#like characters that swap sides over the course of the story n stuff like that

[erythristicbones]

looking at my oc profiles on TH and wanting to add more info....but don't want to spoil stories i intend to publish one day.....hrrmmmm

[maddsmallow]

finally!!! my month and a half late dutp mermay pic is DONE. i have a whole, like, story idea for this pic, which you can read here on my twitter! EDIT: fuck twitter, i deleted it, so the story idea is now under the cut if you're interested! i think signy and audwin from time princess' swan lake story can work really well with a mermaid twist on their characters. also i just want mermaid audwin and human signy to smooch a lot uwu

also. nothin' like drawing mermaids to kick your ass into figuring out how tf to draw water lmaooo

the story goes something like this: signy is the daughter of some rich guy and they've always been by the ocean (maybe the company has something to do with the ocean?), and i haven't quite figured out what he does, but either he or uncle arthur start getting into some shifty shit and maybe get into offshore oil drilling, or something that will hardcore pollute the water. she's expected to take over whatever the company is, but she doesn't give a shit and like, just wants to be a marine biologist. she has her own boat (bc rich people privileges) and often goes out into the water to just get away from it all and chill, and maybe she does some diving to look at the fish and coral n stuff. idk how any of this works irl lmao. but anyways, audwin has been watching her for a while, because humans are very interesting, before she finally spots him. after freaking out, she decides to keep him a secret because even as a marine biologist or whatever, she knows a find this big would be more dangerous to the merman himself than beneficial for any research. so she goes out to their meeting spot to hang out with him most days, and even though they cant communicate, she talks to him and he seems to understand. he brings her gifts and she brings him human stuff to look at. eventually she says something like, "i wish we could talk, i so badly wish to know more about you," and audwin's like. welp that's enough consent for me. so he uses his magic to turn her into a mermaid. and of course she FREAKS but then she's like!! oh fuck!! we can talk now! i can explore without needing air!! tell me and show me EVERYTHING. so they explore and they talk. audwin explains, a bit vaguely, about how he "doesn't belong with the rest of the mer people" even though they are a social species, so having to fend for himself for his whole life has left him a bit scrawny and, while he would have been riddled with scars from having to fight with other creatures on his own, has become very good at magic to defend himself. and now that they can understand each other and have an actual mutual conversation, audwin's like. oh heck. i like this girl a lot (assuming he didn't already consider her his mate because of the constant exchange of gifts).

just before she's about to be like okay this was fun but i gotta get back to my life on land, they spot a body floating in the water, and before audwin can pull her back signy goes to it and pulls the unconscious man to the shore and performs cpr and brings him back. he looks weirdly like audwin. she can't speak in any human language anymore (mermaids in this universe don't have the right vocal chord structure or whatever to speak human language), having taken the form of a mermaid, but he seems to understand what she's saying anyways? how could that be? she turns to audwin for an explanation and he's like, yeah so uh, the magic i used to give you a tail actually just swapped your human parts for another mer person's mermaid parts. so i guess this is the guy you swapped with and he's actually a mermaid, so he knows what you're saying. and signy is of course PISSED she's like this random other mermaid dude coulda died just for me to have a bit of fun?? that's fucked dude. and audwin's like, "why would i give a shit when i was cast out as a baby from the rest of mermaid society? YOU are my only friend." and then the other guy, who introduces himself as aldous (and i guess a side effect of audwin's magic is that he can fluently speak english or whatever now lmao), is like. yeah that's cool and all but, this is actually terrible fucking timing. some dude just came into my kingdom and is fucking everything up hardcore and i need to be there to fight him off. but even if audwin switched their tail/legs back, aldous would be too weak from, yknow, almost dying from drowning to actually fight whoever is fuckin shit up. so signy is like ME AND AUDWIN WILL DO IT and before audwin can even say anything, she grabs her cell phone from her shorts (let's just assume her clothes are on her boat and the boat is nearby lmao) and has aldous call her friend ben (the guard from the story!) and relay a message to him to meet her at the shore. he does and he sees the situation, and with aldous translating, signy tells ben to take care of this random dude she found on the beach. "dont ask questions its just REALLY IMPORTANT." and he's like. fuck okay sure. and just before signy and audwin go off to see what's going on with the mer kingdom, aldous gives audwin a pendant that will grant him access inside no matter what. every mer person has a pendant that has magic to allow them into their respective kingdom, but aldous had always had two of them, a gold and green one and a silver and purple one, and he feels that maybe the purple one belongs to audwin.

so aldous goes with ben to ben's place to rest and recoup, and signy and audwin go to the kingdom to see what their deal is. i dunno what's going on there, i haven't quite figured it out, but basically the king, aldous' (and audwin's) dad, is losing his marbles and made some kind of pact with a human who ends up being signy's dad or uncle, but then her dad/uncle was just going to betray the agreement and kill them all for access to an oil drilling spot? i dunno. but i have a scene in my head where they hide in what seems to be some kind of abandoned prison with one cell, and there ends up being one mer woman in there who ends up calling audwin's name when she sees him. audwin is shocked, and approaches carefully, and she cries while she explains she's so happy to see him alive and well. she tells him that his father separated him from his family just a bit after she'd birthed him and her brother because he was certain he was going to fulfill some kind of prophecy and overthrow him, and then he cast her into prison because she was so heartbroken that she was deemed "mad." the king brought up aldous as an only child with no memory of his twin brother or his mother, but always had an inkling that something was missing because of the second pendant he'd always had, which was given to him as a baby by their mother before she was taken away. audwin despairs at the fact that his mother and the life he should have had were ripped away from him by one man, and hugs his mother tight before swearing to take the king down.

some big climax happens and they take down the mer king and throw him in the cell that used to house the queen (cuz im not creative enough to come up with a non-prison sentence even tho fuck prisons and also acab irl), who then takes her rightful place back at the throne, and they also take down signy's dad/uncle or whatever, i dunno, i haven't figured this shit out yet lmaoo. but anyways, they sort it all out and they fall in love n all that shit. audwin speaks to his mother and tells her, he's never belonged to mer society and trying to integrate now would majorly suck, especially without signy at his side, who has to go back to land to give aldous his mer body back. he'd rather be by signy's side, separated by land and ocean, than not be near her at all. she's his one true friend. his mother understands, and bestows a new pendant to signy that, when worn, will allow her to understand the mer language even as a human, and allow her back into mer society should they ever return. they go back to the surface and they get ben and aldous back to the shore and audwin swiches signy and aldous' human and mer bodies back. it's a sad occassion. signy doesn't want to leave audwin behind in the water, and it's clear that aldous and ben have developed some kind of feelings for each other (do i have aldous and the guard fall in love in every dutp swan lake story i've ever thought up? YES). ben suddenly pipes up and is like, audwin switch with me!! and everyone else is like HUH?? ben explains that he doesn't really have anything in the human world to miss, he's not leaving behind much [insert some kind of tragic story for ben that i haven't thought up yet], and if they switch, they can both be with the people they want to spend their lives with. so they switch. audwin becomes a human and ben a merman, and then signy's like. welp, guess i don't need this anymore, and gives ben her pendant. they're all smiles and hugs, and then before they say goodbye and leave, audwin turns to aldous and says, "hey, say hi to mom for me." and aldous, who doesn't know they're brothers, is like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHILE I WAS GONE--

and anyways. aldous gets to meet his mother (who will know exactly what happened with signy and auwdin the second she sees ben with her pendant and it makes her smile) and stay with ben who adapts to mer society fairly easily, and audwin gets to stay with his best friend and love in the human world. signy's dad's company tanks which she is glad for, and maybe she and audwin use the money she has to open up some kind of ocean clean-up project or something. standard cheesy barbie-like plot haha. wham bam, signy x audwin mermay story

will i ever write it? nope. if anyone wants to yoink this idea, go ahead! just credit me (and also @ me so i can read it hehe) !!!

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i based the boat off of this pic of a greenline 39 yacht

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consider supporting me on ☕ ! ko -fi. com / maddsmallow (without spaces)

[fr3sh-tragedies]

Requited Love

[Resident Evil: Village] Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Proofread: Yes

Content Warnings: Spoilers for the game, angst, mentions of past trauma, death, anxiety.

[A/N]: This was a prompt swap with one of my friends, and I've written one more from this challenge with her for Samantha Giddings, though I don't plan to post it anytime soon. I have a masterlist in my drafts that lists all of the characters I want to write for, but I'd like to post three stories for each of those characters before I upload the masterlist--that way I can figure out which ones I will actually write for, and which ones I won't.

Enjoy!

 “C’mon, Aunt Donna! I’m telling you: if you take her out on a date like that, she’ll have to say yes!” Daniela chirped excitedly from her seat against the armrest of the sofa. Bela elbowed her gently in the arm, scoffing and shaking her head. “Dani, [Y/N] shouldn’t feel pressured to say she feels the same way. She should have every reason to feel comfortable enough to say no if she’s not interested.” She turned to Donna, who had been fidgeting with her fingers. “Of course,” the blonde said in a much softer tone, “I don’t have any doubts that she won’t reciprocate your feelings. I’ve seen just how thrilled and lively she gets whenever your name is even mentioned.” The doll-maker’s head perked up at this, her shoulders tensed as she stared with pure hope behind her veil at the eldest daughter.

Angie jumped up onto the sofa and bounced on top of Bela’s lap. “Really?” She squealed. Bela smirked knowingly at her as she side-glanced at Donna. “Yes, of course.” Daniela leaned forward. “Yeah! She really does love you, Auntie! We’ve all seen it–even Cassandra! Right, Cass?” She turned to her older sister, who was seated at the far end of the couch with her arms crossed, seemingly disinterested. She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah. It’s sickening to see how oblivious the two of you are around each other,” she retorted. Bela sent her a threatening glare. “Cass, watch it. It’s not their fault they’re too nervous to confess. Rejection is a painful thing to experience.”

The brunette turned to her. “Yeah, I know, but they aren’t going to reject each other. We all know that.” “They don’t know that. Well, Donna knows now, but [Y/N] doesn’t.” She turned to her aunt with a comforting smile. “I can assure you that the love you have for [Y/N] is requited.” Donna smiled softly under her veil, looking to her lap as the three daughters turned to Angie. “Don’t worry,” the small doll spoke while waving her hand dismissively. “I’ll make sure Donna doesn’t chicken out.” Donna turned to her. “Angie,” she scolded as Daniela and Bela chuckled–Cassandra even snickered a bit to herself from the opposite end of the group

The doll-maker sighed and tugged Angie over to sit in her lap. “What if I mess something up?” She voiced softly after a moment. Daniela stood from the armrest and moved to sit next to Donna, squishing herself in between her aunt and Cassandra. “Hey, watch it!” The redhead ignored her and gently grasped one of Donna’s hands. “You won’t ruin anything,” she reassured in an uncharacteristic tone. “Bela and I can even help you set everything up so you can focus on making the food!” The veiled woman looked to Bela, who smiled back at her. “You two would be willing to do that for me?” The blonde nodded. “Of course. Since it’s warm enough outside, we should be able to stay out without much layering.”

Cassandra cleared her throat, prompting everyone to glance over at her. She stared at them expectantly. When she got no answer, she growled and planted her hand flat against her chest. “Am I just supposed to stay here on my own? Do you three really not trust me enough to contribute somehow?” Bela and Daniela looked at each other with confusion. “We thought this kind of stuff annoyed you,” the blonde responded. “It does, but I don’t like being left out of things. I hate it almost as much as I hate all of this cheesy romance shit.” Bela rolled her eyes and Daniela giggled. “I’m not really sure what you could help with. Dani and I can take care of the table and decor pretty quickly on our own.”

Cassandra growled again, but before she could speak and bicker with her sister, Donna turned to her. “Actually, Cassandra, if you’d really like to help, it might be nice for the main part of the meal to be hunted and homemade instead of being bought from the Duke. It would add a more meaningful aspect to it.” Cassandra’s eyes lit up as she smirked. “Say no more. Name the day, and I’ll be there with whatever you need.” She shifted into a swarm of flies and flew up the stairs, leaving her sisters there to finish planning with Donna.

T////////S

[Y/N] giggled as Donna led her over behind the house to the edge of the waterfall. “Donna, where are we going?” The doll-maker had covered the girl’s eyes with her hands so she’d hopefully be surprised by the setup. “Somewhere special, but not far from home. I…” She hesitated, her hands trembling against [Y/N]’s face. The [h/c] girl raised her own hands to cover Donna’s, gently caressing them with the pads of her thumbs. “Hun, just relax. I’m sure I’ll love wherever you take me.” Donna smiled warmly down at her. Her tensed hands slowly relaxed as they continued walking forward, but quickly grew rigid again as they grew closer to her desired spot.

Finally, after a long while of stumbling and trying not to trip each other, the two women came to a stop. [Y/N]’s eyes were still covered, but she was able to hear the rushing water of the nearby cliff flowing down rapidly somewhere far below them. Donna sucked in a deep breath. “I-I really hope you’ll like it,” she whispered, internally slapping herself for stuttering. Even after failing to steel her nerves, Donna managed to remove her hands and drop them down to her sides, where they only remained temporarily before finding each other in front of her torso to pick at one another. [Y/N]’s eyes slowly fluttered open. They quickly widened shortly after as a small gasp slipped past her lips. “Oh, Donna, it’s beautiful!”

Donna sighed in relief, glancing over to take in the view herself. There, a good distance away from the edge of the cliff, stood a suitably sized table with two seats placed opposite of one another. A pastel tablecloth draped itself atop the wooden surface of the table, the edges rippling with the soft breeze. Resting on top of the cloth was a small vase filled with dicentras as the centerpiece, two plates of lasagne, and a small tray of antipasto. Two wine glasses full of Barbaresco positioned themselves beside the plates, the rims of the glass shimmering underneath the moonlight. Even from where she stood, [Y/N] recognized the craftsmanship of the wood used for the table and chairs–Donna had made them quite a while ago, but she never knew why until then.

Donna stepped forward and softly placed her hand on [Y/N]’s shoulder. She squeezed it to gain her attention, prompting the girl to look up at her. “Do you really think it’s beautiful?” [Y/N] beamed brightly at her, turning to her and grabbing her hands. Donna blushed. “Of course I do,” she responded cheerfully. The ravenette sighed softly in relief. “I’m glad.” They stared at each other for a moment, not entirely sure what to say next. Finally, Angie came bounding from the opposite side of the house. “Sit down and eat before the food gets cold,” she yelled while tugging at [Y/N]’s pant leg. “Donna and the mean sister from the Tall Lady’s family spent a lot of time on it! I’ll bite your ankles if you don’t go sit down.” [Y/N] chuckled. “Okay, okay, fine.”

She and Donna walked over. Before [Y/N] had an opportunity to pull her chair out to sit down, Donna rushed over and did it for her. She thanked her with a sheepish grin and watched as the doll-maker forcefully sauntered over to her own seat. Once they were both seated, they picked up their utensils and hesitantly began to eat. [Y/N] hummed once the flavor hit her tongue. She covered her mouth as she spoke. “Oh, wow, this tastes incredible, Donna! And Angie said Cassandra helped with this?” Donna nodded and blushed. “Yes. She helped hunt for the meat in the dish, and Bela and Daniela helped me set the table, chairs, and decor up. They’re, um…they’re actually the ones who encouraged me to do this tonight.” [Y/N] smiled. “They’re all so sweet, even if they don’t like to show it.” Donna nodded in agreement.

She took a shaky breath, unsure of how to even bring up her confession. Her hand trembled as she continued to take small bites. She went to reach for her glass, but decided against it when she noticed just how badly her hand was shaking. She didn’t want to spill the wine on herself and end up embarrassing herself while ruining the moment. ‘How am I supposed to ask her? There has to be a way to bring it up in a smooth manner.’ Panicked, her mind went back to a few weeks prior when she had been discussing the plan with the Dimitrescu sisters.

F////////B

“How do I even go about asking something like that? I don’t want it to be sudden and make it even more awkward than it already will be,” Donna anxiously said aloud, surprisingly not using Angie as her voice. The three sisters all turned to her, each one carrying their own expression: Bela seemed distressed, Cassandra appeared annoyed, and Daniela looked as though she was about to burst with the ideas she had been keeping private about the date. “I don’t want to screw this up–I’m already enough of a screw-up as it is.” The sisters’ expressions all shifted into one of uniformed concern. They sat next to Donna on the bed, Bela and Daniela taking either one of her hands. “Hey, what are you talking about? You’re not a screw-up,” the redhead assured softly. Donna lowered her head in an attempt to hide the tears pricking her one good eye, even though her veil was still covering her face.

“I am. I always have been. I don’t know what [Y/N] even sees in me.” Bela tilted her head as the pad of her thumb brushed over the back of the doll-maker’s hand in a soothing manner. “What makes you think of yourself that way?” Donna sniffled and slipped both hands out of the girls’ grasp, allowing her to bring them up under her veil to wipe her tears and hide her face even further. “I’ve always been able to tell how people think of me,” she started softly. “My parents always favored both of my sisters, and once they passed, they didn’t seem to care enough about me to stay. I remember crying to myself each night–telling myself that, if I had been good enough, maybe they would’ve stayed. Maybe they would’ve loved me more.”

“Oh, Donna, you–” “And then I met Mother Miranda. I thought I could be a perfect daughter, even if I wasn’t fit to be a vessel for Eva. When she told me I was part of the family, even though I wasn’t a perfect fit, it didn’t upset me because I was happy to finally have people I could rely on. But then I read her entries about the experiments she performed on me.” She wiped her face again, her fingernails digging lightly into her scalp. “She…she said I was almost a perfect fit, but she was disappointed to learn that I’m “mentally underdeveloped.””

The three women beside her remained silent, unsure of what to say to comfort her. They listened with disheartened gazes as their aunt began to weep. She curled her legs up onto the bed and clutched them to her chest, allowing her to bury her head in between her knees. “I don’t want [Y/N] to see me as a disappointment,” she finally rasped at length. “She means way too much to me–I can’t lose her like I’ve lost everyone else.” Bela pulled her to lean against her shoulder. “Hey, I may not be able to say anything about what Mother Miranda said about you because that’s out of my control, but I can assure you with all of my heart that [Y/N] loves you. She would do anything for you, yes, but that also means she wouldn’t lie to you about how she feels. If she thought of you in a low manner, you would’ve been able to tell. Has she done anything to make you doubt how she feels?”

Donna stayed quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking back on what Bela had asked her. After a moment, she shook her head. “No, she hasn’t. She actually…does the opposite.” “She does? How so?” “She just–she makes me so happy. She always compliments everything I do, and supports me, and constantly helps out around the house so I have more time to work in the shop. She even,” she chuckled, letting her legs fall back down to hang over the side of the bed again. “She even plays the piano and sings for me while I work so I won’t be alone.” Daniela grinned beside her and gently shook her shoulder. “See? There ya go! Just focus on the positive.”

Donna giggled, and she nodded as she moved to stop leaning against the eldest daughter so she could straighten out her clothes. “I suppose you have a point. I just–I still don’t know how to confess how I feel or ask her.” Cassandra stood and stepped in front of the three, crossing her arms. “Just do it. I don’t see why you’re so anxious about this.” Bela scoffed and stood up as well. “Cass, you need to–” “No, listen to me. I may not understand why people fall in love, but I do know that Aunt Donna and [Y/N] love each other. It’s not a temporary thing–especially for them–so she doesn’t need to worry so much about what could go wrong.” She turned to Donna, who had been listening intently. “She won’t say no, I promise. Just find whatever courage you need and tell her how you feel.”

The doll-maker smiled up at her, though no one could see it, and nodded. “I’ll do my best. Thank you–all three of you.”

They all beamed at her warmly. “Of course,” Daniela responded. “So, how’re you going to confess?” Donna blushed, her shoulders growing tense. “Oh, well…I’m not entirely sure. I know you said I couldn’t–and shouldn’t–use Angie, so I’m having to find a way to rehearse what I want to say for myself.” “And what do you have so far?” “Well…”

E////F////B

Donna cleared her throat, twirling her fork around and moving bits of food across the plate. “So, [Y/N],” she mumbled barely loud enough to hear. [Y/N]’s head perked up at the sound of her name. “Yes?” “I-I, uhm…” She glanced up at the girl across the table and blushed once they made eye contact, quickly averting her gaze and staring down at her lap. She looked over to find Angie giving her a thumbs up from several feet behind the [h/c] girl. With a shaky breath, Donna’s hands dropped down to pick at themselves underneath the table. She felt her heart hammering against her ribs, silently wondering if [Y/N] could hear it as well, and she found it hard to breathe properly. She whispered a few words of encouragement to herself under her breath.

Finally, she looked back up, though she couldn’t maintain eye contact, and she felt her arm jerking its way slowly above the table. Her palm presented itself face up–a silent plea for [Y/N] to hold her hand, which she did happily. Donna felt herself sigh. Holding [Y/N]’s hand always calmed her down–she truly felt at peace with her. “Can I be honest with you about something?” [Y/N] squeezed her hand softly, a small smile painting her lips.

“Of course you can. What is it?” Her calm tone felt welcoming–like it had no judgment behind it. Donna cleared her throat again. It felt too soon into the evening to be confessing like this, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to know if [Y/N] felt the same. “It’s about why I brought you here tonight. I wanted it to be special because what I need to tell you is…very personal. It’s important to me.” “I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me this then.” Donna chuckled, mindlessly rubbing her face with her free hand as she felt her face heating up even more.

“I have more than trust for you, [Y/N], believe me.” [Y/N] tilted her head, suddenly growing anxious. “Is something wrong?” “No, no, nothing is wrong. I just–” She finally looked her in the eye. “You mean the world to me [Y/N]. You’ve made my life so much better from the moment you arrived. You always know what to say and do to make me feel happy. You make sure I eat enough throughout the day, that I take plenty of breaks, that I get plenty of rest. You always help with the cleaning and cooking, so I have even more time to work on my projects, but you still manage to sit in the room with me to keep me company. I’ve never felt so…loved and important to someone. I truly hope you feel the same way about me.”

[Y/N] was awestruck. Her blush was evident as she responded. “I do, Donna. I do feel the same way. You mean the world to me as well. It might be really corny for me to say this, but I just can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to imagine my life without you.” Donna felt the tears already trickling down her cheek and across her jawline. She felt her fears slowly easing up. This was a great sign–she shared the same feelings about how important they were to one another. She smiled, squeezing [Y/N]’s hand even tighter. “I’m so glad.”

They stared at each other for a long while, both too afraid to say anything in fear of ruining the moment. Angie, however, came bounding over and pulled on Donna’s pant leg. “Tell her how you feel already! It’s getting dark, and I’m getting tired!” Donna shooed her away silently, her head perking up when [Y/N] giggled. “Angie, don’t rush her. She shouldn’t feel uncomfortable no matter what she has to say.”

Donna felt her heart beating faster. She stared at her for a long moment, her mind racing. “Donna? You okay?” She jumped. “Y-Yes!” [Y/N]’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at her sudden urgent tone, making Donna blush as she reflected immediately on how she answered. She cleared her throat and covered her mouth. “I-I apologize. Yes, I’m alright.” “Okay, that’s good.” “But what Angie was talking about–about me telling you…how I feel?” “Yes?” “Before I tell you, could I possibly ask if you’d promise me something?” “Of course.” “Can you promise me that you won’t leave me? That nothing will change between us?”

[Y/N] laughed nervously, but quickly composed herself a bit when she saw just how terrified and expectant Donna seemed. “I promise, but what exactly are you wanting to tell me? I’m sure nothing could be bad enough to damage our relationship.” Donna nodded, wiping her tears away and gripping [Y/N]’s trembling hand in her own. “I suppose we’ll see. I just want–I want to tell you,” her voice trailed off, her confidence faltering and crumbling.

“Take your time, okay? Don’t feel like you have to rush.” Donna remembered every word of encouragement from the people who knew about that night–Bela’s, Cassandra’s, Daniela’s, and even [Y/N]’s. She needed to get this over with. The feeling of being a burden returned–she was taking too long to get it out there. She gripped her leg tightly and took three deep breaths. Steeling her nerves, she blurted it out before she could lose her courage and back out of it again–the way she had done so many times before.

“I love you.”

She felt a weight lift off of her shoulders, though it wasn’t much. She still needed to know if [Y/N] felt the same. She pried her eye open and finally darted her gaze back up to find [Y/N]’s, only to discover that the [h/c] girl was blushing profusely. They stared at each other in silence for a long moment, making Donna even more anxious. “Did…did I ruin this?” She asked softly. [Y/N] slipped her hand from Donna’s to wave them dismissively in front of her. “Oh, no! No, Donna, not at all! I’m so sorry, I just—wasn’t expecting you to be the first one to confess.” Donna’s heart fluttered at the statement. She wanted to smile, but she needed to make sure she didn’t misinterpret the last part of the sentence.

“So…do you feel the same way?” “Yes! Yes, I do.” “Say it!” A random voice suddenly called from around the corner of the house. Both women jumped and turned to find Daniela peeking around the corner while Bela and Cassandra tried to pull her back into hiding. “What the hell?” Donna muttered, turning her attention back to [Y/N] when she laughed. “Sorry, they just really scared me,” she said in between breaths. Donna smiled warmly at her and let out a small snicker of her own. “They scared me as well.”

They gazed at each other with love-stricken grins. Finally, [Y/N] brought her hands up and took Donna’s into hers, caressing them softly before bringing her left hand up to press a light kiss to her knuckles. “I love you too,” she confessed. Donna’s heart flipped as a wide smile cracked across her lips. She stood, pulling [Y/N] to her feet, and tugged her into an embrace. “I love you so much. You have no idea how long I've dreamed of saying that to you,” she whispered. The faint sound of buzzing grew louder, and soon, Daniela was beside them, pulling them into a hug of her own. “Yes! See? I told you you could do it!” Bela and Cassandra joined nearby–Bela began to try to pry Daniela off of the two while Cassandra laughed at how ridiculous her sister was being. “Dani, leave them be! You just ruined the moment!” Donna giggled and leaned back from the hug just far enough to look over at her.

“Actually, Bela, she didn’t ruin anything. It’s alright, I promise. It’s nice to see that she’s so supportive of how [Y/N] and I feel about each other.” Bela sighed. “I’m glad, but Dani, you still need to let them go. This is their moment,” she said as she finally managed to yank her sister away from the two. Donna and [Y/N] both giggled at them before turning to stare at each other again. “So what does this mean? Are you two a thing now?” Cassandra suddenly asked as she stepped closer to the group.

The two women glanced at her before returning to each other. They studied each other’s gaze for a while, seemingly communicating without saying a word, and finally turned back to the sisters. “Yes, we are,” [Y/N] announced. Donna looked back down at her, unable to wipe the grin from her face.

“I’m so happy for you both,” Bela replied, softly patting Donna’s shoulder. “I told you this was a requited love.”

[carryonmywaywardcaptain]

Imagine...finding out there’s fanfic written about you--and even Charlie ships you with Dean

CarryOnCap’s Masterlist

Warnings: Fluff? Crack? A dramatic fanfic within a fanfic that I got carried away with haha.

A/N: This is kind of ridiculous, but I had fun with it! Also, I’ve never actually seen GoT but it seemed like a reasonable reference from what I’ve heard about it.

“Hey, look who I found!” Sam’s voice echoed through the War Room.

Dean glanced at you from across the table in the library, sharing your surprised expression as you both pushed your chairs away and stood. 

“‘Sup, bitches?” Charlie grinned, making her way up the steps toward you.

“Hey! We were expecting you guys to come in through the main door. We’ve been keeping an ear out.”

Charlie stepped into your outstretched arms and pulled you into a tight hug. “It was a spur of the moment decision, but I decided to stick around a day or two longer than planned! Sam said I could go ahead and park in the garage.”

She let go of you and turned to give Dean a hug too. He smiled softly with a look that was uniquely reserved for her, cradling the back of her head while she pressed her cheek against his.

“Good to see you, Charlie. You know you’re always welcome to stay as long as you want.”

An involuntary smile crept onto your face as you watched them. You couldn’t help the way your heart swelled at the low rumble in his voice when he said her name. There was an undeniable protectiveness in his tone when he spoke to her--the sister he’d never wanted, as he affectionately called her.

When you shifted your attention to her, you noticed she was watching you. Before you could decipher the knowing glint in her eye, she suddenly twisted out of his arms and glanced back and forth between you and Dean. She began swinging her arms awkwardly before opting to cross them over her chest.

“You okay?” Dean asked, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah! Of course...Totes chill...cooler than a pack of peppermints.” She bobbed her head and flashed a nervous smile, twisting her hair around her finger as she struggled to act nonchalant. “It’s just that I remembered something. A story I read a while back--completely random. Totally unrelated to anything--I mean, now I’m starting to ramble. Hah! So how’ve you guys been? Still saving the world from evil sons-of-bitches?” 

“Uh, yeah…” Sam answered, scrunching his eyebrows together. “We stay busy.”

“So what’s on the agenda tonight?” you piped up, changing the subject.

You were hoping to avoid swapping monster stories for a night. Charlie typically assumed the role of introducing you to popular and noteworthy fandoms during her visits to the bunker and, even if the boys weren’t as vocal, the three of you appreciated her knowledge of all things geeky and nerdy. 

“I was thinking Marvel. Y/N, you’re obviously well-versed in the MCU because of your obsession with Steve Rogers--and, you know, clearly you’ve got a thing for the strong, righteous, self-sacrificing hero type. Dean, you could stand to branch out from the Batman references and, Sam, you’ve got this whole Thor kind of vibe going on.”

While Sam and Dean began teasing each other and arguing over “Batman versus Thor,” you gaped at Charlie, wondering what she’d meant by her remark about you having a “type.” You couldn’t help feeling like she was trying to insinuate something, but you shrugged it off and decided maybe it was all in your head.

***

After getting Charlie settled into one of the extra bedrooms, the four of you settled into the Dean Cave and agreed to start with the first Captain America movie. 

Last Christmas, you and Sam had teamed up to surprise Dean with a couch for the Dean Cave. He had originally only had two La-Z-boy recliners and you’d found him fast asleep in the stiff old chairs on more than one occasion. Dean had been over the moon about the extra seating and the three of you had rearranged the furniture so the recliners were angled toward the tv on either side of the couch.

“Dibs on this side of the couch!” Charlie said, diving toward the furthest end from the door.

Although it was subtle, you knew there was still something off about the way Charlie studied all of you. There was definitely something on her mind she was trying to keep hidden from all of you.

“You know, we should probably have some snacks,” you said slowly. “Charlie, you want to come help me grab some stuff from the kitchen?”

“But I’m already comfy in my spot.” She frowned, wiggling her hips to make a point of sinking deeper into the spot she’d claimed on the couch. “Why don’t you have Dean help you?”

When you narrowed your eyes suspiciously, Sam cleared his throat. “Dean, why don’t I help you grab some snacks while Y/N and Charlie...catch up, er, whatever…”

You heard the boys leave the room and waited until their footsteps faded down the hall before you started interrogating her.

“Alright, Charlie--what the hell is going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” she muttered, scrolling through her phone.

“Bull. We lie for a living and I know there’s something you’re not telling us. So spill.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “Okay, so remember the Supernatural books by Carver Edlund?”

“Yeah…”

“The series obviously kind of had a cult following when it was in print, right? Well ever since the unpublished works got uploaded, the following has really taken off. Every once in a while a new one still pops up and the fans love them. And you’re in them now too!”

“I’m...what?”

“I mean it’s just insane and totally got sucked into it too. It’s brought on this whole new wave of fanfiction--”

“What’s fanfiction?” you cut in, struggling to keep up.

“It’s fiction made by the fans about the series. Sometimes they put themselves in the stories and write about working cases and fighting monsters with you guys--”

“Why would anyone want to pretend to do this crap with their lives?”

She stared at you for a moment and frowned. “Because you guys are heroes. I mean, yeah, there’s the whole depressing side of monsters and death and trauma and world-ending apocalypses--but you guys save people. You go on these exciting adventures of good versus evil and a lot of times you win. You save people. The fans really look up to all of you.”

Your gaze fell to the floor as you let her words sink in, but she didn’t give you long before she was rambling again.

“But that’s not even the best part! Everyone ships different OTPs--” she paused, noticing your puzzled expression “--uh, one true pairing… So everyone has a favorite couple they think are soulmates and belong together. There’s stories about Sam with Eileen or Jess, Dean with different people--you get the gist. Sometimes they even make up characters or do these ‘reader inserts’ and imagine themselves with the boys or you but, hands down, everyone’s favorite couple they want to end up together is you and Dean.”

“...what?” 

Your eyes grew wide. It was hard enough to wrap your mind around the fact that strangers who didn’t know you were a real person were reading about your life, but learning they imagined you in different relationships? You’d never admit it out loud, but had it bad for Dean. And hearing you weren’t the only one that wanted the two of you together...

“I’ve gone deep into the fic and I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner!” Charlie shook you from your thoughts. “You and Dean are perfect for each other. For serious. I usually stick to the fluffy stuff because, you know, your entire life is kind of angsty and I don’t like to read about you guys being in pain or, like, dying...again. Although I definitely have to admit I kind of stumbled into some of the smutty stuff and, wow, that was something else.”

You opened your mouth to ask more questions, but she kept rolling.

“Right, you probably don’t know what that means either. Fluff is the cute stuff that gives us all feels, angst is kind of just what it sounds like, and smut is, well...the sexy stuff.”

“You mean people out there in the world write about me and Dean…”

“Going at it like an episode of Game of Thrones? Oh yeah,” she responded, unlocking her phone. “Here. Here’s an example.”

Swallowing audibly, you took a seat next to her on the couch as she extended her phone toward you. Gnawing your bottom lip, you began reading the words on the screen:

Y/N took a deep breath, holding it in briefly before she exhaled and began walking toward Dean’s room. Ever since they returned from the hunt, Dean had hidden himself away in his room--no doubt blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong.

When she arrived at his door, she raised her hand to knock. She hesitated, almost retreating at the thought of him turning her away, but she had to try. She had to get through to him somehow.

She rapped her knuckles on the raw umber barrier and opened the door of Room 11 before he could tell her to go away. 

She spotted him leaning over the sink, staring at his reflection in the medicine cabinet on the wall. His jade eyes flickered to where she stood in the doorway, their reflection somewhat distorted by cracks that spiderwebbed from where he had struck the mirror.

Her heart seemed to drop into her stomach as she imagined him lashing out, knowing he punched the mirror because he hated the reflection staring back at him. Knowing he always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders when he didn’t need to.

Y/N carefully shut the door and locked it behind her--the click of the deadbolt deafening in the silence. Her eyes never left Dean, who refused to turn and face her. She inched toward him, closing the distance until she could reach out and touch him. Gently placing her hand on his shoulder, she guided him to turn away from the mirror. Still, he refused to meet her eyes.

“Dean…” she breathed, voice barely above a whisper as she cupped his face in her hands. “It’s not your fault.”

He squeezed his eyes closed, face contorting with grief and guilt. The ghosts of his past refused to let him go, but she was determined to make him believe that he was worthy, no matter the cost.

Curling a finger beneath his chin, she tilted his head up, waiting patiently for him to meet her gaze. When his dark green orbs finally met hers, she was surprised to see that they were full of longing and desire. They flickered to her lips, making her breath tremble under the intensity of his gaze. Time seemed to slow until it froze altogether.

Anticipation hung heavy in the air as they both struggled against their desire to maintain the friendship they’d always had and the desperate need to finally cross that line. To succumb to the magnetic pull that had always been evident between the two of them.

Dean swallowed thickly before suddenly rushing forward, crashing his lips to Y/N’s as he pulled her into a searing kiss. He wrapped his strong arms around her, trapping her to his chest, afraid it was all a dream and she would soon disappear. But she gladly melted into his embrace, feeling like she was finally returning home, to a place she’d spent her life searching for.

A moan slipped past her lips as he walked her backward, pressing her up against the wall. She gasped, feeling his--

“The snacks have arrived!”

You jumped in surprise, a small gasp of surprise escaping as the boys appeared with armloads of snacks. Confusion and worry painted Dean’s face as he surveyed your flustered expression. Between his scrutinizing gaze and the content you’d practically been caught reading, your cheeks grew warm. 

“Did I miss something?” Dean asked.

“Nope,” you responded much too quickly.

Charlie’s phone had fallen into your lap and, when she began cackling, you whipped your head in her direction and flung the phone at her thigh. You grimaced and the two of you had your own silent conversation as the boys spread the food across the bar Dean had built on the far wall.

“I was just telling Y/N how pumped I am about seeing my favorite OTP tonight,” she giggled.

“Your...what?”

Dean’s arm brushed yours as he plopped down on the other side of you. The accidental contact sent a wave of chills over your skin, making you shudder. You could feel his eyes on you again, but you refused to look at him.

“Oh, I’m so going down with this ship,” Charlie whispered under her breath before continuing in a louder voice. “Nothing--nevermind! Don’t mind me, just thinking out loud...”

“It says here an OTP means...one true pairing?” Your eyes grew wide as you looked to where Sam was reading his phone from where he sat in one of the recliners. “So, uh, ‘in the fandom realm, OTP refers to the coupling of characters--usually from the sci-fi or fantasy genres--by fans who think they make a great romantic duo and envision their lives together and share their imaginings with other fans.’”*

Charlie doubled over, beside herself with laughter. With your lips pressed into a firm line, you glanced at the boys to gauge their reactions. You knew there was no way they could possibly know what you and Charlie had been talking about, but that didn’t stop you from worrying about what Dean might think if he ever found out about the feelings you harbored for him. 

“So...you’re looking forward to Cap and his girl in the movie? I’m so freaking confused,” Dean grumbled.

“Yeah…” Sam agreed, making his way to the tv. “I’m just, uh...I’m gonna start the movie now.” 

“Good idea.” Charlie peered at you out of the corner of her eye. “Plenty of time to read and talk about all those ships later.”

Although you glared at her, trying to hide your amusement, nothing could deter the smug smile etched upon her face. As Sam turned the lights off and you settled in for another relaxing night with your favorite people, one thing was certain:

You were definitely going to have to take another look at that fanfiction.

CarryOnCap Crew (Forevers):

@abswritesfandoms​  @amanda-teaches​  @cosicas-cuquis​  @crist1216​  @droidyouseek​  @emoryhemsworth​  @ericaprice2008​  @flawless-disaster​  @janeyboo​  @jenn0755​  @ksgeekgirl​  @maresmiley​  @memyselfandmaddox​  @notyourtypicalrose​  @randomparanoid​  @rynabarnesrogers​  @sandlee44​  @scarletsoldierrr​  @shann-the-artist-moon​  @sheerioasteroidpanda​  @shynara51​  @someday-when-you-leave-me​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​  @torntaltos​  @waywardbaby​  @waywardrose13​  @weebid​  @whimsicalrobots​  @wintersoldierbaby​  @wintersoldierissucharide  @yesfanficsaremylife​

Cap’s SPN Crew:

@adoptdontshoppets​  @akshi8278​  @alexwinchester23​  @chevyharvelle​  @deangirl7695​  @dean-winchesters-bacon​  @fandomoniumflurry​  @pisces-cutie​  @supernaturalenchanted​  @superromijn​  @waywardnerd67​  @x-waywardaf-x​

[peeterparkr]

The Holiday.|Tom Holland

chapter one: The Prince and the Pauper. (Pauper.)

↳ read Sophia’s version here and a little bit of Tom. (Tim fic)

So, the christmas series is finally here! This is a 2 fics in one, meaning I’ll write Tom’s fic and @jambrosemc will write a Tim Chalamet fic, if you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s based on the movie The Holiday, where two women after being heartbroken switch their homes and lives for a bit. Both fics are reader insert, however Emma’s character will be named Sophia in this fic and my character will be named Iris in her fic. Remember the fics are connected and that Tom’s introduction is held in @jambrosemc​ ‘s fic. And so Tim’s introduction is here. Hope it’s not complicated and we hope you love it. 

STORY SUMMARY:  Two women troubled with guy-problems, one who’s in love with love and one who doesn’t believe in it are both suffering from a broken heart, with little reasoning and nothing left to lose, they swap homes in each other's countries for the holidays, where they’ll meet a local guy who will probably change their destiny. 

chapter summary: The heartbreak of an unrequited lover. pairing: tom holland x y/n | warnings: Chad, mentions of sex, alcohol, mentions of cheating.  word count: 7.2k

story masterlist. 

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There is something unequivocally  known about love, everything that’s been said about it, is almost true. We’ve been bombarded with love songs, romantic comedies, romance novels, poetry, it’s everywhere. There can never be enough love songs, because no matter how incredible it never seems to be the same, you’ll never see two pieces that are identical, some of them are similar, of course, but they all speak from a very deep side of Love.  Love isn’t one thing that is written down, not an exact science. There’s no right formula to whatever love is. But every single thing written about love might be true, at least to someone. Love is something so personal and yet we can all relate to it, but then again there’s never two loves that will feel the same. There can be two love stories starting at the same time but you’ll never feel like it’s the same. But everytime someone dares to write or speak or sing about love, it’s most likely to be true. Or so you’ve learned throughout the years.

In Romeo and Juliet,  Romeo asked himself ‘Did my heart love till now?’, and there's common sense to it, we’ve all felt that…We’ve all wondered if you’ve known love before you met the one.  You believed you had, you thought you had it all figured out. How much can one learn about love? We’ve all felt it. At some point, or another. You had. It’s incredibly easy to understand that though love is unique in its own sense, love is universal.

You did believe that everything concerning love was true. Shakespeare also said, "Journeys end when lovers meet."

Was it true? You loved to rely on that thought, that we were meant to travel until we found the one. That two people are destined to meet in the middle and start a new one together.

You loved to think about love more than anyone did, you were hopeless. It’s incredibly complex, and subtle and it’s got the power to change someone, and a story, completely. Love is not easy.

Love is also blind, you, perfectly,  knew about that. It was smart to know that you’d been blinded yourself.

Love fades. Love is lost. Love is complicated. Love can be something eternal, or love can only last for a night.

Then, there was the one love you knew, the one you’d been living for a while. Unrequited love. No one really talks about that one. All love stories rely on the fact that the two lovers will end up together. But the unrequited love? No, no one dares to write about it. Maybe because they’re too sad in their sorrow to even think of that. You always wondered what would be of that story if someone ever dared to write it. And what’s the destiny awaiting for them?

Always the bad luck, the ones with the blinded reason, but always foreign to that one feeling of joy. Always wounded, and always left when the sun is out. The handicapped of hearts.

You were one, you were one of them, the one who is in love with that one guy who never dares to love back.

It gets even worse around the Holidays, everyone speaks of it. It’s everywhere. You go to the mall and see people buying gifts for their significant others, you turn the TV on and there’s the usual bad romantic films that you ended up watching, always the same, the girl goes from the big city back to her old town and her high school sweetheart is in love with her still, all while there’s an angel or Santa Claus, or whatever they come up this time, and she finds herself falling back in love with her old town, and she’s a painter or whatever and she lets go her dream of the big city to go back to her pathetic love interest.

Yet you always watched them, curled up in front of your TV with the candy that you were supposed to give out on Halloween but instead kept them for Christmas.

That was you, a hopeless romantic who was desperate for love.

You were there, wrapping a delicate christmas present that probably was not wanted but that you were too blinded and too stupid to see that. Also trying to wrap your own mind whether you’d give this out or not.

You were pathetic, and there he was in all his splendor. Chad.

Of course, maybe that’s what you get for being in love with a man named Chad, but he didn’t live up to his name. He was handsome, and incredibly perfect, and you were always so mesmerized by him. You had been in love with him for three years now, three miserable years. And honestly it’s been the worst years of your life, worst birthday, christmases, Halloween, New Years Eve’s that needed wine and Xanax. The biggest curse. All because you’re in love with a man who’s never and will never ever love you back.

He probably wasn’t conventionally good looking, not for most girls around anyway, but he had a confidence and a sly sexuality that could get you to your knees in the blink of an eye.

“Y/N, dear, please tell me you’re not deeply lost looking at Chad?” Angela, your coworker and probably closest thing to a friend asked.

“What?” You were snapped out of your trance. “No, no!” Though you had been.

The holidays party at the newspaper you worked at. You wrote the only good news, you’d say, the column of UNIONS, when you described marriages and gave the couples a little bit of spotlight to their recent and new found joy. You wanted to write way more than that, honestly, but you didn’t mind. Though you knew you were probably wasted potential. Potential, everyone said you had it.

“I thought that was over,” Angela pointed out.

“It is! It is—“You tried to say. “It—is, mostly.”

Angela rolled her eyes, “thought so,” she snapped. “What even was the deal with you two? You used to fuck him right?”

“I—“you coughed. “Yeah, I used to sleep with him, but more importantly I was in love with him.”

Still were, for that matter.

“Oh, great, and then—you discovered he was fucking that other girl in accounting, Denise.”

“Yes, I did find out and hence why I stopped… sleeping with him,” you whispered, embarrassed. “And I don’t want to talk about this at the party.”

“But like I always see you two together, so he cheats on you and you keep being friends with him?” Angela pushed to your own disarray. “Plus, I’m like 300% sure you’re the one who writes the articles for him, he hasn’t one ounce of talent and you do.”

You did write his stuff. But couldn’t get anywhere yourself.

“I well-”

“And he cheated, y/n.”

“Yes but he didn’t cheat, you see in his mind we weren’t in a relationship and we were in mine… but like—“

“So if you’re not in a relationship that means you have to expect he’s going to fuck other women?” She pointed out.

“I—“ you didn’t know what to say. “No, no, I mean—but I was so in love with him, but—“Somehow this had opened a gate that you hadn’t opened in a while. “Wait—No, no I can’t cry,” you said to yourself feeling like there was going to be a cascade pooling your eyes. “Does it look like I’m crying?”

“Y/n, maybe—Look,” she wiped off a tear, I—“She coughed. “Did he ever say he loved you?”

“I—yes, three times.” You had counted them. “When I reminded him of that he said it must've been a  question and it most certainly was not.”

“You see y/n, when you catch a man fucking another woman you’re not supposed to remain friends with him, you’re supposed to make a scene, threaten to chop off his dick, throw things at him, like I did with your brother.”

You rolled your eyes, “Tim didn’t cheat on you,” you said. “You slept with him once, didn’t talk to each other for like a month and he found someone else and you made a scene.”

You knew your brother was many things but he wasn’t a cheater, he was not a bad person. Tim was someone with enough confidence to know what he wanted and sure, he did find a one night love with strangers every now and then, but he wasn’t a bad person. He probably was too confused. He’s the typical man who is afraid of commitment and has no follow through.

He never fell in love, that wasn’t his thing. The opposite of you, who fell in love deeply. Tim never—wanted any commitment. He could have a one night stand and never follow through.

“But—you see that’s what you’re supposed to do,” Angela continued.

“But I’m not doing anything, we just—text,” you admitted with pity, “and sometimes we FaceTime but like that’s it, and we’ve gone out for lunch and look, he says we’d be idiots to give up our friendship but—“You couldn’t continue.

“Fucking men, they’re trash, all of them, he’s got you right where he wants you, who wouldn't want a fantastic girl like you in love with him ... hanging on his every word …?” She asked. “Chad knows anytime he wants to crawl back …”

“And he is… Look, today he—he said we should go out and he gave me a Christmas present.”

“Which was?”

“A set of lingerie but—“

“Oh my god y/n,” she snapped. “I can’t believe how pathetic you are.”

“Is it pathetic really? To think the world is near perfection every time I’m with him?”

Angela rolled her eyes. “Very. It’s...Chad.”

“I… is it wrong, really? I just want to be loved.”

“And you chose Chad?”

Before you could say anything, your boss called out. “Everybody gather around. I have an important announcement to make,” your boss said. “First of all you, I want to wish each and every one of you a Merry  Christmas. It’s been a year, hasn’t it? I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished,”he kept rambling on their achievements or whatsoever they had done throughout the year, you couldn’t care less. “Given that, we may be able to get by with a smaller announcement—Which involves y/n—y/n? Are you there?”

Angela raised your hand.

“Well y/n your column on weddings has been lovely,” he said.

Was it though?

“And—Well, a wedding was privately announced earlier, and I don’t think any other paper in town knows about it and I want you to be the first to report on this particular union,   as it is between two of our most esteemed colleagues got hitched! Bring a loud cheer for Chad Bloom and Denise Higgins!”

Boom.

It all felt...no.

You tried desperately not to cry. Everyone could see you there. Were you dreaming? This was a nightmare.

You didn’t know how you got the guts to get out of that office without crying. You’ve never felt braver before, but you had to give the politest of smiles to Chad and everyone around to then proceed to get your coat and head home. How pathetic did you look in your car crying to a guy who definitely was going to do that.

This felt like a nightmare. The love of your life was engaged.  And you couldn’t do anything about it. Because you didn’t believe in multiple loves, only one, love wouldn’t come again and knock on your door. This was it, you were destined to be lonely and stay lonely. This was your very worst nightmare, all that time wasted upon and there was nothing you could do about it.

It hurt, your heart was wrenched. You’d open the Halloween candy sooner, and you’d bought ice cream, three pints of ice cream.

Just a week before he had given you the set of lingerie and said he was eager to see you wearing it. Honestly, you had lied to Angela. You had seen him a couple of times, and sooner or later you’d end up in between the sheets because you had absolutely no self control when it came to him. He knew how to press your buttons and where to touch you and he’d try to charm you each time and you’d end up falling for it. He’d say that he’d changed and that he always believed in you.

Honestly, you always fell for it because you thought you were both destined to be in love.

But now it was all gone, you’d lost him. He was going to marry someone else.

This probably was the lowest point in your life, it really was. Because it was so stupid to fall in love with someone who was just going to step on you, and you needed someone. Time was passing by, it was getting darker and night was only drowning you more. You needed someone to talk to, who’d listen. But someone who wouldn’t judge you just as bad or who couldn’t judge you as bad.

You were getting tired of crying but you couldn’t help it. You felt insignificant and as small as humanly possible. So very crushed.

You called your brother, because though he probably would judge you, and he’d probably not care, he was kind of forced to listen because you were relatives and you did help him from time to time. Lately more than you wanted to.

“Y/N—?” Tim answered, and you could hear there was music playing behind him. Of course he’d be awake in the middle of the night. He probably was out clubbing.

“Tim—I need—I’m not okay,” you admitted.

“Y/N I can’t really—“he laughed in between. “Hear you.”

“Chad is engaged!” You said louder.

He laughed. “Chad, what a stupid name.”

“Tim I’m serious!” She stated.

“How serious can this be his name is Chad!” Tim giggled. He was clearly drunk.

“Tim! I—He’s engaged I—I can’t believe it just a week ago he said he—“

“We’ve both known Chad is an asshole y/n, his name is Chad for fuck’s sake,” Tim pushed. “We both—I thought you were over him.”

“I… well.”

“Fuckin’ hell, y/n.”

“I’m never gonna love again,” you stated.

He scoffed. “Love doesn’t exist, y/n,” he stated. “Not for someone named Chad.”

“Stop.”

“He—“Tim sighed. “Look, we both knew he was an idiot, and we both knew he was going to break your heart and—He already had! May I remind you of that? He cheated on you!” He stated. “He is an asshole who doesn’t deserve any of your tears and I’m a hundred percent sure you are crying.”

You were, for that matter. Love for you was also always shedding tears.Sad tears. Love hurts. “I love him.”

“And I love this vodka on my hand,” he stated. “That—means nothing, okay?”

“You’ve never been in love,” she snapped. “You don’t know how it feels to have your love taken away—“

“Don’t go there, y/n.”

“I—I just—I can’t—“

“Y/N you need a break,” Tim said without really caring. “I’ll call you back later alright? I’m busy.”

A break.

Yes, that’s exactly what you needed. A break from your stupid and pathetic life, a break from your little fantasy. A break from Chad. Honestly, you were tired of it. Always having the worst of luck. You needed a break from men, though you barely had… Being completely honest, it only takes one man to lose faith in humanity. They hold that power.

You knew what love was and well, you’d never have it. You were destined to be the side character, the best friend and the one plot device. Not relevant.

Because honestly how stupid were you.

But was it really so bad to feel that way? To long for love, for someone who would run to you, and whom you could fall so deeply with. Guess now you had to build up walls. Because now you couldn’t get nobody else to hurt you again, nobody was worth this pain. Nobody should ever feel this way. You never wanted to let anyone hurt you again.

Honestly, you so needed a break.  But where and how?

You couldn’t stay in your place, it held too many memories, lots of them of you being stupid with Chad because you were such an idiot for letting him in your house and corrupt your place. You needed a break because everything would remind you of him, your car, his car, his house, this town, everything. Also your place was too sad.

You could go away. You had to, because you couldn’t let yourself drown in more sorrow. You were so unbelievably tired of it.

You had to go. Away from him, away from this place and your stupid house. Hell, if you could, you’d go to another country.

You rang Timmy again.

“What- y/n?”

“Where should I go?”

“What?”

“Yes on vacation,” you added.

“How do I-I don’t know, fuck it eh, oh wherever they speak English, bye.” He hung up on you again.

Where did they speak English?

England, of course.

Hell, maybe that’s why Chad didn’t love you, you were stupid, probably. England. London. You’d always wanted to go there. Anywhere really, but you never went anywhere because you were still waiting on Chad. Jesus, how much time did you spend wasting on that man?

England.

You opened up your laptop, ready for it. You needed to get away and not waste the holidays watching old and bad Hallmark movies eating ice cream by yourself. Or maybe yes, just far away from your own house.

Airbnb.

You went straight to London, it always seemed like a dream, besides it could work. And you scrolled through houses, big ones, small ones.

Then you found one. ‘Cozy, lovely place above a bookshop’. It did call your mind, it gave the idea of a perfect fantasy, it seemed nice enough.

And far, very far. And so different from whatever her fantasy with Chad had been, what was his thing? Island in the Caribbean.

You kept reading.

“In the other direction, the Bayswater Road will take you to Notting Hill (location of the Julia Roberts/ Hugh Grant film of the same name) and its fantastic local restaurants and bars, boutique shops, and the famous Portobello Road Market.”

That caught your mind. It seemed… perfect but to live with that fantasy of yours to live in a stupid romcom. Could it be?

No, no. You had to go in with the idea that no matter how romantic, you had bad luck and not even such a romantic place would make you have someone to love. You were really supposed to be always lonely. But the idea… of leaving did thrill you.

You didn’t think much of it, but the next morning, you still had that thought roaming in your mind, and eventually… you tried to reach out. It had closed, however. But you had saved the ad.

Sophia.

That was her name.

Hey! I’m interested in your house! That seemed too weird. Besides she had closed it.

You decided to reach out anyway.

“Hey, I was interested in your house! I don’t know if someone else rented it but I thought it was worth the shot. Is it still available? I’m sorry if it’s not. I just really liked your place! It’s okay if it’s not! Sorry! Thank you!” You sent it in. Wondering if you’d apologized just enough times.

You knew she’d probably not respond.

“Oh, sorry! I was renting it because I was planning to go on holiday with my boyfriend but plans changed. We broke up recently so I won’t be going anymore,” she answered.  That had been quick. Lucky she was online but the place was no longer available.

This was your bad luck only. Of course she wasn’t going to rent it. The dream seemed too far away. But… she had just broken up, she probably was feeling awful.

“Oh, I’m sorry!  why did you break up with him?” You asked.

Then read again what you’d just asked. What was wrong with you? This was a stranger. They didn’t need to give any explanation.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to answer that. I don’t know why I asked.” You added.

She was typing. “No, don’t worry! I guess it’s pretty complicated but long story short, he cheated on me.”

Been there, you thought to yourself. But probably at least most likely she was dating him and they were in a relationship not like you with your stupid “whatsoevership” with Chad.

“Men are trash,” you texted her.

“To say the least,” she answered.

You bit your lip. You knew you had to open up to. Well you didn’t have to, but you… felt the need to.

“I’m really sorry, I know how it feels. I was actually looking at your place to escape from a man myself. The love of my life, Chad, just got engaged.”

As soon as you sent it you saw how stupid you looked. You were absolutely pathetic.

“Chad?” Sophia asked.

You chuckled. You could see the smirk from the other side.

“I know. It’s my fault for falling in love with a Chad. Lives up to his stupid name.” Was your response.

It honestly was. But thought it seemed fun to poke on his name, it really didn’t occur to you that it was because of his name that he was an asshole, don’t blame it on a name.

“Well, I’m sorry that “Chad” had to be the love of your life. It sounds like we both need to get away.” Sophia sent.

Yes, you too were sorry.

“Definitely, but I’m gonna keep looking. I need to be at least 500 miles away from him.”

You really were going to keep looking, maybe not as perfect as the place Sophia had but at least go away.

“Maybe we could work something out?” Sophia asked.

Huh.

You grinned before chuckling. “Let’s switch lives like in The Parent Trap, although we’re not twins we’d be switching breakup lives.”

That would be a fun idea, impossible of course but you secretly hoped it could be done.

“Sounds interesting! Where are you from?” She asked.

Was she really up for it or was she just like you? Bored and alone enough to be talking to a stranger you’d met over Airbnb. Some people do tinder, but guessed you did Airbnb to make friends with other women who’d fallen under the sorrow that is falling in love with men.

“Astoria, Oregon. Pretty boring compared to London I guess.” Was your answer. Of course if she was remotely interested on switching before, all hopes would flush now.

“Not at all! All I care is that it’s far from here.” Sophia answered.

Was… it for real?

“Me too.”

You answered in hopes, but not really she’d back away.

“So, should we switch?” She asked.

You stared at the screen, not believing it. You had to make sure. “You’re serious? My place is nothing like yours.”

“Surely it’s not too horrible.”

It wasn’t, honestly. It was pretty. But not exciting, it was only normal. It was clean, it was full of books.

“I have a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room. That's it. And I’m not near a romantic location like yours. I do have a dog, though.”

You didn’t know why you were sabotaging yourself. Matter of habits, maybe.

She didn’t.. Back away. “That’s perfect, I want far away from romance.”

So weird, you wanted to go near something romantic to be reminded love exists, or whatever. You didn’t understand why. Honestly, it probably was only a way to cope with this.

“Well, this is your chance.”

Honestly, this place was everything but romantic.

“Can I ask you one thing?” She asked.

She was going to back away. “Sure.”

“Are there any men in your town?” She asked.

Well, there goes your chance. You had to be honest about it. “Honestly? Zero.”

You waited for the ‘not interested' answer, instead she gave you: “When can I come?”

You scoffed with delight, not believing it. “Tomorrow too soon?” You asked, half-joking only. Honestly, you had to get away now.

“Tomorrow’s perfect actually.”

You couldn’t believe it. “wait wait wait but like are you for real?”

“Absolutely, or would it be too crazy?”

It ws for that matter, but when you’re brokenhearted you have no common sense. You didn’t have one of your own, that is. But this was exciting and this seemed like an adventure. A great idea for the one book you’d promised yourself you’d end up writing one day, instead of writing every other article for Chad.

You thought about it, you really wanted to go through with it. “It is but I’m down for it, but like, okay do you want pics of my home or something so you don’t think I’m a creepy old man who might kidnap you?”

And that would bring less of suspicion, god, why were you like this?

“Umm, yes actually :) that would be great.”

Yeah, she’d say that.

“Okay, wait, want my phone number so we’re not talking over air bnb?”

“Yes, I feel like that might be better.”

What was going on? Why were you exchanging numbers with a girl who you had never met and who lived in a completely different country. Besides, it was even crazier to think you btoh were thinking about switching places. You were crazy, completely off reason. Yet you didn’t know how or why you ended up both texting more, and talking. Showing each other’s places and ranting about men.

You couldn’t blame her for not believing in love, of course she wouldn’t. The ne guy she gives her heart to cheated on her. You wouldn’t blame her, at all. Besides, it was just…

You both had a very different version of it, but it was… Different. Yes, different, you guessed there was no other way to put it into it.

The texting didn’t cease, it continued more than you ever thought it would. Because sometimes it’s easier to rant to a stranger about life and love’s misfortunes. It seemed incredibly stupid how you both were talking about men who decided to ruin your lives. How in this world had you ended up venting to a stranger?

Danny blamed it on her. Danny seemed like the typical male who wanted to have a girlfriend and well, there was Sophia. It seemed sad, seemed like they both settled for it. Not even Sophia seemed to talk about him with love. She was just so… Not into it. Just talking about someone who she used to share time with.

She had given up on it. You couldn’t understand that. If the one who wasn’t the one could make her happy at some point, how happy would she be with the one?

However, you both seemed very alike, and both of you probably were in the same situation. Well, of course, the cheating part was different. But you’d gone through it as well. But Sophia explained that Danny, her ex, hadn’t even felt sorry for cheating.

You knew that story like the palm of your hand. Chad well… He blamed it on you, too. And he had said it, he didn’t cheat.

And though the stories were so different, the feeling was the same, of wanting to take a break from your pain, from a heartache and being so damn unreasonable to think of this. Honestly, though the idea of London seemed romantic, you knew you’d end up curled up crying on the other side of the world.

Sophia seemed to be very well put together, she had her bookshop, which added to her life. And sure, she seemed like a workaholic but she seemed to be kind. Someone who had the guts to follow her dreams and someone who barely had time to think about love.

You wished you were a bit more like her. She seemed like a main character. Even her name was a main character one.

The texting, not sure how or when, turned into a facetime call, and there you were, facetiming with a stranger about the lack of love you’d been involved with.  You pitied her, though. Not in a bad way, but in a way you could completely understand what she was going through. She seemed tough enough. But for her, love had rules. It had to be a certain way, and life had to have a certain balance and everything had to be merely perfect. But love for her was simple, the only rule was not to cheat.

Danny, her ex, had broken that rule. Which honestly, from what you’d gathered she was someone who actually tried. But… No, Sophia had seen him fade out. It always scared you to see that, to see how someone falls out of love. Sophia had seen it. But maybe Sophia’s belief, or lack of, of love was just… Surreal. But you understood it, not completely. But you did.

How could she believe in love when she’d never had it? Truly had it.

And she spoke of love as if it was a disease. Maybe it was, a disease. But was love really the disease or the aftermath the true one?

She didn’t believe in love. And not in a way that everyone has gone through, not in the way when you’re so brokenhearted that you don’t believe in it for a while. No, she didn’t want to give it a chance. For her, life was supposed to be about her success and her job, and the thrill of owning a bookshop.

Maybe she was the one who was right, after all you'd proved that love only could hurt. And how could you, after all of this, believe in it?

“So how long were you with him?” You asked her, as you were pacing around your kitchen, honestly you didn’t care if a complete stranger was seeing you in your ‘Chad reaction’, the bottle of wine, the chips, the cookies, your pj’s. Your pug dog, Tommy following you around.

Yet she was there, so elegantly, with her glass of wine. How was she handling it so well?

She gave it a thought. “About four years. What about you? How long have you loved Chad?” She smirked at the thought.

Four years. It seemed… enough. You rolled your eyes at the mention of his name. “Oh god it does sound super stupid,” you groaned. “But… Three stupid and miserable years, it’s a low point,” you said before finally opening up the wine and pouring a glass.

“No, it’s not stupid,” she answered. But it was, his name was Chad. “But, I can imagine how it would be a low point.”

Very, very low point. “But like you told me—He blamed it on you?” You couldn’t put your mind to it, at least Chad had accepted he’d slept with Denise. Of course, he didn’t say he cheated but he hadn’t… blamed it on you.

“He did,” she admitted. “He said I worked too much, and that I didn’t give him enough attention.”

You clenched your jaw, incredulous of how stupid he was. If you met the guy you’d probably slap him. “Fuck him, honestly, you’re successful bet he was intimidated by your success.” Because that’s how men work.

Sophia sighed. “Hmm, I doubt it. He just seemed… “ She paused. “bored of me.” You could see she was hurt. “I mean, he was right about one thing. I do spend most of my time at work, but that doesn’t give him any right to do that.”

“No. it doesn’t,” you agreed as you plopped on your couch, your dog jumping to your lap .” Why—Why are men—Like—”You didn’t know what you wanted to ask. “No, never mind that’s my question,” and it was. “Why are men?”

She let out a soft laugh. “Why are men indeed. More specifically, why is Chad?” She joked.

You laughed, too, with distress, running a hand through your face. “Ugh, don’t even mention him,” you whined. “He’s an asshole, can you imagine just a week ago he wanted to sleep with me?” You snaked with disbelief.

She groaned. “What I really have trouble understanding is why you ever wanted to sleep with him.” You had the question backwards, why had he ever looked at you? “Maybe his personality, but he seems like such a wad.”

You didn’t know how to answer the question. Then again, you had the same question for her. Why Danny? Why, being such an incredible woman, had she chosen Danny? Love is blind. You’d learned that over the years.

Maybe because ‘Danny and Sophia’ sounded like something with balance. But did it really? How could she see it so simply?

“Look—I—” You took a deep breath. “I believe in love at first sight,” and you did, in your own way. “and I don’t know, I guess—I saw the fantasy, you know?” You explained. “Thought we could—I don’t know, he was charming,” because he had been, at very first, he had been charming and he’d learned how to make you fall in love with him. “I guess I wanted that, you know the whole love story,” you sounded so childish and stupid but how could anyone ever apologize for being in love. “And he made me believe he could give it to me and then he just never—”You had to face the truth. “He only wanted sex and I fell in love,” it all ended so simply. Maybe Sophia was right all along. “Pathetic right?”

She watched you, and you saw it, the pity in her eyes. Yet someone else feeling sad for you.  She probably did think you were pathetic. “No, I don’t think it’s pathetic… I think… well, I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t worth any cost,” she answered. “Not really, especially since it doesn’t even seem real.” You wondered again, how come she’d never felt it. “Love makes people get their hopes up. It makes us… give too much of ourselves to other people, when we don’t even know what our future with them looks like,” she explained. Yes you were probably a mental woman to her. “But I don’t think it’s pathetic that you wanted to believe in something that only seems to come from fairytales, I just think that’s what most people do.”

How bad is it to want a fairytale? “Love is worth it, though,” you said, because how come a beautiful feeling could carry so much pain. “It’s men who are the problem.”

She grinned, defeatedly. “Suppose you got me there…”

You had to ask though. “But you... like really don’t believe in love?” You asked. “Then why were you with Danny? Didn’t you love him?”

She grimaced and took a sip of her wine. “You know,” she paused to think a bit. “I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me.” You understood that part, believing someone loves you back and then it turns out they didn’t… Well, it hurt. “But, I guess he just…”She probably didn’t understand it herself. “And it just made me realize that, even if love is real, it comes so rarely that I don't believe I would ever find it.” That you could understand, though you were so enthusiastic about the feeling, you knew you weren’t meant to find it. “I just don’t think most people do.” She watched you, curiously. “Why have you put so much into it if you were hurt?”

It was an escape, really. Love seemed to make people happy and you wanted to be happy. She reminded you so much of Tim, talking trash about love and not understanding the thrill for it. Being so done with the feeling.

“I think… I dunno, love isn’t a one time thing,” you started with that, because it was true. “I think the problem is I suffered from unrequited love, but I think I… I dunno, I think we get chances,” you said. “Not me though,” you scoffed. “but it’s… I don’t know, I think I’ve always read about love and I’ve always wanted that, and love is complicated, that’s it,” you said, because love could come in so many ways. “I don’t think you can easily-“You shook your head. “I mean I do believe in a sort of thing like love at first sight but I mean, I believe in second chances, but like not for everyone,” seemed like believed in second chances for Chad. “ I guess I… I think there is such a thing as love I’m just… “ you took a deep breath. “super unlucky and maybe that sweet fantasy of any Julia Roberts’ romcom isn’t for me, I’m destined to be a side character who gets no… attention.” Or love.

Sophia probably believed you were helpless. You were. “Oh, come on Iris, that’s not true,” it was easy for her to say. She was the main character. “I mean, if you do come here then you’ll have plenty of opportunity to live a Julia Roberts movie. People seem to find this place so thrilling…” Why wouldn’t they. “I don’t seem to know much about love, or to really be the one to talk to about it, though… “ She admitted truthfully. She gave it a thought. “You know, you should talk to my friend, Tom, if you come. I think you’d get along well, he gushes on about love all the time.”

Your dog raised its head as soon as he heard his name. Tom. You smiled and petted him. “It is thrilling I mean, it’s near Notting Hill,” you were excited. “I just need Hugh Grant and that’s it but…”You knew it wouldn’t come. “You might come here and hate on love with my brother, he hates everything related to it.”

He really did. Tim was even worse than her. Tim never, ever had believed in love. He said he didn’t want to bother about it, no commitment, not ever seeing someone twice because why would he? He said it was a waste of time. Shades of gray on love. And he said he didn’t want to risk just to get hurt. He said love was… a mystery he didn’t want to explore. He liked simple things.

“Really? He sounds better than most men already,” she commented.

You laughed. “He’s not.”

If you ever bumped into someone like your brother you’d end up running the other way.

She chuckled. “Aren’t siblings meant to support one another?”

You scoffed. “You’d think that,” you pointed out. “But no, he’s a man,” you stated clearly. “I don’t know who’s worse men who hate love or men who pretend to love love,” you snaked. Probably the second one. “Your friend is probably the second one.”

Men who don’t believe in love at least are direct about it, and the second type they know and try to hurt you.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He seems to really believe in it, maybe more than you. He’s really sweet, typically… “She said. “I mean, he is a man so he has his days”

You heard her…. And then you clicked it. Tom, that friend of hers, he probably was in love with her. “Oh,” you closed your eyes. “Of course…. so… Right, right,” she chuckled. “But you don’t believe in love and...Right, right,” you thought it was ironic. You hadn’t even met the guy but you could tell that he probably was so smitten with her and she didn’t see it. A perfect love story.  Why couldn’t she see it? “Perfect setup, see?” You said. “This town is perfect for you, nothing that has to do with romance. It’s a great way to get away from everything romance.”

She seemed confused, because of course, she didn’t see it, she couldn’t, for that matter. But god, how did she not see it?

“Then I can’t wait to go, really,” she went along. “I mean, it seems perfect for you here, too. You can surround yourself in things to remember the “fantasy” of love again,” she offered. “So, are we really switching tomorrow?”

You couldn’t quite put your mind to it. It had been hours of you speaking with this stranger. And all because you wanted to change lives with a stranger. Were you actually going to go through with it? You wanted to.

“You think there are any flights?” You asked, half joking.

“I’m sure there have to be some. Should we check?” She offered.

You smirked and reached for your laptop, conveniently in front of you. “Definitely.”

You expected her to back up.

“Wonderful.” She hadn't. “How long are we doing this for?”

Forever? You wanted to say. “Uh, depends, holidays are coming soon… “ You pointed you. “So, even though I have no interest in spending Christmas here, what’s your idea?”

Because you didn’t want to spend Christmas with your family and hear that question, because you’d promised you’d bring Chad for Christmas. Why? You didn’t know. Because you were an idiot.

Sophia wrinkled her nose. “Nothing is really keeping me here for it, honestly.”

“I’m just-- you’re okay with dogs, right?” You asked as you pointed the camera at your puppy, honestly you had lied, Tommy was the love of your life. A young pug who loved to follow you around. “Because little Tommy here is going to miss me.”

She smiled at him. “I’d love to take care of… did you say…”She tried not to laugh. “l-little Tommy?”

You grinned as you hugged the dog close. “Yeah, his name is Tom. He’s the only male that matters.”

“Oh, I love that. I would love to trade Tom’s with you,” she chuckled.

Oh god, why didn’t she see it?

“As long as I don’t have to feed that one,” you chuckled.

“I do hope that you don’t have to, he seems somewhat capable of caring for himself,” she grinned. “Oh, by the way. He’ll be running my shop for me while I’m away, sometimes he stays later for work so if you hear him downstairs don’t worry.”

Of course he was, he was in love with her. You chuckled and then started to actually look for flights. “I probably won’t notice, honestly…” You scrolled through the flights and there was one. “Okay so here’s a flight, can you believe there’s actually one for tomorrow?”

She probably was looking for flights. “I found one too, shockingly enough… Are we really going through with this?”

Were you?

You were excited, scared but excited. “I think we are.”

“Well, alright then… “ She seemed to be rational yet.

“On three then….?” You asked, knowing this decision would probably change your entire life, not sure why. BUt you had a feeling that this was either the worst decision you’d ever made or the best one. This was the so-needed break you needed, you needed to breathe, and this was the perfect way to do so. Yes, this was unplanned and this was mysterious but this was what you needed an irrational decision.

“One…”She started.

“Two…”

“Three!” You said at the same time.

You’d bought the ticket. There was no going back now. You were going to London to a Stranger’s house for the Holidays.

sophia’s version <- REMEMBER TO READ TO KNOW WHAT’S UP WITH TOM. 

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[numberonephantompizza1]

Poppy Fanfic: “Ask Her”

For context: This is a fanfic I wrote in order to join the Poppy Milk dev team and show off my writing skills. Since the callout at the time said we’d need to write a lot of sidequests, I wanted to ask the question of what a Poppy-centered side-quest would be like. I got the idea that it would be from an Asker’s perspective, and everything sort of came naturally after that. Even though I’m on the dev team right now, it’s not canon to Omega Timeline: Poppy’s Story and even has some inaccuracies that contradict canon. With that said, please feel free to read the story below the cut.

---

You noticed something very different inside your room when you woke up. The lights were off and the sun hadn’t yet risen, but there was a certain… aura, coming from your door. You were filled with a certain trepidation, but… you approached it. It was hard to see in the light, but it looked… grey. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stepped through...

...and found about the last person you would’ve expected. The spitting image of Frisk - CORE!Frisk, that was, looking up at you, in the middle of a white void.

“Wh- You’re real?!” you asked, dumbfounded.

“Of course I’m real. Have you been taking all this multiverse stuff for granted? Everything is real somewhere,” Core answered, simply. 

“I… I don’t… and you, me…” you panted, starting to feel a small panic attack coming on.

“Focus,” Core snapped their fingers, grounding you back in reality. Okay, this was happening now.

“Let’s get down to business. Simply: you don’t like me. And I don’t like you. But we BOTH like Poppy. Poppy, my dear, sweet angel… has unfortunately recently come to the realization that Askers ALSO exist in the multiverse. And now she wants to do a ‘meet n’ greet’ with one of her fans. Trust me, I TRIED to talk her out of it, but she can be darn persuasive when she wants to be. And as you’re now realizing, that’s where you come in. 

“I wanna make you a deal. You play along with whatever Poppy wants until she gets bored of this. If you’re on your best behavior - and that means, don’t give her anything bad, don’t tell her anything you KNOW she shouldn’t know, don’t use any magic, and be a general good influence - if you play nice, in exchange, I will allow you to hang out with ANY resident of the Omega Timeline. 

“Want to spend a day full of wacky hijinks with a Papyrus, or even an Underswap Sans? Consider it done. Want to know how Deltarune Chapter 2 plays out ahead of time? I know a Susie with your name on it. Whatever you want, so long as you play by the rules, and don’t ask for anyone obviously ridiculous. So… do we have ourselves a deal?”

You contemplated that offer, and everything that was happening, trying to suppress your inner urge to geek out for just a few moments. The Omega Timeline, Poppy, and all the AU’s you could think of and more were real. And you just got an invitation to visit them.

“Yeah, of course!” you nodded excitedly, though your enthusiasm only seemed to make Core more anxious.

“Don’t make me regret this…” Core sighed, as the whiteness seemed to melt away into a cozy-looking house with wooden floors and lime walls, where you were standing directly outside of a white door. Core seemed to have disappeared.

Technically, there was nothing stopping you from exploring. So you did just that. You walked up to a shelf with some family photos. One was a photo of Poppy, Core, Dusted and Rust all together, in some meadow, looking happy. At least, you assumed Dusted and Rust were happy, they didn’t show up well on camera. There was another photo of Poppy alone, looking somewhat younger than she did on the blog, seated on a chair in a photo that looked far more staged. She held an actual poppy flower in her hand and smiled brightly.

You opened the cabinet doors, curious of what knick-knacks you might find in there. Some crayons, a few random glass cups, some art by 3-year-old Poppy that was so poorly done its meaning was hard to decipher, and a locked box. You reached for the box--

“Getting a bit sidetracked, aren’t we?”

You jolted up, and faced Core behind you. Even though they were child-sized, they crossed their arms with the poise and authority of a stern parent. You laughed anxiously. “Ahahaha… ahaha… ha……..”

“...Strike one.” Core said, and vanished. The meaning of that was all-too clear. Deciding not to dilly dally any longer, you went to the room you suspected to be Poppy’s, and knocked. 

“Just a sec!” Poppy said, and opened the door. She looked up at you, and gasped. “Wow, Granpa really did come through…!” She twirled excitedly. “You must be my adoring fan, aren’t you?” she asked.

You stared down at the girl in stunned silence.

“To be honest, I kinda figured you’d be some gray guy with sunglasses, but that’s kinda silly in hindsight. How you doin’?” She asked that last line in a mock accent as you continued to stare.

“Baby,” you said.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you quickly tried to change the subject. “Yeah, it’s… y’know, it’s great to be here…” You clasped your hands together, biting your lip. You were in an Undertale AU, faced with the AU granddaughter of another AU character. You still weren’t entirely over that. Was this fever dream? Fandom heaven, or fandom hell?

“I know! Once I heard you guys weren’t from the Omega Timeline, I realized I hadn’t met even ONE of my fans… even if you guys are super annoying some of the time.” 

“Uhhh, yeah…” you wondered if you should apologize on behalf of the askers who put Poppy in the hospital that one time. Then again, it seemed kind of awkward, and it might have been best not to bring that up while Core was watching, which was always. Looking down at the cutesy girl, it was almost tempting to pull her into a hug, but you managed to keep your composure. 

“I wanted to do something a little more special than just some sorta interview, though, because you ask me questions all the time anyways,” Poppy said. “Granpa said you’ve never been to the Omega Timeline before, so I wanna give you the big tour!” Poppy went to the door. “I’m gonna be outside when you’re ready!” She left the room.

Seeing the empty room in front of you, you were tempted to snoop again, but you’d learned your lesson after last time. You headed straight out after Poppy.

You couldn’t help but gasp in awe of the serenity of the great outdoors as you were beckoned to it. You’d been outside before, obviously, but everything just looked so… nice. The blue sky, the grassy grounds, the ornate buildings… you’ve seen this place in pixel art and a couple drawings before, but seeing it with your own eyes was another story. And the next thing for you to nearly faint at was seeing the Undertale characters running around, Sanses, Undynes, Frisks, even goat moms. 

Poppy smiled. “...It’s nice, isn’t it? I KNEW taking you on a tour was a good idea.” She smirked. “Now remember, just because this is a meet-up doesn’t mean it’s free, and there WILL be a fee at the end of our ride.”

“...Uh… I left my wallet at home,” you said, patting your pockets, “And I don’t have any, uh... ‘G,’ I think. Unless the G stands for ‘Gratitude,’ amiright?” you did finger guns.

“G stands for Gold,” Poppy corrected you bluntly, unamused. She returned to her chipper attitude just as quickly, though. “Now, let me show you around!” She led you down the street. 

Walking with her, seeing so many versions of your favorite characters in the flesh, walking around… well, the temptation to talk to SOME of them was irresistible, Core be damned. You did resolve not to go too far off-track, but you shared some words with the folks you passed by, Poppy thankfully stopping each time you did. You met two Frisks - one boy, one ambiguous - an Underswap Undyne, a human version of Toriel, and surprisingly, a version of Princess Peach.

You and Poppy approached an elegant fountain, stood upon proudly by a statue of a mustachio’d CORE!Frisk. “This is the Timeline Plaza! It’s sort of the local park, where people meet up to do... stuff. Just hang out. Make a picnic. Play ball. All that good park-y stuff, y’know? And there’s stores in all directions, so it’s pretty good.” She proudly showed off her home to you, with a smile.

You talked to more on the way to the next place. An Inverted Fate Papyrus. A weird Ralsei who said his name was “Noyno.” An Asgore wearing a hoodie, who you assumed was swapped with Sans. (Poppy did scold you a little bit for this, telling you that just because someone has a hoodie you shouldn’t assume they’re swapped. You apologized.)

“This is Grillby’s! One of them, anyways. The nearest one to my house. It’s pretty good if you want an OK burger. Sanses love the place, though. It’s… kind of unhealthy. And a little gross.” Poppy said. “Especially when they just drink… raw… ketchup.”

“Can’t handle a little ketchup?” you smiled mischievously. “We drink it by the gallon back in my universe,” you lied.

“...I really hope you’re joking,” Poppy said, alarmed.

“Am I?” you smiled brighter.

“...W-well, we’re not going in there, so you can FORGET about drinking that much ketchup!” Poppy said, afraid of the sheer power of your ketchup-drinking.

You and Poppy moved onto the next spot. You met an Underswap Alphys who seemed to be trapped in a red-and-gold palette. You met a robot dressed as a circus ringmaster, who claimed to be a Chara. You met a Dummy dressed in a Frisk shirt. (You didn’t assume it was swapped with Frisk this time, which turned out to be a mistake, because it was.) Poppy stared at you awkwardly now, wondering why you were talking to all these random strangers. Finally, you and Poppy reached your next destination.

“The theater! Where we show off all the greatest hits! Including MY movie, which, not to brag, but it’s--”

Except, you’d been distracted by a hyperdeath Asriel, and were ignoring Poppy for the moment.

“...” Poppy spoke up. “That’s what I don’t get about you.”

“Huh?” that seemed to wake you up, and you looked at her. 

“Everytime it’s always, ‘have you met Underswap Sans,’ or ‘have you met JangoTale Frisk,’ or some other weird thing. You always ask that. But… they’re just people. Why do you always assume I know some random Sans or Frisk or someone?”

“I…” you were a bit taken aback. “...I don’t… we don’t assume you know them, they’re just… they’re just important.” 

“Important?” She asked. “...I-I mean, yeah, EVERYONE’s important, but, I don’t really get what you mean…”

“They’re all--” You paused, trying to collect your thoughts, think of everything you knew from the blog, and tried to actually talk to her. “...They’re like friends to me. Kinda.”

“...You guys are friends with them? I thought you were stuck in your world…” she frowned.

“No, it’s like-- I’m not ‘friends’ with Underswap Frisk, or-- or Storyshift Frisk, or Shifty or whatever, I’m just friends with… Frisk.”

...Poppy stared at you like you just said the ground was turning to jelly, or something equally bafflingly inane. “...I… think you’re confused. Look, sometimes newcomers struggle with this. Your Frisk isn’t the only Frisk--”

“I know! It’s… You don’t get it. This world, these worlds are so special and creative, and they mean a lot to me. I know we can be really edgy, and I know we ask weird questions about Dusted and Rust, but that’s all because… because...” you paused.

Poppy looked, seeming upset about hearing her siblings mentioned in the context of ‘edgy’ questions, not seeing what you were seeing. Core, standing behind her, holding up a hand signal.

The number two.

You were getting carried away. You overstepped.

“...Um… I’m sorry.” You pulled her into a hug as Core vanished. “There’s really no reason for us to ask those questions. We can just be dumb sometimes.”

“...” She hugged back. “Yeah, it’s okay. I knew you guys were super weird and dumb before I convinced Granpa to let you in here, so I guess I should’ve seen this coming,” Poppy smiled, regaining her confidence as you did your best to not be offended at being called weird and dumb.

“Okay! I think I have just one last stop in mind to cap this tour off on a high note! Literally, hehehe…” She giggled mischievously. This time, you didn’t stop to talk to others, following her directly as you approached a peak overlooking the town. For yet another time, and probably the last, you couldn’t help but ogle at the town’s beauty. “Pretty good, right?” She sat down.

“Ha… with all the climbing, I was worried we’d fall down a mountain,” you joked. Poppy seemed to roll her eyes, as you sat beside her. “...I guess I get how you can call this place home. I mean, once I stop nerding out, anyways. You don’t see stuff like this in my… reality.”

“Just gallons and gallons of ketchup, huh?” she commented. You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah.”

And you two just stared into the distance for a while. ...She wasn’t just a character. She was a human being.

...Or, technically just a ‘being,’ scratch the human part. Still, you felt a bit desensitized to all this. And so did she. You related in that way.

“I can’t say you exactly passed with flying colors, but you fulfilled your end of the agreement well enough.”

Without any warning, you were back in a white void with CORE!Frisk, just like before. You almost forgot about the deal you made, what with all the time you spent with Poppy. You stood.

“Uh… yeah. So, my reward…” you drifted off, remembering the offer Core gave you. The chance to meet just about any AU character of your imagining… or at least, any that would be peaceful enough to be in the Omega Timeline. Which still left a WIDE variety of options…

Who did you want to see? What mattered most to you?

...

Thinking deeply… you told Core their name.

“...Oh. Really? Well, I guess it makes sense for you that you’d want to see them,” Core remarked. “I can’t guarantee they’ll give you what you’re looking for, but a deal’s a deal. Let’s head off.”

You and Core went somewhere else.

---

And that’s all she wrote! If you read this far, thank you. Working on the game since then has been fun, and I think you’ll like what we have in store. Until then, ciao.

[an-unknown-writers-world]

The Whiny Soldier

Day Fourteen: Company Holiday Party  

Part of @panicfob​ 25 Days of Christmas Challenge

Warnings: Angst, Bad jokes,

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First Person, nameless)

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Pepper Potts, Maria Hill, Thor, Mentions of Rhodey, and Happy

Word Count: 1694

A/N: Sorry, this is out a little later than normal. Some personal stuff came up preventing me from getting this queued like normal. As always thank you for reading. The previous parts of this series can be found on my Masterlist.

-----------------------------------------

Standing in front of the full-length mirror I examined myself from head to toe, I had never seen this dress before, apparently, while Bucky and I were “stranded” at the cabin Pepper had outfits for the Stark Gala sent over to the compound. It was a black cocktail dress with the top being a silver metallic fabric, it was tight and came to just above my knee and left little to the imagination. I spent extra time on my makeup and curled my hair into a half-up french roll.

“You look beautiful,” Bucky said rounding the corner into my in-suite bathroom.

He was dressed in a three-piece suit, all black except a silver vest and tie. I smiled at him in the mirror as he came to stand behind me.

“I wish Nat was here,” I whined.

Bucky laughed, “She would agree that you look amazing in that dress.”

I rolled my eyes. “I do like that Pepper picked out matching outfits.” Turning around in his arms I wrapped my hand behind his neck gently pulling him down to kiss me; his hands resting on my lower back pulling me flush against his core.

“If you’re trying to distract me,” He said breaking the kiss, “it’s not going to work.”

Groaning resting my forehead against his shoulder. “I hope you’re prepared to carry me home tonight.”

“I’d carry you anywhere.”

 *** A Few Hours Later ***

 Bucky, Sam, and Maria were off swapping battle stories when I had returned from the bathroom. I was standing at the bar waiting for my drink when I felt a hand softly lay across my lower back and kiss to the side of my head, it wasn’t Bucky though. I turned and immediately recognized Thor. Squealing with excitement I threw my hands around his neck as he twirled me with a laugh.

“I didn’t think you’d be here!” I exclaimed.

“I thought it’d be a happy surprise.” He pulled back from the hug.

The bartender pushed my drink to me. “Anything for you sir?”

“No, thank you,” Thor replied.

“Come with me,” I said grabbing my drink.

We walked away from the thick of the crowd to chat and catch up. The last time we saw each other was Tony’s funeral, now he’s lost a hundred pounds and back to looking like the Nordic God that I met once upon a time. He shared some of his adventures with the Guardians and explained how he uninvited them to the party.

The two of us talked and laughed so hard that I lost track of time, I thought for sure that Bucky would come to find me when he was ready; after all, it wasn’t too often he got to socialize with others who understand him besides Sam. I saw both Maria and Sam make separate trips to the bar over the time we were together, but never did I see Bucky.

“What has you troubled?” Thor questioned.

“I haven’t seen Bucky for a while, it makes me a little nervous in these settings.” I was truthful.

“Do you fear his programming is not broke?”

“Not at all, I know that’s not the issue. It’s his people skills I worry about. Like you when you first visited earth.”

He laughed, “I was great.”

I shook my head with a laugh, “Tell Darcy that.”

“Why is that you worry about Sergeant Barnes? Is he not someone else’s responsibility?”

Before I could answer Sam appeared in front of us, “So your Winter Soldier has become Whiny Soldier and has run off sulking.”

“What did you say to him?” I questioned.

“Why do you assumed I said something,”

“Well, both of you have a pretty shitty track record.”

“I’ll admit to that, but it wasn’t me, it was Maria,” Sam informed.

“What the hell did Maria say?” I was flabbergasted.

“She may or may not have made a joke about you leaving him for Thor.”

“Ah!” Thor exclaimed, “That is why you worry, you and the Sergeant are together.”

“You do realize he hasn’t been a Sergeant in about eight years?” Sam asked Thor.

“Where is he, Sam?” I asked, “Sorry, Thor I have to go find him.”

“Last I saw he went towards the balcony.”

“Of course, he would,” I muttered, “it’s thirty degrees outside so it’s a perfectly normal place to go hang out.”

Abandoning my wine glass, I stormed past Sam and headed towards the balcony. The mass of people made it a little harder than I had hoped, having to weave through people a lot of which were drunk and stumbly. I smiled and waved at everyone who I recognized as I passed trying to avoid having to stop and talk to most of them. Bucky and I had already made our required rounds through the people we knew and those he didn’t.

I caught a glimpse of Pepper, Happy and Maria standing together and talking, I thought about derailing from my mission briefly to ask Maria what happened. Sam hadn’t been forthcoming with information and I wanted to know what I was walking into, but I decided it would be better to make it straight to Bucky. Finally making it through the sea of people I finally found a door to the balcony, pushing it open I saw Bucky sitting on a concrete bench looking over the railing at the lake.

“Bucky,” I spoke softly to not startle him, it was pointless he knew I was coming the second the door closed, enhanced abilities and all.

“Doll you shouldn’t be out here. Go back to the party.” He said not turning to look at me.

I guess the conversation was going to happen out here, I thought to myself. Making my way towards him I sat down on the bench, immediately regretting my lace undergarments with the thin dress material.

“What are you doing out here babe? The party is inside.”

“Nothing, just thinking. Too many people inside.” He replied.

“And it has nothing to do with what Maria said to you?”

“No,” He snapped.

“Good because I would hope that you already know that nothing in this universe could take me from you.”

“That’s not true and we both know it.” He sighed, “You were there the day that Shuri told everyone that this may not be permanent, the mental block she built could deteriorate over time. My own mind could take you from me.”

“Bucky you’re letting that happen right now. I’m not worried about it and neither should you. That isn’t new knowledge to any of us, the only new thing is the comment Maria made." I hesitated for a moment, "Are you trying to blame your jealousy on some far-off futuristic fear?”

“Maybe,” He sighed, “probably.”

I groaned, “Well, stop it, I love you and I thought I had made that pretty clear.”

We sat in silence for a moment, neither of us attempting to speak. I was freezing and this moment all I wanted was a cup of tea and my warm bed.

“Did you just tell me you love me?” Bucky spoke barely above a whisper.

“I did, Bucky I’ve been in love with you since the day Pepper introduced us at Tony’s memorial.”

He smiled, “that was the day I swore I’d never be friends with you,” He chuckled. “You were too nice to me, it was unnatural.”

I laughed.

“I swore I’d never be friends with you because I knew I would fall in love with you.” He took my hand in his. “And I did, the first night you moved into the compound. I was a jerk to you and when I interrupt your late-night movie you didn’t turn me away.”

Closing the distance between us I kissed him; it was a loving and gentle kiss, one that sealed our emotions.

“You’re shaking,” Bucky observed.

“That’s because it’s like five degrees and I have barely any clothes on.”

His face fell in disappointment, “I shouldn’t have made you come out here.”

“It’s fine, but can’t we go inside. This is the second time this week that I’ve felt like I was going to lose a limb to hypothermia.”

Bucky laughed and wrapped his arm around me to pull me into his side, “Sorry doll, both are my fault.”

Making it in the doors I shivered at the sudden warmth.

“How did you know I was out there?” Bucky asked.

“Sam,” I stated. “He called you the ‘Whiny Soldier’.” I laughed.

“Fucking bird,” He grumbled.

“Pay up, Wilson.” I heard Maria say from the bar.

We walked towards them and Pepper.

“Oh, dear God,” I groaned. “What did you guys bet on?”

“You would leave Barnes because of his whining,” Sam admitted.

“I didn’t.” Pepper claimed proudly.

I laughed at her, “as hard as you tried to push the two of us together, I would hope you had more faith in us than that.”

“Hill, how did you bet?” Bucky asked.

“I love you, but you’re a sap.” She directed at me. “And you’ve been ogling her since Steve left.”

“I was never ogling.”

“Yes, you were.” Sam and Pepper replied.

I laughed, “I was clearly the only one who didn’t see it.”

“Pepper and I were planning an intervention,” Sam confessed.

“I offered to send you guys on some remote pointless mission.” Maria laughed.

“But I’m not a field agent,” I replied.

“That’s why it would be pointless.” Maria explained, “Fury probably would have been pissed. But that’s a great joy in my life these days.”

“Hey, where is Rhodey?” I asked, “I haven’t seen him all night.”

“Wakanda,” Pepper explained. “Shuri had a Christmas present for him.”

We all stared at her waiting for an explanation.

“Scientific babble, basically she found a way to create an implant of some kind to possibly fix his spine.”

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Sam replied. He would never admit it, but it was clear he still had some residual guilt over the situation.

I leaned against Bucky getting tired, the alcohol buzz was wearing off leaving me exhausted. A yawn escaped.

“I think that’s my queue to take her home.” Bucky laughed.

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

[theflashdriver]

Silvaze: Fiction and a First

The atmosphere following Iblis' defeat was strangely comforting to Blaze. She knew the monster would return in a few weeks and its flames still dominated the city but as she lay, sprawled across an old couch with a poetry book in hand, those facts found no quarter in her mind. Instead, she found herself whisked away by the words in front of her; thoroughly capable of indulging herself.

Well, the beast's defeat wasn't the only factor contributing to her comfort. The good health of a certain grey hedgehog, lounging atop a beanbag chair just a little out of reach, relieved her to no end. Silver the Hedgehog, her partner in combat and in life. After the battle with Iblis, they'd had more than a few injuries to tend. Both Blaze's shoulder and knee had been injured during the fight but Silver's wounds had been relatively minor. A grazed elbow where he hadn't fully deflected a hurled boulder and a small burn on the right side of his muzzle were really the only ones of note but, of course, she'd tended his wounds as thoroughly as he'd tended hers; despite his protesting over the difference in scale.

Daring to throw him a glance, Blaze was forced to suppress a giggle. He'd thoroughly sunken into his chair, legs crossed in front of him while the rest of his body arched back. His arms were stretched toward the ceiling as he slowly flicked his way through a book. She had no idea how he could find the position comfortable but, for now, she concluded there was no harm in his silliness. After all, she wasn't sat upright either.

As her eyes returned to her book a yawn managed to slip past her lips. They'd, perhaps, made themselves a little too comfortable in their new home. What'd once been a youth centre, a gathering place for teenagers and young adults, had been converted into a two-floor house. The first floor didn't see much use, the street-level was too susceptible to monster attacks, but the second floor had been thoroughly customised. Powerless computers and televisions had been thrown out, quickly being replaced with books and board games. Posters of bygone football teams had been replaced with maps of the world and star atlases, they'd constructed a bed in a snug room with no windows and brought with various additional comforts. Safe to say, she slept more easily here than she had in their prior, ramshackle, homes.

The fact she was wearing pyjamas likely contributed to her sleepy state. She'd chosen them over her usual garb for the sake of comfort, donning a mauve tank top had allowed Silver to easily tend her shoulder and her black shorts kept her injured knee free from chafing. Still, regardless of intent, the usual purpose of these softer clothes was too heavily ingrained; another yawn broke free and tears filled the corners of her eyes. Deciding she'd won enough fights today, Blaze set the book atop her chest (careful to keep her page) and allowed her eyes to close.

For a while she simply lay there, content to drift asleep, but a voice managed to rouse her, "Blaze?"

"Hmm?" She hummed, managing to half acknowledge her partner.

"How much do you know about kissing?"

Blaze's eyes shot open; she raced to sit up, almost sliding from the couch as she did so. His words had granted her a pulse-pounding second wind, her tiredness was fully transmuted to surprise, "Wh-What?!"

Silver, meanwhile, despite what he'd just asked, was still sprawled atop the beanbag; looking at his book rather than daring to face her, "I was just wondering how much you know about kissing because… I don't really get it?"

"Where did you even learn that word?" That was stupid to ask; of course Silver knew what kissing was. He'd surely read about it at some point, "W-Why do you want to know?"

"Oh, it just came up in this book I'm reading?" Silver replied, "I've known about kissing for a while but this story makes it seem a whole lot more important…?"

He finally shifted to sit upright, his quills briefly cascading into his face before being pushed back by a wave of psychic energy. As Blaze caught sight of the book in his hands she felt her blush grow brighter still; all of a sudden she was on her feet, fists clenched as she struggled to keep herself from snatching it. There was no mistaking the book's title, it stood out so clearly against the book's otherwise featureless navy cover. Emblazoned on the front, written in a cursive font, were the words, 'The Cure for a Petrified Heart.' It was a romance novel aimed at teenage girls. A romance novel a certain, fire manipulating, purple, teenaged feline had read several times.

"Where did you find that?! Th-That's a…" She didn't dare finish her sentence, the words 'Romance Novel' weighed much too heavily on her tongue. "You don't read… those. You read history books and books about nature, n-not young adult fiction about "

Blaze knew she was being more than a little hypocritical; after all, she'd only recently started reading romance novels herself. Her first had been The Cure for a Petrified Heart, the very book he now held. She'd mistaken the tome for a poetry book but, having finished her other tomes, she'd decided to give it a go. Blaze wasn't willing to admit how quickly she'd fallen in love with the story, let alone its characters. She'd become immersed in the tale a teenaged hedgehog named Ivory, a girl who spends most of her time studying to appease her restrictive parents, and her burgeoning affection for her best friend, a feline by the name of Star. Of course, the hedgehog's feelings come into conflict with her need to study and soon she's fighting to choose between stargazing with her beloved and doing advanced trigonometry.

"I know it's not what I usually read but I saw you reading it a while ago. Whenever you did, it looked like it was making you really happy, so I figured it was worth reading myself," He must have caught the shock in her eyes, wincing slightly he asked, "Should I not have? You left it on the shelf ages ago and you hadn't marked a page, so I thought you were done with it. If you're not you can have it back, I'm sorry."

Ignoring his query, she couldn't help but ask a question of her own, "How much have you read?"

"I think I'm about halfway through it? Ivory has been hiding up in her room, pretending to be sick and not even going to school, because Star keeps accidentally distracting her in class and her grades have started to slip. Her parents aren't happy about it and neither is she, but she's sure that if she doesn't study on her own things will get worse," Silver expunged and, as he did, Blaze felt her blush grow brighter still, "Star doesn't seem to understand that he's the problem though, judging by the chapter I've almost finished. He made copies of all his notes to give her but, rather than just give them to her parents; he climbed her wall to knock on her bedroom window."

Of all the scenes in the book, Blaze knew that one the best and that truth embarrassed her most of all. She had read and reread that chapter on no fewer than twenty separate occasions; she could recall it from memory, practically word for word.

"He wanted to give her the notes and leave but she took his hand instead, it was raining so she insisted that he stayed for a while. They talked for a bit, she kept looking at his lips and, well, eventually they just… kissed," He concluded, so very bluntly.

That moment was the reason Blaze was embarrassed that he was reading the book. It was during that chapter that the Blaze couldn't help drawing parallels between the studious, serious, hedgehog and herself. Ivory's feline lover on the other hand, contradictory as it was, matched Silver all too well. The character of Star was painfully honest, overly curious, genuine and very naïve indeed; going out of his way for Ivory far more often than he truly should have. Additionally, although Blaze had never lived as a normal girl in a normal house, the concept of Star scaling Ivory's wall to see her could so easily be swapped with Silver floating his way to Blaze's windowsill to stay for a little while. Just long enough for a kiss of course, long enough to sweep her off her feet but not to carry her away; enough to leave her wanting just a little more.

Blaze would never admit, not even to herself, how many times she'd imagined and reimagined that scene.

The only response she could muster were two, quiet, words, "I-I see."

"I've been enjoying it, it's really nice to see what high school was like way back when it existed, but kissing keeps coming up. Ivory kept thinking about him kissing her, she kept considering kissing him and stuff like that. I thought when they actually did it I'd be able to understand why she thought about it so much, but I still don't?" Silver embarrassingly extrapolated, "They built up kissing as this wonderful thing and that it's really special, but isn't it just two people pushing their mouths together? I've read about kissing in encyclopaedias, and kisses have been mentioned in other stories I've read, but it never seemed all that important to me. Ever since I started this book, I can't stop thinking about it."

Blaze tried her hardest to keep her tail under control as those last words slipped free from his lips. Her arms folded across her chest, her ears pinned back and her eyes found themselves magnetically drawn away from his face and toward by a patch of burnt carpet.

"Well, um," She tried her best to think of some brief, yet thorough, explanation but embarrassment forced the truth from her, "It's rather difficult to describe the appeal of kissing."

"I've reread that passage a ton and I just don't get it…" He nodded in agreement, "Kissing is supposed to feel nice, I can tell that much, but, in the book, it's described as feeling like an explosion in your chest? But Ivory also says that it feels soft and sweet and tender, how can it be so many different things?"

"I'm," She nervously swallowed, now pondering on it herself. Thinking back to how she imagined kissing Silver would feel, "N-Not entirely sure."

"And why didn't people kiss more often? If it feels so amazing, wouldn't you want to do it all the time? Wouldn't lots of people just… kiss each other?" He'd asked yet another question, Blaze felt like she had to give some kind of answer this time.

"W-Well, I always thought that it wasn't kissing itself that feels like that, it's the fact you are kissing the right person; that's what makes it feel so wonderful. It's the fact that you're sharing such an intimate moment with someone you care deeply for; the person you care for the most. You're showing them how much you care about them by drawing them in close and exchanging a touch reserved for them and no other. The two of you get to share a moment born of your intimacy, m-made real by your closeness. You couldn't ask just anyone to kiss you and expect it to be wonderful, it has to be that special person. If it wasn't, then it wouldn't matter so you wouldn't get that feeling," The feline felt herself stumbling over her words. Though her understanding of kissing was clearly more developed than his, she, of course, hadn't actually kissed anyone. "At least, I think that's how it's supposed to be…"

"No, I think you're right. I think that makes way more sense than just touching lips and feeling a magic spark or some kind of nice earthquake. It having to be the right person would explain why everyone wasn't kissing all the time..." Silver seemed to pause for a moment, deep in through, "Can we try it?"

What puzzled her most of all was how nonchalant he was being. Had her explanation been that poor? Did he not understand he'd been reading a romance novel? Did he really think it was some kind of historical document, detailing an actual young girl's time at high school? Even then, the book focused so much on Ivory's crush while her schooling was more of a backdrop that occasionally pushed the narrative in an interesting direction. He had to know kisses occurred between loved ones rather than friends, didn't he? Despite how flustered she felt and how her blush was surely showing, he seemed totally unfazed by their situation; not in the least bit bashful about his proposal! Had she not explained this was one of the most intimate acts a pair could perform, reserved for only-

"I care about you more than I care about anyone or anything else, so if kissing works like you said then you're the person I should be kissing," He explained, entirely serious and more than half confident in his hypothesis, "Right?"

It was as though her brain was misfiring, Blaze was left completely speechless. Here he was, asking if he could kiss her and asking her to kiss him. There was zero hesitation in his voice, not an iota of contemplation or a speck of bashfulness. As was ever so common, the hedgehog's heart was on his sleeve and his intentions were much too easily discerned. They cared a lot about each other, the bandages they wore were more than evidence of that, but for him to so bluntly surmise their mutual care still caught her off guard. Not only that, but he truly wanted to try it; he wasn't joking, he wasn't the type to do that, Silver genuinely wanted to try kissing. He wanted to kiss her.

She must have been staring into space for too long because, when he finally broke the silence, concern hung on his voice; "We don't have to if you don't want to Blaze, it's ok-

"N-No I…" Blaze caught herself before she could finish that sentence; she swallowed her stutter and steeled herself, "Get up! You want to do this so we're doing it!"

"Really?!" The smile on his face was overwhelming, Silver bounded to his feet without hesitation but he paused before he could approach any further, "Are you sure? I don't know much about kissing, but the book made it out to be a big deal. A person's first kiss especially, that one's supposed to be really special. "

"I just agreed, didn't I? I'm more than certain, " A realisation dawned upon Blaze, she posed a similar question, "Are you okay with me being your first kiss?"

"Of course I am Blaze! There's no one else I'd even consider, you're really important to me and this is meant to be really important so it only makes sense," He was beaming at her, clearly overexcited, "As long as you're sure, I'm sure. As long as you're okay, I'm okay."

"Just," She felt a warmth she could only describe as bubbling giddiness; it was growing too powerful, "Give me a moment."

Blaze fully turned away from him in an attempt to compose herself, her eyes shut and arms still tightly folded across her chest. A bizarre shudder raked through her; she imagined it was the combined symptom of anticipation and, admittedly, a little bit of fear. Though she'd thought about it, Blaze hadn't anticipated something like this actually happening for years, if it ever did. She'd assumed, at the very least, neither of them would have the will to broach the subject until after Iblis was defeated for good. Furthermore, she'd imagined it'd be her dropping hints and to struggling to gently show interest. This was all just a little too fast, all just a little too sudden. Blaze felt her tail wriggle and writhe, it was as though her embarrassment was attempting to break free of her body and manifest as its own, awkward, entity. Were it not for today's endeavour, had she not fought and drained herself, Blaze was certain that her flames would have sprung forth long ago.

It was only as she reopened her eyes that she noticed he'd shifted. Not only had Silver drawn a few steps closer but his bright yellow eyes were shining down on her, carrying upon them an innocent worry that pierced her heart.

"I'm fine, I said I was… you're so naïve," Blaze caught herself half growling, reflexively puffing herself up in an attempt to look more confident than she actually was. One of her arms fell to her side, her remaining hand still gripping at her elbow. She sighed, trying to relax just a little, "This is all very new to me too and I want to do it right. I'm trying to think how we should… start."

"We could just do it like they did?" Despite her state, he still seemed oblivious to the connotations of their immanent embrace. She couldn't tell if that was for better or worse, "Like Star and Ivory."

The first kiss between Star the Cat and Ivory the Hedgehog, while not as heated as kisses she'd read about in later books, was a rather intimate affair. As she recalled, it remained surface level (that, or anything beyond the lips was left purely to the imagination) but the position they managed and the time spent in lip-lock was a feat in and of itself. To call that moment between them their first kiss would be to put it too lightly, too simply; it was much more than an awkward peck. But it wasn't too much more, she hoped at least.

"L-Like Star and Ivory," Blaze managed to repeat, half reflecting on what she wanted out of this first kiss and half on what she thought was possible, "I don't think that's beyond being possible?"

Having said that, Blaze did realise (now putting herself in Ivory's shoes) she would have to guide him. Even though he knew the hold, she was going to imitate this. Blaze, struggling not to turn away as her embarrassment maximised, reached across with her left hand; fumbling to find his hand only for him to find hers. Their fingers slowly interlocked and, as they did, she gingerly crossed her thumb across his.

"W-Wrap your arm around my waist," With the embarrassment behind her breath, it sounded almost as though she'd commanded him.

Despite her rashness, his arm immediately coiled around her waist. Blaze stumbled forward slightly; her chin had almost met with his chest fur. The gap between their frames was so very small; as her gaze dropped again she saw that her feet were between his. As she felt his right hand come to rest, only her tank top kept his fingers from her hip and his palm from the small of her back.

It was close, but this wasn't quite the complete hold Star and Ivory had shared. After all, Blaze still had one free hand. She wasn't brave enough to sink her fingers into his quills, not yet at least. For now, the less intimate contact would do; she'd have to build up to it.

Another realisation struck, only furthering Blaze's embarrassment. Despite the fact she was leading, despite her telling him what to do and how to kiss her, she was almost half a head shorter than him. The feline wore her heels so often (and she'd been so distracted by her embarrassment) that she'd completely forgotten the difference between their heights. Getting Silver to bend down and kiss her was, somehow, more embarrassing than the alternative. She would have to rise, climbing to her tiptoes in order to kiss him. It wasn't helping that, with so little distance between them, she was on eye level with the lips she'd soon be kissing. Try as she might, she couldn't stop staring.

"Is this okay Blaze? Am I holding you too tight?" He innocently inquired.

"N-No, that's good, I…" Her mouth felt dry all of a sudden, she assumed it was the heat, "We'll also need to tilt our heads, o-otherwise our lips won't meet properly," He blinked at her. Once again, he hadn't fully understood, "Lets both tilt right?"

"Like this?" Without hesitation, Silver tilted his head too far right. His muzzle was pressing against his shoulder, it seemed she would have to take more initiative than simply rising to her tiptoes.

"A little less, more like…" Blaze, without even thinking, reached up and sunk her hand into his quills, thus completing the hold as described in the book and the position they'd often taken in her mind's eye. Lines she'd read about pairs sharing passionate embraces, fingers running through hair and quills alike, quickly rushed to the forefront of her mind. Despite this, the feline couldn't bring herself to remove her hand from his overgrown spines. As she tilted her head to match his, she convinced herself that her hand should stay there. This way she could course-correct if they made a mistake, "There, th-that's perfect."

Innocent, excited, yellow eyes sparkled, but at this distance Blaze managed to spot something interesting. Now, with that promised kiss no more than a few moments away, a pink tinge had gently spread across his cheeks.

"Are you starting to understand? I've been feeling like this ever since you asked about kissing. Warm and nervous and…" Blaze forced herself to continue the explanation, after all; she was supposed to lead this, "Like my heart is exploding."

"I-I," He very almost forgot her hold as he shot up straight, eyes widening at his own stutter. Suddenly, his eyes darted to part from hers; unfortunately, there weren't many other places to look. He managed to half mumble, "I think I am."

"Do you still want to…" She led, once again finding herself unable to finish her sentence. It wasn't that she wanted to stop, in fact now she'd faintly invigorated, but she had to be sure he was comfortable.

Those bright yellow orbs flickered back to her amber ones as he gave as best a nod as he could, "I'm starting to get it, b-but now I want to know what it's actually like."

Silver's blush was creeping further, threatening to scale his ears with each passing moment. Well, at least they were flustered together; to Blaze, that somehow made this all just a little less embarrassing. She didn't have much time to consider that though, the tension between them seemed to be growing thicker by the second. She felt those often-described butterflies in her stomach but, as long as he did too, she knew that was fine. As long as it was mutual, as long as they were on the same wavelength, she knew everything would be okay.

"Alright, I'll lean in and, once I start kissing you, try to make your lips match mine," She instructed, managing to properly hold eye contact for the first time since he'd asked.

The hedgehog's brow furrowed, "What do you mean?"

"Just," She had no idea how to elegantly phrase what she wanted to say, "When I push my lips against yours, you're supposed to push back…? You can use your neck a little but I-I think you're supposed to just use your lips," Clearly still befuddled, Silver started to shape his lips into various (likely useless) forms. Not wanting to add humour to the dangerous concoction of emotions she was feeling, she quickly told him, "W-Watch and feel as I lead, I think the best way to learn is by doing it."

A look of realisation overcame his muzzle, fighting against his blush, "Oh, okay. So this is like practice?"

"If that helps then yes, th-think of it like practice," Blaze wasn't sure what she was saying at this point.

Practice for what? Practice for who? The only person she'd ever considered kissing was Silver and he'd only started to question kissing today, he'd even admitted she was the right person for him to kiss. Did he mean practice for the future? When she'd agreed, did she mean practice for the future? Blaze felt her hands grow sweatier as she contemplated that. She knew that even if Silver couldn't feel her sweat, he'd surely feel the heat that accompanied it. Thankfully, he hadn't mentioned it yet.

Swallowing one last time, she felt her grip grow just a little tighter, "Are you ready?"

"I-I think so?" Once again, caught off-guard by his own stutter, the blush on his cheeks grew a shade warmer. He managed to return her query, "Are you ready?"

"Yes," Blaze half-nodded, there was nothing more to do. The moment was finally upon them, "Close your eyes and stick out your lips, I'll…" Synapses failed to fire as she struggled to give her final instruction. Eventually, she decided to draw upon their reference material, "I-I'll be Ivory, I-I'll lead and you … just do what you can."

For a moment he hesitated, perhaps he thought he'd be taking the hedgehog's position, but he quickly complied; closing his eyes and puckering up. He looked more than a little silly, clearly not sure of what to do with his mouth and his brows were strongly furrowed, but it was rather endearing. Just as neither of them knew what this would feel like, neither of them really knew what they were doing. For whatever reason, that thought relaxed Blaze just a little.

Blaze took a deep breath, squinting incredulously at Silver; expecting reality to, somehow, fall away before their lips could meet. She shifted onto to her tiptoes, maintaining her stare as matched the hedgehog's height. His eyes were shut much too tightly and his shoulders looked much too tense; it was as though he was bracing for a literal explosion rather than a figurative one. Deep within her chest, Blaze felt a fluttering warmth. It was soft and yet, somehow, prickly. It was calming yet exhilarating; soothing yet overwhelming. It was as if her blood had been replaced with crackling energy; fuzzy feelings were flowing throughout her body but her heart couldn't handle the strain. As the distance between them shrank her temperature continued to rise, the feeling was just as contradictory as the books made it out to be. It was too strange to verbalise yet unabashedly wonderful.

Her eyelids grew heavy, her head tilted to mirror his alignment and three stuttered words managed to slip from her mouth. It was a phrase she couldn't help but use whenever these feelings grew just a little too palpable, "Y-You're so naïve…"

Eyes fully shut, Blaze pressed her muzzle against his; their lips met for the very first time. Surprised caused his fingers to tense, his grip around her waist tightened so suddenly that Blaze very almost ended their lip lock there and then; but her own hold on his quills kept them connected. Admittedly, however, a muffled, not unlike a squeak, did push past her lips. She kept hold of the back of his head, trying to make sure that he didn't mistake the sound for some kind of regret. Blaze felt herself almost melt into Silver, despite the strength with which they were surely holding each other; three of their four contact points faded into obscurity while the fourth drew all of her attention.

Electrifying was a word Blaze had never truly understood, electricity belonged to a long lost past, but, finally, she could match a sensation to its definition. Despite the heat and her nervousness, or perhaps even due to it, Blaze was thoroughly enjoying this.

It was only as she began to understand this feeling that it metamorphosed into something even greater. Silver had overcome his surprise and was fighting to return her kiss! She felt him shift in her grasp, contrary to what she'd advised he'd shifted his head and leant in closer still; pressing his mouth into hers. Despite the clumsiness behind his effort, it was more than enough to draw muffled purrs from her throat and send what remained of her senses into disarray. She felt her tail whip wildly and her ears press angle down further; as if urging her to somehow close the distance even further.

This was achieved by tugging his quills, she'd tilted his head just a little more and thus allowed their contact to deepen. His lips pushed against hers, he'd overcome his shock and remembered her advice. The warmth of her face now mingled and matched with that in her chest, culminating in a combined heat the likes of which she'd never felt. It was unlike any flame she could conjure and must have been the antithesis of Iblis' lava. It was like a roaring hearth, a heat that comforted despite its ferocity. Blaze found herself sifting through his quills and felt herself unravel just a little more; giving in to feelings she'd previously quarantined. If it was only going to be this once, this one and only test, she wanted to make the very most of it.

When they finally separated the sound of their panting filled the room and Blaze felt more than a little lightheaded. Were it not for their shared grip, one of them would have surely stumbled. Blaze wasn't sure how long that silence lasted but, equally, she didn't care. She was much too distracted by the lingering warmth on her lips.

"That was incredible, Blaze! I-I think I get it now!" Silver, meanwhile, was recovering in his own way. Trying to reassure her thus reassuring himself. Still, he wasn't wrong, "I-It's even better than the book said!"

With her embarrassment returning to its highest point, Blaze's voice was robbed from her and her eyes returned to that patch of burnt carpet. But, regardless of her capacity to speak, the feline's uncontrollable purrs were most certainly conveying mutuality of his statement.

"Can we do it again?"

[ryqoshay]

Happy Life: Angelic Doujin

Primary Pairing: YohaRiko Words: ~1.2k Rating: K AU: Angelic? Time Frame: I’m going to say post college for now Story Arc: Stand Alone

Author’s Note: Reading the first chapter of my new fic, Heavenly Life: Cursed Blood is recommended prior to reading this. Yes, that is a shameless shill, but I hope with good reason.

“Riri, this… is really good.” Yoshiko set down the last page.

“You really like it?” Riko asked.

“Like it?” Yoshiko grinned. “I love it! Fighting with daggers and a scythe and dark magic sounds fun. And Riri is right there to heal and help and stuff when things get tough. And Phobetor can talk, and he’s a bratty little familiar, but loyal. And Mari… well Mari is being Mari. Gods, I don’t think I could serve under a captain like that…” A thought occurred to her. “You’re not going to make me do that in a later chapter, are you?”

Riko smiled at her girlfriend’s reaction. “We’ll see.”

“Riri…” Yoshiko whined, earning a laugh. “Anyway,” she regained her composure, but didn’t lose her excitement “I think you nailed us all pretty good here.”

“Thank you, Yocchan.” Riko replied with a smile before reaching to collect her work. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Just a moment.” Yoshiko blocked her. “I want to look at a few things again. Your drawing has really improved.” She shuffled through the pages to find what she sought, chuckling as she passed the images where her in-story self was oblivious to having been run through with a spear. But she had to pause on the depiction of Riko’s character. By the gods did she love that outfit.

“Are you sure you don’t want to post this?” The younger girl asked after a while of admiring the art. “I could guarantee some readers right off the bat if I were to announce this on my stream and put a link in the description. My little demons would love it. You know they would.”

“Hmm…” Riko pulled into herself a bit.

Yoshiko recognized this behavior and immediately stood to make her way around the table. Upon reaching her girlfriend, she leaned down and draped herself over her shoulders and hugged her gently.

“You know I’d never force you to do something you’re not comfortable with, Riri.” The blue-haired girl assured. “I just think your art is amazing and is worth sharing with others. I know how much joy you get from sharing your music, and this manga of yours is just another expression of your artistry.”

“I know.” Riko replied, pushing into the embrace a bit. “It’s just… It’s a bit embarrassing…”

“Embarrassing? Why? Because you used our real names?”

“Yeah…”

Yoshiko pursed her lips. “I was kinda wondering about that, to be honest. I mean, I don’t really mind, and I’m sure my little demons online would love it, but… Why not just change the names? You know, like that old show, <The story you are about to hear is true.>” She dropped her tone to mimic the iconic introduction in English. “<Only the names have been changed to protect the angels.>”

“<Innocent.>” Riko corrected.

“I know.” Yoshiko giggled. “<Only the needle should be changed to protect the record.>”

Riko sighed and shook her head as the other girl stretched the joke farther than was necessary. “I tried changing the names.” She admitted. “Came up with several for each of us, but as soon as I got caught up in the story or the drawing or whatever, I would forget and go back to using our real names. Eventually, I just gave up.”

“Hrm… Well, you could always change it digitally once you scan it in? Maybe I can help with the typesetting?”

“It also just doesn’t feel right.”

“Huh?”

“My dreams have become so vivid as of late, and it is very clearly us. It’s hard to imagine us as anyone else.”

“But we’re angels.”

“Yeah.”

“Doing cool angel stuff like flying and fighting demons and stuff.”

“Yeah.”

“Well again, it doesn’t bother me. And I doubt Mari would mind.” Yoshiko chuckled at a thought. “Heck, I could see her trying to figure out how to use it as advertising for her hotels.”

Riko laughed lightly as well. “That does sound like something she might try.”

“Although… Don’t normal fic and doujin readers often frown on self-insert stories?”

“Normal?”

“Well my little demons are far from normal, and I really don’t think they’d mind.”

“I hadn’t honestly thought about the self-insert thing, but now…”

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you more hesitant to publish…” Yoshiko thought for a moment about where to steer the subject next. “Will you include any of the others?”

“I don’t know.” Riko replied. “I’ve only ever dreamt of you, me and Mari for some reason.”

“Maybe because we spent so much time together as Guilty Kiss?”

“Maybe.”

“Or maybe because you and Mari were the focus pair of that angelic themed photoshoot?”

“I still think they should have chosen you instead of me.”

“Yohane is a fallen angel.” Yoshiko reminded. “My ‘Cursed Blood’ wouldn’t have done well there. Riri on the other hand is a perfect fit for an angel theme.”

“Mmm…”

“Oh c’mon.” Yoshiko rocked side to side a bit, pulling Riko along. “One of these days you’ll have to accept it.”

“I know…” Riko said with a small smile that her girlfriend couldn’t see. “But I suppose I could add the others. I’d just have to figure out how to fit them in, since I don’t remember dreaming about them.”

Yoshiko laughed. “Well now that you’ve said it, you know fate is going to figure out a way to make you remember. I believe certain individuals wouldn’t take too lightly to being forgotten.”

“True.”

“You know, Riri, if you publish this online now, you’ll have enough time to build up a bit of a fanbase before the next Comiket.”

Riko chuckled. “You’re obsessed with that event.”

“Because it’s awesome.” Yoshiko stated definitively. “Anyway, once you get some dedicated readers, you can print some paper copies and sell them at Comiket. I’d even help you get and run your vendor stand.”

“You want me to sell this?”

“I think it would sell just fine.”

“You may be biased.”

“Of course I am, but that’s not the point. You might be able to work out some trades with the other vendors, which means you could get some of your favorite romance stuff at cost.”

Yoshiko grinned as she heard her girlfriend’s sharp intake of breath that indicated she understood what was being suggested.

“A~nd, I’d be willing to make us outfits so we could cosplay as our characters.”

“You want us to cosplay… as ourselves?” Riko asked incredulously.

“Well, fictional angelic versions of ourselves, but yeah.”

“Hmm…”

“Unless of course you wanna swap like that one Halloween.”

“Alright, fine, I’ll post it.”

“You will?” Yoshiko blinked. “Wait, the cosplay thing is what did it for you?”

“Only because I want to see my Yocchan in this outfit.” Riko started to stand up.

“Well you kinda already did.” Yoshiko pointed out as her girlfriend turned toward her. “Didn’t you say it was based on that one photoshoot? I mean don’t get me wrong, it was a good set and I’d be happy to try to recreate it…”

“Or out of it.” Riko closed the distance between them and pulled the younger girl into a hug.

“Huh? Out of… Oh…” Yoshiko managed to get out before Riko leaned down and pressed her lips against hers. “You know,” She pulled away after a moment “I have plenty of other angel outfits that we could wear right n…” She was cut off again by Riko. This time, she got the hint and reciprocated immediately.

Author’s Note Continued in Followup Post

[redeyedryu]

Cross Dimensional Problems

Chapter 3 - Uh... | [Ao3]  | 1 | « | x | » |

Have some more of whatever this is, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Summary: Mmm, popato chisps~!

Popato chisps, as it turns out to your complete and utter disappointment, do not taste all that different from regular potato chips. The weird fizzy, pop-rock like sensation and the way they kind of just… disappear when you swallow is pretty neat, though. A monster food thing, no doubt. Still, talk about a letdown. Doesn't mean you're gonna stop eating them though, as you proceed to stuff yet another into your mouth. They even crunch like a regular potato chip.

“YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THIS? THAT THIS… THIS HUMAN IS FROM SOME PLANE OF EXISTENCE WHERE THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE ME IS NOTHING MORE THAN FICTION? SOMETHING CREATED BY SUCH A WEAK AND FEEBLE RACE?!”

You talk around the chisp you just shoved into your mouth and bring a hand to your chest, a mockery of being flattered. “Aw, love you too, boss,” you say in an overly sweet voice and as the very tall, very loud, very edgy skeleton proceeds to sputter and cough and choke at your words, you simply shove another two chisps into your mouth. He’s shouting, boots stomping against the linoleum of the kitchen floor, but you’re already toning him out.

Sans and the Underswap Papyrus had shuffled you up the basement stairs and into the kitchen, talking amongst themselves about needing to call a house meeting. As it just so happened, your additional company had already been present, apparently preparing some meal or another. It didn't smell like burnt rubber or vinegar so you’re hoping this is one of those takes where the Papyruses and Swap Sans aren't absolutely terrible when it comes to cooking, that they've had enough time to improve and learn that no, glitter is not a key ingredient.

Underfell Papyrus, Swapfell Sans, and regular ol’ Papyrus had been the lucky ones to welcome the newest party crasher (that's you, by the way) to the house. Papyrus had given a rather enthusiastic welcome, complete with bone-crushing (heh) hug. The Fell variants, being not so touchy feely, had merely scowled at you and turned up their skulls in that pretentious manner they’re often presented as being.

Goodness, it was all just so surreal.

You had to tell yourself not to stare because that's rude. Play it off, act as cool as the coolest cucumber. And so you had walked over to the nearby table sat in the middle of the large kitchen and plopped into a seat. Breezily, yet politely because you're no mannerless heathen, you had asked for a bag of popato chisps and Papyrus had all but gasped, affronted that you would choose to eat something so unhealthy—and so soon before dinner! But Sans had shot him some kind of look and the skeleton had ultimately acquiesced. He hadn't done so happily, of course, as he had none too quietly muttered this and that about poor eating habits as he fished a bag from the pantry.

You thanked him when he begrudgingly handed the snack bag to you and had proceeded to munch away while Sans and the Swap Papyrus set about explaining just why exactly a human had trudged up from their basement—and in such lazy attire, no less!

So that leads us back to the present. Underfell Papyrus appears to be taking the news the worst so far, you think. You're not sure, though, he's a hard one to read. Too tsun, too soon.

“SO, HUMAN,” another voice speaks up just as you toss the last popato chisp into your mouth. Judging by the deep, rough rumble not unlike Underfell Sans’s, loud though it may be, you guess it's the only other Sans in the kitchen that is addressing you. When you direct your attention to the source, you are proud to say your deductive skills aren't complete crap.

The Swapfell Sans variant has taken to standing at the table across from you, arms folded over his chest. His sockets are squinted and he's taking advantage of the fact you are sitting down, giving him the height advantage to sneer down at you. Pretentious prick.

Stop being so hot.

“Yes, skeleton,” you reply. His face scrunches up like he smelled something bad and you just smile. 

“WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ON THIS MATTER?” You're not sure how to interpret his tone, nor that question. It sounds like an accusation? Almost as if you're being scolded.

“Uh… Not exactly sure what you mean by that, but uhm… hmm.” You fuss with the popato chisps bag, neatly folding it in on itself--in half, a quarter, an eighth, a sixteenth. “Whether or not you believe me, it's the truth. Where I'm from y’all’re nothing more than fiction and fantasy.” You’re not avoiding meeting their eyes, you're just very interested in this folded up popato chisps bag. It's just so cool. Yup.

The skeleton clicks his tongue and you think you hear the sound of boots tapping out an impatient rhythm.

“PROVE IT,” he says.

That succeeds in drawing your attention.

“Uh…?”

“UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU ARE LYING?” Ah, there's that smug, condescending leer again. You squint at him.

“I'm not lying.”

He waves a hand at you, a signal to, “GO ON, THEN. PROVE IT.”

Your face creases in a rather extreme pout, a breathy exhale forced through your nose. Fine, be that way you pretentious, sexy piece of shit.

You cross your arms and lean back in your chair.

“Well. That’s… there is… there are so many different takes on the AUs that there’s no guarantee anything I say will necessarily add up.” You cast a glance towards Sans, noting he and the rest of the ensemble have paused in whatever bickering they had been involved with with Underfell Papyrus, to listen to you speak. You take that as your cue. “I guess I'll start with the source material. Though bear in mind it's been at least a year or so since I've last played…”

You close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. You exhale just as slowly, attention once more returned to the folded up popato chisps bag as your fingers itch for something to keep busy with.

Whelp. Here goes.

“Undertale is a pixel RPG style game. Its premise being that you don't have to fight. It's a game where your choices matter, and you can choose whether to fight and kill monsters or show them nothing but mercy.” From your peripheral, you don't miss the way Swapfell Sans’s face tightens, nor the way Sans’s posture seems to tense. “You play as a kid whose name you set in the beginning but eventually learn to be named Frisk, who is their own person separate from you, the player. They essentially act as your vessel.

“They fell into the Unground and start in the Ruins, in a bed of golden flowers. You proceed a room over and are introduced to Flowey. In Swapped universes it's often a toss-up between it still being Flowey, a Temmie, or even Monster Kid. Just depends on who’s writing the story.

“So anyway, you proceed through the Ruins. You meet Toriel, who bakes you a butterscotch cinnamon pie in most routes. When you try to leave she tells you about Asgore and how he’ll kill you if you go through the doors leading to the rest of the Underground. He's done so to all those that preceded you, afterall. So you fight Toriel and then trek towards Snowdin from there.” You pointedly don't look at Sans when you say, “You meet Sans just before a bridge and the whole thing is built up to unsettle you. You cross a stick in the middle of the path that winds up cracking behind you, you hear footsteps in the snow but no one’s there, and when you get to the bridge he’s all,” and here you do a poor imitation of Sans’s deep voice, “ ‘H u m a n. Don't you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand.’ It's a cutscene so your character does that and then a rather long, drawn out whoopie cushion fart sound clip plays.” You hear a couple chuckles off to the side. “Things happen, you hide behind a conveniently shaped lamp, you meet Papyrus, you go through Snowdin. You fight Papyrus, get locked in a shed, then proceed through Waterfall and are dogged by Undyne the entire time… you fight her then you go on to Hotland and all its conveyor belts, steam vents, and lasers. Talk to Alphys and fight Mettaton on his ridiculous show… several times. Then it's what… onto the CORE? The soundtrack there’s really neat. So you make your way through the CORE and you wind up fighting Mettaton Ex and the fight's broadcast throughout the entire Underground? So you beat him and then you're in New Home and you wind up getting the tragic backstory for the King and Queen’s kids. Then you fight Asgore… and after that you fight Flowey. And once that's done you've beaten the game. The ending varies depending on what route you're on and the choices you made.” You decide not to say it also depends on which monsters are still left alive.

You’re bending and twisting the piece of garbage in your hands, a bit nervous for whatever reason to meet anyone’s eyes. Honestly, what are you afraid of?

The room is utterly silent--so quiet, in fact, that you would undoubtedly be able to hear the proverbial pin drop. You take a hesitant peek up at your company and your cheeks heat up and there’s a tingling sensation that crawls down your back as you catch the voided stare of the skeletons around you.

You don't know why but you feel compelled to rush out that, “I only ever managed to do neutral pacifist and true pacifist runs…” before quickly averting your gaze back to the mutilated snack bag. Heck. Why aren't they saying anything? They're the ones who asked! And it's not like you did anything! You didn't bring yourself here, didn't put yourself into this impossible scenario!

Someone say something already!

There's a loud clap and you're ashamed to admit that you very nearly jump out of your seat at the abrupt noise.

“WELL!” Papyrus speaks up, drawing your attention. “I BELIEVE THE HUMAN! THEIR STORY CERTAINLY DOES ADD UP WITH WHAT TRANSPIRED HERE, WITH OUR HUMAN FRIEND. DOESN’T IT, BROTHER?”

Oh bless your beautiful, sweet bones, Papyrus!

All eyes turn to Sans and oh boy. He's doing that blank eye socket thing and he’s sweating.

“y-yeah,” he eventually manages as he brings a bony palm to scrape across the top of his skull. “yeah, paps is right, it checks out.”

Your shoulders slump as tension leaves you. Man, you're going to wind up with all kinds of knots at this rate. The errant thought of whether or not skeletons would be good at giving massages crosses your mind but you stuff it down. Now’s not the time. Maybe later. …maybe.

“WELL. BE THAT AS IT MAY,” Swapfell Sans begins, “THAT DOES NOT EXPLAIN HER APPEARANCE HERE, NOR WHAT SHALL BE DONE WITH HER.”

A cold chill rushes down your spine and your stomach flips. They're not going to throw you out, are they?

Op. There's that tension again.

You shift your gaze to Papyrus, eyes pleading.

“WELL OF COURSE SHE WILL STAY HERE, WITH US!”

Oh sweet baby Jesus, Papyrus you are a saint. That's it, he is absolutely your new favorite.

Underfell Papyrus, on the other hand… he sputters. “I SHOULD THINK NOT!” he protests, gloved hands slamming onto the table. You don't jolt at that, you don't. “WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS HUMAN AND YOU WOULD SUGGEST WE KEEP IT HERE? WHERE WE ARE MOST VULNERABLE? PREPOSTEROUS!”

Your brows furrow.

“What?” It's not like you're going to try and dust them in their sleep or anything, what the heck, man.

“OH YOU HEARD ME, HUMAN. I AM WELL AWARE OF YOUR KIND, HOW CONNIVING YOU CAN BE.”

You mouth a silent, “what?” Because… what?

“Uh… I mean. Not that I'm… not uh… flattered? That you’re apparently so intimidated by me but… I wouldn't… I uh… I'm not an asshole.”

Oh dang. Are his cheeks turning red?

… 

Holy shit???

They are!

“I AM NOT INTIMIDATED BY SOMEONE AS WEAK AND PATHETIC AS YOU!” he denies, booted foot slamming against the linoleum as he stands straight, arms crossing over his chest. “I AM MERELY BEING CAUTIONS, WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR THESE GULLIBLE, IDIOTIC CREAMPUFFS!” 

There’s a chuckle, low and deep and sexy. Your eyes flit to Swapfell Sans. There’s an amused air about him, his sharp-toothed grin more relaxed than before.

“I AM NOT AGAINST THE HUMAN STAYING HERE. OF COURSE WE WOULD NEED THE REST OF THE HOUSE TO WEIGH IN ON THE DECISION, BUT SHE IS CLEARLY NO THREAT. SHOULD SHE TRY ANYTHING, SHE WOULD BE EASY ENOUGH TO DISPATCH.”

“Uh… thanks? …I think??” You're a bit on the fence with that reasoning. Also isn't that kind of a threat?

“TCH. SUIT YOURSELVES,” Underfell Papyrus sneers. “BUT DO NOT COME CRYING TO ME WHEN IT ATTEMPTS TO DUST YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.” And much like his brother had in the basement, the edgy skeleton makes an abrupt exit.

Funny how he had voiced your thought, though.

“Should… I be worried about him?” you ask the room.

You're a bit surprised when Underswap Papyrus speaks up, as he had been rather quiet since coming up from the basement. “nah, he’s just a worrywart.”

“I… if you say so…” You're not entirely convinced but, well. Your options are kind of limited.

You're about to ask something else when a rather shrill BEEEEEP cuts through the kitchen.

“AH. THAT WOULD BE DINNER.” Swapfell Sans announces. He turns away from the table and all of you grouped there, to attend to the oven.

And it's only after he says something that you finally register the rather pleasant scent wafting through the air. It entices your hunger, your mouth watering as your stomach grumbles quietly. Popato chisps aren't very filling, after all.

[sweetdeathwrites]

You Are The Right One

Pairing: Gokudera Hayato/Reader

Summary: Gokudera knows what you mean to him. But what does he mean to you? 

Warnings: fluff, romance, some sexual situations/suggestiveness (i.e. Gokudera is thirsty), angst

Word Count: 6,929

(Songfic to You Are The Right One by Sports)

(re/cross?posted from my AO3 and Luna! Original A/N below)

(Hi!! I know I've been gone a long time and I'm SORRY!! I've been going through a lot of stuff (I've been in 3 productions since the last time I've posted .. i think it's only 3.. but I've been a NAMED character in 2 out of 3!! the third one doesn't count bc it was a bunch of skits and so strict plot... so i guess that means... i was a named character in BOTH of my productions?~ I just performed in Grease 2 days ago on friday as Jan, my twinkie girl!! I got to eat twinkies on stage!! It was v exciting and I had a blast! some people I know from the hawaii theatre came down to see me and one of my dad's movie friends and they loved me! one of them told my mom i'm going to broadway! haha!!! ^v^ isn't that sweet? I don't think so but that's a lovely hope, isn't it? I'd like to dedicate this fic to someone who means the world to me, the lovely GuardianAngel07! I love you so much and I know that you're going through a lot right now and I just want you to know I'm always here for you, no matter what, and I know that you are busy and have a lot on your mind, and I just want you to know I'm never mad if we don't talk for a while! I think you get a little worried and feel guilty when we don't talk, but that's not it at all! I care for you so much and if your mental health needs you to take a break, then TAKE that break, honey!!!1! I'm always here to support you and I want what's best for you, mentally, physically, and emotionally!! I care for you a whole lot, okay? I'm always in your corner!!! I'm sorry that this fic isn't what I originally planned to gift to you (the original was much sweeter!! and less angsty!!) but this was the one that was most finished and I figured that anything with our lovely KHR boys would help to cheer you up! I hope you like it!!,, Uhm.... I've also got a lot planned! I released a LONG hannibal fic on AO3 and it's not the best bc I started it 2 years ago.yikes... but I'm finally gonna write for it again after a year but I'm going to revamp it (at least fix the grammar!) before I release it here! It's v violent and prolly gonna get really sexual too, so there's a warning, but i'll warn again when I actually post it. to be truthful, I had this almost fully done for months. I just hated it and hated it and hated it. I've been hating my writing a lot recently which isn't good bc I want to finish a book before I graduate and I'm taking an AP english exam on the 16th, so it's awful timing. I haven't been doing the best but I'm looking forward to summer........ only 18 more days left before I'm free.... then I have summer then I'm a senior and ..yikes....;;; but I've got some summer plans! I'm going to cut and dye my hair (I just realized nothing is stopping me from getting a Guzma cut and dye... then I can dye my hair pink!! and any other color after!!!) and I'll visit a friend in alaska, then I'll get a job somewhere.......... i got no college fund........... sorry for dragging on and on!! uhhhh just expect more from me (hopefully soon..... @GuardianAngel07 i hope ur ready for more awful songfics from me.... because i've written some reeeeaaaaallll angsty and sad ones, already with u in mind!! why do you always get the worst of the bunch.......,,,) love u all! and please leave a review if u enjoyed this! I seriously would've stopped posting all together if it wasn't for some incredibly kind people (looking at you, GA07!!) and a recent review for my hannibal fic on AO3 (or rather, reviews. yes, this person left MULTIPLE. very detailed and heartfelt, and I was giddy for days after!! So if you want more, PLEASE leave a review!! it's not fun to post and feel like you're just yelling into a void!! yell back at me!)

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You were the right way I was just waiting for you to look at me Is there a wrong time? Baby, I’m guessing Just let me know He can never get a break, can he? Gokudera sighed, smoke curling past his lips into the chill autumn air. The leaves were just beginning to change color and he cursed how the light cast amber shadows over the smooth plane of your face, cursed how he couldn’t trace the honey light with his fingertips and kiss the darkness away. His tongue clicked against his teeth and he took another drag of his cigarette. Hayato tried to ignore you. He really did. But how can he, when you look as good as you do with a rose-pink blush that covers your cheeks and ears when someone cracks a joke that makes you laugh until you can barely catch your breath? How your jaw drops open in delight before you remember where you are and hide your smile with your hand– something he desperately hoped you would lose the habit of because, god, did you look pretty when you smiled– and blot away the joyful tears in your eyes? How could he not give you his complete, undivided attention when you were as sugar-sweet as you were? His jade eyes flickered back to you again, almost against his will. Your face was bright, eyes glinting in the soft light of the dying afternoon as you teased one of your friends, grinning widely as they swiped playfully at you in return. Gokudera groaned and his head slumped back against the pillar he was leaning against a little too quick, sending an unpleasant shock up his spine. “Shit,” he hissed, stomping out his cigarette on the concrete behind Namimori High and massaging the back of his skull gingerly. What a day. First, Tsuna and Yamamoto had nearly been killed on their way to school again; of course, Gokudera saved both of them, although Yamamoto he saved slightly more reluctantly. Gokudera was strong– of course he was, he wasn’t Tsuna’s right hand for nothing. He just wished he could prove to you that he was strong enough for you, too… Then, that bastard that patrolled the school like some kind of obsessive freak was on his back again. Something about being late for class. Reborn showed up and solved the matter rather quickly, but that didn’t keep Gokudera from steaming out the ears for another hour or so. But the worst part of the day? It was definitely you, without a doubt. You filled his head, turning his thoughts and coherency to cotton in his head and made his mouth as dry as summer. Summer… Gokudera remembered, during lunch period, that you had gone to the beach with him and his friends. You wore a red bathing suit. Red as the fireworks at the summer festival, where he almost told you his feelings but panicked at the last second– but that was a story for another time–and, at one point, clung to his arm to whine about how hot the sun was, and how you were definitely going to get a sunburn. When Gokudera grumbled something back to you about reapplying sunscreen you had winked at him, grinning wide and asking if he wanted to help you with that. By then, there was no doubt in his mind that his milky skin was as red as your bathing suit. From his blushing, dazed haze, you managed to squeeze a frozen lemonade and a plain vanilla ice cream out of him and his wallet. “Share?” you gently cocked your head to one side and held out the icy drink for Gokudera to taste. His mouth was incredibly dry, as it always seemed to be around you– damn you, and damn him for being so weak for you– and he hesitated. You sipped your lemonade languidly and blinked up at him, heavy eyelashes fluttering and all doe-eyed, and his chest clenched in such a way that it brought him agony and ecstasy in equal measure. “Hm?” you hummed, waiting for an answer. He opened his mouth to deny your offer when a heavy stream of melted ice cream rolled down the side of the cone and over your hand. A surprised yelp and a curse left your throat as you hurried to clean the treat off of the cone. When you switched the cone to your other hand to lick the drops of vanilla from your palm, Gokudera’s brain snapped back to being fully functional and he hurriedly agreed to sharing with you. As you complained once again about the heat and the lack of more interesting ice cream flavors at the snack bar, Gokudera thought of how silly he was being for thinking of sharing the ice cream as an indirect kiss– an indirect tongue kiss, more accurately. But more honestly, it was more like the two of you just swapped spit–but that’s not a very pleasant thing to think of, no matter how much he liked you. He wasn’t in middle school anymore; he shouldn’t be so swayed by this! He shouldn’t feel so hot and his heart shouldn’t be beating so fast. A cool ocean breeze swept your hair away from your face as you shook ice chunks in your frozen lemonade, loosening them enough to drink. Gokudera turned his gaze to the clear blue sea, his friends wading in it, and the lazy scrawl of puffy white clouds across the sky and he wondered if he could gather the courage to ask for a sip of the lemonade, too. If he was only going to get an indirect kiss, he wanted a proper one. Slowly coming out of his reverie, Gokudera realized he had been looking at you the whole time. The shade that Namimori cast over him wasn’t enough to cool his embarrassed blush and he hoped you hadn’t noticed. Gokudera nearly jumped out of his skin when something in his pocket buzzed. He fished out his phone– obviously, of course it was his phone. He must be more tired than he thought, to be startled by his own phone. [Baseball Freak] whatcha lookin at? Snapping his head up, Gokudera scanned his surroundings, looking for any sign of Yamamoto. God, how embarrassing to be caught staring at his crush by the person most likely to tease him about it… [Baseball Freak] up here Yamamoto was leaning out of one of the windows of a classroom far above Gokudera’s head, waving at him without a care in the world. It was then that Gokudera remembered why he was waiting outside at all, staring at you so wistfully– Tsuna and Takeshi had to attend an after school remedial session for their poor grades… No matter how many tutoring sessions they both received from Reborn and Hayato and a variety of other eccentric characters that always seemed to appear out of nowhere, they still couldn’t retain anything they learned… especially not math. Shaking his head angrily, the silver haired boy punched out a response to him but his phone buzzed again before he could send it. [Baseball Freak] see something over there u like? I think u do~~~ aren’t they just sooo cute?? >///7///<   Gokudera bit his tongue. How dare Yamamoto say that about you?! It was true, he had to admit, but his pride was hurt from being so easily caught, heart read with such dead-on accuracy that he responded the only way he knew how to. [Me] PISS OFF A rich laugh filled the air above him and only served to spur Gokudera on, cracking his knuckles, clenching his jaw, and wishing he could beat Takeshi into taking what he said back. [Baseball Freak] u know, if u don’t make a move, someone else will………….they’re so pretty and smart and nice!! who wouldn’t want to date them?~ Gokudera’s rage calmed, eerily still. He knew that someone would make a move on you if he didn’t soon. He didn’t miss the way that the boys in the class would offer to carry your bags and would do anything to get just a little closer to you to sling their arms around your shoulders, pretending to show you something in a book, and to breathe in your light perfume. Or the way that girls would bite their lips and giggle when you told a joke and how they would bat their eyelashes and tease you and play with your hair just a little too much for it to be considered strictly friendly. Hayato knew he wasn’t the only person looking to add you to his dating pool and he also knew he wasn’t the best candidate to win your heart. It was a subject that often haunted his brain late at night, a miasma of doubt and self-hatred that cut deep into his heart when no one was there to see him cry. He was too loud, too violent, and too crude for someone like you to fall for. Too dangerous. It didn’t help that Yamamoto was the polar opposite of him– warm, friendly, and kind enough to be anyone’s dream man. And it definitely didn’t help that Yamamoto often wrapped his arm around your shoulders and brought you into his chest when there was nothing else for him to do with his hands. That happened often and made Gokudera more broken hearted than he would ever admit. [Baseball Freak] so? r u gonna say anything to them???? Gokudera had his heart set on you but his brain told him, quite logically, that you would never like someone like him back. Whoever said that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all was a damn fool. [Me] mind ur business. Up above, there was a sigh loud enough for Gokudera to hear and he knew instantly that he had made the wrong move. He looked up just in time to hear Yamamoto call your name in a sing-songy voice, to see him through weak, orange sun rays, waving cheerfully at you. Gokudera snapped his gaze to you to see your hair bounce with each cute head turn as you looked for the source of the voice. Yamamoto called your name again and Gokudera registered that not only had he used your first name but he added a “-chan” to the end of it– what a double-crossing bastard! You found him and Hayato’s lungs felt tight, but not as a result of his chain-smoking. Your face lit up–your pretty, beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous face– and you yelled back a greeting and swung your arms around wildly back at Takeshi, heels lifting off the ground in delight with your ministrations. Hayato’s gaze flickered back up to Takeshi just in time to see the brunet pointing down at him vigorously. Your sight followed Takeshi’s direction and you locked gazes with Hayato. His breath caught somewhere between his throat and chest and his heart pounded against his ribcage, furiously trying to escape this terribly humiliating situation. Just let me know As soon as you saw him, your eyes widened slightly and you gave him an embarrassed, genuine smile as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It was strange; he didn’t think that you had anything to be embarrassed about. You were deathly adorable when excited, even if it was because you were excited to see that baseball idiot. He hoped to whatever higher being that was out there– and he knew something was out there: aliens, at least– that he hadn’t imagined that sweet, pink blush that dusted your cheeks and ears and ran down your neck. He was smiling back at you, equally as shyly, before he knew it. Well, it’s been a long time Since you’ve been lonely So what will I do? You are the right one And I’m just a boy who Is looking at you “Hey, Hayato?” you called. His spine straightened, vertebra by vertebra, at the sound of your voice. You had used his first name– sure, you had been doing it for a while, but still every time you called him so endearingly, it sent hot, smoky electricity up his spine. The way the bed sheets creased under your small body and lazy afternoon sunlight dappled your visage had his head reeling. There you were, lounging and at peace with the world, in his apartment, in his bed. “What?” He didn’t mean to sound so brusque– but then again, he doesn’t mean many of the things he says with his angry disposition. Especially to you. “Why do you turn down everyone that confesses to you? Don’t you want to… well… I don’t know, fool around with someone? I mean, we’re in highschool, this is supposed to be the most reckless time of our lives, right? Why not live a little?” Your head tilted to the side, hair falling into your eyes. His fingers itched to brush it out of your face and your own fingers played with something on your phone. Probably texting, some faceless guy or girl, flirting, playing coy and– “Hayato?” He shivered, loving how his name sounded on your soft lips. “I don’t know, idiot. I’m mean, but not mean enough to do something like that to some kid stupid enough to think they like me.” He settles for brushing his own hair out of his face. You turn over on your stomach, “I guess…” Something about your tone when you say that makes Gokudera narrow his eyes in suspicion. Did something happen to you to make you upset? Why were you bringing up this topic now? Why were you bringing it up to him? “I just think it’s a waste, y’know?” you ran a hand through your hair and locked your phone, placing it to the side. Your eyes slid closed and Hayato realized how close your head was to his lap, how easily he could pet your hair and have you doze off in his embrace. You looked sleepy enough anyway– would a little nap hurt the both of you? “Hayato, don’t you know how handsome you are?” you mumbled dreamily. “You could get anyone you want, anyone, and you chose to sit here and do nothing. Why?” Hayato couldn’t think. His head was full of steel wool and his blood thrummed loudly through him. You called him handsome. You called him handsome. When his breath came back to him in a barely noticeable gasp, he couldn’t filter the words that tumbled out of his mouth. “I can’t.” “What?” your eyes slowly opened and you leaned up on an elbow, looking quizzically up at him. “I can’t get anyone I want.” “Why not?” His lungs filled shallowly and he turned his face away from you, focusing on the empty street below, through his room’s window. The sun cast golden light and deep, lavender shadows across the world and Hayato knew that if he looked at you right now, everything would go to shit. He’d see your face; all the perfections and beautiful flaws and you would see through him as if he were glass blown, see how desperate he was for you and how his insides were twisting and trembling in fear and reverence, in equal measure, of your power over him. You would recoil, disgust drawn over your lovely face in terribly sharp lines and you would see how his heart would break over and over again. “Sometimes you just can’t.” Your lips curled into a frown and his brows furrowed; he could tell that much by your silence. Unsatisfied with his answer, you huffed and threw yourself back down on the bed, the crown of your head knocking against his thigh. Your hair splayed out around your face, angelic, and Hayato was lucky that your eyes had once again shut to accept the call of the dream world, because if they hadn’t, you would’ve seen how absolutely helpless he looked, gazing at you. So what will I do? His tongue darted out to smooth over his dry lower lip and he felt the faint sting of the thin skin there– cracked. He tasted iron and swallowed thickly. Gokudera wished he was closer to you, so much closer to you than he was, but he was doubtful his heart would be able to handle that. Your breathing started to slow and Hayato found his hand smoothing over your soft hair and you jolted violently, startling the both of you. You stared up at him, eyes full of stars and planets far away, and he laughed airily. He shook his head, silently telling you, No, don’t wake up just yet, everything’s fine. You accepted this without question and closed your eyes again. This time, Hayato gently slid his hands under your head and guided you towards his lap. He arranged himself comfortably on an array of flattened pillows and stroked your hair as you lay, safe and happy in his lap. A single eye peeked at him– slyly, cat-like– before you hummed and shifted closer to him. A contented sigh slipped through Hayato’s lips and he himself started to feel drowsy. In his dreamy stupor, his hand trailed down your face, down your neck, and down, down your arm until he had your fingers gently entwined with his. Sure, it may have just been an unconscious reaction, but the way your hand squeezed his back made his dreams lovely and surreal and hallucinatory, in all the best ways. I tried the wrong way I was guessing Biding my time You are the only One I can picture By my side “Gokudera, what’s up?” Takeshi nodded at the silver-haired bomber as he approached, strangely insightful today with his clear, milk chocolate eyes. The boy in question merely grumbled vaguely, hands shoved deep in his pockets, as if he was fishing for the answer to Yamamoto’s question down there as well. “That bad, huh?” Gokudera rolled his eyes. It wasn’t rare for him and Yamamoto to arrive at Tsuna’s house before the young mafia boss could flee from it, already anxious and sweaty. Today was no different. “Hey, at least you tried, right?” Yamamoto offered a weak smile, knowing how much you meant to Gokudera. His shoulders were hiked up to his ears and Takeshi didn't miss how the hot, red ring on Gokudera’s cigarette quickly crawled down to the filter before he was tapping out another from his near-empty box and sucking on the new cigarette, lighting it with the dying butt of the used one. He tossed the old one down and ground it into the asphalt. Takeshi frowned. The baseball star shifted the bag on his shoulder uncomfortably, his bats for after school practice clinking metallically. “ … I didn't.” Gokudera kept his gaze locked on a lamp post down the block. Takeshi blinked, not expecting a response from Gokudera’s sunken frame. “What?” “I didn't try.” It took Takeshi a moment to understand what Gokudera meant before grimacing with a little more than a dash of friendly pity in his eyes. He shifted his weight from his hip, seeking to comfort Gokudera, but decided against it at the last moment. “Why?” his voice came out in a gentle rasp. Gokudera still refused to look at him, green eyes clouded and trained on a particularly colorful poster on that singular lamp post. Seconds ticked by before Hayato groaned and dragged a hand down his face, pinching his cigarette in frustration with his other hand. “I can’t! I just can’t. I know they don’t feel the same and I know I’ll break if they have to say it to my face. I can’t handle that. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle that. God, Yamamoto, I just can’t take that chance.” Being around them is– it’s just too much and too little for me to take– I’m going crazy here, driving myself in circles and spinning out, spinning my goddamn wheels because of them. It’s fuckin’ sickening but I don’t want a cure. I feel so helpless and I hate it, I never want to feel this way again. What the hell did I do to deserve this?” Gokudera’s eyes snapped shut, face contorted in agony. “I can’t tell them. I can’t. I want them to be happy. It’s better this way anyway. I’m not good enough.” Gokudera’s voice cracked on his last word before his declaration faded into the morning’s stillness. Yamamoto was insulted– his best friend talking about himself this way? Not in a million years, if he had any say in it– but Gokudera snapped at him before he could get a word in. “And don’t say shit about me being good enough, because we both know I’m not good enough for them. I’ll never be good enough, Yamamoto, that’s not me. I wouldn’t be able to hold them as much as I should, to kiss their gorgeous fucking face– I wouldn’t be able to be fucking honest, Takeshi. They deserve more than the bullshit excuses I’d spew to cover our fucking asses when we get the crap kicked out of us on a bi-weekly basis. They don’t deserve that.” Silence weighed like velvet over the two of them and the sun was now calling out songbirds, sleepy murmurs from the neighborhood beginning to wake from the heavy slumber of the night. Yamamoto didn’t know what to say anymore and Gokudera put the cigarette back where it belonged: between his lips, funneling poison straight to his lungs. “ … I don’t think it’s like that, Hayato. You’re being too harsh on yourself. I really don’t think they feel that way about you.” Hayato said nothing and kept his eyes glued to that single poster again. Yamamoto reached out and awkwardly patted his shoulder, mustering as much comfort as he could before he knew he would overstay his welcome. Hayato needed time to clear his head. “ … I’ll go inside to check up on Tsuna. Come inside soon, alright?” The response that didn’t meet him was enough to know Gokudera wouldn’t get better as quick as that. Takeshi sighed in sorrowful compassion before slowly making his way to Tsuna’s front door, carefully piecing together his cheerful mask yet again. The door shut quietly, and voices and vague, worrisome sounds came from within. Gokudera raised his hand to scrub furiously at his misty eyes, his bracelets clinking together and rings scraping his face and leaving thin, red lines around his eyes. He leaned back against the wall around his best friend’s house and his head banged against the concrete, painful and painfully familiar to something that had happened recently, involving you. “Fuck,” he hissed into the empty street. Class was boring, as it always was. There was nothing that could entertain him that was in Namimori’s curriculum. Tsuna managed to convince Gokudera to take college classes too, so that his development wouldn’t stall (and also because Gokudera being bored meant a bit more trouble for Tsuna, but he was genuinely concerned about Gokudera’s personal growth). But even those classes were much too easy for him. Something that wasn’t easy? Seeing you every damn day and not being able to do a thing about it. Getting closer, getting further, cutting you off completely– he couldn’t bring himself to do any of those. Gokudera tapped the eraser end of his pencil against his desk and sighed, staring out the classroom window into the clear blue sky. He couldn’t wait for summer again but, boy, did he like seeing you all bundled up in wool and cashmere and simply drowning in soft fabrics and cozy patterns. You were so cute with your nose red from the cold, lips burning pink from being bitten so much– he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, no, he would take this to his grave– but what he wouldn’t give to be the one to bite your lips instead, to hear you whimper and moan, just for him, and– A small collision with the side of his head brought him out of his daydreams. Curious and annoyed, Hayato brought a hand up to his hair and picked out a crumpled wad of paper. Who the hell had the balls to throw shit at him? He was still the scariest guy in Namimori (and no, Hibari doesn’t count, either). If anything, he should be terrorizing the rest of the class. Taking a less than subtle glance around the room, he caught your eyes staring at him eagerly. Taking a moment to compose himself, he averted his gaze to your note instead. Of course it was you that threw it at him. Who else? Wanna go to a bakery after school? Kyoko-chan was talking about it earlier and I can’t get it out of my head… I’ll pay if u want!! I want cake~~~ Hayato didn’t hold back the happy grin that spread over his face, sparing a glance at you, impatiently waiting for his reply, before scribbling something in his mostly neat penmanship under your barely legible chicken scratch. No need to pay. But yeah, that sounds p cool. Meet me right after school at the front gates? The teacher still had his back turned to the class, writing something that Gokudera already knew on the blackboard, droning on and on about logs and bases and inverses and irrational numbers or something equally useless. He knocked his hand back and threw from the shoulder, the small, now neatly folded note landing in the middle of your desk. You snatched it up quickly, hiding it just in time for the teacher to turn around and call on one of your classmates to answer a question. Gokudera couldn’t see you unfold the note but your arms were moving under the desk and you grabbed a pencil off the desk too. Gokudera remembered that pencil; it was thin, cute, and pink– with a brown bear on top. The bear held a red heart and its nose was in the same cute shape. There were patterns of hearts and stars in red and yellow and white, and Gokudera knew all of this because Kyoko had helped him pick it out to give it to you for your birthday. He thought giving you a gift with so many hearts was a bit forward– tactless, even– but Kyoko gave him a stern look and told him that nothing he could do would be forward enough when it came to you and, spluttering and flushed, he tried to deny his affections for you but only ended up confessing how he felt about you to Kyoko. Smiling gently like the angel she is, Kyoko let him talk her ear off about you for nearly an hour and a half. She earned a milkshake and a slice of strawberry cake for her bravery. You spun in your chair, clutching the edge of it in your small hand, and flicked the paper back to him. The message was a little more timid, he noticed. actually, can we meet on the roof after school?.. I have something I want to talk to u about, but it shouldn’t take long… We can go straight to the bakery if u don’t want to, tho!!!!! ^v^;; Gokudera recognized how you were trying to hide something from him with your overwhelming facade of consideration. Whenever you felt insecure about something, you always spent time making sure other people felt more comfortable and happy than you were, as if that would make you feel better yourself. A frown carried over his pale face and when he looked up, you were staring at him again. This time, you seemed to have carefully examined his face and your brows were furrowed. As soon as you met his eyes, you jumped, shaking your head and waving your hands to tell him, Don’t mind me, it’s nothing. Gokudera was just about to pen down a reply when the teacher turned around again and began talking to the class, not looking like he was going to turn his back on Gokudera any time soon. Hayato caught your eyes with his green ones and nodded quickly, mouthing ‘I’ll be there.’ Lunch was as it normally was. That is, filled with shouts and explosions and general chaos. However, this lunch period was noisier than it previously had been; a fact that only would have been noticed by the people present if they paid very careful attention to their volume. Gokudera noticed. Damn right, he noticed. Sure, you usually sat next to Takeshi. Sure, you had a habit of clinging to him as you laughed and whispering in his ear. And sure, sometimes you would call him Take-chan as you fed him bits of your own bentou– a fact that pissed Gokudera off endlessly. But what was different? Today you were nestled in Yamamoto’s side, tucked neatly away under his arm which alternated from wrapping around your shoulders to hold you to him and pulling you in by your waist to bring you nearly onto his lap. It stung Gokudera something awful. Watching the two of you laugh and whisper to each other felt like you had run Hayato’s heart over shrapnel and soothed his wounds with lemon and salt. He averted his jealous, but startlingly gentle gaze from you to the sky above you, willing tears not to come and cursing himself for feeling this way about you. “Hey, Take-chan!” You tugged on his shirt, the fabric over his chest, to bring his attention back to you. “Hmm?” You stole a glance at Gokudera and whispered giddily into Yamamoto’s ear. When you’re finished, Yamamoto made a sound that can only be described as pure elation, and he tugged you in even closer, tickling you in the process. You laughed and shrieked at him to stop and he only did so when you’re nearly in tears. Tsuna is having a muted conversation with Gokudera and he is trying to pay attention– honest– Gokudera is trying so goddamn hard, but it’s next to impossible when a grass-green snake hisses low in his belly over you writhing and laughing so happily in Takeshi’s lap. Yamamoto whispered hotly back into your ear and Gokudera sees something he wished he would never see from the two of you: you, with a hot blush crawling up your neck and Takeshi with his face practically in the crook of it, grinning all pearly white and eyes staring at you with such fucking dedicated tunnel vision. Gokudera wasn’t hungry anymore. Lunch ended and you gave Yamamoto one last quick hug before cleaning up your trash and putting everything away that you wanted to keep. Gokudera was slower than normal, taking all the time in the world and then some to get ready for class again. The door to the roof clanged shut and Gokudera let out a heavy sigh, eyes closed and trying to feel everything that he could– everything except his feelings, that is. He relished the cool breath of wind that blew against his face, tossing his hair around and whistling softly to him. He took account of the ground beneath him, hard and sturdy, and the sounds of teenagers filtering back into the school, complaining about their classes and each other. The one thing he didn’t hear–not until it was too late– was you. “Hayato?” you tugged on the back of his shirt, scaring him witless. He yelped like a kicked puppy and spun around to face you, composure long lost. He tried to say something but nothing left his lips; nothing coherent, at least. The hand that grasped his shirt didn’t cease touching him. It got even closer than before as you took a step, and then another, into his personal space. The height difference between you was just too much for him to handle and Gokudera felt himself simultaneously trying to pale and flush, unsure which won over in the end. Your hand slid along his waist, his side, and up his chest lightly. The smile that took root on your face was weak and bashful, even– and you bumped your forehead on his chest before you looked back up at him, an emotion he didn’t recognize dancing in your eyes. “Don’t forget, we’re meeting here after school, Hayato. You wouldn’t want to keep me waiting, would you?” Your finger tapped his chest teasingly, adding another beat to his pulse and he felt fire crawl up the base of spine at your nail scraping through his shirt. You blinked curiously up at him and his voice whispered to you, hoarse and against his will, “No, I wouldn’t.” Satisfied with that, you made sure that he had everything he had brought up to the roof with him, promptly forced him to offer his elbow to you, and curled yourself happily over his arm before leading the both of you down the stairs to finish the rest of the day’s lessons. The roof was empty except for Gokudera. As soon as school was over, he bid Tsuna and Yamamoto goodbye, telling them not to wait up for him. Yamamoto had a big, stupid grin on his face– But when does he not? Gokudera rationalized. There was something about that smile that showed that he knew more than he let on but Gokudera was much too preoccupied with thoughts of you to care. He leaned against the rails, not trusting it to hold him, careful not to put too much weight on it. He took a steadying breath. Breathe. It’s fine. Nothing’s wrong. But no matter what he told himself to stop the rapid, staccato drumming in his chest, his anxieties were not relieved in the slightest. He was afraid– god, how he was afraid. What did you want to talk to him about? Did you not want to be friends anymore? Did you grow tired of him? Did… Did you want to tell him you were dating Takeshi? “Hayato?” oh fuck Gokudera jumped. The amount of times you scared him witless was embarrassingly high. “Hey.” You smiled slightly. “Hey.” Something about you was different. Something was… off. The way your eyes drifted from him every other second before coming back to his concerned gaze was unusual, but even more unusual was the way your hands fidgeted behind your back. “So,” Hayato tried to get the words to come out. The light breeze that tossed your hair around your face in a halo didn’t help much, but he appreciated it anyway. “What’d you wanna talk about? I’m hungry as fuck.” It slipped out– Hayato’s cursing habit hijacked his mouth, nerves making him go on autopilot. At least you took it well; your eyes glinted in amusement and some of the tension between the two of you dissipated. A pink tongue darted out to soothe your dry lips and Hayato was a little too aware of it. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while, but I just didn’t know how to tell you– it’s a bit… embarrassing, so don’t make fun of me, okay?” Your mouth was set in a firm line, eyes pleading and vulnerable. “Sure.” That wasn’t the reply you wanted but it was what it was. By my side “I…” you began, then lost the words you had planned. “You?..” Gokudera offered. He wasn’t sure he was ready for what you wanted to tell him or what it entailed, but he was sure that if it meant your happiness, he would do anything at all to keep you smiling. “It’s just that… You know, I–” you fumble over your words, frustration visible on your face. Gokudera scolded himself for thinking of you in this way when you so clearly don’t want him but he can’t help it. He’s worried over your affect on him before, but he never considered how weak he is to you or how strong your natural beauty is under the glow of a late afternoon and the crinkle of your brow with your courageous efforts… courageous efforts that you try to spell out but they fail, perched above your tongue. Your soft hands come down in frustration upon the hem of your shirt and you try again, slip again, and Gokudera is privy to the realization that this isn’t something he should take lightly any longer, no matter how much it calms his nerves or keeps him from facing the possible reality of him losing you. He leans forward to grasp your hands from distressing your shirt, to keep you from distressing yourself, with full knowledge that this moment could be the end of you allowing him to be graced with your presence. Hayato decided that your momentary comfort before unleashing hell on him was worth more than a thousand lifetimes of you by his side in the masquerade mask of lukewarm passion if you backed down from rejecting him now. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” And he touched you and nearly recoiled when your face whipped up to meet his, nearly let go of you because your skin was hot as forged iron and nearly as red. He tried to let go but you wouldn’t stand for it, as you used his hands over your shoulders as leverage to place your palms, clammy and shaking, over his smooth cheekbones and bring his face down to yours. Hayato’s eyes were wide as he met your lips, glossed and smooth and clearly prepped for this specific moment, specific kiss, specifically with him and he could have withered away in embarrassment of his rough mouth and nicotine lungs if it weren’t for how warm you were against him and how securely you held him, despite how insecure you had been seconds prior. Gokudera barely has the brains left to close his eyes on the skyline of Namimori but when he does he sees stars and he kisses you back and there’s a scrape of his teeth against your bottom lip and you shiver and he groans into you and now he’s just as red, if not redder, than you are. A slick noise of separation, then the both of you don’t know how to deal with the awkward intimacy of it, or what to do with your hands, but Hayato managed to gather enough sense– or maybe he’s running on what he’s fantasized on doing after your first kiss together and is on a daydream-guided autopilot– and he brings you into a tight hug and buried his head into your wild hair. You laugh into his chest and when he tried to bring you out to ask you why, you clung to his wrinkled white shirt even more and blindly found his hands, tangled with his bracelets and rings, then laced your fingers soundly with his. Gokudera can hardly believe the kiss happened, can believe he’s still alive even less, but he’s sure you can hear the quickened palpitations of his heart and that notion does no good for his health either. You’re an absolute dream and Gokudera is ready and happy to die right there, but you pull away from him, hands still interwoven, and smile so beautifully that he is sure that angels exist and you’re the vision of seraphim, disguised as human so barely that if you were anymore angelic he would surely fall dead where he stood, kiss-dizzy and sweetly dazed. From his dazed mouth, stupidity falls out. “So what was it that you had to tell me?” You laugh and press a kiss– more confidently this time– to his collarbone. At his affirmative, stuttered, elated hum, you press another and another, up his neck and jawline and chin until you reach his lips again and he kisses you back with adoration and love and his still evolving understanding of your feelings for him. “I’m not sure how to say it any clearer,” you said with a laugh that rang like the church bells that sounded in Gokudera’s head as clearly as he imaged they would on your wedding day, as he pressed his own kisses all over your face and held you close with the intention of treasuring you as long as he had a pulse and then some. “Hayato, I really, really like you.” And that was the day that Gokudera Hayato had come to face the reality, one that he had long accepted, that he loved you more than anything and you felt the same, but most importantly, that you were the right one for him. And that he was the right one for you.

[dukeofriven]

Re-Reading Good Omens After Fifteen-Plus Years: A Review

[I a so sorry I didn’t get a chance to finish it before the show dropped the way i wanted - I had to bow out of Tumblr for most of the last few weeks to focus on a project. Bugger bugger bugger. Here it is now, later that I would have liked. Apologies, gentle readers. Spoilers, obviously for the whole book] I last read Good Omens some fifteen to seventeen years ago for probably the tenth or even twentieth time. I read it a lot. In the heady days of... I want to say grade ten?... no book seemed smarter, wiser, made me laugh more, and me feel smarter for having read it. I think my order of operations was all the Discworld books (up to, or just before, Night Watch) -> Good Omens ->  Sandman, with the later changing how I understood the nature of story itself (but that’s for another day.) I suspect that Good Omens, along with The West Wing, Tolkien, and The Golden Compass, along with an enormous Colonial Chip on my shoulder (and a pretentious stick up the ass) eventually led me to becoming a Classicist after a brief and dreadful dalliance with the theatre. At the very least it certainly helped. So, what do I know think of Good Omens, a book I once read at least ten times (probably more) back when I re-read favourite books the way other people  breathed often? (i.e. with constant regularity) Well, it’s not bad. It is not a bad book. It’s just not a great book. It’s not a terribly… cohesive book. It reads exactly like the kind of book that might get written if you and a fellow writer swapped a floppy disc back and forth in the mail a bunch of times adding bits as you went. Which, of course, is exactly what it is. The things I remember about the book remain as good as I remember  them being - which is a shame because all the really good bits I remember about the book are, with a few exceptions, in the first half (Death still incorrectly says Revelations instead of Revelation in the second half like I remember. He’s still wrong, and it’s still weird given that the right name is in the book earlier more than once.) Everything goes rapidly downhill the moment Armageddon actually kicks off...  something of a problem in a book about Armageddon whose entire second half is Armageddon. I remember Aziraphale and Crowley being great together. What I didn’t remember is that they spend most of the book apart, a crime because they’re at their best bouncing off one-another and far weaker solo, especially Crowley who really only has Hastur to talk to and he’s not a great conversationalist. If I could ditch Crowley Drives Really Hard and swap it for A&C Do Shit Together  I would. I remember Newt and Anathema becoming a couple. What I didn’t remember is that they are entirely superfluous to the narrative, as are the prophecies of Agnes Nutter herself. I kept trying to remember why it is that Newt and Anathema needed to be at the military base - turns out they don’t. Newt doesn’t even stop the countdown, that’s all Adam willing it otherwise. N&A then wander over to the main group and just kind of stand around. The only purpose of the prophecies is to give Aziraphale an idea of where Adam is. That’s it. This is extremely frustrating because Anathema talks about how working-out prophecies has allowed her family to triumph down the ages, and it sets Agnes up as someone who was executed for being a truth teller - for being an other - even though one day her prophecies would be so important for the world. But they're not! Their one tangible impact on the plot is to have Aziraphale make a phone call that he immediately hangs up. the prophecies only document the end of the world, they are irrelevent to the aversion of the End Times, which feels like one of several moments where the book Is Making A Point About Human Nature And Reader Expectations but is undone by my old friend lousy framing. Toy cannot position someone as having “they know not what they do” importance and then just not follow-through on that. There is, I think, a sense in the book that What It’s All About is quiet humanism: that the story isn’t really about Armageddon, but the smaller human stories that happened around it: Newt and Anathema falling in... love, I guess?  Mindy Newt: Homer Anathema, What’s wrong? Homer Anathema: Like you don’t know! We’re going to have sex! Mindy Newt:: Oh … We don’t have to. Homer Anathema: Yes we do! The cookie Book told me so

Or Shadwell and Madame Tracey. And that’s great - that’s a great theme. But the book fails to pull it off - largely, I think because once Armageddon kicks off it loses the human dimension its trying to argue is important for keeping the planet grounded, not because its trying to make that point, but because the authors get so distracted by writing a bunch of crazy Armageddon stuff that the actual important work - like fleshing-out characters and their stories properly - goes away in the hurly-burly of Important Shit Going down.

Take Adam. Adam lacks any real sense of interiority and wears his heart on his sleeve, which makes the will-he, won’t-he nature of Armageddon on which the whole book rests have... well, zero weight. Will Adam give in to his more evil nature? No. Of course he won’t. It’s not even a case of “of course he won’t ‘cause I know how stories go don’t I ain’t I clever” - it’s that Adam has no evil nature. None at all. A bit of child-like self-absorption , but that’s it. The book climaxes with Aziraphale realizing that the AntiChrist won’t pick sides because he is neither entirely Good or Evil - he is Just A Human, and therefore kind of both. The book has done a great job showing that duality of humanity: Mr. young, for example, isn’t a bad man. Nor is he a good one. He’s an average man, with all sorts of awful little prejudices and thought patterns, but equally enough basic decency that nobody could call him a monster anymore than a saint. So often in the book people do Bad Things without being depraved lunatics - they just get caught up in the churning mediocrity of life, what Arendt dubbed the ‘banality of evil’ after the Eichmann trial. The telemarketers aren’t child killers, and they don’t deserve their (frankly sickening and brutal) deaths - but every day they hurt people in small, irritating, vexing ways, perpetuating some horrid not because they’re nightmares but because it’s just their job. Again, that’s great. That’s why the first part of the book is the strongest: it’s full of the kinds of humanity you don’t normally see in literature outside of the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. Desperately ordinary people - the real kind of ordinary, not the ordinary that tends to turn into anime heroes. But Adam isn’t ordinary. Not remotely. The book says this again and again, calling him a young Adonis, alluding to his unearthy Luciferian beauty, to his passions, to his commanding voice, to his leadership skills. His friends adore him, and for all that they might get argumentative with him the sheer god-like weight of his Presence cannot be ignored.  So when Aziraphale explains:

"He was left alone! He grew up human! He's not Evil Incarnate or Good Incarnate, he's just… a human incarnate.” 

My response is a rather limp “Um, well... no. No he’s not.”

“Aha!” I hear you cry. “The book’s not saying he’s ordinary, it’s saying he’s the embodiment of humanity: all their vices and virtues are amplified within him, and that’s why he has superhuman powers.” To which i reply that yeah, it’s certainly what the book is insisting in the case. But it’s not demonstrated within the text. I said above Adam lacks interiority: what you see is what you get. And what you get has zero amplification of evil. Adam seems like a genuinely good kid - in fact he is such a good kid that the book actually makes a point of commenting on how he is basically living in a parodic homage of a Boy’s Own Adventure novel. If Jack Trent, Frank Hardy, Tom Swift, and half the cast of Aladdin Paperbacks‘ first decade of publishing rolled up in a clown car and asked Adam if he wanted to hang, he’d fit right in. And they’re all painfully decent people. Adam status as a “troublemaker” - that is, even the vaguest implication that he is capable of “mischief” - is undermined by the book highlighting that the kind of people who complain about that sort of thing are Doddering Tory Blowhards like R. P. Taylor who wouldn’t know fun if it dressed like Margaret Thatcher and dry-humped their legs.  For Adam to be the incarnation of humanity there has to be a sense that he is more human than human - that his capacity for good and his capacity for evil are so great that with him him the form of gestalt of pure humanity. But that’s rubbish. Because Adam does nothing the book seems to think is worthy of meaningful censure, or at least nothing that literally any child might do as well (like ruining his sisters dress while dunking her in the water). If the best the book can do to balance out Adam’s Local Boy Heroically Saves Summer Camp And Solves The Mystery Of The Puzzle Riddle Enigma is that well he’s kind of inward facing like every other 12 year old then, well... that really takes the wind out of the book’s big summating point. The same kind of language that gets used about Adam feel like you could copy past it into a Discworld book to describe Carrot Ironfoundersson.

So when, as happens. the book shows Adam coming Into his power and talk about Remaking The World, we don’t have to think he will and that all is lost - we know how to read stories, we’re not idiots. But we should at least have a passing moment of worry that he could had the circumstances been slightly different - that he, poised on the edge of good and evil, could go either way were it not for the redemptive power of his ordinary human upbringing keeping him ground. Which, I think is safe to say, is the conclusion the book puts forward. But there is no ‘could.’ Of course he won’t - there’s no tension there at all. The book kills it stone dead, in fact, when it notes that:

Seems to me it ought to be rolled up and started all over again," said Adam. That hadn't sounded like Adam's voice.

and

Adam wasn't listening, at least to any voices outside his own head.

Adam is described as basically being possessed - at the most critical point of Armageddon, when the AntiChrist is placed to make a choice not even between Good and Evil but between The Harbinger Theological Inevitability and Sod All That Let’s Just Keep Living Because I’m A Human it is no choice at all because Theological inevitable is distinctly described as being separate from who Adam is. Which is dreadful! Adam is American Dennis the Menace - he sometimes get Into Mischief and Breaks A Vase or Ruins A Garden but he’ll still hang out being a friend to a lonely old coot - when he ought to be much closer to the British Dennis the Menace - an monster of a child who spent most of his seventy years of existence essentially bullying gay kids (”softies”) but also, now and again, when the moon’s aligned, showed a Heart of Gold under his menacing exterior. Adam didn’t need to be BritDennis, but he damn well needed some kind of edge to him - a REAL edge, not ‘well he can be bossy’ or ‘he had devilment in his eyes’ or ‘he could be thoughtless.’ Adam needed to have scenes of him being a little shithead: not killing pets, but at least being spiteful or snide or capable of sin. In To Kill A Mockingbird Jem destroys Mrs. Dubose's flowers in a fit of pique. That’s something. Adam? Nothing. So there’s nothing to hang the tension on, and any time to book has any anxiety about Adam’s moral character it rings hollow, because Adam is fundamentally decent and good and nothing so much as feints at the idea that any part of him might be otherwise.

Plus, to bring it back to the prophecies being useless, Adam gets upset about the state of the world because he borrows some of Anathema’s Save The Wales magazines, which he would never have been able to do had the Book not made her go to Tadfield in the first place. Now the book has a certain “Butterfly Flaps Its Wings” mindset - sometimes it’s the little things that put big things and motion.  

But it’s muddled, because it implies that Armageddon is nothing but a last-minute whim of a mercurial child: which is great for when the plot of your book is a deconstruction of the idea of Inevitability, but a bit rubbish when the OTHER major theme of your book is that human evil is in ordinary narrow-mindedness. The idea of a story where everything builds up to Armageddon - but Armageddon fails to arrive like an eschatological Godot, (leaving everyone standing around a bit puzzled) is a great theme for an ironic novel. But it clashes again and again with the theme of the book’s first half- that humanity is more creatively terrible and kindly virtuous than any devil and or angel could hope to be. The corollary of that ought to be that when Armageddon arrives it is precisely because of that human fallibility. Having all this build up and have it massively fizzle out can work, when written right - The Real Treasure Was The Friendships You Made is always funny when handled correctly. But Good omens builds up to things and drops them half a dozen times in the finale, which ends up not seemingly like comedic point but an inability by two authors to "bring the story home” and tie any of their threads together. I mean take the actual act of Armageddon itself: when Adam starts making the world go doo-lally, we keeping hearing reports of the world getting more agitated: we can see the shape of Armageddon begin to emerge, but because we’re still clever buggers and have read our Eliot we know that what’s likely to break the world isn’t going to be bang but a whimper: General John Amerioman gets off the phone agitated by a telemarketers, years at his secretary until she cries so she forgets to inform him that President McSmith called and because he didn’t call her back the President fails to get the advice she needs and makes a foolish error that pisses-over the Russian president who is then gets petty about something else and on down the line until a series of understandable but critical failures of empathy - don’t yell at your secretary, don’t cold-call people about duct cleaning - sets the table for the nuclear. That Adam stops it is because he shares that same fallibility and knows that punishing humanity for it as a requirement for Divine Inevitability would be unconscionable. But when Armageddon arrives, humanity has literal dick-all to do with it. We get this lovely buildup with the Four Horsemen the entire book - Revelation says they will be present at the Day of judgement so its time to get the band back together. The narrative of the book fixates of the Four Horseman’s ride to the airbase, with the understanding that once they arrive Armageddon will begin because everyone is congregating on that place at this time. So the Four Horseman arrive and... and the disguise themselves as some generals to get on the base, they break into a computer vault, and then... Jesus, War personally fucks with a computer and then Pollution personally corrodes the counter measure systems with Death and Famine stand around and watch (so much bloody standing around watching the plot happen in the part of the book) them do it, at which point all the nuke silos all over the world open up and countdown begins. What. THE FUCK? Humanity is irrelevant to the end of the world, exception in the broadest sense where they had these destructive weapons in the first place.  But they also had extensive security systems that the book notes are really good until Two Supernatural Beings Broke In And Destroyed Them. There is no human element in Armageddon: all that chatter on the radio about rising tensions and increased stress? Meaningless. The book’s whole point about evil lurking in the hearts of every ordinary person - that really anyone is capable of being good or evil on a given day, and that one angry secretary is as capable of starting the end times because of a telemarketer as any raving dictator with their finger on the button? Irrelevant. As much as War and Pollution are said to be mere embodiments of humanity’s failings, existing solely in ‘THE MINDS OF MAN” (baffling in and of itself had Pestilence not been swapped-out for Pollution, because lets be honest that would have meant waving a hand at everything from the Black Death to AIDS and calling its source moral failing which what the fuck, T&N?), they’re all actually characters with agency and personality and will. Which means within the context of what’s happening Armageddon is caused by two characters going out of their way to FORCE it to happen.

(It’s! Shit! The book right here? Shit. All the keen oft-comedic insight as to the nature of the human condition  is throw away in this moment. A book that seems so devoted to making a reader think seriously about complacency, about letting evil slip on by because its not wearing a big scary mask (and god how prescient that seems in times like these - how horrible correct it was that we were complacency in the 80s and the 90s and didn’t notice the evil rising all around us), drops the ball here and doesn’t require humanity for its climax.

"I don't see what's so triflic about creating people as people and then gettin' upset 'cos they act like people," said Adam severely. "Anyway, if you stopped tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.”

That’s a great sentiment, Adam. Only nobody is this moment is cross about people acting like people because nobody had - the world nearly ended because some Non-people willingly broke shit. Also, in the context of the novel - it being détente and glasnost and the Tear Down This Wall speech and Zhao Ziyang making reforms in China and on and on - as far as anyone could tell people WERE working it out. The book notes this explicitly, in fact:

“...reports available to us would seem to, uh, indicate an increase in international tensions that would have undoubtedly been viewed as impossible this time last week when, er, everyone seemed to be getting on so nicely.”

Again: Armageddon isn’t caused by people. So when Adam tells Heaven that if they just back off people might be able to sort things out for themselves, well... they seemed to have been doing just that, book.You yourself said so. And the end times were brought about by non-human actors.)

So Adam and his friends confront the Horseman and “defeat” them through some last minute cosplay. Why? No clue. The imagery is great but I don’t know why they do it - the Four Horseman are heralds of the end times, and perhaps its chorus, but now they’re villains that need to be defeated I guess (even though Adam fixes what they did with a wave of his hand anyway). Newt and Anathema arrive on the scene because Agnes Nutter told them to, and they get to the computer, and now maybe poor bumbling Newt is going to have to fix a computer when he’s only ever broken them while Anathema... stands there Jesus God... except... except Adam waves his hand and fixes the computer making Newt’s presence irrelevent. Well, still, more book to go, maybe they can pull something good out of this. Armageddon may have fizzled out, but it’s still The Day of Judgement and the Last Battle. Newt and Anathema might not have fixed the computer, but the are here at the airbase, and they make the most of it by doing nothing, providing nothing, and being needed for nothing. Shadwell and Madame Tracey are there - Shadwell is the vessel for Aziraphale, and once he’s out he stands at the sides with A&C and prepares to march with them on the combined hordes of hell and heaven. Except that that doesn’t matter because Adam makes a gesture and gives a nice speech that’s sadly unrelated to to the world as described by Good Omens up to this point, and the Hordes of Heaven and Hell shuffle their feet and decided to go home for a bit to have a good long think about some things ha ha ha how droll. And the Then, oh no, SUDDENLY Satan himself appears - I guess its time to take our issues to upper management, surely Godot- I mean God - will come to and - oh, nope, Adam waved his hand again and its just Mr. Young in his shitty car (that really should have been a Wasabi what the heck, T&N?). It’s anti-climatic. I don’t mean from a standpoint of dramatic irony, I mean everything falls apart in the book as the story comes to a screeching halt. Here you have a reasonable collection of painfully ordinary people (hella white and straight people, but its 1990 we’re not terribly woke yet) - not Generals, not Presidents or Prime Ministers, not Corporate Titans or Dictators or anyone “Important” - just ordinary people present at the End of the World. And what is it in the ineffable plan that requires all these people’s presence at the End Times? Nothing really. Just think about this for a moment. Think about what OUGHT to have happened here. Not a battle, not a fight, not a war - we know from Endgame how disappointing it is to have to sit through a big dumb set piece battle that nobody seems to want: boring slog. No, what OUGHT to have happened is the power of humanity: that these ordinary nobodies come together and halt the end times, make the Legions of Heaven & Hell see - if not reason - then at least reconsider what’s happening, or even confront Satan himself not with the virtue of Saints but simply because they have what made Aziraphale and Crowley fall in love with the Earth the way they did: the charm of humanity. If an angel and a demon can both be redeemed by the love of humanity’s virtues and vices, its deeps and faults, then why couldn’t Satan himself do the same? Well, because Adam fixed everything with a few hand waves and a pissy speech so that’s all that solved. nobody but him needed to be there - not even A&C, who just end up commenting on the action while standing around like everyone else. It’s barmy. No wonder my brain erased it, choosing to remember the book at its best when it was still scaled to humanity. The book ends up having failed to make any of its points stick - the ordinary evil men do has nothing to do with Armageddon so its probably not something we should be terrible concern about - that just us loveable old humans doing as humans do. We learn that if Heaven and hell just stepped back and let people talk things out maybe the world would get better - but that was the case at the start of the book (prologue notwithstanding), and nothing that happened in the book adjusted that in any way.It has a point to make about the unfairness of Moral duality in Theology - except that Adam is parodically virtuous and contains no real evil so.. yeah, Good is great, actually, what was the point you were making, book? The book has a point to make about the value of ordinary people: if you need someone to stand around and observe shit get ordinary people, they’re great last standing around and not meaningfully doing anything.

And don’t even get me started on things like Anathema’s passivity. Look at her character: she passively lives her life by the prophecies until the day after the End Times Newt says ‘hey do you want to be a descendent for the rest of your life’ and Anathema has an epiphany - Oh, No, I Don’t, I Want to Live my Own life On Its Own Terms - and then they burn the sequel Agatha wrote instead of following it. But that’s… aaargh, Jesus, so many problems with that. The moment of epiphany is meaningless because if Agnes-The-Prophet (who would presumably have known that her manuscript was to be burnt) hadn’t sent it, Anathema was free anyways and would have had to live her life as such regardless. You could argue ‘but this way it becomes an active choice rather than a passive acquiescence to something she can’t change’ but the problem is that her decision isn’t rooted in anything except a comment Newt makes. Nothing happened to Anathema that has in any way affected her relationship to Agnes Nutter or her life as a decedent: in the book Anathema talks a lot about prophecies, lends a kid some magazine, boinks a guy who crashed his car, takes him to a military base, does nothing while watching the world end, goes home and boinks the guy again, and then has her memories of a large portion of the last day or so erased by the Anti-Christ. So when Newt asks ‘do you want to be a professional decedent all your life” why would she say “no”? She’s spent her life devoted to the prophecies, even become a watch as some kind of career, and what sense do we have in the story that she is dissatisfied with that? The only disappointment we get is that she’s kind of let down by Newt being not terribly handsome - but that’s Newt’s issue, not Agnes’. The book wants Anathema to realize that she is now ‘free” of living by prophecy - but she doesn’t ever give the sense that she feels imprisoned by prophecy. She seems to feel like its a mark of distinction, and nothing over the last day - even the shit she can’t remember - has done anything to change that. There’s a version of this story where  Anathema repeatedly demonstrates that she feels powerless in life: that all her choices were chosen for her, even something as outré as becoming a witch, and so when Newt asks her that question she looks back over the events of the last few days - or even her life - and makes the decision to say ‘no’ as a natural extension of her recent experiences. In this version of the book she and Newt would have to have  actively made choices at the airbase of their own free will in contradiction of what Agnes said MUST and WILL happen, and because they did that things are better than Agnes said they would be. 

But that doesn’t happen, and instead we get the version where Anathema burns the sequel because Newt’s in her life now and having a man to point out the obvious is what all women need. That’s not what the book is trying to say but this-time-round that’s how it read to me. If Newt had had to run up to London for a couple days and she got the manuscript in the mail she would have kept it, because why wouldn’t she? 

(Gosh, Newt. One last point: I hated Newt. Maybe ‘schlubbly ordinary dope who gets the girl’ was revolutionary in 1990 but thirty years of pathetic nerd heroes getting the girl have left me only able to focus on the pathetic. He gets to be the the Jen to Anathema’s Kira - a completely useless dolt who gets lead around by a capable woman who knows everything and has all the skills  but he still gets to be The Hero because, well, he’s the dude. He gets to bumble around the missile computers at the climax at the book, framed as a hero while Agetha stands there and pleads with him to fix things. He spends his time getting horny for Anathema and thinking sadboy ‘maybe I’ll get to touch a girl for once’ crap  - which made my skin crawl oh sweet Jesus. Basically just fuck that guy and his whiny Pitiful Loser Nerd attitude.)

Look, when the book is good, it is SO GOOD. “Shadwell hated all Southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole” is one of the great lines of literature. Famine and the dieting meals that kill you? Genius. The individual prophecies of Agnes? Wonderful. Shadwell seeing her in a vision (which, alas, comes to nothing because Shadwell having a change of heart about witches comes to nothing really)? Poignant. The Hell’s Angels? Wonderous. The incredible, perfect, oh god I adore is so much defence of the virtues of Rural English life at its best - full of foibles, yes, painfully human, yes, liable to contain shitty old Tories who put people into power who’ll plow it all under for suburbs, yes - but yet, at the same time, wonderful, too. Worth preserving. Worth fighting for. yes yes a thousand times yes let’s seeing a song about it:

Sure, some of the stuff hasn’t aged well (there’s a bit abut First Nations people that comes to mind), but most of it has - and some of it as bold for its time as it remains now. I frequently found myself thinking “this book is much too complicated for Tumblr” - the Tumblr world of Good or Bad doesn’t really have room for Shadwell, the indiscriminate racist with the heart of gold. Parts like that had me shaking with laughter - I can still recite whole scenes to you with manic glee. But the ending is a mess. It’s bad, actually - just outright bad. The book starts great. It ends terribly. It’s a crushing disappointment to go back too - and when I heard the story on the show was going to be super-faithful to the books I went “shit - but the book’s a bit rubbish on the story front. All the good bits are the characters interacting and the side stories and comedic asides - the actual story is a confusing mess.” That’s why I hope Neil Gaiman brought the writing chops that gave us The Doctor Wife and not, y’know, Nightmare in Silver.

In conclusion: man I remember Good Omens being a whole lot better. (Also, I remember more of Adam’s Gang having more to do, and they didn’t, and they’re all great and that’s a shame.) 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #198

“i woke up on the wrong side of my floor.”

What do you get tired of having to explain? It's not something asked frequently at all, but since I had to to new doctors and ER workers etc., I'm not a fan of re-telling the break-up story with Jason. What perk of being “grown up” lived up to your childhood expectations? Independence, though I. Don't act on it much with my dependent ass. Who is your least favorite character in the last show you watched? Shoot me, Sara and Con, but so far Zuko as a villain doesn't impress me. If you weren’t in a relationship with your significant other (or last) and you met them for the first time tonight, would you hook up with them? I wouldn't "hook up" with anyone. Is there a place that makes you sad to return to? It's just better for me to stay away from the place Jason and I took our first prom pictures. I actually returned there last fall to take pictures however; I was fine, but it still felt weird. What is the most morally questionable thing that you’ve done? Idk. Has anyone ever surprised you by changing when you didn’t believe that they could? Dad, 100%. What is the best advice a sibling has given you? Something from Ashley regarding the break-up when I was starting to recover, but I can't remember exactly what. Was there an opportunity that you feel like you missed out on in high school? Hm... thought about this quite a bit, and I actually don't think so? I mean I wish my mental health had been better, but I overall had a fair experience. What was the biggest lie you’ve told a significant other? Idk, it's just about impossible for me to tell an s/o a serious lie; or small ones, for that matter. Maybe that I wasn't mad about something when I was? Idk. Have you ever treated someone badly because someone else treated you badly? I'm sure I have at some point, just not deliberately. What is your favorite lyric from your favorite band? Don't- What is the worst thing you’ve said or done while PMSing? Boy, I've done some dumb shit. Probably self-harm (no, it's not something I do now). Did you have an irrational childhood fear? Oh, I'm sure. None are coming to me now... Well, do you consider serious separation anxiety "irrational?" Do you and your significant other have ‘a song’? What is it? Oh boy, a lot. "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen and Paramore's "The Only Exception" get me the most, though. Do you ever give things away to your friends? Don't really have anyone to do that with. Is there anyone’s friendship or relationship, in particular, that makes you jealous? Nope. Well, it'd be absolutely incredible to have a friendship (so in this case, not counting Sara) like Rhett and Link. I'm not even remotely kidding, they were the ones that made me question my former, humiliating outlook on homosexuality because my heart just yelled at me to ship them & I still do lol. Do you have anyone’s tweets sent directly to your phone? Whose? No. Have you ever caused a lot of noise in a library? No. Do you complain a lot? Eh, depends on the day and subject. Have you ever been to a music festival? Yes, but only to take pictures for a photography class. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away? The blood wolf moon. I stayed up 'til like, 2-3-something to see totality, and it was fucking incredible. I hadn't seen a full lunar eclipse since I was a kid. If your life was a movie, what would it be rated? R, probably... mostly due to excessive cursing lmao. Are you more of a talker or a listener? A listener. Have you ever called in at a radio station & dedicated a song to someone? No. Would you ever go to a protest or be involved in a protest? Sure. When playing rock, paper, scissors which do you usually pick? I think scissors. Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? Maybe a small one? Would you ever try any extreme sports? No. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? I've always found that idea as absolute and utter bullshit. Do you ever try making your dream up before falling asleep? I just daydream; I don't like, actively hope it'll transfer into a legitimate dream. Ever been on a golf cart? Yes. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Last person you took a nap with? Sara. Are you embarrassed by anything you have in your bedroom? No. Is your last ex currently in a relationship? Not to my knowledge. Has anyone ever given you roses? Yeah. Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed? asjfpawe quite honestly, smoking weed. The former would probs kill me. Do you owe anybody money? No. How many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? Now as adults and not stupid kids, just a handful. Maybe just one or two serious ones. What’s the most positive thing anyone has ever said about you? When I actually had a brain, compliments I got regarding my intelligence meant a lot. Maybe there's something else, but that's just the first that came to mind. What’s the most positive thing you would say about yourself right now? I'm very empathetic and care a lot about cheering people up. Have you ever been to church? What was it like? I grew up going to church, and at no point in my life did I enjoy it. When I was old enough to not be forced to go, I quickly stopped, even when I was still religious. What’s your favorite thing to do on a sunny day? If it's not hot, swim. How many different drugs have you tried? None that weren't prescription. List each drug, and how it made you feel. N/A Which drug do you consider to be your favorite (including alcohol)? Well, I don't even like the taste of alcohol... but I guess that has to be the answer as it's the only one I'll ever indulge in. Who have you had sex with in order from best to worst (you can use initials if you want)? Only done it with one person. What’s your favorite kind of alcoholic beverage? Margaritas. Do you feel like different alcohols have different effects on you? No. Honestly, how good do you think you are in bed? What about oral? Eh, I'm shy, but I don't think I'm bad. It was good enough to get the job done, at least. I fucking hated oral so therefore rarely did it, so idk. What’s your biggest thing you want to accomplish? Overcoming my hard-as-diamonds anxiety. Three favorite candies. Go. Reese's. Sour Punch Straws. Peach rings. What was the last stupid thing someone talked you into believing? Idk. What’s a song that would describe your life at the moment? I legit feel "In The End" by Linkin Park pretty deeply of the late. Man, somehow been a year and still R.I.P. Chester. ;_; What was the last thing that you shared? Idk. Do you ever eat leftover pizza cold? I love cold pizza. Where are you the most ticklish? FEET. When you’re wanting a midnight snack, what do you normally get? I don't have them. Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Maybe Vulpix. Small and cute and isn't like, actually on fire. Have you ever considered a career in music/acting? No. When was the last time you felt seriously embarrassed? At a VR class when I was talking and completely lost my train of thought and caused like five awkward silences. If your bedroom walls could talk, what would they most likely say? "Bitch u ever move?" Did you ever really believe in Santa Claus? Yes. Have you ever seen a movie that was better than the book it was based on? Maybe? I'm unsure, but I doubt it. Did you like the show Invader Zim? I never really watched it. What’s the greatest/most influential song you’ve ever heard? Ozzy's "Life Won't Wait." Have you ever bought yourself a present at Christmas? I mean, I've been given money to buy something myself. Is there someone that you’re mean to for no good reason? No? I have damn good reason to be unfriendly to Bentley, but not mean. What was the last thing you got out of the freezer? A rat for Venus. How many people signed you latest yearbook? Not too many, but I didn't ask a lot to. How is your mom today? Probably the same as always: Tired and stressed. Do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex? Generally, longer hair. But of course it varies on the person. Would you swap your first name for your middle? No, that would sound so weird. Plus I like my name. Would you rather have 10 siblings or be an only? Hm... growing up as an only child would suck, I think. Ten is a hell of a lot, but I'd prefer that over none. What is your favorite soda? Mountain Dew Voltage is my Achilles' heel. Do like country music? No. It's seldom I'll like any. Tim McGraw impresses me most of the time, though, but not to where I'll go look up a song and binge it. Are you afraid of black cats? Not at all. Do you watch the lightning during storms? No, I stay inside. If I'm in a car though, I keep an eye out. Do you like Scentsy stuff? Sure, but I don't buy anything from it. Do you like House? Never seen it. How many tracks were on the last album you listened to? Idr. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? Probably Dad. The way he interacts with some people is kinda... weird to where people may feel like he's being rude, when he in no way intends it. You can tell some people don't get him. Are there any songs in your iTunes library that you’ve never listened to? No. Who is the most intelligent person you know? My psychiatrist probably qualifies as a genius. Who was the last female you were introduced to? My personal VR coach. Who was the last male you were introduced to? I have no idea. Who is that last person who harassed and annoyed you? I feel like it was some kid that annoyed me, but idr. Who is the last person who made you feel hurt? Probably Mom. What was the last thing you were worried about? My job future. Are you worried about anyone now? Not really. What time of day feels the most magical to you? Early morning, especially when it's dewy with a light mist and a pink sky as the sun starts to rise... whew. Love it. Who are you jealous of? My sisters and an old friend that's a professional photographer now. What is the last physical ailment you took medication for? Nausea. If you are a YouTuber, are you behind on posting videos? N/A Who is a great YouTuber you have recently discovered? Not really anyone recently. What color is your bathrobe? I don't have one. What is a great pain reliever? Depends on the pain? Are you interested in a guy who has a girlfriend? No. Do you sell any products? If so, what do you sell? No. Are you responsible with money? I believe so, having learned to be very frugal from growing up poor. My weakness is tats, though... I have to make a genuine effort to save for other things. Are you responsible in general? Not very, honestly... but it also depends on what I have responsibility over. Do you use a nightlight? No. Kaiju's and Venus' lights stay on, however, if you wanna count that. Do you have a girl that is strictly a friend that isn’t related to you that you can go to? Not really. Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? I guess the good guy? Have you ever watched the original British Skins? No, nor the American. It disgusted me. Do you like Oreos? Hell yeah. Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you barely know? I don't believe so. Were you a cute baby? I was, dude. Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? If it was in self-defense with someone trying to seriously hurt or kill me, that's right where I'd aim. Have you ever sold drugs? No. Have you ever been shot? No. Are you on good terms with your parents? Yeah. What’s your opinion on border control? It's necessary for the protection of our country. I'm totally for legal immigration, mind you. Have you had any major tragedies in your life? I'd say one event qualifies. What do you think of open casket funerals? No opinion, I think... A part of me feels like the risk of someone disrespecting the body isn't worth it, but simultaneously I firmly feel the actual family and those very close to this person have the right to see them one final time looking at peace. Have you ever had a pet rat? Quite a number. I had two pairs where three died of unknown causes, while one developed cancer and passed. Went through two that died last year; one had to be sick upon adopting her, as she passed very quickly, and her sister immediately followed suit. Adopted Mitsu, later another to try to give her a partner (rats are social and aren't supposed to live alone), but she'd already grown territorial, so the sweetheart had to be returned. Now I just have Mitsu. Could you go a year without sex? It's already been three, and longer wouldn't matter to me. Have you ever wore pajamas a whole straight week? I'm just about always at home in my pj's, and considering I leave like, never... but not the same pair that long. Have you ever waxed your legs? No. Have you ever taught a little kid to flick people off? The fuck, no. Are you more of a taker or giver? Giver. Have you ever itched yourself until your skin was raw? I have permanent scars on both shins from that; my skin becomes unbearably itchy after I shave and then scrub my legs in the shower. Nothing seems to stop it. Do you always clear your history after using the computer? No. Have you ever been chased by a cat? Playing with kittens/juveniles, probably, considering just how many we've had throughout my life. Have you ever had your food stolen by a bird? No. Have you ever dyed your hair light auburn? No. Do you take really good care of your feet? Run now w/ potential TMI: My feet are like. Nothing but thicc calluses from when I would walk like crazy. I haven't been able to get rid of them for nothing, and it's been YEARS. Like, I probably need a professional for this shit lmao. My nails are fine and I keep them clean, it's just the callus ordeal. Is the snow where you live the icey kind or powdery kind? It can be either. Do you get blizzards where you live? I think we've only had one that qualified in my entire life. Can't remember if the wind was bad... What’s the coldest you can remember it ever being? With the wind chill, it was actually around 2 degrees, I think. When was the last time you did something rebellious? Um. Idk. What are your favorite things to create? OCs. What’s an old hobby that you want to pick back up? Reading. :/ Do you ever read books to a pet? No. Which has better craft supplies: Dollar Tree or Dollar General? I have zero clue. Which dollar store do you shop at the most? I think Dollar General? What color is your trash can in your bedroom? I don't have one in here. What was the theme of your childhood bedroom? Baby animals. What color was your nursery as a baby? Idr. What was the last surgery you had? A cyst removal. What’s something you prefer to keep private? Lol yeah, ask that on a survey I'mma share with the Internet. What is something cheesy your high school’s principal has said? Idr. I don't remember much of him other than he was a goddamn ass. Are you more of a rule breaker or rule follower? Depends, but typically, a follower. Are you good at prioritizing? Idk. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? HALLOFUCKINWEEN If you’re not religious, were you ever? What made you lose faith? I was raised religious, but just life in general brought me to just theism, which I don't really consider a "real" religion. Is there a particular tradition that you follow from your heritage? No. What are your thoughts on where feminism is today? Yo calm your tits. How would you describe your aesthetic? Likes pastel and soft things but is also gore-crazed and obsessed with dark shit that'll probably lead me to Hell. Are you at all interested in philosophy/theory? If so, what philosopher/theorist caught your attention? If not, would you ever consider reading any? YES; however, as someone with OCD that heavily manifests itself as incredulous ruminations to the point I face breakdowns, I try to avoid philosophical debates. No one in specific has caught my attention, but I mean, I haven't exactly made an effort to learn about anyone. Have you ever played any virtual reality games? What was that like? If not, would you ever like to try? No, but I would LOVE to. Is there anything about technology that scares you? The potential it has to reaching some form of sentience the more and more we advance with it. I ain't about that singularity shit. What’s a song that you know that does a lot of wordplay or anything that you find clever? Shit dude, lots of Otep songs. She can make rhymes and such with the creepiest shit. Bring me back the Otep whose music wasn't just political ranting, please. What do you do before you go to bed? The last thing I usually do is DragonVale. Where did you last go out to eat? Hardee's. Do you have unlimited texting? Yeah. Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? Jason or Girt. Girt came to the ER after my suicide attempt, my lowest of low points, while Jason saw me in absolute hysterics the night of the break-up when I said something suicidal so he came here briefly. I feel each was like... a different kind of "worst," if that makes sense. One was absolute, utter defeat, while the other was seeing a human absolutely shatter. Have you ever won anything from the radio? No. Will you keep your last name when you get married? No. What song are you listening to? Shane Dawson's "Fuck Up" is a Big Mood. Do you know anyone whose name starts with an X? Not that I know personally, I think. When was the last time you took a picture with your pet(s)? Roman like over a month ago, Venus a while before... I rarely take pictures including me because I'm ugly. Who’s your favorite Muppet? I don't know like, any. What’s your favorite monster? (can be Monsters Inc., horror films, stories, or myths, whatever) These are too many options man. I guess probably Pyramid Head. But I'm crazy for cryptids too man, I love me some Jersey Devil and Mothman shit. Have you ever seen a polar bear in person? At zoos. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? If you heard me eating cinnabon delights in the next room, you'd have all reason to believe a porno was being filmed. What do you think of off-brand soda? I'm fine with them. Which do you like better – carpet or wood floor? I generally find wood prettier, but carpet is comfier. Getting down on and up off the wooden floor when exercising hurts, though. Buuut wood is also easier to clean... but also louder... why the fuck am I getting this deep into a question jeez idk basically. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Being a 23 y/o teenage fangirl lmao. Have you considered running for president? Hell no. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Hm... there's a lot. I suppose ending poverty? Or environmental preservation, which I am already extremely passionate about, but I could actually take more action. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why? I'd imagine the Grand Canyon. It's so vast and ancient and gives you an idea of just how small we truly are. Are ghosts real? Yes. Are aliens real? Probably. Do you know how to play dominoes? No. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Anything from an endangered animal. Would you ever adopt a child? If I wanted kids, possibly. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? *shrugs* Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? I wish I'd told Jenna about the Joel thing. Have you been on your first date? If so, how did it go? Yeah, it was fine. Cute really, though unorthodox as he invited my mother along. It actually did make me less nervous tho. What woke you up this morning? My cat meowing his damn brains out. He does this loud, deep meow when he really wants something, and it woke me up. He does that some mornings, and I have no clue why. Your mood? Eh, nervous. I have a short VR class today, and I have to talk to the woman who handles my case, and I don't believe she'll be happy I haven't applied anywhere yet, even though it's been like, five days... I've been working on getting an Office certificate instead. Did you ever watch The Land Before Time when you were younger? I WAS IN LOVE. Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? Usually. What feeling do you have the most difficulty in expressing? Envy. How do you think you would handle yourself in a crisis situation? Have an absolute panic attack and die lmao. But it also depends on if anyone is in the situation with me. Like if someone I seriously loved was endangered, I have a feeling I'd rush to immediately help them. Does any particular season make you happier than others? Why/why not? Autumn. Beautiful and cool. In what circumstances do you feel most at peace? When I'm with Sara and we're both happy and laughing. :') What is the best thing about being a male/female? Female: It's more "socially acceptable" to show emotions. Male: Don't have to worry about menstruation cycles. Do you enjoy hugging people? Do you enjoy receiving hugs? Yeah. Do you think that luck has much to play in your life? No. I don't believe people have premeditated-by-nature good or bad luck. It's all random or related to your own choices. Do you think you are competitive? Do you really dislike losing? In only a few areas; no. What is a talent you wish you possessed? The ability to draw hyperrealistically. When was the last time you went to McDonald’s? It's been quite a while. Maybe around a month. Could you go a whole day without your computer? Definitely not willingly. Have you ever really liked someone to begin with, then changed your mind about them? Yeah, Juan. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone, for more than half an hour? What did you talk about? Most likely Colleen. It was a personal matter, so not saying. Has your ex fallen in love with anyone else, since the two of you broke up? I'm assuming Jason did with Ashley, maybe not. When was the last time you looked at your significant other/crush’s Facebook profile? Been a while. What was the last thing that one of your parents bought for you? Food for me. The last time you went to the hairdressers, what did you have done? A muuuch-needed trim.

[mooxnlights]

Will You Still Love Me In The Morning?

Fandom: Marvel

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, the Avengers

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, intoxicated reader

Word Count: 2,761

Requested: Yes

Anon: Can I request Bucky x reader where they both like each other but are too shy to admit. And of course Tony has some kind of a huge party and they all go and the reader who usually doesn't drink, drinks too much and Bucky decides to take her to her room and she hugs him on the way and says cute stuff to him and they end up confessing that they like each other haha I know it's stupid but idk I like shit like that Thank you sooooo much 💕

A/N: Not stupid at all love! Very cute actually. This got a bit long because I got towards what was meant to be the end where I got stuck not knowing how to end it (because I’m not a fan of such intimate and personal experiences/confessions taking place when either parties are under the influence) but then I took something off of the movie ‘Click’ and ended up making it longer. I’m not too fond of how it ends tbh but I hope you enjoy it.

IMPORTANT (apology): I’m sorry this was late and sorry for the other requests that are still coming. I’ve had a lot going on lately, I’ve had a formal, a death in the family + the funeral and a 6 hour RSA course all within two weeks but I promise the other requests are coming soon.

Y/N = Your name Y/L/N = Your last name

You were standing next to your friend and fellow avenger Sam Wilson as Tony made his grand entrance emerging onto the balcony above everyone holding his arms out as he took in the applause from the various guests he invited to his party that he nagged you all about attending. What was being celebrated? You had no idea but the idea of an open bar is what seemed to coax the team into attending, including you.

You were never a big drinker but you had been on quite a few missions lately so your stress levels have been at an all time high especially when on one of those missions a certain super soldier seemed to completely disregarded his own personal safety in order to help you when you were struggling with multiple hydra agents. This ultimately resulted in Bucky suffering a gunshot wound to his right shoulder which didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest as he recovered rather quickly with no damage to any organs or major arteries but it still made you feel guilty nonetheless. So with one free night where you know everyone on the team is safe and together in one room you decided to let loose. Primarily to wash away and numb some of the guilt you still held over endangering the man you had been harbouring a huge crush on since the day you met him. So with that established you headed over to the bar where you began a night that was sure to leave you with a headache the moment you woke up the next morning.

As the night went on most of your fellow Avengers had tagged teamed in coming to check up on you as you had barely moved from the bar where you had been laughing and swapping stories with Sarah, the bartender who had been bouncing between you and other guests all night.

Your current visitor however was the host of the gracious party himself, Mr. Tony Stark.

“You’re not draining the bar are you Y/L/N?” He jokingly questioned upon his arrival making you turn away from Sarah while she continued pouring drinks for other guests.

“Of course not man of the irons,” you responded in a deep voice before sipping the last of your drink and facing him as he stood next to you.

“That was my Thor impression,” you said as an answer to his confused but not surprised expression.

“When has Thor ever- No never mind, I came here to tell you, sweetheart that I’m cutting you off,” he declared loud enough for Sarah and the other bartender to hear who both nodded in response.

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will,” he responded calmly while taking your now empty glass off you and putting it on the counter before he started to help you out of your seat.

“This is America, it’s a free country!” You countered loudly, even though you were allowing him to help you to your feet where you stumbled slightly.

“Nothing is free sweetheart, especially when you're hammered at a bar that I’m paying for believe it or not.”

He started leading you away apologising to the surrounding guests who had to listen to your outburst.

“And by the way, could you maybe have used the confidence you gained at the bar to confess your feelings to Barnes instead of sharing cooking recipes and bikini wax stories with the bartender so the rest of us don’t have to suffer through anymore of the longing looks and reluctant flirting like its a high school cafeteria, its sickening, seriously.”

He sat you down on one of the couches where you were now in the middle of Natasha and Bruce who seemed more amused than annoyed at your interruption to their conversation. With a quick word from Stark informing them that you're not to be let out of their sights, he rushed off to continue playing host.

“How are you doing Y/N?” Bruce asked with a chuckle taking in your now subdued appearance as a result of Tony’s comment.

You sighed in response and rested your head on Nat’s shoulder closing your eyes as all sorts of heightened emotions ran through your brain.

Natasha and Bruce simultaneously looked at each other before Nat decided probe.

“What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours Y/N?”

“I haven’t seen Bucky tonight,” you responded pathetically as you opened your eyes and sat up straight, trying to get comfortable.

“Well he’s right over there,” Bruce stated softly pointing over to where Bucky was standing alongside Steve watching Sam take on Rhodey at a game of pool.

“No, I haven't seen him,” you respond stretching out the word. “I’ve been here all night, conforming to society by wearing a dress I can barely breath in and not to mention these death shoes,” you continued while reaching down and slipping off your heels and now holding them in your lap, “and he doesn't even say hi to me? What the hell is that about? Can he just fall in love with me already so I don’t have to feel like a freaking lovestruck puppy whenever I see him?”

Nat gave Bruce a knowing look before responding to you, “why don't you just go tell him that then?”

“Well maybe not those exact words but tell him how you feel,” Bruce cut in.

You looked at him with a blank expression on his face before protesting “what the hell do you know? You could barely tell Nat how you feel.”

Natasha let out a short laugh while Bruce sighed.

“Who cares anyways nothings ever gonna happen, I’m just going to go to bed and be a self-depreciating hermit,” you stated while standing, not bothering to put your shoes back on and opting to carry them instead.

“Wait Y/N-” Bruce began before he was cut off by Nat.

“Sleep well babe and drink some water,” she said smiling at you while you nodded and began your trek to your room.

Bruce looked at her in confusion before questioning, “shouldn’t one of us go with her?”

“Don’t worry, someone else has that covered,” she said with a smirk before raising her wine glass to her lips as they both watched you get closer to the pool table that you had to pass in order to get to your room, the pool table that Bucky was still was next to.

Bruce let a smile take over his face as he silently held out a clenched fist that Nat acknowledged and proudly bumped with her own.

You cursed quietly to yourself as you continued to stumble despite not wearing the heels that were currently in one of your hands while the other landed on the pool table in order to steady yourself grabbing the attention of Sam, Rhodey, Steve and of course Bucky.

“Big night so far baby girl?” Questioned Sam as Steve came to your side like the gentlemen he is.

You didn’t notice however how Bucky tensed at the nickname Sam used for you.

“End of night,” you responded to Sam while brushing Steve off in order to convince him that you were fine to walk.

You weren’t.

You took three steps without the help of Steve or the pool table before you tripped over your own feet and fell flat on your ass. Bucky rushed to help you up while the others let out laughs. Except for Steve who tried to hide his chuckle with a cough.

“You guys are the worst,” you grumbled as you let Bucky help you, all the while your face heating up over embarrassing yourself in front of him.

“I think you’re right about it being the end of the night for you Y/N,” Rhodey said through laughs to which you flipped him off.

“Here I’ll help you to your room,” Bucky offered sweetly while taking your shoes out of your hands and wrapping his left arm around your waist to keep you steady as you continued your journey to your room now with Bucky’s help.

It was silent between you both until you made it to the elevator, Bucky hitting the button to your floor all the while keeping his arm around you as you stared up at him, completely mesmerised by the perfect structure of his face.

“How’s your shoulder?” You asked still staring up at him.

“It was over a month ago, I’m fine, stop worrying,” he responded gently.

“But it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t Y/N, it was mine and it saved you so it was worth it. Plus I’ve been through so much worse, that was like a paper cut,” he concluded with a chuckle.

“You’re so lovely,” you said with a dreamy sigh.

Bucky laughed at your comment putting it down to the alcohol but he still felt his face heat up.

You leaned in closer to him and wrapped your arms around him, pressing your cheek against his chest and taking in his scent. Bucky stilled and lightly wrapped his other arm around you with your shoes still hanging loosely from his hand.

He broke away from the hug and cleared his throat at the sound of the elevator dinging and the doors opening onto your floor. Keeping his arm around your waist he began to lead you down the hall.

“You’re so handsome, like you’re bone structure is just wow.” Bucky kept his eyes on the floor as you continued walking, grinning slightly.

“You’re eyes as well, I’ve never seen more beautiful eyes than yours. You’re so nice to me too, you’re just so selfless and sweet and charming. Probably why I’m so in love with.”

Bucky stopped immediately which just so happened to bring you right in front of your door.

“What did you say?” He questioned, his heart beating faster when he realised what you said.

“You’re not supposed to know that,” you said in a shocked whisper.

“Don’t worry you’ve just had too much,” he said in a dejected voice quickly blaming your words on the alcohol in your system.

He lead you through your door and walking you to your bed where he sat you down and made his way to your bathroom, dropping your shoes by the closet on his way there.

“I do mean it though,” you responded in a quiet and somewhat nervous voice.

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed before he returned to you and placed a towel over your pillow knowing you couldn’t be bothered taking off your makeup tonight.

“You don’t Y/N, get some rest.” He lightly pushed you down by your shoulders to where you were now resting your head on the towel while leaving the covers off you, knowing you will probably get uncomfortable still being in your dress.

It killed him to see you stare up at him the way you were, with a look adoration and love in your hazy eyes that Bucky’s current frame of mind took for you being an overly affectionate drunk. He had been in love with you since he first got to know you, you were one of the first of the team to accept and welcome him. You never acted overly cautious around him because of his past like some of the others did initially. You were always so kind to him and that’s what made Bucky hide his feelings from you, he always thought you saw him as a friend with how easily and eager you are to show him kindness, but little did he know it was because you were just as in love with him as he was with you, and through doubting that he felt the same way you decided to show it subtly through your actions.

“Please stay,” you asked again in that soft voice while reaching for him.

“Screw it,” he whispered quietly to.

You continued to stare at him as your eyes grew heavier. He shifted around your room bending over your desk as he scribbled something on a piece of paper and came back over to you.

“I don’t want you to regret anything tonight,” he said softly while putting the paper on your bedside table as he leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your forehead.

“Go to sleep,” he said pulling away from you.

You nodded your head with a soft smile on your face as you easily began to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

You awoke the next morning with a pounding ache in your head, it only took you a few moments of laying awake and staring at the ceiling that the memories of the night before came rushing back.

“Oh my gosh,” you groaned as you sat up and swung your legs over the side of the bed and sat with your head in your hands.

You were in the midst of calling yourself an idiot for the fourth time when you noticed something on your bedside table. Leaning over you picked up the paper and let out a choked breath when you read what was written on it.

‘Will you still love me in the morning?’

It was scrawled perfectly over the paper in Bucky’s neat hand writing.

You thought back to the kiss he left on your head last night, his soft words, him not being deterred by your proclamation of love.

“Friday where’s Bucky?” You called out as you stood up and shimmied out of your dress before slipping into a t-shirt and sweat pants.

“Mr Barnes is in the kitchen Miss Y/L/N,” Friday responded as you walked to your bathroom and began washing your face.

You let out a nervous sigh as you walked back over to your bed and picked up the paper again, you looked down at it for a moment before taking it with you and making your way to the kitchen.

You took a moment in the elevator to let out a shaky breath while gripping the paper securely in your hand. This was it, it was time to finally confess your feelings, sober that is. Your heart started beating even quicker as the elevator doors opened and you stepped out, you made your way to the kitchen at a quick pace knowing that if you didn’t get it over and done with now you would never do it.

You stopped as Bucky came into view, he had just turned away from the fridge where he was standing with a water bottle in his hand.

“Hi,” you breathed out once your eyes met.

“I know I look like a hungover piece of garbage but I really need to make things clear,” you began before he could respond.

Bucky simply nodded his head setting the water bottle down on the counter, doubts now circulating in his mind about your feelings for him.

You cleared your throat and looked down at the piece of paper still in your hand before you continued.

“What I said last night wasn’t because of the alcohol- I mean it was because I never would have actually admitted those things if I hadn’t of been drunk, but I have been thinking it for a long time now I just never knew how to tell you.”

Bucky looked down and took a few steps towards you while you held your breath waiting for his response.

“So you've been thinking for a while now that my eyes are the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen?” He questioned looking up at you with a grin.

You let out a laugh and looked down in embarrassment.

“Pretty much.”

“And my bone structure? Has that always been ‘wow?’” He teased as he stopped directly in front of you.

“Yes and you know it,” you mumbled still looking down.

You were forced to look up when you felt Bucky’s hand on your chin, your eyes shutting when you notice him leaning in.

You were stood in the kitchen with Bucky’s lips against yours, only pulling apart when a loud clapping came from behind you. Turning around you and Bucky came face to face with an unimpressed Tony Stark making his way around the two of you and towards the coffee machine.

“About damn time you kids got that out of the way, now scurry off and go do that somewhere that doesn’t disturb the sanctity and purpose of the kitchen.”

You and Bucky both looked at each other and shrugged your shoulders before exiting the kitchen hand in hand.

[sp4c3-0ddity]

tagged by @hailkuvira and @amillionsmiles. thanks!! <3

tagging uhhhh who have i somewhat interacted with that writes and hasn’t been tagged already uh @magical-merlance, @cosmicdusttrails, @tiredgaykeith, @rueitae, @elby9001, @ anyone else that wrote fic this year and wants to take a stab at it??

STATS:

Fics posted:  they’re all...VLD

Tumblr exclusives:  my fic tag for your viewing pleasure. but here’s a list of everything (i think) that i didn’t also post on ao3 (with the exception of a few that will be posted probably within the next week):

Misnomer, a crack fic

a euphoric plance kiss that i just wrote on a text post i reblogged

a Cupid AU plance ficlet i also wrote based on a text post

ficlet about Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid after Lotor escapes them

Pidge getting Love Advice from Lance, also an addition to someone else’s text post

How I think Hunk learned Pidge is a girl, with a teeny tiny bit of plance because it’s a section of a plance fic i meant to finish that i’ve since lost this is why you save/back up your work often

Outtakes from ‘Howl at the Moon’

A The Wizard of Oz AU (honestly bless the anon that prompted this)

A shallura hurt/comfort prompt fill

Whatever the hell this is, all i know is that it’s gen but still involves kissing and is kinda a crack fic

FF.Net:  N/A

Archive of Our Own:  i’ll just go with oldest first like i did in the last section

Give a Little (5859 words), fake dating, my first posted plance fic

Ship to Wreck (3544 words), gen (despite the title hehe), sailor/age of (western) exploration-type Pidge-centric AU

Spectrum (9562 words), gen, a Wheel of Time/fantasy AU

Winging It (2187 words), gen, fun canon-verse fic where they race paper airplanes

A Slip of the Thumb (18697 words), plance, wrong number/text modern AU

Break a Leg and Other Cliches (29293 words), plance, modern ballroom dance competition AU

Incompatible Schedules (1025 words), plance, canon-verse fluff

All’s Fair in Love and Gaming (653 words), plance, canon-verse fluff

Be Gentle (4881 words), plance, canon-verse body swap AU

If Wishes Were Fishes (1167 words), plance, canon-verse vaguely bittersweet beach fic

Lightning Round (3003 words), plance, canon-verse battle couple in training fic

Build on Shaky Ground (3337 words), gen/plance (platonic), kinda angsty Garrison era

Unknowable (562 words), plance, canon-verse philosophical fluff

Wisdom of Hindsight (1344 words), plance, canon-verse angst

Caught (2727 words), plance, canon-verse lovebug AU

In Time (724 words), pallura, canon-verse hurt/comfort

The Art of Seduction (2075 words), plance, canon-verse fluff

Falling’s Not the Problem (26179 words), plance, future canon angst with a happy ending sorta thing

Smuggle Your Heart (21931 words), plance, Star Wars-ish AU

Pocket of Space (6203 words), kallura, a Vorkosigan Saga-ish AU that’s kinda...languishing at the moment

Howl at the Moon (10271 words), plance, future canon undercover fake marriage thing

Failure to Launch (1740 words), gen, Sam & Coran hurt/comfort and feels in general

Specter (18325 words), plance, future canon AU, and, um, major character death fic

What Not to Do in Chemistry Lab (2458 words), gen, modern/college AU with my chemist Hunk headcanons

Search and Rescue (1684 words), gen, pre-canon baby Holts fluff

Shopping for Disaster (6108 words), gen, canon-verse Allura & Pidge bonding-gone-wrong fic

Ink on a Page (8807 words*), gen, Pidge-centric Inkheart AU

In the Making (8184 words), plance, canon-verse/future canon ~over the years~ kinda thing

Strangeness and Charm (73407 words*), plance, a collection of prompts cross-posted from tumblr so they’re really a bunch of individual fics but i’ll count them as one for now

*word count not entirely accurate because subsequent chapters are complete but not posted

Total number:  39 (counting S&C as one fic) Total word count:  288,132 part of me wishes i was making this up

Ship/Character breakdown: Ship breakdown:  plance, undoubtedly, wins; gen stuff takes second place. then there’s the odd shallura/kallura/pallura stuff (i like all Allura ships so) Character breakdown:  hmm. Pidge and Lance dominate, obviously. Pidge also tends to dominate by gen stuff, with Allura possibly coming in second. Poor Shiro and Keith (though i still love them) kinda......lose

Characters that had the main focus: Pidge in much of my plance and gen stuff, Lance in much of my plance stuff, Allura in a decent amount of my gen stuff as well as in that languishing kallura fic

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title:  None really jump out at me, but I think‘Build on Shaky Ground’. Also before i suffer some serious post-posting (hehe) embarrassment, I’ve titled this brand-spanking new fic ‘The Start of Something New?’ (the question mark is compulsory) and i’m way too proud of myself for that reference to HSM at the moment. Honorable mention to ‘Search and Rescue’ for sounding more serious than the fic’s plot actually is

Worst title:  I’m actually displeased with most, but only ‘Smuggle Your Heart’ makes me cringe every time I see it

Best/worst first line? Best:  not sure but as i look now the first line from this fic gave me a good laugh:

Lance thought that after two years in space fighting furry purple aliens while flying a sentient robot lion that merged with four other sentient robot lions to form one large robot man nothing could possible surprise him.

Worst:  if i actually took the time to look through all my fics, i’d probably find so many awful first lines, but i’m too lazy so this one is a weak first line from my one and only shallura fic:

Shiro had never seen Matt and Pidge happier.

Best/worst last line? Best:  uh to be honest i think they’re all kinda bad but here are a couple funny ones (from this and this) that don’t require much work on my part sorry i’m lazy:

Lance watched him go for a tic, shrugged, and went off in search of someone else to bother, preferably someone he would not mind kissing.

“It was strange enough that I actually don’t want to forget, so listen closely, because I won’t tell it twice.”

Worst:  point at any one of my fics. i’m never happy with the Last Line. but here from Shopping for Disaster (it makes sense in context):

He still wrote the ticket.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I wrote...way more

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

definitely VLD in general, because i was still...hesitant to get into it?? i didn’t watch it till spring of this year 2017 a few months after season 2 came out, i think What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

There’s this one (named ‘Siren Song’) that has yet to be posted into my collection on ao3 and it’s a concept i very much want to expand into a fully fledged long fic. and, to be honest, i thought it would get more notes than it did

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

By tumblr notes, this one ('A Sticky Situation’ on ao3) takes the cake with 168 notes

By kudos/bookmarks/comments on ao3, that would be A Slip of the Thumb with 225 kudos and 31 bookmarks

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Me, constantly:  I write gen fic too guys (in all seriousness, my Inkheart AU is going to be great)

Story that could have been better?

Can i say all of them?? No?? Okay, taking recent fic into account (because i do think i’ve improved overall even in the last few months), i wish i’d spent more time and put more effort into ‘Shopping for Disaster’, especially with making the action scenes more plausible, making the Druid scarier (because i want to get better at writing horror, believe it or not), etc. Pro tip though:  don’t write while you have a headache

And actually now that i think of it, I would scrap all of ‘Wisdom of Hindsight’ because it’s awful and uses a trope i really hate

Sexiest story?

sex?? in my fanfic??

but anyway!! hmm...’The Art of Seduction’ probably had the most graphic (except also not really) makeout scene. ‘Propriety’ (part of the collection) was almost definitely the most suggestive. ‘Howl at the Moon’ had the double whammy of a fakeout makeout and a fake marriage along with the kiss at the very end of the fic. so i dunno, i guess it’s in the eye of the beholder??

as far as vibe is concerned though, i actually think ‘Smuggle Your Heart’ is kinda...sexy?? *shrugs* Saddest story?

‘Specter’ without a doubt. *cue evil laughter* Most fun?

‘Smuggle Your Heart’ was actually wildly fun to write. i was really into action scenes at the time

Story with single sweetest moment?

not sure, but in my humble opinion it would the majority of ‘Burnout’ (also from the collection), particularly this sizeable bit:

Pidge would never admit it to anyone - except to Lance himself, maybe - but she liked it when he clung to her like this, or when she latched herself onto him. There was just something soothing about having another human body pressed against hers, a balm for the mind and a relaxant for the muscles.

Some of the tension trickled out of her as she leaned back into Lance, and his arms tightened around her, sensing her need.

“Guess what?” Lance said, voice soft and close to her ear.

“…did Coran get his hand stuck in something weird again?”

Lance rubbed his nose - scratching, probably - against the side of her head, then chuckled, the vibration reverberating from his chest into her back. “No,” he said. “Try again.”

“Hunk figured out a way to imitate peanut butter?”

“All right, you get one more guess before I tell you.”

Pidge rolled her eyes but said, “Did you finally find out how to swim in the upside down pool?”

“Oh, ha ha, very funny, Pidge,” Lance grumbled.

For some reason, that made her giggle, if only because the image of Lance’s last pitiful attempt to swim laps in the Castle’s pool cheered her.

“So…what?” Pidge said, turning her head slightly so that Lance could see her frown. Of course he would dangle a mystery in front of her without giving her a chance to solve it…

“I love you,” he said, pressing a doting kiss to her forehead.

Pidge’s face flushed, pleased and embarrassed all at the same time, her worries dissolving as easily as sugar in hot tea. “So?” she said, trying to show him how unaffected she was. “I love you too, so it’s not that special.”

“But you are, Pidge,” Lance said. He buried his face in her hair. “You’re special, and smart, and confident, and we wouldn’t be able to function without you. And anytime you’re faced with a challenge, it bows down to you, its queen - wait, no, it’s empress.”

Pidge laughed and rubbed her face. “Oh my God, Lance,” she said. “That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“But it’s true,” Lance insisted. “And I know for a fact you love being praised.”

“Well…”

Lance let go of her and moved away, and Pidge missed him instantly…at least until he knelt on the floor next to her, putting him at below eye level in relation to her. He cupped her face, gently, and made sure she met his eyes. “You’re amazing, Pidge, and when you crack this code, we’ll all sing your praises.”

Pidge rested her forehead against his, reaching behind him to bury her hands in his hair. “But especially you, right?”

He smirked. “I’ll be the loudest one.”

Lance then kissed her, so softly it wasn’t much more than a warm brush of lips, and he pulled back before her eyes even closed. “Also,” he added, with a slow, sly smile, “it wouldn’t hurt to take a break, right?”

Hardest story to write?

This borderline crack fic that had a shippy premise but the prompter challenged me to write gen for it. i succeeded (i think), but was it worth it?? probably

Easiest/most fun story to write?

They’re all fun to a certain degree, but this The Wizard of Oz AU was great fun once I hit my stride. also honorable mention to ‘Smuggle Your Heart’, of which i wrote about 17k words in one day in a hyperfocusing haze (i didn’t sleep till 3 AM that day and i would’ve skipped dinner if my parents hadn’t reminded me).

(i haven’t had a day so productive yet inefficient since)

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I actually....disliked Lance until i started shipping plance, and then my love for him only grew the more i wrote him lol. even season 1 Lance can be fun to write now, if only because he’s so ridiculous

Most overdue story?

hmm, perhaps something like ‘Failure to Launch’ because there’s a lot to explore in the adultier adults important to Team Voltron, particularly what Sam - the dad - might feel about his pretty young children getting sucked into a fight like this. but *shrugs*

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

not really?? i...kinda played it safe?? perhaps ‘Ink on a Page’ is my riskiest venture to date because it’s a long fic and i have a poor track record with long fic that i start posting before finishing. hopefully i’m learning discipline and like actually finishing things

also i think ‘Specter’ was pretty risky, as would be writing anything i really have very little experience in feeling, plus people tend to feel very strongly about major character deaths and i was unsure how people (particularly people i interact with) would receive it. and i guess i learned that it’s okay to take risks?? i was pleased with the way the fic turned out (even if it broke my heart to write it), and it was sorta begging me to be written (you know that itch you get when a story wants out??). and ultimately i’m writing for myself...but it’s still nice when other people like your writing too

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Finish ‘Ink on a Page’

Finish and post my definitely unconventional The Holiday AU that’s currently languishing as a Word doc of about 20k words

Write something amazing for the plance zine

Expand/write my sailor AU (of which ‘Siren Song’ is the prelude)

Write a slow burn plance fic (to be fair, The Holiday AU and the sailor AU are looking to be slow burn, of sorts)

Maybe...not write so much by the seat of my pants, be less impulsive and more thoughtful, outline more but remain flexible, be more efficient so i don’t burnout, push myself to write even when i’m not feeling ‘inspired’

Not compare myself to other writers (sad but true)

write for a different fandom/pairing?? who even knows at this point