#like ive had ppl tell me they had to leave work when they found out n stuff

[somber-sapphic]

HIII IT'S ME OMG IM SO EXCITED COULD YOU POST THE NEW FIC ALL IN ONE PART??? CUZ I CAN'T WAIT TO READ IT EEEHHEHEH I LOVE LONG FICS ALSO IM KINDA NEW TO TUMBLR SO IDK HOW TO USE A LOT OF FEATURES AND THE ONLY WAY IVE FOUND TO MESSAGE PPL IS THE REQUEST PART LOL - 🦊

I'VE GOT YOU 🦊!! Sorry it took so long to upload, I thought of something else so I added and then had to edit that part :) I hope you enjoy!

Everything's Just Fine

You get sick and Emily is away with the team on a case. You were frustrated that you weren't able to help, so instead of resting you decided to do all of the paperwork that you could find. A great decision, right?

Word Count: 3k

-----

You sniffled and rubbed your bleary eyes, trying to focus on the pile of paperwork you were trying desperately to get through. Hotch had deemed you ‘too sick’ to go with them on the case, but he wasn’t there, leaving you to your own devices. You’d helped solve it by working through Garcia, who you had threatened into silence (in reality, you’d begged her to let you help and flashed the best puppy dog eyes you had) and your team would be home in three hours. 

Penelope had agreed to stay silent, but only if you drank the gallons of tea she shoved down your throat. You were sure that she’d laced it with some sort of medication, so you just pretended to drink. It wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate her attempts to coddle you, it was just that you didn’t want her to see you so vulnerable. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this, it was embarrassing. 

Your nose was running practically nonstop, your chest ached, you couldn’t stop shivering and every five seconds was filled with painful coughs or gross, wet sneezes. Every cough and sneeze tore through your already sore throat, making it feel like you had swallowed glass. The pressure in your sinuses made it feel like your head was about to burst. There was a good chance that the next fit of coughing would send your brain exploding out of your buzzing ears. 

“Sweetie, that really doesn't sound good.” Penelope said, startling you after a particularly rough coughing fit that brought up a wad of mucus and left you seeing stars. You swallowed hard, a little disgusted with yourself, and forced a little smile onto your dry, cracked lips. Judging by her raised eyebrow, she didn’t believe whatever you were about to say next. 

“I’m fine Garcia, just a little cold. Plus, they’ll be back soon.” You rasped, not realizing just how far gone your voice was until you had started to speak. It was a minor miracle that you had even gotten those two sentences out. You sniffed hard and coughed, turning your head into your elbow to avoid spreading your germs all over the innocent tech analyst. 

“Uh-uh, no way. Come on, come lay in my office for a little while. I’ve got everything nice and cozy for when Reid has a migraine, it’ll be much nicer than sitting out here in the cold.” The blonde coaxed, her voice like butter. She was lulling you into a false sense of security, smiling kindly and offering you a space in her Batcave. 

All you wanted to do was curl up and let out all of your stupid pent up emotions, you wanted to cry into the plethora of pillows that you knew she had and just fall asleep to escape all of the pain raging through your body. Every movement sent needles of agony through your bones, even your eyes hurt. You had forgotten that fevers could do that to a person. 

“I’m almost done here, I’ll put my head down when I finish.” You ducked into your elbow with a barely stifled sneeze and lifted your head with flushed cheeks. This whole thing was humiliating, no one was supposed to see you sick. You weren’t supposed to be sick. You were a fucking FBI agent, FBI agent’s didn’t succumb to simple colds.

Penelope frowned and reached out to touch your cheek, rolling her eyes slightly when you slapped her hand away. 

“I’m telling Emily. How do you think she’ll feel about all of this?” She gestured to your sickly appearance as if she hadn’t just threatened you as one would a toddler. You clenched your jaw, but parted your lips when you realized that your nose was too stuffed to breathe, and decided to just glare at her instead. 

“Penelope Garcia. I am not a toddler, you are not my mother, you are not my girlfriend and my physical wellbeing is none of your fucking business. Leave. Me. Alone.” The hurt expression that flashed across her face made you feel guilty, but you just wanted her to go away. Everything about this was wrong, her being able to see you at your weakest point was ever worse. 

“Alright, I’m going back to my office. Come find me if you need anything.” She murmured, bowing her head in understanding. You looked away, resurfacing to meet her gaze, you knew that if she said one more nice thing you’d probably break down. It would be so easy to just start crying. Or it would be if you had enough fluids left in your body to cry out.  

Sniffling back tears you went back to your work, the words blurring through your tears and the general haze that came from what had to be a fever over 102 degrees. You could practically see the look on Emily’s face when she’d come back, the disappointment and concern written in the worry lines across her forehead. She worried too much, especially about you. 

You scribbled your name at the bottom of the page inquiring about who was interrogated, accidentally scrawling your signature into the place where Hotch was supposed to sign. That was it. You were done. That was the straw that broke the exhausted, sick, miserable camel's back. You were absolutely done.

==

You stumbled up the stairs and into the first office you could find, intending to fall onto the couch where you would sleep until your girlfriend got home. She would be so disappointed in you. You made it halfway into what you assumed in your hazy mind was JJ’s office before falling to the floor, too dizzy to stay upright anymore. 

Part of you thought to call out for Garcia as you lay on the uncomfortable tile, your cheek pressed on the rug. The world went black with one final gasping cough as you slipped into unconsciousness. That was nicer than being awake with the pain. 

Unfortunately, unconsciousness was not exactly better. It was uncomfortable, too hot, sometimes too cold, like someone had dunked you in an ice bath which was then set on fire. Your disturbing, terrifying fever dreams were interrupted by a distant sound and the feather light touch of a hand on your shoulder. Both felt a mile away, but they saved you from the nightmares of being drowned in an icy ocean with no one to hear your screams. 

“Y/n! Fuck, EMLIY! Get in here!” You clung to the voice, whimpering as you struggled to pull yourself out of the void. She must’ve noticed your struggle because the owner of the voice combed fingers through your hair, coaxing you into the real world. 

“Hey, hey you. Can you open your eyes?” Sudden panic flooded over you and you shoved yourself away, ignoring the stars brewing in your eyes. For a moment you were pretty sure that you’d throw up, but you managed to curl yourself into the corner, cowering away from the touch. 

Your breaths were harsh and painful, they probably sounded that way to the blonde as well. The world was blurring around you and standing wasn’t probably the best idea, but you were already halfway to your feet. 

“Woah, Y/n,” JJ rushed toward you, raising her arms as you swayed, prepared to catch you. You pulled away again, trying to force out some semblance of words. 

“Go!” You yelped, tears filling your eyes. Everything was spinning, the woman’s face warping and bending in your vision. Something slammed and you looked up to find another blurry faced woman rushing into the room, wearing the same expression. 

“Y/L/N!” The second woman, Emily, barked, making you freeze. In different circumstances that tone would’ve sparked a flutter in your chest, but this was just scary. She raced to your side and grabbed your elbows, managing to keep you upright. You sniffled and met her chocolate brown eyes, searching for anything that could be construed as anger or unhappiness. All you saw was loving concern. 

“Shit, you’re burning up. Honey, why?” The brunette breathed, cupping your cheeks with strong, soft hands. You whimpered in response, doing everything you could not to just fall into her arms. 

“C-can you make t-the room stop s-spinning?” You managed, stumbling forward until your head bounced against her shoulder. Emily wrapped an arm around your waist and helped you over to the couch, murmuring gentle words that you couldn’t quite make out. Everything was fuzzy, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stay conscious. 

You didn’t realize you were crying until you were sitting up against her and she was brushing the tears off of your cheeks. You didn’t fully understand what was happening, but you knew that she was holding you, providing you with the love that you had so desperately needed. 

“Morgan, we’re going to need some help getting her to the car.” Emily murmured, stroking your hair as you leaned against her chest. Part of you was a bit concerned, the deal was no displays of romantic affection at work and here she was, holding you close, cuddling you like she would at home. This was bad. You were going to get fired. 

You pushed her away, little whimpers building in your throat. You slid back onto the floor, confusion and anxiety flowing through your mind. She was by your side in an instant, grabbing your hands as she tried to fix whatever was happening in your mind. 

“No, no no. No, They’ll be mad. They’ll be so mad.” You shook your head and pulled back, a harsh cough wracking your body. Your lungs were beginning to sound like crinkling wax paper, worrying everyone. 

“Come on honey, please get off the floor. No ones mad, we just want to help.” She soothed, inching back so as not to startle you further. Not even you understood the back and forth of your mind, it was scary just how many things were happening and all you wanted was to be somewhere dark and quiet. 

“Everything hurts…make it stop, please make it stop.” You begged, covering your ears, hiding from everything. It was odd, you were just so damn overwhelmed. 

“Okay sweetie, alright. Breathe for me. It’s all going to be okay. Does it hurt when I do this?” She asked gently, probing at your arm. You had apparently bruised it when you’d fallen and it had quickly turned a dark purplish black color. You nodded slightly, removing yourself from your shell so that you could talk to her. 

“We’re going to get you home and all cozy, but you’ve got to trust me. Will you let me?” Morgan and Hotch were in the room now, with Rossi hovering in the doorway. Penelope was attached to Morgan's arm, a panicked expression on her face. This was all because of you. It was both humiliating beyond belief and…almost wholesome? 

“M’kay.” You finally whispered, your voice basically gone at this point. She gave you a small, caring smile and pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“Can Morgan carry you?” You were too tired to even consider fighting it. You wanted to be home and if that's what it took, that's what it took. Emily moved to the side and the man stepped forward, nearly blocking your view of her. 

“Don’t leave me!” You yelped, grabbing for her hand. You refused to be away from her, no fucking way would she leave you alone again, it wasn’t happening. She clasped your fingers in hers and shushed you softly. 

“I’m right here, he’s just going to pick you up and everything will be okay.” She was being so understanding, so wonderful. You loved her so damn much. You nodded again and allowed Morgan to hoist you into a bridal carry, your head falling on his chest; you were just too physically weak to hold it up anymore. 

“Shit, Princess, your fever’s really high. Emily, you’ve gotta get that down.” He said, concern radiating in his words. She nodded quickly, still holding onto your hand. You glanced at Hotch as Morgan carried you out, disappointment shining in his eyes. Garcia looked mildly betrayed and you hated that you’d made her feel that way. You opened your mouth to say something, but she shut you up with a shake of her head. 

“Just get better, lovely. I’ll be by with some soup and Disney movies tomorrow.” You smiled at her, your eyes slipping closed as exhaustion took over. You heard a murmur of ‘goodbyes’ and ‘feel better soons’ as you were whisked away by your friend and girlfriend, falling asleep with your head bouncing against Morgan’s chest. 

==

When you woke up you were laying in your own bed, Emily grumbling softly as she tried to peel the sweat covered clothes off of your body. You whined softly at the touch, curling away from her icy hands. You sniffled thickly and pulled your knees to your chest, well aware that you were no longer wearing a shirt. 

“Look who's up.” The brunette cooed, reaching up to stroke your fevered cheek. You squirmed again, utterly unhappy with how much being touched hurt you. All you wanted was cuddles from the woman you loved but her gentle touch caused you so much pain. 

“My skin hurts.” You rasped, giving her a watery pout. Tears were rolling down your cheeks again, for what felt like the 10th time that day you were crying. You hated it, you hated your damn body and you wanted a hug. 

“Okay love, we can get that taken care of. If you sit up for me I can get some medicine in you and get something much more comfortable on.” She smiled, tucking a strand of hair back behind your ear. You shrugged, fully intending not to do anything. She rolled her eyes at your uncooperative behavior and lifted you into a sitting position, making you yelp in pain. She reared back at your pained sound, concern flooding her expression. 

“I can’t it, it hurts too much!” You sobbed, wrapping your arms around your knees and pulling them to your chest. You held that position for probably fifteen minutes until you finally managed to cry yourself out and looked back up at Emily who had a broken expression on her face. 

“How do I help?” She whispered, sounding as desperate as you felt. Your beautiful strong girlfriend was breaking just because you felt sick. You took a shaky, chest squeezing breath and forced yourself to calm down. 

“Um…will y-you help me change…and then maybe hold me?” The profiler gave you a kind smile and nodded, reaching out to stroke your cheek again. This time it didn’t hurt so much, the contact actually felt quite nice. 

It took a bit longer than either of you expected to get you changed, you were practically incapable of moving any of your limbs, meaning that she had to do all of the work. She did it without complaint, checking in every few moments to make sure that she wasn’t hurting you. 

“Okay baby, take this really fast and we’ll get you some sleep.” You didn’t fight when she handed you the cap of blue medicine, well aware that the Nyquil and fever would take you out in minutes. The goop tasted absolutely awful, so bad that even with your poor sense of taste and smell it burned the back of your throat. 

You coughed heavily into your blanket, a sound which made Emily’s face contort in worry. She patted your back as you hacked, helping you to release some of the mucus from your lungs. 

“We’re going to the doctor tomorrow if that doesn’t sound better.” She determined after a few minutes of listening to your exhaustive breathing. You nodded in agreement, well aware that the cough was worse than it should be for a simple cold or mild flu. 

“Stay with me until I fall asleep?” You asked, your body sagging as the medication sunk in. Emily slipped into the bed beside you, sitting a few feet away so as not to invade your personal space in a way that you weren't comfortable with. You hesitated a moment and looked over, feeling suddenly shy. 

“Um…will you hold me? Maybe? P-please…” She smiled kindly and pulled you into her arms, cradling your head against her chest as the two of you snuggled under the covers. You stifled a sneeze, but she just made a worried sound and kissed the top of your head 

“Don’t worry about that. Just sleep, okay? I’m right here, you’re safe. I’ve got you.” You sniffled quietly and grabbed the fabric of her shirt, grateful for her saying that. Fevers always made you edgy, but she had this way of fixing it every single time. She was your rock. She never failed to make you feel better, even at your worst times. 

“Love you Em.” You mumbled, your words slurred by sleep. 

“I love you too Y/n/n. Now hush, sleeping time.” Never one to disobey an order from your girlfriend, you closed your eyes, falling into a warm void of unconsciousness in the arms of the woman you were in love with.

[iamthat-iam]

hey Bry, i hope you’re doing good, i wanted to ask for help because im tired of this, like i dont know who else to ask ( 😔 ) could you please tell me what i'm doing wrong?  (long text ahead)

i’ve been into Non Dualism for a while, not that much tho, i was into the Law of Assumption community and i was having that point of view and the i discovered ND. I felt like i was being blessed because the main idea of Non Dualism is so freeing. I consumed all types of ND contents you can imagine, i was in every corney of the internet looking for info and different perspectives, and i was doing…. meh. I was learning but i had my up and downs but i was slowly “detaching from ego”. Then something happened i had a few problems with a class of mine and i felt like a fell from the progress that i had. I was trying to read more and more content to try to make me understand that “hey its ok”, ofc that never worked because my teacher accused me of plagiarism and the owrse part is that is true but is not bcs of bad reasons i just used AI  and wanted to make my assignments easier and my mental health was awful for me to complete them. Then i found out that my grades were low and i dont know if im going to fail, or repeat my semester, and the worse, i dont want mynparents to find out and pay for those classes. I feel awful because they’re really expensive and i just want to solve this. Believe me, im so tired of reading content and not knowing what to do. I’ve tried every “tecnique” to slowly detach from ego, but i just can’t stop thinking about these problems, they’re haunting me like crazy. I know this is just ego but, ive had so many anxiety attacks because of this like i don’t get it. I'm sorry if im sounding too demanding, im literally asking in the best way possible, what else could i do?

A lot of bloggers say “you don´t need to understand this, is your ego worrying” and others say “slowly question yourself what ego says or sees and go back to your origin” that gets me so confused and i'm exhausted. im so lost and i just want to delete everything and feel better. i know ND, is not about this, it shouldn’t make me feel like this, is just very simple. i just have too many problems like Bry i am really concerned, my mothers finances haven’t been the best and i don’t want her to pay a lor of money. I'm terrified to let go of this desire to change my grade circumstances, because I'm scared that if I do, nothing will change and everything around me will only worsen, and it feels like I've got such little time to change things. I know it might b the best to “let go” and do nothing but like, what if it stays the same. I dont even understand when people say “let it be” or i saw a girl saying “if you have a problem, dont do thing to it. ignore it and it will solve” like how??? i feel defeated and i just want to be free. im so scared to be in this position when the week ends, or by the month ends. im so lost. i feel like i only know this intellectual, but when the day passes and i say to myself “I AM” i just can’t feel it, i feel like a limited body. i give up on trying to achieve something,Ego seems so exhausting and scary and terrifying. i want to leave everything behind and be gentle with myself. what can i do? what should i do?

thank you bry if you read this fully, i really try to follow your blog and i like your kindness towards ppl. i hope u have a nice day

Im doing good ty for asking!

You have to take a leap of faith. I know it's scary to let go of control and trying to change things but if you don't, you will continue to feel like this and the problems will continue to exist. Trying to change a problem is you acknowledging that there's even a problem in the first place. Worrying about these problems are just keeping them there, because you keep acknowledging that they exist.

Your true self doesn't have problems! So when you know yourself as you really are, and are not identified with the person dealing with such and such issues, they have to go away. There's no possibility of things staying the same because everything appears and disappears based on what you are aware of.

Surrender. Just know that everything will work out in the end (because everything is already perfect).

[cyberrgirlsblog]

candle ligth part 3

sorry for the LONG ASS wait like fr, idk how many ppl read this but yea . the hole thing ive written is dead ass like 29,000 words or some shit like that, i got carried away.

Part 3

(TW) cussing, mentions how a dead body looks

Not beta read!!!!!!!

1929, 3 weeks before the planned assassination. And 7 weeks since (y/n) and duke last saw eachother

“What the fuck” I said looking down at the front steps of my house, my hand covering my mouth in shock and horror. I look down to find the body of a dead boy in front of my door.

“First day living in small heith and this is the shit that happens I mean like the fuck. I don't know who sent that and who that person was but that's fucked up man.” I said my voice breaking while paseing around my room, my hands shaking. Ash was sitting on my bed listening to me tentatively. Fez would've been here if it wasn't for him going to visit his girlfriend Lexi in the USA for the week. Even though I was talking about this like it was an everyday occurrence it still shook me to my core. It was unnerving.

“You think it's got something with us working more closely with the peaky,” Ash said, looking at me. I called him as soon as it happened along with Tommy but his maid picked up saying he was out but she would let him know when he came back. I looked at Ash and nodded.

“Maybe, I mean it's the most probable option. But we still got a body to deal with. I mean if we call the cops what the hell do we do about this shit." I said while I paced around my room. As the old boards creaked under my feet.

“If we call the fucking cops Fez will kill us Don't be a dumb ass. Look, we take the body and put it in an incinerator. Pay the workers to keep their mouths shut and we'll see what happens.” Ash said before lighting a cigarette. He offered me one but I declined.

“Yea but should we figure out who the dude is? I mean I'm already in enough shit with fez. Dude barely even lets me leave the house without someone he knows coming with me.” I said sitting down next to Ash, letting my head fall back into the wall, and sighing. 

—-----------3rd person pov

Since you went to the carnival fez has been more on edge about trusting you. Thinking back on it you should have asked Ada to be an alibi for you if Fez ever called her about your where abouts. She told him she was at her house and didn't even know about a carnival happening. Fez was pissed when he found out that you had lied to him. But you also hated how there was a double standard when it came to you and Ash. He could go out for hours and not even come home for days and Fez is rarely ever worried but if you leave and don't come home before night time all of a sudden you have Fez and his friends looking for you. You hated how he acted but a small part of you understood why.

—-----

When you were 11 you and Ash went to the bank to withdraw the money your grandma had not yet withdrawn. You and Ash got separated, Ash came home crying telling Fez how someone had grabbed you and taken you away. The man was someone who worked with Mouse and your older brother hadn't paid the fair amount that he was supposed to for some of the product that was bought from Mouse.

Mouse took you and locked you up in a room in some house that looked like it was a personal haven for rats to stay in. It wasn't till a couple of hours later that a bag was put over your head and you were retired back to Fez, Ash, and your grandma.

Ever since then, Fez has been paranoid about you, and it would be a lie to say those events haven't affected you in any way. 

That is one of the reasons you asked Ash to teach you how to fight and started to carry a gun at all times.

—--- 

(y/n) looks over at ash ‘’ you think that it could be-’’

“No, if it is im gonna kill him the second I see him or his friend and anyways we stopped doing business with him for almost a year,” Ash said while looking at the wall in front of him. 

“Ash, this is something he would do. It's fucked up but it's true you and I both know that,’’ she said looking over at Ash. 

His eyebrows creased and he clenched his fits. Memories going back to the day he saw you, his sister snatched up by some guy and he couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. He knew he wouldn't let anything like that happen again to you.

“Ash you know it's not gonna happen again right? I won't let it happen, you won't let it happen, shit fez will make sure it doesn't happen,” she said turning her head to face the door of the room.

“And anyways it could just have something to do with Tommy or some shit. And maybe I'm just being delusional by saying that other shit. But hey I got this if it ever comes down to it” (y/n) said before lifting her coat jacket revealing the holster that held her gun.

Ash looked down at her gun before looking up and slowly nodding his head. They had an understanding of each other that only siblings could have. Suddenly there was a knock on the door downstairs.

Ash and (Y/n)  look at each other before getting up from the bed and going downstairs.

(y/n) heart started beating faster than normal, her hands felt clammy and she could feel a cold sweat. Ash was the same, once they got downstairs they got to the door. Ash reach for his gun while (y/n) opened the door.

The knocking happened again this time harder and louder. (Y/n) and Ash held their breath before (y/n) slowly twisted the doorknob

“Fuck Pol you scared the shit out of us,” she said before letting out a breath of relief and opening the door just enough for her to get in. 

“I got a call about what happened from Tommy's maid,” she said while looking at us her eyes glazing around.

—------------------1st person

“Weres your brother,” she said, I and Ash looked at each other. We were looking into each other's eyes for a quick second before answering.

“He's in the U.S.’’ I said looking at Pol. 

“Anyway come we put the body in the kitchen. It's i really brutal sight.” I said before I and Ash started walking towards the kitchen with Pol right behind us. Once we got there I heard Pol breathe in a quick breath. 

The man's body was anything but pretty half of his face was disfigured and his arm was bent in an unnatural position. His clothes were ragged and slightly burnt. Blood had dried on his head from where his head wound was.

“I-i think I may know who that is,” Pol said before taking a shaky step back. 

“Pol who is it, we need to know please,” I said looking at her while scratching the skin on my arm almost to the point of drawing blood until ash stopped me from going any further.

“He was a boy who worked for the peaky blinders about the same age as Finn. We need to call the family. Do you guys have a phone.’’ she asked while looking back at the boy's body. I pointed at the phone on the table stand and she went to make a call.

—------------------- 3 hrs later, 2nd person

I sat on the couch in the living room staring at the radio as it played static. Pure static is all I could listen to, it helped clear my mind and fuzz it out better than the other channels did. All you could think about was the boy who was just at the kitchen table. His name was Jimmy walsh he was 16 years old and his family had moved from Ireland to the Uk. he was working with the Peakys to help his family earn money. His body wasn't supposed to be at your doorstep, it was supposed to be at the betting shop's doorstep.

I wondered if he had any friends and if he wanted to go to school once his family had made enough money. If he had a lover, if he had any siblings, and how many he had. When thinking about him though you couldn't help but have your mind go to Duke. it had been a while since you had seen him.

Was he alive, was he well? Did he still work at the fairground or did he get a new job? As these questions plagued your mind. My leg started to shake and the tapping from my foot started to get louder and louder. 

A hand was laid on my shoulder causing me to jump my heart stopping for a second before looking at the person who had done that. When I looked I expected to see ash but instead, I saw Polly.

“Jesus Pol you scared me,” you said while covering your face with your hands. 

“I'm sorry (Y/n) wasn't my intention but I just want to check on you. I tried to find your brother but I think he went to the pub.” she while removing my hand from my face and wiping away the tears from my face which I had failed to notice.

I looked at her in the eyes while trying to form words but all that came out were sobs painful sobs of everything that had built up in for the past years. Pol lay my head on her shoulder and hugged me with one hand on my head and the other on my upper back.

“N-no I not” I let out in shaky breaths that were uneven and tears streaming down my face.

“Ssh try to catch your breath.” pol said while rubbing my back.

“He was j-just a kid. A bit older than me a-and ash. He had a family that loved him and he's gone. It's all so fucked up Pol.” I said while burying my face in her shoulder even more.

“It is, it is, he was an innocent boy who was killed. You shouldn't have seen that and he shouldn't have died.” Polly said while running her hand up and down my hair.

We just sat there for what felt like forever. I wanted to ask who she thought had done it. I wanted to ask if I could do anything to help but in the end, I knew it would all be futile. From what Fez told me, peaky business was peaky business and not to ask questions. Don't get our family deeper than we already are. 

After a while, Polly withdrew from the hug. She looked me in the eyes and wiped the remaining tears from my face and gave me a smile I could only imagine a mother could give her daughter.

“How about this? You stay at my house for tonight and your brother can as well. I dont want you or your brother to stay here alone for now,” she said

“Pol it's fine we can handle ourselves. You already have a lot on your plate. I don't want to burden you anymore,” I said with an unsure voice. 

“Nonsense your welcome at my home anytime you like.” she said looking in my eyes before heading toward the front door.

“Well come on we're going to find your brother,” she said again, she opened the door and stepped outside, holding the door for me while I followed.

“He is probably at the garrison getting shit-faced or something,” i said walking next her while looking around slightly chuckling.

“Well we will see, how about this tomorrow you and me and maybe ash will go out for the day.” she says trying to lighten the mood, i look at her a laugh slightly.

“Sure why not but are you sure I mean me and ash were sorting things out at the house since we just got it we don't really have money to by-,” I say but am quickly cut off by pol

“Nonsense I will pay for anything you or your brother need okay,” she says while looking at me kindly. We walk through the street towards the garrison. It is musty and complex to breathe but it is what I have become slightly used to when it comes to Birmingham. The buildings are coated by years of smoke and children play in coal piles. If you look close enough you might mistake the falling ash for snow on Christmas day.

As (Y/n) and Polly continued walking towards the garrison, they passed by familiar faces in the neighborhood. Some nodded in acknowledgment while others gave them suspicious glances.it seemed Living in Small Heath, one could never be too sure who was a friend and who was an enemy. They finally reached the garrison, a place where many of the Shelby family members and their associates gathered. Inside, the atmosphere was thick with smoke and the smell of whiskey.

 Polly's eyes scanned the room, searching for Ash, but he wasn't among the crowd. “Guess he's not here,” (Y/n) said, feeling slightly disappointed. Polly nodded, “Well, let's give him some more time. In the meantime, why don't we sit down and have a drink?” 

she suggested, gesturing towards an empty table in the corner. They sat down, and Polly signaled for a drink. The bartender quickly poured them a couple of glasses of whiskey. (Y/n) took a sip, feeling the warmth of the liquid spread through her body. It was a welcome distraction from the chaos of the day. As they chatted and waited for Tommy, (Y/n) couldn't help but admire Polly's strength. Despite the loss of her own children and all the hardships she'd faced, Polly remained resilient and fiercely protective of those she cared about.

 Soon, Tommy arrived at the garrison, looking troubled. His eyes met (Y/n)'s, and he gave her a small smile, a rare thing to see from him unless you were his childre, family or lover. He then turned to Polly and greeted her with a hug. “I heard about what happened at your place,” Tommy said in a low voice. Polly nodded, “Yes, it's a terrible situation. We're going to need to be cautious and keep an eye on things. (Y/n) and Ash needs protection.” “I'll make sure they have it,” Tommy replied, his expression stern.

“It's fine we can protect ourselves besides I think it was targeted at you guys more than it was at me, Ash or Fez,” i say while looking down slightly to scared to look them in the eyes as i could feel the gazes on me

 “But we need to find out who did this and why. This was clearly about sending a message that and we won't be pushed around.” As they discussed their next steps, (Y/n) felt a mix of fear and determination. She knew she had to protect herself and her brother, but she also wanted justice for Jimmy's death. She couldn't bear the thought of another innocent life being lost because of the dangerous world they were caught up in. 

Later Ash walked into the garrison looking around (y/n) caught her brother's eyes and waved him over to where she, Pol and Tommy were sitting, she ordered some drinks for everyone and continued to listen to Pol and Tommy talk. 

The night wore on, and they continued to strategize, knowing that they had to be cautious in their every move. By the time they left the garrison, it was already late, and the streets of Small Heath were dimly lit. “Come with me,” Polly said to (Y/n) and Ash as they walked towards her house. “You'll stay with me for the night, and we'll figure out a plan together.”

 (Y/n) nodded, feeling grateful for the support she was receiving from Polly and Tommy. Even though they were just business associates; they were treating her and Ash with more kindes than she thought they were owed but she felt happy at the same time, she was happy to have her brother with her as well and in the dangerous world they lived in, family meant everything. As they reached Polly's house, (Y/n) felt a mix of emotions. The events of the day had been overwhelming, and in her mind, the weight of the world seemed to rest on her shoulders. 

By the time they got to pols house (y/n) felt exhausted and was slightly using ash as a walking support. Pol lead them up to the room they would sleep in it was spacious, there were two twin-sized beds with a desk put in between the 2 beds. A window looking outside that let the moonlight shine through and 2 closets on either sides of the beds

1st person 

“Well I hope this is alright with you 2 i'll see you in the morning,” she said before leaving the room and closing the door. Me and ash having taken off our shoes once we originally got in the house walked to the different closets silently and got in them to change our clothes for the night, we brush our teeth and did whatever either of us usually did for our night routine 

A moment passed by with neither of them saying anything until Ash decided to speak.

“You think this is a sign,” Ash said looking up at the ceiling, I looked over at him 

“What do you mean,” I ask confused, Ash turns his head to look at me

“Maybe we should've stayed in the US and never left, maybe things would be better.” Ash said before looking back up at the ceiling.

“I don't think anywhere would be better for us ash, I mean the shit our family is involved with, no matter how far we run I don't think we'll ever be able to run away from what's coming,” I said while looking at Ash. he looked over at me with a gaze I knew all to well a gaze I had given him many times before when I felt helpless or confused. 

“Whatever it is i'll make sure it doesn't hurt you Fez or grandma, ok ash, family above everything,” I said smiling at him.

“Oh also (y/n) when you went to that carnival who were you really with.” Ash said, his eyes filled with curiosity and mischive. 

“Uhh… don't snitch to fez but it was a guy named Duke he worked at the circus but I haven't talked to him or seen him for a while and I have no way of contacting him, he was a cool dude thought i'd like to get to know him more,” I said, I could feel myself start to feel slightly happy at the thought of seeing him again 

“Yeah, I bet you would like to get to know him better hmm,” Ash said jokingly, I shook my head with disgust

“Ew Ash what the fuck I barely know him, don't say shit like that.” I said covering my face in emmbarsesment and rolling over in my bed. I could hear Ash laugh, so I took one of the pillows and threw it at him, I could hear a tiny ow before he shut up. 

“Night ash,” I said to him before closing my eyes. “Night,” he said back to me 

As I closed my eyes my mind drifted back to Duke. I wondered where he was, he hadn't ever left my mind ever since the day I first met him, there seemed to be a lot about him. I wanted to know he was very quiet about his life. Which could only make me wonder about him. I missed him oddly enough, I missed him like I missed Rue or Maddie. They were like family to me, I only hoped they were ok. 

Same night Dukes pov

 Duke let out a sneeze as he sat in the dimly lit circus tent filled with the scent of sawdust and anticipation as the performers prepared for their acts. Among them, Duke Shelby couldn't help but feel a weird peculiar tingling in his chest, and it wasn't because of the show. It had been quite some time since he last saw (y/n), the girl he had met outside the circus grounds months ago.  As he brushed down the sleek black coat of a circus horse, Duke's thoughts kept wandering back to that fateful encounter.

 He remembered how he had stumbled upon (y/n) while she was walking to small heath. She asked if he could help her get there on his horse-drawn carriage to her intended destination, with the promise of payment. he was curios by her demeanor, how she would space out, how she would ramble without thought but stop before she revealed too much, she interested him even in his usually reserved demeanor. 

He had invited her to come to the circus while it was in town, hoping to talk to her more. It was an impulsive decision, driven by a desire to know her better and, perhaps, to impress her.  But things didn't go as he had hoped. (y/n) seemed to enjoy the circus initially, her eyes shining with wonder at the daring acrobatics and mesmerizing performances. Yet, after a little while, she excused herself and left, offering only vague reasons for her sudden departure.

  He went about his duties that night, trying to focus on the work he had to do. Yet, behind the straight seemingly bored face, his mind kept wandering back to (y/n). He wondered where she was, what she was doing, and if she ever thought about him.

  Duke thought it was dumb of him to think of someone he barely knew, someone who probably didn't remember him. Perhaps she already had forgotten about him, just like he should forget about her. Duke felt a sense of longing mixed with apprehension and anger. He couldn't shake off the thought that he wanted to see (y/n) again, to talk to her, to understand more about her, if anything. But for now, he could only hope that fate would bring them together again and that maybe, just maybe, the thoughts he had would not remain unknown forever.

The horse neighed slightly as he brushed its black coat of hair. He had always liked horses so he had no problem taking care of one for the fairground. He hadn't seen Esme in a while and still thought back to her reaction at your name almost like she new who you were or knew of you.

“Duke how's the horse coming along?” yelled Dukes boss, he turned away from the horse to spare a glance at his boss

“She's almost done.” Duke mumbled out before looking back at the horse and continued to brush her. He felt a tap on the shoulder and turned around as his boss placed his payment for the week in his hand,  2 pounds.

“Next fair will be by small heath in a week after this one, you'll get your full payment tomorrow.” said the boss before turning around and leaving the makeshift stable/tent. 

“Mhm, good to know.” Duke said lazily while he continued to brush the horse, by this point he hoped his boss was leaving. The whole reason he chose to take care of the horses was because he got to be away from people. They pissed him off. He likes horses better than most people anyways.

He felt intrigued by the idea of returning to small heath, mainly because it might give him the opportunity to see you again and have more conversations with you. The memory of your address crossed his mind, making him contemplate the possibility of visiting to check if you were around. Despite acknowledging that it might come across as creepy, he couldn't help but entertain the thought.

He finished brushing the horse and put everything away, he started walking to his caravan as he did he heard the sound of cars leaving and people talking. It was loud and annoying, underwhelming almost, soon he heard footsteps behind 

“Did you hear about that boy found dead” said a boy behind duke seemingly talking to his friends, duke started walking slower to hear the conversation going on behind him

“Oh yea it was dead kid found on somebody's doorstep right?’’ said the other boy

“Yea and apparently the peaky's got something to do with it, I heard polly gray went to the house he found there were two people there, a boy and a girl maybe 14 or 15. I think they work for the peakys or maybe they killed the boy.” said the other boy, by the time they started talking more about what had happened they had walked past Duke.

He watched them as they walked past him the last thing he could hear was that apparently the body was found in small heath birmingham. He shrugged and continued to walk to his caravan.

He got in and laid on his bedspread. He stared at the ceiling unmoving, he stared at the cracks in the wood and listened to the wind blow through the tents and nearby trees. He wondered if he would ever have more to life than being a fairground worker.

He wanted to travel the mountains, all of them, here in Britain and maybe the rest of the world. As he closed his eyes his mind went to you and wondered how you were doing. Soon he let the embrace of sleep take him to a quiet darkness as the candle light danced on the walls.

[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

Personal share: I just needed to vent this out to a void of some sort.

Nobody warns you about the 'literal' COST of Living you face once your born. I feel like my childhood was me being scammed into spending a bunch only to be later slapped in the face with the receipt and expected to pay it. "What?You can't pay it? Well let's make it a debt you owe me, now get to work bitch"

I'm sharing this here because honestly, I think if anyone I know and love in my real life were to hear me out they'd tell me what I already know "That's just Life".

With how sensitive i am right now, I'd break down into a sobbing mess and I can't afford that right now......

- Im on the verge of feeling numb again, like brittle and so ready to disappear.

-Im struggling to feel passion and feel stuck in an endless cycle of work, sleep, eat repeat.

- I feel empty and a constant thrum of nausea at everything I say, do or when I see my reflection.

-Ive tried buying my joy and short bursts of satisfaction but it always leaves my bank account empty and fades too quickly.

-I miss my parents, but I'm a adult now and they expect adult things from me. They don't have time for my mood swings because I'm "just too much"

-My sister is drained from work and I don't want to be an additional burden

-My best friend is preparing to fight for her new career and I don't even have my liscense to drive. (I have no idea why she still keeps me around when I'm so unambitious)

- My cousin has lost so much weight and im growing jealous of her confidence. (She's married and has 3kids!! I'm jealous that she's found someone she trusted to start a family with and I'm still a lonely sob)

-My brother is moving out to live with his long term gf and start his studies. (He has no loans thanks to my sis and I, Obvs doesn't respect or care for me as much as he does her. I deserve it honestly, but it still stings sometimes)

- I struggle to speak most days because I just don't think. I have anything worth saying. (But my job requires me to call ppl and I cant afford to lose this gig)

-I struggle to eat because I just can't find the balance between starving and overindulgence. (I love my body. But there are parts of me I feel I need to change because society or loved ones say I should)

-I struggle to socialise because I just don't share the same interest as those around me or my work colleagues. (Is this because I don't know who I am some days? Or because I just don't have the energy to be contradictory to somebody else's opinion?)

-Im constantly sick and feel guilty for taking days off and still getting sick leave pay. (My job caters to this!! It's in my contract so why can't my brain stop making everything feel like doomsday!?)

- I don't often make mistakes but when I do their huge and I feel immense shame and guilt everytime. I'd offer up my limb if it would make the bad feeling go away. (These are the moments I wish I could read minds, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it!? Is it actually ok or are you just saying that then talking shit bout me behind my back?)

Honestly..... I just don't think I value myself enough right now, I don't think Im seeing my worth and I desperately need to fix it before it becomes worse.

I've had this fight before and I won, I'm not doing it again.

I'm tired.

God am I tired.

Fuck.

If this doesn't ease up before my next one to one with my boss, I'll ask them to send me to therapy (work benefit is that'll be free)

[jackies-ear]

I love that i found a therapy group and the ppl in it are great and i dont want to leave it but its just been making me sad??

Like i finally after however long have queer ppl i can talk to! About queer things!

But its also making me realize how fucking much i missed that and having ppl (outside of work) that i can actually talk to and connect with, in the ways i cant do w work friends (where im a she/her cishet). And in a way that i had with Sarah, but not completely bc i didnt always talk abt the trans stuff w her

But then also im posting a bit more on insta again, and started posting to my story, and i have an old friend from oregon i havent talked to/seen in years who is always one of, if not the, first to see/react to whatever i posted and im so fucking sad that that relationship fizzled out with life shit and now them fucking reacting to a post brings me to tears?? And like yeah i could message them but now im on the other side of the fucking country and its been years and i have enough trouble holding down friendships when im in the same fucking city like i dont want to start smth up again and then fucking ghost bc i cant hold a text conversation to save my fucking life

And the groups trying to get me to talk more and theres shit that either i only told Sarah or ive told fucking no one and i should prob tell them abt this fucking meltdown im having rn?? But thats fucking terrifying. And its really just abt reconciling thoughts that ive: only told Sarah, only told the group, only told myself.

Sarah. Its just about Sarah. Like every moment of the last 2.5 years. I want this to get easier but also i really dont bc i dont want to forget but i just need it to stop hurting so fucking much all the fucking time its still all i think about

[dead-lesbians]

Wanting to talk about this woman who was trying to groom me but i KNOW if i do ppl wpnt take me seriously because like, i was 17 , almost 18 at the time and when she found that out she was like ‘oh we can just be friends i can just be a big sister’ but the thing is she was SO pushy about it and i KNOW i dont look a day over 18, i dont even look 16, and this 28 year old woman still decided to flirt with me and even when sh tried to say we could just see eachother as friends , she wouldn’t take the answer no immediately.

I almost had a panic attack at work a few weeks ago because a woman who looked so simular to her came in. Im scared shell be on the same bus as me and ill be stuck in a situation where i cant leave and have to deal with her.

Ive heard from others that shes been weird to ppl much younger than me but ive not got any evidence and even if i did its not my story to tell, so a lot of what confirms my suspicions about her trying to groom me relies on other much younger victims coming forward.

[melancholyhime]

things ive been recalling, if someone even cares (if not its ok, bc its for me to write out and look at)

a boy from my childhood who loved me very much, his was instant and mine was slow and full of teenage shyness/awkwardness/undiagnosed autism. our friend pretended he saw a squirtle in my pool and swam away leaving us alone. the boys hands shook as he cupped my face. i remember that even now. his hands started to shake whenever he would touch my waist. he never touched me without asking or me reaching out first. he was a dork and a nerd and such a good son. 2 dogs. but my god he lied. he lied about a piece of his life i guess bc he wanted to seem cooler to me. he never had to be, and i never said i wanted anything differently. but i could never fully agree to be with him bc when i called him out in the lie, he wouldnt come clean bc it had gone on for so long. his lie was more important than telling me the truth, and it was the single door that remained closed between us. ive never been as intimately close to anyone ever again.

i said yes to a boy in college when he asked me to marry him. he asked me because we were fighting again. we were better as friends but couldnt see that bc of how much we had poured in to one another. i genuinely loved him. but i loved a lot of ppl, bc to me (always) love is not a singular definition. i choose the ppl i love and i love them different amounts and ways and quantities and reasons. he couldnt accept that: "you dont know what love is" i will never forget those words. we on and offd again for years. we didnt marry. i kept a letter he had wrote me until my actual first fiancee found it and accused me of still loving him (of course i did but again, different ways amount etc) so i tore it up to prove that i "didnt love him any more". i regret it to this day.

i tried women and polyamory bc i didnt fit anywhere. i didnt fit. no one stayed because i didnt know how to make them. i even called myself fridgid bc thats what i was right? like a broken toy that had an essential inner gear twisted out and it still worked but now it didnt do one particular function. i was pansexual, but no that wasnt right either. a partner touched me and i felt disgusted.

my last boyfriend hand made me cherry pastries one morning at the beginning of the relationship. my roomate kept telling me he wasnt good but that one act kept me attached for so long because it was so kind. and simple. and full of care. it meant he really cared (and maybe he did). he always wanted sex. i did not. he never forced himself on me but i felt so guilty that i would give it to him and feel icky afterwards. when we finally broke up we still had a few months on our lease together so instead of trying to "work it out" like he begged and i agreed to, he brought a girl home and fucked her loudly so i could hear what i hadnt given him, what he could have always had if i was just a normal loving, giving girlfriend who wanted to please her man, and then ignored me for the rest of the lease until 2 weeks before we moved out, when he apologized and asked if we could be friends.

and finally. finally. i googled the demi/ace flag. of course id seen it in lgbtqa posts but just five articles in of frantic reading tears streamed down my face because i finally found the ppl that felt the same way i did. i wasnt broken i was just made another way and the relief that i felt when i saw the explaination for everything i had saw and felt within and outside of myself.. i can never express the warmth that crept back into me that i hadnt realized i had lost bc i had stopped loving myself a long time ago bc i had been so busy trying to love others the right way and ignored myself--the worst thing u can actually do. all the self loathing evaporated. all the evil mean down talking i did to myself on the daily trickled quickly to a stop. i stopped calling myself broken and frigid, i stopped feeling i was made incorrectly, i stopped believing those people (including the evil part of myself) were right.

i am 38. it took that long.

[knifeprtys]

.

[sabertoothwalrus]

i had ANOTHER dream abt miraculous ladybug and this ones a LONG one. it didnt have your artstyle but time paris DID have lovely architecture such as: the bigass hollow tree stumps in breath of the wild, u know the ones big enough to fit a shrine and a half. anyway, the final battle is Happening, people get to wonder if hawkmoth is gonna bite the dust in real time bc its being televised. this is all taking place smth like 3 yrs in the future from season 4 of the show. so theyre like uhhhh Older Teens and certifiably Tired Of All This Shit. so! at the bottom of one of those tree stumps, cat noir’s identity is going to be revealed! oh no!! hes in a #crisis of the soul mostly bc getting revealed would be Bad but also he doesnt feel like hes helping ladybug anymore. he doesnt feel trusted. a classic tale of the villain manipulating a traumatized teen. and ladybug (looking out over a roof and yelling at the top of her lungs) is like “ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU LEAVE MY PARTNER ALONE.” and bribes hawkmoth away by dangling her own secret identity in front of him like a worm on a hook. it works a little too well. her identity gets revealed! cat noir is safe but in the shuffle hes lost his miraculous and marinette picks it up. shes got both and puts them on. tikki and plagg are like “MARINETTE ITS SO DANGEROUS TO WEAR BOTH AT THE SAME TIME” and shes like “im going to punch hawkmoth in the face” and off she goes.

cat noir is nowhere to be found bc now hes adrian! and she doesnt know that! but he knows shes marinette! drama! so now ladybug is re transformed (without activating the black cat miraculous) and is whaling on hawkmoth. she crashes thru my house which is definitely not in paris and tells me and my sibs we have to get out NOW so we book it and its at this point the dream reveals to me that mylene’s mom is chinese and i sit there like Now Hold On A Minute and my mom says “i told u so!” and i tell her “you dont even watch the show???” mylene was wearing a green cheongsam. i don’t tend to ask questions. also by this point i made a mental note to tell u abt this bc it only gets more batshit.

ladybug told us (and everyone that was running away which was a lot of ppl) that if they find cat noir they shld tell him that ladybug loves him. then she has this Stellar idea. she finds nadja chamack and her camera (bc theres only two newspeople in all of paris and one of them runs reality tv) and is like “hi i need to get a message out to cat noir.” when the camera is situated on her (mind u ms chamack is VERY aware that this is her daughters babysitter and is currently holding hawkmoth in a chokehold) she says “im sorry cat noir. you believed in me and trusted me since day one and i couldnt extend you the same courtesy. i was wrong. there is no one else who can wield the black cat miraculous, no one else i would trust with the power of destruction. meet me at our normal rendezvous point so i can give back what is yours.” its all very heartfelt but undercut by the fact that hawkmoth’s bitch ass is shouting explicatives next to her. the fight resumes. she gets slammed into a wall á la every anime fight ever and manages to hide before getting to the roof where she’s waiting for cat noir. shes in a right amount of pain and tikki is running her mouth abt danger and injuries etc. marinette Will Not Move until cat noir shows up. and he does! adrian arrives! when marinette sees him she starts laughing and crying. adrian is rightfully confused. is this a good thing? is this a bad thing? did she hit her head? (yes to all 3.) marinette says “i have been in love with you since 10th grade.” (were they in 10th grade? i do not know.) adrian says “and ive been busy being in love with ladybug.” and then she apologizes again, gives him the ring back, they hug, kick ass and meet up in her room.

if it feels like we’re going rlly fast now its bc we are. the dream was pretty much a montage at this point. hawkmoth is arrested, the world knows who ladybug is, adrian is an orphan, nathalie is still sick, and marinettes parents r thinking that their kid has nearly died MULTIPLE TIMES and they never knew. also luka is under that bridge going “oh fuck.” marinette is in her room trying to explain what will happen next to alya and nino. alya says “i had to tell nino”and marinette says “i am beyond the point of anger. but whatever.” cat noir falls thru her sunroof and they hug (again, there was so much hugging in this dream to make up for the complete lack of hugging in the actual show) and alya + nino are like “uhhh awkward.” the last convo i don’t have quotes for bc at this point my alarm was ringing but it was something abt how marinette cant be ladybug or hold the miracle box and she wld want alya to be the holder but NINO knows and nino Cant Know. but cat noir doesnt want marinette to lose her memories! but People Know. the conclusion was they have to talk to chloe abt how to navigate paparazzi. this is my chloe-and-marinette-could-be-friends agenda. ok i think thats EVERYTHING. if u read all that godspeed, drink water. OH. FINAL THOUGHT. ADRIAN HAD LONG BEAUTIFUL HAIR WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ALL OF THIS. he had model-brand stubble and sharper teeth than he should.

sometimes I’m peeved that tumblr increased the character limit for asks to be higher than 500 characters, and other times I get

1k word asks about miraculous ladybug dreams, and I think that’s beautiful

I do unironically love the part about Chloe helping Marinette navigate paparazzi, rip to her canon character development

[soulwillower]

i have loved your roommate headcanon series for a long time. i know you are on a break so when you come back would you want to write another part? i just can't get enough i love new girl and the losers

dude yes! sorry i took so long but im glad to write more :) this series has been rly fun haha i also love new girl

also i haven't written headcanons in about half a year so bear with me warnings: mentions of sex, mentions of reader x bill, some drinking, reader and losers are 21+

not sure if ive mentioned this one before bc now this list has been v long

but u get stood up on a date at a rly nice restaurant one time

and u tell the guys but u tell them in a casual way, texting them n saying ur gonna finish ur glass of wine n then just go home

they were clubbing that night

(richie insisted on having a guys night)

but they want to make u feel better

so they show up at the restaurant, the fancy one, wearing their stupid clubbing outfits

(richie had worn the ugliest button-up ever)

ur crying bc ur so embarrassed about the date not showing

everyone at the restaurant knew you'd been stood up, esp the waitress

and she wasnt being v nice abt it

so richie decides hes gonna start singing "time of my life"

in the middle of the dining room

ppl are staring at him now,

and bill and stan join in but stan doesn't know the words and bill is only singing a terrible, unmatched harmony

it rly makes u feel better

bc u cant stop laughing

u join in

but then the restaurant kicks u out and bans u for life

so u guys buy a cheap bottle of wine and go home and bake a cake and get wine drunk

yeah ok also

one day stan comes tearing into the bathroom where u and bill are brushing ur teeth

he just screams "SPOT! THERE'S A PARKING SPOT!" then sprints out of the apartment

u guys run to follow him bc u guys thought u didn't have a garage spot

sure enough there is one parking spot with ur apartment number on it that was covered by a dumpster

until stan found it

this sparks a vicious war between you, stan, bill, and richie to decide who deserves the parking spot

ur all debating at ur dining room table and then richie gets a notification and springs up

"well, the sex window opened up. gonna go park my car in her spot." richie says with a wink

as he leaves he's smirking and you're all calling for him to put money in the douchebag jar

he does it reluctantly

"i still want the spot!"

once he's gone, stan turns to you two, "well that leaves three of us."

then its silent bc u all rly want the spot

stan and u make eye contact

and something clicks between u two

u know bill will be easier to break than stan and u know he knows it too

u know, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'

after several moments of silence staring at bill, you and stan finally break him

"ALRIGHT" bill yells, "good job guys,"

u and stan high five in victory as bill mutters, "how do you two care about things so much?"

"you know what this means, y/n? bill denbrough is now a swing vote." stan says

bill moans in contest

"NO way."

but he becomes the Decider (much to his protest)

u decide that u will try and seduce him into giving u the spot

cheap trick? yeah

but it nearly works anyways

ur wearing his sweatshirt and shorts, putting on your best show

bill's like "i'm confused, y/n"

bc its obvious ur acting weird

as you parade around his bedroom while he works

"are you flirting with me to get the spot?" he asks after a minute

u insist u arent

but bill shrugs, "the parking spot is yours y/n"

ur enthralled

later that day, stan is acting weird to bill too

"who wants an ice cold, frosty pilsner" stan says as he hands bill a beer

bill takes it, clueless

"i know you haven't chosen, yet, but i just wanted to say thanks, man." stan says

bill spits the beer back into the cup, "what for." he knows what stan is doing bc u did it earlier

stan's like 'ik ur gonna give the spot to me, but i appreciate u keeping up the act our of respect for y/n'

bill's just like "the spot's going to y/n"

stan lunges for bill and takes back the beer "gimme it!"

"i was just trying to be a gentleman"

bottom line, things get worse when bill decides that since u both tried to trick him, he deserves the spot

so u guys all start arguing again and end up staying all night in the parking garage

bc u guys said whoever leaves the spot first loses

at some point stan pees himself

and the only reason u dont quit out of hunger is bc u remembered the candy u had in ur pocket to eat

ur all screaming at each other and stan suddenly just screams "gimme the spot or i'll kill you all!"

so after that u decide u need to stop being immature and that you'd all decide in the morning

but in the end

richie ends up with the parking spot

bc he came home from his hookup and just parked his car there

lol

ALSO

going to a wedding with all of them

actually soo many weddings bc ur at the age where all ur friends are getting engaged

bev and the guys all insist u have to go as richie's date

bc he has a crazy ex who will b at the wedding and he always backslides and gets back together with them

and u pretend to b richies gf

its so fun

yes i love roomate!losers

tag list: @decafcoffew @michaelwheelers @deadlyperfectionist1228 @kmt123whatsthetea

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

����👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[hello-yue-here]

Yuetara, zukka, and maiko

yuetara

ship

1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.

2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.

3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.

zukka:

SHIPPP

1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic

2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.

3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))

maiko

ship

1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.

2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.

3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.

again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)

[kalofi]

hi

hi when i was in fifth grade i was in the marimba band it was really cool i also joined this one after school group called body percussion and there was this one girl in it who had no rhythm at all i mean like none and she would always be off beat which kinda annoyed me but its ok i ended up only going to like three sessions of that thing then i quit cause it was kinda lame anyway later in the year me n my friends wanted to create an acapella group because we had just seen that movie whats it called uuuhh sing it or noo uuh PITCH PERFECT yes pitch perfect we had just seen that so we wanted to make a group like that so we handed out flyers and everything to ppl in our grade then during lunch at the end of the week we held auditions and me n two of my other friends were the judges and there was this one boy i cant remember his name but his last name was pratt (and i hated this kid he was so annoying he was such a brat and wanted everything his way and he had a crush on me which annoyed me SO BAD also his older brother accused my older brother of bullying him and got my older brother in trouble but then it was revealed that pratt’s older brother had just made it up and was being a crybaby so i didn’t like either of them after that) anyway pratt went up and i remember he sang pompeii by whoever it is yknow the song that goes like way oh way oh oh way oh way oh oh way oh way oh oh way oh way and if u close ur eyyeesss yeah that one he sang it but it was so fucking bbbaaaaadddd like we had to ask him to stop and we ran to the bathroom so we could laugh then we came back and he started singing again but this time we couldnt hold it in and we started just laughing so hard and he looked like he was about to cry so we apologized and were like ok whatever ur in and so a few other people auditioned and we made an acapella group but it didnt even last lol like the first and last time we were a ‘group’ was during those auditions then we just promptly forgot about it. later that year we got our spanish teacher fired because pratt threw a textbook at a girl’s head and the teacher didn’t do anything about it so she and her parents complained also the spanish teacher was always on facebook and would just give us exercises from the book to do and not actually teach us anything so yeah. oh my gosh also ive never told this to anyone but one time when i was leaving the church building to go to my car (i was pretending to be sick so i wouldnt have to do sacrament) i found a wad of money in an envelope on the ground and it was like 840 real (we lived in brasil and this was like 180 usd at the time or smth) and no one was around and my fifth grade brain was like ‘OH IM RICH !!!!!!! but wait what about the person who dropped it won’t they need this money.....’ and after thinking hard over it for about 30 seconds i just took it cause obviously this was god tryna tell me that i deserved the money for all my hard work in marimba band so over the course of the year i spent all 180 dollars of that money on peach ring gummies from my school cafeteria and i would stockpile them in my locker or in my bag and for some reason no one ever questioned how i always had like 5 packs of candy on my person at all times (probably cause i paid for their silence thru sharing my goods) and sometimes i would buy ice cream pops as well :) 

that was a good year.

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[galaxytale]

not over my ex yet but like at the same time like lol? fuck him. i still love his dumb ass but he rly did treat me like shit while acting like i was the real problem every time i got fed up with being treated like shit, tried to hold him to task for it, failed bcos he refuses to accept that he can be in the wrong abt shit, got frustrated and hurt bcos hed flip the blame back on me, and lashed out.

like. still love his sorry ass cuz hes my fuckin bro and i dont leave homies behind but i am gonna distance myself and live my life further away from him and his new bestieeee uwuwu ((lol what happened to me being ur bestie before we were dating bud?)) ((btw said bestie is toxic as fuck actually as ive come to discover bcos i uhhhh communicate with people and like. talk to ppl regularly instead of just like once in a blue moon)) till he stops being headass and comes to a few of his own senses abt shit and grows the hell up a bit. ((mf you got a few years on me you should know better by now than to be acting like you were/are))

also have a feelin hes gonna end up in a similar circumstance as they pulled w/ me bcos me and his ~new bestie~ pulled that same shit on someone else. so ive gotta stick around to catch his ass when he falls cuz hes gonna fall hard and it aint gonna be pretty. i told his ass i wouldnt leave him and i meant it even if he said that right back to me but tossed me away like rotten dogshit the second things got rough.

like. love this rat bastard but fuck him. seriously. he put me through an immense amount of bullshit and serious damaged my self confidence, ability to trust, my ability to trust my own reality and perceptions, and a lot of other shit. mf even made me doubt my own morals and moral integrity (which as a perfectionist, hypermoral autistic with a lot of guilt issues and a trauma based drive to fix everything i do wrong and never fuck up in a Major Way.... thats fucking kinda earthshattering) and for a while almost had me convinced that i did something i know i never would do because its /literally against one of my most stalwart core moral values/

but im not going to just leave his ass. because even though hes acting like a fucking headass idiot right now i believe in his ability to do and be better. and he may have left me when i needed it most but god. i know hes got a major storm coming in his future and i will be there for him. this storm is probably going to end up being the thing that knocks him off his high horse cuz he wouldnt listen to me before when i was telling him nicely that he needed to get down.

so motherfucker. if you aint gonna fuckin listen to me, go get your ass hurt. ill wait. and ill be here ready to help patch ur dumb ass back up. because i fuckin love you you stupid asshole. and im pissed because youre disappointing me with your fucking behavior.

until then im going to put my fucking energy into healing from what you did to me, and keep an eye on your dumb ass from a distance. and ill come back happier and better than before. and ill be better than you. im going to make myself into a better and more stable person than you. honestly, i already fucking was one. you were the biggest source of my instability and you only exacerbated all of my insecurities i shared with you while claiming you knew how best to deal with things.

im going to be better. not for you. im going to prove myself a better person than i was before and im going prove myself a better person than you. because im fucking disappointed in you for making me think that out of the two of us, somehow i was the worse one.

you may know the words “im sorry.” you may know what an apology is. but you have never used them. you have never tried to improve or change your behavior. you dont get to claim that i somehow “undid” all your work. you never did the work anyway. and id know, because ive known you for 6 years. the only reason youve ‘gotten worse’ is because you found a way to stop feeling like you need to hold yourself accountable.

i may say im sorry too much. but at least i fucking know to use the word. and im trying my best to make sure that i dont stop at only saying it.

[mayapenelopeclutterbucket]

*SPOILERS* for TGD 3x12 “Mutations” aka this is me typing from the dead because this episode gave me more then one heart attack 😭🙏🏼

Also I’m sorry this post got so long I’m just so excited/happy Jesus Christ like wow just wow

So I wasn’t initially going to watch this live because I have work at 5 in the morning 🙃 and because I wouldn’t be able to pause it while my hands try to keep up with my thoughts but it’s been so long since I’ve been able to do it and I missed it despite my hatred of commercials lol so wish me luck!

Also I’m very very excited for the melendaire content we’re getting tonight since they’re working together again and I’m freakin hoping at this prom they throw Melendez either does a double take at how nice Claire looks OOOOR we get him asking her dance 😭 just SOMETHING PLZZZ

I haven’t even started the ep yet and already can’t wait to see some of the moments in hd tomorrow once it comes on Hulu 😂

I can’t believe shaun is really gonna move out like I get where Carly is coming from but shaun is allowed to have female friends and after some theories from the last ep I’m worried shaun only told Carly he loved her so she wouldn’t leave him like “everyone else”

Aww adorable these two are so cute and Claire thinks they’re adorable as well and imma sue abc if one half of that couple dies or even worse BOTH

Melendaire group chat finally popping again 😭 although I don’t text back until break I love y’all tho 💕💕

So secret checkups with glassy and Morgan 👀 when are ppl gonna find out about her arthritis for the drama~~

Oh my god since when does Melendez go in there for MRIs it’s so just to see Claire oh my god Melendez being in love with Claire and her usual compassion

Omg cuties joking about Claire going to therapy and it working well and talking about love and being happy

Like why else have them interact like that omfgggg I can’t not even five minutes in and we were already getting melendaire content 😭 THEYRE SOULMATES

God damn it I knew it something was gonna happen to the girl since the guy is a okay

Well damn that medication Morgan is on for her arthritis is FUCKING her up smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

Aww all she wanted was one prom but we know Claire will make it happen for her

Aww them talking about prom and Melendez wanting Claire’s answer and her talking about her mom so freely and then going to see glassy together THE MELENDAIRE MOMENTS KEEP COMING 🙏🏼

The fact the writers were just like fuck park lmao he doesn’t even need to be in this scene with Melendez & Claire or instead of Claire 😂

I’m surprised Carly didn’t say anything about lea knowing their business again

Lmaoo Andrews calling Morgan out about sucking up and her owning it

Claire you are not sorry for overstepping don’t lie lol

Sharly working together professionally how adorable

Park is so annoying I’m v done with him he has no soul IM TIRED OF IT

I have missed Claire being pushy to help her patients

I’m glad Carly’s smarts and her being badass scenes are being extended past the lab

Oof Melendez being supportive of his boo and unsurprised of Claire wanting to make their patient happy (BECAUSE HE LOVES HER FOR IT AND IS GRATEFUL HE GETS TO WORK WITH HER REMEMBER) and wanting her to find a way around the mom 😭😭

God I love these two

Oof trouble with sharly has risen

Awww Carly and shaun getting each other and their ideas and finishing each other’s sentences l*mlendez could NEVER but melendaire could 😂 sorry cheap shot I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Glassy is gonna out Morgan on her arthritis soon I feel it

Wow a shaire moment when was the last time they shared a fucking scene like they’re supposed to be besties wtf happened writers?!!? Aaaand it’s over in like a minute

😭😭 Claire is such an angel she’s the freakin BEST

Carly using science to explain how she feels to shaun cute

Oh my god no you can’t use an Ed sheeran song with cancer patients 😭😭 that makes it 20x sadder

Melendez and Claire are totally staring at each other in awe omg

Omg Claire Melendez are chaperones park no where to be found y’all know what that MEANS and they’re the only other people there they better fucking dance together omg I can’t he just said Claire looked to be feeling idiotic happiness 😭

AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS RIGHT I FROZE AND COULDNT BREATHE BUT MELENDEZ REALLY DID ASK CLAIRE TO DANCE AND THEY DID HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE WE GOT THAT MELENDAIRE MOMENT I’VE BEEN DYING AND WAITING FOR SINCE I SAW THE BTS SCENE OF CLAIRE IN THAT OUTFIT AND FOUND OUT THIS EP WAS GONNA BE A PROM EP I had to type all that after the moment ended so I could really experience it since I can’t pause OR rewind but I was yelling oh my god so much my sister had to ask if I was okay 😂😭 I had a heart attack when he asked her if she wanted to dance ngl

Claire being inspirational and giving good speeches again I love her so much and am so glad she’s doing better

Carly you better not have changed your MEDICAL opinion because you wanted it to align with Shaun’s 🙄

Wow glassy you really had no other ideas nor could you jump in I hate him

The melendaire exchanging looks scenes are back in action

Wow that Carly and shaun moment was super adorable him calling her idea perfect and brilliant and her being brilliant and almost perfect 😭

Man they really said fuck park this ep huh he isn’t with Claire and Melendez again

But boy shit no she died 😩😩

Wtf why can’t Claire and her patients ever catch a BREAK like leave Claire ALONE and omg does Claire being heartbroken again mean we get another Melendez comforting Claire scene?! Becaus the way he stared after her after she ran off 👀👀 oof is NOT platonic lol

Aww sharly held hands to comfort and support each other

Holy shit I was right suck it katie @pinkobsessedfreak (I’m just kidding I love you 😂💕💕) for bringing the group chat down and shutting my theory down

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT WE SERIOUSLY GOT MELENDEZ GOING AFER CLAIRE WITH ANOTHER STAIRS AND BALCONY SCENE AND HIM COMFORTING HER AND MAKING HER FACE HER FEELINGS AND TELLING HER ITS OKAY TO BE ANGRY AT HER MOM (I was robbed of a hug but it’s okay I got everything else I fucking needed tonight) and now he has an idea for with something that makes him feel better

That fake out 😂😂

Wow oh wow this ep really was chock full of melendaire moments NOW THEYRE BONDING BY MELENDEZ AND CLAIRE RUNNING TOGTHER AND HIM HELPING WITH HER GRIEF AND AND EMOTIONS AND TEASING EACH OTHER OH MY GOOOOOD IVE DIED AND COME BACK TO LIFE SO MANY TIMES THIS EP SO IM SORRY IF THIS POST IS SO LONG

don’t y’all love how lim was in this epcand yet we didn’t get a SINGLE l*’mlendez ep because I sure af do!!! Also park who?? Lmao he was hardly in this ep even tho he working the same patient with Melendez and Claire they really shoved him out to make these endless melendaire moments happen

SLOW BURN BABY WE BACK IN FUCKING BUSINESS

Also in other news shaun lost his v card and it looks like we’ll get some more Morgan angst with her mom possibly dying or some shit like that like man these writers really don’t want any of the residents and doctors to have good parents or alive ones for that matter lmao

Also some breznick moments which will be cute

YALL IM STILL SO EXCITED FROM TONIGHT LIKE OMG THIS SHOW THIS SHIP GETS ME EVERY TIME I CANT WAIT TO GIF IT TOMORROW 😭😭 like I can’t get over it I’m in SHOCK still

We’ve really gotten Melendez comforting Claire not once not twice BUT THREE TIMES this season. This really is our season and people try to say Melendez treats all his residents like he does Claire or that he has done the same for others before YEAH FUCKING RIGHT

Okay I’m done I think freaking out at least on this post freak out about it in the comments with me tho or my ask or by reblogging just be happy with me okay 😂

P.S. check out my melendaire gifset that’s not showing up in the tags 🙃