#like I get so sad about how desperate she was in the last few books and still STILL

[onaperduamedee]

"It is hard to exist. Man is a knot into which relationships are tied, and my ties serve me hardly at all. What is this in me that has broken down? What is the secret of substitutions? Whence comes it that a gesture, a word, can give rise to endless ripples in a human destiny? Whence comes it that in other circumstances I should be overwhelmed by what seems to me now remote and abstract?”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras (tr. Lewis Galantière)

For a maybe Moiraine meta, I was looking for a completely different quote from Flight to Arras about the expectation of death in battle when I landed on this one and UH.

Ever since I finished FoH, I regularly get hit by waves of sorrow thinking about how desperate and isolated she grew in the two last books. About how frayed her ties to the people who she may have cared about. About how fruitless her legacy must have seemed (her cramming Rand's mind with a lifetime of knowledge because she knew that was the only thing she could give him now). About how uncertain the utility of her sacrifice was.

As she crossed the doorway and burnt, did she experience regret? Relief? Resentment? Even hope?

It's not even her death that hurts. It's witnessing her actions and words up to that moment, and inferring what must have been her true, unveiled state of mind.

Light, my chest feels hollow.

[reiding-writing]

since you are a person of angst, i was thinking about spencer x reader where in the heat of an argument, spencer says he will only forgive her when she dies.

so in one of the cases the reader is shot by spencer and sighs "now you can finally forgive me"

happy or sad ending, whatever you want

muah 💘

forgiven — s.reid

Summary:

You lied to him with good intentions, but when he finds out the truth he says something detrimental in the heat of the moment. After weeks of radio silence any chance of reconciliation is almost lost after you get critically injured in the field.

WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR IAN DOYLE ARC, harsh arguments, death wishes, gun mentions, major character injury, details of gun related injury, happy ending

spencer reid x gn!reader || ANGST || 3.7k || masterlist!!

a/n: left the ending up to majority vote and majority vote said happy ending, you guys are so boring /j

happy ending or not this is still nice and jam packed with angst for all my angst enjoyers <3

Emily Prentiss had been buried for seven months.

So how on earth was she stood five feet away from Spencer with a half guilty expression on her face like she’d put salt in his coffee rather than the fact that she’d been in Paris, fully alive and well whilst he mourned her ‘death’ for months.

But he couldn’t be mad at her. Of course he couldn’t.

Instead his gaze turned towards the way Hotch, JJ, and you were stood at the head of the table, completely unfazed whilst the rest of the team stood in shock at the fact that the friend that they’d buried was still alive.

He couldn’t help that small feeling of loathing mixing with the shock when Emily pulled him into a hug, his arms loosely rested around her back as his eyes narrowed slightly in your direction.

He’d let you see him at his absolute worst, an emotional, crying, pathetic mess of a person who was desperately mourning over the loss of one of his closest friends.

And you’d let him. Whilst knowing that Emily was still alive.

His emotional state had gotten so bad over the last few months that you’d even temporarily moved him in with you to make sure he wasn’t endangering himself.

He’d spiralled into a state where he couldn’t be trusted to live on his own. And you’d let him.

He didn’t speak to you during your drive home that night, and you knew why.

You knew he was going to be angry at you, and you couldn’t blame him for it.

What you didn’t expect, was for him to immediately start unrooting himself from your apartment; Clearing out drawers and stuffing his clothes in the suitcase hidden in one of the cupboards.

“Spencer what are you doing-” You barely manage to step out of the way before Spencer walked right into you with an armful of books in his hands as he pulled them from the bookshelf in your living room.

He stacks them neatly in the corner of the open case laid on top of his bed as you stand in the doorway of your guest room turned Spencer’s bedroom, clear concern written all over your face.

“I’m going home.” Spencer’s reply is blunt, flat, with the tiniest amount of hurt lacing his tone if you were to listen closely enough.

“Spence-” You block his exit from the room with your body as he attempts to make a second trip to clear your shelves of his books. “Can we just take a second to talk about this?”

“About what? The fact that you lied to me for seven months?” He takes a step back from you as you block the doorway, looking you directly in the eyes to make sure that you could read every semblance of hurt, loathing, and betrayal that swam in his irises.

“The fact that I trusted you to the point where I let you see me at my lowest and you knew everything I was grieving over was a lie?” Spencer had given up trying to leave the room, clearing out anything left in the bedroom instead and zipping the suitcase shut.

“The fact that you let me spiral to the point where I was considering relapsing and couldn’t be trusted to live on my own?”

“Spencer-”

“I confided in you. I told you everything. All those nights I spent sobbing in your arms talking about how I just wanted the pain to stop and you left me in the dark.” He was borderline shouting at you by now, his eyes glassed over with tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks and a lump in his throat that rended his composure shattered.

“I wish I could’ve told you Spencer but I couldn’t-”

“You couldn’t?” Spencer cuts you off before you have the time to try and explain yourself. “Or you wouldn’t?”

“I couldn’t- Spence I wanted to tell you I really did but Emily’s life was in danger-” You try to explain yourself whilst he’s giving you the time to do so, words falling out of your mouth as fast as your brain will let them form. “I couldn’t say anything without risking breaking her cover and sending her right back into Doyle’s grasp..”

“What about my life?” Spencer’s voice cracked slightly as he looked at you, a light flush covering his face from his frustration. “I spent ten weeks under 24/7 supervision because my mental state was so bad-”

“You know me. You know I wouldn’t have said anything. And you let me ruin my own mental state anyway.” The end of his negation of your explanation is marked by the suitcases wheels hitting the wooden flooring.

“Look i’m sorry okay? I didn’t-”

“What? didn’t mean to let it go so far? Didn’t mean to let me consider relapsing and washing any progress i’d made over the last four years down the drain?” He pushes past you with considerable force to make his way towards the front door of your apartment with his suitcase in hand. “Well it’s too late for that isn’t it?”

“Spencer wait-” You grasp at his wrist in a moment of desperation, silently begging for him not to leave. “I’m sorry,”

“I’m so, so sorry and you have every right to be angry at me and I know that keeping it from you was wrong-” Your desperation shows through your voice, through the stray tear that rolls down your left cheek and pools under your chin. “Just- let’s talk about this, please,”

“We just did.” Spencer’s voice is much harsher than you’re used to, although he removes your hand from his wrist with a whisper of his usual gentle nature that you wish would take over the rest of his personality as he pulls your door open to leave.

“I was just trying to protect her-” Your voice hitches at the end of your sentence, stray tears turning into a steady flow that dapples your white shirt in damp circles. “..please forgive me…”

Your voice is hardly a whisper by the time you’re finished, although Spencer’s expression does not match the softness in your tone.

Nor does his response.

“I’ll forgive you when you’re six feet under like she was.”

“Spencer-”

You barely have time to be shocked by his words before the front door of your apartment is closed harshly in your face, Spencer’s presence replaced by the ghost of his cologne and a sharp coldness that runs its way up your spine.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It’d been three weeks.

And aside from asking Morgan to keep an eye on him you hadn’t so much as mentioned Spencer once.

It was a little difficult considering his desk was directly opposite yours, but a mix of wanting to respect his personal space and still being hurt by his comment allows you to keep to yourself no matter how close he was.

You’re thankful that the team hasn’t said anything, but you’re sure they’ll only respect your privacy until it interferes with the case you’re working on.

Emily had tried to talk Spencer down from his underlying anger to no avail during the plane ride, and despite the countless times that Hotch had taken full responsibility for keeping Emily’s living status a secret, it didn’t stop Spencer from sending you half-glares across the station or refuting any suggestion you gave with an overcomplicated explanation of why you were wrong.

By the fourth day you were on the verge of snapping at him, the Texas heat melding with his snark and making you want to tear all of your skin from your face.

You definitely weren’t in the right mental state to enter an active shooter situation, but as you followed Morgan into the building with your 9mm planted firmly between your hands, all you could think about is the conversation you were going to force Spencer into having with you once all of this was over.

You were so tired of being in this stalemate with him, you just wanted your Spencer back.

The one who would trap you on your couch so he could explain the Doctor Who lore in explicit detail with that bright starry look in his eyes the longer you let him ramble.

It was just radio silence. And you couldn’t bare it anymore.

Your mind was clouded by your own thoughts as you swept the building, and you suppose you only have yourself to blame for not hearing the unfamiliar footsteps behind you until it’s too late.

You turn on your heels towards the noise, expecting it to be Morgan or even Spencer, finished with sweeping the floor and ready to move on.

Instead you’re met by a sharp bang that rings through your ears and a pain in your throat that makes your breath catch and your legs fail underneath you.

Your left hand comes straight to your throat, immediately coated in the dark red liquid escaping from the new hole created in your body, and you manage to fire a shot in the direction of your assailant as he runs, although whether you actually hit him or not you’re not sure.

It takes less than ten seconds for your team members to arrive at your side, and you desperately point in the direction that the UnSub had ran off in as you try and refrain from coughing up blood and in turn flooding your lungs.

Morgan and Emily share a look before running off in your pointed direction. Spencer however, ignores your arm completely and rushes to kneel at your side, dropping his gun on the floor in the process and frantically holding the radio button on his watch to yell out his need for medical services.

“You’re going to be fine- Everything’s going to be fine-” You can practically feel the panic emanating from his body, his hands trembling as he tugged his bullet proof vest from his chest to tear at the hem of his shirt and use it to block the bullet hole in your throat as your hand compression weakened with your blood loss.

You can tell he was trying to reassure you, but it didn’t sound all that convincing, even to himself.

His right hand added a copious amount of pressure to the front of your throat as he aided you into the recovery position, checking the nape of your neck for an exit wound. Nothing.

A soft “two minutes” echoes back through the radio speaker in his watch and though he tries to mutter it under his breath to not freak you out any further, you can hear his uncertain “that’s too long,” even through the tinnitus plaguing your ears.

You cough up the clotted chunks of oxidised blood stuck in your oesophagus onto the floor beneath you, and Spencer makes an effort to protect your head from the floor by elevating it on his thigh.

“You’re going to be fine-” Spencer sounds more panicked than you as his eyes blink with tears, unable to be wiped as they fall down his cheeks from the red staining against his fingers and the ever present pressure he’s adding to your injury.

“Does this mean you’re going to forgive me now?” You choke out the words alongside what could barely be considered a laugh as it leaves you hacking up more blood through your mouth, your attempt at lightening the mood falling on deaf ears as it sends Spencer into a fit of tears.

“I’m so sorry-” Spencer’s tears run hot against his cheeks, pooling at his chin and falling onto the ripped fabric of his shirt he was using to try and stop your throat from bleeding. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you and barging out and just being awful to you I’m sorry-”

The distinct sounds of sirens sound over Spencer’s profuse apology and you can see the relief flood his face as he hears them. “You hear that? You’re gonna be okay, they’re gonna get you to a hospital and you’re gonna be fine,”

He nodded determinedly at you, more like he’s trying to convince himself than convince you.

He neglected to tell you about the fact that gunshot wounds to the neck held a 78% mortality rate, or how when they obstruct major airways that number jumps to 92%.

It was fine. You would be fine.

He can hear the pounding footsteps of the medical team as they breach the building, yelling out in their direction with as much composure as he can muster.

He helped the medical team carefully position you on a stretcher so they could rush you into the ambulance, and he runs alongside you, giving the EMTs as much information as he can.

“They were shot by a 7.5mm two minutes and forty seconds ago, it breached their trachea but there’s no exit wound so it’s likely lodged in the back of their oesophagus-” Spencer speaks through heaved breaths as his body fights to take in oxygen over his will to help the EMTs treat you as quickly as possible, following them into the back of the ambulance.

“They’ve been conscious the whole time this far but I think they’re going through pulmonary edema and-”

“Spence-” Your voice is barely audible through your struggle to breathe, joined by the pressure on your throat as well as under your diaphragm as one of the EMTs checks for signs of your lungs being flooded. “Don’t backseat doctor-”

The fact that you’re still conscious enough to lightly chastise him makes Spencer feel a little less panicked, although removing a pebble from a mountain doesn’t affect its height.

By the time you reach the hospital, you’re unconscious but not yet critical, and he almost follows you right into the OR until he’s blocked from the door by one of the nurses and escorted into the waiting area.

“Well let you know the second anything changes Dr Reid,”

He nods hastily as he sits down, fiddling with his fingers and tapping his feet against the linoleum floors.

You weren’t critical yet, but that didn’t mean that you’d pull through. You had flooded lungs and a bullet lodged somewhere in the back of your throat that they were going to surgically remove.

If something went wrong, that was it.

Spencer spends the first thirty minutes mentally beating himself up.

Why did he lash out at you? You were only doing what you thought was best to protect Emily.

Why did he say he’d only forgive you if you died? You didn’t mean to cause him any harm.

Why was he constantly managing to ruin anything positive that was happening between the two of you?

Maybe he was cursed.

Cursed to live a life of eternal suffering as the perpetual cost for the gift of his intelligence.

He would give up every IQ point he had if it meant that you would recover with no complications.

He would sacrifice his eidetic memory in an instant if it meant he got to make new ones with you.

He’d give up everything that he was prided on as long as you were okay. You needed to be okay.

The next forty-five minutes was spent in an anxious silence. The team had rushed to the hospital as soon as they’d secured the UnSub’s incarceration, only amplifying the tension in the waiting area.

As the nurse calls out your name to the room, the team immediately stands to rush over, everyone silently praying that you’re okay.

“We’re glad to say that the surgery was a success,”

Those words are enough for the anxiety to dwindle in the group, a wave of relief overtaking it.

“They’ve had to have a temporary tracheotomy, and due to the placement of the bullet lodged between their vertebrae, a spinal excision, but both procedures progressed with no issues, meaning they should recover perfectly fine,”

Morgan and Emily share a audible sigh of relief, overshadowed by Spencer’s voice, less anxious but still filled with adrenaline. “Can I see them?”

“They’re currently under supervised care to make sure they don’t destabilise, but if you leave your mobile number we will contact you when they wake,” The nurse passes Spencer a small post it note and a biro pen from her clip board and he doesn’t hesitate to scribble his name and number down before handing them back.

“They’re strong, most patients don’t remain conscious for more than a minute or two after an injury like that,” The nurse takes the pen and post it from Spencer with a small smile. “I have full faith that they’ll recover perfectly fine,”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Spencer extends his stay in Texas indefinitely.

The rest of the team had left for Quantico two days ago to file out all of the necessary paperwork for the case, with Spencer opting to remain in Texas until you were fit to fly home with him.

Home. He wonders if you’ll let him come home with you. To stay with you in your apartment again and live side by side with him once more.

Maybe he can convince you through your recovery; That patients recovering with spinal injuries need 24/7 attention just in case something happens.

Yeah. That sounded like a good idea.

Spencer’s plans for taking you home were interrupted by the shrill ring of his cellphone, the screen lighting up with an unknown number.

His heart rate increases as he picks the phone up from his hotel room’s coffee table, his hands trembling by the time he holds it up to his ear. “Hello?”

“McAllen County Hospital, am I speaking to Doctor Spencer Reid?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Spencer is in his rental car almost before he hangs up the phone, driving the speed limit as he tries to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

He runs what he’s going to say when he sees you over and over again in his head on the way there, but by the time he reaches your hospital room his mind goes completely blank, and he just stands in the door staring at you.

“Hello to you too,” Your voice is very clearly strained and raspy, still recovering from the emergency tracheotomy you’d been given during surgery.

The sound of your voice, as dry and strained as it is, immediately sends Spencer into a fit of tears, and he rushes to take a seat on the plastic chair beside your bed with the most upset, regretful expression you think you’ve ever seen. “I’m so sorry,”

“Spence…” You reach out your hand out from the hospital bed, laying it against his lower thigh and squeezing it lightly.

“I shouldn’t have lashed out at you I know you were doing what’s right and I didn’t mean what I said I don’t want you to die I promise-” He takes in a sharp breath through his nose once he’s finished his ramble, and you wait a few seconds to make sure he’s actually finished before speaking yourself.

“You’re fine Spence…” Your hand trails up to grasp at his own, intertwining your fingers with his and giving them a small squeeze. “You had every right to be angry,”

Spencer shakes his head adamantly at you. “No, i’m sorry. What I said was wrong and you didn’t deserve that,”

Spencer exhales softly through his nose, his voice wavering and his hands trembling against your own. “Can you forgive me..?”

You question whether to make a joke about whether he’s close to dying or not, but opt out of it considering his fragile emotional state.

“How about we both forgive each other and call it even?” You let out a small chuckle at the end of your question, turning into more of a cough as it dries out your throat, and Spencer grabs the glass of water left on your bedside table with his free hand.

He holds it up to let you drink from it rather than unlinking your hands to let you hold the cup yourself, placing the styrofoam back down once you’re finished.

You give him a mildly embarrassed smile that he returns with one of his own, leaning forward to gently rest his forehead against yours.

If you weren’t recovering from a spinal surgery he would’ve had you in a bone crushing hug by now, but holding your hand and leaning his forehead to yours would suffice for now.

“Forgiven?” You allow your eyes to flutter closed at the soft contact, exhaling slowly through your nose.

“Forgiven…”

[axiina]

PLSSS soft corio comforting reader after they get he saves her(or them idm) from the arena after she tried to say a proper goodbye to her tribute (kinda like sejanus) but maybe she gets hurt and super traumatized but hes there for her idk

If I Killed Someone for You

Pairing: Coriolanus Snow x capitol!reader (gender neutral)

Summary: It wasn't supposed to end this way. You just wanted to say goodbye to your tribute, Lamina. Luckily, your boyfriend was there and made sure you didn't get hurt. Just why do you look at him differently now?

Words: 1.5k

Themes: hurt with comfort, a bit of fluff but also angst

Warnings: slight spoilers to movie and book, small changes to canon, Pup isn't Lamina's mentor, character's death, murder, a bit of trauma, blood, comforting, a bit of argument, death, overthinking, reader feels guilty about situation, referring reader as 'you'

Author's note: Lamina deserved better so you are her mentor, fuck this idiot Pup.

It was supposed to be fluff, but it came out a bit sad and traumatic. We got a soft Coriolanus, leaving aside the fact that he killed someone in the process. Enjoy!!

It was a pure act of desperation.

You just wanted to tell Lamina what you hadn't managed to do before. You had grown close to the young girl, who was horrified by what was happening. The very fact that she was in the arena, alone, without any support was driving you crazy.

She didn't deserve what happened to her. You hoped that maybe Lamina would be able to win and would be able to return home to the family she missed so much.

With each hour of the Hunger Games, her chances seemed to get smaller and smaller. For those few days, you sat like you were on pins and needles staring at the big screen at the Academy. After a while, the helplessness returned and you had to try not to cry in front of the cameras.

Lamina did not deserve it. None of the tributes deserved it. You did everything you could to make Lamina feel as comfortable as possible during the meetings and her stay at the Capitol. In the arena, you tried your best to make sure she wasn't hungry or thirsty. You didn't want her to get hurt. That, however, was not enough. Seeing a boy from her district, Treetch, joining another group made you feel anxious.

"What if they kill her? What if he betrays her…" This thought ran through your head repeatedly like a mantra.

She became weaker and weaker every day.

Your last meeting was too short. You didn't have time to say goodbye to her properly. You wanted her to know that even though you were physically somewhere else, your heart and thoughts were with her, at the arena. You had to say goodbye to her. You wouldn't forgive yourself if Lamina died without hearing a proper goodbye.

That's why you decided to see her one last time. Under cover of darkness, you crept into the arena in disguise and quietly snuck under the beam where Lamina was. Perhaps foolish and reckless, but you didn't think about the consequences. Ever since the girl got to the arena you couldn't find a place. You slept only short naps and didn't even want to meet Coriolanus, who was getting more and more worried about you.

While you were at the arena, every now and then you looked nervously around to the sides to see if anyone was coming. Lamina was surprised when you showed up. It was all surreal and you felt as if you were detached from reality. As soon as you saw Lamina you started crying. You both cried. Now the knowledge of how dangerous the arena was came to you like a powerful punch. She can't die. You don't remember what exactly you told her. You don't know if you said anything that made sense to her at all. The adrenaline made your mind kind of foggy. However, you know that it lifted her spirits. She knew you were with her and supporting her. You don't know exactly how much you were in the arena.

Everything happened so fast when Coriolanus grabbed your arm. Your brain didn't even register the fact that the boy appeared there practically out of nowhere. He looked terrified. He spoke quickly and incoherently. You only understood as he begged you to run away from there, because at any moment someone might come out of the tunnels and kill you. You were frozen with panic when it came to you. They hate the Capitol. They hate you too, and they certainly wouldn't think twice before killing you. Your fear was increased when Lamina's eyes widened in horror and only one word came out of her mouth.

Run.

Tributes began to leave the tunnels. As soon as they noticed that there were two mentors in the arena they started running towards you. Because of the adrenaline in your veins, you don't remember much of what happened next. You and Coriolanus ran as fast as you could when Coral, Mizzen, Tanner and Bobbin chased you while holding objects in their hands that could be the cause of your upcoming death.

The next scene that stuck in your mind was when your boyfriend hit one of the tributes on the head with a wooden plank. The boy fell down, and Coriolanus, without thinking much, hit him a second time. Then another and another. You looked at the body of Bobbin lying lifeless and Snow standing over him, unable to get a single word out. Your heart was raging and your head was spinning, feeling fear. You were terrified.

You couldn't tell what was the reason. The fact that you had just nearly died in the arena, or…. no, it couldn't have been that. He was merely trying to defend you. Yes, that was definitely the reason. Coriolanus is not a murderer, he was just…. he was terrified and acted emotionally. Bobbin would have killed him if Coryo hadn't done it first. Then you would have been next in line. Yes, that's what would have happened.

Both of you were injured, but at that moment it didn't even cross your mind to ask him how he was feeling. The Peace Keepers almost carried you out of there. Your parents were as terrified as you were. By the time you were sitting in your room wrapped in a blanket as your mother hugged you crying something finally hit you. You could have died. Your family would have been devastated. Your friends and…Coriolanus. Well, exactly, Coriolanus. He almost died because of your fault. Your stupidity and recklessness. Now he is injured and probably suffering, and you are not there with him. After what happened you didn't even say a stupid thank you to him.

"What were you even thinking! You could have died there! Did you even think about your loved ones? About me? What would have happened to me if you had died there? If I didn't get there in time!" Coriolanus repeated walking in circles around the empty classroom, the next morning. You had your head bent down, and tears were running down your cheeks. How could you do something like that?

Coriolanus sighed and sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, pulling you closer.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't yell like that. You're probably still terrified. I was just…scared. I was scared that I would lose you."

It seemed to you that his voice cracked as the boy pressed his cheek against your head.

"Don't do that again. Don't scare me like that. If you had died I wouldn't have forgiven myself. I wouldn't be able to live normally." He whispered in your ear with a trembling voice.

"I'm here, love. I will always be until you have had enough of me. Although, most likely, even then I won't give you a break." A quiet, slightly trembling chuckle left his lips, at which you also smiled involuntarily.

"Enough of you? Never." you replied in an amused voice gently pulling away, but still remaining in his embrace. "I'm sorry, Coryo…I'm so terribly sorry for you. I just wanted to say goodbye to Lamina. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I don't want her-"

"Shhh, it's okay." Coriolanus rested his forehead against yours and took your face in his hands gently stroking your cheeks. "It is past. The most important thing is that we came out of it alive. Lamina is also alive and relatively well, excluding the circumstances."

"Thank you, Coryo. Thank you for everything. For saving me that night and that you do not resent me for it." You whispered, trying not to cry. You nuzzled your cheek into his palm and placed a gentle kiss on it.

Coriolanus' face moved closer to yours and he gently brushed your lips with his own as if he was afraid he would frighten you.

"I am angry at you. Earlier even furious, but I love you too much to stay mad at you." Coryo gently rubbed his nose against yours and looked into your eyes.

His beautiful blue eyes. Cold, but at the same time it makes you feel at home. Eyes that yesterday were raging and at one point…full of hatred.

Your smile slowly disappeared as you remembered what happened to Bobbin.

"Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday-" you started uncertainly, but Coriolanus cut you off.

"No." His voice seemed cold and in a moment you were embarrassed and your heart beat faster. You were the reason he had to do it, and now you're reminding him of it. Maybe he thinks you are blaming it on him.

Your thoughts, however, were interrupted by your boyfriend's voice. Softer this time.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to do it, but it was stronger than me…Please don't hate me. I love you and I did it for you too."

His eyes were glassy and he seemed panicked. You shook your head in denial and took his hand in yours bringing it close to your lips and kissed his knuckles.

"No, you're a good person, Coryo. Nothing has changed. I continue to love you, and you only proved me during the night that I couldn't find a better one."

Coriolanus wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead.

"You know you don't have to…you don't have to be afraid of me. I wouldn't hurt you. Never."

You froze for a brief moment. It was as if he was reading your mind. How could you think that about him? He saved you. If not for him, you would be dead.

It was stronger than that. When he approached you this morning your heart was beating faster and a chill went through your body.

"It's because I love him. Typical reaction" You repeated to yourself in your mind.

Every time you felt his hands stroking your hair while you were hugging, you thought about how tightly he gripped that wooden plank with which he cracked the head of the boy in the arena. How the blood spurted onto his snow white shirt from his school uniform. And those eyes. The eyes that always made you feel butterflies in your stomach, and then they seemed so unfamiliar. You thought about how later after the situation at the arena, he tried to approach you, and you took a step back with your eyes wide open in horror.

Of course, he knew. You don't need to read minds to know that. And he was intelligent. He knew right away.

"I know, I know, Coryo. It's just…" you knew that if you continued your voice would break. Besides, you didn't know what to say. You snuggled into his neck hugging him more tightly at the waist. You don't want to hurt him with such thoughts, but they are so intrusive. You can't get them out of your head despite his reassurances, affectionate words and gentle touch. "I'm sorry, I should be there for you, and I'm making everything worse."

You whispered soaking the collar of his shirt with your tears.

His hand went to your hair gently stroking it.

"Stop, it's not your fault."

You stayed like that in each other's embrace, in silence. Words are not important now. What is important is that you are together and nothing will change that.

He will not hurt you. Yes, he won't hurt you.

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter One: [The Diagnosis]

Summary: The last thing you ever expected was to be diagnosed with breast cancer. To make matters worse? You’d been separated from the love of your life for just shy of a year. How do you tell the love of your life you might be dying? It’s simple really— You don’t.

Warnings: Mentions of Cancer Diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Separation. Marriage issues. Mentions of death.

Word Count: 2.1k

Author Note: I've put so much love, passion and time into this series. I'd love to hear all your theories and concepts as each chapter is released.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

December 31st 

Jake Seresin tried his best to hide the wet tears that fell down his cheeks as he sat with his kids on the lounge of the home that he had tried his best to keep as tidy as he could. There was a lot of uncertainty, a lot of frustration, a lot of fear and unbelievable sadness that surrounded Jake and your three small children. The unknown was truly tragic, terrifying and treacherous, but Jake wasn’t about to let his kids see the way he so desperately wanted to cry. He didn't want his kids to know how truly broken he was. 

“What did mum get you for Christmas daddy?” Little Lenny asked cautiously, knowing the emotions were still raw for them all. He was just six years old but Lennox Seresin knew his life had changed forever. That something had been ripped from his heart never to be returned. 

Jake held the small present in the palm of his hand, the present he had yet to open. The present he wasn’t sure he wanted to. It felt like something he’d held before, the weight felt all too familiar. It haunted him the more he carried it around, held it in the palm of his hand and contemplated the inevitable. 

“I dunno buddy, you reckon I should open it?” Jake asked as he kissed his son's head. “S’not Christmas anymore.” The Naval Aviator had recently shaved his head, it had been the closest to a number one he’d ever had. It was in solidarity, union. A decision he made in the blink of an eye but one he did not regent or ever would. 

“We haven’t taken the tree down yet.” Lucy added her two cents into the conversation as she laid her head on her father’s thigh. “Mum would be upset if you didn’t open it dad.” Jake knew that much was true, you probably would be pretty bent out of shape if he never opened it. 

“Alright, I better open it then huh?” Jake shook the small perfectly wrapped box he could hold in the palm of his hand. He heard what sounded like a rock rattle inside. His heart nearly exploded inside his chest. 

Fuck….Jake knew what it was and he really didn’t want to open it. 

But before we get to that we need to go back a little. So settle in, grab your tissues and emotional support water bottle and hold on for dear life. Because this Christmas isn’t your average festive Christmas fic: No—this one’s something much more heartbreaking. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~

November: 2nd 

“I need you to take the kids for Christmas—“ It was the first thing Jake heard come through the phone as he held it up to his ear. It had been a few days since he’d last heard from you, not that you owed him daily check ins or regular updates, you owed him nothing, after all the two of you had been separated for just shy of a year now. January had been the start of his new beginning, Lieutenants Jake Hangman, soon to be divorced, couldn’t hack it as a husband, Seresin. The title was pretty long winded and riddled with self pity, but Jake wouldn’t ever let himself forget how much he’d let you down as a husband. As a father, as best friend. 

The two of you had been college lovers. The star crossed kind of lovers with Jake being the very definition of Mr Popularity and yourself being the well mannered and reserved library dweller. You’d only stumbled across each other's paths one day in the unlikely event that Jake needed to borrow an actual hard copy of a Douglas A Howard book on the Ottoman Empire. 

He ran right into you—and to this day had never stopped loving you. His Honey. 

“Are we not splitting it between my family and yours like we said?” Jake frowned as he stepped out of his truck in the car park on base. You could hear the familiar jingle of his car keys as he shut the door of that black F150 he loved so much behind himself. 

Your contact remained unchanged, it was simply Honeybee. That term of endearment that illuminated his entire phone screen never boded very well in Jake's favour when it came to his meaningless conquests. Hard Deck Badge Bunnies were a dime a dozen, but they were never you. Never the woman he longed for the most. Never the woman Jake let down more than enough times to count on two hands. 

They were never you, because you left him January seventh at approximately four thirty in the afternoon. Jake would never forget that moment, that unimaginable heartbreak of finally coming to the gut wrenching conclusion that you had a limit. Hearing your voice through the phone as he pulled into work made him remember that you were across the country with his three kids in tow. You weren’t his anymore, he’d loved and lost you and didn’t know how to fix what he’d broken. 

“I thought we were gonna—“ 

There wasn’t an easy way to explain to your ex husband how you were sitting in the doctor's office as you spoke to him looking at your last mammogram results. Aggressive Breast Cancer, Stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma. Merry fucking Christmas. So, you interrupted him with a quick explanation, one so out of character and born out of pure panic to keep your newfound diagnosis of stage three breast cancer that needed to be treated as soon as possible before it could progress. 

“I’ve been invited on a friend's trip, we’re going—“ Jake pretends not to hear the slight pause you took in your explanation, he decided it was because you feel guilty for dumping the kids on him like this. He knows you're not a bad mum, that’s why the kids he loves so dearly and with all his heart spend more time with you in Rhode Island than they do with him in North Island. “To Banff, yeah they booked a few rooms in the Sunshine Village but it’s a no kids trip.” 

“You deserve it.” Jake doesn’t want to argue, it’s what ruined your marriage to begin with. The constant arguing back and forth over everything under the sun. But what Jake knew now that he didn’t back then was that over ninety percent of the time those arguments started because you were just begging him to love you the way you deserved. He’d never put you first a day in your marriage even though you’d selflessly followed him across the country to whatever posting, away from your family and friends, birthed his children, twins with heads just as big as his. You gave him love and support and thought he’d do the same in return. 

But the reciprocal love in the form of equality never came no matter how long you waited or gave Jake, the love of your life, your best friend, the father of your children, the benefit of the doubt. It was you who cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. It was you who stayed home night after night wondering when Jake would be home. It was you who stayed up riddled with anxiety that his last mission would be just that. It was you who heard the rumours about your husband in every city or small town you moved to. That he was a lady killer, a smooth talking guy with a cock sure attitude. He was the prize at the end of any lucky ladies night. 

Except for you. But you never questioned your husband’s loyalty, never once asked or believed what everyone told you. That’s just who Jake was—a charismatic man with a heart of gold that was often overlooked. He was the best of the best and he’d stop at nothing to get where he wanted to go, to the very top. If Jake Seresin had to move a mountain to achieve his dream of becoming Commander of the Pacific Fleet then he was going to move that mountain. It was one of the reasons you’d fallen in love with his very closested dorky self. 

You just never expected him to drop that very mountain on top of you and bury you alive under the pressure of keeping three beautiful kids alive, working, making sure there was food on the table for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The endless hours of housework that went unnoticed or the constant stress of being the default parent while deployments passed and new assignments came around. 

Love sometimes isn’t enough, and Jake, despite the endless love you had for the man who made you a mother and a wife, wasn’t enough. He didn’t love you the way you loved him. Endlessly and without hesitation. Jake had always been your number one priority along with your kids, but you weren’t even on his list. 

Jake knew he messed up when you told him you were leaving, he begged you not to, begged you on his knees to stay, that’s he’d change for you, be a better man for you and the kids. That he would do better, be better, be the man you fell in love with. But it was too late. 

He wished he’d listened to you all the times that you had begged him to, so now? He didn’t want to argue, not with the woman he loved so dearly and missed so badly. 

“I’ll take the kids, no problem, just tell me when I need to be at the airport and I’ll meet you guys there.” 

You’d expected a fight, some sort of push back or argument to come from the other end of the phone call as you sat in your doctor's office with eyes trained heavily on your mammogram. But it never came and that made you sure that your ex husband had well and truly fallen out of love with you the way you wished you could with him. At least he cared enough before to argue, now? It was just passive stupidity. 

“Okay, will do.” You pressed your lips together in an effort to not blurt out that you had asked your doctor if you were going to die and she had told you that she couldn’t answer that. In your mind that was a yes, yes you were dying and you felt like you couldn’t tell the one man you’d ever loved that you were taking that one way ticket to the place he’d once told you he wished you’d go in one of your long winded arguments. Hell. “I’ll uh—I’ll get the kids organised and explain what’s going on and I’ll text you all the information, sound good?” 

“Sounds like a plan, Honeybee.” Jake had yet to kick that old habit. He cringed as the terms of endearment left his mouth and stilled in his tracks. “All good on my end.” His attempt to stumble awkwardly through his mistaken term of endearment didn’t go unnoticed by you in the slightest bit. Your stomach filled with butterflies at the terms that had slipped past your ex husband's lips on the other end of the line. 

You missed him, you missed what the two of you used to be before things got so complicated. You missed the gentle nature of Jake's charisma before he fell so deep into the persona he played up for his colleagues and country. The Hangman. Always leaving people hanging, including his wife. 

Jake was just and always would be simply Jake Seresin to you. Your now ex husband but still and forever the love of your life. 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon, bye Jake, have a good day.” You hung up before your tears could spill from your lower lash line and left out a heavy sigh. As you closed your eyes and imagined what it would be like to be held in this moment by the man who promised he’d be there for you in sickness and in health, you reminded yourself why you left. You weren’t good enough for him to love you the way you deserved. How could you expect him to love you now when he couldnt even fix a fucking faucet when you asked? 

“Okay, so what’s the next step?” Your doctor just looked at you with sympathetic eyes that told you this wasn’t going to be easy. She took a deep breath and handed you a treatment plan that was in her opinion, the best case scenario for your specific type of cancer.

“You fight for your family, Mrs Seresin.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21@tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer

[regressionschool]

Maturity Test Part 2

Chapter 1

Anna had been away for three years, throwing herself into work and life, the memories of her last visit to the regression school nursery and her friends there fading into the background. But now, it was time for her reclassification, and she found herself once again driving the familiar road back to the place where her friends had been left behind. She wondered how much had changed. How much had Rebecca and Olaf changed? How much had she changed?

Arriving at Olaf's place first, Anna hesitated before knocking on the door. She had kept in touch with Olaf and his girlfriend, Lilly, over the years, but hearing stories and actually seeing the changes were two very different things. Taking a deep breath, she knocked, the sound echoing loudly in her ears.

A moment later, the door opened, and there stood Lilly, a bright smile on her face. "Anna! It's so good to see you!" she greeted warmly, pulling Anna into a quick hug before stepping aside to let her in. "Olaf’s been looking forward to your visit."

Anna stepped inside, her eyes immediately drawn to the subtle yet significant changes in the apartment. The living room had transformed into what could only be described as a preschooler’s haven. Bright colors adorned the walls, and scattered toys filled the floor. A large playmat with a road map pattern lay in the center of the room, and in one corner stood a small table with coloring books and crayons.

But what really caught Anna's attention was the large potty chart on the wall, covered in stickers—mostly clouds with only a few suns scattered here and there. It was clear that Olaf’s potty training had regressed significantly. The sparse suns stood out like sad little beacons amidst a sea of rain clouds.

Lilly noticed where Anna’s gaze had fallen and chuckled softly. “He’s had a bit of a rough time with his potty training lately,” she explained, her tone both affectionate and slightly teasing. “But he’s doing his best, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Anna turned to see Olaf emerging from the hallway. The sight of him was both shocking and heartbreaking. He was wearing a pair of blue pull-ups, the childish design visible beneath his t-shirt. His once-confident demeanor was now replaced with a more subdued, almost shy, expression as he shuffled over to greet Anna.

“Hi, Anna,” Olaf said softly, a pacifier hanging from a clip on his shirt. He didn’t seem to notice it as he absentmindedly popped it into his mouth after saying hello, sucking on it softly as he stood there, fidgeting slightly.

“Hi, Olaf,” Anna replied, trying to keep her voice light and not show how surprised she was at how much he had changed. She could see the subtle influence Lilly had over him—his behavior, his clothes, even his posture all screamed little boy. “It’s good to see you again.”

Olaf nodded, his cheeks flushing a little as he tugged on his t-shirt, which didn’t cover his pull-ups. “Yeah, it’s good to see you too. We’ve been having lots of fun, haven’t we, Mommy?” he added, looking up at Lilly with a small smile.

Lilly beamed, reaching down to ruffle his hair affectionately. “We sure have, sweetie” “I’ll go get us something to drink,” Lilly announced suddenly, giving Olaf a quick peck on the cheek before disappearing into the kitchen.

The moment she was out of earshot, Olaf’s demeanor changed. His shoulders slumped, and he let out a heavy sigh, pulling the pacifier from his mouth and dropping it onto the table with a soft clatter. He looked up at Anna with a mixture of shame and desperation in his eyes.

“Anna,” he began quietly, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Lilly wasn’t coming back yet. “I need to talk to you. I—Lilly—she signed me up for Unpotty Training III,” he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur.

Anna blinked in surprise. “Unpotty Training III? What’s that?” she asked, leaning in closer.

Olaf sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “It’s not like the first two levels. Unpotty Training I and II were about getting you to have accidents, you know, just losing control sometimes. But this… this is different. It’s not about accidents anymore. It’s about not using the potty at all. They teach you how to… just let go whenever, wherever. No more control.”

Anna’s eyes widened as she processed his words. “And you’re the only one in the class who’s not… fully regressed?”

Olaf nodded, looking down at his pull-ups. “Yeah. It’s so embarrassing, Anna. All the other guys are in diapers, and here I am, still in pull-ups but being told I need to stop using the potty entirely. Lilly says it’s for my own good, that it’s part of accepting who I’m supposed to be, but… I don’t know. I want to grow back up, at least a little.”

“And that’s not all,” Olaf interrupted, his voice tense with frustration. “She signed me up for pacifier dependence too. I can’t go anywhere without it now. If I don’t have it... I just get so anxious, Anna. I don’t know what to do.”

Anna reached out, placing a comforting hand on his arm. “Olaf, why didn’t you tell her? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I tried,” he muttered, his eyes darting toward the kitchen again. “But she doesn’t listen. She thinks this is what’s best for me, but... I don’t want this. I want to grow back up, Anna. I don’t want to be stuck like this forever.”

Before he could finish, Lilly’s cheerful voice cut through the air as she returned, carrying a tray with two steaming cups of coffee and a sippy cup filled with juice. Olaf quickly popped the pacifier back into his mouth, his frustration hidden behind the plastic shield.

“Here we go!” Lilly said brightly, setting the tray down on the coffee table. “Two coffees for the grown-ups and a nice sippy cup of juice for my little man.”

Olaf forced a smile, taking the sippy cup in his hands. “Thanks, Mommy,” he mumbled, his previous frustration buried under a veneer of obedience.

Lilly beamed, clearly pleased with his response. “Oh, and Olaf, I don’t think we need to worry about you drinking from a cup anymore. Those days are long gone, aren’t they?”

Anna watched as Olaf’s grip tightened on the sippy cup, his knuckles turning white. He didn’t respond, just brought the cup to his lips and began to drink, his eyes focused intently on the table.

As they sipped their drinks, a faint hissing sound reached Anna’s ears. At first, she thought it might be coming from outside, but then she realized it was much closer—too close.

Olaf was wetting himself.

She glanced at his pull-ups, noticing the way the material was gradually swelling, the childish design fading as it absorbed the wetness. Olaf’s face remained calm, his eyes focused on the sippy cup in his hands as he continued to drink, completely unaware of what was happening. He looked so small, so helpless—more like a toddler than a preschooler.

Lilly, who was casually sipping her coffee, noticed Anna’s concerned expression and followed her gaze to Olaf’s pull-ups. A knowing smile spread across her face.

Lilly glanced at the clock on the wall, her eyes widening slightly as she realized the time. "Oh, look at the time," she said, her voice tinged with both excitement and a hint of urgency. "We need to get ready for the reclassification, Olaf."

Olaf looked up from his coloring, his brow furrowing in mild confusion. "Already?" he asked, sounding a bit unsure. The thought of the reclassification had clearly been on his mind, but he hadn’t expected it to come so soon.

Lilly nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. "Yes, sweetie. We don't want to be late. Why don't you get up and stretch your legs before we head out?"

Obediently, Olaf pushed himself up from the floor, his movements a bit clumsy as he shifted his weight. Then, with a soft sigh, she stepped closer to him, her hand reaching out to gently pat the front of his pull-up.

"Uh-oh, Olaf," Lilly said, her voice laced with gentle teasing as she placed her other hand on his padded bottom. "Looks like someone’s a bit soggy. Did you forget to tell Mommy you had an accident?"

Olaf's cheeks flushed a deep red as he looked down at himself, his eyes widening in embarrassment. "N-No..." he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. He shifted uncomfortably, feeling the dampness of his pull-up now that it had been pointed out.

Anna couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for him as she watched the scene unfold. She could see how much it bothered him to be caught off guard like this. Lilly gently guided Olaf over to the corner of the room where his potty chart hung on the wall. “Come on, sweetie,” Lilly said softly, her tone warm but firm. “Let’s put another cloud on your chart, okay?”

Olaf’s face turned an even deeper shade of red as he nodded, clearly embarrassed by the ritual. He hesitated for a moment, but under Lilly’s gentle guidance, he picked up the blue marker and drew another cloud in the appropriate square. The marker squeaked slightly against the chart, a sound that seemed to echo in the room, making Olaf cringe a little.

“There we go,” Lilly said with a soft chuckle, ruffling Olaf’s hair affectionately. “Such a good boy.”

As Olaf stood there, looking up at the chart with a mixture of embarrassment and resignation, Lilly couldn’t resist adding a bit of teasing to the situation. “You know, Olaf,” she began, her voice playful, “if you keep this up, maybe this will be your last pull-up. If you get reclassified as a toddler today, we will switch to diapers full-time. Wouldn’t that be something?”

Olaf’s eyes widened in surprise and mild horror at the idea, but before he could protest, Anna, who had been quietly watching the interaction, decided to join in.

“Or,” Anna chimed in, trying to help Olaf smile, “maybe this will be your last pull-up because you’ll be allowed to grow up, Olaf. Maybe they’ll finally let you wear big boy underwear again.”

Olaf face showed a mix of confusion and hope, the idea of being allowed to grow up again clearly appealing to some part of him that still clung to his former sense of independence.

But before he could latch onto that hope, Lilly gently shot it down with a playful smirk. “Oh, Anna, you know Olaf’s too incontinent to ever go back to normal underwear. Even if they let him grow up, it’ll probably still be in pull-ups,” she said with a lighthearted laugh. “I mean, we wouldn’t want him having too many big boy accidents, would we?” Olaf shifted again, this time more awkwardly, caught between the two women’s contrasting views of his future.

Anna couldn’t help but smile at Lilly’s fierce defense of Olaf’s regression, though she knew better than to push the subject further. It was clear that Lilly had a vision for Olaf’s life that involved a lot more clouds on that chart, and perhaps even the inevitable transition to diapers full-time.

"Well," Anna said with a light shrug, "we’ll just have to see what the reclassification decides, won’t we?" She winked at Olaf, who gave her a small, uncertain smile in return.

Lilly gave Olaf’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Alright, let’s get you into a fresh pull-up before we head out, okay?” she said, her voice softening again. “We can’t have you going to your reclassification all soggy.”

Olaf nodded quietly, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as Lilly guided him over to the changing area. She moved with practiced ease, quickly removing the damp pull-up and replacing it with a fresh one, giving Olaf a suppository for his nerves. The crinkling sound filled the room as she snugly fastened the sides, her hands gentle but efficient.

“There we go,” Lilly murmured, smoothing out the front of his pull-up before giving him another reassuring smile. “All set. Now, you’ll be nice and comfy for the big day.”

Once Olaf was dressed, the three of them made their way to the door.

[fan-goddess]

Yes sir…

Thank you @succnfuccubus for inspiring me to write this and convincing me to actually do this

Summary: After another rejection, Billy’s feeling a little down in the dumps. But after meeting with your friend that morning and looking at a unique source material, you get a very unique idea on how to hopefully cheer him up.

Authors Note: Gave the friend a name as it was just easier. I loved the idea, but I don’t like this for some reason

Taglist: @valeskafics, @humanpurposes, @watercolorskyy, @omgbrcat @blue-serendipity @arcielee @targaryenbarbie @anjelicawrites d

Warnings: Smut books, p in v sex, m oral, praise kink, power imbalance role play, role play, angst, comforting, sad boy Billy Washington, the economy, begging, cuddling (if I miss any let me know)

Billy had never been a particularly avid reader. The most he’d ever voluntarily read probably being the required reading for secondary school English. You on the other hand, even before you’d stumbled across the smut section on the internet, had always been a common bookworm.

When your friend Lya first began to lend you books from her so called private collection though, now that’s when you became a woman possessed. Soon, most of what you were reading involved some sort of dark romance filtered in. Whether that was mafia, pirate, or just a simple brother’s best friend romance. You read it all with an expressionless face.

Yet when you’d begun to date Billy, you must confess to the amusement of Lya, who you’d been borrowing books from for all these years, that you hadn’t been borrowing and reading as many of those sort of books as you used too. Since now, you had a real life romance novel in front of your very eyes to carry out. It wasn’t exactly the dream romance kids pictured after watching a Disney movie, but what sort of relationships were these days?

The last few days, you and Billy had been unable to have sex due to a sudden difference in work times. Well, your work times and Billy’s interviews. Still, whilst you were used to this happening at some random times, your pussy had taken a sudden hit with the recent dry streak. Now, you were beginning to crave one of those novels of yours in your hands again. Desperate for a new sort of fiction that’d get brain stimulated and your cunt working.

So you called the best smut dealer you knew.

“Hey bestie!” You grinned, picking at your nail while your other hand was busy holding the phone. “I need a favour…” She’d laughed when you’d asked her for a new recommendation, yet to your relief, you and her had managed to agree to a meet up the next day to, exchange the goods.

The morning you were supposed to leave, you remember kissing Billy goodbye as your adorable half asleep boyfriend was still laying in bed all cosy and pretty. “Where are you going?” He’d grumbled, so cute with a small tired pout on his face that it almost made you want to strip back down to nothing and pounce on him there and then. The lack of sex it seemed was really getting to you right now.

“Visiting one of my friends for a morning drink. Nothing much baby. Remember though you’ve got that interview at 3, so don’t forget!” You smiled, giving him another deep kiss before you go that left Billy’s cheeks flushed from bashfulness. He’s so effortlessly fucking sexy it was utterly unreal…

When you got to the cafe you’d planned to meet Lya at, she eagerly waved at you from a discreet corner of the room. She may be honest as hell about what she reads, but she sure as hell knows how to act like a fucking dealer about it.

“Hello darling!” You smile, moving so you could give her a quick hug before sitting opposite her. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been alright thanks babes! Stocking up on my little novel collection, which reminds me!” She gives you a mischievous smile, and from her bag produced a book with quite a different cover than what you thought it’d be. As she places in front of you what looks to be a copy of great expectations.

“Think you’ve mixed up the books Lya!” You laugh, giggling in amusement when you see her look at you with such disappointment.

“Course I haven’t idiot!” She sighs, moving to grab the book and remove the book cover, before showing you the back of it. Where much to your surprise, you find the blurb for a very different book. Called ‘Unbuttoning the CEO’. “I read it last week and thought it’d be perfect for you!”

You laugh at the title and place the secret cover back on, before placing it in your bag. You don’t bring the book up again the rest of the catch up convo, but at the end when the two of you have eaten your cakes, drunk your coffees and were saying your goodbyes, you made sure to let Lya know what you thought of the book when you read it.

When you get back home, you head to the bedroom first to see if Billy’s back or not. The bed you can see is unmade and ruffled, yet when you feel it you can tell it’s cold to the touch, telling you Billy left a while a go. You head to the living room and sit on the sofa with a small sigh, praying Billy didn’t decide to head to the pub before a job interview.

You’re still for a couple minutes trying to think of what to do to occupy your time while you wait for Billy, and your eyes can’t help but be drawn to your bag, where the book practically taunts you from inside it. Before you even know it, you’re curled up on the sofa with the book in your hand and your lip between your teeth.

Words blur as you read sentence after sentence, but your eyes certainly eagerly tune in when you get to the actual sex part, which wasn’t even very far in to be honest.

The ceo takes the assistant on his desk, and you can’t help but clench your legs together when you read about how later on the assistant helps the CEO to ‘destress’. You take a small break to make yourself a quick drink, and can’t help but find your mind drifting to the idea of you and Billy in those scenes, playing those characters. You can’t help but forget about even making any sort of drink as you imagine exactly how you could help Billy destress from the recent unfair influx of job rejections.

You eagerly get back to reading though, and by the time Billy comes back home around 5, stinking slightly of cheap lager, you’ve already finished the book twice and reread your favourite scenes about three times over.

“Hey baby!” You smile, making note on how Billy nuzzles his body into yours as much as he can as soon as he gets close enough. Your pretty little teddy bear… “How’d it go?”

“Said I weren’t what they were looking for…” He murmurs into the length of your neck, as you kiss the top of his head softly. “Another fucking failure to add to the list…”

“Don’t say that!” You firmly say, placing both your hands on the side of his face to force his eyes to meet yours. You hate the way he looks so broken in that moment. So beaten by the world that all you want to do in that moment is wrap your arms around him and keep him safe from everything and everyone. The assholes who hurt him hurt him good and deep, and if you could, you’d beat them to death yourself. Maybe even with your porn book that’d be a right sight you must admit… “You are fucking amazing! You’re my favourite person in the whole world and I will not have you bring yourself down! Do you understand me Billy Washington?”

He gulps, and for a second you swear you can see tears build up in his eyes before they’re quickly blinked away.

“I-I underhand darling. Thank you, for being there for me. For everything.” He says, before bringing you in for a hug. Practically crushing you with how hard his arms lock around your waist and his head stays tucked in the skin of your neck.

The two of you stay there for what feels like hours. Holding each other while the time goes by. The only reason the two of you even break away from each other is because your phone rings so loudly all of a sudden and shocks the two of you into remembering the situation at hand. You quickly move to switch your phone on silent, and yet your eyes somehow manage to drift to the book peeking out from behind a sofa cushion, and an idea makes it way through your mind.

“Hey Billy…” You begin, smirking when you see Billy’s usual shy persona breaking through his shell once more when he sees that smile of yours. “I wanna try something tonight…”

“What is it?” He asks, raising a brow and stepping back slightly when he sees the grin on your face.

“Just something I read recently. Wanna see how you’ll like it…” You purr, placing your hands on his shoulders and dragging him to the edge of the sofa, before pushing him slightly so he falls backwards with a small gasp. His eyes open wide as they stare at you with such awe and admiration that you can’t help but find yourself blushing slightly.

You slowly lower yourself between Billy’s legs, which seem to open as wide as they can automatically, and with innocent fluttering eyes, lay your head on the side on his leg.

“Can I please suck your cock sir?” You beg, a pout on your lips to mimic pure desperation as Billy practically seems to have a heart attack above you. He appears breathless as you spring this sudden fantasy upon him, and yet by the way you can see and feel his trousers move and strain with his quickly swelling cock, you can tell with certainty that he definitely seems to be enjoying this.

“Yes…” He eventually murmurs with a heavy breath. “You can suck my cock….”

“Thank you sir, I promise I won’t let you down!” You smile, moving your hands to undo his belt and shimmy down his trousers and his underwear. When Billy is left sitting naked before you, as he’d claimed to feel silly if he was sitting in just his shirt, you can’t even stop yourself from admiring your boyfriends erect cock that stands proudly before your face.

“Such a pretty cock sir…” You murmur, before opening your mouth and taking it in your mouth as far as you can before your nose hits the small soft patch of hair lying at the base of Billy’s cock.

You can hear him keen and whine above you, and you’re very sad you can’t see the way his eyes no doubt roll to the back of his head. You slowly move your head back and forth, keeping a steady pace that leaves Billy practically shaking and whining above you.

“Please….” You hear him beg. A noise you love more than anything, and yet at this moment it’s not what you want. You want him to feel in control for once. To know how much you worship him and adore him. To know that he has the ability to make you become so needy and desperate for him that you’ll do anything to please him. That is, with the right words of course.

“Please darling!” He continues, his whimpering so delightful to your ears that you almost throw your plan out the window so you could give him as many earth shattering orgasms as he deserves. But patience is a virtue, so you continue to suck at Billy’s cock in a leisurely pace. Drawing all sorts of noises from him that leaves your own lower half aching for a release.

“Take control of me Billy…” You eventually say, admittedly growing tired of the lack of communication between the both of you. “Take hold of me and do whatever you want to me sir…”

It seems your words finally made it into his pretty little head. Since as soon as you try and go back to putting your mouth on him after saying those words to him, you feel a strong hand wrap itself between the strands of your hair, atopping you from getting anymore closer to his cock than what you already are. It makes your pussy admittedly wetter as you’re now effectively eye level with Billy’s weeping member, and yet am unable to touch it at all. Forced to stare at it while it weeps a single drop his precum and watch while it trails down his erection. It’s absolute fucking torture.

“Please sir!” You find yourself begging, an actual pout on your lips as desperation claws up your whole body. “I wanna make you feel good sir! Wanna warm your cock in my mouth and feel your cum trickling down my throat!”

You can feel the grip his hands have on your hair tighten, and before you know it, Billy’s cock is hitting the back of your throat and your eyes are rolling to the back of your head as your used like a pathetic fuck toy. You let your body go limp as you allow Billy to use you however he decides, yet he doesn’t seem to exactly have that part figured out yet, as he focuses on moaning and groaning about you like a porn star while he uses you to his current hearts content.

For a while, you almost find yourself unable to breathe. Gasping for air whenever the opportunity appeared. Yet still, you persist in your willingness, eager to see the usually so submissive man in front of you break.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum!” He groans, moaning as he further tightens his grip on you and forces you to work harder and faster on his cock. You moan wantonly and work your tongue harder as you feel his tip become drenched in a delicious mixture of both your spit and his precum, and feel his entire length throb under the weight of your efforts. It’s actually quite flattering really, seeing how fast he’s about to cum from your suggestions.

“Fuuuuuuck please swallow baby please please please!” He whines, that inner submissive of his still lingering as he holds your head down firmly on his cock while you feel his cum shoot down to the back of your throat, and practically choke you with how much you feel quickly filling your mouth. You cough slightly as you try and obey Billy by swallowing what you can, yet you can’t help but have a few drops of his essence flow down your cheek as you struggle swallowing the first few drops.

“Here you go baby…” Billy murmurs, using his fingers to pick up the stray dribbles and put them in front of your lips. Admittedly you feel quite bashful as you avoid his eyes while sucking the remaining taste of him off his fingers, but as soon as you finish, those same now spit covered fingers rest under your chin and force your head up so your eyes can meet.

A silent gasp releases under your breath as you see an uncharacteristic carefree yet somehow cocky smile on Billy’s face. That submissive man you saw not even five minutes ago gone as this new, changed man sits before you. Like some sort of strange sexual butterfly.

“You were a good girl for me.” He simply says, allowing you to bask in the feeling of his dominance that makes your legs weak at the knees. “And good girls if I’m right, get rewarded. You taught me that pretty girl. So please, get naked, and get on the bed for me arse up, so I can reward you for being so good for me.”

Fuck you’ve made a monster. A sexy one yes, but still a sexually dominant monster.

You do as Billy says to a T. Stripping yourself quickly so that your clothes are all over the bedroom floor, and placing your body on the bed in Billy’s desired position. You wait with bated breath for what feels like hours while your skin erupts in a multitude of goosebumps, and you swear you nearly jump out of your skin when you feel Billy’s warm skin suddenly against yours. You feel his half hard cock rubbing almost pitifully against your arse, and you realise with a very sick thrill that you can actually feel him getting harder the more your juices seem to coat him.

It seems though you were so caught up in your thoughts, that you miss the sounds of Billy’s own clumsy movements of stripping.

“So pretty…” He groans. A beautiful sound that leaves you wanting more more and more. How greedy of you… “You want to be fucked by me don’t you? By your boss?”

“Yes sir!” You whine, your head going dull as you stay focused only Billy’s body and nothing else. On the way he makes you feel so effortlessly, and without meaning. “Want you to make me yours! Want me to make sure everyone knows I only belong to you!”

You can hear Billy deeply grunt behind you, and with a gasp you don’t even at first realise belong to you, you feel Billy thrust his cock deep inside you. An intense feeling of fullness hitting you as you close your eyes and grip your hands desperately at the sheets in an attempt to ground yourself.

He gratefully allows you to get used to the sudden intrusion, but before you know it, Billy is quickly thrusting himself quickly in and out of you while you moan and keen for more beneath him. Your eyes screwing shut as your lower belly slowly tightens harder and harder.

“So good!” He groans, unexpectedly yet cautiously smacking your backside with his palm that causes an absolute pathetic sound to leave your lips. “My sweet little slut. All mine to fuck!”

An abundance of yeses comes quickly and brainlessly as you answer Billy’s statement with a high pitched moan. All you want right now is to cum. And by the way you can feel your cunt clenching and fluttering hard around Billy’s cock, you can guess it won’t be long before you do.

“Fuck sir I wanna cum please let me cum for you sir I’ve been so good!” You whine, your mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Billy somehow manages to move himself faster against you. The sound of his skin smacking at such a fast pace against your own to your ears sounding like an erotic symphony.

“Yes… you have been good…” Billy groans. His voice so strained it’s as if he’s struggling with all his strength to say them. “So you’ll continue to be good… by taking my fucking cum in your perfect cunt!”

You take that as your queue, and with a loud unwavering yell, you cum hard around Billy’s cock. Coaxing forth his own orgasm as he clutches hard at your skin and pushes himself as deep as he can to you. Moaning as you focus on the feeling of his hot cum filling you.

You can also feel his pubic hair stimulating your swollen clit, which leaves you silently gasping against the mattress and your aching pussy clenching against Billy’s softening cock.

The two of you stay where you are as you allow each other to breathe and calm down, yet it’s not long before the two of you are cuddling under the bed covers, with Billy’s cock still inside you.

“Did you like that baby?” You can’t help but murmur. Anxious on whether Billy was happy over you pushing him out of his usual comfort zone.

“It was different…” He summarises. You cannot see his face to make any assumptions. Given that your man has gone back to his roots by putting his head in the curve of your neck. “But I liked it. I liked it a lot.”

You may not be able to see it, but even so, your ego swells massively when you realise you can feel Billy’s bashful smile against your skin. It almost makes you want to have your wicked way with him again. That is though, before you realise with a warm feeling chest that Billy has steadily fallen asleep against you. With his softened cock still inside you, and your arms wrapped firmly around his body ensuring his safety.

“Sleep baby…” You murmur, kissing the top of his head with a smile. “You were such a good boy for me baby… we’ll see about rewarding you later….”

You may have imagined it, but you swear you can feel Billy smile against your skin. Yet you push the thought away and instead choose to close your eyes, and allow your own exhaustion to overcome you. You and Billy’s breaths and hearts synching as you hold each other with as much love as a sleeping person could handle.

[bby-blu-swirll]

can you write something with shoto x reader but the reader ignores shoto after a fight? ( happy ending though !!! ) love ur writing xx

omg of course !!! babes i can't tell you how big it made me smile to see this in my inbox sksdkjsdjklsd xx

content warnings : mild angst and a HEAVY sass,, lol nothing too heavy, hurt/comfort w a very sweet little ending, pls enjoy nonnie !!

" cold shoulder ? " - todoroki x reader

the student commons were filled with soft music and small giggles from you and uraraka, completely side tracked from the homework iida was desperately trying to pull your attention back to. midoriya had given up at this point, just watching the three of you with a small smile.

"i'm just saying, i think a small break to run and get coffee would be productive." you chuckled softly, more amused by iida's arm chopping than anything.

"we took a long break less than an hour ago! it would be more productive to at least work a small while longer!"

you only laughed harder when ochako began to imitate his expression and movements. you stopped, however, smile dropping when you saw a todoroki stepping towards your table.

you closed your book quickly and pushed it to the side, standing up.

"y/n, wait-" he put a hand on your shoulder carefully, pressing his lips together when you shrugged it off.

"yeah, i'm going to go get a coffee. ochako, you wanna come?" you pushed in your chair as she nodded, standing up. "i'll grab you guys something too, just text me whatever you want."

you were already at the door before they could get a word out. deku and iida both jumped when you shut the door firmly. your boyfriend, however, just let out an exasperated sigh.

"um.. hey, todoroki?" midoriya fiddled with his pencil. "what was that about?"

"yes, it seems out of character for her to give you the cold shoulder, even when upset." iida had pushed his books to the side now too, his concern for a friend taking priority.

"she's not giving me the cold shoulder, she's just..." he sighed again as he pulled a chair and took a seat. he pressed his hands together and took a deep breath. "when she gets angry, she avoids me and ignores me so she doesn't say something she doesn't mean. like i did," he rubs his eyes and pulls his hands down his face, groaning in frustration. "i'm such an idiot..."

"what exactly, did you do?" midoriya cocked his head curiously, both boys now looking worried.

"finals are coming up, and i guess i've been letting that, and everything else lately, get to me. last night when i was putting away the dishes, i just kept thinking about it. my provisional license, the exams, my old man... i was just trying to finish quickly so i could get back to studying. y/n had come in to get a glass of water, and i didn't see her, i accidentally ran into her..."

todoroki took a deep breath and closed his eyes. the look on your face, he just couldn't get it out of his head.

"she dropped her cup, it broke, and i got stupid and angry. i got upset with her even though she apologized, even though it was my fault, and that turned into a stupid argument, and i said something i shouldn't have. i heard my father's voice coming out of my mouth. 'you're in the way.' ..." he took another deep breath. "but it wasn't my old man that hurt her. it was me,"

the boys just stared at him. they weren't exactly sure what to do or say.

"she's angry, and she has every right to be. even if she was just giving me the cold shoulder, i would understand. after all, that's what i did to my father when i was upset." he cracked a sad smile. "i guess we're alike in that way... but she handles these things better than i do."

he stood up abruptly and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"todoroki? are you alright?" iida stood too, followed by midoriya.

"i'll be fine, it's y/n you should worry about... i'm going out. i'll be back soon."

"uh- wait! todoroki! where are you going?" midoriya took a few steps after him, towards the front foyer.

"to fix this." was all he said before closing the door behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"hey ochako, can you hand me my phone?" you pointed to it sitting on the night stand that far from where you sat on your bed.

"huh? oh, yeah!" she leaned over and grabbed it, it was only a few inches to her right.

"thanks.." you took it and skipped the song, biting the inside of your cheek. it was the song you had showed shoto when you were first getting to know him.

while the two of you had been out, you explained why you were ignoring your boyfriend. she was upset on your behalf, even though you told her not to be. you understood why he was so tense, but that didn't excuse what he did. it wasn't worth someone else getting upset over, though. this was your problem. she, however, insisted that this wasn't something you could push her away from and demanded that you let her spend the rest of the evening taking care of you and your fragile emotions. you bought candy and picked movies to watch, anything to keep your mind off of him until you and todoroki were in a better state to talk about it.

after you and uraraka had gotten home from your "coffee break", you were surprised to find your study buddies on the couch, picking out a movie. they didn't explain why, but apparently they had decided you had all done enough work for one day. you ended up watching whatever together until you and ochako retired to your room and blew off dinner. (normally iida would never condone such actions, but after hearing from todoroki what had happened, he decided to just bring the two of you a couple plates from downstairs.)

so here you were, just listening to music and talking about whatever, letting the conversation go wherever it did. until, however, a knock pulled your attention to your door. you looked over at uraraka before getting up to open it.

there was nobody on the other side, nobody down the hall either way, and you almost closed it before you saw something on the ground. you knit your brows together and couched down. a few packages of your favorite snacks, some of them from shops that were more than 30 minutes away. there was a bottle of your favorite beverage with a small pink sticky note, a heart drawn onto it carefully.

most eye-catching, though, was the jar full of your favorite flowers. it was a beautiful bouquet, small enough to fit on your desk but in no way minimal or boring, with a bow of your favorite color tied around it.

"y/n? what is it?" uraraka asked from your bed, leaning over to try and see.

"it's..." your eyes drifted down to one of the snack packages, with another sticky note. this one, however, was covered in tidy, familiar handwriting.

you pulled it off the bag and read it a few times over.

"i know you need time. take as much as you need. you have every right to be upset with me. what i said was wrong. all of it. i'm sorry. you deserve a better apology than this, too. just please come and find me when you're ready to talk. any time, wake me up if you need. i love you. -shoto"

you smiled softly, shaking your head. "it's a gesture, i guess..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

todoroki was in his room absolutely losing his mind. he couldn't stop thinking about you. he was hunched over his desk, trying to read the same paragraph for the 4th time over, but it was useless. yesterday, his studies were the most important thing in the world. now, they didn't matter at all. nothing mattered except you. how he'd upset you and how he just wanted to fix it. now you were the most important thing in the world. and that's how it should have been the whole time. you should have been his priority.

a small knock snapped him out of his thoughts. he checked the clock, it was almost midnight. his heart leapt into his throat, adrenaline shooting through him as he prayed it was you on the other side. he was at the door in seconds, but hesitated before opening. he took a deep breath and pulled on the handle.

and there you stood. hands together, tugging on the cuffs of your sweater. you looked so beautiful, he just wanted to throw his arms around you, hold you, kiss you. but he knew he had to earn that again.

"hey..." he mentally kicked himself as soon as the words left his mouth.

"hey?" that's all you have to say? really??

"you... gonna let me in?" you motioned behind him.

"oh-" he stepped out of the way quickly, wishing he could slap himself to get his head on right.

you sat down on his floor calmly, crossing your legs and looking at him with an expectant look. he took his seat across from you and took a deep breath, trying to find the right place to start. he had spent every hour since he snapped at you trying to think of what to say, and suddenly now, he was drawing a blank. your piercing gaze wasn't exactly helping either, but he figured he kind of deserved that.

he took a deep breath and met your eyes. "i'm sorry. for what i said. really, really, sorry. it was stupid. i've been letting everything get the best of me lately, with my father and exams, and my license, which isn't an excuse. i just thought you should know why," he swallowed before continuing. "it was just a stupid cup, and even that was my fault-"

you huffed a laugh, making him stop and smile softly.

"i shouldn't have lost my temper with you. you don't deserve to be a punching bag for my frustrations. and you know that, but i need you to know that i do too. and i need you to know, you're never in the way. ever. i let other things get in the way of how much i care about you. school and stuff is important, but you take priority every time, and i need to start acting like it. so, i'm sorry. do you think you could forgive me?"

he held his breath, terrified of your answer. you stared at him for a long moment.

all of todoroki's fears melted the second you broke into a smile, throwing yourself into his arms. you wrapped your legs around his waist and buried your head in his neck.

you laughed and ran your fingers up and down his spine slowly. "you're forgiven... all you had to do was ask."

he let out a heavy sigh of relief. he pressed his nose into your hair, smelling your shampoo, just enjoying being close to you. he smiled to himself and kissed your head, making you chuckle.

"just..." you pulled away, keeping your arms around his neck, just far enough to look him in the eyes. "talk to me, next time. when you start to get overwhelmed. let me help you. you know that you don't have to deal with things alone anymore."

he sighed and looked to the floor. "i know, i guess old habits die hard... i'm sorry-"

you held his face gently and pressed your lips to his. he hummed softly, putting his hand at the base of your neck.

"you've said enough sorry's for one night," you pulled away with a smile. "don't sweat it, just make sure you talk to me."

a faint smile decorated his lips as he pulled you close to him, nestling under your jaw. he took a moment just breath you in. he sighed contently.

"i don't deserve you..."

you chuckled, tangling your fingers in his hair.

"i know.. <3"

WOW. WOOOOW.

1967 words sksjkdkjsd <3

i didn't think i would get this done in the matter of time i did lol - i saw this request this morning as i was on my way out the door, so i had a tone of time to think about it until i got home later. pretty happy w/ how it turned out i think,, i hope whoever requested it likes it !!

it's my first request so i hope that i did a good job, please, anybody feel free to send me any ideas ! writing so much over the last few days since i started this blog on a whim has really been a good distraction for me, and a good exercise for my brain in general.

btw,, apologies for any of my personal issues that may have leaked through lol <33

love you sm !! hope everyone has a lovely day/night/morning/evening 💗💗

[elleloquently]

invisible string [8] : ellie williams

part seven

| college!ellie x female!reader - welcome to the final part of invisible string! i am so sad to be ending this short series, but extremely excited for you all to read it!! i really hope you'll like it... a lot of time was spent getting it right (: thank you guys for being so patient with me! also- thank you to all of my readers <3 special shout out to those of you who have been following this story since the first part was posted. your kindness and encouragement has meant everything to me <3 ilysm

| c/w - anxiety, swearing

it was jarring, the transition from speaking to not.

your friendship with ellie started all at once and fizzled out even quicker, no lasting proof besides the sticky notes that remained on your wall.

it felt silly, looking at them everyday. you wondered if it was inappropriate, keeping them around and on display. truthfully, you still had a little bit of hope left. if you took them down, that would certainly be the end.

she was only a part of your life for a short time, but the week had felt empty without ellie.

ellie hadn't made a move, so you didn't either.

the time apart made it easier to think though, easier to differentiate your thoughts without ellie clouding your senses.

normal friendships shouldn't feel so dramatic. they shouldn't have so many lingering stares, ghosting touches, and unsaid words. at least, you didn't think so. you hadn't experienced a friendship like that before. desperate to say it all yet too scared to say anything at all, you simultaneously wanted to tell ellie everything yet keep yourself a secret, a closed off book forever.

normal friendships shouldn't require that much thought.

the idea nagged at you continuously and you had no choice but to allow it. it was december, finals were wrapping up and the promise of winter break was no longer just around the corner, it was here.

things were always a little awkward, even when they were good. tension.

things hadn't felt weird in a bad way until the mention of jesse and dina. any color had promptly drained from ellie's face, and she was too quick to get away. you were confident that you hadn't misspoke. surely it was something on ellie's end, but it bothered you nonetheless. you had to have been apart of it.

thinking about ellie made you feel selfish, because it almost felt vain to weigh the ways in which she could potentially care about you. reading into stolen glances was a pastime that possibly could've been increasing your vanity. you didn't typically have such thoughts such as oh, i look pretty today, that must be why she keeps looking at me.

you missed looking at ellie. how pathetic but true, it had only been a few days but surely your journal was tired of hearing about it.

you quickly learned that ellie seemed a little impulsive, driven by her stubbornness. well, two can play at that game. you wouldn't even text her.

you half hoped that your absence would make her grow more fond at the idea of you, though maybe you had only pushed her away further. no texts, no anything.

sure, it was finals week. but still.

half of your clothes were packed away, piles around your room that you would swear was an organized method. studying didn't really do you any good, your last final was here and you were drained. you felt like an idiot for being more concerned about ellie, but you had done fine in the class all semester anyway.

snow was finally starting to pile on the ground. you would appreciate the beauty more after your final was finished, when it didn't matter if your hair grew wet from the melting flakes.

campus was quiet and relatively empty as you hurried to the building in which your final would take place. you liked being early, and refused to push the time limit for an exam. maybe the thought of seeing ellie again made your feet move a little quicker, but you focused on rehearsing the study guide in your head during your walk.

your heart pounded with every step. despite actually enjoying the class, you never felt relaxed at the idea of an exam. you had been so focused on ellie, it didn't really sink in that you would be sitting still in a silent room, clock ticking quietly as you would try your best to answer each question. what if you couldn't even focus?

it was too late to worry, and too early to resign yourself yet.

you made it in time, twenty minutes early, your specialty, but quite a few people already occupied the classroom. it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, though. people usually arrived early for finals. the satisfied smile slipped off of your lips however when you noticed that ellie wasn't around.

your heart dropped.

did she opt to take the exam early? what if you had already saw her for the last time, and you had no idea?

you sunk into your seat, wanting to text ellie but you were starting to forget the wording of a definition that you were trying to memorize last minute. sparing a quick glance at your phone, you decided to pull out your study guide instead for a last review.

how the fuck were you supposed to focus?

it was technically still early, but you pulse quickened everytime someone that wasn't ellie walked into the room.

what if ellie wasn't coming? even if things were weird, you guys had become friends. it would be fucked up just to never say bye, right? unless she wasn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you were... which, let's be honest...

the door was heaved open once again and you tried not to look disappointed when in walked a guy from your class. you refocused your gaze on your study notes when suddenly a muttered "thank you" pulled you out of your thoughts.

the guy was holding the door open for someone, but you didn't need to look to know who it was.

in walked ellie, shoulders straight and eyes set. you opened your mouth, ready to say something, but she walked right past you and towards the desk that she previously sat in, before you became friends.

your eyebrows furrowed and it felt like the final nail.

but she hesitated.

ellie hesitated before backpedaling and sat down in the empty spot next to you. the act alone practically gave you an ego.

she didn't glance at you even once, and somehow that felt even more obvious than if she would've looked at you. despite the circumstance you felt giddy, determined to redeem yourself for a mistake that you didn't even make.

you eyed ellie. she was trying so hard not to glance in your direction, it was cute. you had to try. you'd regret it if you didn't. you mentally debated which was worse, regret or embarrassment.

"so," you began, wanting to sound confident instead of squeaky with nerves. "on a scale of one to ten, how fucked do you think you are for the final?"

ellie's eyes widened and you tried, you really did, not to break out into a grin.

you continued. "i think i'm standing at a solid..." you pretended to think, drawing your eyebrows together as you looked to the ceiling, but you already knew what you were going to say. "...six?"

ellie snorted. "do you just memorize everything that i say?" she quipped, finally turning toward you.

your smile was sly once you looked away from her. "i don't know what you're talking about?"

ellie rolled her eyes, but you were finally speaking again and it was so good. a little late maybe, but good.

"don't copy me," ellie said, her words clipped. you knew she was joking. "anyway, you're gonna do better than a six. you organize your notes like a crazy person."

you frowned at the teasing statement but your heart skipped a beat anyway. ellie couldn't seem to meet your eyes and it made you feel greedy, desperate to get to the bottom of things.

"how have you been?" you asked, casually enough.

ellie looked at you as though you had posed a trick question.

"it's finals week," she replied flatly, but there was something else there.

you nodded. "right, but..." you quietly trailed off. there was no point in starting a big conversation with the exam merely minutes away.

ellie seemed visibly uncomfortable.

"the last time we talked, i..." ellie began to speak without knowing where she was going to end her sentence. you really needed to memorize that definition from earlier.

you flung open your notes. "it's fine," you dismissed. it wasn't really, but maybe you didn't want to do this now.

ellie winced. "it's not," she disagreed.

last week she had practically left you in the dust. now she wants to get confrontational?

"ellie," you frowned. "do you want to look through my notes? i have the ones from the section that i helped you with, that day in the library?" you looked up curiously, hand hovering over the pages incase she accepted.

ellie laughed, short and breathy. "i'm okay."

her tone was polite and light, a drastic change from how awkward she was just being. you carried on, quickly scanning paragraphs. cramming was never helpful, but you couldn't help yourself.

"i didn't really need your notes," ellie mumbled, looking away from you and at her hands instead.

you barely caught on to the uttered confession. "hm?"

her words took a second to register in your brain, to which you finally pulled your gaze away from your notes.

"are you declining my help in a passive aggressive way, or do you have something to say?" you asked quickly, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could think it over. the classrooms were always too hot this time of year. your hands felt too dry and the feeling of them against paper was driving you crazy.

"what? no," ellie quickly corrected, shifting nervously in her seat.

you leaned over to unzip your bag that was on the floor, leaning against your chair. "i was just asking," you mumbled, pulling a small bottle of lotion from it's secure place in your bag.

ellie watched carefully as you applied a small amount to your hands. the sweet, floral notes reached her nose and she craned her neck in an attempt to read the scent name on the decorated tube.

"ellie?" you pressed, zipping your bag shut once again when you were finished with the lotion. ellie's sentence was unfinished, and you were running on little to no patience.

"i'm sorry," she breathed out. it wasn't what you were expecting and you blinked in surprise.

you would've clung to her every word, but you'd rather it be saved until your finals were over. you couldn't tell if it was a good i'm sorry or a bad one, and the result might genuinely impact your grade. it had to be discussed, you couldn't live with it being left alone. you debated biting the bullet and just asking if she wanted to hang out, but the idea of rejection made you hot in the face.

there it was again, regret or embarrassment.

if she said no, the embarrassment would most likely creep over you every night when you tried to sleep, but at least you wouldn't have to face her again. last chance.

you came out of your thought by noticing the dejected look on ellie's face. right, she said sorry.

"ellie," you tried again. "are you busy after this... or, or tonight?" you tried not to make it sound weighted, but you didn't think that you succeeded.

something of a surprised smile registered on ellie's face that she tried to suppress.

"after this?" ellie questioned, her words rushed. there wasn't much time to converse anymore. the final exam was looming.

you nodded. ellie blinked. "yes. sure," she responded, a little dazed.

satisfaction bloomed within you. it wasn't over yet.

thank god, you didn't have to work your way through this exam battling tears of rejection and heartache.

you wanted to say more, but the time that you had been prepping for weeks was finally upon you. you were stupidly emotional about the class ending. this class brought you ellie. this final was the reason for your budding friendship with ellie. you didn't want whatever this was with ellie to end with the class. you would finish the exam, and then you would talk.

"hey," ellie muttered, getting your attention quickly before the exams were handed out. "good luck," she said warmly.

you didn't bother hiding your smile. "good luck," you replied sincerely. you spared ellie one more quick glance before tuning in to focus.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

ellie left the exam before you did. she had finished first, only by a few minutes, but your heart raced. you were nearly done, just checking over answers when ellie had stood up, turned in her final, and left. she looked back at you before she had walked out of the doors. you had made eye contact. and then she was gone.

you skimmed all of the pages, making sure you had answered every question. your stomach hurt. did she leave? did she just leave?!

granted, of course, you could text her later. hopefully she would respond. but it was hard to make sense of any rational thoughts after the image of her leaving.

you did your best. you even felt fairly confident. you blindly gathered your things and turned in your exam, wishing your professor a final farewell and a happy winter break.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket upon exiting the classroom, hoping to see a text from ellie. instead, you simply saw ellie.

"oh," you said audibly.

ellie's head snapped up as soon as you appeared in the hallway. she was sitting on a bench outside of the classroom. she was waiting.

"how'd it go?" she asked hopefully.

you breathed a sigh of relief that turned into a laugh. she waited for you. the weight of the exam had been lifted off of your shoulders. now the only thing left that was bringing you down was where you stood with ellie.

"it's over," you mused, relieved that for a little while, there would be no assignments or tests to leave you in a tizzy. "what about you?"

ellie smiled in response, but her expression was lacking happiness. "we're free."

you nodded slowly, wanting to get on with it but at the same time feeling perfectly content with the small talk.

"so," you started, but the classroom door flung open causing you to flinch. another student completed the exam, exiting into the hallway. you stepped aside, drawing closer to ellie. "wanna get out of here?"

"do you have the time?" ellie questioned, looking at you almost accusingly.

your eyes narrowed. "yes," you emphasized. "that was my last exam. I am officially on winter break. also... you were the one that disappeared the last time we talked."

ellie paled, focusing her gaze on her converse. "yeah. about that..."

a small group of people came down the hallway. ellie stood up and gave you a look. "let's get out of here," she affirmed.

you trailed behind her, wringing your hands. what exactly were you even supposed to say? was this supposed to be some sort of all or nothing situation, because you really weren't very good at those...

once ellie noticed that you weren't at her side, she halted. "are... you okay?" she asked, looking unsure.

you nodded, eyes wide. you could see out of the doors, snow was falling once again. it was really starting to stick to the ground, too. the sight made your heart swell. "'it's snowing," you mumbled, awkwardly gesturing with your hand.

ellie let out a dry chuckle. "yeah, it is," she remarked, a soft smile painting itself on her lips. "wanna go to my dorm?"

you nodded once more, absentmindedly. ellie held the door open and you stepped outside, mentally welcoming the snow.

the walk was quiet. awkward. neither of you bothered with anymore small talk. it felt weird, saving the conversation until you arrived in ellie's dorm. you were anxious to see if she still had your doodles on her wall.

you made it in record time, motivated by the cold and slippery sidewalk. ellie laughed at you once you entered the building, stomping your shoes to rid them of any snow.

"you have snowflakes. in your eyelashes," ellie murmured, placing a careful hand under your chin to direct your gaze so she could examine them.

you stilled and held your breath, the feeling of her touch warming your body so much that you felt desperate to shed your coat.

"they'll melt," you whispered with an uneasy laugh.

ellie caught herself and removed her touch. your stomach flipped.

"i thought one time you said something about not liking when they melted on your eyelashes. something about your mascara running?" ellie teased, leading the way to her room.

"yeah, so i buy waterproof," you explained as if it were obvious.

ellie clicked her tongue and unlocked her door. "right. silly me," she breathed, stepping aside to let you into her room first. every action like that brought you butterflies.

you tried not to make it obvious, but you immediately looked for the notes on her wall. once your eyes landed on them, you breathed a sigh of relief. they were still there. suddenly you didn't feel so weird about keeping them on your wall either.

the room smelled like ellie. you wanted to soak it in.

ellie took off her coat, placed her bag on the floor and then dropped her coat on top of it. you followed suit, tucking your bag into a corner and shrugging off your coat. you were going to put it on the floor too, but ellie grabbed it from your hand and hung it on the back of a chair.

your cheeks warmed and you looked away.

"i feel like we should be studying or something," you tried with a small laugh.

"or something," ellie mused.

she sat on her bed, legs hanging over the side. you stood in front of ellie, avoiding eye contact.

"can i get you anything?" ellie awkwardly offered after a moment. "i don't have much left but i can offer you the water that's left in my bottle."

you rolled your eyes despite the corners of your lips, which quirked upwards. "charming. i'll pass, thank you."

"suit yourself," ellie sighed.

you were both trying way too hard to sound nonchalant. you hated it.

you stood awkwardly, not sure what to do with your hands. after a moment of hesitation, you finally made the plunge.

"ellie, did i like... say something? or do... something?"

you were scared of her answer, scared that maybe you really had been embarrassing yourself all along and now you wouldn't hear the end of it.

she looked resigned. you could tell that she was debating something, the way her eyes flicked away from your face and her eyebrows drew together.

"you didn't do anything," ellie confirmed. you could tell that she was physically working up to something. "i thought maybe... dina and jesse? i thought they might've said something stupid," she uttered.

you tilted your head in confusion, but your heart beat sped up. your mind flashed back to that moment, someone that ellie likes.

"they didn't," you reassured.

"yeaah, that's what they said too. i guess i just kinda... freaked." ellie replied, scratching the back of her neck.

"they were really nice," you offered awkwardly. "i didn't mean to make you feel weird or anything."

you even tried to avoid it, but you didn't have to explain that now. it's not like you would have actually hung out with dina and jesse... no offense to them of course, but you didn't know them so the idea made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

"you didn't," ellie pressed, adamant about not making you feel bad. "i thought that maybe i did."

you scrunched up your nose. "is that why you said the thing about freaking me out? because you really didn't."

ellie nodded. "i just thought they said something dumb. or something they shouldn't have said," she reiterated. ellie kicked off her converse.

your eyes widened, immediately thinking the worst. surely ellie was not the type of person to be nice to your face and then talk poorly about you to her friends? you honestly felt that if she didn't like you, you obviously wouldn't be standing in her room. still, the nagging thought persisted.

"something like what?" you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.

"nothing bad, i just- dude, i feel like i'm on trial when you're just standing there like that."

your cheeks heated in embarrassment. "sorry," you mumbled, taking off your shoes and carefully tucking them next to your bag. you sat on the edge of her bed, and ellie turned to face you.

ellie's eyes scanned your features once you sighed.

"this is so dumb," you muttered. to your surprise, ellie laughed in relief.

"i was being weird. and i shouldn't have been," ellie clarified. "i'm sorry i made you feel bad."

the sincerity made you feel awkward. "it's okay. we're good?"

"we're good," ellie confirmed.

you blinked, forcing a smile onto your face. you were ready for this part to be over but there was still so much to be said.

you tore your eyes away from ellie, studying the solar system poster above her bed. "i still haven't seen the planetarium," you uttered wistfully.

ellie tilted her head, staring at you while you were unaware. "i'll take you," she said automatically, the words leaving her before she was able to doubt herself.

a ghost of a smile flickered on your lips.

"i think i've only been to a planetarium a couple times, as a kid," you said, eyes glancing over the starry map.

ellie smiled, quickly glancing from your lips to your eyes.

"for my sixteenth birthday, joel took me to this awesome museum," ellie began. her tone was wistful yet determined, voice laced with her best storytelling inflections.

you turned to face her again. ellie's eyes lit up while she spoke.

"it was a science and history museum," ellie explained. you smiled at her easy enthusiasm. "-and it had this planetarium that was the coolest fucking thing i've ever seen."

the smile quickly left your lips once your mouth dropped open in realization. "oh! the pictures!" you scrambled off of ellie's bed, leaving her to look confused and mildly concerned.

"pictures?" she questioned, getting up to follow after you. you lead her to the wall that was covered in all of her drawings and photos. you could've sworn that you remembered them. you scanned her wall, looking for two pictures in particular as your face scrunched up in concentration.

"there!" you pointed excitedly. the two photos that you remembered, ellie in an astronaut helmet grinning wildly at the camera, and ellie and joel wearing hats, posed in front of a massive dinosaur display.

"are those from your birthday?" you asked, stomach twisting with your words. you hoped that you were right, or else it might be embarrassing. maybe it was embarrassing anyway, the fact that you had so vividly remembered those photos.

ellie chuckled. "yeah actually, they are."

ellie bumped your shoulder, causing you to grin at her decorated wall.

"i love how many pictures you have," you sighed. "i have such a cute camera, but i always forget to take pictures in the moment." you explained with a frown.

"bring it when we go to the planetarium," ellie suggested plainly, as if her entire sentence didn't completely cause your pulse to quicken.

when.

we.

"okay," you replied flatly, wondering if ellie could tell how uneven your breathing had gotten. fueled by blind courage, you stared at astronaut ellie when you spoke. "i'm leaving tomorrow, though. going home for break."

"we'll go after break," she clarified, looking at you.

you turned your head to meet her eyes, willing yourself not to flinch at how close your faces were. the green of her eyes were always enchanting, but this close?

you swallowed hard. "okay," you agreed.

and it was official. ellie wanted to keep seeing you after break. you had done the impossible college task, turn a class friend into a real friend.

friend. honestly, it was laughable.

"okay," ellie repeated in a whisper. her eyes bore into yours and you were frozen, wanting to pull away but your body stayed still, feet planted. she was so intense.

you forced your body to move, turning your head away from her and taking a step back. you heard ellie sigh as you moved.

"i was never trying to blow you off," you confessed suddenly, once your back was to ellie.

you obviously had caught her off guard by the way in which she hummed in surprise. admittedly, you had caught yourself off guard too, but it had been weighing on your conscience too much. you couldn't ignore the signs anymore, and as much as you would have loved to wait around for ellie to make the first move, she was too concerned about potentially freaking you out.

"remember when you asked me if i wanted to go to the dining hall with you? the first time," you clarified. "and i said that i was free the rest of the day." you busied yourself by straightening the green throw blanket on ellie's bed.

ellie nodded, even though your back was turned. "yeah?"

"and then i stopped hanging out with you after class."

"yeah."

"i... um, i lied," you confessed suddenly, whirling around to face her.

ellie's features were etched in confusion. "lied about what?" she pressed, her voice low.

all of your insecurities felt heightened by how intensely she was staring at you. you felt cowardly, explaining the next part.

"i lied about being free?" you mumbled, face hot.

ellie's eyebrows knitted together, as if to say go on...

"i have another class on those days, like, about an hour later. but... i lied and said i was done for the day because... i wanted to... hang out?"

you mentally lost your footing but got there eventually, holding your breath once you finished your sentence. the silence was daunting until ellie suddenly laughed.

"are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, eyes wide.

"n-no?"

ellie shook her head. "why didn't you just tell me that?" ellie laughed, clearly amused.

"because it's embarrassing?" you said, believing it to be obvious.

"well, yeah," ellie mused. you visibly deflated.

ellie managed to hold back her laughter as she took a small step towards you. "you could've told me," she reiterated more seriously.

"sure i could've," you mumbled, rolling your eyes. "i was too nervous. it felt so stupid."

"you skipped class to hang out with me?" ellie's eyes glinted with bemusement. you wished she would stop looking at you, you needed a break. you quite literally felt like you were burning up.

"so what?" you snapped in defense, and ellie's laughter escaped her. you frowned, crossing your arms.

"i just wish that i knew that before," ellie shrugged, taking another step towards you. you countered it by taking a small step backwards.

"yeah well..." you shrugged. "i'm sorry. it's weird."

ellie immediately shook her head. "it's not," she pressed. she went from joking to being serious so quickly. god she made your head spin.

"i just didn't wanna-" you were quickly cut off by ellie.

"freak me out?" she finished. your blank expression was enough of a confirmation.

"imagine how i felt," ellie pointed out. "i thought that maybe i... i don't know," she shrugged it off. it wasn't fair, you were totally embarrassed and she kept brushing things off. it was infuriating. she looked so cute in her hoodie.

"maybe you what?" you pressed once again. finish your sentences, ellie.

ellie took a deep breath. "maybe i scared you off."

you shook your head slowly. yeah, these conversations were not typical in normal friendships.

"you didn't," you said. your words were quiet but weighted. you prayed for ellie to catch onto the implication. please please please-

ellie took a step closer. you took a step back. your body knocked against ellie's bed and you straightened your knees.

"good," she said simply, not breaking eye contact.

"okay, enough about that," you laughed weakly. "why did you want to hang out with me in the first place?" you questioned, attempting to change your tone.

ellie's eyebrows raised. "seriously?" she asked flatly, unimpressed with your question.

whatever. this so wasn't fun.

"how would you recommend going about making friends?" ellie asked tauntingly.

"oh, you're putting me on the spot again. let's not do that anymore," you suggested. ellie laughed suddenly and rolled her eyes.

"my bad," she joked, throwing her hands in the air to resign. you smiled but the butterflies in your stomach made you feel sick.

you threw her an accusing look but she grinned, enjoying whatever this situation was. you almost felt jealous, wondering what it was that you could have possibly done that managed to boost her confidence.

"besides, you never answer any of my questions," you argued.

"well you just have so many," ellie mumbled and then frowned. "and yes i do," she defended. "i just answered your question about those pictures being from my birthday."

"ellie," you complained.

ellie mocked your tone, saying your name as a complaint.

you appeared unamused, willing the corners of your lips not to turn up.

ellie dropped the joke-y smile and genuinely appeared to be conflicted. you worried that you pressed too far, maybe things didn't need to come out right now, but you stayed silent anyway.

"fine," ellie finally said. "ask me."

"ask you what?" you quickly questioned.

"just ask me."

heart pounding, you remained still as ellie took another hesitant step towards you. you felt as though there were so many things that could go wrong. it was all dangling, right in front of you. one wrong move or one right move, you couldn't decide which it was, and everything would be out in the open. you were terrified, wanting to immediately backpedal but at the same time, you were starting to feel addicted to the adrenaline of being around ellie. you wanted to ask her so many questions but also, nothing at all.

at once it came to you, and the final exam that you had just taken felt like it had been days ago.

you wrinkled your nose. "what did you mean when you said you didn't really need my notes?"

the expression that registered on ellie's face made you feel as though you had asked the incorrect question.

"i just mean, you didn't say that you don't need my notes, you said that you didn't need my notes which doesn't make sense because-"

"i lied," ellie cut you off.

you gaped at her and ellie took another step, this one even more hesitant. you couldn't move away any further. you resigned and sat down on her bed.

"about what?" you asked, and your voice came out more quiet than you had intended. you felt like your heart was pounding in your ears.

"i didn't need your notes."

"i know, you said you didn't but-"

"no, i didn't need your notes," ellie tried again. "i never needed your notes."

she was treading lightly and you could tell. ellie tried meeting your eyes, but you stared down at your hands in your lap.

"you never needed my notes," you repeated softly.

ellie nodded once, encouraging your train of thought. she let it linger, only for a moment before clarifying. "in the library. the study group."

what?

"you never needed my notes?" your head snapped up, eyes wide as you finally met ellie's gaze. she slowly shook her head, trying to gage your reaction.

you felt humiliated, as if you had forced ellie to study with you even though that certainly wasn't the case at all. she had even encouraged it, initiated it even, but dread still filled a pit in your stomach.

"but you said that you were there for the study group!" you said, grasping for straws. ellie chuckled.

"yeah, i was. just not for the reason you thought."

you tilted your head to the side. "go on," you said, raising an eyebrow.

"i didn't need help. i wasn't there to get help. i was actually there to give help, but the person didn't show up," ellie explained.

you blinked once, slowly. you repeated her words in your mind. you let it sink in.

"oh my god," you muttered, partly in disbelief. "why did you let me help you?"

"becauuse," ellie carefully sat next to you. "i figured... if you thought that i needed help, you would stay."

her expression remained stoic despite the red blush that was creeping up onto her face. your stomach flipped.

"and i stayed," you uttered.

"you stayed," ellie confirmed. "mission accomplished," she offered weakly.

she wanted you to stay. she acted like she needed your notes so you would stay.

ellie was watching you carefully, but you didn't feel pressured to react. you wiped your palms on your pants.

"okay," you began calmly. "i hate study groups. i hate the awkward conversation, being around people that never actually speak to me. i never go to those things. the only reason that i went was because you asked me about it in class. and so i thought that i might see you there. and i wanted to see you," you added the last part, letting the words fall into the open.

"you're fucking with me," ellie immediately said.

"i'm not," you argued, defensive and buzzing.

ellie clicked her tongue in disbelief, eyeing you. shorter strands of hair always fell into her face. you wanted to swipe them away.

"jesus," ellie mused.

"is that why you wanted me to stay? you wanted to be friends?"

ellie winced at friends, and you inwardly cringed.

dear god.

"not friends," you quickly clarified. "well, friends, but..." your voice failed you, but maybe it was for the better. you wished you weren't wearing a sweater, too warm.

ellie said your name, quietly to get your attention. you met her eyes. her mouth slipped into a sly smile when she spoke.

"i sat next you because i thought that you were pretty," she uttered pointedly.

oh! like like like!

your mind and face went blank. "oh," you laughed after a second.

"oh?" ellie questioned, watching you carefully.

ellie leaned into you, elbows propped on her legs. you swallowed hard. you felt like you were watching yourself instead of actively experiencing what was happening. it was dreamlike.

"you're the only reason i haven't skipped class all semester," you blurted out. you grimaced, twisting it into a nervous smile. okay, sure, no time like the present.

ellie looked at you curiously, cocking her head to the side. "really?"

"really," you confirmed, running your fingers along the blanket on her bed.

"you definitely weren't obvious," ellie murmured, looking at you in amusement.

"i wasn't supposed to be, are you kidding? this is humiliating."

"is it?" ellie questioned, eyebrows raised in concern despite the smirk on her face.

"sort of? oh my god, i feel so dumb. i had the biggest-" you paused in hesitation, the word crush hadn't been used yet and you were reluctant to be the first.

like like like!

"i wanted to talk to you all semester," you corrected, still burning with embarrassment. "and when you sat next to me, well, i know that technically i sat next to you but that was my seat first so really all i was doing was sitting in my normal seat where i had sat every other day but then you decided to move seats so really-"

you rambles were cut off, surprisingly, pleasantly, by ellie leaning inwards and placing her hands on your shoulders. you were suddenly pulled towards her as ellie closed the gap between the two of you.

her lips, warm and a little chapped, met your own without a moment's notice. your eyes widened in surprise before you forced them shut, melting into ellie as she brought a careful hand to the side of your face. your heart pounded, butterflies exploded in your stomach and yet you tried not to think, only to enjoy it.

like!

the kiss lasted merely seconds before ellie pulled away, lifting her hands away from you. they hovered above you, the ghost of her touch lingering. you already missed it. ellie quickly scanned your face for any indication of feeling.

you were lost for words, every hopeless hope that you had held and carried with you for weeks turned out not to be hopeless after all. now probably wasn’t the best time to feel shy, but nerves consumed you.

despite them though, you laughed. “so when jesse said someone that ellie likes…”

“yes,” ellie confirmed.

you grinned. “me too.”

“yeah?” ellie asked softly.

you hummed in response, allowing your eyes to flutter shut as ellie leaned in once again. you allowed yourself to be kissed, drowning out your nervous feelings with complete and total bliss.

you pulled away first this time, drawing your knees up to your chest.

"how long?" you inquired, peering to the spot on the wall where the sticky notes were on display.

"since the first day, when a pretty girl was in my class and i had to take the seat in front of her."

"me?" you whispered, as if you were being let in on a secret. in a way, you supposed, you were.

ellie nodded enthusiastically.

"me too," you said with a frown. "good thing you finally spoke to me, 'cause class would've ended before i had the chance."

"good thing," ellie agreed with a hum. you wanted to kiss her again.

"so, is there a reason i got invited to lunch? they said something about you canceling all the time," you mused.

ellie waved it off. "just dina being dina. i was canceling but... there was only so much time left in the semester to try and impress you," ellie joked wistfully.

you shook your head in disbelief. "i can't believe this."

"you? what about me?" ellie countered. "when i saw you that night at the bar, with that guy? god, i was fucking praying that you didn't have a boyfriend or something."

"cute," you responded simply, to which ellie wrinkled her nose.

"oh, and when i gave you my number?" ellie continued on, talking animatedly now. "and you didn't text me at all during the entire weekend?" ellie shook her head, letting out a breathy laugh. "i thought it was over for me."

"i was so scared," you admitted.

"it's okay," ellie reassured you. "we got to the bottom of it."

you smiled, looking at your hands. the silence that ensued was comfortable.

"were you ever going to tell me?" you asked finally.

ellie sighed heavily, scanning your face. "i don't know. i wasn't sure if you wanted me to. i had to be sure." she looked down at your hands, fidgeting and wringing.

you nodded in understanding. "you were sort of driving me crazy these past few weeks. i couldn't tell if you actually liked me or if i was overreacting to everything."

"oh, join the club," ellie mused.

okay, note to self, trust your gut feeling. unless anxiety is controlling your gut feeling. then… disregard completely. other note to self, try to figure out the difference between a real gut feeling and an anxious, fake gut feeling.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you talked and talked with ellie until the sun went down. you had hardly noticed it had gotten dark. the shades and curtains were open, once letting in the natural light from the day. the room grew dark as night fell, but neither of you moved from the bed. you sat, talking and laughing and whispering and you wondered how cheesy you would seem if you pinched yourself.

time ticked by no matter how much you opposed it, and the threat of morning weighed heavy on you.

"i'll walk you," ellie insisted once you were putting on your shoes.

you glanced out of the window. snow was piling up quickly. it was beautiful to look at, but you dreaded the walk back to your dorm.

"are you kidding? no way," you refused. you felt bad enough the last time that ellie had walked you home, and that night's weather was nice compared to tonight.

"are you kidding?" ellie began putting on her shoes, lacing up her converse.

"i'm just going to go," you threatened flatly.

"okay, i'll just trail behind you and try not to look like a total creep," ellie retorted.

you pushed out a breath of air, trying not to smile. ellie had her jacket on quicker than you did anyway.

when ellie asked if you had gloves this time, you were proud to pull them out of your coat pocket to show her.

"a hat?" ellie questioned next.

"i can't find my earmuffs," you grumbled.

in response, ellie placed her own hat on your head, tugging it down so that it covered your ears with a look of determination on her face.

the walk was peaceful, though trudging through the quickly fallen snow had proven to be difficult. it was beautiful though, and ellie guided you with a careful hand on your arm so you could focus your gaze upward, at the falling snowflakes.

when you arrived at your dorm, you both hesitated in the cold despite your noses turning red.

"ellie, do you want to come in fo-"

"yes," ellie quickly answered. you grinned.

yourself and ellie spent two more hours talking together. you stood back and observed while ellie paced around your room, looking at pictures and trinkets. everything about her was endearing. the shy smile that graced her lips upon seeing the sticky notes on your wall was the reason behind your third kiss that night.

when ellie finally had to leave, she parted with promises to text when she had made it safely. and she did.

you traced her name from the sticky note over and over, emotions swelling inside of you. despite the calm you felt fairly overwhelmed, left with so much to process. positively overwhelmed, at least. no longer would you lose sleep, analyzing and overthinking trying to figure out if ellie could truly like you.

like like like!

you would see her again after break, it was certain. you would text her, not worrying if ellie didn't really want you to have her number.

after all, she gave it to you for a reason... just as she reminded you before leaving for her dorm.

so of course, you promised to text her.

and you did.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04 @saturnsrem @poopedmypants47 @shehitdenaenae @jrjlc

[natti-ice]

No Rest For The Wicked- Dean Winchester.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Summary: Dean’s one year life contract is coming to an end, Y/N fears this will be her last chance with Dean. Set in the episode of the same title.

Warnings: major character death, written in third person (she/her pronouns) (1.1k words)

Author’s note: this is a reupload, I wrote this a while ago!

Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated<3

The past year had definitely been wild. More demons, ex-girlfriends, selling souls, all of this in a short period of time.

What Dean did was stupid, everyone knew that. His anger and sadness took over his already not-so-logical brain. He couldn't let that hold him back anymore.

He can't take by what he did. Now, he's waiting for his final hour. Sam's efforts for trying to get his brother out of this deal, seem to all fall short. He didn't want to lose his brother for something so foolish.

These events haven't been so great for Y/N either. She had only been in the business for a few years, she started after she met the Winchesters. They became close after the boys had removed a poltergeist from her apartment.

She saw this as an opportunity for a new life, full of adventure and being able to help people from evil. She's been running around the country with them ever since.

Her personality was the opposite of Dean's which would make you think they didn't like each other. But they were closer than she was with Sam. She balanced out the boys. They're bickering and constant fighting had decreased since they became a little group.

This soul-selling situation built a wall in their relationship. He didn't tell her what he was going to do nor did he tell her after the fact. She thought they shared everything, apparently, she was mistaken.

For a few days she didn't speak to him, which was awkward since they still would share a bed. Dean would refuse to sleep with Sam and he wouldn't let Y/N sleep on the floor so he made her sleep next to him.

Thankfully, he took her aside and apologized for not telling her what he'd done. He hated that he did that to her, it pained him to see her upset.

He'd always been so fond of Y/N, he couldn't explain why. She was the coolest chick he'd ever met and she took care of him when he didn't know he needed it. There may have been a feeling or two somewhere in this friendship, but neither of them knew how to express it properly.

-

They have been looking for Lilith for what seemed like ages. Sam had been trying to get the two of them to listen to Ruby. It's kind of hard to trust a demon when they're trying to kill you all the time.

Ruby had insider knowledge of Lilith, why shouldn't they trust her? At this point, desperation had taken over Sam. His options were sparse, he'd blindly follow a demon if that meant saving his brother.

Y/N had a feeling that trusting her wasn't a good idea. It seemed too good to be true. A demon who doesn't like being a demon? sketchy. She told them about how she felt, but this seemed like a family matter.

It was the day before everything had gone down, before they went to New Harmony. The group had been researching, Y/N wasn't sure what they were looking for. It felt like they were just killing time as the end approached.

She was staring at some sixteenth-century book, her eyes heavy. Trying to understand old English isn't an easy task. She sets down the book deciding it was useless at this point. She went into the small motel bathroom to get ready for bed.

Sam was already in bed, Dean was wide awake sitting at the small table in the room. Y/N knew he must've been exhausted, the past few months wore everyone down.

"Dean you should get some rest" she said

"Yeah" he sighed getting up from the table, climbing into bed next to her. She turned off the side table light, turning so her back is facing him. 

Dean stared at the ceiling, not thinking about sleep. His mind raced with images of what he feared was his future. He felt Y/N tossing and turning trying to get comfortable until she gave up.

Now she was facing him, it was too dark to see if he was awake or not,

"Dean?" she whispers

"Yeah?"

"Are you afraid?" she had been thinking about this since the day she found out about his deal with the devil. It must be eating at him, terrified of what's to come.

"Very" he admits turning to face her "I don't have any faith in these plans to save me"

"Don't say that, maybe there's a chance" she didn't sound too convinced herself

"Y/N, you and I both know better. I'm going to die"

"I don't like to think about that, makes it too real" the small amount of light shining in the room highlighted her face, Dean could see the pain on her face

"Everything will be okay Y/N, I promise" He took his hand and light cusped her cheek "You and Sammy will be fine without me, you'll go on kicking demon ass while I'm in the firey swimming pools of hell"

"It's not funny, Dean" she stifled a laugh, lightly hitting his chest 

"I know" his voice extremely low

She could see the outline of his face, tracing every sharp feature in her head so it's stuck in her memory. 

In the back of her mind, she thought something would happen between them. They shared many stolen glances over the past year or so, both seemed to be scared to allow themselves to be happy. If they furthered their relationship, it would make their job more dangerous. Too many emotions to cloud their judgment.

This was the end, that stuff didn't matter anymore, it was time to stop holding back. She slightly sits up, leaning down toward Dean catching his lips with hers. He was a little off guard but immediately kissed her back.

She pulled away, not wanting to get carried away, especially since Sam was like two feet away from them.

"What was that for?" Dean asked taken aback

"Might be my last opportunity to go for it" she answered, he could hear the smile in her voice

"I think this is a good way to go out" he says going in for another kiss

As their make-out session got more heated, his hands started to travel down to her waist. Making her push him away

"nope, not now" she told him

"C'mon, these could be my last hours on Earth" he pleaded

"How about, if you make it out alive, I'll think about it" 

"Fine" he sighed "you're such a tease" he whispered in her ear

She kissed his cheek, cuddling into his chest. He wraps his arms around her, holding her tight against him. He didn't want this moment to end, he knew it would be his last great memory.

"Ahem" Sam clears his throat "You guys are gross"

"Sorry bro" Dean fake apologized

What followed this event was heartbreak. They found Lilith, they just weren't powerful enough to defeat her.

Dean had to make good on his end of the deal. All of their efforts were for nothing.

Sam lost his brother and Y/N lost her love.

Tags: @arthurcerverogf

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[deathbecomesthem]

Living Dead Girl - Ch. 3 Bite Me, Please

Vampire!Eddie Munson x Vampire!Fem!Reader | wc: 3K

Warnings: This story is dark. Obsession. Blood. Violence. Death. Smut (side characters) Reader is psychically manipulated by our soulless creature of the night. This is a dark story with dark characters. It is a traditional vampire story and is firmly in the horror genre.

A/N: I will be finishing this story before Halloween. Stay tuned.

---

The ground is cold, and so are you. Not that you can feel it. Your own blood is as cold as the dirt that surrounds your bed. Instead of the soft gauze canopy of your queen mattress, you stare at the silk lining inside the lid. No, not a bed, but this is a place for rest. A rest that never should end, so why are you awake?

Your mind is searching for things, what things, some things, any things. It’s slow, recalling and remembering. What you know is the hunger. The need drilling through you. You think about her – your mother – and if she chose the soft silk pillow that your head is resting upon, or if it came standard with the burial package you chose last year. The thought of her is somewhere in the foreground of your mind, wherever some semblance of consciousness remains. The forefront is occupied, a burning pain – a deep and aching hunger pain – is zipping through every part of your body. It’s so deep, deeper and any pain you could ever have experienced in the before time, when air moved through your lungs and blood pumped in your veins. The blood doesn’t flow now, the air doesn’t enter your deflated lungs – the hunger and need are the only things that remain.

You know you’re down low in a hole, at least six feet of loose dirt between you and open night air. You shouldn’t be able to, but you can hear peepers singing, and even the faint muffled hoot of an owl. You know the moon must be up, because so are you, and you’re going to get out of this soft silk prison before the moon fades in the presence of its master – the sun.

You run your fingers along the fabric overhead along a seam. Before that night by the river when your life was snuffed out in a lustful drink, your greatest fear was being trapped inside a small space unable to find a way out. Now though, you think about your hands and how strong they feel. It’s then, with your hand pressed against the seam in the cloth, that you know what your hands are capable of.

So you tear. And then you push – hard. You bring your elbow up to strike at the inside of the lid of your casket. You know you’re deep in the earth, but you also know that a few feet of dirt and the wood of this casket are the only things standing between you and that meal your body is desperate for. Every passing second, the hunger pains burn more. You need to be out of the ground before this night is over.

-

This has never happened before. The stopping of the blood has always halted the connection leaving his mind to itself again. This is the time he reconnects with himself, or at least the pale visage of the man he once was. His living self hidden deep inside the husk of his body. With the hunger satiated, he can enjoy things without the constant pain and need throbbing inside his gut. He can focus on the other things in existence that he desires, his friends, music, and the books. Oh, the books are his favorite. The walls of his chapel are lined with them, and his friends bring him more to devour at least once a month. It’s his favorite collection.

Right now, though, he’s awoken with the taste of dirt in his mouth, and a sense of emptiness like he’s never felt before. Except for that one time – when he was becoming. He shouldn’t need the blood yet, it’s only been three days since he tilted your head and let his teeth sink into you. Since he lapped at your beautiful neck and drank down your life. Your sacrifice should last longer. A part of him was sad to see your pale skin in the light of the moon. You had given yourself to him so completely, it felt something like love. He had felt the loss of you, but it faded away while his strength returned to him. So why, why is the pain of hunger whirling inside of him? No, not in his gut, but in his mind, a distant ache that is crying out to him from somewhere else.

He's up and his feet hit the cement floor at a run. He can smell the blood in the air, and it’s not far. The familiar beating of a warm heart, the smell of fear. It’s you, you’re the inside of him, and he knows it now. The last one, and you’re so hungry. So very hungry. And full of rage.

--

Hours and hours of scratching and wading through the loose earth has only stolen even more of the humanity you may have had hiding somewhere deep inside. You can smell them. Blood and lust sneaking through open valleys in the dirt as you climb and scratch and wade. Them. Them. Them. Your fingers finally reach up and through the dirt into the open air. As you pull yourself out of your grave, it hits you hard in every part of your body. A cramp seizes you that gnawing ache. You’re famished. Starving. Your lips retreat as you bare your teeth and growl. The animal is fully awake.

The warm moist air licks across your cold cheek. The moon is hidden behind clouds tonight, but there’s enough light peeking through to show your dirt covered shroud. You recognize it, the yellow sundress. An 18th birthday gift from your mother that you wore once and threw in the back of your closet. Of course, on hearing of your death, she dug it out so she could force you to wear it in your grave. Well, you’re out now, and you strip the dress over your head, shaking the dirt out of your hair as you discard it over your shoulder. Now you can move freely towards the sounds of whispers and giggles nearby, and the smell of lusty blood pumping hot through veins.

Nose and ears lead your way through the tombstones. A needling thought when you were underground has turned into full knowledge. He’s here somewhere. The one that did this to you is somewhere close. He’s been pushed back in your mind by the hunger, but you can hear him. And he’s calling you to him. Your bloodlust is too strong, he has no power over you. You’re too strong, stronger than he is. You’ll deal with him later. He lied to you. He promised you forever. Forever. No, you can’t think about him right now, you can’t let him pull you away. Not with the gnawing need, the cramping ache in your gut, the answer to which is the couple currently pushed up against the side of the mausoleum at the end of the row in which you’re standing.

“Oh baby, you’re so wet for me. You want me to fuck you around all these dead bodies?” The moan that echoes out into the night air tells you that, yes, in face she does want to be fucked in this graveyard. The disrespect. It’s disgusting. It will be a mercy, justice for the souls that are found inside the old moss-covered building.

It’s perfect. Did they plan this, the way he has her pinned with her face pressed against the stone wall? An invitation for you. The blood pumping inside of them, moving in the same rhythm as their hips, causes your mouth to open like a cat smelling the air for its prey. He doesn’t notice your noiseless approach behind him. His bare ass is glowing in the moonlight while your breathless mouth moves to the side of his neck where his vein calls you. Begging for you to bite. To drink. Your teeth are so sharp now, you don’t know how or when they were brought to a sharp point, but your own tongue bleeds from the sharp edge of a canine.

“Fuuuuucccccckkkkk,” your teeth sink into his neck, the pain and fear causing his rhythm to stutter. Warm, thick, and full of sweet tasting desire, his blood coats the inside of your mouth and throat while you gulp and moan. You can’t stop the sound erupting form deep inside your chest, a satisfied growl.

“Ben, what’s wrong –“ the girl is trying to push the limp body of her boyfriend off her back, she’s fully pinned to the cool brick wall while you drink the life from his vein. You can smell her fear heightening, and you know it will sweeten her offering to you. The last suck at his jugular produces nothing more than a drop on your tongue, you snarl and shove his limp body to the ground.

He’s getting closer, you can feel him. His own rage being fueled by fear and uncertainty. He’s confused, yes, but he’s moving fast. You know it won’t be long. You focus your attention on the second course that stands in front of you. The girl with her pants around her knees. She tries for a quick break, stumbling pathetically over the lifeless form of her lover. She is screaming, yet it does not move you. You’re still so hungry, and she smells like dinner.

--

He can feel the blood racing down his throat, iron rich and warm, his own teeth are bared and snapping at the empty air as he races across the ground and leaps over headstones. The screaming, a girl, stops abruptly. He finally sees you, naked and covered in dirt. You let the body of a girl fall to the ground and it lands gently on another form. Another dead body. How is this possible?

He thinks he’ll be able to stop you, but when he reaches out for your bare shoulder, you snatch his hand, twisting the wrist at an unnatural angle. You turn to him, never letting go of his hand, even while he drops to his knees in pain. He takes in the sight of you, dirt stuck to your skin and matted in your hair. So much blood around your mouth and down your bare chest. Your only clothes a pair of cotton underwear, brown with a layer of dirt and blood.

A feral dog, he thinks, I’m gonna have to put her down. He doesn’t say the words out loud. The do not form on his lips and enter the world – but she hears them, nonetheless. He sees a flash of fear across her face and takes his chance, not questioning yet how she could hear the thoughts in his mind. He hears her thoughts, too, and knows she’s going to run. Far and fast, she’s filled to the brim with the life of these two laying on the ground beside him, and his strength has started to wane ever so slightly. He only had the one, and she’s currently standing in front of him looking like a rabid animal.

The thought of mesmerizing you, looking into your mind and connecting again, he knows would be pointless. It won’t work, or it’s already working, he isn’t sure. In that split second of thought, he decides, grabbing your hair at the root and shoving your head into the stone wall behind you. And again. One more time, until your limp body falls into his arms, and the wound at your temple oozes blood. She’ll heal soon enough, he reminds himself as he pulls you into his arms in the way a groom holds a bride when moving through the threshold, and races against the sunrise that’s started peeking through the trees.

--

The gnawing ache is gone; it’s been replaced by a splitting pain in your head. You try to extend your hand to touch the source of it, to press against it and hold your brain together, but your arm halts mid reach. You try again and find that, while you’re resting comfortably in a warm bed, your arms are shackled to the cement wall behind you. A flood of remembering happens in a flash. The casket. The digging that went on forever. The hunger. The blood filling your mouth and throat that satiated every need that you’ve ever felt in your entire life and death. And him. What had he done to you?

At the thought of Eddie, your nose picks up the scent of him. It’s everywhere. The room, it’s a basement you know from the coolness and the faint smell of mildew, reeks of him. The rage starts to simmer in your gut as he fills your senses. You know he’s not here, because you don’t hear him. Not in the air around you, not in your mind. Has he cut you out, somehow? Found a way to silence the noise of you. If he has, you’ll find a different way for him to hear you.

It’s his fault. You’re like this because of him. He took you. No – you can’t lie to yourself, not here in his space. You gave yourself to him because he promised. He said forever, but it was a lie. He didn’t mean that. He meant for as long as you drew breath into your lungs, as long as your heart continued to beat. That’s not forever, not for what you’ve become now.

You sit in that space, with the moon sneaking through the slit in the black curtains, and you wonder where he is. When he’ll be back. And you tug at the chains. Because you still have strength in you, Ben and the girl, their offering still sits inside like a fire burning bright. What a waste it would be to spend their offerings – their gifts – sitting in this basement alone. Eddie will pay for this.

--

He knows you’re awake. He can feel the chains snap against your wrists. It’s taking everything he has to stop you from seeing him. Seeing his mind. He has his headphones on tightly covering his ears. The sound of static is playing through the wires, and he hopes it’s enough. He needs to think dangerous when you can see inside of him.

It’s been years. He hasn’t had to worry about anything other than his next meal and hiding from the world. It’s been mostly easy. The town itself is robust. College students fill every corner of every space, the energy they bring into the atmosphere is electric. Eddie felt like he was drawn to this place. It’s been good to him. Sometimes when he really focuses, he can put his hand to the earth and feel something below calling to him. The living breathing world that feeds him what the blood cannot. A place in this world, however dark it must be.

You’re going to destroy that place. The delicate dance of careful consumption, the friendships he’s built and nurtured. The music, oh god, the music. From the first moment he learned he could enter into the minds of those around him, he’s learned so much about the living. The emotions deep inside of someone that no one else gets to know, except for him of course. He can see and feel. He can love through those explorations, something that is otherwise lost to him. When his fingers rest on the strings of his guitar, when he closes his eyes and runs up and down the neck, he can almost love it. He wants it. He needs it. That’s as close as it can be to love.

What did you want? He’s been resisting the urge to reach back into your hidden places. He needs to know your wants and needs so he can exploit them in his favor. So he can convince you to play the part that he’s learned so well.

He cannot deny what he feels. Under those human desires and wants is a more urgent want. A beating in his bloodless heart. He thinks, again, that it feels like love to him. The foam of the headphones pressed against the shell of his ear can keep you out of his mind, but it is not keeping him apart from the urges. He wanted to fuck you in the open air, over the bodies of the dead lovers. You wanted that too. He could feel it. The thought terrifies him. He has no room in his life, no room in this life after death, for something like you. A wild and angry thing that wants to burn the earth, which wants to burn him. To devour him and everything he is. The rage inside both you and Eddie is fueled by something neither of you can control.

These thoughts in his mind created a rip in the seal surrounding his mind, and he can feel your icy fingers tickling at the edges of his brain. He can see your bare chest covered in lifegiving blood. He can smell your scent filling him up. The way your blood tasted in his mouth, his teeth in your soft skin. The tender kiss you shared at the water’s edge. Oh, to be back there, with you in his arms, begging him for something only he can provide. The eternal release was a gift in exchange for your sacrifice.

But those fingers in his brain start to squeeze, and he sees your hands desperately digging through the dirt. He sees you alone in your casket pounding against the wood until your knuckles were cracked and bleeding. He feels the rage inside of you, the need to bring an equal and measured pain to him. She is searching his mind for something, sneaking.

Eddie throws the headphones off his head and stands. He is not surprised to find that he’s sporting an erection, having you inside of him has him feeling things that he would rather never feel. His body is reacting against his own will. Now he can here the jingle of the chains. You’re still fighting against them while you linger at the edges of his mind.

It’s sing song and sweet, the words that come from both behind the basement door and inside his own head, “Edddddddiiiiieeeee, come see me. I’m lonely.”

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Rachel Daly x Reader

White Tape Kisses

Sitting patiently in the stands waiting for the game to start and hoping you will see your girlfriend score tonight, the lights dimmed as the light show was about to start. This was your first ever England game and if your friends from America saw you now you knew what they’d be saying. You could hear their chants ringing in your ears at seeing you wearing an England shirt but you swore the only one you’d ever wear would be one with Daly on your back. You and Rachel have been together for almost a decade; meeting at college then both being drafted to Houston Dash together. When she made the decision to move back to the UK, there was no question that you would join her.

Watching the light show as the flags were rolled out you thought you heard your name being called from a distance, shrugging it off as hearing things among all the noise. That’s when you noticed the calls getting louder and if you weren’t mistaken, it was Rachel.. but she’d be in the tunnel by now with the team? Looking around to where the voice was coming from you were surprised to see her running along the side line towards you. Appearing in front of you with tears welling in her eyes and her hands shaking. “They’ve done it wrong, it’s too tight, get it off me, get it off!” she spluttered while waving her wrist at you in visible panic. Clasping your hands onto her cheeks to quickly analyse her facial expression and behaviour to realise she was in the midst of a panic attack caused by the tape on her wrist being too tight. Looking down at her hands that were shaking, she was desperately clawing at it with her fingernails trying to get it off. Instinctively bringing her hand up to your mouth and ripping it off quickly with your teeth letting the tape fall to the floor. You threw your arms around your girlfriend with the barrier wedged between your bodies to hold her until you felt her breathing had returned to normal, a few tears were shed in relief as the lights flashed around you.

“Can you put it back on for me please, Millie’s not here” Rach croaked with sadness tinged in her words. You knew how she liked the band from Dash and Villa game days - not too tight, wrapped around twice, on her left arm, the letters in large capitals in black pen, written over multiple times to make the letters bold and noticeable.

You were part of the Daly family and was treated like a daughter by her mum and dad so knew how much Rachel adored her father. You’ve been there every difficult step of the way, it was you who suggested the tape bracelet when he first passed and now in this moment of panic you were putting it on her for the first time for an England game.

It was a whole process, but one you and Millie had down to a tee and with her bestie injured, she had to enlist another teammate to help her with it - someone that hadn’t been as knowledgable when it came to your girlfriend’s match day quirks. Rachel passed you the roll of tape that she had in her pocket as you unravelled enough and used your teeth again to tear it. “Be careful, don’t break them” her hand softly stroked along your jaw line. “Someone didn’t bring any scissors did they” you joked which raised a small smile from your beauty. Gently wrapping the tape around her wrist as she watched you seal it intently. You then asked a fan nearby if they had a sharpie and carefully wrote DAD on the inside of her wrist, bending down to kiss it then raising her arm up to her lips for her to kiss it too. Rachel’s eyes never left yours as you emotionally anchored each other, your connection so strong you could read each other like a book. “Is that better?” Rachel nodded gently “I love you so much”, “I love you more, now go score for him” holding her wrist towards your lips for one last kiss before running back to her team who were starting to lead out onto the pitch. Swiftly joining the line up with minimal distraction to the others as she proudly sang the national anthem.

[wisteriaw0rld]

Can I request a semi-part 2 for Zohakuten x Reader where the clones invite Reader over for dinner/a hangout, which leads to the Clones becoming closer to Reader (platonically), making Zohakuten jealous cause less of Reader’s attention is on him now. Baby just wants his alone time with Reader 😭

-ˋˏ ༻zohakuten x reader༺ ˎˊ-

||synopsis: Zohakuten was quick to assume that after the first few incidents occurred of the clones interrupting his time with you, they’d eventually get bored and leave the two of you alone again. He was wrong. Very wrong. No wonder he kept you a secret from them. (fem! reader) - (thank you for requesting<;3)

“You say you miss me and I wanna say I miss you so much”  -Lana Del Rey

From the first time you met the clones, you had genuinely gotten a little scared of them. The green eyed and yellow eyed ones acted carelessly with you, despite knowing of your fragility compared to them. As for the anger one, he was simply just ill-mannered 

The only one you seemed to get along with was Aizetsu. And Zohakuten already felt a slight pang of jealousy whenever you hung out with him. Zohakuten knew you wouldn’t leave him. Not when you were constantly clinging to him. He simply found it hard to watch you get along with the other clones. 

 ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ 

“A what?” You asked with a confused face while staring up at the sorrow demon in front of you. 

“A dinner.” He stated once more, in his usual sad voice. Upon hearing the same answer you only got even more confused. A dinner? With all the other clones?

“But I thought demons don’t eat human food.” You questioned Aizetsu, tilting your head to the side in a confused manner. Aizetsu simply nodded, confirming your statement.

“We’ll cook for you. We stole a cook book for you from the last family we…” Aizetsu trailed off, not exactly understanding how to tell a human that he slaughtered another human family just for a cook book.

“Yeah, alright. So when did you say to come over for dinner?” You questioned, laughing at Aizetsu’s inexperience of talking to a human.

“Later tonight.” He replied with his usual sad smile. “Now I have to go before Zohakuten comes. I’ll come back to pick you up.” Aizetsu gave you a small head pat before disappearing into the woods. You smiled, hoping to actually learn more about the other clones and get less fearful around them. 

 ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘

A visible frown formed on your lips at the putrid smell coming from the small bowl of what was supposed to be soup. You looked up hesitantly at Sekido who had made the soup for you. He was wearing a small Chef hat given to him by Urogi. 

“Hah! I told you she wouldn’t like your cooking!” Karaku teased while nudging Sekido. From what Aizetsu told you, Karaku made the soup for you, Karaku and Urogi made the bread, and Aizetsu had simply made a juice for you. And you were so ready to wash down the soup if you desperately needed to.

“She hasn’t even tried it yet!” Sekido argued back while nudging Karaku back harder.

You mentally sighed to yourself as you got a spoonful of the soup. The disgusting smell filled your lungs. The soup itself didn’t look bad. It just smelled bad. Really bad.

Despite not at all wanting to take a single sip of the soup, you looked up again feeling bad if you didn’t. Aizetsu gave a small thumbs up as you quickly shoved the spoon into your mouth.

You paused. It didn’t taste bad. In fact, it had actually tasted really good. The moment you your eyes lit up at the taste, Sekido smiled at Karaku being proven wrong. 

“I told you she’d like it!” Sekido yelled in triumph while you let out a small laugh. 

Suddenly, you heard another person enter the room. Looking over, you saw Zohakuten enter. The moment he noticed you he seemed shocked that you were even there to begin with. “Y/n?” He asked looking over at you before looking at the others, each of them either wearing a chef hat or an apron.

An annoyed sigh left Zohakuten as he was just about to leave to visit you in the usual spot. But seems like you were already here. Without any words, Zohakuten walked over to you, grabbing your hand in his own and pulling you over to the room he had been in.

“Y/n why are you here with them?” He asked while his grip on your hand slowly got tighter. Just by the way he had been acting, you could tell he was a little jealous. 

“They invited me over for dinner. It felt rude to pass up the offer..” You responded, making Zohakuten turn his gaze to the shoji door.

You look around the room before finally choosing to sit down in the tatami cushion on the floor. Zohakuten took a seat next you, whispering a small apology as if you were forced to come here.

“Don’t worry about it, they seem nice.” You put your head down gently in his shoulder. You felt him stiffen for a few moments before relaxing once more. Only a few seconds later, you heard the shoji door behind the two of you slide open.

“Y/n! You didn’t try my bread yet!” Karaku intruded, hoisting you up to walk you out of the room. You gave an apologetic look to Zohakuten as he just silently glared daggers at the other clone.

 ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ 

You thought that the moment you were done with eating the bread they prepared, your time with them would end and you would go back to Zohakuten.

But the moment you finished the bread, you saw Aizetsu. And his hair was a mess. You offered to brush it quickly to return to Zohakuten right after. 

“You really didn’t have to do this. He’s probably looking for you..” Aizetsu told you while sitting criss cross on the floor as you gently brushed through his tangled hair.

“AIZETSU!-” Urogi burst through the door, Karaku following close behind. The moment Urogi saw you brushing Aizetsu’s hair, he let out a loud and joyful gasp.

“Hey! Brush my hair too!“ He yelled enthusiastically, taking a seat next to Aizetsu while you let out a small laugh. Soon enough, Karaku joined, taking a seat in front of you as well.

You nodded with a small smile, thankfully the two didn’t have much tangled hair which made it easier and faster to brush. That was until Sekido also walked into the room, confused at what was going on. Before he could get a word out, Karaku dragged him over to sit in front of you.

Without a doubt he had tangled hair. Which wasn’t much of a shock. Eventually you came across a large tangle which you didn’t mind brushing through. While brushing, your body jolted at the shoji door making a loud bank as it was slid open. Showing Zohakuten.

Who obviously didn’t seem to happy to see you with the others. Silently, he walked over, grabbing your hand making you drop the brush on the floor.

“Hey, she was just about to brush mine again!” Karaku whined. Almost immediately, Zohakuten grabbed the brush off the floor and smacked the back of it against Karaku’s head.

He muttered a small shut up before he intertwined his fingers with yours, walking you out of the room and sliding the door shut.

“Sorry, I got distracted..” You told Zohakuten as you finally entered the room you were in earlier. He took a seat in the same tatami cushion as earlier. He pulled you gently by his side, your head soon after falling gently onto his shoulder once again. 

It didn’t take long for Zohakuten to then lay his head on yours, you falling asleep short after. 

He wasn’t able to sleep, no demons were. But he closes his eyes, enjoying the moment with you as the smallest blush dusted his cheeks.

Even with his eyes closed, he could tell all four of the clones were peeking through the small opening of the door. He didn’t mind. At first. Then he opened his eyes, shooting a glare at the clones while Aizetsu just hurriedly closed the door. At least he would finally get some time with you.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep1 Musings - Looking for Home: Louis, Claudia & Daciana

They flip between siblings and parent so much even I was getting whiplash--no wonder Lou's confused. U_U

This was EEEEEEEEVIIIIIIL, AMC! 😭 Louis carrying Grace's wedding portrait, and using it to FAKE his identity in Europe, after Grace couldn't even go to Europe for her own honeymoon cuz Paul died--STOP IT! 😭😭

And you can hear just a few quick seconds of the DPDL lietmotif that always plays for Grace, Paul, and sibling!Claudia, before it takes this SUPER dark and ominous tone--the song has been tainted, just like Lou's relationship with Grace and Claudia was tainted.

Go AWF, Claudia!

And then she finds ONE, and it was so heartbreakingly touching.

I was hoping she was Alessandra, but nope, she's an AMC!OC, Daciana. I'm assuming they were nodding to one rando revenant:

And she is obviously the same "Anna" the kids were singing about--(very Gaunter O'Dimm of them, I love it 💀)--living like frikkin Baba Yaga in a grimy castle in the woods.

Daciana killed her own fledgling after Claudia blinded him--after the revanant AND Daciana attacked them first, but whatever. Cuz she said he wouldn't be able to hunt/feed with no eyes--so it can't heal; her fledglings are too effed up. She's officially the last one in the area.

And I get it now--the bear(?) head Claudia breaks off of the dead vampire's sarcophagus was a heraldric figurehead. Claudia showed it to Daciana, as a way of asking her who that dead vamp was.

She didn't want to tell them her story or hear theirs--but she wanted them to know about Cezare Romulo (RIP). (It's crazy how in 5 minutes The Vampire Daciana was way more effective than a whole hour of Dierdre Mayfair. 🙄😒) She complimented Claudia's blood, saying it tasted like the cream of the crop. Daciana only told them her name, and that she was waiting for her children--fledglings or real ones, who knows (I bet both).

Only for Daciana to kill herself right in front of them (RIP). 😔🔥

This is so sad, but it was obvious she was gonna do that.

Stop teasing the Children of Darkness after this Alessandra fake-out. She's got the same darkness in her that Nicki (AND Louis) had. And we know where that means. 🔥💀🔥

These vampires are STARVING--hungry for family, love, home: LIFE.

So is Claudia! 😭😭😭 She wants a blood spouse! She wants a companion!

So I LOVE that Morgan clocked Louis on Grace's photo--that ain't yo wife! The gaydar was beeping the second your pretty arse walked in!

Like, it's been established that Louis is a terrible liar-you don't need an investigative journalist to figure that much out. Louis is TOO honest--he was dumb AF for telling Morgan his real name! I get why he did it in the book--again: desperate to make a connection.

But on the show it comes across way different--Louis almost immediately tells Morgan his name (he doesn't do that for Emilia, even though SHE called him pretty! Istg I was picking up some flirtatiousness with Lou & Morgan; put those pheromones AWAY 😂). But you come across MIGHTY SUS if your Black arse is going around switching identities on all these twitchy Europeans, Louis!

Like baaaaaasicallllllyyyyyyy!!! 🤦 You see them shooting up corpses just to make sure--you think they won't shoot YOU!?!

Anyways, it's so cool that they made Morgan a photographer--so is THIS why Louis starts taking photos!? 🤩📸

Cuz I've been wondering how Louis makes money in Paris so they don't have to pickpocket anymore?

I love that they included this.

No matter where they go, they have to pose as Black servants and maids and VALETS and SLAVES, white folk are the same regardless of the country.

Which was an interesting parallel with Daciana, and how much they were hyping up America.

She was clearly nuts, but smart & sane enough to realize that 2 (two!) Black vampires had fled their oh-so-great "land of the free" to come to HER busted AF blown up war-torn country, so why should she expect to have any happiness over there?

I don't know a lick of Romanian, but I wonder if the "another one" she was referring to was the soldier, or the country. As Daciana realized that no matter who she made her new fledgling, and no matter which country she ran to, she'd be alone & unhappy without the people she loved--her HOME.

Home is where the HEART is! Claudia's been homeless this whole time! Daciana's got that huge castle, but lives all alone--she can't make proper fledglings. Meanwhile Louis still thinks NOLA is home, even after they killed everyone who knew them--"including" Lestat!

*sigh* I hate this effing show, it's so dang good. 😭

[cherryblossomchronicles]

The revelation of Seok-Ryu's past was a gut-wrenching blow.

Going from the high of deciding to spend the rest of your life with your partner to realizing you might not even have the time for that must have been devastating for her. But then choosing to not tell your best friend about it, your family? It would have totally crushed her to go through all of that alone and put a strong front for them.

“It’s okay Seok-Ryu, it’s not a big deal.

I’ll get better. I’ll tell them after I get better.

It’s not a big deal, its nothing.”

As an elder daughter, Seok-Ryu had internalized the societal expectation that she should be the pillar of strength for her family. This pressure to always be "okay" had become so ingrained in her that she felt compelled to hide her struggles. Her reassurances to herself that "it's not a big deal" were a desperate attempt to maintain a facade of normalcy.

This is such a consistent thing with elder daughters in a family. We must have it all planned, we must be able to solve everything, survive anything that we prefer to tell anyone about our problems when we have already solved them. This habit becomes so ingrained in us that we stop telling people even about the things that we should.

“I’m going to worry about a recurrence next year and the year after that.

Even if I remain in complete remission for five years, I won’t be completely free.

I’ll always be near death’s door. I am going to feel a little anxious and sad.

That’s how my life’s going to be.”

This is the life of a cancer survivor. Even if you’ve risen triumphant from the battle, war is not yet done – rather your entire life is now a war. You can’t rest it easy. Stress, anxiety and fear will constantly dog your steps and make a home in your routine. This is what Seok-Ryu’s reality look like with her mental health taking a steep nosedive due to her physical health. She had to let go of so many aspects of her life to deal with her new reality. All this while she was also dealing with her slowly crumbling relationship with Hyeon-Jun.

When she could finally let go of that threads tying her back to the toxic part of her life and decided to come home, she realized there is another battle that she must face – lying to everyone she loves day-in and day-out. And she did, pretended that everything is fine, that things didn’t work out for her, that she had burnout – that she came back due to workplace harassment. Everything was acceptable but the truth. That little nugget was something that no one could know about. For all the problems, scorns and disappointment that she had to face and go through, the reality of the hellscape her life turned to was known only to her and she was happy in that escape. Even if she had to pretend, make herself sick, avoid the situations and deny herself the things she wants, if she could believe that everything is back to normal for few moments – all of it would be worth it.

“That’s why I don’t need love anymore.

The stomach I have left can barely handle digesting my dream.”

In all this, one thing that made me immensely sad was her decision that she and her situation is the problem. What happened with Hyeon-Jun made her think that no relationship would be able to survive the stress that comes as a complimentary gift of being with her. And she? She swore off it. Everything is acceptable in her books, everything, but ruining her friendship with Choisseung.

She knows he likes her, she also remembered that she liked him first, in their past but she would rather be selfish and keep Seung-Hyo in her life as her friend. At least with it comes a guarantee that even if he gets angry, mad or furious with her, it’s all temporary. That their friendship is made of sterner stuff to crumble under this pressure. She can’t say the same about relationship and repeating the slow death of a relationship like the way she experienced is the last thing she wants to do. Especially when the person in question is someone, she holds very dear.

Having decided upon the truth about being with her, she went ahead to turn him down as gently as she could, crushing any hope while also trying to preserve as much of their friendship as she could.

Seok-Ryu wants. She wants to be happy. She wants to not have to worry. She wants to cook for a living. She wants to see her parents happy. She wants to see Seung-Hyo successful. But more than that – she wants to keep seeing that smile on his face and she knows being with her is the fastest way to lose it.

[sunkissedscribbles]

Prejudiced - Chapter Ten

this is only a part of the series, the previous and next chapters can be found here 

a/n: another shorter chapter but– i won't spoil the next one🤭

word count: 1173

tw: swearing, mentions of sex

summary: just pure angst.

<previous chapter          next chapter>

dividers by @chachachannah

✰ The doors to Mattheo's and Theo's dorms open and they share a look before Ki's fist has nothing to touch anymore as Enzo's opens as well. This isn't going to end well.

The disappointment is written all over my face, my eyes have never been sadder. Yet, I feel so detached from my body as this aching pain is weighing down my heart, pressuring and enchanting my entire being as my fingers are clutching Enzo's notebook in my right.

I hear Kiara yelling, but I have no idea what she's saying. It's as if my senses were underwater, I feel like drowning as this stupid, suffocating lump in my throat only grows bigger and bigger.

How could they bet on something like this – girls, their bodies, and their pride? And how could Enzo make it a game, ever so disgustingly?

Kiara suddenly presses the piece of paper against Enzo's chest as she's done shouting at him, and the boy staggers back a little bit from the angry force of the short brunette, then, clutching the paper he looks up watching as Kiara marches through the corridor, over to Theo's door next to Mattheo's, shooting a glare at the latter. Theo opens his mouth to speak but he only squirms a little bit as Kiara's palm finds his cheek with a sharp snap. He stumbles back with his hand on his cheek where it stings.

"Why'd I get th–?"

"Why didn't you stop them?" Ki cuts in and shakes her head, her voice interlaced with hurt and rage.

"It wasn't my business!" he objects, rubbing his cheek.

"I'm in that fucking book, Theo!" she snaps. "Taking my virginity wasn't enough? You wanted them to fuck me too?"

This is the moment it sinks in for Theo – I can see it on his face as he realizes what exactly was on that one page. His best friend, our friends (or at least Enzo) wanted to take advantage of our bodies.

I, in the meanwhile toss the book in question on the cold stone floor Kheo is so immersed in arguing that they don't notice the loud thud it leaves behind – but the two other boys do.

"I'm done," I scoff at Enzo, and then glare at Mattheo with watery eyes, knowing he still remembers the kisses from last night, and a month ago. Was it all about that, too? "How many points have you got for me?" I ask with an easily noticeable tremble in my voice as I keep my eyes locked on Mattheo.

I've never thought that he'd ever be the one who hurt me like this. Now, with my memories obvious and clear, not clouded and foggy because of the alcohol and weed like last night, and not hazy thinking it was just a dream, I remember the softness of his lips perfectly, the feeling of his hands roaming over my body.

"None!" Mattheo shakes his head and comes closer, but I scoff and turning away, I shoot one last glare at Enzo and start to walk away, leaving the book behind, on the floor, and Ki arguing with Theodore. "Cassie–" Mattheo reaches for my wrist and spins me around but I free it from his grip as I stare into his eyes.

"I thought you were different! I thought I knew you," I say, hurt but too calm for the inner pain and disappointment I feel. I'm shutting down.

"You do!" he insists, his eyes desperate and pleading for me to just stop as I take a few steps up the stairs. "Please," he shakes his head, his voice small, "Just let me explain!"

"Alright, why not," I scoff and let out a bitter little laugh. "I'll listen if you answer three questions!"

He nods, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

"Were you in it too?" I cross my arms, tears forming in my eyes.

He nods, "Yes..."

I scoff and lock my gaze with his, "And have you ever mentioned it to me?"

"No, but–"

"And now you seriously think I'll ever forgive you for this?" my voice comes out in a small, lifeless whisper, mixing with sadness, hurt, and disappointment.

He chews on his bottom lip silently as his eyes start to well up as well. It would normally break my heart to see him like this. But not in a moment like this. "Cassie, please–"

"I've listened enough already!" I snap bitterly as I turn around again and run up the stairs, taking the steps two at once.

I feel the tears of betrayal and disappointment make their way and start flowing down my cheeks. I have no idea why I thought they were better than this. I mean, I knew they were fucking around with random girls but this? Betting and making it a game? Just straight-up disgusting and sexist.

I don't know if Enzo's or Mattheo's behaviour hurts more.

You can only be disappointed if you trust people – Enzo's been there for years for me, but maybe I have trusted Mattheo too soon. Maybe I shouldn't have trusted him at all. I can stand up for my Slytherin friends all I want because people assume the worst of this house but next time I let a Slytherin in I'll be more cautious.

I won't get fooled again if I don't catch feelings. I won't get fooled again if they can't get to me. Maybe it's all Mattheo has wanted all this time; get into my mind, into my heart, and make his way into my panties just to use me. Would he really have done that? I don't even know anymore. I'm confused.

The tears won't stop, they keep raining down my cheeks as I shut the dorm door behind myself. They only get worse when I see the half-done dress hanging from my door, remembering how I wished for someone to ask me to the ball. The disappointment suddenly weighs more on my heart, feeling worthless, and absolutely devastated.

Kiara stumbles into my room, crying just as hard as me and she lies down on my bed, crying into my pillows. I try to swallow my tears back to calm down and be able to lie down next to and comfort her, and as soon as her tears subside, mine start to pour down with heavy drops against my mattress, and burying my face into it, she starts caressing my back now.

"Fucking pricks," I sob into the plush cushion.

"I'm gonna be a lesbian," Ki mutters, the salty water starting to run down her cheeks again. I roll over onto my back and pull her down, her head now resting on my chest and her fist tight on my shirt as she's gripping it.

"You know what?" I speak up after quite a few minutes of just lying there, crying silently in unison and circling my hand over her back, "Let's go together. To the ball."

She takes a few seconds to consider it, then nods against my chest, letting out a heavy breath.

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[agent-cakeshroom]

MORE BROZONE FIC IDEAS I PROLLY WONT WRITE (I apologize ;^;)

JD is the only brother that truly leaves, like escapes Bergen town to go hike the trails. Clay goes to stay with other members of the sad book club, Floyd and Bruce end up staying together in a spare pod while they both figure out where exactly they want to go. When Grandma gets snatched, all three brothers are notified and immediately return home. Their colors dull down in response to the trauma, but as they slowly heal they also help Branch regain color much earlier. Then the escape! You could either have Clay get left behind with Viva, or somehow all the Trolls get out safe. Branch convinces his brothers to help build the bunker him and Floyd planned, and Bruce sends out a letter in the hopes it reaches JD.

It doesn't succeed, and about a year after the escape JD finally caves in to his feelings and goes back to the tree. He'd been running from the guilt, and desperately holding onto his pride. But he misses his family, more than anything in the world. He goes back to Bergen town, telling his new little buddy Rhonda all about Grandma and his brothers. He leaves her just outside town while going to the Troll Tree. He remembered Grandma vaguely mention an escape plan in the works, and he figured he could help out then introduce them to Rhonda. But the sight of the Troll Tree surrounded by holes, broken pods, and fake Troll dolls made him pause. He goes to check on his pod, panicking, and finds it empty. A passing lucky Bergen catches the sound of JD's garbled sobs, and jumps the fence around the tree to grab him. JD freaks out, rightfully so, biting and scratching at the hand. The Bergen goes to toss John Dory in his mouth, but John shoots his hair out to grab a branch. The Bergen still takes a chunk out of John, his whole left arm from just below the shoulder down. Adrenaline keeps him moving, not acknowledging the glittery blood spilling out of his arm for moment. He leaves the tree, and hightails it to a safe dark corner to hide in. His whole body is shaking, feeling numb all over, but he pulls himself together just enough to grab bandages from his hair to try and slow the bleeding. He makes it back to Rhonda, and even while she panics and whines at him John Dory shows her the baby blanket he'd passed down from brother to brother. He asks her to find them, please, and then slumps across her back. She's just big enough for him to ride on her back, but if she moves too fast he'd fall off. So with his one good arm, he shoves it through the little collar he made her to stay hooked to her. And just hopes he can stay on. Then off she goes.

Eventually she finds the village, JD gets medical attention, and wakes up to his brothers. Tearful reunion, John sobbing about how he was terrified he'd never find them because they were dead and didn't escape, the brothers telling him about Grandma and watching him break apart again over her death. John reassuring Branch it was never his fault, and even though the other brothers spent the last few years telling him that, it felt different coming from JD. They all properly meet Rhonda, who in the last few days is already even bigger.

Uuh then yeah. Bunker tour, brotherly bonding, working through issues, growing up. Branch still isn't big on loud singing or dance parties, but he is friends with Poppy even if she doesn't listen to his warnings. Instead all the brothers are slightly paranoid, and very critical of the village and the way it exercises no caution. (Instead of Bruce meeting Brandy in the years apart, the brothers go exploring with Rhonda and he meets her a few years before the first movie. They're still soulmates, and they write letters constantly. He eventually is with Egg, and starts going to stay with her more permanently. He still comes to spend a few days with his brothers every other week.)