#like how desperate she sounded in it and the mv shows it a bit i think. with the lyrics being hard to read. meshing with the | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

defcravings · 4 years

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show me - | im changkyun

wc: 4.4k

genre: suggestive with sexual mentions

synopsis: y/n is a makeup artist on changkyun’s ‘god damn’ MV shoot, when the rapper takes a sudden liking to her; she becomes more involved in the shoot than she anticipated.

pairing: changkyun x reader

5am was not the ideal start time for y/n, especially in the cold and with no coffee. In hand carrying 5 alarmingly large cases of makeup and costume through the staff entrance of the set for the shoot; silently assuring yourself that you ‘would get coffee or so help her god.’ Being the first one here you flicked on all the lights and threw down the cases of makeup that were slowly making you feel like your fingers were going to fall off- with a clatter on the table you exhaled and rubbed your now very sore fingers. you loved her job as a makeup artist, but it was hard to like it this early in the morning; and once again, without coffee.

you began shoving boxes round the room to clear space for the fitting and hanging the clothes up on the railing beside the mirror until you heard a familiar voice singing a very joyful ‘good morning y/n.’ You flashed a look in the direction of the door to see Jules, the head stylist in her puffy jacket (which looked like it would swallow the entire 5ft1 woman whole) duffle bag on one shoulder and gripping 2 cups of what looked like Starbucks coffee.

You stood up throwing your hair back behind your shoulders, taking the cup from Jules who extended it towards you. ‘You ready for today?’ Jules questioned, taking a sip from the cup she hugged in her hands. ‘I am now’ you said gesturing to the coffee you’d been thinking about from the moment you sat in the car on the way here. ‘Thanks for filling in by the way, Soo was really worried about leaving us without a makeup artist but her little one is really sick. I really owe you one’ Jules chuckled, setting her jacket down and picking up the makeup case and opening it. Soo was the whole reason you got into makeup, she was the head makeup artist at the company you worked for- granted you were a little nervous to be deemed ‘head makeup artist’ for the day, but with her daughter being as cute as she is, you could forgive her for being ill. ‘No no it’s fine, call it even for the coffee’ you smiled rolling out the makeup brushes.

A few more members of the team came into the studio and began to help you set up. 8am rolled around and your client was expected to arrive anytime, in the meantime you went over the makeup brief and sat on your phone scrolling aimlessly. ‘Morning everyone’ a deep voice said from the doorway. Your head whipped round to see the unfamiliar face smiling towards Jules. His black long hair draped over one eye; as he stretched out his arms to hug the little too excited Jules. ‘Oh good morning love!’ she sang, grinning from ear to ear. ‘Changkyun, this is y/n’ she said extending her arm out, gesturing towards you who was now stood up, coffee cup in hand for comfort. ‘Soo had to look after her little one, so y/n is going to look after you today. she’s well on her way to being head makeup artist’ Jules sang like a proud mother. You just stood there and chuckled at her. Changkyun paused for a moment, looking you dead in the eye before slowly putting his hand out for you to shake. You uncomfortably swallowed before shaking his hand back and gave a closed mouth smile staring him back in the eyes. ‘Nice to meet you, y/n’ he replied slowly, with a hint of sultry. His eyes dropped slowly over your body, not unnoticed, but somehow not unwanted. Hands still touching, Jules clapped, pulling you both back into the reality of being in a room with other people. ‘Shall we get you changed then?’ Jules said, ushering Changkyun over to the clothing rail. You began to feel your ears burning red and your hands run cold. He knew exactly what he was doing. And my god, it was working.

Watching his take off his jacket while Jules held up countless outfits against his chest, deciding which one would capture the concept of the shoot. After much deliberation they settled on a mesh shirt with a beige jacket over the top. Changkyun cast a look over in your direction where you leaned against the makeup table trying to act as casual as you could; as he pulled his oversized black shirt over his head revealing what can only be described a the body of a god. his gaze never leaving your’s. your breath hitched as his shook his hands through his hair; leaving everyone in the room making noises of approval and gawking at his body. ‘we need to draw the tattoos on you before we put this one though’ Jules said hanging the shirt back up and looking over towards you. ‘y/n do you want to get started on that before we dress him? just do whatever you think would match the theme’ Jules continued, Changkyun smirked, knowing exactly how this was going to go.

‘oh, okay yeah.. um, come sit here’ you said awkwardly motioning over to the couch that was placed in the middle of the room. he flopped down spreading his arms over the back of the sofa, as you slowly walked over; tattoo pens in hand. you couldn’t even bring your eyes up to meet his yet you could feel his stare casting itself over your entire body. suddenly wishing you wore a bigger shirt. softly you pulled the cap off the pen and cleared your throat, desperately trying to look him in the eye but failing miserably. ‘so um.. I was thinking, maybe something on your neck? is that okay?’ you uttered quietly, playing with the cap of the pen to ease your nerves. ‘I like that.’ changkyun replied, his gaze still running over your upper body. somehow it didn’t feel like he was talking about the tattoo. ‘okay.. can you um just..’ you trailed off as you gently turned his face away by his jawline and shuffled in a little closer to get a better handle on his neck. you cold hands touched his warm skin, immediately repeating the feeling of blood draining from your face as you placed the pen on his neck. your eyes flicked over to the mirror that faced the couch; where you saw changkyun looking directly at you, smirking as he saw your eyes meet. your heart felt like it was beating out your chest, becoming very worried he could hear it the same as you heard it in your ears.

around 10 minutes passed and you’d finished the first tattoo and you moved onto the next one; on the upper side of his bicep. this job was becoming a bit of a gift and a curse. the rest of the staff carried on organising, which should have made the situation feel much more relaxed, yet it didn't seem to make any difference, you still felt like your heart was about to burst out your chest. until he spoke. ‘do you have any?’ he murmured. you almost didn’t hear it. you shifted your eyes from your work to his face to see if it was directed at you. his dark gaze was staring back at you, taking you by surprise. ‘any what?’ you murmured back at the same level, looking back at his arm. ‘any tattoos?’ he responded. you swallowed slowly, how on earth did his voice make you so nervous? it cast goosebumps all over your body yet made you feel like you were burning up; it was almost repulsive as he knew what he was doing, but you didn't want it to stop.

a moment passed as you replied ‘yeah.. I have 3′ you steadied you breath trying to sound relaxed, like you weren’t going to explode. ‘what are they?’ he questioned, his voice beginning to sound softer as the conversation began to flow. you pulled away from the tattoo and gently pushed your hair over your left shoulder; turning your upper body the same way. ‘so.. I have one here’ you said softly, showing the back of your shoulder to him. his eyes were low as they took in all of your back, not leaving the mark on you until the last moment when you turned back to face him. his gaze flicking back up to meet yours as you turned to the other side to gesture to one on the side of your ribs, pulling your shirt up just a tiny bit to reveal the next trace of ink. his now hunched over body dangerously close to your exposed skin; causing you to suddenly stop, lowering your shirt back down and locking eyes with him. ‘and um, I can’t show you the other one..’ you trailed off, picking your pen back up. you could tell he was still looking at you. ‘why?’ he queried, in an extra low, extra sultry voice. the smirk on his lips growing larger as he began to guess as to why it was something you couldn't show him. he thought seemed to excite him. and equally, it excited you. ‘its um, in a place I can’t show you..’ you chucked softly, hoping it would break his intense gaze. to your dismay, he remained his harsh look. ‘show me’ he practically growled, his voice as low and the pit in your stomach. your eyes quickly shifted round the room, noticing that everyone had now left. ‘I can’t..’ you replied with a little chuckle. this response seemed to peak Changkyun’s interest in the matter. ‘show me where on me then’ he whispered slowly reaching for your hand and pulling it towards his body that was now shifting to his slouched torso and parted legs. your heart began to race, with the knowledge of where the tattoo was and knowing where you were going to have to touch him. this was less than professional, but somehow you didn’t care. he placed your hand on his chest trailing it down towards his abs. your fingers lightly leading the way until he reached the base of his stomach.

‘here?’ he paused the motion and looked up towards you, a smirk plastered over his lips. a smirk that transferred onto your lips too. ‘a bit further’ you whispered, earning a breath from changkyun. his hand continued down past his stomach, onto the waistband of his jeans, causing him to exhale gently. just as both your hands approached the bulge that had now appeared under his jeans, you took control, steering his hand to the side next to his hip. ‘here’ you whispered cheekily, earning a loud yet disappointed exhale from his bitten lips. ‘I see’ he said, releasing your hand from his grip and placing his hands behind his head and leaning back. his eyes moving up and down your body as you stood back up and put the pens away. ‘I'm done’ you taunted, leaning against table looking at him with low eyes. sticking his tongue in his cheek pausing for a moment before pushing himself up; he walked slowly over to meet you. feeling the heat from his bare chest inches away from your small frame. his height looming over you made you feel tiny, and he liked that. he thrived on it.

his now tattooed bicep curled up following his vascular hand towards your neck, goosebumps coated your arms from top to finger tips. his fingers trailed over your exposed shoulder, hooking his finger under the single strap from your top and and pulling it towards him. the inches between you two vanished leaving your body pressed against his taught chest. he leaned down, his breath trailing over your neck until he stopped at your ear. ‘no we’re not’ he said in a low breathy tone. your heart was beating a million miles per hour, your lips burned to touch his but you couldn’t move. like your entire body had stopped working.

changkyun pulled away, leaving your stunned body stuck in place. finally giving you a chance to breathe. his back muscles moving with every step it took away; making his way over to the clothing rail and putting his mesh shirt on without even looking at you. as if on queue; Jules entered clapping at changkyun in his outfit. ‘oh doesn’t he look great!’ she sang holding his face in her hands. ‘right lets get you on set!’ she said, pulling his hand out the door and onto set. leaving you in the dressing room, trying to rationalise everything that just happened. unsuccessfully. suddenly her head poked back into the room taking you by surprise. ‘aren’t you coming?’ she queried. ‘yeah, yeah I'm coming’ you replied pushing your confused body off the desk and following her out.

the set looked insane, the lights were low and red creating a really sultry vibe. almost dingy. the room was full of extras talking quietly and milling around, the crew on the other side of the room looking like they were getting ready to begin. a rather tall looking man wearing a directors hat clapped to the room of people and shouted ‘right everyone, we are going to get started! we are going to get the second scene out the way first then we shall start shooting the dancing! okay! changkyun and ara come over here.. changkyun sit down and ara if you could get on top of him please’ he said motioning them to a green couch that was placed in the middle of the room. a tall black haired woman lead the way, she was gorgeous, her short hair grazed her shoulders and her makeup was sexy and sultry. bothered wasn't the word you would use to describe the description, but curious was. you wanted to see how this would unfold. changkyun shot a look over to you, once again a smirk on his face. you desperately wanted to keep your face neutral, knowing what he wanted you to react and not giving him the satisfaction was far more important. with that he flopped onto the couch, his arms over the back. this looked alarmingly familiar. ara gently straddled him, placing her delicate arms over his shoulders, awaiting further instruction. ‘okay great! so your basically just going to be touching him, hands on his neck, chest, hair, things like that. just make it look natural’ the director instructed. the 2 nodded in response. the discomfort this brought you was really beginning to settle in. you sat down on the crew chair behind you and crossed your legs, just watching.

a lull of whispers filled the room as the crew got into position, leaving changkyun a few seconds to look over at you, hoping this would make you jealous. you wouldn’t give it to him. you couldn’t. pulling your phone out your pocket seemed like the best option. so you did, and began mindlessly scrolling, trying to ignore the very uncomfortable scene that was about to play out before you. ‘aaaand, action!’ called the director, the smoke machines began to spray thick fog throughout the room, a deep bass began to play only adding to the atmosphere. a few seconds passed of you scrolling on your phone trying to ignore it. but you couldn’t help but flick your eyes up from your screen. her hands were all up in his hair and trailing down his neck, her head thrown back leaving her exposed chest and neck to his gaze. wow this was uncomfortable. the discomfort was interrupted by the booming voice of the director ‘CUT’ he shouted, immediately the lights came on and the lull of quiet voices resumed. the pair looked confused, as the director strode over to the two on the sofa. the words exchanged were quiet, making sure that no one else heard. with that he made his way back over to the crew. ‘okay lets go again. aaaand action!’ he called. the atmosphere fell again. and so did your eyes to your phone. this time it lasted a little longer, until the director called cut again. the director lifted his hat to wipe sweat from his brow as he chatted to ara and changkyun. ara nodded strongly and apologised to him and got back into position.

the interruptions continued another 2 times; causing the previous lull of whispers to become louder from the crew. Jules was stood talking to the producer who was looking rather disgruntled; making you wonder what the heck was going on. A rather worried Jules shuffled back over to meet you sighing as she sat down. ‘what’s going on?’ you queried, trying to sound as disinterested as possible. Jules leaned over to you, trying to make the conversation as unheard as possible. ‘well.. she’s just not quite getting the direction. it looks awkward on camera. I think they're going to call for a break and try again later’ she whispered, eyes flicking over to the now departed duo on the couch every few words. ‘okay guys, go grab yourself a drink and something to eat and we will start again in 20 minutes, sorry guys’ the producer called to the extras who are shared the same confused look as they walked out the room to the snack room.

the director and producer walked over to ara and changkyun who were now looking over the directions on the paper in front of them. ‘grab your brushes, lets go listen in’ Jules said cheekily dragging you over to the group, to touch up their makeup. you pulled a powder brush out of your waist pouch and some a compact and began to power changkyun’s face. the conversation sounded intense. ‘it’s just that it’s looking a little awkward on camera. you’re both very farm apart, your bodies need to be closer together. more intimate looking.’ he director said awkwardly. changkyun didn’t even seem to be listening. he was looking back up at you, even though you weren’t looking at him, you wouldn’t. not right now. ‘sorry I don’t want to be a pain.. I just can’t imagine what you're asking’ ara said shyly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

‘come here’ changkyun demanded, not breaking his gaze at you. you shifted your eyes up to meet his. ‘what?’ you questioned, lowering your brush from his cheek. ‘like this’ he said calmly, taking your arm and pulling you down onto the sofa. suddenly you were straddling him, brushes still in hand and very confused. before you even had chance to object, one hand was trailing up your thigh to your hip while the other one travelled from your shoulder to your neck as his mouth made its way to meet it. his hot breath marking where you longed for his mouth to plant itself. his lips stopping centimetres from your sweet spot. the crew erupted with praise and woah’s. wishing he would stay there for a few more seconds was too much to ask as he pulled away, leaning back on the coach and removing his hands from your hip and neck. his eyes meeting ara’s shocked face, ‘like that’ he smirked. slowly you stood up, fixing yourself as you tried to come back to reality. ‘yes yes like that! lets go for a take while the extras are eating’ the director said running back to the camera followed by the director. Jules dragged your stunned body back to the crew area as your legs wouldn’t seem to carry you, before you could even say anything to changkyun about how he firstly shouldn’t have done that, or apologise to ara.

you watched as they got into position again, ran the scene, still as awkward as the last. the sighs and quick cut from the crew told you that they felt the same. ‘okay guys go get a drink and we will see if we can re work the scene’ the producer announced, very deflated. ara apologised and left the room, you couldn’t help but feel bad for her. this was uncomfortable, getting that intimate with someone in front of a whole crew. lord. you pulled your phone out your pocket to check the time. they were running behind. badly. as you locked it and put it back in your pocket you saw the director power walking over towards you. never good. ‘y/n will you do us a favour’ he asked you, sounding a little desperate. this could go one of 2 ways you thought. coffee run.. or something you realllly didn’t want to do. ‘umm.. what is it?’ you asked cautiously. ‘would you just do the scene with changkyun? we are running really behind and don’t have time to keep refilming’ he pleaded. you suddenly realised the entire crew was looking at you. including changkyun. ‘um.. I'm sure ara will be fine after she has a drink just give her another shot, please’ you whispered trying to not be heard by anyone else. ‘please y/n we don't have time, it’ll take 5 minutes max, please i’ll owe you one..’ he said, clasping his hands together pleading. you shifted your gaze over to changkyun who was stood in eye line behind the director, the corner of his lip curling into a smirk. god I hate him, you thought. ‘um.. yeah okay fine’ you said running one hand through your hair trying to calm yourself down. ‘yes okay amazing, get into positions please!’ he shouted turning back towards changkyun. your chest was burning like you were on fire as you watched him walk over to the couch, knowing exactly what was going to happen made it so much worse.

slowly walking to meet him at the coach and standing over him as he looked up at you with burning desire. you adjusted your shirt slightly before gently straddling him, keeping you distance still. feeling the discomfort erupting. changkyun was obviously enjoying your awkwardness, chuckling as he reached one arm around your hips and pulling you closer to him so your core was now directly on his bulge. your throat hitched as his cool breath trailed down your cleavage, never breaking eye contact. the burn in your chest was spreading through your entire body, every part taking turns to be set on fire. ‘I told you we weren’t done’ he whispered gruffly, knowing exactly what he meant. the moment was interrupted by the director ‘okay right lets go, very natural, just like earlier, y/n just follow the lead okay? right aaaand action!’ he called, causing the entire set to fall silent, waiting for whatever was about to happen. it took a moment before anything happened, soaking in exactly where your bodies connected. the music boomed low as you both became engulfed in a spray of smoke. it felt far more comfortable than before, like no one could see you.

changkyun’s hand spread flat travelling up your thigh, curving to the contours of your hip, leading up your side. your body froze outwardly, but inside you felt everything. his hand on a path to your breast, taunting you with the feeling he redirected his graze to gently trail over the top of your breast and up your neck. forcefully gripping the back of your neck and planting soft kisses up it, starting at the base and slowly working his way up. taking his time on every spot, missing non of it. earning a soft blow of air from your mouth are you arched your back to meet his hard chest. a breathy ‘knew it’ escaped his lips between harsh kisses up you neck as he reached your sweet spot.

you couldn’t let him have all the fun. you thought to yourself as you reached down to his belt loops, pulling your cores closer together taking him by surprise. a quiet low groan left his lips as you reached one hand into the back of his hair; gently tightening your grip, keeping him in place. his hands fell from you neck, holding his grip on your hips. you knew this was the reaction you wanted but you couldn’t stop there. taking the opportunity to snake your right hand up his chest to meet his jawline, holding it lightly, leaving his neck exposed. his eyes connected with yours, letting you have full control of him. his rosy lips slightly parted as you leaned towards them. grazing your nose against his, lips inches away from each other. the torment was well received, noticing a small smirk on changkyun’s lips. ‘kiss me then’ he whispered, just loud enough for you to hear. you let out a breathy laugh as you removed the inches between you two, grazing your lips against his. you felt his entire body relax beneath you as he moaned into the kiss; allowing you full control. or so you though, he quickly wrapped a strong arm around your waist, flipping you over so he was on top. his torso baring weight down on you, pulling your legs to wrap around him. hands either side of your face to keep you exactly where he wanted you, leaving you completely submissive to his grip.

‘aaaand cut!’ the director shouted, pulling you both out of the complete state of euphoria you were just in. ‘fantastic guys, wow that was great. I think that’s it, take 10 minutes and we will start the next scene’ the producer continued, clapping as he stood up out of his chair. leaving the crew to continue to their lull. you slowly looked up at changkyun again who hadn’t seemed to look away. his once perfectly tousled hair now a mess, reflective of yours. you pushed yourself to sit upright on the couch, releasing yourself from his arms. silence. from you both. desperately trying to think of what to say; changkyun began ‘I knew you weren’t done’ he smirked. causing you to chuckle awkwardly, ‘whatever’ you replied running a hand through your hair, putting it back in place. ‘the shoot finishes at 5, I'll see you after’ he said flopping back onto the couch next to you. he wanted you to say yes. you knew that. and you couldn’t have that. not yet. you leaned towards him, watching him think you were going to kiss him again. stopping just inches away from his lips you whispered; ‘we’ll see’ standing up and walking away before he even had a chance to open his eyes. catching a view of you before you left the room, realising his trousers were now getting uncomfortable..

#monsta x #monsta x imagines #changkyun #changkyun imagine #i.m changkyun #i.m imagine

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apieceofsushi · 3 years

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So, “aishite aishite aishite” is probably the mv I have watched the most outside of the game because oh my god it is amazing.

*warning: I will be talking about the more mature themes in the song, beware!*

the lyrics themselves are not very long for the in game version, as you can see here:

It fights them perfectly. Especially Mafuyu. And the MV! The presentation was delivered perfectly.

Let’s start with the song itself:

All of Miku’s, Mafuyu’s, and Ena’s voices are usually quite high when they sing, so at first when listeners hear the song it sounds almost daydreamy and sweet. But then as the song goes on, it even sounds as if things are slowly getting worse. And then things get rushed as they reach the climax of the song, and everything spins out of control. And that last “ahh” sounds super eerie once you’ve heard the whole thing.

But the message and lyrics that go along with this—oh boy. The “collar” is obviously seen as a restraint, something that controls the person and they have no freedom, as it yearns for attention and craves love. And so, this comes out of the mouth of the person wearing it, and so they become desperate and wants to be loved, and the title really highlights this as it is repeated three times.

And then they must, absolutely must stay attached to the people they create relationships with, which is probably clingy and would definitely seem like that person was losing their mind. This attitude is what clouds the persons mind, and they become obsessed.

Then they question their good qualities, desperately wanting those that they hide behind to be what makes people want to like them. Until it pains them. And then the chorus comes in, and slowly the song ends.

But what I really loved was the music video.

You see them showing off their new outfits from their latest event, as the event song did not have a 3DMV. I honestly wouldn’t mind if this is what they wore from now on, as it fights them well.

Then as the song wears on, there a little signs, such as blurring and slight shaking, which could resemble someone deteriorating slowly on the inside, until it hurts so much that it bursts.

Like I said before, the “collar” is what is choking the persons sanity, and as the climax hits, Miku is reaching out, although they can’t be saved from the madness that then hits.

And then the words—ugh this was spot on! I assume they’re saying “aishite”, but it really is symbolic that it’s surrounding them and swallowing their vision and surrounding them, like what the song is portraying in someone’s mind. And later, the words are blocking out the screen, which makes the trio look like they’re going crazy, even though their continuing to dance rather calmly.

I really liked Mafuyu’s walk backward as she is worn out, as some of the song fits her character arc. Especially the little bit of violin that pokes out here, it really caught my attention and I just really like this little part.

As I also mentioned before, their last “aah” sounds really eerie, despite the fact they’re back in the white backdrop. The feelings that are portrayed are still there, but now the viewer can see how those feelings are hiding underneath the surface.

Just look at this. After the whole message of the song, they’re smiling. As if everything is fine, and they are reaching their hands out, as if to invite the viewer to be their friend, despite what they just heard and saw.

And lastly, there is this coloring that appears throughout the video (which enhances the effects even more). The only color changing I have ever seen in project sekai mv’s is sometimes black and white (or gray 🤪), so this is a very bold step for the animators to make.

Anyways, that’s just my interpretation of this song, take it as you like. But I really felt like I could see into the animators minds, and this is definitely one of my favorite 3DMV’s.

#project sekai: colorful stage! feat. hatsune miku #nightcord at 25:00 #aishite aishite aishite #my god that was amazing #also this fits Ena as she craves attention-I mean that’s not a bad thing #you’re still coming home tomorrow within fifty pulls

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honey-subs · 4 years

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UMM bro omg the new agustd mv is just DJJDJDH HOLY- and i was thinking if you could yknow write something abt like how y/n been thinking abt him being all tied up and stuff in bed after she saw the making of the mv 😳😳 idk if im making sense anymore yoongi is justt a sexy bitcj

Agust D - Min Yoongi (2)

was already writing for the agust d comeback, so this is part two! also, ajshdhjd yes! the entire mv was amazing, and there’s no skips in the album i-

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

⤷pairing - yoongi x reader

⤷genre - smut

⤷summary - yoongi seems to really love rope.

⤷warnings - sub!yoongi, dom!reader, bondage, smut, fluff, praise, crying, denial, multiple orgasms, degradation, oral (f!receiving), hand jobs, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, just really kinky.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(Continued. . .)

you pushed yoongi down onto the bed once the both of you made it to your room. you attached your lips to his in a kiss of fire, all the lent up emotions the both of you have held back for weeks being released. you pulled away slowly, and his lips struggle to find yours afterwards. cute.

you began to strip yourself of clothing, taking off first your leather jacket, then your shirt, and jeans. yoongi eyes you from his spot on the bed, mouth watering just looking at your form and the way you moved. moving to your dresser, you pull out something you’ve been waiting to use since you got word that he’d be making his mv.

once you turn around, his eyes move to the rope in your hand and he bites his lip. “since you seem to like rope so much,” you pause. “strip.” you tell him, voice low as you near him. he quickly does what your tell him, removing his shirt, then going down to his joggers, pushing them down and off. you can see the dark material of his boxers, and just how hard he is for again. a patch on his boxers was wet with precum as his cock strained against the material.

finally, he pulled down his boxers, revealing his cock. “good boy.” you told him, kneeling on the bed beside him. he smiles at the praise, relaxing and getting further into subspace. softly, you push him by his chest down onto the bed, allowing him to get comfortable before you continued.

you push up his arms up so they rest on his chest, and you tied some of the rope around his wrists and around his arms, securing the, comfortably. you move down farther, spreading his legs and tying them to the foot of the bed. you admire the work of knots and ties around him. “you look so pretty like this, yoongi.” you tell him with a dreamy sigh. his cheeks and chest flush with pretty pinks at your words.

you lean towards him slowly, lips attaching once again. this time, your hands slyly trialed down to his erection. he gasped snd moaned into your mouth when you suddenly gripped him, moving your hand skillfully up and down the shaft of his cock, giving the tip special attention. you moved down to his neck, sucking a hickey into the once porcelain, clean skin there. as your hand continued to move, hid moans got louder, and the hickies that litter his chest and neck increase in numbers.

you snuck a peak up at him, he was already in subspace, eyes glossy as smuall whimlers and moans leave his lips. “p-please, mistress.” he says, words slurred as he’s overwhelmed with pleasure. “what do you want me to do, yoon?” you asked in a teasing whisper. “m-more,” he manages to say. hips subtly bucking into your fist. “you want more?” you asked, voice sweet and kind. your other hand comes up to his hair, running soothing fingers through it. “p-please, mistress, m-more.” he says again, hips bucking wildly.

your palm is flat against his scalp, when you suddenly make a fist, pulling his hair up. he sucks in a sharp inhale a breath at the feeling, and you slow down your hand tremendously. “just like a slut to ask for more. is what i’m giving you not enough?” you asked, tugging his hair. “answer me, whore.” you tell him, gripping his cock in your hand. “y-yes miss! it was perfect, i-i’m sorry.” he pleads, hands balled up on his chest tightly. tears well up in his eyes as you continued to be still, tugging his hair and having an unmoving hand on his swollen cock.

you moved your hand away from his cock, and let go of his hair. “absolutely pathetic.” the tears spill over. “i expected more from a tough-talking rapper like you.” you tease. “y-yes mistress, i’m pathetic.” he says, words jumbled and slurred as tears of frustration and denied arousal stream down his face. you leaned forward and toyed with one of the hickies on his chest. “please make me cum, miss.” he begged. “my pathetic cock can’t take it, i need to cum, please mistress!” he’s louder this time, really wanting your hands, your mouth, something around him to make him cum.

“do you think you deserve it?” you asked, hand moving down from his chest to his lower stomach, right above where he needs you most. “n-no, miss. i-i’m just your pathetic little toy to use, b-but i can make you feel good too!” he proposes desperately. this peaks your interest and you stop your movements. “i-i want you to sit on my face.” he says, muscles flexing under the restricting rope. “hm okay. if you can make me cum, i’ll see if i can make you cum as well.” you tell him, already moving to straddle his waist.

you move up so you’re hovering over his face teasingly. “p-please.” he whimpers, desperately wanting to please you. you decide he’s begged enough, and lower yourself down. instantly, his lips and tongue are going at it, taking your clit into his mouth and sucking in the sensitive bud quickly, tongue swirling against your folds, occasionally dipping into your entrance. the sounds that were coming out of your mouth were absolutely sinful; head tipped back as you allowed him to work his magic.

you were so sensitive and aroused, that it didn’t take long for his tongue to bring you to the edge. your hands found his hair as you tugged in it everytime he sped up. his moans sent vibrations throughout your core as he continued. a familiar feeling bubbled in your lower stomach, and one more graze of his teeth against your clit was tipping you over the edge. “fuck!” you exclaimed as your thighs shook as they encased his head. yoongi made sure to lap at all your cum eagerly. he continued to lick through your orgasm when you pulled away from oversensitivity.

“ready to cum, yoongi?” you asked, voice shaky. “please, mistress.” you hummed. “what do you want?” you asked, hands roaming his lower stomach, again, just above where he needed you most. “y-you, please.” he said. you knew exactly what he meant. smirking, you straddled him again, making sure to have his erection press against your ass.

very slowly and teasingly, you lift up and hover over him, causing him to bite his lip as he looked at you, with his tear stained cheeks gleaming in the light. you finally allowed him what he wanted. he couldn’t help the large moan that forced itself through his lips as you sunk down onto him, engulfing his cock in your warmth. you sit for a while, allowing him to fill you to the brim, occasionally swiveling your hips. you lean forward after a while, and fuck yourself back down on him. you bit your lip to hold in you moans, while yoongi was moaning unabashedly.

you gripped his waist as you did so, leaning down to capture his lips with yours. there wasn’t a fight for dominance as he allowed your tongue to explore his mouth. you pulled away, moving to kiss down his jaw. “mistress, please! i-i’m gonna cum.” he says, bucking his hips into you. “c-choke me.” he whispers desperately. you’re surprised, but you don’t let it show. you move a hand up to his neck, squeezing it slightly. his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fell completely into subspace. only incoherent mumbles and thank you’s leaving his lips. “cum for me, yoongi.” you tell him, watching as his muscles convulse and tense before he truly lets go, choked moans leaving his lips. he cums, truly filling you up.

the sensation caused you to let go as well, shivering as you come to your release. you help him ride out his orgasm, and remove your hands. you move off of him, and his breathing is labored as he pants for breath.

quickly, you untie the ropes on his wrists and ankles. he moves his arms slowly, still hazy in his subspace. you quickly run some warm water for him. after the water is run, you quickly get yoongi to help him to the bathroom. you help him into the bath, and get in as well, making sure to be careful of bruises, marks and hickies as you bathe him. the bath was fairly quick, yoongi was still unresponsive as you helped him get dress and out of the tub.

you had him sit for a minute as you changed the sheets, and when you got into the bed, he latched onto you cutely. you run a few comforting fingers through his hair and rub a bruise on his hip. his eyes gradually get less and less glossy as he gets out of his subspace. “i love you,” he mumbled from his place in your arms. you smile upon hearing his voice. “i love you too, baby.”

“are you okay?” you asked, making sure he was fine before continuing with questions. “i’m fine.” he says, curling into you. “did i go to hard? was it enjoyable for you?” you asked, wanting know if you went too far with anything. “it was perfect and felt amazing. thank you.” he says, leaning up to kiss you. “wanna go to sleep or stay up for a bit?” you asked, ready to turn the tv on if he asked. “no, i’m tired, can we sleep?” he asked. “of course.” you tell him, turning of the lights and the lamp. “night, yoon.” you tell him, allowing him to curl into some more. “night.” he whispers sleepily.

WHOO! THIS IS FINALLY DONE!

#agust d #d-2 #sub!yoongi #min yoongi #suga #sub!suga #bts #dom!reader #fluff #smut #sub!bts #sub!idol #kpop smut #rap line #sub!rapline #sub!kpop #yoongi smut #yoongi imagines

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dat-town · 4 years

Text

(we are all someone’s) monster

Characters:

Jihoon, Y/N’s brother

Chanyeol, Jihoon’s best friend

Sehun, Yixing, Suho are Jihoon’s and Chanyeol’s friends

Baekhyun, Xiumin, Chen, Kai, D.O are members of the gang named CBX

Genre: action, crime

Setting: set in somewhat in the future, gang au with scifi and dystopian elements

Warnings: minor character death off scene, grief, mentions of gambling, drug usage, murder, violence and all that usual gang stuff i guess

Summary: Neo Seoul is a place without laws and one reckless mistake can cost you more than you ever imagined.

Words: 8.1k

Notes: partly inspired by the Reign quote: “I miss the girl you were.” “Many will. She was easier to kill.” but mostly by the Lotto and Monster MVs (watch them in this order for better imaginary)

Happy birthday to one of my favourite hype women, this ray of sunshine who never fails to make me smile and even when you think, you’re too much, you’re just enough. Love you, @lily-blue <3

Night had always seemed to fall early on Neo Seoul.

Maybe that was why parents didn't warn their children about nightfall anymore: nobody dared to step outside of their house anyways if they didn't know how to protect themselves. After the curfew, only gang members and the reckless roamed on the streets, playing their never-ending cat and mouse games with the agents in charge.

You thought it was ridiculous, how the government cut off this part of the country and called it rotten and dirty, a lost case. You still remembered when they quarantined the entire city, not caring about the innocent people stuck inside, they merely wished to isolate the most dangerous criminals of the nation. The no way out situation should have made it easier to catch them and in theory it worked great. They just didn't calculate how fast the gangs would take charge and special task forces were required more and more often to stop the chaos. It seemed like some people would have rather burnt the whole city down than to go down alone. One misstep and anyone could die. There were no laws or justice in a place like this. Not anymore. Only power and survival mattered. You had learned that the hard way.

"I told you to stay away," a deep voice sounded from behind you and you gulped a bit nervously, licking your dry lips before turning around. A tall figure stepped out of the shadows but you didn't back away. You knew you didn't need to be afraid of Chanyeol.

"You can't tell me what to do," you retorted and the boy scoffed at you, rolling his eyes, slightly annoyed. There was nothing left from the playfulness emitting from his eyes like when he showed you how to start a car without the key.

"I know but your brother would hate me if I didn't try to keep you out of trouble," he reminded you and the mention of your brother left a bitter taste in your mouth. You remembered his lifeless body on the pavement, blood pouring from his chest, painting the concrete crimson while your screams and cries were muffled into Chanyeol's shirt as he held you, so you wouldn't break apart and fall to pieces in your grief.

"Well, he's dead, so you don't have to worry about that," you bit back a bit more harshly than intended but the loss of your brother was still a fresh wound despite the months that passed since the shooting.

"Doesn't mean I'm not worried about you," Chanyeol said with fire in his dark eyes but it only made you feel momentarily guilty. You turned back to the door without sparing a second glance at the redhead behind you and with quick, skilled fingers you picked the lock, opening the padlock before kicking the back door of the store open. You and your brother used to hang out here a lot with his friends but it had been locked down ever since it became a death scene.

You walked to the basement door, a part of you expecting the lanky boy to follow your inside but he was nowhere to be found when you looked back on. Hah, why was he there and what did he want, you wondered but instead of dwelling over useless things like that, you hurried down to get extra cartridges and some cash from your brother's hidden safe. A girl needed to know how to protect herself in a world like yours after all.

Everything was different before the lock down. You were just a normal girl with normal dreams but then suddenly you were thrown into this game of survival against your will. At first, it all felt surreal and you thought it would be over before you could get used to this but no, that didn't happen. You couldn't even stay out of it no matter how much you wished you had nothing to do with it. Your only mistake was to work a regular cashier job at that exact shop where a dealer was killed and you accidentally saw it. Your brother decided to learn to shoot to be able to protect you and it turned out some of his friends had already had his own connections to the underworld of Neo Seoul. Soon, the chatty movie session turned into shooting practices, fist fights and it all spiralled down. There was no way back to normal.

Not after you saw your brother getting shot for a debt worth only a few bags of rice.

You locked yourself up for weeks, not speaking with anyone, not opening the door to anyone, willing to give it up until the spark of survival instinct pushed you forward. You needed to live in order to avenge your brother. You needed to figure out who gave the order and who pulled the trigger and wanted them dead. An eye for an eye. It was a brutal world after all.

You shoved the ammo and money into your bag, put it on and was ready to leave already. A quick 5 minute job. Chanyeol was worried about nothing.

Stepping out onto the streets that were eerily quiet at first, you looked at the neon lights coming from the main road and decided to take a detour. By passing the garbage on the streets you went from alcove to alcove and waited by fire stairs when you heard noises around you. You learned to be careful, careful enough to get the rundown place you called home safe and sound, knowing fully well that something was off.

Your hands hovered over the light switch and looked around in the dimly lit room, moonlight and neon colours filtered through the blinds. You closed the door three times, not two, you always did, so that meant that someone had either been there or was still inside.

You pulled your gun - used to be your brother's - out from your belt and pointed straight at the source of the noise when the old wooden floor creaked. You pressed on the switch, then suddenly light filled the room and your finger trembled over the trigger.

"What a way to greet an old friend," the boy dared to smirk at you, so sure of himself that you wouldn't shoot him.

Old friend, he said, but it was ironic because he was never a friend. He was the black sheep of the group. He was the silent force. He was only a friend of a friend.

He came with Chanyeol, like a package, and the elder being your brother's best friend, you knew him too. Cross that, you knew of him but you never knew him, not really. He was that kind of mysterious kid who nobody really knew. He was the whiskey on the top of your tongue after a wild night though. He was the mischief in staying out after curfew. He was the lighter and you were the match.

"Where were you?" you asked him firmly, not lowering the gun.

"Around. Heard you didn't want company and disappeared. Yeol couldn't shut up about you," the midnight black haired boy's voice was half amusement, half annoyance but you could at least tell that it was a lie. He didn't find it funny.

"Then why are you here now?" you kept on the interrogation. He disappeared too right after your brother died, he was the only one out of your friends' group who didn't even show up at the funeral or whatever you were allowed to have under the circumstances.

"Because I have info you might be interested in," he tilted his head, almost a challenge and that was what he had always been. Oh Sehun was still a mystery to you, after all these years.

You sighed and lowered the gun, closing the door behind you after toeing off your shoes. Not that you thought Sehun would actually hurt, you just… you were wary of everybody these days. It was better this way: better safe than sorry, your brother would have been proud.

“So… what is it? What’s so important you sneaked in so late instead of knocking on my door like any decent person would have?” you huffed, grabbing two beers from your small, almost empty fridge and throwing one can at the boy towering in your living room before sinking deep into your cozy, worn out couch.

“You wouldn’t have opened the door to any decent person,” Sehun scoffed at you, knowing too well and bobbed his head towards you in appreciation for the cold beverage. He took his time sitting down and playing on your nerves. He wasn’t wrong though.

You gritted your teeth, taking a sip of your cheap beer, trying to be nonchalant. As if you didn’t notice the scar on his cheek or that his jacket was a bit worn. It looked like he had a rough few weeks behind him.

“I asked around to figure out who wanted Jihoon dead,” the boy spoke up eventually and you flinched at your brother’s name. You sucked in a breath, eyes finding Sehun’s above your drink. “Have you ever heard of the organization named CBX?”

“They have that casino downtown, don’t they?” you furrowed your brows, trying to remember why the abbreviation sounded so familiar. Sehun hummed.

“They do have a casino but they have lots of other underground business. Chicken and dog fights, drug dealing, stolen goods, anything you can illegally trade with,” he said and you shouldn’t have been surprised to hear about it. A casino being the cover business for such things was almost too predictable but now these gangs didn’t even want to hide. “They gamble with lives too and they provide loans for desperate ones. So my guess is that Jihoon got on their bad side.”

You have been trying to figure out what was behind the shooting that came from an unidentified grey van but you couldn’t go anywhere. You didn’t even know that Jihoon was in debt and that he owed to gang members, it was Chanyeol who told you but he said he didn’t know whom exactly he had connections with. You didn’t know how Sehun figured this out, or how much he knew but you didn’t want him to get involved because of you. You had enough of people sacrificing themselves for you. Your brother was enough, no wonder you cut ties with everybody after his death. A lonely life wasn’t the best but it was better than the guilt.

“Okay, how good that guess is?” you gulped down your bitterness.

“Pretty good but you can't bring them down alone, don’t even think about it," Sehun told you and his worried tone was laughable. As if it wasn’t him with whom you were almost caught by the agents for staying out after curfew.

"Watch me," you rolled your eyes at him, standing up from your place on the couch and turning your back to him. “I guess you know where the exit is,” you said with a strong hint in your voice, indicating that you wanted him gone soon. But Sehun wasn’t one to take commands well.

“Yah, don’t be stupid,” he grabbed on your wrist stopping you but you didn’t have any of it.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you snapped at him, yanking your arm out of his grip. A sudden flare of anger flashed through you as you whipped your head around him. “I’m not fucking twenty years old anymore who was stupid enough to fall in love with you just because you spared a glance at me.”

Only silence followed your remark and you could see the surprise in the boy’s dark eyes. He didn’t expect that kind of answer. Maybe he didn’t expect you to bring up your mistake by yourself. It was your fault, being young and foolish, falling for the mysterious bad boy-type of guy just because he was considerate with you. But confessing on a drinking night, lips still sweet from the melon vodka you just had was just as silly as your feelings themselves. Of course, Sehun started avoiding you then. You weren’t going to make another mistake like that: naive and reckless.

“Just… be careful,” the boy said in the end, voice resigned as he backed away, opening the door for himself. There was something haunting in his eyes, something like regret but you refused to think about it as you slid down by the wall, hiding your face into your hands.

With the information you had gotten, you started investigating, collecting articles, wanted posters, anything connected to the CBX and it seemed like they indeed had their hands in many nasty things but nobody wanted to talk about them, probably they were too afraid to. So you didn’t really have much of a choice, you had to see the place for yourself and ask around.

It was actually easier than expected. They didn’t even check you at the casino’s entrance, they didn’t ask for your ID or bank account when you exchanged cash for tokens, they just let you in. No wonder there were all kinds of people there and all kinds of games too the deeper you went inside, following tips of players. It was some kind of sin dungeon with all sorts of illegal stuff some you wished to forget you even saw.

“Are you lost, little girl?” A guy with Chesire smile walked into your vision, his eyes mischievous and not promising any good. He came closer than you would have preferred but you didn’t want to draw attention by pulling out your gun so soon.

“No. Actually I’m looking for someone,” you said, confident and willing yourself to not to grimace at the alcohol smell coming from the guy. “I heard there’s someone lending out loans here.”

This was your best bet. If they could lead you to the guy handling debts here, you could see if he reacted to your brother’s name but first, you had to find him. The Chesire cat smile guy seemed giddy at the mention though, so you were hopeful.

“Oooh... Xiumin? His office is at the end of the corridor,” he pointed at a black painted door and when you pulled away, your steps leading you to said door, the guy yelled after you, laughing. “Have fun!”

His voice creeped you out and you basically felt his following gaze on your back until you reached the unmarked door and knocked three times.

The guy who opened it wore a loose dress shirt, cigarette hanging from his lips and he blew the smoke into your face.

“So… you’re here for money? How much?” he asked straightforwardly as soon as you stepped into his office, taking a seat on the sofa he showed you. There were several safes in the room probably filled with gold and cash but in reality, you didn’t care. You just wanted to meet the man who provided Jihoon.

“Five million,” you blurted out the first number you could think of but Xiumin looked at you suspiciously.

“That’s a lot,” he noted in a calm but warning manner. It wasn’t a no though, so you pressed further.

“I heard you’re the only one to provide enough for that.”

Now that seemed to interest the guy, he took another big inhale from his cigarette while not taking his eyes off you and mumbled: “Who told you that?”

“P.O,” you told him your brother’s nickname but the guy didn’t show any signs of knowing who he was. He didn’t question you about who he was though, so he probably had an idea of his own. You were almost sure it wasn’t enough to convince him to give you that much money, so you weren’t surprised when he asked for insurance.

“What’s the collateral? How will you make sure I get my money back?” The loan shark leaned back in his chair casually, fingertips rubbing against each other while you had to come up with a believable excuse for you to need that much money.

“I need this to get my store running again, if it happens, I will be able to pay even for the interest,” you claimed but it didn’t seem to be enough as the guy merely shook his head.

“Not many businesses survive in Neo Seoul these days. You need to give me a better reason.”

His arrogance annoyed you because you couldn’t figure out anything like this and you weren’t about to sell your soul for five million you didn’t need anyways.

“If you don’t want to give me a loan, just say so. Looks like I’m wasting my time here,” you hissed and stood up, ready to leave hastily.

“You are brave for coming here after what happened to your brother,” Xiumin’s retort was however enough to stop you mid-action. “Don’t you think it’s selfish of you to ask for more money when your dear friend paid back what your brother owed me just to protect you?”

“So you admit you killed him?”

“Me? That wouldn’t have been worth it for me. I needed him alive to get my money back,” the guy lifted his hands in a defensive manner, somewhat amused by your groundless accusation as if you were a child getting ahead of yourself. Your hands turned into fists from the anger bubbling up in you. Because if it wasn’t him then who was it? And why? And who was that friend that paid for the debt? You didn’t even think of it but the loan shark probably sent him men to collect the money after your brother died. Who stopped them before they could have gotten to you?

The last one was suddenly all too obvious: Chanyeol.

It wasn't hard to find him at all. He still lived in that camping car he had been driving around since he was 19 and you knew his favourite parking spots by heart. You repeatedly hit on its door, calling his name but all you had met with were echoes of the metal clashing. You gave up with a huff but when you turned around, there he was crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Are you looking for me?" he raised a brow and you immediately hit on his chest.

"How dare you go behind my back and pay back Jihoon's debt without telling me?"

Chanyeol let you use him as a punchbag until your anger subsided, knowing too well that it was about your trust and not the money. When your shoulders eventually fell, he put his hands over your fist, his warm skin soothing you.

"I'll tell you everything," he promised and pulled you inside his trailer, sitting you down on his bed. He made sure you paid attention before he started speaking, telling you how Jihoon had been acting weird before his death, a bit off. He didn’t want to speculate anything and upset you for nothing in case he was wrong, especially after his best friend died. So he took it upon himself to sell a few of his precious old records and pay off your brother’s loan that he had taken to keep your place even after rents had gone up. He hadn’t told you because he didn’t want to burden you, especially after you had shut everyone out.

“Okay, now tell me how you figured it out,” Chanyeol looked at you expectantly and in exchange for everything he had just told you, you knew he deserved at least that much, so you let him know about your visit in the casino. You saw him get tense at the mention of the gambling den and that you talked with the loan shark but he stayed silent even when you finished.

“I’m not a little girl needing protection anymore,” you reminded him because he kept treating you like you were a child just because you had been his best friend’s little sister. Chanyeol looked at you as if you hit him with those words.

“I know and I miss the girl you were,” he said firmly, voice raspy and stretchy as he looked over at you. Despite the word miss and what that could have implied, his tone missed fondness. You raised your chin slightly and scoffed at the ridiculous claim.

“Many will. She was easier to kill,” you agreed and got up from the worn material of the bed. What was there to miss? Your naivety? You quickly made your way out of Chanyeol’s car and only faltered when he called out your name, his tone resigned.

“They killed him because they think Jihoon had been reporting to government agents,” he called after you, voice dissolving in the windy air but it still punched every bit of oxygen out of your lungs. Breathing suddenly became harder and hiding behind brick fall, you put your trembling hands in front of your mouth.

So Jihoon did die because of you after all...

It all started about a year ago. You had been sneaking out regularly by then, sometimes to meet Sehun in dark alleys, riding on his bike behind him or just by yourself for the adrenaline or for fresh air, away from your brother’s protective eyes. Maybe if he was there with you, if you had called Sehun that day, this all wouldn’t have happened. But you were out of luck, cornered by four patrolling agents. Since it had been your first offence, they had been easy on you, offering you a deal: information for safety, so you were one of their eyes on the inside, letting them know about everything you heard or saw. It had been your little secret and now it killed a man.

You knew you had to act quickly because if the gang was willing to kill a man for your sins, your life was in an even bigger danger than you realized. You were only safe until they didn't know, so you had to be extra careful from now on. Or you had to make sure they couldn't touch you. So maybe your plan was made on the whim, maybe it was a leap of faith but you wanted these assholes to pay for what they had done… in one way or another. So you made a plan overnight. You admitted it wasn't your most secure and foolproof one but it was a plan nevertheless and if everything worked out, this CBX organisation would go down which was exactly what you wanted.

You activated your aurec - a specific type of audio recorder which also functioned as a tracker using GPS coordinates - and thread it onto your necklace, hiding it under your clothes, securing your gun under your leather jacket and stepped out to the streets of Neo Seoul, heading straight for the casino just before nightfall. You were about to act like you came back for that loan you had previously discussed with Xiumin as well but in reality you still had no intention of actually doing anything with their dirty money, you just needed proof or at least a good enough reason for the agents to cut this business off. It went almost too easily: asking around and having people tell you about the drugs they had brought here, the deals they made, the things they had seen. You were sure it added up to enough sin to put the leaders behind the bars for a long while.

But of course, it was suspicious - how easy it was. You knew you should have been more careful when asking around about your brother, whether anyone had heard of him. You should have left until you could when people started whispering behind your back but you were determined and high on adrenaline, so you only noticed the two guys watching you when it was already too late. You had nowhere to run then and then the whole world went dark.

It felt like waking from a very long and absurd dream. You had been running in a white dress and two wolves had been chasing you but neither the dress nor the animals were anywhere when you opened your eyes, so you were sure they drugged you with something. It was still hard to concentrate. You shook your head, looking around but when you tried to move you realised you were tied in place in a windowless, dark room, facing a man on a high chair.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," he singsonged tilting his head as his gaze roamed over your body. "Oh, don't look at me like that. It's like you want to kill me which is funny because it's you who came spying to my place. I should be the angry one."

"This place is a cesspit," you spat at which the guy let out a laughter.

"Hah, you have some nerve calling my place like that. I'm a businessman, you know, I just give people what they want. Not my fault that they make morally wrong decisions," he shrugged and even though there was some logic in what he said, it didn't give him the right to act like an almighty. Not to mention you couldn’t care less about the gambling, the drugs or whatever. But killing people was wrong on so many levels, so you gritted your teeth.

"Do you call murder a business decision as well?" you raised a brow and you knew you were too reckless for your own good, but at this point you didn't care about your well-being. You had been caught and you were alone, your gun on the desk in front of the gang leader. Though if he wanted to kill you, he could have done so easily. Why go through the trouble of capturing you and entertaining you with small talk like this? He must have wanted something from you.

"Oh, is it about your brother? Do you still think it was my fault?" the guy laughed again, condescendingly. Then shrugged. "I don't care about nobodies like him. Sure, he owed Xiumin but a lot of other people do."

You furrowed your brows. Why did he talk like he didn't know about the informer? Was Chanyeol's info wrong?

The guy stood up hence your blood rate increased, fear injected in your veins the closer he got. From this close you could see the dangling piece of earring he wore, the scar under his eyes and the smirk on his face. He took a hold of your chin, turning your face towards him as if pondering over something while you formed fists out of your hands, ready to do something stupid when the door opened bringing the sound of chaos from outside.

"Baekhyun, we are attacked," said the tall, tanned guy whom you had seen getting high the last time. At that, the gang leader in front of you turned his head towards him slowly, disinterested and eventually he let go of you. You felt relief rush through you as you thought the tracker idea indeed worked.

"By whom?" he asked, lazily scrolling through the room and got hold of your gun. Your brother's gun. It would be ironic to die by that. Ironic but maybe fair if Jihoon really died because of you.

"We're not sure. Just some guys. They have smoke bombs and destroy everything they see," the guy explained and suddenly your earlier relief was gone. So weren't the agents coming to get you? Then was it another gang? Hell, did you really get stuck between two?

"Then stop them for god's sake. What are the others doing?" Baekhyun rolled his eyes but the other stood at the door a bit anxiously.

"Chen is too drunk out of his mind and Xiumin is off to do some deals. D.O refused to stop the chicken fight."

"Those imbeciles. I can't believe I have to do everything on my own," the leader scoffed and was ready to leave but at the doorstep he looked back at you with a smirk in the corner of his mouth. "And Kai, make sure she doesn't get out. She might cause trouble for us."

Kai averted his gaze to you with an amused expression on his model-like face and then, closed the door behind himself, leaving you alone in the empty and dark room.

Only a few moments later you smelled something sticky and felt dizzier, absentmindedly realising the effect of the gas that put you in a daze. Like this within the black surroundings, time passed slowly, or at least that was how it felt since you couldn't tell it based on anything. You were also a bit worried about not being found after the random guys managed to bring down the whole building, so you knew you had to get out no matter what. Unfortunately, the ties around your wrists were too tight and you were too weak in that state of yours. Jihoon wouldn’t have been too proud.

You grew anxious at the approaching sounds of footsteps and fight as well, you could only tell that the chaos reached this deep in the multilevel building and you flinched when the door opened once again, light filling the room.

For a moment it blinded you, then narrowing your eyes you had seen two figures but you couldn't tell they were allies or enemies.

"We found her," yelled someone and oh... you knew that voice. The realization made you relax.

It was the one whispering to you on a cold night. It kept you awake, giving you chills. It haunted you when you wanted nothing but forget. It was like a beautiful dawn you could never not miss.

"Sehun?" you whispered, mouth dry and cough as this substance in the air was scratching your throat.

"We'll get you out of here," the boy told you and for a moment you felt safe in his arms. You let yourself enjoy his closeness and care but then you remembered that you wanted, that you needed to warn him, to tell him something but you blacked out again.

Somehow, in the back of your mind, it registered that someone cut through your ties, asked whether you could walk on your own and held your hand. You saw a flash of red, dark eyes and heard people fighting through each other. Your legs led you unconsciously as you ran through a corridor right after Chanyeol while Sehun stayed behind punching the guys trying to stop you. When you turned your eyes at a bright spot from outside, you saw Suho set fire to a pile of money and heard Chanyeol yelling to tell Yixing, he could stop hacking the CCTV even though it seemed like a fever dream.

Why would your friend do something so dangerous for you? Going against a gang by themselves! It was crazy. Especially after how you treated them after Jihoon’s death. But then you heard the sounds of guns and it made you afraid more than anything.

"Shit, the agents," Chanyeol cursed and you wanted to tell him to run, to leave you behind but your tongue was too heavy and you still felt so tired. It made you feel pathetic.

Finally, after what felt like an infinity, you reached the parking lot, and the boy told you to stay still until he jumped onto the hood of this one car there that had somebody inside. You only recognized who when your friend yanked Kai outside of it and knocked him out before helping you sit in the passenger's seat and drive away.

"The others..." You protested weakly but Chanyeol hushed you.

"Don't worry. They will join us soon," he tried to reassure you but it wasn't all too convincing when another swear word fell from his lips and steered the wheel sharply to the right. Apparently you didn't get far this way either and he had to hit the brakes anyways. You forced your eyes open, seeing a row of SWAT cars in front of you, weaponized agents pointing their guns at the car.

You attempted to scream after Chanyeol, to stop him but he got out of the car all too soon, yelling at the government soldiers as if he could have scared them away. It was hopeless, you knew, and tears started prickling your eyes when you saw those men force the guy against the hood of the car, handcuffing him behind his back.

One of the agents helped you get out of the car, gently walking you away as if Chanyeol was a criminal while you were an innocent girl, the irony tasted bitter in your mouth but you were smarter than to try and convince the agents on spot to let him go. You needed to speak with their commander, the one you were reporting for. But you couldn't put your friends' lives into his hands, you needed a plan B.

You acted as if your legs were wobbly, stumbling a bit and the agent kindly helped you find your balance again but this way you got close enough to Chanyeol, to drop your aurec into his hands, hoping that he would get the memo and keep it safe and hidden.

You were taken into a hospital on the border of Neo Seoul where the agents were stationed and after the doctors advised you some rest, you were discharged the next morning. Your first visit led you to Commander Lim, demanding an explanation.

"Thank you for all your help. Without you, we couldn't take them down so easily," he bobbed his head in appreciation towards you, offering you a cigarette too since he was about to light one for himself.

"But there were innocents there too," you tried to reason without sounding desperate. You needed to know whether they got everybody there or at least what happened to your friends.

"Innocents? Do you think anyone who goes to such places can be innocent? Don't worry our jurisdiction system will make a difference between those who gave themselves up and not resented, those who had weapons with them or if they had previously committed crimes," the man said taking a long inhale from the smoke then nodded towards a box on his desk. "Your reward. For your help. Although next time try not to do something risky like this without heads up. I almost couldn't form a unit in time."

You pressed your lips together, looking at the money in disdain even though you knew you needed it if you needed to get your friends out.

"You got everyone?" you questioned, holding your breath back which was followed by a hum from the agent.

"Byun Baekhyun got away but we captured all the other known criminals," he told you and you swore under your breath which didn't go unnoticed by the man. He squinted at you. "Do not fret about him. We will find him soon, too."

You nodded, as if that was your biggest concern and when he asked about your aurec, you told him you lost it while you were inside the casino, before all hell had broken loose. Then you were excused and you knew that you needed to take matters into your own hands.

However, Byun Baekhyun's vengeance came earlier than expected and he found you faster that you could have searched for him at all. The moment you got back to your rundown apartment with shitty security apparently, he was already there, sitting by your living room table as if he was over for a casual chit-chat. Except that the smirk in the corner of his mouth didn't seem kind nor his actions were too promising. A lighter twitched in his pale fingers, its flame's reflection flickered in his dark orbs. Click- click. Burn or not to burn.

"So it was you," he spoke out, voice amused and he even had it in him to let out a bitter laugh. "Wouldn't have thought so no matter your fierceness," he scoffed but despite his easy-going attitude you were careful. Sometimes people like him were the most unpredictable, hence the most dangerous ones. After all, somehow he ended up being the most sly person in his gang, even getting away when the agents captured everybody else.

"What do you want?" you kept a close eye on him, waiting for him to snap and attack you but Baekhyun was like a lazy predator, slowly driving you crazy in the tingling familiar feeling of fear. You told yourself you weren't afraid of death, not if you avenged your brother, but if you died now, there would be nobody to free Chanyeol, Sehun and the others.

"Isn't it obvious? I want back what was mine. But most of all, my money and my men. A few at least," he grimaced before something dangerous flashed in his eyes as he looked over you. "Why us? There are so many other gangs in Neo Seoul, what do you have against us? It's not like you're perfect morally, so I bet we were targeted on purpose."

The fact that he had to ask you made your blood boil. Sure, he must have had too much blood on his hands to keep track of the lost souls but it only angered you more. You wished he was rather tortured and haunted by those he murdered.

"Are you kidding me? You killed my brother!" you snapped at him but you only received an eyeroll to that. How dared he?

"I have already told you that it wasn't us. Where did you get that shit info?" the gang leader spat and seeing your disbelief written clearly on your face, he sighed. "Stupid. There are so many people out there wanting to see me out of the picture, of course they would tell you that. Next time do you research better, little girl."

For the first time, you considered that he was telling the truth. Why would he have denied something like that? He seriously didn't seem to get why he was targeted and if he knew about your brother, he would have probably guessed if it was really him. Right? It wasn't like he was afraid of you, he had no reason for it. Out of the two of you, it was him with a lighter in his hands in the middle of your apartment. But he was alone, just like you. Maybe he needed you just as much as you needed someone who was familiar in the underworld.

"If I help you get out your men, will you help me find out who killed Jihoon?" you proposed with a raise of brow. Though, you hated even the idea of working together with a gangster like him but you realized that this was your best chance. You might have had money and wits but you didn't have connections and enough resources to do anything.

"Is it that important for you that you would trust me on it?" The man tilted his head, watching you closely, probably thinking there was some kind of trick up in your sleeves. But it was about your brother and your friends, so you nodded firmly.

"I would even make a deal with the devil."

"Well, I'm close enough," Baekhyun smirked and hummed. "But only if you actually turn out to be useful and not just be in the way. What can you offer at all?"

It was obvious he doubted you just as much as you doubted him. At least you were on equal grounds based on your trustworthiness. But first, you wanted him to say it, even if his word meant nothing in the end.

"Do you promise to help me?"

"What? Do you need a blood oath or something," the man scoffed, rolling his eyes at you but seeing your determination, he gave up the childish fight first. "Yes, I promise. Now satisfied?"

You nodded and pulled up a city map hologram over your coffee table, pointing at the agent base on the eastern side of the city.

"They keep them locked down for now. There's no way we can get in and out without getting caught but I can find out when they will be moved out of the city. I also know a way to find them but we need someone who can hack aurecs," you explained and Baekhyun seemed seemingly impressed by the technology you had in your shabby apartment. He probably wouldn't have guessed that either.

"That's no problem, I have friends who can deal with that."

"And we get out my friends as well. Then they can tell you who it was who gave the false info to end your gang on purpose. How does that sound?" You looked the man in the eye, hoping he intended to keep his side of the promise as well.

"Satisfying, I have to admit," the gang leader hummed, putting out the flame in the lighter. and got up, pulling his hoodie over his head. "Get the info then and use this burner phone to text me when you have it," he threw his phone at you after resetting it, saving only one number in its contacts.

Then he was gone without traces left behind, like smoke.

Luckily you didn't have to try too hard to get the info. Commander Lim himself told you that soon those who were responsible for your brother's death would end up in the nation's most secure jail. The relief on your face was probably interpreted as happiness over this fact while your hands were itching to text Baekhyun who called you over to some PC room. It turned out, his hacker friend who hastily introduced himself as Taemin while typing furiously on the keyboard was frequent there. You were in awe how easily he hacked the small device to switch on and start signalling its location, giving you an exact position of your friends. You had seen the eight suspects they planned to move together and there were all your friends alongside the criminals called Xiumin, Chen, Kai and D.O.

You anxiously waited for the point on the map to move but it seemed to be as still as a rock until Baekhyun was convinced they had already gotten rid of the aurec and encouraged Taemin to try to hack into the government's system. However, the moment the curfew time arrived, the flashing red dot changed its location and kept moving forward.

"Finally," the man grunted, standing up and he threw something into your lap. Only looking down you recognized your brother's gun. "Let's go," he nodded at you and you didn't hesitate to follow him to the parking lot. You were both already dressed up as government agents, their black uniform consisting of bulletproof vests and helmet since you planned to hijack the moving van before it could have reached the border.

The streets were mostly empty and dark, only the neon lights lighting up the way and your heart was beating so loud and so fast, you didn't quite believe you were doing this: you willingly helped a criminal save his comrades just so you could also save your friends. But you knew that the law was never kind to people in Neo Seoul.

It took you thirty minutes of drive to get ahead of the van approaching the northern gate and seeing the red dot coming closer in rapid speed, Baekhyun gave out the command: "Taemin, now."

"And 3... 2... 1... You are on their frequency, " the guy told them and the gang leader lifting the walkie talkie to his mouth. "Here's NS3351-GK speaking. There's a change of plan. Information has been leaked. Your car model and licence plate number are on the public network. It's an emergency. Do you understand, comrade?"

For a moment there was silence and you weren't sure they bought it even though even the code number you gave to Baekhyun was right. Then the system let out a creaky sound.

"Here's NS5672-LE speaking. We understood, sir. What's the change of plan?" the agent asked and you sighed in relief. Good, things were going according to the plan.

"There's a black van waiting for you at the 34th exit. Licence plate number: 3-7-5 수 5-2-2-0. Transfer the captives and continue your path," Baekhyun gave out the orders and there was a smirk in the corner in his mouth when you indeed saw the car take the right turn on the map. Both of you put on the helmets and saluted to the agents who arrived. Seeing your friends with scars across their faces you didn't even want to think of them getting beaten up for claiming they weren't gang members and instead focused on your role. You stayed in your seat, hand on your gun, watching the agents while Baekhyun got out to help one of the agents to get the handcuffed men into your men. Obviously they weren't too happy about being dragged back and forth but they had no choice.

Once everybody was in your car, you saluted the agents and separately, you headed towards the closest exit out of the city. Taemin also hacked the gate guards’ system, letting them know of the arriving van and their passengers, sending them the modified written order through hologram, hence you weren't surprised by the green light you got as you approached the gates. More salutes and then before you could even believe it, you had already left Neo Seoul behind.

It was too good to be true. You dreamed of leaving the city even since all this shit started but you wouldn't have thought it would be this easy. Sure, it wouldn't have happened without becoming a criminal yourself but at least you were free. Relatively.

Once you were far enough for the quarantined town, Baekhyun pulled the van aside and both of you got out, rounding the van, opening the back door. Eight pairs of eyes looked at you and watched with their breath held back as the two of you pulled your helmets off. It was Chanyeol who spoke up first, calling your name, calling you crazy and it was so familiar, his scolding that made you let out a chuckle.

"I told you I didn't need your help," you shrugged your shoulder, trying to play it cool while you stumbled to find the right keys for each handcuff. You knew that probably your friends felt just as conflicted now as you were when they had come for your rescue in the casino.

“How could you expect us not to help?” Yixing scoffed and you gave him a pointed look.

“Then how do you expect me to not help you?” you asked and reciprocated Suho’s hug once his hands were free.

It was a mess really, you didn’t even pay attention to Baekhyun and his gang already getting away by the time you got to Sehun at the end of the row. You didn’t look at him, instead you focused on his hands, the scars the handcuff left on his wrists and you tried to be gentle as you put the key in the lock but before you could have opened the metal cage around his hands, he shifted them to put his palms over your hands. It confused you, so you looked up on instinct, ready to ask him what he was doing but the look in the boy’s eyes made you go speechless.

His always dark eyes now had even more depth. It felt like looking into a tunnel with no end, up to the night sky with million stars, into his soul with all its secrets and shouldn’t haves. You suddenly remembered his porch, his kiss burning on your lips, calling it a mistake. You remember how much it hurt and yet you couldn’t forget him nor stop this yearning. Maybe it was exactly what went on inside Sehun’s head as well since you both almost lost each other in the matter of days and now even though everything was still so uncertain, at least he was there in flesh, real and tangible.

So when he leaned forward, you called your eyes on instinct and hummed into his bruising kiss not caring about the ones the handcuff stuck between the two of you left. You reached a hand to Sehun’s wounded cheek and caressed it while pulling him closer, needing him like you needed air and your friends’ snickering faded into the background as your heart finally found its pair in this crazy monster like world.

#exo scenarios #exo imagines #exo x reader #exo x y/n #sehun x reader #stories

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un-beel-lievable · 4 years

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Obey Me characters as Billie Eilish songs

Why did I do this. Idk some of them are great and some of them are okay (in terms of how well they fit the characters. Don’t come for me I was bored and this seemed like a good idea ten minutes ago. Also SPOILER WARNING.

Lucifer - “All The Good Girls Go To Hell”

I believe I am required by law to choose this song for him bc she legitimately sings his name in the lyrics lmao

It’s kinda self explanatory in my book. She sings about the pearly gates being more like a picket fence, meaning they’re more like a prison.

Also the MV for the song is literally an angel falling out of the sky and becoming a demon so

Mammon- “Hostage”

This is a song about someone who wants to keep someone’s attention all for themselves. Sound familiar? They seem desperate to keep the person

I mean this is a more extreme case of that but you can see the yandere potential lmao

Plus she makes a lot of references to gold in the second verse and ya boy loves gold

Leviathan- “When I Was Older”

So this isn’t SUPER relevant to him as a character and I’ll be the first to admit that

BUT there are several lines speaking about water and the sea, something Leviathan (the actual creature and our boy) are connected to

Idk she says best of friends in the lyrics and I couldn’t help but think of all the times Levi’s referenced MC being his Henry a.k.a his best friend

Satan- “Come Out And Play” AND “Bury A Friend”

Okay so he has two bc I was having trouble deciding between soft and scary?

The way that I interpret the song Come Out And Play is someone who is coaxing someone else to come out of their shell and show their emotions which I feel is a big part of Satan’s character

But on the other hand you have Bury A Friend which I could see as Satan’s wrath and him questioning why MC isn’t afraid of him when he is literally SATAN

Asmodeus- “Bitches Broken Hearts”

So this was a bit more challenging (terms of finding a good song) bc Billie isn’t really known for having songs about being a hoe lmao

But this song has this sensual lo-fi sound that I really vibe with

And I kinda see the song from the perspective of Asmodeus who fell in love with someone (MC?) and had his heart broken? I mean you could probably make it vice versa but who knows I’m a moron moving on

Beelzebub- “Ilomilo”

I can’t express how much I love this song and especially how much I love this song for Beel specifically.

Now at face value this song may seem ill-fitting for him but she sings about not wanting to be lonely, and hoping someone she loves will come home and wanting to protect them

Idk it seems nice for him. Plus I think it’s kind of a funny juxtaposition how light and pretty the song sounds when Beel is such a LORGE

Belphegor- “Lovely” AND “Six Feet Under”

Okay so to me the main song of the two that works best is Lovely

Lovely has lines that say “I hope some day I’ll make it out of here” (and I’m connecting that to him being locked up duh) But it also talks about someone who is lonely and who’s heart has become cold

Six feet under isn’t THAT great for him but it��s like SUPER emo and I feel like it would be a good song for Belphie x MC or sumn idk

Lillith- “Listen Before I Go”

Look if you have ever even heard this song one time you should know why I picked it

It’s sung from the perspective of someone who is dying in someone else’s arms like,,, and saying she wants to be taken to the rooftop so she can see the world one last time

Super sad, super good 10/10 this was one of the easiest ones for me to do

Diavolo-”You Should See Me In A Crown”

Okay so i feel like I should preface that the undateables is where the crack jumped out. That is to say, I didn’t have as strong of an argument for why these songs should go with these characters

Anyway this song is a bit more on the obvious side. Diavolo is the prince and will one day become the king of the Devildom sooo check him in that crown u know what I’m sayin

Barbatos- “Goodbye”

Is it a cop out to give him a song that’s this short?? Idk I was having trouble with him, mostly because we don’t know much about him, unfortunately

But I gave this to him bc Goodbye is the last song on the album “When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go” and basically (in reverse order) goes back through and references all the songs on the album and idk that made me think time travel??? Who the hell knows at this point

Solomon- “My Boy”

So I had the same issue with Solomon as Barbatos? But at least I was able to make a couple of connections lyrics-wise?

She sings about how her boy is being shady and sus lmao that’s pretty much it. Give it a listen and see what you think

Simeon- “Ocean Eyes”

So AGAIN, not much info on him. But what I DO know about him is that he is an angel with beautiful blue eyes lmao

So obviously she sings about ocean colored eyes but she also sings the line ‘I’ve never fallen from quite this high.’ and idk high up? Fall? Heaven? Just kill me

Luke- “Xanny”

LMAO LET ME EXPLAIN

This is one of her few songs that isn’t about relationships and it’s about condemning drug and alcohol abuse and how people at parties always smoke and drink and that is also 10000% something Luke is against so here ya go leave me alone

MC- “I Love You” AND “No Time To Die” AND “Everything I Wanted”

Okay so I was listening to Billie’s songs and SO many of them were good for MC (and it’s especially hard bc MC is a different character for everyone)

In the case of “I Love You”, the song is about someone who confessed their feelings to the singer and the singer seems to not feel the same way (or at least they wish they weren’t being confessed to in that moment) and I kept getting this vision of one of the brothers (that MC is NOT in love with) confessing. Or it’s because they love more than one brother and they don’t know what to do. That or it’s when they confess and she knows she has to leave the next day. She says “I love you, and I don’t want to” BIG sad

For “No Time To Die” I kept seeing it as MC when she saw herself killed by Belphie. I mean tbh the lyrics are perfect for that specific scenario (’was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help?’...’fool me once, fool me twice, are you death or paradise?’) but not really any other which is why I didn’t really want it to be the ONLY song MC had

“Everything I Wanted” has to be the least related of the three but this is my list damn it so here we go. She sings things like “Everybody wants something from me now and I don’t wanna let ‘em down.’ Eh, give it a listen and see if you can hear a connection

(So anyway this was a trainwreck of a post but it is an UNGODLY hour in the A.M. so just roll with me)

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smolie · 4 years

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in december i wrote a 2020 year music review for myself that i intended to post here BUT...because i was infamously restricted twice last year, i didn’t bother since you wouldn’t be able to read it anyway because it was not possible to view my blog hjfdhfd

now that my restricted era is (hopefully forever) over i just want to post it here for the sake of completion since i want to do the same thing this year

this is really long so if you actually read it ... idk you are insane in the membrane and i love you... but i genuinely don’t expect anyone to read this hjfdhjf i just like reflecting on the music i have listened to and be able to look back on what i enjoyed in certain stages of my life! okiiii bye 💗

january

mac miller - circles (album) it’s a bit funny that i worried putting my thoughts down about this album and now it turns out to be first on the list, chronologically of course … oh bittersweet irony </3 listening to this album is such a double edged sword, either way i am always hit with a truckload of feelings when i turn to this release.

this album came to me in a time of my life where i was slowly but surely sliding down towards rock bottom again just after i got out of it and thought i was okay. the times i’ve listened to this crying in the bathtub with a glass of wine….girl let’s not lol…. it’s almost strange how much i can relate to the thoughts another person brought to paper. the comfort this album brings me is otherworldly, i feel so understood by mac’s words and it’s my go-to “wallow in self-pity for a bit then come out stronger than before” album. then again, i feel a little sting when any of mac’s songs come on shuffle. a friend of mine said she cannot listen to artists who have passed because it feels too strange and most of the time i agree but this time, it’s so so different. this album would have been mac’s salvation, i can feel it. everything would have been a bit brighter and lighter for him after this, it would have had to be. i feel like i would do him a disservice if i did not listen to this album, so i will cherish this final gift from him as his legacy and my comfort. i miss him incredibly and am all the more thankful he shared his heart with us.

album favs: circles, good news, surf

tiny meat gang - broke bitch (single) MAN I TELL THAT BROKE BITCH IF YOU WANNA GET IN TUNE BETTER CHANGE YOUR WHOLE PITCH LIKE WOAH !!!!!!!!!! did that give you whiplash? hehe funny to say this about a song called broke bitch by a duo called tiny meat gang but this song actually means a lot to me! it came out shortly before their show in berlin and i almost exclusively listened to it on my 7+ hours train ride from one side of the country to the other to see my meat boys. this played out of the fat ass speakers at the venue when they stepped on the stage and i will never forget meeting them :’) also the song fucking slaps obviously

february

loona - [#] (mini album) ah yes, the most controversial loona release to date! i’m not gonna lie and say this sounded anything like i expected it to. but also, i have come to terms with the fact that loona release noise music now and personally i am here for it. why not did not have the endless energy of hi high or otherworldly vibe of butterfly, but it’s a hype song and i am always there for hype. i also have to say the b-sides were not as strong for me as on previous releases but i think i have to come to peace with the fact that loona will never top their debut mini for me. though if i can wish for one thing…… let loona have title tracks with a chorus in 2021? pls? crumbs?

album favs: so what, oh (yes i am)

tame impala - the slow rush (album) *lights cigarette* i’m listening to pretty underground music….i don’t think you’ve heard of this band….they are called tame impala *intro of the less i know the better starts playing* yes i am a basic white bitch and listen to like 3 alternative bands but damn i listen to them religiously. like any other basic bitch on this planet i found out about tame impala through the less i know the better and checked out their music. i wasn’t too much into this album as i was into currents but towards the end of the year, i was in a moody alternative music slump that took me back to this album and i like it a lot more now! most importantly, tame impala fulfills my primitive urge to listen to songs that exceed the 4 minute mark. something clicks in my brain when i see a song that is like 6:34 and chances that it ends up as one of my faves on a album are high. i enjoy tiktok like everyone else but this trend of 2:50 long songs needs to be stopped immediately.

album favs: borderline, lost in yesterday, it might be time, is it true, posthumous forgiveness

honorary mentions: onlyoneof - dOra maar, everglow - dundun

march

nct 127 - neo zone (album) ah, yes. the album that fundamentally changed me as a person <3 i’ve been listening to nct for a while, matter of fact i checked my top tracks 2019 playlist on spotify and cherry bomb was on there lol. i remember trying to get into them in 2018 when they released their regular-irregular album but the endless member & unit concept scared me off, so i only listened to a handful of songs without looking into them march 2020, the fateful month in which they released kick it and screencaps of jaehyun’s sexy ass tiddies in the kick it mv landed on my tumblr or twitter and i HAD to look up who this man is…...remember when i thought jaehyun was my ult for like, 2 weeks? me neither, johnny suh only in this house <3

anyway, i checked out this album and by god, is this pure kpop perfection. last time i listened to a god tier no skip album like this was … maybe the perfect red velvet? hype songs, well crafted ballads, love songs that make me wanna learn the lyrics, genuinely fun and interesting pop songs, this album has it all. somehow, the way this album is crafted greatly reminds me of brown eyed girls’ sound-g, it has the same vibe, concept and mix of genres to me, i’m not entirely sure how to explain. anyway, this album is one of my favorites of all time and even though i’ve obsessively listened to it (lastfm says 1.4k scrobbles as of today, december 7th…) i am still not tired of this. i recommend this to anyone who loves kpop tbh, you will have a good time with this!

other than being just a musically solid album, the emotional ties i have with this are …. isabel stop making albums your emotional support 2021 challenge. i’ve listened to this release all spring lockdown, this basically played at every waking hour for all of march and april. the promotion time of this era and lockdown are deeply intertwined for me and so i am always remembered of all the nct content i consumed during that time which inevitably cheered me up so much. this album really means a lot to me :’)

album favs: kick it, mad dog, love song, boom

honorary mentions: itzy - wannabe,

the weeknd - after hours (album) my dear melchanoly, was one of my favorite releases of 2018, so i had been desperate for a new release by abel and boy did he not disappoint. the perfect thotty, dirty emo 80s, making it clap while crying in the club album! this is a no skip from top to bottom and all i can say is that the grammys can go to hell <3 abel aoty! there is really not much i can say about this album, the flawless production, lyrics and sound speak for themself. my only criticism is that i feel overwhelmed by 14 songs, especially when some of them are really long. a few songs greatly overshadow the weaker tracks on the album for me but i still love this to death.

album favs: escape from LA, blinding lights, after hours, faith

dua lipa - future nostalgia (album) after the weeknd’s masterpiece of an 80s inspired pop album i was really looking forward to this. i greatly enjoyed the pre-releases, i played don’t start now and physical up and down, they are still some of my favorite songs released this year! when i first listened to the album i really liked it, songs like boys will be boys or pretty please sound like fillers to be but the rest is solid. yet a month after release you couldn’t catch me listening to this and i cannot even really tell you why. i think it was a combination of the following: 1) i greatly overplayed dsn and physical to the point where i didn’t want more of the pop 80s sound that the album has 2) there were other releases at the time that caught my attention and interest more like neo zone or after hours 3) dua herself….girl….she really gave it her all this year to make herself as unlikeable as possible. nationalist propaganda and the constant traveling during a fucking pandemic were really the kicker. i can barely stand seeing her on my instagram feed anymore, much less listen to her album. her having the nerve to go “we’re in a pandemic lol” when people asked about an animated music video …. if you don’t shut the hell up lmao … also, she takes the crown for the corniest album opener of all time. i nearly closed spotify when i heard future nostalgia (the song) lmao

album favs: don’t start now, physical, levitating, hallucinate

honorary mentions: megan thee stallion - savage

april

apink - dumhdurum (song)

listen, i’m not gonna sit here and pretend like this mini album interested me in the slightest but god, the title is such a banger.i’m so sick, eung eung and dumhdurum are a holy trilogy that i will defend until the end of time! i really hope apink stick to this mature, elegant concept, it suits them so well and goes well with their new sound. come back soon queens <3

rina sawayama - xs (song) i feel like i’m gonna catch some hands here … xs is an absolute banger, the guitar riffs and disruptive sounds really get me going every damn time! but the rest of the album … tell me why it doesn’t catch me?! i literally cannot explain. i need to take an hour, sit down and do nothing but listen to the album from top to bottom once again and see if my thoughts change but right now i only care about xs.

chungha - stay tonight (song) drama! vocals! dance break! choreography! this release served it all. i listened to this obsessively during the time of the release and it still holds up today. can we talk about the run chungha had with gotta go > snapping > stay tonight? lord have mercy.

honorary mentions: april - lalalilala, nct dream - ridin’

may

lady gaga - chromatica (album) the immense disappointment i have in this album is tough to put into words lol. any other artist might have gotten away with this release but gaga having the discography that she has, well … she doesn’t get away with it. this has underwhelming all over it. i enjoyed the pre-releases and my hope was high but the rest just doesn’t live up what i expected, i can’t even say why. it’s just underwhelming pop for someone of gaga’s calibre. i listened to this album during release week and then never again till december to write this list and i can see why.

album favs: rain on me, sour candy ft. blackpink, stupid love

baekhyun - delight (mini album) it’s confession time … this is a name i never would have expected on any of my music lists to end up. exo has always been one of those boy groups i casually listened to. i greatly enjoy their title tracks and a handful of side tracks, i have a few members that i keep an eye on more than others but that’s about it. baekhyun was never one of those members i had any interest in, matter of fact i always thought he was kinda vanilla and boring 😭 i didn’t even plan on listening to this release if it wasn’t for his association with superm and thus nct, so i gave it a shot and we have no choice but to stan. his voice is like butter and can cut sharp at the same time, his versatility is insane. i dived a bit more into baekhyun related content and he is so likeable, it’s almost ridiculous. this production is absolute god tier, not a single skip on this mini. late spring/early summer i had this weird urge to listen to songs with mellow voices but still a banger instrumental and i wholeheartedly blame this release. matter of fact, this album is so good, i had to buy a physical copy. Y’ALL. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. i haven’t bought a kpop album of anyone that’s not holy top 3 (brown eyed girls, loona, nct) in like … idk, 5 years?! baekhyun’s impact. i’m a fan now <3

album favs: candy, r u ridin’?, love again

ak aussenkontrolle - in meinem benz (song) this … is very unrelated to this entirely list but i had to put it on here. i miss my ex boss and our 3 hour drives to meetings in the south of the country where we would blast trashy german rap music </3

nct 127 - neo zone: the final round (repackage) *airhorns* REEEPACKAGE TIIIIIME!!! my first nct era that i experienced from start to finish! i remember watching nct 127’s beyond live with luna where these mfs performed punch and we finished the concert having no idea what this song sounded like. the structure is so unusual and the intro catches me off-guard every time just to hype me up beyond compare. not gonna lie, the fact that johnny has exactly one (1) line hurts but! it’s my favorite line of the entire song! possibly related to the fact that it’s his line but let’s ignore that ….

album favs: punch, make your day

kim woo seok - red moon (song) i’m not even gonna lie to you. i have not a single idea who this man is. you could put him right in front of me and i wouldn’t know … all i know is that he has a banger song. i saw him perform this on a music show that i watched for nct and i ended up loving the song … thanks for your service sir, whoever you are ...

june

stray kids - go live (album) 2020 was kind of the year of boy groups for me, i’m so sorry … stray kids promoted simultaneously with nct 127 so i ended up hearing their title track and holy hell, is that a song. god’s menu is hype from start to finish. it reminds me of good ol’ 2nd gen noise boy group song a lá b*g b*ng fantastic baby. just pure hype and fun noise. i am forever grateful to witness the birth of the line cooking like a chef, i’m a five star michelin. the title track impressed me so much that i ended up checking out the entire album which i rarely ever do with boy groups and what is even rarer is that i enjoyed the b sides lmao!!! it’s not an album that i would put on and just enjoy from start to finish but it has some really solid tracks! this release made me want to keep an eye on stray kids, they seem like a really fun bunch.

album favs: god’s menu, TA, airplane

seventeen - left & right (song) the boy group run continues … same thing with stray kids, seventeen promoted during punch era so i heard their song while watching some music station show for nct and i heard this and was sold. solid, fun pop with the catchiest pre-chorus in history and a banger chorus. i listened to the entire mini and can’t say it really caught my interest so this is a title track only release for me.

dishonorary mentions: twice - more & more (i hate this song so much lol)

honorary mentions: ryu sejeong - tiger eyes, monsta x - fantasia, chloe x halle - do it

july

irene & seulgi - monster (mini) this is a weird release because it’s good. the title track is fun enough, the b sides are dope. but my issue with this is that it’s nothing new. this sounds exactly like a red velvet release. i get that they didn’t want to a joy, seulgi, irene, yeri release only and went for the sub-unit route instead, but why not be experimental and stray away from the usual sound of the group? also, whoever made monster and not naughty the title track deserves to be spat on. at least the choreography here is more interesting and “experimental” for kpop standards. also, why only a seulgi solo and no irene? i have no idea how reveluvs reacted to this release but this has rushed written all over it.

album favs: monster, naughty (i’m counting this to the mini idc), uncover

exo-sc - 1 billion views (mini) doing my part as a filthy casual exo listener. this release goes in the same category as baekhyun’s delight where i like the album so much that i HAD to get a physical copy. i don’t know what they put in the title track for it to be so diddly darn addictive but it clearly worked. the only bad thing about this release is how criminally mismanaged it was by sm, when i get you lee sooman ...

album favs: 1 billion views, on me, say it

baekhyun - garden in the air (song) i told you i’m a loyal baekhyun fan now <3 king releases and i listen, that’s just how it goes now! this is a cover of a boa song and i really love his version. there is not much to say except that it’s a really smooth song and his voice absolutely carries the track. i enjoyed this much more than i thought i would!

hyoyeon - dessert (song) YOU KNOW WHAT I DESERVE??? DESSERT!!!!!!! *insert tik tok challenge here* imagine if miryo featured on this instead of the ethnic hip girl … why can’t we have nice things. anyway, a banger!

johnny - sunny side up episode 1 set (spotify playlist, actual set) johnny being the skilled, talented, multi-faceted king that he is has been dj-ing since before debut (not me acting like i was around at that time lmao) and thus he decided to bless our quarantined, lockdowned asses with an online dj set! that was the most turned up sunday morning i ever had in my entire life. this set kicked off an edm/house/techno affinity that i had for the following couple of weeks. this set is an absolute banger, i would go insane to this in the club. he has an amazing ear for transitions and drops and i still just put on this set on the regular when i have cleaning to do or so. he could fill the void that rona and thus no clubbing in 2020 left in my heart and i’m so happy he decided to share this with us <3 now … john … sunny side up episode 2 pspspspspsps

honorary mentions: gfriend - apple, jessi - nunu nana

august

cardi b ft. megan thee stallion - wap (song) late summer 2021. we are vaccinated, icu beds are free, barely any new cases, clubs are open, this song plays and i can finally make it fucking clap.

troye sivan - in a dream (mini album) a cute mini album! nothing life-changing or as exciting as previous releases but easy (haha!) to enjoy. i really, really enjoy easy, can always count on troye for a dreamy sound.

album favs: easy

honorary mentions: itzy - not shy

september

wonho - love synonym pt. 1: right for me (mini album) honestly? i know like, 3 monsta x songs. i never bothered to get into them and maybe i never will, but it was difficult to ignore the whole wonho & monsta x mess that went on. i have absolutely no memory of why i decided to check out this release, i guess i was curious what he was going to do and … i was positively surprised lol. open mind is the exact time of song i had been so desperate all summer (remember mellow vocals with banger instrumentals? yeah) and uhm … can’t ignore the obvious … mr wonho is fucking fine. sir, you just gained a fan … now, where is love synonym part 2?? huh?????

album favs: open mind, i just, losing you

joji - nectar (album) this one is on tiktok. i heard gimme love in a bunch of tiktoks and had to look up the song and here we are. what an album! it came right as seasonal depression started to hit and accompanied me for a good chunk of autumn. at this point one has to ask if joji can ever really miss? the entire album is a no skip, it’s almost difficult to narrow down my favorites if my favorites weren’t so damn god tier!!!

album favs: gimme love, ew, tick tock, pretty boy, your man

super m - tiger inside / 100 / drip (songs) okay, listen. technically tiger inside & 100 were already released in august. instead of those three songs i was gonna write about the entire album until i realized i really don’t give a fuck about it 😭 i really only care about those three songs. and YES, i unironically like 100. is it a good song? no. but neither is jopping and that fucking bangs. i don’t turn to superm for life-changing, profound music, i turn to them for a good time LOL and that’s what they deliver every time! that being said, taeyong’s VROOM VROOM, UHMM UHMM, GRRRAHHHH verse is life-changing and profound! speak your truth king! also i wish drip was a b side for nct 127 that song is so damn sexy

taemin - never gonna dance again act 1 (album) this isn’t kpop, this is taemin pop. taemin never misses and the fact that hw*s* won dance performance over taemin is a literal hate crime. i will never forget the industry for this daylight robbery … anyway, nice album!!!!

album favs: criminal, black rose, waiting for

stray kids - in life (repackage) *airhorns* REPACKAGE TIIIIME 2.0!!!! i was on the edge of my seat waiting what stray kids were going to deliver after i greatly enjoyed god’s menu. i was still not over listening god’s menu when the repackage came out so i didn’t listen to it right away and now i greatly regret the few days i could have listened to back door earlier </3

album favs: back door, any

jackson wang - pretty please (song) i’m not gonna pretend like i ever listened to a song by jackson ever before. he is short king from got7 in my head and that’s all! i don’t even remember why i listened to this song but all i know is that it slaps severely. i love the wong kar wai inspired music video and the choreography is fun too! i’m gonna check out more of his music <3

honorary mentions: fromis9 - feel good, knk - ride

october

blackpink - the album (album, duh) i don’t even know what to say about this … this might be the weirdest release on the list for me. there are song i absolutely fucking hate (ice cream …) and songs i get my life to (pretty savage) on here and the discrepancy just gives me massive whiplash. i would never put this album on and listen to the whole body of work, i just cannot with the brain damage it gives me. i am still stuck in 2016, begging for bp to release music like whistle/boombayah/stay/playing with fire but i think i need to give up on that wishful thinking … i am just grateful we a got a title track with actual lyrics in the chrous for once.

album favs: pretty savage, lovesick girls

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 1 (album) this era was … a ride. nct 2020 happening was near inevitable but with covid it got pushed back so far, i started to believe it wasn’t even going to happen. i was semi-terrified of what was going to happen during a comeback with 21 (now 23!!) member group since i only experienced nct 127 comebacks so far and uhh … a LOT happened lmfao but let’s keep this about the album … i had no idea what was going to hit me. johnny having effectively 3 lines in nct 2018 did not give me much hope and after he got denoted to no line treatment in punch again, i was ready to not even have any expectation but this release changed everything. make no mistake that most of my favorite songs are units with johnny, we knew that was gonna happen lmaooo they dropped the teaser video for misfit and i thought i had my favorite song in the bag and then faded in my last song happened. y’all. JOHNNY SINGS? LIKE? ACTUALLY SINGS? DOESN’T GET FORCED TO RAP OR TALK-SING? MY MAN’S VOCALS??? OH MY GAAAAHD! this song is dramatic, theatrical, emo, it serves vocals and rap, it has catchy english and korean lyrics, this is THE song, the ULTIMATE song. i love this song so much, i want to belt it on top of my lungs in the pouring rain. apart from fimls, i also loveeee misfit, that was to be expected after i was going completely insane over the track video. johnny has like 3 lines but again they are iconic (WARNIN’! NCT WE MOBBIN’!) and i just enjoy the track too much to be upset over that. nectar. holy fuck. nectar!!!! wayv never disappoints with their thotty songs, they now have an absolute god tier hoe-ly song trinity with love talk > bad alive > nectar. the first chorus and hendery’s first verse (CHOP CHOP CHOP!) get me every time, this song is so insanely good i am severely upset i cannot sing along to it :( music, dance has nct 127 written all over it in bold letters, it’s so inherently 127’s sound!!!! i love this song so much, it’s so fun, upset and has massive dance-ability, i wish we had gotten a stage for it but i guess you can’t have everything in life </3 make a wish……………………………..the cursed unit. i don’t want to say anything about this except that, unfortunately, the song is fun and i enjoy it. the end. overall, this album is so insanely solid. i know i talk about my favorites A LOT but i genuinely do not dislike a single song on here, this is an absolute no skip album! that’s it. see you for resonance part 2!!!!!

album favs: FADED IN MY LAST SONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, misfit, nectar, music dance, make a wish

loona - 12:00 (mini album) controversial loona release 2.0! i don’t know what it is, but somehow they managed to lace the words di da dam di dam di dam dam dam dam di dam (yeah) with pure crack. i fucking love why not, i would even go as far to say it’s my 2nd favorite title track. that is right, i think it’s better than butterfly (btw: hi high > why not > butterfly > so what). so much was strange this comeback, from the inexplicable concept + teasers, the outfits, the styling (yves….i mourn your hot girl era) but the title track is just SO good, SO fun, SO catchy that i am willing to ignore it all. i also enjoy the b sides much more than on #, they are much more memorable to me. and now … HASEUL RETURN…………….i purely live to see the next loona comeback at this point

album favs: why not, voice, universe

twice - i can’t stop me (song) thank fuck twice released a good song this year. if more & more had been the only 2020 release, that would have been the real tragedy. not gonna lie, i still haven’t listened to the full album, it just keeps slipping my mind. but! i’m going to! until then i’m gonna bop to i can’t stop me.

ariana grande - positions (album) the way this album has people upset is so funny. i am a huge dangerous woman fan myself, it’s my fave ariana album to date but she has said repeatedly that this is not the sound she is striving for. now she has her coin and can do whatever she wants in music and if that is r’n’b then fuck! we have to live with it! lmao! i can live with the sex theme of the album because it’s delivered in a fun way? but it’s getting a bit old...if the next album is about riding dick only too idk how much i would enjoy that. i would probably always come back to ari because i like her voice so much but girl, there are other topics to sing about, i promise! anyway! i like this album, it’s one of those where i can hit shuffle and enjoy it in the background while doing other stuff.

album favs: positions, 34 + 35, love language, my hair, pov

tiny meat gang - sofia (song) ayyy, it’s my meat boys :’) ending the year the same way they started it, with a banger! i absolutely love the guitar instrumental, the melancholic love song type sound paired with the theme of singing about loving a robot … yup, that’s creativity and talent right here! this makes me so freaking desperate for a new ep and i genuinely have no idea how far or close we are to one but!!! i am always waiting!!!

noel - push (ep) this is something i absolutely did not expect. noel (of tiny meat gang!) released his first ep ever and i was absolutely wowed. noel has it all, the voice, the talent, the creativity and all it took him was the confidence to finally put something out and i’m so happy he did. he gets real personal on bus back, more than ever before and i always get a bit emo listening to this track </3 this man is gonna go places and i’m so happy to witness his journey.

album favs: crow, head sunk, bus back

honorary mentions: sam smith - diamonds

november

taemin - never gonna dance again act 2 (album) i’m gonna say it. idea is better than criminal. the chorus drop???? when he goes MY AH AH MY AH AH MY AH MY IDEA MY MY IDEAAAAAA A-A-A A-A-A???? bitch … tell me you can sit still, i won’t believe you. i like part 2’s title track more, but part 1’s b sides are more interesting to me. either way, taemin delivered as expected!!

album favs: idea, impressionable, exclusive

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 2 (album) part two, baby! we made it! part 2 had more mellow, ballad-y songs with my everything, i.o.u. and all about you, overall less drama than part 1 but i still enjoyed it. work it is one of those controversial songs where you despise it with your entire being or you defend this top tier noise till the end and i am absolutely the latter. the agony of not being able to listen to it and seeing the timeline so divided nearly killed me, but i have concluded that people who hate work it have never felt joy in their life <3 honestly my opinion cannot be counted because i eat up anything johnny participates in … biased ass… what i’m not gonna talk about is resonance (the song), this absolute mess of a “remix”. the audacity sm had to release this as a single is insane. anyway!! this era was a rollercoaster ride. all the interactions truly made me interested in members of other units more. hendery (the rise and fall …), yangyang my beautiful son, jeno aka blue hair guy, chenle the chaos kid and xiaojun after he made make a wish his bitch in particular! all the interactions between the units were so fun to witness and it was fun while it lasted but i am … so glad it’s over lol. i miss nct 127, i miss some peace, i hope the boys get to rest for a bit and so does my bank account.

album favs: work it, 90s love, i.o.u., raise the roof

miley cyrus - plastic hearts (album) not in a thousand years would i have expected a miley release to be on here. this girl does everything to be absolutely unlikeable in my eyes but after severely banging out to her heart of glass cover, i was really excited for this and it did not disappoint. what is disappointing is that it took her so long to find a sound that fits her like a glove. i believe many people miss out on this release after her previous history and i nearly would have done the same. this alt/rock influenced pop does her voice so many favors and i really hope she sticks to this direction, i love this album greatly!!

album favs: heart of glass, midnight sky, night crawling ft. billy joel, wtf do i know

kai - kai (mini album) just. imagine debuting with an album like that. lol. what a god tier big dick move. we all knew whatever this release was gonna be, above all it was going to be sexy and boy were we RIGHT!!!! mmmh is exactly as thotty as i needed it to be and the b sides give me everything from r’n’b to trap. i love this release and i love that it’s only the beginning of kai! like!! he is only gonna gain even more experience and become even more powerful!! what the fuck!!!!!

album favs: mmmh, ride or die, hello stranger, nothing on me

honorary mentions. gfriend - mago

december

nothing? wtf?? 😭 no interesting release happened,,,,half the time i listened to christmas songs anyway lol

pre 2020 releases i only found this year

mgmt - little dark age (album, 2018) & oracular spectactular (album, 2007) another tiktok serve. i found little dark age through a tiktok trend and ended up really liking mgmt. they fit perfectly into my autumn/winter moody alt/rock mood that i had going on and i’m happy they have so much more music that i can check out!

artist favs: little dark age, electric feel, time to pretend

tame impala - currents (album, 2015) everyone’s favorite basic alt bitch album! i enjoyed this more than the slow rush for a good chunk of time, it also fit right into my alt rock autumn mood. i really love this album, like previously mentioned it has my favorite long ass tracks on there but also a good amount of short or medium long tracks. i’m still busy enjoying currents and the slow rush but i can’t wait till i finally take the leap to dive into their other releases because i’m loving everything i’ve heard so far.

album favs: the less i know the better, let it happen, new person same old mistakes

joji - ballads 1 (2018) after liking nectar so much, checking joji out was a given and i just love this album. only when i listened to this i realized i heard slowly dancing in the dark a few times on tiktok lmao that cursed app man … i would say i love nectar a bit more but this is still a fantastic album!!

album favs: slowly dancing in the dark, attention, test drive, yeah right

jus2 - focus (mini album, 2019) in my “mellow moody bangers” phase i was scouring playlists for more songs and i think i found focus on me first which fitted right into the niche i was looking to fill and i ended up enjoy this whole release! only later i realized this is a sub-unit from got7 lmao how come i enjoy solo or unit releases by got7 members but their group discography never interested me? anyway, very sexy ep!

album favs: drunk on you, focus on me, love talk

knk - sunset (song, 2019) part of my mellow bangers playlist. very sexy, i can imagine this as a runway song! i have no idea who knk are but given the fact i enjoyed two of their songs so far maybe i should look into them lol

baekhyun - city lights (mini album, 2019) i am repenting for my sins of missing out on baekhyun releases by consuming his music at an exorbitant rate. un village is one hell of a title track that i didn’t appreciate before, but i feel like in 2020 my music interests started to vary and i love the groovy r’n’b and string sound of this song so much. i also love stay up to death, the vocals baekhyun serves here are unreal. his BABY WE CAN STAY UP!!!!!!! gets me every single time!!!! what a mini!

album favs: un village, stay up

mac miller - swimming (album, 2018) i’ve listened to this album before 2020 but i had the urge to put this on here. this is going to sound so corny, but if i had to pick one song to be my life’s title track, it would be ladders. the hope this song gives me is unreal, it feels like a light at the end of the tunnel. this album is so fantastic, i love the upbeat instrumentals paired with sometimes gloomy lyrics are so incredible, mac was truly one of the greatest artists of our time. this album is so outstanding and i miss him every day.

album favs: ladders, jet fuel, 2009, self care, perfecto

doja cat - hot pink (album, 2019) i can never decide if i like doja or not but the album slaps lol that’s it come on tiktok queen

album favs: say so, juicy, like that, streets

my fav 2020 playlists

slapping mellow

neo culture technology

malcolm

why go to therapy when this playlist exists?

top songs 2020

(by spotify)

#again a heads up: this was written in december 2020 and there are a few names mentioned here that....i want nothing to do with anymore lol #like h*ndery of gfr*end #but i'm not gonna delete them because at the time i enjoyed their releases and no one knew they were ignorant asswipes <3 #also not me thinking i'm gonna get vaccinated this summer LMFAOOOOOOO #i can consider myself lucky if i even get them this year #german government my detested <3 #about me

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haus-of-wu · 4 years

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Bonamana (미인아) 10th Anniversary Album Analysis/Rediscovery

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Happy 10th Anniversary to Bonamana / 4jib !

I viscerally remember this album coming out when I was in the 8th grade and using my damn iTunes gift cards to buy the album tracks for my iPod nano. (WTF was streaming in 2010)

Bonamana was the first album of many in SJ’s discography that didn’t have the full lineup of members. Hangeng had departed SM, Kibum had announced a hiatus to focus on acting, and Kangin was starting off what would become SJ’s almost decade-long military rotation era.

We’ve come a long way, and we’re still out here !!

Track analysis and re-reaction below the cut - as a veteran ELF I find that middle school me fixated on certain songs (and was the biggest Ryeowook stan), and then completely forgot about entire other songs, so it’s always a fun time going back down memory lane.

Bonamana (미인아)

Even if you look and look, look and look, look and look There’s no one else but me.

It’s true, true that my feelings don’t have a place to go. You know that I adjusted myself to fit you

honestly the best iteration of the “SJ Funky” sound that started with “Sorry Sorry” imo

an absolute headbanger !! if you aren’t already bobbing your head to the bass line and percussion in the first 10 seconds you are not human

this has just the right tasteful amount of autotune that makes it age a lot better than sorry sorry over the years

i’m sorry but the choreo absolutely fucks especially with kyuhyun going out there being like “you thought i was a main vocal? i’m in this fucking dance break”

re:choreo, it’s understandable that they’ve pivoted to the rock remix of this for super shows bc there’s a squat move they do that is not friendly on the knees at all

if you wanted a club BOP about a guy trying his hardest to figure out how to get a girl’s attention, this is it

donghae doing a magic trick for every music show performance of this, while looking fiercely in character while delivering his line as a man who is hella stressed about what to get the girl as a present

the way ryeowook and sungmin (tenor line !!) exchange lines

this song made me go feral in 2010

No Other

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Hearing you tell me that you love me, I have everything in this world, You & I, You’re so fine, Is there someone like you? I love you Oh, please know it, to me there’s only you, That I stupidly see you As my everything

that feel-good cute love song that served as the foil to Bonamana

the softest MV !!

just super chill and smile inducing

all the music show performances of this are just...so cute (also featured so many shenanigans like leeteuk yelling HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEENIM/GOOD LUCK SHINEE, and random members playing rock paper scissors in the middle of the performance)

probably has the most evenly split line distributions for the time (each member has their own verse of sorts)

contains one of my favorite hyukjae rap parts - it flows in such a relaxing way

Shake It Up (Remix Version)

Hey get up, (Hey get up) everyone come here (everyone come here) Just shake (all your thoughts) Just shake it up!

your everyday repetitive life, right now shake it up your repeated thoughts of sadness- right now shake it up Are you separated from the world? It all depends on you

SJ said shake it up !

chill club song with the touch of autotune, heavy synth, and weird background “oh OHs” of the time

the predecessor to the electronic chill vibe that Skydive has

they really told us to have fun and enjoy

honestly the song i didn’t realize i’d need in quarantine as i jam out at my desk

All My Heart

The words I still can’t say The words that got stuck in my throat I love you more than anyone else It’s still you and me, me me me me me me me me

In this moment I’m really happy I’m really grateful that you came to me The one who gives everything to me It’s only you and me, me me me me me me just you

a simple guitar instrumental with soothing vocals, a wholesome r&b

composed by LEETEUK AND HENRY? fuck me up fam

as a kid this was just the “nanana nanana na” song (that’s the me me me part of the chorus lmao)

this is the happy song that you’d like wave your lighters to maybe

hyukjae’s been singing “don’t wake me up” for eons

god this song makes me so soft

A Short Journey

My heart that loved you My eyes that looked at you Are still here

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye I’ll go back to the place when I once was When I open that door and take one step So that I can stand in front of you who I missed

My heart that loved you My eyes that looked at you Will wait

Kangin going to the military tribute song composed by Donghae and lyrics by Hyukjae? they really had all the rights in 2010

god the lyrics really hit me in my ELF heart. like we really went through a whole decade of military service and said goodbye for now so many times

the opening piano intro? i hate you donghae i really do

hyukjae these lyrics man. why. why you gotta make our hearts hurt like this

another simple instrumental with soothing vocals, but this time it hits you in the feels a bit

if you weren’t listening to the lyrics, this feels like a song you’d watch your parents slow dance to in the house

thanks for triggering the “i miss kangin” hours G O D

Boom Boom

From head to toe you are wrapped with all luxury things Hoo~ so eye-blinding, who would ever dare to touch you?

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star I’m trying to get a hot girl, I’m drawn to her bad look look look am I wrong?

It’s nothing but such a beautiful sin

THE OTHER BANGER IN THIS ALBUM

yeah i feel like 13/14 y.o. me only was here for bonamana and boom boom back in 2010 which is like...pretty valid given the taste of your typical middle schooler in 2010

but literally. if you thought bonamana was about a guy desperate to get the girl, boom boom was legit like “shit she’s hot like sin and hooking up with her might be a mistake for me but oh well wtf why the hell not”

kyuhyun’s line at the beginning “from head to toe/머리부터 발 끝까지” is apparently used in a lot of lyrics, to the point where D&E were like, Bout You’s Korean title is gonna be that, AND it’s gonna be in the chorus. this was totally off-topic.

the whiplash in this album honestly. soft love songs to trying to get girls in the club to i’ll wait for you to finish military service. they have the RANGE

Coagulation

On the window and on my eyes Dew forms, tears form, a small stream is made Where they’re from and how they form over and over even I don’t know The only thing I know is that I just really hurt My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold It seems even I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you

time for a KRY ballad (can you BELIEVE they are finally having their first whole-ass album in june ??)

break up crying song included with the album of two absolute bangers

just close your eyes and get taken away on the sad rainy day ballad

Your Eyes

I want to erase all of my insufficient former self It seems like someone like me has nothing to give to you

Do you still remember, do you believe that it’s only you for me Do you know how long you can keep me by your side In this large world, there’s only one person (I only want you) Did you know this about me

sad piano r&b time !! brought to you by yesung and kyuhyun only

harmonies

kyuhyun’s bridge though

easily a candidate for some drama OST

i feel like this album really just had two sides - party rock central and r&b feels

My Only Girl

Even if I cover my ears I can hear it, even if I close my eyes, I can see it Even if I shut my mouth I keep calling out for you I am stupid I hate how I can’t get over you

we really opened this song with “cause i’m lonely” huh (screams at how applicable this still is for them TEN years later)

i love everything about this song except the chorus

the chorus is very underwhelming

My All Is In You

Even though I’m pretending to smile Without knowing why In truth I want to cry

It seems love is ending like this Before I know it our parting is approaching You say “goodbye” To me, letting you go is still difficult Please give me a little more time I can’t live without you My all is in you

another sad breakup bop why are you guys so good at this genre

the percussion comes in so nicely

little strings in the background that help accentuate the words (chef’s kiss)

KRY really were already yelling not even halfway into this song - perf

we literally are only in the second chorus folks

this song is great, it’s only sin was that it said “rap line you just don’t get lines”, so rip heechul, hyukjae, and shindong

Shake it Up!

the original - way less electro, more acoustic

has a very lo-fi beginning and then it amps up

has some interesting high pitched synth piano twiddling up there

a tad slower than the remix, but not by much if at all

dude the horns coming in behind hyukjae’s rap !! it fucks !

if the remix version’s vibe is people having fun in the club, this one’s vibe is a summer bbq party in the backyard

god i really love the horn line - it gives it such a nice vibe

another point in the “feel good” bucket

In My Dream

She’s walking away Embracing another person My chest’s like it’s being crushed under a heavy weight

I’m dreaming again, right? Cold sweat runs down my body It hurts to dream about things, I hate to remember

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this I wake up with her presence still… although I hope I don’t dream again, Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence

piano and string sadness here we go

bring back SJ KRY + donghae + sungmin

this chorus for this song stabs me in the heart every time

i’m mad where’s the MV for the heart-wrenching sad ballad

kings of emotional power vocals

we really are out here singing our hearts out about that ex-girlfriend that haunts us as we try to fall asleep

if they ever perform this all ELF in the vicinity would immediately die

One Fine Spring Day

A warm wind is blowing like it was that night The flowers you lovingly planted have bloomed Before I know it spring has come again I still want to deeply sleep like it’s winter

You are so very far, so very far To be honest I miss you every day Even the very small, very small trivial things make me think of you every day

still laughing the ryeowook brought up bonamana as his favorite album on weekly idol bc it contained his first ever solo track ;kasjf;aksdf king of promoting only himself

this is v soft, v much aligned with the little prince image that wasn’t even in the works yet

the imagery of the lyrics man. cute winter to spring yearning uwus

s o f t e s t

like this is literally the song that inspired every fanfic writer that’s ever written ryeowook as persephone in some greek god au

Good Person

When you laugh I feel good too, even when you say it’s just pretend You bring happiness to the days when I wait for you, the nights when I miss you Even when I’m alone it’s okay if I can just see you I’m always behind you, I’m always looking out for you, but it seems like I have to share

The difference between me and the person who makes you cry is that all I can do is comfort you

this song sounds like something that would be in the opening of an animated show that takes place in a high school

now that i’m looking at the lyrics, this is literally an upbeat sounding song accepting that they’ve been friendzoned and all they can do is support her relationship with the other guy

bittersweet nostalgia bop i guess

Here We Go

cue family/action movie credit music vibes

i don’t have much to say about it - i just isn’t something i’d listen to on the regular

it’s just happy-go-lucky finale type music

it has a really old-school hyukjae/shindong rap verse lmao

vocal line is out here yelling, very on-brand

24 notes · View notes

fallinnflower · 5 years

Text

hear the sea

joshua x reader (siren!au)

a/n: thanks @kunsdear for making sure this got written after i messaged her the plot, because i have a bad habit of not finishing things. inspired by the iconic shot from the “fear” mv seen above.

word count: 4924

You’ve always felt drawn to the ocean. It’s hard to say why — you’re not particularly fond of water, nor are you an avid swimmer. And yet when a storm is brewing the sky and sea into a gray-green, frothing mess, you’ll be the last person to leave the shoreline and the first to scour it after the rain passes.

It used to be you and your cousins who would run down to the beach, with pails for castles and shells. When you were young, you’d race them to the sandbars and fight for the best goggles so you could see all the fish. You were more adventurous then, before you knew the dangers that lurked there. The sea was cloudy on the day it betrayed you, and when your uncle placed you back on shore you watched the blood from the mysterious cut on your foot stain the sand, and a fear gripped your young heart that even as an adult you couldn’t shake.

And so you stay away from the water. You steal the treasures the ocean spits up in its vulnerable moments, and put the trophies on your shelves. But you can’t shake the fear as you walk the shore alone, salt in your hair and that call still ringing in your ears.

You’re stubborn, it’s a fact, yet you can’t help but wonder how long you’ll be able to resist that persistent song.

There’s a storm rolling in, and Joshua is more excited than he should be.

It’s been a long time since there’s been a storm that’s lasted all night, but the one rolling in is looking fantastic — at least, according to what Minghao says, and his predictions haven’t been wrong in years. Joshua keeps swimming towards the surface to check the sky, and Jeonghan keeps teasing him for his impatience, but he just can’t help it! He likes being able to walk on land for a bit without dying of dehydration, and storms like this give him that freedom. There’s something powerful about looking out over the ocean from the shore and knowing that he and his brothers rule it. It gives him a bit of a rush.

And he won’t tell his brothers this, but there’s another reason he’s so excited for the storm. For years, every time a storm crests above this particular shore, Joshua has felt a strange pull in his chest. He’s never had the time to fully investigate, but with the maelstrom about to come through he’s hoping to get some answers. There must be something waiting out there for him, he knows it, can feel it way down in his bones.

So as the first drops of rain kiss the waves, he strides onto the shore.

He sees you mere moments after he emerges from the cave where he and Jeonghan store clothing for their various escapades. Although most of their pranks are played on unsuspecting fishermen, they’ve made a few shoreline appearances before.

You’re walking down the beach wearing a large, gray sweatshirt, with the hood pulled up to protect yourself from some of the cold, stinging wind. You have a tote bag slung over one shoulder, and a single bluetooth earbud in one ear. Joshua is horribly confused.

He thinks you’re beautiful. He feels that pull.

He follows it.

You know you probably shouldn’t be out right now, because the radar is showing a pretty long and intense storm, but you can’t help it. Your cousin just got engaged and your house has been so loud for the whole day, you just needed to get out for a bit.

Plus, you just installed a new bookshelf in your room, and you’re absolutely itching to get some new shells and coral bits for it.

Joshua returns home uncharacteristically sullen, and, after much prodding from Jeonghan, he can’t help but to let it all out.

“She resisted the call?” Jeonghan echoes, once he’s finished, and Joshua throws his hands up.

“I don’t know if she even heard it! Is there something wrong with me?” Jeonghan taps a slender finger against his lips, a familiar smirk growing on his lips.

“Well—” Joshua shoots him a sharp look, and Jeonghan relents with a slight chuckle before rising from his lounging position. He rests a hand on Joshua’s shoulder, his expression serious but his eyes glittering with mischief.

“I think we have our next target, hm?” He asks, playfully jostling Josh’s shoulder. Joshua feels a strange knot forming in his stomach at Jeonghan’s words, but he shrugs it off with a smile. After all, it’s not like either of them want to hurt you — it’s just a matter of pride, really.

But then why does he feel so anxious?

“Maybe,” Jeonghan muses, lying back on the sand next to Joshua, the waves lapping up along their legs and torsos. “We really have lost our touch.” His face is fixed into a pout, and Joshua can’t help but let out a laugh despite the nervous tension twisting his stomach into knots.

Not only had you resisted Joshua’s call, but you’d now managed to evade Jeonghan’s, too — and the calls of siren princes were nothing to sneeze at. Their ancestors had lured many, many people into the depths, so it was surprising that you had somehow not even noticed their songs. (Other people had, to be sure. An entire gaggle of college students on break had come bounding into the water almost as soon as he and Jeonghan had begun — so what was so special about you?)

What had begun as what he assumed was simply an outlier case had suddenly become a personal challenge. Who were you to deny the call of a siren prince? If he wanted you in the water, then that’s where you should be! And yet…

And yet he and Jeonghan had both watched you turn tail and walk back towards town the moment the sun began to peek through the clouds above the waters. No matter how much they sang, even with Joshua playing the stupid guitar they had packed away in the cove, you’d barely even spared them a glance. At least other people had the sense to at least applaud them for their song; some even tipped them.

Joshua narrows his eyes at the blue sky, hearing the waves jostle the change in his pocket. He has no use for human money, but he couldn’t very well give it back now. Jeonghan, beside him, has ceased worrying and fallen asleep, but Joshua can’t seem to relax, can’t seem to take his mind off of you and the challenge that you now pose. His heart picks up speed in his chest. He can’t remember the last time he felt so determined, so excited — so, he decides, he’s going to make the most of it.

Step one, Joshua decides, is to learn your behaviors. It feels a little too much like stalking prey, though, and Joshua is very much a pacifist, so he’s very quick to switch his strategy to befriending you. After all, more than this personal challenge he still feels drawn to you, and he’s desperate to understand why.

Not to sound rude, but Joshua can’t seem to pinpoint anything special about you. You’re pretty, as humans go, but you certainly don’t draw attention to yourself and don’t appear to be very outgoing. It only makes you more of a mystery to Joshua, and he isn’t exactly the most patient person in the world when it comes to problem-solving.

He takes note of when you come to the beach, and find that it actually makes this much, much easier for him. For example: you like to come to the shore before and after storms, when the humidity index is high. This is ideal for Joshua because then he doesn’t have to guzzle water in a very… inhuman way just to keep from suffocating. You also like the ocean at night, when it’s cooler and water doesn’t evaporate from his skin and make it scaly so easily. All in all, very convenient.

Except for the fact that Joshua doesn’t really know how to befriend humans. Just sea creatures. However, he notices that you always seem to be looking for shells, and seem to be quite particular about it — and if Joshua has any resource at his disposal, it’s shells.

So he spends the next few days gathering the best he can find and then thinking of the best way to casually approach you with his offering. You’re human, he’s royalty, it can’t be that hard.

You return to the beach after a storm on a Wednesday, and Joshua is a little embarrassed with how excited he is as he dons his human clothes and takes to the beach. In his pocket is a beautiful, perfectly intact conch shell, with a faint rosy color to it. As he runs a thumb over it with his hands in his pockets, he feels confident; this can’t possibly go wrong.

He approaches you. You don’t notice. He clears his throat, very gently, and you look up at him with a positively blank expression.

And then you just… keep staring at him, and he keeps staring at you, smiling so he doesn’t look intimidating. Eventually, though, your expression closes off into one of concern, and he feels his chest constrict a little.

“Can I help you?” You ask, and it feels like the world stops for a moment. Why does your voice sound so pretty?

“Yes!” He exclaims, causing you to wince slightly at his sudden, loud tone. He clears his throat before continuing, “Actually, I saw that you were collecting shells, and I thought you might like this one I found.” He produces his perfect shell from his pocket, smiling his most princely smile, and watching carefully for any change in your demeanor. Your eyes flit from the shell in his hand to his own, and he’s thoroughly confused when your brows scrunch even closer together.

“What did you say your name was?” You ask, and he can’t help but grin wider, feeling as though his plan is working.

“Joshua.” You nod, slowly.

“Right, Joshua.” You readjust the bag on your shoulder and point to the shell in his outstretched hand. “There’s still a conch in there. Just so you know.”

Suddenly, and with extreme force, it strikes Joshua that he is not good at this. He brings the shell back towards his face, chuckling awkwardly when he sees that there is, indeed, a conch still inside. Oh my god. He moves to shove it back in his pocket, ready to turn tail and head back home, but you reach out your hand and stop him. He swears he feels sparks run up his arms when your fingers brush his while you grab the conch — your expression, however, doesn’t change at all, and he wonders if he’s just imagining things. As the waves roll up the shore, you reach down by the water and set the conch in the sand, allowing it to be dragged away by the undertow. Joshua tells himself to give the conch a lift back home as an apology for almost killing it.

“Sorry about that,” he says, scratching the back of his neck and avoiding your gaze.

“You should apologize to the conch, not me.” Joshua feels his heart stop when you say that, turning to you with wide eyes. Do you know? How?

But instead of finding you with some wicked expression, he finds you smiling playfully at him, and he realizes you’re trying to joke with him. He laughs, mostly out of relief, and then crouches down by the waves.

“Sorry, Mr. Conch,” he says, playfully, and he can’t help but grin when he hears you giggling behind him.

“I appreciate the gesture, Joshua,” you say, then glance up at the sky. The clouds have begun to clear, and already it feels degrees hotter than when he had first arrived. “I should get going. Nice meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

You’re a good few yards away from him when he realizes he’s missed the most crucial step in becoming your friend, and frantically calls out to you:

“Wait!” You turn, looking concerned again, the wind whipping through your hair. “I didn’t get your name!” You cup your hands around your mouth and call back to him,

“Y/N!” You give him a beaming smile that makes his heart flutter before turning back up the beach and disappearing into the nearby parking lot. Joshua can’t help but grin as he heads back to the familiar cave, humming to himself. Maybe he isn’t so bad at this after all.

Joshua comes to find you every time you’re on the beach, always helping you scour for the best shells and telling you jokes. Sometimes, he plays you songs on his guitar, and he blushes cutely every time you tell him you like his singing.

Joshua is falling deeper and deeper, though he’s trying to convince himself that isn’t true. While at first his interest in you had been rather clinical, his focus has now shifted to you as a person. He wants to know you, what makes you tick, why you come to the beach but you’re never wearing a swimsuit and the sun isn’t shining.

It’s on a cloudy but rainless day he decides to try and test his pull again. Maybe now that you know him, seem to trust him a bit more, you’ll follow through. He starts off humming some song he’d heard on a radio the other day, and you join in, singing softly when he doesn’t know the right lyrics. He tries to ignore the skip of his heartbeat when he hears your voice, the way his breath catches when you let him take your hand and dance around the beach. It isn’t the first time he’s done something silly with you when nobody is around, but it’s the first time you’ve looked so happy, and the only time he’s ever heard you sing.

He remembers his objective and raises his voice slightly as he begins to pull you towards the shoreline. You oblige, smiling broadly and letting him spin you through the sand. His heart races as he feels the water against his ankles—

You freeze, the waves just barely lapping at your toes. Your expression is devoid of any of the happiness he had seen in it, though your hand is still in his. Joshua lets his singing trail off into awkward laughter,

“Come on, Y/N, it’s not that cold.” You don’t react to his joke until he tugs at your hand, sending you stumbling forward onto your knees. Joshua catches you before you can faceplant in the water, though as he lifts you up to stand with him you begin thrashing in his arms, splashing him with seawater as you do. He tells you to calm down, still feeling rather lighthearted and thinking you just want to play around.

“Let go,” you say. “Let me go, Joshua!” He keeps laughing, consumed by a strange sense of relief, holding you fast in his arms. It feels right to have your presence in the water beside him, and it’s as though the waves sing around you with the energy you put off. He feels even more drawn to you, having you here with him.

“I said let me go!” You scream as you push him forcefully away. Joshua stumbles back, falling into the water as you hurriedly back away from the water. He gets a good look at your face from where he’s sitting in the water, and he doesn’t like what he sees.

There are tears in your eyes when you look at him. Your hands are shaking. Joshua feels his chest constrict, a lead weight in his stomach.

“S-sorry, I—” You shake your head, as if trying to get a hold of yourself. Joshua’s mood only plummets further when you take another step away. “It’s so stupid. I’m sorry. I need to go.”

He can feel the fear rolling off of you in waves, and he wonders how he didn’t notice it before when he was holding you in his arms. He isn’t the guilty type, never has been, but as you run up the beach and away from him he feels almost sick with shame.

You don’t come back to the beach with the next storm. Or the next one, or the next. But Joshua still waits.

It shocks him one night, after not seeing you for well over a week, to feel your presence in the water again. It’s not unusual for Joshua to feel a human presence in the water, but it is unusual for him to feel yours. He practically feels flooded with concern, racing towards the source of it — towards you.

He’s relieved, at first, to find himself approaching a rather sizable and well-lit boat. He can see you standing there, your dress sparkling in the sun’s dying rays, looking nervous. It makes his heart sink to see you so beautiful and yet so distressed, and he wonders why your family, who surely must know about your fear of the ocean, has brought you out so far.

Even though nothing appears wrong, Joshua can’t help but want to stay nearby. It shocks him how much he’s missed you, and somehow seeing you has only amplified that loneliness. He wishes he could go sing a stupid song and make you smile, seeing the way you’ve tucked into yourself on the boat.

A group of people he can only assume are your family members draw near you. He can hear the laughter even from this distance, and he can see the bottles of beer they hold in their hands. You laugh, too, but it’s awkward at best. He feels his mouth twist into a frown as he decides to draw just a little closer.

You eye the waves warily while your cousins rave about how beautiful the sunset looks. Objectively, yes, the colors are beautiful, but you’re too nervous to appreciate it. Everyone around you has been drinking, celebrating your cousin’s engagement, and you can’t help but think about how far away from shore you are. It sends a shiver up your spine, and you instinctively wrap your arms around yourself.

“Lighten up, Y/N!” One of your cousins says, slinging an arm around your shoulders. “Here, come on, have some beer. You’ll feel better.” The thought of drinking any alcohol makes your stomach twist into knots, and you shake your head. Your cousin, undeterred, shoves the bottle closer to your face, and when you still refuse he playfully jostles you. The boat engine roars to life, the yacht begins to creep forward, and your idiot cousin stumbles and sends you over the edge of the boat — the very shallow ledge you’d been eyeing all night and been hoping to avoid. Your screams are swallowed by the waves, by the sounds and wake of the engine that makes the fabric of your dress tangle around your legs. You thrash wildly, terrified, as the sky continues to darken. The boat’s engine continues to roar, propelling your family forward, and you can’t hear anything other than your own pounding heart and the water as you frantically try to stay afloat.

The water is cold, and your dress is too long, and it’s hard to breathe. For a moment, looking up at the purple sky, you see a single star and think it’s a pinprick of heaven. You’re going to die.

You realize, in the midst of your struggling, that a pair of arms is suddenly wrapped around your waist, holding you up. You turn and find Joshua’s face close to your own, your noses almost touching — and you immediately bury your face in his shoulder, his name leaving your lips in a whimper. You can’t tell if the salty taste on your lips is just from the ocean or from the tears you can’t seem to stop, but you can’t think enough to care. Joshua holds you steady amidst the waves as you cry, gently trying to calm you down, and you notice as he assures you you’ll be safe soon that your view of his back appears oddly blue.

Joshua ducks below the water and swims towards the boat, which has now stalled. Your family is gathered around a lifeboat, trying to untie it, as he brings you to the edge. It almost physically pains him, the way you seem so afraid to let go of him, but he gently guides your hands to the railing of the boat’s ladder, helping you up onto the deck. You continue to cry, and your whole body trembles — Joshua finds he wants nothing more than to climb aboard with you and sing until you fall peacefully asleep, but he knows he can’t exactly explain away his current complexion and webbed feet to your family. He tries to slip away, but your cold, trembling hand latches onto his one last time, your wide eyes meeting his as the water dripping off of the ends of your hair and your dress create a puddle around you. You seem terrified, too terrified to even let him go, but Joshua catches a glimpse of the state of his hands, all glittery blue and webbed and almost translucent, as your family begins to surge towards you. He gives your fingers one last squeeze, offering you a half smile as he lets himself drop below the waves and out of sight.

He tails the boat until he sees you walking on land once more, then allows himself to go back home.

When he gets there, he immediately heads to the large library located in the palace, and redoubles his search for answers — just why is he so drawn to you?

Your parents immediately rush you home and into a warm shower, unable to tell if your shivering is from fear or cold or a combination of the two. Your mother makes you tea and throws your favorite blanket in the dryer, so it’s nice and hot when you get out of the bathroom. They tell you to get some sleep, but you find your mind wide awake even in the dark of your room.

While you were showering, you began to come back to your senses — and with your senses came a multitude of questions, mostly about Joshua. Your eyes drift from your window to your shelves of seashells, to the ones he had given you over the weeks, and you feel your chest squeeze a little. You hadn’t really known how to face him after you had shoved him down into the waves, feeling embarrassed and upset by the whole situation — but that didn’t mean you hadn’t wanted to see him. Josh had somehow wheedled his way into your life, becoming a more integral part of it than you had even realized yourself, and you found yourself missing him and his silly songs and stupid jokes more than you would care to admit.

And then, tonight, you had seen him again in the most improbable circumstances. Just how was he so far out in open water, and why did he disappear from view so quickly when your family arrived? And he swam so quickly, so silently… his skin seemed so pale, almost shining…

The questions flood your mind, keeping you awake until you physically can’t keep your eyes open any longer. You’re grateful that your family lets you sleep in the next day, because you’re awake to see the dawn before you come to the conclusion that you need to see Joshua again, and soon.

It’s evening when you decide to walk down to the beach. The temperature has dropped considerably, so most people aren’t wandering along the shore anymore; you arrive as the sun begins to dip below the horizon line and the wind begins to truly pick up.

It hadn’t occurred to you until you’re sitting on the sand alone that you have no way to reach Joshua, no way to know if he’ll actually be here, and yet you feel assured that he’ll show up nonetheless.

He does, only a few minutes later, as the sky begins to turn orange. He approaches you slowly, cautiously, his hair sparkling with water and his brows knit gently together. As if he belongs there, he takes the seat beside you, and for a long moment neither of you speak — you stare out at the sun setting on the ocean, and Joshua watches you carefully, feeling his heart in his throat. When you finally do speak, you still don’t quite look at him.

“Joshua… just who are you, exactly?” You ask, meekly, staring down at your feet buried in the sand rather than looking at him despite feeling his eyes on you.

“I’m Joshua, of course.” His tone is light but careful, and you let out a short huff.

“I’m serious,” you say. “Last night, how did you just happen to be in the middle of the open ocean to save me, and then just disappear?” You let the wind blow your hair into your eyes, still not ready to look at Josh. Despite this, he reaches out to tuck the strands behind your ear. You swear you feel a tremble in his hand as he does it, and he knows that he is shaking — what he’s about to tell you is still new to him, too, and he still isn’t quite adjusted to it, so he can’t even imagine how you’ll react.

“If you really want to know,” he says, slowly, trying to sound calm, and you can feel the heat radiating off his body next to yours. “Then I’ll tell you. But you have to promise to listen until the end.” Although the implication of his words scares you, you can’t help but nod. You came here for answers, and you don’t want to leave without them.

(Or, frankly, without some understanding between you and Joshua, because after the time you spent away from him you realized you don’t really want that to happen ever again.)

So he tells you. And even if you wanted to get up and leave, you feel rooted to the spot. Neither of you look away from the ocean as he talks, watching the starry waves lapping at the shore. Joshua’s voice has the rhythm of the ocean in it, you think. It’s soothing.

“If you’re a siren,” you start, finally turning to him. “Then shouldn’t you want to hurt me, or something? Isn’t that what siren do?” Joshua sighs, and you wonder why you aren’t even remotely frightened by all this when you think maybe you should be. But, as you look at Joshua and the way his brow furrows, the way he draws patterns in the sand to soothe his nerves, you realize you could never really be afraid of him no matter what he tells you because he’s Joshua. The same Joshua who apologized to a conch and sings to you when you seem upset.

The same Joshua who saved your life only last night, when he could have just let you drown.

“That’s… the more complicated part.”

“More complicated?” You reply, attempting to lighten the mood. He chuckles lowly at that, glancing at you for a moment, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him blush before now. Your acceptance of the situation seems to comfort him somewhat, as the crease between his brows smooths. He lets out a long, slow breath before he speaks.

“Sometimes, apparently, members of the royal family… bond with someone. They think it has to do with preserving bloodlines, or something like that, but you have basically a— um, a mate—”

“Joshua.” He pauses and turns to you. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?” Even though it’s getting quite dark, you can tell your question makes him blush even more furiously. You wish it was daylight because you’re sure it’s adorable.

“Um. Yeah, basically.” You turn back towards the sea, feeling your own cheeks turning red, and nod once. Even though you asked the question, you hadn’t really expected such a simple answer, and yet with how overwhelming the situation is as a whole, that simplicity brings you some solace. Somehow, despite it all, you feel calm with Joshua beside you. You look out over the wide, dark expanse of water, and for the first time in years you don’t feel fear. After all, if Joshua comes from the sea, it couldn’t possibly be so bad as you once thought, could it?

You feel his shoulder brush against yours, and accompanying it are butterflies taking flight in your stomach. You may not be in love with Joshua, but you can’t deny that you feel drawn to him — that when you’re around him, you have the feeling that everything is going to be alright; even when you were almost drowning, as soon as you saw him you knew you were safe.

You may not be in love with him now, you think, but you certainly could be.

After a moment that feels much longer than it was, you shift your gaze from the water to Joshua — patient, wonderful Joshua, who looks at you with fondness and concern, and who waits for you to make the next move. You can practically feel anxiety rolling off of him in waves, and so you take his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers.

“Okay,” you say, smiling and leaning your head onto his shoulder. “I can work with that.”

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #joshua hong #joshua scenarios #kpop fanfiction #kpop texts #kpop writing #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #my writing

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insomnihan · 5 years

Text

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Deja Vu”

youtube

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY TIME HAS COME 2.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FULL INSOMNIA MODE DONT. LOOK. AT. ME.

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG OKAY LETS JUMP RIGHT INTO IT i wasnt expecting something lowkey sad BUT im not mad at it!!!!!!!!!! i had conflicting emotions when i desperately wanted to cry but also headbang?????? HOWEVER thanks to force and air the tears in my eyes were drying as i headbanged- LIKE this song really PUT ME THROUGH IT like that chorus didnt have tO DO ME LIKE THAT™!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEN THE VERSES AND THE PRE-CHORUSES WERE SLOW (and the bridge but bridges be like that in nearly all songs) WHICH IM ACTUALLY REALLY INTO it was like being in a roller coaster with the verses being the slow hill and the chorus was the fall THAT PIANO GOES HARD...................... but like in a soft way????? DONT ASK ME WHAT IM SAYING IS IM A HOE™ FOR PIANO THOSE DRUMS DURING THE CHORUS STOP IT I CANNOT I FELT THEM VIBRATE THROUGH MY BONES

like i DEADASS have nothing to criticize or change about this song its PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS (except for like more gahyeon and dami????? pls??????)

siyeon starting the song.......................... thank you.............. I STILL STAND BY SAYING I WOULD LISTEN TO HER VOICE FOR LITERALLY FOREVER HER VOICE DURING THE CHORUS QUEEN OF SINGING CHORUSES OH BUT THEN THAT HIGH NOTE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? SHE DIDNT HAVE TO KILL ME LIKE THIS BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH I- and now....... im in the deja vu P L E A S E

gaaaaaaaahhhyeeeeeooonnnn her voice is so pretty!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!! HOWEVER youre the second one to sing with this beautiful gentleness of a part and to be honest this part paired with siyeon starting it really eases you into the song and its quite the blessing to hear thanks- and then yknow this part right after handong........................... Heaven™

SPEAKING OF HANDONG LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AMOUNT OF LINES SHE HAS MAKES ME WANNA CRY OKAY THIS PART RIGHT HERE............................. PLS.............. (i think its just me but theres a smaller voice singing like right under her voice????) HER PRE-CHORUS PARTS ARE LITERALLY THE BEST PARTS IN THE WHOLE SONG TO LISTEN TO pls believe me when i say this its NOT bc shes my ultimate bias like i genuinely like her parts the most

sua pls i was already prepared for softer vocals and you really gave that to me and then this is absolute perfection they were beautiful and amazing OF COURSE got me feeling like i was floating on actually clouds god TAHNK YOU AND THEN YOU JUST HAD TO HIT ME WITH YOUR PART RIGHT HERE???? i understand its just the chorus but I Felt That™ okay!!!!!!

JIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i stand by saying how your voice be powerful as hell still even during these lines VERY short but VERY effective and very good leading into the chorus i love- and then your bridge....................... B I C T H really put me in my feelings but i welcome it with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING and with open arms.......................

YOOHYEON AKA THE OTHER QUEEN OF SINGING CHORUSES I MEAN..................................... I LITERALLY DUNNO WHAT TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE THEIR BEAUTIFUL SOUNDING HER VOICE GOES WELL WITH THEM like i really like the parts she sings after siyeon like................. Y O O F if a feather became a voice-

i need more dami too..................... P L E A S E like obviously with their other songs i was expecting dami to be in the second verse and with a smooth rap section and the former was correct HOWEVER to my pleasant surprise SHE SANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her singing voice suited this SO MUCH and im actually glad there wasnt a rap part at all in this song especially that SECOND PART.................. Heaven™ 2x

my favorite lyrics (x): i know i said handongs were my favorite to listen to but i like these lines dont hurt me

난 이 숨결이 허락되는 날까지 As long as I can breathe 다신 너를 놓을 수 없어 I can’t let go of you again 우린 모든 순간 함께 할 테니 We’ll be together for every moment 내 곁에서 beside me

THE DANCE OKAY IM GONNA DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT ill be referring to THIS PERFORMANCE can we pls talk about how loud the fanchant is im crying and really take it in and all of their talented glory ANYWAY OF COURSE the choreography F UKCING SLAPS just so many different position changes and just alwaYS SO IN SYNC WITH EACH OTHER ITS INSANE ill just list them briefly and keep the points short this is long enough:

THE BEGINNING AND THE END BEING THE SAME...................... CERTAINLY DEJA VU-

SIYEONS TUTTING THING THANKS

handongs majestic spin

this and this with how the formation changes and how their arms swing AND the kick

ALSO in those parts in the last bullet i dunno why but i like that move jiu does when she sings IT HITS

i recall sua spoiling literally the first move of the chorus dance in that vlive THE CHORUS DANCE ALL THOSE FORMATION CHANGES LITERALLY MESS ME UP and THIS most important move in the entire choreography and they line up and its SO COOL to look at

when they lie on each other doing yoohyeons lines

handongs part again when theyre in the line and how satisfying it is to watch

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE

LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DANCE FROM START TO FINISH

QUEENS OF STABILITY

sidenote: can we talk about how handong and dami?????? literally spin during their parts????? and they sounded super clear??????

THE VISUALS SO.......................... if you had asked me two days ago (maybe a little bit of yesterday) about how i felt about this video.................. i wouldve mentioned some unpopular opinions regarding the videos look............ i mentioned to gwen @loonapunk that i wasnt TOO into it............ BUT- after finally sitting down to do this long ass post i dont hate it!!!!!!!!!!!! i think bc i have to remind myself that this song (album???? well song-) is for that kings raid game and all the visuals AND story are based off that????? i dunno BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS I LIKE TO WATCH IT

IM TOO BIG STUPID™ TO COMPREHEND THIS STORYLINE AND COME UP WITH MY OWN THEORIES EVEN NOW AND I WOULD L O V E TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU BUT THIS IS LONG ENOUGH AS IT IS SO ILL REDIRECT YOU TO THEORY POSTS (TWO (2) FROM MY GALAXY BRAIN MOOTS) THAT I LIKED:

@highsomnia NITAS POST WHICH I PERSONALLY FOUND ENJOYABLE TO READ SO IF YOU COULD READ THIS YOU SHOULD ALSO READ THAT

@in-somnias ELENAS POST WHICH WAS ALSO AN INTERESTING READ RIGHT HERE

AND THEN THIS ONE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY FROM TWITTER i dont follow her so im not gonna @

AIIGHT IMMA GO CRAZY WITH THESE SHOTS (with only small one/two sentence captions this is LONG ENOUGH):

BICTH I SAW THIS AND KNEW I WAS GONNA GET GOT™ like its just super duper INCREDIBLY PRETTY TO LOOK AT

THIS WILL BE FOREVER ICONIC™ DONT ARGUE WITH ME

this is what the calm before the storm looks like

went back to the mv film making video and turns out they got slippers on under that table love that for them

how in the hell am i supposed to interpret this exchange

okay longer section i think im supposed to interpret this more as a sister bond than a romantic one?????? i remember being taken aback and believed this to be something gay BUT 99.9% OF INSOMNIAS say its gay subtext so ill just put it like that i dunno but like i just wanna say they have beautiful smiles and im love them!!!

a youtuber reacting to this mv saying it just looks like theyre shading each other.................... anyway-

i CANNOT i repeat I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU how Shook™ i was when i saw this for the first time i basically jumped out of my chair i couldnt i-

this mv really led me to believe jiu was the evil one.............................

POETIC. CINEMA.

THE WOMAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. THE FIREBENDER. THE WOLF. LEE SIYEON. pls light me up

Symbolism™................ SYMBOLISM I CANNOT COMPREHEND GO TO THE THEORIES

MORE SYMBOLISM GO TO THE THEORIES

T H E M

NOT ONLY IS THIS VIDEO SUPER AESTHETIC™ BUT THE SEVEN (7) MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD BLESSING US ONCE AGAIN WITH THEIR PRESENCE AND ALLOWED THEIR ROYALTY VIBES SHOOT INTO THE MESOSPHERE INTO REAL LIFE KILLING ALL OF US

THE DANCING SCENES WITH THE TEASER OUTFITS...................................... AT EASE.....................

LITERALLY NO COMPLAINTS MOVING ON:

JIU

L I S T E N KIM MINJI YOURE A FULL PRINCESS this pink fluffy dress with the flower crown in this picture............................ i may have cried- like a lot of people were trying this look to persephone and im HERE for that concept for her and like the white outfit AND black outfit is probably super symbolic again im too Big Stupid™ anyway when i saw that black outfit in the teaser........................... i was attacked jiu with a sword is just EVERYTHING i wanted and more

SUA

LITERALLY I CANNOT- her hair being wavy looks SO GOOD on her THIS BLACK DRESS WITH THE FLOWERS she is always a Serve™ WE KNOW THAT but her visuals just HIT DIFFERENT this time lighter colored hair really suits her and then of course she looks FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC in the dance scenes in the white and the black that low pony tail pls

SIYEON

purple on this woman just shoulders and collarbones out being Beautiful™ ALL THE WHILE staying ON BRAND with herself and was wearing pants good for her G O D i just love the way her hair looks in the white and gold outfits like it just LOOKS PRETTY to me i dunno how to describe it also her with a pony tail WHAT ARE YOU SO PRETTY FOR-

HANDONG

i just................... want closer shots of this.................. CLOSER SHOTS IN GENERAL OF HER ACTUALLY like LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL™ SHE LOOKS HERE I WANNA SEE MORE OF IT??????? PLS??????? nothing gets me weaker than her hair being styled exactly like in the picture i just love that her royalty and regal vibes and looks were FINALLY realized and WAS BROUGHT TO THE FOREFRONT

YOOHYEON

THIS MV MUST CONVINCE ME SHE IS EVIL BY SHOWING HER FOREHEAD first of all the first outfit turning her into an Actual Entire Princess™/Queen™ that red one i dont really understand SHE MAKES IT WORK THO THEN THAT BLACK OUTFIT LISTEN yo it was like getting hit by a whole truck full speed i wasnt ready and i just wanna admire that yoohyeon and gray colored hair is an actual match made in heaven i just have to say-

DAMI

i love this suit and the patten on it so much this outfits color (what is that teal????) and her hair color is such a GOOD PAIRING and on her SHE JUST KILLED ME WITH HER SOLO SCENES i wish i had more to say about her and her outfits but what else can i say other than that she is INSANELY ATTRACTIVE AND I WANT HER TO STEP ON ME???????

GAHYEON

she really broke my neck when i saw her the first time LIKE DEADASS LOOK AT THIS PICTURE i had fallen for her and i cannot get up when i saw this outfit in the other shots like the black top and the see through sleeves but her skirt is like different colors she really Served™ in this outfit bangs usually look cute but in her solo parts she was coming for my heart like miss lee gahyeon pls-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (just short thoughts and point out specific parts i liked lmao)

Intro:

their intros always slap are you kidding me-

The curse of the Spider

i wasnt ready for this bop to slap me in the face on my spotify that chorus didnt have to do that to me THAT GUITAR DIDNT HAVE TO DO THAT TO ME i love the way dami and handong sound in this song i mean wrow-

favorite lyrics (x):

소름이 끼칠 만큼 It’s chilling 도망치고 싶어질 it makes me want to run away 그런 두려움일 테니 such is this fear

Silent Night

B I H C T i knew when i heard this in the highlight it was going to be my favorite one IT REALLY WOKE SOMETHING IN ME these lyrics i cant- gahyeon and handong hurted me with their lower registers Y AL L YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HURTED ME THAT D R O P DID

favorite lyrics (x):

겨눈 칼 끝은 a blade directed at someone 결국 돌아오게 돼 eventually returns 더 다가오지 마 don’t come closer

Polaris

this song is as if i was wrapped in the thickest blanket i got and im resting on the softest bed in the world with a fireplace going nearby and i could finally rest peacefully bc the lord knows i need it- i really cried a little bit listening to this pls leave me be i legit cant pick a specific member i liked the most for this song i just love it and everything it got

favorite lyrics (x):

그게 너라서 행복해 I’m happy that it’s you 그 많은 인연 속에 Among those numerous connections 수많은 사람 중에 Among those numerous people

LIKE im so completely satisfied with every song on this album and im completely in love with it!!!!!!!!!! the only ‘issue’ i really had was with the mv visually but as you read i warmed up to it lmao LIKE IM JUST SO PROUD OF THESE WOMEN AND HOW TALENTED AND HARDWORKING THEY ARE like i have to say the japanese release?????? and this????? being so close to each other????? you telling me they learned TWO (2) different choreographies one after the other???? i absolutely love this album and i desperately desperately DESPERATELY want so much more success for them bc ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is supposed to be just about the overall mv and deja vu but i might as well just type what i feel lmao

IN CONCLUSION: MY INSOMNIA ASS IS BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD BUT MOSTLY ALIVE I LOVE THIS IM STREAMING

i have to bring this back its relevant again:

#THREE (3) DAYS IN THE MAKING #it took longer bc ive been having the worst stomachaches rn #it probably shows in this post lmao #but anyway Y E A H im love them #LETS GET THIS BREAD #if you read all of this i appreciate you #dreamcatcher #han.txt #han's mv afterthoughts

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solastia · 6 years

Text

Faith | 6

Chapters: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Word Count: 2,600 (short, but good)

Genre & Warnings: Angst, fluff. Smut free chapter.

Notes: One more official chapter left. Maybe a Namjoon POV if y’all want it. I might be able to be talked into drabbles if you’re nice.

Silence.

That’s all you’d heard from Namjoon for the past week. He wasn’t answering the calls or texts you’d sent, although you knew that he’d at least read them. There hadn’t been any sightings of him on the gossip channels either. It was like he’d disappeared, but you knew he was probably at his Mom’s or the hotel. You’d considered trying to stop by the room, but you’d envisioned horrible enough scenarios to talk yourself out of that. You also knew that appearing at his Mom’s when even his family didn’t know about Faith would just make the situation worse. So you backed off. You knew he’d come to talk to you when he was ready.

Still, the waiting was not easy.

Even knowing that Namjoon would never do something like snatch Faith away, you still thanked the powers that be for you having a job in a daycare where you were able to keep an eye on her at all times. Even if Namjoon himself wouldn’t do it, there were still plenty of people around him that very well could.

You were so upset with yourself. All of this could have been avoided if you had been less of a coward and trusted him a little more. At the same time, you were still a little happy he’d gotten to fulfill his dream and live his little rich and famous lifestyle without baggage. At least now, if he forgave you at least, you’d be able to go forward without worrying about him thinking he’d missed out on anything.

You sigh wearily, reminding yourself to buck up and focus on work. Snacktime was not a good time for self-reflection.

“Come on, Monkey.” You pick up Faith and strap her in booster chair next to you, setting out her apples and cheese. She munches away, happily unaware of the drama happening in her life. God, you hope Namjoon chooses to at least want to see Faith. This little girl would be so blessed to have a father like him.

Your phone vibrates, and you take the chance to look at it, quirking an eyebrow when you see that it’s from Keisha’s Instagram. She’d followed you last week, no doubt to try and keep tabs on you, and you’d followed her right back to show you weren’t afraid. You don’t know why you bothered to check the update right now other than morbid curiosity. It was probably just yet another selfie that was 75% boob.

The picture is of her in a familiar looking bed, the sheets drawn up to just barely cover her, but low enough to tell she wasn’t wearing anything under it. She was grinning smugly into the camera. You inhaled sharply when you realized that she wasn’t alone. It was just the back of him, but there was Namjoon. He was shirtless and turned away from her, most likely asleep, but the implications were clear. And by Keisha’s expression and the fact that she posted such a photo publicly, she wanted you to see it.

Message received.

The rest of your day went by in somewhat of a blur. You finished work and drove home. Took the dog for a walk around the complex. Fed and bathed Faith. Got her to bed and asleep with minimal fuss. When everything else was done you sprawled across the couch and stared at the television. You couldn’t focus enough to watch anything, but it was better than silence. Snoop jumped up and settled between your legs, staring up at you with a gaze that suspiciously looked like sympathy. Great, even the dog knew you sucked.

Just as you’re about to give in to your exhaustion and doze off, a knock sounded at your door. The pattern was familiar, and you couldn’t help a quick fond smile over how music was so ingrained into his soul even his knocking was a catchy beat. You release a tense breath before unlocking the door and open it to reveal a very rumpled looking Namjoon.

“Hey.”

“Hi. You wanna come in?”

“Sure. Cool.”

You open the door wider to allow him to come inside, cringing inwardly at the awkward beginning. Still, at least he was here.

Snoop made his presence known, jumping all over Namjoon and knocking him over onto the couch.

“Hey there, little man. Jesus, you’ve gotten a little chubby, huh? Mom’s been feeding you well?” Namjoon chuckled as Snoop rolled onto his back and demanded belly rubs on his admittedly bigger than usual tummy. Although that could be blamed on Faith, who thought it was hilarious to throw her lunch on the ground for him to eat.

Namjoon sighed, patting Snoop one last time before turning to you.

“Is she asleep?”

“Yeah. I try to have her in bed by eight every night.”

He nods, looking nervously at his hands.

“That’s good. I’d like to see her, but this makes it easier to...talk.” Namjoon ruffles his hair and sinks into the couch a bit. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“I can at least start by saying sorry. I know it can’t erase anything, but I truly am sorry. I made a decision that affected you without your knowledge, and that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have let my fears of what might happen influence me.”

You plop onto the other side of Snoop, grateful for the little buffer to help calm your nerves. Namjoon thinly smiles at you before nodding.

“Thank you. I’m still hurt, and it’s probably going to be hard for me to trust you like I used to, at least for a while. But, I had a lot of time to think this past week, and I think I understand your reasoning. I don’t think that would have happened with us, though. You were my whole world, and you having my child would have made me the happiest person alive. It would have just motivated me to work harder. I’m probably always going to be a little upset with you for the time I lost with her, I’m not going to lie, but I think we can move past this. I want to try.”

Your stare at Namjoon in shock, hope trying desperately to fight its way into your heart.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m mean I’m as in as I ever was. I want you, all of you. I want to marry you and be a father to my child. Maybe give you a few more.”

You blush wildly, the image everything you’d ever dreamed. But...

“What about...I thought you’d gotten back with Keisha?”

“Oh, you mean that picture? Naw, she got someone to give her a key to my hotel room and posed while I was asleep. Creepy as hell. Told her that too. And now thanks to Trey, I don’t have to deal with her at all anymore.”

“How so?”

“Trey was getting ready to release his debut album. He’s really talented, and I’m really excited for him. Apparently, he offered to give her a verse and let her be in his MV. She dropped me so fast it was hilarious. She got off the phone with him and said, “Sorry, Nam Nams. This could be it for me, you know. It’s been real.” Then she just waltzed off. I mean, I knew she didn’t have any actual feelings for me, so it’s not that much of a surprise. I’m just sorry for Trey because now his debut’s success is reliant on her not fucking up.”

“So, just like that? She’s gone? Seems...I don’t know. A little anticlimactic,” you frown. The woman you’d met seemed like she’d fight until the end.

“Babe, this is real life, not the movies. Did you expect her to melt after throwing water on her? Or, what was that one lifetime movie you made me watch? The sister drugged the husband until she was knocked up or something and then she tried to kill the wife?” Namjoon chuckled, looking at you fondly.

“Yeah, okay. I got it,” you roll your eyes, before taking a deep breath as you felt some of your burdens fall right off your shoulders. That was at least one worry done. It still seemed too good to be true, but maybe Namjoon was right, and you just watched too much damn television.

“She went where there was the most chance for her to get famous. That’s all I was for her, and I knew that.” Namjoon shrugged.

The silence that followed was pleasant now, comfortable. Snoop reveled in the attention as the two of you pet him while you collected your thoughts.

“So what now?” Namjoon finally asked softly. You glance up and meet his eyes, eyes that were surprisingly full of hope and want. God, you did not deserve this man.

“I think that should be up to you. I’m the one that messed up here, so I will take whatever you can give,” you tell him hesitantly. You wanted to tell him you wanted everything, all of it, your entire soul belonged to him. But you’d lost the right to demand anything. You’d happily do whatever he wanted.

“We’ll take it slow at first then? Date a little, get to know Faith. I still have a couple weeks here that we can use to figure things out. I’d like to eventually let my family meet Faith. I kinda already blurted out her existence to them the other day. They are excited about her.”

“That sounds reasonable,” you nod. Fuck, his family probably hated you now. It was such a shame because you adored them.

“So...how much touching is allowed when one is taking it slow?”

You gape at Namjoon, surprised to find him wearing that look. The look that was so filled with dark promise and love. You wanted to weep because you’d thought you’d never see it again.

“Once again, up to you,” you responded, your voice thick with unshed tears.

“Cool. Get your ass over here and cuddle me then,” Namjoon smirked and gently pushed Snoop off the couch, hauling you closer so you were draped on top of him. He wrapped his arms around you, practically crushing you to his chest. The both of you released contented sighs as you just relaxed and enjoyed each other, watching the television silently.

“Are you staying the night?” You finally ask after about a half hour, knowing you needed to ask now as you were dangerously close to falling asleep.

“If that’s alright. I’d like to meet Faith in the morning.”

“That sounds good. Cuddle in the bed then? I’m too old to sleep on the couch.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says quietly, but with a little soft smile that showed off one of his dimples.

You jump up and hold your hand out to him, pulling him into the room and the exact bed that you’d once shared. His snores soon brought you the best nights sleep you’d had in that bed since he’d left.

You were finally awakened when the sun was hitting you right in the face. That struck you as odd for a moment, but you couldn’t remember why.

You kept your eyes closed but slowly sat up, stretching your arms and arching your back. You managed to crack your eyes open a bit and looked around, your mind finally starting to catch up with you.

The sun in your face was weird because it had been so long since Faith had let you sleep past six. It was always dark when you started your day. Which led to you realizing that Faith was not in her crib and you didn’t hear her.

Namjoon wasn’t in your bed either.

You shot up and jogged out of the bedroom in a panic, not really sure what it was you feared yet, only to freeze once the dining room comes into view.

Faith is in her high chair, giggling and covered in different colored globs of food. Namjoon is sitting in front of her, also covered in food, but making up some rap about the wonders of fruits that she seems to enjoy enough to open her mouth for another bite.

“Good morning,” you snort as you grab some wipes out of the nearby diaper bag and stalk towards the pair.

Namjoon is absolutely beaming as he smiles at you, and Faith smacks her lips in demand for a kiss, which you give her after wiping her face a bit.

“Morning, babe. She woke up a few hours ago, and I wanted to let you sleep in. I think she likes me. Aside from our battle to figure out what baby food she likes. Which, we decided that the peas suck.”

You laugh and eyeball the chucks of hardening green stuff all over his shirt.

“I can see that. You have to trick her. Give her a toy to distract her then shove a spoonful in there.”

“That’s sneaky but smart.” Namjoon chuckles then waves another spoonful of applesauce towards Faith, who accepts it without a fight.

“She also let me change her diaper. I think I put it on wrong, but so far she doesn’t seem to mind. Wasn’t as gross as I thought it would be.” Namjoon bounced happily as he told you all of his accomplishments. You sneak a peek towards Faith’s seat, and sure enough, the diaper is on backward.

You snort and bump him with your hip. “You wanna see gross, you should have seen her newborn diapers. I thought I’d killed her when black stuff came out of her. Didn’t read about that happening beforehand,” Namjoon’s look of horror made you giggle, and you walked towards the kitchen to start your coffee.

That was already made. And also surrounded by four open containers of baby food, obviously rejected.

You shake your head fondly and make yourself a cup before leaning with your back against the counter, watching the two.

You wanted to cry because it was so perfect. Namjoon was so very happy just being able to do something as simple as feed his daughter, so proud of himself. He was so good with her and she seemed to like him just as much. That you’d nearly messed things up so much that you would have never gotten see how cute they were together made you want to sob.

“She’s probably going to need a bath because we both have peas and weird pasta stuff dripping off of us. I can take care of it if you want? I promise not to break her,” Namjoon asks earnestly, watching you with big eyes as Faith further dirties herself with the unattended spoon of applesauce.

You laugh and wave him towards the bathroom.

“Have at it, handsome. I’ll make breakfast. Waffles okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

Namjoon picks up Faith and comes over to kiss your cheek. The vision of two adorable dimpled smiles shining down on you with happiness fills your heart with joy.

#kwriterskollection #kpopwritingnet #btswriters #bts #bts fanfic #Namjoon fanfic #bts angst #bts fluff #namjoon angst #namjoon x reader #namjoon scenarios #bts scenarios #rapper!au

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

Text

Home (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: this song is inspired by an uprising band in my country called Insomniacks - Pulang (which means "come back" or "come back home") They started of as a YouTube band and wrote their own songs too! This story is inspired by their MV. If you have spotify you can listen to it, I believe that to all Kpop fans out there, language wont be a barrier to appreciate good music ❤

Also, this story is not finished yet. Think of it as a part 1 if you may. (Its a oneshot actually) I havent finished it yet but I haven posted for such a long time so I just want to post this first. This is not throughly edited yet. will fully edited once I posted the whole thing but hope you enjoy it since im a bit rusty now.

ITS DONE GUYS. ITS THE COMPLETE STORY

Warnings: Rape Scenes

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

"What is this story about?" Taehyung lazily thumb through the script on the table in front of him.

"In the nutshell, about an unrequited love. A lot of cheating, hurting and how the main female character gets over it. You will play the man who broke her heart," his manager explains briefly. "I know, I know. Its sounds like a typical love story. But its good exposure for you to start taking roles in a romantic drama. Armys would love that,"

"Hmm, I guess?" Taehyung, still thumbing through, not really believing his manager's words.

"And its also by an award winning writer and publisher. And she will guide the director all the way. Its going to be a hit Tae," his manager desperately tries to convince him once again.

"Yeah? Who is this award winning writer and publisher?" Taehyung looks at him, curious.

"You will surely know her. Shes too famous not to be known by anyone," the manager grins, sure that Taehyung wont say no once he heard the popular name. "Its L/N Y/N,"

"What?" Taehyung turns his head so fast it gives him a whiplash

"L/N Y/N. Shocking right? But your trusty manager manage to get you the role in her movies!"

"Y-Y/N?"

/////

"Y/N!"

Y/N pushes her glasses up her nose as she turns around to the source of the voice and saw one Kim Taehyung walking, no, sauntering over to her like he owns the school. Well, in some way, he really does owns the school. Everyone knows who Kim Taehyung is. Not just in the school, but in the whole town. Granted, its a small town, but Kim Taehyung just leave a mark on everyone he met. Guys wants to be him, or atleast gets close to him and girls will do anything to date him, parents admires him and teachers adores him. People would do anything just so for him to know their name, or even just hearing him call their name, which in some miracle, he is calling hers.

"M-me?" Y/N points to herself as Taehyung flashes her his incredible grin that could melt hearts, hers not an exception.

"Who else princess? I dont know any other Y/N," he smirks and hugs her waist, walking by her side, which turns all eyes on her. If it wasnt her in this surreal position, she would be staring too. Kim Taehyung with his hands around a girl's waist? Even worse, a nobody, nerdy, smarty pants who has her nose in a book all day. The girl who doesnt even have a single friend throughout her high school years?

"I-uh.."

"Speechless?" Taehyung winks. "Well, thats how I feel when I first saw you too princess,"

"W-what?" Y/N makes a sudden stop in the middle of the hallway the moment those words came out from his mouth and pushes her glasses back up on her nose, taking a good hard look at Taehyung who is still smirking at her. "Is this a dream? I'm dreaming arent I?" She lets out a loud laugh. "Yeah, that must be it. I'm dreaming. I'm in my bed right now, under my blankets, in a deep sleep. There is no way Kim Taehyung knows my name, is walking beside me, hugging my waist and calling me princess. Yeah, a dream. Definitely a dream," Y/N babbled on her own and Taehyung cant help but admire how ridiculously adorable she is. Y/N reached out her hand and touched his face. "Even in my dreams you look so ethreal," she smiles. "And you feel so real too,"

Taehyung burst out laughing. Oh wow, she really thinks shes dreaming.

How-freaking-adorable.

He leaned in and whisper to her ears, "Keep on touching me princess, and something else might go down today," he winks as his smirks gets bigger.

Y/N smiles.

"This is really an amazing dream," she giggles. Shaking his head and laughing, Taehyung slowly leans in, one hand cupping her chin and the other holding the back of her neck as his lips softly touches hers. Wide eyed and surprised, Y/N touched her lips once Taehyung pulled away, smiling.

"Still believe its a dream princess?"

"D-did you really just kissed me?" She stuttered, eyes still wide.

"Yes. And theres a lot more where that come from," Taehyung grins and leans in to whisper in her ears, his warm breath grazing her ears, finally making Y/N realized that she is definitely not dreaming, and Kim Taehyung did really just kissed her. "Oh princess? You better believe that all this is real. You are mine now,"

/////

Everything become official so fast. Taehyung was the perfect boyfriend.YN still couldnt believe it sometime. That she is Kim Taehyung's girlfriend. That Kim Taehyung is really, sincerely, happily in love with her.

Their relationship was happy and perfect. Taehyung never gave her any reason to doubt his feelings for her. They are the perfect couple, even her parents approved. Even when Taehyung was accepted as a trainee, something she never thought would happen.. oh who is she kidding, with that face and talent, of course he would get casted, no miracle there. But what is a miracle is how Taehyung's feelings for her never changed even when he is on the brink of fame, stress and debuting.

Things between them only starts to shake when Taehyung starts to get close to another trainee. Beautiful, talented Min Soo. Y/N trusts him, she really does. But theres also a limit on how much a girlfriend can take to see her boyfriend being close to another girl. Especially a beautiful one that matches him in every way.

What is once a peaceful relationship, starts to be filled with fights and doubts. Especially when Taehyung starts to pay more time and attention to Min Soo, under the false excuse of practicing and rehearsing. Dates cancelled everytime Min Soo called has been a norm to Y/N now, but she thought things were different when Taehyung suddenly asks her out on a super romantic date night. She strongly believe that Taehyung is finally realizing his mistake and is making it up to her.

Dressed to the nines and brimming with excitement, Y/N waited for her beloved boyfriend. She almost thought that Taehyung would cancel last minute like he usually does, but he showed up just in time and impecabbly dressed too. The night went well. Great even. Taehyung was romantic, sweet and everything he is when they first met... until Min Soo calls him, asking for his help for a cheaography.

"Really Tae?" Y/N pouts. "Cant you just tell her that we are on a date? You spend all your time practicing, I barely even see you this week,"

"Princess, you know this debut is important to me and Min Soo is helping me. Its only right that I helped her with hers too," Taehyung sighed, too tired to argue. Its like this every single damn time and he is exhausted.

"But Tae.. you promised that this will be our night. Please Tae? Just tonight. Spend it with me?" Y/N hold his hand and looks at his face softly, trying to find back the man Taehyung once were. The man that made her fall so madly in love before.

"This is work. Dont you understand?! You know how important this is to me!" Taehyung sighed, his voice slightly rising.

"I know it is Tae. But arent I important too?" Y/N tries to control her sadness. "I'm only asking for an hour or two. I'm sure Min Soo can wait,"

"Shes important to me Y/N! I need to do this!"

Y/N's mouth hand open. Did he just said what he just said? Did Taehyung really just said she?

"S-he?" She repeated his words. "She as in Min Soo? Shes more important to you isnt she?"

"N-no. You know what I meant. I meant this is important to me! My career! You said you will be supportive Y/N! You know I am doing this for us. For our future!"

"Supportive in your career, yes! Not supportive when your boyfriend is out with.. with.. another bitch!" Y/N yells out. With her good girl reputation, she never cursed. Not once, but she cant handle it anymore. Her heart is breaking with every second they soend arguing.

"What did you call her?" Taehyung growls.

"A bitch! I called her a bitch! Thats what she is Tae! Shes stealing you away from me!" Tears already rolling down her cheeks. Taehyung will usually do anything to make sure Y/N never cries, but apparenty tonight is nit one of those time. This time he is fuming with anger and he dont even know why.

"Y/N, I'm warning you. Dont call her that!"

"Why? Because shes your girlfriend now?! Then what am I? Why are you even with me right now?!"

"God, what part cant you understand. Its fucking work! And work is important to me!"

"Oh bullshit Tae! Just admit it! Its not work thats important! Its Min Soo! Just be a man and admit it!" Tears are no longer containable and is streaming wildly down Y/N's face. Taehyung kept quiet for a while, most probably thinking and after a while, with a sharp glare he opened his mouth.

"She is so much important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?"

/////

"Oh Hyun Joo? What are you doing here? Did Tae sent you here?" Y/N smiles at him as the car stopped by her side and the windows rolled down to show Hyun Joo's big innocent smile. She knew it. There is no way Taehyung would leave her alone like this. Maube it really just work. An emergency. She should make it up to him tomorrow.

"Yeah he did. Come in," Hyun Joo smiles and unlock the door for her to climb in.

Without hesitation and doubt, she climbed into the car. Hyun Joo is Taehyung's best friend. She kust be important to hin if he sent his best friend to get her. The pain fron Taehyung leaving her alone in a dark, unknown place starts to melt away. She just loves him too much. After Taehyung asks her to get out from his car, Y/N was left alone in the dark scary road, far away from anywhere and her phone batteries had ran out. Scared and terrified, she walks along the darkened road, trying to find safety, still believing that Taehyung will come back. Maybe she can make Taehyung treat her to ice cream and a nice date to make up for tonight. She knows she shouldnt be forgiving him so easily, but what can she say. Shes whipped for him. Taehyung is her everythinf. She will forgive him in a heartbeat the moment he apologizes. Lost in thoughts, it took Y/N a while to realized that it has started to rain heavily and Hyun Joo has stopped the car.

"Why are we stopping? Is something wrong?" She looks over at the man, concerned.

"Yeah. We have a flat tire. Sorry, but i have to change it. Do you mind coming out with me and holding the umbrella for me?"

"Of course I will do that," she smiles and gets out in the heavy rain, holding the huge umbrella over the two of them as Hyun Joo crouched down to the tires. After a few minutes of fussing over, he suddenly stands up and turns to face her, eyes dark and changing.

"H-Hyun Joo? Everything okay?"

"Do you even know how beautiful you are?" He hold the handle of the umbrella, hands gripping over hers. "Why is Tae such an idiot? You are a million times better than Min Soo,"

"H-Hyun Joo? Why are you acting like this? I-is everything okay?" Y/N starts to panic. Her heartbeat starts to beat faster as she realized that shes in the middle of no where and no one to help her. But Hyun Joo wont do anything right? He must be playing around. He's Taehyung best friend. This must be a joke. Nothing else. Just a joke.

"Everything is definitely okay, princess," Hyun Joo smirks. The pet name coming out from his mouth sounded so sinister to her ears. "Now that I finally got you alone, everything is more than okay," he grins and grips her hand, pulling her and pushed her into the backseat, making Y/N fall helplessly on the seat, startled. "Why Taehyung huh?! Why Tar princess? I've been waiting for you for years! And one look from that luing, manipulating playboy and you are suddenly head over heels in love with him?!" He yells as he leans in, forcefully trying to kiss her but Y/N tilt her head dodging his face.

"Hyun Joon no! Please dont!" In panic she managed to kick him hard and pushed him before scrambling to the other side and runs out from the other door. Now more enraged from the kick, Hyun Joo chases after her, lust now combined with anger.

"You bitch! You wont get away with this!" Hyun Joon is not the school's athlete for nothing as he catches up with her so easily and drags her back to the car. Although she tried to wriggle and scream, doing everything she can, Hyun Joon is noticably stronger, overwhelming her in a second. "Stop resisting princess and it will be just as enjoyable to you. I can make you feel so much better than Taehyung can,"

Y/N spits in his face as one last attempt and that just resulted in making him angrier, making Hyun Joo pushed her down on the wet, dirt road.

"I tried to be nice to you princess, but you want the rough way huh? You like it rough?" He towers over her and slaps her multiple times, adding a few punches in order to weakens her resistance.

"D-dont please dont. Help. Somebody help!" Y/N screams as loud as she can but the rain drowned out everything. Using his strength, he captured both of her hands and use the other hand to ripped open the top of her dress.

"T-Taehyung... save me. P-please. I'm sorry," was the last thing she managed to whisper out, as tears that streams down her face mixed up with the heavy rain, closing her eyes tight, already numb from the pain and cold, blocking the smirk on Hyun Joo's face from her eyes.

/////

"Its okay. She wont know. And you know you are meant to be with someone like me," Min Soo smile. Shes beautiful, thats for sure. And just like all the other teenage boys out there beauty is everything. So, erasing Y/N entirely from his mind, Taehyung leans in, his lips touching her, hands roaming at the hem of Min Soo's shirt as hers fiddled with his buttons.

Its okay. Y/N wont know a thing.

/////

Taehyung woke up smiling the next day. He had spent an amazing night with Min Soo and he still has his amazing girlfriend. He loves Y/N, he really does. But temptation is everywhere. And he is just a young hot blooded man. All he has to do today is make up to Y/N with some nice date and all will be okay again. He is sure of it. Y/N was never able to resist him. She will forgive him in a heartbeat and everything will go back to the way it was. He is sure Hyun Joo has taken her home safely last night anyway.

However, he cant find Y/N anywhere the next day. He tried calling but her phone is shut down. Is she sick? Maybe. Taehyung will just go and see her after school then. He tries to find Hyun Joo, wanting to know if everything goes well after he asks him to get Y/N, but his best friend is also not in sight.

Weird.

After the first period, rumors starts to buzz that Hyun Joo is arrested, for what, none of the students are sure. Some says murder, some says vandalism, but nothing is for sure. Puzzled, Taehyung tried to get some information about his best friend, but no one tells him anything. Even Hyun Joo's parents refused to speak to anyone or try to clarify things.

More confused about whats going on in school today, Taehyung decided to immediately went off to Y/N's house, knowing he will feel much better the moment he saw her beautiful smile. He definitely didnt expect to be greeted so coldly by Y/N's parents as they opened the door.

"Hi Mr and Mrs L/N. Y/N didnt come to school today so I came to visit her. Is she okay?" Taehyung flashed his signature boxy smile. Y/N's parents loves him and is always welcoming and incredibly warm but something felt off today.

"Stay the hell away from my daughter and dont you ever come back here!" Taehyung was taken aback by what Y/N's father just said to him.

"S-sir?"

"I said get the hell out of here and get out from my daughter's life! What kind of a bastard leave a young girl alone in the dark after he promised her parents that he would take her home safe and sound!" Y/N's father yelled and her mother starts crying, which confuses Taehyung even more. Is he that angry over last night? But he didnt leave her alone. He asks Hyun Joo to pick her up!

"Sir! I'm sorry that I have to bail out from the date last night. But something came up! I-"

"Something came up?!" Y/N's father move forward and grip Taehyung's collar. "After everything that happened last night, your reason is something came up?!" Taehyung's eyes widen. Did her father know about him and Min Soo?

"B-but sir. Can I just please see Y/N? I can explain it to her. I called Hyu-"

"Dont you dare mention that name in front of us ever again!" A powerful punch flies over Taehyung's handsome face, making him fall to the ground. "You and your no good best friend better get out from Y/N's life forever if you dont want to share his jail cell!"

With that the door is slammed shut.

Still as confused as ever, Taehyung tried calling Y/N every day and night for a week but her phone is soon out of reach. And after a week, he is met with the news that Y/N and her whole family has moved away.

Y/N moved away. Without a goodbye or a last I love you, she left. His first true love left.

And all Taehyung can think about is the last thing he ever said to her.

She is more important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?

/////

"Y-Y/N, h-hi. Its been so long," Taehyung stuttered. He cant believe Y/N is standing in front of him right now. His first love, his one true love. He tried to look for her for years and failed miserably. She is still as beautiful as he remembered, making his heart skipped a beat. He cant believe shes here now, and... and.. smiling?

"Hi, I'm Y/N. You must be Kim Taehyung? Its nice to meet you," she lets out a smile so warm, it makes Taehyung's heart flutter as much as it hurts that shes pretending that she didnt know him.

"Y-Y/N, its me. Tae. You dont remember me?" He looks at her confused face. "I-I know seeing me again must be terrible for you, but please, dont pretend like you dont know me,"

Y/N starts to furrow her eyebrows at what he is saying, a confused look etched on her face, giving weird looks to her manager who only looks back at the two of them with sympathy.

"I'm really sorry. I dont know what you are talking about. Did we meet before? Maybe I didnt notice you at an event? I'm sorry, but I really cant recall," Y/N smile politely and smile at him. "I-I mean, I know you are from that famous group. BTS right?" Y/N quickly corrected herself, afraid she might have offended the big superstar. Taehyung looks at her, dumbfounded. How can her sincere smile matched with what she is saying?

"Y/N! Why are you doing this?" Taehyung starts to get frustrated. "How can you not remember me?! We are-"

"I'm sorry Mr. Kim, but I think you should come with me for a moment," her manager interrupt, bowing politely to them and smiling at Y/N. Sighing and defeated, Taehyung followed the manager with no complaint, eager to know whats going on. He leads him to a corner, far away from Y/N's confused looks.

"Mr. Kim? Is it safe for me to assumed that you have known Ms. Y/N from way back? Say.. in her teenage years?" Her manager looks straight at his face.

"Yes!" Taehyung quickly confirmed. "We went to the same school together! In fact, I am her b-" Taehyung stop himself once he realized what hes about to say.

"Yes Mr. Kim?"

"H-her boyfriend," Taehyung admitted defeatedly. "From a long time ago. In high school,"

"Wait!" The manager gasps. "Are you saying you are her boyfriend? From her hometown?"

"Yes! Did she talk about me?" Taehyung's face turned into a smile. Maybe Y/N did still have feelings for him if she told her manager about hin right?

"Uh.. no. Not particularly,"

"O-oh.." Taehyung's reaction immediately darkened. "Then why did you ask?"

"Well, uh Mr Kim. Seeing your reaction, I can safely say that you most probably didnt know,"

"Know what?"

"She didnt talk about you not because shes angry.. or hates you... its uh.. its because she cant remember,"

"Cant remember? What do you mean? It doesnt happen that long ago!"

"Ms Y/N.. well.. she uh.. she lost her memory.."

"What?!" Taehyung was shocked. What is this man saying?

"Miss Y/N was involved in an accident. A very... tragic accident," her manager looks at him with sympathetic eyes.

"W-what do you mean? Tell me!" Taehyung shakes his shoulders. "Tell me right now!"

"Uh well... it happened when she was 16. She uh was left in the middle of the night, in the middle of no where. Her parents said it was her boyfriend back then, but it cant be right? Why would a boyfriend left his girl in the middle of no where,"

Taehyung gulps. Memories of that night starts flashing back like a vivid slideshow.

"And I think the person who left her promised that someone will come and get her, because he really needs to go. An emergency, I think?"

"Okay! I fet it. That bastard left her alone! Can you just get to the bloody point?!" Taehyung is getting impatient, making the manager looks at him weirdly at his massive interest in the story.

"Uh well.. I dont know how long she waited, but it started raining heavily, and that person did come.. but uh.."

"What?!"

"She uh.. got raped,"

"W-what?!" Taehyung feels like his world is spinning. Y/N got raped? B-by who? I-it cant be Hyun Joo right? It just cant be! Oh mu god, is that why he is arrested? "S-she what?" Legs shaky, Taehyung almost collapsed but the manager hold him, worried.

"Are you okay Mr Kim?"

"W-what happened?" Taehyung doesbt care about himself. He just wants to know what happened to his baby.

"Uh well. She was raped when shes 16. It was a dark time for her family. Shes a good student, an amazing one, and a good daughter," her manager sighed "but I guess she mingled with the wrong crowd? S-she didnt just got raped. She was beaten half to death by the assaulter. I guess he did that to weakend her before doing the deed? I figured she must have tried to fight back... but a fragile 16 year old girl against a man?" Her manager looks down sadly. The whole night flashed back like vivid memory in Taehyung's mind. The heavy rain, Min Soo's laughter, kisses, the sin he did that night, how he shuts down his phone and slept so soundly that night. All those happening while Y-Y/N got raped? Y/N must have been so scared.

No. She must have been terrified.

She must have called out his name, but he... he wasnt there to save her.

"After everything is done, she was just left there, to die I guess. The injury on her head and body was so severe the police assumed the assaulter was sure she would die and nobody would find her there,"

That fucking asshole! He left her to die? His Y/N? Taehyung clenched his fist so hard, his nails left marks so deep in his palms.

"But her parents sends out a search party when she didnt come home that night. Her boyfriend's phone was shut down too. When they found her, she was barely alive and keep repeating the assaulter's name before passing out. When she wakes up the next day, Ms Y/N has lost all memory. Every single thing up to that night. She can only remember basic things like her parents and her name The doctor said she was badly traumatized and her mind refused to remember what happened. In order to save their daughter from the pain of remembering, her parents thought that keeping her in the blind is the best thing for her and move away shortly after to create a new memory for her somewhere new," her manager finishes off. "I was assigned to look after her. To make sure nothing triggers the pain again,"

"A-are you saying that.. she doesnt remember anything at all? She doesnt... she doesnt have the slightest memory of.. of me?"

"I'm afraid so yes. Mr Kim.. I'm sorry to say.. but to her, you are nothing but a stranger that she just met today," the manager looks at him. "And.. we would gladly appreciate it if you can keep it that way,"

/////

"Mr Kim? Are you even listening to me?" Taehyung snaps back to reality when Y/N waved her hand in front of him, smiling. "I am sorry. My story must be boring," she laughs. Taehyung shakes his head and smile.

"N-no. Not at all. I- uh.. I was just distracted. Sorry, please continue," he smiles and lets Y/N continue her briefing about her story.

"Okay then. Well.. thats about it. But I havent finish the ending yet. I dont know if the female lead should end up with the main lead. What do you think Mr Kim?" Y/N smiles at him. It breaks his heart every single time she calls him that.

"Uh well.. it depends. Your manager said this is based on a true story? So what is the ending to this story?" Taehyung is curious. The storyline is very familiar to their own love story but Y/N is not supposed to remember anything, right?

"Well... to be honest. Its not entirely based on a true story. Its more like a memory," she smiles.

"A memory?"

Y/N laughs. "This might sound silly to you Mr Kim, but I feel like I have been through it. Maybe its a dream I had? I dont know, but everything feels real," Y/N smiles again. "I'm sorry. Its stupid right Mr Kim?"

"N-no. No. definitely not," Taehyung smiles. "But in this dream if yours.. are you happy with that guy? T-the main lead?"

"Well... again, this might sound so incredibly stupid.. but yeah. I am... very happy," she gave a sad smile. "But sometimes I feel sad when I'm around him in my dream. Its as if he has hurt me but I dont know. How could he when he is just a dream right? I dreamt about him most nights, but he never have a face. In my dreams he calls me princess," Y/N laughs out loud as if to tell Taehyung how stupid her dream is. Taehyung felt his heart beating so rapidly, it almost burst out from his chest. Y/N dreamt about him. That must be him. Taehyung wanted to reached out and touched her hand but the look she gave him, a look of a stranger, of one colleague to another, stops him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I mean... it must really be a dream. How can I ever be a princess to anyone. I mean, look at me Mr Kim," she giggles again.

"Princess, I love you," Taehyung smiles at her, hands holding hers tight as they sat under the tree in front of the school field. Y/N blushes.

"I-I... uh," she looks down, face red as a tomato. Its the first time Taehyung ever said I love you to her. "I love you too Taehyung. I really do,"

"Awwww, is my princess blushing?" Taehyung smiles and squeezes her cheeks.

"No I am not!" Y/N blushes hard and hits his chest playfully. "And I am definitely not a princess. How can I be anyone's princess. I mean, look at me Taehyung,"

"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess," Taehyung smiles and leans in softly, kissing her under the tree as the wind blow softly.

"I am looking Y/N," Taehyung whispers softly, his deep gaze boring holes into hers, setting Y/N's heart on fire. "And you are beautiful. Just like a princess," My princess.

/////

"How is shooting going hyung?" Jungkook invites himself to sit besides Taehyung, slurping on his banana milk as Jimin joins in. "I miss you. I dont see you around anymore. Why do you always leave earlier than you need to abd come back later than usual?" The maknae pouts.

"The brat is right Tae," Jimin chimed in, earning a glare from Jungkook. "Stop glaring at me Kook. You dont look that intimidating with banana milk all over your face," Jimin rolls his eyes and turns back to Taehyung. "You are not ditching us for a bunch of "Hwarang Hyungs 2.0" right?!" Jimin starts to panic. As far as he knows, Taehyung co- star is a girl this time. They are not losing him again right?

"No I am not! And stop being jealous of my hyungs. You will always be my best friend Chim," Taehyung winks. "Theres no hyungs this time... but..."

"Oh my god! Are you dating your co- star?!" Jungkook exclaimed with excitement. "Are you finally teaching me how to date? I dont want to learn with the other hyungs, their methods of dating are too x rated," Jungkook scrunched his nose.

"First of all, you are too young to date, so I am not teaching you anything,"

"I am only two years younger than you! And taller than Jimin-hyung!" Jungkook protest.

"Yah! What does height has to do with anything?!" Jimin threw a pillow towards the maknae and Taehyung laughs.

"And two, I am definitely not dating my co- star. I dont even have the slightest interest in her. But... I am trying to date the writer,"

"What?!" Both boys are surprised by Taehyung's bold admittance.

"Oh I didnt tell you? The writer is Y/N,"

"Y.. Y/N?" Jimin tapped his chin, trying to remember the familiar name. "Isnt that the girl from your trainee years? The one you still kept a photo of in your wallet? Shes the writer?!"

"Yeah... and the story I'm staring in is our love story Chim.. but Y/N.. she doesnt remember..."

/////

After spending the next few hours explaining to Jimin and Jungkook about Y/N and what had happened to her, Taehyung was forced to spend the next few hours being scolded and called stupid by his other hyungs after the two loud mouth runs over to Namjoon's studio and tells the leader the whole story, which leads to the whole band knowing which of course means a family meeting where Taehyung was burned at the stake.

"Okay now that we are done telling him what a dumbass he is," Namjoon sighs and turns to him, giving him another smack at the back of his head, "what are you planning to do? Nothing too dumb please?"

"Hyung, I am not dumb!" Taehyung protests.

"Well, all your action so far showed you are," the older man rolls his eyes.

"Fine.. but.. now that I found her again... I want Y/N back. Its fine if she doesnt remember me hyung, I just want to redeem myself. I-," Taehyung sighs. "I still love her. I never stopped loving her. I have been trying to look for her since she moved. Now that I have found her, I need to make her fall in love with me again,"

/////

"Andddd cut! Good job Tae! Thats all for today, see you guys tomorrow!" The director shouted and everyone bows to each other, off to end their long tiring day. Taehyung's eyes immediately spotted Y/N who is packing her bags, ready to leave and rushed over.

"Y/N!"

"Oh Mr Kim, hello," Y/N bows and Taehyung gives out a unsincere smile. He hates it when Y/N treated him so formally, like a stranger. He knows that is exactly what he is to her, but he cant help but remembers all the memories and little things they shared years back. The way she laughs, the way her eyes lighted up when she saw him, the excitement on her face wheb she saw him walking towards her, her giggles and blush when he told her how pretty she is...

"Hello Y/N," he smiles. "Going back already?"

"Yeah I guess," Y/N picks up her bag and starts walking slowly. "But I just need to stop by somewhere first. It has been a looong day for me. And when I had a long day I usually stops for-"

"Ice cream," Taehyung finishes her sentence with a smile.

"Oh my god, how did you know?!" Y/n squeals, amazed and surprised at the same time. "How can you know that ice cream is what I needed Mr Kim?"

"Its a looong day for me today Taetae," Y/N pouts. "I had back to back exams, my english teacher is mean, I lost my science assignment and had to redo it and the history teacher decides to do a pop quiz! I just want to crawl to bed Taetae,"

"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?" Taehyung flashes his boxy smile and grabs her hand.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face," he covers her eyes and uncovers it when they reached the shop. "Ice cream! My treat princess,"

"Well... I think, from now on, everytime I had a long day, I will always go for ice cream then," Y/N giggles as she gigs into her ice cream. Taehyung smile, looking at his beautiful princess smiling so happily. He would give everything for her to always be happy "How do you know that ice cream is what I needed Taetae?"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung winks, making her blush.

"I love you Tae," Y/N giggles. "I dont knkw what I'll do without you in my life. You are my home. No matter how lost I am, I'm okay, as long as you are a part of me. I love you," Y/N leans in across the table and kisses him, and Taehyung has never tasted anything sweeter.

"Mr Kim? Hello?" Y/N waves her hand, taking Taehyung back to the present, his eyes gleaming with unshed tear from the memory. "Boy, you really dazes out a lot. Am I that boring?" Y/N giggles.

"No, definitely not boring. You were saying?"

"I was just asking. How do you know that ice cream is what I needed after a long day?"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung stares deep into her eyes as he said it, her blushing form is a duplicate of that day, years ago, he almost expecting her to say she loves him again.

Just like that day.

But instead Y/N smiles at him.

"Want to come with me and get ice cream then?"

/////

Y/N dont know why he enjoys every little second he spent with Kim Taehyung. He is handsome, thats for sure, but Y/N is pretty sure that is aesthetics is not what makes her heart beats faster than it should. Theres just something about him.

Something... familiar.

She feels happy. And sad at the same time. She feels likes she knows him. She feels as if shes... home.

They had a good time at the icr cream parlour. Taehyung told her a lot of stories about his adventures with his band mates, but he seems to always avoid talking about his past, and Y/N is not one to pry. Afterall, they are strangers, Taehyung is not obligated to tell her anything.

"So Mr Kim, I am guessing you dont have the chance to go out like this often? You know, with you being a universal star and all?" Y/N giggles.

"Yeah. We dont go out like this often. But when we do, we usually go out with each other," he smiles and watch Y/N digged into her ice cream. Cookies and cream, still the same flavor. "You know... we are practically friends now, and we are the same age. Why dont you call me Tae? Or... Taetae? I mean.. I already call you Y/N,"

"T-tae?"

"Yeah," he smiles. "Or Taetae,"

"T-taetae?" The moment that nick name rolled off Y/N's tounge, a surge of vision enters her mind, causing extreme pain in her head.

"Call me Taetae now princess, I am afterall your boyfriend," the faceless man smiles and kisses her forehead. "And thats a special nickname only you can use,"

"Hey Y/N are you okay?!" Taehyung immediately stands up and went to her side when she starts holding her head.

"Y-yeah. I just got a sudden headache. Maybe its a brain freeze from the ice cream," she tries to smile but Taehyung is having none of it.

"Let me send you home okay?" Y/N nodded weakly and Taehyung made sure that she has safely arrives before saying goodbye.

"Take care okay. And take a day off tomorrow if you need it alright?"

"Alright. But I think I will be okay," she smiles and bows. "Thanks. And goodbye.. Taetae..."

Taehyung's face light up the moment she calls out his name, making Y/N blush and rushed inside.

Taetae... why does it sounds so familiar. Who are you Taehyung-ah?

/////

Taehyung was on cloud nine since that ice cream date. Y/N calls him Tae, or Taetae. No more that Mr Kim bullshit, and they spend a lot of time together now. He even had the chance to bring her to lunch to meet the members and of course, just like he expected, they all love her. Taehyung even thinks the maknae is seriously in love with her, but no way in hell hes going to let that happen.

Y/N is his.

Atleast she will be again.

"Miss Y/N, Mr Kim, we will finally be meeting with the actress who played the woman you will be cheating with Mr Kim. We are sorry her scenes has to be delayed because of her her overseas schedule," the production crew informs them as they were having a break. Break time on set is Taehyung's favorite time, because he can pulls his chair and sits besides Y/N, sharing the lunch Seokjin made for him or his manager bought for him, since he refuses to eat outside anymore if Y/N didnt come with . Every second with Y/N is heaven to him and he hope she will still want to stay in touch even after their filming ends.

He cant lose her again. He just cant.

"Oh its fine. I heard shes a good actress, so she can keep up with the filming right?" Y/N asks.

"Yes. Shes a very good actress. Actually Mr Kim, you know her quite well. She used to train with your company before,"

"Oh really?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow. The only trainee he knew that turns into an actress from his training days is...

"Taetae!" Min Soo shouted from the door the moment she saw him, pushing her sunglasses up her forehead.

"M-Min Soo?" Taehyung was taken by surprised as Y/N lifted her head to see the actress who just entered. Upon seeing her face and her excitement in hugging Taehyung, a rush of memories flooded her mind and in a matter of second, Y/N was passed out on the floor, the last thing she hears was the voice of the faceless man in her dreams calling her name.

"Y/N!"

/////

Taehyung rushed to her hospital room, dropping his coffee once the doctor informed him that Y/N is awake. The moment he swing ooens the door, he was greeted wirh Y/N leaning up straight on the bed, glaring at him, face drenched with tears.

"Y-Y/N... y-you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? The doctor says y-"

"Get. Out,"

Taehyung's blood run cold as he heard the icy tone of her voice. What happened? Why is she suddenly like this? Did she forgets him again?

"Y-Y/N? Its me. Taehyung. Tae. Taetae? Y-you dont remember me?"

"No. I remember everything," Y/N starts to sobbed. "I remembered everything now Taehyung! Get out! I dont want to see you! Out!" Y/N yells, throwing whatever she could reached from her bed side and throw it at the dumbfounded Taehyung.

"Y/N no! Baby please. Let me explain!" Taehyung dodge her throws and try to reached oit for her hand but she immediately pull away.

"Explain? Explain?!" She yelled. "You ruined my life Taebyung! I gave you everything! I loved you with every part of me and you left me?! Do you even know?! Do you even know what he did to me?!" Y/N sobs starts to get uncontrolable, sobbing her eyes out. If Taehyung could hurt himself so Y/N's pain would lessen, he would do it. He would do anything to go back to that night and do it all over again. He would treat her right. He would cherish her. He would already be married to her right now.

"Y/N please-"

"He raped me Taehyung!" She sobs. "I remembered everything now. I remembered the pain when he slaps me, punch me. The cold rain on my face. His disgusting face as he.. as he..." Y/N sobs even louder and Taehyung wants nothing more than to kill Hyun Joo if he wasnt already in prison serving his time. "I called your name Taehyung. I called you over and over again. I keep saying I'm sorry. I thought if I didnt pissed you off about Min Soo, if I just apologizes, you would come back. You would come back and save me from that... that monster," she continues to sobs. "B-but you didnt. A-and he keep... he keeps hurting me. H-he keeps touching me. Where were you Taehyung? Where were you?!" Y/N shouted one last time before throwing the flower vase on the bed side, only inches away from Taehyung's head.

Taehyung knew he dont need to answer. Y/N dont really want to know where he is that night. She already knows. But he feels like he needs to explain it to her. To tell her that leaving her that night was the biggest mistake of his life. That saying all those things to her that night... he regrets it all. He wants to tell her he loves her, that he loves her still, that he will protect her now. That he will spend forever to make it up to her.

But everything got stuck in his throat.

"Y/N... I-"

"Get out," her voice cold, eyes closed.

"Y/N, I need t-"

"I said get out Taehyung. Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!"

Her hysyeric screams finally attracts the nurses and before he could say anything else, Taehyung is escorted out. He was never allowed to visir her ever again, and although Y/N didnt ask for Taehyung or Min Soo to be pulled out fron the movie, she never again make an appearance on set.

Taehyung was lost.

Without Y/N he was lost.

And thats when he realizes, Y/N is his home. All these years he keeps holding on. Living life day by day, feeling empty and lost, because at the back of his mind he is still looking for her, looking for a way back. A way back home.

But what is he to do now when his home dissapeared?

Y/N is his home. And he needs to go back. No matter what it takes.

/////

"Today is the last day of the filming. You sure you dont want to go and visit the set? Say thankyou to the crew?" Y/N's manager sat besides her, patting her back.

"I'll just send them a fruit basket. We will do another dinner without the actors one day. Satisfied?"

Her manager sigh and give a sad smile to her.

"Y/N... I know its hard... getting your memories back like that. I know you feel as if all the people that are close to you have been lying to you. But you know we did it to protect you right?"

Y/N looks down and fiddled with her fingers. She actually understands. She really understands it. She herself hopes that she wouldnt remember.

"I know oppa... but... I'm not mad at you. Or eomma or appa... but..."

"You are mad at Taehyung?"

Y/N keep silence, knowing that her manager really knows her best.

"Listen... I dont know exactly what went down between the two of you, but I have put some of the puzzle pieces together. Starting from his reaction in the first day you were introduced to him. I dont know much Y/N... but I know that he loves you," Y/N raised her head at that. "And you... you love him too,"

"What?! No way! I dont!"

"Y/N... you can try to lie to yourself, but you cant lie to me," her manager smiles. "Dont you ever wonder why you only dream happy things about the faceless man? Y/N those dreams... they are not dreams. They are your memories. Memories of you and Taehyung. Happy memories. No matter how hard your mind tries to rejects him by refusing to remember, your heart still remembers him Y/N. Now... just remember back all your dreams.. and remember it hard. You will see that the faceless man is Kim Taehyung, and you will understand that the feelings you had is happiness, love and missing him. Find it in your heart to forgive him Y/N and give yourself a chance to be happy. A home is never perfect, nor does it only give you happiness. A home is a place where you can feel comfortable. It can be a mess, it doesnt have to be perfect, it has its flaws, but its yours. Taehyung is your home Y/N. Come back home and be happy. Thats all I want for you," her manager, who is more like a brother to her gives her a tight hug and leaves, letting Y/N be alone with her messy thoughts.

Y/N sat alone, pondering the words of her oppa that has known her ever since the incident. Who has been by her side, guiding her through her career. Just remember back all your dreams.

Y/N closes her eyes and collect back all her dreams about the faceless man. The faceless man who makes her heart beats faster in her dreams. The faceless men who kisses tastes so sweet, who words can make her smile for days.

"Princess, I love you,"

"Awwww, is my princess blushing?"

"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess,"

"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?"

"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face,"

"Ice cream! My treat princess,"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you,"

"I love you princess,"

"You are mine now princess,"

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen princess,"

Y/N remembers back every single dream he ever had about that faceless man. He always calls her princess. His princess. But its different this time. This time she remembers. She remembers herself, looking back up into the faceless man's deep gaze and smile...

"I love you Kim Taehyung,"

Its Taehyung. Its really is Taehyung. All this while she thought ahes having a fantastic dream of her faraway soulmate. Maybe ut is her soulmate, but he is not that faraway. Not at all. All this while, it was her heart telling her to remember him. To remember Taehyung and all their memories together.

Without hesitation, she grabs her jacket ans ran out not noticing anyone arounds her until she bumps into someone.

"Ow! Look where you are going!"

"You look wh- Y/N?"

Standing in front of her is Kim Taehyung. The faceless man. Her soulmate. Her home.

And she doesnt know what to do but to turn back the other way when Taehyung pulls her hand and stops her.

"Dont go. I am not letting you leave ever again. You can hate me, hit me, kill me, I dont care, I just want to be with you and never ever leave you again," Taehyung pulls her into a tight hug. "Y/N... I love you. I never stop and theres not a second went by that I dont regret that night. You dont have to take me back, but I wont ever leave your side. Ever again. I love you. I love you. I love you,"

Y/N stays in his hug for a moment, tears wetting the front of his shirt. How is it that the man who hurt her so much makes her feel so safe and like she belongs? Is it true what her oppa said?

Is Taehyung really her home?

That one place that is fully hers?

"I-its hard," Y/N sniffles, voice muffled in his tight hug. "I-I understand why my mind refuses to remember you Tae. But my heart is stronger. It wanted me to remember," she sniffles louder, making Taehyung released the hug to look at her face. "I love you Taehyung. There was never a second that I stopped loving you. Even when my mind dont remember, my heart does. I love you too much that what you did hurts me to the core. But I cant live like this anymore. I cant live under the shadows of my past, because between the hurt you gave me, you are also my happiness. I choose to remember. I dont want to forget anymore. It hurts yes, its painful, yes. But I know it now Tae. I know why I always feel so empty even when I cant remember anything. Its because I was never home Taehyung. I need to feel alive again. I need to come home..."

Taehyung looks at her, eyes gleaming with tears from the knowledge that he has hurt the only person he has ever love to beyond repair. He didnt quite understand what Y/N is saying, but whatever it is, he swears he will do anything to make it up to her.

"Tell me what you need me to do Y/N. I'll bring you home. Whatever you need, I'll do it baby. I'll do anything,"

"Tae... you dont understand," she giggles through her tears. "I want to come home. Taehyung...you are my home. And its a mess, a messy, unorganized, abandoned home.. but its mine. Its my home and I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, Taehyung,"

"And wherever you are baby, I will follow. I will never ever leave you alone ever again. Because right here," he points to her heart," is where my home is. I love you..."

Taehyung looks at her with eyes filled with love and determination to make her forget every little pain she ever faced. He will give her the best home she could ever dream of. A home filled only with love, laughter and happiness. And as he leans in to capture her lips, Y/N can feel it too.

"My princess, my home, my everything,"

#bts #bangtan #bangtan seonyeondan #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts tae #bts taehyung #kim taehyung #BTS v #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfic #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario

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nct-ice · 6 years

Text

NCT Ice Collaborations

Note: I made all the moodboards for the concepts of the songs please don’t use them for anything it would be kind of weird if you did.

Hold Up (Ft. SHINee’s Key)

Hold Up was released on April 20, 2015. The members included in this particular song were only Kangwoo and DeeD. It also had Taeyong and Hansol. This song started the storyline of NCT Ice. Hold Up is a dance based song so it has a dance version and a music video. The MV shows the LIGHT side of their storyline.

Basics of the music video:

The MV would show the boys laughing and having fun, being boys if you will. They jump around and shoot each other with water guns, but then the screen goes black. “Hold Up” is written as the breakdown starts and the concept seems to turn dark. The water guns flickered from being “real” to being regular water guns again.

The screen goes black, “hold up” is written again. The boys drop their water guns and run into each other's arms. Kangwoo runs into DeeD’s arms, Hansol into Taeyong’s. As soon as they get to each other Hansol and DeeD turns to dust. The screen flickers and the words, “really come back to me” appear and disappear.

When the screen stops flickering it shows DeeD and Kangwoo crying as Hansol and Taeyong seem to have disappeared. The words “hold up” appear on the screen yet again. Hansol and Taeyong have come back to the other two boys. They reunite with a hug.

The screen turns black and the music stops. Kangwoo is speaking to DeeD. “We shouldn’t of come here, this was not meant to happen. We aren’t supposed to be here”

During most of the music, video Key seemed to be watching the boys in a way that could be deemed as “stalking.” Key also seemed like he was a voice in the boys’ heads.

The video ends with a black screen that says “The story has only just begun.”

Family (Kangwoo X Kang Daniel)

Family was released October 12, 2015, a whole year before NCT Ice’s official debut. The song consisted of only Kangwoo and his little brother Daniel. The storyline of this one shows more of Kangwoo’s side and the song is kind of dark. Kangwoo has admitted that the lyrics are a lot lighter than what the music video shows, however, it is also important to show it. This song was purely story driven and there was no dancing showed at any point in the music video. The song has more of the traditional NCT pop/hip hop sound to it.

Basics of the music video:

It starts the way it began, Daniel desperately trying to reach for his brother as he cries, when it starts there is no sound but rain and weeping. The scene switching back and forth between a hospital scene and the scene before, of the crying younger boy.

Once the music starts, everything seems to go back but it’s eerie as if it wasn’t really how things should’ve happened. Daniel and Kangwoo are playing video games but the screen is static and their eyes looked fixated on each other instead of the screen. Kangwoo throws the controller at Daniel then the scene changes.

The boys are now standing in the street as rain pours down on them, hands interlaced with one another as if they are scared to lose each other. Kangwoo’s eyes seem to darken as the two of them are shaken up. Suddenly the two are ripped apart by an unseen force causing Kangwoo to panic, he clearly doesn’t want to lose his younger brother.

The scene switches, Kangwoo is on his knees, screaming. He’s begging for something. The screen goes black for a moment as the song says “but our love is forever, for we are family.”

It turns back time, Kangwoo is holding a sick Daniel in his arms. He’s running to the hospital with his little brother in his arms, fearful of what may happen. The screen goes black again.

This time it shows Kangwoo in the hospital bed, he’s not bleeding but there is clearly something going wrong, then the music video ends saying “our family is forever.” as it shows the same scene as in the beginning, the crying being drowned out by a wave of text saying “this isn’t over yet.”

Hold Me (Mini ft TWICE’s Momo)

Hold Me was released on August 21, 2016, with NCT Ice member Mini and TWICE member Momo. In this song, the video shows strictly story much like Family did. Momo and Mini play a couple in the music video. The song has more of a slow-paced rock sound different for both Momo and Mini at the time. Both the song and music video are a bit dark, a lot of fans were shocked by the music video, especially TWICE fans as it’s something Momo has never done before. During an interview Mini actually admitted it was him who asked Momo to be on the song as he didn’t like the options SM brought up to him since he knew what the idea was for the music video.

Basics of the music video:

The music video starts with Mini covered in blood and a high pitched sound with bright white lights beaming in the young boy's eyes. He holds his arm over his eyes slightly to cover them from the insanely bright light before him. There’s a loud crashing sound. The scene cuts and when it comes back the two are running through the woods holding hands tightly.

As the two of them are running through the woods you can hear their heavy breathing. Momo trips and Mini instantly stops to help the girl up, not wanting to leave her behind for some reason. They are clearly running away from something, but what? The two of them are bloody as they keep running.

The scene cuts and the music starts, dark and oddly soothing. It shows Momo looking over Mini as he’s staring at his hands, he’s covering up his arms quickly when he sees her. He smiles and kisses the older girl lightly on her cheek. She’s crying at the sight of him, he’s weak and sickly looking.

Momo guides the sick boy downstairs where they sit and eat. He picks at his food as he gets lost in thoughts, the scene cuts and goes into the past to the memory that Mini was reliving.

Mini is laying in the hospital bed as Momo is looking terrified. Mini reaches his hand for her with blurry vision but the doctors won’t let her near him no matter how hard she fights them.

The scene cuts and Momo is now holding the boy in her arms. He’s shaking and bloody. The scene cuts again and it shows the couple in a recording studio. It cuts back to the scene before shortly after, where Mini was shaking and bleeding.

The scene cuts again and they are on a date. They are watching a movie and cuddling, everything seems to be good in this memory but it’s not. They seem to be internally battling with one another as they are cuddling.

The scene cuts and it’s back to the scene of Momo and Mini eating, he suddenly stands up and pulls Momo to her feet as he holds her. The scene cuts and shows Mini in a hospital bed yet again but this time Momo isn’t anywhere to be seen.

The scene then cuts back to the very beginning with Mini covered in blood and covering his eyes with his arm then quietly cuts back to another hospital scene for a short moment you can’t see who is in the hospital bed but something obviously happened to one or both of them.

The music video ends with the sound of a flat line and Mini and Momo having a conversation in weak voices.

Mini: I love you, please forgive me... Momo Momo: You’ll always be forgiven by me, my love Mini: This shouldn’t have happened... Not yet

With that, the music video turns into a black screen that says “I trusted you.”

Heartbroken (ft Suran)

Heartbroken was released January 28, 2019, with NCT Ice members Justin, Haru, and Kangwoo. The storyline is pretty straight forward with this song, it doesn’t follow their normal storyline though, but the story is told fully in one song so it isn’t one that needs to take a series of music videos like their storyline does. Suran is not in the music video but she does sing in the song.

Basics of the music video:

It’s kind of a stereotypical heartbreak song. The three boys were in love with the same girl and she didn’t love them. It’s clear that she was using the trio and trying to turn them against each other.

The three boys were always fighting each other and at each other's throats because of this girl. They didn’t realize it at first, they just thought they fought a lot because they were falling out of the friendships they had.

The three boys seemed to snap out of it and they collectively kicked her out of their lives while being heartbroken, but it’s what they needed to do.

Don’t Stop The Music (ft. EXO’s Chanyeol)

Don’t Stop The Music was released March 1, 2019, with NCT Ice members DeeD, Haru, and Mini. Chanyeol actually picked the members he wanted to perform this song with as he and DeeD were the ones who wrote and produced it. Kangwoo and DeeD made a demo of the song for Chanyeol and Chanyeol picked who he thought best fit the song, and SM agreed with it. The song doesn’t completely follow their concept, but there are some scenes that do.

Basics of the music video:

The song is very fun but the notable scenes are the ones that showcase NCT Ice’s storyline.

Haru and Mini are holding hands as the wind picks up and DeeD comes out of nowhere, he seems to be wanting the younger two boys to follow him. When they do they are transported to a forest, Mini seems to recognize the place as he grips Haru’s hand and starts to run. DeeD chases the younger boys with a strange glint in his gaze. The scene switches back to the boys having fun with Chanyeol.

When it switches back to the boys, DeeD is gone again and Mini and Haru are panting as they hide behind a tree. They look scared but Haru smirks and shoves the younger boy over, Mini weakly falls over and glares at the older boy, he goes to throw dirt at Haru but he seems to fade away with the dirt as it blows away in the wind. The scene goes back to the fun music video aspect of it.

When it switches back Mini is alone in a dark alleyway looking for Haru and DeeD, he seems to be calling for them but with no luck, he ends up tripping and cracking his head open, the music video then switches back to the fun aspect yet again and it doesn’t switch back again.

The music video ends with Chanyeol looking sad and alone, he seems to be a new part of the storyline suddenly.

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krreader · 6 years

Note

Hey sweety! Would you make a smutty story for Taehyung, him using a bandanna and teasing reader because he just knows she gets the hots for him when he looks like that (honestly that would be me he looks so hOT I die every time) thanks and I love yaaaa

title: turn-onspairing: kim taehyung x readerfandom: btswarnings: sex ; public sex ; languagegenre: smut ; crack

summary: funny how something as simple as a bandana can turn you on to the point of screwing your boyfriend in public.

a/n: S A M E, is all I can say here, babe hahaha. I literally died making this gif :’) LOVE YOU TOO AND I HOPE YOU LIKE THE STORY

ask box | masterlist | fandoms | faq | multifandom reader blog

Acouple of years ago, when he had been younger, he had thought thatteasing a woman was much harder. That one had to put in a lot ofeffort to get her all horny and worked up.

Theolder he got, the more he realized how wrong he had been.

Itwas often the simplest things that turned another person on. A lipbite, a glance, maybe a light touch or one word..

..that’swhat he had learned when becoming an idol and thousands of fans were fangirling over things that he did unconsciously.

Andwhen you and him had started dating, he remembered how excited he hadbeen to find out what it would be for you. What your trigger would beto have you be so completely flustered and pretty much on your kneesfor him.

Hehad tried several things in the beginning. He had tried placing hishand on your hip and holding you possessively against him. He hadtried kissing several spots on your body, to see if he found one thathad you squirm beneath him. He had tried whispering dirty things intoyour ear, whether or not you were in public did not matter. He hadtried grinning at you and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, butthat only made you shake your head and chuckle.

Neverdid he think that the one thing that would truly always turn you on,would be him wearing a fucking bandana.

Hestill remembered the first time he wore it when you and him had already been dating for a couple of months. He had spent the entire evening in the dance studios,working on the new dance routine with the rest of Bangtan. He hadpromised to sleep over at your place that night, but didn’t want toshower in the studios, when he had your nice shower at your apartment(and, you know, you possibly joining him in that shower).

Sohe had simply put on his bandana to get his sweaty hair out of theway, grabbed his bike and cycled over to your place, where you hadalready unlocked the door for him to come in, without you having toget up from your comfortable spot on the couch.

“Heybabe,” you said absentmindedly, your eyes still trained on the TV, when you heard the door open and close.

“Itold you not to keep the door unlocked. Someone else could come in,”he took off his shoes and walked into the living room, falling downon the sofa next to you and pressing a kiss against your cheek, “Haveyou eaten yet?”

“No,I was thinking about..-” when the commercial break finally beganyou turned your head to look at him, but your words got stuck in yourthroat when you saw him.

Helooked like he had been sweating a lot before, the bike ride heremust have dried the sweat of slightly, but some strands of hair were stillclinging to his forehead. But the one thing that truly made you gasp,was the bandana.

Youhad never seen him wear one and, goddamn it, it looked so good that you almost started drooling.

“Youalright?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

Thatnight, you had straddled him without another word and had sex withhim on the couch and another round in the bed afterwards.

Atfirst, he hadn’t even thought anything of it. He had thought you hadsimply been horny that night.

Itwas only two weeks later, when you visited him in the dance studiosand he was on his own, again, wearing the bandana and you basicallygiving him a blowjob right there and then, that he started to noticea pattern.

Hetested it out a couple more times, wearing the bandana more and more,until he was sure he had finally found the one thing that always,absolutely always turned you on.

Andhe sure as hell would use it to his advantage whenever he felt like it.

Liketoday. Today, he felt like teasing you.

Sohe had invited you to come along to a fan sign, which was unusual initself, because you never attended those.

Butinstead of thinking anything funny, you had decided to make it a great day for you and your best friend, grabbing Starbucks on the way and sitting ontwo lonely chairs in the back of the room, waiting for the fansign to begin.

“Won’tpeople think it’s weird that we’re just randomly sitting here?”your best friend asked.

“Naah,it’s fine. I doubt any of them will care about anything else than theboys anyways. They probably won’t even notice us.”

True.But just how true that statement was, you only realized a couple ofminutes later, when they finally entered the room and you turned into oneof those who ‘didn’t care about anything else than the boys’.

Orrather, one boy in particular.

Itsuddenly all made sense, why he so desperately wanted you to come.

Thatfucker purposely wore a bandana today, invited you to the fan sign,knowing you’ll have to sit there for god knows how long this willtake and not be able to straddle him right there and then.

Taehyung’seyes roamed around the room, until they finally landed on you. Andthis.. asshole, actually had the audacity to wiggle his eyebrows atyou, knowing damn well that he had you wrapped around his finger.

“Why’she looking at you like that? Is that like an inside joke I don’tunderstand?” your best friend asked, leaning back and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Somethinglike that,” you mumbled and cleared your throat, blinking a coupleof times to look away and try to ignore him.

Butas much as you wanted to focus on anything else like your bestfriend, the other boys or the fans, you just couldn’t. Your eyes keptgoing back to Tae, licking your lips and taking deep breaths, tryingto calm down. But it just.. wouldn’t want to work. The longer thistook, the needier and more turned on you got.

Andwhen he’d brush his hand through his hair and look you straight inthe eye while biting his lip, you almost wanted to say ‘fuck this’and just go up there to smash your lips against his. But that probably wouldn’tend well, so you forced yourself to stay where you were, hoping thatthis would end sooner rather than later.

“Whatdo you guys think of the bandana?” Tae suddenly asked and the fanshollered, telling him how good and handsome he looked with it.

Yourfriend laughed, leaned over to you and whispered, “Some of themare ready to jump him, don’t you think?”

HAHAHAHA.Yes. Some of them.

Mostimportantly, you, his girlfriend.

“(Y/B/F),I’ll be back soon, okay? I just need to make a phone call,” you putdown your cup and walked out of the hall, wanting to go all the way around toget backstage, since you didn’t want the fans to see.

Taehyungnoticed straight away, smirking while looking back to the fan in frontof him and nodding at what she was saying.

(Y/B/F)nodded as well, but just as you were leaving, she got up and yelled:“HEY! YOU FORGOT YOUR PHONE!”

Itdidn’t take more than ten minutes before he finally showed up. Youhad been splashing cold water against your face, in hopes of itdoing any good to your body temperature, but it didn’t. Nothing helped.

Nothingbut his arms wrapping around you from behind and pulling you againsthim.

“DidI make you horny, (Y/N)?” he chuckled, kissing your ear.

“Thisisn’t funny, Taehyung. You know how bad it gets when you wearbandanas.”“That was kind of the point,” he wiggled his eyebrows,showing you his boxy grin through the mirror, before turning you around and placing a quick peck on your lips,“But the fan sign is over now, so..”

“Can’tbelieve we’re about to have public sex again,” you muttered underyour breath and pulled him on his hand into one of the bathroomstalls, “Remember last time? Jungkook almost caught us.”

“Atleast he’d finally get to see sex in real life, than just on hiscomputer.”

You’vehad public sex once or twice before, the first time happened in abathroom stall as well, while the second one was during one of his MVshoots. So it’s not that you were strangers to it. When you were bothhorny, it just kinda happened.

Andthere was always this thrill of getting caught that gave you anadrenaline rush. The thrill of doing something forbidden..

Youbit your lip with excitement, put your hands on his shoulders andjumped into his arms, immediately wrapping your legs around him.

Taehyunglaughed, wrapping his strong arms around you and turning around, sothat he could push you against the door of the bathroom stall.

Neitherof you really bothered with taking off your clothes. You helped Taewith his belt and shoving down his pants and boxers, while you merelypushed aside your panties.

“Shit,”he hissed, when his already hard dick slid over your folds. Seems like you weren’t the only one that had been anticipating this, “You’reso fucking wet, (Y/N).”

“Andwhose fault is that,” you pushed your heels against his butt, wanting him to get to it, before you would lose your mind.

Helooked at you from under your eyelashes, straight into your eyes,when he easily slid inside you with one swift move, burying himself tothe hilt and having your head fall back against the door, letting outa low curse.

“I’mnever going to stop wearing bandanas,” he used all his strength tothrow you up ever so slightly, just so that he could get a bettergrip on your legs and was able to really pound into you. Positions like that always made you realize how strong he actually was..

Theecho of the bathroom made it all sound so much dirtier. The noiseshis dick sliding in and out of your pussy made, his low grunts, mixedwith your moans and curse words.. but if anything, it turned you bothon so much more.

Youwrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, his lipssucking on the sensitive parts of your throat that had you tightenyour grip around him and moan a little louder. The first strands ofhair were already stuck on his forehead, but even though he wasbeginning to get tired, he kept up the pace and fucked you withoutmercy.

Taeknew that he wouldn’t be able to hold that tempo for long, so hewanted you both to come as quickly as possible, as well as knowing that someone could walk in at any second.

And that second came sooner than he thought.

When the bathroom door got opened, he immediately stilled inside you,both of you freezing and trying to stop your heavy breathing by holding your breath.

“Haveyou seen Taehyungie?” definitely Jimin.

“No..he left as soon as we said our goodbye’s. Didn’t say where he wasgoing though,” Hobi replied. Both boys were taking the stalls nextto you and continued to chat about the fan sign, the fans and what gifts they got.

Andinstead of pulling out or keeping still like any other normal personwould have had if they had been so close to getting caught having sex in a public place, yourboyfriend started moving again and your eyes immediately widened.

ButTae only pushed you harder against the stall, so that his body andthe door were keeping you up and he could use one hand to cover yourmoans. And that was needed, because you knew if he hadn’t, you would have given you two away.

Youwanted to tell him to stop, or at least to be careful and slow, but you couldalready feel your walls beginning to tighten and your orgasmapproaching when he was filling you up so nicely. And you didn’t want him to stop when you were so close.

Taelicked his lips, before grinning wickedly, his pace slow, but histhrusts still hard, making sure not to make any noises.

Whenboth of his band members flushed, he used those couple of seconds tofasten his pace once more, with the running water drowning out thesounds of skin against skin.

“Shouldwe go look for Taehyung?”

“No..he’s fine. He’ll probably show up in a couple of minutes, don’tworry.”

Andwith that, they were out of the door again and as soon as you couldhear it fall closed, he drew back his hand from your mouth and slammed up hiships so hard, that he full-on hit your g-spot and his name fell from your lips in a loud moan.

Herepeated the motion a couple of times, until your walls were finally clenching around him so hard, that his orgasm hit at once and hespilled himself inside you with a low grunt and some curse wordsfalling from his own lips.

Taecarefully put you back down, holding you tightly when he could feel your legs still being shaky and buried his head in the crock of yourneck, his arms now around your waist.

You clung on him for dear life, trying to get your breathing to even out again, by taking deep breaths, the smell of his favorite perfume filling your nose.

“Ilove bandana days,” he whispered with a grin.

Youlaughed and brushed your hand over the back of his head, “Me too.”

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