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nattaphum · 1 year

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MILE AND APO’S INTERVIEWS FOR AWESOME!PLUS MAGAZINE

MILE PHAKPHUM

MUSIC COLUMN: LOVE SONG

George Benson - Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

Very romantic. It's a song about how much I love you, and I can say that not only to my lover, but also to my family and friends. What I imagine is the feeling of singing to a cat in the house (laughs). I love how warm it is.

Is there anything you are looking forward to when you come to Japan?

Of course I was looking forward to working with awesome!plus. Also, i am a guitar collector, so I was looking forward to buying vintage guitars. People have good taste and keep things in good condition, so there are many second-hand items that are really good.

You originally studied music, right?

Yes. I started music when I was 22. If I hadn't been doing music, I wouldn't be where I am today, and I wouldn't be appearing in dramas. The basics of Thai culture are doing music, and that leads to theatrical performances. I also stepped into the entertainment industry because of the music. I was also making demos on guitar. The first thing I made was an acoustic pop rock.

What is important to you when making music?

I take care of it. You can't eat a guitar, so it doesn't have a taste, but you can really feel the taste of its sound. From my point of view, the guitar is very sexy. Plus, vintage guitars are made from old wood, so they smell great. It feels like wine. Furthermore, the guitar can be played in any genre. That's the biggest attraction.

Please tell us about shooting episodes of the drama "Kinn Porsche The Series"

In this work, the performers and all the staff wanted to make a good work. There are many fictional scenes but there are also many human-like lines. Everyone was seriously trying to put on the best performances in the time allotted. I called that time a magic moment. It turned out to be a really good work.

How was the reaction?

I was surprised that everyone responded so well. No matter which country I go to, I can feel everyone's feelings.

The world tour sounds like a lot of fun.

I feel really lucky that I was able to take everyone with me. It feels more like a school trip than a job (laughs). However, the other day I went to Paris by myself for work, and then I felt incredibly lonely..!

Ahaha. By the way, Apo as seen by Mile. What kind of person is he?

He's very energetic. That's what comes out. I'm the type of person who listens, so when we're together, it's really well-balanced. He surprises me a lot. I'm always trying to do my best, so I'm very happy to be able to work with him.

What kind of story are you listening to?

He says everything, such as how he felt at that time. He says anything. He will tell me everything I can understand or can’t understand. He is a person who has no secrets and will tell me everything.

Ahaha. Is there a role you would like to play in the future?

I would like to act in dark, thriller, and murderous scenes. I would also like to play a horror movie like Japan's Ju-on! I was 20 when I started to like the guitar, so I may not be very good at it, but I think it would be great if I could collaborate with Jeff this time. l'm looking forward to it!

Now, Mile, please tell us what you think is the appeal of this drama.

Although the original is a novel, it has become a work that reveals the true face of humans. It's wonderful. To put it simply, it's Pocky."

Pocky!!

"Yes (laughs). Pocky comes in strawberry, chocolate, and banana flavors. I want to try different flavors. This drama is like Pocky (laughs).

APO NATTAWIN

MUSIC COLUMN : LOVE SONG

Vivaldi's Four Seasons

I think it’s a love song. It's smooth and soft, so if you listen to it and are in nature, you can feel the background and love of the song.

What are you looking forward to during your visit to Japan?

I want to work with Japanese staff. Recently, I have traveled to various countries and worked with people from various countries, but Japan is one of my favorite countries, so I am happy to work with Japanese people. I wanted to work with them, and when I actually worked with them, they were all wonderful and always made me feel good.

Is there anything you eat every time you visit?

Surrounded by the sea, I think there are food colors and flavors that only Japan can offer.

However, what would you like to do in Japan if you have time?

I want to feel the unique lifestyle and traditional culture. I went to Meiji Jingu this time, and my mind and body became softer. The smell of nature calms me down, and I feel good energy and energy increase.

About the popular drama "KinnPorsche The 'Series'", do you want to share some behind the scene story?

In the scene on the boat in episode 3, our boat sways every time a boat passes by, so the camera gets drunk, so we have to take a little break after each take! I can not forget. Mile and I are fine because we are concentrating on the people we are acting with, but the cameraman must be drunk because he has a wide field of view through the camera.

Currently on a world tour as a drama member. If you were to hold an event in Japan, what kind of projects would you like to do?

Japan is famous for anime cosplay, so it would be great if everyone could get together in cosplay and sing and dance. There were people in duck and avatar costumes, but if we could get together in Japan and do cosplay together, I'm sure it will be fun.

You like singing and dancing, is there an instrument vou would like to try?

I wanted to play the saxophone because I liked jazz and instrumental music since I was little. I wanted to join the music circle. But now I wonder if I should listen to someone else play it (laughs).

Do vou have a favorite Japanese artist?

I love KAT- TUN. I don't know what it means, but I like the rhythm of the song, the way it's sung, and the beatbox, and it feels good to listen to it. i also like EXILE's "Lovers Again" and “LAST CHRiSTMAS". I like it because it makes me feel like something good is going to happen today.

Is there a Japanese actor you'd like to work with?

Nana Komatsu-san. I'm interested in her because she has a charming natural acting style. Also, Rinko Kikuchi's acting is so deep that it caught my eye. Tomohisa Yamashita, who I've been watching since I was young, is also one of my favorite actors. Takeshi Kaneshiro is also cool, isn't he?

What does acting mean to you?

Acting is what made me understand the world, people and nature. In the process, there are three things that are important to me: the environment in which I was born, the environment in which I am now, and the environment in front of me. When I was worried about the role of Porsche, It was about how he was born and what kind of environment he was raised in. It's difficult because he's a contradiction between his feelings and his actions. All I can say is that he likes Kinn. He loves Kinn regardless of position or gender, and the straightforwardness of Porsche is the appeal.

What role would you like to play in the future?

This work is currently being filmed, and in this series I am performing Thai dance. There is something unique about Thai dance, it is strong but soft and delicate. My teacher told me to think of myself as an angel and move, but it is a loose style. However, it is not popular among young people these days, so I want to convey the charm of Thai dance through this work. Just as everyone thinks of Japan when they hear the words ninja or samurai, I want them to think of Thailand, when they think of Thai dance.

#the part of mile saying he imagines to sing the song to a cat in his house…..#really??? really?????#also it’s so fun that mile mentioned food and tasting things even when it wasn’t the right topic but they asked about food to apo ajssksk #mile felt alone in paris #i wonder if he felt alone in mumbai #:D #kinnporsche #mileapo #awesome!plus #i translated it with google

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thisisthinprivilege · 11 months

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thin priviege in rave/festival/EDM culture

I have always loved raves and music festivals since I was an early teenager (I'm 23 now). Since I've been 18 I have been able to travel around to different festivals like Ultra, Zoo, Cochella, Bonnaroo, etc. And because I live in Vegas I have been able to attend some of the most elite clubs where internationally famous DJs have played. In many ways I am aware of how incredibly lucky I am to have the economic privilege to do all of these things thanks to my very supportive parents (they were hippies and enjoyed quite a few festivals in their day I'm guessing).

But instead, I want to talk about thin privilege at these events. The events themselves have become incredibly fashion conscious these last few years. People plan their outfits far far ahead of time and put so much thought into them. Which is great to some degree. But for me it is incredibly frustrating. My thin friends that I go with were tiny shorts and skirts, wear body paint and next to nothing. I am far from slut shaming them, I encourage them and help them plan outfits. I am happy for them. They are often asked by event photographers to take pictures.Their instagram photos get 100s of likes, DJs invite them in stage to dance. They look great and everyone compliments them. It seems that dressing up is part of the fun for them. It is pretty much expected that you'll look good at the events, instead of actually enjoying the music. Not to mention the amount of people, that wear fat shaming clothing items that say things like "no fat chicks" and or "body by god and iron". As if being thin is all about being blessed by god and working out, not simply just genetics. Thin girls wear shorts that say bootyful and get applauded and agreed with, not laughed hysterically at.

But then there is me. I am 5'6 and about 278. I have trouble in a size 24, usually the largest size available in places to do have larger sizes in my area. I feel often as I am somewhere between small fat and just simply fat. I know I don't have it to the worst, but growing up in where literally everyone is hot and thin, I often feel much larger than I am, and I am usually the fattest person in the room, and I am then treated the worst because of it. As you guys and FBP have mentioned, fat shaming is usually relative, which I can 100% attest to. I only realize that I am not alone when I visit other cities where people are my size or larger.

I cannot ever find festival clothes that will fit my body and look good on me. The best I can do is usually wear leggings or tights with large men's hunting tops (those bright yellow/green/orange tshirts) and try and repurpose them to have ties, holes, etc. I've become really good at it (at least, I think so) and no one ever notices. I put just as much into my outfits and yet I never get noticed. I was even asked to step out of a picture because all my friends had on matching clothes that I couldn't fit into and therefore couldn't wear. I had to go as the fat friend on the side.

When I'm not going unnoticed, the stares i get are always out of disgust. People cannot fathom why a fat girl would bother with one of these events. Apparently only thin people in cute outfits can like EDM.

I just wish that the attention could go back to the music and happy community vibes and not the fashion of thin people.

#thin privilege #body policing #clothes #submission

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sicknessbysalem · 5 months

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More Yulya/Novak and him being an absolute idiot eating gluten? Maybe in an important date, so he decides to just Suck It Up?

novak being an absolute idiot is my favorite flavor of request/fic, so i deeply appreciate this

also i've been missing these two so i'm so excited to write this

some background info: most figure skating competitions (international level) have banquets and stuff after the event itself. so i decided what better way for novak to be an absolute moron who thinks he's invincible. also wanted to introduce some more characters.

tw emeto, food intolerance, stomach pain (the obligitory 'novak is an idiot and won't tell his fiancée girlfriend' warning as well)

Novak can't say he dislikes the fact that even though he came with her, he can't spend most nights with Yuliya.

Sure, Yuliya might have been able to spend those nights in his hotel room, but neither of them really wanted to test that theory. Not right now, not when Yuliya is only in her second season back into competition.

Novak also can't say he's happy things turned out the way they did with the Mavericks. He really isn't happy that he had to step away from playing, and he's even less happy about the fact that the Mavericks lost their conference game and were done for the season. Novak is sure he's taking to it harder because he was there, on the sideline, he should have been able to play. But he can't play, he knows he can't. And it kills him.

But what he is happy about is being able to travel with Yuliya. Being able to go with her to Sheffield for the European Championships. Marina was more than happy to take Elya for the week. Novak would have brought her, but she was nine now. She was in school, more important schooling than had this happened when he was still playing.

Novak tried to think of the bright side. He tried to think of the positive things that went in with all of this mess. And that made it so much better.

Yuliya qualified to compete at the European Championships. Truth be told, Novak was incredibly impressed. Not that he didn't have the highest level of faith he could possibly have in the woman he asked to marry him, but he also knew from her that qualification was no easy task.

He was ecstatic she invited him to come with. Sure, having separate hotel rooms wasn't ideal, but he still saw her doing what she loved, and he still spent time with her.

"Do you want to come with me?" She had asked that evening, as she got ready in his hotel room.

Novak had shut his laptop, abandoning the thesis paper he was working on. It wasn't due for weeks and he was far enough ahead.n That was another thing he was thankful for, no longer playing meant he could finish his master's degree. Not that it mattered now, but it would be useful. If he ever needed it anyway.

"Come with you where?" Novak asked.

"To the banquet?" Yuliya said, "It's honestly pretty fun. Hey, can you fix this?"

She sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her hair away, Novak went to fix the collar of her dress. Or, whatever it was.

"Am I allowed to?" Novak asked, "I don't want you to-"

"Trust me, they don't care," Yuliya said, "At least, they never had before. Kirill's going to be there, Zalatoi said he might as well. He's not feeling so hot after his program which is to be expected. Wyatt too, I'm sure Wyatt will ask you all about Jayden but-"

"Yeah, I can go," Novak said, "You're lucky my mom convinced me to pack something nice."

That was how he ended up here. Sitting at a table with Yuliya. With Yuliya's friends. Other European skaters. It felt like another gala dinner, or a wedding reception. But it also didn't.

There was a lot of conversation. And Novak was pleasantly surprised how many people wanted to talk to him. He would never tell Yuliya, but he had been incredibly worried that everyone would either ignore him or not want him there. Novak wasn't much of an extrovert, but it was nice to just have people around who at least seemed tolerant of him being here.

He hadn't even realized dinner came, hadn't realized he's eaten either. But before he knew it, the staff was taking plates away. Including from him.

Yuliya was engrossed in a conversation with a girl from Bulgaria. Melina, Novak thought Yuliya had introduced her. Novak was more than happy to sit back and just listen to the conversations around him.

Kirill was talking to Yuliya and Melina. Something about World Championships, something about a place he went, they were talking vacations and sights before Novak knew it.

As time slipped away, Novak found it harder and harder to keep up with the conversation around him. He checked his watch, but forgot the time almost as soon as he looked away. It didn't matter, really.

Novak felt... weird. He didn't know how to explain it. Not immediately.

"Hey, I'll be right back," He whispered in Yuliya's ear, kissing her cheek lightly.

Novak excused himself from the table with a casual smile, excusing it as needing a quick bathroom break. He made his way through the lively crowd, the sounds of clinking glasses and laughter fading as he stepped into the quiet of the restroom.

Leaning against the cool marble sink, Novak took a moment to collect himself. His stomach churned uncomfortably, and he realized with a pang of regret that he must have eaten something that didn't agree with him. That was the only thing he could think of. After all, it was possible. He hadn't really been paying attention to what he was eating, and he definitely didn't want to make a deal out of it by saying anything. Unless this was something else, but it didn't feel like anything else. Really, it didn't feel like much of anything.

Splashing some water on his face, Novak tried to push the discomfort aside.

As Novak stood in front of the mirror in the restroom, took a few breaths, he couldn't shake off the sense of unease that had settled over him like a heavy fog.

Physically, he felt a knot of discomfort coiling in his stomach, a nagging sensation that something wasn't right. It was like a subtle but persistent ache, a dull throb that intensified with every passing minute. His mouth felt dry, he tasted the faintest trace of blood, he'd been biting his cheek of a little bit, he assumed. Maybe, then, it was anxiety. Being in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people. Sure he knew Yuliya's friends by legal definition, but they were her friends. Not his.

Despite these unsettling sensations, Novak tried to muster a sense of determination. He couldn't let this ruin Yuliya's night, not when she was so excited about the event. Taking a deep breath, he straightened his posture and splashed some water on his face, hoping to wash away both the physical discomfort and the mental fog.

As he returned to the banquet hall, the sights and sounds of the lively gathering seemed to come into sharper focus, though the knot in his stomach persisted. Novak resolved to push through, putting on a brave smile for Yuliya's sake. She wanted him here, he knew she did. He wasn't going to let her down.

Novak returned to the table with a practiced smile, hoping to blend back into the lively conversations seamlessly. Yuliya, ever perceptive, glanced at him with a gentle concern in her eyes.

"Everything okay? You were gone for a bit," she asked softly, her concern laced with a touch of worry.

Novak waved off her concern with a casual shrug. "Just needed a breather, all good," he reassured her. Yuliya nodded understandingly and turned back to her conversation with Melina, the topic shifting to upcoming competitions and training routines.

As the evening progressed, Novak's condition worsened despite his attempts to hide it. The knot in his stomach tightened, and waves of nausea washed over him with increasing frequency. At one point, he tied back his hair without thinking about it. The vibrant conversations around him blurred into an indescernable mix of voices, making it difficult for him to focus.

As he sat there, he only felt worse. As quickly as he realized something wasn't right, things took a turn for a worst. The need to be sick was urgent now, a desperate plea from his body to rid itself of whatever had caused this turmoil.

Yuliya was engrossed in a discussion with another skater, unaware of Novak's sudden departure. However, Kirill, who sat nearby, noticed Novak's hurried exit and the strained expression on his face.

Concerned, Kirill excused himself from the conversation and discreetly followed Novak to the restroom.

As Novak leaned heavily against the bathroom sink, his hands trembling slightly, he was hit with a wave of intense nausea that seemed to consume him from the inside out. The once-faint discomfort had escalated into a full-blown ordeal, his stomach twisting and churning as if in protest against whatever had triggered this sudden sickness.

Before he could register the severity of his condition, he turned quicker than he thought he could, dashing for one of the stalls, completely forgetting to shut the door, heaving uncontrollably. The taste of bile and the acrid scent filled the small restroom, adding to his misery. Each retch was accompanied by a sharp pang of pain, his body convulsing with the effort to expel whatever had upset his stomach so drastically.

Just as he struggled to catch his breath between bouts of vomiting, the bathroom door creaked open, and Kirill's concerned face appeared in the mirror's reflection. Kirill didn't hesitate, immediately taking action to check on Novak.

"Hey, easy there," Kirill said softly, placing a hand on Novak's back in a comforting gesture.

Novak spit, coughed, tried to catch his breath. Before getting so sick he fell to his knees.

"Ah shit, one of those," he hears Kirill say behind him.

Yuliya told him something about Kirill. But Novak couldn;t remember what it was. It was enough for Novak to know Kirill wasn't mad, at least.

Novak's face was pale, sweat beading on his forehead despite the coolness of the restroom. His whole body trembled with exhaustion and the exertion of being violently ill. He felt weak and drained, his muscles protesting with every movement.

"Here," Kirill reached around, loosening a few buttons on Novak's chest without thinking.

"I-I don't know what happened," Novak managed to gasp out between breaths, his voice hoarse and strained. The sudden onset of sickness had caught him completely off guard, leaving him entirely shaken.

"It's okay, sometimes these things happen," Kirill reassured him, patting his back gently. "Just focus on breathing for now. Take small sips of water when you can."

Novak moved over. He didn’t want to tell Kirill to get his hands off him, but the touch was an annoyance at best. So, he simply moved over. He leaned against the stall wall, trying to steady his ragged breathing. The taste of bile lingered in his mouth, a bitter reminder of his body's revolt.

“This just happened?” Kirill asked.

Novak nodded, “I don’t… know why. Please don’t tell Yuliya.”

Kirill nodded in understanding, "I won't say anything if you don't want me to," he assured Novak, “But maybe you should consider telling her. She'd want to know you're not feeling well."

Novak hesitated, torn between wanting to keep Yuliya in the dark to avoid ruining her night and the practicality of getting some rest. "I... I'll think about it," he replied vaguely, not wanting to commit to either course of action just yet.

Kirill gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder before stepping back slightly, giving Novak some space. "Take it easy. If you need anything, just let me know. And here, take this so you don’t exactly smell like you just puked up your dinner when you talk to Yuliya.”

Kirill grabbed a pack of gum from his pocket and handed it over. before leaving the restroom to give Novak some privacy.

Alone in the restroom, Novak took a few moments to compose himself. His mind raced with conflicting thoughts, trying to come up with a plausible excuse to leave the banquet without causing undue concern. Finally, he decided on a simple explanation that wouldn't raise too many questions.

When Novak returned to the table, Yuliya immediately noticed the tired lines etched on his face. "Everything alright?" she asked, her concern evident in her voice.

Novak managed a weak smile, trying to appear nonchalant. "Yeah, mom’s just trying to call.”

Yuliya nodded understandingly, her expression softening with concern. "Do you need to go?" she asked, ready to accommodate his needs.

"I think I should," Novak replied, relieved that his excuse seemed to work. "Sorry to cut out early."

Yuliya shook her head, her concern evident. "Don't apologize, your mom comes first. Take care of whatever it is, okay? I’ll come up in a bit anyway.”

Novak nodded gratefully, excusing himself from the table and making his way back to his hotel room.

Novak was exhausted. He wasn't sure how he ended up so terribly spent, but here he was.

He intended to put on something more comfortable and lay down. By now, his stomach was killing him and he was unbearably nauseous. A million things ran through his head as to why he was so sick. It was so sudden. He felt fine earlier, really he did. He felt fine until after dinner.

At some point, Novak dozed off. It didn't last long. Before Novak knew it, he stumbled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom, his body heaving with the familiar sensation of sickness. He barely made it to the toilet in time, the sound of retching echoing in the confined space. Each wave of nausea was accompanied by a rush of adrenaline, his heart racing with the intensity of the sickness that seemed to have no end.

Meanwhile, Yuliya had returned to the hotel room, her footsteps quiet as she entered. Concern etched her features as she noticed Novak's absence from the room. His phone was on the nightstand. She walked over and plugged it in for him.

"Novak?" she called out softly, her voice tinged with worry.

The sound of vomiting from the bathroom answered her question before Novak could. With a sinking feeling in her chest, Yuliya hurried to the bathroom door, pushing it open to find Novak hunched over the toilet, his face pale and beads of sweat glistening on his forehead.

"Novak, what's wrong?" Yuliya's concern was evident as she knelt down beside him, one hand pushing back some hair that got in the way. The sight of him in such distress tugged at her heart, her worry for his well-being overriding any inconvenience or plans for the evening.

Novak glanced up at her, his eyes filled with a mix of embarrassment and discomfort.

"I... I don't know," he admitted hoarsely, the truth of his situation laid bare in front of Yuliya. "I've been feeling off since the banquet, and it just keeps getting worse."

Yuliya's gentle touch and comforting presence offered some solace to Novak as he struggled through another bout of sickness. Yuliya hated to leave him, but knew he hated her being so close when he wasn't feeling well. She stepped out, she changed out of her nice dress. She came back with a water bottle, just as Novak coughed up one last mouthful of whatever was making his stomach so pissed off.

Once the episode passed and Novak sat back, his breathing still ragged.

"Kirill was worried about you," Yuliya said, standing to grab a cup from the sink, pouring some water in the cup.

"Yeah, he followed me, for some reason," Novak said.

"Kirill has a chronic vomiting condition," Yuliya said, "It's like a sixth sense, he knows when someone is going to throw up."

"Wait how did-"

"I texted Marina," Yuliya said, "Asked her if she and Elya were okay after what you told me."

"Fuck, why?" Novak sighed.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well, you didn't have to come to the banquet if-"

"I was feeling fine earlier," Novak said, "Genuinely, I don't know what happened. I ate dinner with you guys and just started feeling shitty."

Yuliya sighed, sitting next to Novak without a word. Novak looked to her, confused by her sudden silence.

Yuliya lightly faceplanted into his shoulder. Novak would have been worried, more worried about her than how terrible he felt. But Yuliya started laughing.

"You are so stupid," she scolded gently, her tone laced with exasperation but also a deep caring for his well-being.

Novak winced slightly at her words, knowing she was right but not wanting to admit it fully.

"You had what I did, didn;t you?" Yuliya asked, "What… most of us had."

"I did but I mean," Novak said, "I didn't think about it and even if I had I didn't want the trouble of-"

"Zalatoi is complicated, he has to eat both gluten free and vegetarian or else he ends up like you," Yuliya said, "Kirill always substitutes the actual meal for a few sporadic rounds of lighter things, like a soup or salad or whatever they have. They are used to it, babe."

"I know, I know," he muttered, his gaze downcast as he felt a pang of guilt for causing such a scene.

Yuliya sighed, reaching for a towel to dampen with cool water and handing it to Novak. "Here, wipe your face. Then we can lay down and cuddle to make up for you giving me a heart attack and a half.," she said, her voice softening as she resumed her comforting gestures.

As Novak cleaned himself up, Yuliya couldn't help but feel a mixture of frustration and fondness towards him. His tendency to downplay things and brush off concerns had always been a source of mild irritation, but she knew it came from a place of not wanting to make a fuss or draw attention to himself.

"We'll make sure you're okay before anything else," Yuliya assured him, her hand resting on his shoulder in a reassuring gesture. It would have been nice to stay that way.

But it was Yuliya. Yuliya lightly smacked the back of Novak's head. "For fucks sake, next time pay more attention to what you eat."

"Oh," Novak said, "Well, if I do that, then I get to miss out on your excellent bedside manner and caregiving."

Yuliya smiled, "Keep talking and I'll drag you to bed, literally. Across the floor."

"You're hot when you're annoyed," Novak told her, smirking slightly.

Yuliya went to speak, but as always such a gesture left her speechless for a moment. She smiled again.

"Yeah, I know," Yuliya teased, "You're ugly when you aren't sending me into cardiac arrest."

"I'm what now?"

"Jokes on you," Yuliya interrupted, "You practically always send me into cardiac arrest."

#emeto #sickfic #emeto fic #emeto cw #emeto tw #emetophilia #the chronicles of novak daskalov being a fucking idiot #food intolerance tw

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firewoodfigs · 9 months

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Tagged by the resplendent @roseofbattles :)

TEN GOOD THINGS IN 2023

1. New York / poetry readings — sometime around September, I got to feed an old, ostensibly impractical dream that’s emerged and lurked around since two decades ago. I wrote a poem and got to read it aloud in a wonderful art studio around Chelsea, teeming with so much talent and heart, thanks to the incredible @mirabile---visu. Thank you, dear friend, for giving my poem a home. I will remember this forever and hold dear to heart all the honest conversations we had over pizza, art and wine <3 you are such an inspiration and I can’t wait to see you again! Thank you too to the insanely talented @go-haywire for putting my words into print and allowing them to rest in a well-bound sanctuary — I carried it with me in New York as a lucky charm, and will always be eternally grateful for your generosity and faith.

2. New Zealand — sometime in April, in between jobs, I got to visit the amazing @tsaritsa in NZ, and it was two weeks of peace and great novelty, including but not limited to riding on a horse, feeding penguins, and donning on a firefighter costume! We also walked a ton and talked a lot and gazed upon a blanket of stars. Thank you for all your hospitality and love which I will never forget (and see you in 2024?!)

3. Other travels — I travelled a lot around Asia this year, for work and for fun! I got to see the cherry blossoms for the first time in my life with Japan with my partner. We also got to celebrate his birthday there, and it was an all around lovely trip; I’m really happy he got to have this break because he’s been truly working so hard in 2023. I also ushered in the new year with a dear friend in South Korea; the fireworks were nothing short of spectacular! We got a strawberry shortcake after and returned to our cute little apartment to just wind down and pen down our hopes for 2023 :) I also got to visit Thailand, Vietnam and Malaysia for work, which were really exciting experiences!

4. Job switch — sometime in April, I was confronted with this HUGE dilemma of staying here in my hometown or moving to… a tax-free desert… the latter meant I’d at least be able to stay with my previous firm, but after a lot of coffees and deep consideration I decided it was better to move on to someplace else and stay put so I could spend more time with my partner. In hindsight it was probably the best decision I could’ve made; 2023 has been quite emotionally distressing for us and I would’ve hated to see him ensure all of that alone. I was mildly apprehensive at first about the switch, but I’ve been really blessed to have the most wonderful colleagues and bosses and am really excited to see what’s in store next :)

5. Meeting new friends, and in a similar vein, catching up and reuniting with old ones :) New York was a dream, in large part due to meeting some of the most luminous souls I’ve had the serendipitous pleasure of knowing during the pandemic—first over a screen, and then in person, over karaoke, and bagels, and coffee, and ice cream, and of course fried chicken LOL. @x-rainflame-x @roseofbattles @nightofnyx8 @beware-thegemini @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @annespelledwithane it was so so precious getting to meet you all in New York and I will cherish our time there together forever!

6. Learning a language—I try to learn at least one new word a day, and I’ve also been working on my Japanese since moving into a Japanese firm. It really helps as well to have colleagues that I can practice with—I took classes briefly in college but it sort of just drifted out of my memory after the pandemic because I didn’t speak it regularly, but now that I do it’s been super fun!

7. Getting into Spy x Family — and consequently, getting back into fic writing :) all of this is @nightofnyx8’s fault btw, now I have to pretend I like this stupid fake family a normal amount (when I’m just obsessed an unhealthy amount lmao)

8. Fraud/investigations work — this basically consumed the entirety of my Nov/Dec and there’s not much I can divulge about it (apart from the fact that it pretty much aged me by a decade) but… I felt like Loid Forger and it was fun being a spy for a month. the end

9. Dealing better with anxiety (?)—question mark because my progress is… questionable. On one hand I think I’ve gotten a lot better at regulating (or perhaps suppressing) a lot of associated feelings, but it still gets frightening on occasion when the dam breaks free without much prior warning. Regardless I think it’s a marked improvement from the countless menty bs back in college lmao. To be very frank, having a stable income of sorts has helped a great deal; in college I was constantly plagued with the fear of not having enough to purchase required materials or at times food, and it was just a lot to deal with. It felt like there was no room for failure because I only had myself to rely upon, and success was the only tenable avenue out of poverty, but being able to now obtain necessities and even additional wants has done wonders for my mental health. It’s true that money doesn’t happiness, and I spend a great deal of time daily mulling over capitalism and consumerism and the like, but I cannot deny the sense of security it affords.

10. And finally, falling deeper in love everyday :) it’s easy to think we know a great deal about someone, except we don’t. People may appear simple, but the truth is we’re all a work in progress, and by extension, a continuing story. I could read a million books and write a million poems, but beloved, believe me—you will always be my favourite.

Goodbye 2023, and hello 2024!

#personal #writing

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atieflingtime · 1 year

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GAME: 1888: Amenti by Mundos Infinitos

DESCRIPTION: “You have run too long from your past. But it is impossible to escape from the desert’s sun. It will test you, you will be judged. ”

ITEMS NEEDED: Dice; 1d4

THOUGHTS: This one took me a bit to get into because of how the page is formatted tbh! But with knowing it was designed to fit on a card, it makes more sense why it was organised partly the way it was. I played off of a PDF on my computer, so it wasn’t the intended form it be played off of.

After getting a little more familiar with the flow of when to roll for what — it was quite fun! I went more in a literal ‘come across the trial’ way, with the actual events of the bulk of the play actually happening inside the character (the beginning and the ending are outside of the character’s head). It was interesting to see how the different animal combinations could interact with the other desolations! Honestly it could benefit from a touch more choices, but it’s still incredibly enjoyable with the four possibilities in the categories. (:

I definitely recommend trying it out if you’re interested in some pocket ttrpgs, as well as a lot of creative freedom in interpreting the prompts/results.

unedited playthru is under the readmore (:

The stiff cloth my uniform was made out of was ill-suited to the oppressive heat and dryness of the desert. The starch felt like it was seeping out of the fabric and into my skin. It wasn’t supposed to be this long to travel. The calling for sandstorms had the majority of my brothers in arms uneasy to even start.

But we had to go. The higher-ups said it was critical for our home’s victory that we continued this mission, though they weren’t able to go themselves. They said our home was depending on it.

And now most of my brothers are lost.

Not even dead — just… lost. Their bodies swallowed by the sands. I hope at least some of them were lucky enough to get out, but I am hesitant to even wish for that hope for longer than a second.

I don’t have much in the way of supplies. My canteen can’t have more than a half-day’s worth of water in it, and even that tastes gritty from the encroaching sand. A compass is useless if I don’t know where I’m supposed to be heading, especially with its accompanying map long lost to the storm. A torn blanket, a piece of short metal making a sorry knife, and this journal.

A sorry state of supplies. We should have been allowed better preparations if this was as important as the higher ups were making it out to be to us. I wonder if they knew this was a Hail Mary of a mission, since none of them volunteered their own feet to take it.

FIRST VISION: Rolled 3; 3; 1; 2 At the Eternal Twilight, you arrive at an Antelope’s Carcass, a Scorpion, tough but ruthless, watches you.

I’ve run out of water. The canteen got a lot more sand into its seal than I originally thought. I tried to drink from it and got a mouthful of sludgy wet sand. Cruel.

I wonder if this is punishment from the gods for fighting amongst ourselves… if this is some way that they want to force us to behave. A cruelty for a cruelty.

The night is so cold.

Twilight didn’t seem to leave this place. Cold and sparkling — deep aubergine and Prussian blue, sand and stars glinting like well polished silver buttons. I feel tension sitting underneath my skin. A taut feeling, like my emotions are simmering just under the lid of a pot.

My feet continue to walk. The sweat in my once-shined boots squelching against my feet like my nightmares of the trenches when I was a younger man. I didn’t think I would ever have to feel that place again. I can almost hear the slosh of the muck in that filled those hellish lines as my feet continue to move forward.

The smell of rot hit my nose, and it took me a moment to realise it was not a memory.

How could there be a rotting antelope’s carcass this far out in these cursed sands? Was it another poor victim of the sandstorms’ cruel games? My eyes slide over the carcass that looks far too wet to for how dead the animal is. Its wide, dead eyes stared into mine, its face split.

I saw my friend’s face in the trench — hit dead by the cheap materials we had been given to reinforce the trench wall bursting into shrapnel we couldn’t have anticipated from an artillery shell. He’d been laughing and joking only a few minutes earlier, and in an instant those bright brown eyes were dull and bloody and wide from the surprise of death. I was covered in my friend. I couldn’t patch him back together. What use was I? What use was my fucking training if I couldn’t even do that? We weren’t old enough to see death like that, no grown man should see death like that, but certainly no teenager.

A small, jewel-green scorpion crawled out from inside of the carcass. Filaments of gold threading through its carapace, looping in constellations. It shone so bright in contrast to my dead friend — cutting through what I saw to show just the carcass of the antelope.

I didn’t notice I was sobbing until that first heaving of air.

The scorpion stared at me. I felt its eyes watching, and its tail twitching and ready.

There was no care for the lost life it was standing on. Squared up to me in a display of terrible survivalism. It lived and my friends died.

Wars like this weren’t for the the betterment of citizens, they were for those that didn’t know the rot of trenchfoot, of the slick inside your jacket that you can’t tell if it’s rain or blood or a festering wound finally weeping. They only thought of how to move chess pieces, they didn’t care if their machinations caused young men to expel their own lungs. They wanted glory without sacrificing anything of their own.

ROLLED 3; passed the Trial. Found water.

My eyes didn’t leave the scorpion until I was well past being able to actually see it. A soldier’s truce on no man’s land.

I thought it was another cruel trick of my eyes when I saw the spritz of grasses and the water. Gods, I was so thirsty. Carefully, my raw throat managed to whisper out a ‘thank you’ to whoever had allowed me to come across this water. My canteen carefully washed and refilled, water cupped in my cracked hands and held to my lips. I drank and I thanked the gods again.

Though I wished I could stay, I knew I had to keep walking.

SECOND VISION: Rolled 1; 1, 1, 3 In the Cold Night, you find The Jackal, cunning but opportunistic, climbing a Dead Tree

The night changed the oppressive heat of the desert to a bone chilled cold. It scared me. I remember the cold and the wet, I could feel it still sticking to my skin even though it was only a memory now. I wrapped the torn blanket tighter around my shoulders.

The gnarled dead tree stood solitary in the mass of flat sand. Bleached white as washed bones. It didn’t seem a place to rest, at least not to me.

Glinting eyes of a fire orange and coal jackal peering down from one of the natural resting spaces in the juts didn’t startle me as much as I expected. It looked unnatural just like the scorpion. My heart is being weighed in their eyes.

It wasn’t forcing the deadwood into a shape of its fancy, it was taking the situation it was given and making it work for it.

The coal colour of its fur spitting out from where I could see it nestled in the tree forced the memory of the soot and screaming machinery. It turned everything dead and grey in its path. Before this war, when I was just a young boy, I thought metal was always cold. It didn’t make sense that metal could be hot and screaming if it wasn’t the molten glow from the blacksmith.

Men and metal don’t mix.

But, I guess, we can only work with the situation we have. Our brothers can’t be lost for nothing, we can end with fewer limbs lost if we can find the right way to do it.

ROLLED 4; passed the Trial. Stars show the way.

Rhythmic blinking of the constellations above me caught my tired eyes — they were dragging my mind to follow them. This must be the way I need to be going. I must follow them.

THIRD VISION: Rolled 2; 4, 4, 4 At the Bright Sunrise, you see two Gerbils, nimble but weak, fighting amidst the a Dry River.

The light hurt my eyes. It was so unrelentingly bright, my eyes felt scorched inside their sockets. The pain stuttered my focus. I tripped into the desiccated river before I ever saw it.

Two small, enraged rodents were fighting each other. Screaming at one another and trying to rend blood from the other.

I felt white-hot anger — hotter than the baking sun and the piercing spit of the sand. Violence seeped to the marrow of my bones. Don’t they know they’re on the same side? Shouldn’t they want to work together to survive in this forsaken place? Why don’t they understand they’ll both die killing each other and the vulture will eat them both the same?

My hand shot out and grabbed one of the screeching things. Enraged and disgusted, they both were going to be ending their fighting, and I’m making them have the same result.

And for that, I am ashamed.

ROLLED 2; failed the Trial; wounds started to fester.

My steps faltered when I was able to pick myself back up from where I’d collapsed. I felt the tear of my skin inside my boots and I knew without checking that my lower legs were festering. The telltale burn was all I needed as a reminder of the fear I’d felt when the murky water in the trench had managed to seep through cheap cardboard soles and cloth and the mix of death and living mess seeped into the bleeding punctures on my legs. Infection wasn’t a gamble of ‘if’, it was one of ‘when’.

I’m not ashamed to say that I wept.

Wet, keening sobs were forced out of my body when I came upon the Horizon’s Monolith and collapsed in front of the slick obsidian. Figures glinted inside of the monolith, and my bloodshot eyes could not look away from them. I couldn’t even force myself to blink as sand whipped into my pained eyes. I could feel the figures inside the obsidian talking but I couldn’t hear them.

I could feel my heart rend from my chest to be weighed, even though it stayed beating fast and heavy inside my ribs.

Was I enough, in the end?

PASSED 2/3 TRIALS: You wake up in your world, having been rescued with a renewed conviction. Describe what you seek to teach people

I startle awake, a guttural scream ripping out of me. In an instant my thrashing body is held down by my brothers, and their familiar voices help me to calm.

Seeing their mottled faces, young men with the weight of horrors they never should have had to shoulder etched into their skin, I scrambled my hands to touch them. They held my hands, they rested their hands on my body where they could reach, giving that reassuring pressure as I clung to them like they were going to disintegrate if I lessened my grip even an ounce.

The fear that grips my heart from those machines will not leave me. I can’t let more be fed to them. I hope my cowardice manages to stop another from being consumed.

I truly hope it will.

#solo ttrpg #atieflingtime playthrus #indie ttrpg #atieflingtime #review #1888 amenti ttrpg

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occidentaltourist · 1 year

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15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Thank you for the tag @leoisanaries :)

1. Are you named after anyone? Yes and no :) (First name no, middle name yes)

2. When was the last time you cried? Hmmm, a couple of days ago I think. I tear up quite frequently (usually in a good way, but also just experiencing waves of grief as they hit me) ... and a good cry is a good emotional release.

3. Do you have kids? No, and happily so.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Nevah! (sarcastically)

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their dog. If they unfortunately don’t have one with them, then their eyes.

6. What's your eye color? Black.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. I’m too chicken for scary movies and never watch them.

8. Any special talents? None that I can think of.

9. Where were you born? Planet earth. :)

10. What are your hobbies? I love to travel and am incredibly lucky that I’m able to do so in my professional and personal life. Not sure if that counts. Aspirationally: learning more about video games (culturally, anthropologically, economically, aesthetically, as an art and media form), and building fun Lego sets.

11. Have you any pets? A dog, and a rotating cast of fosters when time permits.

12. What sports do you play/have played? Softball, basketball, tennis, track. A long, long time ago!

13. How tall are you? 5' 6"

14. Favorite subject in school? High school: Literature (of all kinds), though I had some amazing science and history teachers too; College: too many to name; Grad school: learned a lot from so many but probably the Economics of Immigration, International Health Policy, and Finance. (three different courses, sorry couldn’t choose)

15. Dream job? The career I’ve had for most of my adult life. I’m incredibly lucky.

Tagging @maiden-of-might @disquietiswhatitis @brownandreclusive @morallyconflictedcharacters @lena-in-a-red-dress @mssirey @writingsandfandoms @whythinktoomuch @jazzfordshire @elizabethgoudge @chantgirl @this-is-lightning @swallowedabug @the-ominous-owl @ratherembarrassing

And anyone else who’d like to join in!

#ask meme

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forgivenpunishment · 1 year

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👄 + nico and meryl

⩥ anonymous || of course you want to know about them [OPEN]

Nico (@/full-of-mercy: wayward verse)

"Well... How do I even begin talking about Nico," Nick scratches at the side of his face, thinking, "At first it was weird, hanging around 'myself,' especially after I'd just been isolated for months in a cold cell, I honestly thought I might've been hallucinating."

He pauses, thinking about what to say, "Well, I can say that I still feel... weird... calling him Nico. It's a childhood nickname, you know? But that's what the Little Lady calls him, so I just kind of avoid saying it when I can. I have the luxury of being able to just say Nicholas or Wolfwood and act under the assumption that I'm not talking about myself. Still feels weird though. Maybe I should come up with some other name for him..."

Nick laughs to himself with a smirk, "Yeah maybe I'll just start calling him something totally out of left field. Zach... or Vincent... I dunno, fuckin' Loboleña or something. He'd probably have my ass if I started doing that though. Well, him or the Queen herself. It's a work in progress and a problem for later me."

Meryl (@/misplacedreporter: main verse)

"Ahh yes, the Boss Lady herself. What can I say that won't have her coming after me with a grudge? Or, well, that damn Cube holds more grudges than she does, yeesh. I swear, that thing sends me off to God-knows-where on my own more often than I care to admit."

"Anyway," Nick refocuses, smiling fondly as he thinks of one of the few people he's actually let in and loved, "She's always been patient with me. Too patient. Way more patient than I've ever deserved. Feels like forever ago that she finally managed to break through my defenses and get me to feel things. I didn't actually expect to fall for her, to be honest. At first we were growing as friends."

There's a slight hint of grief, just the slightest, as he continues, "She was my wingman when I fell hard for Blondie. That was embarrassing, but it all ended up working out—especially once I did fall for her too. Back then, our short time together as a... whatever we were... was probably the happiest I'd been in my life. Didn't think I'd see her again—I'm incredibly lucky to be with her again."

He sighs, "...And I really actually enjoy getting to meet all the weird-ass people she introduces me to. I'm no social butterfly, but it can be fun, traveling around like we do. I, uh, do hope we can settle down at some point though."

(His eyes shift away from you for a moment and there's a light blush on his cheeks. Seems that settling down would involve him asking a very important question that he happens to be avoiding.)

"Ahem, I hope you weren't expecting to learn any private details about my relationship with them. Let's just say that I am very satisfied with where I am right now."

#[doomed by the narrative; world 7]#[prying eyes; asks]#[pack tactics; merylverse]#[a shadow of myself; full of mercy]#[this could be the day i die for you; misplacedreporter]#[ghosts in the shadows; anonymous]

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tracingpatternswrites · 2 years

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mutuals you’re thankful for in 2022?

Hello little Mouse! This is quite a question, y'know. Generally I don't like doing these things because I get so anxious that I'm going to forget someone. However, aside from the fact that I really am thankful for every single one of my mutuals (you're all awesome and I don't know what I've done to deserve you all), let me give a little special shoutout to a few who absolutely has made my 2022 happier (in no particular order).

@heartofspells: I'm so so happy that I had a brave moment and slid into your DMs to ask if you wanted to collaborate on something for the Wolfstar Bingo. Writing Family on the Mend was such a highlight of my year and I had so much fun doing it. You're such an incredible writer and so generous with your amazing brain and all the ideas you come up with. You make me a better writer and I'm grateful for that.

@fonkeloog: I will never be able to thank you enough for inviting me into the Chaos Chat. It improved my 2022 with about 120% (at least). I love your poems and the way you make me laugh, how generous you are with yourself and how kind and excited you are. You're such an amazing person and I'm frankly just lucky I've got to know you.

@narcissa-black-supermacy: Dani Dani Dani. You have opened doors for me in 2022 that I didn't I know I needed (or wanted) to open. I'm in absolute awe of what an incredible writer you are (you have made me cry so much) and so grateful for how you excitedly have cheered me on as I've travelled outside of my comfort zone to write things I didn't know I was capable of. You make me laugh so much, have such interesting HCs and I could discuss the Black family with you for hours.

@squintclover: Rory, my love. I cannot believe how lucky I was to get paired with you for the MUWF adventure, not only because you're a joy to work with but it also allowed us to get to know each other better. You are so sweet and kind and such an incredibly talented writer. You're also so generous with feedback and comments and I'm so grateful for how you encourage and cheer me on.

@broomsticks: Jackie my love! The absolute Queen of Comments. I'm absolutely in awe of you and how generous you are with feedback and how you manage to leave thoughtful comments on everything. I can't begin to tell you how much your comments have meant to me this year. Also, I'm so happy to have you to bounce ideas off, so grateful for all the encouragement you send my way and how you help twist my twisted ideas just a little bit further.

Everyone in the sprint room on the Writers' Guild Server: Too many people to name honestly but without this chaotic group of people and the screaming and the sprints I wouldn't have got half the writing done in 2022 year that I have.

Ah, okay, I'm sure I've forgotten someone and there are so many of you out there that have made 2022 better for me. Those of you who have left comments on my work, those of you who have written things that has made me feel so much and generously shared your ideas and talent with the world.

Let's continue in 2023!

#some fandom love #mal's asks #anon asks #fandom love

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hsenvs3000w23 · 2 years

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My Sense of Place and Connection with Nature

My current relationship with nature is very strong, I would say I enjoy my time most when I am outside directly with nature. I think this connection grew as a young child as I have a family cottage, not too far from Bancroft Ontario, and have spent a great deal of time growing up here. From as long as I can remember I have spent time fishing, hiking, swimming, and any other outdoor activities you could think of at my cottage. Although I have always enjoyed spending time fishing off the dock or canoeing through the lake, I did not realise until I started my degree that I am so lucky to have already spent so much time with nature.

According to the text, Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage for a Better World, a “sense of place” can be a location that offers a strong personal connection to the place. I can confidently say I have felt a “sense of place” at my cottage. Specifically, I would say my Dad has offered this to me as he introduced me to my cottage and has done so many activities with me here. It is where I go to feel the true version of myself, as well as where I go to have fun and deal with hard times. I feel the most connected to my cottage when I am in the middle of the lake on a boat or canoe because it puts the world into perspective and reminds me of the big picture.

In addition to spending ample time at my cottage I also had the opportunity of being a part of the BIOL 4410 Field Ecology Course with the University of Guelph. I participated in this course this past summer and spent two weeks in a cabin with my fellow classmates in Algonquin Park. This experience only strengthened my relationship with nature, allowing me to feel connected and united with my environment. During this course I felt a sense of place to be at Algonquin Park, I learned that the location is more than just a landscape and offers so much more. There was so many people responsible for this feeling, such as the professor, the TA and even fellow classmates. The beautiful scenery not only offers a place of joy, but it also felt refreshing. I learned that being outdoors is a place where I can feel myself and experience a deeper pleasure with the incredible scenery that our earth has to offer.

Lastly, I would like to mention one more location where I have felt a deep connection with nature and where I have felt a sense of place, this being Alberta. Thanks to a friend of mine that lives here, I was able to go visit for a few days. I traveled to Canmore, Alberta over reading week last February. I felt an overwhelming connection with nature when standing on top of Sulphur Mountain. This was an entire landscape I have never seen before, and you could see an entire city from my stance, which was incredible I felt like it was more than just a place because I was completely stress free and content with my life.

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wheretheivystillgrows · 1 year

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I’m in Europe right now!

I’m here with my family, traveling to different cities. I’m enjoying it so much. I recently started a new medication and stopped two of my older ones that were hurting me. This new one along with medications for my stomach have done incredible things for me. I’ve been able to have pizza without being sick for 4 days afterwards, I’ve had gelato and chocolate and cheese and my body is somehow able to handle it now. It’s crazy! It makes me want to cry. It’s been 7 years of this. 7 years of missing out on family experiences, family dinner, family trips, and just happiness in general. I should be crazy, crazy sick right now even just from the food I’ve had. Usually I would be incapacitated from eating even one of those things. Today I have a migraine, but it’s the first intense one since this trip started, which was about two weeks ago. I’m sore throughout my body, but not as sore as usual. My stomach pain and nausea have been worse today, but still mild compared to my usual pain I had before these medications. I went on a tour through Zürich, Switzerland and it was so beautiful. The sights were beautiful, but it was also very beautiful and healing for me to be able to do something like that without crashing 30 minutes into it. By the end of the tour (it was like 4 hours-ish, I think), everyone was exhausted but I wasn’t as tired and painfully sore as I usually am after going somewhere like the mall. My doctors haven’t diagnosed me but are basically treating me for fibromyalgia, migraines, weird mysterious stomach issues, and depression. All of those thing seem to have gotten significantly better since I started the newest medication like 3 weeks ago. My family is so happy for me, but if we’re being honest, no one can truly understand what this means to me unless they’ve been through it themselves. I’ve been isolated and robbed of soooo much, and I’m finally getting to live again, finally getting to genuinely smile and laugh again. It’s always scary for me to have hope bc for some reason, in the past I always seemed to be punished for thinking that maybe I could be whole someday and my body would just torture me even more. But, I can’t but feel hopeful this time. Tentative hope, but it’s still there. There’s still so much fear that I’m carrying that probably most people with chronic illnesses carry. A lot of fear, anger, hopelessness, sadness, trauma, anxiety, should I go on? Lol. But I’m gonna work on it, I promise. At least I have medical support now for depression so that should help me as well.

Anyway, here are some pictures I took in Switzerland:

Switzerland is the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life. I am so lucky to be here and to be able to enjoy it with my family.

Yesterday, it rained all day long and we were all so tired. So we just slept in and chilled all day. I sat on the hotel patio, listened to music and read. The light rain was so calming and it was cooler than the past few days had been and it smelled so good and fresh. That was exactly what I needed to rest and recuperate a little bit of my strength (and sanity).

I think I want to do like a post about my interests and about who I am outside of my illness. Of course, I’m the only one reading this right now, but i think would be fun for me and also I want to remind myself that there is more to me than being sick and depressed. I’m not like this super cool person that everyone wants to be around at all times lol, but maybe I’ll find some people here that enjoy similar things and we can be friends.

Okay, well, that’s all for today folks. Tune in next time ;)

— Love, Ivy 🌱

#chronic illness #migraines #ibs #depression

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nicolemossmer · 2 years

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I felt that Sontag’s first essay, “In Plato’s Cave,” was blemished by the problematic ethnic stereotype statements and strong takes that lacked the necessary nuance to make a convincing argument. One statement that was particularly alarming to me was her explanation of the increase of use in tourist’ photography. On page 10, Sontag points out the photography habits of a select few cultural groups, “Germans, Japanese and Americans” who she believes are. “handicapped by a ruthless work ethic,” and “have to pretend that they have something to do that is like a friendly imitation of work: they can take pictures.” As a multi-racial woman, who identifies with both my Japanese German ethnicity and American culture, I found this particularly offensive. Especially given the “model minority” stereotype of Asian Americans who have continued to suffer from this white perception that all Asians are the same and love to work is incredibly harmful to our community.

Sontag’s view is elitist and racist in nature. Not only does the addition of this quote not add anything substantive to her essay but it essentially states that these communities are actually unable to take pictures and enjoy the art form. This is especially concerning given the fact that Sontag is a white woman, who is not a person of color. Therefore, she lacks the perspective and experience to be able to speak for this community. I also took issue with her statements surrounding the use of photography as capturing moments of history. On page 11, she states that “photography is essentially an act of non-intervention” and criticizes photographers of war and other horrors. She criticizes photographers who choose to take photos during events of disaster instead of helping save someone’s life. This comment really undermines the power and importance of journalism in photography and further unveils her overwhelming privilege. Sontag’s elitist views are embedded in this essay and overwhelm any meaningful messages that could have potentially been taken away from this piece.

I also felt an air of that same elitism when watching, “The Allegory of the Cave.” I think the story is very interesting and fun to follow but the metaphor itself essentially seems to say that people who are “enlightened” or know the truth about things should be expected to not be believed. I think that this inherently puts people into two different categories. I can;t help but think of the book, “The Racial Contract,” which discusses the divide amongst white and “non-whites” and how white people have throughout history seen themselves as human and everyone else as “subhuman.” This of course has had long lasting effects on gatekeeping bi-poc communities from education, arts and other great things that took place during the enlightenment era. I cannot help but think of this idea of the enlightened vs. the not enlightened as really just a separation of those who were educated (wealthy, white men) and those who were not (bi-poc, women, poorer classes).

Despite my criticism of the previous two assigned videos/readings, I felt almost the opposite way about Glover’s ‘10 Myths about the Rule of Thirds’. I really enjoyed the “demystification” on how to guide art composition. I particularly enjoyed “Myth #4, it gets the object out of the center.” I am someone who loves pictures in the center of the frame. I think that it is visually appealing to me as I really enjoy “weight balance” and symmetry in my photography. Glover was able to explain how to use the ‘Rule of Thirds’ without having to abide by overly rigid rules. I chose a picture of myself, an ethnically Japanese-German American born tourist in Europe as my picture. I was lucky enough to travel around the world to play tennis in high school and I am so grateful for all of the pictures that I took. I took this picture not because I did not know how to have fun or know what to do with myself but because I wanted to be able to look back on these memories and relive these moments. This picture was one of many that I had taken in this exact same spot. Of all fifty pictures that I took, this one was the most aesthetically pleasing to me. Although Glover argues against the idea that the human eye naturally gravitates to the intersection points, from my own perspective I think that the center subject(s) of this image falling at the intersections of the lines is what has helped make this picture interesting to me, I am curious in what others may think about this image.

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cordeliaeli · 2 years

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For my two favorite guys on Christmas...

You never know how special Christmas is going to be until you get to spend it with people that mean the world to you. These last few years I forgot what the sparkle behind Christmas truly was until you walked back into my life. Now, I know it didn't go off with a perfect hitch, and this is definitely a far better remembered Christmas than last, but you've given Rosalyn and I the most precious gift of all, something that I didn't know I would ever have. Christmas with family and Christmas with those who love us. There are some things I will never be able to repay, verbalize, or thank you enough for giving not only me but my daughter. The way you've opened your home, your life, and your heart to a little girl that isn't yours and shown her what it means to be cared about by someone else. For someone who shows up without question, you've made these last several months some of the best I've had in a long time. You're an incredibly special person, Cage, and I'm so lucky to call you mine.

For you, I know you don't necessarily drink all the time but these topographic glasses just hit me as something you would like. They're different places and landscapes of areas of the US and who knows, maybe you've traveled near some of them, but I figured you could break these out when wanting to have a little special drink. The gloves and jacket are something I've been told everyone needs in their outdoors arsenal. The gloves are all-season wax coated that you can grab a burning log, stick your hand into the snow, or work around without worry of temperature or environment. The jacket is a fleece lined wax trucker jacket that apparently ages like a fine leather over time the more you wear it and beat it up. Figure when you're working outdoor on some of your wooden projects it will keep you warm, save and will give you that gorgeous cowboy look that will become one of a kind that as it is moved, creased, and bent will wear into its own unique pattern. I couldn't resist getting you a little gadget after those long workouts, runs, or practices with Colton to loosen up tight muscles -- when I'm not there to help with that, of course. Lastly, I am fully expecting a full on show with some festive boxer briefs that I couldn't pass up, we'll save them for after the kids go to sleep.

For Colton, I'm incredibly new to buying for teenagers, so I went the practical route for things he's going to need to be impressing all the boys in his grade and making the girls swoon. Everyone needs their own varsity style jacket, at least until he gets his own varsity jacket in his years to come, this is just giving him a head start to walk around wearing one proudly. I did splurge and get him, hopefully, his first pair of aviator Ray-bans, because who doesn't need a pair of those when the summer comes around. They're something that can grow with him and become a staple to keep around for years to come, I hope. Lastly, I couldn't not get him something fun, and apparently these are all the 'cool' rage right now. An ultra-mini pocket projector that can turn the wall in his room, or the side of the house, or wherever he likes into his own little movie theater, whether to watch Tik Toks, stream/play video games, or watch movies, I figured this is something he can carry around and impress all his friends when they're out and looking for something to do. I apologize now for all the places he'll probably end up trying to use this projector in now but hopefully he will get full use out of it.

To the future Christmas's we'll share together, watching the kids grow and become their own, to spending time with your family and knowing that I'm finally part of something special because you're apart of my life again. Thank you for walking back into my life when I needed you most, not only as a friend, but a partner. And to Christmas late night fun later in those boxer briefs. @cagenewman

All our love always,

Cordelia and Rosalyn

#✧ * º • — the manner of giving ⎧gifts to.⎫#✧ * º • — filling up the empty space ⎧cage.⎫#✧ * º • — fell for those ocean eyes ⎧cage newman.⎫

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