#like i told my then partner about it and they kinda just didnt say anything? like didnt even acknowledge that it was something i said

[postmodernlover]

.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "unknowingly" cheating on my girlfriend?

🤍🍇 so i recognize post

preface: yes i am, theres no excuse, i just want to hear more ppl's thought because different ppl in my life have very different opinions on this??? even though i think cheating is cut and dry?

earlier this year, i (20nb, tho i was 19 at the time) was in a purely monogamous relationship with my ex (19f). there were ups and downs, i had some issues that i really shouldve talked to her about, but overall it was the best experience. id never dated anybody before. she's the only person who ive ever loved in that way. i think shes the best person, funny, smart. i was really lucky to have her.

i have another friend, who i'll call H (21f), who has been my friend for years. we're really close, and we've shared a lot with each other. i also love her deeply, though in a different, entirely platonic way. she has told me that she loves me, and has loved me in romantic ways, even though i've never reciprocated (im fine with that, everyone in my main friend group is a little bit polyamorous).

there were two main incidents that happened between me and H. the first, i didnt really understand what was going on or that it was entirely wrong. we were cuddling, which i do with all of my friends, and she started getting really into it and getting on top of me. she asked if she could kiss me (on the lips) and i said no, partly because, well, i had a monogamous partner, and partly because i hate kissing on the lips. i probably shouldve entirely cut it off at that moment. my only excuse (which is pretty flimsy) is that, im kinda aroace so physical affection and the difference between platonic and romantic have always left me a little confused. i kinda thought this was normal, especially because H is polyamorous and in several relationships that heavily blur the lines between platonic and romantic.

then, about two weeks after that, H and i hung out again, but this time we were smoking marijuana. weed makes me highly suggestible and also incapable of remembering anything past about five seconds. not that im blaming the drugs, just describing the situation. basically, H and i were cuddling again when she decided to move on top of me and got flirty, with a lot of touching sensitive places for the purpose of getting a reaction (all above the belt). i went along with this because i respect H, ive known her for a long time, and i didnt want to say no to her. again, not an excuse, because she didnt force me to do it.

in the moment, i didnt think this was cheating. we werent doing anything explicitly sexual, we weren't making out, but we were definitely frisky and i know H was horny at the time. a couple hours later, when i sobered up, i suddenly realized what we had done and asked H if i had just cheated on my girlfriend. she also seemed to realize what had just happened and we agreed that i had cheated, that it was entirely wrong, and we should never do it again.

i decided to tell my ex about this immediately, because i thought she should know. i asked if she was in a position to hear bad news, and when she was, i was completely honest. she obviously didnt take it well, mentioning how she felt like she could never trust me again despite being the person she trusted most in the world. she loved me but this was unacceptable and a huge violation. i agreed, and after a bit of thinking, i told her that i thought we should break up. i had terrible guilt about what i'd done and assumed that we'd never recover, and it didnt seem like she could pull the plug, so i did.

she proceeded to get even more mad at me because of this, which in hindsight is completely understandable. from her perspective, i had just dropped two emotional bombs on her, and maybe i was implying that i liked H more than her. i wasnt, and i dont, but i know why it came across that way.

my other friends agreed with me that i shouldve broken up with her after that. in hindsight, i dont know if it was the right choice. i miss her dearly and wish i had worked more on the relationship.

we've since talked about it. i told her that i still loved her (bc i do, very deeply, and i dont know if i'll ever get over her) but said that i dont expect anything, dont expect a relationship, etc. she was okay with this because, in her words, she trusts me to not make it a big deal or awkward. we hang out frequently now, we watch anime together, and we get along well as friends. i feel so lucky that she is willing to spend time with me, that she still enjoys my company even a little bit.

the confusing part is that i told my dad about this and he basically said, "you were 19yo in a long distance, online-only relationship. this was inevitable and you shouldnt feel too bad about it. it was wrong but not the worst thing ever." i dont really agree with that, because it was a pretty serious relationship despite being online. we even met up at a convention and spent several nights together in a hotel. it was the happiest weekend of my life. i thought i could marry her maybe someday. and i dont think being 19yo justifies it. 13yo maybe, but i was old enough to know right from wrong, even if my knowledge about romantic and sexual relationships was underdeveloped.

basically, im looking for nuanced opinions. i fully expect the results to be YTA. im hoping ppl can give me any sort of insight in the comments.

PS: H is partially to blame bc she knew i was in a monogamous relationship but please dont hate on her too much in the comments, we've had a lot of talks about this and what happened drastically changed the way the both of us see relationships and each other. basically, she learned her lesson and she was never trying to be a bitch or a homewrecker. i know her well enough to know shes a good person at heart. she's also not on tumblr to see any of your comments. direct all of you criticism towards me, please.

What are these acronyms?

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[lunar-serpentinite]

assorted hjp headcanons

he takes to guitars like a bird to the sky. acoustic, bass, electric, you name it, he'd slay it

he eventually finds a way to force kreacher into retirement, but still lets the house elf have absolutely free reign in the former bedrooms of his beloved departed masters

harry has this habit of just picking up all the even mildly pathetic/helpless strays he finds on the streets and ends up raising them. 12 grimmauld place looks a lot like a menagerie now, and he kinda likes it

he went to luna for help on how to take care of his newfound animal roommates and thats how he befriended luna's then-penpal-turned-bf rolf scamander

eventually he moves to a quaint little cottage right outside of godrics hollow to be closer to his parents' final resting place. it's heavily warded, fidelius'd, and nobody except for ron, hermione and luna know the address

he never really did like living in a gated community / suburban neighbourhood, it reminded him too much of privet drive

the first time someone mocked him by calling him freak, harry blacked out a bit and the next thing he knew he was standing over a decently beat-up person

creatures associated w death like corvids, moths and the like are weirdly attracted to him. hell, he even found a whole vulture in his backyard once

harry is pretty apathetic about the notion of his own death post-battle of hogwarts. he told luna once that it felt like he was just idly waiting by for death to come by again

differences aside, he and pansy (my characterisation of her anyways) wld bond over being nosy, gossipy little shits

he would've said yes if cedric and cho invited him into their relationship lmao

i dont think hes necessarily a naturally jealous/possessive person. he just doesn't know how to properly have a grip on himself if the few scant ppl and stuff that he considers his are in danger of being taken away from him, born from trauma from the dursleys ofc. make him feel secure enough and he'd be chill

hes kinda shit at potions especially without proper instructions and motivation because he learned how to cook first, and potions deals w exact measurements while cooking is just measure based on vibes

he would make an excellent beekeeper. idk but he just gives me that vibe

harry's vibe checks are rarely wrong but he doesn't say anything abt em anymore bc hes used to ppl automatically assuming that hes a liar

"harry, why didnt u tell us" "you didnt ask. and if u did ask, youd probably assume im lying"

hes a bit of a hoarder lmao he has a small room in his new cottage thats just filled w his trinkets

he has absolutely no qualms in lying to everyone's faces if he thinks he's justified based on his own criteria of justice

he cant dance those fancy formal dances but at some point he will discover that he likes other types of dancing, just not in front of other people

harry would abuse the FUCK out of slang so he can say as little words as possible. his convo partner is confused but he also doesnt like them ? theyre a grownup with access to books, they can figure it out by themselves

[irldiancie]

All Kagehina “proof” I know of

Ok i wasnt gonna post this but ive been told by a friend to explain why some might ship Kagehina so... try me. i dont exactly ship this myself but lets just say im a pro when it comes to this topic also it's not as bad as i thought it was there are worse ships idk why i was a hater also i lowkey got some of this from shipping wiki but most of it i knew already, plus NOT ALL OF THIS IS NECESSARILY REFERENCES TO THE SHIP it kinda just adds on to it anyways lets just get into it

ok so starting with common knowledge i think everyone knows that Hinata is the protagonist followed with Kageyama being the deuteragonist, they get the most screen time together and are pretty much paired MOST of the series, we get a lot of content with them together while also getting content of them on their own, they're known as the "freak duo," the "greatest teammates" and like 100 other names they've been called I've seen a lot of people intemperate their relationship wrong, I've seen a few say Kageyama was downright "abusive" to Hinata which I think is a little farfetched, but to each their own! They genuinely do care for each other and it shows, even at the end of the manga you can tell how far their relationship has come, even if they consider themselves rivals, they are without a doubt still friends Now a lot of people have said "well they're not gay they're just friends", while this is true, it has been referenced/implied officially in many places, including manga panels and english dubs, so while it isn't canon there is a few cute things about it which we know are official which is why I'm sharing this, I myself know it isn't canon, plus I didn't really make this to prove anything it was kinda for fun sorry if that made little to no sense but I'll start getting into more interesting stuff 1. at the tip of the iceberg we have the fact they're in so much official art together

theres like a 1000 more of these btw theyre often put near eachother even in official arts not based off them

I have like 1k more of these but i have more proof than this but i think you get my point some of this is probably promo art but that's also considered official art so 2. moving on i think another known one is that Ukai calls them lovebirds ONE TIME in English dub and I have no idea who approved that but I think it's funny and obviously this probably meant nothing but take it as you want video of it here 3. this is kinda randomly thrown in but the fact that they also trust eachother, they've mentioned it a couple times but I think it's nice to know 4. i dont remember when this was or what chapter or something but kageyamas grandfather said "somebody even better will come for you", which just happened to be Hinata of course 5. ALSO after that whole fight scene back in season two, Hinata says this

he didnt really consider kageyama as a friend, but he considered him a partner which i believe is more important to hinata. teammates/partners were always something Hinata wanted, as before he went to Karasuno, he didn't feel like his friends in Junior high were necessarily teammates. Meaning he valued Kageyama more because he was his partner.

(credits to triananero for these images) and when him and Kageyama started working together, they most definitely were perfect together, as they balanced each-other out, which made them become an unstoppable duo or whatever they called them 6. the fact that they have matching jersey numbers 9 and 10 moving on to less canon stuff, there is a light novel of Haikyuu called Haikyū!! Shōsetsuban!! which probably isnt close to canon but Furudate was a part of it even though it wasn't written by him, so it's at least somewhat official 7. anyway according to shipping wiki there is a chapter where Kageyama feels "fluttery feelings at the bottom of his stomach" when Hinata texts him, it's on volume 8 chapter 1, I REALLY WANTED TO SHOW YOU GUYS BUT I COULDNT FIND IT ANYWHERE ONLINE. i searched countless tumblr posts and websites but i could only find chapter five and chapter three so im fully convinced this is lost media LMAOOOO 8. also in Haikyū!! Shōsetsuban!! apparently there's a part where Hinata daydreams about him and Kageyama eating under cherry blossom trees i just found that cute AS MUCH AS I WANNA SHOW YOU GUYS I LITERALLY CANNOT FIND ANYTHING OF THIS LIGHT NOVEL ANYWHERE i just know it's real, if I ever get my hands on it which I doubt, I'll share proof it exists btw AND THIS IS REALLY RANDOM AND SOMEONE WANTED ME TO INCLUDE THIS BUT 9. Basically there was a ad for deodorant a couple years back, collabing with Haikyuu, where you could buy deodorants to “smell like them” or whatever, some shippers believe it’s a Kagehina reference as they also advertised Kageyama and Hinatas scents together as some like matching couple thing

and then there's this

And I think I've said enough, there's way more you can find out about this ship, but I hope with this post you've learned something new or whatever... I MIGHT MAKE THIS A SERIES should i do kenhina next or kuroken ANYWAYS DISCLAIMER I didnt look too much into most of these things but I can gaurentee this stuff is true also this was just for fun and not serious but i hope you liked my little post!

[hauerhoetime]

@hauerhoetime 👋 could you PLEASE some soft billy headcanons, like:

Cuddling

Patching him up after a fight

Surprising him by coming to a basketball game

Helping him after he has been flayed

AHHHH omg you are my first request and you do not understand how excited and grateful I am!! I told all my friends and have been thinking about it since I got it :) Thank you so much I truly appreciate it!! I do have to say though I really struggled with the helping him after he got flayed part so I didnt include headcanons for that I'm sorry :( but I hope you still enjoy the rest of it!!

Headcanons

Billy Hargrove x reader

Summary: wholesome headcanons of patching Billy up, cuddling with him, and surprising him at his basketball game :)

CUDDLING

- At the start of the relationship Billy would only be the big spoon because he felt like it made him seem stronger

- Later on however he loves being held.

- Tbh though I dont think hes a big fan of spooning in general I think hes more of a laying on top of you with his head on your chest/stomach with his arms wrapped around you kinda guy prove me wrong.

- Lives for your hands playing with his hair during cuddles. Will never ask for it or admit it but you can feel him literally melt into you the moment your fingers touch his scalp.

PATCHING HIM UP

- Ok I have a very specific idea for the first time you patch him up but that I can make a one shot later if yall want 👀👀 just gotta let me know.

- Anywho this man would just show up on your doorstep or outside your window with a black eye and a busted lip.

- He wont talk about it but he just wanted to be around you he doesn't even expect you to patch him up.

- The moment you take him in and pull him to the bathroom to clean his wounds he knows he loves you.

- He probably knew or at least had an inclination that he was falling in love before this moment but as he watches you fumble through the medicine cabinet trying to find something to help he knows that he doesn't want anything more than to spend his life with you.

- Youd sit him on the closed toilet seat and stand in between his legs. Your hand is carefully holding his cheek or grabbing his chin in order to hold him in place.

- His hands are on your hips or the back of your thighs the entire time.

- This fool has heart eyes looking up at you. Hes not smiling but he is looking at your eyes the entire time watching them run across his wounds trying to clean them as carefully as you could.

- After you finished patching him up hed throw a "thanks sweetheart" at you and kiss your forehead with less force than he normally would (mostly because he knew that if he made his lip bleed again youd scold him and he just wanted to be in your arms right now)

SHOWING UP AT HIS GAME

- Youd sneak through the door and sit in the middle of the stands.

- Once he was on the court youd yell out something like "You got this Billy!!" or even just a "Wooo Billy!!"

- He would whip his head towards the stands and the moment his eyes land on you he gets the biggest smile on his face.

- His smile stays for the rest of the game and after every point he scores he looks to you for your approval.

- In the stands you have a matching smile and occasionally you find yourself jumping up and down in celebration and pride.

- After the game you run down to the court and he watches you the entire time.

- Once you get close he opens his arms for you to run right in. He holds you close as you tell him just how proud you are.

- He thanks you for coming and hes just so happy to have a partner that comes to support him.

- Once hes showered and changed he takes you out to dinner. Nothing fancy just a quick dinner and after he drives you home.

- The entire time at dinner hes holding your hand and in the car he hes holding your hand in your lap.

[verymiraclestrawberry]

VBS With an s/o that is K-pop idol and hides it from them since they don't like people knowing them just for being K-pop idol

YUSSIR

KOHANE Loves dancing and singing w u Even if before she knew u were a professional she was AMAZED begged u to practice and teach her I can totally see her already knowing abt u tho shes canonically a wxs fan and im pretty sure mmj too so she mightve already known if she didnt though, she already saw you as an idol EVEN MORE AMAZED WHEN SHE FINDS OUT SHES UR #1 FAN FR AT ALL UR SHOWS

SCRRAMING

HAS ALL UR MERCH

at first was shy on twt but now she is a keyboard WARRIOR in defending you AN when she learns u can dance + sing she fr challenges you to a 2018 gacha life singing battle im sorry but you probably cook her LMAOOA love u an but if ur a fr kpop idol that training is INTENSE she is also amazed

shes like DAMN lowkey finds it hot ??

honestly not too phased when she finds out

"oh ! thats sick !" doesnt see you as any different <3 WANTS TO COLLAB FOR SURE THO AKITO i like to imagine he had NO idea until ena saw u and freaked out i feel like hes listened to ur music and been like "awwww this kinda reminds me of them 🥰" BUT HIS DUMBASS WAS TOO LAZY TO RESEARCH THE MEMBERS u almost shit urself the first time u caught him casually listening to ur group JUST FOR HIM TO HAVE NO CLUEEEEE its only when he first invites you over and ena SCREAMS. hes like "yo why do u want a pic with MY partner" GETTING JEALOUS LMAOAOOA ena just about beat the dogshit out of him he absolutely understands when u explain why u didnt say anything if someone bothers u about it he gets jealous serious and gets u out of there

18 alt accounts to defend u TOUYA he would never find out if you dont tell him bro  😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 oh you can sing and dance at an INSANE level ?  👍 always stopped in public ?  👍 busy, intense schedules and training ?  👍 IDK HE JUST DOESNT THINK TO QUESTION IT hes kinda sad when he does find out thought you wouldve told him that but honestly he gets it he also wants to be known as more than a classical musician helps show ur true personality

[neuvistar]

MARYSE IM SONASORRY BUT MINOR SPOILERS IN THE BLUE LOCK MANGA !!

there was this one momeny where isagi was abt to be kicked by a particular guy and then he was kinda saved by chigiri, and bachira came n started cracking his knuckles n he was probs abt to beef w the dude cuzzz 😍😍 like he was like “if you wanna go, i’m down” LIKEEEE 😍😍😍 he’s soooo..

— 🍨

MINOR SPOILERS EVERYONE <33 oh my days. i’ve started the manga a few days ago n yk continued on from where i finished in the anime n now i’m very far into it LMFAO so so fast! i think i know what you mean, it was with shidou right?? I THINK I SAW THAT. I WAS FREAKING OUT HE WAS RLLY GETTIN READY LMFAOO <33 he’s so cute, he deserves a writing from me! here you go 🍨 anon, didnt even request for it but it’s fine i love my anons!

maryse from the future ^.^ — MY OTHER BELOVED ANONS I SQEAR ILL FINISH OTHER WORKS I SWEAR I APOLOGIZE

FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY.

— featuring . meguru bachira x fem!reader

— warnings / content warnings . sfw. cringe warning cringe warning waha!! bachira bein there for you how sweet of him, a lil bit of she/her pronouns, perhaps reader is hinted to be a lil shorter in height, hints of violence but i promise it’s not that bad ૮꒰⸝⸝´ᜊ ˋ⸝⸝꒱ა, um kinda ooc maybe?? IDK i gave up halfway and this may be a lil short n terrible but oh well it’s ALRIGHT i’m tired overall sfw content, not much warnings woohoo !! tell me if I should add / missed a few things ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა

ੈ‧₊˚ “i’ll be willing to do anything to protect you”

✦ MEGURU . BACHIRA

frustrated. bachira was frustrated at the sound of chuckles and loud chattering from the men he was a few feet across from, gosh.. do they have to be this loud? it was just a few minutes after his game ended, he was exhausted and these two people weren’t helping at all, he grew more frustrated by the second. he glanced at the two for a good two minutes, cocking a brow. now hang on.. those were the guys that were speaking ill about you!

“the lady that gave him the bottled water? she’s his girlfriend?! quite the taste meguru bachira has.”

“nuh uh quit lying to yourself, she doesn’t look too pleasing. if anything, i’ve seen better looking women. see now, i don’t even know why bachira picked someone unattractive like her, i thought he’d have a better taste when it comes to women.”

“well it appears he doesn’t”

bachira’s heart dropped to his stomach, just what the hell were they on about? he bit the inside of his cheek, running his fingers through his hair before crossing his arms clearly upset at what the two guys had to say about you. he was getting even more and more frustrated by the second, who are they to tell him if his partner looks attractive or not, that isn’t their decision to make! fuck.. he couldn’t take it anymore. bachira stood up, making his way over to the two boys talking ill about you. “ahem.” the duo looked at each other then back at him, letting out a few laughs here and there. he’s basically told everyone around him about you, so much even people know about you both but these two guys don’t seem to get it. bachira knew how sensitive you were, he knew how quick you can take insults to heart, he wants to take matters in his own hands at times and protect you.

“to me, it seems as if you both seem to have the guts to talk ill about someone you don’t even know personally, thinking i wouldn’t hear what was running in your mouths.” he glared at the two, taking a step forward towards them.

“shit dude why are you so angry, can’t take a joke?”

“yeah, we were just joking. you’re getting all aggressive n defensive for nothing”

bachira’s body tensed, clenching his fists. did they really have to edge him on even longer? he was losing his patience, he wanted to tell these boys to scram already. unfortunately, the duo did not speak my further, attempting to walk out only to be stopped by bachira himself. “listen here, if i ever hear you both run your mouths about her once more, i’ll show you how aggressive and defensive i can get” “trying to sound all tough are ya? what are you going to do huh?” he smirked, cracking his knuckles. “guess we’ll have to find out.”

— buuuwwep !! ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

“meguru!” you ran up to your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his neck as your nose picked up his scent, lips curving into a smile. “missed you so much, y’know that?” he grinned, hands resting on your hips, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. you’re too sweet.. even though his mood changed when he saw you, he still can’t help but repeat whatever those guys said about you in his head, he exhaled lowly and grabbed your hand, kissing it before holding it tightly against his own. tilting your head and looking up in curiosity, you couldn’t help but sense something unusual about your boyfriend, “something the matter, meguru?” bachira tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning over to kiss your cheek.

“ah. . nono it’s nothing, how about we go cool down with some ice cream? it’s kinda hot, isn’t it?” “of course, let’s go” deep inside of his heart, he couldn’t help but feel upset for you. who do those people think they are? they think they can just walk in and talk ill about someone as sweet as you are? most people have no human decency, he thought. he cant let you know about anything, he was willing to block all kinds of negative things from you, protect you from anything that tries to harm you in any way.

“if i’m being honest i never expected her to even get together with bachira, she doesn’t really suit him.” a voice can be heard from the opposite direction from where you and him were walking, he sighed to himself. if only he could protect you from everything, but sometimes he can’t always be your knight in shining armour, and that’s frustrating to him. if only he was always there by your side, he wanted to be by your side, he wanted to always be there for you but he is aware he can’t always be there beside you, someday he knows that you’ll overhear something from others.. someday and somehow. but regardless of anything, bachira is willing to prevent you from hearing ill things about you, he is willing to do anything to protect you, for you and you only.

This is so rushed omg i’m so sorry it’s late at night i’m losing my mind ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა — Maryse

[trashbins-stuff]

Hello. I have seen that you have been tagged by @neobixiscool on one of their posts. I am planning to make a rant post on them. If you can provide some background info and your side of the story, that would be great. If you feel uncomfortable discussing this, that's ok. Have a good day/evening.

rub hands together like flies. my time has come/silly 😋😋

and thank you for coming to me :3 i appreciate it/gen also i get to go all cabby on this hehe

oh and, im not really hurt-hurted by them, i feel like mocha (mochablogger), liam (moonmxple) and mac (blairdrawzstuff) are most affected. They did have a book with my character in it but in a different universe or something (without my consent nor credit btw). Anyway under the cut is my observant. Honestly i think i might have jsut make the rant post for you lmao hrgbnhe 😭😭

the background/before:

mocha was working on a little story and xe said we could be in it! so obviously me and my friends signed up for the fun, not really expecting anything, the story was called "The Traumatized Cup", thats when we first meet him.

In one of the chapter mocha had introduced rubix, at first i didnt really think much about him, i was just aware of his presence, i do notice him and mocha started to become friends and i thought that was great :)

something that you should probably contact cuppy for more info:

so rubix (or according to rubix, "jasp" was roleplaying) and mocha were friends on facebook, and they roleplayed there i think, this i just know but apparently he said crap about liam (mocha's platonic partner and my best friend). Mocha is very sensitive and even in roleplay xe's still uncomfortable with what rubix said

"bezel's" divorce headcanon (and possible influence on further problems):

i heard people talked about it but never knew where it came from, but thne i found out and,,

tdlr; 1st one is about mocha and rubix, i dont know if mocha consent to it. 2nd one is uh a bit weird i i guess like he could have ask facemoji to make another one ;-;. 3rd ah yes the divorce that i had heard about!/vneg

rubix said bezel forced him into making the 1st one, even if thats true, rubix said the divorce was bezel's headcanon but hes the one that decided to post the 3rd one ("okay i asked facemoji again..")

seem kinda sus not gonna lie..but what do i nose right :-)

bezel probably influence more but even after all these months im still not sure if he really did do those things, idk lul, it is pretty weird that bezel's blog was a sideblog though (liam told me)

heres a bunch of words with link attach, those r my opinions lmao:

these u can just click to read so i hope thats okay

on wattpad he have a book in which he painted mocha, hazel and blair as manipulative (admittedly his writing was good, he could have used it for something different though)

he also uses some of our characters (such as mocha cuppy, hazel, blair, harp, blueberry, winter, bin (mine btw), seedling, galaxy journal,...etc) he did the delete that book tho, anyway heres more screenshot proof (credit @moonmxple )

mocha asked liam and neobix said its cringe

i remember this one also

the one where he tried to ban pet name and online dating (in 2023) (check the comment and other reblogs also theres alot, its practically a goldmine/silly)

and can i say he barely knows our friend group? like sure he knows mocha but hes trying to fit into our group (very poorly)

please read what cass wrote in the comment (thanks cass for speaking out about it ily)

the ask i sent him

NOT to get all bitchy here but mocha blocked you therefore you literally dont appear anywhere on xer dash, you're out of xer life and xe had no reason to pester you, not everything has to be about mocha. You guy's relationship (or supposedly lack there of) had change but honestly? thats okay they dont have to like the same people that they liked yesterday. You might think you know that's them but it wasnt, mocha in real life is kinder and better than the version inside of your head and they're happier now and its so sad that you cant see (because you're blocked)

and again, not everything has to be about YOU

he also made it all about HIM like excuse me ???? can i not complain for little bit without you coming in and nag about your problem ??? if you're suffering go talk to someone dont talk to online strangers ??? :)))???????

bro cant even read a long paragraph post like go back to elementary school lmao, also reporting ppl just because they use their right to not forgive you is such a sore loser move, it make you sound like petty six year old (also max be spitting facts tho)

bro brought out HIS right (reporting mocha, which he actually cant do if he doesnt have a valid reason) while ignore MOCHA's right (not forgiving him, which isnt a valid reason for him to report xem). The definition of petty is literally complain way too much about unimportant things that could have and should have ended already

"you dont have to relate to everything you see on the internet, somethings are simply not about you" :)

did you know that to report someone you have to click alot of buttons??

common salad W &lt;3333

oh yeah, this doesnt have links but jasp/neobix is being so casual abt bezel's death but also uses it as a way to make people feel bad for getting upset with what he did

Sorry for playing the dickhead role, but you wouldn't be laughing if you knew how we felt about every single one of you. (why it sound serious all the sudden lol)

why i still doubt (uh and heads up, galaxy brush, kodu, cuppy,..others who think @/rubixisanidi0t was saying the truth, im not saying he isnt but you cant blame me for not trusting can you? please skip this part if you're sensitive):

naw so if this was suppose to be jasp then whats jasp motive lmao :/..he dont gain anything from this + who tell people their secret plan publicly?? + how did jasp know about rubixs hallucination?? rubix please dont tell such personal things to jsut your friends and please just talk to an adult in real life. And jasp, dont let these kind of things on the internet its not safe/srs

this is just straight up weird and also why did neobix/jasp said "old friend" like hes rubix?? when he supposedly told rubix and i quote "yeah.. Soo.... This person named @/mochablogger seemed like some cool person, and when I tried to talk with them... Nothing happened, so when I figured they didn't care... It all happened at once." neobix/jasp and mocha werent even friend to begin with why was he SO obssess over getting mochas forgiveness when they supposedly barely interact much??

aint it a bit weird how this is supposedly jasp/neobix but why would they make this video??? it???doesnt make any sense?? and like were rubix and jasp still good friend??? why wood bezel make jasp of all people do it??? unless yk

HOL UP, WAIT A MINUTE..if rose jelly dated rubix but rubix tunred out to be jasp then..WHO IS ROSE JELLY ACTUALLY DATING??????

if @/neobixiscool is suppose to be jasp then how did he get a screenshot for a show rubix was making???

i translated it and head up. it has death threat in it

you know, if someone stole my account and ruin my reputation i wouldnt be following them and be mutuals with them :)

i appreciate him saying hell save us but like..why would @/neobixiscool linked the real rubix's yt and discord knowing full well that the real rubix was there and could told joiners the truth??? that seem kinda dumb ngl also on the channel you can find a video called "waitng for forgiveness" which @/neobixiscool had talked about. and lets do a bit of timing here, if rubix really was telling the truth and havent been on social media since his alst post on @/rubixcuix (last posted in august) and the divorce arc and the roleplay thing and EVERYTHING had started in september, and if the yt belonged to rubix, then he shouldnt have known that mocha didnt forgive him and make that video????? bc he wasnt suppose to be there since august??? bc if anything he shouldnt be waiting for forgiveness bc if jasp really did steal his tumblr account then its not his fault?? like i find it absoltuely HILARIOUS that the evidence agaisnt what rubix said was on both the account @/neobixiscool AND @/rubixisanidi0t's PINNED post?? and it boggles my mind how no one talks abt this???/lh/nm i mean its quite obvious maybe im jsut really observant though idk

if you got your account stolen and jasp supposedly brought back a wattpad book, i dont think you should be continuing it?? and didnt you said your reported him on wattpad?? on the same account where the book is?? why are you acting like "yes i did promise them this and im fully aware of what happen even though i supposedly havent been here since august and i will continue this book" has it hit you?

uh yeah so these are just my silly little takes, but hey! what do i nose? :-)

[feelingbloo]

doing this all at once because im fasting and need a distraction... this shit be getting personal lmao

day 1: your stats

currently 82.2lbs as of writing

day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height?

im 4'10, no not really! definitely doesnt help my bmi out at all, lmao. id prefer to be around 5'4.

day 3: a picture of your thinspiration. what features do you like about this person?

most thinspo kinda rolls off my back and doesnt affect me, so i dont really look at it. blessing and a curse.

day 4: your greatest fear about weight loss

i only have one fear, and its my partner. she (not so subtly) compares herself to me and uses me as thinspo, and i know losing weight will only make this problem worse.

day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? are you doing it for you?

im not sure if theres a real reason anymore. everything i can think of is something that occurred after the disordered eating started, so i dont know what truly drives me. id say im doing it for myself because theres nobody else i would do it for.

day 6: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do

of course, definitely. most times its due to an emotion, i think ive always used food as a comfort in that way.

day 7: do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? do they care?

they dont, i never told them and they havent found out. i assume my mom would care, my father sorta shuts himself off so i dont know if hed be mad about it or what.

day 8: your workout routine

im physically disabled from an unknown myopathy (my body doesnt produce enough muscle) so everything is a workout to me lmao. i generally walk around for 4-ish hours a day, since i cant quite manage anything else.

day 9: did anyone ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

no, only my eating habits. i was often told that i ate so much i mustve had a tapeworm, and most of what i eat is "junk food" due to sensory issues.

day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

dude, i fucking miss the liquid calories! in past restriction phases i refused to count liquid cals, and i definitely still lost weight, but not as fast as i would have liked. ive started counting them and ughhhhh.

i didnt cut them out completely, so i still have creamer in my coffee and the occasional soda, but i want my milkshake goddamnit 😭

day 11: your favorite thinspo blog and why

same answer as day 3.

day 12: what do you normally eat?

for main meals i usually have tuna on toast, egg salad sandwiches, cream cheese bagels, ham sandwiches/ham bagels, grilled cheeses, basically just carb + animal product. if we order out its either a cheeseburger or fried rice.

for sides/snacks/small meals i like string cheese, pickles, mini candies, lollipops, pepperoni, if theres any sweets in the house i have some of that.

its a wonder that i even lose weight on this lmao. but OMAD and counting cals is what makes it possible.

day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

i dont think ive ever seen someone answer this with the former option. we're all doing this unhealthily on this side of tumblr.

day 14: whats your UGW? when do you expect to reach it?

ooh, tough one. it seems like everyone has a set UGW but i dont. i feel most compelled towards the number 73lbs, which is the bmi of my LW (15.3). i dont think that bmi is low enough for me though, i'll figure out when i get there.

ive gotten close to that weight a couple times, but ultimately something always happens and i emotionally binge or whatever. no clue about timing.

day 15: are you vegan or vegetarian? if so, has this helped you lose weight? if not, would you consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

ive had lengths of time where ive been pescetarian (vegetarian + fish), it never helped me lose weight.

at this time in my life im not able to limit my diet to that degree, but i heavily support the lifestyle for ethical and environmental reasons. if i move out id likely try veganism.

day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

i began obsessively weighing myself at 7, and started to learn purging around 9/10. it wasnt ever something i was serious about, but at 12 i discovered the online ana community andddd... it really just brought out that part of me. so id say 12 is where it officially began, but ive had it in me since 7.

day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

never officially diagnosed but i dont think most people here are. yes, anorexia nervosa.

day 18: what food is your weakness?

i dont restrict what type of food i eat, as long as its under my limit. but my real weakness is food other people give me... i cant resist it regardless of the calories and it makes me feel so dumb. they dont even have to be in the room! it could just be takeout, they dont even have to be the one to cook it!

day 19: when is the last time you ate fast food?

i cant even remember, i almost never eat it since i dont like it. the grease and the oils coat my mouth and throat and it feels so disgusting.

taco bell cinnamon twists are bomb though.

day 20: favorite diet?

the special k diet is funny (literally just eat special k) but i always lose a lot of weight when i do cereal-based diets like that.

day 21: what are your clothing sizes?

ehhhh,,, i dont wear fitting clothes and everything is baggy, do usually womens small or sometimes xs.

my measurements are quite small (26bust, 23waist, 28hip IIRC?) so im below a 00 in most charts ive seen. unfortunately thats just my general size due to my height, im not as thin as people imagine from that by any means.

day 22: what was your lowest weight? when and how did you gain?

73lbs at 12, my height didnt change since then lmao. i experienced some trauma right after getting to that weight, which led to me binging myself back up to 90lbs.

day 23: did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

i think it was more personal experiences rather than the media, however the media likely did contribute once i had already established my disordered eating.

day 24: how do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia

it depends on the context. in the original meaning, it just meant a space where you could discuss your disorder without actively working towards recovery. i support that heavily.

nowadays, where it usually means people promoting ana/mia as some pretty dainty "lifestyle", fucking ew. what is wrong with you people. i understand wanting to romanticize your disorder (and find others who do the same), but i draw the line at genuinely thinking that disordered eating makes you "better" than others, or whatever bullshit they try to say.

day 25: have you ever purged? if so, describe your first experience.

i have purged in the past, but due to my disability (day 8) i typically cant vomit anymore no matter what i try. the muscle just isnt strong enough anymore to contract that violently.

first experience was harrowing lmao, i had had a bowl of instant ramen and was hallucinating as i was purging it. everything else was so distracting, i dont really remember anything about the actual purging itself.

day 26: what excites you most about reaching your UGW?

the first time i got to my LW, i just remember feeling so giddy and proud and i want that again and again.

day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

if i eat it, im not longer around it... i just have zero self control.

day 28: do you want that gap between your legs? why?

i guess so. its something a lot of people are envious of, and i knew i was happy when i had it in the past.

day 29: your definition of beauty.

this is going to sound "wrong" from an anorexic person, but chubby people. i dont have a fetish for it, i have slept with average people without problem, but i dont think i could date someone who wasnt at least bmi 23... ive found that bmi 25-27 is the sweet spot though.

i just think theres something so attractive about it regardless of gender. like hell yeah thick arms and round stomachs and back rolls. fuck yeah.

day 30: 10 facts about you! and now, what are your stats?

oh god what is this, an interrogation? not saying stats since im doing this in one go.

i draw (hobbyist, nowhere near professional)

i collect animal bones and general knick knacks

garfield and miku are my favorite characters

i tap on everything

i wanted to be a veterinarian as a kid

favorite animals are polar bears and hammerheads

my grandmother wanted me to be named tapestry (what??)

i have dyscalculia

i enjoy making cookies

i can barely whistle

[polyamorouspunk]

hii taking you up on your advice offer 😭 ur poly so maybe u have more experience with this than me, how would i break up with my longterm partner?

we’ve been dating for 2 years, it really has seemed perfect but lately idk its just felt wrong. we’ve kinda planned our lives around eachother and moving in together once we graduate, but i cant make myself want to kiss them or be romantic anymore, i dont want to respond to their texts, i get annoyed at them for no reason. they havent done anything wrong theyre wonderful its a “its not you its me” situation to a T.

all of our friends are mutual friends, but most of them were technically my friends first (all the people they used to hang out with sucked) so im scared if we break up they wont have anyone to talk to about it. i really dont want to hurt them.

i honestly might realize this is just me being dumb and all of this will pass and ill want to be with them still once it does, but since i have no clue how id break it off i feel so trapped. i want to know i have a way out if things dont get better, i want to stay with them because i truly changed my mind not because i didnt have a choice.

Not in a poly sense but just a “have had a few relationships” sense I guess I can offer advice.

So I’ve never actually broken up with anyone before, except for the last guy I was messing around with (Catboy) just because as much as I had sooo much feelings for him it was like the most unhealthy “relationship” for me. Like I finally realized like “oh I’m actually NOT better off seeing him, my mental health is ACTUALLY worse” because of his shenanigans.

However, I did have a long term partner who I dated for 6 years who we had plans to move in together and get married etc. same kind of deal, all their friends were my friends. And they dumped me, and yeah, it was really fucking hard even though I knew everyone was going to take my side. And the one person who didn’t I ended up not speaking to anymore because I was like if you’re not going to realize that I’m the only one whose going to keep talking to you because my ex doesn’t give a shit about keeping in contact with people, then that’s on you.

I was devestated. This was like 3 years ago at this point and pretty much right up until about this year I felt like I was somehow “living in the wrong timeline” and like my entire life’s trajectory had been pulled out from underneath me. Not from the breakup so much as them just deciding they never wanted to speak to me again, that I was bad for their mental health, etc. which I always told them if I’m ever bad for your mental health then break up with me, and I meant it and stand by that and their decision, but it still fucking hurt.

Like if that’s what they had to do that’s what they had to do. If that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. While I am of course resentful to my ex, and I hope they get hit by a car or something sometimes, I do stand by their decision that if I wasn’t good for them then I’m happy they left me behind. I don’t know if other people are going to have that same view upon being dumped. I mean like I said I still hate them. But to say that they should have stayed with me for my sake is hypocritical.

Not only that, but an issue of intimacy was occurring between us during the lead-up to the breakup. And as soon as I wasn’t with them anymore and I was able to be with Catboy instead I got a taste of what I had been missing and GOD it felt so good. For the first time ever I felt like someone actually wanted to be intimate with me. It was an amazing feeling. My ex dumping me opened up the door for me to have things I was missing in that relationship. So it wasn’t all bad, for sure.

You have to do what you have to do for yourself. You come first. If you need to break up with your partner, or take space, or whatever, you just have to go for it if you really think it’s what’s best for you.

[robbiethompsonlongcon]

so does anybody else see carlos a bit as like deans... ideal self? or self insert? lil bit like deans mary sue (honorific)? like how dean would like to be, or how he wants to perceive himself? or at least the version of dean we perceive together as a fandom's ideal self? not literally, i don't think dean is creating the characters or making the story up diagetically as the New Chuck or anything, but in that way the OG show sometimes does metatextual parallels between two characters who otherwise have no control over the narrative.

carlos is.. beloved by all. disaster bisexual. gender!! so much gender!! genderweird, genderfastandloose, genderplayful. unbound by gender roles entirely. a wonderful tapestry of masculine, feminine, both and neither. truly knows who he is, and is comfortable with that identity. celebratory of it, even! hes got it, hes gonna flaunt it. tastefully slutty. constant quips. sassy as fuck. so charismatic it hurts. talented performer. incredible hunter. frequently pokes at his beloved, sibling-type lorenerd hunting partner about her books. selfless and loving as thee central personality trait, buried under a layer of protective bravado. but also very aware he is very pretty and very talented. competent!!! but knows his strengths, and plays to them. nurturing. free and wild and a little reckless, a little superficial but never in truly harmful ways. if carlos goes or stays, it's because he wants to, he decided for himself, not because anyone told him to. willing to express boundaries. getting therapy. not afraid of feelings. do no harm take no shit. and just. so, so, SO very cool. in every way. even the "nerdy" things about him are cool. he's flawed, imperfect, but that's kinda what makes him ideal. he's just so.. real.

plus, john actively loves him, and loves him for who he is. john leans on him for support, sometimes even takes his advice. and he never tells carlos who to be or how to act. john and carlos are friends, they're FAMILY. john never tries to make carlos more like himself, at least he hasn't so far. carlos can be as silly, as emotional, as nonconforming, as distractable as he wants and john, at worst, breezes past it. lets him be himself. oftentimes john just supports him. john RESPECTS him. sees him as a worthwhile and complete individual, a valuable member of the team. they're like brothers. and why wouldn't dean want to be like brothers with his dad? it's not weird for him, he's already something of a dad to his brother. the boundaries between brothers and fathers and sons are already blurred for dean, and have been since he was four years old. and his relationship with bobby is more fluid than fatherfigure and son, too. bobby is father figure, uncle, coworker, mentor/teacher, childhood friend, war buddy and co-conspirator. in fact, none of deans relationship roles are so clear cut. and for all his complicated feelings about john, and all his traumas.. at his core he really does want johns respect and affection. marys, too, to be fair. carlos has both.

and then there's the story line in 1x08. carlos was given a Mark that forces him to kill, took the Mark in order to stop a dangerous and malicious entity from wanton murder before knowing the full terms and ramifications. the whole team researched the Mark and tried to find ways to get rid of the curse. but when push came to shove, they failed. the entity behind the curse was a lot more powerful than they thought. so carlos's options were either: to do what the Mark and the entity wanted and choose a victim's life to take, satisfying the conditions of the Mark and hope the entity didnt move the goalposts. or to say, nah. the life i choose to take is my own. and for once, that was the right answer!! carlos saved the day and defeated the enemy not by fighting, not by the deaths loved ones or innocents, not by cutting losses or solving for x, but by refusing to play, by sacrificing himself. and just being willing to was enough, he didn't have to actually die. carlos won. by giving up. nobody died because of carlos' decision to take on the burden from jericho, nor his decision to turn it inward. when carlos called the shots, everybody lived.

every time dean tries that, it backfires spectacularly, and usually winds up getting just as many people hurt or killed as the callous and selfish option would have. dean wants to be good and selfless so badly that he often rushes straight to self sacrifice. hes like plan a) ask nicely whoops i forgot to be nice. well that failed OK PLAN B) martyrdom. it's like, every time dean is faced with the trolley problem, his first answer is to throw himself in front of the trolley. as though he thinks the trolley is going to be satisfied and just disappear. or at least this way he won't have to see what happens next.

in carlos' situation, that was the LAST resort, not one of the first. they really were in a kill-or-be-killed, 11th hour hailmary situation. they tried everything else. the trolley was upon them. and carlos chose to die, not out of a wanton desire to prove his worth/worthlessness or martyr himself, but because they DID try every other thing they could first. it was a last resort! carlos DID NOT WANT to die, he wanted to save everybody, including himself! he had thoroughly considered the possibility that he would have to die, but he put that on the furthest backburner. he didn't want to die, but when it came down to it, he said, i won't be manipulated and i wont play god. back me into a corner, twist my arm, i won't do it. fuck you, i won't be your plaything. deans whole thing is that he doesn't wanna be anybodys plaything! not chuck's, not azazel's, not even john's. and he always is. and giving up never works for him. he never gets to choose. hes trapped in the game against his will. he doesn't even want to win the game, he just wants to quit playing. but the rules are that if he doesn't play, that's still playing, and he loses. if he does play, he loses. its rigged. there's no winning and no forfeit for dean. but for carlos, there was both this time. quitting was winning. everybody lives. the ideal outcome, if your name is dean winchester.

carlos is everything dean wishes he could be, or wishes he could believe he was. brave, strong, confident, smart, funny, drop dead gorgeous, selfless, complicated, sensitive, intuitive, comfortable, endearing. and he wins the way dean always wished he could.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for distancing myself from my partner?

I, (17NB) and my partner (17NB) had a rough year. Thier family is super religious, and so is the place we live in, and we've had many fears about being outed. My family is less religious and I mostly raise myself so admittedly he's a lot more paranoid, and rightfully so I'd say. But ever since we've started dating I've had to ask them multiple times to improve thier communication.

To start off, I wish they were upfront, or atleast more firm about us breaking up, atleast in the first year. That wouldve solved a lot of heartbreak if they didn't want to be with me.

They dodged the question of physical intimacy of literally anything more than holding hands or cuddling multiple times, and yet mentioned they were ace offhandedly to a friend instead of giving me a straight answer (which I wouldve been fine with, I just wish they told me.) They tend to get angry quite easily and resort to snappish/ short answers, and, especially since them having a conversation with thier mom questioning thier sexuality, tend to abhor the smallest inkling of physical contact or sign that we're together, even if we're around friends who know, or alone.

After the conversation with thier mom, they asked to break up, but i basically pleaded for another chance and they agreed. I know it's my own fault at some point for beating a dead horse, but I recently had a conversation that kind of snapped the rose-tinted glasses right off.

We were discussing our futures, and there's a somber agreement neither of us will see each other again after school. Thats not what I'm upset about. They described having kids in a hetero marriage and joking to thier kids about the "wild" stuff they got up to in highschool like experimenting in a queer relationship, basically saying our entire 3 years of dating was a fluke or joke or experiment.

I realised this was the straw that broke the camel's back, they didn't really initiate or seem as eager as me about the sparse times we could go out alone together, they gave me a half finished craft I had to sew myself while I gave a painting for valentine's day, and various examples of bad communication. They're a good friend, I'm not so sure about partner.

So, I'm kinda trying to stop this year. I stopped frantically calling in school and rearranging lessons to be with them, I didnt spam text or think about making any gifts so far, I asked to have a..spicy experience with a friend or two (that my partner agreed with me doing). In my head I guess I told myself that we might call ourselves partners but the word just lost its meaning for us both.

So far, it's okay. It hurts, because it seems more like we're just friends instead of dating, but I want to focus on myself and my studies to get out of our really conservative area. Still, I feel guilty and a little resentful. I know I should've just accepted breaking up, but we're kinda codependant. They and I both know we can't be without each other.

They love me so much, I know that. They've done so so much for me and dragged me out of a horrible place pretty much single-handedly, they're just not great at communicating or emotional maturity. Also, they seem to think queer people go to hell in some self-imposed notion of religious guilt, and when I express resentment towards religions that push homophobia on thier followers they seem weirdly defensive of it.

For context, I have BPD (my partner has, for a long time being my 'favourite person') and what I'm reluctant to call "severe" trauma but it's been described as that. I'm genuinly curious to know if this is a result of some upbringing-induced overreaction or if its okay to just kinda give up on my own relationship. Yes, I'm aware that the best thing would be to break up but I dont think I could ever leave them, for some stupid reason.

What are these acronyms?

[masterporky]

im gonna go on some sort of rant that may be deleted later. i guess it could be considered a vague post but ive cut off anyone who im "vagueing" or whatever. its kinda my explanation why i havent been here much recently. its not very cohesive or anything its kinda just my pissed off rambling. its really long or whatever.

ive been treated very poorly by people in the rpc. it was mostly in a discord server made by someone i had trusted. i trusted them because they were older and more experienced than me. and they seemed nice

i guess its my fault for being a kid on the internet in spaces primarily dominated by adults

but also. those same adults were kids on the internet just like me when they started out. so i dont understand how they cant show an ounce of sympathy or come up to bat for me when i very obviously need it

i dont care if you hate children, i dont care one bit. it was an all ages server. pro tip: if you dont want to be around children in online spaces dont be in all ages spaces!

even if it was only me and about 3(?) other minors out of like 10 active people. i dont care.

im mostly angry at myself for joining a server out of blind trust for someone i thought i was friends with. i know it wasnt very smart of me to join a server where i knew most of the people would be adults

but i still cant understand why they all began to fucking hate me. they acted like i was aggressive and unapproachable because that was the type of character i played. they vagueposted about me and acted like i was some sort of villain.

they made groupchats where it was me and 2-3 other people (usually mods) and practically ganged up on me whenever they didnt like the way i spoke or the way i played my character. and then one of those people who said they had been "bullied" by me joined back afterwards because yippee!!! i was gone!!! so now they could shittalk me some more.

"bullied" was me wanting them to properly communicate with me when they didnt like something i said or wrote. which when they did do that it was while in those groupchats. "bullied" was just them not liking the way i talked.

this person did so much other than just fucking that. they borderline fetishized black women & played what i can only fucking call a shittily concealed mammy stereotype. they roleplayed as a pedophile around child characters and REAL CHILDREN (me) which yes when they were askrd to stop fucking using their pedophile character they did. and they told me i frustrated them because they didnt understand me. there is a very high chance that i am neurodivergent. i dont care if you're neurodivergent too, thats borderline ableism. and their partner threatened to harass me once i left. what a great fucking thing to do.

oh and after i left, along with another person they put their "triggers" as "pokey minch" and "earthbound" which is just fucking spitting in the face of anyone with real fucking triggers. i did not traumatize you. grow the fuck up.

one of the weirdest things that happened was that someone who had joined had been making me uncomfortable beforehand (i have since forgiven said person) and no one else knew them. so they completely ignored when i was uncomfortable. but then. they had their character say "kill yourself" to one of the mod's characters and suddenly they got immidiately banned after. hm.

dont get me started on the mods. the mods who i thought were my friends, but excused everyone elses far worse behavior while condemning what i had done. which was seemingly nothing. and the owner of the server did absolutely nothing but let them do this.

i think the worst thing i did was, in a panic when i started feeling like a horrible person, send an apology to the owner a week later i dont feel bad anymore. i dont feel bad because i know that i didnt deserve whatever the fuck they were doing to me in there. i feel bad that i basically lied about being sorry. i guess it wasnt lying because i did feel very sorry and guilty at the time but it wasnt right to send what was basically a false apology to them and i wish i didnt because its embarassing and also wrong.

and the worst thing my friend who i invited did who they also hated (he's also like. a minor) did was send a very mean message to one of the people who had gotten mad at me for a seemingly very small reason and sent mods after me for it. which. i appreciate him being the only one fighting on my behalf. but i dunno.

that person was one of the people who made pokey minch their trigger. and had also made some insane fucking comment once about being "neutral on gay and trans people. some are nice" thats called being a bigot you fucking walnut. you cant be neutral on that sort of thing. and they criticized their coworker for being "racist" when their coworker just said that they hated white people and then got fired for it

the person i had the most problems with had spread what seemed to be false rumors about someone else in the rpc as soon as they entered so im not very certain im going to be safe from any sort of thing like that.

these people were 21-32. i am 14.

and not to sound like im giving you my sob story but its just that. do they just not remember being a kid? do they not realize how genuinely worse being in school has gotten? late generation z kids, especially in a school thats like mine where theres no minorities and everyone hates anyone whos different is actually hell. the people who hate me for being edgy or coming off as mean would fucking drop dead if they stepped foot in my godforsaken fucking school. on top of being bullied relentlessly in school, i now have to fear that i'll be basically bullied in the spaces that i thought that id be safe in. and by none other than people who should know better and thay i thought would have known better because they're well past highschool.

im tired of being treated like im an easy target for harassment everywhere i go. i almost quit roleplaying on tumblr altogether after that because it was such a stressful experience as well as the entire server being made up by mostly people i was mutuals with and have since blocked

ok um i guess my point is just that well. if youre going to have your blog or your discord server be an all ages space maybe dont try and chase out children immidiately because you dont like them because theyre children. you were an edgy teenager who acted stupid too so you should try to have an ounce of compassion for edgy teenagers who act stupid.

oh and also if you cant separate fiction from reality then block me. straight up.

also like. idk if any of you are worried youre following any of these people. i aint gonna like list them down since this isnt supposed to be a callout post but if you like really wanna know for some reason you can like dm me. like as long as u dont harass anyone or anything idgaf

anyways heres some shitty memes i made off it cause like you gotta do something to like not entirely die after some bullshit like that

[superpeanutgarden]

Night Blogging

okay, *technically* I'm not using the term right. It's an old phrase from before we called it Shitposting- we blamed all the weird stuff on sleep deprivation and Australians lmao

But it's night, and I'm blogging, so here we are.

so if you've read my other long posts, you'll know I'm in multiple open polyamorous relationships... and that I'm having what one might call "a hoe phase" and an accompanying crisis about if I still have worth if I'm a slut.

Well now im having a whole different (but still slut-adjacent) crisis. Do I even know what romance is????

This didnt come out of nowhere. My girlfriend mentioned that I was dating around as though I was single several months ago. And today she- wisely- brought up that i am at risk of girl bossing too close to the sun. and I had already been thinking about how my sibling had said that our parents didnt really model romance for us, and that we were told that romantic love is just kissing your best friend. And to be clear: I TOTALLY am. I'm not lonely or touch starved or sad or maidenless (or lad-less) in any sense of the imagination.

So... why am I still pursuing people??

The tree i can understand. He's a fun fuck, and he travels the renfaire circuit so I wont see him all the time. No chance of a solid relationship, just a fun easy breezy fling.

The lookout? Similar thing. Super fun to make out with and fine as HELL, but he lives like three hours away and doesnt seem interested in going steady. I can work with that

Max is PolySaturared and we just make out when I'm over for house parties, which isnt as often as I'd like but I'm desperately trying not to have too much of a crush on him (or his wife... or his girlfriend... or his other partner) so it's fine (jesus, maybe I'm not Ace, maybe I am just autistic)

Theres my good ex and my middle school bestie, but they're hella busy and our schedules havent really lined up. Disappointing, but acceptable.

The thing these people have in common is that they are almost entirely unavailable for me to date!! Until literally a month ago I was under the impression that I was just chasing the dopamine of New relationship Energy with ethically renewable sources and I could get my cozy domestic stability from my lovely girlfriends and partner...

And then trumpet guy and I made out at one of Max's house parties.... and Then I went on two dates with The Goblin King after making out with him and the Tree at the same time on NYE. And like??? It's so weird to say that I dont think either of them are stupid hot???? (But only one of the three people I'm dating is Stupid Hot, so there is precedent but?) It feels kinda weird and disingenuous to want to spend more time with these people who I'm not crushing on

And yet im Quickly falling head over clown shoes for trumpet guy. He's cute and fun and he asked me out on a date to dress way fancy and get sushi and go see a musical and???? I had just been telling a classmate that I didnt feel like I had been properly romanced since high school and?????? While I'm an impatient slut, it feels nice to be pursued.

The goblin king is really fucking sweet, and he's got really nice hair, but I'll wait to try talking myself out of liking him until after our next date... (too late, cant unthink that. I'll bring it up in person. He's really cool and I do want to still be his friend, but we both live with parents who would NOT get it so that kinda makes it hard to have solo couple time... or any couple time. It's not like I have to make a choice anytime soon but the dude deserves to know that I'm not sure if there's anything for us beyond friendship and the occasional kiss. Heck, we've only made out the one time and not even just us.)

Anyway, what's tumblr for other than an online diary??

[sakkuns]

sooo what's the tea about the ex if i may ask

phew my guy. youre in for a ride.

my ex is probably the most socially inept person ever. she is uncomofortable to be around, very introverted, she never talked. we were roommates. but i have a soft spot for losers so i was like whatever lets fall for her. and i was kinda prepared for it because as we became friends she told me that shes 100% not cut out to be in a relationship, she would only use sarcasm, never compliment her partner and would ghost them after 2 months.

but things escalated and we got together. and it was good for like. a while ig. but the stress piled up and while i loved her she just made me feel like shit. like absolute utter shit about myself. i never got a good word about myself, she never did anything for me while i was constantly trying to help her BECAUSE

i came to realize she had major depression. and like yk. i felt for her. i feel for her. but thats no excuse to how she treated me.

until one night she tried to break up with me. i say tried because it obviously was just self destruction, she looked quite happy with me, or at least better than alone so i didnt let her and it wasnt a problem until it was 1 am and i was sobbing at her place (she moved out the next semester) about how she constantly tramples over my self worth and image and she couldnt say anything for herself. or hug me. or say im sorry. and yet i stayed with her.

fast forward to october when she got into this major depressive episode and she moved home and refused to come to unim i told her hey i think you should come down lets spend a day together. (this was after i asked her if she cared about my feelings and she said no). and she said yes. but come next day and she did not text me all day. so i was like youre not coming right and she said nope. so i was like okay then om visiting you. mind yoi this was a tuesday which meant i was skipping class, going out of my way to help her. and i turned up and she broke up with me. again. and then changed her mind. so we went back to her place where her parents sat me down and basically told me that IM the reason for all her mental problems, she got anorexia because she learnt it from me and that im HARASSING her for visiting her.

so this went on for about 2 hours while she had nothing to say. just me getting berated by her parents. and then we went to sleep. and then the next day i was like okay lets see when she texts me next. she didnt text me for a week. and thats when i decided that im just tired. of all of this. supporting her, being there while she refuses to lift a single finger for me when i was feeling bad. so i didnt text her for a month. and when i did. radio silence. since november.

so yeah thats all there is.