#like... how you right next to a well-known gay club

[hotmess-exe]

my pole studio just sent a newsletter out about Taylor Swift themed classes...

I feel extremely tempted to never give them my money again

[ladykailitha]

The Magic of Christmas Part 5/8

The paladin theory is something that a good friend of mine came up with, that if a person was playing them unironically they tended to be self-righteous assholes who actually believed they were holier than thou. Now if you were doing it for fun or to riff on how paladins were self-righteous jerks, then it didn't apply.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

***

September was the hardest on Steve. All the kids were away at school, busy being students and living their lives. If it hadn’t been for Eddie, he wasn’t sure what he would have done.

“Who are you going to work on next?” Steve asked around his slice of pizza.

Eddie wiped his hands on his jeans. “The ranger sounded more fun, so Lucas is next.”

“You got a thing against paladins?” Steve asked, throwing him a couple of napkins.

“Every person that I have ever known that played one unironically have been assholes so...”

Steve started laughing and Eddie cocked his head to the side.

“What’s so funny?”

He wiped away a stray tear. “Mike is exactly like that.”

Eddie blinked. “Wait, really?”

Steve nodded, his eyes continuing to water as he fought back bales of laughter.

Eddie started laughing, too. Soon they were falling over each other just laughing their asses off when the girls found them like that ten minutes later.

“We are gone for less than an hour,” Chrissy huffed, “and we come back to find you giggling like children. Did Eddie break out the weed or something?”

The two men shook their heads.

“I was telling about Mike,” Steve insisted, “and he was telling me his theory that people that play paladins are assholes.”

Robin blinked for a moment and then started laughing too. Which set Steve and Eddie off again.

Chrissy just shook her head and put away the dessert Robin and she got, bringing out the beer to the sofa.

By the time she had finished all three of them had calmed down enough to explain.

“I’m going to have to tell the guys about this on Sunday,” Eddie said, holding his ribs.

“What happens on Sunday?” Robin asked, flopping on the sofa next to him.

Chrissy sat down on Eddie’s other side. “D&D with the Hellfire Club. Eddie DMs, while Jeff, Gareth, Brian and I play. It’s fun. Gareth has been fiercely battling Eddie over that nugget for years.”

Eddie grinned, all teeth. “He’s only bitter because he plays a paladin.”

That got them all laughing hysterically.

“That’s hilarious,” Robin said after they managed to calm down.

“So what’s on the docket tonight for my reeducation or whatever it is we call these things,” Steve asked.

“A double feature,” Eddie said excitedly. “Muppet fantasy. It’s fantastic.”

Steve turned to Robin, “I didn’t know Tammy Thompson made movies.”

Robin gasped. “You take that back!”

Chrissy and Eddie just looked at each in confusion.

“She sang like a Muppet!” Steve insisted.

“She did not!” Robin hissed. “She absolutely did not!”

Steve leaned over to get in her face. “Like a Muppet giving birth!”

“You’re horrible!” Robin groused.

Steve turned to the other two with a smile. “Tammy was Robin’s first baby gay crush in high school. She thought she could sing but she was the only one who thought so. Well, not counting the music teacher and her mother.”

Then he proceeded to sing horribly and high pitched so that everyone was laughing. Yes, even Robin.

“All right she was that bad,” Robin finally conceded.

Steve waved his hand at her. “Thank you!”

“I didn’t know you two met in high school,” Chrissy said. “That’s cute.”

Steve and Robin looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

“Everyone knew who Steve was,” Robin said, “captain of two of the three sports he played in. Rich, good looking, popular with the ladies. It was annoying.”

“I was also a bit of a mean girl,” Steve said with a half shrug. “We didn’t meet until after I graduated when my dad forced me to take the most humiliating job at the mall.”

Robin shuddered. “It was horrible. It was a nautical themed ice cream shop in the food court and we had wear these tiny sailor outfits.”

“Like the shorts on the boys’ costume was shorter than the girls’,” Steve said. “We measured.”

“At least the girls’ costume had shorts instead of skirt,” Chrissy said.

“Thank you!” Steve said throwing his arms in the air. “Tell that to this one!” He pointed at Robin.

“I would have gotten more dates if it had been a skirt is all I’m saying,” she replied haughtily.

“You were getting dates while I was getting made fun of,” Steve groused. “It was the stupid hat. It wouldn’t sit right for a start. My hair is too thick. I even tried not styling it. Nope still refused to stay on straight. Plus, I was famous for my hair in high school, so I thought it was hiding my best feature.”

Robin giggled. “I had a whiteboard and everything. ‘YOU SUCK’ on one side and ‘YOU RULE’ on the other. He never did get a single mark in that one.”

Eddie licked his lips slowly. “There–there wouldn’t be pictures of this is... outfit, would there?”

Robin threw her head back and laughed. “There’s a commercial.”

“No!” Chrissy gasped. “This I have to see!”

Robin grabbed the remote and found the YouTube channel for their smart TV. She logged into Eddie’s account with a grin.

When Steve realized what she was going to do, he made a dive for the remote. But Eddie tackled him to the floor.

“Quick!” Chrissy said. “What’s the name of the shop?”

Robin cackled. “Scoops Ahoy!”

Chrissy typed it in on her phone and grabbed the video that clearly had teenaged versions of their friends.

Steve immediately stopped struggling when the opening jingle started, allowing Eddie to get up and watch this absolute disaster of less than a minute’s worth of hell.

“Those are some criminally short shorts, Stevie,” Eddie murmured. He leaned forward and started cackling. “Does the register really say boobies?”

Chrissy leaned forward. “Oh my god! How did you get away with that?”

“Apparently film executives pop out of Hell as fully formed adults who wouldn’t know a joke if it bit them on the ass,” Steve said on the floor. He leaned his head back far enough to see the screen. He sighed. His hair looked like shit.

Eddie poked Steve in the ribs. “You looked cute.”

He held out his hand to Steve, who took it to get up. He plopped on the floor and leaned back against the sofa. “Yeah, you think so now, but I have no doubt you would have teased me for it back then.”

Robin looked at the remote in her hand and then back at Steve. “Sorry. I thought it would be funny. But you didn’t have a good time and that wasn’t fair to you.”

Steve shrugged.

Eddie put his arm around his shoulders. “I might have teased you, but only in the most unhinged flirting kind of way imaginable.”

Chrissy rolled her eyes. “He would have been insufferable about it, too. He would have made me come with every time even though I’m lactose intolerant so that he could make goo-goo eyes at the pretty boy.”

Steve looked up at him. “You think I was pretty?”

“Sweetheart, not was, is.”

Robin smiled at them and then shared a glance with Chrissy. Absolute idiots, the pair of them.

She pressed the remote and got them back their double feature. They started with Dark Crystal and throughout the whole movie, Steve didn’t budge from Eddie’s side as they sat together on the floor, Eddie’s arm still slung over Steve’s shoulders.

It was only when it was over and they took a brief break before starting Labyrinth that Eddie let go at all.

Steve moved to the large sofa, but when Eddie came back, instead of sitting on the floor like he had been before, he squished himself between Chrissy and Steve, forcing Steve to plaster himself against Eddie’s side.

Robin shook her head. It was going to be an eternity before they got to Christmas.

*

“You going to admit you like him now?” Robin asked a couple of days later as they sat on their sofa eating mac and cheese.

Steve sighed. “I can really see myself with him for the long term.”

“So why don’t you make a move then?” she asked, poking him with her toes.

Steve picked at his food with his fork, stabbing the noodles without any real effort to get them to stay. “I don’t know. We’ve talked about it before. You think he’s head over heels and I think he’s just being polite because I’m paying his bills right now.”

“Oh.”

Steve looked up at her and echoed. “Yeah, oh.”

“Shit, Steve,” Robin muttered. “I could ask Chrissy. I bet he tells her everything.”

“Would you tell her if she asked for Eddie if I liked him like that?” he asked, going back and picking at his food.

She deflated. “No. I would tell her he has to talk to you.”

“And I’m not ready for that,” he murmured finally setting his food aside. “There’s too much time between now and Christmas, I don’t want to make things awkward if he doesn’t like me like that.”

Robin winced. Especially for New Year’s eve.

“Yeah, okay,” she conceded. “Just make sure you tell him as soon as you can. You don’t want to wait too long and find out he’s moved on with someone else because he thought you weren’t interested.”

Steve nodded. “I know. I’ve just got to keep up the flirting and teasing so he knows I’m interested and hopefully he’ll make the first move.”

“I really hope this doesn’t blow up in your face.”

“You and me both, Robs. You and me both.”

***

Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @vecnuthy @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @littlewildflowerkitten @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @genderless-spoon @anne-bennett-cosplayer @irregular-child @carlprocastinator1000 @mogami13 @samsoble

[yeahyeahchloe]

It Wasn't in my Head (1)

(a/n: hellooo! im super excited to be putting my ideas into writing ((finally)) and sharing it with u! this will be a multi part fic, im not sure how long yet, but i am a fan of long slowburn stories so get ready. also, this story will contain inappropriate themes so minors and ageless blogs dni! this is only my third or fourth fic ive ever done so plz be nice to me hehe. ok on with it then)

Summary: Abby is the starting linebacker at UW and when her team starts to falter her coach decides to get the team into ballet, in order to teach them that grace and stability is important in football too. Abby is just as upset about her teammates about this, until she sees her pretty new ballet teacher...

dancer!reader x football!abby

!!ABBY IS STRAIGHT IN THE BEGINNING. READER IS HER GAY AWAKENING!!

The locker slammed in the empty room as the blonde walked out alone, ready for practice. There were a few "hey man"s thrown her way as she walked out the doors.

Abby had always had a thing for sports since she was a kid. She tried a lot of them too, none of them quite working out.

That was before she found football.

Football was one of the only things that ever made Abby truly happy. She knew it was kind of corny to say, but she seriously felt lost without it.

So when she worked her ass off and was offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to play on the men's football team at the college in her hometown, it just kind of felt like fate was aligned.

Abby jogged over to where she saw everyone else running and started doing so. Abby got along fine with all the boys on her team, I mean it was her team after all, but she never really felt the need to truly befriend any of them. She had her close circle and that was all she needed.

Her said close circle consisted of her friends Miguel, Ellie, and Vi.

Her and Miguel met when they were teenagers at a boxing class. She ended up hating boxing but loving what came out of it. Miguel was the type of guy to make anyone feel good about anything. He could turn anything into the funniest joke, or a life lesson.

And Ellie, well she met Ellie not long ago, when their dads met in a poker club and Ellie's dad kina killed Abby's in the game. They had been friends ever since they started talking about their lack of mothers and love of corny dad jokes. Abby had also always known Ellie was gay, but the deal was kind of sealed when she would gush about her crush on a girl named Riley.

And Vi, well Vi was Abby's best friend since childhood. Abby was embarrassed to say, but she was the scared, shy kid sitting on the ABC rug in the classroom. Thankfully, Vi was the complete opposite and marched right up to Abby on her short little legs and struck up conversation. And the rest of the story just kind of wrote itself.

"Hey! Hey Anderson! Slow down!"

Abby looked over her shoulder to analyze the face calling out to her. She turned back ahead and cringed before turning back around and smiling at the man.

Owen wasn't a bad guy per-say, it was really just the way he couldn't learn when to stop. He had practically been eating out of Abby's hands the past three years they've been playing together.

It always confused Abby why she wasn't attracted to Owen, but she sort of just wasn't, and she thought she had made that pretty clear. She also just liked to think that sports were important to her, and she had too much going on for crushes or relationships.

"Hey Owen what's goin on?" Abby slowed so the man could catch up and tried to approach the conversation politely.

"Oh yaknow...practice," He said in between huffs, trying to catch up with the fit girl next to him, "What about you?"

"Yeah just, practice," She commented, coated with awkwardness.

Owen went to open his mouth to speak again, but thankfully her coach whistled loudly and told everyone to hustle in.

They flocked over to their coach and took a knee in front of him while the moustached man opened his mouth and started speaking.

"I called y'all over here to talk before ya started doing drills," he gruffed in his strange accent, "I hope y'all have noticied, that all your scrimages have been straight crap recently. I've seen blindfolded toddlers play ball better than you sissies!"

Abby cringed at his harsh words, but she couldn't help but agree. She assumed everyone was slacking recently due to the fact it was August, and the season hadn't even started yet.

"So, since I wont be caught coaching a ton of pansies, I've decided to get some outside help," everyone seemed confused by his words, and Abby couldn't help but be confused herself.

What the hell kind of outside help did they need?

"Huskies, y'all are gonna be taking ballet classes," the coach said, smirk prominent on his mustache covered lips.

Everyone immediately groaned and commented with wild distaste for the man's decision.

"Shut your nabbin!" he erupted with anger in his voice, "I don't want to hear another damn word! Y'all are takin ballet to learn that just because you think you're big tough men, don't mean you are! You will learn how to move properly on your feet, improving your agility, balance, and strength coordination. You start tomorrow and are fortunate enough to be taught by the greatest ballet dancer in the state and a student at this school. Dismissed,"

Fuck

(a/n: ok wow first chapter! hoped you guys liked it, I promise the next chapter will be more interesting. I will try and have it out soon! ♡︎♡︎)

[tobebbanburg]

I just wanted to imagine a world where Trent writes a completely under-the-radar article for Colin’s hometown newspaper to address the rumours of him being gay without making a big deal about it.

Full article text under the cut:

At 28 years of age, Colin Hughes is something of a late bloomer. After a mediocre start to his career saw Cardiff City relegated to the Championship, the Barry native was transferred to the struggling AFC Richmond, a harsh environment for any young footballer trying to make his mark on the world. But after years of flying under the radar, Hughes is finally making himself known at both national and international levels, and one can’t help but marvel at how far this young man has come.

Hughes’s love for the sport was nurtured from a young age, here in Barry, and despite his recent success it is clear he hasn’t forgotten his roots. The modest yet respectable history of Welsh football is something that Hughes could lecture on at the drop of a hat (and indeed needs to be stopped from lecturing once he gets started), and even his favoured position as a left winger was chosen in homage to Welsh footballing legend Gary Speed, a man who still acts as an inspiration for Hughes today.

“He did wonders for our national team. He was the one who made us all believe that Wales could hold our own against the rest of the world. I don’t think we’d be where we are today without all the work he put in: now that I can, I’m doing my best to continue what he started,” Hughes says.

Hughes’s ‘best’, in this instance, has been to fund a new development program throughout Wales, offering summer bootcamp scholarships to children from underprivileged areas. One can’t help but feel that were Speed still with us, he’d be proud of what Hughes is trying to achieve, although perhaps a little bemused at lending his name to an indeterminable breed of dog that Hughes affectionally refers to as ‘Gazza’.

“Me and my boyfriend got him from the shelter last week,” he says, showing a picture of a large but scrawny dog being embraced on both sides by Hughes and his boyfriend, one Michael Chen. “We got him to celebrate Richmond’s second place in the Prem.”

Buying a dog is perhaps an unusually tame way to celebrate for most footballers, but unusual is rather how AFC Richmond operates these days. Whilst most teams would be disappointed with losing out on winning the Premier League by the slimmest of margins, many often claiming that third place is preferable to second, both Hughes and AFC Richmond are treating their status as runners up with dignity, and no small amount of delight.

“I’m not being funny, right, but if you’d told me a year ago that Richmond’d avoid relegation, let alone make it to second place, I’d’ve said you were full of ****,” Hughes says, then apologises after a gentle reminder not to swear. “It’s gutting to miss out on winning the whole thing, of course, but we’re proud of what we’ve done. And besides, it gives us something to aim for next year.”

Hughes succinctly brings us to the elephant in the room: the recent departure of Coach Ted Lasso. Whilst Lasso himself has always maintained the humble adage that Richmond’s recent success wasn’t wholly his doing, the fact remains that the club have never before performed so well over a single season, nor so swiftly reversed their declining fortunes. One can’t help but wonder what a future without Lasso looks like. Hughes, for his part, remains optimistic.

“Coach Lasso made a real difference. Not just in how we play as a team but in how we think, how we work. That kind of change is here to stay,” he says, before adding, “plus we’ve got facetime and all that **** so it’s not like he’s properly gone. I mean I could call him right now if you want?”

But what of Hughes’ future as an international player? After making his debut for Wales a little under a year ago, and with a surprise win against Uruguay under his belt from April, surely his prospects on the world stage are looking encouraging? With Gareth Bale announcing his retirement, is there a possibility for Hughes to follow in the steps of childhood hero Speed and take over as captain of his national team?

“****,” Hughes says, once again forgetting the request to forgo swearing. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I mean that’s the dream, isn’t it, but I know that any of the lads on the team’d do a great job in the role. Any one of us would bring something different to the job, so who’s to say?”

It’s modest, considered statements like these that give weight to Hughes’s earlier words of change: Lasso may have moved on, but his impact on the team is here to stay. I, for one, cannot wait to see where Colin Hughes takes it from here.

[pagodazz]

Ethan you should do Patrick anderson headcanons

THANK YOU MOON I LOVE YOU.

Here we go.

PATRICK ANDERSEN HCS.

he's sososososo special to me and he's so . real and relatable I love him.

DIVERSITY WIN!!! the entity connected to your brother is GAY!!!

Just had to get that one out of the way, and now I can continue.

To me Patrick is someone who is so so UNBELIEVABLY convinced he's a being made for only hate and evil, when in reality he's capable of something more.

I find him to be one of the most interesting slenderverse characters, I mean, he genuinely goes from being feral to remembering every life he's lived and he's just so defeated. he's so alone. He's not human but he's not an absolute monster y'know? and I think being so attached to Michael definitely taught him love.

Patrick is a being full of so much sorrow, he keeps a smile on his face while he knows he'll never get that happy ending he dreams of.

He's SO human for something that is NOT human at all. and HABIT was right for saying that.

-----------------

THIS MAN HAS DISCO FEVER. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

he THRIVED in the 70s, that's when he was his best. And I firmly believe that's when he realized that humanity could actually be worth something.

Patrick is FULL of funk. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but it does to me. He's genuinely the type of guy to have a victim tied up and he's just dancing to disco music right in front them with the weapon of his choosing and they have no choice but to sit and watch this wannabe theater kid go crazy.

He's so obnoxious but I think it's absolutely amazing. I bet he absolutely KILLED IT in the clubs back in the day.

-----------------

Despite popular belief, Patrick genuinely loves Shaun. Shaun is Patricks everything next to Michael. I think that if he wasn't so afraid of rushing Shaun's death, they would've been alot closer.

They're not siblings in every iteration, but I like to think most of the time they are. I like to think that there was a time that Patrick got to actually love Shaun, but he realized that no matter what he does, he's just going to lose them anyways, so what even is the point?

Although, I genuinely don't think he expected HABIT to cut Shaun up, that REALLY fucking killed Patrick.

Vinnie and HABIT really fucked with the timeline and i mean, that's what Patrick wanted. That's WHY he warned Vinnie back in the 80s.

So I think he blames himself entirely for the loss of both stormy and Shaun. And I mean he's not exactly wrong which is the worst part for him. it quite literally is his fault this keeps happening.

Hes a sick selfish parasite who does nothing but spread diseases to those he cares about.

------------------

Patrick can play many instruments I know that for sure, and I think he can sing.

He's always had just the heart of a performer in him. Like if he had his choice, or his freedom, he would take the first opportunity to climb onto a stage and show off his talents as if to say; "LOOK AT ME!!! IM WORTH SOMETHING!! I HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE!!"

Because I think no matter what Patrick is always going to remain hungry for attention, and to be loved by many. He wants his chance in the spotlight, he wants his time to shine, and he's gonna do anything he can to get that moment. he KNOWS there's no escaping and no stopping what goes on, but he might as well make himself WORTH something.

--------------

I believe that Patrick has known a previous iteration of the emh guys, (this IS canon, but I think they were friends, and VERY close) But I think that Patrick and Vinnie were the closest.

there's just something about the way he talks to Vinnie in the Princeton tapes, it's as if he's known him his whole life. like he knows exactly what makes Vinnie tick and how he acts and how he'd answer him.

And sure you could say that it was the collective giving that kind of information out, but I would have to DISAGREE!!!!!!!!

Patrick feels solidarity with Vinnies situation and I really like the way they contrast each other.

Vinnie is just a guy who's more like a monster and Patrick is a monster who is more like a guy.

I like them. alot.

------------

I HAVE SO MANY MORE SO PLEASE DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK ME FOR HCS. I LOVE GETTING THEM AND ANSWERING THEM

[flowers-in-bloom13]

Another pjo fanfic I made and posted on AO3. This one is still being continued. Here are all the 3 parts of it!!! Btw it is Valgrace. And hurt/comfort<3

------------

Chapter 1. lonely hearts club

''--and then I said 'he's literally just a guy. hit him with your car' but it turns out she doesn't have a car so--'' Piper said, retelling an old story from the wilderness school. ''huh?'' Jason said. ''sorry I didn't catch that..'' Piper looked at him with a concerned expression, her eyebrows furrowed. ''you okay, Jase?'' she said. ''you've been zoning out a lot recently..'' ''yeah...yeah I'm fine'' Jason said trying to reassure Piper with a smile. ''if you say so..'' Piper tried to erase the concern from her face.

~~~~~Later that evening~~~~~

Jason was laying in his bed , starting at the celling contemplating his feelings...his feelings for Piper. ''do I really love her?'' he thought.

''oh no...why......why am I questining this? of course I love her!'' but did he really?

his heart felt lonely.

Chapter 2. Jason's google search history: Am I gay, Am I gay quiz, how to know if you're gay.

Notes:

SOMTHING IMPORTANT: in this fanfic Leo made phones and tech and things that don't attract monsters. why? because plot. ALSO: this goes for the whole fanfic but I'm really sorry if/when any of the characters seem ooc.

also a note to all my friends: if I ever get isekai'd you better be coming with me.

--------

Jason was understandably confused about the situation. ''I don't know what to do anymore...'' he thought. ''I should- I do like Piper...right..?''

why was he so confused. It's his feelings he should know how he feels, it's what he thinks. if only it where that simple...

Jason sits up and takes out his phone and goes to google. ''am I gay'' he types.

he's far too scared to press search, so he deletes it. he lays back down. staring up at the celling again.

contemplating his feelings. ever since the bitch Hera erased his memory he's not known which of his feelings are real and which are not.

does he love Piper? he's been wondering that for awhile now. he keeps ''zoning out'' because of it. Jason decides to google it anyway. ''how to know if you're gay'' he types but he's too scared to actually look at anything that comes up.

he types ''Am I gay quiz'' he clicks on the first result, its a buzzfeed quiz. he takes the quiz. he gets his result. ''Traditional labels are meaningless!'' he reads the description. ''"Gay," "Straight," "Male," "Female"... There's a lot more to the world than those blunt terms encompass! You get to define yourself, and you're free to celebrate your sexuality — or lack of — however you choose! Hurrah!'' Jason reads it, his heart beating, ''oh.'' is all that escapes his mouth. he hears a thump -the Stolls summoning a demon again, probaly- and gets scared and closes the tab and deletes his search history.

'Maybe I should go see Leo in bunker 9'' Jason says aloud.

~~~~~At bunker 9~~~~~

'Hey, Leo...I hope you don't mind me barging in here..'' Jason says closing the door to bunker 9. ''oh hey, Jase!'' Leo says with a grin on his face while he works on fixing the argo 2.

''sooo.....'' Jason doesn't know what exactly to say. he can't just come in here and say ''oh hey, man, I'm not sure if I like my girlfriend anymore, oh also I might like men.'' well...technically he can...

''soo...erm....I need to talk to you about something'' Jason says hesitantly

''oooo got a secret?'' Leo teases. ''you could say that..'' Jason replies.

Leo realizes that this probably isn't the time for teasing. Jason and Leo sit down on the floor next to each other.

''I...I'm not sure if I liker Piper anymore...'' Jason explained. ''In fact...I'm not sure if I ever liked her at all..'' ''hm...well that's a....problem...'' Leo replies. Jason looks down toward the floor. ''yeah...it is...''

''This might sound crazy but.. maybe you should tell her?'' Leo explains. Jason looks back up at Leo. ''but...I.. she'll be sad or mad..'' he says. ''She'll be happier if you do tell her'' Leo says. ''you think so?'' Jason asks hesitantly. ''I never think, Jase'' Leo replies.

~~~The next day~~~

Piper is enjoying the picnic her and Jason are having in the strawberry field. Jason...not so much...he's dreading telling Piper that he may not love her. ''It's such a beautiful(Selina beauguard much?) day, the clouds, the blue sky, the birds chirping, Clarisse threatening to kill Percy..'' Piper exclaims. ''yeah...it is...'' Jason replies ''you okay, Jase?'' Piper asks. Jason takes a shaky breath and looks down. ''the truth is, I'm not fully sure if I....If I like you'' ''Romantically I mean! I do know that I like you but only...as a friend, maybe? I'm still not sure yet...'' Jason explains ''oh...that's...erm....'' Piper says ''I'm glad you're figuring yourself out, Jase'' ''you're not mad?'' Jason looks surprised, maybe even a little shocked, ''you're not mad?'' Jason asks in surprise. ''No. I'm not'' Piper said. Jason starts to tear up. ''I love you, Pipes, I'm not sure if it's romantic or not but I love you'' Jason says. Piper pulls him into a hug. ''I love you too, Jase, I'm glad you're starting to figure out who you are after...Hera'' Piper smiles lovingly at Jason.

Chapter 3.

----

Jason was laying in his bed, wonding, how Piper was so kind and supportive of Jason maybe not loving her romantically - until he heard a knock at the door of cabin one.

Jason got up and opened the door. It's the Stoll brothers. ''Hey, Jasie!'' said Connor...or Travis. it was impossible to tell. ''erm...'' Jason exclaimed ''what are you doing here? and so late as well, It's what 10:30?''

The Stoll's looked at each other and laughed, then looked back at Jason.

''well we're having a...'event' over at the Hermes cabin!'' said one of the Stoll's. ''and we're here to invite you! trust me, there's alcohol!'' said the other butting in.

*so that's why they where laughing...* Jason thought, *wait...Alcohol...*

''uhm...I think I'll have to skip this one..''

''but...!'' the one on the left said, ''You can't skip itttt!'' the other one sarted to speak, '' yeah! you can't! come on Jasiee. stop being such a party-pooper!''

Jason sighed, ''fine. I'll come to your party...'' ''Great!!'' exclaimed one of the Stoll brothers.

Jason wasn't enjoying the party all that much so many...drunk people.. It remined him of his mother. she was always drunk

-----

I'm obviously not the best at writing...also for the "am I gay" quiz result,

I took an actual "am I gay" quiz and answered how I think Jason would and copy/pasted the result... Also I'm sorry it's so rushed- I just really want to get to a certain part. Also my username on AO3 iz "W_itch_With_A_B" if you want to find me on there. Also I wrote the fic in the early rif the morning...it's currently 00:23 rn actually!

[chaotictarlos]

Party

ship: Tarlos | fandom: 911 Lone Star | author: chaotictarlos

Rating: Teen/Up Warnings/Tags: College Meet Cute, Meet Cute, Mentions of drinking

For @tarlosweeklyprompts word for the day: Party

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Carlos isn’t sure why he’s allowed his best friend to drag him to the frat part, but now that he’s here he’s realizing just how much he doesn’t like them. 

For one, they’re loud. Music seems to vibrate the walls, causing the windows to shake and a decent conversation is hard to have because he has to shout to even be heard. The beer is lukewarm and cheap, so he’s been holding an empty cup so people stop offering to get him another drink.

It’s not his scene at all.

He would rather be back in his dorm dressed in sweatpants and his glasses while watching one of his TV shows or reading a book. It would be quieter and he wouldn’t have to fight through a sea of bodies just to move from one room to the next.

The song changes, he’s not sure what it is because they all sound the same and he sighs heavily.

He’s over the party and doesn’t want to be here anymore.

Carlos tosses his cup away and pushes through the crowd until he makes his way outside. He looks around for Michelle, wanting to tell her that he was leaving before he does but he doesn’t see a sign of her.

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

“For someone at a party, you don’t look like you’re having very much fun.” A voice to his right says.

He looks over and comes face to face with TK Strand, someone he never thought would have reason to talk to him.

Carlos knows TK, as much as anyone can know one of the most popular men on campus. He was known for being the star basketball player, the way he treats people with kindness, and how loud he is about being gay. He singlehandedly brought back the school's LGBT+ club and pushed for the campus to be more inclusive for all kinds of people.

Carlos admires him and even has a tiny crush on him - but he’s never thought he would talk to him.

They run, mostly, in different circles.

“I’m not,” Carlos finally says. “This isn’t… This isn’t how I would be spending my Saturday night usually. I let my friend talk me into coming and I’ve lost her.”

TK nods, “These parties can be a bit much sometimes. These guys always go overboard when throwing parties. Not really my scene either.”

“Then why are you here?”

TK shrugs, “It’s expected of me.”

Carlos waits for him to elaborate but he doesn’t. Carlos wonders why it’s expected of him - TK’s not even a member of the Frat.

“Well, you wanna get out of here then?” Carlos asks on a whim.

TK tilts his head, “You know what? Sure.”

“I know a diner we can go to, it’s a lot quieter than this place.”

TK smiles and falls into step beside Carlos, “Sounds lovely.”

Carlos isn’t sure what he’s doing, but he just lets himself do it. Maybe the night wouldn’t be as bad as he thought it would be.

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tags: @strangefurychaos @sapphire11 @first-kanaphan @noxsoulmate @rangergurlgleek1211 @detective-giggles @lonestardust @bubblesandroses8 @thebumblecee @mooshkat @importantbailiffpaperpony @cowlos-reyes

[deadlycupid]

Seahorse - taod college au

“The tiger sharks?”

“Apparently, it’s a marine biology reference.”

“I thought only Noah studies that.”

Tommy said it as if Noah was the only person in the entire world who studied marine biology. Which wasn’t true, David hoped.

“He is, but Nico drew a cool logo and after a while they just stuck with it,” David explained and put his study books away. Then he slopped back down onto Tommy’s bed, staring up at the red canopy and sighed.

“For someone who claims to not like that guy you know awfully lot about him.”

David shoot him an annoyed glance. He had to arch his head backwards, he saw Tommy upside down, so it wasn’t as effective as he wished it to be.

“Well, it’s hard not to listen to him when he talks directly into your ear.”

Tommy only chuckled and put his hands up in defence. “I’m just saying.”

David rolled his eyes. He knew it would have been a bad idea to invite Tommy to go with him to the show. But he had to face the truth, he would have never showed up there alone. He wouldn’t even have the courage to enter the club let alone leave his house.

Besides, he hoped that when Tommy was there he wouldn’t have to face Noah alone. Tommy was a good buffer. He knew the social rules and how to talk to people. It was easy to hide behind him, because he knew how to draw people in and make them listen to what he said.

Tommy leaned against the headboard and looked down to where David was laying. For a second they just stared into each other’s eyes. Ocean blue met meadow green.

“Fine,” Tommy made a swinging hand gestures towards David, “let me get this straight. We are going to a concert-“

“They call it a show.”

“Concert, show, it’s whatever.”

“Apparently it’s not.”

David had made that mistake too and had been quickly taught better.

“Fine, we’re going to a show of this guy who clearly has a thing for you.”

“We don’t know that,” David rushed to say. He felt the blood flush to his cheeks and he was glad he laid on the other side of the bed where Tommy couldn’t see him.

“He said he had ‘taking a liking on you’ and made some clear hints. Most obviously he wrote a song for you,” enumerated Tommy. David had to hold his head to make sure it wasn’t exploding.

“And you have a crush on him too.”

“Oh, I don’t,” David shrieked and shot up into a sitting position. He could barely face Tommy with how hot he felt but when he did look him in the eyes, Tommy only had his eyebrows raised. His best ‘you can’t lie to me’ - face.

“David, I love you, but don’t try to deny it. I’ve seen you in love two times and you are acting the exact same way right now.” Tommy pushed himself off the headboard and crawled to him.

“Wait,” David’s mind was a mess, “I’ve been in love two times? With whom?”

“Well, thanks for asking, I’ve been dying to talk about it,” Tommy’s face lit up but all David felt was anxiety. How had he not known that he had been in love before, but Tommy so clearly knew? Was he so unknowable to himself?

“First, that girl you sat next to in biology first year in high school. I don’t know her name anymore. Was it Katie? Kylie?”

“You mean Katlyn?”

“Right, that’s her name!”

“I hardly remember her.”

There was only one thing he did remember when he thought about her, and he’d rather not do that.

“Well, you kept staring at her face all the time back then.”

“Because she had a gigantic cyst on her lip. It moved when she talked; it was really disturbing. You could hardly look anywhere else.”

Now he had that image burned into the back of his eyes again, thanks Tommy.

“Really? I never noticed,” Tommy looked genuinely shocked, which didn’t surprise David.

“It’s because you don’t look at girls longer than 5 seconds.”

“Why would I? There are plenty of men in the world for me to see.”

“Okay, I get it, you’re gay,” David chuckled and Tommy joined in. It was oddly ridiculous, the type that came with years of friendship.

“But I wasn’t in love with her. If I was anything than probably disgusted.”

David did feel bad for Katlyn, after all it wasn’t her fault. But he had to make his point clear.

“Hm, okay but you definitely had a thing for Dolores.”

David’s heart stopped for a minute and so did the world. Cosmic moment, apparently.

“She has a partner,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“And? I don’t see the point. You can still have a crush on someone even if they are taken.”

Dolores was the daughter of his mother’s best friend. Dolores and her mom had visited them two summers ago. It was all a hazy dream now, all the memories mixed together.

But what David did remember as clearly as daytime were the long nights where they all danced together to Latino music and how much fun he had. He remembered the times he danced with Dolores, how her body moved like she was free from any boundaries. How her long curly hair bounced around her head. And her laugh, so bright and melodic.

He also remembered how crushed he had felt when he found out that back at home Alex waited for Dolores, her long time partner. David had tried to be happy for her, tried to listen when she talked about them, but it was hard to force himself to smile.

After he found out, he couldn’t bare dancing with her anymore and always excused himself, spending more times sleeping over at Tommy’s place than home.

At some point he even made up an emergency that Tommy had so that it wouldn’t be suspicious.

David could hardly face her and he was glad that after that summer she had returned to Mexico, miles away.

Enough miles to put his heart back together and forget that she had ever existed.

“Okay, let’s pretend I had a crush on Dolores, because I most definitely didn’t have one on Katlyn, what makes you so sure I have one on Noah now?”

“David, I know the look on a man’s face when he is in love with another. I’ve seen it directed at me multiple times and you don’t look any different. Besides, you keep on blushing when ever you talk about him and he’s like the only thing you talk about lately. Which means you are blushing constantly.” Tommy took a deep breath. “And the most important one, you are willing to go out to a bar to see a show. Not even I could get you out dancing and I’m like your siamese twin.”

David took a deep breath. He knew Tommy was right. The moment Tommy had laid his feelings bare he had known that there was no escaping.

But he had never loved a boy, yet what he felt for Noah was so real. It might even be better than what he had felt for Dolores.

Perhaps that only meant that he had never had a crush on Dolores after all. But the heartbreak he had felt, hab been so painful and he still felt it haunting him now.

“So does that make me bisexual?” David asked helplessly, feeling everything he knew about himself slip through his fingers.

“It makes you whatever you want.”

“But I don’t know.” David’s throat tightened and his vision was blurry. All he felt was Tommy’s hand on his shoulder, who gently pulled David towards him, and the great weight of helplessness. Of being stuck with not knowing himself despite always being so sure that of all things he at least had figured out who he was.

“Oh, David,” Tommy whispered, “you don’t have to know.”

A sob broke through David’s sealed lips and he surrendered to Tommy’s arms, slumping himself against his chest.

“But- but you know who you are. Everyone knows!“ David cried. “Everyone has it figured out, but I don’t.”

He was full on crying now, not holding back anymore. He hadn’t realized how lost he had felt all this time. That he was alone on this big sea and everyone around him had surrendered to a boat, only he was floating, drowning in the cold ocean.

David always figured out his feelings when it was too late. When he had already went and hurt himself.

“Shh, that’s not true, David,” Tommy mumbled, rubbing slow circles into his back.

“There are plenty of people who don’t know their sexuality or gender. And that’s okay. You can take your time to figure it out. Or you don’t label yourself at all. You are valid either way.”

David hiccuped, taking a deep breath: “But you figured it out so flawlessly.”

“Oh, don’t think that,” Tommy chuckled. “It took me a long time to realize that fantasizing about boys was not something straight guys do. And plenty of google researches and many nights crying on the floor of my bedroom later made me come to the conclusion.”

David lift up his head. He hadn’t known about that.

Well, he had never asked actually because when Tommy had come out to him, first year of middle school, Tommy seemed so confident. When he said “I am gay” it had been a statement, a given, something he hadn’t spent time thinking about.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Tommy dried the tears that had streamed down David’s face with the sleeve of his sweater. “I never told you because I never thought it was important.”

“But you could have told me, I would have listened. I would have understood.”

“I know.” Tommy pulled David back into his arm. “But it doesn’t matter now.”

Eventually the initial tears stopped coming and David’s head was bedded onto Tommy’s lap, where Tommy gently brushed through his hair and traced the scare on his forehead.

They quietly talked about different labels and their meaning but for David they never felt quite right. Like they were all lacking something.

But instead of feeling helpless, now he had Tommy who reassured him, that it was fine the way it was, that he would find a label fitting for him and if he didn’t then that was okay too.

That he loved him either way and that he didn’t need to figure it out today.

Then it was quiet in Tommy’s room. David’s thoughts circled around Noah, his snow white hair and those unremarkable red eyes of his.

And in the quiet room to himself David could admit that maybe he liked Noah a bit more than he had thought.

Maybe a part of him had always knew but had been too scared to admit it, too scared of what it would mean for him. Because after all Noah was the complete opposite of him. A free spirit always going with the wind, while David was anchored to the ground, held back by weights even he couldn’t see.

He was scared, even now, that for Noah he was just another person he passed by. Another person caught in his storm until the next sunshine and David knew that he couldn’t do that. He needed reassurance and reliability.

“You know what I hate about Noah.” David said, his voice soft. He had turned his head to the side to look at Tommy before he spoke again.

Tommy crooked his eyebrows.

“It’s all about fun for him. What if I’m just some fun thing for him, too?”

Tommy breathed out, the hot air tickled David’s cheek and he grimaced.

“What does your mother always say? ‘Emilio, Emilio, el mundo es feliz porque estas vivo.’” Tommy then sang.

The heat flushed up his cheeks again and David playfully slapped Tommy’s arm.

“Ah, shut up!”

Tommy laughed and the sound was so addicting that David did too.

“Tommy, I mean it.” David mumbled when he calmed down. “I don’t want my heart to break.”

“A person can have a lot of fun and still take the things they are passionate about serious.” Tommy drew his fingers down David’s nose and then up his cheek back to his hair.

“Also, he’d be an idiot if he broke your heart. You’re like the lottery win, David.”

David closed his eyes, the dark complexion of his skin could only hid so much of his embarrassment, so he hid from the world instead.

Tommy’s hand stilled in his hair. “You have to go out there and live, David. Protecting your heart won’t keep it from breaking. Loneliness might be even worse. But if your heart aches from love, lost or not, it’s still better because at least then you know that you have loved and were loved in return.”

David sighed, then he opened his eyes.

He was done hiding.

spanish translation (mind you I don’t speak Spanish and I wrote this with help of Google translate and my Italian knowledge so if it’s incorrect pls correct me!)

el mundo es feliz porque estas vivo: the world is happy because you are alive

taglist

@writerfae @writing-is-a-martial-art @conundruminprogress @dontcrywrite @sleepy-night-child @bluehourskyeli @dragon-with-a-pen @avian-writes @apeir0ph0bia @poetinprose

[maureenforever]

Ringo Starr and Maureen’s Glamorous Honeymoon in Hove in 1965

Rob BakerJuly 7, 2019

By on 

Post Views: 7,354

"How does it feel to be married to a very famous man?" MAUREEN: "Very nice."

Honeymoon Photo Call – Ringo Starr and Maureen Cox – Hove, Sussex

Ringo Starr and Maureen Cox were married on February 11th 1965 at Caxton Hall in Westminster. They had known each other since the Beatles’ Cavern days where at the age of fifteen, Maureen, known to her friends as “Mo”, had become a regular at the club. She once recalled:

On the marriage certificate Starr wrote that his profession was “musician”, while Maureen, who was now eighteen, left her profession blank. She had given up her job as a trainee manicurist/hairdresser at Ashley du Pre in Liverpool after continued threats from jealous Beatles’ fans.

Maureen had found herself pregnant at the end of January 1965 and within a few days Ringo proposed to her while they were at the Ad Lib club a few days later. Because of the pregnancy Brian Epstein arranged a quick wedding and hoped that it could remain a private affair. John Lennon told Maureen that there should be no tears or she “wouldn’t be one of the gang.” Ringo was due in the recording studio at Abbey Road on the 15th February before he then had to fly out to the Bahamas for the filming of Help! a week later, so a quick three-day honeymoon was organised by Epstein at the house of a friend of his in the glamorous location of Hove. The friend – the showbiz lawyer David Jacobs – like Epstein, was Jewish and gay although more flamboyantly so – he often attracted the ire of judges by openly wearing powder and makeup in court.

2 Prince’s Square Hove

Other than Epstein and the Beatles, Jacobs’s clients included Marlene Dietrich, Diana Dors (both on the cover of the Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band LP incidentally), Judy Garland, Zsa Zsa Gabor, the Rolling Stones and even Liberace. It was David Jacobs who planned the American pianist’s libel case with the Daily Mirror’s columnist Cassandra in 1959. The jury were persuaded that Liberace was of unimpeachable moral character and not at all, “a deadly, winking, sniggering, snuggling, chromium-plated, scent-impregnated, luminous, quivering, giggling, fruit-flavoured, mincing, ice-covered heap of mother love”. Liberace was able to walk out of the court £26,000 richer and famously said that he was “crying all the way to the bank”.

Time to go, love

News that Ringo and Maureen had married soon leaked to the press and the next day the couple awoke to find film crews, photographers and the press camped outside Jacobs’s house at 2 Prince’s Square a stone’s throw from the sea in Hove. Although disappointed with the lack of even a short period of privacy, Ringo and Maureen agreed to a lunchtime interview in the back garden of where they were staying:

Q: “How long have you known each other?”

RINGO: “About two and a half years now.”

Q: “So this means, Maureen, that you knew Ringo before he was right at the top of the tree.”

MAUREEN: “Yes.”

Q: “How does it feel to be married to a very famous man?” MAUREEN: “Very nice.”

Q: “Well, I’m sure you wanted a rather different honeymoon from this. What do you think about all this?”

RINGO: “Well, you know– We took a chance. We tried to keep it quiet and we tried to arrive here quiet, but we must’ve been spotted and that’s the end of it, you know. So from now on, it’s not really a honeymoon, it’s just– we’re just stayin’ here.”

Q: “How do you think the other Beatles reacted?”

RINGO: “Well, John and George were great, you know. They were happy and congratulated us and everything. And they, in fact, went to the wedding.” Q: “When are the rest of you going to get married?”

RINGO: “When are the rest of them? I don’t know. I’ve no idea. As I said before, I don’t think ‘cuz I’m married, next week they’ll all pop up and say, ‘We’re gettin’ married ‘cuz Ringo is,’ you know.”

Q: “What sort of an effect, really, do you think the marriage is going to have on the Beatles’ future?”

RINGO: “On the Beatles as a whole, I don’t think any great effect– as much as that everyone will sort of say, ‘Well, we can’t sorta like them anymore ‘cuz Ringo’s married,’ you know. I don’t think I’ve got that image. I don’t think it’ll bother them too much. It may help, in fact, you know. We don’t know yet. It’s too early to say.”

Q: “Have you decided where you’re going to live?”

RINGO: “Only in the flat I’ve already got in London, up to now. Then we have to move and get a house or something, but it’ll be a while yet.”

Q: “Maureen, what do you think of the flat and the furnishings? Are there any changes you’d like to make?” MAUREEN: “No, it’s great.” RINGO: (jokingly) “It’s a big flat, you know!” (laughs)

Q: “Ringo, where did you propose?”

RINGO: “In a club.”

Q: “Can you tell me which club?”

RINGO: “Yes, if you don’t mind a plug. The Ad Lib club.”

Q: “You mean, you made it up as you went along?”

RINGO: “Oh, ho!! Bad joke!! No, you know– I was sort of thinking about it, and I just sorta said, ‘Will you marry me?’ and she said, ‘Yes… Have another drink!’ (laughs) And we did, and that was it.”

Q: “Congratulations. Thank you both very much.”

RINGO: “Thank you. Alright? Goodbye! …hope not to see you out my window again!” After just three days in Hove, Ringo was driven to Abbey Road studios where the Beatles started to record songs for the new film Help! In six days they recorded five songs for the film, a b-side, two LP tracks and one song called ‘That Means a Lot’, rejected ultimately for Help! but became a minor hit for PJ Proby.

safari-reader://www.youtube.com/embed/lJMbEYuxeGw?feature=player_detailpage

In August 1968 Brian Epstein was found dead by his housekeeper after taking an overdose of Carbital, a popular sleeping pill of the time, at his London home in Belgravia. It was Jacobs who organised everything afterwards, the press, the reading of the will and had even identified the body for the police. Just over a year later David Jacobs also took his own life when he was found by his man-servant dangling from a length of satin from one of the beams of his garage in December 1968.

Recording a verdict of suicide while the balance of his mind was disturbed, the East Sussex Coroner, Dr Angus Sommerville said that there was no doubt that Mr Jacobs had financial problems. “But,” he added, “it is not my business to inquire further into these.” Dr Keith Elliott, pathologist, said that Mr Jacobs had stood on the stool, put his head in a loop of cord and then kicked the stool away. “But,” he continued, “it appeared that the attempted to loosen the loop but could not.”

Brian Epstein in 1966

It wasn’t particularly surprising that David Jacobs ended up in financial difficulty. This was the man that put together one of the worst deals in the history of popular music when, albeit with the permission of Epstein, he signed away the rights to all the Beatles merchandise for a pathetic 10% to a friend from the London party circuit named Nicky Byrne. It is said, however, that there may have been a more sinister reason for the death of Epstein’s friend and lawyer than debt. Shortly before he died, Jacobs had been visited by a cohort of Ronnie Kray. The Krays, at the time, were due to stand trial at the Old Bailey for the murders of George Cornell and Jack “the hat” McVitie and Jacobs was asked if he could legally represent the twins in court. Jacobs refused and immediately asked for police protection. It was refused…

[phoen1xr0se]

Don't Fall Away From Me: Chapter Two

RATED M FOR LANGUAGE

More chapters available on AO3 (LINK BELOW)

Artist credit: @mistysblueboxstuff (seriously, go check their stuff out, it's mind blowingly beautiful)

Chapter Two

Crowley

It was a bad day.

All of the days had been bad, since the angel-who-shall-not-be-named stepped into that elevator and out of his life.

Soho had taken on a permanent gloom, the skies overcast with dark, grey clouds, never raining but the threat of it always present, and the air was uncomfortably warm and somehow damp all at once. Many travellers in London were surprised to find, once travelling outside the area, that the grey clouds completely disappeared just on the other side of the river - luckily, the English love to talk about weather, especially peculiar weather, so this local phenomenon went largely unnoticed.

The cause of the gloom, a tall, lanky demon who was currently draped across a bar with a bottle of Talisker in hand, was unaware himself that he was the reason for the overcast skies, his mind completely preoccupied on the one thing he didn't want to think about at all.

Aziraphale.

Crowley growled, pushing the thought, the name, the memory, away.

It had been forty-one days.

Forty-one days since he had last seen him. Forty-one days since he had tried to tell his angel everything - give his angel everything - and forty-one days since he had been rejected. Left. Abandoned.

The pain of the memory still made him wince behind his dark glasses.

"Ello, love. You look like you could do with a bit of cheering up." A woman with a shock of pink hair and a nose ring winked at him from the other side of the bar. "Maybe I could help."

Crowley tried to sit up straight and looked the woman up and down. "I don't think... anyone can help, to be honest."

The woman, taking this as an invite, abandoned the friend she had been sitting next to and scooted over to the barstool next to Crowley. She flashed him a lipsticked smile. "Well let me be the judge of that. Drink?"

Crowley raised his bottle, indicating he already had a drink, and turned away from the woman.

In all honesty, he had considered it, a few weeks ago, back when the pain not only made him wince but made his eyes sting too. He'd visited some of Soho's more interesting clubs and danced with scantily clad humans, letting them run their hands wherever they wanted, trying to forget, trying to find new things to feel, but it all left him feeling so... empty. He hadn't been able to go through with it, not once - he left them staring after him with lust still in their eyes as he slouched out of the club with a half-mumbled apology.

He didn't know how to do this. He never thought he'd ever have to. Even when the angel had been cross with him, even when they went centuries without speaking, Crowley had never had to imagine life without Aziraphale. Because he'd known, deep down, that the angel was a fixed point in his life. The one thing that made sense.

"Alright love, I can take a hint," shrugged the pink-haired woman and went back to her original seat. "You were right. Gay," she said to her friend.

Crowley turned to address the women, but after a pause, shrugged and looked out of the window. The sun was beginning to go down - not that you could tell through the increasingly dark clouds. He glugged back the last of his drink and slammed the bottle on the bar before lurching for the exit - it was time.

He had no idea why he'd started driving past the bookshop every night. That first night, he'd been drinking (pretty much the status quo these days) and had suddenly been struck by the thought that Aziraphale might change his mind - it happened all the time, both of them, they'd get in an argument, one of them realised they were wrong, they'd sort it out, maybe an apology dance would be involved - and then everything would be alright again. Hope had caught like a lump in his throat, and within moments he had found himself racing in the Bentley towards the bookshop, with every second passing the hope grew larger and larger, until he was convinced that he was right, and that in just a few moments, everything was going to be okay. They'd find a way to make it okay.

He'd pulled up to the bookshop with a screech, just as the sun was going down, and saw that the bookshop's lights were on - and a figure moving inside! Hardly daring to believe it, Crowley fumbled for the door handle to exit the car but unable to tear his eyes away from the angel within.

Everything was going to be okay.

The figure turned and Crowley's eyes took a second to register what they were seeing.

It was, indeed, an angel.

But not his angel.

Before Muriel had raised their hand to wave cheerily at him, Crowley was already driving away. Of course, of course, he should have known that Aziraphale would need somebody in there to keep an eye on things. Of course he wasn't coming back. Of course he would never choose Crowley over Heaven. Of course, of course.

But ever since then, Crowley returned every night to drive past the bookshop. Despite everything, there was still a tiny spark of hope that would not die. Very often, he wished that it would, so that he could get on with whatever was going to come next. But for now, he would keep returning to the bookshop, not stopping, not ever wanting to set foot inside that place again, but just to keep putting to sleep that tiny bit of hope.

Tonight, however, Crowley came to a sudden stop outside the bookshop. He leaned over the passenger seat, lowering his dark glasses. "Well that's not right," he muttered to himself.

For the first time ever, the entire bookshop was in total darkness. Every night previously, Crowley had spotted Muriel out of the corner of his eyes, reading a book or tidying shelves or, more often than not, waving happily from the window, apparently unbothered by Crowley's attempts to ignore them. And the lights were always on.

Pulling over the Bentley and exiting the car, Crowley scanned up and down the street, seeking anything suspicious.

His gaze landed on the coffee shop opposite - a place he had actively avoided since the-day-that-shall-not-be-named. To his total surprise, he saw that the entire place was full to the brim with angels. Every seat in the place was taken by someone in full-length white robes with elaborate gold hairstyles, and they all seemed to be listening intently to someone just out of sight.

Crowley blinked and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes furiously. Was he really seeing this? Maybe he'd finally drunk himself to insanity.

He took a step closer to the coffee shop, feeling suddenly lightheaded. All kinds of impossible thoughts were running through his mind now. Had Aziraphale, as Grand Supreme Archangel with a fondness for Earth, decided to hold some kind of meeting here? Was he... in there?

A strange whooshing sound in his ears, Crowley stumbled through the door of the coffee shop and rounded the corner to face the unknown speaker, hope clutching in the back of his throat once more.

"Aziraphale?"

The name came out as a moan rather than a question.

Every head swivelled towards him, and in that moment Crowley realised his mistake.

They weren't angels, they were humans. Dressed in... white sheets, mostly. With weird gold leaf things in their hair. One by one, he recognised various faces. Mrs Sandwich. Mr. Brown. Mutt. Justine. Maggie. And the person who had been speaking was... Nina, who was now looking at him in total shock.

"Oh," said Crowley, choking back his disappointment. "Oh."

"Mr Crowley!" Muriel's excitable voice came from somewhere behind him. "I didn't know you were going to be coming. Isn't this exciting?" Crowley turned slowly. Muriel, too, was wrapped in a white sheet, their beaming face sprinkled in gold glitter with stars across their forehead. "Apparently this is called a 'tow-guh' party. We're all pretending we're from Ancient Rome. But luckily, with better sanitation."

Muriel's words barely registered in Crowley's mind. He was drunk, very, very drunk, and all of a sudden much too tired to stand anymore. The weight of his disappointment came crashing down on him and he sank into the nearest chair.

"Right... well..." said Nina, nervously trying to draw everyone's attention away from Crowley. "I think we've pretty much discussed everything we needed to, so I am officially drawing this meeting of the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association to a close."

"Time to party?" piped up Mrs Sandwich, with a grin.

"Er... yes, I suppose so," agreed Nina, glancing over at Maggie, who was already making a beeline for Crowley's slumped figure.

"And let's raise our glasses to dear Mr Fell, who began this rather amusing tradition of theming our monthly meetings. Wherever you disappeared to, Mr Fell, you are missed!" cried out Mr Arnold. "To Mr Fell!"

Everyone raised their glasses. "Mr Fell!"

Maggie and Nina sat either side of Crowley just in time to hear him whisper, "Mr Fell", and they looked at each other in silent agreement that they would ignore the single, solitary tear that ran down onto the paint-chipped table.

"We've been a little worried about you, Mr Crowley," said Maggie softly. She tentatively put her hand on his shoulder, but he squirmed away and wobbled into what he hoped was an upright position (it wasn't).

"Whaddya mean? 'M fine. Obviously fine. Totally fine."

Nina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you really look it."

"Anyway, I'm pretty sure I told both of you to forget all about everything and never ever talk to me again, didn't I? Eh?" Crowley snarled.

"You came into my shop!" retorted Nina.

Crowley grunted and slouched back into his seat.

Music began pumping into the little coffee shop and bodies began swirling and dancing and laughing around them. Crowley's face remained impassive and the three sat in silence for a moment, watching the shopkeepers and traders as they enjoyed themselves. Muriel stood awkwardly in the crowd, politely declining Mr Brown's offer of wine and Mrs Sandwich's insistence to dance. Despite smiling brightly at everyone, when anyone wasn't looking, the angel's face looked panicked, their huge eyes watching the humans closely to try and mimic their behaviour.

"Poor bugger," muttered Crowley. "Dropped on Earth and left to fend for themselves. Bet he hasn't even checked to see how they're doing."

"He?" said Maggie.

"Yeah. Him. Stupid old angel. Doesn't care about... about anyone but... Heaven... and God... and the stupid. Bloody. Ineffable. Plan." He spat out the words with venom.

"So I take it your little chat didn't go well then," said Nina.

Crowley twisted to face her, his face taut with barely suppressed rage.

"No. No it didn't. And I have you to thank for that, don't I?" he hissed.

Nina was tough, but there was something about Crowley that genuinely made her blood run cold when he spoke like that. It was the same presence she'd felt when he'd urged her into the bookshop that fateful night, some power that she knew she would be helpless to fight. So, despite her instincts that always told her to never back down from a fight, she nodded.

"Yes. I suppose you do. Sorry."

She held Crowley's gaze, feeling the heat of his rage - and then, all at once, it vanished.

He crumpled, and this time allowed Maggie's reassuring pat on his shoulder.

"S'not your fault, is it. Not really. Was inevitable, really." Crowley's voice was quiet. "I mean... what was I thinking. Why would an angel even look at me. I'm... I'm unforgivable, that's what I am."

"Oh, I'm sure you're not..." interjected Maggie.

"No, I am! I am! He told me enough bloody times. 'Crowley, you're evil. Crowley, you're a demon. Crowley, I don't even like you. We are not friends.' He said it. Again and again. And I just... I dunno. I guess I thought, over the years... that we were... That he saw..." Crowley broke off, with a shuddering breath. He'd said too much. He hated this feelings talk. Why did these two always make him do this?

"Right. I'm going to leave you to your... party."

"Are you going to be okay?" Maggie asked, concerned.

"'M always okay," mumbled Crowley as he stood, leaning against the table to stop the room from swimming. "See?"

"We're always here, you know, if you wanted to talk," said Nina.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. It was unlike Nina to show compassion. His eyes flicked between the two women and saw that some of Maggie's softness had been rubbing off on her. It was just like when he and Aziraphale...

No. Mustn't think about that.

"When you go, would you walk Muriel back to the bookshop? They don't look like they're having much fun."

Muriel was sandwiched between two enthusiastically twerking shopkeepers and looking completely perplexed. Crowley groaned. "Yeah, alright. Oi, angel. Let's go."

The familiar honorific slipped from his mouth without him even thinking about it. It felt wrong.

It wasn't their fault, he'd done it to himself, but he felt a wave of anger towards Muriel as they extricated themself from the dancefloor and fled to his side. Their wide-eyed hopeful expression made him grit his teeth. "Thanks, Mr Crowley. Humans are... weird."

"Whatever. I'm taking you home... I mean, to Az... I mean, to the bookshop."

As they walked over to the bookshop, Crowley tuned out Muriel's cheerful chatter about everything they'd learned this evening about humans and dancing and shopkeeping. His mind was thoroughly preoccupied, mostly by how much he'd managed to embarrass himself this evening. He was drinking pretty much around the clock these days, and hadn't really thought it had affected him all that much. It just helped everything feel... less. It blurred the sharpness of the memories, numbed the pain of facing the fact that he was truly alone now. He'd once told Aziraphale that he had never been lonely, but they'd both known it was a lie. And now the loneliness was back, only this time it ached and roared like never before, because this time he knew how it felt to have someone, and their absence made the loneliness cavernous. It ate away at him, pulling away at his insides in ways Hell couldn't even dream of.

He sighed, and Muriel stopped their chatter to gaze up at him, concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Never better," lied the demon.

Even Muriel could spot a lie that obvious. "Right. Um, can I ask you something? Please?"

Crowley quirked an eyebrow but didn't stop them from continuing.

"Well... I was just wondering... see, it's something Nina and Maggie said, and it made me think... well, I just wanted to ask if you and... and Mr Fell... Well, were you in love?"

Crowley's mouth moved but no sound came out. Muriel stared.

"...No."

"No?" Muriel asked.

"No. Now - get yourself inside that bookshop and do bookshoppy things, okay? Read and dust and move things around, quote obscure things and remember to never sell anything. Not one book. Most important rule of all." Crowley ushered them into the door, but careful not to touch it, not to look inside. He couldn't look inside. If he looked inside he would remember. If he remembered he would never stop remembering. "I bet you're doing a fabulous job, even if upstairs haven't been checking in to say so, so keep it up, 'kay?"

"Oh, they do check in, but thanks Mr Crowley," beamed Muriel from the door. One of the gold stars from their forehead was peeling off and wobbling, threatening to fall.

Crowley froze. "They... they check in? Does... does he check in?"

"Yes, of course! Every Friday. Always asking about the books."

Crowley knew he should stop now. He knew he should just get into the car, drive away, never come back. But before he could stop himself, his traitorous lips asked the question. "Does he ask about... anything else? I mean... does he ask about... me?" he whispered the last word.

Muriel's usually bright face fell slightly, their mouth twisting, and Crowley turned away, slinking back to his car.

He had his answer.

"I'm sorry, Mr Crowley. I'm sure he's just really -"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure." Crowley wanted this to be the moment his hope died forever. He couldn't go on like this.

He opened the door to the Bentley and hesitated before getting in. "Muriel?"

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes... what?"

"Yes I was in love. With him. With Aziraphale."

Crowley took a deep, shuddering breath. He felt something, some kind of pressure, leave him - it was the first time he had ever uttered those words, even in his own mind, the first time he had allowed the truth out.

Muriel clasped their hands together. "But... but you said no."

Crowley's mouth set into a firm line as he swung into the car, his expression hardening.

"I'm a demon. I lied."

[redrosesandforgetmenots]

Through Your Eyes

Mallrats (chapter 2)

2,261 words

"Do I really have to stand here and wait for you to try them all on? I-I have other stuff to do!" Tweek was standing with his arms crossed outside of the Victoria's Secret dressing room with Wends while Bebe tried on bras.

"What? It's not like they're going to kick you out. You're gay!" Bebe replied from inside. Tweek went red, looking around to see if anyone heard.

"Bebe we talked about that," Wends said, earning some slight pause from the girl inside the dressing room.

"Sorry Tweek," she replied, "I didn't mean to out you like that." Tweek just sort of shrugged, "But if you're really that uncomfortable, I can meet you guys at Anne's?" Wends looked to Tweek to answer.

"Yeah, I mean we can meet at Anne's. How long do you think you'll be?"

"Twenty minutes top babe, I literally just have a pick a good one for practice!" Bebe replied, so Tweek and Wendy headed to the second floor of the mall, to the Queen Anne's next to the Macy's. 

"Are you actually going to get pretzels this time?" Wends asked, looking at Tweek. "I'll eat a few of yours if you want, just to be sure."

"N-No…. Um, Craig gave me a cliff bar?" Tweek replied, scratching at his neck slightly. "And I'm not really hungry, anyway." Wends gave him a strange look.

"Okay, I mean first of all that's not enough… second of all, I don't believe you took anything from Craig." They replied, before giving him a worried smile. "I know it's hard, we can swing by your place and make you something after?" Tweek thought for a moment. By the time things were wrapped up here, his grandma's nurse would probably be going home, and she'd be in bed…

"Okay… but we have to be quiet. I-if that's okay-"

"Its more than okay! Honestly Tweek, do you want me to come over in the mornings to make sure you pack lunches?" Tweek shrunk away slightly. He didn't want to do that to Wends, that'd be such a huge burden on them… they already came to pick him up for school… "It's not going to be a problem Tweek. What's most important is your health and I'm wanting to help! It won't be a problem at all."

"...okay." Tweek said finally, leaning against the railing of the second floor. "D-did you want to get pretzels though?" He asked, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater. Wends shrugged, before shaking their head.

This was a typical after school outing for the three teens. Bebe almost always needed something at the mall, Wends liked to help her shop when they didn't have any club activities going on, and Tweek… well. Tweek just liked to feel included. He knew more than well that he wouldn't have any friends without these two. He could still remember when he came out in middle school and the two coolest girls in school approached him.

"You're like, gay, right?" Bebe had asked, running fingers through her curly blonde pigtails.

"Yeah b-but it's not a big de-"

"So are we! Wanna be friends?" Wends had interrupted him, seemingly eager to befriend someone with a similar situation.

And so their friendship had blossomed. Tweek knew that without the two of them, he'd be a completely friendless, weird, gay outcast hiding away in the art room. He was more than happy to keep their secrets, Bebe's lesbianism and Wends' genderfluidity were only things known by their closest friend group. Himself, Stan, Wends long time, though admittedly on and off boyfriend, and the rest of the girls. Heidi, Nichole, and Marjorine.

To the rest of the school, Bebe and Wends were two straight, Cis girls who had taken the quirky (a very generous term for what Tweek was,) gay boy under their wing and protected him from the social nightmares of public schooling. Although Tweek knew he didn't fit the typical "GBF" mold, he was grateful.

Bebe returned from the lingerie store, bags in tow to the Queen Anne's pretzels stand. "Oh my god, you guys will never guess who I saw on my way over!" The other blonde in the group started chattering. Apparently Jimmy and Nichole were at the comic book store together, or something. Tweek had to admit, he was only half listening. Bebe, ever the hawk eyed captian, noticed. "Tweek? What's up? Are you like… okay?"

"Um… yeah, just… " Tweek looked around for a second. "Do you guys think that Craig is really that much of an asshole?" He asked, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Ummmm… TT? Are you seriously asking us that right now?" Bebe asked before taking his hand and starting to walk them somewhere else.

"He literally brought up your parents today," Wends pointed out. "IN class! What if you had a panic attack?"

"... he apologized?" Tweek spoke up, "And I mean… we used to be friends?"

"Oh yeah, didn't you guys all like… hang out in elementary school?" Bebe asked, still walking them to the direction of the book store in the mall. 

"That was in elementary school! T… you can't seriously be thinking he's not a complete jerk. Remember when he tripped Clyde down the stairs and made him cry? In front of Bebe!" Tweek just shrugged as he was suddenly between aisles of books.

"I dunno… he was just nice to me today is all and maybe… y-yknow maybe he's not that much of an asshole? Maybe there's something underneath?" 

"Youre just wanting to think that because he's hot." Bebe replied, picking up a copy of Pretty Little Liars. "Did they ever find out who A is?"

"I-I do not think he's h-ho-hot!" Tweek squeaked out, going red under his freckles. 

"Are you kidding?" Bebe asked. "Ever since he got his braces off in like, freshman year all the girls have been fawning over him! If he wasn't such a dick, he could've had like, almost every girl in school!" 

Admittedly, acknowledging Craig's conventional attractiveness was a universal standard. The sky was blue, grass is green, and Craig Tucker was one of the hottest boys in school… but Tweek didn't think he was all that attractive. He liked guys personalities and well… Tweek didn't really know Craig's that well. He seemed like a complete dick, but he had been sweet to him when they were kids… and even earlier today, offering him food and apologizing, even seeming genuinely concerned about his lunch.

"Maybe he's not so bad… when was the last time you guys actually talked to him?" Wends and Bebe looked at each other. Wends gave him a concerned glance.

"I mean… He's mean as shit everytime he opens his mouth… I don't really want to talk to him."

"Me neither," Bebe agreed, "he also like, only gets along with guys, I dont think I've ever seen him talk to a girl that's not his sister, and they're like, flipping each other off all the time!" Tweek hummed.

"So…Maybe he's not all that bad if you got to know him?" Tweeks phone buzzed, and to his surprise, it was Kenny McCormick. "Hold on, Kenny's texting me?"

"Ew, delete his number." Bebe said.

Kenny: hey dude, u know Craig Tucker right?

Speak of the devil. "Ummm… Ke-Kennys asking about Craig?" Bebe and Wends looked puzzled.

"I swear, it's like Kenny can read minds or something…" Wends whispered, looking around the bookstore.

Tweek: I know of him

Kenny: lmao sorry, we're getting high right now and he keeps talking about u!

Kenny: I think he's got a little crush 😍 😏 

Tweek looked back up from his phone in complete confusion. "Craig's been talking about me?"

"Oh my god, don't respond! He's probably just making shit up!" Bebe put the book she had been looking at down, folding her arms over his chest.

"Bebe, Kenny's a lot of things, but he's not a liar," Wends pointed out, flipping through the pages of a book idly.

"O-oh fuck, this is too much pressure!" Tweek cried out, earning a few stares from passersby. "Do I t-text back? Oh god oh fuck-"

"Isn't Craig straight?" Bebe asked, and they all looked at each other for a moment.

"...I think he's in the closet," Wends replied, "not that it's okay to speculate in someone's sexuality-"

"No… he does kind of read as closeted," Tweek replied, calming down. "But I don't think he'd be into me,"

"What are you talking about? You're talented, funny, smart-"

"I look like a meth head." Tweek cut Wends off, running his hands through his wild blonde mullet. "I- I mean, I'm not a bad p-person but… don't you guys think…"

"You're heroine chic!" Bebe replied, "That's like, totally coming back!" Tweek shrugged, turning his attention back to his phone.

Kenny: he thinks u would make a pretty girl but we both know what that means lol

Tweek: I'm not dating a straight guy

Kenny: "straight"

Tweek: That's worse!

Kenny: Okay fine, give me until Saturday and I can get him to admit he has a crush on a guy

Kenny: ur the guy 

Tweek: It’s Thursday.

Kenny: oh ye of little faith! Give me and Eric an hour and we can play matchmaker

Tweek: PLEASE don't bring cartman into this!

Kenny: xoxo gossip girl

Tweek let out a groan, putting his phone back into his pocket. "I-I need to go home and sleep… K-Kenny said he and Eric are gonna play matchmaker…"

"We need to get you home to eat Tweek." Wends replied. "And besides, if Eric really does try anything, I'll just threaten to beat the shit out of him. You have nothing to worry about!" 

Tweek still thought he had plenty to worry about regardless, but he relented his protests for now. He didn't want to think about the absolute chaos Kenny and Eric would cause trying to get Craig to admit he was fruity. Right now he just needed to get out of here and go home…

*****

Tweeks wish was granted as Wends drove him home, and they made sure to cook him something he would actually eat.

"I'm really sorry," Tweek whispered, doing his best not to wake his grandma.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Wends replied, leaning on the counter as Tweek cut vegetables. "Do you need any help?" Tweek shook his head. 

"... Do you think Craig has a c-crush on me?" Tweek asked, starting to Sautee the vegetables.

"Maybe? It's hard to read Craig. It's not like I can ask anyone either, he's not in any clubs or anything…"

"Doesn't he do wrestling?"

"He quit the team last year… I don't know Tweek, I think he could. But do you really wanna date a guy who thinks he's straight?" Tweek had to think for a moment.

"No? But… I don't know, no one seems to really know anything about him other than he's a dick… Maybe I could try a-asking Jimmy? They still hang out." Wends just shrugged. Craig's whole group still hung out with each other… except Tweek. He couldn't remember why they stopped hanging out.. maybe they just drifted apart?

"Isn't he in a bunch of AP history classes too? Maybe you should ask Heidi if she knows, I think they have AP art history together." Wends offered, and Tweek just shrugged again. As far as he knew, Craig really didn't talk in class either. 

Maybe he could just ask him himself..?

The thought immediately made Tweeks breath hitch in his chest, and he shook his head to himself. Wends looked at him questioningly. Craig Tucker had too much of an intimidating presence, he was too unknown. He couldn't just talk to him! 

"Tweek?" Wends voice broke him out of his thoughts, and he jumped slightly.

"Sorry… I just um..  I-I think it might be best for me t-to stay away from him until.. until he figures himself out?"

"That's probably for the best." Wends agreed, "I gotta get home to do homework, but I'll be by in the morning okay?" Tweek nodded, and they said good bye to each other, Wends car pulling off into the sunset.

*****

Tweek was still left in the home he used to share with his parents. It's not like he and his grandma had anywhere else to go to. But still, on nights like this, his mind couldn't distract itself from all the things that happened in these walls….

His phone buzzed, pulling Tweek out of his memories. He jumped up to grab his phone, desperate for a distraction.

Wends: Hey, Craig said you dropped some papers at lunch and he wants to get them back to you. Do you feel okay meeting him in the art hall tomorrow morning? Do you want me to come with you?

Shit. Fuck. Shit fucking shit fuck. Looks like his plan to just avoid Craig wasn't going to go all that smoothly after all. He sighed deeply. It was just returning his papers, it would take like five minutes. It totally wouldn't be weird. 

Tweek: Yeah that's okay I think I dunno I should be okay??

Wends: Are you sure? Say the word and I'll be there.

Tweek: I'm sure it'll be okay I think. I don't think he'll say anything bad

Wends: ….

Wends: you're right. He's probably just going to shove the papers at you and leave. Just let me know, okay? I'll pick you up a little earlier.

Tweeks: Thanks Wends

Tweek leaned back in his bed with a sigh. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight…

[rattling-the-teacups]

He was so perfect. He was so loving. He was so accepting. We had so much fun together. There were things it took us years to open up to each other about, and our relationship only got better because we shared. We already loved each other quite a lot, but we grew into loving each other more as we grew together. We liked finding mutual hobbies and interests. Of course there were plenty of things we liked separate from one another, and that's what you have friends for. But so many things we could discover and enjoy together. I wanted to be on all of his big adventures, and he wanted to be with me on mine.

We watched shows and movies together, we loved watching gay shit. We usually had a commentary going on about whatever we were watching, whether it was a show, or performance, music video. We loved Simon and Garfunkel together. He deleted the Paul blog, I think, earlier this year, but it was still up for years with our flirtposting littering the archives. We can thank Simon and Garfunkel for our relationship at all. How can I even describe the immeasurable debt we have to Paul and Artie for being what brought us together in the first place? How terrible that I should have to join the tragic club Art Garfunkel has belonged to since 1979. Tyler and I used to have late night conversations about Still Water, Laurie Bird, what it must be like to lose a lover. Tyler never had a lover die. In fact, I think he even chose to end the relationships he had before me on his own, so he never lost a lover in that way either. Artie discovered Laurie dead of overdose in their own home, I don't even know how long she had been dead when he got there. Maybe a few days? Maybe more, maybe less. It's not something I would ever expect him to tell to the public, he has a right to privacy, he doesn't need to tell us the details of the moment he probably tried hard to forget.

I remember with icy clarity the moment I discovered Tyler, rattling on the bed, his dead weight in my arms when I tried to lift him in my moment of panic. I don't know how long he had been laying there not breathing, it had been twenty minutes since he'd closed the door to our room. I can remember many things about the next hours very well, but I have mostly blocked out the sounds of all of the people in the living room resuscitating my lover on the floor. For months I could hear it play out word-for-word in my head. I think that's where a lot of the trauma and the triggering comes from. Sometimes I can't come into my room because I can see the spot on the floor where I had to use the skills my mom taught me to try to keep his brain oxygenated enough for life, where I was ultimately unsuccessful at keeping his brain oxygenated enough for life. Our brains are all we are. All of the conversations, all of the love, all of the thoughts and creativity and skill and traits we have are in our brains. His empathy and compassion and joy were in his brain right next to the darkness and torment he dealt with his whole life. If you got close to him you shared in all of these things. I knew he fought with his mind a lot, he felt like he needed to warn me about his craziness. He thought it was going to make him do something that would hurt me, and that was one of the things he was most afraid of. With this one decision, made by the most chaotic part of his brain, he managed to hurt me the most. How could he have known the outcome? Nobody saw it coming. You think you'll never discover your lover dead in your room, and maybe when you do, you'll freak out so badly that you can't speak and then your friend will have to call 911 for you. Two people needlessly traumatized by the unnecessary death of someone close to them for the price of one. Superb. Our situation was an emergency if I ever had one. I suppose it was too late to call Laurie Bird's death an emergency by the time Art found her body. At least Tyler didn't die sleeping in the car like he would've if I hadn't called him several times and asked him to come home.

He was so thoughtful of others, so concerned with opinions and being nice and whether other people thought he was nice. He was so caring, but he hadn't had enough time to train himself to not care about the bullshit. So he cared about the bullshit as much as the important things and he couldn't figure out order of priorities. So we all did when we were 23, but he had the misfortune of having the worst consequences for his mistake. The mistake he probably wouldn't have made if he hadn't been caught up in the bullshit. My lover is gone over such a seemingly small thing. You could laugh at how easy it is to see all the pieces moving together encouraging something like this to happen in hindsight, but you already know what they say about that. Love of my life gone forever, love of my life gone for good.

[gatheringbones]

[“I stood back and looked from one group to the next. The ACT UPers, now in our fifties and sixties, had a ragged edge to us in some ways. And it was illuminating to see us gathered together in once place for the first time in so long. A lot of us had had real troubles, that was clear. Drug problems, problems of purpose, significant health problems—many of these guys had been on really rough medication combinations with horrible side effects. Many had significant facial wasting and their faces had sunken. Everyone had suffered profoundly from that magic combination of the mass death of their friends and the mass indifference of government, families, and society. We were laughing and smiling and hugging and flirting, as we always had with each other, but somehow it was being among each other that was the most normalizing. I looked at my friends from ACT UP and I saw people who were somehow both heroes and freaks, because they had achieved the impossible and paid the high price of alienation brought by knowledge, as heroes and freaks always do.

Happy to be part of it, and standing at an admiring distance were the younger people. Also hanging out, talking, flirting, happy, excited, but the two worlds were not mixing. Before me I saw two distinctly different experiences, separated by the gulf of action fueled by suffering on one hand, and the threat of pacifying assimilation on the other. When the ACT UPers were in their twenties, they were dying. And the replacements for the dead, these young, were on the road to normalcy. The young had the choice to live quietly because of the bold fury of the old. In the rare cases when the old have done the right thing, this is as it should be. And somehow, the presence of the young showed that they understood this, that someone had done something right and yet these ones were curious, attracted, intrigued by the potential of living for more than LGBT domesticity as their fate. Maybe they too would like to change the world.

Some weeks later I went out with six young queer artists to have a drink. One was just about to publish a book with a mainstream publisher and go on a book tour. One was preparing a show for a popular commercial venue. One was about to have a funded workshop for a piece he had written. They all seemed to be doing very well, having opportunities and fitting in to the cultural structure. When I asked one guy what he did for a living, he said “performance.” I now know that that is code for “inherited wealth” and does not mean he earns his living as go-go dancer at the Pyramid Club to pay his $150 rent, as it would have in 1979. None were waiters, hustlers, legal proofreaders. One worked for a fancy art magazine, another was the assistant to a famous artist. They were American aristocracy —good suburbs and good schools, clean-cut homosexuals —but somehow still attracted to justice. As the evening progressed they started to express a reasonable discomfort with the ACT UPers. It was obvious that there was a wall between the two groups, and I guess we all wanted to understand what that was. The younger people loved ACT UP. But in some fundamental way they couldn't relate to it. They didn't understand what we had experienced. They had never been that oppressed. They had never been that profoundly oppressed. And yet, they wanted to relate. They also had never been that inspired, that inventive or that effective. They were intelligent and thoughtful. They wanted to understand.

“Why?” I asked. “What is it that you want to know?”

“I wonder what it means about me.”

I wasn't sure if that was a suburban narcissism in which one has to be able to “identify” in order to internalize value or if they were doing the hard work of reaching out to connect with their own history. I also wanted them to be able to relate. And while I understand that they have never known mass death of their world, one of my fears for younger gay people, especially artists, is that they don't see how rigidly the marginalization of point of view is enforced in our own shared contemporary moment. Unlike my generation, who were told we were despised, they are told that things are better than they are. And they have to go through the difficult process of learning to realistically evaluate from their own lived experience, instead of from what they are being told about themselves.”]

sarah schulman, from gentrification of the mind: witness to a lost imagination

[silent-dragon]

TWST OC Profile ~ Zuna

Theme song to listen to while reading ^^

Gender: Male

Age: 18

Species: Ruby Macaw Parrot Beastman

Birthday: 2/14

Zodiac: Aquarius

Height: 189cm

Wing Span: 5.8 Meters

Orientation: Demiromantic

Eye Color: Canary Yellow

Hair Color: Ruby Red & Royal Blue

Homeland: Scalding Sands

Twisted from: Iago from Aladdin

Dorm: Scarabia

School Year: 3rd/Junior

Occupation: Finder of Lost Shiny Things 

Club: None but wants to play Spelldrive but not allowed

Best Subject: Ancient Magic,Flying

Dominant Hand: Left

Favorite Food: Trail Mix

Least Favorite Food: Excessive Amount of Crackers

Dislikes: Poultry Food,Feather Pickers,Giving Back Lost Things 

Hobby: Collecting Shiny Things,Sleeping in Trees,Dancing

Talents: Kleptomania,Speaking in Gestures,Flying,Incantations

Elemental Magic: Flora,Fire

Unique Magic: Sticky Mimicry - Can perfectly mimic the voice of anyone he touches physically or via an item owned by the person.

OC’s Lore Summary: A cryptic mute birdman that seems to keep to himself. Not much else is known about him as he tends to fly away before you can speak to him. Tends to stay near other Scarabia students or in empty spot to not hit anyone with wings.

Personality: Seems to be a bit skittish but just around campus as people in Scarabia say he is fun and loves being around others. Tends to become sad if he notices his wings are in the way and will go hide for a bit. 

Fun Facts: Zuna is taciturn,he has never spoken a lot of classmates will say but makes grunts/sounds that indicate he can or should be able to speak.

He speaks via simple gestures and body language. When grumpy or angry he will quickly flap his wings fast at the cause of these moods.

He has a vast collection of shiny things stored neatly in boxes organized by how shiny they are. This is in Tabbasum's dorm, not his to keep safe from others.

Direct eye contact from him means your interesting to him. He may follow you around for a while.

Zuna is estranged from his criminal father and has been on his own for few years now. His twin brother chose to stay with their father as fear of making it on own.

Family

Z - Twins's father,goes by Z to everyone. Known as a notorious bird beastmen theif and gay casanova in the Scalding Sands. Leader of a gang of beastmen thieves. Always on the move and a master of disguise. Has always lived a life of crime. Used a woman to have a child he wanted to pass down his gang to,was blessed with two. Let the twins's mother take the blame for a crime he did and took the boys far away from her so could keep for his schemes. Z has taught his boys to be same like him to get by in life. Often made Zuna use his UM for schemes which made Zuna become the mute he is now. Zuna felt one of his father's lovers Eric was more a father to him then Z.

(Left is Zuna & Right is Zuma)

Zuma - Zuna's twin brother,currently next in line to lead Z's gang of beastmen thieves. Zuma has distinct scars on his face from getting in fights with authorities or people he has stolen from. Zuma left wing is also missing a piece after being shot. Zuma secretly misses his brother alot but chose to remain with their father who he also detests. Zuma has no idea if his brother is ok and hopes he alive and well while he risks survival most weeks just to eat.

Kleptomania & Relationships

Zuna suffers from Kleptomania due to the way his father raised him. He is trying to stop this by only taking things from trashcans,lost & found,and things out in the open with no one touching it for awhile. He only takes things that have a shine to them like jewelry. Still he has the tendency to steal often just pickpocketing money for food,jewelry and has 3 times stolen bracelets from Leona while he napping in greenhouse. He wishes to return these but afraid of his anger as Zuna is afraid of confrontation. It's why his stash of lost & stolen are in dorm of his trusted friend rather then his own.

Tabbasum Qamar - Zuna's best friend

Tabbasum met Zuna in a small Scalding Sand town. At time Zuna was homeless and was stealig small things to pawn for food money. He saw Tabbasum who had very shiny braid clips in his hair and mistook him for a girl so he gave Tabbasum a flower to try to butter up to steal clips. When he noticed Tabbasum's leg braces he decides against this and continues to listen to Tabbasum who is prone to talk alot as he loves telling stories. Zuna felt comfortable around Tabbasum and even was given food by him in exchange for listening to him. After they parted ways Zuna recalled him mentioning he was going to a magic school next year which sparked Zuna in wanting to go so he used all public resources around to figure out how to get into this school and managed to barely pass the entrance exam to go.

He was so happy to see Tabbasum when he got there and funnily realized he wasn't a girl as he saw the school info about this being all boys. Still he gave Tabbasum another flower upon seeing him at ceremony which some took as a flirt. Tabbasum understands Zuna very much even though he doesn't talk. They are best friends and Zuna probably has latched onto Tabbasum as a brother since he misses his.

Jamil Viper - Jamil has a special unknown interest in Zuna and tends to approach him. Zuna knows he is vice-housewarden so doesnt avoid him but has slight fear from way he talks. Jamil is the only one to pluck a feather from him not knowing why he did but guard is up when he is near him.

[artzee-bee]

Popularity is overrated anyways | Rory Keaner x gn!popular!reader

Fandom: My babysitter’s a vampire

Request: “ Hello! Your writing is so amazing, truly! Could you write Rory x Gn!Popular!Reader in which the reader falls hard and so they try flirting and try to impress him? I think that would be an interesting dynamic to explore cause I usually see things going the other way around. No need to take this request if you don't want to write it of course! Have a great day/night<33 “

Pronouns: none specified

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none

~~~

The first time you saw Rory was in art class. It was your first day and you were somewhat nervous, but he walked in as if he owned the place. He yelled "Good morning gays, gals and pals" with this kind hearted smile and you couldn't help but laugh at how comfortable he was around here. How he seemed to be at home. 

At the end of class, you decided to walk up to him, say hello. At the very least learn his name, except by the time you were done packing your things, he was gone. You felt a little lost looking at the empty seat he sat in just a moment ago but you were already dead set on getting to know the blonde kid better.

Since then, you've made lots of friends, partly due to you joining the photography club, which was pretty well known around the school. You were also best friends with the star of the football team which sure gave you a big boost on the popularity chart, not that you cared. Even with your newfound attention, you still felt like you were a little behind Rory. You'd see him every week in art class, always cracking a joke, making you and everyone else around him laugh. You often saw him hanging out with the same 2 brown haired boys and you couldn't help the jealousy you were feeling, so eventually you decided you've had enough. You were going to get closer to Rory!

The perfect opportunity snuck up on you one Friday, when you saw Rory eating lunch in the cafeteria alone. You excused yourself from your friends, making your way instead towards the blonde

"Is this seat open?" you said motioning to the seat right in front of him

"Yeah!" he replied with a bright smile, as if he was more than excited that you wanted to sit with him "I'm Rory!"

You sat down and gave him your name in return. From where you were sitting, you could see your friends.They were sitting around their usual table, glaring at you as if they couldn't understand what you could possibly be doing there, instead of by them. In fact, mostly everyone in the cafeteria was now watching you and Rory with judging looks. You knew Rory wasn't the most popular person in school, but you also didn't care. For what it's worth, he seemed to be a lot cooler than any other "popular" kid you knew.

"Is that a V for Vendetta pin on your shirt?" he asked, reaching over to touch the little handmade pin you had. You felt his fingertips press into your collarbone and sucked in a deep breath, suddenly shy at the unexpected contact

"Yeah! I made it myself out of an old coin a while back!"

"That's so cool! I used to make pins out of beer bottle caps when I was little! I didn't actually drink the beer, I would sneak the caps from my parents at family events!"  you giggled. You barely knew the boy and yet this seemed like such a ‘him’ thing to do

"And how did you make them?"

For the entire lunch break, you sat next to Rory, listening to him talk about his pins and his favorite comic books, which just so happened to match a lot of your favorites. You were more than excited by finding out that you had a lot in common. You liked the same bands and the same movies. He was full of stories about the supernatural and you have always been passionate about that kind of stuff.  

You always knew you kinda fancied the blonde boy and you weren’t ashamed of that, but now, actually being with him, talking to him, connecting with him, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach was almost insufferable.His mere presence was making you dizzy. He was so cute and his smile was worth millions. You loved listening to him talk and seeing his bright eyes sparkle with joy, but than the bell rang and you had to leave for your next class

"I had fun talking to you Rory!”

"Thank you, you're really cool, we should hang out more!" he said, making you blush

From that point on, you and Rory were much closer. You would hang out during school hours usually, which bummed you out, since you really saw Rory as more than a ‘convenience’ friend that you got along with simply because you saw each other almost everyday. You wished you could get closer to him, get to know him more intimately, but you didn’t want to push him into anything. The week after your first real interaction, Rory came to sit next to you in art. You were too engulfed in the video you were watching on your phone to notice when he walked in, but he made sure to make his presence known by wrapping his arms around you from behind

"Hi friend!" he said in a sing-song voice that made you giggle. He dragged his chair as close to you as he could, so you 2 could whisper to each other during class. Now, being so close to him, you could hear each of his sarcastic jokes and clueless questions better, each one making you laugh and smile. At times, he would lean into you to whisper something in your ear and you could feel his breath on your skin, sending shivers through your entire body.

One thing you learned about Rory during art class was just how competitive he was. Each class turned into a game of seeing who was the better artist. You weren't a huge fan of drawing, but you gave it your everything knowing that Rory was going to study your picture. He never said anything bad about it, he was too nice for that, but with each drawing you tried to impress him more and more.

Eventually, one day, you noticed Rory heading out of the school and decided to quickly followed him out

"Hey Rors! Wait up!!"

"Hey Y/N, wazzap?" he said in the funny voice he always made, making you smile

"All is good. I just had a question for you"

"Ok, shoot!"

"Are you free Saturday?" the boy looked at you with a confused smile

"I think so, yes. Why?"

"Would you like to go to the movies with me?"

"Yeah! That sounds awesome!! Who's coming?" his eyes were bright with excitement, only making you more nervous

"I mean...I was thinking it could be just the 2 of us..."

"Just us?"

"Yeah, you know. Like a date..."

"A date?"

"Yeah"

"With me?"

"I mean if you want to, I'm not..."

"I would love to!" he smiled

"You-You would?"

"Yeah, sounds awesome!"

"Ok, um, great! Can I get your number so I can text you the details?"

On your way home, you held the little piece of paper with Rory's number in your closed fist, your face hot from excitement and happiness. God, you could barely wait for Saturday!

[tuiyla]

Don't you find it strange that Santana was so openly handsy with Brittany in s1 but then spent the next two seasons freaking about people suspecting that she was gay? I am to this day very confused by some of their moments, such as caressing arms or legs in front of everybody. No actual couple in the entire show ever acted that way i don't think (some of them did make out during glee club but those moments were part or actual scenes, they weren't just background moments). I'm a Brittana sap and I love their very handsy moments but I just don't get how some of them exist in the first place lol

I thought this was ~only~ a week old ask but turns out it's been two weeks, apologies. Hope you're reading this. In return for your patience, I'm really gonna dive in lol.

I don't find it strange, actually, I think it works out very well in-universe. There are two main reasons why but they intersect. First, PDA between two girls has an entirely social perception and limit than between two men or people of different genders, regardless of their actual relationship status. I think culture is shifting ever so slowly and it's a complex issue, to say the least, but basically Sapphic love is both extremely fetishized and dismissed to a ridiculous degree. We'll get back to the fetishization part with my second reason, but the dismissal has become a meme over the years. It's not unheard of with gay men either that their relationship is dismissed as "brotherly" by those who'd rather pretend queer people don't actually exist, but it's even more true with Sapphic relationships.

It takes a lot for Sapphic relationship to be taken seriously, or at least it can take a lot. Weddings have bene referred to as friendship ceremonies. Gals being pals. Because the limit of what's branded acceptable in a non-romantic/sexual relationship between women is higher than for others, things that'd be considered PDA for actual couples flies with female friends. Some of my friends in high school touched each other in ways and were affectionate enough that, had one of them been a guy, they would have been told off by a teacher. Had they been guys, they would have immediately been labelled gay (but more like a slur version). But girls are allowed to be affectionate in friendships because of the gender norms we have. Brittana didn’t do anything I didn’t also see at my own high school tbh. Well apart from after they actually got together of course lol.

It's a double-edged sword, though. On the one hand, girls can be touchy-feely and no bats an eye, and it's a shame society doesn't allow men to express the same affection within friendships without assuming there must be something more there. But it also comes with a dismissal of when that relationship between two women turns romantic, because Sapphic sexuality is fetishized to the extreme but Sapphic love is brushed off. Girls being affectionate or even making out is treated as hot but not as anything serious. They couldn't possibly actually love each other, right? Not like that.

So reason number one, their affection was just considered to be gals being pals I think. Especially two feminine cheerleaders both known for getting around with guys, people didn't initially bat an eye. That's just Brittany and Santana being Brittany and Santana. From the pinkies to the hugs and everything else, I don't think anyone really stopped to think twice about how they behaved. I get that, with the hindsight that they were in love and also that it's 2022 now and times are changing, it seems now that surely, someone must have been suspicious juts going off on their physical affection. But as someone who was in high school in 2009, I think it's plausible that people didn't consider it to be anything strange.

But then we have reason number 2, that Brittana fully played into the other extreme in this equation, namely the fetishization. As we find out in 1x14, Brittana regularly go on dates with guys together or otherwise play into the male gazey idea of “oh, two hot cheerleaders!” Even taking it as far as two hot cheerleaders making out in front of guys, and who knows exactly what else. In this way, they really neutralized any potential rumours, at least for a while there in season 1. By playing into the idea that they’re only doing this for the pleasure of straight guys, they doubled down on the idea that their friendship is otherwise just that. I certainly don’t think any of the jocks stopped for a second to consider that Brittana’s relationship should be taken more seriously than some fooling around for the boys’ sake. It’s disappointing to see that stereotype be perpetuated but what can ya do.

So by season 1B, Brittana are widely known to be a) best friends who are very casually handsy with each other and b) girls who make out in front of guys and play into the fetishization. They exploit their own exploitation in this sense. I actually just recently wrote a small-ish section on this exact topic in season 1 for my latest Santanalysis; it’s not the main thing I discuss but part of it, and I think one day we should dive even deeper into this aspect of Santana and her relationship with Brittany. Because as I alluded to in my Brettiago post (iirc), the whole reason why Santana was bold enough to explore her sexuality with Brittany in the first place is because of this societal double standard. Because I believe she knew, even if subconsciously, that people would dismiss the idea that she has genuine feelings for Britt, that she could be gay. It’s just gals being pals and them being physical with each other for the sake of men.

I’d also just like to note that what we see of them in the choir room should be treated slightly differently, because ultimately the Glee Club was supposed to be this safe space and the choir room where they’re even more liberal with how they interact. Put aside that the choir room became their place, as they grew more comfortable in Glee and became genuinely attached, not just serving as Sue’s spies, I think even Santana was more relaxed with how she approached things. Brittany was relaxed to begin with, but it’s only at times like the Sectionals sex bomb or the Rumours situation where we see Santana tense up. And that’s a whole other convo, and how Santana’s illusion of heterosexuality falls apart is for another say and for part two of the post I mentioned. Coming to a dashboard near you this May lol. I’m just mentioning all this because I think it’s important to note that they might also have bene even more handsy in the choir room because Glee was supposed to be a safe space where even if people found out they were more than friends, it’s a different scenario than the whole school knowing or suspecting something.

Which also brings me to a point I just have to bring up because I woke up and chose violence against Finn Hudson today. Glee was supposed to be a safe space, so even as the events of season 2 unfolded and most Glee Clubbers found out about or at least suspected Brittana*, that’s not what Santana was terrified of. The whole school already knows, Finn said to try and justify his appalling moment where he betrayed this implicit trust of the choir room’s safe space. But they didn’t. And even if the ridiculous plot of the Congress race and political ads didn’t exist, Finn still outed Santana to a homophobic school where no, most of them hadn’t already known. I guess Santana thought that after Finn had not one but two episodes dedicated to learning not to be a dick with homophobic tendencies, he might have learned to be an ally. Or at least not someone who’d out a lesbian as a cruel attempt at a comeback.

*I think the show could have done a better job of establishing with at least a few key people how they found out about Brittana. That would have been an interesting element but season 3 proved they didn’t care about that. Finn knew and he chose to be a giant asshat with that info.

Anyway that was our anti Finn Hudson side tangent.

To close this off, I think Santana’s journey with her own sexuality and others perception of her is a fascinating and complex story. I think it’s more nuanced than “well if she didn’t want people to know she was gay she shouldn’t have acted gay.” To be clear I don’t think that’s what you’re saying  Anon, at all! But I have seen that ~excuse~ for The Outing, which, wow, I wonder how it feels to be heartless. I think what you’re saying is valid, their PDA is curious in light of their true feelings and Santana’s fear, but there are societal aspects to consider and how Brittana played into those. They only began to be clocked as different things piled up and, ultimately, as Finn pushed that final stone and it all came tumbling down. And now I’m sad about Santana’s worst fears coming true and really mad at Finn fucking Hudson. Ah well, jumping over to a different post to write about their season 1 dynamic should be fun, lol.