#like my grades literally could not be better

[trulyy-yourzz]

Unknown Affection

Billie eilish x female reader !

Summary: Your best friend finally expresses her affection for you after finding out your boyfriend cheated.

Warnings: Tiniest bit of angst and a little smut towards the end

First ever fic, praying you guys like it!! Notes at the end.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒 𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You and billie were best friends. Joined at the hip since you met in middle school, 7th grade, a moment you'd never forget. She was popular amongst all the other kids at school, and you were quiet. You only had about a few friends to talk to, but that was all. You never really cared about that kind of stuff.

It took you by surprise, and you almost couldn't believe it when she started talking to you during one of the classes you shared together. "Hi, I'm billie." You just nodded your head and smiled. You weren't much of a socializer, so you didn't really know what to say.

"Not much of a talker? I get that." Once again, you nodded and smiled. You were nervous, scared you might say the wrong thing. She tilted her head and gave you a warm smile. "You're very pretty." Your heart skipped a beat, and you looked at her, caught off guard by the sudden compliment. It was something you were never used to. Amused by your reaction, she just laughed. And immediately after that, you and billie were friends.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Fast forward a few years later, you and billie were in her fancy little apartment. Now in college. And here you were, talking up a storm as she just sat there and listened. Her head rested on the palm of her hand, pretty much admiring how beautiful you were. You never really understood why she thought you were "so gorgeous" when she was literally the definition of it.

Billie was perfect, not a single imperfection in sight. You kept talking and noticed she wasn't really paying attention. "Billie? Are you listening?" She chuckled. "Of course I am. I'm just a little distracted, love, that's all." You shook your head and nudged her shoulder. "Well, as I was saying, I caught him cheating, AGAIN. And he just sat there, denying it... i swear he's just so -" You looked at her, realizing she wasn't listening again. "Okay whatever. Never mind."

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your coffee. She just laughed and sat up, looking at you with an expression you couldn't quite decipher. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I keep telling you to break up with him..." She said, looking at you with a bit of disappointment in her eyes. You circled your finger around the rim of your cup and sighed. "I know, but... he was my first love billie. I'm just confused."

Billie looked at you. She could tell you were genuinely hurting, but it was really starting to get on her nerves. That little boyfriend of yours always rubbed Billie in the wrong way. He was always googly eyeing her and trying to always talk to her. Billie knew he was just using you. She scoffed and crossed her arms, leaning back against the couch. "I just wish you would drop him already. Seriously, you've been at this for how long already? It's tiring." You looked at her and just blinked, a bit taken aback from the aggression in her voice. "Okay bils...I get it. There's no need to be rude."

You grabbed your cup and got up, walking to the kitchen. Doing anything to get away from the awkward situation. She blows raspberries and scratches the back of her neck awkwardly, realizing she was out of place and was definitely a bit rude. This wasn't like her. She stood up and walked over to you, grabbing your arm as she spun you around to face her. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just... you deserve better love. Way better."

You looked down at the hand that held onto yours, then back up at her. She's right. You did deserve better. Your boyfriend is an asshole and just uses you to get close to billie, but you didn't want to admit it. This kind of thing happened all the time. People always used you to get close to her, and it was bothering you.

You looked down at your feet, biting your lip to try and prevent the tears from forming in your eyes. You failed. You clenched your jaw as the tears fell from your eyes. Billie noticed and lifted your chin with her hand, gently wiping the tears away with her thumb as she cupped your cheek in the process. "Hey, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And if he can't realize that, then he's a dick that doesn't deserve either you or your love. Forget about him."

You looked into her eyes. She leaned in closer, and you felt your heart start to race. What was she doing? You grabbed onto her arm gently and closed your eyes. She smirked and stopped, only a few inches away from your lips. She could feel your heavy breath. It was tempting...so tempting. She cupped your chin and lifted it higher as she gently placed her lips on yours and smiled as she felt your grip on her arm tighten.

She waited until you parted your lips, a sign that you gave her permission to continue. She snaked her hands around your waist, pulling you so close that she could feel your heartbeat on her chest. She hummed into the kiss, noticing your hands trembling as they held onto her arms for support.

Billie licked the bottom of your lips before lifting you up into her arms and placing you gently onto the kitchen counter. Her lips snaked down to your neck. Licking. Biting. Completely devouring you. Your head fell back, and you moaned. She smirked. You looked so beautiful beneath her, so helpless and weak to her touch. Billie always had a thing for you. Compelled to tell you the truth. But never wanted to make a move, worried she'd make you uncomfortable... until now.

Billie moved her hand from your waist to under your shirt. When she realized you hadn't been wearing a bra this entire time, it had only turned her on even more. She cupped your breast in her hand, circling your perked up nipple with her thumb, and you moaned again. You grabbed onto her shoulders, nails digging into her skin as she pinched down on your nipple. Causing your eyes to flutter shut from the stimulation. "Mmn... Billie-"

This was your best friend. You had thoughts about situations like this, maybe once or twice, but you always brushed it off. Now that you were experiencing the real thing. You wanted more... needed more. You'd never felt so good in someone's embrace like this before. She made you feel so special.

She licked a stripe up your neck before pulling back and looking at you, only lust and desperation filling her eyes. She licked her lips and smirked, biting down on her bottom lip. Her hand fell down to your ass before pulling you closer. Her head resting on your shoulder, your scent driving her absolutely wild.

"Fuck... you have no clue what you do to me..."

Notes:

I literally had to re-write the whole thing because my phone died, and I didn't press save.💔 But it ended up turning out better than what I initially wrote...

But I hope you enjoyed it! This is just a little something, so I know what I want to do moving on :) 💕

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous

[the-halfling-prince]

Designed a dress I want to make heavily inspired by Merida from brave and then I decided to draw it on Merida.

The original sketch:

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[starbuck]

where did my productive phase go? i miss her…

[anaalnathrakhs]

...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.

[antifragi1e]

am i allowed to be upset

[watermelinoe]

i miss traditional college i would've had so much more fun and a 3.9 gpa if it weren't for the pain disorder >:(((

[oflgtfol]

quastion. if you were a high schooler looking to take the least stressful lab science would you taking physics or chemistry

i think this is a simpler question of which do you enjoy more? for me i would choose physics over chemistry any day but that’s because i hate chemistry and so all chem labs i took were boring and stressful, and i love physics so the labs were fun and interesting

however if both subjects are equally uninteresting to you, then i do recommend physics! maybe i'm biased, but i think even personal interest aside, my high school chem labs were definitely more involved and complicated than my high school physics labs. physics experiments in lower level classes such as high school (and even introductory college physics to some extent) are pretty simple to set up and conduct, the main understanding comes from doing the math afterwards to get any sort of result out of it, whereas chem was more like, actually mixing stuff and then observing

not only were physics labs easier, simpler, and more engaging, but each lab also was unique and distinct from each other. i really can only recall the same basic setup of like, mixing stuff together as the idea behind every single chem lab i did. the exact way you mixed them together differed of course but that was the main idea

meanwhile some examples of physics labs i recall from high school include:

projectile motion: most likely you will roll a marble down a ramp off the edge of the lab table, measure the horizontal and vertical distances it traveled, maybe time it also or use a photogate to measure the velocity, or something, and then use the kinematic equations to find any missing variables, and then through all that you will probably be to told to find the value of g, what is known as the acceleration due to gravity, aka the rate at which things fall.

circular motion: you may be using a FLYING PIG to demonstrate circular motion!!! figuring out the tension in the string, the idea of centripetal force, centripetal acceleration, rates of revolution, etc.

harmonic motion: push some slinkies around, demonstrate hooke's law and spring force, calculation of frequency and oscillation, maybe observing resonant frequencies and resonant modes

standing waves: using some sort of low tech version of a standing wave generator to observe, well, standing waves. the high school version of this lab i believe was very surface level and was mostly just drawing how different standing waves looked, counting the nodes and antinodes, and predicting it for different frequencies. i think the teacher even got us a giant rope and we had to recreate the lower frequency standing waves together as a class by just oscillating it ourselves

all around, in my experience at least, high school physics labs are so much more involved and engaging than chem ever was. and while the math involved in the physics class was more daunting than chem, it was such a fun and interactive class. and again i may be biased but i think, if both chem and physics are uninteresting to you but you need to choose one anyway, i think having a basic background in physics is a lot more useful and goes a lot further than a basic background in chem does. i truly believe that knowing stuff about the kinematic equations, circular motion, free body diagrams, harmonic motion, etc etc will enrich your life further and change the way you see the world around you. high school physics will not make you an expert but it can certainly make observing patterns in life and how the natural world operates a lot more fun and exciting

[derpinette]

too many males getting veneers when really they should be investing in hair transplants if anything

[dimonds456]

it's 4 AM so you know what that means! Time for me to make a list of all my disabilities so I can clearly lay them out for both myself and the nonbelievers to see! Like a normal person!

Yes, I'm able-passing, and there were days previously where I questioned whether or not I'm actually disabled or if I was just faking/exaggerating it, but no. Not anymore. The sheer length of this list alone is enough, let alone if I had just one or two of the things on here.

I have: - Chronic Depression - Chronic Anxiety - ADHD - Autism (more than likely, not confirmed) - Graves Disease / Hyperthyroidism - Balance issues - Weakness in knees / elbows - (Tendency to fall the fuck over because of this combination) - Aversion to heat above 60º F (15.5º C) - Need glasses - Astigmatism / sensitivity to light / Graves eye bulging - Audio processing disorder - Fucked memory / focus / CANNOT read numbers quickly idk why - Breathing issues (I deadass just. Forget to breathe sometimes.) - Shakiness in hands (thank fuck it's mostly gone away, but not 100%) - Inconsistent heart rate - Unsteady grip / "chronic butterfingers" as I've been calling it - Back pain - Hip pain - This one doesn't have a name but I walk on the sides of my feet instead of just stepping down normally because nothing I have ever done in my entire fucking life is normal - Bad leg that never healed properly - Trauma - More trauma - Holy shit there's so much why is there so much of it and why am I only just realizing how much there is holy fuck - I know I'm forgetting some but this is all I can remember off the top of my head

But yeah I'm able-passing. :)

[blurglesmurfklaine]

literally so fucking over my job.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[stinkbeck]

😔 this prof has called on me out of the blue every class, i have answered every one of her fucking questions, i have done all the reading except the second half of one of the novels, and she knocked off my participation grade with no explanation.

[2eds]

naw i dont do upset posting or anything but. if i lose my madness combat special interest im going to be so upset. i dont think im gonna but i havent been drawing as much either so thats probably it. i love madness so much i habent gotten the chance to talk about it either. i might make a long post about my ideas aboutttt their characters and stuff

[the-sweetest-little-angel]

Very much as child learned to "hate dumb." Would react with anger and annoyance if saw friends be dumb in ways I was. Struggled to empathize. "Why not able to figure it out? I did."

But I didn't. Just trauma responses. Forced because of bad things happen when was dumb. Got yelled at, was frustrating. Never could remember or retain things. Never stopped being dumb. Just became angry when was dumb and hated others being dumb like I was. Would react with anger like I was treated.

Being abused survivor and seeing those patterns in yourself is scary. Seeing how much I acted like my family to own girlfriend was heartbreaking. Knew had to unlearn it.

As unlearned it, learned that was always dumb. That it never changed. That it okay to be that way. Have harder time processing, much slower. Cannot understand many things as others might. Struggle to retain info even if got it at time. Like would learn in tutoring or class, but not be able to apply or recall it when needed to. Cannot learn to cook, get overwhelmed. Cannot learn basic life skills others know.

I never stopped being this way just cause I refused to accept. And the way learned to figure things out was never real. It was trauma response. And trauma response lead to burnout. Can no longer do things to figure stuff out like before. Because it was forced. It was never meant how brain operate. It was forced to protect self. And now while other friends can learn do stuff, cannot. Trapped.

Whatever ability had to learn even if was slower at it or couldn't understand is fucked over entirely by trauma and abuse. Because was forced too young for survival. But also forced into skills maybe would not develop or would need to develop when older. But now will never know. Will never know what could have done if allowed to be given help young. If not treated horribly for brain difficulties. If not shamed and mocked and yelled at for things. If given actual help. If not treated like not understanding was on purpose.

Maybe some things could do. Maybe some things could never do. Will never know. Hard to live with that. Hard to know just how much trauma affected autism and mental struggles. How would be if not traumatized and given help versus now after severe neglect and abuse. Whatever skills "developed" from trauma now gone too. Feel trapped at same levels as elementary school. Because never really learned. And now educating and learning triggers. Try to learn things and shut down or overwhelmed and cry. Or have bad flashbacks. Ability to learn so affected by trauma. School traumatizing enough without help, but worsened by family. Worsened by mockery. Worsened by neglect.

Will never really have answers to how Angel and system would be. Because so much fucked Angel up. So much fucked Angel and system up. Already disabled and autistic. But add on severe trauma some of worst can imagine. Horrible neglect and abuse. Isolation. Not even have diagnoses. Just now getting help for allergies and chronic pain. When have experienced it for years. Still waiting on sleep apnea. Looking into autism adhd diagnosis. Finally. Fucking finally. Want to cry.

But mother will still say "barely on autism spectrum" despite how act. Despite cannot do stuff self. Despite her having to help me. Despite meltdowns. Despite everything. And mother still expects to be "functional" and independent if get autism diagnosis and get help. Will not listen to us when say not happen, would take lifetime to be able get there. Too much.

Simply want to be happy and given help. Not to be independent. So much stuff that will take years to deal with. Is okay with that. Mother is not. Mother acts as if life is tragedy that cannot be independent. Which mostly mean live alone and work a job. Hate mother. Hate way she treats host and system. Hate her. Angel hate her.