ugh i'm trying not to be a dick to my mom, who suffers enough. but i cannot believe she's decided to go in on "desecrating flags is a bad look for anyone" re: the student protests like a) that's obviously not the principle you're actually using to decide who and what to criticize here b) it's not desecrating a flag to take it down and replace it with another flag c) every time my parents say shit like this it makes me feel like maybe i alone retain memories of my family's beliefs and experiences during the bush administration, which is bad because i was like six at the time
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Seriously, I wish I knew what I was doing wrong with my writing, tho, bc if I want to be a career author, why can't I get anyone to engage with what I share for free? Isn't that a sign of being EXTEMELY BAD AT THIS?!
(And yeah, lots of my followers aren't active, some might be bots that slipped through, and people miss things on their dashes, but most of the time, I get notifs for reblogging other people's writing from the couple of hundred who must still be active out of nearly 1k. Whatever I post? Not wanted.)
And please don't "write for yourself" at me if you see this, bc I've been writing for over 30 years and couldn't name anyone else I am doing it for. Even with gift fics, I don't write anything I don't want to.
Edit: Also like... it's hard to express these feelings and not go, "ugh, shut up shut up" to myself, but... I can't really keep going on like this (with the nonstop only-ever-experience-failure* part), I just can't.
*Some people never do anything but fail, we try and try and try and maybe maybe maybe it'd help to be believed that when we can't swim on our own, we drown
Another edit: I just... I want to be good enough, and I want to be happy, and I want time and spoons to write, and I want to stop waking up scared bc things keep getting worse and I can't save myself.
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I shared this with the amazing @bisexualblckcanary, based on a conversation we were having, but I thought I might as well post this thought of Lilah's here online, too. In the Buffy/Angel crossover book "Cursed," in the above scene she thinks how Angel is "even more attractive when he's terrifying."
And I guess the person who owned this book before I did is as moved by that idea as Lilah is, because they highlighted it. XD
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sometimes u see a post about someones thoughts on lesbian rep and how a lot of "good rep" feels shallow/fluffy and how hard it is to find complex characters that feel like authentic representation and stuff while citing a bunch of kids cartoons (NO HATE OFC i get it) and you just know that this person needs to watch revolutionary girl utena
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whenever people are discouraged for whatever reason (remember that time people were having byler doubt because ONE person started doubting) it's always so annoying because i never get any doubt or disappointment on my dash only people going DON'T DOUBT like i'm not i promise
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