#like as much as i appreciate the community on here everyone is still a stranger... like yes that can change but w/o like

[plumsilk]

Hey you blocked someone I care about...I'm afraid to advocate for them bc I rely like your blog but...they miss you I guess so...idk. not sure what I'm supposed to say or anything about it, they're just kinda bent outta shape about it it seems

i like. have a solid guess on the context/person and i hear that. i do also recognize i could have handled my end a lot differently and better and like ... communicatively in the first place, i feel poorly about this too.

i did block for personal comfort, i get we were mutuals for a short period! i wasn't feeling great about some comments/interaction i was getting from them, both privately and on personal posts. and i recognize i reacted harshly to this. at the same time, my comfort and boundaries online are important to me, especially on this blog

[daughter-of-sapph0]

I can't believe we're having the egg prime directive debate all over again.

look, I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it applies to me

my first boyfriend was a trans boy. I'm not gonna say his real name, so let's call him Jack. we dated in my sophomore year of high school, and at the time I thought I was a gay boy. he was the first trans person I ever met. of course I knew what being trans was, I had learned that they existed through being active in queer communities online. but everyone online felt so distant. like I could never be them.

but Jack was the first trans person who was like me: a nerdy high school kid who liked playing video games and listening to punk music and was stressed about his upcoming history paper. like a normal teenager, like me, could just be transgender. he helped me through my own dysphoria, and I came out as nonbinary, and then a trans woman a few months later early in my junior year. even though we broke up, we still remained friends and cared for each other and supported each other, being two of only a handful of trans kids at our high school.

I sometimes think how my life would be different if I never met Jack. I probably wouldn't have discovered I was transgender until much later in life, or even at all. and given that a year after I came out, the pandemic hit and I went through a major depressive phase... if I had to deal with gender dysphoria and not knowing why I was feeling that way and the stupid belief that I wasn't allowed to be trans on top of everything else... I honestly believe I wouldn't be here today.

I'm not telling you what you should say to other people. if they're a complete stranger, then obviously mind your own business. but if your friend is expressing genuine concern about their dysphoria and they feel like they don't belong in their own body, then maybe let them know that it's okay if they're trans and you'll support them instead of not saying anything.

best case scenario, you'll save their life. worst case scenario, they try transitioning and eventually realize it's not for them and they come out of it with a newfound understanding and appreciation of what it means to be transgender.

[miller-n-morgan]

And I Feel Fine (.i)

Joel Miller x Jackson!Reader

18+, mdni

Summary: Random selection on weekly patrol is a completely normal occurrence. A coincidental raid on the Jackson dam generator by Tommy’s older brother (and a little stranger) is absolutely not.

Warnings: there's a lot to unpack here, bear with me; mentions of death, violence, gore, blood, mentions of sex abuse and trafficking. Mentions of teenage pregnancy. Mention of drugs and substances. This one literally has ✨️the works.✨️

Word Count: 5.7k

Hi everyone! Thank you guys for the likes and shares and encouragement of my work before I even posted it! I appreciate you guys so much and I hope you enjoy (if that's even possible yet this is so messy for a first chapter)

Series Masterlist

The man is tall, his face looks worn and tried by the tests of time. It’s not a bad face, you reason. It’s just older, seen more things. You recognized him, though he doesn’t look the same now as the source material from which you know him. He used to wear a smile, you’re pretty sure. “Have we… met?” He seemed confused, trying to meet your wandering stare. Tommy stepped in, thinking he’d better introduce you both. “This is my brother, J-” “Joel,” you nodded, turning back to Tommy for only a second. “I remember from those pictures you brought back.”

Fall leaves are on the ground, on your front porch, and practically everywhere you look this morning. Other houses wear the orange and red upon their rooftops and over their outdoor furniture. It’s your favorite season while it’s in motion, while the leaves are still falling. It’s romantic somehow, after waking up from the nightmares. The rainbow after the rain, or something like that. 

In a few weeks, you know the best of it will be over, and the wind will carry the leaves to the middle of the street, into the town area, and it will be impossible to see anything else but the dead color bursts. That is when you hate fall, when its leaves need to be raked up and out of the way. By then they are crisp and dry beneath your feet, a reminiscent sound of something else that isn’t as pleasing. You will be loathing when that time rolls around, but for now you are at peace, and savoring the momentary beauty. Nothing is permanent, including your ability to sit in the warmth of your house, sipping the hot coffee you’d brewed before patrol.

You’ve only rotated twice in two weeks, which doesn’t make a damn lick of sense considering you are one of only three people that knows the western route. 

Tommy’s put you on for this morning, he and Maria are to accompany you and a few others around the power plant by the dam. There’s been some noise going on the past few weeks, and with the livelihood of the commune on the line, it’s best to sort these things out, nip them in the bud. 

You take your mug to the kitchen sink and give it a quick rinse, grabbing the two lonely carrots in your fridge on the way out, stuffing them in the pocket of your jacket. 

By the time you’ve actually laced up your boots, and tripped on your doorway’s crooked ridge - a morning tradition, no matter how many years you’ve lived here - the sun is cresting over the mountains, the light barely shining over the homes and their leafy crowns of orange and red and yellow and brown. 

It’s still only seven-thirty by the time you reach the stables. You know Maria’s probably got something to eat packed away for later, you never got too hungry in the morning anyways. Tommy un-hatches the gate for you, walking up with half a smile on his face.  

“Provoker is living up to his name just now, kicked my ass right out of his stall,” he shook his head, throwing an annoyed hand behind him to spite the horse. “And here I was tryna do somethin’ nice for ya.”

You huffed a laugh, trying to seem apologetic for your stallion’s bad behavior. He always teased you, ‘your old horse wasn’t like this,’ and ‘maybe I’ll shoot him and claim self defense.’ But of course, Maria wouldn’t stand for that. Casper, or as Tommy so lovingly has taken to calling him, ‘Provoker’ was found several miles south of the commune, just a scared and hungry horse. He was strong and sturdy and learned the routes quickly. Tommy was just an ass because the horse didn’t seem to like men.

“What did you do this time?” 

“Ain’t done nothing, swear it. Keith saw me, was just passin’ through,” he defended, his hands in the air. 

“With you, that can be enough,” you shouldered passed him into the stables, hearing him follow on your trail. 

“You callin’ me fat?” 

“Absolutely.”

He rolled his eyes, grabbing his bridal from the wall and handing you yours. The horses are usually saddled early in the morning, all except for Casper. Maria does good with him, and when you get to his stall you can see she’s already prepared the tall stallion for the ride. 

“Good mornin’, handsome…” you pulled a carrot from your pocket and fed it up to the horse, his grateful blow of air a signal that he was in a better mood now.

“Can’t believe you’re rewardin’ his bad behavior.”

Tommy’s voice is not upset, but vaguely annoyed over your shoulder.

“Maybe I’m rewarding his good behavior,” you say it smugly, giving him a narrowed gaze as you turn your head. “You’re higher in rank than me, if I dispose of you I get all the power.” 

Maria heard you from the next stall down, snickering under her breath. 

“Oh, so that was an assassination attempt, then?” 

“No, you have to be someone of high importance for it to be considered an assassination,” Maria replied, leading her bronze mare from the stalls. Elsie, the horse’s name was. 

You were still fixing the bit for Casper before adjusting the bridal. 

“She just admitted I was higher in rank,” he argued, pulling his own horse forward now, leaving only you to catch up behind them. 

“Still lower in rank to me, bud,” she teased, nudging his shoulder and smiling in his direction. He smiled back, and by witnessing it alone, you mirrored both expressions. 

You’d been here since before they were even together. Almost ten years since you’d met Tommy, and eight since you’d met Maria. You saw them meet each other, saw them interact before this was ever the norm. You swore back then they hated each other’s guts, hated whatever one had to say to them. With time the hatred melted to a dull dislike, and by the time the Jackson commune was established, they seemed to have forgotten any ill feelings they ever had. It was like watching a movie over the span of four years, the personal threats and arguments turned into strange and somehow meaningful compliments or encouragements. They were married three years ago, and it was the first wedding you’d ever attended. You remember it so well because you imagined that maybe someday you’d get a shot. You would have a chance at loving someone the way Tommy adored Maria, heart and soul. 

“There’s a few boys still stationed out at the generator. I reckon they kept clear any danger during the night, but we should still be vigilant.”

Tommy’s warning brought you back, allowing you to pick up time from where you left it. The three of you lined up in front of the commune’s entrance point, mounting your horses and waiting for the go ahead from the men guarding the gates. It’s been a rough season, dealing with raiders, hunters, and even on the odd occasion, children in need of shelter. 

Casper took off before you even had to tell him, because he’s gone out enough times to know the drill. Maria follows closely behind, with Tommy lagging slightly. His horse, Dakota, was an old girl… probably one of the oldest in town. But she was smart, reliable, and got where she needed to be… eventually.

The ride was quiet this morning, no animals in the trail or clickers wandering the premises. It was actually nice and serene, matching the beautiful scenery of the fall ambers. 

It wasn’t long before your horse’s legs slowed, trotting to the checkpoint and coming to a halt when the watchers spotted you. 

You recognized one of the guys in the tower, Billy. He was a little younger than you, but closer in age than most of the company you keep. Nice guy, but not a thought behind those eyes.

“Top of the mornin to ya,” he called out, leaning over the edge of the rail with a cheesy grin. 

“Morning,” you called up, dismounting Casper and leading him around the wall now. “Heard you boys had some trouble last night.”

“Nothing we couldn’t handle. How about you, princess, you sleep okay?” 

You snorted, looking up to him with a bright expression. 

“Like a baby.”

You tied the reins by the makeshift trough that had been half assed and reconstructed over the years, looking out over the dam where the checkpoint sat upon. Everything was running smoothly, so either they actually did dispose of last night’s threats, or they were keeping them hidden extremely well. The water flowed, the power ran. 

You weren’t really paying attention to what Tommy said when he came around the corner, just hummed along to his words and hoped he didn’t notice. 

You liked this checkpoint more than the rest. The water was beautiful, the nature around it even prettier of a sight. You wished you could have seen it under better circumstances, without a gun on your hip and a knife in your pocket. 

You wish that in another life you could come here, lay a picnic blanket down, and just sit by the water and the trees behind it in the distance, the mountains over and above framing them like a painting. What a shame for something to lose its beauty on the technicality of implication. The men stationed at every point on the river implies it isn’t safe. The weapons in their arms imply that the dangers are not few, and the way they look to each other implies they would rather not be here, with Jackson’s commune being the only place they can really feel at home anymore. 

“Hey,” Tommy’s direct call to the back of your head made it turn. “You listenin’?”

“Huh?” 

He sighed heavily, rolling his eyes as he repeated his words. 

“Can you go check the bridge and see about damages?” 

You nodded, a small ‘yeah’ rolling off your lips when you started into that direction. 

You passed by Billy going up the stairs, giving him a small smile and a nod before turning the corner. You liked him, really, you did… but you were too tired and too hungry to interact with a guy who thought a great point of conversation was mentioning the different soups of the week in the dining hall. 

“Come to inspect my handy work?” Terry, an older man with a strange wit about him, had been waiting for you on the bridge when you got there. 

“Yep, Tommy just wants to make sure all the bases are covered.”

You peeked around one of the smaller generators, seeing the body of a dead raider that had been dragged aside from the walkway. He was already starting to smell, the rotten odor making you scrunch your nose in disgust. 

“You just left him here all night?” You asked, kicking the boot of the stiff, cold man. He had a bullet hole in his neck, and you figured, Terry was awfully proud of putting it there. The man had a good aim, one of the better shots in town. 

“Didn’t know exactly where to put ‘im until the shift was over. Guess that’s your job, now,” he grinned devilishly, jabbing you in the ribs with his elbow. You tried to get him back but he just caught your arm and left it loose. “Easy now, don’t hurt your arm… gonna need it to carry him.”

You sighed, walking around to where you could get a good grip on his boots, picking them up one by one before dragging him from that corner. 

“Was he the only one?” 

“As far as we know, we called it in as soon as we shot him. There haven’t been any other surprises since then.”

“Good to know,” you let out, getting him around the corner and to the stairs. Billy didn’t seem to be as chatty now that you were accompanied by a dead body, but he stared the entire time you got him positioned at the staircase. 

“Need some help?” he finally offered, but at this point, you had it covered. 

“I’m good.”

You kicked hard enough to roll him over, letting his body topple over the stairs until he reached the bottom. Years ago, doing this may have bothered you. Disrespecting the body of someone who died in this cruel world would have turned your stomach. But again, that was years ago. Now, this body was just some jackass who tried to ambush your family of survivors, and you had to dispose of him. 

“Well that looks… fun.” 

His dry attempt at humor made you huff a single laugh through your nose, following down the stairs a moment later. You got back to the work of pulling the guy’s tattered boots, dragging him through the dirt and leaving a muddy trail of blood from where it seeped out his neck. 

Tommy was coming around the corner with some tools, probably on his way to fix something important, but he stopped a moment to watch you and your unfortunate task. 

“Gonna lend a hand?” You asked him, the pace of your backwards steps slowing when you passed him. 

“No, I think you got it,” he joked, moving on with a smile the next moment. What an ass. He was like a big brother that you never had. You knew that man would kill for you, and has before, but still found every opportunity to mess with or tease you. What an ass.

Just wait till Maria hears about this, you think. Then he’ll be in for it.

You roll the body into the river once you get far enough away from the dam, making sure he won’t cause any harm to the flow or energy. Once you’re sure he’s completely out of the way and taken care of, you turn back to the checkpoint, walking over to Maria as she finished speaking with the main watchguard from last night. You figure you should blame him for your task, since he could have done it… but that’s petty, and you only have room to be petty when you know it’ll get you somewhere. 

“Guess what I just did?” you asked in a mocking tone, a fake smile plastered on your face as you crossed your arms.

“Probably something to earn the sandwich I brought you,” she returned, knowing you well enough by now to recognize your sarcastic behavior. 

“I dragged a body from the bridge to the river, it better be a fucking good sandw-”

“Turkey and cheese.”

“God bless you,” you folded, following her to her backpack inside.

As soon as the food was in your hands, you gave her a genuine smile, sitting down at an old abandoned desk almost immediately. The woman chuckles under her breath. She remembered too many times you’d skipped breakfast before a patrol… it was by now a part of the routine to make you something to eat when she got scheduled alongside you.

“Save some for later, we might be here a while.” She pat your shoulder, leaving without a response from your end. You were far too occupied to give her one, anyways. 

The town’s butcher was a nasty man, but everyone loved him dearly, and this was why. You imagine that before the outbreak he was probably some big time deli owner, one of the best around. It’s just a fucking sandwich, you think… but it’s so damn good.

You saved about half, knowing that now you were fed, you could tie yourself over until the next meal in the hall this evening. It was Wednesday, so the menu would probably consist of soups and salads. 

You get a bit caught up in wrapping your leftover food until you hear a bit of confused banter from outside. It sounds like Maria, but you can’t be sure. Whoever she’s just finished yelling at isn’t an imminent threat, you can tell that much, but you still worry. You take enough time to put the sandwich away and start to leave the warehouse, pulling the gun from its place at your hip. You don’t raise it, but having it close is better, you’ve learned. The noise outside has ceased but after a moment, the door opens.

“Maria?” You don’t even make it out of the hallway when you bump into Tommy, side by side with a stranger. He catches your eye in a familiar way. “Hey, I know you.”

The man is tall, his face looks worn and tried by the tests of time. It’s not a bad face, you reason. It’s just older, seen more things. You recognized him, though he doesn’t look the same now as the source material from which you know him. He used to wear a smile, you’re pretty sure.

“Have we… met?” He seemed confused, trying to meet your wandering stare. Tommy stepped in, thinking he’d better introduce you both. 

“This is my brother, J-”

“Joel,” you nodded, turning back to Tommy for only a second. “I remember from those pictures you brought back.”

“Right,” Tommy mumbled, stepping closer to you. “He’s brought a girl with him. Maria took her to get some of those rations in the back section, but I think you still have the keys on your chain. You might wanna head over there.”

“Alright,” you started in the direction of the exit, walking backward to give Tommy a warning. “I left half a sandwich in there, don’t touch it.”

-

You stood outside of the Boston QZ, fourteen years old and scared as hell. It was hard enough to get in without being caught, but once you were inside, you’d have to remain invisible for the next month, or at least, until you could settle your predicament. 

“This way,” echoed a voice in your head, the young man that accompanied you, trying to sneak you under the city tunnels. You followed him until you were in a sewer, having trouble making your way through given that your body specifications had changed over the last eight and a half months.

The man ahead of you didn’t bother to help or to make the path easier, but kept yelling for you to keep up. 

“I’m trying,” you trudged on, your swollen feet making you stumble along the sludgy water. “It’s really hard.”

He huffed, his face invisible to you as you blocked it out of your mind. “You have to move faster, we can’t get caught down here.”

Your eyes formed tears at his flippant tone, impatient and completely ridiculous about how fast you were moving when you clearly could only strain yourself so much. You let a hand fall subconsciously to your swollen stomach as you climbed out of the sewer, following the man ahead at an impressive speed given your condition. 

You hated him, wanted to leave him… but you knew you would die without his direction. 

“Alright, coast looks clear. If we linger around here a while we can blend with the crowd as we move down.”

He didn’t pay any mind to your state, the tears streaming down your face or the pain in your back and hips. The way you waddled just to meet him around the corner, watching for people passing by. 

“Once we find the contact, you know what to do.” Flat tone, flat words, unfeeling. You still couldn’t see his face, but his voice is strong. It plagues you.

“Yes…” and you turn to the dirty window beside you. Your appearance is appalling at best, scruffy and unbrushed hair pulled back in a ponytail, tear stained cheeks. Your torn jacket and ripped pants barely cling to you, now wet and sagging around you from the water in the sewer. The only thing left to stare at is your too thin body, struggling to hold the weight of what grew inside you. The face that looks you back in the eye… it’s young, too young for this. It has a dark history, and doubts about the future. It wants more than anything to be at peace, to relax and be settled… but it looks to you as is, not as it should be.

“Are you okay?” Maria asks, taking the key you were about to give her, your hand now frozen in mid air as you stare down the kid before you.

“Yeah, I’m good I just-” You can’t seem to move, breathing out shakily. You manage to lift a finger in her direction. “Who is-?”

“Ellie. She’s with Joel, they’ve been traveling together.” She finishes unlocking the storage base, shouldering the door open. When she turns back you haven’t barely moved. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“No…” 

And finally you beg your muscles to move, to turn your head away. Your eyes moving from the girl’s face causes a chain reaction, and you regain full motion again. You wait for Ellie to follow Maria, make sure there’s a good chunk of distance between you, then walk into the building, your head to the ground in deep thought. That face, it’s you… no. It’s her. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Ellie whispers to Maria, turning back to watch the way you struggle forward, trying everything in your power to avert your eyes from her, but she’s still there. 

“I don’t know,” Maria puts her hands on her hips, genuine concern arising.  “What's wrong with you?” 

Give an answer. Give a realistic answer that doesn’t raise more questions. Not the truth, though.

“She just reminds me of someone, that’s all.”

The girl seems angsty given your state and how shaken you seemed. Like you saw a ghost. You still aren’t sure she isn’t one.

“A dead someone?” She asks, louder than her last words.

“No,” You shake your head. Not a lie. You’re not dead yet, and you don’t think she is. Can’t be a ghost, especially not mine. Maria wouldn’t see her. “Sorry if I’m bein’ weird, you just… how old are you?”

“Fourteen... And a half.”

Fourteen was bad enough, but the little witty ‘and a half’ gave you a very good estimate of her birthday, or at least, birth month. You gasped lightly, whatever air you could take in was coming in small doses. You suddenly can’t take a deep breath, your head running in circles and repeating dates, times, names, places. Faces, even.

“Maria, I think I’m gonna sit down a while.”

You fell against the closest table, scooting back on it until your back hit the pole it was against. 

“Take your time,” She muttered, nodding and pulling Ellie along to the lockers.

She pried one open, pulling a few cans of food from the containment and giving them to her. Peaches, baked beans, chicken soup, all were pretty good options in comparison to the hunted and gathered rations she and Joel had been surviving on. She would have been far more excited had she not been focused on the woman sitting down, her eyes closed and hands raised to her head from the other side of the room. 

“Does this happen to her a lot?” She couldn’t stop staring either, the fear about the woman lingering as something familiar.

“Never.”

Maria wasn’t sure what had gotten into you. She had to look through the files of her mind to try and come up with an answer to your madness. The most stoic and brave faced person she’d come across, now sitting in shambles of thought. 

“Do you know who I remind her of?” 

Maria shakes her head, handing Ellie a can opener and a spoon. “No.” 

For a moment she thinks that maybe it could be your sister, deceased… but you said the specific someone wasn’t dead.

“Her whole family died a while ago, and I don’t know anyone back home that looks like you.” 

“She’s on her own?” Ellie dug into the chicken soup can first, her hunger now distracting from the conversation.

“She’s got us, but yeah I guess so.”

All alone. No family left, all gone to cordyceps and raiders. Mother, Father, young brother, baby sister. No one made it. 

“That’s sad. I hope I don’t make her upset or anything.”

Maria shook her head, sitting next to the girl. This poor kid has probably been through a lot. Knowing what she does of Joel, she thinks he can’t be a pleasant traveling companion. Ellie doesn’t need anything else to worry about, least of all a total stranger.

“No, that’s not it. I think she might just be remembering someone she forgot about. Life’s been tough on her.”

The girl nodded, spooning into the can of soup now that it had finally been opened.

-

The woman was tall, dark hair cropped higher than her shoulders, her face was stiff and unexpressive, like most people in this QZ. 

“You got the pills?” She asked, her voice low as she looked around to make sure no one watched on. No Fedra officers or anything of the like.

“Yeah,” the faceless voice spoke, a hand reaching out with the pill bag. It was half full, probably more than one bottle. “Vicodin, hospital standard. You can try 'em, they’re still good.”

“Alright,” she took them, inspecting the sides of the bag. She’s done this enough times, she can tell they’re real. “I found a family that’s willing to take another baby. Had to pull some strings, but they’re open to it.”

“Where are they?” he asked, and you turned to him, the forceful tone he had made you jump a little. The woman before you noticed, and didn’t seem thrilled about it. She turned to you, slightly more compassionate than when she was scowling at the man by your side. 

“How old are you, kid?” 

You looked to him first, and he looked apprehensive. You needed an out, this is it. “Fourteen.”

She took a sharp inhale, turning to the man, her arms crossed. Her face was again ruthless, the glare she sent him was unrelenting. 

“And how old are you?” 

He didn’t answer for a moment, feeling cornered. “That’s not really your business. You got the pills, just tell us where to go.” 

The woman shook her head, dropping it as a chuckle escaped her. 

“I’ll take her,” she answered, eyes flitting back and forth between you. Your body language when she spoke told her you were relieved.”Without you.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal.”

And before you knew it, she pulled a gun from the back of her pants. You gasped, standing back, and the man grabbed at your arm, but you shrugged it away. This is where you get off the train, away from the way it’s been carrying you along the long and winding tracks, only making stops in the most complicated of stations. 

“The deal is I find a safe place for her to have a kid, and someone to hand it off to. Those are the terms, and I intend to keep my end.” 

You stepped closer to her, watching as she placed her finger on the trigger. “I didn’t agree to what I didn’t know.”

“Look, I know where to find more pills, just take us where you’re supposed to and I can get you more,” he raised his hands, trying to beg, trying to argue, but the woman didn’t budge. She knew that you’d either been forced into this companionship, or trafficked into it. She wasn’t a good person by any means, but she wasn’t going to turn a blind eye to something she wouldn’t condone herself. 

“I’m about to ask her a question, and if the answer isn’t no… you’re gettin’ your head blown off, ya hear?” She turned to you, looking you up and down. She wants to be wrong, wants to find out this guy is just a nice companion that happened to be helping you out of the kindness of his heart. But she’s doubtful, call it an apocalyptic mindset. “Is that his kid?”

You chanced a look at the faceless man, feeling his eyes on you though you could not place them. He was expectant, waiting for you to lie so that he could go back to being your keeper, telling you what to do.

“Yes,” you nodded, the tears from earlier returning to your eyes and making the stains on your cheeks even darker than before. 

“Just stop, I can get you more!”

The woman raised her gun more steady, her finger beginning to pull back on the trigger before you stopped her, a hand at her arm. 

“Wait,” you breathed, the rapid inhales were evening out as you asked her: “Can I do it?” 

“Honey, you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t do this,” he begged, the reverberation of his words like a whirring siren in your head. You remember sirens, from before the outbreak. Cops cars, ambulances, fire trucks. You remember them. They always signaled help was on the way, and that’s what this felt like. 

The woman was shocked, but didn’t hesitate to hand you her gun. You’d been through hell with this asshole, and you couldn’t let someone else have the satisfaction of dealing with him. She understood your mindset well, as others in her past brought about the same feelings. 

You raised the gun to him, and heard one more cry of your name pass from his lips before pulling the trigger. The tears stopped flooding your cheeks almost instantly, and you breathed out in relief. The woman didn’t wait for you to hand it back, she took the gun from you and placed it back in her pants. 

“You okay?” She asked. 

“I’m better…”

And then she nudged you out of the alleyway, beginning to lead you in the direction of your next steps. You weren’t out of the woods, yet. 

You don’t even know what happened during the attack, just that you went into autopilot and started shooting from the first sign of intruders. It was more of those fuckin hunters. The ones who killed whole groups of people at a time in order to steal the most trivial items off their bodies. Too bad not one of them survived. 

You tossed up a look and your eyes met the familiar stranger. Joel, Tommy’s long lost brother. Your head was foggy, but you’re pretty sure he just saved your ass from getting shot. Not like it was your fault, you weren’t at your best, and you probably wouldn’t be until you figured shit out.

“Are you alright?” Tommy came up beside you, his arm on your shoulder, sleeve torn where the bullet just missed. 

“Physically.” You turned to see Ellie run up to Joel. 

“What’s that s’posed to mean?”

You froze again, watching how she interacted with the older man, the way she was so expressive. Tommy hadn't ever seen you like this. So… affected.

“Means I’m all over the place. Not really sure what’s real right now.” You turned back to him, following him around, trying to find Maria.

“Well, maybe you should ride back with Billy, he’s about to head out. You can go home, rest.”

“No, I don’t-” You cut yourself short, trying to recouperate your words. “I don’t need rest, I need some clarity.”

“On what?” His exasperation was not due to annoyance, but rather the fact that he knew… it had something to do with his brother and Ellie.

“Where did Joel find that girl?” You crossed your arms, trying to broach the subject without just telling him yet.

“Probably back in Boston, why?” 

You’ve known Tommy for ten years, since right after he left his brother. Since he’d gone off on the trail of the fireflies, a trail you’d gone down a while, too. He knew practically everything about you. Knew about your family, about the hunters you used to run with as a kid, the guy who basically kidnapped you… and yeah, he knew about the baby you gave up.

“You remember that one story I told you? From when I was younger?” 

He stopped in his tracks, not turning around fully, but tossing a look over his shoulder at you. It was unsettled and confused, but not upset. He knew you had good reason to believe what you did… but still. It was a one in a million chance, right?

“C’mon… you can’t possibly think that’s her.”

“Tommy…” you knew he was trying to keep your hopes down, that he didn’t want you to over excite yourself on a whim… but what if? You’d prayed for this day, to find her again. You went back for her once and she wasn’t there, neither was the family you left her with. You hoped she was alive, but until now you were never sure… you’re still not sure but you hope, you hope.

“There could be a hundred other kids out there that look a bit like you, you know that.” The chances are a million to one… but he can’t stand to look at you, your eyes so full of something he hasn’t seen there before. Not just hope, but something else, something full of a happiness that is only at its most basic potential, unknowing. “Did you ask her anything? Check for the birthmark?” 

You shook your head, arms tightening as you looked back to Ellie in the distance. 

“No, I was terrified. Kept thinking I was gettin’ haunted by the ghost of my past self.” 

It was meant as a joke, but it was partially serious.

He sighed, following your line of sight and tilting his head. Yeah, he saw the resemblance. He’d met you at age eighteen, but he pictured you younger. Cheeks still a little puffy from the unlost baby fat, eyes still bright and twinkling despite the things you’d seen. Probably quite a bit shorter, too. He figured that she’s the spitting image of you from that age.

“You really think it’s her?”

You threw your hands up in the air. How many times did you have to say it? Try to convince him? No, you weren’t sure… but you had every reason to believe it. 

“Same age, same face, same QZ-”

“Look… talk to her. Ask her some questions. See if anything matches up.” He ran a hand over his face. He’d made up his mind about something only a minute ago, and it was plaguing him even more now that you came to him. “Now, I gotta go talk to Maria, and after that I’m gonna take her off of Joel’s hands. She’s gonna go to the fireflies. You’re more than welcome to join me, I’ll need the help.”

You used to make runs with Tommy all the time. No problem… but this also meant more time with Ellie, possibly your Ellie. You could ask her more, find out the answers you’ve been longing for since you left her. 

“Okay…” 

Tags: open

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 3)

Starlo's friend, his BEST FRIEND, the woman who he's been in love with long ago (maybe he still is, we don't know because he's so nice as not to act on his feelings or even show them), the person who was supposed to be there for him, be understanding even tho she doesn't share the same passion, be considerate of the feelings Starlo's always been dealing with (hating being born a farmer, hating himself, hating feeling worthless and unappreciated)... Now, don't get me wrong, there were instances where she did try to understand his obsession and pretend she was into it, but it kinda just... fell flat. Even Ceroba herself admits:

Then there were moments like this:

Yeah, Ceroba's not trying too hard to "roll with his punches" here. It feels like she's constantly trying to figure out whether to be accepting of Star because he's so passionate, or annoyed because they're not on the same wavelength.

Then we get these:

Well, based on all this, you'd think she'd be understanding of him later on, at least on an emotional level (aka understand as to WHY he's been more 'selfish' and 'reckless' ever since Clover arrived,) but...

What now??

You mean how, instead of being miserble like when he was just a farmer who couldn't do much for his community, he now pretends not to be miserable by entertaining you all? Right??? Or do you mean he's changed in a DAY because of Clover?

But what?

huh

So you want to see the farmer who feels worthless, just being the Nice Guy™ he always has been (I decided to check out TV tropes for Star, and found out how he's basically been the "Nice Guy" archetype before Clover came. So I repeat: what's the issue with him stepping out of that for a day? I explained already how the guy's NOT to fully blame here and I really mean it. Yeah he has flaws, yeah Clover's presence brought out the "worst" in him, but we mustn't forget who he's been before that and that his true motivation has always been lifting up everyone's spirits).

The guy made all the sacrifices he could (not only worked hard to make the entire Wild East thing come to fruition, but basically became a rebel, when you remember humans are hated by monsters, and he's basically openly idolizing them) for his loved ones and even strangers. It's always been him relying on outer validation and doing stuff for others in order to feel important. But he never felt truly understood. By training Clover, he actually got to spent time with a human kid who's so much like him and shares not only the same love for westerns but the same "justice" quality. Sure, Ceroba had tried to understand, but ultimately failed and Star himself had to explain to her why he'd been acting the way he did, after Showdown.

You don't want him to have pride in himself and feel cool for a single day, Ceroba? She mentions how he's never been as ecstatic as he was that day. So in other words, Star's always been a wild card when it came to the sheriff business but not THIS wild. Which I'm sure means how other monsters have always been his main focus, and not him acting all arrogant (ties in well with that "Nice Guy" archetype). Even the training didn't feel too crazy to me, tbh. He only locked Martlet up because of the potential of his town being shut down. It's a town that he's been working on for so long, the town that makes him feel like he's more than just a nobody. Plus, he says how locking Martlet up was only a temporary solution:

I feel like I've said this a million times before, but Starlo's not a bad guy or a jerk, he just wants to be appreciated and loved and understood. Yet even his closest friends couldn't put themselves in his shoes and think: Why? What's the true motivation of Star idolizing Clover? Of him apparently acting "out of hand"?

I'll post the last part of this huuuuge rant sometime soon

[joongwooclub]

fated || j. yh.

pairing: fem!reader x jeong yunho

tags/warnings: childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, smut near end, dilf yunho, yunho’s child likes fem!reader a lot. [aged up reader and yunho]

word count: 6.0K

✩: authors note - this was a quick (not to quick) brainrot, so please know this may contain grammar inaccuracies + misspells and I haven't had time to revise due to university.

✩: reblogs / comments + feedbacks are appreciated!! story under cut!

Jeong Yunho has been my best friend since childhood, we went through every single small and big situation I can imagine. I didn’t know when it happened but I had feelings for him. Maybe it was his golden retriever personality, or his tall body portion with his long delicate fingers that caressed your face. Shaking my head to get the perverted thoughts away from my mind, I looked at the boy next to me. His side profile was perfect as always as he laughed at a comment a fellow classmate said. It was a late Friday night, sitting in the bar with a small group of friends from my last year classes. It was bizarre to think that it was the last year of college and after this, everyone will be on their way to their own life. “Yunho-ah, what will you be doing after finishing the last year?” Mina asked, her eyes fluttering in a way to send flirtatious signals. Yunho gave her a smile, and it made my stomach turn. Was I jealous? Very much, but I couldn’t do anything since Yunho wasn’t my boyfriend. Just a crush. “Well hopefully I’ll level up soon at my workplace, I want to do business once I finish here.” He answered, a hand on his lap as his legs were crossed, like a true gentleman, I bit my lip as the group spoke. 

My energy slowly runs out to communicate. Yunho glanced over at me and rubbed my arm softly, “Hey..you tired?” I nodded slowly, “Let’s go back home?” He whispers, my cheeks grew with blush as he was so attentive to my energy, but as well as he said ‘home’ like we lived together. I nodded and got up, “It’s getting late so me and y/n will be heading back. You guys stay safe.” Yunho smiled before handing some money to another friend to pay for his and my drink. “Yuyu, I can pay for my own drink.” I pouted. He just poked my cheek and shook his head, “nope~ I got it.” He didn’t even let me finish my new sentence as he took my hand and walked me out of the bar. Luckily we didn’t drive, so we were able to just grab a taxi and even more luckily, we lived a few blocks from each other. As the taxi took us back to my house, I looked out of the window, the night view flew by. I sighed, Yunho looked over at me. “What’s up sweetheart?” he questioned, I looked at him and smiled softly, “Just wondering how we would be once we graduate.” I spoke softly. Yunho awed and took my hand into his, his warmth warming my cold hands, “Well, we will have each other no matter what.” “promise?” “promise.”

[ 4  years later ]

That night with Yunho felt like it was a day ago. The promise of staying together soon broke as graduation happened and life became busy. Last thing I knew was that Yunho was now a CEO of a business, while I currently work at a small (not so quiet) preschool as a teacher. All those years for a teaching degree and I still landed a job to work with small kids. Could it be the baby fever? Maybe, but the thought of one day having a family was nice, but definitely not now. I mean, I am only 25 years old, almost 26 now. It was normal to think about family now since it was my mid-20’s but, no one ever caught my eye–not since yunho at least. “Ms. Y/L/N~” A small child called my last name, I turned around and smiled as my eyes landed on one of my favorite students, “Hi nina~ how are you.” I cooed softly crouching down to be eye level with her. Her brown eyes shined brightly as she was a naturally giggly, happy child. “Ma dada ist picking me..” she said. I tilted my head smiling at her, knowing she was still young so developing her speaking skills was something we wanted to work on. “Your daddy is what sweetheart?” I asked. “Picking me..um..up! Like sky!”  she said excitedly. “Oh, picking you up! How nice~ what about mama?” I asked. “Mama don’t live with us. She went away.” she spoke naturally. I was shocked. I knew her mother, she wasn’t the best but she was trying as a young mom, around my age, so I didn’t have the right to judge. As Nina said that, she went back to playing with the other kids outside, the giggling and lively screaming of the kids echoing through the small playground. I stood up and started to clean up around the table area, glancing at the clock outside and notice the time they were about to be picked up. As soon as the clock hit 5pm, our alarm to come inside rang. Some kids ran inside, while others put away their toys from the playground back into the outside box and went inside. I gave them small smiles as we helped put on their shoes if they couldn’t do it themselves. One by one each parent came to pick up their child. Nina waited in the corner, tippy toeing to look out the small child level window. I cleaned up the remaining trash and watched for every parent and child that left. 

Almost a full 30 minutes went by and Nina was still here. “Nina sweetheart, where’s daddy?” I asked, sitting down next to her crisscrossed. “Works late…he come..” Nina mumbles sadly. Her head tilted down and I saw her fumble with her hands, I bit my lip, feeling sorry, Nina’s mom was always a few minutes late, but not like this. So I took her tiny hands into mine and gave her a smile. “How about we play princesses?” I suggested. “Yay!! Princesses!! Will you be princess too?” I giggled at her half full sentences; I nodded and she smiled ear to ear. I rumbled through the toy box near us and pulled out some dolls. Nina finally sat down across from me and started playing, immediately forgetting about her late father. It was some minutes after when the door opened. Nina looked up and gleamed with happiness as she rushed to get up and run to whoever came in. I stood up and patted down my work jeans and looked at the figure. He had black hair, broad shoulders, he was clearly tall despite the fact he was bending down to kiss his daughters forehead. The obvious sweating told me that he rushed here as quickly as he could. “I’m terribly sorry for being late, please forgiv-..y/n?” his sentence stopped and I stared back. “Yunho?” I was shocked. His eyes turned from shock to the smile he gave in college, “daddy you know ms. Y/L/N?” Nina asked, looking between us. “Yes baby, we went to school together.” Yunho smiled, squatting down to his daughter. “HOW?! You look old, she’s pretty!!” Nina screeched. I held back my giggle as she said, “Nina sweetheart, don’t call your dad old.” I chuckled. 

Yunho laughed and patted his daughter’s head, “come on baby, let’s go home.” He stood up and held Nina’s hand. He gave me a sweet smile, “I really am sorry that I’m late. Even though I’m a boss at my own company, it’s so much harder to leave. Was she okay?” Yunho asked, I nodded. “Of course, Nina is one of my favorite students.” I smiled, walking back to the dolls on the ground to put them away, “Nina told me about her mother not being able to pick her up anymore?” I mentioned. Yunho’s face turned pale, “y-yeah..c-can we talk about it outside?” He asked. I simply nodded and made sure everything was cleaned, grabbed my tote bag, and keys to lock the door, turning off the lights before closing the door behind me. Yunho parked his car right on the driveway of the preschool and lifted Nina into the backseat, putting on her seatbelt, before telling her “daddy needs to talk real quick ok? Listen to music.” as he turned on a seat tv and Elsa's Frozen started playing. As he closed the door, making sure to lower the windows a bit for air to circulate, he looked at me. “She listens to frozen loudly. So we can talk normally.” he said, and he was correct as I heard Nina sing very loudly to the song, mumbling at parts she couldn't understand. “No worries. I only mentioned cause she told me, but for file reason, I have to add you. Will she be coming back soon?” I said looking at him fondly. Yunho shook his head in a no motion, “I want to say unfortunately no, but I’m happy. We filed for a divorced a while ago because she told me she found someone better and the guy treated her better..whatever that meant. I just got full custody over Nina. You can remove Kyomi Cheng and add Yunho Jeong instead.” He explained. I made a mental note about the info, “Alright, thank you. I will make sure to update the files tomorrow morning.” Some silence filled the air before I made a comment. “Still can’t believe you’re here.” I chuckled. He smiled and nodded, “yeah, can’t believe we live in the same city even though we went to school somewhere else. Do you live around here?” “I do. A few blocked in Willow Crossing.” Yunho’s eyes opened in shock, “No way! I live in Fairview Estates!” I was equally shocked. Fairview Estates were the more expensive places, but it was really close to where I lived. “Wow, fate really has us.” “yeah..” I gave him a smile and hugged him, which shocked him again but his gentle arms hugged me back. “Well get home safely, I’ll see Nina tomorrow.” “First thing in the morning.” Yunho smiled. I waved bye to Nina who smiled and waved goodbye back and walked to my car. My heart was racing like a teenage girl again, seeing Yunho like that was like college. He still looked the same, except his face got sharper, he grew muscles, he was taller, and god, he smelled so good in the hug. His cologne clogged my mine, it smelled like Ferrari Light. I shook my head, I can’t believe I’m falling in love with him again just by seeing him. I focused on my way home, stopping by the store to pick up food for dinner and went home. The long day finally tiring my body as soon as I sat down to eat. My phone buzzed and I glanced at the time. 7:50 pm, I furrowed my eyebrows as I usually never have messages or calls at this time. 

Unknown Number, 7:51 pm : HIIIII MS. Y/L/N

Unknown Number, 7:51 pm: I’m sorry y/n. Nina took my phone after I said I still had your number. Just wanted to say thank you for watching her. Would you like coffee tomorrow morning?

I smiled at my phone, even as a single dad now, Yunho was still the same. Caring and selflessness. I picked up my phone and typed back.

Me, 7:53 pm : Would love coffee!

Yuyu, 7:54 pm: Caramel Macchiato like the old days, right? :) 

I blushed as he remembered my order even though it was years ago since we last saw each other. I texted back and smiled. 

Me, 7:55 pm: wow, still remembered =D, anyways get Nina to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Yunho!

Yuyu, 7:55 pm: No Yuyu? :( 

Me, 7:56 pm: okay, goodnight yuyu~

Yuyu, 7:56 pm: :D Goodnight doll (still your favorite nickname right?) Nina says goodnight as well. See you tomorrow.

I felt my cheeks fill with blush as he used a nickname (more of a pet name) I haven’t heard in a while. The way he used to say it in college always made me weak in the knees. It was honestly pathetic of me for feeling like this from just one moment with him. I sighed and put my phone on my night stand, the only light was coming from my lamp. I wonder how Yunho acted now since he has a little girl, does he tuck her in at night? Cuddle her as she falls asleep? Maybe he uses his puppy-like pout to get his little girl to giggle when she’s upset. ‘Why am I thinking like this?’ I mumbled to myself. Reaching over and turning off my lamp to try and sleep. ‘Let’s hope I can function in the morning’

The loud beeping from my alarm blared through my silent bedroom. I groaned and pressed stop, lazily getting out of bed. I looked at my phone, going to the weather app to see what the weather was like for today. The temperature was starting to get colder, and those weathers are what I liked the most. I got up and went to my closet to grab a beige turtleneck, topping it with a loose sweater to hang, wearing some simple leggings. After getting ready and adding small accessories, I quickly grabbed my bag and keys to drive to the school. It wasn’t a bad drive today, the crunchy leaves making me smile brightly as I walked towards the door. Setting up the classroom was easy and I finished quite quickly as the kids wouldn’t be there for another hour or so. So I sat down onto my chair in my corner and typed away on my computer, until I received a message. 

Yuyu, 9:20 am: Good Morning :D, Nina has something waiting for you at the door!

I giggled and put my phone down to walk to the door to open it. I see Nina holding a Starbucks sandwich bag and holding my drink. “WE GOT THIS FOR YOU!” Nina giggled, I bent down to her level and smiled brightly. “Thank you Nina~ Would you like to go put it on my desk?” I asked, she nodded happily and ran inside, taking her shoes off first, before running to my desk corner. “She’s so energetic for the morning.” I looked up and saw Yunho smiling down at me. He held out his hand and helped me stand up, he was in a black suit, white button up on the inside, with shiny slick black shoes. He had two silver rings on, and his married finger was bare. I wanted to smile at the thought of him being single, but that’s just rude for someone who just got cheated on and divorced. I snapped out of my daydreaming and spoke, “Nina is an energizer. Just like her father.”, my comment made Yunho smile and chuckle deeply. “I’m glad. It’s okay for her to be here early right?” he asked, concerned. “Of course. Me and her can play princesses-” “DADDYYY~” Nina interrupted what I was saying, Yunho apologized and looked at his daughter. “Yes baby?” “Come in and play.” Nina pouted. Yunho looked at me, as if he was asking if it was okay for him to stay for a bit, “come in come in.” I motioned him, closing the door behind us, hearing the alarmed door lock for safety reasons. I watched as Yunho looked around the classroom, his tall figure could touch the ceiling if he was any taller. I sat down on the carpet with Nina as she played around with blocks 

Yunho sat down next to me and watched his daughter ramble and play around. He sighed, but not a negative sigh, more of a relaxed one. “You’ve changed.” “hm?” I hummed, turning to look at him. His eyes connected with mine and I felt my heart flutter. “From college. You used to hate looking after kids and such..now you’re a teacher, being surrounded by little kids all day.” he chuckles. I blushed and focused back on Nina, “yeah..well.. You know, people change.” I said as I was quite embarrassed because I started liking the idea of kids when I imagined me and Yunho having one. “You would be a good mom.” Yunho commented while watching Nina. I could have choked on water if I had any in my mouth, “w-what makes you say that?” I stumbled. “I just know it. I mean we grew up with each other, plus you’re so caring and protective of kids, even if you personally don’t think so.” Before I could reply, Nina walked up to us and handed us some dolls. “I’m princess! You and daddy can be king and queen.” she smiled innocently. I looked at Nina big eyed and mouth a gap, this must have caught Yunho off guard too because his ears started to turn to a shade of red and he coughed awkwardly. “Nina sweetie, you can’t say things like that.” Nina pouted and whined, “it’s okay Yuyu.” I whispered, getting up I walked to my desk and picked up the coffee. “Thanks by the way.” I blushed, shaking the drink lightly, “ah, no problem.” Yunho smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, he stood up awkwardly and cleared his throat. “Okay well, thank you for the fun morning, I have to head to work now. Nina be good, take care y/n, I’ll be on time, this time, I swear.” He says, “Don’t keep promises you can’t keep.” I joked. He just laughed and nodded, “see you later.” He smiles, before heading out the door, the door closing slowly closing behind him, I watched as his broad shoulders slowly went out of view. 

The day at the school went by fast. The kids were now taking their scheduled nap time, I made sure each kid was comfortable and tucked in before going back to my desk. I silently typed away on my computer, creating plans for the next few classes. I felt my eyes close slightly from the calm, tired atmosphere. I drank my water to stay awake and continued with my tasks, and before I knew it, the school day ended. Every kid greeted their parents, I waved goodbye to each kid with a smile, “see everyone on monday!” I cheered. Looking around the classroom, Nina sat patiently on the waiting stools. “Come on Nina, let’s go outside.” I said, she smiled and happily hopped off the small stool and ran to me, taking my hands into her small ones. I turned off the lights and made sure to have everything before locking the door. “Daddy isn’t here yet.” Nina pouted. I pat her head, “I know sweetheart. He can be late again. How about we sit out here and play a game?” I said. “What game?”  She gleamed, I hummed, thinking of a small game that could still be stimulating for her, “how about I spy?” “how do we play..” she tilted her head. God, she was so cute, just like a smaller version of Yunho. I chuckled and sat her down on a step, while I sat down next to her. “If I say I spy..I will give a hint on what I'm looking at and you guess.” I said, Nina nodded softly like she semi understood. So I started the game, “I spy something with green.” Nina looked around, “..hm..tree?” she asked looking at me with a nervous look. I nodded and cheered, “yes that’s correct! Great job Nina~” I smiled, making Nina happy. We played like that until Yunho appeared a few minutes later, he got out of his car and opened his arms as soon as he saw Nina run to him. “Thank you.” he says and I smiled back. “No worries. I think Nina enjoys her time with me, right Nina?” “Yes~~ You’re the best!” she cheered as Yunho put her into her car seat. “I think I owe you dinner for always watching my daughter.” Yunho laughed while closing the door. “I’ll take that offer one day.” I said lightly, grabbing my keys out, actually parking closer to the school this time. “Get home safely Mr. Jeong.” I waved bye, Yunho bit his lip before saying bye back and getting into his car. 

Multiple weeks passed, and weeks turned into months. It turned to a routine of Nina getting to the school early with my Starbucks order in her tiny hands as Yunho looked at her fondly. Each conversation with him became close again, just like old times. Sometimes I would think he would blush, but I always turned down that thought. We were only friends and that’s it. For this particular day, school was on break and I didn’t have a lot planned since I was far from family, and I rarely went out so hanging out with friends wasn’t an option. Somehow Nina heard that from a conversation with a coworker, and here I am in front of Yunho’s and Nina’s house. The house was actually quite big, it looked like two stories, the front yard was covered in light snow, decorated with cute Christmas decorations for the upcoming holiday. I rang the doorbell, feeling the cold getting to me despite wearing a warm thin sweater with an oversize hoodie with some warm leggings with beige fur boots. Yunho opened the door and smiled brightly, “Welcome y/n.” he greeted, allowing me inside. I walked in and was hit with the warm air and the smell of hot chocolate in the air. Nina wanted to make hot chocolate with marshmallows, she was dying for you to try it.” Yunho said, his hand accidentally brushing against mine as he was walking past. I blushed and softly nodded, “if you get too hot, you can leave your hoodie on the rack.” he says before rushing back to what I would assume is the kitchen. I walked in that direction as well and was in awe. The kitchen fridge had drawings by Nina pinned to it, with small photos of Yunho with his family and friends. One photo made me smile and blush. It was an old photo of us from college, his arm was wrapped around my shoulder, we were both gleaming with bright smiles on our face, the party strings and confetti stuck in our hairs. “We grew up so much huh.” Yunho commented, seeing me look at the picture. “Yeah, it’s unbelievable.” I said looking at him. I don’t know why it was still awkward between us. It could be me..I don’t know how to stop thinking about him. He clouded my thoughts 24/7 and I couldn’t get him out of my head. “Let’s go sit down.”

A few hours passed, mainly filled with movies and laughter from Nina as I watched Yunho play with her during slow scenes of the movies. It was nice to see him like this, I wonder why his ex would cheat and say she found someone better. He was a busy man, but he always tried to make up for his time by spending extra time with his daughter and cooking and playing with her. “Can I call y/n mommy now?” Nina asked innocently. That comment made me snap out of my thoughts. Yunho stopped giggling and sat up straight. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why do you say that Nina?” He asked seriously. “Because she reminds me of mommy, but better.” Nina said, pouting. I just got up from the couch, “sorry Nina, but I have to go.” I said, patting her head softly before rushing to the door. I heard Yunho telling Nina to stay where she was and I heard heavy footsteps behind me. I reached the door and opened it quickly, rushing outside, only for my wrist to be caught by the person I didn’t want to look at. “y/n? What’s the matter?” “Nothing Yunho, I just have to go.” I said deadpan, I wanted to cry, tell him I loved him, but how can I without ruining our built friendship again? Yunho’s grip tightened around my wrist then I felt his other hand spin me around, forcing me to look at his chest. “Look at me,” he said sternly. I never heard this tone from him besides the times I would cry into his chest about my pathetic, toxic ex boyfriends. I was shaking slightly, maybe from the cold, or the fear of looking Yunho in the eyes. With the little courage I had, I looked him directly in the eyes, I watched his eyes soften, “Why are you trying to leave-” I cut him off, tears were in my eyes, “Yunho, please let go of me. I need to go. I can’t stay here, I’m sorry. I love Nina, but what she said... I can’t handle it. I can’t handle it because you will never see me like that.” I started, getting out of his grip, backing away slowly. “I loved you Yunho, I actually still love you. Since we were kids, but you will never see me like that, and I don’t want Nina to think I’ll be her new mom when we aren’t anything.” I continued. I didn’t even want to wait for a response, I just rushed to my car, starting it and leaving before Yunho could stop my car. I knew he didn’t love me back…but how wrong I was. 

Days went by, then it was weeks. I called my assistant to tell them I got sick and wouldn’t be in for a while, I ignored every text and call that came from Yunho. I really only responded when I knew it was Nina texting from her speech pattern and little kid spelling. I couldn't face him, not after what I said. Was I being childish? Sure, but feelings make you feel like that. I want to hold him, hug him, have him tell me it’s okay, but he’s not mine, and he would never be. I wiped my tears with my tissues as I sat on my sofa with an oversize t-shirt and shorts, used tissues filled with tears and snot covered the table as a twilight movie played in the background. Way to go y/n, a grown adult crying over a problem I made myself because I couldn’t control my emotions. The movie was loudly playing until my doorbell started to ring louder than the tv, I sniffed and paused my movie. I silently groaned, not wanting to open the door. I was going to ignore it, but remembered I was sad enough to deliver food and thought it could be my poor uber eats driver holding my two pizza boxes and cake desserts with extra whip cream. I got up and wiped my face to avoid being asked if I was okay. I didn’t bother looking at my peep hole, what a mistake. As I opened my door, Yunho stood there. He was wearing a simple black tee and gray sweatpants with gray jordans. I wanted to close my door, but he caught it. “y/n..please. Let’s talk.” He says, his voice soft enough that it made me want to cry. I didn’t have the energy to try and kick him out so I just moved away from the door and stepped back. “I just want to talk about the last time I saw- are you crying?” Yunho began before seeing my bloodshot eyes, I turned around not being able to face him. “N-No I’m not.” I said trying my best not to sniffle. Yunho sighed and walked in completely, closing the door behind him. I didn’t want to look at him, until I felt his arms wrap around my body, his hands automatically wrapping around the waist. His warm body heat transferred to me and I wanted to cry even more. He slowly turned me around and gently placed my head against his chest. “You can cry..it’s okay.” he whispers. I cried into his chest, tears kept falling, and Yunho just held me in the middle of my home. I probably spent half an hour just crying into his chest. It was like the old times, and my heart ached. Yunho’s shirt was soaked by the time I slowly got out of his warm hug, despite it being a black shirt, it was noticeable I was crying into it. “I’m sorry Yunho..I’m sorry..” I began to apologize. Yunho just looked at me sadly and gave me a small supportive smile, “y/n love, it’s okay..” he whispers. My head started to ache in pain as the crying took a lot out of me, I groaned softly and put my head against my forehead. “How about you go upstairs to your room? I’ll bring you medicine.” Yunho offered. “What? No I’m okay-” “Stop lying to me please. Just go lie down. I’ll figure out where your room is later.” Yunho said sternly. Not having the energy to argue, I just simply nodded, before heading up I mumbled, “my room is the one on the right at the very end.” before walking up the stairs.

As I laid down on my bed, my head began to hurt even more, Yunho came into my room a few minutes later with a glass full of water, and some head ache medication. He set the stuff down on my night stand, and glanced around my room. My sanrio stuff animals on one side of my bed, and some small posters of music and photos of trips. He chuckles, like seeing my room matched me perfectly. “What?” I mumbled, blush growing onto my cheeks. “Nothing..nothing. Your room just fits you that’s all.” He smiled, sitting on the edge of my bed. I didn’t say anything, too scared to speak to him now that he was in my room. I basically confessed and now I have to deal with the rejection. I reached over and took the medication pills and gulp down the water before laying back in bed. “So..can you just reject me, so we can move on..” “reject you? Why would I reject you?” I frowned at his answer, did he enjoy my pain? “You came here to say I’m sorry, I’m not interested right? So go on and reject me!” I said loudly, ignoring the thumping pain in my head. Yunho just shook his head, “You’re unbelievable.” “what?” I took offense to his comment. He stretched over to the point he was hovering over me, I could feel his warm breath on my face to my neck. His long body completely covering me. “You never even let me answer you that day.” He mumbles, “Because I know-” “No you don’t y/n. Listen to me y/n, I love you as well. I always been so scared to hurt our friendship, and when we graduated. Fuck, I regretted not telling you. Yes I got married and I have my beautiful Nina, but the love never felt like how I love you.” I was speechless. Yunho liked me, like actually likes me. “I..Yunho..” I tried to talk, but nothing came out. It was a lot to process, but my headache made it worse. Yunho looked at me, biting his lip before I felt his lips against mine. It felt so good to have him on me, I kissed him back, our lips molded together like it was suppose to be like this. We kissed for a few more minutes before I pulled my head back to breath. He was so breathtaking, no words could express how good he looked. “I..let’s talk about this later..maybe..” I mumbled. He tilted his head, “Your head still hurts?” he asked, I nodded in reply. He hummed then gave me a kiss on my cheek, “I have an idea. But I need your permission.” he whispers. I furrowed my eyebrows, “What is it..?” I questioned. “Well, I heard from some friends and maybe some articles..that sex helps..but only if you want it.” he whispers, his eyes focused on me. My mouth was agape, not knowing how to answer. I mean, SEX WITH YUNHO? YES, but my mouth couldn’t say it. “I’m..I’m okay with that.” I mumbled, looking up to him. “Don’t worry, I won’t have full sex if you’re uncomfortable. Just let me take care of you. Safe word princess?” My head buzzed, because why was he like this, so caring and sexy. I just wanted him. My head clouded with thoughts of him. “Hmm..it can be red.” I whispered, feeling his chest through his t-shirt. He gave me a smile, before his hands gripped my hips, he gave me a quick kiss on my forehead, before his head reached down to my stomach. 

His lips kissed my stomach, reaching my lower region, his hands handling my thighs. He gave quick licks to my inner thighs. I squirmed at the feeling, but my lower region gushed with need. “Yuyu..please.” I whined. He chuckled darkly, “you’ve been calling me Yunho the whole time, so go ahead. Keep calling me Yunho. Or maybe you can call me something different.” He teased, his hands softly rubbing my thighs. “S-Sir please..” I whined looking down at him. His eyes grew dark and he smirked. I lifted my lower region and he gently took off my shorts and panties, his hands immediately cupping my cunt. I let out a soft moan as his fingers rubbed my folds, the feeling was new, but I wanted more. I felt his hot breath and he suddenly landed his tongue onto my folds. My hands tugged on his hair, pushing him deeper into me. His tongue swirled around and sucked. I moaned out, “mhm.. Fuck..sir, feels so good.” He detached himself from my cunt and chuckled, “Yeah? You feel good baby?” He whispers, his voice an octave lower. My head was hazy, his lips touched my cunt once again. He began sucking on my clit, pleasure spreading throughout my body. My nerves were on high, I felt my head fill with dopamine, as it felt so good. My lower region was tightening and I squeezed my thighs together, softly squeezing Yunho’s head. He gripped my thighs and spread me out, opening me more as he lapped over my cunt. “I..I” I couldn’t speak, only moans and groans could be let out. “Go ahead and cum baby.” He mumbled before continuing his action. I felt myself release in his mouth and he kept eating me out as I was calming down, turning sensitive. “Y-Yu..too much.” I whined. He detached himself and I saw my juices around his mouth, as he used his fingers to wipe his mouth, I watched as he inserted his own fingers covered in my juices into his own mouth and he hummed. “You taste good baby.” he smirked. My body was tired, but my headache was gone, I gave him a drunken smile, “Do I now?” I said, feeling like I was high. Yunho just smiled and got off of my bed, “I’ll be right back.” he says, before leaving my room. He came back a few minutes later with a warm towel and more water. “Where’s your wardrobe, for your underwear.” He asked, looking around at the multiple cabinets. “Bottom left on the 3 layer.” I said, he walked over and opened it. I saw him smirk and grab an underwear then close it. “We have to use those toys next time.” He commented, I blushed at his comment. He gently wiped me, knowing I was still sensitive, and changed my panties. As he finished, he helped me drink water then put the blanket on top of me. He laid down next to me, I saw him take off his shirt before his body went under the covers. His arms wrapped around my waist, making me a small spoon in the bed, and I blushed. His head snuggled into my neck as he gently left pecks. “Let’s rest for now. We’ll speak later.” he whispers. I nodded and felt my body get tired, but I knew how I should feel now. Loved. He was in love with me, and I was in love with him. “I love you yuyu..” I mumbled before closing my eyes. “I love you too, my princess.”

[escapedaudios]

I've always been a creative person, especially regarding storytelling, but for most of my life I convinced myself it was a waste of time. I never thought anyone would care. I kept my ideas to myself and never shared them with anyone. I pushed that part of me away for years and I wish I had let it shine sooner.

When people tell me I made them laugh, cry, feel thrilled or scared or enamored I still can hardly believe it. I'm so glad the little pieces of myself that I put into my stories mean something to people, even strangers far away that I'll never meet but still managed to touch somehow.

I'm not the biggest or the most popular. I know I'll never have the same amount of mass appeal and algorithmic reach as boyfriend roleplay channels, but I'm glad to have you all here and I appreciate the community I have so so much. Especially on Tumblr where everyone is so fun and creative and down to earth. Seeing fanart of my series makes me so happy, knowing that I could fill people's imaginations like that literally changed my life.

Also, I'm shouting out @scytheaudio , you can thank him for Escaped Audios existing as it does. Around the time I was making The Neon Barbarian and getting only a few hundred views per video, I was a little discouraged seeing boyfriend ASMR channels outpace me. I felt like I had to do what they did to be noticed, and that I'd be wasting my time doing things the way I wanted to do them. I was afraid that people would think my work was too strange, too violent, too upsetting and drive them away. Seeing a fellow creator with even rougher edges than me be so unapologetically and uncompromisingly himself early on inspired me to stay true to myself.

I'm staying around, I have tons of great ideas for 2024 and I'll try my best to bring them all to life. I love audio roleplay so much, and I want to keep pushing the limits of creative and unqiue storytelling in it. I can't wait to see you all next year, and to bring my stories to even more people! Der Wolfsjäger, The New Orleans Rats, My Grease Fire Life, Neon Memoriam, My True Love is Dead, and (god willing) Blue Infinity are going to be some of the freshest most unique masterpieces you've ever seen.

[antiromanticbaby]

Black Lotus - Satan

Prince!Satan x GN!Reader

[✧] ー we need more Victorian era themed stuff of these characters :( happy late birthday, Satan <3

Summary: Satan's birthday ball had been quite suffocating, he wanted a break. And who else better than the masked stranger on the balcony to strike up a conversation with? Similar to: roses - lucifer beware: I'm trying to write something historical (just tad bit) so correct me if any title was wrong alright? It's kinda hard keeping it gender neutral ;-; You can listen to: undecided for now, any classic song goes well. my recommended song is merry-go round of life Not proof read

TO think he would be stuck here of all places. Yes, Satan appreciated the fact that his brothers had gone as far as throwing a full blown ball for his birthday, but it was so unnecessary. Uncomfortable in his own skin, hidden behind a mask and smile. He would much rather sit in the silent library, without all these eyes on him, as he enjoyed a roller coaster of adventures with his beloved books. These restrained smiles, two faces now turned three, laughing and enjoying a birthday he wasn't. The big reveal was yet to come. The plan was for him to communicate with other nobles without them keeping themselves back just because he was the fourth born prince. Hence why masks covered everyone's faces. But Satan would much rather do the communication with what the others deemed as peasants than nobles. After all, many of these nobles were of no interest to him. They were just puppets, thinking they were the puppeteer, unaware to all the strings his brothers had attached to them.

He could read these nobles like open books, yet they thought a smile would protect them from Satan's sharp mind and eyes. While this ball did boost his ego (and was his chance at meeting suitors), he wanted a break. There people hired by his brothers to look like the 'prince', and converse with others so they would be distracted from the actual prince. Satan glanced at where all the gifts where.

All these and yet no books? How disappointing.

He needed a break, didn't he? He was tired of keeping up this act. Unfortunately for him, as he approached his favorite spot in the ballroom -the balcony- someone was already there. At least it was one person, not a group of drunk nobles. Whoever this person was, they seemed to be silent too. Good for him. But if this other guest also wanted a break from these nobles, perhaps they could get along. So he decided to approach them, you. He was the prince, he could break rules anytime.

"Good evening, sir/miss. You know, there is an indoor space with couches and tables, correct? Surely your grace wouldn't want to catch a cold." Satan spoke, keeping his distance. Neither of you knew each other's identity and he wondered just how he should address you. You probably had no idea. He decided he would speak about this matter later tomorrow with his etiquette teacher.

You turned around, unbothered by his presence. Of course you were, you viewed him like any other noble guest here and not the prince. "My sincerest apologies, my lord. The ball was getting quite suffocating, so I came to the balcony for some fresh air."

"I know how that feels," Satan replies, his tone of voice still sounding dull. He couldn't help but agree. All night, nothing had grabbed his attention and that was boring him to death. He was tempted to sneak out and back to the library but knowing the annoying eldest, he'd be dragged back in no time. He frowned. Usually nobles came to balls with a partner, so where was yours. "Please disregard my question if it seems to invasive, but are you alone?"

"Yes unfortunately, I couldn't find a suitable partner for the night." you spoke. "If you do not mind answering, how about you, my lord?"

"Hm… I was here by force, this day is more of a celebration for my brothers than myself. I never took a liking to such events, people, conversations." Satan is rather blunt about this. However he made sure his statues are hidden. "What a coincidence, that we both find ourselves in the same predicament." he pauses, then adds, "You are very mysterious, I've never seen you before."

"What a coincidence, that you speak the same lines as the forbidden book 'Black Lotus*', the tale of a musician and a blind prince who only realized he had fallen for a man once the musician was executed." You hummed, smiling. It was the same predicament of the book too, only that none of you were blind. And that you hadn't expected him to be the prince.

"You are quite the bold one, admitting that you have read a forbidden book." Satan pauses for one moment before speaking, "But I must admit, I have read it too. I can't say I feel any sympathy for the blind prince, if only he could've seen the man who he loved, maybe it would've been a different story."

His expression, rather cold from the outside, is warmer than usual as he speaks. You nodded, speaking up. The sudden shift in Satan's attitude hadn't gone unnoticed by you. "And of course, the musician could see. The piece he had written out for the prince and him only... the piano sheets were written in the book and I am truly amazed at how beautiful it was." You sighed dreamily. "For our tale will never end in love. The name of the ballade was… fairy tale, right?"

"Yes, I believe 'fairy tale' is the name of the ballade. As if fate was mocking those who read it. Quite the wise of choice of name if I may speak." If it wasn't for the expressionless and masquerade mask, it would be possible to tell exactly how intrigued Satan actually is by the conversation; he might have even chuckled.

"Quite informant, my lord. I wonder how vast your library and how powerful your connections are." You chuckled, teasing him just the slightest. If the noble in front of you could have his hands on a forbidden book, you wondered what else he could do with his power. He raised his eyebrows, however the action was hidden beneath the mask. "Are you impressed by such things?"

"Who knows, my lord." You turned away from his prying eyes, a smile pulling up to your lips. "A wise and knowledgeable man such as you must have travelled a lot, am I correct?"

"Yes, my lord/lady. However, I have only travelled a little." he shook his head bitterly. "I live quite the secluded life, you see, I have been on a couple of... diplomatic missions. However, the most I've travelled is in and out of the palace library. I still read about distant lands and people and learn of their ways and customs. Though I am no longer allowed outside of our kingdom or this castle." he looks rather saddened by this comment. "My family has quite the power, and after my oldest brother, I would be the most suitable to take over. If he were to somehow die, I would be the first in line to take over our family, based on our parents' will. That would put a target on my back so my mother and father don't allow me out of the castle and our kingdom anymore."

"What a bitter tale, my lord. This reminded me of the tale of the magician who escaped the life of nobles and once his family took a hold of him again, he was forced to live a life of isolation until he was in power. And until then, his only escapism of this cruel reality were books." Your frowned at that. "And yet, all along, he knew that these books could only give him a semblance of reality."

"You mean 'The Mad Magician'? Were you aware that this book has been written based on true stories?" He asked, interested. You knew so many books didn't you? Perhaps you were more interesting than you let on. And in that moment, the mask on your face was looking more like an obstacle than anything else. What a mystery you were.

"There are days I could relate to that story." He pauses, a bittersweet smile forming on his face. "Sometimes I dream about leaving the castle, running away with nothing but the clothes on my back and whatever books I can carry, and never look back." he laughs, but there's a sadness to it.

You frowned at that. You knew how strict most royal families were, but to this extent? Perhaps if you knew more about his title and just who he was, you could have a better grasp. Before you could speak up, he did. "I often think of what would happen to me if my eldest brother is gone, will my life be any better? And as much as I try to despise him, I imagine that I would feel empty without him. The imagination of not having him is quite saddening, as much as I hate to admit it."

"You know, my lord," You paused, wondering how to word it. "Perhaps one day we can go on adventures together, and remake our favorite scenes in books."

"That sounds… appealing… we could explore the world and escape, even for a little while." Satan's eyes lit up. "To be free from our duties, our restrictions and to just explore… it's an alluring prospect, indeed."

"And perhaps, we can begin by sharing our full names, by taking our masks off." A smile tugged up to your lips. "After all, we have spoken of forbidden book and romance, this wouldn't change a thing, would it?"

You were caught off guard as Satan stepped closer, closing the distance between you. He grasped your hands in his and brought it to his mask, a smile finally gracing his cold demeanor. He allowed you to take it off, relishing in the way your eyes widened. You were talking to the prince all this time and only now you understood. "If our secrets are to be told, then I believe we should start with our faces. Now may I see yours, my lord/lady? What is it that I ought to call you?"

Your mouth fell agape and your hands went to your mask, but before you could take it off, hurried footsteps approached. A deep voice spoke up, and you could identify those intense red eyes anywhere. The crown prince, Lucifer. "It seems that you have taken your mask off before the due time, Satan." He gave you a passing glance before motioning for Satan to put it back up. "No matter, come with me quickly, it is about time we reveal who you are."

There was no room for objection as Lucifer walked back inside the ballroom, expecting Satan to follow. Just as things were going well, the eldest had to ruin it for him again. He put his mask back on, giving you a warm smile and nod of the head before leaving. That night, you left a black lotus in the balcony where you stood. And going home, you thought he would never know you.

Little did you know, you didn't go home alone that night.

But as time passed, you would notice lotuses appearing on your balcony. Each time on top of a new book, sometimes even forbidden books. Perhaps the ball wasn't as fruitless as it seemed, because soon enough, letters arrived too.

happy birthday Satan, our little ball of wrath.

Black Lotus: I came up with this book very randomly and chose this name because black lotus symbolizes death, and rebellion.

p.: And after two weeks of receiving endless flowers, a majestic carriage stopped in front of your castle/palace/mansion/place. You can decide how it went :)

[buckys-wintersoldier]

Surprise

First of all, thank you to everyone who joined me and helped me with that idea. For finding those nice words, even when she knows that you appreciate her, even when she knows that you love her work. And a special thank you also to @lives-in-midgard, without her, I would not have found the courage to really do this. You helped me when I was just a minute before I threw that all away.

Skittle? @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Finally, you are allowed to know about the surprise. I made this to thank you. I know you already know that I appreciate you, but I wanted to show you that not only I do, but also other people do, and it’s a better way than just telling you.

But thank you so much for always being so kind and helpful. You’re not annoyed, and even when the day isn’t perfect, sometimes it never changes your kindness. Not many people are like you are, and I hope you know deserve all the good and the best and that you’re worth it.

It’s an honor to be your friend and get your support personally and with fics. It's always fun to talk to you about ideas and add details, but it’s also fun to talk to you about everything else. I hope you know that I will always be there for you and support you as much as I can. The moment you started following me and whenever a notification with your name appeared in my notification, it made me so happy because it was and still is such an honor.

And I’m not the only one who thinks like that, so here are some people who think so too. Enjoy their messages for you.

@ellemj: You were the very first writer to ever reach out to me on Tumblr and honestly, I freaked out a little when I saw your user and realized I'd definitely read your work before. It was like I was living out some kind of dream. You're so kindhearted and willing to talk to other members of the community, it's inspiring. I feel lucky that I've gotten to be on the receiving end of your kindness. Thank you for being a friend and thank you for sharing your amazing works with us all!

@lives-in-midgard: Dear Skittle, I want to let you know that I really enjoy reading your stories and always love to see what you came up with! 💗 Beside that I also really love to see you in my notification or on my for you page. Reading your comments on my fics always makes me smile! I'm sending you hugs! 💞

@buckyysdoll: hon, you truly seem like such a genuinely sweet person. the way you interact with the fics you love and reblog on your page is honestly heartwarming, and you can see even from an outsider’s view how affectionate and encouraging it is. keep up your kindness hon, & happy belated new year too! we need more people like you in this world 💛🌻☀️sending love & hugs from a stranger xx

@sergeantbarnessdoll: I love her. She always has something nice to say, even when you’re having a bad day

anon: I love your work, it always puts a giddy smile on my face and brightens my day. When I see a new post I do a wee happy dance in my seat (or bed).

anon: Hi Skittle I love reading your stories! And I always get excited when I see that you have a new one shot!

@rogersbarber: such an incredible and talented person!!🖤

[chaisshitposts]

hi love if you don’t mind can you go in more detail about the time you entered the void and manifested your job? what was your mindset like before you entered? what do you think helped you enter? i’m in my 20s as well and really want to at least get my dream job first of all things and then i feel like i could finally relax you know? :( so your help would be greatly appreciated🥹

also i think your followers are really nice and mature so when i do tap in, i wouldn’t mind affirming (everyone who likes my success story and has good intentions will enter roe)

sure! let's see if I can remember as many details as possible— it was a couple days after I had my job interview, I had already been affirmin' my ass off that that job was mine and no one could take it from me— on this particular day, I think it was a Sunday. the lady who interviewed me said I would get my answer on the followin' Wednesday, and god that stressed me out, but I still kept affirmin'. on that day, I felt an extreme sense of drowsiness and so I had went to try and sleep in my bed. I already knew about SATs and whatever so I thought I could just affirm as I go to sleep, which I did. I was 'asleep' but I was still repeating my affirmations over and over, only focusin' on them while I was physically tossing and turning. Since I was tryna sleep, my eyes were already closed and it was silent in my room so ig I just didn't care about my surroundings. I do, however, remember that at some point I was affirmin' and was fully aware of my affirmations but then somethin' changed inside me and I was like 'Its done, nothing more for me to do, I don't wanna stress over this anymore. I can't sleep so, might as well just go back downstairs.' Then I opened my eyes and got up, feeling my stress about everything completely gone.

I went downstairs, right as my ma sat down after gettin' a package off the porch and that's when she gave me my new phone. (I still live with my family, yes, but only bc california is a dirt bag ofc) And I kid ya not, a couple minutes after I opened up the box with my new phone in it, I got a congratulations email from the lady who interviewed me, as well as the offer letter on my old phone. I freaked out afterwards bc I was like, ain't no way??? She said she'd send me somethin' on WEDNESDAY?? It's SUNDAY. I even told my ma and she was excited, then I was like-- I really manifested this??? After an entire year of being unemployed despite havin' my degree, and forcin' myself to work at Amazon and FedEx just to have a lil' change to call my own... I finally scored the job I WANT.

The best advice I could give you tbh is that ya should make robotic affirmin', the list method, and the ten minute method yer best friend. I did not have a good outlook on employment until I settled down and decided to change my thinkin' and god I was still stressed as fuck even when I affirmin'. I've never been good at talkin' to strangers, especially on the phone or on video call, but I affirmed right up until the interview started that the job would be mine no matter what and I was completely calm. Now, I am a step closer to my dream job. (I'm a substitute teacher currently workin' towards my credentials to be a full-time teacher in case ya were wonderin', the company I work for also provides grants to pay for the schooling needed to get credentialed which is such a big fuckin' bonus)

and yes, they definitely all are amazin' people, I never expected to have such a positive lil' community of followers but I am grateful to them, for sure.

bUt, okay, lemme stop ramblin' here's what I wantcha to do anonnie— I want ya to make yerself a list, title it whatever ya want to call the list, and fill that list with affirmations, askformations, statements, new beliefs, whatever ya want. could include anything ya want, details about the job ya want, how much money ya wanna make, how ya want the bosses to treat ya, what kinda work environment ya want, whatever, and then I want ya to include some self-concept affirmations, as well as some affirmations about the void (whatever feels natural for you), ah and some manifestation affirmations too. make it however long or short ya want, doesn't matter. once ya have that, read it over as many times as ya want and then throughout the day, whenever ya can, I want ya to robotically affirm that you've got everything on [name of yer list], say this whenever ya can, and especially when ya start thinkin' negative about whatever you desire or whenever ya feel like you're about spiral. affirm this through everything and anything, affirm if ya can't help but cry, affirm when yer angry, affirm when yer happy, just keep affirmin.'

as long as ya keep this up and correct yer thoughts, you'll have guaranteed movement in yer life, that's the law. even in false hope, whatever is repeated shall harden into fact.

[yuurivoice]

Just wanted to say that even though I do avoid exploring any tags related to me, I do absolutely recognize and appreciate a ton of you who regularly post awesome art, headcanons, and memes.

A lot of that is thanks to people sharing those fun, awesome things! Reblogs where I end up seeing them on mutuals blogs and stuff helps, so share and gas each other up!

There are people in this community that have been here for years, who have seen this entire corner of the internet shift and grow for better or worse. The OGs who have been around before I ever made this blog know how far the community has come, how much it's stayed the same, and how much it has changed. And I've grown along with it. My aspirations and hopes and creativity has evolved so much from just doing silly little posts as an anime twink to having a full blown web series.

Despite that growth, I am still just a guy trying to tell his stories and make some voices while doing it. I have a small team around me, and without them this would be even more difficult than it already is. We're not corporate, we're independent artists and freelancers and creatives just trying to do cool stuff, and are lucky enough that something worked.

I've failed so much over the course of my life. You see the results of things, and for the most part are incredibly kind and supportive. Thousands upon thousands have appreciated my work in one way or another, and that's a dream come true for me. I never bothered wanting anything more in my life than to share stories with people. I didn't have a bucket list, or many aspirations. I was at a dead end and ready to just give up. That mentality and the time spent going in circles did a lot of damage over time.

But you found me, whether it was 6 years ago or a week ago, and whatever support and vibes you've sent my way have mattered. I won't ever lose sight of that.

I wanted to say that because I know I am not as ingrained into my own community as an active participant and that may make me seem distant, or stuck up, or something. It's not for any sort of disdain or lack of appreciation though, it's just me, and trying to keep my head clear.

You don't get an instruction manual when you're suddenly a niche internet micro celebrity. They don't tell you about scrolling through fan art at 3am and then seeing the nastiest, most mean spirited, bad faith takes about your work you've ever seen. Shit is weird, man. And it's not for me, because I give way too much of a shit about my art, and that's a flaw. My skin has gotten thicker over the years, but what happens on days when your mental health is in the shitter? Weeks where I've been fighting my demons and losing can't afford me the grace to step on a weird internet landmine brought on by the symptoms of being a creative trying and failing and succeeding all at once in a world where everyone on the internet has an opinion they want to shout into the void.

And people can do that! It's my responsibility to look after myself and set those boundaries for my own comfort, not anyone's fault for just doing their thing on the internet, ya know? Once you put yourself out there, you have to accept that people are gonna people. Same irl, shit, I've been a fat kid my whole life, I'm certainly no stranger to people being obscenely rude for no reason other than they like the sound of their own voice.

I just wanted y'all to know that even though we're well beyond the "little internet family" vibes that some creators foster, I'm not up in some ivory tower (ha, said the thing) looking down like a curmudgeon. I am rooting especially hard for all the fellow creatives out there on their own journeys, wanting to share their passion and dreams with the world as well. I want you to win, and succeed, and find fulfillment with whatever drives you to make things.

Guess I was in my feelings a little bit and just wanted to say that I do see many of you and am thankful you've allowed me to play some kind of role in entertaining, comforting, or inspiring you. That means the world to me.

[pbs-theundeadmaggot]

₊°✧︡˗ˏˋ❤ˎˊ˗ 𝖩𝖺𝗇𝗎𝖺𝗋𝗒 ₊°✧︡˗ˏˋ❤ˎˊ˗

I hope everyone has had an amazing start to the new year, I know it can be tough and January lowkey sucks but it will get better! 2022 for me was a long year of recovery and somehow I'm kinda clean (although I still don't know how to feel about it, especially when people comment on how much 'better' I'm doing but I'm taking it a day at a time.) Anyways, I kinda feel like 2023 might be a good-ish year so I hope it is for you too <3

ps. I know this list is early but I'm like a toddler who gets to excited to wait for anything and ruins it, so here is the early but one of my favourite rec lists to make. (idk why but it was particularly fun this month lol)

this year I'm also gonna try putting out some decent content starting with my fics (available here). I'm currently only writing for Steve and Eddie from Stranger things but in the future I may try writing for other fandoms (the Xavier Thorpe fic was a self indulgent piece idk if I'll carry on writing for him though), I'd really appreciate anyone to give feedback and reblog cause it keeps me motivated (pls I'm actually begging for some attention lmao my last two fics have got like zero attention and I genuinely don't know if I'm a shit writer or something else lmao, pls even if you hate it lmk! I'll take anything atp).

anyways... ignore my rambles as always, the last piece of news im sharing is my new series I'm starting soon! where I'll be diving into the history of metal and what it means to the community etc so if thats something you'd be interested in you are more than welcome to join the army of maggots I've got going on (I say an army but I'm pretty sure it's just me lol).

[please respect writers terms, I am not responsible for what kind of content you consume but please be aware that minors will be blocked if they chose to interact with 18+ content.]

more fic recommendations available here

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚｡˚ ⋆ -- 𝖲𝗍𝖾𝗏𝖾 𝖧𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗍𝗈𝗇 -- ⋆ ˚｡⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

The mixtape detectives by @babyrunsforfanfic

Want me like I want you by @beezywriting

Under the covers by @stevesbabysittingservice

Hey Steven by @munsonsreputation

If you loved me (why’d you leave me?) by @1986harrington

When we are together by @foreverromanticising

I’m never going to dance again, the way I danced with you by @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

Love as sweet as honey (and lover I’m hungry) by @stevebabey

Time after time by @musingginger

Sharing secrets by @livingintheupsidedown

A virtual romance (new series!) by @justmeinadaze

Tis the damn season (series!) by @katyswrites

Bad at love by @loveshotzz

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚｡˚ ⋆ -- 𝖤𝖽𝖽𝗂𝖾 𝖬𝗎𝗇𝗌𝗈𝗇 -- ⋆ ˚｡⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Need you tonight by @sebuckyverse

Flipped by @ashwhowrites

Bottom of the bottle by @fanficsgal0re

New sensation by @darkdarkroom

Fooled round & fell in love (series!) by @bimbobaggins69

Lavander haze by @munsonsreputation

I think I’ve loved you forever by @cinemaquinn

Something new by @newlips

In the middle of nowhere (ongoing series!) by @sweetpeapod

Mine and yours by @muertawrites

Morning coffee by @jamdoughnutmagician

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚｡˚ ⋆ -- 𝖡𝗎𝖼𝗄𝗒 𝖡𝖺𝗋𝗇𝖾𝗌 -- ⋆ ˚｡⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Side effect by @delaber

cherry blossom by @buckycuddlebuddy

Everyone’s watching him (but he’s looking at her) @writing-for-marvel

Shouldn’t have gone by @imyourbratzdoll

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚｡˚ ⋆ -- 𝖫𝗈𝗄𝗂 𝖫𝖺𝗎𝖿𝖾𝗒𝗌𝗈𝗇 -- ⋆ ˚｡⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Chocolate & promises by @michelleleewise

lost prince (ongoing series!) by @xxntiimulti

For better or for worse (ongoing series!) by @wheredafandomat

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚｡˚ ⋆ -- 𝖷𝖺𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗋 𝖳𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗉𝖾 -- ⋆ ˚｡⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Flower power by @pythonees

Siren song by @wintervalewritersecond

Rumors by @yourmidnightlover

Kiss me and shut up by @elysianrogers

Invisible string by @mntalbrakdown

Foxglove to adorne thy dells (ongoing series!) by @nevermoremagic

Something that we’re not by @profound-imagination

Artists collide by @shesluxurious

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚｡˚ ⋆ -- 𝖱𝖺𝖿𝖾 𝖢𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗋𝗈𝗇 -- ⋆ ˚｡⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

So gorgeous it actually hurts by @folkloreslovechild

[abimee]

THREE YEARS OF TOCK TUTTI POSTING..... every year i can never describe how much this little lalafell means to me and the joy and wonder she's brought to my life as if i didnt make her purely because i wanted to be a miqote but didnt find any pretty and just slapped together a lalafell and gave her a goofy name.

Tock is so much more in my brain now because my ocs are like my children but also people who appear before me and have their own thoughts and feelings that I get to walk their path with and above all my ocs i think tock tutti has to be my favorite. she is my special girl. she is everything to me. ive been posting about ff14 for 3 years straight now and i dont see that slowing down for at least another 3 years. as long as tock wants to walk forward and see another day i'll walk with her and see her on her way. The world revolves around her in my mind.

I can get sappy here and i know its #justagame and you all heard me hee haw about how much i both absolutely despise ff14 and its fans yet also love it and its fans dearly. how i got to get closer to my best friend through it and be put through the ringer by complete strangers in it. Get mocked and laughed at in it and sat quietly and watched the stars in it with people. I dont like talking about the intricacies of my personal/irl life and even when i talk a lot about myself i dont really try to reveal information about how im living or how i see my future but no matter what goes on out there the fact that i have a little creation of my own i can come to and dress her up or send her on an adventure or go farm with has gotten me through a lot of really dark places and moments in my life that dont even compare to the utter horrors i experienced as a teenager. and I didnt have anything like tock tutti or this game in that time and so had to deal with a lot of that terror and pain by myself with nothing to distract me or help me through it, and its #justagame but its a very important one to me. endwalker especially. I have a deep and unending love for meteion and hermes and getting to meet them and I think even when im old and wrinkly theyre going to sit in my heart as something important to me even then. And tock will too, even when the day comes where I have to let her go and can no longer walk with her.

as that one comment on the youtube upload of dynamis puts it, this game is just really special to me. and I'm glad to have been put on it by my best friend. and I hope for all my bitching and complaining everyone can still see how much it has influenced my art and my creative endevears and can see the love I feel for the characters, the community, and so on. I don't really interact with the community due to a distaste for fandom from some really awful experiences back in the ye old undertale days, so i appreciate the people who follow me and my art and are very kind to me in this community even if i dont follow back/talk to you. I hope I can keep making art you enjoy and that you can see how happy i am here, and above all else to see that tock tutti is a special little oc of mine that I want to share with you all, and I hope you come to love her just as I do. My little sweet pea my melon head my singer of light

[mostlikelytofangirl]

I've read fic where JGY was abusive and found it in character. I don't think 'abusive' and 'not abusive' are two separate categories of people. Under the right circumstances, any person or character can exhibit abusive behaviors and, with a long enough time frame and no interventions, their relationship could certainly become abusive.

If the word 'abuse' seems so incompatible with our beloved villains, can we really say we love them as villains if we can't love and acknowledge their capacity for harm?

-Regular Anon

Oh hi there, anon! Nice to see you again :D. Sorry this took so long in getting answered, I've been having a case of Real Life(tm) recently orz.

Anyways, I'm guessing this is maybe apropos of this other ask? In any case, let me just go part by part starting with the last statement bc I actually agree there with you.

If we claim to like a character, there's really no point in ignoring key elements of their personality, right? If we like villains, we like them bc of the fucked up shit they do and how very sexy of them it was, not in spite of. That's why even when I can indulge myself in the occasional fic with a softer canon WRH (bc food be scarce and every treat is appreciated :'))), I don't fully subscribe to that bc that's just not how he is. Even in AUs there just has to be some of his og assholery or at least make the changes make sense.

But here's where my first caveat comes, and it's something I mentioned in my other reply too. The characters' circumstances.

Now, idk what kind of fic you read, and at the end of the day, if it works for you, that's totally cool! I just would have to assume that JGY's life still had some level of shittery to it, or he was going through someting bc really, this is the character that saved a perfect stranger in the middle of the war without any ulterior motive, nothing to offer, and risking his own safety just bc it was the right thing to do.

The entire point of MY/JGY is that he was "corrupted" by a society that left him with only two options: accept your fate as a bottom feeder, or cheat the system in whatever way you can bc you are always going to be inherently disadvantaged. And here's my second caveat:

JGY doesn't read like a villain to me. An antagonist, maybe, but an actual force of evil in complete oposition to the core values of the heroes and actively trying to hurt/stop them? Not really.

So it's not only that, but also the fact that he's a nurturing person at his core that lead me to disagree with the notion that he would be purposedly abusive towards another person unless there's very pressing circumstances that would make it so that his own well-being actually depends on somehow damaging this other individual.

Sorry, but I just don't see it working in any other way.

That being said, yes, you are right, interpersonal relationships are much more complicated than just abusers and victims (despite what some corners of tiktok and twt might say lol). As I also said in that other ask, at some point in our lives, we are all going to be the assholes and even the villains in someone else's story; we are going to hurt those close to use and we are going to make mistakes bc we are humans. But there's a difference between toxic behavior and being a toxic person. So while being a dick bc you had a bad day or bc there's no good communication going on can totally happen to everyone, that's not the same as intentionally hurting and manipulating someone in a systemic fashion fully designed to keep them trapped with you.

THAT is something ingrained in the person at hand, and while there's an entire conversation to be had about nature vs nurture, in JGY's particular case there has been no examples whatsoever in canon to even suggest that that's the direction his character skews towards. On the contrary, he has sacrificed his own desires and needs for those he cares about: being a model husband to QS and never taking a concubine, helping rebuilt Cloud Recesses and creating the watchtowers even if it was unpopular, going to NHS' aid whenever he called despite it being more work for him, never hurting Madam Jin in spite of how she did hurt him, etc. By the end even, pushing LXC away when the man had clearly accepted death with him.

Again, idk the details of the fic you are refering to, for all I know, it's an entire exploration of JGY spiralling down an even darker and more desperate place than in canon, and him becoming abusive towards someone bc, idk, that's the only way in which he can feel in power when his entire life depends on others is the whole point of the thing. And that's perfectly valid too!! What's fiction for if not to explore and go beyond??

I just felt like I should clarify that, while I agree on principle with the villain statement, I don't think it applies to JGY unless there are specific factors playing along, and if those are not met, I personally wouldn't find an abusive!JGY portrayal accurate or in-character.

But once again, that's just my position and I have my preferences and my biases like any other person.

[cityandking]

bravery, vitality, honesty, appreciation for dai, minah and vesper!

thanks dear!! // positive psychology ask meme

BRAVERY– What kinds of risks do they take? What are they willing to risk to help a stranger? Do they consider the cost-benefit of a risk?

DAI — dai mostly takes what I like to call Smart Risks. he'll weigh the net benefit against the net stupidity of an action and act accordingly. unfortunately his high wisdom doesn't let him take more fun Stupid Risks, so he tends to do things that will help the most people without unduly harming anyone (including himself and/or the party, if possible), and he's very much willing to help a stranger so long as it doesn't involve putting someone innocent in harm's way, now or as a consequence of his actions. (blowing himself up was not a Risk; he knew exactly what he was getting into) MINAH — minah takes Selfish Risks. it's only worth sticking her neck out if she gets something in return. typically that's money or goods, but it could also be secrets, or knowledge, or the warm fuzzy feeling of getting one-up on someone, or a future ally. she doesn't weigh cost-benefit so much as personal benefit. VESPER — vesper isn't about risks so much as sacrifice, which means she does a lot of contemplation and consideration but at the end of the day she's still gonna put herself on the line for anyone who needs someone in their corner. this drives her friends (some more than others) absolutely bonkers.

VITALITY– Are they introverted, extroverted, or ambiverted? Are they more active or passive? What do they do to stay energetic?

DAI — introvert! people are exhausting and he'd prefer not to. he's definitely made a transition from being more passive to more active over the course of the campaign, but he'd still prefer to perform his duties and keep socialization to a small, trusted inner circle MINAH — extroverted-leaning ambivert. she does need alone time to recharge every now and then (mostly only when keeping up The Performance becomes too much), but generally speaking she's active and social and outgoing and fundamentally enjoys being around people. she'll soak up a group dynamic like a sponge so long as no one gets too nosy or personal VESPER — introvert. enjoys a small social gathering, but it takes her a while to warm up to individuals, much less community events. her ideal spot at a social gathering is at the edge of the crowd, watching without getting involved. being inquisitor is kind of the worst.

HONESTY– What kinds of small lies do they tell others? What lies do they tell themselves? What is the biggest lie they’ve told?

DAI — the number one lie he tells is that he's doing better than he is, but these days everyone is so busy and generally traumatized that his own issues kind of blur into the general white noise of "shit's fucked." the lie he tells himself is that he's going to take some time to sort himself out after this is done—for one, he's not sure he believes this will ever be "done" and for another he really doesn't want to work through any of the abyss stuff, and is also kind of leery about digging up the Issues(TM) that preceded the abyss. he got through it and he's still standing and really, he's fine. he's functioning and he can keep hold of himself and his surroundings and it's okay. (I don't actually know what the biggest lie he told was. I think maybe he would tell a pretty big lie to zaref if it meant keeping him safe from the Void.) MINAH — oh, y'know, just the standard everyday lies about who she is as a person and what she wants and where she came from and where she's going. little things, y'know? (minah is very good at lying because minah knows how to take a thread of truth and weave it in, just enough that it's hard to tell where the lie begins.) she lies to herself when she tells herself she doesn't care. I couldn't possibly sit here and list out the biggest lies she's told; she's made up of them you see. VESPER — vesper doesn't lie much. honestly, josie tells most of her lies for her: yes she'd love to do X, she's honored by Y, Z is absolutely the top of her list of priorities. y'know, politics. she's also not really the type to lie to herself—she knows herself too well to let herself get away with anything. her biggest lie has always been her certainty in the face of overwhelming odds—in private, where no one can see, she's a creature of doubt.

APPRECIATION– What kind of accomplishments do they recognize? What things do they find beautiful or attractive? Which of their senses do they find most joy engaging with?

DAI — dai recognizes and appreciates inner strength. stuff like ozy's current trudging path of redemption or zaref telling him about his past; he respects that willingness to see and be seen. he finds honesty, art, and charisma/social skill attractive. he's a predominantly visual guy, and enjoys a satisfying image or vista. (it's nice, despite everything else, to be back in the mountains—he missed the views) MINAH — minah respects and recognizes cleverness. she'll acknowledge most traditional accomplishments of strength or skill, but the ability to outplay or outplan someone is something she really admires and is envious of at times. she also she enjoys artistic endeavors, particularly music, theater, and art—a good performance is like catnip to her (in the artistic sense but also in the deception sense). if she had to pick one specific sense, it would be the sonic. at the end of the day, she's a musician VESPER — vesper recognizes most accomplishments—she's pretty open and honest with her praise—but she's particularly impressed by feats of magic or knowledge or skill. (also martial prowess; she likes someone who can swing a weapon and has nice shoulders). she finds beauty in discovery, be it a new place or a new use of her magic or a new side of a person she knows—she's intensely curious. she finds the most joy through touch and taste—circle living was the same day in and day out, and she enjoys the chance to feel the sun on her skin and eat new foods.

[clits-and-clips]

Hey…as someone who has been in a similar position I truly believe you have to give it time and sad to say…cease contact for while. I know dude…it seems impossible it seems scary probably gut wrenching, but your health comes first. If you’re worried about time honestly fuck time. Everyone heals in their own way not everyone bounces back immediately. Not everyone handles situations the same and that’s okay.

You don’t even have to go cold turkey on communication. I always say to myself work with the issues instead of against it. Slowly kind of weening off also is a valid option.

I know the fact that it feels like it’s hurting you more than him and yeah that shit stings man. But again you have to take care of yourself. Even if you’re shitting crying and shaking it will become more bearable. Yes you will have these days and again THATS OKAY!! Regressing is part of the process of healing just try your hardest not to dwell and stay active.

It took me almost a year or two to get over that bond I had with my ex, attachment as well. Even though the thought of him moving on still kinda makes me feel a way, but I’ve realized it’s more so I’m afraid of being left behind stuck in the same place while possibly he flourishes in life. There are differences in our situation so I can only speak so much, but a lot of what you’re going through emotionally wise I get it man.

Like rn it’s hard for me to be social and have relationships with people because I’m scared honestly lol. Even platonically. At this point, I’m just taking this time to get to know myself and pay more attention to my hobbies. I’m also trying to force myself to do more things alone and volunteer places like community gardens and pantries. I’m not even there to make connection with people. if I do, cool, but It’s more so exposure therapy for me lol.

You got this man. Always give yourself, patience, grace and kindness. That’s my mantra lately lol.

I know I’m just a stranger but I do care. I don’t ever want anyone to feel this way.

Stay well and busy chief 🫡

Not talking to him at all has been difficult and I haven't managed to do it except for one day so far. I've been going up and down so much and just cannot accept that it's over. I honestly don't know where to go from here. I never thought we would ever break up so it's fucking hard. I do worry if I dont give him space and stop messaging that I'm going to push him away tho. The only way to stop that from happening is to focus on me which I'm trying so so hard to do, but none of it seems worth it which I've said before. I feel stupid cause I've said all of this before and I can't stop going on a loop at this point.

I appreciate the message and I will try and keep it in mind. I know I'll move on eventually but right now it's not what i want. All I think about is mending it and being with him again but I think its hurting me more than I'd like to admit. No matter how many times people and family tell me I need to accept it I just can't. And I know it takes effort to focus on the good and time and space to make it happen but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I have no friends to hang out with to take my mind off it, no job to go to every day, and as much as I'd like to get a job I have struggled so hard with my anxiety it just seems impossible. Anyway thank you again I appreciate it♡♡

[estel-eruantien]

Hiiiiiiiiiiii I'm here for Crystal Force NSFW headcanons please? Can we just do the full alphabet. List 2, the Sexy ABCs please?

ABC List 2

CRYSTAL FORCE

Aspen/Abbie/Nick/Cherry/Nyx/ + Kenzie

A ─ After care.

This group is so good about taking care of each other. Nick, as their mentor, is very good about being both the firm hand (sometimes literally) and the gentle caregiver.

He and Kenzie both are quick to spearhead aftercare duties (Kenzie because she doesn’t participate in intercourse, but is all for some cuddles)

Aspen and Abbie are likely to stay curled up together for hours after sex, and oftentimes others join them, just laying together in silence.

Everyone in the polycule loves to cuddle!

B ─ Breeding.

I didn’t really think yes to this one until Mad suggested Cherry and Aspen and now FULL SEND it. They absolutely indulge in that kink when it’s just the two of them.

C ─ Condoms.

Yes, they especially use them with Abbie, even after they’re no longer rangers.

D ─ Dreams.

Cherry probably has the most wet dreams out of the crew, oftentimes jumping whoever was the target of her dreams (oftentimes Aspen or Nyx because because she enjoys domming them)

E ─ Experimenting.

They all like to experiment. Abbie, due to her abilities, takes things slower than the rest, but still enjoys trying new things. The whole group has such a unique dynamic that they have to try new things to suit everyone’s tastes.

F ─ First time.

Aspen wasn’t shy toward sex when his relationship began with everyone. He had sex with Nick first, and Cherry a close second.

G ─ Games.

I love the idea of Nick and Cherry playing a game to decide who’s more dominant. And I imagine Cherry is one to play fight and wrestle her partners.

They are all definitely interested in roleplay!

H ─ Humour.

Oh yeah, absolutely. The goofiest bunch

I ─ Infidelity.

No, these guys are so loyal to each other. They were all raised by rangers, they all know each other in a way no one else would. They will always support one another.

J ─ Jewellery.

Kinda like his Papa, Aspen likes the idea of collars and piercings.

K ─ Kissing.

Aspen loves kisses. Cherry kisses him all over, leaving lipstick stains across his skin. He loves Nick’s biting kisses. And he loooveess to kiss Nyx and Abbie softly, all over their faces and on top of their heads.

L ─ Lingerie.

Nyx and Aspen have some “matching sets” that Cherry picked out for them. Abbie also has a few. Nick doesn’t have any, but he appreciates that everyone else does.

M ─ Masturbation.

Aspen loves it when he’s ordered to masturbate in front of his partners. That’s the only time he really does it, and he is very open to toys.

N ─ Nudes.

Cherry and Abbie have a contest every once in awhile to see who get a reaction out of Nick first with the amount of nudes they share with him. It’s like a double win if he sends one back!

O ─ O’clock.

Normally in the evening as it’s a good way for them to wind down, but they are no stranger to the quickie when the need strikes.

P ─ Public.

Aspen and Nick have done a little, Cherry once or twice at a club or concert, but not much.

Q ─ Questions.

They are all great at communicating and value that as a priority in their relationship. There are no taboo themes, they are willing to talk about anything with each other.

R ─ Recording.

Hell yes! They go back and watch them together, sometimes as a way to tease them. “Look at how pathetic you sounded,”

S ─ Spanking.

Aspen likes it a bit, but only from Nick. None of them are really physical with one another like that.

T ─ Turn ons & offs.

Aspen is a brat as a submissive and a softy of a dom. He loves to rile up and tease Nick and Cherry, and in some ways for Abbie and Nyx as well. Aspen enjoys making Nyx blush.

None of them would do anything super gross, no potty stuff.

U ─ Unusual.

Aspen and Cherry went camping and had sex in the tent, which was pretty fun.

V ─ Video call.

Aspen definitely would if he had to be long distance with his partners.

W ─ Walk of shame.

Stealing from Mad on this one - Kenzie has definitely shown up at the wrong time many times. Aspen tried to make up for it with snacks and extra kisses at night.

X ─ X-rated.

Yeah, I think they might watch a little porn for inspo and whatnot.

Y ─ Yucky.

No potty stuff!

Z ─ Zones.

Aspen’s neck and sides are particularly sensitive and he loves having his hair played with. His partners can read him like a book, so they all know where he’s sensitive haha