#like why is the energy so shockingly miserable

[boysnberriespie]

Whoa that’s literally crazy, I was following some mean ass people on Twitter 😭

[samlacy]

love me, touch me (be the first who ever did)

contains: size difference, short steve rogers (5'5/167), tall reader (6'2/187), call boy steve (🛐), inexperienced reader, hurt reader :((, reader fell first and steve fell harder, jacking off, wrong number oops, little awkward, lowkey innocent reader idk, sex pro steve

REMEMBER THIS IS ONLY PART 1 OF THIS STORY! I might write part 2, I'm not sure though..

this font --- italic is for stuff that happend in the past!

I read over it, but might be that there are still mistakes..

words : 2k

☆☆☆

You don’t like yourself very much, not hate, but also not love. Your looks had no problem pretty much, you were slightly muscular, had a good style, hell even looked good in a suit! Your hair was wavy, a grown out two block cut. Plus you don't wear spectacles, except for reading. The only thing that made you miserable in your dating life was,

you were really hopeless.

Which dude would be nervous and blush everytime over some small stuff! No wonder your presentations were so poorly done in your work life or the way you wouldn't refuse to take shots when asked. Even though you promised yourself you won't drink.

As soon as you got home from the drinking with your work colleagues, you stumbled when you tried to take your shoes off inside your house as soon as you locked the door. Face first you landed on the wooden floor, no more energy to atleast loosen up your tie or to even stand up.

Well, atleast you were good in one single thing in your miserable life,

drinking yourself full into oblivion.

Your eyes focused into blankspace. Thoughts flashed into your brain. Here you go again.

"I'm sorry, I'm.. so..", you sob out as you looked down on your knees. Arm on your sides as you don't even dare to look up once.

Silence for a while, the rejection surely floated in the air already. God how useless were you?

"You.. you can't do it?", the feminine voice spoke out loud enough for it to hit you straight through your brain and heart.

The woman left a sigh as she spoke up again "At this point, it makes sense. Whenever I want something, you are so kind and do it. It's like you are submissive. I wonder if you are just going along with what I say." tears were so close to spill, why you? "You always turn so red and flustered. You are shockingly unreliable."

'Don't cry, come on. Don't cry you hopeless shit.' Ever since your miserable first time, you are scared shitless of ever doing it again. Your looks might be great, but your body felt so.. big. This all happend right where she told you she loved you, too. Life sucks.

The constant imaginations of being less hopeless were so pleasing. Just why were you like this? Who the fuck did you insult in your past life that you turned out like this? The feeling of not being good for anything because of how hopeless you were, was utterly sickening.

'nineth floor.' the voice in the elevator said as the doors opened. Someone with black sneakers, grey joggers with a plain black t shirt on stepped out as he was talking on the phone. A leather jacket hugged them loosely while he looked at the door numbers. Eyes focused on the doors, as his mouth kept on talking.

"Uh yeah, if the guy from yesterday asks for me, just say I'm busy at the moment", he stated as he stood suddenly in front of a door. Turning towards it as he read the number under his breath 'one, two and seven.'

"Okay, I'm here. I will call you soon, bye!" the call ended with a click as steve brushed his hair back one more time, put the phone in the pocket. The door was luckily open, so he pressed down the handel and opened it.

Surely, he didn't except this view. You were laying down on the floor, face down, suit all wrinkled and hair kinda messy. The concerned face on Steve's face was mixed with huge confusion.

"Are you sleeping?" he asked as he ran up to you, slamming the door behind. He dropped on his knees and rubbed your back, "Dude, are you okay?"

The response were little sounds of whines leaving your mouth. The tears and alcohol made you not wanna be bothered and close your eyes tightly. You were somehow half asleep.

'Hah. Cute.' he thought to himself as he smirked and caressed your face with a hand. Your cheeks were burning and your body was hot as hell! Shocking for a time like winter.

"Get up, you will catch a cold if you sleep here on the floor, silly", he warned with a smile. You couldn't see that sweet smile as you were still not aware of the world around you with your eyes closed.

Not with a lot patience, he lifted you halfway up and leaned your back on the wall while you were still sitting. He took your backpack off and you finally twitched your eyes under his touch. He huffed when you still didn't wake up!

One shake on your shoulder made you open your eyes slightly, till they were halfway open. Unironically you looked around and looked back at the guy in front of you, "Where.. where am I?"

The cold hand hit your hot cheek again. Fuck, why did it felt so nice and safe. As if he would hold you between his arms forever. Your view was hazy as you saw a, of course blurry face approach you closer, and closer.

Now not only a cold feeling was on your burning cheeks, but also on your lips. A kiss was planted on your lips, your body felt like levitating right there. "Wakey wakey!" the adorable voice spoke again, and now everything was clear. Your eyes shot up open fully as you broke the kiss by gasping.

"Who.. Who are you?" you squeaked as you pushed yourself more onto the wall. The guy stared in confusion as he pouted slightly. He brushes his hair back and talks again "You literally booked me?"

Silence.

"I'm your call boy! My name is Steve rogers, just call me steve", he clarified with a big smile spreading ear to ear. His eyes were closed from the smile.

This all is so confusing right now. You don't remember this at all? You look to your side and see your phone laying. Did you really call him earlier?

"I'm s-sorry.. I do not remember..!" you confess as you tried to pull away more, but steve had a grip on your jaw as he kissed you once again "It's okay.." he nibbled on your neck, licking and swirling on it. Suddenly he grabbed your erection with the hand that holded your jaw earlier.

"Don't you want me to make you feel good?", he asked it so innocently, that it felt like it was normal to just say that! You blushed even more, stuttering mode was on. The tomatoes were sure jealous of your redness.

He grabbed it again and cood at how it twitched as it was painfully rubbinf against the fabric of your boxers and jeans. He was so weirdly focused on you.

"I'm sorry.." you apologize with your shakey voice. He looked up to you as he tilted his head. "Why are you apologizing? I infact like the way you got hard from me being myself."

You whimpered at the touch. He started unbuckling your jeans as you gripped his upper arms tightly. You were so nervous and shocked by the sudden moves you couldn't do anything except whine and hold yourself steady by his arms. He pulled your hardened cock out of your underwear and started jacking you off. You gasp as you stab your nails through his leather jacket.

"I can't! Im s-sorry..", you gasp it out as tears started prickling up in your eyes. The moves didn't stop, he kept on going while focusing on your face. 'He is so red.. It's cute' Steve thought to himself, now his eyes moved to your cock, as he realized you were close by your fast breathing, he started covering the tip with his thumb.

You let out a loud 'Ah!' sound as you tilt your head back and let out big breaths, your body was shaking from the Stimulation going on.

"You have a thing for pain, don't you?" Steve asked teasingly as his hand left it and moved to your thigh, just caressing it as he looked into your eyes.

You were still in a shocked space as you stuttered and stumbled over your lines. He had a weird suspicion in him. You were different from his other client's, you were way more inexperienced and easily flustered. Which he found totally adorable.

"Oh, darling. You deserve to feel even better than this", his hands brushed against your cheek again as he played with your bottom lip using his thumb.

Those words were so.. warm. Way warmer than his hands being so cold. It made you rethink about your ex girlfriend.

"You can't do it?"

That sentence filled up your brain, the voice didn't stop repeating it. It was getting louder, louder and louder. How can anyone be so calm about this? It started from there on. Pants were leaving your mouth, eyes turned red as the tears started to spill. One by one. They didn't stop, they kept on going.

Steve looked you up and down, he then realized you started to cry. Of course, he got scared that he did something wrong! He immediatly started wiping them away with his hand as he started asking why you were crying and if he did something wrong.

"No! No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just that..", you took a deep breath as you spoke again "I'm so not used of someone being so nice to me, I always felt miserable. I'm just so hopeless, I was never good in sex. My girlfriend even got sick of it, I never know what to do while it. I get too overwhelmed."

You calmed down a little after you let that off your chest, it felt too good. Until a guilt hit you. Just now, you totally burdend yourself to a person you just met.

Instead Steve started hugging you tightly, "I understand, just because you suck in it doesn't mean I will leave. I will help you all the way through this."

You let yourself deep into the hug. He caressed your back a little before he snuggled into your neck and started saying something.

"What I find weird is, you struggle with sex, but wanted to bottom? You know I specialize in topping."

"B-bottom??"

"Yeah, bottom. It means when you receive it, the cock."

"..WHAT? First of all.. I didn't c-call you!"

Steve looked just as shocked as you this moment, he said he thought you just forgot because you were drunk. He quickly snatched his phone out as he looked through the adress.

"This is room 127 of southstar apartment right?" you nodded as he kept on looking, but it popped in his head as he looked at it in horror.

"Which Building is this..?"

"U-uh.. Building B."

"I'M SO SORRY!" he apologized dearly as he took your hand and squeezed it hard enough. His head was tilted down as he looked ashamed.

You quickly accepted his apology as you explained how you also thought you called him since you were pretty insecure.

"It was ... good anyway", you blushed as you looked up to the now standing steve. He smiled as he looked at the time, clearly needing to go to his client's house now.

"Sorry for today, I will take you out some time. We could talk about your sex problems then, huh."

"O-oh yeah uh.."

'He is so awkward, but it's cute.' steve thought to himself.

"After all I'm a sex pro!"

'Woah.. sex pro! This guy is insane' you got oddly fascinated by that as you just looked up to him and nodded.

You immediatly pulled your phone out to get his number, which you succesfully achieved. And meanwhile you knew his name, not like you didn't before, just on your phone now!

You waved goodbye as he left through your door to the elevator. You closed the door behind as you sighed and ruffled your hair.

He was so handsome.

"So cute", steve whispered to the air as he smiled at the number on his phone.

[pilferingapples]

(only answer this if you're in the mood for it of course) If you had to choose one colour and one single object for each of the five books in Les Miserables, which ones would you choose and (optionally) why?

oooh what a fun complicated question, I love this question! SHOCKINGLY I got long-winded about symbolism in the Long Winded Symbolism Book:

Tome 1: Fantine Color: Gold/ yellow gold for Fantine's hair, and also as a color strongly tied to wealth; no other volume is going to focus quite as much on finances as this chapter, from the Bishop and the wealth he rejects, to Valjean and his rising economic status, to Fantine and the commodification of her life to gain a few gold coins here and there. Object: a cart-wheel. I thought about the candle-sticks, and jet beads, and ships, and even teeth,but it's gotta be a cart-wheel. The wheels that carry the passengers and drivers of society but have no energy of their own; the wheels that crush anyone who falls underneath them, that take enormous force and energy and even demand the risking of life to move, break and splinter when needed to right injustice, and block all progress when stilled. The cart-wheels that stop when the horse dies, block off all hope of success at the Waterloo Inn, crush Fauchevelent and almost stop Valjean from saving his own soul. Frigging cart wheels.

Tome 2: Cosette Color: Black the color of a night in the dark forest, the inside of a grave or sunken road, Paris in the silence of a dark chase, a nun's habit. The color of despair, sure, the color of imprisonment, yes, but also the color of concealment, meditation, the unknown, peace. Object: I also considered: a water-bucket, a broken chain (for Cosette and Valjean both in this Book!), and Catherine the doll-- but it has to be a coffin. I'd say a tomb, but a coffin is more visually iconic and , of course, more immediately relevant to JVJ . LM is full of tomb and coffin imagery, but this is THE Tome of Tombs and coffins -- the impromptu tombs of the sunken road of Ohain, the chosen symbolic tomb of the convent itself (the nuns have to symbolically die and be reborn to fully enter!), the literal and ironically lifesaving coffin that Valjean is buried in. Tome 3: Marius MAN THIS ONE WAS SO HARD

Color: Green I REALLY AGONIZED ON THIS , it was Green or Blue though ; but the only real strong Blue imagery here is it being part of Marius' vision of Cosette

Green though! the color of growing things and spring and little seedlings just starting to grow, and flowers and Flora, and of Marius' secondhand coat , which looks black at night. New beginnings hidden in mourning , despite the losses of the past; flowers and growing things as signs of loss and loss as a beginning! It's what this Tome is all about, growth from grief and loss, and the grief and loss that comes from growth. Object: a piece of paper, folded into a letter. We won't get Marius' Epic Love Note until next Tome, but letters have enough of a starring role here as is! The letters Gillenormand burns to keep Marius apart from his father; the letter that doesn't burn that sends Marius to his father's deathbed; the note from his father that becomes his talisman (until lost); the letters that Thenardier sends to beg (and extort?) money, that connect Marius to Eponine and then Cosette again; letters as proof of status, proof that " we weren't meant to be like this--" ; letters as proof of identity, as love, as warnings, as traps. Letters as connection across time and generations and class and death. Tome IV: The Idyll and the Epic Color: Red Object: The Barricade look maybe both these options are stereotypical here but they are also correct. There's a whole song and years of Tumblr jokes about everything Red symbolizes and it's all in play here. It's desire and dawn and wine and warmth and death and revolution and warning and blood and fire and flowers and love. Especially love.

And the barricade is not just the single biggest Symbolic Object in the novel, it's especially the symbol of everything together, every loaded Symbolic Object in the whole book, wagon wheels and windows and doors and letters and stones and carts and yeah, probably coffins, the way this part of the novel is everyone's storylines coming together. A heap of joy and a heap of sorrows, all coming together to fight desperately for something better. Sometimes things are iconic for a reason.

Tome V: Jean Valjean Color: White White for dawn that's not the hour of waking; for Cosette's wedding gown; for a bottle of ink; for untouched marble and stone after the writing is washed away. Object : THE CANDLESTICKS I almost went with these for Tome I but no!! they belong here! in Valjean's Book! HIS symbols, that he finally gets to pass on , and oh geez if I get going on that I will NEVER post this, but you get it anyway right? you get it. It's gotta be the candlesticks, here at the end.

Thank you ! this was very fun to think about!!

[chocobo-latte]

"You've Always Been My Home"

Having a family of his own had never really occurred to Kenma before. The thought of caring for children was nerve-racking; anxiety-inducing even. They screamed and cried, and they got snot and candy on everything which included gaming systems and Kenma did NOT have the patience to keep that from happening. It wasn't that he disliked dirt and messes, he just didn't want his gaming equipment ruined.

Plus, he wasn't even the parenting type. He spent all his time gaming or working, went to bed at ungodly hours, and didn't do anything that would cause him to unnecessarily use his limited amount of energy.

That, however, changed when Kuroo came back into his life. It'd been three years since he'd seen his best friend, the older male having moved away when he started college. They'd kept in touch via texting and phone calls, but then they'd both gotten busy, and the texts and calls had started happening less and less. So Kuroo showing up at his door with a fourteen-month-old in his arms had been unexpected, to say the least.

They'd needed a place to stay and how could Kenma say no? He had been his best friend after all. Kuroo had told him that he'd tried Akaashi and Bokuto, but they had their hands full with their three kids, two of which were under the age of one.

So they began staying with him, moving into the extra room in his apartment. And weirdly, things were fine, much to Kenma's surprise. The first few days his anxiety had been on high alert, but after seeing how calm and well-behaved Akane was, he'd begun to relax. She did from time to time, reach for his Switch or his Playstation controller, but her hands were never usually sticky or wet with drool when she did, and if they were, Kuroo would stop her and wipe her hands first. He'd tell her "you can't touch those with dirty hands,' and soon she was going up to him when they needed to be wiped.

That had definitely helped Kenma relax even more.

Kuroo promised they would be out of his hair soon, but that had been six months ago. He kept saying the same thing about once a week. He didn't leave. Didn't make a move to do so. Kenma wasn't sure why he was so eager to find a place. It couldn't be too hard for him to find a place, he knew he made good money. He couldn't find himself caring. Kuroo could stay as long as he wanted.

He didn't want to admit it, but he was glad that Kuroo seemed to be putting off leaving. He knew he wouldn't be able to live without him AGAIN. And he and Akane had begun to bond, much to the blond's surprise. They'd shockingly become close, Kenma thinking of her as his own child. Thought of all three of them as a family. He wouldn't be able to live without her either. And he knew if Kuroo moved, things may end up like they had last time; losing touch, never speaking again. So he kept silent.

He kept silent until a month later. Kuroo had given him the same 'promise' once again and Kenma's curiosity had got the better of him. So he asked, "Are you just saying that or do you mean it?" That had come out a lot harsher than he'd meant it and he didn't miss the way Kuroo winced.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've been saying the same thing at least once a week for eight months, but you never make an attempt to leave." Kuroo opened his mouth to respond, but Kenma quickly stopped him by beginning to speak again, "It's not that I don't want you here, I do. I love having you and Akane around, but I just don't know what YOU want. You say one thing, but then do the opposite."

"Have you considered there may be a reason?" At Kenma's blank face, he continued, "I can't stand the thought of losing you again, Kenma. Do you know how miserable I was when we weren't talking? Or that I was so far from you to begin with? Nothing ever felt right without you. Nothing. But now…being here with you, everything just feels right again. Maybe that’s why I keep putting off moving out."

"You were miserable without me?"

"That’s what you focus on? Yes, Kenma, I was miserable without you. Wherever I was I never felt comfortable or happy. The only bit of happiness I felt these past few years was when Akane was born. But everything else? No. None of it made me happy and it was because I wasn't with you."

Kenma gulped, mouth having gone dry. "So…what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I love you Kenma and I've loved you for so fucking long. And I don't want to be without you anymore. I keep putting off moving out because this is my home, you're my home. You've always been my home…"

Kenma didn't even let him say another word. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down so that he could press his lips to his.

"Then stay. Don't ever leave me again."

[hariboz]

HELLO HELLO ML !!!! so sorry for the late reply ive been shockingly sorta busy these days :0 BUT IM BACK 2 TALK TO MY FAVE WRITERRRRR ( AKA U !!!!! )

ALSO I LISTENED TO SOME OF THE NCT WISH SONGS N HANDS UP IS DEF MY FAVE SO FAR ( u successfully influenced me ) n im totally gonna watch that bakery thing n get back to u bc why is that so cute.. ILL LYK MY POTENTIAL BIAS TOO N SEE IF UR PREDICTIONS R CORRECT 🤞🏻

I FEEL SO BAD FOR U LOVIE T__T i actually got lucky n found some zb1 digi albums at the kpop store in a mall where i live N TELL ME HOW I GOT ANOTHER WOOK !!!!! i love my man u guys ( i also got a hao n two gyubs <3 ) ALSO IKR ??? yujins pcs r so cute n pretty for no reason i swear T^T ACTUALLY SENDING MY RICKY PCS TO U I NEED TO SAVE UR WALLET !!!!! i love him but the way that hes avoiding u like that needs to end !! u both shld be reunited 🤭

&& IKR ?!?!?! wk1 being a good company was not on my 2024 bucket list but im not mad ???? LIKE LETS GO, despite it being such a stupid controversy im glad they shut the "zeroses" up n let my man free !!

NOT THE OLLIE FUND ( i dont blame u ) I SAW THAT URE GETTING THE MAGAZINES FOR HIM N GETTING SOME PCS IN APRIL ?!?! GOOD LUCK W/ UR PULLS !!! although u can get no wrong ones i mean.. ITS OLLIE !!!! but im so excited to see what u get ( if u get any good ones i might steal them, watch out... )

— 🎀

HELLOOOOO POOKIE <3 i’m glad ur back !! && AS YOU SHOULD hands up is soooo fun omg!! they did perform wish which is their debut song at smtown so if you’d like to check that out before the mv drops on the 28th…here you go 🥹🫶🏻 YESS watch wish bakery it’s SO cute ugh i love them all so much (my bet is still on riku & ryo + sakuya being your faves!! but they’re all so lovely <3)

i got 4 (FOUR!!) cheap mp digis on neokyo a while ago but STILL NO WOOKIE!! like this is personal atp…bc i have to buy ricky’s usually i actually end up with doubles 😭 i join multiple inclusion group orders and by the time all of them get to me i usually alr have the rickys i need…it was this way for yits & mp so i guess i just don’t learn LMAO maybe i should use the double rickys to trade for some wookies 🤭

i fear this will be the only time wk1 does something right…i don’t trust them to keep this up 😭 omg also “zeroses” are always mad abt something, i just stopped using twt bc every time i do i turn miserable bc why are k-zeroses mad over taerae doing gg dances well??? put this energy into something else oh my god

OLLIE FUND! OLLIE FUND! [chanting] i’m pretty sure the asy final will also be entirely decided on paid votes so….😵‍💫 i guess i’ll have to tap into the fund…? i sound insane but that’s my SON he needs to debut..!! speaking of the final..it’ll be a live show which should be obvious…but also it’s asy and all the eps were filmed in like october/november except for the rankings so 😭 i’m ready to have another breakdown like i did w the bp final…i guess…OLLIE FIRST OLLIE CENTER LETS GOOO!! &&& YES THE MAGAZINES!! i’m so excited for them oh my god!! & actually the pcs are guaranteed if i read everything correctly!! so the ones you see on that one post are the ones i’ll actually get and HES SO CUTE i’m so excited 🥹🫶🏻

[theincuhusbands]

Snuggling in the dark - (Diana x Reader)

Summary – When Y/N gets sick and Diana’s working in the Abyssal Planes, one phone call is enough to send her right back home to look after her sick Y/N.

Warnings – Strong language, fluffy, kissing, sick reader, self-conscious reader

Word Count – 1398

There was a long pause as the tension in me grew. The soft glow of the phone screen lighting up my darked-out room, even on its lowest brightness setting it’s too bright. The ringing of the phone seemed to go on forever. I sat and stared at it, squinting, as it rang wondering wither I should just give up and hang up.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

“Hello?”

I jumped slightly not actually expecting her to pick up at this point. I dropped my phone off my bed and scrambled quickly to pick it up, sitting up unnaturally straight, the quickness of it all making my head pulse. “Em hi…” There’s a shuffling on her side of the phone. “Oh, sorry didn’t mean to bother you if you’re busy.” I bite my lip gently, mentally kicking myself for calling her.

My girlfriend Diana, had been working for the last couple of days down in the abyssal planes, usually she tries not to go, getting Sergeant or Saero to deal with the problem but this one seemed pretty important. Something to do with the human new year’s about to mess with something the abyssal planes. Diana doesn’t talk too much about demon politics and I don’t press her on it, usually. She is supposed to be coming back on Friday, two days from now but no matter how I try to rationalise with myself, it still seems like an eternity away.

“No no no- I- I’m not busy.” I hear the hushed angry voices of her threatening them out the room while I cringe slightly knowing she probably is busy. “Whats wrong N/N?”

I gulp now. “Well I-“

“Why aren’t you out? Today isn’t a human holiday is it?”

I try to get my answer out, failing miserably as I stumble all over my words. “I- I um… I took a s-sick day?”

There is a long pause over the phone as she seems to process what I said. It takes a couple seconds before she says quite flatly “you’re sick?”

I pull the sleeves of my jumper over my hands, bundling it up slightly. “Yeah, I mean it’s-“

I’m cut off by a blinding light appearing from the middle of my room, as I wince, I watch a glowing purple pentagram appear in the middle of the floor and Diana rise from it. She stands for a second facing away from me breathing in the air before she turns to me rushing to my side. “Are you alright?!”

I laugh slightly cupping her face with my hands and pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry.” She freezes for a second before wrapping her arms around me and hugging me back. I smile widely leaning into her ear. “I missed you.” I pull back and try to make out her face. I meet her beautiful red eyes and I feel my palms get sweaty as I feel uneasy.

She looks around my pitch-black room before looking back at me. “Why is it so dark in here?” I flop back on my bed and onto my pillows. “I have a migraine… and an uneasy stomach, haven’t been able to keep food down…”

I feel the bed next to me shift as she lays down, wrapping her arm around my waist pulling me closer. Her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pierced into a thin line. She looks almost… guilty. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

I grin wildly as I lean in and give her a short peck. “Just you being here is enough.” When I pull back, her face still looks worried. “This isn’t your fault you know” I gently lean my head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat and feeling her chest slowly rising and falling. I feel her arms wrap around me even tighter. “I should have been here”

“You’re here now.”

I feel safe and at ease snuggled up, practically on top off Diana although she doesn’t seem to mind. Feeling her warmth and her soft arms resting on me. She smiles weakly at me, looking away embarrassed “I’m not sure what to do for a sick human…” I look up at her adjusting my head on her chest. “What do you do for a sick demon?”

She shrugs slightly, taking in a deep breath as she tucks a stand of hair behind my ear. “I mean we don’t… we don’t really get I’ll but if we do… I mean magic.” I nod as I snuggle deeper into her. Silence fills the room as we sit still for a moment before I clear my throat. “Depending on what the human is sick with… medicine or giving them hot soup helps.”

Diana nodded thoughtful before asking “Have you had medicine?” I think back to this morning, which since I was shattered, is a bit hazy. “Yeah, I had some aspirin…” She purrs in response to that as I feel her fingers lightly start to tap my waist. “And soup?” I shake my head letting out a breath I didn’t even know I had been keeping in. “No… I really couldn’t be arsed making any.”

She smiles as she gently pushes me off her standing up. “Then that’s what I’ll do!” I groan as I lean back on the much colder mattress. “NooOOooOooo…” She cups the side of my face with her hands making my face burn bright red as she plants a kiss on my forehead. “Baby, I want to help you… so I’m going to go make you that soup…” I look into her eyes which are filled with a mix of worriedness of sadness.

Guess she must feel pretty helpless when it comes to human health. I start to get the feeling it’s more for her own sanity than mine. “Ok fine…”

She smiles widely as I grab a pillow and hug it tightly, pouting. She walks to the door and out into the hall. “Can it be F/S?” I don’t have the energy to shout so it comes out as more as a loud talking.

It doesn’t take long after she’s gone for the gears to start turning in my head. If she’s gonna do something nice, then I can try too!

------

Diana’s back in a shockingly quick ten minutes which surprises me, but then again cooking succubus magic? I clear my throat, but it still comes out as a grimy “Come in.”

When Diana walks in she’s watching the bowls of soup trying not to spill them. She walks in slowly, then tries to shut the door behind her. The level of concentration trying not to spill the bowls was causing her to pull one of the cutest faces I’d ever seen. I smile to myself as she turns round finally looking up at me. So, surprised she almost drops the bowls. I had set up a couple of scented candles I’d bought since all the shops had been having their huge sales on trying to get rid of Christmas stock. I’d taken out the warm apple and cinnamon scented candles and let them on a turned over box which I’d thrown a blanket on to make a little table. I had thrown my hair into a messy bun and stuck it on the top of my head.

Diana was speechless before she coughed and looked down at her feet a bright red blush covering her cheeks. “Em I hope you don’t mind I made myself a bowl?” I nod laughing a bit as I wipe my nose. “I’m surprised you’d even want to eat around me.”

She looks up at me as she walks over sitting down across from me and setting the bowls of soup on the table. “You kidding? I love eating with you Y/N”

The bowl of soup smelled amazing. I couldn’t wait. I quickly grabbed a soon and dug in. The soup was astoundingly good! I couldn’t get enough of it. I looked up to see she was sitting eagerly, biting her lip. “Well? Is it good enough?”

I beam brightly. “It’s fantastic. Thank you”

She blushes as she starts to dig into hers and we enjoy our makeshift dinner-date. It may be on a box, on a Wednesday afternoon, in my blacked-out bedroom and I may be all snotty and disgusting while she looks perfect but its our little dinner. 

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 40 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Click here for previous chapters here on AQ or here if you’d rather read on AO3. xoxo!

Thank you so so much to @saiphl and @sillylittlecandycane for beta-reading!!

Chapter Summary: Courtney does her best to support Adore’s new relationship, even as Tati comes to a disappointing realization.

Chapter 40: Don’t Cry Out Loud

“Omigod, your dorm room is so cute!” Courtney squealed, and Roy hid a smile, settling down on the bed. Of course Courtney would find the stark white, institutional shared room which was barely bigger than a prison cell just adorable.

He lounged on the bed, wordlessly stretching his arms out, grin deepening when she immediately climbed up to settle into his embrace, sighing softly. He kissed her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of her, wondering why it felt like a million years had passed since they last saw each other. He wanted to go back home for their anniversary a few weeks ago, but midterms had been kicking his ass and he just couldn’t take the time away. Courtney seemed fine about it, even telling him not to worry when he’d promised to make it up to her, but he was aware that she might be harboring some resentment.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured. “I’m so, so sorry I had to cancel the last-”

She silenced him with a kiss, passionate and deep, her fingers digging into his shoulders telling him that all was forgiven, that she still loved him, that they were good.

“I missed you, too…” Her arms tightened around him. “Anyway, Happy Belated Anniversary…”

“Two years,” he said, kissing her lightly. “It’s been pretty good, huh?”

“The best.”

It was a few minutes before he felt any need to speak again, content to hold her close, occasionally seeking out her lips for soft, messy kisses. He tried to keep himself from getting too excited, since he was aware that his roommate could easily burst in at any moment. (Joe had promised to sleep elsewhere, but it was only 5 pm, so he didn’t think that deal had begun just yet.)

Soon though, Courtney had rolled over on top of him, body warm and pliant, kisses growing more and more heated. When her hands drifted down to his fly, tugging at the button, he regretfully stopped her, breathing hard.

“We should, uh...wait a little bit. Just until I know we can have some real privacy.”

“Okay,” she agreed, sitting up, running a hand through her hair. She tossed him a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he assured her, kissing her hand. “I’m just trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.”

“Mmhmm…”

As he sat up, leaning against the wall, she moved towards him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“So...I’ve told you all about my classes and stuff. What’s new back home? Anything interesting?”

“Uhh...I dunno. Murial’s still a pain in the ass, my mom has a new boyfriend, same old shit.”

Roy laughed. “Is he as weird as the last one?”

“Thankfully no. But...well, he’s almost suspiciously normal.”

“Keep your door locked at night,” Roy joked.

“Yuck.” Courtney hit him on the arm, shaking her head.

“How are the neighborhood kids? I haven’t talked to Bob in weeks, is he good?”

“Yeah, I think so. I haven’t seen him that much outside of class. I’ve been hanging out with Adore’s friends most of the time.”

“Oh yeah? Is Violet behaving?” He raised a curious eyebrow at her.

“Shockingly, yes. And Adore has a new girlfriend,” she added, almost as an afterthought.

“Oh...” Roy paused, unsure how he was supposed to react to this news. Somehow, he didn’t think that jubilation was called for. “Anyone I know?”

“No, she’s a new girl. Tatianna. She’s cool, and like...so pretty.”

“Well...good for Adore.”

“Yeah, it’s really good!” Courtney said. “They have so much in common. Tati plays bass, and they’re into the same music, and like...they fit really well together, you know?”

“Uh huh.” An unsettled feeling began to creep into Roy’s chest. That old, nagging feeling that he could never get rid of when it came to Courtney and her best friend.

“I’m like, so, so happy for her,” Courtney continued. “It’s been awhile since she’s dated anyone, and like...it’s really great to see her happy. I really think that this one will last. At least, I hope. It’s only been a few weeks, I guess. Less than a month. Right now they’re all giddy, in that like, honeymoon stage. You know? It’s really cute.”

“So...I mean, are you two still hanging out, or is she kinda occupied?” Roy asked slowly. He knew how much Courtney had suffered last year, how miserable she’d been without Adore, and he had no desire for her to relive that.

“We’re hanging out a lot! Yeah, it’s funny, it’s kind of been a lot of the three of us. Which is cool because I’m getting to know Tati too. I think you’d like her, she’s really sweet and funny and had this kind of sarcasm that catches you totally off guard. She’s great.”

“Um...yeah, great.”

Roy cleared his throat, swinging his legs off the side of the bed, suddenly itching for a change of topic, a change of scenery. He reached out a hand to Courtney.

“Do you wanna go for a walk? I can show you the campus and then we can come back and change for dinner. I think you’re gonna really like the restaurant I found.”

“Sounds perfect,” Courtney beamed at him with that smile, the one that never failed to melt his heart, twist up his insides, make him believe, if only for a second, that life was truly good. He grinned back, dimples deep in his cheeks, pulling her in for a tight embrace.

He was able to convince himself, that night, that everything was fine. The distance he felt was just a normal part of living apart. That this awkward year was just a necessary thing for them to get through before they could be together for real, like adults.

Roy wasn’t naive, he knew that people grew apart and that nothing was guaranteed--but there wasn’t a single version of his future that he could fathom without her in it. So the next day as they said goodbye, once again, the promise of being reunited soon over Thanksgiving kept it from being too bittersweet. Courtney certainly seemed unconcerned, hugging him tightly and whispering “I love you” into his neck.

He breathed her in once more, the feel of her post-shower hair damp against his cheek. He wished that she could stay longer, but she had what was sure to be a long drive ahead of her, and he had a paper to write.

“Call me when you get home…”

“I will.” She smiled up at him, began to unwind her arms from his waist, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t look so sad. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

Before she got too far away, though, Roy pulled her back one last time, holding her against his chest again, unwilling to let go just yet. “Five more seconds…”

Courtney giggled, hugging him back, whispering, “Take as many as you need…”

-

Adore was cute. She was really cute. And fun, and chill, and everything Tati felt like she needed after the trauma of a cross-country move.

There was just one problem. Well, maybe not a problem. A concern. Something that, at first she’d brushed off as paranoia, but the more she got to know Adore and her friends, the more it bugged her. It didn’t seem to matter that they’d been best friends for years, or that Courtney had a boyfriend (albeit one whom Tati had never seen in the flesh). Something about it was just...uncomfortable.

Tonight though, she decided to put it out of her mind. At Adore’s suggestion, they were having a chill movie night. They’d just received a bountiful order from the delivery guy--two stuffed-crust pizzas, wings, garlic knots, and whatever else they felt compelled to order after smoking in the tree house.

Tati set all the food out on the coffee table while Adore shuffled through her DVD collection.

“I promise, you’re gonna love it,” Adore said, punctuating her statement with a wink in Tati’s direction.

“I trust your taste,” Tati said, settling onto the sofa with a sigh.

Adore found the DVD she wanted and began to load it in when a familiar voice sounded from the doorway.

“Hi guys! What’s up?”

Courtney.

Tati felt bad, for thinking of her as a problem. She was a perfectly nice girl, friendly and fun and charming--but she was also always there. It seemed like she and Adore barely ever spent time together without Courtney being involved in some way. And it wouldn’t bother Tati so much, except that there was this weird energy between them, something all their other friends had just decided to ignore, apparently.

Or maybe Tati was just paranoid, overly judgmental? She bit her lip, guilt once again washing over her, that she covered with a friendly wave and a bright, “Hey Court!”

Adore looked up, slightly puzzled.

“Hi babe...I thought you were doing your whole...anniversary extravaganza thing with Roy.”

“Oh yeah, I was! It was so amazing, he’d planned this perfect romantic night, totally overboard just like always, and then brunch today.” Courtney giggled, and Tati didn’t miss the wistful expression that flickered across Adore’s face. “Anyway, I just got back, traffic was a nightmare, it took me 4 hours, blah blah blah. What are you guys up to?”

“Movie night.”

“Awesome, what are you watching?”

“Tati’s never seen The Craft. So..”

“Omigod, really?” Courtney flopped down onto the sofa. “You’re gonna love it, it’s so good. What kind of pizza is this?”

“Uhh, we have one pepperoni, and one mushroom…” Adore caught Tati’s eye, responding to the incredulous look on her face with an apologetic little shrug, pressing play on the DVD player and standing up to join them on the sofa. So, it seemed pretty clear that she wasn’t going to tell Courtney that this was a date night.

“Ughh, I love you! Thanks for getting one without meat.”

“Thank Tati, I hate mushrooms,” Adore laughed, sitting down between them.

“Tati, I love you. You’re beautiful.” Courtney leaned over Adore to blow a kiss at Tati, who caught it half-heartedly.

Tati couldn’t concentrate on the movie. Her whole attention was focused on Courtney and Adore, and their every giggly, weirdly flirtatious interaction.

She was definitely, definitely not being paranoid. As she inched herself further and further away, scrunching against the arm of the sofa, Courtney seemed to be doing the opposite. It began with her feet in Adore’s lap, then shifted to a head on her shoulder, then finally she settled into her most comfortable position: curled up with her head resting on the pillow in Adore’s lap.

Adore didn’t seem to mind one bit, either, or notice that anything was amiss. She and Courtney spent the whole movie giggling and reciting their favorite lines along with the characters, and eventually, her fingers began to drift absentmindedly through Courtney’s blonde hair.

After what felt like seven excruciating hours, the credits finally began to roll.

Courtney sat up, bright-eyed, stretching.

“God that movie is so good!” she said, then added in a deep voice, “You girls watch out for those weirdos.”

Adore laughed uproariously, replying with, “We are the weirdos, mister!”

“So uh...I guess you guys probably like...want some alone time now, huh?” Courtney asked.

It took all of Tati’s self control not to roll her eyes. But the truth was, she couldn’t even be annoyed at Courtney. Adore was the one who should have told her to leave.

“Do you mind?” Adore asked, and Courtney stood up, giving her a suggestive wink.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she said, kissing Adore on the top of the head and then moving to Tati, giving her a hug.

“I don’t think that works here, babe,” Adore said, laughing.

“Okay well then…” A cheeky grin pulled at Courtney’s lips and she said, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do after like 4 shots.” She punctuated that statement by licking her lips suggestively.

Adore giggled again, shaking her head and saying, “Get out of here, idiot!”

“Nighty-night, kids!” Courtney called, heading for the back door.

Tati swallowed. She knew that Adore would probably want to mess around now, but she didn’t have the energy to fake it. Nina was right. Jumping into this way too fast was a mistake. She needed friends, or the year would just be a total misery, and she was super grateful to have found their group. But if she got in any deeper with Adore, there was a chance she’d jeopardize that. So she stood up, picking her bag off the ground, and said, “I should probably take off, too.”

“What? Why?” Adore looked confused.

“Uh...you know, it’s getting late, so…” Tati began to put on her jacket, and Adore jumped up to grab the sleeve.

“I thought you were staying over. My mom’s at work…”

“Well…” Tati hesitated, knowing that she had to handle this delicately, or risk losing all of her new friends.

“What’s wrong?” Adore asked, biting her lip.

“I just...I had a different idea of how tonight would go,” Tati finally explained.

“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry about that, she’s not always great at reading the room,” Adore said, unable to keep the affectionate chuckle out of her voice.  

“It’s not her.”

“It’s not?” Adore’s brow furrowed deeper.

“I mean...it’s just the way you are with her, the way you look at her. And why didn’t you just tell her to leave?”

The red began to creep into Adore’s cheeks. “I guess I didn’t think I...should.”

“Right.” Tati finished putting on her jacket and slung her bag over her shoulder.  

“Wait, Tati. You don’t understand.” Adore’s hazel eyes were glassy, her voice desperate as she clung to Tati’s sleeve. “It’s really complicated, with her.”

Of course Tati understood. Inappropriate, uncomfortable crushes were practically a right of passage for teenage lesbians. Hers was a friend from camp, a girl who still made her heart ache every time she thought about her.

“Yeah, no, I do get it. Actually.” Tati took Adore’s hand and squeezed it. “I guess I just didn’t realize how complicated until tonight.”

“Please don’t go,” Adore begged, still gripping her sleeve.

Tati leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek.

“You’re beautiful, you know that? But, it just seems like you guys have a whole--”

Tears began to slip down Adore’s cheeks and Tati stopped abruptly.

“Fuck,” Adore whispered hoarsely.

“I won’t say it out loud, if you don’t want me too.”

Adore bit her trembling lip, nodding, then swiped at her eyes with the back of her hands, finally releasing Tati’s arm.

“Yeah, please...please don’t.”

“Okay.” Tati took a deep breath. It didn’t seem right to just leave her here crying. But on the other hand, she was fairly certain that the tears had nothing to do with her and everything to do with her bestie next door. “We’re still friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Adore sniffled, nodding.  

Tati pulled her in for one last tight, quick hug and headed for the door, sighing. So much for a fun and inconsequential little fling.

-

“Here you go, Grandma.” Courtney carried the cup and saucer to her grandmother at the kitchen table, setting her tea down carefully. “Do you want some of that cranberry biscotti you like, too?”

“Yes, thank you, dear,” Muriel said, and Courtney skipped over to the cupboard, feeling like an absolute model granddaughter. She’d gotten home to find Muriel in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes after dinner, and immediately offered her assistance, scrubbing out a pot, loading the dishwasher, and then making her grandmother a cup of tea as she’d sat down heavily at the kitchen table. Surely she deserved an award of some kind for being this considerate and helpful.

She arranged several biscotti artfully on a plate when a knock at the kitchen door caught her attention. She set the cookies down and then opened the door, surprised to find Adore there, eyes a bit red and watery. (Of course, these days, Adore’s eyes were usually red, as she seemed to have upped the weed smoking quite a bit.)

“Hey...are you alright?”

Adore nodded.

“Where’s Tatianna?” Courtney asked.

“Uh, we sort of...broke up.”

“Oh no!” Courtney slipped outside, shutting the door behind her, feeling like this was a conversation that Muriel didn’t need to hear. “I’m so sorry!”

Courtney pulled Adore in for a hug, trying to hide her relief. She really did feel bad, even if part of her was jealous about all the attention Adore was lavishing on the new girl; mostly, she just hated to see Adore upset. She put her hands on Adore’s shoulders, pulling back a bit to look into her eyes. Up close, it was clear now that she’d been crying.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s cool, I’ll be cool, I just…” Adore sighed. “Bonnie’s at work, and I just really didn’t want to be alone.”

Courtney nodded, gently tucking a lock of hair behind Adore’s ear. She hated seeing her best friend sad, of course, but it felt good to be the one she came to for comfort.

“Do you wanna stay over tonight?” Courtney asked.

“Is that okay?” Adore bit her lip, eyes flicking to Courtney’s grandmother, visible through the kitchen window.

“Of course! Anytime.” Courtney hugged her again. “Come on in. Have some of Gary’s artisan gelato.”

“Sounds perfect,” Adore said, finally flashing that winning smile, just like when they were kids and Courtney could solve any problem with ice cream. She grinned back, pressing a kiss to Adore’s temple before pulling her inside.

-

Adore lay awake, staring at the faint glow-in-the-dark star stickers all over Courtney’s ceiling. She couldn’t shake that nagging, uncomfortable feeling she’d had ever since Tati had said, or rather not said, what she had earlier.

Was Adore that obvious? Did everyone know?

And more importantly...did Courtney know?

She shifted her weight to her side, facing Courtney now, who was sleeping peacefully, one blonde curl falling across her face. She studied the way the moonlight illuminated her features. She’d spent so many hours of her life looking at that face, and almost as many dreaming about it. And still, sometimes, it was like she was a stranger. It was odd to think about how someone she’d known so long, shared some of her deepest secrets with, could be in the dark about something so monumentally big.

For a moment, Adore wondered if Tati was right. Should she just tell Courtney how she felt? Lay all her cards on the table? Deal with whatever heartbreak, whatever pain might result?

“Court?” she whispered, inching closer, brushing her hair away from her face.

“Mmm?” Courtney’s eyes fluttered, her arms instinctively wrapping around Adore’s waist, pulling her closer.

“I need to tell you something.”

Courtney opened her eyes, blinking awake, and immediately her brow creased with concern. It wasn’t until then that Adore realized that she’d been crying.

“What is it, Dory? Are you okay?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, I just...um…” Adore took a deep, shaky breath, the oxygen filling her lungs like a splash of cold water to the face.

“What?” Courtney’s thumbs gently dried her tears. “Is it about Tatianna?”

“I...I…” She gazed into Courtney’s eyes in the dim, moonlit room, breath hitching, unable to get the words out.

“What? Are you okay?” Her voice was so soft and warm and caring, hands still cradling Adore’s cheeks, and Adore knew that it was now or never.

She could be honest, in this moment. On the lumpy mattress they’d shared countless times over the years, underneath the dimly-glowing star stickers on Courtney’s ceiling. She could confess, unburden her aching heart, and maybe it would all be fine. But...what if it wasn’t?

“Um...yeah. I guess I’m just sad.” Adore gulped, her nerve suddenly gone, every ounce of courage dissolved in an instant. Her heart pounded as if she’d narrowly escaped death, as if a truck had just swerved into her bike lane, missing her by inches.

“I’m so sorry,” Courtney said, pulling her close, wrapping her into a warm embrace, lips pressed to her temple.

“Thanks. Thanks for...being here,” Adore sniffled.

“I’ll always be here. I love you, Dory.”

“Me too,” Adore said, eyes falling closed as fresh, hot tears trickled down her cheeks. She wished that Courtney knew exactly how much, but even more than that, she was relieved that she hadn’t taken that terrifying leap into the unknown.  

[fanficfeeling]

No Place Like Home - Jaskier x Modern!Reader

A/N: Jaskier x Modern!Reader for anon. Thanks for the request, I had a lot of fun with this! Also, I feel like all some of these references might be a little bit dated, which I didn't realize until they were all in there. They're all still fairly famous though, so I hope you don't mind! I went with she/her pronouns on this, but if anyone wants to see me start using gender neutral pronouns, please let me know, or just add specific pronoun requests in your requests!

Request: hi! a jaskier x reader request for the witcher! would love a one shot of a modern!reader, who decides to follow the boys, either about them singing modern songs or making stupid modern day references that they wouldn't understand!

Warnings: Possible second hand embarrassment ahead? Also Wonderwall

Word count: 2300

Requests are OPEN

~~~

Y/N starts her day like she does every other day: by opening her window and breathing in the comforting Velen air.

Y/N doesn't know how she ended up in this world. For the first few months, she searched for a way home, or even just for answers about why she found herself in this place. She ended up empty-handed, and with no more leads to follow. She was forced to give up, and start making her own way. It was by a pure stroke of luck that she'd ended up with the house, and with a fairly easy, flexible job to pay for it, and after a while, she found she preferred this life to her old one. She stopped wondering why, and let this place be home. After the few years she's been here, she finds she's glad it all happened the way it did.

She finds herself smiling as she looks out into her little village, reveling in the peace it offers.

"Get out of here, you filthy Witcher!"

And that shout from the main road was the end of Y/N's peaceful lack of involvement. As she saw people go running towards the sound of the growing shouts, Y/N quickly left her home and began to follow suit in that direction, eager and anxious to see what could cause such a fuss. When she reached the scene of the commotion, her shock was evident.

There, trying his best to make his way through this small village with a bard at his side, was a Witcher. An actual, real life Witcher.

Well, as real as this world actually is, anyway.

Even more shocking was the townspeople harassing the seemingly unassuming men -- it seemed that most of the town were in on heckling them, despite their usual, friendly neighbor attitudes. It seemed the Witcher was used to the treatment, as he did his best to shield himself and his horse and continued walking calmly forward, although the bard was a bit more theatrical in his defenses, holding up his lute to cover his face and sighing dramatically at every passing insult.

I wonder if this could be the pair that the internet flipped out over when that tv series came out before I left? I never got into it, but I'm fairly sure that's where I am, and their faces seem familiar.

Y/N's heart nearly stopped when the Witcher's golden eyes made contact with hers. It seemed to take him but a split second to make a decision and begin a new course in her direction. She held her breath the entire time he made his way over.

When he finally stopped, he stopped directly in front of her, looming over her, far closer then she expected him. He was shockingly intimidating.

"You don't seem in the business of heckling strangers. I'm here to clear out a noonwraith I'd heard of in the vicinity. Do you know anything about that?"

It took Y/N far too long to gather enough courage to speak, and when she did, she could only hope her voice wasn't shaking too much, "A... noonwraith? Oh, yes, the ghost in the abandoned barn, just a little ways out of town. It's, uh... been a nuisance for farmers and travelers for some time."

The Witcher let out a small, "hm." in response.

"I could... show you to the location, if you need assistance? I know this area very well, and I would be happy to assist you if you would rid us of the... wraith."

"Geralt! How could you leave me to fend for myself like that?" The bard came up behind the Witcher quickly, like a burst of raw energy. He smiled when he spotted the Witcher talking to the woman, "Hello! Thank you for not hurling insults at us as we walk past! My name is Jaskier, a humble bard, at your service." Swiftly, he reached for her hand and pressed a swift kiss to her knuckles.

"Oh! It's really no problem, It certainly does no harm to not go out of my way to be rude. My name is Y/N, it's nice to meet you."

"Y/N has offered to lead us to the noonwraith, Jaskier. Y/N, how soon can you be ready to go?"

"Oh, well, I'm off work today, and I really don't have that much to take care of this morning -- if you'll allow me to grab some better shoes I should be ready in minutes."

"Take your time, I need some to prepare potions for the battle."

"You can come spend some time at the tavern with me while we wait for him." Jaskier punctuated his sentence with a wink.

Y/N felt her heart palpitate, and she'd never scrambled to get ready so quickly for anything.

When she found him in the nearly deserted tavern, he sat with a notebook in his hands, writing something down leisurely. If he's a bard, Y/N assumed it was some sort of song.

"Jaskier, yes? May I join you?"

He flashed a smile up at her, "Anything for such a beautiful woman." Y/N felt herself flush at the compliment as she sat down.

"So, Y/N, where are you from? You don't have the Velen accent, nor do you have the same... dispositions as your fellow townsfolk, I can't imagine you were born and raised here."

Y/N felt her heart speed up once more, just a fraction, "I wasn't. I came here just a few years ago, just sort of ended up here by chance. I was looking for something, but it didn't exactly work out, and I just never really bothered to leave. I'm thankful enough for it, Velen suits me very well."

"Very cryptic and fascinating story! You are dodging my original question though."

"Only because I don't think you'd have heard of where I'm from. It's not very well known around here."

"I'm not from around here."

"I doubt it's well known where you're from, either."

Jaskier gave her a quizzical look, but left her odd behavior alone, "Well then, what does the mysterious lady do for fun?"

This was the thing Y/N struggled with the most in this world. Her access to all her favorite tv shows, books, and movies were gone, and all she was left with were the only few books she had at her disposal, most of them terribly dry reading. Even worse: every pop culture reference she ever knew was now rendered completely useless.

"Well, I read as much as I can, with what little I have, and I go for long walks, but other than that, I mostly just work. Not much to do around here, honestly. I sing a little to myself sometimes to pass the time-"

Jaskier's face lit up like a Christmas tree, "You sing? What songs do you know?"

"I highly doubt you'd have heard of any of them."

"Nonsense, my trade is music! At the very least, you must sing something for me!"

"No! I don't sing for other people-"

"But if I've never heard of these songs of yours, you must educate me!"

"That's not exactly my job-"

The pair only stop upon hearing a gruff voice clear behind them.

"Are the two of you done?" Geralt asks, a minor level of annoyance evident. Y/N is the first to scramble to her feet, embarrassed.

Their departure is smooth, and Y/N promptly informs the pair that the journey should take but a half an hour or so.  

In response, Jaskier slings an arm over Y/N's shoulder, flashing her a smile, "Plenty of time for you to teach me a song or two."

"Are you really back at this again? My answer is still no."

"But would it not benefit my musically inclined soul to be exposed to a bit of your culture, wherever it may be from? You mustn't let my poor, culturally deprived soul wither away like this, fair lady."

"Don't you travel for a living?" Before Jaskier could sass her further with another response, Y/N took a less than graceful stumble over a tree root.

Geralt stopped walking and grabbed her arm as she steadied herself, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I think I'm fine. Unfortunate that such a lack of grace had to come out around near strangers, but that's on me, I suppose." She laughed it off, playing glaring at the root that tripped her, "I'm walking here!" She said quietly to herself in her best fake New York accent, reveling in her classic movie references that no one else in this world could understand. At least they brought her a little bit of personal joy.

"Y/N, did you just speak to that tree root?" Jaskier asked, trying his best not to look concerned, and failing miserably.

The lady flushed crimson, "Oh, no, well, actually yes, but it's just a -- well, I guess it's just a reference to something you wouldn't understand. I apologize, that must have looked odd."

Jaskier let out a small chuckle (which Y/N had to admit, was distressingly attractive), "You've said a lot of odd things so far, but I'm certainly not minding."

In an attempt to escape her ever-expanding blush, Y/N began walking ahead of the men, "Right, well, on we go then."

After but a minute of silence, Geralt spoke up, "Y/N, would it suit us better to take an actual path, instead of just cutting through the forest?"

Y/N turned back to him and shook her head, "This will get us there much quicker, if we cut through here we'll end up right across the field from where you're trying to go."

Jaskier shook his own head now, "For a non-native, you do know this area very well."

"Elementary, my dear Watson. To anyone living in the area, anyway. Besides, I take lots of walks, remember?" She laughed to herself, and quietly shook her head once more as another movie scene came to her, muttering quietly, "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." Thankfully, the men seemed to not hear that second reference, but she failed to see as they turned to each other in confusion over the first.

Y/N's impressive knowledge proved accurate after about the half an hour she promised, as the trio cut through the trees and ended up in a large field, a run-down barn just visible on the other side.

"See? That's where you're trying to get to."

"Thank you very much, Y/N. I'll take it from here." With that, Geralt strode off through the field, radiating with purpose. He really was truly quite intimidating.

After a moment of silence, in which Jaskier decided to make himself comfortable as he sat down, Y/N spoke once more, "So do we just wait here now?"

"That we do."

"What if he doesn't come back?"

"He will. No need to worry your pretty little head about that. However, if you're concerned about the waiting time, you could sing me a song to pass it."

Y/N sighed, "You truly won't give that up?"

"I had no plans to."

"I never should have told you about that."

"Or perhaps it was destiny that you did."

"You're so determined to make clever remarks, but that one didn't even make sense."

"Fair enough. Perhaps I would stop talking nonsense if you would keep me occupied with a song."

"Fine! Fine." Y/N let her shoulders sag in defeat as she sighed. "What do you want to hear, then?"

Jaskier pretended to contemplate her question for a moment, but he spoke far too quickly when he replied, "Sing me something romantic."

"You sly bastard. Alright, let me think a moment. Uh..."

What's something easy to sing, something well known enough that I'll know all the words, something romantic? Oh, I have a bad idea.

"Well, I suppose this could be interpreted as romantic." Y/N had to suppress her laughter. "And it's terribly catchy, so I know all the words quite well. And it's been around for quite a while. A lot of people don't like it because it's sort of overdone-"

"Y/N."

"Alright, fine, anyway, here's Wonderwall.

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now"

Before Y/N knew it, the song was over - perhaps she'd just heard it so many times she blacked out the rest of the song - and to her dismay, Jaskier began clapping.

"And you say you don't sing for other people. That was lovely."

"You only say that because you haven't heard the song a million times."

"Also because your voice is joy to listen to."

"Oh stop it, you're just saying that-"

"Oh, is that the battle you want to fight?"

~~~

By the time Geralt had slain the wraith, Jaskier had insisted that they walk Y/N home ("Geralt, she helped us out here, it's the right thing to do!" "I'm quite capable of finding my own way home." "We insist."), and the trio had finished their more leisurely walk back along the main road, it was approaching evening. Before Y/N even knew it, they were at her front door.

"Ah, here we are. Thank you gentlemen, for your assistance."

"And thank you for yours, my lady."

"Anytime, Geralt. It would be my pleasure to assist you again if you're in the area and need a guide."

"I may yet take you up on that. Until then, have a good evening."

"You too. Safe travels."

The duo began to walk away, leaving Y/N feeling just a little bit sad, when Jaskier turned around and walked back to her. When he reached her, he grabbed her hand and pressed yet another kiss to her knuckles, like he had that morning.

"I will surely be counting the days until I can have the privilege of hearing your voice and odd sayings again."

Before she could retaliate, he had run off, and soon he was out of sight. She felt a little less sad now.

This is a home worth having. Yes, I'm quite happy things turned out this way.

[goindownshipping]

‘close your eyes and hold out your hands.’

Man’s Best Friend

Pairing: Loki/Tony Stark (Frostiron)

Rating: Teen (T)

Notes: This prompt just screamed Loki/Tony to me. Thank to @ohwereusingourmadeupnames for the prompt and being lovely as always!

Word count: ~2k

Summary:

“Loki, you can’t just walk outside because you’re losing an argument, it doesn’t work like that,” Tony said as soon as Loki entered the room.

“Tony, you realize you just made me sit through a powerpoint presentation on why we should get a dog. For the fourth time. Believe me my love, I know how cute the dogs at the shelter are and I promise I’m thinking about it”.

Tony huffed, rising to his feet and coming to stand in front of his husband. He’d been pestering Loki for weeks about his sudden urge to have a puppy. DUM-E and U weren’t cutting it for companionship anymore. He thought his powerpoint was very convincing. 

Tony Stark was the last person anyone expected to settle down in life. His entire image as a young adult centered around his constant partying and questionable decision making. The only positive aspects of his image centered around Stark Industries when he reorganized the company at the young age of 21. People were concerned when he discontinued the weapons division as soon as he took over, but eventually, his innovation and new technology quieted those voices. Over the years, his philanthropy and frequent moonlighting as a superhero helped him slowly live down the image that he’d created. 

Now, living in a post-Thanos world, he wanted nothing more than to live a quiet life, free of world-ending battles. And, shockingly enough, Tony actually got what he wanted. Tony found himself sprawled out on his large, plush couch looking through the large windows to the backyard he never thought he’d actually have. Through the glass he could see his tall, wonderfully handsome, and incredibly irritating husband walking back toward the house.

In the years since Tony and Loki first came into contact, Tony was intrigued by the god. He was fascinated by his magic and Loki’s mischievous demeanor was compelling. And, although Tony wouldn’t admit it at the time, Tony had never seen a man wear a suit as well as Loki did that night in Stuttgart. 

After the dust settled in New York, Loki’s father insisted that Loki stay at Stark Tower for his imprisonment, determined that his son would help to clean up the mess he made. Tony had every intention of making Loki’s stay at the tower miserable. He gave him menial tasks in the lab that DUM-E could have done and intentionally programmed the robots to get in his way. Tony thought it was hilarious, Loki was not so amused.

Over time, Loki showed more interest in learning about Tony’s suits and the various technological advances Tony had in the works for the Avengers and Stark Industries. Loki asked all the right questions, offered little bits of advice here and there, and before Tony knew it, they were working side by side in the lab. As it turns out, Loki’s magic abilities proved quite helpful.

Day and and day out, Loki and Tony moved easily around each other, working together and eventually spending time on Tony’s floor in the penthouse. It was an easy transition from enemies, to coworkers, and eventually friends. Tony let his guard down around Loki, expressing frustration and fear over the increasing threats to their world. He was comfortable enough around him that he told Loki about growing up with Howard and Maria Stark as his parents, surprised when Loki fully understood given his own challenges growing up with Odin.

As they got more comfortable around each other, Tony started to notice Loki sneaking glances at him when he thought Tony wouldn’t see. Their fingers would linger as they passed tools across the work tables in the lab, and Tony blushed every time. Occasionally, Tony would call Loki over to come look at something he was struggling with, and Loki would come in close behind him, his chest pressed to Tony’s back. In those moments, Tony found himself wanting nothing more than to reach out and keep Loki close. 

It was a startling realization for Tony to discover that he was in love with the God of Mischief. Even more startling, was the sense of calm Tony felt wash over him when he finally admitted it to himself. Admitting his feelings to Loki was absolutely the most terrifying thing Tony had to do. 

One day in the lab, with Loki leaning over his shoulder to see the blueprints Tony was working on, he finally snapped. He whipped around to face Loki, glaring at him.

“Why do you stand so close to me?” Tony pressed.

“Because I like being near you, Anthony,” Loki answered easily. The smile on his face and the look in his bright green eyes absolutely ruined Tony.

“I’m in love with you,” Tony blurted. “Shit, sorry I wanted-”

Tony was cut off by Loki quickly pressing his lips to Tony, boxing him in and pressing Tony back against the work table. Before Tony could react, Loki was pulling away with a sheepish grin on his face.

“I’m in love with you too, Tony. You make it quite infuriating sometimes”.

In the many years since that moment in the lab, Loki and Tony were attached at the hip. They had their fair share of concern from the rest of the team, and all of SHIELD, but they never wavered. While Tony kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, as it always did for him, the love he and Loki shared was truly like nothing either of them had experienced. They’d both had a decent amount of heartbreak and hurt in life, making the love and trust between them that much stronger.

After Thanos, they both realized that life was too short and they left the city, settling upstate with a big house and yard. It was like nothing either man had ever imagined, but it was theirs and it was perfect. The night they moved in, Loki conjured up a beautiful ring for Tony and got down on one knee surrounded by takeout boxes and an empty house while they waited for their furniture. It was the perfect moment for them and a year or so later, they had a small wedding in their own backyard, celebrating with their closest friends and families. 

Now, four years after their wedding, Tony was sitting on the couch in their living room, glaring at Loki as he came through the sliding glass door. 

“Loki, you can’t just walk outside because you’re losing an argument, it doesn’t work like that,” Tony said as soon as Loki entered the room.

“Tony, you realize you just made me sit through a powerpoint presentation on why we should get a dog. For the fourth time. Believe me my love, I know how cute the dogs at the shelter are and I promise I’m thinking about it”.

Tony huffed, rising to his feet and coming to stand in front of his husband. He’d been pestering Loki for weeks about his sudden urge to have a puppy. DUM-E and U weren’t cutting it for companionship anymore. He thought his powerpoint was very convincing. 

“Okay, but here’s the thing. Puppies are cute and I’m cute, so obviously I need one. Also, you’re the one that keeps talking about this huge yard that we never use, so clearly we need a dog to go run around in the grass. And if we have a puppy, maybe the neighbors will like us more and we can have those dinner parties you always talk about.”

Tony was rambling now, prattling on and repeating half the presentation from memory. When Tony was fixated on something, there was nothing you could do to change his mind. Loki smiled, knowing he’d lost this battle the moment Tony started sending him selfies with every dog he ran into on his walks through the park near their house.

“Anthony, my dear, would you please for once just shut up?” Loki exclaimed. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Tony just rolled his eyes. 

“Please,” Loki conceded.

Finally, Tony closed his eyes and extended his hands toward Loki. Loki knew this was a bigger deal for Tony than he let on. The man had so many trust issues that even something as simple as closing his eyes could bring on more panic and anxiety than most people had ever experienced.

Loki sighed, and smiled softly at Tony. He was grateful Tony couldn’t see the heart eyes he was making at him. Against all odds, Loki was deeply in love with him, and Tony was one of the only people in the world that got to see the soft sides of him. Loki took a moment to just watch Tony. He could see the corners of his lips quirking up in a smile, his eyelids twitching slightly, fighting the urge to open his eyes and ruin whatever surprise Loki had planned.The hands in front of him were just barely shaking, nervous energy clearly coursing through Tony.

Before Tony could open his mouth and complain, Loki used one of his favorite tricks that his mother taught him as a child. Using the magic he’d gratefully learned from her, reached in front of him, focusing on conjuring up the surprise he’d been planning for weeks now. Swirls of green extended from his hands, moving together and taking shape above Tony’s outstretched palms. 

Just as Tony was about to open his eyes and start rambling about Loki and his games, he felt a warm bundle of fluff drop into his arms. His eyes flew open, immediately focused on the real, live, animal that now sprawled across his arms. Instinctively, Tony wrapped his arms more firmly around it and brought it closer into his chest.

“Loki, why is there a puppy in my arms?”

Loki remained silent, overwhelmed by how perfect Tony looked snuggled up to the lanky golden retriever pup in Tony’s arms. The little guy was happily exploring the terrain, attempting to climb up Tony’s shoulder and nip at his ear, his hair, and lick just about every surface he could reach. 

“Earth to Loki. Oh wait does that saying even work for someone not from Earth? Asgard to Loki? No, that doesn’t work,” Tony was rambling, his mouth running quickly, before his thoughts caught up to him, reminding him of the puppy he now held in his arms. Loki just watched him fondly, reveling in the love coursing through him.

“Hold on, Loki, you conjured me a puppy”. 

Loki’s gaze settled on Tony’s face, anxious about how his husband might react to Loki’s most recent mischief.

“I- um, yeah, I conjured you a puppy”. Loki stared down at his feet, nervous about the silence settling between them.

“I just- you’d been talking about wanting one for months now and you keep sending me all those cute pictures of puppies at the shelter and I just couldn’t help myself any longer”. Loki sucked in a deep breath to continue rambling when Tony was suddenly directly in front of him, pressing the overexcited ball of fur into his arms.

“Well then you better say hi to my new best friend, because you’re literally never getting me along again. Get used to it”. 

Loki situated the puppy in the crook of his arm, allowing him to sniff around and get comfortable with him. He wrapped his other arm around Tony’s waist, bringing him in closer so he could rest his cheek on top of Tony’s head. As much as Tony pretended to hate it, Loki loved the height advantage he had on his partner. It made the rare moments like this that Tony let him hold him close even better. Tony’s arms wound around Loki’s narrow waist, squeezing tightly, hoping to communicate his thanks.

Tony pulled his head back far enough to look up at his husband, overcome with love for the man in front of him. Pushing up on his toes - which he would never admit to a soul - he pressed his lips against Loki’s relishing the familiar way they moved together. Loki’s grip loosened enough to travel up Tony’s side, coming to cradle his cheek, thumbing along warm skin. They moved together languidly, lips firm, and tongues exploring just enough for Tony to feel himself want more. He let go of Loki’s waist, hands wandering up to his husbands broad shoulders, eventually tangling in the long, dark hair that Tony was utterly obsessed with. Loki let out a soft groan, powerless to the feeling of Tony’s hands in his hair. 

They were pulled out of their bubble when the puppy in Loki’s grip was suddenly licking across Tony’s cheek, startling him enough to pull away. Both men looked at each other then their new puppy, chuckling at themselves for getting so carried away. The puppy wriggled around in Loki’s grip, and he eventually set him down on the floor of the living room.

“Well,” Tony sighed. “I guess we’re dog dads now”.

They grinned at each other, giddy with the new member of their household. Before Loki knew what was happening, Tony was sprinting toward the backyard, puppy happily bounding behind them. 

“Last one to the yard has poop duty!” Tony yelled as he disappeared down the hall.

Loki laughed and shook his head before taking off after Tony.

“You know,” he called. “I can just make the poop disappear from the yard!”

He met Tony on the patio, watching the puppy explore the grass. Tony turned to him, surprise evident on his face.

“You shouldn’t have told me that. Now I’m gonna make you conjure me at least five more dogs”.

Loki smiled, pulling his husband close once again. “How about you at least name this one first, then we can talk about more puppies”.

Tony smiled up at him, more in love than he thought he’d be deserving of in this life. “Thank you for this Lokes. I love you so - oh shit! How did he already dig up the garden? Did you conjure a rascal of a dog?”

Loki just laughed, watching Tony run across the yard, lifting up a now dirt covered dog. He was the God of Mischief after all, he had to have some fun.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Welcome to the NHK, Episodes 4-6

In which Sato tries my patience, the more we get out of his head the better, and reality comes crashing in.

Bottom Feeders

Well, I think it’s official; I’m already starting to get sick of Sato. That’s not a good sign only a quarter of the way through this show, but that’s where I’m at. It’s the fundamental concern of writing a character who’s intentionally a cringy, unpleasant weirdo; nobody likes hanging around cringy, unpleasant weirdos, and the better you’re able to capture the reality of how annoying they are, the less your audience is going to enjoy watching them on screen. Sato’s certainly an accurate depiction of how pathetic, douchey and tunnel-visioned certain subsets of nerd and otaku fandom can be, and the show’s well aware of how much of a loser he is. But it’s just not pleasant to be around someone like him for this long. I feel like with a character of this nature, you need to balance him out with the people around him. The more time you spend wallowing in his head, the quicker you’ll grow exhausted of him. Re:Zero strikes a really good balance in this way: pretty much every other character sees through Subaru’s bullshit big-game talking, so he’s never at a loss for an equally strong personality to ego-check him and draw the story’s attention for a change of pace. But Sato’s closest companion is Yamazaki, and man, as much as I love Shinpachi, this misogynistic creep is just as unpleasant as Sato. Their interactions tend to build each other up in a recursive feedback loop of self-centered okatu navel-gazing, and was tired of it really fast. Instead breaking up the spiral of bullshit, it only makes the bullshit flow faster. Even the bonding-through-shopping montage meant to celebrate the friendship they’re forming through shared interests couldn’t make me appreciate them on their own terms.

Piercing Shot

That being said, much like with Subaru, Sato’s characterization does still work for me when he is forced out of his own head by the people around him. His interactions with his former senpai are fascinating; they were almost a thing back in high school, but they both frittered their youths away without taking advantage of the opportunities before him. Four years later, though, they’re both still able to be more honest with each other than they are with anyone else. Sato barely even hesitates before proudly declaring his hikkikomori status to her, and she laughs it off as casually as if she knew all along. Her very presence on screen seems to change the very character of the show, puncturing the fog of willful indolence Sato’s so often trapped in. Watching him grapple over wanting to re-establish their relationship, yet feeling held back out of shame over his current situation, was some shockingly compelling inner turmoil. If he just accepted her invitation to be friends (and maybe more) again, he might find a way out of his current malaise. But how can be bring himself to make that step when he still can barely bring himself to go out the front door at all?

It’s that realization- that he wants to try for a fulfilling life beyond what his insecurities allow- that convinces him to finally bite the bullet and take up Misaki on her offer. And to be fair, they do have some fun chemistry! It becomes clear fairly quickly that Misaki has no real idea what she’s doing either and is kinda bullshitting her way through this seminar with “secret notes” and psychoanalysis. But she’s still able to mostly resist Sato’s attempts to embarrass her and stay in control of the conversation (”Basically, if you can’t be confident in yourself, just look down on everyone else!”) I know the most I laughed during these episodes was watching Sato go up against her brick wall and failing miserably. Still, I can’t help but wonder what her deal really is. Why would an eighteen-year-old girl spend so much time and energy trying to get this one gross, disrespectful dude to become a productive member of society? With how self-aware this show is, I gotta think there’s more to her than just being a Manic Pixie Dream Girl savior. She’s gotta have some ulterior motive beyond being pleasantly snarky and whimsically inspirational. I just have no idea what that motive might be. I hope we get a clue soon, because I want to like Misaki more than I do, and the sooner we can actually get into her head, the better.

Called Out

Still, by far my favorite moment during these episodes comes in episode 6 when Sato make the mistake of sitting in on a design class. He still sees himself as a loser, and that resentment boils over into envy when he feels the teacher’s mocking him for not being up to par. If he looks down on himself, he’s certain everyone else does as well, especially ever since Misaki planted that particular idea in his head. But also, how dare you look down on me? You don’t deserve to look down on me! He lashes out at people he perceives as better than him because he projects his own insecurities onto them, and it leads to him thinking pretty much everyone is out to get him for being “lesser” than them. It’s the self-reinforcing incel victim complex in a nutshell. But the teacher’s able to rip right through that delusion with a few choice sentences: ”Can you not accept people unless they’re at your level or lower? In that case, isn’t the person looking down on others... you?” It’s a moment of stunning clarity that flips Sato’s self-perception on its head. Suddenly, he’s the arrogant one, unable to stomach dealing with people he sees as “better” than him because they make him reflect on his own deficiencies, and he’s nowhere near able to stomach truly addressing them. He has no way of countering an observation that true; all he can do is make an ass of himself running away and blubbering about how this is clearly all a conspiracy meant to drag him down. Sometimes, reality hits hard, and Sato certainly just got one hell of a reality check. Here’s hoping it doesn’t take him long to finally listen to it.

Odds and Ends

-”Pattern 3: Robot!” “I thought we were making a gal game.” Oh, you sweet summer child.

-Alright, did Masaaki Yuasa direct this episode, or is the character animation just off the shits?

-Yeah, visiting Akihabara for the first time is a trip, lemme tell you.

-”How many doctors are you seeing?” Clearly more than you, pal.

-That is... maybe too many freckles, Yamazaki.

-”But if I can finish making this game, I feel like I can be a better man!” Aw, I guess that’s nice.

-”I had no idea writing a script would involve this much psychological pressure!” Oh shit, it me.

-”It’s all men who write this stuff, right?” sdkjfhsdfkhsdf DRAG THOSE SHITTY STOCK PORN LINES MY DUDE

-”Oh, but never tell the other person you feel that way.” God dammit I’m cackling

-”Sato, you’re a virgin, aren’t you?” GOD DAMMIT I’M CACKLING

-Lol, casually cracking on a poorly produced anime episode in the background. I feel that.

-Huh... so why does Yamazaki think she’s his gf? Who’s deluding who here?

And on we go. See you next time!

[chibisquirt]

Diet Post

It’s that time of year.  Who’s doing resolutions?  I saw a post asking for diet advice, and promptly starting writing this up... only to realize that it was a lot more general than that person was looking for.  So I’m putting it in its own post, instead.

Here’s what Bubbles has to say about how to diet.

Step 1:   Define the goal

“Healthy” is a personalized term; what is healthy for you may not be healthy for me, etc.  So the first thing you want to do is identify you goals.  Are you trying to build muscle?  Lose weight?  Simplify meal prep for your mental health?  Lower your a1c?  Make this specific; if you’re trying to do too much at once it’s a guaranteed loss, so pick one thing and focus on that.  (It’s likely that the rest of it will also improve as a side effect, but if you’re worried about all of it that’s no good.)  

You also want your goal measurable--because if it’s too wishy-washy you won’t actually do it--realistic (more on that later) and time-limited (because if you try to do things forever your brain will quit, but if you say “it’s until April” your brain is like, “Oh, four months, cool.”  And then you have to realize that here to april 1st is actually only like three months, but you’re in the right direction!)

Step 2:  You have a goal!  Great!  Now figure out what change looks like.  You need to set a baseline.

Let’s say you’re doing weight loss.  To make a weight loss baseline, I would HIGHKEY recommend that your first step is to acquire and use a meal tracker.  There are many, take a look online, choose one that seems like it will be easiest to use.  Then track your meals, starting immediately.  Do this for a couple weeks to a month without changing anything about your diet other than the tracking.  Three reasons I recommend this:  number one, it’s quite possible that the tracking will cause you to pay more attention to what you’re eating, and that will change your diet on its own. Number two, it’s hard to change habits, and you don’t want to change too much at once or that’s failure; since the tracking app is  change, you don’t want to do that AND a diet change at the same time.  And number three, it gives you an estimate for how many calories you should have per day.

A note here:  when I talk about weight changing, I’m talking long-term trend.  Our weight fluctuates over the course of the day, and for ovary-having people over the course of the month, too.  Do NOT look for instant change!  Instant change does not last, and is only going to make you sicker!

Step 3:  Make a plan which breaks down into day by day steps

Okay, so you’ve got your tracker, you’re using it regularly, you have a baseline...  You are so close.  Now, you have either a) gained weight b) lost weight or c) stayed the same.  You also have an averaged number of Calories consumed per day.  Figure out what that number is.  I’m going to guess it’s 2800, because I need a number for this and that’s my guesstimate for what I eat.

There are about 3500 Calories per pound, which means that a loss of a pound a week is about 500 Calories per day.  If you’re already losing weight at about that rate, then keep doing what you’re doing.  If you maintained during your trial period, subtract about 500 Cal and make that number your goal (2300).  If you gained during your trail period, subtract enough cals to get you down to weight loss (like if you were gaining a half pound per week during your tracker period, you’d go down to about 2000).  

DO NOT try to lose more than 2 pounds per week; it won’t work, and it won’t stay off even if it does work.  Also DO NOT try to eat less than a thousand calories per day; it’s miserable, and you’ll hate it so much you quit.  Make your goals reasonable for you, and sustainable for you.  

Also, there’s a reason I’m working with very round numbers here; all of this is approximate, and if you’re too persnickety about it you’ll go crazy.  Do not go crazy.  I’m not kidding.  The fat will hurt you less than the crazy.

SPECIAL NOTE IF YOUR HEALTH GOAL IS WEIGHT LOSS:

Weight loss does in fact boil down to “calories in vs calories out,” but there’s a trick to that phrase, which is that both parts of that equation are very very complicated.  So, two people may eat the exact same thing, go to the gym the exact same amount of time, and one gains and one loses weight.  (Maybe one has a gut disorder they don’t absorb much, maybe one has a lower metabolism they don’t burn as much energy-- whatever.  People are individuals.  This is why you should get YOUR baseline instead of just parroting the “two thousand calories a day” figure.)

Successful weight loss tends to convince our brains that we’re starving, so our brain tells our body to cut back any processes that run Calories Out.  Which means we lose weight more slowly.  Which sucks.  This is why you want to pair your diet with some form of exercise.

There are two types of exercise, the ones that improve our cardiac health and the ones that improve our muscles.  (Most specific exercises do some of both, but the ratio is going to be mostly one, the other, or both.)  The ones that are good for your heart also tend to be the ones that burn a lot of Calories directly (walk a mile to burn 220 calories! or what have you). The ones that improve muscles are good, because muscles use more energy than fat.  (They also weigh more than fat, which means that when you start going to the gym you may well gain weight.  Don’t worry about it, that’s short-term shit, we’re looking long-term.)  But either way, exercise--ANY exercise--is important for losing weight.  You don’t have to do a specific one; anything helps.

Step 4:  Give yourself positive reinforcement for following the plan.  

(This is the part I suck at.)

One of the best ways is social reinforcement; a support group is a wonderful thing.  Even a support group on the internet, by the way!  Totally counts!  You can also find support groups in classes at the gym, or your friends, or your family, as long as those people are not going to take it personally and turn around and sabotage you.  (This is a real concern; it is shockingly common.  There is a good chance they will not know they are doing this.  People are weird.)

Step 5:  MAINTAIN

At some point, you will reach a point where you have achieved your goal.  (If you run out the clock on your time-limited goal before reaching it, then you get to set a new goal.  Don’t just use the same one over again; do a whole new analysis for the new period.)  If you achieve your goal, then you get to transition into maintaining it.  

Maintaining is a whole separate process; if you’re losing weight, then you’re going to increase your calorie count to a maintenance level.  My personal goal isn’t diet, it’s exercise; I want to run a 5k at the local marathon in May.  Once I have a running habit again, my goal gets to change to maintaining that habit.  It’s a whole new adventure!  And it’s easy to overlook or dismiss.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU!  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!  YOU ARE IMPORTANT, AND YOU DESERVE TO HAVE GOOD THINGS, EVEN IF THOSE GOOD THINGS ARE YOUR BODIES, AND EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO BUILD THEM YOURSELVES!  

BUT NOT LIKE FRANKENSTEIN, DON’T DO THAT!

[danetobelieve]

One Shell Of A Dinner Party, pt. 3 || Skylar, Ricky and Winston

Skylar held the karkinoid steady as Winston was able to ignite the lobster monster in flames, but watched as the deoderant can sputtered and went out. The crab at the end of her poker stopped twitching and for a moment, she relaxed. But, the brief respite was interrupted by Ricky’s cries for help as he tried to fight off the monster that was attacking him. She watched as there was a flash of white teeth-- no, fangs-- as Ricky bit into the lobster with ease. What the fuck. Those were fangs. Fangs. Like hers. What the fuck? Before she could react, she jolted backwards out of the way of a new torrent of flame, emerging from the end of the zippo lighter. The karkinoids were dead, all of them were dead. And Skylar was left staring at the two roommates. “What. The fuck. Was that?” She breathed, shoulders shaking.

Ricky spit shell fragments from between his teeth, listening as they hit the ground and landed amid piles of guts he just knew he was going to have to rent a power washer to properly clean. “In order… of de-fucking-scending importance.” He grunted out as he pushed himself to his feet and stumbled across the deck to his half-conscious roommate, “You…” He looped Winston’s arm over his shoulder, struggling to lift them to their feet as the wound in his side pulsed and throbbed, “Are apparently a fucking mage, and we need to talk about why you didn’t tell me.” He started to drag them slowly toward the door, “You…” He had no free hands to point, but was certain his eyes were going to do the trick as he stared at Skylar, “Are about to be privy to several secrets that could get people killed if you talk. And I…. well I’m just bleeding through my third favorite flannel and onto my second favorite pair of jeans. So we are going to go inside, I’m going to disinfect this with copious amounts of isopropyl alcohol, I’m going to stitch it closed, and we’re all going to have a nice talk. Sound good?”

Feeling faint, Winston in a disorientated haze felt someone scoop them up. They recognised the sound of Ricky’s voice. They were saying something about them fucking a mage? But they never played Bards in D&D. They were the one class that they never really got the hang of. They always felt their characters fell flat. “What … about the … crabs?” Their eyes slid shut after that and a few moments later and they were being carried into the house. They could hear the crunch of Ricky’s shoes cracking glass fragments into even smaller pieces. They felt themselves get laid down on the sofa and slowly their body seemed to restart. “Fuck,” they muttered, their mouth feeling dry. “What the hell happened?” 

Hurrying ahead of Ricky, Skylar opened the door to the house and let the two of them hobble inside. Now that she was coming down from the adrenaline high of everything that had happened, her hands were shaking at her side. “The crabs are dead, you got ‘em.” Skylar said with a trembling smile as she followed the two of them into the living room. “I’ll get… I’ll get the rubbing alcohol. Stay put.” Skylar said as she hurried away towards the bathroom. That was where they’d keep isopropyl alcohol, right? She did her best not to dwell on everything she’d just seen, but her mind kept going back to the fangs she’d seen, the fire that had grown. “Mage. They’re a mage. And Ricky…” Skylar stared at herself in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. “He’s like me?” Shaking her head, she found the bottle of alcohol and returned to the others. “Here you go. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Under the sink! Grab the whole kit, I’mma need it” Ricky shuffled out of his shirt and examined the wound in his side with no small amount of disappointment, “This… is gonna be one ugly scar. Least it missed the tattoo.” Hearing Winston mutter from the couch he rounded on him, clamping his shirt to his side so he didn’t spill anymore blood, “MAGIC?! And you had the gall to be uppity about me?!” Skylar returned with the first aid kit and he flicked it open, unscrewing the bottle of alcohol with his teeth and gingerly pouring it over the wound, “Ahhhhhh fuck that burns. Oof. Uh…. I’m fine. I can fix myself. But I dunno about Johnny Flame over there.”

Stumbling to their feet, Winston moved slowly and painfully through the ruined room and into their kitchen which had been mostly undamaged. Pulling open their cupboards, they searched in silence for a moment until they found some oreos and began devouring them in an attempt to raise their blood sugar. This wasn’t the first time that something weird had happened and they had felt exhausted and they were getting better at feeding themselves. “Listen,” Winston finally croaked seven oreos later, “I didn’t know that I was … well we don’t know what I am, not for sure yet. You said yourself that you didn’t know everything.” They had had their own suspicions. But the fact of the matter was that they weren’t exactly in control of this. Not in the slightest.

Skylar settled down on the arm of the couch, watching as Ricky poured the rubbing alcohol over his wounds with a grimace. But, what she was most focused on were his teeth. The sharp fangs that looked so similar to her own. She glanced over to where Winston had crammed oreos into their mouth and hurried over to get them a glass of milk. It was the least she could do. “Here. Milk and cookies, just what every wizard friend needs?” She joked weakly before heading for the first aid kit she’d brought over. Glancing over at Ricky, she handed him a few packages of gauze and a roll of medical tape. “Do you think this will be enough?” The two of them looked miserable, it was the least she could do after their home had been trashed and they’d been attacked by… lobster monsters. 

Watching Winston Oreo themself back to semi-consciousness again, Ricky grunted an assent as he continued to clean his wound. “You’re right. I don’t know everything. But I know magic when it almost burns the porch down.” Heaving a deep sigh he gritted his teeth and looked down at the needle and suture thread in the first aid kit. He’d taken some field dressing classes after an accidental run in with a mermaid a couple of years previously, but it didn’t mean he had to like the process of giving himself stitches. Even if it only looked like he’d need four or so. “I think I know someone who can help. I won’t out you. But I’ll ask about resources.” The last syllable ground out into a sibilant hiss as he pushed the needle through, “fuck me with a chainsaw that never feels great. Did you get my teeth from the porch?” At this point the seal was very much out of the bed, and he wrangled the bottom set of veneers out of his mouth with his tongue and spat them onto the couch. “Sky. You hurt?”

Gratefully accepting the glass of milk from Skylar, Winston shot them a grateful smile. “Thanks, not sure what we would’ve done if we hadn’t invited you over for dinner,” the good news was that they were pretty certain that Skylar now knew what Ricky was, whether this was enough to get them to talk about it and start learning more about themselves was another matter entirely. But right now, Winston’s limbs felt like lead, their energy levels were rock bottom and they were sure that they could sleep for a few years if needed. “I didn’t almost burn down the porch and we have no proof that wasn’t a spontaneous natural phenomena that we’ve yet to explain,” they paused for a second and stared at their feet, “maybe you can find someone who can help me, but maybe I’m also not interested in exploring this discovery more, after all you saw what I nearly did to the porch, so why would I want to fuck around with this shit more?” They stared at their shoes for a second. “I’ve got your teeth, yeah,” they fished into their pocket and tossed the veneers onto the couch next to their friend, “those look almost similar to ones I’ve seen before,” they said pointedly, looking Skylar dead in the eyes through their glasses.

Waving her hand, Skylar shook her head. “I’m fine, they didn’t get me. And you don’t need to thank me, I didn’t do much. Just threw a bunch of fish out the window, really.” She said as she did her best not to stare as Ricky began to sew himself up. But, that went out the window when he spat out a set of veneers that looked… shockingly like hers. She could only gape with wide eyes. She could barely process Winston’s words, the less than subtle nod at her own false teeth. Covering her mouth with her hand, she stared from the two of them. “So… So, you’re a freaking fire wizard. And you’re a-- what are you?” She asked, heartbeat pounding in her ears. 

Tying the first stitch off with a hiss, Ricky gave himself time to breathe, pressing his shirt to the wound as he glared at Winston, “Oh can it, Herbert Hypocrite. Did we not just spend a whole meal telling Skylar over here that knowing more is always better than knowing less? Natural fucking phenomenon my ass. I’m not human, Win. I can guess at magic when I see it.” He grit his teeth and started the second stitch, sighing and looking at Skylar. “I’m a shape shifter. A selkie. I’m a seal who can walk as a human. Is the real short version of it. The slightly longer version of it is there are people who hunt creatures like me. So I keep it hella on the DL.” His muscles contracted at the strange dragging pain of the suture going through his skin and he could feel sweat breaking out across his forehead. “You know. At least this time I’m not giving myself stitches on a lonely beach. Upgrade!”

Winston moved to Ricky’s side where they were stitching themselves back up. “Do you want me to do that?” they asked without really thinking it through, honestly they kind of hoped that Ricky would say no because they weren’t sure that they actually could without throwing up. “That’s a good one Ricky, Herbert the Hypocrite was actually my name in another life. But the truth of the matter is that if I had known that this was actually a thing and had a name then I would have talked to someone, but these things have just been happening whenever things go haywire and I’m kind of stuck there afterwards completely exhausted and wondering what the fuck went on.” At least the secret was out. Ricky was talking to Skylar about what they were and Winston truly hoped that they would be able to come to terms that they were also a Selkie. 

Through all the insanity of the evening-- finding out that magic was real, being attacked by evil lobsters, watching Winston go all firebender on them-- Skylar thought she’d done a pretty good job of keeping things locked down. That she was, you know, handling it all. But, the more she listened to Ricky, the more the reality of her situation began to hammer into her brain. He was… a shapeshifter? A seal? A, a selkie? That couldn’t be possible, that wasn’t real, she couldn’t be one of those. She let Winston talk their way through everything, still staring at Ricky in shock. This couldn’t be real. But, in the back of her mind, she could see the soft pelt in her apartment, tucked under her mattress and hidden away. The weird pelt she’d been wrapped in as a baby… she’d never figured out exactly what kind of skin it was, but a seal? Was it a seal skin? Was she--? “Trust me, I’m also wondering what the fuck is going on too. We’re… in the same boat there.” She said to Winston before looking over at Ricky. “How… how did you know you were a selkie?” Skylar asked, voice shaking.

Ricky waved away Winston’s offer of help. “You need to sit down and get your strength back. I’m not the biggest fan of being touched when I’m bleeding out. Besides. If I paid all that money for those classes and then don’t stitch myself up it’s a waste.” He tied off the second stitch with the ghost of a whimper before starting on the third. “I’ll put some feelers out to people I know in the “not normal” community. See what I can come up with for you.” He turned to look at Skylar somewhat curiously. It wasn’t the normal line of questioning he got. “I was born a seal. I didn’t first shed my skin and become human til I was already two years old. I was born to a selkie and a human. My mom was from a clan of selkies. It was a bit of a scandal when she married a human. I’ve got fangs even in my human form, I can’t hear for shit, I’m color blind except underwater, and I have to transform every couple of weeks or I’ll die a, from what I’m told, incredibly painful death.” 

Winston wasn’t exactly sure that they were in a position to complain about Ricky not wanting someone else inexperienced to stitch them up, let alone actually do it. “That … is a fair point,” they fell silent once again, “I’m not sure that is exactly the way that value money exchange works but go off.” They sighed gently and tried to regain some of their strengths. Their bones ached and their muscles ached slightly less from the sugar boost in the oreos. But they knew that the real cure to this was sleep. Caffeine and sugar could only ever do so much. They listened carefully to what Ricky had to say for themselves. They hoped that Skylar could put the dots together. But this must be all very scary. Winston themselves was feeling overwhelmed with their current state. Were they really capable of magic? It seemed ridiculous to consider it. They’d been smarter then most for a while sure, but they weren’t special. They were just normal. 

As Ricky rattled off the various traits of what made him… a selkie, it felt as though Skylar’s entire world was collapsing in on itself. Everything she’d struggled through as a child, every weird look and bullying word sent in her direction, every time she’d wondered if she was just always going to be that… sad, pathetic girl. It was all coming together in one horrifying, startling picture of truth. “Oh my god.” Blinking rapidly, Skylar immediately stood up, her back ramrod straight. “I… I need to go. I can’t be here right now. I have to leave and I need…” She looked around the room, eyes wide and panicked. “I need to go home.” She said, her fingers reaching into her jacket pocket to curl around her car keys.

Skylar’s incredibly rapid rise from the couch had the unintended consequence of making Ricky jump, which in turn sent the needle in his hand deeper into his flesh than he was planning “Oh jesus fucking christ” he gasped out, doubling over on the couch, “Oh god that one stung. That one…. That one was a doozy.” He flapped a hand in Skylar’s direction as she made moves toward the door “I really don’t think you should! We’re not terribly close to the main road, chances of you running into those things on your drive out of here are pretty high, and it’s gonna be safer if you wait until light.” He slowly withdrew the needle and started the third stitch where he’d meant for it to be, “You should stay.” 

If they were faced with the situation in which Skylar was now faced, Winston couldn’t say with all honesty that they would want to remain in this place. Especially with the fact that they looked like maybe they were coming to terms with a lot more then they had before. Winston hoped that this wasn’t all too much. They’d just planned for this to be a nice dinner where they got to know them but instead they’d found out that they were truly a magician and Skylar had found out that there were other Selkies in the world. “I know you don’t want to be here, and if you want to be alone there’s a spare room and if you insist on going home we won’t stop you, but Ricky’s right. It’s dangerous out there right now.”

Jumping in surprise at Ricky’s outburst of pain, Skylar shook her head. She had to get out of here, she had to leave. She didn’t want to be here right now. And as the two tried to convince her, all she could think of was the pelt in her bedroom and how she needed it. How she needed to make sure it was safe. How she had to figure out if what Ricky told her was true. Taking in a deep breath, she screwed up her courage. Fuck it. Reaching into her mouth, she removed the veneers from her teeth and bared the long fangs that she’d spent so many years of her life hiding. “I’m going home. Right. Now.” She said before storming out of the house, the door slamming shut behind her.

Several things happened in quick succession. Ricky tied off the third stitch, listened to Winston lay out some solid logic, and looked up to see Skylar revealing fangs that were only slightly less perfect than his were. In her defense, however, he’d always been a stickler for oral hygiene. Many puzzle pieces clicked into place all at once. The hearing aids. The fishing. The sense of connection he irrationally felt and he couldn’t help but turn to his roommate as he tried to stop more blood from getting on his couch with a hint of recrimination in his voice, “you fucking knew, didn’t you.” One hand slowly managed to drag his phone out of his pocket and painfully type out a text as he used the other to cover his wound. When you’re ready to find out more about what you are… we’re here for you. In the end, that was all he could do. 

Sighing guiltily, Winston shrugged and fixed Ricky with a stare. “I couldn’t tell you about her because she didn’t want everyone to know, and I couldn’t tell her about you because you’re worried, justifiably sure, but still…” Winston couldn’t help but feel somewhat concerned by everything that had gone on here. They had to clean up their house, make sure that Dee hadn’t gotten hurt, work out what the hell was going on with themselves and then they had to make sure that Skylar wasn’t hurt or upset or anything too untoward.

[dear-wormwoods]

Birthday Thoughts

So I turned 30 today, and I feel like I’ve been in panic mode about this since I turned 29. But to be honest, now that it’s here I’m, shockingly, actually happy about it. 29 felt like a crisis, but 30 feels good. I’ve left a lot of mistakes and negativity behind in my 20′s, so from where I’m standing, my 30′s seem like a really exciting, positive new stage of life, no longer something to dread.

I have spent a lot of time this past year lamenting about having done “nothing” in my 20’s, claiming that I wasted the last decade being depressed and attempting to make up for “lost time” by acting like a dumbass. It wasn’t until very recently that I began to actually reflect on what I have achieved and learned in my 20’s, rather than on what I didn’t.

To start, here are the things I didn’t do:

Find the love of my life and get married

Lose all the weight I want to lose

Travel around the country/world 

It’s worth noting that these goals are, along with the subsequent disappointment in not achieving them, firmly rooted in expectations I created for myself after comparing my own life to the lives that friends/peers/coworkers present on social media. I saw a handful of people who were skinny and fit, somehow able to afford travel and houses, and staying in relationships long enough to get married. Upon making these comparisons, I convinced myself I had failed at life. But the reality is, not only do I still have plenty of time to do those things, drawing comparisons has kept me from examining my own accomplishments.

So here are some things I HAVE achieved or learned in the last decade:

I've gotten two higher degrees, a BA and an M.Ed. I allowed myself to change paths while in school, and even now, I’m going back to school yet again for a second Master’s degree because it’s never too late to switch gears. Because of my self esteem issues, I’ve had a tendency to downplay how much of an achievement my education actually is, and how much time and energy I’ve invested in it. It’s a big effing deal and I’m proud, damn it!!

I’ve always been an independent person, and aside from a couple of years while in grad school, I’ve been paying my own way all this time. I live on my own, I pay for school, bills, rent, everything. While I know my parents can help me out when I’m really desperate, I know that I’ll never have to completely depend on another person to take care of me in my adult life, nor would I ever want that for myself.

I was lucky enough to actually have a career in my 20’s, to work in a place I enjoyed, with peers who taught me a lot, and students who helped me grow just as much as I helped them. Teaching may not have been the most perfect fit for me, but it was exactly what I needed to be doing at the time and it led me to what is hopefully my final career destination as a counselor. To have had the opportunity to build my resume, discover and hone professional skills, and realize what I really want to do in my life, all before turning 30, is a big deal. I put the work in, I need to be proud of it. 

I’ve raised two amazing cats up from tiny kittens to big boy 10-year-olds, and they are the most affectionate cats I could ever ask for. This is another accomplishment I take for granted!! Not everyone can earn the love of an animal, and I have, so I must have done something right. Both have had a life threatening health issue once in their lives, and both times I did everything necessary to fix it, from syringe feeding to paying thousands for surgery. Loving them and caring for them gave me purpose!

I’ve grown, changed, and learned a lot about myself through a series of disappointing relationships, as well as friends entering and exiting my life, some explosively and others via gradual drifting. I’ve realized what kind of love and support I need and - more importantly - deserve. I’ve learned that it’s okay to trim the fat and remove people from my life when needed. I’ve learned that people who stall my personal growth, or worse - cause me to actually regress - are not people I’m obligated to spend time with or talk to. I’ve learned it’s okay to put myself first, and the positive effect that lesson has had on my sense of self worth was shockingly immediate.

I’ve learned that setbacks, even major ones, aren’t the end of the world (although it still feels like it mid-panic attack). Even when the setback is my own fault it’s still not worth dwelling on, because the only thing to do about it is to move forward and treat it as a lesson. This year in particular has been a lesson in the futility of dwelling on things, as my mental health spiraled downward and resulted in having to leave my job. Once I stopped treating that as a failure and accepted it for what it was, a temporary setback, a weight lifted and I was able to move forward again.

As much as I belittle myself for not already winning the battle with my weight, it’s not like I haven’t made significant progress either. I began my 20’s as a restrictive eater and later on became a binge eater. I’ve spent the last couple of years moving away from that (with the help of medication), and while I can’t say I have the healthiest diet ever, I can say that I no longer restrict or binge, and I’m no longer consumed by thoughts of food and calories the way I once was. It’s a huge step that I need to stop taking lightly just because the results aren’t immediate or visible.

Throughout my 20’s, especially in the last couple of years, I have developed more positive relationships with my extended family and learned to look beyond differences that caused me to ‘other’ myself in my youth. I witnessed my grandfather’s death in the hospital, which was a spiritually meaningful moment. In the aftermath, I’ve grown closer to my grandmother, aunts, and even my dad. I’ve learned to better appreciate the time I spend with everyone in my family. Nothing is permanent.

Over the last few months I’ve come SO far with my mental health, the way I see myself, and the way I interact with the world. I’ve really been laying the groundwork to enter my 30′s on a high note. I’m far from perfect, and I still need to find a new job, but things are really great. I’m loving my new grad program and quickly making friends with the other people in my classes. I finally got the guts to start going to OrangeTheory and I’m obsessed with that gym let me tell you. I Marie-Kondo’d my apartment and got rid of everything I had to in order to feel refreshed. I have a therapist who truly helps me. I’m dealing with my finances and looking for jobs instead of avoiding the issue. I’ve been dating new people, hanging out with my friends and family a lot more than I had been, reading for fun, smiling more, and just feeling GOOD about my life. 

I spent so much time in the last couple of years being so miserable, to the point where I totally lost control of my life and rarely even got out of bed, so it feels good to enter the next phase being able to breathe again. 

ANYWAY I didn’t expect anyone to read this but thank you if you did. It’s just a significant day in the midst of a really transformative year for me, so, yeah, happy birthday to me. 

PS: One of my new grad school friends is going to do a Tarot reading for me tonight so like, if I come back later and say “I TAKE IT ALL BACK THIS YEAR’S GONNA SUCK BALLS!!!” that’s why (but I’m expecting good things).

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode three

Let me start off by congratulating the producers – not you Ish – on this great episode. I finally feel like we’re back to THE SHOW. Not a weird Bachelor spin-off with minimal drama and blatantly horrible editing (see: Juliette’s grad party scene, where Chloe’s nails change color DURING THE PARTY.) Nope, we’re done with that and back to the good stuff, so on that note, let’s cut to the feeling.

Come ON MTV it’s like you weren’t even trying. And yes, I created this, and no, I don’t have a life.

I know I’m going to like an episode when it starts off with the angelic sounds of my lord and savior, Ariana Grande. As break up with ur girlfriend, i’m bored plays, we zoom into Cara’s house. Personally, I’m hoping to see Victoria. Alas – it’s just Cara…and Garrett. God, Garrett STOP. Your ex-girlfriend has already outlined exactly how Cara is using you – since she did the exact same thing - and you’re still asking Cara on dates? This is so cringe. Where’s Victoria?!

Even though Garrett can’t score a date, Brandon can! Maybe instead of asking Cara to go look at babies, you should ask her to rollerblade, G Baby. As Amanda and Brandon glide around the Key, we learn that Brandon is celebrating his 24th birthday on Friday! And it’s “24, Like, Karat Gold Slash, Like, Pirate, Sort Of” themed, of course! He debates whether or not to invite Juliette while giving us viewers amazing helmet safety tips. Meanwhile, after Cara has removed G Baby from her property, she makes her way to Chloe’s to checkuppé on her. This is where we learn that Chloe has officially called the cops and filed a police report. I have a lot of opinions, but more on this later.

Okay, something I haven’t touched on because I wish it wasn’t happening I haven’t had time is that Kelsey and Jared have sparked a little romance. If you don’t remember, while Kelsey was dating her random LA boyfriend, Jared was the 86th person she cheated on him with. I see this going well! I mean, it always works out when you leave someone you cheated on for the person you cheated with. Right? Plus, there’s Twisted Tea and mudding involved, so Kelsey can rest assured she’ll be going on sophisticated and expensive dates instead of the shitty and poor dates that Garrett used to take her on.

FINALLY, the C + V scene I need and deserve. Donning a black one-piece that contrasts perfectly with her frozen fruity pink drink, Victoria is effortlessly exuding two polar opposite, chaotic energies. I’m getting “sassy”, but I’m also getting “I’ll fuck you up if you insult my 90’s Quiksilver skater shoes.” AKA, I’m getting Avril during the Girlfriend era. And I love it. As she floats next to Cara in the pool and shockingly proclaims that she’s not into guys, (what?!) I’m on my knees praying to God himself that she become a main cast member vis-à-vis a relationship with Cara. It’s Victoria’s show, and we’re all just living in it, baby. After Cara’s bizarre comment about how her parents punish her by locking her in their wine cellar (weird flex, but okay) Victoria giggles about how dumb Garrett is and we move on.

We leave C and V for a Madisson and Kelsey reunion, but it’s not a happy one. Madisson delivers the unfortunate news that Chloe may be pressing charges. Oh no! I would be really upset by this, but I can’t focus on the content of Madisson’s words because of how she’s delivering them. Madisson, we fully understand that you’ve been to an acting class in LA because you won’t shuttupé about it, so you can stop over-enunciating everything that comes out of your mouth. Thanks!

After Kelsey tells Juliette about her impending stint in Florida prison, she gets understandably upset. Luckily, Boring Robby is there to teach Juliette how to apologize. Don’t say he never did anything for her! I want to point out that Kelsey truly has been redeeming herself this season. She’s been pretty level headed and a very good friend. If only Boring Robby could do the same… Later in the day, Kelsey confronts Robby about another thing Madisson spilled during their meetup. Apparently, while Juliette was fighting everyone last week, Boring Robby had the audacity to applaud her! How gauche. Boring Robby vehemently denies these claims, saying, “Always take the high road, because the low road is way too crowded,” and, “Silence is the best way to react to a fool, and happiness is the best revenge.” First of all, stop lying about things that were FILMED on national television. You’re now Boring Robby: The Liar. Second of all, why are you the human embodiment of my ninth grade Pinterest quotes board?

Grab your pillows and sleeping bags because we are heading to a SLUMBER PARTY! But before anyone can start braiding each other’s hair, Chloe begins to stir the pot, yet again. She delights in bringing up Brandon and Amanda’s new relationship right in front of Madisson. But to distract from the awkwardness, Amanda changes the subject to her missing phone. After the fight, she lost her phone and no one has been able to find it. She starts to give us a play-by-play analysis of why and how she thinks Boring Robby: The Liar stole it. I’m sorry, am I watching Joe Goldberg on You, or am I watching Amanda on Siesta Key? 

It’s the day of the BG’s bday, and I’m so excited to see everyone’s 24 Karat Gold Slash Like Pirate themed outfits! They don’t disappoint - G Baby and Victoria are even matching!! I’ve never screamed so loudly in my life. Garrett obviously refuses to drink, and we’re off to the party. But first, there’s one guest who needs to arrive.

As Alex descends from his family’s PJ strapped with Louis luggage, a BEER, and fresh digs straight from the Siesta Key mall, I can feel the blood coming back into my body. I can feel individual atoms multiplying. I can feel my soul re-entering my empty, hollow frame. I feel exactly like Bella in the fourth Twilight novel, Breaking Dawn. After her half-human, half-vampire baby has eaten its way out of her uterine lining, Edward is forced to do the unthinkable: steal Bella’s mortal soul by turning her into a vampire so she has a shot to survive. (It’s the second time in the series that vampire Edward is forced to resist sucking all of Bella’s enticing blood to save her – that’s true love.) As she starts to respond to his venom, each and every one of her cells begins to freeze over and restore life to her body. Suddenly, she is awake. Her vision is sharp, her mind is clear, and she’s never looked better. And that’s EXACTLY how I felt as Alex exited his plane.

I expect nothing less than for Alex to arrive at BG’s party with three underage Ukrainian mail-order brides. And he doesn’t disappoint. Unfortunately for the brides, he immediately begins discussing relationships with Cara. It’s fun to see Cara pride herself in not cheating on people for the past year. I kind of feel like that should be a given, but okay. As they’re undressing each other with their eyes talking, Garrett is having an interesting convo of his own. Classic Chloe starts stirring the pot AGAIN by telling Garrett that Cara is using him. Really Chloe? Cara is supposed to be your best friend. What’s more shocking is that VICTORIA starts to betray Cara as well. This causes an immediate fight between Carrett. They leave the party and start screaming at each other in the jungle. I’m so enraptured by the fight that I momentarily forget they’re at a themed party and fixate on Garrett’s outfit. Why am I watching Garrett Miller scream in a jungle dressed as a pirate? Oh, right. Anyways.

Even though Cara and G Baby are scream fighting, the party continues to rage on. And everyone is makingoutté. Kelsey and Jared, Amanda and Brandon... something is in the air! It must be the pirate theme. #LetsGetScurvy. But one person isn’t feeling the love – Madisson. With Dad gone, she has no one to kish. Clearly bothered by watching her friend and ex-boyfriend eat each other’s faces, Madisson decides to give Brandon the sad news that Amanda is using him. Whether or not she is, Madisson has no right to give her opinion on the matter. And BG says exactly that. Good for him! Another person surprisingly not making out with someone is Alex. He’s too busy being an asshole to Kelsey and telling anyone who will listen that Boring Robby is bad news. Probably true, but literally no one can be worse than he is, except maybe Pauly Paul. In other news, WHERE IS PAUL.

Unfortunately, the next scene doesn’t involve Pauly or Victoria – just Chloe and Juliette. Juliette shows up after Chloe gets out of work to hopefully avoid jailtime hash things out. Now strap in because I’m about to explain exactly where I stand with the Chloe/Juliette drama, and if you aren’t completely focused, please take a 10mg Adderall, wait ten minutes, and check back in.

Okay, hopefully, you’ve taken amphetamines and can really dial in. Here goes: I realize that Chloe is a necessary evil - it’s an indisputable fact that there would be no show without her antics. No one is as shameless when it comes to talking shit and completely ruining their friendships for the sake of television. And for that, I deeply respect Chloe. (I realize that sounds sarcastic but I am dead serious. Thank you for taking one for the team, Chloe.) But I simply cannot stand when she gets what’s coming to her then plays the innocent victim. Obviously, violence is not cool, and Juliette should be embarrassed by her behavior. But Chloe knew exactly what the outcome of that conversation would be. She was banking on a wasted Juliette reacting horribly. With Chloe, you simply cannot win. Earlier in this episode, Chloe verbatim says to Madisson and Cara, “If the roles were reversed, I would have shown up at her house, apologizing.”

Now cut to this scene, where Chloe verbatim says to Juliette (after Juliette shows up at her workplace) “I really don’t know why you’re here, so if you can please leave and leave me alone.”

Juliette said it best herself – “Chloe is my best friend when I’m miserable. When I’m actually thriving…this type of stuff happens.” Let’s take a moment to analyze the similarities and differences of how Chloe and the rest of the cast handled Chloe’s altercation with Amanda during season one, in which Amanda broke Chloe’s nose and sent her to surgery. After sending Chloe to the hospital, Amanda justifies her actions by saying that Chloe started it first. So everyone is okay with Amanda decking Chloe. The fact is, Chloe started it first here, too. Chloe swatted at Juliette’s hand first. So why did everyone grab coffee with Amanda, but ostracize Juliette? Amanda even had a sit-down conversation with Chloe after her surgery expecting Chloe to apologize. The inconsistencies and hypocrisy present…I CANNOT.

Chloe acts like everyone’s best friend to stay relevant and betrays them the second it benefits her. While I do agree that Juliette is only apologizing because she’s scared Chloe will press charges, I think people who talk shit, unfortunately, get hit, on occasion. Until next week!

[secret-vore-lair]

Neyra’s Gift

Okay major warning here because this one is rough. I PROMISE it’s not fatal vore but that’s . . . really not obvious for a long time. Mally is fine. I’ll tell you that up front in case you don’t want to read this, since, well, this is definitely not going to be for everyone. It gets dark before it gets sweet. That said, I really hope that if you do read it, you enjoy it!

Mally wheezed and dragged herself across the snow, one of her back legs stiff and refusing to cooperate. Her wings were bent unnaturally, one of her eyes appeared swollen closed, and she was "bleeding" a thin trail of liquid the same color as her scales. In fact, it was her scales. It appeared that the dragon was terribly injured, and her whole body was coming undone, twisted and unable to hold together.

She collapsed, leeching green into the powdery white around her, and heaved a slow, deliberate breath. She wouldn’t last long out here. She knew it. Her life would be over, soon. Yes, any second now. . .

A shadow fell over her. Her one good eye looked up dully, its rich red faded by exhaustion and despair.

She saw an angel.

A fire dragon like her, but twice her size and with the smoothest, glossiest scales, and a silky mane flecked with snow and flowing hypnotically in the current of the wind, now stood over her, head canted as if listening, clouded eyes as white as the bleak world around them gazing at nothing. The angel's tongue flicked out, and she lowered her head beside Mally's to speak. And oh, her voice. . . It was as exquisite as her appearance, Mally thought to herself in her muddled brain. So focused was she on the dragon's soothing, compassionately soft tone that she missed the first few words, only focusing in blearily after several euphoric moments.

"--ly wish I had found you in time," she was saying. "I'm so sorry to say this, but there's nothing I can do. I don't know if that's what you want to hear. I only know that, were I in your place, I would desire honesty. So I will give you the truth, at least."

Mally struggled to keep up with what she was being told by this gorgeous creature. The dragon had such a beautiful face, even though it looked so very sad. The other dragon kept speaking, but Mally was too tired to comprehend much. But then she licked Mally's forehead, and Mally refocused in time to hear her say, "Actually. . . there might be something I can do for you after all." Now the larger dragon looked both sad and conflicted, and Mally hummed sympathetically. She didn't want this pretty dragon to be sad! She wanted to help, but she was just so sleepy. . .

Neyra looked down on Mally, her heart breaking inside. The poor thing was doomed to die out in the miserable, unforgiving cold. Or, at least, she was, until Neyra had happened upon her. But there was only one thing Neyra could offer her, and though it was undoubtedly a kindness, it promised to wrench her tender heart even more painfully. Before she could torment herself further with premeditation, she forced herself to move forward with her mercy, giving Mally another lick, then slipping her jaws over the smaller dragon's snout. Her . . . her prey . . . didn't respond at first to this initial step, and, feeling encouraged, Neyra hurriedly pushed her mouth over Mally's entire head, the plush pink flesh of her maw sheltering Mally's damaged snout in softness and warmth. Soon the wounded dragon's entire body would be so held. This was Neyra's gift. Mally would not pass alone in the cold, but surrounded by love and warmth. As the other dragon began to struggle feebly with some of the last of her strength, Neyra's unseeing eyes welled with tears. She choked back a sob and took a weighty gulp, trapping the dragon's head in her throat. She held her arms and wings to her sides with her own larger claws, and rushed to consume her, even if she wished she could go slower, be more gentle, and savor her prey. Indeed, the other dragon possessed a flavor superior to anything she'd eaten before, her scales shedding the faint taste of citrus over Neyra's especially sensitive tongue, along with a viscous green film that drizzled through her teeth like a sugary syrup.

Neyra purred. She couldn't help it. As much as she felt guilty about enjoying this, wouldn't it be wrong not to seize what pleasure she could from this act, and encourage the other dragon to do the same? It was what was best for both of them, after all. Her throat bulged with the shapely mass of the doomed dragon as she walked her jaws over her wings, restraining them safely. With consistent, smooth swallows, soon only a pair of kicking legs and a weakly lashing tail could be seen of Mally. Neyra lifted her head high, wincing, and finished the deed, slirking the other dragon into her firelit confines with a thick, wet gulp and sealing her fate with the closing of jaws and interlocking of gleaming white teeth. Peristalsis would take over, now, and bring Mally into Neyra's core. With a meal this large, it would normally be a struggle, but so faint was Mally, and fading, that she couldn't put up much of a fight, and Neyra's involuntary processes would be more than sufficient for doing what was required. Neyra wiped the drool from her lips and lowered her head, feeling Mally's wriggling, depleting form gain admittance to her stomach, her middle sagging down with the extra weight, her belly stretching and groaning, a pleasant, slothful satiation spreading from her abdomen and warming her from head to tail.

"Wh. . . Why?"

She tensed up as she heard the word spoken with some effort, the other dragon's muffled voice cracking as she pleaded to understand.

"Why would you. . . I thought. . ."

Neyra shut her eyes tight as she felt the other dragon paw at her inner walls and struggle to catch her breath. She took a shaky breath of her own, her lungs expanding to press in against Mally's body. She whispered, "Please. . . I know you have to struggle. I understand. But I promise, I don't want to scare you. I know it's so much to ask, but will you listen to me?"

Mally panted, staring at the faintly glowing walls, then frantically casting her gaze down to the fluid that lapped at her exhausted body, harmlessly. . . For now. The slimy walls squeezed in on her in a way that was almost calming, like an embrace. But even in her state there was no denying it. This was a stomach. She had been eaten. And yet, when her devourer spoke, she sensed that same earnest kindness in her voice from when she stood over her with concern. There wasn't a trace of smugness or cruelty. She didn't feel like she'd been deceived. She mustered her strength and strained her vocal cords, managing an, "Mm. . . Mmhm?"

Neyra sighed and settled softly onto her side, raising her external temperature to melt the snow in a perfect ring around her. "O-Okay! Thank you!" She rested a claw on her stomach, but immediately thought better of it and removed it, such a familiar gesture seeming out of place in this scenario. Heartened by Mally's willingness to hear her out, she asked, "What's your name? I'm Neyra."

"Mal. . . Mal . . . ly."

"Mally. That's a lovely name." The more she spoke, the easier it became to continue the conversation. She smiled sadly. "Mally, I know it's difficult to accept, but you and I both know that, um, you're . . . you're not long for this world. And I can't save you. But . . . I can hold you. And I can give you a different way out, one without pain." She sniffled. "Gods, I wish we were meeting under different circumstances." She wiped her eyes, then gasped in surprise when she felt Mally prod her from within. "Yes? Are you alright?"

"Yeah. . ." Mally croaked softly. Even with Neyra's keen ears, she had to hold her head close to her stomach and strain to hear. "Will you . . . di . . . digest . . . me?"

Neyra moistened her lips, nervous. She didn't want Mally's end to be filled with fear. But honesty had worked so far. "Yes, Mally. That's what I intended. You would be warm, and I would be with you the whole time, and I would remember you--" She cut herself off as she heard something faint from inside her. Mally? A stomach sound? She was extremely quiet for a long moment, and when it became clear that Mally wouldn't repeat herself unprompted, if at all, she hesitantly asked, "Mally? Did you say something?"

"Ye. . . yes."

Neyra waited.

"It's . . . okay."

Neyra trembled. "It is? I mean, um. I didn't think you would. . . I didn't think you would, well. . ."

Mally pushed against the stomach lining with her snout. "My end . . . serves purpose this way. You're kind. Want to help you." She smiled in spite of herself. She was shockingly calm now. It became much easier to speak, though her voice stayed low. "You'll keep me company? Talk to me?"

"I will," Neyra said without hesitation.

"Then this is better. You'll carry me with you. I'll become . . . part of you." Mally laughed, then coughed. "Talk about . . . an upgrade."

Neyra blushed. "I don't know about--"

"Shush, you're ravishing. You're going to kill me, so you have to accept my compliments. That's the rules."

She laughed, and Neyra laughed along with her. Mally sucked in a pained-sounding breath, cutting off the mirth for both of them with a harsh reminder of the dire nature of their situation. "You . . . had better get started. Think I might go . . . any time now."

"Right, um. Okay. You sure? Yeah? Then, well, h-here we go." With that, Neyra elevated the temperature of her innards, activating the enzymes inside and causing the liquid to bubble and simmer. Her heart leapt when she heard Mally's voice once again. Amidst the escalating gurgles, she could make out broken purring. "Oh, Mally. . . I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I think . . . In another life, I think I would've liked to have you for a friend."

Mally shook her head as the flickering of Neyra's inner elemental energies showed her body succumbing to the biological expression of the larger dragon's hunger. As her form blurred and ran further, tingling all over, she was scared, yes, but the process, even as it only just began, already brought her such relief from her suffering. As the walls pressed in, the tension left her incrementally. It was like slowly relaxing into a deep sleep. . . "Neyra. You already do have me for a friend. You have me . . . completely. There's no other way I'd rather my story end. I give myself to you."

Neyra was shaken. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead she curled tighter around the dragon dissolving in her core, shrouding her stomach in her wings and wrapping her tail around her body, trembling. Finally, she managed, "I . . . I need to know how I can honor you, Mally."

"Keep living."

Of course. That seemed obvious. Carry her memory forward. Never before had Neyra so resonated with the idea that her body was a temple. With Mally's sacrifice it seemed to become a holy place. Their union was consecrated, sacred. "I promise, Mally." She kissed the scales of her belly, and tried not to think about the surprising softness and give in its surface as she did so. "Thank you." She waited. Listened. Wait, when had the purring stopped? She pressed a claw to her stomach in alarm. "M-Mally? Mally?!" She stifled a sob. Knowing what would happen didn't make it any easier. But as her stomach continued to churn, and she felt energy flowing into her body even as a wave of heaviness and exhaustion washed paradoxically over her, she tried to focus on a silver lining. She was alive, and fed, and Mally had been given an exit she was satisfied with. At least, that's what she hoped. Her life was better for this, for knowing Mally, even if it hurt. If she'd never stumbled onto her, then Mally would have suffered. So would she, and she never would have known what she had missed. She heaved herself to her feet, belly sloshing and swaying beneath her with liquid weight. She had a long way to go before she was home. But she had the strength now to make it. Of that she was sure.

"And as for Mally? The dragon too sweet, literally and figuratively, for this dark, gritty world? Why, she's nothing but calories now for the most beautiful fire dragon to ever walk the earth. She's nothing but pudge on the world's cutest tail, keeping the owner of that tail warm and plump and--"

"Mally," Neyra chided the voice in her head, "Don't you think narration like that undercuts the raw emotion we're supposed to be feeling right now? The profound loss and all of those things you talked to me about when we planned this?"

Neyra's claws crunched a steady rhythm in the snow, in time with the sloshing of the sludgy remnants of her very willing meal.

"Neyra, come on," Mally replied mentally, her consciousness settling itself alongside the blind dragon's own in her neural pathways with comfort and familiarity, an ease that comes with practice and trust. "You can't really expect me to talk about anything else! Your body demands appreciation. Surely you don't need me to tell you that."

Neyra found her cheeks getting hotter again. "I . . . do always find myself to be more confident when you're part of me. You're very . . . affectionate, and when all of that gets translated into self-love, I'll admit I do get a little . . . overwhelmed. In a good way."

"'Overwhelmed in a good way' is what I live for, sweetie," Mally said proudly.

"Hehe, yes, I suppose so. Even though I don't quite understand what it is you enjoy so much about playing out such morbid scenes with me, or the others."

"I don't know, there's something just kind of alluring about it. The permanence of it, the desperation. . . And it's all hypothetical, so as long as I don't push your limits and you don't push mine, it's just a safe space to experiment with my feelings and . . . face my fears." Mally said.

Neyra nodded, brushing her mane back. She tasted the air, making sure the two of them were still going the right way. "Yes, imagining how you and I would make the most of a terrible situation is a compelling story, not to mention cathartic. And of course, not actually needing to deal with the consequences is a bonus. I couldn't bear to lose you, after all." She rubbed her gut, causing Mally to mentally purr. "Speaking of which, I know we agreed that you could appear wounded to increase the immersion, but that form you took, it was a little much. Even if I knew in the back of my mind it was just some macabre charade, hearing you act so hurt, feeling you all twisted up and disintegrating . . . it was, well, it was a lot for me."

"Aww, sorry Neyra. I'll dial it back next time, I promise."

"Next time?" Neyra raised an eyebrow.

"Pleeeeeeease?" Mally begged, hopeful. "You were so good. I wanna get mercy-killed by you every day now. But I'll settle for . . . once a month?"

Neyra smiled. "Fine. You wore me down." Then, hearing Mally take the mental equivalent of a breath to wind up for a quick bit of banter, Neyra swiftly added, "'No, I wore you down.' I know, I know, I set you up for it."

"Wore me right down to mush, hahaha!" Mally giggled, way too pleased with herself. Still euphoric from dissolution and integration into Neyra. "Yep, you know me so well. It's like you're in my head! Get it? 'Cause we're sharing a brain? Oh, I slay myself. . . Or I would, if my gorgeous girlfriend didn't beat me to it!"

Neyra shook her head. She couldn't help but smile at her partner's barrage of terrible puns. Finally arriving at the entrance to Mally's cave lair, she squeezed inside, the entrance a little dicey for her with the addition of Mally, but still manageable. She settled onto Mally's treasure hoard with a groan, the coins and trinkets pressing into the sensitive scales of her belly and providing a pleasant texture to relax atop. "Mally, you know something? You're a lot," she said with a chuckle. She felt Mally's consciousness twine around her own as they prepared to sleep and dream together. With uncharacteristic mischief, perhaps something that quite literally rubbed off on her from Mally, Neyra saw them both off to sleep on a note she knew would leave her passenger prey a flustered mess, whispering, "Yes, you're a lot. . . And you’re all mine. Lucky me!" She smiled as Mally found herself at a loss for words, and then was promptly dragged into unconsciousness when the brain she dwelled within shut down for rest. Neyra couldn't wait to see what kind of dreams the two of them would conjure up now.

[qm-vox]

Everything The Light Touches - The Heartless Giant & The Glass Mountain

You know this story. It’s Winter - isn’t it always Winter? - and the night is dark and cold. Our Intrepid Heroine has run away from home. Why doesn’t matter; maybe her father yelled at her, or she’s had another argument with her mother. Maybe it’s not home she’s run away from, but a boy’s house (or a girl’s; dying cold and alone in the hard Winter is a tale as old as time, after all). Perhaps she ran away a long time ago, and this is not her first long, dark Winter. And someone says:

“I know somewhere bright and warm to stay.”

Someone more skittish, more cautious, someone not as cold and alone, would not take the stranger’s hand, but Our Heroine is Intrepid, and she does. And the stranger is as good as her word. It’s always bright and warm in the Glass Mountain.

The thing left behind to freeze in Our Heroine’s place dies, sometimes, becoming the latest matchstick girl discovered lost in the snow on some sad Christmas morning. You know this story, after all.

But not how it ends.

The Master - The Heartless Giant

Most of His slaves wish they could forget the Heartless Giant, but few ever do; whatever else their Homecoming erases from their mind, the image of the looming Giant remains seared into their minds and stalks their dreams. He is hideous amongst the Fae, looming nearly eighteen feet tall and clad in armor made from guttering, metallic light snatched from dying candles, broken bulbs, sputtering coals, and the eyes of dead men, which casts more shadow than light and makes the scabbed rashes that crawl over the Giant’s exposed flesh seem like rippling scales. Mismatched teeth, wrenched from the mouths of those who dared speak ill of Him, crowd the Giant’s mouth and drip with saliva constantly refreshed by His panting, too-long tongue.

A hole is there in the Giant’s armor, right where his heart should go at the front and the back. There is only a terrible Darkness there, which no light can illuminate. Those who challenge the Heartless Giant to battle and do not fall before His massive glass shield (studded with sharpened finger bones, each taken from a thief slain in the burning Glass Mountain) are snatched up in the Giant’s hand and crammed into His heart-hole. The lucky die; others crawl forth as miserable Darklings, emptied and cored, and are turned loose to stagger towards the mortal realms as best they can. Most will never make it.

The Heartless Giant covets beauty, glory, and light, but despises the work necessary to acquire it, and so He bends His energy to acquiring slaves that can forge these things in His name. Rarely does the Giant bother to snatch victims with His own calloused hands; squads of loyalists with His brand over what’s left of their hearts flit to and from the mortal realms with orders from the Giant clutched in their hands. There are many roles to fill in the Glass Mountain; the Giant requires guards, treasures human and post-human pets as adornments for His throne room, and needs artists, smiths, glaziers, engineers, and dreamers to forge new treasures for His vaults, for His hoards, and even, at times, to sell to others among the Fae. While most of His time is spent on His throne, idling away hours simply staring at the light of His own domain, the Heartless Giant trusts nothing and no one with the tally of His hoard, and counts each bauble, slag-glass coin, and fractured beam of light by hand when the mood strikes Him. He also puts the finishing touches on each and every Fetch forged in the Glass Mountain, ensuring that they will live half-lives as miserable and bleak as their originals are now condemned to.

The Land - The Glass Mountain

The Glass Mountain that is fortress, factory, and vault for the Heartless Giant sits beneath an endless land of Night in which other Fae and fae creatures prowl, politic, and prey on one another. Other Gentry sometimes try to breach the Mountain’s defenses, but few even go near it; its crystal-clear walls shine forth with flickering, strobing lights in all colors, sometimes warm like a forge, and other times strobing so brightly as to boil mortal eyes from their skulls if they aren’t shut in time. There is no obvious passage into the Glass Mountain, and its secret ways are guarded by the Heartless Giant’s fiercest slaves.

Those who escape the Glass Mountain have nightmares of being lost in invisible halls cut through with searing light and color. The bottomless foundries, workshops, weaving-rooms, forges, and sweatshops that burst with the Giant’s slaves (some still human, many anything but these days) shed heat into the Mountain and the endless Night outside, and the air twists and smokes but never quite ignites as a result. It’s all too easy to get lost in the twisting, identical hallways and end up hunted down by the Giant’s Changeling guards that blend in with the light and color of His domain. Sounds, too, move through the entirety of the Glass Mountain, and the constant noise of toil is sometimes cut through by the screams of those who have displeased their new master, or who must be adjusted to survive life in the Mountain.

Escape can be difficult. The Mountain does not connect to the Hedge directly, so the first challenge of any Lost that seeks their Homecoming is to exit it into the light-slashed Night without. Some hide among shipments of unfinished Fetches (waiting only the thin strips of shadow that will give them life, provided by the clients who hire the Giant’s slaves to make the simulacra), while others flee from work details on the surface of the Glass Mountain. Sometimes, though, the Giant simply turns one of the Lost loose, walking them through the Night outside and gently setting them down on the path leading home. These unfortunates learn far too late that the Heartless Giant delights in cruelty, and return home to ruin and sorrow.

The Brave and the Broken - Lost of the Glass Mountain

Lost of many Seemings emerge from the Glass Mountain, under their own power or as the terrified loyalists which serve the Heartless Giant, but there are trends. Darklings are somewhat common to make, coming as they do from brave heroes who try to oppose their oppressor, but they only rarely survive the resulting journey home; of those that do, some absorb the essence of the Mountain itself and stagger back as Mirrorskins that shed an oddly bright and hollow light (accenting the shadows near them rather than illuminating them), while others croak desperate deals with buckets of discarded glass and claw, at last, into the mortals realms as Razorhands with feathery glass hair and fingers with too many joints.

Wizened of many stripes are common to the Glass Mountain; alchemic Brewers charged with making dyes or brewing drinks to sustain the multitudes of workers, Artists with glass dust ground into skin that won’t stop bleeding, Drudges with cloths of woven metal that polish and clean and scrape the Mountain to a spotless shine, skittish Authors with stained glass manacles that pierce through their wrists or necks, made to write the poems exalting the Giant or flattering His allies. Some remember having authority, or something like it, in the Glass Mountain; the Wizened serve as project leaders for the beautiful things the Giant covets, and wield glass-tipped whips against His captive hobgoblins and mortals to ensure that high standards can be pushed ever-higher. Those who grow addicted to this power almost never escape.

Those the Heartless Giant keeps as His personal pets tend to become His Fairest and the few Beasts that emerge from the Glass Mountain, turned into decorations and bodyguards all at once. The Fairest come home with hazy memories of twin swords made all of glass with a rising light pinned within the blades, and some manage to make it home with the actual weapons themselves, while the Beasts usually remember little other than cages of glass and gold, and scraps of flesh burnt to cinders. Treasured and Polychromatics are the most common Fairest to rise within the cursed light of the Glass Mountain, but some individuals instead emerge as Dancers, Flamesirens, or Romancers. Those Beasts who survive are almost invariably Truefriends, though rumors of glittering birds with feathers made of precious gems - Windwings - sometimes reach the ears of the Giant’s escaped slaves.

Ogres are shockingly rare in the Glass Mountain, and mostly made on purpose; they haul great loads of molten glass or precious metals, or beat new tunnels into the groaning earth with their bare fists despite the cracking and shattering of their living arms. Even then, many who could become Ogres instead end up as one of the Giant’s many Elemental slaves, given that their master practices transformation rather than medicine. Those who survive and escape have a bitter force of will and an ironclad sense of self-identity that carries them far in the mortal realms. Gristlegrinders with maws of glass teeth and a habit of taking bites out of stone or metal, Stonebones who became harder than their labors, Gargantuans changed from stealing the meat and drink of the Giant himself, and riddling Trolls set as traps inside of the Heartless Giant’s bottomless vaults all come roaring free of the Glass Mountain to rest, flesh steaming from heat, in the mortal lands again. Many have all-glass prosthetics of surprising flexibility.

Fireheart Elementals rival all of the Wizened for population of the Glass Mountain; the Heartless Giant’s guards, torturers, and soldiers have their flesh melted off and replaced by glass that encases their living organs, and when they fail Him something else is extracted and replaced with glass (these, too, dream of the blades the Giant gives them, and some few emerge with broken fingers still clutched around the hilts of razor-thin spathas made of stained glass which follow them into their dreams at night). Others are (re)born when a terrible accident happens in the forges and foundries and they become encased in molten glass, gold, silver, or even boiling water - they go leaping free, spared by some strange Arcadian whim, and smash their way out of the Mountain with stunning violence. Desperate slaves, more cunning than some of their peers, strike up a rapport with the elements of the Glass Mountain as they master the first inklings of Pledge and Contract, and some few Waterborn, Metalflesh, and Earthbones are forged this way, so out of place against the clear, glowing colors of their peers. Blightbents are thrown from the Mountain on a regular basis to fend for themselves in the endless Night outside. Some break back in to rescue others, and even succeed at times; most stagger back home with blackened lungs, runny eyes, and hands that drip with boiling waste materials and scorching chemicals to try and make the best of the lives the Giant has ruined.

The Motley Crew - Sample Lost

Rainbow John was a middle-class boy with a flair for the dramatic and a keen aesthetic eye. During his freshman year at college he made the mistake of falling for a bad girl who turned out to be a hell of a lot worse than he signed up for; she sold him to the Heartless Giant for another season of freedom in the mortal realms, and John became one of the Glass Mountain’s many Fairest decorations. John flirted with death for his entire Durance, keeping something resembling his sanity through sheer rage, cussedness, and rebellion, even as the Giant had his errant pet tortured, infected with living colors that whispered in his mind during quiet moments, melted the fat from his flesh over fires, and finally locked him away in a private cell - the moment John needed to break his way through the lock, steal his blades, and light out for the mortal realms with memories of home and a bright, kaleidoscopic rage leading the way.

The story of Colors Eriksdotter isn’t unusual for the Glass Mountain. The teenage daughter of a single father, Colors ran away from home after an argument with her father over his new girlfriend and accepted an offer to go somewhere warm and bright. Reforged to serve as one of the Heartless Giant’s Fireheart guards, Colors performed admirably in her duties until a moment of clarity shook her enough to break out and flee back to the mortal realms. She’s still struggling with violence-first solutions to her problems.

Jazz O’Brien fucked up. She fucked up so bad. Desperate to go home, she took a pact with the Giant - if she could survive the Darkness in his body, she could go home in His name and remain there as His servant. The Darkness turned her into a Mirrorskin Darkling, and the Giant’s twisted games have made her a slave in her own home. At first, Jazz was almost happy to kidnap her former bullies and rivals, but now those bullies and rivals are Fetches, and they serve as Jazz’s jailers. This wasn’t an exit, and now she doesn’t have a way back out.

Max of No House has a thing for windows. An Artist by nature and by profession, their memories of their Durance are blessedly(?) absent. Instead, they’ve taken like a moth to flame to a campaign of secretive graffiti, window art, and stealthily placed sculpture, reveling in the contrast of fame and anonymity it offers. The only trouble is their Court expects tithes, and the last time anyone asked Max to take a paying job that person got stabbed with a glass shard.