#like even if I don't have a hard deadline the things I've agreed to do for other people haunt me until I complete them

[mira--mira]

Life lessons I have not learned but know I need to: Not everyone obsesses over agreements and responsibilities like I do to the point of ‘forgetting I agreed to something’ has only been something I’ve done a handful of times in my life. This is extremely exacerbated when it comes to agreeing to do things for other people even for the most mundane things. Most people in fact just forget things.

[chaifootsteps]

(long ask, sorry!) the new media HH/HB thread on TV Tropes is doing the 'Viv gets scorn no matter what because she's a queer woman who makes things' routine atm (they're blaming TADC fans for toxicity and discussing the 'write like HB' trend, for context)

I've definitely seen creators (anyone, really) get far more hate online when they're female for stupid reasons, but it's frustrating to see them do the 'Viv can't win no matter what she does' thing because I can't really think of an instance where she hasn't responded to criticism she doesn't like, or has actually tried behaving like a professional for a minute - even some of her fans on subreddits have said she needs to step away from Twitter for her reputation's sake or hire someone for PR.

The reason she 'can't win' is not because she's a woman - she's not Rebecca Sugar and she's not Tracy Butler who know how to behave professionally (and before Viv started mudslinging at Lackadaisy, neither Tracy nor the LD crew had any drama attached to them despite Tracy being a woman herself... curious)

Viv's a creator who acts as though she doesn't have the confidence to let her work stand on its own merits and can't bring herself to ignore criticism (given she seems to disagree with practically all of it; the only thing I've seen Spindlehorse try to improve is not using red as a bg color so much and cutting down on the constant sound effects), & as a result she has cultivated a fandom who feel rewarded when they make tweets either defending her or explaining the show on her behalf because she keeps liking those tweets, which only makes it happen more. the lack of distance she keeps from her fans and the way she actively rewards the ones who put down criticism of her makes them act like she's their friend instead of someone whose show they like and someone who is actively using them as both a shield & sword. This is why the fandom has a bad rep, it's not just that the Hellaverse shows suck - it's that their creator will paint all criticisms as bad faith and only makes the effort to address fans not when they harass, bully or threaten people, but when they do something that affects her personally (like celebrate a ship on the same day as her birthday). and I understand social media feels like overwhelming toxic noise: but that's why creators need to learn to step back and not engage so much. enabling toxic fans aside, this level of enmeshment strikes me as bad for anyone looking to hone their craft and create something meaningful

as much as I want to offer some pushback in that thread I feel the plagiarism accusations will be immediately downplayed or ignored and any mention of bad pay or treatment in the workplace will be met with accusations of 'debunked!!' or 'some of the reviews were fake therefore all of them are, even the ones that line up with consistent accounts of bullying or misgendering or a pattern of no deadlines being given!!' asking 'I don't understand what she's done to attract this level of vitriol' kind of suggests they haven't looked that hard or listened to anyone who would want to tell them

but if I was to put it to them, I think I would say - Viv will 'win' when she behaves like a professional, credits people properly, doesn't just drop people when they're no longer useful, stops burning bridges with other people working in the indie animation space, stops vaguing and painting all criticisms as bad faith and understands that even behaving professionally will not make people stop criticizing her show, because every artist in the world has to deal with the fact that people will want to discuss and critique their work. and though I doubt the writing on her shows would ever improve, I'm sure people would at least respect her trying to act more like the professional showrunner she's supposed to be. no one can 100% control their own narrative with her level of Internet fame, but the best way not to make it actively worse is to stop trying to imo

Agreed, and also I feel like it's been years since TvTropes was right about anything. Although even the Viv pages on TvTropes have been very slowly getting more and more critical.

[blazehedgehog]

ICYMI: My Sonic Frontiers Criticism/Essay Is Out Now

So here's the last four months of my life come to fruition: the longest piece of edited criticism I've ever put on my Youtube channel, clocking in at just over an hour. For those of you that may be new around here, I am pretty against making long videos. I don't know if I overthink things too much or what, but it's rare for me to have much tolerance for feature-length reviews of things. They can wear me out just watching them, and it definitely wears me out to make them.

But sometimes you just have a lot to say. And I didn't even necessarily say everything I could have said here; there were things I would have added if not for the looming deadline proposed by the video sponsor. That's not a complaint -- sometimes you need someone else to tell you "be done by this date or else." Limitations foster creativity and toiling away at perfection can sometimes be just as toxic as crunch.

What I was trying to say is it's a big video, and it was hard keeping everything straight in my head because there was so much. One of those times where I was glad how I planned things out in advance, because sometimes the thoughts you had four months ago are not the same thoughts you have today, and the thoughts from four months ago were better.

It's already proving to be a bit of a divisive video, given I am going against the grain here. But I'm a big boy. I've spent time on the front lines of these sorts of things before. I know how to handle myself. I mean, half the reason I started my tumblr back in the day was pointing out some of the truly deranged takes I'd get in the replies to my Sonic 06 video.

Though I do worry. I'm getting a lot of people who are... politely declining to tell me what they think. More than a few "I don't agree with you, but I'm glad you released this video" that then never elaborate further. And that makes me feel bad? But why? Do I want to argue with my friends? Not particularly.

But more to the point, are people afraid to argue with me? Do I get too aggressive? I've picked up on a vibe, not just from friends, where people seem to go out of their way to avoid arguments with and/or around me. I mean I literally just said I started my Tumblr blog as a "get a load of this guy in my comments" spotlight (which, for the record, I don't do anymore). I don't want to be scary. But is it scary, or is it a strength? Or am I just imagining the whole thing? History says it's probably that last one, but it doesn't stop me from wondering. It's a lot to chew on.

At the end of the day, I do think parts of this script could have been better. I do kind of get a little mean at a couple points in ways I could have written around. A lot of people are bristling at the opening spiel, where I get more than a little "you people" about the Game Awards voting situation. There's another part later in the video where I also feature actual comments from a previous video and as I was editing it together I thought, "this sounds mean." But given I was less than 24 hours away from that deadline, I just had to roll with it (so I at least blurred the names and cropped the avatars out).

I'll end this post by quoting what I wrote on Patreon day before yesterday for the early access version of this video:

What a march this has been. I've worked on some videos that felt like they took forever, but nothing like this. This felt like the project that would never end. Some of that's because, after pushing myself so hard on the Sonic Adventure 2 video, I tried to be a little more casual with this one. I think I started the script around the end of April, a couple weeks after finishing the game on-stream. The idea was to avoid burnout.  And then the script grew, and grew, and grew, to be the longest script I've ever written. After doing voice over, I had three hours of material I had to cut down. I captured more than 60 hours of gameplay from more than 50 games. Thank goodness I took the time to stop and "storyboard" out this review like I did with the SA2 video. It actually proved to be extremely valuable here -- with a video this long, that takes so long to put together, it's hard to keep all of your ideas hot and ready in your head. Often I'd fall back to the storyboard and realize I planned something months ago that was way better than what I was doing in the moment.  And then in July, a sponsor came calling again. Suddenly I had a real deadline. The last four weeks have been a race to move this mountain of material into something resembling the shape of a video. The last couple days in particular have felt something like a miracle. A work ethic I hadn't tapped into in years suddenly roared to life as I locked down 20+ minutes of video in a matter of hours. It may have involved several actual panic attacks and me running on about four hours of sleep, but here we are. I was revising the script all the way up until a week ago. In retrospect, the sponsor segment probably leans a little too much on SAGE content, but by the time I realized that the train was barreling down the tracks too fast to stop. Thoughts for next time, I guess.

Patrons get a PDF of the script I used, including an unfinished earlier draft I abandoned where I think I was actually even meaner about it, if you can believe it. They also get a PDF of what my "storyboarding" process looks like (which is all just text).

I'll probably toss up a post for all the art I made for this video, too.

[betweenthings2]

taking pictures of each other whenever they're doing anything + gatty? 🥹

Thank you for the ask!! The prompt list is here if anyone else wants to see it =)

I tried so very hard to make this fluffy so y'all can have some fluff after Cherry Wine. It didn't really work, but I did try and it is a little fluffier. Anyway.

Just married couple's prompts- taking pictures of each other whenever they're doing anything.

George is hunched over his laptop, entirely unaware of everything around him, until he glances up and is met with Matty's phone. Matty immediately puts his phone done, looking sheepish. George gives him an inquisitive look, but Matty doesn't say anything, just tries to look very innocent. George doesn't bother pushing Matty for an explanation, just goes back to what he's doing. He's working on a deadline, after all.

And then it happens again. George is working on dinner, standing at the counter chopping vegetables, and he glances up to see Matty very working very hard to be subtle as he points his phone at George. He promptly puts his phone down and starts talking about something he saw on Twitter that he's rambled to George about before. He's covering for something, George knows, but he lets it slide. It's Matty. Matty always has reasons for things George doesn't always follow.

George only puts it together when he comes home from running errands late one afternoon to find Matty sitting cross legged on the floor, bent over an acoustic guitar. He's playing something quietly and Mayhem is laying on the floor in front of him, like Matty's putting on a private concert just for him. Matty's wedding ring catches and throws the light on the wall in front when he plays just the right chord. He doesn't notice when the door falls closed, just pauses to say something to Mayhem, then continues, so George stops and pulls out his phone, snapping a few pictures. As he does, George realizes that this is probably exactly what Matty had been doing those times he'd glanced up to see not Matty, but his phone and he suddenly feels very endeared.

"Hey," George greets once he's put his phone away, still standing at the entry to the living room.

Matty glances up and sets his guitar aside, saying, "Hi. When'd you get home?"

"Just now. Caught the tail end of Mayhem's little concert."

Matty huffs a laugh and admits, "I've got an idea that's not really working. Mayhem thought he might help."

"Will he be getting writing credits, then?" George teases, sitting behind Matty on the couch.

Matty sighs and rests his head against George's knee. "No. I wish. Maybe just special thanks."

George cards his fingers through Matty's hair, more grey with every passing day and offers, "Well, you wanna show me?"

"Later," Matty says. "How was-"

"Running errands," George fills in.

"Yeah. How was that?"

"Fine. I missed you."

"Aw, really?" Matty asks.

"Yeah. I always miss you when you're not around."

"Me, too," Matty murmurs. "I miss you, too."

"And," George continues, "I realized what you're doin' every time I look up and see your phone, not you--you're takin' pictures."

"'m allowed to take pictures, aren't I? You married me."

"Yeah, you are," George agrees. "So am I."

"God," Matty groans. "Did you just start taking pictures of me when you got home?"

George chuckles. "They're flattering, if that's what you're concerned with."

Matty kind of shrugs. "I guess I don't have room to complain, do I?"

"Not if you're gonna admit it," George agrees.

Matty hums, acquiescing.

George runs his fingers through Matty's hair once more and says, "Lemme up and I'll make you dinner."

Matty shakes his head. "Can you just stay for a minute?"

"I'll stay as long as you want," George promises. "Anything you want?"

"Really?" Matty asks. "Can I see the pictures you took?"

"If you want," George agrees, pulling his phone out and handing it over to Matty.

Matty takes it, swiping casually through George's photos, even though he hadn't really wanted to see the photos, just wondered if George would show him. When he's done looking, he passes George's phone back, quiet.

"Matty?" George asks.

"'m fine," Matty answers, sniffling a bit, "'s just, I love you a lot."

"I love you, too," George echoes. "A lot."

[millerflintstone]

So much of my career in software development was under high stress. There was always the background stress I put on myself for taking care of my mom and sister financially. Then there were the jobs themselves. Looking back on what I've done and where I've worked, my two most enjoyable jobs were based in Michigan - my first job in Ann Arbor and then my 2013 based in Flint. The first one ended because we moved to GA. The second one ended because that company was acquired by another and they did not renew contractors, which is what I was.

I'm thinking about this because I sent off code samples to yesterday's interviewer. I sent 3 and they were all recent-ish (2016- 2021). One was Java related, which was from the 2016 crazy project I agreed to do because i was wanting to get out of database crap. I wrote a ridiculous amount of code and set the web front end up and I honestly cannot remember how I did that, but I did it.

The other two were from the TX job that sold off their IT department to services provider company. One was C# script related to a project that was squeezed in and had ridiculous timelines. The other was for the project I was assigned when I was hired on. That was UNIX/SQL. That project I also stressed about because I just really hated having gotten stuck in database land again. I also ended up needing a hysterectomy and worked my surgery date around the deadlines. Only had two weeks off, too.

After I got the samples together and emailed them out, I had SUCH a headache. When I had prepped last week for this same interview, I was wiped out because of having gone over my resume to have talking points. Last night I had a really hard time falling asleep and just felt on edge and I think it was due to going over that code and my body remembering the stress it was in as it was being written.

I've said this before - apparently work related PTSD is a thing. think I might have PTSD related to these past jobs. There's a combination of feeling both awed and unhappy while thinking, "holy shit how did I do all of that in a short period of time?" Just thinking about it now is exhausting and unsettling. I'm actually involuntarily crying right now as I'm writing this.

Maybe if my mom and/or sister were still alive, I'd still be pushing down my feelings and working at the same pace due to my own feelings of obligation. I really think that because they're both gone and I don't have that worry, my brain recognized I don't have to do this anymore.

Now as for the job that I'm interviewing for, it seems different. For all tech hires at this place, they go through a month of training. They don't expect people to jump in at the deep end and swim.

The tech reminds me of the excitement I felt when I was learning programming. I loved all of the programming courses I took to see if I even liked it. I didn't expect to love it. Then working in healthcare sucked that joy right out of me eventually.

I have no idea how I'll do for the next round of interviews. My gut tells me I won't be advancing and honestly, that's fine. While I would love to learn something new and feel that joy again with this place, I would also be fine just doing something kinda mindless that pays halfway decent and doesn't stress me out to where I feel like I'm feeling now from just thinking about the stress that I've felt in the past.

[autizta]

So theres this thread on twitter

And while I fully agree with it, and it's bringing a good conversation for not only the warriors fandom I think but also many artistic communities, some people are worried many people are just upset they aren't getting on popular projects and are jealous of popular artists and that's the end of the story.

In particular I saw an artist I love but won't name say there's nothing wrong with crunching for MAProjects, as its just like being in a game jam. So as someone who's done both I thought I'd share a comparison I made with some friends privately, as to make a point in favor of the thread.

TLDR; short deadline maprojects the way they are right now are bound to the capitalist system that encourages artists to crunch while jams are healthy creative challenges, i dont want to accept this system or treat it as normal even if it is because its very unhealhy.

First, here are some Animation Jams! Which are the actual equivalent of Game Jams for animators, just 3 is enough:

WARNING: THE 5TH SHORT IN THE SALA 408 STUDIO JAM HAS A VERY EXPLICIT BUT MILDLY CENSORED SEX SCENE

Here are some facts about these animation jams and jams in general:

the animations are all short

the animations are mostly pretty simple

the animations are made by groups of 2 to idk 10 people some of those i had a hard time counting

the animations made by 1 person are rare and the simplest of all

some animations are seemingly unfinished and that is not a problem, whatever they have by 72 hours is what they have to deliver

sometimes they're given themes

the artists had a day to a weekend to work on their animations, which were moments that were timed specifically so they could focus fully on this as a fun event/game/challenge whatever you want to call it

even if artists have to work alone they don't have to work physically alone, most jams provide space or encourage people to get together in a space dedicated for them to work

Okay now, let us make a similar list but for short deadline MAProjects! I won't be showing any here because I don't want to expose anyone or to be hunted down by The Untouchable Big Animators of the fandom, just look up warriors weekend MAP on youtube, read the thread and the experiences people are sharing of working on these projects and come back here if you need a reference.

the animations are all short ✔️

the animations have to be professional level

the animations are rarely a collaboration of more than one person, usually someone steps in to collab when the original artist isn't managing anymore

the animation needs to be fully shaded colored and smoothly animated, if you can't deliver that its your fault and you shouldn't have signed up for the project

usually there's themes ✔️, designs and even storyboards set up to make things easier on the artists

the artists had a day to a weekend to work on their animations, which were moments that were timed specifically so they could focus fully on this as a fun event/game/challenge whatever you want to call it. ✔️the short deadline is a surprise sometimes though

if the animation is not perfectly finished by the deadline the artist will receive shorter and shorter extensions, and sometimes collaborators, until its done, this is called crunching

the artists all work from home, alone, with their own materials and space and lives

Now, I've added a checkmark to the things Jams and Short Deadline MAProjects have in common, do notice that saying they are similar is a bit of a stretch! Now, I suppose you could say its because MAProjects choose to be more professional for portfolios and stuff and there's nothing wrong with it as long as everyone has fun, and that is exactly what I profoundly disagree with and what motivated me to make this post, what desperately needs to be said again and again and again as many times as needed.

First off, jams can be used for portfolios too! It's why these schools and institutes and studios post their jams on Youtube! But no one getting into it should be expects to create something professional EVER, that defeats the purpose of jams completely! Jams are exercises on creativity, where worrying about perfeccionism should be thrown out the window so you can give way for brainstorming and fun because that's what creates good art! Thats what makes a good artist!

I've seen this happen with my colleagues and their colleagues in all corners of the art industry. When you say you'd rather do only "professional level" animation for your portfolio, and by that you mean fully rendered animations made crunching, you're saying you want to tell any future contractors that they can abuse you to hell and back in the industry.

You guys think there's no issue treating these projects as normal as long as everyone is having fun? Wait until you are burnt out from art or get some serious injuries/conditions that just make it impossible for you to create like you used to. If we don't limit ourselves, or bodies do, and by then you'll have thousands of medical bills you can't pay for because you can't work like you used to and of course you weren't being paid for the extra hours you did of work, after all you were just having fun right?

I agree its not easy to just, shift to having all projects be relaxed and fun again, remove the pressure the fandom puts on the artists, get rid of all the people that are making it worse. That's because this is a systemic issue caused by late stage capitalism that affects ALL kinds of artists!!

If you guys wanna sit down and accept the propaganda that will kill us all in the end, say "its just the way it is!" or "Join better MAProjects" like that solves it all! Alright! There's nothing I can do but I won't join you, I won't be quiet about this or dismiss it. Don't worry I'm not gonna """cancel""" anyone or whatever, this isn't an attack at specific animators, the artists are victims here remember? I'm not gonna be not even a little bit nice to the system they and many others they're a part of though.

Here's to more jams, post over bye bye

[findingmypeace]

I know I haven't written an indepth update for a while. I just wrote this in an email to my outpatient therapist and dietitian. We've exchanged emails every so often just to keep them in the loop.

I'm going to put my latest response under a cut because I feel like it's way too much of a 'debbie downer' kind of post.

As an update, things are quite bad... I've never felt so much self-hatred, and this depressed, hopeless, and alone. Insurance has approved iop through 12/31/2023 but that is to be expected because that is the last day of my coverage with (current insurance plan) and (new insurance plan). However, I'm pretty sure this will be my last week of iop because there's not much more they can do for me. I'm really, really scared of what will happen if I don't have that little bit of extra support.

I talked to my parents... My brother's wedding was Nov. 18th. I'm not quite sure where things are at. My Mom texted and then called me on Thanksgiving and we had a 2-3 minute conversation.

(RY) and I have drifted apart quite a bit. That hurts so much. I feel almost entirely alone.

Sleep was crazy for a while. First night eating. That stopped but then I started waking myself from kicking while saying how much I hate myself and to "Make it stop." It's calmed down a lot since a huge increase in my night meds and since I've gotten new bedding.

I do not at all recognize my body. I saw my weight a month ago and at that time I was (X). I can't imagine where it's at now. Every time I see my reflection anywhere, the disgust is sky high. I despise my body which in turn increases my self-hatred so much.

I love (program director at php/iop). I feel like she's the only one that will tell it to me straight and I trust her so much. Last week she met with me and we discussed that I've been in a relapse for a while. I'd have to say I agree with her...  ED behaviors are weird, in fact I'd say it's tortuous. It's a mixture of b/ping, restricting, and grazing. My meal plan has pretty much flown out the window. Of course this has only increased my self-hatred. And I'm scared. I CAN NOT stay at this weight but what will happen in full relapse? I don't know if my body can withstand that and I don't want all of this treatment for nothing.

Dissociation has been happening frequently and it's intense and scary. Essentially I'll get online, go down the rabbit hole, and then it's 6-7hrs later and I look around and realize what's happened and have to reorient myself back to existing in the real world. I tried so many things to prevent it but at this time I've kind of given up. It usually happens on the weekend when I have the day free. At this point, I think I need to not be in my apartment at all, even on my days off.

Work is great but stressful because of constant deadlines. It's kind of hard to maintain deadlines when I'm spending 5hrs/day (2 of those hrs are for commuting) dedicated to treatment. Add in the dissociation and I'm almost always getting 4-5hrs of sleep a night because I'm either staying up super late or getting up super early to get things done on time.

That said, I have gotten a lot out of treatment this time. It's all in my head. I have such a hard time putting everything I've learned into action. It's all there but the depression, hopelessness, and self-hatred are so intense that doing anything takes a HUGE amount of energy.

So not the greatest update. I'm sorry if this is super depressing or pessimistic. I'm just really not in a good place.

[maehemthemisfit]

I really relate to the ask thing, I never really know how to answer an ask/ if I've answered it well enough (even just normal asks) I really don't know if what I said was good enough or sufficient to the person. (what if they don't like what I say? Or what if it's not an answer they wanted.)

I remember a while back I opened an event and got over 30 asks for it in a matter of days. I somehow managed to do 21 asks but after that I was burned out and deleting the asks felt wrong when I was doing it (some of them were really polite or told me how they really liked my blog) but I was burnt out and mental health came first.

It’s just hard to know what to answer, and similarity to you, it gets overwhelming for me too and subsequently a seemingly large task to complete- I still have my into: the woods event asks to complete…

THANK YOU, IM GLAD IM NOT ALONE !!

I got an ask the other day from an anon saying they love when their asks are answered, shout out to all the bloggers who answer asks and I didn't know how to feel because there's so much more to sending/receiving asks that people don't comprehend just how much goes into it and how difficult it can be

explanation utc

Yes I know how good the feeling is when a creator answers your ask/request and I've been on the receiving end of having many of my asks ignored/unanswered or sometimes i find that my ask was answers (ages afterwards) to the point where i forgot I even sent it, but now as a person who gets them frequently, I now understand the struggle.

I love interactions, especially ones where I don't have to think too much about, just simple hi's and hello's and how was your day type of asks

And then there are those asks that I feel like I have to pour my heart into just to answer it, even if I'm not particularly interested or my brain's just not latching onto the idea. We all have different tastes and I get that. And I feel bad when Im active and receive an ask and I don't immediately respond to it. Sometimes I just wanna chill or I simply don't know how to answer it yet. Then there's asks that are copies of previous ones, like they seen I haven't answered it and sent another one again, just urging me even more to complete something like they've given me deadline... i get that tumblr can mess up the sending process but it really feels like they're slapping something in my face showing that I missed it...

And then there are those asks that are too forward or so excited about you answering I just completely deflate at. I just feel even more pressured.

Even when they put (you can ignore this) I still feel sad about it, like I'm letting them down because of my inability to write a response. And then there's the ones who just make requests and completely disregard my rules in my pinned posts and ask for characters I don't even write for or things I don't write. My people pleaser self is fighting to make everyone happy though.

There's also the other ones that makes me uncomfortable to answer or things that I don't want posted on my blog... I used to get a lot of vent asks or unsettling asks that I didn't exactly agree with and when I tried to respond I didn't like how it turned out or how the message was conveyed, I always try to be mindful about what I post considering the people I know who follow me. I still hope the best for whoever's on the other side of the screen

And then there's the repetitive asks that becomes too much where you can't keep up with (and my fear of deleting them just leads to my downfall). The amount of asks I have in my inbox now and before I started deleting them?? You'd be surprised.

I'm glad people like interacting with my blog but I feel like there's a line of boundaries and expectations people seem to fail to realize. I had to learn the hard way that I couldn't please everyone.

From the anxiety and stress, to managing your life and mental health as well? It's a lot to handle. You never know what op is going through, but I feel people expect the best and more from them no matter what. Even when they're asking for free content.

I had to abandon events before because my health just got in the way or I just became overwhelmed with life and my online presence. It starts to feel more like a task than a passion and then you see all these people asking for things from you but then you get little interactions from the content you put out so now you're wondering if what you're doing is a waste. It's really upsetting. I've made so many friends who's deactivated or has long been inactive because of it and I also had my moments where I thought of getting rid of my blog.

Even when responding to mutuals and their asks, it's a challenge. I just hope they bare with me and my pacing, we're trying our best!!

Shout out to the bloggers who try their hardest!!! That every word you type and convey is worth something, even if it lays unsaid. That it's okay to take a break and prioritize your health first, even if you feel like you're letting other people down!

You're not obligated to do anything you can't. If you're not passionate, or if you're uninterested, stressed, or overwhelmed about something you receive, it's okay to let it go. And if you're under stress from external factors that comes with managing your own personal life and wellbeing, just know it's okay to hit delete and it all becomes to much. It's also alright to delete asks you simply don't want to do. It is your blog and your life and in the end, your decision on how you want to go about answering something.

No matter how simple or complex the ask is. It's okay. We're all doing our best.

As for askers, please respect bloggers and their boundaries and don't get upset if your ask goes unanswered. Just like you we have our own lives and variables that effect us. We can't make everything perfect to your liking or be the perfect creator for everyone. We all have beautiful ideas, likes, dislikes, and interests, so please don't attack anyone for their struggles or how they manage their inbox.

Spread the love and support your bloggers!!! We are all trying our best so please bare with us. I hope we can all understand our limits and come to terms with what we can and cannot achieve

[storytimewithnova]

For Him

Chapter 1

A/N Play this while Reading

We are runnin' so fast that dream again 

Akaashi’s pov 

If you asked me what I would be doing with my life I would never say oh I am a manga editor honestly I never thought I would be where I am today without the support of one person by my side the whole way. I can't help thinking what would life be like if you know I just vanished and gone somewhere anywhere where no one knows us what if we assumed new identities and just now started our careers as a manga editor and trainer at all I can't help but imagine it hey why don't we what's stopping us no scrap that whose to stop  us I ran to Koshi and some him up “babe wake up I've been thinking”

“About what love,” he asked 

“Us just running so far and so fast and we never look back and whatever I lack you make up”

“keiji how long have you been thinking about this”

“Awhile honestly we can do it now before my next deadline and your next training camp lets just run you and me now,” I said to Koshi and I know I must sound crazy to him right now but I don't care I am committed to this “koshi we can go anywhere be anywhere  but here “

We make a really good team

And not everyone sees

We got this crazy chemistry

Between us

Still with Akaashi’s pov 

“Babe listen We make a really good team And not everyone sees We got this crazy chemistry Between us” “well that is true and bi have always told you’re my missing link to my chain the other half of my heart we take the world on together rather than apart”. Koshi said to Akaashi

Chapter 2

Koshi pov

“This is the craziest thing we have ever come up with and without any explanation”  I sighed at him  “ this is our life our careers And you just wanna up and leave What about our families what about our friends you know what Keiji jump start the car cause the city’s a bore we can buy E cigarettes t the convenience store making up new clichés on our own little tour lets ride I'm agreeing to do this but I want an explanation along the way".

You don't have to say I love you to say I love you

Forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons

Akaashi’s PoV 

"I will explain everything in the car lets go and about everyone we will phone them when we are settled somewhere"

"Ok Keiji  I'm waiting for that explanation" "Just imagine what our life would be like if we didn't start the band if no one knew us if we were practically nobodies" You don't have to say I love you to say I love you forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons no more wishing if our life could be different this is chance we could be together properly no more hiding even adopt a kid be a family"just me and you.

We've been making shades of purple out of red and blue

Koshi’s  PoV 

"Babe about the adoption thing we don't have to go though all that" "What do you mean" "I'm a carrier which means I can have kids" all our lives we've been making shades of purple out of red and blue no more secrets Sickeningly sweet like honey, don't need money All I need is you All I need is you, you

Akaashi’s PoV 

Sickeningly sweet like honey babe don't need money all I need in this moment is you just you that's all I need you.

Chapter 3

Third person 

They left their jobs  house and started their Journey to anywhere as Akaashi put it they stopped by cliff to watch the sunset after stopping at the convenience store brought some beers and e cigarettes.

Akaashi’s PoV 

Well We try staying up late But we both are light weights when we get off our face, too easy And we take jokes way too far Cause sometimes living's too hard We're like two halves of one heart I can't bare the thought of living with out you. You don't have to say I love you to say I love you

Koshi’s PoV

Like you said Kei you don't have to say I love you to say I love you lets get in the car and drive start our new life just me and you Forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons you convinced me to run away from the life we had to start a family you made me believe in you so let's drive any where We've been making shades of purple out of red and blue I want to be with the one I love Keiji that has and always will be you Sickeningly sweet like honey a little bit cheesy and we don't need money All I need is you And only you so put you foot down and drive.

Third person 

They drove for miles and miles till they ended up in a little town away from Miyagi Japan  to rhode island  or a valley they liked both so they thought they would look at both.

Meanwhile back with some of friends was waking in up or rather Shoyo was waking everyone in the shared house .

Shoyo PoV

"Yams wake up our band practice starts today" Sho yams kags and tsukki have been in a band since school now their in college their band is still together and going strong 

"Huh what time is it 4:45 sho it's stupid o'clock wake me up later I love you night" “Tch Tadashi Yamaguchi get your lazy ass out of bed now"

I then knocked on Keiji No chan door 

"Onii chan rise and shine"

No answer 

"Keiji Ni chan"

I yelled hard this time and the door Swung open to reveal thst Akaashi wasn't there the bed was left as it was the day before 

"Bokkun " I yell 

What he says back practically irritated now 

"Onii chan’s bed hasn't been slept in"

"His probably sleeping with Koshi"

Figuring Bokuto maybe right I went to wake Koshi up 

"Mom wake up"

No answer I opened the door and his bed was like Akaashi’s untouched 

"Bokkun their not here" what do you mean their not there"

Bokuto came walking up wait they are generally not here we need to phone and inform management.

Chapter 4

A/N this chapter may contain a trigger warning 

Back with Akaashi  and koshi   time skip they moved to the valley started a new life it was going well had a little girl in their life a whole family and a new identity no one knowing who they are what their life's use to be like but things started to change after Sonny may was born. 

Koshi PoV 

Our life changed after sonny people started recognising us I couldn't take the hate with the fans because we left out the blue the fans started blaming me said I put the idea in to Akaashi’s  head other bullshit like blackmail I ran to the bathroom Keiji was out so he couldn't stop me I started Eat a pill or a few to stay chill  and settle my nerves calm down and I then went to take a shower and only to  break down again. After receiving a text

K💕: hey Koshi i won't be home need a break take care of our little girl and don't look at this as a break up more as a time out.

K🔪:you don't need to go I'm about to bring emo back if you leave my home

K💕: koshi what do you mean 

...

......

...

K💕: Koshi  answer me

Akaashi’s PoV 

I am currently at a nightclub I have just finished dancing with someone to smashed to know who so I text Koshi after telling him I think we need a break and not to look at this as a break up he said something about bringing emo back I just shrugged it off and order another round of shoots

After the 3rd round the text started playing on my mind a little voice saying your husbands going to do something stupid I text him again

K💕: Koshi please be ok I'd panic at the disco and I hope you'd rather watch a TV show than what I think your planning to do  Then I'll squeeze your booty real hard like I'm kneading dough basically what I'm trying to say is I know we had a fight but if you want make up sex just say the word 

Fellow pretty setter , I'm speeding for ya

We can get married tonight if you really wanna

Me in a cheap suit like a sleazy lawyer get marry under our real names elope just you and me leave tonight and be who ever we want to be And if you break this lil' heart, it'd be an honour.

Koshi’s PoV 

I read Keiji’s  text but he was to late I was fadingfast but the text was sweet I love you  Keiji.

Sonny PoV 

I heard a faint I love you Keiji coming from daddy and papa's bathroom it sounded like daddy so I ran and found daddy on the floor I pick up daddy's phone and in a state called papa "papa its daddy his on the floor come quickly he's not moving"

Chapter 5

Akaashi’s PoV 

Sonny just rang me from koshi’s  phone she was in a right state "papa come quickly it's daddy his not moving his on the floor"

"Oh shit what have I done" I drove home like a mad man I got home then door burst though "sonny sonny where is daddy" "bathroom" "I got to the bathroom to see sonny was right she never mention pills or blood "sonny baby go to your room and watch frozen for me"

"But papa" "go now don't come out till I tell you I will send Mrs Harris round to look after you while I take daddy to get checked out"

"No not Mrs Harris please princess while I get daddy better” 

“Okay papa I ran to mrs Harris and said can you look after sonny for me “ “sure what’s up” “my husband tried to commit I don’t want sonny knowing that she’s already seen enough the last thing I want is my daughter tramatized 

[wyattjohnston]

key take aways from the feedback i was given about the exchanges. i've responded to a few of the responses that were left :)

you can still leave feedback (even if you didn't participate, i'd be interested in why!)

i got a lot of love, too, which is nice. i don't do this to be praised or anything else but i also do love to know when people are having fun with it

What changes (if any) would you like to see?

Maybe like one or two people who are not writing in the fic exchange could act as "beta" and be there to bounce off ideas, help find gifs, give feed back on things that people are writing. Someone that we can talk to without fear of them telling the person we are writing for what the idea is/ worrying they are the person writing for "me". If that makes sense.

this is an excellent idea--i just don't know if it's feasible because most of the people who would act as a beta reader are usually signed up for the exchange

so! i absolutely cannot enforce a blanket ban on asking for help from another writer in the exchange and i wouldn't want to. the only thing you're 'ruining' at that point, is that you aren't writing for the person you've asked to beta. we had 43 people sign up this time around, that doesn't narrow it down too much.

if you do have a beta who is writing in the exchange, just be courteous and don't ask them anything about their fic, and do not put them in the awkward position of having to decline if you offer to beta theirs. also maybe don't put the name of the person you're writing for in the doc/doc title so you're not totally spoiling who the fic is for :)

i'm also around if you need help! it obviously would be impossible for me to help 40 people with brainstorming and editing, but i try to do what i can!

i could maybe add a new question like “would you be down to help someone else with fic ideas/being a beta?” and then if someone told me they needed some help, i could put some feelers out as to who would be best suited. i just don’t know if it would be a question a lot/enough people would agree to just because like i said up top, the people who would beta are usually already knee deep in their own fic

(not verbatim) a couple of suggestions to add a question about what the Main Character’s gender identity should be

will absolutely do this. i usually see people ask the question as an anon for reader insert preference so had taken for granted that that was happening <3

Maybe include a time zone in the deadline

i dont put a time zone with the deadline mostly because it makes it more confusing. if i were to do that i would make it Australian Eastern Time, like the sign ups, and i guarantee that fics will roll in towards midnight of the writers timezones anyway. all in all, the final date is purposely left without a time specific deadline because it gives people an extra day almost. i'll make it clearer that it's literally just midnight of whatever time zone the writer exists in

tbh even the sign up time isn't super hard and fast, as long as i haven't started matching yet then i'm not opposed to opening the form for a last minute entry

Do you have any other feedback?

If anything, maybe a mock-up of "starter questions" to send your match in case people are new and/or don't know quite what to say. That might be helpful.

i'll come up with some questions before the next one and put it in the matches have gone out post. if you've got suggestions, let me know. there’s no fool proof system to it. some people ask lots of questions, some ask very few. some people give super in depth answers and others prefer to let their writer run free

I like having the two-ish months to be able to write instead of a very fast and stressful turn around time

good news! two months is here to stay. giving the halfway and then 1 week follow ups seems to be the key to making sure people don't forget that they've signed up

What were the factors in you not signing up?

timing, re holidays & commitments

absolutely understand, it's not a great time of year with holidays and exams for a lot of people

nervous to sign up

please don't be! i know it's not as easy as that, but if it's something anyone wants to talk about (ever! now, in march, when sign ups open for the summer one), i want to talk to you!

if i see a new person has signed up and i haven't read their fics before, i don't go scrutinising their masterlist and i am never ever going to tell anyone that they're not good enough, or haven't written enough fics, or whatever, to sign up.

i want people to have fun with these and try something new (whether that's signing up in the first place or being adventurous with what they write)

I wasn't sure if I could commit to getting the story completed.

100% understand, writing to a deadline isn't for everyone! if you want to. if it's something you want to have a chat about, hit me up :)

What do you like most about the exchange?

i loved hearing that people enjoyed stepping out of their comfort zones and trying something new! and i also love hearing that people found new writers, my goal is to help make the community a little more *together*

[pandoa]

A little bit of a rant, but:

I regret ever opening my requests. I love my readers, but I have to constantly write things that I don't have motivation for for a lot of characters. The largest amount of characters that I have written for in one post is 14, I think?

And you've seen my request list, and you've seen the list of fandoms that I write for. I set the bar too low, and I feel bad constantly. I rarely take breaks, and I currently have 528 requests in my inbox. Some of them are from August of 2022, and I feel like a piece of shit for that.

This is a few pieces of advice from a 'veteran writer', as you have called me: don't go down this road. Enforce your rules strictly, and don't allow anyone to bend them. Have a character limit that is manageable. Your mental health will suffer otherwise, and you will destroy your self-esteem. Haven't seen Motivation since the beginning of my fanfic writing.

Not gonna lie, this got really deep lol. Just looking out for you, after you posting about how writing for the Housewardens was a lot of writing.

thank you for looking out for me, blue! i honestly feel for all the things you mentioned here—i've watched a lot of accounts and blogs burn out from a lot of the issues you mentioned—and it really is hard to keep going once the pressure's gotten to you

for me, writing is a way to take a break from all of the responsibilities i have irl, which is why i really like the freedom i have with this blog lol. i get to write what i want, when i want, and how i want to do it. it's like this one thing i can do without anyone truly forcing me to keep working at it, and i'd like to keep it that way—also a small reason why my own requests have been closed since august but anyway-

the whole writing for the housewardens thing was really just me trying to test my limits with my stamina as it was my idea and not a request (and i think we call can see where they lie now lolol), so i think it kinda helped with establishing my boundaries for this blog and that includes some possible changes to my request rules 💀

since we're already a bit deep here, blue, i just wanted to say that even though you do have an abundant amount of requests, you do not have to do them at all if you're really not up for it. no matter what if you have 1 or 500+ requests, you do not have to do them. they're requests for a reason! you have the freedom to delete or fulfill them in your own hands. they're requests, not responsibilities <3 you also have the freedom to finish them whenever you'd like! tumblr is not run on deadlines; you have the right to relax and to do whatever you want on your own time. it's easier said than done, but i really do think you still have control over your requests. breaks, no matter how long, do wonders as well. just keep doing whatever makes you, yourself, happy. because that's what makes most things worthwhile and i'm sure many of your own readers would agree to this, too

again, thank you sm for looking out for me! it really helped bring me back to the reason why i ever started writing here in the first place. i'm relatively comfortable where i'm at blog-wise, and i'll remember all of the advice you've given me today once i go back to accepting requests (whenever that'll be lmao).

[goongiveusnothing]

I mean I was mainly talking about his queerbaiting and how he treats women, sorry if I wasn't clear on that lol. He definitely has an inflated sense of self when it comes to his talent and star power. You were right on with that one but when it comes to him as a person, I wouldn't say hes insecure about it per se but he knows that it would be bad for business if it was confirmed that he was a womanizing fuckboi. So I do think he feels pressured to uphold an image that isn't real, you know? I hope that makes sense lol.

I agree that he's pretty honest in his music, although I feel like it's mainly him dipping his toes to see how much of himself he can reveal but still get away with. I also think his music is a bit skewed to make him appear remorseful, which I seriously doubt he gives a damn.

And IF he's ever felt a smidge of remorse for how he's treated the women in his life, it gets washed away by all the praise his fans give him. It's why he always has a smarmy grin whenever he's pretending to be chivalrous or giving relationship advice. He can be a jerk behind closed doors and still be called a precious gentleman and he doesn't even have to try that hard.

His song boyfriends is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Theres so much cognitive dissonance in his fandom it's insane. He's literally singing about himself in that song but his fans think he's either alluding to his supposed queerness and therefore the one getting played or he's a distant observer calling out other men for being trash 🙄

i honestly don't even think boyfriends is about himself, i don't think he has that degree of humility or self awareness. i do believe that song is meant to be about gemma's boyfriends or something like that. it's him seeing himself as a saviour of women judging other men for not being at his standards (lmao). he's such a fuckboy he actually thinks he's a good boyfriend and that other men aren't, also he wants his fans to see him like that.

i agree about the queerbaiting. but i think he feels that the way he dresses, the flag waving, the ambiguity, the movie role has actually helped queer people so he thinks he's actually doing a good job. in that variety or was it deadline piece his people put out after all the fuss where they said he did MP for his fans and their LGBT stuff, i was like, yeah, harry thought he was actually doing them a favor. he sees himself as an LGBT hero.

but yes, he does know it'd be bad for business if we all saw him as a fuckboy. remember that video of him in a car covered in like a jacket, next to xander and another white guy, and then in the car in front or behind were a bunch of giggling white women who looked like generic influencer types, their dates for the evening all matched up? and how that video got deleted? he works hard so we don't see what a dried up basic fuckboy life he leads.

i definitely think he lives in fear of being outed as a heterosexual dude. i do think he gets the sweats about it a bit, hence why he stopped doing all his MP promo after he managed to offend the entire gay community with all his weird backwards homophobic comments. and the way he deliberately said "i've never publicly been with a woman" in that RS interview, out of nowhere. because he thinks it's so teehee cute to keep playing up the ambiguity, likely because his friends have been telling him he's a queerboss by never admitting to being with a man or a woman in any interview yet (he has though, is the weird thing).

[kpopfanfictrash]

hey shanna! i was going through your on writing tag to make sure no one asked you this (there was an ask about it but you were agreeing with what anon said anyways), because i've been curious about it for the longest time. have you ever had an extremely long period of writer's block? and what have you done to get out of it? also is there anything you do as a writer to make sure you don't end up in that position? i absolutely adore your writing, thank you for sharing it with us❤️

I don't know if I can say I've had writer's block in the way I see it often described by other writers on this app. There have absolutely been days, weeks or even months when writing is hard and I have to force myself to put words down on paper. There are times when I can crank out a 30K story in a month and other times when a 10K chapter takes me more than two. There have also been times where I'll write a whole story (or chapter) and be overwhelmed by the certainty that the story is terrible.

My productivity on this blog has definitely slowed since the start, but I think that's for the best. Yes, I can write a 30K fic in a month but if that means I spend every waking hour writing or editing... do I want to do that? If I do that, when will I have time to live and gain the experiences I write about?

The times when writing is difficult but I need to write (due to a deadline, personal desire, etc.), I'm afraid I don't have a magic answer for you. I know people want to hear I turn my desk to the west, drink an entire pot of tea and this clears the block but... no. The best way to get over writer's block (caveat: writer's block, not burnout) is to write. As Madeline L'Engle said, "Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it." Another quote from Louis L'Amour: "Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on."

I'm a big fan of shitty first drafts as a way to jump-start productivity. It leads to a painful editing process, sure, but that's better than spending months staring at a blank page (in my opinion). Some things I do when I'm trying to focus:

Switch up my location. Don't write in my bedroom or even apartment; I'll move to a coffee shop or somewhere close by.

Get dressed. Simply changing your clothing can be a signal to your brain that it's time to get focus.

This depends on the person, but I like to have a writing playlist on in the background. Careful with this one though, lol because you may find yourself spending more time making the playlist than actually writing.

Write nonsense sentences until the story starts to flow. Or purposefully skip a paragraph and continue to the next. You can fix it in editing or (possibly) find it didn't need to be there in the first place.

I think writing will always have ebbs and flows; there will be times when the water flows easily and times when there are blocks. Ultimately, I try not to stress too much about how much I'm writing and instead focus on progress as progress.

Hope you're doing well and staying safe + healthy!

[coffee-at-annies]

Thanks for your insights, truly appreciate it!! Me too i've only been watching more of the highlights and some full games, but i read a lot of hockey stuff to understand the game even more. the general mood may be down in pensland now and it could be easy to feel that way when it seems that almost every other team besides 2 or 3 is squeaking out wins early in the year while we're doing every no no in a hockey game possible. when you look at the standings it looks like 24 teams have winning records now in the first 10 games vs the pens' 4-5-2 record but honestly half of them will likely not keep up with their current pace. It was infuriating to see read those beat writers from teams with winning records (cough Isles cough) laughing at our struggles and write us off early in the season. it's easy to mock us now but what if at some point in the season the situations are reversed inevitably? I always say to myself, hockey can be a cruel mistress. you can be on top of the league 10 games in then go on to have a historic losing season. the pens can have a bottom 10 record after 10 games but with a few tweaks and a little more puck luck, we will also enjoy the same success the other teams are having to start the season.

besides it's difficult to determine which teams are for real and which teams are just riding lady luck to begin the season. there'll be injuries and cold streaks and poor goaltending and puck luck that will hit every team throughout the season. it's just unfortunate that the pens can't catch a break and are facing a lot of adversity early on. but if we spent the whole time wishing we were as good as this team based off a very small sample size, that's dangerous thinking. plus will we really be better off if we faced little adversity throughout the season? don't think so. i do agree with the general opinion that the league standings are more taken seriously by the 41-game mark.

that's my thoughts for now. i don't think sid and geno will let this slide any further. and in all honesty, i think this is one of the stretches that will make us look back and be glad it happened sooner rather than when it is too late for a turnaround. let all those writers get smug about their early success now - marathon not a sprint. it will be interesting to see how their team responds the second adversity hits them and when their unsustainable winning ways catch up to them. what will they say if their team gets hit by a lengthy losing streak later in the year? the season is early to make sound assumptions about every team and things can change in a snap

People forget (and rightly so it was a long time ago at this point) that we slumped hard all the way into December before turning things around and winning the cup in 2016. Heck last year we looked terrible after the trade deadline and then looked amazing the first couple games of the playoffs. It’s a long season you never know when someone will make a change and the team will get their shit together.

As for reporters being smug, I’m very much a don’t like don’t read fellow in addition to being an unrepentant homer. I only want to read nice things about my team doing good and bad things about my enemies doing badly. We’re in a slump so I simply do not see my athletic subscription because it will only make me upset and sad about things I can’t control. Also I’ve lost a lot of trust for Yohe and Rossi after Geno’s free agency fiasco. They are not going to give me the content I want so I simply have forgotten how to read.

I never read other teams articles/beat reporters unless it’s a player puff piece because they are never going to say nice things about us. It’s literally their job to be critical and smug. Nobody likes to admit that Sidney Crosby is still really good at hockey, that’s why it’s the coldest hot take in the league, but everyone wants to write is he washed up reaction pieces because they cause outrage and get clicks. If they ever say a nice word it will be begrudgingly and at most a backhand compliment. They are also unrepentant homers claiming they don’t have biases because they’re reporters. It’s annoying but that’s the facts.

The only league-wide content I consume is Steve Dangle’s highlights stuff because I appreciate him being an unrepentant leafs fan who also likes good hockey. He’s soft on some teams and harder on others when it comes to what makes the highlights but at least he’s up front with it all. I’ve taken a hiatus from watching that too cause I don’t like when we show up getting scored on or making mistakes. It feels bad and so I simply do not.

This may sound like I’m sticking my head in the sand but all of this stuff is optional and it’s just going to make me upset if I consume it. One of the hardest parts I’ve found is learning to disconnect and not take losses personally. I want the hyperfixation to produce the good chemicals and none of the bad stuff and surely the more I consume the more good chemicals I will get? Except that’s not really the case during slumps it becomes a downward spiral chasing the light at the end of the tunnel and the easiest way to not do that is limit my intake and find joy in other things. I skipped last nights game for those reasons and had a lovely time watching taskmaster with my partner. Hockey is a marathon. It’s important to take breaks and pace yourself. There’s a lot of content. Picking and choosing what to consume (up to and including skipping games) is important.

[evelynndecipio-blog]

Dearest, Decipio

Since I know this is already gonna happen, sorry about Evers (that's the owl). He's a massive pain in the ass to pretty much everyone on the face of earth except my mom. If he tries to pecks your hands just give him a mouse or something. If I could I'd send you letters with a different owl but my mom thinks Evers is just the best. He's not. Your owl is super cool though! I don't know much about owls to be honest. My mom pretended that Evers was just a normal owl in the wild that liked to hang around our house before I learned about the wizarding world and even when I started to go to Hogwarts I wasn't really that into birds either. I know my friend Dea has a owl who's very cool but honestly I just really like cats. Big cat person over here. The school ones are good enough for sending the ocashunal emergency letter home to my mom or my dad but Evers usually does all the heavy lifting for me. Maybe that's why he hates me so much.

AND HELL YEAH! Hufflepuff totally crushed the pulp out of those Russian wizards. I mean my tent sucked ass wasn't really the best but the game itself was really cool. Everyone was super fast on their brooms, and all the Hufflepuff players did really well. Serena was so fast, and she and Kovacs got the snitch! What a team! But I agree... maybe I should get a video camera or something. Do you think the wizarding world has video cameras? Then we could tape games and include clips in the Headliner, right? Well, I hope your friend does a good job describing the game. I don't remember a lot of it, to be honest, I was kind of staring at Alexx in aw the whole time so I don't remember a lot of details. I think I want to join the Quidditch team when we go back this fall though. Maybe I can put my insanely awesome muscles to use.

And I barely even saw Cecily! What's up with the Ravenclaw Quidditch team? Are they like a bird cult or something? I barely even saw a hair of her blond head during the entire camp which was a major bummer. We should hunt them down during the school year, along with other Ravenclaws. I know there's one that I kind of want to talk to anyways, so like 2 stones with one bird, right? Maybe we can set up like a interrogation room in the Headliner office... or what do they do on those police shows? Like a tip line?

Speaking of the Headliner, I think I'm going to quit writing for the it. I... I actually haven't even talked to Alexx about this yet, but I don't think I want to write anymore. I mean don't get me wrong I love the Headliner a lot and the people on the team too. But I don't even like writing, man. Especially not articles. It's like homework, except other people besides you're professors read it! I joined the Headliner because... uh... well I didn't join it because I loved writing. But I've been watching the printing team do their thing since the day I joined and I think I could do that you know? I don't know. I could put up with the deadlines and the writing in the beginning but now I'm not so sure. I heard 4th year is supposed to be really hard with a lot of homework, and the printing side of stuff seems less stressful. And frankly, a lot less work.

And part of me is wondering if my writing was even any good you know? My mom read the first couple of paragraphs of this letter over my shoulder cuz she's a freak and she said my writing was really hard to read! And that it didn't flow, or whatever that means. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a writer. I dunno.

Anyways I hope you're excited for your... what, second year? Honestly the homework was a pain in the ass but I guess if you're as nerdy as everyone else on the Headliner you'll enjoy learning about the stuff. I liked Transfiguration especially, Cy really knows how to get your blood pumping during her lessons. Love her.

I hope you're having a good summer!

XO's Ami

ps my mom's a nerd a made you and your family some cookies. There vegan though so IDK if you want to eat them... take a bite and tell me what you think I guess.

(( In a different hand: ))

July 31, 2020

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Hi, I just read your Sun Still Shines fic, and I want to THANK YOU. I feel SO SO LUCKY that I stumbled upon this fic.

The past few days have been really difficult for me, and the sh’tty situation has been going on for quite a while, often times I’m just walking back home and think I can just d1e now. I am away from my family, I haven’t been able to see them for almost 5 years, I struggled with ED and recently my body image is particularly bothering me, and school work is when sh’t hits the fan… sorry, TMI.

So you know… as the pathetic freak that I am, I tried to find comforting fics to read to dodge reality (even though I’ve got so many deadlines ahead) and upon reading your fic, especially the line “can you just love me”, I immediately tear up. I feel like, I haven’t been abled to be loved for so long and there’s no way for anybody to do that….but your fic somehow manages to ease the pain to some extent, every words feels so tender and soft, and I feel like being engulfed in a safe hug, and not to mention it really radiates Josh energy… like it seems like such a healthy relationship, they love and heal each other…it’s like the nicest ten minutes I’ve ever had for the past few days, thank you.

Sorry this is long and negative and obnoxious, but I just want to tell you that your writing have healing energy and you should be proud of it

I am speechless.

I don't even know where to start.

I got this ask a few weeks ago, opened it, read it, and started crying (which is big for me because I don't cry often). I couldn't even answer it because it was so hard to find the right words and I wanted to think about exactly the right thing to say because this person deserves it.

First, I'm sorry to hear life has been rough for you lately. I agree, when life gets busy, deep feelings of sadness can make everything feel overwhelming and like there's no solution or no end in sight. You're not a pathetic freak though (especially considering EYE am the one writing fantasies about Josh Kiszka lol). Everyone goes through this whether they post about it or speak it out loud or not, myself included. You're not the only one and you're not alone, even though it can definitely seem like it at times.

Second, I hope that as time has gone on since you originally sent this in, that life has eased up a little and been brighter for you. If it hasn't yet, it is bound to soon and I'm here if you need anything or anyone! (I'll answer quicker next time I promise lol).

Third, thank you so much for the compliments on the fic. I think your ask was the best one I've ever gotten and no one will be able to top it. Sometimes I feel like the thought and work I put into my fics is pointless because they aren't well known or "hits" in the fandom. Smut is always going to do well but since a large part of my stuff isn't smut, I feel underappreciated and overlooked constantly. But just reading your ask made me feel so good about myself and my work. Your ask made me think that it is worth it to keep writing despite the number of notes or despite if people talk about the fic or not. It is really amazing to know that something I created can have such a positive impact on someone and help them. I think a lot of us in this fandom feel comfort from Josh whether we know him or not and I'm just glad I could bring that comfort out in form of a fic. It's nice to know that I could bring that comfort to someone and it's really all because of Josh and how he is.

So again, thank you thank you thank you. I would love to hear how things have been going in your life since you originally sent this in if you want to share. Sending you lots of love. MWAH!

-E ♥