#like that's for sure a theme in the book (though it's more complicated than just that i think?)

[eldritch-elrics]

so i keep thinking about that terrible frankenstein take which is like "victor frankenstein's real problem was that he tried to create life without involving a woman!" and how it sucks because it equates women & pregnancy AND because it ignores all the other factors that led to the "failure" of the experiment (societal prejudice at large, lack of support for either victor or his creation, etc). but there's also all sorts of queer/genderbendy twists you can put on that:

victor (gay and/or ace), trying to create life outside the bounds of heterosexual marriage and family dynamics (which he's pretty much being forced into in the book!)

victor (cis female or transmasc), trying to get away from the methods of reproduction imposed on/expected of people with uteri

victor (transmasc) making an ideal cis male body for himself to live vicariously through

victor (transfem) trying to prove that you don't need a uterus/etc to create life

...and all of those things would lead to massively different dynamics with the creature, of course!

it just feels like there's so much weird transgender potential. not to mention the nature of the creature of a created being, which you could use either as a metaphor for "child forced into a certain (gendered) image created by their parents" OR "the medically-transitioned transgender body is an 'artificial' one that is demonized by society"

[meticulousfragments]

I don’t know if anyone else who follows me has both read the book and seen the movie Poor Things

But I read it this week and watched the movie last night and I feel like I need to talk about it with someone because it’s still rattling around in my head

[hgfictionwriter]

Discovery

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie hides a personal secret while navigating a new relationship. Her past experiences with rejection bring about complications and concern, but her burgeoning relationship with you offers a chance for connection.

Warnings: G!P content. Body image issues or even dysphoria; mental and emotional anxiety; internal conflicts; themes of self-acceptance; mention of past rejections.

A/N: This is some heavier stuff. Heavy on the angst, but, I promise comfort and a happy ending. Based on this request (thank you the prompt!!).

A/N x2: This is separate from the Control series. While in the Control series, G!Ps are totally normal or accepted, in this 'universe', G!Ps are not commonplace.

"Tell me a secret."

A cold rush of panic went through Jessie at your question. Had you heard something? Did you notice something? Her heart raced and she felt herself growing numb at the prospect.

"Huh?" Was all she could manage. Thankfully, you laughed.

"Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Oh," she said as she relaxed somewhat.

For a second, she thought you knew about her secret. About her. She'd always felt different, and as she grew up, she discovered why she felt that way.

In changerooms in early gym classes and sports, she learned quickly how she was different from many other girls. While most had a vagina, labia, clit - the usual - she had a cock instead. It wasn't entirely rare, but it wasn't the norm - that's for sure.

Those close to her knew and of course her teammates knew - it was impossible for them not to know - and thankfully as time went on, her…condition…became more and more accepted. Still, she didn't advertise it. It drew unnecessary attention and she didn't want it to be the focus of any burgeoning friendship, or in this case, relationship.

Dating was hard. Not only was she shy and a bit awkward to begin with, but this aspect of her was something she never quite learned how to navigate outside of the sporting world. When should she bring it up? How much should it matter?

It had mattered to other girls. The first girl she liked, really liked, had called her a freak and that had been the end of that. To this day, if she sat with it long enough, faint shadows of the shame and rejection she’d felt at the time hovered in the back of her mind.

In university, she learned the hard way that some girls just wanted to experiment and she was just an object in that experiment. So though they’d met her secret with bright-eyed curiosity and enthusiasm, when they stopped returning her texts and calls, she realized what it all really was.

It hurt. It was complicated. Delicate. And it weighed on her more than she’d like to admit.

So now, she didn't date much. She only wanted to pursue something if it really, really felt right.

Like it did with you.

You'd started as friends, but in time it evolved into more. It would’ve happened far sooner if Jessie hadn’t been so in her head about it.

You'd been on a couple of dates together, but despite your friendship leading into this, as far as she knew, you didn't know this fact about her.

In general, Jessie had worked really hard to be proud of herself and fully embrace this aspect of herself, but in scenarios like this - in this context - that old insecurity crept back in whether it was logical or not.

"I, um." Jessie bought time as she wracked her brain for a secret other than the one between her legs. "I've never seen an episode of Friends."

"Wow," you said slowly, dragging the word out as you rest your chin in your open palm. "We're getting really deep now," you said facetiously with a chuckle. "Come on," you said encouragingly, "something else."

"I-I don't know," Jessie said, feeling her face heating up tremendously. You rolled your eyes, but affectionately so.

"Don't tell me you're an open book, because you're the furthest thing from it," you said.

A wave of guilt went through her. She wasn't trying to be cagey - especially with you, but that's just how it was now. Unless if you were her teammate and she was forced to be 100% open with you, she wasn't.

Janine had warned her about this. She'd made fun of her for her crush on you, but also cautioned about not waiting too long to tell you that she may not be exactly what she presented as. She knew her friend was right; that if you weren't going to accept her, better to break things off now than get more invested and open herself up to more hurt.

“Well,” Jessie replied slowly as she sat back in the booth across the table from you. She took a sip of her nearly empty drink. “What would you like to know?”

You crossed her arms and gave her a chiding look, but smiled nonetheless.

“Remember. You asked me,” you warned, before growing serious. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, I am curious.”

You shuffled a bit in your seat, your nerves setting in a bit, gaze diverted. Jessie waited patiently despite her own nerves and you finally looked back up.

“I feel like this is an offensive question, but I really am kind of baffled,” you went on. “Not sure how else to say this, but, why are you single?”

A frown slowly settled on Jessie’s face and you went on hurriedly.

“I just mean, you’re sweet, you’re smart, funny, and, you know, gorgeous. You’re the whole package, and yet,” you slowed, gaze shifting away again, “you’re single. And everything I heard is that you’ve barely dated. I just find it…surprising.”

Before it was even her turn to speak, Jessie could feel her face heating up. She scratched at the back of her neck as she conjured up a response.

“Um. I’m picky? I guess,” she said with a faint laugh. “And I’m single? I thought we…,” she trailed off. Her face began to radiate as you narrowed your eyes at her.

“Are you saying you want me to be your girlfriend?” You asked, a smile in your voice and the faintest hint of it on your lips.

“I-I thought I asked,” Jessie replied, her voice nearly a mumble as she sunk slightly into her seat.

“You asked me on dates,” you teased, leaning forward. “Not to be your girlfriend. There’s a difference.” You smiled warmly at Jessie who rubbed the side of her face in embarrassment. “And you are so adorable. So if you’re asking - yes, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

She looked up at you. And you gave her an apologetic look.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased. I wish we weren’t at a restaurant right now. I’d come over there and kiss you right now.”

Jessie grumbled slightly, but couldn’t help but offer you a small smile. “Rain check?”

“Of course,” you said as you sat back. “Now. You didn’t really finish answering my earlier question.”

Whatever amount her heart had relaxed in the past few moments, it picked right back up again.

“I just…I don’t see the point in dating if it’s not serious. I don’t have a lot of free time, so if I’m going to dedicate that time to someone, I want it to mean something.”

That wasn’t a lie.

“Well, I consider myself very lucky,” you relayed with a sweet smile. “And that also explains why it took you so long to ask me out.”

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Am I ever going to live that down?”

“As soon as I find something else to tease you for - sure,” you replied cheekily.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jessie dismissed with a lingering blush.

You nodded at her empty plate and glass. “Wanna go?”

You’d been at the restaurant for a few hours already, the server giving you dark stares as they waited to turn over the table. Jessie sighed inwardly. You’d have to leave at some point.

She held out her arm. “After you.”

The drive back to your place was light and fun, but despite that, she couldn’t help but be preoccupied by what to do next. Before she knew it, she was pulling up in front of your building. She put the car in park.

“Um, it’s not that late. Do you want to come up?” You asked. “You can just park in Visitor.”

Jessie hated this.

“Oh, I have an early practice tomorrow, so I should probably get going. I’ll walk you to your door though.” She finished eagerly, getting out of the car before you could reject her offer.

She wanted to come up. Even if only to spend more time with you. She always did when you were friends. You’d talk late into the night until she forced herself to leave. Now that you were dating, she hadn’t come up once. The new context made everything so much more complicated.

She knew she could only put things on hold for so long until things would implode. She’d deal with it in due time. Until then, she supposed she’d be a coward.

You both stopped and turned to face one another as you reached your front door. You clasped your hands in front of you, rocking onto the balls of your feet before settling back again.

“Sure you don’t want to come up?”

“Yeah, I want to, but I just can’t tonight. Thank you though,” Jessie said as emphatically as she could. She hoped how much she liked you was really what shon through.

“Mmmkay,” you said dryly with a faint smirk as you wrapped your arms around her. Jessie’s worries melted away as she was pulled into your embrace. She tucked her chin into the crook of your neck and squeezed you tight.

When you pulled back you gave her another teasing look. “Guess this is what I get for having an elite athlete as a girlfriend.” Jessie laughed.

“Thanks for being patient.”

“Of course,” you said. A beat passed as you rose up on your toes again briefly. “Well. Goodnight, then. Drive safe, okay? Text me when you’re home.”

“Will do,” Jessie said. She paused before giving you a nervous smile. “I had a good time tonight. And, I, um, I like being called your girlfriend.”

“Yeah?” You said, a hint of flirtation in your tone as you cocked your head at her.

“Mmhmm,” she nodded.

“Good to know,” you said softly before you lifted a hand to her cheek and kissed her gently.

Just as the couple of times before, Jessie felt her knees go weak at the contact. She wrapped her arms loosely around your waist and you kissed her again.

The kisses between you two had been chaste thus far. And perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was still caught off guard when this time you deepened the kiss. You wrapped your arms around the back of her neck and leaned into her, all the while kissing her with greater fervour.

Jessie went from feeling weak in the knees to feeling something entirely different. That tightening sensation started between her legs and she pulled back urgently on instinct.

As soon as she did it she felt panic and guilt rush through her, the look she spotted on your face right away adding to her guilt ten fold.

“Sorry. I, um,” one hand went to the back of her head and the other strategically in front of her though nothing should’ve been overly visible just yet and in this lighting. Her gaze was set on the cold concrete before finding the resolve to look at you once more, “I just have had a tickle in my throat all night. If I’m getting sick, I don’t want to give it to you.”

She felt confident that her voice was steady and it was actually a decent excuse. But she felt like a piece of shit regardless.

“Oh. Okay,” you said, your fingers - subconsciously or not - grazing your lips before you clasped your hands in front of you again. “Thanks. That’s sweet. But for the record, I don’t mind.”

“I’d hate to get you sick,” Jessie reiterated. “But. Noted.” She sighed inaudibly and forced a smile. “Good night. Sweet dreams. I’ll text you when I’m home, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks for tonight,” you told her. If you were still offended or hurt, you were hiding it well. Jessie leaned in for a quick peck on your cheek.

“Night, babe.”

When Jessie got home she was still in a foul mood. Worse, in fact. She got changed and laid in bed staring up at the darkened ceiling as her mind swirled with thoughts.

It was a matter of moments before her eyes began to sting with tears. It had been a long time since she’d felt this resentful about her body. If it wasn’t for this physical aspect, things would be so much simpler.

Now, instead of being giddy and joyful. She - officially - had a girlfriend. An incredible girlfriend. One she really, truly could see a future with. If she could be honest. And if you accepted her.

Instead of enjoying this moment, she was scared, and anxious, and angry. She liked you so much. She could feel herself falling for you already. But it was all so precarious.

What if she was wrong about you? What if this discovery would reveal that you were secretly close minded? What if it just wasn’t something you wanted or found attractive. What if…what if…the questions kept coming.

But none of that mattered. If you didn’t know this about her, know who she truly was, you could never truly love her. Through no fault of your own, you’d be loving a portion of her or worse, a mask. Until Jessie was fully honest with you, your connection could never be entirely authentic or complete.

She wiped angrily at the tears that fell down the sides of her cheeks. She felt like she was losing something before it had the chance to flourish or evolve.

It wasn’t fair. This is why she didn’t date. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. When it was just her, things were fine. She had her friends, her team, her family. She shouldn’t need more.

But she needed you. Wanted you. She’d tried to block out her feelings for you, but you found your way past her intricately built walls anyway. And now here she was.

Her phone buzzed, interrupting her downward spiral. She looked and a such a bittersweet feeling filled her chest when she saw your name. She sniffled as she unlocked her phone. You’d shared a post with a message.

“I saw this post and thought of you. Thank you again for tonight. I had a good time. Text me in the morning. And for the 20th time, I don’t care if it’s before I’m up. It won’t wake me up and besides, I like waking up to texts from you. I miss you already xoxo”

She smiled. This was complicated. And it was messy. But for you, she was going to figure it out.

A/N: So, this is something I didn't want to try and wrap up in a pretty bow within one part. I think there's a lot to explore here, so I'm picturing a short series. Like less than 4 chapters probably?? Let me know in the comments/asks what your thoughts are.

[adelheidvonschicksal]

Megumi falling in love for the first time?

Attempts at Friendship are Unappreciated

Synopsis: Megumi doesn’t have a need for friends, let alone a lover. But upon getting his first crush, he learns some new things about himself, like maybe he cares more than he thinks.

pairing: Megumi Fushiguro x GN!Reader

content warning: SFW, potential friends to lovers, Megumi sorting out his feelings sort of stuff because cynical, overthinker Megumi is my favorite Megumi.

If you were to ask Megumi, he didn’t have any need for friends. And he has been asked before by people like Gojo and his sister. The answer was always the same. He prefers being alone. People were too complicated. Too selfish. Too good. Too everything, really. And he was, well, himself.

Even after arriving at Jujutsu High, it’s still unnerving to him to have someone talk to him so earnestly, like his eyes weren’t permanently fixed with irritation, like he wasn’t constantly avoiding others, like he didn’t wear indifference like a new fur coat in the height of winter.

Itadori was an unexpected exception. An outburst of emotion intravenously linked him to the other boy, the golden strings of their destinies twined and knotted together on Fate’s spinning wheel.

You, on the other hand, have no reason to befriend him. He’s never had anything to offer others in return for their company, which never bothered him until he met you.

Megumi questioned what it was about you that allows you to get so close. So, he lets you talk, chattering his ear off in the covered walkway hosting the vending machines.

He studies you inch by inch, searching for something in the bright expression on your face and the crinkle of your eyes when you smile; he still doesn’t know exactly what he’s looking for. Your motive – the reason for wanting to talk to someone like him?

“What’s your favorite color?” you ask.

“I don’t have one.”

It may sound like a rude dismissal of your question but it's the truth, the painfully boring truth. He’s never put much thought into trivial things like that. The fact settles heavily in his stomach and rings hollow in his chest like when his sister said he’d never learn to make friends if he didn’t put himself out there.

Back then, Megumi pretended not to have heard her. In truth, it bothered him when she said it, only for the feeling to quickly fade away before he even left school that day. That strange void he felt back then always seems to resurface at the worst of times.

“Would you say that you like black or silver better? How about blue?”

Megumi looks down and plays with the tab on his orange juice can, avoiding the thing about you that makes him want to hear you talk. Megumi has no need for friends. Attempts at friendship aren’t appreciated.

“They’re all fine,” he grumbles out. It’s the maximum he allows.

Megumi doesn’t have a type. It’s another one of those trivial things he’s never bothered to think about until his head was literally cracked through the pavement.

He knows all about types though, and he knows as much as he cares about romance from the bad to the good. Sweaty palms, blushing faces, pounding hearts were all reoccuring themes in his books.

Megumi never thought he’d have romantic feelings for anyone, no matter how fleeting. He reckons he isn’t capable of it. He just isn’t wired that way.

It’s comforting in a sense. It means he didn’t have to worry about attachments. Sure, he loves his sister, and Gojo, well, he cares for his benefactor, but he’s never considered the older man someone he felt okay investing all his feelings into. People his own age were complicated enough; adults were worse, his father was worse; the little he remembers anyway.

When he thinks about the way he met Gojo who too conveniently saved him from the Zen’in clan in exchange for becoming his student, it’s hard for him to let his trust flow purely even after all this time; even when Gojo took it upon himself to do Megumi favors like putting Itadori's room right next door (another thing Megumi didn't appreciate).

Megumi blames his long-seated resentment for the reason his heart starts to work overtime the day you present friendship bracelets to everyone. They’re fancy; many steps above the cheap kind that you’d find at some discount convenience store with plastic alphabets and random beads and symbols. He assumes a couple of the pieces might be real.

Kugisaki’s is green, shining on her wrist like emeralds. Megumi thinks it suits someone like Kugisaki, who would undoubtedly love to be covered in jewels. Itadori has a similar one, rotating with a pattern of red and opaque white pieces.

Standing in that hall, drowning out the conversation between Kugisaki and Itadori about who has the prettier bracelet, Megumi realizes he’s next.

It starts when you step in front of him; there’s a cautious tone to your voice when you say his name because you already know: attempts at friendship aren’t appreciated.

It's with a roll of anxiousness, the one that always comes with the mystery of whether his exchange with someone will be positive or negative and the skeptic thought in his head that reminds him most people always want something in return, that makes him throw up a wall.

“These probably aren’t your thing but I made one for you too,” you preface. “I hope you like it. I wasn’t really sure what to put on it so I made some guesses.”

You’re right. Friendship bracelets aren’t his thing; needing a token like a bracelet to prove your relationship to someone is asinine. It’s against what is supposed to make a friendship special. Strong friendships should need no words, right?

Most importantly, he doesn’t need it, and there’s no reason for you to give him one.

“You keep it,” he starts. However, it’s already too late as you grab his arm and slide the trinket over his hand.

“I don’t—” he starts again; there’s a bit of surprise in the way you look at him, the way everyone stops and looks at him actually. This quickly becomes one of those times where it’d be easier to go with the flow than to fight the current. “Fine.” He clears his throat. “Only because you already made it,” he explains more fully, stifling the embarrassment that wants to bubble from his chest with so much attention.

Like before, he finds himself too focused on watching you, the way your eyes soften from surprise and rejection to shining stars. He thinks this must be how the protagonists in those books feel when heat creeps up their neck. Those books also left him sorely unprepared that it would go past neck to his face and ears.

He breaks away from the situation, finding a way to retreat into the background to shield himself from the gooey feeling permeating the air. He drops his gaze to his arm, focusing on the bracelet with his name accompanied by a repetition of blue and silver, connecting the two—four—of you together.

Megumi fixes his sleeve over the bracelet, but he can’t hide how painfully aware he is of the charms rolling against his skin.

It was both a pleasant feeling and completely alien.

It broke.

Megumi was a bit reckless against a low-level curse, and it broke. He didn’t even realize it until after the battle was over and one of the silver charms were rolling under his foot.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal. It was bound to happen eventually considering this line of work. Yet, he still picked up the few pieces he could separate from the gravel, and the entire ride home his wrist feels unreasonably bare.

Thinking about how he messed up makes him annoyed at himself, especially when he wonders what you’d think if you noticed he wasn’t wearing it. You’d probably think he tossed it somewhere; that he didn’t like it. He liked it. The same way he likes to listen to you talk on car rides home after missions or when you ask him to hang out with you and the others or when you read all the books he recommends with the protagonists that are quickly becoming too relatable with every skipped heartbeat and tongue-tied word. He’s frustrated to acknowledge why that’s the case.

It’s only been three months since the start of the school year, he thinks. It took only three months for his thoughts to start drifting to his classmates, with you almost always center stage in them.

When he arrives back at the school, he finds your room and knocks on your door. He shows you what little remains of the gift you gave him, as if he needs to immediately absolve himself of any wrongdoing.

“Do you want me to make you another one?” you ask cautiously.

Megumi can guess why you’re hesitant considering he only accepted your gift because of peer pressure. He still believes gifts like this are silly and unnecessary.

But…

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

He wants it.

So, he goes into your room where he watches you begin the process of making him another bracelet. You ask him which accessories he would prefer, and like always he doesn’t have much preference other than what you think is best. As long as it isn’t too silly, of course.

He gives his undivided attention to how your fingertips pour over your work kit and the many square boxes filled with different miniature shapes before you carefully pick out one with a little dog face.

“I think this one is good,” you whisper to yourself before continuing your search for another complementing bead.

You smile as you work. It’s nice. Cute even as you bite down on your lip in concentration; and right now, he isn’t quite sure what to do with that information other than note the way it makes his palms feel clammy especially when he notices your eyes lift back up to his.

Megumi notices a lot about you actually. He notices how you always go out your way to get his, well, everyone’s opinion on everything. He notices that whenever you share your snacks with everyone that you always save ginger for him. He notices how your gaze lingers on him when you ask if everyone is in one piece after difficult missions. He also notices how your finger stops over a silver square, one with a little black heart carved in each side. He wonders, perhaps too hopefully, if the charm is just one you think he’d like or if it means more than that.

“Why do you always keep trying to talk to me?” he asks, fighting the urge to beg you to stop getting stuck in his mind so much.

Your head snaps up from what you’re doing.

“What do you mean? We’re teammates,” you answer simply.

“Aren’t missions enough? We don’t need to interact aside from that.”

You pinch your eyebrows at him, and there’s a frown on your face. “Sure we do.”

“There’s no reason.”

It’s not like he ever saved your life, not like Itadori. It’s not like he has a somewhat familial relationship with you, like Gojo. You’re not his sibling or his parent; he’s not the friendlist either so there’s no reason to try to get closer any more than necessary, and there’s no reason for him to be feeling so nervous right now.

“How about because I like talking to you? I think you’re pretty funny, and you’re a kind person.” You shake your head, laughing. “I don’t know. I just like being friends with you.”

Megumi doesn’t know what he was expecting. Some deep explanation why you keep trying to get close to him? Some selfish excuse from you that he could use to warrant pushing you away. A reason to justify why he likes you so much? A reason to hope you like him just as much?

Maybe.

There doesn’t need to be some special reason for you wanting to be his friend, which means he doesn’t really need a reason either.

“I see.”

“Finished,” you say, holding out his newly made bracelet to him. “I poured some of my cursed energy into it, so it won’t break so easily next time.”

Megumi feels calm once again when he feels the weight and roll of the beads on his skin again; the aura of your curse energy humming through it makes the connection back to you much more noticeable.

“What about me?” you ask, drawing his attention. “Do you like being friends with me?”

Megumi can’t answer that, not because he doesn’t have an answer, but because he feels like his tongue weighs more than lead as you lean closer into him.

His eyes find your lips, soft and parted. This is the first time he’s gotten the urge to kiss someone. It makes his stomach whirlwind, and he quickly finds a way to answer you without having to look at you as he picks at one of the charms.

“Can I make you one?”

The next morning, Megumi decides to go out with you and the others for breakfast, which in hindsight was a mistake as Itadori points out the new accesory you’re wearing on your wrist.

“Hey, you got one too now.”

You smile, holding it up proudly. “Megumi made it for me!”

“Megumi?!” Itadori blurts out.

“Made it for you?” Nobara asks with raised eyebrows and a hand on her hip.

“He did a really good job.”

It’s like the time before when you first gave them their gifts, and everyone is looking at him again. “I didn’t do anything special; a monkey could do it,” he mumbles out.

Itadori is the first to crack a laugh followed by Kugisaki. Then, the two of them start muttering and teasing him in unison.

“He’s so modest,” Itadori points out.

“Loverboy,” Kugisaki whispers.

“Can we call you Megumi too?” Itadori asks.

Megumi doesn’t have the patience to consider whether the other boy is being genuine or not as he grits his teeth and growls out a quick “shut up” before konking Itadori on the head to prove his point. It’s enough to make them leave him alone for now as Itadori accidentally trips into Kugisaki from the force.

“That was completely unnecessary, Fushiguro,” Kugisaki grumbles as she pushes Itadori off and stands back to her feet.

Megumi sighs.

This is why he doesn’t want friends.

“Did you just sigh at me!”

“If that’s what you heard,” he tells her.

“You better sleep with both eyes open!”

“I’ll be sure to do that.”

Yet if it’s those two then he guesses having friends isn’t completely unbareable.

Suddenly, Megumi loses focus at the timbre of your laugh.

“You guys are starting early today.”

You’re still laughing at them, harder now actually, and it’s precious. He throws his gaze to the wall as if he’s ignoring Kugisaki and not trying to hide the heat blooming on his cheeks when you glance at him, making him aware that he’s the reason for your laughter.

Megumi shoves his hands in his pockets and rolls his thumb over the bracelet and the heart you left behind there.

Friendship is something he’s coming around to. Having a crush for the first time, well, he still needs work on figuring that out. 

[cevansbrat0007]

Hello, Duchess

Summary: Your first encounter with Bounty Hunter, Ari Levinson, goes worse than you ever could've imagined. Takes place directly after the events in New in Town.

Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Bickering, Implied Jealousy, Threats of Violence, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Special thanks to my creative consultant, @curls-and-eyeliner. Part my Sweet Renegade Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Ari’s P.O.V.

“Can’t believe this town actually has a real live bookstore.” Ari muses as he pulls up in front of the tiny, quaint-looking bookstore. “Fuckin’ wild.” Throwing his truck in park he takes a moment to survey the area, making note of the empty lot.

‘Must not do much business.’ He thinks before climbing out of his vehicle and confidently striding toward the door. Hopefully, the lack of an audience would make things flow a hell of a lot faster. Hell, if you were anything like some of the other women in this town, he’d probably just have to smile and flash his baby blues to convince you to spill your guts.

In fact, he was practically banking on it. Because this wasn’t Ari’s first rodeo – not by a long shot. He’d spent a lot of his life in and out of small towns like Bell’s Creek, which was part of the reason he couldn’t wait to bag his latest bounty and put this place, and its people, in his rearview mirror. Ari reaches for the handle on the door, only to frown when he gets a look at the sign hanging in the window that reads: “sorry, we’re closed”. 

Well, that couldn’t be right. 

He could’ve sworn that when he’d pressed Mrs. Turner, the First Lady of Calvary Baptist Church, about your whereabouts she’d said he’d be able to find you at your shop. Something about your preferring to work instead of resting and rejoicing on the Lord’s day. 

While the bounty hunter supposed he could always try back tomorrow, he was keen to check you off his list. Refusing to admit defeat, he decides to try his luck anyway, only to be surprised when the door opens with a tinkling chime of a bail. 

Confused but also now on high alert, Ari takes a tentative step inside as he looks for any sign of life. “Hello?” He calls out, finally allowing the door to swing shut behind him. Instinct has him reaching for his back pocket, checking to make sure he had brought along his firearm.

Just in case.

“Is anybody here?” He tries again, moving further into the shop. The place is clean and well lit, and boasts rack after rack of books. But what’s most impressive is that there doesn’t appear to be a speck of dust anywhere. “Look, I just came by to–”

“We’re closed!” A disembodied voice sounds from the back of the store. 

“Yeah, I saw the sign, ma’am…” He clears his throat. “But I think you forgot to lock the door, so I –”

“That means get out!”

“So much for southern hospitality.” Ari grumbles under his breath as he continues on his mission to track down the owner of the voice. “Ma’am, I just wanna talk. And maybe–ahh shit!” He curses when his hip accidentally connects with a half-full rolling cart, sending several of the heavier books crashing to the ground. “Sorry!” 

“Did you just break something?!” The voice suddenly screeches. “Don’t make me get my taser.”

“There’s no need for that.” Instead of picking them up, the bounty hunter hastily nudges them aside with his foot. “My name is Ari Levinson, and I’m just here to ask you a couple of questions.”

While this isn’t how the man had expected any of this to go, he’s relieved when he sees a familiar face peek at him from around the corner. A face that happened to be even more beautiful than he initially remembered. Even though it had only been a couple of hours since he’d seen you last. 

Damn! It was as if the image of you in that dress taking up space at the other end of the pew was now permanently imprinted into his brain. He'd have to tread lightly here.

Otherwise things could get complicated. Fast.

Your P.O.V

“Pretty sure this is what law enforcement calls trespassing.” You sniff, craning your head around the corner to stare at the man who was taking up entirely too much space in the narrow hallway. Sure said man was easy on the eyes, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a little concerned about his apparent inability to read. 

“I can assure you that’s not what this is.” The lawman holds up his palms in an effort to placate you. 

And although you try not to stare, it’s impossible to miss just how big they are – how rough they seemed – with just the right amount of callus. You can’t help but wonder what those hands would feel like on your bare flesh. 

“Then what is it?” You ask, struggling to keep your tone short and clipped as you emerge from your hiding place. The last thing you needed was to have this man thinking you were actually attracted to him. 

If anything, you considered yourself to be curious. No harm there, right? 

“As I said, my name is Ari Levinson. I’m a bounty hunter from just outside Rosewell, New Mexico who also occasionally moonlights as a private investigator.” He tells you, jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I just stopped by to ask you a couple of questions. And while I didn’t necessarily mean to intrude, I figured you might appreciate me taking a more delicate approach on account of your relationship with my person of interest.”

Fucking Martin Westbrook. He’d been the bane of your existence ever since you’d first crossed paths back in high school. 

“I know you’re looking for Martin.” Annoyed by the very nature of the conversation, you pick up a box, hefting it onto your hip so that you can carry it out to the sales floor. “But I’m not quite sure how much help I can be.”

You brush past him, inwardly smiling when he scrambles to get out of your way. It was a subtle reminder that this was your shop. And you absolutely refused to be intimidated by him or anyone else. 

“I’m sure whatever you have to say will be plenty helpful.” He’s quick to reassure you as he turns to follow the path you set. “Provided you’re honest, that is.”

“Did you really just waltz into my shop and call me a liar, Mr. Levinson?” 

“I meant no offense.” Ari coughs, scrubbing a weary hand over his bearded jaw. If you were the overly presumptuous type, you might think you’d just managed to fluster the poor man.

Now feeling extra prickly, you drop the box onto the far counter of your cashwrap before turning to face your unwelcome guest. “As you can see, I have a busy day’s work ahead of me. And I was really keen on doing it by myself.” You gesture at the array of other boxes and racks placed around the store. “So if we could get a move on, I would greatly appreciate it.”  

“Gladly.” He gives a brief look around. “Is there some place maybe where you and I can sit and chat?”

“I’d say here is about as good a place as any.” You tell him as you step behind the counter. Bending down, you snag a bottle of cleaner, along with a couple of rags. If this man insisted on being here, then he would just have to deal with you taking care of your business. “I’m pretty confident in my ability to multitask.”  

Nodding along, Ari pulls out a small notepad and pen from his back pocket. “When was the last time you saw Mr. Westbrook?”

You let out a sigh as you begin to spray down your countertops with your all-purpose cleaner. While you supposed you could’ve gone with something a little more industrial, you were partial to the way this particular brand’s products always smelled. 

“I don’t know.” You shrug as you bask in the scent of rose and cedar. “Maybe three, four weeks ago.” 

“Do you happen to recall the day and time?”

“No. Not really. If I had to ballpark it, I’d guess sometime around the 5th of last month.” You move to the next flat surface, spraying it down just like the last.

“You sure about that?” You try not to let it irk you when you see him take a seat on a nearby step stool out of the corner of your eye. 

“As much as I can be.” 

“And did Mr. Westbrook happen to give you any indication of where he might be headed?”

“Nope.”

He’d been nervous though. That much you did recall. By the time he’d come to you that night, your old friend had been well beyond spooked. 

“Did he give you his reason for leaving?”

“We didn’t…” You trail off, taking a moment to scrub at a particularly stubborn sticky spot that’s marring the wood. “There wasn’t really much time for talking.” You’re so concerned with scrubbing that you miss the way the county hunter’s eyes narrow as he studies you. “He just stopped over to say goodbye.”

And to borrow all the cash you happened to have on hand – to the tune of $500. Enough for a bus ticket and a couple nights in a dirt cheap motel.

“Right.” Ari scoffs, admittedly with a bit more heat than he intends. “Not a lot of time for talking.” He pauses briefly to drag a hand through his shaggy brown locks. “Not sure why I didn’t wanna believe them.” 

“Am I sensing a problem, Mr. Levinson?” You hum, tossing your rag to the side in favor of focusing on the rugs. 

“I guess I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he kept you in the dark about his plans.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “In my experience, most men like Martin tend to have loose lips around the women they’re fuckin’.”

In that moment, it’s almost as if you can feel the air go out of the room. Just who the fuck did this knuckle-dragging, mouth-breather think he was?

“Excuse me?” Those two little words are spoken through clenched teeth. You’re so taken aback by his brazen accusation that you can scarcely breathe, let alone think.    

Ari simply quirks a tawny brow at you, seemingly unaware of the danger he’s just placed himself in. Did he not see how close your hand was to that damned stapler? While it was clear that folks in this town had been running their mouths, they’d apparently neglected to mention that you’d also been the star pitcher for your high school softball team.   

“Apologies if I offended your delicate sensibilities, Duchess. But I’ve never been the type to beat around the bush. Besides…” The smug bastard tucks his pen behind his ear. “You have to know that people in this town like to talk.”

Fire simmers hot in your belly, as you come out from behind the register. It takes less than ten  seconds for you to bridge the distance between yourself and the cocky lawman. While you might’ve been taught never to raise a hand against anyone, this man was sorely testing every last bit of your patience.

“I want to make one thing very, very clear.” You hiss once you’re finally standing toe-to-toe with the handsome interloper who, of course, makes no room to get up himself. “I have never – not even once – slept with Martin Westbrook. He’s a friend, you backwoods jackass. Something you clearly know nothing about.” 

“I get the feeling I struck a nerve.” 

And, judging by the newfound tick in his jaw, so had you. Except you had no way of knowing it was because he’d lost a buddy of his own a little while back. 

“And I think it’s about time you got the hell out of my shop.” His piercing blue eyes fly to yours, letting you know that you’d managed to surprise him with your heated dismissal. 

Good. Because this Ari Levinson fella had officially overstayed his welcome.

“Look, Duchess. I apolo –”

“That’s the second time you’ve called me out of my name, Mr. Levinson. And I’m not sure I appreciate it.” You spit as you take a step backwards with the intention of giving him enough space to stand. “Now, I’ve been nothing but amenable to your rather…invasive questions. But we’re done. So, I’m gonna have to insist that you leave.”

Before you decided he’d make a deserving candidate for death by a thousand paper cuts. 

Your pulse continues to thrum in your ears as you watch him rise to his full height – an impressive 6’4 – so that he now towers over you. Perhaps if you weren’t so angry you’d be a little more tempted to allow your mind to wander a little farther into the realm of fantasy. 

But not now. 

Right now, in this moment, all you wanted was to watch Ari Levinson’s sculpted ass walk right out your front door.  

Nodding, the now quiet bounty hunter begins moving in the direction of the entrance. Neither of you say a word as you make that quick walk. In fact, you don’t speak again until Ari’s hand is on the handle. 

“For what it's worth…” He blows out a weary breath. “This wasn’t how I meant for this to go.” His eyes find yours, as if imploring you to see the truth in them. 

However, instead of responding all you can do is offer up a shrug. Which he, of course, takes as an opportunity to keep going. 

“It’s just…the idea of someone like you getting caught up with a piece of slime like Westbrook…” He pauses long enough to open the door and take a tentative step outside. “I guess it bothered me more than I realized.”

His reluctant admission has your stomach tied up in knots, which prompts you to ask the one question you were almost certain you’d regret later: 

“And just what do you mean by that?” You do your best to seem unruffled as you awkwardly brace yourself against the doorframe.

“All I’m saying is that you’re out of his league.” Feeling even more confused, you watch as Ari’s lips curve in a faint smile. “And if you didn’t know that before, well, now you do.” His head dips politely as he turns to head towards his truck. 

“Guess I’ll see you around, Duchess.” You don’t have to see his face to know that he’s grinning. “Oh, and don’t forget to lock up. Might help with all those unwanted visitors you’ve been havin.”

Ari doesn't need to turn his head to know that you're currently giving him the finger. He can feel it. And all it does it make him smile harder.

END 

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[softboo]

love me, ever so gently

pairing: austin butler x reader

summary: you recently moved to a new apartment, making new some eccentric friends along the way. but what you didn't expect was falling in love with a stranger. a stranger you somehow couldn't stop thinking about

words: 2.1k

warnings: depictions of domestic abuse, dark themes of relationships

author's note: i made this on an extremely impulsive whim and i have never been so terrified of posting this. my anxiety of trying to make this story went from writing this for three days straight to now suddenly having multiple parts. i'm literally almost done with part III so we'll see how far this goes. hopefully you like my very first fic... i haven't written in years... ehh... and thank you in advance for reading this :3

next part

part I

"you're either incredibly talented or horribly lousy."

george stated right before you tore down the stack of books from the pile. you groaned in frustration, ignoring that thing buried right under the surface of your heart. if bookstores and libraries could make something aesthetically pleasing, then so could you. just like you were able to do a year ago.

you huffed once more before starting the process over again.

george took your silence as a precautionary warning, tentatively placing a small cup of coffee next to you, hoping maybe a little space and some caffeine couldn't hurt your pride more than he did.

"as long as you don't make a mess, it makes my job a thousand times easier," he offered you a toothy, yet slightly lopsided grin before leaving you to your uncomplicated complicated endeavors.

george circled around the remaining tables that were also still being set up for the fair at the community center. you were a regular volunteer for these events, moreso because your neighbors invited you to them in the first place. one of your neighbors being george, who hobbled right back to where you were, smiling proudly at his empty tray.

"well, my services are done."

he flashed another innocent grin before leaving you be, "make sure you get that done before cass sees you!"

"george I'm going to throw this empty tray at you."

he let out a belly laugh, even though he was as thick as a twig. he pulled you over to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

"there she is!"

you rolled your eyes at him, but couldn't help a smile. you still remember when you met him for the first time.

~ ~

your first week at the new apartment building was stressful enough, splitting your belongings in each individualized box and suitcase. and somehow through all that stress, someone as joyous as george just so happened to crash right into you with all of his groceries.

and he had this distinct smell, something between a book you haven't opened in years and an old worn out knitted sweater. at the time, he greeted you like you've been friends for years, something you deeply missed when you moved away from your hometown. from everyone.

"welcome to the neighborhood!!" he screamed in your ear, forgetting his hearing aids before he left for the store. you let out a polite, yet awkward, kind of laugh, thanking him for his very enthusiastic greeting. it's funny to look back on it now, a stranger you would've never imagined becoming friends with. including everyone else you met along the way.

~ ~

evelyn and cassandra peered from the hallway behind you, coming from the kitchen. cassandra with her big box of jewelry for her stand, while evelyn followed suit.

"did george call me cass again? i hate when he calls me cass. it sounds like ass."

"because you are an ass."

cassandra shot him a quick glaring look before he started laughing again, placing her boxes down. she pointed a shaky finger at him.

"you know one of these days, i really hope i end up dying before you. i can't stand that laugh of yours." she grumbled, which made you laugh.

"can't keep a happy man down cass. you're stuck with me forever," he bellowed, leaving a messy kiss on her cheek before she swatted him away. george dramatically saluted them before hobbling away again, wanting to mingle and socialize before the fair officially opens.

cassandra gathered her things once more as she eyed your table with a sense of pride.

"you never cease to amazing me sweetie. i always love how you decorate your books."

her words swelled in your heart and that thing that was buried right under the surface dissipated, only just for a moment. and you were completely and utterly okay with that.

"thanks cassie..." your voice drifting ever so softly. like she was going to catch it in the end like she always does.

~ ~

when you met cassandra last year, you heard her voice before you saw her. you were seated at the lobby of your apartment building, waiting for a blind date that never picked you up. it was about two hours before you decided to call it and when you looked up, you saw her.

she was a bright eyed woman, her grey hair tossed behind a small pink scarf, something you've only seen worn a few times or rather only in movies. she looked at you with a look of concern. you weren't crying of course, why waste tears on some stranger right?

but you got your hopes up immensely high and someone as experienced in her years as she was, she could tell a disappointed look when she saw one.

"oh my dear, what's the matter? are you hurt?"

you shook your head no, having no energy to formally respond with a voice.

"come here love, let's bring you back home. do you live here?"

you nodded.

she waddled her way towards you, keeping you close to her. she was a tiny woman, hunched over slightly as she led you to the elevator. once you were both inside, she asked what floor you were on and pressed the appropriate button for you. her floor being the one below yours.

"sorry we have to stop at mine first..." she began and you shook her head to stop her.

"don't be. it's okay... i was heading up anyway." you finally had strength to talk again, "i should be saying sorry for keeping you from getting home."

she scoffed at your response, displaying one of the warmest smiles you've ever seen.

"sweetie, you're doing me a favor."

the elevator dinged and opened to her floor, the woman turning to walk out.

"i am?" you asked her and she nodded, standing outside the elevator doors.

"yes. because no man deserves to make someone as lovely as you this sad."

your face went from feeling defeated to utter confusion as the woman smiled again. this time knowing exactly what you were going to ask.

"i know disappointment when i see it."

and just like that, the elevator door closed.

~ ~

"how are you feeling otherwise?" cassandra asked you, momentarily glancing over at your beautiful table.

"better. only sometimes," you responded, a lump suddenly appearing in your throat. feeling as if you were half lying somewhere.

"that's okay. just remember that someone who's broken you then doesn't deserve to break you now," she gently held your cheek, looking at you as if for the first time again.

"and besides, who knows who you'll might meet today."

~ ~

cassandra's words rung in your ears, weighing heavy on a hopelessly romantic heart. being alone was easy and you weren't lying if you admitted that to anyone because it was true. that was one of the perks of moving here, along with meeting all of your new friends.

but being lonely... that was difficult. especially when the fall season would blend into the holidays. one night after the other. because everyone seemed to find their someone by the times gifts were supposed to be given. which is why you wanted to put everything into the community fair this year.

and because heartbreak anniversaries were apparently a thing on your calendar.

you glanced over at your table, the last few books lingered for awhile. some people glancing over at them, while others would pick it up just to place it back down again. you didn't really know why seeing a book not being chosen hurt a small part of you. but it did.

or maybe you knew but didn't want to face it.

soon enough, you noticed someone hovering near the entrance, like he was contemplating whether or not to let his curiousity get the best of him. it may have been a little more than an hour or so when he actually approached your table.

you quickly stood up in response, as you noticed him eyeing a few of the older books. his hands lingered on each cover, not saying a word. his hair was blonde, wavy and messy, like he'd just woken up. the rest of him was covered by a black mask.

you did notice the way his hands moved though, hesitating to pick something. shaking a bit, a shadow crossed your peripheral and you could've sworn you saw a bruise somewhere on his knuckles.

"do you need help finding anything?" your voice coming out a lot softer than you had hoped. he looked up and you felt this entire weight lift off of you. like something encapsulating you just shattered into a million pieces and suddenly you could breathe again.

his eyes were so blue, like you were swimming in this endless ocean full of life and somehow you couldn't tell the difference between the stillness of the water or the blueness of the sky.

you could see a slight smiling forming on his face before he shook his head no.

"oh well if you want anything... i really recommend any of the classics."

his eyes glimmered a bit, letting his hand linger on one of the few books he was eyeing before.

"how much is it?" his deep tone caught you by surprise as you hesitated to respond. your own voice catching in your throat.

"oh um... everything is free."

"really?"

and just like that, you noticed something switch in him, a sense of curiosity filling those calm waters.

"which ones have you read so far?"

you didn't realize it, but your eyes lit up at the question. and he noticed. a small smile forming on his face.

"oh this one is my favorite... i haven't finished it, but it was really good from where i left off," you pointed at pride and prejudice.

you smiled at him, like your excitement was taking over and he could tell how much you loved talking about books. his gaze never wavering as you spoke about the stories that overwhelmed you and the others that never lasted a few pages before you decided to stop. he listened with such intent, such intrigue, it made you feel like you were someone he had known for years.

his aura was beautiful and a part of you wished that something would lead to something which would lead to something else. you didn't even feel anything in that regard, not yet anyway, but that same part. it was pulling... gently. ever so gently tugging at your heart.

"thank you for all of your recommendations," he began, holding on to ever single book you spoke about. you were about to protest that he didn't have to, but he was adament on keeping every single one.

"are you sure you want to get all of them?" your voice wavering on worry, but all he did was smile at you, letting out a soft laugh.

"i'm sure."

his voice was so reassuring, you almost forgot to offer him a bag. there was a slight pause before you realized, eyes widened in embarrassment.

you quickly apologized to him, running to the back to get a bag. you left the table feeling this overwhelming warmness flow through you as you noticed your heart beating against your chest. you tried to hide the excitement, but your heart was already getting your hopes too high.

but when you came back, your heart instantly dropped right into your stomach. a woman was now standing next to him, but something was different in his eyes. the oceans were no longer waves crashing against the seashore. they were climbing under thunderstorms. drowning in its own current.

her hair was dark red in color, flowing to accentuate the curves of her body. she was unbelievably gorgeous and your heart sank even more. but there was something about her that you couldn't figure out.

"here's your bag, i didn't mean to—"

"why your table is absolutely gorgeous, isn't it austin?"

he didn't glance at you or her or anyone. all he did was nod. you noticed the grip she had on his arm. it was tight. suffocating.

you offered the bag to them, but she shooed your hand away, like you were merely just a bug.

"no need sweetie, we were just on our way out. he was just looking anyway."

you tried your best to keep your composure, but you were fuming on the inside. only cassandra could call you that and at least when she did, it was endearing. not spiteful.

she flashed you the biggest smile that fueled your fire even more as she pulled austin away. you noticed him stiffen when they left the table. he couldn't even look at you.

and he couldn't even say goodbye.

[elswing]

i hate posting discourse it's pointless and doesn't do anything for me except prolong my annoyance but i'm Tired™ and feel like shouting into the void. apologies to my beautiful feanorian mutuals please look away i love u

i neeeeeeed everyone to stop claiming they like elwing if their characterisation of her is completely made-up biased bullshit that paints her as an immature and disdained ruler (?????) who couldn't balance her responsibilities with the husband she married too young (at 22. practically a child bride honestly) and the children she never wanted (where. where does it say this). she's clearly such a bad mother that she abandoned them at first opportunity (she knew the feanorians were more than capable of killing a pair of twin boys because they literally already did that. that's very much a thing that already happened. to her brothers) and it was her selfish nature that made her soooo eager to flee (she had no reason to think ulmo would save her it was literally a suicide attempt. she wanted to make sure the deaths of her people and presumed deaths of her sons weren't in vain by ensuring they never obtained the silmaril)

like i'm gonna touch your hand as i say this. it's okay if you hate her! just don't pretend that you weren't thriving in the 2016 era of silm fandom where everyone pushed all their male fave's negative traits onto any other woman in a 5 mile radius to grab Poor Little Meow Meow status for war criminal #1 #2 and #3 to then turn around and spout the exact same (factually untrue) sexist rhetoric concealed under seven layers of buzzwords just because it's the year of "unlikable and complicated female characters" like buddy who are we talking about here. have you perhaps considered making an oc?

and i'm NOT saying i want the whole fandom to mimic my exact opinions and thoughts about elwing i realise that one of the best parts of the silm is how divisive it is and how you have so much wiggle room to come to your own interpretations because of how VAGUE the source material is but i'm genuinely convinced everyone's just parroting shit they saw in ao3 fanfics where maglor is secretly lindir and the premise is elrond sneaking him into valinor and elwing yells at him for slaughtering her people. TWICE. and this is framed as a category 5 Woman Moment so elrond disowns her and calls maglor his real dad

(eärendil misses this entire ordeal because he went on a voyage to save the world that one time and no one's let him live it down since because the whole fandom as a collective decided he did this because he's a terrible dad and not because the whole continent was at war and about to be wiped out and maybe he came to the unfortunate but reasonable conclusion that leaving is the best thing he could do for his family if it meant there was a chance his sons could grow up safe in a world that wasn't ruled by Fucking Satan so now his whole Beloved Sacrificial Lion: The Thin Line Between Doomed and Prophesized Hero™ shtick is tossed out in favour of.... *checks notes* Guy Who Forgot To Pay Child Support? oh and they're a lot louder about this because he's a man so no one can call it misogyny that's why no one ever goes the #girlflop #ILoveMyBlorbosNastyAndComplicated route with him and he gets dubbed as that one asshole who just wanted fame and glory even though that goes against the general themes for tolkien's hero characters. and tolkien loved that dude to bits that was his specialist little guy so you can't seriously tell me you think that's what he was trying to portray???????? is that seriously what you think he was trying to portray????????? babe????????????

also there's a BIG difference when it's a character that's only named in one draft and doesn't exist in the rest or gil-galad who has like three and a half possible fathers but ELWING??????? the only possible way you could be coming to these conclusions is if you read the damn book with your eyes closed. FUCK.

[mrsshabana]

Patient!Gyutaro x Nurse!Reader - CHAPTER 1

Chapter 2

✦ CW: 18+ MDNI, female reader. Mentions of mental illness, suicide, and sexual abuse of a minor. This fic has many dark themes, please do not read unless you are comfortable!

✦ AN: The long awaited nurse au is finally here! Sorry it took me so long, but I wanted to make sure it was perfect. Lots of thought and research went into making this fic. There will also be art included in this chapter!

✦ WC: 2,146

This is what you should have expected from a job in the medical field that didn’t require much qualifications. Working at an asylum wasn’t ideal, but they are incredibly desperate for new nurses. As most of them are unable to handle the physical and mental toll that a place like this puts on someone. 

It’s your first day at your new job. You were excited until you entered the building. The dreary interior mixed with the groans and screams of unruly patients wasn’t the welcome that you had been hoping for.

You’re young, almost too young to be working at a place like this. The other nurses didn’t take you seriously, and they were going to make the transition for you more difficult than it needed to be. You were being assigned to a patient that is notorious for being difficult to work with. The other nurses use him to weed out the weak. Always shifting the new hires to care for him. They usually leave within the first week, so his care returns to one of the veteran nurses known for having a mind of steel. She’s cold hearted, but that helps you deal with a job like this. The complete opposite of you. A warm young woman, eager to treat and rehabilitate.

Currently you are being led to your new patient. Quickly scanning over his records as you follow the nurse through the halls of the sanatorium.

Rashomon Riverbank Asylum

Patient Record

Name: Shabana, Gyutaro

Identification Data: Sex: Male Age: 23 Height: 6’ 3” Weight: 134

Race: Asian Hair: Black Eye: Blue

Special Handling Code: Code Red; Keep medicated Special Handling Instructions: Keep away from sharp objects

Medical History: Multiple suicide attempts, Complications due to sickle cell anemia, Treated for Congenital Syphilis

Diagnoses: Sickle Cell Anemia Hutchinson’s Teeth Borderline Personality Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder Depression Insomnia

Current Medical Treatment: Special diet for weight gain Medications given AM & PM

Medications: Wellbutrin - 100 mg twice daily Abilify - 10 mg once daily Carbamazepine - 350 mg twice daily Xanax - 2 mg twice daily Trazodone - 150 mg once daily Voxelotor - 500 mg once daily Adakveo - 5 mg IV infusion once every 4 weeks

Gyutaro Shabana, your very first patient at Rashomon Riverbank Asylum. Looking over his record, this is going to be a difficult one. You’ve learned about a majority of these diagnoses in college, so you have a good idea about the kind of treatment he will require. It’s strange though, he seems to have lost the genetic lottery. And you haven't even seen his face yet, you can only imagine what he may look like.

An asian man with sickle cell anemia is almost unheard of, roughly 0.0022%. And on top of that he was born with Congenital Syphilis. It’s quite frankly amazing that he’s lived past 20.

“Just introduce yourself, then I’ll take you to your other patients,” the other nurse says as she stops in front of his door. 

Not wanting to be impolite, you hesitantly knock on his door. There’s no response. You figured that there wouldn’t be, so you open the door anyways.

“Hello, Mr. Shabana?” you say coyly.

When you peek into the room, you are instantly frozen by his icy gaze. He’s sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. His cold blue eyes send shivers down your spine.

“I’m um… I’m your new nurse.” you choke out. He’s feet away from you but you feel as though his hands have a tight grasp around your throat.

“My name is Y/N. Um… If you ever need anything d-don’t hesitate to call for me…”

The expression on his face is unchanging, as he remains silent.

“Well I’ll see you later tonight Mr. Shabana…”

Closing the door, breaking the line of sight that he had on you, instantly you feel a surge of relief.

You go on to visit the rest of your patients, then you come back later that night to give Mr. Shabana his dinner. A high protein meal, specifically for weight gain.

Knocking on the door a few times before you push it open, “Mr. Shabana, I have your dinner.”

He’s in the same spot where you left him, sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. But this time he doesn’t even bother to look at you when you enter the room.

Stepping closer to place the food tray on his table, you inspect his appearance. 

His clothes hang off of his frame, enveloping his skeletal body. You can make out lean muscles on his arms, but his face is sunken and his pants hang low on his hips. There are large black marks scattered across his face, and you can barely see one peeking out from below his sleeve. Were these marks from his Congenital Syphilis? Dark circles sit below his eyes, he looks as though he hasn’t slept in weeks.

He’s wearing the standard issue uniform that all patients wear. A plain t-shirt and pants, made of the same material as scrubs. Though his feet are bare, slippers sitting below the edge of the bed. His hair is long and wavy. Black as midnight, unruly in the way it hangs in front of his face. The top of his hair is half haphazardly tied up.

“Got a problem…?” He rasps, drawing out each word.

The venom of his sour tongue sends a jolt of electricity through your skin. 

“Huh?” you’ve been sitting there staring at him for too long, “O-oh! I’m sorry sir! There’s no problem, please enjoy your dinner,” you quickly rush out of the room.

As you continue on giving food to the rest of your patients, Mr. Shabana’s voice echoes through your skull.

Got a problem…? Got a problem…? Got a problem…?

A few hours later, you go back to retrieve the tray and whatever food may have not been eaten. Stopping yourself before you open the door. It’s ok. He’s just a patient. Then why does he make you so nervous?

*Knock knock*

“Hello Mr. Shabana, I’m just here to collect your tray,” you chime, masking your fear with a smile.

Walking back into the dimly lit room, the fluorescent lights flickering. His eyes staring into you.

His food has been untouched. The only thing that was eaten was a packaged cookie.

“Not hungry today?” your voice shakes as you try to ignore his harsh gaze.

He remains silent. Watching you as you step closer. The buzzing of the fluorescent bulbs filling the room, filling your brain with static.

“Was it not to your liking? I can have the cooks make something else for you if you’d like.”

“...”

Your eyes meet. His thin eyebrows furrow, the rest of his expression remains unchanging. The pressure of his glare makes the air around you feel heavy. Pressing down on you, compressing your spine, you feel so small when he looks at you. You’re desperate to fill the cold aura with some warmth.

“Mr. Shabana you really should eat-”

*CRASH*

He slaps the tray out of your hand, food splattering onto your uniform, dripping onto the floor. 

Silence. You’re stuck staring down at your feet. Watching the pool of meat, vegetables, and milk spread around you. It takes you a few moments to fully process what has just happened, only able to snap out of it when you feel the wetness of the food seeping through your skirt, making you feel cold.

You regret looking up at him. Regret meeting his eyes. Filled with amusement.

“You better clean that up… don’t chu think…?” He smirks. Showing his sharp canines and crooked teeth.

“I-I…” you mumble, looking back down at the mess. He’s right, you should clean it up before it gets everywhere.

Going into the hallway, you grab some towels and return to his room. Not thinking your next actions through as you get down on all fours and start picking up the mess. All you want to do is hurry and clean this up so you can leave. But Mr. Shabana has different plans.

He slowly stands up. Looming over you, looking down on you with a twisted grin. He’s so tall… he makes you feel so small as you look up at him. So pathetic. So worthless.

“You look good down there…” he steps on your hand, “On your knees like a whore…”

His words leave you speechless. Your vision begins to blur and your heart starts to race. He pushes his weight further onto your hand, until you feel a crack.

“I’d like to see you like this more often…” he chuckles, the sound rumbling in his hollow chest.

Every instinct within your body is screaming at you to run. But you feel so trapped. So paralyzed by him. Like a rabbit cornered against a wall by a vicious predator. His eyes. It’s his eyes. No, it's his touch. It’s… everything about him. 

You try to speak up, but your words escape you. Coming out in a pathetic whine that makes his grin widen and his laughter intensify. 

He’s reaching for you. His hand is coming towards your face. Your mind is telling you that if you let him get any closer you will die. He will kill you. And he won’t even care.

Your body is pumped with enough adrenaline for you to break free from the physical and psychological hold he had on you.

Pulling your hand away from under his foot, you push yourself backwards. Stumbling to stand up on your feet. You run out of the room and through the halls, not risking looking back at him. All you hear as you escape is his laughter on repeat. You can’t tell if his laughter is echoing through the halls, or if it has just been ingrained into your mind.

You keep running until you get back to the nurses quarters and to your room. 

Tears running down your cheeks, food staining your clothes, and pain throbbing in your hand. You collapse on the floor and cry.

Why would he be so cruel? You understand that he’s a patient and has a list of mental illnesses, but you were trying to help him! You can’t even remember what you were doing or why you were in his room. All you remember is him and how he made you feel. His stare. His voice. His touch. 

Fuck him and fuck this job.

Clambering over to your desk, you immediately start writing your resignation letter.

You don’t get paid enough for this shit. All you wanted to do is help people, and you get repaid with this? It’s just not worth it. Through your sobs, your tears fall onto the page as you hastily move your pen on the piece of parchment in front of you.

There. It’s done. You’re done.

You won’t have to see this place, see him, ever again once you submit this letter.

Looking around your desk, searching for an envelope. You come across a thick manilla folder. The tab on the side reads, Shabana, Gyutaro.

Something compels you to open it. You already skimmed through his information, but you never looked at everything here.

His psychiatric notes? From his psychiatrist? These shouldn’t be in here… you shouldn’t have access to this confidential information.

But if you’re leaving anyways… then there’s no harm. Right?

Shabana, Gyutaro - Dr. Hantengu

August 14

Childhood trauma starting since birth

Single mother, no father

Raised as a female. Mother would dress patient as a daughter. Would cover up his deformities with makeup. (Feelings of worthlessness, not belonging)

Sister born at age 6 (turning point in patient’s life)

Mother cast aside patient for sister. (When he learned he was actually a boy. Feeling of confusion. Child cannot comprehend)

Sexual abuse started at age 10

Mother was a prostitute, would offer children to adult clients.

 Patient record, “She would bring men into our house… and let them touch us. (long pause) They wanted my sister. They wanted to do bad things to her. So I… (patient gets upset) I would offer myself to them. I would perform sexual acts for them so they would leave Ume (sister) alone.”

Sexual abuse continued until age 15

Mother died of overdose. The children were left in the home for over a week until someone found them.

Children taken to orphanage. 

Patient held in orphanage for 8 months until incident.

Brought to Asylum at age 16

End of first session 

You are left speechless. 

Reading his records reminds you of why you wanted to be a nurse in the first place. To help people that have gone through trauma such as this. He didn’t lash out at you because of something you did. It’s not your fault. And it isn’t his either. He just needs help. 

And you will be the one to help him.

[unhelpfulfemme]

Thalias from the Thrawn Ascendancy trilogy is how you do a female character with "traditionally feminine" virtues correctly.

The culture of the Ascendancy involves using young girls - the only Force sensitives their race has, since they all lose their Force sensitivity when they enter puberty - as ship navigators necessary to navigating the chaotic part of space that they live in. These girls are taken from their families at a young age and raised by a series of caregivers, and just like a bunch of plenty of carers IRL a lot of them are dogshit at their job. As someone who's worked similar jobs and watched other people work similar jobs, Timothy Zahn is BRILLIANT at portraying all of this - it gives me feelings like I can't describe. If you've ever seen a mean preschool teacher harranguing their charges or a shitty foster parent who doesn't treat their foster kids as individuals or anyone of the sort, you will feel this in your bones. Zahn goes hard on the "children are people" themes in this trilogy and I love love love this - it really means a lot to me to see a man known for his military and engineering competence porn stuff put so much thought and care into portraying caregiving as the important and complicated task that it is without coming off as sexist or patronizing towards it.

Anyway, Thalias is one such navigator, but even though most of them want nothing to do with the whole trauma-inducing system once they grow out of it, Thalias ends up returning as a caregiver and puts so much effort, compassion and logical thought into it that it makes me cry tears of joy. She draws on her own experiences but is quick to course correct when she realizes that Che'ri's experiences are different from her own (Thalias loved to read as a kid and still finds it comforting, Che'ri hates reading), she treats Che'ri with empathy and gives her as much autonomy and independence as she is allowed to. She uses a scientific method to figure out how the navigator powers work and adjust Che'ri's work routine accordingly - something no one has ever thought to do. She advocates for Che'ri with the rest of the ship's crew. She's amazing, and Zahn also makes sure to show how HARD it can be at times rather than just make her a perfect mind reader who always knows what her charge is thinking and what to say or do.

She's also kinda flawed - she seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Thrawn because he was once nice to her when she was a miserable kid in the throes of the shitty navigator system, and it comes off as kind of weird or cringe at times, and that's a GOOD thing in my book because it makes her character more 3D.

ALSO, the really nice part of it is that these books are filled to the brim with cool female characters that all feel really really different from each other, so Thalias being the nurturing, diplomatic type doesn't feel like Zahn sending some kind of message - the other prominent character is Ar'alani, a clever military woman who's a natural leader, excellent at handling her subordinates and recognizing their talents, excellent at handling politics even though she hates it, excellent at improvising on the fly, and also a kind and loyal friend. A lot of the other soldier or officer types are also women, and Zahn's other works also have a shitton of varied and cool women, so you feel safe in the knowledge that anything Thalias says or does is indicative of Thalias as an individual and not some vague idea of what women are like that the author has.

I also love how her character provides a contrast to all the "necessary evil" and "people are assets"-type thinking that a lot of the Ascendancy's more military types endorse (which make up a large percentage of the main cast, since this is mil scifi after all) - her conversation with Samakro about this is just chef's kiss to me. I feel like it's cool that we get this kind of POV because to me it serves as confirmation that Zahn knows what he's doing here - he's not being a stupid edgelord fanboy in love with the concept of doing shitty things for the greater good, he's just keenly observing how different people approach life and how all of these sorts of thinking are very useful in certain situations and deeply stupid in others. And the topic is treated with zero smugness - I've read things where similar arguments are used as a way of showing how wise and perfect one of the characters is and how stupid the other one is (coughvorkosigansagacough), but here everyone is treated with respect and empathy and consideration.

THALIAS SUPREMACY!!!

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 4, Part 4/4 (p. 1865-1988)

Read the previous post here.

Oh boy it's the final stretch for this Act. I want to take a moment to express my appreciation for all the new followers I've gained over the course of this reread. I have 60 now, which is incredible. Thank you all!

With that said, this post will contain some... sticky subject matter. I wonder how many of you will choose to dip after this.

[CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of incest starts below the second image]

Oh my fuck it's the ectobiology section. Out of all the convoluted and frivolous mechanics in Homestuck, this one might be the worst in my opinion. Worse than the adventure game jokes cribbed from Problem Sleuth, worse than the punch card alchemy and other ponderous Sburb mechanics... I'd say it's worse than the time travel shit, but this is actually more of a subset of that. So yeah, time travel continues to be the worst thing about Homestuck, and shit like this and the bunny subplot are prime examples of that. But my ire is fully directed at ectobiology at this moment.

The stuff I mentioned before at least has a purpose; they parody needlessly complicated video game mechanics. But ectobiology doesn't have a purpose. It's not funny, nor does it serve the story in a meaningful or even interesting way. So why does it exist? Is it to drive home the point that these select individuals are the "chosen ones" by Sburb? If I had to hazard a guess what Hussie meant by that...

Earth is a vile place and must be destroyed, so sayeth Sburb. Everything living on it is flawed by extension, so its chosen destroyers must be fully disconnected human society and the planet itself. These destroyers have been plucked from the aether and reconstituted from bullshit plot slime in a faraway part of time and space, ensuring that they are unquestionably divorced from anything from Earth, and therefore pure.

Now that I type all that out, it's no wonder none of the kids were all that shaken up about bringing about the apocalypse. Considering that they're essentially game constructs with no actual ties to humanity, it really throws away any sort of conflict and sense of sacrifice brought about by destroying the planet. All the innocents who perished in the meteor showers? Eh, fuck them! They were all NPCs anyway. All hail the slime people!

Okay, I'm sure this wasn't Hussie's actual intent, but if there's no grander symbolism at play, what else is there? None of this adds anything to the plot. The fact that the main cast are non-humans is never touched upon and the whole thing reads as superfluous sci-fi garbage. The only significance the meteors carrying the babies had was that John's Nanna died from a meteor strike. But it was already suggested way earlier that she died because she was crushed by the Colonel Sassacre book.

That was a perfectly serviceable, slightly comedic death befitting of a family of jokesters. There's no need to escalate it and involve a giant meteor.

One other thing I take umbrage with: because the cast were all birthed from the same slurry, this means that Dave and Rose are now """related""". They aren't related by blood, no, but by slime. Which, in the eyes of Hussie and the fandom at large, means the same thing, I guess. Even though they never grew up as siblings, lived separate lives in different parts of the country, and only met online as strangers before developing a (very flirtatiously charged) friendship, the fandom treats them as if they're flesh and blood brother and sister. It boggles my mind. Why is this being treated as legitimate? Did Hussie plan all along to take the two characters with the best chemistry only to pull a Luke and Leia on us? Why would he write them like that if this was his endgame? Does he just have an incest fetish?

I wouldn't doubt it because themes of incest are actually quite pervasive within Homestuck. And that's without even mentioning how Hussie developed an alien race that fundamentally relies on incest to reproduce. Ectobiology creates several relationships, incidental or otherwise, that tie nearly the entire main cast in a complicated web of pseudo-familial dynamics. Like John is actually the kids' progenitor/father because he's the one who brought them all into existence. So even if he isn't related to Rose or Dave by genes or slime, he still gave birth to them in a sense.

I've even seen people say that since Betty Crocker/The Condesce was Nanna's adopted mother, that makes the Egbert/Crocker/Harley/English family tree "related" to the Peixes trolls, so any ship with that combination is "incest." What if I told you that Feferi is related to all the other trolls via bullshit slime mechanics as well? I guess that makes Johnkat incest too. And if John is Dave's father... gasp! Davekat is also incest!? It's over folks, burn everything down.

Anyway, I don't acknowledge Rose and Dave as biological siblings because I don't treat being born from a vat of slime as the same as being birthed from the same womb. That would be treating ectobiology as valid and sensible, which I refuse to do. I don't want to lend Hussie's fixation on incest any amount of approval. All I know is that the trolls are made of the same stupid plot sludge and nobody cares if you ship them. There are no humans and trolls: only slime constructs. Either everyone is related or none of them are. You can't have both.

In the end, none of this matters. The world would be a much happier place if we all collectively agreed to forget ectobiology's existence. If this ruffles your feathers, just block me. Don't come at me because I'll just ignore you.

So Grandpa Harley had time-traveled forward to the future and into Sburb before returning to the past, living out his life on Earth, and dying. Fucking okay I guess!

At least this answers the question I had that yes, Mom Lalonde knew what she was doing before entering the game because Grandpa told her everything. Same with Bro and Dad, it seems.

Ah yes, Dad x Mom. A relationship that ends nearly as soon as it begins. Let's put this right alongside the Exile love triangle and DaveTav in the "relationships that are teased but never manifest into anything meaningful" pile.

"Ackshually, everyone was born from a vat of slime on a distant meteor and sent back to Earth to live out their lives!" - the ramblings of an utter lunatic.

Like god fucking forbid the kids be normal people placed in extraordinary circumstances.

The babies all gravitate to the things they'll have a connection to in the future. Nanna gets her son's hat, Bro gets Cal, etc. Dave clings to Maplehoof, which doesn't seem like a clear connection. Except... that's Rose's horse, isn't it? Ohhh. It all makes sense now. 😏

This exchange is a top 10 Karkat moment for sure.

The supposed saviors that will revive the human race aren't even human, they're slime creatures! Beyond the fact that none of them are human, the Superman analogy falls flat because none of these kids are humanity's protectors. They're just following the whims of a game that ultimately does not give a fuck about any of them.

I need "JOHN EGBERT, YOU HAVE ASSASSINATED MY PATIENCE." emblazoned on a banner or something.

Also Karkat calls Superman a "Caucasian alien" and he also refers to a genie as an "Earth Arabian" in an earlier log.

He really knows a lot about different human ethnic groups, for some reason.

I think about "you always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry" on a somewhat regular basis.

Sassacre is killed, but since he was a human, his death is inconsequential. Grandpa, a slime homunculus just like Nanna, is given new life, which is a cause for celebration. This whole sequence is quite morbid with Sassacre's bloody corpse just hanging out in the frame.

But wait, if Nanna and Grandpa are adopted siblings, and John and Jade are their "genetic children"... augh, never mind! This is what I mean when I say ectobiology produces all kinds of unfortunate relationships. I don't want to think about any of this pseudo-incest anymore. How are there people who make it their whole online careers to dissect this garbage so they can harass people about this shit? Don't they get tired? It's giving me a headache.

Rose is even referred to as John's "daughter" in the title of this flash. I'm not just blowing smoke when I say that John is everyone dad. That's literally what just happened.

Now that we're finally done with this segment, I'll cap it off with this: Nothing of value was added with the inclusion of ectobiology. I know I've been throwing around the phrase "waste of time" in these posts, but this bit of worldbuilding is unequivocally, without a doubt, the biggest fucking waste of time in this entire comic.

Woof. Shall we move on?

While Davesprite and Terezi sort of reconciled in their conversation and formed a bit of a bond, Dave doesn't receive her nearly as amicably. Why is she doing the "1S TH1S YOU" joke with Dave when that was a bit she did with Davesprite?

Oh right, because she thinks that same relationship will carry over to "real Dave". She sees them as the same person just like everyone else. Lovely.

Dave thinks he can burn Terezi by repeatedly insulting her blindness, even though it's clear that it doesn't bother her at all. This is really weak, especially when compared to his log with Tavros where he forced Tavros to block him.

Terezi seems to have completely given up on John and now wants to be annoying and nasty to Dave instead. She has officially been downgraded from minor antagonist to obnoxious interloper.

Tavros could only ever enjoy himself when he could escape to Prospit, be mobile, and most importantly fly. Nobody ever wants to talk about how Tavros has a lot of avoidance issues, how he always shrinks away from action and confrontation, and how he copes with adversity through escapism (both in a figurative sense through his interest in fantasy, and in a literal sense when he dreams on Prospit). A big part of his character comes from Peter Pan, the archetype of childlike escapism! IDK man, it sucks to see people reduce him to this lovable, pure-hearted woobie while ignoring the key part of his character.

Just like with Davesprite, Terezi just needed to send the right drawing for Dave's opinion of her to flip. Fantastic conflict resolution right there.

[S] Descend is the End of Act flash for Act 4. It might be the most ambitious flash up to this point. Lots of guest artists contributed here, and it's at this point where Homestuck really begins to feel like a much more collaborative project instead of solely Hussie's work. I don't mean to discredit the music team when I say that, because they've been around since the start, but this feels more substantial since Homestuck is a primarily visual work.

Anyway, Bro slices a meteor in half to save Dave's life, and later has his rocket board transport Dave into the game safely. Chalk that up to his list of noble deeds to try and balance out his dastardly ones.

Jack fucks shit up indiscriminately, so why does he spare WV? Feels a little out of character for him.

The brief Jack and Bro fight is pretty sweet. I'm not a shonen guy, but I'm getting that same sort of energy from this. Knowing that Bro probably knew all about the kinds of monsters he'd have to fight in Sburb, he has probably been training for something like this for most of his life. Had Jack not gotten god powers, Bro probably could've wasted him.

I like to think that Rose's merging with her doomed self is what causes her to act so destructive and nihilistic from this point on. She wants to destroy the game that killed her.

So okay... when Dave and Rose gave John their bunnies for his present, both of them clearly put a lot of thought in their gifts. Dave gifted him a piece of merch from his favorite movie. Rose restored an old heirloom using John's previous gift to her. Jade assembled "a fun and completely ridiculous thing" that has no sentimental meaning and only carries a vague sense of importance.

Does she just not know what he likes? This is less a gesture of friendship and more of her blindly fulfilling the whims of Sburb. I really struggle to see how Jade fits in this friend group dynamic. She's like the weird kid that the others let hang around out of pity.

Waow! After all that buildup with the box mystery, the bunny and Jack are going to have a showdown! Finally we can see what all the fuss is about and why this bunny is so important.

... Or Jack can just fly away and they never fight at all. Cool Hussie. It's so cool how you spent several pages devoted to this plot point only to let it fizzle out like this. Incredible writing.

How much time do you think elapsed between Grandpa bringing Dream!Jade's corpse aboard his airship and gutting, cleaning, stuffing, and mounting her? He probably did it all after he flew off, but I like to imagine him doing this all before that while Mom and Dad just stood around awkwardly waiting for him to finish.

Act 4 had its ups and its downs. A lot of downs. The ups also felt a little bittersweet because for every intriguing story hook like the Exile love triangle, Dave's relationship with Tavros, Rose and her mother, or anything involving Davesprite and doomed Rose, they all amount to nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Homestuck truly is a collection of fun ideas all unfortunately cobbled together by someone who doesn't know how to properly execute them in a story. The colorful art and the kickass music can only serve to cover up the flaws so much before the veneer peels and you see the ugly cracks underneath. I wish we lived in a world where Andrew "writing is easy" Hussie had an editor to salvage the good stuff and throw shit like ectobiology into the garbage.

If it sounds like I'm wrapping things up, think again. This journey isn't over yet. It's time for Act 5! People like to joke about how you should skip all the way to that one, but after everything I've read so far... I wouldn't blame anyone if they did.

[cravingpepsimax]

hs reference like a flashbang aside, choosing a dave and rose excerpt activated something in my brain. (stan voice) it’s just like them. in a way

one is a certified journal writer mastering the arts of the horrors and homosexuality, while the other’s a comic drawing “”cool”” twin with a touch of big brother worship. ford a constant knowledge (light) seeker. stan and the motif of fire. the similarities obviously stop at the surface level traits but thats actually so funny

actually, i wouldn’t say the similarities are surface-level at all!

both ford and rose deal with the Horrors, yes, but there’s more to that. the reason they deal with them is for the same endgoal — obtaining knowledge. this even results in them both being taken advantage of a nigh-omniscient, devil figure (doc scratch vs bill). like you mentioned, she journals, but i’d also like to point out her walkthrough. kanaya reads her walkthrough, not knowing the identity of rose, creating an idea of her in her head, using it as a reference for her own journey… hey, doesn’t that sound familiar?

also, like, horrorterrors aside, you’re out of your mind if you don’t think ford would have a book called “grimoire for summoning the zoologically dubious”. like, title alone, that’s a ford thing.

like ford, rose thinks of herself as a character in a story, rather than just… a person (light player moment). she’s surprisingly calm about sacrificing herself to create the Green Sun, like how ford had resigned himself to being trapped in various hell dimensions, as long as that meant his dimension being safe from bill. also, they’re both nerds that are terrifyingly good at combat.

the rose-ford parallels aren’t shit compared to the dave-stan parallels, though.

they’ve both got a father that isn’t easily impressed, that pushes them to learn how to fight and how to fight well, who wears sunglasses 24/7. they both seem to have complicated feelings about their father, despite their father being shitty & abusive.

despite their detached appearances, both stan and save genuinely care for those close to them, and will do drastic things to protect them. becoming davesprite, dying for jade, actually just dying a lot in general (time player moment), and sacrificing himself for the Green Sun are just a few examples of this.

neither of them really want to do what they’re doing, either. dave doesn’t like time travel. it’s complicated. it’s scary. he’s afraid of his own mortality, and time travel involves a LOT of death. not just his own, either — if he fucks it up, he could end up killing literally everyone. but he does it anyways, because he has to.

stan hates science and math. growing up, he struggled in school, even with the smartest kid in school being his brother. but he still taught himself everything he needed to know to get the portal up and running — with only a third of the instructions. he did shit he hated, complicated shit he hated, for 30 years, because he had to. despite ford criticizing his recklessness, there’s not a single timeline where ford gets sucked into the portal and stan DOESN’T try to save him. and, just like how dave sacrifices himself for the Green Sun, stan’s willing to have his memory wiped for the sake of beating bill. sure, the Green Sun might’ve led to dave god tiering, but dave didn’t know that — just like how stan didn’t know his memory would come back.

they’ve also got the whole “i’m not a hero” thing, despite regularly doing heroic things.

(also, couldn’t find a gif of it, but ford calling stanley a hero both in the show after his sacrifice & in the journal)

also, just… read the aspect descriptions for light and time and tell me that isn’t ford and stan. especially time for stan.

…also, erm, fitting the themes of this blog, dave has… some stuff going on

also apparently davesprite and his rose may have gotten together according to the hs book commentary but i don’t own those and i can’t find an actual like. image or anything so don’t quote me on that lmao

[skinandscales-if]

Genre(s): Urban Fantasy, Action, Mystery, Romance

[DEMO] | [DISCORD] | [RO APPEARANCES]

Skin and Scales is an urban fantasy interactive fiction story hosted in Twine where you choose how your story plays out. Live your life in the big, shining new city as a dragon-shifter and hunt down a secretive killer on the loose, get embroiled in the mobs and gangs vying for power, and fight for justice all while gaining allies and unraveling the secrets of your legacy.

RATED 17+ for graphic depictions of violence, death, alcohol and drug use, explicit language, intense themes of prejudice and dehumanization, and similar mature content and themes

Moments after stepping foot in your new home, you’ve been arrested. And as a dragon-shifter, as the name implies, a human who can shape-shift at will into a one of the few dragon species still left in the world, the odds are naturally stacked against you in the city of Avalon, where your kind is kept under a scrutinizing eye by the King Institute. Left with the last of your options, you are made to partner up with one of the Institutes finest, a fellow dragon-shifter like you, and left with no other choice, you are left to pick up the clues following a sudden murder that has left the whole city shocked and a power vacuum to be filled.

Uncover the secrets of your kind, the underbelly of the city, and maybe, just maybe, meet some people that make this place home.

Variety of MC customization options including their name, gender (with cis and trans options), pronouns, appearance, and more!

Customize your dragon form and choose from one of 4 dragon species (ice, fire, lightning, or venom), your breath weapon (or lack thereof), and your alternate-forms’ appearance!

Explore complex relationships with 4 romanceable options, one poly option (atlas + puck), a complicated hidden route, or romance no one and solidify your new found family!

Journey around a world where dragons have existed for centuries, and all of the complications this fact produce

Determine how you feel about your identity, and how it changes based on your experiences

Set yourself on fire. Many times.

Save the city and bring two split worlds back together

Or return to your roots and change the world forever…

Atlas Drake [he/him, 6’6”]

Working prodigy of the King Institute and your assigned partner, Atlas is one of the most professional and uptight people you have ever met. He is constantly making sure everything and everyone around him are working well within the guidelines presented to him. You, however, seem to be the biggest pain in his side since ‘ever’, and he is constantly ready to remind you of this fact. Maybe you can find a way to melt that frozen exterior of his. Just maybe you can surprise him as well.

Puck Bishop [they/them, 6’2”]

A well-respected scientist, Puck works alongside the King Institute with their studies, and is all the manner of a responsible and put-together person in their profession. More than that though, they are incredibly kind and patient, with a soft smile and wise words ready at any moment. Below this though, lies a more hesitant demeanor, haunted by spirits of the past. Can you remind them of what they have given up? Or settle for gratefulness?

Skye Cortéz [she/her, 5’3”]

Skye is both an enigma and an open book. An extraordinarily bubbly and positive person, she has a very loud personality, and is hard to miss. She considers you one of her closest friends the second she lays her eyes on you, and is loyal to a fault. But you can’t help but notice her uncharacteristic silence when home is brought up, and her naive excitement from the city becomes stranger and stranger once you realize she’s been living here her entire life. Is there anything you can do to tether her? Or will she endlessly drift until it swallows her whole?

Reese Zhu [he/him, 5’5”]

One of the prickliest people to walk the face of the planet, Reese has a bone to pick with everyone and everything. A fiery rebel until the end, he is constantly looking for a fight and considers you a target of his frustration the moment you two meet. However, there is a curb to his aggression, a quietness that he seems consumed in when he assumes you aren’t paying attention. Could you be the one to temper the flames? Or hold on as it consumes you both?

??? [she/her, 6’2”]

She has spotted you. Do you think you can run? Do you think you can hide? Vile creature of the night, monster of the sky, you have no safe haven when this is done.

Come meet your maker, beast.

[destiny-smasher]

JuliNemo Week - Day 4: Rest

The only thing I have to share for this event is an excerpt I've written from an unposted fic featuring Nemona and Scarlet Koito (PokeSpe manga) remixed into SV's game plot. I think it fits the theme well enough... Though my take on this ship is a little complicated... ^_^;;

Enjoy this excerpt/preview from Operation: Comet Punch!

-- (Author's note: the following scene is a flashback directly based on a scene from the book きみと雨上がりを ['After the Rain With You'] by Ayano Takeda, remixed for the purposes of this narrative.) --

The air was chilled by the falling rain, and Nemona's skin was clammy and damp. Her clothes were heavy, stuck to her skin—the added weight was making each step more difficult. Her waning strength was pitiable, and she was already out of breath after only a few minutes of wandering in the rainstorm, desperate to find her crestfallen friend... her crestfallen future Rival, she hoped.

The visage from earlier that afternoon of Scarlet's face when they'd lost to Larry... it was affixed to the back of Nemona's vision. Seeing Scarlet so shaken, so disappointed, so frustrated... That image was even heavier on Nemona than all of this Arcdamn rainfall. It had been the first time Nemona had seen Scarlet actually lose. And they'd been so pumped to get their fifth Gym Badge, too... Nemona, in truth, hadn't lost against any of the Gym Leaders in her rise to the top. She'd cared too much about looking cool to come to any of them unprepared. Maaybe-... Maybe this was her fault? Maybe she'd pushed Scarlet too quickly, made the Gym Challenge too pressing, rushed them to complete it... Nemona knew she could be a little reckless sometimes... Maybe her advice, her eagerness, was instilling a hasty nature in Scarlet?

And now, Scarlet wasn't answering Nemona's calls, wasn't texting back... even though they'd said they would after they'd fought Larry. It made Nemona's stomach sick—a real possibility with how cold she was in this rain. Stupid, stupid... forgetting an umbrella on a trip across Paldea. But Nemona didn't think ahead if it wasn't a Pokemon battle; she only focused on the present. And right that moment, the very pressing, suffocating present was screaming at her like a flustered Noibat: 'Your friend is hurting, your friend is in pain, they need you, they're alone and cold and damp and probably really down on themself!'

So Nemona kept pushing on, despite her pounding heart, despite her aching feet, her burning thighs, her trembling hands, and the steadily crushing weight of the rain against her being... Her Pawmi had rounded a corner, meeting up with her after scanning a few blocks in the time it took her to cover one. She could tell the little guy was getting impatient and a bit confused by her gasping and whimpering in this rainfall. His ears were flopped downward, letting the rain roll off, and the tuft of fur on his head was soaked flat against his skull.

He made a concerned chittering noise as Nemona trudged to him, wiping rain out of her eyebrows. Her ponytail slapped against her back when she rolled to a stop, its water weight stretching at the skin on her scalp.

“Y-...You-... Oh, Arc...” She gasped, needing to take a second to catch her breath. Sniffing and wiping rain off her upper lip, she asked him between huffs, “You... see them... anywhere...?”

Her Pawmi shook his head, flinching when a heavy water drop plopped right onto his head. He shivered, and Nemona sighed. Poor guy had run practically the whole length of the town by now, he'd done his part and then some.

“H-Here...” she croaked, her breath still short as she pulled out Pawmi's pokeball. “Take a break, I'm... I'm sure I'll find her, Bud...” She wiped at her mouth with a groan, uttering out, “Thanks... for looking...”

Pawmi gaped at her with some concern. He could tell this situation was really getting to her. She lamented than she'd spent time brushing and tending to his fur just a half hour prior, only to have that work ruined by this storm. The same could be said for her own hair... But just because something got messed up over and over didn't mean you gave up on ever cleaning it. It was why you had to be vigilant in tending to things.

With Pawmi back safe in his pokeball, Nemona assessed her situation. Maybe... Scarlet had just left? But... they'd agreed to meet up for the fireworks that evening. So they had to still be around, right? They wouldn't just... ditch Nemona, would they? They were becoming best friends so quickly and everything, or so Nemona had thought... For the first time since she'd met Scarlet, Nemona found herself questioning if she was getting ahead of herself, fated to drive yet another potential friend away... It was an eerie and familiar fear that gripped at her heart, but she was eager to cast the doubt aside.

Nemona shook the feeling off for the time being and pressed on, advancing to the last few blocks of the town she presumed were unexplored. After a couple minutes of rain-drenched drudgery, she saw irregular movement out of the corner of her eye, coming from an alleyway. The spindly legs of a familiar Spidops were gesturing at her, sending her childhood born fight-or-flight response off... But she suppressed her instincts, as she often did when bug Pokemon appeared unexpectedly. The Spidops' other two legs were weaving at... some kind of net? Or-...?

Oh! It was Scarlet! Their Spidops was tending to a makeshift 'tarp' between two wall of the alleyway Scarlet was sitting at the edge of – an attempt to protect them from the rain. Scarlet was pitched against the alleyway wall, barely visible from outside due to the setting sun. They looked... asleep? With a book in their lap.

“Leh-... Letty!” Nemona coughed out, using the appointed nickname she'd given her weeks-old friend. She hustled to the alleyway and cautiously scooted herself beneath the cover Spidops was providing, making sure to not let it detect any semblance of fear from her. It seemed to recognize her presence despite her soaked state and welcomed her beneath its webbing, a bit of rainwater trickling off and nearly splashing into her.

“Letty,” Nemona pressed again, her voice a bit lowered as she knelt above her no-doubt disappointed companion. “Hey...”

“Mmrgh...” Scarlet moaned, coming to fairly quick. Their sunken, dull eyes stared up at Nemona like piercing daggers, rusted over by their loss that afternoon. “Nemona? The hell're you doing here...?”

“H-Hah, I could... I could ask you that!” Nemona chuckled nervously, suddenly self aware of her wet clothes stuck to her body, and her soaked bangs clinging to the side of her face. She probably looked extremely un-cool... Good thing Scarlet was the only Academy student around to see her like this.

“Damnit,” Scarlet sighed, closing the book in their lap and pulling their Rotomphone out of their pocket. “Must've conked out,” they grumbled with a “Tch,” shaking their head. “Missed call from you. Sorry 'bout that. Didn't miss the fireworks, though, right? Nah, 'nother half hour... What, uh-...” Now Scarlet was looking confused, having noticed the messy state their new 'Bestie' was in. “Somethin' happen?”

Nemona's brows raised as she blinked dumbly. Scarlet... actually seemed less fazed than Nemona had anticipated. Part of her was actually a little disappointed—she couldn't be a shoulder to cry on if... no one was crying, after all. She realized in that moment how weird it was that she'd been looking forward to being a shoulder to cry on...

“Wh-... I, uh...” Nemona untied her ponytail, and the cascade of dripping jet blackness slid down her shoulders and back. She flicked her head a little, shoving it all behind her shoulders. That was something you were supposed to do in a situation like this, right? All wet, hair down... You showed that off a bit, tried to make it look, like, 'attractive', or whatever, instead of lame. Yeah? That was totally what her Big Sister would've advised she do...

Scarlet didn't seem impressed by the gesture too much, though.

“You look like crap,” they cited flatly, reaching for their pack. “Heh, I feel like it, too,” Nemona eked out, unsure if the remark was teasing or discouraging... Scarlet pulled out a small towel and chucked it over without another word.

“Gosh, thanks,” Nemona cooed, a nervous giggle spilling out.

Scarlet had made a kind gesture! For her! A smooth act of kindness! Ahhh~!

Nemona tried to contain herself as she dried her hair off. Before she could think of what to say, Scarlet explained what had happened—though it wasn't new info to Nemona.

“Oh, erh... Tried my luck against that doofy Gym Leader.” Scarlet snorted a laugh. “Larry? Man. Just a... guy. Love it. Tch. Anyway-... ” They ran a hand over their forehead, brushing some stray raindrop-laden bangs off their skin. “Got my ass handed to me, so...” Letty fluttered their lips in a disparaging sigh, gazing downward.

“A-Actually, I saw,” Nemona revealed, her voice muffled a bit by towel. Shaking the tips of her ponytail off, she specified, “Isn't he great?” She recalled how Larry was actually a member of the Elite Four, on top of a Gym Leader, but didn't want to spoil the surprise. “He's, um... He's tougher than he looks,” she added cheekily, eyes squinting with a smirk.“I've got a sparring match with him tomorrow, jeje. You rolled up right after I'd sealed the deal, and so, well... I just had to spectate!”

“Ugh, you watched that match? Seriously?” Scarlet's gaze drifted sideways, flat and dull as usual as they hugged their knees. “Total shit show. Can't believe I lost...”

Nemona didn't know how to process Scarlet's phrasing. Swear words were so not her thing, too 'unbecoming' or whatever, like Big Sis would say.

Holding a rain-dampened towel in her hands, Nemona awkwardly offered, “I'll, um... get this washed, and return it to you!”

Scarlet's lower lip propped out as they shook their head indifferently, reaching an arm out for it.

“Nah, 's fine.” They took the towel back and shoved into into a wrinkled up grocery bag inside their pack, tying it up tight. As they stuffed the tome they'd been reading into the bag, as well, they asked, “So... Why're you here? Anyway?”

“W-Well, I saw how badly you lost,” Nemona spat out, instantly regretting her phrasing. ('Thank Palkia, they don't seem to mind...') Nemona began fiddling with her largest, green bang, its wet texture slick against her fingertip. “You, erh, looked pretty down on yourself when your left, and... and then you didn't return my call? So, I, umm...-”

“Thought I was upset, or somethin'?” Scarlet said, brow raised. “Tch. As if. Sure, got lil' pissed off when it happened, but, like... Enh.” They shrugged, glancing away from Nemona's intent staring. It made Nemona self conscious that she was looking too hard... Scarlet went on, “Just needed to cool off. Gotta get used to losing at some point, yeah? A loss is still a win, long as ya learn somethin'.” They looked back at Nemona, crossing their legs and crossing their arms. “Now? I've got info on what team he uses. I'll come prepared next time.” The pair of them shared a knowing smirk for a fleeting moment.

Nemona's heart soared at their conclusion. And they'd arrived at it all on their own! Yes, yes! This was exactly the kind of mentality she'd been looking for in a prospective Rival!

Clasping her hands together abreast, Nemona nodded, bobbing up and down once on her toes.

“Totally~! You so get it! Aw, man, just-... Yes. I could-! I could help, y'know? I'm fighting him tomorrow! Haven't had a match with him in like a year or so, but I could analyze his strategy when we battle, and-... and I could so put together a list of ideas to counter him. We could meet up for dinner, maybe? Go over my findings? Put together a plan of attack and stuff!” She pumped her fists. “Augh, Arceus, I'll make sure you destroy him the next time you battle!” She shadowboxed a little in her anticipation. “Like, just, wipe the floor with him!”

By the time Nemona let her over-excited ass come back up for air, she noticed Scarlet was staring, slack-jawed a bit, eyes narrow as ever. She couldn't tell if Scarlet was... interested in this plan, or not...

'Shoot! I'm doing it again, huh...?'

“Tomorrow?” Scarlet replied after a silence that made Nemona feel queasy. “'Mona, we're hanging out today. Met up yesterday, too, for ice cream and stuff? I got... things to do, y'know? Besides the Gym Challenge. Gotta make cash to pay my way n' stuff. Tomorrow, meetin' up with Arven. Gotta help him hunt down the next Titan Pokemon.”

“O-Oh, sure.” Nemona tapped at her cheek, gazing sideways as she made a sheepish offer, desperate to come off as casual. “Tsh, yeah, y'know, I wouldn't mind lending a hand, if you think-” “Nah, we're good. Got it handled.” Oof. Had been worth a shot, anyway...

“Hah. That's my Rival-In-The-Making, for ya.” Nemona swiped a hook at thin air. “Takin' on giant, crazed Pokemon like it's... no big deal.”

“It's kinda not. You'd think it would be, but... Engh,” Scarlet shrugged, trailing off. “And, erh. Between all this Gym training crap, it's... kinda nice to just... spend some time in nature. And whatever.”

“Oh, for sure! Paldea's got so much to offer, doesn't it?” Nemona pumped her elbows down to her hips, trying to keep the mood up.

“It-...” Scarlet blinked off to the side, then back to Nemona. “I mean. 'S got a lotta... hiking trails, I guess... Not even well kept ones, to be honest. With how much money rolls through some o' these towns, you'd think they could at least keep the damn roads functional...” At Scarlet's blunt critique, Nemona felt herself shrink a little bit. She supposed it was easier to see the flaws when you hadn't grown up here. Scarlet kept ranting, “Big surprise, there, not like I couldn't find miles of hiking trails where I came from... Tons of open space, sure, but... nothing much to do in Paldea, huh?” Nemona was feeling dragged down by Scarlet's mood, here, and opted to keep maintaining the optimistic approach.

“Wh-?! Sure, there is! You can battle to your heart's content, for a start!”

“Rrrright. Pick fights with strangers just moping around in the middle of nowhere? I'll pass. Mainly, though, just need to keep finding as much treasure as I can. Don't really care where it comes from. But the stronger my team is, the easier it'll be to find more. So. Yeah.” Scarlet bobbed their head sideways and pinched some water drops from the little tuft of bangs they had.

“Of course!” Nemona encouraged. “So you can graduate some day—fulfill the Treasure Hunt and everything?”

“Uh... Sure.” Something about the way they'd said it made Nemona suspect something else was up. When it came to the Treasure Hunt, they'd get real cagey, though Nemona couldn't figure out what kind of secret they had to hide about it. She knew better than to pry—she'd hate it if Letty was prying into her personal life, after all...

Nemona tried to push things onward, this was giving her such a bad vibe... She felt like something was off but was too scared to draw attention to it. It stung a little, knowing that Scarlet, brand new to Paldea, was already making all these friends and stuff, going off on trips and whatever? Meanwhile, Nemona was so wrapped up with keeping up her grades, maintaining her reputation, handling Student Council business, and training up her multiple teams... She just didn't have, like... people? Individual, specific people, that she wanted to spend time with?

Why and how did Scarlet become this exception to the rule? She just needed to keep spending time with them, regardless. That was all that mattered, really. She wouldn't bother putting much thought into it until she needed to. The excitement, the buzz, that was all she could focus on for now.

“What about the day after tomorrow?” Nemona offered. “To meet up and dish Larry strats. I mean.”

Scarlet's eyes did a weird, uncertain thing, looking at Nemona as if some unspoken rule had been broken somehow. Then Letty shrugged, glancing out at the dissipating rainstorm, not making eye contact.

“Uh, look, Nemona, I'm not sure how long this trek with Arven's gonna take, so... Why don't I just... call you?” They finally looked back with a small smirk. “When I'm ready to rethink Operation: Kick Larry's Normal Ass?”

Nemona burst out a giddy giggle. She loved Scarlet's little 'operation: etc.' bit. Sounded like they'd picked it up from this Cassiopeia person—who Nemona was still way suspicious of... She wished she could insert herself into that mess, help bring Team Star down, and make sure Scarlet didn't get in over their head... But, then again, their loss to Larry besides, Letty was holding their own super well, here, all things considered. Which, naturally, was all the more promising regarding their prospects as a future Rival. “Sounds, uh, sounds good!” Nemona complied, ready to re-tie her hair into a ponytail. Pumping her fists with resolution, she assured, “I'll write up a detailed plan for us to go over when you're ready!”

“Cool,” Scarlet said with a simple nod. Nice! Yes! Nemona was so looking forward to it. People never wanted to dish detailed plans or strats with her...! UGH, this was just the best. Oh, yeah, and the fireworks were about to happen soon! That was a total bonding moment opportunity!

“Can't wait,” Nemona put out there, unable to contain herself. Fluffing out her still drying hair, she wondered, “So, uh... Any word on the fireworks show? You think it's still on?”

“Oh. Good question.” Scarlet checked their Rotomphone. Nemona was in suspense for a few moments. She desperately wanted to experience fireworks together with Letty. It was something special she'd never gotten to share with anyone outside of her family... Letty replied casually, “Huh. Yep, still on.”

“Nice!” Nemona cheered quietly. “It's gonna be awesome, just you wait.”

As Nemona bobbed on her toes with anticipation, Scarlet tucked their phone back away and gazed up at Nemona with a slightly amused, quizzical look.

“Gettin' hungry,” Scarlet said, rubbing their stomach a little as they shoved themselves up. Strapping their pack back on, they summoned their Spidops back into its ball. “Gonna go grab something. Uh... Wanna come with?”

“I'd love to,” Nemona belted out, having hoped they'd offer. “I know you're strapped for cash, so let me cover you!”

“Enh, but you did yesterday when we had lunch...” “It's so not a problem, seriously. 'Sides, you had a rough battle, you deserve a treat to cheer you up!”

Nemona knelt over and extended a hand down to Scarlet.

“Heh...” Scarlet smirked in this timid way at Nemona, a way that Nemona had only ever seen reserved for her. A softness, a vulnerability, was briefly revealed from beneath those rusted shields for irises. Their eye contact lasted just long enough to make them both flustered, until Scarlet at last replied, “Yeah, all right...” Scarlet reached up and gripped Nemona's arm bracer tightly, and Nemona pulled Scarlet up, beaming with giddy warmth. “C'mon, Letty. Let's go!” "Guh-...! Slow... Slow the hell down...!"

[fifthrideroftheapocalypse]

last book i ...

thanks for the tag @lemonlyman-dotcom

idk why im deciding to do this because my book buying habits and my reading habits are so far out of alignment with each other that this will be interesting, i think.

so ...

BOUGHT:

Something Fabulous by Alexis Hall. I really like Alexis Hall. I have not read this yet. Purchased last summer.

BORROWED:

Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Funnily enough, I've bought this book three times, all as gifts, but have never read it. Someone I bought it for let me borrow it so I could read it. But I have not yet.

WAS GIFTED:

This is How You Lose the Time War. Dad called me earlier in the year while he was out of town to tell me he was at the bookstore and wondering what book I wanted as payment for watching the dogs. At first, I was annoyed because I'd rather be paid to watch the dogs but then I remembered this book going viral on twitter so I told him this one. Haven't read.

STARTED:

Mexican Gothic. Literally just started this week. Reading for my work's book club and while that sounds like I have a very good excuse to finish reading it, I have not been able to finish a single book club book since I started participating late last year. Determined for this one, though.

FINISHED:

Glitterland. Again, I really like Alexis Hall. I've read multiple Alexis Hall books. This one I read early last year. I'm not entirely sure it is the last one I finished but I don't think it bodes well that it's the only one I remember finishing recently.

I really liked Glitterland. Pretty easy read. Characters were complicated and amazing. I remember liking it because it touched on heavier themes than some of the other Alexis Hall books I've read.

DIDN’T FINISH:

Delilah Green Doesn't Care. Technically almost every book I've listed can fall under Didn't Finish. But all the ones listed above I started and was really liking and have every intention of going back to them. But Delilah Green Doesn't Care ... yeah, I really wasn't liking this one at all. And I got fairly decently into it. I tried really hard, but something about the writing I wasn't vibing with.

This is probably the last one I really sat down to read with the intention of finishing in like, two days, but I just couldn't do it.

not really sure why I did this but it is more clear to me now how little reading of books I actually do. kinda depressing because I used to read constantly. i buy a lot of books because i always love having them on hand and always want to dive into them. but then i just ... don't. maybe i should do a post of all the books i've started and will one day finish, even if i started them years ago. and then i can make my way through that check list. we'll see.

no pressure tagging: @liminalmemories21 @alrightbuckaroo @paperstorm @rmd-writes @bonheur-cafe

@lightningboltreader @reyesstrand

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

Hii!! I Hope you’re well, rn I’m watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I was a question if u can do a Draco x reader ( fluff) when Draco is going to kill Dumbledore and reader is here bc she wanted to ask a question to Dumbledore. For the rest of the story I trust you im sure u make a great story! Idk if u’re request are opens but I hope u’re understand what I want ( my English is not the best ) !! Bye and have a great day when u read that!

Ps : a happy end !! 💞

After almost half a year I finally finished this one as well, so thank you not only for your request but also for your patience. I feel like I might have screwed up the logic of some events since the scene is really complex and described quite detailed in the books as well as in the movies and I didn´t want to change too much of the plot. Also, I really tried to make the ending as happy as possible, but since the scene itself is quite angsty let´s just say the outcome is the best I could think of without making the story much longer and complicated than necessary. However, I hope you still enjoy this fic and go easy on me, I haven´t written anything in quite a while.

Happily ever after

Warnings: mentions of death / murder

Your eyes darted from the parchment in front of you to the books that were splattered across the table. The assignment about the history of the Cruciatus Curse was due by tomorrow and by now, you had only managed to work yourself through the chronicles until the declaration as unforgivable in 1717. You sighed in resignation as you flicked through the pages of the books, hoping to find anything helpful. But the results of hours of research were more than just disenchanting. Because even though Madame Pince had granted you access to the Restricted Section, details about the forbidden curses were still hard to find. The frown on your face only deepened. Why in Merlin´s name would the Professors give you homework about themes that were that hard to research? You came to the conclusion, that they probably just took pleasure in your misery; especially if said teacher happened to be Professor Snape, who -contrary to your hopes- didn’t go easier with you since he had finally gotten his dream job. Regardless of the Professor´s motives, however, you had to finish the essay, if you didn’t want to earn yourself a month of detention. So you let out a small sigh before you buried yourself deeper into the world of the one curse that made chills run down your spine more than any other.

But your state of concentration didn’t last long. Some loud voices abruptly got you out of your trance-like state. You blinked in irritation. You knew those voices.

“This is absolutely unacceptable! Intolerable!”

You knew immediately that this was the shrill voice of Madame Pince. Probably every student in here had been at some point the victim of her tirades, once she had caught a student doing anything that ­­­-in her eyes- just wasn’t done in a library. And the list of those things was sheer endless.

“I already told you, I have research to do.”

You knew that voice as well. But for now, you couldn’t identify it yet. You frowned as you put down your quill. You knew that you shouldn’t get distracted by that kind of nonsense that easily, but somehow, that conversation was just so much more interesting than the books piling up in front of you.

“About what?”

“I don’t think that´s any of your business.”

While you heard Madame Pince gasping for air, while she tried to process what the boy had just said to her in her sacred halls, something in your head clicked, increasing your curiosity. Because there was only one student you knew who would dare to talk to elders and betters like that. Silently, you got up from your chair and sneaked to the next shelf, glancing around the corner carefully.

Madame Pince had turned her back on you, so you couldn´t see her face, but what you could see was that her shoulders were shaking from anger. The blond boy who had caused her furious state was standing right in front of her, towering the elder woman for several centimetres. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest and the look on his face seemed rather unimpressed; almost bored.

“Get out!”, Madame Pince spat out.

“I don’t think you are in the position to tell me what to do.”

“I am not… This is the library, young man. My library. And as long as you are in here, I am the only one to tell you what and what not to do.”

“Oh yeah? Well, go ahead then. I am really curious what you want to do about it. Because I certainly won´t leave before my research is done.”

There was a dangerousness in the boy´s voice that send shivers down your spine. And not in the way his presence usually did. Something felt off about this. As if something bad was about to happen if the situation wouldn´t calm down any time soon. And you certainly didn’t want to find out what exactly this thing would be.

So you took a deep breath and -just as Madame Pince was about to answer- stepped out of the shadows of the shelves and walked up to the two squabblers with the sweetest smile on your face.

“Excuse me, Madame Pince. I didn’t mean to interrupt your discussion, but I think Draco is here for the same reason I am. You know, the essay for Professor Snape. We have to finish it until tomorrow and I…”

“Very well Mrs (Y/l/n), but I didn’t ask for your interference. I think Mr Malfoy can very well speak for himself as we all have just heard.”

You tried to widen your smile even more and looked at the librarian with doe eyes.

“I´m sorry Madame Pince. I just wanted to help out.”

The witch looked at you with narrowed eyes, her lips pursed. Then her gaze shifted to the Slytherin in front of her, who looked at the two of you with an indefinable look on his face.

“Is that the reason you wanted to get in here, Mr Malfoy?”, Madame Pince asked, her eyes piercing the blond boy.

He just nodded and mumbled something incomprehensible about Professor Snape and his research. The gaze of the librarian shifted between him and you, scanning you as if she could see all the way to the bottom of your soul. Even though you were aware of the fact that you had done nothing wrong, you still felt your hands getting sweaty and you gulped heavily as you tried to withstand her glare without lowering your head.

Finally, Madame Pince nodded slowly.

“Two more hours. Then I will lock this section up again. And Mr Malfoy” She glared at the Slytherin, who did a much better job in returning her gaze than you had done before. “The next time you will tell me about your projects yourself. Or I granted you access to this section for the longest time.”

Then the librarian turned on her heel, not without shooting you one last warning glance, and strutted down the aisle soundlessly, her eagle eyes probably already looking for her next victim.

When Madame Pince was finally out of sight, you turned around to the blond boy, who had remained rooted in his spot, glaring at you, offering him a small smile that you didn’t expect him to return, before you got back to your desk again, letting yourself fall onto your chair.

When not even two minutes later, you heard some footsteps behind you, you couldn’t help the small smile that crept on your face. Finally, the steps came to a halt right next to you. You didn’t even need to look up to know who was standing there. Even if you wouldn’t have saved him only minutes ago, you would have done so. By now, you recognized the sound of his steps as well as the smell of his cologne.

“Care to join me?”, you asked without tearing your gaze from the book in front of you, even though you hadn’t even read a single sentence of the pages.

A small huff escaped the boy´s lips before you felt his presence departing. Only when you heard the creaking of the chair on the opposite side of the table, you glanced up again, a small smile still playing around your lips. As your eyes met the grey ones of your counterpart, a few seconds passed, before finally one corner of the blond boy´s lips twitched upwards, not enough to actually return your smile, but enough that you knew very well he acknowledged it.

You shoved the book to the side, mirroring the behaviour of the boy in front of you, leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“What? Got nothing to say?”, you asked.

Silence.

You sighed.

“Oh hey, (Y/n). Thanks for helping me out with Madame Pince. Because she probably would have kicked me out if it wasn’t for you, because I behaved like a complete idiot.”, you said in a sarcastic voice, as you rolled your eyes.

You could see the amusement glistening in the boy´s eyes as he raised an eyebrow.

“Why would I have to say something if you already think you know what´s going on (Y/l/n)?”, he smirked.

As soon as he had broken the silence between the two of you, you could feel the tension that had been hovering above you like a dark cloud ease and you felt yourself melting into your chair, while your counterpart did just the same.

The relationship Draco Malfoy and you had was strange. You wouldn’t say the two of you were friends -probably far from it-, still, in comparison to how Draco treated most of his other classmates, the two of you got along very well. You weren’t quite sure why, but ever since you had been paired up with one another in your very first year at Hogwarts, there was something like an unspoken tie between the two of you. You regularly paired up in your classes and often met up afterwards to study together. And even though you justified the time you spend with Draco with the fact that he was a brilliant student and every task you started with him was granted to be a success, deep down, you knew that it was more than that. Because in the Slytherin´s company, you found a strange kind of comfort that confused you yet made you long for more. And even though you had never talked about it -you barely talked about anything but your classes at all- you sometimes suspected that Draco might feel the same about you. Or at least that´s what you were hoping for. You didn’t know what it was but whenever you spend your afternoons in the library alongside Draco, while studying silently or getting all worked up in preparation for the next class, you experienced a sense of home, you had never felt when you were with someone else. He made you feel safe and his special kind of humour made you -if he wasn’t insulting everyone around him for once- laugh every single time.

“So am I right about it?”, you responded, mirroring the slightly haughty look on Draco´s face.

The boy sighed.

“If you weren’t – could I convince you otherwise?”

“I highly doubt that.”, you chuckled.

“That´s what I thought. But unfortunately, all your brilliance won´t help you the slightest if you won´t bring it to paper.”, Draco answered, as he glanced at the paper in front of you, fully aware that what you had written wouldn’t satisfy Professor Snape the slightest yet.

“I would have made much more progress by now if someone”, you glared at the Slytherin in front of you, “wouldn’t have felt the need to yell at the librarian.”

You noticed Draco´s grin falling from his face immediately as he ducked his gaze.

You frowned. This kind of behaviour wasn’t unusual for Draco in the last few weeks. Ever since the new school year had started, he was acting rather strange. He seemed to be absent-minded most of the time and was roaming around the castle with a look on his face that made you suspect that he was up to no good. Also, he was much more thin-skinned than ever. A year ago, you wouldn’t have suspected Draco talking to the staff at Hogwarts in the way he had just done to Madame Pince. He had always been rude towards people he considered below his dignity, but always clever enough to not provoke people who were higher up the food chain than he was. But since you had become a sixth grader, Draco didn’t seem to care as much about his reputation or the consequences of his behaviour anymore. You couldn’t exactly blame him though. You knew his father, who Draco had always seemed to be quite close to, had been sentenced to Azkaban, which obviously dragged on the boy´s nerves. However, you felt like there was more than met the eye to his behaviour, even though you couldn’t quite grasp it yet. And even though you couldn’t help but wonder about his strange behaviour, you had always told yourself that this was none of your business. But now that you saw Draco zoning out once more, his hands anxiously fiddling around with the tie around his neck, you couldn’t help but worry about the boy in front of you that somehow looked so different from the one who had taken his place in front of you only minutes ago, teasing you about your own behaviour.

“Are you… is everything okay?”, you asked carefully, scared that by asking this you might overstep the invisible boundary that the two of you had drawn in your relationship, that you had so often been tempted to overstep, but had never dared to, worried that this might shatter the fragile bond between you and the boy irreversibly.

But Draco didn’t even seem to hear you. He was still staring into the void, caught up in his own thoughts.

You hesitated for a moment before you called him out once more: “Draco? Did you hear me?”

As if he snapped out of a trance, Draco stared at you with widened eyes. For a moment, you thought you could see his gaze soften as he looked at you, seeing how you knit your brows in concern, trying to get at least the slightest idea of what was going on inside his head.

But the moment passed and the gentle confusion on his face gave place to the usual mask he was wearing when he didn’t want people to know what he was thinking.

“I think you´ll have enough problems on your own if you keep on chattering instead of finishing your paper (Y/l/n).”, Draco answered in his usual arrogant voice, even though he wasn’t able to withstand your gaze as long as usual.

“I didn´t… Just wanted to check on you.”, you mumbled, as you felt your cheeks heating up. What in Merlin´s name were you thinking?

“That´s not your job, you know? I mean, it´s not like we're best friends or something. Braiding each other’s hair and sharing all our secrets. We´re studying together because we know we can benefit from one another since apparently, we are the only ones with a decent amount of intelligence. That´s all there is, isn’t it?” If you wouldn’t have known Draco for such a long time, you would have thought that there was a pleading look in his eyes, silently begging you to contradict. To tell him that there was more to your relationship than the fact that your grades benefited from it.

But Draco Malfoy wasn’t one to beg for anything. Neither was he one who would tolerate it if one would disagree with him.

So you just nodded and pulled the book you had shoved to the side closer again.

“Then we should start working again now, shouldn’t we? I can give you the notes I made on the essay if you want me to.”, you said, forcing yourself to smile at the Slytherin as you tried to ignore the stinging in your heart you had felt at his words.

Draco blinked and looked at you in confusion.

“The essay?”

You frowned.

“The essay for Professor Snape. About the Crutiatus Curse? That´s why you wanted to get in here, didn’t you?”

Draco hesitated for a moment, his eyes flickering to the parts of the section that were lying in deep shadows, the parts, you didn’t dare to go and those Madame Pince had vigorously forbidden you to go to, before he looked back at you and gave you a short nod.

“Obviously it was. Wouldn’t have any other reason to get here, would I?”

You just nodded, before you shoved some of your notes over to Draco who gave you a thankful nod.

And for the rest of the evening, the two of you worked silently side by side, while you ignored Draco´s gaze lingering on you most of the time, just like he ignored the worried glances you threw him from time to time, as you wondered what was going on inside the blond boy´s head and why -if all you were were classmates- you still cared so much about it.

And over the next weeks, your worries only increased. Draco barely ever showed up to your study sessions and even in the lessons you shared with him, he was often missing. And if he joined you once, he would be absent-minded and make stupid mistakes, even though you knew he could do better. His grades obviously suffered under his strange behaviour but while the Draco you had known for several years, had always been anxious to be on top of the class, by now he didn’t seem to care at all. But not only his weird behaviour made you suspect that something was off more than ever. Draco also didn’t look as well as usual. It wasn’t like he wasn’t handsome and for some reason absolutely stupidly attractive anymore, but you could see the marks the changes in his life had left on him. His pale skin looked almost translucent, and his cheeks sunken. There were dark circles under his grey eyes, and while you had often secretly admired the silvery childish sparkle, he had held within them, by now they looked apathetically as they flickered through the room as if he was expecting a threat coming up to him any second, while his hands fiddled on the rings covering them the entire time.

By now, in the study sessions with Draco, he made you almost lose your mind. Because you were dying to know what was going on with the boy, but whenever you brought up the topic even the slightest, the Slytherin brushed you off in a rude way. Plus, while on the one hand you somehow still enjoyed spending time with Draco and were -regardless of his behaviour- under the impression that he might do so the same from time to time, on the other hand, you barely made any progress when you were working with Draco, and especially that shortly before the final exams, you couldn’t allow your grades to drop as well. But while most of the other people would by now probably have given Draco up, this only fuelled your determination to make not only yourself but also Draco pass the exams at the end of this school year. And from time to time, your volition seemed to pay off, because sometimes -even though it happened rarely- Draco seemed to be able to forget whatever was troubling him these days and was finally able to relax again, sometimes even breaking you a small smile that never failed to make your heartbeat quicken as you would return his smile without thinking about it twice. And whenever he did so you swore to yourself that, as soon as the exams would be over, you would dedicate your entire attention to helping Draco deal with whatever troubled him – whether he wanted you to or not.

You sighed in resignation as you looked at the pile of notes in front of you. The upcoming N.E.W.T exams stressed you out even more, now that they were just around the corner. Once more, it was Defence Against the Dark Arts, you struggled with the most. Not because you didn’t understand the tasks, but because whenever you thought you had finally understood the issue, ten other questions popped up in your head again, leaving you even more confused than you had been before. That wasn’t unusual to you, but in the other classes, your teachers were happy to answer every single one of your questions patiently until you were finally contented. Professor Snape however wasn’t exactly delighted whenever you would come up to him with yet another question and by now he had threatened you to dock some points from your house if you would ever do so again. And you had no doubt that the teacher would actually do so, so you tried to keep all your questions to yourself. But whenever you did so, your head felt as if it was going to explode any second, making you feel, like you didn’t even understand the essentials.

But suddenly, another idea came to your mind. Over the last few weeks, there had been another Professor who had, when he had noticed how much you were struggling in this class, sat down with you and patiently answered all the questions you had, no matter how long it took. And Professor Dumbledore certainly knew everything about the class he once used to teach himself, even though by now, this was decades ago. Plus, he always seemed to be delighted by your unquenchable thirst for knowledge, happily answering every single of your questions in as much detail as you wished for.

You had halfway gotten off your chair already when you stopped and took a look at your watch. It was already late at night, far after curfew. You knew that Professor Dumbledore wouldn’t hold it against you if you would be out of bed that late, fully understanding the pressure that was on you shortly before your exams. However, if one of the other teachers -or even worse Filch- would catch you, you would most likely get in trouble. But then again you knew that you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep before at least some of your questions would be answered and after all – if the headmaster wouldn’t mind it if you would pay him a visit, how could the other teachers do so?

So you grabbed a parchment and a quill and made your way out of the common room and to Dumbledore´s office.

When you had finally gotten to the office without any incidents, you came to a halt in front of the ugly gargoyle, that guarded the entrance. It had its eyes closed and seemed to be asleep already. Nervously, you shifted from one foot to the other before you cleared your throat. The gargoyle lazily opened its eyes and stared at you.

“I… I´m sorry to wake you up, but I would like to talk to Professor Dumbledore.”

A few seconds passed while the stone figure just eyed you. Then finally, it opened its mouth and spoke in a heavy voice: “The Headmaster isn´t here.”

You nodded.

“Okay and… Do you know where I can find him?”

Once more the gargoyle took its time to answer.

“Astronomy Tower.”, it said, before it closed its eyes again, and froze in its movement.

“Well, thanks then.”, you mumbled, before you turned around on your heel and walked towards the Astronomy Tower.

You weren’t quite sure what it was, but while you walked down the empty corridors of the castle, something felt different than usual. You felt shivers running down your spine as your steps echoed through the castle far too loud at the deathly silence that surrounded you.

But even though you felt as if your steps could be heard in the entire castle, no one showed up to see if everything was in order. It felt like no one was in the castle but you. Obviously, you knew that this wasn’t the case. Most people were simply asleep by now and Filch was probably somewhere on the other side of the castle. And even though you were aware of that fact, just as much as you were aware that the castle was just the same as hours ago when the sun hadn’t set already and there were still loads of students running around in the hallways, you felt like you had dived into a different dimension; one where it was important -maybe even lifesaving- to keep a close eye on your surroundings. And so you did as your steps got faster, aspiring to finally reach your destination.

When you had almost reached the Astronomy Tower, you suddenly heard a loud bang, followed by screams. You turned around quickly, turning your head to all sides. You could feel your heart pumping inside your chest quickly as you eavesdropped into the silence. You could still hear some voices, but they all sounded muffled. You took a deep breath and tried to calm down again. Probably some other students were still out of bed as well and had been caught by one of the Professors or someone had made fun of scaring their friends. But whatever it was, it still sounded far away.

You got a grip on yourself again as you accelerated your steps and hurried up the steps of the Astronomy Tower.

When you stopped in front of the wooden door that was the entrance to the platform you suspected the headmaster was on, you were panting. You took a few moments to catch your breath again, not willing to be a stuttering mess in front of the Professor. But when you finally raised your hand to knock on the door, you froze. For some reason, you had assumed that Professor Dumbledore would be up here on his own, but behind the door, you could hear some voices, even though you couldn’t understand what they were saying.

You hesitated. You didn’t know who the Professor was up here with, but given the time and place of the meeting, you assumed that they wanted to be undisturbed. And even though Dumbledore had already helped you out several times before, you highly doubted that he would be delighted if you would interrupt an important meeting with your stupid little questions. On the other hand, you also didn’t want to get back down there, since the strange feeling in your gut only grew stronger with every second and every fibre of your body was screaming at you not to leave yet. Following a strong intuition, you weren’t quite sure where you had gotten it from, you took a deep breath once more and knocked on the door.

When you pushed the door open, a greenish shimmer fell through the crack in the door. A shiver ran down your spine. You blamed the cold air of the night, tried to ignore the nagging feeling in your stomach, as you opened the door completely and took a step on the platform.

“Professor Dumbledore?” Your voice sounded a bit shaky. You straightened your back as you took another step forwards. “Professor? I´m sorry to interrupt. I know it´s already late but I have some questions regarding the…”

You stopped in the middle of the sentence. Because the person who was staring at you with widened eyes wasn’t Professor Dumbledore.

“Draco? What are you…”

Once more you interrupted yourself mid-sentence, as you finally took in the entire scene.

Draco had frozen in place as he had noticed you. His head had turned in your direction, his eyes were fixed on you. He seemed to have completely forgotten where he was or what he had been about to do before you had disturbed him. Because only moments before his attention seemed to be on someone else. Your eyes wandered down Draco´s extended arm, his hand that was clenched around his wand, as it shook vigorously. Your gaze followed the imaginary line you drew from Draco´s arm and finally settled on the second person that was on the platform.

The gargoyle had been right. Professor Dumbledore was up here indeed. He leaned against the barrier of the platform, his body slightly sunken down as his hands clenched around the parapet, trying to keep himself up, his eyes were halfway closed. But while this picture of your headmaster itself would have already been concerning enough in any other situation, right now, you barely even noticed it. Because as soon as you had taken in the entire situation, your eyes darted back at Draco´s wand that was aimed at the Professor´s chest.

“What in Salazar´s name are you doing here?” Draco´s voice sounded strange and hollow, almost like it wasn’t his, even though he tried to stride his usual arrogant tone. But you could hear his voice shaking just like the rest of his body did.

“I was… I just wanted to…”, you stuttered. “Forget this, what are you doing here?”

You stared at Draco who had by now lowered his wand by a few centimetres, even though it was still pointing at your headmaster.

For a moment, Draco looked as if he asked himself the very same question, but in the next, he straightened his back and looked at you coldly.

“That´s none of your business, (Y/l/n). Just leave and… forget what you´ve seen here.”

You looked at Draco in disbelief. Draco wasn’t stupid by all means, but even if he would have been he couldn’t actually think for the split of a second that you could ever forget the scene in front of you. Especially as long as you didn’t know yet what exactly was going on.

“You can´t seriously think that I would leave you like this, can you?” You stared at Draco, who had some difficulty to withstand your glare. “So tell me, what is this all about.”

When Draco didn’t answer, you turned around to the Professor, still leaning against the barrier.

“Professor?”, you asked, in a much more quiet voice now. “Professor, could you tell me… Would you mind explaining to me what is going on here?"

For a moment, you thought that Dumbledore hadn’t even heard you, but then, without even opening his eyes, he said: “Oh, young Mr Malfoy and I are just having a talk about his future prospects.”

Even though his voice was weak, and Dumbledore wasn’t looking fine at all, he still managed to strike his usual chatty tone. Draco turned his head, looking at the Professor flabbergasted, confirming your suspicion that this wasn’t the entire truth. But right now, you couldn’t quite tell if Professor Dumbledore was just joking, lying to you or in such a bad constitution, that he simply wasn’t able to think straight anymore.

“Professor… Are you… Are you alright?”, you asked carefully as you eyed the headmaster. “Should I get someone? Maybe Madame Pomfrey or…”

“I really appreciate your concern Mrs (Y/l/n), but I don’t think we should involve more people than necessary in this little encounter.”

“Are you telling me to leave or…”

“I fear that this isn’t advisable, is it?”, Professor Dumbledore said. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at Draco whose gaze flickered between you and the Professor in short distances. “If I am informed correctly, some Death Eaters have gained excess to the castle ground and even though I am positive that the members of the Order of the Phoenix will be able to cope with this inconvenience, I don’t want one of my students to bump into them.”

The professor smiled at you as if he had just told you about the arrival of an unbeloved cousin at a family gathering. You looked at him with widened eyes.

“Death Eaters? But Professor you have to.. we have to… I mean, what happened? How did they get in here? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“A very interesting story indeed. But I´m afraid we won´t have enough time to discuss the details of it right now.”

“So what do you want me to do, Professor? Please tell me.” Your voice sounded pleadingly as you looked at the headmaster who looked so different from how you used to know him. Professor Dumbledore had always appeared strong and confident, solid as a rock, but right now he looked so fragile. For the very first time, you didn’t see the powerful wizard, but the old man Dumbledore was as well.

Suddenly, the muffled sounds that were nearly drowned by the howling of the wind on the platform got louder and louder. By now you could recognize the screams and sounds of explosions as the combat sounds they were. Professor Dumbledore closed his eyes again and sighed heavily.

“I don´t think I can take the responsibility of sending one of my students down there to fight. So even though the atmosphere up here is a little tense right now, I suggest that you stay until we…”

“She can´t stay!”, Draco interrupted the headmaster forcefully. “She has to leave. I still have to obey the wishes of the Dark Lord and…” His voice broke, but still, Draco raised his wand again, pointing directly at Dumbledore´s chest.

Your thoughts were racing. Logically, you had a slight suspicion of what was going on here, yet your heart was screaming at you that this just couldn’t be true.

“Do you really want to send your friend down there, Draco?”, Dumbledore asked, as if he was actually interested in the boy´s opinion on this debate.

“She isn’t my friend.”, Draco spit out.

Even though there were many many more important things right now, you could feel your heart stinging at his words. You knew you weren’t, yet, having him saying this still hurt you.

“My mistake.”, Dumbledore said, with a faint smile on his lips. “I always assumed the two of you would get along very well.”

That´s what you had assumed as well. But once more, you were proven wrong.

Draco didn’t answer, as his gaze flickered from the Professor to you. He hesitated for a moment before he shook his head slightly.

“She can´t stay.” He locked his eyes with yours. There was a determination in his eyes you had barely ever seen before. “You can´t stay.”

“Seems like a stalemate then, doesn’t it?”, you answered.

“No, you don’t understand…”

“Exactly. I don’t understand. So better tell me what´s going on. What is this all about?”

Your voice sounded desperate, but you didn’t care. Because that´s what you were. You were desperate to know what was going on here, desperate for Draco to assure you that what was happening here wasn’t what it looked like. To assure you that the hushed rumours you had overheard in the hallways of the castle but never paid close attention to weren’t true.

“(Y/n), listen.” Even if Draco wouldn’t have had your attention before, by now he would definitely have had it. Because for the very first time he called you by your first name. It was a small detail, foolish to even pay attention to, but you just couldn’t help but notice. “This is about so much more than you can imagine right now. You have to get away from here. It´s dangerous and I can´t…”

Suddenly, some heavy steps rumbled up the stairs. You didn’t even know what was happening as you were pushed aside by an invisible force, as Dumbledore´s wandless magic pushed you into a corner and hid you behind some supplies used for the Astronomy classes. And before you could even protest, the door crashed open and some dark figures stormed onto the platform.

You remained frozen in place, trying to process everything that had happened within the last minutes, as well as the things that were still going on right in front of you. Your head was spinning, but through the haze of your mind, you caught up on some fragments of the conversation, enough to slowly put the pieces together. And as you carefully glanced around the corner, your suspicion was confirmed.

The people who had gained access to the tower were wearing dark cloaks; Death Eaters as you concluded. One of them you even recognized from the wanted posters, warning vividly against the werewolf with a strong affinity for children. Chills ran down your spine as you saw Greyback blacking his foul teeth, even more, when he took a step closer to Draco. But even though the blond Slytherin looked at the werewolf anxiously and firmly denied having knowledge of the fact that he would get into the castle tonight as well, the scene in front of you made one thing very clear. The way the four figures were talking to Draco, the fact that they hadn’t killed him yet and the fact that Draco´s wand still pointed at Professor Dumbledore´s chest, confirmed your worst fear. He was one of them. Draco Malfoy was indeed a Death Eater – or at least a confidant of them. You had known something had been off with the boy within the last months and you had known about the stories other people had told you about him, yet you had never fully believed it. How could the boy, you had spent so many hours with, had managed so many challenges with -and most importantly the boy who had been able to make you forget the rest of the world and just feel safe in his presence-; how could that boy had actually turned to the dark side? You bit your tongue until you could taste the metallic flavour of your own blood, as your thoughts were racing.

But now wasn’t the time to get distracted by the aching in your heart, when you thought about all your hopes and dreams regarding Draco splattering right in front of you. You had to shove aside all the memories of what had happened in the past and thoughts about what could have happened in the future and get your head straight again. Because what mattered the most now was the fact, that Professor Dumbledore was in grave danger – regardless of whether Draco would actually be able to fulfil the wishes of You-know-who or not. You tried to take a deep breath to stop your heart from beating way too fast and to prevent your hands from shaking. Centimetre for centimetre, your hand wandered to the pocket you kept your wand in, mentally preparing yourself to grab it immediately if any of the Death Eaters would actually try to attack Dumbledore. Deep down you knew you wouldn’t stand a chance against all four -no, five- of them, and you also knew that Dumbledore wouldn’t want any of his students to put their own lives in danger to save him; but what kind of human would you be if you wouldn’t even try? And maybe -just maybe- the Professor and you would stand a chance against the others. Dumbledore was obviously weakened, but he was still one of the most powerful wizards in the world. Plus, you had a moment of surprise on your side. And also, against all the odds, you still silently hoped that Draco might help you, once he realized you stood a chance. Or that he at least wouldn’t fight you. You vividly remembered the shock on his face when he had realized what you had gotten yourself into. How worried he had been about you, not wanting to get you hurt. At that moment, you had been sure that he actually cared about you – maybe more than you had ever thought he would and so much more than he had ever admitted. And if he only cared about you the slightest, he wouldn’t fight against you, would he? But then again, could you actually compete with the longstanding influence Draco had been under for his entire life, forcing him into thinking that whatever these people were up to right now was the right thing? You would most likely find it out soon because the situation on the platform grew more and more intense. Your hand was only centimetres away from your wand, your fingertips almost touching it. You were ready to fight. Ready to defend the Professor and…

Suddenly another person entered the platform. As he stepped out of the shadows, you breathed out in relief. Even though Professor Snape for sure wasn’t one of your favourite professors, you knew that he was loyal to Dumbledore. Maybe everything would be fine after all.

But while you just were about to relax again slightly, everything happened all at once; way too fast for you to process, yet you felt like time went by in slow motion. One of the cloaked figures approached the Professor, telling him Draco apparently wasn’t capable of executing the sheer impossible. As your eyes shifted to said boy, you could see the forlorn look in his eyes, as he looked at his favourite Professor, as if he was hoping he would be able to take this burden off his shoulders. But if Draco was hoping that Professor Snape would be able to help him and the Death Eaters didn’t attack him but talked to him like an old friend, didn’t that mean that…

But at the very same time, someone else spoke up, his voice weak and pleading, a sound that made shivers run down your spine, as Dumbledore looked up to his confidant and whispered: “Severus.”

Professor Snape´s cold eyes landed on the headmaster still leaning against the parapet. And for the first time since you had known him, the emotions the potions master felt were clearly written on his face, which was distorted to a mask of hate and disgust, as he shoved Draco to the side, who stumbled backwards, finally dropping his wand. The Death Eaters stumbled back as well, all eyes fixed on the Professor, as he came to a halt in front of Professor Dumbledore.

“Severus…”, Dumbledore´s eyes flickered through the room for a moment, coming to a halt on everyone on the platform, then a bit longer at a blank spot near the door, before they landed back on the Professor. “Please.”

As Professor Snape raised his wand, his hand was calm, as well as his voice, when he voiced the words: “Avada Kedavra.”

A green light flashed through the room, the flash hitting Dumbledore right in his chest. You saw the headmaster´s expression changing to a look of something that -in any other situation- you would have described as curiosity or maybe even pleasant surprise. But you couldn’t be sure, because it only lasted for a second, before the force of the lightning that had strutted him, made the Professor stumble backwards, until his back hit the barrier, making him lose his balance and tip over backwards. And the last thing you could see was a sparkling of his crescent-shaped glasses before the void of the night swallowed the professor.

The scream of terror was barely muffled by your hands pressed in front of your mouth. The Death Eaters however didn’t hear it, since it got lost in the sound of their laughing and cheering. Draco however seemed to have heard it, because while he had watched the entire scene with widened eyes and frozen in place, he now turned around, his eyes landing on you, as you remained pressed to the wall behind you, hands still covering your face, your eyes probably just as widened in horror as Draco´s. Time slowed down as the two of you just stared at each other and you felt a strange calmness washing over you, given the fact that he would most likely kill you on the spot after what you had just witnessed or at least tell one of his new found friends to do so.

But nothing like that ever happened. Draco just kept on looking at you, as if he was just as hypnotized by you as you were by him. Only when Professor Snape turned around on his heel, walking up to Draco, grabbing him by his neck, trying to force him through the door, Draco swayed slightly but didn’t react any further. And when Snape´s gaze followed Draco´s and his cold gaze finally settled on you, you knew you were screwed.

Your professor stared at you, his gaze by now as unfazed again as it usually was. By no means anyone who would look at him now would have guessed that this man had just murdered someone not even a minute ago. And you would be his next victim. Because if Snape was capable of murdering the headmaster, who was -no, had been- not only one of the greatest wizards of all times but also one of the people who you had always thought was the closest to the Professor; what would he then do to one of his students he barely knew and probably didn’t even like that much? You let your arms sink down slowly, ready to grab your wand and fight. You most likely wouldn’t be able to fight your way out, probably wouldn’t even be able to take down just one of them, but you knew you owned it Professor Dumbledore to at least try and fight and maybe even scar his murderer for life.

So you continued staring at the Professor, ready to defend at least his first attack. But then, Professor Snape turned around to Draco and looked at him vividly.

“We have to leave.”

Draco didn’t answer.

“Do you hear me? We leave. Now!”

When the boy still didn’t react, Snape tried to shove him out of the room, but Draco shook his arm off, his gaze still fixed on you. Snape´s gaze flickered from the boy over to you, and back to him. Then, he leant down, whispering something into Draco´s ear, who just nodded, never taking his eyes off you.

Snape turned around to the Death Eaters, who were too occupied celebrating their victory to notice what was still going on on the platform.

“Let´s get out here.”, he said, making sure all of them obeyed and had left the platform before he went through the door as well, shooting Draco one last glance, before he went down the stairs.

You remained frozen in your spot; just as well as Draco. A few seconds passed before Draco finally opened his mouth.

But before the first word could even leave his lips, suddenly you heard a strange noise on the other side of the platform. You turned your head, your hand grabbing your wand, ready to defend yourself, as Draco did just the same. Perplexed you watched, how all of the sudden, Harry Potter appeared in the corner of the room, not even shooting Draco or you a single glance before he sprinted through the door. And as he flew down the stairs you could hear how his voice was filled with just as much anger as pain as he shouted: “Snape!”

For a moment your eyes remained glued to the empty door Harry had left behind, as he had taken the chase, but then you suddenly remembered that you weren’t on your own yet. You quickly turned around to Draco, who, as he heard the small noise of your shoes on the floor, turned around again as well, as he looked at you almost confused. The boy still looked terrified, but as he saw you standing there, your back still pressed against the wall, panting, eyes widened in terror and a tight grip around your wand, his gaze softened slightly.

“(Y/n), I…”, he spoke up, taking a step towards you, but you just pressed into the wall behind you further, raising your wand.

“Don’t come closer.”, you whispered as you eyed him distrustfully. Because even though there was a small voice in your heart that was telling you that Draco would never hurt you, the facts definitely told you differently. The fact that the boy who had been about to murder someone only minutes ago and apparently was working together with the worst wizard of all time was now looking at you almost caringly and his voice sounded as soft as you had never heard it before, made him not seem like a classmate or even friend who cared about you, but more like a psychotic maniac. And the fact that he still had his wand raised, didn’t make the entire situation better.

“(Y/n), please let me…”

“No!”, you cut him off again. “Don’t come closer to me or I swear to Merlin, I´ll kill you.”

Draco gulped heavily.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Better you than me.”

But deep down you knew that Draco was right. You weren’t a murderer. You weren’t capable of taking a life, especially one that you had been stupid enough to care about so much and a part of you still did care about. But still, you wouldn’t be foolish enough to let down your guard, making it even easier for Draco to take you down.

“I won´t hurt you. I… I couldn’t.”, he added in a low voice.

You didn’t answer, your eyes flickering down to his hand still clenched around his wand. You almost laughed. It was just ironic that the boy who was pointing his wand at you after you had seen what he was capable of was now trying to calm you down. How were you supposed to believe him?

And Draco seemed to realize this as well, because as his gaze followed yours, he quickly lowered his wand, before he tucked it away tightly, in a way that would make it hard for him to reach it fast enough to attack your surprisingly, but which would it also make it harder for him to defend himself if you should decide to attack him.

“Please… I can explain this. It´s not…”

“Oh, don’t tell me it´s not what it looks like. And there´s no need to explain anything. I think I already understand very well.”

“No, I swear to Salazar, you don’t.”

“Oh, so you didn’t sneak up here to…”, Your voice threatened to break as the pictures of the last moments of your headmaster flashed in front of your inner eye. You closed them for a moment, trying to get rid of the memories before you continued: “To kill him for your boss? And you didn’t help your Death Eater friends to get in here and help you? You didn’t willingly take the risk of your schoolmates -your actual friends- getting hurt, just because you´re not a man enough to do something like that on your own?”

“I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.” Draco´s voice sounded weak.

You laughed bitterly.

“So you thought they´d just knock on the door nicely?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

"You always have a choice. We all do. But you are just too selfish to understand what it means to care for other people and to take the risk to…”

“He would have killed my family!”, Draco interrupted you vigorously. For the first time when he looked at you, you didn’t only see sorrow in his eyes, but defiance. “He told me he would kill everyone I love, starting with my mother. And as soon as he would have taken it over, he would get my father out of Azkaban and kill him as well. And then he would come here and end it with all of my friends, so don’t you dare to tell me that I´m selfish.”

You looked at the boy, mouth slightly agape. And as you saw him standing there, panting heavily, with a wild look in his eyes, you couldn’t help but for some reason believe him.

“But why… why didn’t you just ask for help?”, you asked, by now not nearly as furious as you had been a minute ago.

Draco let out a bitter laugh.

“Who do you think I could have asked? The old man?” He nodded in the direction of the barrier where Dumbledore had stood just before the betrayal by one of his narrowest confidants. His face looked hard as he said those words, yet his voice shook slightly as he mentioned your headmaster. “He didn’t even understand that Professor Snape had fooled him for years. Do you really think he would have been able to protect me and everyone else?” Draco shook his head. “I had to rely on myself with this. I might have had a choice (Y/n), but the price was too high to pay. Don’t tell me you would have done it any other way.”

You remained silent, not able to disagree with Draco. The mere thought of someone threatening to kill your family and all your friends was enough to make chills run down your spine. If the threat would be credible enough -and you had no doubt that You-know-who was an expert in this- you probably would have acted in the same way as Draco had done. To judge him for his actions wasn’t on you for sure. Also, in the end, Draco hadn’t been capable of fulfilling the wishes of his master and actually murder the professor. And probably not only because Snape pre-empted him. Draco had had plenty of time to kill the headmaster on his own, but he hadn’t done so. Even when the Death Eaters had come up here, he still hadn’t taken the wheel and had even lowered his wand – or at least that´s what you thought you had seen.

You took a deep breath and looked at Draco. By now he had buried his hands deep in his pockets and looked at you in a challenging way, yet he looked as if he was afraid of your next actions. Because in the end, now everything was on you. In the end, he was up to your mercy. If he actually wouldn’t hurt you, it would be on you to decide what you would tell the people down in the castle, who would most likely show up here any second, at least those of them who didn’t took the chase with the Death Eaters, or if you might forget some certain details that might bring Draco into a position that would be rather difficult to explain.

But to make a final decision, you needed to know one last thing. You took a step closer to Draco, who had by now lowered his gaze but glanced up at you shyly as he heard your steps.

“Would you… Could you have done it? Could you have killed him?”, you asked in a low voice.

Draco hesitated for a moment, before he shrugged his shoulders, avoiding your gaze. But this wasn’t an answer that would satisfy you and the Slytherin seemed to realize it too, because a few more moments passed before he sighed. When he spoke up again, his voice sounded more vulnerable than you had ever heard it.

“I am not a murderer.” He shook his head slightly yet determined. “I am not.”

And even though he hadn’t answered your question directly, it still was everything you needed to know.

You nodded and relaxed your tensed shoulders slightly.

“Then we should probably get down there and tell everyone what happened.”

Draco gulped heavily, but he didn’t contradict.

“We will tell them how some Death Eaters found their way into the castle and how they outnumbered Professor Dumbledore and how Professor Snape... How Professor Snape betrayed him and… and murdered him. And how they left together and how all we could do was watch.”

Draco´s gaze shot up and he looked at you with widened eyes.

“But that´s… (Y/n), that´s not what happened. You know that just as well as me.”

As you looked at the boy in front of you, all the memories of the last six years flashed through your mind. Every single one of Draco´s cruel jokes and actions, all his beliefs that he had never been afraid to voice and act on. All of this just as well as the moments when Draco hadn’t been this product of his environment but you had seen his true self shimmering through. All of the things you had been through, all of the hard work that still had felt so effortless when you had done it with him. All the afternoons you had spent in the library, all the glances and rare smiles you had shared over the years that had told you so much more about the boy in front of you than any words ever could. A small, sad smile crept on your lips as you returned his gaze.

“I mean, I don’t know about you, but I obviously don’t know any details about what happened, since I hadn’t been involved in all of this. Were you?”

The hint of a hopeful smile showed on Draco´s face, but it dropped again as soon as it had appeared.

“But Potter knows the… he knows more than you.”

You bit your lip and nodded. You didn’t know where Harry was and you sincerely hoped that he would be just fine, but the fact that he knew certain details about what had happened might become a problem. A problem for Draco. But also for you. Because for some reason, you didn’t want anyone to ever know the truth. Or at least for now. Because you didn’t want Draco to get expelled, or worse, sent to Azkaban for what he had done -or more precisely had needed to do. And not only because there was a part of you that was screaming at you to not let him go. Because you for some reason felt safe with him. Because for some reason you knew that you needed him here and because you were scared of what would happen to him if he would leave. However, you also knew that this wasn’t what Professor Dumbledore would have wanted for him. The headmaster had always loved his students dearly and had always been ready to protect them. And if you had understood it correctly, he had been willing to help Draco out of his misery until the very last second. You knew that Dumbledore wouldn’t have wanted Draco to face a dark fade and that he had still believed in him. And if no one else was there to carry on this belief anymore, then you would be more than willing to be that person. Maybe this was just a way to justify your actions, but deep down you had a sincere feeling that Professor Dumbledore would have actually wanted this.

“I mean… Harry was in shock. After everything he has seen… And he already distrusted you, so it would have been easy for him to misinterpret this situation….”

But before you could continue, Draco cut you off harshly.

“No, (Y/n). I won´t let you do this. I mean, if we stick to the original story, you can say that I talked you into believing this version of truth. That I made you trust me. You don’t have to actually lie for this. But if you do it that way… That´s wrong. And I won´t let you do this and maybe even ruin your life just for me.”

“But I would do it. It´s a plan, Draco.”

You looked at the boy pleadingly, as he took a step closer until he was standing right in front of you and smiled down at you sadly, the unknown softness in his eyes almost making your heart melt.

“It might be a plan, but it´s a stupid one, love.”

“Well, you can´t tell me what to say.”, you said illiberally.

“And you can´t tell me either. So if you really want to go down this path, I will tell them the truth. And not your interpretation, but everything.”, he said in a voice, that was way too calm for the fact that he had just threatened to confess attempted murder.

“That would be stupid.”

Draco shrugged his shoulders.

“It might be. But I think it´s worth it if that means you won´t do something just as stupid.”

You looked at him with narrowed eyes and tilted your head slightly.

“Why do you even care?”, you whispered, as you eyed the boy closely.

Draco hesitated for a moment, looked as if he wanted to say something, as his gaze grew even softer for a second, giving away so much more than you could understand at this moment, before he suddenly pulled back, his face hardening again.

“I don’t think we have time for this now. I need to leave before they get me.”

For a moment you felt slightly disappointed at the loss of his closeness, yet you knew that this wasn’t the right moment for those thoughts for many reasons.

“But where do you even want to go?”

Draco shifted from one foot to the other.

“Professor Snape told me about a place. I just need to apparate there.”

“You can´t apparate on school´s ground.”, you contradicted.

“The entire school is flapping right now. I can easily sneak out.”

“That´s the point. Everyone is on their feet. If someone sees you…”

“They don’t know what happened yet.”

“You can´t know that´s.”

“I´m afraid that this is a risk I have to take.”

“Let me join you.”

Draco looked at you as if you had completely lost your mind. Then he shook his head firmly.

“There´s no way. This is way too dangerous. You should just get back to your dorm and…”

“I won´t go there now for sure. I´ll join you, Draco. I won´t leave you alone now.”

Silence.

“Just to the border. I won´t even leave the ground.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest and withstood Draco´s glance until the boy sighed in defeat.

“You won´t leave the ground. Not even one step. And if something happens, you get back right away. Promised?”

You nodded, even though you knew just as well as Draco, if it would all come down, you would break your promise anyway.

You tiptoed down the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. The silence that surrounded you was almost ghostly. As you wandered down the empty corridors, some broken glass that used to cover the windows to your sides crunched under your feed. Neither Draco nor you said a word, each of you lost in your own thoughts. You were still wondering if what you were just doing was the right thing. Because after all, Draco apparently had been the one to make all of this possible. But after everything he had told you; could you really blame him for what he had done? But then again; how could you be so sure that he had told you the truth? That he wasn’t just using you to get out of the castle safely? You already knew the answer, or at least your very subjective answer to this question. Draco had tried to protect you. He hadn’t given you away when the Death Eaters had come to the tower and he had stayed with you, rather than leaving with them, even though he couldn’t be sure that that wouldn’t be his end. And as you glanced at the boy beside you, lips pursed and hands still shaking slightly, while his eyes wandered around restlessly, you somehow knew that your choice was the right one. Suddenly, you heard a loud banging, not far from you. You flinched, immediately raising the hand that was clutched around your wand, while the other one intuitively reached for Draco´s. You were turning your head to both sides, eyes opened wide, searching for any potential threat, but no one was in sight, neither friend, nor foe. You soon started to relax slightly, as you looked at Draco, who returned your gaze, with the slightest grin on his face. Only then you realized that you were still holding on to him. As soon as the realization hit you, you wanted to let go, but Draco prevented you from doing so, by catching your hand again, intertwining his fingers with yours, while the grin on his face only widened. You couldn’t help the blush creeping on your cheeks as he looked at you. For the first time this night, you could see a small fraction of the sparkle in his eyes again, that you always used to adore so much. You knew for sure that your timing couldn’t be worse, yet you could feel the butterflies erupting in your stomach as his thump tenderly brushed over the back of your hand while his eyes never left yours. It felt like years, yet only seconds had passed until Draco finally broke the eye contact and cleared his throat.

“We should really leave now. It isn’t safe here.”

And even though you knew that he was right, you couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed as Draco continued his way, yet you noticed that his hand still held on tightly to yours, making you feel like you would follow him to the end of the world if he would only continue doing so.

By now, you had almost reached the courtyard. Soon, Draco and you would have to say goodbye, and you feared this moment more than anything.

But just as you turned around the next corner, you suddenly felt a flash of warm light buzzing past you, only centimetres away from your ear and exploding in the wall behind you. And if it wouldn’t have been for Draco pulling you back, it would have hit you directly.

You stumbled against Draco´s chest, not even realizing what was happening, as Draco shoved you behind him, raising his wand, ready to defend you.

“Tonks, no! These are students!”, you suddenly heard a familiar voice. And Draco seemed to recognize it as well because he stopped his movements and carefully glanced around the corner.

And as you tiptoed to catch a glimpse over Draco´s shoulder, you sighed in relief. You pulled Draco, who remained frozen in place, around the corner and walked up to the people standing in the middle of the corridor.

“Professor Lupin!”, you called out, a small smile creeping on your face as you saw your favourite Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher standing there with a just as relieved smile on his face. He looked haggard and had a few scratches on his face, but apart from that, he seemed to be uninjured.

“Miss (Y/l/n), Mr Malfoy, are you alright?”, he asked, scanning the two of you with narrowed eyes for any injuries.

“We´re just fine.”, you nodded and forced yourself to smile once more, while Draco stood right next to you, holding onto your hand tightly, not daring to say a word.

“Sorry for that.”, the woman who had thrown the curse at you said with a wry smile. “Thought you were one of them.”

“Apparently Death Eaters have attacked the school.”, Lupin explained to you. The grin on his face was wiped away quickly at his words. “We don’t know how they came in here or what they want but by now they seem to be gone.”

You nodded.

“We saw them.”

“Have they seen you? Did you fight? Do you know if any of them are still in here? Is anyone hurt?”

You bit your lip and glanced at Draco, whose gaze was fixed on the ground.

“I think they are all gone, but Professor…” You took a deep breath. “There is something I have to tell you. Professor Dumbledore… I don’t know how… He is… Professor Dumbledore is…”

Suddenly you heard some loud voices.

“Remus! Tonks! Over here! Quick!”

The Professor turned around immediately. Then he looked at you once more with a grave expression on his face.

“Listen, I want the two of you to get to the Hospital Wing. We´ll meet there and you´ll tell me everything, alright?”

You were barely able to nod before Lupin and Tonks rushed in the opposite direction.

After they turned around the next corner, you turned around to Draco, who still didn’t move. His eyes looked suspiciously glossy and he didn’t dare to look up at you. You tucked his hand carefully.

“Let´s get you out of here.”, you said in a soft voice, as you waited for him to react. And soon, Draco obeyed, and you continued your way out of the castle.

Without any further interruptions and much too fast for your taste, you finally reached the border of the castle´s ground. In the dim light coming from the castle, you could barely see anything, but maybe it was better this way because if you would have seen the look on Draco´s face in any more detail than you did now, it would have probably broken your heart than it already did and you wouldn’t have been able to let him go after all.

For a few moments, you just stood next to each other, staring at the line, where the grass of the meadows morphed into the woods of the forbidden forest; the one place no student was allowed to go. But tonight, you would have overstepped any boundary if this would mean that you could just stay with Draco, making sure he would be okay. But you knew he wouldn’t let you, and somewhere deep down you also knew that this was for the best, even though you didn’t want to admit it.

Finally, Draco slowly loosened the grip he still had on you, until your arm was falling to your side again, feeling cold and useless without his touch.

“So, that´s it?”, you whispered into the silence, not daring to look at Draco yet.

The boy nodded, even though you couldn’t see.

“That´s it.”, he confirmed, trying to hide the shaking threatening to take over in his voice.

As you turned around to look at him and saw his silhouette tensing as his shoulders trembled, you felt your eyes starting to sting as you shook your head in denial. You knew that this was probably the only way, yet now, that it was actually about time for Draco to leave, you just felt like your heart couldn’t take it. How could you let him go if you didn’t know what was going to happen? Maybe if he would stay, if he would explain everything – maybe then there would be a happy end after all. But if he would leave now, there was no turning back, and you didn’t even dare to think about what might happen to him under the command of You-know-who.

“This can´t be it.”, you said. Your voice sounded desperate, as the tears forming in your eyes threatened to fall. “This can´t be the end.”

“This isn’t the end (Y/n). It´s just… it´s going to be different now.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”, you sniffed.

Draco stepped closer to you and cupped your face in his hands. By now he was close enough that you could see almost each of his details clearly, even in the dim light and through the daze of the tears.

“You won´t, love. I promise. I´m yours and I will find a way to get back to you. Whatever it takes.”

Even though you could feel your heart breaking, at the very same moment, you could also feel it beating faster.

“You´re mine?”, you asked with a small smirk.

Draco forced himself to return your wry smile.

“I´m all yours. I´ve always been. I´ve just been too much of an idiot to admit.” He let out a low chuckle before he grew serious again. “But as soon as I´ll get back to you, I´ll be whatever you want me to be.” He hesitated for a moment before he added: “If you want me at all.”

You tilted your head slightly, giving in to the feeling of his hand that was still cupping your cheek. Your eyes closed fluttery at the feeling of his warm skin against yours, but you opened them again and locked your eyes with his, not blinking once, as you returned: “I do.”

You could see a small smile playing around Draco´s lips at your words, and it only grew wider as you added: “And the only thing I want you to be is yourself. I always did and I always will.”

“Even after everything that happened tonight?” His voice sounded raspy, full of regret as he thought about how close he had been to losing it all tonight.

“Do you really think I got you out of there just so you can live your happily ever after without me?”, you tried to tease him, but even though Draco´s lips twitched upwards for a second, he remained serious.

“Couldn’t have it without you anyway, love.”

You smiled at him sweetly.

“That´s just what I wanted to hear.”

Then finally, Draco returned your smile, somewhat wholehearted, for a moment forgetting all of the trouble that lay behind him and ahead. And when his gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips for a second, you gave the boy a small nod, before he leaned closer, until he finally closed the gap between the two of you.

The feeling of Draco´s lips on yours let you forget everything else, as they slowly started moving against yours. His hands wandered from your cheeks to your hips, pulling you closer, while yours wandered up his chest and sneaked around his neck, with the very same intention. At this very moment, everything felt like it was just like it was supposed to be - as if nothing else mattered. You knew that whatever would happen next -whatever challenge you would have to face- as long as you knew that Draco was with you and you were with him, everything would just work out somehow.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally pulled back, panting heavily, but smiling brightly, nevertheless. Draco wrapped his arms around you, pulling you impossibly close, as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. You let out a comfortable sigh as you nuzzled your face into his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent.

“I promise I won´t leave you, (Y/n). Even when I´m away, I´ll always be with you.”, he mumbled, his breath tickling your neck.

You nodded and hummed in response.

“I know.”

When you loosened your grip and took a step back, you saw Draco smiling down at you with so much admiration that you thought your heart might explode any second. But as you turned your head and looked at the castle, you saw some small lights somewhere in the distance, slowly coming closer.

“I think you should leave now.”, you said, smiling at Draco sadly.

The boy followed your gaze and nodded. He pressed a small kiss on your lips before he looked at you.

“Just promise me, you won´t forget me when I´m gone, will you?”

You nodded and smirked.

“How could I? You´ll leave all the homework Flitwick has given to us to me. I won´t forget that very soon.”

Draco chuckled.

“I hope you got some more pleasant memories with me now than doing homework.”

“I think I´ll be able to think of something.”, you smiled.

Draco nodded and returned your smile, before he took your hand into his larger ones, placing a ghostly kiss on your knuckles, making you shiver.

“Goodbye, my love.”, he said, before letting go of your hand and walking towards the woods. You watched him closely, wanting to take in every single detail about him for as long as you could.

And just when he had passed the border, you spoke up again.

“Draco? You will be okay, won´t you?”

The boy turned around to you again and smiled at you.

“Don´t worry, love. I got something worth to coming back to now.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. I´ll be back before you can even start to miss me.”

“Then you wouldn’t be able to leave at all.”

“I told you, I won´t leave. I´ll be with you. Always.”

You nodded. But there was still one thing left to say. One thing that you should have told the boy who meant so much to you, a very long time ago, and that might have changed things – at least between the two of you for the better.

“But Draco, just so you know I… I l…”

But before you could even finish your sentence, Draco cut you off.

“I know, love. This isn’t the time for this. But someday you will tell me and I´ll tell you too, and I swear to Salazar, I´ll never get tired of it, yes?”

You nodded.

“Yeah.”

A soft breeze blew through the trees around you, making you shiver. Draco smiled at you as you crossed your arms in front of your chest, trying to shield yourself from the cold. One day, he would be there, to do so for you; to protect you, not only from the cold but every harm out there. He just knew it and deep down, you felt it too. And for that reason, the smile on your face didn’t fade when your gaze wasn’t fixed on Draco anymore but on the empty ground, he had stood on only seconds ago, leaving behind the promise of a happily ever after for the both of you.

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @army24—7 @lbhmoon @cappgyuccino @writingwitch007 @myomy0ss @tinafuentes @dmslvt @Slytherin4eva @foulkryptonitepeanut @chillcheesecake @pottertea

[hsgucci94]

The ghosts came out to play

Summary: Harry and Y/N attend a Halloween party…

Content warnings: fluff??????

Word count: 3.1k

masterlist

———

Harry wasn’t so sure about dressing up that night. Yes, it was Halloween. Yes, they had been invited to a party. But no, he wasn’t in the mood to put together a few items just to try look like a movie or a book character, or even like a celebrity he might or might not know. At 35 years old, custom parties were no longer his thing, and he didn’t find Halloween as fun as before.

Y/N knew that, and of course she was more than okay with him not dressing up, but she did. Her outfit was all black: black t-shirt, black stockings, black short skirt and black boots. Nothing Halloween themed, until she added a devil horn headband and a red tail. Now she was officially a little devil, and Harry couldn’t help but chuckle the moment she walked into his bedroom fully dressed up.

“That’s gotta be your most self-explanatory costume till date, darling.”

“Oh, shut up,” she retorted, jokingly smacking his arm, which only caused him to laugh harder. His arms wrapped around her waist, and pulled her close enough to kiss her, her red lipstick slightly staining his lips. She giggled at such sight, before passing her thumb over them to clean them off.

“I’m so excited for tonight,” she smiled.

“You are?,” he mirrored her expression. Her happiness was always so contagious, and that was just one of the many things he loved about her.

Y/N nodded, pecking at his lips again, “I’ve the feeling it’s gonna be a good night.”

After dating for a bit longer than a year, Y/N was thrilled to be getting to know more about him. She had recently met his family, and that night was about to meet some of his closest friends.

Ever since their relationship started, they had been taking it slow and doing things low-key, almost hiding from the world and its sick curiosity. It was already hard enough for him to date as a famous singer and actor, so things were even more complicated now that he was a divorced man dating a girl 11 years his junior.

But Y/N had been like a breath of fresh air to him. They got introduced to each other at a friend’s birthday party and slowly hit it off; date after date and one step at a time. She soon turned into his lucky charm, the one that had helped him see things differently after having to face such a tumultuous divorce. He wanted to make her happy. If possible, as happy as she made him, so even though he would have much rather spent the night at home, watching movies, eating spooky candy and having makeout sessions every now and then, he had agreed on going to that Halloween party just because he knew she would enjoy it.

“What if I dress all black, too, and wear my red-pearl necklace? Would that match with you?,” he asked her, suddenly cheering up a bit on the whole 31st of October celebration thing.

“You sure you wanna dress up?”

“I know I said I wasn’t going to, but now you’ve made me a little envious,” he chuckled, sweetly pinching her cheek, “I don’t have anything, so maybe you can help me come up with something homemade?”

She nodded, smiling. “Of course, H. I’ve got a red trident that I’m not gonna use anymore, so I think that will be more than enough. We won’t most definitely win any couple’s costume competition, but at least we’ll look good,” she giggled, and his smile only got bigger.

When he parked in front of Niall’s house, Harry’s hands were pretty sweaty. His mind had been off all the drive there, and he was glad Y/N didn’t seem to notice while singing and humming to the songs that were playing on the radio.

At 35, he was still feeling as nervous as a 15 year-old now the he was about to introduce his girlfriend to his friends. Not because they were going to judge him for their age gap, but because it was the first girl he had been with since his separation two years back. He wanted that night to be fun and go smooth for the both of them, so hopefully it would.

“Wow, your friend Niall really went all out with the decorations,” Y/N said, admiring wide eyed the way his house had been transformed for the occasion.

Harry chuckled next to her, passing his arm around her shoulders, “The Irish always knows how to throw a party.”

Candy bowls in every table, fake spider web hanging from every single ceiling corner, and the dim light that lightened up every room gave the place the right spooky atmosphere.

“Hey! Where’s your costume?,” Niall shouted, a beer in hand as he approached his friend. Apparently, he was a Vampire; the cape and fangs gave it away.

Harry rolled his eyes, before lifting the red trident up in the air as if it was so obvious what he was dressed up as.

“You’ve always been shitty at coming up with good ones…, oh, lord. Good to see ya, mate,” the Irish man replied, bringing him into a hug, “Oh, -wait, this is her?,” Niall rose his eyebrows, looking between Harry and Y/N a couple of times the moment he noticed her standing next to each other. When he saw his British friend nodding, he smiled, pulling Y/N in for a hug, “Ah! So good to finally meet you!”

“Guess this is the poor girl that’s been bearing with your ass, Styles?,” Louis spoke, peeking behind Niall, “Y/N, right? Welcome to the squad, love.”

“Thank you. It’s so nice to finally meet you two,” she replied, smiling at the two men standing in front of her.

“So, devils?,” Louis asked them, pointing at their costumes.

“See? It isn’t so rubbish if you can guess it at first try,” Harry retorted, looking directly at Niall.

“Whatever,” this one answered, rolling his eyes, “Go make yourselves at home. There’s plenty of food and drinks for you both to have a terrific night,” he winked at them, before turning around and leave to greet someone else, Louis dismissing them a few minutes later with a small pat on their shoulders.

That was exactly what they did. They walked into the kitchen, where Harry took advantage of all the time he had spent at that house to grab the things he needed to make Y/N a drink. And of course it couldn't be any other than a Bloody Mary.

"The occasion calls for it," he smirked at her, handing her the glass. She laughed a bit, accepting it and taking a good sip.

"'S good, Styles," she passed her tongue over her lips, cleaning them.

"Thank you, miss."

"Aren't you gonna make one for yourself?"

"I don't feel like drinking tonight," he admitted, shrugging. She nodded, and entwined her arm with his before taking them to the living room, where music was blasting through the speakers as Frankenstein, the Little Mermaid, the Cookie Monster and many others danced to the rhythm..., or not at all.

"It's gotta be the scariest room in this house," Harry murmured just for her ears, looking at the dance floor.

"Harry!," she was quick to scold him between giggles, "Not everyone's lucky enough to have your moves, Mr. Treat People With Kindness."

"Right, 'm sorry," he chuckled, and she then hid her face in his jacket because she couldn’t stop laughing at his terrible joke.

In that precise moment, he was glad they were both there, and that she had managed to convince him to come to that Halloween party he didn’t even want to attend in the first place. The day he received Niall's invitation he texted him right away letting he know he wasn’t up for it. But then Y/N found the card and her eyes sparkled. She even gave him a twenty-minute rant about how Halloween night was meant to be spent outdoor at someone's house drinking extra bitter beer while plying beer pong, which seemed enough to convince him. Little did she know that what got him to agree on such plan was actually her excitement and the fact that he just couldn’t ever say no to her.

When she managed to stiffen her laugh, she looked up at him, and he took the opportunity to grab her chin and press a kiss to her lips, savouring the Bloody Mary from her tongue. "Did I tell you already how hot you look tonight?," he whispered against her mouth.

"Not yet..., no," she bit her lip, her cheeks blushing a bit.

"Alright, you two! There's an empty guest room if you wanna use it, lovebirds. Harry knowns which one I'm talking about," Niall chuckled, passing next to them.

Of course he did, he had slept there countless nights.

Y/N only blushed harder at Niall's words, while Harry's countenance turned pale.

The night Rebecca handed him the divorce papers after confessing she had been sleeping with her coworker before deciding to put an end to their marriage, that's where he slept. When she asked him to pack his things and leave the house they had bought together, that's where he went. When he had no place to stay or will to live for almost six months after their divorce was filled, that room became his shelter. And as thankful as he was and would always be for Niall for being a best friend when he needed one the most, that room, that house even, was still haunted to him.

Y/N noticed his sudden mood change, "Hey..."

"I'm fine... I just need some fresh air," he assured her. She nodded, and was ready to walk outside with him until he gestured her to wait for him there. She frowned, but just watched as he opened the front-door and disappeared.

Out in the night, Harry forced himself to take a deep breath, feeling the air escaping his lugs as he was finding it harder to breath. The memories he had been hiding in the back of his mind for so long were starting to make a comeback, reminding him how heartbroken he once felt. The past was feeling so overwhelming so out of the blue, his eyes started getting watery, and soon he was letting all his pain and frustration out in the form of tears. They ran down his cheeks desperately, wetting his face, and even though he was alone and no one could see or hear him in that state, he hid his face between his hands, using them to cushion his sobs.

He didn’t know how long he had been there for when he heard Y/N calling his name.

"Harry?"

He quickly passed his hands over his face, cleaning his wet cheeks with the back of them. He readjusted his clothes and took a deep breath, wishing his cheeks weren’t as flushed as they usually got whenever he cried.

"What happened?," she cautiously approached him.

His back was to her, so she hugged him from behind, her hands resting over his stomach. He closed his eyes, feeling relieved to have her there. He didn’t say a word. Instead, he rested his hands over hers. They stayed there in silence for a few minutes, until Y/N broke it, once she realised he had no intention of talking to her about whatever made him feel that way.

She wanted to understand why he hadn’t opened up to her yet, but deep down she couldn’t. Thirteen months together and it seemed like she was pages ahead of him when it came to their relationship. She wondered right there and then if they would ever be on the same one.

"Last month was our one-year anniversary," she softly spoke, "By then, I had already introduced you to my family and my closest friends. You, on the other hand... I've been honest with you, Harry, I opened up to you in ways I didn’t to anyone before," she gulped. He knew well enough where her words were heading to. "I've got the feeling that...," she gulped again, unable to mouth her thoughts out, scared they might be true.

He closed his eyes, not knowing she did, too. He closed them because her words hurt him, unaware his lack of them pained her.

Y/N let out a rather quiet sigh, before unwrapping her arms and turning around to make her way back inside. She had the feeling she was slowly losing a battle, and was not so sure if she wanted to stay to pick up the rubble.

"I'll go grab my things and take a taxi home," she mumbled. Then, silence. The was the last straw.

He could feel her slowly slipping though his fingers only because he was afraid of letting her in completely. During their last months together she had included him in all her family and friends gatherings, showing him how serious she was about them both. Him, however, introduced her to his mum the week before, only because Anne decided to surprise her son in his London home, not knowing Y/N, her partner, would be there as well. His mum wasn’t even aware he was in a relationship.

Harry needed to get his act together, he knew that. He didn’t know how, however. He had posponed for so long talking about Rebecca, and his feelings, and the way he was afraid of letting someone else come into his life just because he wasn’t capable of losing someone he loved again..., he didn’t know where to start. So he just got inside Niall's house, and looked for Y/N.

He found her in a corner, thanking Niall for the invitation and saying goodbye to both him and Louis. Harry cautiously approached her from behind, resting his hand in her back as he lowered his head enough to say: "Don't call a taxi, I'll drive you to your place". His friends looked at them confused, a bit conflicted wether they wanted to know what was up with them or not at all. They chose to leave and let them fix it on their own.

Y/N shook her head, before turning around to face him, "I think we both need some time alone."

Harry scratched his nose, "No, we don't. We're fine together."

"We clearly aren’t if you don’t feel like you can trust me with whatever it is you aren’t telling me, Harry," she quickly retorted, in a pissed tone that soon turned into a hurt one. Her voice cracked by the end of the sentence, and she had to pinch hard the inside of her cheek to avoid her emotions to take over. She wanted him to confide in her the same way she did on him..., was that too much to ask? "Is it me? Am I the problem?," she continued, her eyes getting watery the more she stared at his, "Didn’t I show you you can count on me the same way I can count on you? I just... don't understand why you keep pushing me away."

"Come with me," he said, and grabbed her hand, walking them both out of the living room and up the stairs. His feet took him almost instantly to that room in particular, and as soon as he was in front of it, a knot grew in his stomach. But he pushed the uncomfortable thought away and opened the door, letting her in. When he shut the door behind him, he glued his back to it, before grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her to him, his arms wrapping her in a hug.

His eyes remained closed, unable to open them and see the four walls that brought so many bad memories to him. He thought he had already escaped them, but there they were, back on his mind.

He didn’t remember a time where he had been more miserable than that one, so talking about his divorce and how it made him feel wasn’t an easy task. He them pulled away enough to fix his eyes on her face, passing a hand through it to put some strands of hair behind her ear, "You know I divorced a couple of years ago, but you don't know why: my ex-wife cheated on me," he gulped, "I came home one day and she told me she had been sleeping around with her coworker and that that was the end of us. I hadn’t really felt so strong about someone until I met her, and I truly thought we were gonna be together forever. I... I loved her,” a small sigh escaped from his lips, "Once our marriage ended, I lost my mind. She took the house, so I came here to sleep. This was my room, and until then I don’t think I have ever cried so much in my life," a sad smile peeked enough through the corners of his mouth, "I know this conversation should have happened sooner, my darling, and I’m sorry. I guess I’ve kinda been taking things slower than usual between us because I don’t want you to get tired of me like my ex did. But she’s my past and you’re my present, and I promise to prove you so from now on.”

Y/N had been silently listening to him talk, and now that he had finished, she didn’t know what to say, so she tightened her grip around him as a response. Her face hid in the crook of his neck as she told him with her hold everything she couldn’t with her voice. Harry felt relieved for finally having opened up to her, and was glad to know she wasn’t going anywhere.

“I don’t want to keep you like a secret, neither I want you to feel like one,” he mumbled, “But I do want our relationship to feel special, so that’s why I’ve been taking my time to figure out where the right time to do what was.”

“So me meeting your mum wasn’t actually scheduled for another few months?,” she replied, graciously frowning at him.

He chuckled, playing along, “Something like that, yeah.”

“Jokes aside…, thanks for telling me this, H.”

He nodded, a small smile growing between his lips. He then pressed their lips together and kissed her, their tongues soon intensifying the kiss. “Do you still want me to take you to your place?”

“Not really. Can I still stay the night at yours?”

“I find the whole question pretty offensive, if you ask me,” he replied, pecking at her lips again, “Of course you can, love. In fact, I wouldn’t like you sleeping anywhere else tonight.”