#like people shit on bi people because they have 'passing privilege'. but we know that bi people face homophobia

[lord-radish]

imagine thinking that trans men are inherently bad or evil or predatory on the basis of gendered privilege and societal power structures. cringe

[jerzwriter]

You are so fucking disgusting Elsa. Using your bland ass straight white bitch MC to be the MC of the Month for Pride Month.

You’ve gone really low

Good morning, Nonny.

I'd like to say hope you're having a good day, but clearly, you're not.

I was 50/50 on putting this in my "delete because Nonny is a bitter troll who doesn't deserve the attention/exposure they desperately crave" file. But this anon goes beyond the usual "I'm a pathetic human who hates someone on the internet who has zero impact on my life so much because of (insert stupid/insane reason here), so I'm going to be a vile bully and send them anonymous hate because - IDK - I can't find a good therapist? I'm off my meds? I'm just a vile piece of shit?" See, I no longer waste my time or energy on those.

But I decided to answer this because a) you're wrong, and b) you're engaging in bi-erasure - something that happens in the fandom and in real life every day, and I'm not going to pass up a chance to educate your ignorance and address your bigotry.

Casey was picked at random - the same way all MCOTMs and WOTMs are. I grappled with the decision to highlight her bisexuality... because of people like you. In the end, I decided to be true to the character. I've been dealing with people like you my entire life - in my personal life - never mind fandom. So let's educate.

Bisexuality is real - people.

Your ignorance in understanding it doesn't make it any less real. I am proudly bi, but trust me, it feels like a pretty shitty thing to be at times. You're never queer enough for many in the queer community, but you're too queer for those who aren't. There is no real safe space outside of a precious few who get it. And I mean few.

Your straight friends talk shit about you "doing this" to be "cool/get attention" or whatever... and they're "relieved" when you're in a hetero-presenting relationship. Your queer friends are happiest when you're with a same-sex partner, and if you're not, they accuse you of lying about who you are or "hiding." It's awesome. You know, instead of just having friends that are fucking happy if you're happy. People CAN BE and ARE attracted to more than one gender and the feelings/love we have toward both are real, valid and do not have to be explained to anyone.

Anyone who follows my MC (and I don't believe Nonny has) knows that Casey has been presented as bisexual from the day I entered this fandom. If some choose to ignore that, that's on them, not me. The fact that she is half of a pairing that is hetero-presenting does not make her any less bisexual. How ignorant are you?

Her profile clearly states she's bi. I've written about her being an activist for LGBTQ rights and about her reluctance about coming out to her parents (because she doesn't believe she should have to "come out," why is straight the default?). I've introduced her ex-girlfriend, Jessica, in fics and text fics, and discussed Casey's identity at length in numerous asks over the years.

So, yes, her current partner is a man, and he ends up being the love of her life. GUESS WHAT! THAT HAPPENS TO BI PEOPLE! And, TRUST, we know the privilege that comes with being in a hetero-presenting relationship. I've never once had someone throw something at me or hurl slurs when I've held a male partner's hand in public, but I've had it happen when my partner is a woman. But no one bi is "suddenly straight" because of it! And asking us to parade as hetero just because we're with an opposite-sex partner is pushing us into a closet - and I'm sorry, but fuck you - because no one belongs there.

Last June, I deliberately avoided all pride-related events in the fandom (NOT in real life). I did so because I was coping with the guilt that is tantamount to being bisexual. The "Should I put it out there. I mean, there are others who are more queer, right? I have no right to do this? Their characters are more important than mine, right?" And yeah, I've felt that way in real life, too. THIS is what it's like being bi. I'm out for decades, I'm comfortable and proud of who I am, I counsel younger people in the community that they are valid - and I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes right now because with all of that, THIS SHIT STILL CREEPS IN - largely because of s-bags like this Nonny.

So you know what, I'm not grappling with it anymore. It's pride month, and in real life, I'm celebrating to the fucking max. And you know what - I'm doing it in the fandom too. Casey is going to be as out and fucking proud as I want her to be, and if it makes your ass uncomfortable, well, that's not my fucking problem.

Re-read your ask, Nonny. The only disgusting person in this exchange is you. Do fucking better.

[bisolationist]

piqued-curiosity/718080230266470400

I'm so sorry. This is so funny. I agree with the post itself but it's hilarious that she can't see she's doing literally the EXACT same thing about bisexuals. When lesbians call us dick worshipers, compare bi women to TIMs, or talk shit about our rape statistics to make us sound like liars and harpies, her response is the exact thing she's criticizing! She mentions it in passing, in some completely non-confrontational "well I don't 100% agree with everything but let's agree to disagree" way and rushes to praise the author for being soooo insightful and to say we all need to listen to her lol. When people get mad she's sidelining the rape apologia, she triples down on that bisexuals are zeroing in on the wrong thing and anyway she didn't fully agree with it or anything and something something Andrea Dworkin! Why can't anyone get it through their skulls that it's ALSO demeaning and triggering to lecture people they shouldn't "zero in" on people belittling their rape and instead they should use "criticial thinking" to care about "(what is implied to be) more important conversation" about lesbophobia. Clearly she gets it if she sees why a useless disclaimer that then gives all the textual sympathy to the perp is bad!

Not to mention how she reacted to the blackpills harassing bi rape victims, saying they're just angry at bisexual homophobia and they need compassion and anyway what does it harm. Is that not the same shit she's criticizing here?

💀💀💀

omg you're right anon.

The easiest explanation I can see is that these people DO think that biphobia of any severity SHOULD be dismissed for more important things (literally anything is more important), and they DO think in some way that bi rape victims deserve to be demeaned and degraded as punishment for other bi people being homophobic (or at least they have no right to complain if they are).

If it's not that... then, what? I guess maybe they're just so secure in their assumption that bisexuals are always in the wrong and whining about nothing that they become incapable of seeing how spreading rape apologia with only passing criticisms about general misogyny (and absolutely not addressing the homophobia of it; more on this later) and then immediately dismissing it to focus on "the real problem" is actually kind of insane? Like just a complete lack of empathy there? I guess this just loops around to being the first thing to me.

But yeah, it just seems IMPOSSIBLE to get anyone to just stand up to say "no you're just being homophobic and/or misogynistic" and accept that as enough of an answer when someone starts belittling the homophobic abuse of bi people. There's always a million conditionals that get spit out - "oh they're angry because they've been hurt by homophobic bisexuals" - "oh these people are wrong but they need compassion uwu" - "oh well bisexuals are sooo privileged this doesn't affect them who cares". And ultimately the conversation shifts about how much of this shit bisexuals deserve it and to what degree lol. And yeah you know, it never gets called homophobic, despite the fact there's really not many things more severely homophobic than belittling, silencing, and ridiculing SSA ppl attempting to speak out about homophobic abuse they've suffered. Just a fun quirky thing to do if it's some bihet ig?

I guess part of the problem is that so many people are so much worse and so much more outwardly hateful and wretched, that these cowards dropping "Well I don't agree with aaaall of it but gross language aside she's RIGHT and you bihets need to to get over yourselves and listen to her <3" bullshit honestly think they're nuanced heroes giving neutral and enlightened views - and they get mad if we see through it! They actually get mad if we don't want to be sold rape apologia in a polite package, just because their friends are worse and outwardly wishing hate crimes on us!

There's no point in calling out the hypocrisy though because as we already saw they just spin it to say bisexuals are weaponizing our rape or whatever and we should stop trying to censor their andrea dworkin or whateverrrr.

[watermelinoe]

While we are having bisexual class consciousness, here’s a rant:

What the fuck is this shit of pretending bisexuals are completely accepted by society and fully oppress gay people along with straight people and biphobia doesn’t exist etc etc because you can be “straight passing”. Meanwhile every single gay person is a poor little meow meow whose life is the polar opposite of a bi person and is personally victimised by our slutty antics.

Cause obviously a bi woman in a lesbian relationship is insanely privileged compared to her lesbian girlfriend, of course. It’s not like the material way they are viewed and treated by society is EXACTLY THE SAME. It’s not like a single gender conforming bi person and a single gender conforming gay person have exactly the same amount of “straight-passing privilege”. It’s not like bi women are victimised by their male AND female partners BECAUSE they are bisexual, and have the highest rate of intimate partner violence as a result.

And I’m not ignoring the fact that bi women can be in a straight relationship and live a life being treated as functionally heterosexual! I’m aware of that! And I have to mention this cause if I don’t put millions of disclaimers on a rant like this the horde will come for me. But the thing is, some bi women can’t have that! It’s not always a choice. I’m bi, technically. I could never be with a man though. I heavily prefer women. Not to mention the fact you can’t actually usually control who you fall in love with, life isn’t a dating app with structured swiping and messaging.

Like literally nobody is saying that bi women have it worse from society than lesbians or whatever, but any time you bring up legitimate problems that bi people have somebody has to shoehorn in that gay people have it worse and you’re a privileged oppressor and you should shut the fuck up. There’s literally no outlet for us to talk about our problems even amongst ourselves cause somebody who thinks they are the only true victim of society has to come along and tell us they have it so much worse.

hmm i partially agree, like i don't understand this "straight passing" argument when it's *only* applied to bisexuals. like you said there are also gay people who "pass" as straight just like any closeted bi person, but ultimately they still navigate the world as homosexuals and bi people navigate the world as bisexuals. and that's a disadvantage either way. but by that logic, i can't agree that we're viewed the exact same... you're describing a situation where a bi woman would be facing homophobia bc she's assumed to be a lesbian, and that's definitely where we have the most overlap in our experiences, but the internal effect isn't necessarily the same imo so we internalize things differently based on our sexualities

i'm the same way though, i'm a febfem bc i could never happily be with a man, i'm more or less penis-repulsed. being bi doesn't mean you're available to men. i know the majority of bi people end up with the other sex, but that isn't the case for everyone lol and even if you're with the other sex that doesn't make you immune to biphobia. the statistics are there.

i do think there are some bisexuals who wanna go on abt this "monosexual privilege" shit but in radfem spaces? there's no reason why bi women talking abt legitimate concerns should be met with "other women have it worse so shut up," like that's literally a men's rights activist talking point to shut down feminists and i yet see radfems saying it unironically to bi/straight women which is wild to me

[elephantinpajamas]

A Reflection on Colorado Springs

I'm incredibly privileged, and I've always known that. I'm queer, and I'm very open about it, and I've been bullied for it and accepted for it and, to be completely honest, I've never even really come out to my family because I never felt like I had to. I knew full well I was safe with them. Who I am isn't necessarily transparent, I'm completely open about it but most people don't assume I'm bisexual until I tell them. I present, not in a "Masculine" way, necessarily, but every now and then I can come off more like a "Bro" than I intend to in some fleeting attempt to make temporary new friends at a bar or something like that. I've never been gay-bashed except when I've explicitly admitted to being queer, and those instances have been few and far between, and not particularly severe. I'm lucky, and I damn well know it. More or less open and out since before I was a teenager.

I don't think you could say my dad "wanted" a queer son, I think he wanted a linebacker or a star left-fielder and obviously those aren't mutually exclusive, but I always knew he would never malign me for who I was and, frankly, if he hasn't figured it out by now I'm gonna start questioning his mental prowess with a little more scrutiny. He's never judged me for it. His disappointment had everything to do with the fact that I'm not over 6 feet tall and that I'm a huge smart-ass, not me being bi.

My mom probably knows, and I think I may have drunkenly come out to her once or five times, but given that she was drinking the same wine I was I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember either. Similarly, she would hold no judgement either way.

I've had a few friends give me weird looks when I initially told them, but honestly even then most of them came around within a half hour to realizing I wasn't trying to make a pass at them at the sleepover just because they were a dude.

I joke about my sexuality the same way I joke about everything else about myself.

Every once in a while, that becomes temporarily impossible.

What happened at the Q Club is so horrific I can't begin to fathom its impact.

The fact is, I feel safe most of the time. I live in an accepting city, in an accepting family, with an accepting community.

But when something like this happens, when someone comes into a seemingly safe community like the Q Club and destroys it the way that bastard did, there is nowhere I feel safe, at least not for a while. Not even with my family, or my friends, or at work, not anywhere. Anywhere I felt safe now feels like a minefield.

After the 2016 election I remember seeing swastikas done in sidewalk chalk all up and down the block I grew up on. Whoever did it probably didn't know my mom and I are Jewish, but I know we are, and I know how those swastikas made me feel. Even that felt like a more secure time.

Just like after Pulse, this is one of those moments to me where nothing feels safe, sacred, or secure. /Shockingly/, I am not a huge fan of that feeling.

My heart goes out to the victims, the families, the friends, the community that will have to rebuild some sort of sanctum for themselves again for no other reason than because some piece of shit decided to ruin everyones' lives.

I hope you all find some peace. You deserve more than that, but it feels like the most we can strive for right now.

If nothing else, we deserve that.

[audreydoeskaren]

do you know Chinese symbolism for homosexuality?

tw homophobia, pedophilia

Hi again, for gay men there are a couple really well known ones but I’m not sure if they were real or fabricated, because all the articles describing them always cite the same couple sources from Antiquity... I tried to verify them but the only articles that didn’t copy and paste from the same source came across as extremely homophobic, so I decided to give up. The most common and reliable one is probably 断袖 or “cut sleeve”, which I mentioned in a previous ask. I would like to use this opportunity to talk about some tangential but more important topics regarding homosexuality in China though.

As a followup to my previous ask where I said I'd look through some Ming and Qing novels to see how homosexuality was perceived at the time, the conclusion I (unfortunately) came to was that homophobia was very much alive and well in Chinese literature and society. A lot of people like to argue that gay people fared pretty well in China historically by either pointing to emperors who were or were rumored to be gay or time periods where gay sex was prevalent as a form of consumption. This is extremely shallow and also kind of Orientalist in my opinion, these arguments always go for the emperors and do not take nuance into consideration or dive into wider societal discourses on homosexuality in imperial China. If you research homosexuality in Europe by only looking at royalty, you’ll find plenty of homosexual behavior too, does that mean gay people had it very easy in Europe historically?? Not to mention that they usually don’t differentiate between dynasties, let alone centuries or decades, even though public opinion on homosexuality in China (or anywhere in the world tbh) could change very quickly. This is also sort of Orientalist, assuming “imperial China” to be a never changing entity with a never changing stance on homosexuality. Since I know nothing prior to the Ming Dynasty I’ll share some of my random findings on homosexuality and homophobia in the Ming, Qing and 20th century.

Gayness as disease

Nowadays the symbol of the cut sleeve is just a benign historical allusion but historically it seems that it was used in a negative and condemning sense, implying that people thought of homosexuality as a disease or deviation from the norm. The common phrase used for the cut sleeve is "断袖之癖", usually translated as "the passion of the cut sleeve" nowadays, but the meaning of the word 癖 here leans more toward "fetish", "obsession" or "hobby" with pathological connotations. I thought maybe this word had a different, nuanced meaning historically but it seems that it was used to describe what it means :(( The only silver lining is probably that with the progression of language it isn’t offensive anymore.

In a lot of popular novels from the Ming and Qing, homosexuality was depicted as a "perversion" and a decadent lifestyle that plagues morality, and gay characters were often either killed or straightened out by the end of the story. An example of this is the story 黄九郎 Huang Jiulang from the series 聊斋志异 Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by 蒲松龄 Pu Songling written in the 17th century. In this story, one of the protagonists was gay; he died after confessing his love to the other guy in a very fast paced bury your gays arc which somehow reminded me of the Supernatural finale, and reincarnated as a straight man because of his piety. Thanks I hate it. Pu uses the symbol of the cut sleeve to refer to the protagonist, presumably in a negative manner.

Gayness as power/status symbol

Another thing was that historically in China a lot of people confused homosexuality with pedophilia. This is a global thing, but its presence in China is often overlooked. This could be seen in the popularity of another term for homosexuality, "娈童", meaning something similar to "pederasty". I read somewhere that since the late Ming, pederasty was considered a type of tasteful consumption for high society, along with things like fashion, food, music and art. This was not equivalent to the "cut sleeve" or homosexuality as we know it nowadays, which refers to a personal sexual orientation, pederasty historically often refers to an imbalanced power dynamic where a wealthy, privileged man takes advantage of a young boy as a leisurely activity. It’s more to show off that someone in a position of privilege and wealth has the power to procure sexual objects, gender and age don’t matter much in this regard. I cannot help but cringe violently whenever someone brings up pederasty as proof of China’s historical “openness” toward gay people. Talk to me again when in this time and place you could marry someone of your sex (not a minor) and be considered a respectable couple instead of two jerks with a degenerate fetish (not saying that gay people have to marry, it’s just that the ability to do so is an important indicator of equality imo). Pedophilia and homosexuality are not one and the same good heavens.

I hypothesize that the reason why Chinese society was historically homophobic despite having no religious condemnation of homosexual individuals was the idea that having many concubines and male children was a status symbol for men. Women of marriageable age were seen more or less as commodities and male children could supposedly "continue the bloodline" 传香火 and were vessels for passing down prestige, so having them were of utmost importance to a privileged man. Being just gay or lesbian, however, meant that you didn't perform the "man strong working woman weak making babies" heteronormative family prototype, and was thus prone to criticism. When gay men didn’t have children they “couldn’t continue their bloodline” and were emasculated, when gay women didn’t have children they failed to “fulfill their duties as a woman” and were shamed.

It kind of makes sense considering how being bisexual was never a problem in comparison, especially for men. If you were a rich guy who had both male and female partners, you would still have children and concubines both male and female so nobody gives a shit. Emperor Zhengde of the Ming (reign 1505-21) was presumably bisexual and had both male and female lovers, nobody had a bone to pick with that; he famously liked to fuck around but those who criticized him did so for his debauchery instead of focusing on the gender of his partners.  This is different to homophobia in Europe where same sex attraction was considered evil and immoral in and of itself because of religious reasons, in China it was rather the other practical implications of homosexuality (not having children or a family) that attracted hate.

By the way can we just take a moment to talk about bi erasure in Chinese history. From all accounts of Emperor Zhengde I’ve read he comes across as extremely bisexual, but a lot of people try to make him a gay icon? I mean, he liked women too.

One interesting homophobic angle in ye olde China which I find kind of funny was straight women who wanted to climb the social ladder by marrying rich men talking shit about them after figuring out they were gay lmao. Historically, there were not so many work opportunities for women, so the easiest way to improve social standing was to marry a rich and powerful guy. Not saying that women didn't work, they did but their upward social mobility was restricted because they couldn't enter the imperial examination system which was how men became rich and powerful. This angle is relatively benign and kind of helps illustrate that historical Chinese homophobia was indeed fueled by classism and patriarchy.

Gayness as crime

I used to think that there were no anti-sodomy statutes in China (laws prohibiting sex between gay men), but it turns out that there was one decree in the Jiajing era (1521-67) and one in 1740, and private gay sex was not actually decriminalized until 1957. Same sex marriage is still not legal in China at time of writing. I couldn’t find detailed information on what these laws entailed or how they were enforced, but they’re enough to prove that homosexuality in China was legally punishable from the 16th century onward. On top of that, even when there was no law prohibiting private sex acts between people of the same sex, displays of gay affection such as kissing or holding hands could still be legally punished under “public indecency” or “hooliganism”, which was frequently what happened in the 20th century. 

[manlarp]

First off I do agree that febfem, bi and lesbian experiences are different and should be treated as such, BUT "you don't know what it's like to not be able to fit in as straight/you have the option to be straight/etc" is just biphobic. Sure, we "can" be "straight" but it requires intense repression. ANYONE can be straight with enough repression. We don't fit in among straight people because to them, the moment we aren't straight is the moment we're alien and foreign and suspect. They don't go "oh my apologies, carry on" when we explain we're bi, they shit on us just as much and then bullshit like "straight-passing" makes it hard to find acceptance and support within a community we FUCKING BUILT WITH YOU. We are JUST as marginalized, JUST as vulnerable and JUST as deserving as lesbians in this community. I don't care if anyone finds that offensive it's just true.

I disagree completely.

If you are bisexual and in a straight relationship, you are privileged. No one ever has to even know that you're bi, if it's safer for you that way, or in a hostile environment. Lesbians do not have this privilege because they can only be happy in a homosexual relationship. Do you understand? They are visibly homosexual when they navigate life with their partner, it isn't just some quirky fact they like to bring up if anyone assumes they're boring...

Bisexual people do experience homophobia and biphobia. But it is possible for them to marry without issue, kiss their partner in public without issue, adopt, hold hands, etc. IF they are in a straight relationship.

Lesbians don't have this option because they could never, ever be fulfilled in a straight relationship. Whereas you have a good chance to be.

When lesbians grow up, they wonder how they will ever be happy if they can't be with a woman. Bi people don't have to worry so much because they know they're still attracted to the opposite sex. Lesbians don't have a choice. They have nothing to fall back on.

Bi people don't have to repress themselves to be in a straight relationship. Being attracted to the opposite sex is part of your sexual identity. Your heterosexual relationship as a bi person isn't different to that of a straight person's.

Bisexuals in homosexual relationships obviously are a lot more marginalised. But come on. You can't seriously believe that someone in a straight relationship is more oppressed than someone in a lesbian one.

[kiras-sunshine]

tarlos valentine 2021 day 1 prompt: “babe please sharing is caring” + blanket hogging

words: 5111

summary:

“Are you seriously reading a WikiHow article about how to stop hogging the covers?”

"Yes"

read on ao3

or

”This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” TK declares as he takes yet another forkful of the chocolate cake that Carlos has baked for his birthday.

He cannot remember when someone would have baked an actual cake for his birthday. They celebrate everyone’s birthday at the firehouse, but usually those are bought from the supermarket and they taste and look exactly like they cost less than five dollars.

His dad has threatened to bake something every year, but after the year when he served the dairy, butter and sugar free cake, TK had banned him from birthday related baking.

“Seriously,” he continues, gesturing towards the almost empty plate with his fork, “this cake made me fall more in love with you and I didn’t know that was possible.”

Carlos shakes his head, clearly in amusement, as he bites down his smile. He looks delighted and pleased.  “I’m glad you like it.”

“Like is an understatement,” he remarks and reaches over the narrow kitchen island to press a quick kiss on his lips.

The cake tastes amazing, rich and sweet, and the texture is fluffy, but firm. It looked gorgeous too, as if it were straight rout of the high-end confectioneries of Manhattan. He had asked where he had bought it before Carlos admitted, rather timidly, that he had baked it from the scratch.

TK hadn’t been expecting anything other than the supermarket cake, and honestly, he thought his birthday would be just grouped together with the firehouse annual Christmas party. Being born in December usually meant that it got joined with Christmas celebrations and it didn’t get to be a separate thing. TK is fine with it. It bothered him more when he was a child, but now he doesn’t mind that much.

Hoping that one day would be about him feels like a dumb, childish and selfish wish.  

Carlos had been uncharacteristically quiet about the upcoming birthday or any plans related to it, and TK had been almost convinced that he had forgotten the whole thing. It would have been fine if it were the case, but obviously, he hadn’t forgotten. Instead, he had gone all out.

TK knows he should have suspected something when Marjan had asked all slyly if he had any plans for his birthday when they all had been gathered around the firehouse dining table to eat the pathetic looking supermarket cake.

He had said no, and everyone had smiled like they knew something he didn’t, but he had brushed it off.

TK reaches scoop a forkful of the cake from Carlos’ plate, because his is almost empty, and he grins at him brightly. “Babe please, sharing is caring,” he chuckles.

Carlos rolls his eyes, but the fondness is too visible to make him seem even a tiny bit annoyed.

“You’re lucky I love you,” he mumbles. There is no heat behind his words, and he pushes the plate closer to TK.

It’s obviously meant to be a joke and his voice is light, but still TK is aware that it is the closest thing to the truth anyway. He feels lucky, incredibly so.

Carlos is a kind, caring and loving person in general and it is evident in the way he does his job and the way he treats people around him, and TK is fully aware that he would be lucky to get just a fraction of the love Carlos has to give, but the fact that he has decided that TK is worth of all of it makes it a whole another thing.

Lucky doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Privilege, maybe.

He has started to notice lately that the English language doesn’t have nearly enough words to describe what he is feeling for him. But that doesn’t stop him from trying.

“I know,” TK eventually replies, several beats too late it to be counted as banter anymore and the fondness in Carlos’ eyes just grows.

He does steal another forkful of his piece of cake and lets his gaze wonder around the small cabin.

Instead of forgetting his birthday, Carlos had rented a cabin for three days. It is a couple hours away from Austin, located near camping-area, and while the cabin is small, it is still objectively really nice and fancy for a log cabin.

He looks at the dark brown wooden walls and the shiny marble kitchen island. He tries his best not to think how much money he has spent on his surprise.

Carlos had also coordinated it so that they both have the three days off around his birthday, and he had listed his whole crew’s, and his dad’s help, to do it, several months in advance. TK guesses there are certain perks that his boyfriend gets along with his family like a house on fire.

Carlos yawns. He blinks a couple of times, before focusing his gaze back to him. He smiles and it is warm and genuine one, but TK can see the redness of his eyes and the dark circles below them. He looks exhausted, even though he is trying to hide it.

“You should go to sleep,” TK points out, softly, as he places the fork on his own plate.

“I’m fine,” he insists.

In his opinion, it is a small wonder Carlos hasn’t collapsed already. He had pulled an fourteen-hour shift with some over time on top of it. After that he had still driven them up to the cottage and cooked him a huge dinner. It’s a bit unclear to him where he found the time to bake the cake, but the point is, he knows that he is tired.

He would know it without having all the details. They have been together for year and a half, and TK likes to think that he can read him. Understand all the little cues from his facial expressions and behavior. At the moment, everything he picks on screams that he is fatigued.

“You look like you could pass out from exhaustion,” he remarks.

“It’s your birthday,” Carlos argues, a little flatly, but he is poorly attempting to repress yet another yawn.

“I’m aware,” he says, amusedly, as walks around the kitchen island and reaches to take his hand into his own. He presses a soft kiss on his knuckles. “All of this is really nice, and I love it, but it also pains me to see you so tired.”

He blinks slowly, but his smile is lopsided, but still full of adoration. “I wanted to do something special for you.”

TK remembers faintly that he had told him on his last birthday that his birthday rarely was a priority, always getting entangled to the preparations of the holiday season, and he had certainly not meant anything with it. But Carlos, being a strong contender for the title of most considerate person in the world, had hung on his words and decided to indulge him on his silly wish of having a proper birthday.

TK had snorted when they had picked up the keys of the cabin and the receptionist had frowned when she clarified that there would be no Christmas decorations, per request, but Carlos had just grinned at him.

“And it is,” he reassures, squeezing his hand slightly.

It makes his stomach flip as he thinks how much effort he has put into the whole thing, just so that he would feel loved and cared for.

“Maybe,” Carlos admits softly, “but going to sleep before eight wasn’t really part of the plan.”

Carlos lets go of his hand, but places both of his hands on his waist and pulls him closer. TK has no objections against that, and he loves the feeling of their bodies being pressed together. He loves the closeness of it, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world to be so up in each other’s personal space.

“Yeah, just one of the many perks of dating a first responder,” he deadpans, resting his other hand on his bicep.

Carlos huffs amusedly. “Because there are so many of them.”

“Our never matching schedules,” he offers. He lets his other hand run along his spine and settles it to hold the small of his back.

“Monthly hospital visits.”

TK glares at him. “They aren’t monthly.”

“Bi-monthly,” Carlos corrects himself with a shit-eating grin and it makes his nose scrunch, and it is one of the most adorable things TK has ever witnessed.

“Constant fear and worry,” he adds.

He knows he should be almost used to it. Since early childhood, he has had to learn to live with the fact that one day his dad might not make it to home, and now almost everyone he loves and considers family risks their lives on daily basis to help others.

He should be used to it, but the truth is that he isn’t. The fear and worry still sometimes knock him off his feet and take over every part of his body, but he can cope with it. Most of the time. Although, he loathes the fact that his standards for a good day have been lowered to the simple rule of if they both make it home in one piece, it’s a good day.

Carlos nods and presses a soft kiss on his forehead. He doesn’t immediately pull away. “The way you smell like smoke,” he murmurs against his skin.

TK lets out a surprised laugh and the ghost of his kiss still lingers right above his eyebrows when he pulls away. “I could always shower again.”

He has gotten into the habit of showering at the firehouse when the shift ends, because Carlos does have a point about the smell hazards. Most of the time he reeks after the shift and he had rinsed his skin today too, and the shift hadn’t been terrible. Only one fire at the 24-hour diner when their deep fryer had caught on fire, but that was hours ago.

“You’ve smelled like it since the day we met,” he points out, “I’m not sure a shower is going to help.”

“Hey,” TK protests, but he doesn’t bother to hide his grin.

“I wouldn’t change any of it for anything,” he says under his breath, “apart from fearing for your life.”

Over the couple of years, he has known Carlos, he has noticed that certain things happen when he gets thoroughly exhausted. His accent becomes thicker and he becomes sappier than usually and he starts to lack a certain filter. It’s mostly just amusing and endearing, and he loves that side of Carlos just as much as any other, but he also wants to take care of him.

It makes a certain kind of knot of uneasiness to form in his stomach knowing that he is burning the candle from both ends for him.

“I know, me neither,” TK reassures, softly, but pushes him a little backwards, “but seriously, you should go to bed. And you don’t even have to go alone.”

He is also a little weary after the shift. His muscles are achy, and he wouldn’t mind sleeping around the clock. And as always, seeing Carlos yawn, makes him sleepy, too.

“Your pickup lines are terrible,” he retorts, but takes a couple steps backwards towards the bedroom.

TK snorts. “They worked well enough on you.”

He still keeps walking backwards, his left shoulder only slightly bumping against the doorframe as he enters the bedroom. “They didn’t. I didn’t need pick-up lines, it was that damn smile.”

He ought to add getting complimented by him to the list of things he should be already gotten used to, because Carlos does it a lot. It’s a casual comment here and there, and it definitely isn’t always about his looks, but still no matter how many times he hears them, they always make his stomach twist in a best way possible.

Even now, the bubbling feeling of happiness settles into his chest and his lips are curling into a smile, and he knows it’s giving away everything he is currently feeling. The happiness and adoration mixing into together and spilling out as a soft and bright smile.

“That’s the one,” Carlos whispers, contently and almost in awe, and few seconds later his fist is full of the soft fabric of TK’s grey sweatshirt and he is pulling him close again.

“Yeah,” TK finds himself saying, but he cannot tear his gaze away from his lips and judging by the glint in his brown eyes, he has noticed it too, despite the sleep deprivation.

Sometimes, most of the time really, it is like electricity humming underneath his skin when Carlos looks at him. It feels like it now, too, and while they established very early into their acquittance that they are into each other. It was painfully obvious from the way they glanced each other while dancing and from the way they ended up hooking up within an hour.

Still, TK cannot help but marvel the that the feeling of sparks and electricity is still there, but it is still different. All the rush and fumbling are gone because there is more certainness now, of that the other is not going to disappear and that any of the lingering touches would be the last ones.

Now, every moment is like a small declaration of love.

He tugs the hem of Carlos’ shirt and gently yanks it upwards and helps him to undress it and Carlos helps him to get rid of his sweatshirt and tosses it somewhere on the floor. Suddenly, his lips are on his again, and the kiss is soft, but it still makes TK’s heart beat faster and toes curl up with want.

He runs his hands along his arms and squeezes his left forearm slightly. “Mmh, not when you’re that tired,” TK mumbles against his lips.

He knows where it is heading unless he breaks it off, and while he wants to, it still defeats the whole purpose of his grand plan of Carlos getting enough sleep.

Carlos immediately takes a step back, like he always does when he lets him know he is not up for something, and his smile is mischievous, but still a little flustered. “I’d not fall asleep on you,” he adds, as he takes off his sweatpants, but this time he folds them neatly and picks up their shirts from the floor.

“You have,” TK points out, kindly, as he gets rid of his own pants, “and you probably would now, too.”

Since their schedules don’t always match, they tend to take up any opportunity that arises, but a couple of times, after double digit shifts, Carlos has fallen asleep before they have even properly started, and it’s no big deal. TK knows he has fallen asleep on him too.

He mostly finds it endearing, but it also means to him that Carlos trusts him enough and is comfortable enough to fall asleep without a second thought to it.

Carlos just hums amusedly as a response and gets into the way too huge bed.

The bedroom is tiny, and the bed takes a ridiculously big part of it, but he is surprised to find it to be incredibly soft and comfortable. Still, as TK sits on the bed, he pushes his pillow closer to his because he is not sleeping twenty inches away from him.

He settles down, lying right next to him and Carlos immediately drapes one arm over him, resting it on his chest and nuzzling his shoulder. TK’s hand fumbles a little until it finds Carlos’s other hand and curls his fingers around his.

“I’m--,” Carlos starts, quietly, but TK cuts him immediately off.

“Don’t you dare apologize again,” he says, softly. “This is all I ever wanted and it’s perfect.”

He runs his fingers along his forearm. He hopes that he knows that he doesn’t mean the cabin or any of it, but just that he gets to spend his birthday with him.

Twenty-year-old TK would have laughed if someone would have told him that his best birthday would be in rural Texas, but there he is, more content than ever.

“How did you know what I was going to say?”

He glances at him. “I can hear you think.”

Carlos exhales softly and TK can feel his breath against his bicep. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. You deserve all of it and more.”

It has been a long process to learn that he deserves nice things and to be loved, because of everything and despite of everything. He has Carlos to remind him about it occasionally, but still he cannot help but wonder what he has done to end up with more love than he could have imagined a couple of years ago.

He turns his head to press a gentle kiss on his temple. “Why this place?”

TK has wondered about it since the moment they arrived. He has never heard about the place before and albeit, his knowledge of anything about Texas outside of Austin is a little wobbly, but the whole place seems to be quiet and has a little hole-in-the-wall feeling to it, like you would have to know about its existence to find it.

“It’s a dumb story,” he murmurs against his shoulders.

“I wanna hear all of your dumb stories.”

Carlos shifts a little. “We came here with my family when I was maybe thirteen,” he starts, slowly and absentmindedly tracing some sort of pattern against his ribs. “I loved this place, and we had great time, but it still filled me with dread ‘cause the place was full of happy couples and families, and I was pretty convinced at that age that I couldn’t ever have any of that on my own.”

His heart breaks a little as he listens to him. He meant his words that he wants to hear all of his stories, dumb or not, but now he regrets a little of ever asking because he knows that his coming out process hasn’t always been the smoothest and deep south hasn’t been the most forgiving place for him to live and grow up.

“But,” Carlos continues, “I had this dream that one day I’d bring here someone I’d love.”

TK breath almost hitches in his throat. It’s almost too much, but in the best way possible. To know that he has had that idea in his head for years and that he decided that he would be worthy of being a part of that. It makes his heart soar.

“I did try to warn you it was dumb,” he mumbles, taking his silence in the wrong way.

“It’s not dumb,” he rushes to say, “it’s actually really sweet.”

It’s not the most eloquent response, but it’s too difficult to pinpoint anything he is currently feeling or to put them into comprehensible words that would reflect any of the love he has for him.

“Yeah, well, you’re the only one I’ve brought here, so there is that too,” he adds, his gaze focused on his jawline, but he looks up to his eyes too, with the softest of smiles.

He is convinced his heart is going to burst. “Thank you for sharing it with me,” he whispers, right below his ear, “and for including me in it.”

They lay there for a moment, in silence, only listening the steady breathing of each other’s, but eventually TK sits up to reach the corner of the duvet and tries to settle it so that it covers both of their bodies.

“Are you going to hog all the blankets again?”

Carlos has closed his eyes already, but his voice is light and teasing.

“I don’t hog ‘em.”

He sputters out a laugh, and it’s warm, happy and genuine, and TK loves to hear that particular laugh.

“Oh, so I’ve been sleeping without one willingly for a year and half,” Carlos asks, quizzically, but it looks like another fit of laughter could erupt from him at any given moment.

“What?”

“You always steal the blankets, even if there are two,” Carlos explains, sounding almost fond as he looks at him.

“I don’t?”

TK hates how it sounds like a question to his own ears, too. He is aware that he moves a lot in his sleep, and his ex-boyfriends have given him so much shit about it, which is also why he tried to avoid staying the night when he started seeing Carlos.

Nothing is more charming than elbowing significant other in their sleep or kicking their shins. Still, Carlos has never said anything about the way he sleeps.

He knows that their bed is a goddamn mess every time they wake up, the blankets are usually disregarded somewhere, and they are not in the same positions as they fell asleep to, but he had no idea that he was the main cause of it.

“Mhm, you do,” Carlos hums, his eyes closing again.

TK shoots perplexed glance at him. “Why haven’t you woken me up?”

He is a little more than appalled that apparently he has been doing it since the beginning of their relationship, but he is only hearing about it now.

Carlos opens one of his eyes, squeezing the other one shut. “Yeah, wonder why I haven’t woken up my boyfriend, who on regular basis pulls twenty-four-hour shifts,” he mumbles, but there is nothing but kindness in his voice.

“You could have,” he argues, flatly.

“I’ve tried to steal them back sometimes,” Carlos admits, his gaze landing back to him, and his eyes are gleaming. “But there’s no point. You just steal ‘em back. I’ve extra blankets, too, but there is no limit to how many blankets you hog in a night.”

Not for the first time around Carlos, TK finds himself to be a little loss for words. This time it is because of completely different reasons, he is a little too stunned and confused to talk.

“The way you clutch to them and collect them is almost adorable,” he adds with a low chuckle.  

“So, every time you have said you sleep better when I’m there with you has been a blatant lie?”

He almost wants to laugh. It’s a bit more than ridiculous that he is only learning about his own nocturnal habits now, and Carlos has told him multiple times that he sleeps more soundly and deeply, that he feels safe, when he is around, and he has always found that a little more than endearing, but now it feels impossible to wrap his head around that it would be anywhere near the truth.

“Nope.”

“You really expect me to believe that the best sleep of your life happens without blankets?”

Carlos blinks, but the look he gives him is soft and laced equally with love and fondness. Still, he gently pokes him in between his ribs. “Am I in the habit of lying to you?”

“No.”

“Then there’s your answer,” he replies, easily and effortlessly, as if he has accepted the fate of sleeping without any blankets, ever.

TK grunts and picks up his phone from the nightstand and starts typing.

“Are you seriously reading a WikiHow article about how to stop hogging the covers?” Carlos questions, as he peaks the article he started suddenly to browse through.

“Yes.”

He cannot put his finger to what actually bothers him about this small revelation so much. The unnamed feeling in his chest grows and it starts to resemble something similar to guilt, even though some logical part of his brain is telling him that there is no reason to feel that way.

He can admit that it makes him uneasy to know that Carlos has stayed silent about it for so long, especially when it must have affected the way he sleeps, too.

Carlos chuckles, softly. “It’s not that big of a deal, Ty,” he whispers, pressing a kiss on his shoulder.

“Apparently we could sleep separately,” he reads aloud as he scrolls through the surprisingly long article.

“Out of question,” Carlos replies, without missing a beat.

He huffs in some sort of agreement. It’s not the solution he would be eager to try any time soon, but he wants to find something tangible to make the uneasiness in his heart to go away.

“Somehow trap the covers underneath the mattress, smaller bed, bigger blankets--,” he continues to slowly read as he makes through the list, until Carlos gently yanks the phone away from his hand and places it face down on his chest.

“We don’t need to do any of that,” he reminds, “I sleep perfectly fine. You cling like an octopus and you’re like a walking radiator, I don’t need a blanket. And above all, I like sleeping with you.”

It’s a tiny confession, but he sounds sure of it and there is genuine fondness in the way he says it, and he cannot help but believe that he means it.

TK loves the way they sleep. There is so much closeness in it. Their bed is pretty wide, but every time he wakes up, they are close and touching each other, in one way or another. A hand resting on a thigh, fingers against hip, face pressed against shoulder blade, entangled legs and arms.

He is pretty convinced there are no moments when they are not touching when sleeping. He sort of likes that. That they drift towards other, even when they are completely unaware of it. They move in their sleep. Carlos always falls asleep on his side but ends up lying on his back. He moves around a lot more, but the fact that they always wake up pressed together, means that they move together.

When the other moves, the other follows. Invisible string connecting them in their dreams. Like magnets pulling each other in.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” Carlos continues to fill in the silence, “I knew you’d get stuck in that beautiful mind of yours about it, but I didn’t know it’d bother you this much.”

There is a question hidden, and he knows he is giving him the space not to answer, but he wants to.

TK groans, quietly and softly. He places the phone back on the nightstand and rubs his own face. “It’s just that—you simply decided to put up with it,” he tries to clarify, still trying to make sense of the emotions that keep bumping against each other inside of him, “instead of telling me to do something about it.”

He knows that he cannot control what he does in his sleep, but he would still like to try and make it better.

“I get that, but sayin’ that I’m putting up with it makes it sound too negative,” he says, exhaustion leaking back into his voice just slightly, “and I’d have told you if truly bothered me, but it doesn’t.”

“Yeah.”

He strokes his side, in slow moments, with his thumb. It sends small shivers along his spine. TK glances back at him, but his eyes are closed again. “I love you and I’ll gladly sleep without a blanket for rest of my life, it’s a small price to pay.”

Silence follows, and TK can feel how he tenses up slightly next to him. It’s a small change, but he knows him well enough to spot the difference.

“That’s pretty much wedding vow material already,” TK jokes, planting another kiss on his forehead because he wants him to know it is okay, and that he is not freaking out about any mentions of their shared future, and that he can say stuff like that to him.

That he wants to hear it.

Some of the tension immediately leaves his body when he pulls away from the kiss.

“I know,” he slurs, sleepily. “I should write it down.”

“Height of romance.”

He laughs, even though he manages to make it sound tired too, but it is still a beautiful sound. “Damn right it is.”

“I’m gonna buy a bigger duvet when we get home,” TK declares.

“You don’t have to.”

“No, but I want to.”

It might not help anything, and Carlos does seem pretty content with their current arrangements, but he still needs to do something. To try, at least, even if it is something as small as blanket hogging.

Carlos opens his eyes again, clearly fighting off the sleep. “Promise something.”

He is a little surprised by his words, but he cranes his neck on the pillow so that he can get a better look at his face. “Anything.”

“Don’t start to overthink it, the way you sleep isn’t something you should actively think about. You’ll only lose sleep,” he tells him.

TK knows he has a point. It’s definitely an easy rabbit hole to fall in, and to become too self-conscious about every moment and not being able to relax and just be. Maybe he should take Carlos’ word for it.

“I’ll promise I’ll try my best to get over the fact that I’ve forced you to freeze your ass every night for over a year.”

Carlos’ eyes are shut, but the grin that forms on his lips is bright and brilliant. “We live in Texas, it’s hot and humid most of the time, my ass is fine.”

“It is.”

He laughs again, mostly against his fluffy pillow. “How did we end up having this conversation?”

“About us, the blankets, the future or the future of our blankets?” TK asks, deadpan, just to mess with his sleep deprived brain.

“Any of it?”

“I don’t know, you started it,” he tells him, amusement shining in his soft voice

“I’m too tired,” he half-slurs, but the smile still lingers on his lips.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” TK points out, kindly, and moves his other hand to run through Carlos’ hair, massaging his scalp soothingly.

“You’re right,” he breathes out, and TK can hear the smirk in his voice, “just this once.”

He laughs quietly, trying not to stir him any more than necessary, and he thinks he might have already fallen asleep, and he almost startles when he hears his voice again.

“Ty?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t need any blankets, just need you.”

He would have expected his voice to be light, teasing and joking, but it sounds surprisingly sincere and like it half-accidently escapes away from his exhausted mind, but it sounds still so goddamn sincere that it makes TK’s heart flutter.

“Smooth,” he remarks, quietly, unsure what to do with all the happiness that keeps bubbling inside of him, but the only reply he gets is the quiet and steady breathing.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

-

Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

-

Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

[biboyhalo]

hi i have a sort of stupid question lmao ok so i was thinking about the anon u posted earlier saying something along the lines of dream experiencing straight passing privilege or smth, and i started thinking about how i’ve seen countless qrts and replies and stuff of twitter edgelords calling him the f slur under clips or whatever of him interacting w george, or just under random tweets he’s put out. and that’s just on twitter i can’t imagine the forums or whatever that obsess over him on less “progressive”/reportable sites. and i was wondering if that’s him experiencing homophobia? cuz technically it’s not like those ppl know anything more than we do, they just throw that word around, and also they probably call like,, straight guys who paint their nails that as well. so like those straight guys are clearly not experiencing homophobia even if the slur is obviously homophobic. bc for example when i was closeted the homophobia i experienced was like,, witnessing my parents/church/acquaintances say vile shit, as well as all the internalized stuff, and a general societal homophobia aka me having to be in the closet. i never had like,, people call me slurs to my face because of something they assumed or just cuz they liked saying the word (and directed at me) even though as far as they knew i was straight. IDK IF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE LMAOO if this is absolutely incoherent u can ignore me.

yes, if he is bi that is 100% him experiencing homophobia. even if he is not out, words like that will affect him negatively and will influence his experience in the closet and will influence his decision on coming out, which in turn influences internalised homophobia and so on. 

[rosesareviolentlyread]

Howdy!

So, despite being a lurker, and then a semi-active person for a while I’ve never made an intro post! And, well, as one of the mods for @whumpmasinjuly now speed running the event to catch up, I figure I can be living proof that better late than never! 

I’m Rosy, she/her/hers, a 22 year old Bi baby using writing as a coping mechanism for our hellscape. I’ve always enjoyed whump, without knowing it until I found the term last fall. I’m also a comfort whore, so always know that nothing I write has a sad ending, there’s fluff coming.

I love exploring OCs, vulnerability, interesting conditions for whump, and world building/making my ideas way too complicated. That or writing random requests to prompts. There’s really no in between. I've either thought about it way too much or not at all. Which I guess is to say, if there’s a prompt or scenario you’ve always wanted written drop it in my ask box, I enjoy the challenge! I’m really passionate about creative writing as a tool to explore, which ties into my work with nonprofit alternative education models. 

I’ve got a few things posted on my blog, but none are the main stories I’ve been working on, because busy but also as said above I tend to...spend forever researching/drafting haha. If you’re interested in checking out the ideas I got in the pipeline, check under the cut! Feel free to let me know if you’d like to be tagged, some will start being published in the next few days.

And lastly, hope y’all don’t mind, but I thought I’d tag some friends & my fav authors in the community that have helped me start to get more involved!: @sableflynn @bleedingandfeverish @straight-to-the-pain @softsweetsuffering @mottinthemainpot @burtlederp @killtheprotagonist @slaintetowhump @wildfaewhump @ashintheairlikesnow @deluxewhump @0idril0 @whumpywhumper @moose-teeth @endless-whump @bloodandbandages @whumping-every-day @card-games-and-pain @starrywhump @nowhumponmain @orchidscript @untilthepainstarts @whump-tr0pes @albino-whumpee @whumpiary ok gonna stop tagging people now wow I read too much/talk to people a lot

My WIPs: 

(Note: I’m trying to edit at least one of each to post this week but my muse hops around a lot so consistent and chronological these stories will not be. They’re ordered vaguely by where my muse is rn)

Elias: The newest one, a spur-of-the-moment addition who’s got a few more prompts coming. A boy who’s gotten the shit end of the stick in life ends up in the basement of a frat, tortured after the mob boss who took him to get a ransom from his shit-stain brother decided to cut losses and gift Elias to his nephew, passing him off as a boxboy in the process. Some well-meaning college students decide to rescue him, only to get into who knows what, certainly not me. Variation within BBU, thanks to @deluxewhump for the idea. Mainly recovery from torture for now

Studying About That Good Ole Way/Fae bb: A modern magic world loosely inspired by @0idril0 & @whumpywhumper’s Nico/Clint & Marcus/Lucien series’ respectively. Under the increased scrutiny of the modern age, magical creatures come forward with their existence. Fae have always lived in a state of fear but now more so, as their existence as a source of magic means they can be used for great feats, both by humans and magic folk alike. In fear, some hide their young as changelings in the hopes that in growing in non-magical communities, they will not develop their full magical characteristics. 

     Faith is a young girl from a ‘perfect’ anti-magic Christian family, who goes to a liberal arts college to study Theology. In her thesis work to understand how to reconcile God with the magic community, the exposure to the magic sparks her transformation into her full, natural Fae self. A professor/local pastor offers to help, which does not go well. Her brother Adam, who abandons his family and his church after it disowns and demonizes his sister, is left to pick up the pieces. Religious whump, torture, intimate whumper, some body horror/gore, recovery angst, a not-great himbo caretaker trying his best, found family eventually.

Once You Are Real: Victorian Magical vaguely Steampunk Fantasy world. A shopkeeper specializing in magical refurbishment & repair comes across a life-sized porcelain ‘doll’, broken and pieced together in webs of golden cracks. He quickly discovers that not only is this ‘doll’ actually a construct, it’s a sentient construct, the most advanced he’s ever seen, capable of distressing amounts of emotion and physical feeling. An uncanny valley of past pains that now sits on his bench to fix. Caretaker fluff, emotional angst, psychological angst, discussing human condition, some creepy/intimate whumper flashbacks. 

The Paths We Travel: A trio that takes place in @wildfaewhump ’s Pathverse. Technically the first piece of this is posted, but I’ve rehauled it since then so I’ll be rewriting that intro. 

     Oren is a former A-Class, used to experiment with the extent of Class-A’s potential. He’s now sickened by his own abilities and seeking to hide, to find a new person other than the one he was. He’s trying to write his way to freedom, all the while avoiding his own history that’s written into every part of his person.

     Cass presents an easy out, a friend-with-benefits that’s a bridge between his old life and a new one. Cass is a wealthy Class-C who’s parents hid her ability since she was the only child, and heir, to their pharmaceutical fortune. She’s on a mission to rebel and take hold of her identity, as only a privileged girl can, not understanding the consequences that may follow for a free path. 

     Alice is a Class-C who has lived her life working with a more private sector company, where her empath abilities were combined with drugs to offer high paying clients orgasmic and euphoric experiences without those nasty side effects. When Cass decides to rescue her while at a party on a whim, it’s a whim that thrusts the trio into a collision course. Drug/withdrawal whump. Recovery whump. Some real shitty caretakers, but they mean well. Exploration of not great people getting better together maybe? I control none of my characters please send help

Bakery Box Boy: Della, an older woman in charge of a popular bakeshop in a lakeside New England town is gifted a refurbished Box Boy as ‘help’ by a nosy neighbor convinced it’ll be a good way to help her finally grieve her recently deceased son. Della disagrees, and our poor BB is caught in the middle. Featuring a strong willed tough older woman caretaker, and a Box Boy who’s been refurbished about 3-5 times. God this is from a post from forever ago, but dammit it got too developed to throw away so it’s got at least a few prompts in its WIP folder I’ll get to editing eventually.

[docbe]

I saw something recently about bi people and experience with homophobia/homophobic slurs (e.g. an assumption that they don’t “get” them) and I think we need to rehash the basics again. So, a reminder:

Privilege and discrimination are not derived from identity. Privilege and discrimination are derived from other people’s perception of someone’s identity

We have limited ability to choose our privilege because privilege comes from other people.

So from the perspective of the bi/homophobia topic: to someone who doesn’t personally know them (and occasionally someone who does because that’s the world we live in), a bi person in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender will come across as/appear to be a straight couple. If that same bi person gets in a relationship with someone of the same gender, it will come across/appear to be a gay relationship. People will react accordingly--so someone who’s bi may very well experience homophobia from people assuming  they are gay because they are in a same-gender relationship, and they may also experience straight privilege when they in a straight relationship (aka straight-passing). All of that is entirely dependent on the perception of those outside of the relationship itself.

The same goes for many other fringe examples, like a trans person passing (or a closeted trans person experiencing gendered “privilege” of their assigned gender against their will), white-passing, people with invisible disabilities...many of the difficulties surrounding these circumstances come from the fact that their identity is not necessarily what is perceived (or is only partially perceived). And again, this is because you do not have personal control over your privilege--it is derived from how other people perceive you, and how they react to you based on those assumptions, stereotypes, and prejudices.

In other words, the notion that people “don’t experience” prejudice or conflicts with others and their identity based on temporary passing status is flawed and honestly tends to be rooted in ingroup-outgroup thinking itself. That passing status might not always be in effect, and it might even create problems in itself, such as people assuming a child’s parent isn’t their parent based on skin color, lack of resources or care based on the invisibility of a disability or disorder, or violence towards a trans person who “hid their real gender” (look up: gay panic defense).

In short: no one chooses their privilege, and having a “passing” privilege is not the same thing as being from a privileged group, and also that sort of “you’re not oppressed like WE are” usually betrays a lack of nuanced understanding of what oppression and privilege even are that comes from a fairly self-centered, limited understanding of the topic, so yknow, do listen to ppls’ perspectives but also side-eye that terfy shit when you see it

[grandmascottlang]

tw violence, death, mass shootings, gun violence, please don't read if you're not comfortable with these topics.

You know, something doesn't sit well with me.

The shooting out of Atlanta that happened is completely out of the news now and forgotten about. The police said that it wasn't racially motivated when it's obvious it was.

"Poor shooter, he's a sex addict and was having a bad day so he killed a bunch of people at a place where mainly Asian people go to, no racial motivations or anything." And people wonder why we say ACAB. Anyway, they were quick to dismiss this as a hate crime from being the shooter's motive. Which is really suspicious.

And I lived in ATL for a bit, I was there for school and there was a shooting that happened at party my roommate went to and four people were shot. No one died but it's interesting how when these shootings come about about BI-POC how they're always brushed under the rug or the issue of race is never seen as the main issue. There were multiple shootings that happened in the area around my school where students got shot and injured and the shooter's barely got any flack for it being a hate crime. And it seems as though history is repeating itself again.

And don't get me wrong when I say this, I go to school in Boulder, CO. But when that story made headlines, I was shocked. I didn't even know it was happening when it did. I literally found out from a friend who texted me, asking me where I was, if I was okay, etc. But I find it interesting how police are willing to investing this case "night and day" when one of their own passed away (which is tragic, I'm not saying it's not) and the majority of the victims are white.

In addition, the shooter was immediately charged with the first degree murders of 10 people (rightfully so) and was immediately cast as a villain (rightfully so).

I don't remember when the shooting out of Atlanta sparked so much rage for gun control.

I don't remember basically anything about it. All I remember was during that press conference when the police officers had the nerve to say it wasn't racially motivated and basically defended the shooter by saying that he did it because he couldn't control himself in a place like that. Fucking bullshit.

And that's the problem. The US likes to push this shit under the rug when it doesn't affect white people as much. Like it was the main story for a while, but no one was talking about gun control and gun reform like they are after this shooting. Hell, to an extent, even I'm guilty of this, and for that, I want to say that I am sorry to the Asian and Pacific Islander community.

And we need to fix this issue of only talking about shit after it affect white people.

I don't come from a particularly privileged place as a black, hispanic, sapphic girl. But I am out spoken and willing to talk about shit that I think is wrong in the world.

I believe that gun control is a necessity. I, however, don't think that it should be talked about solely when white people are affected by the laws they created and don't wish to change. We should've been talking about it after Atlanta happened. Not just after Boulder happened.

I'm here to stand with my Asian and Pacific Islander sisters, brothers, and non-bianary siblings because this isn't fair.

Us BI-POC are always being treated as less than and I will not stand for it.

And please, if you're Asian or Pacific Islander and see something you want me to clarify with this post or add, please feel free to let me know! I am willing to learn more and help out whenever I can. This has just been sitting on my chest for a while so.

[bisluthq]

You know what I hate? When queer events exclude "straight presenting couples". My uni's lgbt union was having a virtual homecoming and said me and my partner couldn't come because we're "straight-presenting" (both bi, but a woman and a man). And my trans friend and her boyfriend couldn't come either. It bothers me so much that there's a "right" way to be queer. Anyway, sorry for ranting I needed to let it out. We're doing our own event as revenge!

Look I think there’s value to saying straight passing couples do have privilege and relative safety and that’s a complex and important discussion (bi women are second most at risk for interpersonal violence after trans women and I wonder how often that comes at the hands of het men) but gatekeeping is not the answer. Like who arbitrates who is and isn’t queer? Who gets to decide?

I do also get the frustration on the part of the organizers sometimes because especially when you’re younger it’s confusing when people say they’re queer but seem to do it only for attention. Like I’m not gonna lie uni era me gatekept a lot like I would regularly bitch about girls who called themselves bi and didn’t seem to ever date other women and kinda seemed to do it for attention or aesthetics. There was also a person who was - in hindsight - super into me because they kept making like jokes about us dating and I kept being like “lmao you’re a straight girl shut up” and from the vantage point of the present I know they were enby and queer af and I also understand why we fell out because I was causing harm and hurting them.

So that former friend of mine coming out kinda jolted me out of my “ffs straightz who bait and make these jokes are soooooo annoying and fuck straight girls who try to act fruity to be interesting” era. I mean those do exist, I’m looking at u Di Silvers, but at the end of the day it’s not for me to decide that.

Like at a certain point I realized that I’m not in charge of deciding who is and isn’t queer enough, that sexuality is fucking complicated and that if people take time to figure shit out or try out different labels for size it’s okay.

I’m glad y’all are hosting your own queer af event for anyone who wants to join. That’s powerful and beautiful. Y’all are very valid and very queer. Well done for standing up for this 🏳️‍🌈❤️

[alexiaugustin]

Hey, I’m just curious cause I’m never considered it before and I don’t want to be casually biphobic! Your Adam Blue post has me thinking. If a ship between a man and a woman where only one of them is bi/pan/queer is not called a straight ship, what are they called? Are they called a queer ship? I understand a bi man and bi woman dating aren’t the same as a cishet man and cishet woman, cause unlike them they experience discrimination and biphobia and homophobia too, but a bi man and a straight woman? Is that a queer couple? Cause that’d technically mean Tiff and Max are also not a straight ship since only one of them’s cishet? I know Max being trans impacts them cause they don’t have the same privileges as two cishet people, but should we call Max and Tiff queer then? Or at least not straight? I don’t know who Adam and Blue are, I follow for Skam stuff so that’s why I’m talking about them, and I don’t want to be biphobic accidentally. Hope you understand what I mean 😅😅 I only recently realized I wasn’t straight so I’m still learning ❤️

hey anon, thank you for asking so respectfully and yeah i definitely understand what you mean!!💓

first of all to answer your question about tiff and max; as far as we know both of them are straight and are only attracted to members of the opposite gender which means that they're a straight couple. however, they're not a cishet couple as the term cishet takes both sexuality and gender identity into account and max is trans and not cis gendered so as you rightfully pointed out their relationship is not the same as the relationship of two cis gendered people. (also the term queer does include trans people/ gender identities but im not sure if it's that commonly used? as im cis gendered myself i really don't want to speak over trans people here so everyone feel free to add on to this post and/or correct me)

about m/f couples where one or both partners are bisexual to be completely honest until you sent this ask i had never even checked if there's a term other than either calling those relationships 'gay' or 'straight' relationships so i just did and you could actually just call it a 'mixed-orientation relationship' tho (obviously lol) i've never used that term myself. i guess the reason why i find it way more problematic to call these relationships 'striaght' relationships is because it a) plays into the false belief that bisexual people pick a side when they get into a relationship and are either gay or straight depending on whom they are in a relationship with and it just erases their identity and b) indicates that oppression for bisexual people starts and ends with a relationship. it's obviously super stupid to assume that being in a m/f relationship means that bisexual individuals are suddenly not opressed anymore and don't face biphobia and/or homophobia anymore. I would really recommend reading this article on The Myth of Bisexual (and Straight-Passing") Privilege if you want to read more about this topic.

especially when we're talking about fictional couples i don't think that when we call a f/m relationship where one or two ppl are bisexual or mga queer that it takes much time to just explain that we're not talking abt a mlm or wlw relationship but that it doesn't make the representation any less good. if we're taking skamverse couples for an example the first one i can think of is alexia/arthur where alexia's identity as a bisexual women definitely wasn't suddenly erased just because she was in a relationship with a man and it even was part of their conversations so as a bi women i still felt very much represented by alexia, positively as well as her struggles when for instance in s3 her boyfriend (forgot his name lol) asked her if she was up for a threesome or when Arthur outed her without her consent to his parents in s5. (apart from that i absolutely hated how alexia was treated in both of her relationships and definitely don't wanna praise these writers for shit- they very clear hated her).

irl i would honestly just ask people what they are the most comfortable with, i know bi women who are in relationships with men who refer to their relationships as straight so obviously im not speaking for all bi ppl here.

anyways, thank u a lot for your ask i really liked spending some time thinking abt all of this and im so happy for you that you recently found out that you're not straight- if you have any other questions my inbox and dms are always open💓

[colorisbyshe]

Your post about the SAM the other day that mentioned academia as part of the problem... you're so right. I read a few social science journal articles about asexuality and here is what jumps out at me: researchers are getting all their participants from AVEN, who repeat AVEN lingo re: the SAM, then this gets published as 'facts' and now people who believe the SAM can point at these published articles and say 'SEE?' It's insidious.

Whats worse is when they quote studies with like zero scientific integrity or do shit like group ALL aces together so they’re like “SEE aces face HIGHER RATES OF SEXUAL ASSAULT THAN STRAIGHT PEOPLE” and you look at it and it includes lesbian, gay, bi, and straight aces all in one lump and it’s like... well... yeah cause LGB people have higher rates of sexual assault. Not to mention it doesn’t study when the sexual assault happened, which means it excludes the possibility of sexual trauma leading to someone to identify as ace.

My fave was the study on HYPOTHETICAL job discrimination where they asked like... college students if they thought aces MIGHT be discriminated against at work.

This is why I shy away from the lure of ~ethos~ in any LGBT topic because a. anyone can publish a study (and in fact a lot of studies published online on easily accessible websites are just undergrad projects for like polisci/soc 101) and b. getting far in academia doesn’t require being right, it just requires either writing well, memorizing shit, or being manipulative lol.

Not to mention... academics disagree with each other all the time? There are essays made as rebuttals to other essays which were made to rebuke the findings of a survey which was made to make a point against a news segment they saw before passing out once.

I’m not pushing some anti-intellectual “Fuck all academic writings, it has no value whatsoever” type shit, like, there’s value to studies that have come to the same conclusion when applied multiple times. There’s value in educated perspectives.

But in softer sciences, especially those around marginalized identities... shit tend to float to the top, especially since those departments/conventions/publications are often run by cishets or depend on cishet funding. Takes that reaffirm preexisting power structures and don’t rock the boat and come from more privileged voices always, ALWAYS excel in ways radical, controversial, and marginalized takes don’t.

Not to mention takes that are “mean” are often immediately shut down. The same way most of the BLM articles you’ve seen on facebook from your white friends are “gentle reminders uwu to not be racist uwu” or “Yeah fuck the police but not ALL of htem I’m sure we can reform” or whatever else. Whereas truly radical takes get smothered, whitewashed, reframed, or manipulated (”when I say defund I don’t actually mean DEFUND just like cut 5% of their budget teehee”).

Media matters n that it has impact. But the media, academia, and all that shit that gets pushed to the forefront and therefore remains the most visible is often non-controversial (unless looking for clicks) and often not reality-checked or even fact checked because the preson eventually publishing the skimmed down version dooesn’t even know what to be looking out for.

That’s why I’m completely disinterested in “X GROUP LOVES ACES!” or “THIS TWO PARAGRAPH STUDY ABSTRACT SAYS WE’RE OPPRESSED NOW” or whatever. What matters is the boots on the ground.

I care more about my gay friend across town’s real life experinece than I do about “what if hypothetically aces were oppressed and could say some slurs if they wanted to.”