#like the fact that no one complains about how white women can be described as apple cheeked simply bc no one even associates such things

[saltcherry]

my hot take on ‘can you use food words to describe skin color, especially of nonwhite people or characters’ is, you probably can do it in a reasonable way, it just depends on how racist the rest of your writing is whether is comes off as creepy. like it’s well-established in English literature to describe skin “as white as milk” and “cheeks as rosy as apples” etc., typically to describe young women or girls. the fetishistic tone is not going to hinge solely on the words chosen (of course, associations have to be considered). the real issue is that the fetishization of white women and of Black women or brown women operates differently. the words used to do it are different. the associations with sexuality are different (y do u think white women who want to assert sexuality often choose to do it by either embodying stereotypes associated with women of color or by directly appropriating aspects of nonwhite culture?). so really the challenge for the writer is not to remove all purple descriptors from their language, even stilted or outdated ones, and their associations (impossible task) but to be good enough at their craft to challenge, remake, critique, etc. those associations. like idk it seems like a very hard task and that’s why the advice is to simply remove that language! however it’s more interesting to try to grapple with language imo. and ultimately more productive because many many types of words carry associations of otherness, sexuality, prejudice, etc. when applied to nonwhite vs white people, Black vs nonBlack people, etc. the language problem can only be understood when you know this and only solved when you work at it with deep knowledge. (I guess the reason some people balk hard at “I don’t get why this is perceived as racist” over e.g. “she had skin like chocolate” is because they are lacking that deep knowledge accrued from reading a lot. related: if you don’t read a lot, and you write with that type of language, without knowledge either conscious or unconscious of those biases, will you replicate them? form new associations? is knowledge a curse, lol?

[pumpumdemsugah]

One of the most pathetic things to me is seeing BW talk down to other BW using slurs and insults and historically inaccurate ‘facts’ to defend white queer trans types. Makes me feel so embarrassed like how can you have such little self respect. Not on there anymore but the amount of times I’ve seen BW pile up other BW on twitter talking about ‘you’re hardly a woman urself wench’ etc to make sure Sock & co. know that they’re good allies is wild. Whiteness and misogyny has done a number of some people for sure.

It's mental fucking behaviour. Its desperate craven and ahistorical

We weren't seen as women the same way you don't call a cow a woman because that's not a person and because that's not a person it's property and because it's property is enslaving them really so bad ? The cows don't complain?

Using white supremacist framing against a Black woman for solidarity lol I hope they learn shame and get well. Misogynistic Black patriarchal men often speak to Black women the exact same way. They remind us how slave masters see us ( be it true or not ) and want us to internalise that as what we are.

People are going out of their way to avoid the fact the reason medical practitioners think Black people feel less pain, Black children have to wait longer for pain medication, Black boys young as 12 get described as big men and society characterises Black women as tough, so tough we have horrible maternal death outcomes in the UK and US because they think hink we're lying because we're tough is because of the legacy of slavery.

You don't mass enslave, rape and work people to death and then describe them complex people who can be hurt, you describe them as unfeeling animals and it stuck

Straight from the crackers mouths

He literally just didn't think the Black women he owned as slaves didn't feel pain even though they need to be restrained when he'd hack them open. They don't feel pain though but pin her down. Stereotypes aren't about reality but the way people on social media seem to need us to view ourselves as 3rd gender because we're Black and distance slavery from why people think of us the way they do...Black women don't benefit and whites get to pretend they aren't beneficiaries of this framing. Now it's a moral imperative to think this

Slaves masters tell you why they treated enslaved Black people that way. They had diaries. They thought we were animals and we couldn't feel pain. Being stereotyped as a wild beast doesn't lend itself to be seen as feminine. That's where it comes from . Why are so many people intent on gendering this in such a racist inappropriate way ? Because the same thing happened to Black men but no one is making the same claims about them, they recognise doing so is racist but not for us

Why are we decentring white supremacy and slavery, often for the approval of white people?

This is why when people say you can't solve how Black women are treated with solving transphobia i roll my eyes. You can talk about how you can gender peoples bodies to excuse abuse and certain ideas so it's important we don't do this, but we can solve transphobia and Black women will be seen exactly the same way because it stems from slavery and anti-Black racism.

Slave masters left diaries detailing what they thought about the negro and it's about dehumanisation in a very literal way. They were measuring skulls to prove we're just like monkeys. We were compared to animals. They didn't think we were the same fucking species as them. No one brings this up anymore because umm solidarity. It's not even enough that you simply don't agree as someone with left leaning politics, they need to humiliate you in a public racist way because of it

Sorry I think you're a massive coon if you do this and need to relearn self-respect. You can draw connections without doing all this but I'm not lying about a single historical fact because it makes for a good viral moment

[onyxisnotuniqueenough]

i don't exactly know how to deal with this - I'm not a big enough person on tumblr to have ever been confronted to this type of comment :

but it still surprised me to see this when my experience on here has honestly been overwhelmingly positive and I've never really talked or met someone who'd comment something like that on here.

i don't honestly think it's wrong to put this person on "blast" (even though, let's be honest, me posting about it is less of a blast and more of a nice summer night breeze.) since they have commented this publicly for everyone to see - so i see no issue in answering in a just as public of a way.

anyway just wanted to say that I think it's kind of sad that you value fictional characters and people in general based on their physical appearance, and that you seem to forget there is an actor aka a real person behind that role.

and oops - guess what - whatever you think of the appearance of any fucking actor - that's not the part of their job that fucking matters!!

Now, let's try to see walk a few centimeters in your shoes. In your eyes, Foggy is ugly as fuck. So that means he can't get the girl, right? Is that how the story goes? Whatever his personality, his humor or his charm - everybody always only looks at physical appearance and there is not ONE person on this earth who cares, or should care, about what's really underneath.

now apparently, Hallelujah, Karen is attractive in your eyes so she deserves love. Ugh, but that is SO RUINED by the fact that she's ANNOYING AS HELL.....EW.....

There's 2 ways for me to take that Karen is annoying comment.

1 - it's the Skyler White Syndrome and any woman who worries, cares, makes mistakes or has any kind of character flaw is just a nagging annoying woman who's ruining your badass man show. like "guys? what the fuck? there's someone else than a muscular superhero dude or the very evil/murderous/manipulative/actually annoying guy that i somehow forgive on my fucking screen!!! hide that shit or else my masculinity will dissappear!!!!!!!!!"

Now since I don't know your gender or your background - this could be either internalized misogyny or plain old sexism at play. Couldn't care less. Either way it's stupid to think that a female character is either perfect or horrible, a mary sue or a bitch. and that you'll complain either way.

2. I give you the benefit of the doubt. You finding Karen annoying has nothing to do with your gender or what you think of women in media and entertainment and more with the fact that you honestly do find her annoying. What exactly has she done to be described as annoying? Is her dialogue bad? Is her story taking away from Matt's? Are her decisions stupid or irrational and you just can't take it when a character makes actual mistakes?

What exactly are you criticizing her for? Because since I've written my post about romantic relationships i'm willing to bet that your "Karen is annoying" thing is said in a romantic context and that it's just the way she speaks or her personality that you dislike, and this has nothing to do with what actually makes her character interesting or how her backstory has shaped her actions and behavior.

Now I get that we all have our favorite characters - and we have characters we don't like to see on screen. But I wouldn't say that Foggy "being ugly" and Karen "being annoying" qualify as legitimate reasons for you to think they don't deserve to have romantic relationships or that they. "TERRORIZE" MATT??

What kind of show have you been watching? Did you get a bootleg iron man dvd and get confused? where are you getting this from?

Are you saying that you take any conflict that Matt can have with his friends is terrorism? That they're ruining his life? That every time they say they're worried, everytime they tell him not to be Daredevil, because of their own love for their FRIEND, that's terrorism???

Matt cares about them just as much as they care about him, and I'd hardly qualify their overprotectiveness, or honestly, with Matt putting himself on the brink of death all the time, just protectiveness, as TERRORISM.

These "two bums" deserve to be on the show because they're an essential part of Matt's character development and Matt's life in general. He needs loved ones to protect, loved ones to worry about him, loved ones to encourage him, loved ones to call him out from time to time, loved ones that have been through it with him and have stuck with him for a long time.

And the two actors that play them deserve just as much of a chance to get to bring something new to their performance and get to share the screen with long-time friends.

you know.

in the reboot of a show that they were major characters of.

i think i got everything out. hope you're willing to expose yourself to a different opinion and that you read this whole post @nyxxhecate

also. your blog is pretty empty. you should get on that if you don't want people to think you're some spam account.

the end :)

[travllingbunny]

So it was quite weird for this person to take that and make it about Misogyny and Incels when that has very little to do with it. plus, in recent years I have seen more female villains receiving this treatment often from female viewers/readers. Characters like Princess Azula, Rei Todoroki, Catra, Harley Quinn, and Heather Chandler receive this in increasingly frequent ways often with the defense that any person who dislikes these characters is a misogynist who hates and opresses women.

(pt 4) It is unfortunately a common thing in many fandoms to do to characters, but lately it often seems that any criticism towards a female character, of groups of women, or even an individual woman. is taken to be misogynistic, born from a hatred and fear of women, and often seems to take the form that every man or even most men are just evil, malicious, people or out to get women, and control and abuse them it's quite frankly ridiculous. and I think its an absurd line of thought that needs to die

Finally to answer parts 3 and 4 of your ask.

Yes, you are right that this is also another phenomenom that's pretty widespread these days. But I don't see how you think that negates what was said about the Draco in Leather Pants trope.

In my first post answeing your asks 1 and 2, I've pointed out why I think this poster was right and that the trope itself is sexist - certainly the way it's described on the TV Tropes page is, and so is, in general, the focus on how silly fangirls are ruining everything by stanning male characters they 'woobify' and find hot - while ignoring the equally widespread idolization / whitewashing of villains like TDK Joker, Walter White, Tywin Lannister etc. by fanboys. And that also the examples on the page show that this trope can also just serve as an excuse for people to rant and complain about the fact that other fans dare like characters they hate.

Fans regardless of gender and sexual orientation (and whether they find the characters attractive or not) tend to whitewash and idealize their favorite characters, but also demonize and oversimplify the characters they hate, too. The main reason for this is people's tendency to want to see every story in black and white terms, as a Heroes vs Villains story, and it gets mixed with today's prevalent idea in pop culture that you can't just like or dislike things, you need to prove that what you like is morally superior, and that the things you dislike are morally bad.

I'm not familiar with the examples you mention, but I've certainly seen it. Sometimes it's worshipping villanous female characters (say, Amy Dunne or Cersei Lannister) who are reimagined by the fandom as girlboss feminists. It feels like the flip side of the phenomenom of fanboys worshipping male villains they admire as badasses, but now with added supposed social justice aspect. It may also be a backlash against the real and blatant misogyny that was very pervasive in fandoms (I remember the time when Sansa, Dany and Catelyn were the most hated characters in the ASOIAF fandom, with people using some... interesting arguments. The one that really got me was how many people in the fandom were hating on a pre-teen girl for not wanting to have sex with a grown man she was forced to marry by her captors who were killing her own famly... because they really liked that male character. )

It might also include the rhetoric based on a certain type of (pseudo-)feminism according to which women are inherently good and perfect and can only be heroes and/or victims, while men are naturally aggressive and abusive etc. This can get hilariously hypocritical: recently a Twitter user went on a rant against fans who like abusive male characters, while being a self-proclaimed stan of Cersei Lannister and Serena Joy.

But it's not like this kind of rhetoric is used just against men (you didn't explicitly say that, but I felt like it was implied in your ask). Women will often throw accusations of misogyny against each other, and women will often show internalized misogyny towards other women in those arguments - and both things will often happen at the same time. This also happens a lot in real life arguments about politics and social issues - especially when people use girlboss feminism to argue that anyone who doesn't support or, god forbid, criticizes their favorite female politician or celebrity, is "misogynistic" and that every criticism of her, no matter how legitimate the reasons are and how little they have to do with gender, are "rooted in misogyny". In the course of that, stans often don't have a problem with mocking, attacking and bullying any number of other (usually less powerful women), and using all sorts of misogynistic insults and assumptions about them.

Now, the tricky thing is that this doesn't mean that hatred or criticism or lack of support for a woman in real life, or a female character, is fully free of misogyny, even if the woman in question is very problematic. It probably always does play a role. Some people - maybe even a lot of people - will really say and do misogynistic things about a woman even when there are perfectly legitimate reasons to criticize her that have nothing to do with gender.

Take a female character like Cersei Lannister as an example. She is a narcissist with internalized misogyny who is abusive towards every woman and girl she had any power over, and is also extremely classist, ableist and racist. While the crimes of the GoT version were downplayed (at least before the season 6 finale), the book version, among other things, is guilty of the murders of many children including a baby, murdered her friend as a child, commits sexual assault, physically and emotionally abused her disabled little brother since his birth (she already abused him as a baby), is guilty of the murder of countless little people (just because she wanted to kill her brother), sends innocent women to be tortured and experimented on, sold a woman into slavery, orders a young boy to be whipped as a way to emotionally abuse her own son.tries to frame her teenage daughter-in-law and get her executed, and the list goes on. But Cersei is also a victim herself, and that's made very clear - of her father using her as a pawn, of her husband King Robert, who used to rape her while drunk and also is physically abusive. She feels generally constrained by her position as a woman. But her takeaways from that are not empathy or support for other women or for any marginalized and oppressed people, but the exact opposite. The complexity about her character is really more about the complexity of our response to her - her horrible behavior and personality makes us hate her, her victimization makes the reader feel pity and empathy, her delusions of grandeur are often hilarious, and there are some times when we may even feel on her side. One of those times is when, after she's done so many horrible things, she doesn't get punished for any of them, but instead gets publicly shamed and humiliated in a really gross and misogynistic way for the 'crime' of having sex outside marriage.

So, is hating Cersei misogynistic? In general, heck no! There are countless excellent reasons to hate her, and anyone who tries to argue that people hating Cersei is by itself misogyny is full of sh1t. But when some people focus not on any of her crimes but call her a wh0re or making fun of the rape and abuse she's suffered or cheer for her husband hitting her - that is misogyny.

It all depends on the type of criticism (or more often hate) - the kind of arguments, or slurs used, or when they are blatantly treated differently than male characters who do similar things. There are also certain things that fandoms are more likely to accuse of or hold female characters than the male characters and vice versa. When fans hate on male characters, you'll typically see them say the character is violent, abuser, rapist, murderer, or, a particularly popular accusation nowadays, "incel" (even if it makes no sense at all). Female characters, on the other hand, will mostly get criticized for their sexual behavior, who they have sex with/whether they have sex (they'll be either slut-shamed, or mocked as frigid women who have never had an orgasm), which male characters they reject, whether they are good mothers (male characters will get far less criticism for being neglectful or straight-up abusive fathers to their own children, while female characters' motherhood will get dissected endlessly), they will be blamed for the actions of men for the way they have supposedly infliuenced / manipulated them (whether or not there's any evidence of that) etc. while, on the other hand, actual violent crimes those or other women may commit might actually get ignored - because a woman committing violence is either unimaginable, funny or girlbossy. and that especially goes for things like rape, sexual abuse or domestic violence (because women are gentle helpless flowers who can never do such things, amirite). Female characters will also get criticized and hated and called a Mary Sue just for basically having the same tropes as male protagonists do all the time: being the Chosen One with some special destiny, being very competent in some area, influencing a lot of people. I've seen pretty much every female protagonst or supporting character who is described as being exceptional in any way as a Mary Sue - while male characters who are all those things to a much higher degree never get that.

So, there's a lot of sexism in fandoms. But there's also a lot of bad fath arguments and blanket accusation of misogyny as a convenient tool in fandom discourse, the same way that you'll inevitably get accused of being homophobic or biphobic jor racist just for not being a stan of certain characters or not shipping certain ships or preferring some ships to others. And again, there is real racism, homophobia, bisephobia, transphobia, misogyny in the fandoms, but fans will also try to use those accusations as a tool to win fandom debates and prove their side of the fandom is the morally right one, and the ones who disagree with them are bad.

I can't help but use the House of the Dragon fandom as an example, because that fandom is a huge toxic mess, with the fandom divided into Team Black and Team Green depending on which faction of the fictional dragonriding royal family fighting a civil war over the throne they like better....and the accusation of misogyny is especially popular. Quite a few of the Team Black stans are taking it to a whole new level by accusing everyone who isn't one of them of misogyny - because if you don't fully and 100% support the side that is trying to put Rhaenyra, a woman, on the throne you must be a misogynist. (Rhaenyra is the protagonist, but the story is very morally grey one without heroes or villains, and if you've read the source material you know just how morally grey it is, and that insisting that people have to root for either side is pretty silly... not to mention that it's all a fictional medieval monrachy, so why would you treat fiction as real life and also why would you then yell at people that they need to supprot hereditary monarchy in general?) The funniest thing is, however, the fact that many of those who are the loudest in those accusations are themselves making extremely misogynistic arguments against female characters on "Team Green", especially Alicent, the other main female character, who's the central charactre on Team Green. Rhaenyra gets some hate that is rooted in misogyny (such as slut-shaming or judging her more harshly than male kings or pretenders to the throne), but there are many more fans who idealize her and ignore or downplay her flaws and mistakes (in the show she's generally portrayed as someone to root for at this point in the story at least, but not as someone who's flawless - but most of the fandom hates nuance!), flattening her as a character in the process. But, since Team Black makes up around 80-90% of the fandom, it's Alicent who gets demonized, so it's much more common to find misogynistic takes about her (downplaying or mocking and making memes of her victimization and every instance of sexual abuse, rape and humiliation she's endured, arguing that she 'seduced' a grown man when she was 14 , trying to reduce her to an 'evil stepmother' trope, hyperfocusing on her as a "bad mother"- while the bad fathers, including her husband, don't get the same treatment, blaming her for the actions of the men around her...). The fandom also bullied both of the actresses who have played her, to the point that one left social media for a while, and the other has publicly spoken about the cyber bullying she was exposed to and how it affected her (and as a result of talking about it, got hated and attacked even more). At the same time, male characters who have done much, much worse and are actually murderers and/or rapists and abusers get whitewashed and adored if they are on the "right" team (even abuse against Rhaenyra gets downplayed if it's committed by a man from Team Black), and even the men on Team Green who have actually commited murder and/or rape are getting less hate than Alicent (and their crimes are often used to reflect on her).

And that's why the HotD fandom is a perfect example showing that many of the people in fandoms who use misogyny (or some other supposedly progressive issue) don't really care about it. It all just comes down to winning a fandom war.

[cherrytea556]

I use to be both against misandry and misogyny because I believed hating on a gender and not the person themselves is ridiculous. I use to think that because they meant similar things (mainly hating on a gender) then they must've been similar to each other.

But now I can say that while misandry is in no way similar to misogyny (as misogyny is deeply rooted in history that has affected generations of women both physically and emotionally in different ways unlike misandry that while can be a thing, is often mistaken as misogyny towards men most of the time) and most guys I see complain about misandry are usually misogynist themselves/hypocrites (Take Dr Shaym's 'You should shut up about male privilege' and '50 female privileges' videos for example), this black and white thinking on both sides can cause bigotry to prevail. While misogynists are obviously towards women and other groups, misandry are different, rather towards other marginalized identities like trans men/women, queer men, moc (men of color), non binary people etc...The most prominent example of this is through terf/radfem content as they have spread misandry but also bigotry towards marginalized identities like trans/non binary people because of that mentality (thinking transwomen are a danger and thinking transmen/ afab non binary people are either betrayers, confused, trying to not be oppressed, or all of the above). Misogynists also uses misandry to their advantage, painting women/feminist as evil man haters and that they're the ones who support them, taking advantage towards vulnerable young men, especially those who have been abused by or have bad experiences with a woman. An example of this is in Dr Shaym's 'The real reason men are refusing to get married' video where the their was a comment of a man describing the abuse he endured by a woman and ended it with how women were 'an different breed' of how they use to be from the 1980s and before who were 'devoted to their husband and kids' (a time where they would have lack of freedom/agency as people, hence why they were so 'devoted') to now who he describes the average woman now to be greedy, selfish, immature, needy and even can be a devil if they want to. That end of the comment is clearly rooted in misogyny that would've been from misogynists as it's glorification of women's oppression and demonisation of modern women are one of misogynists well known talking points. This isn't to say women cannot complain about men, in fact, they absolutely can especially towards misogynist clearly happy to take away their freedom. What this is saying though, is that we should instead advocate for nuance. And no, not nuance as in 'not all men' whenever women bring up sa or men being creepy.

Its nuance as in instead of saying; 'all men sa women', we should have a discussion of society's coddling of men through the 'boys will be boys mentality' and the toxic masculinity excusing men's predatory behavior because its 'in their nature' to be sexual and sleep with a lot of women, contributing to the problem of sa/sexual violence women go through and how they often get demonised/blamed instead of the perpetrators.

It's nuance as in instead of 'women vs men', its 'us vs the patriarchy', fighting against the crafted gender boxes society puts on us for decades. Reject the black and white, and embrace the grey.

On a last note though, if women dont trust, have fear of or dont want a man in their life, then that's completely fine and valid of them to do, They dont owe men anything and their not misandrists for healing from truama/bad experiences with men and/or creating a comfortable life for themselves. Their just doing their own thing, let them do so. Even if they dont like men, that's fine too. This post is specifically those who say that all men sa people, that their all sexual aggressive deviants, basically saying that their all stereotypes that toxic masculinity expects them to be. It's not towards women who just simply dont like men or not want them in their life at all, again its a valid choice that should be respected even if you wouldn't make that choice yourself.

[fulgursmediaanalysisdrama]

Netlixes Witcher writers being publicly outed to hate the books is good, very good actually. Because nothing matches except some aesthetics (at least for season 2. Season 2 sucks)

Finally found someone who brought that up in a convo, I was stoked and wanted to join in, but his very next sentence he complained about how there were black people in the show when Witcher played in a fantasy medieval Europe. And then I didn't want to talk anymore

Bitch wasn't even white himself, well white turk ig idk but that isn't white supremacists white just normal racism, but still bro. Black people existed back then, I promise. Their history of colonialization and general trade and travel is also different, everything is different, only languages and places got loosely kept. Who cares? Like few of the characters are described by skin color, we know there are people from far away lands that aren't secluded from the "medieval europe setting" so even if I accepted your hogwash as good faith it'd be wrong.

This shit makes me so mad, that there is this real thing happening in the netflix behind the scenes where they ruin the story and message in favor of fascist esque opinions or meaninglessness. And then critique of the writers that becomes popular is one by racists because they point our attention to a different unrelated fact and combine it with the "the writers hate the witcher" tidbit that only reveals they themselves don't know Sapkowskis writings or their themes.

But because their audiences read as little or at least as poorly as them and with no curiosity of their own they get away with it.

Probably "the quartering" or someone is his source. Should've asked, didn't want to.

I also have no respect for the witcher games because tbh they breed exactly that. I don't know whether they actually support any of these views but from what I know witcher 1 is a terrible game and 2 only playable. And that from the books misunderstandings like that never arrived, while those who played the games and then read the books (or never did) believe a ton of bad shit about racism and the elves. Now this could also be a (male) gamer problem just maybe (since the games are heavily made to appeal to male power fantasies, something that is the exact opposite of the books imo) but it seems that if the games has the potential to endorse said gamer problems and opinions then it should've made a better job of not doing that.

My criticism isn't that a nude sexy Geralt is shown in the games, it is that in those moments he has too much agency and power in those situations to force the reflection we got in the books, where he is sexualized all over the place and is pretty unhappy most of the time even tho he enjoys both sex and the general company of women. Meanwhile in the games he can just fuck anyone as if it's mass effect 3 and the relationships are about as shallow and bad as they can be

Like another of my roommates, who has played the games but didn't read the books, complained that he didn't like show Yennefer. Neither do I so I thought this could be a cool starting point for a conversation.

My criticism was that she's a big piece of shit but shown as worthy of our understanding and sympathy, and that the way she acts and the way the framing wants us to feel about her and Tissaia are just complete opposites of each other. Unlike book Yen show Yen is one of the worst people I've ever seen. And the character development and time spend on self reflection is nil but suddenly at the end everything is fine and good again.

Jaskier is different, the Witchers themselves are different, the show ends as a celebration of the masculinity that is criticized in the books.

Yeah his criticism was that Yen isn't at all like in the games to him, that she's a different person he doesn't appreciate. She isn't hot

Fuck the games, fuck the show (sorry cd project red, make a better games next time and think about themes more)

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Writing stories that depict racism and misogyny is different than an author actively being those things.

Stephen King has always and will always use the horrors of humanity, the everyday struggles, violence and oppression inside his stories to make them complex, rounded stories.

When you are appaled by the things the characters and narrater say and do then that is the whole point. Then King is doing his job! You are supposed to feel sick and disgusted by it, that is the point of the genre and what King always wanted to evoke in people. You are allowed to critically think about those things in the context of the story.

Fiction is not reality but fiction needs to feed from reality to be immersive and complex.

The Dark Tower is actually really reflective and even pretty meta about those topics inside the story. (I recommend the Kingslinger Podcast that is an extensive literary analysis of all the books)

It's also not hard to find out King's real opinions on those matters.

Is he a perfect moral human being? Of course not and he'd never claim it either. But I'm pretty tired of people taking up books by an author who works with and around those topics and then complain about it without reflecting that it has a purpose.

Ok look, it really seems that we have two different options and while you're here to force me to believe yours (which i won't), i won't do the same because you sound like bitch mother (full offense) and i know where this would all lead anyway.

I'm just gonna say, Stephen King DOES hate women. This is actually a fact. He hates and fears women. Like literal fear. And so that transforms into what he writes, all of his female characters are negative and painted in a negative light. The ones that aren't (in an obvious way) are portrayed like some mysterious creatures that need to be feared. And I'm not the only one seeing this, there are a lot of people who like fantasy and dislike S. King just because of this. Again, if you don't see it then it really tells what sort of person you are and it also tells that we have different views on this and there's no need to argue. Now about racism part, look, I'd be ok if S. King would be black and use n slur for whatever reason in his writing because that would be cultural appropriate. But when a white person does that it's not appropriate and especially when it is in a negative context then it's not acceptable. I am from country where sadly many white people use n slur to describe black people and they don't understand why it's wrong to call them so because they don't hate black people but it's still not ok. Maybe King didn't know any better (just like with mental disorders because Odetta has DID not schizophrenia).

I've read enough of him to know stuff and i am allowed to criticize stuff. If you dislike it, well that's your thing. And i can understand how you feel, if someone would criticize Tolkien in front of me i probably will go and try to defend it (just like you do with S. King) but i know and i can see when there are two options that might be true and i know when to not even bother going into a discussion if someone is like that.

One last thing, if you have read The Witcher series and see nothing wrong in those books then we really have different views and there's no point to discuss anymore because our view will clash no matter what.

[trickstarbrave]

probably the most clear cut way to show how fucked up of an ideology TERFs have is the fact theyre just doomers and white supremacists. they dont have any actual, real solutions to any of the problems they face and complain about. because they don't believe there is an actual solution

they think "men are better, stronger, faster, smarter, and more athletic than women. there are only men and women in society and these are actually biological classifications. women are perpetual victims who are never truly safe around men. men will never understand women and women are doomed to take care of and be subservient to men forever"

there are some variations. some will say they dont believe in "men and women" as social genders and say gender is fake, but will then double down on the same gender stereotypes and say they are biologically innate and that is why women are so oppressed.

they also sometimes offer "solutions" but they aren't actual solutions. its the same shit they've always done which is "dont date and be alone with men" and "what if we went out and created a commune of just women?". but these solutions have always been flawed. their relationships are not genuine and their communities are also historically racist (shocker! /sarcasm). some are very extreme and say that women and men should never live together and the human race is doomed because all reproduction should stop and we should live in separate biological societies until humans die out, but even to the majority of TERFs these guys are nutjobs.

but really, most TERFs don't care about real solutions. they will date and marry men no problem. hell, they'll do shit like have their husbands come with them into the bathroom or stay posted outside with guns, which im sure makes other women feels safe (again. sarcasm). they aren't actually fucking radical at all. they buy into the same fucking patriarchal myths that have existed for centuries. they believe men will always be better than women and all women can do is grovel and be good little housewives and mothers to avoid being beaten, and also that men and women are weird, alien creatures to one another who will never understand each other's experiences and thus should hate each other.

they don't want things to get better. because tbh, this is just another brand of white woman victimhood so many scholars have been talking about for decades (link 1, link 2, theres more if you go looking LMAO). yes, there are TERFs who are women of color, but they are continuing to center the experiences of white women who love to be perpetual victims. they uphold standards of womanhood that are white in nature. and historically they have never been treated well by their white counterparts who, when there are no more trans people to harass, begin turning on them as gender deviants for not upholding the standards of white beauty and white femininity. white victimhood at the hands of men is a tool of white supremacy, hence why it is often women and men of color who have that card turned against them, regardless of if they are cis or not.

TERFs do not want real solutions, they want regression. white victimhood is power. they want to live in perpetual victimhood so they can use that card as they see fit, be it when they see a woman of color they don't like in the bathroom, they can accuse her of being a man and have her thrown out. when they describe trans women, they use descriptors often used to describe POC by racists. they will willingly ally themselves with the alt right because deep down remaining oppressed when it comes to abortion, voting, being able to work outside the home for equal pay, and marriage equality really pale in comparison to the appeal white supremacy has for them. they don't fully consciously recognize it, but it's the truth. which is why a lot of TERFs have fully gone mask off white supremacy tradwives after a while in the movement and have said TERF ideology and white supremacy are not very far from each other.

change isn't possible to them and they dont want it to be. they will handle the suffering and oppression if it means they can exercise control. in fact, they relish in the narrative of a perpetual victimhood, the myth of men being biologically superior to them, because they can use that to their advantage--as seen by having their fucking husbands armed to the teeth waiting outside public restrooms to "protect their wives". attacking the other, attacking the "degenerates" and "undesirables" in society will always come before actually changing their conditions in a material way. because they do believe deep down they will always be protected in the end. it's a privilege they have. and they will find out the hard way when there are no more trans people, no more bi, gay, pan, or other sexual minorities, and no more people of color, the white men will turn on them with the full front of their hatred and violence in ways they never could have imaged. because it always fucking happens.

[fortressofserenity]

The harshest, fiercest critics

From my experience, some of the harshest and fiercest critics of fictional black women often tend to be black men. Like if a white woman in fiction becomes black, black men will decry this real badly. Not all black men, but some of them do. If misogynoir refers to an intersection between racism and sexism when aimed at black women, then some of the worst misogynoir I’ve ever seen came from black men.

Even with original black female characters like Ironheart, they still get criticised real badly for it in a way it wouldn’t have been done with another white male character. I know of a black man who complained about Milestone Comics’s Rocket being unlike other teenage girls in comics, one of those criticisms about her is being a single mother. For some reason, he doesn’t do this with white female characters, even if they could be just as unrealistic.

I have a nagging feeling if people really wanted a realistic or more relatable, perhaps more normal female character she’d turn out more like Cathy Guisewite’s Cathy rather than Kate Pryde. But that’s for another topic, even then it’s kind of telling how his point of reference for a relatable teen girl character is suspiciously a stereotypical white teen girl. As if black girls can’t be normal girls the way white girls get to be.

Like when their baseline for a teen girl character is a stereotypical white girl, I can’t help but wonder if they’re so socialised to expect white women to be the baseline for every woman that it’s going to leave out black women. It’s not that black women can’t be teen mothers, but the white western standard renders them deviant in a way they wouldn’t be in black-majority Nigeria.

Even then, I don’t think all white teen girls (both real and fictional) are like this either. But they keep on bringing up a stereotype as if it were the baseline, the norm and the standard for what fictional black girls should be. It’s not that black girls can’t be boy-crazy, into fashion and stuff but some of the things they describe don’t describe what white female characters are actually like.

Kate Pryde, to my knowledge, is hardly ever this boy-crazy and ironically has more stereotypically male interests (sports, computers and weapons) than female ones, since she barely has much of an interest in fashion and the like. Not that women can’t be into sports, but when coupled with her being contrasted against Emma Frost that it feels misogynistic.

If contrasted against black female characters, it becomes an exercise in misogynoir which is what these men are doing. I remember a blogpost where it states that some black men have a habit of going after women who aren’t in their league, if these women reject them or show disinterest in them in some way they’ll react badly.

To the point where they take on some white women, who might be just as incompatible given the high divorce rate between white women and black men. (The phrase should be if you go black, you go back in light of the high divorce rate between the two.) Their criticisms are barely if ever aimed at white and nonblack women, which makes their contempt for any black women who don’t fit their standards more evident.

They bash her real badly if she dates a white man, whilst thirsting after white and nonblack women. While these relationships can work, those that do don’t work on misogynoir and lust. There was a time when I was into black men, but the more I encounter these whiny characters the more I realise why black male-white female relationships don’t end well.

In the sense that they seem appealing at first, but when their bad sides show up the relationship sours real badly. I followed a black man before and he was really misogynistic, in fact he habitually bashes black women a lot. He’s also into Goth girls especially if they’re fair-skinned, which again proves a common observation that black men go after the unattainable.

His muses tended to be fair-skinned black women, but when they mess up real badly like dating a white man he chastises them real badly. He doesn’t do that with white women that much, which makes me think even if he claims to like black women his contempt for them gets blatant at times. Complaining about black single mothers and the like.

Not appealing, not cool and kind of sad really. Misogynoir is a deadly poison, but something black men indulge in often. Even if not all black men are like this, there are those who are genuinely good but for those who do get into interracial relationships only to witness them end badly they have encountered the rejects. The sort of black men who complain about black women dating Pookies and Ray-Rays.

The sort of black men who complain a lot about black women being ghetto and hood, then bashing said ghetto/hood women in fiction and the like. Any black woman who’s too black, whether physically or culturally, is deemed undesirable. Then they go after women they have little in common with, only to have these relationships turn out to be disasters know little of the risks that lie ahead.

Not all black men are like this, but unfortunately it’s fairly common to encounter black men like these.

[gimme-mor]

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: VISIBLE TO INVISIBLE

*DISCLAIMER*

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the comments I have seen on social media, bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom, and encourage critical thinking and self-reflection. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking real life people. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

It’s no secret that SJM struggles with diversity, often opting for ambiguous words like “tan” or “golden skin” to describe her characters. But over the course of her writing career, she has made efforts to write inclusively; and though her representation falls on the side of bad representation at times, she has made it clear in the text if characters are non-white, describing them with varying shades of brown skin or having dark skin in general. As it stands, the ACOTAR world has a limited number of characters of color, so it’s confusing to see them whitewashed in fanart, fancasts, and fan edits. When whitewashing accusations are brought up in the fandom, they are dismissed with statements like:

It doesn’t matter

Don’t like it? Ignore it and move on

This is art and it’s open to interpretation

As a person of color, you don’t see me complaining

This is just how I imagined the character

The text doesn’t say the characters have ethnic facial features

Fans can cast whoever they want to portray fictional characters the way they imagined them

It’s just fancasting, it’s not that deep

Not everything is about race

If you want people of color to be depicted in the books, go read books specifically about characters of color

Fancasting characters of color as white is not erasing anyone’s race because they’re not real

They’re fictional characters regardless of the book’s description, so who cares if people imagine characters of color differently

Western society has grown so accustomed to the media being dominated by white representations that envisioning a character as white becomes the norm, even when faced with evidence to the contrary. Although nearly all of the characters of color in the ACOTAR series have been subjected to whitewashing, only a handful of illustrations accurately depict Vassa as a woman of color. It can be assumed that because Vassa has features society deems as inherently white (i.e. having red hair, blue eyes, and freckled skin), it is acceptable for the fandom to imagine her character as white despite her having golden-brown skin. This mentality is harmful because it suggests that naturally colored hair, light colored eyes, and freckles are exclusively white features and that people of color with these features don’t exist. The act of whitewashing characters of color in the ACOTAR series marginalizes fans of color in a space that is inherently rooted in white-centeredness, and downplays the impact whitewashing has on fans of color. The continued erasure of characters of color in the series not only normalizes the belief that fandom is a space for white people primarily and people of color secondarily, but it perpetuates the notion that whiteness is better and more palatable in visual media.

From employment to education to healthcare to media, race and discussions about race are inescapable because racism affects everything in society. The media has a history of prioritizing whiteness and white narratives often at the expense of people of color. Racebending, which can be understood as changing the race of a character, occurs not only in fanworks such as fanart, fancasts, and fanfiction, but even in visual media. It allows characters that have been traditionally white to be reinterpreted as people of color in an effort to diversify casts and counter whiteness as the default in both visual media and fanworks. Unfortunately, racebending itself gives way for problematic justifications and assumptions. Whitewashing is a form of racebending that erases characters of color from media and replaces them with white actors. The act of whitewashing characters of color is commonly excused with declarations of artistic or personal interpretations of characters despite the text stating they are not white, which ultimately diminishes the impact whitewashing has on people of color. Aside from that, racebending traditionally white characters as people of color has been framed as an issue that is just as offensive and bad as whitewashing characters of color. In the article “8 Things White Fans Can Do to Make Fandom More Inclusive”, it states:

“. . .You could argue that people often reimagine white characters as characters of color (popularly known as ‘racebending’), so why not do the opposite? The short answer is this: When people racebend a character, they create more diversity. If they’re fans of color, they do so to see themselves in the fictional media they love. When people whitewash a character, they decrease diversity. They’re erasing a character of color and, whether consciously or unconsciously, sending the message that they’d relate more to the character if the character was white. . .” (https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/making-fandom-more-inclusive/).

The belief that racebending traditionally white characters as people of color carries the same racist implications as whitewashing characters of color is equivalent to arguments that proclaim the existence of reverse racism. Racism and prejudice have often been used interchangeably in society, causing racism to be simplified as one group not liking another. Racism involves the marginalization and oppression of racial groups based on a socially constructed racial hierarchy and it combines with socialized power to carry out systematic discrimination through institutional policies and practices. White people can be victims of prejudice but never victims of racism because, unlike people of color, prejudice against white people doesn’t lead to structural, systemic, and lasting disadvantages in education, healthcare, career prospects, and other societal structures. When the element of power is removed from discussions about racism, the definition of racism becomes overly simplified and ignores the real and damaging impact it has on the lives of marginalized people. The impulse behind reverse racism proponents and arguments against racebending traditionally white characters as people of color are motivated, consciously or unconsciously, by the desire to center whiteness in the media while marginalizing people of color in the process. Whitewashing characters of color is incomparable to racebending traditionally white characters as people of color because whitewashing contributes to the continued erasure of people of color in the media. Moreover, racebending traditionally white characters as people of color would only have the same societal effect as whitewashing characters of color if white people faced the same systematic and institutionalized mistreatment experienced by people of color. 

It’s important to be aware of the ramifications of whitewashing and to not view it as insignificant because whitewashing characters of color is rooted in racist ideals and is a method of preserving white dominance in the media. Whitewashing characters of color in a society that favors whiteness is extremely problematic because: it implies that characters of color are inferior to white characters and aren’t as relatable as them; reinforces colorist views that deem brown and dark skin as unattractive; and feeds into the notion that eurocentric standards of beauty are superior to ethnic features. SJM isn’t always clear with her character descriptions in relation to skin tone but when she is, the ACOTAR fandom should take notice because when characters are described as not white then they’re not white.

[wenellyb]

I have a general comment to make about the whole Sebastian thing, not on the Instagram picture, because it is not my place to comment, but a general comment about dealing with racism in the fandom, and some of the behavior I have seen on Tumblr.

I have a story to share first and it's not really related to fandoms, or shipping Sambucky or even Sebastian Stan directly but it's about how White people see racism, so I hope some people will read this and think about it.

I just want to say one thing... if you want to comment this, please read until the end before you do.

And please bear in mind that I'm not talking for anybody else but only my own experience and my opinion.

I see a lot of people get defensive when racism is called out in the fandom,whether it is them or a celebrity they love, and a lot of them try to deny it, or try to find excuses.

I understand why they do it, but it's really not the right way. The correct way is to sit down, listen, think about it and THEN only then can you deny or accept the accusations.

Here’s the story:

I was once with my group of friends and I don't know what prompted the question but they asked me if I thought all White people were racist. And you can guess it, I'm the only Black woman in my group of friends. We're all French and 5 of my friends have Asian orgins (Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos) and 3 of my Friends are White. Just planting the decor, lol.

I don't know why they asked, but we're always having debates like these on different topics so i just answered...

I told them that yes, that I thought all White people are racists, and that racism is not just hating all Black people, or all non-White people, but also includes a multitude of other aspects that enables racism to prosper.

It can be some unconscious feeling that you or White people in general are a tiny/ a lot better than Black people, it can be making or laughing at racists jokes, it can be denying racism even exists anymore: " But it's 2021, those kind of things don't exist anymore" this is also harmful, because then when your friends come talking to you complain about an encounter that was racist.... you will minimize it because "racism doesn't exist anymore so it can't be racist" so even though your intentions may not be bad... You are protecting the racists, intentionally or not etc...

There are so many more aspects to racism than just being a far right extemist who hates all foreigners. Racists don't only look like that.

I won't expand on this, but there are many more aspects, I mean I could expand, but it's not the point of my posts, the point of my post is that they asked me and I made a mini essay to explain that the way I see it, there are "levels" of racism (for lack of a better word), and that in that aspect, all White people were racist. People think that you need to be a far right white supremacist, to be racist, you really don’t.

And I told my White female friend, let's call her Alice, that she was the only White person I knew who wasn't racist (implying that my other two friends were racist).

To be honest, I don't think that all White people are racist, my uncle is White and he's the furthest from racist you'll ever find, but I said it anyway because otherwise some people would never question themselves. If I say this people will either get defensive and deny it, or reflect on it and try to assess if they have some internalized stuff they didn't explore and didn't know. But if I say that not all White people are racists, my friends would have directly thought they were off the hook.

What I do believe is that a lot of people are racist and just don’t realize it because they only think about the "extreme" cases of racism.

So I said to my friends that I thought all white poeple were racist and two things happened, and I wasn't expecting any of it:

- My White male friend, let's call him Pierre, listened carefully, and said that in what I had described, he admitted that he was indeed racist, he acknowledged that he did have some prejudice if he was being honest, and also that he had made some racists jokes so that even though he never considered himself racist, hearing what I was saying he said that on some levels, he was indeed racist.

Bear in mind that this is the friend whose favorite character in Black Panther was Martin Freeman, and had already argued in other conversations that positive discrimination made it difficult for White straight Men to find a job (When by the way he has never struggled to find a job a day in his life so go figure, besides there is no postive discrimination policies in France or anything, so I don't even know why he said that).

So knowing my friend, I knew he had some kind of prejudice, obviously, I just didn't think he would really think about what I was saying and admit it.

This was kind of a big deal, and I would never have thought that he would have admitted it, I thought he was the one I would have to argue with, but nope, he listened.

- Then my friend Alice, the one I had told was the only White Person I knew who wasn't racist, got mad and got defensive, even though she was the only one I hadn't called racist to her face. I said specifically she was the one White person I knew who wasn't racist because from previous discussions she was the most open when it came to discuss issues on racism.

However, she's the one who wouldn't really listen and said that I should not generalize about all White poeple, all that kind of stuff, so eventually I had to apologize to her and told her "It's not because all White People I know are racist that all White people are". I had to rephrase this way.

A few months later, I received a message from my friend Pierre, he's Alice's boyfriend by the way. He texted me that they were having Sunday lunch with her family, and someone asked Alice about a Black woman she knew, and Alice answered " She's pretty for a Black girl"...

So many things to unpack, the violence of those words thrown around so casually, those words being said by someone who doesn't consider herself racist, and also, the fact that I would have never known this if her own boyfriend hadn't texted me this.

"She is pretty for a Black girl" is one of the most disgusting and White Supremacist thing she could have said: All Black people/women are ugly by default but that girl is a little bit over that standard?" I don't know any context where that sentence isn't awful.

And also, I'm her friend, am I supposed to be relieved that maybe I'm in the basket of the "pretty ones" or should I consider myself as a member of the other crowd?

There's no way around it, what she said was so f*cked up.

This is why your " I can't be racist I have a Black friend" doesn't mean anything by the way. It doesn't mean anything. She's one of my closest friends.. we had a group trip together for my birthday. So she's not a casual friend, she was in my close group of friends.

The only silver lining is that by doing this, she exactly proved my point.

So according to you, who's the "ally"?

A White guy who recognizes he has prejudice and works on his racism and will call it out when he sees it, even if it's coming from his own girlfriend?

Or a White woman who considers herself an "ally" and doesn't think she is racist, but in the safety of her home doesn't hesitate to say racist stuff when she is surrounded by her White relatives?

It's no use being an "ally" if you're going to be defensive and deny everything or forget you're an ally the minute it is your favorite celebrity being called out.

Getting defensive whenever people start talking about racism is suspicious. If you feel called out, think about it, work on yourself and find out if what you’re being called out for is legitimate or not. And you know what maybe it isn’t? Maybe you Tumblr user X are not racist or you don't have prejudice, but you will never know if you don’t ask yourself and shut down the discussion from the beginning.

Just after the picture was posted a lot of people had already chosen their camp.

Even if you first reaction is defensiveness and wanting to deny it all, the first step should always be to sit back and think about it, and it's not only about racism, you listen first, think about it, and THEN and only then do you deny it or confirm it. Nobody is perfect, but the people who choose to stay obtuse in certain situations are really not helping and are by far the worst.

Stop finding excuses for Sebastian, of course don't go on his Instagram, don't harrass him, don't insult him... But also stop finding him excuses before you have taken the step to listen to the people who have something to say about it. Listen first, you’ll find the excuses later.

Also, most probably the people who are calling him out here on Tumblr are not the ones going on his Instagram to harass him (well at least I hope not) so why can't we have the conversation here?

We can have the conversations here on Tumblr, and discuss it... But the discussions will go nowhere if everybody just gets defensive.

Same thing when we call out racism in the fandom... Your first reaction shouldn't be to get defensive but to listen, I’m taking the example of the MCU but if we say there was racism in the Stucky fandom, don’t try to make it seem like there’s a Sambucky VS Stucky “ship war”, listen to why people are saying this, and then you can draw you own conclusions.

Here, for the Sebastian story, let's listen to what Buddhist people have to say, first. Maybe they will say the post was problematic maybe not... And we'll learn something.

My first thought is also to get defensive when I read a post and feel called out, but that's not the correct way, you may have some prejudice and not even realize it, or realize it and be in denial...

This might be contreversial but it is my opinion that most people are not hardcore racists. But their unwillingness to acknowledge their racist tendencies, working on it... or even staying silent when blatant racism is on display is what enables racism to live long and prosper.

On Twitter or other Social Media people will be openly racist without a problem, but Tumblr prides itself in being open and tolerant, but when it comes to really calling out racism, then it’s crickets-

If you don't want to do anything about racism... It's ok, I really mean it... It is ok.

If it doesn't disturb you when the non-White characters are treated differently in your fandoms it is ok, I'm serious... If you want to enjoy your Tumblr life without thinking about racism it is more than fine, you really have no obligation... It’s ok to stay away from some conversations. 

But please... please, please don't stand in the way of people who are trying to do something about it. 

And most importantly don't say you want to fight racism or that you are an "ally" but when you are called out or someone else is called out, you try to minimize everythin with "Not everything had to be about race"

Yes, not everything has to do with racism but you'll never know if you don't sit down and think about it first. Maybe Seb’s post wasn’t offensive, I don’t know. But how will we know if it was or not if we don’t listen to the people who are affected by that post?

This isn't even really about Seb himself but about the way some people in the fandom behave... How people just go to extremes without even trying to discuss first.

I love Seb as an actor, but I don’t know him and I’ll probably never meet him, I won’t spend the next days trying to defend him or accuse him, he and I live different lives that will never intersect, and it's fine like that, but I will listen to people who have been affected by his post and have something to say about it.

Seb will be fine, his career will be fine, he probably even has someone handling his social media... But the people on Tumblr who have to accept racism in silence and have had to do it for years will not be fine, if the coversations keep getting shut down before they even start. 

Everyone skipped the listening part and jumped to the defending or condemning part. And also a lot of things from the past re-surfaced (take a knee post, some instagram likes I guees) which makes it even more difficult if people skip the listening part.

To me, there are 2 groups of people, people who have prejudice and want to do something about it and people who have prejudice but don't want to do anýthing about it...

I don't know in which group Seb is and I don't know him so I won't be spending days trying to figure it out... 

But from what I've seen, at least in the MCU and Star Wars fandoms, I know in which group a lot of people in Tumblr users are and if some of them want to switch groups, it’s never too late.

[palukoo]

So! @thxngam and @claudiasjeancregg enabled me to talk about that scene in Dead Irish Writers and oh boy did I run with it! 

So... the scene is super interesting for several reasons... let’s dive in...

It’s a scene that’s just women, and, by West Wing standards, several women, and you realize you’ve never really seen all the main women together without the men before that, I think. I mean, you also really haven’t seen how Donna and Abbey interact, which is why this scene is so good

The four of them actually have two scenes with this sort of thing off the top of my head-- this, and then during Zoey’s kidnapping arc with Amy and CJ trying to stop Abbey from going into the press room (though Donna doesn’t talk in that one)

I probably will bring this up again but on top of this not being a dynamic the audience has seen before, I don’t think it’s a dynamic that they’ve had before in this combination... like... 

Any group of two of them I will accept having spent some time together, though I doubt Donna and Abbey are close (partially due to the power dynamics I’ll get into later) and Donna and Amy don’t know each other well

Any group of the three of them? Not so much

Amy, CJ, and Abbey maybe, because they do say or imply that Amy knows both of them and is friends (?) with both of them before we ever see her, but... I don’t see her as being particularly close with the campaign or administration, so... (but I’m SO glad we get it here and during the kidnapping arc)

Amy, CJ, and Donna is a dynamic I adore and that I think this scene kinda opens the door for it in a lot of ways but again, since I don’t think Amy and Donna are close at all at this point and Amy’s not that close the the administration at this point, I don’t see it

CJ, Donna, and Abbey I will absolutely accept actually but not in any sort of like meaningful or non professional context. The way Donna reacts to being invited in in this scene? This is new for her

Amy, Donna, and Abbey? Nope. Love it as a concept, but nope

So the four of them? Yeah, no

Which is relevant in like. The way women get to interact on screen and like. The way women are isolated in male dominated fields

(Amy, working for the WLC, is certainly in a less male dominated subset of the male dominated field of politics, as is Donna since a bunch of the assistants are women, and I get that Abbey has a very specific and gendered position in the show, but she and CJ are both absolutely in male driven fields)

And it’s relevant because Abbey’s shifting her anger into this like, feminist framing where she doesn’t not have a point (I’ll get there) but it’s also not really the whole story at all, which is why I think it was very smart of them to have it be this group to call her on it, because from any of the guys it would’ve been... easily yikes?

The other absolutely crazy thing here is the power dynamics which I know people have talked about before and CJ even calls attention to but you’ve got like

Abbey is sort of CJ’s boss, and her friend, but the nature of their positions in the administration are weird and they’re both honestly undermined a fair amount but a lot of the admin doesn’t take First Lady/Abbey seriously, so! It’s interesting!

Not in a direct sort of way but CJ clearly has more power than Donna, and they’re also friends

Do the math on Abbey and Donna, plus again we don’t really see them interact before this

Amy sort of exists outside of this, because she’s the only one who doesn’t work in the White House, but that also like. Is a dynamic in it of itself. She also definitely has a more visible and overtly powerful position than Donna and is sort dating Donna’s boss, so?

Also Abbey used to babysit for Amy which just makes this. A lot!

So I’m gonna try to sort of break the scene up into parts and do it like that. If I wanted to make this even longer, I would start before this scene because there’s a lot of relevant context/lead up, but I’ll just mention it

Donna’s just found out she’s not a citizen which is a lot

Amy’s kind of pissed at Josh who’s kind of pissed at her

Abbey’s also kind of pissed at Josh probably, especially if she caught any of what he was saying to Amy

Abbey didn’t want a whole thing and is obviously stressed about her license

CJ’s the one who caught that the guy was recusing himself and had to tell Abbey

“Claudia Jean?” “Yes, ma’am?” “Let’s go get drunk.” “Okay” should be a master class in acting

Also relevant is Abbey choosing CJ and Amy to get drunk with for this. They’re career women in politics who are her friends and who should understand this sort of.

So they get to the residence... “Awasiwi Odinak, far from the things of man...”

Abbey instantly cuts to complaining about Jed bc she’s angry at him and in her defense only some of it is misplaced!

But like... she says “what a jackass” and CJ immediately says “I’m gonna open the wine” in a very “can we not do this” way, and Amy just... is there. Hanging out. Trying to open drawers

As a note on that there is no way Amy’s being like. Genuine there. I love how awkward she is but she’s not about to take notes while getting drunk with them. She’s being awkward and funny and avoidant and I love her (like as a random note Amy is... very rarely still)

When she comes to sit with them and sits on the arm of the couch, it’s a really interesting detail that I see as her sitting as far away from them as she can without it seeming so blatant

And Abbey keeps talking, and neither of them really respond 

CJ with the corkscrew is of course iconic and funny and I think it’s part of the reason the scene works and it makes sense because CJ’s uncomfortable in this scene. Her rambling about the corkscrew prevents her, momentarily, from being in this uncomfortable position that she’s put into so much more later where she’s thrown into the issues of Abbey and Jed’s marriage and she really doesn’t want to be because she has a ton of respect and care for both of them

What I mean by “the reason the scene works” is that it needs to keep being drawn back to funny before it can snap. It’s a very specific kind of bubbling tension, and I really like it

Abbey saying “I’m board certified in thoracic surgery” brings you back to the fact that maybe she won’t be for very long, but it’s said as a joke and moved on from quickly, so you can’t dwell on it

I describe Abbey in this scene as “erratically vulnerable” which I don’t know if that’s quite right, but I think there’s maybe a glimpse of her realizing what she’s saying here, and the specific implications in that moment, and then changing subjects immediately

And of course she asks Amy about Josh...

What I find really interesting about this is Amy’s response of “he’s... you know... he’s adjusting.”

Amy doesn’t pull punches with Josh usually, but she does here (she also seems to earlier when she tells him he’s right, but then she gets Abbey to bug him) and I think it’s because we’re seeing her talk about Josh, not to Josh

Abbey says “well let him adjust faster. Jackass.” which is again, funny, but so so indicative of how frustrated she is and how she’s taking it out because literally earlier in the episode she says to Amy and Josh something like “I still haven’t gotten credit for this (I love them and their responses of “we’ll see” and “jury’s still out” to that)

Enter Donna!

Side note on timing, Donna walking in as Abbey insults Josh vs Abbey walking up as Josh insults Abbey

Donna coming in shifts this scene a lot

For one thing, it sets up this interesting play (that feels like me being really contrived and probably is) on audience proxy, that if I get into will only complicate things so I guess... if you’re curious, ask

(Donna plays audience proxy a lot in The West Wing as they explain political concepts and whatnot, and it’s not a thing you see so much in these really character driven scenes because it becomes unnecessary and sort of clunky

But the thing is that in this scene at this point, Amy feels very audience proxy-y... I will concede that in any given scene it’s easy for me to default, in analysis, to Amy and her perspective, but she feels very much like an observer of CJ’s jokes and Abbey’s anger thus far in the scene-- it definitely shifts back to Donna after the fade out)

I also want to shout out Donna’s body language here! The way she steps in cautiously and plays with her hands as she talks is really good at showing her discomfort, and I think it’s neat to draw a parallel here between her and Amy a minute or two before. Like, seriously though, watch her hands in this scene. It’s so good

But Donna walking in this room shifts things!!

Pulls attention to the... D plot? I don’t know, it’s the B plot of the scene, but there’s a lot going on in this episode, which is funny in the context of watching it if not for Donna, and away from Abbey’s heavy plot here, like a pressure valve in that tension I was talking about. Donna looks nervous here, but everyone else seems to relax

It also makes this more of a... White House thing. Like, because Abbey and Donna specifically probably have not been friends much, it further complicates the lines between personal and professional relationships here

But let’s actually talk about the dialogue a little bit, because I think it’s really funny that she’s there looking for Amy for Josh, when Josh knows she left to get drunk with CJ and Abbey, and there’s not a second in that room where Amy is going to leave. It somehow feels shoehorned/plot device-y but also in character at the same time?

The line is “Josh was looking for Amy” to which Abbey says “She’s right here” and Amy just waves weirdly with half her hand since she’s holding her glass. Yes I know I keep fixating a little on Amy’s physicality, but it’s SO good

And then Abbey says “Where have you been all night?”

One of my FAVORITE exchanges this episode is “It’s a little tough to explain, ma’am.” “Tougher to explain than secretly prescribing Betaseron?”

The way Abbey jokes about it!! It’s very specific because it’s not an “I’m moving past it so I can joke about it” it’s that she’s specifically bitter and it comes out... not hostile, but something

That’s sort of what I mean by erratic vulnerability?

Donna explaining the citizenship issue with CJ’s convenient questions is a nice break, like I said, and Amy’s “you seem pretty calm about it” gives Donna the room to freak out about it a little

And Donna freaking out about it a little gives Abbey room to be the “rational” one? Not exactly?

It’s also just a nice contrast in how they show their anxieties and it works really well for them as characters

Donna goes to leave, and Abbey invites her to stay

Which is also interesting? Since like I said, I don’t think they’re friends

But it’s also super in character because there’s something very grandiose about Abbey and it’s there in this scene. Like she... wants an audience? Even as she’s sort of trying to get away from this room where she’s forced to perform? I don’t know

Donna’s genuine excitement here is so cute

She sits even further from them than Amy had, on a chair instead of the couches

Another great exchange? “I probably shouldn’t drink, though” “I wouldn’t worry about it!”

There’s also something a little awkward and desperate about Amy’s “Canadian, huh?” like she’s trying to fill the silence and keep it from driving straight back to Abbey’s anger and identity crisis, and I just like how they play off each other here

CJ "opens" the bottle, Abbey says they'll decant it, Amy says "Now it's a party" and does the most iconic slide from the arm of the couch onto the cushions with Abbey

And then it cuts back in, and they're all boozier, especially, evidently, CJ!

But there’s something to be said, if we’re tracing body language, for Donna now being on the couch and Amy leaning into Abbey so much

With the later context that they’ve known each other since Amy was a kid, I accept it, but it’s absolutely crazy in the context of Abbey as the First Lady and Amy joining them because “you think I don’t wanna write a book some day?”

I mean, I love it either way, but it makes more sense with the retroactive context

I love love love CJ laughing and rambling about the cork and the wine and then you get another really important shift. Because Abbey seems annoyed in general but more amused than anything by CJ’s tangents before the fade out, and she’s at this point way less endeared.

Which totally makes sense, of course, ‘cause if you’re stressed and frustrated, anything is going to annoy you, including and honestly especially your friend being rambly about something completely irrelevant

I also love Donna looking around at Abbey and Amy while CJ is talking trying to make like conspiratorially amused eye contact, it’s a really subtle, human detail

Anyways, Abbey interrupts CJ to make her stop (This is another body language thing where I love how leaned back she is, how she rubs at her forehead as CJ keeps going on)

And it’s here I’m gonna start being REALLY pedantic probably

“Mrs. Bartlet, I wanted to ask you a question but I’m not sure how” “What?” 

First of all, this feels so... soft? This is actually why I’ll accept the babysitter thing

Amy playing with Abbey’s dress is so! good! Look, Amy’s so fidgety and I adore it!!

Also, I love this because Amy clearly doesn’t really want to ask, but she’s also not good at keeping quiet when something is bothering her

“Well, if the most they can give you is a year's suspension, is it...?” “That big a deal?”

Amy stops herself! Because she doesn’t want to say it! Or doesn’t know how to 

Amy never actually criticizes her in this scene, which is neat, because Amy’s practically introduced to us through criticizing Abbey. One of her first lines in the show is “[Abbey] isn’t doing enough for women” and she has lines like “I’ll keep poking him with a stick. That’s how I show my love” but in Privateers, Josh also tells her “it’s okay to tell her you disagree with her” while Amy’s refusing to go against her. It’s not inconsistent-- I just think Amy has a think about criticizing Abbey to her face, kind of, and here, while Abbey’s this upset, of course she’s hesitant at best

“Yes.” “Yes. I'm a doctor. It's not like changing your major. You of all people should...”

Abbey really says this to Amy “who has had seven jobs in three years” Gardner, Amy “and I’d [stake my job and career on a political issue] again” Gardner... “you of all people should...” Amy’s a career driven feminist lobbyist, but she’s not someone who can tie her identity to a job which is the real issue Abbey’s having, she just wants to frame it like this

I love the way Amy looks down during this, too

(“You of all people should...” makes a lot more sense, actually, after Amy loses her job because of her and Josh’s political fights over marriage incentives in welfare reauthorization)

((Also, how many times did Donna change her major? It’s not relevant, really, it just makes this an even funnier room for Abbey to say this in))

“I mean, women talk about their husbands overshadowing their careers. Mine got eaten”

She’s valid for being angry about this, but also she’s conflating things. She’s not losing her license just because of Jed

Like, it’s fair for her to hate how much of herself and her career and her life she’s had to give up because her husband is the president. I think it’s important, even with Donna’s also valid criticism here in a minute, that Abbey’s not being irrationally upset. It’s a choice she played a part in making, but it was never going to be a good choice for her, and it isn’t really fair to her, and it isn’t really any one person’s fault

And yes, I DO love how Abbey talks with her hands here. It’s that kind of grandiose thing about her

“Your husband got eaten” “My career” “Yeah, well, I’m on dangling modifier patrol” “What is your problem?”

I’m going to lose it a little bit here, because it’s really funny at face value

Like, this is one of my favorite tww comedic moments. The timing is so good. But trying to analyze this scene? Watching this scene multiple times? This is them being snippy with each other. CJ is upset here, with Abbey

(One of the things I really like about Sorkin-style rapid fire dialogue is that there’s a rewatchability where you pick up on different things each time)

CJ’s really subtle about it, which is... CJ is very subtle about her emotions a lot and there’s something similar you can look at throughout the show as a whole and also this episode in particular with the different ways that she, Abbey, and Jed learn to put on facades and deal with being very, very public people. Abbey in particular in this episode has a lot of rapid demeanor shifts, but you get the same thing from CJ going to brief in some of the heavier episodes, or, like, Jed at Leo’s funeral

I mean, really, the “What is your problem” feels way more jarring than anything CJ has said because outwardly she’s just been joking, but there’s... a tension or something? A flatness to her voice? A lack of amusement? It’s a really stark contrast to how she’s been overly amused about the cork or whatever. It’s good, and I like that Abbey picks up on it and doesn’t let it keep going unspoken

I do wanna take a second here because CJ doesn’t fully answer, I don’t think, so I wanna answer for her

A part of it is just her loyalty to Jed, too, and specifically to the president I think, and the awkwardness of being thrown into Abbey being so disparaging about that 

I also think that, as a character who takes on a lot of personal responsibility and, to an extent, guilt (less than some of the others, or at least less overtly), and internalizes a lot, it sort of bothers her that Abbey’s refusing to take responsibility here, like, at all, and that Abbey is externalizing all of her anger

The other thing is that we do unpack all of the team feeling betrayed and upset and angry with Jed and even sort of Leo during the whole MS plot, but we don’t really deal with any of them being angry with Abbey

And none of them would be, particularly, because she’s not their boss, their career, their friend, but she is CJ’s friend

She tells CJ “I wanted to be there when you were told” but she didn’t say “I wanted to tell you” (which. I could write a lot more about this but this is already too long)

And I think CJ hasn’t had any opportunity to address or unpack that

Oh, and here we see CJ refilling her own AND Donna’s glasses, meaning Donna is drinking. I would love to see the full transition between the scenes tbh

“Are you First Lady right now?” I love CJ’s sigh leading up to that, the way she doesn’t want to get into it

“What are you talking about?” “Sometimes you like to talk, and I think that’s great, but sometimes you're Abbey and sometimes you’re my boss, and I respect both very much, but--”

HOW is CJ this eloquent moments after the corkscrew monologue? 

No, but this is really it, and speaking of taking things under the surface and calling them out (wow, I did it, the whole analysis, right there...), CJ is just shining a massive light on the weird power dynamics here, and that everyone in this room other than Abbey has a really, really valid reason to feel uneasy in this conversation because of those power dynamic

“I’m Abbey.” “Yes, I agree with her”

Cutting it off right here because I love how quick they are with this. Like, it’s Sorkin, so duh, but Abbey’s hand up cutting CJ off and as soon as she’s spoken, CJ jumping in to say what she wants to

This is interesting because Amy hasn’t exactly made a point for CJ to agree with, also. Like, it’s supposed to be “is it really a big deal?” but Amy did not say that. I just think it’s neat

Also, because I’m obsessed with CJ and Amy’s implied friendship, I love this moment

“Look, they take this job away from me, I got nothing. I don't have a cat. I could get one, but I don't have one. Frankly, I'm not wild about cats. I don't hate them. I'm just not... I could learn to like them, I guess, if I...”

CJ losing the thread here again gives the scene it’s rhythm... it’s ebb and flow of tension and humor... it’s funny, to watch this, but you also kind of want to get back to the point, too

“CJ?” (with the pointed arm motion, too) “You've got a husband, children, a home and a life. And we're talking about one year of your not having a medical license.”

I think CJ is mostly being like “It’s not all you are” and sort of “stop complaining” but it’s also a step away from a point that Amy also ends up approaching, which is... First Lady is a weird position, and they do something specific with it in the west wing

Essentially, neither Abbey nor Helen wants it and it sort of becomes about sacrifice and loyalty and public and political and private life balance, but the First Lady is a public figure, with responsibilities and powers and careers, and it’s fair to on a professional level be upset with Abbey for being so dismissive about those

It’s also fair for Abbey to resent being thrust into this role she doesn’t want

“Jed got censured, and that came with no tangible penalty, and it was a banner headline, and he's having a slow nervous breakdown.”

The way I interpret this is both that she’s bitter at having to bear the tangible penalty of the two of them, and she’s trying to justify being upset at it, at the perceived injustice

ALSO, Abbey’s voice here makes me want to cry, because she sounds like she’s about to cry, and I realize half of this analysis is me saying “Yeah they were right to call Abbey out” but like. You do feel for Abbey here. You understand why she made the choices she did and why she’s upset at having made them, at being put in a position to make them

CJ looking away and almost rolling her eyes here is also really good, she’s so frustrated at Abbey just willfully missing the point 

“That’s different” “Why?” “‘Cause it is, and you know it.”

The thing that makes it different is actually, I think, basically the point Donna’s about to make. Like CJ’s close to making that same point, because the thing that makes it different is that what Abbey did is directly related to her doing her job poorly, essentially, and what Jed did isn’t, so of course she’s gonna get a more tangible penalty

“Okay, I’m First Lady again” “Okay.”

Abbey saying that is obviously a shield but also feels so vulnerable, like an admission that she can’t take it

CJ’s tone here is so good, too. Like she is backing off but the way she says it like “Okay well if you don’t wanna hear it that’s fine I guess”

Again, god, watch their hands

“You are First Lady, Abbey.” “Yes.” “And it’s not like it’s been a detour from healthcare” “No” “What, you’ve expanded Medicare to...” etc etc

Cutting in after that and keeping talking about it is... pretty bold honestly

The thing here is that Amy’s both arguing CJ’s point, basically, of like, you still have things, a career, and reassuring Abbey and being like it’s not giving you or your priorities or your identity up

It’s very smart, and it reminds me that Amy is, in very specific circumstances, really good at this sort of communication

I also love that she can list all this off. Like, of course she can, but I love it

When CJ says “There’s plenty of stuff left” I really wonder if she’s supposed to mean to list or to do but I like the sort of ambiguity there

Here’s another bit where the tension subsides, and the thing is, this is a weird sort of fake out ‘cause it almost feels like that’s going to be it, but no one has said the thing, the tension hasn’t fully erupted yet

“That’s not the point” “What’s the point?”

The point is that Abbey never wanted this, it’s not her, and god, I want to hug her

“I’m a doctor” could be a really poignant beat because that’s also the thing Abbey hasn’t explicitly said yet, or at least not emphasized, that this is about feeling like her identity is being taken away

But do they let us sit with this line? No. If they gave us a beat here, Donna’s line would feel weird on several levels

“Oh, Mrs. Bartlet, for crying out loud, you were also a doctor when your husband said, ‘Give me the drugs, and don't tell anybody,’ and you said, ‘Okay.’”

Donna has not spoken, I should point out, since before the fade to black. It makes the line really slap you in the face. Everything about this line, from timing (immediately after line before, long pause after it) to who is saying it is designed for impact, surprise

She’s also saying it very nonchalantly, half laughing. There’s a lot about her delivery that is exasperated, genuinely frustrated criticism, but it’s also just... almost playful teasing for a second in there

More on why it’s Donna saying it, though

I think you just don’t expect Donna to be... it’s not quite rude. Antagonistic at all? Beyond like lightly teasing the others? Certainly not to Abbey especially with the lead in of her being surprised and honored by being invited to drink with them

Amy criticizing Abbey doesn’t have the same impact. She’s not a main character, you’re probably gonna take Abbey’s side, really, and Amy criticizing her, like I said, isn’t new

You can’t take the personal elements out of CJ saying it. You can’t. They don’t give us a ton of context on CJ and Abbey’s friendship, but it’s very clearly deep, and CJ has also already explicitly backed off as far as this conversation

Remember what I said about audience proxy? Donna’s kinda their go to every-man, and this also is a window into how the public would feel about it. For the like, hundredth time, Donna and Abbey are not close, and she’s as close as you can get in this show, maybe, to an objective messenger for this while it’s still from a trusted, likeable main character. You have to balance feeling for Abbey with Donna’s valid point here

Also, Donna’s really good at reading people and casually calling them out/breaking things down.

(Aka being a stand in for explaining things (if it’s political, explain it to Donna, if it’s someone’s emotional shit they’re too repressed to say but you want the audience to get anyway, explain it through Donna. This isn’t criticism, I exploit the second often in my fic)

See also: her and CJ in No Exit, her and Amy about Josh in Commencement

(Donna doesn’t actually look at Abbey like at all as she’s saying this. She’s mostly vaguely looking down or looking at Amy. I don’t know what to do with that, exactly)

Abbey’s stare here!! It’s... shellshocked. Because I don’t know that she really has processed like, no, this was your mistake too, you did have agency in this, etc, bc she’s been using the anger as a defense all episode

Amy’s face is comical here, which I think is mostly not expecting that from Donna (which is the point) or from anyone to Abbey. Based on their relationship, there’s probably some base defensiveness on Abbey’s behalf, but I also think, and this is more headcanon, that like this is a position Amy’s been in before

“I used to get you in some jams” “Yes you did” plus her whole vibe, I have to assume Amy’s stepped out of line with Abbey before

CJ doesn’t look surprised, because hey! She knows both Donna and Abbey well, so she can maybe see it coming more, and like I said, I think she was really about to make the same point before Abbey stopped her, kind of. She looks like she’s waiting for it to catch up with Donna

And catch up it does! She looks over, panicked, to CJ, like she’s just remembered the whole layout of power dynamics CJ articulated

“Oh my god. You switched back to First Lady” “That’s alright”

I love that the first thing Donna says isn’t an apology, isn’t saying she was wrong, she shouldn’t have said that, she’s out of line, it’s just panic

And the fact that Abbey quickly just reassures her after! It’s so good

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Bartlet” “It’s okay”

The camera staying on Abbey here is really smart, the way she shakes her head and you can watch her distracted reassurance, her processing 

Even without the “O Canada” etc stunt, I would insist, from Abbey’s reaction here, that she really isn’t upset with Donna, she’s just upset, but she does know, really, that she needed to hear that, that she’ll be grateful for it

CJ and Amy both make faces that are kind of like... quietly agreeing with Donna. Like a “Well, yeah, and now it’s been said, and that’s... a relief?” It’s good for the release of tension they finally give us

“He took the censure standing up, Abbey. I was very proud to have voted for him that day.” “Me, too.”

This is not the place for me to unpack my feelings on Amy and Jed

Her calling her Abbey here is interesting, personal, considering she’s been calling her “Mrs. Bartlet” all night and they’ve explicitly gone over the “you switched back to first lady” but I think it really works for the line

With this, it’s different, too, because it did come with no tangible penalty for Jed, but it’s still... something about integrity, maybe.

And Abbey saying “Me, too” is so gently hopeful, in a way, and it’s the first positive thing she’s said about Jed this whole time, really, and it gives you a nice feeling, like it’s going to be okay. Abbey and Jed, and Abbey just as a person

Donna looks so sort of regretful here you just want to reassure her that Abbey really, really isn’t upset with her, that she appreciates it, but it’s okay because you get the Canadian flags at the end

“Let’s get back to the party” is sort of one of the switches I’m talking about with Abbey, and you need it to move the episode along, and it wraps it all up

anyways this is an 11 page document and i’m sorry

[foodieforthoughts]

Sand and Stars - Chapter Three

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 1834

Warnings: 18+, Mentions of war, military technicalities, smut in future chapters

A/N: Everyone who is sticking around for this story, I love you all. So finally there is a bit of story progression and I really am excited for your feedback. Also, thanks to @thelastsock for beta reading, this woman is a GEM! Like, comment and reblog if you liked it, we writers get a boost of confidence from it. Enjoy!

*gif by @demivampirew*

<Chapter Two

Title: Chapter Three

Olivia rubbed her hands together as the cold January winds washed over her face. Her four in the morning wake up had her relieving Schmidt from his patrol post. Despite wearing her t-shirt underneath her fatigues and the armored vest strapped on her torso, she shivered as a gush of wind swept over the silent desert.

The temperature in the Iraqi desert usually dropped down extensively, in contrast to the sweltering heat during the day. Olivia loved winter mornings but only when she was back home in New York, watching the sun rise through the fog with a steaming cup of coffee. Oh what would I do to get a cup of coffee right now.

She spotted Sloan behind a barricade made with sandbags along with BJ, or Sergeant Benjamin Jones, by her side. In a funny twist of events, two weeks of an unusually high amount of scheduled postings together was all it had taken for Margaret Sloan to stop complaining about his boisterous attitude and morph into fawning over the man. Olivia had an inkling that BJ was behind the coincidences of them spending time together so often.

Walking across the quiet compound, Olivia reached the gate where Schmidt stood with two more men from the Special Forces team, whom she recognized as Pepps and Pats. Schmidt smiled at her as she approached him which she returned with her own while pulling on her gloves. Adjusting her rifle properly around her shoulder, Olivia greeted the other two men who were in the process of pulling out cigarettes from a box.

“Morning, Sarge,” Schmidt greeted while accepting a cigarette from Pepps, “I can go to bed now.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m here for.” She pulled at the scarf on her neck, winding it snuggly to prevent the wind licking at her exposed skin. Pats offered a cigarette to her which she promptly refused.

“What? You stopped smoking?” Schmidt spoke with the cancer stick between his lips, staring incredulously at her.

“Like you don’t know.” She rolled her eyes.

Schmidt shrugged his shoulder, lighting the cigarette and handing the camouflage print lighter back to Pepps. He let out a thick puff of smoke in the air with the other two giving similar clouds as they walked away.. “I blame Alex for changing you.” Schmidt said while shaking his head. “He’s made you bland like our MREs.”

Olivia snorted. “I don’t change for men, Gary. And besides, smoking isn’t good for health.”

“Who are you and what have you done to our Sergeant Red?”

Olivia laughed while punching Schmidt in the shoulder. Schmidt laughed along, taking drags of his stick in between. The silence of the night with not even the sound of insects was apparent in the pitch-black darkness beyond the gates. The silence felt deafening to her combat attuned, city living ears. 

“Sloan doing alright with her new guy,” Schmidt chuckled, jutting his chin towards the barricades. “These guys were letting me on some juicy gossip about those two.”

“Care to share?” Olivia feigned interest by animatedly resting her chin on a hand. She had already heard Sloan gushing about her supposed crush on the bearded hunk of a man who was apparently a sweetheart.

“Sloan snuck in their quarters last night. BJ made everyone-” His sentence was cut short as he looked beyond her shoulders, forgetting his words while being fixated on whatever was behind her.

Olivia turned around instinctively, following his gaze and gripping her rifle just in case. Her heart skipped a beat as she spotted Captain Syverson making his way towards them with Aika following him. He was dressed in only a t-shirt and cargo pants like the cold did not even affect him. Or he was too hot to feel it. She mentally kicked herself for letting her thoughts flow towards the gutter.

In the past few weeks, Olivia had grown to like the captain. She had already accepted the fact that physically he was a sight for sore eyes. But she had also observed how he went about his day and concluded he wasn’t a creep like she had initially thought.

She had watched him talk to his teammates, the meticulous briefing that he carried out every morning. He commanded respect but was also easy-going. Just the other day, she had watched from afar as he was being teased by Pepps over being smitten and how he was turning into a hormonal teenager. Olivia had blushed beet red when Pepps had mentioned her name and had rushed to join her men while trying to conceal the subtle smile playing on her lips.

“Good mornin’, guys.” Syverson’s husky voice sounded like a pleasant hymn to her ears. She let go of her gun, letting it hang over her chest and resorted to nervously fixing her scarf.

“Morning, Captain.” Schmidt greeted, offering his cigarette to Sy.

“I don’t smoke.”

Olivia looked towards Schmidt coyly, already understanding the thoughts going through her adopted twin’s head. Schmidt was smirking at her, wiggling his eyebrows and puffing out smoke as he made his way to join Pepps and Pats. On several occasions he had called her out for staring at Sy like he was a ‘delicious plate of home cooked food’. She had hastily refused and showed him the finger while desperately trying to hide her blush.

“Pleasant morning,” Sy commented, looking around the compound with his hands on his hips. She let her gaze travel over the vastness of his chest and down to the gun holster on his thigh. Olivia would have never imagined herself to be jealous of a piece of nylon sitting snugly against a soldier’s thigh.

“Sergeant Ross, are you checkin’ me out?”

Olivia instantly veered her eyes away from his thick thighs and looked up at him. Sy's eyes danced with mischief, a shit-eating grin peeking out from his beard. In the past two weeks, Sy had also progressively flirted with her. He would sometimes compliment her on her pushups in the gym which she assumed was just an excuse for him to look at her ass. He had brought out a cup of coffee for her in the middle of the night when she was posted at the gate too. His men had teased him about being partial towards her for which he had flipped a finger at them.

“Not everyone is like you, Captain.” She turned back around, pursing her lips to mask her smile. She liked to playfully banter with him. She heard him snort and walk to stand next to her. His presence made a spark of electricity travel from her head to the tip of her toes.

“I disagree.” He chuckled. The vibrato of his laugh reverberating from his chest seemed to immediately brighten Olivia’s day. She glanced at him and felt her heart pick up the pace, meeting his eyes. “If we were back home, I would have already taken you out on a date.”

As the words registered in her mind, warmth rushed to Olivia's face, even the tips of her ears felt hot in the cold desert air. “Pretty bold of you to assume I would go on a date with you.”

“Oh, you would agree.” He smirked at her. “I can even describe the date if you want.”

Olivia rolled her eyes. She shrugged her shoulders and leaned against the wall of the gate post. “Only because I have nowhere to go.” She tried to act disinterested, but her curiosity was already rising. It had been ages since she had last gone out on a proper date with any guy. Only the whirling blades of the chopper and the dust of the desert came to mind when she tried to recall the last time.

Sy leaned against the wall sideways on his shoulder, crossing one ankle over the other. He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled at her affectionately. “First, I would buy you some flowers and drive up to your house. Then I’ll take you to this wonderful place where they have seating in a private area, so that we are not disturbed. Would get some wine to go with our food and ask you about your life.”

“Red or white wine?” She asked only out of curiosity.

Sy scratched his beard, frowning as he thought. “Not a wine guy. But I would drink it if you like.”

Olivia was flattered that the Captain was ready to make an exception for her. She felt her heart flutter but decided to shrug her shoulder nonchalantly. She gestured to him to go on because she wanted to hear what else he planned for this date.

“After dinner, I’ll take you…for a nice walk at the park. We would sit on a bench and talk, maybe get a little handsy.” He raised his eyebrow suggestively, his mouth curling at the corner.

“Phft!” Olivia huffed, rolling her eyes. But internally her mind was already filling up with images of running her hands down Sy’s chest or feeling his hands on her butt. She took a slow breath to calm her rapidly heating body.

“Okay, scratch that. We’ll maybe go for an ice-cream. And when I’ll drop you back at your place, we’ll stand outside on the porch with only the crickets keeping us company,” Sy stood up from the wall and took a step towards Olivia. His voice dropped an octave as he spoke, “And I’ll kiss you like no other man has ever done.”

Olivia’s breath hitched as she looked at Sy’s mesmerizing eyes. She looked at his tantalizing lips, darting her tongue out to wet her own. She gulped as her throat went dry and the cold vanished from around her. It felt the longest moment in her life where she debated whether to just lean in and get the kiss Sy seemed to be offering.

But like a jolt of lightning and an unpleasant déjà vu, Olivia was reminded of something similar happening between her and her other captain. It had been a momentary lapse of reasoning which had led her to get involved with Alex and enter a complicated relationship with him.

As soon as the thought appeared in her mind, Olivia pushed herself off the wall and took a step back. She couldn’t let herself get sucked into another man’s life while she already had unresolved issues with another. She noticed Sy’s eyebrows knit together in confusion before she turned to look the other way. She closed her eyes, sighing and thinking of a clever way to dissolve the moment. Luckily for her, Syverson was a clever man and he must have picked up on the hint for he called Pats to accompany him to the south gate.

Olivia watched as the Captain walked away without addressing her or glancing her way. She was certain she had wounded the man’s ego in one way or another. She let out a slow breath, felt her shoulders slump as Sy’s figure disappeared behind the building.

Chapter Four>

✨Series Masterlist✨

Tagging: @wanderlustkitkat @michelehansel @stephartrave @yuhsophie @hennerslionhat @henrythickcavill @eldarwen333 @peakygroupie @klaine-92 @thelastsock @indigosaurus @oddsnendsfanfics @viking-raider @cavillliketravel @geralt-of-baevia @achaoticaugust @dancingwendigo @littlefreya @luclittlepond @mansaaay @agniavateira @inlovewithhisblueeyes @henryobsessed @henryfanfics101 @poucinette1333 @ohmygoodie @oolicity @wolvesandhoundshowltogether @asyverson @awhitewolfandhisvibraniumshield

[lime-gutz]

The mercs with a SO with telekinetic abilities? Kinda like Stephen King’s Carrie White ( can usually control it but sometimes will go into a trance and cause all sorts of anarchy when horribly overwhelmed) If you don’t want to do all of them how about medic, scout, and spy :3

OOOOOOO okay that concept sounds really fucking interesting. As we all know the tf2 universe is wack as hell and so like, yeah this concept..

Let's get general hcs out of the way before going into specifics with each of the 3 to give everyone a better understanding of like...my thought process??? (I'll mention the other ones in passing through this but I'll be focusing on the specific 3 you've given me).

I imagine if there was such a 10th class, one that is telekinetic, I'll be calling them the Telepath as their class name, I assume would have gotten such an ability through means of. Well. Obviously telekinesis is very not normal so this could go lots of ways, taking into account that you mention specifically causing anarchy when overwhelmed/experiencing a breakdown I wanna be fun and say the Telepath got this ability in the form of a curse. (For what? Idk have fun with deciding, I'd like to hear!)

I would like to say they've been experiencing this curse for years of their life and had grown old enough with it to the point of knowing how to keep such an ability in check as, when not doing that it could lead to dire consequences. That being in the form of a completely wrecked house or general surroundings.

So by the time they were employed as a mercenary they are well fitted with the knowledge of how they know it works, how they personally deal with it, how far this ability can really go as in they know their limits, and how to control/keep themselves in check as to not break anything..doesn't mean that absolutely nothing happens of course but for the most part, is able to keep things unbroken.

Now, with that out of the way, let's get into the 3 specific mercs you've picked for me to talk about.

Medic:

(General)

You had his attention ever since he read the words "Telekinetic" on your papers that were given for him to observe any medical records! He was excited to meet you..and experiment on/with you specifically. No doctor just has patients with telekinesis!! He's most definitely going to take every opportunity he can to run experiments on you to see just how much the difference goes between you and just a normal human subject.

Practically bouncing on the heels of his feet, his hand lightly shaking under your firm hold of a handshake, an unsettling grin on his features as you both shook has when you first met but..again! He was excited and eager to start whenever he can with the experiments he has planned.

Insanely talkative with you during said experiments. He gets like this when he's eager to devour any knowledge and experience he can get his bloodied hands on..and talking helps him think more. He can talk about just. Super casual things that has nothing to do with what he's doing or talking about what he's doing in the moment (although you're not sure if it's for your sake or if it's just a habit he does for himself.)

Finds it absolutely rejuvenating to watch you fight on the field. You're really something! It's glorious to see your telekinesis abilities in action, while your abilities can only do so much, the much it could do was such a sight! Ohoho!! How you can break enemy bones, their blood decorating the hot sandy grounds of the desert, how you can use the rough terrain to your advantage and gain the upper hand..You're thrilling to watch.

While he can see some restraint on your part when it comes to keeping your emotions in check the best way you possibly can, (as he is well aware of what can come of you becoming wildly overwhelmed) He still chooses to work with you more on how to better your ways of doing so...better??

He's not the most patient man, not by a wide margin or patient in any sense of the word, he has to understand that it also wouldn't be wise to just. Fly off the handle when getting frustrated with you in particular for whatever reason as doing so would result in a completely wrecked base. He keeps this in mind because once they've all experienced such an attack its not really something that you can really forget ya know? That's not to say he's softer with you when talking to you or being less blunt but he can show some restraint on his own emotions just a bit for you.

(Romantic)

-apologies if the telekinetics aren't really talked about here, I feel like overall telekinetics are used more so on the battle field and not for everything the Telepath does

Realizes that overall, you've done a good job managing yourself when it comes to being grounded and staying calm in situations where he could even say he probably wouldn't be as calm. Accompany this with you willingly working with him to find perhaps even better solutions to better dealing with it and you then gain just a bit of admiration on the "doctor's" part.

I view Medic as someone who's generally more willing to let looser when he's around someone he's particularly close with. More fun, less...serious if you will?? Sure he's generally jovial and not serious, but I imagine he's even more so when around company he actually enjoys being around so it's no surprise it's what he started doing with you if you both actually gained a bit of a friendship.

It's a common occurrence to see you both messing with each other in a playful manner, nothing downright cruel or mean, just playful. Ex. When he tries the "Ohoho! You can't possibly reach what you're wanting! Look at how short you are compared to me!" Being a tall man and holding something out of your reach to which using your telepathetic abilities you're able to slip said thing out of his hands quite easily, which leaves the man chuckling as he means it all in good fun.

If you're sitting there like "wtf I want some soft stuff too give it to me you bitch" I reply "okay man mfuck" and give you the softer stuff like, right now. Never fails to get a small smile out of him if you were to use your telekinetics to just brush a stray hair our of his face and smooth it back in place to keep his hair neat. Or if you use it to push his spectacles gently back on his face correctly and no longer crooked on his nose.

Enjoys just the simple touches such as you hooking his arm with yours as he works for a little bit if the work he's doing doesn't require a lot of movement, or just a simple kiss to his cheeks and nose..maybe a peck to his lips if he's busy with something. Not to say he doesn't enjoy more lingering touches when he's not horribly busy however!

Quite enjoys laying his head against yours and leaning some of his body weight onto yours and you doing the same back to him as to balance the both of you out into something more comfortable. He finds that your presence is good to have while he works, helps him feel down to earth and less tightly wrapped in his spiels of thoughts.

Scout:

(General)

Finds that your presence and abilities are both handy on field, although he insists you're not as good as him..he's not gonna not give you credit for how utterly fucking cool it is to see someone use something that resembles literal super powers!! But! He also finds your skills useful for playing any tricks on an unsuspecting teammate...if you're in on it of course, if not he'll complain and whine to you that you should at least try it with him and to think of how cool and funny it would be if you did.

Beg you to do things like, for instance, could you make him fly in the air? Your abilities can only go so far of course and not wanting to disappoint, you were successful!...for a few minutes before his ass flopped onto the floor and he got a bloody nose. However as if blood was not dripping from his face currently he was insistent that they have got to try it again sometime!! Flying felt so cool!!

Probably the teammate who has the most interest in your abilities solely for the fact he thinks it's super cool and only thinks of cool ways for you to use it cause..c'mon!!! He doesn't understand why you wouldn't just use it all the time it would make SO many things easier!!

In an attempt to understand you as a person better and how you live with such an ability he's keen on asking questions if you don't get annoyed with him asking so many and then shooing him off. His questions are more so for curiosity and getting to know you reasons as opposed to Medic's who curiosity was mostly scientific.

He's a dude who has a sense of longing to have..someone to like/relate to. Someone to trust and call his friend! And if you're able to show him that you're someone who can deal with his antics, questions, and things that others will find annoying but are things you accept of him..hey man. You got his loyalty and friendship. Take good care of that.

He really likes to talk about just a bunch of things if you're someone he considers a friend. He's not holding back! He's gonna let you hear all of thoughts he has in the world! Or..talk to you about more serious things that only you as friends would share with each other and no one else perhaps...his worries with his mom and knucklehead brothers, or you and your worries.

(Romantic)

Scout is someone that could be described as super touchy with those he feels close enough to. Which st this base, he doesn't consider anybody quite close enough for anyone to ever see. 'Cept you of course. Growing closer to Scout he's way more comfortable wrapping an arm over your shoulders, giving you side hugs, bumping your side with his affectionately and such.

Okay in his defense with that date he tried to set up with Pauling he totally wasn't expecting a giant fucking mutant bread to come and attack the lot of them so, technically while Spy considers him a failure in the department of wooing women the set up of the date wasn't....horrible???? I mean. It looked like a prom yeah but hey! He's learned a thing or 2 from that experience and so he's more likely to have something at least slightly suited more to your tastes since he's gotten to know you better.

You like to push his cap over his eyes quickly with just a flick of your telekinesis before battle starts, leaving him to laugh and fix it before he quickly and effortlessly catches right back up to you anyways. It's okay though, he gets you back later by pressing a cold beer to your neck if the battle is won.

If given the go ahead by you he'll sit with you somewhere and have either an arm draped over your shoulder or your head on his chest as drones on and on about whatever it is he's currently thinking about. He likes talking, and you like listening to him talk even if you don't follow every single thing he says, you get some comfort out of it.

He won't admit to anyone..but you maybe, that your a huge softspot he has. Like, his family is his softspot..and with family that includes his mom, his brothers, and you to some extent, and he'll be sure to remind you every now and again that he's loyal to you and only you. You can trust him when tells you, but reminding you about that fact never hurts!

Overall, he trusts and loves you to the fullest and he can only hope that you return both of those in full back to him. He's indulged the most information about himself personally and his worries to you and only you, and you've done the same for him.

Spy:

(General)

Standoffish with you in your initial meeting. Your first impression of him was one you couldn't really say was kind or nice in anyway. While the man wasn't downright cruel he still couldn't be described as nice. After all, he did blow smoke in your face upon initial meeting. However, you didn't return this first impression in kind back as you were quick to gather the smoke blown at you in a sphere kind of shape and have it blown right back in his own face, his expression souring quite a bit.

He can be mad all he wants, but you let it be known on your first meeting that you're not letting yourself get pushed around. Something that while not in that moment, he grows to appreciate and admire that you're not gonna let people like him walk all over you.

Once you've proven your worth as a teammate to be welcomed on the team by proving yourself in the face of battle, he's lightens up on you considerably. He views his actions as a sort of..tough love kind of situation if you will. He figures that, if you're really deemed fit enough to have your own spot on the team with the rest of them..then he has no need to keep being tough on you as he thinks it would no longer be necessary if you're already here to stay correct?

Finds some of your antics when using your telekinesis amusing..not that he would admit that out loud of course. You swear you might of heard a sucking in of breath to laugh, soft chuckles, or hell even a few snorts from this man a few times when you mess with people but..you also didn't have proof it was him so you wouldn't know completely.

Has admitted to you at one point that you were more tolerable to be around as opposed to the other teammates, not to say that none of them could hold good conversation no, but most could get a bit tiring to socialize with and it was quick to make him want to reside back in his smoking room. You however, were someone he can actually bear to talk to for more than an hour.

Can also admire your skill and how well in check you can keep yourself, it shows serious restraint on your part and that's not so easy for everyone. He finds it admirable that you try so hard as to not cause any kind of harm to anyone or break anything.

(Romantic)

Okay dunno if you can tell but this guy is very much not a low key kind of partner. He's one to shell out quite a pretty penny on gifts he knows you'll enjoy or dates he takes you on. It's a love language of his.

Is also not low key at all when it comes to affection much in public. Hand holding, kisses to the corner of your mouth, kisses to your hands and forehead, the works of that sort but is sure to not overwhelm you if you're not to heavy on that.

You can give the love back whenever you're on the base, super simple things that sure, aren't as out there as Spy's but are gestures he can appreciate no matter how small they are. Using your telekinesis to fetch him a lighter from across the room as to not have him get up to retrieve it, or to use it to tidy up his tie or flick dust and dirt off of his pristine suit.

You find that although unwilling to part with too much information himself, he's very much listening to things you have to say. A sharp eared good listener if you will, he supposes all of those years of eavesdropping on his end has done him some good as he's very much still listening even though he may be occupied with something.

Indulges himself in your company far more than anyone else. Mostly in the dark evenings as he's usually off doing his own things after battle whatever those things may be. Isn't one to talk about work when everyone is clearly not having to do it as of right now, he just wants to wind down at least a tad (as he never allows himself to completely relax as that would pose a danger to the kind of job he has of course.)

Finds that your a good reading partner, not for reading out loud to or you reading out loud for him but, you're someone good to be around if you wish to work around someone who has a bit of life around them as although silent in speech you're not silent in activities that don't require talking. Reading for example, you don't speak but you're also not silent, your soft breathing, maybe the quiet whistle of your nose as you breath out, the light sound of your bouncing your leg against fabric, or just the sound of rustling and turning pages. It calms him.

[songofsaraneth]

Ok now that I have time/space to breathe again, I wanted to do a writeup on the unusual reaction I had to the second Covid vaccine dose. I debated posting this, because I don't want to go against the "I was vaccinated and it's fine!" encouragement train. And I 1000% encourage EVERYONE to get vaccinated if possible. But I have not seen much documentation of the averse symptom I got, except in some case studies I specifically looked up so details below. Big TMI/gross warning however. 

Mostly I'm posting this because I had to do SO much self-advocating/arguing with the Dr at my urgent care clinic, and if you're not as read up on weird medical issues as I am, you might not be comfortable doing that. But IANAD, just describing my experience and what I read, which ended up being very long because it was awful and I have a lot to complain about I guess, sorry.

Basically: for me the vaccine triggered an inflammation response, which in itself is normal. The usual muscle aches/joint pain/slight fever. It also triggered an outbreak of ulcers in my soft tissues. Basically, a bunch of canker sores in my mouth/throat. I am already prone to getting these when I get sick or stressed out, so no biggie, annoying and painful but I could handle them. Canker sores are distinct from cold sores in that they form inside the mouth as crater spots, usually around the size of a pencil eraser (though can be bigger or smaller), and will develop a white film across the crater as they develop and start to heal.

An unfortunate fact I have learned: the mouth is not the only exposed “soft tissue” of the body. this group also includes genitals.

So 2 days after the vaccine I noticed a "burning sensation"/rawness downstairs, which turned into a sharp pain, especially when going to the bathroom. I obviously knew this was abnormal and because of what was happening in my mouth, had a pretty firm idea of what was happening, but was ready to brace myself through the healing process. However by day 5 I had 8 red, crater-like sores on the tissue of my vulva. Essentially they are open wounds, and urine is an acid, so you can imagine the hell that using the bathroom had become. Even just sitting hurt.

As someone healthcare-averse, even I knew this was untenable, and went to Urgent Care for the first time in my adult life. I told the NP what was going on, how they matched the canker sores (NOT cold sores) in my mouth in onset/form--and she immediately, without even looking, diagnosed me with herpes.

Lots of people have herpes or other STIs, and that's fine. I know I do not have any, and wanted to pursue treatment for what I was sure they were--Non-sexually acquired genital ulceration (NSGU). I had even found three case studies of COVID patients who had developed them. I had spent several harrowing hours on google images making sure that the sores I had did not match any STI I may have magically acquired during a year of social distancing. I even brought up multiple case studies, including a woman who had them as a Covid reaction in a neighboring state. Didn’t matter. She looked at them and went “Yikes! Herpes!” and prescribed me: 

1) an antiviral, which I said I did not think would do anything because the trigger for this was a vaccine not an illness. She said it was probably a herpes flare up already in my system. I reiterated that I have had similar sores in my mouth since childhood and that all my past doctors and dentists agreed it was not viral but something related to an immune response. She said the antivirals should clear them up in a few days.

2) a topical 5% lidocaine ointment, aka an oral grade numbing gel, which was essentially what I was after anyway.

I would have preferred a steroid course to the antiviral, but agreed to start taking them until she got the results of the bloodwork I needed to come in the next day for. I asked how many days after taking them I would expect to see a difference/if she would reevaluate treatment if they didn’t have an effect in a certain amount of time, and she said if they hadn’t cleared up by Monday then she’d look into other causes (spoiler, they did nothing in that 4 day span). to her credit, when she saw me pick up my bike helmet (because my car had been at the mechanic for a month by then), she was properly horrified that i was having to bike everywhere with this situation and printed off some coupons/called all the prescriptions into the grocery store pharmacy next door instead of the CVS my insurance likes a mile away.

So eventually I got home and took my pill & went to put on the ointment so I could use the bathroom for the first time in 8 hours. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say I had an extremely, overwhelmingly painful 10 minutes of application. Like absolutely awful burning feeling. However once that faded, I was indeed actually numb, and so I figured it was worth it. Got my bloodwork done on Friday (biking there & home again). On Saturday, I thought that you know, maybe a prescription anesthetic shouldn’t be doing that or at least have some sort of warning? And read the details on the jar.

Good things about lidocaine: it is a powerful numbing agent and lasts pretty well for an hour or two.

Bad things about lidocaine: you cannot get oral grade lidocaine without added mint flavoring.

I happen to be EXTREMELY sensitive to mint. Like I still can’t handle breath mints or mouthwash, and used bubblegum flavored toothpaste until I was 14 and found a brand with half as much mint flavoring as is typical. Even if you’re not, mint has no business being anywhere near genital tissue. Even on an average person that could cause awful burning. to make a long saga shorter I had a very frustrating back-and-forth with urgent care involving many rerouted phone trees, visit in person, unhelpful receptionists, and attempts to find over-the-counter alternatives. All were fruitless so I just  suffered all weekend until the urgent care Nurse Practitioner called me back on Monday and was suitably apologetic/outraged about the mint thing, and looked up every OTC product that might work as a substitute, since she couldn’t find any prescription level without mint. On Tuesday she called back again having found this:

It’s 4%, so just below prescription strength, while not oral grade, it’s actually fine for soft tissues as long as not fully ingested/internally applied. And most importantly, ABSOLUTELY NO ADDED FLAVORINGS. there is also a spray version that comes in a bottle, which under no circumstances should you try because it uses alcohol as a propellant and I had a very bad 5 minutes after testing that one. But the cream one is fine and brings blessed numbness in around 5 minutes with only minimal contact pain--they are still open wounds after all. 

I use this for the next 7 days. By this point the sores have gotten worse and larger, and then started to heal and shrink again. Mouth canker sores go through a similar ~2 week process, so this is about what I expected.

Finally the results of my bloodwork came back, and I was negative for all STIs. The NP was dumbfounded and apologized, and agreed to look up more information/treatment options for cases like this in the future. I’m not surprised her reaction was to assume herpes as it IS very common, but I’m sure other women experience NSGU’s and receive improper treatment. If you look them up, they’re even mentioned as being predominantly a problem for “young or prepubescent women” which, reading between the lines--it’s not that these become less likely if you’re older or sexually active. Doctors just make assumptions and don’t always look past the easy answers.

So if you or someone you know ends up with these--from the Covid vaccine or as a complication of upper respiratory infections in general (as they ARE an immune response and can just Happen to you)--here is what works as treatment. If you can see a doctor you trust, still do that. But if they don’t listen or if for some reason you can’t seek treatment, here is the course of action I recommend: 

Pick up that over-the-counter Pain Relief+Lidocaine NON MINTY numbing cream ASAP. Sores go from “annoying” to “excruciating” in only 3 days, so it’s best to get in person or with rush shipping. Sit in front of a mirror and gently apply with a q-tip, and wait 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect.

Pat gently dry with toilet paper, don’t make wiping motions. If you don’t feel clean enough, pat more with a wet washcloth and rinse it out, or hope in the shoer for 5 min just to rinse.

There may be pus or reside from the ointment that doesn’t go away with just rinsing. Every 2 days I made a half-strength bath of epsom salts, NUMBED FULLY, and then took a 10 minute bath to fully cleanse the area. the salt will sting terribly if you wait any longer, so I recommend standing and rinsing after this time.

The vulva is more exposed to air than the mouth. this may cause the sores to crack/bleed as they dry out. to avoid this, after using the restroom and cleaning yourself, you can apply a thick coating of Aquaphor on top of the sores. It will need to be rinsed off before you apply more numbing cream however, so if that is too many steps I recommend just using the Aquaphor overnight.

You may think its ok to get up in the middle of the night to pee without the numbing cream bc you have to go really bad and just once will be fine but it is NOT you will REGRET IT.

Unfortunately if you have sores on both sides you may develop what is known as “kissing sores”, aka sores directly opposite each other that touch when the area is not spread open. this means that after an extended period of time (overnight), the sores will try to heal into each other and opening the area back up painfully rips the tissue apart. INStEAD of ripping them apart, take a washclosh, run it under warm water, and do a hot/warm compress on the area. this will loosen the sores back up and separate them painlessly.

This is not exclusive to people with a vulva, they can also happen on scrotal/anal tissue. However it does seem to much more frequently affect people with typical XX sex organs. 

If you develop these, PLEASE fill out an averse reaction form or your country’s equivalent. Also, I’m so sorry and if you need emotional support or have questions please feel free to get in touch.

Most likely, these will not happen to you--the vast majority of vaccinated people have not had this as a side effect. But it IS popping up more and more, and it is good to know about it in advance so you can be prepared to deal with and treat it without as much anxiety and all the hoops I had to jump through to get good care. Overall I’m still glad to be vaccinated, but if I had known this was a side effect, as someone already prone to canker sores I would have waited to vaccinate until my car was fixed a week later a the very least :|

[hoaryoldbitch]

a wish my heart makes

Jonsa Drabbles Day 3 Wishes @jonsadungeonsanddrabbles​

Sansa has been married to Waymar Royce for eight years, and she's become desperate to have a child of her own.

Sansa stares at the weeping face of the weirwood tree. It used to frighten her when she was a child. Robb and Theon once told her it would eat her if she didn't behave, and she believed them for far too long. 

It was Nan who told her to come here, to the ancient Godswood inside the ruined walls of Winterfell Castle. The old woman caught her quietly trying to slip away from the little gathering Beth had put together to celebrate the birth of their friend Jeyne's third child, a girl she has named Alannys, for her husband Theon's mother. Jeyne married Theon Greyjoy about a year after Sansa's wedding to Waymar Royce, and though she and her husband are always bickering, Sansa believes Jeyne has been fairly happy.

And so has she. Waymar is a good man, who provides for her and treats her kindly. He doesn't spend too much time in the pub, and he's happy to leave her in charge of their household finances. He's never once complained when she added too much salt to the soup or burnt the coffee, and he's always gentle with her.

They live a simple and quiet life, and Waymar is content, working for his father's lumber company and coming home to a wife who's waiting for him with a hot meal and a warm embrace, but for Sansa, a shadow has been hanging over their semblance of a happy marriage for five years now.

Sansa grew up in a large family. She has four brothers and two sisters, and when she married Waymar, it was her greatest wish to recreate her own childhood home, and fill their house with children of their own. But after almost eight years of marriage, they are still childless, though it's not for lack of trying.

Old Nan saw the tears that threatened to spill from Sansa's eyes as she gazed at Alannys' perfect little face, and she followed her out of the parlour to give her a bit of advice. Nan revealed to Sansa that she and her husband had also struggled to conceive, which came as quite a surprise to Sansa, as Nan and Wylbert had had eight children together. 

"The Old Gods will help you," Nan told her with a pat on the arm, and then she gave Sansa some simple instructions.

Sansa takes a deep breath. Is she really considering asking a tree for help? Apparently she is. She tells herself that it won't hurt to try. She takes a step forward and presses her hand to the smooth white bark.

"Old Gods," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I call upon your ancient power..." She's not sure what more she should say. "Please," she continues. "I really want to have a babe."

When she opens her eyes again, she's not alone anymore. Only three feet away, a man is staring at her. She can't help it, she gasps and jumps. She inches back, blinking and spluttering.

She tries to collect herself. "Forgive me, sir. You startled me! Have we met before?" Her heart is still racing. One moment, she was alone, and then he was suddenly there. "Where did you come from?"

He doesn't look anything like the other men she knows. He's fairly short and lean, and though his face has a bit of a sullen look to it, he is incredibly pretty, even if that may seem like an odd word to describe a man. His hair is dark, and so are his grey eyes, but his skin is pale, smooth and almost glowing against the murky backdrop of the dense forest. He's wearing a moss-green, floor-length surcoat over a long-sleeved, loose-fitting shirt of a similar colour. 

He cocks his head and spreads his arms, palms turned up to the grey sky above them. "I'm here to give you your wish."

That's quite the promise, but it doesn't answer any of the questions she's asked him. Part of her wants to keep looking at the beautiful man in front of her, but some deep instinct is telling her to run. There is something very wrong about him, and yet she stands rooted to the spot, and she can't stop staring at him. "What do you mean? How?"

He arches a dark eyebrow. "You are aware how babes are made, are you not?"

She's shocked by his question, and part of her wants to reprimand him for suggesting such a thing, but she's not quite sure whether that would be a good idea. 

"And you are offering your, um, services?" she asks him as calmly as she can manage.

"You summoned me," he says with a shrug before folding his hands together. "And I answered your call."

Their marriage may not be one of great passion, but Sansa loves Waymar. He's a good man. She doesn't want to do this to him. But she's desperate. she wants to hold a babe of her own in her arms.

She glances up at the man--no, he's not a man, he's something else. Though if she squints, he does look a bit like Waymar. I could pretend. She shakes her head. She knows she's lying to herself. She would do it even if he looked nothing like her husband.

"What's in it for you?" she wants to know.

He pouts, there is no other word for it, and though he appears sad, it's a good look on him, with those lusciously plump lips of his. "There aren't that many fae women left," he tells her. "And most of the ones who are still among us are barren."

"I'm sorry," she mumbles, trying not to lose it over the fact that she is about to agree to have sex with a fairy. She nods. "Alright then."

There's no trace of sullenness or grief left on his face when he answers her with a blinding grin. 

"What's your name?" she asks the fae man.

He narrows his eyes at her, but then he laughs. "You can call me Jon."