#with the exception of maybe fair which i would say is a love song

[patroclusdefencesquad]

i think one of my favourite things about the amazing devil is that they don't write love songs, they write songs about love

[hard-core-super-star]

make every mistake [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: you run into your ex at the vanity fair party, almost a full year after your breakup, and are forced to accept some hard truths.

warnings: technically none; bitter exes being bitter but also getting distracted; A LOT of references to cheating [very open to interpretation, though; more than one reference to JA; rubix please get over sunkissing challenge; did not proofread at all so it might not make the most sense at times; does this count as a ventfic?

wordcount: 1.5k

a/n: i was supposed to be writing something else [what a surprise lmao] but...it's sunkissing's anniversary and unfortunately, that song still means a lot to me and i needed to be nostalgic for a second. plus, last year's vanity fair party is what inspired me to start writing fanfiction again so...consider this a very weird, bitter, and nostalgic first anniversary celebration. i hope you enjoy and thank you so much for your love, support, and patience this past year, i plan to continue writing for you guys for a LONG while <3 [and yes, this is sunkissing (sad girl edition)]

* * * * * * * Whoever coined the phrase,”wrong place, right time,” as a good thing seriously owes you some compensation. It implies that there could be something possibly good in the situation you’re in but what could be good about being stuck at the same party your ex is also at?

Of course, that person might get along with your friends who have been trying to convince you that this situation is a fantastic opportunity for you to show how happy you are. Something that would work if it were true.

But it’s not.

How could happiness be anywhere on your radar when every time you interact with someone, they’re quick to remind you your ex-girlfriend is currently parading around with a quarterback? Not to mention, the amount of cheating rumors hasn’t been helping you feel much better about the situation.

Maybe you’re overly petty or arrogant, maybe even codependent, but time has done little to heal the wounds caused by a certain actress.

Which is why you were supposed to be out having fun in the first place…although maybe all of this could have been avoided if a certain 22-year-old hadn’t lied her ass off and told you there was no chance in hell your ex would show up.

All you know is you’re stuck in a room full of people you don’t care about, anxiously looking around every few minutes hoping you won’t run into her. It’s exhausting but it’s also highly addictive.

You’re in the middle of debating ditching Billie and the rest of your friends instead of torturing yourself for another hour when you catch a glimpse of the person you’ve been trying to avoid all night. 

Your eyes find her for just a few seconds and yet the whole world seems to stop all at once. 

Just like the first time.

You wouldn’t say you have a habit of romanticizing the past…except when it comes to Hailee Steinfeld and her ridiculously enchanting energy. A lot of things have changed since the day you met but the one thing you’re sure will remain a part of you forever is the way your heart takes off running when she's around.

Running away would be easy. It would probably be the solution to your impending problem and yet you stay. Because as much as you hate to admit it…you’ve missed her. Seeing just a glimpse of her feels like ecstasy after spending so long trying to erase the thought of her from your mind.

You know you’re chasing after someone who isn’t even there anymore, someone who vanished the day Hailee chose to go out to dinner with that guy instead of coming home to you. The person you love has been shoved back into far more closets than you can count but you’re an addict and the thought of getting her back for just a few minutes gives you a greater high than anything else ever could.

So, despite the thousands of reasons not to, you find yourself walking toward her. You tell yourself it’ll be fine, she’s in the middle of ordering a drink and the chances of her paying attention to you are close to zero.

You quickly learn close to zero isn’t enough.

You arrive at the bar right when she’s turning around to go back to whoever it is she’s pretending to get along with tonight. Her eyes instantly find yours and whatever liquid courage you had fades away in that very same instant.

For a second, you expect her to walk away without even acknowledging your presence, but then her mouth opens. “I can’t believe you actually left the house for this.”

There were a thousand sentences you were hoping to hear her say and the one she chose is nowhere on it. It does nothing except remind you of all the infuriating reasons why you can’t be around her anymore.

“Gee thanks, don’t sound too excited.”

She merely shrugs, acting like she can’t see the way your smile drops. “Just being honest.”

At some point in your relationship, you would have made fun of her for sounding so much like the characters she loves to play on TV but today, her attitude pisses you off like nothing else.

“Honest, huh?” You scoff. “That's gold coming from the cheater.”

There’s a flash of something in her eyes, mostly annoyance, and you know damn well that’s exactly what you’re looking for. A sign that she’s still human despite how much she loves to pretend like she doesn’t have feelings anymore.

Unfortunately, you’re sure her reaction has more to do with the fact that you’re in a room full of people who could overhear you than anything else.

“Oh, come on. I didn't cheat on you,” she says in the exact same tone as all the times before.

“Right, right, you just casually had dinner with your new boyfriend while we were still dating.”

A crack begins to form in her facade but you’re too annoyed to celebrate. 

All she does is groan before placing her drink down on the bar and coming toward you. She wraps her hand around your arm, seemingly unaware of the sparks her touch ignites, and drags you toward the first secluded area she finds.

“Are we seriously going to have this fight again?” She questions you once you’re away from prying eyes.

“Sure,” you reply. “The only thing we ever do is fight.”

“Stop acting like I’m the only one in the wrong here. We both made mistakes.”

You scoff. “You’re right, I trusted you wholeheartedly. What a stupid mistake.”

“Oh my God.” She throws her hands up, frustration dripping out of her every pore, and yet she makes no move to walk away from you. “You haven’t changed one bit.”

“Changing isn’t always such a good thing. Just ask Martini and Brando, I bet they love the weather in Buffalo.”

It’s another cheap shot and you know it. Most of all, you see it. The flash of hurt that lingers in the eyes you know so well. 

“Don’t,” she warns.

You can’t stop yourself from adding more fuel to the fire despite her warning. “Why? Is that more honesty than you can handle?”

“y/n, stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re right, I don’t know. Because I have no idea who you are anymore.”

It suddenly strikes you that you’ve had the same exact conversation with her before. You don’t know why you keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different ending. Especially considering Hailee is the most stubborn person you’ve ever met.

“You’re not the only one,” she says with a sigh, practically deflating in front of your eyes. “Believe it or not, you’re not the only person I’ve disappointed lately.”

“No offense but that’s the most accurate thing you’ve said in a while.”

A small chuckle escapes her and the sound instantly brings you back to simpler times. To spontaneous dates at the beach, random car drives to the middle of nowhere to watch the sunset, sleepless nights spent helping her rehearse for an early morning shoot the next day.

To being in love.

Back when your love actually mattered.

“Do you ever regret it?” You find yourself whispering into the space between you after a long silence. “Regret us?”

Her answer might split you in two but you're tired of the desperation that clings to you from the sheer amount of unsaid things that still linger in your mind. 

“No,” she replies, her voice so quiet you almost miss it. “I regret how things ended, I regret what I did to you…do you?”

You shake your head before you can stop yourself, the truth spilling out of you just as fast as the tears that painted your face the day she left. “I regret…how much I love you…how impossible it is for me to hate you.”

For a split second, you catch sight of the Hailee you once fell in love with. The one with warm eyes and the softest smile imaginable. The one who could easily break your walls down with a single chuckle. 

“Give it a few days,” she replies. “It’ll stop being so impossible.”

 It’s ridiculous how enamored her words make you. It’s also stupid and infuriating that no matter how badly you want to walk away from her, you can’t find a way to make your feet move. You’re stuck and that growing smirk on her face tells you she knows exactly how much you’re struggling.

“No witty comeback?” She questions, her head tilting slightly to the side in an almost mocking gesture.

“I’m just trying to decide if I should slap you or not.” Your words hold no real bite to them, even if you wish they did, and you both have to pretend neither of you notice the way you lean toward her.

Her eyes betray her as they slide down your face until they reach your lips. Her gaze rests there for longer than would be appropriate for an exchange between old friends. But you’re not old friends. You’re something more. Something that exceeds categories and reasons.

Something that rests completely in the space between your mouths.

It should be easy to turn away from her…but it isn’t…and you can’t stop yourself from meeting her half-way when she leans in close enough for you to feel her breath on your lips.

It’s a mistake.

But it’s one you make as easily as falling in loving her.

[gloomysoup]

thinking of a fic. here to share. it may become something. it may not.

so the title is already figured out. it's 100% going to be Not Another Rockstar and it's going to be loosely based on the song (same title) by maisie peters. i say loosely bc i don't yet know how exactly it's all going to play out and i only have like bare bones of an idea at the moment but i need to get it out into the world otherwise i'll forget (y'all honestly hold me accountable)

so here it is: famous!au steddie, with a side of buckingham probably bc i said so.

unclear how steve is famous yet (leaning toward model, maybe actor), but eddie is the guitarist of famous metal/rock band corroded coffin (can't decide which genre but maybe they start in metal and change genres over time to be a little more on the hard rock side who knows)

steve has a long complicated history w rockstars. he's dated more than his fair share, and he's over it. to him, they're all the same: douchebags who drink too much, do too many drugs, and only really want him around as arm candy and a good fuck. he's sworn off dating rockstars for the rest of his life. and he does really well, until he meets eddie. now i'm imagining their first meeting is as simple as it gets. steve has no idea who eddie is at first, but eddie absolutely knows who steve is. and he THINKS steve knows.

so they go about their relationship. they choose to keep it relatively private, for a while. they get papped a few times, but steve assumes it's because of him. it's never mentioned by either of them. eventually, though, steve starts to notice things. specifically rockstar traits in eddie. nothing crazy, just little things.

when steve finally puts it all together and realizes who eddie is, he panics. he swore he would never date another rockstar, and here he is dating one of the biggest rockstars of the time. in his panic, he disappears. completely off the grid. no one knows where he went except his best friend robin, because she was with him. eddie freaks out because he thinks he's done something wrong. he scared steve off. he ruined everything, just like he always does.

plot happens and somehow (maybe this is where buckingham really comes into play i don't know) everything works out and steve realizes that eddie is just another rockstar. he's eddie, and steve loves him. the end.

i don't know, it's just a random little worm that wiggled its way into my brain when i was listening to the song the other day. it may be nothing who knows 🤷‍♀️

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

Dearly Beloved 🔞 Final.

In which you've got a crush on your coworker- and a stalker problem.

Tags/Warnings: I do not condone any of Jungkooks questionable actions, this is fiction, soft Yandere!Jungkook, stalking, criminal actions (trespassing, stealing), obsession, he's really not quite right in the head, mc is kind of stupid for not involving police but wbk

Additional Chapter Warnings: insert 'oh no' tiktok meme here.

Length: long?

There is no taglist for this fic.

-> Masterlist

•━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━•

He's gonna do it. He has to. What if he misses his chance? You already love him.

You just don't know it yet.

But the entire day at the office, someone steals your attention away. There's always someone standing at your desk, asking pointless things, chasing you around like a slave for things that could've been a fucking e-mail. Why do you need to go and copy something for Yaerin when she's got to working legs?

Maybe if she didn't wear those high heels she constantly trips in she would be able to do her job correctly. Or maybe she's simply a viper, trying to work you down until you burn out, unable to offer this place anymore of your energy. She's done it before. She'll do it again.

People like her disgust him. She's rotten to the core, especially considering how she constantly soils the office seats in the meeting room with her disgusting perfume every time she fucks another one of the higher ups in there. He knows it's happening, has walked in on her and a CEO once- and while he told her that her secret was safe with him, he really only did it to have something up his sleeve if he ever needed her for something.

Does that make him just as rotten as her? Maybe. But all is fair in love and war.

He can't help but fidget at this point, watching how you clearly try and stay nice to a coworker currently attempting to convince you to go drinking with everyone after this shift. You don't like karaoke, you don't even drink in social settings because it makes you anxious- Jungkook knows these things.

He would never ask something of you that you're not comfortable with- he'd take you out for your favorite fast food instead to eat it in the car while listening to crappy pop-songs on the radio. That's what you love.

You've mentioned it before. And he never forgets those things.

Who's that man to you anyways? He can sense the tenseness in your muscles as the guy leans on your table, clearly taking up space and showing that he's not going to leave anytime soon- and Jungkook feels his anger grow inside his chest. You don't like this guy. He needs to get him away from you.

"Uh- Steven, right?" Jungkook meekly asks, the man's face snapping to him with an annoyed smile.

"Yeah. What's up kook?" He jokes as if they're best buddies.

They're not. Jungkook couldn't care less if the guy died in a ditch.

"I think Yaerin wanted to talk to you about something being wrong with the calculations for last month?" Jungkook stammers, needing to uphold his image. And also, he can't help it- his emotions make him quiver a bit, muscles unable to stay still as he rubs his hands. "She said it's urgent." He presses.

That's actually only half a lie. It's not urgent- but that whore did want to talk to him about something. There probably won't be much talking involved except maybe a command to take his dick further down her throat- but Jungkook doesn't care what they do. The only thing he does care about is that he fucking leaves.

Which he does, finally, making Jungkook take in a deep breath as he watches the man walk off.

"Thank you so much." You say behind him, and when Jungkook turns around to look at you, you're gazing at him with such warm eyes he feels his trembling body levitate on nothing but thin air. Everything's alright again- if he could look at you like this for the next years of his life, he'd thank every god in existence for it. "I have.. a hard time telling people no." You sigh, running your hands over your face.

"That's.. that's fine." Jungkook nods, a little awkwardly, smiling back. "I'm not that.. good at it either." He chuckles, and you laugh along, already feeling a lot better.

"Do you.. uhm.." You look at your keyboard for a second before you lick your lips- is that new lipgloss you wear? Or did you eat something that stained them? Jungkook isn't sure, but he wants a taste. "Do you wanna.. grab a drink or two after work with me?" You wonder, rushing the sentence out, and Jungkook's lips part a little, eyes round and open as they stare you down with their boba-pearl charm.

"Uh- yes! Yes, sure!" He nods, closing his mouth, before he pats his pants, looking for his phone. "W-wait, I'll uh- I'll give you my number!" He rushes out, writing it down with trembling hands on a sticky note, before offering it to you, who smiles shyly.

"Alright!" You nod. "I'll.. see you tonight then?" You ask, and Jungkook nods, entire body set aflame.

"Tonight."

•━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━•

He fucked up.

He fucked up.

He fucked up.

He's pacing in front of your door because you surely know. You had to have found out- there's no way you didn't. The moment you texted him, he knew you knew-

because he gave you the wrong number. In his panic, he gave you a number you already have.

Is the police on its way? Did you call the cops? Or another friend maybe to beat the shit out of him? You must be terrified, creeped out to no ends, and he can't blame you. What the hell did he even do? This isn't right.

"Jungkook?" You ask, ripping him out of whatever panicked episode he was going through, wild eyes staring at you who's looking at him with an unreadable expression.

It's quiet as you stare each other down, tension able to be cut with a knife for a good while, before you speak.

"You could've.. just said something." You mumble, and Jungkook isn't sure what you mean. There's a variety of things and situations this sentence could apply to- and he doesn't want to out himself if he's not caught yet. If there's just a simple chance of getting away with it, he will take it. "Do you... like me this much?" You ask, and he's swallowing thickly now.

You clearly want an answer, but he doesn't know in what context. What is he supposed to say.

"I mean, I knew something was off when.." you explain, playing with the strings of your hoodie as you fumble with your words. "When.. I wasn't scared." You admit.

"Because it was you all along."

His entire body grows cold, veins freezing over as he gets his confirmation. You know. You know, and you're probably going to tell him next that you've already asked for a restraining order-

Wait. What do you mean by you weren't scared?

"Do you want to.. come in with permission this time?" You ask, trying to lighten the mood, but he's confused. This isn't the reaction he thought he'd get.

"I-" he starts, stammers. "I'm sorry." He presses out. "I don't.. I just-" he fails to find appropriate words because he really doesn't know why he's like this. He knows it's a problem, he knows he's sick- it's obvious, that little sane part of him is aware of the pure wrongness of his actions up until now.

"I know." You say, nodding, before you step aside to let him inside.

"I can't." Jungkook denies. "I can't- I shouldn't, I'm not- don't let me in, don't ever let me in-" he worries, unsure what's wrong with him now. Is this what realization feels like?

If that's the case, he wants to go back to insanity, because this is torturous.

"Its fine." You reassure. "You're.. I'd really hate to see you leave right now." You deny, offering compassion. "You're not well right now." You say, and he agrees.

But he's never been well ever since he met you almost a year ago.

He'll never be well.

"You're too.. you shouldn't. I might hurt you." He explains in a hurry.

"You won't." You deny. You're not sure why you're so convinced about it- maybe because he's had the chance to hurt you so many times and didn't. Or maybe because you're so lonely that you'll take this love no matter how tainted it is.

"Please come inside." You ask once more.

And slowly, with great hesitance, does he enter your home, painfully wringing his hands as if to keep himself occupied.

"When my mom had a brain stroke, years ago, she changed a lot." You explain, walking in to fill up two glasses of water before you set them on the coffee table in the living room area, sitting down on the couch right after- inviting him.

He takes the invitation. His eyes sting with unshed tears.

"She suddenly hated me. Hated almost everyone." You remember. "The doctors said that it can happen. That if we.. injure just a tiny little specific part of our brains, our whole personality changes." You retell, and Jungkook listens, unsure where to look now.

He's been here before, but he's never seen the apartment with the lights on.

"But we still got along until she passed." You nod. "She went to therapy, and reconnected with me and her old friends." You say.

"I'm.. I think I know what you're suggesting-" he says, before he puts his face in his hands. "But I don't want to." He denies.

"Why not?" You worry with a soft tone. "Jungkook, you're not a bad person. You just need help." You offer.

"But what if my love for you is just mental illness?!" He yells out, panicked, eyes now leaking tears. "I don't want them to kill that. I want to stay- I want to stay sick if it means that I still love you.." he weeps, looking at you with desperation.

"Then we'll rebuild it." You shrug easily. "I'll make you love me again." You say, and Jungkook breaks.

"C-can I touch you?" He whimpers from the other side of the couch. "Just a bit?" He wonders, and you nod, opening your arms.

Welcoming him, because he's not a threat or a danger or a monster.

He's just a little sick.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)

I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.

I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.

(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)

In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.

Battle (let’s go)

For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.

And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.

(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)

To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.

Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️

(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)

If one thing had been different

Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?

(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)

(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)

There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.

(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)

To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)

(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)

Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.

Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)

Death by a thousand cuts

She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.

(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)

Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.

(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)

In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.

Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.

Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)

From the same little breaks in your soul

I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.

Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)

This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️

[alexanderwales]

Concert Review: Weezer's Blue Planet Tour

I'm not a music guy. I blame my dad for that: he was an orchestra conductor and music professor, and obviously I needed to set myself in opposition to him by not listening to music or learning to play an instrument despite the prodding of my parents.

There were only a few exceptions to my general abstention from music when I was growing up, and one of those exceptions was Weezer's Blue Album. So I still would not consider myself a music guy, but I did go to this concert, since it's one of my favorite albums of all time. Top five, definitely. It's only the second concert I've ever been to, unless you count classical music, in which case it's the 213th (number not exact).

The first opening act was Dinosaur Jr., who I had not even heard of until the day of. I had no idea what their music was going to be like, and decided that maybe I would become a fan after hearing them live.

Look, I don't normally like to talk bad about things that I can tell aren't for me.

Dinosaur Jr. made me question whether I had ever actually enjoyed music. The guitar sections sounded like a cat yowling, in a bad way. I was far enough away that I began to wonder whether they were playing an angry cat rather than a guitar. I hated every song they played, and one of us misunderstood some of the fundamentals of what makes a good song — which I will freely admit might be me. I thought that maybe live concerts were just like that, and I had made a horrible mistake. I feel obligated to go seek out some of their very best songs and listen to what they sound like professionally recorded outside of the arena, for the sake of fairness, but I actually just want to never hear anything from them again. I wondered whether warm-up acts were like the first pancake, a sacrifice necessary for what follows to be good. I might say "not for me" but what I feel in my heart is "I despised listening to this".

Then the Flaming Lips came on and made me realize that I do, in fact, like music. I'm not a huge fan of the Flaming Lips, but they do have a dozen songs I like, and I must have good taste, because all the songs they played were my favorites. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Do You Realize, the Yeah Yeah Yeah Song, She Don't Use Jelly ... it made me want to listen to more of their discography to see whether there's more there I've overlooked, even if I've listened to a lot of the Flaming Lips. And all the songs came with cool lighting that added to the experience, sweeping shafts of light that swept over us, timed to the music, and none of that seemed like it was all that difficult, but I did appreciate the vibe. There were also props, which I loved: when they played Yoshimi there were two giant inflatable pink robots that swayed back and forth to the music, and during the Yeah Yeah Yeah Song there were two inflatable eyeballs standing on either side of Wayne Coyne, who had inflatable lips. The dancing eyeballs turned from side to side, making it look like they were following the crowd, it was great. Wayne Coyne is great at all the showman stuff, though I think he asked me to make some noise one too many times. I obliged him, and howled like a wolf.

As much as I enjoyed the Flaming Lips, it was Weezer is was there for, specifically the promise that they would be playing the Blue Album from start to finish. This was their very first concert of this tour, so I didn't know what to expect, but they emerged from a spaceship that rose up into the ceiling, and had a charmingly dorky space theme going on, with visuals behind them showing the journey to the blue planet. They played mostly the hits, though a few songs from deeper in their catalog too, and I sang along to all of them. Pork and Beans, Beverly Hills, Island in the Sun, Pink Triangle ... there was a whole Pinkerton section, which I appreciated, because I'm fond of Pinkerton. There were a few references to this space theme they had going, and it was dorky, because Rivers Cuomo is a dork, but I liked it, because I too am a dork.

But when they started the Blue Album it was like the real concert had begun. The crowd got louder, there was more energy in the arena, and the Blue Album is one of those rare albums that's just all great songs, one after the other. The performances were very close to what was on the album, and I do wonder about that, because it's been thirty years since it's come out, and ... does Weezer feel beholden to it? Does it not feel suffocating to feel compelled to go with the choices you made when you were in your 20s? Do your tastes not drift? But of course the fans want what they remember, and though the music is live, the band is playing music that's long since crystalized. Whatever my thoughts on the thirty year gap of time, the Blue Album is still just full of songs I love and deeply relate to.

My one problem with the Blue Album has always been Only in Dreams, which is eight minutes long, and that's just too long. It feels eight minutes long. By contrast, Bohemian Rhapsody is six minutes long, and really earns that six minutes. Here though, as the final song of the concert, I thought it worked. The extended song felt like it's supposed to feel, like the album doesn't want to end, and by extension, like the concert doesn't want to end.

The big takeaway for me is that I should go to more concerts. There's something hard to put into words about what it feels like to sing along to a song with ten thousand other people, what it feels like to have the bass thumping through your body and have the full sensory experience of the light show in a dark room.

The small takeaway is that I really hate Dinosaur Jr.

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

My thoughts on The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie

I don’t know if I liked it as much as the original films (maybe Mockingjay 1 & 2 as they are pretty emotionally draining), but I still enjoyed it.

I think where it fell a little flat for me is 1. The beginning was a bit slow (tbh I only really started getting interested when Lucy Gray stuck that snake down that girl’s dress & even then I enjoyed the story more when the setting changed from the Capitol to the district) 2. I knew Snow would survive 3. I’d already been spoiled online for a lot of stuff that happens & 4. while I know the director did his best to make Snow as “likeable” as he could for as long as possible, even before he started getting “a little too comfortable” with killing & snitching I didn’t find him as sympathetic as Katniss or Peeta (but that is probably again down to the fact that I know what he goes onto do & there’s no real way around that), this made engaging with him difficult for me.

The world is fascinating. Getting to see all the new locations we never had access to before as well as old locations now in a totally different light (for example district 12 which, while still clearly suffering, seemed like such a bustling industrial town compared to how it is in Katniss’s time). It might have a much more retro aesthetic but there's also just a more vibrant, natural, wild & lawless atmosphere to this movie compared to the others in the franchise. The whole scope of the film just felt more cinematic then I remember the others being yet also weirdly intimate. Maybe because it was one contained story & we knew the main character’s fate from the start. I also loved the title cards signifying the start of each section of the story like from the books & wished they'd done something similar for the other films. It just added a certain flair to the whole thing. Almost gave it the vibe of a tragic play.

The costuming was great. The bright red of the academy uniforms.  Flickerman’s snazzy suits. Snow’s dapper black & white outfit. Both peace keeper uniforms (despite one of them giving very ‘1930’s Germany’ vibes) looked great. Grandma might have been a bigot, but at least she was well dressed. Everything Dr Gaul wore (except the top that looked like a used tampon, lol) was exquisite. The main ladies of fashion, Tigris & Lucy Gray slayed. Our Future Capitol stylist looked like some regal yet exotic bird & Miss Survivor was giving Bohemian, country girl realness the entire time she was on screen. Even the extras were serving (like that random couple Snow walked past on his way to the reaping ceremony).

The music was amazing. Every song that played was fantastic (shout out to Olivia for her end credit contribution). The lyrics & instrumentation were beautiful & my god does Rachel Zegler have pipes! Anyone who says the singing scenes are cringy is just stupid like I’m sorry you can’t appreciate art. Also, the words ‘ballad’ & ‘songbirds’ are literally in the title. Plus, Lucy Gray is from the poorest district, so what exactly do those people want her to do in her free time? She can’t exactly hop on an X-box for a few hours. Not too mention that (as the offspring of someone who’s musically inclined) I can tell you, it’s completely realistic for a musician to use their craft to help them deal with trauma & Lucy Gray clearly had more than her fair share of that.

The Grandma'am helped to paint a sadly very realistic background for Snow. As who among us hasn’t met at least one delusional old person who thinks that their/their group’s suffering (regardless of the severity of it or the reason behind their former/newer status in society) means that no one else are deserving of even the tiniest shred of humanity & there are some people who are unlucky enough to not only be related to these people but be raised by them.

Hunter schafer as Tigris is clearly the superior Snow when it comes to things like empathy & overall mental stability but I do kind of wish they’d been more for her to do. Credit where credit is due though her & Tom did actually look like they could be related & I did buy their familial bond (which makes her appearance in Mockingjay so much sadder in hindsight).

Peter Dinklage as Casca Highbottom was a bit of a mix for me just due to his purpose as a character & the limit of film as a form of media. Like sure the audience know that Snow’s going to become an irredeemable monster in the end but without a window into his mind it really does just seem like the Dean is just out to get him & even when we find out why it seems kind of unfair. Like sure his dad sucked but haven’t the Games shown that blaming children for violence caused by others is unjust (& like ok he hates Coriolanus & probably the grandma but Tigris hadn’t done anything to deserve living in poverty, as she can’t control who she’s related to)? Plus, it felt like he could have at least tried taking Snow under his wing at some point to try to hinder Dr Gual’s influence. Saying all of that, though, Peter Dinklage is great at playing an addict with depression & the idea that some drunken rambling could lead to such long-lasting suffering is terrifying. Also its pretty realistic that living with that kind of guilt & in such a cruel environment for that long would make most people jaded & bitter, even if they did have good intentions.

Omg we finally get a Mayor family on screen & they’re assholes! Madge would be so disappointed 😭. It was interesting to see how harsh & overall “boot licky” the mayor & his family seemed compared to decades later, which makes sense as the war wasn’t that long ago for them so the dad probably felt more incentive to align himself with the Capitol as well as not feeling very connected to the district people as 12’s decline probably didn’t fully set in until they really started running low on coal & Snow became president (oh I just know he wanted to blow that district off the map 😆). I also wouldn’t put it past Billy to come up with some sob story of how he really does love Mayfair but wicked Lucy Gray is somehow preventing them from being together. Still no excuse to try to send her to her death twice in one week, though. Definitely not a girl’s girl.

Ok, so a liar. Cheat. Drunk & someone who hits women. Is there anything good about Billy Taupe? Also, trying to get your ex back, while your current girlfriend is literally standing right next to you? Dude, have some god damn back bone! You made a choice, now stick to it. Also, fumbling Lucy Gray, for a girl like that? What’s it like having no brains or taste? Well, too bad, coz you’re stuck with her forever now, lol.

Viola Davies, the actress that you are. What else is there to say? Dr Gaul is almost comic book levels of insane. Like she is how the Right see women in STEM, on crack! I don’t know what she did to get into character, but whatever it was, it worked.

Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman is a very interesting addition to the story despite playing such a small & seemingly insignificant role. He is strange in how unthreatening he is while also extremely blasé about the abhorrent violence he witnesses that it’s as funny as it is disturbing. Making him come across as  more human yet harsher than his son, who at least pretends to care about the tributes (in a very Capitol way, obviously but still). There’s also a polish & confidence to Tucci’s performance that I think Schwartzman did a great job of avoiding copying (despite knowing what audiences were probably expecting) because not only are their characters in entirely different stages of their careers but the whole ethos of the Hunger Games is different in Snow’s youth than it is in Katniss’s. Caesar is a well established presenter & during his time, the games have always been a success (minus the year with the tundra) that the entire Capitol is invested in & seemingly in support of. On the other hand Lucretius had the unique task of not only coming into a job like this with zero experience (I mean imagine going from announcing the weather to presenting the fucking hunger games) but also there were no vibes to try to emulate let alone guidelines to follow because he truly was the first person to do this. On top of that, the "event" his presenting has been panned for years as both boring & unethical. Schwartzman brought a slightly awkward, experimental, yet try hard vibe (like a comedian who's desperate to get a laugh) that I think worked wonderfully for the character.

Tom Blyth's performance was great & he was visually perfect for a young Snow (the power of a good wig! Who knew lol). Even having the cool, analytical stare of Donald Sutherland, down pat. While his appearance was very Eminem during his peacekeeping days, his realisation in the cabin and subsequent breakdown in the woods were crazy. There was so much tension between him & Rachel in that scene that for a second, it literally felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I could almost hear the record scratch for both of them, & all that building paranoia finally coming to a sudden crescendo in the way that it did? Pure cinema!

Josh Rivera, as Sejanus, was honestly a mix for me. Obviously, I agree with his morals, but his way of going about it did seem a little dumb. However I do think it’s pretty realistic that a teenager, especially a rich one, would be rather naive. Also I’ve heard that he’s smarter in the book & I think at times my frustration with him is more just down to the fact that I’m seeing him from Snow’s point of view. Meaning scenes that would be portrayed as noble in any other film instead come across as almost painfully inconvenient because the focus is always on how they affect Snow rather than the actual victims of the situation. Lastly, sorry, Snowjanus shippers, I just don’t see it (especially on Snow’s end), but whatever floats your boat.

Rachel Zegler played Lucy Gray with the perfect mix of natural charm & emotional vulnerability with clear pride in her culture & a refusal to let the world around her change who she is. Yet there was also an air of mystery & a subtle resilience to her that makes her potentially surviving out in the woods for years without being detected actually believable (though I don’t buy the theory that she went on to become president Coin). Definitely the highlight of the movie for me.

PS. I'd love to know what you think of my review in the comments/tags & am open to criticism (as long as it's respectful) just remember that I'm only talking about the movie so please don't reference anything spersific to the book.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day One

So I know this has probably been overdone by lots of people on lots of years but I haven't done it yet and I want to so here goes: I'm going to rewatch get back with the days matched up and catalogue my thoughts as I watch.

We don't get to see George and John saying hi to each other, but I'm struck by how careful they are with Ringo when he comes in. "Hi Ringo, happy new year." From both of them, with full eye contact soft, sweet voices. I wonder if they're really wanting to be so gentle with him after what happened at the end of August. Not like walking on eggshells at all, but just very "we're working on doing better because we care about you."

While Paul's not there, John is giving George full attention, leaning in to him, facing him while they sing, and George seems to really love it

But then Paul shows up and you can tell before we even see him that he's arrived, because suddenly John's gaze is gone from George. His eyebrows shoot up, he chin-tilts, and (this sounds insane I know but it's what I just watched) his singing drastically improves. He's putting effort in, performing.

Paul sits down and the shy little grins and glances and inside jokes (at George's expense and hypocritical of John) ensue immediately.

Ringo's jacket. The black with the maroon velvet collar. It's very cool and it's very unique to him. I don't see the other three pulling it off the way he does. He just has effortless swagger. If the other three wore something like that they'd look like try-hards.

George's sassy little hair flip. "oh, you're recording our conversation?"

Meanwhile John and Paul are back at it like magnets I swear. Turned in to each other, talking gibberish, and strumming

George with the deadpan sass again. "Maybe we should just learn a few songs first." Lol he's so stone cold.

"Oh please believe me." "Yes I will." Come on. Do you ever stop? And then the silent communication when they screwed up. We don't see Paul's face but John makes such a cute "oops sorry" face and they keep going.

Paul's literally so bossy. I find it such a turn on, really, watching it. Just because it's him being a genius who has a vision and sucks at social skills. But if I were in that band and he wasn't letting me hit I'd literally hate him.

John's so delighted with Paul's "everybody's got a hard on... Except for me and my monkey." Because that's one of the ways he often expresses his love for Paul and Paul's giving it back to him here. So John's just "Oh he made a joke about my song. He's teasing me. He does like me."

Paul literally diggs John's part of IGAF so fucking hard though. Like as soon as John's singing, Paul can not be still. Can not. He just thinks John's so so clever (and to be fair he is)

Crazy eye fucking continues

Then Paul's off to talk big boy plans with the daddies for a minute. (would love to know who he waved at then sucked his finger) "Is this your place, Twickenham?" Okay. Feeling out a potential daddy's pockets. I see you.

Obsessed with Yoko's emerald bag and how she got her little boyfriend to wear the exact color of Henley. Ken was literally made to be Barbies accessory and he's doing such a great job matching her purse. She's so pretty and cool.

It cracks me up how extremely nonchalant Ringo is about Magic Christian. (I LOVE that movie. Ringo is so hot in it and it's anti-capitalist so it's a winner). Dennis O'Dell is all "the scripts are marvelous." And Ringo's just "yeah you told me." And then Dennis is like "I'll take up up and show you around these really great sets." Ringo: "yeah okay." It's almost like the other three have no chill so he has to have only chill to balance it out.

They really are so blunt with each other when they don't like something. "I don't dig that." "Scrap that." Which is good. If only they could've been blunt when they did like things too though. And I guess they were sometimes. Like John telling Paul to keep that lyric in Hey Jude. But I don't think they were half as open with their positive feelings about each other's work as they were the other way around and that's so sad to me.

Why does George single Paul out about the sandwiches? It's cute. I love it. But what is it? Is he particularly worried about Paul and food because Paul's picky? Is it just their relationship that they take care of each other in these simple ways because they can't take care of each other emotionally?

Fucking hell why does Paul literally flirt with everyone all the time? "No separation in there." "Rain or snow will do me." "Yeah, you're pretty right, Michael."

Pretty sure John was looking at the lyrics of TOU off that sheet that said "Another Quarrymen Original" at the bottom. I wonder what he thought of that. I wonder if it was there to signal him, and if so what was it signalling? "Hey this is about you."??

"Two of us Henry Cooper." Referencing a boxer in a song about him and John. Why? Because they're fighting?

[hils79]

Hils Watches Lovely Runner - Ep 10

I was laughing but actually the terminator franchise probably is the easiest way to explain the whole time travel thing

I mean that's a very good question

Im Sol: I'm sad Sunjae is going to the US to try and fix his shoulder and get over me but at least this way he won't cross paths with the serial killer who tried to murder him Destiny: Oh, you sweet summer child

Aww he thinks she's sending him away because she doesn't return his feelings. Look at his sad little puppy face.

That definitely wasn't me hiding under your table so of course I didn't see you kiss some other girl

Remember the first time I realised this was Jongho singing and I was so excited? Now whenever it starts I'm just 'NO NOT THE SAD JONGHO SONG I'M ALREADY SAD ENOUGH'

I know we as the audience know that she's lying whenever she tells Sunjae that she doesn't like him but from his perspective how many times does he need to hear it before he gives up? Like come on have some sense of self-preservation

He's so dramatic I love him so much. Shaved his head, got on his knees and cried while begging Sunjae to audition with his band

Oh, I think this is just how he imagines the scenario going

LMAO Sunjae agreed before Inhyuk got to make his big dramatic speech, and he cut all his hair off for nothing 😂

It was only at this point that I realised that this is probably Sunjae imagining their conversation. Everyone is being so dramatic this episode I love it

Ooh is he starting to believe her time travel story

When your ex-boyfriend and your future boyfriend both step in to help with the burst pipes in your house

Of course they're getting into a holding a bowl of water pissing contest. Im Sol isn't even paying attention to either of them.

Mom likes Taesung but Grandma is on team Sunjae

Now kiss? Love that they've abandoned catching water in bowls and are just snarking at each other while they and the floor get wet

Well that took a turn for the dramatic. From amusing scrapping to Taesung nearly getting electrocuted

Aww are they friends now one of them nearly died?

Ehehe! Yes he can

I mean you might?

Im Sol to Sunjae (lying): I don't like you just leave me alone Sunjae: Yeah, I guess she hates me but I still love her Literally everyone else: ARE YOU STUPID, SUNJAE? We can all see that she loves you!

His dad is going to lose his mind after he paid for Sunjae to train abroad and he turned it down (which fair enough he was injured) and how he's paid for Sunjae to go to the US for rehab and I think he's going to turn that down too...

Oh I guess he actually is going. Except not because Im Sol overheard and I bet she's going to go and say goodbye and he'll end up staying

Aww she didn't go to say goodbye she just wanted to watch to make sure he went and would be safe

Why the hell were the police not watching her house when they know a murderer is on the loose and that she's the one who told them about him

Aww I knew he wasn't actually going to leave

I'm not sure you do but okay

Ahhh! He went to pick up the time capsule! Spoilers!

Okay, maybe he does actually know it all

I was like 'ah, cool, he doesn't die in the future now' but THEN I noticed that Eclipse only has three members now. So I guess by ditching the audition Sunjae doesn't become an idol.

[lilyrizzy]

For the prompt thingy - daniel taking care of max when he was sick in jeddah please? 🤲

I know this is a prompt thingy from ages ago, but I hope you like it anyway anon!

Cw: descriptions of throwing up

There’s a horrible retching noise coming through the bathroom door, followed by the telltale sound of liquid hitting liquid. Daniel rattles the knob again, already having found it locked the first time he tried.

“Maxy,” he calls again, voice a sing-song, “Maxy, open the door.”

For a moment, Daniel thinks Max is ignoring him, then-

More sounds of him violently throwing up.

“I think I am dying, Daniel,” he eventually manages to catch, a muffled whimper, “and I cannot of course take you down with me.”

There is something echoey in Max’s voice, probably because it’s bouncing off the ceramic of the toilet that his head is currently stuck in. Resting his forehead against the door, Daniel can’t help but smile at his flare for the dramatic, though maybe that isn’t totally fair. He probably does feel like he’s dying.

“Life isn’t worth living without you, baby,” he answers, a joke, but- Well. “Don’t you want me to rub your back, or, uh-“ He tries to remember what his mum would do for him the days he’d stay home from school, wagging or not, “-put a cold flannel on your forehead?”

Really, that could go either way. Max is picky with when he wants to be touched and when he wants to be left alone, and Daniel is mostly good these days at reading that. Cuddles after sex are a must, but to sleep? No way. Some things though, he’s still learning.

There’s no answer, and with Max sometimes that is the answer, so Daniel is getting ready to walk away, go back to the UFC match they were watching before Max bolted from the sofa back to the toilet, and add does not like to be held when sick to the growing list of ways he knows Max like nobody else, except-

The lock snicks, and when Daniel tries the door again it opens.

Max is already retreating to his position, praying to the porcelain god, by the time Daniel gets through the door. The room smells disgusting, but Daniel doesn’t dare say that in case it gets him stuck on the other side again, helpless. He can’t do much in here either, but if Max let him in it’s because he wants him.

It’s only seconds before Max is gagging again, not throwing up exactly but giving it a bloody good go.

“Oh sweetheart," Daniel says, and the sudden rush of tenderness both surprises him and has him crouching down beside Max, hand moving in circles over his shoulder blades like promised.

His offers of support hadn’t exactly been disingenuous, but Daniel hasn’t exactly won any medals for boyfriend of the year before, so it’s a shock how quickly the actions change from feeling like an obligation, to those born from the need to see Max better, to see him smile.

Which is maybe a little much to ask for. Instead, Max coughs, then spits, then groans miserably. Standing again, Daniel fills up the glass he usually uses for mouthwash with cold water and offers it to him, but Max pitifully shakes his head.

“It will only come back up again, I think,” he grimaces, and yeah. He’s probably right. “I think this is your fault.”

“My fault?” Daniel questions with a laugh, a little affronted. Squeezing Max’s shoulder he adds, “I’m not that desperate for your seat, mate.”

It gets him that smile he was after from Max, which feels like a small victory.

“You made me eat that spicy chicken,” he insists, resting his forehead against their toilet seat. “From the Indian restaurant last week. I told you it makes my tummy bad.”

Tummy. Something that feels a lot like love twists itself around Daniel’s heart.

“I don’t think some chicken you ate over a week ago is making you sick, babe,” Daniel can’t help but point out, even though Max is right, he did make him try some of his Chicken Jalfrezi. “Maybe it was the pizza.”

Later, after, naked in bed, Daniel went for his classic while Max insisted on one with all kinds of weird and wonderful deli meats slapped on top, so it’s not exactly rocket science.

Daniel is one hundred percent sure it’s the pizza.

An impulse order last night after getting a little too wine drunk and giggly in the apartment together, a rare evening of quiet fun between Max’s hectic race schedule. Daniel promising that Max would like the next glass of red just so he could watch the alcohol stain his lips darker and darker, to kiss the taste of it out of his mouth.

Max is shaking his head though, his hair especially blonde in the almost fluorescent light of the bathroom. His eyes are shut.

“Pizza would not betray me like this, I think.”

This time, Daniel doesn’t argue, just leans to press a kiss to the sweaty back of Max’s neck. Max makes a soft humming noise, not exactly happy but- Almost.

“Sorry I am so gross,” he croaks out after a few beats more of silence, and he is but he’s also Daniel’s to take care of.

“Hey,” he tries, rubbing the shell of Max’s ear now, “I’m the one who was about the bust down the door to get in.” Then because it doesn’t feel quite enough, he adds, “gross or not gross, sickness and in health, baby.”

Max laughs, eyes still closed. There’s too much stubble on his jaw, too much breadth to his shoulders for Daniel to think he looks anything like he did in the Red Bull briefings, eighteen with his head on the table like he was sleeping, and yet his mind pulls him back to that Max anyway.

How far he’s come, how far they both have.

“That is for if you are married,” Max says, as though he is reminding Daniel. Like he thinks maybe Daniel is a little crazy for bringing it up, and maybe he is, but it doesn’t feel like that.

When you know, you know, his mum had always told him and for almost two decades of dating he would roll his eyes at her and bite down how not everyone could have the perfect love story she and his dad did. These days, he thinks she’s onto something.

“Yeah Maxy, you’re right,” he says, instead of the words he wants to. Let’s fucking do it then. Nobody wants to get proposed two between rounds of vomit after only eight months.

[bloodyshadow1]

somethings that could have made the Apology Tour better in my opinion under the cut. I liked the episode, but I thought some things were clunky or underused. The point was good, but somethings bogged it down to me and some changes might have helped.

get rid of Dennis at the party, I think him being there undermines the whole purpose of the party. The people there are supposed to be Blitz's exes who are hurt by the way he treated them, Dennis was a rando he made out with at a party not someone he hurt. Blitz was an asshole to him sure, but he doesn't qualify as someone Blitz hurt really.

More blood moon than Apology Tour, but instead of having Stolas leave before/in the middle of Blitz' apology, have Blitz start to apologize but quickly turn it around or stop because he couldn't. This episode frames how Blitz never gave a real apology, Stolas even says that, but then he leaves in the middle of Blitz trying to give one, which isn't fair. If that was the point against Stolas than I would understand but it feels weird when the episode doesn't seem to be making that point and agrees with him. Blitz starting to apologize and being unable to being the final straw for Stolas to leave would be a better set up for the episode than him leaving while Blitz is trying to say he's sorry. I don't think the apology would have saved their relationship, but it would have framed Apology Tour better.

Make it more balanced on who is at fault because Blitz and Stolas are both at fault. I think Blitz is more to blame, like 65% to Stolas' 35% but both are to blame for their relationship (or lack thereof) falling apart. I'm mostly fine with it since Blitz is the main character, the show is going to deal wiht his issues first. I think/hope Stolas will have an episode in the future where he is forced to confront the fact that he was also unfair to Blitz. For whatever he says now, he did look down on Blitz and disrespect him, playfully perhaps but he didn't treat him like an equal, but like a plaything. He would have known about the assassin if he paid attention to his wife talking to him at the dinner table, Blitz might have come if Stolas sounded serious on the phone instead of lackadaisical. He is to blame for their relationship being what it is too and the show should acknowledge that.

give the exes names and maybe even explain how blitz hurt them. I can understand the points the episode was trying to make, but by only having the people we already know and Dennis being the ones with names and the ones we know the story of, it kind of hurts the premise. Having one or two of the exes have a song about how shitty Blitz was to them when they thought they were together and Verosika naming them when they did would help to make the exes feel more like characters than concept art. Because I like the imp ex dressed up like Beetlejuice or the two women Exes who are more into each other than hating Blitz, but they're just background characters not actual characters. Adding names to even a few of them would make them feel more than just numbers that Blitz slept with and hurt.

Blitz throughout the series is fine with having sex and flirting with anyone he finds attractive. I could see him hurting a lot of people for a number of reasons, especially the ones he actually liked because he got scared and sabotages the relationship. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I believe he was in a relationship with these people enough to hurt all of them. some of them sure, but I don't know I get that Blitz is desperate for love, but I don't know all these people should be considered exes. I think it would have been interesting if there were some who were one night stands or quick fucks who dont' like the guy but come for the party and those who are genuinely hurt from something Blitz did.

I would take out the second blitz/Stolas conversation. I don't think it really added anything except pain to the story, which is understandable, but we already know the characters are hurt. Instead I would have Verosika in Blitz's position, letting Stolas have someone in his corner to talk to. I love Verosika this episode, not just because I'm a dumb lesbian, but because she feels like Fitz in the ep we see him after Ozzie's, more of a character than someone who hates Blitz. I think she was underutilized and would have been sweet for her to be the one to get Stolas to open up, drunk or not. I think she would have better in writing and for Stolas for him to have someone to talk to not at, like he did to Blitz in the episode. I think her shooting down his desire to be loved like in a romcom would be better for him to hear than Blitz. Blitz could even be eavesdropping on them and being hurt by what he hears. I think if Verosika gave Stolas good advice that wasn't just drink or fuck yourself numb, but encourage him to have fun and explore something that he likes, even if it's just dancing with the handsome incubus that he dances and kisses later.

I dont' know, probably just bullshit, but I wanted to get this out because I did enjoy the episode, but the tag is full of people either hating it or loving it and my mind doesn't work like that. I like a lot of things, but I don't think there's anything perfect, I just know how it would have made the episode better for me personally. I'll also admit I'm not super into the Blitzo/Stolas ship, I get it but I think it's better for them to spend some time apart presonally so others might disagree.

[scoobydoodean]

You know what just really frost my cookies with the whole "Dean doesn't care as much about Cas" discourse??? That post you reblogged about how strong their relationship was in s4/s5 got me thinking about this, but like they had two seasons of such intense relationship building and camaraderie, that Dean was literally fighting Bobby and Sam (his two most important people!!!) over not trusting Cas in s6, and it was DEAN who tried to keep a relationship with Cas s6 - s8, like that man tried everything to keep their relationship going - and that's not to blame Cas, he had his own shit going on (well except for s6, I do blame him for that lol his position is understandable, but it was still his fault), but Dean tried and it still just never worked.

Maybe this is just me, but I've always kind of viewed their relationship in the later seasons as, Dean worked hard to keep them going for so long that eventually it kind of just...hit him that maybe Cas didn't want that? So he stopped trying quite as hard, he remembered the times Cas left, and he interpreted them as rejections, which is in part why the Divorce Arc happened - it was a culmination of many many MANY things, not just the "obvious". That's just my interpretation though, and obviously others have and can interpret it differently.

In summary I see it as, early seasons Dean chasing and pining after Cas, eventually feels rejected and betrayed, later seasons Cas chasing and pining after Dean

Though to be fair and admit to my biases, I was watching s6-s8 in real time on TV, and then I drifted away mid s9 and didn't go back and watch the rest of the seasons until recently, so my strongest impressions of Destiel are of those earlier seasons, so I tend to view it in a different light I think than people who started watching later (or more specifically after Nov 5th and/or for Cas - not that anything is wrong w watching for those reasons lol)

Yeah I think it is very very silly to think that Dean doesn’t care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him. Like wildly so.

I think this line of thinking comes mainly from focusing too much on one character's POV. I think Dean came off a few times in season 6 like he saw his relationship with Cas as transactional—even though that isn’t imo how he actually felt about Cas (just like we can analyze Cas as thinking of his relationship with the Winchesters as very transactional but he does care about them despite how it appears). I think Dean was just kind of hurt because Cas had ghosted him for so long and he thought they were friends and they'd built this bond? So in season 6, he was reacting to what he thought were the boundaries Cas himself set—boundaries that suggested Cas—the guy controlling the means of communication—did not want a friendship with him. Cas ditched Dean in the car at the end of Swan Song and then just invisibly watched Dean rake leaves. Dean was right there. Dean could only pray to Cas. Cas wouldn’t respond. In season 6, without giving Dean a say—while watching Dean rake leaves and considering whether to ask for his help—Cas decided (again--unilaterally) he wouldn't involve Dean, and I do think that decision was out of love, and also probably because... well—he probably thought "what can Dean actually... do?" But ultimately, he wanted a person he cared about who had been through a lot to just be able to rest—that's what he says. Not including Dean (and Sam) continued after Dean came back to hunting as well, because 1) Cas was still thinking about protecting Dean 2) He didn't think Dean could do anything to help (which I think is... probably pretty reasonable—he originally considered including Dean I think mainly for his tenacity) 3) the whole thing had ballooned and Cas was making deals he probably didn't even fully agree with himself—so he was ashamed to some extent, but also knew... he wasn't going to stop, and that Dean would ask him to stop.

Cas is... well—I'm going to say "more morally flexible"... and I don't think that's always a bad thing. This is a useful quality in the line of work TFW is in, honestly. He is more ruthless than Sam and Dean and he also knows that he is, and I think he actually likes to position himself as the ruthless one. He likes being the person who is willing to do what is necessary to get shit done and he's willing to sacrifice a part of himself to do it... because he can take it. He planned to kill Jesse behind the Winchester's backs to spare them the unpleasantness (and the same, later, with Kelly and Jack—when Sam and Dean were looking for a way to save both of them and Cas just went to go find Kelly and kill her). He broke Sam's wall and killed a very good friend—Balthazar—because his friends were standing in his way and he was focused on his ultimate purpose which was stopping another apocalypse. He mind tortured Donatello because it needed to be done. I think that Dean understands that Cas wants to position himself as the ruthless one, and I think Dean also understands that this isn't always a bad quality. I also think it's an obvious point of contention, because Dean is the least morally flexible in the group and is the most tenacious, which I think Cas, in turn, appreciates about Dean—but it is going to lead to clashes between them as best friends with one being tenacious about choosing the least morally crooked path when possible, and the other saying "Can we please just get on with it? I'll do it if you don't want to—I don't mind."

And that's... to some extent, what is happening in season 6... besides the lying and the hurt besties feelings and secrets and betrayals. The actual soul swallowing plan? It's Dean's tenacious insistence on following a more prudent path versus Cas's "Let's get the fuck on with it"... and there's fairness to both sides of that imo... which is why I'm annoyed with certain individuals trying to make this a "sides" thing. It isn't the actual plan as much as it's what he did around it that's the issue, and Dean isn't obligated to agree with him or to trust him after he lied so many goddamn times. Like. Dean's trust was not something to which Cas was entitled, point blank.

You're right—Dean didn’t think Cas would ever lie to him like that in season 6. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it. And I think fans do this thing actually where they hear Cas say in season 6 that he’s always trusted Dean and he always comes when Dean calls and they just buy into that and go “Yeah! That’s so true!” and build an entire analysis on that (and then post insufferable parallels between that and 4.21 thinking they are saying something about Dean's "trust issues" when they are... making a very different parallel lmao). What Cas is saying about always trusting Dean isn’t true—and what’s more, Cas knows it isn’t. He knows suggesting Dean doesn’t trust him enough isn’t fair. When he was spying on Sam and Dean and Bobby he made specific note of “Dean trying so hard to be loyal” and defending him fiercely. (In fact—was there anyone Dean trusted more at that point in his life—despite also clearly being hurt by Cas ghosting him? Bobby, maybe. That's about it.) When Cas came back and tried to retroactively claim entitlement to Dean’s trust, he suggested an imbalance of trust because he was trying to dig into that part of Dean that is loyal to his friends. In other words, he was telling a lie for manipulation purposes, and that's just the damn truth. It isn't some crap about Dean having trust issues. It's Dean not buying some crap Cas is trying to sell—a twisted picture he is trying to paint to avoid doing something worse to get Dean out of his way.

It is insane for people to say Dean doesn't care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him though when you consider Cas hurt someone Dean loves just to keep Dean out of his way—he broke Sam's brain—Sammy's brain—and Dean still found a way to forgive that despite all of the trauma he has wrapped up in protecting Sam, and then he fought 360 degree combat through Purgatory looking for someone who abandoned him. Then while that person was beating him to death he was looking up at him calling him family and Cas again abandoned him. Any time Dean expressed affection for Cas there was a good bet Cas leaving would follow quickly. But Dean approaches Cas in a way the majority of fandom refuses to approach all of the characters—with an understanding of his motivations and hangups and intentions and what is in his heart (and Cas approaches him the same way). Despite it all, Dean knows that Cas cares about him. He doesn't understand why Cas won't include him though—or he does, and the reasons aren't okay with him and Cas will. not. stop. and that is the ever growing festering wound that leads to the divorce arc. It is absolutely 100% a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Dean's frustrations with Cas's unilateral decision-making are not... ever dealt with. Cas wanting to ghost Dean is not ever dealt with. Cas Malewifing sidelining Dean whenever he damn well feels like it by just refusing to answer the phone is not ever dealt with. Because each time it's discussed, it happens again. The ultimate narrative is just that Dean should be expected to accept it, and be grateful, and I don't think that's fair. I don't think that refusing to communicate is something that Dean should have to put up with from his best friend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But more than that, I'm sad that it's something Cas isn't allowed to grow from, because that tendency—that desire for that secrecy and control of the means of communication and that desperation for martyrdom—that is coming from a place of great pain for Cas—a wound—and it's a deep one, and he deserved to get to start to close that wound up and heal.

[mirrorballhughes]

i miss you im sorry: luke hughes x adelaide hunter

in between by gracie abrams

but make it about luke and el!! this is just gonna be short little excerpts about the childhood friends x lovers :) ( who then become strangers… back to friends then back to lovers.) but we are not discussing that rn :p

these excerpts correspond with the lyrics in the song obviously which is probably obvious but yolo. i hope you guys enjoy :)

“I just can't come between 'em,

they got their own thing.

luke and adelaide’s relationship is very special. the pair are the only people who understand each other. they have unmatched chemistry, their mothers have always sensed the duo would end up together. no one could ever get in the couples way. (someone/things do/did..)

I wish he'd stop pretendin', he won't let his phone ring,

For more than a couple seconds, oh, I think maybe two.

as sooon as the pair got phones luke and adelaide were always texting and face-timing. jack would make jokes about how quickly his younger brother would answer, not even letting his phone get to a second ring. that became lukes thing, always answering el as fast as he could because who knows what could be happening to the blonde girl. (one day el stops calling, and even if she would call he wouldn’t let it get to a second ring.)

Two hearts just fallin' in and out of

love for somethin' new.

adelaide knew she liked luke in 5th grade. it took luke til 6th grade to realize he liked el, only because quinn was picking on him for it and told him how noticeable it was from the 4th grade. the pair knew it was love the summer before junior year. they couldn’t have fallen out of love right? (to them it seemed like it, to everyone else they knew love was still floating around.) they did fall out of with plenty others though, they just wanted something new, someone to get their minds off each other.

I wish that you could see 'em,

their faces lighten up.

whenever adelaide sees luke, her eyes sparkle and everything just stops. no one else gets ade’s eyes that sparkly. whenever luke sees el, nothing else feels right. he feels comfort and home when he looks at her. their faces both lighten up, seeking that warm comfort homely feeling they get from each other. but the two dont notice that at all, even with everyone saying something they just dont realize it.

Their past is cold and empty, they know it’s been enough.

Of waitin' on somebody, someone who doesn’t care.

the pair both have/had many fair shares of unhealthy relationships and heartbreak. they both made each other realize how those people were never good for them. luke and el both needed to understand their worth and that they they are deserving of someone better. which was each other, they were made for each other and everyone else knew that except them.

But he knows her name, she

knows he’ll always be there.

this really isn’t abour luke knowing adelaide’s name. he truly knows her. luke always took his time to understand adelaide. el had felt unloveable, but luke had changed that. the youngest hughes brother always ALWAYS listened to el. he never made up assumptions or showed that he didnt care about her unlike her past relationships. luke was the only person ade cared about. he truly cared about her. luke understood her well being, and didnt use her for her body, unlike past people.

He laughs at her eyes, at her smile,

at the glasses on her face.

luke just finds the whole girl beautiful. he cant help but laugh when he notices the little things el does. she only does them because of him. the blonde used to wear glasses when she was younger, luke would pick on her in a joking manner. he never ever wanted to make el upset ever. (he ends up doing so. but she ends up hurting him as well. a win win?)

She loves how he talks late at night,

when there's no one else to say

el is insecure and luke offers her the assurance and words of affirmation she needs to be at peace with herself. el doesn’t feel like she has anyone to depend on, to support her in times of need. but realizing it now, she does. luke is her safe haven.

How she's beautiful and funny and

smart like nothin' he's ever seen

luke has never met a girl like adelaide. she’s always just so bubbly and doesnt need to pretend to be something she’s not. the curly haired boy always thought she was the most beautiful girl ever. her personality was perfect, and she was way beyond smart even if she never showed it to anyone else.

He's good to her and she wants

it more than everything in- between

adelaide didnt want no one else, she only wanted luke hughes. ade just wanted everything in- between, not wanting to make those same decisions, like her past unhealthy relationships that have ended in heartbreak and trauma. el has a desire for someone who is good to her. it took some time but she finally accepted of a purer love, rather than her previous toxic relationship cycles. and she realized luke is really good to her and hes the only thing keeping her a float.

She toes the line between 'em,

he says he’s new at this

ade follows the basics of a relationship, being as though she was new at this not using to having a soft relationship. luke was very understanding about this and always took his time with the girl. both of them were very understanding about each other.

There's holy ground beneath them,

and sparks fly when they kiss

two taylor songs!!!

Holy Ground, from luke’s pov, he sees it about a whirl wind relationship that is full of memories. which he adores. he loves how much the pair works. the two still care about one another. Sparks Fly, from adelaide’s pov, is about the first stages of having a crush on luke. also the first time the two kissed, they both felt these very strong sparks. which always come out when they kiss. they seem to have never gone away. the two songs could also reflect on how the couple treated each other.

He hates it when she's crying,

he hates when she's away

luke hates hearing the girl cry. he remembers one time at the lake house, adelaide cried on her birthday because her parents werent gonna be there. the blonde cried so much that day, luke did everything to keep her happy. he never wanted to be the reason adelaide hunter was crying. (he had made her cry. one few many times…) he also hates being away from the girl. they would always spend hours in each others dorms, working on homework or just watching movies. mainly enjoying each other’s company. (it was hard to leave UMich because he just wanted el there with him everywhere.) luke wouldn’t admit he was clingy towards el, but his friends would constantly remind him how he was, also the boy knew he was.

Even at their worst, they

know they'll still be okay

el and luke never fought. the couple always communicated how they felt or if they were going through anything. (one day that just stops and they both start fights just because of stress.) even if they would fight, the pair would know they would be okay. nothing could ever get in the way. el got frustrated with luke at points yes, vice versa but they both loved each other so much to let any fights through. (they end up having a big fight and break up…)

if you guys wanna see any of these scenarios lmk! even the (crossed out ones!!) i want to write ade and luke more soo whatever you guys wanna see pls just let me know!! i hope you guys are enjoying this :)

[black-arcana]

NIGHTWISH Releases New Single 'The Day Of...' From Upcoming 'Yesterwynde' Album

Symphonic metal veterans NIGHTWISH have released "The Day Of...", the second single from their upcoming album, "Yesterwynde", due on September 20, 2024 via Nuclear Blast. It marks the band's tenth studio LP, following on from the release of "Human. :II: Nature." in 2020.

NIGHTWISH keyboardist and main songwriter Tuomas Holopainen told Kerrang! magazine about the first single from "Yesterwynde", a song called "Perfume Of The Timeless": "When we had the first meeting with Nuclear Blast, talking about the new album and singles, I told them the first single will be a song called 'Perfume Of The Timeless' and it's eight and a half minutes long and the chorus comes in at 3:30. And they were, like, 'Perfect!' I think that has to do with the fact that we have a long legacy. You know, we can do whatever we want, and I do, but it says something that we can do that, when I heard that for Spotify it's good to have the vocals start after 15 seconds, or people skip it; they don't have the attention span anymore."

Asked if he had to adjust his writing style because "Yesterwynde" marks NIGHTWISH's first album since 2002's "Century Child" without bassist/vocalist Marko Hietala, Tuomas said: "No, it doesn't really change anything, except that now we had two voices instead of three, only Floor [Jansen, lead singer] and Troy. But that's it — it really didn't change much at all. And Jukka [Koskinen], the new bass player, is such a grounding personality that it's so easy to work with him. And his bass playing skills are tremendous, quite different from how Marko played the bass, which also brought a new spice into the music. So nothing but positive things to say about it all.

"There are many bands in the world that don't have a single original member anymore," he continued. "And I think it comes down to the fact that if the music is good, then that’s all that matters, in the end. Maybe for some people, certain bands are so holy that they can stand if they don't have certain members in it, even though the music would be good, but I don't really think like that. I just listen to the music, not the personnel behind it. That's all that matters to me."

Holopainen also addressed the fact that NIGHTWISH has no plans yet to tour in support of "Yesterwynde". The band previously explained that the reasons for the touring break were "personal" but unrelated to Jansen's then-pregnancy. (Jansen gave birth to her second child in October 2023.) Asked if it feels weird to be talking about an album that, for the first time, he won't be supporting on the road, Tuomas said: "No, it doesn't feel weird. It just feels right. But people shouldn't get worried. It's not the end of the band. We just signed a multi-record deal with Nuclear Blast, so there will be more music coming, definitely. But as far as shows, we're just gonna have a long breather now and see what happens. That's all I can say at the moment. We got our fair share in 2022 and 2023 when we did a lot of shows. So that helped."

"Yesterwynde" track listing:

01. Yesterwynde 02. An Ocean Of Strange Islands 03. The Antikythera Mechanism 04. The Day Of... 05. Perfume Of The Timeless 06. Sway 07. The Children Of 'Ata 08. Something Whispered Follow Me 09. Spider Silk 10. Hiraeth 11. The Weave 12. Lanternlight

In a press release, Holopainen stated about "Perfume Of The Timeless": "You are the result of an unbroken chain of millions of ancestors and their loves. 'Perfume Of The Timeless' reminds us all of this amazing fact. And if you're not amazed, listen to it again, because it's important."

In January, NIGHTWISH drummer Kai Hahto spoke about the band's upcoming follow-up to 2020's "Human. :II: Nature." album in an interview with Laureline Tilkin of Tuonela Magazine. He said: "At least it's not gonna be the same as 'Human. :II: Nature.', so… Probably, let's say that we go back to more heavy, heavier things on the new album, but also there's a lot of, again, new winds to blow, so to speak. So, different new elements. But, of course, it's still NIGHTWISH, but, of course, we brought back the big symphony orchestra again to the new upcoming tenth album. Yeah, it's gonna be exciting. And quite challenging music to play as well."

Earlier in January, Hahto told Chaoszine that "it look[ed] like" NIGHTWISH wouldn't play any shows in the next two or three years.

In December 2022, Holopainen said NIGHTWISH's upcoming follow-up to "Human. :II: Nature." would be the third part of a trilogy that began with 2015's "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" album. He told Metal Hammer: "I immediately knew after getting that album ['Endless Forms Most Beautiful'] done that, 'Okay, we have to do more songs about this, because there's so much more to explore and tell the world. We're not done with this.' And the same thing happened after 'Human. :II: Nature.'; we're still not done. So let's do one more. At least one more.

"In a way, [the next album] is the third part of a trilogy, which started with 'Endless Forms…' and then 'Human. :II: Nature.' There are some major surprises there again, but it feels like a natural continuation to 'Human. :II: Nature.'"

In September 2022, Tuomas was asked if NIGHTWISH's upcoming LP will once again be an exploration of evolutionary science, as was the case with the previous two releases. Tuomas said: "Yes and no. It sails on the same waters, but there's some new surprises there as well."

In August 2022, Tuomas told Rock Sverige that he spent "about a year" working on the music and lyrics for the next NIGHTWISH album.

Asked if he got any kind of inspiration from the pandemic, Tuomas said: "Yeah, lyrically there's a couple of things that reflects the pandemic, but not in the way you would expect."

"Human. :II: Nature." was released in April 2020. The follow-up to 2015's "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" was a double album containing nine tracks on the main CD and one long track, divided into eight chapters, on CD 2.

In August 2022, NIGHTWISH announced the addition of Jukka Koskinen (WINTERSUN) as an official member of the band. Koskinen, who made his live debut with NIGHTWISH in May 2021 at the band's two interactive experiences, had spent the previous year touring with NIGHTWISH as a session musician.

In November 2022, Jansen revealed that she was "cancer free" after undergoing surgery to have a tumor removed following a breast cancer diagnosis.

Photo credit: Tim Tronckoe (courtesy of Nuclear Blast)

[changbinsboobs]

Changbin's Current Love Life 31.8.24

First things first he's not in a relationship.

He's not having any crushes either, nor entertaining anyone at this current time.

He's focused on his self-growth and getting himself to a position/state he wants to be. He's building himself. I would even say he's remastering himself.

He has rejected lots of people and left lots of crushes behind, and i believe he has had his fair share of heartbreak in his love life. From both sides i would say.

I think he has been pretty unlucky in his love life till now. That's why he's taking a break (i believe a longer break too, I'm seeing webs😂 i think he hasn't been in the game for a while) from all that dating/relationships stuff. Quite a contrast ti the rest if his life cuz he generally seems like a very lucky person overall. Very gifted, with lots of good people around him and he seems to me like opportunities just keep flowing his way. Someone that gives the vibe of being "gods favourit".

He has invested sooo much energy and time and just himself in vain, shallow, mismatched and even toxic relationships that have taken from him more than they have given. I think this would be his Achiles Heel and the one thing he doesn't have. Like he has it all, but he doesn't have that. Or at least that's how he feels.

I think with all the success he has had with his career, finances, popularity among people and friends, luck with his family, academical success yada yada yada - he has reached a point where as satisfiying those things once were - they don't bring him the fulfillment he once had. I think he feels a certain emptiness and maybe even a bit of aimlessness? Don't get me wrong i think he still lives doing music, but being an idol is not what it once was to him and as he has grown more mature and satiated his greediness for sucess - his needs have moved elsewhere and now he's really thirsty and greedy for love. I think thats why he has so many spilled cups - cuz he has felt that way for a while now and has eagerly tried to find the missing piece, but its not that easy as all of the other stuff. And so now he has come to a point where he "waits".

I think this is a lesson for him to bring him down to earth a bit and to humble him. Not that he's not humble. He is. But thats a different kind if humbleness im talking about. Like, he has had so much given to him in terms of options. I believe he's someone that has always had the opportunity to choose. And whatever he chose it would've been good. Of course he has to put in lots of work into what he does, we see that now in his songs and performance etc. but for him it was always easier than for others. His odds for success are higher. Even if he doesn't succeed and excel, he doesn't fail. And if he were to ever fail, he would have a safety net from steel and gold, with people on every corner waiting for him to choose from which end of the net he wants to get down. And then when he does he gets his hand held each step, not even that, he's carried. Thats the image im getting in terms of what i mean he has had it easy compared to others. (Small note i believe any hate and ignorance etc that might come his way is genuinely nothing but pure jealousy from people. Energy can feel energy. Even if people don't know him, they subconsciously feel how full his cup is with the highest quality of wine, and that its golden and adorned with all kinds of diamonds and precious stones...meanwhile the have a few raindrops in their hands.) As i said "gods favourite". But that favour reaches only to a certain point - and this more unlucky part of his life is the one thing to put him on the same level as others. While other people are just regular, he's exceptional - but in turn for that, he has a continuous thirst for something he cannot get until he deserves it in some way i feel like. And it's completely out of his reach or control. I think thats a feeling thats very foreign to him. So thats what i mean by humbling.

I got too much into that specific topic but yeah, i think he has battled with this for a while and has reached a new level of that stage/lesson in his life and i believe his curent focus is on himself and bettering himself as a person. Growing outside of himself and getting reborn. Turning inside, and also reaching further than his arms length. I believe he has been pretty sheltered and has always had a pretty small circle. Like he has kept in his comfort zone most if not all of his life and hasn't done much outside if it for the simple reason the never had a reason to. Until now.

I would say he's on a journey:)

And i see him "praying" for wisdom, for guidance, for a direction. He's "praying" for love. And i don't mean praying in the religious sense but rather he's just reaching out to the universe. As i said above - reaching out beyond his arms length. He's in search of more. Higher meaning. I believe he's someone that has already mastered the physical very very well!!! Probably his good karma from many many successful past lives. And i believe his soulmate (the one he's seeking and praying for and doing all this transformation for) is the exact opposite. I believe his soulmate has always had great luck in the more higher aspects of life (sadly those are way less in a physical world) but little to no knowledge on how to operate the physical world. I think both of them are currently in a metamorphosis state where he reaches out to her, while she reaches out to him. He reaches up for the sky, while she learns how to stand on the ground and when they learn they both will meet in the middle and continue learning from each other and supporting each other.

I feel like there's much more to it but i had to take a break in between the reading and had to go back to it later, which made me lose that train of "thought" i had, and the cards in itself don't show anything else than what i've already talked about so I guess I'll leave it at that. And in a few months i might do another one as a continuation/follow up of this one.

Since this reading was very divinely oriented, involving energy concerning his past lives, destiny, soulmate, karma, purpose, life lessons etc, i think ill do one about such divine orchestration topics soon, as i believe he's someone that has a lot of energy to read about that:)

[rivalkieran]

domestic life 1, 9, 12

pre-relationship 5

love 7, 9, 12, 13, 15

this is. a lot so Im putting it under a cut :P

domestic life:

When they move in together, who gets the most say in decorations? What do they each have to have in the house? I think theyd have like an equal say in the decorations. they dont really coordinate themes or color schemes for the rooms or anything like that I think they just get whatever they like which results in their apartment looking like an absolute mildly overstimulating patchwork mess. and they like it that way :) barring the obvious Battle Stuff both of them would like posters kieran maybe a little moreso (they diverge in like. the specific interests those posters reflect? florian has alot of game merch and kieran has band merch) and also I think florian would like collecting figurines and plushies and stuff. oh also I think kierans various masks he carves would be used as decor around the whole place :3

How do they celebrate holidays? dependssss on the holiday I think. for most holidays (a la xmas halloween new years) its probably more like a big friendgroup hangout session. I dont think either of them would really give a shit about valentines day. HOWEVER they would absolutely go all out for the festival of masks every year. they fly out to kitakami, kieran makes custom masks for them every year, they have a little picnic date night on oni mountain etc etc. yes both of them make jokes about that field trip. mostly kieran though LOL

Who likes to dance with, or sing for, the other? honestly I dont think either of them are very inclined to sing for eachother I dont see that happening. at most I think florian would threaten to burst out into song and kieran would go "dont do that." and thats the end of that bit. DANCING THOUGH... I can see that happening during the more mellow hours (blacklight has those? surprising I know) and it would be initiated by mostly florian aswell. overall shes probably the one that specifically references the swordfight more between the two of them. except it would be actual dancing for all of maybe 5 minutes if theyre being generous before it inevitably devolves into an elaborate game of tag

pre-relationship:

What would their lives be like if they had never met? alot worse! neither of them would get that push from eachother to break out of their shells and both of them would slowly rot inside of those shells having never gotten the chance to bloom into their own person leaving both of them as hollow husks of themselves :D also this would butterfly effect into the continuation of the protag/rival feedback loop so Everyone would be worse! fun!

love:

Who is better at comforting the other? How do they usually comfort each other? kieflos communication style is veryyyy. telepathy image. so I dont think their type of comfort would be like verbal atleast not in the traditionally 'comforting' way? kieran especially would Not like the traditional verbal comfort LOL. their brand of comfort is probably just providing a distraction of some kind or like just Being Around. no need for words. I wouldnt describe either of them as being 'better' at the comforting thing either... idk its hard to judge since theyre so Weird about it

What reminds them of each other? honestly it might be an easier question to ask what DOESNT remind them of eachother. like if theyre not in eachothers direct presence theyre probably still on eachothers minds to some degree so basically anything is fair game here. if I had to point out something specific though I think theyd go "oh theyd like this" alot at stuff that pertains to the others interests. like. kieran picks up a plushie from the arcade when he passes by bc florian likes them. florian picks up a cd of that new album from that band kierans been enjoying lately. etc. you get the idea

Who remembers the little things? both of them! its thematically important to both sides that they get to see Everything from eachother so both of them would hang on to every little detail about eachother <3 theyre so disgusting can we put them down please

How do they make up after an argument? Who is the first one to apologize? They Don't! kieflo toxic-to-everyone-except-themselves moments. they have a lot of arguments yes but its nearly almost always stupid shit that theyre arguing about for the thrill of the debate itself. theyll get passionate about anything if theyre pit against eachother. so like. no need for apologies. if the argument actually WAS something substantial, then... well for one theyre both too stubborn to apologize and also tbh I dont think either of them would Want to be apologized to? verbally atleast. ...ok well florian would enjoy getting apologized to but then she'd feel grosser about That than the actual argument but kieran would rather die. they work on like a karma system I feel like. instead of saying sorry they just have to repay the other through like a pokemon battle or something

What gifts do they typically give each other? actually I kinda already half answered this in the what reminds them of eachother question. their gifts to eachother are just stuff they know the other likes. its a very casual arrangement like 'oh they mentioned they wanted that' go in and buy it no biggie