#like its a copy of his brain. its literally a version of him. but somehow their paths divided so much one completely change how they present

[cringefail-clown]

Au where Hal takes over the tiaratop until he can undo the mind control over Jane. Transfem Hal. Mobius double genderbend. You understand and agree

i dont remember it 100% so correct me if im wrong but wasnt there another ai inside the tiaratop already? if so, imagine the power struggle between the tiaratop ai and hal, one programmed to maintain control over jane at all cost, the other desperately trying to free their friend

also tranfem hal is such a fascinating concept to me im munching on it so much

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[lvlyhao]

『127′s ideal type』

headcanons, NCT 127

A/N: je suis back~ in these headcanons i talk about the type of person i imagine each member with, along with some of the traits i think they wouldn’t be too fond of. i did NOT include physical traits (ex: “would like a short/tall/blonde s/o”) because i really don’t know them??? lmao also that kind of thing could be a bit damaging to someone’s self esteem, and i want yall to know ur perfect & beautiful so

mark and hyuck will be included in dream’s version of this, and sicheng will be in wayv’s :)

today’s gif theme is just random gifs i like bc idc, there’s no aesthetic

as always, this is gender-neutral

IF YOU LIKE MY WORK PLEASE REBLOG IT AS WELL AS LIKING IT T^T

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡) and if you squint really hard angst (❆) bc of some REALLY small things that for me are not actual angst but oh well

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: i think none?? if you read this and find something you think should be here let me know please!!!

word count: 1.5K

pairing: nct 127 members x reader (includes taeil, taeyong, johnny, yuta, doyoung, jaehyun, jungwoo)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Taeil

I see Taeil getting with someone who’s not only mature (personality-wise, actual age doesn’t matter) but also very determined and decisive. He’d like a person that doesn’t change their mind about things too often, learns well from their mistakes and is just all-around balanced. Other traits that I think he’d look for: politeness, a MUST; grounded; good at giving advice. Pretty much a twin-flame of his.

I think he’d find it cute if they think in a detail-oriented way and appreciate the small things in life. A positive, grateful mentality would be SO attractive to him, I swear. 

One of his deal breakers would most likely be excessive jealousy and possessiveness. He trusts you and your love for him, and I think he’d feel distraught if you were constantly questioning the relationships he has with other people (friends, co-workers, fans, etc.)

Last important thing: needs a person that can take a hit. He’s probably looking for someone he can spend the rest of his days with, so a quitter just isn’t good for that. There will be difficult moments in the future and he needs to know they won’t give up on him and on the life he chose.

Taeyong

I think Taeyong would like a calm person that knows how to take control of the relationship. He probably feels tired sometimes from leading a group of 23 people, so I can imagine he’d be thrilled if he was able to not worry at all when he’s around his partner. He trusts they’re capable of dealing with any problems that may arise and keep their feet on the ground. Bonus points if they have a good relationship with themselves.

By that I mean: you know how people say you can’t truly love others until you love yourself? Yeah, that. He’s a person like any other, and there are times when he struggles with self-love, but he needs someone that doesn’t hate themselves, or he’ll simply go crazy. With his career come so many rumours and moments that tear at his confidence… he just doesn’t need a person that has to be convinced every single day that they’re worthy of the good things in life. 

I’d say, in general, all he asks for is someone that can watch out for themselves. He’d take care of them too, but he’d like it SO much if just for once in his life he’s the one being cared for. Would just melt on the spot if you have that caring, almost parental instinct in you. Gods, yes. That’s all I can say.

Johnny

I can see him being with a very bright, smart person. He’d like someone that comes from a different background so he could learn more about their life—whether that means the country they were born in or their field of work. I think he would appreciate a very laid back person that doesn’t get stressed too often and won’t make fun of him for his bad jokes. Also, doesn’t like people that try to play him. Honesty above all.

He’d like it if they are super curious and creative, too. Picking up new hobbies and interests is something he’d be up to anytime, and it doesn’t matter what it is either. He’d give anything a try—from knitting to marine biology, no questions asked.

Something he’d dislike is if the person is too materialistic. It’s not like he’s a completely spiritual being and lives with 0 detachments to objects but he’s a firm believer in what Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said: what is essential is invisible to the eye. And, you know, what you truly find essential is up to you; it can mean family, friends, love, hope, all of that… he just wants you to love life itself as much as he does.

Yuta

He’d probably like one of the two drastic variants: a very gentle, sweet person or someone who’s on his level of flirtatiousness and boldness. Wouldn’t mind any, but he needs a strong personality, either way, you know? No blandness here. 

Something very attractive to him is being involved in social issues and caring for the world around you. Very sexc, yes, and also likes people that make others smile.

Something that would make him quite literally give up on someone is the excessive fear of change, or just the will to remain in their comfort zone at all costs. He earns for a person that wants to live life to its fullest. If not they’re not ride-or-die to that level, then he hopes they at least accompany and support him in all of the things he wants to do. 

One thing that is very tied to that is his dislike for know-it-alls. He lives in such a diverse scenario that it’s just dumb for him to think someone would ever be capable of knowing every piece of information on everything that’s out there. He’s fine with people making mistakes, but if they can’t admit to that or admit they don’t know something he just gets pissed off. So, yeah, he’d avoid stuck-ups.

Doyoung

He’d like someone very loyal and fair, who treats people with respect but calls them out if they ever have to. I think he’d prefer a person that is naturally a deep thinker and wouldn’t lose their mind over small disagreements. 

Much like Johnny, he likes that intellectual side of yours, and when I say that I don’t mean like “ah, he’d want to date a math genius” or something. No, no. I’m referring to all types of intellectuality and intelligence. The thing for him is simply using your brain and being proud of it. He would just dislike a person that kind of lives life on autopilot, you know?

He’d like it if they’re interested or professionally involved with music somehow and would consider their opinions in his career. He wouldn’t mind if their taste is hugely different from his, though. It’s alright if pop music is not your favourite or if you have no idea who EXO is (lol). All he wants is to see the world through your eyes too, in all aspects of life including this one.

Will also love you forever if you side with him when he’s being teased by the others, because, c’mon, it’s always 22 people against poor, defenceless Doyoung. Please don’t join them, he’s begging you—

Jaehyun

This is very, very clear to me but he needs to be with an independent person. He’s quite sentimental and he has his more romantic moments, sure, but he wants someone that can give him the space he needs when he needs it. A person that’s constantly begging him for attention would be way more of a burden than anything else.

Also, he’s 100% alright with someone that has a very explicit and loud love language (like saying “I love you” 300 times a day) but he’s not like that, and he needs them to see that. Jaehyun could NOT be with a person that doesn’t appreciate the love he shows in the little things, like making coffee in the morning, and if they ever question the way he feels… yeah, not good. He’d feel misunderstood and that’s a big no-no.

He’d find it cute if they’re bubbly or just very youthful but is also capable of falling for an old soul that shares his interests in things like classical music and vinyls. I don’t think he’d ever get with someone that's kind of a tech addict, though, idk why but that’s quite clear to me. Always being on your phone or caring too much about social media would probably make him feel like you’re not grateful for the things you have around you, in real life. So, yeah, not attractive, bestie.

Jungwoo

Jungwoo is a very, very, very sweet person and he needs someone who’s also like that. He wouldn’t care if that’s there for everyone to see, in the sense that they’re not shy about it, or if it’s a part of them that only a couple of close people know. As long as it’s there, he’s happy.

Aside from that, I think he’s fully capable of falling in love with quite literally anyone. He can see the beauty in all types of people, from all places, backgrounds, races, and just—anyone. He’s just so full of love for people, ah I can’t even. He’s too good for this world.

Some things that could, however, push him away from getting to know someone: a negative way of thinking, being too traditionalistic, and too much scepticism. He’s fine with people that like to honour the past and their roots but like, you’ve gotta keep up with the world you live in and accept that things change. I think that’s very tied to how much he likes defying masculine standards, too. 

The scepticism thing is quite simple: he can handle teasing just fine but if they’re constantly making fun of him for wearing his heart on his sleeve or being a bit goofy, he’d feel kind of betrayed.

---

final notes: this is the 3rd nct work i’m posting here and i’m already writing more, so i think it’s time i set up a masterlist, a fic rec blog and a tag list. if you want to be tagged in my future fics, let me know (dm, comments, anything) :)

[xonepeacelovex]

stray kids imagines as taylor swift’s songs from taylor’s version album ft. hyuncam | part 2

part 1

han jisung

jump then fall

it is rude to stare

you know and yet you can’t stop yourself

you are surely deeply madly lovestruck with jisung

and it’s driving you crazy

jisung, a transfer student

good at everything

aces every exam

that you studied hard to pass

that he made it looks so easy to ace

he’s a threat to your standing

and yet you can’t hate him

not when he’s the only one who is not scared of you

he became a friend

and then someone who makes your heart flip

truth hit you too hard

when the uninvited feeling crawled to your heart

you hate how jisung makes you feel like a puppet doll

you mirror everything he does

when he smiles you automatically smiles

you laugh at his dad jokes

which you don’t do

you like a quiet and peaceful high school thus the lone wolf facade

catching yourself smiling

you cough and made your way to your seat

beside jisung

he greeted you a good morning

which you just nodded

and despite the tight lipped smile and cold greetings

he still smiles at you and excitedly listens to your class

accustomed to you already

“it’s rude to stare”

your eyes widen, caught red handed

you are in the library, looking for a reference book

when you saw jisung sleeping, sun shining down on his face

you’ll walk away that moment when your heart starts pounding

though you thought he’ll be uncomfortable with the sun light

and what if the librarian caught him

so you absentmindedly walk towards him

blocking the sunrays with a book

like you are bewitched you stare at his face

he still hasn’t moved, eyes closed

you can’t think of any good excuse so you decided to go with the flow

he opens his one eye, to check your reaction

closing it again before chuckling

he sit up properly and stretch his arms

“if you’ll remain silent, i’ll think you did it on purpose”

“what if i did?”

“are you telling me you like me?”

“yes.”

you said confidently, there’s no backing out

you nervously look at his reaction

he’s searching your eyes for a hint of mischievousness

he remained silent

“if you’ll reman silent, i’ll assume you don’t like me”

“no. it’s not like that. i’m just scared.”

“of what?”

“of falling harder for you”

lee felix fearless

“wait felix. you’ll catch a cold.”

you shouted to your prom date

he happily hopped on the way to his car

you look at the suit in your hands

he gave it to you to use as a shield from the rain

“have this” he said then running towards his car

if only you have a choice not to go to this prom

but felix somehow made you go

*flashback*

“what the heck is this felix?” you whispered to him, making him satnd up from his kneeling position

“a promposal” he answered

your friends are giggling behind you

“for whom?” you asked him, perplexed

“for you.” he said a little louder, kneeling again with the bouquet of flowers

you look at him

he’s definitely paying you back with the stunt you did to him

everyone is cheering him on

you smile at them and look at felix

holding his arms to make him stand up again

you accepted the flowers without words

and he smiles at you and then at everyone surrounding both of you

you want to wipe that grin in his face

*end of flashback*

you can’t let him be alone in the rain with his suit above your head

so you decided to run under the rain, following felix

and he’s still unlocking his car, you cover his head too

even though it’s useless now

the suit too small for the both of you

you became soaked up by the rain

you thought you’ll hate being wet by the rain

but as every rain drop fell on your face you felt different

it’s exhilarating

lowering the protection you are holding, forgetting to use the suit as a cover up

a smile making it’s way to your lips

you look up at the sky

feeling every raindrop, it makes you feel like a kid again

no wonder why felix is smiling while looking at you

“you look like a kid” he teased

you look at him, keys still on his hands

he planned this

he has no intention of getting in in the car

“may i have this dance with you?” giving his hand out to you

you take his warm hands

he suddenly pull you towards him

heat radiating from his body made you stayed close to him

hugging him completely, closing your eyes

while he sways and your body just follows his

going to prom isn’t bad at all, you thought

and you are glad he asked you to his date tonight

you open your eyes, and he’s already looking at you

“not bad, right?”

“not bad if we don’t-”

he sneezed, moving away from you

“catch a cold” you continued

he shiver and then fix his messy wet hair

and your heart did a somersault

you look at the man responsible for it

“glad i didn’t turned you down”, you whispered

he heard you and hold your gaze

you sneezed also, ruining the moment

while you both laugh heartily under the pouring rain

kim seungmin

hey stephen

you don't really see the point of crushes

until you met kim seungmin

your first happy crush

and you see, happy crushes are supposed to be happy

but you're not

seungmin indeed is one of those heartbreakers

that didn't meant to hurt others

he's either oblivious that everyone likes hin

or he doesn't care about love

like you, before you developed feelings for him

it was just supposed to be a happy crush

plus feelings are not your thing

but seungmin really did captured your heart

and you are happy with just his existence

so you don't know why he's walking towards you

smiling, waving at you, like he knew for years

"y/n"

your brain stopped working that moment

how the hell he did know your name

and why is he smiling 🙂

that moment you thought to yourself, “you’re doomed”

and started thinking “is is still a crush?”

seungmin called you again

flustered that he caught you staring at him

“hey seungmin”

you brushed off the way he’s looking at you with playful smile

“what are you writing?”

and not to be simp but you are writing a poem about feelings

feelings for him, specifically

you immediately closed the notebook

“how do you know my name?” you asked, getting yourself together

“what?”

“how do you know my name? we are not even classmates”

“uhm... you are right” he looked around, avoiding your eyes

you looked around also, noticing the group of girls from a distance

you chuckles when you saw it

“are you using me as an escape?”

“yes” he confessed without hesitation

you nodded

“and i knew your name through jeongin”

it’s safe to say you are not the only one with a happy crush

i.n/yang jeongin today was a fairytale

directing a play is stressful

you are not even the club president

your best friend was though

so when she asked for help with puppy eyes

you can't just say no

you did say yes to production

making stage props and wardrobe are manageable

and watching them rehearse for it is enjoyable

the leading man, jeongin, is a good actor and singer

he also helps you make the props during their break

“does this need a second paint?”

you jump from the scare, hands flying to your chest

you are currently humming the song for the play

when you saw him, laughing at you, you sigh

“please don’t scare me like that again”

“i’m sorry”

“okay, and yes”

“why are you alone though? where are the others?”

you shrug and his facial expression turned into some kind of anger

that you don't think he can express cause he's so nice every time

he silently paints with you

it’s not that you are not aware the other official club members are not helping at all

cause they are, leaving all the works to you

and you can’t complain to your best friend

she’s stress enough to manage the production

you came home exhausted that day

the next day, all the club members that are supposedly helping you with the production are there making props

and you see jeongin winking at you

you thought it will be smooth sailing from there until

when the leading lady literally broke her leg

your best friend breakdowns in front of you

you and jeongin are comforting her

“who’s gonna replace her?” your best friend said, exasperated

jeongin points at you, “y/n has the script memorized!”

your eyes widen, “what?!”

your best friend looks at you with expectation “do you?”

you bit your lip, “yes”

she holds both of your hands “please?”

you sigh, “okay,”

and now, you found yourself as a leading lady

you are not for the spotlight and yet you are starting to enjoy acting

"okay now we are at the scene where jeongin will kiss you"

"what?!" you both said as you look at each other

"did i forget to give you the updated script? oh my gosh yes!" your bestfriend answered her own question as she opened her laptop searching for its soft copy

"i'll print it for you guys but let's continue rehearsing"

jeongin slowly walks up to you

following every words of your bestfriend

your eyes stayed at him, as he stop in front of you

you gulped, heart beating faster

your first kiss

your first kiss will be with jeongin

you bit your lower lip as he leans forward

his left hand on your back while the other is holding your cheek

you closed your eyes, not ready for any of these

jeongin felt your nervousness

so he angled your face

you felt his breath on your cheeks

he kisses your nose

you opened your eyes and stared at jeongin

as he smiles at you

"cut! let's take a break" your best friend shouted

you back away from him, heart pounding louder

you cleared your throat as you walk to your best friends without saying anything to jeongin

dragging her outside the theatre

"why you didn't say there will be a kissing scene?" you confronted her

"i'm sorry really the scripwriter changed it last night. he thinks it is necessary to the story," she apologized

you sigh, you can't just say to her that it will be your first kiss

on the day of the play, you are nervous but for another reason

you don't know if jeongin will kiss your lips

you can't fake the kiss in front of a hundred people

but he act so well that he made the kiss like a real kiss as he angles your face

and you are thankful and disappointed too

why?

for the past weeks you've harbored a crush for jeongin

as the curtain closes and all the actors and actresses went to the backstage

jeongin slowly walks up to with a rose in a hand the one he got, he handed it to you

"i know you don't like me but i like you" he confessed and as he walk away you hold his hand and pull him to you

finally kissing him

A/N: I need to make a part 2 because Tumblr won’t let me add anything on the first post. I had to cut Jeongin’s part abruptly because this post is too long (Tumblr said it). Anyway, have a good night. 

Copyright © 2021 xonepeacelovex All rights reserved.

[thefisherqueen]

Review of The Green Knight

As a lover of Arthurian legend and medieval reenactment and a once-upon medieval literature student, the new movie The Green Knight of course was on my to-watch list. Especially after reading qqueenofhades’ excellent essay. I finally watched the movie last week. And I have some Thoughts to share.

There are a lot of things to like about this movie. It was delightfully non-sensational and devoid of GoT-like violence and political power struggles. There was some really beautiful cinematography, partly thanks to the beautiful Irish mountains this movie was shot in. I love that TGK not just adopted, but instead reworked the legend. The main moral themes and outcomes, while not a literal copy, felt authentic to the Christian medieval context of the poem, involving questions around honor, courage, hospitality, greatness, humility and what it means to be a good knight, or even a good person. The movie made it beautifully clear that Gawain’s main problem could have been avoided had he just given the Green Knight a scratch, but because he chose to behead the knight while said knight was lying kneeling and harmless at his feet, there is no escaping from facing the consequence of that action, which is neatly echoed throughout the movie. The green knight, the knight with the green belt and the lord who goes hunting in the green. The lover, the saint and the temptress. What you give, you will receive, and the other way around. The cast was great (too asexual to be thirsty for Dev Patel, though, sorry). The messing up of the mistaken image of medieval europe as just white is also always appreciated. I too liked that the film didn’t care to explain some of the wonders and mysteries, like the giants and the saint who lost her head, they just were accepted as part of that world. Being somewhat puzzled and enchanted is sadly rare in media nowadays where everything has to be explained or else it’s a ‘plot hole’. The liberty this movie takes with time, with multiple possible versions playing out and the reoccuring circular motives were impressive. However, the film as a whole didn’t quite work for me and I don’t really care to rewatch it. I think there are two fundamental reasons why.

The first is that the viewer isn’t given reason to care about the main character. I think this choice is deliberate, as we see Arthur asking Gawain to tell a tale of himself to get to know him, and Gawain replies that he has none, and after Gawain takes on the Green Knight’s challenge as an opportunity to gain a tale for himself. Questions about telling and re-telling tales and achieving greatness are a central theme. However, this narrative choice poses a problem, as it results in a movie where we see Gawain wrestle through difficulties on his quest and he’s this strange identity-less puppet, escaped from the children’s puppet show. We as audience are set up to be detached from him, which makes it hard to root for his success or even his survival, despite how pretty and sad Dev Patel may look in a dirty-and-distressed state. This could have been solved without removing those identity themes by giving Gawain, if not great deeds, at least some establishment of his character at the start of the film. He doesn’t have to be likable, but he has to be something more than a drinker and brawler with a faint sense of wanting to prove himself. That is just not enough to make us attached to Gawain’s wellbeing and involved in the quality of his decision making. The rest of the movie doesn't quite build Gawain’s character either. We get that he’s uncertain and afraid, yes, but his actions remain inconsistent, his motivations unclear. His main character arch - that he needs to give up the protection of the enchanted green belt, needs to face fear and consequences rather than to rely on the treacherous protection of witchcraft - doesn’t come off the ground because we only learn close to the very end that the belt is a problem to the completion of his quest. That’s no arch, that’s an exhausting flat march and a sudden steep slope right before the finish line.   

The second problem ties into the first. Namely, you don’t need a strong emotional tie to the characters if there’s a light tone, an adventure with a side dish of some fun and humor perhaps. This movie, however, is anything but light. It’s dark. It’s grim. It’s cold. It’s wet. There’s exactly zero humor. Above all, it’s slow. So slow. Apart from an emotional connection, you also need a sit-on-the-edge-of-your-seat amount of story tension for this kind of dramatic tone and slow pace to work, and the script just doesn’t build that tension. A shot of Gawain riding through the moor after he leaves his home is just that: the confrontation with the Green Knight is still far away, there’s no looming threat we’re aware of, there’s nothing else to be told or resolved. Together with our emotional detachment it makes for a movie that switches between boring and ridiculously overdramatic, while occasionally looking stunning and taking on deeper questions and parallels. Overall it just makes for a frustrating viewer experience that lacks impact. I was left with a thorough “meh”. Which is a shame, because this movie is very interesting and could have been so good. That clever panning shot showing Gawain as a tied up skeleton should have been devastating. I should have been shouting “No DON”T do that, you IDIOT!” at the screen the moment Gawain scares away his adorable guardian fox. Instead, I couldn’t care less. Come on, Green Knight. Off with his head.    

Some final details to note: erotic movie scenes are normally already awkward, but the scenes in this movie take the usual akwardness next level. At least it’s handled consistently - whether straight or homoerotic, it’s basically all a dissapointment. (That cum shot has scarred my brain forever). Which has its own merit, I guess, but does make for an odd contrast to the camera’s loving, even somewhat objectiving depiction of Dev Patel and the way about every character tenderly touches his face. I’m left wondering what the point was of this choice. It tells something about Gawain’s failure to meet chivalry standards, maybe.  

The scenes which show witchcraft was used to make the Green Knight appear were rather cliché and I don’t think they added anything, as the Christian morality and consequences of relying on witchcraft are already addressed in the theme of the enchanted green belt. Also, it’s frustrating to keep seeing scratched-in runes used as literal magic. As far as our limited knowledge goes, runes were a whole writing system, magical only in the sense that writing something down can have a power of its own. Please, movie makers, think of something original.

Also, torches are terrible for indoor lighting. They burn out quickly and are horribly sooty, so it’s lanterns or candles you want indoors. But the use of the pentacle shown as a common talisman for protection rather than a specific symbol for evil or magic was nice. I’m not equipped to comment much on the choice of costumes and they didn't try to be accurate to a specific historic period and place anyway, but would have loved to see more men in long robes like the beautiful ones they gave king Arthur. Somehow, medieval themed movies only seem to go for the pants and knee-length tunic style for men, while long dress-like garments were in fact very common. Gawain’s beautifully patterned yellow mantle was the brightest point of the entire movie.      

[radramblog]

What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2. 

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

[gamebunny-advance]

So I’m Not The Only One

@pkbeamgamma​

I thought it was just me, but Encore Edition really does feel a lot worse to play.

At first I thought that I had just gotten used to the Switch version, and that Encore Edition was “better” and I just needed to relearn it. Because I could reliably beat every boss’s crazy mode and parry mode on Switch, and I could even get pretty far in at least perfect parry DJSS and 1010, but in Encore Edition I feel lucky to even pass the Hard mode for most bosses. It really feels like the cues for attacking don’t match up to the music anymore, which is a death sentence for a rhythm game. But I played basically on release day, so I dunno if maybe they’ve patched it since then to improve the timing.

Since we’re on this Encore Edition rant anyways (sorry, I’m gonna ramble a bit), I kinda hate that it exists in its current state. I know that they were probably already tied up in contracts and other obligations to push out the first versions of the games on all consoles, but if they were capable of adding these “improvements” in the first place, then why weren’t they there to begin with? Everything they added really wasn’t enough to justify full price on a “new edition” of the game, literally just 1 year after the original game came out. I’d argue that they could have just released a patch, but given how many versions of the game there are, I can see why they would think it wouldn’t be worth it to push one out to all versions (especially since Switch still NEVER got the Christmas DLC). And even then, Encore Edition still has bugs that were in the original release, like how Zed’s “quest” is still broken.

I hate to say it, but Encore Edition really does read like a cash grab. I don’t blame them. They’re an indie studio, so they gotta keep the cash flowing somehow so they can work on more games, but I dunno. It just doesn’t feel good. I think that Metronomik is depending a little too much on the already existing fanbase as a source of income, rather than focusing on expanding it by making the game better. I mean, just their twitter is FULL of spoilers for the game, but I think the first sign of this in Encore Edition is the new opening movie.

As cute as it is and how much I love it as a piece of media, it really does emphasize how much this game does NOT exist for new players because it reveals EVERY major boss encounter in the game, and in some scenes how to fight them (Wan Hazmer really wants to drill into everyone’s brain that you should run RIGHT in DJSS’s fight).

I dunno how other people feel about this, but I think that one of the best parts of this kind of boss rush game is being surprised by the bosses. I mean, the gameplay proper introducesthe artists shrouded in shadows and none of them besides Tatiana are revealed until it’s time to fight them. It creates a sense of intrigue and excitement for what you’re going to be up against. Just as an example, I feel like Neon J. was supposed to be a surprise when he was conceptualized because he lacks any kind of presence in the game until Phase 2 of 1010′s battle, but now that he’s a fan favorite, it’s hard NOT to find him everywhere. Even the new opening movie spoils his existence and even hints at his desires to dance himself, which I also felt was supposed to be a huge reveal for the final phase. It just does not make sense to reveal Neon J. early under any circumstance for a new player. Like it’s cool when we get fanservice, but it shouldn’t be to the detriment of the game.

Encore Edition really put an emphasis on the fans by including all the fanart which was kinda cool, but 1: all of that would seem SUPER out of place to anyone new to the game to just have all this *stuff* plastered all over the environments, and 2: I’m not really sure how the artists were compensated for their efforts besides just being included. From what I understand, they didn’t even get a copy of the game in return, which I would think is the bare minimum.  And I know Metronomik has done other cool things for the fans, especially the fanartists (I know about how they made and shipped out physical versions of the 2 zines for free to the artists that participated, which was SUPER cool of them to do), but for as “nice” as all that stuff is, it’s not making the game better.

Like, I can kinda get why they’re going for this approach: the reviews are already out for the game, and they were pretty middling. “Gamers TM” just aren’t going to buy into a game that’s a 6/10 at best, especially at NSR’s price point when there are HUNDREDS of other “better” games they could be playing. Since the damage has already been done, it’s probably going to be hard for them to get new people to get into it, so it’s easier to try and get money out of the people that are sticking around rather than to invest in trying to change public opinion about it.

I could keep on going, but I do want this studio to do better. This all comes from someone that loves this game enough to buy it 3 times. I really hope that they can take the lessons they’ve learned from making NSR to make Ondeh Ondeh a better game.

[revengerevisited]

@noneofthismakessensetome KHUX is really hard to explain, and I don’t really understand it myself despite watching every update, but the most that I can glean from it is that it’s set in the past in a place called Daybreak Town, right before the Keyblade War. (How far in the past is unknown, not helped by the fact that time travels differently in each World, but it was definitely before Xehanort was born).

There was this guy named the Master of Masters, and he’s supposedly been fighting a war against darkness for a very long time. (No idea if that’s the elemental concept of darkness, or Darkness the character). He’s the person who invented Keyblades (or one of the people. KHUX is extremely vague and likes to throw little doubts in just to make you question everything), and he gathered six apprentices (all named after one of the Seven Deadly Sins). Luxu, aka Xigbar, is one of the six. The only other relevant one is Ava. 

Five of these apprentices (not Luxu) become the Foretellers, leaders of these different Unions of ‘Keykids’ (which I don’t think is an official term, but that’s what the fandom calls them so I will too) who wield Keyblades against the Heartless to collect Lux (which is some sort of light energy). Each of them is also given a Chirithy Spirit created by the Master of Masters. 

The Master of Masters, aka MoM, can see into the future, because he put his ‘eye’ into the Keyblade No Name (Master Xehanort’s Keyblade), as well as other Keyblades like Riku’s Way to the Dawn and Vanitas’s Void Gear (if that is the name of Vanitas’s Keyblade...). Because these ‘eyes’ exist in the future, the MoM is able to ‘see’ into the future, and writes all future events down in the Book of Prophecies. He then gives copies of the Book of Prophecies to the Foretellers (not Luxu), but leaves out a certain page. He then sows distrust through the five by telling them one of them is a traitor.

The Foretellers all mistrust each other, and through a chain of events this leads to the Keyblade War, where all the ‘Keykids’ kill each other and the World is rift apart. The only ones who survive are the Dandelions, a special group of ‘Keykids’ the MoM told Ava to form, who hide in a Data version of Daybreak Town. The Dandelions have their minds wiped of the Keyblade War by the Chirithies and believe they are in the real Daybreak Town, except for the five Union Leaders, who were chosen by the MoM and given Books of Prophecy by Ava (more on that in a second...). 

In the latest KHUX update, the MoM says that it will take multiple lifetimes to defeat darkness (or Darkness), and this is probably why Luxu (Xigbar) has been hopping from body to body for all these years (centuries?). The MoM gave Luxu the Black Box (without telling him what’s inside) and No Name (to be passed down through the generations of Keyblade Wielders and eventually wind up with Xehanort before going back to Luxu). By having No Name be passed down into the future, the MoM can see through its ‘eye’ and write down future events.

So about the Union Leaders of the Dandelions, the ones the MoM told Ava to pick were Ephemer, Skuld, Brain, Lauriam (Marluxia), and Strelitzia. However, (as we saw with the most recent update) a shadowy being named Darkness killed Strelitzia and gave Ventus her copy of the Book of Prophecies instead. Ventus was in some kind of trance or had his memory wiped, and didn’t remember Strelitzia’s death until now. 

Darkness has also been helping Maleficent, because for some reason after her defeat in KH1 she wound up in the past in Data Daybreak Town, and Darkness wants to help her get back to the future (KH2) with a time machine. (The time machine, called the Ark or the Lifeboat in different translations, is the same machine used by Terra-Xehanort to send five-year-old Kairi to Destiny Islands, although in that case she was transported through space, not time). It seems that Darkness wants some of the ‘Keykids’ (Ventus, Lauriam (Marluxia), Elrena (Larxene), and Skuld (who is probably Subject X)) to be transported to the future, and somehow Maleficent will serve as their Waypoint. (I don’t understand how time-travel in KH works, nor why Darkness wants to send the ‘Keykids’ to the future, but that’s the best explanation I can give).

Anyway, the whole murder mystery about ‘who killed Strelitzia?’ has been the biggest fandom mystery in KH for a long time (I’m talking like, three years). And unfortunately, it’s still not solved because it’s still not clear just who/what Darkness is. Some believe that Darkness is Ava, who is actually the ‘traitor’ trying to stop the MoM’s plan, because she believes his plan will end in the destruction of the World (which it kinda did). This is because Darkness takes the form of Ava to speak to Ventus after killing Strelitzia, and tells him that he’s a Union Leader (when really he’s the ‘imposter’). Ava is known to have the power of illusion, which is why some fans think she may have taken the form of Darkness to disguise herself. (Just a note on all this, I can’t remember exactly what all the fan-theories about Ava are, and I may have gotten something wrong here. But the basic gist is that some fans believe Ava is Darkness).

Then there’s the second theory, which unfortunately in my opinion is the more likely of the two. We know from Re:Mind that a being calling itself Darkness is hiding within Ven’s heart, and in KHUX Brain says that Darkness (or darkness) can hide inside people. Combine this with Vanitas’s speech to Ventus in Re:Mind, about how he and Ven ‘aren’t the same like he thinks’ and how he was just ‘hidden inside Ven until Xehanort tore him out’, it seems to imply that Vanitas is actually Darkness (or a piece of Darkness) who was hidden inside of Ven, and not the dark half of Ven’s heart like we’ve believed for the past decade. Basically, if this theory is true, it completely re-writes Vanitas’s entire character, motivations, and origins, while also retroactively making him a child-murderer, and I’m sure you all already know how I feel about that.

Now, literally nothing outside of Re:Mind implies that Vanitas is Darkness, and in fact the scene in the Keyblade Graveyard with Vanitas, Ventus, and Sora right after the scene in Re:Mind seems to contradict this theory, as well as every piece of material on Vanitas released both before and after Re:Mind including his character file, so this all may be just one big misunderstanding, but that doesn’t dissuade the fact that there is literally an entity calling itself Darkness inside Ven’s heart. I can’t even begin to imagine how it got there, unless 1. It’s Vanitas after returning to Ven’s heart after his defeat in BBS or 2. Darkness somehow got into Ven’s heart while he was sleeping in Castle Oblivion. 

This is all pure fan-theory, but since the Vanitas in KH3 is a time traveling version of Vanitas from the past, it could be that the ‘real’ Vanitas is still living inside Ven’s heart (like how Roxas was still inside Sora’s heart), and if the ‘real’ Vanitas is now calling himself Darkness, then it’s possible that Vanitas was either lying about being half of Ventus this entire time or is only now just remembering his memories of being Darkness. Either way, if Vanitas really does turn out to be Darkness, then I can only imagine his entire personality will be overwritten by Darkness’s and Vanitas will basically cease to exist as a character. As in, he won’t just be dead, he’ll have never truly existed in the first place. 

And that, my friends, is why I’ve been in a constant state of anxiety, stress, and depression for the past year, and the reason I haven’t updated A Heart and a Half, because I’m having trouble reconciling the Vanitas from the BBS Novel (an abused, neglected child manipulated from birth to be a weapon) with what is potentially his true identity as Darkness (an ancient, child-murdering demonic entity). Once again, it’s still just a fan-theory... But a very plausible fan-theory.

Anyway, the third theory is that Darkness isn’t secretly some other character, but instead is exactly what it says it is— a sapient amalgamation of the elemental force of darkness. Darkness tells Maleficent that she should think of it as an ‘old friend’, leading some to believe it’s someone Maleficent knows from the future. However, it could be that Darkness ‘knows’ Maleficent because it itself is the embodiment of elemental darkness, and Maleficent is a darkness-user. In that case, it could be said Darkness is a ‘friend’ to all people who use darkness. 

Unfortunately, before anyone says this line of dialogue proves that Vanitas can’t be Darkness because Vanitas never met Maleficent, Vanitas did meet Maleficent... in the BBS Novel. In the BBS Novel, Maleficent asks Vanitas if he’s a ‘friend’ of Xehanort’s. Vanitas hesitantly says yes (because his abuser isn’t exactly a friend to him), simply because he and Xehanort are allies. He then asks Maleficent if she’s ‘friends’ with Xehanort, and she says yes (in the sense that they are allies). In this roundabout way, it could be construed that if Vanitas is Xehanort’s friend, and Maleficent is Xehanort’s friend, then that makes Vanitas Maleficent’s friend, which still fits in with the theory that Vanitas is Darkness if Darkness is Maleficent’s friend.

Even if we ignore the (technically non-canon) BBS Novel scenes of Xehanort kicking twelve-year-old Vanitas in the face and beating him with his Keyblade until he cried and leaving him isolated in a wasteland for weeks on end, and just go off of the games’ canon, the story of Ventus and Vanitas can still be seen as both literal and metaphorical child abuse, with Ven being the part of the victim who represses the trauma and Vanitas being the part of the victim who lashes out. Of course, if Vanitas does turn out to be Darkness, then he will be retconned from a victim into a scheming child-murderer just as evil as his abuser and the demon/abomination/empty creature that Xehanort always said he was! (Maybe that’s why Vanitas had such a mental breakdown in Re:Mind... he realized every horrible thing Xehanort ever told him about himself was true...). Which is why, as you can imagine, this theory causes me a lot of stress! 

Anyway, that’s the story of KHUX and the reason why I turn into a big ball of anxiety every time a new update occurs. I literally wouldn’t care about KHUX at all if Ven wasn’t in it, but he is, and everything that happens to Ven in the past is something that will effect him and Vanitas in the future, whether Vanitas is confirmed to be Darkness or not. We now know that Ven has had even more trauma forced upon him than he’d had with Xehanort, and I now have a suspicion that the reason Ven refused to create the X-Blade by using the darkness in his heart in the BBS flashback scenes was because he remembered what darkness and/or Darkness did to Strelitzia.

I really can’t imagine why Ven is in KHUX other than to connect him to this Darkness character in some way. Some fans still claim that Ven is the one who killed Strelitzia because they think he was ‘possessed’ by Darkness, but it seems pretty clear that Darkness was the culprit while Ven just stood there in a trance. Even so, I suspect that Ven blames himself for what happened anyway, even though it wasn’t his fault. I don’t know how this will play out with the future/current Ven. Is he suddenly going to remember his past and think he killed Strelitzia? Why? For the angst? Is he going to realize that Vanitas is (or is a part of) Darkness and therefore the murderer of some random girl Ven barely knows? Is Darkness just going to pop out of Ven when he’s in the Realm of Darkness with Aqua and Terra and... I don’t even know. Fight him? Gloat? Enact his evil scheme of destroying the World because you see, Vanitas never really wanted his light back, he never really wanted friends (page 378 of the BBS Novel), he was lying the entire time! Yes, he’s totally this evil monster who just wants to kill people because he’s evil~!

...Alright, I’ll stop. But seriously, I don’t know where this story is headed, guys. This update basically had the MoM tell us to stop trying to figure things out or theorize and that we shouldn’t want to know everything that’s going to happen, so who knows. Next update might throw us a curveball and reveal Darkness was secretly... idk Pete the entire time. He’s Maleficent’s friend! Or maybe it’s just Xehanort again, who knows. I just feel... really tired of KH, and I don’t really know where I’m going to go from here. Hopefully this is the last time I rant about this subject, though, because I really feel like I’ve already said all there is to say.

I want to finish A Heart and a Half, but I also feel hampered by everything that might happen with Vanitas. I also feel like managing my Tumblr blogs is causing me too much stress and distracting me from doing other things (including writing my fanfics), so I’ve been thinking of putting them both on a more ‘permanent’ hiatus after their queues run out sometime later this month. I dunno how everyone would feel about that, though, nor how long that hiatus would be. I’d certainly miss talking to everyone, and you guys make me smile whenever I get a comment or a question from you all! But I also feel like I need to focus on my health (both physical and mental) and work on things that don’t involve social media. I guess I just need a little more time to think about it.

[danetobelieve]

What’s black and white and bled all over? || Orion, Ricky and Winston

Winston hated life right now. It wasn’t that they had a hard life usually. Really they had a pretty sweet deal. But all they had wanted to do was get burgers with their friends and enjoy themselves. So as they stepped out of the car and spotted a mime version of themself and what looked like a mime version of Ricky, they couldn’t help but swallow nervously. “That’s not good news…” they looked at Ricky who was in the passenger seat and behind him Rio, “they’ve just been following us around everywhere so far, I think we’re okay to get burgers right? There’s three of us and only two of them….” Why did Rio get to avoid his mime-ganger when Winston and Ricky were forced to confront them head one. This wasn’t fair. They didn’t want to have to pretend their mime copy wasn’t currently sat in the car park of Al’s. 

“I just wanted a burger. One fucking burger… okay maybe two burgers because I skipped lunch but I just wanted burgers. And fries. What I didn’t want to see that motherfucker in a dark parking lot.” Ricky carefully exited the car and moved to stand next to, if slightly in front of, Winston, “There’re three of us and two of them but I’m not entirely convinced they’re not magical in some way which is what’s scary to me because I definitely know my parents didn’t have any other kids so the fact that there’s a mime twin of me means some fuckery is afoot.” He started to move cautiously towards the door of the restaurant, watching their mime-twins as he moved, “Maybe they won’t follow us in the restaurant? I mean it’s bright and well lit and maybe they don’t like crowds? We can hope? I don’t know. I’ve never had to deal with this before.” 

Orion was starving and had really been looking forward to lunch. At least, he had been. Until they pulled into the parking lot and saw those… things. He didn’t know how to describe them. He had thought Erin had just been playing a trick on him before. Until… well until he ran into the real Erin. And then when he was with Blanche also. Whatever those things were, it wasn’t human. And he hadn’t quite gotten around to mentioning them to Winston or Ricky. Despite it all… it seemed a little unbelievable. Besides, Ricky and Rio hadn’t exactly had that talk yet. About the supernatural. He climbed out of the car with Ricky and Winston, though he didn’t exactly want to. “Hey uh… so now is probably the best time to mention that I ran into one of these earlier this week.” He scratched at the back of his head nervously, deciding which parts to mention. The part where it had super strength, just like Rio himself? Or maybe the part where he murdered it and it… evaporated? What exactly had happened to it? “And it may or may not have tried to kill Blanche and I. So… uh- Maybe we should just eat somewhere else?”

Looking around, Winston decided that they were too hangry to deal with this bullshit, and yet as they conversed amongst themselves Winston noticed that the mimes were also mimicking their conversation. Their mouths moving exactly the same way as Ricky and Winston’s without any sound escaping. “Rio, next time you almost get murdered by something with Blanche please tell us, it usually comes back to bite us in the ass.” They laughed and looked back to the front of the restaurant. So close. But so far. “I don’t know if they’re going to let us go in and I don’t think that going somewhere else is going to stop them from following us or from just reappearing. Either way, I don’t think we can get away from them…” Winston looked at their mime who looked back at them with worrying intensity. “Any suggestions?” Winston’s mime moved on their own, without Winston moving first. It didn’t look away or move, it just took a slow, deliberate step forward.

“I love that girl but I swear every time something weird or creepy happens she’s always got a finger in the pie, as it were.” Ricky kept one eye firmly on the doppelgangers that were mimicking their every move, down to mouthing the same words that they were in the conversation. Which was when he noticed that his doppelganger was the same as him physically in every way; down to the (horrifyingly) black and white striped fangs that were revealed every time it opened its mouth to mimic his speech. He quickly clamped his mouth shut and turned his back to Rio, surreptitiously pointing at his mouth and then at the mime hoping Winston would get the message. He’d been about make some flippant comment about their enemies when the Winston Mime took a slow and unerring step towards them, “Oh that’s not good. That’s so not good. Rio… stay behind us. We should back slowly towards the car and get the fuck out of here.” 

“She’s… just unique.” Orion shrugged. It was true, she did somehow end up involved in everything. She had really become something of a social butterfly. Big change from high school. The Winston mime took a step towards the three and Rio instinctively jumped backwards. It was just a small step, and yet knowing what he knew, it was so terrifying. So far, their versions of the mimes seemed a bit less… murdery than Blanche and Rio’s. But they were also still a while away. Rio heard Ricky tell him to stand behind them and considered whether or not he should listen. Physically, Rio was the strongest of the three, though that didn’t speak much to his ability to protect them. Rio had almost gotten sick when he had killed his mime, and he and Blanche had cried about it. He followed Ricky’s advice, moving towards the car and reaching for the door handle, pulling at it feebly, the door unmoving. “Um… did you lock the door? It won’t open.”

“I won’t hear any shit talking about Blanche, it’s not her fault she’s got a heart the size of a house and all the bad luck of Kansas.” Winston jested of course, there were few people who were less likely to genuinely badmouth their friend then the three of them. Winston noticed the fangs and caught the look and gesture that Ricky shot his way. Winston had been hoping that it wouldn’t mean that their mime was the same, but then the door was locked and Winston knew exactly what was going on. “No, I definitely did not lock the door.” The central locking on their car had gone a long time ago and what did you know it, Winston had had the good fortune of leaving their keys in the car. Great. “I guess we have no choice but to …” looking around frantically they tried to think of an option but the mimes were heading towards them and they weren’t far away now. “Rio, try and stay out of the way I guess, there’s no point running… uh, you’ll see why.” Pulling their jacket off, Winston set it gingerly on the hood of the car. “I really didn’t want this to be the way I first did this.” Winston whined as they saw the other mime’s hands flicker and spark. It didn’t take it long to conjure this into a ball of fire and hurl it their way. “Move!” Winston shouted, tackling Rio to the ground. 

“Oh nobody here is talking shit about Blanche. I’d go to fucking war for Blanche. But she also does manage to find herself in the center of any and all weird supernatural shit in this town. Like literally all of it. I think it’s because she’s friends with literally everyone and everything.” Rio’s comment about the door made Ricky wonder exactly how similar their clones were because if Winston’s clone had the same level of magical ability that the real Winston had this could be incredibly dangerous. “Do you think they’ve got…” the rest of his sentence though was cut off by Mime Winston conjuring a ball of fire and tossing it directly at them, “Well that answers that question.” He looked at his own clone stalking slowly toward them, fangs bared sinisterly, “I THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS A LOT OF POTENTIAL AND WE SHOULD SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT WHERE THIS IS GOING. WHAT ARE WE? I THINK THIS COULD REALLY BE TRUE LOVE!!” His clone faltered in its tracks at this and Ricky couldn’t help but laugh a little “That probably says nothing good about me but that is a little bit funny at least” It quickly recovered from the existential terror of a committed relationship and continued moving towards them. “Fuck. This isn’t how I wanted to do this either.” he slid his false teeth out of his mouth and into the pocket of his jacket, baring his own fangs as the mime headed towards them, “You gotta take care of Magic Mike over there but I’ll try to take down Ricky 2.0.” He lowered his shoulder and charged, aiming for ribs that he hoped were as injured as his own were. 

Was that… fire? Orion tilted his head curiously as the magic seemed to appear from nowhere, and also moved closer and closer to them. He felt someone tackle into the side of him and the next thing he knew, Winston and Rio were on the pavement, Winston flattening Rio against the ground. “Woah. Thanks.” Rio muttered, lying there for a few moments as the gears in his head turned. There was a long moment of confusion as he finished the puzzle in his brain. Mime Rio had super strength. Rio had super strength. Blanche’s mime didn’t have super strength. Rio’s mime didn’t have fire powers. Winston’s mime did have fire powers. Which meant… “Holy crap.” Rio gasped, interrupted by Ricky’s yelling. Rio slid back onto his feet and watched Ricky take his… teeth out? Fake teeth. Right. In any other moment, Rio would be incredibly excited that he had been right. But they had other things to worry about at this exact moment, like Winston’s silent but deadly doppelgangar. “Just a heads up… these things aren’t human.” He began, realizing that that wasn’t exactly what he meant. “Or well.. Not that. The human part doesn’t matter. But they’re… not normal. When they die they sorta… poof into darkness.” It was the only thing that had let Rio get over the fact that he had killed it. Knowing it was some kind of demonic illusion or something was comforting.

“You’re welcome, and yeah, holy crap, you’re, I mean, I - this wasn’t how I wanted you to find out about this,” Winston popped up to their feet and summoned as much energy as they could muster. If this thing was them that meant that they could do the same thing right? So Winston just had to be smarter then themselves? That couldn’t be hard right? RIGHT? Winston looked as the flames sputtered out on the pavement and tried to think of something smart to do. But there wasn’t really all that many options. Winston looked around for something, for anything. Their mime was stood next to a car, which was probably as good as this was going to get. Focussing on the windscreen, Winston forced it to shatter, the chunks of glass shooting towards Magic Mime who had just conjured another fireball and prepare to hurl it in Rio’s direction. The glass seemed to shatter into smaller pieces as it approached Winston, but they focussed, forcing the panes towards them as they felt the energy pour out of them. They could do this, if they kept them busy then Winston Mime couldn’t hurt Rio. “Wait, you’ve already killed yours?” Winston felt sweat trickle down their brow, “Any tips?” 

Ricky had a moment of intense pride when he saw Winston, his Winston not the fucking freak in mime makeup, turn a car windshield into a magical shrapnel grenade. The moment however was short lived as his shoulder collided with his own mime clone, sending them both to the ground. Of course, since this was his cursed existence now, his mime made no noise to indicate whether or not Ricky had his freshly healed ribs with his shoulder, but the look of rage and pain that skittered across his face made him think he had, “Jesus we’ve all had the fantasy about fooling around with our clone but this is definitely not how I saw it going.” His moment of glib quippery was quickly cut short as his clone buried fangs into his shoulder “Fucking shit!” He attempted to roll away but Mime Ricky had a far firmer grip with his fangs than Real Ricky would have preferred. “I didn’t know these things were so fucking sharp!” He kneed the clone quickly in the groin, wincing with sympathetic pain but scurrying backwards as the mime released its fangs. “I didn’t wanna have to knee you in my balls but you didn’t give me much of a choice.” The mime started to stalk slowly towards him and Ricky took a low stance, “Winston. You good? I saw the windshield thing. That was dope. Rio? You good? Anybody have a gun?” 

“Uh I think they die like anyone else does, at least mine wasn’t especially hardy.” Orion shrugged, trying not to dwell too much on the feeling Rio had when that mime died. It hadn’t been a great feeling. But he was a bit less horrified once he realized that the things weren’t exactly… living. He stood between Ricky, in a full on fist fight with his mime clone and Winston, having some kind of mental magic standoff with his clone. All while Rio was standing there, doing nothing. Helpless and useless as per usual. He saw Winston’s mime preparing something else when the windshield by it shattered. Orion recoiled back before realizing that it had been the real Winston that had done it. Jesus that was cool. He couldn’t just stand here, watching them as their mimes tried to kill them, right? But from back here, what could he do? “Uh… I’m okay, all things considered. Please focus on your mime and not us.” He tried for a nervous laugh and held a thumbs up out to Ricky. “I don’t own a gun.” He stated as if this should be obvious. “Stay here. Keep them focused on your magic.” Rio said, finally forcing himself to move, staying low and practically crawling on all fours across the parking lot and closer to the restaurant. Maybe he could sneak up behind the mime like he had with his own, when it was trying to kill Blanche. Clearly, he was not being as sneaky as he thought he was, because Winston’s mime turned towards Rio and started conjuring up another fireball. “Oh god.” Rio mumbled, realizing that he was stuck between the building and a parked car. With nowhere else to go, he did the only thing he could think to do, he dove for the window. He crashed through the window just as the fireball crashed into him, tumbling over one of the booths and crashing into a mess of broken glass on the restaurant’s floor. His back ached against the broken glass and his side stung, “Ow.”

As Ricky did his best to keep his mime-ganger busy, Winston felt their energy all but pour from them. Their shrapnel bomb was a good idea, one that they were rather pleased with. But their mime didn’t have all that much trouble dealing with it. The glass shattered against an invisible barrier with a shattering cacophony that Winston would never have been able to imagine. Sweat poured from their body and their shirt clung to their skin, it was already damp from the perspiration and Winston could feel the material stick to their back as they released their latest spell and the remnants of the wind shield disappeared. Winston took a moment to breath but spotted the fireball a moment too late. It hurtled towards Orion, and might well have hit their friend as they went through the window of the restaurant, but Winston managed to deflect the bolt of fire a little, not much, but it didn’t kill anyone and although the customers in Al’s were already scattering via the fire exits, Winston didn’t exactly have time to think as mime Winston started chanting something in Latin. Winston didn’t need to know what they were planning to know that they had to deal with it now. The Latin words for death and decay had been said a total of three times. “Can’t talk gotta counter spell this shit,” Winston snapped to their friends as they spotted Rio, but they couldn’t stop chanting and they couldn’t allow the mime Winston to complete this ritual. 

Several things happened in quick succession that Ricky wasn’t necessarily the most thrilled about; firstly MimeWinston knocked Rio through the window of Al’s with a fireball and while Rio seemed fine, it wasn’t really how this was supposed to go. Secondly MimeWinston started chanting in Latin, which was nice for breaking the eerie silence of the whole mime routine but was concerning in that Ricky had seen enough horror movies to know where this was going. Thirdly… Mime Ricky appeared to have produced a knife from inside his incredibly tacky outfit and had changed his tack to head towards Winston, theoretically to attempt to stop his counterspell. “Not my fucking brother you stripey fuck.” Ricky picked himself up off the ground, ignoring the blood pouring from his shoulder and charged his clone once again; tackling him around the knees and sending him crashing to the ground, “White… and… black… stripes...are… not… our… color… scheme…” Each word of his diatribe was punctuated with as hard a punch as he could manage, at the very least trying to keep his clone distracted “RIO! ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!” the knife slashed for him and he rolled away at the last possible moment, “Are we gonna have to kill these things to stop this? Not that I’m against a very literal manifestation of kill your demons but I don’t think my therapist has any openings this week to talk me through this.” His mime snarled at him, licking his blood off of its fangs, “Oh that’s just gross. Come on dude, do us a little credit here. You’re making me look bad.” 

Orion laid on the floor of the restaurant for what felt like forever, not wanting to put his body through the strain of standing back up. But finally, after a deep breath and an internal conversation with himself while he stared at the ceiling, his body began to stir and he grabbed onto the booth’s table to help hoist himself up onto his knees. His body felt hot, which probably had something to do with the fireball that had come way too close to hitting him. He glanced down to find the side of his sweater completely singed, a reminder that it apparently had hit him. He glanced out of the window to find that Mime Ricky now had a knife that he was trying to take Ricky out with. And Winston was in a full on chant battle with their mime. Rio guessed that the whole silence thing didn’t seem to matter when it came to dead languages. Rio didn’t know what the spell was supposed to do, but he did know latin. And he knew that those words couldn’t mean anything good. He began pushing himself up onto his feet when a stabbing pain shot through his body. He glanced down to find a shard of glass protruding from his leg. “Oh. Great.” He took a deep breath, grabbing at the glass and pulling it from his leg with a yelp. “Ow, ow, ow.” He kept repeating to himself, raising his arms in a thumbs up towards Winston and Ricky. His sleeve may have been burnt, but at least it still covered his arms. He needed to find a weapon.

Were mimes supposed to chant? Winston was confused at why the thought struck them at that very moment but they were determined to finish their chant first. In reality they finished at the same time. Winston was drenched in sweat now, their bones felt like they were made out of lead and Winston wasn’t convinced that they would have been able to stand up if they weren’t already braced in place. They felt light headed. There was a flicker of sparks around the other mime who looked like they were in an equally precarious predicament and then light leaped from both of them and collided, whirling together for a second before blinking out of existence. Winston was not best pleased by the fact that what remained of their scant energy in that moment drained from their body. They felt faint, the pavement rushed up to meet them and Winston fell to the floor with a fairly visceral crunch. Pain exploded along their left side as their shoulder scraped the concrete and their vision swum in and out. Was this what Morgan and Nell had meant when they’d mentioned that magic could take too much from you? Had they taken it too far?

As far as trips out for burgers went this was probably the worst time Ricky had ever had. He looked up from his narcissists wet dream of tussling with his mime clone to see Winston hit the deck; whether from injury or exhaustion it was unclear “RIO!” Ricky shouted through the shattered window to the restaurant, tackling his clone as they once again tried to go for Winston. “Leave them the fuck alone!” he grunted as they hit the ground once more and Ricky felt a white hot pain lance through his thigh as the knife finally found purchase. “RIO. YOU GOTTA COVER WINSTON.” His mime scrabbled for purchase as he and the true Ricky rolled around on the ground, before Ricky managed to get ahold of the curly brown hair he loved so much. Yanking back as hard as he could he exposed his snarling clone’s throat and the pale black and white stripped skin “There is room for exactly one fucking Ricky Cordero on earth and it ain’t the fucking mime version.” His sharp fangs found purchase easily enough as he bit into the mime’s throat and ripped it out in a great gout of some disgusting tar-like substance. “Burn in mime hell you mute french fuck.” He spit the tar out of his mouth and pulled the knife from his leg, limping towards his fallen roommate “We gotta go!” 

Orion limped towards the counter of the new abandoned restaurant. He heard Ricky screaming his name from outside, and limped faster, the fresh wound from the glass still hurting. A good night’s sleep would mostly take away any of the limp, but the wound would probably scar if the glass went too deep. But that wasn’t important right now. He limped behind the counter and started scrounging around, finally settling once he got hold of a steak knife. He turned and bee lined it for the entrance. Pushing out of the door just in time for Ricky to spit some gross black liquid out of his mouth. Gross, but it must have meant that his mime had been taken care of. Which just left Winston’s. Both Winston and their mime seemed to be completely exhausted, whatever spell the two had been working on had done a number on both of them. Rio didn’t waste any time, he stalked up to the crumpled mime and fell on his knees besides it, plunging the heart into the mime’s chest. A few seconds later it exploded in a cloud of black and white striped smoke. Not human, not human, not human. That thing had to die. He pushed himself back onto his feet and jogged over towards Ricky and Winston, trying to ignore the pain in his leg. Orion wasn’t much for PDA. In fact, he wasn’t really comfortable with any form of intimacy in most cases, so it surprised even him when he got to Ricky and wrapped him into a hug first thing, “Holy crap! That was horrifying! And also really cool. Later we totally have to talk about the Selkie thing. Please don’t get that gross slime stuff on me.” Rio laughed, jerking away from Ricky and the gross liquid on his mouth. He swooped down to help Winston up, taking the chance to wrap them into a hug too, “I’m really glad none of us died. You’re amazing.” He took the opportunity to help Winston backup to their feet. Clearly, Winston was too exhausted to do anything at the moment, and Ricky looked like his leg might be hurt pretty bad too. But they would figure that out after this. “So uh… Guess this means I’m driving home then?”

It all happened in a blur, Winston couldn’t imagine what on Earth was going on but they could vaguely see Ricky and their mime scuffling then they moved out of view and Ricky came out wiping something dark from their mouth. Their head was spinning, everything seemed to throb and pulse and Winston gasped down several gulps of air. Suddenly Rio was by their side and hugging them. Almost delirious with exhaustion Winston clung to Orion still squinting at where their mime-ganger had lain, now there was just a weird smoke drifting away. Winston could’ve sworn that they were hallucinating but was it black and white? “Fuck, you guys were great, fuck has anyone got like anything to eat, I am fucking starving …” Winston looked over at the ruined restaurant and sighed, “fuck I guess we can’t eat there.” They tried to stand but faltered, leaning on Orion for support. “Please, take the keys, we’re going home now.” 

[yoonjinkooked]

lockdown | (m) - Chapter 1

moodboard by @flajka

pairing; jungkook/female OC genre; college au, strangers to lovers, smut and tiny bit of fluff too, humor ofc rating; explicit words; 4.900

— synopsis; Eunhee is in trouble and facing a deadline - in comes curly haired jungkook to save her life, make her laugh and maybe, just maybe, fuck her brains out. When the two end up locked in a building overnight, who knows what will happen?

warnings (for this chapter): cursing, OC really wants to murder Tae, banter, cute Kook, slightly cocky Kook, hints of sexual tension. Just an introduction chapter, really. 

A/N: I hope you enjoy the first part guys. I am now starting to work on Chapter 2 and will let you know when I plan on posting it.  Let me know what you think - I’m still a tumblr newbie and basically, I’m crappin my pants. 

With that being said, let’s start chapter 1 :)

In the life of a journalism major, there are a few life-changing, stress-inducing moments that essentially serve as a preview of what’s to come if you do decide stay on your chosen career path.

For me, a handful of these moments made me question anything and everything I have ever known about the career I’ve chosen to pursue back when I was 18 and frankly, a little bit stupid. One of these moments was back when I was doing an obligatory internship at a small, local newspaper, only to realize that the editors and big shots there expected me to do nothing more than to make them coffee and copy papers in their stead.

Another moment was when I attended my first murder trial, which probably would end up being a part of my future job, only to spend the entire afternoon wondering if this really is something I want to do for the rest of my life.

And the final moment, at least the final one that I can think of right now, is currently occurring, with me losing my shit as we are trying to get the final edition of this year’s university magazine ready for printing. And I, as one of two co-editors, will be the one to blame if anything goes wrong.

Half of my grade depends on this. My future job prospects depend on this. Whether or not the professor is happy can influence the direction of my masters’ next year. This is ride or die for me and I am losing it.

“Namjoon, where the hell is he?” I ask my co-editor, best friend and partner in crime. Who also happens to be the only person on this planet who is well equipped to deal with me losing my shit.

“I know as much as you do,” he reminds me, moving the phone away from his ear. “I am trying to reach him now. You panicking will not do us any good and it definitely won’t make Taehyung answer me sooner. So don’t panic and focus on the things we already have here and work with that. The photos aren’t the only thing we need to look over before it’s ready for print.”

I nod my head franticly, knowing deep down that he has a point but also knowing that won’t help me at all. It never does because whenever I am chasing a deadline, I follow the same line of action. Work, panic, panic some more, work, panic like the world is ending, forcefully calm down and then, finally, get shit done. I am not sure if I am on the ‘panic some more’ or ‘panic like the world is ending’ phase yet but as I run fingers through my hair, letting my nerves get the best of me, I am positive said hair is gray.

I hear Namjoon cursing under his breath but for the sake of getting things done, I ignore him for now and simply focus on the task at hand – proofreading. As long as I preoccupy myself with tasks that need to be done, I cannot focus on the fact that Taehyung is late, like he always is, despite it being the one time he truly needed to be on time.

So for the next few minutes, I go over several articles in the speed of light, once, twice, three times. No matter how much they’re using spell-check, our reporters still make mistakes and honestly, when I see my name below one title, I know I am not allowed to judge because I obviously do it too.

Campus activity, student achievements, published works and former alumni ‘look, they’re famous now’ column – all covered and grammatically perfect. And Namjoon is still trying to reach the one man we need the most right now. Slowly but surely, the other students are becoming less frantic and more calm and casual, because their tasks are all but finished. Namjoon, Hoseok and I? Not so much.

“Okay, what the hell?” Hoseok throws his pen rather violently on his desk. “He does this every time. Every damn time. I’m the designer – I need to go over everything and make sure the photos are put where they belong. How can I do that if I don’t have said photos?”

“Hoseok, I know I’m not the textbook definition of calm but we need to try to be,” I tell him, turning my chair to face him over our connected desks. “Try to design it somehow, leaving the space for the photos. Vertical or horizontal, I will find good photos to fit. And if I have to change something, I will.”

“Are you sure you can do that?” he looks doubtful, which is extremely insulting, since we have known each other for three years and have been working together for more than two.

“Basic editing? Yeah, I can do that,” I roll my eyes. “If you doubt my editing skills, you can stick around till midnight to check on me.”

“No way,” he shakes his head. “It’s Jimin’s birthday party tonight and you know I need to be there.”

“Are you serious?” I ask, not even sure why, since it’s absolutely obvious that he is dead serious. “This is the most important edition we’re going to release. We’ve been doing this for years and this is our grand exit, which we need to execute perfectly, and you’re telling me you want to go to a party?”

“I’ll be going too,” Namjoon covers the speaker of his phone to tell me. “Sure, this edition is a big deal and we want it done well but most is already done and this isn’t our entire life.”

“Oh please,” I reach for something, anything, and end up hitting him on the chest with a block of post-its. “You’re just going because you hope to hook up with Hyejin, even though we all know you will just end up drunk, alone and watching her from a distance.”

“How dare you?” Namjoon is flabbergasted.

“She isn’t wrong,” Hoseok chuckles, ignoring the glare Namjoon throws his way. “But he’s right about this not being our entire life. You will burn out, Eunhee. It’s been two weeks and you haven’t stopped thinking about this once,” he tells me, as if I needed to be reminded. “This is the final edition with you being the editor. You should celebrate, not stay here after hours and pulling the hair of your head.”

“With the two of you playing beer pong and complaining about girls ignoring you, someone has to be the responsible one,” I point out. “All of this is riding on the three of us and you’re just… gonna dump me?” the betrayal is evident in my voice and yet, neither one of them is bothered enough to look guilty. Before they’re co-editor and designer, they’re just stupid, horny students.

“It’s already done Eunhee,” Namjoon rolls his eyes. “The one doing the dumping here is Taehyung and you just told Hoseok you can handle the editing. If you’re not sure, you can send him your final version and he can fix it if it needs to be fixed.”

“I am not leaving that party to fix Taehyung’s mess,” Hoseok cuts in.

“Our mess,” I remind him. “We have until 4AM to send it. So long as you’re not wasted out of your mind, it’s doable. If you even need to fix anything. Taehyung is always late but he also always brings more than enough material for us to work with. He’s a jackass but a talented jackass.”

“And a jackass who can’t answer his phone,” Namjoon adds, throwing his phone on the desk, before sighing as he slumps down onto his chair. “I’m going to regret that,” he glares at his phone.

“I can’t force you to stay here and help me,” I mumble, watching as the student reporters casually leave our office space, not even bothering to say goodbye because it’s the final week – who cares, life goes on, we’re going to see each other eventually and our portion of work is done. “I can, however, remind you of this in the years to come, guilt tripping you into doing favors. Many, many favors.”

“You make it sound like you’re not already doing that half the time,” Hoseok points out.

“Not my problem you somehow always end up owing me one. Or two. Or five,” I shrug as I turn towards my laptop, planning on searching for some stock photos we might be able to use, if Taehyung doesn’t show up. I know that he always does, last minute or not, but I can’t leave anything to chance. While stock photos would be a cop-out of sorts, we need to have a plan B.

The next two hours pass in almost complete silence. An occasionally sigh would leave Hoseok and every now and then, Namjoon would curse under his breath as he tries to reach Taehyung for what has to be the hundredth time – so far, to no avail. The panic I felt earlier had already left my system so I was able to focus on other things, all the while ignoring what seems to be our pending doom.

The sun had set and the lights are now on and that son of a bitch is still not answering his phone.

“You know, at this point I’m starting to wonder if we have better chances of finding him at Jimin’s party,” Hoseok breaks the silence. “I’m done with all the pages, I left enough space for all kinds of photos and there’s literally nothing more that we need to do.”

“Speak for yourself,” I mumble as I open the email he just sent me, showing the draft for the final version of the magazine. It looks as amazing as possible, seeing as 98% of photos are missing – instead, white blocks serve as breaks between long rows of text. “You know what? You two go. Go and have fun and if you find him, kick his ass. There’s no way he’d ever miss Jimin’s party. I’ll stay here and finish this up and when you send him to me, I’ll kick his ass too,” I tell them.

“Eunhee, are you sure?” Namjoon walks over to my desks and leans on it, giving me what I can only describe as a look of pure and utter pity. “I don’t want to leave you hanging; you’re not the only one with the responsibility here.”

Seeing as I am the only one that will sit Jimin’s birthday party out, I kind of am, but I do not say it. “It’s okay Joon,” I reassure him. “Go. Have fun. Try to get some with Hyejin. I’ll take care of this, it’s not like it’ll be the first time I pull an all-nighter. Just find that bastard and get those photos to me.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Hoseok stands up and throws a bag over his shoulder. “We will find him and I will do my best to stay sufficiently sober if you need my help. Which, if you do, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?” I nod, knowing I would rather fix it myself than have drunk Hoseok ruin it. He’s majestic with the editing software but when drunk, he can’t even walk straight, much less edit.

“Just make sure to get his USB to me, even if you have to kill him to make it happen,” I remind them. Namjoon is still worried but I roll my eyes at him, which apparently is the sign he needed to get his things and leave. I wave them out, surprisingly relieved to have the office for myself.

I am a decent team player but the last couple of years have shown me that I do my best work when I do it alone. Not to say that I take all the credit – hell no. Joon is the editor as much as I am and half the work is done by him but at times like these, I just want him out and away, busy with Hyejin. This way, if it’s a mess – it’s my mess. If it’s a work of art – it’s my work of art.

With a coffee in one hand and glasses of my head, I go over last year’s photo folder – that’s a better plan B than some basic stock photos. Some of the photos look like a decent backup – our campus hasn’t changed much over the last couple of months, after all. As long as I avoid last year’s seniors, I might be able to pull off plan B without anyone except a handful of us knowing the truth.

Even the swimming team – they have won gold last year, they have won gold this year too. The members are all the same, no new freshmen, no seniors last year. If my memory serves me well, all of them kept their natural hair colors and I can totally use said photo in this month’s edition. Sure, Jimin and the rest of the team will probably know what’s up but that’s nothing a round of beer can’t fix.

Look at me – such a professional. Bribing my way to get the work done. Yay.

In the midst of scrolling, I pause to glance at the clock – it’s almost ten and still no sign of Taehyung. Stifling down the pending panic, I take a deep breath and decide to play some music, hoping to distract myself more. While 80s rock has its charms, I still fidget as I scroll through folders upon folders, grabbing hold of my favorite koala mug again and downing the rest of the coffee in one go. Needing something to distract me further, I open the top drawer of my desk, grabbing the emergency M&Ms I’ve kept there for a few weeks now, knowing I was bound to pull an all-nighter sooner or later.

Just as I down a handful of candy, someone knocks on the office door and I nearly choke. I cough, make sure a lone M&M is not going to kill me, take a deep breath and shout a ‘come in’.

The little hope I have deflates as I realize it’s not Taehyung, the bastard himself – instead, it’s a guy I know, but not really. Tall, wavy brown hair, wide brown eyes and a slightly dumbfounded look, hidden under the hood of his black sweatshirt as he barely steps inside the office, still with one foot out as if he is ready to run.  

I am positive I know him. I’m sure we have class together, or had the year before. Or perhaps we just have classes in the same building – I know I’ve seen him before, in the background, on the side, but for the life of me, I can’t put a face to the name.

“Can I help you?” I ask, once he doesn’t speak up for a few moments.

“Yeah,” he snaps out of his daze, tilting his head before reaching for his pocket – I keep my eye on his hands, half expecting him to draw a gun and shoot me in place. “Taehyung sent me to give you this,” he says as he pulls out a USB stick out of his pocket.

Finally, I can breathe. Finally, I know I will manage to get this done tonight. “Thank fuck,” I sigh, closing my eyes for a second before opening them up again and realizing I have just confused the shit out of him. “I was positive the jackass would leave me hanging. I would have murdered him in cold blood.”

“He’d never do that,” the guy smiles at me, a smile that evaporates as quickly as it appeared; making me wonder if I even imagined it. “If he had told me sooner, you wouldn’t have to wait. He texted me like 10 minutes ago, telling me that I need to bring this to the office.”

“He left the stick with you and didn’t tell you what it’s for?”

“No, he asked me to edit the photos,” he tells me. “Oh. You don’t… I’m the G.C.F guy. I’m the other photographer,” he explains and suddenly, the little boxes in my head fall into their designated place.

Taehyung had a photography partner. I’d say a solid half of the photos we’d print were Taehyung’s, and the others belong to the guy always signed as JJK, G.C. F; I have never met him, never asked for his name and before tonight, he had never showed up in the office.

And now I can remember the guy more clearly – he always had a camera, either hanging around his neck or covering his face as he would relentlessly take photos.

“Ah, now I get it,” I smile. “I’m Eunhee, the editor.”

“I know,” he tells me. “Jeongguk.”

Yep, I know the name. It’s all clicking now.

“Well don’t just stand there Jeongguk,” I tell him as I stand up; I walk around my desk and start Hoseok’s PC, knowing that he has a better editing software ready to go. “I’m going to need your help for this. Everyone else is getting shitfaced at Jimin’s so if you’re up for it, you’re going to be the one to help me get this edition ready by 4AM. You up for it?”

Honestly, I’m not particularly surprised when he doesn’t answer me straight away – it’s not like I’m offering him free food, drinks and a night he’ll remember – quite the opposite, I’m offering him a night full of work. Simply put, I’m begging him to help me, without actually openly begging.

“Sure,” I hear him shuffle around as he puts his backpack down on the ground. “Where do you need me?”

"Just get yourself a chair," I wave my hand around the room, staring at nothing as I try to figure out where should we start from. I suppose that from the beginning is the only real answer to that one. "Hobi had set it all up for me to finish but I think I need to see what you've brought me, see what i have to work with," I decide, turning to Jeongguk, just in time to see him drag Namjoon's desk chair from the corner of the office.

"All of them are edited and ready for use," he reassures me with a tight smile as he joins me behind the desk, a good foot between our chairs. Noticing that he still has his hood up and covering half of his face, I bite my tongue and decide not to wonder why - he has his reasons, I suppose.

"Then we just need to decide what goes where and that is where you come to my rescue."

"What makes you think that should be my call?" he asks, not bothering to hide his surprise.

"Well, you're a photographer," I announce, as if the guy is not aware of his profession. "Doesn't that officially make you a better judge when it comes to esthetic mumbo jumbo?" I ask, because I truly don’t know. I am not familiar with the job requirements a photographer needs to fulfill, other than to have a camera, of course. I simply imagine they have some sense of beautiful. Wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong about something and that is why I ask – there’s no shame in not knowing.

After a beat of silence Jeongguk looks at me, keeping direct eye contact for one whole second, which is time enough for me to conclude that he is cute, ridiculously so. Cute in a way that no man in his early 20s is allowed to be. Yet not cute enough to make me focus on him instead of the task before us.

"I guess so," he tilts his head as i force my jaw shut - now is not an appropriate moment for ogling. "Aren't you the boss lady though?"

"Boss lady," I test the nickname and roll my eyes. "Difficult to work with, perhaps. Bossy? Don’t think so. But I’m taking it because I obviously need your help tonight - I am good with words, not at making them look good on paper."

“What you need to do here is not that hard,” he waves at the monitor and I turn to look at him. “Deciding on which photo should go where depends on… the overall page. The colors, the neighboring photos and countless other things. There are no rules – just feeling. Photography is feeling,” he waves his hands about as he talks, completely immersed in his explanation and making me wonder if he’s talking about this particular problem or just photography and its misconceptions in general.

“No rules?” I ask through a chuckle. “That’s not what people told me when I took a selfie from a downward angle.”

To my shock and frankly, shame, he stares at me in silence, blinking once, twice, three times. I gulp. “That was supposed to be a joke,” I elaborate in a low voice, as I hope that the ground will split in two and just swallow me into a never-ending dark hole. Or that Hobi’s PC will finally be usable.  

“Oh. Okay.”

Well, this settles it then – absolutely no possibility of mild, harmless flirtation. That flat-lined reaction will end up being a source of trauma for me in the years to come – I just know I will end up awake at 3AM in like five years, thinking of how awkward this particular moment was.

“Finally,” I feel relieved now that I can actually work with Hobi’s PC – I slide the flash in, on the first go. I nearly celebrate the seemingly impossible victory but I decide to hold myself back. If Jeongguk can’t take a joke, he will probably think I am insane if I behave like I normally would. “Now let’s see what we have here,” I mumble, opening the pop up. One folder named 1 – I open it. I click on the first photo, of a group of students sitting on grass and talking (looks absolutely staged but based on what I know about Taehyung and his G.C.F partner, they don’t roll that way). I smile when I see a photo of our swimming team huddled up together, gold medals hanging around their necks – I won’t have to use last year’s photos after all. “These are really good. Perfectly edited too. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, it’s my job,” Jeongguk mumbles as he eyes the photos I scroll through. I can no longer tell if he’s serious or joking and I simply give it up altogether – who cares?

“This will fit perfectly,” I mumble as I finish going through the bunch of photos and end up on the first one – the one with a bunch of people that looks absolutely staged. I exit and go back to the folder, then back to the original one. It’s as if I could feel, actually physically feel, my heart slowly sliding down inside of my body. I go back and open the folder again, looking as the fear slowly grows in me. “Jeongguk, where are the other photos?” I somehow manage to utter.

“They’re all there,” he tells me, his eyes going wide when he notices the look of pure and utter horror on my face. “Taehyung told me you need 20 photos, no more, no less. There are 24, I added 4 more just in case, if you didn’t like some of them… Eunhee, what is going on?”

My chest goes up and down frantically as I try to calm the whole tornado of emotions that starts within me. Panic, worry, sadness and more than anything else, anger. Pure anger. “I will murder him.”

“What? Who will you… Taehyung?”

“I said,” I slowly speak, pausing for deep breaths. “200 photos. 200 photos, no more, no less. 200 from which we would end up using more than 100. I said 200, not 20.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, oh shit.”

“What… where are you going?” Jeongguk asks as I jump off my chair and nearly fly over the desk to grab my handbag. I throw my phone inside of it and turn to look at him, only to find him flinching away from me. Apparently, I look as angry as I feel.

“I am going to Jimin’s birthday party,” I announce. “Where I will grab Kim Taehyung by the neck, drag him outside, throw him onto the ground and murder him in front of the entire student body. I’m thinking strangulation is the way to go. You should come too, take a few photos of it for the delayed magazine edition.”

“No!” Jeongguk snaps but I am already heading towards the door. His hand wraps around my wrist and he drags me back towards the desk.

“What?”

I don’t know what else to say because why the hell did he pull me like that?! I wasn’t actually going to murder Taehyung, no matter how much I might want to do so.

Jeongguk rolls his eyes at me and I feel even more stupid than he made me feel minutes ago. The nerve. “If you go there and yell at Taehyung, or even kill him in cold blood, you’re just going to end up wasting valuable time,” he tells me. Okay, true, I can’t argue with him on that one. “Not to mention that you won’t get the photos. He doesn’t have them on him at all times and even if he did, they aren’t edited.”

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that I am fucked? Like, missionary, sideways, in the ass fucked?”

“I wouldn’t choose that particular wording, but yes,” he sighs. “If you stay here, you’re not fucked. Just… follow me. It’ll make sense soon,” he seems impatient as he grabs hold of my wrist again and this time, he drags me out the door. I actually stumble to keep up with him, too confused to even ask him what the flying fuck he is doing and where the hell we’re going. He walks fast and with him dragging me behind him, I have no choice but to break into a light jog to keep my arm attached to my body.

Down the hallway and to the left, Jeongguk drags me towards the last door, in front of which he finally stops. He starts fidgeting and feeling himself up and down. It takes me a moment to realize that he is looking for the keys. “What are we doing here, what is this place?”

“This,” he unlocks the door and smiles at me mischievously. “Is my office.”

As soon as he turns on the light, it all makes perfect sense – it’s a darkroom. A darkroom which I had no idea existed, even though I have spent a bigger part of my college education just down the hallway. “Don’t just stand there, come on in,” Jeongguk urges me but I do not move. The hood that still covers half of his face, paired with the room’s red light, is making him look pretty ominous.

“No thanks, these places are as creepy as they seem in movies.”

Jeongguk laughs and shakes his head. “They’re not creepy. Suit yourself.”

“What the hell are we doing here?” I ask, feeling my earlier agitation return. Fix the mess then kill Taehyung. Stopping by a darkroom was not on my to-do list. “How the hell can this help?”

“As I said, this is my office,” he tells me and I see him rummaging through the top drawer in one of the desks that are lined up against a wall. “I keep my work here. Some, not all. Useless work mostly. Random campus photos I take just because I think the moment is worth capturing.”

“While that is very poetic and deep, how the heck can that help us now?”

“Haven’t I just said I take random campus photos?” he asks in annoyance. “I have at least one flash drive with random photos like the ones you might need. I’m a good photographer and,” he waves his hand and I notice something black in it – he walks over to me, takes my hand and puts the flash into it. “I’m the one who will make your words look good on paper.”

It’s not what he said – it’s the way he said it. For the first time tonight, his hood did not block my view of his entire face. The way his eyebrows lifted, followed by a smug smile and head tilt, my heart went into overdrive. His expression and the fact that he is a solid foot taller than I am makes it so easy for me to feel tiny, irrelevant, overpowered.

Despite being the talkative one of the duo, I am speechless for a moment because good lord, does he look hot right now. Like… please slam me against the wall and leave hickeys down my neck hot.

“Come on boss lady,” he laughs down at me. “Work awaits.”

What the fuck happened to the shy guy who couldn’t keep eye contact for longer than a second?! He is giving me whiplash! I again have to run to catch up with him but I do it without complaining, realizing that for tonight, he is my lifeline. This random dude who’s good at photography is my only hope.

Tonight’s going to be a very long night.

[basileusgerudo]

William’s Backstory

I had the weirdest god damn dream and I’m pretty sure it was just my William taking over my brain and laying out his life story.  I’m just copy pasting it directly in here, so it will be written as a dream, but, this is officially William’s backstory.

Big oof.

So like, it happened in the house but the layout was a bit different because my computer was in the corner of my room, and there’s usually a window and my a/c unit there, but all that was gone.  So it was truly just in the corner.  And mom was with me for some reason and wanting me to google something, or whatever, but the desktop was acting really weird so I held the power button down to restart it but it was taking a really long time??  And when it finally restarted it instantly came back on and a Fuck Ton of red nonsensical text appeared and just scrolled on and on and *on* until it stopped, went black, and then formed a face made of text.

He called himself ‘William Afton’ and the face looked like him, not like any one specific version, but like, I was looking at him dead in the cyber-eye and I knew it was him?  Anyway, he said via text that if we wanted to make out of this encounter alive, I’d have to play his game(s) and of course I didn’t believe him, it felt so vividly real that I figured something was fucking up so I said, out loud, “You’re lying, you can’t be real, this isn’t real, I remember laying down for a nap so this must be just a dream.” And he replied,

>Not real? >Just a dream?

>Well, how about I give your leg a poke then.

>Does this feel real to you, Catherine?

And I felt a pressure on my leg and, of course, freaked the fuck out and just told him to go away, there’s no way this was actually happened, etc., and the entire time I was freaking out the screen was being filled with nothing but laughter like:

>hahahaha(etc. etc.)

But then he threatened mom and said if I wouldn’t play along he’ll just have to “toy with her instead” and I flipped my damn shit cause me and mom are really close and I wouldn’t forgive myself if she got hurt because of me and I just remember sobbing and begging him not to hurt her to let her leave the room and I’ll do as you say, whole nine yards.  He agreed and she left and went and sat in the living room, I guess, but I still didn’t want to play his games because they were like, 8-bit pixel fnaf style mini games of killing kids, so I just started talking to him to stall for time.

And somehow we got into a conversation into his home life and told me about his father, whose name was also William Afton, and how his father was an abusive alcoholic and would beat him and his siblings, he had a younger sister and a younger brother, he was the oldest of the three.  I never got ages but anyway, his dad ended up killing his younger sister b/c he beat the shit out of her so bad and then when the cops showed up (i think the neighbors called?), his dad had William lie or

>He’d do the same thing to me that he did to her.

>And I was terrified, so, of course, I lied.

I started feeling really bad for him so we just kept talking, only it wasn’t because I wanted to stall, it was mainly b/c he seemed really lonely and I figured he hadn’t had a real conversation with someone in a long time.  The next thing he tells me about is the first time he ever killed someone.

>School was the only safe place we all had.

>I always like learning, I made sure to get good grades.

>I suppose because I thought that would make him proud of me, but he never cared.

>I could’ve stayed home a whole week and he wouldn’t have cared.

>Would have just given him more time to beat me.

>So, when I found out my brother was being bullied, I snapped.

>I made him tell me who, what grade, what class he shared with them.

>They were a class above me but I was taller than him, I was taller than nearly everyone in the school, so I had a clear advantage.

>They put up a fight.

>I didn’t know how to punch, but I copied what my father did, how he held his fist, and landed in a few decent hits.

>I suppose he could see he was losing so he ran but I chased after him and I tackled him.

>There was a cinder block nearby so I used it to bash his head in.

>I’ve never felt more powerful in my life.

And I told him I understood why he did it and he accused me of lying but then I went on a whole rant about how I was bullied back in school and my brother would always look out for me (not to the extent of Literal Fucking Murder™) but that I really did understand where he was coming from.  I think he said thank you, or seemed appreciative to some degree, and then I kinda shifted the subject b/c I said,

“Wait, where’s your mom in all this?”

Because he hadn’t mentioned her once.  So then he tells about how he started Afton Robotics and how his mother came into his life and then promptly out of it.

>My mother was just as much a monster and just as guilty as my father.

>She left us soon after my sister was born because she couldn’t take the abuse anymore.

>I begged her to take at least the baby and my brother with her, I would stay behind, as long as they were safe.

>I’ll remember what she said to my dying day.

>”I never wanted any of you, your father just wanted more punching bags.”

>So she left and I’ve hated her ever since.

“William, I’m so sorry.”

>It’s alright, you have no need to apologize.

>You did nothing wrong.

“I know, but I’m still sorry.  You didn’t deserve any of this.  Your siblings didn’t either.”

>...Thank you.

“I only feel a bit terrible for asking but did you ever kill your Dad?  Take over the household, all that jazz?”

>Oh, yes, of course.

>He was drunk one night, too drunk to put up a fight, so I hauled him to his feet but it didn’t quite finish him off.

>So I snapped his neck.

>I told the cops the same exact thing I told them years ago.

>”He fell down the stairs Officer, he’s always been a bit of a drunk and I guess he just lost his balance.”

>They believed me, of course.

>I was free to take over the house, the money, and I went to college and worked on a Robotics degree, started my own business and my own company, Afton Robotics.

>I ran it out of my garage, mind you, but it was successful.

“That’s great!  I mean- minus the murder, but he really fucking deserved it.”

>He did.

>Thank you, for understanding.

>I suppose I should apologize for threatening you.

“It’s okay, you didn’t actually hurt me or Mom, so don’t worry about it.  Tell me more about Afton Robotics.”

>Very well.

>Did I ever mention I had a penchant for the joy of creation?

“No?”

>Well, I did.

>I do, still.

>Ever since I killed that bully, felt such a high, I wanted to keep it.

>I read up on creation and God and decided that if he could make life, so could I.

>So I shifted my focus to technology, robotics, how to build them from scratch, which leads back into the founding of Afton Robotics.

>I was *finally* good at something so I wanted to make some money from it.

>I made kittens, puppies, and small birds for people, sold them as ‘Never-Dying Pets.’

>”Get your child a friend that’ll last them a life-time!”

>It was a hit.

>It was a stable income and it helped when my father’s money, which wasn’t much, eventually ran out.

>I kept the house stable, funded my way through college, and kept it up for a few years.

>But then business dwindled.  My creations weren’t life-like enough anymore.

>Too cold, too clinical.  That’s when I remembered something from my short stint in studying religion.

>Souls.

>My creations didn’t have souls, didn’t have *true* life.

>I decided to give it to them.

>I didn’t want to harm any animals, though so people did just fine.

>I adjusted my robots accordingly - making small dolls was far easier than animals, actually.

>And children are such fragile creatures; so easy to win their favor with promises of candy, of fun, of a friend.

>That’s when I discovered Remnant.

“What is that?”

>Without going into the finer details, it is a substance that is in everyone.  It is in you.  It is in me.

>Children have more of it, everyone does when they’re young, but when they age, it spreads and disperses.

>Much like a soul, it never truly goes away.

>But, given its abundance, it was always far easier to collect it from children.

“But you watched your sister die, didn’t you feel bad?”

>Not at all.

>You see, when my sister died in my arms, she looked so peaceful.  Happy.

>Death, in itself, must be happy.

>I always singled out children who looked sad, were lost, crying.  Unhappy.

>That was the best lure I used: what better thing to offer a sad, lonely child but a chance to be happy forever?

“I… don’t agree with that but, okay. How does your mom factor into all this?”

>It’s alright, I don’t expect you to.

>She factors in because she figured out I had money and she wanted it.

>She called me, of all things, didn’t even bother to track me down, come back to the house.

>Told me she’d heard of my success and so sorry about your father’s accident.

>It didn’t even phase her when I told her about my sister’s death. >That’s when I decided I would kill her too.

>So I told her to come to the house, we could talk about money, and she fell for it.

>She came a few days later.

>She didn’t even apologize for abandoning us.

>She only begged for mercy as I stabbed her until the screaming stopped.

He also never mentions his brother again so I really really don’t know what happened there, other than I guess he left home.  I don’t think he wanted to hurt his only sibling and I guess I didn’t ask or don’t remember, but the next thing I remember is him telling me about Fredbear’s Family Diner.

>I came up with the idea for the Diner when I was nearly caught killing another child.

>I had to come up with something inconspicuous, something that would let me hide the bodies until I could be rid of them properly.

>So I went back to college, got an undergrad in Business, and started to draft blueprints for a bigger animatronic.

>A golden bear.

>Gold is such a soft color, pleasing on the eyes, and I often saw children with stuffed bears, I thought, “what better animal to make full scale than a bear?”

>It took me a year to develop the springlock suit - I’ll get into that in a bit - and then another year to develop the second animal, a golden rabbit.

>I’ve always loved rabbits, such soft, innocent creatures.  Until they aren’t.

“What do you mean?”

>Rabbits are adorable.

>But they are unnerving to some.

>Empty, soulless eyes.  Sharp teeth.  *Quick.*

>A predator hiding behind soft fur.

“Kinda like you.”

>Yes!

>Yes.

>That’s why I made the rabbit suit for me.

>I would become a symbol of innocence, something children would love.

>I would take them away, take the lonely and the sad, and I would make them happy forever.

>I would let them live their happiest day forever.

>I would give them a family.  *My* family.

“William-”

>So I started Fredbear’s Family Diner.

>There were games, pizza, prizes, and of course, two brand new forever friends.

>Fredbear and Spring Bonnie.

>It was an immediate success.

>And the suits, oh, the wonderful springlock suits.

>They were even better, my magnum opus.

>A creation of duality, like rabbits.

>Something that could be worn by an animatronic skeleton or worn by myself.

>I was always in the rabbit suit, I was careful to never let anyone see my face.

>I hired someone as a faux manager, someone easy I could manipulate, and if they ever showed signs of betrayal, I ‘fired’ them and hired another.

>And it was much easier to lure a lost child away, into the back, with promises of meeting Fredbear.

>With a chance to play with me.

>A friend.

>I would stuff their bodies into Fredbear after I’d collected their remnant and their soul.

“Could you collect remnant from the managers you ‘fired?’”

>Caught on to that, did you?

>Clever.

>Yes, I could.

>Like I said before, remnant never truly goes away, it simply thins out.

>A few factors make it collect within the body, but I found fear to be the most enjoyable.

“Why not give adults a happy ending?”

>Because adults are cruel.

>They’ve lost their childhood innocence.

“More like they can see past your act.”

>Haha.

>Yes, I suppose that too.

>I cannot offer an adult candy and pizza and get the same excitement from a child given the same offer.

I kinda lost the plot after that because someone broke into the house and tried to steal the living room T.V. so I chased them off and then me and mom had to run for some reason and the backyard was hella foggy and there was construction equipment everywhere.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[entwinedmoon]

John Torrington: A Star Is Born

(Previous posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

John Torrington was just a boy from Manchester who had the unlucky fate of dying first in an expedition that would have no survivors. The names of the men buried on Beechey Island ended up in newspapers after the discovery of their graves in 1850, one of the first traces of Franklin’s men, and an omen of what would later be realized. For people studying the Franklin mystery, Torrington was a breadcrumb, the first hint of a trail to the answer of what happened to the ships and crew. But beyond that, he wasn’t an officer with a list of accomplishments, he wasn’t a noteworthy member of the crew, he had no one coming forward to tell of his great exploits and achievements. To the many people wondering what happened to the expedition, he was just a name on a headboard.

In 1984, the world finally put a face to that name. A face that defied the passage of time but had become distorted, twisted in a death grimace by the ice. A face that could give grown adults nightmares.

A face that the media slapped onto every newspaper and magazine they could find.

(WARNING: Pictures of pictures of mummies under the cut. Yes, pictures of pictures.)

The level of preservation of Torrington (and Hartnell, but he didn’t get as much attention) was truly remarkable, unlike any mummy people had seen before. It makes sense why this discovery would be shared around the world, but there was often a sense of morbid curiosity in the way it was presented.

ABC World News Tonight had Peter Jennings introduce a brief news story about Torrington’s exhumation by describing it as “like something from a Science Fiction movie” and “a bizarre story with images to match.” Torrington landed in the Science section of Time, a black and white version of his soon-to-be-famous photograph displayed prominently next to a short article title “Trapped in Time,” as if Torrington had been frozen alive and was now released, free to walk the earth again like the undead.

The same week Time published their short article, Newsweek published an article, “Answers from an Icy Grave,” three times as long as the piece in Time and with a color photograph to boot. Torrington’s picture was captioned “Sailor Torrington: Doomed expedition,” as if the macabre image of his frozen face didn’t properly convey the sense of doom by itself.

Then, of course, there was People.

At the end of each year, the popular magazine names 25 of the most intriguing people of the year. In 1984, John Torrington was granted the honor of being on that list. Flipping through pages filled with celebrities such as Bruce Springsteen, Richard Gere, Tina Turner, and even Bill Murray, you’ll find, just after a lovely picture of Vanessa Williams, the now famous black and white photo of Torrington’s frozen grimace staring back at you. His article gets two pages while poor Vanessa only gets one.

Looking at the media in late 1984, there was definitely a trend.

(Yes, I did buy all three of those. Apparently, there are plenty of people out there selling 35-year-old magazines—and enough of us weirdos willing to buy them.)

Not everyone was so supportive of the exhumation, however. In a letter to the editor in The Times in London, a man claimed to be “appalled” by the disturbance of the graves on Beechey. But he seemed to be in the minority. When Owen Beattie and his research team returned to Beechey Island in 1986 to autopsy Hartnell and Braine, they were accompanied by a documentary crew from Nova. Torrington’s image had captivated the world, and that meant the world wanted to see what else the permafrost of Beechey had to offer. Nova would air its documentary on the autopsies of Hartnell and Braine, “Buried in Ice,” in 1988. A picture of Torrington made a brief cameo, but Hartnell and Braine got to be the stars in this one.

And then there was the book, the book, the one that many a Franklin fan admits was the spark that lit the fire of obsession and that would inspire authors, artists, and even musicians. Frozen in Time, written by Owen Beattie and John Geiger, was first published in 1987, and it became a bestseller. It would later be revised, complete with an introduction by author Margaret Atwood, in 2004, and again in 2017, with bonus material about the discovery of Franklin’s ships. I have three different copies, which is a normal amount to have.

Interestingly, in an article from the Associated Press after the second round of exhumations, it was reported that two books would be published about the findings, and that there were thousands of photographs to be released. If there’s a place where I could find these thousands of photographs, I would be thrilled, but I’ve never stumbled across so many. And there was never a second book published, at least not about the Franklin Expedition. Beattie and Geiger would write about a different Arctic tragedy, the 1719 expedition of Captain James Knight. That book, Dead Silence, did not go on to have the same level of fame as Frozen in Time, but then again, it didn’t feature mummies and lead poisoning.

Okay, I know I just said there wasn’t a second book about the Franklin Expedition from Beattie and Geiger, but that’s not exactly true. There wasn’t a second book—unless you count the children’s book, Buried in Ice.

Buried in Ice wasn’t really a new book. It didn’t present any new information, it was basically just the condensed version of Frozen in Time for kids, because you know how kids love dark, morbid stuff. No, seriously, they do. Most books about mummies that I’ve found are geared toward kids, and, of course, who didn’t go through a dinosaur phase at some point in their youth? Kids love creepy stuff, so of course John Torrington graced the cover of a book meant to be read by middle schoolers, including one middle schooler who would bring the book home to show his younger sister, who would completely freak out and then many years later write a series of blog posts about the scary dead guy on the cover.

Oh yeah, and he’s on the back cover too:

Don’t worry, I don’t have three copies of this one. I only have two.

What? The hardcover came with a poster!

It’s not just kids who love creepy stuff. The morbidity of the topic has attracted many adults, too. The Franklin Expedition is a subject filled with darkness—two ships vanishing into the Arctic, a crew with no survivors, desperate men resorting to cannibalism after being driven mad by lead poisoning, bones lying scattered across desolate ground where men fell as they walked, and yes, the ice mummies. In her introduction to Frozen in Time, Margaret Atwood described Torrington as looking “neither fully dead nor entirely alive.” His half-open eyes suggest that he’s seconds away from opening them all the way, but the exposed teeth suggest that he’ll be lunging for your throat when he does. In the book Arthur C. Clarke’s Chronicles of the Strange and Mysterious, the Franklin Expedition gets treated as a bizarre mystery alongside the likes of spontaneous human combustion, and it’s a picture of Torrington that introduces the topic, an obvious attempt at playing up the spookiness of the subject. Many online articles and websites today also use the pictures of Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine to lure in viewers with the creep factor.

But Torrington didn’t solely become creepy, undead-looking, reader-bait—although there are those who have used him as such—he also became the poster boy for the expedition itself. Sure, it was Sir John Franklin’s expedition, but it was an ordinary, working-class sailor who managed to withstand the ravages of time and came to represent what the crew looked like to the modern world. In various documentaries, books, and articles about Franklin’s expedition, Torrington and the Beechey Boys usually get at least a brief shoutout, and whenever a picture is used of them, more often than not it’s Torrington. His frozen face—young yet somehow aged, alive yet dead—came to represent the tragedy of the story. He stood in for every sailor who left Britain, thinking they’d come home triumphant, but instead met their untimely fate far from the ones they loved. It literally put a face on the crewmen who ventured into the Arctic with Franklin, never to return. In a way, Torrington gained a second life, his story finally heard, his name not forgotten.

Next: Torrington’s influence on the arts, starting with the songs inspired by his exhumation.

<<Back | Next >>

Torrington Series Masterlist

[but-thats-its-own-story]

Nemesis, SOMA, and what Weller is saying without saying: A Nightmare-Fuel gen:LOCK Theory/Essay

[Spoilers, for gen:LOCK through episode 5, and for the psychological horror game SOMA (and minor spoilers for an older season of CW’s The Flash)]

First, let me start by saying gen:LOCK is fantastic, and I can’t wait to see more. 

Part of what makes it, or any show like it for that matter, so fantastic, is the use of background detail to reveal incredible amounts of information before it’s necessarily relevant to the plot. That way when it does become plot-relevant, it feels like it’s been there all along, because it has.

Sometimes this is overt, like Migas hinting at Chase’s wings, or Cammie considering how to modify her holon’s legs to better suit her (despite both of these modifications already being revealed in full during the opening credits, which makes the choice to make them slow reveals of information we already have an interesting one).

Other times it’s subtle. Like Valentina being very specific about which variant of their name Kazu uses, because they switch names when they switch genders.

Here I propose to use background information of both kinds to predict the origin of Nemesis. The origin. Not the identity- that’s all but been revealed to be Chase. 

But not our Chase. 

At least... 

Not anymore.

Forgive the obligatory pun here but I’ll cut to the chase; If you’ve played or watched a playthrough of SOMA you likely see what I’m getting at:

I theorize Nemesis is a copy of Chase’s mind from an earlier attempt at gen:LOCK that wasn’t properly erased from the “always-on network between all uploaded minds” when his mind was downloaded back into his physical body. Somehow the Union managed to hack/hijack this network and download this copy into their own prototype holon, potentially modifying it to suit their needs. 

For those who haven’t played/watched SOMA, I’ll briefly explain: 

The protagonist of SOMA goes in for a new type of brain scan, then suddenly wakes up in an unfamiliar setting (in a broken down underwater facility, to be specific). He soon learns that he is not who he thought he was, but a copy of his mind produced by the brain scan, downloaded into a robot body by a rogue AI decades after his original self’s untimely death. Later, he uploads his mind into yet another new body, only to learn, to his horror, that while the upload successfully copies his mind to a new body in what he initially believes was a data transfer, his first body still contains his pre-upload mind. He has, in effect, created a copy of himself, and as far as the original knows, the upload was a failure as he is still in the same body.

What brought this comparison to mind, aside from both gen:LOCK and SOMA being centered around brain uploading as the primary plot device, is the process by which in-game the protagonist of SOMA uploads his mind: a minigame in which the player must synchronize two oscillating wavelengths representing signals; one for the source of the upload, and one for the destination.

My theory is that gen:LOCK works the same way, despite Dr. Weller’s seeming assertions to the contrary. 

Seeming, because I believe he’s already admitted this to be the case.

The devil’s in the details:

One of the first things Weller says is that he’s tried cloning himself. I don’t think he was talking about his body; rather that he’s attempted to copy his mind. 

When Weller exposits about the abilities and limitations of the holons, he mentions that the pilots only have one mind, as “it’s not as though he’s making backups”. Why might he even suggest that possibility, if it weren’t possible, due to a pilot’s supposedly singular mind being transferred back and forth? Except he never says “transfer”; only ever “upload” and “download”- actions which are not transfers at all, but copies made from and back to an original source, respectively, in the latter case overwriting the original (We’ve already seen that in code form, not only can the digital minds be rewritten, entire memories can be erased outright). 

The neuroplasticity requirements. Because people’s brains aren’t perfect storage devices. After enough times storage is overwritten, they begin to degrade, like a hard disk. Aging out. “As many happy returns as possible.” 

Speaking of which... Second Birthday.

The day your second self--- your copy  ---is born. 

But Nemesis doesn’t call it Second. 

“You haven’t shut up since your birthday.”

He’s talking specifically to the Cammie in the holon.

“Copy... Kill copy...”

He’s talking to a more recent copy of himself. 

From his perspective the current Chase is the copy.

When the pilots upload, their bodies go dormant. When they download, the holons go dormant. But what’s really happening when either body wakes up is that the most recent version of the pilot’s mind is synced to that body. 

That is, after all, the purpose of the device gen:LOCK takes its namesake from: to synchronize two signals. But there are two signals. Two different versions of the same mind. And if they grow too out of sync, they’re no longer compatible. Like an old OS that hasn’t been updated in so long that it can no longer be updated to the most recent version.

Weller tells the pilots this as he wishes the new recruits a happy second birthday- as the camera pointedly focuses on him manually enabling the “maximum safe upload count”.

“As many happy returns as possible.”

But what happens if a pilot exceeds maximum uptime? How did Weller figure out that there should be safety protocols to prevent this from happening, lest the mind becomes incompatible with its original body?

The answer? My guess is that it happened to Chase already. 

And here’s the kicker:

Let’s say Chase learned the hard way that his uploaded mind was no longer compatible. What’s to say Weller didn’t just tell him everything would be fine, before erasing the copy from the holon, and waking up the pre-upload chase with no memory of any of it ever happening?

But what if that copy wasn’t fully erased. What if it remained on the “always-on network” in some form, realizing what had happened, and watching himself, (and eventually the others) copied back and forth again and again, moving on as if it never happened, powerless to stop it or reveal the truth. 

This alone would be enough to drive a “copy” insane (see: Savitar from the CW’s version of the Flash), but we’ve already seen how easy it is to modify a traumatized digital mind into a “near-psychotic feedback loop.”

Nemesis sure looks “near-psychotic” in his initial appearance... 

(They showed us the effect it had on Cammie for a reason...)

One last thing: Similar to the term “holon” being taken from a book discussing the concept of mind-body duality, but literally referring to “something that is both whole itself and part of a (greater) whole”, the term “Nemesis” has a deeper meaning;

For the most part we’ve come to think of a nemesis as an archenemy to a hero.

The original Nemesis was a deity of vengeance; retribution personified.

Let the good times roll...

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under a Vanilla Sky prt 12 draft

Hitching a ride on a tourist shuttle out the Garrison, it was another hop skip and a jump over to Erathus. The ship docking station above the planet was something else. The sheer size putting the castle ship to shame as he was swept along with the visiting masses. Pulling out his communicator, he snapped a few shots before sending the photos though to his mother. She'd cried all morning as they triple checked he had everything. Rachel turning up at the very last moment with silly tourist trinkets so he wouldn't forget home. It would have been a nice sentiment if she hadn't followed up by informing him that she'd called Ronnie and told her he was heading out and to lock up all eligible women in the universe. Laughing at his sister, they missed the pain that flashed through his deep blue eyes. Lance fazing out for half a moment to come back in as Luis complained that Veronica should hurry up and ask Acxa out, suggesting Lance give the pair a push if needed. The pair had grown close. Lance was also silently hoping Veronica would ask Acxa out, purely so everyone else would leave his lack of relationship alone... that and Veronica needed to get laid. Not that he had experience in that. He'd never slept with Allura and as pathetic as it sounded, he was saving his first time for someone special. He'd wanted a future with Allura. He wanted the huge white wedding, children, growing old together. Yet as he looked back on his relationship with her, he could see all the ways it'd been lacking. Allura was still hung up on Lotor. It didn't matter to her that months had passed. He'd been her first great love. Her first choice. If he hadn't turned out to be such an evil dick Lance would never had a chance. It's fucking hurt. There hadn't been enough hours in the day to transfer the pain that weighed him down. He'd surrounded himself in junipers like a fool, and was forced to face the result each time he looked out the window of his families home. "Former Paladin Lance?" Lost in his own little world of sending photos through to his family, Lance blinked in confusion at someone calling for him. Dressed in black, three burly Galra were waiting for him. Lance swallowing hard as a lump of fear rose in his throat "Yep. Yeah. That's me" "We have come to collect you. The ambassador is most anxious to meet you" Oooooh. So these guys were also working security? They all looked hardy enough to handle anything thrown at the ambassador "Sweet. Thanks for coming to collect me. You can just call me..." He didn't want to be Lance. Lance was the loser on Earth who couldn't go without screaming nightmare more than few weeks at a time "Leandro. Leandro is fine" "Very well, Leandro. If you'll please come with us" The lack of introduction should have been Lance's first clue that something wasn't quite right. Taking the grav-elevator down to planet level, Lance tried not to gawk at the buildings so reminiscent of the "golden age of Hollywood". Even the cars were fashioned on long gone models. Keith would have had a field say. Especially when he saw the bikes. "Everything alright, Leandro?" "Yeah. I mean... yes. Just taking it all in, my dudes" Why did his anxieties have to flare up to make him sound like an absolute moron. "My dudes"?!? Seriously. What was that? God. He wanted this job so badly he could taste it, now he probably making the Galra wonder why their boss had ever hired anyone like him. His awkward sentence was only made worse when no one made any sort of reply. His mouth was urging his brain to keep talking, to somehow talk his way out of the situation. Lance would do that. But Leandro. Leandro was cool and sophisticated. Leandro would hold his tongue and not get them into any more trouble, or get them fired before he'd even met the ambassador. Waiting at the station at the bottom of the grav elevator, was a long slick black limousine with tinted windows. A forth alien also dressed in black gave a small bow as they approached "It's a pleasure to meet you. Please make yourself comfortable" Opening the door for them, Lance climbed inside first. Feeling incredibly small and grotty when compared to luxurious white leather seats, and flawlessly polished gold accents of the space "It's magnificent, isn't it?" Nearly jumping on fright, Allura popped into view across from him. Her form hovering for a second or two, before one of the Galra of the party took the seat she'd been occupying "Everything ok, Agent Leandro?" "Agent Leandro" he liked the sound of that. It was better than "former Paladin", or "Lance, the boy from Cuba" "Yes, thank you" "Excellent" Again, trying not to appear too eager, Lance watched the world outside the window as the limousine silently weaved it was through the traffic. It was both jarring and mesmerising to see this version of Earth, where they'd even put up large clocks all over the place with various Earth times and cities displayed underneath. Arriving at spacious mansion, it took everything Lance had not to gape as the door of the limousine was opened. A whole crowd of staff stood to order as their group made their way towards the front doors. Gripping the strap of his backpack nervously, Lance was mentally reciting every single prayer his mother had drummed into him in Spanish. He loved his mother, yet even at 21, he still feared her pink slipper that used to come out of nowhere when he'd stumble with his prayers. Many a time he'd dived into bed with Luis or Marco for protection from his mother's tough love. Walking through the group, he was blind to the looks and whispers cast his way, just as he was blind to the effect his trailing scent left in some of those. All he wanted to do was make a good impression, and you only had one shot at making a great first impression... The ambassador was a mammoth. Not a literal mammoth, though he would definitely rival one in size. He was huge. Bigger than Zarkon. Bigger than Sendak. He hesitated to use the word grizzled as his mind still associated it with Keith and ridiculously ripped physique. Buuut damn. He was one solid unit "Red Paladin Lance! Welcome, welcome! I am Klearo. Please come in" He was already inside. Though he was sure that if he was outside he would have heard him as clearly "He's loud, isn't he?" Goddamn Allura. He wasn't doing this "Thank you. I'm Leandro, Lance is my former name" Laughing, the large alien walked over and clamped a hand on his shoulder "It is most nice to meet you Leandro. Come let us talk. You drink, yes?" It was way too early in the morning for drinking... and he would have said "no" if he wasn't still working on creating a great impression "I do on occasion" "Then we drink! I fill you in on your mission details right? There are those out there who think they can kill the great Klearo! I laugh. Then they shoot at Klearo, so I call back the one they call the greatest shooter of Voltron!" Lance had to wonder if Klearo hadn't already started drinking before his arrival. It'd explain why the alien was so bloody loud. With his overly hairy appearance, he seemed like some kind of semi-intelligent ape rather than a diplomat. Having given his own peace talks, the kind of vibe he was picking up Klearo didn't match with what was expected. None the less. He'd come to do a job, and that he was exactly what he intended to do. * Klearo was awkward on stage. His jokes falling so flat that Lance felt a twinge of sympathy for the huge alien. He'd also learned that his presence at these kinds of things proved a hinderance more than a help. Totally not copying Keith or the Blades, Lance started employing the use of a full face mask, allowing the crowd to concentrate on Klearo rather than him. Not that Klearo seemed to care. The "warm" reception had faded the first time a person in the crowd called out of him to speak instead. He was on the outside of the rest of the team, leading to his anxieties only worsening. Part of him wanted to throw it all, go back home and play farmer, but the bigger part of him wanted to actually be useful. He didn't want go home as a failure all over again. He'd only been there for a movement before everything went quiznakking wrong. Forced to drink with an angry Klearo, it wasn't until his third of forth drink that he noticed something strange. His tongue was tingling, as were the tips of his fingers and toes. Standing beside the chair he was lounging in, Allura leaned in "Its drugged" Ignoring her, he drained the rest of his drink. What reason would they have to drug him? He was doing his job, even if he wasn't making friends. Struggling up, the world started to spin "Leandro?" "I think that's it for me" His words were slurred. Climbing to his feet, his legs wouldn't hold resulting in him landing ungainly on the floor "Did you drug me? Guys... come on..." Placing down his glass, Klearo rose "Bring him through. Don't damage him too badly" Hauled up by the arms, Lance tried to struggle against the drugs coursing through his system. Spluttering and mumbling weak objections, he was dragged along the hallway to Klearo's personal chambers. That's when Lance knew he was well and truly fucked. Thrown down on the bed in the middle of the room, Lance was flipped onto his back. His arms pulled upwards to be bound "No... let me go..." His slurred repeated utterances went ignored. The thin cloth of his casual shirt torn to pieces by a human-sized alien with four eerily green eyes. Blinking at him with his top two eyes, the alien didn't stop "Leave us!" Flinching at how loud Klearo's voice was, Lance "struggled" against his bindings. His eyelids drooping despite how hard he tried to hold open them. When the bed dipped under Klearo's weight, he screamed "Someone shut him up. His voice irritates my ears" Above him came a set of thick Galra arms, a gag shoved into his mouth causing his eyes to water. This... if this was a joke, he wasn't laughing "Do you have any idea how annoying you are? All we had to go through to get you? And you weren't even worth it in the end" That stung. Shouldn't it be a good thing if he didn't actually have to use the blaster he'd been provided with? Didn't that mean that the threats Klearo had received amounted to nothing? Feeling the aliens large hands on his hips, Lance whimpered as they were unzipped "You smell amazing. I've wanted to do this ever since I smelt you..." "Ngh!" That was the best no he could get out "And now I have my very own Paladin beneath me. I wanted your lion, but they say the lions left" He what now? What... oh... fuck. This was bad... twisting, he fought the numbness weighing him down. Trying his hardest to kick, he couldn't raise his legs off the bed "The Red Paladin. Affiliated with Fire. Show me why the people like you, instead of me!" The pain was nothing Lance could describe. The dull feeling of thick fingertips against his opening. The sharp rip as Klearo shoved a nailed finger inside, the swelling instinct to repel the foreign digit. The laughing goes Klearo as he shoved a second finger in. The moment of relief when the fingers slid out, the silent scream as his eyes shot wide when Klearo buried himself brutally between his legs in one sharp thrust. Screaming around the gag, his body rocked without his permission with each thrust Klearo gave, the haired alien taking his hips in his hands so hard Lance thought the bones were going to snap. Beside him Allura sat looking prim, a frown on her face the only sign that she felt something wrong with the situation. Vomiting into his mouth, Lance was torn a little further. Blood oozing over the blue sheets beneath him as turned red, spreading across his inner thighs as it smeared into Klearo's hair. The smell driving him into further hysteria. The sounds of wet slaps echoed in his ears. Picking up his pace, Klearo grabbed him by the hair as he grunted hard, tearing out a thick chunk as the man's dick pulsed, Klearo coming with enough force he felt as if the man was flooding him with a hose. Screaming in despair, choking on vomit and accidentally locking eyes with Allura, his body betrayed him. Dry orgasm from having his prostate pounded against incessantly rolled through him. The degree of shame was something he'd never thought possible. His employer had just raped him... and he'd come. Pulling out of him, Klearo hushed him as Lance's lower half spasmed with pain uncontrollably "My own Red Paladin painted with his own red blood... what a masterpiece" Clicking his fingers, a servant came forth. The moment the gag was removed, vomit spilt from his lips as he wretched and heaved "Pack him up. We leave tonight as planned. Make sure you don't let him die. We're getting that Red lion, and he's the key to it" The same arms came over his vision, Lance staring up at the ceiling as he was untied and gathered up onto the shoulder of a Galra. Carried out the bedroom, he could feel the cum and blood running down his thighs, the cold air of the manor slowly drying it into a crust as he bounced like a rag doll. He'd raped him and he'd come. Why?! Why did he come? He didn't want this... he didn't want any of this! Reaching a waiting vehicle, another hand came down to grab his hair, forcing his head up. Unable to raise his gaze, he stared at the red "y" shape on the arm. Was it a brand or a tattoo? He couldn't tell... he didn't know. Dropping his head, Lance's nose smacked against the fabric of his suit... a weird feeling bubbling up inside... he almost... wanted to laugh? Was it laugh? He didn't know what he wanted, his mind was foggy, slowly joining the uselessness his body held "He's still conscious. We can't have kicking up a fuss when drugs wear off. Put him under and keep him under until we arrive" "Yes, sir" * Stabled naked on the floor of a dingy room, Lance hovered in and out of consciousness as he huddled in the furtherest corner. Every few vargas someone would come in and he'd been dosed with a glowing yellow liquid. With each passing dose, a moment of euphoria would pass through him. A taste of life he'd never felt before. And one he was anxious to feel again and again, despite that with each passing dose, the effects would wear off faster and faster. On the quintants it felt like they'd forgotten him, when the doses were further apart, the feeling of satisfaction they supplied lasted longer when they did finally remember him. After he'd been initially transferred, Klearo had forced him to show his face as he gave another speech. His voice was too ruined to ask for help. His employer had promised to reveal him to the world for the disgusting pervert he was, if he didn't keep his mouth shut. How he was supposed to keep his mouth shut, and be tortured for information on the Red lion, he didn't know. When they'd realised he'd ruined his throat they finally locked him away. Left alone in the dark, Lance had all the time in the world to think. Shiro would have found a way out of here by name, his trade mark "patience yields focus" staying first and foremost in his mind. He was biding his time. Keith too would have found a way free by now. Hunk... Hunk was too fucking pure, the same went for his favourite Gremlin. If they'd gone after the other lions... god... he was almost grateful to be the one captured. He was the one stupid enough to leap right in. Hunk would have declined so he could spend more time with Shay. Pidge had never loved the limelight. Keith would have been asking questions from the get go... and Shiro.... Shiro was finally in a good place. No. He was the goddamn useless idiot who'd jumped at the job. He'd walked right into the stupid trap, and deserved all he got. Smacking his head against the wall over and over, he was so fucking done waiting for the right moment. Waiting until the drug doses came on the back of other. Waiting until they believed him too far out of it fight back. What did it all really matter anyway? Allura stood there and watched each time he was taken. She'd be there to sit beside him in the dark after they'd deposit his body back in the cold. He couldn't give them Red. He was long gone with the rest of the Lions. Lance was aware of how much Red had done to hold him together. How he'd shouldered Lance's burdens when Allura had died. How he soothed Lance with a gentle rumbling purr on the nights he woke up with no idea where he was. He didn't have Red anymore. Allura had brought him back wrong. His body was less and less his as the quintants passed, leaving him with a never ending boiling anger he could only direct inwards. Pain was the only thing that made things real. But whatever they shot him up with took away that pain... It could have movements. It could have even been phoebs, but as he'd expected his body adapted to the frequent injections. Lance now strong enough to hide the failings of their workings as he was escorted from his cell. He knew others were there somewhere. He'd heard screams night after night that attested to such. Dragged into Klearo's chambers, he stumbled as he was released and nudged towards the bed. Klearo insisted on taking him first, after him, the order didn't matter. Not moving fast enough, Lance was taken by the arm and forcible pulled across the space before being pushed down. His fingers itched to grab the blaster on his tormentors hip, yet he had to wait. He had to wait until Klearo was there, or none of this meant anything. Sitting like a doll at the end of the bed, he no longer flinched as the Galra by his side ran his hand down Lance's bare back. He no longer flinched when the beasts nails tore at his skin, adding to the already disturbing collection across his skin. Tucking a stray strand of hair back behind his ear, the Galra leaning in to sniff deeply "You smell so fucking good" Grinding his teeth together, Lance forced himself not to act. Patience yielded focus "Klearo wants you placid. Open your mouth" This was new. This wasn't in his plans. He couldn't let them force other drugs down his throat. Opening his mouth, the Galra pushed a hand flat against it, forcing tablets inside as he'd feared. They tasted as nice as the liquid they poured down his throat before they'd start whipping him for not being able to call back the Red lion. He couldn't keep waiting. He couldn't go through that again. The pain between his legs that never truly left. Biting the webbing between the thumb and pointer, Lance tore the flesh between his teeth. Howling in anger, the made it worse by tearing his hand way. Spitting out the flesh and tablets, blood ran down Lance's chin. His teeth and lips red as he smiled "You bastard!" Scrambling for his blaster, Lance snatched it up first. He felt nothing a he pulled the trigger. Nothing as he blood spurted from the shot to the neck. Firing again, he aimed for the groin, firing over and over until the Galra was dead on the floor. The piece of shit deserved it. They all fucking deserved it. Laughter bubbled up at the sight before him. The Galra's genitals shot to hell, a bloodied mess that couldn't even been called genitals. Stalking the halls of the ship Lance shot indiscriminately. He'd thought himself planet side due to the lack of the sounds of engines, and the constant streams of guests Klearo entertained. He knew the difference by now. Klearo's underlings all bore the same "y" like tattoo, Red in respect to their goal of taking the Red Lion. Despite being a largely Galra force, not all that followed Klearo were Galra. Lance's stomach had dropped when he'd learned the faction was made up of those who Voltron had failed. Klearo was indeed an ambassador. He was the ambassador of Voltron's failures. Lance no longer cared. He couldn't care. As he limped those halls, he was Leandro. Leandro got things done. Everyone associated with this fucked up... group deserved to die. So they did. It was that simple. Hunting them down as they ran, the ship's alarms blared dying the world red from the ship's flashing lights. Everything surrounding him was Red. Along the way he took clothes of smaller aliens closer to his size, at Allura's begging. Slipping them into place on his tender and bruised frame, his body was his. He was done with sharing his body without permission. It didn't matter that the clothes were bloodied, nor did it matter that the fabric was rough against his skin. They were best clothes he'd ever worn. Clearing all those he could find, Klearo had already left. Allura trailing behind him as he walked, pleading with him to take a pod and leave. Pleading with him to let those left live. He couldn't. If there was no trace of what had been done to him left, then it never happened. If it'd never happened to him, then he was just Leandro. Bodyguard and sharpshooter extraordinaire. Yeah. Lance was weak. Lance had been tricked. Leandro wouldn't be tricked. He wouldn't take mercy. He was going to track down Klearo and he was going to make sure that no one who knew what happened lived. His blue eyes were filled with humour as he strode through the bloodied halls. Laughter bubbled out his lips over how some bodies had slumped. Making his way to the control room, he strode over to the main computer, to find it locked. That wasn't very nice. He'd shown them such a good time with his body. Oh well. He was just going to have shoot the damn thing into submission. So he did. Destroying the control room with his blaster, thick acrid smoke rolled off the twisted metal as fire started to lick at the floor. It was tempting to stay, to let himself be consumed, but his mission wasn't done. His boss was out there unprotected and in need of his skills.

[hopeymchope]

Random thoughts about bad/dumb/good things that happen in the back nine episodes of ‘Darling in the Franxx’

This post is long, and it’s mostly me griping about how Darling in the Franxx failed to stick its landing. I’ve got a lot of bullet points about what annoyed me, as well as some points about what I still liked in the back half, and eventually I’m just like “yeah, fuck this.”

That’s the short version: You had a lot going for you but ultimately blew it really bad for me, so like... fuck this.

Damn right Mitsu-WAIT, I forgot when Mitsuru had this much emotion! WHO DIS?!

The long version is more complicated, though, and I feel like rambling/ranting on, so here it goes.

There is no way to stress enough that Zero-Two literally transforms into a giant part-human part-mech creature that Hiro literally rides inside of. She becomes a skyscraper-sized girl that you can climb inside the skull of, and EVERYBODY IS OKAY WITH THIS AND DELIGHTED BY IT. There is NOT a moment where Zorome cries “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUUUUUCK?!?” when she appears, flying in space, at a mass so large she could easily swallow the whole team in one gulp. Nothing like that.

This is not adequately set up, but it IS understandable with some thought: I mean, we are told in a previous ep that the franxx are essentially just recreated, retrofitted klaxosaurs. We also have seen how klaxosaurs are part-organic, part-mechanical beings, and we are told by the Klaxo Princess they are, in fact, the new version of the organic klaxosapiens, now retrofitted for war. In addition, we know that Zero-Two is part Klaxosaur - a clone of the last klaxosapien. So you see how the idea that Zero-Two could somehow “retrofit” or “transition” into a giant cybernetic war mode similar to how the klaxosapiens somehow did the same thing... you could justify that! Once I thought it all through, it kinda worked. But none of this is laid out for you, and it comes off as laugh-out-loud ridiculous in the moment that it happens. Only later, when my brain was piecing the evidence together, did I get somewhere that made sense out of it.

The Nines remained bitterly loyal to Papa when we last see them in Episode 20, snapping at Squad 13 for not showing due respect. When they return in Episode 23, Nine Alpha is suddenly on the side of Squad 13. Because Papa turned out to be an alien, you see. But like... you’ve been fighting klaxosaurs and feeling extreme loyalty to Papa your entire lives up until like, yesterday, so seeing you suddenly join the pro-klaxo side of the war is perhaps too hard a turn. Granted, a lot of time passes off-screen during this period, but still it’s sort of “Hey it’s me, Alpha. Remember how I was never anything but a total asshole to you guys? Remember how I hated emotions and shit? Yeah I wanna help Hiro reunite with Zero Two now.” Um. Okay?

Mitsuru’s speech to Kokoro about how “I want to be with you not because I love you, but because I believe that I did love you once, and I don’t remember that feeling anymore, but I still believe it existed, and I want to respect it!” is literally the worst, least-romantic declaration of non-love I’ve ever heard in my life. The music swells romantically and Kokoro seemingly weeps out of joy over it. I prefer to think she’s crying because it’s so fucking awful. It is actively offensive to real emotions and logic

Remember when Mitsuru talked about he always wished he and Hiro could co-pilot a franxx together? Remember his debilitating rage at Hiro for forgetting their promise to become soldiers together? It really feels like we had a gay or bi character here, and that maybe we were setting something up for his character. but the entire fixation on Hiro is utterly ignored once he gets reduced to “Kokoro’s sperm donor.” I mean, jeez, “my homosexual fixation on Hiro has filled me with an incoherent rage” just gave me flashbacks to Juzo from Danganronpa 3, and that’s not good, but at least it was more personality than he ultimately got.

WHY are we left with the strong sense that Ikuno is dying of the accelerated aging (she is the only one who loses ALL color in her hair and the only one we last see in a hospital bed on an IV drip, so it’s pretty blatant) even though literally no one else in the squad is suffering from it anymore, supposedly thanks to HER research?!... I assume because she’s gay. After all, the extremely gay Nines were all killed off by a mysterious ailment due to a lack of “maintenance” so we might as well kill off Ikuno too, right?! BURY YOUR GAYS. And FUCK YOU.

Goro somehow gets together with Ichigo. We do not get to see how/whether he won he over. Given that the final episode includes multiple scenes of her really missing Hiro along with a scene of her not caring much that Goro is going to travel the world without her (repeatedly), it comes off as though Itchy settled for Goro because he was the best available penis. I AM NOT ENDEARED.

We are also told that Goro has “really changed’ since the beginning of the series. There is no evidence to back this statement up. In fact, he is acting exactly the same in this scene as he always has. Granted, he had a moment in the previous episode where he got pissed and punched Hiro, and that was a big change... but he apologized and it’s not discussed again, so um. Huh. The thing that seems to be a sign of his “change” is his desire to go out alone into the world in an act of self-sacrifice for the good of everyone. Which is LITERALLY THE GORO WE’VE ALWAYS KNOWN. File his change under “informed attributes.”

By the end of the series, Hiro is full-on turning more into a Klaxosapien than a human because... honestly, I’m not sure. It’s possible it’s because he’s been “plugged into” Zero-Two, but it seems like the process is mostly done by then, because he’s immediately able to live without food or water or sleep once he plugs in, and he already had his horns glow with rage in the ep previous to this. So I think he transformed due to the fact that one time, as a kid, he licked Zero-Two’s blood, and as a teen, he’s kissed her a bunch of times. Which is... pretty goddamn extreme. I mean, I know fluid transfer can be a powerful experience — just ask Sandra Bullock — but this is some real next-level shit.

We waited all series for shit to “get real” and someone in Squad 13 to die. It takes until the very last episode for it to happen, and — in a desperate bid to make us care about what’s happening — it’s the two characters who got the most development and who most people care about. The two leads. Which comes off as too little, too late for me to even feel it, seeing as how they’re only vaguely human or relatable by this point. But I AM weirdly bitter that they kept alive everyone else, even the many people we didn’t give much of a shit about (Zorome? Miku?), so that none of the battles in the series EVER had to have real consequences for our heroes. I hate to sound bloodthirsty, and yet....

Hey, speaking of Zorome, remember how him being exposed to the “adult” in the first half of the show made her get sick? Remember how she was also immediately fascinated by and kind to him and it made you wonder how that would affect the other adults? None of this goes anywhere, because the adults all get spirited away as souls to be part of the VIRM hive-mind, so whatever, they’re gone now.

Why are these people all standing around a statue and screaming at the sky and praying? Most of them don’t even know who this girl was. This doesn’t come off as “moving” so much as a terrifying parable about religious fanaticism in cult groups. You see a group of people screaming and praying at idols you don’t understand, and gradually, more and more people just copy the behavior without understanding it. *shiver*

Was there EVER a hint that the adults watching over the squad were friggin’ IMMORTAL?! Because I don’t think there was. I’d need to go way back into earlier episodes to be sure, though.

It’s not that the ENTIRE back half of the show is awful, really. There are some legitimately excellent moments.

Good Stuff

Right when we first come back after episode 15′s big midway point in the story, the subtle way that Zero-Two discovering the gray hair on Miku’s head was handled - during a warm, lighthearted scene to boot - really made it hit home.

The overt anger and defiance of Hiro in the face of “Papa” and APE really made me like him even more. He had some great moments there, including possibly the greatest episode-ending dialogue when he declared just how fucking DONE they all are with their so-called “Papa.”

Zorome’s inability to fully embrace the idea that “Papa” could be so wrong and bad was another good touch.

The big “backstory” episode served to make me really care for Dr. Franxx in a surprise late-game twist. He goes from being a shadowy sinister presence to becoming one of the more sympathetic characters... right before getting killed shortly thereafter.

The big promise scene between Zero-Two and Hiro, where they swear to always come for each other... that one really pulled at my heart.

Also, Hiro’s dedication to caring for the ailing, zombie-like Zero-Two was both devastating and touching. It’s one of the final bits that actually hits any kind of emotion for me in the series.

I actually didn’t mind the alien twist with the VIRM very much like so damn many people did. APE was long portrayed as this unknowable higher power that was clearly hiding something while simultaneously enforcing a 1984-esque obedience and loyalty... and there’s only so many places to go with such a setup, honestly. Much more shocking, to me, is how little is done to build up to/justify the true origin of the klaxosaurs.

But, well, yeah. Like most, I wound up feeling like DitF had a couple of really excellent characters in the lead, and then proceeded to go nowhere worthwhile once it got them to finally be together. Ultimately, they didn’t even get to grow up or have real sex or face the new world. They just get shuffled off into weirdness and death so we can have a bigger cycle of disappointment.

This one has a lot of themes that feel unexplored, and maybe further analysis would make it all gel together more comprehensibly. There is definitely a lot of effort put into thematic hints and worldbuilding in the first half, some of it done in a subtle background way that recalls my favorite aspects of The Future Diary — a favorite anime of mine that ALSO admittedly fails to adequately explain some parts of the world it builds, but it keeps most of its logic intact and is so emotionally engaging that I ultimately went along for the ride and was willing to explore the background justifications and themes later in order to fully grasp that world.

In comparison, I don’t really want to put in the effort to glean the underlying details of DitF. It didn’t leave me feeling like the writers put in the work to keep me invested, so why would I?

[tomfooleryprime]

Voq, Ash Tyler, and Growing up Star Trek

We learned a lot more about the curious case of Lieutenant Ash Tyler/Voq in the Star Trek: Discovery episode, “Vaulting Ambition.” It was finally confirmed in the previous week that the character we know as Ash Tyler is harboring some Klingon memories, but the precise mechanism behind how that happened was still a mystery, until Saru finally brought up the thing we were all wondering about:

Which prompted L’Rell to spill the beans.

“The one you call Tyler was captured in battle at the Binary Stars. We harvested his DNA, reconstructed his consciousness, and rebuilt his memory. We modified Voq into a shell that appears human. We grafted his psyche into Tyler’s, and in so doing, Voq has given his body and soul for our ideology.”

—L’Rell

It’s not all that shocking. Months of fan speculation aside, it’s not like this is a new trope for this franchise.

Remember this guy? 

What L’Rell revealed last night opens up an opportunity for Star Trek: Discovery to venture into classic Trek territory in a very un-Trek way. How the hell are we supposed to figure out what to think about Ash Tyler’s situation? 

The Trek formula of old would have given us a tidy episode in a box where the captain was confronted with some dilemma and spent the majority of the fifty-two minutes of air time chewing on it in such a way that the audience wasn’t really required to ponder the ramifications because we had a Picard or a Janeway to serve as the wise parental figure and do the messy business of thinking for us.

Yet Discovery lacks that central guiding ethical compass: its main character isn’t a captain, she’s a convict. That arguably makes Michael Burnham the most dynamic lead Star Trek has ever put forward, but because she’s too busy finding her place on a ship in the midst of a war with the Klingons and crawling over heaps of inner turmoil, that doesn’t leave her a lot of free time to tell us how to approach the wider problems presented in each episode. She tries to speak up as the voice of reason (miss you, Ripper!), but thus far, her objections are often drowned out by a plot that’s constantly blazing forward at Warp 10. It makes for good storytelling and character development, but it leaves the analysis of complex issues to the audience.

Think about it—every incarnation of Star Trek up until now had a way of introducing us to problems that were so obviously an allusion to the issues of their respective decades, whether it was Kirk meeting a society of people who desperately needed birth control or Archer ending up in a Suliban detainee camp courtesy of President George Bush… er, whoever the Tandaran leader was during the 2150s.

Captain Picard was the ultimate master of holding viewers’ hands all the way through the first four acts of an episode, carefully spoon feeding us both sides of an issue before finally allowing us to absorb the full weight of an enormous moral, ethical, or philosophical question in the final act with an impassioned speech or contemplative captain’s log entry. We were allowed to be mentally lazy. 

Is Data a person? Who’s to say? Let’s literally hold a trial to weigh the evidence!

The issues surrounding Ash Tyler are so enormously complex and raise questions about the nature of consciousness, self, immortality, and bodily autonomy, as well as the role of crime and punishment in society. It seems pretty ambiguous whether or not the real Ash Tyler is still alive in a Klingon prison somewhere, but regardless, maybe we should start by exploring whether we can really call the person lying in Discovery’s sickbay Ash Tyler. 

If someone were to duplicate your consciousness and place it into another living being, how would you define that individual? Say hypothetically that you are still alive, so is the other being with your consciousness now also you, an extension of you, or a completely independent being that simply carries your memories? If the original version of you is destroyed, did you really die, if a carbon copy of your mind exists somewhere else? If such a procedure is possible, doesn’t that imply we could theoretically live forever through a series of host bodies?

I feel like this is the premise of one-third of all Black Mirror episodes.

Hopefully, next week’s episode will iron out some of the details behind how the procedure was performed and whether or not L’Rell successfully removed Voq’s consciousness from Tyler’s physical form, but that just raises more questions. 

L’Rell indicated that the albino Klingon we knew as Voq in the first three episodes gave up his physical form to look like Ash Tyler, so the body was originally Voq’s.

Alien talent for crafting human flesh bags into suits varies by franchise. 

So if L’Rell manages to remove Voq’s consciousness from the body he and Tyler share, is that the equivalent of killing Voq? Conversely, if she snuffs out any trace of Tyler, has she killed Tyler? Last night’s episode made it apparent that if someone didn’t do something soon, the guy in sickbay screaming Klingon curses one minute and weeping human tears the next was going to die, but is it ethical to take one life to save another, and how do we decide?

I think the natural instinct is to say that obviously Voq needs to go in favor of Tyler. It’s easy to justify too: Voq knew what he was risking, the Klingons and Federation are in the midst of a war, and it doesn’t really seem like Tyler had much say in the medical experimentation performed on him. Not to mention, it kind of seemed like it was Voq shining through when Hugh Culber was killed. The Voq side of this person is clearly violent, dangerous, and a self-proclaimed enemy of the Federation.

Now consider how you feel about the death penalty. If you ardently support it, I question why you watch a show featuring people from an idealistic utopia where the death penalty was abolished, but hey, I’m sure the issue of what to do about Voq must seem pretty cut and dry. If you oppose the death penalty for any reason, now is probably a good time to ask yourself exactly why that is and apply it to this very bizarre situation.

Before you start hurling digital rotten produce at me for daring to suggest that Voq be given rights over Tyler, I’m not advocating for that, I’m merely asking you to consider it, because while the DNA is Tyler’s, the body is Voq’s. The heart of so many modern issues rests on a similar platform, this idea that we have the right to decide the fate of our own bodies, no matter what else we’ve done. 

It’s why we don’t harvest organs from criminals or force them to submit to dangerous medical experimentation, even though some *cough*Nazis*cough* might argue in favor of crude social arithmetic that there’s some net “good” to be had by testing unproven HIV vaccines or pioneering brain surgery on our convict population. To be fair, Voq decided to become Ash Tyler, and in doing so, it seems so unfair that I should even be considering his rights when it certainly seems like Tyler’s rights were so brutally and traumatically stripped away from him.

But Star Trek has also never shied away from unfair predicaments. Remember that time Trip Tucker was in a coma and Phlox collected his DNA and injected it into a Lyssarian Desert larvae to grow a Tucker clone, which they later named Sim, just so they could harvest Sim’s neural tissue for a transplant? OG Tucker was unconscious and didn’t consent to the procedure, and while Tucker 2.0 also didn’t ask to get made, which one deserved to live?

Yeah Sim, he owed you so big. 

No matter what happens, the whole business with Voq and Tyler is a bloody damn mess and there’s no chance for real justice for anyone involved. By stuffing Ash Tyler’s consciousness into Voq’s body and then mutilating Voq to look like Ash Tyler, L’Rell created an individual who is arguably somehow both Voq and Tyler and also neither Voq and Tyler at the same time.

Star Trek built an entire species based around this premise in the form of the Trills. For seven seasons of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, the symbiont Dax put us through our paces as we teased apart Jadzia from Dax and all of her previous hosts. There are too many episodes featuring Jadzia conflicting with the memories of her predecessors to count, but it was always interesting, watching Jadzia stand trial for something Curzon allegedly did, and it was heartbreaking watching her husband Worf interact with Ezri, Dax’s next host, after Jadzia’s untimely death. However much fans wished Ezri would love Worf as much as Jadzia had, Ezri wasn’t Jadzia and she deserved the freedom to make her own decisions.

So, I have to come back to the question, is Ash Tyler even really Ash Tyler? Can a copy be as good as the original? In many cases, sure. If someone torched the Declaration of Independence, its meaning isn’t lost forever; we have countless copies in textbooks and Internet archives. Ideas and facts are obviously more important than the paper that they’re printed on, but aren’t people greater than just the sum of their thoughts and experiences?

Star Trek: The Next Generation asked that question once when a transporter accident spawned a clone of William Riker, only he wasn’t technically a clone, because he shared all of Riker’s memories leading up to the accident. A clone implies an individual whose genome was copied from another individual, but the person created in that transporter glitch was an exact copy.

You know Riker II is looking at Riker I and thinking, “I grew a beard because I didn’t have a razor. Don’t tell me you grew that shit on purpose?”

Are they really exactly the same though? Once their paths began to diverge with differing life experiences (one got stranded on a station while the other went on to have a successful career in Starfleet), they really became two separate individuals, more like twins than the exact same person. So, I would argue that whether or not the original Tyler is really alive out there, the Tyler we know isn’t really Ash Tyler. 

But whoever he is and however he was created, he has rights too. He’s the only innocent person in this whole shitty scenario, and even if Voq’s consciousness is removed, no doubt the experience will irrevocably alter Tyler.

But what if L’Rell can’t separate them? I think of all the options, a plot twist that finds a way for both Tyler and Voq to coexist in the same body is easily the most complicated and daring path forward. Tuvok and Neelix had polar opposite personalities, but at least when they got spliced together, they generally lived by the same moral code. All the incarnations of Dax were also wildly different, but they jived well (so long as you forget that whole uncomfortable Joran incident).

Voq and Tyler are essentially Jekyll and Hyde. Voq killed Hugh Culber and attempted to kill Michael Burnham, so should he (they) be punished for those crimes? American Horror Story: Freak Show tried to address a similar situation when one conjoined twin murdered her mother in a moment of rage. It forces us to ask which is worse, “Deliberately punishing an innocent person or allowing a guilty one to go free?”

I have no idea what will happen in future episodes, but the idea of Voq and Tyler having to learn to live together might actually provide this show with something it’s been largely lacking thus far: a character who has to learn what it means to be human and who can provide an outsider’s commentary and insight on our odd little species, much like Spock, Data, The Doctor, Seven of Nine, and T’Pol did. Given Michael Burnham’s upbringing and life sentence for mutiny, it seemed like she was well-poised to fit this role, but while she spent the latter part of her formative years on Vulcan and is a lot less emotional than most of her crewmates, she’s fairly clued in to the human condition. 

Not so great at beer pong, but still a competent human. 

Ultimately, I can’t wait to see how Ash Tyler’s situation gets resolved, but I can now safely say Discovery might be my favorite series in the franchise. Some people hate it because it’s a lot of explosions and fighting and thus far, it hasn’t really felt like Star Trek with its power-hungry captain, Klingons with heavy prosthetics, and exceptional CGI. 

No, it ain’t your momma’s Star Trek, but maybe that’s a good thing. I grew up watching The Next Generation and later watched Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Enterprise, and it was nice having Picard, Sisko, Janeway, and Archer gently guide me to the answers with calm, well-reasoned thinking. In a lot of ways, they taught me how to think about morally complex matters, and now that I’m older, I’m able to think for myself while I watch Discovery, and that is precisely why I love it so much. 

Discovery is Star Trek all grown up.