#like that doesnt make any sense! and the whole putting peoples lives on the line for a book that is known!!! for getting tampered with

[jeepers-scoob]

Just a lil vent post bc this is also my diary when I can't get myself to actually write

How to explain that hearing and reading about some of the awful shit that is happening makes me feel physically sick and so frustrated bc so much of the hate filled rhetoric and actions literally make no sense and it's all so hypocritical and everything always seems so messed up but at the same time we are doing better than previous generations (you couldn't pay me to live anytime earlier) and it's so amazing seeing how we can help each other and what we are willing to do for others and knowing that it can get better but the problem is that it doesn't make me feel less sick about the bad without sounding wacky and/or ungrateful

[lyss-sketchbox]

(To start, I've been enjoying reading your and folks' various perspectives on Natlan, it's interesting to see different breakdowns/thoughts)

I do have a theory on the flippancy though, and I may very well be horribly wrong, but I suspect it's intentional. The whole nation is being taught, more or less, that this war they're fighting is a game. It's fine if you die, we'll bring you back. It's fine if you fight the Abyss, we do it all the time. And yet. We see that folks' Ancient Names can be lost and not recovered, that you can't fully recover from Abyssal corrosion, and that hey, actually, Kachina is a terrified kid when we see that projection of her. It may even be part of why the nation is struggling so much with creating their Contending Fire. I also think Mavuika plays into this narrative.

Primarily, I think (or maybe just hope) her overconfidence is going to be her hubris. Traveller expresses concern about the time she has to gather the warriors and she's non-plussed, "eh, I trust the Wyob". She's got A Plan and it's going to work, according to her. But I dunno about that ma'am. She also says weirdly definitive statements that I don't think are fully accurate like "humans can't know their fate" and "the only thing that unites the Fatui are collecting the gnoses" that lead me to believe she puts full stock in her conclusions as soon as she feels she has an answer and doesn't exactly question any further.

Honestly? It would be nice if they set up this whole thing of the nation being so casual and Traveler buying into it only to tear it, crashing down, around everyone. How long can the nation avoid taking things seriously before everything comes to a head? (Perhaps why Capitano isn't interested in brute-forcing things overall? Or maybe I'm giving him too much credit, lol)

What an interesting take, genuinely

So Mavuika

It would definitely play the part of being a pyro archon and how pyro vision holders are often extremely confident and high spirited. It would make sense if the pyro archon embodies that kind of value.

This also lines up with what the previous anon said about how she wanted to be reincarnated because its HER plan and she wanted to see it through even if it means offing herself early.

(I dont remember the ending dialogue was i did it all at like 4 am so yeah please fight me on my takes)

She also seems very quick to make MASSIVE decisions like using a good chunk of her power to keep the Contending Flame alive right then and there even with the concerns of some people. Then she was just as quick to burn all the mementos gathered for centuries when the group sent to find Kachina didnt make it.

I feel like maybe she couldve waited before keeping the Contending Flame alive. And while the Contending Flame IS more importang than a single girl, based on the time we spent in the Night Kingdom. It doesnt... feel all that long. She couldve waited. Use her power to save us. Rest for a while then fan the Contending Flame. Saving us from the Night Kingdom didnt feel like a permanent loss of power while keeping the Contending Flame alive does.

To be honest, she IS human, WAS human before archonhood. Shes been human TWICE now due to her reincarnation. I can understand humans wanting to prove to higher powers and beings such as fate that they CAN hold power over themselves. But being human, being NATLANIAN means she has worshipped to Wayob as well at some point. Hence putting her faith more into them and their ancient names.

The Plot of Natlan

I will admit here that i am biased and there is only 2 acts so far. For all i know theyre still setting up the chekovs guns and they may pop oh so beautifully in late acts and i am too harsh on the set up acts.

But i can understand if the people of natlan has been trained their entire life to numb themselves of the true horrors of war. Because they live constantly in it, if they are in constant fear, it is not good for morales or the ancient name holders either.

And if they were written to be so chill so that hoyoverse can pull the rug under us even harder then well good on them because i will be COMPLETELY honest.

I cannot see them pulling this without making it cliche or shallow.

Because we all already know SOMETHING is gonna go wrong. The abyss will reach natlan. The contending flame will die. The 6 heroes will reawaken and help Mavuika fight off the abyss for good. We know it will happen. The only issue is how to get there and how to not make it cliche as fuck.

Because for one they pulled the anime training montage for Kachina where we get told she is actually really good, she has been training so hard with Mualani but we literally dont get to see or feel it. But oop she defeated mualani.

They pulled the power of friendship when Mualani talked back to lector in the night kingdom.

They already spoiled how Ororon was the traitor because HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO CAPITANO IN THE TRAILER.

It feels way too messy for me, way too unserious and uncoordinated both in game and advertisement materials. I almost feel like capitano, 1st of the fatui harbinger, probably shouldnt have been responsible for natlan because dude can out espionage them (or maybe natlan and capitano are both as equally uncoordinated who knows).

Well for NOW i think they have a generic base plot. I would be very willing to declare how wrong i was about natlan if act 3-5 managed to fucking mindblow me. But yeah as you can see i am not hopeful that hyv have half the brain you have about the plot.

[mossmotif]

vampire!nanami is plaguing my mind rn. he gets bitten but doesnt even fully realize he's been turning into something a little farther from human for the past week.

he pins it down as some sort of overly punishing cold, a stomach bug working hard enough to have him call in sick from work for the very first time. all of a sudden his room is never dark enough and the pain in his neck is no longer throbbing; but he has to tell his boss to switch him over to the nightshift and there's something new building in his stomach, something that only grows at the sight of you.

at first, nanami would only rarely see you in the office, half asleep as you gathered the things at your desk and began to finally head home when coworkers were just beginning to settle in for the day. you're always slumped against the metal of the elevator, hardly able to keep yourself up in your brief moments of pause. he'd catch a glimpse of you before the doors would slide close, practically tipping over like a cut down tree.

now he and you somewhat share the same schedule. it's nauseating. a month into this and the proximity of the elevator is still too much to deal with. nanami had expected to adjust to this eventually, once he finally put two and two together and decided to address the odd sharpening of his teeth and senses. he isn't the type to let something like this get in the way of his life, so he heads to work, he gets things done, and he tries to remember to breath more evenly when he catches a particularly strong wave of whatever it is about you that drives him crazy.

nanami isn't one to lose his composure. there are other people in this office that work closely to him, that lean over him to point something out on his pc, that pat him on the back encouragingly when they see him making his first coffee of the night. not once does is he ever swallowed by the need to clutch these people in his hands and find out what's underneath their skin. sure, there's a curiosity, the natural type that he assumes comes with this sort of thing; but its one he's always been able to dismiss easily. blood can be substituted and he's more than content with that if it means he can continue living through life as normally as possible.

but there's a certain satisfaction that must be intimately tied into you, one that his body screams at him for trying dissolve. it's so juxtaposed from his normalcy that he isn't sure what to do with it.

he could change the timing of his leave from work, head into the elevator after you, but there's almost this unspoken routine now, and the last thing nanami needs is you thinking he's deliberately attempting to avoid you. although, a deeper, more twisted, part of him wants to maintain this small sample of you.

he eats, and tries to sleep, complains about work, reads when he finds the time, checks in with friends whenever they reach out, wears his reading glasses despite his vision getting better, and thinks about making plans to travel. these are small reasons for living, enough to keep him going. it wouldn't feel right to go about it any different way.

when you speak to him for the first time, the world feels like it's being violently torn apart.

the work day has ended for the both of you, dawn is much too close to rising and overtime is unfortunately a normalcy for you. you worked especially hard tonight. there's a bit of paleness to your skin and the whites of your eyes have been tinged pink. per usual, you're slightly slumped against the wall, hand brushing against the cold metal bar lining the thick panels.

he feels your eyes brushing over him tonight, they pause at his hands.

"was rain forecasted for today?" you ask. you're referencing the black umbrella in his hand.

"i have a long commute from here," he replies. which isn't a lie, but it isn't the whole truth either. today was forecasted to be incredibly sunny, not a cloud in sight.

your eyebrows raise, "you seem like the prepared type. that's a good thing." he doesn't know why you feel the need to clarify.

the doors open and nanami realizes his ears aren't ringing, rather it's just the intercom telling him his on the ground floor and that it was time to get off. you don't rush to leave him, no, you walk with him outside. you don't question why his umbrella is already open, though you do dare a glance up at the sky before eyeing him sneakily. the sun is rising and the streets are already busy with cars and people.

"rest well, nanami. and decent job at work today." you smile at him slightly, it's a bit tight at the corners. he wishes he could press the fatigue out of you.

"only decent?" he asks. its safe banter. your choice of words, even with only having spoken to you briefly, are deliberate sounding, almost like hooks in the water. so much purpose behind them. nanami's grip on the handle of the umbrella tightens. this is too much. he should leave this alone.

"being anything more than that would be insulting in this line of work, wouldn't it?" you laugh dryly, it shouldn't sound so tasteful.

he smiles, only slightly, he won't flash teeth. "ah well, decent job to you too. and rest well."

you lighten a little in the sun, brightening at his words.

he makes the mistake of breathing in too deeply once you've turned away. he smells it above anything else, the liquid pumping in your veins matches the heat of his.

nanami draws blood from his own cheek and reminds himself to take a very cold shower once he gets home.

[gothibara]

Okay, so related to that one post abt somebody with plant powers not really being able to control ibara, how DO you think she sees the world?? Like to be honest i live your interpretation of her quirk and could read a whole book on it. You said it was kinda translated right? so how would she expreince her senses then??

Haha, thats a really good question! Ive actually been reading a book on plant perception lately (What A Plant Knows, by Daniel Chamovitz) so while i cant say i definitely know everything, its helped put things into perspective. also for the sake of Not Being Buzzkills obviously horikoshi didnt think abt this its just hc im using canon to supplement and draw conclusions dont be silly

also um. im putting this under a cut because it really is a book's worth of meta. i got really excited.

But i think, from how we see Ibara, a large part of it is going to be filtered through religious experiences+delusions. It already seems like how she talks and understands thing is subconsciously put through this filter (i dont think shes calling shishida "apocalypse beast" out of spite or to be inflammatory-- there is religious theory that the beast of gevaudan may have been god-sent, albeit this theory is rare and far from widely accepted. Ibara doesnt seem to follow any specific doctrine, though, and i really think parts of it are just kinda her brain drawing connections in line with her deeply personal beliefs as opposed to dogma. To her it may just be that she believes theyre saying the same thing in essence, while he does not)

But on the topic of sensory experiences specifically, I would also say that Ibara is experiencing exponentially higher levels of sensory input than most people, so i cant blame her for being a space cadet. And while the fainting is an anime-only gag presumably to show her delicate sensibilities or whatever i personally am choosing to interpret it as an incredibly reasonable consequence of her brain hitting the limit. Like cut the cameras im OUT!!! It's documented frequently in the history of religious ecstasy and other spiritual experiences, so adding an assload of input i can imagine only heightens your chance.

And so onto your question about how that manifests-- its hard to say! But i have a few ideas.

Firstly, i think we should address what the plant is perceiving, and how. In a base function, we can say that they respond to stimuli in certain forms (light, sound, smell, balance, touch, etc) which loosely correlates with our own senses. They differ in the organs used, though, but Ibara having a centralized animal brain both simplifies and complicates it.

Plants don't "see" pictures-- they have sensory cells dedicated to seeing both light and different wavelengths of light (which helps control their circadian cycle and even flowing schedule! Even a small disruption of flashing a certain color light during the night can allow farmers to delay or change when certain plants flower), but these arent rods and cones connected to an optical nerve connected to a brain. But at the same time, they... ARE connected to a brain.

I think for Ibara, plant sight is like a murky, back-of the mind addition to her normal range of vision. It's not a picture the same way her Eyes work, but she knows intuitively theres light, shadow, and colors around her, and can focus in on it a little more if she tries. Details and motion that doesn't block light wouldnt be part of it-- the plant can only see what blocks light covering it or reflects light onto it. Ever-periphery flashes of shadowy shapes and colors. (and conversely: i think the prayer pose, with eyes closed and hands clasped makes it easier to focus on the information filtering through)

sound is also different-- while the studies about plant growth and music are bunk, plants do react to sound. the mechanics of it are still heavily under-explored, but we know they do, just so long as its sound that may be relevant to a plant, like running water or insects chewing. I don't think Ibara could do what Hawks does-- where he can focus in on sounds through his wings and hear conversations. The vines aren't a dedicated sensory organ, they just communicate signals back that are of relevance. She may KNOW there's sound somewhere, but it's background noise until it's something that triggers a response. The question is really what would be deemed important enough to do so.

See, the thing with plants is that they don't have emotions, or even a centralized brain, as we've established. Animals can and do. humans especially. Things deemed important by a person can be important for a variety of reasons, beyond just survival. While Ibara uses the vines as an extension of her limbs, it doesn't change the built in systems of stimuli response the plant has, but the plant isn't a brain in the sense that it will decide anything. So the question of What Ibara Hears from the plant is an interesting one. Personally, I don't think she hears the sounds "as is". Ibara doesn't HEAR insects chewing, because the cells are communicating a stimulus and response, so it would be an interpretation of the response. Sort of a plato's cave issue-- I think ibara may say she "hears omens of danger" or "tidings of great joy", but it's not like she's being told a Coherent Thought By The Vines. it's sound of water = good = we are safe and can find safety + an avidly catholic teenager = the angels bring tidings of joy. it's thing she "hears" but doesnt hear because its never actually touching her own aural organs or nerves. She may not be able to pinpoint what the sound itself is, just what it evokes or what her brain fills the gap in as, like talking.

Taste and smell are both something plants do, but defined slightly differently, as we associate these things with specific nerves in the human body that plants Dont Have. to define it the way my book does, we're going to say "taste is the reception of chemical signals through touch" and "smell is the reception of chemical signals dispersed through the air". and plants do taste, and taste one another-- many parasitic plants show preference for certain species, like the dodder vine. other vines, especially those that climb, will avoid climbing their own species because they know that the support is unstable. this is something they figure out by the chemicals they release onto their surface. This is something that would really be tightened up by ibara having an actual real world plant on her head but trust me trying to find anything that matches is a mess. more on that in a bit. but we know, in theory, she can "taste" other plants, and maybe even other type of similar compounds through these vines, which i think would then also manifest in at least a vague idea of a taste in her mouth-- once again, platos cave of sensation, although honestly its probably a bit more in line with what the actual thing would taste like. (tomatoes, for example). this taste may also correlate with a signal that associates emotionally, but ill touch on that in the pain part of this.

Smell is similar- once again, just detected through the air instead of touch. (The smell of cut grass? An airborne danger signal. Ibara probably can't stand being around freshly-cut lawns, it must feel like a giant panic attack. How this would manifest? Not sure! The smell of blood? As a sound instead? It's hard to say what could compare to the scope of fear that kind of flood would cause). I won't go into depth since it's the same as above, but I would also like to add carbon dioxide as a mention. Plants can detect levels of CO2 (and it can decide how they photosynthesize!) in the air, and I think because for Ibara, photosynthesis has to be accelerated (due to the faster growth and usage of energy being more akin to that of an animal instead of a plant) and she and the plant share an exchange of signals and nutrients.

I'm going to diverge briefly into the realm of digestion and nutrition. Firstly because I love it. Secondly because it will circle back to our carbon dioxide talk.

Ibara's vines are, as we see, leafless. This is quite relevant. Leaves, as most people know, are responsible for the majority of photosynthesis. While chlorophyll in any parts of the plant can photosynthesize, leaves are by far the most effective way thanks to the broad surface area and certain specializations. Leafless plants (especially in the case of vines) tend to be parasitic. Plants that evolve photosynthetically-inefficient leaves tend to be carnivorous, which I would like to explore a little.

A plant is defined as carnivorous if, typically, it shows a form majorly inclined towards having prey-trapping mechanisms, and receives a substantial amount of nutrition from doing so. They tend to grow in areas that have high sunlight and water levels, but with incredibly nutritionally deficient soil. Nutrients like nitrogen, phosphorous, and proteins, which are found in meat (bugs included)

Now, Ibara's vines don't have visible roots, so I think it's safe to assume the root system is within her body, and goes deep below the surface. Water, nutrients, and neurological signals all need to be shared; and so I think her entire body is connected to this root system. Ergo, all the nutrition the plant gets that isn't photosynthesized comes from what Ibara digests-- which is also why I don't personally subscribe to the vegan or vegetarian Ibara headcanon-- because nitrogen and phosphorous are INTEGRAL to stem growth, and baby, she's all stem. In fact, I think she probably loves meat-- second only to bread, which provides long-term energy in the form of complex sugars. I personally think Ibara would dislike sweets in the traditional sense of candy and desserts outside of winter-induced cravings from a drop in photosynthesis, but that would be because the sugars her vines produce for her already maintain a decent level of homeostasis, so it would cause her blood sugar to spike and make her feel ill. Conversely, bread breaks down and is stored much more long term, so it would both benefit her and the plant, which is inefficient at photosynthesis compared to a plant of the same size with leaves, and would need a boost given how much energy it uses to grow, detach, and move.

I know this girl can put away a MEALLLL after training. Yaomomo style.

I think you could argue Ibara (and her quirk) qualifies as a carnivorous plant. Her vines lack leaves and instead have developed extensive thorns (which can be a type of modified stem-- its complicated and varies plant to plant), and we never see them branch off of each other, so they may not even be capable of developing stems. She also doesn't appear to have any flowering mechanism (nor does she need one!), although I will say I'm a sucker for the idea of Ibara having psuedo-blossoms that aren't functional flowers, but rather an indicator of health. Either way, the heavy focus on the vines for strength, complex movement, and grasping through pointed extrusions makes me think you could convincingly argue that they are the "trapping mechanism", which is a requirement for carnivorous plants.

So, once again, we've established that there's a complex nutrient exchange both from Ibara to the vines, but from the vines to Ibara. And because of this, I think there's an added level of complexity to her digestive system-- specifically regarding the stomach's direct connection to the brain. Just like her own nutritional needs can trigger certain responses like in any person, but the plant probably has the same access to these hormone signals. Things like craving sugar and being irritable in winter because of the inability to produce her own as much, but also conversely, I think the plant can trigger a digestive response to prepare for the influx of sugar being photosynthesized. A "heads up, we're about to start sending this your way" to help maintain proper levels.

So, back to carbon dioxide finally. When plants detect higher carbon dioxide levels in the air, they may photosynthesize more. This may result, in my opinion, to "phantom smells" and a trigger to the digestive system, resembling how our own mouth waters when we smell food. Whether it's just an ambiguous food smell or one specifically (maybe bread?) to Ibara I'm not sure, but what I'm saying is that if Bakugou's explosions over the course of an hour can produce about the same amount of carbon dioxide as an entire person throughout one day, she probably thinks he smells fucking delicious and for no reason why. It's funny to me.

Ok! On to touch. I think it's obvious that Ibara's vines react to touch and that's transmitted to her, given how she knows that she's found someone and is pulling them out in JTA. Plants definitely can feel touch, and respond, but I'd like to note that plants can't feel pain. They don't have the ability to feel pain. They can react to adverse touch, certainly-- for example, grass releasing their smell when cut, but they don't feel pain. It's solely for survival, and feeling pain isn't really important for a relatively stationary being. Nor do they really have the factor of emotional association with pain that typically is bundled together. But in the case of Ibara; who, once again, has the burden of the complex mammalian brain... maybe she does feel pain, even if it's not "real"! It likely has to do with whether she has the expectation of and emotional association of fear/pain/etc, so simply cutting away the vines aren't likely to make her hurt. But I don't think phantom pain is out of the question, especially for someone already as high-strung as Ibara and who has so many wires crossing at so many times because of the nuance of the signals transmitted from cell to cell.

And related to touch... a fascinating and storied study in plants includes gravitropism and proprioception, or-- balance and how they know what's up and what's down! People have incredibly complex proprioception systems (most people know about the inner ear, but it goes far deeper than that!), and plants, too, make use of this ability. In fact, it's integral for plant growth.

Plants have two main mechanisms for gravity sensing. The root caps, and then in the stems, the endodermis (which is also responsible for osmosis in cells, sorta) both have genes that develop statoliths, similar to the otoliths we have in the inner ear. These statoliths tell the plant which way gravity is pulling. The root caps make roots grow down, the endodermis makes the shoots grow up.

I think for Ibara, her vines have become an extension of her own balance and ability to know where she is in space. Losing all of them suddenly would result in something similar to a damaged ACL-- having to readjust and being wobbly for a while. Not only that, but I think quirks that impact someone's sense of balance would seriously waste Ibara. While Ibara does move her vines in more ways than up and down, the ability to tell what's what still relies on the individual cells in the stems and roots. While Ibara would still be able to produce the growth hormone and self-amputating mechanisms that detach her vines (i have to look more into this, honestly-- autotomy has only been recorded in one type of plant, and even with abscission ibara's vines dont follow typical patterns. smh my head.), there would be little if any control over the movement, especially if the balance reduction hits the endodermis in more ways than one, because that would impair the hydrolic movement that causes movement in plants.... Either way, Ibara's quirk would be rendered functionally useless. Deidoro Sakaki has this one. And in my opinion, with Uraraka's quirk, they would grow, but wouldn't show proper gravitropic bending, and so may also be impaired in their ability to perform actions.

And I think a complete removal of Ibara's vines would honestly feel like... overwhelmingly suffocating? Imagine having so much of the senses you're used to having cut off, it's probably incredibly jarring and upsetting. I don't think she would prefer it to the every day life she lives, because it seems like she's generally not that impeded by her own world view and strict standards, even if others oppose it (OCD queen lets go #1).

So...as a TLDR; I think Ibara experiences normal human sensory input, she just has another layer that bleeds into it. While I often refer to the plant separately in the above, that's solely for clarity of biological mechanic explanations-- they're one and the same, the same way we started reproducing mitochondria despite their likely beginning as a different organism. She may see things that aren't there (like in the case of warning signals from other plants, or in her mental translation of all sorts of things), "hear" things in her mind, smell or taste or even feel pain... while the mechanics aren't the "real" ones we associate with the senses in question, she's still reacting to stimuli she is receiving, and I think she's learned to adapt to it. It's hard to explain, because it almost has a sort of eldritch feel... but really, Ibara is Ibara, she's a bit stubborn and translates everything into her world view, and so that determinative personality probably helps streamline the constant influx of information. Angels, music, emotions, memories-- those are things she assigns to the experiences, but they are no less validated by the biological machinations behind them. Human survival also relies on our ability to feel and the more complex machinations of the brain, the social advantages of more refined expressions and speech, and Ibara's just as human as her classmates, and her quirk ultimately is another part of that, even if we know the individual cells of the plant are without that same neurological function.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

@musicalisotope hi im going to. make this a post instead of a reply sorry i have a lot to say on this.

aru sekai is a really. obtuse series. none of its going to make much sense on its own. if it does i need u to share ur brain with me. anyway,

i think if u want to start anywhere i'd say either aru sekai shoushitsu, marshall maximizer, or laboratory.

aru sekai shoushitsu is the very first song its really long & theres so much in it & it sounds like nonsense by itself, however its a pretty complete summary of the whole plot. if u get lost once u hit the fuu lines & after dont worry about it we dont have the context for those yet. it's a lot to take in but once u move onto the other songs it all starts to click together like oh shit thats what that meant. it IS a lot tho. its also the most objective song of all of them; the rest are very subjective to their respective characters' views

marshall maximizer is of course the most popular song but thats not why im saying it. im saying it because it's the first time the concept of losing one's self/ego is really expanded on & thats a very very big part of the narrative. the lyrics it might be harder to pick up on that but the text in the background talks about it in a more direct way. its subjective to the chara's pov but it does a good job of establishing that "person" vs "thing"(no longer a person) concept. important to note this character is only an observer of that.

laboratory is similar its that same major concept of those who are still "people" vs those who arent any more. the difference here being its her experience as she crossed the line between the two. its a lot more direct than the other songs & its pretty easy to see the whole weight of the scenario & because of that it really helps put the severity of the other songs into place.

as for the others theyre very subjective & its a little harder to figure out whats going on. but in short kyuuyaku hankagai establishes its not just a personal risk & its a very long repeating event, shuuen touhikou is mostly to answer the question "well what if they gave up & didn't face the problem", oumen mokushiroku is overall that its pointless to take huge risks to themselves beyond the obvious, unplanned apoptosis is actually showing how the "doing things for yourself will save you" concept works, kanon gets into how precise their work has to be to get anywhere among other things, kugutsu ashura is a wall of words idk why u would ever start there its also weird bc she doesnt seem to be affiliated with the rest of them? an outsider forced to endure the consequences i think. i still have to dissect this one more for sure, & the new one yamete kudasai is kind of similar to laboratory but it shows more of the reasons people are pushed to the point of losing themselves.

there are. a LOT of very small easy to overlook details across all the songs. theres no one way to progress through the story since all the songs build off each other & show off different aspects of the plot & world they live in. & u also have to take into account not all of them are reliable narrators (im staring at the unplanned apoptosis girl in particular). theres also a LOT of details we still need expanded on to get the full picture but i think we're going to get more side context songs before magu moves onto to the fuu song to continue the order in aru sekai shoushitsu. the text in the background of songs that have it is also a major part of the story u cant just skip over it if you're trying to figure out whats going on. (this includes kanon. the original tweet with the decode was taken down but i still have the text saved.... somewhere. i will get that for anyone that wants it. very brief but it gives a glimpse of what the start of a retry looks like as well as why theyre in the situation in the first place)

VERY few people keep up with it as a series most people i see just think the songs sound good & leave it at that so i dont blame u if u do the same but its a very intricate story if u have the time & patience to work it out

also small side note magu's said all the charas have names but theyre a secret until later so they have to have some relevance with whats going on. it'll be a very interesting reveal for sure. we think theres 2 names in aru sekai shoushitsu (saginuma hisame & layla) but we dont know for sure who they are or if theyre even any of the girls in the songs. (best guess is the the shoushitsu chara & kyuuyaku chara respectively). thats not super important to know rn tho. also aru sekai series is a fan given name based on the first song since magu has never once talked about the contents of the series outside of what we get in the songs. (unless directly asked but theyre vague in their answers)

[leminhthinking]

i just found a bunch of words i wrote (as comments on my own facebook post) right after going to the theater to watch Everything Everywhere All At Once. it ended abruptly because i wanted to do something else that day and forgot to come back but well. this is a way to view Everything Everywhere All At Once taking it as equivalent to Umineko's magic viewpoint

oK WELL. firstly im a regret fueled multi timeline eeaao truther, because the multi timeline concept when portrayed as created by choices doesnt sit right with my brain and from this lens everything makes sense to me. because as timelines created by randomness, it feels so heartless and pointless; while the idea, the very message eeaao's trying to convey is exactly the opposite of that. theyre all regrets. just like when Evelyn told Waymond she saw a great life without him and she wished he could see it

how i view eeaao is basically

(knowing) everything (the facts - the Shape of the Universe, the one Truth)

(being) everywhere (the pain. the hope - the feelings, the Heart, the Human Part)

all at once (accepting that and continue to live on)

or everything (question arc), everywhere (answer/core arc), all at once (tea party) /hj

that can only make sense when the multiverse isnt something to just. be. something that neglects the people living in it. but also in this way or another way, intended or just described as such shortly after, another name, another portrayal of regrets. not just hm. not just any regrets. personal regrets. for example if you take Evelyn's line to Waymond about her martial arts timeline out of the sci-fi (namely "magic") context, it could be translated to "i regretted marrying you just to live an ordinary life". and i like that view a lot more because framed in this way it actually centers the people more than it seems. that yes nothing matters everything could be different everywhere in time and space but their core remains the same...

also like theres really something about "Jobu Tupaki" (the concept, what is talked about by other people) that is alienated and detached from her "original self" (what is perceived by. well let's say, Evelyn) at the start. how Evelyn wanted to be just like Jobu, as in, having her strength, her power, the reason of her formation, so that she could defeat Jobu. thats an approach that is lack of love - just like the whole verse jumping thing at the start, which was used to get special abilities only. thats like just asking for the "how" only to redo the exact thing, not considering that their positions are so different, not considering that everyone in themselves are different either

just like this, Evelyn's turning the chessboard around, assuming the opponent to be just the same as her, having the same kind of position, the same kind of mindset as her. she's seeing The Truth only as a sequence of actions and not considering the person behind it. i mean, fair. Jobu's talked about like the plague anyway, she's so alienated from the family and detached from "Joy Wang" as a concept

like i said earlier, everywhere is about the very Heart. eeaao's core arc. first half of this is exactly what Evelyn wanted earlier, she got put into Jobu's shoes, understood, but then only felt and acted like Jobu instead of creating any difference. the position changed, from the outspoken "ill defeat her if i become just like her", to the silent "of course she would become this way". Evelyn became numb to every universe shes in, existing for the sake of existing, because existing in itself to her no longer holds meaning if everything is everything and everything changes and everything is meaningless and doesnt matter. personally i feel like thats such a beautifully written tragedy. if nothing really matters, even people with a higher sense of understanding, living life as if theyre on a higher plane of existence, cannot escape such numbness and detachment

like this is not my life. ive lived so many lives. i cannot feel what im supposed to feel because i felt too much, and that emotional energy source had run out on me

this image again:

its so sad to want this then finally have someone who understand you only for them to think hmm theres really no other way

also since were going with the regret fueled multi timeline understanding it is also. knowing that things you regret, if given the chance to happen, would still leaves you with so much pain and other regrets, with just some random specks of happiness. happiness, in that way, does not hold any meaning, if it too shall pass, and replaced by suffering instead. even in a world that doesnt exist, a world you want, a world you aim for, a world youre more than you now, youre still going to suffer as hard as your current world

the second half of everywhere is very frequently talked about so although i really really love it i dont really want to keep repeating what others had said because. yknow. i love the message a Lot but others had made it very obvious. i love being kind i love cherishing feelings despite feeling like living in so many lives. despite regretting so many lives. because every lives are worth living! not just existing aimlessly and throwing away emotions because they dont matter

(this is also the exact approach that i often tell people to read umineko with, although a bit different because its consuming a story and in this case its living. nevertheless, theyre all cherishing your feelings to the fullest, and not neglecting everything to find what is "real" and "true")

so like what i really do want to talk about is the contrast of how Jobu is seen by Evelyn at the start of the movie and at this very point. the keyword is acceptance. with kindness, understanding leads to acceptance, and that very acceptance ties the "Jobu" everyone feared wth "Joy Wang", Evelyn's daughter, together, as they should have always been because theres no Great Evil splitting from Evelyn's daughter, there has always been just Her. the final notes of everywhere resonate with me so much, because then, it finally clicked for Evelyn, and she chose to accept that truth

and i think that acceptance is so so important and what touched me. separating the aspects you dont agree or like from who your loved ones really is, then only love the parts you like hurts them

[dykecherylblossom]

im going a little crazy so im putting it out there: teen beach movie songs for s7 of riverdale.

i mean the teen beach movies are about a) people from our time going to this movie in the 60s and showing how restrictive the time was for some people (the movie mostly focusing on women) and b) the wet side story characters realizing how stuck they are in this loop and having to go along with it (and then in the second one refusing to so the whole movie changes).

i dont think they should do one singular musical episode i think they should just sing shit the whole time like every other episode.

-Like Me: girls/boys sleepover, jughead can do the brady parts cuz hes from the future so he gets the "uhhh what if we respect women" lines. idk who gets the mack parts? maybe veronica cuz shes from a big city but maybe theres another solution.

-Cruisin for a Bruisin: obvious serpent song, they can even sing it at pops to sort of reference that diner they sing at in wet side story.

-Meant To Be: i feel like theres a way to do a betty/archie/veronica cover of this thats about how they are supposed to be with archie cuz thats what the story says.

-Cant Stop Singing: i have no fucking idea who's singing this i just know it would work perfect in a riverdale episode, ideally it would be jughead in the 50s but that just would never happen cole is never singing a whole song alone. it would be fun if he could sing it with tabitha if she also magically remembered but we know she doesnt.

-Silver Screen: in in the s7 that lives in my brain theres a whole episode where they try to travel to their own universe and then accidentally arrive at our universe and realize they are characters and then the riverdale cast (like, the actors not the characters) can sing this for the characters. i dont know if it makes any sense but wouldnt it be super fun.

-Falling for Ya: its not particularly relevant but i love that song and id be willing to watch any of the riverdale girls sing it. I think Veronica would fit.

[bbiya131]

i think today was a great day. and it somehow completely potrays my perfect daily routine without anything going in my way. which, Alhamdulillah, all came from Allah’s mercy that He helped me in each step of mine.

a great weather really, no, REALLY plays a big part in deciding my mood for the whole day. i love cold rainy days. i love listening to rain. i love staring at the rain pouring. sometimes its diagonal to the right, sometimes its to the left, sometimes its not even diagonal, its straight down. sometimes, i picture them as snow. they do look alike. although i know very well snow is basically rain on freezing days. its snow without the bone-chilling cold.

so i put on my shoes, as i step out of my house, it was the after-rain cold, leaves were scattered everywhere, sky was gray, took out my phone hoping to capture the feelings at that moment so i can reminisce it back, to only putting it back down because i know very well the camera lens wont do its justice and enjoying the present is much much better. no single photos were taken. i love it. Subhanallah.

the lines waiting for the train was not long only means the train is operating smoothly. phew. I dont know about train trips actually. Especially on peak hours. its either me keep scrolling my phone down, just mindlessly staring at something, or having so many thoughts running around. the other day when I sent off my dad to ipoh, I had a thought, how convenient Malaysia is, that my dad can travel to the outskirts without having to drive himself. and my thoughts went to, oh no, not just ipoh, you can go to even outside of Malaysia, by taking the train 5 mins from my house, to the airport rail, to the airport, and by airplane, you can go anywhere in the world? that doesnt make sense. its only 5 mins away to everything! then i thought, its crazy how the world is connected, picturing the globe. then it went to “who even built everything??” crazy.

anyway, thanks to the one who built this train, Ive arrived my office safe and sound.

Please dont ask me what is my job. If there’s one question that people hate the most is what is your job? or what do you do? atleast for me. you wont understand anyway, so I’ll just say I work in an IT department. “so you can hack people?” no, i cant.

So i solved our one last problem today, and we can finally Go Live with our system next monday. Go Live or (is it just Live?) is when youre launching your system to the real world. so i did that today Alhamdulillah.

i love my job. i love thinking for solutions and solving problems. its when i solved a problem i’ll be so happy and be as giddly like a little girl. but my job is just a job. i dont define my self, my life, even, with my job. I am someone who has a lot of hobbies, i do so many things at once. i learn, i read, i pray, i watch, i listen, i write. My job? is nothing of me. and i am glad that all of my teammates are like me too. sometimes I am curious of who they are after 6, but its okay, not knowing is a blessing. I love my job because first, it doesnt intefere my life, second it helps in supporting my hobbies.

my after work hours are when I got to be free in doing the things I love, back home, straight to the shower, after isyak, is my playground. If I’m kinda motivated, i’ll study for my korean. If im less motivated, i’ll take other fun alternatives, to read korean novels/poems. or if lesser than that, i’ll just watch youtubes. sometimes, I even got sick of korean i’ll switch to english. cause, my grammar too is rolling downhill. english is not by studying ofcourse, i’ll watch vlogs on youtube. particularly, british ones. i dont like american accent so much so no thank you. not that i have any negative thoughts about it but i just dont like the sound of it.

anyway, other than that, if you dont know me much, i love hanbin, i’ll go on twitter to have updates of him, or maybe if he’s online, i’ll talk to him. in korean, win win. i got to learn too. then maybe listen to his songs. or idk, anything related to him really. is what i enjoy doing lol.

there’s something about him…, ok anyway moving on.

ah, i am not that productive as you think i am, i too have days when i am too lazy to do anything. usually its on bad days. i just lay on my bed with my phones. ugh i hate it. i hate playing my phone so much. one day, i was on my phone the whole day, i literally consumed it, till I felt so so so tired and in a bad mood at the end of day. I really am trying to combat my phone addiction nowadays so i reach out for books. or cooking shows on netflix. hear me out, even if its still on the screen, its not a scrolling motion. its the scrolling motion that i hate. its when i turn on kdramas is when you know i gave up social media. i dont even watch kdramas or movies. and now im watching a series called “celebrity”. exactly.

what was this post for again???

yeah, about my day, great weather, job’s done, had my llaollao that i craved while listening to my colleagues spoilling the Barbie movie, home to my family, im reading Vivy yusof’s book (she’s so funny) lended by my lovey colleague, listened to some jazz lol (blame hanbin), and writing here! thats what i consider a great day.

so, Alhamdulillah for everything. i hope you guys too are having a great day. may Allah ease everything. may Allah bless you. remember Allah in every steps. Be grateful and make zikir! and have a perfect perfect day everyday! 🐥

ps: sanum, blueberries and any other fruits, kitkat bites and any other crunchies, and ovalmaltine as a topping, the best llaollao combination ever. thank me later. msg me if you need a 15% off code.

[beastofhearts]

So.... March of the Machines

Overall I really liked the story even if there were moments when I thought certain narrative elements seemed rushed or had little payoff. I think if this was a saga of books with time and space to explore each plane defenses, the angels power, the characters on themselves and phyresia/phyresis, then most of its problems would disappear. But we did not get that and the writer did an amazing job on each of this chapters.

As its difficult for me to put proper order to my toughs with such a massive event happening all at once, i’m gonna go by points under the cut. Spoilers ahead ... also be warned this is very long

1) I liked the reasoning on why Phyrexia was having a harder time in some planes than others and I think there are subtle hints trough the side chapters to see it: they lost the advantage of playing on their home-field and don't know what to expect in most of these planes (+ it play with Norn hubris)

But that doesn't mean Phyrexia was “easily defeated” by any means. A few characters point out that they just bought more time for the planes and that's key in this battle. If given enough time Phyexia would end up winning simply because their numbers are infinite and relentless; they don't get tired and don't require food or drink. Sure, the elder dinosaurs beat down Etali, but Etali WAS an elder dinosaur and got completed regardless...  To me there is never a sense of victory in the side stories -except the last new capenna one-, but one of a respite and a dime hope.

Im also aware that im “trapped” in one or two points of view. So, for example, while Nahiri was defeated and the skyclave broke, Phyrexia’s forces continue to advance over the population in Zendikar. They continue to loose lives, cities and heroes, we just dont see it hapenning (like Omnath and Brimax for example)

2) THAT BEING SAID. I was disappointed we didn't see any of the team ups from the cards. Not only because they look cool as fuck but because they reflect how much of a threat phyrexia IS that unlikely alliances need to be created for a chance of stopping the invasion. 

I dont mind that not all of the “heroes” came to New Phyrexia at the “Avengers” style like many were hoping for. It wouldnt make sense to leave their planes unprotected like that, but we could have had a glimpse of Thalia and the Gilgtrog monster in a side story. Just a quick mention. Something! Its very minor, but I was excited about that.

3) On that same line of tough and maybe even more important to the story... many of our named and biggest foes were defeated in a blink of an eye; seemingly easy and unimportant. Atraxa had a whole chapter where she struggles and rages against the idea of beauty from New Cappenna. It was incredible to read how her phyrexian mind could not wraps something that used to be important to her. I hoped they go somewhere with it....and then she is just crushed under a building.

Listen, I dont mind some random person killing Vorinclex. Sometimes its not the heroes with their might and magic who get the job done, but the ordinary people who step against impossible odds with nothing but their hands. I really enjoyed and cheered on when the Mirrans stepped up to get Wrenn to Realmbreaker because they went from being just “people to be killed to showcase the danger/horrors of the battle” to people who have will and motivation besides staying on the shadow of the planeswalkers. 

So, to me, is not who killed Vorinclex, but how was it done. Why Nissa was having so much trouble with him in “All will be One”, if all she needed was a sword and some distraction? Helliod is another big example here. I would have liked to see more cooperation from the different characters to take them down.

4) Speaking of the praetors... I think Urabrask and Sheoldred should have been bigger in this story. If in-fighting is one of the causes for Phyrexia falling, then this two should be more at the front of it so the ending doesnt look as sudden as it was. I know in “ONE” we see the revolutions and Sheoldred agents fighting in the Basilica but I dont think its enough.

5) Consequences. Consequences. Consequences. What a complicated topic. I saw many people on twitter said that there was no real consequence to the story while others were glad or angry that their favorites were cured or killed off. I’m mostly okay with what we got but i’m afraid of how it will the planeswalkers will handled afterwards.

I liked that Nissa and Ajani were cured from Phyresis after Tamiyo and Lukka were killed. I think it showcases how messy times like this can be and how unjust it can feel. Of course they had to kill them to avoid more slaughter but I wonder if Kaya, Kaito or the Wonderer will ever think about the fact that Tamiyo could have been saved if they just had given her more time. (And I need to mention: I dont like that Tamiyo gets to stay indefinitely as a spirit, I think it takes from the original heart break)

I also like that even if it took Mellira’s life and Karn spark, both planeswalkers still carry the metal as a part of them. They dont simply come back as they were before like nothing happened, its impossible to pretend so. I also think it was smart to use and remove this method from the table (I find it beautifuly ironic that the “Living cure” died after New Phyrexia was sealed away. Her death still hurt so much) ... at least I think it was, since we dont know of any other healer of the same capabilities. 

Im not sure what to say about Jace and Vraska. Like I think they will not be un-compleated but probably wont be in stasis/mind control either. I hope details on what happened with Jace come with Aftermath

And that leaves us with... Nahiri. I hoped she stay in statsis for longer to make Mellira’s and Karn sacrifice more grandiose and significant. But sadly the Aftermath box art confirms that she is alive and walking with not-swords for hands. Like ... I cannot comment because I do not know, but uh WHAT HAPPENED?

Still, I think the destruction Phyrexia caused to multiples planes is enough consecuence for me and we may even get more in aftermath! Not to mention the chance at character exploration this brings. I love to read headcanons after events like this.

Anyway. 8/10 for me!

[cherrytea556]

Catra didnt only want adora - The problem with the original save the cat script

Tw: Abuse and mention of murder

In the original script of 'save the cat', there was a line from horde prime that really bothers me:

Its the part where horde prime says to adora: 'all she ever wanted was you' and fans definitely uses that as catradora content when its just not true in the slightest and it removes the nuance she has just to hype an already toxic ship. First, lets discuss the very second episode of shera in season 1.

We see in this scene, adora offers catra to come with her yet catra rejects. If adora was all she ever wanted, why didnt she come with her on the spot? That wouldnt make sense if catra only wanted adora right? Well, heres where it starts to get interesting:

This is a callback from a previous scene, the scene where shadow weaver uses her electric magic onto catra then threatens to bring adora back. Sure, you can argue that she does only want adora but shadow weaver is holding her back, an obstacle to overcome for her actual wants but if thats the case, why does she actively seeking that obstacles affection if all she ever wanted was adora?

Especially her blaming adora for shadow weaver betraying her, let alone almost destroying the whole planet because of her blaming adora for shadow weaver's favouritism. Why would she if adora was all she ever wanted? Its simple. Given how shadow weaver favors adora more than catra during childhood, shes going to be seeking out shadow weavers affection in hopes she can finally gain the love she was looking for from her abuser. It also explains why she had an attachment to adora.

Adora was catras safety blanket as they made a promise to look out for each other and since shadow weaver told catra that she only stuck around because adora liked her, catra will depend on adora in order to be safe which is also why she hit lonnie when her and adora was being friendly, she was scared that she will get abandoned by adora if she has new friends which means that shadow weaver would dispose her (and with the word disposing, it may imply murder so catras life couldve ended or at least cause her more truama by her having 9 lives) It makes sense why she had attachment to adora, it makes sense why she seeks shadow weavers love, it doesnt make any sense if all she wanted was adora because the show proves otherwise through the exploration of catras character, why she does the things she does. Also theres this moment:

This is where we see catra be truly happy or at least the most prominently happy and it doesnt even involve adora, it was her taking over the crimson waste where shes given respect for her abilities and personality. This also makes sense by shadow weavers abuse/favouritism, catra being the scapegoat who relied on adora for protection to not only be her own leader to people but also be respected when your life was filled with not being respected. But when the show points out that shes truly happy when adora isnt even there despite them originally wanting us to believe she only wanted adora is non sense. Basically, saying catra only wanted adora makes no sense and removes nuance of her character, reducing her to a love interest. Now I know this line wasnt put in the actual show which is good but theres still fans who use it to hype up catradora in which another reason why the line doesnt work is this:

If she wanted adora all along then the ways she done it makes it more disturbing then it already is by those actions alone. I dont even need to explain why because this pic already says enough. Although i will say, she thought adora left her, not the horde (which the horde was the actual reason why adora left) and when she left, she was now unprotected from shadow weaver, feeling betrayed in which caused her to do all of this to adora, along with blaming her for shadow weavers betrayal, the woman she was prominetly searching for love that the woman gives to the golden child/adora. It was from misunderstanding and vegeance, not from love.

Last thing is how its honestly really funny how when the line of catra only wanting adora that removes nuance and misunderstood her character was used by fans for catradora content in which barely anyone on that content called it out yet when people call catra out for her actions, theres many fans in their comment sections who act like they misunderstood her character/remove her nuance just from mentioning the harm catra's done, even saying that they dont know complex characters? So reducing catra as a love interest is fine but god forbid someone mentions catras harmful actions that impact people because they just dont know complex characters? (when the line literally shows how even the show originally didnt know about catra as a complex character) The fact that catra was clearly shown to be the writers favourite but even they didnt understand her originally really shows how season 5 was too focused on catradora happening and even that was shit in the end for how poor catras redemption was if there is any by that confession in the series finale. Just the fact that this line even existed baffles me.

[eloquent-vowel]

I have had a few bucky x read fic ideas bouncing around in my head and i cant write! So here is one,

Sam find a person who stairs and doesnt talk a whole lot because they uses ✨telepathy ✨. So Sam think they would be a good fit for Bucky, but he doesn’t know they have that power he just thinks they are mute. Then there is a thing where the reader is telling Buck how it works and they if they have something to connect them together like an object *reader motions to dog tags* they can have an unbreakable mind link. Then they fall in love or something. This is dumb, thank you for coming to my TedTalk

Hey! Thank you so much for this request, it wasn't dumb at all. I really enjoyed writing this. I may have gotten a bit carried away, this may sit close to 4000 words but we vibe. I hope this is what you had in mind! Please enjoy! <3

Click here for my masterlist of other fics and check in my bio for requests if anyone wishes to ask!

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Bucky had been enjoying a moments peace, he loved working with Sam but sometimes all he wanted was to put his feet up, put on some vinyl and enjoy a good cup of coffee all while reading a brilliant book. He had been trying to get into Game of Thrones lately, on Sam’s insistence, and he had been enjoying it. With the crackles of Glenn Miller from the turntable he missed the clunky footsteps coming up the stairs.

The sight that greeted Sam needed to be photographed. Bucky was lounging back on his ‘old man armchair’ feet up, hair in a towel, in a bathrobe, coffee in hand and facemask on, this was definitely one for the family album.

At the sound of the phone shutter Bucky practically launched himself out of the chair.

“Oh, you are never gonna live this one down old boy, it’s going to haunt you.” Sam almost cackled evilly as he began to email the photo to himself- he had learnt the hard way that Bucky was very proficient at breaking phones.

“You better not upload that photo anywhere, Wilson, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Pfft, reputation, that’s funny.”

Bucky scoffed as he stood up, placing his book carefully on the side table, “Big scary super soldier, people hardly run-in fear from a guy in a bathrobe.”

“I disagree, a man in a bathrobe is definitely something you should run from. AH NOPE!” Sam jumped backwards, on top of a nearby chair, as Bucky lunged for the phone, towel turban falling off in the process. “You are not breaking this phone as well.”

“Fine. But you gotta promise not to post that anywhere.” Bucky huffed.

“I won’t.”

“Good.”

“As long as- “

“Oh no, I’m not doing anything for you.”

“Think of it as payment for the last phone you broke and insurance for this picture.”

There was silence for a moment as the two friends eyed each other up. Sam raised his eyebrows, Bucky’s eyes narrowed. It was an intense staring match between a guy in a bathrobe and a precariously balanced man. A clock ticked.

“Fine.” Bucky conceded. “What do you want?”

“For you to come to a meeting.”

“The families of Veterans ones?”

“Yeah.” Sam slowly started climbing down from the chair. “And before you get your old man pants in a twist, I’m not trying to force you to talk or anything, kinda.”

“Kinda?” Suspicion laced through Bucky’s voice.

“You know sign language, right?”

“Which kind?”

“American? I think?”

“Yeah, I know ASL, might be a bit rusty but I’m sure it still holds up. Why do you ask?”

Sam shifted slightly on his feet, “There’s this person, they come in every week and listen. I tried to talk to them, but they communicate through sign language, and I don’t have anyone there to talk with them.” He cast his eyes to the floor, “I feel bad. They were brave enough to come to the group only to basically be ignored ‘because we didn’t plan well enough.”

Bucky smiled, face mask crinkling around his smile lines, “You could have just asked me to Sam. You didn’t have to blackmail me into this, of course I’ll help. When’s the next meeting?”

“This evening. You gonna be ready or do you need some more ‘me’ time.”

Bucky simply chuckled at Sam’s teasing tone, patted his shoulder making sure to squeeze just a bit too hard before retreating to his room.

“I’ll be there, Wilson, and I will look so much younger than you!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was frustrating to you, going along to these meetings and not being able to communicate. You could always speak into someone’s mind but all that usually accomplished was a very paranoid person. But just listening to other’s stories really helped the grief from losing someone so close to you. You related to most of the people there and even though they didn’t understand you a lot of the time, you were always made to feel welcome- with friendly pats on the back and the odd tissue thrown your way.

You bustled into the familiar building with a new sense of excitement as Sam had promised to bring a translator for you this week. It was finally time to say your thanks to some of the people there and finally let the group know about your brother, so that it wasn’t only you that remembered him.

You all but ran through the hallways until you caught sight of a familiar smiling man. Sam was facing you, talking animatedly to another man, the strangers back was to you. He was tall, broad shouldered and dressed in a vintage looking leather jacket and rather well fitted trousers. Now the debate was: does the tailoring make the ass, or does the ass make the tailoring. You were halfway through the arguments on either side when Sam shouting your name disrupted the intense debating in your mind. You blushed at being caught, then blushed some more when you caught sight of the stranger’s face. Twinkling blue eyes under a deep-set brow should have made him intimidating, but he was smiling, and his face was dazzling. There was an immediate fluttering in your stomach.

“Hey, I’m Bucky.” Dear lord even his voice was nice, what made you smile even more was the fact that he signed as he spoke. Well, Sam certainly knew how to pick them well. “Sam introduced me; said you wanted an interpreter.”

You nodded as you signed back, “Nice to meet you, thank you for helping out.”

“No problem, Sam has told me a bit about you.”

“Good things I hope.”

“Okay I recognise my own name, you two better not be conspiring against me.” Sam piped up, to be honest you had forgotten about him for a moment.

Bucky laughed, and it sent a little thrill down you, he really was adorable.

“No worries, Wilson, just letting them know all your dirty little secrets.”

“Right, you two get in there, before you make me sleep with one eye open.”

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You and Bucky caught each other’s eye, his eyes were twinkling with mischief, and you couldn’t help the smile that overtook you. You had a feeling that the two of you would get on just fine.

The meeting passed easily. Bucky translated your signs and you finally felt like you could actually take part in these meetings. Everyone listened intently when you spoke of your brother and when you had thanked the whole group for being so open to you a couple of people shed a tear. By the end of the meeting though you were tired and very accepting of Bucky’s offer to walk you home.

It was a lot of side glances and hidden smiles and you walked side by side. Drawn to each other under the moonlit sky, it was nice to just be in the presence of someone who had such a kind aura. You spent the walk trying to work up the confidence to sign something, anything but nothing came to mind and Bucky seemed quite content to just walk in comfortable silence.

You soon reached your home, you turned to Bucky with a smile on your face and signed,

“Thanks for today, Bucky. You were really helpful.”

“No problem.” He signed back,

You hesitated slightly before signing, “Would you be happy to have a coffee with me, tomorrow?”

Bucky went a little red in the face, and chuckled, “I would love to, I know a nice place, real cosy. I’ll text you the details.”

“You know how to text?”

“Hey! I get enough stick from Sam, don’t need you getting on my case too. I’ll have you know that I am very adaptable.”

“Sure, Sure.” You smiled at his flustered tone. “I’ll wait for your text then, have a good evening.”

“You too.”

The two of you stared slightly awkwardly at each other, neither wanting to be the first to turn around. You shuffled your feet away slowing, smiling awkwardly once more at Bucky before turning. You heard his footsteps start to fade away as you walked towards your home. You were but three steps to the door when a large figure in a hoodie slammed into you, you raised your arms instinctively to block them when you noticed your shoulder was lighter. The bastard had stolen your bag.

You immediately took chase, chasing around the corner you just walked down but they were fast, faster then you at least. As you rounded the corner you caught sight of Bucky walking ahead. The thief wouldn’t stand a change against him. Without a second thought you cast your thoughts towards Bucky,

“Bucky! Thief! My Bag! Behind you!”

You saw Bucky flinch slightly then turn bewildered, his eyes widening when he saw you hurting towards him, chasing the hooded figure. He caught on and launched after the thief as well, with barely any effort he knocked the thief to the ground, grabbed your bag and whipped out his phone to call the cops.

Well, that was hot.

You took your bag back, immediately checking that you brother’s lucky coin was in the zippy pocket, to your relief it was still there. You looked up to see Bucky staring at you with a very puzzled look on his face. You sighed before casting your thoughts to his head once more,

“I’ll explain later.”

Bucky let out a strange, decompressed noise of shock, it made you giggle. The two of you waited in silence until the police came and took the thief away. The police car had barely driven away when he turned to you.

“Did you just, talk in my head? Or did my conscious just suddenly get really loud.”

“I did. Hi. Sorry about that.”

He waved his hands dismissively. “Believe it or not, not the weirdest thing I’ve encountered.”

“Well, that’s reassuring.”

There was an awkward silence.

“So,” You started, resorting back to sign language, it felt less invasive, “Still down for coffee?”

Bucky smiled, “One hundred percent. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Bye Bucky. Thanks for getting my bag back.”

“No problem, see ya.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The coffee shop that Bucky invited you to, was tucked away, it was the kind of place that you would stumble over on accident. With a simple door and a big window out the front, that lead soft orange light filter out onto the alley. There was the faint sound of jazz leaking out of the building, you smirked. It was such an old fashioned place, of course this was where Bucky frequented.

The bell tinkled slightly as you entered the café, where you were greeted with the smell of fresh coffee and baked goods. You caught sight of Bucky’s broad shoulders sitting in the corner, and you made your way over to him, smiling at the barista as you passed.

As if sensing you, Bucky turned to smile and wave. He was dressed in casual clothes like last time, but this time his hair was loose around his shoulders. You smiled back before settling into the seat opposite him.

His hands moved hesitantly as he signed, “What would you like? I can recommend their hot chocolate, its very warming/”

“Hot chocolate it is.”

You could tell he wanted to ask you a million questions but to his credit he walked slowly to get the drinks, he even took his time carefully carrying the tray of drinks back to your table. He placed a delicious looking hot chocolate in front of you. You watched as he took a sip.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1-

“So,” Here we go, “What is it you can do, you can speak in peoples’ heads, can you,” He lowered his voice and leaned in, “Can you read people’s minds?”

You giggled slightly, his eyes were basically sparkling, he was definitely nerding out about this.

You set the hot chocolate down before casting your thoughts to his head, “I can speak in peoples heads relatively easily, it’s how I talk most of the time to people I know. I guess you could call it Telepathy.”

Bucky’s eyes were as wide as saucers, “So you can’t read thoughts, only… speak them?”

“I like to call it casting, makes me feel like a sorcerer. I can read thoughts, but it takes a lot of energy. I used to be able to talk with my brother from across the house. That usually requires some kind of connection.”

“Oh, so like a blood or family connection? Do you have to know the person very well?”

“That certainly helps but it’s not always necessary. If I have a personal object that belongs to that person, something I can hold and connect to them it isn’t hard to make a two-way connection. Especially if that person is willing to open their mind.”

Bucky seemed to be caught in thought for a second. “So, if I were to give you something of mine, we could both talk in our… heads?”

“Well yes, but Bucky we have only just met. Letting me into your head is a lot. I try not to pry but sometimes I’ve found that thoughts just burst through. Let’s get to know each other a before that happens.”

Bucky smiled at you before speaking and signing, “You’re right. Let’s get to know one another. I find you fascinating.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It happened on the fifth date. Bucky was just walking you home after a lovely dinner at a small Italian that he claimed he went to back in the 40s. Just outside your door, under the glow of a lamppost he turned to you and took a deep breath before speaking.

“I know this may be a lot, but I wanted to give you these.” He reached around his neck and pulled off something silver. You gasped slightly as he held out his dog tags, immaculately preserved after all these years.

“Are you sure, Bucky? This is a lot.”

“I know and if you aren’t comfortable with it then just let me know but I want to give them to you.”

“You know what this means Bucky?”

“Yeah, I know, I just figured that you’re already in my head all the time anyways, just can’t seem to get you out of it.”

“You cheeseball.” You smirked at him before taking the dog tags and placing them around your neck. You gripped the cold metal for a moment, concentrating on the man in front of you. Taking everything, you knew about him and stretching out a connection, like a hand reaching out to clasp another.

“Testing, Testing, Testing, one two, one two, can my Telepathic partner hear me?”

You laughed, “Yes I can Bucky, you big dork.”

Bucky whooped out loud before sweeping you up in a big hug. The two of you laughing under the lamp light. His joy was infectious, and you couldn’t fight the smile off your face.

“Oh, we are going to have so much fun messing with Sam.”

“You’re evil.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course, the two of you made a pact not to tell Sam until he worked it out, which wouldn’t be anytime soon according to Bucky. It led to some very memorable moments and Sam refusing to play any form of card or board game with either of you because you always managed to win, somehow. Not to mention all the times you had spoken in eery unison around him.

“I swear, its like you two can read each other’s minds sometimes.” Sam threw his hands up in frustration at another lost game of charades.

You smirked at Bucky across the room, “Should you tell him, or shall I?”

“I think he’s been through enough, I got it.”

Bucky cleared his throat, “We can.”

Sam whipped around to face Bucky, a look of sheer disbelief on his face, “Seriously Bucky-boy, if you think I believe that after all-

“Hello Sam.” You cast your thoughts to him, in the creepiest old lady voice you could muster.

Sam yelped, before turning accusingly at you, “You better be joking around with me right now, I am not dealing with any kind of ghosts in this house.”

“Sorry! Surprise I’m telepathic!”

“You’re serious.”

You nodded.

Sam put his head in his hands and sighed, “Not the weirdest thing ever. Wait, does this mean you have been cheating this entire time.”

You both looked guiltily at one another.

“You owe me. That poker night, void.”

You both laughed, “We’ll have a fair rematch this time Sam.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been close to a year since you had made it official with Bucky and you were now much more comfortable around one another. He no longer just dropped you off at the lamppost but cam inside with you. You had spent many lovely mornings together sharing glances over steaming cups of coffee. Fighting each other for who got to spread their legs out on the couch, there wasn’t really a loser though as it usually ended up in sofa cuddles for both of you, while watching a film.

Life was pretty great, you thought, as you smiled down at the sleeping Bucky beside you. Finally reaching over to turn off the lamp and put your book down, you were finally reading the hobbit at Bucky’s insistence. As you clicked off the light beside you and settled down you noticed the faster than usual breathing coming from beside you.

“Bucky?”

You reached out, thinking he was awake but instead as you opened up your connection you caught flashes of night terrors. You were falling indefinitely, snow all around you, and in the distance, there were cries of pain, people pleading for their lives, there was gunfire and explosions. You gasped and took off the dog tags. You only gave yourself a moment to breathe before trying to shake Bucky awake. When it became clear that he wasn’t stirring you steadied yourself and settled your hands on his temples. You didn’t care you tired this would make you, you just wanted Bucky to stop suffering. You focused, offering out that hand of connection again, this time picturing it in the shape of a fist and, although it wasn’t subtle, you tried to shake Bucky’s brain awake. You forced your way into his dreams, punching through the dark fog that clouded his thoughts and almost screamed at him.

“Bucky! Bucky wake up! You’re dreaming my dear!”

Bucky woke up with a start. Tears flowing down his face, he stared at you blue eyes shining. No one spoke as he pulled you into his arms. You just breathed together for a moment, counting the breaths and the spaces in between. When he finally pulled back, you saw his eyes flicker with concern before lifting a hand to gently wipe under your nose, it came back red with blood.

“You, okay?”

You smiled sadly, reaching out to put the dog tags back on.

“I should be asking you that.”

“But you’re bleeding.”

“Occupational hazard.” You tried to subtly get rid of any of the extra blood. “That was pretty intense. Wanna talk?”

Bucky looked down to the sheets and shook his head. You smiled at him, tilting his head to yours.

“That’s fine, want me to go? Or would you like to cuddle for a bit?”

Bucky didn’t talk again, just pulled you gently down to the bed once more. Snuggling himself under your chin, resting his head on your chest. You felt his arms draw tightly against your waist. You pressed your lips into his hair.

“May I help you go to sleep? Keep the bad thoughts at bay for at least one night.”

You felt Bucky nod and let out a little sleepy hum of agreement. You closed your eyes, focused on your connection setting up a golden wall against the dark fog at the corners of his mind and settled into a deep sleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke to the smell of fresh coffee and the clinking of cups.

“Morning.” You opened your eyes at Bucky’s voice and took the offered cup greedily. Your mind still felt hazy from the energy you used last night.

You felt the bed dip beside you as Bucky sat and sipped at his cup as well, hair a bit of a mess from bed. He had evidently only just woken up as well.

He took a breath, “I had some pretty interesting dreams, sweetheart.”

You stiffened, “Good ones I hope.”

“Don’t worry, they were good. If a little strange.”

“Strange?”

“I was watching myself most of the time.”

You snorted into the coffee, “Sounds creepy”

There was a slight chuckle, “Nah, I was watching myself build a home, a family- “

“Oh God Bucky.” You snapped your eyes to his, you knew what had happened. “I am so sorry my dreams must have stuck in your head.”

“Those were your dreams?”

“Yeah, its only happened once before but when the connection between two people is very strong, it can happen- I call it bleeding. Perhaps we should- “

“If the next words out of your mouth are take a break, I will spill your coffee.” You clutched your cup closer to your chest, “Truthfully, those were some of the beset dreams I have every had. I really loved them.”

You looked back up at him, hesitantly “You did?”

“And I love you.”

“Huh

There was silence as you stared at him in shock. His face as nothing but adoration as the sunlight filtered over his face.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too.”

Coffee cups were cast aside as you both collided. Giggling and joking, radiating happiness as the two of you shared the sweetest kiss. Your feelings merging together, amplifying one another until they shone brighter than the sun.

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[ooooo-mcyt]

For real though watching yhs has lead me to the conclusion that despite Grian seemingly has such an active fight instinct....most of the time he actually doesnt respond to situations with half the fight attributed to him.

When faced with a traumatic situation Grian will absolutely bare his teeth at the nearest threat. He's absolutely vitriolic towards Sam at all times without fail and has even initiated physical violence in their confrontations once or twice. He's often on edge, often quick to angry outbursts, just overall rather hostile when faced with a dangerous/frightening/harmful situation. Which definitely indicates his main response to these scenarios is to fight. Hard.

However the more I engaged with fanon the more I faltered. A lot of fanon does portray him as very hostile in the face of trouble. Which should make sense. Canonically Grian knows when to say no, when to argue, and even sometimes when to physically fight back. Any episode with Grian present will likely have examples of him pushing back against harmful situations. And yet something always feels very Off about that being the start and end of it in a lot of fanon. Which led me down an interesting line of thinking.

I honestly suspect that Grian's volatility and will to fight back isn't nearly as strong as one would believe from observing him on surface level. In fact, his on the surface hostility feels like it's borderline a facade altogether to be honest.

I mean look at examples throughout canon of Grian in distressing situations.

Yhs halloween episode. The one where Taurtis got stabbed. And the following situation where Grian is famously forced to dress up like Taurtis. Grian would later be very upset about Sam stabbing Taurtis, however his initial response was to nervously laugh and even give Sam appeasing praise. I mean, Grian says "you weren't supposed to stab him" pretty clearly, but he anxiously laughs before and afterwards and even tells Sam he's proud of him when prompted. Obviously Grian was very upset about the whole thing later on after taking Taurtis to the hospital however in the moment he's mostly silent and when he's not he's just nervously laughing throughout, even agreeing with whatever *Sam* says when he's outright prompted by name for an opinion, then when everyone else tries to play it off casually Grian actually goes along with it almost entirely, even agreeing to let Taurtis drive him home for some reason. Then, according to his own story, he had an opportunity to talk to police at the hospital and he didn't incriminate Sam. He knew they were supicious of *him* but he still didn't incriminate the actual killer. "I told them I found him like that" Grian alleged. Honestly it sounds like he didn't tell them much of *anything* before being released and making the walk back to meet Sam. The next morning Grian was significantly more vocally upset about Taurtis being stabbed and expressed being upset with Sam however he seemed significantly more anxious than he was angry throughout the interaction. Then Grian immediately pretty readily agreed to go with Sam and Yuki to school and willingly put on the Taurtis outfit before the other's even started with the threats in the name of making things 'less awkward'. He certainly objected, however he was once again a lot more anxious than angry, nervously laughing, coming up with really weak unimportant excuses, and agreeing within ten seconds of being asked. Pretty much the rest of his time dressed as Taurtis goes very similarly. He objects to most things he's told to do and brings up Sam stabbing Taurtis multiple times despite the other's not wanting him to but is primarily nervous rather than hostile and he never actuslly puts up enough resistence for it to stick. Even when the other's were stuffing plastic down his throat and he told them he thought it may kill him Grian still did it and told the other's he *liked* it when pushed. Eventually he got out of it by running on Rowan's command and no sooner than being told to get out of there. When Sam found him again Grian immediately even reverted back to doing as he was told and cowering away from him in obvious fear up until Okami and Rowan showed up and shoved Grian behind them. Then he *still went home that night* knowing Sam would be there. When they found Taurtis it was pretty clear that Grian was hoping Taurtis would help him once he got his memory back however when instructed to stop telling Taurtis who he was Grian for the most part did aside from subtle pushing about the familiarity of certain things and then later when Taurtis got his memory back and made it pretty clear he wasn't going to help Grian? Grian conceded. He spent a good few minutes arguing about everything he'd gone through- everything they both had- and insisting it wasn't okay but when Taurtis made it pretty clear he wasn't going to do anything and they collectively agreed Grian was the real problem? Grian kinda...stopped. When Taurtis made it clear he wasn't going to be helping, Grian just kinda fell back into their normal routine with the other's, and when Sam demanded an 'apology soda' from Grian for what he'd apparently done, Grian bought it for him saying "If that's what it takes for things to go back to normal".

Let's also look at Grian's involvement with the law during/shortly-after the Halloween situation. When Sam and Yuki dragged him to join the Yakuza he was upset and objected anxiously but caved as soon as he got pushback. When Sam wanted to steak from the Yakuza he once again got objections from Grian who nervously insisted that it was a terrible idea but once again Sam shoved aside Grian's complaints and once again Grian just kinda fell into place despite being upset. When the police also started threatening the trio's lives to work for them, Grian objected. He questioned if they were allowed to do that and was very openly not happy about any of it, however he very quickly submitted under pressure. Both times Grian was locked in solitary confinement he loudly protested his sanity and both times he voiced how disturbing it was on a really deep level being locked up like that but both times when he was let out he just went with the other two again and let them brush it all off- even knowing full well they let him out to be *death fodder*. He just went with them relatively quietly save for maybe a token remark or two. Honestly the large majority of this bs Grian was involved with was under physical threat and he almost always bent under it. Even down to his fight with Pie over Ellen. Pie showed up and started challenging their relationship. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki insisted they have a knife fight. Grian said *no*. Pie said yes. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki affirmed there would be a knife fight. Grian objects more. Everyone else present discusses how the knife fight will work. Grian gets stabbed. Grian suggests they just ask Ellen who they want to date *obviously*. Ellen chooses nobody and leaves. Grian was upset but then just kinda accepts it and goes on with what the whole group was doing before.

And just to round this out with one more example. The Starwars Cosplay Incident. Apparently Sam burst into Grian's room, undressed him, shoved him into Leia Cosplay complete with fake boobs, and locked him in the basement for three days. Grian sits there for three days until Taurtis rescues him.  Grian has a moment of being rightfully very angry and finally even tries to physically attack Sam, demanding to know if Taurtis is aware of what Sam did to him and insisting that they can't expect everything to be fine now. Except it kinda...was. Taurtis stopped Grian from attacking Sam, they both brushed it off as a joke and not a big deal, and then they went to school. And Grian just *went*. He walked with the other two, he wore the outfit Sam put him in, and he just kinda moved on. Grian would later object when the clones tried to pull him out of class, snapping that he just wants to learn and get an education like a normal person and demanding to know why he's not allowed to. But he goes! And when he's released he walks right back to Sam and Taurtis, makes some bitter remarks to them, and let's them shove it all aside as if it's unimportant. Later when it's Grian, Sam, and a member of school staff alone in the closet, some innapropriate remarks are made to Grian. He very quickly says he's reporting the remarks made by school staff but Sam tells him not to be rude and it doesn't seem Grian ever does. Later on when Geode makes a comment about Grian's outfit as well Sam and Taurtis start pondering *giving* Grian to them. Grian repeatedly said *no* but with a lot more despair than defiance and we don't even know if he'd have actually followed through with fighting back if they'd tried to actually give him away because they were interrupted before the situation got to that point. Grian once again just let the other's move on as if that didn't happen and continued following them around, though! And he wore that damn outfit he was very explicitly uncomfortable with. All day.

Which is kinda all to say that when it comes to fighting back Grian is a lot more bark than bite.

Grian throws out a lot of bitter remarks, makes his objections very apparent in most things, and even has more than one vitriolic rant to his abuser(s) throughout the series. But that layer of his responses to things is so fragile that it tends to fall away within minutes- if that, sometimes *seconds*.

Of course ive seen other people take note of this and argue that it means Grian actually *wants* to do these thingd he's objecting to but I think that's silly. If it were just things like group crime or violent acts then id possibly see it but Grian puts up the same kind of response to having plastic shoved down his throat and to being locked in the basement for days which there's no way in hell he was any kind of okay with. The more likely scenario here isn't that he secretly wanted to do any of these things and made his resistence weak so he could pretend he tried while still doing it.

The likely scenario here is that his fight response is much more for show than one would think. Because Grian's strongest most influential response to things really never seems to be to fight. Aggression is really hardly Grian's overall stance on handling a distressing situation.

Much more frequently you see the most influence coming from completely other instinctive responses.

Looking for outside help in adults, friends, and classmates like when Okami and Rowan protected him during his time dressed as Taurtis or when Grian tried desperately to get Taurtis to be on his side and help him after Sam seriously hurt him both when Taurtis first got his memory back after Halloween and when Taurtis found Grian in the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident, hell, even during his fight with Pie it can be argued that Grian calling for them to just ask Ellen was an appeal to outside help as he hoped Ellen would agree to end the fight and save him from the situation as a result.

Running away- or trying to at least- from the threat. Most notably seen back during the halloween incident when he quite literally ran out the back of the gym and hid from Sam+Yuki then hiding behind Okami and Rowan when they showed up in an attempt to flee from Sam which is how he got away from the other's at all during that situation. Grian's consistent need to exclaim every so often how much he wants to go back to Europe is a subtler example of this, though, of Grian's urge to get away.

Honestly though being quiet and moving as he's directed seems to be the most common winning response. You see little sparks of reaction from him but most of the time Grian is just quiet, nervously laughing, following Taurtis and Sam around in what they ask of him, and even outright appeasement strategies to maintain a calm environment. This is So common from Grian. This is what usually wins out. His quiet nervous laughter and agreeing with Sam when Taurtis is first stabbed. The fact that he didn't tell the police what Sam did when alone with them during questioning and then immediately walked to meet up with Sam and went to school with Sam+Yuki with literally no objections. The fact that he didn't say no like *at all* to putting on the Taurtis outfit in the name of not making things awkward and complied within seconds of first being asked. How he proceeded to do what he was asked all day and didn't make any move to get away until Rowan outright instructed him to run. The fact that he went back! The fact that he went along with it when they joined the Yakuza and when they stole from the Yakuza and when they joined up with the cops and when they *forced him into a knife fight*. How Grian eventually just lost his spark of defiance after Taurtis first got his memories back and made it clear he wasn't helping Grian, with Grian agreeing to buy Sam a fucking *apology soda* if it meant things would go back to normal after hearing everyone else agree that *he* was the problem in all he'd been put through. The way he just goes back to following Sam and Taurtis after they got him locked in solitary confinement on blatant lies because they *wanted* to. The way he walks around school with the other two while wearing cosplay that made him feel gross and uncomfortable that Sam had literally physically forced onto him and just went along with what he was told in the end.

Grian always puts up a fight but not a good one. He makes side comments, he makes objections, he even has more than one emotional rant about the hell he's put through, however this never wins out in the end and this presenting fight is very frequently just barely holding down much stronger freeze and fawn instincts that usually win out pretty damn quick.

Which!!! In a situation like Grian's it actually makes significantly more sense to have strong freeze and fawn responses than to have a strong fight response! I mean, think about it. A fight response is primarily useful in scenarios in which it's possible to take strong action to remove the threat. You're attacked by a dog so you throw stuff at it till it backs away. You're picked on by an upperclassman so you punch em' in the nose expecting fully that they'll leave you be after. Someone attacks you while you're walking home so you try and stab them with your key. Fighting is an incredibly good response for random/one time attacks. If you're ever kidnapped you wanna scream and punch and kick and make a scene so they can't take you to a secondary location. You fight. Fighting is optimal for unexpected stranger conflicts. That's not the situation Grian's in though. Grian suffers from serious long term physical, emotional, and financial abuse. He's in a country he doesn't have residency or family in, he doesn't have a readily available source of income, he doesn't have his own mode of transportation, it seems that most of the time he doesnt have a clear way home, he's often dealing with long term friends of his and seemingly his biggest source of support prior to this situation, even back in Europe he doesn't have much support system to run to given his parents canonically left him, he's frequently under threat of physical danger, etc. This is not the kind of situation in which an intense primary fight response helps. This is the type of situation in which an intense primary fight response either gets you seriously hurt or wandering the streets with no way to provide for yourself. It would likely be similar if he presented an intense primary flight response to be honest. In long term abuse situations where there's no rational way of escaping safely or no rational place to escape to? Often the primary responses that promote survival are fawn and freeze. Appeasing the aggressor or sinking into the background. Those are your ways to stay alive when you can't expect to 'win' or escape. It absolutely makes more sense for Grian to have primary fawn and freeze responses than a primary fight response.

But then why does he present so much hostility? What's with all the bitter remarks and the attempts to voice objections and the occasional overt insults/screaming? How does a fawn/freeze response present as fight when first pressed at?? Well fun fact, I have experience with that kind of presentation because I *was* that kind of presentation. Oh boy did I try to push strong fight responses towards my abusive father with token resistences and petty remarks even though most of the time I crumpled under the slightest pressure and spent my time ignoring the problem or dissociating or trying very hard to avoid future conflicts. You put up a token front of fight even if that's never going to be your primary response for the sake of your own mental health, really. To assure the world- and *you*- knows that you don't *want* this situation. So you can say you tried. Out of some misguided hope that your attempted bravado won't be seen through and that maybe this time they'll just stop pushing instead of calling the bluff. Which. Makes sense with Grian as well. I mean looking at the times he really truly goes off before reverting back to a more appeasing stance, most notably his rants from when Taurtis first got his memory back as well as from when he got out of the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident. Most of those rants were taken up by Grian loudly and passionately reiterating what he'd been through, insisting he was the victim, and calling Sam an awful person before the defiance fades out and he becomes more willing to just go about their day. It's one attempted push hoping the other parties present will vie in his favour and a reassertion that he's not okay with this and that *he* is being hurt which gives way within minutes to a much duller attitude. That's just a painfully familiar format. Adding on Grian's token objections/passive aggressive remarks to many situations that distress him and how quickly those objections give way as dismissed by others. That kind of behaviour feels strongly like an attempt to preserve your own mental wellbeing as much as possible with the knowledge that you tried to some extent and with just generally hearing out loud that you are the victim even if from yourself. Grian's behaviour just really feels like a facade of defiance to cover up general helplessness which makes a Lot of sense for the scenario. Probably more than just plain defiance would.

[jemmo]

what's one thing about pat and pran you wanted to rant about but still didn't?

oh dear anon you have well and truly opened a can of worms here. i think there are like a million tiny things about patpran that i havent ranted about yet, like little aspects to their dynamics or specific headcannons i have for them. but seen as im being give the opportunity, youre putting down the soapbox for me, i felt like i had to think carefully. tumblr is telling me its been 8 hours since i got this ask and believe me, i have non stop been going through the filing cabinet in my head of patpran rants looking for a good one. then i remembered that i wanted to talk about something, so here we go.

ive seen people talk before about how much they love the fact that, when pat has his realization, he doesnt go into any kind of gay crisis. his mind is going through a lot, but i dont think any of those thoughts are 'oh god i like a boy wtf am i gay what is this its weird gross ew'. im not saying his revelation has no affect on how he views his sexuality, i think its just that its not that shocking to him bc hes just so fine with it yknow. like if someone came out to him he wouldnt even do a double take, and so he doesnt for himself. hes more like oh cool moving on, very much so concerned with acting on his feelings. like i dont think it even crosses his mind to have an identity crisis, he just needs to tell pran, like, now.

anyway this is all to say that i love how this attitude manifested in ep 7 in a more physical way. bc throughout the series we've seen that pat is fine with physical contact and closeness, but it wasnt inherently sexual or romantic at that point. but now it is, you can just tell, whenever theyre near there are sparks just because of their proximity. and the thing is, not only is pat ok with that, but he more so than pran initiates and encourages physical intimacy with that implicit meaning. he takes his shirt of twice, openly invites pran to look at him in a sexual way, encourages pran to touch him, and even outside those moments in the curry scene at the start and the face cleaning scene, pat is the one to touch pran's face. and i just think it fits pat's character so well that there is no hesitance in the exploration of his sexuality, not emotionally or physically. its just so plain and simple and i think thats really something ppl should see and deserve to see. that this man is like 'oh ok i like this boy, i want to touch this boy, i want this boy to touch me too... cool'. pat is a creature that follows his instincts, lives moment to moment and i just love that liking pran for him was like finally putting in the last piece of a puzzle, bc now that its complete, its not like hes wondering 'hmm i wonder if that was the right piece, does it fit right', bc the picture is clear and it makes perfect sense and theres no need to fret over or overthink or analyse any of it. and it screams so loudly this whole meant to be, destined to be together vibe they have, like the universe itself was created so they could be with each other.

anyway, im rambling and getting off topic, but as i was talking about ep 7, i wanna end it with this. in all of pran's flirtations and advances, very contrary to the finger licking incident at the end of ep 7, all of his flirting, seduction, insinuation is verbal. he is the absolute king of dropping lines so laced with romantic and sensual meaning that absolutely ruin pat. but think about all the flirting we see in ep 7, in none of them does pran touch pat without pat starting it. even in the library when pran is very much getting up in pat's personal space, he leverages himself on his arm, traps pat in and dangles himself in front of pat without touching. this says a lot to me about both of them. firstly, that i think pran knows that pat is attracted to him, plain and simple. bc its so easy with these two to talk about their star crossed, written in the stars, decided by fate love. but i love that in these moments you can see there's plain and simple attraction, like pat's face sometimes screams 'i find you so hot and attractive' and like yes looks arent everything but i love that in their relationship that can be so deep and complex, sometimes its as simple as were both really attracted to each other, bc that is a part of any good relationship too. and the fact pran uses it as leverage in his flirting is excellent. secondly, it shows how pran is the more reserved one, the one more reluctant to end this bet, bc hes so comfortable with talking the talk, but walking the walk is a whole other thing, and he's only comfortable with that when invited into it by pat, when in his mind he can be certain that this is a game, and he is free in the game, and this physical intimacy doesnt have to mean anything. i talked before about how pran can truly express himself when his mind switches off and he allows himself to act in the moment, and this applies here too. there's too many mental barriers stopping him from instigating a physical interaction, but when caught up in the moment, swept up on the fun of the game and being with pat, he doesnt have to overanalyse his actions and therefore he can be physically intimate.

and i love how this whole physical vs non-physical battle plays out. i love that, while he wont touch pat, he'll touch wai and make a show of it bc he knows thats something he's keeping from pat at the moment. he is well and truly keeping that card close to his chest, dangling it right in front of pats nose that he'll put his arm around him at the rugby practice and wipe his mouth at the noodle place. its more than just jealousy that pran is touching wai, its an absolute power move. pran is literally like i wont instigate any physical intimacy with you, but look at me drape myself all over wai, and let it stir up all that jealousy, let it make you angry, let it be the thing that breaks you bc you do desperately want me to touch you, and for that touch to be of my own accord. and then he does, right at the end, the first initiation of physical touch by pran is him wiping pats mouth, right after he made his confession by feeding him. it shows that he's now allowing himself to initiate bc he is comfortable with it, he doesnt need there to be any excuses of a game and neither does he have to withhold that from pat for the sake of winning. there are no winners and losers anymore, just a boyfriend that he can touch whenever he wants and who will touch him in return. and i cant wait to see this whole thing blossom into the most beautiful and adorable displays of casual intimacy so i can throw up over how in love they are.

[marvelling-at-marvel-blog]

This was a great episode of Lonestar.

Always happy to watch a Paul storyline, I have just never loved a job enough to put my life on the line for it so I can't understand how someone would rather die than not do that job. I don't think outside of people, I love anything enough to die for it. So Pauls decision seems crazy and kind of selfish to me. That doesn't mean he deserved to wake up the way he did though. I kind of like how after he asked Marjan to leave he still said thanks. Kind of like he knew he was being unfair to her in the moment. I dont think as someone who has no power of attorney or anything over Paul, Marjan would not have had any say in him getting the pacemaker?

- Owen's dry ass chicken sounds honeslty revoulting. 100% would not want to eat

- I love this bird. He is obviously a great judge of characther. He loves Mateo but dislikes Owen. Also him saying 'bitch and moan, bitch and moan' was the best most on point thing ever

- Part of me hopes Gwyn did leave him the bird to torment him, yhe idea of her being like this is how I will one up him forever just makes me giggle. Also I enjoy her lawyer. She's a boss.

- I love how much Judd is enjoying himself this episode. Raising his hand like a kid only to make fun of Owen. The joy on his face when he found out that Owen started the fight with the bird and when he heard the bird kissed Mateo. His just there living his best life.

- Said it before, will say it again. Gina Torres is so beauitful. She has an infectious smile and hair of my dreams

- Mateo is right, Axe throwing is fun as hell. Reccomend it. Also the fact that Owen doesnt ALREADY own a vegetable sprializer is more surprising than the fact he ordered one

- I would like it to be known that you should never strap your baby into a car the way that woman did. I actually dont think you even could if you wanted to that is obviously just sitting in the prop car

- I love Paul but the way he makes pasta is a freaking crime. What did that poor spaghetti do to you?

- The fact that Marjan could kick that door in is pretty hot

- They did not just kill the bird. Why was that neccesary!?!?! Noo Ginsberg! (Also kudos Gwyn, great name) He could have just gone to Mateo and they would live happily together for 30 years

- Finally. Where was Nancy? I can get why Carlos and Grace where not in the ep. It makes no sense that Nancy was not there with no explanation. I get that Tommy and T.K. where having a moment this ep but it just makes no sense that they where running a man down.

I can also understand that not every actor needs to be in every episode. But it always the same ones. I would love to see a episode that spends the whole time with Grace and Carlos and thier jobs/lives The only time the rest pop up is when they have screentime shared with those two. It could be a cop storyline that involves 911 phone calls and some personal stuff in the side. I think when people talk about how upset they are that Carlos or Grace is not in a episode it's because it happens reguarly with them and almost never with the others. I mean its OK to leave them out to focus on firefighter storylines but it jas to go both ways. Which is si t right now.

[dwter]

What do u think the big dsmp update is i think itl be something like a memory wipe or so idk idk what else it could be unless its like some big fight but ik cdream has something planned and lots of people on the server kinda like him ish (remmeber the line "everyones gonna think i changed while i make ur life a living hell") i think maybe wel get that also in dre and wilburs reddit post they make the point of cdream tormenting ctommy by bring back cwil clear 🤔

this shit is so long brah im so sorry but IM SO GLAD IVE FINALLY WRITTEN EVERYTHING IVE WANTED DOWN 😭🌟 ok click for my. Thoughts 🙌🏽

if its a memory wipe im killing myself Hope that helps BUT i also have a few reasons why i dont think it will be. a) i dont think the smp would be as enthusiastic as they seem to be for whatever dream has planned if it was a memory wipe. we can look at it from a passion/sentimentality point of “they care too much abt what theyve already put into the story/developing their characters” but even from a logic standpoint it makes no sense. no one on that server that very few ppl have motivation for would suddenly become excited at the idea of having to “start fresh” but not even genuinely start fresh as theyd still have to adhere to whats around them. plus having to remake dynamics that were heavily cc-based anyways takes so much effort specifically bc they would be different from the original lore which was build on, again, the ccs actual dynamics that evolved over time. i just dont see the ccs, esp someone like tommy for instance who has said hes excited for what dream has planned, to be motivated by any form of a memory wipe.

b) i feel like dream (cc) sees and understands the value in the dynamics that currently exist in the smp and wouldnt change and discard them to that extent, both as a storyteller/lorehead but also career/retention-wise. do i see him creating an event that fucks up/twists/moves around the dynamics? absolutely. completely amnesia tho? no. hes a smart guy and one of the people most invested in the lore (and probably the lore-based community as a result) he KNOWS what ppl like and what keeps them here and there no way he doesnt see the personalities, histories and evolved dynamics as what does that, at least partially

c) it would be too much work + wouldnt make people log on a lot or in massive crowds. usually what makes ppl log on both in large amounts and consistently is 1. a set goal/focus 2. knowing other ppl are on 3. being able to do what makes them comfortable. 1 and 2 are self explanatory but with 3 i mean that ppl who dont want to do lore/dont enjoy doing heavy intense lore where they have to be in character all the time would not like or be comfortable with a memory wipe where they have to pretend and stick to that basically the whole time, esp if they cant rmr each other. imagine someone like tubbo for instance wanting to slip into casualness and just play and half talk to chat half be involved and slipping up about the memory stuff and getting frustrated like thats super real. amnesia would be terrible for morale and is just too much investment for a ton of them and wouldnt motivate ppl to log on (at least in the long run)

ok now that ive explained myself about this: what do i think it could be

i am a huge believer in the apocalypse theory/things similar. it would be a perfect ripple in the dynamics currently set without damaging, eroding or erasing them. it also would be able to give a goal/focus for the ccs which is one of the biggest motivators for ppl logging on which is also part another motivator which is literally just ppl being there when u log on/logging on with u. and it also lets ppl interact with lore and intensely or casually as they want as there is nothing they have to commit to the whole time or force them to go in and out of “lore mode” awkwardly. they can do whatever they want and say whatever they want, it is just up to them how in character they want to be and they can hang out and be with whoever fits their vibes the best in that sense, or go back and forth.

it just does what the reboot/update SHOULD do: give purpose in playing again, refresh whats already there, make things less ridged, let ppl start fresh without actually starting fresh and most importantly: LETS PPL HAVE FUN! and whether fun is lore breathing into a mic for an hour or a chill mining stream to prepare for whatever the apocalypse has caused/is or just fucking with your friends—this specific kind of reboot lets all of those co-exist if they want it to.

as for ur ideas: in my heart of hearts i dont want to believe it but the “im going to make ur life a living hell etc” line seems to be referencing the boy who cried wolf plot which is. Dead in the ground i fear <- says through gritted teeth. i would LOVEEEEEE if that line became important again but i just feel like all its implications have kind of been abandoned, at least what they used to be. and about ppl mostly liking cdream hmmm ….. i dont know how much that will play a role if things got rebooted, especially regarding ctommy. i dont think anything like final disc finale but with cdream and ctommys role reversed will happen. no one/not enough ppl on the server is cdreampilled OR ctommynegpilled enough for anything like that. plus a big fight wouldnt cause this much excitement (although i do wonder if the revamp is partially pvp based bc with how excited cctommy sounded about it, it definitely could be. thats something he rly enjoys and likes about minecraft and dsmp like he mentioned it in the tribute video (like the battles he had with dream being his fav)). that last point IS interesting tho hmmm ….. maybe it was just stating a fact rather than it being foreshadowing? although cdream hasnt used cwilbur enough as leverage for me to think theyre done/didnt have anything else planned for that. either way tho, im not sure how much that involves the update since i think for it to make EVERYONE excited, it has to be something that involves the entire smp/affects it all/everyone, not just the big three

ANYWAYS thank u for reading all my rambles and thoughts if u made it this far anonnie or anyone else. i feel at peace now. mind body and soul. all at ease. 😊❤️