#like why do you wanna listen to 20 seconds of a song?? and not the whole thing???

[mokeonn]

I am honestly still absolutely flabbergasted that those "Gorillaz without the rap" videos exist. Like bro I just don't think you like Gorillaz at that point.

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

baby come back

♡ STEVE HARRINGTON'S MASTERLIST ♡

❁ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❁

This is a sequel to "Careless Whisper"

✧ Summary : they say "you should leave all the past behind" but what if they deserve a second chance?

✧ Word Count : it might be long but I hope it's worth it

✧ Warnings : 18+ MDNI‼️ Past!Ex-Boyfriend!King Steve! Harrington x FEM!reader, eventual smut, cursing, mentions of bad household, complicated father & son relationship, slight emotion invalidation & misogyny, cheating, separated parents, alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking, child neglect, trauma, intense confrontations, fluff, angst, not giving away anything! don't wanna give you guys ideas 🤭

✧ What to Expect : ANGST, FLUFF AND SMUT‼️reader will be so unsure of him but she'll get there ;)) I promise this will so fast paced, the story goes back to present and past!

✧ Note To Reader : YOOOO y'all making me inspire to write more for Steve! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT omg- even it's just small numbers of recognition is enough for me 🥺🫶🏻✨

✧ Author Note : I literally tried to think of a better song to associate the next part and my god- my brain was like zapping up to Baby Come back and I was like "THAT'S IT!" 🤩🙌🏻

"Henderson, I already told you not to wipe your feet on the inside of my car"

"Must've slipped off my mind"

"I've been your chaperone- wait a second- I'm your goddamn babysitter for the past 3 years!"

"Just step on it, already!"

"Remind me why I'm being friends with you" Steve turns on the engine of his car and held onto the steering wheel

"It's because I'm a great person"

Steve chuckles as he shakes his head but a fond smile is evident on his lips

"What time should I pick you up?"

"The usual"

Dustin talks about his night yesterday after school with the whole segment of the D&D Campaign, while listening as he kept his eyes on the road, I think he could make a word count on how many times he mentioned Eddie

Steve watches his young friend steps outside of his car, "Okay, see ya"

He's heading on his way to Family Video, where she meets Robin sitting on the front stairs

"What are you doing?" He asks as he gets outside of his car and puts his keys inside of of his pocket

"I guess, we're both too early, too early that Kevin hasn't even arrived yet" Robin stood up as she walks closer to Steve

Steve looked behind him, there's a new diner in town that he hasn't been it yet

"Wanna go there and eat some breakfast?" He nudge his head on the facility that he's looking at

Robin follows his gaze and clasps both of her hands together "Let's go, I'm getting bored here for waiting"

Once they get inside, the smell of brewed black coffee invades both of their noses and the sweet scent of pancakes and waffles

Robin already got an eye on the waitress who is serving some delicious fully packed breakfast plate, she swore that she is drooling over it and it made Steve chuckle

Steve is always been a pancake and bacon kind of a guy, he likes the combination of sweet and salty, so, that's where he is aiming for

Both of them saw a table that is near to window, they sat together across from each other

The male waiter was about to gave them menu's but they dismissed it

He nods gladly as he calls someone else to fill up their order

"Hello, goodmorning, what's your order-"

"Hi, can I get-"

Oh my fucking god

Holy fuck

It's you

His mind is going ablazes because he pretty much knew himself that he has a 20/20 vision

But at this time? All of his insides are overheated

He hasn't seen you since....the prom

Fuck, the memories starts to take him back

You just finished your last school year on that history that you both happened before and you move out of the school

Not only moved out of school, but you also left the town, Hawkins Indiana

Yes, you left.... without sparing him a single word about your departure

The town that you've never wouldn't have thought you could ever get back to

But, this is your hometown where you truly grew up in

You only decided to comeback since

You got homesick

You missed your family, that's why you take the chance to finally be with them

Temporarily

You clear your throat, you try to mask up your expression as you completely forgotten his companion that you briefly glanced and you noticed her confused look at you

She darts back and forth on you and Steve

You remained civilized, "What can I get for you?"

You say softly as you clicked your pen and holding up your notepad

He blinks as he takes a deep breath, "Uh- Pancake and Bacon and Coffee"

Damn, you wished there's a machine to mind sweep your entire memory of him

You still remember it

He still eats the same way

"Okay, um, should I bring creamer and sugar?"

"Yes, please"

Shit, he still makes his coffee the same way too

Fuck, fuck, fuck

Who in the right mind that you chose to have your vacation here?

When you could do it somewhere else

You trust yourself too much that you thought you won't be able to see this familiar face again

You nod but you can feel his eyes on you

You look incredible

Of course, he'll take every chance to look at you

You cut your hair shorter, you even changed it into different shade of color, your natural dark brown is gone, it turned into more lighter brown

The wavy length and the bangs looks so perfect on you is shaping your face that he still does love until now

You dress so differently now too, he could tell by your silver rings and....

A piercing? You have three earlobes now

He adores how you wear your makeup, not too flashy but it enhances your features

He is delighted to see your face again, he never thought that the universe will give him another glimpse of you even is just like this

A part of him that made him sad for a sec, it's understandable that you changed your whole appearance

You changed because you want to forget who you were before

You have to remove every single thing about how you look that reminded of him

Maybe in another life....

You're happy together

You motion to Robin who is still absolutely puzzled from the not so obvious look of recognition form the both of you

She could already tell that is something is deep between the two of you

Before she tells her order, he catches Steve who is not even afraid to gape on you, he's not even trying to hide it until she spoke up and he heard her voice

He got shy all of the sudden and runs his fingers through his hair

"The Breakfast meal?"

"Yeah, right that one"

"A drink along with that?"

"Oh, a cup of coffee too as well"

You nod as you clicked back your pen as you tear off the paper from your notepad

"It'll be ready in a minute" you say, you offer the both of them with a small smile as you finally take your leave

Robin leans forward with her hands together, "Okay, what was that?"

"What?" He acts clueless, he knows Robin won't drop the scenario that just happened

Robin chuckles in amusement "Well, you tell me" she nudges her head to you

He glances at you with those eyes, you can still freaking feel them on you

You start cleaning the table and picked up the tip from a another customer

"Robs-"

"Don't you dare "Robs" me and don't you ever lie to me" she throws her hands up as she raises both of her eyebrows at him

He sighs as he scratches the back of his neck

"Do I really need to tell you?" He shuts his eyes for a second as he takes a deep breath

"Uh yeah? Because that look it isn't something that is far beyond that you just know the person"

"You knew her"

She leans backward as she crosses both of her arms

She can't even tell if she just struck off a nerve or offended him

"I'm just messing with you, dingus, it's okay-"

"No-No, it's just-" he exhales

"it's been a while since I saw her" he speaks in a voice that his bestfriend couldn't ever expected to hear

It sounds so broken, it increases her pique of interest even more

What happened?

"I hesitated because-" he looks at her with guilty eyes "I think you're not going to look at me in the same way ever again"

Robin listens intently as she gestures her to keep going

"I am here to reassure you that I'm not going to judge you"

"I did something bad in the past, Robin, but I've changed"

"We all have done something wrong in our lives, Steve, the right way to do is to face it, hold yourself accountable for it, and learn from it, but that doesn't make you a bad person"

He looked at you again, you are now serving someone else a vanilla milkshake

"Yeah, you're probably right, but to her? I am"

Flashback to 1986

He spent all of his allowance that his father gave to him

All of his money going out all night in the town

The prom was one month ago

One month ago

He trying to do anything to get you out of his mind

He drank a lot of alcohol and gets drunk most of the time

But when the morning comes, it felt like he needs to start it all over again

He realizes that trying to forget you, it's just a waste of time

He wants you to come back, he needs you to come back

He'll do anything for it

Anything at all

He knows it won't be easy

He angrily crumpled and tear off all of the pictures that he had with his friends

Friends that aren't not even real

He knows that you're right about him, it's just his own stubborn mind who refuses it

He hates himself

No, scratch that, he loathes himself for becoming like this

His mom's words were very dear to him even it's just a simple phrase

"Don't try to be something that you're not"

Don't be a fucking people pleaser

Now, he got the point why you don't like these titles at school

The social cliques at the campus

It's also his own fault that he got into this

He wanted to be somebody

Even it hurts people that he loves the most

So, that same morning, he is so determined to be different this next coming school year

He trashed everything that upsets him, he even ditched some of his varsity jackets, all of his trophies he put them all in a case and placed them on the attic

Everyone is going crazy how he acted so differently at school

He just rolls his eyes at it, god, now he really fucking gets it why you're so ick to this

"They're so overdramatic at this stuff, I mean- what's the damn point?!?" your voice echoes to his mind

That's where he retired of being King Steve

Everytime he heard someone mentioning it, he just grimaces, winces and even cringed at it

He doesn't even Iike to be called on that name anymore

Sure, he is still good at his academics and sports but now ever since he pulled that "dropping his title" at school?

He is now getting the treatment of true colors

Now, he is out of that barrier of being on the top popular guy at school

His eyes and mind opened at your perspective

He can see it why, fuck, that adds more salt to the wound

He cannot even blame anyone for making him being this way

Maybe, high school is tough that's why he did it

But then, he notices a pattern of events on his life

Fuck, he is just like his father

He rarely visits the house and just talking about his work and didn't gave him a chance to speak what is going with his only son

He never paid attention, never even cared, not even felt any affection to him

But when he does, he just snaps at him, and tell him that being emotional is weak

Having feelings are weak?

How fucked up is that?

So, he kept his mouth shut even though he wanted to yell at his father

The only parent that he felt being loved is his own mom

His mom that left them both behind, he can still remember it

Because why?

His father cheated on her too

It's like a damn cycle, it making him violently vomit at the thought of it,

History repeats itself

He made a promise to himself that he won't ever be like his father

But, he already done it and it angers him even more

"Hey, Steve" he opens and locks the door behind him

Not "Hey, son" am I even your son? He thinks to himself as he keeps his eyes on the television his own father doesn't even noticed the obvious scowl on his face

"There's this woman at work, who-" he chuckles in a salacious way and it sends shivers down to his spine

"Who slapped me right after I kissed her and told me that she isn't interested in me" he chuckles yet again as he removes his coat

"She wears that outfit and expect me not to do anything? She did that in order to seduce me, she wants it" he scoffs as he shakes his head

He gotten so uncomfortable, he starts shifting from his seat

Steve needed this bottled up emotions to blow up

He wants and he needs his father to hear him out

"That's what you did to, Mom, too, huh?"

The silence is too loud, Steve is so fucking insane for doing this confrontation but he has to do it or else he will lose his mind

"What the fuck did you just say?" His dad grumbles as he stares down at his son with a fire on his eyes

He glares at him as he chuckles dryly, "You're so messed up that it hurts" he spats

"What are you even talking about?" He pushed him by the shoulder

"I hate that you're my dad!" He does the same action as he stumbles back, Steve thought his mind playing tricks at him but he swore for a brief moment that he saw his dad cracked

He is guilty, he is ashamed of it, he knows he is not a perfect father, he is not proud of it

15 year old, Steve would've been shitted on his pants for doing this but he is not afraid of it anymore

He is completely appalled, lost for words, the way his narcissistic exterior washed out on instant

"I lost the girl that I ever truly loved because of you!" He points at himself with anger and sadness swirling into his eyes

"Do you think it's easy for me to live out my life there knowing that my own fucking father is proud to have this mindset?!?" He steps closer as he makes hand motions to his head

"I can't just push you away because why? You're my dad, I-I can't just do that" He throws his hands up as he sighs in exasperation

"I-I have so much things that I wanted to scream out loud for you to hear because I've been carrying it for a long time and it really sucks because this argument isn't going to change anything" He is trying to so hard not to bawl in front of his old man but it his voice wavered badly but he didn't care

This is the most unfiltered thing he has ever done in his life and he knows for sure this will help him....A lot

"You've gone soft, Steve, that's the real world"

He looks at him with furrowed brows as he shooks his head

"I'm not gonna grow up to be just like you, asshole" He laughs incredulously as he starts picking up his shoulder bags and luggage

"Where do you think you're going, young man?"

"I'm going to leave because I'm sick of you and this big house"

"You're not able to survive out there without my help"

"You know for the first time in forever made me realize having a enormous fortune isn't necessary in life sometimes"

"You listen here-"

"What is fortune when you don't even have a good fucking relationship with your parents and household"

That's where he slams the door shut and breathes out a really long satisfying sigh with a proud smile on his face

He feels good, he feels great, he feels he has done something wonderful in his life

This is just the start of it

He takes his car keys and drove away like nothing ever happened

"Steve! Earth to Steve!" Robin clapping her hands right across to her bestfriends face

"What- I'm sorry" he says as he began shifting on his seat

"Okay, so to be clear, y'all are highschool sweethearts before-" Robin squints her eyes as she make gestures to her expressive hands

"and I was...." His shoulders slumped down, he doesn't even want to finish the sentence

"King Steve" Robin shrug both of her shoulders as she gave a sympathetic smile

"yeah" A small but sad smile flashes on his lips as he ducks his head down in shame

Robin is obviously needs some more information to fully understand what happened to your relationship with him

"Is it so bad?"

"is far more than bad, Robs"

"Did you kill someone?"

Steve eyes widened as he genuinely laughed, "N-No- I didn't!"

She chuckles but she is glad she made him laugh, "So, what is it then?"

He just made this one look to Robin and as she tries to read his eyes, her smile drops

"Oh"

As if you we're on cue, you placed their orders on their table as Robin made a stressful brush up to her hair as she glances at you

"Your order's are complete, just call me if you're ready to-"

"We can pay now" Robin's voice is firm but a hint of disappoint surrounding at the tone of her voice

You looked over at Steve for a sec who still gave you those pleading eyes as you tried your best to look away as you gave the receipt to them

You've taken both of their payment as you walk away quietly

Did just Steve talked about you to her?

Fuck

"Robin- I"

"I know it's in the past, It isn't my place to open up the wound again" she sighs as she tug up a smile to him

He smiles as he nods to her words, he is worried that this could ruin their friendship

"But I am fond that you chose to change, Steve, you changed for her" she places her palm on top of his as she pats it gently

"Do you still love her?" Robin asks him as she tries to search his eyes

She can see it, the same devotion is still there, it never died and it never will be

His last words to you echoed into his mind

"I can't never love again, I only want you"

And it truly did

He still does

Robin chuckles slightly to Steve with those lovesick eyes, "Of course, you do"

"You can't never get over with your first love"

You're done with the night as you put on your jacket along with your sling bag on the shoulder

But when the time you got inside of your car, your vehicle won't start up everytime you try it won't ever run

You sigh in frustration "Goddamn it!"

You look over to the other side of the road, you saw Steve locking up the doors at the Family Video

Shit, the universe is really testing you

You walked outside of your car as you close the door with a slam as you start to pace around it

You fumbled with the stuff inside of your bag as you pulled out a cigarette stick and you flick the lighter in your pocket

You inhale deeply as you blow out the smoke, you massage the back of your neck as you try to figure how to get the fuck outta here

You're mad that you're hopeless to get home

The last thing that you wanna do and the last option is to get ride home with Steve

You felt a hand behind you, you shrieked as you almost punched him in the face

"Woah- it's just me!" He held both of your wrist as he takes as step foot back to dodge your aim

You huff as you tap off the excess from your cigarette, you mumbled a small "sorry"

Well, isn't this great? Your first conversation with him after what??? 3 years???

He doesn't want to react because he hasn't seen you smoke before, I mean- you can do what you want but both of you really did changed

Did you developed anything else such as bad habits? that added another pang into his chest seeing you do things that you've never done before

He looked over to your car, "What happened?"

You blew out the smoke as turn your head into the other side, you try your best to remain calm but it feels all too much when he is this close to you "My car won't start"

"I can take you home, I know a place that can fix your car tomorrow" he suggest as he offers you a ride home respectfully, you can see that

Something is not right to him and it's giving you the creeps not in a bad way but why do he seems so nice? Is it because of you or he changed too?

You have no other choice, the terminal closes up pretty early, so, there's no train or bus to take

Only for tonight, just this night

You blew out the last smoke as you stub the cigarette into the nearest ashtray near the trash can

His eyes are glued to you, he watches your every move, of course, he knows that you wanna wrap this all up and forget all of this ever happened

As much as he wanted to talk to you ask you if you're okay, he respects your peace and boundaries

"Okay" you walk back up to him as the both of you crossed the road

What the fuck? Is he a gentleman now? You're not used to him like this, opening up the car door for you?

You flashed him a small but also confused smile as he jogs into the driver's seat

You saw the oh so familiar necklace that hangs on the rearview mirror

You made that necklace to him

Why does he still keep it?

He starts the engine as he put his hand over the headrest as he drives backwards

The drive was....so awkward and how quiet it is ringing to his brain

You just busied yourself watching all of the scenery outside in the car window as you passed by into different places

He takes his chances to glance at you

My god, he can't believe that you can still made him feel like this way

You crossed your leg that made your skirt rides up a little, he clears his throat

"Uh, so, which way should I go to?"

"Just turn here" you point out to him

He brings the car around the different small houses and his breath staggered he recognizes it

Oh, you're here because of your family

You're only having a vacation

"Stop here!" The tires screech as he stops abruptly and you accidentally bring yourself closer to him that he almost almost can kiss your lips in just one move

His breath hitched at the gap between the two of you

Your eyes flit to his and to his lips

It felt like eons that you both just stare for each other at the moment

You know and he knows

Fuck, you still love him

"I-I gotta go" you slowly move back up as you open the door but before you get outside, you softly say "thank you" and closed the door

You didn't give him a chance to reply as you quickly grab your house keys to unlock the front door

He sighs as he massages his forehead, he rolls up the windows before you get inside

"Take care" he says as you only nod and closed the door behind you

You squeezed your eyes shut at whatever that was inside of his car

"What are you even looking for?" He says not looking at you as he looks at a Nazareth vinyl

"Michael Jackson's Bad album" you say as you squealed gleefully when you found the one you were looking for

"We're going to be late for the movie, sweetheart" he hold both of your shoulders to grab your attention

"They're aren't going to start without us, Eddie" you say as you smirk at him as you walk away

"We have to buy popcorn-" he whines jokingly as he kept being all dramatic while he slings his arm around yours

"and drinks and other goodie stuff, I know, I'm just gonna pay this, stay calm" you giggled as you excitedly take the purchased album into your hands

"Hey, Eddie!" The same girl with the dusty blonde hair greets him the same time as you both are about to leave the record store

You can't never avoid him, huh?

She looks at you and your hand is wrapped around his forearm as she gives you a small wave

You only nod and smile, Steve is right behind her

"Dude, what's up?" Eddie greets him, right you forgot they studied in the same school

Of course, they knew each other, except for you because you left

You're nervous because of what Steve might think of you but you can't see anything on his face and his eyes

He doesn't seemed to mind that you're with someone else, there's no jealousy, mockery, sarcasm as he talks to Eddie

He doesn't even noticed how close you are at the metalhead

Meanwhile, Robin saw how you study him, but you look away you don't want to make him realize that you still care for him after all of this time and as she does as well

"Where are you two going?" Steve beams as he takes in how divine you look, Eddie didn't even catches it

"To the movies!" Eddie grins as he pulls you by his side as you roll your eyes playfully

"Are you guys going to watch Batman?" Robin gasps as she watches Eddie eyes goes big in excitement

"Yeah" you nod at her, Robin who is surprised that's the first ever interaction that you just had with her, so, she decided to introduce herself to you

"I'm Robin, by the way, I'm the bestfriend of Steve- ow!" He hits her by the shoulder as you chuckle in amusement in the way Robin punctuates and emphasizes the words to you

"We gotta go now" Eddie chuckles as he wraps his arms around you, but halts his tracks as he remembers something

"Sure, see you later" Steve nods as he purses his lips together as the both of them step inside

"Harrington, you could invite her to your party!" Eddie points at you and your close your eyes in embarrassment

You didn't tell Eddie about your history together with Steve but you did kinda....throw some hints at him about your past but didn't reveal the real name

Party? He still does that? you think to yourself

You saw how Steve became jittery all of the sudden as he tries to drop the topic right away but Robin, a glint of mischief on her eyes as she snaps her fingers at Eddie

Damn, you got yourself invited but you grew amused to the mystery girl

"I can't fucking believe you did that" he glares at his bestfriend who is pretending to be innocent as she walks away from him

"Oh- please, don't act that you didn't want that" she scoffs at his in denial behavior as she saw a vinyl that is similar to his situation

"You still want her, right?" Robin smirks as she gives the vinyl to him who is now gauging at his reaction

He takes the vinyl out of her hands without looking at it first but he laughs as soon as he saw the title

"Baby Come Back by The Player"

She wiggles her brows at him, he tries to kick her by the leg but she managed to dodge it

"Don't fuck it up this time, dingus"

"Trust me, I won't"

You had fun watching Batman with Eddie, he'll be right back with you as he headed at the men's restroom

You overheard a kid who is very defensive with his bestfriend, you try not to pry but until you heard the name "King Steve"

You've never looked around so fast in your entire life and your eyes fall onto the boy

"You're being friends with a douchebag-"

"He is not a douchebag!"

"Yeah, right, I heard he break girl's hearts like it was nothing-"

"T-That's not true!"

God, your mind is saying no but your heart is making you walk towards him

Curiosity got the best of you as you listen closely, but you stay alerted when things get heated

The poor kid, huffs as he shifts on his stance as he watches the two young ones left him

"He doesn't even like that name anymore, what a bunch of assholes"

"Hey, are you okay?"

He quickly swipes the tears away "Y-Yeah, I'm good"

He probably doesn't even remember you, "Dustin, right?"

"Yeah"

You smile sweetly at the kid, you really shouldn't ask a lot about him but you feel mystified of what you just witnessed, "Was that true? about what you said at Steve?"

"He cares a lot, he loves a lot, he is willing to do anything just to protect- Wait a second- who are you anyway?" He was getting into until he realizes that he is talking to a stranger and he paused

The kid missed the endearment on your eyes as you blink rapidly, you looked over your shoulder as you saw Eddie searching for you

"I'm gonna go now, bye" you say as he tries to chase you but you got lost in the crowd until he can't no longer see you

"Whoever that person is, that's so bizarre" he speaks for himself

"I have to tell this to Steve at the upcoming party"

He is not looking forward to it

But he wishes you were

He doubt that you will show up over at his house

But, honest to god, he thought the time stopped when I saw you walking by alongside with Eddie and Robin

His brain is muddled and his heart rate is increasingly so fast

"Hey, Steve-" Dustin jogs over to him but his mind is elsewhere as the door swings open

"Here we are" Eddie does his classic antics as he opens his arms as you chortled

"Welcome" Steve steps aside as he lets you all walk in

"Where's the drinks?" Robin feels so at home like she unashamedly looks through his refrigerator

"It's literally 7pm- don't you dare drink-" He puts his hands over his hips as he reasons with Robin

"Not that- I'm just thirsty" Robin rolls her eyes as she tries to explain

"You?" Dustin loudly made a sound that all of the guests caught their attention

You give him a small wave and a crooked smile and now you're regretting attending this

Steve clocked your reaction as he hold your shoulder leading you away from him

"Why are you pointing at her, Henderson?" Eddie is perplexed as he tries to understand the situation

"You mean- you didn't know?" Dustin bunches up his eyebrows at the metalhead

Steve glares at Robin who winced at the look that his bestfriend just gave him

"I think, you might want to sit down, Munson"

Steve has taken you in the backyard as he slides the door close

Oh, hell no

Not this place

Steve cringes what he just realized but he tries to keep his composure

"You still do parties, huh?"

He stare at you for a second, are you actually having a conversation with him?

"Uh no- we're going to have a movie marathon, not a party"

"Oh" you nod slowly in understanding as you stare at the swimming pool, you breathe in deeply as you keep your hands to yourself

Your sight of vision fell into Eddie, Robin, Dustin bickering at each other as you saw the guilty look on your metalhead bestfriend directed at you as you send him a small smile as you look away yet again

"I see that you told them"

"I-I'm sorry, I only told Robin-"

"Save it, Steve" your voice has gotten serious unlike earlier, but he can see it in your eyes that you're fighting between your emotions

You're trying your best to resist yourself for giving yourself away too fast

Steve's shoulders tensed as he looked up into the sky to find the right words to say to you

You deserve to know that, he needs you to know that him and Robin are nothing more than a platonic friendship

"Robin is just my bestfriend, she helped me"

"Help you?....with what?" You knit your brows together as you look at him in question with your arms crossed

"I- uh- I moved away from my dad after we- to live on my own independently" He suddenly became shy as he scratches the back of his neck as he averts his gaze somewhere else

That's where he truly see your eyes soften as your eyes went everywhere to his face

He can communicate properly with you now?

He is actually saying the truth to you?

You're not used to it and he knows he doesn't blame you

Before you can reply, Dustin calls out at the both of you as Steve sighs when you're the first one to walk away from him

"Hey, are you okay? dude?" Dustin asks him sincerely

"Yeah, man, I'm good" He lies, as he gives his young bestfriend a forced smile

False bravado, that's the mask that he's wearing all the time ever since you reappeared again

Tryna' keep up a smile that hides a tear

He wants you so bad, but how he will ever to win you back?

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry, I didn't know-"

"It's fine, Eddie, it's not your fault"

"Do you want to leave?"

"No, I'm gonna stay, Eddie- it's alright, I promise"

"Just tell me, if you're not up for it anymore, okay?"

"Okay"

Everyone is a blobbering mess after seeing Dead Poets Society, except for you and Steve

You caught him giving you those eyes yet again like he was begging for you

Begging for you to give him a chance

He wants to talk to you, the scariest thing you could ever say to him that your doors are chained and he'll understand

But the thing is that, he can't live without you

He'll do anything to persuade you, convince you, make you believe that he is nothing like the "Steve" the one you've met before

If he could go back in time, he would redo everything

The moment when everyone is leaving and saying their goodbyes

He took your hand and he must swallow his shock because you let him hold you for the first time in forever

Eddie even talked to him while you were distracted by Robin, by him saying "I don't know what happened between the two of you that much but.... I'd get her back, man, whatever it takes"

"Can we talk?" He whispers as he puts you in the corner where no one else can see you both

"Steve-"

"Just give me the chance to make you see-"

Oh, Steve's brain just mushed down

Because you're fucking kissing him

He recovers as he cupped both of your cheeks as he gives into you

Your hand gets lost to his hair, god- he misses that a lot, your sweet scent, he's inhaling it so much that electrocutes his brain

The kiss went into seconds, minutes and feels like an hour

You don't know what's gotten into you but you know you're going to blame yourself for this

You already told yourself that your guard is up

But, your heart tells no otherwise and your body reacted, so, positively that it flushed down closer to his

You stopped yourself as you saw him chasing after your lips but then he saw how hurt you look, his heart drops to his stomach as he gulped

He is flustered and so are you, but he sees the recognition in your eyes, the realization

He flinched the way you angrily punched him in the chest all of the sudden as you wept in front of him

No words thrown out between the two of you

It's the same damn kiss

It never changed, it still feels the same, moves the same, the way both of your lips melded into one another is a complete shocker to you

He didn't care about your outburst as he let the tears fall from his face as he embraces you instead

He starts caressing your head as he tries to keep you calm on his warm hug

You held onto his shirt in a fist that you violently sobbed face flat in front of his chest

As much as you wanted to stay in that area

You begrudgingly dragged yourself away from him as you walked outside, not giving him a second look

He knocks off one of his picture frames as he slides his back down against the wall as he started crying

Love is embarrassing, isn't it?

3 years, 3 goddamn years, you both still yearn for each other

Your first kiss after 3 years invaded his mind the entire night, he stares at the empty space of his bed

God, he wishes that you were here next to him on his arms

You've never packed up your stuff so fast in your entire life

You're ready to leave first thing in the morning

The door bell rings and you hold your breath for a second

"Oh no, not you- Steve-" you tried to close the door but no to avail as he stepped his foot to prevent you from for not letting him in

He glanced at your luggage and bags that makes his stomach twist

"Have you used up all of it?" He says as he kept his eyes on you

"W-What are you even talking about?!?" You threw your notepad in the near table, fuck- you shouldn't have double checked too much on your lists before going out

He got you now, you can't escape this

"All the love in your heart"

That's where you avoid his eyes as he moves closer to you

"Ain't there nothing left for me?"

"Steve- stop!"

"That's right-"

"What-"

"A lot of people that I know what I did to you was foolish, anyone can see it"

You let your stubborn attitude subside as you listen to him

"There's was something and everything about you"

You take out a shuddering gasp as your eyes burn from the threatening tears

"You can blame it all on me, I was wrong, baby, I-I just can't live without you"

He could've done this before

Take the responsibility of his actions and not to sugarcoat every word and have the guts to hold the accountability of his mistakes

"Steve, you gotta move on-" you lie what you truly feel, what's stopping you?

"Baby come back, come back to me, please"

"S-Steve, I don't know if I can trust you-"

"I didn't realized what I had when you're were mine!"

Your guarded demeanor has shunned off as you let your arms dropped to your sides

"I-I confronted my dad after one month ago when we go on our separate ways, I-I know this is unbelievable but I removed everything that you didn't like with me, my friends, my title, all of it, and it did helped me to become a better person"

He looks straight into your eyes, he never looks away as he tries to make you understand

"And I'm so very sorry that pulling up that fucked up shit that I did before just so I can improve myself and to have a character development was utter bullshit, hurting you was never right"

You purse lips together as you shake your head in disbelief

"What I said back there was still true too"

"What do you mean?"

"That no matter what you do to me, whatever happens to the both of us, I'd still love you"

He cries, his face glows so red as he takes in every feeling that he's receiving

You're the first one yet again to kiss him

He yelped as he brings you closer to him, your hands went through his hair as you throw your arms around him, he dives in deeper earning a moan out of you

He breaks out of the kiss, your face went pale but he shuts off your thoughts with the words

"You sure, you want to do this?"

"Steve, yes, I do, I want you like you want me, I need you like I need you-"

You're about to dove back on him aggressively but something feels so different on his touches, it's not foreign but it's making you want to bawl at how he is so soft with you

His eyes crinkle in awe and delightment as he couldn't get anymore happier

He carries you upstairs as he puts you onto the bed carefully

He removes his shirt and his pants, you get out of your shoes and when you're about to remove the straps of your dress, he beats you to it as he slowly takes it off but not without kissing your neck

His hands goes under your skirt as he plays with the garter of your panties

You spoke his name so decadent that he nearly melted down on you

You held onto him by the shoulder blades as he finds the zipper on the back your dress, he unzips carefully and lovingly as he takes his sweet time to adore and treasure every single moment of you

This is not just sex, he never looked at you like the one from before only filled with lust

This is love and admiration and it touches your heart so deeply that it might've been stop beating for a few moments

It's unreal that he is doing this to you, it's also unreal that you let him do this to you

When all of it's left is your paired black lacy undergarments

You both stare together for a while as you held his cheeks as he rests on it

He smiles so wide that it actually hurts and so are you, your smile lingered everytime he looks at you

You raise yourself using your elbows as he unclasp your bra, he threw your bra across the floor somewhere, he can't help but to kiss you again, you mewl as you fall back down on the mattress, you grind yourself against him as he groans when felt how wet you are

You kept grinding yourself onto him as he grants your wish as the friction increases more

Next thing to remove is your panties, you whine, when he licked a stripe into your cunt

"Steve-"

"Yes, baby?"

"I wanna feel you"

You don't need him to ask him twice as his boxers flew off somewhere

He carefully enters your sopping aching hole as you both moan in pleasure

Your jaw falls slack as your furrowed brows crumpled up even more as you adjust to his size

He kisses every part of your body, worships it while you're losing your mind of how it feels so fucking good just like before

"F-Fuck" he curses, praising you as he kisses your jaw

He watches how your cunt clamps sucking him inch by inch, he grunts when you start clenching around him

You're drooling, your eyes are fucked out, you're brain is mashed up

You're a fucking goner

He kneads your breasts as you moan even louder, the squelching sounds that comes in and out of you is music to his ears

"S-Steve, pleas-e move!" you squeal and your voice becomes so tiny that you bit your lip

He spreads your legs far more wide as he grabs your hips harder

You arch your back when he picks up the pace and hitting the spot were you're mostly addicted

"Oh!"

Your eyes roll backwards as your mouth hangs "0" shapes as Steve watches your expression contorts in pleasure

Breasts are jiggling, he goes faster and faster, he places himself on the crook of your neck as he puts lovebites all over it

You locked him in place as you can't keep your suppressed screams any longer

"Steve!"

"Christ-"

You scream his name so loud that his brain shortcircuit as you both came undone

He peels himself off of you but you held him close

"No, don't pull out just yet"

You tap him by the shoulders as you switched positions, he let out a sharp gasp at the angle that you're on top of him

Despite the overstimulation, you grind yourself onto him

"Woah- baby, fuck-"

"Yeah?"

"Don't give me that look- I'm gonna bust"

You giggled as you close your eyes at the sweet sensation as your brows pulled together and you moan when you start to bounce on his cock

Holy fucking shit, you rocked up his world

His hands are everywhere literally setting you on fire, he brings you closer as you continue to do your job as you look at him with blacked out eyes

His eyes got even more darker as he copies your move making your head fell onto the side allowing him the access to kiss your neck

You both went off to one another as you both entered another climax

You fell asleep together after 3 years

The scenario you'll never thought you could experience again

You woke up in a cold empty bed as you look around in your room, you can't see his clothes anymore, maybe he's in downstairs

The last night events flashes right before your very eyes as you bring your knees up

A tinge of pink on your cheeks as you try to remember every detail happened last night you were so beyond elated and in a complete bliss

You wore your dress again as you went downstairs only to find Robin

"Robin?" You ask in confusion, not that you don't want her here but it's just so random

"Hi" she waves awkwardly as she scratches her head

"What are you doing in here? Where's Steve?" You look for him again but it seems like he left

"Don't freak out-" She breathes out

You raise both of your eyebrows as you motion for her to continue

"He's at the airport" She says as she starts following you making you stay focus but she has no power to control you

"What?" You take your car keys as you went inside the vehicle and turn on your engine

"Wait- stop! He didn't told me the reason why! He just said he'll be at the airport!" She shouts out loud as she rests her back against your front door

"Okay, I'll be here at your house! Steve and his ridiculous lovelife- I swear to god- I'm gonna kick him in the ass" she slumps down in defeat as she mutters words under her breath

Why would he leave you?

Fuck, no- did he regret it again?

Tears well up in your eyes as your stomach began to churn as you fighting for your dear life to get into the airport as fast as you could

No, Steve wouldn't- stop overthinking- maybe, he has a reason

He won't just leave you like this, you felt how soft and he made you feel like you're the only person on his life

He made you think that the both of you had a future

So, why would he leave without a word?

You ran as your feet can take you, but when you saw the airplane takes it flight, you rest your head against the window and sobbed

The familiar voice calls your name and you look around a bewildered Steve who is now walking towards you

"Baby, what are you doing-"

"I thought you left me" you hold him tight as you looked at him in the eyes

"You're not going to leave me? Are you?" Your voice sounds so small that he doesn't want to see you crying anymore

"Honey, I'm here, I would rather jump off a cliff for leaving you all alone again, okay?" He reassures you as your worried features decreases but there's still uncertainty on your eyes as he takes a deep breath

"Robin is in the house, I don't-" he cuts you off as he tuts

"Ah-ah, let me speak- the airline called me in the morning and told me that the schedule that I booked in for is going to take off and of course, that would be a disaster since I used half of my expenses for the flight right? So, I made a decision on the spot- I called Robin to accompany you because you were peacefully asleep, baby, I don't wanna wake you and I was about to come back to you and tell you that you're coming with me" he held up in front of your face of two airplane tickets

Your unsureness totally fades away as you look at the ticket, you read aloud what it says

"Chicago?"

"Yeah, I'm going to take you with me while I study for college"

"I actually want to take master's degree too"

"Yeah? We can go together"

A big smile grows on your lips as you step forward to him as he closes the gap and gives you the most promising kiss

"We better start packing up soon"

"We sure are"

"I love you"

He kisses your cheek, "I don't think I could love you more, baby, I love you more than anything"

•

special mention to @savage-aespa, this person here is the main reason why I made this fic! literally giving me an idea that there's a possibility for them to be together and I hope I did my job alright! I'm sorry, it took me a month to finish this up and if you made it here, thank you so so much for reading, your support and your kindness will always be appreciated! take care always! 🥹🫶🏻✨

[pascallatte]

That kind of stuff

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!reader

Summary: What's going on behind the camera in one of Pedro's interviews.

Date: December 2020

Warnings: talk abt pornstars (iykyk)

A/N: omggg we're in the 20s nowwwww!!! I can't wait for you to read what's coming!!! sorry for posting early the next day, my Wi-Fi's having problems....

Another at-home interview? Why not it’s all people can get nowadays, so better get used to it. Pedro had already set up his area with the Wonder Woman wallpaper behind him. You were seated beside him, doing your own thing when he tapped you on the shoulder, signalling that his interview was starting.

“Hey, guys. Welcome to “Stir Crazy. My guest today is a struggling actor, starring in tiny projects like “The Mandalorian” and “Wonder Woman: 1984.” The host, Josh, enthusiastically opened making you stop what you’re doing in order to watch them.

“I’m here to give him a big break, It’s Pedro Pascal”

Smiling, Pedro raises his arms, “Finally, my big break, Thank you so much” he said sarcastically 

“Schmunder woman, nope. Let’s talk about the important stuff, You’re one of the sexiest men alive, You’re one of people magazine’s sexiest men alive,” Josh laughs when Pedro opens up his buttoned-up jacket.

Pedro opens it, superman style, “in plaid, that my girlfriend chose for me today.”

“And he’s got the plaid to prove it,” the host continues after having a good laugh.

“Does this validate you? Did you always know you had this in you?”

“Of course I did, it’s the only time where she gave me sincere compliments than back-handed ones,” he said subtly pointing at you, making the host once again ask. You stood up, making Pedro follow your form, asking where you were going with his eyes. Pointing to your room, he nods focusing back on the interview.

“So the title suggests the setting is 1984. So let’s- ok at the count of three, let’s each of us name our favorite 1980s song”, josh instructed Pedro, as he himself was getting ready to answer. 

“You ready?”

“One-“

“Purple Rain,” Pedro immediately said with a straight face. Making the host wheeze, “Wow, I didn’t even, okay. So yeah. That’s it”

They both laugh one in disbelief and one proud of his answer, “End of story.”

“What’s yours?” Pedro prodded, teasing the host. “You’re a kid. You weren’t even born.”

“I’m 97 years old. I was going to go with- I don’t know.” Josh defended himself before stating the obvious answers someone would say if asked about the 80s. “What do you think?”

“I wanna dance with somebody,” Pedro whispers, enclosing his mouth with his hands.”with somebody who…loves…me” he finishes.

“Okay, when you do it like that, just so you know it gets creepy,” 

He places a hand on the left side of his face covering his mouth, “blame-,” he points to you with his thumb, who coincidentally emerged out of your room. Shooting him a confused look, you can only shrug, return to your seat, and listen to them again.

Before you can even sit, a thought came into your mind. Nudging Pedro who looked at you for a second, you stand up infant of him. Tilting his head slightly, switching his look from the screen and you. Once you’ve got his attention, you pointed to the espresso machine you guys have, asking if he wanted some. He signals you to wait for a second.

“Is that Tom Selleck?” He said answering the host's question.

“It’s tom selleck, it’s Tom Selleck,” josh’s voice could be heard. “Hold on a minute,” Pedro says turning to look at you.

“Oh, uh ok,” confused, the host can only guess what would happen behind the camera.

Unknown to you, your voices can still be heard in the recording, catching what you guys were talking about. Looking at you, “What was it you were asking?” Pedro asks.

“I was asking if you wanted some coffee, it’s too early in the morning and we haven’t had coffee before this,” you whispered back to him.

“Oh, sure, thank you, amor,” he whispered back, shooting you a grateful smile.

Turning back to the camera, “ I have returned.” Pedro says in a villainous voice.

“I’m sorry, but you- I'm guessing your partner, y/n, can be heard. Is that ok with you or should we cut it out?” Josh says concerned for your privacy, even over the simplest thing.

“Oh, no, no. It’s ok. So where were we,” Pedro bypasses the host concern and drags it back to the mood of the interview.

“Ok..back to it,” josh grabs a paper, showing it to Pedro. “He’s living on a prayer man.”

While Pedro was having his sweet time in the interview, you just stood in the kitchen, staring at the wall, waiting for your coffee to finish. You thought that you’d get something to eat, but that was too noisy, so saving it for later, you chose to sit and wait.

As soon as the coffees ready, you took them walking back to the room you were previously in. Noticing Pedro who was laughing looking a bit flushed. Deciding to take a seat in front of him, you place down his cup then yours. You heard the host mention a name but you didn’t really mind it until you heard Pedro’s answer.

“Porn star,” he said smiling, heat slowly crawling up his cheeks when he sees you staring at him, with an eyebrow raised.

“You knew that too quickly, You knew that really quickly,” you heard josh say pointedly at him, before laughing. You continue to look at him with the same eyebrow raised, drinking your coffee, while Pedro smiled through the silent accusation.

“Are you frozen or are you just enjoying the moment?”

“I’m just enjoying the moment and fighting to avoid my girlfriend's intense stare,” Pedro stated smile still lingering on his face.

“Well, let’s see what your partner thinks of you when you answer these next few questions,” josh teases.

“George Payne?”

“He’s a super hero.”

Shocked Pedro widens his eyes, “No, It’s a pornstar. You got to look that one up,” you heard the interviewer say, making you whip your head from when you were looking at your phone.

“Hector Hammond?”

Drinking the coffee you gave him, “DC,” he says full of confidence.

“Yeah yeah, that’s a green lantern villain, I think Peter Skarsgard played that one.”

“The one with the plants and the flashlights,” Pedro says before bursting out a raspberry at what he’d said. “You sold it well.” The host laughed.

“Black Adam? Porn star or DC character?”

“Dc character.”

Nodding, “that’s dj, that’s the rock,” josh continues

“Buck adams.”

“Pornstar,” pedro says before looking at you expectedly, and of course you were there watching him intently know still with an eyebrow raised.

“I feel like you’ve seen some of buck’s work,”

“I mean we’re writing this down, right? Because-“ the host wheezes out laughing at Pedro’s comment. “That’s the rest of your day.”

“I need to look all of this up, that is if y/- am I allowed to mention her? Can I mention you here?” He asks the host before looking at you. Shrugging at first you turn around to give him a nod drinking your coffee.

“I- yeah sure, if that’s ok with her,” the host assures him.

“Yeah, she’s ok with that. If-if y/n allows me I mean, because she’s been giving me the stare the whole time we were talking about the-these stars,” Pedro said chuckling making the host laugh.

They calmed down after a few seconds, going serious all of a sudden.

“Harold…..Allnut?”

“Harold Walnut?” Pedro asks leaning closer to the camera.

“Harold allnut,” silence ensues staring at each other before laughing out loud, making similar kettle noises.

“I mean, would it matter which one he is?” Your boyfriend asks, face redder than before.

“Oh, I’ll watch his work regardless. What do you think?”

“I’ll watch his work regardless-,” moving his head side to side, pedro quotes him evidently having way too much fun. “-Regardless, I am a fan,” he continues.

“I hope he’s a pornstar-“ you drown out what ever they were saying focusing on the script you were reading. But curious on what had happened you tried to search one of the names you’ve heard from there. At first you thought it wasn’t too bad, but as you scroll down the things and figures you’ve seen has become too much that you shut your laptop of listening back to them.

“-nd then, if I’m going to speak to them in the Mando voice, it’s kind of a, it’s strangely like a bedroom voice, you know?” Pedro says hesitatingly making josh laugh.

You giggle to yourself at that, situating yourself directly next to Pedro.

“Yeah, that’s not appropriate for kids, but I don’t know, can we ask y/n?” Josh once again teases him, making him flush shaking his head.

“Ahh, no, no. that’s not Disney channel inappropriate- your question is...” Pedro says shaking his head “No,” sneaking to take a long glance at you, who he saw was trying your hardest to keep your laugh in.

“Ok, uh. Another challenge for you, let’s play a little game of who am I?” 

You saw Vin diesel appear on his part of the screen, making you watch him intently. Also wanting to see how he plays his part.

“Ok so uhm, shave off all of my head, give me a bunch of muscles, and then- and a fast car,” he finishes

“Oh, vin diesel. Easy,” the host exclaims.

The next name shows up, ‘C3PO.’

He does this butchered robotic voice making you cover your mouth to stop noise from flowing out. You can sense that Pedro’s looking at you, based on his reaction after the host had gotten it right.

“I’ve seen “the exorcist” about 117 times-,” he shouts making you jump to turn to look at him, “and it just keeps getting funnier every time I see it,” he continued making you and josh laugh.

Content with the reenactment, “you are beetlejuice, and it seems that not only I was enjoying it but also y/n,” he points out, “we can hear her laughing.”

Nodding, “oh, yeah she’s enjoying this alright,” Pedro tells him smiling widely.

And as the last name pops, you let out a gasp, looking at Pedro who was now laughing loudly. It’s just because coincidentally, or not, your name, rather your character's name, was of course added to the ones he had to describe or act out.

“Aha! This is an easy one, this-to whoever this person is please don’t kill me,” he said still laughing.

“Ok imagine a tiny- tiny agitated person, that rocks the bad ass role despite being….” he looks up thinking of something to describe you. “Oh yo-I’m going to give you this, “Dinos lo que sabes o te meteré esta puta pistola en la garganta y te volaré las entrañas!!” He acts imagining he’s holding a gun downwards. tell us what you know or else I'm gonna shove this fucking gun down your fucking throat and blow your insides out

“I think I should know who this is..” josh says.

“Yeah, I believe you do, that line stayed through out the last two seasons, you know,” he said as a matter of fact. Grin slowly appearing on his face, as he holds back his laughter when he saw you bending over the table red faced.

“Oh I know now, great choice of line by the way.”

Pedro raises his brows expectedly, cupping his ear turning closer to the screen. “It’s Catalina Mendoza, you- Y/n L/n’s character.”

“Bingoooo!!!” Pedro laughs now looking at you with a smile as you shoot him finger guns.

“Okay, okay-so I follow you on the instagram…“ the host continues to introduced their next topic, while you and Pedro talk quietly in order for the video to not record your conversation.

As soon as josh raises the face time picture of Oscar Isaac, you tap Pedro on the shoulder to take a look. He immediately bursted out laughing as he remembered this moment all too well.

“What’s going on here, buddy?”

“There’s our pandemic looks, man. Looking at today.”

“Is oscar Isaac like upside down?”

Guessing they’ll be talking about what had happened for a while, you decided to lay on the couch still kind of listening to the interview in the other room. I mean it’s the pandemic, what else can you do? As an actress, or like an actor in general, you’re always on the move so being at home for the past year had given you the rest you needed. But it didn’t last long really. So here you are now, slowly getting back to normal, kind of quickening up the pace.

Your peace was interrupted when you heard your name being shouted from the other room, curiously, you slowly sat up looking towards their direction. Seeing Pedro beckon you to their side, he pats the chair next to him. Telling the host that you’re there already.

“Ah there she, pedro said that you’d have to share your opinion on this question.”

Looking at your partner, yo just nodded while you waited for the question. “ he said would you rather have me-” he said pertaining to himself, “only dress in 80s clothing or be naked all the time?”

At this point you didn’t want to be seen or heard on camera so you opted on whispering your answer to Pedro, allowing the camera to get a glimpse of your home-clothed figure.

With a smile that grew into a smirk, he laughed at your response before saying a quick “thank you” as you got up.

“Y/- she said she would rather see me dressed in 80s clothing, but it really depends on me,” he said slowly looking at the camera before continuing, “Like can I- if I was naked all the time could I be alone? All the time?” He asked.

“It depends on you-“ the host cut himself off with a laugh when he saw Pedro’s expression. As soon as Pedro gets his response, he looks to the side, to where you were sitting a while ago, with a teasing smirk hinting out his meaning, which as a result makes josh laugh.

“I- do what you do, but you don’t have to live your life man, you just gotta do what you gotta do,” josh says now flushed from all the laughing he’s experienced during the interview.

Pretending to look sad, “I guess I’ll do it in 80s clothing,” Pedro said in a low voice.

“Ok fanny packs all the way, here we go.”

“Only a fanny pack.”

“Would you rather get, “this is the way,” tattooed on your face or on your back?”

“we-,“ motioning to you off-screen,”-had this conversation before and she insisted that I take it on my back, which I- for obvious reason, agree with her.”

“Okay. Yeah. That might limit your roles if you have it on your face,” josh jokes.

“Also, on my back might be a completely different message as well,” Pedro says giving josh a knowing look and a side smile.

Josh, laughs for the millionth time in the last 10 to 15 minutes, “Would you rather be always sweating or always be on the verge of a sneeze?”

Laughing to himself, Pedro’s mins had gone to places before ever answering the host. “oh, there’s kind of something orgasmic about being on the verge of a sneeze all the time- I could maybe- maybe I could get kind of used to that,” he says before acting out what an “orgasmic sneeze,” would ever look like.

“With the tattoo on your back, that’s quite a picture”

“Take it away” grinning to the camera, Pedro looks at you who was now recording him, in which he didn’t notice when.

“Last one, would you rather have a mouthful of bees or one be in your butt?”

“Oh I already have a bee in my butt,” he blows out a laugh. “Yeah, no- a bee in the butt… come one who doesn’t want a bee in the butt?”

“Those are goals.”

“Don’t be knocking it, man.”

Laughing, “I think we learned a lot about each other today. You learned that you’re not quite the porn connoisseur-” josh says making Pedro do a shushing sign with the finger on his mouth.

“- that you thought you were. We learned that you are one of the sexiest man alive-“

“I have work to do,” Pedro says cutting josh off before laughing.

The interview ended a short while after saying their goodbyes and thank you’s. Turning to Pedro who was fixing up his side of the table you gave him a smirk, making him shake his head.

“Soooo,i didn’t know you liked that kind of stuff,” teasingly you say as you cross you arms leaning on the table.

“Mhmm, please don’t bring that up again,” he says before walking to you, pushing you up to sit on the couch instead. In the silence, you both enjoyed your cups of coffee, talking about what to do for the rest of the day.

Taglist: @benonlinear @t-stark35 @heyitsme-2 @elleeeee21 @holmesstrange @tagakalat @flyestvenustrap @oldermenaremyreligion @cherryred444 @hobiismyhopeu @ilovehotdadsandshit @djarinsstuff @guacala @avengersheart @pukka-latte @lilvampirina

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

On thin ice (Hockey player! Miguel O’Hara x Figure skater! Fem! Reader)

A/N: Not me already have written this part the day after I posted the first one 🤭. I wanna add titles to the chapters but idk what I’d have them be, probably lyrics from songs I like lol. Once again, apologies now for If Miguel is ooc and if the terminology and sports talk is wrong. If you’re experienced in either sport and wanted to lmk if I got something wrong. If you want to be added to the taglist lmk too.

(Y/N)- Your name, (L/N)- Last name.

No warnings, Just Miguel and you interacting lol. Idk if this is consider filler but it’s meant to get the ball rolling lol.

Word count: 1.3k

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2: Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift the tide,

—

It’s been about a week since you’ve last ran into Miguel at the arena, surprisingly the figure skating team don’t run into the hockey team as much as you would think despite having to share a communal space on campus. Unfortunately, today was one of those days were you did run into them. You’ve arrived about 45 minutes early to practice, Logan nor coach Kavinsky were here yet. You were hoping to get some alone time on the ice before practice, but it had slipped your mind that today was Thursday, and on Thursdays the hockey team practiced before you rather then after like the rest of the week. As you dropped your gym back on the bench in the girl’s locker room, you were debating to whether you wanted to just wait at the arena till they were done, or walk back to your dorm. The only problem with the latter option is that the dorm buildings were all the way across campus, and by the time you finished the walk you’d have to turn around to walk back anyways.

So you stuck it up, and changed into your practice outfit, your skates in hand as you leave the locker room, deciding to keep your regular shoes on so you could at least get your stretching out of the way before your coach and partner came. You quickly went into one of the empty dance rooms that the arena had to do warm up stretches in, popping in your headphones to listen to your favorite song. After about 15 minutes you still had plenty of time before The Spiders got off the ice, you decided to just walk around the stadium. No destination in mind, just where ever your feet decided to carry you as your music continue to play in your ears. You can’t really say you were surprised to find yourself ending up in the main area with the ice rink, plopping yourself down in one of the front row seats as you let your brain go on autopilot.

You were too busy being lost in the music, you didn’t realize you were staring into space until you say a large tan hand appear in front of your face and began to snap its fingers, pulling you back into the moment.

“hellooo? Earth to ice princess.”

“Huh?” You shot up to sit straighter, blinking a bit as you take out your headphones, turning your head to look at the person who had just snapped you back into reality. “Look I know I’m attractive and all, but you don’t have to stare-“ Miguel begins, a cocky smirk on his face that you just wanted to smack off. One of his large hands going up to take off this helmet, his dark brown hair that was usually slicked back was now messy from the helmet, a thin coat of sweat covering his forehead. You cut him off, “ew, why would I be staring at you?” You question, your face slightly scrunched in distaste at the thought.

“You’ve been looking in my direction at the past 20 minutes.” He smirks as his teammates start to put away all their hockey equipment behind him, not paying attention to you both talk. You gave him a confused look before you realize why he might have been thinking that, “Oooooh-no-no I was just zoning out, I wasn’t staring at you on purpose.” You quickly explain, awkwardly scratching the back of your neck with your gloved hand, attempting to keep eye contact with the hockey player.

For a second, it looked like Miguel’s cocky exterior faltered, before coming back up. “Uh huh…sure.” He tone dripping with sarcasm as he drops his helmet onto a seat, then taking a seat next to you. His action caught you by surprise but you didn’t let it show, you also didn’t want to show the annoyance that filled your body from the taunting comment. “Why are you even here this early? Where is your little boyfriend?” He asked as turns his body towards you, resting the hand closest to you on his knee, his forearm that was further from you going to rest on his other knee. He was manspreading a bit, his eyes raking over your form slowly.

“Jesus why is it so warm in here all of a sudden? Usually I’m freezing my nonexistent balls off…” You thought as you shifted in your seat a bit, feeling the need to distract yourself, you start to change into your skates. “I wanted to get some time on the ice alone before practice but I forgot it was Thursday and- wait. Boyfriend?”

Miguel chuckled at your surprised reaction, turning his head away slightly, the hand that was resting on his knee came up to cover the smile that was creeping up on his face from your reaction. After a second or two he cleared his throat, his hand dropping back down to his knee as he turns to face you again with a neutral expression. “Yeah, your boyfriend, the one you skate with. What’s his name again? Lincoln? Liam?” Miguel knew his name, he just wanted to see if you’d correct him.

“Logan?”

Miguel tried his best not to scowl.

“Yeah, Logan-whatever-where’s he at?” He asked, he’s words come out annoyed and a bit rushed. “Well for one, he’s not my boyfriend, just my figure skating partner.” You start as you tilted your head to the side as you look at him, saying it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Now Miguel is trying his hardest not to let a huge shit eating grin spread across his lips. “And second, he’s probably on his way, he had a class today before practice-some science thing- I don’t know.” You shrugged your shoulders as you finish speaking.

Speaking of the devil, Logan and Coach Kavinsky appear through the front double door. “Ah! (Y/N), already here. Perfect! Let’s get straight into it.” She said with a smile as she seemingly ignore Miguel’s presence next to you, Logan stops next to you as you both took the guards off your skates, him shooting you a knowing look, his lips twitching up into small smirk as his eyes drift between you and Miguel. “I swear to God…if he brings this up later…” You start to think but a voice cut you off.

“Hey Cap!” One of the hockey players called out for Miguel’s attention, “We just finished packing up, you coming?” He asked as he skate to the edge of the rink, before getting out, a few of the other lingering players that were making sure all the equipment was all packed up doing the same. As soon as the other player was done speak to Miguel, he took off his helmet revealing (messy from the helmet and some sweat) light brown hair and brown eyes, his lower half of his face covered with a 5 o’ clock shadow and you noticed his nose was slightly croaked, probably him having broken it from a past game.

Miguel let out a heavy sigh, before turning towards the other player. “Yeah Parker, I’m going.” He grumbled as he brought his hand up to rub his face before giving you one more quick glance and getting up, leaving with the rest of who was left from his team, without another word. For some reason, that bothered you, causing your brows furrowed as your lips fall into a small frown.

“Rude…” you mumbled as you got up from your seat, Logan heard this and let out a small snort as he steps on to the ice. “Don’t overthink it (L/N), that’s just how he is.” Your partner tried to reassure you, you send him a small smile back and a quick nod of your head.

“Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t overthink it.” You repeat his words, as you went to enter the rink as well, but it was a bit too late for that, because you already were overthink it.

—

Taglist: @tayleighuh

[yawnzzznnn]

lmao i'm sorry i'm talking so much today 😭 but can i request for riize's anton with the 'let's go to the convenience store' prompt with wanna be yours of artic monkeys and/or anton bf headcanons?

anyways remember to take care of yourself and stay hydrated

ly

𖤐Our Song - Anton𖤐

Special thanks to: @eumppappasgrippers , Riize

Note: I was gonna post this earlier today but I didn't realize it was Friday and it took a minute to write this because for some reason I'm dissociating more than normal (like every two seconds), but thank you for requesting I hope your also taking care of youself and keeping hydrated, lyt

TW: Yn being classic Yn : fluff : shy Anton : mentions of a creepy man : mentions of food and snacks : mentions of being in a food coma :

Words: 1009

Prompt: "Let's go to the convenience store" & "I Wanna Be Yours - Artic Monkeys"

8-18-23

It was around 2:30am when Anton brought up the idea of going to the convenience store. When you arrived at Riize's dorms earlier that day it was warm outside so you didn't bring a jacket not thinking of the temperature later in the night, thankfully Anton lended one of his hoodies to you. The scent on the hoodie smelt like a mixture of masculine and sweet, the hoodie was long on you as it went passed your pajama shorts Anton tried to convince you to either wear the pants you brought or borrow one of his.

But instead of doing what he asked you made the 'its not that cold' argument knowing very well how cold it was "Yn please just put on pants" Anton asked "it's not that cold outside Anton, I'll be fine" you replied putting your phone and Anton's phone in yours(his) hoodie pocket in response Anton sighed before lowering his hand holding the clothing item "it is that cold" he tried to convince you albeit you weren't listing "ok but what if some creepy man comes along and you look like your not wearing pants" he said

"You'll be there you can protect me" you said walking towards the door to leave his room "c'mon before the sun rises" you said walking out. Anton sighed and put the pants on his bed before following you "wait" you said causing Anton to turn and look at you "neither of us can drive-" you continued "yeah that's why I tried to get you to wear pants" he responded in a soft tone you shook your head "that's not what I mean" you paused "how far away is the convenience store from here" you asked "about a 10-20 minute walk depending on how fast you walk 5 if you run" he responded

You sighed before grabbing his hand and dragging him out the door "you got our phones right" he asked griping your hand tighter you nodded your head "may I see mine" he said holding his hand out in response you moved the pocket closer to his hand "grab it" you said, he hesitated for a minute before reaching his hand in your pocket pulling out a random phone "oh-" he said once he looked at the phone "this is yours" he said looking at you before moving to put it back "your fine you can use it for whatever unless you were going to text someone I don't have the number of" you said looking at the ground beneath your

He softly nodded his head and typed in your password you peeked over at your phone to see what he was doing "what song you wanna listen too?" He asked his head turning to you "whatever you choose I'm just going along for the ride" you commented hopping a little Anton giggled at your antics before looking back down at your phone pulling your hand closer in order to put both hands on the phone pulling out a pare of Bluetooth earphones from his pocket he handed you one, you gave him a questioning look taking the other ear phone out his hand "I grabbed them while you were looking through my closet for a hoodie" he said pressing play on the music

"I wanna be yours" by artic money's filled the comfortable silence you giggled and looked at Anton "..what" he smiled "you know what you did" you giggled "your right I do know what I did" he softly said pulling you Infront of him before you could quistion why let go of your hand and pulled you infrony of him you felt his arms wrap around your waist and push you forward to continue the path of the sidewalk "isn't it uncomfortable to waddle like that" you asked him you felt his head nod from your shoulder "yeah but your shivering and I can't have my girlfriend cold" he said the pout on his face evident in his tone

You smiled and shook your head the to of you listened to music and made jokes the whole way to the convenience store "aaannd were here" he whispered in your ear "finally!" You breathed out "my legs hurt" you finished walking into the store "oh calm yourself the walk wasn't that bad" Anton said you didn't respond instead you rushed Anton to the chip isle. Once the two of you picked out what you wanted to eat you headed to the cash register "oh my god Anton!" You said as you turned to him the look on his face held worry as he ran his eyes over your figure looking for an injury

"We forgot our cards in your room" you said he shook his head "no mines on my phone, apple pay" he said "yeah cool mines not" you said as you looked at the ground "no one said I was gonna let you pay anyway" Anton said grabbing your hand leading you to the register. No matter how many times you protested he didn't listen instead payed with apple pay "I'll pay you back" you said before you could ask for his Venmo he cut you off "I don't want your money but you could pay me back in cuddles and kisses" he said knowing he won't take no for an answer you sighed "fine" you said grabbing his hand that didn't have the bags

The two of you made it back to the dorm and put all your stuff in his room piled around the both you, you still in Anton's hoodie as you deemed it too comfortable to take off. You guys put on a random movie half way through your snacks (and Anton's) put you into a food coma as you were drifting in and out of sleep you heard Anton softly whisper sing in your ear "I wanna be yours~"

[h3xa413a]

Songs i think certain Genshin characters would listen to / fit them !! hcs

(this is assuming they have access to modern day music) includes links to the songs! formatting is probably weird bc I’m on mobile :(

a/n: this whole post is just semi comprehensive rambling

Furina 🍰:

Okay I’m gonna give her two just because I love her. 1st one “Chocolate Love” by Girls Generation. I’m sorry I just see her as a kpop girlie 😭 I can’t really describe why I think she’d like the song besides the fact it has ‘chocolate’ in the name. (also ik what the actual lyrics mean by idc!!) And the 2nd one is “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. My reasoning behind this is because Furina just wants to have fun!! And if anyone disagrees that she wouldn’t like it… ur wrong!! /hj

Lyney 🪄:

Okay I KNOW the popular choice is “Circus” by Britney Spears. But personally whenever I listen to “The Magic” by Lola Blanc, I think of him. This is not to say the first song doesn’t fit him, because it does but the second song is terribly underrated and i really want to see edits of him to “The Magic” ☹️

Neuvillette 🦦:

“The World We Knew” by Frank Sinatra. Look this is the song was mainly chosen because it makes me think of Neuvfuri and because every single classical song has like 20 words in the title 🤬 Anyways I’d like to think Neuvi plays 30s-60s music while relaxing and doing paperwork, along with classical music too of course. Old man vibes 👴🏻

Xinyan 🎸:

“Bring Me To Life” by Evanescence. I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE LOVES EVANESCENCE !!! Xinyan loves rock n roll, but you wanna know what she loves more??? A female fronted band. Xinyan for president ‼️🗳️ She would would definitely try and learn all their songs on her guitar. Tbh i think she would like 99% of their discography. I just chose the most popular song 💀

Dottore 💉:

“Puttin’ on the ritz” by Taco. Hear me out, he would totally play this song and dance a little while moving around in his laboratory. Sometimes when he’s feeling particularly good/excited he’ll sing along when he’s torturing experimenting on someone. Lmao imagine him torturing someone and he tells them to stop screaming so he can hear the song 😭

[matthewkniesys]

i know it won't work - trevor zegras

summary: You let go of Trevor but why can't he let go of you? You know it won't work so why can't he see that? You're only trying to save each other from more heartbreak than necessary. You just want him to be happy.

a/n: this is the second fic in my good riddance by gracie abrams fic series. you don't have to read the first one for this to make sense. so this is my first song fic so please be nice. idk if i did it right. everything in bold is the song lyrics. i recommend listening to the song but you don't have to. i really do love this fic so hopefully yall will too🫶

pairing: trevor zegras x gn!reader

warnings: angsty and some swearing

good riddance fic series

The last year has been hard for you. Nobody ever told you how hard graduating highschool would be. Everyone paints graduating as this big celebration. You're never warned of the hard choices you’ll have to make and the people you’ll lose. The one person you never expected to lose was your childhood best friend and boyfriend of 3 years, Trevor Zegras. And you could never have predicted that you would be the one walking away. Not him.

I left you there 

Heard you keep the extra closet empty

In case this year I come back and stay throughout my 20s

Your body is drained of any energy. Moving into your dorm room has sucked any will to do anything for the rest of the day out of your body. You’re excited for the new chapter that University will bring to your life but you’re also mourning the loss of the life you had before. You feel like a different person since everything in your life did a complete 180 a few months ago. 

Leaving Trevor was probably the hardest thing you’d ever done. You didn’t just lose your boyfriend that day, you also lost your best friend. It was what needed to happen though. It was this one day when he made a comment about how he would follow you anywhere and give up hockey in a heartbeat that made you freak out. You had to cut ties. Trevor loved you in an all consuming way. You loved him in a nostalgic kind of way. In the way that you two had been best friends forever. You loved him but slowly you were realizing it wasn’t in that same romantic way his love for you was. It was not purely but more platonic. You couldn’t ever see yourself marrying him and so even though it hurt both of you, leaving was the right decision. If only Trevor could understand that. 

Picking up your phone to check social media, you see you’ve got a missed call from a friend, well she’s probably your best friend now, since you walked away from Trevor. You choose her number from your recent contacts and let it ring until she picks up.

“Hey, y/n, how are you? Are you all settled in?”

“I’m good. It was a real tight fit, to get everything in the dorm but it worked out. How about you? How’s your dorm? I can’t believe we are literally on the opposite side of the country now.”

Your friend laughs, “ Yeah, it was quite the tight fit here too. The dorms are tiny. But I’m doing good. I’m excited for classes to start.”

You pause for a second, wanting to ask the question that’s been burning in the back of your mind for weeks now. You wanted to know how Trevor was. Trevor and your friend had always been close. When you walked away from Trevor you didn’t want them to have to end their friendship so they still hang out.

Stuttering, you ask,” Hey, um how’s Trev doing?”

“Are you sure you really wanna know?” Yes, you are sure. At this point you feel like you need it as much as you need the air you breathe. You can guess he probably isn’t doing great, you aren’t either but you need to hear it from someone who knows.

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay, well I’m gonna be honest with you.” She pauses. “He’s fucked up over you. You walking away from him really came out of the blue. He blames himself. He thinks he did something wrong.” Hearing that he thinks it’s his fault breaks your heart. All he did was love you with all of himself and you couldn’t reciprocate that.

“I-fuck. Why couldn’t I just love him back? It’s what he deserved and I couldn’t give it to him.”

“Y/n, it’s okay. In the long run this will be better. At least neither of you will be stuck in a shitty relationship. But if I’m being completely honest I think Trevor still thinks you’re gonna come back. Like you’re gonna realize you made a mistake and change your mind. You probably don’t wanna hear this but he keeps the extra closet empty. You know, just in case you decide to come back and stay for good.”

Hearing that, shatters your heart into a million pieces.

What if I won’t?

How am I supposed to put that gently?

And down the road

You will love me until you resent me

You talk for a few more minutes but then you hang up, your heart wasn’t really in it and you’re emotionally exhausted. You feel as if your body is about to combust. Sighing, you toss your phone on the bed and flop back, shutting your eyes and letting your thoughts consume you. 

You shouldn’t go back to Trevor. It wouldn’t be fair to you or him. It would only cause more pain than it’s worth. But maybe a little part of you still wants to. You miss him. There is history there that can’t just be erased. 

You feel like you need to tell Trevor that you really meant it. He can’t keep holding out for you. He needs to live his life. He’s at BU this year and next year he’ll be in the NHL. All you want is for him to be happy. You want him to go out and kiss other people and to find the person of his dreams but instead he’s hung up on you. 

If he stays hung up on you, if he can’t move on he’ll eventually start to hate you. He’ll love you so much that it’ll turn into resentment if it hasn’t already. And even though you broke his heart you really, really don’t want him to resent you. You couldn’t stand it. He still means the most to you.

I’ve had the thought

Tried to work it out through anxious pacing

What if I’m not

Worth the time and breath I know you’re saving?

Despite being tired down to your bones, you slept horribly that night. Knowing that Trevor might be up at this very moment, not being able to sleep because of what you did is killing you. You aren’t worth this much thought or time. He could have anyone. Any kind, beautiful person that he wants. Someone who can give him everything but instead he’s agonizing over you. For fucks sakes he even has a closet empty just for you. He must really believe you’re coming back.

It’s your first night sleeping in your dorm and that isn’t helping either. You look over at your roommate who is peacefully sleeping, wishing you could be doing the same. You grab a water bottle and chug half of it trying to gain your bearings. Your mind is running wild and you need to do something. 

You start pacing back and forth, in your tiny dorm room. You really hope your roommate doesn’t wake up because you don’t need someone you barely know thinking you’re crazy.

You just want Trevor to just move on. To not let you live rent free in his mind. You aren’t even worth it. You’ve seen how many other girls are after him. He could have any of them. You aren’t worth it.  He’s saving too much for you and he needs to let it go.

But it’s a lot

All the shine of half a decade fading

The whole facade

Seemed to fall apart, it’s complicated

You’ve known Trevor for your whole life and liked him for 5 of those years. Until it just kinda stopped. You stopped wanting him so much romantically and you just wanted to go back to being best friends. Part of you, a big part, wished you had never even dated in the first place. 

A few months before graduating everything started falling apart with Trevor. It stopped feeling right, your relationship. It stopped feeling like where you wanted to be. You hoped it would pass but it didn’t. The feeling kept growing and growing until it felt like there was just a huge hole in your chest where something wasn’t quite right. Where something was wrong.

And part of me wants to walk away 'til you really listen

I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different

'Cause part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

Weeks fly by but it doesn’t really get that much easier. You’re happy and you’re making friends but you still miss Trevor. And you’ve gathered from talking to hometown friends that still talk to him, that Trevor isn’t really doing any better. You can’t get past the fact that you’re the one making him hurt like that.

It’s completely sudden. You aren’t expecting it. There’s no text, no build up. Just one day out of the blue he calls. You don’t want to pick up. It’s only gonna lead to false hope for him that you want to get back together and false hope for you that he wants to simply just be best friends again. But you can’t help it, you pick up the phone and answer.

“Y/n,” Trevor says the moment you pick up, sounding a little breathless.

“Um, hey Trev.” You don’t know what else to say so you leave it at that.

You hear Trevor mumble, “Oh fuck, there’s no way i can do this.” and then he starts talking.

“Y/n, please, please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix this. I miss you. You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I need you.”

Fuck, you won’t get through this. You can’t stand to talk to Trevor, knowing you both feel completely different. And it’s the fact that he thinks it’s his fault. That he did something wrong.

You desperately wanted to tell Trevor that you would come back, that it could be like old times but you can’t. It would be a lie. It could never be the same ever again. 

A part of you wants to go back and just say fuck it. You want your friendship back so badly that you’re willing to fake the romantic part. Maybe you’ll eventually for real fall back in love with him. It’s possible, but you know that’s not right. It won’t work like that.

“Trevor, you didn’t do a single thing wrong. It just wasn’t working. It wasn’t meant to be forever. I have so much love for you still but not in the same way that you do. We can’t keep doing this to each other. We need to get past this. Hanging up the phone was hard. Sitting with your thoughts after was harder, but you’ll get through it. You did the right thing.

Why won't you try moving on for once? That might make it easy

I know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving

And part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

In the weeks that follow you don’t hear anything from Trevor. Until mid November and then everything starts seeping back in.

First it’s a text. A simple, hey, how are you? And you know you shouldn’t respond so you don’t. And then it’s pleading. It’s text saying we need to talk or I miss you. And you almost respond to those because you can’t bear to think that you are causing Trevor so much pain. But again you hold out and don’t respond. It’s when he starts picking up the phone and calling that you can’t stop yourself.

He called you once, you didn’t pick up. He called you a second time, and still you restrained yourself, but the third time was when everything went crashing down.

You had been having a really shitty day to start off with and you were already in the worst of your feelings, so when Trevor called it’s like it breaks a dam inside of you. A wall that had been holding strong but was now toppling over.

You pick up the phone and for a minute it’s just dead silence. You hear Trevor’s breathing so you know he’s there but he hasn’t said anything. So you decide to speak first.

“Trev, I thought we agreed to cut ties. We can’t keep doing this. You need to move on. This isn’t healthy for either one of us.”

“ Y/n, you’re the one who said we should cut ties, I never agreed. I need you in my life. I miss you.” The desperation in Trevor’s voice makes you want to cry. It makes you feel as if someone took a jagged piece of glass and cut open the wound that was slowly starting to heal. The wound that you inflicted by walking away. A part of you still wants him. But you can’t. You just can’t. It isn’t possible.

I'll open up

I'm thinking everything you wish I wasn't

The call was tough

But you're better off, I'm being honest

You take a deep breath. You need to give Trevor the closure he needs and then leave for good. You need to explicitly say that this won’t work. You need to tell him without any fancy words that he needs to accept that you're not the one for him.

“Trevor,” you plead, needing him to listen, “You need to walk away. I’ve been trying to for months now but you keep pulling me back in. I’ve already moved on but you’re the one who won’t let me leave. We were what we were but we can’t be that anymore. I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago and you aren’t either. Let me go and in the long run we’ll save each other a ton of hurt. I love you but this won’t work. You have to let go. I’m gonna hang up and you aren’t gonna call me again.” You pause, catching your breath. “I wish you nothing but the best. Goodbye, Trev.

You sit in silence for a moment. It was hard. You have tried telling him goodbye before but this felt much more final. After all the other times you tried saying goodbye to Trevor, you still felt as if there was more to the story before it would be over. You hoped the story was over now. It was the best thing for you and for Trevor.

So won’t you stop

Holding out for me when I don’t want it

Just brush me off

I’m your ghost right now, your house is haunted

It took all of five minutes for Trevor to call you again. 5 fucking minutes. God, all you want at this point is for Trevor to move on. To realize this is the best thing that could’ve happened. You don’t pick up. You need to set some boundaries. You can’t keep picking up the phone when you don’t wanna talk. He needs to just brush you off and move on.

But he calls 4 more times that night. And you’re scared it won’t stop. So you pick up. Of course you do. It’s that little part of you that still wants him back that makes you.

“Trevor, you need to stop. I’m sorry but we can’t. I don’t know how many times you want me to say this. I know this won’t work the way you want it to or at all. So please I’m begging you stop. Put both of us out of our misery. You start moving on so I can finish letting go. Trevor, don’t call me again or I will block your number. I don’t want to because for some reason it just feels wrong. But I will. Goodbye, Trev.”

You hang up and this time you know. It’s final. Trevor won’t call again. You’re sad but more than that you’re relieved. You can finally start living again.

It’s as if for these past months you’ve been this ghost for Trevor. One that would constantly follow him. You were haunting him and know you’re finally being set free.

I know it won't work like that, huh?

It’s been years now. You don’t think about it often but every once in a while Trevor will pop into your mind. You’re happy. You really are. And from what you see on social media, Trevor is too. 

You try not to dwell on it but sometimes you think about what might have been. What might have happened if you had gone back to Trevor. And honestly you aren’t sure. Maybe everything would’ve worked out and the two of you would be happily together right now. Or maybe it would’ve ended up being exactly what you thought would happen if you went back. 

You truly believe you made the right decision in letting Trevor go. You knew it wouldn’t work the way he was envisioning. And hopefully you spared the both of you a lot of heartache.

You’re happy right now. That’s what matters. You and Trevor don’t talk much except for the occasional birthday message but maybe that was how it was supposed to be.  You knew it wouldn’t work like that and you made the right decision, for you and for Trevor. You had and still have so much love for him and that’s all it’ll ever be. And you’re okay with that. You really are.

thanks for reading 🫶

good riddance fic series

taglist: @woodruff-edwards @nicohischierz @makarhughes @cobrakaisb @huggy-hischier94 @boldysswld@cole-mcward48@kashee-h@kjohnson-91 @jackhues @corneliaskates

join my taglist

[roshellow29]

Idk why but I feel the need to rant about trolls band together so here's a warning for SPOILERS.

TL;DR I'll be talking shit about major conflict parts in the movie that I wished were handled differently >:((((

Please take caution (and a deep breath) reading this because I'm very bad at making sense when I ramble ok? Ok les go

OK SO.

The movie was great, loved the songs and I enjoyed branches family shenanigans, including supportive girlfriend poppy I've been WAITING FOR THIS (ifykyk)

But here are some things that bothered me that they could've definitely done differently

1. JOHN DORYS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC- jd is great. He's actually my favorite! He's a cringefail boyfailiure and I love him for it. In the movie, his whole thing was that he was basically an ass who didn't listen to his siblings and always pressured and bossed them around. Cool, that's established. What's not is, Why??? It's really the whole "perfect family harmony" thing I guess.

Because later in the conflict he says that it was "hard being responsible for four younger siblings" (which bitch me too were litteraly the same) and that all they needed to be was perfect. what I don't understand is why? Why the whole perfect harmony? Where did it come from? They didn't say it was a big thing or that other bands did it? Would it get them more fame? Would it mean that they're perceived as the perfect brothers or something?? Also, why wasn't the grandmother more involved with the kids?? Did she pressure him to care for his siblings because their parents weren't involved or something? That's just one thing that's not really explained to me ig 🤔

And the whole thing that bothers me with jd is that he doesn't do the cliché "branch I'm sorry I was an asshole brother, and I wanna be a better troll to you and our bros. And blah blah blah" like they skip that entire potential jd apology??? I was expecting that with a hug?? I WANTED A HUG WITH BRANCH AND JD OK. He genuinely cares about him!!! You can see it, he really does. He's just bad at communicating. Like extremely - so they skipped that and just made him go, "We'll follow ur lead branch," and that's it.😐 no apology. No proper character development. Just him going "ok yeah I'll follow u one time." LIKE HUH. (This also includes the other siblings cuz they dipped on branch the same, and none of them said sorry!!)

OH and another thing. WHY WERE CLAY AND BRUCE SUCH ASSHOLES TO JD. ESPECIALLY CLAY. like I completely get it, he was an asshole, he pressured and bossed you around, we know that. But that was 20 PLUS YEARS AGO??? Like no you don't have to hug him but damn why r yall so cold???

I'm thinking that because I'm p sure they went no contact at all after they broke up. So how r they so sure he's still the way he was before?? (I mean they were kinda right but still) like you could've been super happy and then get disappointed later when trying to practice hitting the note. It would've made more sense to me idk. Like it just bothers me that they straight up ignore him- it's mean! (But I can't be too mad I mean they all have their reasons ig 🙄)

While we're on the topic of the family, on to my next point.

2. ROSIEPUFF AND HER DEATH. I think it was handled HORRIBLY. Like the whole movie I was just like "plz don't skip over it plz don't skip over it." And then branch drops the bomb on them right (which still caught me off guard like damn) and THEYRE DUMBFOUNDED, GREAT. And then after that there's NOTHING. NOTHING!?!??!?!?!? they don't mention it they don't apologize to branch for what he went through they don't take two seconds to mourn her they're just like "wait she dead?" And then fucking move on like. Why???? they don't question how, they don't question when branch was living in solidarity for 20 years, nothing. and I'm mad as fuck because that was part of Branches entire CHARACTER ARC in the first movie!! They don't mention he was gray they don't mention he didn't sing they don't mention anything. He went through that for 20 YEARS, ALONE. and they don't mention it. I rlly hated that- like they rlly didn't care.

Anyway.

Third smaller topic that I thought was gonna happen

3. I thought clay was gonna end up going, "actually yknow what, I AM fun" and then embrace himself because hes most definitely goofy. But nah they left him trying so hard to convince himself he's serious, and tbh he just came across as branch 2.0.

Alright moving on!!

4. I'm mad they didn't include a little flashback of viva and poppy being inseparable until the escape happened. Like I know popps was an infant but at the same time troll kids talk the day they're born, so it would've been nice to see them be together at least once before they separated.

Also.

I WANNA DECK PEPPY IN THE FACE. you lost your daughter and instead of MOURNING her and spreading her memory you decided to act like she didn't EXIST. WHY. like he was obviously depressed and sad but why didn't you tell poppy stories of her when she was a kid or something? And keep her memory alive??

(And sure. There's the thing with "They weren't gonna give poppy a sister until now" but I feel like they could've at least made poppy remember a small flashback is what I'm saying.)

Idk. I just wish it was handled differently like why is peppy keeping so much shit to himself lmao.

Oh yeah and then there's just my little nitpick and it's that I wish they included the troll leaders in the wedding sequence ok they're all friends they should've been invited ok I just wanted to see them again 😭(totally not saying thus cuz world tour is my fav but I am)

Anyway, yeah! I think this is just what mainly bothers me about the movie. I just feel like the conflict was handled poorly. But either than that it's still a good watch. I like it a lot :D

If you read this far, God damn you like to read, and thanks for dealing with my stupid thoughts!

If not, that's OK lol.

[not-your-fucking-kacchan]

politely requesting some bakugou confort. had a very tiring few days and just wanna snuggle into him lol

:]

im sorry to hear about that and im glad my writing might make you feel better!

i have a good 20-something requests in my inbox right now but since this seems like more of an emergency request it took priority, i hope it lives up to your expectations <3

also i wrote this while listening to the song el muchacho de los ojos tristes and it was very nice

Masterlist<3

Bakugou x Reader - Comfort

It's been a while since you've had a week as stressful as this. You've been going on mission after mission and with all of the school testing that's going on at the moment it's starting to wear you down a little, future pro-hero or not.

You're basically running on fumes at this point and the stress your family is putting you through is keeping you awake at night. Life should not get this hard.

It feels like with every step towards improvement you make is met with resistance from fate. Just this week alone you've been hit by a car, bodyslammed by Koda and Iida, given a concussion, broken an arm, and suffered a humiliating loss against Todoroki in your final assessment. You were too weak and tired to even hope to stand a chance.

As you slam the door to your dorm you shrug your bag off and drop it carelessly on the floor. Normally you would be absolutely livid at the moment, but you were crushed. Your greatest chance of success was torn from your fingertips at the very last minute. By that fucking daddy's money, born-with-power brat. How poetic.

You can't help but be a little bitter. It's always the strongest people in your class that are the first to say things like "success comes from hard work" and then proceed to show off the power that they'd inherited. You actually had to work hard to keep your quirk under control, and it was painful.

You just feel so defeated, and it's no wonder that you're tired as you collapse onto the bed and immediately pass out the second your head hits the pillow. You hadn't even had the energy to get out of your school uniform.

Katsuki had been looking for you ever since your assessment had ended, but there was no trace of you anywhere and he curses under his breath at the inconvenience.

"fuckin' dumbass... just go an' disappear on me, huh?!"

You had rushed off before you had gotten the news that you had passed the test. You may have lost the battle, but you'd obviously performed well enough to scoop up a passing grade.

The ragged blonde boy huffs and balls up his fist, his signature glare-and-frown combination hiding his worry for you. You looked absolutely gutted at your defeat.

He figures that if you're not here then you're probably in your room, but when he finally makes it there and knocks on the door only to be met with silence, an irk mark appears on his head. Pale knuckles wrap around the doorknob and twist as he goes to make sure that you're not just ignoring him, annoyance evident on his face now, but the sight of you curled up in your uniform, knocked out and breathing evenly has him blushing slightly.

There's a pink tinge to his ears as he comes closer, shutting the door behind him and letting the room be shrouded in a blanket of darkness. You must be absolutely exhausted.

He sighs softly as his expression softens into something more rare, akin to sympathy. Pastel pink sheets shift as the bed dips under the pressure of his body coming up behind yours to embrace you, and strong, toned arms wrap around your waist as he tucks his face into your hair.

You wake up an hour or two later, tired and hurting, but also confused as hell because why is Katsuki in your bed with you? You're no stranger to cuddling, but it usually takes some convincing on his part to actually agree to do it with you. He must've seen how distraught you were after your failure. What a sweetheart.

His soft snores emnate from behind you, his face hidden away in the crook of your neck, covered by your hair as his arms tighten around your waist at the disturbance of you waking up. He must've fallen asleep then.

You feel a sudden weight in your heart, like someone had just strapped one of Katsuki's training weights to it, and suddenly your cheeks are wet with tears at the realisation that despite how low you might fall, or how badly you might fail, you'll always have him to back you up. This boy is your whole support system, your rock. And without him, you may just get carried away.

He's always been there for you, giving you advice and support, and smacking you with a reality check whenever you need it. So when you roll over and cuddle into his chest, burying your face into firm muscle and waking him up in the process, he's there again, raising a hand to the back of your head and letting you cry. His fingers gently massage your scalp and it helps to ease the pounding headache that comes with crying so much.

A frown is etched onto the boy's face as you weep, knowing how tired and drained you are, and well aware of how hard you've been working yourself - so much so that you've brought yourself to an emotional meltdown.

"... You need to stop pushing yourself so damn hard, idiot... Give your body and mind a break, you're not invincible."

That's all he says, and his voice is low and scratchy with sleep as he pets you and pulls you in closer, his eyes barely open a crack. You know he's right, and he knows you needed to hear that. The silence in the room is deafening after he says that, only filled with the occasional sniffle from you while you nod your head shakily in agreement. You're exhausted by now, having really tired yourself out and falling asleep in your boyfriend's cuddle for another couple of hours, sleeping the best you've slept all week.

He doesn't even get the chance to tell you that you passed, and that everything is gonna be fine, but he shrugs and just lets you rest, deciding that it can wait until you've taken care of yourself.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/28/2023

tuesday again no problem will be taking a break for the 12/12 edition (not next week but the one after)

listening

previously featured Os Mutantes, a countercultural brazilian rock group, is back bc i heard A Minha Menha on an instagram reel by @/ vintagepulps on a showcase of brazilian pulp magazine covers.

the SECOND that driving riff hit i experienced a brief moment of fuckor bc this is exactly and precisely the kind of song i like. this translation tells me it translates to My Girl. it's got moon/sun imagery. it's exactly the kind of song to drive around to in the summer while having an absolutely crippling crush on the person in the passenger seat. spotify

-

reading

you wouldn't download a woman...

TWICE

-

watching

I'm No Angel (1933, dir. Ruggles) a 1936 black comedy written by Mae West and starring the babiest Cary Grant you've ever seen. i added it to my letterboxed bc i saw screenshots of this one specific dress. that’s so much sideboob. good for her.

we don't use the term "adventuress" anymore to describe a woman who does various physical or social stunts to land a husband and i think that's a shame. Tira (yes) is a burlesque dancer and (separately) a lion tamer at a down on its luck circus, becomes famous through putting her head in a lion's mouth, and leverages that fame to fall in and out and back into love.

your enjoyment of this movie will hinge on your tolerance for astrologers, circuses with animals in them, and depictions of black housemaids that have not aged super well, even if they're mostly there to stroke her ego. i'm sort of torn on what rating this would get today-- i'm assuming R bc there's a woman expressing desire but nothing actually happens beyond kissing and some sitting in laps. some peril for the lions i guess?

i do not think this particularly nailed its landing, and i'm not totally sure why they got back together, but mae west in straight up burlesque and the shimmiest dresses you've ever seen is so much fun to watch it doesn't really matter. this is sort of sidelining the her very funny, extremely quotable script. apparently any movie she wasn't allowed to write or heavily doctor her own lines just completely flopped, which i also think is very funny.

just straight up on the internet archive

-

playing

triple header for Things That Came Out This Decade: Genshin Impact (September 2020), Deliver Us Mars (2023) and Gamedec (2021).

brief Genshin update: your main companion in the game, Paimon, the little fairy bitch, has been the recipient of some worrying foreshadowing lately. hey Paimon you wanna tell us anything???

Deliver Us Mars, free on Epic this week. i want to like this game. i think there should be more weird little eurojank original scifi B-franchises like this and you should be able to feed your family by making them. i do not want to continue playing this particular little franchise.

it's the second game by KeokeN (The Netherlands) and published by Wired Productions (UK, although they are partnered with Koch, which means they’ll be bought up soon), a studio of under 20 counting support staff (some of who are certainly part time or on hourly contracts) and an intern. after doing that basic background research i ratcheted my expectations back a couple notches and deleted a somewhat catty paragraph about video game hair.

this is a sequel to Deliver Us The Moon, which was a successful Kickstarter and Steam greenlight (TM (C) R) and it seems they spent the four interval years mostly polishing up the predecessor Deliver Us The Moon, which i do not own and do not plan on playing.

Deliver Us Mars bills itself as an action-adventure, but during my time with it, it was more of a cinematic movie/walking sim with extremely light puzzle/platform mechanics. there are extensive childhood flashbacks following a dad around as he trains his daughter to be an astronaut. the timing and insertion of these never quite clicked for me-- they take forever and they were never as interesting as what they interrupted.

this game is not good at signposting or tutorializing. i had to restart a chapter twice bc the unique controls popped up for a brief fleeting moment on screen and weren’t in the keybinding settings. i could never quite get the mouse and keyboard camera sensitivity right, and platforming/vertical elements seem to only be partially implemented: you can only really successfully approach certain segments from extremely specific dead-on angles. there are like three big boxes in your path that you have to clamber over at one point and i do not think it should take a solid minute and a half for me to get over them. some reviewers praised the lack of signposting during the launch sequence (causing you to frantically look around at a million unlabeled buttons and levers to see if any of them were highlighted as a thing you can click) as a fun way to ramp up stress but i fucking hated it.

after two and a half hours, and only just making it to a ship OUTSIDE mars, i decided there are other games in the world. this hits some sort of minimal viable story benchmark for me, i can see why some people love it, but i don’t want to find out what happens bad enough to play through a slow game that handles terribly and isn’t much fun to exist in.

does get points for big fuckoff dishes.

Gamedec is an isometric RPG, where you are a near-future private investigator who handles delicate personal matters inside wildly popular MMORPG VR games. unfortunately all the trailers suck shit.

this is catnip to me. i love a no-combat game where i have to walk around and talk to everyone and click on everything and write things down in a little notebook. i loooooooove being nosy. i've played through the first two and a half chapters (kinky second life, racketeering farmville, and real life uh oh) and i'm having a fucking marvelous time. the writing team clearly had a lot of fun, the VR game worlds feel very alive and vibrant-- there's a ton of possible weird little flavor interactions that go a very long way toward making me forget this is a limited-perspective isometric. this is like praising an RPG for doing what it says on the tin and being an RPG, but the most recent RPGs ive played have been fucking terrible. it's not shoehorning me into one-true or main-path choices. extremely forgiving of failure, which is good bc i straight up accidentally killed my first client. i know he was a kid but he kinda had it coming imo. sometimes kids just suck shit

im so delighted by this shitty little apartment-- it's got to be fucking bizarre to exist in, bc of the ultra-loft ceilings you need to make it be isometric, but it somehow manages to feel like a studio apartment and a seedy back office all at the same time. a game that is in general very fun to Look at. will have more thoughts as i continue playing but this is really scratching some sort of itch for me. commits to the bit. funny but sincere. a pastiche in ways i personally do not find annoying. has not hit me with like konami code style references yet. due to the fact this is also in my epic games store library i believe this was also free at some point

-

making

fallow week for me. phil has been regrowing skin at a good clip and i can no longer feel each individual vertebra, AND we have another vet appt on friday to get more/different antibiotic goop and all of her vaccinations and microchipping done. mack made a hairball and is getting put back on an actual wire slicker brush grooming schedule. my beautiful girl seems to have a particularly dense coat among the domestic shorthairs of my acquaintance, although that may be bc she is a new england girlie and we constantly exist in air conditioning?? mixed feelings about scheduled brushies from her, even with short and light sessions. we’ll get there.

helping.

[not-souleaterpost]

Yup, the other AMV/Edit from the iceberg, same reason for uploading it seperately. This one is less melodramatic, so if you disliked that about the last one maybe this one will get more than two likes on here lol. (Also some other thoughts and update after the break)

But first, the iceberg, if anyone is curious:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf_dGJyQJOc

Anyways, yeah, actually this one had a whole backstory (kinda) around it, remember like two years ago being on a walk and listening to the song and thinking "I guess this one could work as an amv- but nah amv's are emberassing, I would never make one" - guess history is funny like that. Still wonder if people got pissed of and left the iceberg video before ever coming to the part cause I kinda shittalked amv makers, guess I had to do it, it is what it is. Still, dunno think it turned quite well for basically the first amv I ever really made (think the closest I did before was cutting the Hey Arnold intro to Uptown funk when my brother asked me as a request 7 years ago lol, that shit got lost forever and only went up to the first 20 seconds or something anyways) But yeah, if I'm already rambling, guess this will probably be my last post for some time, will try to abstaine from just posting bullshit and spaming tags on here, hopefully for good but worst case atleast like for a month and a half. Ofcourse I'll upload more substantial shit here when I have something, but I think the rush of likes and responses is too much of a drug for me and takes up too much thoughtspace when I don't get the warm reception I want lol, it's a me problem, but still, prolly better for everyone to just concentrate on the big projects, so when I'm not busy with real life, I can deliver that instead of weird inside jokes or paragraph long theories and rants in the posts of other people (those who didn't mind that - apreciate you, real MVP's) So yeah, think I went on long enough, so yeah it is what it is, we'll see, hopefully I can make some progress on the iceberg again and actually get back on the chapters for SE Post too, kinda don't wanna abandon it for this long and I got a lot of things I wanna finally put to paper, just gotta work out logistic in every sense of the world (like real life shit but also story planning, cause I have all the events, but not sure how to put them in a timeline so there are no plotholes or weird pacing, but I'll figure it out) But as allways, if I fuck up everything again, or you don't really care and wonder why I'm writting as if anybody did: Yeah...Sorry

[dreamsister81]

Hi! Found this answer on a Redit thread. Your take?

he was probably bi. My friend who i worked with at a record store went out to dinner with him and some band mates and Jeff had some drinks and came on to him. I also knew of a couple of his girlfriends in NYC. He was probably like many people open to many things. That's all I will say.

Then there's this long spiel:

I’m late to the party but I went down a hole with this last year after I too listened to ‘Dream of you and I’ and was like that felt very personal and astute for someone everyone seems to assume is het. I went looking here then too and couldn’t find anything so hopefully the next person like me will find this.

I’m a queer person and have always strongly identified and loved his music but besides just my personal opinion that many of his songs have that ~queer energy~ and coding in them I did find a couple of less subjective things. Unfortunately none which lead to solid answers but might make other queer people like me feel happy and satisfied with what we are seeing in him (people who are die hard 'he could never be gay blah blah he’s had all these gfs' are never going to come around but for the rest of us it might be enough).

First big one is this 1997 article published a month after his death. https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1997-06-20-9706200305-story,amp.html it quotes him twice describing himself as a homosexual and gay. Unfortunately I can’t find the original articles from which the quotes are pulled for more context but for the most part... idk if we really need it. Feels to me like the author saw how he was being memorialised (perhaps knew him personally idk) and didn’t want this part of him to get lost. Here are the quotes in the event that article disappears one day too...

It's all about getting to a place where I can let my deepest eccentricities out," Buckley once said in an interview shortly after the Uncommon Ground show. "I just see things a little differently and express myself a little differently and I think it's because I haven't been in one place for very long (in four years, Buckley attended three high schools). So I was seen from my childhood as hyperactive, homosexual, weird, insane, obnoxious, offensive, funny. . . . It's a tremendous point of pain, my inability to relate to the status quo."

"I am a storyteller, lounge singer, I am the entertainer, I am the rock star, I am gay, I am wrong, I am there for the story to go down, the cocktail host-shaman, the little romantic chanteuse wanna-be," Buckley once said, trying to explain the image. He says he wanted it as the cover art for the album, but was talked out of it by friends and the record company. "All the men hated my Judy Garland jacket."

The article also mentions Judy Garland's jacket which he wears on the cover of Grace. Which would be my second obvious clue that he’s not a straight man. Idk how much you know about Judy but she was very much an icon in gay male circles at the time and prior - you can look that up if you’re unfamiliar and find plenty of info. He’s spoken about the jacket and other people have spoken about elsewhere too, you could look for more of that if you’re curious.

More directly from Jeff and related to his music is the Last Goodbye video which includes a clip of two men kissing. Pretty self explanatory. Whole video is pretty homo romantic tbh. Can’t imagine the record label was stoked about that if they didn’t even like the jacket. I imagine he would have had to fight to put that in which... why would you do that if you were straight?

Next I found some random forum thread (https://www.datalounge.com/thread/16719162-jeff-buckley) plenty of trolls and people being like no he’s straight and offering no real commentary but also some people who agreed. One gay guy who met him had assumed he was gay and didn’t find out he had a gf till after his death.

“Who actually knows? I met Jeff a bunch of times in NYC in 92/93. He was a nice guy. My BF went to NYU for grad school and I moved back there after leaving in 1988 when I graduated from there. Being back in the city, I threw myself back in the music scene. I would see him play and see him at other venues. I was 2 years older and liked Jazz. We mainly talked about music and guitars. I never asked, but always assumed he was gay. I was shocked when I found out that Joan Wasser was his girlfriend at the time of his death.”

Someone else there also mentions Judy Garland again and his cover of ‘The Man That Got Away’, you can listen to Jeff sing it on the Mystery White Boy live album. You could take his little intro to that song in a queer way too if you wanted.

Someone else in the thread also links to this 1995 MTV interview + outtakes video and just says “he seems gay in this video” which made me laugh but I mean.. they’re not really wrong. You should watch it either way because it’s a cute interview. https://youtu.be/vcxGwQKW6Ac

From the ‘In His Own Words’ book which fortunately and unfortunately is very obviously curated there are a couple things that are specifically queer. You’ll have to excuse any small errors in this, some of it is hard to read.

“Thanks for the beat, for the sumptuous rhythm you give that I continue at the silent handoff, watch me run baby. My baby’s got a strong right arm. The drag queen... such a queen, queen 4 my lust and juicy hope of happiness somewhere in this world... her back, her shoulders, her ecstatic downcast eyes that lead to her legs... just like my baby oh you should see her, you are both oh such the real thing, such the real thing... I smiled when you weren’t ready (word I can’t make out) the show and I brought you some (cut off page) kissed my cheek and it kept me (cut off page)”

“It’s something you don’t realize You’re funny that way Hatred and fascination Hatred and fascination

For the cultures closest to the earth For the lovers throughout history of the same sex For the feminine in all things For the body itself For the surrender and courage of the heart

DECODE THAT FUCKING EVANGELIST DEVIL DOCTRINE”

I feel like there was one more but I didn’t write it down and I can’t see it just flicking through the book again sorry - if I remember I’ll come back and add it next time I read it. There are other things in the book that also made me think he was queer but they were more subtle. Those are the two things that explicitly mention queerness. There’s also plenty in the book where he writes about sexual attraction to women or alludes to relationships with women so before someone comes at me about not acknowledging that - here I am. I will say though people who are gay have relationships with people of the opposite sex when they’re working themselves out, doesn’t make them any less gay. Also he could be any other variation of queer and be having relationships with people of any and all genders and identities.

You can read into all his lyrics or things he’s said in interviews or his general demeanour or whatever it is you want to. I could keep linking to what I recognise as queer coded but some of it’s more subjective and the rest of it is just too nuanced to try to articulate or argue on the internet.

Sentiment is basically that it’s very likely that he was gay or queer but that it was the 90s and that he grew up in the 70/80s - a time when being gay and out was not something one could comfortably or safely do much of the time. Especially not as a public figure. He was also very young, which unfortunately means maybe he never got to fully realise or authentically live out his queerness. Which really adds another layer of tragedy to his death if I’m honest.

If he was alive today with the evolution of queer language and general understanding we have now who’s to say how someone like Jeff - who was so obviously and openly in touch with his feminine side - would describe his gender identity let alone his sexuality.

Each to their own but if you’re queer and see yourself and your community reflected in him I don’t think anyone can accurately or definitively tell you otherwise.

It's all subjective opinion and an unsubstantiated claim imo...I don't think he was, but, as also claimed, "people that want to insist' won't be convinced otherwise...I have a very good idea who the long one is too lol. The Last Goodbye video...they seem to forget, or don't know, the part that involved Merri was inspired by Jean Cocteu who was, if the blurb I read is correct, gay... perhaps that was included to reflect that? Or maybe something similar was in something related to him that inspired? Who knows? They were also friends of her's, maybe she wanted them to be in it for whatever reason. They also miss a crucial thing: Jeff, to me anyway, did not think along lines, and may have acted in ways perceived as gay (hence being called so as a kid), but didn't think of it as being "gay" or "not gay", he just did whatever came, it doesn't necessarily mean he's gay...also, what they take as "codes" may not actually be (and people, please don't @ me, this is only my opinion and impression... I was asked, I'm replying, thanks)...

[streamsofstardust]

fall out boy blew my god damn mind last night. here are some highlights:

- pete's bass caught fire again. this time instead of after the phoenix, it was after my songs know what you did in the dark. i thought of sam with the flame thrower bass for a quick second but dev and i agreed that would be a terrible idea

- patrick sounds UNREAL live. like he's so insanely talented it's mind boggling. he's also So Small!

- patrick said "thanks pete" and i screeched

- all hail the weenie genie 🫡

- andy is a fucking BEAST bro like god damn. admittedly half the time i was watching him i was thinking about danny which prompted thoughts about danny covered in tattoos like andy and, well, it's too early to get into that

- joe tro!!!!! my wife!!!! love him to death i wanna give him hugs and drink tea together idk why

- pete put on a hoodie at one point and my friends and i were like sir what the god damn hell are you doing we're dripping in sweat and you're ???? wearing that???

- patrick's energy is next level. mans was moving and grooving

- setlist was fucking BANGIN like holy fucking shit it was actually fucking crazy. we didn't get bang the doldrums (they played hum hallelujah instead) and I'm going with the theory that they took BtD off the setlist bc gabe saporta was supposed to be there (his flight to philly got canceled) and gabey baby Knows Too Much

- THREE MAGIC 8 BALL SONGS! PAVLOVE LIVR DEBUT!! 27!!!! GINASFS!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I WITNESS???????

- also patrick singing enter sandman... did something to me. I'm not elaborating

- PATRICK ON PIANO PLAYING GOLDEN I WOULDVE SOBBED IF I WAS ABLE TO PROCESS WHAT I WAS SEEING

- folie does NOT get enough love

- i would've killed to see them play fame < infamy but i'll survive. would've slayed as a magic 8 ball song

all in all that was one of the best concerts i've ever been too and it made little tal so fucking happy bc i've been listening to FOB since i was like 6 years old??? so seeing them live nearly 20 years later it's just such an incredible feeling

-- -- -- -- -- --

and for anyone curious about BMTH, oli sykes is a god damn whore and i want to **** *** ****

[jaelvr]

Cupid ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Prompt list two!!

Home | Prompt Collection

I’m taking requests!

Respond to this with a member and number(s) and I’ll write an imagine for it!!

FLUFF -

1. “what are you do-” “look, now we match!” ( used here )

2. “You’re cleaning this up, right? Since this was your idea.”  

3. “Feeling better?” “It feels like I’ve been slapped but on the inside.” “So…no?" ( used here )

4. "I don’t think either of us are qualified for this but sure, go for it.”

5. “Shh- that’s just what you think.” “No, I’m pretty sure that’s what I know.”

6. “and why would I do this for you?” “Because you love me.” “Not enough- fine.”

7. “Who let you look so cute today?”

8. “Can we wait a second? I wanna take a picture of you right now.”

9. “I think I’m gonna fail this test-” “It’s okay, you pass in my heart.” “That means nothing.”

10. “Am I your favourite?” “I like your dog a bit more than you, I won’t lie." ( used here )

11. “This is unfair.” “I can’t help the fact you’re terrible at Mario kart." 

12. "since we’re dating, does that mean I can hold your hand whenever I want?”

13. “I’ve been looking for my hoodie-” “my hoodie, you mean.”

14. “I’ve always wanted to come here with you.”

15. “this song reminds me of you.”  ( used here )

16. “as much as I love food, I’m giving you the last piece just this once.”

17. “you’re cold?” “no? it’s super sunny right now-” “take my jacket anyway.”

18. “oh no, my head, it’s falling conveniently onto your shoulder!” 

19. “shut up and kiss me already.”

20. “i’ve waited for so long just to say that to you.”

21. “your hands are colder than the one time I lost a bet and I had to stick my hand into the snow for five minutes.”

22. “you seem like you want ice cream.”

23. “mcDonald’s is open, wanna go get some chicken nuggets?” “it’s 3 in the morning.” “and?” “let’s go.”

24. “you love me?” “i always have.”

25. “what’s that even supposed to be?” “it’s a drawing of you, idiot.”

26. “here comes the airplane!” “i can feed myself.” “too bad.”

27. “it’s a 4000 piece puzzle and you’ve finished maybe 100 pieces max. and how long have you been doing this?”

28. “i know it’s not the best but-” “i love it.”

29. “i can hear your heartbeat- why is it going so fast all of a sudden?” ( used here )

30. “I remember the first time we met.”

31.“I know it’s your favorite.” ( used here )

32. “Everything okay? You don’t seem like yourself.”

33. “Let me get that for you.” ( used here )

34. “I’m here to listen.”

35. “Let’s go out. Just the two of us.”

36. “I don’t have to ask, I know.”

37. “Fine, you can use me as a pillow.” 

38. “Well, I don’t, but you do.”

39. “I did it for you.”

40. “No one’s ever done this for me before…”

41. “Only you can call me that.” ( used here )

42. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

43. “It’ll take more than that to get rid of me.”

44. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

45. “We’ll get through this together.” ( used here )

46. “Don’t worry, I knew what you meant.”

47. “I’m not going anywhere.”

48. “You shouldn’t see that jerk anymore. I’m worried you’ll get hurt.”

49. “Wherever you are, that’s where my home is."

50. “Look who’s under the mistletoe!”

51. “i want to spend the day with you doing nothing.”

52. “i saw something today that reminded me of you.” ( used here )

53. “you bought me flowers?” ( used here )

54. “i never thought i’d feel this kind of happiness.”

55. “i still dream about you even though you’re mine.”

56. “where’s my goodnight kiss?”

57. “can you read to me?”

58. “i feel safe with you.”

59. “you can stay as long as you want.” ( used here )

60. “my love for you only grows with each passing second.”

61. “a man could hold the weight of worlds, but he could never carry the love i have for you.”

62. “you know, even if you left me, i’d still be yours.”

63. “i have so much love for you i almost don’t know what to do with it.”

64. “i’m falling in love with you.” ( used here )

65. “we’ll never get to sleep if you keep fidgeting like that.”

66. “kiss me harder.” ( used here )

67. “no, don’t stop. i like the sound of your voice.”  ( used here )

68. “you’re so cool.”

69. “you’re with me always.”

70. “i’d never turn down a kiss from you.”

ANGST -

71. “you didn’t just break my heart, you broke my trust.”

72. “i’ve waited a thousand hours to tell you exactly how i feel, but you don’t deserve an explanation.”

73. “i don’t have the energy to fight you anymore.”

74. “take what you want from me and just leave already.”

75. “i’m not ready to live without you.”

76. “i let you in, you and your poison, and now i’m no good.”

77. “you feel further away from me now than when you were a stranger.” 

78. “i don’t forgive you.”

79. “let me go.”

80. “it doesn’t matter how good the dream is, we always wake up.”

81. “you can’t be bitter now, this was your decision.”

82. “i lost myself the day i lost you.”

83. “i wish i could love you, i know you’d be good for me, but i can’t.”

84. “please don’t make me go, i want to stay.”

85. “the sad thing is, i’d do it all over again even for the same outcome.”

86. “you said you’d follow me anywhere” — “you know i can’t follow you there.” 

87. “you’re the only mistake i don’t regret, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a mistake.”

88. “you didn’t deserve me.”

89. “i loved you, you used me.”

90. “i’m allowed to move on.”

91. “i still wanted to believe that you are a good person after everything you’ve done to me. ”

92. “ you gave me another chance to be a new person again, but you didn’t seem to trust me enough. ”

93. “ why did you betray / leave me ? ”

94. “my heart desired for your love then. ”

95. “ why did you love me now ? ”

96. “ i have given you all my love but you threw them away like it was nothing. ”

97. “ now you want me like i wanted you ? ”

98. “ you’re wasting my time. ”

99. “ i just wish that we both had the same feeling back then. ”

100. “ we still can fix this, but we can’t be together again. " 

101. ” i regret meeting you. “

102. ” thanks for the trauma, by the way. “ 

103. ” it’s best for us to be strangers again. “

104. ” maybe there’s another universe where we have a happy ending we’ve always wanted. “

105. ” i hope to never see you again. “

106. ” i’ve seen the way you look at them, if they are the one, then leave. be with your true soulmate. “

107.  "what am i to you truly ? a puppet to be used to get what you want? ”

108. “ what am i to you truly ? ”

109.  “you manipulated me into believing your bullshits ! ”

110. “i don’t care if you need me, it’s your own fault for breaking our relationship. ”

111. “ why should i trust you again ? ”

112. “ we can’t go back like we used to, take a look what happened to us now. ”

113. “our relationship / friendship ends now. ”

114. “we were never meant be. ”

115. “of all people, why it should be you who hurt me ? ”

116. “I believe in you. I always have. Maybe that’s my fatal flaw.”

117. “I never forgot you. I couldn’t.”

118. . “After everything, how could you not trust me?”

119. “ I wanted this to end differently. ”

120. “There was only one way this could go.”

121. “I miss you, more than I thought possible.” ( used here )

122. “I thought you loved me.”

123. “There was an accident, They’re in the hospital.”

124. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

125. “I forgot you were like this.”

126. “ Do you think you could ever forgive me?”

127. “ It’s my fault that this happened. ”

128. “If you go through with this, you’ll be giving up everything you’ve ever known.”

129. “If I remember correctly, you never came for me.”

130. “I thought you left.”

131. “You left me.”

132. “I know you’re there, open the door.”

133. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

134. “Stop holding back, I can take it.”

135. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.”

136. “They are still in surgery, no updates.”

137. “ It was an accident, I swear.”

138. “I tried calling you. A few times actually.”

139. “I need to do this, why can’t you see that?”

140. “When will you let this go?”

141. “Everything I’ve done has been for you.”

142. “You were my best friend.”

143. “Why can’t you just listen to me?” 

144. “Please, just let me forget you.”

ENEMIES TO LOVERS -

145. “i know that you are my enemy , but you have intoxicated me into falling in love with you .”

146. “you’re the first person who is vulnerable enough to make me impossibly weak .”

147. “will i ever regret my own choice for loving you instead of killing you ?”

148.   “forget who we are , let’s make our new life together .”

149. “at first you were the hell that you gave me , until you become my heaven .”

150. “ I’ll try my best to deserve you .”

151. “i seek for peace , until i found you .”

152. “tell me , why does my own enemy could make feel safe ?”

153. “though you are dangerous , you are also capable of love .”

154. “my hands have stained with bloods and violence , yet you choose to hold them like a precious thing .”

155. “ i’ve hurt you , why would you seek love and warmth in me ?”

156. “i’d rather die in your arms than being stabbed by you .”

157. “curse me with your love , darling .”

158.“what did you do to me to make me fall in love with you ?”

159. “ you’re so pure and innocent , and i am scared to hold you and break you into pieces .”

160. “losing you is my worst nightmare .”

161. “i’m sorry for hurting you .”

162. “be in my dreams to replace the nightmares you have given me .”

163. “why do you want me of all people ?”

164. “i can’t help myself from falling in love with you .”

165. “let’s have a peaceful life , shall we ?”

166. “i shouldn’t have given you the scar , i hate it so much .”

167. “be happy with me .”

168. “ i’ve always hated your smile , but as i keep seeing you smile , i begin to admire them .”

169. “god really gives me a soulmate in a possible way , doesn’t he ?”

170. “i’m grateful to have you as my enemy .”

171. “i feel calm when i am with you .” ( used here )

172. “ teach me how to love , so i won’t hurt you .”

173. “all i knew in my life: love is a weakness . then you came into my life , making me stronger not to lose you .”

174. “every second i have spent with you , i’ll treasure them to remember you .”

175 .“ you don’t have any idea how much i love you .” ( used here )

176. “there are many reasons why i hate about you , but those reasons turn into something why i love you .”

177. “we were destined to be enemies , so we could fight against each other until we tire ourselves and find many reasons why we should stop and forgive each other .”

178. “i forgive you , despite the hell you have put me through .” 

179. “let us move forward into something new .”

180. “i should’ve let you die , but i chose to protect you .”

181. “sit , and let me tell you the reasons why am i falling in love with you .” ( used here )

182. “it’s impossible , isn’t it ? how two enemies can have feelings for each other ?”

183. “ let me protect you instead of fighting against you .”

184. “each day i am always worried something dangerous might happen to you , but i am the danger , aren’t i ?”

Enjoy !! <3

- Mars

[dirtybitfic]

Linger

matt sturniolo x fem reader

(just a cute little story I thought of it as I listened to linger by the cranberries )

You and Matt your best friend were taking a late night walk around the neighborhood clearing your minds and just getting some fresh air.

You both were sharing AirPods as you listened to the shared playlist you had made a while ago .

You both walked in comfortable silence as the summer cicadas were chirping and the warm breeze blew through your long brown hair .

hey does it smell like rain too you

yeah actually... is it supposed to rain

Matt took out his phone to check the weather app as he was looking thunder clapped .

FUCK

Rain started to pour down as linger by the cranberries started playing through your shared AirPods .

Come on lets get home were gonna be soaked and were a good amount of blocks from the house.

Matt grabbed your hand as you both started running

You couldn't help but laugh at the moment .

The perfect song for the moment blasting through your ears all you wanted to do was stand in the rain and spin around like a kid again.

Being 20 was so sad sometimes you just wanted to feel like a kid again even if it was for just a couple minutes.

M-MATT WAIT SLOW DOWN

NO WERE ALREADY SOAKED

I DONT CARE JUST STOP FOR A SECOND

OKAY OKAY

matt stopped as he turned to look at me as he kept a hold of your hand you just stopped and smiled looking up at the dark storm cloud covered sky letting the rain hit your face.

Matt couldn't help but stare at you admiring your care free spirit and beauty.

Y/n what are you doing

Taking the moment to feel like a kid again

Your so cute

You laughed and looked back at him as rain dripped off your hair and face.

He looked so beautiful with his wet hair and that beaming smile on his face.

He brought you closer to him holding you around the waist as he picked you up and spun the both of you around .

You laugh like a little kid feeling warm and safe in his arms.

The moment you were sharing felt like the perfect movie moment and all you wanted to do in the moment was kiss him.

Matt was having the same thoughts.

Matt set you down as your faces were only inches away you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in he leaned in too.

Your lips met and sparks flew through the both of you as you shared a sweet and loving kiss. You couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

Matt couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as you both pulled away.

Your the most beautiful girl in the world

Mattttt stoooop

im serious y/n your so beautiful it hurts

You smiled as you felt tears well in your eyes. No one has ever made you feel more loved than matt is right now .

Matt I like you and I mean like like you

why are you crying (your Nick name)

Because you make me feel loved matt . ive never felt so happy in my life

God I love you

I love you too matt

And I like like you too

Good or that would have been awkward

As much as I love you and this movie perfect moment im drenched and wanna get inside the house

Okay okay lets go you said with a light laugh and a stupid smile plastered on your face.

He took your hand in his as you both started running as a new song played in your ears.

Unwritten by Natasha bedingfeild .

another perfect song for the moment.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Most-Listened of April 2024

[last month]

Last month, I was just sooo excited about so much music (see: the giant five-star songs list)--I must have used up a whole lot of my enjoying-music energy, since this month I withdrew a bit & got super picky. (Which, for some reason, meant only enjoying three artists--Repion, Majiko, and Mon Laferte--for a solid week. No, I have no idea why my brain chose those three in particular!) So, I'm not feeling as sparkly as I did when I wrote last month's post, but there was still some awesome stuff this month (which is why I'm doing a top 20 instead of my usual 15!!).

Most of my favorite releases this month ended up being not-kpop, but my top 3 kpop releases of the month would be: "Undefeated" by XG (*insert obligatory acknowledgement of the "is XG kpop?" debate here*), "I'll See You There Tomorrow" by TXT, and "Candy Crush" by ARTMS!

1 . El Imán - Remix -- Delfina Campos, Santiago Martínez

If you, like me, still aren't over Tiffany's "I Just Wanna Dance", allow me to introduce you to...

2. La venganza de los Sith -- Comic Sans

By FAR my favorite release this month. This has the same indie-boy euphoria as "joyrider" by second thoughts, which is an instant win in my book!

3. Abittipsy -- Youha

I think I'm a normal amount of angsty for a college student! "Abittipsy" signifies an about-average amount of angst... right?

4. It Was Coming All Along -- Maggie Rogers

I don't really understand these lyrics, but they've been haunting me anyway. I guess I never get tired of this kind of apocalypse song--the ones that aren't even all that angry or scared anymore, they just sound completely exhausted. For me, they're always the most powerful.

5. Solo en Vos -- Luciana Tagliapietra

Loving the trend of synthy music that sounds straight out of a video game! And this synth is especially well-produced--the texture is IMPECCABLE.

6. Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen

Down two spots from last month, but still awesome!

7. Luz -- Ine Güemes

Another repeat offender! (I told you, this month wasn't all that exciting.) It's moved up a spot from last month, though. This album has a stranglehold on my soul btw.

8. Hemofilia - Remix -- Delfina Campos, Ferla

Re: Tiffany's "I Just Wanna Dance" !!

9. El día no me da -- Repion

Just an average Repion song--which, of course, means it's fantastic and has been my go-to song every single day for the last month.

10. Altas Nubes -- Adrià Salas, Repion

It's sooooo DND coded.

11. Spotlight -- Creepy Nuts

I love Creepy Nuts so much, and this one encapsulates everything that got them on my stan list in the first place--the incessant energy, the creative instrumentals, the rock influences !!!

12. Undefeated -- XG, Valorant

Yessssss sound design for the win!! There's never a dull moment in this song--XG really are bringing the thrill back to girl crush, and I couldn't be happier!

13. Nightshift -- Bruce Springsteen

This month's sulking song, I dare say? I'm SOOOO lucky I got to hear it live in March, and I've been addicted since. And it makes me SO SAD OH MY GOD--

14. Stayaway - Now, Now Remix -- MUNA

I still love the original, but this one had me at house keys!

15. Martes -- Repion

I'm getting sooo tired of complimenting Repion (look, I've been doing it nonstop since the release of their album last February). So I'll just say: harmonies good yes.

16. The Kill -- Maggie Rogers

Watching the live performance on YouTube broke me a little. This isn't the most exciting song, but Maggie Rogers makes it SO emotional in the most wonderfully subtle ways--a little sentimental, a little resigned. As Phoebe Bridgers once said, "I feel something."

17. Dice -- Onew

The album is better, but this is really cute! I must have left it on repeat while doing homework or something this month.

18. Alley Rose -- Conan Gray

This goes out everyone who cried to "Wish You Were Sober" in 2020 !!!

19. Found Heaven -- Conan Gray

I like the lyrics way more than I like the actual song, but I like the lyrics a LOT. "There's a God / in the sky / don't believe him." GODDAMN.

20. .tumblr -- Saramalacara

I want big clumsy melody-heavy EDM back!!!! Make dark-concept kpop like this again pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee

Five-Star Songs (& Albums!) This Month

Alley Rose -- Conan Gray (Now THIS is how you make retro exciting again. "Alley Rose" has disco and psychedelic rock built into the bones of its Elton John tribute, and the layers and layers of influences are just so endlessly fascinating to me!)

Amárrame -- Mon Laferte, Juanes (I ran across this during that weird week where I could only enjoy like 3 artists, and I'm so glad I did! I already expect Mon Laferte choruses to be wonderful, but this one still managed to take my breath away. Love at first listen, the vocal layering and the drums and the VOCAL LAYERING GUYS GUYS LISTEN TO THAT CHORUS. To my 10th grade Spanish teacher--I like a Juanes song now! Sorry it took me so long lol)

World -- MUCC (I've liked this since it came out, but it just hit differently this month. I don't know, maybe I'm just more obsessed with multilayered vocals than usual this month--which would explain the Repion obsession, actually...)

Como Bailan los Demás (Lado B) -- Delfina Campos (I think I'll always be that guy who wants my albums aesthetic, and this selection of hazy, muted club tracks is exactly what I'm looking for in an album worth leaving on repeat. It all flows together so effortlessly, and Delfina Campos really got my attention with these performances--so delicate, and so captivating. I'll have to go back and check out their other stuff!)