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burningdaybreak · 1 month

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Aun no Beats & BAD DOGS' Relationship

Hello everyone! Today is August 19, which is a pretty special day, since it's both Aun no Beats' original version's release anniversary, and Akito and Touya's middle birthday (the day in the middle of both of their birth dates, which are May 25 and November 12). Added to the game on June 6, 2022 (JP server), the addition of Aun no Beats has always been quite an interesting case. The song is covered exclusively by Akito and Touya, which is a pretty rare thing; not many songs are exclusively covered by just original characters, and it hasn't happened for a while now; as of writing this, the last one was Amanojaku (released in the JP server on October 1, 2022). Furthermore, the song's original producer, Hanyuu Maigo, prohibits covers of their songs being sold commercially, which is most likely the reason why it was not included in Vivid BAD SQUAD SEKAI ALBUM Vol.2. So, why did Project Sekai go out of their way to add a cover of this song to the game, even though they wouldn't profit from it at all? They must have really wanted it in the game, then... and looking at the lyrics, I think it makes sense; the song represents Akito, Touya, and their relationship and story so well. And so, in this essay, I will talk about Aun no Beats, and look at its lyrics and analyze them, and talk about how they represent Akito and Touya and their characters and story.

1. What is Aun no Beats about, and how does it represent Akito and Touya's relationship?

Aun no Beats is a song about a relationship where both parties understand each other without a need for words, but they'd still like to hear those words.

So, giving and receiving, I never needed to look for the words Even so, I wanted to hear them from you

However, with the We were going to be together forever in the lyrics, the song feels like it's about a relationship with a bad ending, where they're separated for some reason, whether a break up or separated by death... The meaning of the word aun in the title is taken from the Japanese idiom 阿吽の仲 (a-un no naka), a phrase that indicates an inherently harmonious relationship where both parties can understand each other without the need of verbal communication.

When it comes to Akito and Touya, my interpretation of the cover for them, and possibly the most common interpretation, is that it represents them in the main story, and the short break up they went through due to their lack of communication (therefore, the things that weren't said). Aun no Beats represents them pretty well because of the incredibly close bond they have and how they understand each other so well without needing to communicate their feelings... but they both still want to hear how the other really feels. As for the "bad ending" in the song, it represents the miscommunication issue they had in Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story; this conflict arose from the fact that Touya felt like he wasn't good enough about singing to be Akito's partner. Even though Touya kept these feelings to himself for the two years that he had been singing next to Akito, seeing Akito berate An and Kohane and how they aren't serious enough about their dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND made Touya decide he can't keep going like this. In the end, he decided to claim he didn't want to sing with Akito anymore because he felt he wasn't worthy of being his partner, but avoiding telling him the real reason and riling him up on purpose, because he'd rather lie than disappoint the most important person to him. This culminated in Akito allowing his emotions to overtake him, and punching his partner, and BAD DOGS breaking up temporarily. However, unlike the song, their story has a happy ending, since at the end of Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story, Akito and Touya talk it out, Akito making Touya realize that he actually loves music...

🥞 You love music. You love it like an idiot, you really do. You love it… and I know that better than anyone else!

... And Akito declaring that he'll never team up with anyone other than Touya...

🥞 STOP SAYING THAT!! … Don't you get it! I'm never gonna team up with anyone other than you!

... Which finally makes Touya talk about how he truly feels:

☕ Gh…! Isn't it obvious that I want to…! I've felt that so many times! I wanted to chase that dream with you as far as I could…!

With both of them on the same page, with the same feelings, they can reconcile and be a team, once again. Although Touya is still doubtful if he's truly worthy of singing by Akito's side, Akito shuts him up with the following line:

🥞 Oh, shut up already. Don't go makin' this complicated. I want to be with you, and you want to be with me as well. And after that, our dream will come true. ... Isn't that enough?

They know how they feel. And they now have words they were looking for. This is all they need, to be partners: just knowing that they respect and appreciate each other, and wanting to sign with each other. With this, they can now be together forever. In short, this song would symbolize Akito and Touya's relationship during Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story; most specifically, the period where they temporarily split up (often jokingly called their "divorce arc"). But they come out of it stronger and more determined than before to be with each other, which is why the song doesn't fully represent their relationship, since their story does have a happy ending... they reconciled, and still have a future together. It's not the first time that they get a song that symbolizes their short break up during the main story, as Fragile can also be interpreted that way (among other covers, but Fragile is the one with most similarities to Aun no Beats); however, compared to that, there's a few things that stand out about Aun no Beats. Fragile was added with Project Sekai's release in September 30, 2020, back when the only story content Vivid BAD SQUAD was their main story, so it made sense that have that song available right when the game came out; but Aun no Beats came out over one year and a half after its addition to the game (June 6, 2022), when Vivid BAD SQUAD was well past the main story's events.

Fun fact: Aun no Beats' addition to the game was announced in the 20th Wondershow Channel stream, which took place on May 25, 2022 — the same day as Touya's birthday. Quite a coincidence, huh?

Another curious thing, which I mentioned back in the introduction, is that the release anniversary of the original version of Aun no Beats (August 19) is the very same date as Akito and Touya's middle birthday. It could most definitely be a coincidence, but considering how well the song represents them and their characters, one starts thinking... could it have been on purpose? Fragile also represents them really well, and it makes you wonder the same thing, and if perhaps they wrote these characters when considering the song's lyrics, but Aun no Beats' case is even more intriguing because of all these odd facts. To add on, both are songs where Akito and Touya sing by themselves, with no accompanying Virtual Singer. These two songs are the only Vivid BAD SQUAD covers with this trait (along with Odo, covered by An and Kohane), making them stand out among the other duets (which all have at least one Virtual Singer); and considering both can be interpreted as representing their relationship, this makes them even more special. They are the BAD DOGS songs. Taking into account the situation with the original producer and their rules regarding commercialization, there genuinely wasn't much to gain from adding this song to the game as a cover, but since it represents BAD DOGS so well, along with the other reasons I've mentioned, I feel like the Project Sekai team really wanted to do this.

2. Song Analysis

I've talked about how the song represents the events of the main story, but I feel like the lyrics symbolize not just that; I would say they also represent Akito and Touya, how they feel about each other, and their personal relationship. And so, here I will look into Aun no Beats' lyrics, and talk about what I feel they represent: (Note that I'll be posting all the Aun no Beats lyrics, for the sake of putting everything here, but I won't analyze all of them!)

🥞♪ Everyone has gone somewhere and became nothing 🥞♪ They had it coming ☕️♪ I wanted to believe it, so I stopped voicing it out

Everyone has gone somewhere and became nothing // They had it coming, lines sung by Akito, would represent how Touya left him, leaving him alone once again. The became nothing part can be viewed as Akito expressing his frustration at how they're nothing by themselves (both him and Touya). And the They had it coming could be about Akito's reaction to their break up, with Akito punching Touya. He "deserved" it, he believes; therefore, this part of the song would be Akito expressing his frustration at how everything went down, anger at his partner, and anger at himself. On the other hand, though, this line can also be considered from Akito's point of view, singing about himself — They had it coming being how he deserved this, because of his reaction, because of something he must have done wrong, because he didn't notice his partner's feelings... Akito is a character who is very harsh on himself, he regrets that they ended up like this, that he reacted like that, and so, he believes he had this coming. Then, I wanted to believe it, so I stopped voicing it out, sung by Touya, is about how he feels about himself: believing he's not a worthy partner for Akito, with half-hearted feelings, but keeping it to himself... deep down, he enjoyed singing with Akito, and wanted to keep doing it, but due to his insecurities, he pretended he was just singing with him because it was better than nothing. Therefore, he wanted to believe it was fine to sing with Akito, even though he thought he didn't deserve it. He didn't talk about how he truly felt, and even when he faced Akito when his insecurities peaked, he lied; he avoided telling the truth, he avoided voicing it out, because, for Touya, disappointing Akito would be worse than losing him.

🥞♪ Why do I want to be loved? ☕️♪ Why do I want to love? ☕️♪ I dressed it up and shared it

(cracks knuckles) I've already talked about these lines in the past, multiple times, and also love as a theme in Vivid BAD SQUAD; but I really like it, so I will do it again. While I think these lines can be associated to the events of their "divorce arc", Akito's Why do I want to be loved? and Touya's Why do I want to love? are, pretty much, the core of their characters, and a very significant part of their characterization and personalities. Akito is a character with a lot of love to give: love for music and his goal, love for the town, love for those he admires, love for his partner... however, that love is often not reciprocated. People make fun of him, they don't take him seriously; the town doesn't love him back at first. Why do I want to be loved? symbolizes Akito's desire to be loved back, how he wants people to respect him and to take him seriously. Akito wants the love he receives to match the love he provides. This line would represent, too, how he loves and appreciates Touya: the guy he met who he found interesting and immediately knew that he wanted to share his dream with; that person who had been singing next to him the previous two years, practicing endlessly with him; always listening to him, taking him seriously, respecting him; always by his side... and Akito wants that love to be reciprocated. And even though he knows Touya feels the same, he wants to hear those words. On the other hand, Touya is a character with a lack of love in his life: trapped since he was young in a home where his family barely provided him love, only really caring about his musical skills, Touya grew up away from a life where he could be free and express himself properly, attempting to meet his parents' expectations and his love for music diminishing as time passed. Ultimately, he ran away from that life, but after meeting Akito, he could enjoy music, once again, even though he's not aware of it at first. Why do I want to love? symbolizes Touya's inexperience with love; not used to being loved, having forgotten how to enjoy music, and not knowing what it's like to have someone close to him — a friend that cares about him, he didn't really know what "love" is like... furthermore, this line also symbolizes his desire to give back to Akito and to everyone else who has supported and watched over him, grateful for their support and for pushing him forward, helping Touya find himself and learning what it's like to be loved. In the past, Touya believed that Akito could do better, that he wasn't worthy of being by his side, that he was singing with him because "it's not classical music"... but he didn't realize that Akito truly cares about him, and wanted to have him as partner, above anybody else; and that, even if he ran away from classical music, even after all the pain he went through because of it, he still loves music, and he realizes that thanks to Akito.

🥞 You love music. You love it like an idiot, you really do. You love it… and I know that better than anyone else!

Touya thought that he'd disappoint Akito by telling him how he feels... but, besides the fact that Akito knew those feelings are not true, he would never be disappointed in Touya — because he loves his partner above anybody else. Touya is the one and only partner he could ask for; and Touya's so grateful to Akito for that, for making him realize that he's loved, appreciated, and that he still loves music, after everything. And thanks to Akito's words, and all the love he provided, the current Touya is so much happier with his life, able to express his emotions better, and no longer bound back by a miserable life of unrealistic expectations. He can now be his own person; and so, the reason why he wants to love is because he wants to repay everyone's kindness, supporting his partner and teammates, and helping everyone in any way he can — Touya wants to reciprocate the love of the people that allowed him to find a place where he can laugh. Love is a very central theme for Akito and Touya as characters (and for Vivid BAD SQUAD as a whole), not just for music and everything that surrounds them, but also for each other, with it being a very prominent part of their relationship: Akito giving lots of love, always caring for his partner and having helped him find himself and learn about a whole new world, surrounded by people that actually care about and love him; and Touya learning to love, grateful for everything that his partner did for him, wanting to repay his kindness, and a desire for Akito to rely on him more — he wants to give all that love back. Which is why the lines of Why do I want to be loved? and Why do I want to love? fit them so well; because it's what they're missing, and what they want from the other. In short, these two lines are very significant to their relationship and how they feel about each other, and I really like it a lot.

☕️♪ I— 🥞☕️♪ My sympathy is due to vagueness 🥞☕️♪ And my fearless sensory 🥞♪ Don't worry, don't worry, it's okay 🥞♪ I will make you smile

Despite the briefness of the line, I believe that the I- is pretty significant; it being a Touya line, it represents his hesitation to speak up his feelings up until then, and keeping them hidden rather than voicing out what he wants to say. Don't worry, don't worry, it's okay // I will make you smile, lines sung by Akito, are quite nice, as they symbolize multiple things: first, Don't worry, don't worry, it's okay is about how Akito wants to reassure Touya that voicing out his feelings is fine, he'll accept Touya no matter what. He wants to hear how his partner feels, and he'd never be disappointed in him. Then, I will make you smile is how Akito wants the best for Touya; to make him feel happy, loved, accepted. It shows all the love Akito holds for his partner, and his genuine wish to be by his side, and make him smile. No matter what, Akito will always be with Touya.

☕️♪ So, giving and receiving, ☕️♪ Stay here so you won't disappear 🥞♪ Then, 🥞♪ "Please reply to me, too"

So, giving and receiving, // Stay here so you won't disappear, both lines sung by Touya, are really good and pretty significant. First, So, giving and receiving, is also a core part of Akito and Touya's relationship, closely tied with what I talked about love in the Why do I want to be loved? // Why do I want to love? section.

Their relationship can really be boiled down to giving and receiving, a mutual exchange of love, respect, help, feelings, dreams... they share everything, they give and receive things from each other, and this allows them to grow as people, together. They make each other whole, and that's what makes them inseparable partners — they're each other's one and only partner. Following that, Stay here so you won't disappear, it represents Touya's yearning for Akito, not wanting him to leave him, despite these insecure feelings he has, these feelings he thinks will disappoint Akito. No matter what, he wants Akito with him... and he'd rather lie than disappoint the one he loves. And then we have Akito's, Then, // Please reply to me, too. This is a direct response to Touya's Stay here so you won't disappear, which symbolizes Akito wanting to hear how Touya truly feels, so they'll stay together; representing that moment during their dispute where Akito tells Touya to voice out how he really feels, but Touya keeping his feelings to himself. Akito wants to hear how Touya truly feels, to hear what's wrong. He doesn't want to let go of Touya the same way Touya doesn't want Akito to leave him.

☕️♪ I held up my heart to you, ☕️♪ Give it back someday, be gentle, okay? 🥞♪ I really wanted to go back 🥞♪ Going back after this is fine, too

Then we have these lines, which I think symbolizes them right after their break up and how they feel. I held up my heart to you // Give it back someday, be gentle, okay?, sung by Touya. This line would represent how Touya trusted Akito, how he enjoyed their time together, even if he never expressed it, and deep down regretting what he said, hoping his partner will forgive him. Akito then sings I really wanted to go back // Going back after this is fine, too; the first one showing his regret towards their fight, and the second line showing that he still wants to be with his partner, after all. He won't accept it, he won't give up on his partner and leave it like this. He'll fight for his partner. This part is interesting since their lines have a similar structure, with the first one showing "regret" or wanting what they had before their break up (I held up my heart to you and I really wanted to go back), while the second line symbolizes their hope to be reunited again eventually (Give it back someday, be gentle, okay? and Going back after this is fine, too).

🥞♪ We... 🥞☕️♪ We— 🥞☕️♪ We were going to be together forever 🥞☕️♪ We were going to be together forever ☕️♪ Don't worry, don't worry ☕️♪ It's a wonderful end for us both

Akito's solo We... is really good, as it comes right after his Going back after this is fine, too; he still talks about himself and Touya in plural. He wants to be with him, after all; to be partners, once again, because there's nobody else he'd rather be with. Comparing Akito's We... with Touya's previous I— is interesting; Touya's earlier line is about hesitating to speak up, unconfident about being by Akito's side, while Akito's line, on the other hand, shows confidence in wanting to be together and still thinking of them as a duo, even if they're currently apart. Which is, frankly, quite a nice contrast, since later on, it's Akito who's more unconfident (in his skill and himself), while Touya's confident in wanting to be by Akito's side. Akito and Touya are very contrasting characters, and even here it shows; these contrasts really make them fit to be together, like they're made to be with each other — they make up for the other's faults, and that allows them to push each other ahead and grow together. Following that, there's another We—, this time being a shared line, showing how they still want to be with each other; and two We were going to be together forever afterwards, also sung by both of them, show that they both feel the same: regretting what happened between them, and yearning to be together. However, these lines are followed by Touya's Don't worry, don't worry // It's a wonderful end for us both; these symbolize Touya thinking that no longer being Akito's partner is the best outcome for both of them, and how he believes that Akito's better off without a half-hearted guy like him and that he can find someone better than him — someone who actually takes music seriously the same way Akito does.

🥞♪ So, giving and receiving, 🥞♪ I never needed to look for the words 🥞☕️♪ Even so, 🥞☕️♪ I wanted to hear them from you

Once again, the line So, giving and receiving, appears, this time sung by Akito. As mentioned before, this is a core part of Akito and Touya's relationship, and with both of them singing the same line, we know that their relationship is one of mutual exchange, that is, giving and receiving; providing to each other what they're looking for, and making each other whole in the process. I never needed to look for the words, sung by Akito, is also an important aspect of Akito and Touya's relationship; as long time partners, by now they know each other really well, and as time passes and they grow together and experience more things alongside the other, their bond will become even more inseparable, not needing to put into words how they truly feel — individually, and about each other. By the point of the main story, their relationship is still relatively early (even though they had been singing for two years together already by then), and they hadn't experienced any major setbacks, simply singing together and enjoying themselves, so they weren't truly close yet — but still, they knew, deep down, how the other felt... which is why Akito thinks that he never needed to look for the words; no matter what Touya said, he knew Touya still loved music, and that he enjoyed singing by Akito's side, and that he wanted to be with him. Even if he never truly expressed himself, Akito knew how his partner felt, which is what makes their bond so strong. ... However, as the next lines say: Even so, // I wanted to hear them from you, lines sung by both of them, they both still wanted to hear those words from each other. They want to hear how each other feels; Touya wanting to be reassured that Akito wants to be with him, and Akito wanting Touya to open himself up. As partners... they want the other to rely on them, to help them and to guide them; so they can become the best partners, and reach their goal together. And for that, they need to communicate; even if it may not be necessary at one point, as they'll know each other without a need for words, voicing out their feelings is necessary to get through this setback — to reach each other.

☕️♪ "We were going to be together forever" 🥞♪ "We were going to be together forever" ☕️♪ Even so... 🥞♪ Even so... 🥞☕️♪ Even so... 🥞☕️♪ "I want you to say it to me"

And with this, we reach the finale of the song, with both of them saying "We were going to be together forever" and Even so... once, before saying Even so... together, and ending it with "I want you to say it to me". All of these have appeared before, with "We were going to be together forever" expressing, once again, their regrets of having ended up like this, and the multiple Even so... expressing that, even though they're like this, they want to fix their relationship... they want to hear how the other feels. They have a desire to communicate to be with each other, yet again; as they complete each other. They're the best partner the other could ask for, and they want to keep being together. Forever.

3. Conclusion

And that's it for Aun no Beats' lyrics! Pretty much all the lyrics can be somehow related to Akito and Touya's story and the events of the main story, and their relationship, which is so great. The fact it fits them so well makes all the aforementioned facts, such as their middle birthday happening to coincide with the same day as Aun no Beats' original version's anniversary day, and how the Sekai team went out of their way to add this song to the game even though they wouldn't benefit financially from it, very interesting. Could it truly be a coincidence? Oh I am so curious... Aun no Beats is a song that can be interpreted as a couple with a close bond that has been separated, a song with a sad ending; and this plot sounds very much like Akito and Touya's "divorce arc" during the main story. Fortunately, their relationship was fixed and now they're a stronger couple than ever. As I've explained in past essays, even though their relationship may not be inherently romantic, because Vivid BAD SQUAD's "partner" (aibou) does not have the romantic meaning that the western partner does, their relationship is very reminiscent of a romantic couple: as of current story events, Akito and Touya are very much like an old married couple, experienced in relationships and being together (as partners), and everything they go through and how they interact with each other really can give off romantic vibes sometimes (look at Let It Ring! Beautiful Sound!'s Touya's card's side stories, for example; the way Akito reacted at Touya was so... unusual of a regular pair of friends); while An and Kohane are a newly formed couple that is still learning to be together and how to be partners, with Akito and Touya guiding them through this new experience as an experienced couple. Although the previous paragraph was slightly unrelated to the essay, the point I am trying to make is that Aun no Beats is often interpreted as a couple that has broken up or that has been separated by death, so the romantic associations for Akito and Touya's relationship are existent. This is definitely up to interpretation, of course, but I believe Akito and Touya are one of the pairs with most chemistry in the game, due to how they're pretty much made to be together, as they complement each other so much, between their contrasts and their personalities. Their break up during the main story was quite similar to how an actual couple would fight, due to their mistakes and lack of communication leading to an argument and split up. However, they manage to make up, and they become partners once again, and their bond has been inseparable since, growing further as they keep singing by the other's side. Their relationship, in the end, is all about giving and receiving; relying on each other, loving and learning to love back, and supporting each other by making up for the other's shortcomings. They grow and learn together, they desire to sing together, and they yearn to be by each other's side. This is, after all, what it means to be partners. And together, they can surpass anything. They're fated to be together, and there's nothing that can separate them anymore. They're each other's best partner they could ask for.

4. Afterword

And with this, the essay is done. Truthfully, I've struggled a bit to write since my last essay, and I am still halfway through Part 4 of the Freedom and Captivity series essay; I may have stressed myself by putting on unrealistic deadlines, first meant for August 1, then for August 19. It wasn't necessary at all to release it on August 1, and it was more of continuing the joke, but I did want to get something out for August 19 because it's a very special day. Fortunately, I got a bit inspired, and I had the idea of writing this... and I wrote it in like, 2 days? (lol) And I'm glad I did because it's a very fitting essay for this day, talking about both Akito and Touya's relationship (since August 19 is their middle birthday) and Aun no Beats (song originally released on this day, too). I'm satisfied, and I'm relieved I can take my time to finish the next essay, since there's no deadlines now... from now on I won't set deadlines so close to the actual thing, haha. To finish off, I'd like to thank my friend Dainn for supporting me as I wrote, both this and the previous essay that I failed to finish in time; I appreciate it a lot!! Also thanks for proofreading my essays as always. And thanks to artemis for proofreading it, too; consider this my gift to you for getting T100 in Let It Ring! Beautiful Sound! Congratulations! Anyways, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this essay! See you next time!

#prsk analysis #pjsekai #project sekai #akito shinonome #toya aoyagi #touya aoyagi #vivid bad squad #vbs #bad dogs #aibou #aiboulove #aibouyaoi #might as well i guess #happy akitouya middle birthday btw #its akitouya day #and happy anniversary to aun no beats

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 2 months

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EVEN MORE SPOILERS FOR SEASON 6

I figured since I already read it, I'd give my thoughts on the recent interview Astruc and Thibaudeau took part in.

Due to incompatibility with the new animation engine, SAMG will not be working on the next seasons of ‘Miraculous’. The series is now being developed entirely in France, with the integration of Dwarf Animation.

Okay, props for no more outsourcing, even if I'm not sure what this means for the other ZAG shows.

Season 6 is considered to be “a new beginning”, aside from being a new story arc. It is sometimes referred to by the writers as Season 1.

I'm sure that isn't confusing to the executives at all. Also, maybe don't imply you're starting from scratch when you're already reusing the plot of the main villain using the Butterfly Miraculous.

The writing team already has concrete ideas for how Seasons 7, 8 and 9 will begin and end. They also have ambitions to make it to a Season 12, only if the support of viewers and executives allows them to do so. With this, they emphasize the fact that they would not continue with the show if it were no longer needed or interesting.

So basically, they're planning to keep this up for as long as they can until someone pulls the plug.

The opening of the sixth season is still undecided. They are still discussing whether they will change the musical arrangement or not. Thomas also considers the possibility of making a brand-new theme song. A song has been confirmed for S6. They have the music, the arrangement and a female singer. The character remains unknown.

Imagine how funny it would be if they brought back the woman who sang for Marinette in the movie instead of having Cristina Vee sing again.

Despite leaving Paris at the end of ‘Revolution’ (5x23), Chloé Bourgeois will return in Season 6.

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Putting aside all the things I've said about her "damnation arc", what is even the point of bringing her back at this point? She has no powers, no influence, no allies, and isn't a threat of any kind. This makes her not being the next Hawkmoth make even less sense, becuse she has more of a reason to hate Ladybug than Lila does.

Also, with the news that Chloe is coming back, this means that she essentially escaped punishment or at least found a way to rebound like Lila did. So that's a grand total of ZERO villains who actually got punished for their actions after five seasons. I'm starting to think Ladybug and Cat Noir really suck at their jobs.

Sebastien Thibadeau: “[Cerise] (IOTA: I'm still calling her Lila for simplicity's sake) is a villain without costume. She is a villain all the time. There is a reason why, but this reason, neither I nor Astruc will reveal to you yet.” Interviewer: “You mean you already intend to tell it?” Thomas Astruc: “Yes. And you know what, we have already told it, but you haven’t noticed.”

Translation: Ladies and gentlemen, LET'S GET READY FOR RETCOOOOOONNNNS!

Seriously, we are approaching the sixth season of this show. It has been eight years since Lila first appeared all the way back in "Volpina", and we still know nothing about her other than the fact that she has some three moms for some reason. You can't pull the whole "This is something you need to rewatch to understand!" excuse because the last two seasons hinged on breaking the rules about Sentimonsters.

Speaking of, I love how this comment about Lila accidentally implies that Gabriel never did anything evil when he wasn't Hawkmoth/Shadowmoth/Monarch. All that emotional abuse and isolation Adrien suffered was all out of love!

Thomas Astruc on Chloe redemption arc: “We put the characters in situations, and then we say to ourselves: “what would be the logic?” How would the character logically react in “such and such” a situation? And we tried, we tried everything. But every time, we say to ourselves: “if we write this, it’ll be wrong”. There’ll be no reason, it’ll come out of nowhere, the fact that she’ll face something nice and say: “Oh, I’ve been horrible, Marinette what have I done! From now on, I’ll be...” No, nonsense. I understand people’s desire for Chloe to be nice. I’d like that too. But I’d like it if in real life, people with a lot of power suddenly started doing nice things. But Chloé has no interest in changing. She has no reason to change, unfortunately.”

Ah, yes because Gabriel (Global terrorist and abusive parent), Felix (Betrayed Ladybug and temporarily wiped out all of humanity on a whim), Nathalie (Willing accomplice to Gabriel) Andre (corrupt politician and Chloe's primary enabler), Sabrina (Willing accomplice to Chloe) all had compelling reasons to change their ways.

Also, "I've been horrible, what have I done?"

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST, THAT'S HOW VIRTUALLY EVERY REDEMPTION ON THIS SHOW IS EXECUTED.

The fact that he's seriously acting like he actually wanted to write a redemption arc is insulting. Not only does it ignore all the things he's said to fans who were upset at the turn of events, but it makes no sense for him to take this stance because he's a writer. If Chloe turning a new leaf is too strange of an idea, then write an actual character arc allowing her to progress to a state where she recognizes what she's done is wrong. You control the character for God's sake! It's not like you're training a dog to stop humping the couch. You can change things to make a redemption arc possible.

In other words, Astruc is either lying to save his ass, or THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES about writing characters.

Sebastien Thibadeau talks about Andre's character development: In contrast to Chloe, “Andre Bourgeois evolved as a character because we had already imagined a back story. He had the potential to change, and that’s where the beautiful scene comes from — I think it’s magnificent — between Gabriel and himself on the roof of the Grand Palace, where he says: “But Gabriel, what’s become of us? We’ve forgotten the kids we used to be”. But we [writers] know what kids they used to be, and we’d like to tell the story one day, to show what young kids they were, when they were struggling through Paris and weren’t yet what you’ve come to know in the series. He’s sad about what’s happening to his daughter [Chloe], and he’s trying to change it, but he can’t. He is proof that a character can change.”

This. This right here is what cinched it for me. I've tried for years not to say it because it's a word that has been flung around a lot over these last few years, but I feel like this little snippet is enough of a reason for me to say it.

These writers are sexist.

They may not believe it, but whether they intended for it or not, they wrote a story arc where a grown man was shown to have more sympathetic qualities than his daughter. How the hell can you defend it in a way that doesn't highlight the misogyny that this show runs on?

The fact that they gush over how much "potential" Andre had right after saying how that same kind of potential wasn't enough of a reason to attempt a redemption arc with Chloe really shows how confusing their priorities are. I'm sorry to keep saying this, but for a show that takes a heavy anti-capitalist philosophy, it seems like the members of the 1% are the characters who get the most depth and sympathy... unless you're under 18 and lack a Y chromosome, that is.

A meeting will be set up in the coming weeks to decide on whether or not to make a live-action for ‘Miraculous’, Thomas Astruc reveals.

As a former Arrowverse fan, I'm willing to see this out. Not only did the Netflix One Piece series prove you can make an animated property work in live-action, Ladybug & Cat Noir: The Movie managed to do really well even without the usual writers behind it.

Thomas when asked about Gabriel’s wish in ‘Re-Creation’ (5x26) and whether he brought Emilie back to life: “All the answers are in the episode.”

For the love of--STOP SAYING THAT!

You keep claiming that we just need to rewatch the episode to understand things, but between the continuity errors and abandoned subplots, it's hard to tell what's important and what isn't. Either say "No comment" or give us an honest answer.

If people are still confused about how the season ended after almost a year, and you keep giving answers like this:

Maybe you need to change the way you tell the story.

Astruc when asked about ‘The Supreme’: “Oh, if only you knew... Nothing we do is meaningless.”

Sebastien Thibadeau on Season 7: “Once you’ve seen the start of season 7, I can swear you’ll watch season 6 a second time. That’s all I can say.”

Because it'll make Season 6 look like a masterpiece by comparison?

Thomas Astruc on the worldbuilding: There are Kwamis and Renlings, what makes you think there aren’t others [creatures]?

I swear, by the time we get to Season 10, we're going to get stuff like aliens, demons and talking mushrooms, or at least something ludicrous like that.

Zoe had a love at first sight when she met Marinette in ‘Sole Crusher’ (4x07), they confirm.

Of course! That's why it wasn't framed any differently from something like the umbrella scene and Zoe showed absolutely no signs of attraction to Marinette! It's genius!

Executives had Thomas write several alternative concepts for ‘Miraculous’, very different from what we know today or even the early PV. Among them, “a concept where Ladybug is the head of a group of superheroines, like Sailor Moon. There was no love story.”

Can you imagine a world without the Love Square?

The script writers’ favorite episode is ‘Simpleman’ (4x19) as it represents a personal, work and family attachment. Marinette’s grandfather, Roland Dupain, is inspired by Thomas Astruc’s grandfather.

Okay, either Astruc had a complicated relationship with his grandpa or he's been dead for years. While I understand that older generations have outdated views (for example, my great-grandmother yelled at me for saying I wanted to learn Japanese because "They tried to kill us!"), the fact that a caricture of a grumpy old man was based on his grandpa is a little concerning.

Also, between this and Sabine being based off an old flame of his, this only makes the theory that Chloe is based off a real person Astruc knew more plausible.

Astruc: “This is why our work is so difficult. We have to manage to bring in this generation of younger ones, and at the same time, we have to satisfy the generation that was here before and that grows with the series.”

First, if you're trying to please older fans, maybe don't get into fights with them on Twitter.

Second, you made a thread after "Simpleman" aired where you insulted fans for not getting the "meta" element to the episode and compared them to the character you just said was based on your grandfather.

You've also been burning away a lot of the older fans' goodwill over the years. Trust me, I have a few examples.

Despite sharing a similar appearance, the symbol on Nino’s T-shirt is not related to Hack-San.

Okay, is this a fan theory I missed back when Season 4 was airing? Why would anyone draw that conclusion?

Thomas Astruc talks about Season 6: “I’ll say it sincerely, I was very doubtful at the end of Season 5. I said to myself: “if we were to continue, how would we exceed?” Well, we did. It’s been a great season. The new writers have brought us a lot of great stuff. All the episodes we’ve written in Season 6 are fabulous. Each episode is on point, there is no unnecessary lines. All the scenes are really interesting, really well-crafted.”

Translation: Tons of filler, bad comedy, reused Akumas, and more Love Square drama that we're trying to claim hasn't been done before.

Thomas when asked if Marinette will get akumatized: “We never give any information about what may or may not happen.”

JUST. SAY. NO. COMMENT.

There are many important details throughout the series that no one has noticed. Thomas says that when we see the next seasons, we’ll think, “Oh, the writers had it all planned.”

You know, like how Season 3 established that Sentimonsters can be sent out of control by Cataclysm a few episodes before Adrien, a Sentimonster, gets hit by a Cataclysm and is affected in a different way. It was all planned from the beginning.

The Ladybug PV was an animation test and was not intended to be public. Jeremy Zag decided to leak it himself.

Honestly? Dick move on Zag's part. You have to wonder how pissed off Astruc was.

According to Thomas Astruc, what the ‘Miraculous’ series is today represents only 5% of what he wrote in the original bible he presented to Jeremy Zag. “The universe has evolved a lot since. I don’t know if the ideas I put there will be reused someday. It was very extensive.”

Thomas Astruc and Sebastien Thibadeau discuss the parallels between Marinette and Gabriel: Astruc: “Gabriel’s personal back story is the cause of his misery, not his will. And above all, it creates a beautiful mirror with Marinette, which is what’s interesting. They both have a lot of love for Adrien, they’re both designers, they both have a Miraculous, but it’s other choices.” Thibadeau: “That’s what makes it a great hero-villain contrast. Even if they don’t know it from the start, they have a real point in common. As we see at the end of Season 5, they both love Adrien. Except there’s one who does it by doing the right thing, and then there’s another who does it by doing the wrong thing, hurting people, to get there.”

And the one who did the wrong thing by hurting people ended up winning. What does that say about the contrast?

------------------------------------------------------------------

And that's it for the interview. I have to say Season 6 does not look pretty so far.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #miraculous ladybug spoilers #ml spoilers #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt

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chosetherose · 5 months

Note

"The Alchemy" = Karlie's POV of how she's going to take Taylor from Travis?

"I haven't come around in so long

But I'm making a comeback to where I belong"

Karlie showing up at the Eras Tour! Taylor didn't spend long enough with either of the beards for "so long" to make any sense as being about them. How do you make a comeback when you're barely a thing to begin with? Karlie's comeback was headline news though.

"So when I touch down

Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown"

Her football fan baby ("fly like a jet stream") is touching down and coming to sweep away the understudies, users, narcissists and clowns. King of my Heart coming to reclaim her crown! We can only hope 🙏

"Cause the sign on your heart says it's still reserved for me"

Taylor can rewrite history all she wants, but Tratty was never a thing and no-one with a brain can buy the idea that he was the love of her life ten years ago, while Kissgate was happening right in front of him. Peak Kaylor era. When we all saw with our own eyes how she looked at Karlie! But, no, it was Matty all along! Sure, Jan.

Meanwhile, even the "anyone but Karlie" Gaylors who hate her can't deny Taylor has been writing songs about Karlie for a decade now. Even they think she's not over her. So who "still" has Taylor's heart and could make a comeback? Mmhmm.

"I circled you on a map"

Flashback to Taylor highlighting Kaylor-related towns on the weather map in the Lavender Haze music video. Uh-huh.

"Who are we to fight the alchemy?"

Alchemy is the process of turning things into gold. Are we really going to sit here and pretend this isn't Ms Gold Rush, Ms "it's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold"? Are we really going to pretend Karlie hasn't been gold coded since the beginning? But no! This is about Travis! Totally! Does your blindfold fit snugly enough, babe, or do you want me to tighten it some more for you? 🙄

"Hey, what if I told you we're cool

That child's play back in school

Is forgiven under my rule?"

The child's play is the bearding. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It's getting so old to never grow up. Karlie is saying it all means nothing.

"These blokes warm the benches

We've been on a winning streak"

Her British beards have just been keeping Karlie's seat warm. While she and Taylor have privately been on a winning streak.

(Seriously, the construction of this song makes no sense if you believe it's about Travis. How could she have been "on a winning streak" with him, while "these blokes" were present-tense warming the benches? Or are we supposed to believe they're just waiting on the sidelines for Taylor to get back with one of them? Even though things are so great with 🚜 and she's said multiple times she doesn't want that? So . . . how is any of this working, exactly? What benches are they warming? Are we SURE the "we" is Travis? Hmm?)

"He jokes it's heroin but this time with an e"

People are so distracted by this "dig at Matty" they can't see what's right in front of their faces. Heroin with an e = heroine. As in, the female hero of a story. The joke is that the one to "save" Taylor won't be any of these jokers dressing up as kings. It's a woman. A HEROINE. Not a hero.

And then we get a football metaphor everyone will assume is about Travis, even though Karlie's love of football is well-documented. Do we really think Travis cares more about the beard he's made his meal ticket than he does about winning a trophy? Yeah, right. The days of wasted celebration with no Taylor in sight really give that impression. The thirst traps he was liking on Instagram while "dating" Taylor really show he only has eyes for her. Totally.

Meanwhile we have a million songs where Taylor tells us all her obviously-Karlie lover ever wanted was her.

I can't see The Alchemy any other way than as a Karlie comeback song. Bring it home, Karlie! We're all rooting for you! Go! Fight! Win! 🏆

Wow, Anon! I love this take! Lots of food for thought.

#CTRask

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bovineblogger · 7 months

Note

I wanna tell u about the Brazilian oxen, pretty important characters to Brazil folklore :D

it's gonna be something quick and superficial bc I don't know much about them and at this point we enjoy more for the festivals, it seems. but anyway

starting with the famous Garantido and Caprichoso (Guaranteed and Capricious in free translation). they both are rivals and it's a big festival in the north of the country (it happens in Parintins, more specifically). like, it's a three nights party dedicated only for them.

idk why they are rivals but you just essentially choose a party and stay loyal to it tho. like, it's a serious thing fr. the whole city is divided and it seems that if you go dressed to the festivals dressed in one colour but go for the other ox, you can be booed or even kicked out of the arena (yes!! they have an arena!!)

Capricious is the black and blue ox with a star and Guaranteed is the white and red with the heart. it seems capricous is bc he's pretty and guaranteed bc the owner made a promise. I could be wrong.

they also make songs about these oxen

the second one I know more bc I met him and it's story in my school. this ox is also more talked about in the north and northeast. is Bumba-meu-boi or Boi Bumbá (bumba-my-ox/bumbá ox in free translation. I assume bumba has no meaning, it just rhymes with boi).

as you can see, he doesn't have a specific pattern, is just a pretty black ox (tho I just saw some pictures of him in white? I told u idk much lol)

his folklore, in resume, there was a pregnant woman that wanted ox tongue. she asked her husband for it and he went after the prettiest ox and killed him because of it. the owner of the ox did not enjoyed that and the couple got in trouble and to make it up, they resurrected the ox. the owner got so pleased that he threw a party after it.

it also seems that he's related to the above oxen?? idk how, idk why. Brazilian folklore it seems that things just happen here. fuck the origins lol but it does make sense since they're three ox and two of them are black

the north oxen idk much about bc I don't live in the north so if someone has more knowledge on these oxen or just live there, I would be very thankful for any mistake I made that was corrected.

OH MY GD THIS IS THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD IVE NEVER HEARD ANY OF THIS!!!! im going to cry this is so beautiful. i have to see for myself some day, brazil has been on my bucket list for so long!!!!!!! what a beautiful culture, what lovely cows, im so glad im alive

#asks

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afewproblems · 1 year

Text

Give me Steve, Eddie, and Robin at a bar on a Friday night.

They've had a few drinks, and a shot or two when a song comes on, and Steve immediately jumps to his feet with an, "Oh shit!!"

It's Madonna's Get Into the Groove and for a moment Robin and Eddie think Steve is in pain, that he hates the song as is going to ask the DJ to change it.

Except Steve waltzes onto the dance floor, right into the center.

There aren't too many others dancing, it's early still, barely nine in the evening but the spot lights are on and the DJ flicks on the multicolor strobe as Steve parks himself on the dance floor.

Robin laughs and wishes she had brought the disposable camera instead of leaving it in her junk drawer at home.

Eddie meanwhile rolls his eyes, and pretends not to notice the tightness of Steve's jeans or how the light catches the flecks of gold in his hair and eyes.

He's been attempting to hide his pathetic little crush for awhile now, complaining to Robin every chance he gets when Steve does something particularly charming or handsome.

She tells him, as sagely as she can muster, to grow a pair and do something about it already.

But how can he, Steve was, well, Steve...lovely caring, hot as hell, Steve.

What chance did Eddie have?

So he sits there, miserable, nursing his beer, letting his eyes trail after Steve while Robin giggles beside him.

They've never seen him dance, it's bar, they're drunk, the worst that could happen is he makes an ass out of himself and they all go home with a great new story to tell the party later.

God Robin really wishes she brought her camera with her.

But then Steve is moving and he's fluid, never missing a beat. It's some kind of choreography, intentional and practiced movements that wouldn't be out of place in a music video. Eddie and Robin look at each other because, what the fuck, where did this come from??

And people are cheering and whooping, strangers scattered here and there sitting off of the dance floor. There's a sense of comradery, like they're all witness to something and being allowed to share and indulge in this little impromptu performance, but all too soon the song is over and Steve heads back to his seat with a small round of applause and a blinding smile pulling at his flushed cheeks.

"Steve, what the fuck was that??" Robin blurts out before Steve can even sit. Eddie nods, a little dazed, beside her and tears at the paper label on his beer bottle, maybe if he can keep his hands occupied he can keep them to himself.

"What was what?" Steve breathes out as he hops onto the stool beside them, Robin in the middle.

Robin's mouth falls open as her face scrunches into something exasperated but fond, "What was--that! The dancing!"

"Oh, that," Steve huffs with a lazy smile, he leans his elbow on the sticky wood bar and waves at the bartender to signal for another gin and tonic, "I used to help Carol with her choreography for cheer".

Eddie pinches his thigh below the bartop and chews the inside of his cheek as the image of Steve in the Hawkins High cheer uniform begins to solidify in his minds eye, fuck.

Robin elbows Eddie without looking, somehow reading his mind, and throws her hands out, beckoning Steve to continue because that isn't nearly enough information.

"Yeah, she'd come up with routines and you know, they are meant to be done with more than one person, and I mean she and I were friends before Tommy so," he shrugs and smiles at the bartender as they pass him the drink, "I dunno, it was fun, and I remember that one the most".

"Plus," he says with a smirk, "Carol always said the best thing about dance is that you can tell who appreciates the performance and who appreciates the person doing it," he winks as Robin scoffs and calls him gross, but Steve isn't looking at Robin.

Eddie swallows as molten heat creeps up his neck and over his ears, the urge to hide his face, run for the door, melt into the floor, is immense.

But Steve doesn't move his gaze, he smiles softly at Eddie and winks again over Robin's head which she promptly drops into her hands.

"I'm surrounded by horny idiots," she grumbles but the words are muffled in the din of the bar and her own hands as Steve tips his head back to the dance floor and holds out his hand for Eddie to take.

#im pretending this song came out in 1981 or 82 when they were still friends #dont come for me #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steve x eddie #robin is fed up with all this pining #i 100% want steve and carol to be the childhood besties #tommy came after and he and steve were good friends but maybe tommy is the reason why they stopped being so close #i just like the idea of steve and carol doing fun silly things like this #steve and eddie absolutely go home together after this #they have a short talk and then a long night #and then a longer talk in the morning

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jolapeno · 1 year

Text

x. oh, just to be with you

javier peña x f!reader | chapter ten of late night texts

summary: It's the year 2000. Javi is minding his own business on the porch of his pop's ranch when a text from an unknown number vibrates his phone. The only problem is, no one knows he has a phone and no one has his number.

chapter warnings: we're back to texts and phone calls. sorrowful!javi, two idiots pining for one another. fluff. flirting. continuous romcom vibes. falling in love. idiots in love. pls don't be mad at me ✨ wordcount: 3k.

text key: bold is you/reader | italics is javi

He's aware of everything.

How the porch creaks when he steps on it, the way the back door doesn’t quite meet the frame unless it’s locked. How the wind is knocking something else, far across the tall grass and fence posts.

Right now, his focus is on how his curtains don’t quite close. That they're letting the thinnest crack of moonlight cascade through his room. How the smallest luminescent slither keeps dancing in the breeze, yet it still lands perfectly on the propped-up photo strip on his dresser, highlighting the two of you, as though he hadn't committed them to memory.

He can’t remember the last time someone had managed to slide around his walls—bypass his common sense and begin weaving themselves into him. Javi also can't remember the last time he wanted something more than a win.

Then came you.

Not that he complains that you're the exception. He'll never complain when it comes to you.

Having people close has never been his issue. It’s letting himself fall that he’s forever found hard. He can be a lover who makes a night all about the other; he can be a protector, shielding and doing what is needed.

It’s the parts after when he feels he clams up. A portion of him constantly weighing up risks, calculating the damage he could cause—either by a choice he could make or others—long before the city that housed Escobar.

Javi knew his reluctance had stemmed from before he left Laredo, but it was now carved somewhere deeper in him. Something you managed to find with relative ease and cut out of him as if it was nothing.

All smiles. All radiance and fucking beauty, with a laugh that could make his lips curl even if his bones are aching and his muscles are tired.

If he closes his eyes, he can almost convince himself that he’s back there, in the hotel room. Because even if you’d never been here, your room is full of him.

His bag of spilt-out clothes from your time together, slowly letting the scent of your perfume seep out across the room. Your jacket, hung on the closet handle, and the photos and sign you made on his dresser, all perfectly in sight.

you have nice handwriting I did try my best, sometimes I get lazy and letters blur together more. I like how you wrote baby Does this mean I’ve got the whole set now? Cause you like how I say it, how I write it, how I mouth it.

Even when he had known you’d needed to get some sleep, Javi had desperately wanted to beg you to stay up. Sending back a text here or there, already missing you so much more than he was sure he could handle.

He felt lovesick. Like the singer in all those songs that make people either stare at a loved one or bite back tears because they lost theirs. Suddenly relating to a sea of them he’s heard on the radio in the kitchen or hummed in the back of his pop’s throat.

Javi had been happy to see his pops, somewhat surprised he even came out of the house to greet him. But, as soon as his eyes landed on him, he became suddenly more aware of his old man’s age. Noticing the lines on his face, the ones that tell a thousand stories—not all of them he’s sure he’s heard. Curling into the hug he’d barely reciprocated before, unsure how to form the words to thank him for convincing him to go.

Naturally, he asks about you.

It’s more of an interrogation if he’s honest. He shows the photos, the ones now on his dresser, watching his pop smile as he continues to answer the array of questions, until he yawns for the tenth time in the space of five minutes.

“You should get some sleep, Pop.”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead, Javi. Tell me more about your lady.”

Your lady.

Those two words stand out as if they’ve been illuminated in bulbs, twinkling and shimmering.

now youre back in reality you sure about us Never been more sure about anything, baby. just wanted to check You’re beginning to sound like me, worrying. left a mark on me Think that’s fair, you’ve left a lot on me too. Especially my chest.

“Tomorrow. Promise. The drive took it out of me.”

But Javi isn’t tired.

Somehow, he had suspected he wouldn’t be the moment he watched you leave.

For longer than he cares to number, he's struggled with it. Had developed an unhealthy live-able balance of it when he was working, something he managed to keep as a prize in his return.

Now, it’s different.

There’s an edge to it. As though he's now having to pay back the stolen sleep he enjoyed when he had been lay with you. When he slept with ease and not struggle. Leaving him feeling now like he’s in a lull, a dream. All aware, not in a daze anymore, noticing things he had never given much attention to before his trip out of town.

You had been so warm, so soft. His fingers gliding up and down your side, soothing you as much as it was him. But, you slept with ease. Falling almost instantly once you'd stopped talking, a little jolt and a soft sigh punctuating it.

Fuck, he misses you.

Thumb and index pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes clenched shut. Unsure how he's supposed to manage, and cope, until the next chance he gets to see you.

Till he gets to hold you in his arms, stare at your smile as it grows across your face or feels the light tap of your hand when he’s teasing you...

Something ugly curls inside of him. At first, soaked in sadness, before it shakes itself and burns bright with annoyance. Irritation. Anger at how unfair it all is.

How is it, after all, he’s given up—he’s fallen for the one person not even in his state? A person he had to say goodbye to hours ago, for reasons out of his or their control.

He almost snorts, unsure if it’s due to the tiredness or the reality that after all he’s faced, life would continue to be cruel and deal him such a hand. Tempted to get up, kick off the sheets and pull out the crossword from before he left town.

Javi doesn't. Instead, he closes his eyes, shaking his head—to no one but himself. Because he can't do them without you now. A promise, one given with ease.

He hears the whisper of the wind, the rustle of the trees. Something needling at him that if he wasn't so broken, this would be the perfect amount of quiet to fall asleep to.

Now, it's not the loud of a Colombian city he misses now. It's how your leg slides over his, how your breaths feel on his chest—how you twitch, ever so slightly, as you first fall asleep.

But, it’s the quiet as to why he hears his phone vibrate, practically darting out of bed, knowing it can only be you.

why aren’t you asleep?

Because I can't sleep without you. Apparently.

I miss you too.

I really hate this. I even miss you digging your knee into my hip.

told you that you’d miss it once it was gone

I feel like telling you that you’re right will mean your head will inflate.

youre right

One day, right?

if I could make that tomorrow I would

You really missing me that much?

not enough words in the world to describe how much, baby

Gonna make me cry.

dont cry I can’t wipe them from here

So not wise for me to tell you I cried the entire flight home.

did the person you sit next to seem to mind

They didn’t say anything until we landed. Then promptly told me that I deserved better.

so they thought you were broken up with

I think I may have led her to believe that from the amount I was crying.

fuck you like me a lot

I like you a regular, normal amount.

I don’t think I like you a normal regular amount

That’s the tiredness talking.

you know it isnt

I feel the same. I really miss you.

I miss you too but you should try to sleep you have work tomorrow

Okay, but so do you!

ill be fixing a shed or a pen baby you have to deal with people

go to sleep and then tomorrow we can call as planned

You’d told him that you suspected the first day would be the hardest.

Not the goodbye (and that had been fucking painful) but the following day when they were apart.

Javi hates that you’re right.

It twists inside of him how much he loathes it—grateful that he gets to push some of his anger into repairing the side of the shed. Hammer meeting nail, again and again. Each time with more fury than is needed, only worrying after whether he’s done more damage to the shed post than pre.

"Mijo."

He doesn't find a judgemental look, but one filled with sympathy.

His pop not quizzing him, just handing him a beer. A cold one, droplets descending down the can, sliding across his palm and down his wrist—attempting to soothe the boiling blood in his veins.

“It’ll get easier.” His pop tugs his hat down, shielding his eyes, before staring off into the distance. “When me and your mama first began, we couldn’t see each other all the time either.”

Letting out a sigh, Javi grinds his teeth. A sea of biting comments lathered on his tongue, all set to pounce, to poison.

Instead, he kicks the ground, swallowing most of them back. “She wasn’t hundreds of miles away, though.”

“No,” his Pop says, clapping his hand on his back—both for comfort and likely stability. “But we didn’t have landlines, or tha' other thing you do on y’phone. The tapping."

The tapping.

He doesn't snort, even if it sits at the back of his throat. Burying it in the liquid that slides down his throat with ease.

"Come on, ‘need to head into town, and my truck is acting up.”

Javi doesn’t question it, why he’s the one sliding into the passenger seat of his own truck.

If he’d thought about it, he’d have asked why the truck was acting up or why Pop was driving instead of him. But he doesn’t—didn’t. Just let it happen, staring off as the shades of grass pass him by, fingers playing with the cap on the can, twisting and twisting it.

To fill the silence, he rolls the edges of the can around in his hands. Crunching the sides every now and again, making him wince from the noise.

Then, he finds himself staring at the fingerprints left in the dust from you touching his dash—eyes catching sight of a hair grip on the floor near his boot.

He’s rolling it in his fingers when they’re back on the road, silence smothering them until he watches his pop turn on the radio. As soon as it springs to life, it becomes desperate to try and cut through it. The broadcaster mumbles about heavy rain and increased traffic, but he’s lost in a sorrow of sadness all cast by the spell of a good week to care. The fog around him making it hard to see the wood through the trees, never mind the hope through the misery.

“Dios mio. More trucks passing through now since the bridge opened. Y’noticed, mijo? So many.”

“Hmm.”

Eyes fixed on the grip, the one more worn on one side than the other—imagining your face, the night when he’d watched you take them out, face fresh, one of his tees on your frame.

Then, because the world isn’t cruel enough, the song changes. The radio playing a game with him now, as well as everything else, as he lifts his head, trying to focus on the road. Hearing the soft thud of his pop’s fingers on the steering wheel, his jaw tightened as the lyrics washed over him. Faintly hearing you humming along with the chorus.

Because he heard the song in the diner with you.

Heard it on the radio one afternoon, then again in the bowling alley—how it wrapped its tune around the two of you.

“Heard our song today,” he says, fingers massaging his temple.

He's thankful his pop said he had plans, the quietness settling over the rest of the ranch.

Before he met you, he dreaded the nights he was left alone. His thoughts gearing up, ready to pounce. The minor differences he could have made if he took a step back and stared at the facts, how he should have noticed how deep the corruption was—how much Colombia was taking from him, bit by bit.

Now, he tries not to grin when his pop says he’s going out.

When he’s left alone, allowed full reign to talk as loud as he wants to you—rather than being huddled near the phone, whispering like a teenager.

“Our song?”

“Yeah.”

Javi can practically hear you smirk. “And how does that go, charmer?”

He’s not a singer. Not by a long shot, but he does his best. Humming the tune at first, softly singing the words from the chorus until he trails off.

You snort, before you try to muffle it in a cough.

“You tricked me.”

“Maybe. But, just because I wanted to hear you sing.”

Smirking, he pulls the phone from his ear—shaking his head—before replacing it back to hear you add:

“You have a beautiful voice.”

“Fuck you, baby.”

Your laugh rips from you, hurtling down the phone right to his soul—making fireworks explode in his chest and warmth kiss his nerves.

Because now he can imagine what you look like. Likely head thrown back, eyes closed—nose scrunched a little as your hands grip onto something for leverage.

And it was beautiful. You’re beautiful—your laugh and your smile. Something he feels he should have said long before now. He’s about to rectify that, when he hears it merge into a sniffle—veering into tears and half-suppressed swallows before a noticeable little sob breaks through—as his throat dries instantly, closing.

Turning, he places his palm on the fall as he tries to keep his chest from tightening. The knot in his chest, the one he suspects is tied to you in some way, constricts, pulling taught around his lungs.

“I—I miss….”

You sniffle again, louder. “I've been looking forward to this all day,” you whisper, voice catching, words struggling to fall as sweetly as they usually do. “But, is it bad for me to say that phone calls aren’t the same now I’ve had the chance to be with you in person?”

Leaning his forehead against the kitchen wall, Javi wipes his chin. “Took the words outta my mouth, baby.”

He hears you chuckle, almost both heavily and heavenly, before you ask about his day.

He rambles because it’s easy too. You listen, lapping up every single thing. Hearing about his trip to town, his pop making jokes—trying, desperately, to crack through the mist that had descended.

“How was yours?”

Then you sigh, all tight. You tell him about Aish and her interview, before your voice softens as you begin whispering about the prep you’re doing for your interview. He’s about to comfort you, when you continue about the asshole you work alongside has been taken out for lunch by your boss and that you snagged your favourite pair of tights on a desk.

“But, enough about that—guess what I’m wearing?”

Smiling, he bites down on his knuckle, Javi lifting his head, groaning as he tries to think. “All of your clothes at once? Anything else might short-circuit my brain.”

“Won’t tell you then.”

“No. Please. Tell me, baby.”

He hears you move, and is almost sure he can hear you swallow. “You realise that you’re missing something, Javier?”

Fuck, the way you say his name. How it drips from your tongue. Laced in lust and swirling down the phone line to his brain.

He quickly tries to think of his washing, the piles he made—the attempted sorting. And it hits him. His eyes widened, head half-lifting, feeling his eye twitch.

“Fuck—“

“Yes. I’m sat in that. And underwear, of course.”

“Hermosa…”

His throat is dry, painfully so. Mind arranging an image of you from the days he spent with you. And fuck.

“Wasn’t sure this shade of pink was my colour, but I was wrong.”

Jutting his jaw, he closes his eyes—picturing the sight of you. The underwear he’d had the chance to peel off of you, the way it set against your skin—now, accompanied by his shirt on your arms. The buttons are likely undone, showing off more skin than he can currently process thinking about.

“It’s nice on my skin,” you whisper, all honeyed. “Be better on my floor.”

Clenching his fist, he bites his lip. “Baby…”

“Maybe I’ll show you one day.”

Snorting, he traces his teeth with his tongue. “You better. Now, tell me about the underwear.”

“Only if you can answer six across. Clue: now.”

Mouth parting, his jaw rolls to the side, eyes picking a spot on the wall. Thinking. And thinking.

“Want an extra clue?”

“An extra? You're spoiling me.”

He hears you giggle, low and in your throat. “It’s an Italian word. And, ‘I want to see you… blank—“

His eyes flick up, a smile spreading. “Pronto.”

“Correct,” you reply. “Seven words, silenced. You did this to me when you had your mouth on my—“

“Shushed,” he says quickly, fist clenching, trying to stare at the mark on the wall again, and not let the image of you populate in his head.

“You okay, baby?”

Gritting his teeth, he sighs. “You’re devious, you know that?”

“I think it’s your shirt. It’s making me… flirty.”

Grinning, he turns on the spot, back against the wall—head tilting up, eyes closing. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too….” your tone softer, frayed at the edges. “I’m kinda glad I stole your shirt.”

“Me too. Means I get to see you to steal it back from you.”

“Off me.”

It comes out quickly—purposefully chosen, spilt.

Frowning, he opens his eyes. “What?”

“Off me. You’ll have to steal it from my body.”

Grasping the phone, breathing through his nose, letting out a murmured, “Fuck, baby,” under his breath.

AN: for all those wondering if they'll be together in person again, they will. i am a happily-ever-after kind of writer unless otherwise stated. but it was so important to me that they had a magical week, and then returned to their lives.

#javier peña x reader #javi peña x reader #javi peña x you #javier peña x you #narcos x reader #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javi pena x reader #narcos javier x reader #narcos javier #pedro pascal x reader #narcos fanfiction #pedrostories #mm: late night texts #javier peña fanfiction #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfic

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ugh-yoongi · 1 year

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about u | jjk

❝ this song is about a love that you can’t reconcile—wanting to make a home out of a person that has proved to you time and again that they are not a home; they are just a person. it’s about retracing scars, negative patterns, all with the silent belief that moments of communion and understanding might justify months of misfiring and regret. we’re all just trying to get back to that ‘first high’ feeling—an honest endeavor, however futile. ❞

✤ PAIRING jungkook x f. reader ✤ GENRE exes to fwb to strangers, college/grad school au; angst, smut ✤ RATING explicit. minors do not interact. ✤ WARNINGS toxic & self-destructive behavior (inc. jealousy and possessiveness). infidelity (with an external partner). reader is bisexual (which is not a warning but a general statement so the homophobes stay away) and there is a brief mention of coming out. two people who are both too honest and unable to communicate. swearing. cigarettes and alcohol use. kissing, some spitting, fingering, oral sex, protected vaginal sex. every time i asked jess to read this over for me she always came back with "jfc jewel" so i guess this is angsty. unhappy ending. ✤ WORDCOUNT 7.3k ✤ LISTEN TO this was based off of "winterbreak" by muna, but there are bits and pieces of the entire about u album in here, "everything" and "outro" especially. ✤ THANK YOU to muna for writing the album, @the-boy-meets-evil and @hot-soop for reading over this for me multiple times and putting up with all my brainstorming and my beloved @here2bbtstrash for the extra set of eyes. ✤ AUTHOR'S NOTE hi, thank you for reading! i cannot emphasize enough how much more sense this story will make if you listen to about u in the background. i would also like to reiterate that these two are maybe not all that likeable most of the time, but i hope they're still human. as i once saw in an ao3 tag, you are more than the worst thing you've ever done.

[ the first. ] You’d read an article once—something about the second time you fall in love.

It’s going to feel different, it’d said. The first time felt like a dream.

As you stare across the kitchen at Jeongguk, you think that might be true. The part about it feeling like a dream, because it used to be a pinky-lavender haze and everything that has come after hasn’t felt so good. Not a nightmare, but close. At least with nightmares you can force yourself awake. You can tell yourself it wasn’t real. You can pretend.

This is as real as it gets, watching him smile over the rim of a plastic red cup. Someone else’s hand on his arm. The girl it belongs to looks nothing like you, and you wonder if she’ll be the second time he falls in love. You also wonder why you didn’t stay home. You wonder about fault and regret and if either of them even matter. No, you eventually decide: there’s just you in Taehyung’s kitchen and Jeongguk on the other side of it and the result of a million decisions in between you.

There had been a plenitude of reasons you’d fallen in love with Jeongguk, but he’s undoubtedly beautiful. Soft, tinkling laugh; a smile that reaches his eyes. Not all that long ago you used to be responsible for both, so there’s a lingering, bitter sting beneath your wonder. Jeongguk is beautiful and no longer yours, and that’s enough to have you retreating to the living room.

Jimin’s at your side immediately. Wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of your head that does little to alleviate your guilt. Missing someone is always easier with thousands of miles in between you. All those distractions. Just like a nightmare, distance lets you pretend. Not so easy to do when all those ghosts come back to haunt you; when you can still hear Jeongguk’s soft voice in the kitchen. The music is so loud but you’d be able to hear him anywhere, you think.

Even places he’s not.

Jimin leans down, forces his way into your personal space. “Are you doing okay?” he asks, and his words are warm and wrapped in alcohol, but you nod. You’re scared you might start crying if you open your mouth. Afraid of what might come out besides shuddering breaths, which just makes you feel stupid. Baby’s first breakup, you chide yourself. Maybe Jimin can get you a commemorative ornament.

Taehyung is turning twenty-four and it should be joyous. It is joyous. People that aren’t you are laughing and dancing and pressing their cheeks together as they huddle close to take selfies. Someone you don’t recognize is cackling wildly as they wrangle Taehyung into a headlock and smear cake frosting on his face. Someone else is tutting and running a rag under the tap to wipe it off and then the frosting is gone. It’s hard not to draw parallels.

There one minute and gone the next.

Gently wiped away.

But the feeling lingers, doesn’t it? The tack of the frosting, all the love that transpired between you and Jeongguk. Sometimes you fear it’s permanent—not able to be wiped away with a rag run under the tap, not able to be wiped away at all. Just this burden you’re cursed to carry, because Jeongguk isn’t and can’t be yours but knowing does nothing to erase the past. Doesn’t help you forget. It’s fucked and it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it goes.

“I think I should leave,” you say, watching another scene play out in the kitchen. Jeongguk fills a cup and hands it to a different pretty girl. Everyone here is so pretty. Makes sense; so is Taehyung. Pretty people are drawn to one another like that. “Is it too soon? Will it be obvious?”

Jimin sighs, wraps you in a hug. Says, “Oh, love,” in a way that’s too sympathetic. Makes you sound too pathetic. “No one will blame you. These things are hard.”

You squeeze your eyes shut. Not that you don’t appreciate Jimin’s reassurance, but sometimes it all feels a bit silly. Weren’t you the one to walk away? Call it off? Are you allowed to mourn the very thing you destroyed?

And Jimin, bless him, is so patient with you. Asks if you need a ride home and you wave him off, remind him your parents’ place isn’t far, that the cold might do you some good. You tell him you appreciate him and his night shouldn’t be ruined on your account, and you just laugh when he tries to protest, tell him to go get himself another drink.

“Text me when you get home,” he says, voice stern, and you brush that off, too. “I’m serious. It’s late and it’s dark and anyone could be out there—”

“Maybe I should walk you home, then?”

All those articles you read about the second time you fall in love didn’t mention this. Said nothing about the way a voice will always be able to turn your world on its axis and how to right it again. Said nothing about how to coexist with ghosts. Said nothing about what to do with all the yearning and the pain and the stupid, selfish strands of hope. There are paragraphs about an overarching, general grief, but nothing about the specific one living inside of you.

The shock on Jimin’s face is reflecting your own. It’s nice to not be the only one caught off-guard and stammering over their words. It’s nice to have a friend when it feels like your entire world is on the edge of collapse. “I don’t…” he begins. Swallows thickly and turns to look at you, an obvious question biting at the back of his teeth.

You know the answer.

You know that what you should say isn’t what you want, just like you know it isn’t fair, this thing you’re doing. Because you turn to Jeongguk and say, “Are you sure?” which might as well be a yes, because you’re selfish and suspended in this liminal space and don’t want him to go home with anyone else. You don’t want him to move on.

He shrugs. “It’s on the way.”

You say okay. Let Jimin help you into your coat, hide his face in your neck as he tells you to be careful, and that stings. You’ve never had to be careful around Jeongguk before. The two of you never, ever hurt one another—until you did. The kind of hurt your heart hasn’t easily forgotten, is still stubbornly clinging to.

Your heart wants Jeongguk, always.

You want Jeongguk, always, so you let him grab your hand, link your pinkies together. You let him lead you out of the house and don’t turn back to see who might be watching. God, you want to, though. Want all those pretty girls to see that he’s leaving with you. Want them to know it’s your name that’s branded on his heart; your name beneath his skin. For once, you want someone to want what you have.

It’s strange. The two of you have been apart for eight months, and there’s a lot of things you might want to tell someone in that amount of time, but you find it hard now. Don’t know where to start, which words to use. Don’t want to say something stupid, because Jeongguk is just walking you home but you’ve assigned a lot of meaning to it, and eight months is a long time to yearn for something and finally get it.

So you say, “You didn’t have to do this, you know,” because it’s something that’s true and easy to say.

Jeongguk doesn’t answer right away. Drops your pinky so he can hold your hand properly—fully, all five fingers intertwined—and squeezes. “Is it weird for you?” he asks, and he doesn’t sound nervous. Almost sounds like he’s smiling a little, giving you shit. He sounds familiar.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe a little.” He asks why? at the same time he passes under a streetlight. Lights up golden and amber. He’s beautiful—“I don’t know. It’s just… I guess it’s just been a long time. We didn’t leave things the best.”—and no longer yours.

The Jeongguk walking beside you is not the same Jeongguk that walked out of your dorm eight months ago, tears staining his cheeks, the smell of a goodbye fuck still clinging to his clothes, his skin, sweat still dotting his hairline. This Jeongguk is sharper, more selfish with his laughter, and you wonder about all the ways heartbreak can change a person. How you’re changed for facilitating it. You wonder if Jeongguk blames you before deciding you’re too much of a coward to find out the answer.

“Was it that bad?” When you look over at him, he’s chewing on his lip ring, trying to bite back a smile. “You’ll have to remind me. I don’t remember.”

You stop walking, jerking forward when Jeongguk is left unaware and keeps going. “That’s not funny,” you say. “Jeongguk, that’s not—I did what I thought was best, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing—”

The smile drops from Jeongguk’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he says, and he’s hesitant to reach out and touch you but he does it anyway. Cups your face in both hands. “I know, it’s okay. That’s just—it’s just life, right? You did what you had to do, babe. It’s okay.”

You did what you had to do, babe.

Did you?

Jeongguk is selfish with his laughter but never his affection, and knowing that feels like an albatross around your neck. You have broken him so entirely, but he’s still kind to you, finds it a worthwhile thing to be.

His eyes go to your lips. Tattooed fingers dimple your face just a little more, dig in deeper. When you dare to take him in, he looks… different. No longer amused, the way he was just seconds ago; now, there’s something dark there. Longing, anger, hunger. Jeongguk looks like he wants to swallow you whole and make you suffer; looks like he wants to cage you beneath him and worship you through the comedown.

I’d let him, you think as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. As you smell the smoke that lingers, the sweat and the alcohol. I’d still let him.

It’d be so easy to press a kiss there. To feel his skin beneath your lips: flushed, still warm from the party, not all daunted by the bitter winter wind biting at your cheeks. As you lean in further, you wonder if it’ll taste the same. You wonder how much can change in eight months and if all those old comforts change, too. If it’s something inevitable.

Jeongguk moves his hands to your waist. Crawls his fingertips beneath your jacket and finds bare skin. Sucks in the smallest bit of air, and you would’ve missed it had it been any other time, but winter is always quiet and subdued. Always smells transitional, something dangerously close to hope and redemption.

And eight months is a long time to miss the feel of someone’s lips, isn’t it, so you think you can be excused for reaching for something you thought you’d never have again.

The first kiss is hesitant, testing; pressed to the spot just beneath his ear. Maybe you don’t know this Jeongguk, but you know the version of him you used to love—the one you still do—and you know the way he’ll sigh. You know the way his hands will grip tighter. You can still hear it, the way you used to kiss him there and he’d say, don’t start something you can’t finish, baby, and the way you’d laugh and always, always finish it. Can still feel the warmth that used to bloom in your chest. The love.

Jeongguk won’t say that now, you know. Wonder if it’d sound more like don’t start something you already finished if he did. He huffs a small laugh, more an exhale than anything, and asks, “What are you doing?”

And you answer, “I don’t know,” because it’s honest. You admit, “I guess I just miss you,” because it’s true.

A war wages within Jeongguk. You can see the storms, the white flags that are close to being thrown out. Can see the way his gaze flits between your lips and your eyes. What he’s looking for, you don’t know, but the storm rages on. And just like real life, just when you think it’s at its worst, there’s a break in the clouds: a tangible beam of silvery-warm light when Jeongguk tangles his hands in your hair, thumbs at the hinge of your jaw. Jeongguk tilts your head back and looks ethereal in the amber glow of the streetlights.

He says, “We shouldn’t,” and you nod, because you know and the anguish on his face is surely mirrored on yours, but when he follows it with, “let me take you home, let me take care of you,” you find it impossible to care.

You nod.

Everything is amber.

Eight months is a long time to go without the way Jeongguk kisses you: intentionally, demandingly, insatiably. He still tastes the same. Tastes like the first time you’d ever dared to kiss him, back at that party freshman year, tongue flavored with cheap liquor. Jeongguk tastes forbidden and feels like coming home.

You couldn’t say how you make it to Jeongguk’s apartment, but the way you stumble over the threshold feels familiar. The way the door is barely locked when Jeongguk crowds your space; picks you up, wraps your legs around his waist, presses you against it, hips moving on their own accord, rutting, all those little sounds spilling from his lips—everything is familiar. This is not just a practiced song and dance but something memorized. Something instinctual. You could be apart from Jeongguk for years instead of months and your body would still know what to do.

He carries you to his bedroom and you don’t think about who else has been between his sheets, because he puts you down so gently. Kisses your lips, your jaw, your neck—all gentle, powder-soft. Sounds like spring when you paw at the velvety cashmere of his sweater, pull it over his head, and he sighs. Feels like he’s breathing fresh life into something he shouldn’t, something long dead, but then you skim along his warm skin and your world is reduced to the way it feels like silk beneath your fingertips.

“I still love you,” Jeongguk whispers against your mouth, his inked fingers toying with the button on your jeans. Pops it open, pulls the denim down your thighs. Doesn’t bother pulling them off, only goes as far as your knees. And it’s uncomfortable, the way it’s bunched there, but the way Jeongguk says, “Fuck, missed you so much,” is so sweet.

Everything happens too fast.

Jeongguk leaves your shirt on. Drags it up and over your breasts and kisses at the newly-exposed skin. Sinks his teeth in, lets it hurt for a second before he laves over the marks. Settles between your legs and coaxes an orgasm out of you with his mouth and his fingers. Speaks his praise into the juncture of your thigh, breathless as he touches himself, strokes his cock with the wetness lingering on his fingers. Looks so, so pretty when he sits back on his haunches and says, “Just wanna look at you,” and makes it sound wistful and longing.

Makes it sound like it means something.

He’s still touching himself, still slicking himself up. There’s a split second where he goes to move and thinks better of it. Looks to the side before looking back at you. The storm kicks up again. “Have—” he begins before he swallows thickly. Dares to look hopeful, even through the squall. “Have you been with anyone else? Since…?”

You haven’t. Tried to, once—another stupid party, more cheap liquor passed to your mouth from someone else’s, but it hadn’t gone anywhere. They hadn’t tasted like Jeongguk; hadn’t felt the same. Two puzzle pieces that fit together all wrong.

Jeongguk has, though. Something you’d heard from a friend of a friend that you weren’t meant to. They’d called it a rebound, and it had bloomed so many ugly thoughts in your head. Five months had passed. Jeongguk was fucking someone else in his bed while you were in yours, torturing yourself over whether or not to tell him happy birthday. Whether it was allowed to or not, it’d stung.

(You had. You’d reworded the text a million times, plucked up all the courage you could find before you sent it. It’d gone unanswered, just like you expected it would, and you thought it was because Jeongguk didn’t want to talk to you. Thought you were digging your fingers into wounds that had yet to heal, so it’d stung but you understood.

But Jeongguk hadn’t answered because he was fucking someone else. Had someone else’s taste on his tongue; was panting someone else’s name into the dark. The embarrassment had been the worst part.)

Still does, if you’re being honest with yourself, so you lie. “I—yeah,” you answer. “Just one.”

Looks like it stings Jeongguk, too. “Right,” he responds, blinking back tears, and he’s got a lot of nerve, you think. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just—a condom. Are you…”

“Jeongguk—”

“Are you sure? Maybe this isn’t…” He huffs. Drops the condom on the bed, hangs his head. “What are we doing?”

You stare up at the ceiling. Nothing up there but the swirls in the plaster. “I don’t know,” you admit. “Hurting each other, probably.”

Jeongguk walks his fingers down your thigh. Grips at your skin, wants it to bruise. Wants you to have something to remember him by come morning. “Sometimes I’m really mad at you, you know?”

“Yeah, trust me, I know.”

He nods. Refuses to look you in the eye now that you’re watching him. “I still love you so fucking much and I’m still so angry. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I… fuck, I thought I was over it. I thought I’d see you and not feel a fucking thing.” There’s fresh ink on the back of his left hand. You hadn’t noticed it earlier, but you notice it now, when he runs his hands down his face.

You also notice the way the atmosphere shifts, the split second in which his heartache bleeds into something else—resolve, maybe. Obstinacy. Like he knows how this is going to end and he’s going to do it anyway. He’s going to find the most painful part and press on it, dig his fingers in, and it’s just an inevitable, foregone thing. Something he can prevent and something he’s choosing not to.

“You fucked someone else,” he sneers. Rips the foil open with his teeth, flashing too white in the dark of his bedroom. Rolls the condom on like it’s an inconvenience. Like you’re an inconvenience. “Was it good? Was it worth it?”

You roll your eyes. Feel the way your breath catches in your throat, because you’re not going to cry. Jeongguk fucked someone else and is vilifying you and it’s hypocritical and ugly and unfair, but you’re not going to cry over it. You’re going to press the gas pedal as far as it can go, say, “Yeah, it was,” and find some wicked delight in the way his eyes squeeze shut, as if it can spare him from the pain.

The two of you used to love each other. Jeongguk used to smile down at you when you were naked beneath him like this. Used to lean in close and whisper that he loved you just as he pushed inside even though you knew, you could feel it in everything he did. Now, there’s no smile. Now, he leans down and spits on your pussy and pushes inside and doesn’t tell you a goddamn thing.

Not with words, anyway.

Because the way he fucks you says it all. Impersonal, desperate, bitter. He grips your hips and fucks into you frenzied and fast. Takes your hand and puts it on your clit and tells you to get yourself off. An inconvenience. Tells you he misses your tight cunt, tells you he misses the way it milks his cock, tells you he misses watching the way you come undone underneath him, but he doesn’t tell you he misses you.

There’s a moment, just after he spills into the condom and stays inside, just catching his breath, when you think he might say it. Might tell you he loves you around the lump in his throat, might apologize, might ask if you two can’t figure it out.

There’s only a moment.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Lets the moment pass. Pulls out and ties off the condom and wordlessly gets up to throw it away. It’s the silence that pisses you off. The disregard. Jeongguk hates you for something you’d lied about doing that he’d done for real, so you can be wordless, too. You can treat him like an inconvenient, cheap fuck, too. You can get up and find your clothes and pull them on and let him watch, words biting at the back of his teeth, and you can tell yourself to feel nothing.

You can say, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve,” and not shy away from the resentment in your voice, because it’s properly placed. “You fucked someone else, too, so you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, Jeongguk.”

Eight months is a long time to miss someone, to play at daydreams. To think of all the things you want to say, the things you’ll do. In not one of them did you think about this: you, fully dressed and stinking of sex, saying, “It’s late. I’ll show myself out.”

Jeongguk, tears glistening on his cheeks, saying, “No, let me—baby, I’m sorry, please—I’ll drive you.”

A shake of your head. Jeongguk doesn’t push it.

Roll credits.

[ the second. ] Jimin wants to talk your ear off about it—the girl you’re seeing.

It’s new and there isn’t much to say. You tell him the two of you met at one of the student showcases put on by the art department and leave off the part about all of Jeongguk’s old friends being there, that he would’ve participated, too, if he hadn’t dropped out after you broke his heart. Leave off the part where you would’ve been there to support him instead, in another life. Leave off the part where it’d just been morbid curiosity: you, not an art student, wandering those halls to see if Jeongguk’s photographs were still framed on the wall.

“Is she nice?” Jimin asks, head nearly knocking into yours as someone shoves by him. “Fucking asshole.”

You nod. “Why would I date someone that wasn’t nice?”

Jimin, perpetually unbothered until he decidedly isn’t, sends you a look that he hides behind the rim of his cup. “Because you’re in your self-destruction era and aren’t thinking clearly.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You know I’m happy if you’re happy, but…” He pauses as he trails off. Tries to wrap his words in something delicate. “It’s pretty clear you still aren’t over it. That’s all.”

You snort. “That’s all?” you repeat, like it’s some small thing. Like it’s normal and fine.

“I’m sure it’s easier to pretend when the two of you are thousands of miles apart,” Jimin amends, and he must see how you bristle, stung by the callout, because his eyes soften. “Tell me about her.”

She’s beautiful and kind and smart. Smokes clove cigarettes and the smell is always clinging to her skin. You know how to make her come but don’t know what she’s majoring in—fashion, you think, because she’s always holding fabric swatches against your skin. Tells you what suits you and what doesn’t. Tells you which textures don’t work, what’s too warm, and she doesn’t need to tell you what’s too cold because you already know it’s you.

She’s beautiful and kind and smart and has no idea you’re still in love with someone else.

But you can’t tell Jimin that, can you? Can’t tell him about how she’d dragged you to a private corner in the gallery and kissed you breathless; the way she made you come on her fingers; the way Jeongguk’s name nearly slipped out of your mouth as you shook. Can’t tell him that she’s got arms full of art. Delicate patchwork; nothing like the harsh, bold colors inked into Jeongguk’s skin, but it feels the same to trace the lines.

You can’t tell him much of anything, so what you settle on is, “She’s nice—good for me,” and it doesn’t sound convincing to either of you.

Jimin doesn’t call you on it, though. Not again. Instead, he keeps his gaze steady, staring into the fire, the flames dancing wildly when you meet his eye. “You need to be careful,” he says. “You’re going to hurt her, too. Maybe worse than you hurt him.”

“Jimin—”

“Just be careful,” he reiterates, and all you can do is nod. What else is there to do besides wait for the inevitable crash and burn?

And it’s a little unfair, you think, that Taehyung grows older every single year. A little unfair that guilt won’t let you decline the invitations. A little unfair that you can still pick Jeongguk’s laughter out of a crowd. A little unfair that these hometown friends-turned-acquaintances still throw sideways glances whenever someone else touches him, as if he still has someone to answer to; as if they’re expecting something.

An hour. You’ve survived an hour longer than you did last year, and it’s not much but you’re still proud of yourself. You’ve had a drink, talked to someone other than Jimin. Managed to ignore the way Jeongguk is ignoring you; the way he immediately leaves a room as soon as you enter. Maybe it’s better like this, you reckon. Maybe it’s what you need.

An hour is long enough. Jimin doesn’t comment on the way your bones crack when you stand to leave. No one needs a reminder of growing older. He doesn’t ask if you’ll be okay, either; if you need a ride home. Instead, he stays quiet as he studies you, clearly wondering if lightning strikes twice. If you’re going to be able to walk past Jeongguk and out the door without making another mistake.

You can at least make it across Taehyung’s sprawling yard and to the house. You can dodge the sweat-slick bodies and the girls sitting in laps. You can toss your empty cup in an overflowing trash can. You can pretend the eyes on your back are well-intentioned.

You can make it to the bathroom.

Annoying, the way your phone has been vibrating all night only to disappoint you. Irrational. You scroll past the emoji-laden messages, the coy flirting, because they’re from the person you’re actually dating—the person you told you were going to sleep early—and not from Jeongguk. You should feel guilty. You should feel guilty, but the face staring back at you in the mirror doesn’t look guilty at all.

She looks tired. A little beat-down, but that’s life.

Maybe that’s just what happens when you’ve spent the last two years of your life chasing after ghosts.

A knock at the door startles you. Sends your phone tumbling to the floor, screen probably cracked to hell, and you swear under your breath. “Just a minute!” you call out, a little stunned from how threadbare you feel all of a sudden.

Still, the knocking continues, and you’re on your knees on this bathroom floor and all you want to do is cry. You don’t want to be on this floor in this house. You don’t want to keep putting in the effort of maintaining the facades of all these friendships. You don’t want to keep coming back to this town, don’t want to keep being confronted with the harsh reality of all your mistakes.

“Just a fucking min—”

The words die on your tongue, because there Jeongguk stands, all the air in your lungs dissipating at the amount of space he takes up. Even worse when he steps inside and locks the door behind him. You feel like you’re going to drown. You feel like you’re going to scream or cry or both, and you’re still on the floor, still on your knees, and it feels too much like penance when you look up at him. Feels like you’re groveling, praying for forgiveness.

You stand quickly, ignoring the rush of blood to your head, the way your legs tingle. Jeongguk still hasn’t said a word, doesn’t seem like that’s going to change, either, and it’s really all you can do to stay on your feet when everything in you is screaming to collapse.

Eventually, he says, “You’re seeing someone,” and it isn’t a question, not really, but it borders on one. It’s a question and a confirmation and somehow sounds a lot like he’s asking for permission for something.

“I—yeah.” You swallow. “It’s new.”

He hums. Steps a little closer. Leans against the sink. Darts out his tongue to swipe at his bottom lip before he tugs his lip ring between his teeth. “Yeah? Does he treat you well?”

“She,” you correct, and there’s a flash of something in his eyes. Surprise, maybe. Jeongguk, at one point, had known everything about you, but not this. “And yeah,” you add on, barely a whisper, “she does.”

Part of you feels embarrassed. Jeongguk had known everything about you but not this, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty but it still sits there in the middle of your chest. Feels like you’ve been keeping secrets. Feels like shame, even though you aren’t ashamed. Feels like you’re awaiting judgment. But the surprise in Jeongguk’s eyes disappears and something else settles in its place—uncertainty, if you had to guess.

“Are you happy with her?”

You shrug. “Like I said, it’s new.”

And Jeongguk is as emulous as ever, because he asks, “Does it feel like what we had?” and you already know the answer is no.

“I’m not sure anything will.”

It’s honest; you hadn’t said it to appease him, but he looks pleased anyway. You’re starting to understand why so many people write about their first love. Why it’s such a powerful role to fill. Because you and Jeongguk are standing in a bathroom behind a locked door, feet apart from one another, and you think, I don’t think there’s anyone I will ever love more than him even though it’s been two years. You think, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

You think, I would try over and over and over again if he asked me to.

Later on, when you’re alone in your childhood bed and your face is streaked with tears, only your shame and guilt for company, you won’t be able to figure out who moved first, but one of you had.

Once upon a time, you had known everything about Jeongguk, too. You could recite his taste from memory, but it’s different this time. He licks into your mouth and it tastes like ash—nothing like the clove cigarettes your girlfriend smokes, but close enough that the parallel burns like acid in your throat. It’s close enough that you can keep your eyes shut and pretend again.

This time there’s no softness to be found. There’s just Jeongguk’s mouth pressed to yours, barely letting you breathe, not wanting anyone to hear. There’s just the sink digging into your back. Jeongguk’s hands gripping at your waist, pulling at the hem of your skirt. There’s the frustration and desperation of two people who love each other but will never, ever get it right.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as he spits into his hand and slicks you up, if you’re going to tell her.

There’s you, already too far gone, saying you don’t know.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as you’re clenching around him and dragging him with you to the edge, if you’d come back to him if he asked you to.

There’s you, already knowing the answer to this, too, saying you would.

But this isn’t that and Jeongguk doesn’t ask. When it’s over, he tosses the condom and does a half-assed job of helping you clean up and he doesn’t ask. He splashes water on his face and fixes his hair and he doesn’t ask. He tucks his cock back into his briefs and zips his jeans and he doesn’t ask.

Jeongguk has one hand on the doorknob and he doesn’t ask you to come back. Instead, he asks, “How long are you gonna keep doing this?”

For once, you don’t have an answer.

[ the third. ] You go even farther away for grad school.

You try to put more distance between you and Jeongguk, more distance between you and all the skeletons in your closet, but you just pack them up in different boxes and bring them with you.

You spend New Year’s Eve chain-smoking in your parents’ back yard—that same brand of clove cigarettes, because hearts are easy to break but some habits are not. Sometimes it’s a comfort to hurt yourself in the same way you hurt others, so you chain-smoke and you don’t go to to Taehyung’s birthday party because you weren’t invited and it doesn’t sting in the same way that it doesn’t sting that Jimin doesn’t call you once you’re home because he hasn’t spoken to you in a year.

The clock ticks down to midnight. Someone sets off fireworks. Absolutely nothing changes.

There are no half-baked resolutions. There’s no hope that this is going to be the year you get your shit together. There’s just you and the bed you’ve made for yourself; the autopilot you can’t—won’t—turn off, because you don’t know where you’re going anyway so you might as well just go wherever it’s taking you. There’s guilt and there’s shame and there’s baggage, but they’re all old friends. Those are old scars.

The sweatshirt you’re wearing doesn’t belong to you, and it does little to protect you from the bitter cold that bites at your skin. Jeongguk doesn’t belong to you, either, but he keeps coming back to you like he does.

“Mind if I sit down?”

You shrug, gesturing to the empty chair beside you. The small fire you’d built is down to its last embers, and it’s what you focus on, because you can’t focus on Jeongguk anymore.

“You weren’t at Tae’s.”

“Wasn’t invited.”

“Oh,” he breathes. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I would’ve—”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have gone anyway.”

He seems to hear what you don’t say. I wouldn’t have gone because I can’t be around you anymore. I wouldn’t have gone because I don’t trust myself with you. I wouldn’t have gone because I’ve burned down every good thing in my life trying to keep you. “Oh. Yeah, that—that makes sense.”

He’d texted you. Asked if he could see you. Just wanted to talk, and you’ve never cared much for symbolism, but nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve had seemed as good a time as any to let it go, so you’d said yes. Now, when there isn’t much to say, all of Jeongguk’s flimsy excuses are laid bare. Transparent.

“Was Jimin there?”

Jeongguk nods. “You didn’t know?”

You shake your head. Feels like it’s made of concrete. “No. We haven’t talked since last winter break.”

“Because of—”

How cruel, that you’d confessed to Jimin instead of the one person who deserved to know. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

You shrug again. “It’s okay. I don’t think it’s permanent, just until I can get my shit together, I guess. Wasn’t fair to drag him into my mess anyway.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jeongguk says, and it sounds like something he wants to be true. It sounds like something he’s said countless times in defense of himself. “We’d—I’d do it if I could.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “of course.”

Silence creeps up again, so you dig another cigarette out of the pack and offer one to Jeongguk that he waves away. “Cloves? That’s a weird choice.”

“Just something I picked up along the way.”

He hears you again: They’re what she used to smoke. It helps me heal to hurt myself with something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I chain-smoke clove cigarettes and I don’t wash the smell from my hands, my clothes, my hair, because it makes me feel less alone.

So he asks, “Was it real?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you answer, flicking the wheel of your lighter, words spoken around the cigarette stuck between your lips. “It never had a chance. Not a real one, anyway.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Know what? That I went away to college and started fucking women?” Jeongguk shrugs. Has the audacity to look embarrassed. “What are you trying to ask me? You wanna know if I keep coming back to you because I’m scared to come out to my parents?”

“No. I don’t know. I just—”

The laugh that escapes you is scorched and bitter. Sounds the way the tobacco tastes. “No, Jeongguk. I keep coming back to you because I keep hoping you’ll ask me to.” I keep hoping you still want me.

“I almost did,” he admits, and you can hear how he swallows around the lump in his throat. “The first time.”

“When you were a dick about me sleeping with someone else? Yeah, okay. You didn’t want me back, you just didn’t want me to be with anyone else.”

He huffs. “How the fuck do you know what I want? You’ve never bothered to ask.”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” comes your response, stilted and practiced. “It doesn’t matter what we want, because we’re just going to keep hurting one another trying to get it right.” You suck in a breath, wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. “And we’re never going to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then ask.” Jeongguk startles, looks at you with wide eyes. “Ask me to come back for real, Jeongguk, and I will.”

A beat of silence.

Two, three, four.

Someone sets off another round of fireworks. A dog barks. It’s so cold that you can see Jeongguk’s breath each time he exhales, each time he breathes out instead of speaking. All the words he isn’t saying. And it’s exactly how you knew it would go, but it does nothing to tamp down the devastation in your chest.

You’d confessed your transgressions to Jimin and thought your silence to your ex-girlfriend was a gift, that it was sparing her the pain of what you’d done. Now you understand that someone’s silence can be the most vicious thing of all.

[ the last. ] Graduation looms. It’s the last winter break you’re spending at home.

Your therapist suspects you get your compartmentalism from your parents.

They don’t mention it. They see the stack of boxes and your bare bedroom walls and they don’t say a word about any of it. They watch you pack everything in your car and don’t offer to help. They process their grief silently, and when you can’t stand it anymore, you say, “I dated a woman my senior year of undergrad, you know.”

They don’t say anything to that, either, but it feels good to tell them. Feels a little like freedom and reclamation, like you can be who you are in front of others.

When you leave for good, you don’t want to repackage all those same skeletons.

So you meet Jimin for lunch and you take it in stride that everything is weird, that there’s nearly two years of silence to fill. You don’t ask for forgiveness and he doesn’t demand it of you, just asks if you’re doing better. “I’m doing the best I can,” you answer, and it’s human and honest enough that he accepts it with a warm smile.

Jeongguk is more difficult.

There’s no way to neatly box up that kind of baggage.

You’d intended to stop by his apartment to talk, tell him you aren’t coming back anymore. There’s nothing left here for you, you’d told him, and there was a flash of something. A there’s me, isn’t there? that had gone unsaid, destined for the same fate as a million other unspoken words between you.

Because there is him, but there’s also the way you’re desperately trying to claw back into something resembling normalcy. You’d lost yourself when you also lost Jeongguk, and you need to figure out who you are without him. You need to know who you are once you stop running and let your demons catch up with you. You need to hear what they have to say.

Maybe Jeongguk had said it best last year—“It’s not that easy. I’d do it if I could.”—because you’re nothing if not predictable and self-destructive.

You’re nothing if not naked and on your back beneath him, your fingers threaded through his hair as he rocks his hips into you, more tender than you deserve. His lips are ghosting along your skin and every press feels like a brand. Feels like he’s both making a mockery of you and declaring you ruined for anyone who might come after him. Feels like you’ll love him until you die.

(Some version of you must exist outside of Jeongguk’s grasp—outside of his orbit, his bed—but right now, as he twines your fingers together and pins them above your head, you can’t figure out who she might be.)

Eight months had been a long time to think of all the things you wanted to say, and four years is worse. Four years, and you still can’t bring yourself to ask him to try again, but there’s nothing after this, nothing to lose, so your voice is hoarse and raw when you say, “Jeongguk,” and he groans a little, nips at the column of your throat because he loves the way you say his name. “Jeongguk,” you repeat, because he senses the urgency, hears what you aren’t saying.

“Yeah, baby, say it. Whatever it is, tell me.”

He rolls his hips faster. Before, he would’ve tried to prolong the ending, but he’s hurtling towards it now. There’s nothing after this, you know, but you need the confirmation. You need to finally put all of this to rest. “I want to—” His cock strokes someplace that whites out your vision. “Fuck, want to—want you to come with me.”

He laughs, full of himself, probably smirking out the side of his mouth. “Keep squeezing me like that and I will soon.”

“No,” you insist, shocked at the conviction in your voice, “when I leave. Come with me.”

Everything slows. Jeongguk pulls back, moves his hands to cover himself, and there’s nothing but cold confusion in his absence. “What?”

“I didn’t ask you before. Last year. I just—I left it up to you, and you’re right, I didn’t ask what you wanted, but I didn’t tell you what I wanted, either. But I’m telling you now. I’m asking—”

There was never going to be anything after this.

Jeongguk’s silence says it all.

The way he pulls out and rolls you onto your stomach. The way he fucks as fast and as hard as he can. The way he used to love you openly and honestly and now holds whatever’s left close to his chest like it’s something to be ashamed of.

Someone’s silence can always be the most vicious thing of all.

Roll credits.

thank you so much for reading, and an additional thank you in advance if you decide to reblog my work. as always, my inbox is always open for any feedback! ♡

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook imagine #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #bts x you #bts angst #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfic

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causenessus · 7 months

Text

Loving You. | Haikyuu

inc. akaashi, bokuto, oikawa, iwaizumi, atsumu

written in 2nd pov (female reader implied)

song recc: help they all have a song AND/or a quote anyway hatachi no koi by lamp <3

word count: 1884 words

summary: "they love you. how do they show it?"

hello hyperspecific examples? hopefully they're fun to read and make sense!! shoutout to the boy whose bokuto's is based off of <3 also first time writing for atsumu so hopefully i did ok!!!!!

they love you. how do they show it?

hello hyperspecific examples?

akaashi

“have you eaten? (i love you). did you get enough sleep last night? (i love you). how do you feel today? (i love you). did you have a nice day? (i love you). will you come on a walk with me? (i love you). here’s some fruit i cut up for you. (i love you) (i love you) (i love you).” "you're my everything"

although he’s quiet i just think he’s so expressive

like he has no trouble saying “i love you” but also says it in so many other ways than just that

he cares so much about you you’re not even able to doubt it for one second. it’s like every question is just his way of saying “i love you”

“did you eat today? do you want something to eat?” “how was your sleep? did you get enough sleep?” all his way of saying i love you

he’s always randomly coming into the room you’re currently in, gently grabbing both sides of your head and just kissing you all over, no words, just adoration <3

again I don’t think he’d have any trouble saying that he love you but it just feels so much more intimate, easier, and meaningful for him to find ways to show/say it instead

he’s such a big fan of the three taps to say i love you (link to an image post about the original person who did this)

he’s always holding your hand in public, giving it three squeezes, he’ll be playing with your fingers when you guys are sitting together and suddenly he’s giving your skin three taps. he’ll kiss your forehead three times, he’s always telling you that he loves you <3

he just loves to be around you and he’s always looking out for you

if you guys have a class together and you unexpectedly don’t show up to class, he’s texting you immediately to make sure everything’s okay

and he’s always keeping you company while you’re doing things, from homework to cooking to just reading

if you need help or will let him help with anything, he’s more than happy to but he also just loves chilling

from the beginning of your relationship and even before when you guys were just friends, hangouts often went on way longer than they were supposed to and you often stay over at each others’ houses because neither of you can bear to leave the presence of the other <3

bokuto

“love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control and putting faith into them and trusting them to choose to stay with you no matter what you have to offer. to love and be loved is to rest.”

he trusts you so much

like yes this precious baby has definitely put his entire trust into a lot of people but you’re so so much more to him and it’s different <3

he feels so safe with you and he know he can trust you with literally anything, he does not hesitate to share or tell you anything

he’s following you around all the time like a lost puppy

guaranteed there’s been at least one time where he had to navigate an arena away from home without you and akaashi

he did not show up to warm ups

someone had to come find him huddled in a corner, alone and lost

that random fact about how you feel sleepy around the people you trust?

he can be so energetic with you but other times he can’t even keep his eyes open around you

he’s always falling asleep, his head lulling to the side and resting on your shoulder on train rides back home

sometimes he’ll be telling you stories and suddenly letting out the biggest yawn ever

he'll forget that he's talking because suddenly all he wants to do is spend his time curled up with you <3

he loves to lean against you or be in contact with you in someway, whether that be holding your hand (or just a finger <3) or a hand on your thigh, it makes him feel so sleepy but so safe

murmurs so many “I love you”s before falling asleep

because he trusts you he’s also so good at listening to you too

from the silliest of things to actual requests <3

this is about to get so hyperspecific bear w me pls

you’d just finished redesigning a profile for a social media account and in a passing thought, as you guys were laying with each other in bed, you happen to say, “you should change your profile picture at some point, kou. you've had it for years.”

you didn’t mean it anyway bad, just something you suggested since you had just reorganized your own profile but you still loved his current profile picture <3

but the next time you happened to see his account, you noticed it was a mirror pic from before you two had dressed up to go out a few months ago

“when did you change your profile picture, love? it’s adorable,” you smiled as you kissed his head while he was laying on you

“like 10 minutes after you told me to, i just had to find the right photo,” he mumbled, his voice muffled from your shirt that he had buried his face into

other times it’s things like helping around the house, asking him to wash the dishes while you’re cooking for example

he’s so willing to help but in the beginning, he was lost

he was so ready to wash them but darling could not find the soap

but he loves you so much he’s always working so hard to do what you ask of him so he’ll make sure he learns more about chores to help out more and ofc there’s always more to learn so he’ll always be following your lead <3

oikawa

“when you like the spotlight as much as i do, it’s quite an adjustment to realize that the real reason you might be here is to shine it on someone else.” "she looks just like a dream / the prettiest girl i've ever seen."

man has been living with a spotlight shining on him his whole life

but once he met you, he completely fell in love and he moves the spotlight to be on you <3

literally just completely worships you must i say more

he does not let insecurities slide he’s your #1 hypeman and will fight anyone who disagrees

people around you both have noticed that since you guys started dating, you’ve grown more confident as a result of his love <33333

it doesn’t have to be big changes, literally just things like you’re able to talk louder, voice opinions, or try new things because he’s always there to encourage you along the way

take it you’re a little shy and don’t usually talk very loud but you have to if you’re going to get everyone’s attention in a setting such as trying to manage seijoh’s volleyball team (good luck with that 💔)

you raised your voice and it worked so that you could quiet the boys down in order to explain a change in plans for practice

afterwards, tooru’s coming up to you with a big smile on his face as he rests his forehead against yours

“i don’t think i’ve ever heard you yell, princess,” he says, looking into your eyes but you can’t help but take what he says in a bad way, looking away

“i didn’t mean to yell at you guys, i just didn’t know what else to do,” you mumble back with a frown

he kisses it away with a small laugh, “no, don’t feel bad, pretty. we were all surprised but so proud of you. you never would have done that at the start of the school year.”

he’s so happy whenever you try something new and he’s always there to tell you how well you’re doing even if you don’t feel like it

if you show that you love him by supporting him in his passions and all that he does, he shows his love by supporting you 1000% back

iwaizumi

“there’s nothing softer and more gentle than loving someone with your whole heart and never once holding back when it comes to them.” "think i'm gonna love you 'til i'm dead / i can't wait to buy you things / a brand new diamond ring / this is more than just a fling"

man loves so hard

i cannot see him in a short-term or commitment-free relationship

if he loves someone, he loves them wholly and completely. he’s all in, giving you everything

even before you guys started dating he was always checking in, making sure you were doing okay and offering hugs if you ever needed them

you cannot tell me that he doesn’t give the best hugs ever <33

now that you are dating though it’s just an excuse to love you more and show it in so many ways <3

as i say every single time, i just know he loves buying you gifts

you’re always on his mind, in every situation, whether he’s walking around and sees something in the window of a store that he knows you would like, or when he’s going to go pick something up to eat, he’ll always buy you something as well <3

he’ll really do anything for you, too. ask and it’s almost guaranteed

“iwa, can i draw on u”

“anything you want, princess”

“can we go get ice cream?” (it’s midnight)

“yea, are you ready to go now, love?”

all he needs in return is your love

adores getting to take naps with you or just laying in bed with you and in public, he always has an arm around your waist or should, keeping you close

with him it’s a complete all-all 100% relationship from both sides, that's what love is to him

everything is shared between you guys from money to items to secrets, you guys have complete trust in each other there’s not even a question about it he’s so good at communicating and keeping everything clear

everything he has is yours if you’ll be his <3

atsumu

“the one that loves, does he come back? the one that loves never leaves, my dear.”

he just completely softens around you

in fact i could see him getting worse around other people because you’re just the only one that matters to him

you know those videos about gym bros with girlfriends who act all misogynistic and stinky at the gym so that girls don’t approach them? that’s him. (i tried so hard to find a video as an example but i could not pls tell me u know what i’m talking about)

if any girl other than you tries to approach him literally anywhere they’re about to be absolutely obliterated when he flat out ignores him. or, if they don’t get the hint and he finally acknowledges them, he gives them the dirtiest, coldest look known to man, his nose wrinkling as he turns to them

“huh? yer talking to me? why? piss off.”

everyone knows that if they have to give him bad news, it’s best to do it when you’re in his general proximity or he’s just talked to you because that’s when he’ll receive it best

it’s nearly impossible to anger him when you’re around, and even if he gets upset, he won’t blow up, he’s just too enamored by you <3

loves to hold your hand in his lap or have a hand on your thigh and he’s content with life

his voice always lowers and softens when he’s around you, and he gives you the sweetest heart eyes

he’s always looking at you and he’ll tease you a lot just because he adores your reactions but they’re all just playful jokes

“ya know, if you ever wanted to cheer for me when everyone goes silent during games, I’d let ya,” he told you once while he was keeping you company before a game on a bench

“what? I could never do that,” your face heated at the thought, “it’d just be me and everyone would look at me. someone would probably even get mad.”

he chuckled, shaking his head as he brought your knuckles to his lips, “that’s the point. you’d sound so cute, and they’d know yer mine.”

if you ever had a problem with how he treats other people, he’d try to work on it if you talk to him about it

no promises, but he’ll do his best for his princess <3

#akaashi x reader #bokuto x reader #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcannons

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