#like he was seconds away from going insane at the end of episode 6

[cyberkiller125]

Still not over just how abrupt this turn was.

[actual-changeling]

when gabriel/jim (jabriel?? gim?????) talks about his "one particular person", aziraphale's smile is such a blink and you will miss it moment but so incredibly precious and we don't pay enough attention to it.

so, welcome to another round of alex's unhinged meta corner where i over-analyse micro expressions while losing some more braincells.

firstly, here's a clip of that scene just so we are all on the same page since i don't know how much time everyone else spends watching that show. don't ask me it's probably at least 6 hours a day at this point

what i want to focus on is aziraphale's reaction to jabriel's words right after "person". did i slow the clip down and then go through it frame by frame to get the following screencaps? yes. yes i did.

there are two parts to this, the spaced-out smile and then his shock/fear. also before we start can i just say how fucking insane whoever made the trailer was for putting the 1941 dinner scene RIGHT THERE??? with THAT expression??????? yeah. no. i need therapy for that alone.

anyway.

while he is talking, aziraphale is looking at jabriel the entire time, but honestly, i don't think he is actually seeing him, he's neck-deep in his memories of crowley. he as that sparkle in his eyes he tends to get around crowley/looking at crowley and that smile appears rather slowly (or as slow as something can be while lasting less than a second).

personally, i'd call that expression "completely and utterly in love" or besotted if you wanna keep it simple. a content little smile meant for no one except himself, the kinda look he probably wears in private while calling crowley to ask him to come hang out. aziraphale loves him and in this short moment, he knows it - and so do we.

when jabriel (preferable over gim, in my opinion) trails off, aziraphale remembers that hey, wait a minute. that's my boss. that's the archangel fucking gabriel. he can't know about me and crowley.

at this point, neither we nor he know what exactly is up with jabriel, so there is a very real danger that everything aziraphale says or shows will be reported back to heaven. the shock sets in, the smile disappear and aziraphale falls from cloud 9 (pun intended) and lands face first back on earth.

while aziraphale does not have crowley's memory of what exactly went down in heaven when they tried to burn him to a crisp, he has always been incredibly anxious around gabriel and the other archangel. he is fidgeting, unable to stand still or even keep his gaze from flicking around. the only moment he calms is, you guessed it, when he is zoned out and thinking of crowley.

the very real fear that settles on his face is not just about himself, it is mostly about crowley. if heaven knows, hell will, too. everyone knows about the back channels, most just try and keep up plausible deniability. the fact that it is michael who seems to be directly in contact with hell for the most part and not gabriel is worthy of its own post at some point.

another thing worth mentioning is that aziraphale is so afraid, in fact, that he physically backs away from jabriel and gets as much distance between them as possible. jabriel looks like a lost toddler, very non-threatening, but the trauma runs so deep that it does not matter how much of a danger he really is right now. he has been a constant threat for over six thousand years, you cannot deconstruct your view of a person, especially your boss, that quickly. not even if they turn up with total amnesia on your doorstep. naked.

this was less unhinged than some of my other posts but i think this is a moment that gets overlooked a lot. at least i haven't seen anyone talking about it yet since we are all understandably focused on the ending of episode 6.

[stormyoceans]

random thoughts and recollections about the jimmysea and pondphuwin fanmeet in rome!!!!!!!!

WARNING. this is just a ridiculous amount of obnoxious ramblings by yours truly with basically no pictures whatsoever because 1) im terrible at taking them, 2) my phone is old and has terrible quality, 3) even when @petrichoraline so kindly offered me her spare phone to take some decent photos and videos i almost yeeted it across the room in the midst of things, so. yeah, just be aware these are a lot of boring words ;;;;;;;;

ANYWAY. let's get into it!!!!!!!

JIMMYSEA PHOTO SESSION

putting the jimmysea photo session LITERALLY FIRST THING FIRST sure was a choice and not a good one for my heart which clearly shows in my picture with them because i look like a deer caught in headlights (im not subjecting y'all to my face but trust me on this i was SHAKING)

with the way the queue and the room were set up i feel like it was so much easier to look at and make eye contact with sea rather than jimmy, so at the end i whipped around to thank jimmy too and i think i automatically tried to wai to both of them, which i hope wasn't inappropriate ;;;;;;;;;; in my defense everything that was going on in my head in that moment was FUCK FUCK FUCK THEY'RE ACTUALLY REAL AND SO HANDSOME FUCK

also i had no pose in mind and i ended up panicking ;;;;;;;;

(more ramblings under the cut)

PONDPHUWIN Q&A PANEL

i bought the cheapest pass for them at the last second so i was sitting very far in the back during their panel and yet i could still see pond's jawline from all the way over there like i swear that shit is so sharp it could cut glass

i keep forgetting just how young phuwin actually is because he both looks and sounds so mature and confident and suave it's honestly insane

although one of the games was like. one of them had to be blindfolded and try to guess which pose the other was making just by touching them, and at the very beginning when pond put the blindfold on phuwin kept running away from him which was both so funny and cute

also the host kept putting up numbers with his hand and asking 'how many are these' to a blindfolded pond and one of those times pond answered by going 🤟 and i was like POND GOD DAMMIT

btw phuwin invited everyone to the GMM building so jot that down. if anyone gets there and securities asks you something y'all can blame him now (jk)

phuwin's favorite scene in we are is the art room scene with a sleeping phum in episode 11, while pond's is the pool scene always in episode 11. THE TASTE THE VISION THE FLAVOR TRULY MEN AFTER MY OWN HEART

JIMMYSEA Q&A PANEL

i was sitting in the second row for the jimmysea panel so i could catch so many small moments i absolutely loved such as:

they had to press a buzzer for questions and they always did that together, with jimmy's hand being on top of sea's like 5 times out of 6

jimmy poured some water for both himself and sea and he made sure that sea drank some

there was a game with balloons where the two sides of the audience were supposed to get the balloons to the back and then bring them back to the boys, and we failed spectacularly on jimmy's side (HE FELT SO BETRAYED IM SO SORRY BBY), so when the balloon got to sea very quickly he pushed it back towards the audience to buy jimmy's some time

both p'tha and p'aof were actually sitting next to the audience on my side of the room watching jimmysea panel and in my head i was like EXCUSE ME SIRS CAN WE TALK [slides monopoly money towards p'tha for a new jimmysea series] [has WORDS with p'aof]

so the way questions worked was like. they had to press a buzzer and after that a spinning wheel with different colors would come up on screen and on whichever color it stopped on they had to pick a piece of paper of that same color with a random question written on it. during one of the spins, the wheel landed on yellow and jimmy picked one of the papers, but i think because of the lighting it actually looked green from the audience's pov, so everyone was screaming 'that's green'. however jimmy insisted that it was yellow, and that what we were saying was yellow was actually orange (the host was agreeing with jimmy but sea was agreeing with us so im still a bit confused on the matter sfjksgfj). then the host said 'we're still gonna do this one' (as in the yellow/green one that jimmy had already picked) but jimmy went 'two questions' and picked one of the yellow/orange ones too, so the host just turned towards the organizers like well since he's the one who said so. JIMMY JITARAPHOL TRULY A MAN OF THE PEOPLE (but also please stop giving nomnoms reasons to have beef with the color orange sfjkshfksg)

actual thing that happened:

host: describe each other in 3 words

jimmy: very cute creature. he's my cat

sea: my good boy

me: WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN WITNESSING RN

jimmy said he would like to play a detective in a future series and i almost vibrated out of my seat like YES PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES THAT'S A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART HE KNOWS WHAT'S UP P'THA ARE YOU HEARING THAT PLEASE MAKE IT HAPPEN I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS I COULD GIVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sea said he wants to play a dentist but he actually meant dermatologist, he just messed up the word, and jimmy said that if we want him to be a dentist as well we should give him six more years sfjksjksf

at one point sea said 'mamma mia' and i burst out laughing so hard that's when i almost flung @petrichoraline's phone across the room (and that's when i also decided it was just better for everyone involved if i didn't try to take pictures or record stuff ;;;;;;;;;)

they also had to act out some words and when the host said 'sleep' sea was like 'i thought he (jimmy) would point at me' SON WHY ARE YOU CALLING YOUR OWN ASS OUT ✋😭 (and of course jimmy took the chance to point out that sea did in fact sleep right before the panel)

when the host said the word 'love' sea pointed at jimmy and jimmy pointed at the audience and then they were both quick at mimicking each other (so jimmy also pointed at sea, and sea also pointed at the audience)

SEA IS SUCH A GOOD SINGER AND JIMMY GOT SO MUCH BETTER TOO I WILL GENUINELY ACCEPT NO SLANDER TOWARDS THEM WHEN IT COMES TO SINGING AFTER THIS FANMEET

it was established that the most important words in italian are 1) mamma (mom), 2) pasta, 3) pizza, 4) ti amo (i love you). hard to disagree with that tbh

i think after this fanmeet i've really got to give it to jimmy and admit he actually might be an extrovert because he was just soooooooo ridiculously charming and witty and quick on his feet when it came to find funny answers and deal with some sound issue during his song like i really do think he shines when he's around people

i think you can tell sea is definitely more reserved compared to jimmy but what he doesn't have in expansiveness he makes it up with being so incredibly endearing like he really is just SO. DAMN. CUTE. (even if he tried to give me a heart attack by having his arms out for the fanmeet PUT THOSE GUNS AWAY SIR)

AUTOGRAPH SESSION

had a chance to get a closer look to pond and phuwin when they all walked inside the room and im trying to say this in a way that doesn't make me sound like an insane creep but like. the sheer amount of FACE pond has. i've seen him with my own two eyes and i still can't believe that's a real human being just going around his life. WITH THAT FACE. kinda understand now why greeks decided that the human form was the most important subject for artistic endeavour because jesus. that man really is sculpted by the gods

all that being said, i think the one whose pictures don't give him justice is sea. he is just so ridiculously handsome in real life and has the most beautiful smile i've ever seen i kinda. lost it a little about it ;;;;;;;

i think it's one of the reasons i suddenly got even more nervous and ended up messing up so badly ;;;;; i had this entire speech in my head about vice versa but i was so worried about holding up the line and the fact that everyone had even small gifts for them while i was empty handed and they were just. SO MUCH. so i just said 'hiiloveyouthankyou' to both of them and rushed away ;;;;;;;;; and i regret it so much because i think sea was trying to say something but after that he just went 'oh. love you too. bye' IM SO SFJKSHFKSGFJGSJDFJDK STUPID

FINAL CONSIDERATIONS

pondphuwin and jimmysea give off such different vibes and energies imho, at least during panels, like idk how to explain it but they truly feel like the cool kids and their silly goose uncles (and im saying this in the most loving way)

so. i guess this is the moment where i get a bit emotional about jimmysea. like i know im very biased but at the same time im also very aware that what we get to see of them is always somewhat performative, and yet. if before there was a part of me that was like 'this is gonna be a reality check and a reminder that i don't do parasocial relationships', that got pretty much crushed after this fanmeet. jimmysea genuinely look like the loveliest darlingest sweetest softest most precious boys who always make sure to thank everyone for getting where they are now. like my heart is so full of love for them i honestly don't know what else to say rn

if i have to find one negative thing (aside my blundering of the autograph session so badly) is the vice versa erasure. like both jimmy and sea had a solo song and that would have been the perfect opportunity for 'have i found' or 'by my side' but of course that didn't happen. one of the questions was 'what was your favorite scene to film' and they just assumed it was about last twilight. this is not me blaming them btw, because even when the fanmade video for them was played it only had last twilight scenes and moments so like. it's obvious they would think everyone just cares about last twilight. which is why i regret the autograph session so much and im sad im not the type of person who can just shout 'what about a vice versa scene!!!!!!' from the audience 🥲

this is also why i ended up buying the italian version of the vice versa novel btw BECAUSE IM NOTHING IF NOT A WEAK ASS PETTY HOE

my biggest warmest thank you goes to @petrichoraline who was just so endlessly patient and supportive and sweet and nice through it all, idk what would i have done without her. i also don't really have the words to properly express myself but like. I LOVE HER SOSOSOSOOSOSOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

a big thank you and sorry also goes to @puppy-phum who is just sooooo lovely. i feel bad because i wasn't there for her as much as i wished to but im grateful we went through the photo and autograph sessions together. I LOVE HER SOOOOOOOOO MUCH TOO!!!!!!!!!!!

[weebsinstash]

I really didn't wanna be dragged back into Hazbin but good lord Alastor has me hyperfixating so hard and now I find your blog with all these delicious nasty thoughts. <3 <3

God I know ❤️ every new episode gives me more ideas, or expands on old ones I've had!

Like oh my god Alastor beefing with THE DEVIL HIMSELF just because of his PRIDE, this man is Insane insane! That "fuck you" came from deep inside Alastor's fucking BONES! And Mimzy! Now I'm remembering the idea I had of "what if Reader liked big band singing and 1920s music and was moonlighting as a lounge singer" and now I'm thinking of Reader becoming Alastor's spiritual successor to Mimzy because maybe he misses that crazy using bitch a little bit

I can't decide which idea I like more now: fake dating Vox to piss off Alastor, or fake dating Alastor to piss off Vox. Because that's fucking canon now, Alastor called Charlie HIS DAUGHTER just to piss off, again, THE ANGEL OF THE BOTTOMLESS PIT, so ABSOLUTELY would Alastor fake-date Reader to piss Vox off, he'd be going MILES with this bit, he'd be on the radio calling Reader his beloved and his darling and chuckling to himself as Vox immediately hops on the air: "breaking news, the radio demon is A HOMEWRECKING WHORE--"

And Lucifer!! Wacky little goofy dad having a depressive episode. We'll have to come back to him someday

I just wonder what the last two episodes for this season are going to be about? Obviously, Charlie and Vaggie have to make amends but we already know they're going to because, they're so sweet with each other, Charlie may be hurt but she'll understand, so... are we going to see a face off with Valentino AND Adam separately? Episode 6 ended on saying that the extermination is A MONTH away so I'm assuming the climax of the show will involve the incoming extermination, and the show's a huge hit with a second season already confirmed, and we still haven't seen more of Rosie and Cannibal Colony, so... who knows what happens from here! I'm just excited the show's getting a lot of attention, and the writing and the music so far have been great ^^

[microraptorreactor]

No shade at Devsis (for this, specifically) but seriously there are a lot of characters in this game who are a) female, b) have a relationship with another woman that is VERY easy to interpret as queer, and c) are deeply traumatized. Don't get me wrong I love 5/6 of these character's episodes (I only dislike Ice Queen's because Icicle Yetti's voice got really grating on me very quickly) but is everything good at Devsis?

(explanations for my non-cookie run moots under the cut. Cookie Run lore is wild, y'all.)

from top to bottom, left to right.

Frost Queen is a god of frost who froze to death in the arms of her 'best friend' in a past life. She goes on to use blizzards to balance out life and death. (I think. I watched a breakdown and some cutscenes. in order to get this information you have to play an hour with the most annoying cookie available)(I do not like Icicle Yeti)

Moonlight Cookie was created to observe the dreams of mortals/watch over the city of wizards. She has a close relationship with the god of the ocean but can't leave the city to kiss her girl. Eventually, all the wizards leave the city and Moonlight is left to watch over it on her own.

Black Pearl Cookie was a gem mermaid who had a close relationship with a 'maid', Frilled Jellyfish Cookie (second from the right on the bottom row). She is bisexual however, and falls for the worst possible man after running away from home because she didn't get magic powers during the sea magic ceremony thing. The dude steals her kingdom's magic pearl (or maybe he gives it to her? I don't remember the specifics) which starts a war and kinda just fucks everything up. Black Pearl goes to Sea Fairy for help, but Sea Fairy starts a space program instead of helping so Black Pearl turns emo. Also, Frilled Jellyfish dies due to the war. (I said Cookie Run lore was wild)

Sea Fairy Cookie is really down bad for Moonlight Cookie and (unintentionally) makes it everyone's problem. She ignores the sea cookies while they are actively fucking dying and sorta just sits around for the entire plot. She is one of my favorite characters. Like go off girl make your lesbian pining an actual threat to everyone's safety.

Frilled Jellyfish Cookie has been mentioned already but she's just the sweetest little thing. She just wants to see BP happy, man. She does everything in her power to try to console BP and it just gets her killed in the end. Her dying words are her telling BP to leave her and get to safety, and that she will be fine. BP should have just kissed the jellyfish girl why'd she have to fuck around with Oyster :(

Golden Cheese Cookie. She's my favorite character. So for the sapphic part, she's weirdly flirty with Black Rasine Cookie (another desert-themed cookie with bird motifs) and I'm team 'the ancient heroes were poly' so if you ask me she was smooching White Lily and Hollyberry at some point in the past. For the tragic part, here's one of the wildest backstories this game has! Basically, GCC founded and ruled the Golden Cheese Kingdom, which I'm gonna call Cheeseypt because that's what it is. Cheeseypt is a relatively secluded kingdom, mostly interacting with the wider world through trading. At one point, Golden Cheese leaves her kingdom to fight in the Dark Flour War alongside the other Ancient Heros. What happens while she's out? Dark ENchantress (who happens to be GC's ex-close-friend) FUCKING NUKES ALL OF CHEESEYPT. Not even a 'oh they had to flee and they are still rebuilding :(' no ALL OF GOLDEN CHEESE'S FRIENDS ARE DEAD. Consumed by grief, because you know, everyone she loves is dead, GC buries them all under the kingdom and connects their souls to a digital city before entombing herself with them. She tunes the digital city so that everyone's wishes are granted, and all her citizens live lives of comfort and wealth because, for as much as she values her gold, her real treasure is her friends.

I would stop it here but the way the game ends GC's ark is also just fucking insane? so one of her close friends betrays her (for good reason tbh) and destabilizes the entire city. Faced with leaving everyone she loves behind, GC breaks down because there's nothing for her in the real world. Black Raisen cookie comforts her but explains that this eternal dream is going to end someday anyway. So what does GC do? She explains to her citizens that it'll feel like falling asleep, and shuts down digital Cheeseypt. The characters we met in Cheeseypt don't come back, by the way. There's no loophole. They are just possibly dead for real. (or definitely dead in Burnt and Cheesenburg's cases.)

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP5. Tea Party and ???

The tea party starts by discussing what most magical beings are, starting with the Seven Sisters being cheap souvenirs.... they point out the Chiester Sisters are rifles but not that they are Maria's toys, which is kind of interesting. Dlanor tries to stop Bernkastel from defiling their executions and gets shut down because of Bernkastel's authority,

Bernkastel finally mentions Erika as her daughter after lovebombing her for a while and Erika is happy for like, the first time since her introduction... I always feel really bad for Erika in spite of it all.... narration points out she literally starts shaking at being allowed to call herself a witch.

Lambdadelta walks to Battler's corpse and talks about how disappointed she is. Dlanor just did this as well. Battler has disappointed everyone. Lambdadelta and Bernkastel flirt for a bit and Erika reveals the totally real title of Episode 6: Checkmate of the Golden Witch (ignore than in this version you can see all the titles from the main screen)

I will do the ??? as well since the Tea Party was really short. Beato NOW comes to tell Battler he is a liar and disappointed her, like everyone else by this point... the different voice she uses for I am sorry breaks my heart.

We flashback ad get an extended scene of Dlanor Virgilia Batller discussing the mystery genre more broadly, Battler doesn't like Knox commandments because saying shit isn't even worth investigating is arrogant and limits the genre (and also obviously doesn't like how Erika uses them to shut down theories before they are even looked into) but Dlanor talks about how they are there in order to have the trust in the writer in that the mystery is solvable. The discussion about how humans need assurance that what they are solving is solvable resonates with me..... often I assume I shouldn't even try to fix problems or solutions because I assume I am too dumb to solve them anyway,

So, the red is Beatrice giving Battler the tools he needs to solve her heart, and after enough failings and forcing him to try without much success....

im going to kill you Battler

As we move forward, Battler begins to realize how everyone has been throwing and throwing hints at him and he has been throwing them away, Battler starts making his final theory, his last attempt. With Knox's 1 he realizes everyone after EP1 must not be the culprit. Uses Knox second to realize that all the magic scenes had a deeper meaning in them.

Battler realizes EP3 was easy mode for babies, lol.

Battler's first words at realizing the truth: "Idiot..." Battler realized it was too late for Beato. Battler wasn't able to reach Sayo's heart when it mattered the most.

The game is allowed to continue because of Lambdadelta acknowledges Battler as the new Golden Witch, Lmand might not hand answers but she will help the people truly put in effort and create certainty. Erika feels humiliated by the fact Battler has a higher rank than her now... Battler's role as a Witch is pretty interesting too... he isn't interested in creating a truth so much as in creating enough truths to cast doubt into Erika's theory.... in other words, furthering the Illusion of the Witch. He could deny the Natsuhi theory but that would expose the game and destroy the witch illusion.

The usage of "Demon's script" is pretty interesting haha, still see yourself as the heroine of this story, Bern?

Battler starts putting down the foundations for Battler culprit theory.... Battler putting an insane theory first thing after reaching the truth must have gotten some people really confused. Battler immediately destroys everything Erika has been building up to in a single red.

Battler points out they eren't dead when he yelled, which is true, and then Ronove points out they only need to be dead by the end of the game for the red truths to be valid. Ronove, Gaap, Virgilia and even Dlanor for good measure group up to dunk on Erika.

The Golden Truth.

Jesus Christ.

Erika accepts her role as Detective before Witch.

[maddiebuckettebuckley]

come talk to me about your wildest dream plot lines for season eight these are all of mine :) this got a little out of hand but i have no regrets

eddie: obviously this is the most important to me. I have a series of demands. 1) get his gay ass out of the closet I’m so fucking serious. catholic guilt and leaning on Bobby can be a part of it. it will be torturous and like pulling teeth but he’ll be girl who is going to be okay afterwards!! 2) (strongly tied in with #1) him exploring what he likes/wants/who he is as a person outside of fatherhood (bc he’s been a dad since he was!! a teenager!!!!). give him some new friends (Maddie and Karen!!! preferably!!!!!!). give him some new hobbies that he actually enjoys and isn’t just using to escape from The Horrors. AND let him go to gay night at a line dancing club 3) he comes head to head with his parents about um everything. actually sets boundaries about their relationship with Christopher (I.e. you cannot just show up at my house to take my son away even when I’m having a mental health crisis. maybe actually support me next time or just fuck off) 4) drop him in the middle of the woods and have him presumed dead due to a plane crash when he does go to pick up Chris (maybe midseason? but I really don’t want chris gone for that long)* 5) feelings realization re buck in the second half of the season. I think he actually realizes at the same time he realizes he’s gay but it is simply too scary so he’s like okay I have to deal with one thing at a time. but then he simply cannot ignore it anymore. probably due to buck is being insane after his own feelings realization. 6) spurred on by his self-discovery arc in star first half of the season, he starts working towards his paramedic license yayyyy

buck: princessa….. okay I don’t have much for buck. I want him to mostly be background to other people’s arcs. bc I actually think that’s where he thrives EXCEPT: 1) I want him to start really struggling with the fact that he doesn’t have kids yet, and like even looking into ways to have kids on his own (esp. since he knows he’s bi now) like surrogacy and adoption and stuff. and 2) actually think this could be an interesting point of conflict (and breakup??) between him and Tommy (where Tommy is just not that interested in having kids) because it would be an actual discussion and require buck to actually examine what he wants out of a relationship 3) presumed deaddie leading to feelings realization. this makes him insane, obviously, and he makes it everyone’s problem. yay :)

hen: 1) she kills Gerrard with her bare hands. the boys can help if they want but she should land the killing blow. and by this I of course mean get him fired and make sure he never works for the LAFD again. bc it’s crazy he still has a job. or maybe she actually does kill him that would be so fine too 2) she and karen (I actually think Karen might lead this bc hen will be busy killing Gerrard) tear down the entire DCFS system to get their daughter back. I genuinely think she has to be home by the end of the first three episodes. or I will go crazy. 3) the gerrard and bobby situation leads to captaincy succession drama between hen and chim, where they actually sort-of fight about who should be captain and they both make very good points. the resolution to this is 4) hen’s nightmare with councilwoman ortiz gets her interested in local politics, and she runs for city council (or something), and decides that’s what she wants to focus on right now rather than trying to become captain

chimney: 1) fostering mara gets Maddie and chimney talking about the possibility of having more kids. chimney really wants to, and specifically wants to adopt kids, because he was given a home when he had none as a child and really wants to offer that to someone else, and he doesn’t want jee to grow up without a sibling. this leads to some more exploration into his childhood and confrontation of his past grief. they ultimately decide it’s not what’s best for their family, but do decide to keep their house open for emergency temporary foster placement 2) captaincy succession drama with hen, as aforementioned. he struggles with his whole inferiority complex when it comes to leadership positions, and ultimately realizes how much he’s grown in that regard and that he actually could be a fantastic captain. because he loves hen he’s willing to give it up for her, but then she encourages him to go for it so he starts down that path 3) can we revisit the fact that this man has come within kissing distance of death more times than anyone else on this team???? like, what has that done to his psyche???? how has it changed him as a person???? it’s years too late but I want it so bad.

maddie: 1) aforementioned family planning discussions with chimney. because of her traumatic experience after jee’s birth, she really cannot see herself ever having other kids of their own, because she just knows it would bring her back to that place emotionally, and she feels that their family is complete with jee. this causes a lot of tension between her and chimney for a while, as they come to understand each other’s points of view. but she does love what they’re able to do for mara, and wants to continue with emergency foster care 2) I just really need her to bond with eddie. they have so much in common and I feel like could really be a support system for each other, especially as they’re both grappling with parenthood struggles 3) she starts considering taking on a leadership position in dispatch alongside chimney starting down a captaincy path and maybe there is even like maddie-josh drama or maddie-linda drama that parallels the chimney-hen drama

ravi: because he WILL be a main. trust 1) struggling with fitting in with A-shift after coming from B-shift, because they’re so tight-knit and he’s been in and out, but ultimately realizing he’s part of the family already. and they throw him a surprise party obviously 2) baby’s first life threatening injury!!!! and everyone is freaking out bc that’s their little guy and they JUST officially adopted him. and of course this is his begins episode, so we get to see some of his childhood growing up in hospitals and stuff and how he got into firefighting. I would love for it to be like. his family is actually super supportive but he struggles to fit in and be a part of a team due to he was sick all the time as a kid. this would work together nicely with him feeling like he doesn’t fit in with A-shift! I also think it would be funny if he was in the hospital and the 118 assumed his family wouldn’t show up and then they ALL do like parents siblings everyone. and they’re like oh. that’s… never happened before?? 3) it would be very funny if hen and chim were trying to get everyone to pick sides in their captaincy drama and they were fighting over ravi and he was so sick over it. like I can’t choose i love them both. why is this happening. do I need to talk to HR?? and everyone is like no this is just how things are around here bro. but he kind of has to stand up for himself a bit and be like dudes. I’m not doing this.

bobby: 1) the Gerrard stuff is going to have Bobby actually considering retirement and not just in a suicidal way. and ultimately I think he’ll decide that he wants to back away from the day-to-day stuff and do more oversight stuff, so he starts the process of stepping up the ranks to ultimately become fire chief, in part so that no one like Gerrard can stick around in the LAFD. this is a big factor in hen and chim thinking about captaincy. 2) I would be really interested to see his reaction to buck thinking/talking about having kids, since he sees buck as a surrogate child, and if it makes him feel a certain way about like fatherhood and mortality and legacy and stuff. buck obviously is like ‘well and would the kid call you grandpa or pops or what. because pops would be so funny considering.’ and bobby just starts crying. 3) I want Bobby’s special blood thing to come back lmao like maybe the blood people are like hey so that other guy in Australia died um do you have any siblings?? and he has to reconnect with his brother because of it. and deal with some of his unresolved stuff about his father’s death. this can happen for reasons other than his special blood I suppose but I would love for it to be special blood related 4) he has to go back to Minnesota for some reason (maybe related to reconnecting to his brother) and it like literally almost kills him but it’s ultimately really good for him

athena: all love to ms bassett but I’ll be honest as a certified cop hater the only athena arc I’m interested in is her quitting her job. I would love for her to get in trouble due to her abuse of power wrt Amir, and realizing how many other times she’s abused her position of power. I would also love for May and/or harry to be involved in helping her realize this. and then maybe she gets into like an alternatives to policing model or community organizing or something. this will of course never ever happen. but I actually feel like thematically it would align well with the rest of the characters’ arcs (self-discovery, transition periods, stepping into new roles, etc.)

other stuff:

-*to elaborate on presumed deaddie, no one kill me but maybe it’s on the way BACK from Texas and Chris is also in the plane crash? and in part due to eddie being concussed, he has to kind of step up and use what hes learned through osmosis about first aid and emergency stuff to help people and keep them calm. he’s literally a baby and he shouldn’t HAVE to do this but I think it would be so beautiful to see him like confidently helping out in a horrible situation because everyone he knows is first responders lol. so he knows what to do and how to keep a clear head about it. my brave brave boy!! of course if eddie and chris were BOTH presumed dead buck would kill himself For Real so there has to be hope that they’re alive. maybe eddie wanders into the woods (due to he’s concussed and disoriented) away from the crash site so they find Chris first and then spend the whole next episode looking for Eddie. and they literally have to sedate buck and/or put him on a physical leash so that he doesn’t run off into the woods to die with Eddie. of course. and the will comes up as a part of all of this obviously which is associated with the feelings realization AND the kid stuff.

- I would love to have another female firefighter on the team, especially if Ravi joins as a main. I think like a really tiny angry 20 year old female probie who picks fights with Buck specifically would be a really iconic addition. and I think Hen would LOVE to mentor a younger female firefighter. and she and eddie and ravi would all be best friends. she would take a while to warm up to buck and she would think chimney was kind of weird but in a fun cool-uncle kind of way.

- controversial but if Taylor came back in some way I think that would be so funny. maybe they want to turn her book into a movie or something so they come to interview the firehouse about it. and they would all hate it so bad, except chimney who would be thriving

- more emergencies in general. hopefully with an 18 episode season they can actually do this

- stuck-in-the firehouse bottle episode where there are zero (0) calls all day but they are being discouraged from driving around for some reason so they literally have to stay inside all day. and the AC isn’t working. this overlaps with hen and chim’s captaincy drama AND buddie mutual pining era and they all make it everyone’s problem

- ending the season with a buddie cliffhanger (maybe a first kiss? confession?) but also ending with a cliffhanger of someone else in serious danger, like maybe hen and karen getting into a car accident or something????, and then they couldn’t do a time jump and would have to resolve both things simultaneously and the tension and chaos would be wild and I just think that would be a slay setup for the start of s9!!

[prncewilhelm]

I saw on your twitter that you finished gåsmamman and i need to know your thoughts about the finale! i was so....that was it?? like i needed at least one more episode after it lol, i get that it's supposed to be kind of an ambiguous ending but i didn't feel satisfied u know

hi!!!

while i enjoyed the finale a lot, i definitely do not feel entirely satisfied with it as a complete ending for 6 seasons – like we didn't even get the chance to breathe with the final shot before the gåsmamman logo came up! given what happens to sonja and lukas, i get that it's supposed to be abrupt but i would've loved a little bit more afterwards to process it all. i would've loved to see the other characters process it, even just time spent longer on the reactions of their faces... it was like, boom (lol) this whole huge moment happens and then it goes to linus for 0.2 seconds and then THE END and i'm there triple checking the google drive like, is that it? just a little bit more would've been great – something to allow the audience to sit with it for a beat before being jerked away.

major spoilers under cut for the last few eps of gåsmamman so be warned! just want to talk about an aspect in greater detail.

i guess the one thing about the finale that continues to stump me is the decision to have zac trade linus in – i just find it hard to believe that he would've done that to nina, given how much she loves and cares for her younger brother and how he's looked after him for years, i don't feel like she would've ever forgiven him had she found that out? like, how did he think he would get away with that? i know that he was desperate and trying to protect their son and nina and the whole point of the show is people doing desperate insane things to protect their family – it just felt like a little bit of a character assassination, because zac surely had to have known that linus was always going to be in physical danger with that deal – he'd spent long enough in that world to know that "you promised not to hurt him" was empty. i guess you can argue that he was just blindsided by his need to protect his family, but it just makes me a little frustrated.

i know that sonja killing him was a way for them to show that she had ultimately turned into anders (eg: him killing his own daughter's husband, fredrik and therefore irredeemable), but i do wish the truth of the situation had come to light in that last moment w sonja and the kids when linus exposes it to nina, because i feel like sonja's reasoning is a lot more justified than anders' was – like, i would kill someone too if they'd handed linus willingly over to someone to get tortured. i don't think sonja would've ever been able to come back from killing zac – especially not in her family's eyes – but i also think zac never would've been able to come back from it either had he stayed alive.

all in all i loved the show. it was dramatic and heightened and ridiculous at times, but i found myself really caring about the characters – the performances were all pretty impressive too. and ultimately, i liked the outcome for sonja (and god i am so glad linus' beard and shitty back tattoo from her fantasy of the future was not real cause hell) i just wish the aftermath had been extended ever so –just so we got to properly say goodbye to the characters we've sat with for 6 seasons like, emil's reaction, barry's reaction etc etc. there's only 2 works on ao3 under gåsmamman so i can't even find someone else to satisfy it for me 💔💔

anyways sorry this is super ramble-y but, you asked for it! here to chat about the rest of it whenever!! hope you have a wonderful day.

💜

[malevolententity]

PROJECT 14!! I TOOK A BREAK FROM PATTERNING RICHAS!!

oh boy!! this took all of quarentena part 1 to make!! its been a few years since i made anything mesh so whipping up this hat in? what 5 and a half hours? maybe 6? i have not checked the vod time and i was also Cooking Dinner during a portion of it so time is hard to judge on how long this actually took. but it was fun! it Did reawaken my urge to crochet a mesh shirt even tho i would never wear it because it would be so uncomfortable. but making mesh is just so very mindless in a way thats good for me. maybe i should make a mesh blanket to scratch that itch.

we have an array of models for this item! to try and show off the mesh say hello to the bobby i made back in? oh the beginning of april i believe? i dont think any of you have actually seen bobby he might have been a twitter exclusive, say hi to bobby. we also have green garlic my bulbasaur showing off the mesh the best i believe!

QUARENTENA SEASON THOUGHTS! YES I AM CALLING IT A SEASON THERES GONNA BE 2 EPS. SEASON 1 ONLY HAD 3 EPS. THIS TOO CAN BE A SEASON!

i am blown away by how fun this group is and the skills they all have to roleplay in a second or third language for like 6 hours with basically no breaks to speak their natural languages. that is taxing to do and to deliver a story on top of that? i am so proud and impressed with all of them. also holy shit????????? no one fucking died???? i was convinced when the oneshot, now season, was announced that it was going to be a dungeon crawl that ends in everyone dying. i cant believe theyre all still alive after that?? AND THEN THERES ANOTHER EPISODE IRL NEXT WEEK?? i cant wait for the tpk next week!

i love this entire cast of characters theyre all such weird fucking guys in the most complimentary ways. I LOVE THAT WE BASICALLY GOT A SAW MOVIE??? THRIVING!! in a move that shall surprise no one. diego is my favorite. look at him. he is guy of all time to me. BUT OKAY THEYRE ALL WEIRD and usually when you have a cast of weirdos theres always someone who doesnt gel but they all did!! they all fought each other!!! but they all still complimented each others insanity and. this is what the party comp is To Me

i am too lazy to open photoshot for this tonight. maybe you get it proper tomorrow<3

i loved the ending. i loved the slow realization on everyones faces that in saving themselves they might be killing the world and still themselves!!!! also i cant wait to see the fall out next week. i am so fucking upset my dnd game is scheduled for around the same time so i am going to miss probably the first 2ish hours but i know my dash and the official!!!! twitter updates account!!! will catch me up on those two hours so i can jump back in. but AAAA oh i loved this. i dont know if it was on purpose that this felt like a zero escape game at times but oh man the production quality in this vs where m at in season 2 is just mind blowing. i knew it got better once they started being in the studio but this was so great for a home game. ALSO YALL GO CHECK ON AMY??? GO GET THE KID??? YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE TRAUMATIZED BABY ALONE AFTER EVERYTHING U DID TO KEEP HER ALIVE??? GO GET HER?????

AND ALSO?? STUDIO NEXT WEEK?? BRAZIL MEETUP??? OH I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE IT ALL AND WHAT HAPPENS. this is def my longest update for this silly crochet project i started just a few months ago and i apologize but also. i dont because this show does mean so much more to me than i know how to put into words. and its been a long time since i fell in love with a tabletop universe this quickly. and i feel so grateful that i got to be introduced to this ttrpg earlier this year, and got to pull some friends into watching quarentena tonight because theyve heard me gushing about how good this universe is and how i trust this to be satisfying horror which is so hard to do in ttrpgs, but thats another post for another day.

[lostparadox]

It’s been over a week so I think I can post this.

The finale of the Flash was so much badder than I should have been. I get that certain actors and certain events about and within the crew was going on, but here’s my take on how the flash season 9 should have been.

Ep 1-5 (part 1); Rogue war: Mostly the same, but with more iconic characters who played the villains and the rogues who actually appeared. I get they had limited time, but after crisis, Cisco said that most of the villains in the entire Arrowverse came back, so have more iconic villain characters return, and some who we know are still alive (for example Heatwave, tho I read somewhere that he didn’t want to return as the character) or some characters who escaped the prison that the speed force attacked in season 7. Another thing that I’ll put here since I don’t know where else to put it, I actually liked the story with Khione, so I’d keep that in.

Ep 1-5 (part 2); Red Death: There are a multitude of different ways this character and arc could have gone. Option 1: More expensive and lots of legal work, but get the actual Bruce Wayne and try to follow a similar path on the comics (alternate universe where Bruce merged with Barry to become better) or something completely new (Have an older Bruce try to build a suit to harness the speed force like Godspeed and go insane doing so [I heard somewhere that Arrowverse Batman killed joker so that could lean into this idea more]. Option 2: Still expensive: Get the original Batwoman actor Ruby Rose and have her follow the comic origin or the new origin they made up. Option 3: Have the Red death we got be from the Reverse-Flashpoint timeline, since it made more sense, since when talking to Iris, Ryan Wilder said something about a red speedster, so move on with that information. There are a lot of different ways this could have gone, but Eric Wallace is why we got what we got, and we got a crybaby bitch version of the dreaded red death, who didn’t kill anyone, despite the show saying so in the future the original Nora was from. I did like how the real Ryan Wilder appeared to help Barry take down red death. The ending where Joe moves away was sad, though I guess it made sense for both the actor and the character, though I did like seeing Cecile and Joes daughter, since it would have made more Spence if she appeared dung the Armageddon crossover when Joe died, though it wasn’t the worst case scenario . The reveal that Iris is pregnant with Nora was a slight surprise I didn’t see coming.

Ep 6-8: Mainly filler episodes, which could have been much better than the ones we got. First off, and this will be a tangent later, why and what was the purpose to making Cecile a superhero; Virtue, who is an entirely different character than Cecile. Seriously, it felt more like the Cecile and friends show than The Flash. Episode 6 was basically filler, but they could’ve shown us more of Central City outside Barry’s perspective, to help us understand why the city is the way it is. Episode 7 was basically some lore, but mainly lore for Supergirl’s show, they could have told us more about what has been happening in National City since the shows ending and how the characters have been since then as well. It was too bad that Melissa couldn’t come back to the Flash as Supergirl as predicted. Episode 8 was mostly filler as well, since all it did was be an episode in one setting; Star labs. The Chester and Allegra relationship parts were mid at best. Episode 9, was amazing. It honestly should have been a two-parter, replacing episode 8 and having 9 has the second part. The story was amazing, Barry’s birth, the guilt he feels as the Flash, John Diggle’s return and his small story, Wally’s story and the knowledge of the new multiverse Oliver as the Spectre created, Oliver’s return and his story, Ramsey returning and his new plan and his eventual defeat, and Oliver saying that the future we saw that he and Felicity reunited hasn’t happened yet was amazing. His final words to Barry and how Barry finally got closure to his best friends death was so sweet. Thank you Steven Amell.

Ep 8-13 (part 1): Episode 10 though, that was something we have been expecting for 9 years. With the start of the Cobalt Blue storyline and the ending of the series, we were expecting big things. Episode 10 was one of those. The whole, Iris getting a Pulitzer Prize was nice since Nora mentioned that she gets 2 in the future, so that was nice, and so was Khione writing letters to Mark, Caitlin and Frost. Then we get into the good stuff, Barry getting sent back to the past, March 18, 2000, the day his mother is murdered by the Reverse Flash, and his father is sent to jail. Seeing Matt Lentscher return as the real Eobard Thawne was nice, though I wish that after Flashpoint, Matt appeared more and in Tom Cavanagh, no offense to either. The whole, blue crystal thing was a bit confusing for me but it seemed to make some sense. We also got to see the last time Barry got to interact with his parents, which was heartwarmingly sad. But then, we get to that fight on that night. With Barry trying to save Thawne, and eventually leading to the fight we’ve been waiting for for over 9 years. Seeing Barry tell his young self, ‘no Barry, no running this time’ was so good! Barry last words with Eobard were amazing due to it being the only time Barry knew what Eobard was doing before he knew himself, before Barry being teleported somewhen else making Eobard think he won due to Barry seemingly dying in front of him. Then we get a reveal of Malcolm Gilmore , a nearly identical copy of Eddie Thawne in 2049, before being struck by lightning and seeing a folder of Eddie. The only problems that I have with this episode is that we never see what happens to the original Barry Allen, the Flash who got struck by lightning in 2020 and who disappeared in Crisis four years later in 2024. We never got to know him or see his life and original timeline, minus a few words and hints we got from Thawne over the course of the series. Another thing is that we never got to see how Barry ‘ruined’ Thawne’s life in the future. We got a few hints during seasons 2,3,8 and here in season 9, as well as some during his time on Legends of Tomorrow, but we never saw how Barry did it, whether it be the original Barry Allen, or our Barry Allen.

Ep 8-13 (part 2) episode 11: This episode wasn’t that good compared to the two episodes that came before, but it also was not as nearly as bad as it could’ve been. First, the story of ‘ Malcolm Gilmore’ trying to find out who Eddie Thawne was was so good. The return of Korber was slightly surprising, due to her new position in the future as the captain of CCPD (rip). The speed force Nora and team flash trying to find Barry and fight Mark(Chillblaine) under the influence of the crystal was nice. Seeing how powerful Khione was in instantly killing and reviving Mark was so surprising! Iris then goes into labor. And the reveal of Malcolm being Eddie who was brought back by the negative forces and sent to the future by the singularity was a surprising callback that I’m sure all of us forgot. And the bullet still being in Eddie’s heart before pulling it out was so surprising.

Ep 8-13 (part 3) Episode 12: After accidentally killing Captain Korber (rip), Eddie goes to star labs where the 2049 team flash have just defeated the teased and long awaited villain, the Chronarch. After Eddie sees all the times Eobard came back despite his sacrifice, Nora comes to help him, only to be possessed by the blue crystal. After Barry is taken the future and fights the possessed Nora, he talks to Eddie who blames everything on Barry, his death, him being forgotten, and Barry and Iris’s family. After going to visit future Iris, who rejects him , Eddie then makes us his mind, becomes Cobalt Blue, and revived some of the Flash’s greatest enemies. My only problem I have with this episode and the finale is that more characters should have appeared, a big example, Bart West-Allen. I don’t know why Jordan William Fisher couldn’t appear, I’ll search for why later but I do wish he appeared.

For episodes 13, I’ll make another post due to this one being WAY to long.

[eviltiddyproductions]

Crash Course in Romance : Episode 6

Other teacher is it THAT serious. like you’re really on a blog posting shit about our man??? for what 😭

oh my god now I get why that teacher is mad and angry everytime he breathes this is INSANE. 😭😭😭

i mean could it be the missing brother? he’s the only one who would want to shoot Chiyeol although why?! he literally understood what Chiyeol meant for his sister.

Sua got some nerve trying to snoop on Hae’s material after getting her kicked out

Now she’ll take this from her too I’m so tired. I’m actually so tired of her.

the boys are fighting 💀

oh the mom and sua always stressing me out with their shenanigans I’m so tired 😭😭😭

SunJae covering for her again as I knew he would. Sua is so!!??? she’s going to rat him out and make his life a living hell nooooo

oh now I know, the jealous teacher who keeps trying to drag Chiyeol down is from Bokjoo 💀😭 he’s the main lead’s bff

one thing about Chiyeol, he’s going to quietly walk and hear everything

oh he’s just shooting anybody with metal balls like what did the cat do !?!!!

LMAOOO I thought they’d end up inviting him. he’s actually already there. this is destiny 😭

aww they have such nice sinks to clean everything

my sister knew had to text but she’s texting the group chat 🤣

my man gets 0 seconds of peace he was about to text back and now his family is at it again

poor bean :(

‘is it your hobby to cross boundaries’ 😭

‘anyway’ 🥰💗

these two need to stay away from water sources omg 💀

he’s giving dad just sitting and fishing as his family camps

she’s already dozing and look how happy he is 😭✋

my The Pride babies having a pitch battle was not on my card lmao

oh is Sunjae about to confess his feelings. why did I think she was in a hospital for that scene lmao this restaurant lighting is depressing 😭

not only did he not ask for an explanation, he said tell me when you’re ready and took her for Karaoke

my sunjae incoming when?

sunjae let her breathe but sua will not 😍

wait does the elder brother just feed cats idk? maybe he’s just like me. depressed, walking around, feeding animals

the younger brother walking past and coming back to introduce haeee to his older brother. real sibling behaviour. for a second I was like I get it if you walk by idk but I was so happy when he turned around in 3 seconds 😭

Oh she told him she’s being tutored. lol

everyone’s gonna know at this rate the way they just keep telling people 💀

she’s still listening to that song 😭😭😭

I feel like he’s super charming but super single because of the work lmaooo Mr Ji supremacy

you can date too bestie. y’all would just rather do maths 😭

sua, sincerely from the bottom of my heart fuck off. it is really not that deep. you’ll be fighting for your life in the exam with every student, not just haeee so why are you still after her??? like you even got her kicked out of class this is not #normal 😭😭 WHAT MORE

oh lord they’re gonna find the tutor thing too. #ilost

nooo are they going to follow him

BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE

do I favour Chiyeol’s career or SunJae’s sanity. like who loses this time. don’t let it be both omg 😟

oh no I think it’s both. sunjae is going down at least NOOOOO

[sexwithamanda]

Vegan Coffee House.

Episode #6. 

I wasn’t going to stop. I have a specific place I go to, and I drove past this place I am at, but the light switched, I was able to turn around and drive into this quaint little place in this strip mall. I make myself comfortable as if I come here everyday. Not one person says hi to me. Not one person actually acknowledges me and it isn’t in my nature to correct anyone. But if this was the first time I was here then it would be different. But, here I am making a review on a second time I’ve been here. I see people behind the desk, I know the owner is sitting next to me. It’s okay. If I can stay right this second and continue to type away, then obviously my presence of importance. Now, that we get that over with, here I am to talk about exactly how I am feeling. This pit in my stomach for the week to come ahead is insane. I am not prepared but I am prepared, this is insane. I am going to Greece next week. I have never had the pleasure of going to a new country, a place I’ve never been. 

My mind is terrified that I might end up kidnapped but I know that is less likely to happen to me. I mean if that were to happen, wasn’t it meant to? I feel like that nothing that isn’t supposed to happen doesn’t happen. It just does it’s own thing.

I am a firm believer in the universe sending us signs of what we feel, where we are, who we are, are all derived of everything we are, and of all the people we’ve met. I spent some time with my friends yesterday and one of them explained to me of their relationship with the person they were in love with.

They told me that there is a love formula called the “Biorhythm Compatibility,” I tried it, I mean do I believe in it? Do I think about fate? Do I think about soulmates? All I know is that, if a person is your person, it’s because you chose them and they chose you. 

Love is hard to define because it’s not all you need to make a relationship work. In my honest opinion, I don’t think you even need to be compatible with each other fully. I think that if you learn from each other, if you continue to care about what your partner is learning, what their interests are, I feel like you will have a solid foundation of getting on the level that they are on.

My current lover, he is one of a kind to me. I think he’s special. Not the type of special that you think is a lot or too much, but the type of special that makes me laugh till my stomach hurts. Someone who continuously lets me learn from him when i don’t know something. He’s the type to explain it to me kindly and in joke form. 

I asked recently why he always asks me “what’s up.” When I turn to him, and he’s like “I know that you are thinking, but you look like you have something to say, which usually you do.” I mean that is a small detail, but it makes my heart beat a little fast. It makes me smile.

I know that people are quick to think that, “hey that seems normal.” Well here I am to tell you, that I feel valid. My feelings, thoughts, what I think matter to him in a way that makes me smile. I don’t think I’ve had that as much as I do with him. He tells me exactly what he’s doing, he doesn’t have a lock on his phone, as much as I hate to say it, he just allows me to be with him without bother, lets me talk but listens and gets distracted. I love that because he cares about what I’m saying. 

He CARES. 

I want that with every relationship I have but recently. 

I have felt required to act in a way that isn’t fully me. This entire week has had me in a slump. I spent this week by myself mostly. I don’t even want to go out tonight really. I want to lay at home, type my feelings, speak my feelings but also just want to disappear. It is insane to think that we as people are consistently scrolling through our phones mindlessly looking at things that don’t particularly matter but we like them anyway. 

Usually when I know my birthday is coming up, I feel this sense of emptiness. i don’t feel like partying, don’t feel like being surrounded by anyone. I want one person to talk to, but other than that I don’t really have enough energy to put forth into conversations. I need them to talk, I want to know about them, I am exhausted from my own conversations in my brain. I just want everything to be quiet. 

The other day I was at a coffee shop and I kept hearing them clang something, and it bothered my brain so much, I had to leave. I couldn’t handle listening to it. I couldn’t focus on anything. 

All I want to do is be distracted. All I want is to not feel this deep sadness. 

I hope that it goes away soon, and it will after my birthday passes, but because it’s so close, I just want to get it over with. This is a quarter of a life crisis, but my brain seems to think it’s my mid-life. I could die pretty young. 

I hope not.

But anyways.

Mahal Kita

Amanda  <3

[scoups4lyfe]

Journal Entries (4)

Below are entries from my journal, both my real life and online one.

Note: I do (again) --to my felllow writers out there --think that if anyone ever writes a bipolar character, then these entries would be a good look into the kind of mindset someone with bipolar might have <33.

I don't have much else to say :D. so--

[Journal Entries]

“February 23rd 2022 — Wednesday 6:51 PM

Everyday…it seems that no matter how hard I try or dream or wish….I’m not able to accomplish anything. The days stress me out.

Bubbling anxiety fills my gut like locusts.

Gnawing….gnawing….gnawing….gnawing away. I pray (continuously) for the ability to be productive. My lack smothers me and I become just a shadow of the dreamer I was before. What is the color of all this overwhelming emotion? My sights are empty, I’m the only one whose stuck in this abandoned place.

“My time in the bottle 2022” indeed. I am overwhelmed.

My ocean — all these emotions crashing like waves inside me — threatens to drown me. God is my life vest and he holds my head above water. Everyday he says: “Just breathe, all in due time” and I want to believe this so badly, 100% wholeheartedly, yet each day that I fail to move I cling desperately on the very edge of despair. ‘God do you not hear me?’

“I do.” He answers.

“Then what shall I do?”

“Wait.” — I hope the Holy Spirit can renew me, for my hopes suffocate.”

[End of entry]

…

[Friday, April 16th, 2022 — 12:24 AM]

“I feel like a lake slowly withering up. Is it so bad to crave love and attention? Recognition? Is having too much ambition a sin? These dreams are big, and so, so, very heavy. It feels like my back is breaking under its weight. Do you cry at my failures? Are they expected? More often than not I feel built to fail. I wish my psychiatric appointment was sooner. I really want to be able to function like a normal person. What an idea, to be able to do exactly what you set out to do, as you’ve dreamed it. Sometimes I think these dreams are poisoning me. Making me disillusioned, insane. Especially because the difference between dream and reality is enough to drown in.

I don’t want to drown.

Help me. Help me. All I can do is cry out for your help. Please don’t let me drown.”

[End of entry]

NOTE: The rest of the entries I'll be uploaded are from my online journal. I moved journaling to online entries because I didn't have the energy / motivation to write by hand.

…

[Ssat. May 14th 2022]

Monochrome Diamonds.

Today’s title is directly related to the TXT’s “Good boy Gone Bad” MV that I just finished watching like 0.1 seconds ago.

ANYWAYS. Excited cause a new episode of KinnPorsche drops today. I need to live blog for Revice~. I just did a lot of self-care AND cleaned the house so I feel pretty great. Very solid. [End Quote]

… [Sunday, May 15th 2022]

The Sht-storm of Editing

(6:15 PM)

I went to bed at 5:50 AM last night and woke up today at just before 3PM. (12:32 AM — So I guess May 16th, tech) Hmmm. I can’t say that I’ve been all that productive today ngl. Tumblr — that btch — said I ‘hit my media post limit’ because of the amount of sh*t I had in my drafts. Which meant I couldn’t even EDIT my damn drafts LOL!!! Now that it's midnight tho I can edit them but damn that was frustrating, yo. (LMAO)

I also have no idea what I’m doing right now. I….haven’t really accomplished anything today and yeah that’s frustrating, but mostly I’m tired. I’m wondering if this is from Ritalin? Because I *DO* notice a difference when I take Ritalin compared to Adderall. Not 100% sure what it is yet — but I’m gonna go ahead and say it's positive.

My sabbath (sat) was soooooo good. Makes me wish that the weekend was longer. And work isn’t even that hard or bad? Is this just a defeatist mindset?

….

[Monday, May 16th 2022]

The Morning Discussion. A Thousand Dreams. And Small Step

Today feels like a good day to get sht done. Ahhh I’m so ready to finally work towards my goals. I’m really looking forward to writing. And also improving my art skills <33. (6:18 PM) Just got on a call with [Friend]. I need to make sure I get stuff done today :oo. Got some Culver's chocolate ice cream.

…

[Tuesday, May 17th 2022]

The Loser’s guide to Sleep Deprivation

(2:49 PM)

I did not sleep at all last night….. I spent all night reading webtoons and now I feel like sht. Having to work through this both sucks and hurts lmao 😭.

[Insert George and Dream Axolotl video] …

[Thursday, May 19th 2022]

[Sister’s] 20th Birthday

(9:54 PM)

I really clowned myself on accident by not snacking in between 5pm-7pm because my sugar dropped and I got the worst brain fog fking EVER bro. I hate brain fog. Not being able to formulate sentences. Losing your train of thought every 3 seconds. Ughhhh. And even rn I still feel out of it. Though now I’m thinking that’s from the caffeine in the tea rather than anything else :PPP.

(10:26 PM)

I am……out of it, unmotivated, frustrated, and soured like a grape. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want. I want, I want, I wan-

And yet none of it I do. THere’s always a reason. Always an excuse.

Always something that stops me from moving forward. Is it doubt? Reason? Rationality? It's especially frustrating rn :(((. Man, I can just see someone asking: “Bro there is so much time in a day. How do you even accomplish not a single thing in an entire day?” And dammit! Dammit! WHy! WHy!!!!!Why do essays take me 4 hours to write??? Why does 500 words take me 4 hours??? Why does drawing deplete the clock to zero??? WHY???

How. How. How. How. How. HOw. HOw. How. How. How. How. How. HOw. HOw. Is it the internet???? Should I fast from electronics???? Only write, draw, and learn sh*t offline???? Is THAT the answer?? (Bro I’m gonna go insane. Full on insanity plea. Ahhhghhhh I want to CRY yo.) I can never do anything and the clock tick tick tiCKS away. Like I’m marching to my death. To nothing for nothing to nothing for nothing.

…..

*sighs.* Sometimes I wonder why I exist.

There is something I want to do with EVERY SINGLE PART OF MY BEING — but then what? I’m not able to? I can’t? I’m just going to continue failing? God….I know, I kNOW, I can’t do sht on my own. I’ve well learned THAT lesson. You’ve told me to just show up. To check my priorities. To prioritize you and other ppl in order to get sht done.

And for what??? I’m here-

I’ve showed up!!! [God] — why have you forsaken me? Why does something pop in the way? Why am I unable? Why am I unable even as I desperately cry for help???? Why does my mind fail and break right when I need it most??? Is it my family? What-? Should I go into self-isolation? Block all the world out if it isn’t related to whatever “work” I need to get done???????????????????????

….

[Friday, May 20th, 2022]

My Complaints Just Shan’t End

Okay….so I got to keep my sugar up and make sure I'm getting good nutrition so I don’t die or something serious like that happens. But it's either my family or my body just making that such a hard thing to accomplish.

They barbequed at [Older Sister’s] and damn. I just….man I just CAN’T go over to [My Sister’s House] more than once a week. That’s too much stress. And I didn’t want to spend my whole night there lmao ://

Bro this sucks.

As I said….really just makes me feel hopeless. All I wanna do is shrivel up and cry even tho I’m not sad, just frustrated, anxious, and hopeless. (LOL!!!) Yesterday night ended well though — I practiced Thai, and I’ve been doing more Thai practice >:)))) — and since I stayed home I have been learning the Thai alphabet and practicing my Thai handwriting. Damn I’m still so frustrated though. This is such sht man. This is such sht

…

Sunday. May 22nd, 2022.

The Day That Wasn’t.

…

[Tuesday, May 24th, 2022]

Table of Contents

(7:17 PM)

At the bookstore/cafe [Name of Bookstore / Cafe], working on….idk fiction probably. I have done no writing yet LOL!!!! So here I gooooo.

10:00 PM)

:).

…

[Wednesday, May 25th, 2022]

Re. Vice. And the Sleep Deprived Day

(10:11 am)

I haven’t slept yet.

Revice. Revice. Revice. Revice. Revice. Revice. Revice.

✨✨Revice~✨✨

…..Gosssh I love Revice and I love liveblogging. I don’t know where I went wrong (along the way) but yaish. (Time always got to be my #1 enemy).

…I should probably get some sleep. I’ve really just been goofing around — watched Kang Daniel’s new music video, I want to re-watch TXT’s GBGB Performance. I have the Chinese drama ‘Be Reborn’ up because I want to watch it but I don't want to watch it so I’ve been trying to re-watch my favorite scenes from episode 5 (lol).

[Yesterday in recap]

…Wrote maybe 100 words? I was NOT flowing at all. That and the brain fog was for real. Which….is very frustrating?? Why is it that whenever I start to get serious about getting work done and being productive something creeps up and smacks me in the face, completely preventing me from getting anything, ANYTHING done.

????? WHY??? (아버지. ???)

왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜. 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜.왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜.왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜.왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜.왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 왜.

…

[Friday. May 27th, 2022]

Everything was going great….Until it wasn't.

(11:30 PM)

Okay, so. The entire first half of the day was great…but what the fck am I doing right now??? It's like sudden insanity hit me out of nowhere and now I just??? Like my stomach is lightning in a bottle.

And I’m tired. SO tired. But not sleepy.

This sucks. I hate this. Thanks tho God <333. I’ll try and idk??? Outlast this nonsense I guess? Naw, but I don’t even know how to describe this feeling??? I just feel…everything. It’s indecipherable and mixed together and it feels like my insides are on fire.

.................

NOTE: So this is the end of part 4. I talk about God a lot in these entries LOL. Whenever I'm going through something extremely difficult I pray (I mean, I do normally too but that's not the point). This is why I was fascinated with the religious themes in DPR Ian's MVS. When you're in an episode or transitioning into one it can feel like you've been abandoned, and so I perfectly understood what Ian was putting down (LOL).

Right. I'll be posting the next powerpoint part soon.

[Prev] [Next]

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3)

Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

[megamanrecut]

Since it’s…been awhile since I’ve posted anything, here’s a small snipit from the next chapter of Mega Man Recut Miniseries: Karma, the scene in Episode 6: The Incredible Shrinking Mega Man where Proto Man pretends to order Elec Man to destroy himself to test if Elec Man is capable of mutiny (also where the fic got its name).

Note: Admittedly, this scene was kinda dark? At least for Recut anyway, hahaha. I originally wrote it to address repeated comments asking if the real reason some Robot Masters were not reoccurring was because Wily sent them to Brain Bots’s ‘Robot Recycler’(™) when they failed (which is both super dark and a cool interpretation!). For Recut Wily? No, he’s basically a muppet and wouldn’t kill a Robot Master unless they were completely out of his control (like Ice Man, who fortunately got away >:D) and his actual reason for some Robot Masters only used in one plot then never again is, uh, he kinda forgets they exist. That’s also my personal head canon for why RS Wily’s schemes vary wildly in scope and scale, practicality, and yet sometimes repeat: one track mind, easily distracted (and Proto Man’s willingly along for the hilarious and exciting ride) /…end unexpected ramble 

Note 2: This wasn’t completely edited, the beginning is still copy/paste from the original episode :D  Snipit after cut:

Karma, Chapter 10:

“That man is insane.”

"Gee, really? The mad science hadn't tipped me off yet.”

Instead of reporting immediately to the hangar as Dr. Wily instructed, Proto Man had followed Elec Man out of the laboratory and was walking with him down the hallway that lead to the armory.

"Weren't you listening?" Elec Man asked incredulously. "He's making shrink rays powered by magic crystals. It's an insult to your intelligence and mine.”

"Maybe, but if it does work, wouldn't that be cool?"

"If Wily shrinks every major city, it'll destroy the economy, including the Underground which we normally trade with," Elec Man continued.

"Quit looking for holes in Wily's plans," Proto Man said dismissively. "Just go with the flow." 

The door to the armory at the end of the hallway was straight ahead of them. Proto Man looked over at Elec Man, and said in a casual yet low voice, "Hey Elec Man, do me a favor? Know our recycling room? Go to the scrap metal compactor, turn it on, and step inside.”

The words didn’t immediately register. Elec Man was so accustomed to abusing Wily in front of Proto Man that he had suspected nothing off about Proto Man accompanying him toward the armory instead of reporting to the hangar as Wily had asked. He glanced over at Proto Man’s face, which cheerful yet unreadable, the overhead lights shining dully off his visor, and lowered his own voice. "Is this another one of your jokes? I will be destroyed.”

Proto Man shrugged. ”Yeah, I think you will. That’s an order. Hop to it.”

Elec Man felt…stunned. Wily was inventing shrink rays and planning to auction off cities, and now, now, Proto Man had finally decided to act like a true second-in-command and dispose of the dangerous and defiant criminal within their ranks?! 

With no choice but to obey, Elec Man glared at Proto Man and was about to turn back down the hallway toward the recycling room—but before Elec Man had a chance to fully process a premature and unpleasant demise, Proto Man quickly stopped him.

"I'm just kidding, I'd never order you to hurt yourself, Wily'd have a fit. Just testing your loyalty, you're a good sport.”

Elec Man’s shock, indignation, and betrayal evaporated instantly. He couldn’t believe Proto Man had had him going there. It appeared Proto Man had picked up more about acting like a ruthless gangster than Elec Man had given him credit for. Though he felt annoyed for falling for the ruse, Elec Man surmised Proto Man’s motivation hadn’t been for a cruel laugh at his expense. "This has something to do with Ice Man's betrayal, doesn't it?"

"You know it. Of all the other Robot Masters Dr. Wily's reprogrammed, your personality and will have changed the least…and in your case, that could be a problem.”

"It gives me no pleasure following your orders. If I could disobey Wily, you'd both be dead.”

Proto Man laughed. ”See, that's what I'm talkin' about! Though no offense, if you were capable of killing me, you wouldn't be here.”

"So how do you justify keeping me here against my will?”

"Never said I did,” Proto Man said frankly, though he paused on the question for a moment. “…Do you believe in karma?”

"No."

"Well, while I can't go into the details of your past, let's just say maybe you had something like this coming.”

Being forced to work for an inept mad scientist as punishment for being a member of the Syndicate was a bizarre definition of karma. Elec Man cast an appraising look at Light’s prototype, who willing assisted Wily in unleashing chaos on an unsuspecting populace just for the fun of it, and asked, "And what does karma have in store for you?”

Proto Man smirked. "I don't believe in karma. Listen, I don't understand what you're unhappy about. I know you think working at Skull Fortress is slumming, but by this time next week, you'll be back on top. In the mean time, you've got important jobs to do, jobs too tedious for a human like Wily to do it himself. He's the creative architect, after all, which takes up all his time.”

Elec Man remained unmoved; he refused to see crime as a game like Proto Man did. ”A child can dream up a shrink ray."

"Yeah, but only a mad genius can build one. Wily specializes in impossible inventions. For example, you were reprogrammed by a gun made of vacuum tubes and price scanner parts. Isn't that amazing?”

Elec Man ignored the last jab as he crossed through the door into the armory and shut it firmly behind him. 

Keep talking, idiot. Your time will come—and it won’t seem fun when you finally face the harsh reality of crime.

[arctimon]

What If...? (Big Hero 6 Edition)

So the next Marvel series set to release is What If...?, a series of nine episodes that will focus on alternate events and timelines that occur within the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  The series, based off of the comic series of the same name, will premiere on August 11th, running straight through October 6th. The show was suppose to have ten episodes in both Season 1 and 2 (which is already being worked on), but producer Brad Winderbaum mentions in an interview that they had to push an episode back because of, you guessed it, the pandemic:

"We had to push an episode into Season 2. It was just, honestly, like everything else, that was a COVID impact," Winderbaum told Collider. "There was an episode that just wouldn't hit the completion date, but luckily we do get to see it in the second season of the show."

Judging by both the poster and the trailer, we know of a few scenarios: Peggy Carter becoming Captain America, an alternate Avengers lineup battling at New York, Black Panther as Star Lord, Marvel Zombies (of course there’s zombies), and Spider-Man as the Sorcerer Supreme.  Inverse has an article breaking all of the possibilities down.

A lot of the actors who portray their characters in live action will reprise their roles for the animated series, including the late Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther/Star Lord.  Star...Panther?  Black Lord? That last one sounds wrong. Among those not coming back are Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Chris Evans as Steve Rogers, and Dave Bautista as Drax.  Bautista was, according to the man himself, wasn’t even asked to come back to voice Drax.  Others include Brie Larson as Carol Danvers, Tom Holland as Spider-Man, James Spader as Ultron, Zoe Saldana as Gamora, Elizabeth Olson as the Scarlet Witch, Letitia Wright as Shuri, Gweneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts, and various members of the Dora Milaje.  They have all apparently been confirmed to be appearing in What If...? in some form or another, but voiced by different people.

It will certainly be an interesting show, but I hope you can see where I’m going with this.

The Big Hero 6 fanbase has a lot of burning questions for the show and movie, and it’s not all just unanswered ones about what happens after the show ended.  I think collectively there are a few common ���what-ifs” that we have in our minds about the team.  I think the most obvious one involves one of the Hamada brothers, and that branches off into other what-ifs as well.

Granted, not all of these are reality-altering hypotheticals like there are in the show or comics, but they can still change the course of the movie or show in a huge way.

1.) What if...Tadashi had survived the fire?

Tadashi being a survivor of the fire that takes down the exhibition hall brings up a few interesting conundrums.  Would he be scarred for life?  Would he even be able to complete school?

And if Hiro still made the team, would he end up becoming Sunfire like a lot of fans theorize?

The thing is that Callaghan knows that Tadashi died in the fire.  If he knew that he didn’t, would that change his motivations?  Would he still be using the Microbots knowing that the person that was trying to “stop” him was still alive? Alternatively, you also have...

2.) What if...Hiro had died instead of Tadashi?

Hiro was probably about two seconds away from being fully engulfed in that giant fireball.  It’s entirely plausible that he (or possibly both Hamadas) could have perished in the fire instead of his brother, which sort of leads to the same circumstances as the first question, just with different powersets.  Tadashi would no longer be tied to fire-based powers but the magnetic equipment that that Hiro currently uses.

But one has to think about whether Tadashi would be in the right state of mind to be a hero long term.  Seeing his kid brother perish in the accident would probably cause him to go insane, and perhaps the rest of the team would have to reel him in.

3.) What if...Baymax had killed Callaghan?

It’s worth noting that if Honey Lemon had been about three seconds later on getting the healthcare chip back into Baymax, this wouldn’t have been a “What If?” question.

And sure, the team would have saved the day, but at what cost?  The permanent scarring of a fourteen-year-old?  And what would have come of the major revelations after that fight concerning Project Silent Sparrow and Abigail?

Maybe they would have been the ones to build the portal to the other dimension to try to save her.  That would similar to what happened in the original manga (where Tadashi actually helps with the construction of the original portal and got sucked in as a result). 4.) What if...Baymax had saved Obake in “Countdown to Catastrophe”?

Obake dismissed Baymax after his hideout started collapsing near the end of Part 2, and you could tell that Baymax was seriously considering rescuing him before leaving him in his chair amongst the rubble.  Ultimately, however, he did leave him behind after Obake’s insistence.

Imagine what would have happened if he had gone against his programming and saved his life.

The relieved group hug on the beach would have been replaced with a disheveled (and probably a little damp) Obake.  Hiro would have been staring hiim down in disbelief.  Perhaps there would even be another fight, or at least the makings of one.

And then Obake would give himself up for arrest.

Maybe that’s where Chief Cruz could have been introduced.  It would have given a good lead into the next season, and it would give Megan’s meeting with Hiro in Season 2 a little bit more meaning.

And finally, because I’m a shipper and we have to go there:

5.) What if...Karmi had never left SFIT at the end of “City of Monsters”?

We know from the boards that Bob Schooley posted that “City of Monsters” was originally going to end very differently than what actually made the final cut.  It seemed that Karmi, in addition to getting a nonsensical boyfriend named “Flammarion”, was not suppose to leave SFIT in the early draft.

So what if Hiro had shown up to her lab, and instead of seeing this...

He saw this?

Or...something a little less dramatic?  Maybe just her packing up stuff because she’s in the process of leaving?  And Hiro had to say something in order for her to stop what she was doing? And how exactly would you achieve that? See, if that scenario happened, I think that this particular point would be where Hiro told her about being in Big Hero 6.  And of course Karmi wouldn’t believe him, even though she’s now in love with him crushing on him.

Then, he takes her to the base.

And she turns back to him with an incredulous look.

And roll credits.  What a cliffhanger to go into Season 3 with. I vaguely remember fanart depicting that exact scene (Hiro taking Karmi to the base), but I don’t remember who did it.  I would like to give them the proper credit. Season 3 would have looked totally different if that took place.  Maybe it would have been an actual season and not a bunch of mini stories.  Also...perhaps Karmi would have joined the team proper.

And maybe we would have finally had a giant canonical Karmiro moment.

...Now that is a big “What if?”.

(Marvel’s What If...? premieres on Wednesday, August 11th on Disney+.)

[omegas-spaghettios]

In Defense of Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, and Echo

I want to clarify that I like Crosshair. I used to love him and I just kinda like him now, but he's a great character. I hold nothing against his fans. I just want to talk about how people are slandering these 4 like they did everything wrong when everything they did was pretty justified.

I need to talk about Crosshair's chip, because that affects how we all view these final episodes. While I agree things don't add up completely, Cross has no scar, nursing a headache, etc., his behavior DOES indicate he is telling the truth.

Chipped clones have been shown to show loyalty to the Empire above all else. They killed the jedi, they'll kill innocents, they forget all sentimentality, and we see with Jesse that they will more than happily die to accomplish the chip's commands. The Batch has experience with this with Captain Grey in the premiere and later Wrecker. Chipped clones are basically battle droids.

Crosshair does not act like that at all. He shows sentiment and loyalty to personal history, he defies orders to even kill his fellow imperials, and he puts aside his anger in order to escape Kamino. NONE of those things are congruent with him having a chip in at all. So while it doesn't add up completely either way, the evidence honestly seems to favor that he's telling the truth as his behavior is a huge tell that has not been shown to be able to be countered for more than a few seconds (love you Rex) while an absence of a scar could indicate a variety of things and the headache can honestly just be chronic pain from his insane head injury in Episode 8. I'm not saying that is the truth, but what I am saying is the evidence provided can easily line up to more than make it believable that Wrecker, Echo, and Tech believe he has it out.

Wrecker does know what a chip feels like, so we all expected more empathy from him, but Crosshair is not acting the way did Wrecker did AT ALL. Wrecker lost all control and immediately tried to kill the people he loves most, while as stated Crosshair is exhibiting almost opposite behavior. Wrecker knows what a chip does to you and Crosshair is definetly not showing that, so why would Wrecker show empathy for it? Wrecker knows first hand that is not what the chip does to you so it more than makes sense that he sees Crosshair's behavior and story and believes it.

Crosshair's intense feelings of Supremacy and loyalty to the Empire are not out of no where. We see in TCW that he is incredibly cruel about regs, he has always hated them. So considering the journey he went on this season it does feel like a realistic progression of belief.

Crosshair also is hurting his own cause here. Now we as the audience know for sure he had it in for Episode 1, we are shown explicit evidence. We have no idea when he got it out though due to the lack of a scar, and his refusal to specify hurts him here because what he actually did as himself vs. chipped is VERY important. I also want to say that while the audience knows Crosshair has the chip in in Episode 1, no evidence is provided to the Batch to know that, so Crosshair saying he had it out "a long time ago" means it is reasonable that the Batch could even suspect everything he did since Episode 1 was him. And here's a quick rundown of some things he did this season that the Batch would know about:

Obeyed Order 66 and shot at a child jedi even when ordered to stand down

Advocated to kill civilians to the others

Shot Wrecker and used him as bait to lure the others out

Lead dozens of Troopers to Bracca to kill them

Went out of his way to order his troops to kill Omega during that confrontation within earshot of Hunter

Tried to burn them all alive with an Ion Engine

Contributed to the oppression of Ryloth

Arrested Howzer, a clone who was trying to do the right thing

Spouted supremacist jargon about how they are superior to regs (something Hunter, Tech, and Wrecker have been shown to be softening up on)

Said the might of the Empire was the only way and basically gave them all the choice to join or die.

And remember, our heroes just got the revelation that potentially all of those actions were taken of Crosshair's own free will. They have every right to be harsh or unwelcoming after that. Sure they didn't try to rescue him but he also tried to put multiple blaster bolts through their heads, no one is innocent.

So the general coldness and harshness is more than understandable considering that Crosshair just admitted to trying to get them all killed on multiple occasions on his own free will, that would sour your relationship with anyone I reckon, so why are they expected to be okay with Crosshair doing all of that?

Anyway, to specifics. When Wrecker says Crosshair never even tried to come back and that they would have taken him, there is truth to that. During both Bracca and Ryloth, Crosshair was right there and had opportunities to turn heel and help them all escape, but he never did. I've seen this described as victim-blaming but you guys need to realize that Crosshair has potentially done ALL of this of his own free will and is actively trying to pull the others to the Empire. Wrecker is right, Crosshair put more effort into killing or converting them than he ever did in returning. It's harsh but it's true.

And Tech saying it's in his nature is like, classic Tech. I don't necessarily agree that they all have set paths due to their biology like Tech does, but Tech began this season rattling off about how Wrecker was made to be the way he was, this is just how Tech rolls.

The one I see a lot is after Crosshair rescues Omega and they still have the guns up and then never thank him. First of all, Crosshair never thanked them either for saving his life so let's not go around expecting any shows of gratitude from everyone. But more importantly, how were they supposed to know that Crosshair was saving Omega? As a viewer I legit thought he was aiming for Hunter there, it makes more than enough sense that they pulled their weapons on him. And considering their recent history, it makes sense that all three of them keep their weapons up longer than needed, both Hunter and Omega are potentially at risk. We all saw how quickly all of them drew their weapons in Episode 13 at even the slightest hint of danger to Omega. Considering everything before, it makes sense they kept them up until he disarmed himself, that's just good self defense honestly.

And my final point:

CROSSHAIR WAS NOT ABANDONED AT THE END OF THE SEASON

He was given multiple invitations and opportunities to join. Sure, he was not made to feel all that welcome, but even after all of the season and the finale, Wrecker stops to ask if he is coming and Hunter gives him one last chance. He was given many opportunities to go with them. He said he made his choice, that isn't abandonment, that's stepping away.

In Conclusion

Honestly all 6 of the main characters really dropped the ball on this season's conflict and no one is blameless or unjustified.

I'm not mad about it because it makes for compelling character drama, but everyone involved kinda didn't do their best, so maybe let's not slander one side over the other?

(Small lists of commenters who showed interest is seeing this: @violettavie @shilsvampsinger @rain-over-kamino )