#like it CAN be about abuse if that's your perspective or how it resonates with you! but that isn't the definitive only way to see it

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

"If you had a happy childhood of course you don't find the movie scary and find it rather boring. "

"if you didn't experience abuse it isn't scary for you"

these takes are driving me bonkers I had a perfectly normal childhood with no abuse or trauma and that movie scared the pants off me. I have a thing about audio/visual distortion. also liminality. also I liked to stay up way too late as a kid. also everything scared me as a kid because I have a very anxious personality. not trauma just like... I definitely felt Unsettled in a place that still dissonantly felt Safe as a kid and it wasn't due to any trauma or neglect or abuse. I had a good childhood and Skinamarink still terrified me.

[tarotwithavi]

Moon in houses

Moon represents our mind and how we deal with emotions. It also represents our mother.

These posts won't resonate 100% because we have to look at other aspects too.

Moon in the 1st house

Moon in the first house makes a person overly emotional and someone very focused on maintaining their body. These people love doing Yoga, meditation, hiking or just keeping the body balanced. Moon in the first house often makes them suffer from mental diseases. For example they can also suffer from seasonal depression. Now the aspects can change if there are other planets conjunct here. Moon in the first house can also give someone psychic abilities. These people have great intuition. These people can also be very influenced by their mother or their mother can be a psychic themselves. I have also seen that these people tend to be very charismatic and have a very soothing aura. Their mothers have a great influence on their whole personality. It can also be that they didn't have good relations with their mother and now they want to prove themselves to their mother. These people look for emotional connection in the relationships and want people who will understand them. Now these people can even be philosophers themselves or they have a very philosophical mind. They look at the world with a different perspective and have a hard time understanding emotions if they are challenging aspects or the moon is in Scorpio or Gemini.

Moon in the 2nd house

Moon in the second house can give you a lot of hardships in life but as you get mature as you grow old they get easier for you to deal with. Now the moon in this house can make you feel very close to your family or either you feel like you were adopted or you don't belong to the family you currently live with. Moon in the second house can mean that your mother is very traditional and she has taught you about your family Heritage or family lineage. It can also be that your mother is very proud of her family background or she feels as if she should be proud. Moon in the second house can also indicate a fluctuating family. For a family That seems picture perfect but isn't. Moon in the second house can also indicate ups and downs in money situations . Money comes and goes for you. Moon in the second house can also indicate secrets or hidden things. These people also feel as if their spouse is hiding something from them or they can't understand their partner. These people are very expected and can be great song writers or play writers. These people can also have a talent for singing or can be a great singer themselves. If you have your moon in Capricorn then your relationship with mother/family can feel like a business partnership. Moon in the second house can also make someone very interested in the occult and spirituality.

Moon in the 3rd house

Moon in the second house cannot care that a person has a very unbalanced mind and most of the time they are very confused about what they are doing. Also these people can get distracted very easily and have a heart time concentrating on a certain subject or on a certain thing. I have also noticed that people who have their moon in the third house can have a mother who is very commutative and is very talkative, for example your mother can express her emotions verbally and if they are challenging aspects then it can be that your mother was verbally abusive at times. Also these people are always looking for knowledge or expanding their knowledge and they are attracted to people who are very knowledgeable and intelligent. These people can work according to a routine, always looking for new things and they get bored very easily. Moon in the third house can make someone very talkative and can make them write. These people can also be great at doing things with their hands for example painting sketching knitting etc. These people also have a hard time finishing projects like they have a habit of leaving things on finished because as I said they have a short attention span. These people can also change a lot of jobs in life.

Moon in the 4th house

Moon in the 4th house people love helping others please people can even become nurses, psychologist and therapist even their mothers can be nurses. Now this placement can also represent that your mother made you who you are today, if there are any challenging aspects you can also blame your mother for not teaching you the right things and for making you who you are today. Moon in the 4th house people have a very secure and deep connection with their mothers but remember it will not 100%. it can also be that your mother was abusive or you didn't have a good relationship with her. I have noticed that people who have more in their 4th house are not interested in higher education . The people love staying at home or they can work from home. These people love comfort so they would want a person who will fulfill all their wishes. Moon in the 4th house people love being spoiled. These people can work in real estate, home design, children's things. If you have your moon in Gemini in the 4th house then you can write children's book. Moon in the 4th house can also represent sudden ups and downs in the relationships and having a hard time connecting with people. There are genuine people and they have to be careful about who they bring into their life.

Moon in the 5th house

Moon in the 5th house people are very creative, very expressive. They can be singers, dancers , and actors. In fact , they are very good at expressing themselves at a higher level. I also not just people who have more in the fifth house have a career or job that is related to women and kids. Also in a male chart it can represent that the main source of income for that male would be his wife now we will have to look at the sign moon isn't to go Deeper in this topic. Male with moon in the 5th house are attracted to older women or mature women. Milf collector. They want a woman who can bring stability into their life and they would like to have a partner who can stand up for them. I have also noticed that these people have a hard time with government officials and authority figures. These people can also be involved in politics or they can be politicians themselves. The people are also very interested in music literature architecture depending on the sign. Now this placement can also indicate that the work you do can give you fluctuations of mind or it can be at your job is mentally draining. If challenging aspects of them you can also have a hard time maintaining your interest and would be confused of which career path to choose. Partner can be someone who's very famous and has a large social circle.

Moon in the 6th people

Moon in the 6th house people have it dirty. Displacement can give a lot of enemies. It can also make people accuse you for nothing. And also it can give a lot of health problems, family problems or your relationship with your mother is not that good. This placement can also indicate that your mindset didn't match with your mother's mind set. Or your mother couldn't understand you. These people also suffer from a lot of mental diseases that can give them hair loss or seasonal depression et cetera. These people can also feel as if the whole world is against you. But another thing is that no matter how many hardships come their way they will always stand up brave and stronger than before like Phoenix. This placement can also indicate that you can be put in humiliating circumstances. These people also love serving others and helping others. They are animal lovers too. Most people with this placement become a healer doctor therapist or that take care of pets. These people also can become very spiritual in life and they can use spirituality as an escape from reality or they see spirituality as a comfort zone. Also their hardships can be reduced by helping people in a way that when they help others they are helping themselves unknowingly.

Moon in the 7th house 

The people who have the moon in the 7th house can have a very beautiful spouse who is very physically attractive. I have also seen that these people have a very business minded mother and these placements can make someone a very good Businessman entrepreneur CEO. I have also seen that these people can meet their spouse through their mother or their mother can introduce them to their partner. These people can have a partner who is very outgoing and social. This placement can also give difficulties with foreign lands. This placement also gives very ups and downs in the relationships with family. It can also mean that your family wasn't very supportive and can also give a love and hate relationship with your family members. People who have this placement are always looking for a partner but have a hard time in relationships if there are any other challenging aspects. These people's main self of emotional stability comes from their partner and they think that the more they know about their partner the more they know about themselves. Like I said if there are any other challenging aspects then this placement can give difficulties in marriage. These people can have a good relationship with their mothers. 

Moon in the 8th house 

Moon in the 8th house people have extreme emotion and their relationship with your mother can be extreme and unbalanced. One moment your mother can be extremely affectionate to you and you love you so much and the other moment she can verbally abuse you so much that you hate her. Like I said the relationships with their mother is unbalanced and their relationships with their own emotions is also unbalanced .For example when they feel sad they feel extremely sad and when they feel happy they feel extremely happy and another thing this placement gives is that they can even forget how to feel  sometimes. This placement also makes it easier to forget what people did wrong and not to have remarks or hatred unless there are other aspects. People who have this in placement are very intuitive and are into occult in themselves. They may also feel as if they're alone in this world and they love being around like minded people. They want to surround themselves with people who can understand them and who have been through the same situations as them. I have also seen that these people love mysteries and diving deeper into hidden knowledge. The emotions can also be self destructive for them sometimes. They need to find balance within themselves

Moon in the 9th house

Moon in the night house can make someone very philosophical and very spiritual . I've also seen that these people can have a very educated mother or mother who has higher authority in the family . It can also mean that your mother took care of most of the parenting. Of course if the moon is in Leo then the whole thing can change . I have also seen that these people love to be surrounded by people who belong to different cultures or backgrounds. Now these people can make great teachers, professors, spiritual teachers and saints. Now another thing is that this placement can make someone thrive for knowledge .This is also placement of Higher Education so these people can get higher education about their culture. This placement can also give great wealth and most people I know with this placement are very wealthy and money comes to them easily of course the other aspects count too. People who have this placement also come off as someone who is very knowledgeable and intelligent to others. I have also noticed that people who have this placement tend to be atheist in their earlier years of life and after realization they become extremely spiritual. Also they lean more towards spirituality then religion.

Moon in the 10th house

People who have the moon in their 10th house are more likely to want to be treated as a child. These people can have a mother who was very authoritative and Disciplined had great leadership qualities. I have also noticed that most people who have this placement and have mothers who are into nursing. These people can have a mother who is always working and is very career oriented. This placement can give an emotional relationship with father. If there are any challenging aspects then this placement can also give you daddy issues and a love-hate relationship with your father. These people can have a more diplomatic and non violent approach to life. These people don't like violence at all. In fact they are very peace loving but the time they get mad it's over for people. The people can't stay out of the limelight because they will always be noticed by people because of their personality. The people also want a partner who is very religious and traditional. Also these people can also feel secure because they are being noticed and recognized by people. These people can have a mother who works most of the time and is harsh on them sometimes and a father with whom they have an extremely emotional relationship with.

Moon in the 11th house

Moon in the 11th house can represent someone who is very physically attractive and charismatic. Moon in the 11th house can also give fluctuations of Mind or you can have a mother who had bipolar personality. Moon in the 11th house and also make someone have keen eyes for Arts and beautiful things. This placement can also make someone elegant, high class, irresistible even. People who have you splitment are very much emotionally attached to their elder siblings and if the moon is badly placed then this placement can also give not so good relationships with siblings. Now I'm not saying that these people are egoistic but they tend to want followers more than friends. They want people who'll worship them rather than them being on the same status as them. (This placement makes me think of wonyoung from IVE for some reason) . This is a great placement for wealth and profits. And can also give someone great manifesting power. Great artists come from this placement. The type of people who are ready to steal the show. I have also noticed that these people are not much appreciated by their people but they do well in foreign lands. Also your mother can help you gain more in life or the female figure in your family can help you financially.

Moon in the 12th house

Those introverted people who want to run away from public life. These people are more inclined to a job that is away from the public eyes , they like working in the background. I have also noticed that people who have this placement can feel Malnourished by their mothers. They can feel as if they didn't get their mother's love and care but still have a good relationship with her. These people are also very secretive about their emotions and don't want people to know what is going inside their head. They want to remain a mystery. These people can also be inclined to spirituality and hidden things. They even love being isolated from society because that's what gives them pleasure. These people have great imagination and tend to run away from reality often. This placement can also give imagination of different dimensions and they can be very intuitive themselves. But they tend to run away from family and marital responsibilities. Constantly looking for bed pleasure or just any kind of pleasure in general. If there is sun here too then people can become too obsessed with these people. Someone I know has this placement and God he's an extremely passionate but at the same time secretive person

Masterlist

Again open to criticism just be nice lol

[mysticheathenn]

Messages From The Past

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is all about messages from the past. These could be messages from a situation with a past friend, or ex-partner, or just things you have went through in the past in general that you may not have healed from.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

MasterList

Patreon Link

Pile l:

What are your messages from the past? Tarot: 5 of Wands, The Hermit, 5 of Swords, 9 of Swords (reversed), Death, King of Wands | Oracle Cards: It Is Safe For You To Love & Release Your Ex

You may have been seeing angel numbers 555, 55, 99, or 999 pile l. You don't have to but for a few of you, this may have been reoccurring in your life for a bit now. Either way, this change that I feel for some of you may have happened recently for others of you this has happened a year or so ago but for most of you this energy feels fresh where you had to release someone who wasn't good for you. This feels like an ex where they have caused you to look at love from a different perspective that dimmed your light because of how they treated you. They may have been emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive or they just weren't emotionally and maybe even mentally unavailable towards you in your previous relationship which caused you guys to have a lot of arguments and conflict because you felt as if they didn't care for you the way you cared for them. This energy feels very much of a healing energy as right now you are most likely in your hermit era where you just want to be by yourself. Some of you know what you want from this period of solitude and others of you aren't too sure what to do with yourselves to the point it's causing you anxiety and making you think that maybe breaking up with your ex was the wrong thing to do or possibly hitting up any and everyone you can think of because it's not often you are alone/single. This is your period of getting to know who you are pile l. Getting back to the self. Knowing and accepting things that align with the person you want to become. Being alone in your solitude so you can develop more of your self-worth so you aren't wasting time like you did with your previous relationship. For some of you, I am hearing you were with the person for up to 4 years maybe even on and off. Know that one bad apple shouldn't spoil the bunch for you when it comes to love. Love did nothing to you, the person who lacked love and passion for you did. There are people out there looking to give you the love you give but you need to have some discernment about whether someone in your life wants to be with you or just play in your face. When you develop discernment make sure you have the strength to pull the plug and not give the benefits of the doubt because of potential or maybe things will turn around.

Pile ll:

What are your messages from the past? Tarot: 2 of Cups, The Moon, The Devil (reversed), King of Swords, The Empress. | Oracle Deck: Passion, Give Your Relationship A Chance, Heart to Heart Conversations

"Should I stay? Should I go? I don't know Your hot boy style drives me wild But in the back of mind, I know Even though I wanna see How you put that thing on me I can't let you get the best of me" - Best of Me Part 2 by Mya

Similar to pile l but the energy feels a bit different. Instead of the energy feeling toxic, this feels more between a right person wrong time and I chose and love me more scenario. You may have been drawn to Pile l but again the energy feels different. It feels lighter and has more clarity because you know your worth pile ll. This person you wanted to possibly build a life with but there was something always in the back of your mind or just in general that felt off that you couldn't put your finger on it. Or you kept ignoring a problem because you wanted things to work out. Either way, something possibly came to light or you decided to listen to your feelings and put yourself first. This may have been a relationship where while you didn't fight often you felt as if you had to keep expressing how you felt about situations and you kept giving the relationship a chance but it kept going in circles where they would change for maybe a week or month and then go back to their old habits leaving you frustrated and feeling as if they don't care. Some of you know this person cares and has some feelings for you but you wished that things could have been different. This feels more like your previous partner had a lot of growing up to do. You were possibly dealing with a man-child for a few of you. The partner's energy reminds me of Nick Miller from New Girl (TV Show). Nick wasn't a bad person and he literally would have done anything for Jess but it literally had to take her nagging, begging, and sometimes even just giving up on the relationship or caring for him to get shit done. He hated seeing her upset but he also didn't want to feel as if she was pushing him to be someone else. This may have been the scenario for you as well pile ll and you both couldn't come to an agreeance. For some of you, this relationship could go another round and become something that leads to marriage but this person needs to show they have grown up and for others of you...it's best to keep moving forward.

Pile lll:

What are your messages from the past? Tarot: The Chariot, 10 of Wands, 9 of Cups Strength, The Tower, 5 of Swords. | Queen of Pentacles Energy

"What about us? What about everything we've been through? What about trust? You know I never wanted to hurt you And what about me? What am I supposed to do? I gotta leave but I'll miss you" - Gotta Go My Own Way, HSM2 Vanessa/Zac

This pile feels like a mix of romantic and this being about life in general. A lot of you have gone through a period of trials and tribulations and always feel like you are getting the short end of the stick. There was an event that forced you to really look at your life and really see the bigger picture along with some small details and forced you to make the change in your life for the better. You decided you wanted to be happy even if it cost you losing friends, family, or even a relationship. You felt that in your previous situation, there was no room or growth for you and it was eating you alive to the point you may have developed panic or anxiety attacks because you felt as if you were drowning in a sea of living a life that wasn't you anymore. Either way, you developed this strength to walk away from what was causing you a burden but it didn't come with some conflict from those that you have left behind. This could even be a job that always thought about you last even though the place would fall apart without you and I am hearing for some of you it did fall apart. This season you are in, you are choosing yourself more. You are loving yourself more. You are walking the path that was always meant for you but you couldn't see through the rose-colored glasses you had on. I just want to let you know that the tower moment is still lingering in your energetic field. I feel some of you have been feeling this for some time now that there is a change on the horizon and you are right. You are meant to come on top with the Queen of Pentacles energy. The Queen of Pentacles gives me the same energy as the Queen of Wands and the Empress. She is all about not just her coins but stability, how can she level up and be the best version of herself, she is all about creating and nurturing the ground they walk on so they can reap the benefits of what they have sowed. This is the energy you are walking into pile lll. I must say there is a small few of you who keep trying to look back on the past and reminiscing...please stop. There is nothing there for you anymore. While it's okay once in a while I feel some of you are starting to feel the wave of nostalgia too heavy to where you think about going back. Even though you know you shouldn't.

Pile lV:

What are your messages from the past? Tarot:

"It's all a-bout me You, know I'm a star 'Cause I work hard To get to this point in my life I'm going up, so don't hate Just congratulate The whole world revolves around me Pen-ney, I'm a princess, a diva, and it's all about me" - It's All About Me, The Proud Family (Early 2000's) (Link)

Pile lV you probably felt a little drawn to pile lll. This pile feels like the moment where you feel the energy shift between you and those you have sworn would be your ride or die and day ones. This is the moment where you realize that you can't take everyone where you are going and you are seeing that. This isn't a bad thing even though you probably had a hard time letting go because of so much history and the possibility of feeling guilty as these people probably did nothing to "deserve" you slowly drifting away or even flat-out ghosting them for some of you. But you knew that walking away needed to be done in order for you to have the life you deserve. The people who used to be around you I feel probably didn't have the same beliefs, their mindsets were limited, and they had nothing positive to say and always complained about life but never had any solutions to their problems. This pile feels as if you had a spiritual awakening and decided one day that it was time to go after the things you want and to align with people who want more for themselves or even align more with those who are more spiritually intuned, hold themselves accountable, etc instead of always wanting to play the victim or keep themselves in situations that they know isn't good for them but keep doing it. You may have been called selfish, cold-hearted, and a few other names when you let others know that you are no longer a) speaking to certain people or b) you want more for yourself and won't be entertaining anything less than the frequency that you are on. I heard you are looking for your soul tribe. It reminds me of the luxury pictures I see on Pinterest and even here where people are looking for their soul tribe that they can shop, travel, and do yoga/spa days with no problems. When I say no problems I mean the kind of friends that don't stay in the group chat wishing and talking about traveling together but actually doing those things because they have their priorities together and go after what they want. Some of you may even feel sad from time to time because you do feel somewhat guilty over how you may or may not have handled a situation. Just remember you don't owe anyone anything you are free to leave anything that no longer serves you at any time. Sometimes that involves ghosting especially if you know that person lacks emotional maturity and other times you can have a heart-to-heart convo. You did what you had to do for the growth of you.

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay safe and be blessed

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: What's an Insecurity You Need to Confront?

Disclaimer: tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice! Take what resonates; don't force a reading to fit. Readings are based on current energy; your future's in your hands. For this reading I used a recolored Smith-Waite, the Osho Zen tarot, and the Oracle of the Radiant Sun.

pile 1⋆pile 2 pile 3⋆pile 4

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) 

Pile 1:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile one! You seem to have interests that aren’t very socially accepted. You could like things considered “nerdy, childish, cringe, or weird.” Some of you feel like you’re a frivolous or immature person. You may also feel this way about your friend group or job. There’s some sense of awkwardness, embarrassment, or shame about the things that fulfill you. This may be a career that others don’t take seriously—like the arts—or something really niche like being a clown. However, I see most of you still try to pursue what feels right despite others’ pressure.

Why do you feel this way?: I feel you’re wrapped up in how others perceive you. You may fear being shunned, ostracized, and alone. Some of you have already experienced that level of loneliness before, so you don’t want to be pushed out again. You could be or have been the friend who feels least important, like the one who gets pushed off a sidewalk while everyone else walks side by side. Many of you have social anxiety; you could feel like everyone is staring at you or get easily embarrassed.

Current method of dealing with this: you like to take your mind off your insecurities and emotions as fast as possible. When you feel judged, you change the topic really fast, like by making a joke. You might blurt out something you didn’t really mean to redirect attention, like making a joke at someone else’s expense. Your constant flight or fight pushes you towards impulsiveness, and flip-flopping between embarrassment and defensiveness. This could take a physical toll, like feeling very tired after socializing. A few people in this group could’ve been bullies to deflect from their own issues (though others of you were on the receiving end).

Advice for healing: reflecting on how projections create shame is beneficial. When we judge ourselves, we feel everyone else is judging us too. When others judge us unfairly, they’re projecting something from inside themselves outwards. We can stay trapped in a cycle of shame where everyone is unhappy, or accept that we deserve happiness in our harmless interests. By taking a different perspective of your fears instead of accepting them as the full story, you can leave thought patterns you no longer align with. For those who often say things they regret, there’s emphasis on thinking before you speak, and working through thoughts before projecting them outwards. A few of you are entering a new community that will be a great opportunity to work on this. If you were drawn to pile 2 I encourage you to check it out!

Extra details: a bench (especially green), staring, golf carts, driving, dancing, physically active, excitable/hyperactive, bubbly, theater kid, geeky, black hair, cringe culture, shy, fandoms, the comedian/funny friend, always smiling, secret/hidden life, bullying, travel/moving, leaving friends, feeling dumb, fake persona, panic, school friends, college, dorms, fairies (fairly odd parents?), Are We Friends or Not by Zeph

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) 

Pile 2 [TW abuse/childhood abuse]:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile two! You guys may feel insecure or struggle in what you want to do with your life. You may feel stuck in “analysis paralysis;” constantly ruminating over all the possibilities but never reaching a conclusion. If you compare yourselves to others, it might seem like you’re going very slow in life, a late bloomer, have no solid plan, or like you’re regressing. Some of you struggle with a heavy past, like major childhood trauma that contributes to your present feelings. 

Why do you feel this way?: you have a lot of thoughts in your head that pull you every which way. You might have an inkling of what you want to do, but you get caught in the planning versus the doing. Some of you are stuck between choosing something lucrative or something more purposeful. There are also opinions from others that are confusing you. A few of you have imposter syndrome about a new opportunity, and another few are having problems at a job which is pushing them away.

Current method of dealing with this: this pile seems to deal with it by not dealing with it lol. You want to make the perfect choice so much that you either don’t make any decision or you turn away from what you like. The latter is specific to some of you that have already chosen a more material-focused path but still feel indecisive. However, I don’t feel like you guys are living in an illusion; you’re aware of your situation and the different aspects. You may enjoy the position you’re in despite the insecurity. For example, if you don’t have a job right now, you could enjoy the free schedule. You may like still being taken care of by your family and not having to work. Or, you could enjoy the potential of having many possibilities and not fully committing.

Advice for healing: you need to take a serious look at what you want out of life, what’s important to YOU and not society or others. This includes being more selective with the perceptions and advice you consider; you might also need to be more selective with who’s in your circle. Are there people in your energy who are only there for themselves? Are you maybe a bit too free with sharing your plans and ideas with just everyone? Find out who and what makes you feel fulfilled and empowered. If you also felt drawn to pile 1 I encourage you to look it over!

Extra details: looking for a job or between jobs, optimism, eagerness, vests, libraries, plants, round glasses/brown glasses, light brown hair (especially a bob), quiet or shy kid (some of you outgrew it), teacher’s assistant, childhood trauma or abuse, masculine or androgynous look, horror (the genre), drawing, pop music (some of you love ariana grande 🤨), drag, job opportunities, meditation, overthinking, inner demons, nickelodeon, moving, being busy, lack mindset

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Pile 3 [TW mental illness, substance abuse]:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile threes! Is everything all right?? You guys have an indecisive energy like pile 2, but it feels philosophical instead of material. The insecurity is life itself. You could be having an existential crisis or existential anxiety. You don’t know your purpose or why you’re here, and this creates a stagnant but chaotic feeling inside. Some of you don’t want to be here. Another part of this “insecurity” is that you don’t share this struggle with most. Because others can’t comprehend what you’re going through, it’s isolating. This pile could be very disappointed with how society and survival works, and don’t want to put their energy into the broken system.

Why do you feel this way?: This group has pressure from themselves and others to be successful and “well-adjusted.” To achieve, move forward, and at least appear “normal.” There’s a great internal struggle happening and the pressure to keep up appearances adds to the stress. Mental health issues feel very significant for this pile. You may still conform to so-called normal life while feeling ready to snap.

Current method of dealing with this: most of this pile puts a lot of energy into keeping up the image. There’s a split self where the external you and internal you are living two different lives. You may like to hang out with friends a lot and focus on their lives instead of your own. Your friend group or the activities you do together seem to be filled with gossip, drama, or other excitement that distracts you from what’s going on. I also see a big struggle with overindulgence or addiction. There’s a sense of feeling out of it during the day and then coming alive at night; you might like to stay up or go out really late. Some of you also use partners to fill the void.

Advice for healing: there’s an extremely strong emphasis on removing yourself from people who no longer align with you. There could be a few people or places that always “enable” you to make choices you regret, or always bring drama and toxicity into your life. Specific people in this pile are in a romantic relationship that makes them feel very unhappy. The advice is to reflect on what takes peace from your life and what you can do to protect yourself from toxicity. If you use relationships to never face yourself, you can re-evaluate the energy you put into them. Some time has to be spent with the self to see what the self wants and needs (if you’re drawn to meditation it can be helpful). I highly encourage everyone who wants or needs them to see what mental health services are accessible to you, and to explore potential healthy coping mechanisms.

Extra details: impatient, may like to sing, vocal stim, or rap, goofy, “IT’S FAKE!”(?), a facade/mask, hiding feelings, uses humor to cope or avoid a topic, trap house, memes, spiritual, viewing life as sacred, anti-capitalism, immigrant family, questioning orientation, substance abuse, painting, bathrooms, the middle of nowhere, courage the cowardly dog, pop music, karaoke, bars and clubs, I think we ALL sing, housing insecurity, the characters Mabel or Sarah Lynn could be significant

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) 

Pile 4:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile four! This is an insecurity about being vulnerable as your true self due to the oppressive environment around you. It feels like you carry many responsibilities. You’re expected to act strong, carry out duties, maintain tradition, and in most ways you’ve done this. On the inside you reject this way of life, but also feel fear in fully living out that rejection. This pile may deem themselves as weak, immature, or sinful. I also feel many of you want to be taken care of or protected instead of always having to be the carer and protector, and this could contribute to feeling weak.

Why do you feel this way?: living as your true self may mean becoming the black sheep wherever you are. You may be afraid that the fallout will push you into an unfavorable situation, such as having to leave where you currently are. You might’ve already seen it happen to others. I feel many of you have had to live in a mature role or take care of responsibilities since childhood, and this adds an extra layer as to why it’s so hard to break free.

Current method of dealing with this: I feel like you guys are doing the best with what you have! A good amount of this pile has left or is leaving their hurtful environment, and you’re moving into new communities that align with you. For others, this may just be an internal change. Either way, I feel you’re refusing to be bullied into agreeing with things you don’t believe in. One way or another, you’re going to find a way to rebel how you can and live the way you want. It’s just been hard to reflect on ingrained beliefs and sometimes you catch yourself falling back on ideas you don’t mesh with anymore. But great efforts have been made towards the path you want to be on.

Advice for healing: be open to a completely new journey you would’ve never imagined before! There’s already a lot of energy directed towards the life you envision for yourself. You’re encouraged to be open-minded and allow yourself continuous evolution. There’s an emphasis on giving your inner child a lot of grace and space to heal, even if your first impulse is to judge them. Just as others shouldn’t keep you in their box, don’t keep yourself in your own box either! You may have had to develop certain traits to help you leave old, toxic situations, such as having a hard exterior or going ham during your rebellious phase. Keep what still feels good and let go of the rest; embody what you need and want to be in the present and not the past. But, there’s no need to shame other versions of yourself that had different personalities and beliefs; compassion for past selves leads to compassion for the present and future selves :]!

Extra details [TW abuse mention]: teeter-tottering/off-balance, scooby & shaggy, religious trauma, conservative community, church, childhood trauma, abusive relationships, regretting parenthood, religious deconstruction/leaving, becoming more spiritual, new religious beliefs, Buddhism, moving, financial struggle, single parent, hesitating, sea/sea animals, parties or gatherings, moving/travel across the ocean, writing/journaling, nature, herbalism, plant-induced spiritual experiences, acupuncture, purple

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) 

[demonladys]

Journey to Myself - Help Get This Manga about Gender Identity Licensed

Over the past decade, publishers like YenPress and SevenSeas have allowed us to see a greater diversity in manga titles that get licensed. Both in particular have sizeable LGBTQ+ libraries which have led to some incredible works being available in English, such as Adachi and Shimamura and Our Dreams at Dusk.

Unfortunately, many LGBTQ+ stories still remain unavailable in English. One such manga is “Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made.”

Summary:

Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made (roughly “Until He Becomes Her,” “The Girl He Would Become,” or “Until I Become Me”) is a “gender-bender” manga written and illustrated by Satou Hatsuki. It is a coming-of-age story focused on Fujimiya Akira, a young second-grade boy who bullies the girls at school before waking up one day as a girl due to a rare affliction. The boys in class immediately turn against and abuse Akira, while the girls he once harassed shun him completely. With no friends left at school, Akira is forced to move away and live as a girl. Initially resistant to her new life, a budding friendship leads Akira on an emotional journey towards growing up, forming bonds, and learning to be kind while understanding who she wants to be.

For those unaware, “gender-bender” is a genre of fiction wherein a character, through some means – bodyswapping, magic, etc. – becomes another gender. Many of these works do not depict the trans experience per se, but are based in the perspective of tying gender to sex and play around with it in more crude or simplistic terms. They can play into foibles like gender essentialism, but also offer a space to break down societal ideas of identity. As such, some trans people may sometimes see their experiences reflected in these works, while at other times finding them distasteful or overly simplistic in their portrayal of gender and identity.

OreWata is, despite its inciting incident, very grounded in its exploration of gender identity. Early on in the story Akira is told that if she wishes to return to being a boy, she could start puberty blockers and later on use hormones to transition. The acknowledgement of not only gender dysphoria but medical interventions to alleviate that dysphoria are rare in stories in general, and a refreshing inclusion in a series such as this. As Akira adapts to her new life and grows into adolescence, she learns joy in being called cute, wearing skirts and dresses, and being able to express her emotions more vividly with her friends. Meanwhile, she also struggles to tell her mother about these feelings, afraid of her family's expectations and uncertain how they'd react to her desire to remain a girl. These aspects end up feeling deeply resonant with a trans experience, and we wish for more people to be able to read it.

How to help:

YenPress can be contacted via either Twitter/X (@YenPress) or via Email (yenpress@yenpress.com).

1. Contact via Twitter

If using Twitter, be sure your message is being sent via a public account. Include a picture of the volume 1 cover as attached above. Additional anecdotes help, but are optional. (Special thanks to BehindTheManga for base templates!)

Templates

Hello! I'd really love to see オレが私になるまで (Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made) by Satou Hatsuki licensed in English! @yenpress

Hello. A friend of mine recently recommended a manga to me, but it’s not available in English. The manga is オレが私になるまで (Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made) by Satou Hatsuki. Is there any chance we could see it licensed? @yenpress

Hello! There’s an LGBTQ+ manga that I’d really like to read, but it’s not licensed in English at all. It’s called オレが私になるまで (Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made) by Satou Hatsuki. I would really like to see it in your catalog, if possible! @yenpress 

2. Contact via Email

If possible, it could help to add additional writing or anecdotes are encouraged. This is optional, though.

Basic Template

Subject: Manga Request

Recipient: yenpress@yenpress.com

Message: Hello, Yen Press. I have a manga title I wanted to submit for your company to request.

Title: オレが私になるまで (Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made)

Author: Satou Hatsuki

Japanese Publisher: Kadokawa Shoten

Templates for Extra Messages

As an LGBTQ+ reader, I really appreciate your wide selection of stories highlighting experiences of those like myself. It is important to me that stories like this are accessible to as wide an audience as possible, and given the quality in your releases of other LGBTQ+ works like “Adachi and Shimamura” and “I Want to Be a Wall,” I believe your company would be a great fit for bringing this manga to overseas audiences.

I have a lot of transgender friends, so I’m really interested in seeing more manga on the subject of gender identity. A friend recommended this story to me, but it’s only available in Japanese, so I’m not able to read it. I’ve enjoyed your other releases that play with gender in the past, such as “Magical Girl Incident” and “Miss Savage Fang,” so I believe your company would handle this manga with the care required for it to reach a wider audience.

This story has resonated strongly with me, but when I talked about it with some friends that seemed interested in reading it, we sadly found out that it had not yet been licensed in the US. I have read your releases of LGBTQ+ series’ including "Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl" and enjoyed it, therefore I think you would handle this manga well too.

(Please change or add other works if there are other titles you feel strongly about, and expand messages if you have more to say. These are just examples, and we want to avoid spamming identical messages.)

3. SevenSeas Survey

Manga can be requested to SevenSeas via their monthly surveys available in the right sidebar on their website. https://sevenseasentertainment.com/ 

Under “What non-licensed *MANGA FROM JAPAN* would you like us to license and publish in English? Type it here,” fill in with “オレが私になるまで (Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made) by Satou Hatsuki”. Complete the survey, filling out the rest however you see fit.

How else you can help:

If you could share this post to your friends, especially other LGBTQ+ folks who might be interested in the manga and ask them to participate and share as well, it would be greatly appreciated! The important thing is that the publishers need to know there’s an audience who really wishes to see this published in English, both so that we can support the creator and so that this story may reach a wider audience and get the love it deserves.

Thank you so much for even a small amount of help. We hope that with your support, we can see an overseas release for this story.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

I knew it was destiny for me to do a coraline themed pac. Enjoy! 💗

Paid Readings | Patreon | Tip Jar

Pile One

From your inner teen's perspective, your costume is an eclipse that covers your range and your capacity to move on to the next phase of developing your sense of self and what you'd like to accomplish. Your costume could be like a zombie or in general, someone who isn't in control of their body or thoughts. If you have any anger that you feel at times that you may consider random, this could be your inner teen's frustration over how you have tendencies of not having a grip on your self awareness and identity. You could depend too much on how you're being perceived by others or their approval or maybe there's this substance or tool that you use to help morph yourself into someone different to appease on what people in your environment may think is appropriate. I keep thinking about acid and other hallucinogens, if I'm correct, no trip is supposed to be the same as the previous or next trip. So when I think about this energy that I'm picking up in this pile, you constantly manipulate yourself in order to stay the same in hopes of receiving the same reaction from others. It's like reinforcement, where you get some sort of gratification, but is bringing to yourself in some way. Examples that I'm channeling includes but not limited to overacheiving to the point where nothing satisfies you, being in a back and forth connection by doing things that gets the other person to chase after you, and  (TW ⚠️: eating disorders). This irritates your inner teen, because one of your biggest goals when you were in the age of adolescence, was to grow beyond the reach of people that made you feel low about yourself and to escape the grasp of abusive environments that constrain you and made you dream of a life where things could be better and different. Who you are when no one is watching and behind those tears of discontent and malaise, is someone who's constantly reinventing themselves, and embraces these transitions of change. You hold yourself back in worry of how other people will think, when really you're meant to cause a shock factor. You are not normal spongebob where your emotions, thoughts, and looks are fixed to the same degree every day. You're spontaneous in a way where if you were to step outside in the world as you are, validation is no longer your drug, YOU are the drug that changes the trajectory in so many people's minds in how they view their daily routines, the careers they should go after, that new hobby that they feel drawn to, that clothing piece or new hairstyle that they feel will look good on them, new philosophies and epiphanies to the small and big things to make themselves safe in their own skin.

Pile Two

Your inner teen feels like you're still holding onto the inferiority that was felt during the time where you needed community and support the most. You could hold on too much to this title of being your own person to the point where you feel separated from society. You could see yourself as someone with an "alien" like personality where you feel that you can't really connect with others or it's hard for people to feel connected with you. You could believe in starseeds and think that you are one, and while that can be true and if you resonate with that part, there's a message here to recognize that whatever past life that you may have had, doesn't change the fact that this life that you have right now, is for you to live a human and earthly experience because you are when no one is watching behind that facade of thinking that you're someone who doesn't belong here, you indeed have attributes that you share with others, you just haven't found your people yet, but you will. However, there's a main message about knowing that everyone you meet is someone you can learn from. If you're a spiritualist and/or occultist, there's a part of your first awakening in which you joined because it either came from a place of being where it feels like you're misunderstood or you were going through strange things that only other certain people could relate. But like the character Coraline in her self-titiled movie, there's a need to appreciate the home you have more, the friends and family that you do have in your circle and to tap into that part of yourself that desires to be seen and heard by just going for it and asking for what you need, which is someone who can listen to you and understand that you do have feelings under that distant and neutral persona that you showcase. Unwind, and become more vulnerable with others with not just the things that make you human which is your feelings, but also the things that make you feel like you're otherworldly. You don't have to be a stray in this world, you can be apart of it by finding your place the more that you open your heart.  Your quirky and whimsical self is not meant to be hidden and gatekeeping yourself from the world out of spite of the past, is the biggest rejection that you can face in this world. And don't withhold the knowledge that you're sitting on or neglect the student within you, that's one of the major ways you'll be able to find wholesome interactions with others.

Pile Three

"The healer heals everyone, but who heals the healer?" The inner teen inside you could feel that you've done an amazing job with nurturing yourself and nurturing others. You exude the energy of someone with immense strength, protection, crystallized intelligence, and reliance, which could make people feel drawn for something within them that needs to be nourished, and your actions heavily reflect your presence by how you're always there in service for others and how you take care of people in your personal life and the people that you may not know as well your loved ones. Your inner teen feels that although you've generated an abundance of good karma for how you genuinely kind you are, how you're constantly available for others is tipping the scale when you could be at a point in your life where you are in need of a person that's like you. I'm sensing there's something that needs to change in order to tend to yourself more, a desire for more reciprocation, but also an urge to step away from always being the one who heals others. You want to be known and valued for other things besides what you can do for people and even if you've developed this helpful nature from having responsibilities over other people like your family members at a young age, or if it's just innate, you're exhausted from this life and could use at least a break. Who you are when no one is watching, is someone who needs to be freed from what is expected of them and to find their own peace outside of dealing with everyone's chaos. Home is being brought up so much in my mind, so you're meant to explore different avenues that could be outside of family traditions, social norms, and to leave where you grew up around, you're meant to go on adventures around the world and revel in your independence. If you want a life without becoming a parent, it's not selfish to be that way, and it's perfectly find to spread your wings away from the pressure to make certain commitments that isn't yours to have. Perhaps you're interested in a lifestyle and/or career that doesn't involve being in service for others, maybe you're realizing what your true love language is and realizing what your real expectations in a partner are. Who you are when no one is watching is someone exotically beautiful in many ways than one. You know that your heart is a plus, but soon everyone will know this too.

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

Hey there friends! This reading is meant to be shadow work. The demon represents your shadow self or the parts of you that are rejected by you or others. The angel represents your higher self and the advice they have to integrates that shadow more. Please take what resonates and leave all that doesn't behind. Please be open to new perspectives, especially for this reading. Thank you so much for filling my ask-box btw i will do my best to make sure everyone gets their questions answered.

PILE 1

Crystal: Obsidian Chunk

Astrology: Aries ♈️, Capricorn ♑️, Sagittarius ♐️, Cancer ♋️

😈Demon/Shadow-Self: Bael (Emperor)

The demon on your shoulder makes you extremely powerful and capable of controlling of both yourself and others. It also make you a very hard worker and talented at multitasking. Hard work is important sometimes but it seems you overwork yourself a lot. That usually ends in loneliness and resentment. Even though it makes you a very reliable person to be around I see people abuse your skill to work hard. In the past people have use it as a time to slack off. Which has caused your shadow self to build tall walls around you. That is a lonely experience, my friend. This shadow reminds me of Tiana from Princess and the Frog. She works so hard and has no play.

✍️You: Ace of Wands

Your demon and angel work very well together. Your shadow self might need some attention from you and some trust put into it. You shadow is very useful and powerful. I think you might belittle it’s feelings though. Remember you aren’t alone and making yourself alone isn’t going to feel good. You can rely on others. The people you can’t rely on do not deserve your power. You are bright as a sun and have the ability to conjure everything from nothing. That is truly special and needs to be respected.

😇Angel/Higher-Self: Nanael (10 of Wands)

Your angel sees your shadow very clearly and has just the remedy for it. Your higher self instructs you to become an instructor. Instead of using your extraordinary energy levels to do more work. Use it to teach others how to do what you do instead of doing it for them. If they are unwilling to learn then they are not worthy of your time or your extra energy. Use that extra power on what you want. Your desires are in your grasp. You just have to allow yourself to make time for yourself and let go of taking card of people who do not appreciate you.

❤️‍🔥🖤🩶📌🧮✂️🐧🦏🧨🪓🥊🍷☄️🥀🍄🪨🕸️🕷️🦊⛑️🧣🥽💄

PILE 2

Crystal: Moss Agate Tower

Astrology: Libra ♎️, Scorpio ♏️, Gemini ♊️, Aquarius ♒️

😈Demon/Shadow-Self: Beleth (Knight of Cups)

Your demon is such a seductive energy. I see you might be bisexual or pansexual. They have the capacity to be romantic but definitely know how to jump ship. Mayb at one point you were a hopeless romantic. Your shadow has learned well how to tell when not to put on your rose colored glasses. Unfortunately, your shadow is struggling with commitment because of this behavior. They are scared to let your heart be free to love. Free to be loved. Your demon makes you run at the sight of true endearments because in your previous experiences it wasn’t true endearment even when it looked like it. Don’t you see your demon mirrors those who hurt you! Being played doesn’t mean you should become a player.

🤲You: 8 of Swords

My dear friend, you are safe. You are safe to be loved. You are afraid but there is nothing to fear. You fear is based on the past but you live in the now. You have access to all the true love you could imagine! Please don’t run away from people who care about you. You deserve kindness. You deserve endearment. You deserve what you heart craves so badly! Please allow yourself to be vulnerable. It is safe.

😇Angel/Higher-Self: Umabel (Ace of Swords)

Your higher self advises you to start being vulnerable with your friends first. Test out the waters of vulnerability with those you trust but do not lend your body too. Don’t just tell them about your hurt, cry with them about it. Show emotions with your friends. You have so many people around you who adore you and want to help you. Allow them to be your shoulder to cry on.

💙💜🩷🧿🔮🎀🫐🍆🍧🌊🪻🌷🦋🦄🦩🪼👾👄🧢🌂👛🚹🚺💖⚧️

PILE 3

Crystal: Aura Howlite Tower

Astrology: Taurus ♉️, Leo ♌️, Virgo ♍️, Pisces ♓️

😈Demon/Shadow-Self: Gremory (Empress)

Your demon my friend is a femme-fatale through and through. Your shadow uses feminine charm to get everything it wants. I think your problem is actually deciding what it is you desire. Your demon has every capability to receive anything. You just don’t know what that is because ‘anything’ is a lot of options. So many options can be very overwhelming. There is so much to choose! It could all be yours.

👋You: Page of Wands

Your demon and angel makes you feel untouchable but kind of overwhelmed. Having so much power at your fingertips is intimidating to you. You might have a little bit of imposter syndrome and think you aren’t as capable as you truly are. I also see you might feel extremely complex because your feminine charm isn’t a huge part of who you truly are. I see you could be nonbinary. Remember your femininity is only a part of you and not the whole picture. You can be so much more than a pretty face with honey soaked words.

😇Angel/Higher-Self: Habuhiah (9 of Cups)

Your angel wants you to know you are doing so well. They tell me you have been criticized or harmed for literally only being exactly what you were asked to be. Your higher-self has no advice for you besides you are perfect as you are. All you need to do is keep being yourself. Keep existing authentically and don’t give too much to people who wish to harm you.

♠️🖤🗝️🎥💻♟️🎮🕶️🤍☠️👻🎹🎧💬🎲🏳️💛🍯🍋🌻✨💫⭐️💜🪻🔮🟣😈👾🌂🍆💟

Thank you so much again for supporting me!

-ghost 🤍🩵🖤

[bananasfosterparent]

AA fans aren't even that horny compared to the fandom as a whole or other parts of it…and what's funnier is that Spawn fans themselves produce A LOT more horny content so it's very funny to call Ascended enjoyers obsessed with abusive relationships or sex pests. Projection maybe?? Also it's not like these people mind fan service, they just dislike it when it doesn't cater to them specifically lmao

I mean, we're all thirsting after the vampire man one way or another.

And you point out the hypocrisy well. The issue is not that people are doing it, but rather that some who make that sort of art or post those sort of things, are simultaneously coming sideways at AA fans claiming that we're the ones "sexualizing" him solely for ascending him.

Sure, many AA fans also hornypost and thirstpost for Astarion... the exact same way Spawn fans do. The same way any Astarion fan does. Because that's partly what he's there for.

He's a figment of fiction for your fantasy needs. He isn't going to come to life and have feelings outside of the video game and feel depressed for being used for human enjoyment lol He's not a real person and no amount of hypocritical finger pointing can change that.

It is frustrating though. I mean, I still haven't seen any discourse about them changing the spawn ending. Isn't that tampering with their original vision too? Haven't spawn fans been repeatedly asking Larian to allow the companions to speak kinder to Astarion as he burns in the sun? And there's more of them than there are AA fans, so the amount of AA fans "bombarding" Larian with messages to make the AA kisses more roleplay friendly, is a vastly smaller number than the amount of spawn fans asking to have that final scene changed.

They got something they wanted for their favorite route too, and yet no AA fans are criticizing them for having that changed... because we don't care.

Most AA fans only play the spawn ending for angst and perspective.

Likewise, most Spawn fans only play the Ascended ending for.... angst and perspective!

Why care so heavily about a route you don't even play for joy? Especially when it's made to be more enjoyable for those who already enjoy it? Not everything is for YOU. Not because it can't be, but because you don't want it to be. And that's fine. Different things resonate with different people, but I don't understand how respect is lost in that translation.

[arirovi]

A reflection...

I knew BnHA in 2016. The first season was finished and the second season was expected. I was in the University and still working for my degree. Mi personal life and the world in general was so much different...

There was no sign of a pandemic coming, Tumblr was still not undergoing a content purge, and the anime community was much less widespread than today. Then i walked trough the fandom path, to put it more simply, as an observer rather than an active participant.

And just by watching, one learns many things.

In particular, I want to refer to the expectations with which we all approach a series, a story. And also how these change over the years, how they are built on the emotions that certain parts of the plot provoke in us.

First off all, I want to cover expectations for the bnha plot in general.

I've seen various parts of the fandom enjoy BnHA from different points, because it's those parts that resonate with them the most. Some from Izuku's mentor-protege relationship with All Might, others from the focus of pure and simple Heroism, some from the tragedy that is the villains' past and others from the trauma and abuse represented by the Todoroki.

We have all done it from a valid point of view and, naturally, we all build expectations.

Some lucky ones are lucky enough that what they expected to happen happens in the end (and I am happy for you from my own experience), but when those expectations are not met by the original material, it hurts a lot. More than one of us may have seen it happen again and again, experienced it firsthand.

Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter which part of the story we are most engaged in, we all reach, in some way, a point where our expectations are either not met (if we are unlucky) or forgotten or not allowed (if we consider it a representative injustice). But in the end what counts is that as fans we all experience this phenomenon at the same time (to a lesser or greater extent) and in its own way it is a type of social bond that is not forgotten.

(And I'm not saying that it's something merely negative or positive, it can be both at the same time AND it's just a fact, something that is happening to all of us who follow BnHA no matter how long we have been in the fandom)

So, now that the end is approaching and I am faced with different opinions about it, it is like living in a loop of collective emotional repetitions and it is such an incredible phenomenon that in itself, it makes me want to share my thoughts when I didn't before.

Which brings me to the other point I wanted to talk about: shipping expectations and Bakudeku

At that time (2015 onwards) the concept of "queerbaiting" was quite popular, while at the same time, so was the idea that your queer ship could become canon. In fact, it was strong enough to cross the borders of fandom.

But even with this in the mainstream, we BakuDeku seemed to remain on our side of the fandom, always in defense mode. The most vocal on social media represented a group of followers who didn't care how toxic the mere idea of ​​this Ship was to others. The only thing that we cared about was that we liked their interactions, the intensity and the paradoxes between Kacchan and Deku.

In 2016 it was not popular to be a BakuDeku, much less accepted by the general public. And even among fans of the characters, being a specific DekuBaku was a rarity.

And so time went by.

As you can see and in hindsight, expectations for the Ship were very low from my perspective. What we expected from the story was so little that the minimal interactions between Izuku and Kacchan seemed to be assimilated quite carefully and mainly in spaces dedicated only to the ship.

Furthermore, the sparking discussion about whether "bakudekus were apologists for abusers" attracted so many antis and haters that the whole thing became horrible. At one point, blocking them was no longer enough to be safe from hate. And being part of the fandom required so much energy that even I, who was just a shadow who liked or reblogged content in the fandom, needed to control my exposure time to social media.

And what happened next, to reach the expectations that the fandom has now?

The pandemic of 2020 and Bakugo Katsuki: Rising.

That chapter, added to the new influx of fans brought by the pandemic and its quarantines, diverted the path that we believed was set for Kacchan and Izuku as a group. Suddenly, many things that we thought only belonged to the realm of fanfic became accessible through canon.

To begin with, no one imagined that kind of sacrifice on Kacchan's part in the manga. Nobody believed the hospital scene was possible, nor that it was possible for him to ask Izuku for forgiveness or to cry for the loss of his quirk (and what that meant for both of their lives).

How could expectations not rise in the collective because of this, both old and new fans? How to avoid it for those of us who live through its darkest times as fans? How to control the hope of those who feel vindicated by the narrative?

In the end, the nature of expectations is fluctuating over time, unpredictable if we do not pay attention to them, and I am not here to tell anyone, not even myself, that having high expectations about something is bad. Or that having hope about something that helps you be happy is dangerous in the long term. Even if my past in other fandoms resulted in a painful and impossible to forget ending, I can't do that.

No one has the right to comment on the emotions of others and how they live them, how they express them. However, after eight years here, I have learned to use caution as a weapon of battle.

And how I do it? Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture.

It's been a long road for all of us who were here from the beginning. We had ups and downs and we will continue to have them without a doubt.

Personally, I hold my expectations with a comfortable, soft and practical harness, to bring them closer, caress them from time to time and let them be. But at other times, I hold them tight so they don't get out of control.

The final idea of ​​this, and what I have learned over time, is that you should not assert yourself at any extreme. Mental, emotional and physical health is in balance, it has been proven many times.

I have hope, but I glimpse it in moderation and if we are lucky and our expectations are fulfilled, I will celebrate with joy. But if in the end these are not fulfilled, I will remember the good as well as the disappointment, although without pressure. After all, everything returns to a better place in its own time.

[justcallmecappy]

The Andersmance as a narrative of hope

One thing I've noticed while in the Dragon Age fandom is the prevalent interpretation of the Anders romance as a tragedy, or a romance that's inherently tragic. Anders acts behind Hawke's back, destroys the Kirkwall Chantry no matter what choices the player makes, the player sees this as a huge betrayal, and — despite having romanced Anders, and/or being mage-sympathetic — they decide to execute or banish Anders as punishment for his 'crime'. Tears are shed; it's all dramatic and tragic and angsty.

While I sometimes appreciate tragedies, I would like to posit a different perspective: The romance with Anders is a story of hope; a story of standing up to insurmountable odds and overcoming them. The romance with Anders can be approached as one with a happier ending, where Hawke and Anders are the heroes.

Before I elaborate, a disclaimer: These are my own opinions. I understand some players prefer the Andersmance as a tragic romance, and to each player their own. I am not here to dictate the choices you should make in-game or how you approach your playthroughs, merely to present a different perspective to one I've seen very often.

Also, this post is critical of the rivalmance with Anders — more on that later.

The Andersmance as a narrative of hope relies on two perspectives:

Firstly, the Chantry is an authoritarian institution who are the antagonistic force that the heroes need to oppose and take down. There is plenty of meta that explores and supports this.

Secondly, Anders is a heroic character:

He is a healer who set up a clinic providing free healthcare for the marginalized and downtrodden people of Kirkwall who otherwise have gone overlooked by their own Chantry.

He let a Spirit of Justice into his body, simply to help Justice continue to exist in the physical world when he would have otherwise disappeared into the Fade.

He regularly risks his safety and security by helping mages escape abuse in the Gallows and have a chance at freedom via the Mage Underground.

These are all acts of someone who is kind and compassionate, and, yes, heroic.

He is not a villain who needs to be stopped. He is the hero of the story who needs help and support as he challenges systematic oppression. He's Katniss Everdeen standing up to the Capitol; he's Luke Skywalker opposing the Galactic Empire.

Hawke is that supportive pillar, that safe harbor, that source of unconditional love for Anders in his times of struggle. "The one bright light in Kirkwall" who stands by Anders' side as they face insurmountable odds together.

In World States where Leliana becomes Divine Victoria, this means Hawke and Anders' struggles were not in vain. Through their actions, they sparked a series of events that culminated in the abolition of the Circles.

Anders' prophetic speech about how, "Ten years, a hundred years from now, someone like me will love someone like you, and there will be no Templars to tear them apart" carries so much more weight, because loving Hawke gave him hope for a better future that Anders actually gets to witness in his lifetime.

Do you know how powerful such a love story is?

Their love literally changed the world for the better.

They loved each other, that love gave them courage, and now future generations of mages are free to find a love as strong and precious as the one Hawke and Anders share.

Of course, the condition of this is that Hawke loves and supports Anders wholeheartedly, meaning that this obviously takes the Friendship route for the romance. The rivalmance where Hawke downplays Anders' struggles, breaks Anders' spirit, undermines Anders' confidence, and tries to convince Anders that his cause is needless has no part in this narrative of hope; in fact, I would go so far to say that Hawke is the villain in that version of the story.

Personally, stories of hope have always strongly resonated with me. I gravitate towards stories where our protagonists are presented with challenging obstacles (whether they be internal, external, or both), and things may seem bleak at first, but they bravely carry on, and by the end of the story the characters have made themselves better people, and/or made the world a better place.

Anders and Hawke had many chances to turn away and ignore the plight of mages and just get their own happy ending, but they didn't — they carried on, because they were the heroes, and they knew all mages deserved to be free as they were.

[clangenrising]

Tw: Brief non-descriptive mention of abuse

God… Mystique reminds me a lot of myself… like. An uncomfortable amount.

I used to be so adamant that I wasn’t being abused by my parents when I was younger… How I defended them so fiercely because they were “good people, just not good parents”, how I wished so desperately for them to be the people I saw them as, and wanted them to be, that I just… pretended I only saw them as such. I remember snapping and yelling at those who tried to help me with tears in my eyes because I just didn’t want to see the truth and wished others around me also didn’t… just so that I could pretend everything was okay, or that it was normal.

Mystique and Russetfrond’s relationship also hits very close to home for me as well… My own body count reached 10 before I was even 18, as a means of using other people to distract myself from my own “shadow truth”.

And I say all of this not to cast darkness onto your writing in any degree. Mystique makes me very personally uncomfortable because she’s written so amazingly, and I commend you so greatly for that!! It’s very impressive ^^

In the end, she’s such a small character, and not a person with her own agency, but… I can’t help but wish, dearly, for her to be able to see the world as it is around her…

- Caltrop

Wow, thank you so much for sharing your experience like this.

I don't think you're casting darkness on my writing at all. In fact, my writing is FULL of darkness, of people who have been hurt and who hurt others. If anything, you are casting light on those dark parts by sharing how you've grown out of those places. I know it means a lot to me to hear that my writing resonates with people who have gone through these kinds of things.

It's something I haven't spoken much on from Mystique's perspective, but yeah, her fling with Russetfrond was definitely a response to distress, another way to push the Shadow Truth away because if she was fucking Russetfrond she wasn't thinking about uncomfortable realities or about her/Razor's complicity in the suffering around her.

We can only hope that she'll be able to process and work through all these thoughts. It makes me happy that there are people who are rooting for good things for Mystique despite her difficult behavior. If there's one thing I always hope, its that my audience will learn and practice empathy and compassion for people they might not have in the past.

[jess-the-vampire]

Probably an uncomfortable request, but could you please explain why Hunter is not popular because of supposed “white favoritism” or other such nonsense?

Well, ok, i'm not going to assume there aren't fans who might indeed act this way about the characters of the show, because I'm sure there are.

The show isn't perfect in itself, i feel the criticism aimed at some of the poc cast is fairly justified.

I do, however, think it's a bit unfair to claim that hunter's race was the only reason he's popular though. I mean, that kinda assumes hunter has nothing about his character that would appeal to others and i disagree.

I mean, take it from my perspective, as someone who is fascinated and invested in hunter, philip, and caleb as characters, all white characters.

What got me invested in the show was their interpersonal drama, all the tragedy and heartbreak and emotional chords personally hit with me. I tend to love stories like hunter's in shows, he's not the first character I've enjoyed with similar arcs and growth, and philip's fascinating character evolved from tragedy and what happens when the worst kinda people are left to hate without anyone to help them grow.

all of this appeals to me, and it most likely would have still appealed to me had they not been white. (Though, they are the only characters in the show that had to be white given the historical aspect)

I'm sure it's similar for a lot of others, hunter has a lot of the most compelling lore, and his story resonates with people (Let's be fair here, people tend to latch onto abused angsty characters). Like, c'mon now, hunter, belos and caleb had SO much lore about them in the fandom that most of the rest of the cast don't have, it's understandable why they got so much attention when they were so tied into the backstory and lore of a show. Of course people are screaming about hunter being a clone, it's a massive reveal and extremely dark! people eat that stuff up!

I think we just gotta remember people will have different things that appeal to them in characters, a character that might appeal to you, might not be for someone else. Even if hunter's story wasn't to your taste, it was for others, and i think we should understand that before assuming he has no other appeal to an audience then his skin.

I mean, amity is a fan favorite as well, and given she's also been accused of the same favoritism, it would be fair to assume she's also a favorite character of mine right? i mean, if logically, the only reason i feel this way about the tragic trio is their skin, then i should like amity more then characters like luz for example.

Except no, i've never been really big on amity, i think the mean girl turned good trope has just never been a trope that appeals to me that much. It certainly is a popular one, i think because people love redemption stories and once again, latch onto abused angsty characters, but she wouldn't personally rank my top 5 favorites in the show.

Same could go for eda, or lillth, who are white coded, but also not personally my favorites even if i understand their popularity.

i resonate with luz the most of the cast, and have probably the most in common with her, and i think she would rank above those three even if she's not my favorite character overall in the show.

I think we gotta look at these things with some nuance sometimes, just like how people who love philip as a character are not evil monsters and can have many reasons to enjoy his character, same goes for hunter that has nothing to do with his race.

you're not a bad person if your favorite character in a show just happens to be a white one, sometimes that just means they're a well written character who works for you and that's just it.

i think that favoritism should indeed be called out, especially when it's warranted, and of course it could play into why the show is the way it is or why the fandom is the way it is so i can't dismiss it entirely.

But we also shouldn't state it as a fact either, not without more compelling evidence at least.

And if you ask me at least, i think it does a disservice to hunter to think he of all characters has nothing else going for him.

[illegiblewords]

SOME ILLEGIBLE RAMBLES AND REFLECTIONS: ON GALE AND MYSTRA

I've been on the fence about whether to make this analysis specifically, but after seeing a few other discussions floating around figure it's worth offering another viewpoint in case it resonates.

These analyses in particular are very subjective and offer an interpretive option more than anything. I might allude to discussions I've seen elsewhere that I have different views from, but different views don't automatically mean personal dislike for me. Life would be boring if we all thought the same way, you know? Anyway. Hugeass post ahead, proceed at your own risk lol.

One of the arguments I've seen cropping up recently is the idea that romance between gods and mortals is inherently unequal, abusive, and problematic. I am very much of the mind that Mystra abused Gale. The developers at Larian have stated that every companion in Baldur's Gate 3 is a victim of abuse in some capacity. Some of my favorite romances over the years have been between gods and mortals. Mystra/Gale is not one of those. I think blaming the divine/mortal dynamic for any abuse misses the point. Moreover, it absolves Mystra of a huge amount of personal responsibility in the abuse she committed. I think it makes the abuse focus on what she is rather than who she is, how she looks at others, and how she treats others. I reflected on the divine/mortal pairings I've enjoyed compared to the dynamic between Gale and Mystra. In every divine/mortal romance I've loved, the god found wonder and saw a kind of power they lack in their mortal partner. This power stems directly from their mortality. There are experiences and perspectives specific to being mortal that are invaluable. The god doesn't relate to those experiences and perspectives the same way. The god always needs not only humility but equal respect for their mortal partner in some capacity. Additionally, the god acknowledges that being divine does not equate to omniscience. This is not a god according to the monotheistic definition. It's closer to an immortal being who excels in a very specific area and has certain responsibilities weighing on them. The god sees the forest but may no longer see trees, while the mortal sees trees but may not see the forest. There is value in what is ephemeral and fragile, just as there is value in what is permanent. The god and mortal need to bring balance to one another in the sense that the god helps the mortal find comfort in a bigger picture while the mortal reminds the god what it feels like to be small, vulnerable, and intimately connected to the world/other lives. A healthy divine/mortal romance requires recognition of multiple forms of strength, intelligence, and value. That very, very much is not what Gale and Mystra had. Another layer to the 'divine/mortal romance is always problematic' argument ties to questions of power imbalance. I would argue that even among human beings--power imbalance always exists. Human beings are not identical or interchangeable with one another. One partner might be brilliant at math and runs finances where the other partner would be lost. The other partner might be brilliant at people and can navigate social situations the mathematician would feel helpless in. One partner may be physically larger or stronger than another. The other partner has the full weight of social/legal support in most conflicts. And this isn't touching on issues relating to mental health, physical health, economic stability, societal issues, etc. People are multifaceted. None of us excel at all things, find power in all things, or suffer all things. We each have our own pains and triumphs. We each have the ability to hurt each other if we want to. If we wanted to avoid any power imbalance in favor of 1:1 equality, the only answer we'd have would be to literally romance ourselves . And that's 1) narcissism 2) lonely 3) sad. Just ask Raphael.

But unhealthy power imbalances must exist, right? And there is a horrible power imbalance between Gale and Mystra. I would just argue it has more to do with them personally than because of Mystra being a goddess. I'd argue that we should be looking at Gale and Mystra not as mortal and god or man and woman, but as people above all else with their own experiences/motives driving choices throughout the relationship. Examine the ways they look at and treat each other versus themselves. If Mystra was the mortal and Gale was the god, if Mystra was a man and Gale was a woman, I would not change my stance regarding where abuse was committed. Imo people get too caught up trying to make sweeping generalizations instead of focusing on the individuals and how they specifically interact. This in-mind, what are some examples of unhealthy power imbalance as I define it?

A character is physically and/or mentally incapable of participating with proper awareness of the situation, as a partner with equal respect and sway within the relationship.

A character is dependent upon the prospective partner for survival and cannot refuse them without fear of retribution or withholding necessities to survival.

A character is being systematically isolated and made dependent on their partner for all socialization and self-worth.

And so on. Hopefully you get the gist. What I do want to draw attention to though is that these examples offer room to include a variety of circumstances or dynamics within their umbrella. Ex. An underage character with an adult would easily qualify for the first criteria, but an extremely, non-functioningly drunk character would also count. So lets have a look at Gale and Mystra's situation in particular again.

Gale has, by his own admission, been involved with the Weave for as long as he can remember. He sees Mystra as synonymous with the Weave, and with magic. These are things he explicitly states within the game. Gale also has notable reactions to say, saving Arabella from being killed over the idol of Silvanus or Mirkon from harpies. With Arabella especially, the idea of being treated as unforgivable or deserving death for a youthful mistake is something he talks about as if he has some experience with it. And while this is a video game with limited character models, I'm going to estimate that the tiefling kids are probably somewhere between nine and thirteen. We know Gale has been stuck largely alone in his tower with the orb for a year or so. The orb specifically is something that happened when he was an adult, but the way he talks about Arabella with implicit personal identification of facing older authority figures as a young person who didn't know better... I don't think this is the orb alone troubling him. Minsc also has a dialogue option where he talks about how in Rashemen, boys with an affinity for the Weave were hidden away and he suspects it was to keep them from being preyed on by Mystra. Not men, boys. I've seen people try to argue that Mystra would have been indisposed/dead and unable to take advantage of Gale when he was a kid due to the broader Forgotten Realms timeline. I'm inclined to say in this instance, with all evidence in the narrative pointing to a particular arc and theme for Gale and Mystra's relationship, it's more likely that the timeline was something Larian chose to fudge in the interest of storytelling opportunities. The alternative would be that none of those dialogue exchanges meant anything. The narrative is weakened if those moments are made meaningless, and the characters become flatter and less credible without them too. If it comes between trivia and the emotional core of a story, I'd argue the core wins. Gale claims to have slept with other people before Mystra, but that a romanced character is the first person he's slept with after her. I personally suspect it wasn't a lot of prior experience, and he was pretty young when his romance with Mystra began. Additionally, while it's pure conjecture on my part--given how Gale reacts to the tiefling kids it would make sense to me if Mystra started grooming him when he was between nine and thirteen years old. Other people have shared analysis pointing to evidence that Gale unknowingly dual-classed and was a storm sorcerer originally, but was told he was purely a wizard and then had all of his sorcerous abilities eaten by the orb without ever knowing they existed. I do think it makes sense for Mystra to influence Gale as a potentially very powerful sorcerer this way to 1) get him to self-limit through wizard spells so he's easier to predict and control 2) be completely dependent on and devoted to her, starting as early as possible. (For the curious, sorcerer Gale theory is here and here. Very well-done imo!) In any case, Mystra absolutely has personal motive to do what she did, that has nothing to do with Gale personally. That it turned into grooming for a sexual relationship isn't a huge leap in light of her apparent mindset either. But lets take a moment to review that.

This is a really good recap setting up Mystra's situation. Karsus too, by the by. This second video here helps explain Mystra's own situation. My understanding is like this:

Mystryl was the original goddess of magic. Mystryl was a born-goddess rather than an ascended mortal goddess, which is important to note because both exist in the Forgotten Realms. Mystryl was neutral alignment. The Weave, magic, and those casting magic all tied into her divine portfolio. Divine portfolios reflect deities' jurisdictions and callings, which empowers them through use in the world as well as mortal worship. With all this in-mind, naturally it benefited Mystryl to encourage experimentation, devotion, and arcane ambition. The more spellcasters pushed the limits of magic, the more powerful Mystryl became too. This was when the Empire of Netheril came about, with its floating cities and its magocracies. Worth noting, eleventh level spells were being used at this point in time. Cue a bunch of aberrations showing up, called phaerimm. Cosmic horror monstrosities that sort of looked like if you combined grubs and lampreys then made them way too big. On the one hand they were ridiculously powerful natural spellcasters themselves. On the other, they could straight up detect, deflect, and eat magic at will. Incidentally they were also extremely hostile to other life forms. So them existing at the same time as Netheril caused some massive problems. The wizard empire was at war, struggling, and panicking. Karsus was a prodigy and the one most people were turning to for protection at the time. Karsus decided the best way to solve the problem was to become a god himself using the first and only twelfth level spell (of his own design) then get rid of the phaerimm that way. The spell specifically required the caster to replace a god of their choice. Karsus, being a wizard, thought Mystryl was the strongest divine force of all time and chose her. The first video explained very well, but it basically sounds like as a born-goddess--maintaining the Weave was essentially an autonomic process for Mystryl. Basically required as much thought as beating your own heart. It wasn't like that for Karsus. Karsus might have been the best wizard in the sense that someone might be the best marathon runner of all time, but if you take that marathon runner and then tell them they have to pump their heart manually from now on they're not just going to lose any future races they attempt--they might just die on the spot. Which is kind of what happened to Karsus. Karsus became a god of ambition along with magic, then lost his divinity to become a Great Old One instead. These days he's a stone stained in the gore of his dead people who speaks in fountains of blood. (One of the reasons I'm not enabling Gale in his quest to become god of magic, by-the-by.) Mystryl died because of Karsus's spell. Mystryl probably hadn't considered mortals, let alone the wizards who gave her so much power as a goddess, a threat to her personally before. An incarnation of Mystra (not Gale's Mystra) was born from the ashes of Mystryl to become the new goddess of magic. One of the first things Mystra does after basically reincarnating from Mystryl is ban mortals from using magic at level ten or higher. Mystra is now aware that mortals can challenge the gods and straight up kill her personally. She still needs casters using magic at high level to empower herself as a goddess, but it's a double-edged sword that can absolutely kill her. And to make matters worse... this Mystra also gets killed later. The Mystra we have now was a mortal woman (Midnight) who kept Mystra's name to avoid confusing worshippers, who'd been chosen by Mystra previously and ascended into that role. Midnight-Mystra, from the sound of it, also got killed for a bit and had to get saved by Elminster.

Like I said before, I do think there were some timeline blips going on for Mystra with Baldur's Gate 3. As long as she's died and reincarnated twice, her psychological state is cemented. How long it took her to come back and whether there were even more deaths than that is less important. I'd argue the key ideas we're supposed to take away about Mystra from this are that she is a goddess who 1) at this point is an ascended mortal who may have certain inherited memories or experiences from born-deities 2) is hyper aware that mortals can kill her 3) has been killed and reborn multiple times, not just by mortals but the very wizards she draws power from.

This is absolutely a shitty situation. It makes sense Mystra has complexes around it. It makes sense Midnight-Mystra would feel especially afraid when it comes to wizards seeing as she herself is a former mortal, so her position likely feels even more tenuous. The way she interacts with wizards and relates to her own position as a goddess is not as someone secure in her own power, but someone who sees anyone coming close to her level as a direct threat to her life. She needs casters to be strong to fuel her portfolio, but if they're too strong they can challenge her. So she is using whatever tools at her disposal to keep them beneath her while maintaining her own strength. It's also worth remembering that Mystra has no pretense of being good-alignment. Her motive in confronting the Netherbrain wasn't to protect Toril from mindflayers, but to protect herself personally from the Crown of Karsus and protect the Weave from the Karsic Weave. If magic as a force is in danger (as per the Karsic Weave) she might try to do something, but what befalls mortals is irrelevant to her. I'd argue she's 1000% acting out of self-interest for Baldur's Gate 3. And again--it makes sense given her position. It makes sense given the track record for gods in the Forgotten Realms.

So, if we go with the in-game implications that Mystra is supposed to have been active across Gale's life and was active when Minsc was running around a century ago (referenced in his comments about Rashemen protecting boys from Mystra)... what kind of relationship has Mystra built with wizards in particular? This is heavy speculation here but I'm going off of Gale's experience, Elminster's behavior, a point of notable cattiness from Lorroakan, and Mystra's motives.

I think Mystra encourages wizards to compete for her favor, both through their arcane power and on a personal level. She encompasses their entire world and dictates everything they are capable of by holding the Weave in her portfolio. Casters are nothing without her. She is fickle in her attentions, moving between wizard paramours and chosen so they constantly feel the need to prove themselves worthy of her love. As their goddess, they have no room to question her or ask for loyalty born of personal affection. Mystra does not care. She is inherently more than they are and ever will be, and unless they have something to woo her through her portfolio specifically there is no reason for her to stick around. They're lucky she gives them the time of day. Even if she can't literally, physically, personally prevent a wizard from interacting with the Weave--she can seriously screw with them while they do. Mystra's first post-Mystryl act was to blanket-limit the spells wizards could perform, remember? And BG3 Mystra was able to pluck the orb from Gale's chest at any time, whenever she felt like it. She just didn't. Lifetimes of work, dedication, study, and innovation are not ultimately credited to the casters who built themselves through their art but to Mystra. Memorized spells, arcane gestures, the interaction of components. She can make all of that so much harder. And she takes credit for any advancement a wizard makes. Origin Gale has lines with Minthara where he struggles to see himself as capable of anything without Mystra's say-so and needs to be reminded that she can't claim everything he has ever done through magic, and she hasn't managed to stop him yet. The fact that Gale himself, as Mystra's former lover, doesn't believe this initially and needs someone who very much is not a wizard to remind him says a lot about the dynamic Mystra set up with him and (in all likelihood) other wizards. So how does all of this fit in with the grooming point? Well, magic users are going to be much easier to psychologically control if Mystra starts taking advantage of them when they're still children and don't know any better. She needs to feed off of their strength with no risk to herself, so she needs to make sure they are can't even fathom turning on her. Maximize the power difference, ingrain that shit early. And if it becomes a sexual relationship... Mystra can tell herself they're even less likely to consider turning on her because it's just one more way they depend on her for validation.

Mystra's own fear and trauma (like Cazador's) does not prevent her from becoming an abuser. And like Cazador, she's using it to fuel the abuse she commits herself.

Something else I want to highlight before I segue to focus on Gale further, is how wizards deal with each other and why policy differs toward wizards versus other casters.

Wizards are nerds with shared interests. They're fucking around to see what's possible with magic and seem genuinely excited when anyone innovates. Innovation is something they can learn from and incorporate it into their own art. But actual wizard friendships, at least in Baldur's Gate 3, seem to be rare. They undercut each other emotionally and often look for ways to elevate themselves above their peers. Gale's colleagues left him to twist alone in his tower for a year. Elminster prioritizes pleasing Mystra by passing on her message for Gale to kill himself, and defends her if the player condemns Mystra's behavior. He even gets angry for certain dialogue options.

(It bears saying, I think Elminster has been psychologically wrecked by Mystra too. He does seem to be trying in spite of that but guy's not well himself.)

Even if not all wizards look to become romantically entangled with Mystra, Mystra has definitely encouraged competition and mistrust between them. After all, if the wizards supported each other they might realize they're stronger than her and that she's been causing harm. Another potential death.

I suspect the reason Mystra focuses on wizards is because wizards are ordinary people who know they were born ordinary, and know how hard it was to build arcane power. They aren't as secure in themselves as sorcerers who use magic like a reflex. And warlocks manage to work around Mystra with patrons who aren't beholden to her. So best for Mystra to undermine, manipulate, or otherwise occupy sorcerers who are strong enough to pose threats and teach the wizards they'd be nothing without her.

... One of the other arguments I saw recently was that Gale was being disingenuous/lying to himself and the player when he claims he wanted to gift Mystra a part of herself back. That he only wants power for power's sake, is kind of a terrible person, and it would be boring if he was being genuine. I deeply disagree with this stance.

When it comes to motivation, I'd argue power is by nature a means to an end rather than the end itself. "If I'm powerful enough no one will be able to hurt me again," "If I'm powerful enough I can fix every terrible thing I feel the need to," "If I'm powerful enough I can push the boundaries of what is possible and find a sense of wonder at the results."

Power because power does not cut it as a motive. It's likewise with ambition. We're not 2-D mustache twirlers here.

Ambition includes experimenting with a project to see if you can pull off something new or particularly difficult. Finding joy in the process and challenge itself isn't evil. It isn't even unhealthy.

Competing with others isn't necessarily negative either, in the right context. Being an elite athlete at the Olympics for example, you're putting your own skills against those around you in the hopes of surpassing them. It doesn't mean you think poorly of your fellow competitors. If anything, one would hope you respect them deeply for the shared discipline and passion. (But you still want to win, course. ;P)

If you read my post about DnD's pantheon, it's pretty clear I'm not opposed to the idea of A. firing gods from positions they're neglecting or B. nominating others to oversee necessary-but-unused portfolios. There are established gods of the Forgotten Realms who need, urgently, to be sacked. Being born into divinity, set up through nepotism, or 'elected by seniority' is not enough to shield a deity from my judgment. Mystra is abusing her worshippers, and while her portfolio might be able to squeak by I'd argue she's been compromised and is committing unprofessional and detrimental behavior in her capacity as goddess of magic. ESPECIALLY knowing she's like this as an ascended mortal. Any other mortal would be well within moral bounds to replace her. She has no ethical high ground in that regard. Managing autonomic maintenance of the Weave is an issue, but if someone showed up to replace her with the argument that Mystra is unfit due to committing abuse... I don't think that person would be morally wrong. Ballsy as hell, but not wrong.

So what's going on with Gale?

Gale canonically, in dialogue, thinks he and the world might both be better off if he was dead. I'll go a step further and argue that before the game even starts Gale considers his personal self a net-negative. If he isn't offsetting that with magical skill, knowledge, achievements, material possessions, and overall usefulness--he doesn't think he has a reason to be alive. The universe is worse for his existing in it.

Gale brags because he's trying to show he has something of value to give other people when he sees nothing of value in himself. He's trying to prove he can be an asset so others will keep him around. He brags notably less as he gains a sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and general support as acts progress. The times he gets snippy with other casters are because if he isn't the only and most useful magic guy to get something done, Gale thinks he might as well be thrown away. He is replaceable. He's also terrified to admit anything about the orb in Act I because there is no way to see it as anything but a danger and a burden. When that's added to his depression, he's sure he'll get abandoned in the wilderness to explode by himself and it might even serve him right. No one will mourn him. They might even be glad to be rid of the burden he brought.

Gale wants others to like him, to see him as a good person, to see him as someone brave and smart and worthy of trust. He absolutely does not see himself that way. If he's trying to prove it to the party--he's trying to prove it to himself just as much. There's a line he can give with The Dark Urge where he comments that if people are being killed just for being annoying, he should be dead a thousand times over. If you get solid approval with him at the tiefling party, he'll admit he didn't have any friends before the game. And while I can only speak to a particular romantic route, in Act III he talks about having been told to his face at various points/in various ways that he's insufferable. He knows other people don't like him and don't believe in him. If bad things happen to him they probably think he deserves it. He might even think so too.

Gale doesn't see anything worthwhile in himself that isn't built through wizardry. It has to be because he was smart enough, worked hard enough, and showed enough character to earn his power. If it's sorcery (and this is only a standard he applies to himself) then all that effort he put in would become meaningless. He can't look at his personal self as having done anything deserving of value or respect if he's a sorcerer because magic was easier for him than other people. And if he can't provide any magic, knowledge, or resources at all then no one has reason to give him the time of day. People hate him. Mystra only paid attention for his abilities as a spellcaster. The mortal, personal aspects of him were things she put up with.

So forget power and ambition for just a moment. What does Gale as a person in that position, who feels that way about himself, actually want? I'd argue that he probably just wanted to know the person he loved most actually gave a shit about him as a person. That he wasn't disposable or only worth as much as his skills and material possessions. I'm pretty sure he'd have wanted that regardless of whether Mystra was a goddess. Mystra both being the kind of goddess she was and the kind of person she was kept telling him he should be satisfied, that he shouldn't want any more than she was giving him. He can't climb any higher than her. No one can give him more than her. She is divine, she is the world itself. Gale never felt loved in that relationship. Due to Mystra's abuse he got to a place where the idea of wanting to be loved back became sacrilegious. It meant there was something wrong with him, that he was arrogant and insatiable. How else could he feel utterly alone and unlovable with a goddess?

Gale desperately wanted to mean something to Mystra personally, so he tried to offer a gesture of love in her language. Something he thought would be valuable to her as an individual and something requiring a ton of arcane skill/strength to deliver. He wanted her to look at him like he was irreplaceable as a person. I genuinely don't think that's a power-hungry or ambitious thing to want.

Gale didn't understand the orb, and unfortunately for him he didn't understand Mystra either. She wasn't the wise and understanding goddess he thought she was. She never wanted an equal. She does not have it in her to love someone as such. The idea of equality, for Mystra, is something that must be crushed to preserve herself.

I figure that the Gale who ascends to godhood has accumulated a divine amount of stuff and power to compensate for his belief that lacking those things, he would be worthless. If Gale wasn't a wizard it might have been music, or writing, or fighting, or politics--any skill, influence, or resource could be used the same way. It’s not that ambition is inherently bad. It’s that for Gale, it’s unhealthy. The ambition isn’t for its own sake. He’s using it as a counterweight against his own sense of worthlessness. God Gale buries his problems instead of dealing with them. He will never know if a character who romances him only did so because they saw his potential and wanted to come along for the ride. He will never know if they'd have bothered to stick around if he was only Gale Dekarios, if he didn't have so much to offer them. He tells himself it's enough that they believed he could do it.

With the mortal Gale ending, we should note that Gale doesn’t need power to enjoy the study of magic if he’s healthy. His priority isn’t about pushing the limits of spells, making new ones, or making a name for himself. Given room to decide for himself, he just wants to uplift and share with others through teaching. His trends in approval and disapproval support this preference too.

For Gale, I really think ambition and power are crutches he uses to justify being alive because he doesn't see any other reason. Give him a reason and he genuinely doesn't need them. They're the means, not the end. He does not want power for the sake of power. Guy is sad and doesn't know how to live with himself. He's not a worse or less believable character with that being his motive. Stories are about people, and people don't move through the world with static 'flaws' and 'virtues' checklists that need to be balanced. There's nothing inherently deeper or more meaningful about villainous characters compared to heroic ones. People make choices and deal with situations according to their experiences moment to moment, trying to make sense of things as best they can throughout their lives. Gale fits perfectly within this. The other cast members do too.

And for the record, while I'd argue Karsus was far more ambitious in character than Gale--even for him, it wasn't just about power. The guy was trying to save his people. He fucked up in a horrible and traumatic way so he's a Netherese blood fountain now. (RIP Karsus but also someone please pact with him.)

And as one last, controversial section... what did Gale's experience with Mystra do to him when it comes to his relationship with sex?

From how Gale talks about and shows Weave-sex, I'd argue it's an extension of him feeling inadequate as a mortal. And knowing this is a controversial point + a lot of people have done and loved the Weave scene because it reflects Gale's love of magic, I offer this: Gale would not be less worthy of love if he didn't have magic. Gale does not know this about himself. He went from an archwizard with a tower and Mystra's chosen to a level one adventurer sleeping on the ground. His entire relationship with magic for much of the game is incredibly unhealthy because he sees the person left in its absence as worthless. For Gale to have a healthy arc, I'd argue he needs to learn how to look at himself as nothing but a man and know he's still precious and irreplaceable. He needs to learn that he doesn't need to prove he deserves to be alive. He isn't disappointing. He doesn't have to try to impress others all the time to have a place in their worlds. He doesn't need to bribe people with shiny things or unique abilities so they'll tolerate the rest. He can exist as no one and nothing but himself and be treasured just for that.

I think at some point Gale could potentially have sex in the Weave again as a repairing experience where he's confident that his physical body, his reactions, and his wants weren't anything to feel ashamed of. Reclaiming that from his experience with Mystra could be very powerful and sexy. But for the first time he has sex since Mystra, when he thinks he's going to need to kill himself any day now and has been struggling between terror and self-hatred, I personally think it's healthier for him to get the validation of being enough as just Gale. Not the Wizard of Waterdeep. His life isn't being advocated for because he's strong or unique in bed. Someone wants him alive as just a person.

And not for nothing... I'm saying this as a writer who can't not write. I've had to do my own share of reflection about how I look at myself if writing isn't the metric of my worth. I wouldn't think Gale needs to abandon all magic any more than I would need to abandon all writing. But it's really important to know we aren't empty trash without our callings, you know?

Before I end this post, I do want to invite readers to think back to those bullets I made before on unhealthy power imbalance.

A character is physically and/or mentally incapable of participating with proper awareness of the situation, as a partner with equal respect and sway within the relationship.

A character is dependent upon the prospective partner for survival and cannot refuse them without fear of retribution or withholding necessities to survival.

A character is being systematically isolated and made dependent on their partner for all socialization and self-worth.

If Mystra deliberately started grooming Gale from a young age, emphasized and exaggerated the power discrepancy rather than making any effort to close the gap, that's a pretty big deal. Gale definitely never had equal respect or sway in the relationship compared to her. She'd probably find the idea insulting in the face of her godhood. She didn't want a partner but a supplicant who obeyed her with no needs for himself. Mystra actively distorted Gale's sense of boundaries and magnified what she could take from him if he displeased her. His life's work, his ability to access parts of his own mind for spells, his means of functioning in the world, his ability to defend himself... but also? His health and survival, once the orb was brought into play. And socially, Gale was incredibly isolated. It sounds like he hasn't even seen his own mother in at least a year, which I have some thoughts on. He was friendless for a long time even as Mystra's chosen. And Mystra made sure other wizards knew when she abandoned him to the point that even Lorroakan was aware. Mystra's offense was something for others to look down on him for. And Gale struggles in-game with the idea that Mystra mistreated or neglected him--because how could a goddess, his goddess, do that? He's been gaslit so hard that he doesn't quite get a moment of fully realizing it wasn't his fault. In some dialogue options Mystra even tries to frame his trauma over her abuse, unaware even that he had the Karsic Weave inside him, as wallowing in self-pity.

Gale did make a mistake, but I'd argue it matters a lot that the mistake was innocent and that he's woefully misjudged Mystra's character. He's being told it couldn't have been innocent and he deserves to be punished for it. He largely believes that. Doesn't make it true.

[fierceawakening]

So this post is going to be a bit rough and rambly but… I don’t know how we put this genie back in the box.

Do any of you remember when I’d freshly left the abusive relationship I was in and I read VORACIOUSLY, trying to figure out how I’d been taken in by such an awful person? (I vividly remember telling my dad about her saying I’m sure I’m gay because on my previous relationships with men I never thought I was in love, but this was so intense… well. I still wasn’t sure but I wondered if it might be.)

I read stuff like Why Does He Do That? and I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me. I also read things like The Sociopath Next Door and one of Hare’s books on psychopathy. I’m pretty sure my ex just had BPD, and I hasten to say even there that I have known many other people with BPD who I emphatically don’t think would treat me the way she did. I was trying to make sense of her, not trying to condemn anyone with a label I don’t have. (There are prosocial psychopaths, too.)

Mostly I was trying to make sense of her lack of remorse. She presented it as sexy and exciting—oh no, I don’t ever worry about taking kink too far, I don’t care what people think of me, I never give someone who wronged me a second chance.

I now see these as huge red flags and worried about them even then, but I tend to be someone who obsesses over whether I’m giving people a fair shake, so the idea of getting with her sounded like a fun vacation from scrupulosity.

It was actually “surely the leopard won’t eat MY face,” but I didn’t see it then.

Anyway. Around that time I got into a lot of arguments with people here who felt that putting too much stock into those books was inherently ableist.

The things the books said about lack of empathy, about how someone who lacks empathy treats even close loved ones as objects of use and not as full people, resonated with how I’d been treated by someone who professed to care about me. But it ruffled HARD the feathers of people for whom “lacking empathy” just means “beepy boopy, but not uncaring.” I have no solution to this—I think they’re two different phenomena that unfortunately have the same name (on tumblr. Not sure they do offline.)

Any double way. One thing I kept coming across in that research was the specter of the sociopathic leader. A charismatic public figure who charms a whole community or nation, and once they do that, rule with an iron fist.

The appeal was eerily similar to why I’d latched on to such a gross girlfriend. “Don’t you ever just want to go ape shitt,” basically. What if you don’t have to care? What if you get to put yourself, your family, your tribe, America First?

Doesn’t that take a load off your mind?

Those weird leftists who don’t understand God or gender or American exceptionalism… what if you don’t have to understand them anyway?

What if all you have to do is win?

My books said THAT is why we should continue to think of sociopathy as bad and people who have it as predators. Not because human rights stop mattering if someone isn’t neurotypical but because the attitude is infectious.

A person who thinks that way by default, if they’re charismatic (and many are), can EASILY get someone who doesn’t think that way to start wondering why they bother with perspective taking and empathy and remorse anyway.

Dehumanization is a virus, and people like that are carriers. The more power they have in a society, the more virulent the strain.

Do most people eventually snap out of it? I mean I’d better think so, my sister in law is German.

But how long does it take?

That I don’t know. And that’s what makes me think Trump might win.

And why I continue to think fighting ableism is important but ALSO to think acting like empathy is superfluous is playing with fire.

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Good thing that's happening soon 😁

Hi. Here's a general reading providing you message about a good thing that's going to happen soon. I feel that this reading is some sort of news you need to know right now too so maybe it's a mix of two lol.

I did this reading because I felt that my readings here are too intense. However, the messages I got this time is also intense so 💀💀💀 The good news may not sounds that "good" at first, but I'm sure that it's a positive thing that needs to happen to bring positive energy in your life.

Also, it's a general reading, so just take what resonates, and leave the rest behind. Don't force things to fit if it doesn't make any sense for you at all!

👇🏻Pick a color that you felt drawn to👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

Oops... some of you may not like this news now. The good thing that is going to happen to you is... you will get out of draining, toxic, or even abusive relationship really soon. It can be all sorts of connections but I can feel its more towards romantic relationships. Although I can feel that some of you probably don't want this to happen, I can see that you already know that something is really off about your relationship. So, if this is not the case for you, then this pile may not be your pile.

The existing relationship makes you feel really stuck and you have no idea how to get rid of it. Although you are suffering right now, some of you may still want to cling onto this connection because you don't want to think about how to deal with the consequences, or even how to escape from this connection. Some of you also make yourself believe that it's better for you to continue tolerating their nasty behaviours. However, no matter how hard you trying to convince yourself that things are working out really fine, some thing will happen unexpectedly and destroy your connection. But I don't really feel that it's that unexpected, as I can see that the negativity has already built up for a long time to the point that it's impossible to continue building.

By getting out of this connection, you will have a lot of time to be alone. It may sounds scary for now, but the time for solitude will actually be a very empowering experience for you. You will realize that you don't have to work that hard to get emotional support from others, as you are capable of taking care of yourself. It will be a transformative experience for you, and you will learn what is true love, as well as how to love yourself after the time of being alone.

Also, to be honest, the connection probably already met a dead end long time ago. You tried lots of method to make things work, but things never worked. I guess that's why some of you decided to be delusional, thinking that things are perfectly fine, in order to cope with the situation. It's really feel like a fucking maze and you are constantly trying to find the way out, but you can't. The event that will happen soon will lead you out of the maze, like literally send you to the exit. You will gain lots of clarity, and able to come up with new ideas, as well as new perspectives, when you get rid of the situation that drains so much of your energy. And I will be sure that you will understand in the future that things are not fine at all right now.

It may be a scary experience as it can be shocking and unexpected. However, I am very sure that the event that's happening in the future is exactly what you need, and what you low key wishing for. It'll bring so much positivity to your life, which will be 100x more than the nasty feeling of experiencing the sudden event at first.

(Despite the title, I really feel that this song is indicating that you have lost yourself for so long. With the event, you will be able to meet yourself again, and it'll feel so good for you.)

(And when I was tidying up the cards for your pile, the 7 of swords showed up. I feel that you will seriously question if the future event is good for you in any way. It may even feel so painful for you to experience the event. However, as the imagery of this card suggests, the event is a necessary step of creating the beautiful artwork that the person is drawing. An incomplete drawing always look ugly, but if you endure the "disgust" from the unfinished artwork, and continue working on it, you will receive a beautiful artwork. Everything will worth it when you see how gorgeous the finished work is.)

Pile 2

I can see that you are worrying about something right now. There's something that you really want to do, but you feel that you lack the skills to do it. However, it won't be like this anymore real soon! I can see there will be a person helping you to make things work in the future. They can be a new person or a person you already know. For some of you, the event may come in the form of a random thought, a random inspiration, or even a random dream that you happen to remember.

The event that is going to happen soon is literally a dream come true. It's really like finding THE missing piece of the puzzle, because I can see that you already have everything for the thing to work, except that one spark to start the engine. Yes, you literally have everything you need right now.

Damn, maybe this reading is the one missing thing you need lol. If you are thinking that you lack the skills, I can see that you actually have the skills you think you're lacking. If it's a new concept or knowledge that you think you're lacking, you actually have that in your head right fucking now.

The major problem you're having right now is that you're worrying too much, and also you have like a millions thoughts floating around in your head right now. You really just need that one spark, that one push to make everything into order, and boom, it's done. No additional thing needed except that one hit. Good luck on the thing you're thinking about because you will succeed.

(Yeah. This is the perfect metaphor. You literally have the whole domino sorted out and all you need is that one single push to make a good show. And that one push will happen soon!)

Pile 3

Bruh. The good news for you is you will receive a blessing in disguise of something you absolutely don't want to happen right now. I can see that you are trying to make some innovations, bringing some new ideas, or suggest some changes. You will face a huge obstacle that prevents you from doing the thing you want to do, or a very clear sign showing that you should stop what you're doing right now. It may even be intimidating or infuriating for you at first, but I am sure that you will thank this event for happening in the future.

Judging from the energy of the reading, it seems that you lack the ability to actually do the thing you want to do. You will probably make a mess if you decide to do it. It's a case that you fucked around and unable to find out, or find out something you absolutely don't want to happen. (Yeah, something that's worse than a huge STOP sign telling you to stop what you're doing right now.)

Besides of the fact that you are not capable of pulling the thing off, I can also see that it's unnecessary to go against the flow for now. I am sorry if it's offending you, but I really don't see any positive outcome from carrying out the things you're thinking about. And I am not the type to deter people either, so I am really expressing my honest opinion, with the energy I read from this reading. You will find things to be 10 times better if you make peace with the current situation, instead of going against it.

(Well, I cannot find a song that's directly pointing out the message of this reading so I just share the last song played while I'm typing this. Also, the next song in the queue is about something burning. I take this as a sign that it'll be really dangerous for you if you proceed with what you're wanting to do, ignoring the big STOP sign.)

[lightparty-fullparty]

Gods okay I need to talk about the Stormblood Antagonists for a hot minute. Whatever personal issues I have with how Stormblood is paced or how certain characters are handled, the villains are absolutely fantastic.

If there is one singular theme that ties the main three antagonists (that being, Fordola/Yotsuyu/Zenos) together. It's the idea of the Ouroboros. The snake that is caught in a self-destructive cycle of devouring it's own tail.

Historical in our real world, the Ouroboros has been symbolic of main things, the cycles of life and death, fertility, even immortality. However, it can also been seen in a more negative light as a symbol of perpetuated suffering. Of being unable to let go of something that only end up hurting you more. And gods doesn't that just sound familiar?

Now I can hear you, in your head saying "But Gengar - Yostuyu and Fordola obviously have those parallels of suffering abuse and becoming abusers themselves, but what the hell are you doing throwing Zenos in there too? He's the abuser." And I get it, I do. Aside from the fact I'm a self-admitted Zenos lover, he doesn't at first glance really fit in with the ladies. But hear me out okay?

It's not just suffering abuse. It's refusing to let go and allow yourself and your perspective to change, even though your current way of thinking and acting is only making you suffer more. Yotsuyu was victimised for *years* at the hands of her Aunt/Uncle/Asahi. Then sold off to an (asummedly) abusive husband, and then sold again into prostitution. She was never offered a shred of sympathy or kindness during this time. And when she was given power, given authority and the means to protect herself physically. She choose to return all of the suffering she endured onto the people of Doma. She did not see them as being in the same position as her, suffering under the abuse of the Garlean Empire. She did not offer them any sympathy or kindness of her own, because (in her mind) they had denied that basic decency to her. Yotsuyu couldn't let go of her hatred until a literal giant wooden beam smacked her on the head and gave her complete amniesia. At which point, she displayed the ability to be kind. To think of others and to try and do nice things for them (Persimmons anyone?). Tsuyu was freed from her self-inflicted cycle of pain. She stopped letting herself be comsumed by her own anger and fear. Fordola was much the same, though her family at least very clearly cared for her. She grew up in an occupied Ala Mihgo. In a family with supported the Imperial force. Out of genuine agreement with the Empire or as a means of ensuring a sightly better life for themselves we don't really know (as far as I can remember at least). Fordola's suffering, much like Yotsuyu's, came at the hands of her own 'countrymen'. People who (rightly) despised the Empire for it's brutal oppression, but who choose to take it on someone more vulnerable and accessable. A child. A young girl who was given a horrible and sudden lesson on just how cruel people can be. On both sides of the conflict.

Fordola chose to join the Garlean Army in the hopes of amassing power for herself. Of trying desperately to carve out some place of herself and her friends where they felt they actually belonged. Where they would be respected. Unfortunately, she found none of this. The Garleans saw her as a 'savage', the Ala Mihgian's saw her as a tratior. Like Yotsuyu, Fordola couldn't let go of her desire for revenge. Her desire to "make anyone who ever looked down on (her) pay!". It drove her to extremes to try and hold onto that scrap of power she had managed to gather. The resonant, the Castrum, all of it more teeth biting into her own tail. So what can Zenos not let go of?

His belief that the only joy he can find in life is from dying in combat. Because let's be honest with ourselves, Zenos has no desire to live here. He wants a meaningful death, a brilliant, climactic, perfect moment and then he wants to not be alive anymore after that. It's why he chooses to kill himself after the Royal Menagiere. You beat him! You gave him his perfect moment! He knows (believes) that there's nothing left for him after this! So he dies. Zenos is infact suffering. It's just not as clear as Fordola or Yotsuyu. He's miserable. He's perpetually bored, and lethargic, and consumed by apathy. A prison of his own making because he has had tunnel vision since he was like 8? 10? that combat was the only thing capable of making him feel anything. So he chases after it, chases after you (the WOL). Trying to push you and push you like he was until you're capable of giving him what he wants. His perfect, transcendant moment of pure joy, and then death after.

Really what it comes down to is that Fordola, Yotsuyu, and Zenos are stuck in their own self-perpetuated misery. Yotsuyu in her fear of powerlessness, Fordola in her need for revenge, and Zenos in his desperation for meaning.

And none of them can see a way to break their own cycles until it someone outside of it comes in to try and do it for them. (Gosetsu/Lyse + Arenvald/WOL+Alisaie)

'Ere does the head devour the tail.