#like i mostly get impacted from this as a straight trans man

[gay-otlc]

Actually I think we should talk about how incredibly fucked up it is for sapphic women to say shit like "I'm no better than a straight man 😔" when attracted to a woman in a way that isn't 100% pure and wholesome, or act like men's attraction to women is inherently dirty, predatory, or objectifying.

[manstrans]

someone said on that post that trans men’s identities will be seen and respected by the majority

what world are these people living in

people are just outright denying transphobia exists as a whole at this point by acting like only one kind of trans people get it.

i guess any suicidal trans mascs need to man up and not make such a big deal. i guess any of us who went through that were deluding ourselves into thinking that society will reject us and that we may end up abandoned by families. all my family members were quick to get to call me a guy.

none of them ever accused me of saying anything perverted that I never said when I came out to my little cousin. or harassed me with my dead name. told me i was tied to my bones and when they dig me up in the future they would say i am a woman. that would just be mild discomfort though really if that did happen

getting harassed online, being called an ugly woman or a dyke or a deluded little girl (adults or not) all results in said mild discomfort. it is very easily brushed aside at the end of the day. it has no impact on mental health for people to say your top surgery scars make you look like frankenstein’s monster. people do not think a “beautiful woman” is being lost when trans mascs transition. because if people hate women, they would be totally fine with the idea of one “abandoning it”. instead of staying as pretty women that aren’t too much gnc. because a man doesn’t want to be with someone who looks like a lesbian

trans mascs never find struggle trying to get reproductive care because they are not being taken seriously. or ever had cases where doctors were late to diagnosing cancers due to this as well. because putting M down would mean anything to do with differing sex organs from cis men would not be ignored. that this is not the case for every trans person. that we do not have the issue in common of facing transphobia, and in this the shared experience of cissexism as well, in medical spheres

trans mascs never get misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder when psychs misgender us as woman and think us being trans is the “identity disturbance” symptom. this doesn’t get any resulting impact from ableism, as personality disorders then will get you branded as a doomed person by many psychs.

people never try to fear monger trans mascs into thinking tesosterone is going to turn you into a violent, angry brute. the show The L Word never perpetuated this idea to millions of mostly cis queer women watching.

Boys Don’t Cry isn’t based off a true story. No trans masculine person can ever be rape victims as well. Or if they were, the perpetuator would never bring up the person being trans masculine as a reason.

i never saw terfs talking about correctively raping trans mascs back into lesbians

homophobia is faced by both gay men and lesbians. if anyone said gay men never facehomophobia i would ask them if they actually learned our history. or only snippets

if told that is not the same, I think they should look up Lou Sullivan for the intersection of being trans masc and gay. ask some trans mascs stories about going into bath houses and what happened when accused of being women in there. that this never led to anxiety over a consensual sexual interaction in being accused of rape for “tricking” a gay man into having sex with a “straight woman”? the trans panic defense ever comes up as a known concern in these cases

alright yeah the sarcasm is evident here.

just how do they not realize that implying that trans mascs do not experience transphobia with this is the actual terminally online take? holy shit.

either that or they get to live in a more generally progressive city and not a white suburb in the US. while also being not white. btw you don’t have any reason to think any of these problems may be emphasized if you are brown or black.

any response to this about accusing us of biological essentialism is victim blaming. what is being described are the consequences of biological essentialism that we both endure. we cannot ignore its existence. I wish we could. but transphobes won’t let us. because we challenge the fact and show that it isn’t true

YEAH I just read through this and like. everything in it. people in these echo chambers think a few snappy lines outweigh our lived experiences but it doesn't work that way at all

[homonormative-world]

As a former misandrist and heterophobe — even if it was mostly lighthearted and joking — what made me stop was realizing how much my mindset relied on binary, separatist notions of gender that should have been entirely at odds with my worldview and my entire identity as a trans person. Misandry and heterophobia, even if they don’t exist as a systemic bias, are still very real on an interpersonal level, and are at any given moment only a few steps away from outright bi/transphobic rhetoric.

Even if you don’t think too much about it because you’re “punching up”, it is absolutely important to be aware of how you are impacting people with your mindsets, serious or otherwise. Such as saying “I hate all men” and then turning to your transmasc friend and saying “not you, you’re one of the good ones.” Or anything to do with gold star lesbian purity culture and its brazen display of biphobia.

Beyond how it can directly affect marginalized identities, it can also instill the belief in cishet men, especially young cishet men, that nothing they do will ever be good enough, which only makes them more vulnerable to indoctrination by toxically masculine role models and influencers.

One of the most jarring things for me after coming out was suddenly getting to participate in misandrist bitching sessions, rather than being a target of them. But just because we were aiming at the wrong target before correcting course doesn’t mean the war is a righteous one. If anything, that should just serve as evidence that gender and sexuality are a little too wibbly-wobbly to be segregated.

So just like, be kind to people. Even if they’re sitting pretty on the social pyramid. If they’re not being bigoted or abusive, or actively enabling such behaviors, they aren’t your enemy. After all, sometimes all that stands between a miserable straight man and a lesbian is love, support, and a little bit of introspection.

I don’t usually like to ramble or write essays here but sometimes you have a shower thought that more people should be thinking about.

[hrghhhhhhhhh]

Do you think it's simply too risky to have a male couple in an fps game? Cause Soldier76 also only has an off-screen ex similar to the only gay character in Apex while a trans woman or a bisexual woman with a girlfriend (all accepted things by straight male gamers!) are core parts of the game. The only thing the main target group really, and i mean REALLY cannot stand is seeing two gay men, let alone playing one who banters about it. Gibraltar never even mentions it. Probably not a coincidence.

While i think that apex historically launched with an nb person on the cast, and built gibs storyline with his ex boyfriend preloaded I dont think that theyre afraid of the "backlash". i think they listen very closely to the people theyre trying to represent. I do think that its not a 0% impact of the Gamers TM getting mad, but i realy dont think that, as a studio, they really give a shit. I think theyre mostly worried bout making unrealistic representation, and letting down people who REALLY care.

Im a pan cis white woman, so i am NOTTTTT qualified to speak on fetishization of wlw and trans women. However its never come across to me as their intent to dangle things to entice Gamer men. Like, thinking of other games that have a much more fanservice cast, like League, like gatchyas, ect I am thankful that i dont see apex being like that. Again, I'm totally not infallible here, and would love some other perspectives.

IDK, while i don't think they're 'intimidated' into not showcasing a romantic male relationship, i do think they suffer from chronic "most of the population" syndrome, with straight being the default. It shows with a lot of their cast being undeclared, andn the ones that ARE are like hyperflirty? In the same vein of trying for Good Rep, i personally dont think a characters's sexuality needs to be "proven" by putting them in a relationship. I have some chip on my shoulder about the bi woman and pan man being (suddenly) sent to the monogamy zone. Thats a personal gripe tho.

in conclusion, I'd love to see a mlm couple!!!! while i agree there seems to be a lack of intent in making one front facing, i dont think theyre doing it maliciously or out of cowardice. just. Too Default to Consider it? ? ? its not RIGHT, but its the more likely explaination. Maybe that is some underlying homophobia, but im not their therapist akjghaskjh

These have been so fun to answer i apprec the brain stretches

[cruelsister-moved]

okay so OP of that post coined 'transandrophobia', thinks trans men can reclaim tr@nny, s*ssy, dyke + other slurs, somehow IDs at once as [checks notes] bisexual with a preference for men, a butch dyke, mlm, gay, a trans man, and a tr*nny (like he uses that as an ID 😶), said MISOGNY is "not a women's issue", thinks trans men don't have male privilege or perpetuate misogny & straight trans ppl can't have straight privilege or be homophobic so like its literally every day on this website

[jamesshawgames]

Does Zhu have any feelings about a ftm Spillane that doesn't make a lot of effort to transition or pass? I'm doing a playthrough romancing him with my oc Victor (who is Addressed like a man but doesn't have body dysphoria, only voice dysphoria) and I just wondered if Zhu has any Specific feelings about such a thing. I imagine that Zhu may have dealt himself with some people feminizing him in a way that makes him uncomfortable, and wondered if he might therefore Get It to an extent; that the shape and size of a non-transitioning m!Spillane, or how masculinely he may or may not present himself, doesn't impact his identity, and understand that he Is a man no matter what. The unwanted feminization of men like Zhu (asian men with "pretty" features and slimmer stature) is a cis issue and doesn't quite match up for obvious reasons, but I can't help but think there might be some understanding there because of it.

Also as a trans non binary individual, the representation in your series almost brought me to tears. It's gorgeous and amazing and I also love that instead of the choices being more like "cis guy" "cis girl" "non binary person" the clothing and pronoun options make it clear that you can present differently from your pronouns, and doesn't impose cisness onto you. I saw that you got some commenters on the forums saying that it was "immersion breaking" but honestly? The way you portray it ISN'T. It gives hope, it gives this admittedly slightly idealistic image of queer people EXISTING back in the day, acknowledgimg that that often leads to consequences without erasing us like the history books tend to. In history focused media and conversations people so often only talk about us in a way that directly references the violence and disgust we were treated with, ignoring the fact that we DID exist, even if we had to live quietly. Its such a beautiful and hopeful thing to be portrayed and I'm extremely glad to see you holding ground against people that want us to be erased for the sake of immersion. It's clear that had it been integral to a story line for you to do so, you could've gender-locked the character (just like you white-passing locked them due to That One Plotline) and I'm very glad you didn't need to do so.

Anyways sorry for the rambling... I just really love this series and everything in it.

Thanks so much for the lovely ask!

Zhu is essentially demiromantic and pansexual. What matters to him is not the gender identity of a potential partner, but the strength of emotional attachment he feels toward them. So, if he feels connected enough to Victor to want to date him, that's the only important thing. Zhu himself is cis, but he does understand that gender is not as simple as the traditional binary, in part because, as you say, he has had some experience of being seen in a slightly feminized way himself.

Thank you so much for your nice comments on representation! And yes, I've had a little bit of pushback from some people, mostly on grounds of "realism" or "historical accuracy". If people want to complain about "historical accuracy" in the Relics series, then they can, but IMO they should probably start by complaining about the magic stones and the aliens, rather than jumping straight to complaining about the existence in the games of people with non-traditional gender identities, who have always existed whether they like it or not.

I'll stop before this becomes a rant. Thanks again for the ask!

[femmefoxman]

I’ve been thinking a lot about body positivity and self-image and how to deal with that as a trans man.

This is a long post. The rest is under a read more because of this. It’s a bit rambling too. I’m just working through my thoughts.

CW: surgery mention, abuse mention, unhealthy eating/thoughts about eating mention, lots of discussion of social beauty ideals and how people are treated poorly for not meeting them. Nothing graphic though.

The pressure to transition into an ‘ideal man’

So - in September I had top surgery. It was definitely the right decision and (combined with starting testosterone in July 2019) it’s had a huge positive impact on my mental health. I look at myself in the mirror and finally see myself looking back. I feel like life is full of possibility at the moment. It’s pretty great honestly.

Here’s the thing - I’m chubby - I was in an abusive family situation for a while and ended up with some food issues which resulted in me losing a fair bit of weight and then putting a bunch back on.

Because I’m a bigger guy I’ve got dog-ears (excess skin and fat) at the ends of my top surgery scars. I feel mostly okay about them and am not planning to get a surgical revision. But I feel weirdly guilty about being okay with them.

I feel like there’s this pressure and expectation that if I want to look like a man (and I do because that’s what I am) then I should look like society’s ideal of a man. People seem to think I should want to be thin and muscular and to have a sharp jawline and just the right amount of body hair.

But to be honest I don’t want that. And I feel guilty about not wanting that.

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this - on one hand, I have this feeling that I’m doing something wrong or wasting my transition somehow? Logically I know those thoughts aren’t mine - I know that this external pressure I’ve experienced has put these thoughts into my head. But the idea has bedded itself surprisingly deep into my brain so I haven’t been able to get rid of the nagging voice going ‘you’re doing it wrong’.

On the other hand, I’m pretty repulsed by this expectation that I should conform even more strictly to societal beauty standards because I’m trans. I shouldn’t have to thin, I shouldn’t have to work out unless I feel like it, I shouldn’t have to try and look cis. I want to look like a man yes. But I want to look like a queer trans man because that’s what I am and if I look like a cis dude then I’ll start seeing a stranger when I look in the mirror again.

It doesn’t help that the pressure to conform isn’t just interpersonal but structural - for example, trans people often have to be below a certain BMI to access surgery on the NHS and even in some private hospitals. Because of this, every time I’ve had to interact with the clinic that prescribes my hormones they’ve made some pretty yikes remarks about my weight.

I still remember, in our first meeting, how the person assessing me commented that if I could lose some weight then I’d be very handsome due to being fairly tall and broad-shouldered for a trans guy. It made me feel like they saw me as an object that could be shaped and moulded into whatever they wanted - into a symbol of their mastery over medicine.

It was dehumanising as hell.

Femininity, fatness and autism

Being overweight and a man who is slowly starting to present in a more authentically femme manner is interesting.

It makes me feel like some kind of horrible pervert a lot of the time.

I think we’ve got this image of a fat, effeminate, creepy dude so embedded in our collective consciousness that it’s poisoning my self-image a little. It doesn’t help that this collective caricature has a lot of autistic traits and well - I’m autistic.

It sucks because I try very hard to be respectful and non-creepy. I don’t think other people perceive me that way, from what I can tell.

But my brain keeps insisting that if I wore a dress or lipstick or high heels then I’ll transform into some Silence of the Lambs-type figure.

So I’ve been restricting myself to just painting my nails and wearing necklaces sometimes.

But I don’t want to do that any more. I want to be myself as hard and joyfully and authentically as I can all of the time. I feel like I’ve spent so long repressing myself - first because I was in the closet about being queer and trans and then because I was trying my hardest to pass due to not being about to handle social and physical dysphoria at the same time.

I guess it’s something I need to work through... but I’m not going to give up and hide away again. I won’t do that.

Transandrophobia

The other thing I’ve been thinking a lot about is how the sex characteristics primarily associated with men - for example, facial and body hair - are seen in a negative light. Largely in social justice spaces and communities but in the wider world to some extent also.

In social justice spaces, there is a lot of fear and dislike of maleness and masculinity. I can understand why but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with as a man who is marginalised due to his gender. I don’t feel very safe or comfortable outside of these spaces but it’s often a pretty tough experience to exist in them too.

This dislike of male things extends to physical traits that are seen as male also. Even in supposedly trans-inclusive spaces, I’ve seen this vocal repulsion to things like body hair and facial hair. Disgust towards traits like this is harmful to pretty much everyone who doesn’t fit cis, perisex, white beauty standards.

People who express this disgust in trans inclusive spaces often seem to think that their words will only hurt white, straight, able-bodied, perisex cis men and that it’s therefore fine.

However, I don’t think it’s okay to talk about cis guy’s bodies like that - for one because it’s just a mean thing to do and for two because even if you want to go out of your way to hurt cis men’s feelings then there’s still no way for you to prevent unintended collateral damage if you say horrible things about someone else’s body in a public place.

So if it’s wrong to make comments like that towards relatively privileged people then it’s very, very wrong to say such things about the bodies of trans people, intersex people and people of colour.

Another factor that harms trans men and other transmasculine people specifically is how people tend to react towards our bodies at varying times during medical transitioning. People (especially cis women) tend to react very positively towards us having feminine physical features - being soft and hairless and pretty-looking. Then we receive backlash if we choose to transition - we run into this idea that we’re “ruining” our “precious, sacred, feminine bodies”.

This nasty, entitled rhetoric tends to crop up strongest among TERFs but I’ve come across less explicit, less obviously transphobic variations in trans inclusive communities also.

This demonisation of “male” traits messed with my head when my hormones started to take effect. I was really happy to feel my dysphoria decreasing but at the same time, I had to come to terms with looking well, ugly. At least - ugly according to the spaces and communities I am a part of.

[mildly-incoherent-ramblings]

Honey Sticks (Straws? Tubes? What Do You Call Them?)

A distant friend's friend was making care packages for trans people and asked folks on Instagram if they wanted them, so I asked for one. This has been a hard season on me and I thought hey, what the hell, worst case scenario I don't get one and its whatever. Right?

This was months ago, and I forgot almost immediately after doing so. It came today. 

There were lots of things included that made me happy, little gestures of sweetness. Two tea bags, one for sleep and one for relaxation, which I had not had much of either and needed. A sticker of a cute little spider, of whom I have complicated feelings for and have grown to love, though from a distance. Some candies, a lemon-honey cough drop, a very nice card, a note and a patch with an anarchy symbol framed in a heart that I bet will probably fade in 3 or so washes but I will wear anyways. It is after all, the thought that counts. But the gesture that warmed my soul and brought me great joy, was the honey stick. 

I didn’t process the significance at first. There were so many of these little items at once and I was just overwhelmed overall by this small expression of kindness. I thanked the person, followed them, thanked the person who had told them I wanted one and made sure I was following them, and set these things aside for a little while to tend to other things. 

I had a stressful situation involving a kitchen mess that triggered me a little and had just sat down after addressing said stressful situation when my eyes fixed on the little honey stick along with the candy I had been given. I ate the mango hi-chew first and briefly was paranoid it would fill the cavities in my teeth and have me regretting it. 

Then I went for the honey stick. I held it in my hands, rolled it gently between my fingers. I watched the honey move through the tube as I squeezed it in different places and the nostalgia started to set in. I remember long drives to the bay as a child with my grandparents and stopping at this little roadside farm that had produce and preserves and flowers and always, little straws filled with honey and sealed off, what I called as a child and refer to now as honey sticks. 

The texture was familiar, cool plastic between my fingers. I popped the seal gently with my teeth and pushed about half the tube onto my tongue. As soon as it hit my taste buds, I was transported to this place. To where my grandfather was still alive, in my mind, during a time where he and my grandmother were still at least as far as I knew, quite happy. The sweetness and the floral and the acidic and the smooth texture floated in my salivating mouth, as tears welled up in my eyes. I felt it coat the back of my teeth, savored it, before swallowing and squeezing from the tube the rest of its contents. I did not waste a single drop of this wonderful gift. I sat with the sadness and the nostalgia and the longing for some time. And then my eyes fixated on the pamphlet from his memorial service hanging in the corner. I miss the man, for all the problems he came with and all the unanswered questions and unresolved hurt I had felt. Missed that time where I had the privilege of being a child, before I was old enough to understand that though my loved ones loved me indeed, their love would only extend as far as their own perspective’s limitations reached.

The last two times I saw my grandpa sit in my stomach like bricks in a burlap sack. The second to last time, he was moving out of state with his good friend, and the last words he chose to say to me were “I love you, Granddaughter.” I had been out as transmasculine to my family for several years, and he was one of the only members of my family who flat out refused to support my decisions. I told my grandma about how I felt about this several months later, at the time worried this may be the last time I ever saw him. I felt like he did not want to see my transition, and did not want to see the man I would become. As much as I love my grandma, she doesn’t keep a secret worth a shit, so of course she went behind my back and told him everything. She always does. 

The very last time we saw each other, he tried to discuss this event and how it impacted him. By this time I was fully growing into my masculine body, had little pubescent hairs shading my upper lip and a deepened voice. He still adamantly misgendered me, refused to even look at me, the entire time. He simply could not see me. He asked me why I would do this to my family. He asked me why I would make them all suffer seeing me like this, as if my choice to live authentically was harmful to everyone around me. He was also under the distinct impression that our loved ones regarded my choices with the same level of disgust he had. He expressed revulsion and shame for my choices, and wanted to agree to disagree, under the impression still that he could just see me as a woman and ignore all the changes I had made and the life I was living, and how much even the other skeptical members of my family had adjusted since. He did not want another grandson, especially one who was a fag. That car ride brought a lot of tension, and the entire time we spent after with my grandma when we met her for lunch, was plated on a bed of unspoken mutual contempt for one another. He salted an already deep and still fresh wound, and it festered over. It still has not quite healed. 

Ironically, it would be revealed not too long after, that my brother had discovered that grandpa himself was in fact very much a gay man. While he was assisting him with formatting his cell phone, my brother would accidentally stumble on a still open incognito tab with some... very gay content still open. Along with that, a string of messages with his “good friend,” who had apparently been his lover the entire time. My brother responded with compulsory homophobic remarks that I will not repeat, but mostly just frustration that he had been dishonest with my grandma all these years. The discomfort that situation has inspired in me still hasn’t properly been unpacked. Everyone was wrong in that situation. Everyone.

Go figure. He and his good friend, “they were roommates.” 

When he passed, my father came and told me in person. I finally spoke of what had happened between us, and even he was angered by the hypocrisy, saying he had known for years that my grandfather was not straight. I know now that how he treated me was what he did for himself to avoid suspicion. Because if I had the audacity to be out, that meant there was little left for an excuse for him to hide. I threatened his cover. I threatened his disguise. I cracked his mask. I left his closet open ajar and he peered outside, horrified at the possibilities he saw.

Acknowledging all this, even still, I could not help but enjoy this moment of being brought back to this familiar childhood memory, before all of that would happen. This person who sent me this great gift could not have known the significance, but rest assured, I am quite grateful. I enjoyed this moment and then it was gone, and then it was back to reality in front of my computer, staring at the wall. The knowledge that that same man who loved me dearly was also undeniably cruel to me burned my skin and flooded my eyes. Hidden beneath that hurt and sadness, I felt remorse for him, because he never did feel safe speaking his truth to us, not even to the others in our family who related to him. I often think of his lover, and how painful it must have been for this man to mourn him publicly as a good friend, and privately as an intimate partner of whom adored him and cared for him in ways they could not ever feel safe speaking of.

Sitting with this conflict of nostalgia and longing for the safety of my adolescent ignorance, with the truth and the reality as I have come to know it, I let my own mask fall, and cried for the first time in months since he had died. It is possible to both love a person who was once good to you and also acknowledge when their actions created harm, and to hold them accountable. I do not believe it to be disrespect to the dead to also speak of their faults as well as their glory. Joy and sadness and frustration and unanswered questions looked down on me, crowded around me, mocked me.

My hands shake as I type and I am overwhelmed with the juxtaposition of these strong emotions.

Written some time in mid July.

RIP August 19th, 2020

[lovedsammy]

I saw your Sastiel pack and LOVED it! Why does anyone ship Castiel with Dean though, he treats him terribly? Is Dean like that with everyone AKA if I watch SPN will I be constantly wincing in empathy?

Oh wow, thank you so much for this! Suffice it to say, this could become a rather long response, so I’ll make sure to put it under a read more. 

Question for you, nonnie: are the Sastiel scene packs the only exposure you’ve had to SPN? If you’re thinking of watching it, there is a whole lot more to it, believe me, but let me explain this as best as I can for you. <3

The way you see Dean treating Cas in the scene packs is admittedly only a part of their relationship, but it’s the most PREVALENT part. It’s what you’ll see happen between them the most. There are moments of friendliness, even ‘shippy’ moments if you get that vibe. 

I used to ship Destiel way back in the s4-s8 era. Initially, my reasons for liking it were that I loved how Cas expressed emotion whenever he spent time around Dean, and the idea of an angel falling in love with a human appealed to me (i.e: Cas FALLING BECAUSE HE FELL IN LOVE). I liked the idea of Dean, a man who didn’t believe in Heaven and angels, finding this one angel and seeing that they can be good. Cas saved Dean from Hell, after all. They were having so many moments together that went from outright hostility on Dean’s end to something of a comradeship and a hint of something more. I definitely saw some of the appeal. 

However, that appeal was short-sighted and it was heavily influenced by members of the fandom (the pro-Destiel camp that insisted on seeing it literally EVERYWHERE). I was sucked in, incorporated their views as my own, and hadn’t quite decided where I felt ‘at home’ in the fandom. Especially because when the scene in 4x07 happened and Cas and Sam met for the first time, my first thought was: “Oh shit, I could end up shipping this. I already love their dynamic.” But it was a low-key thought, because bringing up a potential for Sastiel at that time when the fandom was mostly loud Destiel shippers that outright hated Sam, much less the idea of him with DEAN’S angel? You’d get torn to shreds, lmao. So I kept those thoughts to myself, having no outlet to talk about them, until I finally came over to the Sam side of the fandom, risking losing friends and followers along the way, and I definitely did. I unfollowed some people that I initially really liked because of how they made Sam fans feel and how they felt about Sam in general. 

I really do think the primary reasons for shipping Destiel are that:

A) Brother bias. A lot of the SPN fans I’ve encountered are generally more of Dean fans than Sam. Sam gets so much flack both within and outside of the fandom. So naturally, Dean fans are going to be more invested in dynamics and relationships for him than they are for Sam.

B) Dean and Cas had a lot more moments together very early on, so they had more of a ‘foundation.’ I guarantee you that if Sastiel had been given the same amount of screen time early, it likely would’ve gone a different direction. 

C) Cas’s development - or expansion - of emotions occurred primarily around Dean. The show is very Dean-centered (biased) and you see the show a lot through his eyes. You need to read between the lines and look at it with a different perspective to get Sam’s, much less anyone else’s. So if you’re fixating on moments where Cas is emotional, you think it’s happening because of Dean. But there were many scenes where after talking to Sam, Cas expressed emotion, doubt, and other emotions. Plus, we hadn’t known at the time that Cas had been created with a crack in his chassis, and was already predispositioned to loving humanity and only by meeting Dean (and Sam) was that brought out. 

D) The desperation for queer rep. Sadly, there are plenty of Destiel shippers who are straight girls that just want to see two hot men get it on, but there are many people of the LGBTQ+ community that are genuinely looking for good representation. I think the idea of Destiel is something that could’ve worked for rep had it been done right, but it wasn’t. I’m all for more rep, and good rep at that. I consider myself Ace, but still going through it all, so I’m not very involved in the community (although I’m definitely an ally) and I want rep that everyone can feel represents them. What most Destiel shippers don’t seem to get is that people who are LGBTQ+ are not always Destiel shippers and I have plenty of friends who are queer or bi or trans that ship Sastiel or Wincest instead. It comes down less to people who are anti-Destiel being homophobic and more of that some of us just... don’t like abusive relationships, which Destiel definitely falls under. 

If you decide to watch the show: 

Yes, Dean is very often abusive towards Cas. He’s abusive towards Sam, too as well as Jack. He has anger issues and outbursts that the show loves to sweep under the rug because it’s naturally biased towards him. However, early on especially, we are shown that he can still be good, be gentle, and loving at times. The last 10 or so seasons, we kind of lost some of that. I had to go episode by episode in how I felt about Dean. The most important piece of advice I can give you is watch the show for yourself, and don’t let anyone else’s views impact how you see it. 

[thehollowprince]

As if we needed *more* proof how cishet white fangirls only care about mlm ships which are basically self inserts for themselves, I remember so many times when they wouldn't support gay ships where one or more was unconventionally attractive or Black/brown cuz "they're not hot". That really sums it up lol

I do my beat to adhere to the advice my grandmother gave me years ago, which is simple: "Assume nothing." I do my best to stick to that philosophy, because Tumblr is one of the few places left on the internet where you are able to retain you anonymity. We don't know the ethnicty or sexualtiy of the people on here unless they divulge it, and given media's predominant fixation of cis white gays, it would be understandable to have people who are same-sex attracted fixate on what little representation is afforded to us as a whole.

That being said, I've been in Fandom for quite a while, and as we've all seen, these fans have gone out of their way to try and silence any differing opinions, mostly those of fans of color or members of the LGBT community. I myself have more than once been told to "mind my own business", which is infuriating to me, because as a gay man, how they're promoting my sexuality to the world is my business especially when its harmful to the Community at large.

It becomes apparent very quickly who actually cares about seeing the struggles and triumphs of the LGBT characters represented on screen, and who just wants to see two guys kiss.

We talk a lot about Sterek and the impact that subfandom had on Teen Wolf as a whole, and I think that's a great example of what we're talking about. This is a show where there were actual, canonical gay characters in loving relationships, and yet they're constantly ignored or downplayed to focus on the crack ship between two straight white men that the fandom made up. It didn't matter that these two characters couldn't stand each other, or that they didn't have a positive interaction with one another until season four (just before Hoechlin left the show) or that there were characters like Danny or Mason, because all fandom wanted to do was see these two white guys kiss. They didn't care that Danny and Ethan had a pretty steamy make-out session, or that Mason and Corey had a relationship that lasted longer than any other on the show. They simply didn't care about the harmful stereotypes they were embracing and endorsing by fixating on a ship that involved a teenager with an adult, and who only really expressed animosity toward each other, usually through violence.

And then, when they didn't get what they wanted, or what they had set up in their heads (based on nothing in canon), they cried "queerbaiting!" I actually got death threats back during season three of Teen Wolf because I was more invested in Danny's relationship with Ethan than I was with whatever the fandom had made up for Sterek.

Another great example is Skam and its various remakes. Even of you've never watched a single one of them, you've heard of it, specifically the season revolving around the Isak character coming to terms with his sexuality. I started watching live during the third remake of that particular season and it was very eye opening. Despite the many many posts and blogs dedicated to that season alone, I was astounded by how many people didn't care about the struggles of being in the closet or what Lucas (or Matteo or Robbe) were going through. Ironically enough, they all pretty much said the exact same speech as the girl who tells them that "its (insert year) and nobody cares. Come out already!"

This attitude was most prevalent in the third season of the Belgian version of the show, WTFOCK. When they didn't "follow the formula" and introduce Sander right away, people started flipping their shit. There were several scenes where Robbe (the protagonist) was trying to "be normal" and make his relationship with Noor work, and there were countless jokes in the tags about how Robbe was secretly straight. They didn't want to see someone struggling with being in the closet, with being who society says they should be, they wanted to skip right to the end and watch the two boys make out. When Robbe snapped at Sander due to his own internalized homophobia, they demanded his head and immediately started shipping him with another character from another remake. That was when I realized that fully that they didn't care about anything more than watching two boys kiss.

And then there's how they treated the characters of color, such as Yann and Imane and Moyo during those seasons, but that's a different convention for another time.

Further proof of this was in both Skam España and Druck (the German version), the former having a wlw romance and the latter having a mlm, but one of the boys was trans, and therefore "not man enough" for their tastes. Skam España was practically slept on and its almost never included in any of the comparison posts or lists. I mean, yes the cast of that show turned out to be a little vile, but still.

I understand that I, as a white gay man, get the lion's share of the representation in media, but watching fandom obsess only over the white boys, even when there's good representation in both women and characters of color is astounding, bordering on obnoxious. I'm usually very much a "ship and let ship" kind of person, until the fandom goes out of their way to ignore the brown boys or the black boys or the women, no matter what shade, to focus solely on two white boys, whether they're gay or not. That's the point where I feel the need to speak up, because to be silent is to be complicit in their purposeful ignorance.

[spadesinglasses]

3 Will Be Free (series)

The highs, the lows, and the disgusting parts of it.

If you love the series 100%, then don't read. Skip and let our lives co exist without acknowledging one another.

Once again starting with disclaimers or whatever you call this part just so y'all can already guess how my reaction would be.

I am hesitant to start this series mostly because of the fact that a gay man slept with a straight woman here. I have issues with it and will prolly have issues with that tropes they often do until it stops happening but ignoring that godforsaken part, the series is pretty good!

Now let's start.

Let's talk about the plot. The plot is about three people, namely Miw, Neo, and Shin, who ended up getting together because of the fault of one of them. Neo, a supposedly bisexual guy who ended up sleeping with a Shin's step mother have to run away for his life because the husband ended up hunting him down. A lot of people died because of it. Shin and Miw tagged along because Shin loves him and Miw accidentally killed Phon, the hitman sent by the husband. Now they have to find away to survive this turmoil and be freeeee.

Now let's talk about the real meat of the series namely, Mae, Phon, and Ter.

3 will be free has two sides of a story, Shin, Neo and Miw, and then Mae, Phon, and Ter. One got their happy ending, while the other got her tragedy.

Mae is a trans woman, dating Phon. Phon is a hitman under Thana, Shin's father and the husband of the dead step mother. Ter is Phon's best friend and Mae's acquaintance and eventual friend/lover.

Now why did I say that Mae, Phon, and Ter is the meat of the series? Its because their situation had the most weight despite having lesser screen time.

Mae and Phon's story was told by a series of flashbacks throughout the series, each heavily affects Mae's actions. Honestly I personally like how infrequent the flashbacks were, because the scenes they decided to go with is actually impactful. Each flashback tells us who Mae and Phon is, and how great their story is.

Mae and Ter's story on the other hand was great in a sense where they found one another to mourn for Phon, to avenge his death only at the end to decide to let go.

Throughout the series Mae ended up taking a step into Phon and Ter's life. She ended up killing someone that made her stronger, pushed her to do what was necessary at the end.

Mae's story is about self love, and how she views the world is only reinforced by the people she loves, instead of them going against it. Phon had been supportive of her from start to finish. He's willing to bend his own life for her instead of the other way around, and just let's Mae be the person she wants to be. Phon had never made Mae feel like she owes him something. Phon sees her as someone who is brave, strong, and beautiful. It was magnificent.

Mae's story just doesn't revolve around Phon and Ter tho. She has her own struggles and it was shown throughout the series. She used what she knows to keep Ter out of trouble despite the man doing his damnest to follow Phon to the grave.

I honestly love how they showed what she goes through or has to go through just so she can be how she views herself as. It showed the viewers who probably doesn't know jack shit about being trans and gave them her perspective to think about.

Another good point of the series is how they portrayed the women in it. Women empowerment is definitely necessary these days and to see unapologetic strong women who is still compassionate, still more than just violence is definitely refreshing.

The series showed that certain circumstances pushes people, women to do stuff that they did not want to do. And how men disrespects them. I really wish that viewers do not forget these two things that is essential to the series.

I want to point out how beautiful the backstory is for Neo and Shin. I love how they explained why these two somewhat know one another. Shin's biases against people, and how easy it is for him to judge people just because he's rich. Neo pointed out necessary wake up calls for Shin.

OH I also want to talk about Ter's grandmother. OMFG HER SCENE WITH MAE WAS SO FUCKING SAD LIKE BRAAAAAH. I love that the included a scene like that instead of just Mae being sad.

It gave Ter more sides to what just the viewers see him as. I was honestly surprised when Ter brought her grandmother up for the first time but holy fuck the twist where they showed that Neo's seamstress and Ter's grandmother is just one person, that was such a good twist.

Another "high" of the series is how they easily made the villains more than just their villainy. They showed them as non homophobic and actually apologetic for rape? MEN LIKE THESE EXIST? WHAAAT?? But in a serious note, it was such a good way to view these villains in a different perspective, it diverted expectations that was so good it makes you pause and go huh a little.

Still of course that doesn't erase what hey did, specially Thana being a head for a prostitution ring and John being worse than Thana but ya know we take small mercies to the little goodness that they show.

Hmmm other than that I don't think there's stuff I can consider a high.

Let's talk about the lows.

First low part is Neo's characterization. I personally consider him as the most bland, and 1 dimension character out of all of them. Hell even Ter has more meat in his story than him.

Neo is just a sadboi who went out to the city to be a better him. He struggled, got people involved and stuff like that.

No time or scene has ever made me empathize with his situation. I know he had it rough, and I am sorry for that but other than that, nothing else made me care more about him.

Another low would be PP's character. Its a given since he's just a side character and an implied love interest but I wish I could've seen more of him with Shin. Their chemistry wasn't build up well so it could be a bit confusing at the end. Also I'm not sure if its the role that has to change or the actor, but Toptap definitely did not fit that character lmao.

Let's talk about the disgusting part.

I can only think of one situation where I will fully say its disgusting. and Y'all can fight me about it or whatever but I will never change my mind. And that is that drugged up scene sex between a gay man and a woman.

I did not get any clarification with Miw's sexuality, but Shin has explicitly said that he's gay and likes boys. He also said that he doesn't like girls when his friends teased him about going to a bar.

Miw and Shin kissed in the start but Shin stopped and asked her to tell his friends that they had sex.

WHAT PROOF DO YOU STILL NEED FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS MAN IS GAY.

and please don't say "well obviously he cares more about his feelings for Miw than her being a woman." you sound like a conversion therapy priest for fuck's sake.

AND THE FACT THAT THAT HAPPENED WHILE THEY ARE HIGH WITH SPECIAL BROWNIES? Fuck that. I skipped the shit out of that parts/episode because it was fucking disgusting.

They could've just made Neo the middle of the threesome, they could've just shown Neo and Shin, and then Neo and Miw. but nope.

ALSO if they wanna tell us that "here ya go Shin and Miw are now besties by having them have sex with one another" THEY LITERALLY COULD'VE NOT USED SEX AT ALL.

HELL CUDDLING WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER. THEM TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER UNDERSTANDING ONE ANOTHER. HELL THEY COULD EVEN WALK AT THE BEACH HOLDING HANDS. I DON'T FUCKING CARE JUST DON'T BRING SEX BETWEEN A GAY MAN AND A WOMAN WHAAAT.

AND PEOPLE JUST DON'T SEE THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH IT?

I'm so fucking angry.

I love the series, I love how well they show situations and the lessons behind it. But this series I will never repeat again just because of that one fucking mistake.

I love Miw, her character is amazing, but what the writers did for her and Shin is fucking unacceptable. If you want to show a fucking upgrade to their relationship, it could've been done countless other ways, but y'all are fucking lazy and just decided to have them fuck, WHILE HIGH.

fucking hell.

ANYWHO. That is all folks and tata.

[incarnateirony]

I get blends of innocent beans confused with what queer coding is or isn’t, and malignant beans misappropriating points, so we’re gonna do a quick run through.

Queer coding started as a malignant thing. The truest use of the phrase “queer coding” came from stereotypes and villainizations that straight people found sCaRy. This is like, why Scar seemed classically flamboiyant, or a variety of Disney villains were long, lanky, gestured exaggeratedly, wore eyeliner, etc. There’s a million examples but I’m not going to cover them all because I think you get what I mean. At the time, straight culture was painting gays as bad so painting villains as how straights perceived gays was like, super useful, cuz it creeped the straights out oOOoooOOo.

When people talk about queer coding enforcing stereotypes, if you’re talking about the original form of queer coding, this is inherently true. However, coding reached other levels, and has adaptive forms.

For example, watching (as I’ve been mocked for saying 10,000 times, but because it’s needed) The Celluloid Closet will clear up a lot for you. Subversive queer coding is when queer creators use a great deal of things to communicate with a queer audience past censorship. The film documentary (if you can’t read the book -- which I understand, it’s difficult to find) clears a whole fuckton of this up.

There’s some things that, quite frankly, we as gays know as part of our language. It is what it is. While it’s not a stereotype, it’s quite literally a language I highly warn straights against stepping into, because then they flounder around confused on what’s our actual language and what’s a stereotype

A truly innocent bean asked of me yesterday, well why then is menthols fair subversive queer coding? How is that not a stereotype?

Well like, because it’s facts. And that’s really, really hard to wrap ones’ head around from an outsider straighty perspective or even someone who’s queer but trapped heavily in a hetnorm world outside of where this is visible and/or in the wrong demographic otherwise. A black person who hangs out with black people of all orientations is not going to blink at a media dude getting menthols generally, because it’s one of the cultures that statistically engages in it to the point of memes about Kools or whatever. That’s not my culture, I can’t comment on much beyond that, but it’s just something to take note of.

But even if you don’t want to take someone’s word on “no, seriously, white dudes smoking menthols is queer culture and literally like a great sign for a hookup to another queer white dude”, google the various intersections of gender and menthol, race and menthol, and sexuality and menthol.

This isn’t pulled out of thin air. These were populations quite literally heavily targeted by Big Tobacco and, by nature, are the ones that smoke it, whereas Big Tobacco put(s) on airs of masculinity and chick-magnetness to smoke good ol non-menthol shit. It’s literally marketing. Yes, it does literally impact who buys product and yes, it does after generations have a noticeable affect. Track the numbers I told you to google down and you’ll realize less than 3% of menthol smokers identify as straight white men (depending on the way the numbers sort out and the year of polling, often 1.x%, 3% is the liberal number).. Lemme tell you, on the street, that’s an “okay, honey :)” when you do find it. Maybe a little pat on the head. An invisible brochure for Welcome To The Gays.  Like, White Men make up more than 31% of America and they still refuse to tally more than 25% of the US as queer [some censuses as low as 6% and LOL] so like-- that should be like minimum 25% of dudes available and nope, 1-3%)

(that’s not to say all gays or even all white gays smoke menthol, but this is that rule of “not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers” in loose application.)

But understanding these things, these signals, from the outside is utterly flabbergasting to people.

No, someone making an immasculating joke is not subversive queer coding. No, a dude wearing a certain kind of shirt or eating a certain kind of food generally isn’t queer coding (Unless it’s a rainbow flag BITCH IM GAY shirt, or uh, maybe for food quiche or hummus? I mostly joke for the latter two, but that’s the kind of self ball punching queer community sometimes does to itself in awareness that yes, there ARE elements. No, eating hot dogs and burritos isn’t gay. Yes, we make make penis jokes. No, that isn’t itself queer coding.)

When a queer author codes a piece, it’s designed to communicate to the resonant audience. It also may not communicate to /all/ gays. The language of a middle aged cis gay man that lived through the AIDS crisis is a whole other fuckin adventure from the language of 17 year old trans gays squatting behind their Xbox, it’s just fact, it’s just what is. Completely different cultures and lives being lived, completely different experiences resulting. A few things here or there may connect across generations but some shit that’s written by a gen Z gay is gonna whiff by a boomer gay, sorry. Also just facts.

Explaining exactly what is and isn’t queer coding is almost impossible beyond the fact that “if you don’t get it, it’s probably not for you.” -- At the same time, that leaves the problematic room of people taking that grey area and packing in a bunch of shit and we’re back to ground zero on the original problematic queer coding.

I once read a meta of uh-- I’ll just say, [Fantasy Character]. The fantasy character had an addiction problem that gave them villain-like attributes. Someone implied the “villain coding” made it queer coding. Okay like. Fucking absolutely not. Because if the show in question WAS doing that, first off, that’s literally the kind to make mockeries of gay people so you literally shouldn’t be reaching for that and second off they’d be doing that lanky sassy bitch with eyeliner bullshit like Disney villains with it, give or take. You don’t apply this shit in reverse, “he has villain attributes and so he’s gay” is literally the worst possible angle to take a discussion while trying to slap fight in a representation arena. Like I can’t say enough DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. 

If you wanna write fic or headcanon whoever as gay or whatever have fun but like once people keep trying to talk about “coding” you’re talking about conscious elements inset by the authors. Does a character have a bunch of on the record sexual encounters that just happen to include dudes persistently even if we don’t exactly get the exact angle or Proof Of Dicking? That’s gay (also depending on the phrasing, as settled in older stuff, that’s just deadass queer text and settled long before this fandom ever had pissing matches about this shit in older cinema.) Does the character happen to be respectful and use like gender neutral pronouns on people? Sorry folks that unto itself isn’t gay, that’s gays writing allies at best, unless you can give specific and directly applicable situations relevant to the character rather than eternally vague blogging through and swearing up and down it’s just about their partners or some shit. Yelling it in general though, sorry, no. 

Does the character engage in things or events with non-het gendered partners that in the very least are heavily coded into the areas of relationships even if they’re unclear (eg, do they routinely go out with non-family people and hold deep or meaningful conversations in things that LOOK like a date, even if nobody SAYS it’s a date) -- congrats, you have coded text. Alone it could even be queerplat stuff, depending on the suprastructure of the plot, text, subtext and everything else around it (same way, gasp, a man and a woman can sit at a table and not necessarily be in a relationship, but if they’re trading courting gifts and having unique and powerful exchanges or have big like, “the heart is the thing that binds us together uwu” shit, we all figure out what the fuck is going on like grown assed adults.)

It’s easier to list things that are NOT subversive queer coding:

Insults against gay people

Immasculating commentary

Random foods short of it deadass being a gay author making fun of some gay meme shit in some gay equivalent of ‘right in front of my salad’

Favorite colors or clothing

---

We got it? Good. Rule of thumb though. Deadass unless you are involved in some thick-ass queer culture don’t try to queer code shit. I don’t even care if you’re queer yourself because that doesn’t mean you’ve actually been subject to the culture in a meaningful way. There’s 30 year old bis that grew up in white picket fence suburbias on top of trust funds with hovercraft parents guiding them through 17 degrees and keeping them out of party culture that married a het-passing relationship and settled down and started having babies and their grasp of queer culture ends at what they perceive out of memes online, if they even hover in actual queer crowds online at all as much as general ones. That person literally is not going to speak much of the language. They aren’t. At best they’ll speak the language of 30 year old trust fund het-married bisexual mothers which, I mean yeah, technically some queer language but that’s a very, very fucking niche experience path right there compared to street-dwelling club-goers that attend pride, hold D&D parties with all their coworkers they figured out are gay on the weekend, occasionally brick a window in a riot. The latter is gonna have a far more diverse queer experience. And by such, a far more diverse queer language.

That’s not even to gatekeep. 30 year old trust fund het-passing-marriage bi-mom is in fact bi. So yeah, they’re queer. But we’re talking about language and culture, which is related to but not something you inherit. It comes by lives and experiences.

And I think this is where a LOT of the fucked up early Queer Coding fuckery comes from in discourse. Yes we have a language. Hell, to some extent a few things might even kinda BE stereotypes but there’s a certain amount of living and being where you know the difference between “this is a stereotype made by straight people villainizing us that has no idea what we’re fucking like” or “this is a stereotype born out of mass marketing that targeted and victimized then imprinted on an entire population that we’ve come to recognize among ourselves.” Or even “this is a stereotype but FUCK YES it’s one we embrace, go get fucked, straights.” And it’s not NEARLY as ambiguous as fandom circle jerks try to make these things out to be in the interest of wanting every interpretation to be valid or every character to be gay or not wanting to admit some person may know what the fuck they’re talking about more than they do. 

Huge point on that last one though, because like. I’ve seen some angry straights that are pissy about the show try to throw wrenches in the gears by concern trolling as if in defense of the gays about “offensive queer coding” and most of the time they’re basically that “how do you do fellow kids gays” meme. “How do you do gays I am very concerned about *checks notes* the twitters talking about gay men walking fast” and half the time turn around like two tweets later like “besides the character doesn’t even have a lisp anyway” or some bullshit that is outright offensive ass stereotyping while they’re out here trolling over the fact that a gay man admits to diva worship as a cultural trait.

General rule of thumb: ask a queer culture immersed gay about queer coding.

Shipping culture in the blue hellsite is not queer culture, for the record. Even if a bunch of queerfolk are in it.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

A very tired gay

[blackgirlnotes]

Faux Activism and Exclusionary Practices.

Before I even begin this week's text post, I have to make it abundantly clear: All Black Lives must matter to you if you are going to be an "activist" or a social justice warrior. That said, let's have a conversation about what and why this new wave of activism in the black community is not inclusive nor real.

1. OUTRAGE

The outrage over the unnecessary killings and highly preventable deaths of black men and women is one hundred percent real and warranted. However, as I have noticed in my personal social media timelines, many people are unknowingly (or purposefully) excluding the names of trans people and non-binary people. This is abhorrent and frankly disgusting. Black people exist in every facet of life: from being a cis-woman who has a loving husband to being a trans man who lives with his life gay, cis-partner. Every version of the black experience is valid and worthy of protection and acceptance. Women and LGBTQIA+ folx have a hard time already existing in a straight, white, male dominated world. Imagine tacking on the fact that they are black. Now they experience two to three different forms of discrimination for things they didn't decide nor have the ability to change. If you are outraged at the injustices inflicted upon our people for generations, then you MUST also include your gender non-conforming friends and their experiences as well. Do not practice and exclusionary version of "Black Lives Matter." At that point, you are a hypocrite and liar because you, yourself do not see the value in the non-traditional (for lack of a better term) black life.

2. SILENCE

For the first week of protests and surge of political dismantling, we saw the names of nearly every black man who had died as a result of unjust policing and a corrupt government. Rarely did we see popular activists or celebrities mention the names of Breonna Taylor, Sandra Bland, or Atatiana Jefferson. Rarely did we see the same outpour of grief and support for the women also impacted by the world we live in. Never, in that first week, did I see a video or post about how to help locate the thousands of lost black girls snatched from inner cities. Last time I checked, the human mind is capable of focusing on more than one tragedy at a time. To not share the same loudness when it comes to the plight of the black woman is to be silent. As we have learned over the last few weeks: silence is deafening. It doesn't surprise me that our people don't make nearly as much noise behind the oppression and destruction of the black woman. This is the same community that had a generation raises young girls to "dress appropriately when there are men in the house," you know...the house the men are VISITING and you are STAYING in. The same group of people who deem black women ghetto for having multiple partners and children from said partners but praises men because "it must be so hard taking care of all those kids...as a man." The same delegation of humans who will bash a darkskin woman in order to praise a lightskin or non-black woman. Let me digress. The treatment of black women is so ingrained in to our psyche that we, as women, catch ourselves subconsciously giving in to these misogynistic practices. When my step mother tells me I should cover up because I live in a house with men, when my job tells me the uncomfortable advances from male customers is normal and I should just ignore it, or when the first lady of my church deems my knee length skirt too short simply because the old, perverted men in the sanctuary can't stop staring. It is done from a place of "protection" in their eyes but it stems from something deeper. To destroy the black woman is to destroy the black man, essentially. Every black man comes from a black woman. Before you try arguing in terms of "mixed kids with white mothers," learn basic genetics: the mixed boy with a black dad and white mom has a black grandma. His father's mother, and her mother and so forth, are all black. Do not be silent when Black women are oppressed, slain and abused. Be as loud as you are when George and Trayvon were taken from us. Be as loud as you are when your sport's team loses. Do not allow the black woman's life to be lost without at least trying to protect it.

3. PETITIONS AND DONATIONS

Yes, signing your name on petitions and opening your purse to the many sites created to help protesters is a great way to help make change but it isn't the only way nor is it the most effective. Stop bashing people who do not see the value in signing an online petition amd start suggesting other ways to be active in this fight. Organize something in your neighborhood, attend a protest, help localize the situations going on if none of the tragedies apply to your town. Educate yourself and a friend. There are many other ways to protest and be active in the community other than donating money you may not have or signing a petition because twitter user funyunslover48 told you to. This is a direct message to those demonizing others for not signing petitions online or donating online. Its not the end of the world if the petition with 400,000 signatures doesn't get signed by Sandy because Sandy has signed ten other ones today and doesn't feel like she has to sign another. I will say, as a counter, if you haven't signed at least one petition or donated anywhere of you could, then you are definitely not helping and you need to find some links and sign some ink. Period.

4. ORGANIZING

My only statement for this is to look at living, civil rights activist. Revisit history a bit and do what you can to try and rally our people together as a whole. We need, as a collective, to have leaders in the community who are bringing us together from all sides. Paris, London, Tokyo, and parts of New Zealand have all had BLM protests in accordance with the ones happening in every state in America. We must unite ourselves somehow so that the true message of what we're fighting for, globally, is not lost nor is it misconstrued. This is my only suggestion for this section.

In all, the practices that have been going on for the last two weeks have been positive and good mostly. However, there is always room for improvement and there needs to be room for those who we have been constantly ostracizing. Now is the time for black people of all sexualities, genders, ages, and backgrounds to come together and fight for ourselves. We cannot say that our lives matter if we exclude our women and LGBTQIA+ family. We are united by our shared experiences and culture, please do not let who someone shares a bed with at night deter you from that fact.

Here is a list of black-led LGBT organizations that you can glean information from or donate to (list curated by Eugene Lee Yang of the Try Guys):

TGI Justice Project

The Okra Project

Anti-Violence Project

SNaPCO

Black Trans Travel Fund

The Transgender District

Black Aids Institute

Marsha P. Johnson Institute

Brave Space Alliance

Voix Noire

- nellmaria

(please excues any typos. this has yet to be edited.)

[molsno]

I’m skipping the middleman on that trans ask game and just answering all the questions myself <3

this is long so it’s under a read more

1. How did you choose your name?

in senior year of high school, while I was in french class, I was thinking about the word vivre, to live, and how it conjugated. I forget what tense it is, but one way of conjugating it is “nous vivions”, and it dawned on me that the name vivian is based on the word vivre (or its latin origin). of course, I already liked the name due to the character from paper mario ttyd, but knowing that it means life really spoke to me, as I think the ability to live is a precious thing that shouldn’t be wasted. I decided pretty much then and there that I would name my daughter vivian some day. well... then I got the chance to play a character in my friend’s danganronpa killing game, and I thought playing a girl would be interesting. granted, I also already knew I was an egg and saw this as an opportunity to try out my favorite name, so I created vivian tamochi. as you might have guessed, I loved being her so much that I made vivian my actual name

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

um, hearing recordings of my own voice probably. I always think that I sound very feminine but then I hear a recording of myself and it sounds like a bad impression

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

more social I guess? actually yeah I think all of the dysphoria-induced breakdowns I’ve had have been because of social things

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

something that helps a lot is shaving, especially when it’s a fullbody shave

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

this is a bit embarrassing but it was honestly christmas eve 2018. I saw my little cousin (I think she was 8 at the time) wearing a pretty dress and I felt sort of jealous that I never got to do that when I was her age. I was so confused about this feeling that I told my trans friend kyra about it and after asking me to clarify what I meant she linked me to the egg_irl subreddit. that was the first time I seriously considered it

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

I told my friend amanda how I’d been confused about my gender and she offered to take me to goodwill to try on some clothes. I was extremely nervous about it while we were there and I really had to work up the courage to not only pick out some clothes to try, but also take them to the fitting room with me. but once I put on a skirt for the first time I stood there for like a solid 5 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror with the biggest happiest smile on my face. in that moment I finally understood what gender euphoria was. I couldn’t deny I was trans any longer, it was just a matter of working up the courage to tell people

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

um, probably that I feel like a person now. also the little things, like seeing my hips get bigger or looking at how long my hair has gotten. just little things to smile about!

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

um, I’m girl <3

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I mean it depends on who, but I decided to do it on national coming out day 2019, in my discord server with friends. basically I commented on it being national coming out day and reposted my intro in the introductions channel with my new name and pronouns. everyone there sorta saw it coming I’m pretty sure

10. What have your experiences been with packing or tucking?

I’ve tucked a few times in public. it’s uncomfortable for sure, but not terrible once you get used to it. the idea of it made me squeamish at first, I’ll admit. but since I haven’t had much excuse to go out in girlmode the past year or so, I haven’t tucked much

11. What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

the closest I’ve ever gotten to wearing breast forms is wearing a bra every day for..... almost a year now? it doesn’t serve much purpose other than letting me feel something there, though that is changing since I’ve been on hrt for several months

12. Do you pass?

I mean... probably not? I feel like I’m very visibly trans. there have been like two times where I’ve been gendered correctly in public (one in girlmode, one not) but those are extremely rare

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

well I’ve been on hrt for 8 months now so that’s one thing. I want to get laser hair removal for my facial hair because that’s one of the biggest sources of dysphoria for me, but yknow. that’s expensive! according to my understanding my insurance supposedly should cover bottom surgery, but I’m honestly in no rush to get that. I don’t really have much bottom dysphoria, but it would be nice to get surgery some day

14. How long have you been out?

it’s been about a year and two months now...... time flies

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

up until I was like 17 I was incredibly insistent on being cis and straight despite very obvious (in retrospect) signs to the contrary. around 18 I was very confused why all my friends were lgbt in some form and also I kinda started realizing I don’t mind dick, and I thought it would all make sense if I was bi. I identified as cis and bi for like 4 years or so but the longer it went on the more wrong it felt considering I had never once during that time been attracted to a man

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

surprisingly not really? the most transphobia I’ve experienced has been a result of automated processes like proctored testing or emails. of course, I’ve seen all the nasty shit that terfs say about people like me, but I’ve never been a victim of it directly

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

if there is a universal restroom that I can lock from inside then I use that. if not, I sigh dramatically and sadly use the men’s room

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

truthfully I don’t know. my mom seems accepting enough, but with the pandemic going on I haven’t talked to her much. I know my sister is aware, and shockingly she seems supportive too, but we haven’t talked about it in depth

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

if I could go stealth I would. I’m sorry but I don’t want to be visibly trans

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

the sooner you start transitioning the happier you’ll be. by denying this part of yourself you’re just making yourself miserable

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

she/her makes me happiest. I’ve (against my will, mind you) used they/them and been called molsno in a group that I wasn’t out in, and..... it made me feel..... distant, I guess? it was better than he/him, but it felt much less personal

22. Do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

I mean...... yeah? as a trans lesbian it’s very easy for me to hate masculinity given how it’s instilled nothing but negative feelings in me literally my entire life, and being autistic makes it harder to understand how the things I say about gender negatively impact the people around me

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

the fear that I may never be able to believe I can be loved as a woman, probably

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

coming out nearly everywhere and getting on hrt!

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I desperately wish cis people understood even the basics of trans issues. still to this day many cis people don’t even know the right terminology to use for trans people. they think “trans man” and “trans woman” mean the opposite of what they actually mean and that’s just so goddamn frustrating. many of them think transitioning is just bottom surgery and that’s it. like, they don’t know anything about hrt. cis people please educate yourselves on trans issues I’m begging you

26. What impact has being trans had on your life?

it’s affected many aspects of my life but I think the biggest one is that I feel like a person now. I always felt like a robot, or like someone putting on a performance before, but I feel like a human being now

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

ummm... not much really. I guess one thing that has helped is making my character astrid trans? because if I ever think something bad about myself I can stop myself and ask if I would think the same thing about her, and of course the answer is no.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

it’s bad. trans women very rarely get any positive representation. like the only transfem characters that come to mind that I think were handled well were lily hoshikawa from zombieland saga and vivian from paper mario (although even that’s debatable given the english censorship about her gender and the way beldam abuses her in japanese). meanwhile nonbinary representation consists almost exclusively of aliens, shapeshifters, robots, etc. and trans men get literally nothing. like. trans representation is just so abysmal it’s not even funny

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

umm....... I don’t really care about celebrities lol. if I were to answer this question it would be “oh yes I’ve heard of these people”

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

gosh, how could I ever decide? most of my friends are trans so it’s hard to say but if I had to answer.... my friends kyra and modeus were probably the most helpful when I was figuring myself out

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

mostly online

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I’ll almost certainly still be a woman, and hopefully my transition will have gone well enough that I’ll be able to pass

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

healthcare. the difficulty so many people face with getting access to trans healthcare is ridiculous and discriminatory. I’ve written essays for school about this topic and they were the easiest essays I’ve had to write because of how passionate I am about this

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

pick your head up queen/king/royal, your cat ears are falling down

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

well I’m white, able bodied, average weight, and I’m about to get a degree in computer science, so I have a lot of privilege that other trans people don’t have. I fully recognize that. it breaks my heart that so many less privileged trans people, particularly trans women of color, are murdered and never even get the justice they deserve. I wish there was more I could do to stop it, but privileged as I am, I’m only one person. I want everyone to be aware of who the major victims of transphobia are. look out for black trans women especially, they need your protection and support most of all

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

not much. I’m a woman with a very feminine gender expression, when I’m free to be. the biggest feminine thing that I don’t do is makeup, but that’s more due to dysphoria rather than a distaste for it

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

feminine uwu

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I am a lesbian and that is very epic of me. I love girls and seeing girls in love makes me happy and imagining myself as a girl in love with another girl makes me even happier

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I always hate admitting this, but due to personal reasons, my ideal partner is cis. this is mostly because I very much want to have biological children, and that’s simply not possible with another trans woman. I wouldn’t rule out an afab nonbinary person entirely, it just really depends on how comfortable said person is with femininity and also how they feel about dating a lesbian. if not for my desire to have kids (which is not something I’m willing to compromise on since it has been my lifelong dream) I would have a lot more options. truth be told, cis women kind of scare me, and it would be so much easier to date someone who fundamentally understands what it’s like to be trans. but biology is cruel unfortunately

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was incredibly difficult. thankfully, it didn’t last very long. I only had to wait about 6 months, and most of that time was spent waiting until I was able to bank sperm because I didn’t want to risk becoming permanently infertile after starting hrt

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

ngl...... reddit. the trans boards have many, many helpful resources for transfem people. I don’t really go there anymore but it was immensely helpful in the early stages

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I mean..... yeah, but not very much anymore on account of the pandemic. I made a few trans friends junior year of college and we still talk occasionally, but it’s been several months since I last saw them all

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

not really 😔

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

“Wow Vivi how come you’re so epic?”

I was born this way <3

[likeabxrdinflight]

so I sped through all five episodes of it’s a sin because of course I did, weekends are so boring these days.

seriously I’m so tired of this fucking pandemic

anyways. I have a lot of thoughts on this show, which is set in London during the AIDS epidemic, because it...it’s heavy. it’s an incredibly heavy show with heavy source material. but I think it’s important because it’s one of the few things about AIDS that I’ve seen actually created by a queer person (Russell T Davies, who would have been a young man himself during the epidemic.) For that reason, it doesn’t feel like tragedy porn marketed at straight people, it feels like it’s for us. 

but to be clear, it is a tragedy. several supporting cast and two of the five main cast is dead by the end. and we can talk about how that fits into the “bury your gays,” trope but I don’t really think this counts. there are five lead characters, and one of them is a token (probably straight?) woman- two of the boys die at the end, and two survive. several other supporting characters die, but several others live, too. so I think when all is said and done the ratio of dead gays to living gays is actually pretty even. and it’s a story about a real thing that killed real gay people, so... I think it’s exempt from criticism on those grounds.

but it’s not perfect.

my biggest criticism is actually how it treats women. for a show brimming with queerness, there’s not a single confirmed lesbian (though there are some background characters that are...implied). there are no confirmed trans women either (some characters seem ambiguously trans but it’s never stated), despite them being just as at risk of AIDS as gay men. most of the prominent female characters are either the gay boys’ moms (decent mix of homophobic and accepting), or Jill, who is an absolute angel but has very little character outside of being the “straight best friend.” she has no real character arc of her own, and mostly just exists to take care of all her gay friends as they get sick and die. 

this show also sorta plays into the stereotype that AIDS was a gay man’s disease. It made sense to play with that early in the timeline, when that was what everyone thought, but even as the show gets into the late 80s/early 90s, when we knew it wasn’t just spread by gay men, the show never really talks about the people who caught it from drug use, or blood transfusions, or unsafe heterosexual sex, and god forbid it ever mention a woman dying from AIDS. yes AIDS disproportionately affected gay men and trans women, and it triggered an absolutely abominable amount of homophobia, but...it is absolutely critical to state that AIDS is not a gay disease, it did not only affect gay men, and it is still killing people of all genders and sexualities to this day. that part of the story is pretty ignored by this show, and is barely even paid lip service to. I understand if the goal was to focus on the impact the epidemic had on the queer community, but by barely mentioning other victims it’s sort of perpetuating this myth accidentally. And I don’t think that’s okay. 

Now, the other thing I want to talk about is Ritchie. Ritchie is our lead, and genuinely a likable character. But he does something I imagine a lot of gay men did at the time- he ignores AIDS. This is forgivable and even understandable at first. But he ignores AIDS for much, much longer than is excusable. See Ritchie has a partner whom he sleeps with (without protection), and then in the morning Ritchie notices a Kaposi’s sarcoma on his partner’s back. By this point, he’s perfectly aware of what that means- his partner has AIDS, and Ritchie is now very likely to have been infected too. He knows this, but out of fear he fails to get tested. Even this is understandable- but what’s not is that he continues going around and sleeping with other men. Ritchie does reckon with this later on in the story, when he’s dying- but the show makes it clear that he’s almost certainly killed people with his actions. There’s also the issue of consent here too- those men probably wouldn’t have consented to sex with Ritchie if they knew he was HIV positive. That’s an important part of sexual consent today- it probably wasn’t as talked about then- but that doesn’t make it right, and Ritchie must know that.

All this by itself isn’t really the problem. Characters are allowed to be flawed, and people do incredibly stupid, awful things when they’re scared and in denial- just look outside at every idiot in Target not wearing a mask. But that’s the thing- that’s exactly what it feels like to the audience. And it’s so hard to feel sympathetic towards Ritchie. A year ago, that might not have been the case- but we live in a society where covid exists and it impossible to ignore the parallels between Ritchie, who knows damn well that unprotected sex is dangerous and that he’s probably infectious, and people who refuse to wear masks and take basic covid safety precautions. And I have spent an entire year of my life being absolutely furious with those people. So that’s a problem.

And to be fair, the show fully acknowledges it’s a problem. it’s just much harder to swallow that part of the story in 2021 than it might have been in 2019. 

Those are my major issues, there’s probably other things to nitpick that I’ve forgotten, but overall I did really like it and I think it’s probably something other queer people should consider giving a watch. This is our history and our legacy and we really do owe it to the people who didn’t survive to not forget what they went through. There’s some really great stuff in this about the activism people did and just how the outbreak affected the queer community. It felt very real and honest, and that’s probably because a gay man created the show. Also, found family trope (albeit several of them die). 

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

My reactions to She-ra’s season 5 (mostly Catra and Catdora crap)

Alright, Catra’s still on team bad guy. Yay character development

Why are they getting along??? She killed her Ma!!!

Glimmer you’re better than this

What’s with this no magic in space bull crap?! Last time she didn’t recharge in time she passed out, shouldn’t she be in a coma by now?!

Great, it’s Darth Vader’s redemption all over again...

Entrapta I love you

SPACE BAT REMEMBERS SCIENCE WIFE!!!!

Oh great, the mind control trope that has lost all meaning where the villain says “your best friend is my best friend now!! Mwuhahaha!!” Get out of here with the kindergarten crap, this show is too mature for that

Hello trans character and associates, see you never when the writers forget you at least or use you in the background at best!!!

What happened.... I thought you got passed the “I need to fix everything” phase Adora.... please just have someone else pull the weight of this war

Oh, Bows dads are here...

Glimmers aunt is still annoying apparently

Oh great, Catra’s still an ass to everyone

Entrapta, Catra can do a much better apology for sending you to die

Space cat that adds nothing important to the plot

There was a war for the planet??????? Why are we just now hearing about this????

Okay, all the first ones are dead. Sorry he man and Kyle theorists, no more of them

Why did they cut her hair it looks ugly

STOP WITH THE WORTHLESS FILLER, WE HAVE AN INTERGALACTIC TYRANT TO OVERTHROW PEOPLE

So the whole episode was worthless and got rid of my favorite princess?? Cool cool, kf you don’t mind I’ll just -AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!-

There is obvious something wrong with the moth people, leave there you idiot horse

Why is the heart of eithera so underwhelming?? It was a super weapon to destroy the world but it’s just the power of friendship now

How the hell would a tree orbiting the planet work, it would just die. There is no real impact there

So wrong hordak got more screen time then our developed hordak, okay 👌

Yay....the big kiss between an abused and her victim.....truly an iconic scene

Micha.... honey..... I love you but please

Shadow Weaver is dead, that’s it

Why does hordak walk around perfectly without his prosthetic??? No way in hell did Prime fix him, he would’ve done so before, so what gives???

“So, are we okay with this or...?” Mermista, the woman who destroyed your kingdom is dating Adora, you have no right to say that to them

When did she-ra go My little pony on me???

Angella is just dead, only one line about her and nothing else here....

Why couldn’t Prime have some sort of backstory??? We hardly know a thing about him yet we know everything about everyone else

And She-ra’s look went from a 13 to a 2, thanks artists.

They’re gonna bring magic back to the universe, have fun wasting your lives traveling that far. I’m sure all those planets aren’t too dead to have any form of life on it or have space pirates that will kill you on instinct.

The only relationship in the show that had good build up, good characters, good chemistry, and was believability stable was the straight one with a deformed alien and his science wife. Great job people

-repeatedly slamming my head into my mattress- WHY. IS, THIS. SHIP. SO WELL. LIKED???!,!?!!

I stayed up till 3 o’clock in the morning to watch this and this is what I see???

Thank god I have avatar to fall back on

-rants on tumblr and gets 25 more followers- holy- I’m not alone here, thank god