#like call of deep was such a good episode it really resonated with me

[k233-0]

who am i without my powers?

[shortpplfedup]

Tomorrow's a big day for me so I of course woke up in the middle of the night in a spiral and can't get back to sleep, so I'm gonna try to get out some thoughts I've been having about chemistry and sexuality on screen, especially in the stuff I've been watching lately.

When I'm referring to sexuality here, I'm most often not referring to sexual identity, but to how characters experience sexual desire and respond sexually to each other, which is directly related to ideas of onscreen 'chemistry' as it's seen and judged by audiences. I see chemistry often conflated with heat levels by audiences as well, and I definitely think those are two separate things. This is a thing that's been coming up for me over and over again in the BL space as I find myself...let's say often not into the pairs that others are into, and more into pairs that others don't see as having chemistry. I'll also I guess come out here and say I've been on my own journey of discovery recently, realising I'm acespec, very likely demi, and alongside that (because as I've mentioned often both here and on @the-conversation-pod that I process my feelings through media) thinking about how I bring that lens I didn't even know I was looking through to my analysis of The Stories™️.

@absolutebl has written a lot about their 3 dimensions of good chemistry as physical, emotional and intellectual, and I've found that to be a useful frame. I tend to use 'vibes' a lot to describe what I feel in character interactions, because a vibe between people is such a specific and personal thing for me, and sometimes resists more objective and perhaps useful explanation. 'Vibes' also mirrors my own experience of sex, romance and attraction. To use ABL's frame: physical, emotional and intellectual dimensions of attraction/chemistry are just inseparable for me. And perhaps most importantly for the way I view sexuality on screen: physical attraction is driven for me by intellectual and/or emotional attraction, but never the other way around. In other words, I can see how being intrigued by a person or emotionally invested can make you horny for them, but horniness on its own, while fun to watch, is not really something I get.

Right, with all that preamble out of the way, here are some recent characters and pairs I've found myself really feeling the vibes on that I thought were maybe misunderstood.

Kawi, Be My Favourite

Even when Krist does the work to beat the 'bad actor' allegations it seems he can't catch a break...lol. Kawi is the character who finally compelled me to write this, because I think Krist was doing some great subtle work on emotional attraction and sexual discovery via emotion that got lost in a Disk Horse stampede based on a throwaway line from a secondary character. Kawi had to have feelings for Pisaeng, and then think about what that meant, in order to reach a place of sexual desire. And then that desire didn't look like desire is expected to look, and so its genuineness was questioned. Audiences don't generally see fondness and deep affection as 'sexy', or accept sexual desire as something one has to think about. But I truly appreciated seeing Kawi take this particular journey towards having sex with Pisaeng and having a clearly joyous experience once he got there. The chemistry these two have isn't 'hot' but it is very grounded and emotionally resonant and I found it very affecting to watch.

Cher, A Boss and A Babe

I mentioned on the pod when we talked about ABAAB last season that I very much enjoyed Cher's journey of sexual discovery from 'do I like this?' the first time he and Gun kiss progressing through 'I think I like this' and 'I definitely like this' and eventually to 'gimme dat body' when they have what I called 'married sex' near the end of the show. @bengiyo mentioned on this same episode liking that Cher has to try out physical intimacy with Gun multiple times to determine how he feels about it, and I agree. That's a very undiscussed paradigm, that sex is often not immediately enjoyable/desirable, and wanting to try again because you're still not really sure isn't a bad thing. Their big final sex scene is another scene that isn't 'hot', but there is a very specific and deliberate heat in Cher's eyes when he undresses Gun and looks at his body that sells the physical dimension of their chemistry.

Ray/Sand, Only Friends

I enjoy how grungy and unromantic the sex is on Only Friends because that's how a lot of casual sex actually is. These people are mostly getting their rocks off, not really falling in love or even connecting emotionally or intellectually...except for Sand and Ray. Sand is the kind of man who probably feeds stray cats, so he finds Ray intriguing despite knowing he's a disaster area. Ray is desperate to feel something other than the void inside himself, and he likes the way Sand spars with him. Neither of them is really horny for each other in the traditional sense, and the sex is almost rote in its progression but was definitely fire for the two of them regardless because of the intellectual stimulation driving it. Alas their minds can't fuck, so their bodies will have to suffice.

Basically, people wanting to inhale each other is definitely fun to watch, I'll grant that, but I like getting to explore different kinds of functional sexuality and chemistry on screen, and don't buy a lot of the 'no chemistry' reads.

[eggsploded]

moar you say.. why then gregor and rodya of coarse....

where would i be without rodigor. where would WE be, without rodigor.

first impression: THE fuckin guy. this dude owns. (insert 50 invasive questions about cockroach anatomy and behavior) i was peeved his roach arm resembled more of a beetle horn than a arm

current impression: when chef greg dropped i got so horny i went to bed lightheaded i still love gregor dearly but my love for him has mellowed like the fondness for a favorite pasta dish.

favorite moment: literally every old fart moment he has. when he forgets names when he berated sinclair for not cleaning his plate when he goes uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in his dialogue because he doesnt know where hes going with this

story idea: despite his deep frying and boiling during hells chicken i think the bus kinda Likes this guy. gregors a bit of a hot commodity. hes just a fella you can Jive with. a real Stand Up guy. now let him be loved, if obliviously through his own self consciousness. a friendly heathcliff rough slap on the back delays his depressive episode by 15 minutes

fav relationship: oh boy where to start!!!! rodigor. enough on that. meurgreg, not really romantic to me but i like the art of it that is. it revolves around a big fella carrying him under his arm so automatic slay. ive seen a little gregcliff action on the TL but its more of a 'work got me friends with people twice my age like whats uncle greg up to' ordeal to me. now lets get insane. gregsang is incredible to me because yi sang is the only mf on that bus EASIER than gregor. gregor got game? that hes aware of? while stuttering the whole journey? its kind of crazy. i dont actually have a reason why they would even like eachother yet but put rodya in there somewhere to toy with them if you want true crackshipping fun

fav headcanon: hes a little chunky

RODYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my favit

first impression: me furiously searching for her height on the wiki + nodding my head sagely deciding woman with sleepy eyes is peak character design (faust included). i trust her wholeheartedly even if she leads me hand in hand into a woodchipper

current impression: waiting for projmoon to drop more lore on her desperately because i know canto 2 wasnt everything. i feel a disconnect with the fanbase about her because i see rodya characterized sooooo differently than how i think of her. the gambling thing and her effortless confidence for example isnt really questioned like how it is with dons bravado. i see her gambling as an outlet for her complicated views on money. she feels as though being financially 'secure' as the lone survivor as a betrayal to all the deaths she caused. gambling not only aligns with her current im the hottest shit attitude but also is a way for her to not be responsible for money. the hoarding of wealth is what caused her community to starve, why would she want to do something that seems to harm others? shes very self destructive, and feigning as slots star is just one of the ways she forces herself to 'stay in the cold'. ummmmmmmmm anyway im really normal about rodya and think about her a normal amount also her love for decadant food really resonates with me as someone who was poor in childhood because the difference between eating to live and living to eat is Astronomical

favorite moment: shes started branching out and calling other people than greg pet names and it is so exciting. faust has now reached babe status!! good for her!!! also when she infantalizes sinclair its terrible for him but REALLY funny for me when he responds back and reminds her oh right this is a 22 year old man. also her random interjections that are socialist ideology are really funny because they always feel so fucking random and like projmoon is remembering why crime and punishment was written and going drop this bomb ass line itll go so hard guys

story idea: i want her to play poker against yi sang because hes weird and also his poker face is like. genuine and dear adoration for being able to play with his companions because deep in his soul is gardens and butterflies. she would be so freaked out not only because this guy agreed to playing poker but also because he is invasively (he didnt mean it) staring into her SOUL to find solutions

fav relationship: my thoughts are half the bus are in love with gregor and the other half with rodya with cases of overlap. rodya is so epic because shes seemingly got it together to the more deranged sinners but to anyone else its like oh my god this paper mache bitch the former being more faustish the latter being more ryoshuish. faustya is cute because faust initially wanted to absorb more Bad Bitch Strategems and then kinda got a crush and is hardcore malfunctioning also kurokumo ryodion got sumn GOING yall crazy love is love though

fav headcanon: shes actually really short for Lobotomy Corp Backstreets Russia and everyone there is just freakishly tall (see: sonya)

[fallenrocket]

Unhatched Observations: Shadow and Bone

It’s that time again—looking over some of my old posts about a story with Big Neurodivergent Energy and realizing how it resonated with me as an “unhatched” autistic ADHDer. We’re looking at Shadow and Bone today. This is an interesting case, because I wrote quite a bit about Shadow and Bone/the Grishaverse, but only my Favorite Characters post on Jesper really vibes on a neurodivergent level. It’s not that he’s the only ND character in the books or the series. Far from it! But until more recently, I wasn’t writing about characters like David or Wylan.

So I’m just looking at my unhatched observations about Jesper as an ADHD character. But even though I’m only revisiting one post today, I’m really struck by how much I write about my love for what are specifically ADHD traits. Even more interestingly, while I hit on the more “obvious” things like his energy and distractibility, I also talk in detail about his hyperfocus when he’s shooting, an ADHD trait that I’d never even heard of back when this post was written. Without knowing what any of this was, it still struck a deep chord with me.

Anyway, enough talk from Present-Day Me. Let’s roll the tape!

Favorite Characters: Jesper Fahey

The immediate air Jesper gives off is that of the charismatic troublemaker. He’s funny and personable, he enjoys provoking people, and he has enough of a gambling problem that he allows it to get in the way of the Crows’ illegitimate business dealings. […] Kaz and Inej are both more serious than he is and, at first blush, better at what they do. They’re the ones with their head in the game, while Jesper is the one Kaz admonishes to pay attention and not screw it up.

Which would be a perfectly entertaining character type all on its own. Every ragtag band of outsiders needs some good comic relief, and story-wise, it never hurts to have a wildcard who keeps things from going too smoothly. On both counts, Jesper fits the bill nicely. And if he was just those things, he’d probably still be my favorite character, because he’s just so much fun. But what I really appreciate about Jesper is that, in a particular respect, he’s also devastatingly hyper-competent. As he points out to Kaz, the chief “Jesper talent” is to “shoot things with style” (and to look good while doing it—oh, Jesper.) He has an ever-present pair of revolvers at his side, and when he lets loose with them, his precision and focus are just stunning. When Jesper’s sharpshooting skills are called upon, he transforms. Not that he loses his humor or panache, but this ability comes from somewhere deep within him, and whether he’s saving himself and his friends from literal death or simply causing an expertly timed distraction, he’s unmatched.

I love that. I love when largely comedic characters show a different side to themselves. […] It’s an important way to show why they shouldn’t be underestimated. There are a few displays of Jesper’s unparalleled marksmanship in the first two episodes of the season, but he gets a showcase scene in episode 3—one, by the way, that comes pretty quickly on the heels of a major “lovable screw-up” moment—that instantly shows just how much he’s capable of. It’s the scene in which my opinion of Jesper went from “okay, this guy is delightful” to “I just met my new platonic crush.”

[raayllum]

I: It’s really interesting to me that it’s Rayla who kicks off the gift giving and sets the tone for what’s important in a gift here, because I think sacrifice is a deep core part of Rayla’s entire character, and I think that you know, if you go back to her childhood, like she was told it was great and noble that her parents were leaving her behind, leaving her — their family behind, that was a big sacrifice they made for the good of everyone. You see her through seasons one through three like — just seems like any opportunity, she’ll be the one to make the big sacrifice. She’ll go out there to try and save the dragon, she’ll go and try and fight Viren and his army alone to protect everyone and so on. So the fact that once again she defaults to ‘I have to give up something painful to myself.’ She kinda is starting to see sacrifice as a noble good in and of itself, and then it’s the reality check from Rex Igneous, it’s like ‘What does this do for me? What are you talking about’? [Laughs] 

B: Yeah. It’s — I think you’re right, it’s super on brand for Rayla to go first. And it’s interesting to me to think about the denial of self as a form of sacrifice, and this is kind of what seems to be Moonshadow elf culture — at least Rayla’s upbringing. And so this sacrifice of self to the point of me is — like, denial of ego, denial of self, in order to serve others, right? In this case, the Dragonguard, right, for her parents, and you know, being an assassin, being willing to lose one’s life, the whole ritual of tying the ribbon that cuts off all your limbs situation, like that is a denial of self, that’s a sacrifice people are making for a cause. And so — it — I have problems. And so I’m [laughs] I — it’s hard for me to think about what that does to one’s psyche growing up in that environment. Like I’m just… I’m curious, what are y’all — how is that resonating with you? What are the thoughts that are streaming through, talking about this?

I: Many of them. I mean, all the way down to when Runaan believes he’s failed, his whole mantra is “I am already dead,” like it’s complete denial of self, and—

B: Absolutely. 

I: And I mean — I think, you know, and I don’t think the show completely sidesteps this, [sacrifice] is often powerful, it’s sometimes, maybe often, I dunno, noble, to be able to do that, to have the strength to put everyone else in front of you. I could talk for hours about the competing instincts of individualism versus you know, collective action, and being one part of a greater whole and so on. But I think you don’t do the — usually, you don’t do the greater whole any good by completely sacrificing yourself, and I do think that is often the lengths, like you said, a lot of the Moonshadow elf culture norms and mantras go to eventually is ‘You have to be willing to completely forget who you are’ and I think that kind of comes across in — I’m not gonna keep going because pretty much every other story kinda touches on this as well. 

B: Name a story and it happens, right, it’s everywhere. It’s so — I’m, the thing that came up for me as you were speaking was actually Callum in the previous episode. You know, Callum being like ‘You gotta kill me,’ and this is a really interesting form of this too, right, the denial of self for the greater good. I’m saying ‘Hey, I need you to do this for me and take me out, in order—‘ and Rayla — and it came up because Rayla’s like, ‘[laughs] No.’ And it’s one of those things where that’s really interesting to me too because when it is someone else that I care about, that sacrifice is seen as dumb. Right? But when it’s me, I’m like no this is noble, this is what I have to do, this is what I’m being called to do, I have to do this because this is the way I was raised, and so it’s this double-edged sword that is saying in you, you don’t have to sacrifice, no no no, but me, I do. And again, that kind of mentality is so true in our lives. I imagine people listening have definitely come across the people who are like, “No no no, don’t do that, I’ll clean up, I’m gonna do the whole thing, it’s all about — I’m gonna do this,” and it’s the sacrifice of their time, their energy, consistently, so that other people don’t have to and we’re constantly trying to comfort and make other people feel good. And again, I think to an extent, that’s beautiful, until it becomes problematic. And so I guess that’s the line I’m trying to identify and I’m curious, how do we find that line?

D: I don’t know how you find that line [all laugh]. But there’s probably no universal answer, but I think like, it’s interesting, for Rayla, she’s struggling with that exact thing, like where is the line, because she, herself, believes ‘I must continue to sacrifice, I must go off on my own to try and fight Viren, I must do all these things, but Callum, you don’t have to,’ and it’s sort of like, he’s a little bit exempt from her entire philosophy, because her philosophy in some ways exists to protect him. Like the whole reason she left between seasons was to quote, ‘keep him safe,’ but she really only ended up hurting him and herself by doing so, despite the fact that it suits this greater philosophy of quote ‘sacrifice—

B: And I think that’s what happens.

D: For some greater good.’ Yeah, it’s like, you do — if you blow yourself up to protect the people around you that care about you, like you’re hurting them too, right? Cause they care about you and they want you there and they want you to be a whole and functional and, you know, present person in their life. And so it’s an impossible question to wrangle of where exactly that line exists, of where do you stop giving pieces of yourself for that other person versus where you preserve yourself because you are the thing they care about in the first place? It’s — it’s really impossible, there’s no way to solve this, which is why we explore it in fiction.

B: Yeah exactly. 

I: Might be one starting point to solving it in the very least. 

D: No, there’s none, shut up. [All laugh]

—The Dragon Pod Interview with Devon Giehl and Iain Hendry, 4x08 “Rex Igneous”

[gemwolfz]

good morning chat (<- it's 12:30 pm) its time for a GEM FROG WATCHPOST (instead of putting it in the bg while i draw because ive accepted i cant draw and read at the same time)

btw my very legal straming site doesnt have episode descriptions and no way im remembering an episode thats been mentioned by number so i have no idea what im getting into. also im setting a timer to truly see how long my autistic ass can stretch a 15 minute episode. ok lets get started :)

okay first of all intro i havent seen yet lets GOOOO. PURURU SIGHTING IN THERE HEY GIRL!! i actually need to watch some eps with pururu in em btw. like hey show her to me. anyway good intro lots of guys spotted :)

^ CATEGORY 5 DORORO EVENT HI. experiencing the horrors as usual i see

i see so this is what we're doing today huh. do you intend to rip my heart out.

im sorry they have a fucking invasion planning chore wheel? thats really funny

OH IT'S THIS ONE HUH. THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING HUH (lovingly)

wcdonalds btw. sorry sorry wcdonalds cracks me up every time in any show

^^ his ass did NOT process what was just said!!!

he had it right the first several times cmon man.

hes taking this in stride huh. even in category 5 THE LORE situations the silly grind doesnt stop

why is zeroro resonance so fucking stupid btw. sorry man.

screenshot that speaks for itself man

somehow i dont think "my alien ninja partner is in serious trouble i need to leave immediately" will be counted as an excused absence by your teachers but after scaling a building in a single leap i dont think anybodys gonna question you. i love you koyuki

[this image set broke in the editor but it included keroro and tamama calling zeroro SO MEAN for not explaining his plan to them] frankly i respect keroros unwillingness to treat situations with the proper gravity because i do the same thing king

his ass does not care

he changed his mind something is terribly wrong

okay lets be real here the platoon would NOT have found him there. if he hadn't been able to contact koyuki he'd have been fucked. badly. something something being saved again by the person who showed you the warmth and beauty the planet has to offer

literally yeah the fate of the planet is held by natsumi being able to throw frogs like splat balls. pov youre giroro and the number one person standing between you guys and invasion is decidedly the girl who is constantly personally stopping you from blowing shit up. this is a personal attack

important and relevant but also im sorry "brat" is incredibly funny word choice coming from tamama

no reaction i can put into words. btw this episode is labelled as a filler episode. just so you know. i just think thats funny. haha so silly

aye.......................................... i would be using more reaction images but i have to prioritize screenshots. anyway god.

they were holding their fucking BREATH. his ass could have died!! badly!!! their deep sigh of relief is not as visible as i'd have hoped but you know. you feel me.

there are reactions i am making that are sound effects i cannot put into words sorry. im better at posting silly nonsense im sure you understand. hell, post horse staring at the ocean MAN again

he goes "i'm sorry about that, everyone!" as if it was fucking nothing. DUDE. This is why you caught that trauma-eating brain parasite because you just act like shit was NOTHING DUDE...

........yea...........................

NO EYECATCH OR ANYTHING? YOURE JUST GONNA TAKE US TO THE NEXT EPISODE? OKAY. OKAY THATS FINE. THAT'S FINE.

gem conclusion:

anyway i spent an hour watching this ten minute episode. sorry for maybe a weak reaction post i need to stir this episode in my head like a soup. thank you plates for your recommendation. join me in the rbs later as i may watch episode B and experience whatever tonal whiplash this episode came with

[tharizdun-03]

Call of the Night Watchthrough

#1: "Night Flight"

I really like the aesthetics here. They're very dreamlike, the first time he stepped outside I even assumed he was probably lucid dreaming lol.

If only real life looked like this.

#2: "Do You Do LINE?"

This show is really working for me narratively as well. It's mainly exploring the thematics of feeling unfulfilled with life, suddenly realizing that you're lacking a passion, and in a moment of breakthrough, wanting to hold on to that feeling, and that resonates with me strongly. 

I really like how the night is used metaphorically with this, how even in this story (or at least they say), feeling unfulfilled is the reason people can't fall asleep, and Kou finds his passion, wanting to fall in love, in the night.

I thought at first that maybe we'd be exploring asexuality with Kou, but it doesn't seem like that anymore, but I really like their dynamic regardless. And I love that he feels like a genuine introvert and not the fake, over-the-top version I hate that anime so often uses.

Again, the aesthetics during the night is just really magical to me. I just mentioned it earlier but it really did remind me of lucid dreaming or going out of body. I constantly find the environment to have a kind of deep blue, gold aesthetic to it in a similar fashion. It works.

#3: "A Lot Came Out"

This show is making me think about if you did let a vampire suck your blood pretty regularly, eventually you'd have too little left. You'd have to regularly fill your body up with more blood at the hospital? That's a hassle. Also, their teacher saying stuff like, get your body used to a healthy sleep schedule now while you still can, cause when you're an adult that's no longer possible, is sadly indicative of Japan's work culture.

#4: "Isn't This a Tight Squeeze?"

I love how this show keeps digging into the messy emotions the characters have in really interesting ways. I never expected the series to be this well-written, but it's not as straightforward as it might seem, and each episode has me reflecting on the characters' actions plenty.

#5: "Well, That's a Problem"

The characters being 14 is a bit young. 16 something would fit better, I think. I'll just ignore it, and it's not a big deal, but, well, just sharing my musings.

Also, I've never been out during night, cause I'm scared of getting mugged, but can't say this anime isn't making me want to try.

#6: "Might as Well Have Fun"

That was my favourite episode so far, I would say. I still think Nazuna might have some nefarious intentions mixed in. Did she really just tell Kou to do the massage cause she was lazy? And some of her teasings has a bit of a cruel streak to it.

Them going to a night pool and Kou not liking it is two-folded, I'd say. On the one hand, it's just sensory overload for the kid, but on the other hand, it shatters the illusuon. The night pool is too adult-like for the adolescent dream he wants to indulge in.

It's still a messy show tho, intentionally so. It could really go anywhere, I'm not sure what thematic end message it'll end up leaning towards, but I'll be here for it and enjoying the ride. 

And Kou realizing Shirakwa was just like him was a pretty powerful moment. Character interactions are charming as usual. Yeah, just good all around.

#7: "Reproduce"

I'm wondering if there are mostly just female vampires. Might just happen to be women that are involved in the story, but maybe there are deeper implications behind it with the whole sex and romance themes going on.

Also, I think just last episode I mentioned that Nazuna might have ulterior motives mixed in, and this episode had her vampire friends probing that exact question. Going off her reaction, not so sure, but it's a question that needed to be addressed.

#8: "All of Us"

'm really loving this show, I'm having a hard time thinking of another series that explores introversion in such a resonating manner. That theme fails so often for me.

The introduction of Mahiru, a guy Kou looks up to is funny, cause I remember, in junior high, there was this, and not even in a gay way, but gorgeous, gorgeous guy in my class, who was naturally good at everything ofc and super charming. And I think I was drawn to that.

As a certified introvert, I relate to the experience that while one may not want to fit in, in that manner, you tend to look up to the people that do, either way, cause fitting in, still comes with its benefits.

I just feel like a lot of shows that explore introverts, just have them scoff at everyone unlike them, and usually aren't smart enough to explore why that is, or other sides to it, so I appreciate this show doing so.

#9: "No Fair"

The interesting thing right now is that for Kou to achieve his goal of reveling in his introversion, away from normal society, he has to do something he's not comfortable with, something expected out of the extroverted society, fall in love.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I think the way this show explores introversion resonates with me stronger than anything else I've experienced. When it comes to this particular aspect, it's like it was written for me.

And again, this points back to what the very first episode set up. Which road will the story take? Will he have to conform to society's expectations by falling in love, or will he learn to accept his potential aero characteristics and live as such?

#10: "Enlarge the Peeping-Tom Photos"

A mostly comedy-oriented episode, but it still manages to tackle some complex emotions nonetheless with the whole everyone's ill theme. Another very good episode.

#11: "Do You Know What a Vampire Is?"

If this episode is anything to go by, I'm gonna like this series less when it focuses on the serious canon story parts, and it'll be more my thing when it's more vibes/slice of life. That said, still a good episode. Maybe the best directed one so far tbh.

#12: "My Mom's Out Tonight"

Hey, remember back during episode 1 when I speculated that maybe Kou was on the aeromantic spectrum somewhere? Well, we're picking up that inclination once again, hell yeah.

Maybe because you took the chair?‘

Anyway, that was a fantastic episode. I mentioned last week that I always get worried when SoL's (which let's face it, this show basically is) serious plot takes center stage, cause it often feels so divorced from what the story's been like before, but it's working here.

The reason it's working, (it took me this ep to realize) is because the serious aspects are just looking at the themes from different perspectives, necessary perspectives to deepen the thematics. This is great stuff, but it's centered around the same ideas it's always been about.

Ko embraces the night because it's out of the ordinary, but that does come with the negative aspects as well, and if he wants to embrace this, he has to embrace it all. And I think there were good questions brought up here, why does he want to become a vampire?

Every materialistic desire of yours stems from an internal lack. You want to lose weight because you're not happy with how your body looks, you want money because you want to feel stable, etc.

Maybe what Kou needs here isn't to become a vampire cause that'll give him what he wants, but to look into where that want stems from, and try to fix that instead. Eliminate whatever fear is the cause of it. Loving this show. (And Kou and Nazuna were adorable as usual too).

#13: "Call of the Night"

I really like how Call of the Night is never adamant about Ko going back to school. As if it was just as valid for him to be hanging out with Nazuna and becoming a vampire. That it's not wrong to live outside society's structures if that's what makes you happy.

It's very rare I feel for a show to make an almost kind of argument for that. Some people just won't ever be happy following the norms but will prefer the alternative, and that's okay.

[5hrignold]

lsp episodes ranked by how much they make me want to punch myself in the face out of how upset i am that i cant hug and hold her for 4 hours straight

bad timing is the big one. the entire premise of that episode is basically “what if lsp finally found someone who really likes her and she connects with but it was her fault she lost him” and i love it. it consumes my mind that she could’ve had it all right there. and i really think the cherry on top is the way at the end she begs for bonnie to erase her memory of the whole thing. literally who wouldn’t do the same thing. i would

be sweet is rlly good because it has sweet pea and Also because it addresses that yeah lsp is now on good terms with her parents and doing things for herself and doing well but she still isn’t happy. she still feels alone and disconnected from other people and she regrets choices she’s made that make her feel like she isn’t worth good things other people have. it matters a lot to me because that specific thing of hers pretty much is never brought up any other time ever except in this episode so it’s special. also the part near the end where she sings the little lullaby to sweet pea Aaaaaaa. ya! her soft voice is my fav thing eever 😊😊😊

slime central is another one where it kinda revolves around her self esteem being put into a blender on highest speed lol. her idea of perfect is skating with her friends and having a boyfriend Basically. and that just gets taken away with her, she’s rejected and called terrible and humiliated. and yet after that she’s still herself because like. she has to be. the 2 biggest moments in that ep is when she falls over and everyone in booing and she’s just laying on her back in the dark looking absolutely mortified and after they get kicked out where she’s crying about never fitting in

I KNOW loyalty to the king is not an lsp episode but what there IS of her is really good. just that one scene of her wanting to be whatever the nice king finds most convenient for him and straight up PUNCHING HERSELF to force her body to be smooth.. Its a lot. its a good chunk of her character summarised like yea that 30 second scene is literally her

the monster is super important because it’s the 2nd super lsp centric episode and it does a good job summarising what she goes through throughout the series. trouble in lumpy space is like a basic introduction of her life in the most neutral “nothing has happened yet” state and this episode shows what happens afterwards and how it makes her feel. she craves the feeling of being in control of her life but it’s either not getting that or upsetting her parents so that’s already like. she’s in a bit of an emotional corner. so she runs away and is met with nothing but what feels like just more punishment for just wanting to prove to herself that she can do things on her own. also this episode im PRESUMING is where she discovers her love and deep connection to animals!! which is absolutely one of my favourite aspects of her so fuckin awefomeee

the prince who wanted everything is really really good bc it’s an entire episode basically of her venting her feelings through her fionna and cake fanfic of her oc. it’s mostly reflective of her feelings towards finn, how he was the one who made her really realise her worth, but also stuff about how she prefers to do things that make her feel good and free in the moment, and how she views her parents, even if just internally. also people take the line about lumpy space prince only being able to date “someone who is so much like me she doesn’t even exist” as another like ohh classic self absorbed lsp Moment haha! but i really really like it bc it resonates with me lowkey . lol

princess day is another one that revolves around her guilt for acting the way she does and it being all she knows how to be. from the very start of the episode her mere presence is seen as an offense and an insult to everyone around eachother and so, having not much else to do in that position, she lashes out on breakfast princess. which AGAINNN again is very much a summary of her entire character. people hate her no matter what so she resorts to doing all she knows - being loud and assertive to make people respect her at the very least. this episode is also super special bc it shows us the exact moment her and marcy meet !!! in my mind she’s kinda the first to person to really listen to what lsp has to say, and her troubles and stuff, and she genuinely enjoys her company and lsp is absolutely flattered by how fondly marcy treats her and frankly never stopped being super cautious of it for a while until she Knew she really likes her

summer showers is kind of a blur to me but it is super good. i really like viola and her dynamic with lsp in this episode is cute. we get a whole scene where lsp just ends up venting to viola pretty much completely on accident while trying to tell her how to get the raindrops just perfectly right, because everything in the play has to be top tier since it’s very important to her. this episode gives another peek into how much of a little nerd lsp is which NO ONE talks about. she loves writing, she loves acting things out and being super dramatic and getting really into playing characters, she gets invested in silly things, she’s like best friends with turtle princess for crying out loud. she is cringe!!!!! and it’s adorable and wonderful of her!!!

i talked about trouble in lumpy space before so continuing. i do like that basically her first act in the show is screwing something up completely on accident without her being able to control it (her ability to float suddenly disappearing and that resulting in her biting finn). it’s really really good lol. i love this episode so dearly for 2 huge reasons ; it’s the most we see of early seasons lsp, and it establishes what her life was like before she started being more independent. the people she knew, where she went and how her people view her, her relationship with her parents and her friends and stuff. i feel like without all the stuff we learn about lumpy space in this episode there’d be WAY less to lsp. im just extremely grateful for it because the damn place pretty much never appears again in the entire series apart from the happy place thing in elements and lsp’s scene in the come along with me ending sequence

the creeps, again, not at all An Lsp Episode, BUT it does have a scene that reveals some stuff about her that’s important, which is her inability to really commit to relationships without being afraid. she objects to talking about why she broke up with brad at first but while finn is talking to bonnie she just completely falls apart to the pressure (which is absolutely nothing) and breaks out rambling about how much she regrets it and how she thought all you needed to do to be a good girlfriend was to look pretty. which lfhfhfbfdbdbfbfbfbbfbf. my Girl…………….my poor girl

i dont really have anything to say about from bad to worse lol. she’s cute in it! the way she snatches the instructions immediately and pouts at everyone while doing so and the way she shoves everyone aside talking about how she should go first… So good. also she looks so fucking good with wings can we talk ab that maybe some time

gotcha is like Maybe perhaps my favourite out of all of these. and it’s probably because while a lot of these make me sad with the stuff they all imply about lsp and her insecurities, this one makes me SO happy. how she is at the beginning, how confident she is waltzing toward the treehouse talking about how finn won’t be able to resist her because of how beautiful she is, the way she makes the treehouse cozy for herself without anyone’s permission, her friendship with turtle princess sprinkled throughout the episode, the part with finn tucking her in, THE WHOLE PART WITH HIM SAVING HER SND THEN TELLING HER SHE DOESNT NEED TO BE PRETTY PHYSICALLY FOR PEOPLE TO LOVE HER. AHHHHHH . Good Episode. GOOD. Episode.

sorry for the tone change but as for those last three episodes i really dont have much to say like at all. absolutely all she is in them is a device used for a joke. WHICH IM FINE WITH. ADVENTURE TIME IS A KIDS SHOW AND AN OFTEN LIGHTHEARTED ONE AT THAT I DONT CARE. sorry this description really makes it seem like i dislike how she is in these eps. idk if you could tell but i fucking love lsp always. she could do the most heinous things and id defend her and adore her for it always. she has never done a single thing i dislike NOT an exagggerarion. at all. /srs there ill even say that if it makes you believe just how much i love her. space girl help me

[staringdownabarrel]

One of the things I really liked about Picard's second season was the storyline about Picard's mother having a mental illness.

Part of this is just because of my own experiences with mental illness in my own family. This isn't something I enjoy talking about and this is probably going to be one of the very few times I ever talk about on here, so don't take this as permission to message me about this. It isn't.

My mother is also mentally ill. When I was young, she had multiple schizophrenic episodes that often required her to stay in a psychiatric ward. A lot of this was because they hadn't yet found a medication that would work for her. They've since done this and it is working for now--the last time she was in that hospital was in 2015, and the time before that, 2001. So my experiences with mental illness in the family hasn't been as dramatic as some other people's have been, but they still happened.

But for a long time, it wouldn't be unusual for her to be hospitalised a few times a year. When you're a young child, this is a very confusing thing and you don't have the life experience or the vocabulary to fully process what's happening. Years later when you do understand it, it's a difficult thing to talk about because very few people outside of your immediate family will fully grasp your experiences. Even inside the family, it can often lead to recriminations about one family member having a better relationship or another not being around for this episode or whatever, so it's often something that's just never spoken about.

So on a deep intuitive level, this storyline resonated with me. That Picard still struggles with processing these experiences decades later makes a lot of sense to me, because that's been my experience as well.

I think it also helps to explain why he's such a private person later on when he's commanding the Enterprise. When this kind of thing is a part of your early life experience, especially in such a dramatic fashion, there can be a fear that anyone else you let get close to you will leave you in that dramatic way as well. There's also the fear that your own perspective on life is so different, so heavily tinted by these experiences, that the gap between you and another person is unbridgeable.

It also explains why he allows Troi to have a position on the bridge, even though every other captain introduced in the series so far hasn't had a counselor on the bridge. Someone who's had these experiences early on that end in suicide really would realise that sometimes you don't notice these things until it's too late, especially if you aren't trained to see the signs.

While this is likely just me reading too much into things, I think it does broadly fit with how Picard has traditionally been portrayed. It made sense that he was like that naturally of course, but having it be a result of some level of childhood trauma makes sense as well.

The other reason I liked this plotline is because I think it is a good concept in general. When you have a society like the Federation where a person has strong legal protections for their individual liberties, at what point can the state intervene in your private life?

In real life, a person is often only forcibly sectioned if they can be proven to be a danger to themselves or the people around them. This is why there's that ongoing issue with therapy averse people in general forcing every new friend they make to be their unpaid therapist. Most of the time, you can't actually prove they're an imminent threat to themselves, so even if you do call in a welfare check on them, they often won't be carted off to the hospital afterwards.

This even applies in some very extreme situations at times. It's why someone like Gail Chord Schuler, who demonstrably needs psychiatric help, to start taking her medication, and maybe stay off the internet for a little while can go around doing whatever it is she's up to now instead. While mentally unwell, she's also not really a threat to anyone, so the state can't force her to get help.

Of course, in real life, part of the problem is that a lot of health services in general, and mental health services in particular, are wildly underfunded, and there's often a cost barrier for people. In the Federation, this wouldn't be an issue. They're so keen on people being able to receive medical help that they'll give it to people openly rebelling against a close ally (TNG: The Mind's Eye). Money is a foreign concept for a lot of its citizens. There's no way they wouldn't have the resources to provide help for Yvette Picard if she wanted it.

The only thing preventing it form happening is that Yvette doesn't want it. A government like the Federation wouldn't want to force it on her, and probably legally couldn't. What would happen as a result is that in the utopian Federation, someone could just refuse help because they don't want it.

Something like that is an interesting look at the limits of Federation utopia. In a lot of ways, it's a much more interesting look at it than the "What if there was a major war and they had to decide whether or not to do this otherwise unthinkable thing?" angle that the franchise usually approaches this issue from. Instead of it being a limit that's brought on by the onset of a once-in-a-century level major war, it's the kind of small scale limit that would affect the average citizen on a personal level.

To me, that's a much more interesting look at the limits. In extreme situations, there'll always be extreme reactions, but mental illness is a common enough thing that it happens all the time. It's the kind of story that I think Star Trek as a whole is conceptually well suited for.

That isn't to say there aren't issues with this storyline, but I don't think they're any worse than any of Star Trek's previous issues with portraying mental health issues on screen. A lot of the issues also tie into Picard's overall pacing issue, which is something that's been an ongoing issue for the Kurtzman era in general.

[sevilemar]

Hi Sevi 👋 I'm just popping in to say I'm watching The Mentalist and it's such a snake media, but not in a good way haha, I think it could actually trigger a lot of loyalists because a lot of the bad guys hurt their own people, sometimes for somebody else's sake, but most of the times it's greed, ambition, money, etc. Also, just a thought but have you ever considered a strange type of bird primary for Patrick? Maybe it's just a part of built system that snakes can have, but he does have it. There's his deduction system that people act this x way and it shows this x. But there's also a type of 'killers act this way, liars act this way and then bcs of morality has to get this punishment' system. He also has this bits and pieces of information to explain the world and people. In second season he asks a man was it worth to off his wife's killer, and you sence that he would drop all of his revenge if the man would have said no. The only thing is, I think Patrick doesn't change or update his systems, if he's wrong he brushes it off with his secondary and he's fine. I guess it was a long time since you saw the series, but I'm just throwing this in. Idk what do you think?

I think we have seen very different tv shows. Which is fine, everyone comes at things from a different perspective. But if I'm sure of anything, I'm sure that Patrick Jane is a double snake. When he asks the man if taking revenge for his wife was worth it, I see it as idle curiosity. Something along the lines of 'I don't really care what my life is gonna be like then, but here's an opportunity to get some insight, why not use it?'

As for what you call his deduction system, it's what happens when a snake sec hones one of their talents, gets a shit ton of experience, and then verbalises what they're doing for other people. The same way I can write a post about different personalities typically found in a group I'm teaching, Patrick Jane can tell you exactly why that person is lying, or that person is afraid of another, etc. It's not part of a primary, because it's all about the 'how', and not about the 'why' at all.

I'm not sure what Patrick's stance on punishment actually is, but I don't think morality plays into it. At least not morality in the sense of 'you violated the rules of society which means you must get punished for it'. His revenge is much more savage, much more personal, much more snake-coloured: 'You hurt me so I'm gonna destroy you. It is my right because you killed my persons'. And I resonate with it on a level I don't usually acknowledge. Underneath all the knowledge that reality cannot work like this, I feel a deep satisfaction that it does for him. Because he is right. He did the right thing, and it is right that the show lets him get away with it. That's why 'The Mentalist' is, at heart, a snake primary show.

In general, I don't think he cares if another criminal goes free. You can see that clearly in the episode where he looses his memory. He only learns to think different because of Lisbon. Which is another indicator for snake primary. We change our 'system', our 'morality' for our people. Not because of facts or information, but because our people give us these facts and information.

And that episode, and also everything after he actually gets Red John, shows us that he does, indeed, change his system. For Lisbon, and only for her. I don't want to spoil the end too much if you haven't seen it yet, but there is a scene where he asks Lisbon to run away with him, just the two, and he means it. He doesn't need anything or anyone else but her, and that's pure snake, primary and secondary.

[fizzingwizard]

ep 5

WOW now THAT is an episode.

Can't even pull thoughts together, just gotta gush about it.

To start with, Madeleine's back... I'm floored. And she's been having a thing with Scott! Just when I was thinking this show had chosen something fresh with a Magneto/Rogue/Gambit love triangle instead of a Scott/Jean/Logan one, Jean kisses Logan, Scott kisses Madeleine... Somehow despite being an X-face for many years, I'm still dumb xP

Jean was definitely not really fair to Scott given that she also killed Logan. But honestly I have no doubt Scott would have reacted the same way if he'd found out about her and Logan first. They're both messed up and vulnerable right now, so they're bound to hurt each other and themselves. It's at least not boring, as far as love triangles go. (Or love quadrangle in this case, I suppose)

(psst jamie what are you doing)

Of course I was excited to finally meet Nightcrawler! "MY-NUH FROYN-DUH!" hey its much better than evo!kurt's "men frund." BUT WHY IS HE SO SOPRANO he sounds like he bamfed himself in the balls in his excitement

But he's got great advice! "Just marry the belle and be done!" seriously remy listen! and "there is no love without sin, for love is best measured in what we forgive" STOP who is writing this and hitting so hard!! and Gambit's little smile after... kill me I cannot cope

what an impish face.

yeah pretty happy with this Nightcrawler even though he gets head pats for stealing apples? I mean I guess that's a plus honestly

"loving you makes broken men whole, so that even as you deny us, our heartache is not in vain" MAGNETO who are you fricking shakespeare??? how is rogue going to survive

Then Rogue just tosses out "my evil mother" so matter of fact lol

I don't... quite... understand why Rogue needs to be involved romantically with Magneto in order to be his queen or whatever. Aren't we progressive? Can't she be his vice president or something, no sex involved... lol. But I appreciate that 1) the dance seen was so lovely and 2) she picks Remy. He doesn't know it, but she did. Idk seemed like a lot of the posts on Tumblr at the time were just upset that she ever thought about Magneto at all while praising Gambit for caring more than "skin deep." I think it's pretty obvious in this episode that wanting to ~get physical~ was not the one and only thing on Rogue's mind, she was also trying to think about the so-called "greater good." And even then she still picked Remy in the end. She's allowed to love or not love who she wants. You can feel bad for Remy and you can think she made the wrong choice or whatever, but simply being unsure for a while doesn't make her a ho, geez.

Kurt's teleporting during the battle was great. too many fingers on his hands tho :P Also Magneto whipping sentinels with the train was AWESOME.

I knew what was coming for Gambit... It was so great, the whole battle was really well done. I'm just shocked Gambit didn't get to do more in previous episodes leading up to his sacrifice. I wish there was... Despite that, it still resonated. Rogue's "I can't feel you!" is so heart-breaking, for real.

[palajae]

episode one. | lee heeseung

PAIRING ▸ host!heeseung x reader

GENRE ▸ ouran high school host club!au, high school! au, romance, fluff, angst, humor,

WC ▸ 3.6k

SUMMARY ▸ host lee heeseung: the prince charming type. prepare your heart for the shameless flirting by the one and only president of the en-host club. note: also the most popular and requested host, so be sure to spend your time together wisely!

AKA episode one of the kiss, kiss, fall in love! series

AN/NOTES ▸ mentions of bullying?? food, idk not proofread

AAAAAA i am so excited to be releasing the first part of this ouran high school host club inspired series!! it was so much fun to write and i think enha + ohshc just work so well together :) i love the anime so if you haven’t watched it i really really recommend it! anyways, happy reading <3

EPISODE 1. Starting Today, You are The Chosen One! 

seriously, was there not a single quiet place to study in the largest—not to forget richest—school in the country? 

as you strolled down the long hallways, one specific room stands out. music room #3. 

you look around, finding no one in sight. it didn’t hurt to try. nothing better than a hopefully empty music room, right? 

you unassumingly push past the doors, expecting an empty space. what you certainly didn’t expect was to be greeted by a flash of light and a pleasant breeze—what in the world? 

you squint. where did it come from?

perhaps the group of seven dazzling boys standing rather intimidatingly before you. 

“welcome!”all their voices chime in unison. 

you take a second to rub your eyes. not because of their devishly good looks or anything, but because of the stupidly bright lights. 

“who are-?” 

you then visibly deflate. “oh. you guys.” 

one of them looks almost offended as they eye you, “what is that supposed to mean?”

you flick a random flower petal off your shoulder as you huff, “nothing. i just have other ways to spend my time rather than squander it here at the en-host club..”

the host sitting in the middle regards you with a mysterious stare. you try not to shift uncomfortably at his gaze, but even you weren’t completely resistant to his admittedly handsome looks. 

the one next to him, looking particularly cold and sharp, speaks up. “and how would you know if you haven’t spent a day with us? if i’m correct, you are an unfamiliar face to this club.” 

“yeah, and i’d like to keep it that way,” you respond dryly. your backpack feels almost as heavy as a boulder, like it was waiting for you to find a place to drop it and settle down. 

at this point, you realize most of the so called hosts have lost interest and gone to entertain their guests, which you’re more than fine with. 

“all i’m asking for is just one quiet place to study at this gigantic school,” you mumble off to yourself. unbeknownst to you, only one person remains. the one who hasn’t taken his gaze off you. 

it was a bit intimidating, you had to admit. 

“i know a place,” he finally speaks up and you almost jump. 

“huh?” you find it hard—almost impossible—to look into his eyes. he looked you straight in the eye, never breaking eye contact. 

plus, he was too good looking for his own good. you were almost annoyed. to be rich and handsome was just unfair. 

he suddenly smirks, placing a hand on his chest, “there’s a place for you in my heart, if you want.” 

“okay, that’s it.” 

you turn on your heels and start towards the exit, but his hand reaches out to snatch your wrist and pull you back. 

you stumble, almost into his arms. 

you glance at him with wide eyes. again, his deep gaze causes you to freeze, your pupils dilated. 

“i was joking.” 

“sure.” you clear your throat and take a step back, collecting your bearings while attempting to appear unaffected. 

he chuckles, and the low sound resonates in your ears. 

“i’m heeseung, but you can call me yours. pleasure to meet you.” 

he bows while extending a hand, which you stare speechlessly at. 

“no thanks. i wish i could say the pleasure is all mine, but it’s really not,” you shrug. “if you’re not here to tell me where i can study in peace, then i’ll be going. not sure how you’d know since i’ve never seen you guys study but…” you trail off. 

“if i tell you, will you come back?” 

it catches you off guard— his gaze. you don’t like them. his eyes. besides the fact that they were too pretty, there was something behind them you couldn’t discern. 

“am i supposed to say yes?” you cock an eyebrow momentarily, “do you want me to say yes?”

this time, he laughs and you watch his nose crinkle in amusement. 

“cute.” 

you look away, at a loss for words. 

“here.” 

“w-what?” 

“we have a spare room connected to this music room, but none of us have any use for it. you can use it to study, whenever you want.” 

he guides you away to a totally inconspicuous door, and you wonder if you’re falling into a trap. your hand subconsciously finds its way to your backpack pocket. it’s not like a sharpened pencil would do much, but at least it was something?

however, when he pushes past the door, your mouth almost drops open. 

it’s a spacious room, considering it was a spare connected to the main music room. you could tell it was quite soundproof as well, the sounds of girls giggling and chatter fading away. 

“how….” 

heeseung chuckles.

“it’s nice, i know. only our host club knows about it.”

“what?” you look up at him, puzzled. “then why would you-?”

“heeseung! are you gonna keep flirting with y/n or are you gonna do your job as president?” a voice echoes from outside. 

his demeanor quickly switches back to “host” mode. 

“of course. have fun studying. i’ll be seeing you around… y/n?”

he winks before heading off. you stand there momentarily, stunned. 

first off, how did they know your name? 

and more importantly, was that a threat or promise? 

besides the occasional talk to your classmates, you couldn’t really say you had many friends. 

it wasn’t a choice or an option considering the only reason you were at this school was due to them giving you one of the only merit-based scholarshipa they offered. so either you work your butt off studying or essentially, pack your bags and do the walk of shame out of the most prestigious school. 

you weren’t stupid. you knew you had to capitalize on this chance.  

the chair slides out with a screech next to you. 

“you’re telling me heeseung, the president of the en-host club, flirted with you voluntarily?”

and perhaps there was another reason for socializing only “occasionally.” 

your eye twitches. 

“i didn’t know it was that big of a deal…” 

“no,” natty pauses, “heeseung flirts with practically everyone. but for him to approach you first without any request or affiliation beforehand? that’s strange. i didn’t know he even knew of your existence.”

you want to roll your eyes, but she was right. how—and why—did he even care? 

up until yesterday, heeseung was a stranger to you. he was a name whispered by the wind passing by (and his countless fan girls). 

you didn’t know he was that popular. after that eventful day, accidentally entering and meeting the en-host club, your perspective began to shift. 

to heeseung’s credit, you actually were productive and got some studying done in the spare room. the only anxiety-inducing part was refusing to leave the place and holding your bladder in fear of awkward encounters with said man again. 

you saw how popular he was, receiving countless private and public confessions. he was handsome, kind, and not to forget—a huge tease. 

in the halls, at the dining hall, in classes, you soon found out lee heeseung was everywhere. 

gosh you thought your eyes would get permanently stuck to the back of your head from the amount of times you rolled your eyes at his antics. 

if you heard him call another girl darling you would actually throw up. 

even worse, he wouldn’t leave you alone either. you avoided him during school but came to music room #3 during study halls and breaks. 

you told yourself it was only to be productive. it had nothing to do with heeseung and what he said. 

you huff and brush the thought off, quietly and carefully opening the doors to the room.

“you’re back?”

at this point, you were starting to get used to it, used to him. the other hosts were too, barely sparing a glance for you. 

“don’t get too comfortable. i’m simply taking advantage of our school’s resources and your offer.” 

“oh?” he takes a step closer and you fight the urge to take one back. 

“who said my offer was for free? nothing in this world is free. except for my time and affection, if you want.” 

you scowl and he grins. “only a joke, my dear.” 

“yeah, and i’m totally in love with you,” you respond sarcastically. you expect heeseung to reply with some flirty remark and lead you to the room so he could return back to his host duties. 

instead, he simply stands there. once more you can’t read his expression. 

“hello? mr. president?” you wave a hand in front of his eyes. 

heeseung suddenly whips his head away from you, covering his face with a hand. you attempt to face him but he turns away.

“are… are you blushing?”

at that, the whole room quiets. 

“no way, prez’s ears are red.” 

“i’ve never seen heeseung that shy before…”

“what did they do to him?”

he places his hands on his hips in an act of composure. “seriously y/n, you’re gonna be the death of me.” 

“you’re actually being serious right now,” you deadpan, wanting to slap a hand over your face. 

“do you need help studying? i’ll come to check up on you soon. maybe we can-“

“no thanks,” you call out, already turning to head to the room. 

what you both don’t notice are the unconscious smiles on both of your faces as you walk away. 

you were getting a little too used to seeing heeseung these days. you didn’t want to rely too much on using the en-host club’s spare room, especially after what heeseung said. 

you shiver, god’s favorites like him were scary. 

but you often found yourself expecting him unconsciously. he was always the first one to approach you or make a move. and even though you flat out rejected him every time, you began to look forward to every meeting, every conversation and time spent together. 

leaving class one day, you’re stopped by a devilish smile. 

“can i help you..?”

the host crosses his arms.

“heeseung’s different around you.” 

“excuse me?” you narrow your eyes. 

jake shrugs, “he’s never been like this around any girl at the club.” 

“what’s like this supposed to mean?” you scrunch your nose. sometimes you forgot what it was like having another en-host club member in your class. 

“you’re like the chosen one.”

“i don’t like the sound of that.” 

he gives you a look, one you only shrug at. 

“doesn’t matter, see ya at the club later. or not. only heeseung would care.” 

you heave a deep sigh. 

i mean, jake wasn’t entirely wrong. you weren’t dumb either. you noticed how attentive he was.

but then again, it was lee heeseung.

opening water bottles for you, saving you your favorite snacks at the club (and it was always the most delicious ones), sending you encouraging notes and gifts as you did your work peacefully—that was just his charm. that was just his prince charming agenda the whole club pushed. 

right? 

[2:48 p.m.] unknown: you aren’t coming today 

[2:48 p.m.] unknown: ?

[2:53 p.m.] you: who is this

[2:54 p.m.] unknown: your one and only obviously 

[2:55 p.m.] you: ha ha ha 

[2:55 p.m.] you: i’m one click away from blocking you 

[2:56 p.m.] unknown: wait no it’s heeseung

[2:57 p.m.] you: ? 

[2:57 p.m.] unknown: fr  

[image attached.]

[2:59 p.m.] you: i believe you.. you didn’t have to send a whole selfie lol 

[2:59 p.m.] heeseung: hey those sell for expensive you know 

[3:00 p.m.] heeseung: you should be grateful 

[3:01 p.m.] heeseung: hello

[3:01 p.m.] heeseung: y/n?

[3:01 p.m.] heeseung: okay okay i didn’t mean it 

[3:02 p.m.] heeseung: HELLO 

[3:03 p.m.] heeseung: is the airhead here and present 

[3:05 p.m.] you: aw heeseung you should be a little more nice to yourself 

[3:06 p.m.] heeseung: :,(

[3:06 p.m.] heeseung: </3 

[3:10 p.m.] you: i have tutoring 

[3:10 p.m.] you: and i’ll give your jacket back next time

[3:11 p.m.] you: sorry 

[3:12 p.m.] heeseung: no don’t apologize 

[3:12 p.m.] heeseung: there’s no rush to return it :) 

[3:13 p.m.] you: i wasn’t even that cold.. you didn’t have to give it to me

[3:14 p.m.] you: plus i’d rather not have a bounty on me for not returning like a thousand dollar jacket 

[3:16 p.m.] heeseung: it’s two thousand

[3:15 p.m.] you: right yeah so i gotta go 

[3:15 p.m.] you: wait aren’t you supposed to be hosting? 

[3:16 p.m.] heeseung: maybe.. 

you have to stifle a smile at the absurdity of the situation. you could only imagine heeseung furiously typing away on his phone, ignoring his duties. 

recently, he had been visiting (bothering) you a lot when you came to use the spare room. and you were starting to feel bad for taking his seemingly precious time away from the others. 

the next day, you decide to confront him. maybe you were simply curious. maybe the rumors and whispers surrounding you and him were getting to you a little. 

just a little. 

“welcome back, my-“

“hello to you too,”you snort. now you simply head straight for the room, ignoring the envious stares as heeseung trails behind you like a lost puppy. 

“i missed you yesterday.”

“i’m sure there were plenty of girls to keep you company,” you retort while pulling out your papers. 

“is that jealousy i hear?” he sits down next to you, eyes sparkling in amusement. one hand of his supports his cheek as he watches you fondly. 

you try your best to keep cool, but the room starts to feel a little hot.

“y-you wish.” 

he smiles while reaches over to tousle your hair, and you feel your heart pound in your chest. it was uncomfortable, so you cough. 

“how did you get my number?” you ask in hopes of distracting him from noticing your flustered state. 

“i maybe have pulled a few strings. i’m not the president for no reason, ya know,” he winks. 

“so you asked jake.”

he laughs hastily, avoiding eye contact and mumbling. 

this side of heeseung was the one that fascinated you the most. 

silence follows as you begin to start your homework, but a million other things that certainly weren’t about homework run through your mind.  

at some point, with heeseung being too cozy next to you, you can’t stand it anymore. 

“heeseung?”

“hm?”

“why do you,” you swallow, “why do you keep following me? like, hanging around me instead of your clubmates and guests? i don’t really have anything to offer you.”

he looks surprised, taking a minute to respond. 

when he looks at you again, your next words die on your tongue. that was simply the heeseung effect. 

“that’s exactly why. you don’t offer me anything and don’t expect anything in return. i don’t have to always be the good host, responsible president, or future ceo in front of you. i can enjoy this time with you. i like spending time with you.”

you’re shocked, to say the least. you never knew he felt that way. before you can respond, you heard a harsh knocking on the door. 

then it swings open. you jump as it slams against the wall. 

the vice president—jay, you believe—stands there with his arms crossed. there’s a tick in his forehead as he begins to speak. 

“heeseung! what do you think you’re doing?”

you watch, stunned as a frown appears on heeseung’s face. 

“am i not allowed to be in here?”

“you’re not allowed to neglect your duties! you can’t keep doing this as our president and most popular host—guests are expecting you. lately, many have been complaining about your absences and our reputation is going down. are you going to keep letting the club down because of them? a mere commoner-“

heeseung stands up, “jay, don’t you-“

suddenly, you stand up. the two boys fall silent at your move. 

“maybe i should go,” you bite your lip as you see heeseung’s face flash with hurt, “i apologize for taking up heeseung’s time and occupying your spare room. i hope you can forgive me.”

you bow to jay and quickly gather your stuff to take your leave, ignoring heeseung’s calls after you.

you took time to think about it, and jay was right. it was weird for heeseung to waste his time with you. he wasn’t getting anything out of it. he was neglecting his duty and tarnishing his and his friends reputation’s. you were the distraction. you were the issue.

the whole “chosen one” crap meant nothing. 

you were fine with removing yourself from the equation. after all, you never fit in the first place. 

your back hurts. it’s been about an hour since you noticed your books missing, only to find them dumped into the water fountain. 

you don’t have to be a genius to guess who did it. you curse those dumb, jealous heeseung fan girls. can’t you just have one day of peace? 

so far, you’ve already found most of your books and homework. they lay off to the side in your feeble attempt to dry them off. 

now, where was your wallet? sleeves and pants rolled up, you continue your search in the shallow water. 

“is this what you’re looking for?”

you almost jump at the scarily familiar voice. 

a similar sight greets you—heeseung stands a few feet away from you in the water, ridiculously expensive pants rolled up to his knees. 

he holds up a flimsy thin wallet. yours that you had been using well for the last six years since you weren’t able to buy a new one.

your mouth drops open, “thank goodness. that was my lunch money for the next week.” one of the nicer students would occasionally give you their extra lunch, but you hated depending and taking from them, you hated feeling like you were being pitied. suddenly, you feel like someone’s watching you. you glance around, but there’s no one. your stomach churns as you frown. 

heeseung insists on helping you dry off your stuff. it’s the first time you’ve seen him look anything but happy. 

“who did this to you?”

you shrug. that uncomfortable feeling of being watched still lingers in your stomach. 

heeseung crosses his arms, face grim. “this is unacceptable. i’m going to the headmaster to report-“

“no. please,” you plead quietly. “i’m fine as long as i have my stuff. you can go.”

he shakes his head insistently. “of course it’s not! why would anyone-“

“i’m serious, heeseung. if you really want to help, you’ll leave me alone. for your own sake and mine.”

you press your lips together, you don’t even believe your own words as you gather your stuff and walk off. 

after about a week, you begin to seriously contemplate things. everything has gone back to normal. from what you hear, the host club is back to normal and running fine. 

you’re finding obscure, inefficient places to study and work alone now. totally back to normal. 

yet you didn’t feel normal. why was there a tiny little voice in your head still bothering you? 

it felt wrong, almost disappointing when you didn’t see him around school anymore. you hated how your eyes automatically scanned every room you entered for the host. waiting. hoping. 

you hated to admit it, but you wondered why heeseung never came to talk to you. you wondered if he cared—if he ever cared like you somehow grew to care for him. 

maybe… maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him again? closure or something of the sort?

however, fear and insecurity exist. especially in your position, you had everything to lose. you figure he probably wanted nothing to do with you, was probably too busy and preoccupied anyway. 

it’s not until jake approaches you one lunch period that you begin to realize your assumptions may be entirely wrong. 

you eye him warily, gripping your fork. 

“what do you want?”

“how is heeseung so down bad for you?”

your heart quickens at the mention of heeseung. 

you shoot jake a confused look and he sighs.

“look, i didn’t mention this to anyone else, but why have you stopped coming? did heeseung do something? with you gone, he’s been unhappy, quiet, and overworked recently so i figured something was up.”

you look down, voice quiet, “i didn’t know it was like that. i’ve, uh, been busy recently,” you finish lamely. 

so that’s how he’s been. 

jake looks at you skeptically, but you wave him off. 

“thanks for bringing it up. i just need to sort some things out first.”

you get up to gather your belongings and your bearings, but you falter at the sound of jake’s voice. 

“i hope you know—well, i think you do—that heeseung is a good person. he can be a bit much, but he always does stuff for others with his best intentions in mind. a little too much, that he forgets about himself. i think i speak for most of the group members when i say he’s been much happier since he’s met you. so, thanks.” 

this is the first time you’ve seen jake this serious.

“i see.” 

you sigh, before pinching your nose bridge. curse the en-host club for making you rethink every life choice you’ve ever made.

“welcome!”

you’re caught quite off guard when you see a singular face greet you:

the vice president in the flesh, jay. 

“oh, it’s you.”

“jay,” you acknowledge coolly. 

“i certainly wasn’t expecting you to show up. back to studying in the spare room? or is it perhaps, heeseung this time?”

you shrug, “one or the other.”

the two of you stare at each other for a brief moment, before jay steps back. 

“heeseung! a new guest has requested you!” he calls out, catching the attention of those around him. 

most of the guests had gotten used to seeing you. but since it had been a while since your last visit, stares uncomfortably linger on you.  

“coming!” you hear his voice and the hairs on your neck prick up. 

“jay, you called-?” heeseung sounds breathless and to be frank, a bit roughed up. a sudden urge to reach over and fix his hair fills you. 

once he sees you, he stops in his tracks. 

“hey,” he exhales. you swallow. 

before you can say anything though, he glances back at the guests, hesitant. 

jay then pats him on the back, “don’t worry, i’ll keep them distracted with teasers of our next photo shoot.” 

of course, he always had to be cool with his indiscrete approval. 

it hits you that the two of you can finally be alone. 

“are you here to study?” heeseung speaks up, scratching the back of his neck in anticipation? or was it nervousness? 

“actually, no.” 

 he’s seems super surprised when he asks, “then what are you doing here?”

you cross your arms, kicking the floor with your shoe. 

“honestly? i have no clue. maybe because i was bored. or something.”

all of that meaning: i wanted to know you were okay. i wanted to spend time with you. i want to keep you company, for now and possibly for the future.

you fight back a smile when you heeseung smile. you knew you could count on heeseung to read his guests well. 

“or something?”

that was the heeseung you knew. you groan, “i’m already regretting this.” 

your breath hitches at the sound of his laugh, pure and carefree.

“you missed me that much?”

“okay, now you’re pushing it.” 

“well,” the handsome president gestures out grandly, “i’m your host. that means i’m yours for the day.” 

how could that offer be beat? 

you supposed being the chosen one didn’t sound too bad. 

he offers out a hand, and you sigh. although your arms are crossed, you begrudgingly fall into the man that is lee heeseung. 

next episode.

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@kflixnet

[ear-worthy]

The Life Shift Podcast Celebrates its 100th Episode

On The Life Shift podcast, host Matt Gilhooly has candid conversations with people about the pivotal moments that changed their lives forever. It's one of those indie podcasts that, when you find it, you feel like you've discovered audio gold. If you don't know, indie podcasting is hard. It's building a media business from conception to birth through maturation. It's finding listeners amid a sea of other podcasts.

On the podcast's website, it reads: "We all have our stories, but through these conversations, we discover communities. We learn that there are commonalities through the ups and downs that we all face. But most importantly, we learn that we are not alone."

The Life Shift podcast highlights life-altering moments and humanizes the struggles and triumphs through them all.

The Life Shift podcast host, Matt Gilhooly, says, "I launched The Life Shift Podcast in March 2022. It started as a project to complete for an elective course in my most recent graduate degree at The University of Florida. I have always felt compelled to share my story in hopes that others might feel a bit less alone on the journey. But since the objective was to create an interview-based podcast, I opted to start The Life Shift Podcast." 

On December 12th, The Life Shift podcast celebrates its 100th episode. 

I reached out to The life Shift creator / host / entrepreneur Matt Gilhooly with a few questions as he approached his 100th episode.

Q. What have you learned after 100 episodes?

A. I had no idea what this journey would bring to me. Selfishly, this podcast has helped to heal parts of me that I did not realize still needed healing. I’ve learned just how similar we are despite all the differences that are thrown in our faces. At the end of the day, we just want to love, be loved, and enjoy this journey we call life. Yet so many of us are thrown curveballs and knocked off our path. But this is where we learn who we are meant to be. This is where we grow.

Over 100 episodes, I have learned how important it is to REALLY listen. It allows for deeper conversation, more curiosities, and it creates a safe space for those we are speaking it. I am so thankful that I can now count active listening as a skill I have acquired on this journey.

I have also had the opportunity to connect with so many people in the podcasting space. It is amazing to me how collaborative people are in this space. People are not gate keeping (mostly) and are happy to share their processes and things to avoid.

I have also learned that there is not one way to podcast. I found early on that I was trying to do what everyone told me I SHOULD be doing. Once I learned that this is my journey, I found everything to be much more comfortable.

Q. Is podcasting harder than you thought?

A. Podcasting is not harder than I thought, but it is much more work than I thought it might be. I think we all think that we can just jump on a microphone, ask a few questions, and then post it to all the places and be done. Millions of people will listen, and you will have a successful podcast. That is clearly a fantasy, at least for me.

 I go into each conversation with my initial goal in mind (to help others feel less alone). This takes the pressure off to feel like I need to be perfect. But it takes a good deal of time to connect with guests, schedule recordings, record the episode (sometimes very deep and traumatic), edit the audio, edit the video, create assets, load to hosts, and promote. I am happy to say that I have found a process and become rather good (I think) at editing and releasing content that resonates.

 Funny enough, the hardest thing for me right now is that I am so far ahead. When episode 100 releases, I will have 115 recorded, which means I have 3.5 months of content waiting to release. This is too much for my heart because I hate making my guests wait. So much so, that I released two episodes a week every week in September and October 2023.

Q. How have your downloads grown?

 A. Oh, geez. This is a sore spot for many new podcasters. We hear so much of these studio-backed shows launching to the top of the charts, but that is far from normal for indie podcasters like me. Growth in downloads has been steady, nearing 25,000 downloads. This number tells me that the content resonates with listeners and fulfills its purpose. Q. Have your hosting abilities grown and matured? How?

 A. Along with building active listening skills, I think I have found more confidence in my voice as I get to 100 episodes of the show. As a child, I was often bullied for my voice, so it is very cool to take that back and find fulfillment in a show that uses my voice weekly to hold a safe space for my guests to share deeply personal stories.

I notice now that I do not get as nervous before recording with a total stranger. The beginning of the show started with people in my circle. I am proud to say that I have not actively sought out a guest since October 2022. So, that says something about my abilities as a host now. Or I hope it does.

 Q. What's the primary piece of advice you'd give to indie podcasters after reaching 100 episodes?

A. There is no universal formula for successful podcasting. My advice is to carve your own path. Do not get sidetracked by the overwhelming number of recommendations/requirements out there. Finding your unique approach can make the podcasting journey the most fulfilling experience, as it has been for me with The Life Shift Podcast.

Check out The Life Shift podcast for Matt's next 100 episodes. Today. Matt has a special episode leading up to tomorrow's 100th show.

It's superb audio for the heart, the mind, and your sense of purpose.

[mboylstonsvad-gd]

February 10, 2023

This week we listened to episode 247 of Creative Pep Talk Podcast and learned some pieces of advice that Andy J. Pizza finds most valuable in his career. I typed my thoughts out as I listened and then went back to make sure the thoughts were cohesive, but this might feel a little stream-of-consciousness-y. Nonetheless…

Andy’s first chunk of advice is to get angry. As a secondary emotion, Andy calls anger a breadcrumb that leads you to the deeper, more potent emotion that can be worked through. By tapping into those deep emotions, creativity can flourish. Another piece of advice Andy holds onto is something that he learned from Aaron Draplin, which is to be unafraid of defying cliché. Draplin inspires Andy with his breaking of the status quo while still finding success and believes finding a niche like Draplin is what can set apart one artist from the rest. Something that resonated with me particularly was Andy’s advice he garnered from Nancy Duarte. She says, “You are not the hero.” As an artist showing work that I put time and effort into, it’s almost a reflex to fall back on my ego whenever I receive criticism, constructive or not. But allowing the ego to dictate a situation minimizes the chance of growing from an experience. Next, Andy goes on to talk about the difference between making art selfishly and making art for people. He argues that self-care can still be the motivation for creating, and a lot of times the creative output originates selfishly, but the act of creating becomes more valuable when others see a resonance. He reminds listeners, “Don’t be afraid to try…say yes to the call…and embrace your gut.” Reframing obstacles when you experience ‘gut churn’ is a moment of growth that should be embraced rather than feared. The obstacles are designed to mold you into a stronger designer and creator. Here is some of Andy’s work—particularly my favorite which is his collection of “Invisible Things.” 

This week I presented a new project that I started which is creating promotional material for an imagined Frida Kahlo exhibit. I was inspired by monotype prints I created in a class last semester that feature Frida’s portrait and I pulled one trace, then a ghost, then a second ghost. It left me with three distinct prints that I felt were interesting but didn’t know how to use until now. The exhibit highlights the events of Frida’s life, so I used icons from her paintings to create a surface pattern. Then I created posters with the monotypes. This project turned into one that I was really proud of and excited to share with the class. However, based on the reaction I got, it’s clearly not my best work. It was a lesson on leaving my ego at the door and not becoming too attached to anything I make.

After getting some feedback on the posters, I revisited them briefly and am hoping there is some improvement, even if it’s slight. I would love to include this project in my portfolio, so it’s my intention to fine-tune this until it’s a well-functioning design. Here's the second poster with some changes based on feedback.

At this point I'm mostly looking for reassurance that this project has enough value to continue with because I started with an all-time high level of motivation on this and it's tapered off since showing it to other people. Do I not know what good design is? I think I'm overthinking it...it's been a long week—here's to a fresh start next week!

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

Y'all. I post silly shit, overreacting shit, and sometimes I like to think I post something good. I wanna introduce y'all to something that's helping me a lot now. Well, not that I'm any worse off than any other chronically online person, but that's not the point. There's this unassuming Webtoon story... And it's captivated my heart. It has so much personality, character and soul, I don't think I've felt like this since... Like, 2011.

This...

Is Watermelon. It fucking sucks.

No wait, hear me out.

Remember how I said it's unassuming? It's because it has this nice name, nice art at the cover, and it all looks so nice and happy... Yet this series had brought me to the verge of tears so many times, I lost count. This is one of the most raw, unfiltered experiences, I've ever read. I'm gonna drop another bomb on you guys. I wanna compare this to Berserk.

I know, I know, nowhere near the same, both fans and people new to it would agree... But hear me out. Y'know what skele man said about Guts? What he called him? "Struggler". I think... Since the work of the late Kentaro Miura, up til today, I've never read anything that was as raw and oppressing yet oddly inspiring and heart warming as these two works. Heh. What a wombo combo. Berserk... And Watermelon.

I'm not gonna delve into the plot, so no spoilers here, but if I've ever really felt like any other character deserved to be called Struggler, besides Guts, than it was the protagonist of Watermelon. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure many more also deserve the title. But this one just resonated real deep with me. I think it reminded me of a lot of things I forgot, and values I've since dismissed. It brought me back to when I was a kid, it showed me my struggles and then it showed me things a hundred times worse. I know a lot of people will dismiss this, not even look at it, or read the story and think it's nothing special.

But even so. I really wanna bring this to people's attention. I feel like it's worth downloading Webtoon, even if you dislike this style or even the idea of webtoons, just for this story. Hell, I thought I wouldn't like it. I gave it a chance, but figured I'd read five chapters tops.

I've finished the full 144 publicly available episodes in one day. And I plan to reread all of it. I feel like the first time I read Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. I feel like, for the first time in ages, like there's so much wonder and beauty in the world, and it makes me want to cherish what I have more, and to never ever forget that. It reminds me of simpler, purer things in life. Like the unconditional love of family. Like the warmth of a big, group hug with all your close ones. I like to wax poetry and sound smart, but I think this is the first time I've really said something when writing all fancy like, even if my verse is as unoriginal as it gets. Fucks sake, I'm tearing up right now. But I feel this warm feeling in me, however fleeting, and just thinking about this makes me smile. I. I don't smile. Not when I'm alone with myself. I may smirk or cackle or even laugh at someone. But I haven't felt this content and just... Happy, in a long while.

The series is equally as disturbing as it is uplifting, and sure it could be seen as angsty and generic, but it's struck a deep chord with me, and it never felt like the author is going overboard, or doing this just because, or whatever. I'm not gonna pretend like I know the author, but Rorita (author-sama, that is) makes me think that author-sama is putting some real emotions and feelings in this work. It doesn't feel empty, it doesn't feel bland. It doesn't feel like one of those generic power fantasies where the hero rises to the challenge and prevails because, DUH, they're the hero! I've been out of touch with my inner literary appreciator for a while, but I can more sense than genuinely point out a message in this whole thing, a message that's surely near and dear to the author's heart.

I wish I've read something like this much, much sooner. It's a really, really beautiful work of art. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it. It's extraordinary. I'd go as far as to say that I absolutely, undoubtedly... Honestly, seriously...

Really fucking love this goddamn story. It makes me wanna spam heart emojis till the end of days.

[taeyamayang]

hi i’m requesting atsumu, akaashi, terushima and tsukishima w their s/o getting flustered n needy easily? if u write for that kinda stuff! just how they’d tease n stuff n call them good girl n stuff bcs they know how much their s/o gets needy over it hahahaha

hq boys when you get needy

PAIRING: character x fem!reader

GENRE: fluff | established relationship | aged up

WARNING: suggestive, but only akaashi's | kisses too with oikawa,, so if you don't like that kind of thing just skip it | tsukishima is kinda,, uhhh | you know what, atsumu is the only basic fluff here, goodluck

a/n: hi anon! thanks for sending a request ♡. im not going to lie, this put me in a bit of a challenge. i haven't written anything in line with the concept of your request so i hope i managed to get what you mean..? lmao im sorry if this isnt what you intended to say (im not really sure at this point but i did my best lol) also, unfortunately i don't write for terushima so im hoping you fancy oikawa too („ಡωಡ„). i wish you a great day/night ahead, anon~

🌌 ATSUMU: your eyes follow the man in thin white shirt as he navigates around your shared apartment. suddenly you feel needy for his attention and so you call for him. "babe." he turns his head to you. he hums while his eyebrow raises up in question. "can you carry me to bed?" you have never been this clingy in your entire relationship with him but today just feels a little different. perhaps, it's the weather that makes you crave for his touch and attention. his feet lead to you and you instantly feel the warmth building in your cheeks. "what's that?" he smirks. you know he's messing with you. "you missed me that much, baby?" he dips his head next to your face and you immediately shut your eyes closed. you thought he would sweep you off from your lying position in the sofa but seconds pass and no motion has happened yet. you open your eyes to a smiling atsumu. he giggles when he sees your cheeks paint in deep crimson. he pretended to do it just to mess with you. "forget it." you cross your arms over your chest and turn your back at him. "you look so cute when you're flustered and clingy." then allo of a sudden you feel his arm slipping through the back of your knees and the other supporting your back. he lifts you up, effortlessly. "come here, baby girl." he says. his voice dropping an octave. you look away from his gaze, trying to hide your flustered cheeks.

🌌 AKAASHI: it was a rainy day. you and akaashi decided to spent the whole day together tucked inside your sheets as you binge watch your favorite series. you don't mind stay-at-home dates because honestly you don't get to have a private space with him when everyone's eyes are on him all the time. his orbs shifts to the clock when the end credits of the episode starts to resonate within the room. "it's late i have to go home." he moves his limbs under the sheets but before he could fully leave you alone in your bed your fingers find its way to his wrist. "don't leave me, stay." your words came out of your mouth abruptly. akaashi's eyes glimmered and his tongue pokes the sides of his cheeks. he hums at you in question, playing dumb. "what if i do?" he scoots in next you as his face held a smirk. your cheeks turn red. "what should i do for you to stay?" his left eyebrow twitches up. "what do you have in plan?" you swallow saliva as his gaze intensifies. "for now i have nothing planned yet. what do you want to do?" your heart starts to beat faster and your head starts to spin. where did this courage came from? "anything for you, baby." his face inches its way to you. your hand clutches around the linen next to you as he continuously leans in. his eyes never left you since the conversation started. you have never done 'it' with him before so is this..? you cough out nervously. he laughs. he legitimately laughs like he's enjoying the whole situation. "you don't have to take it seriously, y/n. i didn't mean anything sexual. unless, you were hoping for it." he winks at you and you let out a shaky breath. you look at him in wide eyes. how can he fucking play with you.

🌌 OIKAWA: it's been a solid five minutes now since you decided to park your car in front of the gymnasium and wait for him as you rest your body at the side of your vehicle. you don't mind the wait, though. you know that the media takes their time to get an interview from the players. after a couple more minutes, the front door opens to a group of volleyball players. it's his team. you jolt up and your hands attempts to straighten the folds of your new top. he approached you with his arms in the air expecting for a hug. he embraced you tightly, slightly lifting you up on the ground. you missed him so much. it's the end of season and finally you have more time to spend witth him. your eyes wander on his face. his long eyelashes, perfectly shaped eyebrows, arched nose, and the curves of his plumped lips. the crave engulfs you. he tilts his head to the side when he figured you're staring at him. then, he let's out a loud "ah!" he leans in and when you thought he knew what you meant, you shut your eyes close. the pads of his fingers touched your temples as if pinching something off your skin. "you have dirt." embarrassment creeps in like a bad memory from childhood. he definitely saw you close your eyes. it's embarrassing enough for the two of you let alone a whole crowd gathered outside. you pull his shirt down making his back crunch down to level his gaze with you. "damn it, oikawa. kiss me." you say through gritted teeth. his signature mischievous smile begins to show on his face. "i know. i was just teasing you." his hand cups your jaw before you could retort. he tilts it to the side and his lips crashes against yours. his lips envelopes with you in a slow motion and your hands crawls onto to his back, pulling him closer to you. he pulls back and says. "i like this side of you."

🌌 TSUKISHIMA: you sit on top of the countertop of the kitchen as you narrate to tsukki the tale of how you turned down a suitor by telling them you're dating him. "... and that's how i told him im dating you." you finish off your short story with a bite off your sandwich. tsukki, who is currently working on his second piece of sandwich on the dining table, swiftly turns his body to face you. the corners of his lips pull upward into a satisfied grin. he pins you down by placing both hands next to your thighs as he bend his body forward. he turns his neck slightly to your face so his lips gently touches your ear. "good girl." he whispers. his warm breath fanning against your earlobe, sending shivers down your spine. he pulls back as if nothing happened while you're frozen in your spot. your cheeks burns and your eyes are glued to the floor. he seemed to sense your burn up cheeks and decides to fuel the fire. he fingers tucks a stray hair behind your ear as he nears his face to you once again. "what's wrong, baby?" you look away from him and furrow your eyebrows. "nothing." you mutter to yourself. he keeps your emotions wrapped around his finger as his hand falls below your chin. he pulls your head back to face him. you have no choice but to lock gaze with him. his other hand brushes against the side of your face while the thumb under your chin presses on your bottom lip. he softly pulls your lip down before releasing it. "you've always been a good girl." his smile grows wider when the tint on your face brightens.

a/n: as you all can already tell i cant write short headcannons when the concept involves touching,, i hope you enjoy reading this and as always thanks for reading! likes and rbs are bery much welcome and appreciated ♡

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