#like it's so nice that some relationships have compatible needs and abilities so they can take care of each other

[spookwyrdie]

Sweet Spot {part 3}

{part 1}{part 2}{part 3}{part 4}{part 5}{part 6}

Baker Felix x Florist reader

summary: Before the ceremony, you unfortunately have to face your ex. Though with Felix there to back you up when Johnny starts being rude, there's a tension you haven't felt before. How will you survive watching your ex get married? // genre: fluff, angst, eventual smut // word count: 3.6k // warnings: adult dialogue, sexual themes //a/n: if you're not on the taglist and would like to be, please reply to this post or send me an ask!🥰

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I have only posted this here and on AO3 - user: spookwyrdie

Before doing anything else, you need to go take a very cold shower. For one, you need to scrub off all the plant matter currently staining your hands. Secondly, you need to douse this awful combination of anxiety and lust that’s been building up throughout the week. The idea of Johnny walking down the aisle has been simmering away in the back of your mind and the confusing fresh wave of desire for Felix has not been helping. When you try to untangle the thoughts from one another, it feels like trying to diffuse a bomb, not knowing which wire to cut. 

There’s a part of you that feels bitter about Johnny, you two were together for so long, and he’s climbing that ladder of life faster than you. All the bragging that he’s done has seeped into you. In your more insecure moments, you think yourself jealous of him. It drives you mad, knowing how dead your relationship was by the time you pruned it, but all that time and effort lost on some mediocre shithead from your college years makes you feel like you’ve wasted your prime years. Johnny has an uncanny ability to suss out the parts of yourself that you’re least confident about and boast about his success in those areas. 

When your floral business was just starting out, he made sure you knew how well he was doing with money. When he met Jenny, he paraded her around online and at social functions, telling anyone within earshot how he’s never loved anyone the way he loves her. He liked to go on and on about how he knew the very first time meeting her, he was going to marry her. They were just so compatible - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Every time you are hanging out at some brewery with your old friends and Johnny starts up, it takes all your effort not to scoff into your beer and roll your eyes. It’s not jealousy that you feel though, you just wish he would shut the fuck up about it sometimes. 

When he had approached you to do the flowers for the wedding, he seemed surprised when you accepted.

“I promise, I’d love to do the florals for you and Jenny,” you said.

“Are you sure?” Johnny said, eyes full of pity. “Is the business doing okay? It’s totally fine if you don’t want to take on a project this big.”

“Business is booming, Johnny,” you gritted out. “I’ll even give you a nice discount, since we’re friends and all.”

“Okay, great!” he said. “Be prepared for Jenny though. She’s terrible at making decisions without my help.”

“I’ve worked with a lot of brides before, I know I can handle any changes she needs to make,” you reply coolly.

“Good to know,” he said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You remember this exchange like it was yesterday. The way you had little half moons embedded in your palms from clenching your fists so hard comes to the forefront of the memory. There was something about how Johnny knew exactly what to say to get under your skin still made you angry.

Thinking back about this exchange while you soap up your body under the cold water of the shower, a little seed of conspiracy plants itself in your mind. Did Johnny encourage the massive switch up of aesthetics at the last minute? Jenny seemed so eager about the previous plan of  classic, timeless flowers that the switch to bohemian felt really out of left field, especially so close to the wedding date. It was also a little rash and stupid of you to offer him such a huge discount. Minho and Chan were right, you had to make sure all your extra work was paid for properly. 

The Felix problem was an entirely different can of worms. This crush you’ve been nursing for years now had fuel added to the fire, all because of a silly dream you had. Granted, it was an incredibly hot dream, you feel goosebumps raise on your skin, and not just from the frigid temperature of your shower. If anything, the icy water was keeping you grounded, not getting swept away by your desire again. 

Were you ovulating or something? Why was this hitting you so hard, especially now? Nothing had changed between you and Felix, you just seemed to notice more. He’s been extraordinarily kind, really going out of his way to take care of you. It helps, since both of you work within the wedding industry, to have someone to confide in so closely. The last few months, you’ve seen him more often than not, like an extremely reliable dinner buddy. You realize Felix is a huge reason you haven’t felt as lonely in the past year. 

His offer to be your plus one had you reeling. As you step out of the shower, you remember how he urged you to call him your boyfriend while you were here. 

“It feels real when you can attach a label to it like that,” he had said. He was right. You knew, beyond a doubt, that your ex would take what you said more seriously if you had “evidence” that you were doing well. It was petty, immature, and not something you should entertain. . .  but you wanted to feel an ounce of victory against your ex. You were going to that wedding to show up and show off. It didn’t hurt that you also secretly craved to indulge the fantasy of being with Felix like that, even if just for a night.

Toweling off your body, the dream-hazed feeling of his hands on your hips rocket through you again. It’s not that Felix wasn’t touchy, he was one of your more physically affectionate friends. But that was just the way he acted with everyone, always hugging, touching, soothing, you internally scolded yourself for getting swept away by his antics. There was something about Dream Felix’s hands that felt burned into your skin. Rubbing your face, you try and shake the image - you have shit to do, there’s a wedding you need to get ready for.

You pull your dress out of the garment bag, a pastel pink, slinky number, ruched in just the right way to accentuate the curve of your hips. The length is just modest enough to pass for a wedding, but stops right above your knee. You have your favorite pair of strappy, white fuck-me heels to go along with it. You make sure your lips look plumped, your eyes look sharp and bedroom-y, and your hair looks fashionably mussed and loosely pinned back. The goal is to look like you didn’t put in too much effort while still standing out from the crowd. 

You’re futzing with an earring clasp when you hear a knock at the door. Felix stands in the doorway when you answer, whatever greeting he was about to say dying on his lips when he sees you. His jaw slackens as he stares, drinking you in. You’re in a similar position, enthralled by his appearance. His hair is half swept back, tendrils of his cool toned blonde trailing resting against his shoulders. His suit jacket is a pale blue offset by his light beige dress pants. His attention to detail is insane with his white shirt with small detailed flowers embroidered into it and a silver blue embroidered tie to match. The undertones of the suit complement his honey tanned skin so well. His freckles nearly glitter on his face. He looks good, as if he just walked off the runway. You’re not sure how much time passes as the two of you gawk at the other, before you shake yourself out of it.

“Lix! Come on in!” you nearly shout, unable to control the volume of your voice.

“Wow, Y/n…” he murmurs as he steps inside the hotel room. “You look…”

“It’s a bit much, I know,” you interrupt him. You don’t think you can handle whatever he was about to say, good or bad. “But I wanted to show off a little at the wedding.”

“That won’t be an issue at all, I promise,” he says as his gaze traces your form again. His eyes darken for a moment, lost in some sort of intense thought, before he snaps out of it. Looking up at you with a bright smile on his face, he does a little spin to show off his outfit. “Told you I clean up real good, didn’t I?”

“Understatement of the century,” you mutter, your skin flushing. You can’t help but trail your eyes up from his shoes to his face. “Oh! I have something for you!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!” you walk over to the small fridge in your shared room. Inside is a plastic takeout container, slight condensation covering the inside. “Well, technically I have something for both of us.”

You pop open the container to reveal a corsage and a boutonniere, a combination of lilac, lavender and mint. Picking up the boutonniere, you beckon Felix over. “This goes on your suit and I have one that matches.”

“Ooh, matchy matchy!” he lilts.

You playfully smack his shoulder and laugh. “Yes, matchy matchy.” 

He stands close to you, the toes of your shoes nearly touching, as you pin the flowers on to his lapel. You smooth your hand over the fabric of his jacket before looking up at him. He’s got that same adoring look in his eyes as he looks down at you. You feel yourself flush again, that cold shower’s calming effect has fully worn off now that you’re back in the warm glowing spotlight Felix seems to put on you. Bashfully, you look away and your eyes catch the clock on the bedside table.

“Oh! I need to get down to the dressing rooms with the wedding party’s flowers!”

You’re already power walking out of your room when you hear Felix trail behind you, “I’ll come help.”

You sneak into the bridal dressing room with a few boxes while the girls are still in pre-wedding prep. There’s a lot of movement all orbiting Jenny. When she sees you, she smiles and beckons you over. Felix hangs back, hovering by the entrance, not wanting to disturb the tittering over the bouquets. 

The bridesmaids love the flowers, each getting their own mini version of Jenny’s big bouquet, slightly unique in arrangement and color. You also reveal the corsages that they’ll be able to wear at the reception, also matching the bohemian theme. The din of chatter rises again in the room. Jenny sees Felix at the door and waves, smiling at him like they were old friends. She catches your eye and winks.

The bridal drop off was simple. The groomsmen drop off fills you with dread. While walking the boxes of boutonnieres over to the men’s dressing room, you feel your stomach do a few flips. Felix gives you a reassuring smile and waits in the doorway yet again. As you enter, you hear the cheerful, familiar voices of Peter and Bobby calling you over.

“Y/n! We wondered where you were,” Bobby says.

“Yeah, holy shit,” Peter says. “It’s been ages. I’ve never seen you grace our presence in anything but sneakers!”

“Hey guys,” you grin at the boys. These two chucklefucks have been your friends since the first week of college when you found yourself in an ice breaker circle during orientation. They were the two who introduced you to Johnny incidentally during a chaotic game of Edward 40-hands. Johnny had helped you drag them back to their dorm when they were three sheets to the wind. “Lovely to see you two looking like you’ve showered for once.”

“Hey now, don’t go complimenting us too hard,” Peter smiles with a big wide gummy smile. “Whatcha got there?”

At that moment, Johnny appears, giving you a flat mouthed smile. He looks slicked back and shiny, his cheeks a little too pink to seem suave. He looks a little wary seeing you all dressed up. With your heels on, you are at eye level with him and you know that he isn’t a fan of that.

“I came to pin on your flowers so you all match for the ceremony.”

You start pinning on the little bundles of flowers one by one. Johnny is last in the rotation, his boutonniere a little more complex than the groomsmen. You both stand in awkward silence for a moment, safety pin stuck between your teeth, as you maneuver the wrapping of his flowers.

“So…who’s the blonde?”

“Hmm?”

“Who’s the blonde dude hovering at the door?”

You turn your head, and make direct eye contact with Felix. He’s got a cool smile plastered on his face that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. The way the afternoon sun is hitting him makes him radiate though. Somehow he seems to bring his own sparkle with him everywhere he goes, like he can’t help but capture the attention of everyone surrounding him. You watch as he presses his tongue against the side of cheek as he looks at the two of you across the room.

“That’s Felix. He’s my…boyfriend,” the word feels strange in your mouth.

You see the muscle in Johnny’s jaw twitch as he mulls that over. “I thought you were bringing your sister.”

“Nope, you just assumed I was bringing her,” you say, your voice clipped. “Remember? You thought I was having trouble in the ‘dating department’?”

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

“A few months now.”

“Hmm,” he grunts out, eyes still on Felix. “Isn’t he kind of… too pretty for you?”

“Excuse me?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. 

“I mean, isn’t he a little…” Johnny raises his hand to make a limp wrist gesture.

“I don’t like what you’re implying, Johnny.”

“Oh, don’t get all offended on me. You know what I mean! He looks like a fairy,” Johnny whispers, too loudly. Everyone in the room goes quiet.

“Why are you being so fucking rude?” you feel the heat of anger roll through you, color rising in your cheeks.

“I’m not, I’m just surprised you’re into guys like that,” he sniffs, looking away. “Are you sure he’s into you?”

“Fuck you,” your voice bites out, adrenaline pumping through you.

Bobby comes up and claps Johnny a little too hard on the shoulder, forcing out a laugh. “He doesn’t know what he’s saying! He’s probably just hungover from the stag last night. You know how alcohol turns him into a little bitch.” 

“Yeah,” Johnny mumbles. “Sorry.”

“Whatever,” you say, turning on your heel. “See you out there.”

You stomp over to the door where Felix is standing. As you approach, he holds out his hand for you to take. Unshed tears burn in your eyes, but you’re too mad to cry. Felix walks one step ahead of you, pulling you gently to a secluded corner near the lobby. 

“Y/n, you okay?” he leans down, concern painting his features. You’re breathing hard, trying to calm yourself down but it feels like there’s a swarm of bees under your ribs.

“Breathe.” Felix says as he pulls you into his arms. He hugs you tight and takes some deep breaths in a slow, soothing pattern. You don’t realize you’re shaking with anger until you’re pressed up against his chest, but you begin to relax in his embrace. He pulls back a bit when he feels your forehead slump onto his shoulder, giving you a reassuring pat on the back. 

“What he said doesn’t matter, I promise,” Felix says, his deep voice rumbling through you, close to your ear. “It’s hard to insult someone when you’re calling them pretty.”

You chuckle, looking up at him. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“Ehh, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before. I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he says. “He was insane to think that I wouldn’t be into you.”

“Yeah, my fake boyfriend has to be into me,” you chuckle. You feel much calmer now. “It’s like, the main reason you’re here.”

Felix gives you an inquisitive look, like the combination of a frown and smile, before shaking his head. “Yeah sure, fake boyfriend.”

You take one last deep breath to ground yourself. 

“Alright, let’s go find our seats.”

~

You’re no stranger to weddings. The families and friends shuffle in, light piano music playing in the background while everyone decides whether they want to sit on the bride or groom’s side. You hear a few hushed conversations about how lovely the florals are and secretly beam with pride. 

Felix drags you to a pair of seats on the bride’s side in the back row. He’s sitting close to the aisle side, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close to his side. The small circles he’s rubbing into your shoulder are meant to be soothing, but you feel some of that ache blooming in your chest again. This is what it would feel like to really be with him. 

Johnny files in, taking his places in front of the round floral arch you put together. You avoid Johnny’s eyes at all costs, not wanting to scowl the entire ceremony. Jenny doesn’t deserve that. Felix, on the other hand, can’t seem to keep his eyes off Johnny. If looks could kill, Jenny would be a widow before she even got married. 

The swell of the wedding music starts up as the bridesmaids line up. Everyone stands, Felix taking your hand in his once again. You watch as a few of the bridesmaids do a double take at him, raking over his outfit briefly. One of them fully gawks at him for a moment before she remembers where she is. Your eyes are focused on the flowers, watching how they compliment the outfits and how they blend with the rest of the styling. 

The piano switches to a slower version of “Here Comes the Bride,” which feels strangely traditional with all the bohemian decor. Nonetheless, Jenny, arm in arm with her father, slowly marches down the aisle. Her gown is soft and flowy, her hair long, her veil made in the style of macrame. It matches perfectly with the bouquet you created for her, you beam with pride. You find yourself smiling and leaning into Felix’s shoulder. He turns to you, fully looking away from the bride, looking at you with a soft expression. Your focus is on the bouquet as Jenny steps up to the front. The ceremony begins when the officiant gestures for everyone to be seated.

Felix grasps your hand, lacing your fingers together, as you sit. He runs his thumb over your knuckles tenderly as he watches. Your other hand finds his bicep as you lean into him. He grins and subtly flexes for you. While Felix is focused on the couple at the front, his hand slips out of yours gently. For a moment, you’re filled with disappointment, until he shifts to grab your leg, fingers dancing along your knee. The room fades into the background, now all you care about is the way his fingers feel against your skin.

The voice of the officiant drones on. Felix’s eyes still firmly face forward as he caresses down your thigh, the hem of your dress riding up an inch or two under his grasp. You look down, watching in awe at the light ministrations, the pads of his fingers tracing little heart patterns on the inside of your knee. The sensation makes your heart flutter and the sensitive skin under Felix’s hand buzzes in anticipation. 

You glance up at him to find his eyes still trained on the exchanging of vows. He looks stoic, almost as if the way he’s touching you is a mindless activity. Maybe it is, maybe you’re getting carried away, awash in the building arousal. You try to remind yourself that this is fake, he’s doing this to help you put on a show for others, to rub it in Johnny’s face a little. Felix is a master at the act if he’s able to get you to believe, even if just for a second, that he returns your feelings. Your heart sinks as you think of your own little delusion that he could feel the same about you. 

He looks down at you then, head leaned into his shoulder, both hands grasping at his arm. Whatever look you give him must spur him on, this time he lightly drags his nails up your inner thigh. You gasp at the sensation, arousal pooling in your belly. Your knees lurch closed, trapping his hand between your thighs. He smiles at you again, this time flashing his teeth, the tip of his tongue tapping at the point of one of his canines. Your legs shudder slightly and you whine, so low only he can hear it. He delicately slides his hand out from between your thighs, wrapping his arm around your shoulders again. 

The noise of the room kicks up again, everyone clapping while “The Wedding March” plays on the piano. You stand on shaky legs next to Felix. As Johnny and Jenny come down the aisle, Felix pulls you to him and presses a kiss to your temple, making direct eye contact with your ex. Your eyes flutter at the possessive kiss, realizing that you hadn’t imagined Felix’s lips in the same spot the other night as you drifted off. As your mind spins, you miss the way Johnny sneers at Felix, disdain dripping in his gaze.

As the rest of the wedding guests file out of the room behind the couple, Felix grabs your hand and drags you out, trailing behind everyone. Heading towards the reception, he brings your hand to his mouth, giving it a quick peck. He looks at you, his eyes glinting with mirth, as he says, “Come on, let’s go try the cake.”

~

taglist: @binniesbabe @jeonginsleftcheek @ivydoesit23 @stayatinykatsy @mong---mong @palindrome969 @dottydarling @chiaki-nanami-aesthetic

[invisiblerhythmcat]

ugh, of course I accidentally stumbled onto something my partner wrote about how fucked up things are for them

and it's so hard to not have that deeply gnawing guilt that I'm a horrible person for abandoning them and that I'm the cause of one of their complete brain melts

so, just, going to publicly remind myself that I didn't abandon them - I'm still keeping track of certain things for them and am very prepared to jump in if there's any reason to fear that will not be housed or fed

also, them suffering does not mean I have to suffer too.

we were in a completely untenable situation in which I was basically torturing myself in order to take care of them and that wasn't good for either of us. yes, it's not good that I had to step back. and yes, it's unfair that I have been able to start building the life I want and they have not, but that is not my fault.

I am too fucked up to be a caretaker for more than one person and I made myself incredibly sick taking care of them but not me

this is a product of society fucking disabled people over. They should have all this support without needing to rely on family and partners. I should also have support as a disabled person. I should also have had support as a caretaker. Instead, the third person who was supposed to be my support was actively making things worse

and, no matter how fucked up they are, I am allowed to hurt. They did and said incredibly hurtful things. Maybe it was just because their brain is a mess and they can't always control it, but it still hurt and I'm allowed to hurt.

The one time this happened and I asked for an apology (because I was hurting), they refused because it wasn't their fault because their brain is just weird sometimes. I'm allowed to be angry about that. I'm allowed to be angry that they never acknowledged my hurt, even if I understand that it came from a place of desperation and fear.

It was supposed to be for only a month and a half. I hung on for over two years. That's not abandonment. That's not being a horrible ableist who refuses to take care of their partner. That's a really dedicated, committed person who accepted a huge amount of harm with no support trying to keep a person alive and happy at all costs.

Like, it really fucking sucks that it's like this now. They don't fucking deserve any of this. But I didn't either and I fucking tried my best to give them everything they deserved.

[tutuandscoot]

SD: Dream a Little Dream of Me ~ 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics

For the sake of this not becoming a university length dissertation, in analysing this program I am going to focus on discussing the textbook example of musicality they display in this performance. (Though there is so much to love about it from costumes to skating technique, but the musicality is 1000 chefs kisses 🤌).

This is going to be a bit tricky to break down in gif form, so please if you feel it necessary jump back and forth between watching the video and this analysis.. I’ll do my best to bring it to life through text!

Before that I really do have to comment on their performance quality and showmanship, and it’s not like this performance is an outlier as a supreme example over their other performances, but it is just such an easy to understand example of what being a truly gifted performer is. In more lyrical/contemporary programs, it’s more subjective and can be said to be too over or under done, this program however.. it’s like they’ve been pulled straight out of a mid century movie. It’s hard for me to say what is their best dance style because they really do excel at them all, but this really is just.. as close to perfect as you can get. Its fits them so well. They have the EXACT amount of expression needed to carry the story, the tone, the movement, interaction with each other, and are able to make it visible for the judges, audience close up, watching on TV, and way in the back row of the arena. This is what we call in the theatre/dance world ‘projection’- that encompasses how long you have to hold an expression for, what angle your head needs to be at, how much to squint your eyes, how much you interact together/to each other as opposed to the audience. Their field of performance is unique bc they have essentially 5 sides they are performing to - 4 sides of an arena and the cameras. Most dancers/ stage actors have just the front. There is never a moment or angle from which VM aren’t being watched.

I can’t even begin to explain how rare a quality and ability to perform like them is, let alone find the one other person in the world as equally charismatic as you and have that performance relationship work- perfect compatibility. Tessa is a freaking superstar. She’s so absurdly beautiful, she has the most gorgeous sparkling eyes and infectious smile. Her face just reads soooo well from an audience POV. It sounds harsh to say but some people just do not have the face for this- and it’s not about being attractive or beautiful- it’s just the ability to read expression. Having features in proportion to all the expressions you need to portray. Same with Scott. It really can not be said enough what a once in a lifetime gift he is to the world of dance/theatre/ performance, LET ALONE skating. I am not exaggerating: he (within their field) is akin to Fred Astaire. Not to get stereotypical, but it is just rarer to find a male performer with that kind of natural charisma, either there are more who have it and are bullied out of it bc dancing/performing is considered “girly” or they don’t have the mentors around them to see that untapped talent/potential for it to be come what it can be. And even THEN it is so incredibly rare to find. There are phenomenal male actors and dancers, but I can’t think of any- out of literal movie actors, that invoke leading man, all-round talent… just that kind of performer you don’t see anymore. Scott optimises vintage style not vintage values on the ice and in their partnership. Scott would not be out of place in the mid 1900’s classic cinema is what I’m trying to say-that kind of performer doesn’t exist anymore and there is something nice about watching watching VM, even with IDing moving in the direction it’s going now, to look back not even 10 years ago and watch this team so brilliantly skate a more traditional style of performance, and also be able to perform modern/current themes and music. VM HAVE NOT had a perfect or easy journey by any means, but by their own retelling they were incredibly fortunate to have families, coaches, mentors who nurtured them exactly how they need to be to fulfil their incomprehensible amount of talent. (Back to S) I am just so moved by him everytime I manage to draw my eyes away from T to just watch him- and the reason why I struggle to stop watching T: bc HE IS MAKING ME WATCH T.. seriously. Challenge yourself to just watch him, and see everything he does himself to shine and also make her shine.. I just can’t comprehend it. He is just so incredibly rare and a freaking gift of a performer.

To bring it back to this exact program and performance now.. I think it is one of the better examples where both of them are equally as stunning, charismatic, equally shine. S was born to be this kind of dancer.. I think is what I’m saying. It just looks so easy for him, it’s not a deep, complicated character like don jose or Christian, but it is a character none the less and is one that he just fits so perfectly. Thinking about how perfectly he expressed Farrucas which was fiery and had this internal rage that manifested as passion and love- he even more perfectly expresses this charming, handsome, leading man with stunning posture and exquisite lines. Everything he does looks easy. I love that BESP commentary where they say “he NEVER looks as though he’s got a problem” he’s doing the most complicated skating in the world to the highest quality, while partnering T seamlessly and with a smile on his face. He just gets that a huge part of his job is to make her look good. It’s not about him- it’s about her. Sorry but it is, and he FREAKING GETS THAT and has not one microfibre of resentment over that, you never see him cringe or wince or get mad at her for messing him up. This goes back to their inspiring work ethic and empathy towards each other and being the best team possible, but to be such a selfless male partner- and be that selfless when he is as good as he is… to have no resentment over that and never wish he’d been a singles skater to have the spotlight for once- nope-he doesn’t want that. Ughhh..

I know that seemed to get off track but it really does go into it- that lack of ego, when you can just be so free to perform bc you love it and you get to do it with the person you love more than anything- all that shows when they dance.

OKAY…

Back on track now.

I’m going to try to hit the big/most inspiring musical moments. (Obviously I’m not gonna hit all of them) (Apologies in advance for my attempt to text-verbalise musical accents).

On this little trumpet (I think it is excuse me if I mix up instruments), you can hardly see it, but S throws T’s arm up and its not her arm that’s expressing that full trumpet trill, but his left arm as he drops it down after throwing hers up. He also give a bit of that smirky face as he does so. Starting with this musical moment bc its so perfect but you barely see it- it’s that kind of attention to detail that is so under appreciated in this program.

Included in this one gif so I don’t waste any: the helicopter spin. This is so subtly iconic and I know I’ve read someone else point out the brilliance of this moment musically, but just let me throw in my own thoughts.

So on the lyrics “Sycamore trees”, that’s over two counts of music. T has her leg extended for one count, and S has his extended for two counts. The second count, with the sound of the music the key drops on “more”, so he continues that spin but goes to a bent supporting leg for the completion of the turn . Together they do the first part of the turn with their legs in second then S finishes it by ronding it derriere. It’s also the dynamics with the way he rounds his leg to the back… he ‘milks’ it to the end of the count.

They use A L L their music. Every single part of it. The counts, the notes, the accents, the syncopation, the breathes in the voices, the character of the voices. This is the brilliance of the choreography but a huge part of it is on VM to express the music like this- this kind of supreme musical expression is unique to VM- they hear music differently to most human beings-let alone figure skaters.

All these little indulgent body movements on the kind of ‘scats’ in the singing. They start off with accenting in the upper body, then as they need to get around the corner to be ready for the step sequence, they continue that same rhythm with their feet- they aren’t just doing the steps necessary to get them in the right spot, its like they’ve got that groove of the dance in their bodies and continue it from their upper bodies to their feet.

Its also how much they emphasise these accents. There’s one movement S does with his head, now he could’ve really thrown his head back, but instead he does a much smaller head movement that is just so perfect for the style of dance they are doing- its the restraint they show as much as it is the complete commitment and abandon to the moment.

The exact same thing a little later halfway through the non-touch step sequence (so I won’t gif it but you can go watch it). I know this got pointed out- I’m pretty sure by Kurt- about how S watches and reacts to T- its him watching her that informs how he does his steps-his steps are his reply to her- as if they were having a conversation - this is one of the biggest examples of Scott being a perfect partner. That they are doing the same choreographed steps but its performed like a conversation-letting her movement inform how he performs his.

The second half of the step sequence is just ….. i really can’t keep using the word perfect (insert the arthur fist clench meme that they were SCREWED on this score). All on one foot. The first few steps are again as if having a conversation he is responding to her saying “a huh, a huh, ok watch this” and they do that last twizzles, then…. PERFECTLY skid out along with Louie stretching out that “oohhhh” lyric, and S’s little shoulder shrug like “damn, you’re good”. (Also mirrors the skid in the finnstep that comes later). I’m not really the biggest fan of when figure skaters.. kinda acknowledge their surroundings mid program.. ie interacting with judges directly, using the boards.. but surprise surprise I love how vm do this here- they kinda go ‘oh shit, gonna run out of room’. I think again bc its so musical and is in the character of the dance it works.

This is a little off topic, but I, with all the in-depth blogging I’ve done on them, really haven’t appreciated: HOW FREAKING GOOD OF A SKATER IS TESSA!!!! Like.. of course, she’s the best ice dancer if all time, a 3x time oly champ, 5 olys medals, 3 world champs, some of the best skating skills ever, (I wrote this before their CSHOF speech) but I don’t even think of her as a skater, and yet Scott I do. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and even though I watch her skate on a daily basis, I don’t think of her as being part of the sport of skating.. like I can’t imagine hearing skating terminology come out of her mouth; worlds like ‘rocker’ ‘counter’ ‘spiral’ types of jumps.. I have heard her say ‘twizzles’ and ‘axel’ but it’s just this really weird thing that I don’t associate her with the sport. I probably do Scott bc he coaches, but VM together even I don’t see them as being part of that figure skating infrastructure.. its weird, maybe it’s a generational thing- like I don’t associate them with other famous skaters from before their time (that’s normal I think) but even other skaters in other disciplines from their time- Yuna, Mao, etc.. maybe bc I’ve studied them so long and feel close to them on a personal level, other skaters are more foreign to me but VM are just people. Its weird.

So when I really focus on T doing steps like this, its like ‘how does she do that’. Maybe its bc (and sorry I don’t mean this to sound pretentious) but I really relate to her and see a lot of myself in her, so if I imagine myself skating I wouldn’t have a clue what I was doing, so I think ‘but how can she do it?’

Ok, enough of that, that’s for me to work out in therapy (hahahahahhah 😅)

*MOMENT TO SAY HOW PERFECT THESE TWIZZLES WERE PLEASE GO WATCH THEM ON REPEAT*

The ending of the twizzles- that little clap scott added, as he watches her. (I really don’t like clapping in FS. Except VM- I’m bias you know that) They talked a little in the stupid show about the story of this program- though I feel that’s kinda just to set the scene of it- once that’s done they (maybe) and the audience can kinda let go of that very literal telling of them being on this date and he showed up late and he’s gotta try and charm her.. once that’s established they are really just performing- and I appreciate that bc a) it’s a sport and they have to get the required elements done, but also its not this cheesy, pantomime kinda thing- they perform as though they know the audience is smart enough to understand that without it being spoon fed the story, then they can just wow us all with their dancing. You could just so easily imagine them on stage doing this dance (a version of this dance) they could be on a broadway stage in tap shoes and these exact costumes performing this duet and they would not look out of place-they have such wonderful showmanship they almost look out of place in a sport arena- that’s how good they are! But as I’ve mentioned before, the way they approach their programs, from costumes to structure, seamlessly bridges this divide between the stage and arena-their costumes are athletic and do not impede their skating and also don’t look like idiots dressed in outrageous over the top costumes in a sports arena.

I can’t gif the whole finnstep pattern but god I’d love to!

Firstly a more general comment: and I’ve probably said this before, but something I really love about VM’s skating and all their programs (marina programs and Montreal programs) is the where they put and how they perform the set pattern within their short dances. Some teams I feel hide their patterns in the program by not using highlights in the music, not starting it at the start of a phrase of music, putting it in a weird/unnatural place within the program. I love how VM usually have a different track, and if not, brilliantly edited musical transitions into and out of their patterns. Here in DALD there is a fantastic, fanfare-like musical transition into the instrumental music for the Finnstep, there’s this ramp up to it.. and it’s like this incredibly satisfying beat drop moment as they start the first step in the pattern.

That sharpness of their heads on these first steps. The look to each other then the syncopated ‘down up’ I have watched this whole event but I can’t remember what every single team did, but I remember there were a few attempts to add heads and arm variants in here, but the majority were slower- not really with the music. VM’s is just right on with the style and musical accents. The coordination to do those heads while doing those steps is so hard, it’s so fast and there is so much to concentrate on.

Lastly on this gif is T’s twizzle. NO OTHER GIRL turned this fast. It is such a fast movement anyway, and so many fall behind on that musically. I don’t even know how T does it that fast- how her blades doesn’t stuck is beyond me (an example of why Scott said she is the greatest skater he has ever seen ✅). You can see S is giving her everything he can give her to do that turn super fast- strong hand/finger hold above her head, keeping a secure hold around her torso to keep her on centre, and he stays looking at her the whole time-there’s never a moment they aren’t communicating. The way they bring out the joy and lightness in this instrumental music with their skips and high jetes. THEY ARE ON ICE.. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE???

Sorry to get off topic again, but this is an example of how they work with their limited height difference: In this dance, they seem to have much more height differential. You can especially see that in her twizzle. I can’t comment on exactly how it works between them (and it’s all they’ve ever known) but I like to think S does an enormous amount of work in these pattern dances to make himself taller- he does this but ‘growing’ taller-not literally but in terms of elongating through his spine as much as possible without straining his neck and shoulders. He has superior posture (B A L L E T). His form in holding tessa is impeccable. He is supporting her and is so strong that he not being dragged down in supporting her, she in turn is so strong she could basically do all these steps un-partnered- she is not grasping onto him in the slightest. He is also just so light through his steps, he does not appear heavy. I’m sure off ice he has phenomenal balloné (bouancy in his jumps) so these steps can appear so easy and eleveated while completing every edge and turn to perfection (did you read that right judges!?!?!?)

Moving on..

The sharpness of their feet- T’s turns on the ‘5,6,7, and 8’ counts. (Im sorry I don’t know what the turns are called) but she goes ‘back, forward, back, pick’ its just soooo musical. Both their picks to cou de pied are exactly the same- same shape, same timing. Exquisite

The beautiful lean on those two crossovers as she passes under his arm, then the skid stop is so.. extreme, yet calculated. They are sooo good they can do the craziest shit on ice-not just do the required steps but push the boundaries of whats possible technically- something no other team since them has done. On these quick step flicks they just look stunning, the hold he has on her to make her appear so high and sparkling- not pushing her down.

Im obsessed with the slow, drawn out choctaws, then quick snappy twizzles.

These last steps on the diagonal (not part of the Finnstep pattern) where they hop on one leg and face each other is my favourite part of the program. Omg how precious. This is an incredibly mature program (as are all their competitive programs) but this moment here has such an essence of child-like joy and humour. It goes quick so you cant see their faces but I sense their smiles at each other here was a micro moment for them to look at each other out of character- one of those checking in moments. I don’t know, I just love it, its so pure.. also the addition of another quick step jeté- I think this might be there one there’s a picture of them mid air from Scott’s side so you can barely see T bc they are so in sync.

The button ending with that drop back. Right on the music. Just perfect. Then that little look he gives her like ‘damn straight kiddo’ 😏

It’s not just the dancing and the steps, but also musicality in terms of energy. They’ve just finished the finnstep which is probably the fastest of all the CD’s, then through their energy they tone it down to give layers to the program- this I think helps in making the SD feel like a free dance- that it is not just all one level for 2:50 minutes. I feel so many other teams and their their choreographers/coaches miss that in creating programs by not highlighting moments properly- there is no artistic transition out of the compulsory portion so it all blends into one. VM’s programs highlight all their elements without feeling like useless connecting steps between elements. So I love after the dip back, they have their kiss moment and the next little bit through Cheek to Cheek up till the lift is relatively more chill and indulgent- while not letting up/ having a break. Its like he’s won her over, he’s been so charming and can dance and treats her beautifully, now its just like, ‘ahh, how lovely’ now its about ‘dancing cheek to cheek’.

Their lifts are god tier. They are the best ice dance lifters to ever exist (along with best ice dancers everything else). I won’t go on about the technical aspect of it rn.

Everything that goes on before T gets into her scorpion (thats the position she’s in when he spins) is crazy, then once he starts rotating- the way his speed kinda revs up with the music. Its hard to here but there’s kinda this background ‘da da da da da’ that speeds up and they match it perfectly. Its incredible.

And lastly. I don’t think they had hit that ending right on the music all season, and here: they did perfectly! I think that was part of his ‘yes’ in the ending pose.

[mjalti]

are we required to forgive our parents when they apologize/try to do better? my mom and i had an absolutely awful relationship up until i moved away for college which is when she suddenly started being nice to me. she is mentally ill and traumatized so i can understand why she took out a lot of stuff on me, and i appreciate her trying to get better, but i am struggling so much to forgive her, move on, and accept this new version of her. i want her to stay as an awful hateful person in my head so i dont have to feel guilty when she tries to love me and i can't reciprocate it. i feel bad she doesn't have a daughter who loves her, but i didnt have a mother either. do i have to be the bigger person here?

the short answer is that No, you aren't "required" to forgive anyone for anything. her wanting to be better now doesn't negate the way she acted for years while you're growing up. your anger is valid, your hurt is valid, and in the coming days, the question that breeds resentment will rise, "why didn't she want to be better when it mattered?". That being said, you have to work on defining what you want from your mom NOW. I would really consider going to therapy to have someone help you navigate these waters. When the person who hurts you, asks for mercy, it can leave you feeling like the "villain" that this person has been for you all your life.

What I can tell you about forgiveness is this: it hurts. And when something hurts, we only want to go through it for someone we truly love. You do not love your mother in the traditional way. You cannot, because she was not a traditional mother to you.

If you are open to a relationship with her, you need to learn about boundaries, what they are, how to implement them, and when to enforce them. You need to have a conversation with your mom about why she cannot be a mother to you even now, but that you are open to have her being a friend eventually as long as she maintains her medication regimen & therapy for herself. Eventually considering family therapy together.

The answer to this question isn't a solid answer, so please dont pressure yourself to have an answer ready. The answer can literally be: I do not know, it depends on her behavior and her ability to take responsibility for her impact on me.

The thing about abuse is that it happens in minutes, hours, days, months, years. It cannot be forgiven with a "I'm sorry" once, twice, or three times. It has to be evened out in positive actions in minutes, hours, days, months, years. It has to be evened out. And then, at that point, you can ask yourself if you forgive her.

Trauma is generational, you are absolutely right to give her the grace of truth; you do not know what has happened to your mother or what she survived, how she became what she became. But your mother needs to come to terms with what happened. Your mother doesn't have a daughter who loves her because love isn't given; love is earned. Your mother never earned that love so she cannot lay claim to it.

Right now, open up google docs and write to the mother you hate, the one who hurt you and write down all the memories you can think of. Do it every evening for 2 weeks, write everything that you hated, what happened, how it made you feel, who was involved, and what the impact was on you. The child in you needs to be heard and you need to give her a platform in which to channel her emotions.

The story of trauma is complex but this cycle can end with you by you going to therapy, finding a compatible therapist & working through your childhood. Thank your baby-self for everything she learned to keep you safe, and tell her that some of these things no longer serve you so you have to let them go.

[bandofchimeras]

one nice bpd thing is when you've been thru the idealization and devaluation swing with a new FP and held awareness w yourself and....cooled off? without doing anything nutso like declaring undying Love or trying to banish them from your life.

then you get to hang out with them. and see how they actually are as a person outside your Brain Games. and they're just, cute or nice, or kinda dorky and flawed in some charming way. and it's like OOOOOHHH the idea I had of you in my head is no match, good or bad, for the reality of your humanness in the room with me.

(long post under the read more)

in earlier stages of recovery this settling into equilibrium always gave me the ick. bc my shame was so intense for my own humanness. being human is so stinky and sticky and crusty and mundane and broken sometimes. no wonder our minds make people into gods or demons when sitting with our very vulnerable human selves is so difficult. especially if you have never fully experienced unconditionally accepting love. ideas taste better than reality.

I begin to think that my BPD is rooted in a real fear and real experiences of being abandoned for being imperfect, or not fitting someone's preconceived expectations, or disappointing them in some way. it was hard to accept this bc I have done it to people too. and it is so painful.

but now the next step is finding a new framework for how to say "no" and have boundaries and prioritize people. BESIDES "oh you aren't what I thought you were."

which is a challenge specifically along the ADHD axis of low impulse control, memory issues and generally not understanding how much work is involved in tasks or relationships.... leading to either avoidance of them, or taking on too many.

this is a genuine disability that leads to poor energy management that impacts people I my life. and if people can love me, and they do, then what's between love and us is real barriers of communication and follow through, that can hopefully be addressed.

I really can't keep going through the swing of impulsive relationships that end with abandonment or never end in a tortured half alive state of limbo. it feels impossible to fully let go of anybody or be fully with anybody and that's where the pain comes from.

I think the image instability is related to ADHD object impermanence. I have to practice manually making my brain remember people exist when we aren't in same room, or I am not hyperfixated on them. if someone isn't in the Focus Zone I can still love them but they don't get attention. which....hmm maybe I conflate with love. because of that being such a big need for me.

i wonder if anyone without this disorder overthinks their relationships to this extent, and if they don't how they manage their energy to avoid so many painful patterns???

i do wish relationships took up less space in my life too and I had more ability to lean into hobby time. The unresolved emotions & cycles around interpersonal relationships feel like big heavy magnets that take my energy away from efforts in areas that would be more meaningful. They keep me looping around in specific thought patterns and stories unable to stay in physical reality long enough to complete anything.

I wonder what genuinely falling in love would be like with a person. instead of intense attachment feelings, developing a fondness and sense of compatibility with someone over time as you also become able to trust them. They would have to really love me and have a lot of patience to stick out these mood swings and thought distortions.

But hey that has to be possible because I am a person, and I am developing the patience to love myself!

What still hurts is the question: is there someone out there who will see me and go, he's worth it!. He's worth the trouble! Someone who I also felt love for, that would chose me not based on an idea of who I am but my actual reality. So I don't have to play a role or an image for them.

it's a painful question. but I have to believe maybe it's possible, and even if not, along the way there is plenty of love from animals and trees and community, and friends that will recognize my inherent worth as I learn to.

the borderline asks to be chosen, to be special. Without qualification. But the beauty of love is that everyone always has a choice to love. It's never permanent or guaranteed.

now, how to make peace with that!!!?

this has been a post on the intersection of ADHD, OCD and BPD from my experience.

[enneamage]

Not sure if you follow either cc enough to have a read, but any thoughts on how a possible relationship, platonic or otherwise, would look between ranboo and billzo. You typing the latter as a 2 surprised me but also kind of made sense with how he acts around ranboo vs. others. I think regardless of what they are to each other, he has a big soft spot for ranboo, and he likes being almost coddled by him beneath the banter.

Standard disclaimers apply, I’m working with very small scraps and I’m still a bit tentative about Billzo being a Two, but hopefully this is still interesting.

I won’t paste the whole page here but this page is useful as always. They literally mention that they might be better off as friends or working partners than dating, so that's a bit ominous, but I’ve also seen it work; I’m actually related to a married pair of Twos.

Using this as an opportunity to try and justify the Two verdict in my mind, Billzo actually does a very unconventional style of interpersonal intervention (I need to bust out the academic babble because ‘helping’ doesn’t make sense here.) Basically, he fights people.

Twos aren’t fans of feeling separated from people along arbitrary lines. This can manifest as them reaching in a humanitarian ‘a person is a person’ way. This can also manifest in them getting a little annoyed at the perceived formality of separation and wanting to bring other people ‘back down to earth.’ In short: Billzo will (fondly) fight you, and has a strong irreverent streak. As you can imagine, this can be hit-or-miss, because not everyone can tolerate the ‘loosen up’ treatment. (He may be used to being treated… a certain way, and may not fully understand that it’s not a standard that “should” be applied to other people, but that’s a guess on my part. England is wild.)

While Ranboo has some of this, he’s definitely more conventionally nice most of the time. He’s more caring and sensitive to peoples needs, but recently took a bunch of levels in standing up for himself. This has given him a bit more edge, but ultimately his teasing is playful. He’s exploring his freedom and finding his boundaries, both with himself and others, so there’s always room for error.

Billzo probably notices that Ranboo gives him the energy he won’t ask for directly. Billzo is a lot more scrappy than Ranboo, but because of his nature Ranboo might see through that more easily than other people. Billzo seems resistant to the concept of needing ‘care’ in general, and would probably cringe away from the direct suggestion of it, but that’s a classic problem for seemingly self-contained people.

They’re both in their flirty arcs right now, opting for one-to-one connection and audience showmanship to get emotional juice. They literally match each others energy and seem to really get a kick out of it. This makes them both compatible and competitive in a friendly way. Their ability to ‘sync up’ and either compliment each other or do the same thing at the same time makes them an interesting power couple, platonic or otherwise. While as an audience we see the high-energy moments, I’m willing to bet that they’ve got a good low-key emotional exchange between them as well.

A problem that I’ve seen double-Two pairings run into is when they feel redundant to each other. When they’re at mid-range health and deep in their habits, they want to give help / intervention / whathaveyou but would rather eat rocks than receive it. This can make them seem strangely hypocritical, even to each other. Some double-two pairings decide to… split the labor, if that makes sense? To be sure that they’ve both got the spaces that they shine. These two seem different enough that they won’t step on each others toes, but time will tell what happens.  

[maiditeasy]

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[hotdogdynamitezzz]

Hello! I just saw ur post and I'd love to participate in your event, but since I am new here I hope it won't be a problem 💗.

I'd love compatibility ratings for I and my crush. I hope I did this right lol (the chart with sun in gemini is mine and his sun is in sag)

OMG YASS I love compatibility ratings fr I am so so excited.

Okay let's start off with sun signs. The Gemini - Sagittarius polarity is one of my favorites and I ALWAYS see these two in committed long-term relationships. Like seriously these two sun signs cant get enough of each other because their lifestyles compliment one another so well. What's better than two curious signs that love to learn and the other loves to teach? And both are super fun and full of energy.

Moon in Aries square Moon in Capricorn can definitely bring a lot of attraction tbh. There's a need to understand and just be near each other with an intense emotional connection but you could also easily become frustrated with one another. However the difference in emotions and behavior is admirable between the two and because it's in cardinal signs your hard-working and ambitious sides are admired from both ends. Fire & Earth can clash because they are both stubborn and headstrong, but they both value each other's differences. Capricorn likes Aries moons passionate and initiative nature while Aries appreciates Capricorns grounded and rational personality that can guide Aries and work as a power duo

We have an Inconjunct or also known as Quincunx Mercury in Sagittarius against Mercury in Cancer. Now this isn't the worst inconjunction because I generally find Cancers emotional awareness and understanding communicative skills and perceptive abilities to fit Sagittarius Mercuries well as sometimes Sag can struggle with communication because Mercury is Detriment in Sagittarius so this can lead to avoidance or flighty communication skills, sometimes they can believe they're always right but Sagittarius mercuries are also really wise & insightful which pairs with Cancer mercuries well. They also think creatively and are down to pursue new topics quickly. So this inconjunction might bring conflict In terms of Cancers Mercuries cautious nature always making sure to be considerate before speaking and can dwell on topics sometimes. While Sagittarius Mercuries want to move on from potential arguments and not dwell on problems too much, they'd rather take initiative to solve them and can be too blunt for cancers liking.

In general tho I like the Cancer - Sagittarius axis cuz they just bring understanding and enrichment to one another. But this would definitely cause some conflict.

Next we Have Venus in Capricorn trine Venus in Taurus which is really nice. You both value loyalty, stability, sensuality & reliability in relationships and can easily provide that for one another. You're both goal oriented and very practical in relationships. It could start off as a slow burn relationship and is generally very compatible as two earth signs love to just chill with each other tbh lol.

Onto Mars we have another Trine between Mars in Libra & Mars in Gemini. Two air signs will loveeee passionate topics being discussed, naturally energetic conversations will come easily to you, when it comes to pda of any form it will be light and fluffy, often filled with giggles and jokes. You both have a lot of passion towards intellectual stimulating conversations 🥰

Overall rate Imma give this an 8/10 because the Mercury and Moon could come into conflict and aren't technically compatible but you also have A LOT of trines so the attraction and natural flow of shared values in relationships is very balanced.

[queeenpersephone]

Thank you so much for the headcanons!!! first of all YES I would love to hear your thoughts on the im2/cw parallels. Second, I'm really interested in any hcs/metas you might have regarding how and why Nat falls for Tony? Most fics tend to be from Tony's POV while Nat's perspective is left so secretive

ofc, i'm so happy you enjoyed them! okay, i'll do the parallels in a separate post (if you can make gifs hmu), but i love that you picked up on how much nat's perspective is underrated in ironwidow fic. here are a few reasons i think nat falls for tony (i'm going to have a separate them out into concrete vs. cerebral - might be an arbitrary distinction, but another way to think about it is initial attraction/everyday compatibility vs. deep love/moral and emotional alignment)

concrete reasons

tony's confidence. nat needs someone who has no qualms

physical experience. nat is experienced. she likes that tony is unapologetic about his sexuality.

he's a great conversationist. nat is witty as hell, and there's really no one else in the mcu that's as clever and quick with words as tony (maybe clint, but that's bff energy only). we have plenty of evidence that nat likes humor, likes tony's sense of humor (see: 'miss me, agent romanoff?') and i really don't think she would end up with someone who's not willing just to engage in some teasing. i really think tony would actively try to draw it out of her as well, which would further endear her.

cerebral reasons

tony's relentless hope. this is tony's best trait imo and it's one that pairs really nicely with nat’s suspicion and doubt of other people’s motives and abilities. 

tony has red in his ledger, and he wants to wipe it out. remember brucenat? the goal there was to draw a parallel between bruce and nat's mistakes, ignoring that tony and nat's pasts are actually more similar. they hurt people, they were able to realize that their lives were not truly their own and break free of it, they consider themselves at fault when they were at the machinations of powerful people, and now they want to spent their lives repenting. relationships happen between people who might be ostensibly different, but deeply share the same values. i think tony manifests it as a futurist, an idealist, where nat is more concrete and detailed, but they can also appreciate the opposite perspective. i just think nat recognizes a similar mindset in tony, likely before he did in her. she understands him, and she likes that he understands her. 

tony, i think, is very thoughtful in gift-giving and spending quality time. i just think he’d make an effort to appreciate nat’s russian heritage and love of the ballet. he 100% made her a ballet studio and she was instantly a little in love.

he appreciates her abilities and i hc him as the only one to note her genius in closing the portal in avengers 1, so much that i put it in a fic. more than that, though, he actively tries to improve her abilities - gadgets, etc. she definitely love when he excitedly bursts into her room to show her a widow bite update

finally: i think my usual hc about ironwidow getting together is post-cacw. here, nat falls for him because he doesn’t run away from the world. he sticks it out, he fights, he forgives, he tries his best to fix whatever he breaks. seeing tony’s hope (that she’s appreciated for years) turned onto her? onto the idea that they can be friends, be more? it’s irresistible. by hoping, by depending on her, tony makes nat better. who wouldn’t fall in love after that? 

[adapembroke]

The Best Self-Care Routine For Your Moon Sign

If you’ve ever read an article about self-care and felt like it was adventures in missing the point for you, you’re not alone. Just like one-size-fits-all clothes are a myth, one-size-fits-all self-care routines aren’t going to work for everyone.

In astrology, the moon describes the things you need to be happy. It is your personal recipe for comfort and well-being.

In this article, I talk about what a daily routine of self-care looks like for each of the astrological signs.

Moon in Aries

Aries is a stress magnet. With the moon in Aries, it’s essential for you to build activities into your routine that help burn off stress.

In the morning… Start your day with a quick yoga routine or an adaptogen-filled smoothie.

At work… It’s easy for you to fall into a bad posture or unconsciously clench your muscles when you’re stressed out at work. Make sure to take a few minutes throughout the day to stretch and move your body—especially if your job requires you to sit for long periods of time.

At lunch… Fuel up on food that will give you energy, and take a few minutes to do deep breathing exercises. If you have a hard time sitting still long enough to meditate, try taking a walk or doing a simple mindfulness practice.

After work… It’s important to communicate to your body when stress is over. If you find your work or your commute stressful, do something that marks the transition from work-time to home-time like changing your clothes or taking a shower.

On your days off… Look for adventures. You weren’t made to be bored, and there’s a big, wide world out there to explore.

Moon in Taurus

Earthy Taurus moons feel best when you are in your body, and it feels good. You weren’t born on this earth to be a stress-ball, and the more you lean into that, the happier you’ll be.

In the morning… Try to give yourself plenty of time to get through your morning routine. Taurus is a slow sign naturally, and you thrive on calm. Having a few minutes before you begin your day to drink your coffee before you have to start anything important will do a lot for your mood.

At work… Resist the temptation to give into productivity culture. You work best when you’re able to work at your own pace, even if that’s slow and steady. The time other people spend healing from burnout is time you can use to catch up.

At lunch… If there’s anything about your job that is physically uncomfortable, spend a few minutes getting away from that thing, if you can. Otherwise, eat something delicious and take a walk outside when the weather is nice.

After work… Take care of your body. Taurus is the most embodied sign in the zodiac, and it’s important for you to make time in your routine to feel good every day, even if it’s as simple as switching to the comfy shoes instead of the ones that pinch.

On your days off… Spend as much time as you can outside in nature. Taurus gets a lot from connecting with animals, so spend some time at the park watching people walk by with their dogs.

Moon in Gemini

Gemini is the sign of the conversationalist. Gemini moons are happiest when you feel like you are thinking quickly and on top of your game.

In the morning… Take a deep breath. You might be tempted to do All The things, but you don’t have to jump into everything right away. All you have to do right now is breathe.

At work… You might do your best work by going along with the task that is most immediate or urgent, but it’s important to remember that your priorities are important, too. Make a list of a few things you think are important to finish every day and do your best to make sure they don’t get lost.

At lunch… Talking with people is a very important emotional need for you. If you have a job that doesn’t allow you to talk to people while you’re working, reach out to a friend or grab a colleague for coffee.

After work… If you have a job that bores you, now is the time to stimulate your mind. Talk to people you find interesting or geek out about the thing you’re obsessed with at the moment.

On your days off… Socialize, socialize, socialize.

Moon in Cancer

Cancer is the sign of the nurturer, which means that it is extra important for you to take care of yourself. There’s a lot of pressure (especially on people of certain genders) to put everyone else’s priorities first, but you will do a better job taking care of others when you’re well taken care of first.

In the morning… Feed yourself. Literally. It sends a message to your body that you’re taking care of yourself.

At work… Honor your emotions, whatever they are. If it isn’t appropriate to express your feelings in front of your colleagues, there’s a reason the bathroom door has a lock on it.

At lunch… Find quiet if you can. If you can’t, a good pair of noise cancelling headphones works wonders.

After work… Reconnect with your feelings before you jump into anything. If your job is particularly stressful, be careful about making plans on work nights, or make sure you can back out of them. Sometimes self-care isn’t compatible with dinner parties.

On your days off… Schedule yourself some free-time alone. Ask yourself: If I was my best parent, what would I do with this time? Then do that thing.

Moon in Leo

Leo is the sign of the entertainer and the child. You have an emotional need to be seen, and you need to feel like you are making the people around you happy. When you are alone, creative self-expression feeds your soul.

In the morning… Put on something that feels like You. Other signs can get away with wearing the same gray dress slacks 6 days a week. (I’m looking at you, Capricorn.) You don’t have that luxury. A spontaneous smile when you look in the mirror is a must.

At work… You need to be in a job where your work is appreciated. If the people around you don’t get what you’re about, lunch breaks are for job hunting.

At lunch… Do something playful. Adult coloring books were made for Leo moons.

After work… If you’ve got social energy to burn, use it, baby!

On your days off… The best audience is a grateful audience. Take a few hours to volunteer for a cause you believe in.

Moon in Virgo

Virgo is famous for being a detail-oriented perfectionist. As a Virgo moon, you have an emotional need to feel like you have all your ducks in a row. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

In the morning… Get straight on your priorities. List making was made for Virgo moon mornings.

At work… Find yourself being especially critical of yourself (or someone else)? Make it a practice to notice three things you (or they) do right every day. You can do it. Honestly.

At lunch… Check in with yourself: How is that to-do list coming? If you’re feeling antsy because things aren’t getting done, reassess your plans and make peace with changes or set some boundaries on your afternoon.

After work… Make yourself a healthy dinner and get some exercise. …That isn’t the kind of indulgent self-care advice you usually get, but it will make you feel better.

On your days off… Connect with a craft. Anything that you really enjoy doing and can work on perfecting is good for the soul.

Moon in Libra

Libra is the sign of the scales, which means that feeling like you have balance and calm in your life is important for your emotional health.

In the morning… Get into your body and literally find your balance. Spending a minute in a one-legged yoga pose will tell your brain that it’s time to wake up and find your footing.

At work… People are going to look to you to be the peace maker. You can embrace this, or you can fight it, but your ability to see all sides of an issue is valuable. Allow yourself to shine.

At lunch… Look at your face in the mirror. If your best friend had that expression on their face, what advice would you give them? Go do that.

After work… Tend to your relationships. A healthy relationship is a happy Libra moon.

On your days off… Seek serenity, chase beauty, live poetically.

Moon in Scorpio

Scorpio is the sign of the psychologist and the sorcerer. No one feels their darkest emotions as strongly as a Scorpio moon. Tending to hard emotions is essential for your emotional health.

In the morning… Watch out for getting in the habit of waking up depressed, anxious, or angry. If you find that you’re in the same bad mood every morning, it doesn’t have to be that way. Change up your routine, and, if that doesn’t work, talk to your doctor.

At work… It can feel sometimes like you are a researcher behind a one-way mirror. You can see everyone else, but everyone else can’t see you. You can use this to your advantage. It can also make you invisible at times when people should be seeing the good work you’re doing. Make sure you’re using your super power intentionally.

At lunch… If your job denies you solitude, take it back during your breaks. Having times to sort through your feelings during the day is vital for Scorpio moons.

After work… Music is your best friend. If you have a commute, listening to music that resonates with your feelings (or, better, takes you to a better emotional place) will give you a much better evening.

On your days off… Connect with people who love your intensity. The cool kids are supposed to be easy-going, but there are people who value deep honesty. Treasure them when you find them.

Moon in Sagittarius

Sagittarius is the sign of the wanderer, the philosopher, and the student, and no sign understands that life is a journey better than Sagittarius moons. You have an emotional need to feel like life has meaning. Don’t let the cynical world out there put out your fire.

In the morning… If you don’t know the reason you got up this morning, figuring it out is the first thing on your to-do list.

At work… No matter what your job is, find some time to do something you’ve never done before, even if it’s finding out where they keep the big boxes of ketchup packets. Learning something new every day is key to your happiness.

At lunch… Do something that makes you happy. Taking a break to look at silly kitten pictures is a thing.

After work… Break up your routine and try something new. That new Ethiopian restaurant down the street really is calling your name.

On your days off… Explore, explore, explore.

Moon in Capricorn

Some of the other signs might not realize that you weren’t born wearing a business suit, but we know you have a big heart, Capricorn moon.

In the morning… The person who invented goal setting was probably a Capricorn moon. Feeling like you have a clear idea of the mountain you have to climb today is important to you.

At work… You don’t need advice. You’re a Capricorn.

At lunch… Be intentional about eating at your desk. Is it really helping, or does it just feel like it’s helping?

After work… Exists. If you let it.

On your days off… Take them.

Moon in Aquarius

Aquarius is the sign of the genius and the rebel. Aquarius moons have an emotional need to go against the crowd and do their own thing.

In the morning… If you can, try to wake up without an alarm. The feeling of starting the day on your terms will do a lot for your emotional state.

At work… Check your relationship with authority. If you are in a position where you need to take orders from someone you don’t respect, don’t underestimate the toll that will take on your emotional health, and account for that in your self-care practices.

At lunch… Think about the future. It’s something you probably enjoy doing anyway, and if you don’t like your current circumstances some healthy day-dreaming will help you make changes.

After work… Get back into your body. Aquarius’s favorite coping mechanism is dissociation, and it’s important to remember to stop when the need is gone.

On your days off… Do your own thing.

Moon in Pisces

Pisces is the sign of the mystic, the poet, and the open ocean. It is essential for Pisces moons to have free time to explore the mysteries of consciousness and Just Be.

In the morning… Start your day with meditation, even if it’s a few minutes staring out the window on the bus.

At work… Pisces has the ability to masquerade as other signs when necessary, but it’s important to remember who you are. When you’re starting to feel ungrounded lean into the place in your body that feels like the core of your being. Meditate on it for a minute. You’ll know what I’m talking about.

At lunch… Space out. If you don’t do it now, you’ll do it this afternoon. (You might do it this afternoon, anyway.)

After work… Have you meditated yet today?

On your days off… Sensory deprivation tanks were made for Pisces moons.

What about you? What’s your moon sign, and what are you doing to take care of yourself today?

If you’ve read this far, you’re pretty cool, I’d love for you to connect with me on Instagram and tell me about your plans.

Related Posts

[haifengg]

Pairing: NanamixGN!Reader

Note: I think I got this ask quite a while ago but due to my hiatus it got postponed a million times. Now that I am slowly coming back and am publishing the bits and pieces I wrote during being away this A-Z is finally leaving my drafts as well.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) Given his S/O is a sorcerer as well I think he would limit PDA at work to a minimum. Even if they are officially together or even married. He just likes to separate work and home. Tho it doesn’t mean that he is not making small intimate gestures at work like randomly dropping in with coffee or - when they are on a mission - sending a text asking how they are doing.

At home he is pretty affectionate. Randomly pulling them in for a hug, giving small back rubs when they are doing the dishes after he cooked. This kind of thing.

B = Before (What were they like when they had a crush?) Distant. Nanami would probably be a person who maybe actually mistakes the feeling for some other emotion at first. Leaving him confused about why he thinks about them so much. The poor man would likely be irritated every time they are nice to him. Why the heck doesn’t his heart stop pounding? And why is he suddenly excited to go to work? Disappointed when he is not assigned the same mission as them? Or - if they aren’t a sorcerer - sad when a mission takes him away from wherever he met them for too long?

C = Confession (What was their confession like?) Well-planned and straight forward. Nanami was already observing them for a while before making a move. Although he doesn’t actually confess it is pretty obvious when he likes someone because it happens so rarely. Just imagine him asking someone out for dinner. That gives away so much - don’t you agree?

D = Date (What was the first official date they went on?) If we don’t count the dinner mentioned above … I guess it would be something like a gallery. Nanami would definitely want to test his s/o’s taste in art because it tells a lot about a person’s character. What kind of art they prefer (paintings, photography, sculptures, … ) and how they look at it as well.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) Professionally. He would state the fact on why they aren’t compatible anymore and what made him draw this conclusion. I don’t think either one of them would cheat on the other mainly because Nanami wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone capable of doing that in the first place (I hope). He would sit down with his (not) s/o and talk it through. There might be tears on the other side but not on his. He thought about it a lot and made peace with his feelings before starting this conversation.

F = Fights (What would fights look like? What are things that upset them?) Kento barely looses his temper. And if he does I wouldn’t say that it is necessarily a bad thing. Getting him so worked up about something does only mean he cares. Fights would mostly be on the calmer/diplomatic side. He might be upset about something but there is no need for him to yell or anything. If the problem can be resolved just by talking about it - great! Why waste his precious energy on negative things, when he can use them elsewhere?

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) We all know - and all those rough sm*t fan fictions can’t proof me wrong - that he probably is the most gentle character in entire JJK. He despises the violence of his job therefore he doesn’t want to inflict pain or anything on anyone on his good side. Especially his S/O. Nanami has the most gentle touch, fleeing kisses, he will hold them tight but never smother them.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) As mentioned above: Tight and secure. Or soft. His S/O almost automatically buries their face in the crook of his neck because - who wouldn’t. Is there anything else I have to say about hugs by Nanami Kento? Yes. Am I able to put it into words? No. It’s just a very overwhelming feeling - that’s all.

I = Intimacy (What is their favorite form of intimacy? Do they have problems with it?) For him I think it would be things where they take care of him. While he shows his love through cooking and providing (which he takes a lot of pride from), he loves being taken care of as well. Maybe in departments he doesn’t know so much about. Like skincare. If his S/O teases him about his wrinkles and stern look he would gladly accept any advice in skincare from them, let them do their magic with face massages and serums. He doesn’t even care if it has any effect on his skin - he just loves the attention he gets and thrives on the feeling how much his S/O cares about him (and his skin apparently).

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) This one I am really indecisive about. I can see him get more jealous that we would expect him too - which would be a nice surprise tbh. But also not jealous at all because he is confident. Kento knows what his S/O likes about him and he also knows what separates him from other men. What makes him special. I think the times he gets jealous are the days he doesn’t get to spent with his S/O because of work or a mission. Which rather results in being mad at Jujutsu Tech than jealous of someone else.

K = Kisses (Are they a good kisser? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Forehead. Kisses. It doesn’t matter what height there S/O is. It is one of the most protective gestures and he enjoys giving those as much as his S/O enjoys receiving them.

The back of the hand cheesy kisses. Because they are his everything, he wants to treat them like it. Nanami knows it’s cheesy but neither one of them thinks too much about it. When they sit across the table, fingers sloppily interlocked on the table top, he occasionally picks up their hand and places a soft kiss on the back of it. Almost absent-minded.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) He is not very fond of them. Not saying that he won’t love and do everything for his own kids but other people’s kids are usually a nuisance for him. If they are loud or misbehaving he is really not having it. Though he would never lash out or raise his voice against them/their parents. ‘Children’ as in ‘his students’ … he always makes sure to treat them as children in a way he wants them safe/won’t put them in unnecessary danger.

M = Messages (How often do they text his S/O?) Kento strikes me as a kind of guy who doesn’t text often. Mostly because in his line of work sharing attention could easily be his downfall or worse. He will let his s/o know if he’s running late or occasionally ask if there is anything they need from the store or things like that but aside from practical messages he doesn’t text much.

Though if he is on a long mission and away from his s/o for quite a time span he usually rather calls them than text.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Nights as in ‘Nights Out’? Date nights? Well, he is a foodie so dinner is always a popular option. He takes the time to carefully research about the restaurant and the menu. If the rotate dishes, he will make sure they’re going at the exactly right season to get the best culinary experience possible.

Nanami is old fashioned. So he will hold the door for them, pull back the chair … helps them into their coat.

He also likes going to the movies. The intimacy of the dark theatre gives him the confidence to reach out for their hand or have his arm around their shoulder. Since he usually limits PDA in public this is exciting for him.

O = Opinion (Would they ask for their S/O’s opinion a lot? How important is it in terms of decisions?) Probably more than I would expect him too. Maybe not about the smaller things but decisions that involve the both of them he would definitely ask.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Due to the time he spends exposed to Gojo this man has the patience of a saint. Literally. He rarely snaps at his S/O.

Q = Quizzes (How does a bar trivia night teamed up with them look like?) Stressed. Yes, this man in very educated and cultured but imagine him sitting in a loud-ass bar, having to answer questions about the transformers or Megan Thee Stallion. Absolutely absurd. How old he must feel …

R = Remember (How much do they remember about their S/O or their relationship in general?) Not everything but a lot. He will remember little things they mentioned early on in the relationship and bring it up again later. He also uses this ability for presents and such. As well as in fights. If they think they can outtalk him with something you accusedly said or didn’t say some time ago - I suggest they surrender, because he will remember much better.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Very Protective. I mean yes, he knows that they can stand up for themselves but why should they have to do that if he is around? One of the big perks dating him is that he is who he is and that his presence confuses most people. So he might as well use it. Not so much in a physical way but rather in addressing the people bothering his S/O directly in the typical manner of his.

I think his understanding of being protected equals being taken care of which plays into the skincare thing I mentioned earlier. It is not so much physical procreation from danger but preserving a future together where one cares about the other deeply and only wants their best.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Medium effort. He prepares and researches but he rarely comes up with a new idea. He knows what he likes and his S/O probably does too. His work is so stressful and has close to no repetition so that he enjoys doing the same things on dates over and over. That does not mean it will get boring. Because Nanami sometimes thrives on going the extra mile. There is a restaurant across the country that he really wants to dine at? Buckle up - he is going on a vacation. Short trips or spa weekends are also things he appreciates.

Since he remembers dates and anniversaries well he is usually well prepared for those occasions. He puts a lot of thought into presents and barely ever gifts useless things. He does not like to have a lot of stuff laying around so what he gives to people usually serves a purpose.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as a S/O?) Literally everything I mentioned above. Namai Kento is a unique mix of all his traits. A very balanced person.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Well … he wears the same freaking suit everyday so … but yes I think cares about his looks and hygiene in general. As far as clothing goes he probably has one brand he is loyal too, which automatically sets his fashion style in stone as well. He has the same haircut for quite a while and sees no point in changing it.

Overall just the classic hetero dude who ones figured out what works for him and stuck with it. lol.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their S/O? Yes. His S/O is the other side of him. Is what balances his inner peace. Without them he worries too much, stresses too much. He needs them to tell him it’s going to be okay.

X = X-Ray (How transparent are they?) Nanami doesn’t actually tells them everything but will disclose if they ask. He just doesn’t think they are interested in small details about him.

Y = Yuck (Everyone has flaws. What is theirs?) He. Doesn’t. Do. The. Dishes.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) Kento never lets go of his S/O. Which can be annoying. And suffocating. Especially in summer. He is not clingy and they don’t fall asleep like this but in the morning he always spoons them or weirdly holds their hand. Sometimes toes interlocked lmao. Which makes them even more lonely when they are apart, because they got used to it way too quickly.

@kpopsnowball @soleilsuhh @jeonghanmoon @himitsu-luna

@sagedevans @shampoocifer @your-consulting-fangirl @gwynsapphire​

MASTERLIST

[inventors-fair]

Moral Support - Winners Circle!

I feel as though I say this every time, but this was genuinely a difficult week to choose winners. Commentary below the cut. - @teaxch

@fractured-infinity - Lethal recruitment

Army isn’t a type I think would have ever considered for this contest, but it functionally has a very strong mechanical identity, which allows for the card to tie in very neatly to the mechanics of the type. I love it when cards tell stories, and the story this card tells is very clear - the Zombie Army gets you, and you turn into a zombies. (A minor flavor nitpick with the art might be that the Dreadhorde doesn’t work this way, but I felt the flavor was strong enough for a Zombie Army in general that that could slide.) I also like that this card does no more than it needs to - it’s one clear idea, executed pretty cleanly.

One minor comment - the existing cards designed to support the Amassed Army don’t refer to Army - they refer to Zombie tokens, presumably for broader compatibility with the rest of Magic (including other cards in War of the Spark.) I think that Army is a defensible choice here, although it makes the card more all-in on specifically Amass.

@Rainy Season HERO Froppy - Helpful Contacts

Rogues have had a few mechanical identities; this card ties in with both ZNR’s milling theme for the tribe (albeit a bit indirectly) and with the elevated frequency with which rogues have flash. The major safety valve built into this card - the first-per-turn restriction - is really smart in that it both helps control the power of the card and invites players to look for ways to trigger it multiple times per turn cycle. The card is also mildly self-limiting as a card advantage engine, in that if you’re playing the things that you get off the top of your opponent’s library, you’re likely not triggering the ability, barring the unlikely scenario that you’re playing against another Rogue deck.

At first I wasn’t sure that the card needed the limitation that you control a Rogue to use the cards, but it gives colors that can’t answer enchantments a way to at least partially interact with the card, which is nice.

Depending on the density of Rogues in the environment, there’s a chance that this card may be a little too good at reducing the quality of an opponent’s draws, and it may need some other control - even just costing a little bit more. (Getting to use other people’s cards is a pretty polarizing mechanic.) On the other hand, it’s also an enchantment that has only a marginal effect on its own and demands significant building-around to generate any real value, so it may be fine.

I believe that RSHF is a first-time participant, as well!

@helloijustreadyourpost - Empowered by Faith

This card is a very clean and clear story of a relationship between two tribes. There were several multi-tribe entries this week, some batching the tribes together (including Sarpadian Diplomacy, above), and some depicting some sort of relationship between the two.

Mechanically, this card fits in naturally with what the expected role of humans and angels would be in a deck that plays both in quantity; humans are good at going wide early, and angels finish things off.

I think that the decision not to force a limited version of Convoke where only humans can participate is the correct one. It makes the card cleaner to read and more generally applicable without drifting too far away from the core story.

A risk with cards that give convoke to your spells is that it allows cheap creatures to convoke into each other; this card neatly avoids that by only granting the ability to creatures of a type that tends to be on the expensive side.

This card does require a fairly angel-dense environment to make sense, as it doesn’t do anything at all without angels, but the second-most-popular iconic has been given tribal mechanics in two separate sets on two separate worlds, so that’s not a big ask.

[whump-town]

A Wonderful Life

Why. Does. This. Fic. Just. Keep. Going.

I swear, the next chapter is the LAST chapter. I mean it. 

Warning: talk of a miscarriage 

Part one. Part two. Part three. 

Haley and Hotch were not the kind of couple that managed to get pregnant on accident. They tried for years, long before law school graduations, years with the district attorney, the academy, Seattle… Hotch was worming his way into a nice cozy profiling job when Haley got their first positive test. Dave was still around back then and he’d been overjoyed-- tripping over his own excitement at just the opportunity to see so much emotion out of his prodigy.

Two months later Dave was sleeping on the couch, the future ex-Mrs. Rossi in their bed, when he got the call. He’ll never forget how quickly Aaron worked to compartmentalize everything happening. Dave could hear him softly sniffling, rubbing at his face as he took back slip-ups. Brushing away any comfort Dave might try to provide. Considering the loss he just suffered as nothing-- not a baby, not even cells. Just a stupid, silly idea.

Haley stopped trying to getting him to grieve with her.

They stopped trying after that.

It’s entirely an accident. A slap to the face to the years they spent with their lives measured out on calendars, going to doctors, and throwing money at her uterus and his sperm to magically make them physically compatible. They had both grown desperate but in opposing ways.

He could not rest. Spent the nights tossing and turning.

Haley needed a child, wanted one with all her might. To love it and teach it all the best parts of the world. She wanted to see how something good and kind could come from the two of them. She held him close and imagined a child with his annoying curiosity and her stubborn streak. Of coming to greet him at the door and squint her eyes and inform him of the mischief his child has been into. So that he might spend hours telling that baby silly stories, catching them up way past bedtime having fallen asleep to his nth retelling of how they fell in love.

The announcement could not have come at a better time.

Haley had been at home when Jason Gideon made the call in Boston that would nearly kill her husband. She hadn’t felt it, no cosmic hand wrapping tightly around her heart to tell her that the other half of her soul, the only person she’s ever loved was in mortal peril. It had been Derek Morgan, standing numbly in an isolated hospital wing, watching her husband’s body be shocked back to life, having air forced into his lungs that had been her telling moment.

And there she was with the child she thought she might never have and a dying husband.

She put an expiration date on both their heads and waited. Prepared to bury her husband and lose the only part of him she has the ability to protect. But the days crawled by and she found herself listening to that little baby’s heartbeat, the same slow pace as Aaron’s. Neither died.

But Jack’s birth could only hold off Aaron’s inability to self-preserve minimally. He’d live to see his son’s birth and Haley was certain he’d get himself killed before Jack’s fifth birthday.

Jack’s developmental delays were a point of much dispute, having a lot to do with Hotch’s denial. Hotch had been the smallest in his class, in his age bracket until ninth grade-- spent years as skinny as a rail and not meeting healthy markers for children his age. Haley had, mercifully, bitten her tongue and hadn’t reminded him that why Jack is small and missing delays have nothing to do with why Hotch had. Jack isn’t being abused at home… he’s just autistic.

Their marriage, no matter how strongly they still loved each other, was going down the drain. The news of all this had been a cross of startling and... about as hard to miss as the broad side of a barn.

“Two is-- Two is a good age to get diagnosed.” Reid, like Emily and Morgan, mistook Hotch’s primary concern. Saw his disappointment, his unease and pinned it on Jack’s diagnosis. The autism. And Hotch had smiled, calmly allowing Reid a moment’s tangent to get out what he needs to say. To try and convince Hotch that autism isn’t the end of the world-- because Reid can’t handle it. If Hotch leaves, if Hotch disowns his own son-- the way Reid’s own father had not long after his own “off the books” diagnosis had been given-- he’s not sure he can handle that.

“Reid,” Hotch had softly, placed his hand on Reid’s arm. The faintest touch. “I love Jack. I’m-- I’m not the best father but…” He won’t leave. The autism he can handle, Jack’s always been Jack and that changes nothing but finally provides some answers. Some guidance where’d they had been left blind.

It felt like Hotch was never going to be given a second chance to prove himself wrong. They seemed to turn around and there George Foyet was. Knife in one hand leaving behind a zombified Hotch and Jack. They watched, unable to do anything to help. Jack wanted Hotch and only Hotch but it was like just seeing the boy physically hurt Hotch.

“He’s late.”

They all look forward to Wednesdays. The two hours that they have to just sit and relax-- to let Jack entertain them with his many interest and love for random things he finds on their desks to play with. So they don’t take too kindly to Hotch coming in late and stealing their Jack time.

Emily glances at the clock at the bottom of her computer screen and shakes her head. Her stomach sinks as she realizes that they’re not just late, they’re nearly forty-five minutes late. Hotch abides by a strict, self-imposed schedule one made of utmost importance by Jack’s own intermingled schedule. She rolls her eyes, though, at Morgan rather than admit that it scares her just a little.

“It’s been raining,” JJ reminds them confidently. “I’m sure they’re out catching frogs in the parking lot or looking for washed-up rocks.”

Frogs. Right, Jack loves frogs. He hates to hold them but thoroughly enjoys chasing them and watching his father squirm and fight to hold them. It is pretty funny though, Aaron Hotchner scrambling to keep a tiny frog in one of his hands. Ending up slightly mud-stained, disheveled all to wrangle a frog.

It’s… humanizing (cute but she wouldn’t be caught dead calling the likes of dumbass Aaron Hotchner “cute”).

Morgan yawns, stretching out his arms high above his head. “I’m sure we have nothing to worry about,” he shrugs, tampering off the end of his yawn with the back of his hand. It’s far more likely that they’re getting breakfast-- the two of them love muffins. It wouldn’t be the first time that Hotch has stopped to get breakfast. If that goes in their favor, he’ll probably bring them some too. That’s not to say they’re not walking down the hall right now, Hotch trying to be as patient as possible as Jack hops down the hall.

Besides, if there was anything to worry about Dave would have gotten a call. If not for the simplicity of one of Hotch’s stories-- some long-winded, exasperated thing about Jack weighing down his pockets with rocks, Jack having a bad morning and he’s not going to be in for a few more minutes because he had to clean oatmeal off of himself and kitchen floor. Then, at the very least, something.

Yet, they have only radio silence.

Which is good.

Probably.

“Any word from Monsieur Crabbyass this fine morning?”

David Rossi has always been fascinated with the relationship between Emily and everyone else on the team-- though his typical interest is in the utter insubordination that occurs so effortlessly and flawlessly between Hotch and Emily. Naturally, it’s on his mind. He can’t consider the week complete until they’ve both stormed into his office to whine about the other. It makes him reconsider why came back.

It’s for that fact that he knows this is going to crush her the most.

Morgan and Hotch go about like a match to a candle wick. Burning one another to the ground. Things between them don’t go unsaid. If there’s an issue they get to it and neither can walk away until their hands are clear.

JJ and Hotch make the perfect parental tag team. So much of what they do is hidden but the thoughtless, mechanical way the two work together is never taken for granted. If shit hits the fan, those two are who you want.

Garcia and Hotch may not get a lot of time but they know she’s his soft spot.

Reid and Hotch are the strangest carbon copy of one another venturing to having a little too much in common to nothing at all.

Emily and Hotch have far too much left unsaid. Tension and, what he believes, to be penance for the courses of action they have both taken. In her inability to trust the team, running from them and forcing Hotch to kill her to protect her. His distance from them, which she has always read as distrust and tinged with his ego. Neither are as simple as they prefer to pretend to perceive themselves to be.

Not as mysterious either.

Leaving him, standing on the catwalk watching her little joke hit the others with fond laughter. Monsieur Crabbyass. That’s a good one and Aaron is probably never going to hear it. Never clench his jaw and glare to the side, forcing himself not to react and admit that it’s actually kind of funny.

Dave watches over them for another moment, taking in their innocence. Emily still snickering at her own joke, Garcia and JJ both shaking their heads at her. Morgan shakes his head but there’s no hiding his own amused smirk.

“He’s not coming in.” Dave clears his throat, “there was an accident on the way here this morning.” He can’t even get out what he needs to say, they’re already trying to talk over him. “Jack alright,” he’s standing there, trying to get his piece out. “Jessica’s already made her way to the hospital, sitting with Jack. He’s hardly got a scratch.”

There’s general ease that settles them with the relief that Jack is fine.

“And Hotch?”

On life support.

Laying in the intensive care unit with defibrillator sticky pads on his chest, waiting for the next episode of tachycardia to have the nurses and doctors of the unit holding their breath. Wondering just how many more times his body can take them beating the shit out of it or if he’ll come back this time.  How many more times can he toe that line before he can’t come back?

“I--” Derek is standing numbly at his desk. Arms limp at his side. “What are-- Is Jack-- Jack is alright? How? Can we-- Will they let us back-- back to see him? They have to let us back to see him, right?”

To see what?

That his body is laid out on a stretcher bare of blankets and pillows. Neck held still by a brace. Jaw titled back and pale, cracked lips stretched around an incubation tube. The hiss of which fills the small empty room. To see that he’s covered in crisp white bandages, wrapped delicately around the purple bruises up and down his ribs. His unstable, flail chest.

To see the x-rays?

To have a doctor stand and explain the damage, the history of Aaron Hotchner’s bones. Old cracks and improperly healed aches. By forty, it’s easy to assume that the ghosts of childhood have long since lost their grasp, but today they nearly cost him his life. A decade worth of cheap shots to his sides, his father’s angry tyrannical downpours wore down the bones.

When he hit the steering wheel, those old bones never stood a chance. They gave out on him.

And what of Jack?

It’s one thing to have those words written out “In the event of my death…” but those are just words to be said. Never meant to be used. Jessica doesn’t understand all of Jack’s charts. She won’t ask him what color his socks are and let him weigh his pants down with rocks and carry him when he gets tired. She won’t get muddy and slimy to chase down frogs. But Jack and everything he owns (aside from some silly knick-knacks and stupid things he thought better to go to Morgan or maybe Garcia) go to Jessica Brooks.

In the event of my death…

“If he’s still alive by the time that we get there… it’s unlikely that they let anyone aside from family back.”

They stand in the silence of that. Of the implication. Does a single one of them know how to do any of this without him? Morgan doesn’t want to be fucking Unit Chief. He got his taste, he’s done. And, the most surprising part is that the somber, truth omission of what they are all thinking comes from Emily Prentiss. Righting her shoulders like she’s standing in front of the nurses and defending them right now.

“But we are his family.”

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Azula x female reader series: Part 6

Azula learns details about your relationship with Zuko and is furious leaving you isolated in a dangerous situation with few allies. You learn Zuko’s plan to escape during the eclipse and are torn between telling Azula or escaping with Zuko. Azula feels betrayed and no longer trusts you but do you give up on her that easily?

Tag list: @saucy-sapphic @justastranger-passing @azulasprincess @888-rising @sighsam @theblueslytherin @lucyrocks86 @halcyon-arts

Part One here

Part Two here

Part Three here

Part Four here

Part Five here

----

Your POV

"So that was a good effort" Zuko said breaking the awkward silence that settled as soon as you walked into his room. You managed not to roll your eyes as you moved about the room readying it for the night. Your training sessions were usually okay but today you'd done particularly bad and you were feeling hopeless you'd ever get better. "Seriously" Zuko said offering you a small smile "you're a new bender it will take time". Your practice sessions had been numerous, Zuko was suprisingly enthusiastic about training you but you hadn't been showing much improvement. He tried teaching you how his uncle taught him but the technique wasn’t compatible with you or something because you’d barely been able to match any of his stances. "Maybe I’m just not that good" you shrugged "you and Azula are royals it makes sense you’re such strong fire benders". Zuko went quiet at the mention of Azula and you scolded yourself for bringing her up, you weren’t meant to do that but you were seeing her tonight so she was on your mind. "Yes well..' Zuko started when there was a knock at the door. "Dammit I was supposed to meet Mai a while ago" Zuko frowned "y/n hide". "What?" You asked confused. "Things with Mai have been difficult lately" Zuko said awkwardly "she’s still not happy you’re my maid and if she sees you she’ll know we’ve been training and it will make her mad, so can you hide?". You nodded ignoring the blush on Zuko’s cheeks and looked for a spot. "Under the bed?" Zuko offered and you frowned "why don’t you just tell her what happened? We were training and lost track of time, maybe if you tell her the truth she won’t be mad". Zuko was thinking it over in his head when she knocked again and he jumped. "She won’t understand so please just hide y/n, I’ll tell her I’m coming soon and get her to leave". You sighed but nodded and rolled under the bed. Zuko sighed with relief and turned the door handle "I'm so sorry Ma..." he started but he stopped abruptly and you heard a voice that was certainly not Mai's. "I dont know what youre apologising for but im sure it's justified”.

Azula's POV

Azula loved catching her brother off guard and it seemed she had done just that. She waited until she was sure you'd have left the training room and came to Zuko's room. Azula wasn’t really sure why she was here, she hadn’t arranged this with you and it wasn’t that she didn’t trust you or anything. She just wanted proof nothing was going on, to see you two together in a non formal setting and see for herself what your relationship with her brother was like. Azula walked into the room amused Zuko looked so angry. She looked around for you but noticed you weren’t here, she imagined you were hiding and that sparked doubt in her mind. If Zuko was hiding you from Mai he must have a reason....

"Azula what do you want I'm late to meet Mai". Azula smirked turning to face him "she's already angry at you zuzu I doubt being late can make matters much worse between you, I don’t think anything can really". Zuko turned red in anger and embarrassment and Azula continued "how was your training session by the way? You’ve been having a lot of them lately haven’t you?". "None of your buisness" Zuko snapped "now get out". "My my not in a good mood" Azula replied "I’m only here for y/n". "Y/n?" Zuko asked and Azula nodded "yeah you know your maid..that's her name". "I know who she is!" Zuko snapped "but what do you want with her?". Azula smirked but she noticed another thing she didn’t like, the suspicion and anger Zuko showed at the mention of your name. "None of your buisness" Azula mimicked Zuko "have you seen her or not? I was sure she'd be here for some reason...seems she's been spending a lot of time with you according to the servants, I’m glad you've made a friend Zuko but if she works for you does it really count?". "You’re one to talk" Zuko spat and Azula frowned confused "I am?". "The way you've treated y/n, is it no wonder she likes me better?". Ow that hit a sensitive spot. What did he mean? Azula wondered. How dare he insinuate you liked him more. It wasn’t true and Azula knew that but it still made her nervous. "and how have I treated the maid brother?" Azula asked her temper already growing. "She told me all of it" zuko explained "how you blackmailed her to be loyal to you! How you lied and manipulated her, used whatever emotions she had for you for your own gain, how she never did any of it because she wanted to but because you made her! Honestly you're a monster". It wasn’t the first time Azula had been called a monster but it was the first time in relation to you so it stung. "And i’m supposed to believe y/n trusted you enough to confess this all?" Azula asked. Zuko nodded "i promised her i’d keep her safe from you and she confessed it all, everything I said came from her lips directly, she hates you Azula but she’s not scared of you anymore, because you can’t touch her now, she’s my maid and you can’t boss her around anymore". Azula was so shocked it took her a while to think of a witty response. You'd really told Zuko all of that about her? Did you really feel that way? How could you say it to Zuko of all people? All Azula wanted to do was run away but she couldn’t, she spun to Zuko and decided to let her anger out on him. "You think she’s untouachble? Nobody is" Azula spat "I am the best fire bender this nation has seen in aeons, you know i can beat you zuzu, speak to me like that again and I’ll give you a scar to match the one father did!". Zuko grunted and lunged for her but Azula was ready, lightning danced on her hands and she aimed. Zuko ducked and it hit his wall instead narrowly missing him. Zuko stared as the spot he’d just been stood on now smoked and Azula smiled satisfied. "Next time I won’t miss" and slammed the door.

Your POV

You made your way down the coridoor still shocked from the events in Zuko’s room. You couldn’t believe the horrible things Zuko had said but for Azula to fire lighning at him. She could have killed Zuko, murdered her brother over an argument. You reminded yourself she missed on purpose, she would never actually kill Zuko...not over something so petty as this anyway. Azula surely didn’t really believe you meant all the things you’d told Zuko, she surely knew it was all for the mission she’s assigned you and understood. You pushed open the door to your room and saw Azula stood there. The look she gave you told you, you’d been wrong. Azula turned to face you her face showing anger as she looked at you. It intimidated you and weeks ago you’d have been terrified but this was Azula, your Azula. You could reason with her and explain everything. She’s listen to you.

Azula’s POV

Azula felt she’d been very understanding. She’d allowed the private training sessions, she understood letting Zuko teach you fire bending and she hadn’t even got angry when you’d accidentally shown Zuko your abilities. What Azula couldn’t get over however was you creating this bad relationship for Zuko’s benefit. Azula watched as you stepped into the room and waited to see if you’d speak first. She was suprised you looked her straight in the eye as you went to speak “Azula I know you’re angry...”. “Of course I’m angry” Azula burst “how long have you been telling Zuko horrible stories about me”. “Well since the day he found out I was a firebender but they were all lies Azula”. “They’re not lies to Zuko, he thinks they’re true...you must’ve been pretty convincing, maybe they weren’t all lies”. “Of course they were Azula! I just made him think i disliked you so he’d trust me, he wouldn’t trust me any other way” you argued. “You couldn’t think of any other way besides bad mouthing me to my worst enemy? To someone I’ve despised since being a child?” Azula asked. “You wanted me to get close to Zuko” you cried “you asked me to do this and so I did, it’s clearly worked”. “No, I seem to recall telling you I could find another way y/n, that I’d use another plan, after your...slip up. I didn’t ask you to carry this on, you carried it on y/n and this is the way you chose to do it”.

The worst part was Azula could actually see the logic to your plan. Zuko hadn’t thought fondly of Azula since she’d learnt to walk, it was instinct for him to blame and hate her, to believe she was a cruel person. And yes Azula had been rude and cruel to many servants so the story would been easily believed but she had been nice to you, nicer than she was to her own friends! She’d protected you, trusted you and even grown to care for you more than she ever had for anyone else. You didn’t need rescuing from her, least of all by zuko but that was the story you’d sold him. As everyone did, even your mind made Azula the villan and Zuko the hero. Azula was snapped out of her rumination when you spoke. "Azula..." you tried again "please I was just doing it for the mission, I didn’t want to have ruined your plan, I wanted to salvage it by any means necessary, it’s working really well but I will stop if you want me to, I won’t keep up this act with Zuko anymore". “I think it’s a bit late for that” Azula snapped “you’ve already convinced Zuko I’m a monster to you and you’ve convinced me that what you really think of me”. “But Azula..” you tried but she cut you off aware she had to end this conversation now while she had control over her emotions. “No” she said raising her voice “the deal is off”. As Azula said those words she felt them hang in the air and saw your face change as you registered what she was saying. “I no longer want you to try and learn Zuko’s secrets, I don’t want you to report back to me, I don’t want to see or hear from you again” she yelled.

Your POV

Azula’s voice rang in the air and you stared at her. You felt scared, shock and sad but mainly angry. Azula had been fine with complicating your job by making you a spy, by making you lose the respect of your colleagues, by making the royals all despise you as a servant girl trying to sleep her way to the top and was only annoyed when Zuko believed a lie about her. "But it’s not true" you cried "Azula you know that! I know that! Who cares what zuko thinks? You’re throwing all this away because of him?". “This is not about Zuko y/n this is about you and I no longer trust or want to be around you”. Azula turned to leave and your anger turned to desperation.  "Azula you don’t have to do this" you said reaching for her but she spun around brushing your hand away "who are you to tell me what i have or don’t have to do? I am the princess of the biggest kingdom in the world and you are a mere servant! You don’t speak to me that way ever!". You lowered your eyes and tried not to show how upset her words left you. A mere servant? How many times had Azula told you that you were more than that? And now she was pulling that all away, she was leaving you with Zuko in the middle of a web you’d spun on her orders, you’d manipulated Zuko and almost ruined his relationship on her orders and now she was abandoning you to it. Again as always Azula seemed to read your mind “have fun with zu zu y/n, he’s all you have left” and she stormed from the room.

1 week later

Your POV

"The room is prepared Prince Zuko" you declared. Zuko looked around shocked, you hadn’t been working long but it was true you’d done all he’d asked. He looked around for another job for you to do to make you stay but couldn’t spot any. You been cold and distant as of late and Zuko didn’t like it. "Is there anything else you require?" You asked. Zuko shook his head "no that is fine y/n" and you nodded going for the door. "Wait" Zuko called as your hand touched the door handle. Your shoulders slumped but you turned around passively "yes?". "Y/n are you okay?" Zuko asked. You wanted to scream that question seemed so stupid. Instead you just nodded your head "yes Prince Zuko". You were itching for him to leave you alone but Zuko wasn’t giving up that easy. "No you’re not" he replied. You shrugged not having the energy to argue and Zuko sighed "is it Azula?". You wanted to tell anyone it hurt so much but instead you met his eyes and calmly shook your head "no". Zuko frowned but you didn’t look away from his stare and he sighed "so what is it? You cancelled our training sessions for a reason! And i’ve noticed you’ve been sad y/n, I do notice other people besides myself you know!". You swallowed scared to comment and Zuko frowned again "is it the rumours about us?”. Again you were unsure how to comment, you didn’t want to encourage him or at the same time offend him, he was your employer and the only friend you had left now. "Rumours?" You asked playing dumb and Zuko rolled his eyes "i know you’re aware of them I think everyone is, they all think my interest in you is physical and unprofessional, is that why you’ve distanced yourself from me? If so y/n yo don’t have to I can stop the rumours and we can go back to training". "It’s not about you" you burst before you could stop yourself "I’m not worried my colleagues all despise me or think bad things about me, I dont care the nobels all think I am seducing you for power, I don’t care what they whisper about us as we pass" you burst. You wanted to add the most important one, that you didn’t care Azula didn’t like you anymore but knew that was a lie. Zuko stared at you shocked and you realised you’d just shouted at the heir to the throne and your only ally. "Prince Zuko i’m so sorry..." you started but he cut you off. "No it’s okay I pushed you it’s I who should apologise...but we are friends y/n you can tell me these things". You nodded your head “thank you” but made no move to carry on talking. "You are not happy" Zuko said thoughtfully and he turned to face you. You shrugged in response not seeing the point in denying it anymore. “what if i told you I could help get you away from this? From here?" Zuko asked. You looked at him shocked but truthfully you’d been expecting to be dismissed now Azula didn’t want you here but still it hurt. Regardless you handled it with composure and nodded "where will you resassign me?". "Reassign you?" Zuko asked surpised "y/n i don’t want to send you away!". "You don’t? Then what would you do?" you asked frowning. Zuko paused looking around to make sure his door was closed and lowered his voice “I’m planning on leaving soon and I could take you with me if you wanted". You paused shocked at this statement "you’re deserting the fire nation?” Zuko flushed "well i wouldn’t call it that but yes i guess i am but I never should’ve come back here, it was a mistake, I have to get out of here". "And you’d take me with you?" You asked "why?". Zuko paused "well we know the rumours aren’t true but my family doesn't, if I disappear they will interrogate all those close to me and they’ll turn to you, when I think of what they’ll do to get answers from you, my father alone will...." zuko trailed off before shaking his head "I don’t want to leave you behind to deal with the consequences of my actions, I could sneak you out with me...you could get away from this all if you came with me...what do you think?" Zuko asked. “This is a very kind offer Zuko” you frowned. “But...?” he asked sensing you weren’t totally on board with this plan. Leaving with Zuko would get you out of your situation but something was stopping you. Azula. If you left that would be it for your chances of reconciling what you had with her, you would prove to her she was right and you’d be another person who chose Zuko over her. You’d ruin all you’d had and maybe even Azula. You sighed and looked at Zuko "can i think about it?". Zuko nodded "of course, think it over but don’t take too long y/n the escape is in 2 days".

Azula’s POV

The day of the eclipse was fast approaching and the whole palace was busy  finalising plans. Azula too was rushed off her feet ensuring the barracks were sufficient and she’d liked to have said it distracted her from what happened but it only put it off. Azula could go all day without thinking about it or wondering what was happening right now between you and Zuko but as soon as the silence settled or the planning was done it all came back. She’d hear your voice as you told her you didn’t mean it, how you tried to explain your actions away by blaming them on her. It still made her angry. She heard Zuko’s voice as he told her all you’d said and his promise to keep you safe from him. Azula would give up trying to sleep as the voices got too loud and go back to planning whatever she had left to plan. She double checked, triple checked everything but still she found an excuse to keep her mind from thinking but there were some ocassions she couldn’t help. Azula entered the dining room expecting to see her father and Zuko but saw Mai and Ty Lee instead. To be fair Zuko had been avoiding Azula so she didn’t expect him to be here but she thought her father would want to see her before the move to the barracks. “Where’s my father?” Azula barked and Mai shrugged but Ty Lee tried to smile “we’re not sure but we we’re summonded here instead. Nobody else has shown up so guess this is all ours” Ty Lee smiled looking at the food. Azula grunted but took a seat, she had nowhere else to be, she hadn’t realised how much time she’s spent with you until she cut you out of her life. “We were just talking about the move tomorrow” Ty Lee explained although Azula hadn’t asked “I was saying how I’m jealous Mai’s family got such a good spot! Then again I guess it’s understandable, Zuko probably put a good word in” Ty Lee said making Mai smile slightly. Azula had heard things had improved with Zuko and Mai, she guessed now you were no longer making things difficult Zuko had been forgiven and it was like it had never happened. That made Azula angry, she had lost her plan, her favourite maid, her only confidant, her well...whatever you two had been to one another all because of Zuko and he was happy while Azula was alone and miserable as always. Well not if she could help it, Azula was guessing Zuko hadn’t told Mai everything....

“Yes I’ve heard Zuko’s been keeping his favourites close to his chest lately”. Ty Lee shot Azula a wary look but Mai narrowed her eyes “what does that mean?”. “Ow nothing” Azula smirked “I mean you and Zuko have moved passed that whole buisness I’d hate to drag things back up...”. “Tell me” Mai snapped and when Azula raised an eyebrow she sighed “please”. Azula smirked “well it’s nothing really just that night you and Zuko went to go watch the ember island players and he was late...well he was with the maid. I went to his room to tell him father needed to speak with him and he thought I was you, he had her hid under the bed so you wouldn’t see her. He was late for your date because he was busy with another woman”. Mai slammed her cutlery down and stood up so suddenly the table shook. She threw her chair back and strode out of the room. Azula grinned watching and Ty Lee frowned at her. “Did you have to do that?” Ty Lee asked. “I think she should know my brothers cheating on her, would you rather I lie to her like he’s doing?”. “No but you didn’t have to tell her like that” Ty Lee sighed “it was just mean” and she stood up going after Mai. Azula brushed of Ty Lee’s comment, everyone thought she was mean, evil, a monster so why shouldn’t she act like one? Azula savoured her win over Zuko and smirked thinking about what Mai would do to him but the happiness was short lived. Azula looked around the now empty room and felt the familair pang of loneliness she’s felt growing since she’d dismissed you. It just seemed to be getting worse and if ruining Zuko’s happiness couldn’t even get rid of it could anything? She swallowed hard and stood up, she should get back to work.

Your POV

“Those boxes need going to Prince Zuko’s private room in the baracks” you told the servants who had come to help you move Zuko’s belongings to the bunkers for safety during the eclipse. It was all for show really, Zuko was planning on leaving during the eclipse so wouldn’t really need a room in the baracks but you had to pretend he’d be there the whole time. You’d organised all his possessions and managed to save the few he would need on him when he made his escape without arousing suspicion. You still hadn’t decided if to stay or go and time was running out to put it off any longer. The servants all got to work helping you automatically but none of them would look at you. You knew most were scared of you, they figured you had Zuko’s ear and they weren’t wrong you supposed but it was in a different way than they thought. You picked up a stack of boxes too, determined to show them all you weren’t just Zuko’s accesory and led the way to the barracks. You hadn’t gone far down the coridoor when someone came around the corner. Mai and Ty Lee appeared and they seemed to be arguing or atleast Mai was, she was walking ahead as Ty Lee tried to keep up and seemed angry. You hoped they wouldn’t look up and almost made it past them when Mai’s eyes fixed on you you felt your heart stop. “Stop” she called and all the servants halted. Ty Lee was saying something to her, sje seemed to be begging her not do this but Mai didn’t seem to be listening. She looked at the boxes you were carrying clearly marked as Zuko’s things and that seemed to make her angrier. You always found the girl terrifying but now she looked plain evil. The look she sent you told you she wanted you dead, no worse than dead. “Leave us” she spat at the servants. They were all too happy to leave and rushed off, even plucking the boxes from your hands as they passed leaving you very much on your own. You instantly feared what Mai was going to do to you. You thought her and Zuko had made up since you’d distanced yourself from him but apparently Mai wasn’t ready to move on. Ty lee watched Mai stare at you and frowned “Mai don’t...". Ty Lee go" Mai said her voice flat "i wish to speak to the servant alone". Ty Lee looked at Mai but sighed seeing Mai’s eyes were fixed on you unmoving. Ty Lee looked upset but obediently turned and walked back the way she’d come. Mai stared at you and then moved forwards soundlessly and you instinctively went to step back. “Does Zuko often hide you in his room everytime I visit or just when he’s already an hour late to our date?” Mai asked. You paused confused why Mai was bringing this up now, that night was ages ago why was she angry about it now? Mai didn’t seem to care what you had to say though and carried “do either of you think you’re fooling anyone? Do you think the rumours of the two of you haven’t reach us all? That we don’t know you’re together?”. You stared at Mai not wanting to move, breath or do anything to anger her any more.  "Do you deny it?" she asked stepping closer again and you backed up into the wall. You looked at her helplessly, what could you say? You couldn’t tell her you were just training with Zuko, she’s definitely tell Ozai to have you thrown out of her life for good. "You should speak to Prince Zuko" you told her shakily "I don’t know what I’m allowed to say". Mai gripped you so suddenly you would’ve flinched but her grip didn’t permit it. She had a hand of your throat and the other on a knife you hadn’t even seen her draw. "Not allowed" she spat "acting now like you’re someone who follows all the rules! What being Azula’s pet wasn’t enough to make you feel special you had to have Zuko too? Bet you brag to all your little servant friends, think you’re going to secure your place here through Zuko and some bastard child?". You shook your head "no Mai! That’s not what I want!". Mai only hissed slightly pressing on your neck harder "I should kill you both for the insult to me!". "Mai it’s not what you think" you couldn’t help saying "please talk to Zuko!". "Zuko?" she spat "you dare be so casual about him to me!". You paled more "no Mai i’m sorry, I just meant...". "I always had my doubts, i knew you couldn’t be trusted, i knew Azula did this on purpose, I bet she told you to do this didn’t she? You think you have no choice but we all have choices y/n and you made yours". Mai raised her knife and you closed your eyes ready for her to kill you. Seconds passed and nothing happened. You opened your eyes to see Mai staring at you hard, her face unreadable. You could barely breathe, she was deciding what to do with your life. Finally she let go and you collapsed back against the wall gasping. You looked up at Mai shocked and saw her fist just as it came down and punched you straight in the face. You cried out and fell down against the wall as blood trickled down your face. Mai straightenned looking at you with disgust "you can tell Zuko i gave you that, if he thinks i’ll allow him to keep doing this to me with you he’s wrong, tell him we’re done, I think it should come from you" she said with a twitch of her lip "also tell Zuko to make sure I don’t ever see you again, if I do I won’t be so forgiving, you’ve both been warned" she spat before she turned and left. You breathed haggerdly your heart pounding as you pressed your sleeve to your nose. You were terrified of Mai but also couldn’t help feel sorry for her. If Zuko had just trusted her with your secret or found a less provocative cover none of this would’ve happneed. Now you had an assassin ready to kill you the next time she saw you and your only escape was with Azula’s brother. The bleeding stopped and you stood up slowly. You either stayed and got killed or left with Zuko abandoning Azula here. You wiped away the blood and carried on walking. If you were going to be killed by staying here for Azula you’d atleast do what she hired you to do.

It was early in the morning and you moved through the palace taking back routes so nobody would see you. You didn’t want what you were about to do getting back to Zuko. You went to knock on the door to Azula’s room when it suddenly opened. You’d been prepared to see Azula but still after not seeing her for a week you felt your heart speed up in anticipation but it wasn’t Azula behind the door. “Ow” Ty Lee frowned seeing you and you stared at her. Azula never entertained her friends in her own room and especially not at this time in the morning. You got suspicious and jealous as your mind worked overtime to work out why Ty Lee was there in Azula’s room at this time of day but you couldn’t think of a plausible solution. “Can I help you?” Ty Lee asked and you heard Azula ask who she was talking to. Azula appeared beside Ty Lee and stopped midsentence when she saw it was you “ow”. Shaking away your jealousy you remembered why you’d come here "I need to speak to Princess Azula" you spoke clearly and slowly. Ty Lee looked to Azula whose face was a mask. "Well i'd love to chat about laundry or mopping floors but I’m busy" Azula said going to shut the door. "Please" you said forcefully meeting Azula’s eye "it’s important”. Azula’s face changed as she met your eye and you saw her nervously look to Ty Lee as if making sure her friend wasn’t getting suspicious there had been any sort of relationship between you. "Go" Azula told Ty Lee "I’ll just see what this is about?". Ty Lee nodded “Okay” and Azula watched until she was gone and turned to you.

Azula’s POV

"Well I suppose you should come inside" Azula snapped "I won’t do this is the hallway, what were you thinking coming to be so publically?" She scolded you as the door shut behind you. "I had to" you said annoyed "it’s urgent". Azula rolled her eyes "what’s so urgent?". Azula had been expecting an attempt to get back together or confession of how much you’d missed her. Instead it was nothing about her. "I know what Zuko’s planning". Azula paused unsure if she’d heard you correctly "what?". "I know what Zuko’s planning" you repeated. So she hadn’t imagined that, you’d actually said what she'd dreamt of you saying for ages. Well true more recently she dreamt more of you giving a grand apology that justified forgiving you but that wasn’t going to happen. "Well what is it?" Azula asked as silence settled and you frowned at her. Azula was aware she'd been the one to pause but she hadn’t seen you in a while and you seemed annoyingly fine. Sure you hadn’t looked at her when you first spoke but you’d practically demnded to speak with her, even infront of Ty Lee too. You’d grown confident and Azula could even tell now by how you snapped back at her or only just caught your eye rolls, you weren’t afraid of her anymore. That both annoyed and pleased her. Caught up in her thoughts Azula almost missed what you’d said. "Zuko’s escaping?" she repeated "tomorrow?". You nodded your head "during the eclipse, that’s what he’s been planning". Azula noticed you looked guilty and her jealousy rose again "so why tell me and betray your precious Zuko?" Azula asked aware she sounded childish but she didn’t care. You actually did roll your eyes this time "I know you don’t believe I didn’t mean the things I said to Zuko but i didn’t Azula, I did all of this to get you this information and well it seemed pointless to not tell you so here i am". Silence settled and Azula felt miffed, your answer hadn’t been what she expected at all. "Well if that is all you can go" Azula said coldly turning away. You fixed your eyes on her in disbelief and Azula felt a mixture of anger and guilt. How dare you look at her like she was the bad guy here. She had told you to drop this and didn’t owe you anything. But as you turned to leave Azula got a sinking feeling, this felt final...you’d said this was happening in 24 hours, that was so soon. Why had you told her? Azula knew her brother, he wouldn’t leave you behind. No he’d take you with him and yet you still told her. Was it just because of loyalty to her or had you wanted to see her? To prove you were on her side? Azula frowned, if she told her father Zuko would be imprisoned or killed and you would be dragged down with him, especially when she was forced to reveal where she got this information from. Azula was still angry and confused at you but she didn’t want to be the cause of your death. She couldn’t be even if it did mean bringing down her brother...could she?.

Your POV

The talk with Azula hadn't cleared anything up for you it just made you feel guilty for betraying zuko. You been split by your loyalty to both of them but your feelings for Azula won you over and all for nothing. Azula hadn't responded how you'd wanted her to and now Zuko was going to suffer for your lapse in judgement. You decided you were going to tell him, apologise and maybe convince him to leave early while he still could and so has been waiting in his room for him to return all morning. You were unpacking the last of his belongings while you waited when the door suddenly opened. "Zuko we need to talk" you started but stopped dead in your tracks to see Azula stood there. “Azula? what are you doing here?”. "Well i heard Mai’s got a bounty out for your head so figured you'd be hiding out in here". You paused but realised she hadn't really answered your question “That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here”. Azula huffed at your tone but carried on “I don’t have long the war meeting starts soon so just let me talk”. You pouted but nodded for Azula to go on. “This escape plan?” Azula asked “the one taking place tomorrow, my brother has extended the invitation to you hasn’t he?”. You paused and Azula nodded “I knew it”. “He has” you tried to explain “but i...” but Azula wasn’t listening. “I am not bothered about Zuko being here or not” Azula explained “I will do you this one thing y/n, I will not tell my father about Zuko’s plan to give you the chance to escape, but as soon as you are out of here I will have to hunt down my brother". "Azula" you tried to explain but she cut you off "no just listen, i will have to do that y/n whether i want to or not so my advice to you is to escape and get away from him, leave Zuko as soon as you can and head for the colonies, you can get away there and be safe I won't follow you there”. “Azula” you said annoyed but she carried on “of course you'll need to find work and money to survive, you could steal some of Zuko’s possessions to help start you off, or even ask him for them I’m sure he won’t mind and use the money to build a life in the colonies...”. “Azula” you yelled and she stopped looking at you clearly annoyed “what?”. "I’m not going with Zuko" you told her and she frowned.  "Well why not?" She asked exasperatedly and you sighed "I’m not leaving with zuko, I can’t, not after all I’ve done to him” you sighed and saw Azula roll her eyes. “And I know you think that's stupid” you said noticing her expression “but Zuko isn’t as bad as I thought he’d be and don’t take that personally Azula just because I don't hate Zuko doesn’t mean I dislike you”. Azula pouted and you shook your head ”I feel gulity for what I did to him but that’s not the main reason I’m not leaving” You told Azula “I’ve lied and manipulated Zuko and yes i feel bad for doing it but I did all that for you  because you needed me to do it and well I’d pretty much do anything for you". Azula paused taken back and unsure how to respond just blurted "so why does that mean you can't leave?". You smirked slightly at Azula's blunt response and smiled "because if I leave I‘ll be leaving you here alone, and i know you don’t trust me or even like me but I don’t want to do that Azula, I won’t leave you here alone, I promised you I’d be here for you Azula and so there’s no way I’m leaving you, I won’t, not even if you command me to". 

Azula’s POV

Azula was taken back by your confession and all the emotions it made her feel. She felt scared, vulnerable, angry at you for not saying it sooner, suspicious, confused why you still felt this for her but mainly she felt hopeful. What you said made her excited, it made her feel warm and happy, something she hadn’t felt since she'd parted from you. She felt safe. Azula stared at you softly and you paused "so yeah...you don’t have to reply but i just wanted you to know that". You looked down and turned away “you should go, the meeting will have started now”. Azula reacted too slowly and when she went to call your name tell you not to leave you’d already gone. Azula moved to follow you but the door behind her opened and her father appeared "Azula?" Ozai asked "what are you doing in here? Are you ready for the meeting?". She nodded although her eyes kept flickering to the door you'd just walk out of and she itched to follow you. "Azula!" her father snapped and reluctantly Azula followed him.  

All through the meeting Azula couldn’t concentrate, all she could think about was what you said and how much that meant to her. And more importantly how she couldn't let anything happen to you. As soon as the meeting was over Azula grabbed zuko "i need to talk to you". He glared at her pulling his arm away and it took everything in her body not to just yank his arm and force him to speak to her. "please" she said through gritted teeth and Zuko raised his eyebrows but followed her out of pure shock. As soon as he shut the door Azula started to talk. "You have to take y/n with you" Azula told Zuko and he paused eyes wide "what?"."When you leave tomorrow" she explained. "How do you..." zuko started but Azula cut him off "it doesn't matter, what matters is I know y/n doesn’t want to go but you have to make her! By any means possible". Zuko glared "I’m not forcing her to do anything Azula". Azula sighed angrily he didn't understand. "Zuko if you disappear and she stays do you have any idea what will happen to her? Can your small brain even comprehend what father will do to get information out of her?". "I know that" Zuko snapped and Azula glared "so what's the problem?" She snapped back "she doesn't leave with you then she gets hurt! Or worse! You think your life is worth more than hers! That you can run away and be happy knowing you did that to her?". "No..." zuko frowned and Azula nodded "then make her leave with you! Get her out of the palace and away from here, you have to! Scare her, pay her, guilt her! I don't care what it is just save her!". Zuko stared at Azula shocked to see his sister so desperate. In all his life he'd never seen her so scared, so worried about someone who wasn't herself. "You care about her?" Zuko said shocked "like really care for her". Azula rolled her eyes annoyed it had taken her family this long to notice "just do as i say Zuko, if she get's hurt because of you i'll...". "Got it" Zuko nodded "I'll try and get her to safety Azula I promise". Azula nodded her head suprised she was once pleased with Zuko and grateful for him. "Good" she nodded "i guess it's a good thing I didn't kill you when we were kids". Zuko frowned "thanks?". "You're welcome" Azula nodded before walking away.

Your POV

Zuko knew you wanted to speak to him by the way you kept fiddling with the sleeve of your uniform. Zuko had grown suspicious of you since his meeting with Azula and figured he’d just start the ball rolling. "You told Azula about our escape plan didn't you?" Zuko asked and you froze. Guilt overcame you and you spun around "Zuko I’m so sorry". Zuko nodded his head in recognition but wouldn’t look at you "I suppose it’s okay, she's not going to stop us so it hasn’t changed anything...".  "I know but i feel so bad, I could’ve got you caught or worse by telling her, i don’t know what I was expecting to happen when I told her...I don’t know what I wanted from it" you sighed but zuko frowned. "I think i know why you did it, i think Azula does too...I never realised you were...you're close aren’t you?". You sighed but nodded "I mean I thought we were but I’m not so sure anymore". "That’s why you don't want to leave isn’t it?" Zuko asked "you don’t want to leave her". You were terrified to admit it but also it felt so good just to confess your feelings. "Yes, I can't leave her Zuko, i know you don’t like her but she's not like you think she is...I can't leave her behind to deal with this this all alone". Zuko frowned "well she actually asked me to get you out of here". "She asked you that?" You said suprised Azula went to Zuko for help of all people! Zuko nodded "I’ve never seen her care for anyone before but she was certain I had to get you to leave with me, I think she’s scared of what will happen to you once im gone and I am too y/n". You were grateful and touched Azula and Zuko both cared about you so much but it didn't change your mind. "I can't Zuko" you sighed firmly "I guess Azula won’t be happy but I haven’t changed my decision I can’t leave her behind I...I just can’t". Zuko nodded "I understand, well I don’t but I won’t force you". You smiled sadly "thank you for helping me though I never thought i’d grow to count you as a friend but I did, I just hope i haven’t ruined everything". Zuko shook his head "I don’t like what you did but i get it...you did it for Azula because of how much you like her". You blushed but nodded "still it doesn’t excuse what i did and I’m sorry". Zuko smiled softly and placed a hand on your arm "you're forgiven y/n". 

The escape had gone fairly smoothly. You wanted to see Zuko off so waited by the airships for him when sure enough he appeared out of breath and shaken but he looked fine. “It went okay with your father?” you asked noticing the smell of burning on him. “As well as I expected” Zuko nodded as you passsed him his supplies and the keys to the airship. Zuko took them from you and paused “You still won’t come with me?” Zuko asked and you shook your head smiling sadly  “no”. “You know what they’ll do to you?” Zuko warned you “are you sure you’re willing to accept that?”. You nodded your head “just hurry up and overthrow your father”. Zuko smiled but it was a sad smile and he sighed “y/n...”. “Go” you said hearing the sounds of someone approaching “now!”. Zuko nodded and turned to the airship when Azula appeared. “Honestly I ask one thing of you and you even fail at that” Azula snapped. Zuko looked just as suprised as you that Azula was here. “Azula why are you here?” Zuko asked as if unsure if she was here to help or stop him from leaving. “I came to make sure you got y/n to go with you but as usual you failed”. I won’t force her” Zuko glared “unlike you I don’t just ignore what my friends want”. Azula rolled her eyes “this isn’t a difference in opinion Zuko this is her life you’re letting her throw away” Azula snapped and you stepped inbetween them. “Azula stop, you can’t blame Zuko for this it’s my decision”. Azula finally looked at you and her expression confused you because she genuinely looked scared, something you’d never seen on her face before. “But it’s a stupid decision, do you know what my father will do to you? What I wont be able to stop?”. “I know” you nodded and Azula groaned “so go!” she yelled “run now! disappear! I won’t blame you y/n you have my blessing to do this”. “Sweet as that is I don’t care” you replied. Azula glared at you “you’re going even if I have to put you on the ship myself!”. Zuko watched amazed as you stepped towards Azula and she didn’t back away or push you back. "I told you i’m not leaving" you told her "there no way you’ll get me on that ship atleast not without you". Azula shook her head, you couldn't be serious. "Y/n you have to leave because you’re in danger i’m not" she told you “please go”. Azula stared at you willing you to say yes but you couldn’t. You gently touched her arm and lowered you tone “Azula you know that’s not true, you’re not safe here none of you are”. "You don’t know what youre talking about" Azula glared and you frowned feeling her tense. “Azula your father burned Zuko for speaking out of turn as a child! He’s neglected you emotionally since you were an infant! He sent you out alone across the world to capture the avatar and pitted you and Zuko against one another just because he could! He uses you because you’re valuable not because he values you, you are in danger here Azula just like me and that’s why I’m not going anywhere unless you’re with me". “That’s ridiculous” Azula muttered “my father would never harm me...Zuko was wrong to do what he did...I won’t make a mistake like that ever”. You smiled sadly “you don’t know that Azula and if you do how would your father react?”. Azula flinched away from you and turned so her back was to you “no I can’t”. Azula walked away from you and stood cradling her arms, the sight almost broke you but you had to do this, you were so close.  “Azula” you said softly and she shook her head “stop it y/n”. “Azula please come with me”. She didn’t reply so you walked closer "Even if you think you’re safe here you’re not happy here Azula" you told her "i know you’re not, and that’s not fair Azula”. Azula looked at you and you could see there were tears in her eyes. “I know you’re scared and so am I” you nodded “this life is all we know but it isn’t all thats out there Azula, there’s more for you...for both of us besides this” you said gesturing to the palace “you deserve better than this Azula, you deserve to be happy and loved and appreciated and if we leave we can find all that, we can have all that! All you need to do is come with me" you said standing inches away from here. “Please Azula come with me” you begged hand outstreteched. The silence stretched out and the tension was thick in the air. You held your breath waiting for Azula’s reply, not even contemplating what it would mean if she said no. You lowered your eyes figuring Azula didn’t want to come with you when she moved so quickly it made you jump. Azula grabbed your hand and nodded softly her eyes fixed on you “Let’s go”. 

Epilogue 

You, Azula and Zuko fled the firenation and helped Zuko find the avatar as he planned. From there though you seperated from Zuko. Azula was still torn by her decision to abandon the life she’s knew and joining the rebels didn’t help her process that decision so together you left. You followed Azula’s plan of traveling to the fire nation colonies. It was a rough journey but together you avoided detection and made it to a quiet village where you could lay low. The news from the war was continuous and not easy for Azula to hear. She was struggling to come to terms with what she had done, she’d always planned every inch of her life but now she was without a plan, without a role, without a clear path. Azula considered going back numerous times, not because she missed her father or felt guilty for what she’d done but because she couldn’t see how she could just be Azula and not the firenation princess or a prodogy bender. But each time the thought of leaving you stopped her and you helped her adjust the best you could, reassuring her it was going to be okay and it would all work out. Once the war was won you didn’t have to hide away and Zuko helped you aquire the help Azula needed. Azula started trying to work on herself and you helped her unpack all her unconscious beliefs and traumas. It was hard work and there were many arguments and bad days but you were there for every breakdown, every outburst, every insecurity and you worked through them together. You never wanted Azula to feel alone ever again.  As the months passed azula adjusted more to the idea of just being herself, not a weapon, not a firebending prodogy, not an opponent to her brother, just Azula. And you helped her see being just Azula was good enough, brilliant actually.

10 years later

You sat down in your garden on the bench you'd made a few years ago and smiled. The summer was coming to an end and while it was still warm it was a more relaxed heat you could happily enjoy. You closed your eyes feeling the sun on your face and enjoyed the smells of your garden when you felt someone sit next to you. Azula eased into the bench beside you and rested her arm around the back of your chair as she always did. You smiled placing your hand on her knee out of habit and looked at her. "We've been living here for 10 years now but the view still gets me on days like this" Azula smiled "it’s beautiful". You nodded just watching Azula and admired how content she looked. Azula was still the same strong willed confident woman but she was different now. She was no longer terrified of not being good enough, no longer chasing approval or using manipulation and anger as her weapons. Azula felt your gaze and looked over at you "what?". "Nothing" you smiled lowering your eyes. You both knew you'd been caught admiring her. Azula smirked and rested her head against yours "moments like this feel perfect" Azula smiled "and they only happened because of you". You shook your head "not just me, you chose to come with me, you made that leap not me". "Well yes but I did it for you mostly" Azula shrugged "so it was...inspired by you?" Azula asked and you smiled. "Fine I’ll accept that" you rolled your eyes making Azula grin. "Thank you" Azula said softly watching the turtle ducks in your pond "I don't think I say it enough". "You don't need to thank me" you smiled "I did it for you and being here seeing you be happy and grow as a person...that’s all the thanks I need". Azula blushed, something you still found adorable after all this time, and smiled "well still thank you, you saved me and made me the person i am i'll never forget that...ever" she told you holding your face. You blushed too and Azula smirked. She leant in to kiss you when your gate screeched and you heard a small voice. "Aunt azula! Aunt y/n were here!" Izumi yelled and Azula grinned. "About time!" Azula called "did you dad get lost again?" she asked scooping Izumi up into her arms making her laugh. "Yeah" Izumi giggled "mom’s angry he wouldn’t ask for directions just because he’s the firelord". You chuckled and waved to Zuko and Mai who were in sight at the bottom of the path. "Did you miss me?" Izumi asked and you smiled resting an arm on Azula's back "of course we did" you grinned "our favourite niece". "I'm your only niece" Izumi smirked jumping from Azula to you and you laughed "true but you're still our favourite" and tickled her. Izumi laughed and Azula smiled at the two of you. Izumi ran off to her parents and Azula followed. You stood watching your family and smiled as Azula and Zuko greeted each other warmly and Azula hugged mai like the old friend she was. The sun caught Azula’s face as she laughed at a joke Mai made and her eyes glowed as they had years ago when you'd first started dating. You smiled just seeing her smile and felt the familiar warm happy feeling in your chest. You were both safe, happy and together, still in love after all these years and you couldn’t picture it any other way, your life with Azula was perfect.

-----

So that’s it!!! Sorry it was suppppper long I just had so much to write about Azula! I know the ending might be a bit optimistic or idealistic for Azula but I want Azula to be happy and loved so don’t really care. Plus with help support and therapy I think Azula could totally live a healthy happy life and overcome all her past trauma so wrote that. Thanks for all the likes and support!! I’ve really enjoyed this series and it’s been great to see so many Azula fans are out there. Thanks again!! 

[lizacstuff]

Bölüm 45 asks

Plus a few asks from 44, and one about the fragman for 46

Read more under the cut

Anonymous asked: I cannot believe that Ayse revived the "Kemal is Serkan's real father" theory but I think I'm down for it? At least now Kiraz has one decent grandparent and he seems like genuinely nice man. I've been wishing for him to have some scenes with Serkan because the way they set up this S2 plot, they could relate to one another and I was sad to see that he spent 5 years hiding instead

I'm down for this plot! See, now that I know they're doing the long-lost-father plot, it makes all the sense in the world why Serkan doesn't like Kemal and they didn't forge a relationship in the last five years. If they had, then finding out he's his dad would have been a lot less jarring and dramatic. Finding out now and then forging the relationship I think will be a bit more meaty story so it works for me.

To me this story works on a lot of levels, and makes sense with who Serkan is and his very strained relationship with Alptekin. It's like Alptekin sensed it, and resented Serkan his whole life. For those worried that Serkan will no longer have the last name Bolat, I'm not sure where that's coming from. Maybe I'm just not familiar with other cultures, but that is his name, Alptekin raised him, adults don't just up and change their name because of genetics. If you're adopted and you meet your bio dad as an adult, you don't change your name to your bio dad's.

Serkan's name is very much a part of his identity. Which is why this story has so much potential, because it could shake Serkan to his very core to find out who he thought he was, was wrong. He thought he was unlovable, most importantly maybe he'll finally realize there was more at play there and it wasn't at fault.

Anonymous asked: There were a couple things in the last episode that didn't sit well with me. 1. I can't believe Eda made Serkan sleep outside at night and didn't feel bad in the morning when she realized he got sick! 2. The way Seyfi announced Aydan and Kemal's secret relationship. It wasn't his secret to tell, though Aydan did deserve the way everyone reacted. So I got over that pretty quick. 3. Burak!!! He's not the one for Melo. She deserves better and if they end up together in the end, I'm gonna protest.

1. Unless you're going to put the same energy into not believing that Serkan had the gal to remove his bed on the floor as a way to maneuver himself into Eda's bed before she was ready, I really can't relate. It was done for comedy, my advice is to unclench and just giggle along.

2. Or you could look at it as being unfair of Aydan to burden Seyfi with that secret and require he lie to his other employer for five years. I mean I don't disagree that it wasn't his secret to tell, but Aydan had plenty of chances, and it was time for it to come out.

3. This one we are in 100% agreement about. MELO DESERVES BETTER. I will die on this hill.

Anonymous asked: Hi! Do you think Serkan actually believes in Kerem's abilities (he trusts Eda's faith in Kerem) or is this part of his plan to win Eda back? Either way I'm okay, just wondering what you think.

No, I do not think he gained a sudden belief in Kerem's abilities, but I do think he believes in Eda. And if Eda believes in Kerem then when push comes to shove that is enough for Serkan. Of course, he did it as part of his plan to win Eda back. Serkan is taking every opportunity to let Eda know that he respects her and believes in her and I think this was another example of that. There was also an aspect of him trying to win over another person in Eda's circle who was suspicious of him. The fewer people he has working against him, the better! He knows he has no shot with Burak or Ayfer, so this episode he worked on Melo and Kerem. But mostly it was him trying to make Eda's life easier, by smoothing over a personnel problem she was having, thus making working out of Art Life a more attractive option for her. All of those things in one!

Anonymous asked: What do you think about Eda and Piril's friendship? This episode really highlighted how close they've gotten.

Yes, they have gotten close, and I'm happy Eda has a friend, but at the same time I don't trust Piril. This is a woman who discarded Eda and embraced Selin when she was manipulating and abusing a brain-damaged Serkan.

Eda might be able to forget, but I can't. Also as a character she's just boring, rigid and humorless. One of my least favorites on screen.

That being said I do like the triad dynamic of Kiraz/Can, Serkan/Engin, and Eda/Piril, it was fun when they were calling each other at the same time.

Anonymous asked: Idk if they reached out to Maya just because she looked like Hande considering she had no acting experience, but this little girl is like the best casting I've seen. The chemistry with Hande and Kerem is amazing. She's so expressive. I am a Kiraz stan.

She's doing a fantastic job, precious thing! I have no idea how they found her, I know she was an instagram model, but the SCK casting director strikes again. This season doesn't work if we don't fall in love with Kiraz. Thankfully, we did!

Anonymous asked: Hi! Since it seems that we will have 13 episodes, do you think that Edser reconciliation/wedding will be left for the finale, 12-13 ep? Cause Ayse loves to drag and keep them apart.

I think the wedding might be closer to the end, but I think reconciliation will be a bit sooner than that.

However, I have to say that it's really not like they're apart.. is it? I mean this episode we had them living together, sort of casually planning their future together. Next episode we have them pretending to be married and ramping up the sexual tension to white-hot-sun levels, these are all good things. With episodes like this, I don't personally consider the show dragging it out.

In fandom I see a lot of peeps upset because Eda isn't getting immediately back with Serkan and I am feeling inpatient as well, do you think the writers are making a mistake keeping them apart?

Again, I guess my response to you is, by what definition was this episode "keeping them apart?"

Yes, they aren't having sex, but they are living together, working together, raising their daughter together, and I'm a-okay with having a couple of delicious episodes of that while they are still not fully back together romantically. Let's be real, they're still waking up in bed together, flirting, and having a romantic dinner together, so it's not like things aren't moving forward, they are. I'd advise putting aside your impatience, and just sit back, relax, and let the story take its course. There is no need to be anxious with this one. They are going to end up with their happily ever after together, but what we're seeing right now is delightful. It's them in family and domestic situations, them with their child. Most shippers only dream of getting to see this.

This sort of goes back to my stance on episodes 16-24, I know that was a frustrating time for a lot of fans because they were "broken up" but I've always said they may have been officially broken up, but they were in a committed relationship that entire time. And I enjoyed those episodes from that perspective, that tension of them being "apart" but still functioning as a unit and still being emotionally tied together underneath it all. There's kind of a similar situation here, they aren't officially back together, Eda is resisting him, but they are in a committed relationship and I don't understand what the need is to rush through this part? Enjoy the sexual tension of them living together, but not sleeping together. Enjoy the rom com romp of Serkan trying to get in her bed, and Eda taking steps to keep him out. Enjoy their daughter putting them in situations that force them into close proximity, and enjoy them falling into easy compatibility without even trying. Enjoy Serkan planning romantic dinners, and Eda enjoying it despite her every effort to protect her heart.

To me this is very good stuff, and spending this time being impatient and wanting what didn't happen yet, instead of enjoying what did happen is pretty much the recipe for unhappiness not just with this show, but life.

Anonymous asked: i feel like i've seen the exact same frustrations ppl have had with eda right now back around the 20s too after serkan told her about her parents' secret. it was like, now that he's told her the truth, she should automatically forgive him and get back together. same thing happening here, with him accepting his role as kiraz's father. it feels like the same impatience that's put on eda to just forgive him already bc everyone wants happy edser and she's in the way lol.. like girl needs time!

Agreed, and it makes me wonder if these folks have ever watched television before, lmao. Patience! There's a story unfolding and from the first 6 episodes it's clear they have a season long arc planned. All in due time.

Eda spent five years thinking that Serkan stopped loving her, and discarded her for work. The second time he used that excuse to break her heart. My goodness, it's more than okay if she needs a little time to adjust and learn how to trust him again. PLUS that means we get to watch him work on her, try to make inroads, romance her, forge a relationship with his daughter and earn Eda's trust back. What's bad in that?

What did you think of the fragman? It's kind of dumb and unrealistic that they have to dance for a school admission interview.

LMAO. Yes, yes it is, but my question to you is, sana ne?

I mean why do you care if the set up is dumb or not? Or if it's realistic? It's a device to get Serkan and Eda to pretend to be married before they're fully back together and an excuse for us to see Edser smash themselves together in a sensual tangle of limbs while they pretend to be unaffected, while both are being engulfed in USTy flames.

I'm not complaining, why are you?

Come on, this show is silly, it has been from day one, enjoy the fact that we are getting silly plots that force our couple into hilarious and hot situations, because Hande and Kerem are going to give us gold, I guarantee it and I'm going to smile through every second watching it.

xxxxxxxxxx

These asks are from episode 44, they came in and I didn't have time to answer before 45 aired:

Anonymous asked: Do you think there is a point when there are too many “parallels” and it becomes more like scenes are being recycled? Because I kinda felt that way in the last episode. Like she’s just tossing in as many things as she can from those first 11 episodes but I’ve already watched those and Id rather we focus more character progression. I feel like they regressed from those honest conversations last week and were back to being petty this week.

I guess my answer is... no, I don't think there have been too many parallels. Episode 44 was partly about truth bubbling to the surface, with the biggest truth being that Serkan has been in love with Eda every minute of every day since they parted. That is a very important thing for Eda to understand and know and they really can't move forward until she does, because she felt unloved and forgotten all those years. Most of the parallels were illustrating that by showing that he held on to their history, he remembered their history and he honored it. Okay by me.

Anonymous asked: There were some amazing dialogues in the episode. I have two that tie for top. One was when Kiraz said that Serkan was her wish (when blowing her birthday candles), and the other was when Serkan said Apollo was never going to give up on the woman he loves nor on the cherries! Oh my heart had feels both times. What were your favourite dialogues in the episode?

Oh man my head is in 45 now, but both of those examples of yours were great. I loved both of them.

The other than springs to mind is while fishing, Eda telling Serkan that he didn't need to be perfect for Kiraz to love him, he just had to be himself.

Swoon.

That's so important for Serkan to hear, because he doesn't think he's worthy of love as himself, so hearing that from Eda is impactful.

Anonymous asked: reading your ep review, i think a big reason some people are hanging on to hate the s2 plot no matter what are just bc they hate the writer. of course not everyone, but a lot of people will just hate on anything she writes out of spite, even if objectively the episode is very good. idk why that is or when ppl decided they hated her but it's not warranted at all imo. i can understand not liking the premise of this season, but after watching it so far there has been SUCH an improvement edser-wise.

People can like, dislike, love, hate anything they want. Consuming entertainment doesn't have to be a team sport. That being said, from what I've seen I'd agree with your assessment. Teams have formed (Anti-Ayse, Pro-Ayse, etc) and the former are too invested in hating everything she does, the former possibly too forgiving at times. That's their choice, but I have to say I feel bad for the anti brigade, this is a show they loved, and most of them are still watching, but they've completely sabotaged themselves from finding any joy in any of it and I think they're going to regret it once it's over.

Also season 2 is so much better than I thought it could be. I honestly thought there was no way to get back to the early quality, but it's here. The show is really watchable and fun this season, and it's a shame for those who've let their attitudes get so negative that they can't enjoy it.

Anonymous asked: Ok so I'm aware this would be highly uncharacteristic of a dizi - but if they know there's only 6 eps left, my dream would be no more big bad events and just spend it rebuilding EdSer as a couple and a family. Would that be too much to ask lol. They've jumped from one disaster to another. Since we're at the end & they have the luxury of knowing it, I just want to see them working through things as a real unit. They've dated for like 7 eps out of 45? Can we get that above 10 at least????

Congratulations! Because that's exactly what we've gotten so far in season 2. Once we got past the trauma of the 5 year time jump, all the drama has been internal to Eda and Serkan and their relationship. The whole season so far has been about rebuilding Edser as a couple and a family. And if you're watching without the tauntruming twitter teens in your ear, you'd realize we ARE watching them work through things as a real unit.

I'll say this until I'm blue in the face (apparently) just because they are not currently sexing each other up, does not mean they aren't emotionally doing all the things necessary to reach their full potential as a couple.

They are. It's happening. Enjoy it.

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

It worked! Sorry to bug you with a message! But I'd like to request a cake now!

So, about me. I have an actual name but I don't think I've heard it in months😃, instead I have a bunch of nicknames! (Rion, ri, oreo, onion, o, etc), I'm actually nb so I chose that name, however I 100% consider naming myself Arson💀My pronouns are they/them and I'm about 5'5, I have short, fluffy brown hair that I usually dye the front blue. I'm Asian hispanic, but I really don't look like either- my favorite foods are either really spicy and salty or sweet. Not the overwhelming chemical sweet tho, like a natural sweet flavor. My personality type is infp, and ig when I first meet people I can be shy (that's an understatement, I was mute for the first week of school🕳🏃‍♂️) but once I get to know people I can be pretty chaotic (once again, arson). I'm not a 100% demon spawn though, I don't really like making scenes in public and I probably will cry if I do- but I still have fun lol. I'm also the person who copes with severe mental health issues using humor, to an alarming degree 😔 I'm the therapist friend when really I'm the one who needs therapy. I also have a social battery that can die at random times, so I really like/need friends who can handle random mood changes of me going from energetic to silent in seconds. Academically, I'm really book smart, I'm a tutor, but my grades don't reflect it. I tend to procrastinate a lot and avoid studying, usually I catch myself last minute or trust memory on tests, but every now and then there's something that tanks my grades. I'm not very athletic, but I still try to play sports. I enjoy the feeling when I do something right, but the rest of the time I usually beat myself up for messing up.

And now just random facts 😃👍

My favorite color is yellow, not the bright eye sore shade that makes you want to throw up, but the nice softer, light shade. And I like anything that comes with that color! (Sunflowers, flowy sundresses and flip flops, summer activities, burning concrete, warm rain, etc). Nobody knows my music taste, it changes weekly, however I usually come back to mitski/cavetown or summer themed songs a lot! I enjoy playing music, but I have the curse of being a fast learner so that usually leads to be being bored and learning a new instrument at any given chance. And my birthday is a weird date that fucks with zodiacs so I can be considered either a leo or cancer, my personality changes a bunch, so take your pick lol. (Though emotionally I tend to be cancerous, I just express it and show it in a way a leo would) And someday I wanna be a long term traveler, or a florist. Just a job that makes me happy :). And I guess if I had to classify my aesthetic it would be bloomcore or soft grunge. I like wearing big sweaters and if I could I would wear a bunch of butterfly clips in my hair and wear mom jeans. (I would also wear man crushers, I mean, platforms if I was confident)

Aaaannnnd that was really long sorry!

To sum up, I'm just a bipolar bitch with depression and anxiety 👍

Thanks a bunch for just taking the time to read this!

@oririon

Romantic Matchup

Bokuto Koutarou

How Y’all Met

IERJNDJS

I’m getting a classic summer love vibe from this matchup 👀

Ok so I just Hc that Bokuto LOVES flowers

So he would always just go to the local flower shop to look at them

Pls hes to precious I cant-

But anyways you we’re working a summer job at the flower shop

And you grew fond of our little owl boy

You would always talk to him whenever he visited

He just made your job that much more enjoyable :)

So one day you stopped him right before he left and told him he could pick a bouquet of flowers if he wanted

He BEAMED at you and picked a bouquet of flowers he always looked at whenever he came

But what shocked you was instead of walking out with them

He gave them to you!

He then went on talking about how he really liked you but didn’t know how to tell you

At this point he was just rambling

So you laughed and asked him if he would like to go to the ocean with you after your shift

He agreed and you swear you saw stars in his eyes

After your shift you met up with Bokuto and went to the beach

You guys literally spent ALL day there!

And even some of the night 👀

Being the gentleman he is offered to walk you home

And when you two got to your house he asked you to be his s/o

What They Love About You

Ok starting off with a strange one

He loves the fact that your favorite color is yellow 💛

He just thinks it fits you so well 😊

He loves that you have to ability to turn your trauma into humor

Now I’m ngl...

Ye found it extremely concerning at first 🥲

But once you explained it was like a coping mechanism for you

He was super supportive!

AAAAAAAA

He LOVES your aesthetic!

He thinks it’s so cute

And once again he thinks it fits you 👀

He appreciates the fact that your smart

If he doesn’t understand something in class

He’ll just go to you!

And honesty going over the material with him has helped your understanding as well 👀

Bokuto s grades:📈

Your grades: 📈

Favorite Things To Do Together

Oml he loves summers with you

Any summer activity

Beaches

Ice cream

Flower meadows 👀

Summer night drives

The whole shtick

But when it’s not summer

He loves doing classic seasonal activities

Examples:

Fall - Jumping in leaf piles, coffee dates, preparing for Halloween, etc

Winter - Snowball fights/Making Snowmen, Christmas movie marathons, hot cocoa/ baking, etc

Spring - Dancing in the rain, picnics, gardening etc

It’s a vibe year round with bf Bokuto

Random Hc

His favorite season is summer

And his second is winter

Ik...polar opposites

Oof

He TOTALLY gets your mood swings

Although they may not be the same as his

He still understands them and respects them

Every year on your anniversary he buys you the exact same bouquet he gave you at the flower shop

Speaking of the flower shop 👀

He got a job there with you the following summer

So you guys basically spent most of your days together

Bokuto is REALLY bad at dark humor

But for some reason he still tries 😭

It’s either TOO dark

Or not dark at all 💀

Astrology

(We’re gonna go with your cancer zodiac 😂)

When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result.

This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years.

Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined.

They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose.

No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings!

Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer’s quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo’s keen adaptability and intelligence.

These lovers may get off to a slow start, but over time, bonds will only grow stronger.

The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections.

They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work.

There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer’s easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it’s just Virgo’s nature to point out what they observe, that it’s not a personal attack.

A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate’s stubborn streak, but it’s a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate.

Also, Virgo’s urge to serve suits Cancer’s affectionate, nurturing nature well.

Their dedication to working toward the same goals.

Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals.

Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.

Overall Aesthetic

Bloomcore 🌸

Bloom - Jesse

This Side of Paradise - Coyote Theory

Flaming Hot Cheetos - Claire

Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens