#like. they didn’t even do a bad job of portraying the Incident. so why then did they decide to remove all nuance.

[demynom]

The thing about the ffvii remakes is that you will enjoy them more if you’ve played the original. You will also hate them more if you’ve played the original. It is impressive.

[bobbyseyesmile]

Attitude | Part 2

Summary: You learned your lesson to never run your mouth again. Or so Shane thought.

A/N: This is literally pure filth ok? And I love it. Also anal sex isn't as easy as it's portrayed in smut, pls don't forget that. This is purely fictional. Never ever have anal sex without proper preparation. also the lovely @angel-litter inspired me to write a third part so yeah, there’s more Shane coming ya way!

Characters: Dark!ShaneWalsh x Reader

Word count: 4k (sorry not sorry)

WARNINGS: age gap (reader is 18+) / explicit sexual content as in anal, oral (F receiving), swearing Trigger warning: dub-con | 18+ 🔞 MINORS DNI below the cut! 🔞

➻ Part 1 [M]

Weeks had passed and Shane couldn’t have been happier: Rick finally agreed to clean the barn from the walkers, everyone learned how to handle their guns properly and some of them, like Andrea, were actually pretty good shooters. It was good to have trained people around in case of an emergency.

And, of course, there where you; currently the most well-behaved angel there could have been. After the lesson Shane taught you a few weeks ago you barely looked in his direction, did everything when someone asked you to do it and remained quiet. Not one snarly remark or side-glance. So yeah, life’s been pretty good lately, or as good as it could be in this shitshow of world they lived in.

“Y/N?” your mother called and you turned around to see her standing at the porch of the white farmhouse. She just found out that she was pregnant and now her and your dad slept inside the house instead of the tent. You stayed back, happy to have some privacy for yourself as your mother got on your nerves more than ever. You were sure it was Shane’s child, everyone probably knew, even Rick.

Lori waved her hand to get your attention and you yelled a quick “Be right there” before she disappeared inside the house again. When she was out of your sight you let out an annoyed groan and rolled your eyes but as soon as you turned your head you saw Shane leaning against the RV, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest and he cocked an eyebrow when he noticed your disrespectful behavior. You gulped and quickly finished your chore before sprinting towards the house.

You did a good job avoiding him, too afraid he would keep his promise of teaching you another lesson. Even though you never experienced Shane like that before and the whole incidence was disturbing, to say the least, there was something that had changed; the way you looked at him from now on. Was he always that well-built? Did the veins on his arms and hands always pop out as soon as they were physically strained? And whenever he spoke, didn’t matter the words, you felt a slight tingle in your stomach area.

Disgusted with yourself you shook your head to organize your thoughts before facing your mom in the kitchen. “Yes, mom?” you asked and she turned around. “Baby, could you please gather everyone for dinner? Your father and Glenn are still on their supply run but I figured you could go with Shane to look for them, it’s getting dark.”

You stepped from one foot to another and rubbed the back of your head. “Why can’t Daryl go?” Lori noticed the reluctance in your voice but she just figured you were in a bad mood, typical for a young person.

“Because-“ she continued to chop the vegetables “Daryl’s still recovering from his wound and shouldn’t strain himself for another few days.”

Oh yeah, you forgot… He fell from a horse and put an arrow through his shoulder. A snort escaped you as you remembered when he told you what happened, you felt bad for him, you really did, it was still kinda funny to imagining the Daryl Dixon falling off a horse.

“Okay but I don’t think Shane’s going to like the idea of another two people going out after dark…” you tried once again and saw as she stopped in her motion. “It’s your father, Y/N.”

She couldn’t see it so you rolled your eyes once again. Sure, the man you cheated on and got pregnant by his best friend. Mother and wife of the year…

“Fine-“ you sighed “I’ll ask Shane.”

The mere thought of being alone with him again made your stomach turn. He acted like nothing ever happened except giving you here and there a warning glance before returning to his old self. Asshole…

“Shane?” you said when you walked towards the open RV and heard a grunt from within. You stopped in front of the open door not wanting to be alone with him in such small space once again. “You in there?”

“Yeah.” Seconds later he appeared in front of you, his blue shirt unbuttoned and you quickly licked your lips when you stared at his exposed abs. “What is it?” he asked impatiently when he noticed your stare. Your eyes fluttered shut before looking up to meet his. “Uhm… Lori wants us to go look for dad and Glenn.”

“Thought I told ya not to call her Lori, didn’t I? She’s your mother.” You withheld the urge to roll your eyes at him and gulped to suppress the anger pooling in your stomach. You’re not my fucking father and I also fucking hate you, you thought to yourself but none of those words went over your lips. You just nodded and asked a small “So?” instead.

“Yeah, lets go.” He sighed before grabbing his gun and walking towards the car. ”Got ya gun?” you replied with a bored “Hmmm” but flinched when Shane suddenly stopped to face you.

“Use your damn words, girl. What are ya, five?” he grunted and grabbed the gun from behind your pants. “And I fricking told ya to put it in the holster, not your goddamn pants, you know what could happen if it goes off?”

“As if you cared…” you mumbled but bit your lips when you saw his annoyed expression. “Shut it, I don’t have time for your hormonal whining, this is grown up business. If ya can’t handle it then go back inside and chop some veggies with the others and I’ll go alone.”

Shane studied your face and saw the tears forming in your eyes but he simply couldn’t care, this was life and death and not prom and Friday-pizza-nights or whatever shit ran through your mind. He need to keep you safe and alive; he didn’t matter if you hated him for it. “I got it.” You answered through clenched teeth and he stared another five second at your before finally giving the gun back and getting into the car. You took a deep breath and tried to remain as calm as possible but the truth was, your blood was boiling.

You drove only for about ten minutes before you ran into your father and Glenn as they were on their way home. Rick gave Shane a small nod and Shane turned the car to drive back to the farm. You let out a small sigh and were glad when Shane didn’t notice it but your eyes kept staring at his fingers around the steering wheel; the same fingers which painfully grabbed your hair and kept your head in place as he fucked your face.

Shane noticed your glance and turned his head to meet your eyes; you didn’t look away but continued to stare at him like a doe that got caught in spotlight. He couldn’t make sense of your behavior towards him; some days you seemed almost scared and avoided him completely (just as he thought you would react after what he did) and other days you practically couldn’t get enough of him, always staring or biting your lip whenever he caught you. Only thing missing was the drool coming from your mouth.

“Want a picture? It last’s longer, princess.” He snorted and as soon as you saw the smirk around his lips you quickly looked away. “Shut up-“ you mumbled embarrassed and tried to hide your reddened cheek from his sight.

“Aw come on, ‘was just joking, don’t be like that.” He laughed and tried to poke your side. “Stop!” you squeaked and swatted his hand away which made him chuckle even more.

“You’re actually pretty cute when you’re not a bitch, ya know.” Your head snapped towards him and he grinned when he saw your angered expression. “You have no idea what I’m like when I decide to be a bitch.” You spat and made him snort in return.

“Actually, I caught a glimpse of her a few weeks back but strangely she’d never appeared again. Hm, don’t know why.” You felt the heat in your face and ears as he nonchalantly hinted on the incident in the RV and held back from striking the back of his head, he probably would have killed you right then and there. Shane notice the way you clenched your fist in a pathetic attempt to hide your anger.

“I think you should stop or else I’m going to tell my dad.” You said calmly before quickly exiting the car as soon as he stopped at the farm. Shane watched as you slammed the door shut and took fast and long strides towards the house, probably too afraid of his reaction. Coward, he thought and got out of the car as well.

“What happened?” Rick asked and turned to look after his daughter who seemed aggravated.

“Ah, you know. Probably that time of the month.” Shane answered calmly and his best friend nodded in return. “I heard that women adjust their cycles if they live together long enough.” Glenn mumbled and earned himself some looks from the older men. “What?”

“Ya know, boy-“ Shane spoke and put an arm around the younger one “You’re so lucky that you’re one of the last fellows around and Maggie likes you.” Glenn raised his eyebrows and Rick laughed in return as the walked towards the house to finally eat dinner.

Everyone sat around the huge table and chattered to their hearts content except you who only picked in the food on your plate. Shane sat across from you and gave your knee a soft kick under the table. You looked up and he mouthed a silent “Stop that” signaling you to behave and to eat your food like a normal person.

“Bite me.” You whispered back but it was loud enough for your mother to hear. “Y/N! I don’t want you to talk to anyone like that. Apologize.”

“I’m not a kid anymore, mom. I apologize if I want to.” You answered and an uneasy silence spread in the room. “Y/N…” Rick spoke softly and your expression turned soft. “But dad, it’s true. I’m so sick and tired of her treating me like a child!”

“Yes, I know, honey but-“ your fathers soft spoken words were cut off by Shane’s harsh ones: “Then maybe act like your age instead of a bratty and whiny little kid.”

You turned around and gave him an infuriated look. “Excuse me but this is family business and you are not family, okay? Just because you fucked and impregnated my mother doesn’t make you family so back off!” The last words came out louder than you intended to but it felt so good to finally acknowledge the elephant in the room. You saw the hurt in your fathers eyes but it was time for him to learn that literally everybody knew. “Don’t gimme that look, dad. Everyone knows. We all knew way before you came back to us… I caught them in the woods a few times.”

“That’s enough, Y/N!” Lori suddenly yelled and you cocked an eyebrow. “That’s something we can agree on, mom.” You spat back before slamming the fork on the table and walking out the door, towards your tent.

You set up your camp inside the barn, it would be your retreat for the night, also it had a good outlook in case of some unwelcome guests. You were a pretty good sniper and were sure you could handle some walkers wandering around in the open field if they decided to come to close to the farm. Neither one of your parents tried talking to you after what happened at the dinner table and you were glad to be alone; all the rage still inside your guts.

You nestled inside the hay and closed your eyes after checking your surroundings one last time soon afterwards falling into a deep slumbers. Your precious sleep was disturbed as soon as you heard rustling noises outside the barn and the hand that grabbed the gun was immediately in position to put a bullet between two walker eyes if necessary. “Daryl?” you whispered because you remembered that he sometimes wandered around to check the areal but there was no answer. “Hello?” you asked once again and looked outside but everything was quiet. Maybe it was just the wind or some animal you thought and as soon as you turned around a giant hand grabbed you from behind, firmly pressed against your mouth to silence the scream inside your throat. You frantically tried to free yourself and remembered the gun in your hand but it was quickly taken from you.

“Sh-“ you suddenly heard and relaxed a little bit as you recognized Shane’s voice. The relaxation wasn’t long-lasting when you stared into dark pupils, his lips slightly agape and his right hand still grabbed the back of your head as his other hand kept your mouth shut. Shane saw the shift in your eyes; first there was the relief to recognize a familiar face but when your brain finally processed it, he could see the sheer fear in your eyes and honestly? He lived for it.

 “Just came to talk-“ he mumbled softly. Too softly. You gulped and blinked a few times, trying to come up with a plan; a way out of here but Shane knew exactly what you were thinking about and smirked. “Oh, princess, don’t be afraid-“ he spoke with false concern, his voice still as soft and smooth as butter but the grip of his fingers told you otherwise. Shane slightly moved his hand over you mouth when you started mumbling. “Hm, what was that?”

“I-I’m going to scream, Shane, if you’re-“ your words were cut off by his huge hand, once again firmly pressed over your mouth. There was a glimmer in his eyes and it made your stomach turn as he bend down, his lips softly hovering over your ear as he said:

“Oh, I know you will.”

Shane turned you around so your back was against his stone hard chest; while the hand over your mouth never left its spot his other arm wrapped around your frame like a boa constrictor pulling you harshly against him. A small whimper escaped your throat and Shane stopped in his tracks. “Was that a fucking moan I heard?” You reluctantly shook your head but he knew better, your body reacting almost on its own as it melted against his own. “Look at you, pressing your little ass against my dick, you fucking want this, huh? Where you a little bitch because you wanted me to fuck you?”

This time you didn’t shook your head nor nodded; truth was, you were confused on what you wanted. Your feelings for Shane were mostly pure hate but his body was to die for.

“Fucking answer me-“ he growled next to your ear and you immediately shook your head; no, you didn’t do it on purpose, he was the one that went too far meddling in your family business. You just told him, simply as that. “Bet you thought I wouldn’t repeat what I did to you before, bet you thought you were safe…” you felt his lips against your neck and closed your eyes. “But I also bet you liked sucking my dick. Tell me, how many nights were you lying awake playing with yourself wishing it was me?”

You remained quiet as you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction that he was absolutely right. Shane removed the hand over your mouth but grabbed your hips instead. You slightly turned your head to look towards the big barn door, trying to calculate if you could be fast enough to run but he just chuckled. “Come on, try running. I’m just going to fuck you in the grass so everyone in their tents can hear you.”

That was something you definitely didn’t want, inside the barn there was at least some privacy. Your thoughts were interrupted as you felt Shane’s hand reaching inside your jeans, slipping inside your panties and your breath hitched. Maybe this wasn’t so bad, you were hot for him after all and something told you that Shane wanted you as well, not only to teach you a lesson but because he had it as bad for you as you had it for him.

Shane felt your body relax as his fingers dipped into your already wet folds, giving your clit a lazy swirl making you moan in the process. “Shit, you’re such a little whore for me.” Your head nodded on its own as you rocked your hips against his fingers, relishing in the fact that Shane actually touched you.

Your breath was suddenly squeezed from your lungs as he harshly pushed you onto a nearby table, bending you over. “Shane-“ you gasped and heard him hum in return. Shane quickly pulled your jeans and panties down and stared at your small ass; it was pure perfection to his eyes. Art. Your eyes fluttered shut as you felt the rough skin of his fingertips on your sensitive skin, softly caressing and kneading the flesh in is hands. “So perfect.” He leaned over you and gave you a small kiss in your cheek making your heart melt in return; it wasn’t only hate you felt for the older man, the butterflies in your stomach made that pretty obvious.

The first slap on your ass took you completely by surprise and you let out a small shriek. There was a short pause before his hand curled around your neck, pushing your face deeper into the surface while he gave one harsh slap after another. You tried to scream but could barely breath, your fingers clawing into the wood beneath you desperately trying to hold onto something for support. Tears formed in your eyes and ran over your heated cheeks as Shane continued to abuse your already sore behind; one slap harder than the other till you were a sobbing mess underneath him.

“Shane, please-“ you managed to breath out but he didn’t care.

“Fucking told you what happens if you run that mouth again, told ya I would come for that sweet ass of yours.” He chuckled and finally stopped the abuse of your behind. He softly caressed the reddened and swollen skin, helping you relax a little bit. Your eyes were shut with tears still escaping as you silently cried. You were sure he would continue any moment but instead Shane kneeled down, spreading your cheeks and buried his face against your dripping cunt.

You gasped once again as you felt his tongue down there, turning you into a writhing mess. Shane licked, sucked and tongue-fucked your sex as he continued to merciless eat you out. “Fuck, Shane…” you moaned and felt him hum, the vibration sending shivers down your spine. It was almost too much; your ass that hurt like hell, his stubbly chin against your sex but his tongue that felt like heaven giving you a bittersweet experience you never felt before.

Shane could tell you were close as your hips began to quiver and your moans became more intense. His lips found your clit and gave it a strong suck as you came all over his face. He continued to eat you out even when you tried to get away from him but his fingers dug into your hips holding you into place.

You let out a relieved sigh when he finally let go. You couldn’t see it but Shane’s face was covered in your juices, making him lick his lips. “You taste so good, princess, almost came into my pants.” You tried to get up but Shane pushed you down, his hand resting on your back. “Oh, baby… we’re not done.”

“Shane?” you asked as you heard rustling noises as if he undressed himself all while holding you into place against the wooden table. Was he still going to fuck you? Was this really the night you’d lose your virginity?

You felt as he pulled his rock-hard member out of its fabric prison before poking it against your entrance but he didn’t enter yet, not before sliding it a few times through your throbbing pussy to gather enough slick. “Shane-“ you whined once again and heard him grunt in return. “Please-“

Just as your body started to relax his cock was suddenly gone from your throbbing entrance and positioned at your asshole. Your eyes widened in shock as realization hit you; he would fuck your ass.   “Shane, what are you doing?!” You asked panicked and felt the weight of his body on your own. “Teaching you another lesson. But this time you’ll remember for sure…”

You wanted to protest, to push him away as you were definitely not ready to take it there.

“Shane, wait, I never-“ His member slowly pushed into the tight ring of muscle as he covered your moth once again, this time to mask your screams for sure. His fingers found your clit as he drew circles over the still sensitive nub from your previous orgasm. “Fucking shit, so tight-“ he growled and your nails dug into the wood once again, this time you were sure it made you bleed. It took a few soft thrusts before the pain turned tolerable. Shane pulled slightly back before delivering a harsh thrust that knocked the air out of your lungs.

His cock entered you with such a force it literally threw your forward and your feet lost contact with the floor. You tried to grab something but your body just didn’t obey, your brain in a foggy haze as he kept fucking in you from behind.    

“Shit; how can it be so fucking tight?” he groaned and his fingers dug into the soft skin at your hips. It would leave marks; you were sure but couldn’t care less for now. With every harsh thrust his balls slapped against your throbbing clit making you close your eyes in pure bliss. You weren’t even sure how it was possible for him to be this deep inside you; his length made it seem impossible but your body proved you wrong as your hungry hole swallowed him; the grip around his dick so intense Shane felt his own release approaching.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your mouth hung open for a silent cry, drool dripping down your chin and neck and for Shane it was the most beautiful sight; there you were, a drooling, moaning and writhing mess as he fucked your tight virgin hole. Your orgasm washed over you in intense waves; blood rushing in your ears as you came all over his dick. “Fuck!” Shane closed his eyes as well before his grip on your waist increased, threatening to break you in half as he fucked you through both of your highs. He gave one final thrust before he came hot and heavy, painting your insides white.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like this; heavy panting as Shane’s fingers still dug into your skin, his cock turning slowly soft. Shane pulled out and licked his lips as he saw his own cum dripping out of your ass and down your legs. Your legs felt like Jello and if it wasn’t for Shane, you surely would have collapsed. Shane bend down to give you an intense kiss, his teeth colliding with your own as his tongue dominated your mouth. You let it happen while your hands rested against his chest.

As he pulled away you let out a small whine and he smirked. “Hope ya learned your lesson.”

“Well…” you cleared your throat, voice all raspy. “Just because I made you cum doesn’t mean it wasn’t a lesson, ya know.” He spoke firmly but there was a hint of a smirk around his lips.

“Besides… you won’t be sitting for at least a week.”

You’ll only find my work posted here and and on my AO3 blog. I don’t give consent for my work to be re-posted (in any language) onto any other platform, even if it is with credit. Thank you.

[reina-royale]

Not the same anon but Kim has the right to get annoyed at the coupon thing, that scene gave me second hand embarrassment and i think is incredible ooc when Ron in previous seasons had already done things like get a job and being good at it and done things like buy Kim jackets plus there were the Naco royalties.

I feel like at that point, money shouldn’t be an issue specially for Ron, this is a case where the narrative ignored previous episodes to make a situation feasible. i didn’t like it either because Ron was made to look pretty bad as well.

His comedic relief status allows this scene to happen and is juts harmless comedy at the end of the day , but I wasn’t fan of how his character was portrayed in season 4 Ron usually got flanderized just for some cheap humor.

So, honestly, I'd be embarrassed, too.

Though, I can't remember the last time a high schooler, even a senior one, put so much stock into going to nice restaurants and not having to use the coupon and/or kid's menu to pay for it.

A real high schooler probably wouldn't care too much about how much the dates cost, but they would be embarrassed by the "doofy" and "stupido" thing, so I'll give you that.

Let me try making my complaint clear; Kim could fix the problems with their dating sitch herself, she just won't.

If Kim is embarrassed, she could offer to pay. She got a job way easier than Ron did.

Not to mention that, according to the narrative, Ron lost all his Naco money, and isn't shown ever getting more, so it's not like she thought he was rich again.

But Kim doesn't offer to pay, and also complains about how their date nights have gotten stale.

Again, I can't remember real high schoolers putting so much stock into doing something new and exciting for dates.

When Ron takes her to a nice dinner at the Actuary of Year Awards, where Ron's dad is receiving an award, she mopes the whole time.

She doesn't even pretend to be happy for Mr. Stoppable, she just mopes.

Can you imagine being happy if your significant other, one you've known most of your life, moped and pouted at a ceremony where your dad was receiving an award?

I don't think either of them is too OOC in "The Big Job" - Ron doesn't really like doing a lot of work for things he's not interested in, and Kim has a bad habit of caring too much about the price tag.

And that's honestly the worst part; they are acting in character.

But that doesn't make it right. Or fair.

Why does Ron get criticized for a having to use coupons to fund their dates to places most high schoolers couldn't afford to go to anyways?

Why is it bad that Ron doesn't pay for their dates without coupons, but not bad that Kim doesn't pay for their dates at all?

Sure, the whole "you're twelve" thing was embarrassing, but Kim's complaint wasn't about that one incident, it's about him using coupons at all.

If Kim thinks their date nights have hit a rut, she should probably offer ideas for dates, instead of just complaining about it and moping when Ron actually does take her to a new, fancy event for a date.

Okay, I get that the Actuary of the Year Awards probably wasn't very exciting, but it was Ron's dad receiving an award, she could have at least been happy for him.

But she pouts instead.

Basically, it feels like Ron is putting all the effort into pleasing Kim, and Kim keeps complaining about it. She offers no actual solutions, or gratitude for how hard Ron's trying, but complains about it all the same.

And she's not putting in that same amount of effort to please Ron.

Why don't they ever do something Ron would like for a date? Like go see "The Finger Guy" or a wrestling event?

I mean, they probably go to Bueno Nacho all the time, but it's not as though Kim doesn't like the place - she's willingly gone there without Ron before.

So, why is Kim the only one who gets special dates?

They're supposed to be partners, but their dates only reflect Kim's desires and interests; none of Ron's desires or interests are shown for their dates.

Ron seems to be the only one putting in effort to please their partner.

And that's not how healthy relationships work.

[yandere--stuck]

Bad Blood - Yandere!Batman x Reader x Yandere!Joker

It wasn't just The Joker who had been watching you. And to a point, you were aware of that.

After all, that just came with the territory of being a minor celebrity within Gotham city. It wasn't often that those considered "famous" in Gotham didn't either have connections to the mafia or were locked up within Arkham or Blackgate. 

As a reporter, you were watched on the news, on the streets - occasionally approached by fans, at parties where you mingled with your peers or made connections. All rather normal, really.

But, there were times when you could just feel it in your bones. You were being watched.

Like in the dark of night, the moon following you on your walk home. Alone. When the light from street lamps bathed everything in orange. The streets empty, the occasional car zooming by. It was then that you had felt watched.

It was understandable, something innate in humans, to feel frightened of the dark and the paranoia of being alone. Our imaginations run wild, and we trick ourselves into thinking that there's something out there with us. Someone following our every move, hiding just out of sight. But, no matter how many times you swore you were being watched, nothing ever happened. No muggings, no stalkers, no threats. When you got back to your apartment, unlocking and then re-locking all six of the locks on your door, you were able to let out a sigh of relief - it was just your own paranoia getting the best of you. You weren't being followed. You could relax, knowing that it was all in your head.

But, it wasn't.

Your paranoia wasn't unfounded. The shiver of your spine at the feeling of being watched wasn't your mind tricking itself. But, of course, even when you'd turn around to try and spot someone, something, you hadn't been able to see him. He had hid in the shadows and crouched atop rooftops, keeping watch over you.

He had done so every night. The moment you left the studio, to when you started your walk, and then headed home. He even stuck around to peer through your window, making sure you were truly safe. It wasn't something any of the Robins or Oracle knew about - it wasn't something they had to know. Well… It's not like he exactly lied about what he was doing during the alotted time of your walk home. But, he also didnt want to admit it, either - not that he thought what he was doing was wrong, but… He just didn't want anyone to be worried. To get the wrong idea. And it rarely took time out of his nightly patrol, just fifteen minutes. It wasn't a big deal.

He was just protecting you. That was just his job. He was supposed to protect the people of Gotham. To protect you. He just had a… Fixation, that's all. And when Bruce gets fixated on something, it's like pulling teeth for him to keep away.

Bruce met you like he does with most reporters - at a charity event. He had seen your stories on the news a few times beforehand, and braced himself for the usual song and dance - Vicki Vale trying to score something on the record for something much juicier and personal than the cause he was donating to, or perhaps Jack Ryder trying to rile him up to get him to throw a fit for a story. He was pleasantly surprised, however, when you treated him like an actual person. Sure, it could be that you were off the clock - but really, when were reporters ever really off the clock?

Most people would bend over backwards to get themselves into Brice Wayne's good graces. But, you… You talked to him like he was no different than anyone else. Maybe a bit reserved, but you had only just met, after all. In spite of this, Bruce found himself able to relax, chatting with you about the party, about your days up to then, your different careers. Bruce felt like he could actually be himself. With you, he wasn't Batman, nor was he billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. He was just… Himself.

Him and you.

He decides to stick by your side most of the evening, you and him talking long into the night. About your lives, your worries, your hobbies, your interests. It had been so long since he talked about such personal things with someone, even Alfred. And you understand. You understand his worries of responsibility, the weight of the world among his shoulders, you understand the suffocation of isolation, you under his inability to move on from the trauma of his past, try as he might. You understand. Of course you do…

You acted as someone to vent to. A listening ear. You offered up advice, even if you might not have the right answers to his problem. Sure, you might not know the full extent of his stress, but it's the thought that counts. It's almost like this night was made for you and him. 

Something like, fate - that is, if Bruce had actually believed in something like that.

After that night, he found himself making a point to watch you on the news. The way you talked on the television is how you talked with him that night. Personable, comfortable, familiar. You might not be talking to him directly, but it warms his heart and staves off the icy chill of loneliness.

He went out of his way to find you during other important, publicized events. Most likely, you probably thought it was a coincidence that you kept finding yourself in his company. You most likely thought him as just an acquaintance, nothing more… But, oh, you meant so much to him.

And, oh, when you talked about Batman? Knowing that it was him you were talking about (even if you had no idea)... He'd be lying if it didn't make him a bit flustered. Your praises, the way you saw him as an inspiration, hoping after every mission that he was alright… And when you look into the camera and say to him, to Batman, through the screen, that you wish him a nice night and to be safe…?

God. He was smitten. And, really, that was his biggest mistake.

Feelings just made things complicated. He had learned that a long time ago. That everything he touched and loved was inevitably destroyed. It's why he works alone more often than not. He doesn't want someone getting hurt because of him ever again. Bruce has enemies, and Batman has even more. 

Even if he had tried to reach out to you as Bruce, as himself, who's to say you would have wanted to be with him? Why would someone like you want Bruce Wayne - someone who most of Gotham portrayed as an immature playboy who never got over the death of his parents. While the second part wasn't exactly wrong, the whole playboy thing was just a diversion. But, how in the hell was he supposed to explain that?

It was easier to just let you go. You'd be happier, and more importantly, safer without his presence in your life.

So, he satiated himself on watching you, protecting you from the shadows, and kept himself sane by rewatching footage of you he's stashed within your home and around your apartment building. If he adored you from afar, that wouldn't hurt anything, right?

… But now, he's wishing he had just taken the chance. He had been good, had left you alone.

And he watched as the helicopter you were in was shot down. Watched as the recording cut off. Heard as you screamed at the top of your lungs. He replayed what he had seen over and over in his mind, losing himself. Bruce had gone so tense in disbelief and grief and rage that by the time Alfred had brought him back to reality, his nails had dug into the armrest of his loveseat.

He had insisted to himself later that night that  investigating the scene of the crime wasn't fueled by personal connection or any feelings he may have. It was Batman's job. And if he ignores all the other bodies in favor of one that is presumed to be yours, it's just because he notices something different about it from the other's, that's all.

The body was decomposed far beyond that of the others, and had been exposed to the elements longer than the others. And to add onto that, the DNA sample Bruce had collected was matched with a body that had been gone missing from Gotham General.

Bruce's heart fluttered with hope and relief. You were alive, you had to be. But, just as quickly, realization crashed into him. If you were alive, it's only because Joker wanted you to be.

... What was he doing to you?

---

You stared down at the meal the Clown Prince of Crime had prepared for you - well, if you could call heating up a frozen dinner "preparing". It's not like you were exactly in a place to complain, though, considering the predicament you were stuck in.

Counting the time you had spent unconscious and Joker getting you situated and up to speed, it was most likely a few hours since the incident. You were feeling rather hungry… But, in spite of all of The Joker's lovey-dovey talk, you weren't quite sure if you could trust him to not serve you poisoned food. Even worse, however, was that you were still tied up - meaning the clown had to feed you, and you were even more unsure that he wouldn't kill you if you refused to eat.

In spite of the circumstances, and the dingy place you were trapped in, it wasn't exactly the worst. Hell, Joker had even lit up some candles for some mood lighting. Not exactly the worst "date", you had been on, sadly enough.

"Ready for some grub?" The Joker lurched into view, straightening his tie as he shot you a grin. "You must have worked up quite an appetite by now, considering all the excitement!"

You smiled in return, hoping it didn't look too strained as you nodded. You watched as he got his utensils ready, cutting up some of the food into smaller bites. You kept especially close attention on the hand holding a knife - though, it wasn't like you had any way to flee if he had decided to turn it on you.

The Joker stabbed at the food with a fork, setting down the knife, as he moved to raise your meal to your lips, while you attempted not to turn your head away. The fork approached closer and closer, and you tried to rid your mind of awful thoughts, like an eye being ripped out of its socket, implanted on the fork's tongues. But, then, The Joker suddenly stopped.

"Oh, silly me! I almost forgot," The Clown Prince set down the utensils, digging into the inside of his suit. With a flourish, he unveiled a bright, colorful, and clearly plastic flower, holding it out to you. "A present for you, m'dear! Go on, take a whiff."

You shook in your seat. Oh, God. You knew exactly where this was going. He had played you this whole time, like predators played with their food. He had made you think he had developed this obsession with you and managed to lull you into a false sense of security. And just when you were sure you were going to make it out of this situation alive, he planned to hit you with his trademark laughing gas and watch as you died.

You held back tears, shivering with fear and despair. And The Joker looked so happy, so encouraging. You were going to die. You had hit the end of the road.

You leaned forward, taking a breath through your nose-

And jumped, letting out a scream as the ceiling caved in, a dark figure crashing through. You whipped your head to face it- and winced as a small stream of water hit your cheek. Blinking once, twice, three times, you slowly turned to the clown and the trick flower in his hand.

Oh. So, it was just a regular trick flower. Not a deadly one. Okay. Okay, yeah. Sure. Great.

Groaning softly, your whole body went limp. You hung your head, shaking it slowly. Whatever. Whatever happened next, you didn't care. You were too exhausted.

"Aw, c'mon, Bats! Don'tcha know it's rude to upstage someone's act?" Joker asked. "Besides, you weren't invited to our little date night..."

...Batman?

From your periphery, you could see it. See him. 

Oh, thank God. Thank fucking God. You were saved! Batman was going to save you!

All the tiredness seemed to instantly fade as you were overwhelmed with adrenaline and relief. You were saved. You were saved. Batman was going to save you. Batman was going to protect you and make sure you were all right. You didn't have to worry or be scared anymore. Batman would do all of the worrying for you.

"You broke out of Arkham, killed innocent people, and kidnapped the sole survivor after almost killing them, as well," Batman seethed, his voice a growl. "You're going back to Arkham, and I'll be taking them with me, where they'll be safe."

"Hey! First off, the whole helicopter thing wasn't me, it was one of my boys. Well… To be fair, I had intended on killing them when we downed the thing, but eh, two birds with one stone, I suppose. I wouldn't even have been mad about it, if my darling reporter here hadn't almost been hurt in the crash," The Joker moved behind you, making you seize up as he grasped your shoulders, massaging them slightly. "And really, Bats, if this is some kind of jealousy thing, you could always just ask to share."

"You're insane." Batman spat.

"Babes, you really need to get some better material," The Clown tutted. "And I was being honest! I'm actually trying to communicate here," You were suddenly spun around, locking eyes with your hero. You shuddered as the Joker nuzzled you from behind, unable to stop your face from heating up. "What do you think, darling? How's about a three-way date with me and the big bad Bat?"

"I… I-I-" You stuttered, unable to get a coherent thought put as you burned with embarrassment.

Could anyone blame you for having a little  crush on Batman? You'd bet a good majority of Gothamites felt the same toward their dear Dark Knight. Hell, you'd even bet that some of the Rogues that the Caped Crusader went up against had feelings for him. It was pretty obvious the Joker did, at least.

And the Joker… He was a monster. A criminal. But, the time you've spent with him… Well, you could better understand how Dr. Quinnzel fell for the man. Despite your knowledge of the horrible crimes he committed, the way he treated you so kindly, it was hard to not get flustered, to not feel special. It was hard to ignore his humor, his affection for you, his pet names, his sweet gestures- no, no. This- this was ridiculous. You had to stop. You weren't thinking straight.

"Get your hands off of them!" The Bat spat.

"But I don't wanna!" Joker let out an exaggerated whine, before descending into giggles. Painted lips brushed against your neck. "Besides, I don't think they want me to…"

You felt hypersensitive, the brush of the Clown's lips drawing a whine from your throat.

Your eyes shot open wide as a pained scream ripped from Joker. You turned as best you could, watching the man stumble back, clutching his hand - a batarang sticking piercing through it, blood bubbling up from the wound and dripping to the floor.

The Joker hissed, bristling with rage. "Bats, why you-!"

In an instant, Batman shot put his batclaw, the claw digging into The Joker's suit, before retracting. The Joker stumbled as he rocketed forward, his face immediately colliding with Batman's fist. Before he could fall back, the Dark Knight caught him by the throat and squeezed. The Clown wheeled and coughed in shock at the closing of his windpipe and his desperation to breathe. The Bat slowly lifted another fist - and hit the other man so hard that even you winced. You watched as Joker fell onto his back with a low groan. The Batman stood above him, glowering and breathing heavily as he looked down on his nemesis.

"Batsy, babe… Ya know I love it when you play rough, but Jesus, warn a guy first, will ya?" The Joker laughed wearily, seemingly in a daze. 

Sneering, Batman grabbed his nemesis by his coat, tossing him aside onto his stomach. His foot came down to stomp onto his arm, making the other man whimper, and the Bat reached down to rip the batarang free from his hand, and in turn, ripping a scream from Joker's throat. Pulling out a pair of batcuffs, the Caped Crusader roughly restrained the man's arms, before lifting him to his feet.

"Careful with the merchandise…" The Joker grumbled.

With a second pair of cuffs, the Bat attached one of the cuffs to the Joker's ankle, the Clown laughing as he attempted to kick at the Bat to heed his progress, and then the other to a metal support pillar protruding from the floor.

And then, in the next instant, Batman was at your side, diligently working to free you from the shackles that bound you. As the restraints loosened, you took in a deep breath before letting out a shuddering sigh. You tried to stand, only for your legs to give out from under you - you had spent so long in that position that your legs had fallen asleep - but it was okay. Batman caught you. He caught you and he held you and pulled you into a hug. A gloved hand petted your hair soothingly.

"It's okay. You're safe, you're okay," The Bat rumbled. "I've got you."

This. This was what you loved most about The Batman. As much as he was revered for the fear he struck into the heart of evil, how he acted as a phantom in the night, fighting back against the criminals that roamed Gotham in the night… What you loved most was what came after. Your interviews with survivors of criminal attacks are what made you grow a fondness for the Dark Knight. How comforting they said he was. How he reassured them, made them feel safe. When he was there, they knew everything was okay. They knew they were safe. That everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

And you melted into his hold.

He continued to murmur reassurances as he began to massage your legs until the static feeling went away and you found the strength to stand - and even then, he let you lean against him as you walked out into the night together.

"You'll pay for this, Bats," The Joker spat, expression dark… Until he locked eyes with you, and his visage softened. "How about same time next week, love?"

Before you could think of responding, Batman pulled out of the building and far, far away from the madman within.

---

Bruce had to fight to keep his driving steady. His body was flooded with adrenaline and his heart rabitted a mile a minute. His entire being felt electric.

He had touched you, held you. And you held him back, reassured and calmed by him. It was everything he had dreamed of. You had leaned against for support and let him help you climb into the batmobile.

He had managed to track The Joker down to one of his usual hideouts that he and Harley stayed at - an old, abandoned amusement park that had been sold to him. Well, would have been sold to him, if he hadn't killed the owner of the property before they could seal the deal.

He kept sneaking glances at you from the corner of his eye. You, resting your head against the window, eyes shut as you tried to get some rest after everything you had been through. You could rest for as long as you liked. He was here now. Bruce would keep you safe.

Bruce took his usual shortcut into the batcave, driving into a cave opening just outside the manor, and you lifted your head, startled by the sudden turn and shift in light behind your eyes.

"Batman, where are we?"

Home.

You gasped as restraints wrapped over your ligaments, tying you down to the seat.

Bruce knew this was wrong. But, after such a long career as the Batman, he had learned that he often had to do the wrong thing in order to get the right outcome. He really wished there was any other way… But, you had a target on your head now. You'd be safe with him. He'd keep you deep within the batcave and visit you often. 

You sputtered, eyes wide with shock and disbelief and… Betrayal. Bruce hated the thought of you looking at him like that. He leaned over, softly pressing a kiss to your forehead. He felt you shiver under his touch.

He'd get you settled and comfortable. He'd reveal his true self to you at some point, but that was for later. You had been through enough for one night.

"You're safe now." Bruce lied promised. "I've got you."

[hamliet]

Hi! What do you think of how Yang's PTSD has been handled in the story? I read some people think it was solved too easily and I wanted your opinion about it!

Well, as someone with diagnosed PTSD... I personally love it. I think it’s a very solid portrayal. 

Of course, it won’t ring home for everyone--no one’s experiences are exactly the same. And it’s not that there are no critiques. But, I think CRWBY has done a pretty good job of portraying it for two reasons:

Yang’s trauma is both a part of her and yet does not encapsulate the whole of who she is; and

Its portrayal of what flashbacks and anxiety look like, on a personal level, made me feel seen. 

A lot of stories, when using the trauma/PTSD angle, have a bad habit of either portraying the inciting incident of trauma as the defining moment in the character’s existence, or acting as if it’s no big deal. 

Ruby: I'm so glad you're okay!

Yang: But I'm not.

For the latter, I've seen so many portrayals that just gloss PTSD over as an inconvenience, or as something that someone magically gets over. This isn’t Yang’s story, and I’ll explain why later.

The reality is that PTSD isn’t always something people get over so much as many learn to live with it. (And, in general, I do not like the current move towards pushing language that implies people aren’t suffering from certain mental illnesses. “A person with PTSD” is often preferred over “a person who suffers from PTSD” and sorry, no, PTSD by its definition is characterized by suffering. Negating that is not woke or pro-inclusion; it’s insulting by making yourself feel comfortable about inclusion while ignoring the thorny part that having PTSD fucking sucks. (I know many may disagree; that's fair. On my blog I get to say what I think, though, and I personally find it offensive.))

How does this connect to Yang? Well, RWBY displays Yang suffering. The everyday reminds her of what she lost in her arm, and of the experience losing it. Trauma healing involves grieving, and grief comes stages. Even when you arrive at "acceptance," you still have a loss.

Yang: everyone keeps talking about me getting back to normal. But this is normal now.

Yang: Do you want me to just pretend it didn’t happen? I lost a part of me. A piece of me is gone, and it's never coming back.

Yang's trauma is literally a part of her, with her arm always being gone. The mechanical one isn’t the same, even if it is functionally awesome. I know people like to harp on this and I’m not saying the portrayal is accurate to an amputee’s, because I can’t speak to that, but as a metaphor within the story itself I personally think it works. The mechanical arm can be a weakness in some situations and even a strength in others, as trauma can be, but it's clear Yang would still prefer her arm back even if that won't happen, and that's just--honest, imo.

I also think it works as a symbol of and a parallel to Yang's relationships with her mother and with Blake. Her mother--well. While Raven may sacrifice herself in the end for Yang (imo, she should), Yang and Raven are never going to have a normal mother/daughter relationship. Raven left her for no good reason, and she's not coming back.

However, Blake does come back. Not just physically (in which they both end up going to the same place and meeting), but emotionally. That won't like, replace her mother's abandonment, but it does at least offer Yang unconditional love and acceptance, and shows her that even if some people won't change, some can. 

Like Ruby says to end Volume 4: 

You told me once that bad things just happen. You were angry when you said it, and I didn't want to listen. But you were right. Bad things do happen, all the time, every day. Which is why I'm out here, to do whatever I can, wherever I can, and hopefully do some good... We've all lost something, and I've seen what loss can do to people. But if we gave up every time we lost, then we'd never be able to move forward.

I appreciate this because Ruby shows empathy towards Yang, while also asking her to keep growing--because they need her, given the terrible circumstances of their world. It contrasts a bit with what Tai said--and here’s where I’ll say I have an issue with the portrayal: I don’t like Tai’s advice to Yang at times in volume 4. I do think he pressures her to grow when she has explicitly said she isn’t ready, and the idea that she should be grateful for the mechanical arm is--yeah, but it’s not empathetic. I also don’t think this is framed awesomely.

About the symptoms of PTSD... PTSD is an anxiety disorder. Flashbacks are not always literally disorienting or hallucinations, although they may be. Most stories portray them almost exclusively as hallucinations; while I understand why hallucinations work best for stories in a lot of ways, it’s not really accurate to my experience, so I appreciated seeing something that was more along the lines of what I live with. For a long time I didn’t realize I was having flashbacks until my therapist explained that it doesn’t mean a hallucination; I find them disorienting but I'm very aware of where I am and that I'm not in the situation during one; it just feels like I am. They are moments when you are triggered to the extent where you absolutely cannot resist the terror you felt during the trauma storming your mind, and it feels emotionally as if you’re reliving it at the moment. This may include a hallucination. It also may not. 

Yang's flashbacks (like when she drops the glass in the kitchen) were clearly her experiencing anxiety, but not full hallucinations. Yang’s nightmares were also very accurate to what PTSD is like in my experience: they’re not always (if ever) exact recountings of what happened (though again, I see why stories often portray them this way). They’re similar situations, where you do relive the trauma, but like any dream they blend facts and ideas across time. 

I don’t think Yang’s PTSD is depicted as being over--it’s more just that Yang has mostly completed her arc and we have other characters to focus on. It’s also likely to come up a bit again whenever Raven reappears. Possibly in Volume 9. I also think this argument misses the complex factor: Yang’s trauma does not begin and end with Adam. She’s been traumatized since she was a kid, since Raven abandoned her, and Adam was a sudden inciting incident that brought a lot of issues to the surface. But it wasn’t the sole cause. Yang’s been struggling to cope with trauma since Season 1 (or even since the “Yellow” trailer). She’s still learning. 

And that is how PTSD recovery goes: you learn better coping mechanisms. Yang has learned better coping mechanisms, and having a partner in Blake is actually very much a realistic portrayal of something that can help alleviate PTSD symptoms. Again, I don’t think Yang has gotten over it, but she’s learned to live with it. Her arm is always gone. Adam is gone. Her mother is not the mother she deserves. But she has Blake, and Ruby, and Weiss, and Qrow, and others. 

And isn’t that what RWBY’s about: continuing on in the face of loss, when things will never be the same, because some things can still be better? 

[fruitcoops]

you mentioned remus doesn’t like getting picked up by anyone but sirius, and it got me thinking. i know he’s not big about physical contact with anyone but his close close friends, but apart from that, i also think he’s insecure about his body? like as much as sirius has his troubles with his mind and his past, he’s comfy in his own body, remus however is confident in where he stands with his sexuality and personality, but he has a weird relationship with his body, because it’s “let him down” with the greyback incident and everything. letting someone pick you up puts you in a quite vulnerable position, so i think you’d really need to earn his trust to be allowed to do that, sirius being the only one who managed to do that. i’m just curious what your view on this is! i adore how you portray remus (how you portray everyone honestly) so i’d love to know what you think about remus and his relationship with his body, and how it affects his need for physical contact?

I love this ask. So much. Headcanon analysis below the cut!

TW for canon injury/ homophobia/ bad parenting

The big difference between them is their views of their own bodies and how they project that on the world.

Sirius' body has not failed him to a huge extent (except his ankle, I'll get to that in a second), but like you said, his mind was not always a safe place for him. People respected him for his athleticism, not his smarts. He's comfortable in his skin because he knows he can rely on it to a) do his job, b) connect with his friends, and c) make outsiders respect him. He looks like a Traditional Hetero Hockey Guy (TM) and relied on that image so that he could avoid suspicion based on stereotypes about gay men from a notoriously homophobic environment. His body was his mask and his shield, and it hid his inner truths so well that few people questioned why he didn't have a romantic partner for so long. Sirius admires Remus' brain because Remus is well-adjusted, sure of his own skill, and does not get flustered in the face of conflict.

From Remus' point of view, his body failed him. He wasn't strong enough to fight Greyback and it took so, so long to heal; he doesn't trust his body for a while because of the fear that it would happen again. Even as a kid the connection was negative: he was the small, scrawny player, "too little to take a hit" and therefore incapable despite his incredible talent. People underestimated him to the point where he underestimated himself. With his career in PT, he was able to help other people feel confident in their bodies, and I think that helped him grow a lot in his own confidence. His brain was the shield for his insecurity about his body, the complete opposite of Sirius. I bet Remus liked watching Sirius play because he admired the comfort he had in his skin, how everything seemed attached and unmarred.

I think Sirius' broken ankle was a turning point for both of them. It was the first major time Sirius could not rely on his body to achieve his goals--he was sidelined, and subconsciously still afraid of his injury. We see how frustrated he is in SW by the amount of time it takes to heal, and how helpless/ separated from himself he feels. Remus finally saw his own injury reflected back at himself (star hockey player injured to the point where they're out for a while and left untethered), so by helping Sirius he was also helping himself overcome the repressed feelings about his shoulder. If he could get Sirius up and better than ever, then maybe Remus could start trusting his own body again.

During that time (and after, tbh), Sirius had to learn to trust his and Remus' brains and focus on his mental state so he could return to hockey. Remus had to face his fears and tell Sirius "you can trust your body after this injury. It will take time, but you will recover". In a way, he was also saying that to himself.

Per the physical touch headcanon, I think it stems a lot from their family growing up. In Sirius' home, physical touch was either an ultimate reward or a punishment. In Remus' home, it was freely given. Sirius is so touch-starved that he soaks it up like a sponge wherever he can get it--again, using the body he trusts (his own) to show love and affection toward the people he cares about. For Remus, it's not that he specifically hates being picked up; it's that he has the knee-jerk reaction to not trust that a person's body is reliable, because his own wasn't for a very long time. (This also plays out in their kinks, but this is not an 18+ post so I won't get into it here)

However, Coops trust each other implicitly. It's visible from the first stages of their relationship, where Sirius was excited to spend time with Remus just because it made him happy as well as seeking that physical connection. And for Remus, trusting Sirius with his body was a huge act of vulnerability even before he told him about Greyback. It's amazing. I love them. Haz did such an incredible job of setting this dynamic up.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

[atopfourthwall]

Ive only recently gotten into classic Star Trek so I don't think I can properly answer but what is it specifically about Discovery and recent Star Trek that classic Trek fans hate?

Putting this behind a cut because... it's a lot.

Well, first of all a big rejection of it is just on an aesthetic level. Up until the 2009 movie (which was considered a reboot, even with time travel elements), Star Trek tried to treat the original series and how it was portrayed as pretty sacrosanct. Sure, they might occasionally make jokes about goofier aspects of it and discard some of the stupider stuff (like how in the final episode, penned by Gene Roddenberry himself, that women weren't allowed to Captain starships), but how TOS looked? That's how the 23rd century looked. Buttons and multi-colored outfits and boxy computers and smooth, undetailed ships WAS what was appropriate for the time. When Scotty came back in TNG, they had him on the holodeck and it was the TOS bridge. When DS9 traveled back in time to that era for an episode? They went onto the Enterprise and visited it. When in an Enterprise 2-parter we had a TOS-era ship? It looked like a TOS ship. They even did a 2-parter on Enterprise to explain why Klingons had smooth foreheads when later (and earlier) they didn't. Star Trek up until then cared about maintaining that continuity of appearance. But Discovery is set in the TOS era... but nothing looks like TOS. Even when we got the Enterprise and those uniforms and we saw inside the ship, it was an upgraded form. The only logic I've seen people try to argue about WHY it doesn't look like it actually did was "Well, audiences won't accept something as cheap as TOS being futuristic." Well, then you've got a few responses there: -Don't set in TOS era, then. -That's horseshit, because audiences from the 90s through the 2000s accepted it just fine. Even a piece of dialogue from DS9 explained it perfectly: "I LOVE 23rd century design." It LOOKS cheap, but it was just the aesthetics of the period. And the Enterprise 2-parter it still looked good in HD. Hell, arguably it looked BETTER in HD because they knew how to light it and create mood and its own unique flavor. -It's even more horseshit because people are STILL going back and watching it even today, as indicated by you saying you've started watching it, so clearly it's not that much of a barrier. But what's even more egregious is the TECHNOLOGY. You might be able to accept updated aesthetics if at least matches what was present during the period... and it doesn't. Holographic displays and communication (holodeck technology AT ALL, frankly - it's possible it was there, but TNG seemed pretty adamant that the holodecks were fairly new, very impressive technology), weapons not looking or acting like they traditionally did, Enterprise and Discovery having R2D2-style repair droids that certainly did not exist in TOS, the wrong sound effects being frequently employed, replicator technology for good-looking food instead of food dispensers that gave out marshmallows and cubes, and honestly the tech level shown in Discovery looks just as advanced - if not MORE advanced than seen on TNG 100 years later. And this is a minor thing, but despite the attempt to make the future LOOK futuristic, from a cultural perspective, the future looks... way too damn similar to now. The excessive swearing (it was said in particular in Star Trek 4 that while they certainly did cuss, it was less common and they sure as hell weren't dropping F-bombs), a party on Discovery that looked like a rave (when previously it seemed like the most popular music and culture of the 23rd/24th century was considered fairly high-brow entertainment [classical music, Shakespeare, great works of literature and plays, etc.] - and while you could certainly argue that that snootiness and love of that stuff is a problem with Star Trek and a sign of how sterile and homogenized it is, THAT is the future they presented and a character in Voyager loving some of the goofier parts of 20th century culture like jukeboxes and old sci-fi serials was considered unusual), and just the general way people talk betrays the idea that the writers aren't thinking about how society changes in the future. It's just the modern day, but with cooler technology. But hey, let's set aside the general aesthetics - some people aren't going to mind that and find

ways to handwave away a lot of stuff (even Discovery season 2 TRIED to handwave away stuff like the holographic communications, but did a piss-poor job of it). This brings us to the problem of the WRITING. And the problem with the writing is a big Michael Burnham-shaped indentation. To be clear, I don't mind Michael as a character or her actress - there are interesting aspects to her, centering a Star Trek show around the science officer is a neat idea (though that means you should probably NAME IT AFTER HER and not around the ship, because it suggests this is a standard ensemble group and not JUST her)... but the actual execution is that it feels like the entire universe bends over backwards for HER. She has a unique relationship with a beloved longtime character that is retconned in. She has unique relationships with several important characters to the point where the fate of billions of people hinges on her and the decisions she makes. She is presented as almost always correct about everything, and those that oppose her are often wrong, naïve, or active enemies. Now, this is less of an issue in the third season - but that has its own unique problems - but in the first season, the resolution of two major storylines (mirror universe and the Klingon war) revolves around her and her relationship to the Terran Emperor and Lorca. In season 2, her mother trying to help or save her is the basis of the ENTIRE friggin' plot with time travel and the like, with special knowledge and history having to do with her and everyone ready to abandon their lives for her so she won't be alone when she has to go to the future when arguably they barely know her (the timeline of the show is debatable). Season 3 has a few different problems with her - the first is that she keeps being involved in things that don't concern her (why is she going down to Trill?) and she keeps violating orders. Now, her violating orders is a problem throughout the entirety of Discovery - in fact, it's kind of the instigating factor OF the series. And arguably, other Star Trek characters are guilty of that and they face no consequences, just as she faces none... and yet it's the brazenness with which it happens, and in those other series it's arguable because the series tries to avoid excessive continuity changes for its episodic nature, so the status quo MUST return to normal... but Discovery is pivoted as one of MAJOR continuity, so her lack of consequences (and indeed eventual PROMOTION) is baffling to the point of frustration. Now again, let me be clear here - she is not a bad character in and of herself. Honestly what it shows is that being the science officer on a starship is not where her talents lie. She should be in a position where she has a lot more freedom to act and not in a major command structure... but being in that command structure, what we see in season 3 is that she lacks the discipline, emotional maturity, responsibility, leadership qualities, and general other traits necessary to be a Captain. Only once during season 3 did she display such a quality - putting the safety of the Federation above a friend and colleague... but other times she will happily disobey orders and put herself and others in harm's way, creating potential new problems. Now, again, Star Trek is rife with characters doing that... but usually not the Captains. And, in fact, when this happened once on DS9 with one officer disobeying orders and putting their own personal feelings above the greater responsibility, it was made VERY clear that the incident would mean that they would never be able to command a starship because of the unofficial reprimand. What's even more frustrating about her is that the character is ALWAYS shoved to the forefront so much to the point where we just get sick of her. SHE is the one giving log entries (usually pretty piss-poor ones, at that - very flowery and nonsensical and kind of dumb) and not the Captain. SHE is the one given so much focus and how the plot of the episode affects her. Barely anyone else gets any focus episodes - I STILL can't

remember the names of some of the secondary characters because they're so rarely said, and a PTSD-related plotline in season 3 for one of the secondary characters basically gets resolved OFF-SCREEN. Michael would be fine if we actually had a chance to miss her... but we never do. Arguably one of the best episodes of the show is in season 2, when it focuses on Saru and his people because Michael DOES take a back seat. It's his story and his development and problems relating to him and his people. And even if, again, we forgave the idea of so much focus on her even in plots that aren't about her... she never seems to really change that much. She'll TALK about how she's changed, but I see no real difference in the way she acts (MAYBE season 1 to 2, where in season 1 she was stiffer and more Vulcan-like, but that's it). But hey, let's assume that's not a problem for you - you really, REALLY like Michael and are fine with so much focus on her. Simply put, the writing of the rest of the show... is just kind of dumb. The ship is powered by magic mushrooms that let it teleport everywhere because the universe has super fungus capillaries throughout it that nobody can see and also it's magic and can resurrect the dead. The time travel plot of season 2 doesn't make any sense when you sit down and diagram it. Well-established Trek lore is just kind of sprinkled in, but now in ways that doesn't match what it was before or at least in ways that completely recolor how it's supposed to work, because it needs to serve THIS plot. Everyone remembering a murdererous monster fondly after she leaves because "Hey, she was coooool." The explanation for the big mystery in season 3 is just fricking stupid and one of the two big reasons why I've finally given up on Discovery, because it's just so absurd, doesn't match how anything works, and just feels like the writers giving the middle finger to the audience because they care more about "YOU MUST FEEEEEEL THINGS!" instead of it making sense. And indeed, there is certainly a balance to be made of plot vs. emotion-driven storytelling - some stories are dumb, but are forgivable because the character writing and emotion are so strong that they override how goofy the plot is... but sometimes a plot is just so dumb it overrides anything I'm SUPPOSED to feel. And it would help if I already liked the show, already gave it some benefit of the doubt... but I don't and it hasn't done enough to impress me. A little thing that's a problem with ALL of current modern Trek shows is that whole sprinkling lore thing - I don't think a single episode goes by in ANY current modern Trek series that doesn't have a random reference to classic Trek lore. A name, a line of dialogue, etc. It comes across like the creators don't trust you to enjoy it on its own merits, but want you to like it because "Hey, remember thing? We know about thing! Like us because we mentioned thing!" But hey, I recognize that these are things that other people may not have any problem with or just disagree in general. But for me and my family, these are the big ones that keep us from enjoying it. Hell, my brother and dad still watch it for hatewatching purposes, but I was done after season 3. I gave it plenty of chances to impress me, and while each season MARGINALLY got better as it went along, I'm tired of waiting to actually like it and to stop feeling like it thinks I'm a fucking idiot. If other people still like it, great - it clearly appeals to them in a way that it doesn't appeal to me and they are free to enjoy it. Other people probably have their own issues, but this long, rambly bit is the major stuff for me.

[shihalyfie]

A meta on Mimi and her character

Today’s spotlight character is Mimi! While the Adventure characters are all written to subvert character stereotypes (no, really), I feel this is particularly enhanced for Mimi, whose surface demeanor and the first impression you get from her suggest an almost opposite character to whom she actually is.

Disclaimer before we continue: While not to the same extent as Daisuke, Mimi’s disposition and personality have some significant differences in the American English dub compared to the original Japanese. As usual, this is not meant to be any particular comment about the dub’s changes, but simply that if you’ve only seen that dub, are reading this post, and are thinking “that doesn’t seem right?” that would probably be why.

Mimi’s family background and attitude prior to Adventure

Like with any of the other Adventure characters, understanding Mimi’s personality and why she acts the way she does is most easily done by starting with her family background.

We first meet Mimi’s family in Adventure episode 35.

There is a lot to unpack with only this scene alone, so let’s get started!

Mimi’s family is quite well-to-do. They’re not filthy rich or anything, but they’re well-to-do enough for Mimi’s father to work freelancer (he works in music). This means that Mimi grew up with a fairly “comfortable” life, probably getting pretty much anything she asked for -- in other words, she’s spoiled. It also explains why she’s actually pretty impeccably polite to everyone -- she adheres very firmly to honorifics when speaking to both elders and younger people, and never, ever speaks roughly or aggressively, because her parents have basically been raising her like a “lady of the house” (ojousama) or princess. (She does use casual-form Japanese, but she never lets up on the honorifics.)

They’re very open-minded. We learn in this episode that Mimi’s bizarre food tastes in liking natto on her eggs with sugar (from Adventure episode 6) most likely come from her mother, Satoe, cooking things like kimchi fried rice with whipped cream and strawberries. In other words, the family is very into the idea of “unconventional and strange” and has no qualms about it.

While Mimi in 02 is portrayed as liking practically any kind of fashion aesthetic imaginable, both her room and the overall decor of the apartment suggest that “in-your-face cute” is the generally favored one.

Mimi’s family is also extremely affectionate. They smother each other in lovey-dovey words, her father actively likes Satoe’s weird cooking ideas, and it’s a household where everyone seems to dote on and mutually love and support each other (Mimi’s parents are almost embarrassingly lovey-dovey) without restraint.

The result is that Mimi ends up “spoiled sweet” -- she’s pampered and used to a comfortable life where everyone dotes on her, but because of the family dynamic being so built on “affection” and “open-mindedness”, she also never develops a streak towards condescension or malice.

What does that mean, you might ask?

Mimi in Adventure

A lot of people remember Mimi by the fact that she was “whining a lot” in the early stages of Adventure, and the fact that she’s a “girly-girl” with some of the associated stereotypes. As a result, one may be surprised to hear that her behavior is actually supposed to be mostly representative of an average child in her situation, and she’s often described in press materials as “someone who can befriend anyone” or “someone who can get along with anyone”. Even her official website profile talks about how pretty much everyone considers her likeable.

This may seem difficult to believe at first, but you might actually notice a pattern when it comes to her “complaining” -- it pretty much always boils down to one of the following, or something along these lines:

I’m scared

I’m tired

I don’t like this/I don’t want that

I want a bath/bed/food/(some other home comfort)

I want to go home

In other words, Mimi is basically reacting like an average child would when thrown into another world out of nowhere! All of her complaints are out of low tolerance and high sensitivity -- all of these scary and uncomfortable things around her are making her feel bad, and she’s not hesitating to make that clear with her words.

However -- and this is very important -- these are all things she’s saying specifically because she’s now in a dangerous, unfamiliar situation in another world. All of these things are things she says defensively, because she’s sensitive to being uncomfortable or hurt, but she is also never aggressive towards others. In completely normal situations -- ones where all she’s doing is socializing at school -- it’s not hard to believe that she would actually be one of the nicest and most considerate people on the planet and that she would be instantly likeable to anyone she meets. Why? Because she lacks condescension or malice. She’s a very nice person who, if not for being under heavy stress, would never step on anyone’s toes. Even during those early episodes of Adventure, whenever there’s “down time” and they’re not in an uncomfortable situation or being chased by something, she goes back to being polite and respectful of others (remember: she’s one of the most adherent to honorifics among the cast), and is perfectly kind and agreeable with them.

As much as she may sometimes get demanding during the early episodes of Adventure, she also doesn’t expect her peers to cater to her nor does she look down on them. One of the biggest examples comes from the Adventure novel:

Mi–chan was pointing at the front of the bus, where a boy wearing a long–sleeved orange shirt was about to get off. Even Mimi knew who he was. They hardly ever talked together, but he was her classmate, Koushiro Izumi. Mi–chan wanted them to look at what Koushiro was carrying on his back – a wireless laptop. “Isn’t he so weird for bringing that all the way to camp?” Mi–chan sneered with mocking laughter, but Mimi didn’t laugh. She simply didn’t find any reason to.

In a situation where people are mocking this weirdo kid for bringing his laptop to camp, Mimi “sees no reason” to look down on him. To her, what’s the point? It’s not fun to be malicious towards others, and she sees no benefit in dunking on him. Hence, because she’s actually very polite and open-minded towards others, and doesn’t see any reason to be mean, she’s not mean, and so you can see why everyone would like her -- after all, she’s not only bright and cheerful, she’s also polite and kind! Who wouldn’t like such a nice person?

Mimi’s first “focus episode” is Adventure episode 6, and we already see a lot of these traits in action. Mimi gets to see the other kids making absolute fools of themselves under Monzaemon’s brainwashing, but the most she has to say is just observing that they seem to not be having fun, and being worried about their well-being. Once she finds out the truth behind what he did to them, she gets extremely angry on her friends’ behalf -- she actually calls them her “friends”, despite them barely knowing each other at this point!

And then when the Numemon step in to fight for her, despite her initially having been turned off by them (mainly because they make her uncomfortable, both by indulging in literal poop around her presence and by invading her personal space by flirting with her), she actually almost breaks down in tears over them!

What this all means is that Mimi’s “high sensitivity” also translates to something else: Mimi has extremely high empathy for others. In terms of being “sensitive”, she’s also sensitive to how other people feel. She worries about others’ welfare constantly, even when they’re poop-throwing slime monsters who had just flirted with her, or near-stranger classmates who just happen to have been thrown onto this adventure with her whom she barely knows. That’s why she’s so nice to other people -- she feels for them, and she constantly empathizes with others’ emotions, so that’s why she’s never rude to others nor does she step on their toes.

It’s also why, even after Koushirou rubs her the wrong way and momentarily causes her to lash out at him for being insensitive about her feelings in Adventure episode 10, she also never seems to hold a grudge against him thereafter (especially since, for as much as he was acting pretty frustrating, she understands he was doing it out of good intentions). In fact, Mimi is pretty much incapable of holding a grudge at all. (More on this later!)

Mimi’s most famous incident of “succumbing to her vices” is Adventure episode 25, when she ends up letting the Geckomon and Otamamon pamper her while stringing along and refusing to do the job they’d needed her for in the first place (singing to wake TonosamaGeckomon). Let’s go over what led to Mimi getting in this situation:

Mimi was basically at her limit. She had been in the Digital World for what had been implied to be months. Going that long without her bath or soft bed or comfort, it’s understandable that she finally let stress overcome her and succumbed to her vices in full. This is basically Mimi at one of her worst possible breaking points, not her most of the time.

Taichi, Jou, and their partners never gave her a very good reason why they should leave (Taichi never explained the problems going on in the real world, nor that he’d even taken a pit stop there) and now, for all she knows, they’re trapped in the Digital World forever, so when she sees an offer to make it all stop hurting, she naturally takes it -- especially when the people telling her to leave aren’t giving her any reason why except that she should.

Even despite all that, Mimi has a complete mental breakdown after her tantrum ends up throwing everyone in jail, dreaming about how everyone must hate her now and how even the Geckomon and Otamamon are tiring of her (the fact this pops up in her dream implies that she’d had a feeling this was coming for a while now). Sora comes to give her a little encouragement, but even she says that Mimi already really knows what she should be doing now. Mimi ends up bringing everyone out to apologize to them and fulfill her duty before the night is even over.

So let’s recap: Mimi is so empathetic and worried about other people’s feelings and what they think of her that, even in arguably one of the worst mental health crashes we’ve ever seen her have on screen, she still breaks down at the prospect of disappointing everyone and making them hate her to the point she immediately recognizes how far she’s fallen and takes it back before the night’s even over. That is how much other people, ranging from Taichi to a crowd of Digimon she’s only vaguely acquainted with, matter to her.

The full “payoff” for this episode in terms of the light of the Crest of Purity glowing and achieving Lilimon evolution does not happen until Adventure episode 35.

It is interesting for a lot of reasons, mainly because it involves all of the events happening in response to things that don’t sound very virtuous on their face (early in the episode, Mimi insensitively comments on Palmon being “bad taste”, and later in the episode she starts considering the Digimon tormenting others unforgivable).

The “Crest of Purity” (sometimes “Innocence”) is something that’s often been difficult to translate, mainly because the easiest words that come to mind often have other unwanted implications, but the real point of it is that, again, Mimi is lacking in malice. The way she talks to Palmon at the beginning of the episode indicates she really didn’t think Palmon would take it seriously (she even urges her to “not think too much into it”), only to find out at the end of the episode that she sort of kind of did. (Trust me, she’s very sorry about it.) The other thing is that, when she starts protesting at the Digimon at the end of the episode, she’s doing this specifically because she’s weeping on behalf of all of the tormented civilians (including her family) that are being caught in the crossfire. She’s so constantly empathetic towards other people that seeing other people hurt, regardless of how well she knows them, just eats her inside. So for her, those who cause that kind of suffering are unforgivable, because they’re inflicting that pain on others.

This is also what leads to her breakdown near the three-quarters mark of the series. Like with how she eventually came to empathize with the Numemon who fought on her behalf, Mimi holds no grudge against Scumon and Chuumon despite them having flirted with her earlier, and Chuumon taking a hit for her hurts her the deepest among all of the other kids. Because Mimi is so empathetic towards others, every death starts tearing away further until she finally can’t take it anymore. 

Mimi is fundamentally the kind of person who hates fighting, and even from day one she’d never liked it -- her way of “encouraging” fighting was more like hoping that Palmon (or her evolved forms) could survive. If she wanted to win, it was in the sense of wanting everyone to Not Die; she was never belligerent. But now that the actual body count of people she considers friends is rising, she associates fighting so deeply with that body count that the pain gets to her, and the last straw breaks in Adventure episode 45 in the form of two people she considers friends, Taichi and Yamato, getting in a fight. Everyone around her is hurt. Everyone around her is pain. The naturally empathetic Mimi feels all of this, and she thus decides to pull back from the fighting.

Mimi being such a firm pacifist does have its benefits -- not only does it mean that she holds no grudge against Ogremon in Adventure episode 46 and bid for treating his wounds even though Jou (understandably!) is initially more skeptical because of how he’d initially tried to kill them, she also creates a major dent in Ogremon’s “fated rival” philosophy towards Leomon by forcing him to question: so what if you do defeat your rival? Then what? What’s the point of fighting? Does it actually make you feel better to try and prove your strength this way? (Even Leomon, for all he’s portrayed as noble, is still shown to have a petty investment in his conflict with Ogremon in the following episode.) Ogremon tries not to think too hard about it, but Mimi questioning “what he would do if Leomon were gone” becomes a question he really does have to confront when Leomon dies in the next episode...

...which is also an important learning lesson for Mimi herself as well: fighting may cause collateral damage, but not fighting doesn’t help things either, because when less-than-virtuous forces are at work, casualties will happen either way. In fact, it’s even worse to be a sitting duck, because now you’re just doing nothing when people die right in front of you. Which is a lesson that Jou had wanted to tell her earlier, but didn’t know how to describe to her in words because of his own complicated feelings:

What he wanted to tell her was this: that he didn’t see any likelihood of co-existing with the Dark Masters, and that they had no other choice but to fight them. Even a neutral country like Switzerland had a military. They would be invaded by enemy countries without one. It would be nice and ideal if they used the nonviolent resistance approach as Ghandi did. But that didn’t mean it was okay to just be killed without lifting a finger… But not even he could find a good answer.

However, Mimi is still a pacifist. Even if she finally understands that fighting is necessary, that should not mean that she should now force herself to become someone gung-ho and enthusiastic about it. This is why, in Adventure episode 50, Jou contemplates different ways they can productively contribute to the fight -- because Mimi should not be obligated to personally fight herself when it’s not in her fundamental nature, and Jou personally does not feel that he’s very good at it. But Jou, having put some thought into “one’s own path”, realizes that literal physical violence fighting isn’t the only way to be “part of the fight” -- and so while Jou starts to realize that his unique role is becoming someone who can be a capable healer and doctor for those who are wounded, Mimi has her own talents that she can use to bring Digimon and other allies together. Because Mimi is a kind and charismatic person whom everyone finds likeable and would be willing to come along with, and since she holds no grudges against anyone, nobody would hold any grudges against her, so she’s perfect for the role of “bringing people together for the sake of what they want to protect”.

And she does. Adventure being a series that respects the contributions of those who don’t necessarily participate by direct fighting, Mimi’s rallying together of the Digimon becomes key to saving everyone in Adventure episode 52, and the fact that everyone’s together in the end makes for a great group photo.

Speaking of the final episode, in case the point hadn’t been driven home enough that Mimi’s the most empathetic and emotionally sensitive of the entire cast, the series famously ends on her very emotionally compromised farewell with Palmon. Of course, Palmon’s the one who kind of initiated it (she’s the one who initially refuses to see Mimi because she’s too emotionally compromised), but, after all, the series ends on Mimi being so frazzled about it that she loses her hat.

Mimi in 02 and beyond

As with the other Adventure kids, Mimi’s character arc continues in 02, and we learn a lot about her before she even makes her first personal appearance!

Firstly, we learn that Mimi’s moved to America. The in-universe reason is that it’s for her father’s work...or, at least, ostensibly so, because 02 episode 40 implies that the actual reason was that her parents wanted them to be away from Digimon incidents. (Which, of course, didn’t last very long.) The meta reason for Mimi moving, however, very likely has to do with the fact that 02 involves a subplot of Chosen Children appearing all over the world, and Mimi’s character involves an innate talent for bringing people together.

We learn in Two-and-a-Half Year Break that Mimi moved in 2001, only one year before 02′s events, and eventually got caught in the 9/11 incident -- where she met a number of other American Chosen Children in New York and, now much stronger of heart since the events of Adventure, was able to help them in the recovery efforts, despite there being a language barrier. With this, and the fact she’s shown at a huge party in 02 episode 14: they’re not kidding when they say Mimi can become friends with pretty much anyone. Even going to an entirely different country and dealing with a language and cultural barrier, Mimi is such a naturally kind and compassionate person that she immediately doesn’t have any problem fitting in. (Because, really, someone that level of kind and friendly is hard to dislike.) And in a world where international solidarity between Chosen Children is getting more and more important, that is a very valuable role to have.

The other thing we find out early about Mimi in 02 episode 2 is that Sora catches on that Miyako is a lot like Mimi, based on the fact that Miyako also is empathetic and has an aversion to fighting. And Sora’s completely right, because when Mimi does come into the picture, the similarities -- and differences -- between her and Miyako say a lot about both characters.

When Mimi arrives in Japan in 02 episode 6 (for her cousin’s wedding), she and Miyako immediately get along with each other, and Miyako instantly role-models her, to the point of claiming her as an honorary older sister (despite already having older sisters herself!). It’s not surprising; Mimi and Miyako are both very bright and cheerful people, and Miyako even shares the background of being slightly pampered by her family (although presumably more due to her being the youngest of several siblings). Mimi, for her part, continues her trend of being likeable and fond of pretty much everything (including even her beloved tuna-mayo onigiri that she hadn’t had for so long), and is perfectly happy to be tight with Miyako.

The Digitamamon incident in 02 episode 14, however, adds an extra layer into why Miyako idolizes Mimi so much besides Mimi just being cool in general: Mimi is kind, forgiving, mature, and incapable of holding a grudge -- to the point her pacifistic tendencies kick in even when Digitamamon gets hit by a Evil Spiral and she refuses to fight him, despite him literally starting to beat her up. Again, Mimi came to understand the inevitability of having to fight back in Adventure, but Digitamamon is, to her, a friend who was trying his hardest to turn over a new leaf -- so, naturally, she tries to see if she can appeal to his heart instead. Miyako, on the other hand, is on the opposite extreme -- she’s so judgmental about her poor first impression with Digitamamon that, despite fully knowing well that Evil Spirals cause their victims to lose their ability to have reason, keeps trying to use it as evidence that Digitamamon was a traitor from the get-go.

Considering that the “secondary Digimentals” arc is largely about Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori coming to terms with their deficiencies in their respective traits and aspiring to do better, Miyako unfavorably compares herself to Mimi because Mimi is everything she wants to be and currently isn’t. Unlike Mimi, Miyako is aggressive, in-your-face, occasionally judgmental, belligerent, sometimes insensitive (not by choice), and often shallow, which she fully admits to in this episode. Of course, the reason Miyako gets the Digimental of Purity (Mimi’s trait) is because she hates this about herself -- even in 02 episode 31, she gives herself no shortage of grief for her foot-in-mouth syndrome and the fact she’s not as “kind” of a person she wants to be, and she herself is also fundamentally devoid of malice, just quick to jump to conclusions and a bit sidetracked by first impressions. (After all, Mimi was guilty of being accidentally insensitive when she called Palmon lacking in taste back in Adventure; the point is that when both of them do it, they really don’t mean badly, and end up sorry for it later.)

But that’s a story for another post about Miyako; more importantly, the reason Miyako is harsh on herself about this in this episode is that, in many ways, she’s everything Mimi is not, because Mimi is empathetic and mature and polite and never steps on anyone’s toes.

02 episode 25 gives us more to work with; first of all, she’s depicted in yet another completely different hair and fashion style (which she brings up another of during the winter season), and her drastic shifts in style indicate more of her “open-mindedness”; she’s open to trying out tons of new things and is willing to like just about anything. More importantly, however, she turns out to be completely open-minded about recruiting Ken to help out, even though she’s well aware of what he’d done as the Kaiser (and, again, Miyako sees her ability to be forgiving as something to look up to). Because, again, Mimi doesn’t hold a grudge; she doesn’t send anything accusatory or forceful to Ken, but simply believes that he should be given the chance to know what’s going on and help out if he so chooses, which becomes key to Miyako herself also choosing to accept Ken at the end of the episode.

Given that Mimi is portrayed as so open-minded towards trying all sorts of things, it’s probably no surprise that her “career” in Kizuna is so different from what we eventually know she’ll be doing in the epilogue -- instead of her cooking show, we see her running an online shopping business. After all, with her being so open-minded about wanting to do potentially anything, it’s very like her to "dabble” in a few different experimental things before (or perhaps “without”!) settling for something. What we know about this business is also quite on brand for her; her business specializes in “cute” (her preferred aesthetic, which she also shamelessly dresses in), and she’s established as setting up business all over the world to the point she has to constantly travel. Presumably, her natural charisma made it easy for her to set up connections.

Interestingly, her website profile also omits any discussion of any kind of university or other post-secondary education, implying that, unlike the others, she chose to dive directly into her career after high school. Again, it’s quite like her to find something she wanted to do and pursue it the moment it was in front of her -- no matter what it is, as long as it’s interesting.

Mimi’s largest amount of focus in regards to the movie is in To Sora, where she’s seen checking in on Sora after noticing she hasn’t been in the group chat in a while -- again, as someone constantly empathetic to how her friends are doing, it’s natural that she’s the one who catches on and decides she needs to check in. As someone who loves uplifting and supporting her friends first and foremost, she happens to be fully aware of what everyone’s currently up to (compare how Taichi had to be actively updated on Sora and Takeru’s status from Yamato in the movie proper), and also provides nothing but positive supportiveness to Sora’s troubles during their conversation -- as usual, always respectful and polite, and never condescending.

And, of course, she naturally empathizes with Sora having hesitation about fighting -- both because she’s been busy herself, but also because she, of course, understands exactly how it feels for fighting to be emotionally taxing -- and declares that she’ll support Sora with whatever she does, just like how she found her own path back in Adventure by choosing to contribute by bringing people together instead of fighting. She makes do on this promise as well, considering that she keeps up with supporting Sora during her exhibition.

By the time of the 02 epilogue, Mimi has decided to change tracks entirely and go for cooking, which, while being very different, is also very on-brand. This time, the part about “cooking” is something that comes from her family, since, after all, experimental cooking (...of some kind) was something Satoe got the whole family to embrace. The exact nature of her job is literally “culinary researcher”, which is a Japanese catch-all to refer to the sort of “food critic” who experiments with food and writes extensively (or, in this case, runs a TV show) about different ways you can enjoy and put together food, which also goes in mind with her streak of “open-mindedness”. The common point is, really, that everything Mimi does comes out of positivity, supportiveness, and love.

[self-indulgent-imagination]

November, 2017

Warning(s): insecurities related to motherhood, reader is basically a single mom

--------------------------------

Dear Steve,

I’m so sorry, my love, that I couldn’t write last month. I was quite busy, and tired, and every time I held the pen in my hand to write to you, I inadvertently fell asleep with my cheek on the paper. You will forgive me though, won’t you, my darling?

James has finally begun to sleep through the night. Sometimes. He tries to lift his head when he rolls on his tummy, and looks at me so expectantly with your eyes when I’m about to pick him up. And Stevie, oh my God, Stevie, he just giggled! With a sound! I’m recording it. Oh, Stevie, you’re going to love his beautiful little laugh. I wish I could sit by his side, or with him in my lap and make him smile and giggle for the rest of my life, because it is the most precious thing in the world, his laugh!

But I haven’t told you yet, have I? I can’t stay by his side all the time, because I’ve started school again, Stevie. I have other seven and eight-year olds to take care of now, again. And as much as I love our Jamie, I love teaching children too. You knew that when you decided to be with me, didn’t you, Stevie? You won’t blame me if I have to keep James in a creche for a few hours or hire a nanny, will you? No, I know you. You will surely understand. After all, I have a kid to support now, too. Our child. I have to work, Steve.

Am I a bad mother, Steve? For leaving him alone. And sometimes, I can’t soothe him when he cries through the night, and my mom will hold him for five minutes and he will quietly fall asleep. Am I doing something wrong, Steve? Oh God, what if I turn out to be a terrible mother and he ends up hating me? You’ll take care of him, then, won’t you? You’ll tell him that his mama tried her best, even if it wasn’t good enough, won’t you?

Oh, Stevie, why aren’t you here? Right, right, I’m sorry, I did promise I wouldn’t say that again. And as much as I hate to think this, you probably aren’t getting these letters. Because I know you, Stevie, and I know that you would’ve found a way to tell me you were fine if you’d read my words. But don’t worry, my love, I’ll keep writing them until you come back and read them and come home to me. No, until you come home to us.

We miss you so much, Stevie. Even our Jamie, who has never met you but looks at your picture in my phone and on our bedside with eyes as big as saucers, when I tell him the stories of his dada. I love you, Stevie. We love you. come back to us safe and sound, my love. Please, please, please take care of yourself.

With all our love,

Y/N and James

P.S: His laughter is the most glorious sound on the earth, isn’t it!?

------------------------------

A/N: hey guys! so i'm back after quite a bit of time. i haven't had much inspiration to write lately, so don't know how good this will be, but here ya go!

also, would like to say something which i think is rather important. through this chapter, i only wish to convey the insecurities that come with motherhood, especially when you are a working, single parent with the other parent to help you out and take away some of your burden. this is by no means a commentary on y/n's parenthood skills. personally, i think she's a great mother. but to me, y/n is also a slight overthinker, and she can tend to be insecure about some things. for example, in the beginning, she was a bit insecure about steve and her, thinking that she will be imposing if she told him what she really thought of the situation. but here's the thing, y/n is growing as a person. we can't witness that, bc our only glimpses of her are through the letters that she writes, and she doesn't write all that much about stuff that is going on in her life, the small incidences which end up shaping your personality.

but, ok, back to the topic. i just want to portray the pressure that a woman (or even a man, ig) might experience bc of societal expectations. women are expected to be maternal creatures, putting that instinct before everything, and bc that is something that isn't generally explicitly told but something that we witness in our lives, or see through the media we consume, it leads to an undue pressure, one, for a maternal instinct, two, for taking care of the child. unknowingly, y/n has fallen a victim to that. if she were an outsider in the same situation, she would've done her utmost to assure the person that they're doing a great job, but bc it's about her, she can't see that and ends up feeling guilty.

yeah, that's it. thank you for attending my ted talk!

anyway, hope y'all liked it! send some comments my way telling me what you thought... the parts you liked, the parts you didn't, anything!

------------------

January, 2018

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Taglist: @austynparksandpizza

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 6.(Part 1)

The main female protagonist who, has been the “mother /psychiatrist/ fixer/curse-breaker” for 57 eps & 2 seasons, has finally had her own “I’m a real person with my own issues” ep !!!! YESS! So happy!!! also, so underwhelmed. Tohru has been painted to be this utterly selfless & altruistic character for long, that when she’s finally a balanced character it’s presented in half an episode? Don’t get me wrong, I like the ep, but there’s also the same feeling of bullet train that I felt in momiji’s ep! ugh!! I hated that feeling! Go away~ oh well.. I’ll quickly state what I didn’t like, before jumping into what I liked, in order to end with a happier note~

What I didn’t like:

Tohru’s monologue after leaving shigure & Isuzu felt more like a background exposition more than a true character’s thoughts. The reason is that It is quickly narrated with quick flashbacks from the past with intentional pieces missing from the flashback. Pieces like” how did Kyoko hurt tohru? She said to kyo, in se02, ep “ I feel like I’ve only caused her sadness” &  tohru’s flashbacks in se02 of her mother leaving/ closing a door. All these things not included in tohru’s 1st ever personal monologue made it seem like quick fill in for the audience more than tohru’s main struggle. Compare it to Yuki’s 3 ep monologue in se02, filled with all his own background info, hence, we as audience sit back & just feel. With tohru a little brain work is needed of putting things together in the puzzle is needed because NOTHING abt her trauma has ever been explained to us prior to her monologue . Also, compare this kyo. A character who ONLY have 2 eps dedicated to him in 57 eps, yet even without monologues & with hidden secrets for climax purposes, his emotions are clear cuz his background was explained early in se01, ep24 & se02, ep9. Compared to them both, her monologue felt a bit lacking.

What’s up with the following scene? Her crying & kyo comforting her mid-street. He saw her crying, asked what’s wrong & she couldn’t say & he gave her a comforting advice. All good. Kyo always give the most needed advice for tohru to be herself & feel comforted. Se01, “complain more, be selfish” Se02, somen table scene & asking her abt her future plans & the hiro incident. Kyo has tried to guess whats wrong first. Here he saw her cry in the middle of the street & just gave her an advice? couldn’t he at least guess wrongly if it is her granpa? school? anything? This scene is AMAZING but it feels off a little.

Kyo’s “ now I remember” EXCUSE ME?????? se01, ep14, valentine ep, he got a nightmare, then when shigure talked to him, we saw a quick flashback that we didn’t now what it is but now it IS kyoko. se02, the entirety of ep9 & the “ I won’t forgive you” & the flashback of young him with kyoko talking abt tohru. se02, ep 22 his fight with yuki & the clear face of kyoko telling him abt something regarding the hat. His entire shutdown of tohru IS abt kyoko NOT abt him being a monster cuz tohru accepted monster kyo in se01 ep 24! so.. REMEMBER WHAT????? the accident?? I feel like being hit with a rock. I mean, it makes sense that kyo will get PTSD after seeing the hat, cuz he remembers the bloody accident vividly. But it is the dialogue that IS weird. “ I remember” ?? it makes no sense? unless it is another hidden secret & will be revealed later. If so, then forget this point.

Kagura (more on her below). Now, let’s talk abt what I liked!

-Grief (the most difficult theme to express in literature): Excellent writing!

Grief is one of the most diverse human emotions. ppl who grief a loved one either erase everything abt them in order to cope with the pain of loss & live on, or drastically engrave everything, not want any memory to slip away, or hold the deceased on a pedestal, or hate them irrationally in order to forget abt them, some deny that the loved one is gone, others talk to them daily, some act & live normally for years & suddenly it hits them that this loved person is truly gone & they breakdown. Others, direct their disbelief of losing a precious one into the envy that other bad ppl are still living, why my precious one is dead?. Thats why, it is a difficulty emotion to understand by others. Ppl watching you will always think that comforting you is enough & that the longer you take, the more impatient they are with you. Tell me, watching tohru this ep, didn’t you feel that:

Come on. tohru, you can love your mom & kyo! who says only ONE person can be your precious?

Umm, why she cries for her mom NOW? 2 years after her death? Is she over it already?

Tohru~~ your mom aint going no where cuz you loved a guy? she’s in your heart, girl. Ugh!

Compared to yuki who was abused by his parents & kyo whose mom commit suicide in front of him, tohru’s trauma is meh~

Feeling this way abt tohru is exactly how many feel abt ppl struggling with grief. You are NOT a bad person if you felt this way. It means that thankfully you weren’t struck by grief to tohru’s extent or that your grief went about differently than tohru. Grief is a crippling feeling. It is valid, strong, overwhelming, paralyzing & above all very unique to the person themselves. Tohru feeling that her mom is slipping away from her memory is so realistic & utterly heartbreaking. Grief hurts & moving on from grief hurts more!!!! The more you go on & live your life, the more you feel like you betray your loved one.

Tohru’s entire existence is for her mother & so her mother LIVES inside her:

Finishing high school cuz it’s her mother’s request.

Getting a job to sustain herself cuz she has no one to support her financially.

Giving her mom’s wisdom & teachings abt life to others.

imitating her dad’s speaking style to prevent her mom from “leaving”.

Being the perfect girl in order to portray that her mom, who is a gangster & is hinted by the ugly relatives to be unfaithful to her husband due to tohru not taking after her dad, actually raised a respectful girl!

Talking to a dead cold lifeless picture as if it is a living human being & going into panic attacks when she looses such pictures.

Suppressing all her true “ ugly, negative” emotions & only giving the fake smiles & positive attitude.

She fears that ppl will leave her if she isn’t “comforting, happy”, hence, the whole facade of “ i’m okay, I’m okay”.

Immersing her self in ppl’s issues so she won’t face her own feelings of utter loneliness, fear of the future, & being left behind when everybody moves on with their lives.

Thinking that having selfish desires contradicts the “ hopeful, kind” girl images, hence, the fear to actually wants sth for herself. Everything HAS TO BE for the sake of the others.

Tohru is deeply traumatized & her complex, unhealthy but extremely realistic attachment to her mom must be broken. Tohru must learn to LET GO.

-Kagura’s character’s assassination. aka (violence heals y’all!)

The show wanted to express the emotion that kagura is still in love with kyo, but is learning to let go & accepting kyo/tohru love. I love that. Her speech with kazuma abt not being able to face tohru cuz her face will show her emotions is so relatable & it hit ME personally. Loved that. Then, she learns that tohru truly loves kyo & should confess to him not talk to Isuzu & I get that, it make sense that she lashes on thru & teach her the value of being open abt your feelings & dont loose him. all cool & understandable. BUT:

How dare you slap tohru like that? you don’t know what she’s going through? tohru is wearing funeral clothes for God’s sake! she just visited her dead mom, you insensitive woman! How dare you assume that all tohru is struggling with is love love, romance romance yay~ confess, kiss, be happy?

Tohru & kyo’s issues are deeper than typical, normal, shallow shojo love. It is related to child trauma & abuse. To their own individual identity & self-image! Their romantic love is meant to guide them towards better choices for the future, not magically heal everything. Their mutual love is NOT the answer to their issues.

How dare you slap someone to make them go back to their senses? this is such an anime move! ugh!~ it cheapens the emotional weight of character’s emotions.

“ I’m not apologizing to tohru. We communicate thro fists” excuse me?  you arent even communicating with kyo thro fists! he sees you & run! the only time he thanked you for, was when you didn’t “ communicate thro fists” & played with him as a child! Not only make her hit tohru but not apologize??

No one told her off? are you foreal?? Isuzu pouting lips is no match for Isuzu powerful emotions when she’s embarrassed, & kazuma! where you at? Happy at the “ open confrontation”? Why do you kill kagura’s character like that?

Side Notes:

I hate how this went by in half an ep like they did with machi!! tohru is THE main character for God’s sake! But it looks like the show is not so fond of the true tohru who wants stuff & screams & talks to herself, alas she isn’t the angelic, innocent girl that is saturating the heck out of all shojo amines. Oh well~ perhaps tohru’s issues will be visited again in the finale?

Kyo gets PTSD reaction in front of tohru. great. Now what’s next? I won’t ever forgive the anime if next ep, kyo & tohru are all normal or worse the episodic theme prevents the continuation & jumps elsewhere. Nearly all the eps that didn’t end with a happy note, started the next ep somewhere & totally forgot the cliff hanger. such as, Isuzu’s ep in se02, it ended with tohru’s nightmare & next ep started yuki’s issues with tohru all smiley & bright. Another example, the Cinderella play ended with kyo/tohru torn symbolism where each is awkward with the other, next ep machi !!!!!! & kyo/ tohru all normal in kazuma’s house. But this time, it will be an epic mistake to do the same. Kyo going full traumatic in front of tohru to the point of her screaming is not sth you skip & start over erasing. Don’t disappoint me show! you can’t screw that, can you?

I love the symbolism of kyoko disappearing from the picture & the crack of her framed pic at the end with it still continued in he ED. Good job.

They are building for a hug clashing scene between kyo & tohtu. it must hurt. It is designed to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. It is not abt romance. It is abt mental & emotional trauma. I’m excited. But I’m scared. After today’s ep, I can confidently say I don’t trust the director. I’m an anime-only, but tohru’s part in the story is the least touched upon, the quickest to get over with & has the wackiest animation. They just don’t know how to depict an emotional tohru~ sigh~

Tohru is written to be a unique protagonist in the sea of innocent, selfless & always happy shojo heroine & opposed to the badass, physically strong female protag in shonen. She is the most realistic, but so much of her potential is wasted so far~~

“ saving the sohma’s. breaking the curse for others is a lie, in reality I wanted to do it for kyo” This line is supposed to be liberating for tohru cuz for once she is putting herself FIRST! It is not abt kyo. It is abt herself! it is cuz SHE wants him. See the difference? See how this line gives tohru the biggest character development!! but still sth is missing. I duno..

I have lots to say abt tohru, kyo, shigure, the grandpa, kyoko, Isuzu & even kazuma! I’ll do that in part 2.

I still liked the ep tho. It is solid. I”ll like it MORE if they continued from here & didn’t cut it cold.

[ectonurites]

My least favorite type of fic!Tim is when he’s portrayed as depressed/very mentally and emotionally unstable, but also at the same time as someone who is like lauded as being super dangerous/the most skilled or something like that?? Those fics where Tim is chugging caffeine and barely sleeping, but characters are still like “oh I wouldn’t wanna piss off Tim he is Dangerous” and that’s annoying enough but then there are fics that at the same time as that portray him as like on the edge of a breakdown. It’s very irritating even if I’m not sure I can articulate exactly why, it just really rubs me the wrong way. Like, I definitely do think Tim has some issues with depression and stuff, but in fics like those it’s treated more like a quirk sort of instead of a serious issue

LMAOO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT i’m not a fan of that either. I’m apologizing in advance if I sound mean in any of this critique i’m about to give of that fanon version of him. I want to preface this by saying that people can write whatever the hell they want, like, they’re allowed to! And I’m not referencing/calling out any specific works here. Just trends. But I’m gonna bitch about some things I’ve noticed that annoy me, personally. (so again, not saying other people can’t enjoy this stuff! just. not for me)

so like sorry if im mean but this is just me ranting and also this is my blog anyways so:

(nobody take this as an attack on them please because it’s really not)

The problem is a lot of those fics seem to interpret Tim’s behavior in Red Robin (& especially like that last whole arc of his Robin run also by FabNic) as if that’s his normal, rather than the result of a few years of CONSTANT traumatic incidents pushing him to a breaking point (because while all the shit he went through with his Dad, Steph, Kon, Bart, and then Bruce dying was spread out over several years for us as readers, it’s regarded as like within two years in canon! It all happens when he’s 16 and 17. According to the Batman comic right after War Games, Jack was murdered only days after Steph died.

(Batman #634)

That’s a LOT to process for one kid jesus christ) 

I love Red Robin honestly, I do, but it is about Tim at the lowest points in his life. It’s the grand finale of Tim’s story, and everything crumbles, that’s kinda the point! The end leaves him in a position to either rebuild himself or fall apart. It’s all about how he chooses to continue after this point!

(Red Robin #26)

The way he acts and the things he does in that comic should be regarded as such. He can’t live the way he does in Red Robin forever or he will literally burn himself out/become something unrecognizable, like, jesus it’s kinda even acknowledged in the comic when he thinks about what his potential futures would be if he keeps it up like he’s doing:

(Red Robin #25)

He sees himself as dead, as Batman (which he has countless times said he doesn’t want to be and at this point in his history almost every time he’s seen a future he became Batman in he had become a killer), or needing to retire and taking over an Oracle-esque role, likely because he exerted himself too much to continue. 

When you look at him around this same timeframe when he’s not isolating himself/too deep into the mission and is instead working with his friends back on the Titans, you can see that he is starting to heal and work in a more positive direction. He’s choosing to work on coming out of this rough period by being together with his friends who he loves.

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

Not to say that you can’t write about situations in which he doesn’t start to come out of it, but if you are doing so it’s something you should be taking seriously because that’s the idea you want to explore, not just acting like it’s perfectly okay or normal? (And again, there are a lot of works that do explore it in good ways, there’s just also a LOT that don’t)

Like, so much content I see just make any sadness and depression and tendency to over-work himself that’s rooted in his traumas (which! those do have a basis in canon!) into a quirky personality trait rather than a response to trauma. Acting as if he’s always been this way and it’s normal for him. That’s what bothers me. If people want to seriously explore the effects of all these incidents and how that plays into his ability to do his job as a hero, then hell yes do it! But when it all gets brushed off as ‘oh thats just tim, he just doesnt eat or sleep or feel any happiness but like its fine he’s just always been like that’ I feel my blood boil. 

This also often strikes me as related/tied to fanon’s seemingly never-ending quest to make Tim into this victim of so many things he really wasn’t. They make his childhood 10x worse than it actually was (yes he was lonely because he was sent to boarding schools rather than having his parents around, but he was NOT just left home alone all the time as a child. 

(Batman #441)

He snuck away during a school vacation week to follow Bruce one (1) time and to then track down Dick. This is established in his introduction story! PLEASE read Lonely Place of Dying!) and it just... going with those fanon assumptions as being true changes so much of how people characterize him! 

Some people will also (not to call out tim/kon shippers especially because I  literally am also one but) vilify the shit out of Steph and make their relationship out to be some abusive thing rather than just... a messy teen relationship between vigilantes because they had really complicated lives and baggage with one another? Which they both acknowledge they made mistakes in!

(Red Robin #10)

Or people will vilify the shit out of Dick in regards to the situation at the start of Red Robin, or literally just make anyone who Tim ever had a disagreement with out to be the bad guy despite the actual situations always being way more complex and multi-faceted than that.

And then on top of all that, aside from making him into this ‘im broken 24/7 and not doing anything to fix it also everyone around me is terrible to me’ type of character, because he’s a lot of people’s favorite, they also want him to be as cool and strong as he is at his high points. So they’re projecting all this stuff onto him that makes him what should be a barely functioning person but then also act like that’s fine and he’s able to be a dangerous badass on top of it. 

Like I’m sorry but someone who is going out and actively acting as a vigilante like that which is incredibly physically taxing is NOT surviving on coffee alone and no sleep. That’s literally not possible, he’d fucking collapse. (And like, again, if you want to explore him pushing himself to that point, that’s one thing! but acting like he can manage all of that for more than a few days at a time/maybe while working on one really tough case is nuts!) and like, even canon can be a little guilty of this type of thing particularly since the New 52 (Detective Comics 2016 had more than a few references to him barely sleeping, but at least they also made references to him eating normally/healthily and he wasn’t completely self isolating or anything) (and also that comic had him be so self sacrificial he was ready to die to save everyone and only didn’t die because of Mr.Oz’s interference, he’s definitely not in his best place there) but usually it’s still within some realm of possibility.

Also like. The fanon ‘chugging coffee to survive thing’ just annoys the shit out of me because, like, yes there’s a few moments in canon where he’s under a lot of pressure and pushing himself further than he normally would and had some coffee (one of the only times I can even remember him having it on panel is... oh... during that last Robin arc I just mentioned a little while ago shouldn’t be where you source your normal characterization of him because it’s a very difficult situation that pushes him further than he normally would go! huh!) But the thing is like, people play it off for laughs, or like it’s a normal thing he would do at any time in his life! If you want to explore him pushing himself and using coffee as a crutch, like, there’s ways you can write it that takes it seriously, but almost every time I see it come up in fics it is like a core part of his personality and just ‘oh haha silly tim always with his entire pot of coffee he must chug every morning or he’ll die :^)’ And that bothers the hell out of me. 

In general it’s just... people treat Tim so weird. They want him to be so many different things that he’s shown himself to be at different times for very specific reasons, except they want him to do all of it at the same time which just doesn’t work. A person can’t function like that, and it’s not even close to who he is in canon. 

Again, people can do what they want, and this is just my opinion obviously, but yeah. My two cents on the matter.  Read Lonely Place of Dying, read Young Justice, read his Robin run. Read his comics and get a feel for who he was before all the rest of his trauma, and see how he canonically reacts to it along the way. I know reading comics can be tough for some people but so much stuff just echo chambers and becomes barely recognizable in this fandom and it’s just... a shame when it happens with a character ya love. 

[thecatsaesthetics]

Anne Boleyn 2021 Review

Okay, so I want to start this off by saying I am a day late and a dollar short. I know that. Who wants my, over thousand-word, essay on this... but I've gonna give it to you. So please keep reading and leave me comments with your thoughts about this show.

So I will start this off with the positives:

I think Jodie Turner-Smith was excellently cast as Anne Boleyn. Jodie has a remarkable range as an actress. Especially since this version of Anne Boleyn, she is both victim and villain Jodie was able to pull it off flawlessly. She jumped from being a heartbroken wife to manipulating Henry VIII very well. Two scenes that really highlight this are:

The one after her miscarriage and Henry riding off; showed Anne’s desperation and sorrow very well. “Won’t you say goodbye to your wife?” was a heartbreaking line and I very nearly lost it when she collapsed.

The second was in the next episode where she manipulated herself back into his “good graces” by proposing Cromwell had been double-crossing him. This didn’t come across as villainous to me, it came across as a woman in a struggle for survival. Playing the game to keep her station after miscarriage.

I will say this about the show Jodie carried it on her back. She made Anne very sympathetic but highlight that she had this temper that harmed her. However, unlike Claire Foy’s Anne Boleyn I never felt this Anne was unlikable. She came across as someone struggling to survive. The scene with Mary after she learns of potentially Mary being reinstated in the line of succession also highlighted this. The whole "The King never likes to be without me for long" was a lie given he had left her but it was to puff up her station. Reminding Norfolk that she helped his daughter marry the King's son. Forcing Chapuys to kiss her hand. These weren't just power moves, they were survival moves.

This Anne was similar to Natalie Dormer’s Anne in season 2 of the Tudor and Geneviève Bujold in Anne of a Thousand Days. I enjoyed how Jodie both made the performance utterly her own but also obviously drew inspiration from the others.

Moving on,

Another positive was George and Anne’s relationship. I did like how touching their scenes were. The final meeting between George and Anne was heartbreaking.

The horse symbolism, while oddly ripped off from The Tudor’s swan symbolism what I liked. Also, the clock from King Francis implying the “Her time is up” I truly enjoyed. I am just a sucker for symbolism

The Norris Comment

I LOVED THIS. I loved how not only it was said, Anne being flirtatious and joking but the immediate drop. This was the moment Anne truly screwed up. I loved how Norris reacted and the reactions of everyone in the room. This comment is oddly overlooked by most productions of Anne Boleyn or Henry VIII. From what I have read it was an incredibly important comment that was made by Anne. This in combination with her final miscarriage left her in a dangerous position.

Now to a more mixed feeling:

Henry and Anne’s relationship:

On the one hand, I liked it, it showed they were still into each other a lot. This is unlike The Tudors where Henry VIII weirdly loses all sexual interest in Anne (but somehow still expects her to have a baby). Most productions show Anne and Henry’s marriage crumbling the second she has Elizabeth which just isn’t true. I also liked how the miscarriage alone didn’t cause Anne’s downfall, which is usually how it’s done.

That being said the physical violence… Henry VIII was a lot of things but he really wasn’t a physically violent guy himself. He’d execute you but he was a coward about it. I think the one notable time Henry got physically violent with a wife is when he ordered a sword after discovering Katherine Howard’s prior “relationships” and people thought he was angry enough to execute her himself. Even with Jane Seymour, he seems more degrading of her at times than physically violent. Emotional violence was more Henry’s style.

I do understand that they were trying to show the relationship as chaotic, volatile, and unhealthy. However, I just didn’t think it was necessary to add physical violence to do this.

Now with the petty:

The costumes… were so god damn ugly. Just as a side note before we pass from the positives to the true negatives. I just don’t understand what goes through the minds of costume designers. Jodie is a beautiful actress and they put her in the ugliest of clothing.

I mean I have seen worse costumes. They weren't as bad as The White Princess or Wolf Hall. But I would put them alongside The White Queen honestly.

I don't think costumes must be accurate, but I want them to be pretty at least. If you aren't going to make them accurate can we at least have something interesting to look at?

The Negatives:

Jane Boleyn: Ummm I don��t know what to say other than this is fucking dumb. I mean I guess we should be glad there was no physical violence between George and Jane this time around. Other than that I don’t get it. We literally are three mins into episode one and they have Anne call Jane a “spiteful little bitch” why? Because she’s upset her husband is cheating on her? Like Anne is upset her husband is cheating on her? Why wouldn’t Anne sympathize with Jane if that were the case? Even if they wanted to make Jane Boleyn evil they did a bad job. Am I not supposed to have sympathy with the wife getting cheated on?

Also, Dan Jones should have his degree ripped from him. Dan Jones is an actual historian who is an executive producer on this show and he allowed them to have Jane be brought as a witness to Anne’s trial.

On that note let’s move to the Jousting Head Injury thing. Again Dan Jones should have his degree ripped from him. This event did not happen, at least not like this. You can watch Claire Ridgeway’s video on this but the historical records do not support Henry VIII being unconscious at all after this fall. And it was funny they had Chapuys heavily involved in these scenes since he never even wrote about this event. You’d think if it was that important he would have.

That gross miscarriage scene… for all that is holy I do not understand why we are getting these intense miscarriage scenes. The camera was literally between Jodie’s legs at one point. It was so nasty. The sounds… I just can’t. I won’t go into it further but I’d rather have Natalie’s Dormer’s implied miscarriages with just some bleeding then this shit any day.

Now before I tactical the racism I want to say the final episode was probably the weakest one. Anne’s trial… I hated it. I hated Anne speech it was way too much Feminism™. I would have rather had her execution speech or her confession with Crammer. I do get why they only chose to have one of these in the episode, it would totally over crowd the episode. That being said… not only was the directing weird in this scene the speech they wrote just was subpar at best.

The Racism:

Okay, I am going to try my best to tactical the racism in the show. Now I am white and I don’t want to say I should be speaking over ANYONE. Plenty of black Tudor fans have written this better than me.

However, two plot points on this show really struck me as racist.

Jane Seymour: the odd predator behavior Anne has around Jane Seymour. It must be noted that the age gap looks apparent on the screen. Jane’s actress is 25 and Jodie is 34. Jane looked like an innocent schoolgirl and the aggressive scenes with Anne made these seem incredibly predatory. In ALL other productions, I’ve seen this is never how Anne and Jane come across.

The weird kiss between them was both racist and homophobic. I think they said it was about Anne wanting to see the “appeal”. Again it just made her look predator. The worst scene was when she was circling Jane as she spoke a hymn. Honestly, they made Jodie look like a fucking shark in that scene. It was so nasty.

The second and less talked about was Anne and Kingston. I don’t get why nobody is talking about that disturbing scene where Kingston physically pushes Anne onto the bed and holds her there. It was utterly disturbing, and quite frankly I am shocked anyone found that appropriate. You cannot separate Anne being portrayed by Jodie, a black woman, and having a white man grip her head down on a bed saying “She’s only a woman” as an insult. It was incredibly disturbing.

Also in general having Kingston treats Anne so awful… when all other productions of Anne Boleyn have Kingston treat her remarkably well. Racism is implied here. Why in every other production Anne's ladies are kind and gentle to her, and Kingston is moved by her, but when it's Jodie he's physically brutalizing her?

I think there were obviously other incidents, including all the shit with George and Jane but I don’t feel that equipped to handle them. I just wanted to bring these two to light.

Overall:

Jodie was amazing, carried the show on her back. That’s kind of it. It was very subpar. For a show that claims in the beginning inspired by “The Truth… and lies,” it seems more inspired by lies than by any sort of truth.

I mean did we need another Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn TV show. Probably not. Which makes me feel sad. Jodie was so good. She truly pulls off regal. I want to see her in more period dramas. But other than that… 5.5 stars maybe?

[swanlake1998]

Article: Julie Felix: the brilliant Black ballerina who was forced to leave Britain

Date: March 3, 2021

By: Steve Rose

(CW: racism, anti black racism, police brutality, violence, murder mention)

She was told there was no room for a ‘brown swan’ in the London Festival Ballet, so she went to the US. There she found enormous success, dancing for everyone from Michael Jackson to Prince

The turning point in Julie Felix’s career came in 1975. A student at Rambert ballet school in London, she was selected to dance in Rudolf Nureyev’s production of Sleeping Beauty with the London Festival Ballet (now the English National Ballet). Nureyev was the god of British ballet – and he lived up to his reputation on the first day of rehearsal, Felix recalls. “He was late, but everybody said he was always late. All of a sudden, the doors flew open and in he came. He was well renowned for these big boots he used to wear, and a big fur coat. He took the coat off like a matador and threw it so it slid across the dance studio floor. Everybody jumped up and stood to attention. He was there for probably about half an hour.” At the time, 17-year-old Felix was awestruck. In hindsight, half a century later, she is less impressed: “Talk about unprofessional.”

In the fairytale version of Felix’s life, having acquitted herself on stage with Nureyev, she would have joined the London Festival Ballet and become the first Black British dancer to begin her ascent through the ranks of a British ballet company. Instead, she was told she was a “lovely dancer”, but was not going to be given a contract, “because of the colour of my skin. I would mess up the line of the corps de ballet, because you can’t have a whole row of white swans and then there’s a brown one at the end.”

Felix was stunned: “It hit me like a thunderbolt.” Her mother was white British and her father African-Caribbean, from Saint Lucia. She had never thought of the refined world of ballet as being what we might now describe as institutionally racist. “It sounds ridiculous, but because I didn’t experience any racial issues or difficulties before that, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with the colour of my skin. I thought that I was talented and that would be enough.”

Having grown up in Ealing, west London, in the 60s, Felix certainly knew about racial difference. She rarely saw any faces that were not white in the neighbourhood or at school, she says. After her parents had met on a bench in Hyde Park, her mother’s family disapproved. “They said: ‘If you marry that man, we’re going to disown you.’ And my mum just said: ‘Well, fair enough, I still want to marry him.’”

Her father, who worked as a foreman at the Hoover factory, was quite the charmer, says Felix. “He was the proudest man. He would paint the front door a different colour every year. He was always up the ladder washing his windows. He would grow fruits and vegetables in the back garden. But I would say my dad had a big chip on his shoulder.”

She describes how he would dress like a dandy, in 40s suits and spats, even if he was just going to do the shopping. “He would always berate the grocers and say: ‘You’re picking the bruised fruit and vegetables because I’m Black. You think I can’t see this?’” She laughs. “Why would you move somewhere if you’re going to spend your life being concerned about the way other people look at you and your colour?”

There was an incident when she was eight or nine, when her father returned from work very late, his shirt ripped and covered in blood. A colleague had attacked him outside the factory gates with a meat cleaver on a chain. “He didn’t like, one, the way my dad spoke to him and, two, because my dad was Black,” she says.

Culturally, the Felix household was “100% British”, she says. She had no connection to her Saint Lucian family, although she would see her British grandparents in Essex regularly (relations had thawed when Felix’s elder sister and she were born). Musically, her father liked American crooners such as Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole; her mother preferred classical music and had once aspired to be an opera singer. “So, when it came to my wanting to dance, there was a local ballet school around the corner in Ealing that I would go to, and Mum said: ‘Well, as long as you keep working hard and you’re enjoying it, I will fund it for you.’ She wasn’t a pushy, stereotypical ballet mother, but she knew that I loved it. And because she’d been stopped doing what she wanted to do, she was there 100% for me.” When she passed the audition for the Rambert, her parents could not afford the fees; Felix won a grant from the Inner London Education Authority, which paid 75%.

Felix says no one is “born to dance”, but, as a student, her passion for ballet was boundless. “I can remember the feeling of waking up in the morning, earlier than I needed to, getting on the underground and going into Notting Hill Gate, where the school was. I was the first one in the door. The cleaner was still there.

“I could not get enough of it. My friend and me would stretch and practise our fouettés in the lunch break. We’d be the last ones out of the building. Get back on the train, go home. My feet would be bleeding. I’d have blisters all over my toes. And I didn’t care. I just knew this was what was required. I soaked my feet in salt water, dabbed surgical spirit on them to get the skin to heal and get them dried out so that I could get up the next morning and get on that train again.”

After all her dedication, being rejected for her colour was devastating. “It didn’t last long, mind you,” she says. “Part of my personality is: sink or swim. And I thought: ‘I am not going to sink here.’ So I just flipped it around and just said: ‘Watch me. I’m going to show you I can do it.’”

She didn’t have to wait too long. The previous summer, the Dance Theatre of Harlem (DTH) had come to perform in London. This was a pioneering Black ballet company founded in 1969 by Arthur Mitchell, the first top-flight Black dancer in US ballet. While they were in town, Felix went along, auditioned for Mitchell and was immediately offered a contract. She declined. When her teacher at Rambert found out, “she absolutely hit the roof”, Felix recalls. “She said: ‘You can’t pick and choose. You’ve been offered a job!’” Fortunately, the DTH returned to London a few months after her Nureyev experience. Felix auditioned and was offered a job a second time. She did not turn it down.

This time, Felix’s skin colour was to her advantage, although working with an all-Black company in the US was a curious reversal: “I’d gone from all of my ballet training, and growing up not really being aware of anything to do with Black people, to going to New York and there’s no white people.” Before relocating to New York, Felix had never had a passport, left the UK or flown in an aeroplane.

“Within two weeks of being there, Arthur Mitchell said to me: ‘We’ve got to knock the British out of you.’ And I took umbrage, because I’m really proud of being British,” Felix says. In retrospect, she knows what he meant: “It was the wishy-washy way I approached my technique and my ballet training. But it wasn’t just about that; it was everything that Arthur Mitchell taught and portrayed and wanted us to portray within our work. He wanted to show that Black people really can do this.”

DTH’s sense of purpose aligned with Felix’s own. She stayed with the company for 10 years, earning her place as a soloist and touring the US and beyond (including a satisfying return to the Royal Opera House). Life in the US put British racism into perspective, says Felix. In her first week in New York, she witnessed a young Black man being shot dead in the street by two white police officers for shoplifting. A touring performance in Mississippi in 1978 had to be cancelled because the Ku Klux Klan staged a protest outside the theatre, in white hoods, burning cross and all. “No words can describe that feeling,” she says.

There were more good times than bad, though. Felix shared the stage with, and danced for, luminaries from Ronald Reagan to her hero, Luciano Pavarotti. She danced with Lionel Richie to All Night Long at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics closing ceremony; visitors to her shows included Michael Jackson and Prince. Jackson wanted to cast the dancers in his ill-fated Peter Pan movie, she says. He came to a matinee in Pasadena, California, supposedly incognito, but in full Jackson regalia: black sunglasses, Jheri curl and military-style outfit, with a complement of bodyguards. “I was annoyed, because I was there to deliver the performance, but you had all these girls screaming in the audience,” says Felix. “Anyway, after it finished, he came backstage and said to us, very, very quietly: ‘I really enjoyed your performance. I just think you’re fantastic.’ What a humble man.”

A year later, Prince came to a show, by coincidence at the same theatre. He was similarly “incognito”, in a sequined, hooded purple cape. He never took the hood down. “At the end of the performance, he got back in his limo and left and didn’t say thank you, hello, anything. Really quite rude.”

By 1986, aged 30, Felix was beginning to feel the physical toll of ballet life. She also missed home. She returned to the UK and became a teacher and remedial coach for Sadler’s Wells Royal Ballet, first in London, then in Birmingham, where the company relocated when it became Birmingham Royal Ballet, in 1990. She married and had three daughters (none of whom followed in their mother’s footsteps).

She then became head of dance at a local school. Now it was her turn to “knock the British out” of her students. “They don’t seem to know how to really push themselves,” she says. “Ballet is really painful. If you don’t feel that, then you’re not doing it properly.” Ballet has also always required a highly specific form of physicality, Felix points out. “It needs very arched feet, it requires good natural rotation of your hip sockets, a slender body, long, lithe muscles, long neck, small head.” Regardless of talent or musicality, she says, dancers who do not conform to this body type will struggle. Perhaps it is this inherent discrimination that has made other forms of prejudice easier to disguise.

British ballet has made some progress since the 70s, but it could do more. Birmingham Royal Ballet, for example, had a successful workshop programme with local schools, whose pupils were often from Black, Asian or minority ethnic backgrounds, but such programmes seem to have “fizzled out” as a result of local authority budget cuts, Felix says. On the other hand, there are institutions such as Ballet Black, which advocates for diversity in professional ballet. At the time of its founding in 2001, there were still no women of colour performing in any British company. The Royal Ballet recruited its first Black, British-born male dancer, Solomon Golding, only in 2013.

Felix is not convinced British ballet has turned the corner: “I still believe that we’ve got ballet companies who will take a few people of colour just to be politically correct.” However, she was heartened by the appointment of the Cuban-British dancer Carlos Acosta as director of Birmingham Royal Ballet in 2020, although the pandemic has so far curtailed its activities. While all British arts are vulnerable at the moment, ballet – with its high demands for time, labour, space and personnel – is especially so. Now based in Cornwall, Felix has made do teaching over Zoom for the past year. She is not complaining: “It really is a lovely place to be locked down.”

Felix’s skin colour began as a factor that counted against her, but it became an animating force in her career and led to a wealth of experiences and successes she might otherwise not have had. With that satisfaction, the anger she feels for her 17-year-old self being told her brownness would “mess up the line” has mellowed a little. “Their choice of not accepting me enabled me to find something within myself that I probably would never have known was there,” she says. “And then to open up this whole world for me. So I can say that hatred was turned to gratitude.”

[mk-wizard]

Rescue Bots and BLM

Hello, dear friends of all the lovely flavors. Today, I want to address a serious topic I take to heart and how it would most likely be handled in the Rescue Bots series. That is the Black Lives Matter movement or as it is also known as simply BLM. Exploring this fan theory was a request by @ petrichornial and thank you for doing so.

I want to start off by saying that even though I’m white, I am very BLM as I believe treating everyone with kindness and justice ought to be human nature. Also, Chief Burns is a very special character to me in general because he’s a genuinely good man morally and lawfully. Anyway, onto the fan theory.

It has always been clear from the get go that Rescue Bots is a progressive series in many aspects and one of those aspects is how black positive it is. From the beginning, characters of colour were on equal footing with the white ones and were portrayed very well. In fact, even Blades the helicopter bot turned out to be brown after all this time according to his hologram. And I think they did this beautifully in how no one was shown any favour and the characters of colour were not stereotypically mistreated either. For the first time, colour diversity was treated like a natural and normal thing as it ought to be in real life.

Sadly, the real world isn’t always as kind as it should be and there is no doubt in my mind that if Rescue Bots had the chance, it would have most definitely handled BLM honourably because the Burns and Greene family are so close that they practically are family to each other. And like I said before, Chief Burns is an extremely good cop and man, so he would have the Greene’s back as well as every other black person’ back. However, he would also have to face a huge challenge because he is still a cop and just because he wouldn’t tolerate any police brutality towards black people doesn’t mean he believes it excuses excessive violence or taking advantage of riots to commit crimes on the other side of the fence. And knowing the Greene family, they would agree with Burns on this one.

To elaborate how this would most likely play out in Rescue Bots if it was introduced in the series, knowing its style and how it has firm continuity, it wouldn’t be handled in one single episode like in the old days. It probably be a two parter and the BLM issue would still be ongoing in the background. Anyway, it would all start with several incidents happening all over the news and the Burns family would become passive supporters of BLM as would most of Griffin Rock, but then one fateful day, there would be an incident (there always is sadly). Dr. Greene would be the victim of abuse by a racist police officer after committing a rather minor and harmless crime such as being wrongfully parked or something which results in him being accused of other radical things and even having his colour and background brought up. And while Doc Greene is a pacifist, he would still try to protest a little, but the cop would get even meaner and go as far as threatening him which would most likely scare his wife and daughters. The event would spark an uproar in the town of which Chief Burns would fire the cop who took things too far, but things (as always) don’t end there and the ex-cop would start lodging complaints was he was doing his job and Dr. Greene was the one at fault for refusing to comply and giving him lip. I would also think this would be the time the mayor would shine because despite everything, he is not the type to tolerate racism or police brutality so he would side with the Greenes and Burns on this one. This would drive the bad ex-cop to rally together other extremists and other racist cops that the mayor and police chief are social justice warriors. In return, the black community would protest back especially because now, they would start being treated bad a lot more and sometimes, they will retaliate in all of the wrong ways.

Knowing Chief Burns, while he would now be open about being pro-BLM, he would not consider violence as an option to fight racism and slandering, so when the two sides would attempt to duke it out, he would get in the middle of it and command everyone to go home. I think Dr. Greene would feel overwhelmed and responsible for the town controversy while his family and the Burns reassure him that he did the right thing by lodging a complaint and they all know he didn’t play victim that day. He was an actual victim of racism that day and he handled the situation gracefully. Also, the bots would feel the heat as well because they are technically not white humans and Blades specifically isn’t white at all. He is what humans would consider as brown and he wonders that if some humans were aware of that, would he be treated differently. Cody of course would reassure him that none of them or any decent person would ever judge him by what he was as they never judged him for being an alien.

Though the situation in Griffin Rock isn’t getting any better and this would drive the bots into calling up Optimus for help and he sends the Autobot most appropriate for this situation: Jazz. He would come right in the middle of a peak riot silencing everyone by getting their attention by giving them a speech on colour and society. Basically, he would point out that the entire point of BLM is to bring awareness that prejudice by way of one’s colour is still a problem in human society and many black people still get bullied or judged for simply being black including by the law and this needs to change. However, BLM is not a get out of jail free card to be violent and cruel back and being pro-BLM doesn’t mean you are any less loyal to your own “colour” or that you disregard all other injustices. And it definitely doesn’t mean a black person who really is in the wrong should be exempted from taking responsibility for their actions. Jazz would also point out that on Cybertron, they don’t just believe in technological progress, but also social progress and Griffin Rock needs to believe in it too.

Sadly, it doesn’t end with Jazz changing every human’s mind though it at least ends the riots though the issues and BLM awareness become ongoing after. Also, the bad ex-cop’s mind never changes. The good part is that Dr. Greene is inspired to become more proactive in the BLM movement by going to a website and submitting a video of him telling his story to inspire other victims to come forward, but to retaliate civilly.

The incident ends with the Burns and Greene remaining close though now openly pro BLM. The bots in turn show what each of their human hologram equivalents look like and it is revealed that after all this time, NONE of them were white. As mentioned before, Blades is brown, Boulder is Hawaiian, Heatwave Latino, and Chase is black. Cody asks why none of them other than Blades ever mentioned they were coloured. They reply that up until now, they never thought it mattered and once the whole BLM incident happened, they feared that it would start mattering but only Blades admitted it because he was the only one who they knew was of colour. After everything boiled over though, they are all reassured that it still doesn’t change anything except now that they should be open about their true colours to which Chief Burns says they always were.

And that’s the end of how I believe the episodes and series would play out. Pardon me if it is sounds a bit sensational. I also firmly believe BLM would not simply end with just two episodes because BLM is still ongoing. It would leave us with the impression that though it’s going to be a long battle, there is hope and many victories to be celebrated. That and since Jazz is the most iconic black Transformer, he would have to be showcased here.

I hope I did this respectfully because BLM is something I take to heart as I do with all humanitarian causes. I mean, I’m an artist. I love everyone and believe in love for everyone.

Support BLM, people!

If you have a Transformers theory or character analysis you want explored, please let me know in my ask box. And please, support me through Patreon or Ko-fi if you want me to make Transformers merch and videos. Or if you want a commission of your favourite bot, let me know in my shop. All links are on my profile page.

Thanks for reading and as always, stay safe. And stay kind.

[itsnothingofinterest]

Hawks’ performance review

So now that a certain super long arc or Hero Academia’s is finally done, I wanted to give 1 final review to the actions of easily it’s most controversial actor (which is an accomplishment to say the least); Hawks. Go over everything, get it all out, & use this as a way of resolving my thoughts on his influence on the arc.

A warning going in; while I consider myself a Hawks fan, I have no intention of going easy on him in the slightest for when he messes up. And spoilers: he didn’t do so hot. So if you’re the kind of fan who doesn’t like a fav getting smack talked, no judgement but this may not be the meta post for you.

Pre-planning:

Now despite my known opinions of his conduct, there is good to talk about; fittingly enough at the very start of the arc with his pre-planning. Hawks did do objectively excellent in gaining the needed information from the PLF and passing it along to his allies. This not only included locations & important dates, but base layouts and enemies of interest. Additionally: his recruitment of Jeanist, while using questionable methods (I still don’t know why he drew a weapon on him), did end up being quite a smart move. I honestly want to give him full marks...however, it was his idea to bolster the invading hero army’s numbers; an idea which became using child soldiers. His roll in that war crime, as well as another point of pre-planning we’ll discuss later, well be held against him; but hey, almost full marks in this category is still kinda good.

But we must also talk about his actual field work; which means we must discuss, one last time...the incident. The bad incident. The society damaging incident. The incident from which his carrier, his dignity, and his respect as a hero can never recover. That incident. This is where the good stops.

Field work/The incident:

See, for all that Hawks did his dirty deeds for the ‘greater good’ no good has yet come from it. The heroes he saved from Twice immediately had to go up against Gigantomachia (just as unstoppable, far more murderous), his actions inspired Toga to kill an old lady, and Dabi used him as evidence that all heroes suck actually. And on a personal level for him (which I do care about, as his fan, make no mistake); he killed one of his only actual friends, burned all his bridges out of the HC’s grasp, and paid for the fuel with his wings. Like, unless the HC drop him for being quirkless, he might be trapped now that he’s shown complete loyalty to their interests. In other words, the direct results of his course of actions were 100% devastating consequences.

Though to be honest; that’s probably how it should be, narratively. The murder of Twice was a failing on Hawks’ part on every level. 1) He broke one of the rules a hero must never break by committing murder. 2) He did this because he failed to non-fatally apprehend a villain, despite that being his job which he is the 2nd best at in the country. 3) Evidence suggests Hawks went in planning to kill Twice if he didn’t take his offer, and in during so let opportunities to apprehend him slip by (for example, by letting him get his last words in instead of retraining or knocking him out. This was before Dabi’s arrival). 4) As a result of his actions, his friend in need of saving died right in front of him.

A failure to save, a failure to apprehend, a failure as a moral guardian, and actions that are the complete antithesis of “Plus Ultra”. (Though I suppose is his defense, he never did go to UA.) While his fans like to portray Hawks’ actions as a “tough call” he made, the fact is that moral & professional failures like that narratively shouldn’t see results.  Any of these would warrant serious reprimands for heroes with 4-digit ranks or 1st year hero students; so for the no.2 hero to perform all 4 failures is unforgivable.

Risk Assessment Review/Was it actually worth anything?:

And see, I’ve been trying my best to keep track of what things would be like if Twice were alive, so I can tell you they haven’t seen results. Nothing major changes if Twice were alive. Despite Caleb’s “points,” Jin couldn’t clone super Shiggy without a chance to get his data, and it’s unlike he was able to clone Machia either given that he didn’t, so he wouldn’t have had a huge effect on proceedings. Likely, he would’ve chilled with Spinner & Compress ‘till capture. He wouldn’t have been able to escape Jeanist either if he was retrained properly (which he would’ve been, as Jeanist is actually good at apprehending villains), since his clones would break before putting any real strain on steel cables.

It’s only after Compress rescued everyone cold a case be made for how Twice might’ve changed things. But that case could not be made easily, as the events following Compress’ escape act were shaped largely by the whims of AFO. So...*shrug*. We have no idea if Twice would’ve been taken or left behind, or if he’d have been in shape to do anything if he was free to act. Though it is worth restating that Jeanist, like Hawks, had the skill and the quirk to counter Sad Man’s parade.

(And of course, all of these assumptions are made going along with the belief that Twice would be free if Hawks hadn’t killed him; which I believe to be a false dichotomy. The reality is that Hawks’ favorable quirk match-up against Twice should have allowed him to apprehend him had Hawks conducted himself as a proper hero. Oh and did I mention he keeps his wings in that scenario? Because he does.)

Conclusion:

Well I think my most surprising finding is that Hawks might actually have a good future in some kind of hero-adjacent desk job since he seems better at that kind of stuff than field work. His main strengths seem to be in long term planning, and secret communication. (Although he did also encourage a war crime, so let’s not give him too much credit here.)

But reviewing his hero work plainly shows that did not go well, to put it lightly. To reiterate his main 4 mistakes that would result in serious reprimands for 1st years; he demonstrated a complete lack of faith in his own abilities to carry out his duty as a hero, he resorted to immoral methods to make up for this, resulting in him not only failing to apprehend a villain, but save a friend in need of help. This resulted not only unnecessary deaths and societal damage they’ll be feeling for a while, but Hawks also might’ve ruined his life in all kinds of different ways.

Overall; yeah he didn’t do so hot, and it’s really changed my opinion of the character from before this arc (back before I was even posting, God this arc was long). I mean, I still enjoy him; but I do now think less of his moral character, and also now enjoy ripping into how bad he is at his job. Regardless, this is all my thoughts on the matter, so hopefully this is the last time I write meta about Hawks for a while...well except for the post I’ve been meaning to make predicting what the future & the HC has in store for him. (Although if that interests you...get comfy waiting; I’m pretty slow at these things.)

[onyxiana-is-obsessed]

BRO YOUR IMAGINE WHERE S/O WAS KILLED AFTER THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE HER ABOUT THE CLONE THING WAS AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! can I ask for a part 2 or an Alternative ending? Where the body the police found wasn't the reader, they somehow find that the villains used the reader to transform her into a Nomu!! Like hearing her distorted voice blaming them PLEASE I WANT TO CRY MORE xdd

I’m glad you liked it! I am so sorry this is so late! I decided to make this a part two instead of an alternate ending! You did say you wanted to cry more so I did my best to make it as angsty as possible! I hope you like it! Length: 2k Pronouns used: She/her

Warnings: Swearing, details of a murder.

Disillusioned (Part 1)

Tag list: @shiggi-trash @neon-tries-writing @happynoodle @boku-no-dumbass @peachy-yabbay

Lost Again

The weeks following the incident with the villain were hard for the Big 3, especially Mirio. They hadn’t been the same since meeting her… or him. They hadn’t been the same since the day (f/n) disappeared, and it didn’t go unnoticed. When the trio had brought up meeting the villain to the heroes, they were all extremely concerned.

The biggest concern was whether or not (f/n) was alive. Thanks to what the villain had said, the police had reopened (f/n)’s investigation, going so far as to exhume her body and have it tested.

Unfortunately, the results were the same. Multiple forensic teams had tested her DNA, but all they came up was natural DNA. Meaning the body they’d found was actually her. However, the villain had mentioned being able to create clones, what if this (f/n) was just a realistic clone? The reopening of the investigation stirred the public, causing a bit of backlash.

Why didn’t they know the first time? Why did they exhume her body? Exhuming her body meant disrespect to the family. Why didn’t they do a thorough investigation the first time? A young girl died and no one took it seriously until the Big 3 brought up the villain. How did no one realize the villain had kidnapped her? How come her family hadn’t noticed?

The backlash was rough. Not only for the heroes but for Mirio and (f/n)’s family. They did their best to comfort Mirio and he did his best to comfort them. He’d apologized over and over for neglecting to see that (f/n) wasn’t herself, but her family disagreed. Even they couldn’t tell it wasn’t their (f/n). The villain had perfectly portrayed her, to the point where it was terrifying. If they could do that, that meant the villain could be anyone.

The police quickly got the pro heroes involved with their investigation, doing everything in their power to find (f/n) or at least the villains who did this to her. They didn’t have many clues to go on. There was only one thing that was extremely odd in her case.

Why did they clean her decapitated head?

The idea was baffling, why did the villains want her to be recognized? Cleaning the head meant people would easily identify her, barely any effort needed to be put in. When committing a crime, no one would want the victim to be recognized, yet here the villains were doing the exact opposite. It didn’t make any sense.

However, as odd as that was, there wasn’t anything concrete that led them to the killers or the original villain, who had kidnapped her. In fact, even a few weeks after, the police had little to no information on who was responsible.

“Mirio?” Tamaki called, seeing his friend enter Fat Gum’s agency in his hero suit. Behind him, Nejire popped her head out. She gave him a wave as the three came close together, greeting each other.

“Hey, Tamaki. Good to see you.” Mirio greeted, waving to his friend. Ever since (f/n)’s disappearance, Mirio hadn’t been the same. He wasn’t as cheerful, his smile always seemed forced, and there was always that lingering regret in his eyes.

The trio had been through therapy, and was still going in fact, but it didn’t do much. Their change was drastic and only one good thing came out of all of this. It fueled their need to be heroes even more. They were much more aggressive, more willing to take risks, and always second-guessed anything they found even a little bit suspicious. 

“You’re here, are you ready?” Fat Gum asked, walking to the three. They nodded, wanting to hear more information. “It’s that abandoned warehouse we’ve been passed, numerous times. We think there’s a villain base there and today we’re going to find out.”

“I thought it was empty. I’ve been in there before, but I’ve never seen anything.” Nejire explained, making Fat Gum nod.

“It was empty before, but recent witnesses started seeing activity there. From what we’ve gathered, multiple villains gather there at least once a week. We’re not sure what’s in there, but none of our agents have been able to get in. So, it’s our job now.” The trio nodded, ready to go. It wasn’t a big team by any chance, just Tamaki, Nejire, Mirio, Fat Gum, Ryukyu, and some police officers.

***

The team had arrived at the warehouse and were waiting on the signal from the officers. Mirio took a few deep breaths, trying to get in his hero mindset. He needed to push everything else out of his mind and perform like a hero.

The sad thing was, (f/n) never left their minds. No matter what they did. When they’d wake up in the morning, they’d think of her, when they went to class, when they went to lunch, when they saw their hero suits… that one was a big reminder. Seeing their own hero suits would remind them about how they’d failed to help. Just their suits alone would taunt them and that was only one thing.

The three pushed all of these cruel thoughts out of their head as they got ready for a fight. However, before any orders were given, the door abruptly burst open. A woman with black hair and piercing green eyes glared at them. She waved her hand causing green energy to throw them away. They all flew away and landed on the ground, immediately pushing themselves to stand up.

Nejire was the first one to get to the villain, however, a large purple beast got in her way. The nomu quickly grabbed Nejire, slamming her down onto the ground in front of it. She let out a pained cry as it kicked her away, making Tamaki catch her with his tentacles and bring her back down, safely.

The large nomu let out a loud scream, making the heroes prepare for a battle. The woman smirked as she pointed to the trio and laughed.

“That’s them! Doesn’t it hurt?!” She yelled and they glared at her. The nomu let out another cry but… this one was different.

“No…” Mirio whispered as his resolve shattered right then and there. That shriek was bone-shaking and so familiar. He could feel his heart speed up, there was that feeling in the pit of his stomach, that sinking feeling, it was almost like a bad nightmare. It was a bad nightmare. “No. NO! (F/N)!” The same reaction went through Nejire and Tamaki as they listened to the garbled mess coming out of the Nomu’s mouth. When they focused, they could hear words.

“Your fault!” No. Please no. Anything but that. Mirio ignored all logic and ran to the nomu, throwing himself at it. After his initial shock, all he could feel was intense remorse and regret. He felt the need to beg for mercy and forgiveness. But most of all, he needed the nomu to be some miserable hallucination of his. He couldn’t let this monster be his (f/n).

“(f/n)! I’m sorry! Please! Please don’t let this be you! I’m begging you!” He said, looking at the villain. “Tell me this isn’t her! This isn’t my (f/n)!”

“Oh? Can’t you tell?” She responded with a laugh. Mirio barely had time to respond before the nomu threw him away. Once again, Tamaki caught his friend and set him down.

“Th-that’s he-her!” Mirio cried, tears sliding down his cheeks. Both Nejire and Tamaki were also crying, unable to help it. Her distorted voice, the way it sounded so pained physically hurt them. It was almost as if something was repeatedly stabbing their chests. They felt nauseous and dizzy, it was both disgusting and so fucking sad.

So, the villain lied. The situation was actually worse. At least the other way, (f/n) would’ve died, but here… she was still alive and thinking. Clearly, since she was blaming them.

She sounded just like herself… but at the same time, she didn’t. The trio had frozen up, unable to move or think. Their minds started to shut down, unable to process anything but the fact that their (f/n) was a nomu.

When the pros realized this, the trio was told to leave. No one blamed them, fighting villains was hard enough, but to now have to fight their friend, their cherished loved one, was something else. So, the pros decided to handle the situation.

As the trio was leaving, something clicked for Mirio, and he refused. He knew if (f/n) was still alive and well, she wouldn’t want him to leave her like that. (f/n) was a good person. That last thing she’d want was to be turned into a fucking nomu. A villain to hurt her friends and the other heroes.

“We… have to finish this.” Mirio said. Just those words were enough. No need for an explanation, no need for convincing, because all three of them were thinking the same thing.

So they went back, ignoring the pros. They took a stand and they pushed past their fears. (f/n) wasn’t (f/n) anymore, so they weren’t hurting her. They were hurting the monster she was put in.

The trio worked like never before. It was almost like they were able to read each other’s minds, being able to synchronize their attacks. It was deadly, and that’s exactly what they were trying to do.

“I’m sorry!” Tamaki yelled as his large tentacles threw her away. Nejire flew up into the air and used her super move to take (f/n) down. Mirio was quick to deal the final blow. As much as it hurt and as wrong as it felt, he knew he had to.

They frowned and watched as (f/n) fell over, a pained groan leaving her mouth and her body landing on the ground with a loud thud. She wasn’t going to survive and the three sat by her as she slowly started to slip away. Before she did, though, they had something to say.

“I’m sorry, (f/n). I should’ve believed you. I’m sorry I didn’t, I… I wish I could take it all back. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. I love you so much, so much it hurts, baby. I was an awful boyfriend and an awful friend and I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could make it better. I wish I could make you better. I’d give my life for you right now. If we could switch places right now, I’d take that chance so quickly.” Mirio mumbled and only a weakened whine left her mouth. His hand gently grazed against her face. Tamaki reached out and touched her hand, sniffling as he spoke up.

“I-I’m sorry, I should’ve known it w-wasn’t you. I’m s-so sorry (f-f/n). I’m so sorry, I f-failed you. I f-failed as a fr-friend a-and hero. Like Mirio s-said. If I could sw-switch places with you, I w-would. I’m so, so, so sorry, (f/n). I’m so sorry.”

“(n/n)? You’ll be ok,” Nejire sniffled, sitting behind (f/n) and gently rubbing her large, muscly shoulder. “It’s ov-over. I’m sorry too! I wish I knew better. We should’ve trusted you, you had no reason t-to lie or, or do what you did! Y-you w-would never h-have hurt Amajiki. I-I’m so sorry! If I could, I’d give my life for you. I’d… I would trade places with you too, if I could. You don’t deserve this but we do. We… we do.” Her tears slid down her cheeks, landing on (f/n)’s shoulder and sliding down to her collarbone.

Unfortunately, the last sound that left her mouth wasn’t comprehensible. It was the same garbled mess but if this was, in fact, (f/n)… then she knew they were sorry. She knew they regretted what they did… not like it made much of a difference now. 

(f/n) was still gone. They still lost her and it turns out the outcome was worse than what they thought it was originally. How long had the villains had her like this? Did they take care of her? Did they abuse her? Why didn’t they just kill her? Why?

It didn’t matter. There was no one there to answer their questions. All they knew was the body was, indeed, fake. (f/n) had been turned into a nomu… and now she was gone. Again.