, don’t keep me waiting.” 

You crawled up the bed to meet him and straddled his shoulders, peering down at him as he snaked his arms around your thighs. Pulling you in closer, a grin forming on his face as you moved your knees to either side of his head. He leant up and connected his mouth to your waiting cunt. The contact made you shiver, moaning out as he pulled you down onto his face. His tongue made quick work of lapping and licking at your entrance, the bridge of his nose connecting with your pulsing clit each time he moved his face. Reaching out, you grabbed onto the headboard to steady yourself as you begin to roll yourself down, fucking yourself on his tongue. You could hear him slurping and licking, moaning at the taste and feel of you as the grip he had around your thighs tightened. He used his hands to guide your pussy over his face, making sure his nose hit all of the sensitive spots his tongue couldn’t as his mouth paid special attention to your entrance. His tongue flicked around you in the most delicious ways until you felt your legs begin to shake. You could feel yourself getting close, the flames in your stomach getting hotter and coursing through you. Panting and near on screaming, you dropped your head back “Daddy, I’m gonna cum. Please, please can I cum?” You wailed out. “Yes baby, feed me. Let that cunt go.” That was the command you needed, soaking his mouth and chin as he drank you up. He continued to lick and suck at your pussy as his hands held you still over him. You were shaking violently at the over stimulation. “Fuccccck, oh fuck fuck fuck. I can’t Daddy, fuck it’s so good.” He just laughed at you, continuing to hold you in place, knowing it was verging on painful. When he felt satisfied with the work he’d done, he loosened his grip on you and tapped your thigh gently. 

“Come clean me up, baby.” Knowing exactly what was expected of you, you crawled over to him and licked over any remnants of you on his face. “Come here good girl, lay on your back. Hold your legs against your chest. Gonna make you squirt, you know I love making you squirt. I want you to cover me.” You lay on your back, interlocking your fingers behind your thighs and bringing them to your chest. He knelt next to you, one hand keeping your ankles together and his other giving slaps to your dripping, overly sensitive cunt. He spat on it before plunging two fingers into your entrance. He started slow, curling his fingers upwards each time he entered, hitting that sweet spot. He used his thumb to rub gentle circles onto your clit as he sped up his fingers that were fucking you. You were panting fast and moans started to fall out of your mouth. Your eyes were rolling back, your neck craned upwards as you used your free hand to clutch onto your tits, playing with your nipples.

“What a worthless slut, you are. Look at this pretty cunt, needs to be filled more I think.” He entered another finger, stretching you open further. “Oh fuck, fuccccck Daddy. So good.” He started to vigorously pump his fingers in and out of you and you could feel yourself getting to your breaking point. Your clit was aching with the contact from his thumb, his fingers so deep inside of you. The sides of your pussy aching as he was pounding his hand against your entrance. “I’m gonna cum daddy, please please. I need to cum.” He smiled, fucked out eyes, sweat glistening over his entire body. “Give it to me baby, squirt all over me.” Just like magic, he released his fingers and started to rub them over your entire cunt back and forth with high speed as your spray hit him, the floor, the bed and your legs. Your back arched high off the bed, the screams were so loud you are sure your neighbours would have heard, you were sweating and you felt paralysed by pleasure. He had his mouth open and tongue out, collecting any juice he could catch as it squirted out of you. “I’ll never get tired of that sight, baby.”

He gave you a couple of minutes to collect yourself, your chest aching from how hard you’d been breathing. You shuffled yourself up to the head of the bed, knowing Josh was ready to fuck. You’d already cum twice and he would want at least two more orgasms from you before he would be willing to release his own. He placed himself between your legs, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on the lips. This took you by surprise because whenever you were having level 10 sex, it was almost an unspoken rule that you didn’t kiss on the lips. You smiled sweetly, spreading yourself for him. “Ready for you, Daddy. Want your cock, please.” He ran the tip of his dick through your folds and teased at your entrance, watching your face as he did. “God you’re so wet for me again, didn’t take long did it? You desperate whore.”

The sting of pleasure pulsed around you as you felt Josh’s cock stretch and fill you up. You’d barely just recovered from your last orgasm. He held himself there for a moment so you could adjust to the feeling of him before pulling out of you fully. Thrusting back into your waiting cunt, desperate to be stretched around him again, he lent forward and bit your jaw before spitting over your face and giving a firm slap to your tits. He did this several times alternating between each boob. Each time, you cried out his name, your fingernails digging into his back as he drug you through an inferno of pleasure, pushing you towards the edge of release with each pound. You could hear the squelch of your wetness pooling at your entrance with each thrust. He could tell that you were dangling on the edge of your orgasm, your legs quaking against his body and your arousal soaking him with each thrust into your pussy, he moved a hand between the two of you, circling his thumb around your clit in slow, tight movements. 

“That’s my good girl.” he coaxed, thumb still circling your most sensitive spot. As his cock pumped into you more aggressively, his moans now getting louder. “Give it to me baby, I can tell you’re right there.” He spoke with his mouth wrapped around one of your nipples, before biting down, sucking a small mark into the skin there as he felt you finally release, clenching around him and crying out his name. “Fuck Josh, I’m cumming, Joshy baby… Ahh I’m cumming so hard around your fucking cock, Daddy.” Slowing down, just pounding as hard as he could every few seconds, he let you come down. “Yes baby, say my fucking name. Nobody makes that pussy feel as good as I do.” He slapped your face, hard before grabbing your throat.

He smiled down at you before making more demands. His sudden movement, or lack there of, caught you off guard. “On your knees, ass up.” He shouted, moving away from you to give you room. When you moved a little too slow for his liking, rolling onto your stomach before pushing up onto your knees, he cracked a stinging slap to the right side of your ass, it would be joining the belt bruises from earlier. “I don’t have time to be waiting for you, cum slut.” You positioned yourself so your chest was pressed to the mattress and your ass was as high up in the air as you could get it. You felt him grab onto your hips, he gave you no time to ready yourself before burying himself balls deep within your tight, wet pussy.

In this position he was able to fuck into you deeper, pulling you back to him with every roll of his hips. The sound of his balls slapping against your clit at a furious pace drowned out both of your moans. You know you weren’t supposed to but you couldn’t help but beg him to fuck you harder and faster. All you could do was grab at the sheets on the bed, your body shaking violently as you climbed towards another orgasm. He shut you up by reaching his hands round to your face, hooking his fingers into your cheeks and pulling your mouth back, using them as reigns. His cock repeatedly hit that sweet spot deep within you that so few had found before. He had you climbing that ladder, helping you get closer and closer to the top each time before backing off. He was edging you and each time you would slide your way back into the agonizing pit of darkness that he drug you through with each deep thrust of his thick cock. You felt like you couldn’t take it anymore. You were overstimulated, fucked out, too sensitive, and begging for sweet release. “Please, please, Daddy. Please, please I need to cum. I can’t, I can’t. Please!” You cried out until finally, finally as Josh moved one leg up to rest onto his foot, you felt him at a new angle. This one caused your head to drop forward, white heat racing through your body as that tight coil of desire snapped and sprung loose within you. You clenched down around him, your walls fluttering and pulsing as your arousal soaked him. The noises your bodies made as they met and pulled apart became wet and sloppy.

Josh was about to give into his own release, his body leaning over yours as his mouth fell near your ear. “That’s my beautiful whore, feel your cum round my cock. You hear that? So wet.” He released his hands from inside your mouth and onto your hips again. He pushed one hand onto your lower back, forcing you flat against the bed as he leaned over fucking into you as hard and deep as he could. “Oh baby, that’s it. Take it, fuck. You take my dick so good, gonna cum in that sweet, pretty pussy.” He moaned, releasing his load into your spent cunt. You felt him paint the inside of your walls. His thrusts slowed, faltered, stilled and finally stopped. He pulled out and ordered you onto your hands knees again, so he could watch his cum drip out of you. “Mmm, let’s not have this escape. You’re mine and I need to mark you.” He entered two fingers inside of you, pushing his release back into you. You arched your back at the contact, he was furiously fingering you until you came again, and with both his and your cum on his fingers, he was satisfied.

“Come here, baby. Let’s taste together.” He pulled your mouth to his, dancing tongues and lips messily before he placed fingers between both your mouths, so you could each get a taste. You let out a joint moan at the taste of your releases. “I love you so much, baby” he breathed, resting his forehead against yours. “I love you too, so so much.” After a little and very gentle make out session, he stroked his fingers through your hair as you spoke about your days before deciding to clean up.

He picked you up bridal style and carried you to the bubble bath he had ran. Two bottles of water waiting for you both. He carefully got in behind you. You lay back with your head against his chest as he scattered kisses over your shoulders and neck. He washed your hair for you and made sure your were clean and not too sore after your session. Taking special care of the bruises he had left, being as gentle as possible. “Thank you for making a shit day, much better. Best way to release stress is when Daddy comes out.” You giggled, looking back at him. He reached forward, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and kissed you sweetly on the lips. “You’re welcome my gorgeous girl. You’re worth it. I’d do anything for you, I’m sorry you had a shitty day, but so glad I could improve it. I love you so fucking much.” He placed more kisses over your face. “Now, let’s order some food, you can choose! We’ll cuddle up on the sofa and we’ll stick Shrek on the TV. How does that sound?” He smiled at you. Resting the side of your face against his chest, you smiled up at him. “Perfect, I’m so lucky I have you in my life. I love you, Joshy.”

[scintillyyy]

anyways, out of historical curiosity after finding those old ship manifestos, i went searching through the archive of the dc fic index lj (last seemingly updated ~2006), to see a bit how fandom landscape has changed. so without further ado, here's some numbers:

dick/babs came in at 47 fic entries archived (tho z tells me that at the time dickbabs shippers had their own yahoo archive)

dick/kory at 9 fics archived

dick/donna has 3 fics

dick/wally has 6

dick/roy at 112 fics archived

dinah/babs comes in at 38 entries

dinah/ollie at 8

kon/bart has 39 entries

kon/bart/tim has 39 entries

bart/tim has 44 entries

bernard/tim 22 entries

booster/ted 61 entries

bruce/clark 96 entries

bruce/talia has 1 entry

bruce/selina 27 entries

clark/lois 15 entries

steph/cass has 29 entries

cassie/kon 7 entries

cassie/kon/tim 8 entries

cassie/cissie 8 entries

cissie/greta had a whole 4 entries (good for you, girls)

dana winters drake has 7 fics under her name (people used to remember she exists!)

jack drake has 14 for him

and janet only 1 (and i read it, it's only 100 words and she's called cathy in it agsgajsjs but at least she doesn't seen like a bad mom)

timkon as the juggernaut at 290 entries

and finally tim/steph has 47 entries

now a lot of the lj era heyday was during the tt03 run & infinite crisis and OYL and all that, which makes sense as to why timkon was so huge in particular. also in fandom in general m/m fics do tend to outrun het and f/f pairings by a mile, so those having much larger numbers doesn't surprise me. a lot of these numbers also reflect the status quo of comics at the time--wally and dick were merely seen as best friends while dick was having a ton of UST with roy in the outsiders and that wouldn't change until yja. i don't particularly ship timber, but bringing bernard back didn't actually come out of nowhere--there was some past precedence in fandom (as much as i wish it were ives, instead).

[drunktuesdays]

YES i'm posting a lot but it's simply because i do NOT want to do my human job. the thing about fans holding tony accountable for how completely shit the women's division is that the problem is not really that they only get one match per show.

i mean--it is, obviously that fucking sucks. but that will never change until people get interested in what's going on in the women's division which no one will ever do so long as the stories suck. obviously, i'm f u r i o u s that shida lost on sunday, like that was unbelievable bullshit. but there's a world in which shida and britt REEL from this fucked up situation where this asshole outsider who (in kayfabe) consistently disrespects everything they've ever done now has the belt. and they end up linking up with nyla and maybe riho, and create this storyline where it's like--fuck the outcasts. fuck everyone who consistently devalues how hard it is to come up from the indies as a woman. fuck these jerks for showing up and immediately hogging the spotlight. and britt and nyla and shida are NOT comfortable in an alliance, and the short backstage glimpses we get are sort of reminiscent of the start of cole/mjf with the constant tension of them scorpioning each other. and they loop more originals and homegrowns into this uneasy homegrowns unionization effort, and everyone gets a chance to be like "this is my character. this is who i am. this is the side i'd take." like, wouldn't you enjoy the SHIT out of watching the bunny and skye blue discussing their strategy for a tag team match against toni and ruby, and bunny keeps saying slightly bonkers unnerving shit that skye has to be like "PLEASE stop saying you want to wear ruby's skin as a bathrobe and ENGAGE with me about whether you think we should try and put them through a table." that kind of stuff would INTEREST people and people would start clamoring for more which WOULD get them more matches and time. and when finally someone is set up to take saraya down, it feels earned and triumphant and moving. and we all say "well, it's still completely fucked up that shida got that short of a reign but in the end, you have to admit saraya's reign did SO MUCH for the division."

but i know that won't happen. saraya will end up in the exact rut jade was in, where she keeps doing meaningless squashes, week after week after week. i keep thinking about this exchange dave and bryan had after britt's squash for blood and guts. dave was like "everyone would have gotten mad at tony if there wasn't a women's match on the card," and bryan disgustedly was like "i would rather not have a women's match than a pointless 15 second squash just to satisfy the letter of the law" and dave just kept robotically saying "there had to be one." and that's how tony thinks too. if people mobilize enough to get two women's matches on any given card, sure, he might do it. but they won't be anything he put work into. it won't be part of a planned arc. there's rumors about an all women episode some day. he might do that too, and the whole thing will be randomly generated matchups that might end up being good matches but won't do anything to move anyone forward. and i don't know how you organize to get tony to care. i don't know how you convince him to think through character motivations for wins and losses and face/heel turns. it's just depressing and idk how you navigate your way out of it now without a guillotine

[alovesreading]

Masterlist

last updated: 05/01/2024

Please do not repost any of my work anywhere. All of these are purely fictitious and for entertainment purposes.

You can also read on Wattpad: -alovesreading and AO3: alovesreading

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Happy reading! 

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Matty Healy

Chicken Shop Date 

Matty Healy x Reader (f) | You and your best friend Amelia came up with a very simple idea of taking celebrities on awkward chicken shop dates, and somehow, it’s managed to become both of your jobs. In the past, you’ve found sitting across from some of the biggest stars on the planet and eating chicken nuggets easy. But then Amelia manages to score you a date with the man who you’ve been obsessed with since you were nineteen; Matty Healy.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | 

Instagram AU |

Be My Mistake 

Matty Healy x Reader (f) | Under the influence, Matty makes one of his biggest mistakes which ends up with him losing you. And now there’s nothing more to do, other than deal with the heartache and pick up the pieces.

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You Go To My Head

Matty Healy x Reader (f) | The plans that Matty has arranged for you to celebrate your first Valentine's Day together are out the window when he becomes ill, but staying in to take care of him doesn't mean the day is ruined. And you assure him of it by saying those words he hasn't heard you say before.

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Alex Turner

Constant Repeat 

Alex Turner x Original Character (f) | Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Teaser 1 - Teaser 2 | CR Playlist - Ella’s Playlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Epilogue

Extras (blurbs)

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George Daniel

Nice Kind Of Messy

George Daniel x Reader (f) | Your friends set you up on a blind date, one that you aren't really looking forward to at all but when you find George Daniel there waiting outside the restaurant, there is no doubt it'll be a date to remember.

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Ross MacDonald 

Quarter Past Midnight 

Ross MacDonald x Reader (f) |  Thanks to your best mate, you’ve found yourself welcoming the New Year at a party one of her bosses is throwing at her new house. Since you stepped foot in the place, your only plan has been to spend the night dancing and drinking with your friends. But it all changes when you find a certain bassist looking at you from across the room. And as the night progresses, and a few kisses are shared, you seem to agree on the fact that you’re leaving the party together.

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‘tis the damn season

Ross MacDonald x Reader (f) | Christmas has been your favourite season since you met Ross MacDonald back in Year 9 when you had just moved to Wilmslow, coincidentally on the same road as him. He becomes your very best friend for the rest of high school, but when that ends, life happens and you just can't stop it. And life is certainly cruel to you and Ross. Every December is a reminder of it, somehow always bringing a chance to ruin things even more. After so many mistakes, how can you get back the times you've always cherished with the silly boy with the dimpled smile?

Part 1 | Part 2

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