#like im not joking it was originally due TODAY

[steinbit]

thank everything thankable in the world my request for a week delay on my thesis was granted or else i would not have been able to be held accountable for my potential actions tbh

[kcrossvine-art]

Heya folks n friends! Today on our LotR cooking series, we're going to be making something inspired by Mrs. Maggot, wife of Farmer Maggot. Originally we were going to do a cream of mushroom soup, but the idea of adding meat as a cheeky lil joke on their last names was too good to pass up. In my mind meat goes better with thin soups than creamy ones.

And thus Mrs. Maggots Meat 'N Mush Stew was born.

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to Mrs. Maggots Meat 'N Mush Stew?” YOU MIGHT ASKFor the stew portion itself we're going to be using a hearty base, aiming for a layering of flavors. If you feel comfortable making a roux, feel free to do so, but I did not due to energy levels and thus the flour in this recipe is only used for searing the meat before its added to the pot.

Cubed beef

Flour

Peanut oil

Beef stock

Dried porcini mushrooms

Carrots, chopped

Onion, diced

Garlic, crushed

Scallion, chopped

Bay leaf

Salt and pepper

Ground red pepper

Cumin

Zatarins gumbo file

For the other mushrooms, were going to cook them separate and throw them in at the end (but they'll have friends to keep them company!!).

Cremini mushrooms, sliced

Half an onion

Carrots

Garlic

Salt and pepper

Thyme

Olive oil

This took about 4 hours in total. If you have a slow cooker itd probably be easier to use that, but as is isn't too bad either. I mostly worked on commission stuff in the kitchen in-between stirring. "The best food is the one you don't have to make, the second best food is the one you don't have to think while making."

AND, “what does Mrs. Maggots Meat 'N Mush Stew taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

HOT HOT HOT

Tastes like walking from the cold into the cramped but cozy bar your friend works at

Meat was so tender and juicy, melts in your mouth. Makes you cry

It wanst actually carmelization but the onions had a hint of tasting caramelized

Mushrooms- a strong umami flavor with a bit of smokeyness

Once you get that Perfect level of gumbo file, it just makes every other element stick out more

Like an energy booster for the ingredients

A spotlight on the bay leaf, and oils, and spices

. If you don't want to use beef, feel free to use vegetable stock instead and replace the cubes with strips of king oyster mushrooms. Exclude the flour but still cook them in the pan. . this isnt officially part of the recipe since im not sure itd be 'on theme', but feel free to start your rice cooker around the 3 hour mark so you can have some hot rice ready for serving as filler.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was looking through food and food mentions in LotR, Mrs.Maggot just stook out to me. 'Queen amongst farmers wives' is both really sweet and a fuckin killer description. What a legend. I wanted to do something based on her and our two options were either beer, bacon or raw mushrooms. Beer while very appealing is also not something you can whip up in a day, while raw mushrooms have a chance of killing my beloved readers. I don't want to talk about me and bacons sordid past.

And so as praise to this funky farmer women, may you add this stew to your collection of potpie, lasagna, and roast recipes.

Did i mention i started my first grease fire when making this? Yeah. Don't cover any empty greased pan even if your intent is to keep water from splashing into it.

Anyway, this recipe is a solid 10/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) The partner has already made me pledge to cook it again hehehe

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

2 lbs cubed beef

A little bit of flour to 'tumble' the meat in, in a bowl

Peanut oil to sear the beef, as needed

3 kilograms beef stock

28g dried porcini mushrooms

4 carrots, chopped

1 white onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, crushed

1 scallion branch, chopped

Salt and pepper to taste

Ground red pepper to taste

Cumin to taste

3 bay leafs

A pinch of Zatarins gumbo file

Ingredients… . . TWO:

1 lb cremini mushrooms

Half of a white onion, diced

1 carrot, chopped

2 cloves garlic, crushed

Salt, pepper, and thyme to taste

Olive oil as needed to pan-fry

Method:

Put the porcini mushrooms into a bowl, add enough warm water to cover. Give them roughly 20 minutes, or until softened and the waters turned color.

Cut the carrots, onion, and garlic.

Get a large pot with a lid, pour in your stock (or water and bouillon cubes). Pour in the porcinis and the mushroom water. Turn the burner to medium-high.

Add your bay leaves, carrots, onion, and garlic to the pot. Add extra salt if you'd like.

Tenderize and cut your beef into roughly 1 inch cubes.

In a small bowl, pour a handful of flour along with pepper, cumin, and ground red pepper. Mix until combined.

Lightly toss each cube of beef in the mixture, get a little coverage on each side.

Heat a frying pan to medium heat and add peanut oil. If using an electric stovetop it will take time to heat up.

Add some of your beef cubes to the pan, don't overcrowd it. Flip to check sides are a light brown with dark brown edges, its good for some pink/red to poke through.

Add beef cubes to the pot when done, careful of splashing.

Keep doing this in batches until all beef cubes are added. 

 Once the pot has reached a simmer, turn the heat down a few notches and cover.

Set a timer for 4 hours. Taste test every so often. Aim to stir the pot every 10-15 minutes.

(You can do steps 14-21 immediately or optionally wait a bit)

 Rinse and dry your cremini mushrooms.

Slice them vertically. Cut the carrots, onion, and garlic.

In a frying pan on medium-low heat, add olive oil, carrots, and onion. Keep the vegetables moving! When they start to change texture, add your cremini mushrooms.

Bring the pan up to medium heat. 

Once your mushrooms have cooked off the liquid inside, theyll start turning a deeper brown. Add the garlic. Keep! the! vegetables! Moving!

If the pan gets overcrowded, take some out and set it aside in a bowl. Smaller batches.

This process took roughly 15 minutes, but youll know its done once everything has a nice sear on it and the garlic is brown but not burnt. Add salt, pepper, and thyme to taste.

Set everything aside in a bowl.

Once the 4 hours are up the meat should be cooked all the way through and tender enough to pull apart. Strain the bay leaves out. Cut and add scallions. Add the bowl with cremini mushrooms.

Add a pinch of gumbo file to start, stir and taste test.

[surfinminho]

Kinktober day 27: roleplay w/ jeongin

⤷ warnings: doctor x patient roleplay but jeongin is actually a doctor, oral (f), jerking off though not descriptive, cum eating.

⤷ word count: 1k

⤷Taglist : @greysweaters-blog @hannie-bees @ashydoinwhat @chansbabygirlsstuff @hiddlestandom @stanskzsstuff @mal-lunar-28 @leeracha @linos-kitten @bonateukna @ihrtlix @conwunder @jazzyluuv

⤷ permanent taglist: @iadorethemskz @iluvseungie

*please dm me if you want to be added or removed from the taglist.*

Your boyfriend was a doctor, you barely saw him unless you went straight to his office. And that's what you usually did. If he wasn't doing procedures, he was filing paper or on break. Perfect time for your to stop by if you're free.

You always bring him a lunch or something of the sort when you're not busy with work. Texting him before stopping by.

Today you went up there unannounced, you had an important project due soon and wanted to spend time with your boyfriend before things get hectic.

You walk in with a bag asking the receptionist who had seen you too many times that she knows your name by now.

"Hi" you smile, putting your hands in your pockets.

"Hello Ms, he's not too busy he should be in his office in about 10 minutes."

You whisper a thank you, trying to catch him before he has to get back to work.

You step into his office, which was cluttered with many paper of diagnosis or reports.

You look at one of the reports out of curiosity, wondering what in the world that word could possibly mean.

You hear the door crack open causing you to turn around, the corners of your lips going up turned.

"You're here quite early? What's the problem?" He jokes as he settled down his papers. Creating an even bigger mess.

You go back to the original paper you were looking at.

"Hey, what does this mean?" You pick up the paper trying to face jeongin but he wraps his hands around your waist instead. Laying his chin on your shoulder.

"Which word?" You feel him press his hips into your backside but you try to ignore it and answer his question.

You point towards the word not bothering to try and sound it out.

"Costochondritis? It's inflammation,sweetie" he pauses, hands traveling upwards towards your breasts "it's serious, if you do not get it treated. Though, I find this completely irrelevant right now."

"I-innie, we're in public. What if someone walks in?" He presses his hands towards your forehead, pressing the palm and the backside of his hand on there.

"You're quite hot, too hot for my liking. Are you sick by any chance?"

You wanted to punch him, you guys are in his office that has the thinnest walls known to man. You felt like you were burning up, only because of him pressing his hips against you.

"'im not sick, innie please." Your fingers grip the end of the table, looking anywhere for you to go.

You see a couch, turning around you push him off of you before booking it. It's not like you didn't want him, of course you did. But you were scared of getting caught.

He doesn't react, instead he walks up to you sitting next to you.

"You have to tell me what's wrong with you? Or how am I supposed to treat you?" He takes his stethoscope off, putting it away on the chair.

"Does it hurt?" He presses on the sides of your neck, moving his fingers up and down.

"N-no innie" you felt embarrassed, never having done this type of roleplay with jeongin before but you couldn't help but like it.

"Ah, call me Doctor." He butts in, moving from your neck towards your breasts, resting his hands right over your heart.

"How about here?" Looking at you with such fever, you look at the clock reading 4:55 pm. He had to see someone at 5:30 the clock was ticking and he hasn't even made a move to pleasure you yet. Opting to drag this out longer than he needs to.

"No innie-" he cuts you off once more,

"I recall asking you to call me Doctor, no?"

"Yes." You peer your head to look at him, he was showing no reaction to this besides the boner he got, pressing against his scrubs.

"So why didn't you?"

"Sorry doctor, it doesn't hurt there" you felt as if you were going to die, either from humiliation or from the way he was looking at you.

"Can you show me where it hurts then?"

You take his hands into yours, dragging them to where you need him the most.

You press his hands against your pussy, lightly whining at the feeling

"Here? Why didn't you just say that. Such an easy fix no?"

He gets off, taking off your pants he situates you to sit at the end of the couch.

On his knees, he pushes your panties to the side not bothering to take them off.

He licks up your pussy before going straight to your clit.

He knew you guys didn't have enough time, and he wanted to make you cum quickly.

He takes two of his fingers, shoving them in your hole.

"Innie- slow down, t-too much" you try and close your legs, on instinct but he didn't care lips still attached to your cunt.

"This is what's gonna happen, I'm gonna make you cum, then fuck the shit out of you after this meeting got it?" He sucks on your clit, fingers curling up against your g-spot you wanted to last for him but you don't think you can.

"c-cumming!" You clench down on his fingers, cumming all over his face.

"See good girl." He pulls your pants back up, going over to his desk to grab some paper to clean you off.

"w-what about you?" Instead of answering your question, he shoves his hands in your mouth. You taste his semen on your tongue, licking his fingers clean.

"Does that answer your question?" He wipes your face of sweat before checking the time.

5:25. "I should get going, you can stay or leave it doesn't matter to me. See you later princess" he gives you a kiss on your forehead before leaving the room.

You decide to stay, looking up at the ceiling thinking what the fuck did you just do.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[the-kr8tor]

I'm not gonna lie- r being somewhat nonchalant in my hobie hcs are because of the fact im inclined to be like that since I cannot handle any sort of affection. You tell me I look cute and I've gone feral boutta rip you to shreds (affectionately) Daily Hobie HC! Literally no connection to what I'm writing but im making those cardboard sharks decor things and im gonna give it a spiked collar. The morning has been awfully chilly for going out of winters, your hands clinging to your mug of hot chocolate and pressing your body into your human heater of a partner, Hobie. Hobie, admittedly, has been hating the chilliness, but he's more focused on how tiny you look curled up into him. Hobie pulls the thick blanket around the two of you as you both lay on the couch, the rain sounding like people jumping on top of the houseboat. Originally, you two had a date planned today, but due to the heavy rain, you both had to cancel it, which admittedly had the both of you feeling a little more demotivated than usual. However, Hobie suggested to have just a casual movie day, which sounded like the best idea currently. God forbid he gets into the kitchen with the stove on...you'll never forget the chewy soup or what happened when he was left unattended one time. As he flicks through the corniest romance movies he can find to laugh at, you pull down your socks slightly, pressing your cold feet to his side where his sweater had hitched up. Hobie exclaims with shock, flinching away with a feigned bitter look while you laugh like a villain. Eventually, he finds a movie while you properly cuddle up to his side, head on his chest as his hand slowly warms you up, the both of you sipping hot chocolate while watching one of the cringiest romance movies he could find. Hobie laughs the hardest at your disgusted expression whenever something extra romance-y happened, the both of you making fun of the entire movie as it happened, looking away to drink the hot chocolate in order to not lose appetite. The movies keep going, from corny, cheesy romance to downright terrible comedy. However, they all become just material for the jokes you both keep passing, teasing each other and guffawing at each other's overexaggerated expressions. Hobie, the entire time, is a little more focused on your reactions, your happiness and laughter extremely contagious, especially to him. His fingers softly ran through your hair, gently undoing some tangles that occurred. He knew how much they annoyed you at times, considering people immediately assume that you don't brush out your hair, even though you do it passionately out of frustration at times. An idea for payback entered his mind. Hobie's hands cup underneath your knees, pulling your legs over his own and having you sit sideways. He's done this before, so you aren't too fazed. However, the moment you feel his hand hold your ankles down, you knew you made a grave mistake by letting your guard down. Hobie quickly attacks you with tickles, releasing your ankles and moving up, pinning you underneath himself as he torments you with his nimble fingers. Revenge for practically giving him frostbite with your cold feet. -🐦‍⬛

(for scientific purposes) you're adorable 🐦‍⬛ anon 😉

Yeess give the sharks accessories!!!

Daily Hobie HC ‼️

Oh to cuddle up with the love of your life while it's raining outside 😍😍😍😍😍

It's so cold here rn and i felt this hc in my bones 🥰 I want my own cuddlebug too even though he likes tickling me (he better not say anything when i accidentally kick him bc of the tickles) I could go for some hot chocolate rn

Chewy soup

I still love that reference lol i can see you're one of the OGs hahhahahha

I bet if the house boat can handle a fire pit Hobie would light it up on cold winter nights so you two could roast marshmallows together while he makes s'mores abominations by stacking it until it can barely fit in his mouth 😂

[bookish-bogwitch]

Year in Review! Annotated.

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@facewithoutheart

@aroace-genderfluid-sheep

@cutestkilla

@martsonmars

@artsyunderstudy

It checks out. Love you guys!

Longest Tag:

#listened to this fic's playlist today to just enjoy the vibe of simon and baz sexily blowing everything up and beating the shit out of each

<- pretty sure that was for @fatalfangirl's Dead in Vegas, an awesome fic with an awesome playlist

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Remember when Simon ate some beard cologne because it smelled like Baz? At the risk of beating a perfectly good joke to death, Simon has reviewed his way through the entire plot of Carry On. 

Read it on AO3 

25 very short chapters, 5k, T.

Thank you betas @martsonmars​ and @ivelovedhimthroughworse​.

72 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#4

Thank you for the tags @confused-bi-queer​ and @moodandmist​. I wanted to share six sentences of an EGF offering but am having problems with it. Here instead is a live feed of the struggle.

Em:       From “Where were you, Baz?” And… Action!

Simon:  Where were you, Baz?

Baz:      I’m sorry I couldn’t come back to you sooner, Simon. I wanted to.

Em:       Cut. Baz, your line is None of your business, Snow. And then you curl your lip like we talked about. 

Simon:  I do like when he does that.

Em:       Exactly. And… Action!

Simon:  Where were you, Baz?

Baz:      I was kidnapped. I thought about you every minute.

Simon:  (beaming) Really?

Em:       CUT. Baz! This is porn. You’re due to be shagged up against the wall in 200 words sharp. We can’t get sidetracked.

Baz:      I’m sorry, this is just what I feel.

Simon:  (to Baz) Babe, I think we should hear her out.

Baz:      I’m not a piece of meat.

Simon:  Can I be the meat?

EDIT: This is now its own fic.

Everything’s a Story, 1.7k, E

Tagging @shemakesmeforget, @facewithoutheart, @fatalfangirl, @palimpsessed, @mostlymaudlin, @johnwgrey, @ileadacharmedlife, @captain-aralias, @aristocratic-otter, @martsonmars, @sillyunicorn, @tea-brigade, @stillmadaboutpetra, @cutestkilla, @forabeatofadrum, @whatevertheweather, @papercut271, @otherworldsivelivedin, @urban-sith, @bazzybelle​, @takitalks​, @stardustasincocaine​, @im-gettingby​, @prettylightsbigcity​ AND YOU READING THIS. 

84 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#3

When Baz has a love interest Fiona doesn’t know about (CO):

When Fiona has a love interest Baz doesn’t know about (AWTWB):

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

144 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#2

AWTWB is just such an amazingly crafted book. 

First we get Baz listening to music in his post-breakup wallow:

The next two lines of that song, which don’t appear in AWTWB, are 

I could drink a case of you, darling, And I would still be on my feet

Which sounds an awful lot like

See the full post

172 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

JEFFREY NOOOOO

202 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

Yes, my #1 post is not original writing, or loving on a friend's writing, or some thoughtful meta about my favorite book. It's the shitpost that I apparently blazed while blind drunk on Thanksgiving. Good job self well done

[probablydinosaurs]

this was originally a twitter thread but mehhhh. the audience of one-two here get my insane venting instead. its 3am. I've had a rough day and I just want to list it out from worst to least worst. sorry if this is venting. again 3am. 1: my sister showed up completely unannounced, and waltzed in a fight with my other sister and her husband at their place. she had good reason to be here (she's homeless and is a fuckin ice age here. that's not a problem. we are glad she went to us for help.)-sadly she's an entitled fuck who begged my dad for cigs when we have NOTHING BUT A ROOF to give. its SCARY how poor we are. She was also VERY TRANSPHOBIC, which was not on my sister's bingo card this year. mainly about trans woman and their "complaining". my already shit sister saying terf shit was not smth i thought id hear. i was very upset about that. i haven't talked to her bc ik if i do, il cry but I've been giving her the silent treatment unless it's akward. 2: i have covid. had symptoms since like the 13th (i joked that i got it for my birthday) and its been a nightmare. i can't sleep. Eating sucks. my nose hurts. i think i blew a blood vessel in my eye. its just been the worst. 3: due to being unable to sleep, im wildly manic at 3am. i have nothing to do and no one to talk to. and im unreasonably upset that people on tiktok think Spongebob is a kid. like boi your face screams "post movie" pleaaasseee educate yourself on cartoon history. he is an adult! 4: after ALLL of this like 7 mins ago, the fire alarm randomly beeped a few times. luckily not a lot but still. stressed me the FUCK OUT. nothing is on. i think bc its the FUCKIN ICE AGE OUTSIDE, the apartment is a TAD too warm (witch its not. my feet are frozen)

5: found out today that scientists didn't start using real menstrual blood on pads/tampons till AUGUST OF LAST YEAR??? WTF WERE U USING BEFORE? That's why pads are always off SOMEHOW. SOMEHOW there's an issue. and tampons never fit right. they have been fuckin guessin for decades 6: my new cat is a needy hoe. I'm used to it but with covid and barely being able to walk/exist, her sweving between my legs is a nightmare. I always have to throw a bottle cap down the hallway just so she doesn't get in my room. 7: been on upsetting media tiktok. why the fuck is there a fandom forming around a vent cartoon about S/A???? like I won't say its bad but that's not a FANDOM THING! yall are fucked up (also it parodies the peewee's playhouse op and that bugs me. i love peewee.)

interlude: my needy hoe of a cat is named peewee (well to my mom, it's now Princess Pipsqueak but thats not a good name to say in frustration as I'm trying to exist down the hallway. also, we thought she was a boi at first and she has a face that looks like paul Reubens's. I still see it. 8: I have used up all the TP and tissues in the house and have been using paper towels to blow my nose, which is roughing up my already red sore nose. I put gold bond on my nose and it BURNED but now it feels smoother. 9: i feel like i annoy people with my Hannibal hyperfixation. i have yet to truly let it spread here but it's EVERYWHERE ELSE. (and il probs reblog this onto my hannibal blog so hiiiii) and yet it feels like no one cares. ik it's a bit niche, upsetting not everyones thing but Ive NEVER loved smth more and it hurts when i don't talk about it I just. want to get someone into it. someone else got me into it and it means a lot. I hope they are doing ok. I'm grateful they gave me my favorite hyperfixation ever. I've littrally never loved anything more. and I've been into a LOT of stuff. i was called annoying by an ex friend because i got into things too much. and to them, "too much" was anything that wasn't "i like this thing. i think this thing is good and cool. lets rp weird incest about it." (i hate my teen years) but like. that ex friend would HAAAAATE by hyperfixatiing now. i have friends to ENABLE ME NOW. 10: just added this one. kinda put two and two together that corp vtubers birthdays most likely aren't their real birthdays. everyone is celebrating a graduated corps bday and yet they moved to another company and like. no birthday in sight. and it feels weird to latch onto their old persona's bday when they are right there with probs a new (and more real maybe) birthday. you can actually go celebrate with them whenever their "new" birthday is and yet you are clinging to the past. especially since they are THRIVING where they are rn and were not happy as a bigger corp.

thats a bout it. thanks if u saw this and read. its ok if you didnt. i just had a LOT go on lately.

[jumex-again]

Well, i don't think is another universe |Pom

So everyone has a theory that the "Penguins of Madagascar" TV show is an alternate universe due to the fact that Alex and company are not at the zoo. Many, in fact, say that it is exactly the same universe as the original with the only difference that the events of the "madagascar" saga didn't happen

Well guess what! Me a anti-system. And I will say everything that is wrong with this theory because of yes. (Besides, today I have free time)

The first thing I would like to say is that the events of Madagascar DID happen in the universe of the TV series. It is something mentioned infrequently, but mentioned

In the chapter "Field Trip" there is a moment in which the penguins are hiding in a shop window in Madagascar. When the boy who saw them goes to tell his teacher he says "I swear, I saw them! They were in Madagascar"

Coincidence? Yes, it was a coincidence. That's the joke. The important thing is what Skipper says after he hears 2hat the kid sayd; "MADAGASCAR? For how long has he been following us.."

That, my friends. Was not a coincidence. That's a reference!

I can remember very well that it has been mentioned in other times, but I don't remember the exact episodes.

This leave us whit the tv series being the LAST part of the madagascar trilogy, and if you ask why Private is not a little monster check the post-credits scene in the Penguins movie

So, yes, this also explains the Manfredy and Jonson theme. In the episode of "the return of the blowhole revenge" the first thing that Skipper remembers is them, but that doesn't automatically means he meet them up first. It could mean that whatever happened to them leave such an impact that is hard to errase it from the poor lider memory. Yes, people, that can happend.

So what im gonna do whit this large text? im rewatching the whole mf series. Yep. Im doing that. Im bored.

THEN i may post a theory from a show that died like 9 years ago in reddit. I'll show this fandom is still alive i promise

[emperornero]

combining the two ask games ive been tagged in recently so everything is in one place 👍👍 anyone who sees this can do it and tag me as the one who made you do it idk thank you for tagging me ^_^

1 - tagged by @evecc

are you named after anyone? - i assume this question is more of a ‘are you named after your grandparent or some famous person’ but im in this weird place where YES all of my names come from other “people” but its not in the traditional way lol . ive been using axel as a first name for about 5 years now and it comes from my old original character. yes im named after an oc. nero is obvious. theo is more of a joke than something i would consider going by irl but its from a video game character

what was the last time you cried? - today yayy

do you have kids? - no and i never want to be a parent if i have the choice

do you use sarcasm a lot? - no and i dont understand it and i often struggle with obvious jokes both through text and irl. my brain is fucked and even if something has been stated before to be a joke i usually dont remember it

what sports do you play/have played? - i used to swim before hitting puberty. now im not comfortable with anything and once again my mental issues dont make it as fun as it could be

whats the first thing you notice about people? - if its a physical trait its probably clothing. i will look at the colors and try to remember what someone is wearing to remember them better

eye color? - dark brown

scary ending or happy ending? - depends on the media but happy is nice :]

any special talents? - i dont think i have any .

where were you born? - small random city in poland

what are your hobbies? - digital art and ancient rome are my main . i also like learning about pokemon [the competitive scene and its changes more specifically]. other than that i always enjoyed studying biology

do you have pets? - a kitty named kefir and a dog named toro. the latter is unfortunately very old and is having health issues caused by that. ive been preparing for his death for the last weeks but i think im more calm about it now. hes doing ok but i know it will happen soon..

how tall are you? - 6 feet / 180+ cm. i slouch a lot due to my chest so its not always visible.

favourite subject in school? - biology and latin

dream job? - i used to really want to be a dentist but honestly i dont know. mental problems impact my view of the future a lot and im not sure what im even capable of doing anymore

2 - @theromaboo

relationship status - taken :]

favourite color - all shades of purple and tyrian purple

song stuck in head - pizza tower ost unexpectancy part 3

last song ive listened to - scatterbrain by radiohead

three favourite foods - mcdonalds nuggets . salmon. garlic bread

last thing i googled - its literally all just polish to english translations for words i dont remember lol

dream trip - ancient roman sites in italy again but this time i actually have some time to see stuff instead of being in a group aaghfg

anything i want right now - freedom ?

[ethernetmeep]

i learned today that i seemed to deal with a heavy weight of scrupulosity as a preadolescent child, particularly the religious aspect of it.. then again, my experience with religion as a whole is strange. i’d prefer to discuss this with a person face-to-face of sorts, not to downplay the way i enjoy typing words and sending them out to the general populous of the 7 or so individuals here of course, but just because seeing how it contrasts with another persons way of living would be interesting.

for example, (and this is highly personal, but i feel comfortable sharing it to whomever may see! i am okay being vulnerable, at the moment..) when i was young i have a distinct memory of being petrified to speak alone to a priest. it was an act of confession all the students of the religious education group had to do, but i was horrified. i was afraid of admitting what i’d done, but i didn’t even know if i did anything. i was constantly afraid of being morally wrong, but also afraid to be alone with that man. i remember crying my eyes out to not do it, begging and sobbing, and i somehow managed to get out of it.

i tell my mother that memory and she asks me why i didn’t wish to get out sooner. i wanted to; i just didn’t think she’d believe me, and if she did i didn’t think she would do anything about it. regardless, during many of my years in religious education i was sick to my stomach about it. i personally don’t remember this, likely blocking out the memory due to awful things surrounding it, but by my mothers words one day one of my instructors had apparently told our class anyone who was gay would burn in hell. yeah yeah insert your jokes here, haha, funny funny i get it, (<- sarcasm) but it sincerely and horribly fucked with my young mind. ever since that day, i think i was afraid. i was afraid of dying & going to hell, essentially; even if i didn’t know what i was, i knew i was something different and that i was wrong. abnormal.

i think back on those days. i think about a young child being abnormally afraid of something that was originally supposed to be comforting. it probably was at a younger age, and although possibly comforting in theory the religion itself isn’t one i particularly cling with. i have more bad memories than good. i still feel awful for disappointing my grandmother by never completing my confirmation. the only reason i went on with it for so long was because of both being forced to and simultaneously because i was told it would help with marriage. there was no real benefit; i didn’t believe in it, only did it because i had to, and by the time you as a individual got older they stopped giving out snacks. that was the only part i enjoyed

..anyway, take all this as you will. ive since seemed to grow out of the intense paranoia i had as a child, but it occasionally manages to seep back in. learning there was a term for this & that i hadn’t just been crazy was both very comforting & simultaneously a punch to the gut. apparently i have a severe case of OCD tendencies.. which lines up, with both genetics and the entire way i function anyway. i also have had a pretty prominent sort of acknowledgment for what is definitely over a year now that i have autism to some degree.. its almost uncomfortably obvious in the way i function, i think. professional diagnosis is long and expensive. i’ve been asking for months about if i go have a sort of check up of sorts with the man who proctored me. probably been waiting for over a year; nothing. it is what it is, i suppose

the reason i say this is many things; the rather blatant fact i am confused by statements like ‘apple of my eye’ or ‘heart on my sleeve’, although i know what they mean, they’re still perplexing to me. why not just say someone is unique? heart on ones sleeve is a bit easier to comprehend so therefore i don’t really have a thing to translate it to, but i digress.. maybe its because im very literal. i notice intricate details and remember niche unimportant memories. im awful at reading social cues. sometimes i seem be make others uncomfortable without knowing. this ends up making me viscerally mad and upset at myself, as i frequently get frustrated with my own inability to read social situations well. what i would categorize as a special interest is difficult besides the entirety of the ocean & sea creatures & whatnot.. then again, thats a big category of interests. im unsure. loud noises freak me out & i tend to do repetitive motions. i dislike odd textures of food or hard mixed in with soft or chewy in smooth & other enigmas. i have no clue how my friends can eat the school parfaits without puking from the sensory nightmare. i have comfort items like the sea slug i carry with me. i am acutely paranoid of many things. i accidentally say things which come off as rude which are just observations. i also can be very blunt & come off as rude when i don’t mean to. i hold an overwhelming amount of empathy; its odd, so many proctors say people with autism have very little empathy, but its not always like that.. some have too much. its a spectrum..

anyway.. im tired. moral OCD is an odd thing. i feel like an idiot for not realizing ive had so many of these signs from early childhood, especially considering my mother..

apparently its meant to rain tomorrow. that will be fun :-)

[ylimemariee]

Read this and take a moment to realize what’s wrong… church vs. outside of church. My comment is in there. This is a good conversation that needs to happen. A lot of lonely people out there like me that struggle to connect due to society. Everyone’s all coupled up and me being a person that just wants to make friends and connect with other people. It’s fellow believers I’ve grown to not be as comfortable around it’s because I basically went to where I was gonna be taken seriously and valued. In 2018 I was done with my fake friendships so I went to work.

Someone who felt abandoned from the church community throughout my whole life I’ve always had church on my own. I connect with the people who wanna connect with me. I used to always wanna do group nights. I’ve always wanting to get people together so we can connect like how we were called to. A lot of the advice I take is from the Bible. Im different then the norm I guess. It is true to be that most churches only focus on married couples and 2.3 aged kids. My gen is almost 30 and im one of many who are still single. Always feeling left out I just let go of alot of that and I owed it to my current church to forgive them. I actually got a sorry in a sermon to my group of people. I watched the place I was growing in, bring in people I had no clue about. At the time they didn’t even seem passionate about what they were about to take on and that was students. I stepped away while hearing about them becoming youth pastor and perfect church young hipster couple. It’s so hard for the singles out there today. We’re literally thrown out like trash to be recycled. Gonna be a hard read for some. But I believe that Gods put me on this earth for the hard conversations. What impresses me today is just as simple as someone replying to a TEXT. My pet peeve is texting ghosts. Especially if it’s a meaningful emotional text. Im convinced people especially most of my own generation, has no balls. The factory were I spent 3 years away from everything working around the men I did and especially military men, Marine to be exact... They taught me how to have balls no matter the cost. With the trauma I faced too, I had someone try to legit end me. Like almost got hit on purpose by their car that they were driving…on purpose to threaten me. Car was inches by my feet going at full speed; if she hit me I wouldn’t be alive today or be able to walk. It was a sports edition brand new grey dodge hellcat. Real shit man…My OG tattoo artist friend who ran from God and then came back was the first that taught me that. I know that every thing God has planned for me has had its reasoning. And it’s just molding me more into who He’s made me to be. Take everything you read and then when your out in the world breathe it out. If we actually talk to one another maybe this wouldn’t be an issue.

Just like Jesus calls us all to do, all I want is to be accepted for who I am as I am. In the mess. If you see me with your eyes and wanna say something, fuck the clichés do something about it. I been screaming at my FedEx coworkers at the very exact same thing. If ya wanna talk to someone do it, don’t waste anyone’s time. Nobody likes a tease right? If nobody likes a tease in our friendships let’s not be teases. And my current church is amazing for keeping their originality and in their journey with God and growing as a church. I love how human my Pastor is. Always admired him for it. He’ll always have my respect for it too. When I was in Haiti with him my highlight was him making the cheesy donkey ass jokes. It’s why I came back. In the world today, you especially want to always be sure your getting truth in the right place and I feel like I am.

My grammar may be shit on this post, but if someone gets it and runs with it. I did my part.

And I have friends they just live far away from me. I moved to a new area cause I wanted to, I love new experiences. I wanna see and meet the world Gods made and admire His artwork in me and around me.

Oorah

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2004): Hellcore

Mordeth Award is the award given to the WAD that had a very long development cycle. It was named after the WAD titled Mordeth, which became infamous for its second episode being in Development Hell to this day.

Today we will be taking a look at one of the WADs that might as well be one of the most severe cases of Development Hell of its time.

Br1: Hellcore

Main author(s): Various (most of the maps were created by Robert Babor (Fusion) and Devon West (Darkfyre))

Release date: September 27th, 2004 (database upload)

Version played: ??? (WAD file references itself as hc092604)

Required port compatibility: ZDoom (especially for MAP29 and MAP32)

Levels: 32 (30 main ones, secret one, and the bonus map)

Hellcore, to put it lightly, is a mess. Not only in terms of the state it was released but also due to how many problems it gave its authors when it was created.

How did it all happen? Well, it all started in 1995, when Robert Babor made his first-ever Doom map (Sheer Chaos). After that, he made another one (UAC Compound) and connected these two maps together with the former’s exit fluently leading to the latter. And then he thought: Why not make WAD as long as Doom II that acts like this? So he e-mailed Devon West (who was also just starting with modding) with the proposition of making the MegaWAD, and the latter agreed. And thus, the concept of Hellcore was born.

So what happened? Well, a couple of reasons why this MegaWAD was in the oven for so long. Its developers losing and gaining back motivation to work on it, being busy with other stuff/real life, and Robert’s and Devon’s perfectionism are some of the biggest reasons why Hellcore was being im-making for such a long time. By 2004, the development team couldn’t stand this WAD anymore, especially Robert. And so it was released in a rather premature state.

What has been released for the Doom Community is something that feels like a collection of maps that developers had no more time and strength to revamp all of them to the current (by 2004) standards.

If you want to know more about Hellcore, check out the text file that was in the ZIP file along with the WAD file itself. It has commentary on maps and when they were created (and revamped if that happened) among other informations about this WAD.

Now buckle up, cowboys! We are going for a ride to the core of Hell itself!

...

I’m sorry for this dad joke.

Now reviewing the visuals of WADs isn’t really that hard, but in this case, I might have a problem doing it. Now look, if someone would say that Hellcore is very much of a case of a mixedbag in terms of its visuals, it would be nothing more but a fact. Alongside levels that look amazing and are complex, there are ones that are clearly the case of the 1994-Level Syndrome: blocky, simplistic, and not really having much of a sense.

But the problem with Hellcore’s visuals comes with the fact that many of these levels were created in the 1990s’ without getting a proper revamping. So looking at all of these maps by 2004 standards feels straight-up unfair in my belief.

But let me tell you something. Even some of the oldest maps in this WAD tend to have some moments that might be an eye candy for you. Not gonna lie. For me, the highlights were On Hell's Horizon, Tryx 'n Traps, and especially Nightmare's Requiem.

The music tracks were rather good to listen to. Almost all of them were either from the Doom Classic games or any other games. Most of these were good (especially stuff from Blood) although there were a few moments where it didn’t fit. Secure Place from the original Resident Evil 2 is the biggest case, mostly because it is so freaking short.

The original tracks were also good in my opinion. My favorite one was Grand Design from Too Quiet. All three new tracks were created by Simon Judd (sirjuddington).

I don’t really think Hellcore is complicated. The most complicated map was Toxic Waste Treatment Centre, with trying to guess which building must be visited next to do dumb switch hunting. But even then, it was a far cry from some of the biggest moon logic bulls I have played in the past (Eternal Doom and Herian 2 for instance).

Unfortunately, Hellcore tends to mostly have at least one bad map design per level. Running from one end of a map to another after flipping a switch, some of the switches being placed higher than they should’ve been, areas that are completely pitch-black asides from short flashes (2-3 levels have this moment), normal textures being used as switches that are obligatory to beat the level, and my arch-nemesis – the chest-lift floor (or at least the corridor type) among the ones that I can think off.

Oh yeah, there is also the fact that many of these levels have square-shaped hub areas that have at least two key doors. Now usually I don’t mind these hub areas, but good lord, having at least one of these in a few levels in a row is ridiculous and unimaginative.

Not to mention how most of the levels (usually the ones made by Robert Babor) aren’t even finished. You will encounter invisible walls where the railings should’ve been, some of the locations have nothing or are blocked, and there is even one moment in the first map where the secret on the ship has nothing in it; it’s just an empty square.

If you play this WAD normally, you will play only 31 maps. MAP32 cannot be played normally unless you warp there. I didn’t check it out at this moment, because asides from what I’ve just mentioned, it doesn’t even have an exit. Maybe I’ll check it for the bonus round when I’ll play it for the first time if it will be worth it. But not today.

I guess this WAD is somewhere in the middle when it comes to difficulty. Most of the time it was rather easy, but there were moments when it got hot. I think it was mostly fair too, although there were a few moments here and there that smelled of bullshit. Then again, the amount of enemies tends to go from mostly under 100 up to 645 in Sect of Power, so be advised when you feel like the progress becomes sluggish.

At least the last map (having the same name as the WAD) isn’t yet another shitty Icon of Sin debauchery of a map. It’s still rather nonsensically hard I’ll say. There are a few cows blocking your way to Romero’s Head. And these are blocked by around 40 other cows among other demons. I managed to beat this map on my second playthrough without cheating, by provoking the demons to fight, and after the numbers of their carcasses have stopped going up, I grabbed the Invun and rammed the cows protecting Romero with BFG. Somehow, it worked.

Hellcore has bugs, there is no doubt. It’s not really as buggy as I thought at first now that I think about it, but it still has a bunch of these.

I’ve already mentioned the invisible walls where the railings were supposed to be but there was also a moment in Circle of Trinity where the bars that will lower when you get close to them will not do it if you just immediately walk around them. The funniest part is that the bars are only here for decoration. It’s actually another invisible wall blocking your path.

I remember one funny moment during my first playthrough, where in Packaging/Shipping I was fighting a few Hell Knights, and one of those goatmen just noclipped through the floor, ending up stuck there. Making me unavailable to kill him.

The most severe bug that I’ve encountered when playing Hellcore was in Massacre, where I was supposed to take the teleporter back to the first area after grabbing the yellow key. But alas, the teleporter was broken since it wasn’t programmed where to land, making Massacre impossible to finish unless you noclip through the map back to the beginning of it.

Like I said at the beginning of the review, Hellcore is one big mess of a WAD. A warning to people who think about making 32 maps-long MegaWAD despite having next to no experience in Doom map making. With around 9 years long development, unfinished maps, burnout of the main mappers, a mixedbag of maps created from 1995 to 2004 slapped together with a dollar store glue, and glitches here and there, I’m still kind of surprised that it was released in a rather good state. Because, hey! It’s not really that awful, I’ve played WADs that gave me much less fun than Hellcore, and this WAD is actually playable (until MAP28).

Would I recommend this WAD, though? Honestly, I don’t really think so. The quality difference between many maps may be too much for you. There is, however, Hellcore 2.0, a 12-maps-long WAD that has revamped maps from the original MegaWAD with three new maps added to the roster. It even won a Cacoward from the 2006 edition. You should try that one. And I’ll review that WAD when its time will come.

Now let me tell you something before I’ll end this post. I want to give the Mordeth Award WADs a chance to win more. So the winners of this award will be marked as nominees (for the lack of better words) for the future Revenant Awards ceremonies (if they aren’t in the top ten already). I’ll probably do the same thing with other WADs that weren’t the Golden Ten. I don’t know if I’ll do the same thing with Mockaward winners at this point. I’ll have to think about it in the future.

But that’s all for today, folks. Next time we will be taking a look at the finale of the Doomworld Forums trilogy.

I’ll see you all then.

Happy 29 years of Doom!

[euargh]

I posted 576 times in 2022

That's 576 more posts than 2021!

157 posts created (27%)

419 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/ chuchuinwonderland

@/ veele70

@/ im-being-held-hostage

@/ firecooking

@/shinekittenace (SORRY, I'M REALLY SHY AND DON'T WANT TO ACCIDENTALLY ANNOY ANYONE. -SOBS.-)

I tagged 555 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#lmao - 167 posts

#spamton - 166 posts

#deltarune - 54 posts

#same - 44 posts

#me - 40 posts

#blogging - 36 posts

#garfield - 35 posts

#vent - 28 posts

#mood - 24 posts

#idk - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#lmao no really he did literally wake up screaming and it freaked me out but he saw and experienced in his nightmare the hells i endured

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

had a rough past two three years, but I think I will try to maybe return back into the internet world and try to revive this account because I want to be part of a fandom and community again. I’ve become reclusive but the Spamton fandom makes me want to crawl out of hiding to join in. I have no idea who I am following or who is following me, sorry. but uh hi there. also I forgot how to use this place but I shall learn (I want to make my layout Spamton themed.)

edit: my carrd https://segstuff.carrd.co/ and discord info: https://euargh.tumblr.com/post/702133847753736192/heres-my-discord-superevilgenius5125-feel-free art tumblr: https://segdraws.tumblr.com/

8 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#4

Sorry for not posting this earlier. I ended up having to simultaneously cook/clean for the entire day and then got angry at myself for not making this quick video sooner. I hate that my bank account only has four dollars in it. If I knew a Jevil plush was going to happen, I would have saved up for it like I did the Spamton plush. B’) Oh well.

10 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#3

My dad: [unclear] called me a big shot! Here’s your package.

Me: WHAT THE MAIL PERSON GETS THE JOKE AND OPENLY SAID IT AFTER RECOGNIZING THE PACKAGE’s RETURN ADDRESS?!

Dad: no, I said your package called me a big shot.

Me: oh

I saved for months and had finally enough money just in time to order SPAMTON on its release day! HE IS HERE!

13 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#2

story time:

so today I woke up after hearing loud electrical buzzing outside. It was freaky and sounded like something getting electrocuted. Suddenly BOOM the power went out. I sat up. The power returned then flickered again before shutting off. Again it happened, then finally stayed off for a few hours. It made me finally realize how horrible it must have been when my family was without power for two weeks during the Texas shutdown back in February 2021. I wasn’t here when it happened but lmao I like thinking that because I am back and here to stay it won’t happen again. (LIKE, I’M GONE FOR SIX MONTHS AND EVERYTHING FALLS APART, GOES TO HELL, AND DIES. Typical. There were so many dead trees and things and everything was in ruins when I had returned and other bad things. Jeez, fml. but... I guess maybe that means I am actually important? idk I just try to find stupid little things to give me reason to continue living instead of the “end it” dark thoughts solution that creeps up on me.) Anyways back on topic. I was irritated at being in the dark but I remembered  my Garfield lamp and used it!

I currently obsess over Garfield, Spamton, and Inside Job. Secondary obsessions, Peeps chicks, Pokemon cards. It’s hard remaining interested in things so I force myself to obsess over things to “stay” and pretend there’s meaning. I was originally going to film something and shower today but it was dark and becoming cold in the house and I changed my mind. (58F and dropping. Currently it’s 45F down here.) Then the power finally returned, but then every single hour it would shut off again. I suppose it was due to the wind outside being cold and heavy. This tropical region can’t handle the cold. Anyways, I think the power is finally stable. dunno, just wanted to log down a diary entry. hi

16 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

oh man people keep thinking Jevil sold out faster than Spamton because he’s popular, (which yessss he’s awesome) but REALLY Fangamer stated themselves that it takes a couple months to make a bunch of plushes and most likely after the Spamton plush was released, there was a HUGE demand for Jevil plushes to which they went to work on that. (As in the Spamton plush was announced on 4/20, then it was released many months later in September! whereas the Jevil  plush only had a few months to be worked on (September to November) and they weren’t sure how good the sales would be and decided to test before creating a whole load of them like the Spamton plush, to which it was successful and now they will make a whole load of them. AND I TOO REALLY WANT ONE,

29 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

[actualbird]

Marius be like "I'm the hottest out of all the nxx bitches" but are you the hottest in your family? Checkmate

KJBJDFBKJSD, ANON??? TODAY YOU CHOSE VIOLENCE AGAINST MARIUS VON HAGEN COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED, IM LOSING MY MIND!!!

i (predictably) want to analyze this for too many words than is strictly necessary tho so

// cn server spoilers, how marius' dad looks like

LET'S TAKE A VISUAL LOOK AT THE VON HAGEN FAMILY!!!

hey, quick question, why is this family so good looking? i know the answer, it's because of genes, but good LORD. gonna skip over marius because we all know hes hot but HEYYYY, AUSTIN VON HAGEN, ARE YOU LIKE....FREE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT? i jest of course but he looks great (sidenote: his sprite in game is actually shorter than marius, so the tall genes must have come from dead mom, rip, but man, i wanna see mrs. von hagen, tall waman, sign me UP). but like, looking at how attractive marius is due to how elegantly beautiful austin is, like, giann must look SO GOOD.

i already screamed about how i think giann would look like in this post so i'll move on to how the other nxx bitches, as youve dubbed them, react to how giann looks like!!!

vyn has reacted long ago, marius hasnt met vyn yet when vyn meets giann. vyn and giann founded the Giannovyn Research Center together (guys you have GOT to get better naming skills, u two rlly just put ur names together, it's ridiculous) so vyn knew giann!! and he probs found giann attractive but in a passing way since they were both working on setting up a mental health center together.

artem also got to meet giann at some point. since neil and giann were the original members of the nxx and neil was very very close with artem before he went missing, i figure neil introduced the two. i dont think artem found giann hot because artem only finds people hot once he's drunkenly expressed his deepest insecurities to them, or something.

LUKE AND MC HOWEVER....

okay luke and mc maybe passingly know what giann looks like since giann was like, a Huge figure in society. but they saw him through skimmed news articles or magazines here and there, they never really looked.

so when the day giann (and neil, no nxx bitch left behind!!) are safely found from wherever the fuck they went missing to, after the initial YAY UR BACK vibes, luke and mc are like

luke: your older brother is hot

mc: yeah hes very good looking

marius, covering his ears: I DONT WANT TO HEAR THIS ABOUT MY GODDAMN BROTHER, GUYS, WHAT THE HELL?????

but it's all very playful lol. after a few jokes about it, everybody moves on.

however

if marius is in a relationship (and choose whichever ship you fancy, mc, one of the nxx boys, full polycule, i support it all) and the other party/parties of the relationship express this joking appreciation of giann...

something very dark and afraid hisses in marius' heart

marius is the youngest child. when he was growing up, giann always called marius his "baby brother" which makes sense given that theyre 10 years apart but also. youngest child syndrome is fascinating. giann was the one who took on the business, he was one of the people who started the nxx, he was the one who did things big and meaningful and marius, ever since he was a kid, always felt as if he was in his older brother's shadow.

giann was never bad, of course. he always treated marius well, if a little bit protective and shithead-y (a von hagen trait i assume is consistent thru them all) way. he never did anything to make marius feel inferior. but marius couldnt help but feel that he wasnt good enough. that he'll always be a step behind giann and he'll never, ever be able to catch up

a joke about giann being better than marius in any way may trigger just a whole slew of insecurities for marius, if hes in a relationship. which is SO DUMB, he KNOWS OKAY. he trusts his partner/s and also giann is ENGAGED and so so whipped for his fiancee but feelings dont make sense 90% of the time. marius isnt jealous, hes just afraid that the people hes given his heart to will realize that

hes never been great. and he never will be.

marius tries to not let it show. he hides his fear under overdramatic annoyance, his own dumb jokes, his easy smirk and deflections.

but when youre in a relationship, whatever you feel will always be known somehow.

marius doesnt know what's worse: the fact he feels like this, the fact he thinks he doesnt have the right to want assurance for this, or the fact that

all of this makes him feel so young

he wonders, is he ever going to grow up?