#like i truly dont understand what he thought would happen. i guess i dont want to know. im torn between rage and laughing at his stupid ass

[angustully]

so when does my relationship with my dad stop being so fucking fraught. oh never? not til one of us dies? oh we both have to kill each other to satisfy the themes and motifs. whatever

[inmyheaddd]

under the moonlight - averyjameson

a/n: thank u sm for this req, ur so sweet!! i’m addicted to writing averyjameson 😩 tag list: @whatsamongus (if u want to be added let me know!) wc: 992 masterlist

the hawthorne foundation charity gala was, as always, an extravagant event. the ballroom was adorned with shimmering chandeliers that cast a warm glow over the crowd — a mix of old money and new.

avery started to feel a pit in her stomach the second people began to arrive. on the outside, she looked absolutely perfect. the black dress she wore was clinging to her figure in all the right ways, and her hair was styled perfectly for the occasion. but on the inside, that pit became heavier and heavier by the minute. 

she tried to smile as she made small talk with guests, nodding politely at compliments she wasn’t too sure were genuine. but the whispers, the sideways glances, and the not-so-subtle reminders that she wasn’t really one of them were beginning to weigh heavily on her.

“miss grambs, you’ve really adapted well to this new lifestyle,” a woman dripped in jewelry remarked, she sounded polite but avery could sense the sharpness underneath. “it must be difficult to truly understand this world when one wasn’t born into it.”

avery felt her stomach twist but she forced a smile anyway. “it’s definitely different,” she replied, keeping her tone polite.

the woman’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “i imagine it’s overwhelming. but then, not everyone is cut out for this kind of life. it is more than just luck.”

that was it for avery, she couldn’t anymore. “if you’ll excuse me, i need some air.” she said with a smile, her voice quieter now as she began to walk off.

the woman nodded and watched her walk off, seemingly satisfied with the result of the exchange, and sipped from her champagne flute.

avery made her way out of the ballroom, well aware of the whispers and the stares following her as she left. once she was at her room’s balcony, she exhaled a long breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in for so long. 

as she looked over the balcony, she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to shake off the effect the woman had on her. she’d come a long way from the girl who had nothing, but it seemed like no matter what she did, there would always be people who saw her as an outsider. 

“running away from the party already?” came a voice that was part teasing and part concerned.

avery turned around to see jameson approaching her. his tuxedo was tailored to perfection and his hair was styled, but tousled. there was that hint of trouble present that jameson always had.

the smirk on his lips began to fade as he noticed the look on her face. he could always see the vulnerability she tried so hard to hide from everyone else.

“i’m not running away,” avery replied, trying to sound unbothered. “just needed a break.”

jameson stepped closer and searched her face for the truth she wasn’t saying. he knew her too well, and could read her too easily. he could easily guess what happened, but he asked anyway. “heiress, you can talk to me.”

avery sighed, turning back to the view, her hands resting on the railing. “it’s nothing, just,” she trailed off, trying to find the right words and shrugging, “people being people.”

“people being assholes, you mean,” jameson corrected with a hint of protectiveness in his voice. he moved to stand beside her, his shoulder brushing against hers in a silent offer of comfort.

“i guess that works too.” she tried to laugh it off, but the bitterness in her tone betrayed her. she glanced at him and looked away. the concern in his eyes was almost too much to bear.

jameson’s jaw clenched slightly at the thought of someone in her house, making her feel less than, but he pushed the anger aside. now wasn’t the time for that. "heiress, dont listen to them. you’re better than that—better than all of them combined.”

he stepped closer, cradling her face with his hands, “you are the smartest, bravest, most incredible person i’ve ever met. if they can’t see that, then they’re the ones who don’t belong here.”

avery nodded, her eyes welling up with tears she refused to let fall. "it never bothers me, but it did today —i don’t know why. i just— i hate that it got to me. i hate that i let it"

jameson’s expression softened and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug she didn’t realise she needed so badly. she melted into him and rested her head against as he spoke again. "you don’t have to fight this alone," he murmured into her hair. "i’m here. always."

avery sniffled, and they stood like that for a few moments — the sounds of the city distant, and the party a million worlds away. 

“thank you, jameson.” she whispered as she pulled back slightly to look up at him.

jameson smiled down at her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "there’s nothing to thank me for, heiress. you’re my everything. i’ll always be here for you."

avery’s heart swelled, and the pit in her stomach she felt earlier was now replaced with butterflies. she reached up to press a gentle kiss to his lips; silently telling him she would do the same for him. 

“come on,” jameson said softly after a moment, pulling back just enough to look into her eyes. “let’s get out of here. we can go somewhere—anywhere you want. just the two of us.”

she smiled, the first genuine one of the night, “that sounds perfect.”

after another short kiss, avery let jameson lead her away to the maze garden with their hands intertwined. alisa, her team, and seemingly the whole world would berate her for it later, but she didn’t care.

for the first time in a long time, avery felt like she was where she belonged; with jameson. they were eachother’s, and no one—not even the harshest people—could take that away from them.

[justallihere]

i'm going insane bc i was away for the weekend and left my phone alone (god bless) and came back to a whole chapter PLUS love declaration PLUS forehead kiss ?? omg.....

Mira is not letting Xaden rest like ever, I do wonder what Violet told her while Xaden was prepping her bath tho.

“Not if it bothers you, they can’t,” said Xaden. “I’ll make sure they keep it away from you.” 

oh he wants violet to be comfortable so baaaad he's the embodiment of "is the sun bothering you queen" and im so here for it.

i'm totally fine and sane over xaden washing violet's hair im not kicking my feet or anything and im definetely not crying over how soft they are and how much trust must violet have on him bc she's letting him touch her hair after it being threatned to be cut.

forehead touches are my faaaav so u can imagine how well fed i am after this chapter and for that i say thank you alli *dramatically bows*

Xaden not wanting her to feel like she wasnt love so he just declares himself to her had me weak, like it could've been this grand gesture but nothing between them has ever been planned or expected so he just winged it and it was perfectly what she needed. talk about soulmates !!

when u told us the declaration was gonna hurt i didnt have this imagined in my mind but im so glad it happened this way and not the way i thought it was gonna happen. it was so bittersweet !!

ALSO she def knows she loves him shes just not ready to admit it bc in no way in hell would she ask him to say after he declared himself if she didnt know she also felt something

also the way they first slept i know xaden neck was complaining

also violet reminded me of a cat who always try to get closer in their sleep. she just wants to cuddle !! and shes so real for that

Rhiannon is truly a bestie!! not her terrorrizing the love interest we love a ride or die bestie, even if sometimes she's unresonable

“You whisked her away before anyone could check on her.” 

bestie there was not one single part of her that wasnt broken what was the man supposed to do *cries* but i do understand her stress

SLOANE MAIRI !!! not her calling the king of tyrrendor her brother i love that for her !! she's a princess so true. also i looove xaden and liam's talk it wasnt too cheesy bc tbh they dont operate like that but it was so genuine !!

can the guards chill !!

Garrick is just like me!! i too love gossip and will put my hands on it as soon as i can. but garrick its been like 12 hours wait a little longer or violet herself will call u out again. but also not garrick begging xaden no rule to country and he's just like "no <3" love that for him his wife just got back running a country is very far from his mind.

“Is that what you told her to do?” Rhiannon raised an eyebrow. “Get over it?” “No, but you’re not her, are you?”

He's so ??!!

the development of violet a few chapters ago being like "he didnt hold me while we slept bc there had been no excuses for it in Aretia" to now being like "im gonna curl into your arms so hard you'll never escape" and honestly good for them !!

anywayyyy i LOVED this chapter

lol a lot happened this weekend, welcome back!!!

Xaden’s literal one and only concern is Violet and her comfort, fuck everything else. I’m totally not fine and sane about the hair washing so I guess we balance each other out 🫶🏻

They are very much soulmates!! Xaden didn’t plan to fall in love with her, of course he didn’t plan some grand declaration of it either, we’re just going with what feels right. Violet is a grumpy little kitten yes you’re right

Rhiannon is stressed as hell, like give her best friend back RIORSON where is she

Garrick needs both gossip and for Xaden to do his job and he’s getting neither of those things! Too bad so sad!

Thank you!!!! 🩷

[calumhoodgoss]

been listening to rebel at heart thinking about how it yes it’s 100% a ashton song but could be a calum song yk? and insomnia gives way to some lite psychoanalysis and I was thinking, calum has this lovely quietly unhinged, rebellious even, personality and it makes sense he tends to be drawn to people with kinda unhinged personalities too or at least those who are boldly themselves and that’s not quite the path of what they’re ‘supposed to’ be. but also how sad it is whenever a louder personality drowns him out because he’s truly got so much to give and he does give it but he is quiet too and it’s like, you’ve gotta not steal his spotlight. not think because he’s on the quiet side he’s got nothing to say or express because he absolutely does. it’s such a sweet combination but it must be so hard to fit the bill of someone who works there really well. all the band members do in their own ways I guess and I do think that’s a big part of what makes 5sos so successful—and especially if ashton did in any part write rebel at heart for him (I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter, but it absolutely describes calum and I can never unsee that). but in terms of a partner. I just hope whatever happens whether brandy does end up learning how to be that for him and they do end up being together in the future or he keeps looking, that he finds someone who’s just the right balance for him. I can see how that would be hard though for a lot of reasons but he absolutely does deserve that and I just hope we can talk about and appreciate this and really see him for who he is yk? idk if this is the style of ask you like but I just wanted to say hopefully nice things about calum

oooo i actually havent had a chance to listen to blood on the drums yet! but you bet your ass ill be running to do that after readimg this!

i just quickly read over the lyrics and i can totally see how you see cal in them. if he didnt help write them then i feel like he would at the very least relate to them for sure. i 100% agree with you on that one, hes definitely quiter but not less expressive.

and i agree! i hope either brandy can be that balance for him or i hope he can find someone who will be. i have my reservations about brandy (and for those reasons i dont think theyll work out) but at the end of the day whoever makes him happy is the best one for him. he just deserves someone who inspires him and also understands him and his timing and expression, whoever that might be!

its just exciting to see him be more interactive and present online again - whether thatd because of a breakup or because hes getting ready to do some kind of promo, whatever it is we LOVE to see him being himself again

ALSO

this blog is all just speculation and ive specifically chosen tumblr to express all my thoughts cause the chance of the boys or anyone they know ever actually coming across this are so so so low. im more here just to talk about all the things i think about with people who understand and are interested and dont have people in the real world to speculate with either 😊

- not that you implied anything i just thought this was fitting to add 😇

[dealingdreams]

The Acolyte s01E04: Day

With my a broken heart and full of rage i will out of spite continue my rewatch of the acolyte. Quick refresher, i'll post my quick thoughts as i watch all in this one post, then do some general thoughts at the end.

obviously there will be spoilers okay lets goooo

quick thoughts:

fucking love the episode title of Day then the next epi being Night just delicous

the fact that kelnacca was drawing the mother anyisea's and mae's marking is so interesting

I think Osha intending to leave without saying goodbye to Sol is another example of her running away. She doesnt want the confrontation and would rather avoid and run.

Qimir did actually risk his life to help Mae. also his little needling remarks to try to get inside Mae's head crack me up.

Vern immediatly assuming Sol didn't tell he thought Mae was alive this whole time is odd to me. Like Sol made mistakes but he wasn't that unkind.

'you failed so much' lol

I still think Qimir was telling a bit of truth with that lie about his 'master'....i owe him, he collects people

Osha looks so hopeful when she askes Sol if he wants her to rejoin the Jedi

Osha's issue with Bazil amuses me but she respects pronouns

Jord's facial expression before he tells Osha to hand over the blaster is hilarious to me

Manny did so good with even changing his posture as Qimir instead of The Stranger like you wouldn't have guess he was that jacked under all that...like he grew somehow i swear

Another example of Osha being drawn to beautiful and dangerous things with the Moths

i really like that scene between Jecki and Osha 'were not defined by what you lose...' super sweet i felt like Jecki was a bit wise beyond her years

Qimir's little nudge to Mae before he went off to get some water is cute as fuck...such a sweetheart for a darksider

Mae's face after Bazil started yelling sends me omg lol

i know it was so he could change and get his mask on cause still...no one can see his face and know he's the stranger but it just seems so hilariously dramatic that he didnt stop Mae from walking away from him.

I still love that he just floated down into frame

also the blocking of this scene to have Osha between him and the Jedi is just chefs kiss.

the fact that he doesn't hurt osha infact gets in out of the way (roughly for sure but still) before he pushes the jedi away is such a cool moment

final thoughts:

overall i love this episode so much.

qimir being just a little guy is so funny to me...his facial expressions the banter between him and mae is gold. the little slips in his mask just perfect Manny did such a fucking brilliant job.

I like JJ's acting choices in this episode also...Sol seemed so distressed throughout. I think in part he sensed The Stranger but didnt know what it was. so between looking for Mae (someone who knows the truth about what really happened), protecting Osha, and feeling something forbodding in the distance i think you can really see how steadily Sol is unraveling. JJ is just fucking amazing truly!

also when folks say they dont understand Mae's motivation she literally says on screen that her loyalty is with Osha...Mae's motivation is Osha. I dont get what the disconnect is here

[queatherine]

td spoilers episodes 9-13 (long post; more in depth thoughts towards the end)

ep 9:

the dudes being there for priya awwwww that was so sweet !!

hey julia, is that car cool enough :)

sighhhhh mkulia

julia is that tiktok lumberjack lesbian,, i think shes canadian too

ep 10:

listen, i think we could all agree that the moment damien found that immunity idol way back when sealed his fate that he was NOT going to be a finalist,, so i wasnt surprised, just saddened

julia manipulation truly is everything i love evil women

ep 11:

MACARTHUR??!?!??!??!? truly not the cameo i expected, but i did not mind it!!

can we stop this annoying distrust arc between priya and caleb?

cant believe they killed off raj

so like,, did dinosaurs just never go extinct in the total drama universe??? is this one of the insane lore bits like 9/11 never happening (or happening some time after 2009???) 9/11 was the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs

CANT BELIEVE THEY VOTED OFF RAJ NOOOOOO IM WAYNE FRRR

ep 12:

me 🤝 priya afraid of lighting + thunder

OLD MAN TENNIS YAOI????!?!?!?! PULLED THEM OUT OF THEIR GRAVES FOR THIS CAMEO WOW

can we stop this annoying distrust arc between priya and caleb? pt2

i dont ship juliayne (juliayne shippers i do not hate you please do your thing i love you), but goddamn i want more interactions between theyre sooooo silly

ep 13: listen, i think wayne winning is fine. do i love himbos? yes. was i rooting for him in the finale? yes. in the grand scheme of things, do i think he is a good finalist? no. we can all agree that hes very much an owen, and i dont mind that!! i actually think having a fan favorite, comic relief, underdog third party winning makes sense in this season, because i dont think caleb or julia winning would be a satisfying end (especially how they were handling them by the end)

caleb's story was messy, and at the end of the day (and i know that the intentions changed), he did start his alliance with priya to use her. him winning, after all of the drama, after priya was gone, wouldve just idk felt shitty. he did get the girl in the end, which concludes his story better than him winning it. (if im comparing this to the tdi 2007 final three,, i guess hes the gwen)

as for julia, she had two seasons to be villain, and it was amazing. she is so good at what she does and she is such a joy to watch. and we all know how total drama handles its villains, they need to get their comeuppance. did bowie double cross her last season? yes. and she came back still was the main villain and was AMAZING at it. but she was still the villain for another 13 episodes, AND HER GETTING PRIYA OUT LAST EPISODE, she cant win. was her just desserts satisfying? meh. nice callback to heather (we all know julia is the heather of this comparison), though i can understand people who dont like this callback and think its tiring or something. they couldve done something else, but im not mad (i kinda fuck with the mullet). i just see no satisfying way for julia to win with how she was presented in these seasons: she was not world tour heather, with three full length seasons and a greater threat to overcome; she was island heather, and therefore could not win.

overall thoughts of the season:

im someone that thinks the hockey bros jokes nearly always land, so i enjoy the shit out of them (i think im in the majority?)

im someone that did not like priyaleb at first, grew to being more neutral about it, but still found it to be a bit tiring. i like priya, i like caleb, i dont like tiring romantic subplots, and it sucks that that was the entire thing for these characters this season

the julia mk duo was AMAZING, one of the highlights of this season and one that i never wouldve expected to be real. mkulia wins in my heart and i hope they start their podcast (JULIA WAS GOIGN TO USE THE MONEY TO START THE PODCAST WITH MK HOLY SHIT GIRL IS IN LOVE)

it sucks that certain characters really got nothing this season (millie, nichelle, emma, and even axel to an extent).. but i get that characters like millie and emma already had a lot of screentime last time and someone has to be an early boot (just realize the ones i listed off were all women,, damn the writers fr just hate women)

at the end of the day, i really enjoyed this season. and i think the most important part of that enjoyment was this was the first time i got to watch a season and have no idea what was going to unfold. i watched the first four season of total drama when they were airing, but i was a little kid with poor comprehension skills. the first three seasons aired before i knew how to read (i learned to read late). and with tdpi, rr, and tdi 2023, i watched them after the fact and knew who the winners were going in. this was the first season i watched were i truly did not know the winner, and that added to my enjoyment. not to mention this being the one and only time i was present in an online space to talk about show as the episodes dropped. this season was a bit messy here and there, but it delivered some great stuff. i found myself laughing out loud and just having a good time, which is all i need out of my silly little cartoon

[lyss-sketchbox]

if u saw the new trailer whats ur opinion?

im very excited for skirk,,,,

OH BUDDY YOUVE OPENED THE FLOODGATES CUZ IVE BEEN SPAMMING MY FRIEND WITH THEORIES LIKE HFJDJDJDJ I WAS SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME

Obvious spoilers for the fontaine archon quest in general for my thoughts and interpretations

Okay FIRST OF ALL NEUVI SENTENCING FURINA TO DEATH.

Okay so refer to what neuvi said at the end of Act 4 where 'all sovereigns are not im full dragonhood and it can only happen IF THEIR ARCHON DISAPPEARS'. I was hoping that Furina would somehow relinquish the gnosis or her godhood to Neuvi to let him be full dragonhood and stop the flood and WELL THIS LINES UP.

1) arlecchino did say furina was not archon like or has something wrong with her, 2) her playable character model HAS A VISION!!!!!!! 3) Iirc but her promo art, the one with the white bg with nation symbols on it, people say that it didnt have the symbols an archon would.

She's DEFINITELY losing her godhood here somehow and man. MAN IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT

Second of all FURINA or should i say the HYDRO ARCHON as a whole

She sounded MAD when she stated she wanted to use her own trial to show the world the true meaning of justice. This leads me to believe that focalors DOES have some sort of multiple sides/personalities to her. Especially with her announcing HER OWN TRIAL through the 3rd person.

And well one of these sides is either Egeria's manifestation or furinas actual 'TRUE lady justice' side. A bit of a stretch but one of the official art in the livestream is multiple depictions of furina so it can be a lil nudge ya know.

NEUVILLETTE!!!! NEUVI NEUVI NEUVI!!!

MAN ID KILL TO SEE THIS MAN IN ACTION FULLY ANIMATED, LET HIM BE FULL DRAGON AND KICK ASS!!!!! IM BEGGING YOU HOYOVERSE LET HIM BE MORE AWESOME!!!!

Okay this man definitely was acquainted to Egeria in some way and this extends to Furina as well (BECAUSE HE LOOKS SO SAD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO CRACK THIS MANS FACADE). I like to believe that Egeria and Neuvi might have a sort of Mentor/mentee/passing of the torch relationship. Because in so far everytime we hear Egeria, she talks to neuvi as if to hope that he will learn to understand humanity or learn his purpose or find SOMETHING (i forgot exactly what she says). But yeah he clearly holds her to high regard and that sentiment might extend to furina either because Egeria entrusted Neuvi with Furina, his loyalty to Egeria and Fontaine, or Furina just reminded him of Egeria and regardless of the trial still didn't want harm to come to his archon.

Okay a step back, we know that neuvi has holes about his past when he came to the world as the sovereign successor. And his line (i think its his idk) 'i seem to remember now... this trial is...' could be a call back of something Egeria told him from the past.

I firmly believe that this prophecy was actually a trial for NEUVILLETTE and not FURINA. It could be a final trial for him and his understanding of his position as chief justice and humanity. WHICH would tie into Egeria's line

and neuvi's line

Finally the GNOSIS

Okay the most obvious place is in the Oratrice. I feel like because Egeria isn't truly dead (from the who Amrita thing), it's possible that she lives in the Oratrice where she guides Neuvi and Furina. That's why it seems like it has its own conciousness and agenda. It's why it falsely accused Childe (and presumably Furina too). It might be why neuvi i think says this.

Anyways theres NO WAY the gnosis is staying in the oratrice lmao. There's bound to be a power transfer, the oratrice might be dead or dismantled because of its previous 'wrong' accusation for childe. And well im very much hoping it goes to Neuvi where he'll finally have his own meaning of Justice and no longer needs the assistance of the Oratrice to make judgements

I dont have much to say about Skirk, im most certainly looking forward to skirk childe interaction. Im guessing shes there at the abyss side either for the Narssizkruenz (fack spelling) ordo relation or well.. the gnosis. Im taking a random guess that she and the abyss might take away the gnosis to prevent celestia from descending early because fontaine is giving back the power they stole from a sovereign back to him.

ANYWAYS IM HYPED IM SO INSANE WAAAAAAAAAA

[iwanttofuckereh69]

now reading 2ha vol 2

ch 55 - 71

… but the careless thought would fly through his mind and soon be lost, like the drizzle of rain falling into a deep pond.

Mo Ran’s entire existence put into words perfectly

1. now im sad 😭

Ahhh the way Shi Mei’s death is described is gut wrenching. I was so sad reading that. But yeah, at least there are more details to what happened. It seems like Chu Wanning couldn’t do anything to save him that day. Or rather, he had to choose. I feel like if he tried saving Shi Mei, he wouldn’t hold the barrier. So he chose, faithful to his principles. It ties to Chu Xun’s sacrifice that seems to be supposed to show how hard of a decision it must have been both on Chu Xun and Chu Wanning. My guess is Mo Ran either didn’t realize at the time that CWN had to choose one over the other or he couldn’t understand why he would sacrifice his disciple to protect all those people he himself doesn’t care about. 

But damn that description hurt. Mo Ran’s heart was truly aching. And that comparison to a snowflake, equally beautiful and equally unimportant. Ehh

@thegreymoon if this is "moderate and usual amount of suffering" then i dont know if i want to continue!!!!

(jk, i like when it hurts 🙂)

2. Chu Wanning is even more awkward than i was in high school which should be considered an achievement

Tbh I like moments of Mo Ran’s longing for Chu Wanning. And how he reacts when he sees Chu Wanning finally after all this time CWN spend “in seclusion”. Its lovely, but also hes so dumb for not realizing. This whole whatever was going on between them during New Years Eve celebration was just lovely but also so awkward. Chu Wanning deliberately giving him a copper coin dumpling? Absolutely cute. But also so awkward and just 😬 Instead of finding thousands of weird ways to flirt maybe just tell him? Idk its an outrageous idea, but idk give it a try maybe?? And omg that awkward moment when he wanted to invite mo ran to watch fireworks but… yeah. I felt it in my bones. 

3. Breaking news, Mo Ran, despite being 32 yo in 16 yo body mentally somehow ended up being 5

Sometimes it feels to me as if mo ran desired CWN not as a person but as an object. And he is even comparing him to an ugly box that nobody wanted with perfectly fine food inside. An ugly box only he himself dared to open to discover the treasure inside. And he is so childishly jealous when now that box is on display for everyone to look at. Its almost silly. But also yeah, its another time he treats CWN more like a thing he owns. And nobody else should see any worth in that thing, because its only his to consume. There is a fine expression in my native language for a person like that, and funny enough, its also dog related. But I couldn't find any translation that would convey all the nuisance. It’s for a person that won’t let anyone else enjoy a thing even if they themselves have no intention of enjoying that thing either. It reminded me of this quote:

Eventually, like a beast, he had known only one thing: that Chu Wanning was his. Even if he didn’t care for Chu Wanning, he was still his to sunder and to ruin. 

And like… Right now, Mo Ran seems to me like an annoying jealous kid that wants CWN for himself out of pure spite. Because CWN never gave MR attention he thought he was owed or that he deserved. I want to punch him just a bit.

4. Shi Mei is totally Chu Wanning’s wingman

Like he always tries to show Mo Ran that CWN isnt all that bad XD And I won’t believe he didn’t realize after all those completely awkward confessions and random hand holdings that Mo Ran has feelings for him. Like I won’t believe he wouldn’t see right through him especially on that boat. And I think he is smarter than MR and saw that CWN isn’t indifferent to Mo Ran after all. I want to say he would be happy if they’d get together but BASED ON COMMUNITY’S REACTIONS i feel like i will look like a clown lol. But oh well thats my very biased impression of Shi Mei. 

@rosemary-screams

Never back down never what? NEVER GIVE UP!

Also it dawned on me while reading that you’re totally right @02cm, Mo Ran totally is wasting his chances with Shi Mei. I mean it happened before but that boat scene striked me as so annoyingly obvious. Like, he knows Shi Mei dies after he gets back from that “summer camp” in peach blossom springs. Its not gonna be long till that day and he can’t be sure it won’t happen again. And he is waiting around, unable to express his feelings that he was supposed to be so sure of. Is it… perhaps… a live showcase of Mo Ran’s only two brain cells almost connecting? Almost! Not quite there yet, but we’re on the right path. 

5. This book makes me feel disdain towards the characters and then feel bad for them in the matter of chapters njnjgviuvnjuigi im not well

I'm so heartbroken with the story of how Mo Ran was punished when he tried to steal the haitang flower for Chu Wanning because he had a crush on him. And CWN never let him speak and explain himself and punished him instead. I mean it’s kinda understandable but it makes me sad knowing that MR had such pure intentions... Also, that bedtime story about ox… Mo Ran sees himself in that boy? Because it seems like he always took the beatings no matter if he deserved it and nobody was kind enough to actually listen? And it seems like it will happen again now that he's being framed for murder.

6. Me when MR gave Xia Sini butterfly hair clip and made his hair:

THIS HAS NO REASON TO BE SO CUTE. Also i'm actually enjoying that smol Chu Wanning arc despite being weirded out at first. It gave CWN opportunity to be more relaxed around MR and the rest. And just like he can enjoy sweets as much as he wants without having to worry about losing his face, he can also just chill a bit because oh boy, my guy needed it so much

7. Someone really dislikes Mo Ran and is actively plotting his demise (which im not even surprised with). It’s either someone he already managed to wrong after reincarnating or someone of those many, many people he offended in his past life that somehow also got reincarnated into the past. What are the odds?!

Also, if Chu Wanning and Chu Xun are related (rather closely given how they look alike) and Chu Xun died and Chu Lan died and it seemed like there wasn’t anyone left out of their bloodline… how. Also what’s the self sacrifice gene because it clearly runs in this family. 

[doomed-era]

three. champion descendants to champions relationships. basically how do the descendants feel about the champions

OH...i haven't thought about this too much it should be interesting. hehe

yunobo first cause i thought of him first. he's a bit. intimidated? by daruk. while also feeling honored to have inherited his power. he's not super sure what he has to do with the grand scheme of things or whatever. he is just a guy. and he would like to stay just a guy tbh. so while he can respect what daruk did he doesn't really know what to do about his connection to daruk. the other champions he is Vaguely aware of but doesn't really know about other than they were also pilots and were from different races.

sidon well. uh. it's complicateddd. he wears mipha's earring as a little reminder of her tbh. he loves her a lot but yea he didn't feel like he knew her that well. that's why he's kind of stuck on her and honestly gaffen telling him about her made it Worse because he had to process this new information and analyze it to see if he could just get a scrap of what she was like. he's very upset with how the rest of the domain acts about her which also helps reinforce that sense of loss. he's learning though! slowly. it helps that he has friends. from what he remembers about the other champions...he thinks they were very brave. urbosa to him was really cool

riju! obviously she idolizes urbosa im pretty sure this is canon. however urbosa was also somewhat of a controversial leader at the time. and there are people who argue about her impact on gerudo society as a whole its very. interesting. especially her policies and stance on gerudo cultural identity. in general riju is aware of this and still admires what urbosa did while not wanting to repeat her mistakes if that makes sense? she admires her desire to unite with others, but wants to extend that towards other gerudo cities and settlements. i am going to think about how the gerudo like to memorialize their past leaders and what kinds of details they include or omit, but I think urbosa would feel larger than life, in a way, not personal, because she never got the chance to learn about her from stories told by her mother or grandmother. idk how this keeps happening. themes of not understanding who a person truly is abound !

teba is pretty funny tbh I dont really think his opinion of revali has changed much from fanon/aoc I Guess. you can tell i havent really thought about him much. sighs. I dont think the rito like to dwell on death or failure much. they're aware of revali as a part of history but its not nearly as much of a big deal as with other races. so teba would respect revali. but also, that's a kid is anyone like, looking after him???

[marunalu]

Hawks: AFO has no emotions

Afo in recent chapter: *his face almost cracked due to emotions*

I wonder...why AFO hates All Might so much?

Do you think All Might will deafeat AFO in this fight? What will happen? What are your predictions?

Hawks was wrong so many times in the past, its mind boggling to me why so many people in this fandom still take everything that comes out of his mouth at face value. Just because a hero says something specific about someone else, doesnt mean they are right. Hawks doesnt understand afo. He is not an expert of afos person. Afo already debunked hawks words about him not able to feel human emotions because he has "no heart", long before he even stated them in the first place, in kamino.

The reason why afo showed less emotions back then was because as an adult he has them for the most part under control. The younger afo gets by rewinding himself and also by tomuras hate having an effect on him, the more emotional and reckless he becomes. The emotions afo shows now is who he deep down truly is, the person he is trying to suppress, because he sees it as a weakness. Thats why he is smiling all the time - because only the strongest can always smile. He is a man so full of hate and rage for the world he wants to steal everyones elses happiness, since it was (most likely) taken from him too.

We need to remember in what kind of time afo grew up in, people like him were hunted down and killed, how he lost the only person he loved (in his own messed up way) and IF dfo is true what was taken from him AGAIN. If our theorys are true and afo startet a family on his own accord to finally have some happiness in his life, its no wonder why he reacts to all might the way he does.

We saw hints of his hate and anger towards all might already in kamino, but back then he had it under control. Right now, he is letting everything out. Back in kamino he said: "while I killed your mentor, you took something away from me too. Thats why I want you to die in the most pathetic way possible." Its more or less confirmed that he wasnt talking about his empire here all might destroyed, because he explained to spinner that all might destroying his empire was "just a small lose" for him. Its not the reason why he hates all might so much. So if it has nothing to do with his empire, it has to be something as PERSONAL as killing nana was for all might - taking his most beloved person from him! It was nana for all might, his mother figure. Who is it for afo? Yoichi is dead afterall.

About my predictions: do I think all might will win? No, I dont think so. But I think it will at first look like it and he will give afo one hell of a fight. Do I think all might will die? Im 50:50 on it. Im still not convinced that afo is the villain killing all might in nighteyes vision. Nighteye knew what afo looked like, but even all might thought that if he didnt knew already he would never guessed that this "young man" is afo. So Im unsure how this will turn out. Do I think afo will win here? Yes, but not unscratched and most likely on the verge of death if not alone because of rewind. Will he make it to ua? Im not sure anymore to be honest, but we know he still needs to do something to make the fusion of tomura and his vestige complete and he needs to reach ua for that.

What do I want to happen? I want afo to go all out even more. I want his backstory to explain what the hell happend to this man to make him turn out like that! I want dfo confirmed in this fight out of afos own mouth, raging how all might destroyed his happiness the moment he was ready to leave his villain life behind him. I want him to use fire breath in this battle! Seriously if he uses fire breath I will run, jump and scream around my appartment like a maniac!

[chenyann]

Alone together!

Riddle rosehearts

|°Rumor: Riddle and you have a study date but you seem to understand much of what's going on and you start to feel a bit sleepy!

|°Rumor warning: gn!reader, crushing, rushed, ooc(?),spelling error,non-edited, studying, Reader hardly says anything-

|°Keys:814

|°Ads: @mystaposts ahhhhh I'm so sorry this is short, it's bc I thought ur birthday was on the 7th and I got busy yesterday😭 but, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MYSTA YOURE SUCH AN AMAZING PERSON TO TALK TO,I KNOW I DONT ANSWER UR DMS SOMETIMES THATs JUST BC IM FORGETFUL😭😭 BUT I TRULY LOVE TALKING TO YOU, I HOPE YOU HAD AN AMAZING BIRTHDAY!

Tapping echoed through the halls. The sun was finding its way through the giant windows in the hallway. It was a warm sunny day, the birds were chirping, so why was riddle frowning? Well to start us off you are late, really late. Not five or ten minutes late but 30 minutes late. Riddle likes things neat and to be on time, all of his assignments were done flawlessly exactly on time  and his room is ordered properly 24/7. So yes, it made him a little upset that you were half-an-hour late. What was so important that made you this late? Usually if you were to be late it wouldn't be half an hour, it would be more like 15 minutes give or take.

The calming silence was interrupted by the quick pitter patter of someone's feet, when Riddle turned to see who it was he was greeted by the sight of you. “What was so important to make you so late?” Riddle asked, as he folded his arms around his torso. “Ace and deuce needed help with something..” you paused, looking at him to see if that worked or not. But to your surprise it worked well. Riddle let out a sigh thinking about those two reckless first years causing problems and breaking rules. For a moment he wanted to ask what happened this time but he didn't really want to know at this point. “very well” he said, as he entered the library. Yall chose a nice spot in the library and sat down shoulder to shoulder. A few days ago  you were complaining about how your grades suddenly dropped. When Riddle asked to see some of your papers he knew why, you were terrible at math– how did you even come up with that answer!? Ridding being the kind soul he has offered to tutor you, it's definitely not because he has a fat crush on you and wants to spend time with you.

“Now shall we get started?” he asked, as he pulled out his notebook. You nodded and pulled out all of your things, Riddle watched as you were rummaging through your bag trying to find a pencil he guessed.“here.” the rose haired boy said as he gave you a yellow #2 pencil. You thanked him and looked down at the textbook, your eyebrows knitted together while you looked at the book filled with numbers and letters "whos idea was it to put letters in math" You thought to yourself.

      Snap!

           "Focus or you won't get anything done" Riddle said, noticing how you were glaring at the book. You nodded and asked riddle a few questions but other than that y'all didn't talk to each other much, which made riddle a bit upset. But you paused again looking at your paper. “do you need help?” Riddle asked with a raised brow, whether you said yes or no he decided to help you either way. “how about you try finding the answer to (x + y) first ” he said, watching as you scribbled on the paper. “now let me see.”

You showed him the paper and he looked at it with a small frown and spoke, “question two is wrong.” “Wait really!?” you asked, a huff left your lips as you sat your head in your arms. You muttered incoherent things before Riddle spoke, “would you like me to show you how to do it?” you nodded, as you placed your head in your arms and looked up at him. “you're gonna fall asleep like that” “no I'm not!” Riddle sighed, “if you fall asleep it's off with your head.” you felt yourself shudder as you imagined that collar around your neck, you nodded as you watched him explain. But you felt tired, you tried to stay up you really did but the feeling was too strong. Your eyes grew heavy and you felt so comfortable, too comfortable.. 

“Now divide (x) by 31 and you will get-” he stopped, looking down at your sleeping form. You fell asleep while I was explaining…. Should I wake you up..? Maybe I'll wait a bit, you may be able to focus if I let you rest for awhile….Riddle sighs as he looks down at your sleeping form, he gently takes the text books, pencil, plus all the other study materials yall had and sat them in their rightful places. Then he was met with your notebook, “I suppose I can look and correct your notes..” Riddle muttered, making sure not to wake you up by mistake. He was met with somewhat exceptional notes, but what really caught his eye were the small doodles of him. It was kinda cute. He sat the notebook down and got up to get a book to read while he waited for you to wake up. Of course he will discuss those doodles with you later.

[starbramble]

Saw the finale and while narratively I don't have a problem with anything that happened, I do think that the pacing and what they chose to show/focus on was ?????????

unfocused spoilery rambles under the cut

Standard caveat of this is all just my opinion ymmv and all that,

- reunion was really cute but then we dont see Ed and Stede talk about Piracy vs Retirement or any of their issues at all???

- I mean the pacing of Izzy's arc has been wild to me anyway this season but it feels weird for him to get *both* character development and a tragic death?? and the timing/pacing of it felt really rushed. (for context Character death in stories doesnt tend to bother me as long as it serves a purpose, but the themes of this felt a bit all over the place for me. I also completely understand why people would find his death increadibly upsetting)

- Izzy's speeches were nice but didn't neccessarily feel like they lined up with what we've seen on the show for me tbh (also love ed but lol at the idea that the crew like him more than izzy this season)

-in general S1 izzy and S2 izzy feel like different characters to me and it feels like this death scene was written for S1 izzy not S2 izzy if that makes sense?

- Good for Jackie getting to poison everyone but neither stede, ed or zheng really having much interaction with Ricky at the end felt like a missed oppourtunity. though I suppose that could work with the fact that there was not meant to be an external villlain this season, but then the characters internal problems were kind of brushed over anyway???

- honestly love Zheng and Stedes interaction though, his bumbling managing to keep her alive juuussttt long enough for her to get out of her depression moment and do all the work herself 😂 he truly is most useful as a little pirate mascot.

Tinhat theory here but it kind of felt like maybe this season was originally going to end with Ed and Stede split up again but the writers/ showrunner didn't want to risk not getting renewed and leaving them in a bad place?

Double tin hat theory - Izzy is chilling in the gravybasket with buttons and will show up next season as a ghost/dream/hallucination (or hell just straight up come back, I mean if Ed can do it after being beaten to death 😂 )

good for lucius and pete :)

Glad Auntie is alive but RIP to every other Chinese pirate I guess, also all of Jackie's other husbands????? ( also lol at the long continuing narrative condition of having a side character who has objectively lost a lot more people comfort a main character over another main characters death (star wars im looking at you))

Anyway just my ramblings after having first seen the episode would love to hear other peoples thoughts.

[once-vel]

copy-pasted from my cohost. i have been doing some thinking and i thought to myself "what if zakri had dealt with the whole prophet deal better?" and i have come to the conclusion that he kills more people

under the cut because it's loooong.

instead of going through a hell of a years long emotional rollarcoaster he makes the connection of "if i say no velzie will just find another way to get me to do it, or they will make someone else do it, no chance in hell it would be that easy to circumvent all of this. plus there could be unimaginable consequences if i piss off velzie by saying no. so... no point in fighting, i guess" and starts working on being like, okay with it from the get go. except this time he actually gets somewhere with it. coming to terms with and accepting your very terrible fate speedrun

one difference between this timeline and the main timeline is his demeanor is entirely different. the emotional rollercoaster does not happen so his personality never really changes. he stays genuinely gentle and charismatic. he never adopts the rude and mean persona because. well what's the point? being generally likable is convenient. also something something "well i am going to do/have already done enough awful things, may as well be kind to those i can"

now i did say he kills more people. what better way to come to terms with your fate of god telling you to do things like this than, well, getting comfortable with hurting people? he sure would rather not be doing this but well gotta get it done somehow. it's pretty much always carefully planned and indirect, though. sucks! but whatever. you do what you gotta do. notably, he still becomes a surface runner, and the person he gets killed dies the same way, but in this timeline it was more intentional. hence why it doesn't Completely Shatter Him in this timeline.

anyway then collapse happens and the thing with unnamed kiv goes different. he wouldn't even slightly bother with getting them indirectly killed, no he does that shit directly and he does it without flinching. knew he'd have to do this and has already forced himself to comprehend how real everything is, so? just part of the job. something something "why are you doing this?? you used to be so kind..!" / "oh, if you knew why i was doing this, you would understand i am being as kind as i can"

he definitely would really absolutely rather not be doing all this but he's been much more successful at forcibly repressing every single feeling like that here, so. he also gets a little bit sadistic after a while (he is aware of this and has intentionally worked to make it worse). don't worry about it

also while he didn't have concrete proof he would die this timeline, i feel he would have been able to go "hm, my visions cut off after a certain point. i would not be surprised if velzie just decided to kill me at some point". and who knows? maybe this is one of the few timelines where he is allowed to truly survive. maybe velzie took his loyalty and rewarded it. not like it matters either way as this timeline never happens anyway. sure his loyalty is fun but it's nothing compared to making him suffer the whole time

i want to emphasize again that even in this route he's not like... horrible and evil. i mean he sure has done a lot more wrong in this timeline but it was still ultimately because velzie went "look at these horrible things im going to make you to" and he went "damn if velzie is telling me this then i probably dont get a choice. might as well make it easy on myself and fuck myself up in advance" and got to work. and he's kind here!! his kindness is genuine! he's not faking it! he genuinely wants the best for everyone. it's just that, you know, gestures to velzie

as with all other alternate universes/timelines though this is completely noncanon. i call this specific variety of timeline "what... could have been..?" (question marks included)

[adidegmez]

invincible s1&2 spoilers

i'm starting to watch invincible for the first time and i wanted to write here.

i like the art style. and i thought episodes would be 20 minutes or something this is so much better.

s1 spoilers

s1 ep1(it's about time)

wow. ep was good i liked mark. but the end wow! i didnt see that coming. I saw Omni Man doing bad things before watching the series, but I didn't think it would happen this early. I liked the guardians. Why did he kill them?

s1 ep2(here goes nothing)

i like teen team. and eve. is omni-man lying? i think so. or did something else really happen? i think omni-man wants earth just for himself. and I didn't expect this much blood, at least not this early.

s1 ep3(who you calling ugly?)

guardians of the globe look a lot like the Justice League. mark would probably be better with eve. she'll understand him. but i like amber too. robot!? why?

s1 ep4(neil armstrong, eat your heart out)

yes, something is wrong with nolan. he is not truly a hero. If Superman or Spider-Man were in his place, they wouldn't be able to just stand by while the city is under attack. omni-man scares me. i dont know what comes next.

s1 ep5(that actually hurt)

omni-man let his son die. well, he is not dead but still he didnt save him. What was he thinking? i thought heroes were dead. im glad theyre still alive. and titan! He fooled invinvible.

s1 ep6(you look kinda dead)

its nice to see mark smile. i hope it can last, probably wont but still. whats robot doing? im glad william learned about invincible but amber should learn too. i really dont understand why omni-man killed the guardians. whats with the white house guy and his son we'll see i guess. eve is happy thats nice but mark… heroes cant have a normal relationship i guess.

s1 ep7(we need to talk)

I don't understand why omni-man killed the guardians. I can not understand. Why did he do it?

s1 ep8(where i really come from)

i thought Nolan was lying about his planet and its people. But judging by the name of this episode, Omni-Man may not be from Viltrum. we'll see. I liked that the logo became more bloody as the story progressed. Where is the invading alien? I think we will see it in season 2. this was so good. there are so much things to see in s2. i love mark. he changed his father and maybe in the future omni-man would help save the World because of his son. No one who knew Nolan believed he could do such a thing.

s2 spoilers

s2 ep1(a lesson for your next life)

This must be a different universe or another timeline or a dream. Mark doesn't do this. Someone must be controlling his mind. wasn't donald dead? it was a different dimension. and a villain is born. Mark already has a lot to take care of. now this!

s2 ep2(in about six hours i lose my virginity to a fish)

I hope mark and amber can make it work. The logo is starting to return to its old self. Does this indicate that things will get better? But this can't be, there are so many things, I don't know how it will turn into good?

s2 ep3(this missive, this machination!)

why? Why do they give up what they love for other people? I don't understand. In the TV series or movies I watch, most of the time, nerds compromise on the things they love to be normal. But I love them the way they are and I think they need to find nerds like themselves and live without compromising what they love. i dont know i just feel bad for the collection😅. who tells the story? i like allen. How is he still alive? I knew something was wrong with Thaedus. is allen dead now? seeing debbie, listening her stories makes me sad. nolan was a good dad and a good husband. and now he is gone. amber understands mark this is good. William helps mark. mark has amber eve William and debbie has no one. omni-man! i didnt think he would be back this early.

s2 ep4(it's been a while)

Nolan confuses me. I think he really liked Debbie and Mark. imo he is confused too. Debbie changed him. Maybe it would have been different if he wasn't a Viltrumite. He saved the aliens. He was doing heroism for his duty on Earth, but he didn't have to save those aliens, but he saved them anyways.

s2 ep5(this must come as a shock)

are dupli-kate and shrinking rae really dead? Why didn't Cecil send more heroes? Maybe then they could win. Allen is alive. Thaedus is a viltrumite?!

s2 ep6(it's not that simple)

what! rex died?! why? i thought someone would come and save him. Will the sequids return? They controlled Rudy's mind so I can't be sure. im glad debbie is raising the kid. dubli-kate is really dead.i liked her i liked them all. im glad rae and rex is alive(barely). amber and mark… they love each other. theyre good for each other but it wont work. i wish it could work. I think Rick will fight Invincible. he is a good guy if he was really him he wouldn't fight but he changed so I don't know what he'll do. sequids are back.

s2 ep7(i'm not going anywhere)

there ia 13th doctor cosplayer. i liked it. we saw her 3 times, i think it was the same woman. Am I paying too much attention or will something happen? first time okay second time was okay too but the 3rd time mark and amber was walkinkg and i saw her twice. It was very funny and cool that they animated every example Filip gave while he was talking. spider-man's hand gesture. I love the references. I wish they had erased Rick's memory too. It would be better. i liked april. I hope she doesn't do anything bad. amber and mark they always understood each other until the end. they still do. i wish things could be different but they cant be together. yes, allen is strong. but anissa was right they could save so many people. but what's bad is their attitude. If they had been a little more compassionate or kind, things could have been different. So many people would not have resisted and many worlds could have been saved with less loss.

s2 ep8(i thought you were stronger)

Talking dinosaurs? so many universe. mark is bad. The multiverse is confusing me. How can he be bad in so many universes and be good in this one? but im glad he is good in this one. is that batman? he really killed angstrom. i hope he can put this behind him. kate is alive! I hope mark and eve can be together. allen and nolan. Nolan is a nice guy I wish he wasn't a viltrumite. He was just raised wrong and if he had been raised by good people like Martha and Jonathan Kent he could have become like Superman. I think we can already see that he cares he cares about others genuinely. and thats because debbie and mark really changed him and i hope we can see that more in season 3.

I started the series by seeing a speech by Debbie. I wanted to watch it before, but his speech was really beautiful and tragic. and I immediately started watching the series yesterday. Before i started, I thought it was Nolan who broke his arm and that made everything worse, but at least Nolan is not that person anymore (He never hurt Debbie physically, but he did hurt some people, including her son). I thought Nolan was such a bad guy. he grew up in viltrum but the world changed, him debbie changed him. He loved Debbie, he loved Mark and Oliver. And I hope Nolan can do better things in the future.

this story was amazing. and animation is the perfect way to tell it. i really cant wait for season 3.

this story was tragic. i cried a lot. this Show might be my favorite superhero Project. i love marvel and dc. i saw a lot of superhero shows and movies but this was incredible. i dont know what to say but im glad i watced this Show. im glad i knew mark. and debbie. and nolan. they are amazing. i hope they'll get a happy ending.

i hope season 3 will come soon.

[yeahmiknight]

My system is so weird because....its got a really weird way of operating and people say im faking DID because of it which...im not I dont think??? Eh I guess ill go into more detail proceeds to dump life story Gonna make something clear: Im not an Endo(?), I did not choose to be a system. My system came from trauma and even if we have stuff like fictives and all that, this is a real thing. Im not being a system for any type of gain, people dont understand how painful it is to be this way sometimes. It hurts sometimes. For the longest time I denied being a system because of some online drama stuff. Mainly because I thought people would just assume it was an excuse when I started acting completely different and I always just assumed I was broken in some form of weird way, which I ended up calling BPD which was HALF RIGHT?? Before I truly came to terms with the fact I was a system, I had 2 beings who I now understand are alters who would talk to me- well only one of them would really talk to me the other would talk AT me in a sense or just force front. One of them I now know is a/the persecutor. For about a few years of my life up until very recently my persecutor had been one pulling most of the strings because I had no idea this guy was co-fronting or just fronting in general and assumed that it was just me being a terrible person, so I always made sure to say it was my fault when anything happened, I never fought, I never really defended myself, I just took everything. My persecutor would always start stuff and then back off when the aftermath came up so I would have to try to figure out what was going on while I had people yelling at me for saying things I didnt even know or doing things I wasnt aware of. It wasnt until one of my good friends came to me while I was questioning something about systems and let me talk to a guy who actually was a system and it turned out I checked almost every single box for being a system. Of course I continued to deny it like an idiot and even tried to repress my own thoughts out of fear that I truly was in an effort to try and get it to go away???? as if that would work??? hello what was I thinking. Eventually I started coming to terms with the fact I was a system and thats when more alters started popping up. Now for about the part of my system experience that people try to get at me for. Me and my alters can communicate really well, I can talk to them, they talk to me (for the most part) they talk to eachother and its lalalalalala. I barely have any memory fog and when I do the intensity seems to be weirdly fluid? Sometimes ill remember most stuff but other times my memory will just be blanker than a white sheet of paper. Ive tried to develop a way for my alters to be able to front when they need/want too and let other people know through emojis as my alters sometimes wanna pop around discord, this doesnt work all the time of course as sometimes we just forget or they dont want to change the emojis but its how we do it. After figuring out I was a system we all kinda...collectively banned together to not let the persecutor front? Hes a really bad guy im talking....really....really bad guy, we know we cant just hold him down forever but we try I guess. My fictives are an odd. Considering the fact they are almost all objects because thats the main type of media I consume? They all formed under very weird circumstances for some reason. Four of them just started developing randomly, one was spawned because of the stress of RETAIL apparently? And one spawned because of a lady at Walmart tryna square up because I scanned her item twice and she was tryna beat the life outa me r something. They dont act exactly like their sources and I mean thats fine they can do what they want. The weird thing I guess is the one that spawned because of the lady thing didnt even do anything when they arrived, the minute they kinda showed up they immediately backed off. I dunno where this post went I just wish there was a place I could talk freely about these guys and their antics.

[peri]

suicide tw a little later in the post, kinda heavy, kinda long. sorry i just need to talk about this

i was on youtube yesterday while trying to calm down from spiraling, and before i could find a video i wanted to put on, a 9 year old video my brother posted popped up. it didnt have any more than 10 views. knowing it'd be bittersweet, i clicked.

i was in 90% of the videos he posted. we'd be playing everything together. gaming videos, of course, if you dont know my brother, he's a gamer first person second. but in a well-adjusted way lol. he's like, really good at every game he plays and can beat them really quickly.

on one hand, it was really weird seeing my old self, even in video games. my typing style, the name i used, my character styles, etc. on the other, seeing my brother, young and so close to me, typing slow, awkward... it made me smile.

he and i used to be really close. we'd do everything together. he ... looked up to me. he talked to me. these days we've drifted. we don't ever text unless its a birthday, and then its just to say happy birthday, no conversation. i don't think we've had an actual conversation since i left. but even before then, the last time we really talked was when i was heavily suicidal and opened up about that to him finally. this was in late 2019, i believe.

he was caring, understanding, said he's struggled with it himself in the past, told me everything. and he said he would always be there for me.

it.. broke my heart, one night. we were all drinking, and he ended up getting emotional but none of us knew why. until eventually he started crying and just calling my name over and over. "oh, [deadname].... [name], [name], [name].... [name]! [name]! [name]!" it ripped my heart out, and just recalling it is painful. i knew exactly why he called my name. he was scared. he thought i was going to kill myself, and soon. and to be fair, at that point, i thought i was going to as well. i didn't tell him that, but he knew.

i'm crying lol. no one else ever knew why he did that. but i did. he was drunk out of his mind, so i ended up walking him back to his room and putting him to bed. he made me sit on his bed until he fell asleep. he fell asleep fairly quick, as he was very drunk and out of it. but he didnt want me to leave his side, so i stayed a little longer anyways.

that was the last time we were ever truly close. i wonder if he remembers that.

during my visit back to texas last year, i asked if he was mad at me. if he was ever upset that i left. he said no, he would never hold that against me. which was nice. but it did mean that the reason we drifted was just... for nothing. i mean, dont get me wrong, we'd been drifting for longer than that, the last few years i lived with him, he stayed alone in his room most of the time, and i never knew what to say. he's always been awkward, quiet, anxious, so talking wasnt easy. and i guess growing up made that feel impossible.

he eventually got a girlfriend, after years of me questioning if he was even into the idea of dating and romance at all lol, and she ended up living with us. im glad for her, coz she really turned his life around. but it did mean that i saw him even less. he was occupied with her.

theyre still together btw. his first ever relationship and its been years. good for him.

but anyways... i guess all of this just to say i miss him. i never thought we'd drift. it's hard to think about. hard to acknowledge.

looking back at those old youtube videos made me face that again. he was so young. so happy. so enthusiastic.

he had no idea what would happen.