#why do christians get such a bad wrap? look at the way you treat people! look at the way you talk about shit you dont understand!

[jeepers-scoob]

Just a lil vent post bc this is also my diary when I can't get myself to actually write

How to explain that hearing and reading about some of the awful shit that is happening makes me feel physically sick and so frustrated bc so much of the hate filled rhetoric and actions literally make no sense and it's all so hypocritical and everything always seems so messed up but at the same time we are doing better than previous generations (you couldn't pay me to live anytime earlier) and it's so amazing seeing how we can help each other and what we are willing to do for others and knowing that it can get better but the problem is that it doesn't make me feel less sick about the bad without sounding wacky and/or ungrateful

[apenitentialprayer]

i know that as a catholic you just have to believe with what the church says but i really dont like the belief of the original sin, i feel like its such a horrible thing to believe about yourself and about other human beings too

There are actually ways of legitimately dissenting from less essential Church teachings in a way that leaves you in good standing with the Church; I'm not sure if Original Sin is one of those things, though, to be honest.

But, anon, I'm going to offer another perspective here, starting from a quote (perhaps ironically?) from my favorite heretic. One of the things that James Carroll believes is that Original Sin has been given a bad wrap. In Constantine's Sword, he says:

I referred to Augustine’s assertion of the idea that the human condition implies a perennial state of finitude, weakness, and sin, all of which will be overcome, even for the Church, only with the end of time. [...] Augustine is thus regarded as the father of a severe, flesh-hating, sin-obsessed theology, but that dark characterization misses the point of his insight. His honest admission of the universality of human woundedness is a precondition for both self-acceptance and the forgiveness of the other, which for Augustine always involved the operation of God’s grace, God’s gift. Only humans capable of confronting the moral tragedy of existence, matched to God’s offer of repairing grace, are capable of community, and community is the antidote to human woundedness. Augustine sensed that relationship as being at the heart of God, and he saw it as being at the heart of human hope, too. This is a profoundly humane vision.

I wish I had understood the spirit of this quote when I was in high school. I remember learning in my World History class that Islam teaches that all children are born good, and then the world makes them evil. And I remember my teacher asking how that compares with Christianity, and I raised my hand and said that Christianity teaches that all of us are born evil. Because I believed that at the time. And, really, the whole framing of that question was wrong and gave really simplistic representations of what Islam and Christianity teaches, but I don't think we're alone in having internalized that understanding, anon. And that's a shame.

I thin it's important to remember the worldview that the doctrine of Original Sin is actively defending us against; there was an idea, that gets called "Pelagianism" (the poor guy it got named after may not even have believed it), that said that humans were capable of being saved on their own, by their own power. Someone on this site recently asked what people's thoughts on Pelagianism were, so you can read my thoughts here. But to keep it short and sweet, I think Original Sin is an important doctrine because it saves you from the need to be perfect.

There are ways to treat Original Sin that I think are certainly unhealthy, and I think the doctrine can be a source of anxiety and fear. But I also think, very deeply, that Original Sin should be a reason why we treat ourselves and especially our neighbor with kindness and understanding. I can look at myself and say "What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate. […] For I do not do the good that I want, but I do the evil I do not want" (Romans 7:15, 19). And I can say that because I know I am ontologically wounded; that all of us have our weaknesses. That while we may still be in the moral wrong for committing a morally wrong action, our wills are compromised in a way that causes us to incline towards the comfortable and the easy rather than the good.

I wish I could go back in time and tell that class that Christianity does not teach that people are born evil. I wish I could go back and tell them that it teaches that we are born in a state of dis-integration, that we are wounded beings yearning for wholeness; alienated beings seeking everlasting belonging; beings lost in darkness, seeking the light. But I can say it now: the doctrine of Original Sin doesn't have to be an occasion to think you're depraved and without value, but it can be an invitation to come to terms with your own woundedness, because doing that (to use the words of Lutheran theologian Nancy Eiesland) "opens a space for the inflowing of grace and acceptance."

[petersasteria]

The Life of A Mobster's Wife || Arvin Russell

Russell || Main || Taglist

Mob!Arvin x Reader (Modern AU) Requested? Nah 9,818 words (pls send feedback bc this is the longest mob fic i've done and i want to know if it's alright or if i should just leave the mob au alone sksk) W: asshole!arvin, doesn't follow canon, curse words, killing, cheating, so many fucked up shit

* * * *

Being married to a mobster wasn’t easy. Everything has to be kept under wraps whilst having a lavish lifestyle. But when you’re young, you’re naive and you think that everything will work out and you’ll live happily ever after like some Disney fairytale. Everyone seems to forget that Disney princess stories were adapted from the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen. You didn’t know that your life would take such a dark turn the moment you met Arvin. The second he smiled at you, you were a goner. You were hooked on him; addicted. Everything should’ve been a red flag and the people around you told you that something about him seemed off. That should have alarmed you, but you took what they said personally. One by one, they all left you and only Arvin was left by your side. That should have been a sign too.

You told yourself that you’d be happy and you were. You were together for six months and then you got married. Now, six years later, you have a son who just turned six and a husband who doesn’t even sleep in the same bed as you anymore. You didn’t know what went wrong, but everything suddenly changed.

Arvin made sure you and your son were away from him, so he bought a big apartment in the Upper East Side for both of you. Arvin would stay there sometimes, but most of the time, he was working; killing, kidnapping people for ransom, selling weapons, selling drugs, etc. He wanted you away from those especially, Hayden; your son.

You wanted for things to change because Hayden hardly ever sees Arvin and they don’t have a connection. You also wanted another baby and you felt like Arvin was too busy for that. Wanting to focus on your husband, you decided it was best to hire a nanny to attend to your son’s needs. However, it was difficult to look for a nanny when you’re keeping everything a secret. You were lucky enough to hire a personal doctor.

Amelia Avery Hudson is a trauma surgeon, but you hired her as your personal doctor to treat your husband and his men if they have wounds. The other doctors you asked turned down your offer. When you asked Amelia, she immediately agreed. Amelia didn’t really have a choice. She applied because she needed to pay her student loans back. Plus, she needed to keep a roof over her head and rent was expensive in New York. She’s a fresh graduate and she had trouble finding a job that fitted her career path. Your offer was perfect and she saw it just in time. She hoped that no one took the job yet and luck was on her side because she’s been your personal doctor ever since.

Amelia’s only there during the evening from 7PM until 12 midnight. Having signed an NDA, she had no one to tell about the things she’s seen. She knew that if she even tried, Arvin would somehow find out and kill her with no mercy. She didn’t want to risk it.

Amelia’s feisty, but she was nice. The poor girl had a terrible life. She kept moving from one foster home to another when she was younger. Because of that, she grew up strong. She’s a remarkable woman and you were glad that you met her. You weren’t close, but you had a good relationship with her. Sometimes, she’d entertain Hayden which meant a lot to you.

You put up a poster for the nanny position and a few applicants were interested. You looked through their resumes and interviewed them one by one. Out of everyone, only one person stood out. Her name was Celeste.

“Tell me more about yourself, Celeste.” You smiled at her. You didn’t feel comfortable interviewing people in your apartment, so you always made sure the interviewees met you in your favorite restaurant in the upper east side.

“I-I’m Celeste Regina Dela Cruz. Eighteen years old. Um-”

“I know those things.” You laughed. “It’s on your resume. Just loosen up and tell me about yourself. Would it make you more comfortable if I went first?”

Celeste nodded, clearly intimidated. You smiled and said, “I’m Y/N Russell and I never finished college because I got married. I dropped out and left everything behind to be with my husband. I was also pregnant when we got married, so we never really had a decent alone time. I volunteer a lot for my son’s school and I make sure that my son has everything. Right now, he’s on a waiting list for multiple colleges.”

“Wait, how old is he?”

“He’s 6 years old.” You said before taking a sip of water. “It’s nice to be prepared, though. At least we know that he has a slot when the time comes.”

Celeste nodded and you motioned for her to start talking about herself. She widened her eyes and opened her mouth to talk, but the waiter arrived with your food. You both thanked the waiter and began eating.

“Please continue, Celeste.” You said as you took a bite of your food.

“I’m Celeste and I’m from the Philippines.” She said. “No wonder your accent is thick.” You pointed out and nodded for her to continue.

“I was able to come here because my tita- ay sorry- aunt; my aunt brought me here a year ago. I graduated high school, but I can’t go to college yet because my aunt is sick and she’s the one who pays for my schooling. College is very expensive and we can’t afford it anymore because of my aunt’s medicines.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You frowned. You felt bad, truly. Here you were, a college dropout but you’re living a luxurious lifestyle. Of course, that’s all thanks to Arvin. You were just lucky that you married a rich man. But as you sat in front of Celeste, you felt the need to do something nice for her. After all, in your mind, she was hired already.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Celeste smiled. “We’re getting by. My friend told me to apply to you and that’s why I’m here.”

“I understand.” You said as you folded your hands on the table. “When can you start?”

“Ha? What?” Celeste furrowed her eyebrows.

“You’re hired, Celeste.” You chuckled. “When can you start?”

“Um… as soon as possible!” Celeste exclaimed and you nodded.

“Pack your things and I’ll send for Pemberley to pick you up at your home address. I’d just like to confirm that your address on your resume is still your home, yes?” You asked and she nodded quickly.

“Okay. I’ll give it to Pemberley. He’ll pick you up at 9:30AM sharp.” You grinned. You both shook hands and continued eating.

The next day, you welcomed Celeste in your apartment and gave her a tour. She looked amazed at everything and it was entertaining to see. You told her that she wasn’t allowed in the master bedroom unless told and she wasn’t allowed in Arvin’s office.

You looked at your watch and gasped, “Oh, my! I’m late for a meeting. Make yourself at home and don’t forget to pick up Hayden from pre-school at 2:15. I have a note for you in your room. Please read it.” You quickly grabbed your bag and coat and left.

Celeste stood there and made her way to her room. After roaming around for 2 minutes, she finally saw her room and read the note.

Hello, Celeste! These are the rules:

Hayden can’t eat seafood. He is allergic.

No sugar-y or chocolate-y drinks before bed. Only one glass of milk with no sugar.

Sandwiches are not allowed to be eaten in his room because of crumbs.

If Hayden has no classes, you may take him to the park or the museum. As long as there are only a few people.

Stay away from crowded places. I beg.

Give Hayden a bath before bed.

Call me only when severe emergencies happen.

Your laundry schedule is the same as Hayden’s; TTh.

Always bring a small first aid kit in your bag and make sure you have a full container of hand sanitizer AT ALL TIMES.

Keep an eye on Hayden. He is your main priority.

P.S. Have fun! Eat whatever you want and if you need anything, please give Jose your own list before he goes grocery shopping.

Celeste taped the note on the wall next to her bed and started unpacking her things. She looked at her watch and realized that it was time to pick up Hayden from school. She quickly grabbed her small bag and ran to the front door.

Hayden’s school was just around the corner, so it was easy for Celeste to pick him up. There were many nannies waiting for kids to be picked up and Celeste was a bit overwhelmed that her job was actually starting. She never had training or anything.

A few more minutes of waiting, the door opened and out came a plethora of running and screaming children. During the apartment tour you gave her from hours before, she remembered you showing her a family picture that was recently taken. With that in mind, Celeste was able to remember what Hayden looked like.

Celeste looked around and saw a young boy by the steps, looking around. “Hayden!” Celeste shouted, causing the boy to look at her. Celeste walked over and said, “Hayden Russell?”

The boy nodded. She smiled, “I’m your new nanny. My name is Celeste.”

Using his manners, Hayden shook Celeste’s hand. Celeste grinned and took Hayden’s bag from him. She held his hand and they walked home. The walk home was short and quiet, but it was comfortable. When they walked into the fancy apartment building and into the elevator, Hayden spoke up.

“Can I call you ‘Celie’, instead? Like a super agent secret name? It’ll be cool.” Hayden said, causing Celeste to smile at him.

“Sure!” Celeste said.

When they arrived in the apartment unit, you were already home. Hayden ran up to you and you bent down to pick him up and hug him.

“How was school?” You asked as you kissed his forehead.

“It was fun! We learned so many things and we had arts and crafts and we-”

“That’s great, sweetie!” You smiled before putting him down. “You can play sudoku in the living room.”

Hayden made a face, “But I hate sudoku.”

“Yes, but it’ll help you stimulate your brain. Think of it as a mental exercise.” You grinned before softly nudging him to the living room where his sudoku book was waiting for him on the coffee table. Hayden begrudgingly walked to the living room and you turned to Celeste, “We need to talk.”

You turned around and walked to your husband’s office. He wasn’t there anyway and you had the freedom to speak business there. “Follow me.” You said without looking behind you. Celeste was scared shitless. She did the sign of the cross and prayed on her way to Arvin’s office.

“Aba Ginoong Maria, napupuno ka ng grasya, Ang Panginoong Diyos ay sumasaiyo. Bukod kang pinagpala sa babaeng lahat at pinagpala rin naman ang anak mong si Hesus. Santa Maria, Ina ng Diyos, ipanalangin mo kaming makasalanan ngayon at kung kami’y mamamatay. Amen. (Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you amongst women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners. Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.)” Celeste muttered under her breath. You opened the door to Arvin’s office and was immediately met with the darkness due to the closed curtains and lights that were not switched on. The only light present was the sun’s light peeping through the spaces between the curtains. You walked in and Celeste followed suit and closed the door behind her.

You sat on Arvin’s chair and read the papers that you previously laid there on the table. “Please, sit.” You motioned for her to sit in front of you and she did.

“I told you that I had a meeting earlier. I met with important people and we went through your records.” You told Celeste. Celeste knew that she didn’t do anything wrong and that she had a clean record, but that didn’t stop her from worrying.

Was she in trouble for declining her father’s call from the Philippines? Or perhaps she was in trouble for cursing her cousin. She wasn’t sure.

“And I’d like to applaud you for having remarkable and outstanding grades. Straight A’s?! I didn’t know you were smart. You didn’t put in your resume that you were a valedictorian.” You smiled sweetly. You were impressed.

“I didn’t put it because I don’t want to be hired because I’m a valedictorian. I want to be hired because you want me for the job.” Celeste said and you nodded in understanding.

“That’s very humble of you.” You smiled. “Anyway, I submitted your records to multiple colleges and they immediately got back to me.”

You opened the drawer and took out at least ten envelopes from well known universities. You handed the envelopes to her and motioned for her to read each one.

Yale University

Stanford University

Harvard University

New York University

Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Cornell University

Brown University

University of California, Los Angeles

University of Pennsylvania

Columbia University

“I want you to look through those and read each one. You also have the freedom to check each university’s website to see what they look and what they offer and if what they’re offering is what you want, tell me.” You told her.

“That’s very nice of you, ma’am.” Celeste said, clearly overwhelmed with what you just told her. “I can’t afford it. It’s too- mahal. Ang mahal po kasi.(expensive. It’s too expensive.)”

You stared at her as she spoke to you in a foreign language. Not just any foreign language, her native language. She quickly realized what she said and said, “The tuition fee is too expensive.”

“You know, for a valedictorian, you’re kind of slow.” You joked. “Sweetie, you don’t have to worry about it because we’ll pay for your tuition fee.”

She gasped and squealed, “Thank you!”. She jumped out of her chair, did a small dance, and went up to hug you which took you by surprise. You smiled brightly and patted her arm as a sign of affection. It felt nice to do something good for once even though your husband does a lot of bad things. Sometimes you think that all the good things you’ve done are payback for all the bad things Arvin has done.

Celeste quickly let go of you and went back to her seat. She cleared her throat and apologized and you waved your hand and said that it was nothing. You debated with yourself on whether you should tell Celeste about your husband’s mob or not. You decided against it and told yourself that you’ll tell her when she asks.

“I’ll enroll you in any university you pick and I’ll make an arrangement that your tasks during the day until you pick up Hayden, are done face to face. Meaning, you’ll physically attend classes at the university of choice. Of course, that only applies here in New York.” You explained.

“Should you choose a university that isn't in New York, you'll be enrolled in online classes." You told her and she nodded.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much!" Celeste said sincerely which made you smile.

"You're welcome. Study well and you can join Hayden in the living room now. I'm sure he's done with his sudoku. He should be reading his French book now." You said as you looked at the time on your phone before standing up. Celeste stood up too and held the letters close to her chest.

"I think my husband is coming home tonight, so we'll eat dinner at his favorite restaurant. Get ready at 6PM. Knowing him, he'll be late." You said and left the office with Celeste following behind. She closed the door and quickly went to the living room to check out the letters.

You went straight to your shared bedroom with Arvin and quickly went to your walk in closet that Arvin built for you. You scanned through the rack for dresses and scanned through multiple shoes to match your dress. You knew it was still 3:30PM, but you liked being prepared.

Your phone rang and you immediately answered it without looking to see who it was. “Hello?” You answered while grabbing a cerulean colored cocktail dress from the rack and holding it against you and checking it in front of a mirror.

“Y/N, honey, it’s me.” Arvin said. His voice was raspy and there’s no doubt that it’s because of his smoking habit. He’s trying to lessen it because according to him, he didn’t want to have cancer and he didn’t want his life cut short. Despite that, he still smoked… less than before. He was really trying. Key word: trying.

“You’re smoking right now, huh?” You asked, already tired of his shit. You loved him so much, but you didn’t have the energy of being his wife anymore. Probably because he doesn’t treat you like one.

“Mind your own business, woman!” Arvin hissed. You knew he didn’t mean it, but it still kind of hurt. “I’m just worried about you and you said that you’ll lessen the smoking.” You said calmly. You didn’t want to fight with him; it’s useless.

“I am. This is my third stick today and it’s late in the afternoon.” Arvin said, pushing his hair back. “Anyway, I called to tell you that I’ll be coming home tonight and I’m sleeping there.”

“Wow, it’s been a while. How long will you stay here?” You asked, hiding your excitement.

“I’m taking 7 days off. Starting tomorrow.” Arvin said. He gathered his things, got up from his seat and walked out of his office. “I’m leaving The Hamptons as we speak.”

“Alright. I’ll be waiting for you.” You said.

“What’re you up to right now, darling?” He asked, exiting the mansion and went straight to the limo. The door was being held open by Jeeves, the chauffeur. Arvin got inside and Jeeves closed the door before quickly getting in and driving.

“I’m picking a dress for tonight. I made reservations because you’re coming home.” You told him and he smiled.

“That’s sweet of you, darling. I’ll text you when I’m almost home, okay?” Arvin said.

“Oh, ok-”

Arvin hung up the phone and you sighed. You put the phone on top of the small chair before picking another dress.

Hours later, you received a text from Arvin saying that he was already around the corner and that he’ll just wait for you in the limo. You quickly finished getting ready and walked out of your room wearing a steel blue dress that you knew Arvin loved. You wore heels that matched it and wore dangling earrings that you wore on your wedding anniversary.

Celeste was wearing a polka-dotted blouse and a skirt that ran until her knees. She was wearing an old pair of Mary Jane’s and her hair was neatly combed. She had a hairpin to clip it back and on her shoulder, was a ‘nanny bag’ that you gave her. Hayden was wearing black pants and a button up that you bought last year. He was wearing black sneakers to match his outfit.

All three of you left the apartment and quickly made your way to the elevator. The elevator ride was short and before you knew it, you were in the lobby. Seeing the limo from afar, Hayden ran towards it causing Celeste to run after him. You walked quickly knowing that Arvin hated waiting.

Hayden opened the limo’s door and went inside to give his father a hug. “I missed you, daddy!” Hayden said with a smile and kissed his cheek. Arvin hugged back tightly and kissed the top of his head.

Arvin loved Hayden. The boy was like a copy of him and Hayden was Arvin’s most prized possession. He was the reason that Arvin worked hard and he was the reason that Arvin is sane. Although he doesn’t mind having more kids, Hayden was more than enough for him and he was content with that.

“I missed you too, buddy!” Arvin smiled widely and sat Hayden on his lap. Hayden started talking about what happened while he was away and Arvin was listening. Celeste went inside the limo and sat across from Arvin causing him to glance at Celeste up and down with furrowed eyebrows. You quickly got in the limo next to Arvin and closed the door. Jeeves asked if everyone was ready and you said yes. Jeeves started driving and he turned the music down a bit.

This caught your attention and you internally groaned. You looked at Arvin and quietly said, “Really? You’re playing this music again?”

Not leaving his gaze on Celeste, he said, “My limo, my music.”

You rolled your eyes and looked out the window. Arvin’s music played through the speakers and you decided to help yourself with a glass of champagne just to get through the night.

“Are you washed? (Are you washed?) In the blood (In the blood) In the soul cleansing blood of the lamb?”

The music filled the quiet limo, Hayden stopped talking a minute ago, finding the scenery more amusing than his own stories. Arvin nudged you and whispered, “Who the hell is the chick?”

“Hayden’s new nanny.” You whispered. “I hired her yesterday. She’s from the Philippines and-”

“You know what? I’ll interview her during dinner.” Arvin cut you off. “I already interviewed her and she’s qualified.” You hissed.

“Really? Doesn’t seem like it.” Arvin said. “I’ll do the talking. You already got to know her and it’s my turn now. I want the best for my son.”

“She’s very intelligent, you know.”

“I don’t give a shit, Y/N.”

“Daddy said a no-no word.” Hayden said, his eyes not leaving the window. “Also, can I get a puppy? Jason’s daddy bought him a new puppy and I want one too.”

“Tomorrow.” Arvin answered. “I’ll pick you up after school and we’ll buy a puppy.”

“Arvin, babe, he’s not responsible enough for a puppy yet.” You told him, but Arvin shrugged you off. He didn’t care what you thought. If his son wants a puppy, he’s getting a puppy.

You arrived at the restaurant and immediately got out of the car. You went down first and Hayden followed after. Arvin glanced at Celeste and motioned for her to get out first and she did. Arvin was last and he closed the door behind him. “Buy yourself some food, Jeeves.” Arvin said as he handed $200 to Jeeves through the driver’s side. “Pick us up when I text you. Don’t be too far, alright?”

“Yes, sir.” Jeeves said before driving off.

You all waited for Arvin and all four of you entered the fancy restaurant. The hostess led you to your table that had a small card that said: ‘Reserved for Mrs. Russell’ in cursive. All four of you sat down and the hostess provided menus for you, Arvin, and Celeste. A kids’ menu was handed to Hayden and he smiled and thanked the hostess. Holding a menu made Hayden feel like a real man. He wanted to be just like his father and that scared you because Hayden doesn’t know about Arvin’s job. Neither did Celeste and you felt sick to your stomach knowing that you brought two innocent people in danger. If things get worse, you’ll fire Celeste and let her go back to her family while you make sure that traces of her are gone. After all, if they find Celeste, she might get killed. Chances are, her family gets killed too. It’s all connected.

Anyway, all Hayden knew was that his father takes down bad guys. To him, Arvin’s a hero. But you knew better. Hayden will find out when he’s older. One day, he’ll understand that not all people who take down bad guys are heroes.

You all ordered and handed the hostess back the menus. Arvin took a sip of his water and cleared his throat before turning his attention to Celeste. “What’s your name, and where are you from?” Arvin asked.

Celeste stared at him in shock, “A-Are you talking to me, sir?”

“Who else would I be talking to? Of course, I’m talking to you.” He scoffed which made you slap his arm lightly. “Introduce yourself to me. We haven’t met and if my wife thinks you’re qualified for this job, it is also my right to see if you’re qualified as well.”

“U-Um, okay. My name is Celeste Regina Dela Cruz and I’m from the Philippines. My aunt brought me here last year. I only graduated high school and-”

“Alright. How did you find out about this job?” Arvin asked.

“My friend told me about it, so I applied.” Celeste said. A waiter came by and poured champagne on yours and Arvin’s glasses while he poured water on Celeste’s and Hayden’s.

Arvin nodded, “Alright. Were you a nanny before this?”

“No, sir.” Celeste answered.

“So, what makes you qualified for this job? Why are you here?” Arvin questioned.

“I’m here because… I want to work and I think that being a nanny is the only way.” Celeste answered and Arvin nodded before turning to you.

“Have you discussed her salary?” He asked and you shook your head. He nodded and turned to Celeste, “Will $100 a day be enough?”

“Yes, sir.” Celeste nodded furiously.

“Alright, then. $100, it is. I’ll give you extra if you’re good.” He said before taking out his phone and kept himself busy. You gave Celeste a tight lipped smile and did the same.

What Arvin said struck a nerve on you. You knew of his affairs and ladies, that’s why you never visited your mansion in The Hamptons. You knew there’d be a plethora of girls who are throwing themselves at your husband. You also knew that he wasn’t faithful and you knew that because he smelled like women’s perfume and sometimes he’d have a smudge of foundation on his white shirt. You stayed with him anyway.

“Thank you, sir.” Celeste said with a small smile. She turned her attention to Hayden and entertained him with stories from back home.

“How was work?” You asked Arvin and he shrugged.

“Nothing special. Rodriguez finally paid back what he owes, so that’s that. Also, dad visited me this morning. He said that he wanted to see Hayden. I told him I’ll think about it.” Arvin said with no emotion.

Arvin’s relationship with his dad, Willard, was rocky. It was no secret that Arvin preferred the company of his mom rather than his dad. Charlotte, Arvin’s mom, was the sweetest lady you’ve ever met. She helped you with your pregnancy and she’s the one who told Arvin to keep you away from the mob things. She didn’t want Hayden to grow up in such a bloody environment. Besides, it wasn’t safe. She’d occasionally visit you and Hayden when she’s not busy.

“How were things while I was gone?” Arvin asked.

“Same old. The only new thing was hiring Celeste.” You told him and he nodded. He moved closer to you and asked in a low voice, “Does she know?”

You shook your head and he nodded, “Good. It should be kept that way.”

“We’ll be paying for her college education.” You said quietly and Arvin’s head quickly turned to you as he glared daggers at you. You paid him no mind as you took a sip of your champagne. “We’ll talk later.” Arvin said sternly.

The waiter arrived with your orders and all four of you began eating in silence. Celeste was too awkward to start a conversation, Hayden didn’t know what to say, Arvin will talk to you later in his office, and you didn’t want to engage in a conversation nor start it.

After that, you ordered desserts. You initially didn’t plan to order any, but Hayden wanted the strawberry cake that he saw at the other table. Therefore, Arvin ordered four slices of that. As Arvin took bites of it, he chuckled which made you look at him through your peripheral vision.

“What’s so funny?” You asked, before eating the cake that was on your fork and chewing it. Arvin shook his head, “Nothing. I just remembered our wedding cake. It was similar to this.”

You smiled at the thought and nodded, “Yeah, they are similar.”

Your complicated marriage with Arvin made you stressed. You didn’t know how to act around him, but he was a great actor. He acted like he wasn’t cheating on you, he acted like he wanted the domesticated life, he acted like everything about his family was normal, and above all, he acted like he was still in love with you.

The truth is, Arvin isn’t in love with you anymore. But he loved you; he still does. He will never stop loving and caring about you. He just doesn’t get the same feelings as he used to. Before, one look at you gave him butterflies in his stomach and the world turned into slow motion. Now, he looks at you and he feels nothing. In his mind, you’re just his wife and the mother of his child. He didn’t know what to do anymore, but he knew he couldn’t leave you. Leaving you would ruin him because he knew you’d take Hayden away from him.

Being unfaithful wasn’t part of his plan, but it just happened. Then it kept happening with different girls and he hated himself every time. He knew that you knew. After all, he wasn’t discreet about it either. Both of you just pretend that nothing’s happening, it’s all swept under the rug and it’s killing you.

After dessert, Arvin texted Jeeves to pick you up as you called a waiter for your bill. After paying, Jeeves was already outside. Celeste got up from her seat and carried Hayden, who was falling asleep already. You and Arvin followed.

The ride home was shorter and quicker. When you arrived in the apartment, Celeste went straight to Hayden’s room with him fast asleep in her arms. Arvin cleared his throat which caught your attention. You looked at him and he nodded his head towards his office. He went there and you trailed behind him.

When he opened the door, he switched on the lights and went straight to his desk. You entered and closed the door. You sat in front of him and waited for him to talk.

“Since when were we paying for someone else’s education?” Arvin asked.

“Since now.” You answered boldly. He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded, “Why?”

“I’ve seen her records. She’s a valedictorian and she deserves to go to college. Her aunt can’t pay for it and I volunteered. It’s a little ‘thank you’ for taking care of Hayden. Taking care of a child isn’t easy.” You explained.

“That’s her job. Her little ‘thank you’ is her salary.” Arvin said with his thick accent.

“She deserves more than that.” You told him. “We have so much money, anyway. Paying for her college education won’t even cause a dent in our bank account. Besides, you told her that if she’s good, you’ll give her extra cash. Now, what do you mean by that?”

You and Arvin stared at each other in silence. The tension was thick. It was obvious that you both have problems that you refused to bring up.

“Let’s go to bed.” Arvin said after a minute. He stood up and you stood up too. Both of you left his office and he turned the lights off. He went straight to your shared bedroom and you went to Hayden’s bedroom. When you peeked inside, Hayden was already asleep and wearing his pajamas. You took off your shoes and walked to his bed. You laid down next to him and hugged him as tears streamed down your face.

Being Arvin’s wife wasn’t easy and it wasn’t like the fantasy you had initially thought. You wanted a happy family, but Arvin doesn’t even lay with you anymore. Your day was tiring and chaotic with a mix of high and low emotions. You knew that it would repeat the next day and you already dreaded it. For now, you’ll just cuddle your 6-year-old son and try to get some sleep.

The next few days consisted of doing your daily tasks. The only difference is, Arvin was home and he joined in various tasks. He accompanied Celeste in picking up Hayden at school and true to his word, Arvin bought Hayden a puppy.

Now, the puppy is part of your daily tasks too. Hayden named his puppy 'Jack' and he loved it. Part of his new daily life, Hayden always made sure that Jack was nearby whenever he did anything whether it be sudoku or reading his French picture books.

Arvin loved Jack too. He even swore to Jack that he'd come home often. You rolled your eyes at that, but chose not to say anything. While you thought that nothing in your marriage will surprise you, you thought wrong. After his 7 days off, Arvin came home every night solely because of Jack and Hayden.

'Perfect.' You thought. 'At least he's coming home every night.'

It was now Sunday which meant that Hayden had horseback riding lessons at the back of your mansion in The Hamptons. Celeste was watching over Hayden with her cheap sunglasses on. The skirt of her dress was slightly lifting up due to the wind. You offered your hat to her, but she declined. She said that she was used to the sun because of the weather in the Philippines.

You and Arvin were in his office looking over Celeste’s university of choice. You were making calls and Arvin was checking out the university’s website on his laptop. You were currently on hold and you grabbed Celeste’s acceptance letter from Arvin’s desk. The envelope was open and you sat down on Arvin’s desk as you took out the letter from the envelope and read it.

Cornell University

Celeste Regina Dela Cruz 2264 Oak Street Manhattan, New York 10021

Dear Celeste Regina:

Congratulations on your acceptance into the College of Engineering at Cornell University! We are very pleased to be welcoming you to this coming academic year.

Very soon, you will receive your official letter of acceptance from us in the mail. We are excited that you will be joining the Cornell community and know that you will make a very positive contribution to the university.

Best regards,

Amanda K. Bishop Associate Vice Provost for Enrollment Cornell University

ENROLL AND DEPOSIT ONLINE: Please retain the URL and PIN provided in the notification email you received, as well as the password you created to view this letter. You will need all three in order to log in again to complete the Enrollment Response Form and submit your enrollment deposit.

You finished reading and before you knew it, you weren’t on hold anymore. You began talking to the person in charge and Arvin glanced at you from time to time while scrolling through Cornell’s website.

“I think she’ll enjoy Cornell, darling.” Arvin said, exiting Cornell’s site and you glanced at him and gave him a thumbs up before turning your attention to the call again. After an hour, you end the call and turn to Arvin.

“They agreed to let her do online classes and occasionally attend classes physically.” You informed him and he nodded.

“Do you think Hayden will get into Cornell? It’s a nice university.” Arvin asked. “I don’t really care where he gets in. I’ll be proud regardless.”

You gave him a small smile and said, “That’s wonderful. Speaking of Hayden, his horseback riding lessons should be done by now. Let’s go.”

You left Arvin’s office and he quickly followed behind you. “Is there something wrong?” He asked and you shook your head, not saying anything.

Days went on that way. You talked to Arvin less and less and he was starting to catch on to that. He also noticed that you don’t sleep next to him anymore and that you always made sure that you weren’t home when he comes home from the mob business.

-

The party was in full swing and the children were having so much fun. Arvin wasn’t a fan of parties, but he decided that it would be nice to have other children around the apartment. Hayden’s friends and classmates played around and the nannies were all huddled in one corner as they watched the children. Some of them even played with Jack.

You were with the parents and you couldn’t find Arvin. It was time for Hayden to blow the candles and you wanted you and Arvin to be there beside him. You looked for him everywhere and you forgot to check his home office. ‘He’s most likely in there.’ You told yourself.

Without knocking, you walked in and gasped when you saw the sight in front of you. The back of Arvin’s chair was facing you, but you didn’t need the chair to fully face you to know what they’re doing. A young woman, in her early 20s, was sitting on Arvin’s lap and you could see her bouncing up and down. Arvin wasn’t even hiding the fact that he was enjoying it. You quickly left and closed the door.

You knew he was cheating on you, but seeing him in action made it so real. You told yourself that you weren’t going to cry, but the tears you held back were freely streaming down your face. You quickly wiped them away and Celeste saw you.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” She asked. She was worried about you. You faked a smile and nodded, “Yeah, I’m alright. I just can’t believe that Hayden is 7 already! Time flies by so fast.”

Celeste nodded and smiled, “Okay. Hayden wants to blow his cake now.”

“Okay. Tell him to get ready.” You told her and she nodded, quickly leaving you alone. You glanced at the door of Arvin’s office and debated on calling Arvin’s attention or not. You decided that you weren’t going to call for him. If he cared about the little family you made, he would have the decency to not cheat on you on your son’s birthday. With that in mind, you held your head high and walked to the kitchen where everyone was waiting. Hayden was sitting on the bar stool while his cake was placed in front of him, on top of the countertop.

You smiled brightly at him and stood next to him. You kissed his cheek and gave him a side hug. “Where’s daddy?” Hayden asked you, looking up at you with innocent eyes.

“He’s busy cheating on mommy, sweetheart.” You wanted to say so bad, but you held back. It wasn’t nice to bring personal problems to parties. Especially your 7-year-old son’s party.

“He’s answering an important call for work, buddy. He’ll catch up later.” You lied. Hayden frowned, but his mood changed when everyone started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ while some took pictures of you two. Celeste lit the candle that was shaped like the number 7. After the song, Hayden closed his eyes and made a wish before blowing his candle. Everyone clapped and you gave everyone a slice of cake.

When everyone was eating, Arvin finally walked out of his office with the young woman with him. He gave her $100 and whispered, “This is for not telling anyone and for spending time with me.” He winked at her and she blushed before quickly walking off to the kid she was watching.

Unbeknownst to them, Celeste saw the whole thing. She looked at you, Hayden, and Arvin and she looked torn. She wanted to tell you, but she was scared of Arvin. She thought that he was sketchy and she didn’t fully trust him. If she doesn't tell you, she’ll feel bad. So she quickly went to her room, called her sister and sat on her bed.

Toni, her sister, answered, “Oh, bakit ka napatawag? (Why did you call?)”

“May chika ako! Tangina, ‘di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko. (I have tea! Fuck, I don’t know what to do.)” Celeste said. She was panicking in her room and she truly didn’t know what to do.

“Ano ‘yon? (What is it?)” Toni asked.

“‘Di ako sigurado pero parang nambababae itong tatay ng alaga ko. Sabihin ko kaya sa asawa niya? (I’m not sure, but I think the dad of the kid I’m taking care of is cheating on his wife. What if I tell his wife?)” Celeste bit her nails nervously. Toni was quiet and said, “Ikaw bahala. Kung sa tingin mong kakainin ka ng konsensya mo, sabihin mo na. Kung kaya mong magkunwari na wala kang alam, edi ‘wag mo sabihin. (It’s up to you. If you think that your conscience will eat you alive, tell her. If you can pretend that you don’t know anything, then don’t say anything.)”

“Kung ikaw nasa pwesto ko, ano gagawin mo? (If you were in my place, what would you do?)”

“Wala. Kunwari wala akong alam. Saka ko na lang sasabihin pag tinanong ako. (Nothing. I’ll pretend that I don’t know anything. I’ll just tell her if she asks me.)” Toni answered.

“Sige. Chat nalang kita mamaya. Kailangan na ako sa labas. (Okay. I’ll chat with you later. I think they need me outside.)”

“Okay, bye!” Toni said before hanging up. Celeste took a deep breath and walked out of her room.

Some people were already leaving and Celeste immediately grabbed a big garbage bag to pick up the paper plates and paper cups that were left behind.

“Where have you been?” You asked Celeste sweetly. She jumped at the sound of your voice which was weird because she wasn’t jumpy.

“I-I went to my room to talk to my sister.” Celeste said. It was true, but she didn’t tell you why. You nodded and said, “Send her my regards.”

Celeste nodded and proceeded to clean up. You walked away and thanked your guests for coming to Hayden’s party. You’ve been avoiding Arvin for hours now and it was like he wanted to talk to you alone. You didn’t want to.

When everything was clean, it was already time for Hayden’s nighttime yoga routine. He quickly went to his room and started getting dressed in his yoga outfit. Celeste went to her room to grab her books, so that she could read while Hayden did his yoga. Jack went with them and Celeste was more than happy to know that the dog was joining them.

It was only you and Arvin in the living room. The tension was thick. You closed the door after the last guest left and Arvin started talking, “Why didn’t you call me when Hayden blew out his candle?”

“Was I supposed to?” You snapped and gave him a death glare which he seemed to return.

“Of course you were supposed to! I’m his dad and I should be there for him!”

“Why weren’t you present for most of the day, then? Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I needed help with Hayden’s gifts? When I needed someone to give drinks to the adults, where were you? You weren’t around, Arvin. You were busy with God knows what!” You raised your voice.

“What are you saying?!” Arvin shouted.

“I’m saying that you’re not there for me and you haven’t been for a long fucking time!” You shouted back. This started a screaming match between the two of you. You didn’t even notice how loud you were shouting.

Hayden stopped doing yoga and looked at Celeste, “What’s going on?” Celeste looked at Hayden while listening closely. She sighed and told him, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Celeste walked out of Hayden’s room not knowing that Hayden followed her out. She only realized that Hayden followed her when she heard Hayden shout, “Stop fighting!”

You and Arvin stopped to turn your heads to Hayden who was already crying at the sight of his angry parents. The sight of Hayden crying made you cry too. You walked towards him, but he ran away to hide in his room. He locked the door and Celeste was just standing there awkwardly.

You wiped away your tears and to your surprise, Celeste spoke up. “Ma’am, sir, um, please don’t fight anymore because Hayden will not like it. If you can’t stop fighting each other, do it for Hayden.” Celeste said softly as she looked at both of you.

“Hayden is a very nice kid and he’s very smart and he’s very obedient. He does everything you tell him to do even if he doesn’t like it because he knows that it will make you happy. He doesn’t deserve to have parents that are fighting all the time and he doesn’t deserve a family that has problems. If you have problems, just talk about it. Don’t yell.” Celeste told both of you. She was trying to be a peacemaker and both of you commended her for it. It wasn’t her job to be a peacemaker, but she’s being one right now.

“Sir, I saw you a while ago at the party with a girl and you gave her money. Being unfaithful is not nice. You should be faithful to your wife because she’s doing her best. If you don’t love her anymore, why are you here?” Celeste said. You knew she didn’t mean anything wrong, but Arvin took it the wrong way.

“Excuse me?” Arvin asked, offended. “I’m offended that you had to ask me why I’m here. I’m here because I live here. It’s my money, it’s my apartment, and everything here is from me! So don’t ask me why I’m-”

“She’s right, Arvin.” You said and turned to look at him. “I’m tired of all this fighting and all this pretending. From now on, I’ll sleep in Hayden’s room. If you enjoy sleeping with different women, you’re surely going to enjoy sleeping alone.” You snapped before leaving the living room to go to the bathroom to wash up.

Arvin glared at Celeste angrily and she said, “Sir, I understand if you fire me. It’s fine. I’m sorry for disrespecting you in your house. But before you fire me, think about what I said, sir. Also, think about your son. You can’t take care of him because of your job and your wife can’t take care of him because she’s busy with different things. If you fire me, no one else will look out for Hayden. Thank you for listening, sir.”

Celeste looked down and went to Hayden’s room in hopes that she could coax him into unlocking the door and letting her in.

Arvin sighed in distress and rubbed his face with his hands before going to the master’s bedroom and slamming the door.

-

Arvin didn’t know what happened. All he remembered was going to an event that was attended by his mob allies when all of a sudden, his rival mob attacked them all. A lot of shooting happened and he was sure that his mob friends were killed. He hoped they weren’t.

People were screaming and he heard someone crying at some point. His people were scattered everywhere and he didn’t know if they were alright. He didn’t get out scott-free, though. He got shot on his side and he was shooting his rivals all while trying to get out of the venue to get in the car and go back to his mansion.

When he arrived, Amelia was already on her feet and doing her tasks. She was the only doctor, but she pushed through and it amazed Arvin how Amelia could help them. He admired her and thought that she was strong. Her job isn’t easy, after all.

A few hours of taking out bullets from bodies and declaring one person dead on arrival, Amelia was finally finished with her job. She was in Arvin’s office to get her paycheck while Arvin wrote her salary on a check.

“$20,000” Arvin wrote before handing it to her with a tight-lipped smile. Amelia took the check gratefully.

“Thank you, Mr. Russell.” Amelia smiled before grabbing her bag and leaving. Arvin sighed and leaned back on his chair. He hasn’t been home for a while and Hayden didn’t want to speak with him whenever he called you to talk to Hayden. It broke his heart.

He put a hand on his gun wound and closed his eyes to rest for a while to think about his life. He never really thought that his life would turn out like this, but he knew that someday he’d have to take over the mob. When he took over, that’s when he met you.

In truth, he didn’t know how or what to feel when it comes to you. He’s confused. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing which made him groan. He opened his eyes, grabbed his phone, and answered it without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Hello, Russell.” His rival, George, said. Arvin could almost imagine the smug look on George’s face. Arvin gripped his phone tighter, “What do you want? You killed one of my men. Isn’t that enough?”

“Quite frankly, no. I would send my condolences to the deceased family, but I don’t really give a shit. Besides, it would teach you a lesson from stealing from me!”

“For the last time, I didn’t steal from you!” Arvin shouted.

“Your men joined my mob and stole from me!”

“It’s not stealing if they’re getting what’s rightfully ours.” Arvin hissed. “If anything, you stole from me!”

George scoffed, “If you really think that way, fine. Just know that you’ll pay for it.”

“I’m not paying for anything, George.” Arvin chuckled bitterly before pouring himself some scotch with one hand.

“Not even for your family?” George asked. “Wow, that shit’s cold.”

“What’re you talking about?” Arvin asked with furrowed eyebrows as he took a sip of his drink.

“Oh, you’re not informed?” George said sarcastically. “Your wife and son are here with me. If you don’t give me back what you stole from me, I’ll kill them. You know where to find me, Russell.”

George hung up and Arvin yelled in frustration. He sat up and winced because of his wound. He ran a hand through his hair and thought about how he’ll save you and Hayden. Him and his men talked about plans and when they were able to finalize, they wasted no time in going to George’s place.

The plan was going to George and giving him a duffel bag filled with rocks, so that he’ll think it’s the thing he was looking for; the thing he claimed Arvin’s men stole. Arvin decided that it’d be best for his men to ‘give it back’ to George while he and a few guys would look for you and Hayden.

Arvin heard George shouting about everything being fake and he heard gunshots. In a span of a few hours, his mob was shooting people again. He heard Hayden’s familiar cries and followed it while being covered by Javier, one of his men.

When Arvin found the room where George kept you and Hayden, he gasped when he saw you lying in your own blood, unconscious next to a weeping Hayden.

“Daddy!” Hayden cried and it made Arvin’s heart break. He had so many questions running through his mind. How long have you been unconscious? Why are you unconscious? Did they hurt both of you? Where’s Celeste?

Arvin quickly untied Hayden and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around him. “It’s okay, buddy. Everything’ll be okay.” Arvin whispered and kissed the top of Hayden’s head. He lets go of Hayden and knelt beside your body. He untied you and panicked when he saw multiple gun wounds on you. He knew that if you stayed longer, you’d die.

Arvin turned to Hayden and said, “Listen to me, okay? Take care of mommy and don’t go anywhere. Got it?”

Hayden nodded and wiped his tears. “Are you coming back?”

“Of course, I’m coming back.” Arvin reassured him. He stood up and quickly left the room and shot every person from his rival mob. When he saw George, all Arvin saw was red and started beating the shit out of his rival.

George didn’t get a chance to defend himself because Arvin just kept throwing punches and hits. Arvin wanted George dead for bringing his family into their problems. Arvin didn’t care about George’s bloody and bruised state. Arvin pushed George to the ground and whipped out his gun.

“This is for my family.” Arvin panted. He looked at George in the eye and shot his head mercilessly. He looked at his surroundings and saw that almost everyone in George’s mob was dead and the few that were alive, are either unconscious or terribly bruised.

Arvin ran back to the room and picked up Hayden. “I told you I’d be back.” He said as Hayden rested his head on the crook of Arvin’s neck.

Arvin ordered one of his men to carry you and immediately drove to the mansion. Arvin called Amelia and said that he needed her ASAP.

“Mr. Russell, it’s late and it’s not my schedule.” Amelia said groggily. She was already deeply sleeping and Arvin disturbed her greatly.

“I know, I know and I’m sorry. I need you ASAP, Amelia. It’s my wife this time.” Arvin said frantically. They arrived at the mansion and rushed you to the medical room where Amelia was hours before.

Hayden was asleep in Arvin’s arms and he went to his room to let Hayden sleep there comfortably. He hears shuffling around on Amelia’s end as he did his best to tuck Hayden in.

“I’m on my way.” Amelia said.

“Okay, please hurry.” Arvin pleaded before hanging up. He looked at Hayden and smiled a bit at the sight of his son fast asleep. He quietly left the room and rushed to the medical room where you were being kept. He wasn’t a doctor and he didn’t know what to do. Time was running out and for the first time in years, he finally saw you.

He finally realized how important you are in his life. He finally realized that it would hurt him deeply if you were gone. He couldn’t imagine going on with life without you by his side. He didn’t notice Amelia walking in the medical room and he only acknowledged her presence when he was being escorted out of the room by her.

“Wait, no! I want to say, Am-”

“You know you can’t.” Amelia said sternly. “It’s protocol. You can’t be here. Just wait outside.” Amelia pushed the mobster out the room and locked it. The whole time he waited, Arvin was pacing back and forth. He was restless. Who wouldn’t be? If your spouse is undergoing a procedure, you’d want to know about them, right? Arvin had no clue how you were doing.

Three hours later, the door opened and Amelia stepped out of the room. She was clearly tired. Arvin stopped pacing and stared at Amelia who only said, “She’s okay.”

“Thank you.” Arvin sighed in relief as he walked towards the room.

“You don’t need to pay me. Consider it a freebie. I know what it’s like to grow up without a mom at a young age and I don’t want that to happen to Hayden. Take care, sir.” Amelia smiled softly before leaving.

Arvin went into the room and pulled up a chair to sit next to your bed. He held your hand and stared at you. It’s been a long time since he’s seen your face. You were beautiful. You always have been and always will. Seeing you unconscious scared him greatly and it made him realize how much he still loves and cares about you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry this happened to you. I mean it.” Arvin said softly. “I love you. I’m sorry it took me almost losing you to realize that. You don’t know how sorry I am, sweetheart.”

“I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt when Celeste came clean about seeing me and some other girl on Hayden’s birthday. But I know you, Y/N. I know that you’ve always had a feeling that I was unfaithful and I can’t imagine your heartbreak when you found out about it being true.”

“When we first got together, I promised I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I’m sorry for breaking that promise. I’ll be better for you, Y/N. I’ll come home and I’ll stay with you whenever you need me. I’ll be present for Hayden and I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I want us to go back to normal and I know it’ll be hard for you, but I’m willing to try.” Arvin said with hope in his eyes.

“I also know that you’re awake and that you can hear me clearly.” He added as he looked at you. You slowly opened your eyes and looked at him, “I hate that you know me well.”

“I actually love it. It makes me feel like I’m still in touch with you. Lord knows I’d be heartbroken if I can’t read you anymore.” He chuckled lightly before pressing a light kiss on your hand.

“Did you mean what you said? Trying again?” You asked and he nodded. “Then, I’ll try too.”

Being married to a mobster wasn’t easy. Everything has to be kept under wraps whilst having a lavish lifestyle. But when you’re young, you’re naive and you think that everything will work out and you’ll live happily ever after like some Disney fairytale. Everyone seems to forget that Disney princess stories were adapted from the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen.

However, some relationships work out and your marriage turns into something better than before. It happened to you and Arvin. He kept his promises and soon, you were blessed with a second child. Celeste was alright and you treated her like a sister you never had. In return for sending her to college, she did well in her studies and made sure to show you her grades which made you proud.

Everything was coming together and you were thankful that things took a nice turn. Your life as a mobster's wife wasn’t so bad, after all.

* * * *

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @cocoamoonmalfoy @parkerpeter24 @slutforsr @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @quxxnxfhxll @bora-world @supred12 @more-like-reyna

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @calltothewild @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @emmastarz

[diavolosthots]

I saw the amazing fic about Diavolo meeting his mc’s strict religious parents. Could you please do that for Levi too?

I got it. I realized that i will probably pull most of these "sources" from the bible since thats the easiest religious text to find these demons in.

Warning: religion

Defend Me ( LEVIATHAN X GN!READER )

He felt uncomfortable from the get go. Meeting people in general completely throws him off and his anxiety went through the roof when you told him you wanted him to meet your parents. Your parents! How could he leave a good impression on them? “Hi I’m a demon. I play video games most of the time and have social anxiety. Achievements? Well I’m also the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy, but don’t worry! I treat them with the utmost respect because truthfully I don’t even know how I landed with them in the first place, but here we are, and I don’t want to lose them.” He can’t say that! He would sound like an absolute fool! They will think he’s way too weird for you the minute he walks in, anyway. He screams gamer-otaku-with-no-life, for goodness sakes! You can’t tell me that’s what they would want for you!

That’s why he pushed it off. For months he made up some ridiculous excuse of why he couldn’t go or why you should stay home with him. He even once went as far as to say your parents were sick and got Satan involved to actually get them sick! Nothing bad… just the seasonal flu, but still. Can’t you see that he really doesn’t want this? Well, you can see it, but you just don’t really seem to care. This is important to you and thus he, reluctantly, agreed to participate. He agreed to let Hell rise up and to try and be kind to your parents. Now.. as much as you wanted to believe him, you actually had your doubts. You knew your dad was going to tear him a new one and your mom was probably going to make fun of him too… but… you had faith in him that he could take the less.. Harmful jokes and hopefully not get too aggravated with the more rude ones… you prayed that, since he isn’t Satan, he won’t take too much offense to them.

“Ready?” Levi shook his head, looking at the bouquet of flowers in his hand, “are these okay? That’s what humans do right? They bring flowers for the mom? I saw it in a show once…” You laughed softly; he saw everything in a show once and thinks that this is how the world works. Well, he wasn’t completely wrong and it just shows that he can be a gentleman. “Yeah.. they’re fine. Okay, here we go.” You rang the doorbell, waiting for your mom to open the door, but it was actually your dad. “Dadd---!” “Hold on sweetie, who is this?” Your dad immediately stepped out and eyed Levi up and down, which made him more than uncomfortable, but he just clenched the flowers in his hand and forced himself to smile, “My name is Levi, sir. I’m their b-boyfriend.” You cringed silently. He was doing so good! But that stutter. 

Your dad eyed him once more, his eyes landing on the flowers in Levi’s hand, “ah. Listen, kid, I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing but those flowers are not going to make up for the absolute wreck you are and under no circumstance are you coming into my house with that cosplay jacket on.” You gasped loudly, slapping your dad on the arm, “dad! Those flowers are for mom and it’s not a cosplay jacket, it’s just a jacket!” You shake your head, taking Levi’s hand and dragging him inside, but Levi was still too focused on the fact that he just got made fun of not once, but twice, in the same sentence. “Mom! Come meet my boyfriend, and please be nicer than dad.” Levi could hear laughter from a room nearby and was soon greeted by a grinning woman; at least she looked friendly.

“Don’t be too hard on your dad. You know he’s just looking out for you.” Levi gained some confidence back, smiling softly as he held out the flowers, “These are for you, ma’am. My name is Levi.” Your mom gave him the same up and down look your dad gave him and he suddenly felt uncomfortable again, but your mom took the flowers and smiled at him anyway. “Thank you, that’s very kind of you. Oh! And these are so pretty! Come. Sit down. (Y/N), have you offered him some water? Oh dear, where are your manners?!” He could see you throw your arms up in frustration as you tell your mom that you literally just got here, and walked off with her. He suddenly felt so alone, kind of weird too, in a strange house, but he decided to enter the room your mom just came out of and noticed it was the living room. He also noticed that it was turned to some kind of christian music channel and a quick glance around told him that Jesus was watching him from every angle, literally, “so. Besides banging my child, what else do you do?” Levi almost choked, quickly turning around as a deep red flushed over his cheeks, “I-I don’t… ‘bang’ your child, sir. We uhm… we’re far from that step.”

“And that better stay that way, kid, unless you want to become friendly with my gun collection.” Levi shook his head, trying to avoid eye contact, “no, sir. I’m great.” Your dad scoffed, calling back out to your mother and you, “what’s taking you two so long? Another minute with this softie and he might turn into a puddle.” You rolled your eyes as you walked up with glasses of water that you sat down on the coffee table, “leave him alone, dad, he’s a good guy.” “yeah and apparently made out of cotton candy. He can barely stand straight, and you want to date that?” Levi felt bad; of course he knew you could do so much better than him. Hell, he’s told you that before, it’s just that you don’t listen! “He’s a good boy? Yeah I can see that. His name is Levi for goodness sakes; what’s that short for anyway? Seriously sweety, you could do so much better than that thing over there, but I suppose being taken away from a good home and thrown into that useless exchange program does kill a few brain cells.”

Oh no. Oh no, see what we’re not going to do is insult you. “What did you just say?” Your dad’s gaze flicked over to Levi’s, grinning smugly at him, “what? Got your panties in a twist, kiddo? Let me say it again, yo--” “No. No, no, no! See what we’re NOT going to do is bash on your own child!” Levi gets up, obviously getting angry, “You can throw my name around all you want, which, by the way, is Leviathan in full, and yes, I’m exactly that sea monster mentioned in that God awful fanfiction you call the word of the Lord. They!” He angrily points at you, feeling his blood boil beneath his skin, “are the best thing that has ever happened to you, considering you couldn’t get your cock up anymore if you wanted to with that elephant of a body you call ‘attractive’. I might not be the smartest, hell, I’m not even attractive, but I know for a fact that your child is the smartest, most considerable being that has ever graced this terrible excuse of a planet and I am NOT, “ he clenches his teeth, turning into his demon form and lashing out with his tail as he pulls your father up by the collar, “letting a measly excuse for a human being tear that beautiful soul down.” He roughly pushes your father back down, hissing at him as storms flashed behind his eyes. 

“Levi..---!” He grabbed your hand roughly, dragging you out of there and onto the street, not caring that people are seeing him as something other than human, other than normal. “Levi!” But he only shook his head, watching the portal open and dragging you through it. “I’m sorry, (Y/N), but I cannot just sit there and let him talk bad about you! What kind of father is that? I mean don’t get me wrong, I had my fair share of shitty parents, but at least my father didn’t think I was a complete waste of space.” He was breathing heavily, his body still tensed as you reached out for him, kind of scared but also slightly… turned on. “Levi… you’re so sweet.” you laughed softly, wrapping yourself around him and nuzzling into his neck, feeling him calm down and no doubt, feel a little embarrassed. “I didn’t think you’d stand up to him, but… It’s nice to know that you have my back.” 

He frowned, wrapping his arms and tail around you tightly, “Of course I have your back. No one gets to speak so terribly about you, not even your father… I knew there was a reason why I hate socializing. No offense but I can guarantee that man isn’t going to the pretty clouds in the sky, no matter how much he pretends to be a saint.” You shook your head, still laughing softly, “no offense taken… he was always a little… harsh. I wish you would’ve paid attention to his face. He was so shocked to see you, not only defend me and yourself, but also just being able to pick him up…. It was worth the little bit of hurt.” He shook his head, kissing down your shoulder, “You should never ever have to deal with that. I mean it. You’re the smartest and most considerable. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.” “Well… don’t let anyone tell you any different either.”

“Now you’re just asking too much from a shut-in otaku like me…” 

[nesta-stan]

Acosf Theory: Nesta being kidnapped by the Mortal Queens will be a major plot point.

We all already know that the queens are going to play a major role from the synopsis. I think that specifically it will be the youngest Queen who will act as Nesta's main antagonist. She is the perfect character to act as a foil for Nesta.

Lets start with the younger queen herself.

"And the youngest two queens … One was perhaps a few years older than me, black-haired and black-eyed, careful cunning oozing from every pore as she surveyed us.

"The youngest queen, the dark-haired one, smiled slightly. Arrogant youth"

Here we see a few similarities between Nesta and that Queen. She is arrogant, "Cunning", proud, and about the same age as Nesta. They were both made into things they didn't want to be. To the Queen, Nesta has everything she wanted; she got the youth the power, and the money.

“The youngest one—that pinched-faced bitch—went into the Cauldron first. Practically trampled the others to get in after it saw what it did to you and your sister.”

Stone screamed beneath twin sets of talons. “But the Cauldron … Oh, it knew that something had been taken from it. Not sentient, but … it knew. It was furious. And when that young queen went in …”

The Ravens laughed. Laughed as the slope leveled out and we found ourselves at the bottom of the library.

“Oh, it gave her immortality. It made her Fae. But since something had been taken from it … the Cauldron took what she valued most. Her youth.” They sniggered again. “A young woman went in … but a withered crone came out.”

And from the catacombs of my memory, Elain’s voice sounded: I saw young hands

wither with age.

“The other queens won’t go into the Cauldron for terror of the same happening now. And the youngest one … Oh, you should hear how she talks, Nesta Archeron. The things she wants to do to you when Hybern is done …”

The Queen is angry at Nesta and Nesta is angry at the Queens. I'm going to be honest, when it comes to SJM's main villains like the king of hybern they seem to be one dimensional but this Queen's circumstances can be what forces Nesta to look further at her own. This Queen is what Nesta might have been. She might even be a deciding factor on who Nesta chooses to become.

Why this would make Nesta going to the Illyrian mountains make more sense

"She wasn’t stupid—she knew there had been unrest, both in Prythian and on the continent, since the war had ended. Knew some Fae territories were pushing their new limits on what they could get away with in terms of territory claims and how they treated humans."

These are Nesta's thoughts before going to see her sister in the sneak peak. I, and a lot of others, have never been able to wrap our heads around how the Illyrian mountains could ever be a good place for Nesta. Yes, a lot of people use the excuse "it's for her healing" but there is never any reasoning behind why illyria?

The mortal Queens know about Velaris. If Feyre and the inner circle have caught on to a plan to kidnap Nesta, than it makes sense that they would try to hide her away somewhere safe. Especially since she is basically helpless on her own. Cassian is the only character, besides Feyre, that cares about Nesta's well being and Illyria is filled with soldiers ready to fight at a moment's notice, while Velaris isn't. It is also where she can train. This threat has probably made Feyre realize how defenseless her sister is and to give her a fighting chance, she forces Nesta to train.

Now, let's talk about the "Ally" the synopsis mentioned. I think it's the Illyrians. That's how she still ends up captured. They betray Cassian and offer his mate to the mortal Queens. Though we all refer to this as Nesta's book, it's Cassian’s too. The Illyrians are closest to his heart. So it makes sense that they are included in his Arc. He has long been bad mouthed and treated as lowly for his status but he never stopped loving his people. Instead he internalized it, but what happens when the woman of his affections suffers because of that hatred? It would be the perfect tool to force Cassian to self-reflect on who he is and what he stands for. Can he choose between his people and his love?

This ties in with the snow queen theory

I actually first thought of this when reevaluating the theory that the story that will work as an inspiration for this book is the Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson. There are three versions of that story that all could potentially tie into to Acofas. The original, Frozen, and the 2002 movie remake.

Frozen because it is the tale of two sisters coming together after years of estrangement. (Feyre and Nesta obviously). 

I put the 2002 version in their because in that version of the story has "Lady's" portraying and ruling over each season. Their is a spring witch, summer princess (cresseida) , Autumn thief, and then the snow queen(Vivian?). Meaning more characters might play more roles in this story. I did see alot of wanting Nesta to travel to the other courts.

Now for the original, which probably looks like it has the most connection to Acosf. The story is short and easy to find online. In short, it's about a girl Named Gerda who goes on a quest to find Kay, her childhood friend. A magic mirror created by the devil , that I'm not going into detail much but it's basically the Ouroboros, is shattered and falls into the eyes and heart of young Kay. (Snow Queen also speculated to have a shard in her heart) This makes him cruel to his sister like friend over the next year till he is kidnapped by the snow queen.

This story ties in for multiple reasons. I think hear the mirror is replaced by the Cauldron. Both the Mortal Queen and Nesta were made and neither or happy about it. This being the "glass shard that froze their hearts." And the Mortal Queen being the Snow Queen who kidnapped Kay, or Nesta. Also, Kay is cruel to Gerda for a year before he is taken and it's been a year since the war.

Now let's look at this Quote.

“Little Kay was quite blue, yes nearly black with cold; but he did not observe it, for she had kissed away all feeling of cold from his body, and his heart was a lump of ice. He was dragging along some pointed flat pieces of ice, which he laid together in all possible ways, for he wanted to make something with them; just as we have little flat pieces of wood to make geometrical figures with, called the Chinese Puzzle. Kay made all sorts of figures, the most complicated, for it was an ice-puzzle for the understanding. In his eyes the figures were extraordinarily beautiful, and of the utmost importance; for the bit of glass which was in his eye caused this. He found whole figures which represented a written word; but he never could manage to represent just the word he wanted—that word was “eternity”; and the Snow Queen had said, “If you can discover that figure, you shall be your own master, and I will make you a present of the whole world and a pair of new skates.” But he could not find it out.”

I always interpreted that if this was going to inspire something in Acotar it would be Metaphorical. That the injuries Kay suffers would be how Nesta let herself fall apart and the puzzle that he needed to spell eternity for could be how Nesta still doesn't know what to do with her immortal life.

But what if it's literally? What if the Queen captures Nesta and tries to use her powers to fix her. The Queen was also granted immortality. What if Kay figuring out how to spell eternity is Nesta figuring out how to fix the young Queen. And the injuries are of being black and blue are from the queens torchering her?

Sjm's habits.

Sjm always has a habit of making her characters go through even deeper shit, once they finally healed. It would make sense that she would throw us another curve ball like this. She did something similar with Aelin in Koa, and she has reused some points before. Like Aedion and Lysandra taking Nessian's "till the next life".

Also, alot of people don't like Nesta and having even worse charecters be introduced to make the others look better is so in Sjm style. Just in the way that Tamlin and Eris make Rhysand look like a Saint, having the mortal Queen be the "bad" version of Nesta would help people see her in a better light.

I tried to look at this in the way of, What will make these Charecters question themselves and their motives the most. This was my conclusion.

This is just what I came up with, if you have any differing thoughts or ideas I would love to hear them. 

@heylittlemissy @sjm-things 

[niallloverontheloose]

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/650079336900313088/for-years-fandom-has-talked-about-wanting-stiles#notes

@russianspacegeckosexparty: For years, fandom has talked about wanting Stiles to “heal” Derek but what they mean is they want self insert stan in a Stiles Nametag/Fanon!Stiles to *enable* Derek’s toxicity, and also while claiming that Derek’s way of running a pack is the Right Way, they suspiciously have him acting exactly like Scott who’s methods they sneered at

@princeescaluswords:

I wish I had a simple answer for you. It would be easy to laughingly dismiss it as ‘just racism’ and move on. Racism is a huge part of it, but it’s not the only part; it’s a situation-well mixed with patriarchal precedence and a fundamentally self-serving and immature application of Christian doctrine (I’m speaking as a Christian myself). Our culture has created certain expectations in the way we approach the behavior of white men.

As long as they show emotional depth, attractive white men are entitled to forgiveness for their bad actions without the need to redress those actions.

The sad part is that this phenomenon exists outside of the world of fiction and fandom. How many white men have had tearful press conferences apologizing for their bad behavior and then its back to business as usual?

When the Sterek shippers create a Fanon Stiles to support/heal/enable Alpha Derek, they very often indulge in this idea. To them and their insert, who Derek hurt is immaterial. To them and their insert, what Derek did is immaterial. The only thing that matters is that a powerful and attractive white man was openly emotional, and so, to them, it’s simply unjust for the narrative or the audience to treat him as less than fully redeemed.

What did Derek do in response to his betrayal of Paige to her death? He cried about it. What did Derek do when he unwisely bit Jackson and then abandoned him to become the kanima? He looked pained and stomped around the screen yelling at people who weren’t responsible. What did Derek do when his decisions to conceal information got Erica and Boyd killed? He looked sad and stricken. The show, in a completely inadequate display of consequences, ‘redeemed’ him by having him give up the alpha power to save his sister (and fandom reeled in shock at this tiny bit of redress, so much that they kept rejecting it).

Fandom doesn’t even recognize all the things that Derek did to Scott - from concealing information, to bullying, to selfish manipulation, to betrayal, to brutal assault - as bad behavior. How many times have you read Fanon Stiles say “he may have been an asshole, but he was trying to help!” when Derek lied to Scott about the cure, betrayed him to his uncle, and have his or his minions try to beat Scott into submission?

Derek experiences strong emotions, therefore, all his actions are immediately ameliorated by his pain, but only because he’s white and good looking! His family burned! His sister was murdered! So that makes his attempt to hunt down and kill Lydia on a hunch absolutely okay.

Compare this to the absolute condemnation of Scott for saying an insensitive thing to Derek and to pretending-to-be-catatonic Peter after nearly getting caught by Kate and Chris stealing a bullet to save Derek’s life. Compare this to the raging hellfire wished upon Scott for being blackmailed by Gerard with a knife to his gut, a tail wrapped around his mother’s throat, and claws to his lover’s neck?

It doesn’t stop there. Peter Hale has legions of defenders not because he expressed remorse for his terrible onscreen actions but because he refused to express remorse for them. In fact, he defended his vicious murders and attempted murders and violations with passionate bullshit. They swoon over the fact that he murdered his own niece so much that they make up excuses for him that he refused and create fantasies of the Left Hand.

That’s why, when grappling with Season 5A, they don’t care that Stiles was a lying traitor. They only care that he felt really bad while he was being a lying traitor. (And they’ll come at me, screaming, that he was being blackmailed too, while turning around and call Scott a rapist in Master Plan. And no, Scott wasn’t a traitor in Season 2; he was deceiving villains – both Derek and Gerard. That’s the difference between Scott and Stiles. Scott finds a way to defeat the villains while Stiles… Stiles cries about it. But that’s all a white male character has to do be considered a hero.)

My problem is that fandom’s reflexive urge to forgive every single good looking white male character not only permeates the fandom but it also influenced the show. That’s why Scott had to listen to Stiles whine about the way Scott looked at him in Codominance but the fact that Stiles assaulted Scott was never mentioned again. That’s why Liam’s apology tour was so completely fixated on Liam finding a way to live with himself, that he never bother to ask if Scott was okay, or Mason didn’t scold him for leaving Scott dying on the library floor to go hug a girl that was already dead. After all, Liam was feeeeeeeeling.

Art imitates life. Fandom has lowered the bar so much for attractive white male characters that all they have to do is… I don’t think there’s anything they can’t do to be automatically healed by the fandom. Yet they cover that with making the act of forgiving white male characters an act of love.

//

So Stiles is a “lying traitor” because he’s a victim of assault and blackmail and because he didn’t share his own traumas with Scott like Scott and his Stans demanded… but Scott is a “hero” even though he kept lying like a rug, sold Derek Hale and his Pack out to the hunters in exchange of Allison, conspired with Gerard behind everyone’s back, and violated an incapacitated rape victim to save his own ass? Make it make sense, antis

“How many times have you read Fanon Stiles say ‘he may have been an asshole, but he was trying to help!’ when Derek lied to Scott about the cure, betrayed him to his uncle, and have his or his minions try to beat Scott into submission?”

Funnily enough, I never read a Sterek fic in which the author uses Stiles to justify Derek’s behavior. But I’ve read PLENTY of fics written by the Scott McCall defense squad members in which Stiles, Lydia, Kira, Allison, Mason, Liam, Chris, Cora etc are reduced to he author’s Fanon Self Insert and used to excuse/justify Scott’s toxic behavior.

But maybe PrinceEscalusWords is referring to when the TW writers & producers had Masson Hewitt (a gay black character) justify Scott and tell Corey Bryant (a gay character and the boy Scott assaulted and mind raped) to get over it, because:

“I know the last time you saw Scott wasn’t his best day. But he’s trying to help! More than most people would!” (5x09, Lies of Omission)

‘cause apparently nothing is more ‘romantic’ and ‘progressive’ than telling an abuse victim to get over their own trauma and abuse and then trying to paint their abuser as a kind, compassionate hero who just had a bad day in Jeff Davis’ book

“My problem is that fandom’s reflexive urge to forgive every single good looking white male character not only permeates the fandom but it also influenced the show. That’s why Scott had to listen to Stiles whine about the way Scott looked at him”

Actually, Stiles is the one who had to listen to Scott whine about the way Liam looked at him.

[Teen Wolf 5x13, Co-dominance]

STILES: So, what did he want?

SCOTT: To help.

STILES: You gonna let him?

SCOTT: Eventually, I guess…

STILES: Okay, but shouldn’t he be a little higher on your priority list right now? I mean, since he’s the only other actual werewolf, your only actual Beta.

SCOTT: You didn’t see the way that he came at me! You didn’t see the look in his eyes!

STILES: Well, I’ve been with you on a full moon, so I’ve seen that look.

STILES: You want to get the band back together, Scott, you don’t leave out the drummer.

“And no, Scott wasn’t a traitor in Season 2; he was deceiving villains – both Derek and Gerard. That’s the difference between Scott and Stiles. Scott finds a way to defeat the villains while Stiles cries about it”

Except that Scott never defeated a single villain in the actual show. He even failed to assassinate a terminally ill old man who was already dying in Master Plan. Scott is pretty good at whining and at taking credit for his friends’ heroic actions and achievements, though. And that’s all Scott has to do to be considered a “hero” or become a “true alpha”

[noaltbruh]

Bucci gang and Christmas time!

Do I know we're in the middle of Summer? Yes.

Is that going to stop me from writing headcanons about my favourite characters celebrating my favourite Holiday? No.

(Just a side note: most of the headcanons I write take place in an 'Everyone survives universe', keep this particularly in mind while reading this post)

Enjoy! 🎄

Giorno! 🐞

-Giorno has never celebrated Christian once in his entire life. To be honest...He almost feels a sense of spite thinking about this Holiday, because his parents used to neglect him even more during this time of the year. They would spend entire days out, going party with their friends, buying presents for other people, and wouldn't bother in the slightest to decorate the house with a single light

-For a long time, all he could think about when this festivity came into his mind was the dull plate of cold food his parents would leave him to heat in the microwave, but that wasn't nearly as freezing as the feeling of sorrow that filled his heart. He would sit by the window, watching other people having fun together, while he was all alone in that gloomy, small apartment.

-Can you even imagine how he felt when he first celebrated Christmas with the gang?

-He failed to understand why pretty much everyone was so exited, most of them weren't even Christian. He thought he didn't even deserve to participate, not after all the 'morally questionable' things he does as the Don of Passione

-But it didn't take much for the gang to realize how Giorno felt about Christmas, and they were determined to prove him that he had gotten the wrong idea about this Holiday

-When he noticed that he others were trying to drag him in the 'Christmas spirit', he immediately protested, claiming that he had too many errands to attend to

-Needless to say, they didn't buy it

-Eventually, he gave up, accepting to give this festivity a chance, if that would have made them happy. After all, they've been trying so hard to lift his spirit, he would have felt ungrateful rejecting them even now

-He helped with the preparations in any way he could, from decorating the house to buying gifts for everyone.

-What he hadn't realized, is how much effort and care he was putting in everything he was doing. It wasn't something he agreed to solely to please them, he was genuinely enjoying it, he wanted to be a part of this, even though he failed to fully understand it.

-His favourite part was filling the house and the back garden with lights and any other sort of decorations: candles, wreaths, festoons, music boxes, or just other ornaments in general

-When the 25th of December finally arrived, Giorno was ecstatic. Seeing his entire family having so much fun together, opening presents, admiring the lights, watching cheesy Christmas movies while wrapped up in warm blankets, it felt so...Simple, but so reassuring, he couldn't even put into words how he felt

-His favourite present was a huge encyclopedia about nature. He always reads it before going to bed, it helps him fall asleep faster and more peacefully

-Like I mentioned in my previous post, I think Giorno really likes anything that tastes even slightly sweet, so he absolutely adores Christmas treats! Pandori, panettoni, tronchetti, hot chocolate...He loves all of them!

-He can't deny that he felt really bad when they had to take off all the decorations, and while he wouldn't openly say it, he wishes for Christmas to come back again as soon as possible

Bruno! 🤐

-Bruno is the second most exited in the gang for Christmas! (Can you already tell who's the first? :) ) He's the only one, however, that cares about the religious aspect of it, which is particularly important in a country like Italy.

-It's his favourite Holiday, and it was considered the most important festivity in his family, since all of his relatives were Christians. Besides, he had always been personally attached to it, as it was one of the very few times where he could see his mom, which used to spoil him in whatever way she could

-He goes to Church either very early on Christmas Morning, while everyone is still asleep, or at exactly midnight between the 24th and the 25th. Most of the people that go at times like these are old grannies, but Bruno doesn't care, he thinks it's cute actually ^^

-As he was raised in a relatively humble environment, having the chance to celebrate Christmas in quite the...Extravagant way, after joining Passione, almost felt out of place for him

-That doesn't mean, however, that he doesn't care about the 'materialistic' part of the Festivity, because he sees it as a way to rest his head for a while and spend some quality time with the ones he cares about

-His role as the mom of the group is also remarkably present during the preparations. Bruno is the one that mostly takes care of cooking for everyone, and he enjoys it a lot! His favourite part is preparing sweets of any kind, because they allow him to experiment a lot and always try new recipes

-Every member of the gang has to participate in one way or another to the preparations, and Bruno is the one that coordinates the whole thing

-Bucciarati always gets everyone the best presents. He starts thinking about what to get for them a month before the others, so that he never finds himself in a rush and can take all the time he needs to find the perfect gift

-He also LOVES making and receiving hand-made presents, he can feel all the effort and love that was put into them, and it just feels more thoughtful than something that was bought, no matter how expensive it may have been

-Bruno is that sort of person that prefers to spend Christmas without doing anything particularly exciting, just enjoying the calm and warm atmosphere that fills the house

-However, Bucciarati also loves to go for a long walk down the streets, admiring the lights all around the town, bringing along anyone in the gang that wishes to join him

Mista! 🔫

-While the manga states that Mista believes in a 'God', I don't think he believes in Jesus, Holy Mary, and the rest. He used to go to Church when he was little, but mostly because his parents forced him to, he didn't actually care

-Because of this, he sees Christmas as a materialistic Festivity, but that doesn't mean he's not excited for it. He thinks that it's the perfect excuse for everyone to just chill for a little while and have fun

-Unlike Bruno and Giorno, who prefer to just relax at home without doing anything that requires a lot of energy, Mista is always looking forward to something exiting to do during this time of the year

-Do you want an example? Ice skating! This boy is incredibly good at skating, and he constantly flexes on the entire gang how good he is

-He's that type of person that forgets to buy presents for the gang, and only remembers at the last minute. He's lost count of how many times he had to fight with another costumer because they wanted to buy the same thing, and there was only one left

-Once, a dude was so insistent that he had to pull out his gun to scare him away. Guess what? It worked. Nobody in that shop ever dared to argue with him again

-"Get your damn hands off this videogame, I have a seventeen years old little brother that won't talk to me for two weeks if I don't buy this for him!"

-Aside from getting gifts for Narancia, Trish and the rest, he also gives something to each one of the sex pistols. It's mostly food, but they don't really seem to mind

-Even in this time of the year, Mista is still hot. While everyone is wearing sweaters, long trousers and coats, this madman is still wearing shorts. Trish constantly complains about it, saying that he's going to catch a bad cold, if not worse, if he keeps on dressing like this. He never actually listens to her though

-Like I mentioned early, everyone in the gang has to take care of the preparations in different ways. Mista, together with Fugo, has to buy all the ingredients Bruno needs. It may seem like an easy task, but it isn't; friendly reminder that they have to buy enough stuff for seven people, most of them with very different tastes

-He often gets fed up with waiting in line, and just takes everything he needs and leave without paying. Nobody has the courage to complain, they know better than messing around with a guy like that

-He will most likely steal some of Abbacchio's wine and get drunk. He usually doesn't like alcohol very much, but damn does Abba have good taste in wines

Narancia! 🍊

-You won't find anyone that loves Christmas more than this cute little bundle of sunshine!

-His mother always loved Christmas, and wanted her child to appreciate this Festivity as much as her. Since his parents weren't particularly rich, he always celebrated in a relatively simple way, but his mamma always managed to find a way to make every Christmas different and unique. His father never complained about Mela's excitement, but he barely ever participated in whatever the two of them were organizing. Still, Nari didn't mind, the woman's excitement and joy were successfully passed to her kid

-After she died, for a couple of years, he stopped celebrating Christmas. Not because he didn't want to, he just...Couldn't. His father and him were strangers at this point, and his 'friends' didn't care about it either, they actually thought that it was a stupid thing

-When he finally had the chance to celebrate again after joining Passione, Narancia swore that he wouldn't have let anything, and I say ANYTHING, stop him from enjoying every moment of this Holiday ever again

-Since there are a couple of 'Grinches' in the house, Narancia thinks it's his duty to cheer everyone up, showing them why he loves Christmas so much

-"Nobody's gonna be left out, nope, not on my watch! We're all gonna have a great time, whether you want it or not!"

-Nari already starts to get exited for this Festivity in the moment November arrives, there's nothing he looks forward to more, not even his birthday

-When Bruno finally mentions that it's time to start organizing everything, Narancia jumps from his seat, and it's one of the very few occasions where he listens carefully without spacing out

-Just like Giorno, this baby boy loves decorating the house, they make an awesome team together!

-"Giorno! Look look look...You gotta see this!" "What is it, Narancia?" "THIS SNOW GLOBE! ISN'T IT JUST SOOOOOOOO CUTE?" -"Hehe...I suppose so"

-You may think that, similar to Mista, he forgets to buy presents, but that's not the case! Narancia wants to surprise the entire gang with his awesome gifts, and when they think he can't find anything better...Boom! He slaps an even more amazing present in their faces (not literally, of course)

-Even though he can't cook, he's more than willing to help Bruno with decorating the sweets, filling them with frosting, cream, small fruits, chocolate chips...Anything Bucciarati says he can use, really

-He also loves to go admiring the lights with the latter, always pointing out everything he sees

-"GAAAAASP...AN ENTIRE TREE MADE OF LIGHTS? AM I DREAMING?" "I'd say it's real, would you like to take a picture next to it?" "Yes, please!"

-Every year he wishes for the city to finally be covered in snow, but sadly, when you live in a hot country like Italy, that's most likely going to remain a fantasy

-He really likes wearing those oversized, horrible Christmas-themed sweaters, and genuinely thinks they're cute. He hopes for someone to wear them with him, but nobody ever seems to accept

-He tried convincing Fugo once, it uhm...Didn't go too well. But one of these years, he's going to get Giorno to wear one, he's sure of it!

-Nari still believes in Santa, and Bruno will personally ari the crap out of anyone who dares to tell him that he's not real. He leaves some cookies and milk in front of the tree in the living room, saying that he's going to stay awake the entire night to finally see him. He always ends up falling asleep...So one of the members of the gang has to carry him over to bed

-During Christmas lunch, he will 100% sure overeat, to the point where he can barely stand up from the chair, but still denying verything and acting like his stomach isn't about to explode

Fugo! 🍓

-Similar to Giorno, Fugo doesn't have any particular happy memories of Christmas from his childhood

-His entire family used to reunite to celebrate together. At first sight, it seemed like nothing was wrong: everyone was having fun with their loved ones, but for Fugo...It just felt so fake

-He knew that in the moment his relatives left, his parents would have gone back to their strict and distant behavior. Even during this time of the year, they still pressured him, just in a softer way. They wouldn't let him rest until he finished all the homework his teachers gave for Christmas Holidays, they wouldn't let him play with his other cousins, saying that he was too mature, and the list went on

-The only thing that comforted him was his grandmother, whom the rest of the family only invited for pity. She was the only one that would actually give Fugo something a child would genuinely like, like a puzzle or a plushie

-He was the first member to join Bucciarati's squad, so I'm guessing that they must have spent one Christmas together, just the two of them

-At first, the blonde tried to convince Bruno to just leave him alone, inviting him to celebrate with his relatives, saying that he would have been okay on his own

-Obviously, a good mom would never leave his child, so he declined his propose. For some reason...The man's behavior reminded Fugo a lot of his grandmother, and that was the first Christmas this Strawberry boy cherished in his heart

-While they mostly kept it to something simple, when the others arrived things started to get more and more loud, especially with Narancia

-Even though he would rather just spend the day relaxing at home with something warm to drink, he always ends up being dragged into whatever Nari and Mista are planning on doing. He fell like...10 times when they went ice skating together

-Fugo still acts kinda moody towards this time of the year, as his pride is too high for him to admit that he likes something so 'sentimental'

-He's also super done with having to go shopping with Mista to buy groceries, but he has to help in one way or another

-"Alright...Mista, Fugo, you two will buy all the ingredients I'm going to need"

"Urgh...It's cold outside, and I don't want to wait in line...Do I really have to?"

"Oh? Would you rather setting up the decorations with Giorno and Narancia?"

Cut to Nari already covered in lights while giggling like a kid

"...Just give me the list already"

"Wow, rude"

-Speaking of which, Fugo's immune system is not uhm...The best, and this means that he's always super scared of catching a cold in this period. While he doesn't show it, it'd pain him a lot to ruin everyone else's fun with his sickness

-He constantly wears super heavy clothes, even when they're at home, with all the windows closed and the wood burning in the fire place

-He always looks like a potato sack in the photos, but that doesn't really bother him a lot

-He isn't very good when it comes to making presents. He tries, and remembers to buy them on time, but he's not a particularly creative boy. He's that kind of person that would mostly just buy clothes or relatively 'simple' things, not that I can really blame him...That's pretty much all he received when he was a child

Abbacchio! ⏮️

-Oh boy...OH BOY! The Grinch himself, the Christmas hunter, the gloomy Lord in person

-I like to think that Abbacchio was one of the very few very people in the gang that actually grew up with a loving family, so he was more than happy to celebrate Christmas when he was a child

-One year, his parents gave him a police officer hat as a present, and he refused to take it off for days, even though it was obviously too big for him

-This means that unlike Giorno and Fugo, whose reason for disliking Christmas goes back to this childhood, his hate towards it is much more recent and somewhat less 'justified'

-After the loss of his colleague, he became apathetic to almost everything around him, and this Holiday was not spared. It was quite the opposite, to be honest

-He can't stand the whole cheerful and happy atmosphere, he thinks it's suffocating and makes him sick. Plus, "having a bunch of brats jumping up and down, singing lame carols and decorating the house like it's some birthday party" doesn't help

-Despite Narancia's efforts, the only one who can really get him out of this mood (pun intended) is Bucciarati

-"Just stop it already, Bruno. Go have fun with the children, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about any of this?"

-"And how many times do I have to tell you that you're not going to get rid of me that easily?"

-"...Whatever"

-Honestly, what he likes the most about this festivity is that he has an excuse for getting drunk af without anyone complaining. He takes the fanciest and most expensive bottle of wine he has and drinks all of it in less than 10 minutes

-The gang even bets money on how long it's going to take him to finish the whole thing, either Mista or Narancia usually win, since the others tend to underestimate Abbacchio's alcoholic "abilities"

-He puts minimal effort, mostly just because he's forced to, in buying presents for the squad. He's also super biased and obviously plays favourites, even though he would never admit it

-He'd buy something super special for Bruno, try a bit harder to pick up something for Narancia and Trish and take the first thing he sees for Fugo and Mista. As for Giorno...He literally just buys some coal, writes 'Buon Natale' on a piece of paper and slaps it on the carbon

-He has a relatively simple job regarding the preparations for Holiday time, which is...

-"Very well, Abbacchio...You have to pick up the tree from the basement and bring it to the living room"

"Why me? That thing is so fu***ng heavy"

"Exactly, do you want somebody else to lift it up and break their spine? I'd rather not spend Christmas night at the hospital"

-"Sigh...Alright, just because YOU ask"

-Slowly, but surely, he's learning to love Christmas again, though he will still keep on acting grumpy and complain every time he has the chance to

Trish! 🎙

-This girl is ready to brighten up all the festivities! When it's time to have fun, Trish doesn't hesitate even for a moment!

-Similar to Narancia and Bruno, her mother couldn't afford anything super expensive or exciting during this time of the year (taking care of a child on your own is no easy job), but Trish never dared to complain. She was aware of the sacrifices her mother was making to make sure that her child had everything she needed, she wouldn't have thrown a tantrum for something superficial

-Donatella would always give her a new doll as a present, and she would play with it for entire hours without getting tired. Her favourite one was, of course, a blonde doll dressed up as a pop star

-Just like her daughter, she was extraordinarily good when it came to choosing what to wear, which means that when Trish entered her 'teen phase', the woman would gift her a dress instead. Needless to say, the girl loved it every time!

-Speaking of which, after becoming part of the gang, her favourite "Christmas activity", if it counts, was going shopping! I mean...Do you think a person like her would miss out on the Sales? Please

-She doesn't like going on his own though, and brings along somebody with her. That 'somebody's ends up being Mista most of the times, which is literally just DRAGGED out of his room to the shopping centre

-Trish is that sort of person (I mean...I don't know if that's a thing in other countries, but it's pretty much a meme here in Italy) who insists that she's on a diet even during the Holiday season, but every single time someone offers something to eat, she replies with "Whatever, I'll just start next week" or "I'll start after New Year".

-Before she knows, it's the 8th of January and she hasn't been on a diet even for a day.

-One day, she'd like to travel around the world and see how they celebrate this Festivity in other countries. As you can already tell, she valued the materialistic part of Christmas than the 'spiritual' one, and she knows that in a lot of places it isn't considered a religious Holiday in the first place

-One thing she dislikes is how she's forced to wear super heavy and long clothes, she hates them and insists that they make her look fat (which is absolutely not true)

-She LOVES taking pictures of everything! Food? Yes. Decorations? Yes. Gifts? Yes. Just photos in general where the seven of them are together? Y E S!

-Some of them try to run away when they realize that Trish is about to start a freaking photoshoot, but their struggles are always vain, especially since she has Bruno's support

-"Come oooooon, just one last picture!" "Trish, for the love of God, the lasagna is getting cold" "So what? Microwaves exist for a reason" "We are NOT going to ruin all this food by putting it in the Microwave!"

-Being the singer of the group, she takes any opportunity she has to sing a Christmas-themed song, both Carols and modern/pop songs like 'All I want for Christmas'. Half of the times she doesn't even understand the lyrics, but that's not going to stop her for sure

-She definitely doesn't forget to buy presents for the others. After she goes shopping so much, how could she? Most people think it's lame to receive a clothes as a present, but we're taking about Trish here!

-She knows very well how every member likes to dress, and she surely doesn't have problems with her budget. She will pick something for each one of her companions even better than what they would take for themselves

-Lastly, her 'task' is to decorate the tree, which is one of the longest assignments that also require a lot of attention and precision. Why, you may ask? Because that thing is freaking huge, that's why. Giorno and Narancia will probably help her out once they're done with their own decorations, the three of them have a lot of fun together!

[serpentstole]

Luciferian Challenge: Day 9

How do you feel about God?

This might be an unexpected take from a Lutheran-raised Luciferian, but I don’t really have strong opinions about God. I have strong opinions about harmful actions taken in God’s name, the misrepresentation of history, and an abuse of social and political power enacted by any religious group, but not really on God Himself. 

I’m a big fan of some of His people, both living and dead. I have many Christian friends who are just the nicest people, and magically speaking, I work with one Christian saint so far in the form of St Expedite, and I’ve sometimes considered trying to add St Cyprian to the mix. I am comfortable approaching Saints and other Christian entities in the way that’s appropriate to them, and this hasn’t negatively impacted me in any way so far, though I don’t know if that’ll change after I undergo a more spiritually impactful apostasy. 

This feels brief and anticlimactic, so I’m grabbing another prompt from the bonus list! Another thematically appropriate one, this time in the form of…

How do you feel about the religious texts of the Abrahamic faiths? Do you use it as part of your path?

This answer is going to be longer and thus under the cut, but if people read anything I write during this entire challenge, I genuinely hope it’s this one. I will say now for any Christian, Jewish, or Muslim readers or followers I have, it will not be an answer that is hostile towards you, as I don’t want anyone to worry that they might have to either skip this answer completely or else brace themselves against an incredibly shitty take.

To get the “do you use it” part of the question out of the way, I own the Charmer’s Psalter and have used Biblical verse in magic before, but I don’t know how long that’ll continue as my magic develops and changes. I might end up just using the parts that reference the spirits and deities I work with when writing rituals, the ever popular Lord’s Prayer In Reverse, etc.

Now, onto the important stuff.

By Abrahamic faiths I assume they mean Christinity, Judaism, and Islam, since those are the three people tend to lump together during these sorts of discussions. To get two of those out of the way, I don’t think I should really feel any particular way about the religious texts used in Judaism and Islam, as I’m not Jewish nor Muslim. 

I know it’s a sadly common thing for Luciferians or Satanists (or many neo-pagans and wiccans, for that matter)  to be “anti-Abrahamic” and claim that while they don’t have an issue with the people that belong to those religious, they don’t like the religions themselves or the dogmatic rules those religions might encourage. But that’s sort of… missing the point, isn’t it? 

The idea that anyone is a victim of their own religious belief is only half formed if you don’t look at the people or groups that will use the twisting of religious texts, ideas, or communities to victimize others. Lawmakers will often use Christian ideas to try and control women’s bodies, for example, which is something groups like TST vocally push back against. But the expectations they are willing to make on those laws reveal the hypocrisy of their stance, and that belief is being used as a smokescreen to obscure the true intentions of control over women’s bodies for the sake of it. Someone cherry picking or outright misrepresenting the words and ideals of their holy texts or religion to suit their selfish or political needs is not the fact of that holy text or religion.

We claim to reject dogma, but the assumption and blanket statement that these three religions are inherently harmful and oppressive is (in my opinion) dogmatic, and often we Luciferians or Satanists or even Pagans sometimes fall into the trap of regurgitating right wing talking points when it comes to how Judaism or Islam in particular are perceived. The issue is the people who would encourage dogmatic thinking or worse, lawmaking, while using faith as an excuse and to add legitimacy to their bigotry. To demonize the religion is to abandon great swaths of its victims, such as the women and LGBT people of that faith who are being abused by bad actors in the name of a religion they share. 

If the idea of why someone would remain a member of their religion when there are so many bad actors, religious texts, or even just passages they might disagree with is a hard thing to wrap one’s head around, I ask this: would you expect rejection of their faith by a Norse pagan for the historic sexism and homophobia of old Norse societies? For the modern associations it has with neo-nazis and bigotry towards women and queer people? 

If you say yes, if you would stubbornly and genuinely say yes… then what does it say about you, when we share a label with Anton LaVey’s books that were so influenced by Social Darwinism and Might Makes Right? With groups like the Order of Nine Angels, the Joy of Satan, and others who would claim to be Luciferians or Satanists while advocating for hate speech, bigotry, or literal actual murder? If a few bad actors or communities or specific books can ruin religions as old and as complex and as culturally varied as Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, how the hell are there any Satanists and Luciferians left that aren’t transparently proud bigots?

If we can accept for ourselves that not all Satanists and Luciferians will use the religious label with good intentions, and that not all Pagans hold ideals that are befitting the gods they claim to serve or the communities they want to be a part of, why can so few of us extend that basic courtesy to other religions?

And all this is to say nothing of how separated from its original historic and linguistic context the bible has become, and how our view of sin is very different to how those that penned Leviticus likely saw it. 

While I can understand and empathize with those who have a negative view of a religion that’s done them personal harm and caused lasting trauma, that’s the shape that their abuse took. It was the fault of the people that enacted that abuse and any churches or organizations that stood by it, not the religion they used as an excuse.* I will genuinely never blame any who shy away from a religious upbringing or culture that tried to condemn their sexuality, or gender identity, or one which tried to control their bodies. That kind of negative association lingers, and there’s no doubt that people have done terrible things in the name of their faith, like I’ve said. But to treat those religions like the root of all societal ills when there are so many who would or are be cruel regardless of their beliefs, or to be hostile towards those that follow such religions without trying to impose any restrictions or beliefs on others, is missing the broader issue and (in my opinion) far more likely to do harm than good.

Also like. Dual faith practices exist and are also fair and valid and doubtless rewarding for those people.

*Please note that I am not including small, cult-like sects in my statements about these religions as a whole. There are plenty of Christian communities who are outright hate groups or otherwise dangerous to their members. Hopefully no one tries to point to some pack of weirdos as their justification to me on why all Christians are either bad or misled, or worse, tries to apply that to other religions as well because they have some historic point of connection.

[sleepdeprivedheretic]

Price for Flight

Summary: Modern! Au! After a brief accident in bumping into him, reader and Taishiro became friends, then he left to his home country in Osaka, Japan, but not before they exchanged phone numbers and mailing addresses. Cue shared memories, laughs, and pining from an international distance from high school, to college, and after.

Notes: Guess who’s been listening to Sister Christian by NightRanger, and had the idea of international friendship/crushes with each sharing gifts, knowledge, and videos of events from each one’s respective country? Wanted to start off with a fluffy fic for Fluff November.  

Warnings in the fic: a little bit of blood in the beginning, curse words, and there will be a 2nd chapter, but it’ll have smut in it, so if you want just fluff, you can read this chapter as is.

Disclaimer: I have the Big Dumb, and so my writing is used to sculpt real life cities, countries, and traditions for pure fictional purposes. Everything isn't lined to a T with my limited knowledge.

“I’m so sorry!” You found yourself shouting out loud. It was an accident. You had a vase of reddish yellow rose buds that you’ve just recently cut within the school’s garden. Walking down the hallway to place them in your classroom’s window, you tripped. It wasn’t like you planned on tripping, who could have known that tiny rocks could do that?

What made matters worse, you tripped into somebody, spilling water and crushing rose petals onto the poor student who hastily caught you.

“Are you alright?!”

“I’m so sorry!”

Came out from the both of you at the same time. Your face was red with embarrassment, trying your best not to inwardly wail. It was the cute student from Japan, Taishiro Toyomitsu, you recalled. Although you had trouble with pronouncing his name, you tried your best to learn it out of respect.

He was pudgy, and had a Japanese accent mixed in with an odd southern accent, and all around, you couldn’t help but think that he was a little cute. Sure he was new, and your friends found him to be a little weird, but he was always nice and polite, and insisted on everybody call him “Tai-chan”. Now, you were leaning up against him, fingers bloody from the thorns cutting into you, and the both of you fussing over one another.

“You’re bleedin’!”

“There’s blood on your shirt! I’m so sorry!”

The two of you stared at each other, both embarrassed and apologetic.

“Please let me take you to the infirmary?” He broke the silence as the blood from your little cuts smeared into his uniform.

“Okay.” You gave in, tucking your hand into your shirt as you set the vase down out of the way. You’ll make sure to clean it up, later. ……

You honestly felt bad. He had a dirty and wet uniform on, because of your clumsiness. Luckily, the nurse patched up your hand, and he called his mother, speaking fluent Japanese while you stared, impressed. The nurse had the two of you wait while his mom dropped off his clothes, and she telling the janitor and teacher of what happened to you.  

“That’s super cool!” You blurted out truthfully when he was done. His face reddened a bit, as if embarrassed. Of course you knew why. Some of your classmates are jerks, and he stood out like a sitting duck, waiting to get bullied. You didn’t see him get picked on, but you knew that he was. Kids are mean, and gossip spreads.

“Ya think so?” He asked. You nodded without hesitation.

“I’m not the only one, though.” Passing the time, you told him that several students were impressed, and he shouldn’t listen to vulturous children. You were a kid, and unsure on how good your advice was, but he seemed to brighten up. It was too soon for you to leave and go to class, but you had too.

“Ya wanna hang out, after school?”

“Yeah!”

You replied quickly after his outburst, and he couldn’t help but smile sweetly, whilst you felt your heartbeat quicken. ………

      That was how the two of you had met, you remembered it so clearly, the feelings of your teenaged heart were confusing, but you wanted to find every excuse in the book to just be near him. It was a close, endearing friendship, and the two of you had taught each other a lot of things whenever you could.

Your friends began to like him, too, and the bullying lessened as the two of you were basically attached to the hip. They corrupted him, showing him memes, funny videos and such, and he would catch you off guard with outward, dirty jokes, causing the both of your ears and cheeks to flush into a dark shade of pink.  

Although, his stay in your country was only six months until the both of you graduated, the two of you had learned a lot. He taught you Japanese, and you began practicing writing it, you liking the feeling of his hand gripping yours, guiding you to write kanji. When he had to leave, your heart almost broke as you hugged him tightly, him shushing you as he promised that the two of you would share phone numbers and mailing addresses, so that you’ll always keep in touch.

Keep in touch, you did.

“Tai-chan! That’s so pretty!” You gushed. It’s been a year, since he left, and oddly enough, your feelings and thoughts did not waver as you entered your freshman year of college.

“I know, right?” He boomed, holding the phone towards him and the blooming Sakura trees underneath the Osaka castle. It was Hanami, a holiday for flower viewing, and it was so very pretty as the pink petals fluttered around within the wind. Taishiro was in his hometown, Osaka, wearing informal clothes as he popped a dumpling into his mouth as he sat on the blanket with his mom and her new husband. It was almost hard to hear him due to the crowd of people happily chattering among themselves.  

You were entranced, seeing such a vibrant and beautiful scene before your eyes as he grinned at you, smiling warmly whilst his mother waved at you, and you waved back.

“So, how do you like it?” Taishiro asked, diverting your attention, and you smiled.

“Dude, everything’s so pretty and vibrant! I wish I was there with you guys!” You admitted freely, and he grinned.

“Wish ya was here, too! Mom’ll force ya to wear a kimono, though. I got lucky ‘cause they dragged me here right after class!” He admitted.

“Formal dress isn’t so bad, Tai-chan! How’s college?” You changed the subject. He shrugged.

“Not too bad! Classes are pretty easy, I got my own apartment an’ job, now! Little small, but makes the bills easier to pay!” He spoke loud enough to drown out the crowd.

“I’ll talk to ya later, okay? Mom’s getting’ mad that I’m shoutin’.” He admitted sheepishly.

“Okay! Tell her that she looks pretty in her kimono!” You grinned. He nodded as the two of you eventually hung up. It was moments like these that made your day, you smiled to yourself, feeling your heart beating faster as you plopped down onto your comfy pillows. After graduating high school, you followed your dream in getting into college, and getting your own apartment and job. It was tough, but you made it, and as a bonus, Taishiro was pretty happy and proud for you.

  You wish that he didn’t have to leave, but his mother wanted to go back to their country after moving to yours to escape the grief of a rather nasty divorce. You can’t escape from everything, Tai had said to you, and shrugged, saying that he really didn’t care about his father, but he’d support his mother in anyway that he could.  

You felt warm at the memories, trying his mother’s cooking, tasting a different country’s cuisine had excited you, and your pleased face was evident as you slowly chewed the rice ball. Your face went red as Taishiro wiped some of the sticky rice off of your face, and when he noticed that you were staring, he’d blushed too as he wiped it on your shirt, leaving him to snort with laughter at your pathetic attempt at a glare.

Yeah, you missed him. ……..

“Happy Halloween!” You tilted the brim of your witch hat, grinning as you handed the little goblins and ghosts some candy from a bowl.

“We don’t really give out candy, but we do cosplayin’, zombie runs, n’ Disneyland has somethin’ special around this time of year.” Taishiro spoke to you from your phone, which rested neatly in your breast pocket, smiling softly at the kids who gave toothy smiles with thanks behind their masks. To your luck, he and you were always on camera when the two of you spoke, now, seeing how each other changed since last year.

To your surprise, he had two little piercings in his ear lobes, stating that he was a grown man, and that he got them as to treat himself for passing his first semester of college. He didn’t lose any weight, but he had been going to the gym, gaining muscle as he shot up about two feet in height. It didn’t help your increasing heartbeat, or confusing feelings that you thought were just a little girl’s crush in high school.    

You changed, too, and you’ve noticed that he obviously noticed, and pinned every little reaction into your brain, liking the way that you caused him that.

Right now, you had him listen to classic Halloween songs such as Monster Mash, Flying Purple People Eater, and Thriller. He knew the songs, but you liked playing them, anyway to fill in the Halloween spirit. You set the phone down on the kitchen table as the two of you talked while the music playing in the background. Although he didn’t really dress up, he admitted that he liked your costume, and might invest in something next year.

You smiled, basking in the moment. ………

“Time to open yours!” He put the chicken leg from KFC down on his plate, as he and his family gathered around his phone with you on camera, looking at the brightly colored wrapping paper. His family had adopted the more Western customs of gift wrapping and receiving during Christmas, and he was not disappointed when your gift had arrived in the mail. He had sent you one, as well, knowing that it would tickle you pink. He was right.

Although the both of you knew that Christmas Eve was the day to give and receive gifts, it was generally for couples, but you wanted to share the holiday joy with him, and find an excuse to give a gift, and although beet red, he thought that gift giving was a nice thing to do.  

   He wanted you to open yours, first, and so you did, grinning wickedly as you opened the paper slowly, drawing out the suspense on purpose.  

“Hurry up, already!” Taishiro huffed, then jumped when his mother hit him lightly with her shoe, shushing him. You couldn’t hide your smirk at the gesture, but quickened your pace at the playful glare that you were receiving.

You tore open the beautifully wrapped paper, regretting to waste it, but you were curious on what he had gotten you. Finally getting the box opened, you all but squealed with joy.

“What? This is amazing!” You winced on how loud your voice was, but his grin and his family’s warm smiles made it worth it. You pulled out the organized snacks from Japan, eyes twinkling with joy as you realized that you were smiling. Underneath the bags of konpeito, onigiri senbei rice crackers, jagariko, and among other snacks, you pulled out a very pretty snow-globe. It seemed simple, but the fake snow dancing around the dolled up log cabin and the smiling snowman, melted your heart.

“I like it! Thank you, Tai-chan!” You beamed, and he grinned sheepishly as blood rushed to his cheeks.

“I didn’ wanna get anythin’ that was too lame, ya know?”

“Nonsense! It’s very charming and thoughtful, thank you.” You grinned as you shook it gently, watching the glitter swish around the heartwarming scene.

“Alright! My turn!” He changed the subject as his eye twitched at the snickers of his step-dad. He huffed, then grinned as he all but tore open your gift, faster than your slow pace. You grinned wickedly, as to when he opened the box, it revealed another box. He gave you a look.

“Really?”

“It’s in there. Eventually.”

“Yer such a lil’ shit.”

“I know.” You admitted, him glaring at you until he had finally opened the last box, eyes twinkling as he reached inside, admiring the prize.

“Y/n…” He murmured, pulling out a crocheted scarf and hat. It took you a little longer to make them than you’d like to admit, but it was worth it as his face softened while he eyed the bright orange garb.

“I like it, too.” His eyes met yours as he felt something else within the box. You smiled.

“Oh! A new set of earrings?” He grinned, pulling up the small thick hoops, eyeing them as they shined within the light.

“Hypoallergenic, too!” You chirped, eating up his expressions as he began putting on the hat, scarf, and switching out his old jewelry for the new ones.

“Merry Christmas, Tai-chan.” You murmured, and he gave you that infamous toothy, sweet smile of his.

“You too, Y/n.”

………….

“See? It’s not so bad!” You giggled, holding the phone up high.

“Yer a devil, ya know that?” You could hear him grumble. It was spring, again, and the both of you were in your second years. He admittedly lost a tiny bit of weight, due to him going to the gym, and you remained the same, except your feelings for him had grew. Almost three years of friendship, and you felt as if you knew him, forever.

Right now, you were sitting neatly at the small Fair, in the highest seat in which belonged to the Ferris Wheel, holding your phone up high while Taishiro was taking a break from his work to watch you look over the whole Fair grounds.

“Yeah, but you’re best friends with me!” You chirped loudly, giggling at his disgruntled huff. You had to be more careful with your words, you thought, as certain words were on the tip of your tongue.  

 You didn’t know what or how he felt. His face did redden a lot, but your mother said that he was young, and pretty girls did that to young men. You knew her intentions weren’t to drown out your hope, but to let you get a perspective on the situation, and to be careful with your feelings.

 He and you had never dated, anyone. Him complaining that he was too fat, and you arguing that he was fine the way he is, genuinely caring about him as your lovable best friend. Of course your feelings had grown, and each time you went to reflect on them, you couldn’t help the passing negative thoughts.

He was in another country. He could actually have anybody he wanted to. If he was seeing somebody, you knew that you’d had to keep your distance from him, in respect of the relationship that he would be building with somebody else.

“Hey, you alright? You’re kinda silent.” His voice snapped your attention away from your thoughts.

“More than fine! Oh! They have a game in which you could win a live rabbit! It’s a little tough, but the bunnies look so cool!” You admitted, changing the subject, and he let out a bark of laughter.

“Bunnies, huh?”

“Yeah?”

“Nothin’. Hey, I gotta go back to work, see ya later!” He waved, and you waved back, smiling as you ended the call.

As your ride ended, you wondered around the grounds, just looking at the sights, and then something shiny had caught your eyes. It was a little stand selling trinkets, you thought as you walked closer. The shiny thing, were two little friendship bracelets with little clear plastic gummy bears hooked onto them, one orange, and the other was your favorite color. You felt yourself smiling, remembering the nickname that his mom had called him, thus leading to everybody else calling him that.

Of course, he was embarrassed, but the absolute flustered and adorable look that he’d given you as you tried out the name, was memorable. A thoughtful gift wouldn’t hurt, you grinned.

……………

You held up your wrist, grinning at his flustered look as the orange plastic bear twinkled in the sunlight.

“What are we, twelve?” He asked, but he held out the trinket, an evident smile was on his face. It was August the eighth, his birthday, and you’ve decided to surprise him with the thoughtful gift that you’d gotten in spring. Of course the look on his face was priceless, and you just ate it up with a grin as he seemed to think the same thing.

“Pft. Gummybear.” You broke the silence, and he bit his lip, looking away.

“That kinda sounds like a pet-name, when ya think about it.”

“What? It is a nickname.”

“Yeah. Between…well, never mind! Thank you for the gift, Chickadee!” He smiled warmly, tying the little bracelet onto his wrist. You gave him your own smile as he referred to your own nickname from school.   …………

 “Guess what?” You couldn’t help but grin wildly, the pure, cheerful energy was radiating off of you as you poured yourself a glass of tea.

“Hm? What is it, Chickadee?” He asked, smiling as if he could just feel your joy all the way from Osaka.

It’s December, now. The two of you had been friends for almost four years, and you had finally, finally-

“I’ll be graduating this spring!”

“Oh, Hon, that’s amazing!” He couldn’t help but mimic your wild grin.

“Yes!” You chuckled.

 To be honest, because of the both of you being in college and at work, living two separate lives, you hadn’t seen or heard from him in a while. It didn’t stop the two of you from trying to reach out, however. The longest time you remembered not really seeing his face, lasted about a week because the two of you were so busy.

 Imagine his surprise when you started crying with tears of joy, extremely happy to see him as he sent you a little gift in the mail. It was an ornament hair pin from the fair in Osaka, and oddly, it reminded you of him. Although humble, it had specks of amber and yellow, and you couldn’t help but feel touched that you had something significant that reminded you of him.

You wanted to hug him. You wanted to talk, face to face in a decent little cafe as he wore the hat and scarf that you’d made him, as you could hear his laughter that wasn’t sullied by the phone’s filter. Also, you wanted to know where the two of you were heading in life. You knew that you couldn’t hold in these feelings for him, forever, hell, you didn’t even know if you’ll ever see him face-to-face ever again, or when he’ll find a very accepting, lovely person and move on without you.

It did break your heart, a little, you couldn’t help but think as you sipped your tea, looking out from the window as he scribbled down notes in the background.

“Tai-chan.” You said, and something in your voice made his attention snap onto you with a look of worry as he read your face.      

       “Hey, Chickadee, what’s wrong?” He asked. You looked at him.

“When can we ever really see each other, again?” The weight must have been evident in your voice, and his expression furrowed with sympathy.

“That’s what’s gotten ya so upset?” He murmured softly.

“Yeah.”

“Fuuuuck, I wanna see ya, too!” He whined, suddenly, and you looked at him with surprise as he cursed.

“I’m telling your mom.”

“Because I said ‘Fuck’, or because I wanna see ya?”

“Both. She can arrive you in tow with a bar of soap in your mouth.” You felt yourself grinning, and he smiled warmly.

“Don’t be sad, Chickadee. When we’re rich and successful from such good jobs, we’ll go see each other every weekend. Hell, I might even get a soap dispenser so ya can wash out my mouth, yourself.”

“Oh, really?”

“Letcha tie me down.” He winked as you rolled your eyes.  

“Aaaaand that’s when our friendship ends.”

“Pft. Anyways. What if….ugh, never mind. Hey, I gotta go, Chicky. Class starts in an hour, kay?”

“Alright, Gummy. See ya later.”   …………………

 What if, what? Kept playing in your mind for months, now. You’ve landed a very good job, and you were great at balancing time with work, family, and your life, while you and Taishiro had kept your ritual of staying in touch. He was more muscular, but still round, and had his earrings that you’ve gotten him for Christmas, still in tact.

 He looked good, and the both of you knew it. You pushed down the little spike of jealousy and discouragement when he mentioned that he was getting more looks, now, but you were more mature, and you knew that he was an adult and could make his own decisions, despite your own feelings. You cared about him, and if you loved somebody truly, their happiness and growth should make you happy, you concluded.  

It didn’t help the fact that he had still a pink flush to his cheeks, rubbing his head awkwardly as he said that he wasn’t really interested in people that he didn’t know, taking little glances at you.

God, Kami, or what, help you, you bit the inside of your cheek. You were hopeless. …….

“Hey, Chicka-umph!” He couldn’t finish the words. Five years. It took the two of you five years to finally graduate, get jobs, save money, and finally, finally-

“It’s been way too long!” You hugged him, burying your face into his jacket as you couldn’t help but let out the most widest grin in years. You let out a yelp of surprise as he had the gall to pick you up and spun you around, him laughing at your stunned expression as he settled you down after the short spiel, and you let out a giggle.

He was smiling down at you, chuckling as he had hugged you back, swaying you a little side to side as his cheeks flushed.

The two of you were in Osaka, his mother and step-father weren’t there, and you traveled alone, bringing only a small amount of luggage with your passport. He sighed.

“You’re still short.”

“Shut it, you’re just a giraffe.” You playfully stuck out your tongue and he rolled his eyes.

“Damn, it’s so good to see ya. Just think, our friendship started ‘cause of yer clumsy ass.” He couldn’t help but joke with you as he grinned at your pitiful attempt of a glare. He chuckled.

“I’m glad, though.” He murmured, and you hummed in agreement.

 You’ve been waiting for this moment, learning Japanese and studying kanji as you walked alongside him, talking about everything and nothing, noticing that he had never really took out the earrings you’ve gave him, plus he and you opted to wear the gummy bear bracelets. Your smiled softly. It was as if the world spun on and the two of you slowly changed, yet like magnets, pulled closer together.

  Since the day that you’ve discovered your own feelings for him, you had decided that you didn’t want anybody else, for he was showing interest, and your heart had remained unbroken as he unconsciously had taken good care of it. He was worth the hours you’ve put into your work, and the extra savings that you’ve had put back. If you had him as just a close friend forever, you’d be happy, you’ve decided.

  It was a fun day. He had saved up to pay for reservations for the two of you to go to the aquarium, telling you that since you’ve made such an effort to see him, he was the one to treat you in Osaka, drinking in your expressions of wonderment and joy as he explained. He chuckled when you excitedly pointed out the whale shark, letting you rant on about how it was a filter feeder, and the biggest fish in the sea.

“Here. It’s my favorite, an’ I figured ya might like to try “the nation’s kitchen’s” street food.” He grinned, holding up a piece of takoyaki for you to try. After a long day of cooing and buying a bit of souvenirs, he led you outside, opting to let you try something that differed from his mother’s cooking from all those years back. You bit into it while he was still holding the toothpick, causing him to fluster, yet you paid no mind, letting the taste of octopus, onion, and sauce envelope your taste buds.

Your face heated up when you realized that it was actually pretty good.

“Good?” He gave a knowing grin. You nodded, and he chuckled.

“Ya got sauce on your cheek, ya messy thing.” He thumbed your cheek, wiping off the sauce. Much to your utter surprise, he had the gall to lick it, eyeing you with a smirk etched on his face.

“Did you just-”

“Tit for tat.” He winked, and you felt the blood rush up to your cheeks.

You couldn’t stay, long. Your boss had given you a limited amount of vacation days, and you could only stay until the night. He knew it, as well, and so the two of you had tried draw out the remaining day, him showing you all sorts of vending machines, helping you walk the ever busy streets as you felt so tiny compared to the skyscrapers, trying different foods, and briefly meeting his mom and step-dad.

She hugged you, rambling fast in Japanese, as you caught certain phrases. Taishiro let out a laugh.

“She misses ya. We all did.” He smiled, and you let out your own, deciding to comfort the fretting woman.

“She has to leave, ma.” He spoke in his native tongue, and she huffed.

“I haven’t seen her in years! Plus you spent all day with her, you heathen.” She then turned towards you.

“Ah, Honey, you look so tired and happy! Did you have a good day?” She cooed, squishing your cheeks playfully and you laughed a little.

“Of course!”

“I’m glad. Let my boy escort you to the airport, alright?” She hummed, and you nodded. ………

 “Today was the best day I’ve ever had in such a long time.” He told you gently, and your heart hammered as you waited on for your flight in the lobby.    

“Same for me. Makes me regret going back.” You gave out a little laugh, but it felt hallow.

“Yeah.” You focused on his solemn expression, eyebrows furrowed as he looked as if he didn’t really wanted you to go, either.

  “Hey.” He broke the silence with a heavy conviction, and you looked up at him with confusion. He said nothing as he took your hand and placed it on his chest, and you were surprised on how fast it was beating. With his other hand, he cupped your jaw, rather gently, and now it was your turn to feel your heart hammering through your rib cage. You didn’t have time to say anything, as he leaned down and gave a chaste kiss on your mouth.

Time seemed to still to a stop for you, but he broke away too soon, face reddened, but he didn’t look as if he regretted it, and you couldn’t find yourself too, either.

“Please, for the love of Kami, be mine. Doesn’t matter when we’ll see each other again, I’ll save up and move to your country, if I have to-”

You interrupted him with your own little kiss, and he hummed into it, gripping you tighter to him as he broke away, only to lean into your neck.

“I’ve been holding these feelings in for a long time.” You murmured, and he nodded.

“Yeah? Since high school?”

“Yeah.”

“Same for me. When I was away from ya, I kept thinkin’, she’s so lovely, in no time, somebody’s gonna snatch her up. Was she waitin’ for me? Took me a while to figure the last one out, but I did.” He hummed, opting to raise his face and kiss your cheek, smiling.

“So, when’s the wedding?” You broke the silence with a joke, and he huffed.

“Ya know what, ya lil’ shit? Maybe tomorrow.”

“Really? We’re just going to...get married?” You looked at him with wonder, and although blushing furiously, he shrugged.

“We’ve known each other for so long. Been pinin’ and sayin’ nothing. Ugh, we’re both dumbasses.” He sulked a little, and you let out a giggle.

“Alright. We’ll plan for a wedding.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“No dates, or anythin’, just jumpin’ right into it?”

“We’ve been low-key dating. As friends, though. Maybe we could give it another year? See how everything works out as a couple? If we save up, we could get married and one of us move to either Japan or my country.” You explained, his expression softening as he kissed you again, a little firmer, this time.

“Alright. I don’t mind either option, or even if ya wanted your own traditional wedding. Heh. This is happening.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re mine and I’m yours, an’ we’re gonna get married.”

“I’m still a little surprised, but I’d have it no other way.”

“Same here.”

[artsyxloner]

Not just a Monster

Warning: drinking

19: Another Infected

Ji-Soo laid on the recovery table fast asleep. She was still kinda pale but that will soon go away once she starts healing. The group managed to find antibiotics if she got an infection.

I would have given her some of my stuff but it burned up in the car explosion. I've been in here for a while, making sure nothing went wrong. Watching to see if her side was turning red, or started to swell.

It could get infected easily and-spread throughout her body if not watched or treated carefully. Soon Jae-Heon came in, I smiled. He was pretty badass for a man that worships God and is also a great swordsman.

( please note that this is not meant to offend anybody, my religion is Christianity )

He took a seat, laying down some white candles he brought with him. checking over Ji-Soo. I could tell something was going on between them but neither announced it yet. I guess in a world like this it was hard to.

" What are the candles for?" I questioned but waited as he lit them with a lighter. Clasping his hands together he bowed his head and began to Pray. Watching him, I haven't prayed in a long time.

I use to think what was the point, thinking it wouldn't do any good since I did a terrible sin. But seeing how Jae-Heon is still keeping his faith even after killing monsters it was the same difference.

Killing is killing.

If I ask for forgiveness will it help? will I finally stop feeling guilty and move on? Will I be able to forgive myself? I wish I knew what to do I was uncertain. But I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

Dear lord

I know I shouldn't be asking for your forgiveness... but please lift me of the sin I committed and if possible I could somehow forgive myself someday and in hopes, they can too. let my family Rest In Peace.

I finished reopening my eyes, I jumped a little realizing Jae-Heon was watching me. " God will forgive you Soo-Nico for whatever you've done." He reassured me, I felt my heart was weighing heavy.

I had to ask since he's was the only one that I could talk about religion. " how are you so sure?" Was he going to forgive me? For something as terrible as that? Jae-Heon had a knowing look on his face. " Because he's a merciful God,"

With that answer, I nodded, " I don't mean to pry but what were you praying about." I wanted to ask, I probably seem nosy. I saw him glance at Ji-Soo," for someone to live a long, healthy, happy life."

Now it was my turn to give some words of encouragement. " They will," it was short and simple but effective. Jae-Heon patted my shoulder. " you're a good kid, I'll watch over her. you should go eat something to build up your strength,"

he informed, me I had to laugh, now that he mentioned it I was pretty hungry. Rubbing my stomach I got up, bowing. Leaving the room, heading to go get something to eat.

His words somehow made me feel better. They were having dinner in the day-care-center walking in I had grabbed my plate sitting down beside Hye-in. I guess it was better to eat with people than being alone.

She was happily eating, away I noticed she had a white face mask on. She looked like a puffy marshmallow, it seems like they have all washed up. I needed a wash. Taking my spoon, I scooped some rice and took a bite.

" Ms. Cha, " Hye-In spoke up getting the woman's Attention, She had looked up. " I thought that you were tan but you're just really dirty." Hye-In laughed, I raised an eyebrow.

" Thanks.." Ms. Cha stared at her I couldn't believe she just said that. " I'm saying you look good now." what she didn't look better before?

" I got these masks in the mail. Want one?" Hye-in offered to pulling up her shirt, revealing a couple of packs of face masks. Well, that's one way to hide them.

" No, thanks. I know That I look pretty without it." This earned all kinds of laughs around the room. " wait, Seung-Wan needs it." Byeong-ll point making  Seung-Wan clap back defensively.

I have I admit it was pretty funny, as we chatted, Sun-Young walked up to our table she seemed nervous. I wondered what about it? " I should go outside." Before I could take another bite I stopped looking up at her. What for?

" I think I'm starting to have symptoms." that's when all the attention turned towards her. It was quiet, " I should've told you sooner." Sun-Young had a long face as if she was disappointed for not telling. " I guess I didn't want to believe it. I'm sorry."

No one can blame you it's scary finding out your showing symptoms it's like your life just has been ripped away. It's hard to accept. " I just don't want to put everyone in danger. So I should go before it's too late—"

Ms. Cha, interrupted Sun-Young, " still you shouldn't go outside." She dismissed. " she right. You're still human, you'll die if you go outside." Hye-In agreed. But Jay-Hwan thought otherwise.

" –We can't let her stay here?" I rolled my eyes, " why don't you shut up!" I fussed that's when Eun-Hyuk Entered the room. " why don't we all hold a vote?" Byeong-ll suggested a worried look was plastered on his face.

Then he all turned to us, " just vote how you feel, because this is like... taking part in a murder." I remembered those words, the day Eun-Hyuk guilt trip, everybody, to so they could vote for Hyun-Su to stay for selfish reasons.

But that was over and done with now, " I vote she gets to stay in the arcade." He raised his hand, I did also Even Seung-wan, " Me, too. Maybe she'll be able to hold out as Hyun-Su did?"

After that everyone raised their hands. I was Surprised when Eun-Hyuk's hand was raised, he has changed, well a lot of them have. It looked like Sun-Young was about to cry.

Soon everyone said their goodbyes, I felt bad she was going to be locked up. But it's what she wanted to keep everyone safe it's better than being outside.

At least they won't discriminate against her as they did to Hyun-Su and now be there for her. Things were changing for better than worse. Hopefully, it stayed that way.

After finishing my food, everybody was in a gloomy mood. They moved around sitting in different seats. " I could definitely use a drink on a day like this," Byeong-ll grumbled moving his pointer fingers around a small candle that was lit.

" There you go again." 

I didn't mine alcohol, but it sounds good right about now. Jay-Hwan told putting in one earbud," well, do you think Sun-Young will hold out like Hyun-Su?" Seung-Wan rethought his words he said earlier.

" I hope so. I thought it was just her husband, but her whole life is awful."  Hue-in announced, yeah I remember Suk-Hyun.

" lady you're face is Awful." Eun-Yoo sneered, I had to smirk, shaking my head. " well I think Byeong-all it right. We could definitely use a drink today."

Ms. Cha agreed I hadn't noticed she left, she was carrying a glass cylinder it was a beautiful dark red juice with raspberry in it.

Setting it down on the table unwrapping the top taking off the plastic wrap. " What is this Korean wine? Please tell me it is." Byeong-ll pleaded.

Everyone began to turn their heads to see. Gil-Seob sat up smelling the wine, " it's at least four years old." He looked up at Ms. cha and she nodded. He smelled it again as Eun-Yoo and I came over sitting beside each other.

" it could be as good as Medicine." I smiled, taking a glance at Eun-Yoo we were both too young but I already had some wine before but it wasn't that great but I was willing to give it another try.

Eun-Yoo Leander forward smelling it, " Yu-ri left early by the way." She informed him, she then moved pushing the Cylinder to me. " go on," she smiled I did to smelling it. God that smelled so sweet, my mouth watered.

" shall we finish this off before Eun-Hyuk comes?" She suggested, talking about her brother. Gil-Seob stuck his pinky in the jar getting a taste. We all began to laugh.

But stopped seeing Eun-Hyuk, he had a straight face, considering he was the leader he made the choices around here shit. " speak of the devil." Gil-Seob mumbled.

I was for sure he wouldn't let us drink, but to my shock he did. " just don't forget your duties." Eun-Hyuk then left, turning back around we quickly Gil-Seob began pouring the wine into small cups.

He handed them out giving me and Eun-Yoo one. I gladly Excepted it before I could take a sip Eun-Yoo nudged me. " hey, I saw you and Hyun-Su almost kiss." She whispered in my ear. My eyes went wide, feeling my whole body go stiff.

WHAT!?

I took a sip avoiding her stare, wow this was good and sweet, " don't be embarrassed you guys are cute together might as well hook up before you know what happens." She hinted, smirking at me.

I took another sip, gulping it down. Is this girl talk? From an actual friend? I wanted to be together with him and I confessed in way that was out of my comfort zone.

" Thanks... And yeah, what is better than two Infected's getting together in a world where anything and everything could go wrong." I said lowly enough just for her to hear.

She Seconded that. " his lips were this close!" I wined, showing her pinching my thumb and pointer finger together symbolizing how close were to kissing. I could feel my cheeks heat up, was I getting drunk I only took a few sips I must be lightweight.

I leaned my head on her shoulder kinda upset, she brought her hand up patting my head. " don't worry you'll get your chance, and you'll be the one to do it." She added.

I thought it over, " Me? why me?" My eyes glanced up. She huffed, " because Hyun-Su is too nervous, plus you made the first move he still wouldn't have done it if you didn't say anything." Eun-Yoo finished her cup like me.

I think that is enough Wine for today. I sat my cup down, feeling all fuzzy. Thinking about Hyun-Su's lips they were chapped and dry but it didn't matter I kiss them either way.

I then heard Eun-Yoo laugh loudly. Did I say that out loud? " you did!" She confirmed I was embarrassed hiding my face in my hands. Only me.

"All Alright!" Gil-Seob clubbed his hands together, " who's in for a story?" He recommended, " aren't we too old for stories?" Eun-Yoo stated, he only smiled. " not this one." is all he said

Taking a seat where everyone slept. We followed I laid my head on a pillow. " it was a very dark night with no moon. I lay down between the corpses and pretend to be dead, but u were watching them carefully." so this was a scary, story the Irony huh?

" the remnants of the people's army went inside the building, and the allied forces that were after them fired hundreds of shots at the building." He took the weird stick Jay-Hwan was holding and reenacted the gun fire-making Pow sounds.

He was on his knees saying it loudly but he suddenly stopped. " Hey, I know I saw them go into the building with my own two eyes," he said as if he was so sure. " they all went into the building but nobody came out of the building." I was interested now raising.

" and there were no dead bodies found. How baffling that building." He sucked in a breath looking around as if remembering something. It seems like everyone was on the edge of their seats. " Was here." Everyone gasped, raising hearing this.

" then?" Jay-Hwan gulped, " we have no idea what's buried underneath where we are. That's what I mean."

He Motioned towards the ground, " -what? -jeez." Someone asked not to believe this scared, I mentally laughed the only thing scarier than that is me in this room.

They had no idea, well except Eun-Yoo but then there was a loud bang since everyone was tense they all screamed. An unfamiliar man came running into the room wearing a black soldier suit." He came towards us seeing the jar of raspberry's sticking his hands in it eating them.

We all scooted back, Gil-Seob held up the stick ready to attack if needed. But Yi-kyeong strode in. " who are you, someone yelled. " I think he's a runaway soldier." He continued to eat, as the raspberry juice dripped on the table.

He then looked at his stained red hands, he kept mumbling something I think it was run? But from what? " quickly!" He freaked out then started shaking falling to the floor. What the hell?

Yi-kyeong grabbed onto his collar as the boys got up to help her. They dragged him away. " well that was unexpected." Hye-In blurred out. The girls nodded.

Seeing there was no reason to stay anymore, I got up and left before any more surprises popped up. I said my byes to Eun-Yoo, I figured I should search around for Hyun-Su.

A/N

Finally finished with this chapter. And please I'm sorry if an offended anyone talking about god, I don't mean to if you guys worship a different religion. I did it because it fits in with the characters' plot. And I also smell a great friendship coming up.

Thank you guys for the reads, votes, and support!! 🖤

[uswnt-owns-this-homo]

Let a Bitch Hit You- Julie Ertz x Reader

     AN:  Here’s my attempt at a protective JJ, hope I did it justice!

TW: Homophobia, mentions of drugs/alcohol, cursing of course, homophobic slurs and language

You take a deep breath as the ref blows the starting whistle, the Courage kicking the ball back to their defense, signalling the start of the game. You try to follow the ball as much as possible, taking care to stay in position and wait for opportunities and passes to come your way. You can’t help but to think of the circumstances as your teammate, and long term girlfriend, Julie Johnson, gets the ball, and passes it quickly, opening up space and helping the Red Star’s attack. 

      The significance of the game is not lost on you, your first one against your prior team. Jaelene Hinkle, one of the most openly homophobic people in the league, had pushed you towards your transfer, though you and Julie were already discussing a request at a later time. After her and Ashlyn’s epic twitter battle, Jaelene had lashed out slightly, demanding that you, as the “resident queer on the team’’, get dressed for games and practices in a different area, so that she “could change without being leered at”. 

      The rest of the team, minus your national teammates, had just let her go along with it, not defending you or telling her she was wrong. This, along with direct statements to you about your sexuality, including, but not limited to: constantly telling you you’re going to hell and sinning, pelting balls at you during practice, and, during team bonding events, conveniently forgetting to invite you, leaving you disconnected with the rest of the team, had led to the situation at hand.

      Your former teammates, bar the national team members, attack you mercilessly. They go for cheap moves, like holding your jersey during corner kicks, and performing late slide tackles, obviously targeting your notoriously weak ankles and knees. Throughout the game, Julie’s frown has become more prominent, her play more sharp, focused on getting the win over the people, or more accurately, the person, who contributed to her girlfriend's small fall down the rabbit hole.

       Instead of discussing the transfer, and the events behind it, with a professional, you had turned to alcohol, and over the counter medications, drinking booze and then taking benadryl, or cough syrup, and sleeping for days. You had kept up your facade of your usual happy, energized, rival to Sonnett in memes personality, up until you had moved in with Julie in Chicago. She had quickly noticed your actions, taking count of the vodka and medicine bottles, and had pushed you to see a therapist, resulting in your sobriety of now 4 months. 

      Hinkle makes the mistake of going in for a late slide tackle, clipping your already sore ankle. You turn to her and she sneers, winking at you. You slowly get up, rolling your eyes as the ref allows play to continue.

      Julie has been slightly more aggressive when facing Hinkle, and some people have noticed, mainly you, and of course the target herself, especially after a particularly hard run in was made for the ball.

“Hey, Johnson, how about you clean up your play? This is the third time you’ve shoved me, getting sloppy there, homo?”

      The look on your girlfriend’s face says it all, and all you can do is run to put a hand on her shoulder, trying to keep her from retaliating.

“Aw, look, dyke is trying to stop big bad Julie from starting something she can’t finish. How’s the cough syrup binge going, Y/N? Still sober, or have you fucked that up as well?”

      You just blankly stare at her, feeling old urges resurface, trying to stay in the present, as well as keep Julie from getting carded.

“You know, I think you transferred because you know I’m right, and you can’t face the fact that you sin everyday, and don’t like that your sickness is brought to light, isn’t that right, Y/N?”

      Julie shakes you off, stomping forward and shoving Hinkle, causing you to follow, holding her back slightly, your team, and the opposition coming together in a large huddle, Alyssa grabbing Julie and holding her back..

“Alyssa, please. No, Y/N, she can’t talk to you like that! I mean, the league has done jack shit to her for harassing you, or for poor sportsmanship, or any of the other numerous things she’s done. Jesus, you tried to kill yourself! And what does she get? Absolutely nothing!”

Jaelene seems to falter for a moment, before her face turns in a sneer.

“Poor Y/N, can’t take any criticism, what’d you do, try to get away from it?”

      Julie finally breaks out of your and Alyasa’s grip, lunging at Hinkle, landing a solid punch to her jaw. The ref comes running, putting her hands on both players. Julie is still attempting to reach Hinkle, and laughs at the red card she’s shown.

“Oh yeah, fucking let the one who’s caused severe emotional and mental harm to my girlfriend get off scott free!”

Coach calls her over and she rolls her eyes, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead, glaring at Hinkle when she fake gags. 

You’ve had enough, officially snapped, gone off the metaphorical rails of tolerance of douchbaggery.

“You know, you can insult me, make me want to cease living, but you have no right to be disgusted. Any god I know would be appalled at how you’ve treated my community, and I know you don’t go to heaven just on the merit of being a homophobic christian. Ash was right, you have no place on the national team… You wouldn’t fit,”

      You shove her backwards, taking your yellow card with a grin. Play resumes relatively quickly, and your whole team goes forward into the second half with a renewed passion, compensating for Julie’s red. You lose yourself in the game, giving it your absolute all, and laying yourself out on every possible play.  You manage to score 3 goals, one which could have been defended by Hinkle. 

      The whistle blows and your team rushes you, picking you up, hugging you, and cheering. You all head back to the locker room and you spot Julie, staring at her phone, a blank stare on her face. You sit beside her, putting your arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you, so much. For defending me, for fighting for me, even though I really missed my favorite ball feeder,”

Julie cracks a smile and shrugs.

      You pull her in for a short kiss, trying to  convey all of your love for her. You all walk out of the locker room, bags and bus buddies in tow. Julie holds your hand as you walk to the bus, rubbing a thumb over it as you stare blankly ahead of you, thinking back on your whole experience with Jaelene. Julie wraps her arms around you as you both get onto the bus, finding your usual seat beside Alyssa, who smiles worriedly at you. You take a deep breath and look at Julie.

“I just, I thought transferring would give me peace, but she’s still there, the thoughts, they’re still there. Just. Why is it such a big deal to her? I’m just living my life, trying to be happy, and she constantly made me feel, hell, sometimes still makes me feel, worthless, and I know therapy helped, but still, sometimes, like tonight’s game, brings it all back,”

      Julie gets a look on her face, as does Uncle Naeher. They look at each other and nod slightly, brows furrowed.

“Come on Alyssa, Y/N, sit here, we’ll be back in a second,”

You curl up in the seat, listening to Julie talk to Alyssa’s seat mate, and one of your friends on the team, Sam Kerr.

“Look, me and Alyssa have to go do something, we’ll catch an Uber to our place afterwards, could you do me a huge solid, look after Y/N for me? Make sure she stays talking, doesn’t zone out too much?”

Sam nods and Julie sighs, turns to you, and kisses you on the forehead.

Okay, love, I’m gonna go, sort things out.  I’ll be back in a bit, before you go to bed, okay?”

You numbly nod, heart racing.

      She quickly turns to Sam, nods, and goes to get off the not yet started bus. Coach looks at her and Alyssa, and they talk for a few seconds before he waves them on, glancing back at you. Sam moves to sit beside you, and you curl up to her side, silently wishing it was Julie.

      You’ve made it back to the hotel, eyes red from your crying on the way back. You carry your bag to your room, Sam walking you to it and giving you a hug as you walk inside. You put your things down, taking care to organize it so you don’t have to deal with it later. You turn the coffee maker on, set it to hot water, and start to run it, putting a tea bag in and leaving it to brew while you shower. You get your sweats and long sleeve t-shirt, taking out your toiletries and turning the water on cold, hoping the chill will help pull you out of your funk. You hop in and sit under the water, shivering slightly, but unwilling to turn it warmer. 

      You must sit there for an hour, slowly numbing even more from the cold water. You vaguely hear the room’s door open, Julie setting down her bag and putting her keys on the desk.

“Y/N? Babe?”

      You want to turn your head, say something, go lay and curl up in your girlfriend’s arms, let her reassure you, but the motivation doesn’t come. So, you sit and numbly watch, shivering and lips turning blue, as Julie comes in the bathroom, looks to you, and immediately rushes into the shower, clothes on and forehead cut, eye black.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve been here, stayed with you, I just. She did this to you, without really trying, I couldn’t just let that happen,”

      You just shrug and hug her, trying to get warm, regretting your tactic for pulling yourself out of your mind.

“Okay, we need to get you warm. I saw your tea, you can have that, and then we can lay down and watch that documentary you heard about from Rose?”

      You nod, watching her turn water to warm, and strip, leaving her soaked clothes on the bathroom floor. Julie slowly washes your hair, conditions it, and takes a cloth to your slowly warming body, every touch and prod gentle and full of love. She keeps you under the warm spray for a while, holding you and rocking slightly.

“Okay, now which one of my hoodies do you want? We have the Santa Clara U or the Red Stars one, and some sweats, and some fuzzy socks are in your near future,”

You smile.

“You wore the Red Stars one more recently, so that one,”

A small blush runs across her cheeks, her usual confident demeanour gone.

“I’ll see what I can do, charmer. Ready to get out, get bundled, and get cuddled?”

She goes about shutting off the water, looking down to nod at you, and then stands up, you still cradled to her chest. You have a moment of realization.

“If I ask nicely, will you avoid putting clothing on?”

She sputters and turns tomato red.

“I- what? No, clothes are going on so I can properly warm you up, no more sly passes! I’m trying to take care of you, short stuff,”

You glower, sigh, and wrap your arms around her neck, waiting for her to put you down.

“Okay, look, tonight may have gotten to me, just a bit, but even all wacked out, I know somethings wrong. What happened to your face, and where’s Uncle?”

She sighs and starts to towel you off.

“Fine, The Giant and I went to have a chat with Hinkle, and I had her record it. I simply started talking with Hinkle, trying to reason and help her to understand things a little better, and then she hit me, and I didn’t hit back, and then she hit me some more,so now we’re hoping that we can send this to the big people in charge and maybe she’ll get suspended or in trouble or something. Alyssa is back with Sammy trying to stay away from conflict for the rest of her life. She did tell me to tell you to come down tomorrow if you needed some tips for dealing with the whole situation. Honestly think it’s the most she’s spoken this season,”

      You hug her and wrap the towel around her shoulders before smacking her gently in the leg.

“No more inciting violence in the hopes that you fuck with people who have ‘wronged me’ or whatever it is you said that one time, got it? Also, you need ice, but I will say I love a girl with a black eye,”

      You walk off into the main part of the room, ruffling through Julie’s bag to find her sweatshirt, lifting it over your head with a triumphant croon.

“Aw yeah, the epic girlfriend hoodie, let’s go!”

      Julie chuckles and walks out, coming up behind you and grabbing her SCU hoodie, pulling it on and winking.

“So that next time you want a sweatshirt, you can have a freshly me scented one,”

      You roll your eyes and grab a pair of training shorts, pulling them on and grabbing your tea, laying back carefully on the bed.

“Okay, coral documentary, snuggles, and then sleep,”

      Julie nods and gets in bed, pulling you close and grabbing the laptop beside the bed and opening up Netflix.

“Sounds like a pretty amazing night to me, shorty, let’s watch us some ocean stuff,”

     Needless to say you’re crying by the end of the documentary. Julie jerks awake, her soft snoring abruptly ceasing.

“What? What happened, who hurt you, I’ll let em’ punch me, get their ass suuspeendedd,”

      You chuckle, still crying slightly.

“Nobody, babe, just, he loves coral! And it’s disappearing, and he’s sad and all emotional and now I’m all emotional!”

      You sniff a few times and shut the computer, quickly putting it on the bedside table.

“Please don’t let anyone hit you again, Juls, pretty please,”

      She sleepily grunts and mumbles.

“Man, sometimes you just let a bitch hit you, ya’ know. Gotta get the w somehow, cause I sure didn’t get it during the game,”

      You laugh and wrap her arms tighter around you, knowing it’s going to be a bit of a long road ahead, but certain that the whole situation will pan out, and that you have Julie by your side through all of it.

[jawritter]

The Arrangement

Part 9

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: Angst, Jared is an asshole in this fic, but He has his reasons, language, insecure reader, sheltered reader, scared reader, protective Jensen, I think that’s pretty much it.

Word Count: 3106

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

It was a quiet ride over to Jared's house. 

Even though it wasn't that far from where Jensen and yourself were staying, it seemed like the drive over took forever, and then didn't last long enough all at the same time. Your stomach did nervous flips the whole way there, and your mind traveled to the worst scenario over and over again.

What if Jensen's friends hated you? What if it angered Jensen that they didn't accept you? What if he wanted to take you back to Dallas because you weren't good enough to fit into his lifestyle?

You didn't know how to do this. You didn't know how to function outside of the church world that you grew up in  with your family.This was all new to you. So far Jensen had been more patient with you than you expected him to ever be, but you didn’t   know how much more slack he was willing to grant you. 

He had only tried to have sex with you once  since you where married, which made you think he must not have been that impressed with you. 

Sure, the day after your wedding night, he’d taken a shower with you, and his hands weren’t shy about wandering, but he said he didn’t want to hurt you, because he knew you had to be sore.

Then there was your little interruption this morning, effectively putting a halt into your extracurricular activities. 

Other than that, he’d not really shown any interest in touching that way, aside from cuddling.

Needless to say, you had a whole lot of insecurities going on right now.  Anxiety that Jensen didn't  know that you fought against gnawing away at the corners of your consciousness. You focused on breathing as you stared at the scenery flying by you out of the car window. 

Austin wasn't quite as big as Dallas, but it was much more appealing. It was livelier almost, less businesslike. It had  its own little personality centered around art and a culture that fascinated you. 

Turning off the main road, Jensen began to make his way up the long driveway that would inevitably lead you to the front of Jared's house. Closing your eyes you started to count backwards, and focus more on your breathing to calm you down . You hadn't noticed that your hands were visibly trembling, but Jensen had. 

Reaching over from the driver's seat, he grabbed one of your hands that you had folded in your lap and squeezed it, making your eyes snap open. He'd stopped the car in front of a large, beautiful house with a well manicured lawn, and grounds surrounding it. 

"Hey, everything okay? Are you feeling okay?" he asked, eyes searching you. 

He looked genuinely worried about you, but you couldn't trouble him with your anxiety issues, so you shoved it down even though you felt that familiar feeling of the tightening in your chest, and smiled at him. 

"Yeah. Just nervous." you tell him. 

Pulling you as close to him as he could in the car, he pecks you on the check, causing a blush to rise up to where his lips had just been, and sending a warm feeling all the way through your body, effectively driving away some of the anxiety and fear. 

"Everything is going to be just fine. We don't have to be here long, they just want to meet you. They're a little worried about me. I divorced Danneel and then appeared with you. That's not exactly something normal people do, you know." 

You nodded your head and didn't say a word. That's what you were worried about. You'd been so secluded for so long that you really didn't know how to act like 'normal' people, or at least normal as they classified it. 

Jensen opened his mouth to say something else, when a hand reached up and knocked on the driver side window making you both jump. 

"Jared, you scared the shit out of me." Jensen yelled, jerking the door open, and looking up at the extremely tall man with long hair and a beard oddly resembling Jesus.

Jensen walked around the car as you opened the door, and took your hand as you got out of it, shutting the door for you as the tall man approached the car.

"Jared, this is my wife,Y/N. Y/N, this is my best friend Jared, and that little woman hiding behind him over there is his wife Gen." 

"Hi", was all you could manage in a quiet voice, looking down at the ground more than making eye contact with either of the two people in front of you. You wanted desperately to hide behind Jensen’s tall form, but you knew that wouldn’t be exactly acceptable behavior, and you didn’t want to make your husband look bad. 

"Hi Y/N, It's nice to finally meet you!!" Gen said, running up and pulling you into a hug you didn't expect, but returned after a moment. Jared only nodded at you, then turned the conversation back to Jensen that you didn’t  hear. Your nerves were too high to pay that much attention, but you were pretty sure they were talking about a car of some sort that Jensen was supposed to be getting.

"So, are you guys going to stick around for dinner tonight? It should be ready in about thirty minutes! We're having enchiladas Jensen!!" Gen said, bouncing over to him, throwing her arm and round his neck like they'd always known each other. 

You'd be a liar if you said you didn't feel more than a little bit out of place, and you weren’t sure how you felt about this stranger , just running up to Jensen and throwing her arms around his neck. You were always taught to keep your distance from married men.

"Sure, how can I turn down free food." Jensen said, giving Gen a wink, and a pang of jealousy slapped you right in the gut when he did so. She seemed totally unaffected by his actions, smacking him in his chest with her hand before walking off into the house.

"Where are the kids?" Jensen asked Jared who was watching you closely, but still hadn't addressed you directly. 

"They are with my parents for the weekend. Why don't you guys come inside?" he said, leading the way into the large, very well and tastefully decorated house. 

As you followed the men into the sitting room, your fingers laced with Jensen's, staying as close to him as possible, but keeping quiet and your head down. 

You both sat down on the little leather loveseat in the room across from the couch that Jared sat down on. Jensen pulled you close to him and wrapped your arm tightly around you.

Gen appeared with a tray of beers and a bottle of wine with two glasses on it, putting it down on the table, and pouring wine into the two empty glasses handing you one before the boys could grab a beer.

"So,Y/N., Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?" Jared said a little louder than he had to in the small space, making you look up from the glass in your hand at the man sitting across from you as Gen took a seat next to him.

"There's not a whole lot to tell." you tell him in a quiet voice, and that wasn't a lie. Your whole life has revolved around the church, and your family. You had neither anymore. Jensen had moved you to Austin, so the church was out, and you lost your family.

"Oh come on. There's got to be something. Hobbies, interests? The reason why you jumped up and agreed to  marry a man that's 11 years your senior?" he said, a little sharply. 

You looked at Jensen a little panicked, and Gen grabbed Jared's arm, giving him a stern look. 

Jensen pulled you tighter into his hold, before looking over at his friend. 

"Y/N wasn't raised like you were Jared. She doesn't quite know how to respond to your question, or your demeanor for that matter." 

He took your wine glass from your hand that you had yet to take a drink from, and sat it on the coffee table in front of you.

"Y/N and I were in the same church. We were supposed to be married when she turned 18. By the time she turned 18, I was already in California, and had left the church. She doesn't know life outside of that place, and her family. She doesn't understand speaking so directly to her unless you are  her father, husband, or pastor. She doesn't drink.She has grown up highly sheltered. I'm not saying that, that is right; though I am asking you to mind your tone of voice with my wife. She's still learning and adjusting to life away from that place, and I expect you to treat her with the same respect as you show me, as well as being a little patient."

Jared looked down at this lap for a moment like a scolded child. Jensen definitely had the whole alpha male personality that other men seemed to pick up on right away. You didn't know if it was the deep tone in his voice, or that even though he was thin he was solid. His broad chest and shoulders made him look like a force to be reckoned with, and if he wanted to, he could hurt someone. 

"I'm sorry.I'm just worried about you man, you know that." Jared said, directly addressing Jensen now. 

"Like I told you on the phone, there is no need to be worried. Y/N didn't come looking for me to take advantage of my money, or become famous. I went looking for her after I found out what Danneel did to me. I wanted to do what I should have done all those years ago, and marry the woman I was meant to marry, so that's what I did. If you don't want to understand that, or have a problem with it, that’s your own affair, but you will not take your misunderstood feelings out on my wife Jared, I won't allow it. Respect my wife as you do me, and if you call yourself my friend, you will respect my decisions." 

Jared shook his head, glancing between you and Jensen. Gen was watching you closely not saying a word. 

"I'm sure the food is almost done. Y/N, would you like to come help me make up a salad and get the plates ready?" 

You definitely wanted an excuse to get away from Jared, and out of the tense atmosphere. Cooking and place setting was something you could do, and knew how to do it well, so you looked up and Jensen for permission. 

He nodded his head to you, and loosened his grip on your shoulders as Gen stood, and you followed her into the expansive kitchen, grateful to be away from the tenseness of the room you were just sitting in.

Jensen's POV:

"The fuck is wrong with you? Why did you attack her like that? She has said nothing to you, nor has she done anything to you.There's no reason for you to be so harsh towards her." Jensen said, taking down the rest of his beer in one swig.

"Sorry Jay, I just don't trust her. Her family probably just sent her here to milk...."

Jensen threw his hand up to stop Jared in his tracks.

"Jared!! That's enough! Her families dead. They died two days before I went to claim her. This was my choice, my idea. I chose her. She has never done anything wrong, she's not a gold digger, and I would appreciate it if you would stop being a dick."

Jared looked over at his friend coldy, taking a deep breath, trying to keep his temper under control. 

"Jensen. Do you even have a 'real' marriage with that woman? I mean you say she's been sheltered and all that shit. I mean she probably can't even fu..." 

Jensen got to his feet, knowing where this conversation was going, and it was quickly pissing him off. He had heard all of the shit he could stomach. He thought Jared was his brother, his best friend, why was he being so hateful to Y/N when she'd never done a single thing to him?

"To answer your question, that really is none of your business. She's perfectly capable of performing in a satisfactory manner as far as a physical marriage is concerned. She and I have consummated our marriage if you must know. She's just as much my wife as Gen is yours.”

Jensen shoved his hands through his hair harshly before reaching down, and grabbing his phone from the coffee table where he’d sat it a few moments ago. 

“I've had enough of this. I'm getting my wife and going home."

Before Jared could stand to stop him, Gen poked her head around the door. 

"Okay boys, dinners ready!"

"Okay” they said in unison. 

Jensen turned to look at Jared, giving him a death glare. 

"One word out of line towards my wife, and we're leaving, do you understand me?" Jensen said. Jared looked down at the ground like a scolded child, knowing he'd overstepped his boundaries, and it was going to take quite a bit of making up to Jensen before he’d forgive me. He was just worried about his friends well being. This was all very strange to Jared. 

Your POV:

You were standing at the counter, putting the finishing touches on the salad you'd been busy making since you entered the kitchen, grateful for something to do with your hands to keep yourself busy. Placing the utensils into the salad bowl, you passed the bowl to Gen as she reentered the kitchen with you, leading the way into the dinning room.

"The boys are headed into the dinning room." she said, over her shoulder. 

She seemed like a nice person, someone you would probably be able to make friends with. Her husband on the other hand, hated you and that made your chest ache a little. 

You were shocked when Jensen had stood up for you before Gen brought you into the kitchen to help her prepare the rest of the food and set the table. 

You expected him to side with the other man in the room, though you didn't know what Jared may have convinced him about you when you were away in the kitchen just now, and it made you nervous, the fact that Jared may have made Jensen see his side of things, making Jensen want to take you back to Dallas. 

Jared and Jensen were sitting down in their chairs as you and Gen entered the room, sitting the salad down on the table. 

"Okay everyone dig in!!" she said, taking her seat next to Jared. 

You found it odd that Jensen and Jared grabbed empty plates, and started to fix their own food. You were always raised in the custom that the wives fixed the men's plates first. Then the children, then themselves. Though there were no children here tonight, it was odd to watch them fix their own food. 

Grabbing a plate of your own, you fixed a very small portion of food onto your plate, mimicking Jensen's. He had barely put any food on his plate , and seemed very tense when you took your seat next to him. It seemed he was ready to go, and didn’t want to hang around much longer, which you couldn't help but hope you were right on that account. 

Two hours later everyone had ate, and the kitchen was cleaned up between yourself and Gen. She was pretty easy to talk to, and seemed to know her way around the kitchen. Jensen and Jared stayed sitting at the table, talking tensely about Jared's new role that he'd picked up that was due to film in Austin. 

They were sitting silently when you reentered the dining room.Jensen looked up at you hopefully, and then back at Jared.

"Well, it's getting late, we need to get going. Gen dinner was great, thanks for everything." 

Before either of them could really respond to him Jensen had grabbed your hand, and started making his way toward the door. 

"Well it was nice to meet you Y/N! Let's get together, and get our nails done some time or something." she said as you reached the porch with Jensen, his hand wrapped tightly around yours. You just smiled and nodded at her, not knowing if Jensen would be okay with that or not. 

Once you had reached the car, Jensen opened the door for you, and you slid inside. You were so glad for that to be over. You could tell that didn't go as planned for Jensen. He was hoping Jared would have accepted you, and for some reason he obviously did not. 

Once he was back on the main highway headed toward home, he looked over at you and took your hand once again in his. 

"You okay, sweetheart?" 

"Yeah, I’m okay, I'm sorry your friend doesn't like me." you said quietly, looking down, ashamed into your lap, hoping and praying that Jensen wasn't too angry with you.

"Don't worry about him, he will get used to you. This is just all new to him." 

Picking your hand up to his lips, he kissed the back of your hand lightly, eyes still focused on the road, and his shoulders tense.

"Let's get you home, get showered, and crawl into our bed and die for the night. It's been a long day." Jensen said, suppressing a yawn. You didn't realize how long you had been at Jared's; it was almost midnight, the streets in Austin much calmer from lack of traffic. 

Relief  flooded you as you looked back out the window, watching the lights of the city speed by you in a blur against the dark sky. He wasn't going to send you away after all, or at least he didn’t seem so angry that he didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as you, so maybe you didn’t mess this up to bad.

Exhaustion hit you like a freight train the closer you got to home. It has been a stressful day for you. Tomorrow you would try harder to be a better wife for Jensen. He deserved so much more than you'd been giving him, and you were determined to make him happy.

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[bemused-writer]

The Great Roland Comparison

I've been meaning to write this for, um, ages now (I finished the poem, "Song of Roland" last year), but I wasn't completely sure how I wanted to organize the comparison. Did I want to investigate each stanza? Separate it into specific important moments? But what I've decided to do is break it down more loosely by pertinent character relationships and plot points in the poem and see if any of those are actually relevant to our manga counterpart. Roland & Aude The relationship between these two is actually somewhat important in the poem and completely missing from the manga. Aude is Olivier's sister and Roland's fiancee, so she's of relevance to both men. That does not mean she is given a great deal of character development (although I would hesitate to say anyone in this poem was), but she is utterly devoted to Roland and, in fact, dies upon learning of his own death. I'd say she also serves as a way of emphasizing how close Roland and Olivier are. They're best friends and Roland is actually about to join Olivier's family. But as I said, Aude is not in VNC and Roland definitely isn't acting like he's engaged to anybody considering Olivier has remarked on his numerous failed relationships. I think we can also safely say Roland isn't engaged to Olivier's sister given how flippant he was about the whole thing. This kind of fits in with how these two are more... comrades than typical friends in the manga. If Roland were engaged to Olivier's sister in the manga, I think they'd need a drastically different relationship. There would hopefully be less pseudo-antagonism at the very least. Which brings us to: Roland & Olivier These two are in both versions with a few changes. In the poem, Olivier takes Roland's lead on things. He's not a servant exactly, but there's no doubt that Roland is in charge. His opinion of Roland in the poem isn't wildly different from the manga, though. XD When Roland says he will take care of their war he replies with, "'That shall you not,' Count Oliver let loose; 'You're high of heart and stubborn of your mood, you'd land yourself, I warrant, in some feud.'" (Bold is mine.) I mean, yeah, that sounds like our Roland. XD He maintains a lot of cheer in the manga, but he seeks out trouble without hesitation. Olivier has reason to worry in both versions. And, likewise, in both versions Roland's decisions directly impact Olivier. In the poem, Olivier dies at his side, in the manga, Olivier is afraid of the repercussions Roland's decisions will have on him because, much like his poem counterpart, he is loyal to Roland, even if we can't quite say why in this version. It seems like, while Olivier goes out of his way to help Roland in the manga, Olivier is the one in a position of power more so than Roland is in contrast to the poem. Even so, I have no doubt that Roland is going to get his way more often than not. I am curious why this is, though. As I said earlier, Roland isn't engaged to Olivier's sister, so there isn't that familial bond to connect them. We know they've known each other for years, but how did they meet? In the church more generally? Or only after they became chasseurs? I get the impression Roland hails from a lower income class than Olivier, and considering how fussy people were about different classes interacting at this point, it seems unlikely they would have met casually, but who knows?

Roland & Astolfo Astolfo was nowhere to be found in the poem, so there isn't any comparison I can do there. What I can say is that Astolfo is serving as a way to show us a different side of Roland: a more serious, somber side. Roland saved him from a miserable death at the hands of vampires, but rather than bring them closer together this is the wedge that keeps them apart. Astolfo resents Roland for saving him instead of his sister, despises how relaxed he acts around others, and probably doesn't enjoy the fact he gets none of that treatment himself. (I'm making an assumption there. If he does, he probably hates being treated like a child, so Roland isn't going to win either way.) I think Astolfo will show us how far Roland's kindness goes. We know he has several siblings, but does he see Astolfo as one of them? Or merely a misguided paladin with too much power and an irresponsible nature? Roland & the Church This is probably the most important facet of Roland's personality both in the poem and the manga: his loyalty to the Church. The poem paints him as zealous, loyal, a bit hardheaded, but ultimately the absolute image of a hero. No one doubts him. Likewise, in the manga, Roland is seen as extremely faithful, but Olivier casts doubt on his faith. He says Roland doesn't really believe in God so much as he believes in himself, and that is a stark contrast to the Roland of the poem. I have no doubt poem!Roland had a lot of self-confidence. Indeed, he probably had too much given Olivier's opinion of him in it, but no one was suggesting he had more faith in himself than God. I should clarify that Olivier said he believes in himself "as a follower of God." And what that's saying is that Roland believes in God, yes, but in his own interpretation of God, not that of the Church's. That goes a long way towards explaining why he could change his perception of vampires at the drop of a hat. It would also make him a threat to the Church; he's a powerful paladin who is willing to follow his own beliefs above those of his superiors. In the poem, Roland dies defending the French people and the Christian faith. But I sincerely doubt that's how it's going to go down in the manga. I'm pretty well convinced he's going to die, but my guess is he will die in opposition to the Church, but in full faith that he has served God the way he was meant to. In other words, I wouldn't be surprised if he dies helping Noé and Vanitas. Already he has mentioned he wants to protect Vanitas, that he worries for him, and rightly so. Olivier also died in the poem, and honestly, I don't think he's getting out of it in the manga either. In the poem, he died at Roland's side, with him to the last. In the manga, I suspect he will also die by Roland's side, though perhaps more reluctantly than in the poem. He keeps helping Roland despite knowing how bad this is going to look for him in the future. He wants Roland to remain loyal to the Church and to stop doing all his suspicious activities, but I think they both know that isn't going to happen, so his only hope is that Roland will keep it under wraps, which, well, he's tried, but other chasseurs are already suspicious. This isn't going to end well for either of them. There's always a slim chance Olivier will "betray" Roland and side with the Church, but based off of what we've seen so far, that seems an unlikely resolution. I'd say the main takeaway I have from the poem in regards to the manga is that the themes of the poem, loyalty to God and country, are going to be inspected more thoroughly. What does it mean to be faithful to God? Or yourself or your country for that matter? Those are the questions Roland will have to contend with while Olivier will have to contend with where his loyalties lie: Roland or the Church itself.

[love-geeky-fangirl]

Ranking every Teen Drama I have ever watched

(Updated)

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

+ young Shailene Woodley and Molly Ringwald I guess

- everything else. Even Shailene Woodley's and Molly Ringwald's performances weren't that great because the writing is just oh so bad. The background music is bland and repetative and it sounds like out of some teenager's YouTube chanel. The plotlines are ridiculous and convoluted, which isn't neccessarily such a bad thing, because it is a teen drama show after all, the problem is the show seems to take itself too seriously. Other entries on this list also have ridiculously convoluted plotlines, but I'm ranking them highed because they don't take themselves too seriously and don't claim to be realistic like this show does. Seriously, from the title it suggests like this was going to be a real, uncensored look into high school but it's the furthest thing from it. Not to mention how problematic it is- God forbid someone suggests that a 14-year-old pregnant girl gets an abortion or gives the baby up for adoption without being seen as a terrible and despicable person.

Otp: Marc Molina x a job somewhere far, far away from these kids

Notps: every single pairing on this show

Best moment: literally none

Weirdest moment: "I'm such a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." What were the writers thinking??? Was this supposed to be romantic??

We Children From Zoo Station

+the aesthetic, the casting of Christiane, Detlef and Axel

-this was such a letdown. Honestly I was so hyped for it after seeing the trailer since I've read the book and didn't particularly like the movie- I feel like it's hard to fit all of Christiane's story into 90 minutes. That's why I was so excited about this show. Christiane's story covers so much, so it's easier to make it into a TV show when you don't want to ommit anything and butcher the story. But they somehow managed to do it anyway. They changed so much for no reason and completely erased Christiane's childhood trauma, which was important in the book. Now, I know you can say that it's just a loose adaptation, so it doesn't have to follow the book word for word. But I feel like if you already decided to tell her- a real person's story- you should at least do it authentically. Imo they shouldn't have tried to make the setting vague. It worked with Sex Education because the story of Sex Education is timeless. However, Christiane's story is not timeless. It's a true story set in the 1970s. If they were making a new show from scratch, I would have liked it. But this is an already existing story and they’re supposed to be just retelling it. My last issue is a nit pick but I wish the actresses playing Stella and Babsi were reversed. It just would've fit better.

Otps: all those kids x sobriety

Notp: Christiane x Detlef

Best moment: Christiane's first time in Sound was pretty true to the book

Weirdest moment: when Detlef became a gigolo because he needed money for his dog. Who tf thought of that?

Pretty Little Liars

+ makeup, style, the theme song, the drama and mystery that always kept me guessing, the cliffhangers at the end of each episode that made it so addictive, Emily's coming out story, Hanna and Spencer had some good lines

- the mishandling of some serious issues (namely eating disorders), romantization of student-teacher relationship, the timeline not making much sense, these writers seem to put more thought into the characters' outfits than the storylines

Otps: Emily x Maya, Hanna x Caleb

Notp: Ezria

Best moment: Hanna and Caleb in the shower (the sexual tension was cuttable with a knife)

Weirdest moments: Aria asking Ezra out in the middle of a make-up test (it was supposed to be cute but it was just cringy), Spencer trying to block A's text messages on a laptop, in the middle of a park (what? Spencer, you were supposed to be the smart one!)

One Tree Hill

+ Brooke, the theme song, Chad Michael Murray

- the casual drinking and driving (I mean seriously these kids play a drinking game at a party and then casually hop into a car and drive home??), too much basketball and cheerleading (that's not a bad thing per se but I just don't really care about neither of these things), it just seems too stereotypical and kinda bland?? I couldn't really get into it

Otp: Naley

Notp: Peyton x Nathan

Best moment: Naley by the dock

Weirdest moment: "I guess I'm just a riddle, wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch." It's not really a bad moment but a cringy line. I guess the writers though they were being clever but it just sounded bad.

Dawson's Creek

+ the clothes, the 90s aesthetic, the 90s soundtrack, many movie references, Pacey is a sweetheart, Jen is a feminist icon, dealing with mental health issues through Andie (it's rare to see in shows as old as this)

- the slutshaming of Jen really hasn't aged well, the storyline of Pacey being statury raped by his much older teacher was mishandled (it was either treated as scandalous, cool or in Andie’s case somehow shameful), same goes for Jen’s backstory- it was mentioned she was raped at 12 by an older man and then never brought up again, Dawson is the most unlikable protagonist ever and his friendship/relationship with Joey is codependent and possessive, the dialogue is sometimes pretentious and unrealistic, the timeline doesn't really add up- I can never tell what time of the year it's supposed to be, because it looks like it's always fall for some reason. And how did they sophomore year have two homecomings?

Otps: Pacey x Andie, Pacey x Joey (yes, both at the same time)

Notp: Dawson x Joey

Best moments: Jen helping Joey when that jerk was spreading rumours about her and then Jen and Joey locking Abby in the closet together (I love it when they stick together instead of tearing each other down), Pacey and Joey bickering

Weirdest moments: when Joey was upset because Dawson didn’t want to tell her how often he “walks his dog”, when Jen was about to have a treesome at a party and Dawson walked into the room and carried her out despite her kicking and screaming

Glee

+ funny, Sue Sylvester's iconic, great covers and a way to find new songs, the performances are aesthetically pleasing, lgbtq+ representation, tackling of serious issues, coming out story, a father who’s accepting of his son’s sexuality right away despite not really understanding it (it’s so rare to see, that’s why it’s so refreshing), the plotlines are ridiculous but at least the show doesn't take itself too seriously

-as I already said the 1st season was great but after that it just seemed like the writers made up a checklist of hard issues they should tackle and tried to tackle every single one of them while covering every single song and it just fell flat. Prime example- Quinn ending up in a wheelchair getting into a car crash to warn us from drinking and driving, singing I’m Still Standing and then suddenly being able to walk normally after. a few episodes Rachel and Finn got almost all songs, while other characters were criminally underrated and underused (Tina, Quinn, Mercedes). The teachers are questionable to put it mildly. Cringy moments- Finn singing You're Having My Baby to Quinn in front of her parents when it wasn't even his baby! Also no one except of Kurt looks like they could be in high school. And why are these cheerleaders wearing their uniforms 24/7??

Otps: Brittana, Sam x Quinn, Tina x Artie (unpopular opinion, I know), Mr Schue x unemployment

Notp: Quinn x Finn

Best moments: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody

Weirdest moment: Rachel's gross and painfully awkward crush on Mr Schue, Mr Schue joining the Glee club on the stage for a performance of Toxic and girls in the audience cat calling him (Ewww)

Euphoria

+ Zendaya's and Jacob Elordi's performances, tackling of serious issues such as drug addiction and overdose, anxiety and depression, abusive relationships and abortion in a better manner than most (if not all) teen dramas, the aesthetics, makeup and wardrobe, the musical number in the finale, the special episodes giving us insight into the characters' psychology, toxic relationships not being romanticized (which is sadly rare), teenagers sounding like actual real life teens (no "I reject reality" crap)

- lack of comic relief (why so serious all the time), sexualization of teen characters (I know this is something many teen dramas are guilty of but it's the most evident here), too much nudity (I know some of you are going to come at me with: "But it's realistic!" So what? It is realitic that teenagers get naked when they go into shower but does it mean we have to see it?? It seems to me like this show is trying too hard to be "boundary pushing" at times and ends up being scandalous just for the sake of being scandalous), these characters just aren't believable as high school juniors to me (they sound like high schoolers but they certainly don’t act, look or dress that way). There's no reason this show couldn't have been set in college.

Otps: Rue x sobriety, Nate x prison

Notps: Nate x Maddy, Cassie x McKay

Best moments: "You did this to me!" and the musical number in the season 1 finale

Weirdest moment: the fact that Maddy lost her virginity at 14 to a 40-year-old man being mentioned so casually because apparently she was "totally in control". Excuse me what??

Skins

+ style and makeup- each character has a signature trademark (Sid and his beanie, Effy's eyeliner, Cassie's soft eyeshadow), their British accents, I'm pretty sure this is the only teen drama that follows multiple classes, teenage characters being played by actual teen actors, the characters looking like average people you meet in high school and not as if they just walked off the runway, dealing with serious issues such as drug abuse, eating disorder, parental abandonment etc (yes, some people claim the show romanticized it, but I disagree. It's not the show that romanticized it- it's the fans. The show tried to portray the dangers of drugs as well as possible. Think about it- every time characters used drugs it ended in a disaster. In the pilot they thought that Cassie overdosed and ended up crashing a car while rushing into the hospital. In later season Effy hit her friend in the head with a rock because she was having a bad trip. That's not romanticizing drugs.), Effy is iconic and honestly the first episode was enough to get me hooked

- every single teacher being a creep and having a thing for a student at some point, the show can get too dark and unncessarily dramatic at times. Did that many people have to die? Did Chris's death really have to be this graphic? Timeline doesn't really add up- are 8 episodes supposed to cover the whole year? It would've made more sense if there were more episodes in a season.

Otps: Chris x Jal, Emily x Naomi

Notps: Sid x Michelle

Best moment: ooh baby it's a wild world

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

The OC

+ more grounded in reality than many others on this list, the theme song, the love stories, Seth and Summer are funny, the friendships are believable and the whole group has great chemistry

- too many unneccessary fights, Luke is the worst, everyone is way too casual about drunk driving, these parents are WAAAY too chill (I know this can be said about many teen dramas but it's the most obvious here. How did the Roberts and the Coopers let two 16-year-old girls go to Mexico alone?? With no supervision?? What?)

Otps: Seth x Summer, Ryan x Marissa

Notp: Luke x Marissa

Best moments: the “oh no, there’s only one bed” in the Mexico episode, Seth and Summer's first kiss and that kiss at the yacht, Ryan and Marissa's first date by the pool

Weirdest moment: these parents letting their teenage kids go to Mexico alone. It's irresponsible when they're 16 but apparently they let them go there and party every year. What?

Gossip Girl

+ every episode having a clever title, the style, the makeup, the 00s soundtrack, the glamour of it all (it feels like reading a very gossipy magazine!), all the scandals, this show never pretends to portray the realitic teenage experience so it can pretty much be as far-fetched as it wants to and you can’t question it, it gives you a chance to live the fantasy of being super rich, living with a penthouse, riding a limo to school and going to parties in New York City every night

- the final reveal doesn't make any sense, just like with PLL these writers seemed to have put more thought into the outfits and makeup than into the plotlines, romantization of a toxic relationship, having every two straight characters date or hook up at some point, which just felt forced, mishandling of serious issues (Blair's eating disorder, Eric's suicide attempt and Serena and Jenny's sexual assault from the pilot being brought up when it's convenient but not really dealt with and brushed off at other times), sexualization of teen characters

Otps: Dan x Blair, Serena x Nate

Notps: Chuck x Blair

Best moments: the Thanksgiving flashbacks, Blair and Serena running around New York and taking selfies in stolen dresses, Nate and Serena’s first time (although it was better in the books) and then their kiss at the white party, the sheer scandal of "I killed someone", Dan giving Blair a plastic tiara to make her feel like a princess

Weirdest moments: Chuck's father returning from the death and then dying again, by yeeting himself off the roof

Freaks and Geeks

+ probably the most realistic teen drama there is, the characters dress the way I can see actual teens dressing, funny, but also heatbreaking at times, probably the only teen show that included an intersex character, the characters being a little stereotypical but self-aware at least, young James Franco and Jason Segel

- the bullying being a bit too much at times and it's a bit unrealistic that the teachers would do literally nothing about it, too short- I will never understand why this got cancelled

Otps: Daniel x Kim, Lindsay x Nick, Amy x Ken

Notps: Sam x Cindy

Best moments: Sam breaking down at the end of Garage Door, Daniel and Kim getting back together in the rain

Weirdest moment: Cindy doing a 180 and becoming super mean when she started dating Sam.

Gilmore Girls

+ so many movie, literary and music references, the quotable lines (what a great way to learn about new movies, books and bands! It’s so unique for a TV show to make you smarter), the witty banter, the comfort of the first few seasons (it really feels like wrapping a warm blanket around yourself while holding a hot cup of coffee, I can’t explain why, but it’s such a comfort show), the quirky small town with many unique festivals, many entertaining and snappy fights where everyone has a point, characters dealing with real world problems (seriously, how often do you see a storyline about termites? Or a teenager with zit cream on a teen drama show?), this is also one of the few shows where teenagers are shown to have rules and restrictions and curfews (finally some kids growing up with strict parents representation) and doing homework and studying and not just partying and drinking and having sex all the time and that’s so refreshing

- but while it is refreshing to see teenagers waiting to have sex and not doing it behind every corner, the show is kind of sex negative. Every single time a (female) character loses her virginity it ends in a disaster. Even when she loses it after she’s married! It doesn’t make any sense, unless the writers just really hated women. Also slutshaming (”I got the good kid!”) ewww. The money and budget doesn’t make much sense on the show either and the girls seem immune to calories. I know some people might come at me for this with: “But it’s just a show!” but I think it’s harmful to show beautiful, thin women eat nothing but tons of junkfood all the time and never excersize and then fatshame people who do excersize but aren’t fortunate enough to be blessed with amazing Gilmore genes, and then throw around tactless references to eating disorders.

Otps: Lane x Dave, Jess x Rory

Notps: Lane x Zach, Rory x Dean, Lorelai x Christopher

Best moments: Then She Appeared, Rory’s valedictorian speech, Lorelai’s graduation

Weirdest moment: Lorelai and Christopher getting married in Paris at 4am. That’s not how it works in Europe. Do Americans think every single Europian country works like Las Vegas, where you can just get married whenever you decide??

[haelieana]

TL : Leah

PR : Xeven_

Chapter 2

"Oh my, Luen, this is......"

"You have nice skin, so I enjoyed doing your makeup and the dress looks good on you. The Duke will surely fall in love again."

"The rumor has spread to the lady's on society that the Duke adores you. I envy you."

I don't know if I'm in a good mood, or if you want to make me feel good. Whoosh, I smiled. On the other hand, I was in tears because I couldn't control my facial expression.

As they were in a fuss, I couldn't understand how the Duke treated me like gold or jade, or like I was going to fly when the wind blew.

Pr: She means that the Duke saw her to be a person that should be treated delicately since weak things (like paper) get caught easily on the wind.

"God blessed us, the weather is wonderful today."

"God blessed us, the weather is wonderful today."

The scent of flowers was applied to my body. Thanks to the maid's deft make-up and my figure in a smooth silk dress wrapped around my body were distinctly different from usual. One maid turned her head up for the last time.

"Luen, we're going to leave now."

"You're going to be busy all day today, so take a break."

"If you need anything, feel free to call us."

When the girls, who chatted and filled the empty air, went out, the room became quieter. Like my complicated inner self.

I could have made a fuss looking at myself in the mirror, but I got depressed thinking about the future.

Sfx : *knock 2×*

-I know it's an excuse, but I haven't been able to hold back my curiosity.

He came in like he was waiting for me to be left alone. When I said ‘come’ in a weak voice, the door opened. I wasn't willing to get close to a man I wish I had just watched from afar.

"I’m blessed by the most beautiful bride in the world."

Yes, today was my wedding day. I want to flee to save my life, and I'm also about to be dragged to the wedding hall by the Duke of Piar.

'Oh my life, what can I do?'

In addition, I am now in a situation where I can live for a few years. Just in case he leads a rebellion.

Flop

Something fell off with a small noise. When I turned my head looking out of the window, there was a bouquet of flowers that were white at his feet. I rolled my eyes and walked to the Duke. It was a hideous white color.

"It's the same as usual, but you're even more beautiful today. It was because of you that the daffodils in the garden bowed their heads."

It was dazzling to wear a tailcoat with dizzyingly long, well-drawn legs. As the smile fell on his normally blunt impression, it became as soft as cotton candy that would melt when touched. Looking at the groom who is more handsome than anyone else in the world, I recalled the moment when he asked to marry me.

What the hell happened then.

**********

"You don't have to call the doctors to check....."

I trembled and managed to bring it up. There might still be a chance to escape. Even if it was not a hundred percent, I wanted to see if there was a little possibility.

Even now, I tried to call a doctor to prove that I was a false pregnancy. His attitude was unusual, I need to be kicked out of the dukes faster.

"Hmm? What are you talking about?"

Just as I was out of the Duke's arms, his sweet voice came as if honey were dripping.

"Confirmation. I don't give you that much faith."

"No, I didn't mean it"

"I can't doubt the fruits of our love, my Luen."

It was frustrating for me to see such a cold-headed, calculating man who made a name for himself like a clumsy insipid.

"There's no way you're lying to me."

Seeing him smiling with a harmless face with the theme of the dark duke made my stomach ache. Why would the bad guy feel guilty about me?

He leads the soldiers to the palace without hesitation and faces Yeoju.

-Don't do this. What's wrong with you all of a sudden?

-I'll take you.....

In the end, he wishes for the queen's happiness and chooses to give up on herself. She can't even tell him how she felt. The Duke was captured alive as it was.

'I'm sorry but I want to live.'

I had to stay away from the duke to do that. If I'll Stay with the duke, I'll die with him.

While I was mesmerized for a moment and got my act together, he began to make a formidable statement.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I was going to tell you after a little more preparation."

After letting me go, the Duke stepped back a few steps and seriously looked up at one knee.

Don't tell me.....?

"Luen."

His eyes were somehow moist. It was somehow strange to see water added to the face that exuded sexiness.

But I can't. No! No matter how handsome you are, this isn't right.

"I've been dreaming of this moment since the day I first saw you."

The Duke took a small box out of his arms, perhaps carrying it all the time to carry it. Inside the softly opened box, was a brilliant shining ring.

My heart sank. That sparkle is never for me.

Why are you here if it's me? What are they thinking about doing this to me, not the original Yeoju?

I wondered if the ridiculous situation would continue.

"Luen."

As close as I stepped back, the Duke came. And as soon as my name came out between his lips, all thoughts disappeared. I couldn't even wriggle as if my limbs were tied to what I couldn't see.

I felt strange for some reason. His eyes were so sweet that I felt possessed. I had to get my act together, but I was constantly persuaded by what he said.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you please accept my proposal?"

He held out the ring to me. I saw it closely and it was a ring that I knew. A large diamond shone even more through delicate work. In the original novel, the ring was prepared by the Duke of Piar to present with a desperate confession to Yeoju.

"Ha, haha"

I mean, smiling with a weird face.

There was nothing I could do. Every minute and second went too slowly and the confrontation continued.

'Shall I die now, or live a little longer?'

That is the problem.

I tried my best, but there was no answer. I was brought to this world without knowing the subject, so I thought I would adjust to it, but I can't walk on the flowery path, but I can't believe it's a Death Flag. I felt sorry for my situation, so I shed tears without realizing it.

"Luen."

The Duke came darting up and watched me. The maids say it's necrophilia.

I don't know why you keep hugging me when you give me away.

"Are you that thrilled? Don't shed tears."

"........."

"When you cry, I want to cry even more. So smile."

Soon, an eerie word and a ring were pushed in front of me at the same time. I tried to ignore it, but the pressure was getting stronger little by little. Somehow, it felt like a prey standing in front of a snake flicking its tongue just before it hit its prey.

'Let's move on from this moment on.'

Reluctantly, I reached out slowly and accepted the ring. The Duke quickly faced me in a gentle manner. He grinned as hard as he could, saying I was more beautiful than flowers.

'Things finer than flowers are peacocks.'

The game was over because he was caught up in it.

********

"Father, Shall we start?"

I didn't expect the Duke of Piar to make a sick face. He blinked slowly, perhaps because he felt my stare.

"It's something I've been dreaming about. Please excuse me."

Now there was no energy to refute or think what the hell was wrong with him. I gently placed my hand on the Duke's arm. We'll head to the ceremony. If you hold a ceremony in front of many people, you won't be able to skip it. But it wasn't without a way.

I tried to sigh, but suddenly I felt so quiet that I couldn't even hear the sound of breathing. As I looked up, the Duke of Piar's expression was unusual.

'Did you notice the idea of getting divorced and running away?'

I read other people's thoughts so well that I thought I might be a mind reader, I quickly noticed. His hands flinched to come up suddenly and closed his eyes.

".... My bride"

There was a strangely hot heat in his voice. Likewise, the heat from his hand to me. I was standing breathless because of the sudden act of sweeping my hair behind my ears.

"Wha, what."

A long, straight finger touched my ear. His fingertips kept hovering around my ears and it tickled. I couldn't help but open my body slightly and heard a small laugh above my head. It was clearly a different breath from a while ago.

My heart went up and thumped. What if this tension reaches him? I almost drooled and fell over.

"Are you nervous?"

Without hesitation, he came in nodding his head again. My nose was on his chest, which filled my vision. I also wanted to feel his trembling. He took a breath as I clung to him.

Having been holding me for a long time, he kissed me on the top of the head and said.

"Thank you so much for coming to me. I want to raise our children better than anyone else."

Oh, that's not it! But the protest only lingered in me.

Compelled again to look at my stomach, I picked up a word and spat it out.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

"Even heaven rejoices in our union. Shall we go now?"

I was relieved by the duke who accepted my words without much doubt. I put my hand on his arm again.

"Ah!"

He grabbed my careless hand.

"It's against etiquette, but I want to go hand in hand. Will you allow me?"

His hand, one bigger than mine, wraps around mine. The end of my glove didn't come out in the air as if it wasn't to be seen in the world. My heart trembled strangely.

"Yes, it's okay."

I followed him with heavy steps to keep pace. It was also a sign that my relationship with him began in earnest.

*********

"The virtues of the couple cannot be overemphasized......"

Does everyone talk longer when they stand there? A yawn threatened to come out during the sagging officiant's speech, but I held it in. The high heels made my ankle sore and my head felt heavy because of the jeweled veil, but I couldn't show.

"I, Christian Noah, have a good day ahead of me. Lu........"

The person who keeps saying the same thing in front of me is the emperor, the lord of the original work and the ruler of the empire. The position is the end goal of the duke’s rebellion.

'That's the way it works!'

Suddenly, I rolled my eyes hard at the brilliant idea. It was a novel and ingenious idea, I think, as if lightning had flared up.

In the original book, Yeoju was a maid of the Imperial Palace. A princess of the fallen Kingdom of Lauren, she sneaked into the palace for revenge. And soon she got acquainted with the Duke of Piar.

Watching her but also wanting to protect her, somehow, the Duke fell in love with her. Eventually, Yeoju falls in love with the emperor.

'Yeoju must be somewhere.'

At this point, Yeoju would be trying to approach the emperor with a sword for revenge. Of course, he would have come here to officiate with Emperor Napsin.

A little earlier than the original, Yeoju. I had to let her meet the Duke of Piar.

'Then he'll fall in love on his own. That's the flow of the original.'

I was planning to live as a duchess and cheer for the love of the duke and the female lead. After that, it was pleasant to think of the day when I left after finishing my false marriage. It became more refreshing as the emperor's officiant seemed to be coming to an end.

"Lastly, let me ask you if there is anyone who opposes the marriage of these two people God has allowed."

Even I, the person involved, don't approve of marriage, but who allowed it?

'I'm against this marriage.'

I was sarcastic inside.

"I'm against this marriage!"

A roaring voice rang out.

[hairphones]

Why Libra is my favorite FE character

(if anyone knows the artist here it’d be appreciated to mention it)

Fire Emblem has plenty of characters people give a shit about. Most of the time it’s going to the lords or any of the really popular “waifu” characters, but in recent time I’ve found people who love all kinds of people in the franchise. The best thing about FE’s characters is there’s bound to be at least 1 person in here that you’ll consider cool. Despite there a lot of reoccurring archetypes I’m willing to say FE is still able to make something that feels unique in each game, even if not necessarily good. Anyways, for me one character who’s stuck out is of course the guy in the title, Libra. I’m always kind of weirded out this guy isn’t anymore popular than he actually is. Awakening is one of the most successful games that had a cast full of characters that ended up being way too popular for their own good. And yet, Libra is one of the few Awakening characters that doesn’t exactly get to enjoy the limelight like the other part of the cast back then. With that being said though I’ve found him to be one of the most interesting in the game and as you can read in the title he’s just flat out my favorite. I guess the best way for me to start is him as a unit.

Libra comes in as one of the more unique classes in the series, war monk. As a prepromote most people probably skipped over what’s given to you here despite what honestly is a pretty solid no investment unit. I say this from his C staff rank and his fairly balanced stats that lets him handle himself quite well for the first few battles he can fight in. Of course I gotta be realistic, Libra is no way a character who’s going to stay good at defending himself. Awakening’s real emphasis of making your units snowball means that ignoring to train Libra will only really leave him as nothing more than a staffbot, and even with training a glaring flaw is that Libra is too balanced for his own good to really specialize in anything unlike the other units. Another flaw comes from his rather limited class pool that leads to Sage and Dark Knight taking up spots in multiple class trees. This does give him access to helpful skills such as vengence or lifetaker, but unless you plan to grind only Libra I wouldn’t call it optimized to constantly reclass and train him. I’m in no way a hardcore FE fan that takes into account how units play in the challenge runs such as LTCs/Ironmans/Low recruitment, but I think it’s safe to assume that Libra’s overall performance will come in as primarily a support unit. But of course, judging him on his numbers isn’t my focus here.

I want to start off talking about Libra’s character with what you can already see from his design. It’s no surprise that most fans make the connection to Libra and other designs such as Lucius from FE7, another favorite of mine. In-game there’s a gag involving him looking female to other characters. However while his face is feminine, he’s actually rather tall and with a masculine frame. As one of the tamer Awakening designs I actually quite like his outfit as it perfectly fits with war monk ( I know crazy). Though you can chalk that up to being biased.

Hell on first appearances you’re most likely ready to assume this character is going to be a born again christian character with the only joke being he’s actually a male judging from the recruit conversation. The fact Awakening has it’s share of running jokes among party members definitely could lead to you assuming there’s nothing interesting about this guy. Yet, shouldn’t the fact he wields a weapon (as opposed to the usual magic tomes these sort of characters use) surprise you? and an axe at that? Lemme emphasis that, why an axe?

Sure FE has this tradition of the 3 main weapon types, but has it ever been used to add character? Not exactly, but it has been part of character archetypes for quite a while.

Think about what kind of character uses swords: The lords, the brave mercenary leader, the heroes, the flashy edgelords that become swordmasters. Swords almost always play a role as the legendary weapon made to save the day in FE games (as well as any jrpg). The sword will always be a symbol of courage in just about any video game.

(this screencap is low quality to stay consistent with the speaker)

How about lances: As far as FE goes the lance is primarily the weapon held by the jaigen archetype and the main weapon for the more chivalrous units such as cavaliers, knights, and soldiers. The kind of characters associated with these are often the diligent or experienced members of the army. You also have the usual flying trio of characters that range from happy go lucky to those that take the situation seriously.

Now what about axes? These weapons are more often than not held by the lower class characters. Hired fighters, bandits, pirates. These characters aren’t ever bad, but they’re not exactly fighting out of heroism or for their nation. In fact these characters are the most down to earth in the grand scheme of an army full of anime characters. Maybe not sooo much in Awakening’s case with Vaike, but every single one of these weapon types have their exceptions. Also wanna mention that one of the most (in)famous weapons in the series is called the fucking Devil Axe.

Going back to Libra, why would a character like him hold onto an axe when it’s pretty apparent he’s more of a gentle character? Why the weapon type that’s the most violent looking of the triangle? Obvious reason is purely gameplay reasons involving the odd design the war monk class is, but looking at it from a literary perspective only makes it look off (especially with the female clerics). This is also something to wonder if you take into consideration his C ranking, implying he’s at least somewhat experienced. Not to mention his high stats for that point in the game.

For better or worse this kind of mystery isn’t exactly answered in the base game of Awakening. However there’s some interesting conversations that’s found in the Summer Scramble DLC that gives an idea. Specifically the one with Lon’qu.

Lon’qu catching onto the dissonance of Libra’s appearance to his skill. The first conversation is only Libra claiming there’s no reasoning behind any of it. however the second conversation has Libra open up to talk about himself more.

As you see there’s no explicit answer to what kind of “darkness” Libra has ever committed before the events of FE:A, but given Lon’qu is the one to take notice of Libra’s supposed bloodlust the implication isn’t going to be anything peaceful. In fact, it’s that violent nature that gets questioned in another conversation in this same DLC.

Again, this conversation feels more important to take note of given what character is talking to Libra. In this case it’s the hyperviolent character who takes comfort in bloodshed (at least in the western release, perhaps Henry is different in Japan?). Either way, this conversation goes hand and hand with the Lon’qu one in a pretty easily. That is to conclude that Libra himself has had a pretty rough past filled with who knows what, and that past version of himself was most likely not justifying any murders as if justification was even something to consider. The Libra you meet in-game is of course still capable of killing, but it’s extremely obvious he has a concept of remorse.

There’s no reason given anywhere as to what changes this man to become the benevolent priest. Though really I think it’s better that Libra keeps it consistent with revealing almost none of the causes in his life and instead only showing the effects. Filling in the blank is not a new thing for FE characters, in fact fans of older games in the franchise seem to really enjoy that aspect quite a lot.

Still, even the current Libra understands himself to not be a person devoid of guilt or sin. A few supports touch upon this aspect such as the one with Sully.

Libra’s doubt that he’s anywhere close to being considered a good man in the fact of the gods adds something that I absolutely love: having skepticism to one’s own morality. There’s something important to follow up this with how Libra views morality in battles in one of the supports with Gaius.

Even as a supposed man of faith he refuses to deny that living a fight against the different nations in Awakening is just a matter of being on the side that’s doing more killing. Take away all the politics of any war and you’ll find people who are simply fighting for the right to keep on living. It’s what considered “just human”. I also find this conversation to be a little more profound given that is the same franchise where one of the biggest features is permadeath. These characters put their faith in their gods to escape death another day while the average player is the one avoiding death altogether.

Finally, a support with Tharja concludes mostly everything learned so far. Where she explores Libra’s memories only to find there was no peaceful childhood.

A newfound devotion to a religion isn’t treated as a fix to a life full of cruelty. To be a good person to many doesn’t absolve you of the terrible things you’ve done to others.. I’m sure this kind of topic has been explored in FE games before or after and in countless other video games/movies/books/pieces of media as well, taking away the religion part of course. Nonetheless the introduction to this kind of thinking to a 13 year old version of me had me really second guessing back then, and it still comes up to me from time to time. Sure I’ve done what’s considered “good” but will it ever outweigh any terrible things I’ve also done? Even today I can’t pretend I have an answer to that, and that’s just only thinking of what I’ve gone through personally.

To wrap it up though, there’s his ending card.

For such a simple ending it really brings out the fanboy in me. The entire game is filled with Libra having his doubts of being a good person according to himself and to the gods he worships. To end his story with him being believed to be a reincarnation of Naga due to his reformed nature just feels so sweet to me.

As much as I wish more characters could have a similar air to them in newer games, I get it’s just not really everyone’s preference. Fire Emblem is always going to be a series of good guys vs bad guys also dragons and with that comes making new characters for fans to get attached to. Still though, I really appreciate the attempt done with Libra. Once again the best thing about this franchise is everybody can find at least 1 character they love, they don’t even need to be playable.

I understand not everyone is going to grind supports to see everything a character has to say (especially not in newer FE games), but as you can see nearly all the nuance of this character was hidden away in dialogue. In a game full of joke characters and tropes, it is refreshing to see a character who acknowledges their own flaws and isn’t played for laughs. I didn’t write all of this to try to convince anyone in some clickbait manner like “THE DEEPEST FE CHARACTER INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS HID FROM YOU” or anything. Nah, I’m sure I sound like I’ve repeated myself many times here. But all of this was to attempt to put into words why I’ll stay with my opinion that Libra is my favorite FE character for being a reformed character done right. And for the fact that uncovering the secrets of this guy affected me personally all the way back from when I was a lot younger. And honestly a large part of it really stems from how Libra is in no way a major character, yet he clearly had a lot of thought put into him.

For anyone that bothered to read all of this I wanna thank you. Whether you liked it or not is up to you, no hard feelings. I know all this is the definition of “reading too much into it”, but I consider speculation on writing to be fun. Anyways hope I didn’t take too much of your time and have a nice day