#like u know its a good fucking character when theyre dead before you even know them yet u mourn them the most AN ENTIRE ARC AFTER DEATH

[sea-buns]

Was having a sick day today and decided what better time to do absolutely nothing else but lie in bed and finally begin arc 2 of the wwwo...

And my god.

I can't think of a single work of cinema, or art, or literature, or ANYTHING that has struck me as fiercely as Ame's memories with Grandmother Ren have. I don't have the mind today to even begin to unravel all the little threads of love and care and- and whatever word encapsulates the kind of softness that comes from understanding something with your entire being- that you can feel littered throughout the tapestry of that sequence. And I don't think I ever will. I don't think I'll ever find words that live up to my love for that whole deal. All I can muster is this extremely ineloquent:

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Fucking incredible showstopping performance from Brennan and Erika, holy mother of fuck.

[jazzyblusnowflake]

OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c

honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕

also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-

keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.

hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p

First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.

next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭

envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕

envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu

Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-

next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-

DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//

DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.

ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕

ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-

okay some more or less crack ships down here:

ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-

ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-

ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔

LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-

ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-

DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]

okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...

J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=

Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.

Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔

aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Imagine everyone in genshin could physically see when you lag. Collecting some sunsettia then my ping sky rockets to 999 and im frozen for a good minute in the middle of doing an attack 😭

SOB bro ive gotten caught in some DOWNRIGHT SILLY lags before- i would pass away if they saw that

Esp since i get them stuck then just start laughing my ass off 💀

This gif took me out this is so funny 😭 i had to put it here LMAO

I accidentally made Venti jump on top of a Aranara house when I was first exploring Sumeru and did that "flying in the air/jumpin down pose" but just. Through a palm leaf, he's just fluttering in the wind it was painfully ironic 😭

BRO

BRO

Bro.

What if u were isekaied to Genshin but it still has game rules, and so now ur like a character too,

SO U CAN ALSO LAGGGG STOPPP 😭😭😭

I would constantly be omw to the Backrooms 💀

Glitching thru magic shit bc im inpatient and wanna hurry (lagged myself thru some domain steps once)

OH MY GOD-

IF THEYRE AWARE

OF EVEN JUST YOU LAGGING THEIR BODIES

DUDE 😭

So this is unrelated to lag shit, but Ive just done so much silly ass things in game that they would find just as funny or dumb 💀

♤

So, When i first started Genshin I was on some Shit.

I had only rlly played one or two open world games before, and even then not for a long time, so I just like did the stupidest things

I was fighting in those early domains in Mondstadt right, and I had just gotten to the cutscene with Lisa and Traveler, I think thats all who were there

And I had just finished the last battle in the chamber, so I had just deployed Baron Bunny from Amber but killed the monsters before it could go off-

SO IN THE MIDDLE OF LISA TALKING- JUST AN EXPLOSION HAPPENS STAGE LEFT OFF SCREEN AND INTERUPTS HER LMFAO

I LITERALLY APOLOGIZED TO LISA I WAS CRYING LAUGHING SO HARD

(no pls dont make her aware of that for me she would bully me forever)

I FELT LIKE I WAS JUST CAUSING THESE CHARACTERS PROBLEMS RIGHT OFF THE BAT LMAO

◇

And I also didnt know about boss monsters yet (i didnt watch anyone play genshin/know where or what they were lol goin in blindfolded essentially)

So im running around Mond. and I start fighting a Cryo whopperflower for a little while, im not high level yet, and deadass MID SWORD SWING-

I GLITCH THRU A TINY CRACK IN THE ROCKS BC ITS OPEN ON THE TOP RIGHT??!! SO IT WAS JUST SOLID GROUND TO ME AND IM JUST FALLING-??!!

AND THEN I LAND MY ASS THE GIANT CRYO FLOWER REGISVINE AND I STG IT LAGGED AND WAITED FOR A MINUTE BEFORE IT STARTED MOVING LIKE IT WAS CONFUSED TOO-

AND ITS LEVEL IS LIKE IN THE RED

AND THE FALL KILLED AETHER (which I also didnt know could happen 😭TRAUMA) SO I JUST SUDDENLY HAVE AMBER OUT- !!??

BRO THAT WHOLE SITUATION MADE ME THINK I HAD ANGERED THE TINY FLOWER SO BAD IT JUST BECAME HUGE-

I WAS LITERALLY SCREAMING AT MY SCREEN "AMBER FUCK RUNNNN OH GOD AETHER'S DEAD???!! "

BC I WAS LIKE LEVEL 14 VS. ITS LEVEL 36

Talk about an all-knowing creator god 😭😭

Thatd be so embarassing if they remembered that 💀 aether would literally bring it up all the time to get to me

AMBER WOULD PITY ME AND HAVE SYMPATHEY NOO

♧

Then later on in Liyue, theres a chest underneath these guard statues hidden by a bush right? And one of those Geoculus star things too, and i have my compass out trying to find all the Geoculuses(?)

And Im like, " ok towards the statue??"

THEN I JUST PLUMMET- AND I IMMEDIATELY INSTINCTIVELY LIKE, SO HEARTBROKEN AND DISTRESSED SOUNDING "nOPLEASENOTAGAIN- oh, ohhh my godd" my heart was racinggg i literally sighed and I sat there for a minute breathin heavy 😭😭

My team wouldve had a heart attack and field day with me doin shit like that, theyd be like

"This our god? This you?"

Aether has so much blackmail on me 🥲

☆

If I had a mora for everytime I fell on a boss monster in Genshin Impact, I would have 3 mora.

Which isn't a lot of mora, but it's weird that it happened three times.

Cheers,

💀♒️

(we updated the logo bc im stupid and didnt realize i couldve been typing that the whole time)

♡the beloveds♡

Srry figure it was close enough id tag yall anyway

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

u kno im in deep with an oc when i already have complete narrative writing itself in my head

im trying to avoid anything that may or may not happen during the penacony questline bc ill have to adjust it in the end anyway

but i got a better feel for aster's character (while making a hot pocket in the kitchen at 1 am):

dead!aster = dead friend who shapes my OC's identity

fake!aster = my actual OC, who is just referred to as aster to other characters

dead!aster probably had some sort tragic background where their entire planet just [insert bad thing where dead!aster is the sole survivor] and is living afterward in absolute despair before becoming nihilitypilled.

and moments afterward theyre just like 'no im not accepting this' and goes through the process of radical acceptance and is constantly trying to find some sort of good or beauty or wonder in the terms of 'oh [insert dead family member/friend here] would have liked these flowers i will appreciate them in my friend's honor'

so by the time dead!aster and fake!aster meet, dead!aster is pretty kind and gentle

while fake!aster, before all this. is a pretty jaded memokeeper. she is not a cremator at all but is like 'when someone dies their memories are kept alive by their loved ones. but there will be a time eventually that not even the living will remember this one person. we are preserving these memories but theyll just sit here.... forever'

they were probably on their way to becoming nihilitypilled herself but the two eventually does find companionship in each other. trying to find a way to bring meaning back into the inevitable process of being erased once the living no longer can remember you

but then ofc dead!aster dies and fake!aster is abt to fuckin spiral out of control right into IX's empty void before coming to the realization that she can keep dead!aster's memory alive forever if she just wears their face & identity and can carry out their goals on her own

the timeline of dead!aster finding meaning in living for others and on their own death fake!aster does the same thing for them, in her own fucked up way

so i think it would be neat, that fake!aster wearing the skin of dead!aster covers up the fact that theyre a memokeeper. theyve probably deflected from the garden of recollection by now. but its fucked up and kinda manipulative that she fronts as this unassuming character but she can literally store and preserve memories. theres nothing stopping her from just Knowing the memories of those she comes into contact and feigns indifference

she is sure gonna gaslight gatekeep girlboss everyone on penacony [looks at aventurine]

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[robynbaldurlogs]

baldur log day 3

TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!! OHHH MY GOD. IM SO MAD. ok. im exaggerating but. ill get to that. so lets just go through the first couple things that happened. heres the squad. say hi intrepid heroes

so i talked to zevlor and agreed to find the goblin leader. on my way to the goblin camp i meet these people who talk about the absolute and call me a true soul after their brother dies lol.

then they say theyre looking for a survivor from the ship crash, i say i am one and..

they... wanna kill me...??? i really didnt want to but i was already in the fight so im like. whatever. sure man. so i cooked the shit out of them, duh. im curious about what their deal was though... also i had the option to ask if they knew about halsin the healer and i didnt ask which sucks cus i should have done that first also im... starting to catch on to what astarion is. if im assuming correctly. cus earlier he talked about how much he looooves rare ass meat thats "dripping" with blood and that was weird as a random comment but...

Ok. I Know What You Are.

anyways. then i meet this dog by his dead owner. befriend him. all good.

but then. i use speak to animals (with wyll) and talk to the dog. and wanting to help i yell at the corpse. because im like. I DUNNO MAN. maybe the dog will realize hes dead. but then HE GETS MAD AT ME AND TURN COMBAT MODE COMES ON. and i tried to go back and reload. i didnt want to but i also did not want to kill him. but the save was so far back. then i tried to run away with astarion but i guess running away works per character. so i thought oh maybe if i return the fight will be over.... and it wasnt....

i have never regretted something more. ohhhh i am going to show you so much love and compassion when i run this game a second time. this is the worst thing to happen to me. ever. fuck everything. i still love you scratch.

...anyways. got to the goblin camp. used a wisdom roll to convince the goblins we're good thanks to the brain tadpole. astarion commented on how we could convince anyone to do anything with the tadpoles and he was like mweheheeheh.

but of course i agree with shadowheart. cus shes goated. also id agree with that if it wasnt her either way. (ignore her looking like a swedish twink. i used disguise self and forgot to change her back) oh also we leveled up right before this hell yes

but ya then my friend speves reminded me to go back to that gate in the beginning of the game that was locked. so i went there and unlocked it with astarion. fucked up like twice but hey man its a dc 20 okay. im lucky i had vampirical fuck with me or ida never unlocked it

but yeah i went into the crypt, looted some stuff and killed a couple people. nothing bad happened in the first room and i did not have to reload.

embarrassing as fuck but yeah then i intimidated the guys outside to leave

and shadowheart said i was more cunning than i looked.... wow. thank u. im flattered. but yeah relatively short session i havent even found halsin or met karlach yet but hopefully i get that done next time. ive got a test tomorrow so im gonna fuck off and study hell yeah bitches

[hotdadlicense]

hmmm top 5 shows, top 5 animals aaaaand top 5 scenes from any show/movie

loren please..... i lve you.

top five SHOWS.

the walking dead - ................. like it has to be said. i'm so sorry. it didn't even really go 'bad' for me like it did lose me for a hot minute or two there originally but like. when i rewatched i was like no actually i love it here. i love this hot mess. and i tragically fucking do. could really do with bringing certain characters back etc or just dissappearing some storylines but like. i do fucking love it.

breaking bad - i didnt even KNOW what i was in for i was just like this'll be fine this'll be chill. and then my life changed forever y'know.

it's always sunny in philadelphia - my go-to show to have on in the background, to have on when im sick, to have on when i need a laugh, to have on when im feeling miserable, to have on when i just wanna feel like Myself. can probably quote like. every episode by this point.

black sails - literally don't even need to explain this one. bs is already tumblr critically acclaimed. if i could go back in time and watch the season two last two episodes for the first time all over again, i would in a heartbeat. the girl that existed in my bedroom when watching those eps? never seen her before and i'll never be her again.

911 - listen. it TRULY is tv show of all time. u KNOW this i know you know this. u can't put eddie diaz in a tv show and not have it change the lives of millions.

top fIVE animals.

SHARKS. sharks sharks sharks sharks sharks all types all kinds theyre all my children

foxes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please the fennec fox my BABY

long maned wolf.

dogs!

snakes. also HOW is your snake btw i miss them

top 5 scenes!

lets revisit black sails again and say season two finale as a whole? but also the 'in the light there is discovery' forest speech in the series finale............................i get chills like every time. WAIT ALSO 'my name is John Silver. and i've got a Long Fucking Memory.' INSANE acting also idk if this is really technically 'top five scenes' worthy but uknow that line where flints like 'where else would you wake up in the morning and matter?' @ silver??? yeah it ingrained itself into my brain and now whenever my brains having a bad day and being a bitch, it just repeats that line over and over to myself. again i dont know if that makes it a top five thing but boy oh bOY it sure made an impact !

iasip mac finds his pride when mac does the dance and franks crying and is like 'i get it. i get it now.' maybe its cos i feel like there is just a 00.01% chance of my parents ever accepting me and im projecting or whatever but that scene? every fucking time im like........ crying lol

my brain is one big jumble for the walking dead and i just can't pin down one scene? so i'm just gonna take a cop out and say that part where daryl and merle are in the woods huntin when they split off in s3 or whatever after they reunite and daryls got his crossbow simply becos i still remember watching it with my mum and her being like 'oh look at daryls Arms. he's really got Muscles.' and i was like. scandalised. in a Good way. and now everytime i see him in that scene i'm like justin beiber tweet i love Arm.

that scene in breaking bad where jesses in hospital after hank beats the shit outta him in the rv and walt visits him in hospital and jesse has that breakdown in 3.07? jesse pinkman crying in a hospital bed bruised and beaten saying 'i am not turning down the money, i am turning down you.' when he's yelling 'i have NOTHING. NO ONE.' ??????????????? scene of all scenes. wait also the peek-a-boo kid scene in s2

stuggling to think of a last one uh maybe in the seventh fast and furious movie when see you again plays at the end and they're all on the beach and then dom and brian are racing except you know its not paul walker and u know its CGI or whatever and ???? i still cry over that sorry

[matchaoink]

Watching the vidcon dsmp panel vod thoughtss

JACK MANIFOLD MC ????

The audio isnt synced sadge

YOOOOOOOOO PEOPLE

Unannounced guests???

BOOMER OMG

YOOOOOOO CPK??

THE PEOPLE CHEERIGN WHEN THEY EACH GO ON STAGE AWWWWW

Props to Jack for mc-ing the best ‼️‼️‼️

HAHAHAHA PURPLED WHATTAHAJS

CONNOR?????

Shaking rn i just feel so haopy wTching it cringe is dead idgaf

Ranboos outfit is....something at least its not jorts

oh god tommys "HELLO? " AMAZIMGNGNGN

HE ACCOMPANIED RANBOO ONNFLROOROR

Tommys being tommy again HAHAH

OH GOD THEY SEE COSPLAYERS HAHAHA

HAHAHAHAH wilbur is like a giant mans just

OH GOD THEY STARTED A CHANT

HAHAHAHHA 20 MINS IN

Oh no questions time HELP

SPIDERMAID WOOOO

Im so

Im going to get thru this. Without cringing.

SPIDERMAID AND JARED???M WHATTT spidermaid jared aint for u WHAT THEYRE DATINGGGG

Im so glad the pog chanr was stopped TT

GOGY GLASSES OMG

HAHAHAH REPPING TUBNET

GHOSTBOO LORE OMG

GOOGLE DOC???? BROOROOROE YOU DOTM FET TO DROP THSI

So many ppl on stage TT like i feel as if some pekple arent getting questiosn and just sitting there

AHAHHAHA CONNOR

ghostbur suffering. sadge

Aww i heard "thank you" from the connor choosing person

Good question :OOO

I could never be on top of stage TT

WHATTT THE PLOT PIINTS WERE ??? MINUTES BEFORE DSICUSSDD????

Just realised how ranboo is sitting??? I sit like that too

HAHAHAH CONNOR BRO

HAHAHA THERES A LARRY VEGGIETALES COSPLAYER HAHAHAH

WOOO PIERCED EARS

Tommy is taking control HAHHAHA

I LOVE TBE QUEEN HAHAHA

Tommy is being so tommy rn ykwim

Im not looking at the video rn bc i cant look at the people who arent speaking and i feel so bad an dim cant

RANBOO STRWAMED LORE OVER SCHOOL HAHAHAHHAHAH

NAHHH THE SCHOOLKIDS RLLY SKIPEPD SCHOOL OVER MINCRAFT

HAHAHA THE FUCKING GIFTCARDS

SPEAK UR TRUTH TOM FUCK AMERICA

PRIMESSS

HAHAHA DREAM COSPLAYER

LMANBURGGG

QUACKIRY COSPLAYER

oh no this is THE question isnt it

OH NAHHHH THEY SATRTED WITH THE C!WILBUR

J CANT NAHH NAH ANH IM CANR

EVEN WILBUR SAID "youre not doing this"

I cannto. Cannot. STOP THSI AMDN3SS IM POWERING THROYGH THIS.

IM BUSTING MY ASS RN THEIR FACES

wilbur wishes he could go back in time and just not

TUBBOS FACE IS MAKING ME LOSE IT

thank god DONT SAY SORRY KING finally now we know tntduo's exacr dynamic

WOOOO SADIST

Crimebroosososos

OF COURSE WILBUR EASILY SLIPS ON

CEIMEBROSS LMANBRURG

HAAHA PHILS EYES ROLE

Awww CLINGYDUO :*(#*×*(×

JAHAHAHB FUNNY MODE ENDS HERE

NAHHHH NOT THE HOUSE BLOWING UP

Elytra :::&**((((

CPKKK WOOO

HAHAHA the house blowing up is like a passageway into lore

The left hand side be chill asf

LMFAOOO THE DSMP DVD

HAHAHAH CONNOR

Eret damnn bro

Ranboos character is just him when he like new-ish to streaming HAHAH

Ranboo what TTT *skull emoji x7*

THE STALLING HEHEHHE

THE M8 WOOOOOOO LETS GOOOO

Tattoo of the ranboo crown dedicated asf

THE FANRT FRRRR SLAYSSSS

These questions are nice and i love hearing the content creators talk about what they likr about streamign

Omg i just realised the *minors* of the dsmp are all here

CRIMBROSISISISSS

CIEMRBSOSOISOS crimbros cyeing rn

Awwhh :))) i love tubbos answer

Puffy <3<3<3<3

I hinestly cant rlly believe how theyre all friends in the server but its nice

CPK AND PONK :DDDDDD AWWHHH

This question is so wholesome :'))))))

no. WHY JUMP IN THE CADILLAC why BUT hinestly iconic tho, ah feels like donos

NAHHHH THEY SINGING IT BRO.

Pls next QUESTJON PLEAEE

TWITCHCON BRO I FIRGOT ABOUT THAT AHHAHAHAH

Awww the karl jacobs person WHOLESOME ASFFFF LETS GOO

THE ANGST PERFEVT ANSWER

AWWW IRS ENDINT :((((((

HEUGHT CHECK HAHAHAHHA

LMFAOOO JACK NEXT TO RANBOO AND PUFFY NEXT TO WILBIR AHHAHAHA AND ERET NEXT TO CONNOR HAHAHAHAHHA

AWW

Its over

So. That was fun

[yuukei-yikes]

love ur shinaya breakup tbh read all of it and it's honestly accurate i think the screaming match isnt necessarily ooc bc ayano has the capacity to get ANGRY and yell honestly i think it would be more like shintaro raises his voice and then ayano snaps and starts screaming and shintaro instantly is like O_O kind of just freezes bc THIS isnt the ayano he knows (the one he usually sees/i feel like he would know that this part of ayano is a real part of her but he doesnt like it bc some part of him still relies on her to be the usual "ayano" as a form of consistency in his life especially post str bc if ayano acts like ayano then that means things r okay and normal and he doesnt have to think abt the timelines where ayano died and STAYED dead and also specifically ayak) he doesnt know how to deal with that rn so after a bit of being yelled at he basically stops talking and ayano is like WHY ARENT U SAYING ANYTHING and shintaro is just like ermmm well uhmmm which pisses off ayano even more she just starts crying bc she's so overwhelmed and doesnt know what to do with herself anymore and shintaro is awkwardly standing there and then they just dont talk abt it or breaking up but they basically break up after that erm sorry for the long ask

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES god this ask made me so excited i fell off my chair no joke. bc i was reading and i was agreeing so hard i was excited. and i um fell off my chair.

IM GONNA BE HONEST I SAID "OOC" AS SORT OF A DISCLAIMER BC ITS KINDA A HOT TAKE IG.... i was like (looks around) i dont wanna be called out or something. but to me its totally in character. i mean ayano gets angry in canon. i love that its canon that she really plays the nice girl role in front of shintaro (and haruka&takane) but at home with mekatrio we see her a lot more vulnerable/able to be angry.

the way i imagine them is usually ayano ending in tears most of the time but when They Break Up like for realsies it's when ayano is just PISSED. shitshow gone too far mode. and i think it starts off from something completely stupid like always, something casual abt WHY WONT U HOLD MY HAND IN PUBLIC!! like something totally idiotic but like i said in the other ask its just all these bottled up emotions and eventually ayano just fucking explodes lmao. shintaro is totally shocked like u say but i think it's such a relief for him somehow because this is it. THIS is what he deserved all along. THIS is what he's been searching for. ayano being mad at him. ayano making him pay for everything. and he's like YEAH!! YELL AT ME MORE!! I DESERVE IT!!! I CAN FINALLY MAKE THINGS UP TO YOU IF UR ANGRY. and that pisses ayano off even more because WHAT are you talking about??? since when is this about what u deserve?? since when am i some sort of trophy wife you feel guilty for having??? i dont want that!! have you been doing this on purpose!?!?!?!? and she DUMPS HIS ASS

everytime theyve broken up before (on and off slay) it's by shintaro and ayano ends in dramatic tears while shintaro is just like angrily pacing around his room. when AYANO dumps him this time and for good, shintaro is in tears. he's such a mess. takane who's been comforting ayano each and every single time shintaro has made her cry and per her request playing this crazy relationship therapist, goes to her fully intending to do it again. like fully intending to comfort her and talk some sense into her thinking theyre just gonna get back together like always. but this time ayano isn't crying at all, she just breathes in relief and talks about the huge weight she got off her back. and takane's like ...ohhh... this time it's different.

usually, the procedure would be ayano sobbing to takane BWAA PLEASE TALK TO HIM and then takane going to yell at shintaro but this time it's SHINTARO who's like. PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU TALK TO HER.

shintaro on the other hand is such a mess. sorry to bring takane into everything💖 but having him sob in her arms is like the icing on the cake bc his thing with her is not THE problem but one of the (many) problems and shintaro REALLY doesn't learn. he is despaired over ayano and crying on takane again, just like back then. and he loves it in an insane way. because this is so comfortable. this is familiar. it is so so painful. he is so heartbroken but it is so familiar. its not more painful than having ayano by his side because ayano's company terrifies him. her survival is one in its kind in all the timelines, and it has been so terrifying to see something new after seeing the same for so long. especially because the something new is her going out with him of all things?? he has so much regret and self loathing and guilt and FEAR OF LOSING EVERYTHING BC NOW ITS NEW AND IT'S NEVER BEEN NEW AND THAT'S SO SCARY to work through that he cannot enjoy it, he's terrified of it instead and acted the way he did essentially so it'd end the way it'd end. and yeah he's whining about wanting her back and he really does but it's like... you know, the same as back then. lol.

so like ayano, he is also relieved. but in totally different ways. does that make sense. erm. hehe

[biohazard2017]

i don’t know anything about resevil but there are multiple right?? which one was your favourite and why

oh yeah there r like dozens of games. my fav is re7 ^ thats what the url means bc its tagline is biohazard and it came out in 2017 yada yada idk i just reallly love it. firstly the atmosphere is really good, i have had the game for like.. 3 years atp and yet im not even halfwaythrough bc it fries all my braincells its so scary im so tense when im playing i literally break out into goosebumps its crazy.

ethan winters is one of my fav protags in any game ever. guy who drove from la to louisiana to look for his wife that disappeared 3 whole years ago and his only reaction to the most gory shit is just to let out a "FUCK" the progression of the genuine fear at the beginning to his final oneliner just being playtimes over?????? (final boss is a kid) first person games r designed w a blank slate protag in mind so the player can embody them as much as possible but ethan is great bc u feel his progression as much as ur own. u feel the excitement and the adrenaline after the first jack fight. u feel as exasperated as he does after the second one. u feel as powerful as he does in the final gauntlet before the final boss. its so great i love ethan so much<3

re7 would not b the game it is w/o the bakers though. theyre SO good. the majority of them serve as the boss of each segment of the game, except for zoe and joe. jack is the regular stalker enemy type (follows and tracks you through the house) but his va is having SO much fun. there is so much emotion right behind jacks insanity. theres a bit at the beginning where u can trigger jack to cut off ur leg and instead of continuing to kill u, he'll stop and pull out some first aid med and let u reattach your leg (everyone infected has really high regenerative properties but u dont learn ethans infected til re8) hes like cmon son:) u can do it:) its crazy to me like theyre still human underneath the 3 years of torture and manipulation like T_T margarite is like a bug boss and lucas does saw traps. zoe is the only one of the immediate family who wasnt fully turned into evies control (the final boss kid shes the one who infected everyone) and she helps ethan through the game and its so interesting to me bc all evie wants is a family so jack is her dad and mia (ethans wife) is her mom and zoe and lucas r her siblings and when ethan gets to the house she wants ethan to be her father instead which is why jack hates you so its like this father and daughter tearing away evies family which is fun bc in re8 ethan does everything he does for his daughter so<3 foreshadowing<3 joe is not particularly impt bc hes just a dlc character so hes the mc for this 4hr game set after the game hes jacks brother. ugh while walking into the final boss fight u see this diorama a kid zoe made of her family and you know everyone is dead except jack who also serves as the final boss and when joe kills him he says this is a farewell from the family, brother. and its gory and fun but afterwards when zoe wakes up (bc of things that happened to her jack was trying to get her) joe tells her that despite everything jack was still her father and its like Augh. this game. tjis game

[blazefire2012]

I posted 4,481 times in 2022

That's 4,007 more posts than 2021!

35 posts created (1%)

4,446 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@moderatelybisexual

@sepulchritude

@amazinglyegg

@ghoulschooldropout

@justagh0ul

I tagged 761 of my posts in 2022

#ref - 21 posts

#fallout 4 - 14 posts

#yes - 11 posts

#hancock - 10 posts

#thank you for boone content - 9 posts

#i love him - 9 posts

#oh my god - 8 posts

#fallout 4 hancock - 8 posts

#fuck - 8 posts

#love him - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and because im not done with the soda thing make your own its iant that hard but the ingredients are pricey but cheaper than a case of cans

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Do u have any headcanons about deacon or dogmeat? I love them both sm

Oh hi! I have a few, not as many as Hancock becuase as someone in the tags put it beautifully, I'm a true ghoul simp so these are all I have 😅 Enjoy <3

Dogmeat

• Definitely that dog you read stories about that has many, many owners. Past the point that game actually mentioned. To the point where if different groups of people come together, such as a party to celebrate the institute becoming a crater, at least 7 people will be arguing. "His name is Jack, he followed my son home months ago!" "No buddy, you've got it wrong, his name is Ed and he helped me catch a radstag last fall!" "You're both wrong, Luke over here loves to hang around my caravan and his favorite thing is brahmin milk!" " What are you guys arguing ab- Aw, do you guys know Mitch too?"

• He has been accidently trained to go to his dog house/Soles bed for the night by the sound of water being dumped over the camp fire every night.

• Also accidently trained to smell when there's something wrong with people in his party and bumps the leg of anyone he's worried about. Infection in a wound, glucose levels, upcoming rads if the person he's traveling with doesn't have a Geiger counter, etc. A very good boy indeed.

• He will gravitate towards mama Murphy and sit on her feet because sometimes she will fall asleep and complain she's cold when she wakes up. She hasn't connected that he's doing it becuase he likes her, she just thinks he's trying to steal her chair. Which is a possibility.

• If you take off his bandana, goggles, or light dog armor, he will pick it up and bring it back to who ever is taking care of him at the time for it to be put back on. He doesn't like being naked.

Deacon

• Because he knows how to hide his emotions so well because it's his literal job, he can read people like a book. Almost scary he's so accurate.

• Learns about litterally anything he can get his hands on just because he can. And becuase it doesn't hurt if he's going undercover as an ex-BoS scribe. He has to walk the walk, you know?

• Even if he trusts someone, i.e Sole after the last affinity talk, he still doesn't like people touching HIM, but he will be the one to touch other people. "Cmere, your coats caught in your packs strap" "oh man, feel how cold my fingers are- why are you running?" "Oh cool, you had a tattoo! Pull up your sleeve, let me see! Does it feel any different when I do this?"

• Yes, the little thing he says during red glare and ambient comments when on sky scrappers is true, he is indeed scared of heights.... Which is exactly what WOULD annoy him to hear you say. He's scared of falling, not heights. Big difference.

• Loves to ask random things about the people hes with. After Sole mentions theyre from before the war or when MacCready mentions being the Mayor of Little Lamplight for example. To the extent if he's been marinating on a certian topic for a while, out of no where, usually at the worst times, he'll just blurt it out. Fighting tons of mirelurks- So did beer really taste better than warm spit like Nick likes to say? Trying to sleep at the dead of night- Did you name Codsworth or did he just get a special name out of the box? Sneaking around a super mutants camp- So was the platypus real or are those holo tape movies just fucking with me?

68 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

#4

Whenever my fiance pokes fun at me romancing Hancock over and over again or complaining Nick isn't romancable, I bring up the fact he let it slip one night that he's wanted to fuck Midna from twilight princess since the game came out.

And I'm not talking about her beautiful goddess form, oh no, he's not picky. He loved her in her cursed imp form before he found out that wasnt her real form so he has no room to talk about me wanting to hold hands with a sexy king of the zombies or toaster in a trench coat.

74 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

#3

I never thought about how hard it would be to draw a humanoid character when he doesn't have A FLIPPIN NOSE

89 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

#2

I'm still so shocked that people really like my previous headcanons for Hancock, Deacon, and Dogmeat so I guess to celebrate that and to challenge myself, I've got at least one for every character. It's not much for a few of them becuase I either never played with them all that much or I'm scared I won't get their personality quite right, but I hope I did well! Enjoy!

Hancock

• Actually shrunk a few inches height wise from turning ghoul. He sometimes gets heated about it when someone teases him but gets a bit proud at a particular comeback when he remembers Nick teasing him by asking if he was missing a few inches to which he replied "not where they count".

Dogmeat

• You ever hear stories about the family dog adopting a kitten and the kitten is now the dogs cat, nit the familys cat? Well he does this. He's so guilty of bringing home random animals. Hes brought home an abandoned Yao guai cub, baby ravens, radstags fawns, and countless cats and mongrels have followed him home.

Deacon

• Because of his crazy schedule and sometimes having to change plans or get ready and go at the drop of a cap, he has mastered the art of falling asleep anywhere, anytime, and recharging as if he's gotten a full eight hours. For example, leaning aginst the wall in the catacombs of the church while Tom tells him about a new conspiracy, he's dead asleep behind his sunglasses and only wakes up when Drummer Boy comes running in saying Sole fucked some shit up and needs help. He just pops up like he wasn't just dreaming about rafting in the stream around Sanctuary with a fruity drink in his hand and he's out the door.

Cait

• Secretly loves to be pampered, to be treated how she heard other girls would be treated growing up. If Sole offered to brush knots and mats out of her hair after a spat, she will act offended out of fear at first. Fear of Sole snatching the comb through her hair like her mother would, just to get it done and out of her way. She fights hard to not let out a small tear when Sole helps her feel beautiful and not a burden after her hair is smooth and taken care of.

• Treats curie like a "dumb little sister" but loves her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the world.

• Has a habit of flirting with anyone or anything out of habit of trying to stay alive by flattery. As she starts to get to know the crew, she begins to mean the compliments a bit more.

Piper

• Loves sugary things because it's what her dad would give her when he got back from scavenging. He would get lucky every once in a while and find someones stash and would have plenty of treats for his girls for a few weeks to hold them over. And with Sole as her new closest friend, she now has someone else besides Nat to spoil.

• She is consittered insane by most people becuase she actually enjoys the spinning feeling that you get from drinking.

• Has gotten in the habit of scrapping every camera she can find for good parts and film for Nat. While her specialty is written words for her paper, Nat has taken up the hobby of photography and is sometimes comissioned by her sister. She's pretty good at it.

Curie

• Though she knows the new plants may be dangerous to her now that she's out of the vault and only has knowledge of their previous ancestry, she enjoys picking a few extra specimens and presses them between the pages of a thick book for herself. For research purposes of course.

MacCready

• Because of his friendship with a particular vault dweller growing up in the capital wasteland, he steers way clear of any vaults he would be coming across according to his maps. He knows the vault he grew up next to was bad but with the stories he's heard, he's not going to take his chance with ANY of them.

• Once Sole comes back from Far Harbor and lets him try Vim Quartz, he's hooked. Reminds him of the bubblegum and other candies him and his friends would bet with back at little Lamplight. Even gives off a soft glow like the lights his old home had. Over all, punches him with so much nostalgia.

• (This one is more Duncan than Mac but its close enough) After Duncan is cured and comes to live in one of the settlements with his dad, he would get curious like all little kids and ask about the carved toy solider that Sole has. After they tell him what it is and how it's special becuase his mom gave it to his dad and then to them, they give it to the little boy and asked him to take good care of it becuase it means so much to so many people. MacCready will feel so much love (your choice, platonicly or romanticly) for Sole just from this one interaction alone and will have no doubt that those 250 caps that were used to hire him were the best Sole had ever spent.

• After becoming close friends with Sole, he will allow them to call him Bobby. The only person to call him that since Lucy.

• Will sometimes have little competitions like makeshift shooting ranges or foot races with Sole to see who would have to cook dinner that night.

• Definitely trained Dogmeat to grab him a new drink when his current one is empty

Danse

• Will never admit it, but he can't swim all that well. He can float and make a pretty good show of it as if hes swimming by choice, but he's not doing laps at a decent speed anytime soon.

X6-88

• Though he knows he's made to do one thing and one thing only, he takes pride in his look, particularly his hair. He claims it's for intimidation but he secretly loves having a sharp hairline he edges himself when he's off duty. Would love to be bold and try something new but always looses the nerve. Why fix what isn't broken?

Nick

• No matter how old someone is, if he's escorting someone through a rough place, he will take off his coat and drape the bottom half over someone shoulders and hold the rest up over their view so they don't see past him. He can't quite remember, but he thinks it's an old habit from his detective days, protecting people from paparazzi and news reporters as well as crime scenes.

See the full post

201 notes - Posted June 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Do you have hc about Hancock?? :D

I feel so honored to get this ask becuase im just all in my feels and hyperfixation right now and not by any means an actual fallout blog so here's these few headcanons that I threw together from my personal fics. If anything is confusing, let me know and I'll explain it better 😅

• In his line "Hey. Rads over here. Not for the softskinned", he says softskinned instead of anything like "smoothskin" becuase its, well, a slur in the context some ghouls say it, and also because he is consittered a new age ghoul and doesn't see the need to use such a word to describe someone if it has such negativity attached to it. Especially since it's only been a decade or so since he's been a ghoul.

• Because of his friendship with MacCready and hearing Mac's second hand stories from his Vault 101 friend back in the capital wasteland, he knows all too well of Vault-Tecs experiments in the different vaults. So when he meets the Sole Survivor and finds out what happened to them, he has even more of a reason to hate the company, a personal reason even.

• He LOVES pda in front of people like Pre-BB Danse, X6-88, etc, just to watch them squirm.

• You can pry this from my cold, dead hands, but you can still see a glimer of his concept art blue eyes under the blacked out part from a specific angle in specific lighting. He doesn't notice it until someone who he trusts enough to get that close tells him. He gets a bit warm and fuzzy but doesn't know why.

• (I read that Fahrenheit isn't his daughter in Canon, just in coding terms, so imma run with it) Even though Fahrenheit isn't his daughter he treats her as such. They met when she was young and he took care of her, basically saving her life. So out of loyalty and to repay a debt he constantly tells her doesn't exist, she took up the job of body guard. That and he taught her to play chess as a kid to get her mind off of bad things and that's why when she first meets Sole, she constantly makes chess references.

• He hates the irony that his new identity first name is also John. As much as he wants to forget his old life and name, it's still a bigger annoyance in his mind than he'd like.

• Becuase of being a ghoul, he's a lot warmer than youd think. So much so, sometimes sleeping in a settlement that has cats, he would wake up with one or more on his chest asleep with him.

• He used to hang out in the dinner above Diamond City, the one you have to parkour up to in-game, and do chems in secret away from everyone.

• (This may be something from my personal game becuase as soon as I sent him to a settlement, he started farming without me telling him to do so) He would work at the farm in Diamond city to get money for his chems.

• Loves loves loves leading people on when they think he's an older ghoul and ask what life was like prior to the bombs. "I'm telling you man, deathclaws used to be tiny. Teenage boys would keep them as pets. Feed 'em those little fish from the can. Their bites? Wouldn't even pierce the skin!"

• Even though he "gets around", he is so very touch starved. Like a close friend or significant other hugging him, touching his hands, straightening his clothes, even stealing his hat, he just melts on the inside.

• He knows Nick from his time in Diamond City. Loved to annoy the old synth as a kid and consitters Nick one of his only friends growing up.

216 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[omiscurls]

hi! (this request is heavily inspired by a kdrama i just watched called sweet home lmao) could i request a childe x gn reader fic where childe and the reader r both severely injured and the reader had to kill someone for self defense and as theyre running away the reader feeling super guilty is like “i’m so terrible i killed someone” and childe is trying to comfort them and they find a place to rest while being both on the verge of death and the reader is like “i killed someone, i’m so scared that it’ll be my last memory”and the childe is like “try to forget abt it it’s ok” and the reader is like “u don’t think abt either too” (yk implying like oh don’t think abt the ppl you’ve killed before childe, bc im assuming he’s killed a lot of ppl) and he’s like ok with a sad smile and they die together in each other’s arms holding hands?)/?:))2 help this is wayyy to detailed i’m sry but if u want the reference scene it’s from this video , they show the specific scene in time stamps 0:57-2:56 again i’m so sorry if this is too detailed or if u don’t wanna write it!!! tysm <3

memory

a/n oh my god that is just my kind of angst, thanks for the request and i hope you'll enjoy!!

prompt: honestly? dying with tartaglia (that sounds like a creepy tv show's title and i'm proud of it)

contains: tartaglia

warnings: angst, death, blood, major character death, self-blame, murder, more blood, really a lot of dying and bleeding, please do not proceed if you're not comfortable with the topics

adrenaline was probably the last string that had your body moving and functioning in any way. the blood in your veins made you deaf, only capable of noticing the sounds of it pumping behind your ears, head pulsing like a bomb about to explode.

your whole body shook, and you felt a metallic taste on your tongue, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent throwing up, which you predicted would happen in a matter of seconds.

"hey!" you finally heard childe yell, sounding distant even still, when you lifted your gaze away from the body before you and noticed he was standing fairly close. "come on, move, or his buddies" he said pointing to the lifeless man beneath you "might just come to get revenge"

with that he took your arm by the waist and pulled you along with him.

you stumbled over your own feet, and almost fell down every couple of minutes. your lungs started to burn after mere seconds, and you couldn't even find breath to tell him to slow down. you also knew he couldn't, having better self-preservation instincts than you, he understood the situation you two were in better.

fuck.

you looked behind you, to the spot where blood painted the grass red under a pile of dead bodies, some of your allies, some of your foes, but from this kind of distance, you couldn't even make out which one was which. your gaze fell down to your hands, covered in sticky redness as well.

you just killed somebody.

it wasn't even the consequences that frightened you, it was the sheer act of life leaving his eyes before he fell down, of his pupils staring at you in one last beg for mercy before freezing like that for the eternity ahead, for how his body seemed to have gained weight in a matter of seconds, almost pulling you down with him. the ringing in your head got more intense as you choked on a strained sob.

"they're dead" you breathed out, making your partner laugh sarcastically.

"good guess" he answered, his grip on your arm loosening as the both of you climbed up a hill.

"no, you don't understand, they're- dead dead! i- i didn't think i-" you stumbled over your words, panic settling in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the situation.

"what, you didn't think that if you pierce a person through with a blade they're gonna die?" he asked rhetorically, back almost slamming against a tree, sliding down to the ground with a breath of relief. "fuck, looks like i got pierced, too" he noticed, looking down onto his side, the grey material of his uniform getting dark and sticky. he hissed, trying to lift it up, and gave up on his attempts, instead opting to look at you.

you didn't sit down, but kept staring forward with the most frightened expression he had ever seen you wear. eyes wide open as you searched for answers in thin air, hands shaking, moving up to cover your mouth.

“hey” he whispered way gentler than before, urging you to sit down in front of him “it’s okay, it was only self-defense. you did kill them, but you didn’t murder them or anything, it was kill or be killed”

his words held so much confidence in what he was saying, you almost felt comforted. he really did master the art of bending the truth to his liking, didn’t he?

“i did it, what if he was someone’s father, or brother, or whoever else, what if i just destroyed someone’s world? he was a human being just as much as i am, i had no right-“ you started relapsing into panic, hands gripping on your hair, head moving down to hide between your legs.

only then did tartaglia notice the huge wound right across the back of your thigh, and several others. fuck, he instantly thought, whoever did it knew what he was doing, cut you in a very specific place, with intent to kill.

he couldn’t even fight back the wave of anger coming crushing at him, but bit his lip instead of saying anything. there was no way the both of you could get to a safe place in time.

he used to be so passionate about continuing to live, normally he would’ve just throw you over his shoulder and run, until his legs gave out, but now, he didn’t even have the energy to stand up. he barely could move his hand, and the more he tried to fight it, the more tired he became.

the feeling of helplessness was eating him alive, both from not having any way of providing you safety, and for not protecting you earlier, not to mention how he couldn’t find the right words to say to you now.

“listen” he started carefully, waiting for you to stop sobbing. “it’s painful, killing someone. it leaves a hole inside you that you don’t know how to cover. it makes your thoughts twist and fight back against you, it makes you want to leave your own head for how bad you feel. it sucks, believe me, i know. you didn’t deserve to have to feel this shitty. i’m- i’m sorry. for not shielding you well enough.” he said bluntly, not a hint of comfort or the usual beating around the bush that he used every time he intended to coax you. just pure, brutal truth. for once.

“it’s okay” you mumbled quietly. your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and you felt how it started to fall off its support. the numbness in your legs, this sort of stressful feeling of being constantly out of air- “i don’t want to die, though”

the sentence felt like a whimper, a cry of help, but tartaglia knew there was exactly nothing he could do.

“am i gonna die?” your voice felt a little stronger, laced with fear, and you lifted your eyes back onto him, in search of a “no” that you knew you wouldn’t find. “i’m gonna leave this world with killing a man as my last memory” you laughed bitterly, before laugh became a cry, and tears mixed with sweat on the surface of your cheeks. “that’s the worst fucking death i could ever imagine”

“baby, look at me” he asked calmly “come here”

when you moved to sit on his side, his hand, sticky from blood, intertwined its fingers with yours, and squeezed tightly.

“look. we’re sitting on a hill, under a tree, the sun is high up in the sky, a meadow below us, it’s a perfect date!” he laughed so authentically, you almost believed it was true. “we’re on a dream date, isn’t that amazing? and look.”

with that, he tilted your head towards his, and kissed you softly and shortly.

“i love you.” he said in the calmest manner he could force out “is that a better memory?”

you placed your head on his side, attempting to hug him even a little bit, tears staining his uniform even more.

“i don’t want to leave you.”

“i’ll be right behind you. guarding your back, like i always do. after all, i promised to always protect you, right? death won’t change my plans.”

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[chuuya-centric]

returning the favor

characters: chuuya nakahara, ranpo edogawa (generalized for both in the beginning, individualized under the cut)

genre: fluff, smut

warnings: afab reader, no pronouns used for reader, insecure ?? s/o, this is literally me just projecting my insecurities, smut obviously 🤨 its not like super explicit, n maybe a lil more comforting than anything <33

↬okay so like chuuya and ranpo w an s/o thats like always willing to go down on them n make them feel good yk 😩😫

↬but they end up feelin a lil guilty bc its all give n no receive on ur end 🤒 so they decide to ask u ab it next time u go down on them n whenever u were done they were like "hey do u want me return the favor ?"

↬and ur just like "what 😐" but that wasnt rlly the reaction they were expecting at all so they're like "????? wdym what i wanna make u feel good too ???????" so you're like "oh idrc lmao" or sth like that n yk by this point i'm sure theyve figured out ur (more than) a lil insecure

↬so they jus kinda drop it and dont bring it up until the next time u go to give them a bj n they stop u before u can do anything nd theyre like begging to go down on u bc they wanna make it all up to u n make u feel as good as u make them feel so u finally hesitantly agree and hnnbghhh

chuuya nakahara

↬chuuya wouldve realized u were insecure whenever he started thinkin ab all the times you'd given him head n he'd never returned the favor and he immiediately felt so shitty ab it :((

↬i dont think he'd like outright verbally address it ?? bc hes rlly bad with words, so like next time yall were making out n it started getting heated and u moved between his legs he stopped u almost instantly n flipped the positions or whatever so now he was in between ur legs and he's lookin up at u, and taking in ur reaction, n so when u dont say anything he'd whisper "is this okay?" n u just dumbly nod bc ur so taken aback by it n dont wanna hurt his feelings

↬but that doesn't slide at all w him, he needs you to verbalize ur consent. otherwise everything stops there

↬immiediately stops if u start crying and asks u what's wrong and if ur ok and u can hear the genuine concern in his voice n he would def think he did sth wrong <//3

↬and so you'd jus start crying harder but still try n be like "no im fine wdym" and yk hes obviously not buying it and would probably apologize tbh n he'd be like "i can stop if ur not enjoying it" :((( n he's looking just as nervous as u are cause he just rlly doesnt wanna fuck up or like make u feel pressured into anything

↬n u would have to explain to him it has nothing to do w him, ur just rlly insecure n by then the gears are def turning in his brain or whateva 💯 n he would like kiss ur forehead then the tip of ur nose then both of ur cheeks before finally giving u a rlly gentle kiss on ur lips and moving back between ur legs

↬but this time he like builds up to it yk hes covering ur thighs in kisses n telling u how pretty u r and ab how good u taste and just doing his best to be reassuring n eats u out rlly slowly

↬his aftercare would be so fucking sweet as well :(( he'd like clean u up w a warm rag before pulling u on top of him n coverin ur face in kisses n asking why someone as perfect as u was so insecure to begin with

—

ranpo edogawa

↬i think ranpo def realized u were rlly insecure early on but he never said anything ab it 🤨🤨

↬when he finally did he was absolutely insistent on going down on u then n there and u were like "yeah, but what if—" but he immiediately shut u the fuck up w a rlly sweet kiss before pulling away n lookin u dead in the eye and going "i just wanna make u feel as good as u make me feel"

↬and so u take a deep breath to steady urself before nodding in silent approval bc his words made u melt n he starts going to town on ur kitty bc hes rlly excited n eager to please 🙏

↬thats probably when he realizes that he should like slow down his pace as well so he presses a rlly gentle kiss against ur thigh n hes jus like "just tell me when to stop ok sweets ?" n u nod at him thru the tears before like he goes back to eating u out n praising u whenever he can and like coverin ur thighs in kisses n a handful of lovebites as well 🤒🙏

↬i think if u were to start crying he'd be genuinely confused (bc ur like actually perfect in his eyes and he legitimately doesnt understand why ur so insecure) n so he looks up at u like "r u okay ?? did i do sth wrong ???? whats wrong ??????" and u start crying even harder n he like immiediately starts showering u in praise and reassuring u to try to calm u down (the only way he rlly knows how)

↬afterwards he'd dry ur tears and cuddle u n tell u how good u tasted (much to ur embarrassment) and that u rlly shouldn't have anything to be insecure ab bc he'd fr spend hours between ur legs if u let him n that ur sweeter than any candy hes ever had </3

[soulwillower]

heather • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

[based off the song heather by conan gray]

requested:   OMG I HAVE AN IDEA IDK IF ITS GOOD AND IDK WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT CAN U DO A FIC WHERE LIKE ITS BASED OF YHE SONG HEATHER BY CONAN GRAY WHERE THE READER AND RICH HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR SO MANY YEARS AND HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACHOTHER BUT THERE BOTH SO OBLIVIOUS- SO WHEN RICHIE LIKE GETS A GF ONE DAY THE READER JUST WHSKWHDIWHWIW IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT LIKE AT THE END THEY REALIZE THEYRE IN LOVE. SORRY IF ITS TOK SPECIFIC. LOVE U. IM RUNNING OUTTA CHARACTERS 

warnings: swearing, mentions of underage drinking, themes of cheating but no actual cheating, angst, fluff at the end, unedited.

thank u guys so much for being so patient with this fic <3 love u all so much!

[losers + reader are  18+ in this.]

4.4k words

(also, this fic starts with a flashback and idk if i like this style, but lmk if it works) 

♡

the persistent beat thudding in your ears seems to do nothing more than dim your already low mood as you sip on lemonade by yourself in someone's basement bar, sitting on an uncomfortable metal barstool and leaning your head heavy against your chin.

these days, it seemed as though the world was painted in gray.

you look around almost lazily; bev and ben went outside in the snow a couple minutes ago, stan just took a girl upstairs - you're left alone now, because mike and eddie had to study for their exam and bill was feeling under the weather. and richie, as usual, was late.

there's almost twenty other people in the room right now, but you have no desire to speak to any of them. you've been trying to have fun tonight, but you're just having a hard time, feeling distracted and unable to stop thinking about wire framed glasses and a certain bright smile.

your wandering eyes halt your thoughts as a girl in your class - heather perez -  catches your eye from across the room, her hair falling in natural curls that makes you sigh in envy. she smiles and waves at you warmly, gesturing for you to come and sit with her. you swallow and look down into your cup of dreary, graying lemonade as you try not to think about how you look in comparison. she's so fucking pretty. you look back up and shake your head with a friendly smile, faker than a plastic flower, and nod to the bathroom. she shrugs and smiles, turning back around.

she was too sweet, it hurt.

her naturally dark hair, long and wavy, her smooth dark skin, her laugh.... but suddenly, your head snaps back up after recognizing a familiar sight on heather's figure.

-is that richie's sweater?

your heart thumps and churns in the most unsavory way as all the breath leaves your lungs in one swift exhale. you feel sick to your stomach and your hand falls to hit the counter to stabilize yourself, the lemonade sloshing out of the cup slightly. but you pay no mind. heather's wearing richie's sweater...

you know that sweater really well. it's definitely his, and for some reason that makes you want to cry.

you blink and force yourself to suck air into your lungs as you look around quickly, anywhere but at heather perez wearing richie tozier's sweater, with all the stripes and patterns and the rough polyester material. you're not sure why you're so caught off-guard, you knew that heather perez was maybe-kinda-sorta seeing your trashmouth. he'd mentioned it in passing a few times and you've not been able to keep it off your mind as bev and bill whisper to richie about it in the halls or during hangouts when you were laying in stan's lap pretending not to hear it.

it hurts, though. holy hell, does it hurt when richie turns the corner and the typical, 'hey, richie!' choruses through most of the people in the basement - and yet his eyes are just set on her.

it hurts even worse when you make eye contact with him and he smiles at you, nodding in greeting and calling a "hey there, toots!" over the thumping of the noise before turning back towards heather.

your heart thumps erradically as you eye him sliding an arm around her shoulders easily, pulling her into his tall lanky frame,  crushing your chest and deflating your trembling heart. heather's head falls onto richie's shoulder and you shiver, feeling colder than you've felt in so long. the lemonade you force to your lips tasting like stale water as the sight of richie pinching heather's shoulder and thumbing his own sweater on her frame make you feel empty.

even now, weeks later, you remember how it felt. you sip on the boiling tea and immediately burn your tongue, making you swear as you stare out your window, the snow falling around your house in the dark making you feel an odd, empty kind of peace. that fucking sweater.

you haven't talked to richie in almost a week and a half - he got in trouble the night after the party and his parents took his phone away - at eighteen years old, his parents took his phone - so that he could 'spend time with family' (a task that made you chuckle to yourself when bill had explained it to you about twelve days ago).

it's winter break, though, and you've been missing the last piece of your eight-person puzzle the last few times you've hung out with your friends. it feels empty without richie's boisterous shenanigans, snarky looks and goofy comebacks... you feel really embarrassed for missing him so deeply.

tears well up in your eyes as you think again about his damn sweater, the one that heather was wearing, the same one he'd given you not even three weeks prior.

"well look at you." richie says with amusement trickling through his voice like melting icewater through a calm creek.  you spin towards him with a grin eclipsing your face as you shrug around his sweater, pretending not to smell his strong scent and pretending not to feel the immediate comfort it gives you.

"you know, for as dumb as it looks, i kind of like it." you tease, brushing some hair back from your eyes as the sweater sleeves fall back down past your hands. he laughs, eyes not leaving you for a second.

"shit, doll. keep it." he says, sounding serious. it makes you pull a face at him, starting to lift it slightly over your head to return it to its rightful owner.

but he shakes his head, hands gently gripping your arms and halting your motions, subsequently setting your heart on fire. his lips are set in a gentle grin as he shakes his head again. "it looks so much better on you."

it's spoken simply, in such honestly that it makes you blush nearly immediately. in fact, you're so flustered that all you can do is shove him a bit, stuttering out a quiet, "shut up, richie, you- i - okay, whatever."

it makes him chuckle as he takes the soft blow of your hands against his shoulders, deftly running his hands through his curly locks as he shakes his head. "you're adorable, kid."

you're lucky he'd turned around to gripe around on his messy bed for his laptop, because the stupid grin you're sure is painting your face is enough to make you dig your own grave and then hand him the shovel. if only he knew how much you liked him.

you didn't keep the sweater after that night, though. at the time, you'd told him it was because it was putrid; that the colors and patterns were a sin to man and that you'd never be caught dead wearing it out. he laughed the whole time because you had literally worn it to the store with him it with him that same day. but now, you'd give anything for richie to give you that sweater again, to feel that polyester inseam fall against your stomach and your arms and chest, like a huge richie hug (without all the bones and the cologne and the caffeine-pulsing heartbeat - so not a real richie hug, but as close as you could get to the real thing without actually just having it).

god, you like him too much. you rub your face with your palm, the moisture from the tears that had accidentally escaped your eyes smudging against your face. you're tired, almost - it's like an empty, heartbroken exhaustion that sags your shoulders and chokes your throat and makes you zone out for minutes at a time. one thought overwhelms you right now, so as you see a car's headlights shine out your window through the falling snow, you don't even notice it.

you just wish you were heather.

you've tried to hate her. really, you have - you figured maybe, just maybe, if you were able to rant to bev or eddie about how much of a bitch heather is, how she's terrible to richie and how boring she was, maybe you could justify the heartbreak in your chest.

but god, she's so perfect. heather, with her shiny hair, bright smile, her flawless mind and caring heart. she's, as far as you're concerned, an angel. of course richie would choose heather, who wouldn't?

the other day at that party, you'd tried your hardest to ignore your intrusive thoughts, but you can't help feeling like it would all be better if heather didn't exist. and even that thought alone hurts your heart, because you remember the smile on richie's face when he looked at her, swathed in his sweater and floating around the room like a beacon of light.

and you could never, ever in good conscience take that from richie.

you almost laugh at how absurd it is - now you're talking to yourself while you stare out the window, half asleep, dreaming of freckles placed just like constellations and crooked noses, of jawlines that jut out and long, lanky fingers; of loud, chipping laughter and beat up high-tops with cuffed corduroy pants.

"y/n?" a voice behind your door makes you jump a bit, unsettling your already disconcerted bones. you’re imagining him, now? you laugh into your scalding mug for a second, but after a double-take at the doorway you find the angel himself to be standing there with a perplexed look.

"richie, what're you doing here?" you ask, rubbing your eye to make sure no tears are left. he looks troubled. "i knocked, but nobody answered. so..." he says with a shrug, and you ned, tucking a leg under yourself and nodding.

"what are you doing, toots?" he asks, backlit by the hallway light. and then you finally can see what he's wearing, and you almost laugh at your own misery.

but you don’t laugh, your brain short-circuiting as you feel the knife twist further into your abdomen. the stupid fucking sweater.

“-um, nothing. y- did you get that back from heather?” you try to deliver the line as smoothly as possible, but by the look on his face, you did a real shit job at that.

“what?” he asks in an exhale as he shakes snowflakes from his hair and shoulders, closing your door as he walks towards you and falls to sit next to you on your windowsill seat.

“i thought you gave her that sweater.” you say and he raises a brow, “yeah, like two weeks ago.” he says slowly, eyeing you. he adds, “she obviously didn’t need it after that.”

you frown, “did she need it then?” you didnt try to sound bitter at all, but your voice comes with more of a sting than you’d anticipated.

as always, richie meets fire with fire. “it was twenty fuckin’ degrees out, she was wearing a tank top.”

you don’t know what to say so you just stare out the window with a quick huff, crossing your arms. "why does it matter? it's a sweatshirt." he mutters. "i was just being nice to her."

you nod, pain twisting around in your stomach. he's right, it's just a sweater. but he gave it to her, because he likes heather better.

“what’s up with you, kid?” he asks, gentler this time.

“don’t call me kid, richie.” you say sharply, not meeting his eyes. “and there’s nothing up with me.” you know you’re being difficult, but you really don't have the energy to argue with him right now.

it’s quiet again, and the silence is even more awkward. you take another scalding sip of your tea. 

“um, y/n... is this because of heather?” he says after a bit. you feel the tension that the acknowledgment brings as it hits you in the thick, cold air. richie’s tapping a rhythm on his thigh, so you can tell he feels it too.

"richie." you say weakly, your voice coming out too quiet, too obviously broken and exhausted. "i cannot do this. please don't do this right now"

he blinks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "sugar, i'm so lost right now."

you decide to change the subject. "-why'd you come over?" you ask, actually looking at him then immediately regretting it. he looks hurt and confused, like a lost puppy.

"oh. um, i just need to tell you something.it's about heather, too." he sounds anxious, and you roll your eyes, looking down at the tree outside your room as wind blows powdery white mounds off its branches.

“can this just wait until tomorrow?” you whisper. doesn't he get it?

it's quiet and for a moment you believe that he's going to leave it, to not bring up the obvious jealousy brewing in your chest. but he breaks the silence too soon.

"i tried to kiss her." he says and you immediately look towards the door, the most immediate escape possible. 

your breathing gets heavy; if you have to hear this, you know you'll admit your feeling to richie, and you don't want to do that to him. but you have a suspicion that he already knows.

"richie, i'm so, so glad to see you. and that you like heather. really, i am. but- it's not a good time. i'm not- i'm not okay." you say, voice thick as tears well behind your eyes.

richie’s eyes widen almost comically as you make eye contact and his hands immediately find purchase on your arms, his thumbs rubbing in the way that he has done ever since that one foggy summer you spent in the sewers. "y/n/n, what's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, watching sadly as a tear slips from your cheek. it breaks your heart when he calls you sweetheart, and you shake your head.

you can't tell him the truth - that you love him, so instead, you mumble, "i've missed you. there's a lot going on, and i just really need you."

he looks guilty as he pulls you into a warm hug, one that takes you off guard but that you return gratefully. "you've been too busy spending time with heather and with your parents, and i understand that, i just - you know, i miss you." you say, voice muffled as your cheek is squished into his shoulder. he sighs shakily, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “i know i’ve been with her a lot, i’m sorry sugar.” he mutters. 

it feels like you’re both holding something back from the other. 

"i wish i were heather." you say against his shoulder, knowing richie’s completely unaware of the depth of your statement. but he pulls back and stares at you, an unknown look on his face. you open your mouth to say something, but you're cut off before you can get anything out.

and his lips fall against yours lightly, almost as if they’re ghosts against yours. his presence feels fleeting. 

you barely close your eyes and press closer to him before you snap out of it, jerking backwards with wide eyes.

richie’s eyes fall open too as he looks at you questioningly. your heart is thumping heavy as you shake your head, more shocked than you thought ever possible. “what?” he asks, as if he’s surprised you’re not kissing back.

you give him a sad, broken look. you think you’ll cry as you mutter, "why would you ever kiss me? i'm not - i'm not nearly as pretty as her, i'm just-"richie suddenly looks like he might get sick, his face paler than usual as the steam from your tea dwindles idly between you. he cuts you off. "-why are you - why are you saying all these things y/n/n-”

“heather. you like heather.” you say frantically, trying to remind him so you dont have to live through this fresh faced heartbreak twice as painful if he kisses you again. 

but richie shakes his head, and your confusion skyrockets just as much as your heartbeat."no. a-amy asked her out." he says breathlessly. "-she said yes."

you blink, pulling even further away as it dawns on you. "wait. so... so you only want to see me after the girl you wanted finds someone else?" you ask, watching as the smile gets smacked off of richie's face so quickly you think it may give him whiplash. "wait, no-" he starts, but you shake your head.

“richie, do you understand how hurtful that is?” you say, voice heavy as you try not to let tears fall.

he shakes his head, eyes glossing with tears as he gapes at you, “n-no, y/n-“

“fuck, richie. i know you know about my feelings for you. how could you do this? i’m not heather, i’m reminded that every time i’m in the same room as the two of you. she’s had you completely mesmerized for the last month, you can’t just use me to distract yourself.” you say, your tea completely forgotten as a tear escapes your eye.

he shakes his head, looking at you with an emotion you don’t have the energy to decipher. “leave, richie.” your voice is broken and it shakes as you look away from him.

you’re not sure what you were expecting, but when richie stands up silently you dont even look away from the window. you see him wipe his cheek in your peripheral before he sighs quietly and walks out of your room, shutting the door quietly.

you cry openly as you hear your door shut downstairs, your hands shaking as you cover your face, your shoulders shaking with sobs. you make it under your covers just as you hear a car engine sputter outside, your heart empty and lips still tingling as the feeling of richie’s lips linger on yours. you groan into your pillow and let out another sob, your eyes squeezing in agony as your heart feels like it’s ripping in two.

because even if they’re not together, richie still likes her.

why couldn’t you be heather?

you cry until you’re asleep, your now cold mug of tea resting on the windowsill as your phone charges next to you and snow swirls in the dark sky.

when you wake up the next morning, your headache is nearly blinding. you feel like crying more as you remember last night. you roll over and rub your eyes, unlocking your phone groggily.  

but you check your notifications and your heart immediately stops as you see a missed call from richie at 3:49 in the morning last night, and a voicemail left a minute later.

well, you guess he got his phone back.

your fingers tremble as they hover above the play button, feeling like you may vomit from anxiety - the message he left is two minutes long.

closing your eyes, ready for even more heartbreak, you press play and hold the speaker to your ear.

“um, y/n.” the voicemail starts off, and you’re already tearing up because richie’s voice is full to the brim with anxiety and he’s not using his usual nicknames for you. 

“uh... okay, i- i know it’s four in the morning, and you’re probably asleep - god, i hope you are, and that you’re not ignoring me. not that i dont deserve it, but i just want you to get good rest. uh, a-anyways. fuck,” there’s an awkward pause and you’re holding your breath.

“you know i’m not good with phone calls or voicemails-“ his rambling just adds to your anxious feeling, but you think if you don’t listen to this, your anxiety would eat you alive.

“- fuck, i don’t know how to say this. kind of ironic, i guess, since i’ve been thinking about saying it like every day for probably more than a year- okay, i’m... god, spit it out, trashmouth.” his voice gets thicker and you can hear the emotion as he takes a shallow breath.

“y/n/n, you make my hands shake. i swear, my heart feels like it’s going to backfire and explode when we touch... and it scares me so fucking bad.” you feel your heart halt in your chest, the air leaving your lungs.

you keep the phone pressed tightly to your ear as richie’s recorded voice goes on.

“-fuck, y/n. i’m terrified. sometimes i think.... like, whoever created me... they designed me just to be yours. and... it’s not in the same way i feel about bev, or bill, or eddie-“ his voice breaks as he sniffs on the other end and it dawns on you that he’s crying. “-you’re you. you’re y/n. i tried to like heather as more than just a friend. but...” it’s silent for a second.

“i just kept comparing her to you. i do that with everybody. i think i’m broken. i love you so much that it hurts.” he’s crying enough by now that it’s leaking into his speech; he’s hiccuping, stuttering slightly, his inflection changing as you can almost picture the tears rolling off his thick eyelashes and onto his rosy cheeks.

“-and i can’t sleep right now knowing that i hurt you like this. i can’t believe that i let you think of yourself as lesser than heather in any way-“ he sobs quietly in the recording and takes a stuttering breath. "i can’t believe i put myself before you. i’m such a shitty friend. i should’ve been giving you my stupid fucking sweaters the whole time.”��

tears are pouring out of your eyes as you sit up, ripping the comforter off your legs. you’re pulling on socks and your shoes as you continue to listen to richie’s voicemail.

“i’m sorry that i kissed you, and i’m sorry that i dragged you into this m-mess, that i used heather as an excuse to ignore my feelings for you. i-i love you so fucking much, and i’m just so scared of hurting you. i’m so sorry that i hurt you, y/n.”

you have to see him.

“-and, um, i’m sorry i left this voice message. this is probably the worst way to find this out but i figured that it would be easier for us to ignore if it wasn’t in person- y’know, because you don’t have to respond. just- now you know. that i’m sorry, and that i don’t expect you to forgive me or want to speak to me for a while. i just- i need you to know that you’re so loved, y/n. and that you deserve so much better than me.

“so, um, okay. i’ll let you sleep now. b-bye.” he whispers the end and then the line cuts dead.

you’re left with shaking breath and tears in your eyes as his voice rings in your head. you try to take in what he’s just said, but you think you’re about to pass out.

how can richie love you back?

you brush your teeth almost aggressively as your heart beats erratically in your chest and then you’re suddenly flying down the snowy road towards the tozier’s house.

you realize too late that you look completely awry, hair unbrushed, eyes puffy and swollen, shoes untied as you knock on the front door of richie's house.

went opens the door, richie’s younger sister sat on his hip as he smiles at you, "y/n! long time no see. richie's upstairs in his room."

you smile at him in thanks, too rushed to say anything to him or munch. then you’re all but sprinting up the stairs, only feeling the anxiety as you throw open the door to his bedroom. 

you're relieved that he's laying in his bed, surrounded by pillows and fluffy comforters as he jumps from the noise of your arrival.

when he sits up, neither of you say anything. his eyes are red and rimmed with tears, a heartbreaking sight as his lower lip trembles slightly. you're sure you look the same as you take a step towards his bed, your eyes not leaving each other's for a second.

he looks incredible, still. 

"y/n..." he whispers finally, his eyes wide. "did you get my message?" he says, lips tilting in a stupid, forced smile. his voice holds no humor in it's sad thickness, though, and you sigh as you look down to the carpet.

you shake your head, "can you not joke for a minute, rich?"

he laughs wetly, standing up fully and although he towers at 6'0, he looks so small. "i can try, doll, but then i'll start to cry a lot, and that's just not what anybody wants-"

"richie." you say, effectively ceasing his rambling. it's cold in his room, bright white from the snow outside, and silent. he looks at you with huge eyes and a red nose.

but you don't know what to say. you’ve spent so long wanting to be heather, but now you've found out that richie's loved you this whole time. it hurts, but you can't wait another second being away from richie. 

you launch yourself towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your mouth.

this time, the kiss is warm, unexpected again but much more loving. it's a kiss that tastes like tears and love and trust, and all you can feel is richie as his hands find purchase on your cheek and back, pulling you so close to him that you can feel is rapid heartbeat.

he pulls back to mumble against your lips, "i'm so sorry." you shake your head, pressing another kiss to his and loving the feeling of richie against you finally. "i love you." you say, feeling his grin against your mouth.

"i love you so much." he says, pulling you lightly to fall onto his bed with him and tickling your sides.

you laugh lightly, swatting at his prodding fingers. "please stop crying." he whispers, laying above you with a small smile. you roll your eyes, "you stop crying rich." you retort, and he shakes his head, one of his tears falling onto your cheek. you jump from the feeling and wipe it away, sniffling a gasp and pulling him into a tight hug, his legs tangling with yours.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles. you cup his cheeks so his lips pucker out and you smile at him, whispering, “i forgive you, rich. i love you.” and then you place a soft kiss to his lips and he kisses you back enthusiastically.  he pulls back and hugs you again, burrowing himself in your neck. 

"i didn't think i'd ever get you." he says, muffled by his face in your shoulder. "thank you for trusting me. i love you so much." he kisses your collarbone lightly and your fingers play through his curls lightly as you smile, eyes closing. you're so tired.

"i love you more, richie."

you fall asleep with richie curled up beside you, his breath light on your chest and arms clutching you against him. you fall asleep with richie’s lips on your neck, his legs entangled with yours. 

you fall asleep contently, knowing that you no longer have to wish you were heather.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings​ @stenbrozier​ @simplesammyx​   @brxken-heartsclub​ @clownsloveyou​ @moon-shine-baby​ @daughter-of-the-stars11  @trashedfortozier​ @oceandog13​ @finnskindofwoman  @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters  <33

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps