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kivaember · 1 month

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Not sure if anyone's asked you this yet but PLEASE drop the walt/mich essay!!!

OKAY i went crazy and did an actual essay. im not joking this fucker is long. i'd open the read more in another tab, just to warn you.

ALSO ALSO! This was just me sitting down and rambling about things. It's a summarisation of my thoughts, and I pared it down since it was hitting 5k (it's about 4.4k words long lmao). If this essay has you thinking of specific questions and the like, feel free to ask and I'll try to answer them!

Now without further ado, my ramblings below:

THE WALTER/MICHIGAN SHIP ESSAY!

INTRO

That's right baby, I'm giving this an intro and everything. Alright, this essay is all about exploring and explaining my version of the Walter/Michigan ship using the characterisation I gave them for the APV verse. First I'm going to drill down into the individual characters, what makes them tick, their backstory, etc, before finally going into detail about how they mesh together as a ship and why they're both good yet terrible for each other.

THE WORLD LORE

To understand Michigan and Walter, we need to understand the type of world they were born into. Furlong Dynamics is a major powerhouse on the Jupiter colonies, owning several shipyards and carving a specific niche for themselves as the weapon-dealer for interstellar craft. They may not be as well-known or successful as Arquebus or Balam in the defence industry in terms of MTs or ACs, but if you're arming an interstellar craft, you sure as shit are going to use Furlong Dynamics weaponry.

Problem is in post-Fires age, that corner of the market is stagnating due to a lack of new interstellar craft being built. Prior to the discovery of Coral as an energy source, humanity had to do long-stasis and slow-walking their way across the galaxy, which meant trade and the like was incredibly limited between extrasolar colonies. With Coral, however, they were able to make tremendous technological shortcuts to create what they called the "C-Wave Drive". It functions a lot like the hypothetical Alcubierre Drive, with Coral producing the insane amounts of energy required and running the equally insane amounts of calculations needed to ensure the craft doesn't crush itself into a singularity (also, Coral has a very strange relationship with spacetime, the scientists found...). An added bonus as well was that these "C-Wave Drives" required no refuelling.

The interstellar craft needed crude fuel for sublight travel and other functionalities on the ship, but as for long-distance travel? There was no need to make pitstops or set aside cargo space for fuel, so many ships got used to just carrying a small amount that would allow them to travel as needed locally, as it would be easy to refuel when arriving at their destination as and when was needed.

Post-Fires changed this landscape drastically. Overnight, the interstellar craft market was rocked by the realisation that the previously thought limitless and abundant miracle substance that made FTL travel easy and convenient was now extremely finite had them all scrambling. The UEG openly seized every single galactic store of Coral from the corporations, citing "galactic security", and all orders for new interstellar craft - amongst other Coral technologies - instantly halted.

By Young Jupiter time (ten years post-Fires), Furlong Dynamics is beginning to feel the strain. They built their empire on focusing predominantly on interstellar craft - their designs, their weaponry, their engines - and their frantic R&D into solving the energy problem the Coral had shortcutted wasn't going very well. All that could be done was continue to maintain the existing ships that existed, as theoretically the C-Wave Drives could run indefinitely until some sort of mechanical failure happened due to wear and tear. As for new ships, the only ones being built were those utilising the old "slow-walker" engines, which meant bigger, bulkier, slower ships, with less room for ammunition fabrication and storage, and more for stasis compartment and fuel storage. Corporations that had specialised mostly in stasis technologies enjoyed an unexpected windfall, while those like Furlong Dynamic began to languish.

But as they say, shit rolls downhill. With the Corporations struggling to adjust to the Coral shortage and the UEG viciously hording the few galactic stores that remained, the working class found their workload increasing - heavily.

Factories that had benefited from the automation of Coral technologies found themselves in the position where they needed heavy reliance of human productive power. Yet they didn't want their productivity to lower thanks to human limitations, and neither did they want their profits to dent by either hiring too many workers, or paying the few higher wages to make up for the harder work. The few worker protections that had been steadily built up over the past few decades were immediately torn down and rescinded, and the working class were forced to work to maintain the corporations' and the UEG's productivity in their factories and fabrication facilities on basically starvation wages.

So, we have a world that has suffered from a fatal blow to the comfortable status quo. Furlong Dynamics is desperate to try and stem the bleed from their profits that the Coral shortage had started, and the boot has never been heavier on the working class's neck. It's an atmosphere that creates considerable tension within the various stratas of society, and the Jupiter colonies especially - known as the industrial powerhouse of the solar system - have become a bubbling pot. Any socialist talk or gatherings are viciously cracked down on by the corporate and government forces, and the workers are becoming increasingly frustrated and antagonised.

So it makes sense why Walter and Michigan initially have a bit of a rocky start, coming from these polar opposites of society. Michigan, the son of a Furlong Dynamic's director, and Walter, a Rubiconian refugee clawing his way out of the slums.

But alright, world context has been laid down, it's time for the character context. First up:

MICHIGAN - THE PRINCE WHO WANTS TO BE A PAUPER

So, Michigan. G1. Hell On Four Legs. Where did he come from, and who is he? To answer that, we need to look at his family... and Furlong Dynamics' leadership.

Every corporation is unique in its structure and the way it handles leadership. For example, Balam is well-known for its unusual meritocratic selection process for its CEO, though that hasn't exactly escaped the nepotism that pervades the upper echeleons of corporate society. Those with advantageous beginnings normally win the meritocratic race: they just have to work a little harder than most. Furlong Dynamics, however, are upfront about their leadership roles being hereditary.

Five families sit on the board for Furlong with one presiding as a CEO, a role that rotates every five years in a set pattern between the five families. This is a system that has worked for almost as long as Furlong Dynamics had existed (almost 300 years by this point), and needless to say that those five families were old money. They're the equivalent of an aristocracy in a hypercapitalistic galaxy.

One of these families is Rivera, which Michigan was born into as Gabriel Rivera. It was expected of him to succeed his father and sit on Furlong Dynamics' board as a director, so from a very young age he was prepped for this eventuality. His father dictated everything in his life, from his hobbies to what he wore and right down to what he ate. He was drilled in everything to do with business, politics and the interstellar industry, as his father was keen for Michigan to be ready and prepped for when he succeeded him, especially as Furlong Dynamics was entering a critical slump for the first time in its long history due to the Coral shortage. He didn't want his son to be the weak link.

Michigan despised this. He hated the people his father forced him to interact with, he hated the two-faced communication and backstabbing schemes he was encouraged to learn and inflict on others, he hated how boring yet stressful this kind of life was. Contrary to his personality later in life, Michigan was reclusive and anti-social when he was young - a direct result of his father's overbearing and relentless micromanaging - and when possible would hole himself up in his room and escape by watching classical films.

Classical films being... war films and action movies.

Though plenty of media had been lost when Earth suffered from ecological devastation, many had been salvaged throughout the centuries. It had begun from Michigan pilfering from his father's collection, something to put on display and boast about possessing rather than watching, and found himself hooked.

Brave soldiers heroically saving their comrades, taking charge of their destinies, denying fate, overcoming the odds, starting from the gutter and rising to the top from their own merits, making fire-forged friends that were genuine and not shallow transactional facades... this type of fantasy entranced Michigan, giving him a craving that he couldn't quite itch with his luxurious yet empty life. He desperately wished he had been born as some poor bastard whose only option was to join one of the corporate militaries, and distinguish himself by commiting acts of heroism, have people awed by him because of his own merits, and not because he is a Rivera and surrounded by brown-nosing sychophants.

It was a delusional dream driven by an intense desire to escape and forge a genuine connection with anyone, and after years of burying himself deeper and deeper in the propaganda belched out by these old action films (the message of 'war is hell' from the more solemn ones flying miles above his head), Michigan decided: he was going to disown himself and become an MT pilot.

Which he managed. To cut a long story short, Gabriel Rivera became just Michigan, the Rivera name used sparingly and only for legal reasons. He left behind the comfortable executive life to start at the very bottom of the pilot ranks, working his way up with grit and determination, denying any advantages or opportunities that came his way due to his blood or name. He wanted to emulate those heroes that he had watched in those films, he wanted to start with nothing and become something, all with his own efforts, and leave behind the Rivera name and reputation for good.

He started acting more like those gunslinger heroes, loud voice, boisterous personality, easy-going nature and possessing a masculine charm. He's always seeking that big, heroic event, that euphoric moment of victory and achieving the impossible against the odds... but he never really found it. Even after abandoning Furlong Dynamics entirely to jump ship to Balam, he realised that it was just more of the same, his battles against downtrodden workers protesting against their inhumane treatment, or furthering corporate interests over some useless moon in the middle of nowhere. There was no glory or higher purpose - just the company's bottom line.

Michigan started his piloting career as a rich kid craving adventure, naive to the true gritty nature of the galaxy. After decades of piloting under his belt and with an intimiate insight on both sides of the corporate ladder - both at the bottom and the top - to say Michigan was jaded by the time he landed on Rubicon would be an understatement.

He learned that there's no such thing as big damn heroes in this shitty galaxy. All the titles and medals he earned were just window dressings to whatever shitty advertisement his corporate master touted to bolster its reputation or sales. He hated his "Hero of Jupiter" title, and he took great pleasure in launching his "medals" off a cliff and into the ocean like they were frisbees. He hated that in the end his father had been right, that becoming a pilot wouldn't let him run away from the corporate lifestyle, it'd just throw him down to the very bottom and get him trampled

In short, Michigan's a man who tried to forge his own destiny by following a childish dream. His naivety resulted in him being trapped in a life that only had one escape - crawling back to his father and retaking the name Gabriel Rivera - and he viewed that worse than being a corporate attack dog with no real freedom. He'd rather die in some shitty hole in a random ditch somewhere over some pointless resource that meant nothing to him. Was it pride by that point, or stubbornness? He really didn't know.

He just knew that he was just another guy suckered in by the corporations' glitzy and false promises.

WALTER - THE AVENGER WHO KNOWS HE'S DIGGING A GRAVE FOR MILLIONS

Walter, meanwhile, was born to a privileged family of a different sort.

A good few decades before the Fires, Rubicon had done the unthinkable in human history: it had broken away from the UEG and declared independence, becoming a self-sustaining colony with a distinct identity - and able to negotiate with the fuming UEG on equal footing due to its sole access to Coral and its development of the C-weapons. The UEG couldn't take Rubicon or its resources by force (though it surely contemplated it from time to time), and so begrudgingly dealt with them as a peer, legitimising Rubicon as an independent colony and allowing it to forge its own desinty on the galactic stage.

While UEG and its many colonies functioned as a hypercapitalist ogligarchy, Rubicon became a technocracy, with the Rubicon Research Institute having considerable sway over the Rubiconian central government - to the point where it was understood that despite the elected 'president', it really was the Institute that was in charge. This gave rise to the 'intellectual elite', the scientists and academics who ran the Institute - the class that Walter belonged to before the Fires.

His parents were both scientists that worked on the Xylem and lived on-site. They were passionate about their work with the Coral and highly respected within their community, but while they clearly loved Walter, he was always second priority to their research and ambitions. Walter was the only child growing up in the labs (at least, the only one that wasn't a test subject of some kind), and only ever interacted with adults - all of whom were scientists or the security staff. He had never left the Xylem either, his concept of the 'outside world' being the small, sanitised courtyard with the lone tree, and the street he could see past the bars of the labratory's secure and gated exit. While he had some freedom of movement within the facility, there were areas he was barred from entering due to sensitive experiments, or to minimise his interaction with detained test subjects.

As a result, Walter became scarily self-sufficient from a young age, and came across as taciturn or emotionally stunted. He spoke like an adult but struggled to navigate social situations in general, unable to sugarcoat his words and coming across as rude or abrasive when speaking to others. While he found himself occasionally curious about interacting with people who weren't harried scientists that barely tolerated his prolonged presence, Walter genuinely found himself unbothered about his isolation. He was lonely, yes, but he occupied himself well enough, and filled the long stretches of time in furthering his education - determined to become a scientist like his parents and continuing on their work, as what was expected of him.

Then his father began the augmentations and everything went terribly wrong.

His mother volunteered to be Gen Zero, the prototype used to present to the Institute to have the augmentation project greenlighted. Initially, things went well. His mother suffered no significant drawbacks, and demonstrated an incredible boost in mental acuity and calculation power that current neural implants couldn't even begin to compare to. Once the Gen Ones were well underway, however, with a significant death rate at that, his mother began to rapidly degrade, physically and mentally. Walter's last memory of his mother was her unable to recognise him and talking to people who weren't there, knowing that it was the Coral's fault somehow.

His father was driven to perfect the augmentations to ensure his wife's sacrifice wasn't in vain. In Walter's words, he began a carnival of horrors within his labs, killing and mutiliating hundreds within his labs in his pursuit of the refining the augmentation process, with the Institute pumping unlimited resources, funding and test subjects into the project. The glimpse of the future Gen Zero showed them had them eager to achieve that perfection, no matter how many bodies they had to stack up.

It disgusted Walter. While he had never been emotionally close with his parents, he had still respected them, and to see his mother reduced to a crazed husk of herself before dying and his father turning into a monster, destroyed the pedastal he'd put them on. Walter found himself fostering a near irrational hatred for the Coral, rationalising that none of this would've happened if Coral had never been discovered - if it had never existed. He wished, vehemently, for it to disappear.

He got his wish with the Fires.

While the augmentations had made Walter view the Coral with a negative lens, seeing the damage it could do in the wrong hands, the Fires cinched it as a traumatic avatar of destruction in Walter's mind. The Coral was too dangerous to exist in their galaxy, not with how greedy humans could be, and blind to the dangers in pursuit of power. But his motivations weren't noble: he absolutely despised the legacy it represented, how he couldn't hear the word 'Coral' without thinking of his father, his mother, and how everything was robbed from him. It seeded in him an obsession, a hateful, vengeful obsession, because focusing on that, on gunning for a tangible entity that you've vowed to destroy, is far easier to stomach than processing the fact that your life was utterly ruined by selfish ambitions and a freak accident.

Overnight Walter went from part of the very prestigious intellectual elite on Rubicon, to a penniless refugee on one of Jupiter's colonies: Ganymede. It was a shock to the system to find himself in a world where food wasn't simply there whenever he desired it, that shelter wasn't a given, and that clinical cleanliness was a privilege, not a right. He fortunately had Carla with him, though, and while the first few years were rocky, they managed to find their footing by creating a scrapping service in the Ganymede slums, Carla using her previous experience in R&D at the Institute, and Walter his education, to repurpose old tech and mechs or salvage somewhat valuable tech to sell on.

From there, they began to plot, to focus their shared hatred and distrust of the Coral to really make sure it was gone for good, that it wouldn't come back. In the filthy slums beneath Ganymede, with a promise made between two emotionally exhausted yet furious Rubiconian refugees, Overseer was born.

But that's its own story.

Walter's endless conga line of misfortune did well to harden him and make him adaptable to unpleasant surprises. He always expects shit to go wrong at the most inconvenient times, he doesn't trust a single person to do the right thing even if he's known them for years (Carla, who all but raised him, he only trusts to a certain extent), and he realised how hypocritical most people could be. Though he was born as one of the intellectual elite, witnessing and experiencing first hand the oppression and indignity the working class suffered in UEG territories genuinely sickened him - and cemented in his mind that this galaxy couldn't be trusted with the Coral at all.

He had to destroy it for good. He had to make sure it could never come back and hurt anyone else. He had to erase every drop of legacy his shit-for-brains father had built and let history bury him forever. Walter, for all of his outwardly cold and emotionless masks, feels deeply and intently, and all of it is bitter rage.

Walter just doesn't know how to process his emotions well - he was never taught, and he missed those vital milestones with his lonely childhood, locked away in an ivory tower filled with nothing but scientists and test subjects. He feels so much over his father, the Fires, the Coral, but has no idea how to sort through it all. So he stuffs it away. He keeps his gaze fixed on the horizon where his mission to destroy the Coral hangs. He tells himself that once he destroys it for good, it'll all go away: these incomprehensible, heavy and painful emotions. The source of them all will be gone.

Imagine that: condeming millions to death because of crippling, unaddressed daddy issues.

THE SHIP ITSELF

Right, with all that context given, onto the part people really care about: so, why does the Walter/Michigan ship pair well? Or at least, why does APV Walter/Michigan pair well.

Michigan's POV:

From Michigan's side, he's fascinated with Walter. Everything about him just doesn't make sense. He's a 'sewer rat', a working class drone that managed to claw their way out of the muck and elevate his social standing through stubborn grit and determination - but his demeanour belies that. Walter demonstrates a level of education and sophistication that the working class just don't have. Michigan has grown up on Ganymede, and despite the high-ranking executives living in their gated communities and busying themselves with the day-to-day running of their businesses, they do keep an eye on what the working class are up to.

The corporations have perfected subjugation and propaganda to an artform. They can only achieve this if they know their target audience. Michigan knows, as any self-respecting Rivera knows, how the working class tick, their current worries and desires, the statistical trends of their few purchases and which style of propaganda they're most receptive to. Walter fits none of the established norms for Ganymede working class - he doesn't even have a recognisable Jupiter colony accent - so he already presents himself as an interesting puzzle for Michigan to break down.

There's also some genuine respect there too. Michigan acknowledges that Water had to work hard to get where he was, and he appreciates that Walter doesn't mince his words or beat around the bush. He's blunt, direct and isn't in the business of brown-nosing or fawning to ingratiate himself. You always knew where you stood with Walter, or so Michigan felt, and admittedly, Walter reminded him a lot of a certain character achetype in his precious films: the underdog, the guy you ended up rooting for just because he worked so fucking hard for what he wanted.

So, to Michigan, Walter's interesting, he's mysterious, and he's a representation of what Michigan wanted for himself. He wants to be like Walter: a poor as shit refugee making something of himself, with a whole future to distinguish himself and build his own reputation, to forge himself in fire! Michigan is mildly envious, but thinks as well that if he sticks close to him, he'll be able to live vicariously through him, to get a taste of dream he really wanted to achieve...

And because he's so fascinated with Walter, he starts to learn all of his tics and mannerisms too. He begins to understand the minute shifts of Walter's expressions, what he leaves unsaid and knowing when Walter is feeling but just doesn't know how to express or word himself. Michigan is the more emotionally intelligent of the two, and very perceptive despite how he acts. Combined with his easy-going nature and his respect for Walter's hardworking nature and competency, this helped him break through a few of Walter's walls - despite Walter doing his best to rebuild them as fast as possible.

Not to say they don't butt heads: they butt heads a lot. Arguing is their favourite pasttime. They challenge each other, and Michigan knows that he can say whatever and Walter can dish it out right back. Walter doesn't give a shit about any potential ties Michigan may have to the Rivera family - he just gives a shit about Michigan waking him up at 6am and asking him to go running with him. He snaps at him, argues with him, insults him... he treats him as Michigan, and this is what Michigan cares about the most.

Walter's POV:

Meanwhile, Walter's feelings towards Michigan are very complicated. He's irritated by what he sees as Michigan's nosiness towards his private affairs, and he doesn't appreciate him trying to figure him out. Mostly because he doesn't want him figuring out his true identity. Walter wanted to sever any and all ties between him and his father's legacy, and he and Carla took great pains to have no one realise that he was the famous Dr Kohler's son. And the disowned heir of the Rivera family? Definitely in the best position to connect the dots.

But Michigan's also the first person to ever just... treat him normally and roll with his verbal punches. People are usually scared away by Walter's cold attitude and sharp words, but Michigan gave as good as he got, and always shrugged off Walter's meaner comments. It left Walter at a bit of a loss, and after a while he slowly desensitised to Michigan's presence. He rationalised that it's just pointless wasting energy trying to chase off Michigan, but the fact was he... ended up liking his company. He had no idea socialising could be so enjoyable, once you learned to tolerate their more aggravating parts.

There's also a colder and more pragmatic side too: Michigan is useful to him, as a son of an executive, disgraced or not. Walter is aware enough to acknowledge that a small chunk of his tolerance is proportional to Michigan's use for him, but in his mind he sees it as an expected part of their relationship. It's transactional, what they share (or so he tells himself). He offers entertainment to Michigan, who in turns offers the same - and lets Walter take advantage of the few perks being "friends" with an executive's son offers.

He tells himself he can't get attached - he has his mission after all - but by this point Walter's good at ignoring his feelings and burying himself under six feet of concrete denial. He clings to the rationalisation that they're just "friends with benefits" for years, that from the beginning they were only making use of each other - there wasn't really anything there. Even to him that sounded hollow when he finally cut ties and left, to pursue his hopeless and doomed mission. He never really stopped thinking about Michigan, the what-ifs.

He hated it.

...

Also they both share a hatred of their respective fathers, so they Get That. They're part of the Dads Suck club.

CONCLUSION

So basically........ they're gay, your honour.

#armored core #armored core 6 #handler walter #g1 michigan #ship essay #i finally wrote it...#i don't write essays often but this was kinda fun to do #even if just to put my thoughts down or something #welp i hope people enjoy uwu

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tuliptic · 1 year

Text

Flying In The Night : Turbulence In My Heart

Our hearts have been through a lot of ups and downs, and sometimes, the downs persist more than the ups. With it being this rough, what are the messages we need to hear to soothe our hearts and to provide any needed clarity?

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: What messages does your weary heart need to hear? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1 - Pile 2

Pile 3 - Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or images used here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sween Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1

Overall theme: The Hierophant

This pile feels like they wanna go safe, wanna play it safe, kinda vibe. Conservative and traditional aren’t the words I’m trying to find here, but they’re someone who sticks to whatever they’ve done, and will use the same method over and over again, having smol fears of trying something new or a new method. The legit play it safe.

What has happened, what has caused this turbulence? Eight of Wands

Pile 1, since you’re used to taking your time to deal with things at your pace, you found it extremely challenging when new challenges come your way at a very fast pace. This probably happened in a short period of time continuously, and you’re unable to catch up to doing a lot at the same time. And the feeling of incompetence slowly eats you up and you panic, not knowing how you’re supposed to be doing what you’re called to do.

Why did it happen? The Moon rx

It’s telling you to face your fears, to make a change. You know the phases of the moon? How it constantly changes? Yeah that. Remember the Moon is only reflecting the light of the Sun based on where it’s positioned. You’ll need to find your position, where you can reflect the Sun’s brightness the best, so that you’ll be able to also shed light. You’re probably, currently in the phase of the new moon, where you’re unable to show your best to others. It’s time for you to make changes (your fear) to find where your strength lies. Dream. Dream far, dream wild. It’s time that you make changes towards a new you.

What should I learn from this? Six of Swords rx

Understand that there’s a stagnation, that there’s this part in you that’s been resisting change, and that you should take actions against it. Life's a long journey and you can’t keep resisting changes that are aimed to make your life better. Big moves, big waves will still come to you, and if you’re unable to let go of the baggages on you, you won’t be able to move away from them and will get crashed (crushed) again and again. Let them go, move towards a better and safer direction, and you’ll realize what you’ve been missing out this entire while.

What can I do now? Nine of Swords

Conquer your fears. Fear is a persistent theme in this pile and you’re called to conquer them, make changes, face them and fight them. Flight isn’t gonna help forever, buttering them up is also not gonna help. You gotta fight the fears, do not let them have any power over you. Ask for help when needed. But also be willing to receive them when the universe sends help to you.

How long will this last? Six of Cups

When you’ve conquered your battles, you’ll be able to be more at peace with yourself and be able to start nurturing yourself. That’s when the hurt and turbulence in your heart will slow down. I wouldn’t say that it will completely be gone, but at least, you’ll be able to manage through it and no longer let it affect you. It’ll prolly appear from time to time at the back of your head, but it would be easier to push it away. Open up your arms and wrap them around you, start with nurturing yourself.

What will be the outcome? Queen of Wands rx

You’ll have a more established sense of self. See, you’re now the Queen. Instead of watching out, you’ll be watching yourself more and you’ll be able to give yourself the credit for going through all these ups and downs. You would’ve found your confidence by then and will be able to stand up for yourself and look at yourself with the same respect you’ve given others.

Clarity : Ten of Wands rx

This card talks about having all the burdens on you. But with it in reverse, I feel that it’s prompting you to let go of the unneeded burdens you’re carrying. You gotta stop repressing yourself and that you’re capable of letting them go. Don’t say you can’t. You’re just getting ready to let them go, okay?

Extra messages:

For some reason, I thought of Virgo Moon, so some of you may have that placement or Moon in Virgo may be a significant time for you. Know that our future doesn’t define who we are, but we ourselves define our own future. We are unable to see them right now but it doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s alright to take baby steps, and it’s alright to take a break tonight, as long as you have a clear goal on where you wanna arrive.

Overall energy: The Lovers, Eight of Pentacles

Some of you may be interested in learning a new skill? But also I’m seeing that y’all are interested and are determined to be better in what y’all are doing. Love yourself, let the world see you’re loving yourself. Let yourself be the source of warmth, so that you can warm others as well as yourself. Glory and victory only will follow after that.

Pile 2

Overall theme: The Tower rx

There’s an unexpected change that came to you, something that you definitely do not welcome and you have a hard time accepting it. However, the situation does not allow you to not accept it. You’re reminded that things happen for a reason, even when that reason is unacceptable to you. You are called to pay close attention to your heart and mind, and to not let fear or uncertainties distract you.

What has happened, what has caused this turbulence? Queen of Swords

Immediately I thought of a mother figure. The oracle cards came out after that further proves it. It’s making me feel that your mother, or a mother figure, or a beloved older woman with air signs in her chart (think Libra, Aquarius, Gemini) has hurted you with words that were sharp and blunt at the same time, like it stabbed your heart and hit you with it together. Not to mention that some of them are actually unwanted, unsolicited advice that doesn’t help anything with your life.

Why did it happen? Page of Pentacles

For you to be able to see and acknowledge that some things in life need to be cut off so that you can have a new beginning. For some reasons, I feel that it’s like a reason for you to start something new, something totally fresh. It’s like… Giving up everything in your hometown and leaving for a new town with just a backpack, starting a new job and finding a new house and making new friends in another city. Kinda feeling. I have another feeling that earth seasons (think Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo seasons) are significant for you or will be the time you’ve decided to take action on your life.

What should I learn from this? King of Swords

You need to be more critical in thoughts, know what to take in and what not to take in. There are truths and there are non-truths, you need to be critical and have to understand what and why. Maybe you can learn how to apply 5W1H in conversations and see how you work it out. Another thing I’m seeing is that you’ll need to protect yourself and counter back with words when needed. The King of Swords in my deck looks like he’s surrounded by spikes. Which means, he’s protecting himself and doesn’t give anyone the chance to hurt him. Anyone who attempts to hurt him will go through the process of hurting themselves before they could do any potential damage.

What can I do now? Ten of Pentacles rx

Weirdly, I see leaving the family. Ten of Pentacles gives me the vibe of a successful family. And it in reverse gives the feeling that the family is no longer a situation that’s beneficial for you. It’s like you’re an outcast in the family and you’re advised to leave the household.

Another interpretation I’m seeing here is also getting a pet? So that you have a new problem to deal with to distract yourself from old problems. But also pets are helpful in healing and getting you out of certain situations, including your family. So yeah, it’s worth considering.

I honestly can’t get much out of this card in this position, so if you have some other interpretations, please feel free to share them with me.

How long will this last? Seven of Swords rx

Until you’ve gotten out of a situation that is no longer working for you. Perhaps you feel burdened with responsibilities, or there’s a sense of attachment to whatever that is in the current household. This card may be asking you to let go of all your baggage, old swords that are no longer usable for combat and try to face the future bravely.

Also, if you’re behaving dishonestly, you should really stop it, cuz your sneakiness will be brought to light soon.

What will be the outcome? Knights of Swords rx

You’ve learnt the need to be more wary, especially with newcomers into your life. I feel that whatever you’ve been through has made you more… Aware of who you’re dealing with and what they will be bringing into your life. You’ve learnt to not share your energy with people who do not deserve them and will focus on your life more.

Clarity: Three of Swords

You are called to surrender any old, limiting beliefs and to heal. Healing is a long process but you’ve been hurt for a long time and the wounds keep stacking up. You’ll need to clean those wounds and protect it, apply ointments (nourish your soul) and with time, it’ll heal properly and there will no longer be any inflammations (triggers due to past trauma). It’s going to be a long journey but have faith. One day, you’ll realize that you’ve been reborn into limitless possibilities, and that you’re able to have hope with life again.

Extra words from me:

There are a LOT of Swords cards coming out for this pile. Anything that’s related to words, intellect, communication are huge themes for this pile. Misunderstandings or verbal arguments are something to be watched out over here, as it affects you more than you can ever think of. Coming up next is Pentacles. And that’s it. Y’all only have Swords and Pentacles in your reading. The theme surrounding Pentacles is work, finance, career, stability. So themes of this can be your concerns, how you are needed to proceed/progress from here. These two themes are significant and you may want to look and evaluate how you’re dealing with these items. Don’t give up and continue your dreams as your resolution will be the light that shines you through the darkest nights. Your future is there, shining brightly even when you can’t see it. Just keep going. Release the old and embrace the new. You’ll grow into a new you.

Overall energy: The Lover, The Emperor

This combination came to me as a rather funny one as one gives out a gentle and positive vibe while the other gives out a serious, stern and stoic vibe. Be your own lover. Love yourself. I don’t wanna quote BTS here but really, love yourself. Let the world see how you’ve been loving and caring for yourself. Investigative energy with a strength of authority here as well. Let yourself be the ruler of your own life.

Pile 3

Overall theme: Judgment

Right off the bat, I feel that there’s a heavy energy of Judgment on you. You fear Judgment, yet you welcome it. It’s a mixed feeling. Like… You’re meant to fear but also to execute it. You’re the judge, and you’re also the one receiving judgment from the people you’ve judged. It’s strong and silent.

What has happened, what has caused this turbulence? The High Priestess

Immediately I thought about spirituality, unhappy or fearful spiritual experiences. Some of you may start to have your third eye opening and you’ve been thrown into spiritual experiences which you definitely did not welcome. But it still happened. The challenges came forth too strongly and the moment you stepped out of your comfort zone, you were wounded badly and you shrunk back into it again.

Why did it happen? Five of Cups rx

That aside, I’m also seeing possibilities of you not believing in your intuition, in your gut feeling, and the end results are telling you that you should’ve listened to them. I’m feeling themes of secrecy and betrayal as well from this card.

For the first group, it’s a sign of affirmation that yes, you have gifts, and that you’re called to use it for the betterment of people, starting with yourself. It’s a gift for you for self-introspection, for you to notice the various possible outcomes instead of the upsetting ones. For the other group, you have been focusing too much on the various negative connotations and something needs to happen for the balance to shift. Else, you’ll be easily consumed by your inner demons. Life’s challenges have been giving you opportunities to learn the various lessons of this journey. Are you picking up on this?

What should I learn from this? Three of Wands

Learn to move away, walk away from whatever sadness, and welcome new beginnings. Make sure that your eyes are set to a brighter future waiting for you and progress towards it. Move forward and dive deep into what’s awaiting you. Fear not, you’re not alone, you have your friends walking with you. Creative abilities are also prominent here imo, so maybe you can unleash/unlock them and use them to help yourself.

What can I do now? Five of Wands rx

Let go of whatever tension that there is. Sometimes, and maybe often, things happen because it needs to happen. You can’t stop the Universe from doing its thing (or shit, depending how you wanna see it). If it’s something that can be controlled by humans then that’s cool you know who to find, but most of the time it's unpredictable. I know it’s difficult to accept things but. The more you refuse to accept certain things, the more you’re in conflict with yourself. Might as well just roll with the punches and see where life leads you.

How long will this last? Four of Wands rx

Until you have your inner harmony. It honestly surprises me how the cards connect. Once you’ve decided to let go of whatever tension that has been on your shoulders and in your head, only you’ll be able to work on your inner harmony. There’s a lot of abundance that you have in your life, but it’s up to you to work it out and to put it to good use. Know that you’re on the right path and you should just step out and continue progressing.

What will be the outcome? Nine of Swords

This card is known to have a negative connotation, but I feel that you’ll be able to use your pain and your experience to help those who are having a similar problem/pain. Your eyes can see through the soul and pain of others and you’re capable of extending your help to them, no matter how dark the night may be.

Clarity : The Moon

The Moon talks about spiritual themes and also fear, which I believe is still within you. Know that this reading and other signs that you have seen are powerful messages from your guides and that you should trust your feelings. Take your time to heal, and you’ll be amazed at how much of a natural healer you are. In terms of astrology, the Moon is a luminary, which means it lights up (well due to it reflecting the light of the Sun but we’ll leave the science aside). And I can see that you’re also lighting up the lives or people around you.

Extra cards: Ten of Cups, King of Wands, Five of Pentacles

These cards decided to fall out again so I took them but the message is probably slightly shorter than the previous parts. Ten of Cups talk about complete harmony, perfect alignment. Paired with the King of Wands, I feel that it’s telling you that you’re on your path to be that leader of your life, to be in complete harmony with the inner you. But also, right now the path is like Five of Pentacles, a feeling of brokenness and sadness, a phase of stagnation. Once you’ve gotten past it, you’ll be able to step out with courage and show the world your charm. We feel fear cuz we feel like we can’t see our future but know that the sun also hides at times, but we know it’s there. It’s the same with our blinding and beautiful future.

Overall energy: Wheel of Fortune, Queen of Wands rx

It feels like Fate is turning and it’s redirecting you to your self confidence, redirecting you to find your inner strength, redirecting you to find your gifts and powers. Queen of Wands also talks about spirituality and clairvoyant abilities so some of you may be awakening those gifts. Just let Fate and your confidence lead you to where you are.Open up yourself to inspiration and watch creativity and power flow through you. Believe in your intuition and run on the path that you’re supposed to be on.

Pile 4

Overall theme: Strength rx, The Hermit rx

Two cards fell out for this pile and I’m taking them both. There’s a feeling of lostness and frailness when I saw these two cards together. It’s like… Someone is lost and they’re flailing around, trying to find their way out of whatever tunnels they’re in right now. They should be calm and to look at the hints around there to get their way out, but no, they’ve not been doing it, and they’ve been destroying the hints with every flail of their movement.

What has happened, what has caused this turbulence? Six of Wands rx

There’s a feeling of defeat I’m sensing from this pile. It’s like… You’ve been dethroned and there’s someone better who’s sitting in the place you’ve used to sit in. It’s like you’re no longer in your old days of old glory. It’s like seeing someone younger being more successful than you, and you are just looking at them, mind empty of what you’re supposed to be thinking of.

Why did it happen? The Sun

It is telling you that The Sun will be out soon. Sure, it’s dark right now, but it isn’t as scary as you think it is. Think of the dark as a chance to know what Light feels like, how the warmth of The Sun feels like. Pay close attention to your heart and mind, do not allow the fear and darkness to distract you.

But also, for some reason, I feel that this Sun also acts as a warning for you to not be too egoistic. It feels like it’s saying “Too much Sun will burn the ground dry, so it’s time for your days of success to dry up since you’re not keeping your ego in check.” So yeah, check which group you are.

What should I learn from this? The Hierophant

That tradition also plays a part. See, a lot of us tend to look down on tradition and think that it’s the new age, where we focus on coming up with new ideas. And sometimes, venturing into new things without referring to the past advice/examples may get us too far and we fall. This is the time where we sit and review back what our predecessors have done and we should also learn from them. There’s a balance that’s needed between the new and the old.

What can I do now? Three of Pentacles

Work together with your friends, your team, and everyone who wants to work with you. Learn from your mistakes and stand up again, work together again, build everything up again. You’ve done it in the past and you can do it again. You have the resources, the experiences, everything you need is there. All that you now need is a healthier mindset and a great team to get everything going again. And this time, it will be smoother and better. Trust in yourself.

How long will this last? Eight of Cups

Until you’ve successfully walked away from your past. Your past here is defined as anything that has been holding you back and doing nothing beneficial in your life. You hanging onto your past victory? Has to go. You are resentful towards the one winning your throne. That resentment has to go. Once you’ve moved from the old to the new, only then you’ll be able to welcome a new future that’s been specifically tailored for you. Holding onto the past stops you from arriving at your future so yeah you should get what I’m talking about here.

What will be the outcome? Two of Swords

Mental clarity is what I’m seeing here. Once you’ve passed the stage of leaving what no longer helps you, you’ll be needing to make a decision. Sometimes it’s difficult to take down the things that are covering our eyes, so we need to rely on our other senses. Similarly, sometimes we can’t see or judge things fairly, hence, we turn to our friends and people we trust to hear their thoughts. Know that everything lies with timing. The timing is just right for your dreams, desires and goals to manifest.

Clarity : Knight of Cups rx

There’s moodiness here as well as unrealistic imagination. For some reason, I’m feeling that some of y’all are just imagining scenes in your head as a way of escaping from this real world. Not saying you can’t, but there’s a limit to it. Those imaginations can be realistic or totally wild, magical kinda imaginations, but remember to come back to the present after those thoughts.

Extra messages:

Mystery may shroud around your future, making it a darkness that you don’t know. But still, the darkness isn’t scary, as it’s a chance for you to understand the importance and presence of light, of the sun. Failure for this time is another step to victory. Find your passion and don’t let go of it. It’s still scary to face the things I like but I’m no longer the transparent person I used to be.

Overall energy: The Magician, Eight of Wands

Pile 4, you’re probably manifesting your own reality, and it’s moving at a fast pace, so fast that you may not be able to catch up with it. To catch up with it, you’re called to release any olds that are remaining in you and to embrace the new, allow yourself to grow into your very best self.

Thank you for reading until the end! Feedbacks and reblogs are always appreciated! See you soon in another reading!

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onomatopiya · 10 months

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writer tag game!

hiiii thank you @avi-why for tagging me this game seems so fun :D

1. is there a common piece of writing advice that you disagree with? alternatively, is there one you think (generally) most people should follow?

oooooh okay! generally i dislike any hard absolutes like "don't use adverbs ever" because i mean. no piece of advice like that will ever be universal and it's important to consider what Your Piece of writing needs rather than trying to fit a set of ~arbitrary guidelines~

as for advice i think works, i think consistency in writing will always be key to improvement. i like. very heavily stagnated in actual writing after covid (i was like. good lord i was 15 then. wild) because i got bogged down trying to make my book Perfect. and i think if i had actually written more during that time i would be a much better writer now! more writing = more improvement and practice makes pretty damn close to perfect etc etc

2. you can have dinner with any author, living or dead. but the catch is that after the dinner, you and that author will team up against a third writer in a no holds barred cage match throwdown. which 2 authors do you pick?

OOOOH ok. i'm currently very enamored with andrew joseph white and lee mandelo's writing because they both write GORGEOUS prose so maybe one of them? OOO or r.f. kuang . i think tolstoy should get got in the cage match. cry old man

3. have you ever experimented with poetry, plays, or screenwriting? what was the result?

YES i have and now i have a web series. help girl this was not supposed to be longer than a short fiction piece and yet. also shameless self plug you can read my web series about a dead girl haunting her own narrative HERE: https://gloryburning.substack.com/

i do want to experiment more with poetry though!!! that's one medium i haven't really dipped my toes into so to speak

4. what type of rancid twitter discourse would your current wip generate?

oh god what discourse WOULDN'T rr spark. i definitely think having an aroace mc weaponize someone else's attraction to him is probably um. discourse worthy. my top fear is that someone unironically ships lahar (romance and sex repulsed aroace) with anthony (horrible white savior who has no semblance of self) some other notable things that happen in the book:

diversity loss the capitalist kendall roy ass character (anthony) is gay

people of color get to KILL

ruh roh! tragedy :(

horrible horrible body augmentations with dangerous and ableist implications

so much murder. so much assassination. god bless

5. what author would you love to be compared to? what author would you hate to be compared to?

OOOOOOH . uhhhh i love so many authors oh god. i do love neil gaiman i would be so floored if someone compared me to that guy. OH and terry pratchett . probably would not want to be compared to like. jkr. booooo

6. design the ideal piece of merch/swag for your wip.

oh this one is so me bait. i have serious merch and then deeply unserious merch

7. free space: what's one thing you really want to talk about in your writing that no one ever asks about?

I LOVE soulmate horror and just. idk taking different concepts and hitting them with my aroace beam. i love aroace horror i love aroace people. and i think there should be more weird aspec fiction

and question time. putting them below the cut along with tags

what's the first story you can remember writing? how does it compare to the way your writing has evolved? where do you see your writing going in the future?

what parts of yourself (if any) have gone into your current wip? alternatively, how would you fare if you were suddenly dropped into your own wip?

what's one quality of your writing that feels completely unique? what's one thing you want to improve upon in the future?

make or share a meme that you feel captures the essence of your wip.

what are your goals as a writer? do you want to publish? is your writing for your eyes only?

which of your characters is your favorite to write and why?

free space: feel free to be self indulgent--do you have any aus or your wips? if so, what, and if not, what aus/fanfic would you write of your work?

tagging: @macywrites, @cream-and-tea, @saltwaterbells, @coffeeandcalligraphy, @wren-is-writing, @encrucijada, @snowinks, @chayscribbles, @cuntylittlesalmon, and anyone else who wants to do this

#writeblr #tag game #writblr

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neonseperatedau · 2 years

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Prime Leo AU Tribute

Ever since @mama-we-all-go-to-huesos posted their concept for their Prime Leo AU, it has lived rent-free in my head. Also thanks to some dear discord friends, I felt inspired to imagine how this AU might have started. This goes without saying but this is not at all canon but just my headcanon and a tribute for a wonderful artist and an super intriguing concept. (If it’s not okay to post this snippet for the OG artist I’ll of course delete it!) Beware TW: Mentions of violence, mental torment

The rain fell as if somebody had slowed down time to half its usual speed. Drop per drop moved through space unbound by any of Earth’s physics. But he wasn’t on Earth anymore, wasn’t he? Leo lay out-stretched on the ground, glancing up at the weird phenomena. He hesitated to try and taste the water, nothing in this dimension was as he expected it so it wouldn’t be surprising if this liquid would be poisonous. “Hey,” he called out, knowing that HE was nearby and listening. Without waiting for an answer, the turtle asked: “Is that water safe? Do we need it to survive?” There was a silence that felt like it stretched out time like the slow-motion rain before the voice of Krang Prime came from somewhere to the right: “You should have noticed by now that you don’t get hungry or thirsty. It’s not necessary to wonder these sorts of frivolous things here.” That was true. Leo had expected that he would first die of thirst and even after all this time, he felt fine. Well actually, his very first fear had been that his enemy would finish his job out of mere spit and frustration. Curiously, at one point, Krang had stopped and left Leo to bleed and cry by himself. After he had done that for so long, Leo believed he had lost his mind, the turtle had started counting. Counting the seconds, minutes, and hours, he lost track dozens of times. The carcasses of ancient Krangs watched him from all corners of the contained endlessness with the patience only the dead could afford. That’s how Leo learned the horror of stagnation. He propped himself up to look at his fellow prison inmate. Still wearing the suit, the alien was standing on the edge of the free-floating plateau they were on. “Hey,” he called out again. No reaction. “Why are we still here?” Finally, Krang Prime turned to him. “Is this supposed to be one of your sarcastic retorts?” he growled. “Nah, too exhausted for those.” Leo wondered if it would make him feel any better if he would spend eternity making bad puns. He continued: “I meant why am I still alive? I didn’t bleed out, but you could simply crush me with brute force if you would feel like it.” It's not like this question is a spontaneous suggestion or anything like that. It was more a mystery that the longer he pondered about the more it didn’t give him any comfort. Quite the contrary, it unsettled him. Krang’s pinkish core glared at him. It was difficult to read the expression of a half-chewed giant gum with too many teeth. At last, he came to a conclusion because he trotted toward Leo. “To tell you the truth, I wanted to finish you off at first. You are the source of all my agony, the one who forced me AGAIN into this cursed place.” Leo sat up but didn’t do anything as the alien came closer. He was so damn tired, and he started to hate infinity. Lifting his head up in a sluggish motion, he stared right at the red eye of the Krang armor that now towered above him. “And then it dawned on me,” he continued, “there are worse things than death at this place and I can see that you are already learning this lesson as well. So, I wondered, what would happen if I would turn my greatest foe into an extension of myself.” With a lightning-quick movement, the claws of Krang Prime grabbed Leo’s arms and held him tight. He wanted to turn his head away but realized too late that he was caught in its red pulsating light and was physically unable to blink anymore. “What you’re about to see is my glorious conquest through the galaxy. Every battle, every victory, and the few losses. The annihilations and dominations, the powers gained, and the worlds discovered. Everything, I will burn into your tiny mortal mind.” The memories came rushing in, just as he had said. Dozens and dozens and hundreds and hundreds of images of violence and power and pain and Leo screamed, his voice echoing through the space while raindrops fell down on him with endless care and patience.

#prime leo au #I love the drawing style and the concept so much #rottmnt au #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt fic #snippet #something different #prime!Leo #prime!leo au

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kirk-says-wah · 1 month

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𝐁𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐞 - 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟒

Pairings: Kirk/Lars, James/Dave, Rob/Jason

You can also read it here

It’s about midday when he finally gets the strength to leave the house.

It’s icy, the windows frozen shut along the seal, water droplets skating down the insides.

Lars pulls his biggest jacket on, shivering as the leak of cold air into the flat starts to wind under his skin.

Dave’s already in the living room, eating a bowl of god knows what, bare feet crossed underneath him as he sits on the ratty couch.

“Aren’t you gonna eat breakfast?” Dave mumbles as Lars goes past, mouth full.

Lars grimaces, bends to pull his sneakers on.

“Breakfast was hours ago,” Lars says, knowing full well he didn’t eat anything. He just doesn’t feel like it these days, belly full of lead, weighing him down when he’s trying to keep afloat.

Dave mumbles something around the food in his mouth but Lars ignores him, ties his shoes up before grabbing his scarf from the armchair.

“Where are you going?” Dave shoots, eyebrow arching.

The thing is, Lars doesn’t have anywhere to go. But he can’t stay here, cooped up in this grimy flat, the stench of stagnation and dirt too much for him to just laze away on the sofa. And it may be cold outside, but it’s not much warmer in the flat anyway right now.

“Out,” is all he says, before grabbing his keys, stuffing them in his back pocket. “Lock the door behind me.”

“Okay, mom,” Dave retorts, a bubble of laughter escaping his chest.

Lars pays him no mind and instead opens the door, closing it behind him as he makes his way into the stairwell.

The wind outside is knocking against the glass at the end of the hall, the frost spidering up the glass panes.

He shivers, skips down the first flight of steps, slowing as he rounds the next landing, only to be stopped by a tap on his shoulder.

He jumps, turning to see a young woman. She looks about his age, long blonde hair, pink shapely lips, soft face. She’s hot.

“I think you dropped these,” she says, holding up his keys with her middle finger, the rusty metal dangling between painted nails. They’re red. It’s a nice colour.

Lars blushes, stammers a thank you as he takes the keys off her. He puts them in his jacket pocket this time so they don’t fall out so easily.

She smiles at him, showing her teeth, all white and perfect, and something in Lars stirs awake. It’s like when he’d first been able to get groupies. Something in him comes alive at being wanted, at someone looking at him the same way he’s looking at them. It’s different from the way Kirk looked at him. His former lover always looked at Lars like he was his whole world, like his very being had been made just for Lars, like there was no one else. The girl’s gaze isn’t as intense as that, and Lars finds he kind of likes not having the pressure.

“Do you live here?” she says, voice sweet.

He clears his throat, embarrassment lining his cheeks, makes him crimp his fingers into his sides, stiff. He’s never been awkward talking to girls, not since high school, and especially not now after being on tour for so long. But a part of him has changed, has him recoiling slightly at the notion that something more could happen between them. He blames his parents.

“22,” he says, shrugs slightly with a bashful grin. “I live at 22.”

“Oh I live at 14,” she says, pointing to a few doors down the corridor, hair lightly falling over her shoulders in waves, like spindles of wheat, glinting slightly under the light from the window.

Lars doesn’t exactly know how to reply, so he just nods, eyes darting to the side when she meets his gaze. It’s not that he’s nervous, well, no okay, maybe he is, but it’s not from the lack of practice. He doesn’t know what’s come over him in the recent weeks since that fateful night he had to leave home. Home being Denmark. It’s like all the charisma and confidence he’d spent so long to build has been swept away in a hurricane, his whole life turning upside down as he returns to a world he thought he’d left long ago.

“I’m Sally,” she says, holding a hand out, pointed nails reaching out a lifeline.

Lars shakes it without thinking about it too much, her hand warm and soft in his grip.

“Lars,” he says, offering a wider smile now.

She hums, letting go of his hand, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“You can come find me anytime, I’m always free,” she says, her eyelashes fluttering, cheeks tinted pink.

“Do you not work?” Lars finds himself asking.

She suppresses a laugh, has Lars feeling a bit stupid.

“I work from home,” she replies, voice thick and runny like honey.

“Oh,” is all he says, moving to mess with the keys in his pocket.

She looks over him for a moment before reaching out to squeeze his hand. The unprompted contact nearly gets him pulling away, but he doesn’t want to be rude.

“I’ll see you later, Lars” she says, emphasising his name before she turns, heels clacking against the mouldy tiles as she disappears down the corridor towards her flat.

Lars lets out a breath, his lungs punching against his chest. He sniffs, starts to descend the flight of stairs quietly.

She was nice, he thinks, but he can’t help but feel a little reserved. He’s not exactly looking for anything right now, but he wouldn’t be against having a bit of fun. He’s not had sex in months, and it would be nice to just let off a bit of steam.

He snickers to himself, hopping down the last few steps as he gets to the main entrance before letting himself out.

The weather is cold and wet, trickling rain like a broken faucet, and he wishes he had a coat. He zips his jacket up, stops for a moment, unsure which way to go. If he’s going to find anything interesting, he may as well head towards the high street.

It’s so cold, he can practically feel icicles hanging from his nose as he treks into town, wishing he had a pair of gloves on him as his fingers turn pink and numb, even from within the confines of his jacket. He tucks them under his armpits instead to get a bit of feeling back, but he knows it’s no use when the wind keeps whipping him with enough power to nearly knock him over.

Maybe going out wasn’t such a good idea.

He just needs to get warm, that’s all he can think of as he meanders up the street, in search of anywhere he can disappear into.

There’s a couple of shops up ahead, and he sees a sign with a big vinyl on it, sticking out onto the path.

Huh. That definitely seems like his kind of shop. He remembers a few years back when Kirk had been smitten on opening his own record shop. He never really had the funds, so it was more or less a pipe dream. He figures Kirk must go here a lot though, and for a moment he feels light trepidation that he might bump into him there.

It’s not likely though. Kirk probably works, and it’s like lunch time so it’s not like he’s gonna be spending his lunch break at some vinyl store.

As soon as he approaches it, Lars slips in quietly, the door bell jangling as he’s finally hit with a bout of warm air.

He shivers, fingers turning blindingly hot at the change in temperature, nose red and watery as closes the door behind him.

The shop is empty apart from someone looking over the jazz section. He’s a tall guy with a long overcoat, and he doesn’t pay any attention to Lars as the latter rubs his hands together to try and get the blood flowing.

There’s Christmas decorations haphazardly strung up, a tree in the corner with blue and red lights. It makes Lars wish he’d been able to decorate the flat, but he doesn’t have the money to buy decorations when they’re so expensive.

He dismisses the thought, quickly makes his way over to the metal section, a big sign scrawled in yellow and red chalk followed by some original pressings hung on the wall, labelled over a few hundred dollars a piece.

Lars excitedly runs his fingers over the expanse of records, forgetting how much he loves shopping for vinyls. He left all of his back in Denmark where they’ll be no doubt thrown out, so he contemplates maybe starting up a new collection.

Dave has the original first ever pressing over their two albums, though they live with him mom so it’s not even like Lars will be able to play them any time soon.

He misses the feeling of the covers in his hand though, the smoothness of the shaped vinyl, just waiting to be played.

His stiff fingers flick through the stack, landing between loads of old school metal bands like Iron Maiden, Slayer, Anthrax, Judas Priest. It makes his head go all warm and fuzzy. It’s obvious the owner of the shop is a metal fan if the whole row of rock is anything to go by.

Lars smiles to himself, picks up a copy of Orgasmatron, turning it over in his grip.

The jazz guy walks past him to the counter, his long coat billowing at his feet.

Lars knows he doesn’t have the money to buy anything right now, not when he can’t even afford rent and doesn’t have a job. It makes him wish that the interview at McDonalds will go well, otherwise he’ll be back out looking for another job and he just can’t afford the time.

“That’ll be $35,” comes a voice from behind the counter, and Lars freezes. He knows that voice, could place it out of a thousand.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

He places the record carefully back where it belongs before briefly glancing at the counter.

Kirk stands behind it, bagging up the record for the man paying, offering a slight customer-service smile before the man walks away, leaving just the two of them in the shop.

Lars pretends to not see him, regret snaking its way up his ankles into his stomach because why couldn’t he have just stayed out in the cold?

He sniffs, wiping his wrist over the wetness that’s gathered under his nose, feeling slightly frostbitten.

When he looks back up, Kirk is staring at him, stock still being the counter, eyes wide, disbelieving.

Lars blinks before giving a small smile.

“Hey,” he says, though it sounds meek and feeble. Kirk stares at him for a moment longer.

“Hey,” he eventually replies, thought it sounds thick on his tongue, the interaction painful.

Lars steps away from the records, stuffing his hands back under his armpits in an attempt to keep warm.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” he finally says, nodding at the store.

Kirk clears his throat, obviously nervous. Lars doesn’t think there’s anything to be nervous about, but then he realises there’s been something unspoken between them for years, and it makes guilt squeeze his throat, has him fighting for air.

“I own it,” Kirk says, shrugging bashfully.

So he did make his dream happen after all. Lars would be lying if he didn’t say he was proud. Kirk had prattled on about opening his shop for so long Lars guesses it’s only a matter of time it happened. He wonders what else Kirk has done without him.

“S’nice,” Lars replies, dropping his gaze, unsure of where to look.

It’s awkward to say the least, but Lars finds he doesn’t want to leave. Not when they’re finally reaching out to each other after three years.

They may have left on bad terms, but Lars isn’t against making up with him. They were best friends before lovers after all, and he misses him. He does.

“Thanks,” Kirk says, moving from behind the counter, picking up a crate of vinyls from the floor.

“D’you wanna help me put these away?”

Lars blinks, taken aback. He guesses Kirk is holding out a lifeline, and he’ll be damned if he didn’t hold onto it with everything he’s got.

“Sure,” he says, accepting the pile of records Kirk gives him when he settles the crate back down on the floor.

Kirk smiles, though it’s reserved. Lars wants to tell him how much he’s missed him but he doesn’t. Doesn’t want it to be thrown back in his face when he knows it was his fault they split. It’s his fault any of this even happened.

The pulse behind his eyes starts to come back but he ignores it, putting the records where Kirk points at them to go.

“So err..” he begins, unsure of what to say. “How have you been?”

He feels stupid; even more stupid when Kirk looks at him for a moment like he’s grown a second head.

“Um-.. good,” Kirk says after a moment, looking away, gathering some more records from the crate. “You?”

Lars suppresses a laugh, because no, he’s not doing great right now.

“Shit,” is all he says, not really feeling like covering up the truth. Kirk’s never been one he could lie to; on their last day together it was hard to do so but he ended up doing it even though he knew it would hurt him.

Kirk laughs, all breathy and light, pressing a few records into the shelf.

“I didn’t expect to see you in here,” Lars says, if only to reassure that he didn’t come in on purpose. He doesn’t know why he has to state that, that he didn’t actually seek Kirk out. Maybe it’s so he can believe it’s true.

Kirk looks over him, brown eyes a whirlpool of longing and sincerity.

“I didn’t expect to see you in here either,” he says, passing Lars some more records.

Theres hands briefly touch, and it’s like lightning shoots up Lars’s arm, has him longing for the touch as soon as it’s passed.

He looks at Kirk, really looks at him. He looks the same as he did all those years ago, still a smooth jaw and wispy hair, except on closer inspection he’s shaved the sides underneath. It looks cool, Lars wonders how long ago he got it.

“Are your band playing any time soon?” Kirk pipes up, sorting through the records.

“We broke up,” Lars declares, not willing to give any more details.

“Oh,” Kirk says, like he wasn’t expecting it. Lars wonders how much Kirk knows about the band, if he knows it didn’t exactly live up to everything he’d been dreaming it would be.

“I err-… I’ve got a gig next week.”

Lars’s eyebrows raise, taking his eyes off the shelf.

“You’re in a band?”

“Kind of. It’s nothing serious,” he says, looking away, lifting the crate back off the floor. He’s obviously downplaying it, and Lars would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued.

“Can I come see you?”

He regrets it as soon as he says it, feels stupid, like he’s just spilled his guts, slicing him from his belly to his neck, all raw and guttural.

Kirk looks at him for a moment, startled. “Of course,” he says, smiling wide, obviously taken aback but excited nonetheless. Mangled teeth peeking between thin lips, unable to pin down.

Kirk had never been good at keeping his emotions at bay; like a tidal wave, always delivering mass destruction whether he was happy or angry, always stewing in silent determination that always seemed to play havoc with Lars’s own emotions. Kirk never loved plainly, he never loved without feeling everything. That’s probably one of the reasons they grew apart. Kirk always loved Lars with everything he had, and Lars.. well he didn’t know how to say I love you with anything but words. He’s not prudish, in fact he’s quite the opposite, but he could never dish out his heart like Kirk could, could never offer it up on a platter. Maybe a part of him was scared. Maybe it doesn’t matter.

He never showed Kirk how much he loved him as much as he should’ve. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to walk away when Kirk got down on one knee because he knew Kirk would’ve believed him. He would’ve believed that Lars didn’t love him as much as he did. As much as he does.

“You look cold,” Kirk says, gesturing to his pink nose.

Lars shrugs, his hands diving back into his pockets.

“I walked here.”

Kirk rolls his eyes, walks away to put the crate behind the counter.

“You do realise a storm’s about to hit right?”

And no, Lars didn’t know that because he doesn’t check the weather. You’d think he’d be used to the cold, spending most of his Christmas’s in Denmark, but he’s so scrawny that the icy winds always seems to make him freeze so much that he can’t warm back up.

Lars shrugs, sniffing, eyes tracking Kirk’s movements.

“Why didn’t you just drive?” Kirk asks, like it’s the most obvious thing, scribbling something down on the pad of paper by the till.

“Well, one I don’t have a car,” Lars says, “and two I had my licence taken off me.”

Kirk stops writing, eyebrows raising into his hairline as he looks up at Lars.

“What for?”

“Speeding.”

Kirk snickers, continues writing before dropping the pen on the counter.

“Why am I not surprised.”

A light easiness over takes them then, the atmosphere softening into something familiar and tangible, and Lars tries to keep a hold on it, tries to wrangle his way back into some kind of relationship, whatever that may look like.

“It’s not my fault everyone drives so slow,” he says, grinning, and Kirk rolls his eyes, sticking a sticky note to a pile of papers.

“D’you want me to drive you home?”

Lars blinks, scratching at his jaw. He’s unsure whether to accept the request, doesn’t want to move to fast in case they end up falling out.

At Lars’s hesitance, Kirk presses on.

“Cmon, I can’t let you go back out in that,” he says, gesturing to the weather outside. It’s starting to rain now, fat globs of water pelting against the shop window, and Lars would be lying if he said he wanted to go back out there.

“Aren’t you working?” Lars asks, cocking his head.

Kirk shrugs, already grabbing his coat from the door behind him.

“Lunch break. I can close the shop for a bit. Jason won’t mind.”

Jason? Who the fuck is Jason? Lars feels jealousy simmer in his gut, because what happens if Kirk’s moved on with someone else? Lars doesn’t blame him, it’s not like they’re gonna get back together, but it still hurts.

“Alright,” he says finally, though he doesn’t really feel like he has a choice.

Kirk smiles at him, lips splitting into a grin before he turns the open sign over gesturing for Lars to follow him.

Lars does, pulling his coat tighter around him as the rain starts to pelt at his back as soon as he steps foot onto the street.

Luckily, Kirk is only parked a few doors down. His car’s a beat up Prius, needing a new paint job, and Lars can’t help the pang at his heart at the sight.

They used to own a car together, a really lovely Honda with white leather seats and a crystal keychain hanging from the rear view mirror. Lars guesses Kirk must have sold it. He doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t blame Kirk if he moved out from their old home either. The memories are just too painful, tying them both to a past that takes up way too much space in Lars’s heart. He knows he’ll never be able to have Kirk but that won’t stop him from longing for him.

Lars gets into the passenger seat, pushing aside a thin jacket and some cans on the floor.

“Sorry it’s a mess,” Kirk says, blushing, not willing to look Lars in the eye as he starts the engine. “The only excuse I have is that James was in here recently.”

That sounds about right. Lars giggles, letting himself sink into the chair as Kirk pulls out onto the road.

The silence is palpable, thin, fragile. Lars would like to think there’s something else though, like hope. Maybe Kirk’s willing to work on their friendship too, otherwise why else would he have offered to drive Lars home.

Lars wonders if they’ll ever be able to move on from what happened without speaking about it. Probably not.

He can still picture the ring, the little diamond encased in a thick silver band, the box black and velvet, small in Kirk’s hand. He remembers Kirk looking up at him from the floor, the words will you marry me falling from his lips as he peers up at Lars hopeful, nervous.

And he remembers clear as the day the absolute heartbreak on Kirk’s face when he’d told him no.

It still makes his chest twist, has him swallowing down nausea, the thrumming in his head getting more painful. He wonders if the memory is like yesterday for Kirk too, if getting in this car together feels like the first time in days rather than years.

At the same time, Lars is aware of their time separated, like a tape reel that just keeps going, all the times they should’ve spent together was instead spent alone.

He misses him. That’s the truth. He doesn’t know why he’s so stuck on it, why after all these years he’s still pining for someone he’ll never have.

He decides he should probably get over it. Maybe find someone else. Maybe that girl he saw in his building. Sally or something.

“So er..- how’s Dave?” Kirk asks, interrupting Lars’s thoughts.

“A pain in the ass,” Lars says, the tips of his ears hot as he tries not to feel too awkward. The car is hot, despite the frostiness outside, and the anxiousness starts to get to him. “Can we put the radio on?”

“Sure,” Kirk says, leaning forwards to press the on button, a random rock station starting up, prattling on about the new Judas Priest album.

“You up to anything interesting this week?” Kirk asks, feigning nonchalance. Lars can tell he’s nervous because his cheeks are pink, stammering over his words slightly as he taps along the steering wheel.

“I’ve got a job interview.”

“Oh yeah?”

“At McDonalds.”

“I heard the pays good,” Kirk says, clicking the turn signal as he turns onto a new road.

“I hope so,” Lars says. “It’s so fucking hard to find a job.”

“That’s probably because you’ve never worked before,” Kirk says with a smile.

“Hey, I had that job at the laundromat in twelfth grade.”

“Yeah for like a week,” Kirk says, glancing at him. “I don’t think you can put that on your résumé.”

Lars laughs, unzipping his jacket, his fingers now finally warm.

“Well I hope it goes well anyway,” Kirk continues, finally turning onto Lars’s road.

Lars wants to ask how Kirk even knew the way then realises he had came with James the other day. At least things seem to be a bit less awkward this time. Almost like they’re finally starting to bridge the gap between them.

They pull up to Lars’s flat in silence, Lars zips up his jacket, the rain still pelting outside.

He feels hesitant to get out, like he wants to spend as much time as he can with Kirk.

Kirk turns off the engine, finally looks at him. He looks so young, face shadowed by the trees hanging over head, a warmth to him that Lars has missed.

Lars clears his throat, hand fidgeting with the door handle.

“Thanks,” he says, though it comes out small, feeble.

“Don’t mention it,” Kirk says with a slight shrug, his attention turning back out into the rain.

Lars wants to say something, wants to apologise, for what he’s not sure. Kirk’s staring at him again as if he expects Lars to say more.

Instead Lars just gives a small smile before getting out, shutting the door behind him.

God he is way too hung up on Kirk. If he wants to build on their relationship, he really needs to sort himself out.

He turns in time to give Kirk a short wave before he drives away, leaving him standing on the path feeling desolate and empty, like he’s saying goodbye all over again.

He sighs before heading inside.

— —

The rest of the day goes by uneventful, and before Lars knows it it’s late and he’s still stuck in front of the tv, mindlessly scrolling on his phone.

Fuck he needs to get out of his head.

The tv’s playing an old episode of Family Fortunes though he’s not really paying attention, the noise in his head too loud.

He gets up with a stretch, back popping, feeling a bit woozy as all the blood rushes to his head.

His headache’s dulled enough for it to just be knocking against his skull lazily, and he yawns, shuffling to the kitchen, socked feet snagging on the floor boards.

He peers into the fridge. It’s empty, aside from a few cans of bud. Closing it, he sniffs, opening the cupboard doors to find fuck all in there too.

God he needs to buy some actual food.

He rummages a few minutes between different cupboards before finally pulling out a packet of crackers.

They’re leftover from the flight, but they’ll do.

He fills a glass with water before padding back into the living room, flopping down onto the armchair with a huff.

He downs the water in one before eating the crackers. They’re salty and dry and just make his stomach rumble more but he guesses it’s better than nothing.

He glances over to the note left on the coffee table, Dave telling him he’s going to be late home.

He checks the clock. It’s already seven o clock. He wonders how late Dave means. And if it actually means he’s going to the bar after work. It’s not like he can afford it so Lars hopes not.

He grumbles to himself, turning up the volume on the tv as he throws the cracker wrapper to the floor, uncaring and messy.

He smacks his lips, lets his head fall back against the cushion

He thinks back to the woman in the hall, all blonde hair and slim legs. He imagines what her lips would feel like, if she’d be all soft and pliable, if she’d be rough with him, having her own way.

His cock stirs. Shit.

He can’t help it, his palm snaking down, pressing into the lump forming in his jeans.

He swallows. At least Dave isn’t home. Not that he wants to think about Dave right now.

He gingerly lifts a little before stuffing his hand down the front of his pants, his cock slowly starting to harden in between his fingers.

Jesus, when was the last time he got off? It’s definitely been a while. He smirks to himself, thumbing over the head of his cock just to make his hips twitch.

When that’s not enough, he pushes his pants down, pulling his cock out of his boxers, his balls feeling heavy and taut.

He hisses as his whole fist encloses around his hard flesh, twisting his wrist with the movement.

He goes back to thinking of the woman, how she’d look on her knees, his cock pressed into her mouth.

He groans, speeding up his hand, hips thrusting.

He closes his eyes, imagines threading his hand into long blonde hair, how hot her mouth will feel, gliding up and down his cock as he fucks her face.

He speeds up, close now, panting harshly, when suddenly the woman morphs, blonde hair transitioning to black curls, face familiar, soft, cute.

Lars is too far gone to stop, the image of Kirk kneeling whilst he thrusts his cock into his mouth a memory more than a fantasy, and he comes, painting his fist, panting harshly.

Suddenly he feels dirty, like he crossed a line. Sure, he thinks about Kirk during sex all the time but now that they’re trying to patch things up he feels like he’s violating him in some way.

He curses himself, reaching for some tissues off of the grimy coffee table, cleaning himself up before throwing the tissue on the floor next to the cracker packet.

— —

Lars wakes with a start.

He snorts awake, the sound of his phone ringing bringing him back into the land of the living. He’s still sat in the arm chair, jeans abandoned on the floor as he lies in just his boxers.

From the silence he guesses Dave must not be back yet.

He blinks, picks his phone up to see an unknown number calling. He rolls his eyes, lets his phone fall back onto the arm as he stretches, yawning widely.

His phone stops ringing and he grabs the remote, trying to flick through the tv for something good but there’s nothing that interesting on this time of night.

He checks the time. Midnight.

Damn, Dave wasn’t kidding when he said he’ll be back late.

He contemplates just going to bed when his phone rings again.

Something nags at him, has him picking his phone up. No one rings this late, not unless they’re important.

Maybe Dave’s in trouble. He really doesn’t want to be bailing him out again.

He presses answer and holds it up to his ear, nerves tight.

“Hello?”

“Lars?”

Lars frowns, alarm stirring in his gut.

“Kirk?”

If Kirk has his number, he must of gotten it from James or Dave. He wonders what’s so urgent for him to be calling, not just because of the time.

“Are you okay?” he asks when Kirk doesn’t respond right away. His hearts in his throat as he waits for an answer, Kirk’s uneven breathing sounding from the other side.

“Something’s wrong.”

Lars sits up, turning down the volume on the tv.

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

There’s a pause then, and Lars fears the worst. Maybe he’s hurt? Maybe he’s drunk?

There’s a sigh on the other side, shaky but there, before Kirk finally replies.

“James is missing.”

#metallica #metallica fanfiction #bleeding me #kirk hammett x lars ulrich #kirk hammett/lars ulrich #kirk/lars #lars ulrich smut #lars ulrich #kirk hammett #james hetfield x dave mustaine #james hetfield/dave mustaine #james/dave #dave mustaine #james hetfield #megadeth

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 3 months

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I know you all know by default how much I love this conversation, but in RD at least, a lot of characters fall out of relevancy after a certain point (whereas in PoR you could argue that having full supports prevents this). Shinon is one of the only side characters who doesn't really do this, having three base conversations throughout part three (which is pretty fucking good considering several of the chapters aren't even with the Greil Mercenaries).

Back in PoR, Shinon asks for praise/gratitude. Expects it. By this point he doesn't want it anymore. He didn't want it when he was selling bows for emergency income (which Rolf took up as well) and he doesn't want it here either. His personality has chilled out so much from being a hothead and he's much more expressive of his actual feelings (even if you compare his standard death quotes in both games, he's much more emotionally expressive in RD).

A lot of characters - most honestly, including even the GMs (barring Boyd if he A supports Mist which gives him more content and expresses a whole lot of maturity compared to PoR Boyd) tend to drop off in development. They might stick around (ex. PoR puts all the major groups in the spotlight until the next group shows up and goes through all of them), but the development eventually stagnates outside of supports (including in base conversations, which this one is such).

Since RD doesn't get supports with full conversations, you only get snippets of development/characterization through them, while the base conversations may offer insight into the characters and show you how they've changed over the years but don't truly develop them. Shinon is a very lucky situation for his character because he keeps returning in both games, and it helps develop him across both games with a full timeline (similar to Naesala, who has a fully fleshed out story and personality development over both games and never stops dead at any point in the pair of games).

In PoR Shinon was distant and selectively a bit cold (Greil, Rolf and Gatrie excluded from that, and Mist to an extent as well). RD gives the impression that he just... doesn't care about all that anymore. He's fine where he is and has learned he can live with these people and not have to expect betrayal. He doesn't have to anticipate being on his own ever again. There's no real reason for him to keep up the walls and barriers to protect himself, and he's not living just to survive anymore.

Most times when I end up loving a character it's because of the content given to me and what have I to work with, rather than loving a character and searching for things to love. I fully expect that that's why I finally, after years of being unable to decide who my Tellius favorite was because I loved several of them too dearly to decide, found myself able to settle on Shinon.

When I got older and gave it more thought, considering all the development and traits of each of them and how responsive I was to them, one day I asked myself, well okay, what if someone asked you who your favorite was? What if you still did love the same ones as your number one, all of them, but could only give one name quick and simple? Who would you pick? The first name that instantly hit me was Shinon. That was enough for me to decide okay, there's a reason he's the first person who instantly came to me if I had to truly settle on one. I hadn't quite figured it out yet, but I knew there was a reason that if I had to pick a single standout, it would be him.

A lot of it harkens back to this conversation. It is development in and of itself, and also very expressive of who he is. The fact that he also doesn't fall off in conversations and is more recurring than not also gives me more to examine about him and more to think about. It puts him in a more likely position to think about him and who he is than I would for characters the writers didn't really bother developing (including other recurring characters like Marcia, who keep coming back in both games similar to Shinon, but see no development as a person - unfortunately in her case, in either game).

He has a very rich, detailed and unforgotten-by-the-writers character and one whose story ends on a very high note. I say "ends" in the sense of main story/base content, but it technically continues if he's taken to the Tower and gains the ability to A support various other characters who he otherwise could not support or could only reach a B support with, such as Sanaki, Tibarn, etc. This conversation is like an accumulation of his growth between both games, including the subtle things you can only pick up on through actions/other character lines.

Ike says he (everyone, which includes Shinon) chose to stay with them when he told everyone who their next employer was/what they'd be doing/etc, and Ike gave him and Soren an out if they weren't comfortable with it. They weren't all forced to go. That says by itself that Shinon made that choice on his own. He chose to stay with them when he was not yet totally comfortable with laguz and was still working on that part of himself (the fact that he uses the term "laguz" at all is already a huge step up from where he leaves off on his A support with Janaff, which did not leave off poorly at all).

Last time Shinon was uncomfortable with something in the Greil Mercenaries, he made the choice to leave. When he did come back, he was not exclusively surrounded by only the GMs and otherwise, purely laguz (which prior to meeting Janaff I would argue he was not ready for at all at the time). Here, he was, and he still made the choice to stay with them knowing exactly what his situation would look like.

Another thing worth considering is how much of a hothead Shinon was in PoR, but he still took Rolf on as a student. While I'm not sure exactly how accurate Mist's statement is about "forcing" Rhys to teach her (it's possible she was pushy about it because he didn't want to, such as because it might mean she might end up on the battlefield), we do know Rolf wanted to learn and was accepted.

We can easily infer through their conversations that Shinon would rather teach him to survive and have a safety net rather than worry about him being on a battlefield. Shinon saw that he was motivated to learn and, regardless of the fact that he was still in survival mode himself and not of the mind of "I'll be with these people forever and want to help them", taught him while apparently having told him "things like this happen" with mercenaries (i.e. different employers, separation, etc). If they ended up on opposite sides but Rolf could wield a weapon, that could endanger him, but he does it anyway. His priority is always survival, but it's also the survival of children and anyone he cares about. He also dies begrudgingly in his PoR death quote, which is completely opposite of his death quote against Rolf.

Another thing for me: he's also very confident and aware of his capabilities as a marksman. He knows what he's worth and at this point, he no longer brags about it (he used to all the time in PoR). He sees no reason to have to prop himself up. There's no insecurity in him that makes him feel the need to try to be open about being better than anyone else. He knows and accepts what he's worth without feeling the need to tell people about it.

If someone asked him what he thought of himself/his own worth, yeah, he'd admit his skill and capability without being too humble, but he also wouldn't go overboard with it or say it during instances that don't really warrant it (basically, if absolutely nobody asked, he'd say it anyway in PoR. In RD he doesn't really seem to give a shit anymore about letting the whole world know how good he is). He's lost the whole pick me, look at me sort of attitude. Imo it's also due to a higher amount of respect he has for himself now, and a much healthier one. He doesn't care about being the best anymore (he'd be perfectly happy if Rolf was instead) and is just satisfied knowing his skill on his own. He's satisfied not being alive just to survive, but to be with this mercenary group and actually able to live.

As a side note, we never actually see him having drunk or in the middle of drinking in RD, so... it's also likely he's worked on his possible PoR drinking issue too!

All in all, he's just one of the few non-main characters who came a whole long way with a full story. He feels very different in RD, but not so much that he feels like a different character entirely. For me, I can feel the growth in who he is, and that to me is an excellent handling of a character. When I can feel how different they are from beginning to end, I can feel the intent of character growth behind it. I can't tell you with certainty that the writers took a liking to him and so biasly kept sticking in dialogue for him (and singlehandedly made him one of the solidly best units in RD, for that matter...), but he's definitely repeatedly present and has hefty, story/backstory littered implications.

His dialogue feels meaningful to his own personal story in all his conversations. In other words, he doesn't have a conversation that feels devoid of meaning. It comes across more as all of his content exists for a reason/has meaning behind it. There's no wasted dialogue with him. When he's there, it means something for his character (comparatively to other side characters who may have lengthy conversations but you walk away having gotten nothing out of it, be that in PoR and/or RD).

He has fewer supports than most of the cast in PoR, but every single one had some kind of direction to it. Even if you look at his C support with Janaff and go "well that's just classic early PoR Shinon", the point of that is exactly that: that he starts out who we recognize and develops from there. That support alone goes from that to a lot of growth in three conversations, and beneficially so on both sides.

Simply put, he has more content the average Tellius character (including all of his boss quotes in chapter 18), and everything leads up to who he is by this conversation. It's a full story for a side character, later including personalized support dialogue for A supports, and he just happens to exhibit a lot of growth and traits that I already lean toward (hence why he was in my top spot all along, just tied with others. Now he's not tied with others and has the top spot to himself!).

I think it's likely it's the fact that as mentioned, none of his conversations are throwaway conversations. You never walk away from his conversations having gotten nothing (I mean, I'm sure people who refuse to see it don't notice precisely because they are willing themselves to refuse to see it to find excuses to keep hating him). Even in his first RD base conversation, the fact that he acts as you'd expect but drops a "laguz" in there is already a hint for his growth direction on top of being there at all. It's really just up from there, as is the case with all his content.

I tend to lean toward characters with a whole fountain of insightful conversations and depth, and in FE games you often don't find those characters outside of the mains. While I'd argue Tellius is a lot less tropey than modern FE (there were some tropey types like Makalov and Ilyana whose characters are basically nothing without their tropes), a lot of its side characters are still reduced to very surface level characterization with no real growth.

Shinon was very lucky to get as much as he did, and I'd say he has just as much if not more personal depth and lore than even some of the mains themselves. Imo he's a very lucky and rare find in FE games, when there are so many goddamn characters that the writers can't flesh them all out (reasonably of course, but it makes it even more special when it happens for non mains). Even with the Fodlan games and all its content, a lot if not most of its characters are full on tropes with little to nothing in the way of anything else. Engage suffers from it too, with a few diamonds in the rough and not much else.

That's not to say I hate the games or their characters, because obviously I would not still be playing new titles to the franchise if I hated it. I'm saying it makes the ones with as much depth as Shinon a gold mine to be found amidst a very large cast of characters that don't usually get that treatment.

anyway i will always talk abt shinon more when able so this is Not The End but i will end this post here lest it turns into another 20+ paragraphs.

#DCB RD Run #Shinon #i was gonna post this a long time ago but then my fandom interests shifted again #but then a friend in said fandom showed blatant interest in shinon and that's all it took #i wasn't kidding when i said even when i go into other fandoms tellius just STICKS with me #shinon can't leave me and i can't leave him i am simply bound to him at this point #i remember back in the day when i couldn't determine who my fave was in these games #and i just asked myself like... if someone asked for your fave and you could only pick one char #who would you pick in that situation (since when trying to decide i was always like #it's oscar ike shinon ranulf and soren and probably reyson!!!) but if i had to pick only one?#asking MYSELF that was difficult... but if i considered someone ELSE asking me?#my answer was immediately shinon. as shinon himself would say! ''no hesitation''!#that was when i actually genuinely knew my answer. kinda hard to deny when my little heart and brain just #instantly processed that answer without any actual thought. I stuck with it since and honestly???#I've been so happy for it. I've been so happy expressing my love for him!#I love Ike too ofc but it's a very different feeling ig since Ike is already insanely loved by the fandom #shinon is like... my special little guy

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ineffably-human · 2 years

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"Well why didn't you do something? You should have gone and done something about it instead of just sitting here."

When the leaks came out two weeks ago, I was seriously in a period of mourning. Like I was truly, deeply upset for three days trying to process what was actually half-translated and poorly communicated. And it's a lot of the stuff other people were thinking when 4x9 first dropped. Were we being told it was wrong to desire growth and progress in these characters? Are we stupid for caring about the humanity in them? Were we supposed to hope Guillermo just escapes this toxic limbo forever?

We see so much of how these violent, sometimes half-crazy, ancient beings are dissatisfied with their lives. How they're capable of love and connection, how they want the same things that humans do... I couldn't believe that stagnation was the entire point. I couldn't believe the answer to 'can you change who you've always been?' was 'nope, sorry, nobody really does even when they're miserable.'

It feels important we care. It feels important that we feel unsettled by Colin reverting back to exactly how he was before, without even the slightest memory of being loved and looked after when as an adult he's so lonely. (That whistling, the way it breaks your heart and gives you a hope spot at the same time!) It's important they made it clear, before he finds that room, that as much as his instincts are calling out to him it's not what young Colin wanted or something he had a choice about. It was important that Laszlo and Nadja felt like they lost major, important pieces of their new lives, experiences they'd never had before even if they ended badly.

And Nandor... I don't think Nandor's as okay as he says. I think Nandor seems as aloof as he was when we first met him. It's withdrawing for recovery after the end of a lot of striving and struggling and pain. Eventually the scab is going to rip off and leave him with grief and depression again. Who's to say he hasn't had this experience before? He did tell Guillermo that he hadn't been really happy in decades. Maybe for a vampire, taking some 'me time' after a rough period is a decades-long affair.

But there's such a clear rift between him and the person he loves most now. Everyone's lost something, and Nandor and Guillermo have lost some of what they were building. I think they were losing it before the Freddie incident even happened. (Now would be the part of the slow-burn, by the way, where they get it back and reaffirm how much they belong together.)

When the leaks dropped, I read Guillermo's decision and I thought 'why?' This was the first season where I could think of plenty of explicit reasons he shouldn't become a vampire. He might never see his biological family again, even though he knows they love him. No matter what, he has to deal with his chosen family's selfishness. He sees how slow vampires change, he sees their ennui, how the big things they want are band-aids over their dissatisfaction. He knows he can stay human and still have physical power, emotional leverage, life experiences he's missed out on up to now because of all the waiting-waiting-waiting. Even having a foot in the supernatural world wouldn't have to change. His devotion and loyalty have waned somewhat, he's built relationships with the other housemates but they're not as strong.

It's not like he's so unexamined about his feelings that he'd ignore all those things to go be a vampire alone, to go hang out with a lonely dude working a counter (just like he was when Nandor met him) when that lonely dude just happens to be a vampire. Was he regressing? What the hell was he doing it for at this point? He hadn't even said goodbye!

It was like a gut punch of relief (seriously, the noise I made) when I found out exactly what the line was, the last thing Guillermo says before taking the money to Derek.

"Nothing in this house ever changes, nothing's ever going to change unless I change it."

He doesn't pack his things. The bag is full of money and only money. He won't need that closet anymore because it's no place to keep a coffin. (The attic, on the other hand, newly renovated and now the biggest room in the house...)

I want so badly to believe Guillermo is becoming a vampire because he is going to march straight back to the house, show off his fangs, and drag them all kicking and screaming into the life he's dreamed of along with him. To rescue them from themselves.

'I can use this power better. I can be the new blood. You need something to react to? React to this.' Because his dream is relentless but so is his capacity to love these people at their worst.

And if that just sounds like Guillermo saving the day again, well...

You guys want a jealousy arc? Imagine Nandor seeing that someone else stepped in and did what he wouldn't. Imagine a Guillermo made newly sexual as a vampire, having a well-deserved slut era as Nandor watches and wonders what's so different about him these days. Nandor being the one to eagerly listen to him, to sit beside him as he bosses people around...

More importantly, imagine Guillermo having a conflict between his slayer blood and vampire blood. Or leaning into the selfishness that comes with being a vampire, so much so that he starts to lose the parts of him the household really needs. Or pretending 'it's fine, it's fine, it's fine' when it's really anything but and this isn't how he's supposed to end up.

I need Guillermo to be the one to fuck up for once. I need him to do something so selfish it hurts others, I need him to do the right thing when it's hard. I need Nandor to save him or remind him of the best, most human parts of him when he's lost.

I can't wait to get that, if that's where we're going.

#fandom: wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits spoilers #guillermo de la cruz #otp: nandermo #char: guillermo the relentless #i am a meta gremlin

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venus-haze · 1 year

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i hope your trip is fun! ik you’re not really doing sequel fics anymore but i’d love headcanons for the reader’s career after elvis turns her into a vampire in your fic it was so good💗

It was a lot of fun! I apologize for taking so long to get to this, but here's some headcanons for Elvis and the reader post-My Fading Voice Sings of Love.

Vampire!Elvis x Vampire!Reader

Warnings: Dark themes such as death, emotional manipulation, and abuse of power. Mentions of blood and violence. Do not interact if you are under 18 or post thinspo/ED content.

Your career, like his was for so long, becomes tied to Las Vegas. Your manager is beside herself when you tell her you changed your mind about touring, you’ll keep your residency indefinitely. She almost drops you as a client over it, but with your second album nearing its release date, you just barely manage to luck out. It charts well, but without a tour to support it, interest in your music starts to wane

It’s almost sick how your formerly promising career stagnates like his did being stuck there—you can’t even bring yourself to hate him. You wanted this, asked for it. You had the choice between leaving and staying, and you chose to stay

He’s far more dependent on you than you are on him. While you still have your usual entourage, with the exception of the few people who have come and gone through the years, you’re all he has. You do care for him, you can't shake the feelings your human self had for him before, if anything they're more amplified now

The first time you kill someone to feed is extremely harrowing for you. You had to do it, there was no other choice, but you felt guilty at having to take a life to sustain your own, even if Elvis made sure the whole thing was as impersonal as possible. He lets you experience all of the emotions running through you in the aftermath because he didn’t have anyone to help him when he was turned, he was on his own and had to deal with the messy, conflicting feelings himself

If you become okay with killing, the two of you will go out to feed together. On the other hand, if you can’t seem to shake the guilt and hesitancy, he’ll bring back fresh blood for you when he goes out to feed. He’d prefer this scenario, in all honesty. You would be dependent on him to survive and to him that intimacy can’t be matched by feeding together. It's definitely a control thing, but also he needs to feel needed

Besides, ya know, him being the only other vampire you know and probably will ever meet, music is the biggest thing that connects the two of you—even if he doesn't always agree with the artistic choices you make. You're always learning from him in that capacity

A decade or so goes by before you have to throw in the towel, not because you can't perform anymore, but there's no way to explain why you just haven't changed physically or the strange career choices you've made. You've reluctantly become a recluse artist, releasing albums every so often for your small group of dedicated fans, gaining something of a cult following over time

At times you toy with the idea of leaving, trying other places out for taste, after all, you're not nearly as recognizable as he is. You don't have to stay in Vegas. Something in you stops you every time, maybe it's love, or maybe it's to spare the next unsuspecting popstar who comes along from ending up like you

#elvis x reader #austin!elvis x reader #vampire!elvis #vampire!elvis x reader #elvis presley x reader #headcanons

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despair-to-future-arcs · 28 days

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Do you remember anything in your remnant days?

'Well... I did remember 2 more things before I sided with Junko...'

'I remember I was given a chance to vent out at my teacher for everything she did, my parents found out and then April 1st, 2013...'

'That's the day when Yukio died and we all became Ultimate Despair.'

...

Date: December 29th, 2011

Okay now Ibuki it's your turn, time to vent at our teacher for how she treated you.

I'm sure you got quite a bit to say, correct now go for it?

Well...I guess it's Ibuki's turn to let out how she feels, huh?

Honestly... I really didn't know what to do or say but looking at you now, makes me question why I was so scared of you.

Lo-Look Ibuki, I wasn't trying to do anything! I swear I was just following what the staff told me!

And yet you force us to follow these ridiculous rules and deny those like Nekomaru and Nagito to get help, right?! You really are a shitty teacher and I'm more pissed that I didn't tell you off!

I really thought I was going to attend Hope's Peak to get my music out there, to perform and create but all that's happen was that I was force to perform music that I was tired off and even grew to hate.

I mean seriously, your like the worse teacher and honestly you should of been fired since your crappy at your job too!

At least when I drop out, I don't have to see you again anymore and can have my own future without this damn school proving anything! So how about you screw up and learn to be a better teacher!

...

Honestly... I think I'm done here, I'm sure the others got more reasons to be pissed off but I just want to get away from you.

So yeah, see ya teach! I'll let the others take the floor, hope you enjoy getting yell at and given the 'reason you suck' speech!

...

*Ibuki as in the girl's bathroom as on the phone*

So... I guess you and dad saw the video, right?

------------------------------------------------------------------

I...I did, Ibuki is... is this all true...?!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, it...it is, that teacher told me to not perform scream-o and just drop out but I didn't want to...

But yeah mom, you were right... this school was not good and honestly I should of jut listen to you, I think the only thing I regret is enrolling here...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah... honestly Ibuki, I was worried you going to this school since I know how they get; they'll force you to not perform the music you want or change it's pretty stagnated and never want change.

But don't worry, you shouldn't let that school defy you, you can create your own future and find a better path... just remember that.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Heh, don't worry mom - I totally get it and I plan to drop out with the rest of the class too!

So yeah mom, see ya later!

*CLICK*

Man... and here I thought I was going to get the 'I told you so' rant from her well, at least I learn my lesson.

Now that I got that out of my system, time to go and meet the others!

*Ibuki walk out and headed back to Class*

#dr #danganronpa #dtfa #despair to future arc #ds:rw #despair side: re write #ds ep 9 #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #ibuki mioda #nagi nanami #kyoka mioda #anonymous

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zukkaoru · 7 months

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booooo 👻 trick or treat 💖

uhhh have a few paragraphs from something i wrote for my advanced creative nonfiction class!! this was a combination of two possible prompts we were given: write a piece addressed to someone using first person direct address + write a piece where the first word of each paragraph is an antonym of the last word of the preceding paragraph

cw // religious themes

Hear me when I say You did not only leave us in the fire; you set our church alight. You tore my home to shreds, exposing greed and lies in the process. They created a grand, new, building just for a mass exodus to follow because the upgrade was never about creating a bigger space for the children; it was about showing off. They hired you, and there was a vote, but fraud also includes creating an environment in which people are afraid to voice their true opinion. The church members all gathered in the sanctuary, and I sat silently as every single one of them wrote YES on a slip of paper. I sat silently, wondering if anyone who wanted to vote NO would even have the courage. Fear slipped through my body, but I wouldn’t know my intuition was correct until half a decade later, when my mom confessed. But as the devil planted seeds of corruption in that church, I was made to feel like a girl pointing and shouting WITCH just because I couldn’t accept change. Stagnation would have been okay, except our senior pastor once said you cannot plateau in Belief. Prayer and church are like bread and milk; we need to continuously feed our souls, because if we are not growing closer to God, we are falling away from him. If we wait too long to dedicate our new building to the Lord, demons begin to creep through the halls, dropping smoldering cigarette butts that fill each room with smoke. Pure hearts don’t hold grudges, but it took me two years to forgive you, so I guess I’m not a good person either.

trick-or-treat ask game

#i won't lie i kinda went off with this piece #ty for the ask!!#ask game #peng tag #grace's writing tag

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time-to-write-and-suffer · 11 months

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IF writers write one single book/game that's good first before you plan a series of barely coherent fanfic tropes mashed together instead of an overarching plot challenge <3

I like series personally. I mean not wayhaven length long series but I like duologies and trilogies. I feel like it gives the romance more depth and time to be fleshed out whereas in some stand alone IFs I've read the romance was barely developed before it actually happened, but at the same time the story I tend to like more in the standalone because sometimes in multiple book series it can be dragged out. But Wayhaven is on another level of dragging out, I think it would have done well with being 3 or 4 books long. Idk what other plot will be able to make it seven. I think it would have also made for a solid duology if the story was better paced and the characters and story beats were better written though. One of my main issues with some IF finished or unfinished is the way the romance is written, idk how to explain but a lot of them and how they develop I'm not the biggest fan of or either that or some of the romance options feel 1 dimensional and the mc has no sense of agency whatsoever. On the other hand there are some ifs I've also really enjoyed so I guess it depends. I would love to know more about your opinions on this topic. I think it's a really interesting point and I enjoy reading your thoughts on different topics.

Thank you, that's very sweet of you to say! ^^ And enables me to do more self-important rambling. Although I would love to hear more about why some romances work for you and others don't, since I'm maybe gonna try my hand at writing an IF eventually.

Ok, back to the thing.

Honestly my main issue isn't that there's series, it's that it's often pretty blatant that they're a series solely for the sake of being a series? And not because the author actually has enough material to justify having multiple releases. You feel me?

So like, yeah! If you're using the extra time to develop characters and plot and flesh out the world, if there's a clear progression of events and things are evolving and happening, then obviously write a series! But if you just go "Oh I have all these fun ideas but there's NO way they'll fit into one or two books, it simply MUST be a trilogy/quadrilogy/pentalogy etc etc" without even planning shit out? It's like ... Ok you have a lot of ideas but did you ... do anything with them? Do you have a plan of where you're going? A lot of the time I see announcements of "This will be a trilogy/series!" before the first book is even finished so like ... How do you know. And then you get to the second book and you realize, oh, you didn't know. You just made that up.

And you can say that "Omg Eff, you don't KNOW how these authors operate, maybe they did plan and figure stuff out and your standards are just different and snobby and rude!" and maybe you'd be correct. But I've now read several multiple-book series where you could remove entire chapters, subplots, and yes, one entire BOOK, without changing the status quo or disrupting any character development at all, by just tightening up the writing and shuffling events into previous or next books. I've also read books that were firsts in a series and came away thinking "Okay? Um? Where is this going, exactly? What's the overarching plot? Why should I keep playing this?"

When it gets to that point, I just feel like ... What are you doing, ya know? How are you outlining this shit that things are just randomly happening for no reason. Subplots dropped entirely without a word. Character development stagnating because you've planned all their progression for a different book so in this one they can't do anything to evolve at all. Why is this a series if you're wasting so much time faffing about in one spot until you've stamped the earth into a flat circle.

Also, if you'll allow me to get pretentious for a moment, as a Gamer who's studying Gaming for my Gaming Degree, I feel that the medium of IFs isn't as close to books as people believe just because it's primarily a written medium. You can have plenty of books where people faff about doing fuck-all. Those are generally not good books, but it's excused because of the medium. The author has complete authority over the progression, and the reader is along for the ride, their only choice is whether they engage or not.

However, with IFs, because you've added player interaction into the mix, the things that you put in front of the player need to be justified, need to be worth interacting with. You've already sacrificed a portion of your authority for the sake of player empowerment, so you need to give the player something to DO with the authority you've given them. If you have entire sections of a game where the player becomes too aware of how little their actions matter, how little thought you've put into what you're presenting, how the only thing they're able to change is the replies to a character's words, it becomes less of someone enjoying reading a story and more of a chore to click through the pointless options and watching your character do fuck-all to change any outcomes.

When you write a book where characters faff about, that's your choice as the author. You have absolute authority and can decide when the faffing stops.

But when you write a game, you need to engage the player, you can't faff about forever. The story does not exist without them. The things you put in need to be there for a reason, because someone, by definition, by design, will be on the other end poking and prodding at it, and if you put in shit that doesn't need to be there, then you're wasting your own effort and also the player's time.

Idk. Does that make sense?

I also disagree that single-book romances tend to be worse, IMO they usually work better for me because they're actually planned and structured as stories, as the rest of the books. If you need to rely on word counts in the millions to tell a romance, that's not great, methinks. IFs also give you plenty of time and word count for romances, as well. Like, a 100k fantasy romance is on the longer end for a book, but an IF with a 100k word count would be considered on the shorter end, so readers are plenty ready for much longer word counts and it's even a selling point, usually.

So there's really no reason to justify having multiple books to write a good romance. An IF has no material reason to fit standard tradpub guidelines, so if you need bigger word counts, it's like, go wild. One counterargument would be that IFs romance routes are generally shorter than romance books, because all that WC doesn't actually go to the individual romances but is split up between regular plot, variations and other routes, but again, there's nothing really stopping you from writing as much as you want.

There's also the problem of most IFs having a lot of romance options, but they all tend to be different people with different romance timelines, so stretching out every romance to a slow-burn in different ways just for the sake of giving every route something to hook the player in each book becomes kinda tedious and transparent eventually. So I think multiple-book romances aren't a guarantee to be better than single-book romances (not that you were claiming this, I'm just out on a mind journey rn, apologies).

Anyway, that last bit got a bit off-topic and I'm already seeing some holes in my argument that I don't wanna think about lest this post becomes infinite, but, uh ... There ya go! :')

In the end, I think it's not about what's better, but about structuring, and having a vision, and not wasting my gotdam time and attention and money just because someone couldn't write a proper outline or self-edit. Single-book IFs have just been better at showing restraint and artistic vision in my experience, hence why I generally side-eye any upcoming IF or demo that advertises itself as the first in a series.

Cuz I just don't trust like that anymore.

#long post

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