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heffrondriving · 2 years

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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊ ❛ why love myself (when i found you instead?) ❜ : ̗̀❥ james × jett ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

: ̗̀❥ RATING: G // WORD COUNT: 5,710 // CHARACTERS: jett stetson, james diamond // TAGS: one shot, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff, slice of life, grocery shopping, domestic bliss, idiots in love, established relationship, schmoop, jealousy, protectiveness, insecurity, himbo boyfriends, prompt fill, jett-centric, i.e. a sad mad (smad?) jett lowkey adhd-monologues a whole loooot

: ̗̀❥ inspired by the song Glitter Times by Waterparks and dedicated as ever to the wonderful @cvsmicbaddie1 💜

: ̗̀❥ [Part 5 of Cupid Got Us F♡cked Up]

❝ so when you go, trap the feelings we both know, line your ceiling love you so rough it burns my bones yeah, when you go, leave those feelings home alone, busted pieces... ❞

The grocery trip wasn’t going out as well as Jett had hoped, and he was seething mad.

No, it wasn’t because he and his dumb boyfriend had wasted thirty minutes in the dairy aisle shivering and locked in a pointless heated debate about what kind of milk to get (James wanted plain oat milk—talk about Stuart Snooze!—but Jett wanted to try out this schmancy Japanese mushibou-gyuunyuu milk made from rice that was a million times healthier and was loaded with vitamins from A to Z and could probably extend your lifespan by like a good ten years or something, which they were so gonna need if they wanted to preserve their ‘best-looking people ever’ status). Or the fact that the gawky-faced teenager manning the checkout counter hadn’t been broken in on how to input simple coupon codes and nearly cheated Jett out of a good deal—seriously, 40% off on Le Labo hand soap and a free box of ultra-soft makeup tissues? That was a SuperStore steal!—if the scowly bearded manager with the unwashed apron and Hail Mary keycards hadn’t shown up to perform his pre-lunch break miracle (even with his reclaimed freebies, Jett still unfortunately had to use James as a human buffer to keep McNotLovin’It dude’s ick from spreading to him, as he made a mental note to cleanse his boyfie with palo santo and lavender incense later before he let him step a single cursed foot inside the apartment). Or even the disastrous fact that the flimsy paper bags ripped apart just as the couple had finally exited the premises and mister caveman-handed Diamond had to duck back and ask for some new ones, leaving one extremely miffed super actor superstar to chase after and pick up the tumbling products that had long-found their way to the disgusting confines of LA’s sidewalk gutters.

At that point, Jett’s life was just trying to be some sitcom. Some unfunny, sound effect-riddled, cheap cardboard sitcom that certainly didn’t deserve to have an A-list celeb such as bien à vous anywhere on its tiddlywinks show roster. If he heard that stupid disruptive uh-oh-oh song playing anywhere at all, he was seriously going to lose it and commit unspeakable acts of gorgeous violence (like how he played his role as a gorgeously evil half-wizard, half-demon in Witches of Rodeo Drive, but like, minus the star-spangled robe costume and zappy lightning magic and for realsies this time).

All of these consecutive troubles only really left the weary actor to wonder, not for the last time in his grievous life, why he even allowed James to tag along with his important shopping duties when he was perfectly capable of doing it alone without any added hassle. Sure, Jett could also just assign the weekly grocery list to his saintly agent and have her toss the task off to another lackey who’ll take care of everything without him having to lift a finger or touch the money with hideous old men in it, but he quite liked the rigmarole of this mundane ritual more than he’d openly admit, and he just couldn’t trust some unpaid intern to choose the perfect quality ingredients for his delectable recipes. Besides, Jett wasn’t about to pass up any easy opportunity to get all suavely styled up for the weekend and fatten up his paparazzi portfolio with candid photos of how glamorous and yet still smashtag relatable he was—tweenies and tryhards on ScuttleButtr ate up that kinda lifestyle press, after all.

James also had a big day off from howling in his papa dog’s studio today and an even bigger heart for wanting to help out...but that heart was unfortunately as sharp-witted as its biggest idiot owner and always ended up klutzily knocking the last seven letters out of assistance, no matter how desperately James wanted to spend his time with the amazing Jett ‘Sexyman’ Stetson enough to lap after his heels and do him all these spare domestic favours.

Which fine, Jett can’t really fault anyone for that, he liked having some (or lots of) extra muscle around and he was just that amazing after all—but he could, however, still fault James for the rest of this grocery pickle (no, not the ones that just did an Olympic-sounding splooshy dive into an open manhole). Matter of fact, why was the amazing Jett Stetson the one out here actively making a fool out of himself trying to play catch the freaking street cabbage anyway? For crying out loud, he was so not gonna make his super special cherry tomato couscous salad with cholera-infested chickpeas and sewer-tangy feta cheese!

Though, all things considered, their time at the grocery store was all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows with a bearable side of bickering and business as usual. Surely a few lost purchases was the far ideal outcome than say, James’ rabid hockey hound besties making a surprise cameo and ruining their lovely day out together with some ‘brilliant plan’ that would inevitably burn down the whole establishment and get someone’s troublemaking butt carted off to the nearest LAPD station. But Jett found that it was always simply getting back home afterwards that was the hardest part of going out.

After all, he was going out with James Diamond, a looker and a stunner and a charmer all around, cicely smiles and a carved physique and a crooning voice that could haunt kaleidoscope daydreams and velvet-lined palace hallways alike. Whenever the heavens rained down to bless their horizons with affection, James always got soaked to the bone and still had enough space left to drown the ocean. Flitting spotlights and starry eyes couldn’t get enough of him, and neither could Jett—even if most of that irresistible attention came in patronising backchat and lethally exasperated doses (and sometimes sneaky kisses). Still, like the contrary was god’s gracious truth, maybe the actor should also count himself pleasantly lucky to be with such a spectacular trophy boyfriend for the crushers and the cameras...but then again, why should any other five cent vanilla-plain cretin be able to share the same four-leaf clover fortune as him?

It’s just not frigging fair.

No, it wasn’t some kinda weird obsession, whatever—‘cause people obviously obsessed over Jett, not the other way around!—but it was just plain common sense. Jett was more than used to getting attention. He doesn’t have to turn all choosing beggar for it like anyone else in this hack town, it was served up to him with a gold-flaked garnish and a lifetime supply of garlic breadsticks with an all-expenses paid bill, and that’s all part of the Stetson charm.

But when he was with James? As much as Jett hated to admit that he had met his match, the warning signs couldn’t lie when they were smacking into his forehead all over the city, reddening his vision and forcing him to pay attention to the attention that was supposed to be all his, now divided into measly portions. Wait, no, not just divided—it was like some dumb waiter with string worms for arms decided to draw the line between who was gonna get the bigger half and who was gonna starve for scraps.

Surprises, surprises, James always got his fill. And Jett was left feeling like the trophy idiot. It made him painfully sick to his stomach, that infuriating imbalance, feeling like he was somehow lagging a thousand steps away from James as they walked arms steadfastly looped and strides side by side down the bustling boulevards of Hollywood, Jett forced to take a backseat for once—even that alone was already unfathomable, unless he was being chauffeured around in his personal CW-provided limousine—and watch James’ hungry gravity suck every innocent passerby in, James Diamond in his best element and he knows it.

And he knows Jett knows it, too.

See, Jett wouldn’t give a sewer rat’s mangy butt otherwise. Have a bottle-blond boy draw down his pricey knockoff Ray-Bans for a ‘Cuda cool check-out and a sneaky snake-skinned wink or have a tropicana-fragrant girl flip her sundress and temptingly wiggle her fingers in the smoggy wind to the siren’s lure of a prospective date, fine, whatever—that was all standard shindig and fruit loops flattering. But seriously, did his jerkfaced Jimmy Dean really have to lay down the charisma card so thickly suffocating with polite affectations and keep going all showbiz talk-show to every sweaty stranger who stopped them in their tracks with a disgustingly-drawled beckon of his name?

One moment, James was holding Jett’s hand, tenderly rubbing his thumb over his boyfriend’s knuckles (a reflexive habit, it seemed, but an endearing one all the same), and juggling the stuffed paper bags in one cradled arm so he could stoop down to sneak Jett exasperated giggles and fleeting chocolate-chip kisses (James was one of those chronic post-grocery snackers, so Jett made sure to toss in some nice cookie treats or two in the shopping cart for him) as they talked about their plans for the rest of their treasured day off together; which resulted in the usual squabbles and tongue-in-cheek threats to shut up before the other’s cherry lips did the shhhhutting up for them.

But Jett can’t even enjoy that much, because everyone just kept getting in the way.

Have these rude litterbags seriously never heard of the side of the sidewalk? Trust the city of angels to be littered with devilish desperados looking for their next cheap thrill hit, carelessly sticking to boot soles and the roof of mouths like discarded cigarettes. Some frumpy Tweedledumb and their preening Tweedledork twinsy looking like Old Navy mannequins gone rogue, hanging around at CVS parking lots like their next illegal prescription fill depended on it always had a wry greeting, a smudged phone number, a halitosis-callous “ditch...whoever that total loser is you’re with and go out with me instead, why don’t you?” to sic upon James. Now Jett really wished one of the hockey hound besties would actually show up, so he could then sic them as an easy distraction for all the townie weirdos craning their necks out for a back-alley good time. Sure, Kendork might not fall for such a ruse, but maybe the helmet shortie terrier or poindexter nerd supreme could work well enough with biting off a couple ankles. Freaks, geeks, and wannabes were the new online trending topics these days too, wasn’t it?

James might kill Jett for it. Or James might actually have some spare brain cells in his elephant heart enough to understand that it was all a part of the fame game, just as much as Jett understood the best when to be a gracious gentleman and let someone else take the spotlight for once—nevermind that it was always inevitably going to get shined back to him. But this courtesy was saved for show premieres, press releases and junkets, and dazzling red carpet walks with fellow illustrious celebrities, not for some lame skeezebag with a pick-up line filthier than their fingernails trying to snatch up his man!

Jett couldn’t stand it anymore. His long-suffering pride absolutely would not stand up nor stand down for it, and he was on his last leg today. He could easily withstand a gaggle of fawning fangirls (‘big timers’ or ‘BTRmy’ or ‘rushheads’ or whatever the heck tacky title they called themselves—at least the Jett-Setters had a cool nickname to scribble all over the back of their lined notebooks) who wanted nothing more than an autographed Overeager Haberdasher headshot and a fantastical one-way trip into the esteemed James Diamond’s low-rise pants. Jett’s had some personal experience with that crowd himself, and more often than not, they were just some harmless little squawking ducklings with the occasional overexcited bitey oddball in between that a hefty bodyguard could easily handle.

But Jett would take that baby wacko wrangling any day of the week than having to deal with some disheveled unattractive rando shooting him the evillest eye that sent a cold shiver snaking down his spine and made him feel colder than getting trapped in a dairy aisle, while mister gross gawker pulled James’ ear real close and whispered something in it. Something slimy and deeply sickening no doubt, judging by the way James’ eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared into the luscious forest of his swoopy bangs. Even with all the various brazen flirtscapade moves Jett had witnessed against James today, that one was truly the lowest of shameless lows. If they handed out annual awards for Most Outstanding Creep, that stranger danger would win every single one without even having to show up.

But that wasn’t even the worst part of everything. Because Jett looked up from sulkily reshuffling his beat-up groceries for the nth time to witness James not immediately drawing back and defending his honour with a sword-fight (or maybe a more sensible shove-fight), and instead simply smiling his perfectly lethal smile as he made a firm grab for the man’s arm. And he leaned in uncomfortably close—making Jett crush up a handful of cherry tomatoes into bloody mush—and whispered something back, something that made the man’s sunken eyes bug out of their sockets as his jaw dropped to the floor and his Skeletor face burned red...even redder than the dripping fruit pulp that the enraged actor had slapped over James’ face in a rightfully aggravated fit. If he was gonna act like a clown, then he was gonna get treated like a clown.

The disgusting nerve of it all!

So no, it really wasn’t Jett’s best move. It was a move for sure, but causing a whole diva tantrum scene, dropping his crumpled grocery bag full of not-so-fresh organic produce for the second time that day, and abandoning James in the middle of the street with Abnormal Bates didn’t scream out superstar sophisticated—but what else was Jett supposed to do? Keep gritting his teeth and smiling politely to the ignorant vision-impaired plebians who didn’t have enough functioning brain parts to recognise and acknowledge his beloved presence? Keep letting those revolting schmucks get away with slobbering all over James as his clueless boyfriend did nothing but stupidly swallow their drip? Keep silently suffering through the blacktop-burning anger that blistered his perfect skin and made him feel hot and numb and shaky all over? Jett was gonna end up knocking someone’s pricey veneers out if he kept it up. Or vice versa, and he can’t get awesome acting roles and rock modelling his awesome movie posters with yucky dentures!

Jett didn’t know how long he ran for, didn’t really know where he was escaping off to, didn’t even realise he had curled up in some dirty alleyway next to an overflowing dumpster until the putrid smell hit him full-force and made him choke into nauseated rage and bitter laughter. Well, whatever. Maybe this was where he belonged right now—he was down in the dumps, after all. He’d laugh some more at his quick-footed wit if his twisted ankles weren’t actually killing him.

With a groan, Jett gingerly stretched out his feet, distastefully kicking aside a soggy takeout box as he did so. Really, he couldn’t have ran that far nor intensely to warrant such a kind of flaring pain. He seriously had to jump back on that elliptical. Or return to his weekly spin class with Anna-the-juice-cleanse-and-capybara-loving fitness instructor. Hopefully the wet market-smelling slimeball three stationery bikes behind Jett who kept ogling those unblinking fish eyes at him had finally decided to change gyms by now...

Jett’s begrudged musings were interrupted by a swarm of unidentifiable insects milling their way out of the discarded food box, as he started with a scream and curled himself up again and seemingly pulled fifty muscles in the process. Jett sighed resignedly. He was just so unlike his perfect baby blue boyfriend, who had the alarming workout ethic and brawny muscles of an ichor-guzzling demigod, who could compete in an Ironman marathon on a downright whim and win that first place red ribbon and sweetest Gatorade shower without breaking a single sweat, who could easily pick him up and carry him around like it was nothing and spoil him with supertastic cuddles like it meant the world and—

Jett only realised his grave mistake right as he felt someone’s brawny arms gently drape around him, the redolent smell of some toxic-man-branded ‘Cuda perfume, his favourite subtle spice aftershave, and the fresh sweetness of cherry tomatoes enveloping him and making his lungs hurt, hurt, hurt.

“Why are you still here?” Jett snapped, refusing to lift his head from his folded elbows. If he had to gander at that wide-eyed sad puppy dog look he knew all too well James was sporting like the latest Milan look, he was going to use the sheer brewing force of his evil will to zap him into a pretty-faced portobello mushroom (yes, very much like those meddling kids in Witches of Rodeo Drive). “You clearly don’t need me around!”

“Babe...what’s wrong?”

“I’m sick of people getting all upfront and personal and creep central with you! I’m Jett freaking Stetson, they should be looking at me, I’m amazing and gorgeous and like, the bestest superstar ever to exist in this slipshod city that I’m way too high-calibre to grace my brilliant presence with!”

“Seriously, is that it? You’re mad at me ‘cause I’m taking the attention away from you?”

“No, it’s because they’re taking your attention away from me, you dense idiot!” Jett’s tone had taken on a petulant whine, and he hated that he couldn’t help it. Just as much as James couldn’t help being so irritatingly...himself. After all, a good stupid heart got you some places, but stupidly good looks gave you the skeleton key to the entire world. Jett didn’t want to let himself open up like this, but James had to hear it from him sometime. If not now, then it would be never. “You crave all the attention and you get all of it whenever you want and from whoever you like and I wouldn’t care—but you also keep flaunting everything in front of me and practically shilling out VIP passes to your gunshow like you’re some kinda discount Oprah, and it’s really annoying! They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve you.”

“Well, it’s not like I can really do anything about it—”

“Yeah, but you also don’t have to freaking enjoy it so much that you’re practically wearing me down with all the smarmy face-rubbing you’re doing!”

“Dude, seriously—ugh, look, believe me, I don’t really enjoy it as much as you think I do. And I swear I’m not trying to do anything like that to you like, at all.”

“Oh? Then why aren’t you acting like it?” Jett accusingly spat. “And seriously, why do you even like me, James?”

“What?!” James threw his hands up bewilderingly. “Where in the world did that come from???”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now or you’re just trying to play nice—‘cause you just love doing that with your innocent little boy act and shiny halo, huh?—but not a lot of people really like me. Sure, they adore me or fear me or obviously wanna be me but they never really care about me beyond that. And like whatever, they’re all just stupid jealous haters and unattractive losers who need lives anyway—but then maybe you shouldn’t have to put up with me, either. ‘Cause I hate fakers worse than plain jerks more than anything else, it’s so obnoxiously tiring. So. I’ll ask you again. Which one are you?”

“Jett, come on...we’ve been together for ages! What makes you think I’m still just faking all this?” James pleaded. “‘Cause if that’s the case, then I’m probably the best darned actor in the whole world and I deserve all the super cool awards and shiny trophies and stuff. But I’m not, you are. And if you’re asking me how I really feel about you, I can only really tell you one thing, and that’s I love you.”

“Yeah, you say that now ‘cause it’s what I wanna hear—but what if you fall in love with someone else, huh? You wanna settle for someone a lot less better than me? You’re gonna find your next love at first lousy sight and final happily ever after on these filthy streets and have your magical movie moment that even Hallmark wouldn’t freaking sell? And then what?” Jett’s shrill voice splintered into a thousand pieces, lodging in his aching throat and heaving chest and prickling his vision to a watery blur, smearing the beautiful image of James Diamond into bleeding bokeh lights. How easy it was to let him walk ahead and fade away, to leave Jett in this unknown alley stretching out to an obscure infinity so he can pick up his uglier pieces by himself and salvage what’s left of his shattered dignity somehow. “Then you’ll leave me too?”

“I’ll never do that even if you paid me a spajillion dollars,” James assured without hesitation, nuzzling his face on the crown of Jett’s head and planting small kisses all over it. Jett shivered lightly as the other boy indulgently breathed in the elusive fragrance of their latest experimental Tropical Coconut conditioner with shea deep moisture (Jett thought the packaging looked really pretty like him, James complained that he didn’t wanna smell like a beach, Jett called him an extremely rude rhyming word, and James gave up...well, after a little more physical persuasion). “And besides, what’s not to love? Like you said, you’re Jett freaking Stetson. You’re amazing and funny and super talented and surprisingly caring, and you can cook up exotic world-class dishes that could put every fancy-schmancy pricey restaurant in LA to shame, and you’re super smart with all those weird obscure history and fashion and culture thingies that even the genuisest person I know wouldn’t be able to catch up with. And yeah, maybe I get super annoyed sometimes, but that’s only because you’re also the best-looking person at the Palm Woods. Or maybe everywhere else you go, for that matter.”

“Well, duh!” Jett huffed with a bemused roll of his eyes, lightly beating a fist on James’ lap. “See, that’s exactly why I don’t even know why you bother with those scuttling street rats when you have me.”

“‘Cause they all want you too, it turns out.”

“...Come again for the big man?”

“You know what that crummy lowlife wanted from me? He was asking all about you, Jett.” James explained. “He said some really nasty things that he wanted to do with ‘your pretty friend over there’ if I did him a solid and introduced you ‘cause you way too busy with moping over the groceries to notice, and I had to very kindly tell him to shove off with sleazing out on my precious boyfriend before I put my pretty foot in ugly places the sun don’t reach. Believe me, I almost friggin’ did. I just can’t let anyone disrespect you or hurt you or speak about you like that, ever. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it...” he exhaled harshly and shook his head in resentment. “But luckily, you running off saved me from having to do anything really bad in the end, so there’s that.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah. And everything about this whole crazy sitch today, from our whole grocery shopping mess that was surprisingly fun to having to fight all those creeps away which was, well, not really so fun...all of it just made me even realise how much I don’t ever wanna lose you to anyone else.”

Jett didn’t respond. He couldn’t bring himself to, not without some oncoming embarrassing breakdown—and he’d had enough of those for one day, thank you very much!—so he settled for a sniffle instead. Maybe it was pathetic enough to sound cute. Or maybe it was the other way around. He couldn’t tell.

“I mean, do you know just how blessed I am to be with you?” James continued in an earnest whisper, lifting Jett’s chin to lovingly wipe off his cascading tears with the sleeve of his jacket. “That out of everyone you could’ve chosen, you went with me, James Diamond, the luckiest man in the universe? Do you know just how crazy you make me feel, babe? You make me feel so happy, so insanely wild for you, so much better everyday that I’m with you, and that’s never gonna change. As a famous pep-talking man always says, things like these come once in a lifetime, and I know that I’m in this for life. So no, I don’t care how many date-worthy people are roaming out there and asking for my number, ‘cause I’ll never feel anything as amazing as when I’m with you, and you alone.”

“Hmph...really?”

“Of course! You’re my boyfriend, my Jett-ski, the luuurve and liiiight of my life,” Jett scrunched up his nose at James’ unabashed cheesiness, making the singer laugh, “and I love you so much, and I’ll never stop loving you forever and ever, times infinity plus one. And I promise you with all my heart and soul and my awesomely smooth hair that I only have eyes for your gorgeous face, you sulky little idiot.”

“You better, or I’m poking them out with a kebab skewer—and it’d be a right shame, ‘cause you’ve got some pretty golden peepers on you and I’m gonna miss looking at them too.”

“I promise.”

“On your life?”

“What, the heart and soul and hair wasn’t enough for you?”

“See, I was almost convinced you weren’t gonna say something immensely annoying between all that glitter-sprinkled sappiness, which means that you’ve probably been replaced by an evil brainwashing skull-faced alien and then I’m gonna have to go all chew gum and kick butt on you.”

“Ugh, sure, I’m the one being annoying—and yes, of course on my life! On our lives together. And my lucky comb. And my cool white v-neck shirt that you keep stealing. And my gorgeously gorgeous washboard abs. Do you want me to go on? ‘Cause I could totally go on.”

“You honestly had me until that last part, which is a total lazy lie.” Jett snorted, poking at James’ stomach and making him burst out in a peeved giggle. “You’re starting to get all soft around the sides—I’m cutting you off from binge-watching Spanish telenovelas while scarfing those guilty pleasure Slap E. Cheese burger abominations with your sleepover besties before you turn all Stay Puft Diamond Boy on me.”

“Nah, that’s actually from you spoiling me all the time with your delicious home-cooking, ya big dummy,” James said, coyly spreading his arms wide open. “But does that mean you don’t want supertastic cuddles from your Jimmy Dean anymore?”

“I didn’t say that...” Composing himself with another tiny sniffle, Jett threw himself on James and smothered him in a koala hug, nearly knocking him flat on his back and onto the teeming insect trashopolis prospering on the ground. “And well, next time, you have to be super mean to literally anyone and everyone else who tries to get with you!”

“Ooh, you know I can’t do that, fuzzybumpkins. You know the paparazzi’s totally gonna tear me to beautiful confetti shreds if rumour gets out that James Diamond of wholesome boyband act Big Time Rush is a total jerkface to fans, and then the whole band’s gonna get in big time trouble with Gustavo and Kelly and big boss Griffin over all the bad PR, and we can’t really have that, can we?”

“Eh...who cares? You’re badly due in for an image do-over anyway, ‘cause the whole snoozy sweetheart show is really starting to go past its prime like rancid oat milk—anywayzies, haven’t you heard lately that bad boys and grunge gangs are making a surprising comeback these days?”

“Jett...” James sighed.

The actor pouted at his boyfriend’s hushed scolding, but slowly shook his head in begrudged understanding anyway. “Okay, maybe not then. But just remember that you’re mine, okay?”

“Awww,” James cooed, biting back a smug smirk, “I love it when you get all adowable and possessive with me.”

“Shut that little mutt mouth—and you’re still mine!”

“All yours forever, babe.” Jett felt James’ lips grazing his goosebumps-stippled nape, pleasantly warm and smiling with the quiet promise of forever, and Jett had no choice but to believe him. Curse his sneaky elephant-hearted charmer for being so good at making him fall in love again and again and still make it feel brand new. Being with James really was once in a lifetime, and Jett was deeply doomed and in it for life—on their lives together.

“Okay...the paparazzi’s totally not gonna...” Jett absently muttered, and gasped in horror once the realisation hit him like a charged clown slap to the face. “Were there any of them today?! Did you hear clicking cameras anywhere or see any E!News vans around?! Did they see any of this go down?!”

“Jett, chillax, I don’t think—”

“No, you don’t, but freaking listen to me—you may be fine with having a rowdy rockstar rep on blast, but I absolutely cannot have anyone seeing me, the amazing Jett Stetson, slap anyone outside of my show-stopping award-winning teen dramas—or—or even dumpster camping!” The shaken actor yanked his shirt collar to cover his face up to his nose and distrustfully looked around the dismal area, using his brawny human buffer to shield him from any potential showbiz vultures lurking around the corner.

“Hey hey, don’t worry—I’m sure we can take it on together,” James assured. “I’ve been through some way worse scandals before...like that song swifting thing with Kendall and Lucy, and Carlos and Logan accidentally terrorising street grandmas, and even Cher Lloyd getting real mad and going after my pretty face!” He threw in a mortified signature hand-face move for extra emphasis. “So we can handle it easily. And if things get out of hand, then...me and the boys will take care of it.”

Jett arched a suspicious brow at him. “Does your ‘grand plan’ for it involve low-level mischief crimes, weird crank calls and ridiculous costumes, and tacky tree hats?”

“Whaaaat??? Noooo, not at all, like we’re—we’re just gonna, y’know, haha...” a sheepish James coughed as he hastily knocked off the leafy headdress that had inexplicably popped up on him. “Like I said, don’t even worry about it, babe!”

“Suuure...”

“And seriously, I’m really super sorry I kinda caused all that trouble just because I didn’t pay more attention to you today. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but I was kinda busy fighting off everyone else who wanted the same thing with a limp baguette.”

“I’m really super sorry you didn’t pay more attention to me too, ‘cause I’m not the one who’s missing out here!”

“Clearly not.” James chuckled. “Anyway...you wanna get outta dodge now or what? This is sweet and all, but the paps still have a good chance of catching us in a bad spot and we’re not exactly in the best setting for this rom-com movie moment to sell to Hallmark...unless we’re secretly filming a segment for HGTV’s Double Dumpster Divers Week and you’re totally punking me hard with the dumpster camping right now. Which if you are, then it’s working, ‘cause well. This place seriously stinks.”

“I think that’s the nasty feral pheromones of all those milquetoast flirters and desperate chancers clinging on you, actually,” Jett snarkliy pointed out. “But we probably should go now, yeah.”

“After you, my darling.”

With a graceful flourish, James stood up and outstretched a hand to help Jett out. Jett accepted it and shrieked in surprise as James suddenly whirled him around, holding him snugly by the waist and dipping him low before bringing him back up in a tight embrace, laughing delightedly at his flustered state. Applemint-cool breaths tickling Jett’s mouth, James cupped his face and leaned in for a happily-ever-after kiss, but Jett interrupted it with a generous pinch of James’ cheek, making his boyfriend cry out in indignant protest as he profusely rubbed at his throbbing face, now red as cherry tomatoes (but minus the smacking application of said fruit this time around).

“Don’t think I’ve fully forgiven you, Diamond boy—you’re not gonna get away with your crimes that easy!”

“What can I do to make it up to you? I’ll do anything, I swear.”

“Well, I think I have a few good ideas.” Jett grinned toothily, ocean eyes crashing with the familiar tidal wave of mischievousness James had come to both dread and look forward to. With the amazing Jett Stetson, it was always going to be a surprise, but he knew James wouldn’t have the light and luuurve of his life any other way. “But first, we should probably get that rotten smell off you with a nice long bubbly bubble bath, then I’ll whip up a super special, three-course, hopefully sewer disease-free dinner for deux, and then you could show me how just much you’re mine, babe.”

With their scores and plans finally settled up, Jett softly kissed James and gave his flushed cheeks one last fond pinch before intertwining their hands to drag him all the way back to the Palm Woods, their haul of battered grocery bags threatening to fall apart again, their coupled cicely smiles gleaming bright and sweet in the throes of a languid weekend afternoon. So maybe the grocery trip didn’t exactly go as Jett had planned, but it didn’t really matter anyway.

Going home was with James Diamond was always the best part of everything.

❝ so when i go, f♡♡k those stupid girls that don’t mind their business hope you know you’re the only one ‘cause i’d sleep on your sidewalk ; ❞

#i don't really know why i'm posting this messy garbage here but aye it's a Thing that exists now ig. throws it out to humiliate myself #this is just really bad y'all. i worked on it on and off during the course of a sickness haze and none of it makes any sense like. at all #i said i was gonna stop writing jamett stuff bc i'm so bad at their characters and keep screwing them up but this was a prompt fill so oops #i would like to issue a formal apology to my poor bestie who had to read this. and anyone else who had to see my bad writing and worse art #take it from me ceo of writing rancid fics feeling constantly bad about it and wanting to delete everything in five seconds flat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#oh well. at least i had some kinda fun with it like i always do with my stupid himbo bfs shenanigans. if nothing else :'>#btr #big time rush #james diamond #jett stetson #jamett #fanfiction #fanfic #one shot #fluff #hurt/comfort #jealousy #insecurity #slice of life #grocery shopping #domestic boyfriends #idiots in love #schmoop #not in my mirror #james diamond x jett stetson #the line that starts the whole story #turn that thing big time!#nickelodeon #writeblr #stop it forever

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the-record · 3 months

Text

☀️ i see the light ☀️

summary: ellie is just trying to hide from the guards when she stumbles apon a tower and a girl with really long hair.

pairing: flynn ryder!ellie williams x rapunzel!reader

warnings: non me things

a/n: i want to thank the oh so lovely @meowmeowtimw for sending me their gorgeous art, and also everyone who anticipated this fic. thank you so much for the love. also, first time doing a taglist, but let me know if you’d like to be added!

this is going to be done in parts bc my tumblr glitches and i dont want to lose any writing and delay this anymore! i have changed it up a bit from the movie to attempt to fit ellie as a character and not feel like im writing out the script but all the iconic moments will be included

you’re not quite sure how she ended up here. knocked out and stuffed in your wardrobe.

earlier, it had just been you and pascal. your mother out fetching ingredients for dinner, your birthday dinner.

she’d shut down your hopes and dreams of seeing the lights you saw every year for your birthday. she called them stars, made you feel fragile and weak. left with a half hearted goodbye.

thats when the girl showed up.

short auburn hair, climbing the tower with arrows. before you knew it, she was passed out on the floor, a frying pan in your hands.

in her bag though, that was the interesting piece. something gold and shiny, crystals decorating the circle. too big to be a bracelet, too beautiful to be a magnifying glass.

you and pascal jumped as your mother called up the tower, a surprise apparently. when you tried bringing up the lights once more, she’d simply laughed, brushing it off. you tried again, but gave up when she yelled, asking for paints.

she left, leaving you alone again. until you weren’t.

a girl, in your window.

now in your chair, tied up with pascal on her shoulder. he licked her ear, once, twice, three times before she jolted awake with a yell.

“what the hell?”

you took a deep breath, still hiding in a shadow.

“struggling… struggling is pointless.”

she looked around, taking in what was holding her down. was it, hair?

“i know why you’re here, and im not afraid of you.” slowly, you stepped into her view. “who are you, and how did you find me?”

“am i wrapped in hair?” the girl gawked at you, struggling under the wraps. “who am i? who are you? this is insane. this is kidnapping, just so you know.”

your face dropped. “you broke in first.”

“and you knocked me out and tied me up! with hair! who even has this much hair?” she groaned as she struggled.

“so you dont know who i am?” you whispered as you stepped closer.

she looked at you incredulously, “are you joking? of course not. can you let me out now?” you nodded as you stopped in front of her.

only now did you really notice her. short auburn hair, tied up at the back. green eyes that matched yours. freckles lining her nose and cheeks. lips slightly cracked and parted.

“ill let you out, if you promise me one thing.” she rolled her eyes but nodded. “every year, on my birthday, there are these lights. my mother told me they were stars, but ive tracked the stars for years.” you turned away and pulled back the curtain to your most recent painting. “they’re floating lights, and you are going to take me to them.” she hesitated but you quickly jumped in. “and if you don’t, say goodbye to your satchel.”

she sighed and relaxed into the chair. “alright, fine.” she smiled as your eyes lit up and you ran to her. “ill take you. but, we’re going my way.” you nodded excitedly as you untangled her from your hair. “and, im ellie by the way.”

“rapunzel.”

she shook out her limbs before standing. “rapunzel? pretty.”

“so you’ve really never been outside the tower before?”

ellie walked slightly ahead with her hands in her pockets, a small smile on her face. she said she knew a place to stop on your way to the kingdom.

you nodded as you took in everything. “she said it was too dangerous for me out here. that id get eaten alive.”

ellie frowned a bit as you spoke. you were definitely a bit ditzy, but smart. you weren’t naive but you noticed the good in everything you’d seen.

“so,” you pulled up beside ellie, nearly bumping her. “how did you find me?”

“i didn’t actually intend to.” she said, looking at you. “i was running, from… some very bad people, and i stumbled apon a pass in the woods. totally by accident. and when i went through it, there it was. the tower.” she watched as you nodded. “i figured id just, go up. i wasnt really thinking someone might be there.”

“obviously.” you teased.

she rolled her eyes, “alright whatever. i just needed somewhere to wait everyone out. and then you came out of nowhere and tried to maim me.”

you gasped, hitting her arm as she laughed. “i thought you were gonna hurt me! what was i supposed to do?”

“okay, fair enough.” you walked in silence for awhile, side by side, hands grazing.

ellie couldn’t help but feel a pull to you. you were kind, and funny. she hadn’t known you very long, but she knew she wanted to know more. and she couldn’t deny your beauty.

she was knocked out of her thoughts as you pointed to a sign in the distance.

snuggly duckling.

taglist: @urcherrr @onlinelesbo @diddiqueen @pedropascalsbbg @dinaismyfavmilf @madislayyy @ellieswilliamsgf @williamellieslilho @iove-bbb @swxxtbnny

#☀️ i see the light ☀️#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fic #ellie willams the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams angst #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader

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u3pxx · 6 months

Text

ACHTUNG, BABY! 🎸💜✨

did you know that leftovers are open til november 28 for gavinners zine and that you can get it HERE?!

the gavinners are like that little piece of insignificant ace attorney canon that i started thinking about and now i CAN NOT stop thinking about! there's just something really silly imagining klavier gavin and his band members having verified twitter accounts okay pftt

so of course, what a goddamn joy to get to draw for this zine bc man!!! i love thinking abt the gavinners and i've grown very fond of the members i made up for it <33

again, here's the link! go get it before it's gone!!!

extra stuff under the cut! :^P | like this art? it'll be a print in my shop once the leftovers are over! | like what i do? support me on ko-fi!

my art style's evolved since i drew this but i think this is the one that really got me going with coloring things very iridescently! i also just love outfit design so OFC i thought about doing like a magazine cover for them! shows all of the gavs AND i can design clothes that are off the shits, a win-win <33

and if you have no idea who my gavinners ocs are, well here they are! i finished these character sheets once art fight happened. i'll probably post these separately too but rn, they're here for added context ;^P

i also really enjoyed drawing the icons! and maybe got too carried away drawing like, nine of those wheezes. i had a lot of ideas ok!!!

#ace attorney #klavier gavin #daryan crescend #the gavinners #gavinners #klavdar #klapollo if you squint pfttt #ace attorney oc #viva chi #preston keiss #deidre minuendo #den's ocs tag #den's gavinners tag #sunnysidedraws #sunnysidezines #described #id in alt text #sunnysideattorney

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

sagau with the language barrier issue except... the creator is sick and tired of trying to ask for things so they do everything themself.

and it gives their followers mass anxiety bc they can't even ask what you're doing... bc they know they won't understand anything...

SUCH A GENIUS NARVI 10/10 GOOD WORK SORRY IM SUPER LATE BUT THIS IS *chefs kiss*

Like, that's literally how I feel like I first played Genshin LMAO

Also this has a cont. Part 2 at the bottom bc tumblr fucking hates me UPDATE I FIXED IT THANK FUCK

Paimon was like "and then we go to Mondstadt- ! NO, not Wolvendom, to Mondstadt! NOT THE THOUSAND WIND TEMPLE WITH ENEMIES OUT OF UR LEAGUE, ENTER MONDSTADT FOR THE FIRST TIME BEFORE U EXPLORE THE REST OF THE MAP!! >:("

SO MANY IDEAS YET SO LITTLE WRITING SKILL GUYS HELP-

Also warning this is ROUGH in terms of spelling and editing and im so sorry abt that! I have my art show today so you're welcome to come back if you want to see it a little more readable tomorrow lmao

Edit Update 4/6/23:

Revised and fixed all the bad spelling and grammar (hopefully) so make sure to give another read if you havent read the cleaned up version lol

I dont have a beta reader so its just me trying my best ok-

Everything was like kinda chaos tbh at first

WOW- MY FIRST 1,000+ NOTES POST??!?! U GUYS, WHAT ARE R YOU DOIN??!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! IM GLAD U GUYS ENJOYED IT SM!! Also look out for more encoded stuff in the future since i mentioned wanting to continue stuff like this + ARG stuff :) <3

Edit 9/7/23: 2,000+ NOTES?? THANK YOU???

Like u wake up under the Irminsul, and u think ur hallucinating a goddamn gacha game for like a solid 5 minutes, or ur lucid dreaming,

but once u actually took what felt like hours to process that u might actually be in fucking Genshin Impact-

Nahida came running from, somewhere?? Its kinda just very floaty dreamy in here so, unclear, she’s beaming with a giddy little smile (💘)

It’s… so much more than what her game model could manage.

I mean, you knew that, of course you did, but- to see the tiny goddess smiling in person, her cute chubby arms waving in the air, her cheeks all plump with baby fat from her excited smile, pretty green eyes that sparkle only in the way excited toddlers do-

It was just…wow. 🥺

You can’t help it, her sheer carefree excitement, exactly like a child but you know that she must be really overwhelmed with joy if shes letting herself act like that so blatantly, you feel ur muscles tug gently into a smile, you try to muffle it but ur happiness leaks out anyway

She's panting as she stumbles on short chubby legs to reach you.

After just staring at you with those big green clover eyes for a few seconds, she physically shakes her head to knock herself out of it,

Nahida places her hand over her heart, and bows elegantly, going back to looking at you with a small but bright smile, her voice is kind of quiet, muffled in a soft way, much like her game depiction,

“Hzozn! R'ev yvvm dzrgrmt gl nvvg blf! R wrwm'g gsrmp blf dlfow wvhxvmw fmgro R dzh zg ovzhg z uvd gslfhzmw bvzih low!” *

…Nahida begins to look a little concerned… her eyes get impossibly bigger.

…Oh no.

♧

Nahida had apparently quickly spread the news that you can’t understand them, but luckily it seems like all the characters still know you!

Alhaitham is pretty much a constant by your side, you knew he was vaguely studying linguistics in the akademiya… but that knowledge still didn’t prepare you to be intensely stared at with his diamond pupils for hours. 💀

Then he’d tap your shoulder or something, and you quickly picked up that he wanted you to just try and say something.

Then he would scribble for hours.

Turns out they can understand you about as much as you understand Teyvat language (s? You can’t even tell if there are multiple languages, that’s how unrecognizable this language is, damn)

The more extroverted or friendly people, like Venti, Yoimiya, Kazuha, Jean, Noelle, Amber, Xingqiu, Hu Tao, Zhongli, Ganyu, Barbara, Beidou, Collei, Ayaka, Gorou, Nilou

At least attempt to talk to you, and try very hard to watch what you gesture with your hands or body language

They're pretty much ready to play charades at all times for you lol

Interestingly enough, they only ever understood you when you typed in the chat (with other ppl)

But even then not immediately,

Sumeru scholars basically had to make a whole new department (regardless of how much you play with others) to decipher your ancient language (to them) like those old clay tablets with cuneiform we’re still translating?

Like that, your words appear in elemental magic heavy places (so like that abyss lang. It’ll appear on walls or structures, so like Andrius’ stone colosseum? in Wolvendom gained some of your chat replies inscribed and glowing a rainbow of colors on the top edges of the walls)

Much like the abyss language you see throughout genshin, most Teyvat scholars (across nations/internationally) agreed your language is the oldest form of language known!

It’s like modern languages having roots in older ones, like English with Latin, greek, or German roots, or Sanskrit and the Prakrit for Hindi language today

…so of course no one really speaks the root languages anymore, because they’re so old, so those ancestors who spoke those languages would have little to no understanding of their modern counterparts…

◇

Occasionally if you turned your mic on for whatever reason there would be a gentle whisper on the winds in Mondstadt of your voice,

or your laugh in the waves washing ashore in Inazuma and Fontaine,

your startled noises or screams from battling bosses mixed with the landslides in the mountains of Liyue

So they know what you sound like, but that doesn’t mean they understood your language :/

Nahida had been hoping that you’re actual physical form being here would help improve the language barrier

But unfortunately, those things remained the same, but at least you were physically here to talk to now and give more content for the scholars to study rather than them having to make do with your snippets of language from chats

…so needless to say, it took you a long time to realize they viewed you as a god of sorts.

You kind of knew something was up when at least two allogenes were by your sides at all times, or eremites would replace them if they really couldn’t stick around

You figured they knew you weren’t nearly as combatant-ready as they were at all times, hell you obviously didn’t have a vision hanging off you somewhere, and you only really had a knife strapped to a belt, courtesy of the Thirty Corps

You are still kind of convinced that the people of Teyvat, or Sumeru at least, are just pretty polite (and in the allogenes case, very kind or friendly, even people like Alhaitham or Cyno, resting bitch faces they have, seem to soften a little when they’re walking around with you… maybe you’re just imagining it…)

And as much as you would love to wait until they understand you to do something more fun, as you can see the frustration on Tighnari’s face (and his ears try to flatten back hehe) as he looked like he was debating heatedly with some of the Sumeru sages who insist you stay in the city

…so why not go?

It’s not like they’re going to get it anytime soon, and it’s still too frustrating for yourself to charade things or draw things for them because you can’t even hear their guesses 💀

You can totally handle being like the traveler too,

You still have access to your inventory afterall! Plus, lucky for you, you still find a pass for the Serenitea Pot in your little pocket dimension!

So now you have somewhere to sleep at night, and while most of your stuff went to the traveler’s pack, the things like Primogems

(which.. Okay now you really want primogems bc theyre so pretty and shiny irl)✨️

And other high-level things, or just objects of no use for the traveler (so basically all your hoarded level up stuff and infinite amount of weapons lol) came along with you

So you did have to wander the first week or so around the city and even commission the Adventurer’s Guild to grab you food supplies to cook with

Filling up, along with a few big waterskins, you’re off!

...and everyone collectively has a heart attack!

◇

When you show up in Ghandaraville essentially all “✨️💖☺️✨️” on Tighnari’s doorstep-

He chokes on the tea he’d been sipping on before he opened the door lol

He looks a little frazzled so you try to just gesture with “calm yourself small animal” energy with your hands

“Tivzgvhg Oliw! R'n- R- sld wrw blf-?! Mvevinrmw, xlnv rm, xlnv rm, ivhg! ...R mvvw gl hvmw z nroorlm ovggvih mld gl ylgs gsv vmgriv xrgb lu Hfnvif, gsv Zxgrmt Tizmw Hztv, zmw gsv Nzgiz nlhg orpvob…” he began out looking at you and talking and gesturing to his small dining table (the game sucks, his house looks great and has lots of cool rooms filled with interesting plants… oooo…so pretty...)

But then he kinda just devolved into rambling, no need to understand, you can read the vibes and just know that's what he's doing lol

Collei eventually ducks in, and she looks a little panicked?

She’s quickly followed by Cyno, pushing past her to call out into the house,

His voice seems hard and stressed, looking at Tighnari, “Grtsmzir, szev blf hvvm gsv Tivzgvhg Oliw zmbdsviv, gsvb dviv hvvm xlnrmt gl Tszmwziezeroov ozhg-”

Cyno stops and blinks.

Collei’s mouth is slightly dropped open, she also just, blinks.

You blink.

Tighnari blinks tiredly, he looks like he’d rather be done for the day, you think.

The doctor sighs, and moves his head to nod towards the other dining seats.

◇

Sumeru foods are so much better looking in real life, and they’re so good too, your practically bloated by the end of dinner,

As a thank you, bc u cant say it obv, you just gesture for Tighnari to stay sitting, and he gives you a raised eyebrow and a suspicious ear twitch

But stays still, and you reach out to finally hit the eight-pointed star hovering over his, and all playable characters chests at all times.

Like you suspected, it brings up a holographic character menu, but rather than his full model, it kind of hovers in front of Tighnari’s face, replacing his old 3D model self with framing the real thing for a portrait just in front of his face

The poor Denro user nearly jumps a foot out of his chair as he looks in shock at your screen, you do the same “chillll boy” gesture with your hands and press his shoulders for a second to remind him to not run off or panic

Cyno and Collei had done the dishes and put up leftovers, and are now standing behind Tighnari, watching with equally wide eyes,

“...Dszg ziv gsvb wlrmt gl blf?

Cyno’s voice is even deeper and quieter than usual, you feel goosebumps run up your spine

“Ziv blf tvggrmt yovhhvw, Nzhgvi Grtsmzir?!” Collei’s sweet voice is also hushed like she’s witnessing something sacred, Tighnari gently shakes his head negatively in response, his shoulders shrugging,

“Nzbyv? R uvvo... z orggov hgilmtvi, zmw nb Erhrlm rh zxgrmt fk zh dvoo…”

Though he’s replying, Tighnari’s eyes haven’t once left your ancient magic? technology device? hovering in front of him,

and as he crosses his arms and squints to try and look closer at everything floating in front of him, you can see the childlike gleam of awe in his green eyes, (so cute) in fact, now that you glance up and look, both Collei and Cyno have the same quietly excited and fascinated sparkle in their eyes too

With a displeased sneer, you chuck his old level one bow into the material grinding spots, hope he wasn’t attached to that…

Oh well, he’ll like the new one better, afterall, with no characters, all your best weapons and artifacts are ready to use!

With a small smile of reassurance, you finally finish gearing Tighnari up, tap a miniature version of that 8-point star in the corner like an “X” button, and it retreats like a classic TV set📺 turning off into his chest, he startles but then carefully stands

You decide to just start making decisions bc its worked out so far ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And grab his hand and haul him out into the forest, Collei letting out a surprised squeak, her and Cyno hurrying after

You reach the nearest clearing, and gesture at Tighnari like a bow and arrow firing, he gets it, and your glad he already trusts you, because he doesn’t take long to summon his bow

He takes aim at a smaller tree about two cars length away

You can feel them all holding their breathe, as Tighnari charges it with Dendro, the arrowhead glowing, (it looks so cool and badass irl god you feel envious even tho ur already here-)

The ranger lets it fly, it streaks neon green, whistling through the air, it hits the tree-

and it fucking explodes.

Vines and leaves and the trees roots all rapidly swell like theyre filled with water, like it literally got hit by a superhero with plant powers, which, not that far off actually.

The green floating Dendro seeds make a ring around the tree its so full of elemental energy-

You give a wild grin, you still got it, hell yeah. >:)

Your grin widens as you look over at Tighnari, Collei, and Cyno

Cyno has a smirk lighting up his face, eyes eager, Collei’s jaw has dropped and she’s just frozen staring as the tree finally settles from the burst of the dendro powered arrow

…Tighnari has lowered his bow, and his mouth is only slightly open, his ears perked straight up into the air, shaking with excitement? Happiness? Interest? You don’t know how peopl-animal-hybrid ears work,

and you STILL cant talk to any of them to ask what they thought, so looks will have to do >:/

Tighnari is the first to move, his head snapping over to look at you, the brightest, kinda feral tbh, smile taking over his face-

“Blf pmld, dv xzm'g fmwvihgzmw blf, zmw blf fh, bvg R xzm'g dzrg gl hvv dszg rm gsv dliow blf'iv tlrmt gl wl mvcg. Blf'iv znzarmt."

… and you just 🙂? Cool!

And give a thumbs up👍LMAO

☆

Bonus:

Alhaitham was literally running around Sumeru City trying to find you when you left, tho you did try and leave a translatable-in-3-to-5-business days-note, he didn’t have time to translate that because you were gone.

Or worse, lost in the city, and he would never forgive himself if he lost you, esp as Acting Grand Sage-

Kaveh got a letter a day and a half later from Tighnari letting them know you were having a sleepover in Ghandarvaville lol

Kaveh also had to hunt down Alhaitham to give him said news, then force his roommate to go sit or lay down for the rest of the day to recover lmao

(Haitham honestly kinda freaked Kaveh out bc he’s never seen him that... desperate, it was like seeing a statue emote lol)

♡

ARE YOU KIDDING WE ALMOST HIT LIMIT AGAIN?!

Bro has anyone else had this problem???

I literally had to switch from PC to mobile and copy and paste it there to get all my shit in and tumblr not throw a hissy fit???!!!

FUCKING TUMBLR- SUCK MY BIG FAT- 👹👹 UGH

ANYWAYYYY SO I FINALLY CAVED

And started doing ciphers for when you dont get teyvat’s language! I meant to do something fun like this for awhile but I wasn’t sure if that would be kind of annoying, but if you’re interested in learning what they actually say (which the whole point of this is that dw it doesnt rlly matter lol) here’s a hint:

*hint = Atbash

:> good luck!

Wish me luck on my art exhibition today!! Then I’ll be homefreeeee 😭

Safe Travels,

💀♒

♡ the beloveds ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

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sh1-n0bu · 1 year

Note

This anon know what is good, i guess i never make a ask so i'm doing now. Can u do that concept with any character (and mc of course) , may a hybrid? Idk, sorry if is confuse, a lil nsfw maybe?

-🍑

✿ 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙩𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙘𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 ✿

characters: cat!6reeze x nb!reader

warnings: fluff!!!! fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff! also modern au!

notes: wanted to take a break from writing smut and take inspiration from my own fluffy bby for this one. also @junerixi , simping for only one☝️anemo boy is an illness. i hope you recover soon😚 honkai:star rail ver can be read here!

art by Mechodes on twt

oh gods

a menace

a complete menace i say

you know that thing cats do? when they just keep a direct eye contact with you as their little fluffy paw slowly pushes your potted plant or a cup full of drink to the edge of the table while you watch hopelessly bc your hands are dirty or busy doing smt?

yeah, it’s the 5th time the flower shop owner is seeing you this week and your wallet is crying

it’s almost as if you two were sworn enemies in your past life and scaranya is out for blood

doesn’t have that much of a zoomie episodes but when he does oh boy

you better retreat into a safe place but even then you’re not safe from scaranya’s terrifying zoomie powers

he’s literally running and jumping around everywhere

the table, on top of the fridge, the curtains, on top of the washing machine, your little bookshelf - everywhere

scaranya is such a little shit (affectionately)

his preferred way of waking you up is faking puking noises and when you throw your covers off and literally zoom into the living room, he gives you a look as if saying “finally awake, you silly human slave”

sometimes he even jumps on top of your chest harshly but that’s only used if you’re oversleeping with your alarm clock snoozed for the past 20 minutes and you’re running late to work

despises baths with a burning passion

if you’re taking him anywhere a large body of water is, he’s trashing around, kicking, hissing, biting, scratching - the whole pack

after a successful bathing time, with added new scratch marks on yourself, he would not approach you until you fall asleep

after you have fell asleep, he would quietly approach your sleeping figure and give small, shy licks to the angry red scratches he caused as if apologizing for being so aggressive

hates rainy days too, especially the ones with thunder and lightning

jumps up 5 ft into the air if a thunder strikes and runs into your lap, shaking small body curling into himself with all of his cockiness and pride out the window

scaranya appreciates you greatly but he’s just a bit too bad at communicating and so he shows his affection by lapping up the scratches he gave you

“scaranya, aren’t you gonna go out to the back garden and play with the rest? it’s nice outside today”

hmph! what do you mean by play with the rest of the cats? he’s a royal! he’s superior! scaranya has never heard of such bullshit befor- oh! a bird! must. catch!

scaranya and miao gets into fights sometimes and whenever you separate them, scaranya goes to sulk in the corner of the house silently

until you go over to him with a sigh and pick him up gently, he doesn’t even resist - just choosing to simply curl his tail around your wrist

a solid 9/10 kitty if he would just stop being a tsundere

art by Mechodes on twt

miao acts more like a guard dog than a cat sometimes

the smallest out of all the kitties yet also the strongest one. honestly the sheer amount of times miao has taken down a wild dog 10 times his size just keeps giving you more and more heart attack

doesn’t get zoomies, if anything he stops the other kitties’ zoomies if they go a bit too far - which most of the times escalate into scaranya and miao fighting

cleanse the land house through slaughter bug hunting

a sweet baby

miao’s preferred way of waking you up is to silently sit on your side of the bed and stare until you get that feeling of being watched and wake up to 2 piercing yellow eyes just staring holes into your soul

yes, you have yelled and fell off of your bed many times due to that

you found little miao at a dark alleyway, covered in blood and barely on the brink of death with his tiny paws twitching constantly

grew up malnourished on the streets with his 4 siblings dying out one by one, so due to that miao’s body is very small and he’s extremely territorial with you - his one and only sweet human

always leaves his scent on you by rubbing his head around your ankles

miao is indifferent when it comes to taking a bath, unlike scaranya, and he can be very obedient as well

when rubbing soap into his legs and washing his paws he would stretch out his limbs to make it easier for you to wash him - anything to lessen the load of his favorite human

he also seems to like your co-worker, zhongli a lot

one time you came home with zhongli due to a deadline of a great project coming closer and upon seeing him, miao immediately jumped into his lap, purring lowly, rubbing his head on zhongli’s hand

yes your heart broke at the betrayal and yes miao apologized with a dead rat in his mouth

but if it’s any other guests you’re bringing home, then miao would either get on top of the fridge and simply watch or hiss at the guest

oddly likes being in high places

one time, you made him a small necklace-collar thingy out of a few pearls and he wears that with pride, chest puffed out (a replica of his necklace)

loves sleeping on the lower parts of your bed at night. it’s soft, fluffy and he can keep an eye on you and keep you safe so it’s a win-win in miao’s book

“miao-miao, do you wanna come with me to the back garden to pick up the tomatoes?”

before you can even finish your question he’s already at the back door, staring at you expectantly with his tail thumping slowly against the floorboards

thanks to miao and kazunya your house will never get any bugs, roaches or mouses inside

if feeling incredibly vulnerable and soft, miao paws at your arm to ask for pets bc he just needs the comfort of his favorite human

literally a 9/10 kitty if he would just change his way of waking you up

art by ayon🌿 on twt

heinya is another little shit (affectionately)

he likes to cause trouble and drama here and there

also really enjoys spilling tea to you

it doesn’t matter if you’re waking up and is still groggy or just coming in through the front door, back from work - heinya is spilling all the drama of the shows he watched on the tv while you were away or the different birds he saw through the window - meowing away at you excitedly

another helpful hand

if you’re coming back from grocery shopping then heinya can take some of the smallest and lightest bagged things and dragging them to the kitchen alongside miao, kazunya and nyaether

heinya’s preferred way of waking you up is to make biscuits - you know that cute thing cats do with their paws squishing at their favorite spot over and over - on your stomach or lower back or! he just meows besides your ear over and over until you eventually wake up

the perfect alarm - heinya

he’s such a sweet baby

and heinya really likes watching real life crime documentaries for some reason

at first when you found this out, you couldn’t help but think heinya is going to murder you in your sleep but soon you realized he just loves crime related things

and bc he like crime related things, you bought heinya a cute spy glass shaped squeaky toy

when getting the zoomies, heinya decides to bite and kick at the spy glass shaped squeaky toy - making the toy let out squeaks at every little kick

heinya enjoys spending time outdoors, sniffing at the different scents wafting in the air, tracking down all different sorts of footsteps and paw marks with great interest - you sometimes wonder if heinya was a detective in his past life

loves to bring you all sorts of interesting things he found - an old ripped part of a newspaper article, a weirdly shaped leaf, a flower he has never seen before, a half bitten chicken still warm - wait where’d he get this?

loves to sleep using your hand as a pillow my cat does that to me so rip bc you have been captured by the amazing detective heinya and you won’t be moving for hours on end, let’s hope you had a nice snack and a toilet break beforehand

chose to wear the smooth, black satin you tied around his neck as a collar - either bc he loves to wear soft things or he just loves it bc you gave it to him

heinya is an incredibly affectionate kitty, always meowing for you for pets, cuddles and perhaps his favorite soft wet food? he’s been really good!

doesn’t really mind taking baths as well, if anything he uses this opportunity to shake bubbles everywhere!

for some reason, also loves to groom your hand. maybe it’s just something your kitties all share?

overall another solid 9/10 kitty, if you don’t mind being splashed with water and bubbles while bathing him

art by @bbadtime on tumblr

kazunya, me beloved

literally an angel, how could you ever be mad at him even as he took a whole bite out of your potted plants’ leaf?

another kitty that loves staying in high places like miao and stay outdoors like heinya

joins miao on his duty to cleanse the land house through slaughter bug hunting from time to time

a lazy, sweetheart of a cat that loves to sleep on warm places and the sunlight - you literally had to buy a window sling just for him to nap under the sunlight

another helpful hand!

will drag the lightest and smallest bagged things to the kitchen whenever you come back from grocery shopping - more so if it’s cat food

isn’t a picky eater but sometimes, just sometimes, prefers food with fish in it’s ingredients

kazunya is mostly tasked to wake you up by the other kitties bc he’s the sweetest

wakes you up by purring and snuggling with your face, neck, hands - anything just you in general

soon enough, the small fluff purring and cuddling you wakes you up and as a reward for waking up, kazunya gives you a small kiss - a lick to the tip of your nose - making you laugh

doesn’t meow a lot, only when he has to or if it’s an emergency such as the litter boxes not being cleaned, the food trays being empty etc

always gives you a kazunya kiss as a thank you

a gentle baby, even to the guests

whenever a guest comes over to your house, they always gush about the cute white cat with a small red streak in his fur

kazunya doesn’t get zoomies. even if he does it’s rare like only once a week

always grooms himself to keep himself clean, not to mention his white fur sparkling as well

surprisingly enjoys bath times, would even suggest you to bathe him by tugging on your sleeve then pointing to the bathroom with his fluffy paw!

however there’s just one thing that kazunya does that makes you shiver

it’s that he always, always! brings you dead animals or bugs. birds, rats, mouses, cockroaches, crickets - anything that he managed to hunt - he brings over to you with his tail swishing happily behind him

it’s considered a gift in cat language, you know that! but it’s just a bit dirty especially if he brings over different bugs. the rats, mouses and birds you can handle but the bugs brrr

one time, kazunya proudly brought you a dead wolf spider as you held back a tear and a screech, deciding to take his gift with a forced smile

you never recovered from that

a 10/10 kitty if he would just stop bringing you dead spide - kazunya is that a mf dead tarantula in your mouth?

art by os_Amaniwa on twt

another best kitty!

a sweet kitty that never complains!

helpful, never complains, never picky with his food - a literal angel

however sometimes nyaeather disappears randomly, coming back after a day or so

he always seems to be searching for something - his twin - you soon found out, by registering him and getting his pet password

and so you decided to help him reunite with his twin by putting up posters, articles, news on the internet, tv, radio - anything to make nyaether happy

after a whole half year of dedication and endless search, nyaether’s twin was finally found!

turns out the person who adopted nyaether’s twin was your co-worker, dainsleif, the quiet and mysterious tall man

after talking to him about the situation of the twin kitties, you both have come to an agreement to let the kitties have a play date once a week

when the day of the first play date has arrived an someone knocked on your door, your kitties gave you a confused look

upon taking nyaether in your arms, you walked over to the front door before unlocking it and letting dainsleif inside. as the blond man placed down the catbag and opened it, from inside stepped out a cute, similarly blonde furred kitty with a baby blue colored collar

upon seeing the kitty, nyaether jumped out of your arms and tackled his twin. cuddling her and licking at her face with a teary eyes - you and your co-worker dainsleif couldn’t help but laugh at the adorable situation

since then nyaether had made a silent oath to always be beside you and be your best kitty! you have done a lot for him by helping him reunite with his twin - nyumine - so he would do anything in his power to lessen your load!

nyaether’s preferred way of waking you up is by giving a gentle meow beside your ear and give your cheek three kisses - repeat the process on the other side until you eventually giggle and wake up

another kitty that doesn’t mind taking baths! however he just prefers the water to have a bit of bubbles to soothe his nerves

likes to sleep in your arms since he has separation anxiety like scaranya - due to the incident with his twin

“nyaether, keep the others in check okay? i’m going out on a quick grocery shopping!”

“myaaa!”

such a sweet baby🥹

his meows are higher pitched and not full “meow” like kazunya or miao’s instead it’s a short “myaa!”

a solid 11/10 kitty. highly recommend, get yourself a nyaether today!

art by os_Amaniwa on twt

a little shit AND a menace (affectionately)

very hyper too! sometimes you wonder if nyenti has ADHD but in cat version

it’s like he’s always in his zoomie mode as if to make up for having 2 kitties that barely has zoomies - which are miao and kazunya

his affectionate attitude doesn’t help as well

twirling, rubbing himself on your lap, hand, bageling his way around you - he’s always sticking close to you 24/7

one time as nyenti was rubbing himself on your hand while you were working on your computer for an important document, he tripped and fell on your keyboard - deleting your entire progress of work with a “myeeew!”

yes, you cried that night

unlike heinya, nyenti doesn’t really enjoy being outdoors - he just prefers to stay on your lap, lazily bathing in the sun - as he sometimes meows with heinya about some dramas

another kitty that loves to spill the tea to you

him and heinya meows your ears off with the things they have seen, watched, witnessed and heard - sometimes even adding some dirt on the other kitties such as kazunya eating leaves from your potted plants, scaranya sleeping on your hoodie bc he missed you, miao destroying the pantry during his duty to cleanse the land etc etc etc

nyenti’s preferred way of waking you up is to play with your hair. whether it be grooming at your hair, playing with them, tugging on the ends gently - it doesn’t matter which form - as long as nyenti wakes you up, that’s all

he also doesn’t do much hunting either, preferring to watch from the sidelines as the others chase some bugs and small animals they found

for some odd reason nyenti likes you to put flowers on top of his head or a flower shaped charms as a collar - his most favorite and preferred one being the white lily

cut the flower's bud and place it on top of nyenti upside down like it's a cone hat and nyenti would give you the biggest, affectionate "myew!" while rolling around on the ground, showing you his tummy

a sweet kitty if he would just stop being a little zoomie induced shit

nyenti is another kitty that hates taking baths

doesn't react as aggressive as scaranya but he likes to yell his defiance a lot and i mean a lot

overall, a solid 8.5/10 kitty if he would just stop meowing loudly in your ears everytime you take him for a bathtime, making you more and more deaf

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