#like i have to remind myself that doing shit like forcing a 7 yo to pack a suitcase and telling them youre

[exchangeyourexperience]

sometimes ill get into this headspace where im like man i really am too hard on my mom, truly the worst thing she ever did to me was not be an emotionally perfect parent, and honestly who is, she really didnt fuck up that bad considering. and then i spend 20 minutes alone in a car with her and come out of it understanding why people kill

[hitsuackerman]

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt.10

a/n: do ya’ll love Gei? because this chapter is dedicated for Gei <3

warnings: this cannot be read solo, flamboyance

Links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 11

Masterlist to my other fics: here :)

Overhaul’s waiting list: @jjk-biased​​ @infinite-universe-love​​ @dirtypride​ @blackymomo03​ @azzie @purple-rabanito​

“I’m sorry but Endeavor’s schedule is still full. If you’d like to set a meeting with him, it would have to wait till next week.” Burnin answered over the phone.

It was now 2 days since the rather nice date with the chief. You could’ve done this yesterday but the chief had insisted you take the day off. Not sure what his intentions were, you took the opportunity nonetheless. Spending it with your family was the best choice. (Mostly for Nomura’s cooking though...)

Now, you were nested in your cubicle. Face buried in a day’s pile of delayed work. Disappointed that the arson case would have to be moved once more. Maybe the HPSC would take interest in this? Probably not. Still, you wrote down a note to call Mera just in case you were sick and tired of the dead ends.

“In that case, schedule me a 20 minute meeting with him. You can choose when and what time.” You replied and ended the call.

Looking at the time, it was almost lunch and you were set to meet with Gei. His workplace was only 10 minutes from your area and you could afford to take your time knowing this day wasn’t as heavy as the rest. Your phone dinged with a notification from the man himself.

Gei is the Best: Honey boo boo. Is it alright if you drop by the hospital first? I have this patient that just WON'T sit still for the love Beyonce >:(

You: Sure :) Need me to lower his BP? That might do the trick.

Gei is the Best: YAS! YOU DA BEST. Imma inform the receptionist. See you in a few! Lunch is on me <3

Taking your things, you informed Tsukauchi that you’d be out for the rest of the day. Upon hearing Gei’s name, he chuckled and asked for you to wait. Opening his desk drawer, he handed you a sealed envelope and told you to hand it to him.

“What’s this?”

“It’s some pictures of a recent guy I caught. He might find the man’s composition interesting. His quirk was body manipulation. It somehow failed and his quirk backfired on him. Try to imagine a human pretzel except… you can’t untangle him.” Tsukauchi explained. The slight look of amused disgust on his face.

“He does find these things interesting. So you’ll be asking him to fix the guy?”

“Yeah. Called him a while ago so he’ll be expecting that.”

After a few more small talk, you excused yourself and made your way to your car. Everything was going well till you saw the chief talking with another officer. Not wanting to have a chat with him, you turned and took the long way towards the parking area.

Now that you were on the road, you stopped at a red light and wore your ear piece. Using your car’s touch screen monitor, you clicked on Overhaul’s contact. It was lunch time, he surely didn’t have any schemes at this time.

“Problem child.” He answered after the second ring.

“Birdman.” You smiled at the pet names. “When are you free to test the earpiece?”

“Unfortunately my schedule is full today. Would tomorrow work?”

“Sure. What time are you available?”

“Lunch will do. Drop by the Shie Hassaikai. We can eat together.”

You did not intend to but your foot stepped on the brakes. Did you just hear him right? The car behind you honked his horn and that made you snap out of your daze. Remembering that he was still on the other line, you shook your head and tried to contain your curiosity.

“You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?”

“I’m more than capable of doing so.” The slight rise of his tone made your stomach feel ticklish. Your hands now held tightly on to the steering wheel, waiting for his next words. “But I’d rather not.”

“(favorite food). And you have a deal.” You turned towards the nearing hospital. Your mouth silently repeated ‘oh my god’ till you saw a parking spot.

“Till then, Problem child.”

When the call ended, you slammed on the brakes once more and shrieked. Feeling your blood pressure rising from the conversation, you placed your hand on your chest. A faint blue glow forming on your palms. Your rapid beating heart and incoming hyperventilation died down.

“Holy shit. It’s been a while since I used that on myself.”

Stepping out of the car, you walked towards the entrance of the hospital. The guard grinned as he saw you approaching. He knew who you were so you were able to skip the log book. Passing by the receptionist, she greeted you and said Gei was waiting in his office.

In the hallway, you could hear the sounds of shoes running around and a few announcements every now and then. Stopping at a window, you observed a few nurses helping some patients. Most of them had tubes connected to their bodies but none of them looked to be in pain. The machines inside were white and you could see how the liquids were gently shaking.

“OH MY LORD!” You turned around and looked at the direction of the scream. “WILL YOU SIT STILL?! I SWEAR TO THE ALMIGHTY FATHER JAY-Z, IF YOU DO NOT SIT STILL I WILL HAVE TO USE THIS ON YOU!”

Running towards his office, you immediately opened the door only to find Gei in his white coat. His hair a shriveled mess, a syringe with clear white liquid, and the patient hiding behind the sofa.

“Gei?”

“Close the door baby girl!” He yelled and lunged towards the patient. Somehow he was able to grab a hold of the hospital gown. Tugging the male into his hold, he turned to face you. “Your quirk please!”

Not wanting to anger Gei, you hurriedly made your way to the two people. Placing your hand on to the male’s chest, both of you saw how his shoulders relaxed. The crazed demeanor was now replaced with one of calm. You felt a tug on your palm and quickly adjusting your control, you increased his blood pressure till he was deemed stable.

You and Gei led the man to the sofa to where he sat down. Keeping your hand on his chest, you maintained control as Gei did his usual magic. Now that you were able to assess the patient, you saw the dislocation his arm had. His sleeves had hidden it from sight.

Watching as your friend used his quirk, the dislocation began to fix itself till it was finally back to normal.

“Now that that’s over with, put him to sleep boo.” Gei said while he walked towards his desk and paged a nurse to come get the patient.

Lowering the blood pressure even more, you felt the patient losing his consciousness. When his head fell, you had finished your job. Making him lean onto the sofa, you closed his eyelids and observed his breathing. It was steady and even. Not long after, a soft snore erupted from the sleeping man.

“What exactly just happened?”

“The way his arm was dislocated made it rather painful. Told him if he would relax, I could ease the pain by a tiny bit. Lord of quirks, the man panicked and began his episode.” Gei explained as he fixed his coat and poured alcohol into his palms. When the nurse arrived, he assisted in carrying the patient into the bed.

“Busy day?” You relaxed on to the chair and held a throw pillow.

“Oh honey no. Nothing I can’t handle. Your presence only made things quicker.” He exaggerated a wink. “Remind me why you didn’t pursue the medical world?”

“I retain information badly. And to top it off, my quirk just makes me into a human sphygmomanometer. It’s helpful but it works better with the police force in times of raids.”

“Well, if yo happy with yo job then do what you do boo.” Taking his coat off, he hung it on his chair and began to keep the files and paper works. Remembering the file in your bag, you reached for it and tossed it onto his table. When Gei saw the penmanship, he nodded and placed it in his drawer. “Send him my thanks and a hug as well~”

Now that Gei was ready, the both of you were now walking in the lobby. A bunch of other nurses greeted him with his hard earned title. Doctor.

“Dr. Hanayaka. Don’t forget your appointment with patient 247 later today.”

“Yes yes. I have it on my sched. Now puh-leaz! I am on break and I need to refresh my beauty with this lady over here.” He winked at the nurse who simply shook her head with amusement. “Go do your thing now, love.”

“It’s amazing how they put up with you.” You commented as both of you exited the building.

“Of course~ I have the charm, the look, and the wits.” He snapped his finger with each description he had for himself. “All I need now is a man.”

Unlocking your car, the both of you got in and drove to the restaurant he had in mind. It wasn’t too far from both your offices so you didn’t mind. It didn’t take too long before you found yourself seated in a comfortable booth by the window with menus in hand. Choosing one of their best sellers, the waitress was quick to get your orders.

“So… how was the date two nights ago?” Gei was in full gossip mode now.

“It ended pretty well.” A smirk formed on your face.Recalling how the chief experienced a bad stomach ache was satisfying. “The food was fine and luckily he didn’t cause a scene since his food made his stomach go bad.”

“Who was he anyway?” He titled his head. He knew you were too busy to even casually date or even try one of those speed dating things. If there was one man he knew you were interested in but it was too obvious you were still blind that the feelings were growing. “You never told me his name, never mentioned how you met, or even his age. Did you meet in Sinder?”

“Don’t freak out or whatever.” Upon seeing him nodding his head, you let out a long and tired sigh. “It’s my chief.”

Gei held on to his chest and began to hyperventilate. His face morphed into one with disgust and disbelief. Even made fake puking sounds to add to his reaction.

“Oh. Heyll. No.” His voice went a range higher. “Sis. Why the hell you go out with that man? You ain’t got no daddy issues! And don’t go tellin’ me no man would take interest in you cause thaz bullshit.”

“It was either that or I get 10 more cases. I already have too much on my hands. Two of which are major.” You explained and sunk deeper onto the chair. “It’s fine, though. The dinner ended on a nice note. His stomach ache was just so bad that he practically pushed me out of his car.”

Gei’s mind went ticking. The chief asks you out on a date, the date ends on a disaster for him but a success for you. Staring at your happy face, he lifted his fleek eyebrow and placed one knee on top of the other. Leaning onto the arm rest and pouting.

“Tell me, baby girl, whatdyu the day before the date?”

“Me and the chief met up with Overhaul for a quick meeting. Then he got mad cause the chief cut me off and then he dropped me home to let me take a shower cause he said I smelled like him.”

“And what does your brain have to say about that?” Gei asked. A sly smile on his face.

“Not much.” You shrugged your shoulders. “He was right, though. I smelled like beetroots.”

“Oh good lord.” Gei uttered to himself. “Beyonce, if you’re out there, bless this oblivious woman…”

“BUT, the waiter at the restaurant was pretty attractive.” Seeing how Gei shimmied his shoulders and leaned in closer was always fun. “I didn’t get his name, though. However, he had pretty cool hair. Like, arrows for the ends.”

“In that case, imma make a reservation.” He smacked his lips just in time for the food to be served.

The rest of the meal was light and fun. Occasional teasing from him which you didn’t take to heart. You had asked him how his job was and his patients, he in turn asked for updates about cases you could speak freely about in public. Now that the food was gone, he reached for his neon pink wallet to hand over the payment.

“By the way, I’m free tomorrow.” He added with a slight jump. “Wanna stop by this new cafe that opened down the block?”

“I can't. I'm meeting Overhaul tomorrow.”

“You say that so casually as if he isn’t a class-B villain.” He pointed out. “Look me straight in the eye and tell me your heart doesn’t skip a beat when you see him.”

And you did. Straight up told him that it did not. However, you still told him that he would sometimes catch you off guard and end up stuttering or catching your breath. All you’re flamboyant friend could do was to send a prayer to his queen that you would one day realize that you were slowly falling for the villain.

Lucky for him, his prayers would be answered soon enough.

Sadly, it came with a cost.

----

another date but this time with Overhoe himself? wew~ the possilities..

do you guys have any questions? feel free to comment and ill gladly answer them :) take care and i hope you guys like this chapter <3

[megan-is-mia]

Can i have yandere genderbend poly bruno and giorno with a male reader with smothering promts 1 2 3 6 7 8 please (I'm so jealous of your skills of writing yandere readers that I'm like pleas eteach me your skills)

(Its less skill and more “I wonder what the fuck will stick?” but I appreciate your words regardless. Sorry I couldn’t get all 6 of the lines you wanted into the fic but if you get through the entire thing there’s a bonus...) 3. “I shouldn’t have to repeat myself.” 6. “The collar is for you, not me. You’ve proved you can’t be trusted without it.” 7. “Cruel, terrible people live out there, people who want to hurt you. Is it so bad to be away from them?” (Yandere! Poly! Fem! BruGio x Male S/o) (NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD) “Hey pretty boy, did you have a good nap?” Giorno cooed as she stroked her still half-asleep boyfriend’s cheek. “You gotta wake up, Bruno’s going to be back from her mission soon and we’re going to spend some quality time together” the blonde said continuing to caress her darling (S/o)’s face until he opened his eyes. f (S/o) had tried to keep his mind blank as fingers trailed across his face in the hopes Giorno would just let him be in peace. However that didn’t seem to be the case and so with great reluctance, the young man’s eyes popped open. “Did you have a good dream?” Giorno said bending down to peck her boyfriend’s face and begin unlocking the chains that kept him in bed. When both anklecuffs and handcuffs were open, only a study collar made of leather around (S/o)’s neck made it clear something was amiss with the pair’s relationship. At the start, the young man had tried everything to get rid of the collar but now... he’d given up that fool’s errand. “I didn’t dream anything” (S/o) lied flatly, unwilling to confess to the blonde what had really been in his mind. He wanted to keep the visions of being free and with people again to himself so he wouldn’t be punished. “Baby, you know I hate it when you lie to me. I shouldn’t have to repeat myself, but I’m feeling nice so I’ll let you amend your words. So... did you have a good dream?” Giorno said squeezing (S/o)’s fingers as she spoke. “I swear I didn’t dream about anything GioGio” (S/o) said in a quiet voice and nervously tugging at the collar around his throat as his eyes darting down before looking back at the young woman with a familiar silent plea. “Love, you know the collar is for you, not me. You’ve proved you can’t be trusted without it. If you hadn’t tried to run away so many times you wouldn’t have to wear it” Giorno said with an exasperated sigh as she led (S/o) downstairs to the entrance area to await Bruno’s arrival. A few minutes later came a faint zipping noise and Bruno stepped through the wall as she always did in the evenings when she got home. Giorno immediately rushed over to kiss her capo hello, (S/o) however, was slower to respond but eventually moved close enough that the black-haired woman was able to pull him into an embrace. “Oh I missed you two, I swear if that mission had dragged another day or two I might have lost my mind” Bruno said warmly, not releasing (S/o) from her hold quite yet. She kept a grip of his waist and half dragged him to the nearby couch before sitting beside him. Giorno scurried around the couch to the other side to sit on (S/o)’s other side efficiently boxing him in. “So what did you do on your mission Bruno?” (S/o) said as silence began to seep into the room. He wanted to keep the mobsters minds’ busy on something that didn’t involve him as it unfortunately often did. Bruno did not answer, only grabbing the young man’s head and forcing him to rest it on her shoulder. In response to the dark-haired woman’s action, Giorno squirmed onto her back and rested her head in (S/o)’s lap. At this point, the young man tried to repeat his question only to be hushed by Bruno who began to hum softly. “Why so curious? You don’t usually ask questions about my or Giorno’s missions...” Bruno finally said her humming only coming to a stop temporarily before starting up once more. Her hand roamed aimlessly for a moment before finding one of (S/o)’s and interlacing their fingers together. “I... I’m bored” (S/o) confessed, not really having a better reason than that. “I have not been allowed out of this house in months! The only way I’ll get information about the outside world is what you’ll tell me about your missions!” the words left the young man’s mouth a bit more aggressively than intended. “How many times do I have to remind you, Bambino? The outside world is a horrible place. Cruel, terrible people live out there, people who want to hurt you. Tell me, is it really so bad to be away from them?” Bruno said sternly sending a shiver up (S/o)’s spine. Even Giorno stared up at the male with a disappointing gaze. “No” (S/o) forced himself to say. “But that doesn’t change the fact you leave me alone in this for hours and hours. I get lonely and bored...” he added pleadingly. Bruno’s eyes softened a little bit at his pleading tone and she let out a low sigh. “You know that it’s your own fault that we have to leave you locked up like a wild animal. But we’re here now, so let’s take your mind off of those thoughts for a while hm?” Bruno said her tone suggestive as her hand squeezed (S/o)’s lightly. The young man tensed up in fear, this was the exact outcome he’d been trying to avoid. But there was nothing he could say or do to stop it. Once the dark-haired woman had made up her mind there was no changing it. Giorno moved into action without a word, sitting on (S/o)’s lap and making out with him as she undid his shirt. Bruno’s hands cupped Giorno’s chest teasing the exposed skin from her boob window. (S/o) forced himself to play along like always, alternating between squeezing Giorno’s sides and Bruno’s thigh before the dark-haired woman forced him to turn on the couch and lay on his back. With this chance of position came the blonde scooting up onto his chest. With one deft pull, both pants and boxers were out of the way on the floor and (S/o)’s cock flopped limply against his stomach which earned a displeased sigh from Bruno. Gracefully the woman removed her suit jacket and lingerie to allow her bountiful bosom to spring free. Somehow with the same kind of grace Giorno removed her skirt and panties before scooting once more so her cunt was almost pressed against (S/o)’s face. Obediently the young man stuck out his tongue and began eating the blonde out. This made it easier to ignore the sensation of Bruno’s boobs wrapped around his cock as her mouth teased his head to fullness. It also made it easier to ignore her lubed finger probing his ass and opening him up. Giorno squeezed her thighs around (S/o)’s head and pressed her cunt even more insistently against his talented tongue until she was cumming without warning. She squirted all over the boy’s face making him cough as some went up his nose. “Sorry~” she chirped licking the young man’s face clean as she discarded of her school jacket and slide back down his chest. Bruno placed a kiss on the blonde’s shoulder as she made her approach. The dark-haired woman pulled her fingers free of (S/o)’s ass before getting rid of her pants and undergarments. As always, she was packing with a strap-on already perched on her nethers. She turned Giorno to face her as she guided the younger woman onto (S/o)’s cock before impaling the young man on her strap on. (S/o) had no choice but to act like he was enjoying this and squeezed Giorno’s boobs from behind. The feeling of riding and being ridden made his head foggy as he thrust up and ground down against the various sensations invading his senses. Bruno thrust relentlessly as she made out with Giorno hungry for satisfaction. The blonde was just as eager groping at the dark-haired woman’s chest happily. However, they did not forget their darling (S/o) forcing him to orgasm before succumbing to ecstasy themselves. Giorno weakly pulled herself off of (S/o)’s cock before twisting to curl up beside him. On the other hand, Bruno simply flopped forward making her strap-on prod at (S/o)’s sensitive insides once more. “I hope that helped to cure your boredom and loneliness a bit...” THE END

—•—•—

BONUS FIC 1. “Hurting you is the last thing I’d do, you know that.” 2. “What do you mean it hurts? If it hurts, it’s because you’re struggling!” 8. “Say you love me. Would that be so hard? I just need you to say you love me.” (Yandere! Poly! Fem! AbbaMis x Male S/o) (NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD) (S/o) had been on his first successful date in months when the sound of gunfire rang through the air and his date had gone face-first into her plate of spaghetti. The young man barely had a moment to react before the girl’s body had been shoved out of her chair and a new figure sat before him. Only an idiot or a tourist wouldn’t recognize the black-stained lips or unnerving gaze of the right-hand woman of Naple’s capo. The one, the only, Leone Abbacchio. The imposing woman stared into (S/o)’s eyes like she was reading his very soul. The young man had to wonder how he’d must have fucked up to get on the mobster’s radar. (S/o) didn’t have much of a chance to wonder though, since a second figure slipped into the chair next to him with a grunt. He recognized this individual as well, the cheeky grin and poorly concealed pistol strapped to her thigh made it clear this must be Guido Mista, the luckiest gunswoman in Italy. “Oh shit, you’re super cute up close” Guido said leaning into close to (S/o) and making him jerk back with a yelp. She let out a laugh at his discomfort before leaning back in her chair. Hey Abba, don’t you agree? He’s really fucking cute isn’t he?” the gunslinger added winking at the albino and receiving a grunt in answer. “Please don’t hurt me! I don't know anything I shouldn’t!” (S/o) blurted out. In a normal situation he wouldn’t have been so jittery, but seeing your date get shot and then having two mobsters sit next to you definitely didn’t count as normal in his book. “Oh calm down cutie hurting you is the last thing I’d do, you know that” Guido said letting out another peal of raucous laughter as she gazed at (S/o). At this moment the restaurant’s waiter decided to come by and the mobsters ordered food as if there wasn’t a corpse by their feet. “This is your fault you know” Abbacchio said, her tone forcing (S/o) to focus on her words. “We’ve been keeping most of the riff-raff away from you but that one managed to slip through. Hence why she needed to die. Now we are going to have a nice date is that understood? ” the albino finished with a look that made it clear arguing would be pointless. “Y-yes M’am!” (S/o) squeaked out and was rewarded with a tight-lipped grin from the tall woman. The young man tried to ignore the curious stares of the restaurant’s other patrons and focus on eating the food before him. Despite the lasagna on his plate smelling wonderful and tasting even better... (S/o) had lost his appetite. Regardless, he forced himself to shovel down mouthfuls of his meal just to stay occupied. Suddenly he found his chin being grabbed and his body being pulled half-way out of his chair by Abbacchio. (S/o) held his breath as the woman’s black-coated nails lightly dug into his cheeks and she scrutinized his face up close. The young man opened his mouth about to speak when the albino closed the distance between them entirely to kiss him. (S/o)’s heart began to race and he froze up letting Abbacchio do as she pleased with his mouth. When he was finally released, he fell clumsily back into his chair panting. “You had sauce on your face” Abbacchio answered flatly before (S/o) could ask. The young man could only nod like an idiot at this response. His reaction drew yet another cackle of laughter from Guido who then grabbed the male’s shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss of her own. The gunslinger was more aggressive in the kissing department than the other woman, playfully biting (S/o)’s lips before pulling away. Finally, the mobsters’ meals arrived and (S/o) had a brief respite from the women’s attention while they ate. He was itching to make a run for it but something told him he wouldn’t get to far. He’d seen what happened to people who tried to cheat Passione of what was theirs and he had no desire to die. So what was his mistake? He couldn’t think of what he’d done to pique the mob’s attention. Had he slipped up on a payment somewhere? But (S/o) was always careful to pay his rent and protection fees on time— he even had a checklist for it! Maybe he’d talked to someone who’d been making trouble for the mafia? No... that couldn’t be it either! Everyone he interacted with regularly was just as wary of the mob as him. “Oi (N/n)~ It’s time to go” Guido said tapping (S/o) on the shoulder and breaking him out of his thoughts. He felt a cold chill go down his spine as the sound of the nickname fell on his ears. The causal way the gunswoman spoke to him, the fact she knew his name without him telling her it, it all made him feel sick to his stomach. “B-buh-but the bill” (S/o) stuttered out only to have his words waved away by the young woman who wore a devious grin as she took hold of his arm and began half-dragging, half-leading him out of the restaurant. The young man almost tripped on the forgotten corpse of his blind date and felt his stomach churn as Guido hummed to herself. As they exited into the evening air, (S/o) once again felt the itch to run. He forced it down and then forced himself to speak. “If this is about money, I don’t have much. I swear that whatever you think I did or saw it wasn’t me—” (S/o) started before Abbacchio put a finger to his lips for his silence. Obediently the young man shut his trap and began shifting nervously from one foot to the other as the albino moved to unlock a nearby car. (S/o) found himself once more forced into action by Guido who pushed him towards the car and into the backseat. The gunswoman then slid into the passenger seat as Abbacchio started the car and began driving. (S/o) stares down at his hands, quietly praying to whatever deity was listening to get him out of this mess. He also directed a prayer to his blind date’s family and a mental apology towards them for causing their daughter’s early death. By the time the car came to a stop outside a dimly-lit house, the young man had accepted his fate. His head hung low as he was guided into the house, up a flight of stairs, and down a hallway. “My room is cleaner than yours” Abbacchio said, her words directed at Guido as she pulled (S/o) into the aforementioned room and onto her bed. The gunswoman shrugged her agreement as she tossed her hat aside and followed after, flopping onto the bed with a grunt. The albino immediately busied herself with making out with (S/o) and pawing at his clothes hungrily. “Whatever, I still call dibs on his ass” Guido said with a smirk pulling her sweater and bra off in one motion before pressing her bare chest against (S/o)’s back as she nibbled on his neck. The young man managed to tear his mouth away from Abbacchio’s lips only to find his head forced down into the valley between her breasts. “Quit struggling or I’ll have to hurt you” the albino hissed even as she cradled (S/o)’s head in her cleavage and stroked his hair. Meanwhile, Guido’s hands had busied themselves undoing the buttons of the young man’s shirt between squeezes of his stomach and sides. (S/o)’s mind was running a mile a minute. Maybe there was a way he could get out of this mess alive, just maybe if he acted like he wanted this to happen they’d let him go... So after a deep breath, he stuck out his tongue and began to lick. He licked up and down the valley between Abbacchio’s breasts like his life depended on it. He nibbled on her neck and forced his hands to grab at the laces of her dress to tug them loose. All the while trying to ignore Guido’s hand that had dipped into his pants to feel around. His hands were temporarily removed from Abbacchio’s chest as the woman sat up and pulled his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders as well as letting the top of her dress droop to hang at her waist. It was now that (S/o) was made away that the dress’s cinched front has been the only thing holding the albino’s breasts in place as she grabbed his hands to guide them to her bosom before laying back once more. Clumsily, (S/o) squeezed at the soft mounds in his grip before resuming his nibbling only now with added gentle groping. “God you really are so cute” Guido muttered into (S/o)’s ear as she playfully squeezed his ass before yanking down both his pants and boxers in one go. “Specially this butt of yours” she went on giving his rump another squeeze. The young man let out an unwilling moan at the sensation which brought out a laugh from the gunswoman. “Quit teasing him so much” Abbacchio chided softly her hand wandering down (S/o)’s stomach past his navel to his cock which was already at half-mast despite his reluctance. Her long, clever fingers quickly brought him to full hardness and she placed a waxy kiss on his forehead. She released him to fully remove her dress and undergarments before loosely wrapping her legs around his waist and grinding teasing against him. Guido ceased her assault on (S/o)’s body only long enough to drop her skirt and panties. She then ground herself against the young man letting him feel the gun still strapped to her thigh before pulling away to rifle through the nightstand drawer. “Let’s see... perfect! You really do think of everything Abba” the gunswoman said blowing a kiss at the albino as she scooped up the supplies she needed from the drawer and slammed it shut. She carefully unstrapped the gun from her leg and set it under the bed before slipping on a sizable strap-on in its place. She dropped to her knees and grabbed (S/o)’s thighs to pull his ass towards her face. Her tongue started out to poke playfully at his pucker which drew out a yelp from the young man. “What? Never had your ass eaten before?” Guido asked rhetorically as she repeated the action with more force to slip her tongue inside. She wriggled her tongue like a worm to start loosing (S/o)’s hole up for her strap-on. The gunswoman let one of her hands drift up to tease the boy’s entrance as well with a finger slipping in with little trouble. “Relax, it will hurt more if you keep your muscles all tense” Abbacchio said resuming her stroking of (S/o)’s cock while using the other hand to tilt his chin up so she could kiss him. The young man tried to obey her words even as his legs began to shake. Then almost as if they could read each other’s minds, both women stopped their ministrations. Guido rose to her feet, lined herself up with (S/o)’s hole, and took hold of his hips before slowly sheathing herself in the young man’s ass. Almost immediately   (S/o) began to struggle in pain of having something in his ass. He began to whimper out weak pleas for her to stop, to wait, to go slower, anything! “What do you mean it hurts?” Guido said in a low voice, for the first time sounding dangerous. “If it hurts, it’s because you’re struggling! Hold still and relax!” her tone was demanding and (S/o) had no choice but to obey by going limp. The gunswoman sunk the rest of the dildo into his until her tits were once more pressed against his back. “See? Was that so bad?” she said in a return to her playful tone as she made a hicky on (S/o)’s neck as she let him get accustomed to the feeling of fullness in his stomach. Abbacchio’s legs, which had been holding loosely all this time, tightened abruptly smashing her cunt against the head of (S/o)’s cock but failing to sink onto his shaft. “Lemme give you a hand Abba” Guido cooed one of her hands drifting from (S/o)’s hips to Abbacchio’s to help guide the albino so she could impale herself on the young man’s cock. (S/o)’s teeth dug into his bottom lip as the intense dual sensations. From the back he was before skewered on the gunswoman’s strap-on, from the front he was held in a vice-grip by the albino’s cunt. Guido pulling back and thrusting against his prostate broke (S/o) out of his daze. In an effort to get away from her attack he thrust forward but that only made Abbacchio squeeze him tighter in a vicious cycle. Eventually, he let himself just give in to the sensation and worry about the consequences later. “Say you love me” Abbacchio said seeming out of nowhere as her eyes rolled back in pleasure. When (S/o) only stared at her in silence her nails dig into his back. “Would that be so hard? I just need you to say you love me” she hissed out angrily. Bewildered, the young man said the requested phase and was rewarded by kisses and the albino’s hips bouncing against his at an even faster rate. “Don’t forget about me~ Say you love me or you won’t be cumming until the sun rises” Guido purred into (S/o)’s ear as she teased his nipples. Once more he repeated the words requested of him and was given an increased pace in return. Things began to get hazy before the young man finally came, spilling his seed into the albino woman’s depths. He felt her tighten around him again as her own climax rushed over her and she went limp. After that, it was long before the gunswoman’s hips came to a halt as she came from the end of the strap-on in her cunt. All the parties panted heavily as the high slowly ebbed. Guido pulled out and discarded her strap-on onto the floor to worn out to care as she flopped on the bed next to the still entangled pair. Weakly (S/o) pulled out from Abbacchio’s cunt, wincing at the flood of cum that spilled out at his exit. He tried to move off the bed to leave but was pulled down by both women who held tight to his limbs. “Where you think you’re going cutie? Haven’t you heard of pillow talk or cuddles?” Guido said playfully pulling (S/o)’s head against her chest as Abbacchio wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. It was only now that (S/o) really began to regret going out on a date that night... THE END

[chyrstis]

I won’t ask for much (but just this once, I’d like you) 9/10

Fell off of the updating schedule big-time with this one, but better late than never! There’s only one left to go here after this, and if I can motivate myself properly, I’d love to have another ficlet ready by that update to add to this AU too. Until then, let’s get back to the happier side of things.

Pairing: Sharky Boshaw x John Seed Rating: E (but only for Ch. 10, the rest are a solid T) Word Count: 3.3K  

Link to AO3!

Ch. 1 / Ch. 2 / Ch. 3 / Ch. 4 / Ch. 5 / Ch. 6 / Ch. 7 / Ch. 8 / Ch. 9 / Ch. 10

—

Sharky steals a boat. It just happens to be John’s boat, and when it’s damaged along with his boathouse, John proceeds to lay out a means of having Sharky pay him back. [No Cult AU]

———–

Every shovel Sharky owned he threw in the trunk. Packed them all, and didn’t care if they all bumped into each other as he took every corner faster than he should’ve.

That shouldn’t have worked. Hell, that shouldn’t have registered or been anything close to a winning proposition, but he said yes. John picked up, he heard him say yes, and that was all it took for him to throw everything aside for it. To grab Hurk, tell him what's what and go, and he was willing to dive in headfirst just to get an answer. All just to have the chance to put a pin in any of this.

And to see him, but he’d known that for a while now.

The white that covered everything as he pulled up was beautiful. Almost too pretty to mess with, but the wheels of his car drew jagged lines through it, and after getting out he had to hold back on the urge to drop down and see how good of a snow angel he could pull off.

Grabbing one of the shovels, Sharky trudged over to the front door, and stood there. Stared at the doorbell like it was going to jump out at him until he jabbed at it. Then hit it one more time just to make sure it worked.

After that came the waiting. That was what sucked, and after a few seconds of it, he started fumbling for a cigarette. Searching both pockets, however, gave him nothing. Not a loose one, not pocket lint, but he did find some stray matches.

Taking one out, he twisted it between his fingers as he kept on patting himself down, and dropped it when the door opened and he caught John looking out at him.

John, cautious, but hopeful, and that was all he needed for that old feeling to kick in again. The one he’d tried to put out and failed, and he forced himself to do anything to get the ball rolling. Anything, just to keep from staring at John dreamily as he stood there on his doorstep.

Pulling himself up, Sharky grabbed for the shovel and held it out in front of him. Almost like one would a spear, and he cleared his throat.

“Yo, so snow. You got a lot of it here.”

Giving the area behind Sharky a passing glance, John nodded slightly. “It appears to be so.”

“And I know you want that shit out, and fast. Now I’ve got a few ways of doing that. Got the traditional way, the express way, and the uh, Boshaw Barbeque way. Not gonna just limit you to one, I figured you’d want the full set of things to pick from.”

The look of interest in John’s eyes grew. “I remember you mentioning a few over the phone. Any recommendations?”

“Well, namesake’s kinda a no-brainer. ‘Cause usually that means I can go a round or two outside with my flamethrower. Torch the shit out of it and clear it out without thinking too much.” Stopping to rub at his neck as he thought it over, he made a face. “Think that might be the express way too.”

“So, two out of the three ways involve…fire?”

“Uh, yeah. Kinda my go-to for most things, but I figured you might wanna limit that.”

John’s reply came fast, “Agreed.”

“But the others are still open. If you change your mind, I’ve got her loaded up back there. Takes nothing to just whip it out on a second’s notice, and get the job done. But ol’ faithful it is. Just shoveling that shit, and shoveling it well. And I could probably dig up a few testimonials for that too, if you wanna go through them first.”

John raised a hand to rub at his lips, considering him as he stood there. “No, I don’t think that’ll be necessary. As entertaining as I’m sure that would be, your word will do just fine.”

“So,” setting the shovel down, Sharky cleared his throat, “ready to work with Boshaw and er…well, it’s just one Boshaw, but I like the idea of having a name for it. Makes it sound all official, ‘cause it’s coming together. Just slowly.”

“You do have name recognition on your side right now. Or would that be more notoriety?”

“Hey, being known for something’s not all bad. Being known for the kind of thing that you’ll be using? Guarantees you’ll make it work. And here? Still offering up a service, and fire or not it’s getting done. So, fuck it. Tell me where to start, and I’ll get right on that.”

Barely hiding a smile behind his hand, John gestured indoors, “Let me get my coat.”

---

This was going well. The kind of well that had him hoping there wasn’t something awful waiting just behind the scenes to strike, because his hopes were at an all-time high, and Sharky wasn’t ready to let them crash back down to earth.

John took another shovel, with the reasoning behind it being that one man couldn’t possibly put a dent into any of this alone. Not quickly. It was his fault for having a fucking mansion for starters, but the minute he started chipping in, Sharky couldn’t quite keep the grin off of his face.

“More snow’s coming in tonight,” John said, not breathing hard yet, but each one left his mouth in a white puff. “Not heavy, but enough to make it a problem.”

“See, we could get all of this taken care of in a night, but I know my method’s off the table. Just offering that again, in case you’re looking for something quick and easy.”

“And I appreciate the offer, but I fail to see how that would make it easier.”

“Just point, work the trigger a little to see how you like it, then gently sweep the stream back and forth.”

Making the motion with his hands, he rocked back and forth, putting his hips into it too, and only stopped when he noticed the wry way John was looking at him.

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. That shit works wonders when you’ve got twenty feet of snow and only one buckaroo around to move it all.”

John set his hands on top of the shovel. “Namely yourself.”

“Yeah, though Hurk’s had my back ever since we were little. He’s been there for me for anything and everything, and if I asked right now he’d be at my house in ten with a sled and a spare shovel. Course we’d skid down any slopes first, ‘cause an opportunity like that you just don’t pass up, but after he’d throw in with me to cart that shit out. No complaining, or fussing, or nothing. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. Just sucks he’s out of town often as he is. Seen some real strange shit too, going off of what he’s brought up.”

“Well, maybe you won’t have to handle it alone next time.”

Sharky paused mid-shovel. “Say what?”

“You could…ask.”

“Ask you?”

John tilted his head to the side, glancing down briefly before making eye contact again. “I understand I’m not going to bring a lot of firepower to it, but it’s another set of hands.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah," he said, shaking off the surprise that had set in. "Having two heads and four sets of hands to use? It sure would be. Maybe clear all that snow up before that tingly sensation kicks in, you know that kind where you lose the feeling in your fingers? What a thing that’d be." And the idea of it was more than enough to put a broad smile on his face. "Thanks, man.”

John waved him off, but let his attention linger on him even after going back to shoveling. That might’ve made Sharky put his back into it a little more, when he wasn’t trying to look over at him himself.

Pink started to tint John’s face, mainly his cheeks, which reminded him of one of those old Christmas figurines he had a bad habit of knocking over at his grandma’s. Rosy-cheeked, probably ghost-touched, going off of some of their weirder bumps in the night that happened during the holidays, but still smiling and happy. John wasn’t smiling directly, but every time their eyes met, he caught something there. Not even one of those ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ type moments, but there. It made that warm feeling run through his chest again, and Sharky felt his mouth moving before he could stop it.

“You know, uh…you can come by again. Anytime. Just to shoot the shit, hang, dodge Broseph or Jake if they’re getting at you. Or hell, bring ‘em. We can all rock the firepit, I’ll set up some music, and we can just chill.”

Sharky cleared his throat, focused right on the pile of snow that kept on growing, and kept on talking.

“Or we could hop in Hurk’s truck, go do some ice fishing, but by giving it the ol’ Shurky one-two fer. You know, ‘cause Hurkie and I came up with it, and if we wanna trademark that it’d take a while, but you’re a lawyer. We could all sit down, you slap on a suit and crack open that briefcase of yours, and set us up while you’re throwing around all of that shit they say on Law and Order, and…oh, fuck.”

He stopped and crunched enough numbers to sweat.

“That whole talking bit’s got a price tag too, huh? Shit, think you could uh, swing a bit of a first time customer satisfaction guaranteed deal for-“

He turned as John reached his side, and yelped as he yanked him forward by the front of his coat. Kissed him in full, his lips cold, but his breath warm. So warm, and so much closer than he had been not even a minute before.

The shovel hit the snow, falling right out of his hands. Trying not to trip over it, Sharky moved forward, grabbing for him as John slid a hand up behind his head. Kissed him back. Just like he’d wanted to weeks back. Days back. Today, soon after seeing him at his front door. Like he could right now, even as words kept on trying to bubble up and spill out.

But he was here. John was on him, kissing him, moaning into his mouth, and he couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe it even as it was happening.

Breaking away, Sharky pulled back. Blinked and held his eyes shut for a few seconds just to see if he could ground himself. But John was still there when he opened them. Still there, still holding onto him, and nearly pinched himself just to be sure.

Sharky laughed. “Fuck, man. You just…you like throwing me off balance, don’t you?”

“Me? That’s you. Has been you from the very first day I met you,” John said, stroking his cheek. “Officially, at least. This fool that thought it’d be a fine idea to borrow a boat - while intoxicated at that - and trusted he would be able to return it.”

“Hey, I only failed step four. Nearly had profit too, but…uh, yeah.” Leaning into John’s touch, Sharky let his eyes fall shut. “Better that I didn’t. Hindsight being twenty-forty and all that.”

“Twenty-twenty.”

“Whatever. But-“ But why? The thought crept in, and his smile grew brittle. “You change your mind, or…?”

John’s eyebrows drew together. “About what?”

“You didn’t… I didn’t think you-“

A shaky breath slipped out, and Sharky couldn’t help it. Took two steps back to get some distance between them.

“I’d run through this before. Thought this shit over, and you weren’t interested. And that’s cool, not everyone is. Shit, I didn’t even think I was until it fucking laid me out. ‘Cause when I said I liked you, I liked you. Like, enough to put up with damn near anything just to get a few more minutes with you.”

John let out a breath, and pressed a hand to his eyes. Murmured something softly to himself that Sharky couldn’t quite catch, only for John to repeat it soon after. “It wasn’t you.”

“Wasn’t what?”

“‘You’ that made a mistake. I did. And letting you think that for as long as I did wasn’t fair. Not to you.”

When he lowered his hand, Sharky didn’t need to guess the expression crossing John for once. Regret came through clear as day.

“I don’t have friends. For a long time it wasn’t wise to, and the ones that I did make quickly showed me it was only for what they could get out of me. What they could take. Others took it further than that, and…I did the same in turn. Took people that I could’ve grown close to, and trusted, and used them instead. Ruined what could’ve been something wonderful. Something to cherish, and hold on to.”

John pursed his lips together, and gave him a rueful look.

“I knew what this was building towards. Ignored it. Then let myself want it. Where was the harm? But there’s always a catch to wanting. Wanting something, or someone. Was I doing it again? Being selfish? Taking that, twisting it just enough to make it into something that would harm more than help?”

Searching his eyes, John started reaching for him before drawing his hand back to his chest.

“But did you even want me? As a friend or anything else? I thought I saw the first there, and gave little thought before trying to see what was beyond that.”

“Like, I kissed you,” Sharky said, frowning slightly. “That’s…that wasn’t crossing any wires there.”

“But I put you in that position. When we stopped-”

“John, I was full on set to keep on going, man. Like, I wanted it. Thought you’d stopped, realized what the fuck was going on and decided to slam on the brakes once you’d got some sense back. And sure, I needed to cool it and think it over, but that was just…” Sharky paused, and drew in a deep breath, “just to come to realize how much I liked being around you. Okay, getting hit with the whole ‘shit, guess I’m bi too’ bit didn’t hurt, but I wanted to be there. Wanted to finish all of this, and maybe see where it’d go after that. And you, uh…”

“I came home. I told you we were done, and forced you off of my property.”

“Yeah,” Sharky replied, looking away. “Yeah, it pretty much went like that.”

“It was…I thought I was making a wise choice. To put that distance back where it should’ve been the entire time, because I was making the same mistakes all over again. And I didn’t trust myself with that. Or you.”

“And I wanna respect that. You’ve gotta do right by you, and you didn’t wanna fuck me up, but…maybe it’s not always gonna lead straight to a bad end, you know?” John kept his eyes on Sharky as he took a few steps closer, on edge, but not backing away from him, and Sharky continued, “I mean, I’ve heard you like having me around. Is that right?”

That, John didn’t hesitate to answer. “I do.”

It brought a smile out, and Sharky didn’t hide it. “Already told you how I feel. Unless…you want me to go over that a little again. Break it down some more.”

John raised his chin. “I might.”

“Okay, let’s see,” Sharky said, rubbing his hands together. “I like you. Like hanging with you, and shooting the shit. Like working on your plane. Car’s also good, and I like looking at you, though uh, that’s not the sentimental kind of thing we’re going for right now.”

John chuckled, “No, not quite.”

“But it was nice being here. Being wanted. Knowing you wanted me here at all, even if it was only to fix shit up at first. And to get sprayed the hell out of, but that was a bad moment. Got the drop on me, and I wasn’t super slick when it came to getting out of it. But I handled it, and later on, I had some other cool moments.”

“True. We can’t forget that.”

“And I uh, mentioned the talking, right?”

“You did, but as nice as that was, maybe I liked looking at you too.”

Sharky blushed, laughing at it only to grow quiet when John stepped closer. Almost enough to cross back into his space, and felt his breath catch.

“Just like right now.”

“Well, uh, shit,” Sharky sputtered, as John ran a hand up the front of his coat, right along the zipper. He toyed with that enough for Sharky to drop his eyes only to park them right on John’s lips, “Um. That right?”

“Yes, I believe so. But if you need any convincing, I could go into more detail.” The look John wore now he’d have to be blasted beyond all comprehension to deny. “Break it down some more.”

“You talking a lot? Or like-”

John tugged him close enough to share a few directly with him, breath all too hot against his ear as he did so. Outlining everything in the kind of painstaking detail he’d come to expect. But this wasn’t history, flying, or anything having to deal with the nuts, bolts, or screws of the boathouse.

This was all about him. The subject of choice, and the thing that kept John pressed right up against him. What he’d noticed. What he’d liked. Painting just the kind of picture Sharky would’ve been all too glad to slot into, especially if it kept John at his ear like this. Whispering the kind of things he’d never thought he’d ever hear him say.

“…Fuck me running, man. You ain’t messing around any.”

“It pays to be thorough.” John’s lips grazed him, brushing his earlobe as he stayed close, and every breath coming out of him made him want to curl in closer. “To never overlook a single detail, no matter how small, or insignificant it might seem.“

Swallowing thickly, Sharky rasped, “Speaking of details, I might’ve missed one last thing here. Really meant to bring it up.”

“What?”

“The whole kissing part.” Leaning back to look at him, their noses brushed together as he didn’t quite escape John’s orbit. Stayed well within range as he hovered closer and closer by the second. “Liked that a whole hell of a lot too.”

Kissing him this time wasn’t a problem. No, it was all too easy as he wrapped his arms around John, and held him as close as possible.

John’s fingers ran through his hair, knocking his winter cap off onto the snow, and he shivered. More from the cold than the gesture, but John seemed set on giving it a run for its money anyway. He didn’t pull, just tugged him closer as he deepened the kiss, dragging a moan right up and out of Sharky’s throat in record time. He also seemed set on finding a way to slip his hands under Sharky’s coat, and he barely held off from giving John added access. ‘Cause stripping was totally cool. Stripping outside in this weather was a dumbass stunt, and he held off.

Soon though, John broke the kiss to whisper something into his ear. Distracted by the feeling of his lips on his neck, Sharky leaned into him, and felt him laugh as he repeated what he’d initially said.

“Much as I like this,” John said, his breath warm against him, “standing out here with you, I think it’d be a lot more pleasant inside. Where it’s warmer for one, and maybe we can also find a few other means of keeping it that way. Do you agree?”

Sharky swallowed hard at the suggestion, nervous, but eager. “Yeah, let’s…let’s do it.”

Grabbing John’s hand, he squeezed it tight. And when he felt himself being guided towards the house, he stayed close behind.

[reckoningss]

The Shield - Part 7

Summary: Homicide detectives Mia Wallace and Thor Odinson are partners with a reputation for closing the tough cases. Their latest, however, proves to be more difficult than expected as the two contend with a killer with an interesting MO, an overbearing District Attorney, and unreconciled feelings.

Pairing: Detective!Thor x OC (Mia Wallace)

Warnings: Language, Mild violence, discussions of death

Wordcount: 2.7k

“I just... I just can’t believe she’s really gone.” 

Marsha  Peters further crumpled the piece of tissue clutched between her slender fingers to about the same density of a supermassive black hole and dabbed the tiny sodden ball beneath her red-rimmed eyes. The action removed more than a little bit of concealer. She hiccupped another sob. “I keep expecting her to call me over to watch The Bachelorette.” 

Thor pressed his lips into a grim, yet sympathetic, line, and patted Marsha’s quivering shoulder. “I don’t have cable, so we would always have wine and movies at her place and now it’s a crime scene.” 

Mia felt sorry for her too. 

Women like Marsha Peters and Sharon Carter weren’t used to not being so put together. Losing control of their lives wasn’t something that they expected, and so it wasn’t something they could ever truly plan for. But good God, if they didn’t look great when it happened. 

Mia took the thin woman in -- her black hair, still gleaming, but with a little less luster, delicate wisps of it escaping her intricate updo in a way that said “help me” more than it said “hopeless.” Her silk top was wrinkled but expensive, the same as her blue-black pencil skirt. And the dark circles her constant dabbing revealed beneath her green eyes made them appear larger when they sparkled with tears. She sagged pitifully against the frame of her front door.

Everything about her inspired protectiveness, demanding that everyone who saw her give her all the comfort and reassurance they could muster. Mia herself nearly felt like folding the woman into a hug. Nearly. 

They were back at the site of Annette Gordon’s murder, following up with her neighbor and apparent best friend from down the hall. They were all back, Mia reminded herself. Sharon stood between her and Thor, dark eyes bright with interest. Mia was half surprised the DA hadn’t taken out a pad of paper and a pen to take supplementary notes to the ones Mia had already jotted down. 

It had become something of a point of contention in the week since their appointment as security detail -- Mia and Thor conducted their investigation, Sharon took issue with some part of their procedure, and she and Mia would argue while Thor remained painfully silent only to talk Mia down in private later. Wash, rinse, repeat. She was developing a headache from the speed with which they moved through the cycle every day. 

Thor was always quick to remind her that Sharon wasn't the enemy. “We all want the same things,” he liked to say. Mia partially disagreed with that. Sure they both wanted the killer behind bars, but where Sharon wanted power and recognition, Mia’s needs were more simple. At the end of the day, she wanted her partner to be just that -- her partner -- and not Sharon’s arm candy down at city hall. She knew it wasn’t a very generous thought, but the mental image didn’t inspire very many generous feelings, so she wouldn’t fault herself for internal honesty.

“Did she...have any enemies that you know of? Anyone with a less positive perception of her?”

Marsha managed a watery smile. “I wouldn’t know who. Annette was so cordial! You know, she organized the monthly wine social for all the tenants. She said everyone knew everyone in Vermont and she wanted it to be like that here. She missed that sense of community.” Another sniffling sigh. “She invited everyone. Even Mr. Walski upstairs and he’s practically a shut-in. Never talks to anyone, not nicely anyway, and she marched all the way upstairs when he didn’t RSVP to say no and handed him the invitation herself.” She let loose a tinkling laugh that, under any other circumstance, would be infectious. A few more tears slipped down her porcelain cheeks. 

Thor shot Mia and glance overtop Sharon’s head, alarm was plain as day in his eyes undercut by something else -- recognition. They’d met more than one loved one of a murder victim who wavered somewhere between despair and giddy hysteria. No sooner had Marsha started laughing than she sobered again, her mouth shrinking to a thin, pale line, her eyes wide and wet. 

“I won’t pretend,” she began again, her voice quavering, “that everyone loved her. Because they didn’t. She could come on...a little strong. She knew that people didn’t like her -- exes, people at the office. But this? I can’t imagine anyone disliking her enough to do this.” 

Mia scribbled absently on her pad. They’d already checked into Annette’s relations and acquaintances to find little of note, and there’d yet to be any recognizable overlap between her life and that of the killer’s other victims. There just had to be something else. 

“Did you notice anyone out of the ordinary hanging around before that night? Anyone at all in or around the building? Maintenance men or service pro-” 

“Or anyone since?”

Mia bristled at Sharon’s interjection, gritting her teeth and cutting an eye at the shorter woman. She’d intended to ease into that portion of the question.

Marsha’s eyes went wide, thin brows furrowing. “No but- not that I can think of. Should I be worried?” She flitted her frightened gaze between the three of them. “Is he going to come back? Do it again? Here?”

“That-” Mia shot daggers at Sharon before she could open her mouth, “isn’t likely. This guy’s been operating under a pattern. He’ll probably just move on.” 

Sharon didn’t seem to be satisfied with that answer. “Do you have a license to carry?” 

Marsha’s eyes were as big as saucers now. “No. Shoul-” 

“Here.” Sharon whipped a business card out of her purse and scribbled something with more speed than Mia had ever known her to use. She shoved it into Annette’s pale hands, squeezed in next to the crumpled tissue. “When you get one, go here. It’s where I got my pistol. Give them my name.” 

“Yo-you think I’ll need a gun? He’s going to come back here isn’t he?” 

 The back of Mia’s neck was growing hot, anger creeping up to strangle her. She could already imagine the heated remarks she and Sharon would exchange on the ride back to the station, while Thor -- predictably -- stayed neutral and quiet. 

Thankfully, mercifully, Thor stepped in now. “No one’s saying that. This guy hasn’t struck the same place twice since he started and he won’t want to break pattern now.” 

Sharon almost continued, but Thor cut her off. “Your best bet is to look into a home security system. Automated locks and some cameras. I’m sure...”

At the far end of the hall, near the stairs, a floorboard creaked so low Mia nearly didn’t hear it beneath the rumble of Thor’s voice. Her gaze was drawn to the dark stairwell, eyes straining into the darkness of the cracked exit door...when her ears caught the muttered hiss of “shit!” Something gleamed in the sparse light. 

“Get inside!” Mia turned her back on the DA, using her own body as a shield and keeping eyes on the figure disappearing down the stairwell as the door swung shut. Sharon and Marsha both jumped at her hardened tone, and Sharon began to protest, but Mia didn’t care. Turning she grabbed Sharon by the shoulders and shoved her into Marsha’s open doorway. “Lock the door. You do not open until you see either me or Odinson, got it?” 

She didn’t wait for a response. Knowing that Thor would get the two women secured, Mia took off down the hallway at a sprint. She could hear feet hammering against the old stairs as she flung the door open.

“Stop!” Mia unclipped the gun holster beneath her jacket as she ran. “Police!”

Whoever had been watching them, didn’t even break stride. Mia scrambled to the banister and peered over, training her pistol down ahead of her. A figure in black clambered downward, nearly two floors below her now and descending fast. 

“Shit! He’s heading down!” Mia shouted, hoping Thor heard her as she threw herself down the first flight. 

She took the stairs two at a time -- three when speed and balance allowed -- her shoulders slamming into the walls as she hurtled into each landing only to rocket down the next flight. She could barely keep enough air in her lungs, but she knew this feeling -- the adrenaline, the rush. It pushed her faster. Made her sharper. 

Mia flew over the last flight of stairs onto the ground level, boots jarring against the stone floor just as the figure reached the door to the lobby. He was wheezing with the effort, one big hand splayed across the wood of the door and he pushed.

“POLICE!”

Mia leaped. 

The pair of them -- Mia and this fleeing figure -- spilled into the lobby in a grappling, grunting heap. Something black skittered away from them across the floor. Mia straddled the man’s back, grabbing his right arm and wrenching it behind his back as he struggled. 

“Get off me!” 

“Not a chance.” She shoved her knee across the restricted arm, bearing down with her weight to keep it in place. The man jerked back with his free arm, catching Mia’s left brow with a sharp elbow. Light bloomed behind her eyelids, but she shook it off. Cursing, Mia wrestled his other arm down and pressed the muzzle of her gun between the man’s shoulder blades. “Stop. Resisting.” 

The sensation gave the man some pause. He stopped squirming, but  he cut one wild eye at her, pressing his sweaty cheek to the stone as he spat, “this is excessive force!” 

“Uh-huh.” Mia freed her handcuffs from her back pocket and tightened one cuff around the man’s wrist. Sure as day, she could already feel a warm trickle of blood rolling down the side of her face. “I identified myself and gave you a direct order to stop. You ran.”

“I feared for my safety!”

“Was that before or after you hid in a stairwell to eavesdrop on official police business? Hear anything interesting?” Mia clapped the other cuff around the man’s wrist and tightened.

He grunted as she pulled him to his feet, slotting the pistol back into her holster. “Can’t I just be a concerned citizen?” 

“A concerned citizen who runs from the police?” Both Mia’s and the man’s heads snapped to Thor as he emerged from the elevator. He cocked a disbelieving eyebrow. 

The toe of his shoe prodded something as he walked and he bent to pick it up. “What’s this?” 

“That’s private property! MY private property!” The man started squirming again, struggling to get out of Mia’s grip. 

She held on tighter, clenching her jaw. “Calm. Down.” 

Thor lifted the Canon DSLR camera to eye level and inspected it. He shook it at the man. “Catch anything good?” 

“Nothing that’s your business!”

“We’ll let CSIs determine that. Could be evidence.” Thor strode forward and snatched the black ballcap off of the man’s head. He flinched away. “She said. Stop. Struggling.” 

Peering around the (now silent) suspect, Thor caught sight of his partner’s split brow.  A storm front of anger swept across his face and he scowled at the man before slipping his phone out of his pocket and punching at the screen. Mia could hear the faint ring of an outgoing call as he lifted it to his ear, never taking his eyes off the man.

“Yeah, Parker? I’m going to need you to come down to the Gordon crime scene and pick up a suspect. Wallace and I need to secure the DA.” 

The man stiffened in front of Mia. “What? Wait, wait, wait, suspect? Am I under arrest?” 

The look in Thor’s eyes said something akin to ‘are you stupid?’ “Yeah. You are.”

“For what?” 

Mia rolled her eyes at the indignation in his voice. “Resisting arrest, smartass.”

“Assault of an officer,” Thor added, “if you’re feeling lucky.” 

“Wait.” The man craned his neck to lock eyes with Mia, his own huge with alarm. “This is all a big misunderstanding!” 

Mia snorted. It would seem that now the man was trying for some level of cordiality now. Thor only nodded, his feigned sympathy seemed alarmingly sincere. He patted the man’s back like an old friend. “We’ll sort all that out at the station.” 

Right on cue, officers Parker and Leeds strolled through the door, more than eager to take part in the high profile investigation. Mia and Thor passed the suspect off to them for transport back to the station where he’d be processed and put in a room for questioning. Mia took her time, moving toward the elevator as they left, she hoped he waited for hours. 

As they hummed upward in the metal box, Mia was keenly aware of Thor’s eyes on her.

“What?” She tried to squint at him but grimaced instead, reminded of the wound she’d soon be adding to her catalog of scars. 

“Come here.” Thor’s hand wrapped around the back of her neck, cradling the base of her skull as he drew her in. With the other, he skated his fingers along her jaw, extending a thumb to swipe at the trickle of blood drying on her temple. “You ok?”

Mia shuddered despite the familiar warmth. “I’m fine, it’s nothing.” She tried to shrug out of his hold, but Thor cupped her face and dipped his head.

His dark eyes caught hers and searching. “Mi, are you all right?” 

Mia could feel the back of her neck growing hot again, but this time, it wasn’t anger. She quietly prayed her partner wouldn’t feel the flush rising in her cheeks. “I’m fine, Thor,” she pulled away from his caring touch, swatting him with more good humor than she felt. “Don’t baby me.

His blue eyes watched her carefully, though he said nothing. But Mia hoped he couldn’t read what she’d really wanted to say all over her face. 

Part 8

[thestudyfeels]

hello there! this is part three of the get your shit together series! note: this article is a bit philosophical and wisdom-y, bc lmao i’m writing this thing at a way-too-late o’ clock so I’m going to shout at y'all and try to hammer this (good) shit into your heads the hard way. I apologize in advance, friend.

The Harsh Reality

I want you to do a reality check right now. C'mon, do it. How much did you get done today? Did you procrastinate yet again? 99% chances are that you did and that you failed to complete your to-do list. yet again. hey, don’t go away just yet. I’m just showing you what’s popping in your lives right now. And holy moly, you are wasting your life. That’s the harsh reality. I don’t know how else to break it to you, but yeah, you are wasting your life. As for feeling offended, you should. if you are, I can tell you that it’s working. I’m going to do magic here, just wait. alright, I want you to take a look, a deep look, into this picture. this is the number of weeks an average 90 year old has in his/her life. The number of years you too have, take or give a few more. And as Tim Urban said in his TedTalk, there aren’t really that many boxes! specially since we have used quite of them! now most probably you are shrugging this off by thinking “yo taylor, there are still quite a few left.  and to be accurate, we still have more that half of those boxes left. Chill dude.” and hey, you are not wrong. But here’s a different view towards it. Do you think you’ll be able to work your best when you are old and your bones are dying and you can literally hear a pop sound when you stretch everyday? you won’t. And even if you think you will, (I’ll pray for your bones, mate #rip) you wouldn’t want to. Wouldn’t you want to use the later years in your life to enjoy the fruits of your hard work? most likely, you would. So if that’s the case, I’m here to tell you that time is running out. Seriously. you don’t have enough of it.

Why Are You Doing This?

the biggest reason why people waste their time is because we haven’t learn how precious it is. We don’t understand that our life is super short. That humans are mortal and one day or another, we won’t be there anymore. We don’t understand that we only have a few decades to become the person we aspire to be, to live the dreams we’ve have had since forever. We believe if we don’t do our work today, it’s ok because we have tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, hey next year sounds great.

Every single thing takes a hell lot of time. An person sleeps for an average of 7 hours a day. That’s 49 hours a week. And 210 hours a month. And that’s 2520 hours a year. So, you sleep for more than 105 days straight in a year. Thus, you sleep for an approx of a complete year in four years of your life. Isn’t that a LOT of time? And that’s not all. We humans waste our time on a lot of other things and I only took the example of sleep, which is absolutely necessary. I didn’t even consider the other unnecessary things we spend our time on like cough, tumblr-ing, watching netflix etc. That’s why, it’s time that you learn to value your time more than anything else. Because your “real life” that comes after subtracting all the necessary and unnecessary things that you do, is really really short. and I’m not joking, I promise.

Loving Your Life

so now that you know how preciously short your life is, the next important thing is loving it.

why love it?

we only value things we care for or if them are necessary to us. We care for our friends and family bc we love them. We value our phone bc it’s impt to us and we can’t live without it. so unless you love your life, how will you ever value it? you’ll go on living with the flow, never getting the time to try out new things and to live life. Learn to love your life. It’ll change your entire perspective towards it.

ok but how do we do that then?

well, I got you mate. And no lmao, you don’t have to put up cute quotes on your dresser saying things like “yay, you are amazing!! I love you!!.” Those things are great, but loving life isn’t as easy as that. Nothing worth having comes easy. There you go, your quote for the day. But yes, there will be days when you have low self-esteem, and you’ll feel like beating yourself up for the smallest of the things. However if you truly love your life, you will be able to pick yourself up and clean up your own mess without too many pity-parties. well, here’s the only method to love your life, in the real way i.e. not the cheesy one, and it is - living in the present. story time, something I realized on my second last trip was that I never remembered what I had done on trips I had been on before. and in fact the reason wasn’t bc I had a bad memory, bc I had an amazing memory! (ur girl’s killin’ it in history, come tHRU) the reason was not being present at all. I was living on autopilot all throughout the trip, looking forward to what I was going to do next, than enjoying what I was doing now. As a result, I didn’t make any great memories. This time however, I was prepared.

how did I do this? / how do we live in the present?

remind yourself again and again to focus on what’s happening now, forget about what you’ll do in the future.

if reminding doesn’t help, literally tell yourself what you’re doing right now. When I was visiting this museum, I would tell myself - "now you are going to go into this beautiful place. Make some great memories.”

jot down what you did. I used to forget what I did all the time, so I started writing what I was doing including the tiny things that happened and honestly this has helped me so much.

the gratefulness list. every time you feel like you are living in autopilot, remind yourself of a wonderful day you have spent and tell yourself that if you live in autopilot you won’t remember any happy memories (how scary is that, and it has happened to me so trust me, it ain’t fun) & then force yourself not to zone out and come back to the present.

now ofc you are thinking - how does living in the present help you fall in love with your life?

well, it does. Once you start living in the present, you start noticing smol tiny details in the picture which you earlier wouldn’t have noticed. Suddenly, on my fall trip, I could see the tiny flowers near our hotel’s garden which would have passed my notice earlier. I noticed how I didn’t reach for my phone that much, other than to write down the day’s events. And obviously, I remembered laughing over zombie movies with my friends on the trip, I remembered the cheerful smile this woman gave me when I thanked her for helping me, I remembered all the tiny happy memories we had made. bc unless you start enjoying the little things in your life, and start “living”, how would you even expect to live a beautiful life? you need to be grateful and thankful for the happy memories you have made along the way if you want to be able to enjoy the life you live. And ofc unless you love your life, you won’t be able to value it. AND unless you value your life, there’s no question of conquering it.

The Action Plan

so now what? it’s time to realize that the person you love, aka you, is running out of time to become the person you would love to be. won’t you try to help yourself? here’s what to do. roll up your sleeves, use that beautiful mind you have, and mold your dream life out of your present one. it’s gonna take lots of hard work and hustle, but I know you have it in you. leggo.

hello! still there with me? hAH but i rly enjoyed preaching in this post and writing it for you guys bc honestly loving the life you live and living your life in the way you want is truly the best feeling in the world. but yup, I won’t bore you anymore (I will, but that’s in another masterpost, don’t leave me hAHA) so that’s it, it’s a wrap! if you have any questions/suggestions regarding anything I said up there, feel free to send in a message! my other masterposts are here and to request a masterpost, leave your question in my ask box!

I hope you all are well, stay safe and conquer life, you amaze conqueror. much love, Taylor   (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[dustyvixen]

woah hello new followers, time to force this shitty meme on y’all to introduce myself. ily <3

I didnt read any of these questions before hand, i just stole the first one i saw, so we’re all in for a wild ride.   General Information: - Full Name: Olivia. please never call me this - Public Nicknames: Dusty or Olive - Friends-Only Nicknames: Olive oil - Age: 18/19 in November - Gender : Female - Acceptable Pronouns: she/her - Sexual/Romantic Orientation:  Pansexual  - Relationship Status: Single - Spouse/Partner: ^^^ - Date of Birth: November 22 - Zodiac: Scorpio-Sagittarius cusp  - Birthplace: Queensland  - Current Residence: The dull void known as Brisbane - Occupation(s): Freelancer -- Appearance: - Blood Type: idk lmao - Nationality: Australian - Ethnicity/Ancestry: Half kiwi, half european (Scotland n shit aye) - Height: 5'5" - Weight: idk but I am very l o r g e - Bodily Build: Big, heavy, somewhat male weight distribution (thanks hormone disorder) - Eye Colour: brown - Hair Colour: dark brown, with dark amber ends (old hair dye)  - Skin Tone: Olive-ish - Scars/Markings: a few from when i was a kid, 90% stretch marks, lots of freckles on my arms -- Personality: - General Attitude: Chill, but easily aggravated. also super depressed and anxious woop - Life’s Aspirations: To exist tbh, art, taxidermy and botany are cool too i guess - Favorite Foods: M E A T. also mangos - Religion: none. I do work with The Morrigan though. - Likes: Plants, tea, bones, crows, natural history books, floral scents, foggy winter morning smells, Honey. - Dislikes: loud noise, prosciutto, maggots, city smells (aka fuel/diesel smell), possums in my roof, heat, - Fears: Vomiting, Closed in spaces (like one way tubes or caves), Strong winds (not fear, but they make me anxious) -- Relationships: - Father: Big pushover, I like to debate with him a lot, can sometimes be a bit narrow minded. Complains about dumb things like a kid. - Mother: avoid when shes in a mood ™ , she dealt with a LOT of bad shit in her life, kiwi af, good for some banter. - Sister(s): none - Brother(s): I got 3 older bros, we all give each other shit like good siblings - Best Friend: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE MANG - Pets: 3 Budgies (Levi, Kea, and Apollo), 1 carpet python (Aphrodite), 1 dog (Wolf), 2 rats (Hemlock and Ash), 1 cat (Zelda), and 8 Chickens  --- Anyone you admire a lot? - Confident, yet kind people  If you could go two years back in time, what would you tell yourself? - id just punch myself in the head for focusing so much on trying to get into relationships instead of SELF LOVE BITCH

When did you realize your current sexuality? - uuH i think in like grade 7 or 8?? idk it kinda just happened lmao Do you have any lesser-known talents? - Good at judging a situation/emotions, tying knots  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What was the last verse of the song you're listening to- where the trees grow taller and the suns are smaller somehow. Ever gotten in a flame war? - nope What's the last thing you did before this meme? - scrolled through pinterest lookin up plants What is your favorite fruit? - Mangos, pomegranates, cherries and lychees What time do you usually end up going to sleep? - 12am-1am  What's your catchphrase/A word you use a lot?-  my dude, lmao, woop, uhh

What is your alignment (Lawful, neutral or chaotic matched with good, neutral or evil)? - Chaotic neutral What was your first fandom? - the warriorcats, but i never made OC’s n stuff, i just read the books How are you feeling right now? - questionable Are you good at Mario Kart? - ill woop yo ass at mario kart What do you do on an average Saturday night? - divination, sometimes drink,  HOW MANY CAPRI SUNS HAVE U DRINK IN THE LAST 48 HOUR???? - we dont drink that devil liquid here Who's your favorite OC that you own? - please dont make me choose, I have 80 of them. Are you a proactive or reactive person? - reactive How many days until your next birthday? - im too lazy to check How many blankets do you sleep with? - 2-3 in winter (a duvet, and 2 mink blankets), none in summer What are three OTPs of yours? - none What's a song you hate? - Blurred lines Art or music? - ???what???

What's a song that reminds you of your lover/crush? - obedear, by purity ring Do you have a celebrity crush? - no?? i never understood them How do you want to die? - i dunno? in my sleep i guess What's your opinion of the last person you talked to? - the best nublet of them all What are your favorite fandoms? - Avas demon, uhh im not in a lot of fandoms What do you usually draw? - Monsters and questionable things How'd you come up with your username? - The first roadkill i picked up was an old mummified vixen.  What's the weirdest thing you've done in public? - talked about murdering possums with a potato Coke or Pepsi? - n o n e How many friends do you have? - a few Using three words, how would your friends describe you - weird, uh, angery How would you describe your morality? - Im trying to improve it, but its average i suppose How emotional are you? - very Who's your favorite fictional character? - CALCIFER

What's your favorite music album? - Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues

How's your social standing? - i rarely leave home so its non existent What's the worst media you have ever consumed? - consumed??what??? Any movements you make unintentionally (drumming fingers, twirling hair)? - bouncing my leg Have you ever been romantically attracted to a fictional character? - nay What social media site do you use the most? - Twitter or DeviantArt idk What's your favorite video game? - Oblivion, Spyro, MediEvil. honestly there’s a lot so i cant pick one What are some personality traits you despise? - extreme narcissism, elitism, entitlement. Ever been to a convention? - one, an alternative expo years ago, im too poor to afford conventions Cats or dogs? - dogs, but i still like cats What does your favorite shirt look like? - its my pajama shirt with a boston terrier on it Do you think Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer? - fuck this meme thing was longer than thought. all that to end on this question? shit man. of course he is the zodiac killer jeez.

[shutupandblog]

cute tags

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? // more milk! 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? // YES OMG YES. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? // forks, notes, socks....anything I find in that moment... 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? // tea: just with water. coffee: flavoured creamer.... 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? // YEAH. 6: do you keep plants? // my mom forces her plants onto me so I have unexpected children to take care of. 7: do you name your plants? // no, I'll feel bad if I forget their names. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? // songwriting 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? // sing out loud, man. but yeah. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? // fall asleep on back easiest but wake up on my side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? // innovation at its finest, man. 12: what's your favorite planet? // saturn 13: what's something that made you smile today? // finding some of my old songs and realizing that they're not ALL lost. I was a genius in 2014 and backed it up on usb wow 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? // open concept omf hit me with the natural light and big windows. no walls. big kitchen. no curtains. piano. hardwood. pictures in frames. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! // "The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years." Source: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwji75-ZwYXXAhWqxFQKHSroDssQFggxMAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2014%2F03%2F05%2Fsun-stars-space-facts%2F&usg=AOvVaw2BqM1yEL36GBccqMtEtOWs) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? // i don't normally eat pasta so every time i see pasta i'll take anything. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? // grey and lavender. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. // 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? // i keep a lyric dump journal! 20: what's your favorite eye color? // GREEN 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. // my navy backpack was with my throughout high school and ib and i'm still using it in uni, so it's been to hell twice. 22: are you a morning person? // hell no 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? // listen to all my cd's and find new artists...song write...listen to more music... 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? // yes 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? // lol none 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? // threw them out yo 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? // banana  28: sunrise or sunset? // sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? // my one friend has a habit of crossing her legs and tapping her foot that’s in the air when she listens / hums music and it’s sO CUTE. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? // yeah. my mom went through a rough time and I hated being awake. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. // in general: no socks. Weird socks are cool. I usually take off my socks as soon as I walk in through the front door. If I wear songs, they’re ankle length. Can’t do anything higher than that. I hate tights, I don’t do tights. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. // i literally think we woke up at 4 to watch MAMA 2015 together. 33: what's your fave pastry? // i have no idea....bread pudding served on pie crust and ice cream? 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? // it’s gone. but it was called bonsai and it was a giant ass panda and i miss it. I had to get rid of it because we were moving and its head got ripped off. Or, ripped in half should I say. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? // I love them but I never indulge in it!!! alkjngakjdfd 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? // my mood right now? omg bts - wings. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  // messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! // wet bathroom floors, getting my socks wet, sweaty in the winter, when people touch my things and don’t put them back where they are supposed to be so i can’t find it ugh, touching people’s food while doing dishes (SCRAPE YOUR PLATE @ SIBLINGS), people stepping on my shoes, looming too close to me while talking....etc.... 39: what color do you wear the most? // grey, black, pink. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? // all my jewelry is meaningless bc I bought it all myself. Ahh- I have this one pearl necklace that my grandpa and dad bought for me in china and I haven’t worn it once. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? // gallagher girls series 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! // i’m not a coffee person 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? // myself a few mornings ago when I was going to my lab and waiting at the bus stop. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? // when i was in hawaii doing the longest hike of my life and finally reaching the “end” of the island and you could see no city. Just sea lions, turtles and water. Dark stones. Wind. It was just myself and it was quiet and it was so beautiful. I have so many videos. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? // fuck that shit, I got so many q’s wrong on tests because of it. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. // gravity sucks. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? // onions omf 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? // the dark. and yeah. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? // I LOVE CDs. Last record I bought: paramore- after laughter (i think). 50: what's an odd thing you collect? // cineplex tickets and guitar picks. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? // my friend S- I associate her with the song “Tokyo Jellybean” by Ingrid St-Pierre. She’s one of my favourite artists. I have never told her this. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? lol cracking a cold one with the boys bc my psych always opens a pop can in the middle of this lecture (ALL THE TIME) and i just get reminded. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only heathers bc my friend showed it to me and I really liked it! 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? // my friend Y. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? // raised my voice? 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? // being completely absorbed in their work, drinking coffee and looking out the bus window, falling asleep in random places. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? // uhh i just use this song to check if my right headphone is working lol 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? // wine mom is T and vodka aunt is Y. I mean, if you meet them you’ll know. 59: what's your favorite myth? // im uneducated 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? // i like poetry- short poetry. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? // I gave cough drops / i received paperclip holders 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? // i’m a morning water person 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? // YEAH I AM. Bookshelf man. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? // black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? // no bc if I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve probably dropped you. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? // baby’s breath, blue bells, daisy. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? // I LIVE FOR THOSE DAYS 68: what's winter like where you live? // either snowy heaven or mushy hell 69: what are your favorite board games? // i’m basic, so monopoly. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? / no 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? // oolong or vanilla something.... 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? // yeah i really need to 73: what are some of your worst habits? // drop my clothes all over the bedroom floor and leave them there.  74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. // a breath of fresh air 75: tell us about your pets! // i had a goldfish once but on the car ride home to my house it died. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? // STUDYING WTF AM I DOING ANSWERING A 100 QUESTION TAG 77: pink or yellow lemonade? // PINK 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? // i’m a spectator  79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? // painted me fake polaroids and stuck them in a colouring book omg 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? // tan. it’s the colour of my entire house.  81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. // didn’t pass engl man i can’t do this 82: are/were you good in school? // i WAS 83: what's some of your favorite album art? // rise against, fob, volbeat, ingrid st pierre, ts, bts. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? // i’ve always wanted a roman numeral tattoo but i don’t do commitment. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? // i only read peanuts and archie as a kid 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? // i only listen to pink floyd ..the wall. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? // not a movie person. can’t comment. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? // idk.... 89: are you close to your parents? // sure 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. // tokyo omg god save me 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? // the farthest i’ll get is my bed 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? // barely sprinkles a pinch 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? // up 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? // my auntie 95: what are your plans for this weekend? // this weekend is over and so is my academic career 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? // procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? // 1. don’t know, 2. scorpio, 3. ravenclaw 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? // real hike: this summer in hawaii, fake hike: w my friends downtown. I loved both times the same. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. // Exo- what if/my answer, Taylor- all too well/never grow up, Shawn: running low, Alessia: my song, Bts: sea, Pierre Luc lessard: sans combat 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? // 5 years in the future. The past 5 years have been hard.

I tag: @kabul1998, @iamnotmadamebovary

[letsprayitwritesitself]

groundhog dave part 6 afternoon four

9th January.

He couldn’t keep his eyes open. Like gravity was acting on them, forcing his eyelids down, yet when he indulged in a long blink, they burned. He made himself focus, squinting into his laptop screen and trying to figure out if the mysterious characters that he himself had written the night before were actually words.

Oh yeah I’ll wake up early and finish it in the morning, Jesus, when the fuck has that ever worked for anyone, God Davey.

He really wanted a cigarette. It was Friday morning, and he’d overslept. Kind of. If you could call making it to work at 7:15 oversleeping. 

It was a budget proposal for a new feature he’d managed to dream up midway through a weekend. A dry, boring piece of documentation he had to present to his superiors before being able to paint the air with his gorgeous ideas and assurances of how the feature would better the show (make them more money.) But his boss, who he’d emailed with the idea that Sunday morning, had given him a deadline of first thing Monday, giving him less than a day to get it together.

Why couldn’t they just trust him and give him a blank cheque?

Like an idiot he had let himself sleep, as soon as the words on the page started to become meaningless literally as he wrote them, and woke in a panic after five hours, pulled his clothes on and ran to the station, where he slammed his laptop down on his desk and hurriedly tried to finish the damn thing.

So maybe when Sheila from casting had brought the new weatherman over, he hadn’t exactly... noticed. Not straight away, anyway. He was busy.

‘And Jack, this is David, he’s one of our roving producers! You’ll be with him on the Groundhog... David?’ 

‘Huh?’ He looked up and blinked.

‘This is Jack, the new weatherman. First day!’

He tried to think. Man standing in front of him. Sheila from casting. Report. Deadline. Fuck. Fucking work. 

‘What?’

‘I’m Jack.’ Jack held out his hand. Davey glanced at it. He reached out and shook it, as he did so letting his eyes drift back to his laptop screen. Was that number right? That date?

‘Hey...’ He didn’t mean to be rude. But how could he meet someone new when he was clearly tied up in this? He had already forgotten this guy’s name. ‘It’s nice to...’ That figure was definitely wrong. Shit. ‘Sorry. This is.’ He meant to say a whole sentence but the rest fell away as he tried to locate his other spreadsheet, that little attention he’d spared utterly swept away. He didn’t see Jack bite his lip, raise his eyebrows and nod, and he didn’t see Sheila purse her lips and turn back to Jack.

‘Let’s get you introduced to make-up.’

Some time later, when the report was fired off, and he had the brain capacity to think about anything else, this encounter would dawn on him as a slightly embarrassing asshole move, but not one that he really had the time or inclination to fix. He couldn’t be too unhappy if he wasn’t best friends with everyone at the station, right? That wasn’t why he was there. 

//

February 2nd. Time four. Continued.

On his way into the square he saw Spot and a brief flame of self-consciousness flared up. Spot had no idea that they had - because they technically hadn’t... But then Davey had definitely - Christ. It felt icky. Like he had no right to know what Spot looked like in the throes of passion, and yet, as he stared at him, that was all he could think of (obviously, and it got more difficult to push away the more he tried.) Spot glanced at him as he attempted to force his mind away, and they locked eyes. He was wearing his signature glare, so Davey looked away immediately. But then. He knew, or could infer, from the other night that Spot... liked him. In some conceivable way. So he looked back up. And it felt dumb, but he let a lazy smile cross his face, and nodded his head just barely. Spot’s glare softened. Flirting - check. Ish.

He crossed to the far corner of the square, and to Jack and Crutchie. 

He felt like he could recite the ceremony word for word by now and resisted the urge to prove it, watching with a distant enthusiasm that was alien but not unwelcome. Right on cue after the broadcast snow started to fall.

‘It’s snowing!’ And he let himself be taken in just a little by Jack’s dazzling, childlike grin.

‘We weren’t expecting any snow, huh?’

‘Not ‘til tonight. Thought we’d be back before it started!’

‘You think we should get a move on, Dave?’ Crutchie eyed Davey as he crammed his camera back in its case. 

‘I feel like by the time we get to the highway we’ll be stuck here, this snow feels serious. You know how long it’s meant to last, Jack?’

‘It’s hard to say. Could be a couple hours. Could be days.’

Helpful, was what Davey would have replied any other day. ‘I think we should wait it out. I don’t trust myself driving us three and this equipment in heavy snow, anyway. I’ve got the station’s credit card. Let’s get brunch.’

//

Diner. Fogged up windows. Steaming mugs of coffee. And a giant stack of pancakes with extra bacon, syrup, and several scoops of ice cream for Davey. Jack watched him tuck in, eyes wide.

‘Never woulda had you down as the type, Davey. You struck me as a black coffee, brown toast kinda producer.’

‘Treat yo self, right?’ Davey took a gulp of his third cup of coffee (this behaviour was  not Groundhog Day induced, this part was just Davey.) ‘Like, sucks that we’re stranded here, but bright side: amazing pancakes.’ Jack stared, expression a mixture of nervous appraisal and admiration. 

It struck Davey then that despite his feeling somewhat... closer didn’t feel like exactly the right word, but... closer to Jack after their two nights in the bar, to Jack he was still the same kind of asshole that had been in such a terrible mood the night they had arrived, as far as Jack was concerned, twelve hours previous. He had softened this a little, by admitting his assholeness and apologising, but there was only so much damage control that could be done in a morning. Plus whatever he did would be swept away by this weird fucking phenomenon. It felt nice to try, though. And if he thought about it long enough and wanted to feel a little humble, he might just say that Punx was the best place to recharge his batteries, get away from some of the pressures of Philly, and as such prove both to himself and others that he wasn’t actually a jerk.

But he wasn’t quite there yet.

‘You’re right.’ Jack sat back in his seat, leaning one arm across the back of the booth and wrapping his other hand round his coffee mug. ‘I’m glad you’re starting to warm to Punx. I gotta say I was a little antsy. The way you’ve been talking about this trip I expected this place to be, like, a big field with no hot water and a population of twelve.’

‘You mean you weren’t looking forward to it? Jack Kelly, eternal optimist?’ The sugar in his breakfast was starting to make him jittery, and that awareness that the day was bound to be erased gave him a little confidence in steering the conversation somewhere new.

‘It’s not that I wasn’t looking forward to it! Well. Okay. I wasn’t... But I’m the face on the screen, right? Had to pretend I was.’

‘So it’s an act?’ Wow, Davey. How to talk to your coworkers 101: resist psychoanalysis. But, he tried to remind himself, this conversation would be erased. It would disappear. Probably.

‘What’s an act?’

‘The whole... Chipper, happy weatherman thing?’

‘I mean - I really am a weatherman. That part’s not an act.’

‘Right.’

‘But - I don’t know! Like, if I’m not looking forward to something, does that give me the right to just walk around with a long face all the time?’

‘Is that what I do, then?’

‘No! Come on.’

Davey sat back in his chair. This was starting to feel like a segue into a conversation he had always wanted to have with someone, but had never been able to. A perfectly sensible question, one that everyone wondered but just seemed a little much to ask. He bit his lip. Go hard or go home. ‘What do you... think of me?’

Jack raised his eyebrows at the question and a jolt of anxiety burned in Davey’s stomach. This is going to get erased. And if not... you can always move. 

‘What do I think of you?’

‘First impression. Most recent impression. Whatever. Be brutally honest.’

‘Brutally? Davey, I don’t know you. Not really.’

‘You must have some... thoughts.’ This was terrifying. Eschewing social norms was exhilarating in a way but mostly just fucking terrifying. 

‘Can I ask why?’

‘No. Maybe later.’

‘Alright. Can I have amnesty for this? You won’t get offended?’

‘If I do, I’ll pretend I’m not.’

‘Right. So - alright.’ Jack leaned forward on the table and studied Davey. ‘You are very good at your job. I can tell. And I’ve seen pictures of you at the Christmas party, so I know that the person who it sometimes seems like you are isn’t necessarily... Okay. I get the... impression... that you think you’re too good for the role that you’re in.’ Davey started to regret asking but couldn’t push away his desperation for the answer. Jack continued. ‘And maybe you are too good! You probably are - but what have you done to show people that you can be a kick ass producer, other than complaining about it and expecting people to agree with you?’ He paused and sat back, picking at the label on his water bottle. ‘Not that that’s - this is only stuff I’ve thought about the past day or so. Like I say. I don’t really know you.’

The whole thing felt like a sucker punch - one he knew in the back of his mind he would be happy to have heard, but - god. 

‘Oh boy.’

‘I’m sorry, Davey. You did ask...’

‘I know. Haha.’ He let out a long, shaky breath. ‘So how do-’ This would disappear. He could get away with baring his soul to Jack a little, putting his pride aside. ‘How do you do it? What makes Jack Kelly... Jack Kelly?’

‘Never really thought about it.’

‘I just - like. I get anxious.’ He sighed. ‘I’m anxious now. There’s a little stopper in my head keeping me from saying everything I want because I’m that nervous about the outcome.’

‘Then don’t be!’

‘Ah, right. Problem solved.’

‘Okay, that was dumb. But what are you actually afraid of?’

‘I guess... Getting laughed at. Or fired. Or just going off the other way, like, what if I let myself relax and do something really dumb and don’t realise, and everyone is laughing at me and I’m just that dense that I think everything’s fine?’

‘You have to not care what everyone thinks! You have to, like, reconfigure your head so you can devalue other peoples’ opinions - not to nothing, obviously, but to less. Right? Like, I’m on TV. I’m not famous but I’m there, any every morning after my forecast I get a dozen tweets from - yeah, ok, some old ladies who like seeing me, but there’s always a few people trying to be assholes.’

‘But those people don’t have power over your career. Why shouldn’t I care what the people at the network think when they’re the ones who could make or break me?’

‘You should care what they think, granted, but don’t be scared of them. And listen - those people do have power over my career. No one’s trying to put a weatherman the people don’t respond to on TV. So that means that everything I do is kind of a means to try and get people to like me. That’s... how I’ve formed my personality. I mean, I’ve never really looked at it that way, but I guess it’s true.’

There was a long moment of silence as they both processed what had been said. As awkward and convoluted this conversation had felt for Davey, it kind of felt like invaluable knowledge. He was glad to have it.

‘So, fair’s fair.’ 

‘Huh?’ He blinked and stared at Jack.

‘My turn. What do you think of me? Since we’re playing this game.’

‘Oh.’ Another struggle against his internal resistance to being anything but placid. He could see why Jack didn’t like answering the question. It was hard. But Davey had appreciated the honesty, so maybe... ‘It took me a while to warm to you.’ 

‘How come?’

‘I started to think that maybe we weren’t compatible, like, in a professional sense.’

‘No?’

‘Because you’re so good at people, and I’m not.’

‘You’re fine at people.’

‘I know I’m being weird right now and I’m nervous that you’re judging me, but at the same time...’

‘Doesn’t mean we aren’t professionally compatible thought, right? The media needs introverts and extroverts - introverts to think and extroverts to talk.;

‘You’re right. You are right.’

‘Back to me. Didn’t like me at first?’

‘I thought you were cocky and - fake sounds harsh, but... Affected, maybe. A performance. The smiles, the happiness.’

‘To be fair, Davey, you only really see me on the news.’

‘Yes! So then Punx, which I was dreading, but you - I think I’ve started to realise that it is your personality. It’s not fake. It’s nice to, you know, bring the sunshine, as it were.’

‘Someone has to.’ Jack glanced down at the table then back up at Davey. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’

‘Do you think everyone at the station thinks I’m fake?’

‘What?’

‘If you thought that...’

‘No! Jack, I’m sorry - I didn’t mean... I don’t know why I said it.’

‘Cuz I asked.’

Davey’s stomach twisted and he felt like a dick for instigating this. It had been interesting to know what Jack thought but did that mean he had to air his own prejudices about the poor guy? He almost looked a little cut up.

‘Jack - everyone at the station genuinely adores you. You have to know that.’

‘Yeah, but if I’m fake, maybe everyone else is fake, right?’ He stood up, pushing his plate away. ‘Excuse me, Davey. I need to go take a walk.’

Ah. 

He watched Jack leave, a contemplative look of disappointment on his face Davey had never  seen before. What the hell had driven him to that kind of unwelcome honesty? He’d never expected Jack to actually take it to heart. 

It was fine. It was okay. The day was going to repeat. It had to. He could try again. 

He left too, heading back to the hotel despite it being barely eleven. If he could just sleep, work, watch Netflix, anything until the next day, it would be fine. He didn’t want to risk fucking anything else up.

The walk back was only a couple of minutes, but a little eventful by Punx standards. As he stepped out the diner a tiny dachshund sprinted comically down the street, and a little ways away about a minute later a delivery man stumbled down the steps of his truck, spilling the stack of boxes he was holding and sending the contents, dozens of cupcakes, flying down the road. Davey felt the tiniest jolt of guilt as he walked past but figured the damage had been done, and the bakery employees the cakes were destined for could probably help. 

And of course, if he helped, it would probably only happen again tomorrow.

Just outside the hotel he had to duck round a woman standing at the gate talking to Mrs. Bloom - or weeping, it turned out, clutching an A4 printout that declared “MISSING PUPPY.” He recognised it as the pup that had just flown past him and forced himself to stop and mention this to the woman. 

A ladder leaned precariously against the hotel, where a cleaner finished up one of the first floor windows, stretching out to get the last corner. Just as Davey got inside the door, the ladder slipped into the soft soil under the man’s weight and toppled, sending him flying hard onto the lawn. Mrs. Bloom rushed over to attend, and Davey, at seeing the man sit up and proclaim ‘I’m okay, I’m okay!’ decided it was fine to not intervene. 

This stuff had probably happened the previous versions of this day and would only happen again tomorrow’s version of the day - and Davey had his own shit to figure out. 

[kookienomster3]

I Want The Headline (Pt. 30)

Written By: suga-of-daegu BTS Fanfiction Angst WARNING: MATURE CONTENT Mafia/Gang

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50

He gripped you before you could run from him, pulling you back into the hug. “I was so worried.” He cooed, “I thought Jiminie had killed you for sure!” You were confused as to why Taehyung was there until you looked around and saw the warehouse looming in the darkness. The alley had led right back to where you had started.

“Jeo-” Tae’s hand slapped over your mouth as he tsked at you.

“No, Y/N.” He warned, turning your head to Jungkook and Jimin fighting in the alley, “My little brother is busy. He’s finally home and doing what’s he’s supposed to do. Let him be.” He grabbed a fistful of your hair, nodding somewhere over your shoulder, “But there’s someone you can call out for.”

A little ways off, Yoongi stood alone, blankly staring at his hands. A running car was parked beside him, but he didn’t look like he was going to enter it any time soon. Tae grinned, swiveling you to the docks to your left, “Or..” He suggested, “You can just end everything now..? Your brother is dead. Jungkook is ours again and Yoongi doesn’t care about you.” He stared intently at where the road dropped off into the dark murky waters, “All you have to do is close your eyes and run and then..nothing. No more pain or hurt or loss, just white. That’s the best we’re ever going to offer you.”

Tae knew that Jimin was on the right track, but did not care until he realized just how much Jungkook was wrapped up in you. You were a problem and Namjoon was failing to solve it, so Tae would nip it in the bud. Trembling under his fingertips, he figured Jimin had shaken you up pretty job. His job now was almost too easy.

He grinned when you stepped towards the docks.

The grin shifted into a chuckle when you took another step.

Which shifted into a round of applause when you started running.

You were going to do it.

No one was looking. No one could stop you.

You were free.

Yoongi’s head snapped up at the sound of clapping, his thoughts interrupted. He raised a brow at Taehyung cheering and clapping and followed his line of sight to you, running like your life depended on it. Cutting his gaze several hundred feet ahead he saw jagged asphalt and nothing but crashing waves.

He hadn’t realized he was running after you until he heard his own voice screaming out for you. Yoongi almost tripped over his own feet when he saw you tilt your head back and run faster. Were you really trying to jump off the cliff? “Y/N!” He covered ground easily, your injured leg was inhibiting your speed drastically. He’d get to you in time, he was sure. He didn’t bother slowing down once he got close.

Yoongi rammed into you, crushing you against the fence, fingers looping through the chain links to hold you both in place, “What the fuck are you doing!?” He shouted, arm wrapping around your waist to throw you back against the fence when you managed to slip from him, “I’m fucking talking to you!”

“Jin’s dead!” You shrieked, “My brothers are dead! You killed my brothers! I fucking hate you! Get the hell off me, you piece of shit!” He quieted, struggling to keep you close to him as you struggled,

“I know.” He agreed, “I know, I’m sorry.”

“This is your fault!” You continued angrily, “Because you’re too much of a fucking coward to lead your own damn group! I was happy! I was happy before all of this! You ruined my life!”

“I know.”

“I hate you! I trusted you! I trusted Jimin. I trusted all of you and you’re all fucking liars and murderers and I hate you all!” You dropped your head onto his shoulder, clutching onto Yoongi tightly as you cried, “You’re all bad people..so, why did only my brothers have to die, Yoongi?”

“I don’t know.”

“They..they promised to walk me down the aisle one day..Only Jin even saw my graduation. I wanted them to meet someone and get married and maybe have kids..I wanted to be an aunt. I wanted so much for them, why did they have to die?” Yoongi blinked rapidly, cradling your head close to his,

“I’m sorry, Y/N..It’s all my fault, I’m sorry.” He whispered, “But Jin..your brothers..I don’t want you to kill yourself. Just talk to me..” He jerked back when he felt your lips brush against his. Yoongi shook his head, “Jeon is looking this way-”

“Yoongi please.” You pleaded softly, “I don’t want to talk. It hurts too much. Just let me kiss you and forget.” It had gotten Jungkook through most of his life, you were sure it could get you through this feeling now.

He turned his head from you. You were emotional and just trying to get some sort of distracting feeling from someone. You hated him, you said it yourself. “Kiss Jungkook-”

“I want to kiss you.”

Yoongi angrily stared down at you, “I kissed you how I saw him kiss yo-”

“You didn’t.” You pressed. “You kissed me how you wanted to kiss me. You held me how you wanted to hold me. You spoke to me how you wanted to speak to me. You weren’t acting like Jungkook, you were acting like yourself!” You gripped his collar, trying to pull his mouth down to yours. He felt something. You knew it. He knew it. Why was he lying to himself and you? Yoongi resisted you, his eyes mildly panicked,

“Y/N, he’s going to hurt you if I do that.” he pleaded, “Stop it, you don’t want this, what do you want from me?”

So he was still trying to protect you from Jeon?

“I want the truth.” You growled, “You feel something for me. You have to..I felt something for you. I woke up to you morning after morning for weeks. You took care of me when I got sick. You called me Jagi. We fucking held each other when we had nightmares,” You cried, “You can’t do that and not care. You actually cared..or pretended to. How could you not-”

“I feel something.” He admitted lowly, “I feel something, but I don’t know what it is and I’m trying not to get you killed before I figure it out.” He shoved your hands away, “Go to Jungkook, he’s coming this way.”

“Yoongi-”

“I’ll see you again, I promise. Just go.” He shut his eyes tightly, when you refused to move. “I’m not kissing you-”

“I’ll kiss you-” You suggested.

“It doesn’t matter who kisses who, he’s going to think that I’m forcing myself on you!” He hissed. Why were you insistent on this? No matter what he did, you were going to go with Jungkook and Yoongi would be forgotten.

You shook your head, “I’ll tell him I kissed you-”

That was the worst option. You could never kiss him in front of Jungkook, “He’ll hurt you-”

“I don’t care what Jeon will do.. I just want to kiss you one last time, Yoongi.” You argued. Yoongi looked at you. So you knew. You knew Jungkook was going to sweep you away and keep you away from him and you still wanted one last kiss? After all this, that he had ultimately caused, you still wanted one last intimate moment with him? “I want to at least pretend you actually cared like a normal person. Can I at least have that?”

His arms buckled, letting you pull him closer. Despite being so adamant about not kissing you, Yoongi had been the one to cradle your face, drawing you into him. His lips parted over yours, a content sigh passing through his lips at the feel of you against him. This was the last time, he reminded himself. The last time he’d get to feel your fingers curling into his shirt and your eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. The last time he would be able to feel your heart beat out of synch with his. He pulled away, staring down at you, “Are you happy now?”

You averted your gaze from him. That kiss was different from the others. He was desperate. He didn’t want to pull away.

He was still staring at your lips..

“You’re not unsure of how you feel about me. You know..You know exactly how you feel.”

Yoongi looked hurt, “You knew this whole time..” He laughed bitterly, “You just want to worm it out of me? To make it hurt? It’s like fucking Jin hasn’t died, you’re just like him. I knew you were like him, but I never thought…I didn’t think you’d do this to me.”

“I didn’t mean to.” You told him softly, “I just wanted to know for sure. I didn’t want to believe that you were that good of a liar.”

“Well, you’re right. I miss holding you. I miss waking up to you too, I miss it all, Y/N. I don’t want you to go him, but I can’t protect you..I don’t have anything anymore. Everyone I promised to keep safe is dead. I killed your family. Now you know why I said what I said.” He replied darkly, “So go cuddle up to Jungkook.”

“Y/N!” Jungkook shouted, jogging over. His hands were sticky with blood and his heart was racing. He had seen everything, “Come here. You don’t have to pretend to love him anymore, I’m here now.” He held his arms out for you, “I’ll protect you.”

Behind you, Yoongi quietly ordered, “Go.” He nudged you forward, “I’ll come see you in a few days. Just go and act like everything is how it was before.” He locked eyes with Jungkook, the latter smiling at him,

“I’ve been waiting to finish what I started, Yoongi.”

You stepped forward, throwing your arms around Jungkook and pulling his mouth down to yours. Jungkook didn’t hesitate in averting his eyes from Yoongi to focus his attention on you. You were finally back with him. Everything was how it should be. Jeon cradled you close, feeling utterly relieved, “Jagi..” he breathed between kisses, “I love you. I thought I was going crazy without you with me…”

Yoongi sadly watched. You really were able to flip personas like Jin.

Your fingers ran through his hair, drawing him closer. One hand lifted from his hair to press against his shoulder when his mouth slid from yours to your neck. Yoongi blankly watched, he was a fucking idiot to think you actually gave two shits about him. You were manipulating him.

Jin would be proud.

Jeon’s hands slid up your shirt, mouth switching to the other side of your neck. Yoongi glared at beginnings of bruise forming on your neck. He was too rough. He was hurting you, why were you still urging him to be closer? Your eyes met Yoongi’s over Jungkook’s head buried in your neck and you mouthed for him to go.

Now he understood.

You were giving him a chance to get away safely.

But watching how Jungkook’s touching was escalating, Yoongi wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave you alone with him. You flinched at Jungkook’s teeth scraping your skin in his passion, “J-Jeon..”

“I’m sorry, Jagi.” He apologized breathlessly, hands sliding down your waist to pull you flush against him. Jungkook sighed heavily, “I love you. I’ll protect you; I can protect you, you know I can, right?”

“I know, Jeon..”

Yoongi angrily stormed away.

[goth-greyhound]

1-40

OOF ok lets go

1) Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie: My favorite movie is probably howl’s moving castle, and I think I first saw it when I was 6 or so. I distinctly remember watching it a lot in Russia with a shitty Russian dub but sub is always the best

2) Talk about your first kiss: 14, summer camp. Me and cute girl in my cabin (16) were walking at night to pick up her night meds, when she asks if I’ve ever kissed anyone. I say no and she kissed me. 11/10

3)Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for: Honestly I’m not entirely sure. Could’ve been that one girl I had a crush on for a while a few years ago, or the guy who used to be my best friend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4) Talk about the thing you regret most so far: oof I don’t know I regret a lot of things tbh. Most of it has to do w like…interactions with people (mostly them wanting to interact and me being dumb about it).

5)Talk about the best birthday you’ve had: Hmm…Honestly I can’t remember but that time we flew to Block Island was kinda neat. There was my most recent one where I just went out to really good sushi w my family.

6)Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had: Oof I can’t remember tbh I’m sorry anon

7) Talk about your biggest insecurity: I dunno, I’m insecure about a lot of things. I guess like…how I smell? Or the way I eat? I feel weird eating in public tbh especially with people I don’t reeeeally know.

8) Talk about the thing you are most proud of: In recent memory probably the fact that I got to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro

9)Talk about little things on your body that you like the most: definitely my eyelashes, neck, and collarbone. I’ve gotten compliments on my thighs which feels good too 

10)Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had: My dad and I went like a week without speaking to each other once because he got upset over something petty I did

11)Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had: What currently comes to mind is that one dream I had when I had infinite hamburgers. Just like…whenever I wanted. And they were always delicious and perfect and when I woke up I had no burgers so that was sad :(

12)Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had: I had this one, years n years ago, where I essentially had to watch myself and all of my friends die multiple times in multiple timelines because the people fucking with the timelines didn’t realize we were just children.

13)Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time: With a guy I met online, who at first wasn’t going to come over because he couldn’t but eventually found out he could. So he came over at like 10:30pm n we went into my attic (which has a guest room) n it wasn’t awkward (for me anyway) and then we showered together (at like 2am) n he stayed the night and it just felt good waking up next to someone??

14)Talk about a vacation: I went to Africa (Kenya/Tanzania) over this winter break and hiked to the top of Africa that was pretty cool. N we celebrated New Years at a lodge in Kenya where I almost got w a really hot dude anyway then there was a week long safari it was a pretty cool time.

15)Talk about the time you were most content in life: Yo these “most _” questions are so hard to answer but honestly I was really happy when I didn’t wake up alone after the fucc

16)Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to: Tbh the party we had in honor of my grandfather when he died it was touching and personal idk I don’t go to many parties

17)Talk about someone you want to be friends with: tbh being friends with Joji would be cool he’s such a neat guy ok

18)Talk about something that happened in elementary school: one of my friends in first grade once kissed me on the cheek and I freaked out

19)Talk about something that happened in middle school: No

20)Talk about something that happened in high school: I once got my school to play the homestuck version of megalovania over the loudspeakers

21)Talk about a time you had to turn someone down: There was that one guy who was 2 years older than me that was really into me when I was a freshman/sophomore and he asked me to prom and it was just aljsdgljdfg he was so uncomfortable

22)Talk about your worst fear: I dunno….being completely and utterly lost? In a totally unfamiliar place with totally unfamiliar people with no way of getting back? That or falling

23)Talk about a time someone turned you down: Uhh well like too much I really don’t wanna get into that tbh it’s embarrassing haha

24)Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot: My parents tell me not to go out alone at night but I usually ignore it because I mean they’re supposed to say that right? But I was out w someone last night and he told me the same thing and for some reason it just meant more coming from him, a person that’s probably seen a lot of weird shit at night

25)Talk about an ex-best friend: we became friends in 8th grade, then we started dating, then I fucked it up, and now we don’t talk and it kinda sucks

26)Talk about things you do when you’re sick: Lie in bed under lots of comfy blankets, lots of tea, Netflix, going through a tissue box a day

27)Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body: I know a few guys with really nice butts. Like….really nice

28)Talk about your fetishes: Oh boy lets go but no judgement aight?: biting/choking/sucking/blindfolding/anything in which I’m the submissive one tbh/bondage seems cool but I’ve never done it??/lowkey might have a daddy kink

29)Talk about what turns you on: breathing/licking/kissing/light biting on neck or ears; when someone runs their hands over the side of my body but like really slowly and lightly; “good girl”

30)Talk about what turns you off: unsolicited dick picks (but who isn’t turned off by that right); jackhammering (you know)

31)Talk about what you think death is like: probably dark and cold and lonely

32)Talk about a place you remember from your childhood: I still remember the garden from Russia and the rock we’d have to stand on to get reception and the little path between houses and the cats and wow I’ve just been hit full force with a wave of nostalgia yay

33)Talk about what you do when you are sad: lie on my couch and swaddle myself in blankets, tea, maybe some comfort food

34)Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured: I’ve been stung on the leg by a jellyfish and you know those crippling cramps that start in your toes for no reason and work their way up your whole leg until your silently screaming in agony? Yeah I had one of those this morning 

35) Talk about things you wish you could stop doing: nail biting, overanalyzing people/situations, shitty diet, bad organization, I could keep going tbh

36) Talk about your guilty pleasures: tbh lying somewhere soft topless, the song Havana, sending noods tbh

37)Talk about someone you thought you were in love with: ok how about we don’t go back down that path hmm?

38)Talk about songs that remind you of certain people: Anything by Alina Baraz & Galimatias reminds me of my second ex (she’s really good tho)

39)Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier: that honestly my face isn’t that bad n confidence is key

40)Talk about the end of something in your life: my grandfather dying wasn’t just the end of his life, it was just…a small part of all of us went with him

[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2017:

Code: dancing out the entire wedding reception playlist with my best girl on an empty concrete slab on a breezy texas night

BC: -The absolute stellar dance party at Codemin’s Wedding; most notably:

     “Carol” by The Rolling Stones

     “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode

     “Crystal” by New Order

-OK Computer’s 20th Anniversary and the listening/reflection that came with it -My four year old, Emmett, learning “Maps” on the drums pretty much on his own

JD: February: Watching the “Emotional Rescue” scene in A Bigger Splash:

March: Seeing Stop Making Sense on the big screen at my favorite theater with m’gal and a David Byrne Q&A after the screening. April: The dance party of a lifetime at Code and Arden’s wedding. November: Watching Parquet Courts play “You’ve Got Me Wondering Now” for the first time in years.

C: "Born to Run" at a good friend's, Brian Ferguson's, wedding.

Nasty: This playing at the end of Leftovers Season 3, Ep 5 - "The Most Powerful Man in the World"

Bronco: Sitting on my back porch with Brenny, sipping down some delicious whiskey drinks and listening to the new Mastodon on a surprisingly unshitty Amazon bluetooth speaker. Watching his face on the breakdown in Jaguar God was quite entertaining. Also listening to the Squalus album (the metal interpretation of Jaws) with the kids, my oldest asking what it was, and him saying he wants to watch Jaws now. He was especially fascinated by the USS Indianapolis part of the story.

Laser: This 

Chap: My 17 has been dominated by the two new ladies in my life. I made this mix for them:

and played it for them on random the morning they were born. This was the first song that came on:

and I finally broke down with emotion after the 36 hour experience while holding one of them while this song was playing:

Best Shows Seen in 2017:

BC: This first 60 seconds of this:

Nasty: Future Islands & Action Bronson

Larse: Future Islands with Maddie, Nasty, and Sam; Action Bronson at The Rave - pretty sure I got a contact high just from being in the show

C: War on Drugs

Bronco: Mastodon

Codem: lvl up - beat kitchen kitten forever - subterranean downstairs ovlov - beat kitchen pqc - the bottle girlpool - logan square auditorium moving units’ joy division cover set - the bottle PAWS - cobra lounge a. savage - the bottle pictureplane

JD: 1. William Basinski and Julianna Barwick at National Sawdust 2. No Age at Elsewhere 3. Parquet Courts and B-Boys at Elsewhere 4. Liars at Warsaw 5. Deerhunter and Eleanor Friedberger performing while Bradford Cox painted her portrait onstage at Warsaw 6. LCD Soundsystem at Brooklyn Steel 7. Yo La Tengo in Central Park 8. Andrew WK at Warsaw 9. Vince Staples at Panorama Fest 10. Wire at Baby’s All Right 11. Vagabon at Brooklyn Bazaar

Confession of 2017:

Bronco: I listened to the New Kids On The Block offering of 2017 "Thankful" (it was fucking terrible).

C: Still haven’t listened to LCD Soundsystem

Code: -knowing the backstory, the mount eerie album was probably the best album i heard this year, but it was too dang sad to listen to more than a handful of times. -i still loved that brand new song despite the lead cat being a creep. -i thought that this year was pretty rough for music, but my tune changed after looking back through my top tracks.  maybe there were just so few full albums that i liked? -i fast fwd'd through every SNL musical guest this calendar year, but i did catch the tom petty tribute from the vegas countrymin. 

BC: I don’t hate that objectively awful Chainsmokers/Coldplay song because it reminds me of this year’s BOB since Creevey played it every twenty minutes for 36 holes.

Larson: Listened to more rap this year than I think I have in past years; must be Nasty's Lincoln influence!

Nasty: I listened to more podcasts than music in 17.

Biggest Disappointment of 2017:

Laser: LCD Soundsystem

Codem: -no chromatics this year. -the two lcd shows that i saw this year.

Chap: The albums. I would not be shocked if I didn't listen to any of my top 15 all the way through after today.

Bin: DJT

JD: Mondanile

BC: Real Estate.  I think they need to invite the perv back into the band.

Bronco: Bison, Monolord, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, And So I Watch You From Afar. They all put out albums this year, and I've like their stuff in the past, but they did little to nothing for me this time around.

Most Overrated of 2017:

Codem: slowdive, but also twod and japanese breakfast

Bin: Bodak Yellow / Cardi B

Larse: LCD Soundsystem

Bronco: -Pallbearer - just don't like the guy's voice, and though they're slow as shit, there's no good riffs or anything to connect with for me. -Code Orange - hardcore band that I just don't get. One of those 'motherfucker I'm the best!' type super close to being alt-right supremecy type bands even though they're probably completely against it. They're at the top of most metal lists this year. I've given them 4-5 spins, most in reaction to the praise they're getting, but I just don't get it. -Royal Thunder - just one big case of blue balls. All of their songs seemingly build toward a climax that never happens. It's just so blech.

JD: Did the music press even treat anything as a lasting work of art and not ephemeral content to get through a week or two of famous personality driven clicks? King Krule? 

BC: Lorde, I think?  I mean, that album’s gotten a lot of love this year and I thought the lead single – “Green Light” – was hot garbage. It spawned a conspiracy theory in my mind that Taylor Swift was proactively influencing and then purposefully sabotaging the work of her close friends (see Lorde, Haim, et al).

Make it Stop 2017

Bronco: Sex monsters. Can we just take all white dudes in powerful positions, assume they've sexually assaulted at least one person, imprison them, and move on? We could take everything they have, give it all to Native American tribes, then force them to walk their own trail of tears to live out their lives in the desserts of New Mexico, and force them to build the wall, but it would just be a wall around their sad sex monster reservation.

Also, Taylor Swift.

Nasty: I didn't have the luxury of expending any real hate on music this year... which I'm just now recognizing as a bad thing.

JD: -Unceasing sadness and anxiety about the present and future. -Jack Antonoff

BC: Life on this planet.

Code: any rap station that i hear in an uber. that cardi b song was playing every time i caught a cab at 5:30 a.m. to play golf.

Larson: U2

Biggest TBH Regret of 2017:

BC: Not seeing NIN at RiotFest

Larson: Skipping the Car Seat Headrest show at Summerfest because I could tell Maddie didn't want to leave Jonas' party (party was fun, so not a real loss, just wish I would have seen the show).

Nasty: Not even giving new artists a chance. I'll listen to an average album from The National 10x's before I give someone new a shot.

Codebreaker: not having an opportunity to karaoke badu's tyrone

JD: -Had the worst fever of my life during LCD and could only manage standing in the back shivering. -Forgetting to go see Dinner at Baby’s All Right. -Not enough time with Bjork, Miguel, and Blanck Mass. 

Bronco: Fucked up the family calendar maintenance and ended up not being able to see the Toadies and Local H. I was pissed at my wife, but it wasn't the end of the world. I haven't listened to either in forever, and the listen I gave to the Toadies latest offering didn't knock my socks off. It was really just for nostalgic purposes. Still it sucked to have to miss it despite my best efforts to bring it to her attention multiple times.

Detective Murtaugh of 2017:

NACK: I had two separate opportunities to see LCD, and just didn't feel like putting in the effort. Was going to put this as a regret, but I don't regret it.

Code: i skipped 7 shows that i had tickets for and left 6 shows early. two shows i left early due to brightness of lights.  mmmmmnhh

JD: Couldn’t hear for 18 hours after No Age. Needed two Tylenol for the headache I gave myself during “You’ve Got Me Wondering Now” at PQ Quartz.

BC: Having no idea who either the SNL host or the musical guest was for three straight weeks.  Tiffany Haddish? Saoirse Ronan? SZA? I’m too old for this shit…

Nasty: Carson, Maddie, Sam and I went to watch the IU game this weekend with one of Carson's co-workers (an IU grad) who is 23.... I got rolling on a rant about how important it is to enjoy your 20s because after the impending onslaught of weddings and babies life basically isn't any fun anymore. Suspect it was a little too impassioned by the end.

Bronco: I was enrolled in a three month coding bootcamp to learn Web Development. Aside from the two older ladies (50+) and the weird Brazilian idiot (45+), I was the oldest person in the room by probably an average of 13 years. They are all for the most part life-pivoting in to the dev world and they all have all the time in the world to learn new shit, do whatever they want, whenever they want...goddamnit I miss that. So maybe this is my "too married and fathered for this shit" section of the exam.

C: Wife’s Pregnancy

Laser: Every time I wake up with a fucking hangover and tell myself that I’m not gonna drink like that again only to get back on the saddle the next available opportunity.

Resolution for 2017 Update:

BC: Put a goddamn band together. How it went: 

C: Check out some jazz/blues in Chicago. How it went: FAILED

Larson:  Focus on the shit I really care about instead of trying to listen to everything posted on the thread…I’m just going to have to be honest with myself and realize I ain’t got time for all this media! How it went: Terrible; found myself listening to Timeless Pop Rock hits playlist more than anything else.

Chap: Check out more of the recommendations on the TBH thread. Try to organize get-togethers around TWO shows. How it went: Actually not bad. I had a few solid period during nap times when I didn't feel like working. I think I was able to listen to every album I wanted to at least once.

Code: make concerted effort to listen to music that i liked in previous years in addition to music from the current year. How it went: i nailed my resolution, as i devoted four full months to the grateful dead and it was the best musical trimester of the year for me. it was really interesting to watch all of the new music pile up and never once feeling compelled to listen to something else. god damn did the '77 version of the band have it all figured out. i could listen to any uptown mississippi halfstep toodeloo from that year at any time.

Bronco: Learn the guitar. I’ve been fooling around with Rocksmith (guitar hero with real guitar) and I want to push myself to execute the more complex chords, not just stick to the powerchord simple songs like Blitzkrieg Bop, and start learning how to build and execute a solo. I also want to distill my own whiskey, build a garden shed from scratch, and learn to code. How it went: I haven't quite mastered the guitar, but I can play a few songs fairly well. I did not start working on my own whiskey or build a garden shed from scratch...yet. But I did learn to code. I am now at conversational levels of fluency with Javascript and at "donde es el bano" levels with Ruby and Python.

Nasty: See a show in NY with JD. How it went: Not great, Bob! I barely made it down the street to see Action Bronson with Laser 

JD: Seeing more shows with you guys is an evergreen resolution. How it went: To quote BC,

Resolution for 2018:

BC: No more resolutions

C: Catch some jazz in Chicago

Laser: get my list in on time!

Chap: While I didn't have the occasion to catch shows this year, I anticipate doing so in '18 due to some changes afoot.

Codem: make more playlists for my wife

Bronco: Get in shape. I want to stick to a schedule of running all year round. I ran a 10K back in June, then needed to recover for a bit, been recovering ever since...Fat Dad needs to keep running all year round without excuse, especially given that we go skiing between Xmas and New Year's and I'm gonna be a floppy legged mess. During those runs, I'll try to listen to new material each time.

Bin: I'm just going to keep saying "get to NY for a show with JD" until I make it happen. 

JD: See you gents more often with or without a show attached. 

Most Anticipated of 2018:

C: MBV

JD: MBV, No Age, Panda Bear, something surprising

Code: chromatics (i think it's really coming this year), mbv, no age, DOM, CCFX full album

Bronco: Tool. Fourth year's the charm...fuck those guys. It better suck me off when it finally does come out. Also a new Sleep album and a new High on Fire album...still waitin' on those too.

BC: Simple Minds, Vampire Weekend, Kanye

Nasty: Kanye, ASAP Rocky, Rhye, Chromeo, Vampire Weekend

Chap: After a quick glance at the list... Vampire Weekend, Kanye, Chromatics

Larse: Honestly don't even know what is on the horizon, just hope I can listen to it with this net neutrality bullshit!

[blogagog-blog1]

TUESDAY, APRIL 24, 2012

I'm not dead yet - but maybe somebody loves me. (It’ll make sense later.)

I'll look at the date of my last post after I'm done writing this one, and kick my ass accordingly.1 For now, I'm just going to be happy I'll be hearing keys clickety-clacking for the next thirty minutes to an hour.2 See that? That's some bonafide, honest-to-Jeebus, glass-half-full shit there, ladies and germs. I'm not going to pretend I've suddenly morphed into a perennial ray of sunshine overnight - but I feel like I'm putting something together that needs to be acknowledged so I can take the next step: putting my finger on exactly what it is. I'm not all that great of a detective; I think it's best to call in the deerstalker-hatted, pipe-puffing, film-noir version of myself to solve the mystery (I know I’m juxtaposing two totally different time periods. Shuttup. It's my story.)

Excellent decision, and I shall bring my trusted sidekick along as well. First, Balooba (Remember Balooba, the Zimbabwean God of Web Logs? Well he’s Detective Me’s Watson. Cuz I'm just that money), let's look at the subject's baser past nature - the things that required the alleged change currently taking place.

Observation 1 - The subject has been coasting for years.

Here's the thing - despite appearances, I don't think I've 100% invested myself or put my heart and soul into anything for a long time. There've been challenges, sure. But contrary to what I may have said, thought or led others (and myself) to believe at the time, they were rough roads, not roadblocks. There are a lot of things I could have accomplished and a lot of relationships that could have enriched my life.

Observation 2 - It would appear the subject had a hard time differentiating the creative and destructive elements of his life.

I don't mean creative like the decoration of my bedroom. I mean positive, ‘creationary’ elements. (Sure, I could have just used that word to begin with. But then how would I mention my delightful boudoir?) Long story short, at one time there was a large portion of a city that knew who I was; if not in person, then by reputation. Reputation being: that motherfucker parties HARD. "Golly, he's fun!" Shit like that. That and being in a moderately successful band got the big fish in a small pond syndrome going. That'd be all and well if it was balanced with fiery musical passion and work ethic in tandem with solid interpersonal relationships both platonic and romantic. Again, despite pretences otherwise, that wasn't quite the case.

Observation 3 - The subject appears to have noted the dire straits he was in and fled his surroundings. While a frank assessment and subsequent re-tooling of his life was never done by the subject, improvements were initially seen. Of late, those seem to have waned, and in latter days, seemed all but non-existent.

So waddup wid dat, G? Negativity in action and lack thereof. Negativity of thought and mood. Some very minus-sign kind of times - the kinds I was pretty sure were over and done with. And I gotta watch that shit. Subject ain't as resilient as he used to be, yo.

But the thing about it is - well, let me not steal the thunder from the me with the stupid hat.

Fuck you, bro. This hat isn't stupid. This hat is cool. (Twinkie if you can name the 90's teen movie reference.) And we are all quite aware you didn't finish the sentence because you don't have my immeasurable deductive skills. Isn't that right, my dear Balooba? (Balooba says whatever “True dat” is in Shona or Ndebele.) And Balooba does not lie. If I may continue, I think we were abotu to move on to the changes I have noted:

Observation 1 - The subject is able to concur with, and further, discuss the aforementioned shortcomings.

I'm not sure I've ever said categorically that the above were true. I've certainly been aware they were on varying levels but can't say I fully stated, even to myself , that they were all things under my control. Regardless of external forces and douchebag/douchebaguette (ha...bread insult. I'm going to make it a thing) bit players, the end result falls squarely on my shoulders. And I'm okay with that.

Observation 2 - The subject is typing these words right now.

I'm writing. I really enjoy writing. But for extended periods of time, it seems I don't enjoy anything enough to start it. Or maybe it's I would enjoy it if I started. That's more likely. So the plan is pretty much to not stop. God, I'm brilliant. Also, I just saw a kid with no arms ripping drums. So, if I don't start pushing at my instruments with the fear of not getting anywhere, punch me in the dick.

Observation 3 - Things are happening.

This is hard to explain.

First of all, I always feel like things that happened in the past were more meaningful. College was more meaningful than now. My life in high school (not high school itself, that shit sucked) felt more meaningful when I was in college. Conversely, the life I'm living at any given moment feels like...existing.

I know there were moments that, at the time, just knocked me out. I remember the first time I sat close to a guy playing the electric guitar. And the first time I got to try it, and step on the stomp pedal and hear it distort. I'm not exaggerating, it was like magic. Not figuratively; it was like being in the presence of Dumbledore or some shit.

I can't remember the last time I've felt that - what may or may not have been love ranks up there, but that involves hormones, pre-programmed reproductive instincts and my wiener so it clearly has an unfair advantage.

But in the past few days I felt something. I know The Band is awesome and Leonard Cohen is supposed to be. Previously though, my basic attitude would be: "Cool hit songs. Cool other song I heard in passing. Where's my beer?" But for some reason (possibly reading Neil Strauss' interviews in Everyone Loves You When You're Dead) I listened to compilations of both.

I'm excited to hear more of The Band, but Leonard Cohen - well, he kind of knocked me out. I'm pretty sure I've tried him before outside of what I know and it didn't do much, if anything for me. This time around - well, I'm writing, aren't I?

Indeed you are. We can then deduce, my dear Balooba, that -

Alright, shut your piehole, hat boy, you're done.

Another thing is this. When I was younger, I really believed in serendipity. I loved the idea of fate. And most of the time, it felt like fate was on my side. How I made my musical connections, how I met people - they all seemed like such outlandishly improbably coincidences, it was easy to see an aura of pre-destiny. But understandably, fate got tired of hooking me up and me fucking it up, so it kicked rocks and left me languishing for it's helping hand. (Yeah, I dig alliterations [or near-alliterations, depending on who your English teacher was]).

I was pretty low, man. And what I've read in the past couple days was what I needed to read. The music I heard was what I needed to hear. A few hours ago, I randomly checked out this guy's blog. I didn't know he was a writer. And Goddamn if half his blog wasn't the exact stuff I needed to remind myself of. Funnily enough, he's more of an acquaintance than a friend. But he's someone I respect musically and increasingly in terms of personality - so maybe we'll give the old 'there're kindred spirits not thousands of miles away, it's not too late to make lasting friends' thing a go.

In the epilogue of Everyone Loves You.. Strauss surprised me by sharing what he'd learned in 20 years of writing and interviewing. And it was sort of exactly what I needed to hear:

1)Let go of the past. 2)Fame won't make you feel any better about yourself. 3)The secret to happiness is balance. 4)Fix your issues now, because the older you get, the worse they become. 5)Derive your self-esteem from within, not from others' opinions. 6)Say yes to new things. 7)Live in truth. 8)Never say never. 9)Trust your instincts 10)Be happy with what you have.

and...

11) Everyone loves you when you're dead.

On which he expands: "Because when you're dead, your happiness and accomplishments are no longer a threat to their belief system and self-esteem. You've been appropriately punished."

Well, cool. At some point, everyone's going to love me. So for now, maybe I should concentrate on loving myself instead. 

If this Strauss character is to be believed, the world will catch up eventually.

The date of my last post was a picture on March 14. The date of my last writing was two months earlier. As promised, my ass has been been kicked to suit.

It was over two hours - the sun's up. As it should be whenever I'm done writing.

[fk-off-m8]

Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly

"Wesley's Theory" (feat. George Clinton & Thundercat) When the four corners of this cocoon collide You’ll slip through the cracks hoping that you’ll survive Gather your wind, take a deep look inside Are you really who they idolize? To pimp a butterfly [Hook:] At first, I did love you But now I just wanna fuck Late night thinkin' of you Until I got my nut Tossed and turned, lesson learned You was my first girlfriend Bridges burned, all across the board Destroyed, but what for? When I get signed, homie I'mma act a fool Hit the dance floor, strobe lights in the room Snatch your little secretary bitch for the homies Blue eyed devil with a fat ass monkey I'mma buy a brand new Caddy on fours Trunk the hood up, two times, deuce four Platinum on everything, platinum on wedding ring Married to the game, made a bad bitch yours When I get signed homie I'mma buy a strap Straight from the CIA, set it on my lap Take a few M-16s to the hood Pass 'em all out on the block, what's good? I'mma put the Compton swap meet by the White House Republican, run up, get socked out Hit the press with a Cuban link on my neck Uneducated but I got a million dollar check, like that [Pre-Hook x2:] We should never gave, we should never gave Niggas money go back home, money go back home [Hook] [Dr. Dre:] Yo what's up? It's Dre Remember the first time you came out to the house? You said you wanted a spot like mine But remember, anybody can get it The hard part is keeping it, motherfucker What you want you? A house or a car? Forty acres and a mule, a piano, a guitar? Anything, see, my name is Uncle Sam on your dollar Motherfucker you can live at the mall I know your kind (That's why I'm kind) Don't have receipts (Oh man, that's fine) Pay me later, wear those gators Cliche and say, fuck your haters I can see the borrow in you I can see the dollar in you Little white lies with a snow white collar in you But it's whatever though because I'm still followin' you Because you make me feel forever baby, count it all together baby Then hit the register and make me feel better baby Your horoscope is a gemini, two sides So you better cop everything two times Two coupes, two chains, two c-notes Too much and enough both we know Christmas, tell 'em what's on your wish list Get it all, you deserve it Kendrick And when you get the White House, do you But remember, you ain't pass economics in school And everything you buy, taxes will deny I'll Wesley Snipe your ass before thirty-five [George Clinton (Kendrick Lamar):] Lookin' down is quite a drop (It's quite a drop, drop) Lookin' good when you're on top (When you're on top you got it) A lot of metaphors, leavin' miracles metaphysically in a state of euphoria Look both ways before you cross my mind [Pre-Hook] Tax man comin' Tax man comin' Tax man comin' Tax man comin' Tax man comin' "For Free? (Interlude)" Fuck you, motherfucker, you a ho-ass nigga I don't know why you trying to go big, nigga you ain't shit Walking around like you God's gift to Earth, nigga you ain't shit You ain't even buy me no outfit for the fourth I need that Brazilian, wavy, twenty eight inch, you playin' I shouldn't be fuckin' with you anyway, I need a baller ass, boss ass nigga You'se a off brand ass nigga, everybody know it, your homies know it, everybody fuckin' know Fuck you nigga, don't call me no more You won't know, you gonna lose on a good bitch My other nigga is on, you off What the fuck is really going on? This dick ain't free You lookin' at me like it ain't a receipt Like I never made end's meet, eatin' your leftovers and raw meat This dick ain't free Livin' in captivity raised my cap salary Celery, tellin' me green is all I need Evidently all I seen was spam and raw sardines This dick ain't free, I mean, baby You really think we could make a baby named Mercedes without a Mercedes Benz and twenty four inch rims, five percent tint, and air conditioning vents Hell fuckin' naw, this dick ain't free I need forty acres and a mule Not a forty ounce and a pitbull Bullshit, matador, matador, had the door knockin', let 'em in, who's that? Genital's best friend, this dick ain't free Pity the fool that made the pretty in you prosper Titty juice and pussy lips kept me obnoxious, kept me up watchin' Pornos and poverty, apology? No Watch you volunteer it it while people less fortunate, like myself Every dog has it's day, now doggy style shall help This dick ain't free Matter fact it need interest, matter fact it's nine inches Matter fact see our friendship based on business Pension, more pension, you're pinchin', my consensus Been relentless, fuck forgiveness, fuck your feelings Fuck your sources, all distortion, if you fuck it's more abortion More divorce courts and portion My check with less endorsement left me dormant Dusted, doomed, disgusted, forced with Fuck you think is bullshit, porcelain pipes pressure, bust 'em twice Choice is deaf, a state of decapitated the horseman Oh America, you bad bitch, I the picked cotton that made you rich Now my dick ain't free I'mma get my Uncle Sam to fuck you up You ain't no king "King Kunta" I got a bone to pick I don't want you monkey mouth motherfuckers sittin' in my throne again (Aye aye nigga what's happenin' nigga, K Dot back in the hood nigga) I'm mad (He mad), but I ain't stressin' True friends, one question Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him When you got the yams (What's the yams?) The yam is the power that be You can smell it when I'm walking down the street (Oh yes we can, oh yes we can) I can dig rapping, but a rapper with a ghost writer What the fuck happened? (Oh no) I swore I wouldn't tell But most of you share bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell (A two man cell) Something's in the water (Something's in the water) And if I got a brown nose for some gold then I'd rather be a bum than a motherfuckin' baller Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him When you got the yams (What's the yams?) The yam brought it out of Richard Pryor Manipulated Bill Clinton with desires 24/7, 365 days times two I was contemplatin' gettin' on stage Just to go back to the hood see my enemies and say... Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him You goat mouth mammy fucker I was gonna kill a couple rappers but they did it to themselves Everybody's suicidal they don't even need my help This shit is elementary, I'll probably go to jail If I shoot at your identity and bounce to the left Stuck a flag in my city, everybody's screamin' "Compton" I should probably run for Mayor when I'm done, to be honest And I put that on my Mama and my baby boo too Twenty million walkin' out the court buildin' woo woo Ah yeah fuck the judge I made it past 25 and there I was A little nappy headed nigga with the world behind him Life ain't shit but a fat vagina Screamin' "Annie are you ok? Annie are you ok?" Limo tinted with the gold plates Straight from the bottom, this the belly of the beast From a peasant to a prince to a motherfucking king Bitch where was you when I was walkin'- [POP] (By the time you hear the next pop, the funk shall be within you) [POP] Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where was you when I was walkin' Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (Funk, funk, funk, funk, funk, funk) We want the funk We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk (Do you want the funk?) We want the funk (Do you want the funk?) We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence "Institutionalized" (feat. Bilal, Anna Wise & Snoop Dogg) What money got to do with it When I don't know the full definition of a rap image? I'm trapped inside the ghetto and I ain't proud to admit it Institutionalized, I keep runnin' back for a visit Hol' up Get it back I said I'm trapped inside the ghetto and I ain't proud to admit it Institutionalized, I could still kill me a nigga, so what? [Anna Wise:] If I was the president I'd pay my mama's rent Free my homies and them Bulletproof my Chevy doors Lay in the White House and get high, Lord Who ever thought? Master take the chains off me Life can be like a box of chocolate Quid pro quo, somethin' for somethin', that's the obvious Oh shit, flow's so sick, don't you swallow it Bitin' my style, you're salmonella poison positive I can just alleviate the rap industry politics Milk the game up, never lactose intolerant The last remainder of real shit, you know the obvious Me scholarship? No, streets put me through colleges Be all you can be, true, but the problem is A dream's only a dream if work don't follow it Remind me of the homies that used to know me, now follow this I'll tell you my hypothesis, I'm probably just way too loyal K Dizzle would do it for you, my niggas think I'm a god Truthfully all of 'em spoiled, usually you're never charged But somethin' came over you once I took you to the fuckin' BET Awards You lookin' at artists like the harvests So many Rollies around you and you want all of them Somebody told me you thinkin' 'bout snatchin' jewelry I should've listened what my grandmama said to me [Hook - Bilal:] Shit don't change until you get up and wash your ass nigga Shit don't change until you get up and wash your ass Shit don't change until you get up and wash your ass nigga Oh now, slow down [Snoop Dogg:] And once upon a time in a city so divine Called West Side Compton, there stood a little nigga He was 5 foot something, God bless the kid Took his homie to the show and this is what they said What I'm s'posed to do when I'm lookin' at walkin' licks? The convicts talk 'bout matchin', money and foreign whips The private jets and passports, presidential glass floor Gold bottles, gold models, sniffin' up the ass for Instagram flicks, suck a dick, fuck is this? One more suck away from wavin' flashy wrist My defense mechanism tell me to get him, quickly because he got it It's the recession, then why the fuck he in King of Diamonds? No more livin' poor, meet my .44 When I see 'em, put the per diem on the floor Now Kendrick, know they're your co-workers But it's gon' take a lot for this pistol go cold turkey Now I can watch his watch on the TV and be okay But see I'm on the clock once that watch landin' in LA Remember steal from the rich and givin' it back to the poor? Well that's me at these awards I guess my grandmama was warnin' a boy She said... [Hook] [Snoop Dogg:] And once upon a time in a city so divine Called West Side Compton, there stood a little nigga He was 5 foot something, dazed and confused Talented but still under the neighborhood ruse You can take your boy out the hood but you can't take the hood out the homie Took his show money, stashed it in the mozey wozey Hollywood's nervous Fuck you, goodnight, thank you much for your service

"These Walls" (feat. Bilal, Anna Wise & Thundercat) I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence Sometimes, I did the same If these walls could talk [x6] [Anna Wise:] Sex, she just want to close her eyes and sway If you, if you, if you exercise your right to work it out Its true, its true, its true, shout out to the birthday girls say hey Say hey, everyone deserves a night to play And shes plays only when you tell her no [Hook - Bilal:] If these walls could talk I can feel your reign when it cries gold lives inside of you If these walls could talk I love it when I’m in it, I love it when I’m in it If these walls could talk they’d tell me to swim good No boat I float better than he would No life jacket I’m not the guard in Nazareth But your flood can be misunderstood Wall telling me they full of pain, resentment Need someone to live in them just to relieve tension Me? I’m just a tenant My lord said these walls vacant more than a minute These walls are vulnerable, exclamation Interior pink, color coordinated I interrogated every nook and cranny I mean its still amazing before they couldn’t stand me These walls want to cry tears These walls happier when I’m here These walls never could hold up Everytime I come around demolition might crush [Hook] If these walls could talk they’d tell me to go deep Yelling at me continuously I can see Your defense mechanism is my decision Knock these walls down that’s my religion Walls feeling like they ready to close in I suffocate then catch my second wind I resonate in these walls I don’t know how long I can wait in these walls I’ve been on these streets too long looking at you from the outside in They sing the same old song about how they walls are always the cleanest I beg to differ, I must’ve missed them I’m not involved I’d rather diss them I’d rather call all you put your wall up Cause when I come around demolition gon’ crush [Hook] If your walls could talk they’d tell you it’s too late Your destiny accepted your fate Burn accessories and stash them where they are Take the recipe, the bible and god Wall telling you that commissary is low Race wars happening no calling CO No calling your mother to save you Homies say to you, you're reputable, not acceptable Your behavior is Sammy Da Bull like a killer that turned snitch Walls is telling me you a bitch You pray for appeals hoping the warden could afford them That sentence so important Walls telling you to listen to "Sing About Me" Retaliation is strong you even dream about me Killed my homeboy and God spared your life Dumb criminal got indicted the same night So when you play this song rewind the first verse About me abusing my power so you can hurt About me and her in the shower whenever she horny About me and her in the after hours of the morning About her baby daddy currently serving life And how she think about you until we meet up at night About the only girl that cared about you when you asked her And how she fucking on a famous rapper Walls could talk I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in a hotel room

"Alright" Alls my life I has to fight, nigga Alls my life I... Hard times like yah Bad trips like "God!" Nazareth, I'm fucked up Homie you fucked up But if God got us then we gon' be alright [Hook - Pharrell Williams:] Nigga, we gon' be alright Nigga, we gon' be alright We gon' be alright Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon' be alright Nigga, we gon' be alright Huh? We gon' be alright Nigga, we gon' be alright Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon' be alright Uh, and when I wake up I recognize you're lookin' at me for the pay cut Behind my side we lookin' at you from the face down What mac-11 even boom with the bass down Schemin'! And let me tell you bout my life Painkillers only put me in the twilight Where pretty pussy and Benjamin is the highlight Now tell my mama I love her but this what I like Lord knows, 20 of 'em in my Chevy Tell 'em all to come and get me, reapin' everything I sow So my karma coming heavy No preliminary hearings on my record I'm a motherfucking gangster in silence for the record Tell the world I know it's too late Boys and girls I think I've gone cray Drown inside my vices all day Won't you please believe when I say [Pre-hook:] When you know, we been hurt, been down before, nigga When our pride was low, lookin' at the world like, "where do we go, nigga?" And we hate Popo, wanna kill us dead in the street for sure, nigga I'm at the preacher's door My knees gettin' weak and my gun might blow but we gon' be alright [Hook] What you want, you a house you a car 40 acres and a mule, a piano a guitar Anything, see my name is Lucy, I'm your dog Motherfucker you can live at the mall I can see the evil, I can tell it I know it's illegal I don't think about it, I deposit every other zero Thinkin' of my partner put the candy, paint it on the regal Diggin' in my pocket ain't a profit, big enough to feed you Everyday my logic, get another dollar just to keep you In the presence of your chico... ah! I don't talk about it, be about it, everyday I see cool If I got it then you know you got it, Heaven, I can reach you Pet dog, pet dog, pet dog, my dog that's all Pick back and chat I shut the back for y'all I rap, I'm black, on track so rest assured My rights, my wrongs I write till I'm right with God [Pre-hook] [Hook] I keep my head up high I cross my heart and hope to die Lovin' me is complicated Too afraid, a lot of changes I'm alright and you're a favorite Dark nights in my prayers I remembered you was conflicted Misusing your influence, sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screamin' in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct, the evils of Lucy was all around me So I went runnin' for answers

"For Sale? (Interlude)" What's wrong nigga? I thought you was keeping it gangsta? I thought this what you wanted? They say if you scared go to church But remember He knows the bible too [Hook:] My baby when I get you get you get you get you Ima go head to ride with you Smoking lokin' poking the deja till I'm idle with you Cause I (want you) Now baby when I'm riding here I'm riding dirty Registration is out of service Smoking lokin' drinking the potion you can see me swerving Cause I (want you) I want you more than you know I remember you took me to the mall last week baby You looked me in my eyes about 4 5 times Till I was hypnotized then you clarified That I (want you) You said Sherane ain't got nothing on Lucy I said you crazy Roses are red violets are blue but me and you both pushing up daisies if I (want you) [Hook] You said to me You said your name was Lucy I said where's Ricardo? I said oh no, not the show Than you spit a little rap to me like this When I turned 26 I was like oh shit You said this to me I remember what you said too you said My name is Lucy Kendrick You introduced me Kendrick Usually I don’t do this But I see you and me Kendrick Lucy Give you no worries Lucy got million stories About these rappers I came after when they was boring Lucy gone fill your pockets Lucy gone move your mama out of Compton Inside the gi-gantic mansion like I promised Lucy just want your trust and loyalty Avoiding me? It's not so easy I'm at these functions accordingly Kendrick, Lucy don't slack a minute Lucy work harder Lucy gone call you even when Lucy know you love your Father I'm Lucy I loosely heard prayers on your first album truly Lucy don't mind cause at the end of the day you'll pursue me Lucy go get it, Lucy not timid, Lucy up front Lucy got paper work on top of paper work I want you to know that Lucy got you All your life I watched you And now you all grown up then sign this contract if that’s possible [Hook] I remembered you was conflicted Misusing your influence, sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screamin' in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went runnin' for answers Until I came home

"Momma" Oh shit! Oh, I need that I need that sloppy That sloppy Like a Chevy in quicksand That sloppy This feelin' is unmatched This feelin' is brought to you by adrenaline and good rap Black (Pendleton) ball cap (West, west, west) We don't share the same synonym fall back (West, west, west) Been in it before internet had new acts Mimicking radio's nemesis may be wack My innocence limited the experience lacked Ten of us with no tentative tactic that cracked The mind of a literate writer but I did it in fact You admitted it once I submitted it wrapped in plastic Remember scribblin' scratchin' dilligent sentences backwards Visiting freestyle cyphers for your reaction Now I can live in a stadium, pack it the fastest Gamblin' Benjamin benefits, sittin' in traffic Spinnin' women in cartwheels, linen fabric on fashion Winnin' in every decision Kendrick is master and mastered it Isn't it lovely how menace has turned attraction? Pivotin' rappers, finish your fraction while writing blue magic Thank God for rap, I would say it got me a plaque But what's better than that? The fact it brought me back home [Hook:] We been waitin' for you Waitin' for you Waitin' for you Waitin' for you I know everything, I know myself I know morality, spirituality, good and bad health I know fatality might haunt you I know everything, I know Compton I know street shit, I know shit that's conscious, I know everything I know lawyers, advertisement and sponsors I know wisdom, I know bad religion, I know good karma I know everything, I know history I know the universe works mentally I know the perks of bullshit isn't meant for me I know everything, I know cars, clothes, hoes and money I know loyalty, I know respect, I know those that's Ornery I know everything, the highs to lows to groupies and junkies I know if I'm generous at heart, I don't need recognition The way I'm rewarded, well, that's God's decision I know you know that lines from Compton School District Just give it to the kids, don’t gossip about how it was distributed I know how people work, I know the price of life I know how much it’s worth, I know what I know and I know it well Not to ever forget until I realized I didn’t know shit The day I came home [Hook] I met a little boy that resembled my features Nappy afro, gap in his smile Hand me down sneakers bounced through the crowd Runnin' home and the man and woman that crossed him Sun beamin' on his beady beads exhausted Tossin' footballs with his ashy black ankles Breakin' new laws mama passed on home trainin' He looked at me and said Kendrick you do know my language You just forgot because of what public schools had painted Oh I forgot don't kill my vibe, that's right you're famous I used to watch on Channel 5, TV was takin' But never mind you're here right now don't you mistake it It's just a new trip, take a glimpse at your family's ancestor Make a new list, of everything you thought was progress And that was bullshit, I mean your life is full of turmoil You spoiled by fantasies of who you are I feel bad for you I can attempt to enlighten you without frightenin' you If you resist, I'll back off go catch a flight or two But if you pick, destiny over rest in peace Than be an advocate go tell your homies especially To come back home This is a world premiere This is a world premiere This is a world premiere I been lookin for you my whole life, an appetite For the feeling I can barely describe, where you reside? Is it in a woman, is it in money, or mankind? Tell me something got me losing my mind, AH! You make me wanna jump (Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump (Let's talk about love)) (Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump (Let's talk about love)) I been lookin for you my whole life, an appetite For the feeling I can barely describe, where you reside? Is it in a woman, is it in money, or mankind? Tell me something think I'm losing my mind, AH! I say where you at, from the front to the back I'm lookin' for you I react, only when you react Ah, I thought I found you, back in the ghetto When I was seventeen with the .38 special Maybe you're in a dollar bill, maybe you're not real Maybe only the wealthy get to know how you feel Maybe I'm paranoid, ha, maybe I don't need you anyway Don't lie to me I'm suicidal anyway I can be your advocate I can preach for you if you tell me what the matter is

"Hood Politics" K dot, pick up the phone, nigga. Every time I call, it's going to voice mail. Don't tell me they got you on some weirdo rap shit, nigga. No socks and skinny jeans and shit. Call me on Shaniqua's phone [Hook:] I been A-1 since day one, you niggas boo boo Your home boy, your block that you're from, boo boo Lil hoes you went to school with, boo boo Baby mama and your new bitch, boo boo We was in the hood, 14 with the deuce deuce 14 years later going hard, like we used to on the dead homies On the dead homies I don't give a fuck about no politics in rap, my nigga My lil homie Stunna Deuce ain't never comin' back, my nigga So you better go hard every time you jump on wax, my nigga Fuck what they talkin' bout, your shit is where its at, my nigga Came in this game, you stuck your fangs in this game You wore no chain in this game your hood, your name in this game Now you double up, time to bubble up the bread and huddle up Stickin' to the scripts, now here if them benjamin's go cuddle up Skip, hop, trip, drop, flip, flop with the white tube sock It goes "Sherm Sticks, burn this" Thats what the product smells like when the chemicals mix 50 nigga salute, out the Compton zoo, with the extras El Cos, Monte Carlos, Road Kings and dressers Rip Ridaz, P-Funkers, Mexicans, they fuck with you Asians, they fuck with you, nobody can fuck with you [Hook] Hopped out the caddy, just got my dick sucked The little homies called, they said, "The enemies done cliqued up" Oh yeah? Puto want to squabble with mi barrio? Oh, yeah? Tell 'em they can run it for the cardio Oh, yeah? Everythin' is everythin', it's scandalous Slow motion for the ambulance, the project filled with cameras The LAPD gamblin', scramblin', football numbers slanderin' Niggas name on paper, you snitched all summer The streets don’t fail me now, they tell me it's a new gang in town From Compton to Congress, it’s set trippin’ all around Ain’t nothin' new but a flow of new DemoCrips and ReBloodlicans Red state versus a blue state, which one you governin’? They give us guns and drugs, call us thugs Make it they promise to fuck with you No condom they fuck with you, Obama say, "What it do?" [Hook] Everybody want to talk about who this and who that Who the realest and who wack, who white or who black Critics want to mention that they miss when hip hop was rappin’ Motherfucker if you did, then Killer Mike'd be platinum Y’all priorities are fucked up, put energy in wrong shit Hennessy and Crown Vic, my memory been gone since Don’t ask about no camera back at award shows No, don’t ask about my bitch, no, don’t ask about my foes 'Less you askin' me about power, yeah, I got a lot of it I’m the only nigga next to Snoop that can push the button Had the Coast on standby “K. Dot, what up? I heard they opened up Pandora’s box” I box ‘em all in, by a landslide Nah homie we too sensitive, it spill out to the streets I make the call and get the coast involved then history repeats But I resolved inside that private hall while sitting down with Jay He said "it's funny how one verse could fuck up the game" I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in a hotel room I didn't want to self-destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went running for answers Until I came home But that didn't stop survivors guilt Going back and forth Trying to convince my self the stripes I earned Or maybe how A-1 my foundation was But while my loved ones was fighting A continuous war back in the city I was entering a new one

"Complexion (A Zulu Love)" (feat. Rapsody) [Hook:] Complexion (two-step) Complexion don't mean a thing (it's a Zulu love) Complexion (two-step) It all feels the same (it's a Zulu love) Dark as the midnight hour or bright as the mornin' sun Give a fuck about your complexion, I know what the Germans done Sneak (dissin’) Sneak me through the back window, I’m a good field nigga I made a flower for you outta cotton just to chill with you You know I'd go the distance, you know I'm ten toes down Even if master listenin', cover your ears, he 'bout to mention [Hook] Dark as the midnight hour, I'm bright as the mornin' Sun Brown skinned, but your blue eyes tell me your mama can't run Sneak (dissin') Sneak me through the back window, I’m a good field nigga I made a flower for you outta cotton just to chill with you You know I'd go the distance, you know I'm ten toes down Even if master's listenin', I got the world's attention So I'mma say somethin' that's vital and critical for survival Of mankind, if he lyin', color should never rival Beauty is what you make it, I used to be so mistaken By different shades of faces Then wit told me, "You're womanless, woman love the creation" It all came from God then you was my confirmation I came to where you reside And looked around to see more sights for sore eyes Let the Willie Lynch theory reverse a million times with... [Hook] You like it, I love it You like it, I love it [Rapsody:] Let me talk my Stu Scott, ‘scuse me on my 2pac Keep your head up, when did you stop? Love and die Color of your skin, color of your eyes That’s the real blues, baby, like you met Jay’s baby You blew me away, you think more beauty in blue green and grey All my Solomon up north, 12 years a slave 12 years of age, thinkin’ my shade too dark I love myself, I no longer need Cupid And forcin’ my dark side like a young George Lucas Light don’t mean you smart, bein’ dark don’t make you stupid And frame of mind for them bustas, ain’t talkin’ “Woohah!” Need a paradox for the pair of dots they tutored Like two ties, L-L, you lose two times If you don’t see you beautiful in your complexion It ain’t complex to put it in context Find the air beneath the kite, that’s the context Yeah, baby, I’m conscious, ain’t no contest If you like it, I love it, all your earth tones been blessed Ain’t no stress, jigga boos wanna be I ain’t talkin’ Jay, I ain’t talkin’ Bey I’m talkin’ days we got school watchin’ movie screens And spike yourself esteem The new James Bond gon’ be black as me Black as brown, hazelnut, cinnamon, black tea And it’s all beautiful to me Call your brothers magnificent, call all the sisters queens We all on the same team, blues and pirus, no colors ain’t a thing Barefoot babies with no cares Teenage gun toters that don’t play fair, should I get out the car? I don’t see Compton, I see something much worse The land of the landmines, the hell that’s on earth

"The Blacker The Berry" Everything black, I don't want black I want everything black, I ain't need black Some white some black, I ain't mean black I want everything black [x2] Six in the mornin', fire in the street Burn, baby burn, that's all I wanna see And sometimes I get off watchin' you die in vain It's such a shame they may call me crazy They may say I suffer from schizophrenia or somethin' But homie you made me Black don't crack my nigga I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015 Once I finish this, witnesses will convey just what I mean Been feeling this way since I was 16, came to my senses You never liked us anyway, fuck your friendship, I meant it I'm African-American, I'm African I'm black as the moon, heritage of a small village Pardon my residence Came from the bottom of mankind My hair is nappy, my dick is big, my nose is round and wide You hate me don't you? You hate my people, your plan is to terminate my culture You're fuckin' evil I want you to recognize that I'm a proud monkey You vandalize my perception but can't take style from me And this is more than confession I mean I might press the button just so you know my discretion I'm guardin' my feelins, I know that you feel it You sabotage my community, makin' a killin' You made me a killer, emancipation of a real nigga [Pre-Hook:] The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice The blacker the berry, the bigger I shoot [Hook:] I said they treat me like a slave, cah' me black Woi, we feel a whole heap of pain, cah' we black And man a say they put me in a chain, cah' we black Imagine now, big gold chain full of rocks How you no see the whip, left scars pon' me back But now we have a big whip, parked pon' the block All them say we doomed from the start, cah' we black Remember this, every race start from the black, just remember that I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015 Once I finish this, witnesses will convey just what I mean I mean, it's evident that I'm irrelevant to society That's what you're telling me, penitentiary would only hire me Curse me till I'm dead Church me with your fake prophesyzing that I'mma be just another slave in my head Institutionalize manipulation and lies Reciprocation of freedom only live in your eyes You hate me don't you? I know you hate me just as much as you hate yourself Jealous of my wisdom and cards I dealt Watchin' me as I pull up, fill up my tank, then peel out Muscle cars like pull ups, show you what these big wheels 'bout, ah Black and successful, this black man meant to be special CAT scans on my radar bitch, how can I help you? How can I tell you I'm making a killin'? You made me a killer, emancipation of a real nigga [Pre-Hook] [Hook] I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015 When I finish this if you listenin' sure you will agree This plot is bigger than me, it's generational hatred It's genocism, it's grimy, little justification I'm African-American, I'm African I'm black as the heart of a fuckin' Aryan I'm black as the name of Tyrone and Darius Excuse my French but fuck you — no, fuck y'all That's as blunt as it gets, I know you hate me, don't you? You hate my people, I can tell cause it's threats when I see you I can tell cause your ways deceitful Know I can tell because you're in love with the Desert Eagle Thinkin' maliciously, he get a chain then you gone bleed him It's funny how Zulu and Xhosa might go to war Two tribal armies that want to build and destroy Remind me of these Compton Crip gangs that live next door Beefin' with Piru's, only death settle the score So don't matter how much I say I like to preach with the Panthers Or tell Georgia State "Marcus Garvey got all the answers" Or try to celebrate February like it's my B-Day Or eat watermelon, chicken, and Kool-Aid on weekdays Or jump high enough to get Michael Jordan endorsements Or watch BET cause urban support is important So why did I weep when Trayvon Martin was in the street? When gang banging make me kill a nigga blacker than me? Hypocrite!

"You Ain't Gotta Lie (Momma Said)" Study long, study wrong, nigga Hey, y'all close that front door, ya'll let flies in this motherfucker Close that door! My OG up in this motherfucker right now My pops man with the bottle in his hand, actin' a fool Hey, hey, babe check it out, Imma tell you what my mama had said, she like: I could spot you a mile away I could see your insecurities written all on your face So predictable your words, I know what you gonna say Who you foolin'? Oh, you assuming you can just come and hang With the homies but your level of realness ain't the same Circus acts only attract those that entertain Small talk, we know that it's all talk We live in the Laugh Factory every time they mention your name [Bridge:] Askin', "where the hoes at?" to impress me Askin', "where the moneybags?" to impress me Say you got to burn your stash to impress me It's all in your head, homie Askin' "where the plug at?" to impress me Askin' "where the juug at?" to impress me Askin' "where it's at?" only upsets me You sound like the feds, homie [Hook x2:] You ain't gotta lie to kick it, my nigga You ain't gotta lie, you ain't gotta lie You ain't gotta lie to kick it, my nigga You ain't gotta try so hard And the world don't respect you and the culture don't accept you But you think it's all love And the girls gon' neglect you once your parody is done Reputation can't protect you if you never had one Jealousy (complex), emotional (complex) Self-pity (complex), under oath (complex) The loudest one in the room, nigga, that's a complex Let me put it back in proper context [Hook x2] [Bridge] What do you got to offer? Tell me before you we off ya, put you deep in the coffin Been allergic to talkin', been aversion to bullshit Instead of dreamin' the auction, tell me just who your boss is Niggas be fugazie, bitches be fugazie This is for fugazie niggas and bitches who make habitual line babies, bless them little hearts You can never persuade me You can never relate me to him, to her, or that to them Or you, the truth you love to bend In the back, in the bed, on the floor, that's your ho On the couch, in the mouth, I'll be out, really though So loud, rich niggas got low money And loud, broke niggas got no money The irony behind it is so funny And I seen it all this past year Pass on some advice we feel: [Hook]

"i" Is this mic on? (Hey, move this way, this way) Hey, Hey! Hey! Turn the mic up, c'mon, c'mon Is the mic on or not? I want the mic We're bringing up nobody, nobody... Nobody but the number one rapper in the world He done traveled all over the world He came back just to give you some game All of the little boys and girls, come up here (One two, one two, what's happening, fool?) Come right here, this is for you, come on up Kendrick Lamar, make some noise, brother I done been through a whole lot Trial, tribulation, but I know God The Devil wanna put me in a bow tie Pray that the holy water don't go dry As I look around me So many motherfuckers wanna down me But an enemigo never drown me In front of a dirty double-mirror they found me And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh They wanna say it's a war outside, bomb in the street Gun in the hood, mob of police Rock on the corner with a line for the fiend And a bottle full of lean and a model on the scheme uh These days of frustration keep y'all on tuck and rotation (Come to the front) I duck these cold faces, post up fi-fie-fo-fum basis Dreams of reality's peace Blow steam in the face of the beast Sky could fall down, wind could cry now Look at me motherfucker I smile And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh (Crazy) (What you gon' do?) Lift up your head and keep moving, (Keep moving) turn the mic up (Haunt you) Peace to fashion police, I wear my heart On my sleeve, let the runway start You know the miserable do love company What do you want from me and my scars? Everybody lack confidence, everybody lack confidence How many times my potential was anonymous? How many times the city making me promises? So I promise this, nigga And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh Huh (Walk my bare feet) huh (Walk my bare feet) Huh (Down, down valley deep) huh (Down, down valley deep) (I love myself) huh (Fi-fie-fo-fum) huh (fi-fie-fo-fum) (I love myself) huh (My heart undone) one, two, three And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh I went to war last night With an automatic weapon, don't nobody call a medic I'm a do it till I get it right I went to war last night (Night, night, night, night, night) I've been dealing with depression ever since an adolescent Duckin' every other blessin', I can never see the message I could never take the lead, I could never bob and weave From a negative and letting them annihilate me And it's evident I'm moving at a meteor speed Finna run into a building, lay my body... (Offstage Argument) Not on my time, Not while I'm up here Not on my time, kill the music Not on my time We could save that shit for the streets We could save that shit, this for the kids bro 2015, niggas tired of playin' victim dog Niggas ain't trying to play vic- TuTu, how many niggas we done lost? Yan-Yan, how many we done lost? No for real, answer the question, how many niggas we done lost bro? This, this year alone Exactly. So we ain't got time to waste time my nigga Niggas gotta make time bro The judge make time, you know that, the judge make time right? The judge make time so it ain't shit It shouldn't be shit for us to come out here and appreciate the little bit of life we got left, dawg On the dead homies. Charlie P, you know that bro You know that It's mando. Right, it's mando And I say this because I love you niggas man I love all my niggas bro Exac- enough said, enough said We gon' get back to the show and move on, because that shit petty my nigga Mic check, mic check, mic check, mic check, mic check We gon' do some acapella shit before we get back to- All my niggas listen Listen to this: I promised Dave I'd never use the phrase "fuck nigga" He said, "Think about what you saying: 'Fuck niggas' No better than Samuel on Django No better than a white man with slave boats" Sound like I needed some soul searching My Pops gave me some game in real person Retraced my steps on what they never taught me Did my homework fast before government caught me So I'm a dedicate this one verse to Oprah On how the infamous, sensitive N-word control us So many artists gave her an explanation to hold us Well, this is my explanation straight from Ethiopia N-E-G-U-S definition: royalty; King royalty - wait listen N-E-G-U-S description: Black emperor, King, ruler, now let me finish The history books overlook the word and hide it America tried to make it to a house divided The homies don't recognize we been using it wrong So I'm a break it down and put my game in a song N-E-G-U-S, say it with me Or say no more. Black stars can come and get me Take it from Oprah Winfrey, tell her she right on time Kendrick Lamar, by far, realest Negus alive

"Mortal Man" The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And with that being said my nigga, let me ask this question: When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan (one two, one two) When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And with that being said my nigga, let me ask this question: When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Want you look to your left and right, ask you friends When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Do you believe in me? Are you deceiving me? Could I let you down easily, is your heart where it need to be? Is your smile on permanent? Is your vow on lifetime? Would you know where the sermon is if I died in this next line? If I'm tried in a court of law, if the industry cut me off If the government want me dead, plant cocaine in my car Would you judge me a drug kid or see me as K. Lamar Or question my character and degrade me on every blog Want you to love me like Nelson, want you to hug me like Nelson I freed you from being a slave in your mind, you're very welcome You tell me my song is more than a song, it's surely a blessing But a prophet ain't a prophet til they ask you this question: When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Want you look to your left and right, make sure you ask you friends When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And if you riding with me Do you believe in me? How much you believe in her? You think she gon' stick around if them 25 years occur? You think he can hold you down when you down behind bars hurt? You think y'all on common ground if you promise to be the first? Can you be immortalised without your life being expired? Even though you share the same blood is it worth the time? Like who got your best interest? Like how much are you dependent? How clutch are the people that say they love you and who pretending? How tough is your skin when they turn you in, do you show forgiveness? What brush do you bend when dusting your shoulders from being offended What kind of den did they put you in when the lions start hissing What kind of bridge did they burn, revenge or your mind when it's mentioned? You wanna love like Nelson, you wanna be like Nelson You wanna walk in in his shoes but you peace-making seldom You wanna be remembered that delivered the message That considered the blessing of everyone, this your lesson for everyone, say When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Want you look to your left and right, make sure you ask you friends When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And if you riding with me I been wrote off before, I got abandonment issues I hold grudges like bad judges, don't let me resent you That's not Nelson-like, want you to love me like Nelson I went to Robben's Island analysing, that's where his cell is So I could find clarity, like how much you cherish me Is this relationship a fake or real as the heavens be? See I got to question it all, family, friends, fans, cats, dogs Trees, plants, grass, how the wind blow Murphy's Law, generation X, will I ever be your ex? Floss off a baby step, mobbed by the mouth a bit Pause, put me under stress Crawled under rocks, ducking y'all, it's respect But then tomorrow, put my back against the wall How many leaders you said you needed then left ‘em for dead? Is it Moses, is it Huey Newton or Detroit Red? Is it Martin Luther, JFK, shooter you assassin Is it Jackie, is it Jesse, oh I know, it's Michael Jackson, oh When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? That nigga gave us Billie Jean, you say he touched those kids? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let my word be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And if you riding with me nigga, let me ask this question nigga [Kendrick Lamar:] "I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power, full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went running for answers Until I came home But that didn't stop survivor's guilt Going back and forth trying to convince myself the stripes I earned Or maybe how A-1 my foundation was But while my loved ones was fighting the continuous war back in the city, I was entering a new one A war that was based on apartheid and discrimination Made me wanna go back to the city and tell the homies what I learned The word was respect Just because you wore a different gang colour than mines Doesn't mean I can't respect you as a black man Forgetting all the pain and hurt we caused each other in these streets If I respect you, we unify and stop the enemy from killing us But I don't know, I'm no mortal man, maybe I'm just another nigga" Shit and that's all I wrote I was gonna call another nigga but, it ain't really a poem, I just felt like it's something you probably could relate to. Other than that, now that I finally got a chance to holla at you, I always wanted to ask you about a certain situa-, about a metaphor actually, you spoke on the ground. What you mean ‘bout that, what the ground represent? [2Pac:] The ground is gonna open up and swallow the evil. That's how I see it, my word is bond. I see and the ground is the symbol for the poor people, the poor people is gonna open up this whole world and swallow up the rich people. Cause the rich people gonna be so fat, they gonna be so appetising, you know what I'm saying, wealthy, appetising. The poor gonna be so poor and hungry, you know what I'm saying it's gonna be like… there might be some cannibalism out this mutha, they might eat the rich [Kendrick Lamar:] Aight so let me ask you this then, do you see yourself as somebody that's rich or somebody that made the best of their own opportunities? [2Pac:] I see myself as a natural born hustler, a true hustler in every sense of the word. I took nothin', I took the opportunities, I worked at the most menial and degrading job and built myself up so I could get it to where I owned it. I went from having somebody manage me to me hiring the person that works my management company. I changed everything I realised my destiny in a matter of five years you know what I'm saying I made myself a millionaire. I made millions for a lot of people now it's time to make millions for myself, you know what I'm saying. I made millions for the record companies, I made millions for these movie companies, now I make millions for us [Kendrick Lamar:] And through your different avenues of success, how would you say you managed to keep a level of sanity? [2Pac:] By my faith in God, by my faith in the game, and by my faith in all good things come to those that stay true. You know what I'm saying, and it was happening to me for a reason, you know what I'm saying, I was noticing, I was punching the right buttons and it was happening. So it's no problem, you know I mean it's a problem but I'm not finna let them know. I'm finna go straight through [Kendrick Lamar:] Would you consider yourself a fighter at heart or somebody that only reacts when they back is against the wall? [2Pac:] I like to think that at every opportunity I've ever been threatened with resistance it's been met with resistance. And not only me but it goes down my family tree. You know what I'm saying, it's in my veins to fight back [Kendrick Lamar:] Aight well, how long you think it take before niggas be like, we fighting a war, I'm fighting a war I can't win and I wanna lay it all down [2Pac:] In this country a black man only have like 5 years we can exhibit maximum strength, and that's right now while you a teenager, while you still strong or while you still wanna lift weights, while you still wanna shoot back. Cause once you turn 30 it's like they take the heart and soul out of a man, out of a black man in this country. And you don't wanna fight no more. And if you don't believe me you can look around, you don't see no loud mouth 30-year old muthafuckas [Kendrick Lamar:] That's crazy, because me being one of your offspring of the legacy you left behind I can truly tell you that there's nothing but turmoil goin' on so I wanted to ask you what you think is the future for me and my generation today? [2Pac:] Shit, I think that niggas is tired-a grabbin' shit out the stores and next time it's a riot there's gonna be bloodshed for real. I don't think America can know that. I think American think we was just playing and it's gonna be some more playing but it ain't gonna be no playing. It's gonna be murder, you know what I'm saying, it's gonna be like Nat Turner, 1831, up in this muthafucka. You know what I'm saying, it's gonna happen [Kendrick Lamar:] That's crazy man. In my opinion, only hope that we kinda have left is music and vibrations, lotta people don't understand how important it is. Sometimes I be like, get behind a mic and I don't know what type of energy I'mma push out, or where it comes from. Trip me out sometimes [2Pac:] Because the spirits, we ain't really rappin', we just letting our dead homies tell stories for us [Kendrick Lamar:] Damn I wanted to read one last thing to you. It's actually something a good friend had wrote describing my world. It says: "The caterpillar is a prisoner to the streets that conceived it Its only job is to eat or consume everything around it, in order to protect itself from this mad city While consuming its environment the caterpillar begins to notice ways to survive One thing it noticed is how much the world shuns him, but praises the butterfly The butterfly represents the talent, the thoughtfulness, and the beauty within the caterpillar But having a harsh outlook on life the caterpillar sees the butterfly as weak and figures out a way to pimp it to his own benefits Already surrounded by this mad city the caterpillar goes to work on the cocoon which institutionalizes him He can no longer see past his own thoughts He's trapped When trapped inside these walls certain ideas start to take roots, such as going home, and bringing back new concepts to this mad city The result? Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations that the caterpillar never considered, ending the eternal struggle Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different, they are one and the same." What's your perspective on that? Pac, Pac, Pac